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Chapter Text

Being Night Court's spymaster was a profession with an abundance of stressful situations but Azriel cannot recall anything more stressful in the last couple of centuries than having Eris visiting Velaris for Winter Solstice.

What is worse it was Azriel's idea to invite him and he wonders what was he fucking thinking when he proposed this to Rhysand and Feyre a few weeks ago.

He probably thought, rather idiotically, that the opportunity was so easy it would be a sin not to take it. Azriel was invited to Autumn for Autumn Equinox, where he helped Eris to orchestrate Beron's very sudden and very deadly demise. Now it was politically excusable to invite a new High Lord of Autumn to celebrate his new reign and flaunt an alliance between courts.

It's clear to him now that he was thinking solely with his cock when he came up with that idea.

He dramatically miscalculated how hard it will be to hide his relationship with Eris in front of his whole fucking family. Hiding it for the last few months has been easy. All their trysts were taking place only in Autumn, where Eris as the High Lord could do whatever he fucking wanted and no one dared to question him. Here, in Velaris, with the whole of his drunken family present and ogling Eris like a new quirky thing, feigning disinterest in his own lover is a new kind of hell.

Eris looks magnificent in his festive well fitted jacket and carefully arranged hair. Alluring. Devastatingly handsome. Absolutely delectable. And Azriel is forced to stand far from him and pretend he doesn't want to pounce him. Convincing his shadows to stay beside him instead of curling around Eris's nimble fingers or slim wrists or freckled ears is a torture. Keeping distance is literally painful.

But he will do it. He will endure it and mope in the corner because sooner or later everyone will scatter and finally he will be alone with Eris. Having him here, in his house, or almost his anyways as House of Wind is technically Cassian's and Nesta's now, for the first time since they started sleeping together is filling him with much more tender feelings that he cares to examine.

So he endures and endures, Eris's brilliant smiles to people that are not him, Rhysand's carefully maintained mask of politeness donned to mingle with other High Lord, Feyre's excessive interest, Cassian's a little too artificial cordiality, Mor's pouting, Amren's snide comments bordering on being rude.

He's a fucking spymaster, he can wait forever.

So he's waiting until the party ends, until everyone's gone to their homes or to their rooms, and then he waits some more, just to be sure. And only when his shadows report that the House of Wind is immaculately silent he dares to go to Eris's designated guest room, on the way hidden in shadows just to be double fucking sure.

And then he makes Eris to put up insane lot of wards so no one will overhear them, just to be triple fucking sure, which is for the best, because Eris is not very prone to being silent when he has Azriel's cock up his ass.

And it was worth it. It was worth everything to have Eris here, in his home, in his arms, where he can pretend they are normal couple that doesn't have to hide in fear of estrangement or exile or whatever form of punishment Rhys and Feyre might come up with when they learn he is sleeping with someone who's essentially an enemy in all things that matter. Having other High Lord on festives in their court might be fine and dandy until they learn that this same High Lord is fucking their spymaster.

That night when he falls asleep, tangled with freckled covered limbs, with auburn hair tickling his nose, he thinks that he never felt as much at home as he feels now.

What wakes him up, regrettably, isn't a blowjob from Eris. It's an offensive knocking.

"Az?" Cassian's voice is muffled through the door or maybe it's his brain that is still dulled from sleep. The sun only just started to rise and this was the deepest and calmest sleep he had in centuries. In the House of Wind, where he feels completely safe, magnified tenfold by the comforting presence of Eris in his arms.

"Yeah?" he tries to sound like he's not guilty of having a secret lover by his side.

"Do you by any chance have someone in your bed?"

Azriel looks at sleep rumpled Eris rousing to sit and peering at him warily. He wants to tell them. He wants them to know. Most of all he wants them to accept it. To accept Eris. But he's not so hopelessly naive as to confuse his longings with reality.

"No," he replies with as much conviction as he can muster at this hour.

"You are in my room you moron," Eris grumbles and Azriel's world shatters around him like the finest china.

He forgot he's in Eris's room, not his own. He shouldn't have responded to Cassian calling his name. How could he possibly be so dumb? Rhysand should fire him as Prythian's dumbest spymaster. Rhysand might fire him anyway, why would he want a spymaster that presumably spills all the secrets in the ear of his high lordly, other courtly lover?

There's a bit of deafening silence where his heart threatens to breach his chest and then he swears he can hear Cassian snicker behind the closed door.

"Are you decent? Can I come in?"

"No." Azriel hopes the answer is sufficient for both questions but Cassian opens the door anyway and beholds the view in front of him: both of them sitting naked on the bed, the rumpled sheets barely covering their legs and hips, Eris's hair mussed, traces of pillow on his cheek.

Azriel feels all of his muscles tensing in anticipation but he doesn't see any disgust or hatred on Cassian's face. Strangely there's only amusement.

"I came to ask if you want to bring Eris to our annual snowball fight."

"Your what?" Eris asks dumbfounded while Azriel is still having a stroke over the reveal.

"Snowball fight. You know, throwing snow at each other?"

"Throwing snow at each other," Eris repeats dumbly which is really unbefitting of a sharp tongued Autumn royal but Azriel is definitely not in the state to mock him for it.

"Yeah, we do this every year after the Solstice. Me, Rhys and Azriel. Lots of fun, you should join."

It's not possible that they have a discussion about fucking snowball fight in the face of this revelation. Its too fucking surreal.

"You're not going to comment on-" Azriel's hand is moving between him and Eris like this explains what's between them better than words which are suddenly stuck in his throat.

"Sure I am." Cassian's voice is unexplainably full of mirth. "Nice abs," he's throwing in Eris's general direction and Azriel bristles instantly.

It's wrong for Cassian to look so freely at his lover's private body parts. He shifts in bed so his torso is partially shielding Eris's nakedness and Cassian snickers again, this time unapologetically in their faces.

"You really thought you could hide something like this from us?"

Azriel really, really thought exactly that.

"It was obvious there was something between you two after your last mission in Autumn. Every meeting since you were looking at him like he was a piece of fresh meat."

Azriel is reasonably sure he only looks at Eris like that in the confines of their private rooms.

"Rhys had an idea to invite Eris here for Solstice in hopes that it will prompt you to finally spill the beans."

"Inviting Eris was my idea."

"Sure it was."

It must be a dream. There's no other logical explanation. But Eris's body seems very real and warm where it touches his under the covers and Cassian also looks like a very real, albeit unwelcome, apparition.

"Does everybody know?"

"All the inner circle, yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why didn't you tell us?" Cassian replies smoothly which promptly shuts Azriel up. He was so afraid. He expected so many things in reaction, none of which was... this.

He's not sure what he should say now. Should he apologize for not trusting them with this? With the truth about himself? Should he say thank you? Thank you for not condemning me for my preferences. For whom I choose to lo-

The L word strucks him unexpectedly and shuts up even his inner thoughts.

"So, what do you say, Eris? Up for a little challenge in the snow?" Cassian is definitely getting too comfortable standing in the doorway, leaning carefree on the frame, talking and smiling like nothing changed, like the world didn't reorient itself on its axis.

"You want me to go and tumble in the snow with all three of you illyrian brutes?"

"Also with Lucien. I might have spontaneously invited him too yesterday."

Judging from the expression on his face Eris doesn't find this as adequate incentive as Cassian thought.

"And we go to the birchin after, you know, to sweat a bit, naked."

"Excuse me?" Eris brows go ever higher than at the mention of the annual snowball fight.

"Absolutely not!" Azriel interrupts, all hackles raised, before Cassian can repeat what he said with even more smug expression. There is NO scenario in which Eris will be seated naked in front of his brothers. In front of anybody, ever. His nakedness is Azriel's and Azriel's only to see.

"Think about it." Cassian has the audacity to wink and then he quickly leaves before Azriel can thoroughly and painfully explain to him what he thinks about this idea.

"You really sit with them naked, every year, with no other reason than 'to sweat'?"

Of all things he thought he would be discussing with Eris after their ruse had fallen, sitting naked with his brothers somehow was not one he anticipated.

"You don't have saunas in Autumn?"

"We have. I remember spending time in them with my previous lovers though, not with my naked brothers."

Azriel definitely doesn't want to hear or remember about Eris's past lovers. More importantly he doesn't want Eris to remember them. And he really, really wishes to never hear the phrase 'naked brothers' again.

"Forget the birchin. We are not going there."

"Why not?" Eris's eyes are full of cunning flames. "I heard all of the Illyrians have large... wingspans. And I have only you to confirm it. It might be my only chance to see with my own eyes-"

Azriel hits Eris in the face with his pillow before he can continue this horrendous topic which magically manages to get more and more horrible with every passing second. After a little afterthought he removes the pillow and replaces it with his own lips sealed on Eris's lips in hopes that it will erase the idea of thinking about his brother's dicks.

The only dick Eris should think about should be Azriel's.

"You fretted so much over telling them and he didn't seem even a little disappointed," Eris manages to say in between kisses.

"You sound disappointed yourself now."

"I expected at least a very dramatic fight. Maybe a little blackmail. Some emotional manipulation. Not Cassian propositioning me to sit with him naked."

"Can we please abandon the topic of sitting naked with anyone?"

"You sound jealous."

"I am jealous."

He probably shouldn't have said that. Do they even do jealousy? Are they at the phase of the relationship where he can be possessive? He's trying to imagine being able to casually put his arm over Eris's shoulders so everyone can see they are together but his brain short-circuits.

"You are going to be insufferable now when you can show everyone in your home that I'm yours aren't you?"

Eris says it in a very matter of factly way and Azriel's heart joins his brain in a short-circuit party.

"Say that again," he doesn't exactly beg but it's a close call.

"Which part?" The burning smugness is back in Eris's eyes.

"You know which part."

Eris raises his hand ever so slowly and puts it on Azriel's face, thumb grazing the cheekbone in the softest display of emotions he ever did.

"I'm yours," he says.

And Azriel believes him.

Chapter Text

When Azriel arrives in front of the Cabin with Eris by his side, Rhys and Cassian are already outside and their slightly snowy clothes suggest that they have started the warm-up early. Rhys levels him with an indescribable look and Azriel suddenly regrets that he didn’t choose to avoid the confrontation for a little longer.

Heart in his throat he looks at Eris trying to discern what he's thinking but Eris is as composed and nonchalant as possible. His face is a perfect picture of relaxed confidence, shoulders straight but not stiff, chin up, eyes on the enemies. Well, probably not enemies anymore, they are a family now, right?

The thought makes him feel a bit hysterical so he abandons it for the time being.

His hand itches to grab Eris's shoulder and pull him close so he balls it forcefully and tries to compose himself. Cat's out of the bag now, it's too late to be nervous, the only thing he can do is own it.

Actually he would very much prefer to really own it, for example by taking Eris hand in his own or kissing him in the cheek or brow or just do anything, really, to show them all that he's not embarrassed. He's not ashamed of his relationship with Eris. He's not ashamed of Eris.

But he's not doing anything of the sorts in fear that this public display of affection would be unwelcome by Eris. Even in Autumn, when absolutely nobody would dare to threaten the High Lord if their relationship goes viral, Eris is very careful with maintaining appearances. He doesn't exactly hide Azriel, but he's not hugging him in courtiers' presence either.

The thought that Eris might pull away from his kiss or take his hand back now, in front of Rhys and Cassian, is unfathomably painful so he just stands there, ramrod straight, not touching Eris at all and waits for the hellfire.

"You look like you arrived at your own execution," Rhysand says and Azriel is not entirely sure if his tone is teasing in a nice way or more hostile way, the way that ends with him banished forever.

"Did I?"

"Execution by snow won't be easy but we can surely try." Cassian is already bouncing a snowball in his hand, the look in his eyes as amused as in Eris's room before. Pity that Rhys isn't sharing this sentiment.

Azriel can read people, he can read people really well, okay? But Rhys's face is purposefully closed and guarded and Azriel cannot say if he’s pissed, or disappointed, or sad, or one step from telling him to go fuck himself to Autumn and don't come back. Certainly he isn't vomiting rainbows and sunshine right now. Cassian's easy approach to the topic made him assume that all the inner circle is fine with the news. He assumed wrong.

"Can you just be out with it?" He snaps and Rhysand raises one eyebrow, the first sign of emotion on his passive face.

"Out with what?"

"With whatever you are hiding behind this mask of indifference right now. Are you angry with me?"

"I'm certainly not happy that my spymaster has been keeping secrets from me."

"Apparently I haven't since you already knew about it."

"I didn't know, I guessed. Cassian only confirmed it twenty minutes ago. Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's not the spy report, it's my personal life. I'm not obliged to tell my High Lord about my relationships."

"I thought I was your brother as well."

The implication that Rhys is the victim here doesn't sit well with Azriel. It sits extremely unwell. He does feel guilty but it's not like he was choking himself with this secret without a good fucking reason.

"You threw a fit when I wanted to pursue Elain. Was I to believe that you will pat my back when I tell you I'm in love with another High Lord?"

There it is. The L world just spilled out of him and he's so fucking angry at himself that he said it now, that it wasn't during private conversation when Eris learned about Azriel's hopeless little feelings.

He must admit though that he doesn't remember Rhys being so bewildered in the last decade and it gives him a little rush of satisfaction. His High Lord probably didn't anticipate any declarations of love on this fine day. How could he when even Azriel didn't anticipate it and it was his traitor mouth that got the best of him.

Cassian is stunned into silence as well but in his case it's not an exactly unusual occurrence. Cassian is sometimes stunned by a particularly appetizing cake. Probably none of them realized how deep Azriel's feelings for Eris go.

Idea of looking at Eris right now fills him with dread but he has to, the alternative of not knowing Eris's reaction to this confession is much much worse, so he dares to look. Numb relief washes over him as he sees that Eris doesn't seem to be angry or shocked or prone to any mocking. There's warmth in his amber eyes and the same warmth fills Azriel's heart to the brim.

He already feels like he threw himself off the cliff and doesn't have anything to risk anymore so he finally lets himself take Eris' hand into his own. Time seems to stretch and his heart thunders in anticipation, half expecting to be rejected, to be considered pathetic and weak, but Eris only squeezes his hand ever so gently.

The gesture feels monumental. It's earth shattering.

"So what, you forgot Elain and found the next most problematic person in Prythian?" Rhys's words interrupt Azriel's epiphany and his mood goes from elated to seething with anger in a nanosecond.

"Yes. That's the only thing I was thinking about when going into this relationship: you and how it will affect you."

"I'm sure you are aware that your choice of partner is not easy to navigate politically."

"You really think I didn't agonize about it for the last few months? But you know what conclusion I reached? I don't care. I'm sorry Rhys. I'm happy. For the first time in gods know how long I am really, truly happy. I won't give that up." The work he had to put into not letting his voice crack at the last sentence is immense but he's relatively sure he managed it.

"I'm not asking you to." Rhys's tone is suddenly much more gentle and now it is Azriel's turn to be stunned.

"Then what are you trying to say?"

"I'm trying to say that I'm disappointed you thought you couldn't trust us with it. It's a very different situation than with Elain. She is mated to someone else.”

Azriel feels a miniscule twitch of Eris's hand and he wishes desperately for Rhysand to stop bringing up Elain. He wishes for himself to go back in time and kick his own ass for the mere idea of mentioning her. What the fuck was he thinking? He doesn't want Eris to feel like he's the second choice. It couldn't be further from the truth but it's probably not the best moment to assure Eris about that.

"I’m not trying to forbid you from having a relationship or being happy,” Rhys continues, oblivious to Azriel's inner turmoil. “It's a political nightmare but I'm sure we can think of something that works for everyone."

"You are not going to fire me from being your spymaster?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Of course not."

“Then I won’t”.

All the fight he had stored inside suddenly leaves him and Azriel feels exhausted and adrift in his own overloaded mind that tries to shut itself to limit the stimuli. Eris’s hand is the only thing tethering him to reality.

Rhys is not going to banish him or punish him. He’s visibly not ecstatic about Eris but he’s not unkind either. He offered to try and make it work and it’s enough. Actually it's everything. It’s everything Azriel was hoping for - to be given a chance.

Some sincere congratulations and best wishes wouldn't be unwelcome either but let’s not push it.

He’s suddenly aware that Eris hasn't said even one word during all this exchange. His presence is steady and comforting but the silence seems uncharacteristic for someone who can decimate people with his charisma. Is he uncomfortable to stand here in front of Azriel’s brothers, while their relationship is being poked at with a stick like a dead carcass?

"Is that your idea of a snowball fight? Standing and looking menacingly at each other?" Lucien materializes out of nowhere, like he suddenly sprang from the box at the slightest mention of his mate.

“Yes, as you can see we are changing the formula this year,” Cassian snorts, throwing the snowball in his hand higher and higher, like he’s itching to put it in someone's face.

Lucien eyes the bouncing snowball warily for a moment and then his gaze goes to Azriel's and Eris's clasped hands. He doesn't seem surprised even one bit and a gnawing suspicion bites Azriel in the ass.

"You knew as well?"

Does everyone fucking knew? When Cassian said ‘the whole inner circle’ Azriel somehow didn’t think that it meant they were discussing his private life with Lucien as well.

"Yes. Well, ah-" Lucien is wincing in Eris's direction and Azriel turns to his lover trying not to stare accusingly.

"You told him?" It comes out extremely accusing.

"Yes.” Eris shrugs unapologetically. “It's not like Lucien would judge us."

"I honestly couldn't care less about who you fuck." Lucien is quick to assure.

Azriel can only stare and stare and stare. He didn’t anticipate the blow coming from this direction.

"Who else did you tell?”

Now, finally, Eris is starting to look a bit guilty.

"I might have told my mother as well."

"You told your mother?"

Eris's eyes become even more shifty and now Azriel is sure they’ve only scratched the surface.

"Who else?" he asks with a sense of impending doom.

"All my other brothers. And my second in command. And my stableboy, he’s a really nosey bastard. And judging by his comments I'm sure my mom informed Helion by now but that's not on me."

The only thing Azriel is capable of doing now is gaping. Eris just went and told half of his fucking court, didn't he?

"You spend a lot of time in Autumn, what was I supposed to tell them? That we are playing chess? Some of them are dumb, but not that dumb."

No. Apparently no one is as dumb as Azriel. He might be the dumbest spymaster ever. He was the only person still thinking that their relationship was a secret, when everyone in Azriel's and Eris's families and probably dozens of other fae talked about it freely with each other during their morning tea.

How are you Helion? Do you know that Azriel is fucking Eris? Oh sure, even my handmaiden knows, yesterday I heard people talking about it at the market…

"I'm not ashamed of you." Eris’s voice is suddenly very serious and something grips Azriel’s heart painfully at the implication that Azriel might be.

"I'm not ashamed of you as well," he says quickly but it doesn't erase this suffocating feeling of guilt. He didn’t exactly behave like someone who is not ashamed. Did Eris feel like he was some dirty secret, worthy only of sweeping under the carpet?

“That’s all very sweet but the snow is going to melt if we will stand here for one fucking minute longer.” Cassian looks like he reached the end of his patience so Azriel packs all his feelings in his pocket and dutifully starts rubbing snow in Cassian’s face. He will talk to Eris later. He will apologize and grovel and do other things to prove that he really cares, that he’s proud and not embarrassed at all. Right now there's a snowball fight to win.

They do manage to have fun in the end. After Rhysand alleviates all his hurt feelings by bombarding Azriel with snowballs, that’s it. Throwing each other face-down in the piles of snow seems to marvelously dissipate all the tensions.

Azriel assumed, again very wrongly, that the fight will be easier to win while having an obvious ally in the field. Eris turned out to be much more of a distraction than anything else though, with his hair mussed, cheeks pink from the frost, snowflakes on his eyelashes. Azriel stopped counting times when he got hit while staring at his lover sometime after twenty.

Usually he would be much more disgruntled to lose a fight but this time he just cannot find the will to care. Not when he gets to sit in the Cabin's huge bathtub, soaking in the hot water, while having naked Eris relaxing between his thighs and leaning on his chest. They did give up on the birchin in favor of this and he cannot possibly be more pleased and satisfied.

“I seem to recall you bragging about usually winning the snowball fight.” Azriel’s satisfaction seems to ebb away a little with Eris’s quip.

“You were distracting me.”

“I did nothing of the sort.”

“You very much did.”

“Care to say what exactly I did?”

“You were looking pretty.”

Eris snorts and lets his head fall back to Azriel’s shoulder and Azriel distracts himself by stroking Eris’s wet hair out of his forehead and feeling blissful about the fact that he can.

"My mother wants to meet you, you know. She's still a bit nonplussed about this whole strangling me at the High Lords meeting so you will probably have to say that you're sorry but other than that she's overjoyed that you are making me happy."

"Am I?"

"Didn't you notice that as well?"

This reminds Azriel just how dumb he is when it comes to things pertaining to relationships. He probably should have just talked with Rhys at the beginning of things and spared himself months of torment and Eris months of thinking that somebody is ashamed of him.

“I’m not ashamed of you,” he tries again, though he very much doubts that the damage can be reversed just as easily.

"I never thought you were. And just so you know, I love you too."

The words make Azriel much warmer than the hottest bathwater ever could and he closes his arms around Eris’s shoulders a little tighter.

"I'm sorry I said it first in front of everyone".

"I don't mind. I'm sorry that I told everybody about our relationship and didn't inform you.”

“Why didn't you?”

“You didn't seem to be ready. I didn't want to force you or rush you into anything but I had to talk with someone or I would go crazy. And maybe, just maybe, I wanted to brag to everyone interested that I managed to snatch the great Night Court’s Shadowsinger for myself.”

Azriel hides his snort in Eris’s hair.

"The great Night Court’s Shadowsinger is all yours.”

“Good.”

Good. Yes, that’s the word, it’s all good now. Azriel finally feels truly peaceful and truly relaxed, without the stress of hiding this relationship constantly gnawing at his consciousness. He could very well stay here forever, closed in a small, cozy space with Eris in his arms, a little tired after physical workout, but not tired enough not to start something more. They are both already naked after all, it seems like a wasted opportunity not to utilize it.

“How awkward do you think it is for Lucien to sit there with your brothers, naked?” Eris asks and promptly shuts all of Azriel’s thoughts about physical intimacy.

“It's very concerning that you keep circling back to this subject.”

“You will have to take me there some year, to alleviate my curiosity.”

“Over my dead body.”

He will sooner level the birchin with the ground. All the birchins in the Night Court in fact.

“What exactly do you think will happen when your brothers see my naked body? They are both mated. To females.”

“Yeah and I don't recall them showing their naked partners all around just because they are already mated.”

“Are you sure? Because I remember Feyre being practically naked the last time you officially visited the Court of Nightmares.”

The idea of Eris ogling Feyre's almost bared body is raising all his hackles all at once. It’s almost as bad as the cursed topic of his naked brothers.

“What are you trying to achieve with this discussion?” Azriel asks darkly.

Eris raises his proud chin with studied nonchalance and smiles serenely.

“I’m trying to get you mad with jealousy so you will fuck me in this bathtub.”

Azriel doesn't have to be told twice.