Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's already December
The snow's falling too
Then all of a sudden, it's true
It's officially Christmas
Now that I'm with you

He hadn't expected to get Christmas off, but then again, he hadn't expected to return to the army in any capacity, so here he was.

Jay had managed to work out a short leave of absence to go home and visit Hailey for the holidays, and he'd never felt so grateful for anything in his whole life. It was bad enough to have to miss their anniversary; he wasn't about to miss Hailey's favorite holiday too.

Sure, he spent his Christmas Eve packing for his flight and then actually traveling back to Chicago, but it also meant that he would be getting back to his apartment early enough in the morning to have a full day with Hailey on Christmas. It was the smallest of prices to pay.

At just past 6am, he took an Uber to Will's house to pick up the spare apartment key. When he and Hailey had first given it to his brother the year before, it had been meant for emergencies. There wasn't a fire and no one lost their key, but this felt like it applied. He hadn't wanted to take his keys with him to Bolivia, and now here he was wishing he had so he could surprise Hailey at home. Will didn't mind, though, he was just happy to see his brother alive and as well as he could be so early in the morning. With a cup of coffee and the promise to catch up in the coming days, Jay left Will's apartment and headed in the direction of his own.

Slipping the key into the lock, he took a deep breath before slowly pushing the door open. He set his duffle right inside the apartment and toed off his shoes before shutting the door behind him. The apartment was rather dark, the only light coming from the fading moon outside and the small nightlight in the kitchen Hailey had bought just a week after the case involving Knox. At the time, he'd thought it was because he'd had a nightmare and stubbed his toe on the kitchen island on his way to get water; a month later she admitted she had done the exact same thing for the same reason and bought the light for herself. He hoped neither of their nightmares would come back during his time home.

Jay blinked against the surrounding darkness and frowned. There wasn't a single Christmas decoration set up in the apartment. Subconsciously, he glanced at his watch to confirm it really was Christmas. 6:39am on December 25th, 2022. He couldn't believe it. They had decorations: a fake tree, more than enough ornaments for it, stockings, a wreath, a few snow globes, even a couple snowmen that Hailey had set out on their entryway table the year before. His wife loved Christmas. There was no way she could have just skipped the holiday.

Looking around in disbelief, he spotted two cards stuck to their fridge. Taking a few steps closer, he saw one was from Hailey's mom and the other was from Kim and Adam with a picture of Makayla taped inside. He'd gotten the same one just two days before he'd left.

With another step forward, he ran right into the usual corner of the island and swore quietly. Behind him, he heard the familiar click of the bedroom light turning on. He spun around in time to see the door slowly open.

"Hailey," he said quickly, "Hailey, it's me."

"Jay?"

Hailey's voice came out small but steady from their bedroom even though she had yet to emerge herself.

"Yeah, it's me," he said while stepping forward, "Can you come out? I wouldn't mind seeing your face."

There was a beat and then he was met with the sight of Hailey Anne Upton running from their bedroom to launch herself in his arms.

Instantly, tears pricked at his eyes as he stumbled backward underneath the force of her. "Hey," he whispered while tightening his hold on her.

"You're here," she breathed in response, "You're really here."

He nodded and buried his face in her hair. "I am."

Hailey sniffled against his throat, dug her nails into his shirt, then let out a soft sob. Quietly, she cried into his shoulder as he held her off the ground there in the kitchen.

He hummed against the lump that formed in his throat. Closing his eyes, he tried telling himself this was real. He was back in Chicago with his wife in his arms. It was Christmas and he was standing in his apartment. He was awake, this wasn't just some dream.

"Merry Christmas," he finally whispered.

Hailey let out a watery laugh and pulled back enough to meet his gaze. "Merry Christmas, Jay."

He smiled and set her down, taking a second to wipe at the unshed tears in his eyes.

Hailey seemed to shake something from her mind before reaching up to gently hold his face. Brushing her thumbs along his jaw, she shook her head again and breathed in. "I just can't believe it," she whispered, stepping back to slip her hands down his arms. She squeezed his elbows over his sweatshirt then began a slow walk around him. Her hand trailed along him as she moved, dragging along his clothes as if letting go would make him disappear. "You're real," she added once she returned to his front. A couple tears fell down her cheeks when she pushed up on her socked feet to run her fingers through his loose hair. She smiled slightly and breathed, "Is it bad if I say I'm glad you didn't shave it?"

He chuckled and grabbed onto her waist. "Not at all," he said, "I'm kind of glad too. I wasn't a big fan of the buzz cut the first time around."

Internally, he winced. He really hadn't imagined ever going back after those first two tours. Add that to the list of things he was in disbelief about.

But things happened and he needed to accept that going back was the right choice for him. It did help, no matter how painful the distance was.

Hailey caught his intake of breath and shook her head. They'd spent much of their phone call on their anniversary talking about his choice to go back and how it affected them both. They didn't need to rehash all the details right now; not when he'd just gotten back and certainly not before 7am.

Stroking her fingers slowly along his cheek, she whispered, "How long are you here for?"

A smile managed to form on his face as he replied, "Twelve days. Well, twelve full days. I have to leave on the thirteenth."

Hailey's eyes widened and she asked, "You're staying till the 13th?"

"No, no," he quickly corrected, "I leave on my thirteenth day here. January 6th. That's my flight out."

Again, tears formed in Hailey's eyes and highlighted just how blue they were. Thankfully, he'd never forgotten how pretty they were, but this right now just reminded him of what he'd been longing for every single night for the past two months. However, he wasn't a fan of the fact that she had to cry in order to remind him of that.

"January 6th?" she repeated softly, "You're here until January 6th?"

Jay slowly nodded and bit his lip. "Is that okay?"

Hailey scoffed a laugh then hugged him tightly. "Yes," she whispered, "It's really, really okay. Oh my god. I…I can't believe it. You're here. You're really here."

Jay closed his eyes held her close to his chest. "I am," he breathed, "Home for the holidays."

Hailey's tears soaked through his shirt as she nodded against him. "Home."

Leaning down, Jay pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head and rubbed his hands over her back.

In response, she looked up at him and raised an eyebrow with the smallest of smiles on her face. She shakily wiped the tears from her cheeks and whispered, "Jay?"

He hummed and gently cupped her face, swiping his thumb along her bottom lip.

"Pretend there's mistletoe."

Jay laughed and closed the last of the distance to finally kiss her. Kiss his wife. Kiss Hailey.

Now…now he felt like he was home.

Like their first kiss back in a bar in early January, it was effortless. Having Hailey pressed up against him, opening herself back up to him after so much time apart, made the past few months melt away. He could feel her smile against his lips and couldn't help but return the gesture. Trailing his hands down her sides, he lightly gripped the back of her thighs and lifted her into his arms to begin the memorized path to their bedroom.

Their sheets were turned down, Hailey's handgun was on the side table, he'd just been on a plane, and yet none of it mattered. All he could focus on was his wife in his arms and his desperate need to feel her body against his once more. It'd been far too long since he could properly show her how much she meant to him. All this time apart just confirmed that.

While he'd expressed all of his thoughts and appreciations to her weeks before on their anniversary both verbally and on the written letter he'd sent her, he needed to physically show her as well. He needed her to know she was loved, especially on today of all days.

He was home for the holidays, and he was going to enjoy every single second of it no matter how cold the weather was outside or how much he dreaded the end of it. He was here with Hailey; it was all he ever could have asked for.

Despite his best efforts, the long night at the airport and on the plane resulted in Jay falling asleep soon after Hailey had curled up into his side on their bed. He'd wanted to keep his eyes open long enough to remind himself of what Hailey's features looked like as she slowly came down from her high, but her gentle touches along his face and chest lulled him to sleep.

To his relief, his nap didn't last long, and he was soon opening his eyes to see Hailey leaning on her elbow next to him. "Morning," he croaked before reaching up to peck her lips.

"Good morning," she whispered. Rubbing her hand over his bare chest, she asked, "Sleep okay?"

He nodded and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "Yeah, sorry about that," he murmured.

Hailey shook her head and laid down next to him. Grabbing his hand in hers, she squeezed his fingers and said, "You probably needed the sleep. Didn't you say your bed isn't the most comfortable there?"

He sighed and said, "Not that it's uncomfortable, but yeah, this bed is much better."

"Told you the foam topper was going to be worth it," Hailey whispered.

Jay laughed and kissed her nose. "You did," he said, "And you were right."

"Thank you," she replied with a wide smile.

Jay smiled back and brushed his fingers through her hair. Holding her eye contact for a moment, he remembered how it'd felt to come home and walk into an apartment without any Christmas decorations. It had been such a stark contrast to not only his expectations, but also the rest of Chicago – even the airport had some garland hung up. His gut told him why this had to have been one of the only non-decorated places in the city, and he almost didn't want to ask why, but he knew he needed to. At least to give Hailey another chance to share the nerves that had to have been eating at her.

"Where are our Christmas decorations?" he asked softly.

Immediately, Hailey's face fell and she looked away. Her feet shifted around underneath their blankets, and he could feel her pulse quicken beneath his fingers along her throat.

"Hey," he whispered, "Talk to me, I want to listen."

She shook her head and blinked quickly.

"Hailey," he said gently, "We'd said we were going to work on being honest about what we were feeling. Just because I'm home doesn't mean that doesn't apply anymore." Sitting up slightly, he raised an eyebrow and returned to brushing his fingers through her hair. "Babe," he whispered.

Squeezing her eyes shut, Hailey took a deep breath then rolled on her side to face him properly. "It hurt," she breathed, "I-I didn't think I was strong enough to do it without you. At first, I was so distracted with that human trafficking case to even realize it was December, but once it closed, I figured it would be a good idea to bring some sort of holiday spirit in here. I tried, I did, I went down to get the boxes, but then I was standing in the basement and I couldn't do it. It didn't feel right without you."

Jay's heart shattered as he nodded in understanding. He didn't know if he would have been able to celebrate this holiday without her either, especially one that was all about family and being with the people you love. Halloween had gone by easily, and Kim had sent him a text on Thanksgiving with a picture of Hailey coloring with Makayla while eating pie, so he honestly hadn't given much of a thought as to how she was handling Christmas. He partly hated himself for thinking she was going to be fine and wished he would have fought his second-in-command harder for the two-week vacation before the holiday instead of the one after it.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, "I…I'm sorry."

Hailey shook her head and brushed her thumb over his jaw. "Don't be, it was a personal thing."

"My fault I'm gone, though," Jay said.

Hailey pursed her lips for a moment, seemed to think her thoughts over, then said, "Maybe, but how I react to it is my choice. I'm trying, Jay, I am trying to be better, but there are some things that are just hard to do without you – and apparently setting up Christmas decorations and celebrating the holiday falls into that category."

Frowning, Jay nodded slightly. He scooted closer to her, so he could press a kiss to her forehead. "I'm sorry," he repeated under his breath, "I can't imagine what you're going through. I figured it would be hard, but I didn't think it would be…like this."

Hailey shot him a small smile then set a hand on the side of his face. Her thumb moved in slow, barely-there strokes as she looked him in the eyes. He could feel the soft puffs of air from her breathing against his skin, but it just made him smile in response. Things were tough, and it was going to be hard to get through, but they had right now – they had the next twelve days – and they were going to survive.

Starting now.

"Let's decorate," Jay said softly, "Let's do it all together – the tree, the lights, the snow globes, all of it. What do you say?"

Hailey's eyes were wide as she said, "But it's Christmas. The holiday's pretty much over."

Jay scoffed and said, "I completely disagree." Sitting up, he added, "It's still the holiday season. Plus, you didn't celebrate, I didn't celebrate, this could be our chance. Come on, let's decorate our house for your twelve days of Jay."

Hailey snorted and said, "Twelve days of Jay?"

"Like the twelve days of Christmas, but better," Jay laughed as he got out of bed. He pulled his sweatshirt on, grabbed his pants, and said, "I'm gonna go down to the storage room and grab the boxes, then I'm setting it all up. If you want to join me when I come back, cool, otherwise, you're welcome to watch. What do you say?"

Hailey sat up with a wide smile and replied, "I say let's do it."

Jay clapped his hands together and said, "I'll be right back. Get dressed." Just as he was pulling his pants on while walking out the door, he turned and added, "Or not."

Laughing, Hailey fell back on the bed and covered her face with her pillow.

The tree took a while to put together, but time didn't seem to matter with the Christmas vinyl playing in the background and the couple strands of lights haphazardly strung around the room. Like a Christmas miracle, there was snow fluttering outside their window, giving them something pretty to look at as they put the ornaments on the straightened branches.

Most of them were red and gold, but there were a handful that they'd each brought into the apartment upon moving in together. Despite knowing the stories behind the ornaments, they still asked each other about each of them until they were a mess of smiles and laughter in their living room.

"All right," Jay said while taking a step back to look at the tree, "Should we put the star on top?"

"Actually, we forgot two," Hailey said softly.

Jay turned to see her holding two small boxes. He smiled at the one in her left hand and said, "Is that the one we got last year?"

"Yeah," Hailey said as she passed it over. Smiling as he opened it up, she watched him hang up the white heart engraved with Jay and Hailey 2021 right at the top of the tree.

"Perfect," he said, "Now…" Turning to look back at her, he raised an eyebrow and asked, "What's that other one?"

Hailey blushed and shakily opened the black box. "This store was having a sale on Black Friday, so I bought another ornament. I didn't know if it was silly since you weren't here, but you said you were coming back and-and I needed to believe that. I figured I'd regret not getting one."

"Hey," Jay breathed. He hurried to her side and said, "Of course I'm coming back, and I don't just mean today. I'll be back in June, okay? I will. I'm not leaving you forever."

Hailey nodded and wiped the tears from her eyes. Breathing in deeply, she wordlessly passed him the ornament and wet her lips.

The ornament was a golden compass with the words 1 Year of Us engraved on the back. Jay smiled down at it and rubbed his thumb over the engraving. "It's perfect," he said softly.

"You think?" Hailey asked.

Jay nodded and slipped it back in her hand. Kissing her cheek, he said, "How about you go hang it up? I did the last one."

Hailey nodded back then wiped her eyes again. Sniffling quietly, she stepped away to hang the ornament right in the center of the tree.

"Perfect," Jay whispered as he stood behind her. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he kissed the top of her head then rested his chin in the same spot. He gently swayed her back and forth while they both stared at the twinkling tree.

He was finally at peace for the first time in months.

He was finally at home.

Chapter Text

Hailey watched Jay move around their kitchen, and it almost felt like he'd never left. He still grabbed out the blue mug with a chip on the bottom for his coffee, and he still cracked his eggs right next to the garbage can so he easily could throw the shells out. Letting out a soft sigh, she tried reminding herself this wasn't a dream. He was really there in their kitchen making breakfast. However, telling herself this was real life just reinforced that he would eventually leave again. Breakfast in their kitchen wasn't forever. Leave of absence wasn't forever. Bolivia was going to sneak up soon enough.

Staring at Jay dropping pieces of sausage into the pan of their scrambled eggs, Hailey took a deep breath then grabbed her phone. Before Jay left months before, they had barely gotten any time to say goodbye. This time needed to be different.

By the time Jay had placed a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her, Hailey was finished with her email and sliding her phone away from her.

"Everything good?" Jay asked, settling onto the bar stool next to her.

"Yes," Hailey replied with a smile, "I just took off work for the next two weeks."

It was clear Jay was happy at her statement, but he still asked, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with you," she replied softly, "If we're celebrating the Twelve Days of Christmas, then I'm not wasting a second at my job. I have the days to burn anyways."

Jay's smile widened, and he leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Thank you," he said, "I was kind of worried about spending all this time alone here."

"Well, you're not alone," Hailey said, setting her right hand on his left, "Not for the next couple weeks and certainly not ever." She brushed her thumb over his wedding ring and breathed, "You taught me that. Always with me, right?"

Smiling, Jay nodded and said, "Right. We'll figure this all out."

Hailey shook her head and corrected him: "We are figuring it out. Every day, we're getting better."

"Yeah," Jay breathed, "We really are."

Hailey closed the distance between the two of them then whispered, "What're our plans for today?"

"You make Christmas cookies yet?" Jay said against her lips.

"Are you asking for sweets?" Hailey teased as she sat back in her seat.

Jay laughed and said, "I'm asking for traditions and stability."

Hailey smiled and set her hand on his cheek. "Then you're lucky I haven't made any cookies yet. Though, I'll admit, I would have definitely still said yes to making cookies with you even if I already made some."

Chuckling, Jay kissed her cheek before turning back to his breakfast. "Then eat up, babe, we need our energy for a day of baking. I refuse to leave this apartment until we have at least a hundred cookies in our freezer."

"One hundred?" Hailey asked.

"Yup," Jay answered through a mouthful of eggs, "Gonna go all out. We have a lot of ground to cover, Upton, we-"

"Halstead."

Jay hummed and glanced over at her.

"No, not you," Hailey said softly, "Me. I…I'm Halstead."

Jay set his fork down and asked, "What?"

Hailey nodded and said, "I wasn't decorating for Christmas, but I was figuring out the social security system. I was hoping to surprise you once it was all settled. I'm still waiting for my new license."

Jay blinked then said, "Are you serious? You changed your last name? Even after what I did?"

Hailey breathed in slowly before explaining, "Not after what you did: after we talked the other day, after our anniversary. I realized how much I love you and how, like you said, the distance is temporary. We're not really tattoo people, but we're us people, right? I wanted a permanent reminder of you, so I changed my name. I think I'll keep Upton at work, but the bank and my license and the lease…all of it will be Halstead. Promise."

Jay slowly shook his head in disbelief. He let out a soft breath then pulled her in his arms. "You're amazing," he whispered, "I love you."

Hailey smiled and buried her face in his chest. "I love you too," she murmured, "Forever."

"And always," Jay replied with a kiss to her temple.

Together, they stayed wrapped in each other's arms there at the kitchen island with their eggs growing cold between them until Hailey's stomach grumbled and they were broken apart. Jay was laughing softly to himself as he returned to his breakfast, but Hailey knew it wasn't just at the noises her body was making. It was because he was happy - overly happy - and she couldn't blame him: she felt the exact same way.

Flour covered the counters. Milk was puddled on the ground. Sugar coated Hailey's fingers.

And she'd never been happier.

"Try this," she said through a laugh as she held out a small piece of peanut butter dough to Jay.

He looked up from rolling out a small piece of dough and chuckled. "Hailey, that's like-"

She slipped the dough in his mouth and whispered, "Oops."

Jay swallowed the dough then smirked. "Rude," he said.

"It's delicious, though," Hailey laughed. She dropped a couple more peanut butter balls into her bowl of sugar and added, "These are so simple. Way easier than yours."

Turning back to his Italian S cookies, Jay said, "But mine will be absolutely delicious."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Hailey said, turning to place her hands on her hips, "Are you insulting my cookies, sir?"

"Sir?" Jay asked.

"Or, sorry," Hailey said, "Is it sergeant now? Boss? Hot stuff?"

Jay scoffed and set his dough down. Wiping his hands on the apron Hailey had thrown at him earlier, he said, "Technically, it's commanding officer."

"Oo la la," Hailey said softly. She stepped forward and set her hands on his waist. "I'm married to a commanding officer."

"And I'm married to Chicago's top detective," Jay replied. He leaned down to kiss her then said, "Also, I was not insulting your cookies. I'm sure your cookies are delicious. Mine will just be…more delicious. They have icing."

"Icing, how fancy," Hailey laughed. Reaching up, she lightly brushed her fingers against his cheek, getting flecks of sugar on his skin where his barely there beard had once been. She tilted her head to the side to stare at him - more muscular than when he'd left, a little leaner in his face, and with a light in his eyes. She hadn't seen that fire inside him in months - not because he'd physically been gone, but because he mentally hadn't been present even when he was here. Maybe he still wasn't back to his old self, and maybe he still had trouble seeing the big picture, but he was on his way to being Jay again, and she couldn't wait for that to happen.

Pushing up on her toes, she kissed his cheek where the sugar had stuck then hummed against his skin and whispered, "I love you, but this cookie competition is officially on."

Jay laughed, kissed her own cheek, and said, "All right, Detective Halstead, let's go."

Laughing with him, Hailey lightly pushed his chest before returning to her tray of cookies. She happily rolled out her dough all while singing along to the Christmas record playing in the background. Occasionally, Jay teasingly bumped into her, but she simply smiled and tossed sugar at him. He retaliated with powdered sugar until she screamed that she was going to get stuck to the floor because of how sticky she was. It bought her five seconds to lunge at the sink and spray him with the hose.

Within minutes, their kitchen was destroyed and some of their dough seemed questionable, but the majority of it managed to survive and the white chocolate cranberry cookies they'd first made together that morning were untouched to Jay's relief. Hailey couldn't stop laughing either. True joy was bubbling inside her like some babbling brook, and it was easily matched on Jay's own face. It was the best feeling she'd had in months.

Jay was home and back to making messes in their kitchen. She might have had something to do with it this time, but that just meant she was going to help him clean it all up in the end. They were going to work as a team.

To make their one hundred cookies.

To clean all the various sugar from the kitchen.

To become better people.

Hailey was overjoyed to be living in this absolute dream of reality. She could smile again without feeling guilty. She could be herself.

Hailey Anne Halstead. Chicago's top detective.

At least…according to her husband.

When the sun went down and Hailey stopped sweating from the excess sugar and butter coursing through her veins from all the raw and baked cookies she'd had that day, she managed to fall on the couch with a groan. Covering her face, she mumbled, "I feel so disgusting."

"Maybe baking a hundred cookies wasn't our best idea," Jay said softly while kneeling next to her. He smiled when she uncovered her face then lightly dabbed at her forehead with a cool washcloth.

"Maybe not," Hailey sighed and closed her eyes, "I kind of want to barf."

"Grabbed the trash can for you if it happens," Jay said before pressing a light kiss to her forehead.

She hummed her thanks then set her hands on her stomach to slowly breathe in an attempt to settle the twisting happening in her gut.

Jay lightly dragged his fingers through her hair as he watched her relax on the couch. They really had managed to make one hundred cookies; it hadn't been as hard as they'd expected, but it did make for a long day. It just also meant that they'd eaten a lot of junk food in place of something nutritious like fruit or deep dish.

Hailey smiled to herself. She planned on taking Jay out for pizza sometime during his leave of absence; it seemed very necessary. Opening her eyes and turning her head to face him, her smile widened at the gentle expression on his face as he attempted to soothe away the silly, self-inflicted pain she was in and all thoughts of pizza left her head. Instead, she imagined him doing this exact same thing when she eventually had morning sickness. It brought a different kind of butterflies to her stomach.

But that wasn't something she wanted to bring up right now. Not when Jay hadn't even been home for two days and she was battling one of the worst stomachaches of her life. That was a conversation for another day of their Christmas celebration.

Chapter Text

It didn't take long for Jay's arrival to spread throughout the unit. He blamed Will, but Hailey knew the truth was that Kevin had texted her on Christmas to invite her over, and she denied him. It couldn't have taken a genius to guess who she was with when she replied Thanks, but no. He's home. Merry Christmas!

Jay was bombarded with texts of his own almost all exactly at 9am on the 27th. Almost as if it was planned.

First from Kevin: Glad you're home. Talk soon?

Trudy's came promptly at 9: Feel free to stop by for dinner while you're home. We have a lot to catch up on. Text first.

Adam's text made him laugh at the simplicity: Beers?

Kim texted right after: I'm sorry for how we left things. Hopefully we can catch up. Adam somehow hung lights. Wanna come see?

Even Dante sent him a text: Hope you're good. Happy to buy you a beer

He wasn't surprised to not get a text from Voight, but thinking back to the day he left and the words he'd said, he could understand why the man wouldn't reach out to him. He didn't know how he felt about it.

Jay didn't mention the texts to Hailey until later in the day when they were cuddled up together on the couch. She smiled and told him she was willing to share him for a night if he wanted to go out.

So after deep dish at Bartoli's, their favorite 'welcome home, thank you for being alive' dinner, they happily drove to Turtle's to meet their friends despite Jay being, admittedly, nervous.

While waiting for his plane months before, he'd sent Kevin, Kim, and Adam a group text saying he was leaving Intelligence for a while to take a spot in the army and asked if they'd keep an eye on Hailey.

He'd called Trudy right after that, not wanting her to think she hadn't had some sort of impact on him over the past ten years or even on his relationship with Hailey; it'd been harder than he'd anticipated, but she hadn't kept him long.

Since he'd brought Dante in and was almost leaving him out to dry, he sent him an individual text apologizing for leaving, wishing him luck, and saying he was in good hands.

He'd never imagined saying goodbye to his friends over text, but then again, he'd never imagined saying goodbye to them at all. Their responses had all been ones of shock and as much support as he imagined they could muster. He just didn't know what they'd all say upon actually seeing him again.

Would they yell at him? Accuse him of abandoning them? Ignore him? Cry like Hailey?

He quickly shook that thought from his head. They weren't going to cry. They might just tell him they were disappointed in him - that'd probably be the appropriate response. He was disappointed in himself.

"Hey."

Hailey's voice shook him from his thoughts, and he glanced at her as he said, "Yeah?"

She nodded toward his left hand tapping at the steering wheel and said, "Nervous tick. What's going on?"

"I…" He sighed and shook his head.

Hailey scoffed quietly and reached out to pull at his right hand. Rubbing her thumb over his wrist, she stared at him until she figured it out: "They want to see you."

Jay shook his head again and asked, "But why?"

"Because you're their friend, and they miss you. They do. You were more than their detective, Jay. They do care about you. You don't think it's suspicious they all texted you at the same time? They clearly wanted you to have your space, but now they want their turn."

Her voice was soft as she spoke, just like her thumb against his pulse. Like in the past, the combination had a way of calming him down when he least expected it.

He nodded stiffly and swallowed a lump in his throat.

"But if you want to turn around," she continued, "I will text them and say we can do it another night. It's not a big deal. I'd happily watch another Christmas movie with you."

He weakly chuckled and shook his head. "I think I'll be okay," he quietly admitted. Taking a deep breath, he added, "And if they say something, I can take it."

Hailey frowned, but quickly pressed a kiss to the heel of his hand. "Just a couple beers," she said, "You love beer. Wanna throw a whiskey in there too?"

Finally, Jay smirked and said, "Yeah, I wouldn't mind a whiskey. Torres actually said he'd buy me a beer, so I'll gladly take him up on it."

"There you go," Hailey laughed, "That's my husband."

Jay shot a real, genuine smile and said, "Thank you."

She softened and asked, "For what?"

Jay shrugged and said, "For calling me your husband. I wasn't really acting like it before, so thank you. I'll happily take that title."

"You deserve it," Hailey said softly.

"One whiskey sour for the lady," Jay announced as he approached Hailey at the back table.

"Ah, looks perfect," she said with a smile, "Thank you."

Jay kissed her cheek before sitting next to her with his own glass of whiskey. He took a sip and said, "Damn, I miss having drinks with you."

Hailey hummed and squeezed his thigh. "I know, but…we'll catch up this week and then…"

Jay nodded and shot her a sad smile. He wrapped an arm around her to tug her close enough for his lips to press against her temple.

"Hey! There he is!"

Adam's voice boomed across the bar, and it instantly brought a smile to Jay's face. He laughed and got out from behind the table to welcome the hug barreling at him. Kevin quickly followed and gave him a hard pat on the back.

"We missed you," Kevin said while stepping back.

"I'll get you a beer," Adam announced.

Dante clasped Jay's arm then said, "Coming with you," and followed Adam to the bar.

Jay turned to Kim and said, "Hi," just for her to close the distance between them and hug him tightly. "Oh," he mumbled while patting her back, "Hey, Kim."

She stepped back, glanced at Hailey, then lightly punched his arm and said, "You leave again without a proper goodbye when I'd just yelled at you, I won't be happy. I thought we were friends."

Jay couldn't help but laugh as he said, "We are. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I should have-"

"Yeah, you should have," Kim interrupted. Crossing her arms, a smile finally crossed her face, and she said, "Welcome home. We missed you. I missed you."

"I missed you too," Jay said and punched her shoulder in turn, "Thank you for the cards. Well, the Christmas card; thank Makayla for the Veteran's Day card for me, please."

"Thank her yourself," Kim said, sliding onto a chair next to Hailey, "I meant it when I said you should come over to see the lights. Adam didn't electrocute himself, thank god."

Kevin laughed and said, "But he did give himself a small shock. It was pretty funny."

Jay smiled and sat on Hailey's other side. "Wish I could have seen it," he said, "I miss watching him do dumb stuff."

"Who?" Adam asked as he approached with Dante at his side, both with beers in hand.

"You," Jay answered and accepted a bottle, "Thanks."

Dante smirked while sitting down. "Ruze did dumb stuff?"

Jay and Kevin exchanged a look before both bursting into stories about accidents Adam had had, trainings he'd entertained them at, and general pranks they'd pulled on him. The laughter that cocooned the table into its own bubble within the bar was loud and straight from the soul.

Kim and Hailey had stumbled from the table after several drinks, leaving Jay at the mercy of some of his best friends. He hazily glanced between Kevin and Adam, then looked at Dante and took a deep breath.

He was just a kid he'd brought into Intelligence. He'd had a job to do, and he couldn't do it.

Leaning against the table, he pointed toward Kevin and Adam and asked, "Those two helping you out or busting your balls?"

Dante easily laughed and said, "Bit of both. It's been okay."

"I'm sorry," Jay said, "I didn't mean…I didn't want…You deserved-"

Dante shook his head and said, "I get it. Well, I don't get it - whatever you did or what you were going through - but I'm not mad. Still a good job to have. And they're good mentors too."

Jay smiled and nodded, glancing over at Kevin and Adam. "Yeah, I have no doubt," he said.

"We've got him," Adam said with a swig of beer, "And we've got her too."

Jay looked toward the hallway where Hailey and Kim had disappeared to. Finishing his own beer, he asked quietly, "You nailed him? Not getting out for a long time?"

There was a beat of silence before Kevin said, "It's over with. She can sleep now, hopefully."

"Eat too," Adam sighed, "Man, we tried, but you know her."

Jay nodded slowly then set his beer down. Wiping his hands on his jeans, he said, "Thank you, all of you. I need this, but...it's hard. I miss her."

Kevin shook his head and slid over an untouched glass of whiskey. "I can't imagine. Like you said, though, if you really need this, it's the right choice, and right isn't always easy. We all know that."

Jay hummed and looked down at the alcohol in his hands before drinking almost half of it in one sip. Shaking the negative thoughts from his head, he opened his eyes in time to see Hailey and Kim heading back toward the table.

"Why the sad faces?" Kim asked while sitting down.

"You okay?" Hailey asked softly with a hand on Jay's thigh.

He nodded and tried smiling at her.

"Hey," she whispered and kissed his cheek, "Should we head out?"

He raised an eyebrow and glanced toward their friends. "You kissed me," he said.

She laughed and shrugged. "They know we're married, and you looked like you could use it," she said, "Plus, I'm maybe a little drunk."

Jay smirked and repeated, "A little drunk?"

Hailey held her two fingers up and said, "Just a little."

Jay laughed, nodding, "I think you are. Maybe me too."

"So can we play darts or something?" Adam asked, "Jay doesn't get drunk often, so I wanna cash in on some buzzed bets when I can."

"Oh, you want to make some bets? All right then," Jay said, pushing back from the table, "You're on."

"I'm proud of you," Hailey said as she walked out to the truck with Jay.

He laughed and tightened his hold on her waist. "For what?" he asked.

"You-You beat him," Hailey said, waving her hand around, "You beat Adam at darts."

Jay smiled down at her and tugged her closer before she could wander in the wrong direction. Unlocking the truck, he said, "It's not hard. Never had been."

Hailey giggled quietly, covering her mouth as she tried climbing into the truck. Once Jay got her in, she said, "Watch your mouth, Jay Halstead."

He laughed harder and reached up to kiss her cheek. "Buckle up, babe."

Her smile lit up her face when she brushed her fingers over his cheek. "I missed you," she said softly before sitting back.

"I know," he sighed slightly, "I missed you too. Can we get home and spend some time alone together? I promise to make it all worth it. We can work on preventing that hangover headache."

"Aren't you gonna have one too?" Hailey asked.

Jay smiled and nodded. "I'm sure I will, so let's get home and in bed. Sound okay?"

Hailey nodded in reply then gently tugged him closer to kiss his nose. "Very okay," she whispered.

Chuckling, Jay kissed her cheek in turn then stepped back to close the door. He wasn't quite convinced they'd get much further than their heads on their pillows, but he didn't mind. He'd have his wife next to him in bed, and that was more than enough right now.

Chapter Text

Waking up and deciding to get gifts for each other by 4pm sounded like a good idea, but then Hailey was wandering Chicago regretting the whole thing.

She wasn't a huge gift person, she preferred quality time over objects, but she couldn't exactly give a week long trip to Colorado to her military husband. The year before, she'd given him snorkeling gear, a bathing suit, and lessons for snorkeling that they could put to use on their Florida vacation that summer. He'd loved it just as much as she'd liked the tickets he'd gotten her to see Hamilton before going out to a nice seafood dinner. It sucked that similar gifts weren't going to be an option this year.

Walking in and out of small shops and large department stores, Hailey tried thinking of something that Jay could use once he left Chicago. The problem was she really didn't know much about his job. She knew he had nine guys underneath him and another two officers with their own units that he worked with. They did spend time together at night or during some of the days, but it wasn't a team like she had - like he used to have - there was a disconnect from what she could tell.

She eventually found a coffee shop, bought herself a drink, then settled at a corner table to take her phone out and ask Google.

Gloves. Cards. A watch. Candy. Flashlight. Wall art. Phone case. Socks. Journal. Calendar. Photo album.

Nothing stood out to her.

Putting her head in hands, she found a new reason to hate Jay's new job: not only did it rip him from her, it made gift giving nearly impossible.

Her phone rang, so she shot up to look at it. Jay was calling her, and, for a brief moment, she hoped he was calling to cancel the whole day. They could stay in bed and just cuddle. Maybe they could shower together. She could think of a gift or two she could give him in that realm.

"Hey! Where you at?"

"Um, that Starbucks on Halsted. Just getting a drink."

"Damn, we're not close, but still. Want to meet in Greektown then? I have my present."

Hailey's mouth went dry, and she stuttered to say, "You have your present?"

"Yeah. Want to do lunch?"

"Jay…I-I'm not done," Hailey quietly admitted.

"Oh, no problem. You cool if I call Will? Or do you still want to meet up?"

"Call Will," Hailey answered, "Hang out with your brother; I'll see you at home."

"All right, thanks. I love you."

"Love you too."

Hailey ended the call before letting out a long sigh. Rubbing her face, she looked around trying to come up with anything she could return home with. She figured she could grab a deck of cards and maybe slippers. He'd put together a stack of photos before he left in October, but she could frame a couple of her favorites on her phone to give to him. None of it felt right, but it could be a good enough start.

She took a deep breath before finishing her coffee and standing up, and that's when she heard a distinct sound she hadn't heard since her grandpa died years before.

Looking around the coffee shop for the sound of beads hitting each other, she spotted an older man fingering a Komboloi and her heart stopped.

She knew exactly what to get Jay.

"There you are!" Jay greeted as Hailey stepped in their apartment with a few bags in hand.

She smiled at him and said, "Sorry I took so long. How was lunch with Will?"

"Good," Jay answered while walking over, "He caught me up on his life, stuff that would have taken way too many letters to explain."

"Anything interesting?" Hailey asked, setting everything on the island.

"Oh, you know, typical crazy Will stuff with drugs and all the things he shouldn't be involved in," Jay said. He sat on a bar stool and added, "I'll tell you specifics later when I get a whiskey or two in me and stop freaking out over some of it."

Hailey laughed, "Sounds great. Until then…" She pulled out a few small wrapped gifts and set them in front of him. Resting her chin on her palm, she said, "Merry Christmas."

Chuckling, Jay leaned across the counter to kiss her quickly. "Merry Christmas," he repeated, "Do you want your gift too?"

Hailey hummed and shrugged. With a wink, she picked up the presents to carry to the couch where she plopped down and set them on the middle cushion. As Jay settled next to her with a small box of his own, she said, "I have gift receipts."

"Hailey," Jay said, shaking his head.

She tried to smile then handed him two of the boxes. "These are just little things the internet says you'll like because you work in the army."

Jay laughed as he started opening the smaller one. "Internet's a great place," he said, his smile softening at the deck of cards in his hand, "Thank you."

"Just something to do with other people," Hailey said softly, brushing her thumb over his knee.

"It'll definitely help," Jay said with a nod, "I…I kind of spend a lot of time alone in my room. Could probably use some friends."

Hailey nodded as well and said, "You might be working on yourself down there, but you can have fun too. Talking always helps, you know that."

"Yeah," Jay said, clearing his throat. Shaking his head of any lingering thoughts, he picked up the next gift and instantly lit up when he unwrapped it to see two framed pictures of them: one from the night of Hailey's work anniversary party that Kim had taken and the other a selfie from the day they got married. "They're perfect," he said, "I need these, thank you. They'll be the perfect…perfect reminder of…"

Hailey stared at him struggling to find the words then scooted closer to him. Setting her hands on the sides of his neck, she whispered, "I'm always with you. Picture or not, I'm with you."

Jay nodded and hugged her tightly to his chest.

Closing her eyes, she ran her fingers through his hair and breathed, "I love you so much."

"I love you too," he murmured, "Forever."

Hailey hummed then rubbed her hand over his back. Sitting back, she gently wiped her thumbs under his eyes and asked, "Want your last present?"

"Well, hey, you just gave me two gifts, let me give you one," Jay said. He rubbed his fist under his nose then handed her a velvet box with a ribbon around it.

She tugged the ribbon off then slowly opened the box. A small silver watch was resting inside that she carefully picked up. It was rather simple and had a small heart with a crown on it held by two hands at the bottom of the face.

"It's a claddagh," Jay explained softly, "The Irish symbol for love, loyalty, and friendship. I'm coming back to you, Hailey, I promise, but it's not going to go by fast. This watch-" He stopped to take it from her and clasp it around her wrist. "-Is to help you count down the time until I come back and to remind you to slow down. Take time for yourself, really. You don't have to wear it at work, but-"

"It's perfect," Hailey interrupted, "And beautiful. I've never had a watch."

Jay smiled and squeezed her hand. "Glad I could give you your first."

Hailey laughed softly as she stared down at the watch reflecting the Christmas lights around them. "Thank you so much," she breathed.

"You're very welcome," Jay said, reaching up to lightly drag his fingers over her cheek.

Taking a deep breath and shooting him a nervous smile, Hailey said, "Last one. Open it up."

Jay breathed in slowly before slipping the wrapping paper from the box. Once he opened it, Hailey explained, "It's Komboloi - worry beads. They're Greek. My grandpa had some; I think I actually have them in a box somewhere, so I need to find them. You wear them on your wrist and whenever you think you need a distraction or a prayer, they're there for you to use. He used to slide them all against each other, and if I asked why, he always said he was praying for me. I don't know if it was true, but it made me feel special. It's why I want to find them, so I can think about you now while holding them. They're supposed to guard you against bad luck too. You can do what you want with yours, you don't have to pray for me like he did, but I thought they could help." She finished quietly, nervously, realizing that maybe the gift was all wrong and almost selfish to get.

But then Jay smiled and slipped the black beads on his wrist. "Thank you," he said, "I could definitely find a use for these, and I can pray for you; I'll send you all the good thoughts I can possibly think of. I like that they're Greek too."

Relaxing, Hailey smiled back and said, "And you gave me something Irish. I guess we went for cultural gifts this year."

"It's perfect. We might be long distance, but we'll definitely have a piece of us with each other now," Jay said.

"Exactly," Hailey murmured. Looking down at her watch, she knew she'd have to eventually take it off, but she also knew she'd never want to. She loved it and the symbolism behind it. Jay had somehow picked out the perfect gift for her, and, looking up at him slowly dragging the beads around his wrist, she knew she'd picked out the perfect gift for him too.

They'd figured it out, just like they always had.

Chapter Text

Coming home from dinner with Trudy, Jay asked, "Did you realize she was such a good cook?"

Hailey laughed and said, "I've had a couple meals with her, so yeah, I knew."

Jay hesitated while pulling his coat off. "You've had some meals with her?"

"A couple," Hailey corrected, hanging her coat in the closet before kicking her boots off, "She invited me after that case closed - said she wanted me to have a real meal - and then I had one or two when I first joined the unit so we could catch up; so not all of them have been recent."

Jay nodded slightly and watched her walk to the kitchen. The thought of her not eating again ripped at his own stomach. The year before, watching her struggle to eat a meal, let alone finish a granola bar, because of the stress building inside her had been horrible. She'd been deteriorating in front of his very eyes, and there'd been little he could do. None of it was fair.

He recognized that his struggle regarding the entire situation had also contributed to her stress and exhaustion. It'd nearly killed him then. Now, knowing his absence was most likely a leading factor in her lack of nutrition felt like getting shot all over again.

As she pulled down two mugs from the cabinet and started the kettle of water for tea, he chewed his lip noticing how she did look a little smaller. He'd seen her naked, in the shower, and getting dressed multiple times now over the past few days; how could he have not paid better attention to her jawline or her hips or the way her thighs felt against his? It'd probably been why she got so sick off of the cookies the other day - they'd been the first real sweets she'd had in months. He felt awful for not noticing before.

"Hailey," he said quietly as he toed off his boots.

She hummed an acknowledgment while starting the stove.

"How about we have hot chocolate instead," he suggested, "Maybe some of our cookies too."

"Really?" Hailey asked, "We just had cookies at Trudy's."

"Come on, she bought those," Jay said as he walked over to the kitchen, "She might have made the lasagna, but the cookies were from the store. I want homemade ones. We could turn on a Christmas movie and just chill out. Isn't that what the holiday season's about?"

"Yeah," Hailey said slowly, "But I also don't need so much junk food, especially after all that dough the other day. That sugar cookie candle in Trudy's bathroom just about made me barf."

Jay smiled sadly and said, "It's Christmas. It's okay to go a little crazy."

Hailey bit her lip then looked down at the mugs on the counter. Nodding slowly, she turned to pull out the box of hot chocolate. She opened up two packets then dumped them in the mugs.

"Looks delicious," Jay said. Settling on the couch, he asked, "What're we thinking? Classic or modern?"

"Um, classic," Hailey answered.

"Perfect."

Jay glanced back at Hailey putting cookies on a plate and frowned. The thought of not being able to see her in a week gnawed at his gut. He didn't want to have to let go again - not when he could see what she was going through here at home. The harsh true, though, was that he knew he had to go. He didn't have a choice. He'd made his bed, now he needed to lie in it no matter how much it pained him.

Carrying the plate over, Hailey said, "All right, I didn't put a lot on because I knew if I did, I'd eat everything."

Jay chuckled and asked, "Is that a bad thing?"

"Yeah, I don't want to just eat cookies," Hailey said. She moved to walk away just for Jay to grab her waist and tug her on his lap. "Oh, hi," she laughed softly, brushing her fingers over his cheek, "You okay?"

He nodded and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Just…worried about you."

Hailey's eyes widened and she said, "Worried about me? Why?"

"Are you taking care of yourself?" Jay countered, "Eating and sleeping okay? Being social?"

Hailey sighed and cupped Jay's jaw. "You don't have to worry about me like that, I-"

"Yes, I do," Jay interrupted, "You're my wife; I'm allowed to worry about you." He held up his wrist where the worry beads she'd gotten him still sat right next to his watch. "These are for worrying."

"Not-Not necessarily," Hailey said gently, taking his hand in hers. Squeezing his fingers, she said, "They're to get rid of your worries and to give yourself some hope. You can't spend all your time worrying over there. We've talked before about keeping our minds focused on the tasks at hand, not on what the other is doing."

"You know that's damn near impossible," Jay said.

Hailey smiled slightly and said, "I know. Trust me. I know."

Jay kissed her cheek then rested his forehead to her temple. "It's not fair that to make myself better, I have to go away."

"I know that too," Hailey breathed. She turned to kiss his forehead before adding, "Thank you for doing it, though. You're doing a good thing - for you, for me…for the world."

Jay laughed under his breath and said, "I guess so."

"I know so," Hailey murmured. She glanced at the TV and instantly lit up at the movie on the screen. "You're so predictable."

Jay let out a real laugh and slipped her off his lap so he could grab the remote. "We haven't watched it yet," he said, realizing their conversation about Hailey's eating habits was going to have to be saved for another day.

Hailey shook her head before climbing over the back of the couch to get the boiling water. "Are you going to cry?" she asked as she poured the water into the two mugs.

"I do not cry at movies," Jay scoffed.

"Oh, okay," Hailey laughed, "When Santa sings with the dad?"

"It's emotional," Jay argued, "The dad is admitting he believes in the good in the world and Santa. It's magic."

Laughing harder, Hailey returned to the couch with their hot chocolate. "You're an idiot," she said as she settled into his side.

Taking a mug from her, Jay said, "It's a quality movie."

"I'm not saying it's not a quality movie, I'm saying you might love it too much."

"There a problem with that?"

Hailey looked up at Jay and smiled. "Not at all," she said softly.

He kissed her forehead then pressed play on the movie and took a slow sip of hot chocolate. As the opening notes of the movie played, he relaxed into the couch and sank into the feeling of Christmas.

When he was younger, he remembered being genuinely scared that Santa would take the holiday off. He sent letters every day in December when he was six years-old. Will had teased him about it until quietly admitting on Christmas Eve that he hoped all of his letters worked.

Glancing at Hailey, he wondered if their kids would ever do the same. He kind of hoped they would or that they'd at least send letters about what gifts they wanted to Santa. It sounded fun.

The thought of his future kids almost completely distracted him throughout the entire movie; he only drifted back to reality whenever Hailey would hum along with a song or hold a cookie up to his lips.

When the movie ended, though, he was not the one to bring up their future holidays; Hailey did: "Do you think our kids will like that movie?"

"They better," Jay said, wrapping an arm around her side to hold her close just as another movie began on the TV.

Hailey smiled and pressed her face into his chest. "I hope so too," she said softly.

Jay hummed and carded his fingers through her hair. Looking down at her relaxed and at peace against him, he realized he didn't want to talk more about their future right now - whether that be the future in which he was gone or the one when he returned to Chicago. He wanted to soak in this moment. He was here with Hailey only for another week; they had a lot of time for the future, but they only had right now for the present. Kids could wait. Hailey could not.

So he bent down to kiss her, tasting the icing on her lips and the hot chocolate on her tongue. He could feel her moan against him as she slowly sat up and climbed on top of him. With his hands on her hips and hers in his hair, this was all he wanted: Christmas lights, too much sugar, his favorite movies, and his wife.

The perfect reminders of all the good in the world and the magic that came with it.

Chapter Text

Hailey sat at the kitchen island sipping her coffee while staring forward. On the entryway table, she and Jay had placed a few snowglobes that they had along with old Christmas pictures to replace their usual ones. She had a picture of her old family dog playing in the snow and one from the year her mom took her to meet Santa, and Jay's was of him and his mom at a school Christmas party. From here, she could just barely make out the popsicle stick snowman he was holding. She briefly wondered if they still had that ornament anywhere.

Her concentration was broken when Jay stepped out of their room with a towel around his waist. "Hey, did that load finish in the dryer?" he asked.

Hailey blinked and looked at him. "Uh, yeah, yeah, it went off a few minutes ago."

"Cool," Jay said as he walked past her. Opening the door to the laundry closet, he said, "I'm feeling like today's another sweatpants day. I have no desire to leave the house. I just want you, some coffee, and a peanut butter sandwich."

Hailey laughed and said, "That's so weird."

"I'm craving it," Jay chuckled while pulling his clothes from the dryer.

"Don't you have peanut butter when you're there?" Hailey asked.

"Every once in a while," Jay answered. He kissed her cheek then picked up her coffee to take a sip. Humming under his breath, he said, "That's good."

"Thanks," Hailey said softly. She set a hand on his waist and brushed her thumb along the edge of the towel slowly.

Smiling down at her, Jay said, "Hi, you." He kissed her forehead then stepped back. "Should I even get dressed?"

Hailey scoffed with a laugh and said, "It's December."

"That's never stopped us before," Jay whispered, "Come on, what do you say?"

Hailey hummed softly and slowly looked him over. "Okay, go for it. I kind of missed you."

"Kind of?" Jay chuckled as he tilted her chin up.

"Yeah," she breathed before his lips met hers.

"Sounds like a challenge," Jay murmured while slipping his hands under her legs and hoisting her up around his waist.

"Are you up for it?" she whispered.

"Yes."

The day moved slow with Hailey falling in and out of blissful bubbles where she lost track of time, but whenever she would focus back in on Jay and the holidays, she couldn't help but think back to that picture on the entryway table. Eventually, she slipped on Jay's sweatpants he'd forgotten in the kitchen and made her way to pick the black frame up. Looking down at Jay and his mom's matching smiles, she sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"Hailey."

She glanced up at Jay coming out of their bedroom, a towel once again around his waist after they'd just taken a shower together. "Yeah?" she said softly.

"You're dressed," Jay replied.

Hailey raised an eyebrow and said, "I wouldn't say my sports bra and your sweatpants exactly counts as dressed."

"Still, it's clothes," Jay said. He stood behind her to wrap his arms around her waist and set his chin on her head. "What're you looking at that for?" he asked quietly.

"Couldn't stop thinking about her all day," Hailey admitted, setting the frame back down.

"Did we not just have sex all over this house? What the hell are you talking about?"

Hailey laughed slightly and turned in his arms. "Don't worry, I wasn't thinking about her while we were having sex-"

"Good, I was worried," Jay interrupted.

Hailey smiled and continued: "I was just wondering if you wanted to go see her. You didn't get a chance before you left, and last year we went on Christmas, so…"

Jay frowned and hugged her again. Pressing his lips to the top of her head, he let out a breath and whispered, "Yeah, I…I should have gone. I should go."

"You want me to come with you?" Hailey asked softly, smoothing her hands over his back.

Jay hummed his agreement and squeezed her tightly.

"Okay," she whispered before kissing the middle of his chest.

The air was rather frigid outside with snow still covering the ground. Jay's gloved hand was held tightly in Hailey's as they walked through the cemetery to the large pine tree that marked the area his parents were buried. In her other hand, Hailey held a small towel whereas Jay carried a small bouquet of roses.

The above lights lit their way in the near silence. Hailey had been to other cemeteries and usually felt rather creeped out, but this one was different. She didn't know if it was because her in-laws were buried here or because of all the landscaping, but she did think it was a nice place. It was a peaceful place within the chaos of Chicago.

As they approached the two lone headstones, Jay slowed. Glancing up at him, Hailey whispered, "You okay?"

He swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. Taking off his beanie, he took another few steps forward before kneeling in the snow.

"Here," Hailey said softly. She stepped around him to wipe the headstones with her towel then knelt down as well.

"Thanks," Jay breathed.

Hailey nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. She watched as he set the roses at the center of his mom's grave then wipe his eyes. Reaching up behind him to lightly run her fingers down the back of his head, she took a deep breath and whispered, "Merry Christmas."

Jay nodded and wiped his eyes again. "Merry Christmas," he breathed.

They sat in silence staring at the words etched in marble for longer than Hailey ever had before, but she didn't say anything about it. Not when Jay carefully moved over to face his dad's headstone or when he started slowly tracing the letters on each one or even when the snow seeped through her jeans. Hot tears did prick at her eyes, though, and all she could do was blink them away until finally Jay stood up and reached for her hand.

"You wanna just drive and look at lights?" he asked as they started walking back to the truck.

Hailey smiled at him and nodded. "I'd like that," she said softly.

Jay squeezed her hand in response then kissed the top of her head.

Once in the car, Hailey started their heated seats and turned the Christmas channel up on the radio. She grabbed Jay's hand again and smiled at him as he turned onto the road.

Again, no one said anything as they started their ride together. Jay drove them through the traffic so they could take in all the lights on the stores and the trees lit up in the parks before heading toward the neighborhoods that looked like Christmas threw-up on them.

"Thank you," he said softly as he slowed at a stop sign, "I didn't even realize I needed that."

"Always," she whispered back.

Jay brought her hand to his lips to lightly kiss her knuckles then turned into a subdivision. "Have I taken you here before?" he asked.

Hailey hummed and looked around at the passing, glowing houses. "I don't think so," she answered, "Nothing's really standing out to me."

Jay nodded and said, "Well, this is where I grew up."

Hailey's eyes widened as she said, "Really?"

Nodding again, Jay turned down a street before slowing in front of a small house with white lights wrapped along the fence and a big wreath on the front door. "That's the one," he said, "Looks nicer now than when it was just my dad, but it doesn't hold anything to the decorations he put up when my mom was still around. We used to just cover this place. It was kind of obnoxious, but that's what made it fun."

Hailey laughed and said, "Sounds like it. Did you help too?"

"Yeah, I helped my dad with the roof, and Will did a lot of the trees. My mom did the fence just like this now," Jay explained, "It was a whole family affair."

Hailey smiled and squeezed his hand. "I like that."

Jay nodded and stared at his childhood home. Swallowing and nodding to himself, he seemed to debate his words before carefully asking, "Do you…ever think of doing that?"

Hailey raised an eyebrow and replied softly, "Doing what?"

"This," Jay said with a gesture toward the house, "Getting a home and decorating it with our kids. Would you want that?"

Hailey turned further in her seat to properly face him then said, "Honestly, I never imagined decorating a house with all the lights because I didn't grow up like that - our house was always kind of plain looking on the outside because my dad didn't want to increase the electricity bill - but I do think about having a family with you and getting a tree and having happy memories. I think putting lights up could definitely be one of those happy memories."

Jay's face lit up as he said, "I think it could be too."

"So…some day," Hailey said, turning back toward the house, "I do want that some day."

Jay reached over to kiss the side of her head. "It'll be worth it."

Hailey glanced back to him and smiled. "I think that's a given."

If possible, Jay's smile widened even more as he started driving again through the neighborhood. He pointed out houses his friends used to live in and trees he'd fallen out of as a kid. It entertained Hailey all night; she could have listened to him talk for hours.

But eventually they did return to their apartment where they went back to their earlier activities, but instead of laughing and joking around throughout, they went slow and whispered about everything they loved and needed from each other. It felt like the perfect way for them to conclude a night dedicated to celebrating their family and what it could be.

Because it was going to be something some day, and they couldn't wait.

Chapter Text

Jay caught his breath as he slowly dragged his fingers down Hailey's bare skin. They'd made themselves a little nest of sorts in the living room right next to the Christmas tree where they had the perfect view of the ball dropping on the TV and any potential fireworks outside over the harbor. All thoughts of both of those had faded away as their clothes fell to the floor around them. It hadn't been the intention of their night, but it'd been what they needed - especially after the week they'd had together.

Goosebumps suddenly popped up on Hailey's skin causing her to let out a quiet moan before pressing herself closer to him.

"You okay?" he whispered.

"Mhmm." Hailey wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed her face up into his throat. "Just feels like a dream. We really spent a week together."

"And have another left," he said softly, leaning down to kiss the top of her head.

Hailey sighed and dug her fingers into his side. "Don't remind me; I don't want to think about you leaving again - it's too scary."

Jay frowned and lightly traced his fingers down her spine. "I-I know, I'm sorry."

Hailey kissed his throat in response then settled back down with her fingers slowly swirling along his skin. Her soft movements nearly sent him to sleep, but he couldn't let her go. He wanted to spend every single moment he possibly could with her before having to leave again; however, he knew the day would come, and it wasn't going to be easy, but he wanted to at least attempt to make it not as hard as it could be.

"Hailey?" he whispered.

She hummed and rubbed his side.

"Let's make a list of things to look forward to," he breathed, "Things we can do next year when I come home - some goals, intentions, dates, anything that'll make us happy."

Hailey smiled against his skin then looked up at him. "I like that."

"All right then," Jay replied with his own smile. He carefully untangled himself from the blankets and walked over to the cabinet. Returning with a pen and a notebook, he sat down just as Hailey pulled his t-shirt over her head.

"Trip to Colorado," she said immediately.

Jay raised an eyebrow and repeated, "Colorado?"

Hailey nodded seriously and said, "I want to go see the mountains. It's supposed to be really pretty. I…I had originally wanted to go for our anniversary this year; I thought we could go skiing."

Jay shot her a sad smile before opening the notebook to begin the list.

2023 To Do:

1 - Colorado

2 - New car for Hailey

"What?" Hailey said.

"You've had it for a while, you need to get a new one," Jay explained, "A safe one with zero miles and all the updates."

Hailey laughed slightly then said, "Okay."

Jay hesitated with his pen right above the paper and asked, "When exactly is some day?"

Hailey softened and set a hand on his arm. Brushing her thumb over his skin softly, she said, "We could make solid plans for some day when you come home."

Jay nodded and wrote in the journal:

3 - Plan for our future family

"What're your thoughts on dogs?" Hailey asked.

Jay smiled and countered, "You want a dog?"

Hailey shrugged and let a smile spread on her face again. "I think so. Dogs make good kids too."

Jay laughed and added to their list:

4 - Get a dog

"I'd like to run a marathon too," he said, but before he could write it down, Hailey grabbed his wrist.

"A marathon?" she repeated, "That's intense. Maybe a 5k."

"I could do it," Jay said.

"You're gonna come home in June and run a marathon right after?" Hailey asked, "It might not be impossible, but I think maybe a half marathon is a little more achievable. I'd be down for a half."

"You'd run a half marathon with me?" Jay said.

Hailey hummed and laughed softly. "I'd run it, might not be with you the entire time."

Jay laughed and said, "Fair enough."

5 - Run a half marathon (together?)

Hailey laughed harder as she shoved his arm. "Dork."

Jay chuckled and kissed her head.

"What else?" Hailey asked, "Anything you crave when you're there that you'd want to do when you come home?"

"Something I crave that I want to do?" Jay repeated with a smirk forming on his face, "Oh, wow, whatever could that be?"

Hailey laughed and covered her face. "Shut up."

"The line was right there, I had to," Jay laughed, but it didn't stop him from adding to his list.

6 – Day of sex

"You are actually ridiculous," Hailey said through her laughter.

Jay smiled and continued writing:

7 – Deep dish date

8 – Cheesecake

"Cheesecake?" Hailey asked.

"I want some," Jay replied, "Like…badly."

Hailey smiled and shook her head. "All right, then, we'll get you some cheesecake, but add frozen yogurt date for me," she said with a tap to the notebook.

"You got it," Jay said softly.

9 – Frozen yogurt date

"I think we need some things that aren't food," he chuckled, "Anywhere else we want to go?"

Hailey hummed and settled into his side. "I don't know," she said softly, "What's the internet say?"

"We're not looking on the internet for our 2023 goals," Jay said, "It's got to be stuff that we want to do – stuff we want to do together, things we can look forward to."

"Then what about something new?" Hailey suggested, "We could learn a new skill maybe, like taking a class or something."

Jay slowly nodded and lightly twirled his fingers around her hair while tapping his pen to the notebook. With a glance to their record player wrapping up their only Christmas album, he smiled and added to the list.

10 – Take a dance class

Hailey's eyes widened and she whispered, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Jay said softly, looking down to meet her eyes, "Sound fun? We never really had a first dance, so this could be like that."

Hailey hesitated before a smile broke across her face. "Yeah, that sounds like a lot of fun, actually."

"Perfect." Jay kissed her forehead then squeezed her to his side. "Ten is a good amount, but anything else you can think of that we've never done before or could do next year?"

Hailey let out a breath and stared at the Christmas tree framed by the lights of the harbor. She suddenly sat up and asked, "Have you ever gone on a sailboat?"

Jay smiled in reply and simply added to the list:

11 – Go sailing

"Add camping too," Hailey said softly, "Tent camping. I know you've gone, but it could be romantic as long as it's not raining...or maybe that could still be, I don't know. I've never done it."

12 – Tent camping

"We've got a lot of summer plans," Jay said, "We'll be busy once I come home."

Hailey shrugged, "I have the vacation days saved up, and Colorado doesn't have to be during the summer – that could be a ski trip in December."

"True," Jay said, nodding, "I like that plan."

Together, they silently stared at the writing on the paper until the music ran out in the background. Jay couldn't think of anything else to add to the list, and he wondered if it looked too short. He really hoped it wasn't something lame that they'd just done, but then again, maybe it was the perfect amount to complete in the six months they'll have remaining of the year once he comes back from Bolivia.

Just as he was about to rip the paper from the notebook, Hailey grabbed his pen and quickly scrawled out the last goal for 2023:

13 – Be happy. :)

Jay smiled. "It's perfect."

Hailey smiled back and said, "I was hoping so. It's not…it's not going to be easy without you, but I promise to attempt to be happy when you're not here, and obviously I'll be really happy once you come back."

Jay kissed her quickly then said, "And I'll try to do the same."

Hailey set a hand on his cheek as she said, "Try to watch the sunset?"

"Only if you try to watch the sunrise at least once," he replied.

Hailey hummed and looked out at the water. Smiling, she said, "I think I can definitely do that."

Jay grabbed the pen back, added their last two intentions for the year, then pushed off the ground to go stick the list to the fridge.

14 – Watch the sunset

15 – Watch at least one sunrise

It wasn't going to be an easy year, but it'd be satisfactory upon its finish. He was already looking forward to this exact moment in 365 days when he could look at the list of things they'd crossed off and know how far they'd come. It was going to be a good year. He was going to make sure of it.

Chapter Text

Jay stepped in the bedroom with a tube of lotion and said, "Is this the one?"

Hailey looked over from rubbing a towel through her hair and smiled. "Yes, thank you."

He hummed and walked over to sit on their bed. "Come here," he said softly, "Let me rub it in for you."

Hailey's smile widened as she crossed the room to sit at his side. She slipped the towel from her chest and let it fall around her.

Jay kissed the back of her neck before squeezing the lotion into his hands and slowly rubbing it into her skin.

Closing her eyes, Hailey moaned softly and tipped her head forward. They had a (small) tradition of spending the entirety of New Year's Day in bed, and since they'd already been doing that for the past few days, to make it different, Jay suggested they put their free-standing tub to use for once. It'd never been used, so Hailey looked forward to finding out what it'd be like to fit the two of them in it together.

It'd been as relaxing as Jay had promised with bubbles floating around them, candles lighting the room, and the smell of vanilla wafting from the hot water. Hailey loved it so much, not only did she want to make it a new New Year's Day tradition, but she figured she should try to have one on her own every once in a while to relax after a long day at work. Even right now, with Jay's hands slowly sliding over her bare skin, she thought getting the occasional massage wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. If 2023 was going to be their year of doing new things together, maybe she could do some new things on her own too.

She let out a surprised gasp when Jay's thumbs brushed along her lower back. "Sorry," he murmured, "Just…" He shrugged and kissed the base of her neck again.

"Don't be," she whispered, "It felt really good."

"Good," he replied softly in her ear, "You wanna lay down?"

Her eyes fluttered open and she nodded before crawling forward to lay on their pillows. Their soft, cotton sheets felt cool against her warm skin, and then she was distracted by Jay's weight settling on the back of her thighs.

"Do you think about me a lot?" he asked softly, his hands returning to smooth along her back.

"Jay," she breathed, "Of course I do."

She couldn't see him, but she felt a slight movement on top of her. Turning her head over her shoulder, she added, "Every day before I fall asleep, I wonder if you're safe and what you did that day and…and if you thought about me."

"I always think about you," he replied. Rubbing his palm over her lower back, he said, "Every single second of every day-"

"That doesn't sound too safe," she gently teased, "Aren't you looking for bad guys down there?"

Jay chuckled and lightly tickled her sides. "You know what I mean," he said softly, "I'm always thinking about you, and now I'll have some new memories to think about too."

"Yeah," Hailey breathed. She met his gaze for a moment before he slipped his hand around her front and drew a quiet moan from her lips making her eyelids fall close.

"You're really pretty like this," Jay whispered.

Hailey couldn't help but scoff under her breath. "My hair's still wet and my skin's all red from the bath."

"All the more beautiful," Jay said, "You look real and raw right now. I love you all the time, but when you take things slow and just relax, that's when you're absolutely perfect. Reminds me of our first night together."

Hailey raised an eyebrow and carefully rolled onto her back beneath him. "Sorry?" she said, "How?"

Jay shrugged and set his hands on her sides so his thumbs could slowly brush over her. "I'd always thought you were pretty, but as I got to know you, that's when I realized how beautiful you really were. And then, suddenly, I had you underneath me on your bed, like now, and I saw all of you-"

"Birthmarks, scars, and everything," Hailey said softly.

"Hey, you saw all of me too," Jay chuckled.

Hailey smiled and nodded, reaching up to gently touch the nearly faded scar on his chest.

"But, I don't know, that's when it just all clicked in my head," Jay continued, resting his hand on her cheek, "You weren't shying away or asking to turn off the lights. You were just being you; you were confident and sexy all while going between taking control and letting me do what I wanted too. It was perfect – you were perfect. I knew I was going to marry you that night. I'd always figured I'd have you in my life forever, but that was really the first time I put the words to it. I wanted to marry you not just because of what you looked like, but because of how you acted and how you held yourself. You were vulnerable while being full of life and smiles. It was the perfect night."

Hailey felt her cheeks blush as she smiled up at her husband. She remembered that night all too well and thought about it often. There was something freeing about bringing Jay into her bedroom and finally acting on all of her feelings for him. In that moment, she hadn't been worried about what was going to happen between them, but excited at all of the feelings swirling within her.

She also remembered how it'd felt to have Jay's fingers digging into her hips and his hot breath against her throat. It brought a smile to her face that matched the flutter in her stomach, so she reached out to lightly brush her fingers along his thighs.

"Thank you," she said softly, "I…" She took a deep breath and blinked her eyes quickly to gather her thoughts.

Jay nodded and gently brushed his fingers through her hair so that he could swirl one strand against her pillow.

She relaxed at his light touch and felt any nerves she had fade away. "I thought it was perfect too," she finally said, "We weren't drunk, we weren't strangers, we were just us. It was new, but it was also comfortable and fun. I knew it wasn't going to be a one-night thing. It was with you, and I wasn't going to lose you."

A slight smile crossed Jay's face before he carefully got off of her. Laying down on his back at her side, he whispered, "I'm sorry if you felt like you lost me in this past year. I wish more than anything that it hadn't happened. You deserve me to be that guy from our first night together, and I failed."

"Hey, no," Hailey whispered while pushing up onto her elbow. Setting a hand on his chest, she felt his heart thump under her palm and focused on it while slowly debating her words. "We've both done things in this past year that we regret, that's not a secret. You might not have been at your best recently, but I also haven't been at my best either. We're using our time apart to get better, right? We can't focus on our failures – not anymore and especially not during our short time left together. 2023 is going to be our year, remember? It needs to be. Let's have a lot more memories like our first night together and a lot less like our last night."

Tears welled in her eyes and her bottom lip started shaking, but putting the words out in the open air while watching Jay receive them felt freeing just like that first night. She had accepted his apology weeks before over the phone, and now she was finally voicing how she wanted to move on. She needed to move on, and she needed Jay to do it with her. It was a new year, so it was time for a new, more mature them.

Jay blinked against his own tears and nodded quickly. "Okay," he whispered.

Hailey tried smiling at him as she brushed her thumb over his warm skin. She held his gaze for a moment then slipped her leg over his waist to push up on top of him causing Jay to weakly laugh.

"What're you doing up there?" he asked.

"Repaying that massage you gave me," she replied. Wiping her face, she took a deep breath and smirked. She tipped her head to the side and asked, "You okay with that?" while leaning forward to press her chest to his.

Jay chuckled against her lips and whispered, "Very okay."

Trudy had given them a box of chocolate for Christmas with a gift card for food delivery, so with the stars and the moon shining down on them through the skylight in their bedroom, Hailey sat opposite of Jay while eating her take-out Italian and listening to him recount one of his last missions he'd gone on before he came back to Chicago. When he finished, he accepted a mouthful of lasagna and asked about the night she had figured out the cabin connection in Sean's case with Kim. While she spoke, he ate his cannelloni and occasionally fed her a few bites as well. He kept interjecting with his praise for her work causing several smiles to cross her face. Even if Jay hadn't been there to see what she'd done, he was still proud of her, and that was the most reassuring thing she'd felt regarding her job in a long time.

They celebrated by digging into the box of chocolate, and Hailey couldn't remember a time she'd laughed so hard. Her husband did not love sweets, but he loved her and would do whatever she asked even if it included, reluctantly, trying many of the chocolates before she took a bite of them herself.

He coughed out a fake gag and dropped a sticky chocolate into her palm. "Like fake cherry," he said while reaching back to grab his glass of wine. Taking a big gulp of it, he then said, "I think fake cherry needs to be banned. That's worse than medicine."

Hailey laughed and popped the chocolate in her mouth. While the flavor was rather strong, she didn't think it was as disgusting as he was making it out to be. "You're so dramatic," she said.

Jay shook his head and quickly tossed a plain, milk chocolate in his mouth. Once he swallowed it, he said, "That was bad. I can't do cherry."

"Since when?" Hailey laughed, "You've always loved cherries."

"Cherries," Jay pointed out, "Not cherry flavor. It's just not good. Reminds me of being a kid and struggling to take medicine."

"Oh, children's medicine is disgusting," Hailey agreed, "I practiced swallowing M&Ms whole so that I could get pills faster."

Jay snorted and shook his head. "Now that's commitment."

Hailey smiled and opened her mouth for the piece of chocolate Jay offered her. She hummed at the coconut filling then said, "I'll admit, that one's better."

Jay nodded and said, "I do agree with that." He reached out to brush his thumb on the side of her mouth then smiled at her.

"Oops," she said softly.

Jay chuckled and leaned forward to kiss her quickly. His tongue swiped over her bottom lip before he sat back and said, "Got it."

Hailey laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear. "Thank you, how kind."

Jay shrugged and took the piece of chocolate she was holding out for him. Holding it up to examine it, he said, "I try, I try."

Laughing harder, Hailey reached forward to shove his chest earning a laugh from him as well.

Glancing down at the nearly empty box of chocolate, Jay said, "I liked this – surprising, I know, but it was a good dessert for the Italian food. We should do it more often when I come home."

Hailey smiled and said, "I think so too."

"I bet we could do it before then too. Maybe a Valentine's date?" Jay asked, "What do you say? We can send each other chocolate, and we'll eat it together over FaceTime."

Hailey's face lit up as she replied, "That'll be perfect."

"Something to look forward too," Jay said, "I can add it to our list."

Before he could get out of bed, though, Hailey shot her hand forward and grabbed his wrist. "Tomorrow," she said, "Add it to the list tomorrow. Right now is about chocolate and us."

Jay smiled and nodded. Settling back in his spot, he said softly, "Okay."

Hailey took one last sip of wine then set the box of chocolate on her nightstand so that she could properly cuddle close into Jay's side amongst their pillows. She hummed softly and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Comfortable?" he whispered.

"Very," she breathed, "I'm ready for whatever this year has to offer."

Jay smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Me too."

Hailey's smile widened as she turned her face into his side. Breathing him in, she truly understood the phrase of home being a person. He was warm and steady against her – just like he'd been that very first night together. Yes, they'd gone through several twists and turns and hit many speed bumps, but they survived all of that. She was certain they could survive whatever 2023 threw their way as well.

Chapter Text

"I don't know, Jay, I'm not the best at ice-skating."

"I'll hold your hand, promise."

Hailey huffed and sat down on a bench. "What if I fall and you fall on me?" she asked.

Jay chuckled and knelt in front of her. "Then we fall together," he said while slipping her left shoe off. He glanced at the skates then tucked her foot into one.

"Okay, cute, but…you could get hurt, and then America will hate me," Hailey replied as Jay began tying her skate.

He laughed harder and stopped messing with her skate. "You're ridiculous," he said, "But if you truly don't want to skate with me, we can just walk around and look at the lights. I'll buy you a hot chocolate too."

Hailey raised an eyebrow then relaxed and said, "How about I go ice-skating with you, and then you buy me a hot chocolate and a cookie?"

"And a cookie?" Jay repeated with a smile, "I think that's doable." He kissed her knee before quickly getting her other skate on her right foot. Once he was done, he moved onto the bench next to her to put his own skates on, though Hailey did make it difficult by lightly running her gloved fingers over the back of his neck and down his spine.

Asking her to go ice-skating had been kind of a selfish request. He knew she wasn't the biggest fan of actually doing the sport despite liking watching it during the Olympics. It was just a personal favorite of his. When he was younger, his mom would take him and Will every year over Christmas break while their dad worked. The two of them would try out new tricks like spinning and skating backwards while their mom watched from the sidelines with the biggest smile on her face.

So while he loved holding Hailey's hand and spinning her around an ice rink, he also loved feeling the bitter wind on his face and remembering what it was like to be thirteen without anything real to worry about.

"All right," he said as he stood up, "Are you ready?"

"Nervous, but yes," Hailey replied. She grabbed his hand then shakily stood up just for her other hand to shoot out and grab his coat.

"Hey, hey, you're good," he said, a laugh teasing at his voice, "I've got you."

"We're not even on the ice yet and I'm already failing," Hailey mumbled as Jay helped her slowly walk toward the rink.

"You are not failing," he said, stopping at the edge of the ice. He let go of one of her hands to cup her jaw and ask, "Are you sure you want to go out there with me?"

Hailey bit her lip and glanced over his shoulder. She then sighed and smiled at him. "I'm sure."

"Okay," Jay said softly, placing a kiss on her cold, pink nose. He stepped back on the ice and put his hands out. "You can do it," he said.

"I can do this," Hailey repeated. She gripped his hands before making her way onto the ice just to immediately press herself against him with a gasp. "Jay."

"I've got you," he laughed, "We're okay."

Hailey nodded as he guided her toward the edge of the rink then reached out for the wall.

"There ya go," Jay said, "See? You can do this."

She shot him a smile and said, "Yeah, okay, this isn't awful."

"Not at all," he replied, skating closer to her to place his right hand on her back and grab her left with his own, "Doing it together."

Hailey laughed softly and nodded. "I like it."

Jay smiled and looked around at everyone else. He was certain there was a six year-old boy who was about to lap them and a pair of elderly women were doing a much better job than Hailey, but he was still happy. He was back home in the frigid air with his wife at Christmas. It really couldn't get better than that.

They made two laps around the rink in peaceful silence before Hailey broke it to say, "I'm ready."

"For what?" Jay laughed.

Hailey answered by lifting her hand from the edge of the rink and waving it around. "Let's live dangerously," she said.

Jay laughed harder and gently tugged her further from the wall. "Like we don't already do that."

"This is serious danger," Hailey joked, "There's ice which is cold and skates which are sharp."

"Ah, yes, much scarier than bullets and bad guys."

"I'd much rather dodge a bullet than impale myself."

Jay smirked and squeezed Hailey's hand. "You won't impale yourself on anything here."

She pointed to their feet and said, "We're basically gliding around on knives."

Jay laughed and spun himself backwards so he could pull her along the ice. "Have some faith, Hail, this is fun."

"Oh, it's fun," Hailey agreed, "I like watching you do this. You're very good."

"Yeah? Should I have gone into a hockey career?"

"Maybe. I think you would have been an excellent addition to the Blackhawks."

Jay smiled and tugged her closer to him. Holding her hands between the two of them, he said, "I would have gone for it if it wasn't so damn expensive."

Hailey raised an eyebrow and asked, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jay said with a slight sigh, "Way more expensive than soccer and even more expensive than baseball. I had enough fun with those, though, that I was okay not doing every sport known to man."

Hailey smiled slightly and said, "I'm sorry you couldn't follow your dream."

"Oh, it wasn't a real dream," Jay replied while moving to her right side, "Just something I would have liked to do."

Hailey hummed and slowly nodded. "Makes sense. I guess I would have liked to get into writing. It was a sort of dream."

"Writing?" Jay repeated, "I didn't know you liked writing."

"It was easy to do," Hailey said, watching her feet glide along the ice, "I could sit in a booth at my parents' diner and just write while I waited for customers or food to be ready. They thought I was doing homework, so it all worked out."

"Do you still have anything you wrote?" Jay asked.

"I'm sure I do," Hailey said with a nod, "I kept all my writing notebooks. I think they're in the top of our closet. I have all my writing from college on a flashdrive too."

Jay slowly nodded as he softly asked, "Would you let me take a look at some time?"

Hailey glanced up at him then said, "Yeah, maybe I could do that. It's a lot of poetry."

Jay smiled at her and said, "Sounds nice."

Hailey shrugged and opened her mouth to reply only for the movement to make her sway more than she anticipated. Grabbing at Jay's arm quickly, she swore and said, "Jay!"

"Hey, whoa!" He grabbed back at her hand just for gravity to get the best of them and cause them both to fall hard on the ice.

"Shoot," Hailey mumbled and tried sitting up.

Jay chuckled and put a hand on her cheek. "It's okay. Take a second."

"No, I…" Hailey sighed and said, "Why do I suck at this?"

"You do not suck," Jay said, "It's hard." He pushed up on his knees then kissed her forehead. "You'll get the hang of it," he added before standing up and grabbing her hands.

"I hope so, that kind of hurt," she mumbled.

Jay laughed and wiped the snow from her pants. "Want me to kiss it and make it feel better?"

Hailey relaxed with a laugh while brushing the snow from his coat. "You know what? I kind of do."

"Perfect," Jay chuckled, "We'll take a shower at home and then you can show me all the bruises."

Hailey smiled and gripped his coat tightly so she could shakily reach up to kiss him.

He hummed against her lips and held her close to his chest. "There you go," he said softly, "Tip toes and everything like a real figure skater."

Laughing softly, Hailey wrapped her arms around his shoulders then looked up at the sky. "Look at that," she whispered, "It's snowing."

But Jay didn't look. Fully knowing how cheesy what he was about to say was, he simply smiled and said, "It's beautiful."

Hailey nodded then looked at him with her big eyes and flushed cheeks. She instantly laughed, knowing his own eyes hadn't moved at all. Shaking her head, she said, "You're unbelievable."

"So are you," he said softly, "I love you."

"I love you too," Hailey replied.

Jay smiled then glanced up at the sky. He hummed and nodded to himself. "It's nice," he said, "But doesn't hold a candle to you."

"Charming," Hailey whispered before tugging on his coat so he could lean down and kiss her again.

He gladly agreed.

Chapter Text

Hailey hated to admit it, but it was time she told Jay she hadn't been in a grocery store in months. Living off of fast food and granola bars had gotten her rather far, and on the days where she actually was at home, the grocery delivery service was too convenient to deny. But he was determined to help her ease back into everyday life after the human trafficking case and living in her car, and that included escorting her to the grocery store and filling her cart with anything he knew she loved.

"I want you cooking real food, Hailey, not just having a piece of celery or a slice of cheese every once in a while," Jay said as they walked along the meat section.

She raised an eyebrow and gestured to the cart she was pushing. "And the ten frozen meals you put in here are real food?"

"Those are for late nights at work," Jay said, "You can't starve yourself. I'm worried about you."

"I'm not starving myself; I just wasn't hungry," Hailey sighed.

Jay picked up a package of hot dogs and said, "Food is important – you need to eat for energy. It'll help your brain at work too."

"Oh my god," Hailey breathed. She couldn't help but roll her eyes as she said, "It's fine. I've been busy. This wasn't a cry for help, it was me admitting that maybe you had a good point the other day about the food I've been eating or not eating. You know it's hard to eat when you're-"

"But it's still important," Jay said, tossing the hot dogs into the cart.

Hailey stared down at them then said, "And hot dogs are the healthy option?"

Jay sighed, "Hailey, I'm trying to help."

She softened and glanced at her feet. Nodding slowly, she murmured, "Thank you."

"Of course," Jay replied softly. He stepped forward, placed a kiss to her temple, then returned to the meat to grab out a package of ground beef.

Hailey smiled slightly as she watched him. She knew in her gut that he meant well, it just hurt knowing he could so easily see that she'd been struggling. She didn't want him to have to worry about her while he was gone. It was probably inevitable, but she still wanted to make things easier for him on that front.

As they walked together, she occasionally added food that she wanted to the cart much to Jay's enjoyment, and then she noticed the end-cap filled with discount holiday snacks. Smiling to herself, she left Jay at the juice display to see what was on sale. She grabbed a bag of Christmas tree shaped pretzels and a spatula since she'd accidentally burnt hers when they'd made cookies the other day. Before she could return to the cart, she spotted a gingerbread house kit on the bottom shelf. She'd never made one before, and this one was 75% off.

"What's that?" Jay asked as he pushed the cart closer to her.

"Want to do it?" Hailey countered while placing the other items in the cart.

Jay smiled and took the box from her. Staring at it, he nodded, placed it in the cart, and said, "Why not? I can show you how artistic I am."

Hailey laughed and shoved his arm. "Okay, big guy," she teased, "I think I'm definitely a bit more artistic than you are, but we'll see."

Laughing with her, Jay pushed the cart toward the front of the store and said, "I know my colors."

"You wear blue and grey-"

"And green."

"Okay, so then why was your apartment almost exclusively brown when I first met you? That's the worst color."

"Brown isn't terrible. My hair is brown, and I'm pretty sure gingerbread people and houses are brown, so there you go."

Hailey laughed and lightly pushed Jay's back as they approached the cash registers. He winked down at her before putting their (maybe excessive amount of) groceries on the conveyor belt. She let out a soft breath and watched as everything, including the gingerbread house, slid up to be paid for. It was a kind gesture on Jay's part, and an eye-opening moment for her. He was right: she needed to take better care of herself, and this was going to be a decent start.

Jay looked proud of himself once all the groceries were placed in the cupboards and fridge, and Hailey couldn't help but laugh as she settled on a bar stool to open the gingerbread house. "I'll be set for weeks," she said.

"I know," Jay replied with a nod, "I can breathe easy now. Just make sure you actually eat it all and not just let it go to waste."

"I will," Hailey assured. She carefully spread the hard cookies out on the island and said, "Okay, so I think we put the sides up first."

Jay sat next to her and picked up the icing. Staring at it, he asked, "Are we sure this will stick?"

"Isn't that the whole point of it?" Hailey countered, "They wouldn't sell it if it didn't work."

Jay laughed and said, "I think they would. People sell broken stuff all the time."

"You're such a cynic," Hailey laughed with him.

"I'm a cop," Jay replied easily as he moved to grab the cookies from her.

They both froze, and Hailey felt her heart drop. She bit her lip and reached over to grab his hand. It was a comment they'd made dozens of times to explain anything in their lives: why they felt okay accidentally leaving the door unlocked one night, why they'd been hesitant about kids after Makayla'd been kidnapped, why they always made sure to drink plenty of water before leaving parties or bars. The only difference this time was that Jay wasn't a cop anymore. He was just some guy who used to be one.

"Sorry," he mumbled and shakily squirted the frosting onto the edge of one of the cookies.

"No, hey, don't be," she whispered back, "Jay-"

"Today's about you," he interrupted, "And making sure you're okay and healthy and-" He stopped to try balancing the cookie on the tray the kit had come with only for it to quickly fall over.

"Jay," she said, her voice becoming steady again, "Today is not just about me. Nothing ever is. This break we're on is about us and Christmas and figuring everything out, right? Your job is one of those things." She squeezed his hand before reaching up to brush her fingers over his jaw. "Maybe you're not a cop right now, but you were one, and it will always stay with you."

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and thought back to a conversation they'd had years before on a warm day in the fall. They'd been standing outside a mosque, and Jay had insisted that the war wasn't who he was anymore. That had been true, but his role in the war? Who he was when he was there? That had always stayed with him. It was especially true now when he fell too deep into the cop world that the one thing that could pull him out was his previous job.

She opened her eyes again to see that same man from before in front of her. Physically, he looked slightly different, older, from that guy outside a mosque, but she knew that his soul was the same. He was still the same guy she'd fallen in love with who struggled figuring out who he was outside of the war – both the one in Afghanistan and the one in Chicago. She took another deep breath then pushed the icing from his hands.

"Hailey-"

She shook her head and put her hands on either side of his neck just like she'd done the night before he left her so she could look him in the eyes and assure him that she knew who he truly was beneath all his fears and worries about everything that ever crossed his mind.

Tilting her head to the side, she whispered, "You never stopped being a soldier just like you'll never stop being a cop. Yes, they are both jobs you used to have, but they affected who you are. That's what life does. We lived our lives helping people and fighting for a better world – that doesn't do nothing to us. It molds us into who we are; it becomes a piece of us. You're hesitant about things as silly as gingerbread houses because you've been involved in one-too-many drug cases where people are lying about what they're selling. That's fine. You are a cop. Your paycheck might not be from the Chicago Police Department anymore, but you'll always be a detective."

Jay bit the inside of his cheek then nodded slowly.

"And to me," Hailey continued softly as a smile teased her lips, "You'll always be Jay Halstead: this pretty attractive guy from Canaryville who makes me feel safe and who makes me laugh even when he refuses to eat cucumbers or a chocolate bar. You're my husband; your job will never, ever change that."

Jay laughed slightly and nodded again. "Okay," he whispered, "Thank you."

Hailey nodded back and kissed his cheek before hugging him tightly. "I love you," she whispered in his ear, "You are a really good, dependable man. You're my man."

Smiling, Jay rubbed his hands over her back then kissed her quickly. "And you're my girl. I love you too."

"I like that," Hailey said softly as she placed her arms over his shoulders, "We're each other's."

"Forever," Jay reminded her while holding up his left hand.

Hailey laughed and grabbed his hand. "I like that even more," she added, "You know what else I'd like?"

"Hmm?" Jay hummed as he kissed the back of her hand.

"To see if we can actually make this gingerbread house," Hailey teasingly whispered.

Jay laughed and turned back to the fallen cookies and icing. "I think we can," he said, "I'm not sure how, but I think we'll be able to do it."

Hailey smiled and grabbed the icing. "Okay, let's start with you holding the pieces where they go, and I'll glue them together."

"You're the boss, like always," Jay laughed.

Rolling her eyes, Hailey jokingly shoved him before getting to work on sticking the cookies to the stand. Together, they spent the next half hour setting the gingerbread house up so they could then decorate it. Their time was spent mostly redoing their work that kept falling down, but Hailey couldn't think of anything she'd rather be doing – even if they swore and yelled out in frustration more in that half hour than they had in their last year of marriage. And yet for every swear word that crossed their lips, they laughed and teased each other twice as much.

It only increased when Jay suggested they grab out their whiskey to wash down the gumdrops and bits of icing they were eating. Hailey went along with it through her laughter then held out her finger for Jay to lick the frosting off of, which led to her suggesting other places she could put the frosting for him.

"Are you asking me to lick you?" Jay asked as he stuck a gumdrop to the top of the house.

Hailey hummed and said softly, "Maybe."

Jay smirked then glanced at her. "Love that thought, but-"

"No, no buts," Hailey laughed, "Just do it, please."

"What about me?" Jay asked while laughing himself, "What do I get?"

"To lick your wife," Hailey answered.

Jay snorted and said, "That is very tempting, but what if you also put your own tongue to use. This can't be one-sided."

"Interesting, interesting," Hailey said, nodding along and adding another gumdrop next to Jay's, "I'm not against that either, but we'd have to decide who goes first."

"Ah, so you're suggesting a competition," Jay chuckled, "All right, then, let's do it. Whoever can make a better roof piece gets to go first."

"As in-"

"I don't know, to be licked or do the licking, up to the winner."

Hailey laughed and nodded quickly. "Sounds perfect. And we're deciding by…"

Jay grabbed his phone and said, "Sending pictures to our friends. They have to vote on the roof pictures and say which one looks better. That'll be the winner."

Hailey's smirk grew, and she said, "Then it's on, commander."

Jay's laughter rang throughout the kitchen as they quickly began working on the roof. Hailey couldn't help but keep glancing up at him as they worked and smiled at the concentration clearly on his face. Originally, she really had wanted to win, but after their earlier conversation about who he was and his past, she figured he could use a win, so she threw their challenge and purposefully messed up the icing and patterns on the roof.

Only for Jay to, maybe, do the exact same thing: his roof looked horrible with dripping icing and mismatched, uneven gumdrops. It made Hailey laugh because she couldn't decide if he had thrown it as well or if he'd put his full effort into it.

It didn't matter, though. She decided to call everything off, grab the icing, and lead the way into their bedroom.

It was maybe her favorite night so far.

Chapter Text

"What time's your flight out?"

Jay glanced up at Will and swallowed his bite of omelet. Under the table, Hailey's hand reached over to grip his knee. They hadn't wanted to really think about the coming days when he would have to pack up and leave, but they both knew the conversation was going to have to happen at some point.

Over breakfast with his brother, though, wasn't exactly when he'd been hoping to have it.

"Uh, three," Jay answered, setting his free hand on top of Hailey's.

Will nodded and sipped his coffee. "Mind stopping by before leaving? Or do you need a ride?"

"Yes, I'll stop by, but no, I don't need a ride," Jay replied. He glanced at Hailey and said quietly, "You'll take me, right?"

"Of course," she breathed.

He shot her a small smile then grabbed a piece of his toast.

"Sounds good," Will said. Taking the last bite of his breakfast, he asked, "So what're your plans for today, then? Anything else you need to check off of your vacation bucket list?"

"Um, not quite sure," Jay said, "We've done a lot."

"Yeah, those gingerbread houses were, uh, something else," Will chuckled.

Hailey softened and laughed. "We could have done better," she said, "We were a bit preoccupied."

Will raised an eyebrow. "Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Jay laughed, "But if you must-"

"No, no, you have that look, if it's not necessary, then I don't need to hear it," Will interrupted quickly.

Hailey laughed along with Jay and said, "Then let's keep all our personal lives private and in the bedroom."

"Or on the couch or in the shower," Jay breathed.

Rolling his eyes, Will mumbled, "Oh my god."

Jay chuckled and said, "Come on, don't say you've just been lonely and by yourself. Who'd you spend New Year's Eve with?"

"That blonde doctor, right?" Hailey guessed, "You two seemed to be getting along last time I was at Med."

Hesitating slightly, Jay turned toward her and said, "You've been at Med?"

"For work," Hailey replied easily with a wave of her hand.

Will cleared his throat and appeared to be pretending to drink some of his coffee when Jay looked back at him and raised an eyebrow. "She's right," he said, "You do have a girlfriend now, huh?"

"Not exactly, but yeah, we've talked," Will replied.

"Talked with your words or…" Hailey trailed off with a laugh.

"Having a sister really is annoying," Will said.

Hailey smirked to herself and finished her waffle.

Jay laughed softly and said, "Well, I'd like to meet her eventually."

"Me too," Hailey added, "As a person, not as a cop."

Will let out a breath then said, "Yeah, okay. We could do that. Are you two busy tonight or are you doing your own version of 'talking?'"

"We…" Jay met Hailey's eyes then shrugged.

"What do you have in mind?" Hailey asked.

"Well, there's that Light Up the Night event at the hospital," Will began, "We could all go get drinks after."

"Oh," Hailey breathed and sat back in her seat.

Jay raised an eyebrow and asked, "Do we have other plans?"

"No, no, um." Hailey shook her head and ran a hand through her hair. "Sorry, I just totally forgot about that. I took off the entire time Jay was home, and I wasn't checking my emails. Shoot, I probably should have been doing that so I could at least let Trudy know we'd go."

"I really don't think it's a huge deal," Will said, "Just show up and turn the lights on in your car. If Trudy doesn't know you're coming, but you do anyway, is that really a bad thing?"

Hailey chewed her lip then quietly said, "I don't think so."

"Not at all," Jay assured her. He set a hand on her back and said, "I'll even drive."

Nodding, she tried to smile before pulling out her phone and quickly pulling up her email.

Jay couldn't look away from her as she tucked her hair behind her ear and continued scrolling through her phone. She wasn't okay – that much was clear – but with Will sitting right there in front of him, he knew now wasn't the time to bring any of it up, so he settled on gently scratching her back while turning back toward his brother to wrap their conversation up. Will wanted to go to Molly's that night, but the thought of talking with more people about how he'd just decided to up and leave Chicago wasn't the most comforting, so he suggested they think of more options and just decide that night. Thankfully for him, Will seemed to catch his drift and silently nodded as he paid for the bill while keeping an eye on him.

"Thanks for breakfast," Jay said as the three of them walked out of the diner.

"Course, missed you – both of you," Will said with a pointed glance toward Hailey still scrolling through her phone.

Jay shot him an apologetic smile then said, "We'll see you tonight."

Will nodded and patted his arm before heading in the opposite direction.

"All right, you, let me in your head," Jay sighed, walking Hailey over to his truck.

She looked up and said, "What?"

Jay laughed and nodded toward her phone. "What's going on?" he asked, "What happened back there? I really don't think Trudy-"

"It's not Trudy," Hailey interrupted, "It's just the emails in general. I should have been on top of them more. If something happened with Sean, how would I have found out? What if everything I did was for nothing?"

Jay raised an eyebrow and stopped walking. "Why would something have happened with your case?"

"If he died," Hailey breathed as she looked back down.

"I think Voight would have called you to let you know," Jay said, "It's not-"

"They caught another case," she continued quietly, "Torres included me on an email about it. What about the girls we found? Are they at Med still?"

The wind bit at Jay's face as he watched Hailey begin to spin-out in front of him. Frowning, he glanced around at the world still moving all around them while Hailey stood frozen, scared at what she could possibly find in her phone. He could see Will pulling out of the parking lot on the other side of the diner then let out a breath and wrapped his arm around Hailey's shoulders. He easily slipped her phone from her hand then tucked it into his pocket.

"Hey, I was-"

"You weren't living in the moment," he interrupted, "We said we were going to focus on us and each other and-"

"It's important. It's helping people."

"It's worrying about stuff you can't control. You took the time off."

Hailey stared up at him for a moment before nodding to herself and looking down at their feet. "Sorry," she said quietly.

"Hey, nothing to be sorry for," he replied, "I just don't want you beating yourself up over something that's out of your hands. You're not at work right now. We need to leave work at work, right? Haven't we tried doing that before?"

Hailey weakly smiled and nodded again before meeting his eyes.

"But you want to help people?" Jay said as he set a hand on the side of her face, "We can go help people if that's what you want to do."

Raising an eyebrow, Hailey asked, "What do you mean?"

"Um," Jay sighed and looked around. Humming, he glanced back at the diner and the sign for hot soup in the window. A smile crossed his face as he said, "Let's go volunteer somewhere. Come on."

They found a soup kitchen two blocks away, and it instantly brought a smile to Hailey's face. In no way was it replacing her need to help the girls she'd found at work or follow-up on Sean's case, but it seemed to scratch that itch she had in her to do something good for the world. It certainly made Jay feel better.

They began in the back of the kitchen with a few other volunteers getting soup, rolls, and vegetables ready to hand out. For a brief moment, Jay wondered if they'd know anyone who came in to either volunteer or to receive the food, but then Hailey started talking to those around them and everything seemed to fade away.

She easily introduced herself as Hailey and him as her husband, said they didn't have kids but would be trying by the end of the year, and that they'd enjoyed their holidays together. The way she avoided talking about either of their jobs and made them sound like normal people amazed him to the point that he quickly went along with it. It felt good to just be Jay and Hailey – not detectives or a soldier or a past cop. They were them. It was so simple it felt obvious, but it was the best feeling he'd had all day.

They met another couple who were also trying to give back more in the new year and spent the rest of the afternoon with the two of them preparing the soup and then passing it out. Even when they were all cleaning up from the lunch rush, Hailey swapped phone numbers with the girl, Jessica, and promised to call her about a yoga class that happened on Thursdays at the nearby community center. It brought a smile to Jay's face so much so that even when Jessica's husband, Eric, asked him if he'd want to go to the driving range while their wives were busy, he didn't mind saying he'd have to give a rain check for a few months because his job required him to be out of the country. Eric didn't push further and just smiled, saying he was going to hold him to it.

As they all walked out and parted ways, Jay wasn't quite sure he'd be able to keep that commitment to Eric about golfing, but it was something that he could look forward to in the future. He could make a friend that wasn't a cop or a soldier. It'd probably be good for him.

He held onto the feeling of being just a person throughout his dinner with Hailey back at the apartment and even when they left to go turn on their sirens and lights in the Med parking lot with all their friends for the kids up in the hospital. It was refreshing to feel like he could be someone outside of his work while still doing his job as well. He wasn't a cop anymore, but he was still himself underneath everything – just like Hailey had been reminding him. It felt just as good to volunteer and be Jay as it did to drive to Med, park his truck, and turn on all the lights that were still hooked up to it from his time as Detective Halstead.

What felt even better was when he decided to go to Molly's with Will, Hailey, and Will's new friend who really was just a friend according to Will despite all the laughter on Hailey's part where he could be both of those things and more. Now, he wasn't just Jay or a detective; he was also a soldier and a brother and a husband, and it all felt human.

Being out in the real world after close to two weeks of being home with Hailey finally felt right. He could breathe again and function and feel like himself – not just his new self, but his self from a few months before everything went to hell and he felt like he had no other options but to leave. Now, he felt like he had many options when he would eventually return. He still had no choice but to go back to Bolivia in two days, but at least he came to realize that he was on the right track. Going to Bolivia wasn't the easy choice; it was the right choice. Just like coming back to Chicago for the holidays and volunteering and marrying Hailey and going to Molly's for a beer.

Chapter Text

In twenty-four hours, Hailey would be driving to the airport to drop her husband off. She wouldn't see him for another six months after that.

Tears came to her eyes as she filled a glass with water. She didn't want to say goodbye. Not again.

It had been the best two weeks she could have asked for. She hadn't expected it to happen, but it had been all she needed. She reconnected with Jay and felt more secure than ever in their relationship. Their marriage was on the mend and she was forever grateful for that.

Jay was on the mend.

Her bottom lip shook, which she quickly tried hiding by taking a sip of water. It ended up spilling on her shirt, but she couldn't stop to dry it off. She needed to stifle the sobs bubbling in her throat, so she worked hard to suck down the water to prevent her sadness from making its way into the kitchen.

"Hey, did you decide what we should do today?"

Hailey quickly wiped her eyes and set the glass in the sink. "Um, nope, no. Did-Did you?"

"Just thought we could go get pizza again if you're cool with that," Jay replied.

His voice came closer to her as she struggled to pull herself together. He didn't need to see her crying over him again. Not when he was probably already expecting it to happen tomorrow.

"Hey."

His hand on her back caused her to jump, earning a quick sob to slip from her lips.

"Hailey."

She turned at his whisper and quickly buried her face in his chest. Gripping his sweatshirt, she mumbled, "This isn't fair. I can't-I can't do this again."

"Hailey," Jay murmured and kissed the top of her head.

She felt like a little kid - so small and upset and vulnerable there in the kitchen over something she couldn't fix. She very well knew she'd cried about sillier things when she was little, but this was so much worse than an early bedtime.

So she sobbed.

But unlike her dad, who would give her a swat to her bottom and tell her to suck it up, Jay simply held her. Like her, he began to cry while holding her tight to his chest. He whispered quiet words against her ear, some of which she could hear through their combined tears. She wanted to stop, but the thought of Jay being back in Bolivia while she stayed here in Chicago tugged on her heart so hard that she felt like she could fall through the floor. Jay was holding her up now, but soon enough he'd be on a plane, and she'd be alone all over again.

Eventually, she stopped crying. Whether that was because she realized she needed to stop so that she could actually spend genuine time with Jay or because she'd run out of tears, she didn't know. When she looked up, Jay's eyes were also swollen and red – just like they'd been the day he left.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

Jay swallowed against a lump in his throat and said, "Don't be. It's okay to cry."

Hailey sniffled and carefully wiped her eyes. Nodding, she turned slightly to rest her ear over Jay's heart.

"I've got you," he whispered.

She closed her eyes. He really only had her for another day, then he'd be gone again. Perhaps, though, that was why this hurt so badly. Last time he'd left, she'd been filled with a lot of shock. She'd cried, yes, but the mixture of emotions had been overwhelming in the worst way. Now, she knew he was leaving. She knew what time his plane left and when she needed to get him to the airport and how long it'd be until he landed in Bolivia. There wasn't a shock factor this time. All her tears were coming from her sadness and soon-to-be loneliness. It was gut-wrenching.

Jay kissed the top of her head again and rubbed a hand over her back. She could feel his heartbeat stuttering against her cheek as he worked to calm himself down. There was something comforting about it. Maybe it was that she could feel he was alive and there with true emotions coming from him. Before he'd left, it'd been a while since she felt like he was capable of emotions like sadness and fear – he'd mostly stuck to confidence and fake happiness when he wasn't being stone-cold. This return to who he was at his core was, admittedly, much better than the robot she'd been living with before.

It was a reminder that what he was doing, while hard and painful, was a good thing. He was becoming a better person. It was her turn to do the same.

Their tears and quiet whimpers became nearly silent after another few minutes. While she usually hated silence, Hailey welcomed it right now. There was something peaceful about standing in the kitchen with her husband after they'd both just cried out their frustrations and fears. She guessed it was necessary for them to do in order to actually enjoy whatever they were going to end up doing today.

Jay cleared his throat finally and turned to grab her empty cup from the sink. Keeping a hold on her, he filled it up with water then took a long sip before offering the last of it to her. She smiled slightly as she brought it to her lips. This time, she felt like it was possible to drink the water without spilling it on herself.

"There you go," Jay whispered, gently peeling her hair from her cheeks where it was stuck from her tears.

She closed her eyes as she finished the water then took a deep breath. When Jay had left last time, taking a breath like that had seemed impossible. She was grateful that she could do it this time around.

"Nice job," Jay breathed. He placed the glass back in the sink for her then returned to rubbing his hand over her back.

When she opened her eyes, she could see that his face was etched with worry, but she, surprisingly, didn't feel guilty about it. He was right to be worried, just like she was going to be worried about him. It was just the nature of the situation and their jobs. There really wasn't much they could do to avoid those fears.

"Want to go lay down?" he asked quietly, "I'm okay with just hanging out here for today. We could order the pizza for delivery or not even have it. Whatever's easiest for you."

"No," she croaked then cleared her throat. "No, we don't have to just stay here."

Jay raised an eyebrow and said, "Are you sure? You…we both…"

"I want to spend today with you," Hailey interrupted softly. Wiping the last of her tears, she explained, "We can't sit around and mope all day. We need to be together and smile. We're trying to be happy this year, right?"

Jay managed a soft laugh as he nodded and wiped at his own face. "You're right. I like that plan."

Hailey sniffled and said, "Great. Okay, let's see…we could…" Looking around, she chewed her lip and tried thinking of something they could do that wouldn't be super depressing – like taking down the Christmas decorations. She was okay with having to do that on her own tomorrow, it'd be a nice distraction.

Jay stepped around her to look at their list on the refrigerator. "Wanna do something on here?" he asked, "If we're doing the happy thing, we might as well see if there's something else we can check off. Maybe the sunset?"

"We have a while before that," Hailey laughed softly.

Jay smiled as well and turned back to the list. Hailey walked over as well and leaned into him as she stared at the lined piece of paper.

They were planning on having deep dish today, but the date was meant to be when Jay came home, so she ignored that. She really didn't feel like spending the day in the car dealership, and she certainly didn't want to go run a half marathon. Colorado was off the table along with sailing, camping, and a dance class.

"What about a dog?" Jay asked.

Hailey's eyes slid up to the fourth item on their list then felt a smile cross her face.

"Then you won't be lonely," Jay continued, almost to himself, "I'd feel a bit better about leaving tomorrow if you weren't alone."

Hailey nodded slightly then whispered, "I bet a lot of people got dogs for Christmas and regretted it."

"It'll give you something to do on days off," Jay added, "You'll have a reason to come home and not just take care of it, but take care of yourself."

"Our building does allow for dogs," Hailey said.

They met each other's eyes after a second and instantly laughed. It was crazy to do at the spur of a moment, but she really did want a dog, and they said they'd get one this year.

It was exactly what they needed.

The closest animal shelter was closed for the day, but instead of getting discouraged and driving home, Jay drove half an hour in the opposite direction to another one. Hailey was thankful for it. She didn't know what she would have done had he given up and gone back to their apartment. Besides, she needed the extra time in the car to order more supplies for their future dog.

"We don't even know what kind we'll be getting," Jay said after approving the dog bed she'd picked out.

"I won't actually order any of it until we get the dog," Hailey explained, "It's just all in the cart."

"Shouldn't we go get some stuff today, though? Like food and a water bowl?" Jay asked.

"Of course," Hailey said with a nod, "This is just the extras and a few toys. It's not much."

Chuckling, Jay shook his head and reached over to grab her hand. They both knew she was getting ready to buy a lot of extras – whatever that may be – but neither wanted her to stop. She was happy; they were both grateful for that.

When they finally arrived at the correct shelter, Hailey felt like she could bounce right out of her shoes. She hadn't been this excited about the future in a while. Making the list for 2023 had been nice, but, at the end of the day, she was still going to have to wait for any of those dates. Now, with a dog, she was going to have someone to come home to. It would make the next six months go much faster.

"Hi," Jay greeted a worker when they walked inside, "We're looking for a dog if you have one."

"Great!" the worker replied, "I'm Grant, let me show you around. We actually have quite a few available for adoption."

Hailey followed along as Grant asked questions about where they lived, any potential life changes coming their way, and what they were interested in regarding a dog. She let Jay answer because, in actuality, she didn't care and trusted him to tell the truth. She just couldn't stop looking around at the cages they passed filled with dogs of all sizes and ages. When she was younger, her family hadn't had a dog for themselves, but their neighbor had a german shepherd that she absolutely loved. She'd been the sweetest dog she'd ever met, so she really wasn't against having a big dog – though it might not have been quite fair for the dog to live in an apartment. She got lost in her memories of that dog and the other few she'd met in her neighborhood growing up or when she lived in her condo.

"What do you think?"

Hailey blinked and turned away from an elderly looking mutt to say, "What?"

Jay chuckled and gestured around. "Anyone stand out to you? You get to pick – it'll be your little buddy."

She laughed slightly and grabbed his hand. "It'll be your dog too."

"Yeah, but…" Jay trailed off and shrugged.

She knew what he meant. It really would be more hers than his for a while, and it stung to linger on for long.

Taking a breath, she said, "Well, I'll admit, I was not paying much attention to Jared-"

"Grant."

"Grant," she corrected, "As he talked. Where'd he head off to anyways?"

"Something about some kittens that just came in," Jay said, "But he said we could take a look at any of these and see if any of them would be a good fit for our family."

Hailey's face lit up with a smile. She liked the idea of them being a family. Not only was Jay her home, but he truly was the best family she could have asked for. He made everything safe; he was the perfect partner to have a family with.

For a few quiet minutes, they looked around and read the different signs on the cages. Some of the dogs were nearing the end of their lives, and Hailey thought she could have cried over any of them. Then there were a handful that had been found wandering the streets and even a couple that had been surrendered. It broke her heart, and she wanted them all.

"This one's cute," Jay finally said, pointing toward a multi-colored lab. According to the sheet, its name was Dexter and he was a random mix the workers weren't quite sure of. He loved the outdoors, had been found near a park a few weeks before, and was recommended for families without kids.

"He is," Hailey said softly. She smiled and leaned against the edge of the cage to wave at him. "Hi, Dexter."

The dog barked at her then spun in a circle before going in the corner to play with his rope.

"The kid thing kind of worries me," Jay said, "And I'd feel bad keeping him at home while we work."

"I know," Hailey sighed, "Maybe this wasn't-"

"Hey, there were more than kittens!"

They turned to see Grant walking into the back room with his arms full and a wide smile on his face.

"Two goldendoodle puppies if you'd like," he explained, "Family wasn't interested after Christmas. A vet came to drop them off, apparently they were brought there. All healthy, though, wanna take a look?"

Hailey's eyes widened as he stepped closer and showed them the two red dogs in his arms. She gasped quietly as two of the cutest puppies she'd ever seen squirmed around in his hold.

"Goldendoodles?" Jay asked.

Grant nodded and passed one to each of them. "Vet said they were ten weeks. According to the old owner, they shouldn't get more than forty pounds, so they're small ones. Could be good for keeping in an apartment for the time being."

"They don't shed, right?" Hailey breathed as the puppy in her arms instantly relaxed and cuddled closer to her jacket.

"Shouldn't," Grant answered, helping Jay get a better grip on his puppy that was trying to escape.

"Wiggly little thing," Jay laughed and tightened his hold, "What are they? Boys? Girls?"

"Both girls," Grant replied. He squinted his eyes in thought then pointed to each of them as he said, "Charlie and Spot."

Hailey looked down at hers, Charlie, and instantly melted. The puppy was still relaxed in her arms, but was now lightly chewing at her zipper to keep herself entertained.

Jay watched her for a moment then smiled and said, "We'll take that one."

"Really?" Hailey asked with wide eyes, "What about-"

"She loves you," Jay chuckled as he passed back Spot. He stepped over and lightly pet Charlie. "And you clearly love her," he added, "Plus, wasn't your call sign Charlie when you first started? It's like it was meant to be."

Hailey laughed softly and nodded. "It was."

Jay smiled wide and gently squeezed her arm. "Then I think we've got our puppy. Small, doesn't shed, and loves you just as much as I do; I don't think I could have asked for anything more."

Hailey felt her heart flutter as she leaned into him and nodded. "She's perfect," she said softly, "Seems like the perfect roommate while you're gone – especially if she's always sleeping like this."

Grant chuckled while straightening up from putting Spot in another cage. "For another week or two, maybe, but then she'll probably be a bundle of energy. I will say, though, I think you two will give her a great home."

"Thanks," Hailey said. She nodded toward the cage he was by and asked, "And that one? Is it okay we're splitting them up?"

"Oh, don't worry about it," Grant said, "Puppies never last long in here, but don't take that as me trying to make you feel guilty. Not all of these old guys would do well in apartments. You're doing the right thing – still giving a dog a home, right?"

Jay smiled and bent down to look Charlie in the eyes. "Oh, she'll get a good home; I'm sure of it."

Hailey laughed as Charlie reached her head up to try licking at his face. "I completely agree."

After buying some of the necessities for the next few days before Hailey's online order could go through, they returned to the apartment to show Charlie around. Hailey thought they should encourage the puppy to walk, but Jay wanted his turn at holding her, so he followed Hailey and whispered everything to Charlie that he thought she should know.

Hailey thought the entire thing was adorable and let her mind wander again to their future when they'd be showing a baby around their home. It wasn't something she necessarily thought she'd think about upon getting a dog, but it was the best bonus she could have asked for.

It got even better when Charlie really woke up and started running around the apartment much to their amusement. She slid along the hardwood floor, chased the small tennis balls, and attempted to play tug-of-war with Hailey before passing out on top of a small stuffed bunny they'd bought her.

"I don't think I've ever seen anything as cute as her," Hailey whispered while picking Charlie up and holding her to her shoulder.

Jay chuckled and leaned against the couch next to her. "I think I have."

Hailey raised an eyebrow and said, "Really? You're going to insult our daughter like that."

Laughing, Jay shook his head and said, "I'm saying that the one thing cuter than just her is when you hold her, especially like that. It's super cute. I love it. Also, saying she's our daughter? I might die."

Hailey laughed with him and lightly nudged his shoulder with her own, careful as to not wake Charlie. "She is ours," she said softly, "Our little trial run before actually having human babies. Plus, I think she really will keep me company when you're gone. She kind of looks like you."

"Oh, really?" Jay chuckled. He then kissed the top of Charlie's head before placing one at Hailey's temple. "I hope you send me lots of pictures."

"I will," Hailey said softly, leaning over to kiss his cheek, "I promise."

Closing her eyes, she rested herself against his side and took a deep breath. Life without Jay wasn't going to be easy, but having a puppy to take care of – an adorable one at that – was going to take the edge off of it. She was sure of it.

Chapter Text

Exactly three months before, Hailey had to drive Jay to the airport, say 'goodbye' in the parking lot, and drive off as if nothing was wrong.

But something had been wrong.

She was leaving not knowing when she'd see her husband again. It'd been painful and nearly impossible. It really didn't even last long because she was crying so hard she had to pull into a McDonald's parking lot to pull herself together so she could actually drive. She didn't know how long she sat there, but it was long enough to make her completely hate the smell of burgers and fries for the next three weeks.

They'd barely gotten a goodbye at home. She'd sat on their bed as Jay packed his dusty, old military bag, both of them not even trying to hide their tears or pain. Even just the simple act of breathing was difficult – making her feel like she was going to die with every kiss Jay gave her. Maybe if they'd had time for an actual, thought-out goodbye, things would have been more manageable.

Now, she realized that probably would have been true.

Knowing Jay was going to leave the next day made the night bearable. Plus, a new puppy who also cried unless one of them was holding her distracted her through the few tears she still had after her earlier cry.

They ended up cuddled together – all three of them – in the bed around one in the morning. Hailey finally felt peace in the moment. Jay had thrown on a sweatshirt so Charlie's nails wouldn't scratch at him, but she could still hear his heartbeat underneath her cheek. He held both her and Charlie to his chest as he lazily played with her hair until they both drifted off to sleep.

The morning was slow despite the looming 'goodbye.' They went for a quiet walk as the sun peeked through the city with Charlie getting tired about two blocks in. At that, they both laughed, and Hailey decided she could carry their puppy the rest of the way home. They stopped at a small café on the way, and Jay stepped in to buy two coffees and a muffin. It wasn't some grand see-you-later breakfast, but it was delicious and served its purpose.

They continued to avoid the goodbye conversation when they returned home. Charlie made herself busy in her cage while Hailey hooked her finger in the waistband of Jay's joggers and tugged him to their bathroom. When he last left, they'd been too emotional for a proper goodbye – they'd both been so distracted that they really didn't get further than Jay's belt on the floor. They didn't have enough time for anything more than a few desperate kisses and lingering touches.

Now, they did.

Hailey sat on their bed while blow-drying her hair to keep an eye on Jay while he packed up his bag. He kept stopping to play with Charlie as she ran around with his socks or a rope, and it was adorable. She couldn't imagine what life was going to be like without Jay there living it with her, but after their many conversations over the past two weeks and adopting Charlie, she was confident she could survive.

"Hold her," Jay laughed while passing her Charlie, "She's distracting me."

"What?" Hailey gasped, setting the blow-dryer down on the mattress, "I don't believe she'd do such a thing."

Charlie barked and began licking her face as Jay laughed harder.

"She's a sneaky little thing," he said, "I'm a little scared she'll jump in my pack and join me."

"Not a bad idea," Hailey replied.

Jay shot her a sad smile then returned to putting his clothes away. Tossing her a sweatshirt, he said, "You can keep that one for now."

She smiled and tucked it between her legs away from Charlie. "Thank you," she said softly.

He kissed the side of her head and breathed, "You're welcome."

Humming, she reached up to lightly grab the collar of his shirt. "Can't you stay?" she whispered despite knowing the answer. Her gut twisted in guilt at the question, but she couldn't help but hope that maybe this was all a nightmare she could wake up from where Jay had another two weeks with her.

Jay shook his head, trying to talk for a moment before simply shaking his head again and looking down at Charlie rolling around in her lap.

Hailey brushed her hand over the back of his head and asked, "Will you at least be safe?"

Jay tried letting out a quiet laugh then looked up to meet her eyes. "I'll try," he said, "As long as you do the same."

"I'll also try," she said.

Jay bent down to catch her lips in his, resting his hand on her thigh and almost pushing her back on the bed just for Charlie to bark and bite at the worry beads still around his wrist. He chuckled and said, "Hey, those are for me."

Hailey laughed and pulled Charlie back. "Leave Daddy alone."

Something like hope flickered across Jay's face as he straightened up. Hailey shot him a wink then shrugged and said, "Some day, right?"

"Yeah," Jay chuckled, "Some day."

Hailey reached up to kiss his cheek before settling back into the pillows with Charlie. While Jay returned to packing, she whispered to Charlie about what he was doing, where he was going, and how much fun the two of them would still have without him. She knew it was all silly to be doing because Charlie wasn't even a human baby, but there was something calming about it. It was like she was reassuring herself through her words to the dog. She needed it.

Jay finished packing all too soon, which meant he needed to say 'goodbye' to Charlie before they headed out to Will's. It made Hailey more emotional than she expected.

Again, she kept telling herself that Charlie was just a dog, but it did not make anything easier.

"And I'm sorry," Jay said as he held Charlie up to his eyes, "But I'll be back for you, I promise. Try not to grow too big while I'm gone. I'm sure your mom will send me lots of pictures, though."

Hailey let out a watery laugh and nodded. "Every day," she said.

"Perfect," Jay said with a smile. He kissed the top of Charlie's head and added, "You need to be good too. The bathroom is outside; plus, you'll be getting that little bit of grass for the balcony soon enough. I may have also bought you some more toys – you have another stuffed rabbit coming in the mail. Also, if you learned some tricks, that'd be cool."

"Oh, really?" Hailey laughed. She wiped her eyes, then tilted her head to the side and said, "I guess I can try to help her figure that out."

"All I ask," Jay chuckled. He looked back toward Charlie and took a deep breath. Tears came to his eyes, and he blinked quickly while hugging her tightly to his shoulder. "Take care of Hailey," he whispered, "Please."

Hailey squeezed her eyes shut, turning away to avoid watching him put Charlie in her cage. Like the night before, the second the door was locked, Charlie barked to get them to let her out. And, like the night before, Hailey knew Jay was kneeling down to stare at her even with her eyes shut.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm really, really sorry. Hailey will be back soon, she won't be long, but she'll need a hug when she comes back, so please give that to her."

A sob teased at Hailey's throat that she tried choking back. She didn't know how she was going to do any of this.

A hand on her back caused her to turn to see Jay standing next to her with his own tears coming down his face. He smiled as much as he could then nodded toward the door. Nodding in return, she grabbed her keys and his hand while he picked up his pack. Together, they walked out of their apartment with Charlie barking at them to stay.

Hailey wished they could have listened to her.

The goodbye at Will's was just as painful to watch, but then Jay asked that they stop at the district for a minute, and Hailey thought her heart was going to shatter.

It felt like cruel punishment to watch the man she loved say 'goodbye' to all the people that loved him as well. Will and Adam both gripped the back of Jay's shirt rather tight, Kevin shook Jay's hand longer than expected, Kim could barely get out her final words, Dante's voice shook despite his clear attempt to remain calm, and Trudy even let out a few tears. It all ripped at Hailey's heart. She'd told Jay all along that everyone cared about him, but seeing it in front of her gave her even more emotions. There was something about seeing the person she loved receive love that took her breath away.

All too soon, though, it ended and they were then driving to the airport. Last time, their goodbye had taken place in the parking lot, but now Jay had asked her to go inside with him.

Looking around the airport, Hailey could see dozens of people walking around in search of where they checked-in or bathrooms or even just a Wifi signal. Most of them seemed happy like they were off on a vacation, but there were a handful that seemed rather annoyed at being here on a Friday afternoon. She wondered where they were all going and if anyone was like her: just there for a moment and to see the person they love off.

She didn't see any other people with dark green bags or anyone else fighting back tears the second they stepped through the door. She almost felt out of place, and it worried her. Were people staring at her? Would she have an audience as she said 'goodbye' to Jay? She didn't know how she felt about people seeing her inevitably cry.

"Come on, we can sit in the USO for a little bit," Jay said softly, his grip tightening on her hand.

Together, they walked through the airport with Hailey not paying much attention to where she was going. She knew she was going to feel lost as it was after Jay left, she didn't know how she'd find her way back to the parking lot.

Watching Jay check-in to the lounge, a bit of pride filled her gut. What he was doing was hard, and not everyone could do it nor did they want to. Personally, she didn't think she ever could, but her husband was made for the job. The bravery and strength was ingrained in who he was, and she never wanted to change that. She might not have completely agreed on how he came to be in this position, and yet she appreciated the outcome. Her husband was going to come home to her – for good – in six short months. He was coming home.

Jay led her to a couch in the corner and said, "Need anything? They have snacks, water-"

"No, I'm good," she breathed, looking around at a few other families in the lounge. This was much different than looking at the people just inside the airport – all these people knew what she was going through on some level. They'd found their people.

"You sure? It's free," Jay said.

"Jay," she sighed as she looked at him, "I don't need food, I promise. I just want to spend time with you."

He nodded slightly and wrapped his arm over her shoulders. Tucking her into his side, he kissed her temple and whispered, "Then you'll get that. Always."

Closing her eyes, Hailey relaxed and took a deep breath. Jay's soap and cologne wafted around her, bringing back that peace she felt moments before when they stepped in the lounge. She wanted to focus on that and all that he currently was before he left again. He was here and alive, and that was enough to return her heart rate to normal.

A soft tapping sound caused her to open her eyes. She smiled instantly and looked up to see Jay spinning his worry beads around in his hand. "Can you wear them over there?" she asked quietly.

He hummed and shrugged. "Maybe not out on the field, but at night and when I'm back at the base? They'll be right here on my wrist."

She nodded and rubbed her hand over his thigh.

"When I come home, can we go to Greece?" he asked, "I know it's not on the official list, but-"

"I can add it," Hailey softly interrupted. She looked up at him and smiled. "As soon as you have a return date, I'll start booking the hotels and flights."

"Hotels?" Jay repeated, "We'd go to more than one?"

"We'll we're not going to stay in just one place," Hailey explained, "We'll need to travel around the country. I want to see everything."

Jay tapped the back of her head and said, "I thought you'd been before."

"A family trip when I was twelve to meet my great-grandparents is not the same as a vacation with my husband," she said, "We're going all out. Colorado and camping can wait."

Jay chuckled and hugged her to his side. "Sounds amazing; however, I don't want to be a party pooper, but Charlie probably can't go to Greece with us."

Hailey frowned and said, "True…but Kim and Adam could watch her. I bet Makayla loves dogs. I'll have to start introducing the two of them."

Jay laughed harder and kissed the top of her head. "Great plan. Kim and Adam will love that."

"Right?" Hailey laughed.

Letting out a long breath, Jay sank further into the couch cushions. He gently played with a few strands of her hair for a minute before saying, "I'm going to miss you, Hailey, so much. You are kind and beautiful and smart. You're the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'm going to hang on to that every day that I'm over there – I promise. You're my reason for everything I do. I love you."

The words brought more tears to her eyes than she had wanted, but she couldn't help it. It wasn't just some guy saying these words to her; it was her husband – a man who'd already vowed to love her forever. When they'd first began dating, she had a hard time believing in this new concept of love. She never really saw acts of true love before, and Jay leaving had messed with her idea of what it actually was. However, the past two weeks and Jay's attitude proved her wrong once again.

Love was real. It was hard. It was exhausting. It was everything she didn't think it was going to be. But it was worth it. Jay was hers. She was his. It was like they always said, they were going to get through whatever the world threw at them. That's what love was – it'd always been love, no matter how long they'd been partners or how many times they slept together. Love was at the base of her relationship with Jay. It was undeniable.

So she sat up on her knees on the couch and hugged him tightly to her. People watching be damned, she was going to show and tell her husband that she loved him.

She whispered the same words she'd been saying all during his trip home and added a few that were maybe too inappropriate for a military lounge at the airport. It made him laugh through the few tears that had slipped down his cheeks again, which she quickly dried. She created a little bubble for them in that corner of the USO and filled it with several kisses, one-too-many 'I love you's, and several hopes for the future.

It ended much too soon for either of their liking, and many more tears were shed, but this time it was easier to breathe and her heart didn't completely feel like it was being stomped on. As Jay walked out of the lounge, his left hand shaking at his side, she kept reminding herself that this was only for six more months.

The thing was, this time, she had reassurance from Jay that he truly did love her and was coming back for her. She'd felt it in her heart before, but now her gut and her head knew it too. She also had a puppy and friends that loved her and her husband more than she could wrap her head around. This time was different.

It was bearable.

So she took a few silent minutes in that bubble to stop her tears – or at least slow them down – then walked out of the lounge with her head held high.

Jay had spent the holidays with her. He'd shown her he was getting better and proved his love for her. It was the best Christmas present she could have asked for, and it was time to step forward into her future.

Into their future.