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“Fullmetal to what do I owe the pleasure of this late-night call?” Roy purred absently while reading through the latest report.
“Help,” a tinny, scratchy, altogether too weak voice croaked on the end of the line. Instantly Roy went rigid, dropping his pen to spatter ink onto the report.
“I’m on my way,” Roy said, getting to his feet to rush around the desk, phone held tightly, “Where are you?”
Ed coughed wetly and Roy heard groaning and creaking in the background, “You’ll probably hear about it soon. Sorry about that.” Roy’s heart squeezed at the man’s apology. Edward never apologized, not for something like his feats getting into the paper.
“Just tell me where you are,” Roy stressed, pulling open his door and snapping his fingers at Hawkeye, who looked up to glare only to harden into a different type of serious when Roy made the universal motion to wrap things up. She nodded. Roy ducked back into his office.
“Edward, I need to know where I’m heading.”
“You sent me here, Bastard,” he snarled, but it was weak, his voice fading to a whisper halfway through. Yes, Ed’s normal anger was ever present, but there was also a great deal more of confusion in his voice.
“Ed, last I heard from you, you were still in South City,” Roy said, brow furrowed in confusion.
“What?” Ed said, his voice slurred, filled with obvious pain and confusion. Roy’s heart pounded in his chest. “But—” Ed cut himself off with a groan of pain. Roy clutched the phone.
“Edward? What’s the situation?” he asked urgently.
“Hurts,” Ed’s voice broke, “dizzy. Can’t, can’t think straight.” Concussion. Of all the injuries Ed had gotten over his tenor, concussions had been surprisingly rare. Roy had heard enough of Edward’s rants about hospitals to know how much not having a clear head scared the man.
“Where are you hurt, Ed?” Roy asked again, more gently this time. There was a long pause. The only reason Roy didn’t suspect they’d lost the connection was because he could hear Ed’s ragged breathing and the groaning of the building he was in.
“Ed?” Roy had stopped breathing to hear Ed’s own.
“You never call me that,” Ed’s gruff voice rasped finally.
As silently as he could, Roy let out the breath he’d held, and sucked in a new one. “In these circumstances I believe I’m allowed a little familiarity,” Roy reasoned.
Ed snorted, and then groaned. “Arm’s pinned, something stuck in it. Can’t focus enough to see it, too dark too. Automail crumbled to dust right after I hooked up the phone. Legs are pinched under some rubble.”
Roy let out a wheeze through his nose, covering it as a sigh, and covering his rampant fear with annoyance. “Brought down another building already? That’s the third time this month, Fullmetal.”
But instead of the usual snark back, Ed didn’t speak for another long moment. “I’m sorry,” he said, and to Roy’s horror, he sounded like he was choking on tears.
Instantly Roy softened, “We’ll get you out, Edward. I swear to you. Now where are you?”
Ed sniffed and collected himself. Roy stayed patiently on the phone, counting each breath Ed took as the blessing it was. “Warehouse. On East 50th. Last on the row, near the docks. We had a leak that caused the collapse. Hughes sent me there.” Roy’s eyes narrowed and allowed his heart to flutter. Even with a concussion and horrible mood swings, Ed was still sharp. The code was well enough that they’d probably not know. Hughes had left early, but it could have easily meant a message. But Ed would know that Hughes would have sent all cases he needed Ed’s attention on, through Roy. So, someone in Command had send Ed into a trap that now caused him to call it in.
Roy glowered down at his desk. Heads would roll for this. “We’ll be on site as soon as possible,” he said, keeping his anger out of his voice as he scribbled down the address. Once more heading toward the door he stuck his head out to see Hawkeye ready and waiting, coat already on, his over her arm, at attention. He handed the address and message to her. She read it quickly and immediately picked up her own phone to start making calls.
“Can you, can you say on the line? Just for a bit?” Ed asked, voice small and scared once more. Roy closed his eyes against the pain that voice caused him. Even at 21, Ed could still sound painfully young. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Riza giving him a gentle look.
Roy covered the receiver and she said, “Stay, keep him talking. He needs to stay awake if it’s as bad as you say.” Roy sighed in relief and the only reason he didn’t uncharacteristically hug her, was because he knew he’d tangle her on the phone cord.
“Thank you,” he said lowly, but sincerely. She smiled and nodded. Roy turned back to the phone. “Riza will be there soon Ed, I’m right here for you as long as you need.” He flinched a bit at the too honest response, but Ed let out a relieved sigh that seemed to shake all the way through him.
“Thanks,” he grumbled, the embarrassment coming back with a vengeance.
“Any time.”
There was a pause where every conversation topic flew right out of Roy’s head as the panic over Ed’s situation, his own lack of control of said situation, the strange awkwardness that the tension of the situation caused, and the lingering uncomfortableness from last they spoke all flooded his brain at once, leaving him for once, mute.
Ed coughed and then groaned, making Roy’s gut drop. “So, what do you want to talk about?” he asked, the most awkward he’s been since he was a young teenager.
Ed wheezed but it sounded more like a chuckle than a cough so that was at least good news. “Anything but the situation I’m in,” he said, his voice rough in a way that made Roy’s stomach drop in a completely different and inappropriate way than it had before. He ignored this fact and grappled with any topic he could come up with. None were volunteering, so he’d have to pick something he’d been thinking about earlier.
“You and Winry, how is that relationship going?” he blurted out, immediately face palming.
This time, Ed’s wheeze was certainly not amusement, and he groaned loudly, “Anything but that, Bastard!” he yelled, and Roy’s brain decided to helpfully volunteer the image of Ed going that lovely shade of red he went when he was breathtakingly angry at Roy for something. It was one of Roy’s favorite colors right after Edward’s eyes and hair, and that coat he so loved to complain about.
“Forgive me, Edward,” Roy said, trying to smooth over the feathers, knowing how much of a disaster that would go, “I was of the impression you two were still going strong.”
“We broke up asshole, not like you ever asked!” Ed snapped, but there was more defeat in his voice, which made Roy’s pounding heart once more do an uncomfortable somersault. He probably should get that checked out.
“Oh,” Roy said, at a loss for words. His heart soared while his mind scrambled for another reason, any other reason to not allow himself to think of dear, passionate, clever, gorgeous Edward in that way. But he was coming up terrifyingly blank.
Ed on the other line sighed, “It was right before I came back to Central,” he said before letting out a cough that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up a moan of pain. “She thought, after Creta, I’d gotten it out of my system, was going to stay or at least stick around more.”
Fury and indignation roared to life in Roy’s heart. Even he, someone not even in a relationship with, and with many less years of knowing the Elrics than Miss Rockbell herself, knew of the impossibility and horrible reaction someone would get if they implied they wanted to hold either of them down. Edward and Alphonse’s wanderlust was legendary around Command. Every soldier that heard of them, first heard of their great feats of improbable alchemy, and then second their inability to be tied down even with a Military contract now in both their names. Those that had only heard the kind things about the Elrics, had quietly nicknamed them the ‘Spirits of Alchemy’. Named for their ability to sweep in with pomp and circumstance, announce their newest feat, gather thank yous, and before any other conversation could be held, disappear once more from the grounds.
Roy personally found fault in this for many a reason, not most of all being that many a night Ed had ‘spirited’ into his office, but he’d stay. They’d once more get wrapped up in discussions of alchemy, or planning, before Roy was offering the young man his spare room, knowing he’d be gone by morning. Though Edward traveled near and far, barely reported in more than he had before Promise Day, and overall, still gave Roy more paperwork than he’d like, Edward always, always came back. No matter what. His strength in his convictions, in his ability to know a problem and immediately take action to correct it, and that commitment to his team, to his loved ones, was one of the many reasons Roy was so deeply, ridiculously, hopelessly in love with Edward Elric.
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“Edward? Is everything alright? You’ve been awfully quiet.” The question jolted Ed from the dissociative state he’d gone into. He sucked in a startled breath and immediately regretted it as dust and microscopic debrief shot down his lungs. He coughed roughly, wishing for water or his hand or to not be fucking pinned! Instead, he had to focus on not jerking his other arm too much, and not dropping the phone, and not clenching his abs too hard or else he’d aggravate the wound there. Fuck, this is a nightmare.
“I’m here,” he finally rasped once he’d gotten his coughs under control.
“I’m very glad to hear that,” Roy said in his ever-smooth voice he used when he was trying to cover up how unnerved he was. Shit, on top of everything else, I’m still giving the Bastard gray hairs.
“I was just trying to glean some information of how your mission went,” Roy said after a moment.
Ed groaned and wished he could roll his neck, but the phone was currently jammed between his shoulder and cheek to keep it in place. “You’re asking about work?” he complained, “Now? Of all times?”
“Well, I certainly have your captive attention,” Roy teased, and Ed let out a growl to cover up his laugh.
“You’re a bastard,” he snapped, brain fogged and muddy, making it hard to come up with anything more clever than the same old same old.
“As you love to remind me. I do believe your insults are becoming a little stale, maybe you should look into getting some new material,” Roy snarked back.
“I’ll show you stale, you crusty ass old man,” Ed snapped but his mind was already slipping through his grip like stew. What if they didn’t get here in time? What will they tell Al? Would he even be able to get here for my funeral?
“I’m 35 you Brat!” Roy’s snap brought Ed back from the edge of panic, “That is hardly old by any standards. And my ass is plump and bouncy I’ll have you know,” he sniffed for effect and Ed couldn’t help the giggles that suddenly overcame him, even if it made his side wound start bleeding again.
“I can’t imagine how you’re single with an attitude like that,” he chuckled. Roy’s low, warm chuckle swept over him, and Ed couldn’t stop himself from relaxing into the safety and comfort it elicited.
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“Ed? You still there?” Roy asked, heart pounding once more as he clutched at the phone.
“Hm?” Ed’s hummed response sounded suddenly much more out of it than he had a moment ago.
A sudden thought occurred that made something dark and ugly and seeping with fear wake up in the back of Roy’s mind. “Ed? Are you injured anywhere other than your arm?” he asked, the fear slowly tightening like a noose around his neck as he waited.
“Huh? Oh,” Ed muttered and then another, heart stopping pause. “Yeah.” Roy’s heart started pounding like a racehorse, making it feel like his chest was going to crack open from the force of it. His throat threatened to close up as fear strangled him.
“Dammit, Ed!” he snapped, his hand clenching against the edge of his desk, knuckles going white. “We’ve talked about this!” The quiet was a thousand times more terrifying than it had been, because Roy didn’t know, he wouldn’t be able to tell, Ed could be dying!
“I didn’t want to worry you when there’s nothing you can do,” Ed muttered, “I hate when I worry you.”
Now Roy was dealing with his heart both wanting to drop straight out of his chest or soar through the clouds. He just wished it would calm the fuck down. Roy closed his eyes and let out a breath that suddenly reminded him of a fabled dragon; it was an apt description for the roaring of emotions he was going through at the moment.
“Did it ever cross your mind,” he asked through gritted teeth, “how I would feel if you died while on the phone with me, when I could have been helping you take care of that injury or informing those coming to get you of the fact that you were injured!? I believe a little worry is negligent to the utter devastation I’d feel if you were gone when I could have helped!”
The silence seemed to echo in the wake of Roy’s tirade.
All he could hear was the sound of groaning.
“Ed?” he breathed, his heart frozen, an unbeating mass in his chest. He got to his feet, as if that would somehow help Ed.
Then a shift.
A clang.
A rumble started.
“Edward!?” Roy yelled, a rock in his stomach. His legs going numb, his heart in his throat.
It got louder. And louder.
So loud that it turned to static on the phone.
Then a clatter.
. . .
Then a harsh beep. The line went dead.
The phone slipped from Roy’s hands and smashed to the floor as horror overwhelmed him. Roy’s knees gave out and he sank into his chair. He bent, covering his face as tears, for the first time since Maes’ near-death, filled his eyes. The building had collapsed. And the last thing he’d said and done to Ed, was to scream at him.
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Ed’s heart shriveled up at Roy’s lecture and tears sprang to his eyes. Fucking, stupid drugs! He shook his head roughly, which only caused a massive dizzy spell that left him reeling. Then a shift, a groan. He froze, breath caught in his chest. Another groan. Then a long, low vibration. The building. Al’s never going to see me again! His heart was frozen. His mind filled with Al, Mei and Ling, Maes, Hawkeye, all of the team, and finally Roy. Roy who’d been so patient with him through all of this. Who’d distracted him through every shift of metal, ever clatter that sounded like feet coming back to finish the job. He’d been a pillar of comfort and safety like he’d always been. And Ed had just ended up disappointing him, making him so angry he’d screamed at him.
I’m sorry, Roy. I’m so sorry. I wish I had more time. More time to tell you all the things I was too chickenshit to tell you. I love you. Goodbye.
Ed closed his eyes. Letting his fear take him, just this once. He didn’t want to watch death come for him this time. Tears trailed silently down his cheeks.
But then, far off in the distance, on the edge of his hearing, Ed heard it.
“--- FOR GENERATIONS!”
His breath got knocked right back out of him as his eyes flew open. He thought he heard Mustang speak, but he was deaf to it, searching out with his hearing as the rumbling got louder and louder. It roared in his ears, but under it he could hear the pounding of boots and sirens.
Ed dropped the phone as a hole appeared, great struts shooting from the ground he was on to support the collapsed building hanging above him. He coughed weakly, the bleeding in his side still sluggishly flowing. As the dust started the settle once more, he saw the hulking figure of Armstrong, Hawkeye’s smaller one standing bold beside him, gun out and ready to shoot anyone in her way.
Ed sagged, all strength leaving him. Armstrong slammed his fist into the ground and more struts grew around Ed, supporting his little alcove and shifting the rubble out of the way. He lolled his head to the side and watched with fuzzy detachment as one of those struts cut the phone line he’d made. It didn’t impress upon him what that meant.
“ED!”
“YOUNG MASTER ELRIC!”
Voices echoed in the space Armstrong had made and Ed used what little energy remained to turn toward them. He blinked, vision going black around the edges as Hawkeye rushed forward, Armstrong already assessing the boulders holding his legs in place.
“Hawkeye,” Ed wheezed. She was there and pushing his sweaty bangs back, looking him over quickly.
“It’s alright Ed, we’ll get you out of here, the medics are right behind us,” she said, her voice filled with more emotion than he’d heard since he visited her all those years ago.
“Roy,” he breathed, then started to cough.
“Shhh, don’t speak, we’ve got you,” she shushed, but Ed shook his head.
“No,” he said, through a suddenly tight throat, “Was on the phone, all that time. He doesn’t know, couldn’t tell him--” His coughing got worse, and his vision darkened even more.
“I’ll get Maes to go get him, don’t worry. You’re safe now, Ed. We’ve got you. You can rest,” Hawkeye promised.
Ed fell back limp, his muscles completely worn. He’d fought long and hard and now, now he was being given permission to rest. “Tell, tell Roy, I’m sorry,” he said just before darkness finally claimed him.
________________________________
Roy didn’t know how much time has passed, maybe minutes, maybe hours, the time didn’t matter. In fact, not a very many few things did. All he had, as grief consumed him, were thoughts of regret. I’m such a cowardly bastard. All that time. All those chances. And I was too fucking scared to open my mouth, to take a chance on the happiness Maes has always encouraged me to find. And now? Now I’m truly exiled to a life of loneliness. The only one I could see myself sharing this life with, walking side by side until both of us die of old age, gone.
He's gone. And the last thing I did was guilt trip him. The last words we shared were ones of anger. And now, now everything I was hoping for. The bright future I saw. Has gone dark. I have nothing left but the mission. But what does that mission mean if I don’t have him beside me?
Roy curled further into himself and let the tears come. Let the grief consume him. Let the shame and guilt and pity overtake his mind. If this was what the assholes planning this wanted; well, they certainly achieved it. Roy wouldn’t have cared if one of them walked into his office right now with a gun to assassinate him. Even then though, they wouldn’t succeed. He could almost hear Ed’s voice yelling at him, repeating his own words he’d said so long ago. Get up and walk you Bastard! This isn’t the end. I said I’d get you to the top and I’ll be damned a seventh time if you give up now! Pull yourself through the mud, keep pushing onward, don’t ever give up!
Still, even with those words ringing in the back of his mind, the grief won out.
Roy sat there, his mind eventually going terrifyingly blank. There was nothing there. No planning. No strategizing. No memories. Nothing. He was an empty husk staring down at the dull black carpet on the floor. Pain radiated from his chest, making his extremities tingle. His nose felt tight, and he wondered blankly if he was going to faint. He couldn’t feel himself breathing, couldn’t feel his heart beating. It was as if he stopped functioning the moment Ed did.
__________________________________
Suddenly the door burst open, but Roy did not startle. As if in slow motion, he ever so slowly raised his head. Hughes was standing in the doorway. But that wasn’t right, Hughes had gone home, hadn’t he? Or had so much time passed that Roy had stayed through the night, and Hughes was doing his daily bother in the mornings? Roy didn’t have the energy to check the windows. He simply stared, unmoving, unprocessing, at his best friend.
Then Hughes said two words that lit the fire in Roy’s chest. The fire that had been extinguished when the phone went dead in his hands.
“He’s alive.”
It took a moment, two moments, for Roy to process the words. For the words to make an impression on his locked down brain. Still, even as the words were absorbed, Roy did not react.
“He’s alive Roy, they’re taking him to Central Hospital as we speak,” Hughes assured.
Again, it took time to process it.
Finally, the words pierced the fog Roy had fallen into. He jumped like he’d been electrocuted. Elation and dread racing through his blood stream until he felt lightheaded.
“Are you sure?” he snapped, the commanding steel back in his voice.
“Positive. Riza is with him now,” Hughes nodded.
Roy stood there for one long second. Thoughts going a million miles an hour, plans and back up plans and contingencies all unfolded in his mind. The anger from before fanned the flames in his chest. Roy collected himself with surprising speed, everything shuttered behind his impenetrable mask.
“You know, every time I see you do that, it scares me a bit,” Maes muttered. Roy simply sent him his trademark smirk, despite knowing his eyes still look as haunted as they had been when Maes walked in.
“Let’s go,” he said in a clipped tone. Maes threw him his coat, which he artfully caught and slipped on as they stepped out of the office. Maes waited close by his side as Roy locked up. Once they were ready, they put on an air of casual sauntering and started to make their way out of Command. Maes kept up a solid stream of gushing about his wife and daughter, while Roy forced himself to roll his eyes despite the lifeline that subject really was. Maes’ eyes were sharp as ever and Roy knew his best friend was constantly checking on him. For once, he didn’t mind, feeling far too close to the edge.
Maes clapped a hand on his shoulder just as he felt his brain start to drift, cataloguing and re-cataloguing all the what ifs, all the ways this could go wrong, all the ways the fate he thought had befallen the love of his life could actually come true. The slap on the shoulder was a welcome tether back from the darkness his brain so loved to wonder in.
“So, Roy,” Maes said in a sing song tone of voice, “When are you going to introduce me to that lovely lady you mentioned?”
Roy raised an eyebrow, offence clearing out the fear as that rage from earlier bubbled to the surface. He opened his mouth to snap at Maes before the man squeezed his shoulder and wiggled his eyebrows. Roy felt like an idiot, his terror and emotions completely throwing him off kilter and making him vulnerable. He hated being vulnerable. He took a deep breath and once more smoothed his expression, “I was actually thinking of bringing her over for dinner, it’s about time we see if she can stand my insane best friend.”
Maes grinned like a shark and Roy gave a tiny nod. Together they stepped out of Command and made their way across the parade ground before, in sync, walking across the street and disappearing around the corner. Instantly both men’s relaxed postures tightened back up and their steps hurried a bit.
“Clear,” Roy said after glancing around.
“What happened? Riza only gave me the bare bones, but that doesn’t explain how Ed of all people got caught and pinned in a collapsed building,” Maes muttered.
“There was a leak, someone sent him there, apparently under my orders,” Roy snarled through gritted teeth.
“You think it was a trap?” Maes asked, ignoring for the moment Roy’s rage.
“How else could someone incapacitate the Fullmetal Alchemist,” Roy snapped before letting out a sigh and rubbing at his temples, trying to uselessly ease the oncoming migraine. “Maes, nothing could have stopped Edward from saving himself unless he was out of it.”
“You know that only leaves a few options?” Maes said.
Roy heaved a sigh, “Yes. I had prayed he’s straightened out, but alas,” Roy shook his head at his own naive hope.
“Yeah, I’ll get the team on it as soon as I talk to Hawkeye. We need to do this by the book so he can’t slip through and turn it around,” Maes offered.
Roy gave a tired chuckle, “If Ed was in his right mind, he would have been giving me an earful. So many ‘I told you so’s’, Maes you don’t even understand.”
Maes lost the serious look and cracked up, “You already sound married Roy,” he teased through his chuckles.
Roy groaned and his heart seized in his chest at the thought. His brain unhelpfully supplied heartbreakingly sweet daydreams and for one second, he was lost to it. Ed glowing in the afternoon light, a black and red studded suit hugging his broad shoulders and narrowing to show off his small but sturdy waist. His hair would be in a fancy braided look, glowing like the sun itself had blessed him. He’d grin when Roy appeared, that unburdened, face splitting grin that made his eyes squint up and Roy’s heart pound. His brother beside him, and Miss Rockbell beside him. Everyone would be there. All their family. Chris in the front seat, a sheen of tears in her eyes even as she made raunchy remarks to Vanessa beside her. Maes would be walking beside him, as if to give him away, and Riza would be in front, leading the charge for once. It was beautiful. It was breathtaking.
It made something shatter in his soul as he was violently reminded that right now, Ed wasn’t grinning. It wasn’t sunny. Their family wasn’t all together, happy in a moment shared between them. Instead, thunder threatened, their family was scattered and filled with a mirror of the terror coursing through him, and Ed was laid out in the city hospital, with tubes and wires attached. Roy didn’t even know if he’d hear the precious beep of that ‘Heart-made-Fullmetal’ again.
“It’s going to be okay, Roy,” Maes muttered as Roy’s feet picked up the pace. The panic he’d been shoving down now tore at his throat, drowned out his ears, and left his breath going too fast in his lungs.
“Listen to me,” Maes jumped in front of Roy, making the man pause long enough for him to grab Roy’s shoulders, and made him look at him, “Ed is a fighter. You know that. You think one little concussion and building collapse is going to keep him down for long? He got his arm and leg ripped off by God and had enough strength to tell the creature to fuck itself. He. Will. Get. Through. This too.”
“I never told him,” Roy blurted out.
“Told him what?” Maes asked, and if Roy was in a better mindset, he would have recognized the sparkle in Maes’ eyes, but he didn’t. Because Roy was panicking and scared. He was vulnerable.
“I never got to tell him I love him, and now, now,” Roy choked on his words the terror from earlier rising like a tide and Roy could do nothing but be swept away with it.
“General Mustang, pull yourself together!” Maes snapped in his best CO voice. Roy snapped to attention, back going stiff, all emotional outburst fleeing with the threat of command.
He froze as he realized what he’d been doing. Then looked at his best friend with wide eyes, “Sorry,” he muttered.
“You haven’t panicked this hard since after Ishval. Let’s get you to Ed. Only seeing him will steady you out,” Maes said, all business, which Roy latched eagerly onto. He needed order. He needed control. He needed a direction. Find Ed. Make sure he’s okay. Find Ed. Make sure he’s okay. The rest he can figure out once he knows for sure he hasn’t lost the only bright star in his life.
Roy nodded stiffly and Maes let go, taking the lead. They weren’t flat out running, but they were . . . making haste. It stopped Roy from thinking, weaving in and out of the office workers getting out of work late. He didn’t have time. Only the next step. The next turn. The next dodge. It reminded him of war, and he quickly shoved that thought down before it could go any further.
They made it to the hospital not five minutes later.
“Edward Elric, where is he being housed? I’m Roy Mustang, his commanding officer and emergency contact.” Roy let himself fall into the smooth suave roll he’d built for himself, allowed it to cover all insecurities and fears, just allowing him to be the roll.
The frazzled nurse at the emergency room station blinked at him for a second before restarting and starting to look through her papers. “Elric, you said?” Roy nodded and hid the tightening of his fists under the desk. “He’s not out of surgery,” she looked back at him with sad and understanding eyes, “You can wait over there, and I’ll send the doctor to you as soon as we know something.” She pointed down the hall to a waiting room that seemed a bit more private. Seeing as this was a military hospital, he wasn’t surprised that they had something for higher ranking officials waiting for word. He nodded wordlessly and he and Maes made their way to it. Riza was there and simply gave them a silent nod, though her eyes never left Roy.
Immediately Roy was in motion. Waiting. Waiting would not do. Waiting meant worrying. Waiting meant questions. Waiting meant time for panic. So, he paced, and he planned. Planning was what he was good at. Patience, though a skill he possessed, was not something he was good at using when loved ones were on the line. So, he paced, and he planned.
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Hours passed. Roy alternated between pacing and sitting with his head in his hand or staring down at his gloves. Eventually, Maes had to head home to take care of his wife and daughter. He made Roy swear to call him as soon as he got word. He put a comforting hand on Roy’s shoulder and swore that Ed would pull through. Roy had grasped onto the promise like a dying man. But now, hours later, it seemed to slip through his fingers like smoke. Riza stayed, a silent support by his side. Her silence was comforting but also meant she sometimes disappeared in the background, allowing his mind to take him down dark road. Warm hand on his shoulder would be the only thing pulling him back. But it wasn’t enough. He needs to see Ed alive with his own eyes, and that was seeming increasingly unlikely.
He'd even started to go through the stages of grief, something telling him Ed was gone, when suddenly a doctor was there. A mask hung from her ear, a rumpled set of scrubs on her small frame. Roy knew not to underestimate her just because of her size and stature. What made his heart squeeze painfully in his chest and shot him to his feet, was the blood spattered across those scrubs. Ed’s blood.
“What’s the situation?” he demanded, knowing he looked like hell but far beyond caring. Riza stood up more slowly, her eyes sharp and narrow.
The doctor immediately held up her hands, “He’s stable,” she answered the most important question first, “He had a stab wound on his left side, it punctured his intestines and gave him internal bleeding. There was a lot to patch up but the scar tissue from his previous impalement did him some favors. Thankfully, his liver wasn’t too damaged, but we did have to remove some of his large intestine. His head injury was minor, and he won’t even have a concussion—” the statement made Roy jolt.
“But—” he started, biting his tongue to silence himself. If Ed only had a minor head injury, then how the hell was he so out of it? He and Riza exchanged a look.
“Yes?” the doctor asked.
Roy quickly shook his head. He’d need to get Dr. Knox to take a look at Ed’s blood. If it wasn’t the physical that was causing Ed’s symptoms, it means he’d taken something, or been given something. His early snap at Hughes suddenly looked different in this new light. … unless he’s completely out of it! Ed was out of it. He’d been drugged. Oh, someone is going to burn for this, Roy snarled mentally. “Nothing, just with how much my lieutenant told me he was bleeding, I’m just surprised he’s evaded a concussion once again,” he lied smoothly.
“Head wounds bleed a lot,” the doctor explained, as if Roy had never seen a head injury. He’d take the hit to his ego to keep this information away from the staff of an unsecured hospital.
“Naturally,” he said.
“Besides the scrapes, contusions, and bruises, nothing else is life threatening. He’s out of surgery now and resting. You can go see him once the staff transfer him to his room,” The doctor said. Roy nodded.
“Thank you very much, Dr.?” he asked.
“Oh, silly me, Dr. Glico,” she said, offering her hand.
“Your efforts in this will not be forgotten by the Amestrian Military, Dr. Glico,” Roy said charmingly, shaking her hand.
“Just doing my job. Besides, we all owe that boy a debt that can never be repaid,” she said honestly.
Roy couldn’t help the chuckle that slipped, “Don’t let him hear you say that,” he joked, “He’d throw a right fit for people feeling indebted to him when, in his words ‘I was just doing what any human would do’.” They shared a laugh and she nodded.
“A nurse will be with you as soon as we know he’s not going to immediately crash.” Roy nodded and set himself up for another long wait. He was calmer now but still the antsiness from early hadn’t dissipated all the way.
A while later a nurse finally told him he could see Ed, though he was warned the man was asleep. Roy nodded, the desperation he’d been keeping a tight leash on finally shook it off and was now the leading force in his body. He just hoped that his wild expression could be pawned off as having to be in a waiting room for hours rather than the truth. Riza once more laid a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he was numb to it, brain once more microfocused. He followed the nurse, throat too tight to make conversation, besides all he could think about was Ed and seeing him alive and as well as he could be.
His breath and steps stopped when the nurse pushed open the door. He forced himself to step inside to keep up appearances. Riza covered his back, her eyes sweeping the room. His eyes hungrily looked at the man in the bed. Ed was pale, too pale. A bandage sat on his forehead, his hair was messy and pink with blood. His arm was missing, and he looked so worn. Even in sleep there was an exhaustion to him.
Roy forced himself to look away, put his severe CO mask on. “I need to get his report as soon as possible. Military personal will be posted, let no one but his immediate family and my team know about where he is. Their names are in his file,” He ordered sharply. The nurse nodded and left Roy to it, closing the door behind herself. Riza saluted him and went to follow his implied orders.
She paused right before leaving, laying one hand on his shoulder, “It will be alright, General,” she said softly. Roy nodded but couldn’t force himself to speak, control hanging on by a thread. She nodded and left, closing the door tightly behind herself.
Roy allowed his shoulders to slump as he walked, exhausted, over to the chair beside Ed. “Don’t ever do that again, Ed,” he muttered, collapsing into it. He leaned forward, hand hovering over Ed’s, before he gave into the notion, just this once. He bent over it, pressing the warm skin to his forehead and thanked Truth for the small mercy it had granted them of not taking Edward just yet. He closed his eyes and let himself be lulled by the strong, steady beeping of Ed’s heart.
_____________________________
An hour passed, two hours, but there was no change. Ed’s heart still beat steadily, his breathing, though a little scratchy at times, was also unchoked by coughing. Yet still, the man did not wake. It was almost 4 in the morning. Roy had work in three hours. Roy needed coffee. He didn’t want to leave Ed. He couldn’t leave Ed, not when he almost lost him, not when every breath was precious.
The door was softly opened and Riza poked her head in. She surveyed the room, her eyes pointedly landing on Ed and Roy’s joint hands, before she granted him a soft smile. She pushed into the room, two coffee cups on hand. Roy sagged, a helpless but grim smile twitching across his face.
“Saving me once again, Lieutenant,” he snarked, his voice far rougher than it usually was.
“Someone has to take care of you,” she snarked softly back, handing over his coffee.
Roy switched hands, keeping his other on Ed’s pulse, allowing the steady drum to comfort him. He took the coffee and breathed in deeply. Take a sip of the horrible but strong liquid gold, he sighed. The caffeine already started its work, and he felt a bit more aware, the fuzzy edges of his vision now sharpening as he continued to drink.
They were quiet for a while, sitting in the silence that was an old friend to them. Neither took their eyes off the sleeping blond. “How is he?” Riza whispered after a while.
“Breathing has steadied out; he doesn’t wheeze as much. Heart is as strong as always, and the nurses have been keeping his pain killers coming,” Roy answered.
“He’s not going to like that,” Riza chuckled.
Roy smiled thinly, the strain of the day taking its toll. “No, he won’t,” he agreed. He didn’t take his eyes off Ed’s exhausted looking face. Riza didn’t say anything more. There was no need too. Anything else she could say would be useless platitude; platitudes Roy did not need at the moment. He was in the eye of the storm, allowing the calm to lull him into peace while he still could get it. He didn’t allow himself to think any farther ahead than Ed’s next breath.
The coffee disappeared slowly and right before Riza was about to leave the room to go find them some breakfast, the heart monitor sped up. Roy froze, eyes locked on it. Then he felt Ed shift. His eyes flew to the man on the bed, and he let go of his wrist as if his hand was burned. Ed shifted again, brows furrowing up. His lips smacked together, and his wrist twisted, as if searching for something. Roy didn’t let his thoughts get away from him.
Quickly he grabbed the pitcher by Ed’s bed and poured him a glass of water.
“Wa?” Ed mumbled, then seemed to choke on the words. Roy quickly held the glass to his lips.
“Drink, slow,” he said softly. Ed followed orders for once and drank the water. Take slow careful sips but still some slipped passed the glass and trailed down his neck. Roy did not look. He did not follow the tantalizing trail they made. He focused on Ed’s health and safety. His libido could shut up.
“You’re in the hospital Ed, you’re safe,” Roy said gently when Ed had drunk about half the water. Hawkeye slipped out unseen, allowing the two some much needed privacy.
_________________________
Ed’s brow furrowed even more, and he finally forced his eyes open. Roy sat back, allowing his unaffected mask to slip onto his face. Ed, of course, glared at Roy has if all of this was Roy’s fault. “You look like shit,” was the first words out of his mouth.
Roy couldn’t help it. He burst into relieved chuckles, “And you are looking as gorgeous as ever,” he teased back.
Ed glared harder. “Are we sure you ain’t the one who hit his head?” Ed said, his eastern accent coming in thicker, “Cause I could’a sworn you just flirted with me.”
“I’m simply stating the obvious,” Roy said flippantly, in the way he knew Ed thought he was fucking with him.
Ed glared so hard the frown pulled at his bandages, making him wince but he didn’t let that deter him. “Bullshit, you-you bullshitter,” Ed pointed accusingly at Roy, “you’re trying to trick me! But I see you, I see through your bastardliness.” Ed was extremely high.
Roy’s eyes widened and he couldn’t help the delight that coursed through him. Ed was alright. Ed was safe. Ed was awake and cursing him out. Everything was right again in the world. Roy couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face if he tried.
“I missed the grin,” Ed mused, making Roy freeze, “it’s my favorite look on you, when you’re not been Bastard on High,” Ed smiled loopily at Roy. It was a smile that crinkled his eyes and split his face. It was the smile Roy imagined in his daydream. That smile rooted Roy to the spot.
“I thought about that smile when I was under there,” Ed mused, eyes roving the ceiling, not really seeing it, “thought about a lot of other things too. How shit scared I was, how I needed to make sure ya didn’t know. Didn’t want you more scared than I could help,” he lolled his head back to stare at Roy with wide black pupils, but his stare was just a soul piercing as always.
“Suddenly I thought about all those things I wanted to do but never could,” Ed said, surprisingly lucid.
Roy’s throat was dry. He had to swallow twice to wet it enough to speak, and still his voice came out rough and gravely, “Like what?” he asked.
Ed shivered, as if cold before speaking again, his eyes locked with Roy’s, “Going out for drinking games with Havoc and finally showin’ that Roswell hic what I can do. Poker nights with Breda and maybe actually winning a hand against that cheating bastard.” Roy smiled vaguely, still caught in the spell that was Edward’s eyes, “Trivia night with Falman, seein’ which of us knows the most useless shit. Letting Fuery teach me about his radios. I know the basics so I can fix them, but that guy knows some shit. Watchin’ Hawkeye drink us all under the table. I’d love to see the lieutenant tipsy, that’d be a sight to see.”
“I promise it’s more terrifying than amusing,” Roy joked. Ed grinned at him like he’d done something grand. A laugh escaping him, making all the tired lines and too pale skin disappear under the weight and power of Ed being happy.
Ed’s eyes drifted again, and he looked out the window. His expression turned morose, “I want to see Al get married. I want to kiss you until we both can’t breathe and then do it again. I want to get a cat, though don’t tell Al that. I want to see you at the top. I want to see Miles and The Ishvalan standing at the gates of an Ishval restored.”
Roy felt time stop. While he processed the rest of Ed’s sentence, he’d stopped really listen after that one line. I want to kiss you until we both can’t breathe. He can’t have heard that right. He can’t have. There was no possible way. No possible way that beautiful, courageous, amazing, kind, Edward Elric wanted to kiss him. He couldn’t stop himself.
“Hold on a minute, go back,” he said, eyes wide, locked hungrily on Ed, “you want to kiss me?” he breathed.
“I thought about a lot in that final moment, when I thought I’d die. Al, Mie and Ling, Hawkeye and the team, but most of all you,” Ed looks up to smile at Roy so open it shocks Roy to stillness “I wanted to tell you all the things I was too scared to, tell you how much I love you, how I’ve been in love with you since I was 15 and still so angry at the world. How I want to share myself with you because I know you won’t try to take it. How I know what’s stopping us, but I don’t care, that I know we can figure it out if we just work together. How I’m scared that I’ll lose you; that you walking away after I opened myself up to you would be worse than losing my alchemy.” Ed sighed and smiled a sad little smile.
“I’ve wanted to tell you that the small smile you give me every time I report in makes every shit mission worth it. That every smile, every laugh, every touch I can get from you sets me on fire. That I feel scorched by your eyes, cooked alive by your touch, and blow away by your laugh. I always wonder how you don’t notice, even if I’m happy not to embarrass myself. That the times we’ve shared in your office, just us two, have been some of the best times of my life. I dream about waking up in your house, after a long night getting lost in conversation, not in the guest bedroom, but right beside you in that big four poster of yours. I dream about seeing you, relaxed and comfortable, masks gone for once, the sunlight shining down on you. I feel more at peace in your house, in your company, than anywhere else on earth.”
Ed’s expression had gotten increasingly sad, and it was breaking Roy’s heart. But he was pinned to stillness by Ed’s eyes, only they held his attention, only they held the power to make him move. “When I was trapped under the rubble, just hearing your voice calmed me down. When I could have died at any moment, you made me feel safe, you brought me comfort. I’ve always felt like that. Because even when I was still a kid with so much rage, you made me feel safe. You made the office a place I knew I could be me. I’ve loved you for so long Roy, because you are my home.”
He sighed and before Roy could scramble together his racing though, Ed said one final sentence that threw a lance through his heart, “But I’m too scared to tell you any of that, at least not the real you.” Ed looked toward the window, and within one blink and the next, was back asleep.
Roy sat there. Mind scrambling to catch up. Heart pounding painfully in his chest. Head feeling too full, hands and feet too cold. He didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to think. Ed was . . . was drugged, he was out of it. Ed is high, Maes still teases me about how I confessed to the hospital service dog once, this means nothing. He told himself. But, but all of that, it . . . it sounded too real. What if it wasn’t the drugs? Another part of him whispered and then sent a dizzying combination of heat and cold rushing through him. The thought made him bend over and pull at his hair. What did it mean!?
What was he supposed to do now?
______________________________
After freaking out, Riza holding a gun to him to make him confess what was causing such emotional whiplash, Maes being pulled in and Roy having to re-tell the whole sordid story once again, Roy finally decided the best course of action was the wait until Ed was weaned off the drugs. He could stand a normally drugged out Ed, but a drugged-up Ed that gave love confession that made Roy want to tear his heart out of his chest and give it to Ed? No, that was not healthy for either one of them.
So, he stayed away, much to the grumbles of Maes and the silent glares of Riza. He held strong though. This time allowed him to carefully analyze the situation. What time he wasn’t devoting to his personal affairs, was taken up with the investigation into Ed’s ‘accident’. Riza visited the man ever day, one for company, two to spite Roy, and three to gather his statement as soon as it was possible.
The investigation was slow going not because a lack of leads or suspects, but because of how iron clad they needed this case to be before they present it to the Führer. They were going after a State Alchemist and a General for Truth’s sake. It was only confirmed by Ed later when he was finally awake and aware enough to make a statement. Riza’s glares increased after that.
Roy knew that the rest of the team, as well as Garcia and Elicia, were visiting Ed often. Armstrong had come to ‘inspire Ed’s health’ at least twice, and Maria and Danny had gotten posted as his guards. Apparently, even his mother had dropped by much to his embarrassment. He also knew, through his mother, that Miss Rockbell had been scheduled for three different surgeries this week and couldn’t get away until after she knew her patients were stable. She wouldn’t make it there before Ed was released.
On the seventh day since he’d seen Ed, Riza took drastic measures. She’d held his paperwork hostage.
“Edward is leaving the hospital today,” She said her voice cold, paperwork binders in one arm, gun in the other hand, “You are going to see him today. Do I make myself clear, Sir?” her voice was like ice, giving Olivier Armstrong a run for her money. Roy made a mentally note to not allow those two to become friends.
“You, don’t, want me to do paperwork?” he asked slowly, testing the waters.
The gun safety clicked off. “Your childish antics need to stop. You are hurting him more than that building did. Talk to him. Now.”
Roy wilted, not just because of the threat. He hadn’t meant to hurt Ed. Truly he hadn’t. things had just. . . gotten away with him. He knew that was an excuse, and a pitiful one at that. He closed his eyes and went over his plan one more time. His resolve strengthened. He stood up and swung on his coat. “Thank you, Lieutenant, I shall be back by this afternoon, hopefully.”
Riza nodded, clicked the safety back on, and stepped out of his way.
________________________
“Mustang,” Ed said looking up with wide hopeful eyes, “you’re here.”
“Indeed, I am,” Roy said, sitting down the chair Riza usually sat in, “Forgive me for my absence Edward. After your attack, the office has been rather busy investigating. Your statements have been invaluable as always.”
“Oh, I see. Did you get ‘em yet?” Ed slumped for a second before seeming to shake himself. Roy knew he didn’t believe him, not with the rest of the team able to visit, but until he knew how much Ed knew, until he had some hint at which direction this conversation would go, then he had to allow himself the lie.
“Due process is slow, no matter how we wish for swift justice,” Roy answered.
Ed glared at him a bit. “That’s just eloquence for ‘politics are bullshit’.”
Roy chuckled and crossed his legs, “Politics are, at times, bullshit,” he agreed, making Ed smile. “They tell me you’re getting out today, how are you feeling?” he asked, looking him over carefully, noting the color back in his face, the clean hair, and the gauze on his forehead being replaced with butterfly tape.
“Alright, side aches since they weaned me off the good shit. But I hate how muddled my brain is on it, so I’ll take aches and pains over that shit any day of the week.”
Ed couldn’t have given Roy a better opening. So, he steeled his nerves and took a steadying breath, “Speaking about a muddled brain, you said some rather . . . interesting things while coming up from anesthesia.” Roy watched his expression carefully and saw the flinch before Ed covered it up. So, he does remember, interesting.
“Oh?” Ed said, a slight quaver in his voice.
Roy sighed and sat up straight, looking Ed in the eyes and holding him there, “Edward, I want you to know you are under no pressure to answer or act in a certain way. If what I am saying is untrue or you wish to stop our conversation at any time, I will do so, you need only say.”
Ed swallowed and nodded silently.
“Good. When you were still under the influence, among sharing many wants and wishes for the future you also expressed an . . . affection toward myself. Something that apparently ran deep and long. You indicated it had been going on for quite some time. I have only one question.” Ed gulped, “Is it true? Do you have feelings for me?”
Ed shifted, a blush slowly staining his cheeks and making its way down his neck. He seemed to waffle for a second, unable to keep eye contact before, as if a switch going off, something changed. He sat up straight, winced as it pulled at his stitches, and met Roy stare for stare. “I do.” He said, chin raised and eyes sharp as if daring Roy to break his heart.
The mask Roy had put on to keep distance between himself and the emotionally charged conversation at hand, shattered. He couldn’t even be angry, a helpless smile spreading across his face. Elation sored, his heart fluttered, making it more bird than human. “I’ve been in love with you for at least five years now, Ed,” Roy said softly, reaching forward to take Ed’s hand. He immediately began to rub his thumb over Ed’s hand, making the younger man blush deeply. He bent forward, taking Ed’s hand so it was held gently between both of Roy’s, and laid a kiss on the back of it. Edward turned scarlet.
“Love you too, Bastard,” he mumbled, the insult sounding fond on Ed’s tongue. Roy wondered what else would sound like that coming from Ed. He couldn’t wait to find out.