Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Ian double-checked the address on the piece of paper as he stared at the large industrial looking building in front of him. Chicago LGBT Center strewn across the archway and way too many rainbow flags to count. This had to be the right place. Ian entered the building totally lost on which way to go, until he saw a petite receptionist waiting behind a desk. He walked up as the receptionist smiled. “Um, which way to the transgender support group?” he asked cautiously. “Down the hall, second door on the left, sweetie.” Ian could count on no hands how many times a non-family member called him ‘sweetie,’ but decided just to nod curtly and make his way down the hallway.

Mickey sat in the circle of the transgender hell, hating that the group was a stipulation of his living in the LGBT Center’s Shelter. Ever since he was kicked out of his home by Satan, i.e. Terry, Mickey couch-surfed for a while before finding a consistent home in the center. These groups seemed to just be a waste of time, constantly checking in with therapists who want to talk about feelings. Fucking pussies. But he did need the shelter, plus the doctors for his hormones and eventual surgeries. Mickey walked up to get the free food and coffee before the meeting and began to pile donuts on his plate. He felt a nervous tap on his shoulder and assumed it was one of the regulars trying to get a spare donut. “Fucking wha…?!” He tried to say as he was met with the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen. Fiery red curls atop speckled alabaster skin with the most gorgeous blue-green eyes sparkling. Mickey was left totally speechless.

Electricity jolted through Ian as he gently touched the shoulder of the person at the snack table. When they turned to face him, the accent, the face, the hair was all doing it for him. Ian’d never been one to believe in love at first sight, but every rule has an exception and he was looking straight at it. “Hey, um, do we sit wherever we want or..?” He asked shyly. The gorgeous creature responded, “Sure, but you can sit next to me if you want. I’m Mickey.” “Ian” he said nodding and giving a small smile. Maybe this group wouldn’t be so bad.

“Everyone take your seats” said a voice from the front of room. Mickey guided them to a spot in the middle of the seats. “Hi everyone! For those who don’t know me I’m Jessie, I use She/They pronouns and I’m a counselor here at the center. Today we’ll go around the room stating our names, pronouns, and what’s been bothering
us lately. Gianna, can you begin for us?”

“I’m Gianna, pronouns are She/Her. I’m struggling to get acceptance from my parents for being trans. They keep saying I’m going through a phase and picking the easy route. There are a lot of fucking easier routes, right?! So we’re not talking”
Jessie chimed in “I totally hear you Gianna. That’s very difficult. Who’s next?”

“I’m Hollow, my pronouns are They/Them. I’m new and just came out.”
“Very good, Hollow! Welcome to the group. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me or any of the other counselors. We are specially trained to help trans, nonbinary, agender, and all other gender and sexual identities.”

As the voices started to approach Ian, he got more and more nervous. What if this group WASN’T for him? What if no one liked him? What if they thought he was a freak like everybody else outside of his family? These thoughts continued to swirl until finally it was Ian’s turn. “Hi, I’m Ian. My pronouns are He/Him. I guess I’m just looking to not feel so alone all the time.” He breathed a sigh of relief as he finished his introduction.
“Excellent, Ian. I think you’ll find a great community here. Who’s next?”

Mickey was usually already apathetic at this point, but now he’s got Ian to consider. He leans forward in his chair, ready to say something other than his usual, “Mickey, He/Him, I’m here because I have to be.” He ponders before saying “I’m Mickey, pronouns are He/Him, I’m looking for someone to connect with someone that understands what it’s like to be a gay trans man.” Boy, could he make it any more obvious? Now he’s just got a flashing ‘fuck me, I’m desperate’ sign on his forehead.

“Great Mickey. We definitely want you to make some connections in your time here. Who’s next?”

The circle finishes with a variety of pronouns and names to remember. Jessie opens up the floor for anyone who needs the space to share. Gianna, Mist, and Hollow all share. Mickey and Ian are too distracted with subtle side glances at each other to even notice the group members around them. The meeting comes to the end at the top of the hour and the group starts to disburse.

Mickey swivels towards Ian as he packs up his stuff. “So what’d ya think, Red?”

“I think I’m gonna like it here, Mickey” Ian offers a gentle smile.

“Good, glad we could be of service.” Mickey says slyly.

“Yea, would it be weird if I asked for your number? I know we just met, but I really related to your introduction.”

Mickey smiled, “Sure, I’ll take you out for coffee soon. You free this weekend?”

“Saturday works for me. I have to work at my sister’s shitty diner on Sundays.”

“It’s a date. Let me punch it in for ya” Mickey says as he reaches for Ian’s phone. This worked better than he could have planned! A date with a hot guy and a trans one nonetheless! He prays to whatever god that this happens because he is so down it’s not even funny.

The two part ways with matching smiles and glances back at the other. Ian catches the L back to his family home on the Southside. Mickey goes back to the shelter to grab his job-hunting supplies before he sets out to find anyone who will hire him. Mickey searches for a few hours before deciding to call it quits. He checks his phone and smiles at what he sees.

Unknown Number: Hey, it’s Ian from group

Mickey’s got a good feeling about this.

Chapter Text

Ian has been waiting impatiently to see Mickey again. He and Mickey have been texting and flirting almost non-stop all week. They talk like they’ve known each other forever. He can’t wait to see Mickey again. He’s been imagining those soft lips on his lips, body and (most of all) his cock. Ian’s been jacking off like never before, he can barely believe his little dicklet has stayed on through this non-stop torture. He’s got a few hours to kill, so he figures taking it around the block another time before they meet again or two can’t hurt to take the edge off. When 10:30 rolls around he’ll just hop on the L to meet Mickey at the coffee shop.

“Fuuuuuck,” Mickey breathes out as he orgasms again. Ever since he met Ian, the need for some release has almost turned into a chore. He swipes two fingers over his slit, feeling the moist slick coat his digits. He coaxes his fingers back inside, gasping and squirming as he penetrates himself again and again with them. He really hopes that Ian is just as into this as he is. Talking to Ian has only made the ginger 10 times hotter than Mickey thought originally. Who would’ve expected another gay trans man to come from the southside? They obviously had chemistry, so hopefully, this could be a thing, right?

When the time comes, Ian throws on his binder and some boxers with his packer inside. He dons a green shirt and blue pants, then checks himself out in the mirror. He looks.. good, he decides, if only it weren’t for these huge boobs that even a binder can’t flatten down enough. He remembers that he’s meeting Mickey, another trans guy who gets it, so maybe he won’t be as disgusted by Ian’s body as he is. He waffles on bringing his strap-on in a backpack but decides if they do have sex he wants Mickey to see all of him, so he leaves the dildo at home.

Mickey rolls out of bed. First things first, boxers. He scrambles through his tattered set of drawers to find a clean pair. Next is his least favorite part, taping down the ‘boys.’ Luckily they aren’t big, so they stay nice and flat against his body when he tapes them off to the side. He grabs some tape and stretches the flesh as flat as it will go. He hopes Ian likes how flat his chest is and thinks it’s hot. He finishes getting ready in a grey button-down with the sleeves ripped off and a pair of old, holey jeans. He puts on his shoes and runs out the door towards the coffee shop.

When Mickey sees Ian, he’s outside of the coffee shop leaning against the brick wall smoking a cigarette. “Hey, you got one for me, Red?” he shouts from about half a block away. Ian turns to him and smiles like he’s just seen the fucking sun for the first time. Goddamn, that is a sexy man right there, Mickey thinks. Ian opens his pack of cigarettes and hands one to Mickey, when Mick reaches out Ian pulls him in close for a tight hug. “Need a light?” whispers Ian. Mickey barely gets the stick in his mouth before Ian crowds him in and lights the cigarette for him all while being inches away from his own face. Mickey can’t help the blush he knows is spreading across his cheeks. Ian steps back and smiles, “You look good”, he says. “Could say the same about you. Who you tryin’ to impress?” Mickey says with a smirk. Ian looks down and blushes, “Ya never know, right?” He mutters just loud enough for Mickey to hear as his cheeks start to grow more and more pink.

The two finish their cigarettes while catching up and then head inside to grab some coffee. Ian is the first to offer to pay, “yea, whatever man” says Mickey as he tries to play it cool. They grab a booth at the back of the shop with coffees in hand.

“I’m glad you reached out, Red, it’s nice to have someone else going through the same shit as you”

“Definitely, all my siblings are straight and cis as fuck, I felt like everything was becoming an argument about what I want to do with my own damn body.”

“Dude, I get it. Luckily I have the center, they literally saved my life. That nazi, homophobic, transphobic piece of trash known as my dad would kill me if he knew what I really wanted. Hell, I was still wearing dresses and shit up to the day I left that hellhole.”

“Mick, I had no idea. That’s fucking awful. Does the center help you out with surgeries and insurance and shit?”

“yea they got me lined up with everything, so now I just need my letters of support and I should be golden. What about you?”

“I got my letters from my therapist and endocrinologist, I just apparently need an extra one because I’m crazy, and bipolar requires you to get an extra one from your psychiatrist. I guess they want to prove that I’m not doing this because I’m manic? I don’t know, it’s fucking stupid.”

“That’s what this whole journey is, one fucking hoop after another. So, um, what about sex?”

Ian involuntarily spits out his coffee, totally caught off guard by the words that just came out of Mickey’s mouth. He wipes up the spill as he collects himself. Will Mickey judge him for what he’s about to say? Ian takes a deep breath before uttering, “I’ve only ever had sex wearing a strap-on.” Mickey’s eyes widen. “I didn’t want anyone to know I was trans, so it’s always been strap-ons and doggy. I wouldn’t mind being touched, but all my exes weren’t exactly good at boundaries.”

“Fuck that’s hot” is all Mickey can get out for the first 30 seconds. After he recuperates and his brain reboots, he decides to tell Ian the truth about his sex life.

“I, um, haven’t had sex, just some random blowjobs behind dumpsters in Boystown. But I usually wear my trans tape and I don’t want to end up in a ditch somewhere”

“Have you ever, um, would you ever have sex if you knew you were safe?” Ian reaches over and lays his hand gently on Mickey’s.

Mickey turns his hand over and wraps his fingers around Ian’s big palm. “Yea, I think I would. You askin’?”

“Yes. I’m definitely asking’

“My place or yours?”

“Yours, mine has a never-ending stream of people”

“Well let’s the fuck out of here”

The two scurry out of the booth and basically run out of the coffee shop towards the LGBT center. As soon as they enter Mickey’s room panting, Ian is on Mickey. He starts by kissing up Mickey’s neck all the way to his mouth. The two pairs of lips meeting are electric and send sparks down both of their bodies. Tongues start to gently explore mouths, then become hungry as time seems to stop around them. Ian starts roughly grabbing at Mickey’s curvy ass. Getting more and more turned on by the second. Mickey’s hands wander down to Ian’s crotch. He feels the packer and his arousal goes through the roof. “Your dick feels good,” moans Mickey. Ian moans into his mouth, “I fuckin want you so bad” Ian mutters as he dives back into the kiss. Mickey pulls away from the first and walks Ian over to sit on the bed.

Mickey starts, “We need to talk about boundaries. Want to go first?” Ian nods furiously.

“No touching my chest or penetrating any holes,” Ian says cautiously.

“I can do that. No touching my boobs, but any holes are okay, although I prefer my ass,” says Mickey.

“Do you like soft, rough, anything like that?”

“I want it rough. Give me what ya got, Gallagher”

Ian smiles a vulpine smile and launches himself toward Mickey’s mouth. The kiss is so heated and clothes start flying off left and right. Pants, shirts, boxers, and finally Ian’s binder. They stop and Ian looks down before looking back at Mickey, “is this ok? Am I grossing you out?” Mickey takes in the beautiful sight in front of him, this gorgeous man in front of him that has the gall to even ask a question like that. “You are so fucking hot, man. C’mere.”

Just like that they are on each other again. Tongues everywhere. Ian roughly pushes Mickey down on the bed, mid-kiss. The wind gets knocked out of Mickey and he’s feeling so euphoric. “Fuck me, please fuck me” as Ian kisses down Mickey’s body and hitches one of Mickey’s legs over his shoulder. “I’ve wanted to taste you so badly since I met you, now I want you to relax and let me eat out both your holes” Ian commands. Mickey squirms with arousal as Ian starts to gently lick his engorged clit. He circles the base with his tongue before enclosing his mouth around it and begins to suck while gently bobbing his head. Mick throws back his head and arches his back. He doesn’t care if the whole damn shelter can hear him, he needs this.

Ian gently inserts a finger into Mickey’s soaked pussy all while lapping at his clit. The taste alone is making his own body quiver in anticipation. Has anything ever tasted this good? He thinks as he adds another finger to Mickey, crooking both fingers to find Mickey’s G-spot. Soon, Mickey begins to quiver. “oh fuck, oh fuck I’m gonna cum.” Ian goes into hyperdrive and fingerbangs the hell out of Mickey until his body goes rigid and his moans become so loud they could shake the room.

Mickey comes down to earth and Ian lets him have a breather before roughly flipping him on his belly and telling him to get on his knees. When Mickey doesn’t do it fast enough, Ian slaps his ass cheek so hard that he can feel it reverberate in his spine. Ian dives right into Mickey’s puckered hole, lapping at it, sucking it, gently at first then more aggressively which releases obscene noises throughout the room. Once Mickey’s hole is relaxed from Ian’s tongue he starts working a finger in. Mickey keens at the attention and starts to push back on Ian’s finger like he’s riding it. Once one finger has been in long enough, Ian adds another and starts to scissor his fingers inside Mickey. “Do you like that Mickey?” he asks. “Unnggh” is the only response he gets, so he slaps Mickey’s ass hard again, “I said do you like that Mickey?” he commands. “Yes, yes oh god, yes” Mickey chants as he feels Ian’s fingers move in and out of him.

“Good because I’m going to get you off again,” Ian says as he reaches his other hand between Mickey’s legs and begins to rub furiously at his dick. It doesn’t take long for Mickey to cum again and collapse onto his comforter. Ian scoots towards the top of the bed and gently brushes the soaking wet hair out of Mickey’s face. “How was that for your first time?” “Fuck Ian, it was so good, please let me touch you.” ”Ok, I trust you.” Ian pecks his lips gently. Mickey pulls back and smiles big at Ian before scooting down the bed and preparing to suck off Ian as best he can. He begins by licking around the folds, he immediately hears a small moan come from Ian.

He wraps an arm around each of Ian’s strong thighs and begins to lick his sensitive cock, gently at first and then more and more firmly. He alternates using the tip of his tongue to flick at his clit and flattening it to make it drag more. Ian is moaning above him and it’s driving Mickey crazy. Mickey replaces his tongue with his hand and begins to grind slow, steady circles using his fingertips. He moves up the bed while continuing to rub Ian’s clit. They lazily make out, with Mickey swallowing Ian’s moans. Mickey picks up the pace and begins to rub furiously at Ian’s dicklet. Ian’s moans get louder and louder, until “Mickey please, let me cum.” Mickey turns Ian’s face and whispers in his ear, “I want you to cum for me, baby.” Suddenly, Ian is cumming and filling the space with his sweet-smelling pussy. Mickey gently swipes Ian’s slit and brings it into his mouth. “Mmmmm. You taste heavenly. You know I like ‘em sweet, right?” They gently stare into each other’s eyes before softly bring their lips together, moving in unison like they’ve done this 1000 times before.

After they come down, they get dressed to go outside for a cigarette. They can’t stop staring and smiling at each other. Ian speaks first, “That was fucking amazing, Mick. God, you’re so fucking hot.” Ian says as he pushes Mickey up against the wall and kisses him roughly. “Me?,” Mickey poses, “Your body is insane, those sounds you were making were driving me crazy. Want to get on me for round 2?” Ian tosses his cigarettes over his shoulder and grabs Mickey’s hand to drag him back to the shelter.

Chapter Text

The two men lay in a delicious post-coital glow in Mickey’s bed. Ian turns over to stare at Mickey’s beautiful profile. His expressive eyebrows, his lush dark lashes, his perfect little nose, and those plump, tasty lips. “So when did you know?” Ian asks. Mickey turns his body to face him. “I’ve had an idea since puberty that I was in the wrong body, but didn’t really know any trans people growing up. I figured it out about 4 years ago and have been on testosterone ever since. What about you?”

“Kind of the same story, except I never felt like I was in the wrong body. I just felt so much better identifying as a man. I guess my dysphoria just didn’t manifest that way? I don’t really know. Now the idea of being a woman makes me sick. I still don’t feel ‘trans enough’ though. I’ve been on T for about 2 years.”

“I think that’s the thing about being trans that people don’t like to talk about. A lot of us are out there feelin’ uncomfortable, but we’re supposed to put the brave face on to the world like ‘yea, now that I know I’m trans everything is fine’ when really we’re all scared or confused on some level.”

Ian brushes the hair out of Mickey’s face, “Holy fuck, you’re perfect.”

“Fuck off with that”

“No, I’m serious. You just are. You’re the only person I’ve ever met that just gets …” Ian is cut off by the room door being slammed open. He immediately pulls the sheets up to cover himself. In walks Mickey’s roommate, Trevor. Trevor is trans just like Mickey and Ian, but he’s always going on and on about “cis-heteronormative blahblahblah”, it’s fucking exhausting.

Trevor glances at Mickey, then Ian, and says, “wow, it smells like a Ukrainian bath house in here. You get that dick, Mickey?” He coyly raises an eyebrow.

“You better believe it. He gave it to me good and hard and I fucking loved it”

“Well, good for you,” he looks over to Ian who is the most endearing shade of crimson, and says, “and good for you, person whom I’ve just met.”

“Ian”

“Ann?”

“E-an, I’m a dude”

“Oh shit, well cool, welcome to the club”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“Well I’m gonna pack up and get out of your hair, the shelter just placed me in some low-income housing and now I get to go out on my own. Don’t worry, Mick. I’ll still be around.” Trevor says as he winks at Mickey.

Ian gets an icky feeling, something about Trevor just rubs him the wrong way. Mickey seems to like him enough, so Ian decides to keep his mouth shut.

Trevor takes about 15 minutes to pack all his shit, so Mickey and Ian go back to their own little world smiling at each other and giving each other gentle kisses. Trevor leaves with a goodbye and Mickey just hums and says “later,” obviously preoccupied with the 5’7” ginger before him. Trevor flashes sad eyes at him before leaving the room.

Mickey and Ian let their kisses become more desperate as they begin to rut up against each other. Mickey leans over to nibble on Ian’s ear and whispers, “I want you to ride my thigh. Fuck yourself on it real good.” He kisses down Ian’s neck and bites down on his shoulder as Ian begins to grind down hard and fast on Mickey’s strong thigh. Ian moans as Mickey reaches down to grab his ass and pull him along his body even harder. Ian’s arms wrap around Mickey’s neck and weave into his hair as he sloppily kisses him. Ian’s groans fill the room as he climbs closer to his orgasm.

Ian throws his head back, exposing the pale, delicate skin of his neck. Mickey goes in for the attack, nipping and sucking his way down to his shoulder before returning back up to his ear, jawline, and mouth. “You look so gorgeous riding my thigh. You look so fucked-out and desperate to cum. Don’t hold back. I want you to cum just on my leg, like that.” Ian groans and picks up the pace. His hands are now clenching Mickey’s hair as leverage as he gives it everything he’s got. His breathing begins to quicken and his heart is beating about twice what it normally does. The orgasm hits him suddenly, causing him to curl into Mickey’s body as wave after wave of euphoria washes over him. Mickey brushes his hair behind his ear and peppers him with sweet kisses as he comes down.

The two stay stuck together for a while before finally separating, both of them visibly exhausted from a long day of numerous bouts of sex. Something about them just meshes well, granted they don’t have loads of experience to base it off, but it just feels right.

Ian’s phone begins to ring, it’s Fiona asking him to come home soon. Ever since his last manic episode, she’s been breathing down his neck about keeping a proper routine. She ‘strongly encourages’ him to come home for the night and take his meds. Ian knows better than to put up a fight, so he agrees and hangs up the phone. He turns to Mickey, “I don’t want to wake up from this dream, but I’ve gotta go home, that was my big sister Fiona. I work the next two days, when can I see you again?”

“I work days at the loading docks all week. Want to text me when you’re off work and we’ll work something out?”

“Uh yea, cool.” Ian says, fully dressed now. “I had a good time today, Mick, don’t, uh, be a stranger”

Mickey stands up and gives Ian a slow, passionate kiss. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Now get goin’ before your sister sends out a search party.”

Ian slowly leaves and hops on the L to go home. He’s in his own little dream world when he notices some guys staring at him. He looks down in horror and noticed he left his binder at Mickey’s and now he’s looking much curvier than normal. God-fucking-damnit, he thinks, as he looks back at the smiling, winking men. Unfortunately, the train is relatively empty and Ian fills with dread.

“What are you doing here, freak?”
“Isn’t it a little late for a pretty girl like you to be all alone?”
“Want to come home and ride Daddy’s dick?”
“Yea, maybe that would cure you of this freakshow act.”
“Looks like you’ve already had some fun,” one man say pointing to his very visible hickeys, “Why don’t you continue it with us?”

The men crowd around him and start roughly pulling at his clothes. His stop is just ahead, so he just has to make it a little longer. As soon as the door opens, Ian races out of the train and runs full speed all the way home, his chest hitting him harshly. He slams the door to the house as tears start to stream out of his eyes.

“Hey sweetface, what’s….”, Fiona walks up and sees Ian leaning against the front door. Fiona crouches around and squeezes him tightly in a hug. “Tell me what happened. You seemed so happy on the phone.” Through his tears, Ian tells Fiona about the train and forgetting his binder at Mickey’s. She hugs him again and tells him it will be ok. They plan to use some medical tape to help Ian bind his chest to make it through his shifts until he can see Mickey again.

Ian finally stands up and thanks his sister. He feels exhausted from his day. He quickly eats his cold dinner and takes his meds. He slowly moves up the stairs to take a shower and get ready for bed. As he undresses in front of the bathroom mirror and sees the marks all over his body. He gently follows the trail of hickeys down the body that he hates. He feels the warmth from his day with Mickey, but it’s overshadowed by shame and dysphoria. He turns on the shower and climbs in, washing the pleasure and the filth from his body, the conflicting feelings becoming too much for him. He begins to cry again, sobbing gently into the streaming shower water. As his sobs subside, he turns off the shower and reaches for his towel to dry off. Should he text Mickey? Is it too soon? Ian’s brain is spiraling as he leaves the bathroom to get dressed and head into the boys’ room. He crawls into his bed, phone in hand, staring at his messages with Mickey. He sighs and puts the phone on his side table and closes his eyes to drift off to a troubled sleep.

At the shelter, Mickey walks into his room freshly showered. Today was perfect. Hell, he might even lose his ‘grumpy old man’ card due to the bright ray of light that is Ian. He smiles as he surveys his, now, solo room. He sees something black sticking out from under the mess of sheets and blankets on the floor. ‘Shit,’ he thinks as he pulls out Ian’s binder. Does Ian have another binder? Did he make it home safely without it? He knows that Ian is super dysphoric about his chest, like Mickey, so how will he work without it? He grabs his phone to see if Ian’s texted but sees nothing. He tries to take that as a good sign. He probably has another one at home, Mickey needs to chill out and keep his cool about Ian. If he comes off too intense, he’ll just drive him away. He turns off the light and climbs into his bed and falls asleep after his amazing day, feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time.

Chapter Text

Ian groggily wakes up the next day. He feels like he simultaneously got about two weeks and two minutes of sleep. He sluggishly turns over to the alarm clock that’s blinking ‘1:47 PM.’ Shit, he remembers that he was supposed to go to work at 11 AM. Fiona’s going to rip him a new asshole, but he can’t seem to care. He can’t seem to do anything, including lifting his arms or his head. He already knows what this is, depression. He’s been good about taking his medicine, but sometimes it just creeps into his life without warning.

He weepily calls Fi and hopes he doesn’t end up on the receiving end of a lecture. He really can’t take a lecture right now. Fi answers more gently than he could’ve anticipated and consoles him saying that “after a night like that, anyone would be depressed.” She adds, “Take all the time you need. Just make sure to take your morning meds.” After a night like… oh. He’d forgotten. The memories of the prior evening come flooding back into his brain. He clutches his pillow tightly as he cries into it. The fear, the dysphoria, and the shame all wash over him like he’s experiencing it all over again.

Situations like those are the scariest because he doesn’t want to end up dead when someone finds out he’s trans. It’s just like Mickey said about getting fucked, you don’t want to end up dead in a ditch somewhere. Mickey... How will he explain this to Mickey? Knowing someone’s bipolar is one thing, but seeing it and experiencing it, is something else entirely. His eyes fill with unshed tears as he puts his phone away, not quite ready to face that hurdle. One thing at a time, like his therapist, always says.

What did Fiona say he needed to do? He thinks for a few minutes. Oh, medicine. Great. He pushes the covers ungracefully off of himself, gravity making his job about 1000 times harder. Instead of swinging his legs over like he usually does, he simply rolls towards the end of his bed until he’s facedown at the edge of the shitty mattress. He moves his left arm and leg towards the ground and pushes up with all the force he can muster to get himself upright, using his dresser as an aid. His whole body feels like lead, so getting himself up is a win.

He stumbles down the stairs and wanders across the kitchen to the counter. He grabs the bread and peanut butter and puts together a quick sandwich so his meds won’t tear up his stomach. He finishes the sandwich and reaches into the cabinet for his anti-depressant, mood stabilizer, and anxiety pills. He gulps them down with a handful of water from the sink. Before he ascends the stairs to lie back down, he grabs some water to put by his bedside, so he’ll have less walking to do later. He climbs the stairs and crawls back into bed to sleep.

Time starts to get really wiggly after that. Ian only gets out of bed to use the restroom. Days, maybe weeks go by. He hasn’t texted Mickey. He’s glad, in a way, he doesn’t want to bother him. He figures he’s blown his chance with Mickey Milkovich, which honestly just makes him spiral more.
_
_
Mickey was sad at first that Ian never texted back, the connection that they had was immediately off the charts, right? But now Mickey’s just pissed and hurt. To be ghosted after a day like that feels criminal. He’s walking around one Sunday and see’s the discolored sign for ‘Patsy’s Pies,’ this must be where Ian works. Without thinking, Mickey crosses the street and enters Patsy’s ready to give him a piece of his fucking mind.

“Ian Gallagher!” he shouts at the hostess stand of the bustling restaurant. Everyone in the restaurant stops and looks at him. A girl in a black and white waitress outfit comes up and says, “He’s not here, but his sister is. I think you might want to talk to her.” She ushers him over to a booth and gives him a menu and some coffee.

Mickey is immediately disarmed. Why is Ian not at work? Why the fuck would Mickey want to talk to Ian’s sister? As he stews, a brunette with a ponytail and button-up shirt sits across from him looking tense. “Why do you want to see my brother?” she asks sternly. “I, um, didn’t really think. He just ghosted me a few weeks back and I just wanted some answers.” Mickey responds, all the wind taken out of his sails.

“How did you meet him?”

“Transgender night at the LGBT Center”

“Oh!” A grin quickly forms on her face, “Are you Mickey?!”

“Yeah, again, the guy he ghosted.”

“He’s actually been talking about you a lot. No, he, um, has he told you anything about his diagnosis?”

“His bipolar? Not really, just that he has it and he takes meds for it to keep it under control. Why?”

“Meds help but certain triggers or events can push him off his baseline. He’s been depressed and can barely get out of bed. It happened after, well, something happened on the way home from your place and he’s just been down ever since.”

“Shit! I had no idea, he wouldn’t return any of my texts. Is he okay!? Can I see him?”

“I think he’d really like that, Mickey. I’ll write down our address and you can just stop by whenever and, Mickey, I know this wasn’t how you thought it’d go, but I’m so glad you’re here.”

Mickey starts to blush. No, this definitely wasn’t what he expected, but a wave of relief has come over him. Maybe it all wasn’t in his head after all. He thanks Fiona and grabs some soup to-go from the diner. He wanders over to the nearest L station with Ian’s address in hand. Ian’s had his family, but he’s been alone enough. Mickey steps onto the platform with a renewed sense of purpose.

He gets off at Ian’s stop and makes his way to 2119 N. Wallace. He’s a little too close to his old home to be completely relaxed, but he does take comfort in knowing that Ian was always right there, under his nose the whole time. He climbs the stairs and knocks furiously on the door. He waits a few minutes with no response and knocks again, only harder. “Hold the fuck on, Jesus,” he hears from inside.

Ian swings open the door to see Mickey standing there with a container of soup. His eyes immediately well up and he lunges towards him with a hug. “I’m so sorry, Mickey. I wanted to text, I just couldn’t. Please don’t be upset. I’m so so sorry please. I just..” Ian’s pleas just turn to sobs on Mickey’s shoulders as Mickey rubs his back. “Ian, you never have to apologize for this. You told me about this part of you and I’m sorry I didn’t realize right away. I talked to Fiona and she let me know a little of what was going on. Do you want to talk out here or go inside?” “Inside, I think.” Ian leads Mickey into the rundown house and onto the old couch in the living room.

Ian starts, apologizing again. “Mickey, I’m so sorry I didn’t text. I just fell headfirst into this depression.” He stares at his hands. “I never wanted to hurt or ignore you.”

“Ian, it takes a lot more than a little depression to scare me off.

”But it’s more than just a little depression, this feels like my whole world is collapsing in on itself. I can’t move, I can’t eat, I don’t even want to be alive.”

“I can’t say I know exactly what it feels like, but I’m always here to listen. Your sister said something happened after you left my place that might’ve triggered your episode. Do you want to talk about it?” Mickey reaches his hand out, placing it on the couch between them, just in case Ian needs him.

Ian’s breath stutters as he reaches over and takes Mickey’s outstretched hand. “I was on the train and realized I forgot my binder at your place. There were some guys harassing me, calling me girl names and trying to undress me. I was able to escape and ran straight home.” Ian takes a big breath and lets it out slowly.

Mickey sees red. “What did those fuckers look like?! I swear I’m going to break kneecaps of anyone who comes close to you. I’ll…” Ian cuts him off with a gentle kiss to the lips.

“I’ll hold you to it.” Ian caresses the side of Mickey’s beautiful face, just taking him in. “One other thing, with depression your libido takes a nose dive. I don’t think we’ll be able to have sex for a few weeks.” Ian starts to withdrawal from Mickey’s hand. “If you don’t want to deal with that, I understand.”

Mickey reaches for Ian’s withdrawing hand and takes it firmly in his own. “I waited 19 years to find you, I don’t think a few weeks is going to be a big deal. I’m here when you need me. I mean it.”

“I’m going to go pee really quickly and then maybe we can watch a movie?”

“Yea that sounds good. I’ll be here for whatever.”

Ian slowly gets up and waddles his way to the upstairs bathroom. He returns a few minutes later with his pillow and a blanket. He turns on the TV and ‘Die Hard’ is on.

“Is this okay?”

“It’s perfect. Want to lay your head in my lap?”

“Yea, yea that sounds good.“ Ian takes his pillow and lays across Mickey’s lap. He pulls the blanket up and looks up at Mickey. They meet eyes and stare at each other for a bit as Mickey smiles sweetly down and starts to rub Ian’s hair gently. Ian softly smiles and turns his head back to the TV as Mickey continues to rub his hair.

‘Die Hard’ continues on the TV and Ian drifts gradually off to sleep. Mickey looks down and sees Ian’s sweet face snoring on his lap. He smiles and turns to the TV to watch the movie before drifting off to sleep himself.

Chapter Text

Weeks go by and Ian slowly starts to come back to the world. He’s working, eating, and seeing Mickey every chance he got. Usually Mickey came to him, rubbing his face and hair, telling him that everything would be okay. Mickey was so patient with him, far more patient than he could have ever expected from the southside boy he was clearly enamored with. They hadn’t had sex since the night of the train incident and the feelings of guilt and shame were eating Ian alive. He had predicted correctly that his libido would be in the gutter, he just wishes it wasn’t true.

Today, however, Ian is feeling more alive, more hopeful, and all-around more cheerful than he’s been since the episode began. It’s Saturday and he knows that Mickey has the day off and is planning to come over later. He wants to plan a romantic evening for them, so he sets to work on a plan to do just that. First things first, get rid of the Gallaghers. He calls Fiona and prays that she answers. The phone rings twice and then he hears her voice, “Hey sweetface, how ya feelin’?”

“Hey Fi. A lot better. I was wonderin’ if you could do me a favor?”

“Depends on what your askin’”

“Can you and the kids spend the night at Vee’s tonight? Mickey’s coming over tonight and I wanted to surprise him.”

“Wow, sounds amazing. I’ll check with Vee, okay? I already talked to Lip, he says he’ll be at school all weekend workin’ on some project. You can have his room. Want me to bring over some beer?”

“Yea, that’d be perfect. Thanks, Fiona. Love you”

“Love you too, don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do”

“I don’t even know where to begin with that.” He laughs “Thanks Fi,” he says as he hangs up the phone.

Rid the house of Gallaghers, check. Now he just needs food, to clean up Lip’s room, and get ready for his hot date with Mickey. He runs downstairs to see what they have already, it looks like he could pull off some spaghetti and meat sauce. That’s perfect because that’s about all he can make. He runs back up to Lip’s room and starts to clean up. He throws the clothes on the floor into a laundry basket off to the side. He stocks the bedside table with all the necessities for the night, including some surprises that will surely drive Mickey wild.

As soon as he finishes the room, he peels off his clothes. He has just over an hour until Mickey gets here. He hops in the shower, silently thanking the gods over and over for hot water. He takes Fiona’s loofah and scrubs the weeks of depression off of his skin until he’s completely pink and renewed. He washes his hair and applies some leave-in conditioner to keep his hair from getting frizzy later. He turns off the shower and steps out to grab a towel. He dries off his body and goes to get dressed. Obviously, Mickey has no idea what he’s planned, so he tries to look nice, but nothing too alarming. He walks back into the bathroom to brush his teeth, something he barely kept up with in the weeks of depression.

Finally, he cleans up the living room and kitchen. As he finishes cleaning the dishes in the sink, he hears a firm knock at the door. He smiles and makes his way to the front door, when he opens it he sees Mickey with a cigarette in one hand and a bag of sandwiches in the other. Ian throws his arms over Mickey’s shoulders and proceeds to kiss the hell out of him. Mickey is initially taken aback, but soon leans into the kiss and deepens it. Mickey tosses the cigarette in the yard before picking up the beer Fiona left on the porch and following Ian back into the house.

After hanging up his coat, Mickey heads to meet Ian in the living room. They sit together on the couch as Mickey sets down the bag on the table. He turns his head just as Ian wraps his hand around the side and back of his head, pulling him into a deep, sensuous kiss. Their tongues intertwine as they try to assert dominance in each other’s mouths. Ian’s hands wander down to Mickey’s ass and Mickey’s hands reach up to frame his face and rub his cheeks gently with his thumbs. Mickey gasps as Ian lifts him up and places him on his lap. Ian pushes and pulls at Mickey’s ass, massaging it roughly with his hands and helping him grind down onto his lap. Mickey starts to moan as Ian latches onto his neck and places a wet, open-mouthed kiss down the side. Their lips find each other again and move wetly together to make the first of many obscene sounds they’ll be making tonight. Mickey continues to grind down on Ian, his tight jeans making for delicious, rough friction between the two. “I could get off just like this,” Mickey pants into Ian’s ear. “Do it. I want you to cream your jeans right here on my lap.” Ian mutters back as he reaches his hand inside of Mickey’s pants and begins to rub his dick. “Oh fuck, Ian! Fuck, fuck, right there!” Before either of them knows it, Mickey is coming into Ian’s hand. Mickey collapses onto Ian, struggling to catch his breath.

As Mickey comes down from his high, Ian brushes his silky, black hair out of his beautiful face. Ian plants a gentle kiss on Mickey’s lips, something so sweet and soft after something so rough. Ian puts his hands on either side of Mickey’s face and whispers, “You’re perfect.” Mickey sits up as a bright blush appears across his face. “I hope you keep saying that. One day you’re going to realize what having the last name ‘Milkovich’ means.” Mickey states with a solemn look on his face. “Hey,” Ian grabs his chin and tilts it up towards him, “none of that matters to me. I’m just glad we’re here, together.”

Mickey climbs off of Ian’s lap and heads to the bathroom to clean up the mess they made in his boxers. He immediately notices that something is different. The house is quiet. When the fuck has that ever happened? The Gallaghers are probably the loudest motherfuckers in the universe, how could they be quiet? Mickey gets to the bathroom and sees that he’s soiled the fabric of his boxers. These things never dry, he hates boxers for this reason, even if they are more comfortable. Boxer briefs are so much easier.

While Mickey cleans up, Ian gets the ‘all good’ text from Fiona he’s been anxiously waiting for. He smiles so big, that when Mickey comes out he just stares at him. “What’s going on?” He asks, “Well I may or may not have gotten us the whole hotel Gallagher for the entire night!” Ian all but shouts. “Is that why it’s so quiet?” “Well, don’t worry, baby,” he pulls Mickey in and whispers, “it won’t be that way all night,” Ian says as he grasps the back of Mickey’s head and neck and guides him into a passionate kiss.

With the two connected at the mouth, Mickey walks Ian backward upstairs. He turns right at the top of the stairs, but Ian directs them to the left towards Lip’s room. “I brought a surprise or two for you tonight. Let’s have a little fun before we eat lunch.” Ian says as he aggressively pushes Mickey down on the bed. Mickey takes off his shirt as Ian climbs up his body and keeps making out with him while they continue to undress. Mickey glances up and says “I think I want to take my trans tape off for you.” Ian leans over and says, “Whatever you want, baby. I think you're perfect and sexy no matter what.” Mickey smiles and takes off his tape.

They resume making out and Ian began to kiss his way down Mickey’s body. “I’ve missed your dick so much, Mick,” Ian says as he nips gently at Mickey’s hipbones. He works his way down to Mickey’s swollen clit and starts assaulting it with his tongue. Mickey instantly starts moaning and writhing on Ian’s ready tongue. He threads his hands through Ian’s hair and pulls him up and in for another make-out session. Ian’s hand makes its way down to Mickey’s clit, while Mickey’s hand returns the favor. They both begin grinding on each other as they both climb and climb toward their respective orgasms. “Tonight I’m gonna fuck you so many times, you’ll lose count. I’m going to be inside you after I open you up with my tongue and fuck you with it.” Ian whispers as he sees Mickey start to peak. “Unngh, fuck yes,” Mickey moans as his eyes roll back into his head.

Mickey comes shortly after that and immediately scoots down the bed to finish Ian off by eating him out. He sucks at Ian’s clit, causing his back to arch off the bed. Ian places his hand on the back of Mickey’s head and squeezes tightly as Mickey continued to suck and lick away at his member. Mickey doubles down on his sucking, loving to watch Ian squirm in pleasure and overstimulation. “I’m gonna cum, Mick. Oh fuck!” Ian says breathlessly as the feeling becomes overwhelming. The feeling of an actual human down there is still so new to him, that he feels so much more than he ever has before. No toy or hand could ever hold a candle to Mickey’s moist mouth licking and sucking him down. It’s intoxicating and Ian is thoroughly hooked on this feeling. Just as he thinks this, the waves of pleasure take over and he is soon coming into Mickey’s mouth.

Mickey works his way back up to Ian and lazily hisses him back down from his orgasm. He laughs and Ian turns his head gently toward with a confused look. “Not, that I regret this at all, but those sandwiches are going to be soggy as hell if we don’t eat them soon.” He laughs as he strokes Ian’s face and hair. They put on their respective boxers and walk downstairs topless hand in hand. Mickey smiles because he’s never felt this free with anyone, Ian smiles because he knows that this is just the beginning of a very sexy night.

Chapter Text

“So how’re you feeling?” Mickey asks with a mouthful of sandwich.

“Good, actually. It’s like the fog has been lifted and I can think straight again,” Ian says in between bites.

“Good, I’m glad.”

“I’m really thankful you came and took care of me. We barely know each other and I know I can be a lot.”

Mickey puts down his sandwich and looks directly into Ian’s eyes. “You don’t have to thank me, man. I knew you were worth it a long time ago, so don’t ever worry about me not showing up.”

Ian’s eyes begin to well up, so he glances away. “Thanks, no one’s ever said anything like that to me before.”

Mickey puts his hand on Ian’s knee and rubs it gently. “I mean it.” He leans over and lands a sweet kiss on Ian’s lips, tasting the ham and cheese sandwich he just finished. He decides to keep it going and plants a bunch of tiny kisses all across his face, pledging to kiss every freckle on his bespeckled face. Ian starts giggling and pulls Mickey onto his lap. They playfully push and shove each other, poking bits of exposed skin, and pausing to kiss in between laughs. Neither Ian nor Mickey can remember a time when they had so much fun.

Mickey pushes Ian until he’s horizontal on the couch and climbs his body to continue the onslaught of tickles and kisses. Ian gives as good as he gets and soon he flips them so Mickey is below him. He uses his tongue to trace around Mickey’s body, starting behind his ear, to his shoulder, to in between his pecs, and down his happy trail.

“Oh, I have something to tell you. I’ve been waiting to tell you until you felt better.” Says Mickey as he squirms under Ian’s tongue.

Ian looks up and rests his chin on Mickey’s belly, “Oh yea? What?”

“I got approved for top surgery. They have an opening in three weeks, I’ve already had my consult.”

Ian jumps up so he’s straddling Mickey’s hips. ”That’s great, Mick! I’m so happy for you! How are you feeling?”

“Great, just ready to get these bitches cut off.”

Ian leans down and kisses him firmly. “We need to celebrate! C’mere.” Ian slides his tongue between Mickey’s lips, securely in his mouth. He licks around Mickey’s mouth with his hands running up and down Mickey’s sides. Mickey moans into his mouth and then bites Ian’s lower lip. With his thigh slotted between Mickey’s, Ian begins humping Mickey into the couch. Mickey runs blunt nails down Ian’s back as he mumbles, “Oh god, I’m so fucking wet right now. I need you to fuck me.” Ian sits up, and both he and Mickey are panting and breathless.

Ian stands up from the couch and proceeds to throw Mickey over his shoulder. “Put me down! I can walk up the damn stairs myself! Ugh!” Ian smacks Mickey’s ass hard with his free hand and replies “I’ll put you down when I fuckin’ want, brat.” Mickey’s cheeks turn cherry red with lust and he keeps up the act, but only to make things more fun. Ian easily walks up the stairs with Mickey over his shoulder and tosses him onto the bed. He walks around the side of the bed and reaches into the prepared side table and pulls out his shiny, red, silicone strap-on.

“Want me to fuck you in the front or back right now?”

“Front’s less scary for my first time.”

“Ok, baby. Just lie back and let me fuck you into the mattress.”

Mickey moans.

Ian gets strapped into his dick and places a vibrating bullet inside to lie against his clit. He turns on the bullet and immediately waves and waves of electricity roll through his body. He grabs the lube and slicks up the dildo. He takes his lubed-up hand and begins to finger Mickey open. “God you are so wet” Kiss, “It’s so fucking hot.” Mickey wiggles under Ian’s touch and his words. Mickey takes two of Ian’s fingers before pleading, “Okay, okay. I’m good, please fuck me.”

With Mick on his back, Ian places his cock at his front entrance and slowly pushes in. Even though the glide-in is slow, it takes Mickey’s breath away. He’s never felt so full and Ian knows exactly how to work his 9-inch dick. He starts to thrust gently, checking in with Mickey the whole time. Mickey pulls him into a deep, passionate kiss and whispers, “I thought I told you I like it rough,” with a smirk on his face. Ian smiles back and hitches Mickey’s legs over his shoulders. He picks up the pace and starts slamming his dick into Mickey. Mickey throws his head back and screams, “fuck yes! Give it to me!” Ian continues to pound into Mickey’s wet pussy, holding his hips to meet his thrusts and pull Mickey back onto his cock. Without missing a beat, Ian pulls out and flips Mickey over so that he’s on his hands and knees. He slides back into Mickey's front hole with zero resistance and proceeds to pound the ever-loving shit out if his tight hole. Ian reels back and smacks a large handprint onto Mickey’s ass.

Ian reaches out his hand and grabs a fistful of Mickey’s dark locks to pull his head back and expose his throat. “Want me to choke you, baby? Want me to hold your pretty little throat in my hand while you fucking cum?” “Unngh, yes, fuck please, Ian.” Ian lowers his hand to the center of Mickey’s chest and pulls him up so that his back is pressed against Ian’s chest. Ian’s hand snakes up to Mickey’s exposed throat and grips it just enough to restrict Mickey’s airflow in short bursts. “I want you to bust a nut right here for me. I can feel how close your body is, just let go.” Mickey’s body gets tighter and tighter, as he comes exactly like Ian said he would, with Ian’s hand around his throat.

Ian kisses Mickey’s cheek before throwing Mickey back on the bed harshly. He quickly removes his strap-on and the vibrating bullet that has been keeping him on edge while he’s been fucking Mickey. He climbs back onto the bed in the opposite direction of mickey, bodies facing. He spreads Mickey’s legs and begins lapping at his, now, overstimulated clit. Mickey takes the hint and mirrors Ian’s movements. They tongue-fuck each other between groans, and Ian is determined to make Mickey cum again. He sucks on his enlarged clit while he circles his tongue around the tip. Mickey rubs circles into Ian’s dick with his hand, while sucking on his folds. Ian pants and whines, “fuck Mickey, keep going. I’m so close.” Mickey groans and starts to lick and suck at Ian’s dick greedily. Both guys start to shake and moan. They continue their ministrations until Ian cums first, with Mickey following shortly after. They collect their breaths as Ian comes up to lie next to Mickey. Sweaty and covered in sticky cum and lube, they hold each other tightly. Trading quick pecks and tender back rubs.

Ian says, “I’m so happy for you, Mick. Admittedly I’m a little jealous, but more than anything, I’m thrilled for you. This is gonna change your life. Those feelings of dysphoria that you have about your chest will be gone. You’ll be able to go topless whenever you want. It’s so fuckin’ cool.”

“Thanks, yea I totally get the jealousy thing. I was so upset when Trevor got his surgery after 2 years of T when I had been on it for almost 3. I’m excited, but also nervous. I’ve never had surgery before. And like I don’t know... “ Mickey trails off.

“What?”

“What if you don’t think I’m attractive anymore?”

Ian laughs before he realizes that Mickey isn’t joking. “Hey, you never have to worry about that. You are perfect and I say it because I mean it. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a boyfriend. Your body, no matter the changes, will always be attractive to me because you are attractive to me.”

Mickey leans over and kisses Ian sweetly. “Boyfriend, huh?” He smiles

“Uh yeah, I just figured, with everything and how long we’ve been..”

Mickey shuts him up with a slightly more passionate kiss than the one before. “Boyfriend. I like it.”

Ian blushes and stares into Mickey’s beautiful, blue eyes. “I like it too.”

They proceed to kiss without hurry and feel each other up and down like they’re trying to memorize each shape on the other’s body. Tongues are gently exchanged and lips are lightly bitten. Soft, sweet, and full of care. Arms thrown around necks and waists. Bodies shifting around each other, moving in sync. Gentle moans filling the room. Who knows how long they make out like this.

“Hey, let’s go out for a smoke.” Ian says.

They slowly get dressed as they continue to talk about anything and everything. They finally make their way downstairs on wobbly sex legs and go out to sit on the stairs of the back porch. Ian hands over a stick to Mickey and puts one in his own mouth. “Man, nothing beats an after-sex cigarette,” Mickey says. “Really, nothing?” Ian asked with a raised eyebrow. “Well the during-sex railing was pretty good too,” Mickey winks and shoulder bumps Ian.

“So did you really like sex? How was it using your front hole?”

“Fuck yea, I liked it. I’m not, uh, as dysphoric about my lower half. Is that weird?”

“I don’t think so. I’ve heard a lot of trans men are like that. I’m not, but I can definitely understand.”

“So does that mean you’re planning on having bottom surgery too?”

“Yea, that and maybe facial surgery. I’ve got such a round face, I just want some more masculine features.”

“Do you think I’m not trans enough if I don’t want those things?”

“Fuck no. It’s your body, do what makes you happy. You’re a man no matter what.”

“You think?”

“Definitely. Because I didn’t feel like I was born in the wrong body it was easy to discount my transness, but once I met enough people and did enough research, I realized that it didn’t matter what surgeries or clothes or whatever I had. I was still a dude.”

“Man, I never thought of it like that. I couldn’t even think past top surgery until I got my date and then it was like ‘What the fuck do I do next? Do I really want that?’”

“Yea, whatever makes you happy. You’re so fucking sexy, Mick. You never have to worry about me not finding you attractive. We can keep talking but let’s go inside and I’ll start making dinner.”

The two stand up to go back into the house. Ian grabs a beer for Mickey and himself to drink while he prepares the spaghetti. They chit-chat as Ian browns the meat, talking about how differently they grew up. In Mickey’s house, he was always the one cooking because he was the oldest ‘girl’ and his dad would beat the shit out of him if he didn’t make everything exactly the way he liked. Ian winces hearing these stories from Mickey’s youth, because they always revolve around Mickey’s violent, transphobic dad, Terry. Ian is glad that chapter is closed for Mickey, he definitely put up with way more than he had to. Mickey would never be able to live his authentic life under that roof.

Ian, on the other hand, has had nothing but support when he came out as trans and gay. It took a while for his family to stop deadnaming and misgendering him, but everyone’s intentions were good, so it didn’t bother him too much. They even bought his binder when he told them how his chest made him feel. They just wanted him to be happy and now he just wants that for Mickey, he deserves it.

Ian boils the spaghetti and gets two plates out of the shabby cupboard. As soon as all the pieces are ready, Ian loads up plates for each of them and brings them to the table. They sit across from each other at the table so they can play footsie as they eat. Both being southside born and raised, they’ve learned to not let food sit around and wait. They dive into the food, only taking short breaks to stare into each other’s eyes and smile.

When they finish, they both push their plates forward and lean back in their chairs. Mickey asks, “So what’s next for our grand date night?”

“Well I was going to see if you wanted to try anal tonight, but I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t feel ready for.”

Mickey’s cheeks instantly flame up and his eyes go wide. “That, um, that sounds amazing.” He says not even trying to hide the excitement in his voice.

Ian smiles brightly, “okay and we can do the color system for safewords. ‘Red’ means stop, ‘yellow’ means go slow and ‘green’ is go. Sound good?”

“Yea, I can work with that.” Micks runs his tongue along his lower lip.

“I also have some surprises upstairs for tonight, so feel free to let me know if you’re uncomfortable at any point.”

Mickey raises an eyebrow curiously and his heart starts to beat faster. Damn, Gallagher really did pull out all the stops for today.

“You ready?”

“Fuck yea”

They race each other upstairs and Ian closes the accordion door behind them. He turns to Mickey and says, in the deepest, his voice can go on testosterone, “Strip… slowly.” Mickey toes off his shoes and socks then unzips his pants and shimmies out of them, leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor. He grabs his t-shirt with crossed arms and slowly drags it over his head before discarding it with the rest of his clothes. “and the boxers”, Mickey turns away from Ian and pulls down his boxers over the swell of his ass before they fall to the floor and he steps out of them.

“Get on the bed, on your back, with your hands up in the air.”

Mickey does as instructed as Ian goes over to the nightstand and pulls out three tea light candles and lights them one by one. He reached back into the drawer and pulls out a worn brown belt. He walks over to where Mickey is laying on the bed and starts wrapping the belt around Mickey’s wrists to bind them together. Once he is satisfied, he looks at Mickey’s perfect face and asks, “color?”

Mickey is so turned on right now, he barely registers what Ian says. Then, in an instant, he says “green, so green.”

Ian smiles and leans down to give Mickey a sweet kiss. He then turns and grabs the first tea light. He gently pours some of the molten wax on Mickey’s collarbone. “Color?”

“mmm green”

Ian continues to coat Mickey’s torso, arms, and stomach with the hot wax as Mickey squirms with arousal. “Open your legs,” he says as he grabs the next tea light.

Mickey spreads his legs, as Ian applies more wax to Mickey’s strong thighs with the wax dripping towards his inner thighs. Mickey moans as the wax drips, cools, and hardens on his sensitive skin. “Now turn over and get on your elbows and knees.” Ian grabs the final tea light and, when Mickey’s in position, begins to drip wax all over the small of his back and over the curve of his ass.

“Oh God, Ian. Please give me more.”

Smack! Cooled wax flies off of Mickey as Ian slaps his ass. “You’ll get what you get when I decide to give it to you.”

“Y...Yes, Sir.”

Ian raises an eyebrow. Oh, he really likes that title. He moves up to Mickey’s face and gives him a tongue-filled, passionate kiss. “I like it when you call me that, baby. I’m going to eat your ass now as a reward. I’m gonna open you up with my tongue and then my fingers.”

Ian licks down Mickey’s spine to his ass. He initially brushes his tongue gently over Mickey’s quivering hole before circling back to lick a broad stripe right over it. He laps at the hole greedily for minutes on end before alternating stipes and pointed probes directly into his hole. He can tell the muscle is relaxing under his tongue so he continues to move deeper and deeper into Mickey’s waiting hole. Mickey pushes back onto Ian’s tongue and throws his head back in pleasure. “Unngh. So fucking good. Please, Sir, can I have a finger?”

“Of course you can, baby.” Ian grabs the lube and coats up his finger. He coaxes his finger up to the first knuckle, rhythmically pumping in and out of Mickey’s still-tight hole. As Mickey starts to loosen up, Ian inserts more and more of his middle finger into Mickey. When he’s ready, Ian adds another finger beside the first and starts to gently scissor Mickey open, making sure there’s plenty of lube to make sure Mickey is as comfortable as possible. “How ya feelin' baby?”

“Good. Nervous, but excited too.”

“Good, baby. I’m gonna take good care of you. Remember your colors if you need to use them, okay?”

“Okay”

Ian slides on his strap-on and lubes it up well. He lines up the blunt tip with Mickey’s entrance and gently starts to push in. “Oh shit, Ian this feels so good,” Mickey says from below. Ian smiles as he continues to push until he finds himself fully seated inside Mickey. He gives Mickey a second to adjust and asks, “color?” “Unngh green,” Mickey says as he starts gently bouncing back and forth on Ian’s dick, clearly too eager for Ian to start doing the work. Ian starts to thrust gently into Mickey and spreads his ass cheeks apart to watch the dildo as it enters Mickey over and over again. Mickey’s so fucking hot, watching him like this is driving Ian absolutely crazy. Ian quickly picks up the pace and grabs Mickey’s hips to keep his rhythm up.

Mickey is full-on moaning now. If he thought vaginal sex was good, anal is simply on another level. He feels euphoric in his body and feels sexy for the first time in as long as he can remember. He rests his head between his hands and just lets Ian rail into him. He can feel his orgasm approach, so he looks back at Ian and says “please, Sir, let me cum.”

Ian is on cloud nine as he reaches around Mickey and begins to stroke his clit vigorously. Mickey pants and groans underneath him. The sounds he’s able to pull out of Mickey are so fucking sexy. If he could cum untouched he would, but instead, he doubles down and focuses all of his strength on getting Mickey off. Mickey gets louder and louder as he approaches his climax. Two or three more strokes and Mickey is coming in Ian’s hands, shaking apart and moaning more than he thought was humanly possible. Ian unties Mickey’s hands and kisses each of his wrists.

Mickey turns towards Ian and plants a tender kiss on his lips. He scoots down the bed and takes the strap-on into his mouth. “Oh fuck, that’s so hot Mick,” Ian says as Mickey begins to bob his head up and down on the dildo while pushing on the vibrating bullet pressed against his clit. Ian moans and threads his hand through Mickey’s hair, helping him blow him and increasing his pace. Ian quickly comes undone watching Mickey suck his dick and cums almost embarrassingly fast.

Micky moves back up to the bed and kisses Ian as he comes down. After the crazy, sex-filled day they had. they both get dressed in a pair of pajamas after taking a nice, long shower each. They shake out all of the crumbled candle wax and crawl into bed, tangling arms and feet together. They kiss each other goodnight and both fall asleep with a smile on their faces.

Chapter Text

Mickey woke up the next day in a tangle of limbs with Ian snoring lightly to his left. The clock showed 6:30 AM, with the sun barely having risen above the row of houses outside of the Gallagher house. Weak rays of sunlight gleamed in through the window over Ian’s face and body. Mickey turned over on his side and examined just how handsome Ian was. His beautiful face was speckled with a spray of freckles, even on his delicate eyelids. His long eyelashes seemed to glow in the light and his soft lips were partially open.

Mickey had never felt so safe as he did while he was with Ian. He made it easy to forget the years of abuse suffered under the thumb of Terry Milkovich, the endless teasing he endured at the hands of his “friends,” and the years at the shelter feeling like just another lost kid. Is this what contentment felt like? If it was, he could definitely get used to it. Careful not to wake up his boyfriend, Mickey curled against Ian’s sleeping form and draped an arm delicately across his waist. Comforted by the sounds of Ian’s soft snore, Mickey quickly fell back asleep.

Ian woke up at 9 AM with Mickey wrapped around his body. They had fallen asleep so suddenly after yesterday’s activities that they must’ve become attached through the night. Ian looked at Mickey’s illuminated face and smiled. He could get used to waking up like this. He laid a sweet kiss on Mickey’s forehead and began rubbing up and down Mickey’s sides. Mickey muttered “Ian” and started softly moaning. Interesting. Ian stopped rubbing and asked if he was awake and got nothing but deep, relaxed breaths out of him. Mickey must be having a sexy dream. Ian was determined to make these dreams a reality.

Ian slowly unwrapped Mickey from his body and slid down underneath the sheets to take care of Mickey’s fantasies. He settled between Mickey’s legs and licked a fat stripe over Mickey’s clit. Mickey moaned breathlessly as Ian continued to gently coax him into the land of the living with his tongue. Ian licked around the base of his dick before taking the whole thing into his mouth and started to gently provide suction. “Ian? Oooh… fuck Ian” Mickey said above him as he reached down and threaded his hand among Ian’s ginger curls.

Mickey’s breath continued to pick up as the suction on his dick grew. He was soon squirming under Ian’s mouth, desperate to cum but not quite ready to give up this sensation. Ian returned to licking at Mickey’s clit, more desperately now that Mickey was awake to enjoy it. Mickey was bucking so hard onto Ian’s tongue that Ian grabbed his hips and pinned them down to keep him from moving. “E.. If you don’t stop, I’m gonna cum.” Mickey groaned out. Ian continues to lick and suck at Mickey’s clit, even as he feels Mickey’s thighs start to shake with an oncoming orgasm. “Fuck!” Mickey looks down at Ian before slamming his head back against the pillows. “Oh shit! That’s it, right there! Unnnngh!” Mickey just about screams as he cums.

Ian climbs up Mickey’s body and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “Good morning, handsome.” He grins, clearly content with himself. “It seemed like you were having a sexy dream, so I wanted to wake you up with one. Hope that’s okay.”

“Okay? You can wake me up like that any time you want, stud.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Ian grins.

“So what’s the plan for the day?”

“Shit, I guess I didn’t really plan for the morning after.” He laughs shyly. “Maybe we can brush our teeth, and get ready for the day? I can make breakfast and we can go from there? You, uh, probably need a shower. There’s wax everywhere.”

“I wonder whose fault that is?”

“Did you, um, like it? I know it was a little rougher than we normally go.”

“I loved it. It was fucking hot. If I ever don’t like what you’re doing, you’ll know. Everything we’ve done so far gets better and better.”

“You sure I’m not pushing…”Mickey shuts Ian up with a kiss.

“Stop. You’re doing great, Firecrotch. You’re not gonna get any complaints from me as long as you keep those morning blowjobs coming.”

“I can do that.” Ian lands a sweet kiss on Mickey’s lips. “Let’s get ready and we can go out.”

The two take turns brushing their teeth at the dingy Gallagher sink. Every day things feel more and more normal and domestic between them. Ian pees while Mickey brushes his teeth and vice versa. They talk throughout their morning routine, never an unnatural pause between the two of them. They each smoke a cigarette on the back porch, before heading inside for breakfast.

Mickey sits at the breakfast bar while Ian makes eggs and toast. “So what was little Ian like?”

“Always a tomboy. Fucking refused to wear my sister’s hand-me-downs growing up, always opting for my brother’s clothes. Cut my hair short way before I knew I was trans. Then puberty hit and it was so confusing to be in this body with these awful boobs, I just thought everyone felt that weird. Apparently not though. What about baby Mickey?”

“Kinda the same except I only ever had older brothers to pass things down so I dressed like a boy and like it. I couldn’t cut my hair short with Terry terrorizing me, ‘girls’ didn’t have short hair. Then, once I was old enough, I started to get beaten up by him because I didn’t steal girl clothes and still wanted to look like a boy. He thought I just looked like a lesbian, but I knew that I was a boy and those clothes would never mean anything to me. I started dressing like a girl just to reduce the beatings but I was fucking miserable, man.”

“Jeez, Mick. I’m sorry. Your dad is a fucking asshole. You never deserved any of that. Did you pick the name ‘Mickey’?”

“No, thankfully that was a nickname I always had. Dad didn’t like it because it was too butch, but I loved it so I just changed a letter in my birth name to be more masculine and kept the nickname. What about Ian?”

“I picked it because I had this stupid crush growing up on the actor. We’d watch the show every week and he was my favorite. He even was gay and bipolar, so it worked out alright I think.”

“It suits you.”

“Thanks, it was so annoying to find something I liked, but this one just stuck.”

They ate their breakfast in comfortable silence and kept making coy eyes at each other, gently playing footsie under the table.

“I know where I want to take you.”

“Cool. Can we smoke there? You smoke right?”

“Hell yeah, it’s been a minute because I’ve been broke as fuck, but I do.”

“Perfect, let me run upstairs and get something.”

“Sure, I’ll just clear our plates.”

By the time Ian is finished with the dishes, Mickey is barreling down the stairs with a perfectly rolled joint in his hand and a huge smile on his face. Ian grabs his hoodie from the coat rack and they exit the house from the back. Ian looks over at Mickey who’s keeping his head down, staring at the ground directly in front of his feet.

“Why do you do that?” Ian asks.

“Do what?”

“Keep your head down when we’re out?”

“Oh, I guess I just don’t want to run into anyone I knew before my transition. I grew up about 2 neighborhoods away from here.”

“Shit, well let me know if you don’t feel safe and we’ll leave.”

“Sorry, it’s been a long time and I’m pretty sure everyone thinks I’m dead anyway. I’m probably just being paranoid.”

“No, no. I get it. We’re almost there and it’s always empty.”

They arrive at a set of buildings in a pretty bad state of ruin. They look like old concrete apartment buildings that have long been abandoned. Ian grabs Mickey’s hand and drags him into one of the decrepit buildings. He immediately pushes him against the wall and kisses him hard before running up the stairs. Both of them run up the stairs, laughing, but totally winded. They get to the top floor and it’s Mickey’s turn to pin Ian up against a wall and kiss the life out of him. They’re making out fully at the point when Ian’s phone vibrates twice in rapid succession. He gently pulls away from Mickey to check it and sees:

Lip: Hey I’m bringing a girl home tonight so I’m going to need my room
Lip: Telling you so I don’t have to explain why I’ve got a dildo in my bedside drawer!

Ian shoots off a quick text with a smile

Ian: Hey, you never know, she might prefer that to your nasty dick

Lip responds quickly.

Lip: Whatever, man, just clean up your shit

“So Lip’s bringing a girl home tonight, so we’ll have to go clean up the room before he gets home.”

“No worries. The mess was half the fun.” Mickey winks back as he lights the joint and inspects it before handing it to Ian.

Ian takes the joint and takes a pull. He passes it back to Mickey as he releases a thin stream of smoke.

“So you really have never stuck a finger up your ass?” Mickey asks with a smile.

“No, I’m not opposed to it, I just never have really got turned on by it. Plus, its next-door neighbor isn’t exactly a friend to me right now.”

“So you’d never try anything in your front hole?”

“Fuck no! I’m getting that thing shut down as soon as possible. I’m glad you liked it, but the thought of my body doing that is just icky.”

“Icky.” Mickey laughs which makes Ian laugh.

They finish passing the joint back and forth until there’s nothing but the roach. Mickey puts it out on a wall and flicks it out of one of the window frames. They lie on their backs side-by-side holding hands, gazing dreamily at each other. The past month has felt like a dream, to be honest. What’s the likelihood that two trans guys could find each other and be this perfect together? Who knows how long they lie there like that? Hand-in-hand with hope for the first time in either of their short lives.

Ian checks his phone and thinks they should head out to clean Lip’s room before he gets there. They groggily help each other to their feet and take turns wiping the rubble dust off of each other. They slowly bring their mouths together for one last outside kiss before heading down the stairs they ran up earlier.

The trip back to the Gallagher house is slow and mellow. Once they arrive they go up to the bedroom and pull the sheets off, mindful not to dump crumbly wax drippings all over the place. They dump the wax into the trash before loading the sheets into the washer. Ian turns on the machine and sets to making sandwiches for himself and Mickey. They scarf down the sandwiches with chips and soda before sinking back into the couch to watch some TV. They are sitting so close that they are basically on one another. Ian’s arm is resting over Mickey, while Mickey places his head on Ian’s shoulder. Mickey’s hands busy themselves by playing with Ian’s ginger arm hair.

As their high wears off and they watch TV, the buzzer for the washer goes off. Ian slowly gets up and changes over the laundry to the dryer. He climbs back onto the couch and encourages Mickey to lie his head in his lap and take a quick nap while the sheets dry. Mickey shuts his eyes and quickly drifts off to sleep with Ian brushing his hair back. Before long Ian falls asleep, too, with his head draped over the back of the couch.

Mickey wakes up to Ian’s voice talking to Lip. He rubs his eyes and sits up to see both brothers. In the doorway he sees a dark-haired girl taking her shoes off. He hears Lip saying, “Yea, so me and Mandy,…” and his heart stops. Mandy? No, he can’t mean his little sister right? He turns back to the girl and sees his baby sister standing there, mouth agape, staring at him. “…Mickey? Is that you?” she says with watery eyes and a tremble in her voice.

Chapter Text

Mickey looks at his sister with his jaw dropped. He tries to speak, but his words are failing him right now. 4 years. It’s been 4 years since he’s seen or talked to his sister. He tries to stand from the couch, hoping his knees won’t give out. He travels around the furniture and stands in front of Mandy. She lunges forward and pulls him into a tight hug. He squeezes her back as he fights the tears welling up in his eyes. She pulls back and stares at him, tears falling freely now.

“Mickey, I thought you were fucking dead. What happened? Where have you been?”

“I… fuck, Mandy… I have so much to tell you, but I don’t know where to start.” Mickey says as tears start to roll down his cheeks.

“Let’s sit down and we’ll talk.”

Ian strides over to Mickey and gives him a quick side hug while telling him that he and Lip were going to go out for a smoke while the siblings talk. Mickey just nods and then walks back to the couch where Mandy is already taking a seat. He sits across from her, pulling his feet up on the couch and covering himself with the blanket draped over it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving, I just couldn’t live there anymore. Mands… I’m transgender. If Terry ever found out he’d fucking kill me. I couldn’t live a lie anymore, so I went out and got into the shelter at the LGBT center. I’m so sorry I left you there, but I’m finally happy and can live as myself.”

Mandy takes a sharp intake of air before speaking, “How do you know your trans? What if it’s just a phase?”

“It’s not a phase, I’ve been out for almost 4 years and I’ve known I was a dude for a lot longer. I mean even as a kid, I just knew I wasn’t in the right body. I just acted girly so that Terry would stop beating on me. I hated myself and my body for so long and now I get to just live like I was supposed to this whole time”

“Have you gotten the surgery yet?”

Mickey has to laugh at that. Mandy clearly is new to the whole ‘trans’ idea, but he’s not used to being the one to explain. He tries his best, “Well there’s a couple of surgeries you can get, but I’m only planning to get a double mastectomy to remove my tits. I really hate these things. The rest of me, I can live with for now.

“Honestly, seeing you now, it’s hard to imagine you as a girl. You even have a little 5 o’clock shadow.” She jokes as she pets his face. “That ginger guy, Lip’s brother, is he your boyfriend?

Mickey blushes at the title, but answers, “Yea. He’s great, it’s new but it feels right. Ya know?”

“Man, if you wanted to date guys, you could’ve stayed a girl. Then you wouldn’t have to deal with Terry if he ever finds out. Gay and trans? That’s like dad’s worst nightmare.”

“I never was a girl so there was no staying a girl, but yea Terry has kicked my ass for a lot less. I hope I never see that fucker again.”

“Why didn’t you call or text?” she says with tears threatening to spill over her eyelashes.

“I… I was scared that you would hate me for leavin’. I just wanted to leave that Mickey behind me and set a match to it. I didn’t think about how it would affect you, but I really am sorry. I love you, Mands and I really do miss the fuck out of you.”

She punches his arm and says “I miss you too, Mick.”

They hug across the couch as Ian and Lip enter the house. “You can’t tell anyone, especially not Terry,” he whispers before turning to his boyfriend. Mandy stands up and clears her throat before saying, “I, for one, think we need to play a drinking game to celebrate!”

“Alright, alright,” agrees Mickey, knowing Mandy won’t stop asking until they finally play. Lip and Ian just tag along as the other two set up shot glasses filled with cheap vodka around the kitchen table. They decide on ‘circle of death.’ Ian grabs a can of beer to put in the middle while Lip spreads the beer-stained playing cards messily in a circle. They sit around the beat-up, old table and get comfortable for the semi-competitive drinking game. Ian draws the first card without breaking the circle of cards around the lone beer.

He pulls a 4 (floor, everyone races to touch the floor, and the last one drinks). Mickey is the last to touch the floor and groans as he takes his shot, giving a sly smile to Ian as he downs it. Mickey draws a card next.

He pulls a King (make a rule). He makes the rule that Mandy and Lip can’t touch each other while the game is happening or they have to do a shot each for each time they touch. Lip rolls his eyes and Mandy smacks him hard in the arm, “Does that mean you and Ian won’t be touching?” she asks full of attitude. “Fuck no!” he replies to her, before turning to Ian and saying “c’mere.” He guides Ian’s mouth to his own and proceeds to give a slow passionate kiss, licking around the edge of his lips, before letting him go and smirking at his sister, who just groans in annoyance. Mandy draws next.
She draws a Jack (never have I ever). Each of them puts three fingers in the air. Mandy starts.

Mandy: Ummmm, never have I ever got caught doing a crime.

“Fuck you, bitch,” says Mickey as he puts a finger down. “Oh, Mick, do tell,” provokes Mandy, sticking her tongue out at her brother. “Fucking shoplifting from this shitty convenient store down the road.” Ian’s ears perk up at that, “What shop?” he asks. “Kash n’ Grab.” “No shit, I worked there for years. I think I remember you! You would lift stuff from us all the time. How’d you get caught?” “Linda.” They both laugh, Linda was certainly the least intimidated by Mickey’s thug attitude. “Shit, I guess it’s Lip’s turn.”

Lip: Never have I ever worn makeup.

Predictably Mandy puts a finger down, but Mickey puts a finger down as well, embarrassed. “Shit, Mickey. I was just trying to get Mandy out,” Lip apologizes as he reached for Mandy’s hand. “No shit, but my dad would’ve killed me if he suspected I was trans. Why do you think I got the fuck out of there? Also, you fucking touched my sister… drink up bitches!” Lip and Mandy both knock back a shot each before Ian’s turn.

Ian: Never have I ever fucked someone of the opposite gender.

Mandy and Lip both unashamedly put a finger down, smiling at each other. Mickey makes a fake gagging sound before he goes.

Mickey: Uh, never have I ever fucked someone more than 5 years older than me.

Ian’s cheeks flame up as he puts down a finger. “Before you ask, it was Kash.” Only his brother knew that. Mickey speaks up, “Shit, Ian. Was this when you were underage?” “Yep, 15 to 17. I know it’s gross now, but I thought we were in love. It’s stupid.” Ian says as he hunches his shoulders and readies himself for the mockery to come... but it never comes. Mickey reaches over and grasps Ian’s hand. “You were just a kid, how could you know?” Mickey then leans over and plants a sweet peck on Ian’s lips. Lip clears his throat.

They continue playing ‘circle of death’ until the last card is drawn. They’re all pleasantly drunk. Mickey invites Ian to stay with him at the shelter for the night so they both don’t have to hear Lip and Mandy fucking. Ian stumbles up the stairs and quickly packs a bag. He meets Mickey munching on snacks in the kitchen. They leave the house tripping over their feet, heading towards the L station, both completely unaware of the beat-up car following them.