Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

And when our worlds they fall apart

When the walls come tumbling in

Though we may deserve it

It will be worth it

(Martin Gore, Depeche Mode)

Chapter Text

Laughter echoed through the woods so loud, a bunch of birds startled and flew away. The sun shone through the leaves and the rays meeting Aaron’s bare skin felt like a warm kiss. He started running towards the edge of the cliff and with everything he had he jumped off. Stretching out his arms and closing his eyes, he felt weightless for a blissful moment, flying, free like a bird. Then he hit the surface of the lake and dove into the water, the coldness a shock to his system. When he came up again, he gasped for air and met the wild grin of his best friend who had jumped a moment before him. 

Robert let out a war cry and lunged forward to duck him, but Aaron knew him too well and had seen it coming and he used the momentum to give it right back as good as he got. Both boys fought for the upperhand, cackling and screaming, spluttering and panting. 

“Truce?” Aaron offered when he felt strength leaving his body.

Robert stopped struggling against the hold Aaron had on him, nodded and sighed. “Truce.” He relaxed in Aaron’s arms and for a moment they were just floating and holding each other, Robert’s body like a warm sanctuary in the chilly water. Then Robert smiled and swam back to the shore, where they had put their clothes earlier.

Aaron followed him reluctantly, partly glad for the break, but also not willing to leave the water quite yet. The sun was already lowering and they both knew what it meant. It was getting late. 

It was always getting late. 

When Robert stepped out of the lake, naked like on the day he was born, the droplets sparkled on his body and Aaron tried not to stare, but he certainly did look. Swimming was something they had been doing for years, since they were little and all of this had started, but lately Aaron couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was different. It felt different now. 

Robert sat on his raiment and since they had no cloth, they had to wait for the air to dry them. By the time Aaron joined him at the bank, his best friend was already shivering and his blue lips trembling. Bless, Robert never liked being cold. It was something that had amused Aaron for years, but nowadays his instinct told him to offer solace instead of wit. 

He put his arm around Robert’s shoulders and his mate quickly pressed against his side, sighing quietly. “Thanks.”

It was good, sitting like that in silent companionship. 

After a little while, when the refreshment of their bath was already wearing off and Aaron started sweating again, Robert asked with a quiet voice: “Tell me about your day.”

And Aaron did, he always did. He spoke about his work, his master, the village life, a bit of gossip here, a little anecdote there. Aaron wasn’t a good story teller by any means, but for some reason Robert enjoyed listening anyway. He rarely offered anything in return, because it made him uncomfortable and Aaron respected that. Robert’s life wasn’t something they mentioned on the regular. By the time he finished, the sun was already hidden behind the trees, the shadows getting longer with every breath they took. 

Eventually Robert sat up and Aaron’s arm slid off his shoulder, leaving him longing for the lost touch. 

“When will I see you again?” he asked when they both put on their blouses. 

Robert’s face darkened and that did not bode well. Aaron felt his stomach sinking before his friend answered. “If I only knew... I apologise, Aaron, it’s… it’s just…” Robert made a sound of frustration. “In 3 weeks perhaps?”

“I understand,” Aaron said and he truly did, but the prospect of not seeing Robert for that long was like a heavy blanket around his shoulders, a constant pressure on his body, suffocating. “I will be here,” he promised and smiled although he didn’t feel it. 

Robert paused before he pulled up his breeches. “I will try to make it, I swear.”

“I understand,” he repeated and turned away to hide his face from his friend. The light atmosphere from earlier feels tainted now and Aaron hates that he ruined it with his question, but he had to ask. Not knowing was even worse. 

Stepping in front of him and placing a hand on Aaron’s arm, Robert sought his eyes. “Aaron…” he started, sounding tense and Aaron waited for him to go on, but only silence followed. 

He read it though, in Robert’s eyes, where he was met with the same emotion, the same sadness and longing.

They were best friends after all and the meetings with Robert were counted among the happiest times of Aaron’s life. Robert had never confirmed it, but Aaron suspected it was mutual. He hoped so.

Three weeks sounded an awfully long time and Aaron missed his mate already although he was still right in front of him, staring at him with wide, green eyes. He tried to shake the silly sadness of, focus on the present instead, but he didn’t entirely succeed. 

“I see you,” he bidded their usual farewell. 

Robert pulled him into a hug. “I see you.” His breath was hot against Aaron’s neck. 

He hugged him back and wished for time to slow down, a foolish thought, but it was there nevertheless.

It was just like their friendship. Foolish.

Aaron watched how Robert rode off and disappeared on Caesar’s back behind the trees and stones, then he shoved his hands in the pockets of his trousers and walked in the other direction. The path was familiar and his thoughts got carried away easily, thinking back to the first encounter with Robert, right at that very lake.

It had been a warm spring day, like today, and Aaron remembered how utterly bored he had been. At 8 years, he had been too young to work, too poor for education and too much of an outcast for other children to play with him. His mother had been busy in the brothel and Aaron still felt the stab in his heart when that hateful child James Tate had told him with a patronising smirk what a brothel was and Aaron had to learn that it was, in fact, not a tavern like he always had assumed. He had ran off that day, aimless, just running until he had reached the lake. Actually it was a pond rather than a lake, but Aaron had never seen that much water in his whole life ever! And he’d been stunned with how beautiful this little hidden spot in the middle of the woods was. His next move had been completely stupid and reckless and Robert did not get tired to remind of the fact. Aaron had gone in, without being able to swim. In his defence, in his inexperience he hadn’t been aware of the dangers and when he had been taking one step after another on the muddy ground, he had reached a drop off and lost his footing. What had followed was a blur and Aaron still had no memory of the incident, but according to his friend, he had been basically drowning if Robert hadn’t shown up. It was a coincidence, based on the fact that Robert, just like Aaron, had run off albeit for entirely different reasons. Robert had saved him, had taught him to swim and had been a part of Aaron’s life ever since. 

That was 8 years ago and meeting was a lot easier back then. He sighed, missing those lighter childhood days. 

It took some time to get back to the village and by the time Aaron reached the first house, his stomach already growled. On his way along the main street, he greeted a few villagers who crossed his path and some nodded back at him. It was progress. There had been times where grown ups hardly looked at him at all.

Chas Dingle’s bastard was a nobody.

But Aaron was hardworking and good in what he did and one by one they slowly seemed to acknowledge it. 

The blacksmith’s house was at the end of the road and the black smoke emerging through the chimney indicated that Eric was still working. The cottage was divided in two parts. On the left side was the working area with the fireplace, the tools and the anvil. The right side had an extra entry that led to Eric’s kitchen and bedroom. Aaron steeled himself already for the inevitable confrontation and pushed the door open.

Only wearing his leather pinafore to his trousers, Eric stood with a grim expression at the fire, holding and turning a glowing piece of metal with his pincers.

It was the same situation every time, every time he ran off to meet Robert. Aaron had been working for Eric since he had reached his 12th year and although his master must be somewhat used to this behaviour by now, he still disciplined Aaron hard, well knowing that Aaron would put up extra effort in the following days to make up for it. 

Today was no different. Aaron got a whipping of 10 and only soup instead of bread before Eric sent him off to the tiny chamber above the kitchen. 

He took out a stone and scarred another little line in the wood under the hay of his bedding. Another day finished. And with every next line he got closer to meeting Robert again. 1 week were 7 lines, his friend had taught him.

His stomach was still rumbling and his back stung when he finally laid down, thinking it was worth it. 

He had to remind himself that it was a blessing Eric took him in. He was grateful for his master‘s help, but Aaron wasn’t blinded. Eric was getting old and suffered due to his aching shoulder or his stiff knee. These days Aaron was doing most of the work and the meagre wage Eric handed him, besides a daily meal and a roof above his head, was basically an insult. 

Aaron miserably stared at the few pennies in his hand.

“Master,“ he started, “about the wage…“ He swallowed.

Eric narrowed his eyes. “What about it?“

“I was wondering, if you…“ Aaron felt his palms getting sweaty and he turned the money over in them. He never had begged for anything before and now his pride constricted his throat and the words got stuck.

“Just get it out already, boy!“ Eric said impatiently.

“I was wondering if you could pay me more,“ Aaron rushed out. “I finished the armour and I attached horseshoes for 20 horses last week and the swords I made you have sold to a noble and-”

“Enough!“

His mouth snapped shut and for a horrible moment Aaron feared he might get another whipping, but his master only stared at him.

“I gave you work when no one else would take you. I gave you a home when no one else did,“ Eric listed off and Aaron lowered his eyes as he nodded along. He knew what was coming and frustration rose in his belly. “I offered you help although you were only Chas Dingle‘s bastard . People called me names for helping you out, boy, did you know that?“ Eric said and made a pause until Aaron shook his head. “Of course you didn‘t, there is a lot you don‘t know.“ Eric‘s cold eyes burned on his skin and Aaron wanted to scream out his anger. “This is how my efforts are being thanked. Well, if my wage is not good enough for a bastard, you‘re free to leave.“ Eric spread his arms and gestured for Aaron to walk out of the smithy, then he laughed. A sound that was going to haunt Aaron in his dreams tonight. “See for yourself who would hire you and provide for you!“

Eric laughed at him once more and turned around to the fire. Aaron was obviously dismissed. Although he didn’t get a whipping this time, it sure felt like one. Or even worse.

He climbed the ladder to his chamber, blinking away hot tears of fury when he pulled out the little leather sack from under the hay and put the coins inside. 4 years he’s been Eric’s ‘boy’ , 4 years of doing every chore the old man dumped on him. 4 years of bread and soup every evening. And it was still so little in the sack. Aaron stared miserably at the silver coins. He wasn’t going to achieve anything like that. He’d be here until Eric bit the dust. 

For a moment he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly, sickness rose from his belly and Aaron had to go on all fours and close his eyes until the nausea faded. He sat up again and tried to clear his head. 

After a few minutes he got up and went back downstairs to do the metal fittings the new family in town needed for their barns. In all his life, Aaron hadn’t learnt anything other than keep going. So he kept going. There was no time to be sad or to bemoan his destiny. He simply couldn’t afford to. 

Using the water in the bucket he got earlier from the only font in the village, Aaron did his best to clean his sweaty, sooty face. He missed the lake and the feeling of being clean and fresh. In his everyday life that was something he only dreamt of. It had to do. He sighed, grabbed the bag and got up.

“I’m going to the Barton’s now!” he announced.

Eric didn’t even look up from where he was layering the wood next to the fireplace. “Hurry, there is more to chop outside.”

It would behove to bid his master goodbye before leaving, but Aaron just slid out of the cottage and walked as quick as he could. He inhaled the air, a boon after spending so many hours in the hot and sticky smithy. 

Butler’s farm was rather huge and a bit outside of the village. Aaron heard John Barton, the patriarch, inherited the land from his uncle. The backstory was tragic, Aaron thought. The former owner had children of his own, six to be precise, when his wife had died in childbirth. Later he had lost 3 children in wars, 1 got arrested and the other 2 were daughters who got wedded elsewhere and had children of their own. The old Brian Addyman had died all alone from a weak heart, the villagers had said. It showed in the state of the farm. The estate was run down, there were holes in the roofs and weed grew everywhere. 

Maybe the Barton’s could make something of it. Aaron spotted the patriarch first as he was working a door with a hammer. He greeted the man and showed the metal work he’d done, breast swelling with pride when John Barton praised him for it. 

“This is good work, son,” he said. “Tell your master that.”

Aaron quietly exhaled and lowered his eyes. Eric had touched the pieces Aaron put in hours of work not even once. 

“I will do, Mister Barton,” he replied anyway. 

John paid him what he and Eric had agreed on earlier this week and not a penny extra. Aaron had been hoping for a little extra, if not for his work than for the delivery at least. A few people had done that in the past, but apparently Barton was too stingy for that. 

A woman stepped out of the house, with long black curls and big, dark eyes. It could only be John Barton’s wife.

“Have you eaten, boy?” she asked after she greeted him with a heavy Scottish accent.

Aaron’s growling stomach at the mention of food was answer enough and she laughed. 

“Come inside, then.”

Unsure, Aaron glanced at the patriarch, seeking his agreement. When the man nodded, Aaron hurried to go after the woman who introduced herself as Moira as soon as they were inside the cottage. 

These people didn’t know who he was yet and Aaron reckoned they’d regret inviting him in as soon as they found out, but for now he wasn’t one to decline a free meal. 

The house was small and the light was dim, but the kitchen smelled heavenly of herbs and the prospect that the food tasted as good as it smelled made his mouth water. A girl about his age stirred the pot and she gave him a curious once over.

“This is my oldest, Holly and over there is my youngest, Hannah,” Moira said and pointed towards the open door to the living room where Aaron saw the girl sitting on a chair and knitting. 

“I’m Aaron.”

“Hello Aaron,” Holly said and smiled at him. “It’s nice getting to know new people.”

Moira ushered him to take a seat and while Aaron still tried to catch up with what was happening, he already had a bowl of hot, steaming food in front of him. He wasn’t used to such a treatment and didn’t know what to make of it, but Lord, did this meal look so good! 

“Go on,” Moira gestured for him to grab the fork. “We already had ours.”

She didn’t need to tell him twice. Aaron gulped the potatoes and vegetables down without really chewing, relishing how they filled him. 

“Sweet Lord, boy, when was the last time you ate?” Moira asked bewildered and Aaron froze and lowered the fork in shame. 

His lack of manners had shown in an embarrassing way. Eric had told him often enough he was more scoffing than eating. 

“I’m sorry,” he said and hoped they wouldn’t kick him out on the spot. There was still something in the bowl and Aaron prayed they’d let him finish first. He hadn't had such a meal in… ever. “It is… uh… it is really good.” And then he added “ma’am”, not sure how to address her correctly. 

“Not a ma’am,” she corrected him, but she laughed so Aaron didn’t feel entirely stupid. “Moira,” she reminded him and then leaned down to pinch his cheek. “You’re way too thin, Aaron.” Her expression got serious when she looked him straight in the eyes. “Does your mother not cook for you?”

Words got caught in his tight throat. “My mother, she…” He coughed. “My master lets me stay at his house.” It was a vague answer, but Aaron didn’t want to talk to these strangers about his mother being a whore at the brothel. 

It appeared Moira didn’t need to know more, because she nodded and straightened. “Finish, then.”

He did as he was told, because if anything Aaron was good at obeying orders. 

It was the day of the 7th line after he last met Robert when the villagers got completely insane. 

The word of the big parade had spread weeks ago already and had gotten everyone excited, but today was the actual day of the event and Aaron saw the flag of the kingdom waving in the soft wind in front of every house. Women swept the street and men dressed in their finest clothings. 

Aaron had cleaned his trousers and blouse as best as he could, but some stains wouldn’t vanish and Eric gave him a disapproving look. It tainted his anticipation, but Aaron refused to let it drag him down.

Not long after he and Eric had soup for lunch, they heard hooves and a trumpet. It was the vanguard of the King, announcing his quick arrival. Aaron went outside, his heartbeat speeding up with every breath he took and stood at the side of the main road along with the other villagers and waited. 

“Hello, Aaron!” a female voice startled him. 

“Oh, hello,” he said when he recognised Holly Barton. 

Her family stood a few steps further down the road so she must have approached him on purpose which was kind of strange. Aaron wondered if she and her family had already heard stories about the villagers. Stories about him and his mother. People were gossips, especially when beer loosened their tongues. 

“Are you excited to see the King?” she asked and her eyes sparkled.

“Well… yeah.” Aaron smiled despite the blatant lie he just spoke.

He was excited, but surely not for the King, a man who could rot in hell for all Aaron cared for. A man who only showed up every other year with his pompous parade as if his lack of interest in his villages was worthy of celebrating. The only thing the King was interested in was getting the taxes from those who worked hard to earn a day’s living. The taxes that made Eric even more grumpy than usual and whip flying extra hard in consequence. 

No, Aaron wasn’t excited to see the King. Not at all. 

Noise arose and people at the far end of the village started cheering. The King’s carriage must be close. Aaron shifted on his feet impatiently, silently cursing himself for choosing the wrong spot because with his current position he had to wait extra long until the convoy would pass. He craned his neck and got on his tiptoes to get a better look.

The King’s guard was riding at the head of the parade. Their armours were shiny and pristine, a nice work from the royal blacksmiths Aaron thought, and their horses wore head-collars in the colours of the palace. Green and Yellow, representing the Dales and the sun. People waved and children screamed with glee, but the soldiers never looked to the side for even one second. Behind them, Aaron already spotted a glimpse of the golden carriage that carried the King. It almost blinded him when the sunlight reflected on the polished metal. It seemed to take an eternity for the convoy to come closer and when it finally did, Aaron heard people shouting that they spotted the Princess next to her father.

Victoria had been too little the last parade and rarely anybody outside the palace had ever seen her.  

Aaron didn’t care if she was in the carriage or not. He didn’t care for the King lazily waving at his citizens. 

All he did care about was the horse behind the carriage. Or well, the horseman on its back. The Crown Prince was sitting up straight and proud, rolling his hips with an easy elegance and smiling gracefully at the cheering crowd.

“He’s so handsome in his uniform,” Holly whispered next to him.

Everybody bowed their heads when the royal family passed them and Aaron did the same. He peaked up though, couldn’t stop himself from doing so, and he met Robert’s eyes.

He truly was handsome in his green and yellow garment, although Aaron preferred him wearing maroon. 

Chapter Text

He saw Aaron immediately. Robert was sure he’d spot him in a much bigger crowd as well if necessary. The unruly mob of brown curls and those striking blue eyes stuck out. To him, at least.

As soon as they locked eyes a knot in his stomach loosened. It’s been one week since their last meeting and Robert missed his friend dearly. He wished with every fibre of his being he could just run off with him into the woods right then and there. Being with Aaron was as easy as breathing and it was only then Robert felt alive and thriving. 

Reality meant he was parading for the foreseeable future as his father aimed to visit all the villages of his kingdom. Reality meant he was surrounded by the royal guard, shielding him. Trapping him. Reality meant he was sweating under his thick and scratchy uniform and he could feel the rash on his legs getting more agonising with every move Caesar made under him. 

Reality meant he was smiling nevertheless. 

Robert was always smiling. He was told to smile since he was a toddler, so he smiled. He was the Crown Prince and his father never got tired of reminding him: “You look pretty and friendly, son, you make them like you, to respect you. A loyal folk is a good folk, they will pay whatever taxes you aim to rise once you’re their King.”

It was about the taxes, the money, the power, always, Robert had learnt that early on. 

King Jack was a smart sovereign, everybody amongst the nobles said so. With his diplomacy he had kept the kingdom out of wars for decades now and he had continued to loosen the laws for men, like now they were allowed to wed a second time if their first woman had died in childbirth. 

Of course, King Jack had renewed the law mostly for his own benefit, because his first wife had died after birthing Victoria and he had wanted to wed again and he couldn’t be the exception of his own laws, even if he was the King. 

Of course, the same rules didn’t apply for women. “The women, Robert,” his father used to say with a warning undertone, “be aware of the women. They are smart and can wrap men around their little fingers and hold their power over them. A man’s judgement never should be clouded by a woman’s influence.”

The men were the ones to make politics, to reign, to work and to provide for their family. The women were meant to birth children and raise them to be good citizens. Good tax payers. 

Everybody had their role in society, the place God chose for them, Jack used to say. And Robert’s role right now was to smile, even though the knot in his stomach returned as soon as they passed Aaron. 

Everyone wanted to get a look at the royal family and King Jack, in an act of generosity, allowed it every other year when he decided to visit every village in his country. To please the people, to keep them satisfied. 

And so the parade went on. Whether Robert wanted it or not.

After they had left Emmerdale, they continued their ride through the forest and Robert finally allowed the smile to slip off his face. It was the third day of their journey and ten more were to come, the prospect alone was enough to make Robert want to scream in frustration. 

“You look tired, brother.”

Robert looked over at Andrew who rode at his left side. “Aren’t you?”

They weren’t brothers by blood. Technically they were cousins, as Andrew was the son of Robert’s stepmother’s sister. He had lost his parents in a tragic fire accident when he was a child and Lady Sarah and King Jack had taken the orphan into their care. Andrew was the person Robert spent the most time with, since they both attended the same education, but their roles were always clear: Robert was the Crown Prince and Andrew might be his consultant. If Robert decided it’d be like that once he was King. He knew it was what his father expected from him.  

King Jack loved Andrew. Andrew was perfect in every way, loyal to the bone, worshipping the man who saved him from the orphanage. Andrew followed every order without questioning it, he just did as he was told. He’d go to war for his King. He’d die for him. 

“No, I like parading.”

Of course he did. The answer didn’t surprise Robert in the slightest. Andrew was the kind of person his father loved. 

And Robert wasn’t. 

Because Robert wasn’t perfect, he questioned lots of his father’s decisions and although he didn’t voice his own thoughts out loud, King Jack sensed his recalcitrance and his father never dealt well with that. And also, the running off, that had caused so many fights between father and son. Of course it didn’t go unnoticed that Robert escaped the thick walls of the castle every other week and disappeared God knows where. Even though King Jack had ordered more guards to keep a closer eye on the Crown Prince and even though some of them had followed him or at least tried to, but Robert had always managed to shake them off on Caesar’s back. The meetings with Aaron were worth the hassle. 

“It is good to see the people,” Robert said diplomatically. 

What he really meant was it was good to be out of the castle, a place that constantly seemed to suffocate him with all the grey stones, heavy walls, long hallways and echoing rooms. In contrast, the nature was welcoming with all its colours and smells and sounds. Robert loved being outside and so he tried to see the positive side of parading. Although he very much preferred to gallop across the fields than to ride at snail’s pace and smile all the time. 

“It is.”

Every conversation with Andrew felt stiff and this was no exception. No matter how much time they spent together, the two of them would never be close. Their minds were just too different and it seemed like both kept their cards close to their chests. Robert did not share his true thoughts with his brother, that much was certain. 

The coachman yelled a command for the convoy to stop and a moment later, Victoria hopped off the carriage and stretched herself. 

“The seats are so uncomfortable,” she moaned loud enough for everyone to hear. “I want to ride like Robert and Andrew!”

Robert snorted quietly and shook his head at his sister’s antics, especially since she knew well enough that she would never ride on a horse, not as long as their father had a say.

“You will not get on a horse,” Jack said sternly  and looked down at her from his spot in the carriage.

“But I want to!”

Bless, Victoria was a rebel like Robert. That was probably why he loved her so much.

“You will not!” The King eventually raised his voice and the guards on Robert’s and Andrew’s side shifted on their horses, not keen on witnessing the episode unfolding.

“Why not?” Victoria crossed her arms.

“You know very well why!” It would not take much more for the King to lose his already thin patience completely.

Because women weren’t allowed.

Because that was just how it was. How it always had been. Women were not supposed to ride, to do manual labour, to earn their own money, to have social contact without their spouse’s agreement.

Women also weren’t allowed to carry the crown. Even when Robert died one day, the crown would go to his first born son and not to his sister. 

Everybody had their place and Victoria’s place was to look pretty, wear beautiful dresses, wed a noble once she came of age and bear children. Robert’s heart ached for his sister, who was still too young to understand the full extent of her destiny. She still had that rebellious streak, but the King was determined to break her. She would submit to her purpose one day and fulfil what was expected from her. She had to.

They all did. 

When the sun lowered, they stopped again and the servants built up the royal tents and their beddings for the night. The guards formed a circle around their camp, their eyes constantly looking at the woods, as if there was severe danger out there other than the occasional boar and a few squirrels. 

Robert was fairly sure the common people in the villages were too poor, not properly armoured and certainly not trained in sword fighting to raid the royal camp, but King Jack trusted no one and felt only safe in the constant presence of his guards. 

When the night arose and everyone went into their tent, it didn’t take long for Robert to hear the rustling when Victoria slipped into his bed. She missed their stepmother, who had to stay in the castle for safety reasons, because she was with child and the doctors had said she needed to rest. Robert held her close and it seemed the only way she would settle at night. 

“Robert?” she whispered and he hummed in response. “When we are back in the castle… will you let me ride Caesar?”

He chuckled and kissed her head. It was so typical for her to ask that after the tantrum she had thrown earlier. “Father will not be pleased when he finds out…” he replied, smirking.

Victoria sighed. “So, will you?” she demanded.

“Course I will.”

It was the ever so tiring cycle of riding, smiling, riding, resting during the night and repeating the following day. For the first time in years Robert was looking forward to getting back to the castle. 

Partly because he missed his stepmother and wondered how she and the child were doing. Partly because he missed his own bed. Partly because his legs were sore and no matter how much ointment he put on the rash on his thighs, it still was getting worse. Partly because he wanted to get out of that uniform and put on one of his tunics that allowed him to breathe easier. 

Yes, those were all valid reasons. But deep down, the true reason was another. The reason had dark curls and blue eyes and a sassy wit.

Robert threw himself into the arms of his best friend, the sheer relief of the fact that Aaron was here, waiting for him like he had promised made his knees tremble. 21 lines Robert had carved on the inside of his leather belt, the only place where it seemed safe enough to count the days without rising an interrogation by his father. 21 days instead of the usual 7, and Robert pressed his nose against Aaron’s neck to inhale that familiar scent of sweat, grime, fire and smoke. 

“Aaron.”

His friend hugged him back with the same intensity and that’s how they stood in the shadows at the edge of the lake. It was too good to let go, that relaxation Robert felt when the tension bled out of his body. He sagged against Aaron and let out a quiet sigh. 

“You must be exhausted.”

Aaron understood him, always. Better than his own brother ever would. “I thought it would never end,” he confessed and Aaron’s chest vibrated against his, when his mate laughed. 

“I bet.”

Eventually they broke apart and Robert took the opportunity to have a proper look at Aaron. “You look-” He stopped himself. “You put on weight.” 

It was true, but it wasn’t what he wanted to say originally. Aaron’s cheeks were fuller and more rosy than usual and the blouse that had used to hang casually was now fitting tighter. 

Aaron looked good. He looked good.

“Yeah?” his friend smiled and looked down at himself. “A new family moved to the village and the mother… she seems to like me?” He sounded unsure when he said it. “I dunno. She gives me food sometimes.” Aaron shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers and looked like he was embarrassed. 

Robert knew his master didn’t allow him much food and was always complaining how much Aaron would eat and diminish his stock. This Eric was way too hard with Aaron and not treating him right, it made Robert’s blood boil. His friend deserved better than that. 

“That is kind,” he said and they sat on the ground. 

“It is. Her name is Moira. She has children our age. One daughter is a bit closed off, but Holly and Adam are nice,” Aaron told him and his blue eyes sparkled with a glint of happiness. “I met them when I did some metal work for their farm and their patriarch was so pleased with it, he came to the smithy and ordered more parts for their barns and the house.” The pride was audible in his voice and Robert’s heart swelled in his chest.

“See? I always told you you are good,” he said with a smile, one that was genuine, one that did not hurt his cheeks although this time it actually reached his eyes. 

Aaron had shown him some of the works he had done in the past. Horseshoes, tools, rings, and Robert had immediately seen the talent his mate had. 

“You have to say that, you are my friend.” Aaron grinned and shoved him slightly. 

“You are going to be a fantastic blacksmith, well-known beyond the village borders,” Robert insisted earnestly and Aaron paused to stare at him, the joyful expression slowly dying on his face, replaced by something Robert couldn’t quite read.

He quickly averted his friend’s gaze and cleared his throat, wondering if he said something wrong. He didn’t know what though, because it was the truth. 

Aaron didn’t say anything back, silence stretched between them and for the first time it felt awkward. Usually, he enjoyed even the silent moments with Aaron, the mere presence of the other boy enough to put him at ease, but now he was restless. There was a weird tension in the air he didn’t like. He had to say something to break it.

“Victoria wants me to teach her riding,” he blurted out the first thing that sprang to his mind. 

It had the effect he aimed for, because Aaron laughed in disbelief and shook his head. “From what you told me about her, I am not surprised. And, are you doing it?”

“The King is not going to be amused, so what do you think?”

“I am thinking you are doing it,” Aaron said with a mischievous smirk.

“You bet I am,” Robert confirmed and they both laughed. 

“My Crown Prince, the rule breaker.” Aaron gave him another amused look before he got up. “Come on, l want to swim.” He started pulling off his blouse.

Robert followed his example and his heart beat wildly as he stripped out of his clothes. 

His Crown Prince, Aaron had called him. 

His body flushed hot as if was in fever and Robert couldn’t wait to get into the lake for the water to cool him down. And when Aaron waded in right in front of him, Robert let his eyes wander over his broad, freckled shoulders, his muscled back - where a few bruises bloomed from Eric’s latest ‘disciplinary treatment’ and Lord did Robert hate that man so much for it - down to Aaron‘s arse. 

Robert was a rule breaker. He had been since the day he had met Aaron.

Chapter Text

Aaron loved Spring and Autumn - Summer, however, Summer was plain torture. It got unbearably hot at the smithy and Eric drew himself more and more back to let him do the hard work at the fireplace. Sweat was running down his body, stripped as bare as possible, but there was no chance to cool off. Daydreaming of the lake was all he had, since he still had to carve 3 more lines into the boards under his hay until he would see his friend again. 

There was an ache in chest lately he could not describe, but it grew with every day and only seemed to vanish when he met Robert. All he knew was that he missed Robert and he felt better when he was with him. 

Aaron put the iron aside and wiped away the beads from his forehead, longing for a day where he could just lay down and sleep without a worry in his mind. He was so tired. That it wasn’t even noon only made it  worse. Because he was tired and hungry.  

All in all, he was miserable. 

The door opened and instead of a gentle breeze a gush of hot summer air swept, firing up the blaze even more. Aaron groaned, but the sound died on his tongue when he saw Holly Barton walking in. He had not expected her today.

“Hello Aaron,” she said cheerfully. 

“Hello Holly.”

“My ma sent me. She is inviting you to eat with us.”

It still felt strange, the thoughtfulness Moira showed him. The Barton’s had to know who he was by now, they moved here moons ago. And yet, they kept inviting him over every now and then. 

Aaron made a quick business to clean his face, but Holly only laughed at his fruitless attempts and he splashed water in her direction in revenge which made her squeal and giggle. The noise must have awoken Eric, because Aaron’s master suddenly appeared in the smithy, looking grim. 

“What is going on,” he demanded to know, “are you wasting water, boy?” He looked at the puddles on the floor. “That means you’re carrying an extra bucket later.” Eric only noticed Holly when he looked up and his posture slightly softened at the sight of the girl. “Miss Barton.”

“Mr Pollard,” she greeted him back with a sweet smile and made a weird looking curtsy.

Aaron tried to hide his laughter behind a cough.

“I am taking your boy for lunch,” she announced and Aaron tensed, fully expecting Eric to forbid him leaving during the day - again. 

But to his surprise, the master only grunted and waved them off. It was probably because Aaron was at least not eating up his stores this way.

“I will see you, master,” he rushed out before he left with Holly. 

“Don’t be long, otherwise you will work late!” they heard Eric yelling before the door fell shut.

As they walked to Butler’s farm, Holly asked him about his day and he complained about the heat, in return she told him about life on the farm and the lunch they were going to have. Apparently it was something Holly made  herself and he couldn’t wait to try it. 

On the street, James Tate came along and when he spotted Aaron with Holly his mouth twisted into a spiteful smirk. Aaron had hated his guts since their childhood days, even long before James started calling Aaron’s mother names. He had this mean streak and Aaron was convinced the boy was evil through and through. 

“Oi, Holly!” he shouted across the road and Aaron instinctively sped up to get away from him as quickly as possible. “You know he is just the bastard of a whore, right? You could do better than him!” he said loudly and gave her a filthy once over. 

Anger rose inside of Aaron, mixed with utter shame when he saw other villagers turning their heads to look at him. He wanted to swing his fist into Tate’s face so badly, the fierceness had him nearly choking.

Holly hooked her arm around Aaron’s and shifted closer to him. “Come!” she whispered and pulled him forward, away from James.

“Spreading your legs for someone like him will get you nowhere, Holly!” the boy shouted after them, voice dripping with disgust. 

It took all of Aaron’s willpower to not go back and deck him. It was a close call and probably only down to Holly’s surprisingly strong and determined grip that he stumbled along next to her, blind with fury. 

The words hurt more than any whipping could ever do, because they cut so much deeper, right in Aaron’s core. James Tate spoke the truth and that made it so painful. Aaron wanted to curl into a ball in his chamber and hide in there forever. His origin would always be his downfall. His father’s decision to abandon his mother sealed her fate and his as well. His father probably lived a happy life elsewhere with a wife and children, but those he wronged had to suffer. How was any of that righteous?

“You should not be seen with me,” he pressed out and hated how vulnerable he sounded. 

“Nonsense,” Holly said back. 

“Why?” he asked and yanked his arm free. “Why are you even talking to me? Why are you inviting me into your home? You know who I am!”

“You are my friend!”

Aaron stopped dead in his tracks and stared at her with an open mouth, not quite believing what she was saying. They only had known each other for a few weeks and sure, they got along well, with Adam too, but still. 

Then again, he had known Robert was his friend only after a few hours together. Back when he had been an innocent, naive child with impossible hopes for a future that would never be his. Back when his trust in people had not been broken. 

Perhaps he should give Holly more credit. 

“Or do you not want us to…?” she asked, suddenly unsure when he didn’t respond. 

“No, I-! Yes! Of course,” he said quickly. “I just never had a friend besides-” He stopped himself at the last moment, his heart suddenly hammering when he realised how close he had been to spilling out his secret. 

“Besides?”

Aaron swallowed. “Eric.”

Holly threw her head back and laughed, thankfully not seeing through his lie. “Eric is not your friend, silly!” She nudges him and smiles. “Now come, the food is ready.”

Later, when his belly was full and he was leaning back on the chair at the farmhouse, Aaron looked around at the people around the table. The Barton’s were laughing about something Adam had said. The boy always seemed to frolic no matter how hard the chores of the day were, a character trait Aaron admired if he was being honest. He just sat there and watched them quietly, their thriving family live, something he never had experienced for himself. 

Maybe, one day he could have something like that. A house, a family. A purpose. 

He wanted that. So much. 

Aaron was not religious deep down, not really believing in a God who was so unforgiving and cruel to some and at the same time rewarded others without reason, so he rarely prayed. But on that evening, he went on his knees and he prayed desperately for the miracle to happen. 

Then he carved another line into the floor and went to sleep, the incident with James Tate completely forgotten. 

It was the day of the 7th line once more and Aaron sat at their usual spot, but Robert had yet to arrive. He was late sometimes because it was harder for him to get away from the guards than for Aaron to slip out of the smithy. Although he should be used to it by now, Aaron hated waiting. It had his stomach in knots and his hands clammy and he always feared the worst.

What if the King had found out about their friendship?

The thought alone made him sick, but Aaron reminded himself that if the King knew, Aaron would not be walking around free, he would be rotting in a dungeon already. Unsurprisingly, that new thought did little to help with his anxiety and all Aaron could do was sit around and wait. He debated if he should go in the water already since the late Summer sun was still burning hot on his skin, but it wasn’t the same without Robert. 

Normally, Robert showed up at some point, but today the shadows were already getting longer and there was still no sight of Caesar and the Crown Prince. 

Aaron would have to wait another 7 days to see him. He hung his head in disappointment. Just when he was about to get up and walk back to the village he heard neighing and hooves thumping on the ground. His heart leaped when he recognised the horse and the man on its back. Robert made it!

His friend looked just as excited as he felt when he jumped from Caesar‘s back and rushed over to him.

“I am so glad you are still here!“ Robert breathed against his neck as they hugged each other. “I was worried I had missed you.“

“I will always wait for you,“ Aaron assured him and Robert‘s grip got tighter. The fact that they had less time today was something to bemoan later, for now Aaron wanted to enjoy the precious moments they got. “How are you? Did something happen at the palace?“

Robert shook his head and let go of him. “No, just the usual hassle. My teacher would not let me out of his eyesight and Andrew was with me all the time and that made it difficult to leave. I am sorry I could not make it earlier.“ He took off a leather bag from his back that Aaron had noticed when they were hugging. “I brought something.”

Sometimes Robert would steal a bit of food from the kitchen and give it to Aaron, but since it increased the stakes of rising questions it only happened on occasion. It was heartening, knowing what risks Robert took just for Aaron. 

Today, however, Robert pulled out a book. He had him shown books in the past and the painted papers always had something magical for Aaron. He loved their special smell and how the paper crinkled when he touched it. The letters on it looked strange to Aaron, but Robert was familiar with words and sometimes he would read aloud for Aaron. Robert handed the item over with a smile and Aaron turned the heavy book in awe-stricken silence in his hands to feel the thick leather cover. 

Books were rare. They were expensive. Only the clerics and the King had them, he knew. 

“It’s about astronomy.”

“What?” Aaron let out a little laugh. He had never heard of such a word before. 

“The stars, planets,” Robert said and his green eyes sparkled with sheer excitement. “Jim gave it to us today and taught us about it. See, there is this man, his name is Copernicus and he wrote that book. He was a mathematician and studied the movement of the Earth.”

“The movement?” Aaron asked and they both sat down in the grass. “The Earth isn’t moving.”

“But it is, according to him!” Robert said exhilarated. “Like, the Sun? We always say it rises and settles, right? We see it moving in the sky!” Robert pointed up and drew an invisible curved line over the trees. Aaron nodded along, understanding so far. “And everybody always assumed the Sun would move around the Earth, but Copernicus thinks it’s the other way around.” Robert opened the book and showed Aaron pictures that were painted with black ink. He also read some bits of the texts, which Aaron always found funny because it was a strange language. Latin, Robert had called it a few times. 

Aaron laid down on the side, rested his head on his hand and looked up at Robert as he read aloud and translated with rosy tinged cheeks and bright eyes. He could listen to his friend like that all day. Robert was so incredibly smart and what he talked about was so fantastic it was hard to believe.

Aaron stared at the sky that offered nothing but a clear blue today, and he wondered where the stars would go during the day. 

“But if the Earth was really turning, would we not fall off?” he threw in. He felt a bit foolish for asking, but Robert had assured him multiple times that there were no silly questions and Aaron should always speak what was on his mind. 

Robert never had made him feel stupid, ever. 

“I don’t know!” his friend exclaimed and raked a hand through his blond hair. “The thought crossed my mind too. I shall ask Jim about it.”

Jim was Robert’s teacher. Robert and his brother Andrew were being taught in reading and writing and geography, they also learnt about history. It was part of Robert’s life at the royal court, just like his training in sword fighting and dancing, which he hated the most. 

Robert did not talk often about his daily routines at the palace, but when he allowed his friend those little glimpses on his life, Aaron always felt privileged. 

Aaron talked about Holly and Adam in return and also about his work, but as usual he left some bits out. Robert did not need to learn about his sparse chamber at Eric’s house or that he sometimes was too exhausted to stand on his own two feet. He never told him about the beatings he received either, but Robert must have seen the bruises on his back during the years so he must know. 

Eventually, they decided to go in the water although the sun was setting already, but Autumn was coming and soon the lake would be too cold to swim. Technically, they could still do it, but Robert had said they could get pneumonia and pneumonia was dangerous. Aaron had seen people dying of it. 

They swam a little race which Robert won, but Aaron took revenge in the following dunking battle. He laughed so much until his belly hurt and it was moments like that when Aaron was free.  

If only there was a magic button to freeze time and stay like that forever with Robert, Aaron definitely would not mind. Sometimes he wondered if Robert felt the same, especially when they hugged goodbye and Robert squeezed him extra tight and long. The thought was ridiculous though, after all Robert had the palace to go back to, a privileged life with all the luxury Aaron did not even dare to imagine. 

But still, Aaron had these thoughts no matter how silly they were. 

“I will see you,” he whispered before they parted, the moon already glowing in the night sky and the first stars shining.

“7 days,” Robert reminded him as if that was necessary. Aaron knew that. It was what kept him going. “I will see you.”

When he walked back to the blacksmith’s house, he looked up at the sky. If those were planets, like Robert had told him, he imagined how it must be living on them.

And he wondered if Robert might have the same silly thoughts when he looked up at them, maybe even at the very same moment.

He was certain he would always think of Robert when he looked at the sky from now on. Aaron smiled all the way towards his home.

Aaron was chopping wood, when Charity approached him. She was his mother’s cousin and he had normally not much to do with her, but his sore muscles and his aching back were grateful for the little break her visit gave him. 

During Autumn and Winter he had to chop twice as much, for the smithy and Eric’s kitchen and the temperature had dropped severely a few nights ago, so his master sent him out to get more wood. 

The gratefulness and the smile on his lips died quickly when Charity said to him: “Aaron, you have to come with me.”

“I have work to do,” he said and frowned. “Why? What is it?”

She looked at him grimly. “It’s your mother.”

His first instinct was, no. He did not want to see her, the last time they had spoken was moons ago and it did not go well. They always ended up fighting and it was clear she blamed him for her misery. His mere existence had ruined her life and she would never forgive him for that. Their last meeting had not gone well. Her words and her glare had felt like stabs right into his heart and although Aaron should be used to it really, the pain had been fresh and raw. It always was. 

Being called names by someone like James Tate was one thing, being called names by his own mother was something else.

But a part of him still wanted to know about his mother. A part of him still cared. Aaron hated it.

“What did she do now?” he muttered and turned away to continue his chopping, his hurting body be damned. This pain he could handle better than the other. This pain he was used to.

The hand Charity placed on his arm was cold. “Aaron. She is ill.”

It was those few words that changed everything, because of course he was worried in a heartbeat. No matter how bad it had gotten between them, Chas was his mother and nobody deserved illness. 

“What is it?”

“We are not sure. Maybe pneumonia. She talks in a fever.”

His heart sank. “Where is she?”

“Come.” Charity pulled him along and Aaron followed, well knowing it was about to make Eric furious again, but his body felt like it moved on its own while his mind was dizzy. 

It was hard to keep his emotions in check as they reached one of the old shacks on the outside of the village. Not even when she was ill, did the brothel offer her a bed to rest and Aaron seethed with rage at those who were to blame in his opinion - those who accepted his mother’s ‘service’, but then turned away when she was in need. 

The air inside was just as chill as outside. He spotted his mother immediately, lying on a few bales of hay in the far corner so at least her backside had to be warm, but the blanket that was covering her was thin and tattered. Her hair was sticking to her sweaty forehead and her eyes were closed, but she was murmuring slurred words he could not understand. 

“Mother?” he asked carefully and crouched beside her. “It’s me.”

Aaron touched the hand resting on her quickly rising and falling chest. She ran hot. He stared at her unresponding body and never felt that helpless in his life before. 

“She needs medicine.”

Charity nodded. 

The problem was that the required herbs were expensive and difficult to get, but they had to try at least. “Where are her savings? Do you know?”

Charity’s eyes widened as she stared back at him in silence.

“The savings?” he repeated. It was not possible, but Aaron’s heart sank even more and his voice shook against his will. “She must have… from her… work…”

“She buys wine,” his mother’s cousin admitted, heavy with meaning. “She buys wine and drinks it until she passes out during the day to get up for the night again.”

Aaron closed his eyes in terror. Wine was for rich people, wine cost.

Chas mumbled something and she coughed, a loud, rattling sound and then her body kept making a stertorous noise with every heavy breath she took. Aaron sat back on the floor, buried his hands in his hair. He had not known how bad it was and the guilt he felt almost suffocated him. Aaron was to blame for this as well, he was no better than the men who took advantage of his mother. 

“So, you are saying she has nothing?”

“I don’t think so. And if she has, I wouldn’t know where she hid it.” Charity sounded defeated. "I have a little, but I reckon it is not enough.“

Aaron hit his fists against his head to clear the fog, trying to gather his thoughts but there was no avail. His mother needed the medicine, otherwise…

He cannot let his mother die. No matter what had happened between them, she was not supposed to go like that! His heart clenched when he thought back to their last encounter and the fight they had. That cannot be the last thing they ever said to each other. 

He had to do something.

Aaron had never been inside the stoney house with the double oak doors, but desperate times demanded desperate measures. 

In the brothel it reeked stale and of sweat and Aaron wrinkled his nose in disgust. The hallway was gloomy, every window was barricaded from the inside, and only a few candles lit up the hallway. How men seeked satisfaction here, Aaron would never understand. 

A woman, probably his mother’s age, stepped out of one of the doors and when she spotted him, she took him in with an obscene, long look that made him squirm on the spot.

“You are young,” she commented on his appearance, “but I do not mind.” Her voice dripped of sweetness and she grinned at him, undressing him with her eyes already. 

His face burnt and he tried not to look at her and her very little clothing that barely covered her private parts. “I need to speak to Mr Chapman.” 

As soon as he spoke the name of her souteneur, the woman’s attitude changed completely and her face fell. “What do you want from him?”

“This is none of your business,” he said snippily. “Can you get him here? Or do I have to look for him in every room?”

She narrowed her eyes, thinking something. “You look familiar…” she muttered, before it dawned on her. “You are Chas’ bastard!” She pointed at him and huffed a vicious laugh. “She didn’t show up last night. You can tell her, her services aren’t needed anymore. Message from Al.”

Aaron ignored her and started yelling: “Mr Chapman? Sir?” He bumped his fist against the next door, making sure he was loud enough to be heard in the whole house. 

In response, noise stirred in the rooms and it did not take long for an older man to start coming down the stairs. “What!” he barked and when he saw Aaron, his gaze flicked to the woman and then back to Aaron: “Did Wendy cause any problems?” 

“What?” the woman, Wendy, shrieked. “I offered my service, but he-”

“I’m Chas Dingle’s son,” Aaron interrupted her while he kept his focus solely on Al Chapman. He tried to square his shoulders and make himself bigger than he actually was. And felt. The truth was, he was scared, but showing his fear was not an option.  “We need to talk about my mother.” 

“I don’t think we do, boy. Go home.” 

“Wait!” Aaron cried out when Chapman was ready to turn around. “She is ill,” he rushed to explain, “she is ill, she cannot work.”

The souteneur made a humming sound and weighed his head. “Well, that is bad for her, I reckon.” There was no emotion in his voice, no sign he cared, but Aaron had to try anyway. 

“She needs a doctor and medicine.”

“Then she should get that. I don’t see what that has to do with me.”

“Please,” Aaron pressed out, hating to beg this cold hearted man. “She has no money-”

Al Chapman’s laughter cut him off and it was like a slap right in his face. “I pay all my whores, boy,” he declared loudly, then he grabbed Wendy who still stood next to him. She squeaked when he grabbed her chin and pressed his fingertips into her skin. “Ain’t that right, Wendy?” He moved her head up and down like a puppet and she muttered a “yeah, you do” between her squeezed lips.

Aaron had to lower his gaze, feeling uncomfortable watching this kind of abuse. 

“What your mother does with her savings is none of my interest. Now leave or I will make you.” It was Al Chapman’s final word. He let go of the woman and walked back up the stairs again. 

Unable to move, Aaron stood there for a moment and took deep breaths, his emotions all over the place. 

Wendy awkwardly tried to hide her body with her arms, from the cockiness she had shown a few minutes ago was nothing left and Aaron kind of felt sorry for her.

“You should go before he gets really angry,” she said quietly. 

And so he left, empty handed like he came. 

His mother’s condition worsened as she would not eat or drink and so Aaron decided to do the only thing he could think of.

He took his own purse with everything he saved in the past years, borrowed a horse from the Barton farm and went to see the doctor, who lived in another village and only could be convinced to have a look at Aaron’s mother when he was paid beforehand. 

Chas was the woman who had let Aaron down his entire life, but she was also the woman who brought him to this world and he could not just let her die like that.

He also paid for the medicine although no one could guarantee it would work. 

When he returned to the blacksmith’s house that night, Eric Pollard awaited him with the whip and sent him to his chamber without a meal afterwards.

Aaron’s purse was so much lighter than it had been this morning. The pennies in there were everything he owned apart from the clothes on his body and now half of them were gone. All the work, sweat, blood and unshed tears. Gone. 

Aaron was trapped here forever.

He debated if he should pray for his mother’s recovery, but his stubbornness took the upperhand. What kind of God was this, who kept punishing him again and again? Aaron opened his mouth and let out a silent scream instead. The frustration and anguish tore him apart. 

Never in his life had he craved Robert’s company like he did now, his friend was the only one to make him feel better.

When a sudden realisation hit him, Aaron dropped to his knees and frantically pushed the hay of his bed aside. 

Today was the day of the 7th line. He was supposed to meet Robert today. The image of Robert waiting for him, maybe thinking Aaron had forgotten him, added to his constricting chest. Aaron had missed their meeting and now he was forced to go another 7 days without his friend. 

He looked up and through the tiny window out into the night, where the sky was dark and starless. 

Aaron wrapped his arms around his trembling body, trying to hold himself together. But every person had a breaking point and Aaron reached his.

Curling up on his side, he closed his eyes and finally allowed the tears to flow. 

Chapter Text

“Stop! Stop! Brother, I said-! Ah!” Robert yelled in agony when Andrew‘s wooden sword hit him hard on his wrist and he threw his own weapon away. “What on Earth has got into you today!” He stared at Andrew reproachfully, massaging his hurting arm.

“Nothing.” Andrew shrugged innocently. 

“This is meant to be practice, not a real fight!” he hissed.

“Is it my fault you are out of form!”

Will, their sword master and teacher, stepped between them. “Crown Prince! Andrew! Must I remind you to behave during my lesson?” he asked sharply. 

Both brothers dropped their shoulders. “No,” they murmured. “I apologise, Will,” Andrew added dutifully and Robert rolled his eyes.

Lord, did he always have to act holier than thou?

Will nodded, easily pleased. “Go on then, another round.”

Before Robert picked up his weapon again, he had to fight to keep in that groan that wanted to escape his throat. His movements were too rash today, his head not focused and he hated to admit that Andrew had a point. Whereas his brother was stronger, Robert was faster and the better strategist, so they balanced each other out during their training sessions. Normally, that was. Today, Robert was elsewhere with his thoughts, at a little lake in the woods to be precise. 

Aaron had not shown up. For the first time ever. 

He always promised to be there and he had always kept his word, because that was just who Aaron was. The most genuine soul Robert knew apart from Victoria and his mother. 

So why did he not come yesterday? 

Robert had waited and waited, the whole afternoon, perking up at every twig snapping and tree rustling. He even had rode in the direction of the village, to meet Aaron halfway, until he had gotten too close and turned around in fear he might be seen. 

A heavy feeling settled in his guts and it grew steadily. Something must have happened. 

His mind was not too tired to provide him with images of Aaron being ill or injured or even worse. The thought was unbearable, he could not lose this friendship. Yes, he knew he was selfish, but it was the truth. He could not lose Aaron. It was not an option. 

If only there was a way to get a hold of his friend! 

Andrew‘s sword hit Robert again, his chest this time, and although Robert and his brother wore light armour for their exercise it still hurt. 

Because his chest already was a sore spot. Too tight to even breathe properly.

Will let out a disapproving grunt. “That‘s enough for today,” he announced loudly and added under his breath: “Or the King will have my head if the Crown Prince gets injured.“

Frustration piled up on Robert‘s fundamental worry over his best friend. He was a failure today, useless, just like during their studies with Jim earlier. Robert threw his sword on the ground and walked off, not caring which servant would pick it up. It was an arrogant move, but Robert did not have in him to be considerate today. With long strides he marched back to his chamber, without looking at Andrew or any of the guards. He threw the door shut and let out a long breath. Then walked to his giant bed, satin cushions and blankets piling almost waist-high, and he grabbed them and yanked them off with a furious roar. The mirror on his desk was next. It burst in countless tiny fragments when it hit the wall.

Aaron was hurt or ill. Or maybe dead even. 

Lord, this couldn‘t be, please! Robert slapped a hand on his mouth, choked on a sob and quickly turned away when the door was being ripped open.

“Crown Prince, are you alright? We heard a noise!” 

In no time guards were in his room, checking for potential danger and Robert knew it was standard procedure, they were just doing what they were supposed to do, but he just wanted a moment of privacy! He just wanted a moment without being stared at or examined or assessed. 

“Everything is fine,” he said harshly, “I just dropped the mirror.” He noticed their sceptical looks when their eyes flicked to the bedding. “Leave! Now!” 

Reluctantly they did what he ordered, but they hesitated and Robert supposed they’d report it to the King. He sighed. 

He just wanted to be alone for a little while. No sentinels, no Andrew sticking to his heels like a guard dog. No teachers indoctrinating him, no protocol to stick to. 

Well, although that was not quite right. He wanted to be with Aaron. Just him and Aaron swimming, building silly forts like they had done in earlier years, laughing and talking. With Aaron, he could be Robert and leave the Crown Prince behind the walls of the castle. 

Aaron was his only escape.

He needed him. 

His chest still hurt awfully, but not from Andrew’s stab, and Robert rubbed helplessly the spot above his heart as if that would help. It was like a stone was pressing on his ribs. Breathing was difficult.

Simply to keep himself busy, he started to rearrange his blanket and pillows and used his foot to shove the glass fragments together to a little pile. A soft knock on the door made him sigh again. There was only one person who would knock and not just waltz into his room.

“Come in, mother.”

She entered the room and smiled at him. He was not fooled though, because of course she glanced at his bed and the broken mirror, too. So the guards did report it like he expected. But not to the King, no, to his mother instead. 

“Join me for a walk?” she asked and gently caressed her huge belly. The child would arrive soon, the doctors had said. 

There was no way he could say no to his mother, so Robert put on that smile he enacted since he was a toddler. “Sure.” So much for privacy. So much for being alone. 

She hooked her arm around his when they walked through the long corridors, passing a sentinel every few steps. “Let’s go outside,” she suggested and he knew what was about to come. 

She wanted to check on him without too many ears listening in. His mother had done that since she came into his life and he always appreciated it. Legally she only was his stepmother, but she stepped up and filled her role with a caring, soft heart and after losing his birthmother, Sarah was the best possible thing that could happen to Robert and Victoria. Those walks had always been nice because he could talk with her about the pressure on his shoulders, the too high expectations his father had on him, even the complicated relationship with his brother. His mother knew it all, but there was one thing he did not dare tell even her. And unfortunately that one thing was everything that was on his mind right now. 

Autumn had hit a few days ago and suddenly it was no longer warm and sunny, the breeze was chill and the sky grey in all its shades. 

“Is it not too cold for you?” he asked, concerned and eyed her big belly, but Sarah only laughed.

“Being with child always makes my body run warmer than normal. The doctors don’t know why, but as long as the little one has a strong heartbeat it is nothing to worry about,” she told him and squeezed his arm. “But thank you, for looking out for me.”

“Always,” he promised and he meant it. 

“So, will you tell me what is troubling your mind?” She finally asks him when they put some distance between them and the castle, walking along the garden paths where some of the roses were still blooming. 

He smiled at her, his most effective weapon, and said: “Nothing, mother.”

She raises his eyebrows at him. “Jim, Will, Andrew and the guards at your wing beg to differ.”

Word spread fast behind the walls. Lord, did Robert hate it. 

“It is nothing for you to worry about,” he insisted and at least that much was true. 

“But you are worrying about something,” she observed cleverly and he huffed and shook his head in fond amusement.

This woman was actually too smart for his father. There was nothing that could get past her. She would make a good sovereign, he thought not for the first time. But her role was prescribed as was his.

He so wished he could tell her about Aaron, about this amazing boy who magically made time fly, who treated Robert like he was a normal human being and not the Crown Prince. 

Who made him forget feeling sad. 

He wanted to share that with someone, so bad. But he knew he could not do that. No one would understand, not even his mother, as much as he loved her.

“It’s nothing,” he repeated the lie, “just… a mood today. It shall pass again.”

They continued their walk in silence, both caught up in their own thoughts, when his mother suddenly stopped. “Oh, it is moving!” she smiled, looked lovingly at her belly and then back up at Robert. “Do you wanna feel it?”

“Can I?” he asked hesitating, but she just took his hands and put her with a little pressure on the side of her bump.

For a moment, Robert felt nothing but the silk of her dress. And then there was a nudge. 

From inside his mother.

His eyes widened. It was the first time he really understood that there was an actual living creature in his mother’s body! His little brother or sister! He stared in awe at her belly. 

“That is…” he whispered and swallowed. A miracle. 

“I know,” she whispered back, looking just as enamoured as he felt. Sarah reached out and gently laid a hand on his cheek. “I know you feel lonely,” she said with soft eyes and nodded understandingly when she spoke. “It gets lonely in here although we are never alone.”

Her words hit his core, because they were so true. He was never alone and yet lonely. 

“But one day you are going to have your own family,” she continued and smiled, “You are going to have a gorgeous wife and you are going to have children and you will never be lonely again.”

It was well meant, an encouragement, a promise for better times. Because how she painted his future was every man’s dream. Having a devoted wife and being a father, everybody wanted that. 

Robert smiled back at her. He smiled until his cheeks hurt and they reached the door of the castle again. And he thought of Aaron all the time. 

It got to the point where he debated whether to send someone to the village and check on Aaron on his behalf. But there was no one he could trust with that task. 

Robert wanted to rip his hair in frustration. He was the Crown Prince, for heaven’s sake, there had to be something he could do! This powerlessness was something he did not take well. 

He excused himself for dinner by saying he didn’t feel well, endured a pointless examination by the doctors until he was finally  left alone. Robert had no plans to stay in his room for long though. After all those years he knew his secret ways out of the castle and so he found himself in the stables not long after that. 

“Sam,” he greeted the stablehand.

“My Prince,” he said and bowed his head.

Sam was a loyal soul and devoted to the court with all the fibres of his body. In the early years of Robert’s forbidden bunking off, he had gotten in serious trouble because the King thought he had assisted Robert in some way. The Crown Prince had felt extremely guilty and since then he only chose times when the stables were empty. 

“You can leave now,” he said when he walked into Caesar’s box to stroke over his warm fur. “Make sure you are seen by the guards when you go to your chamber.” He looked over his shoulder at the stablehand to check if he understood. 

Andrew used to call Sam a simpleton  and Robert hated when he did that. Because yes, Sam’s mind was a bit slow sometimes, but he did not deserve to be called names like that. No one did.

“Alright, your Highness.” 

By the time Robert’s absence was noticed, Sam had a solid alibi. He would not get a whipping again, not for that, Robert made sure of it. When Sam’s footsteps died away, Robert turned back to his white stallion.

“I am sorry, boy, I cannot take you for a ride.” The horse bristled as if he understood Robert’s words. 

He grabbed one of the plain saddles and the worn out harness Sam mostly used for his everyday work with the animals and put both on a younger, brown horse. After making sure everything was safely secured, Robert took one of the grey coats from the hook next to the door. The wool was scratchy and nothing like the soft fabrics he was used to. Which made it perfect for its purpose. 

It was an idiotic plan, dangerous as well if he got caught. But it was the best he came up with, so he climbed the horse anyway. He’d just have to make sure that did not happen.

“Come on, boy!” he hissed, leaning forward and pressing his heels into the horse’s belly. 

One look over his shoulder and he saw the torches of the guards following him. Robert was on a zig-zag course through the nighttime forest. The horse was not as fast as Caesar and it took longer than usual to shake the chasers off. Only when he was sure he was alone, he dared to slow down.

“You did good,” he whispered and patted the animal’s neck. 

That had been a near thing and Robert’s heart pounded wildly, but he made it and he let out a war cry to get rid of some of the energy in his body. First step done, he continued his way to the village of Emmerdale, constantly checking over his shoulder in paranoid fear some of the guards might appear out of thin air.

Emmerdale was a small village and Robert remembered where the blacksmith’s house was from the parade. It was not hard to miss with the iron sword and a horse shoe dangling from chains above the door. Thankfully, the roads were mostly empty. Women were at home with their children at this time and the loud noise he heard from the tavern indicated where most of the men were. Robert met a few people and every time he thought his heart might fail its service when he pulled the cape deeper to hide his face, but no one paid him attention. 

He was just a random man on a horse. 

The lights were off in the blacksmith’s house, except in one room upstairs the flames of a candle shone through the window. Robert jumped from the horse, gently guided it to the backside of the house and secured it with the rein. Caesar would never run off without him, but he did not know this horse well enough. 

The backdoor he found was unlocked and a moment later Robert stood in what, from the smell, could only be the smithy. The scent of fire and ashes hung in the air and also the stench of metal and oil. It was pitch black and suddenly Robert was at a loss.

His genius plan ended here. 

He had to find Aaron but avoid his master and he had no idea how to do that, but he had  come this far and he stubbornly refused to go back without seeing his friend. Willing his breathing to stay calm and his heartbeat to even out, Robert slowly shuffled forward in the dark.

And promptly knocked something over that made an awfully loud clanging noise in the quiet house. 

Oh no! No, no, no!

Robert froze on the spot. While he still tried to get his thinking straight, a door to his left flew open, light blinded him and the bristles of a broom head were painfully being pressed against his throat.

“You are not stealing anything,” a man sneered, “you dirty… burglar!” 

From one heartbeat to another the terror left Robert’s body, because he recognised that voice! He shoved the cape off his head. “Aaron,” he breathed and then he laughed, because ‘you dirty… burglar’ ? Lord, Aaron was such a doofus sometimes. 

He could only make out his black shadow due to the lights behind him from the other room. Aaron stumbled back, lowered the broom and gasped. “Robert?” He sounded shocked and then he whispered to himself: “Am I in fever? Is this a dream?”

“It’s me,” he said and stepped towards his friend, but Aaron held up his hand to stop him.

“No! You can’t be here! What are you doing here? You need to leave, you need to leave now! You are a fool! Eric might come back any second and then he will see you and… and…” Aaron sounded more and more terrified with every word and his breathing became erratic. 

At least it meant the master was not at home and that confirmation was relieving.

Robert grabbed Aaron’s shoulders and shook him gently. “Hey, hey! Everything will be alright.” Then he finally pulled the boy into his arms and embraced him. Aaron was here, he was on his two feet, definitely not dead or ill. Everything will be alright again. Robert let out a long and shaky exhale and pressed his nose against Aaron’s warm neck like he always did. It was like coming home. There was another clattering sound when Aaron dropped the broom to hug him back. 

Everything will be alright. 

“I was so worried when you did not come, I had to see you,” he admitted quietly.

“I thought this was a robbery,” Aaron whispered back. “When I heard the horse outside and then the backdoor of the smithy. You scared me to death when you kicked the bucket with the grippers over!”

“And then you thought you could sweep me out, you silly thing?” Robert said lightly and he grinned wildly. 

“Ah, you!” Aaron took a step back to slap his chest. “I did not know what else to grab!”

That made Robert laugh again. “You are in the blacksmith’s house! Aren’t there knives and swords everywhere?” 

“It all went so quick,” Aaron defended himself and then he added grumpily. “I dunno know who you are calling silly, you are the Crown Prince who ran off to see a bastard.” 

The smile died on Robert’s face. “Don’t call yourself that!” He truly hated when Aaron did that. 

“But that is what everybody calls me. That is what I am.”

“Not to me,” he said softly. His friend was so much more than that, he had no idea.

Aaron went silent then, but they moved a little so Robert finally could see one half of his face. The blue eyes looked tired, the bags under them were worrisome. Just when Robert wanted to ask how he was, a door opened in the other room. 

“Aaron?” someone hollered. 

His friend’s eyes went wide in shock and he mouthed ‘master’, before he pushed Robert quickly backwards. They stumbled out of the backdoor and Aaron immediately started to rip off the rein.

“On your horse! You need to hide. Quick.” Aaron cursed. “He cannot… if he…”

“Do you know a hideout?” Robert asked, climbing on the horse’s back.

“What happened in here?” They heard Eric shouting behind them. He must have seen the broom and the tools on the floor. “Aaron?”

“Yes,” Aaron whispered back.

There was no time for fear, they were acting on pure survival instinct. Robert held out his hand, his friend grabbed it without hesitating and Robert pulled him up behind him.

“Hold on tight.”

Aaron wrapped his arms around him and the horse galloped off just as the blacksmith stepped out on the backyard.  

Chapter Text

His best friend, the Crown Prince. In Emmerdale.

Aaron wondered if this was real or if maybe he caught his mother’s disease and his brain was clouded with fever as well.  But his arms were actually wrapped around Robert’s middle, his chest pressed to his friend’s back and the blond hair tickling his nose. Robert was here! In the village! And they were riding together! The insane risk Robert was willing to take just to see him. It was a fine line between bravery and idiocy, Aaron thought. 

He only hoped no one would see them. Two men on a horse - Aaron did not even want to imagine the gossip that sight would ensue. He whispered instructions to Robert, guided them to Butler’s farm, because during the past moons Aaron had become acquainted with the Barton property and he knew the various barns they owned, some of them far outside the fields, near the woods. The barn they headed towards was only a storage for hay and Aaron was fairly certain no one would come up here at night. It seemed a safe place. 

Inside it was dark and Aaron desperately wished for some light because now that Robert was here, he wanted to see him leastwise. They led the horse to the corner, rubbed the sweaty fur dry with hay and made sure it had enough to eat right in front of him, then they sat down on a pile of hay. 

His friend seemed extra starved for touch tonight, but Aaron certainly did not mind. It was pretty much mutual, since Robert was the only person who hugged him like that. Aaron allowed his muscles to relax and sagged against the warm body. Being held was the best feeling in the world. Like all the bad things just vanished and all his running thoughts came to a halt and there was just him and Robert, the solace and safety of the moment. 

“Still can’t believe you are here,” Aaron muttered and clung to Robert’s coat as if he would disappear any moment. He wanted to keep him like that forever. 

“I had to see you. I thought something happened to you. When you didn’t come yesterday… I was so worried, I thought I was losing my mind.”

Something bloomed inside Aaron, a tingling, warm sensation spread from his belly, he had no real words for. Only that it felt so unbelievably good. All too soon though Robert let go of him and Aaron felt cold where their bodies had been touching a moment before. 

“I am so sorry about yesterday,” he whispered. “When I finally realised we were supposed to meet, the moon was already out and it was too late.”

“Did something happen?” Robert’s concern was heartening. 

“My mother got ill,” he explained. “I had to get a doctor and that was… it took me all day to get him to see her.” Aaron sighed. He felt drained again just thinking about it. 

“Really?” Robert said, surprised.

Aaron told him about the travel back and forth and the treatment cost him.

“But… I can help you, Aaron, I have jewellery! You can have it, I don’t care about it, I-”

He interrupted him quietly. “Robert, I cannot take that offer.”

“But I want to help!”

“Your jewellery is useless. This is royal jewellery we are talking about. Don’t you get it?” Aaron said, getting upset. “They’d think I stole it.”

Robert was silent next to him, his face unreadable in the dark and then he said: “I don’t have money. I have jewels and silk robes and horses, but I don’t have access to the money my father has.” He sounded defeated, bitter. “I am the damned Prince and I cannot even help you pay for a doctor.” 

Aaron sighed and took Robert’s hands into his. “It is fine,” he said, meaning it. “It is what it is. I already paid anyway.”

He just had to keep going, like he always did. There was no alternative.

“So, how is she then? Is the medicine helping?”

Aaron shrugged despite Robert not seeing it. “The doctor gave her something today. We will have to wait and see.”

He hated sitting around, not being able to do something, not knowing what would happen. Aaron supposed it must have been similar for Robert’s about him, in a way at least, so of course he understood Robert’s reckless plan to hit the village and his desire to help. 

For a while they just sat there in silence, until Robert spoke up with a slightly trembling voice.  “You know, when I bailed dinner, I pretended to feel sick and within moments there were two doctors in my chamber to check on me. And did you know my mother gets examined every day now she is close to giving birth?” Aaron heard his friend sighing and no, he did not know that. He didn’t think something like that was possible, but then again, he didn’t know much about life at the royal court, because while Robert sometimes shared the subjects of his studies, he kept such private details mostly to himself. “Health care is a given at court. I have never even given it much thought?” Robert sounded like he was talking more to himself than to Aaron, then he cleared his throat. “I had no idea it was so difficult to receive treatment for… you know.”

Aaron knew. Common folk. Ordinary people. People born into the wrong class of society. 

“Well, you are the Crown Prince,” Aaron reasoned and he tried to make his voice sound light but he missed the tone a bit.

“Exactly!” Robert exclaimed, clearly upset. “I am the Crown Prince, I should know these kinds of things! They teach us history, about former Kings and wars, about science and the arts, but not about our own people and their needs. This is not right.” He squeezed Aaron’s hand almost painfully tight. “One day, when I will be the King, I am going to change things,” Robert promised quietly. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Robert breathed. 

In Aaron’s mind there was still that young blond boy who couldn’t skim a stone across water no matter how often Aaron had shown him and if his life depended on it. In Aaron’s mind there was still that little shit that had used to make fart noises whenever Aaron had sat on the ground. Robert was the boy who had told him a butterfly was born from a caterpillar and whom he had held when Robert got stung by stinging nettles and the painful rash had made him cry. 

That little boy was long gone, but sometimes it was hard to get his head around the fact that his Robert was going to be the King one day. 

“What would you change?” Aaron asked, getting curious. He’d give anything to get a look at his friend now. He imagined that tiny crinkle of Robert’s forehead, his narrowed eyes and the slight twitch of muscles whenever he grinded his teeth. It was his ‘thinking face’ and Aaron had seen it often enough to know what it looked like. 

“I don’t know, I would try to enable easier access to doctors for everyone. And I would allow women more things, I wish they’d be more than servants of their spouses and walking wombs.”

“Robert!” 

“I am speaking the truth though, you know I am.”

Of course he was and Aaron knew that, but that was how it was supposed to be, how it always was. Women were there to give birth, that was why they had the parts, given from God. A God that Aaron struggled with more often than not, but those were simply the facts and a different world was hard to imagine. 

“And there are so many rules that make no sense, too. Like the forbiddance to ride. You know, it turned out Vic is actually quite good at riding, so why is she not allowed to? Why do we have to keep it a secret and for fear of the consequences if we get found out?”

Not having an answer, Aaron stayed silent. It truly did make no sense. 

“There is so much more…” Robert sighed. Then he added very quietly, barely audible: “I would ban whippings except for when they are part of a sentence.”

Aaron sucked in a breath and felt tears welling up in his eyes, for once being glad it was too dark to see in the barn. 

“I’d make people like your master rot in the dungeon for what he does to you.”

Men are not supposed to cry, crying is a weakness and vulnerability and therefore a thing only women do. And if at all men were crying, they did it when they were alone. With everything he had, Aaron tried to keep himself together. He dared not to breathe because a sob might escape his tight throat along with it, he dared not even to blink to cause the tears spilling.

Sure, Aaron had assumed Robert knew about the whippings from the marks on his back although neither of them had mentioned it with one word before. But assuming something and actually hearing Robert say those words was something entirely different. Something was rushing loudly in his ears and his body turned alternatively hot and cold. His head felt light and dizzy and his heart beat wildly against his chest. 

Robert let go of his hand and for a horrible way too long a moment Aaron felt like he was in free fall, lost in the darkness, but then his friend pawed at his blouse and pulled him into a hug again. When their bodies collided, the air left Aaron’s burning lungs with that desperate sob that almost suffocated him and no matter how hard he had tried, he could not prevent his stoney composure from crumbling. 

All those times Eric disciplined him, all those nights he spent on his side, unable to move. Knowing there were so many other boys, children and women suffering just like him at that very moment, because masters, fathers and spouses had done what was their right. 

None of it was right though, none of it fair. 

“It is going to be alright,” Robert murmured into his hair and shushed him.

Normally Aaron would never allow him to coddle him like a child, but right now he just let it happen, no fight in his body left.

“I’m going to make it better,” his friend vowed.

Aaron was not as certain as Robert about that. Not even a King had the power to change the people, but he allowed himself a foolish hope nevertheless. 

“You are going to be a good King,” he said, once he gained back control of his emotions. His voice was hoarse and shaky and his body still trembling. The past few days had been a constant up and down, back and forth of complicated emotions and Aaron felt incredibly tired.

“And I’m going to make you my royal blacksmith.” 

Aaron knew it was just something said to lift the mood and cheer him up after his breakdown and it served its purpose. He smiled and the skin of his face burnt where the tears had been running. “That’d be nice,” he muttered.

If only it could be true.

They ended up lying on the hay, talking quietly about this and that until the past days took their toll and they must have fallen asleep, because when Aaron blinked, a new day was dawning already. The night had been over way too quickly. He turned to Robert and stilled when he saw his best friend sleeping soundly. The early morning light finally allowed Aaron a proper look at him.

The days of his round cheeks had long been gone, but Robert still looked so young right now, lying on his side, head resting on his arm, blond streaks falling into his face. Aaron traced the freckles and moles with his eyes, wished he could count them all, but Robert had only taught him numbers up to 100 and there had to be so many more than that. They reminded Aaron of the stars in the night sky and he grinned at his own silly thought. 

Giving in to an impulse, he reached out and gently stroke the hair from Robert’s forehead. His friend stirred, mumbled something and blinked his eyes open. Aaron just had enough time to pull his arm back and pretend he didn’t do anything. 

For a moment, Robert kept blinking, confused as if he was debating if this was a dream or reality, but then he apparently remembered last night and smiled back. It was so bright and brilliant, blinding almost and Aaron had to look away quickly because his chest started aching.

“Good morning,” he said, sitting up to distract himself.

“Good morning.”

Now that he was fully awake, Aaron regretted falling asleep on his friend instead of treasuring every precious moment they had. What a wasted opportunity and now time ran out again. Time was always running out.

“You need to ride back before the sun is up.” Saying the words tasted bitter. 

His friend sat up next to him and rubbed his face tiredly. “Yeah.” Robert looked around, taking the barn in for the first time, then he rolled his shoulders and groaned. “Ow. Sleeping on that was awful.”

Aaron only grinned and shook his head. “Aw, the Crown Prince has a little ailment,” he teased. “Shall I kiss it to make it better?”

Robert snorted and Aaron leaned over to press a chaste kiss on the back of his neck. Warm and soft skin, smelling of hay. It was just a dry peck, not even lasting a heartbeat, meant as a little joke, but the laughter died in Aaron’s throat when that heart ache suddenly intensified with an unknown force. 

The green eyes of his friend were huge, the surprise was written all over his face. Maybe shock even and it made Aaron avert his gaze and squirm nervously on the spot.

It felt like he crossed an invisible line and he fervently wished he could turn back time and undo it. 

“The sun is rising quickly,” he said quietly, more gruff than he intended to. “I need to get back too.”

Aaron closed his eyes when he thought of the punishment that was awaiting him from Eric’s hand. His master must be seething with rage. He swallowed heavily and thought back to what Robert said to him last night.

Like a dream, it seemed so far away, now that reality came back like the daylight, dispelling the night and their hushed promises.

Robert got up. “Right. I should…” he trailed off and gestured to the horse.

Suddenly it was all weird between them, tainted with a strange awkwardness. It was all Aaron’s fault. Why had he kissed Robert? Only wedded people kissed, everyone knew that. What must his friend think of him now? 

Before the panic could grab ahold of him, Robert gently touched his arm and steered his focus back to present. “I will see you in 5 days, okay? 5 lines from now.”

“5 days. I will see you then.” He took a deep breath, wondering if he should apologise, but before he could say anything, Robert hugged him once more, pressed a quick kiss on his cheek, walked with big strides to the barn door to open it, then to his horse, climbed the saddle with a swift motion and rode off without looking back.

Aaron moved to the open gate and stared after him, how he became smaller and smaller in the distance, hooves flying in gallop across the field and the grey cape wafting in the wind. 

His friend was long gone when he brought up his shaking hand to his face to caress the still tingling spot where Robert had kissed him. 

Chapter Text

Jack was fuming, pacing back and forth in front of Robert who kept staring at his hands rather than his father. Right after he had entered the territory of the castle, the guards had been awaiting him. There had been no words needed, Robert knew what to expect since he had stolen off the night before. They silently guided him to the throne room where the King spent most of his time during the day. It was the largest room of the castle, with high walls, giant candleholders, tapestries and of course the throne, a golden monstrosity with a green velvety seat, that stood on a pedestal and even when the King sat on there, he could overlook the whole hall. 

There had been a second throne once, a much smaller one, for Robert’s birth mother as he remembered darkly, but it got removed when the King had wedded his second wife. It had been a compromise between the King and the church for legalising a second marriage which meant Lady Sarah had to stand a tad behind the throne during official festivities, no matter how long they took.  

His mother was not present now, there was no one to shield him from his father’s rage. 

“Get out!” the King shouted at his guards and the servants. “Give us privacy!”

They obliged quickly and Robert glanced at them and saw their relieved expressions. Nobody wanted to witness the wigging that would follow.

Despite his rapidly beating heart and his sweaty palms, Robert felt no regret. He never did. Ultimately, seeing Aaron would always outweigh all the negative consequences and besides, while Aaron had to suffer through a physical punishment, Robert knew the King would never lay a hand on him. This scolding would pass, as always.

“Where have you been?” the King asked, although he must have known that he would not get an answer to that question. “What on Earth are you thinking!” his father hollered then and Robert remained silent because there was nothing to tell. Not the real reason for his escapes anyway. “Taking off like that, every few days! And you were gone all night! Your mother was in tears, and with her in her current state!”

Robert felt bad about that, it was not his intent to worry his mother. Unfortunately, there was no alternative. He was not ready to take the risk of telling her.

“What you are doing is dangerous!”

They have been over that, in previous fights and Robert barely refrained from rolling his eyes, because Lord, he knew that it was dangerous! He knew! He might be reckless, but he was not a fool for heaven’s sake. 

It did not change anything though. 

The King sank with a sigh on his throne. “What if someone recognises you, huh? Have you thought about that?”

And yes, in fact, Robert had thought about that. But normally he stayed clear of roads or villages - last night being an exception to the rule - and in all those years, Robert rarely met anyone during his outings. The little lake was a hidden gem and he and Aaron always made sure no one followed them to their hiding spot. 

“Of course you haven’t!” his father concluded coldly when Robert kept his silence. “So here is the truth, son. No matter how much they had cheered when we visited their villages, no matter how delighted they had been to get a glimpse of their King and his Crown Prince, no matter how friendly they may seem…” The King made a meaningful pause. “Do not ever get fooled, son. There are many of them who are just waiting for a chance to get at me, at our family," he laughed bitterly and snipped his fingers, “just like that! They push the sword in your chest without feeling remorse. They cannot be trusted, no one outside these walls can.”

Robert was well aware of the dangers, but his father painted a picture as if the common people were heavily armoured criminals, when they were in fact mostly poor farmers, malnourished and struggling to make a day’s living. 

How could this be his father’s honest opinion about his own people? He was their King, they were his responsibility. 

Robert shook his head slightly, mostly to himself, but his father saw it anyway.

“You don’t believe me?” King Jack hissed. “Are you doubting the word of your father, of your King? How dare you! Look at me, son. I said, look at me!”

Finally, Robert raised his eyes and looked his father straight in the face. The King stared back at him from his upraised position on the throne with a cold look. “You have no idea about the world outside.”

That was the final straw. Robert raised his chin. “I know more than you do!” he blurted out.

His father laughed again, the sound echoing loudly through the hall, but his eyes remained hard.

“When have you last spoken to one of them?” Robert asked challengingly. “Have you ever?” He huffed. “The truth is, you actually have no idea what they think of you or what they need from you-”

“What THEY need from ME?” King Jack jumped up from his throne and touched his chest in disbelief. “I am their King!” he hollered, “they need to be loyal and to obey the laws I give them!” His father stepped down the stairs and squared his shoulders right in front of Robert. “And so do you. Your education will be intensified and I will make sure a guard is with you all the time. You will not leave this castle without my permission.”

Robert’s belly filled with heavy dread and his body flushed hot with fury. Lord, if his father ordered that, it would be nearly impossible to steal off to see Aaron. “You cannot make me a prisoner, I am the Crown Prince!” he shouted.  

“Yes, you are!” the King yelled back. He took a moment to breathe and when he continued, he spoke calmly: “You are supposed to be the Crown Prince, Robert, you are supposed to take over once I am not here anymore, but you are not acting like a considerate person who takes his responsibility serious like I did when I was your age. As I see it, you are still a child and nowhere near ready for the task God gave you. But I will change that.”

It was like he got slapped. At least it was how Robert imagined the feeling. It was humiliating. 

“You can leave,” his father said and gave him one last look as if Robert was the biggest inconvenience of his life before he walked back up to his throne. He rang a bell that stood next to the seat and only a heartbeat later one of the doors opened and in came one of the servants. 

The boy, about Robert’s age, glanced with huge eyes at Robert, flustered because he obviously had overheard everything. “Your Majesty?” he asked and took a reverent bow.

“Guide the Crown Prince back to his chamber. And stay with him until you get another order.”

Robert trembled with rage, when he turned around wordlessly and strode out of the throne room without looking back. Soon the servant had caught up with him and struggled to keep Robert’s pace. 

“I know the damned way!” he hissed at the servant and tried to ignore the looks of the guards on the left and right of the hallway. 

“The K-King, Your Majesty, he said-” the boy stammered awkwardly.

“And I am the Crown Prince!” Lord, with every passing day he detested the title more and more. His education aside, it only came with rules, burdens and sacrifices. “And I say, stop following me!”

“But if you are taking off again, I will be getting in trouble,” the servant rushed out and he blushed. “I don’t want trouble, please, Your Highness, I don’t…”

Robert stopped, sighed and marginally softened at the sight of the obvious fear of the poor man. “I promise I will go to my chamber. You will not get in any trouble. You have my word.”

He had been rarely alone anyway and that was torture enough. There was no way he could handle being supervised all the time. Robert could not bear that, no way. Suddenly it was like the walls came closer and closer and he felt like someone sat on his chest heavily.

“Please?”

The servant’s eyes grew impossibly bigger and he blinked at Robert in shock. Who could blame him, the Crown Prince begging a simple servant like that was unheard of. Well, until now. But at least the boy stepped back. 

It was mostly a symbolic gesture to give Robert some space, but it eased the pressure on his chest with immediate effect and he took a harsh inhale.

The man bowed his head which Robert took as a silent agreement and so he hurried to get to his room. He closed the door, leaned against it and looked around, miserably. There were golden ornaments everywhere, heavy furniture built by carpenters in countless hours, the most expensive draperies one could buy in the kingdom. Luxury wherever he laid his eyes upon, but Robert wasn’t fooled by the optics. He sank down onto the ground.

This was a prison and Robert was the inmate.

One might think he was reading, when Robert sat on his window board with a book on his lap, but in reality he was lost in thoughts. 

The fight with his father kept replaying over and over in his head and the consequences it would have if it really goes the way his father threatened. What did that mean for him and Aaron? If they could not see each other again? Robert closed his eyes in horror. Aaron needed him, especially now when everything was so uncertain with his mother? And Robert needed him.

He needed him. 

Something tugged at his heart when he thought back to this morning, when he had opened his eyes and was met with Aaron’s face. With those blue eyes looking softly at him, the corners of his mouth curled up in a shy smile, his dark curls sleep muddled. 

Robert remembered vividly how his stomach had leaped unexpectedly at the sight. 

And he remembered how Aaron had fallen asleep on him, literally on him, with his pliant body curled up at Robert’s side. They had always been tactile with each other, exchanging hugs and touches on the regular, but falling asleep together had been new. Very new.

He remembered how he had tried to lay as still as possible to not spook Aaron, how he had listened to the slow and even breathing of his best friend.

How his curls had tickled his bare neck. 

The neck that Aaron had kissed. 

Suddenly Robert’s stomach felt just as weird as last night and heat waves flushed his body. Because now he remembered how he had kissed Aaron back, on his cheek, even. 

Almost as if they were-

The door to his room opened and Robert jumped and the book slipped through his fingers on the floor. The servant from earlier slipped inside.

“I told you to-” Robert started angrily.

“The King is coming,” the servant whisper-shouted in a hurry. “I heard him coming up the stairs.” 

Acting in pure instinct, Robert climbed down the window sill to pick up his book and rushed over to his desk. He was not even sitting there for two heartbeats before his father strode in. He quickly assessed the situation, looked at the boy next to the door and then to Robert. 

“Your Majesty,” Robert greeted his father and hoped his voice would not give away his nerves. “I am surprised to see you here.” His father hardly ever visited his wing. 

Instead of answering his son, the King turned to the servant. “Report!” he ordered.

The poor boy paled and he looked like he was about to faint any moment. “I- I-... He w-was in here. The whole time.” He swallowed. “Studying.” When the King kept piercing him with his glare, he added: “Your M-Majesty.”

“Studying?” Finally his father shifted his attention to Robert. 

“Astronomy.” Robert glanced at the book on his desk and nearly fainted himself when he noticed it was turned upside down. He shut it and stood up to step in front of it to shield it from his father’s eyes. 

King Jack let out a grunt and it was obvious that he did not approve his son’s choice of book. “I shall speak to Jim about your education,” he muttered. 

And then he was gone as quick as he had came. The servant let out a long breath and almost collapsed next to the door as soon as it had fallen shut. 

 Robert still tried to process what just had happened. A control visit. Really? Was this the way things were going from now on? The King himself checking on him?

This time they could fool his father, but it was close and that ultimately meant the servant actually had to be here with Robert. Disobeying the King’s orders was punished severely. Their eyes met across the room and the boy just looked as shaken as Robert felt. 

“What’s your name?” he asked. Since they were about to spend an unknown amount of time together it seemed fair to ask.

“My name is Finn, Your Highness.”

“One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four - and turn! One, two, three, four!” Bob Hope clapped into his hand as he counted cheerfully to the music the band was playing. 

“Oh Lord, he’s like a watchdog. And he is really following you around all day?” Victorica whispered shocked and glanced to the side where Finn stood and watched them intently.

Robert held his arm up for his sister to make a turn underneath before he pulled her back to him. “All day,” he whispered back. “And at night they lock my chamber.”

Vic gave him a horrified look as they continued to dance. Dancing was Robert’s least favourite subject. All those stiff positions and awkward motions, the forced smile he had put on during those lessons, he was so over it all. 

The only upside was that Victoria was allowed to join him and Andrew to be their dance partner. His sister was not allowed to study with them, so she usually spent her days doing what nice and good girls her age had to do according to his father, which meant knitting, stitching and joining their mother for walks. Robert could not even imagine how boring that must be.

“But what about the riding?” Vic’s face turned sad. “Robert?”

She really enjoyed being on a horse’s back and she was a fast learner and to be honest, Robert had enjoyed the little forbidden activity just as much. His sister was one of his favourite people and he loved seeing her genuinely smiling and carefree. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Right now it is impossible. We have to wait until dust settles and things go back to normal.”

That was his slim hope at least. The only thing that kept him going. By now, Robert was willing to beg his father on his knees for forgiveness only to get the little bit of freedom in his own room back. 

Finn had even followed Robert to the latrine on their first day together until Robert had snarked if he wanted to watch the Crown Prince relieving himself. That, eventually, had stopped the servant and since then it got a bit better and Finn tried to be more subtle. However, he was lurking. He was always lurking. But all in all, personality wise, he was quite alright, Robert thought. Mildly annoying, but that was probably a part of the task he had to fulfil.

“Turn. A-round. On. The. Spot. And. To. The. Left!” Bob shouted in time with the music and kept clapping to accentuate his commands. 

“Rooobert!” Victoria whined quietly.

“I know!” 

“Why did you have to disappear all night? You always disappear!” His little sister gave him a stern look and Robert wanted to squirm on the spot. 

And there it was again, the urge to confide in someone, to tell someone about Aaron, to share all the amazing things he did with his friend. He’d love to gush about how funny and caring Aaron was, how he would teach Robert stuff he would never learn in the castle, like which berries one could eat and which were actual poison. 

But no matter how much he loved his sister, she was also very young and had a big gob. She could not be trusted to keep his secret. Robert sighed.

“I just… sometimes need a bit of time on my own,” he said and it was partly true. The rides through the forest on Caesar's back were something he enjoyed just as much as meeting Aaron. 

Victoria kept looking up at him. “I get that.” Of course she did. Her eyes softened and her expression turned longing. “Can you take me next time?” she pleaded. 

Robert nearly tripped over his own feet. “Wha-”

“Con-cen-tra-tion!” Bob reminded them loudly.

“Vic…” he sighed sadly. 

“Please?”

Even though their father had dramatised the hazards, it still was a risky undertaking. Robert was willing to accept that, but he would never endanger his sister. And it was difficult enough for one person to get away from the castle although Robert was an excellent horseman and he and Caesar were team through thick and thin. Vic simply was not experienced enough to escape the guards. And last not least, his whole point of ‘being alone’ - meaning being with Aaron - would be scotched if he’d took her.

“I cannot do that.”

She let go of him and stopped dancing. “Why not!” she shouted, desperation resonating.

“Vic, you have to understand-” he started and rubbed his forehead.

“What is happening?” Bob Hope shouted at them. “Why have you stopped? The music is not over yet!”

“I want to!” Vic insisted and stomped her foot, ignoring their teacher completely. 

Those tantrums were not uncommon and usually Robert tried to see her side and to help as far as possible, like with the secret riding lessons, but that request was something he could not give in to. 

“I said no!” he talked back.

Somewhere the musicians stopped playing, looking around unsure of what was happening between the royal children. Bob walked over to Robert and Victoria. “Your Highness! Princess Victoria! Please, could you-”

“Never am I allowed anything! You are so selfish!” she hissed angrily, turned around and ran away. 

Robert’s shoulders dropped as he looked after her. Bob shouted something and threw his hands dramatically in the air, while Finn kept staring at him. 

The thing is, he truly was selfish. Everything about seeing Aaron was selfish. It caused his mother stress and put Sam’s well-being at risk just like Finn’s once the day of the 7th line arrived. 

Having Aaron’s friendship was entirely selfish.

But it was just what it was and Robert was powerless to change that. 

“Your Highness?” Finn asked irritated when Robert did not head into the direction of his room, but chose another corridor instead. Of course his shadow was following him wherever he went.

“I need to see Vic,” he explained.

Fighting with her just felt wrong and although she insulted him and therefore should apologise to him, Robert knew he had to make the first move. She was young, too young to understand certain things.

“Do you have siblings?” he asked, because walking together in silence was awkward. 

The question obviously surprised Finn because he blushed. “Oh, uh. I have brothers. Older brothers. Your Highness.”

“Can you just call me Robert?” he blurted out and when Finn looked at him in shock, he added: “At least when it is just the two of us?” He hated the formality of the address, he just truly hated it. Finn did not need to know that though.

“As you wish… Robert.” If possible, Finn blushed even more. His name sounded weird out of his mouth, but it was still better than the title.

Robert grinned. Yes, personality wise Finn really was not that bad.

They reached Victoria’s chamber and he knocked softly at her door, waiting for her grumpy reply before he entered her room, then he turned to the servant. “Would you mind…?” He made a gesture for Finn to stay on the other side of the threshold. “I just need a few moments.”

Finn’s gaze flicked from Robert to Victoria and then back to the Crown Prince. “Sure.” He stepped back which Robert appreciated. He could consider himself lucky that Finn had been assigned with the task to supervise him and not one of the older guys who certainly would side more with the King’s orders than Robert’s needs. 

Victoria laid on her bed, pointedly ignoring him by staring at her ceiling. 

“The silent treatment, really?” he asked.

She quickly glanced at him without moving her head, but said nothing.

Robert talked instead. Closing the distance to her, he explained why he could not take her, he gave her all the reasons without giving her the real reason. He nudged her leg. “Come on, Vic, this is you and me. We cannot fight.” He bit his lip to stop himself from grinning when he got an idea. “Or do I need to get the ticky dagon ?”

She gasped and finally looked at him, but Robert already lunged at her to attack her sides. Victoria squealed and tried to squirm away, but he wouldn't let her. Tickle dragon had been their favourite thing when they had been younger and Victoria called it ‘ticky dagon’ because she had not been able to pronounce it correctly. 

She laughed and squeaked and grabbed one of the cushions to hit him. A pillow fight ensued and it felt amazing, being silly like that. 

He was aware that behind them the guards had already checked in on them after hearing that noise, but for once he did not care. 

Chapter Text

He stroked his cheeks, deep in thought, as the servant reported today’s events. So far nothing of interest had been mentioned and yet the story continued and continued. The boy was stumbling over his own words and King Jack slowly but surely ran out of patience so he waved his hand for the attendant to speed a little. 

“Tha- That is all, Your Majesty.” The boy made an unskillful bow and the King rolled his eyes.

“You are dismissed, go back to my son’s chamber.”

Days have passed since their fight, days since Jack had decided his recalcitrant son needed a stronger hand. 

Sooner or later he would obey. 

Jack needed to find a way to tame him, because he was certainly not fooled by Robert’s profound apology and the banal reports of the servant - as soon as he would get the opportunity, Robert would take off again. Even if it was just to spite his father. 

Jack knew him. Jack knew his son better than his son knew himself! 

It is probably down to King Jack’s own misjudgment that he sat back for too long and let things slide, he thought grimly. Sarah had softened the boy too much. Maybe it was also that privileged life without responsibilities that tempted Robert to behave in such a childish manner. Lord knew when his son would finally take the throne - Jack was determined that it would not happen anytime soon by keeping the kingdom out of unnecessary wars, eating well, getting regular treatments from his doctors and ensuring his personal safety with a constantly increasing number of sentinels. But in the meantime, Robert needed a purpose other than being the Crown Prince.

Robert needed to man up.

King Jack rang the bell and told the servant to get his consultant to the throne room. 

When the man in question appeared, he bowed his head and said: “Your Majesty.“

“Send an invitation to the nobles in the kingdom.”

The consultant nodded. “And the reason for the invite, if I may ask, Your Majesty? Do you want to discuss politics?“

“No.“ King Jack smiled mildly. “Much better. Tell them they shall come with their families. We are having a ball.“

Chapter Text

If it was a Monday or a Tuesday or maybe a Thursday - Aaron wasn’t sure, he had no calendar.

He only knew it was the kalends of October and two lines before he would see Robert again when they buried his mother. The wind was cold and it was raining nonstop on this gloomy Autumn day, but Aaron felt nothing. He stood there, numb. 

It was just him and Charity. There were family members somewhere in the country, she told him, other Dingle’s Aaron had never heard off before, but they were vagabonds and Charity had no idea how to contact them. Not even a priest was present, since he refused to bury a whore, a sinner in the eyes of the Lord. They could not afford his service anyway, so Aaron did not mourn the fact. He was not in the mood for praying as he stared at the little mound.

He dug the hole himself, right on the outside of the graveyard wall, on unholy ground. Chas’ grave was not the first one here and it would not be the last. There was no salvation. 

The earth was cold like his mother’s body. Like the wind. Like the rain. Everything was cold. 

Charity tried to say a prayer, but she only knew the first line and then went silent. She had told Aaron that he had done everything he could. 

But had he? Had he really?

After their last fight he had turned his back on her, maybe if he had not done that he might have noticed her illness sooner. They might have gotten the medicine earlier. It might have taken. His mother might be alive. 

She had called him a bastard and it was not like he was not used to that. He heard that a lot. But this was his mother. Who had brought him to this world but had never taken him into her arms, who had abandoned him when he was little to chase her own dream of finding a man and becoming an honourable woman. Aaron had stood in her way, his sheer existence had made it impossible for her and he had witnessed how men had treated her and how his mother had cried and begged them and offered herself-

“I need to go back,” Charity said. Al had only given her the time for the funeral off.

“Yeah.”

She waited for a moment to see if he would add something, but when he remained quiet, she asked: “Are you coming with me?”

“No.”

He stared at the flowerless grave, just mud and dirt, knowing Charity wanted to say something, maybe words of condolence, but Aaron did not want to hear it right now and he just hoped she would just leave him be. Luckily, she did. Charity squeezed his arm quickly, before she left. 

His clothes were completely soaked anyway so Aaron figured he could also sit on the wet grass. He pulled his knees to his chest and put his arms on them. 

Maybe something was wrong with him, he wondered, because he could not cry. Aaron was fairly sure one had to cry if their mother died, even if you were a man. If there ever was a time when shedding tears was acceptable, it would be now, but he felt empty. 

It has been moons ago since their last fight and Aaron was not quite sure what exactly her last words at him had been, but the sentence where she had thrown the words bastard and abortion at him was still ringing in his ears, bouncing back and forth in his brain like a constant echo. Maybe it had been the wine speaking. Aaron knew it affected people who consumed it. In hindsight, now that he had Charity’s explanation, some of his mother’s behaviour made more sense than it had back then. Aaron thought about Chas’ life and their relationship beyond repair. For such a long time he felt nothing but anger towards his mother. And now she was gone and had taken it with her.

She took everything with her, quite literally. The few things she possessed, clothes, a mirror and a brush, they had buried with her. It almost was like Chas Dingle never existed. There was only one thing she left behind.

Aaron. Aaron, who was now an orphan.

After a while, he got up, walked back to the blacksmith’s house and changed his wet clothes for dry ones. Eric grunted in acknowledgement when he walked into the smithy and even patted Aaron’s shoulder. It was awkward and Aaron froze, unsure how to react, before he quietly took the gripper and got back to work. 

He had to keep going. So he kept going. 

Work was a good distraction. It kept him from overthinking, from feeling anything other than his sore muscles and the heat of the fire on his skin. It made time pass quicker.

Ultimately, with every hammerblow he got closer to meeting Robert again. 

Every other day the man from the iron works came over and brought them new material. Since the iron works had opened not far from Emmerdale, the metal became cheaper, which allowed them better deals. At least that was what Eric told Aaron because his master was adamant to negotiate the deals himself and kept Aaron out of them. Aaron doubted the deals were that good, because Eric might be a decent blacksmith with decades of experience on the field, but he was far from being a businessman and his understanding of transactions was outdated since he was, well, a blacksmith for decades. 

Aaron stared at the material, so many ideas forming in his head what to do with it. He thought of chandeliers and smaller candleholders with ornaments, dignified cutlery, adornments and jewellery. The best thing about the metal was all the possibilities it offered. It could be transformed into anything Aaron wanted. 

Sadly Eric’s imagination did not stretch that far.

“Here are our orders,” he said and rattled the list off. Horse shoes, door hardware, more horse shoes, knives and more horse shoes. 

Aaron sighed quietly and went to work, but the desire to create something other than the ordinary stayed with him all day. There was nothing particularly wrong with their work, it was solid work, but Aaron wished it could be more than that. 

“Master?” he asked in the evening when Eric had taken his pinafore off to make dinner. 

“What.”

“I’m not hungry,” Aaron said and gathered up his courage. “I’d like to stay here and keep working instead?” It was not supposed to be a question, but under the hard gaze of Eric Pollard’s eyes it turned into one. 

Eric shrugged. “Go on then,” he said before he disappeared through the door, probably glad not having to feed another mouth. 

Aaron grabbed a new piece of iron and put it into the fire. Working alone was nice, not having to worry about getting scolded by his master. He allowed his muscles to relax as best as possible, enjoyed the warmth of the fire and got lost in the task of forming the metal, reheating, forming and heating again. 

When Eric came back to the smithy, Aaron was startled. 

“I’m going to bed, you need to cut down the noise.”

“Yes, master.”

The man came closer, glanced at the item Aaron was working and narrowed his eyes. “What is that.” His questions always sounded more like impatient orders.

“It is… uh… a candlestick.” Aaron felt his skin heating up. The master’s critical look made him self-conscious. 

“Doesn’t look like one,” Eric muttered grumpily and that was true.

At least the piece did not look like the candlesticks they usually made - simple boards with a nail in the middle to impale the candle on it. Aaron’s candlestick was an artful spiral that was supposed to curl around the candle. 

“I cannot remember that was a part of our orders,” his master said curtly and gave Aaron a stern look. 

“Oh, it is not, master, I thought, I-”

Eric did not bother to hear him out. “You are going to pay for that piece of iron, I am going to take it off your wage.”

Aaron’s shoulders dropped, but he was not surprised at all. Of course Pollard would never give him the metal for free. He nodded in acceptance. 

“Well, then.” Eric cleared his throat. “Cut the noise down and clear everything up. If I find a mess tomorrow morning, you will get 10.”

10 blows with the whip were bearable, but his back would hurt all day and Aaron was not keen on getting punished first thing in the morning. He nodded again, hoping Eric would just leave already. Luckily, his master did just that and Aaron let out a breath and looked down at his candlestick. All in all he was quite pleased with it. It still needed a bit of work, a few enrichments, but Aaron could finish it tomorrow.

He put the piece on a shelf in the smithy, where Holly saw it the following day when she visited him in the afternoon.

“Oh, what is that?” she asked curiously and pointed at the black spiral.

“A candlestick,” he said, once again feeling his nervousness spiking when she inspected the item. He just felt weirdly exposed, because this was something that sprang from his brain, something personal. “It is not finished yet.” 

Holly’s finger followed the filigree spiral. “It is beautiful,” she finally said and smiled at him.

She certainly said it to cheer him up after his mother‘s passing, because Holly was just kind like that, Aaron thought, but he blushed anyway. He was not used to praise, no matter how often Robert complimented him. 

Aaron’s heart ached at the thought of his best friend. Tomorrow he would finally meet him again and Lord, he could not wait for that. One week seemed way too long without seeing Robert. He still felt the ghost of his lips on his cheek and although he was aware it was nothing more than a simple goodbye gesture, it made him hot somehow. Burning. 

He had never seen two men kissing each other goodbye before and the secrecy, the forbiddance of the action did nothing other than intensify that burning. Him and Robert shared this delicate secret. He wondered if Robert thought about it just as often as he did?

“Aaron?” Holly pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Hm, what?” He felt caught and had to turn away to hide his face from her look. 

“I asked if you wanted to join us for lunch tomorrow?” Holly laughed, while Aaron was busy putting some logs into the fire. “I’d cook.”

“If it is fine with my master, then yes, that would be great.”

It turned out, it was fine with Eric. Holly asked him, smiling sweetly and as it appeared the old fella had a soft spot for her. He kept calling her ‘Miss Barton’, smiling softly. A soft smile. On Eric’s face. Aaron wanted to rub his eyes, because he was not sure he trusted them anymore. 

His master was downright smitten with Holly.

A fact that Aaron could use for his advantage, he figured quickly. In the evening he asked if he could finish the candlestick and spend the whole afternoon tomorrow with the Barton’s and Eric actually agreed! And just like that, Aaron had half a day off, for the first time ever. 

Of course he had other plans than spending the day at the farm, but his master did not need to know that, right? Shortly after lunch, he would leave for the lake and wait until Robert came. And they would be together and for once he did not have to worry about a punishment afterwards.

It was then when the first genuine smile appeared on his face this week and it stayed there until he fell asleep. 

He met Adam and John in front of the house where they used water from the small well to freshen up. Moira, Holly and Hannah welcomed the three of them in the farm kitchen, where the food smelled delicious as usual and Aaron’s stomach growled demandingly after two skipped dinners.

“Someone’s hungry!” Moira laughed and gave him a quick but hearty hug. “Put your bag into the corner and we can start right away, how does that sound?”

He smiled. “Actually…” Aaron opened his leather bag, pulled the item he had carried out and put it in the middle of the table. “This is for you.” He bit the inside of his cheeks, feeling extremely awkward when all eyes were on him. “As a thank you. For… you know… inviting me.” He cleared his throat and scratched his eyebrow to hide his face. 

“This is the candlestick you made!” Holly said, surprised. “For us?”

“I felt like I had to do something and I don’t have much money…” he muttered and shrugged.

Moira picked his work up and turned it in her hands. “That is so thoughtful, Aaron.”

“Nice work, mate,” Adam said, nodding and slapping his shoulder. 

“Really nice.” Moira smiled. 

“You should make more of them and sell them on the market in Hotten!” Holly suggested. 

Aaron had thought about that possibility, too, countless times in fact. And yes, he would love to branch out, gain new customers outside of the villagers, he imagined it would be very exciting. Hotten was bigger than Emmerdale, even a few rich people lived there so he had heard. It was not the lack of potential customers that held him back from selling their goods at the weekly market.

“My master won’t let me do that,” he admitted. 

The prohibition did not even make sense in Aaron’s eyes. Eric was wasting a good opportunity, but his master was old, stubborn and in general not a fan of change. He had always sold his works in Emmerdale to villagers only and he was not willing to pack the heavy iron into bags for a stressful ride to Hotten and pay the obligatory tax to enter the city just to stand all day on the market place, haggling over every penny with some arrogant parvenu, as he usually put it. He did not trust Aaron to manage on his own either and so Pollard’s smithy was, as long as the old man was breathing, destined to stay a tiny, local business. With Aaron stuck in it.

He tried to swallow the bitterness down.

“Why not? He should consider it at least!” Holly said and frowned. 

“Holly!” John interrupted his daughter. “Stop putting such nonsense into the boy’s head. If his master does not want to, we must accept that.”

John was a generally kind father who refused to physically discipline his wife or his children, which Aaron gave him high credit for. But at the end of the day he was just another patriarch with conservative opinions like most men had. 

The bitterness became harder to fight.

One day he would get the chance to prove himself and be his own boss. He just had to wait for it. Even Robert believed so. 

Thinking about his friend made his body tingle and he wished he could fast forward past lunch and magically zoom himself into the woods. But of course, as always, time has that weird habit of doing what you least want. It dragged on endlessly. After lunch, Holly tried to wrap him up in a discussion about the upcoming harvest festival which had a long tradition. All the villagers gathered together with music and ale, celebrated and praised the Lord Almighty for his grace. 

For once, Aaron was not feeling God’s grace at all and couldn't care less about thanking him for anything. And secondly, he only fantasised about leaving the farmhouse all throughout Holly’s talking. He hummed here and there, knowing he was a lousy friend, not grateful enough for the hospitality and the friendship, but his heart and his mind were elsewhere and Aaron was powerless against it. 

He feigned a headache and muttered an apology before he rushed out of the house. Controlling his pace and not just running off towards the forest was a challenging task and as soon as he felt safe in the shadows of the trees, he took off. His feet seemed to find the way on their own, a wild grin spread on his face. 

Finally. The week had been way too long. 

Anxiety mixed with his excitement. The fear of Robert not showing up was always with him on his way to the lake. 

This week though, there was no need for it. Robert was already waiting for him and Aaron’s heart leaped with joy at the sight of his friend. If Robert’s bright smile was anything to go by, he felt just the same. Aaron had feared their reunion might be awkward after the kiss goodbye, but all his worries disappeared as soon as they laid eyes on each other.

“Come here!” Robert breathed and pulled him against his body. 

Aaron wrapped his arms around him quickly, held him and inhaled happily. Robert always smelled of soap, clean and pure and elegant, and for years Aaron had been afraid of reeking in comparison, but if he was, Robert had never shown his disgust. 

“I cannot stay long today,” Robert whispered.

Aaron pulled back. “But we just met!” he exclaimed with a sinking heart.

“I know, I know. I am so sorry. It is….” Robert sighed and raked his hand through his blond hair. “... difficult right now. I have to get back before they notice my absence. My father got really angry after last time.” And then his friend told him about the servant who was supervising him all the time. 

“Where is that servant right now?” Aaron asked, frowning and checking over Robert’s shoulders, almost expecting to see someone lurking between the trunks. 

“Bound and gagged in a lumber room?” Robert looked at him sheepishly. 

Aaron raised his eyebrows. “Is that a question?”

“No?”

Aaron huffed, turned away and rubbed his dry lips. “Oh Lord, Robert, what have you done? What if someone finds him?” he asked, terrified. The King will be so mad. Robert will get an even worse punishment. “You need to ride back now,” he said, the decision made despite his protesting heart. “I feel like all of that is my fault.” The guilt started eating him away already, making it hard to breathe.

“Your only fault was to almost drown your stupid arse all those years ago,” Robert opted for a joke, but Aaron did not feel like smiling. 

His friend nudged his shoulder. “Just a little, okay? I will be back before someone notices, I promise.”

Aaron turned back and looked at him sceptically. How could he make such a promise about something that was entirely out of his hands? But as it turned out Aaron was a pushover, weak for Robert’s pleading green eyes, and he nodded eventually. It was that entirely selfish part of him that won. If it only got him a short time with his friend. 

With the forest ground being too cold and muddy, they sat down on a fallen trunk. 

“Enough of me. Tell me about you. How is your mother?” 

Aaron seriously considered lying. Time was precious, even more so today, and he did not want to spend it with heavy thoughts and sadness. Besides, what good would it be when the mourning could not bring his mother back anyway? Before he had the chance to reply, Robert beat him to it.

“Oh no, Aaron… ?”

Either his friend was an unearthly mind reader or he had seen the truth on Aaron’s face. Robert placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. 

“There was nothing the doctor could do to help her,” he said quietly. “He said the illness had weakened her body too much.”

“God, I am so sorry.” Robert looked crestfallen, almost as if he had known Chas himself. “I was young when my mother passed away, but I remember the pain.”

Right. Robert had lost a mother, too. But regardless, this was different, Aaron thought. “I-...” he struggled for words, before he admitted: “There is no pain. There is nothing.” He still had not shed a single tear since Chas had taken her last breath. Aaron stared at his own hands, avoiding Robert’s gaze. “I tried to help her and my mother’s cousin said I did all I could, but in fact it was not enough, not soon enough. She died anyway and you know, sometimes… I even think… ” He stopped himself and bit his lip. 

The hand stayed on his shoulder, warm and grounding. Because Robert was an amazing friend who treated Aaron always like he was someone special. Like he was worth the friendship of the Crown Prince.

Aaron shook off the hand. “Forget it,” he said abruptly and got up. He could not tell Robert his innermost feelings, that was a stupid idea.

“Aaron?”

“I said, forget it!” It was the harshest tone he had ever used against his friend and the effect was instant. 

Robert frowned at him and took a little step back. “You can talk to me, you know that.” He sounded hurt. 

“Maybe I don’t want to talk,” he snapped, before he realised that Robert had to leave soon and Aaron was ruining both their afternoons. A fight was the last thing he wanted. His shoulders dropped and he exhaled loudly. “I apologise.”

It took less than a heartbeat for Robert to relax and wave him off to let him know he was already forgiven. “I just want you to know that you can talk to me,” he repeated. “You can trust me. I always need to be careful whom I tell what is on my mind, there is hardly anyone I can confide in. But you, you are different.” Robert closed the gap between them and his green eyes never left Aaron’s face. “I trust you. And I wish you would feel the same about me.” He spoke so gently and his expression was so sincere, it made Aaron ache. 

“You are going to hate me…” he muttered, lowered his eyes and shook his head.

Robert only laughed. “That will never happen, silly.” He nudged Aaron. “You will feel better if you talk about it instead of bottling it.”

Considering it, Aaron bit the inside of his cheek. Then he shook his head again and sighed. “Sometimes I think, now that my mother is… dead…” he swallowed painfully past the lump in his throat, “I might be able to move on. Be more than just Chas Dingle’s bastard.” His voice lowers to a whisper. “When people forget about her, I can start over.”

There it was. That little, well-hidden, sick and twisted part of him that was almost glad about his mother’s passing. It was a disgusting thought. Aaron was disgusting. Maybe that was the reason why he hadn’t cried since she died, why he was not grieving like a normal person. 

He fully expected Robert to turn his back on him and run and he let out a shocked gasp when his friend hugged him instead. Aaron crushed against his chest, his arms flew up automatically to wrap around Robert’s torso. Nobody said anything for a while until Robert whispered: “I wish you would stop calling yourself that, you are more than that. So much more.”

He said it for the umpteenth time and Aaron thought his life might be easier if he could just believe it. 

“I brought the mood down,” he sighed, ignoring what his friend had said.

“Well, that is nothing new,” Robert teased and released him. A playful smirk tugged on the corners of his mouth, it was obvious he wanted to ease the sadness and cheer Aaron up.

Hiding how much he missed the comforting embrace immediately, Aaron shoved Robert playfully and his friend shoved back. Aaron pushed him again, a bit harder this time. Robert’s jaw dropped and he bristled.

“Provoking your Crown Prince?” he asked and just like that the atmosphere had shifted into something bright and giggly. 

“Oh, the Crown Prince …!” Aaron mocked him, grinning and made a ridiculous bow.

“How dare you!” Robert shrieked, bent down and grabbed a handful of fallen leaves to throw at Aaron.

The leaves hit his chest and fell down, softly rustling. He raised his eyebrows in return and snorted. Then he yelled “ow, ow, ow” dramatically and pressed his palm against his chest.

Only a heartbeat later they were throwing leaves and branches at each other, basically everything they could reach at the floor like back in the days when they were children. It was that silliness Aaron had craved. His heart felt finally light again and he laughed until his belly hurt.

“Truce!” Robert held his hands up, panting. “Truce!” His blond hair was all over the place and tiny chunks of soil and twigs were sticking to it. 

Aaron was breathing hard as well and he agreed easily. 

Robert glanced up at the sky, his expression darkening. “I have to go,” he then said quietly and Aaron swallowed.

There was no way to avoid the inevitable, so better not drag it out. 

“Will I see you in 7 days?”

Not answering straight away, Robert lowered his gaze and Aaron’s heart sank again. “I don’t know? Maybe it is for the best if we cut it down for a while, just until my father has calmed down.”

Aaron had no right to feel possessive, but he had to remind himself about that. “Okay.”

“Just until the dust settles.”

He wondered when that would be. “Okay.”

“Surely, my father won’t control me forever, at some point he has to move that servant off my back and then it will be easier again-”

“Robert. It’s fine.”

His friend looked at him shyly. 

“This is hardly your fault.” Aaron tried to smile. Robert’s sadness was obvious and Aaron wanted to make it easier for him. It was the least he could do after Robert has been there for him time after time. 

“14 days?”. 

Aaron nodded and kept smiling, not feeling it at all. 

Normally, they would hug and bid their farewells, but today neither of them made a move. They just looked at each other. The pleasant tingle in Aaron‘s belly returned with the memory of that kiss on his cheek. He found himself hoping to get another and his face started heating up at the realisation. 

“Look at you,” he was the first one to break the silence, simply because he had to say something to break the tension, “you look like a homeless person instead of the Crown Prince.” He huffed and reached out to pull out the sticks and leaves from Robert’s blond hair. 

In consequence they stood even closer together, so close he felt Robert’s breath on his skin. The green eyes were never leaving Aaron’s face, but Aaron did not dare to return the look any longer. He feared his eyes might give his feelings away. Word said the eyes were a mirror of the soul after all and Aaron wasn’t sure if that was true, but better not risk it, he reckoned. 

“There you go.” He stepped back and swallowed. The smile felt like a grimace.

“Thank you.”

Aaron was fairly sure no one else of the Royal family ever used those words towards anyone, but Robert was different. Robert saw the person, not the servant. 

Robert saw Aaron, not the bastard.

“14 days,” Robert swore to him once more. “Yeah?”

“14 days then.”

His anxiety spiked up again that their goodbye might be awkward after what had happened the last time, but Robert just hugged him as always. Aaron closed his eyes and breathed him in, tried to treasure the moment forever for the memory to feed off in lonely times. 

He turned his head and kissed Robert’s cheek. 

He might or might not linger a heartbeat longer than Robert had done last time. 

When they parted he only dared as much as glance up at his friend and he saw him staring back with a reddening face and bright eyes. Then Robert turned around, rushed to his horse and climbed it with one smooth motion. Robert paused and looked at Aaron again, opening his mouth as if he wanted to say something, but then he closed it, pressed his heels into the horse’s belly and rode off. 

Aaron stared after him until he disappeared between the trees and only then he allowed himself to breathe again. He gasped for air and leaned heavily against the nearest trunk, clutched his chest and only hoped his rapidly beating heart would not fail to work. When he realised what he just had done and how Robert had blushed, a dopey grin spread on his face.

It stayed there all the way back to the village, it stayed there as he entered Eric Pollard’s home, it stayed there until his master looked at him and started talking.

“I know that face,” Eric said and chuckled. He slapped Aaron’s shoulder and it was almost a fatherly gesture from the man who usually raised his hand for punishment.  However, that was not what made Aaron freeze on the spot. It was the words that followed: “You know, for a bastard you could have done a lot worse than lovely Miss Barton. Well, love is an unpredictable thing, right?” 

Wait, what? His blood ran cold, the smile died.

Love?!

Chapter Text

“MMMMHHHMMMMFF!” 

“Will you hold still, for heaven’s sake!” Robert hissed and pulled down the scarf from Finn’s mouth. “Turn around.”

“Why would you do that?” the boy shouted upset and shifted on the floor so Robert could untie the hands behind his back.

Robert did as quickly as possible and admittedly, he did feel bad about how he had wrestled Finn into the closet and then left him there for hours. 

“I’m gonna tell the King!” Finn threatened angrily as he finally pulled his hands free and started ripping off the bondage around his ankles immediately.

“Finn,” Robert reached for his arm. 

“We had an agreement!” the boy glared at him.

It was the truth, the two of them kind of arranged with the situation and although it was far from ideal, it was not a nightmare either. Finn agreed to give Robert space to breathe and in return Robert convinced the King to agree to advance him from a simple servant to a valet which came with a slightly higher wage and some other privileges like better food and new vesture. 

“Did anyone come to my chamber to look for me?” Robert asked and Finn reluctantly shook his head. “So, no one noticed anything and as far as my father knows we were together all day. There is nothing to worry about.”

The valet huffed. “That is easy for you to say! This time you might have gotten away, but what about next time? The King is going to have my head if he finds out that you’re still disappearing!”

“This isn’t going to happen, you have my word.”

Finn rubbed his sore wrists, not looking very convinced. “When he asks me about today, why should I lie for you after what you just did?”

Robert blows out a long breath. He had thought about that when he rode to the lake earlier. “Once I am King, you are still going to be my valet. You’ll want for nothing, I promise. No one will ever punish you or your loved ones ever again as long as you are under my protection.”

Finn narrowed his eyes, considering the prospect. “Me and my loved ones?” he asked to make sure he heard the Crown Prince correctly.

Robert held out his hand. “My word for it. Look, if we are doing this with a bit of planning, we both will get what we want, but we need to trust each other for this. Deal?”

A promise meant a lot to Robert. Ever since he had made a pact with Aaron a few months after he had saved his friend from drowning. The image of the moment is still vivid in his mind, how the two of them had been sitting on the ground, the first fallen leaves already heralding Autumn. 

Let’s swear. To be best friends forever, Robert had suggested.

Okay, Aaron had agreed. And never lie to each other. Lying is bad.

No lies. And we are always protecting each other. Through thick and thin.

Through thick and thin, Aaron had repeated solemnly, had spit in his palm and reached out.

Robert had mirrored his action and although he hadn’t understood why there had to be spit involved - because that was just so gross! - it somehow had made their pact more official. More meaningful. 

It was a promise they both treasured until this day and come what may, Robert knew he could always rely on Aaron’s unconditional loyalty, although they both had been only children, naive and not even understanding half the consequences of their friendship against all odds.

Eventually the valet shook the offered hand. “Deal.”

This time, with the naivety, innocence and sincerity of his childhood days long gone, there was no spit involved. Robert only hoped the pact was still as binding.

He carried the astronomy book under his arm, when he arrived with Finn in the study the next morning. Andrew was already sitting at his desk, making a face. He hated studying and preferred being outside to fight with swords and daggers. 

While Robert enjoyed fighting, he loved learning even more. The fantastic world beyond these walls fascinated him. He envied the scientists who discovered the mysteries of the universe. The medicos who found new ways to cure illnesses. The mathematicians who solved real life problems on paper solely with numbers. 

The world was so much bigger than their kingdom. How many other kingdoms might be out there, Robert wondered every so often. How were they ruled? What laws did they have? 

Maybe he should ask Jimmy about it. Their teacher had been travelling a lot, had seen so much, had met so many people, had access to books. He was a man Robert looked up to, in fact he had more respect for his teacher than his own father. Which was something only Aaron knew, because Robert would never tell anyone else about it. 

Andrew only acknowledged him with a quick look. If Robert wanted, he could make him bow properly like the formalities would require, although they had already attended a joint breakfast earlier. Where his brother, of course, had made an extra deep bow at Robert in front of King Jack. Honestly, Robert had barely refrained from rolling his eyes at Andrew’s antics and his desperate desire to be the King’s favourite. 

As it was, Robert cared very little about the protocol, so he let it slip, sat down quietly and let his eyes wander around. The study was one of his favourite rooms of the castle. Whereas the walls were stoney and grey in every other room, here wooden panels hid the cold tristesse, making the study warm and homey. A giant drawn map of the kingdom and all it’s villages and cities decorated one wall and more often than he liked to admit, Robert’s eyes sought out ‘Emmerdale’ on it. 

Was Aaron already working? Most definitely, his master never let him sleep past dawn. Robert had never met Eric Pollard and the old fella better pray it stayed that way, because he hated this man so much he could guarantee for nothing if they’d ever come face to face. His heart ached for his friend and he worried about his health as always. If Aaron was in pain, or ill or hungry. Robert wished he knew these things. It would make his life so much easier. 

Emmerdale was so close to the castle on the map. In reality it was a whole different universe. 

He sighed.

“Everything alright, Your Highness?” Finn whispered, using the formal title only in the presence of others for which Robert was grateful.

He reminded himself to smile. “Yes, sure.”

A moment later, Jimmy King entered the room and made the obligatory bow in Robert’s direction, before he greeted Andrew and gave Finn a little nod. 

“Your Highness, as it appears we have a slight change of curriculum. We are talking about the noble families of the kingdom today.”

Robert immediately straightened his back and raised his chin. “But what about the Orient?” he wanted to know. He was looking forward to today and all the stories Jimmy certainly would have told. 

Instead they would discuss the nobles of the kingdom? Really? Robert could hardly imagine anything less boring. 

“I’m afraid, I am following orders of His Majesty,” Jimmy said, not looking too keen on the change either. “I am going to teach you all the important families, their bloodline, their rank and political position.”

Robert huffed out an annoyed breath and slumped back against his chair. 

“It’s useful information for you, brother,” Andrew said under his breath, finally looking straight at Robert.

When Jimmy turned around to put his books on his desk, Robert used the moment to wave his brother off. The nobles of the kingdom, alright then.

Their teacher started talking and Robert leaned his chin on his hand, stared at the map again, immediately finding Emmerdale again.

After the study lesson, he approached Jimmy, who was packing away his resources. 

“Jimmy?” he asked and when the teacher turned around, Robert handed him the astronomy book. “When are we going back to the original schedule, what do you think?” He tried not to let the eagerness he felt bleeding into his voice. The smile on his face felt stiff. 

“I apologise for saying that I think you misunderstood, Your Highness,” Jimmy said slowly. “But Your Majesty insisted on a permanent change of your study. We are going to focus on the kingdom and all the relevant politics you need to know.”

Robert wasn’t able to breathe all of a sudden. His father had threatened to talk to Jimmy about Robert’s education and now he had taken the one bit that Robert loved the most. 

He heard Andrew leaving the room behind him, his brother probably being more than happy about the new course of things. “B-But what about the Orient? The ancient writing you mentioned? The medicine they have there?” He knew his facade was slipping and hurt was showing, he had no control at this point over his emotions though. 

Jimmy looked at him and Robert hated the pity he saw there. His teacher tried to mask it, but it was there nevertheless. Robert was not used to pity and he hated it. “Robert,” the man said quietly. He only used the first name when they were alone. Well, Finn apparently didn’t count anymore these days. Jimmy put his hands on Robert’s shoulders. “Maybe the King is right and it’s best for you if you focus on what’s important for this kingdom-”

Robert interrupted him by angrily pushing the hands off him. He had not asked for either Jimmy’s opinion or his pity. 

He wanted to respond something, to make his point clear about what he thinks about the new education curriculum, but his brain only came up blank and so he just left the study with big strides, not waiting for Finn to catch up with him. 

There were days when Robert was doing okay with his role, his daily structure and the constant nagging feeling that he missed Aaron as if he was missing a limb.

Then there were the days when it all became too much, when the walls suffocated him, the endless repetitions of his tight schedule left him feeling dull and empty, the loneliness overwhelmed him and dragged him down into a dreary place where the longing for Aaron seemed to bounce back and forth from invisible dark walls, creating an increasing echo of complicated feelings that Robert had no outlet for. Sometimes he wanted to scream, sometimes he wanted to scream so bad. The frustration and sadness was hardly bearable.

Today was one of those days.

Of course none of his family members noticed it, they never did. Robert smiled whenever he was with them and only Finn got to see glimpses of the truth. It was not his position to ask intimate questions about Robert’s well-being, but Robert knew the valet must have noticed something. Finn seemed extra friendly, tried to make himself more invisible than usual and allowed Robert more space to breathe. Finn offered fresh fruits or to get the kitchen aids to bring up hot water for a bath. Nothing could cheer Robert up on a day like today, though.

He should feel grateful for the service, should feel grateful for the luxury that was his to use if only he said the word. He was aware of the privileges he had. Others would give their eyeteeth for them. But Robert had never asked for them.

The guilt over being so ungrateful added to his sadness, because of course he thought of Aaron who was starving every so often, who never had spent all afternoon lying on silky sheets and doing nothing. Aaron, who had to prove himself every day and earn his money hard.

Only a fool would envy that life.

And yet Robert did. 

If he could move into the village with Aaron, he would. To the hell with all of that pomp when the one thing he craved was not available. 

He had never told his friend, Aaron would most likely advise to seek out the doctors for a check up on his sanity. It’s just a pipe dream anyway. Robert will never live a normal life. 

When he excused himself for breakfast and his studies on that morning, he should have expected the doctors to perform a quick checkup and he also should have expected his mother entering his room just when the Autumn sun was high enough to shine through his window right on his bed, where he was still lying and staring at the ceiling. 

“Robert,” Sarah sighed and sat next to him on the mattress, her belly so big now as if it was about to explode any moment. 

As quiet as possible, Finn slipped out of the door to give them privacy.

Sarah’s cool hand caressed his temple and forehead, almost like a quick check if he was in fever although the doctors already had made sure he was fine. Physically, at least.

“I’m just not feeling well, today,” he said, glancing quickly at her. “It shall be better tomorrow.”

“You are feeling unwell quite often,” his mother said observingly, her expression softened even more and her eyes were full of worry. 

“It’s nothing,” he insisted.

“It is always nothing.” She patted his arm. Then she grimaced and shifted to find a comfy position to sit. It’s only weeks now until she’d give birth.

“Do you need to lay down?” Robert offered, his concern for her rising. It was also a good opportunity to steer the conversation away from him to her needs. 

>>>
Everybody was walking on eggshells around his mother and for good reason. After one stillbirth and one child dying a few days after birth, everyone in the palace feared for Sarah’s and the child’s health.

<<<
The fact that she hadn’t given the King a child yet was something that caused gossip in the castle and beyond, Robert knew that from Aaron and his own observations. Hence the close monitoring of the doctors, who lately ordered her to move less and rest more.

“It’s fine,” was all his mother replied.

“It’s always fine,” he mimicked her.

She looked at him, stunned and then she laughed. “Point taken. It really is fine though. It was just the baby kicking, which means the little one is awake and well. And if you think I am not realising what you are doing, Robert, you are mistaken.” She smiled at him fondly, but it was tainted with a hint of sadness. “You are such an intelligent boy and you care so much for others, but when it comes to yourself, you turn into the biggest fool because you think you have to deal with everything on your own.”

Those words, said with her soft voice, hit him more than he was willing to show and he tried to blink the wetness in his eyes away. 

“We are worried about you.”

At that, Robert scoffed and turned his head away, wondering who that ‘we’ was supposed to be besides Sarah. Surely not his father who turned everything into a mess. 

“Robert,” she sighed out his name.

“My father does not care about me,” he stated matter of factly.

She looked at him, silently, and considered her next words. “He does. More than you know.”

“Is that why he keeps me here like a prisoner?” Robert sat up and crossed his arms defensively. “Strange way to show one’s love.”

“He does what’s best for you,” Sarah said.

In all these years, Robert always assumed her loyalty would be with the King, with her husband, but at least he thought she’d see where he, Robert, stood. He thought she would understand him. His sister was too little and Andrew too much under the King’s spell, but Sarah was supposed to get him!

“You really believe that?” he asked and couldn’t prevent the hurt seeping into his voice. It felt like a betrayal. First Jimmy and now his mother. If it was possible, he felt even more alone now than he had before she had entered his room.

However, he noticed how she hesitated a moment before she said: “He is your father and your King and he makes decisions, what he thinks is in our best interest and we have to trust him on that.”

Robert shook his head slightly.

“You know he wants to throw a ball not long after the little one is born?” Sarah adds like out of nowhere, puts her hand on his arm and squeezes. “He is inviting all the noble families, it is going to be a huge fest. Surely that will lift up your spirit.”

“Isn’t that too much for you?” he asked, frowning. He wondered if the celebration about the new royal Sugden offspring had to be so quick after the birth. 

>>>>
With a shudder he remembered the agonising screams that had echoed through the hallways of the castle, the bloody towels the servants had carried out of his mother’s chamber, the shattered face of Sarah after they had informed her the child had no heartbeat. Births were scary as hell and dangerous as Jimmy had also confirmed to them. Women died from it.

<<<<

But surely, holding a huge ball not long after that must be another way of the King doing what he thinks is best. 

“Don’t worry about me, silly!” Sarah laughed and patted his arm once more.

“I am worried though,” Robert insisted and her laugh ebbed off. “Aren’t you?” he couldn’t stop himself from asking. Considering her past and the nearing delivery he imagined she must be terrified. 

Robert definitely would be.

“It will be fine.” She smiled, but he noticed how it did not quite reach her eyes. 

He wondered how often she had smiled at him like that, without him noticing, using a mask to hide whatever was underneath. The same smile he used all the time himself. “And you are doing it again. We were talking about you, Robert,” she reminded him.

She was sitting right next to him and yet Robert felt a rift between them. 

He was not the only one keeping his true feelings to himself. He was not the only one who rather chose a little lie over a much more complicated truth.

It was just how life inside the castle was. 

Full of lies.

“Well, I will be fine, too,” he said and smiled right back at her. 

“Will the Crown Prince wait a moment if I ask him to?” Jimmy raised his voice after their study hours were finished for another day. 

Andrew gave Robert a questioning look before he left, but Robert had no clue what this was about, either. He walked to the teacher’s desk, Finn hovering a few steps behind him. 

“What is it that you wanted to talk about?”

Without saying a word, Jimmy reached into his bag, pulled out a thick, leather bound book and offered it to Robert. He looked down in surprise and took it. It was heavy in his arms and smelt of herbs.

“What is that?” he asked, stunned, and eagerly opened the first pages. 

“It’s about the Orient,” Jimmy said and when Robert’s eyes flew up at the man’s face, he shrugged. “I figured you might be interested even if it is not part of your education anymore.”

“Yes!” Robert exclaimed quickly, “of course I am!”

He discovered maps when he skimmed the book, texts about spices and herbs, drawings of clothes. It all fascinated him just from the first glimpse. He beamed at his teacher, feeling the best he had in days.

“Thank you, Jimmy.”

The older man nodded at him, fond and Robert hurried to leave the study to draw back into his room. He needed to read this book right now,

“I need it back, though!” Jimmy shouted after him, amusement in his voice.

“Yeah, yeah!” Robert hollered cheerfully and took off. 

Only a few minutes later, back in his chamber, he ripped off the stiff tunic he had to wear. With a happy sigh, Robert got comfortable on his bed, just when Finn entered the room. 

“Ask the kitchen maids to prepare a food plate for me and you,” he told his valet, signalling he needed a moment on his own. “I’m feeling hungry.”

“As you wish, Robert,” Finn said obediently and Robert knew he was more than happy about that task.

The staff in the castle, servants and maids, knew each other for years, often they were befriended and of course Finn had spent a lot more time with them before the King had ordered for him to stay at Robert’s side all the time. It was obvious the valet missed his friends and who could relate more than Robert?  

It was a win-win for both of them, because surely Finn would spend longer than necessary in the kitchen and Robert had time to breathe and read this new book. 

Carefully he turned the pages, loved the crinkling noise they made and the exotic smell they spread in his chamber. The author had travelled various countries and written down his experiences and observations and now he took Robert on that fantastic journey. He learnt about their way of dancing, their different clothing and with every page, his curiosity rose.

When he reached the chapter about social structure and society life, his breath hitched and then he downright froze in shock. There was a painting in the top left corner and Robert blinked, once, twice, three times. The drawing did not magically change, it stayed as it was, as the author had sketched it when he wrote the book. 

But this couldn’t be!

Robert quickly tore his eyes away only to glance back down a heartbeat later.

Or could it?

He had never seen this before. He had never known this was a thing before. 

His body flushed with a sudden heat and his belly started tingling. And, to his utter surprise, the parts between his legs started tingling as well. Robert gasped and quickly closed the book. He sank back into the soft cushions, eyed the door, strained his ears to hear if anyone was approaching his room. When he heard nothing, he reached down and carefully touched the bulge his leggings built. 

The heat morphed into a warm sensation. Robert let out a shaky breath. 

Then he took the book up again, opened it and searched for the page he had just discovered. 

The page that turned his whole world upside down.

The page with the drawing.

Of two men kissing.

Chapter Text

Robert was weird. And that was new. He’s never been like that. 

Right from the start of their meeting, everything was awkward. The hug that usually was warm and welcoming, that felt like coming home after a long journey, was quick and stiff. And Robert avoided eye contact at all costs.

He talked a bit about the past two weeks, but he said it to the floor, to the trees, to the shore of the lake. Not to Aaron. Where their arms would touch normally, now was a two feet wide gap between them. Robert was out of reach. 

It had to be that kiss on the cheek, Aaron realised anxiously and his stomach twisted in knots. After only one look at Aaron’s face, Eric Pollard had assumed he was in love… What if Robert thought the same?

What if Robert was disgusted by it?

It probably wasn’t even true! It certainly wasn’t true! 

After all, love only happened between women and men. It never happened between two men, that was simply against nature. It was common knowledge and although Aaron was just an uneducated bastard, even he knew it! 

But then he had kissed Robert on the cheek, longer than necessary - it had not been necessary at all, mind you - and Aaron had ruined everything in one moment. Robert was grossed out and acting all weird. 

More than anything, Aaron wanted to reach out, to touch. They had always been tactile with each other, both touch-starved and enjoying their closeness. Today, it was all gone. All the easiness was gone. So Aaron kept his hands on his lap, kneading his fingers to keep them warm. 

Robert had not even really smiled once so far. He had confided in Aaron about being forced to smile at court years ago and Aaron felt guilty for wishing Robert to smile although he obviously did not feel like it today. Robert should never be pressured to pretend, not with Aaron. But that smile meant the world and if Aaron could see it only once , he’d know everything would be alright again! Whatever bothered Robert, it surely would pass if he’d only looked at Aaron and smiled!

It did not happen though and their whole meeting was tense and almost formal. They parted sooner than they normally would, the sun was still shining from the sky although the days got shorter. 

He feared that might be it and his friend would tell him not to meet him ever again. Aaron tried to steel himself for the loss that seemed so inevitable. He just lost his mother but this was a thousand times worse. It couldn‘t be happening, they had a pact! His eyes started burning and now he was glad that Robert was looking in the other direction. 

“Soo…”

“So?” Aaron felt sick. This was it. He was so sure of it. And he was only seconds away from puking on the forest ground. 

“My mother is about to give birth soon and…” Robert sucked in a harsh breath as he considered his next words. “I don’t think I can make it in 14 days. I’ll have to stay with the family.”

“Of course.” Aaron’s lips felt numb as he uttered the words.

Robert had not acted this way the last time his mother was due to deliver a child.

“21 days?” his friend suggested.

Those were a lot of lines to carve into the wooden panels under his bed. Never have they been apart that long. Never, in all those years. 

Maybe Robert felt too tied to their pact which is why he tried to let Aaron down slowly. Maybe Robert thought it was easier that way. Little did he know, because Aaron would prefer the quick and hard way instead of this horrible feeling of slowly drifting apart and losing what once bound them together. He was not sure if he could handle that.

“Alright,” he agreed nevertheless. He couldn’t even blame Robert for slowly removing him from his life. Maybe it was always their fate to end like that.

He thought back to the night in the barn that happened not too long ago and he thought how Robert had held him and had whispered all those promises, like a light and a warmth in the midst of darkness and cold. Aaron wrapped his arms around himself almost as if to relive that feeling again.

The goodbye hug Robert gave him lasted about a heartbeat and instead of a peck on his cheek, Aaron received a single pat on his shoulder.

It hurt more than Eric’s punishment two days ago.

5 lines later Aaron found himself on the village square, holding a jug full of ale and watching the women dance around a giant fire. The annual harvest festival marked the end of Autumn and Aaron felt the crisp air on his backside while his front was warmed by the flames. Never being a social person due to his upbringing, he stood a bit offside while he observed Adam and his father talking to other men of the village, all of them being wrapped up in conversation and laughing loudly above the music of the flute and the harp. With Moira right next to her, Holly was circling amongst the other women, her long brown hair flew and her dress fluffed up with every turn she took. She was grinning wildly, the fire bathed her in soft orange light and Aaron thought she looked beautiful.

She looked beautiful.

And she was funny and fierce and Aaron liked her. 

He liked her, because she was an amazing girl.

If only he could love her.

Holly was perfect for him, even Eric Pollard thought so, and Aaron’s life would be so much easier if he could just love her, court her, wed her and start a family with her. 

He had thought a lot about it since his master had caught him off guard on that fateful night where he had foolishly ruined his friendship with Robert. The longer he reflected on his and Holly’s relationship though, he realised it was not love. He did not love her. 

His thoughts drifted off to Robert and Aaron necked his ale and sighed. 

What he felt for Robert was different, a whole lot different.

More.

But that was hardly surprise, considering they had years of history whereas him and Holly only had met a few months ago. And Robert was his friend, his closest friend, the one person he could confide in, who was there for him always. He was basically a substitute for the family Aaron never had. 

If anything, Aaron loved Robert like a brother . 

Aaron, being an only child, did not know how love between siblings felt but he imagined it like that. 

Hoping it would cast away his sadness, Aaron got himself a new drink. It did not work like that, his mother being the devastating reminder of it. His sadness would not vanish with alcohol, but at least it would be dulled for a little. It was the most he could aim for. 

When he wandered around, he spotted Hannah sitting on one of the hay bales they had draped around the square to make it look more festive. She looked just as sad as Aaron felt, so he walked over and sat down beside her.

“Hiya.”

“Hello, Aaron.” 

Hannah was the youngest and by far the quietest of the Barton siblings and Aaron had not much to do with her in the past, but he still liked her. 

“Do you like your first harvest fest in Emmerdale so far?” he opted for a little small talk to get the conversation going. 

Whereas the other girls and women put an effort in their dressing for the special occasion, Hannah was wearing the same wide brown linen dress he had seen her so often in. Aaron was not one to judge though, he was not much better with his worn out jacket and his trousers with the seams that had come loose already. 

Hannah shrugged, stayed quiet and kept staring at a group of boys her age. Aaron glanced at her and saw the longing in her eyes. He reckoned she was a bit too young to have an eye on boys, but if the past few days and weeks taught Aaron anything it was that he had no clue about love.

Lest if he was capable of it after all. 

“Someone you’re interested in?” he asked, teasingly, and grinned.

Hannah did not laugh or smile in return though. She pulled her legs up and hugged her arms around them. “Maybe,” she finally said without taking her eyes off the lads. Just when he wanted to ask who of the four boys she fancied, Hannah turned to him. “How is it, being a man?”

The question totally caught him off guard. “What?” he frowned, not really getting what she meant. 

“We are stuck with the household chores, we are expected to obey, to be the sweet, perfect daughters and spouses, but you… men,” she emphasised, looking back at the boys, “you can go out and work and go where you want to and meet who you want to…” Hannah trailed off, her eyes glazing over as she got lost in her thoughts. “You can just be free.” She only breathed the last sentence and Aaron was not even sure he heard it correctly with the music and the talking and singing and laughing of the people.

He swallowed and stared at his own hands, holding the jar. “I think you’re asking the wrong person.”

Freedom. Not as long as Eric Pollard walked on this damned Earth, that was for sure. He took a big gulp of his ale to drown the bitterness that started creeping up from his stomach.

Hannah muttered an apology and ducked her head sheepishly.

“It’s fine.” He bit the inside of his cheek and side looked at her.

Everybody around them was enjoying themselves, but here they sat with heavy hearts and it seemed nothing was able to lift their spirits. The two of them were like on a lonely island in the middle of a sea of happy people. 

“Do you wish you could be somewhere else, sometimes?” Hannah asked quietly. “Be someone else?”

Aaron’s heart ached as he stared into the flames. “All the time.”

“I’m getting in so much trouble,” Aaron groaned, but Holly only laughed.

It had been entirely her idea and now they were on their way to Hotten, on the back of one of the Barton horses, with a backpack with two candlesticks, two pendants, an armlet, a scoop and an axe. Everything he crafted in the past few days, in the extra hours he used to distract himself from thinking about Robert. 

Eric had watched him like a hawk with growing sullenness, but Holly had shown up one evening and gushed over Aaron’s ‘artwork’ as she had called it and that had somewhat softened the master. He still didn’t approve though.

He still forbade Aaron to sell his items on the weekly market in Hotten. And yet, here he was, on this doomed mission, all because Holly led him astray. This was going to be so bad if Eric would find out. 

“This is so exciting!” Holly exclaimed, obviously not worried at all. “I have never been to Hotten!”

Well, neither had Aaron. He only heard stories about the city, from his master mostly, bitter complaints about basically everything. The sight of the giant city wall alone scared him, but he tried to hide his anxiety from Holly. He reminded himself to man up. Aaron grit his teeth and nudged the horse with his heels to keep moving towards the huge tower with the gate where two bulky and grim looking guards stood, holding up their spears, ready to attack.

“If you wish to pass you have to pay the toll,” one of them hollered. 

Their horse bristled and fidgeted nervously on the spot and Aaron tried to calm it down with a few strokes and pats on its neck. He had known about the toll beforehand from Eric’s anecdotes, so he pulled out the little leather bag where he saved up his money. 

Too afraid of what might happen, Aaron had left half of his savings under the hay he slept on. Riding around with so much money seemed too risky. 

He paid what was due, slightly disgusted by the hungry looks and lewd grins the guards threw at Holly as if she was a mere piece of meat. His friend, however, didn’t seem too bothered since she was too busy to peek through the passage behind the walls. Aaron puffed out his chest and angled his body to shield Holly from their dirty stare. A bad feeling spread from his guts that maybe it was a terrible decision to bring Holly along. Even if it had been her idea in the first place, he should have been adamant for her to stay in Emmerdale. The feeling of being responsible for her well-being on this foreign terrain weighed heavy on his shoulders. 

Aaron had only a vague idea what to expect from Hotten, but as usual, reality was a whole lot different. 

The city was not some evil, rotten place, an accumulation of criminals and charlatans. The market was not an overcrowded, loud and hectic event where sellers tried to rip off the passers-by and buyers haggled to avoid paying a fair price. 

In fact, although it was busy, the atmosphere was quiet and unhurried. As it turned out, it was a bit too quiet. Because the people who strolled around the market to stop here and there to buy some goods, didn’t even cast a glance at Aaron and Holly who stood awkwardly behind their blanket where they had draped Aaron’s products.

With a sinking heart Aaron saw other smiths with heavily loaded carriages full of metal ware. Tools, horse shoes, door hardware, locks - you name it. He had been a fool thinking anyone would give a toss about his handful of stuff. 

Holly witnessing his failure made it even more embarrassing. She was unusually quiet and stayed a bit in the background, just like the other women did. They saw them helping to carry the products, but the business was done amongst the men only.

Not that it mattered. Because Aaron would not sell anything anyway.

His master had been right. He should have stayed in Emmerdale. This was too big for him.

The money he lost today, just to get here to fail… It stung. It stung even more knowing he had only so little left. 

“We’re packing,” he snapped at Holly, deep down blaming her for everything. It was not his finest moment, but suddenly it all became too much.

His failure, the suffocating realisation of being not good enough, of being stuck in this shitty village forever. The humiliation. The unbearable hurt of thinking of Robert reassuring him over and over how talented he was. The unbearable hurt of thinking of Robert, period. 

Everything was a mess, a damned mess inside Aaron’s head and heart and he just wanted it all to stop, to curl up on his bed, close his eyes and shut the world out.

“Aaron,” she started and tried to take his hand, but he yanked his arm back.

“This is a waste of time.”

“Lawrence, look, this is nice!” a voice sing-songed merrily behind them.

Aaron swirled around to see an elderly couple staring at his blanket. Wait, that was not entirely true on the second look. The man was older, but the woman was probably about his mother’s age. Judging from their clothes they were reeking of money. The lady wore a fine dress in a shade of blue that matched the Summer heaven and the man had on a doublet that stretched over his round belly, adorned with silver ornaments.

“Look at that armlet!” The woman said excitedly to the man and then she held out her arm expectantly and gave Aaron a meaningful look. 

For a moment, Aaron was so dumbfounded and shocked that actual people, wealthy people, were interested in his crafts that he just stood there, gaping.

“Letting us wait? What kind of behaviour is that, boy?” The man raised his voice and gave Aaron a once over that clearly stated what he thought of him. Which was not much.

His hackles raised. 

“Apologies,” Holly hurried to say, bent down and picked up the armlet, pressed it in Aaron’s hand and elbowed his side. “Go on,” he whispered through gritted teeth. 

Aaron swallowed and slid the armlet over the woman’s wrist. She raised her arm to get a closer look at the adornment. “I love this!” she chirped. “Lawrence! Look!”

“I see it, I see it,” the man, Lawrence muttered, not sounding nearly as enthusiastic as his female company.

“I want it,” she demanded bluntly.

“Bernice, darling…” Lawrence started exasperated.

“We have a matching pendant!” Holly piped up, interrupting him. “If you want to have a look,” she added, a bit quieter when she realised her mishap because Lawrence glared at her angrily. Then the older man’s gaze switched to Aaron.

“You need to teach your wife some manners, boy.” His voice was sharp and cold. 

Aaron balled his fists and bit his tongue to stay quiet at that. He knew what the old man was implying, which kind of ‘teaching’ he meant. He’d only known this man for a few minutes only, but that was enough to hate him.

Instead of answering something he might regret, Aaron picked up the pendant Holly had mentioned and passed it to the lady who seemed more friendly. The smile on her face widened. 

“Gorgeous.”

Lawrence directed his attention back to Bernice again and he visibly softened. “I already bought new jewellery,” he reminded her indulgently. “For the ball.”

Bernice huffed. “You can hardly expect me to wear that here in Hotten,” she tutted him. “I need something more… simple around here.”

“Yes, simple it is,” Lawrence muttered unimpressed, arching a brow when he looked at the ornaments.

Aaron tried to ignore the sting. “It's simple elegance,” he said stiffly. 

“Exactly!” Bernice beamed at him.

Lawrence rolled his eyes. “6 shillings for both.” Obviously he had lost his patience and wanted to move on quickly.

Aaron worked several evenings on these two pieces, they were worth more than what was offered. It was pretty offending, actually, considering the money they obviously must have. “10 shillings,” he countered and Lawrence's face twisted in a bizarre mixture of fury and surprise. 

“Excuse me?! 7, and this is my last offer.”

“9,” Aaron said and his heart was ready to explode in his chest, but he was determined not to show it to those people. “This is my last offer.”

Lawrence opened his mouth, but Bernice put her hand on his arm and stopped him. “Just give him the money, Lawrence.” She gave the man a stern look and Aaron noticed how Lawrence’s defensive stance slowly melted away. 

Bernice had, without a doubt, wrapped the old lad around her little finger.

Aaron was not even bothered to cover up the smugness he felt when Lawrence handed the money over, grinding his jaw and muttering a curse. 

The pair walked off and Aaron stared at the shillings in his hand. This was more than the toll they paid to get here. He actually made a profit. From selling only two of his items. 

“Aaron!” Holly squealed and hugged him excitedly.

He closed his fist tight around the money and hugged her back. His chest swelled with irrational pride, because that had gone well, hadn’t it? And the lady had made compliments about his work and then the buyer's face when he had to pay the price. That was hilarious! Oh my gosh, what an adventure this day was, a constant up and down of so many emotions and Aaron could not wait to tell Robert about-

The pang he felt knocked the air out of his chest. 

Just at the same moment when Holly kissed him. 

Chapter Text

“Would Your Highness please turn around?”

Bored did not even cover Robert’s current mood. He complied to Rishi Sharma’s plea anyway, because he was the Crown Prince after all and he had to fulfil his Crown Prince chores, if he wanted or not. Keeping his arms spread wide, he turned around so he was facing the mirror again. 

Sharma, the tailor, kept adjusting needles dangerously close to Robert’s skin in the fabric he had draped around Robert’s torso. It was satin, imported from Italy from what he was being told, smooth and cool, a golden yellow, going to be the tunic under a cloak made of green velvet. Yellow and Green, the colours of their kingdom that Robert was meant to represent at the upcoming ball. 

Everybody was fussing about the dance, but Robert mostly was irritated about the whole affair. His mother had to lay in bed now, the strict bedrest being an order of her doctors. Nobody was able to predict if this baby would survive the dangers of a birth and yet the King planned a whole spectacle. The ball was highly inappropriate in Robert’s eyes, but he did not dare to speak up against his father’s plans since he longed to get back into Jack’s good books to stop him from breathing down Robert’s neck.

And things were slowly looking up as it seemed. Because if the ball had one positive side effect, it was that King Jack’s time was occupied with preparations. Despite that, Robert had found a good solution with Finn, a truce which allowed both of them some privacy. But one bad word from the valet to the King ultimately could mean serious trouble and Robert could never be sure to fully trust the boy.

Trust was a delicate thing for Robert, with Victoria being too young to keep a secret, his mother living in loyal devotion to Jack and his brother following his own agenda. 

The only person he fully trusted was Aaron.

Robert closed his eyes for a moment, to hide from his own reflection when he thought of his friend.

“Would Your Highness lower his arms, please?”

Rishi Sharma was one of the worst when it came to the formal speech the protocol insisted and Robert despised it with every fibre of his body. Nevertheless, he lowered his arms obediently. New adjustments were being made. 

They all got new clothes for the ball. Not that Robert deemed it necessary, they had chambers full of tunics with and without embroidery, but he seemed to be the only one sulking about it, because Victoria certainly was over the moon when she had come back from her dress fitting earlier. Even Andrew seemed happy with the frock he got. His ornaments weren’t quite as exclusive as Robert’s, with only being the adopted son and not the descendant by blood. Robert was the first in line to succeed the throne and if the child in his mother’s womb turned out to be a boy, then even he’d come before Andrew in the line of succession. 

Law aside, deep down Robert knew that his father would rather see Andrew on the throne. His brother had always been the favourite since the day he had set a foot into the castle. 

And then, as Robert stared at the expensive clothes in the mirror, his thoughts drifted inevitably back to Aaron. Aaron, who had no fine attire at all and was mostly walking barefoot during Summer to prevent the one pair of shoes he owned from falling apart as long as he could. Aaron, who had no fine clothes and still was the finest human being Robert knew. 

His chest hurt. It hurt and he could hardly breathe. 

Robert had to close his eyes again for a brief moment to collect himself, fearing his emotions might show on his face, before he plastered that practised smile back on it.  

It has been two weeks since he had seen Aaron, but he barely had a recollection of their meeting. Heavens, his head had been all over the place after the drawing he had discovered in Jimmy King’s book. 

That damned drawing that turned everything upside down. 

The two men and their intimate embrace. Their kiss.

At the mere thought of it, his body went hot, the tightness around his chest intensified. He couldn’t breathe. He needed air. It suddenly became way too hot in the tailor’s chamber. Robert shoved the fabric off his shoulders, the protesting noise of Sharma just a distant murmur as the sound of his blood rushing through his ears drowned out everything else. With shaky legs, Robert stepped down from the footrest he had stood on and strode towards the door. He didn’t look back, tried to inhale despite the pressure on his chest and just kept walking the endless corridors of the castle.

A labyrinth of concrete walls with him trapped inside.

It seemed to take an eternity until he finally reached the doors to the garden. Robert pushed them open and rushed out, the cold air hitting his bare torso like a wall. Finally he was able to gasp and fill his lungs. He slowed down and made his way to one of the benches. The stone was ice cold. His body cooled down eventually as he sat there and breathed deeply through his nose. It smelled of snow and the bright grey sky certainly looked like it. Winter was coming and Robert hated it already, missed the warmth of the Summer. Missed the lake. 

Bathing.

Laughing.

Silly dunking battles with Aaron.

Aaron, Aaron, Aaron.

Robert wanted to scream in frustration. Just as he started to shiver, a furry cloak was thrown over his shoulders. He looked up and met Finn’s concerned gaze.

“Robert, you’re risking pneumonia.”

He only huffed a laugh at that. The prospect of being in bed all day, hidden from his draining chores, did not sound as bad in Robert’s mind as Finn might consider. The valet took the place next to him.

“Are you alright?”

It was almost ironic that the question was so simple, only three words, and yet the answer could not be more complicated. 

Robert’s belly was filled with meat and fruits, he already finished his studies for the day, the finest materials kept him warm no matter the temperatures. He never had to work manual labour, never had to endure physical punishment. He was going to be a big brother once more soon, his family was the richest in the country. Objectively he was more than alright. Privileged. Blessed. 

He should want for nothing. 

Robert turned to Finn and smiled. “Yeah, I’m fine, just needed fresh air!”

His mother’s pained cries echoed through the castle. Robert remembered the last time he heard her being in agony and the memory still haunted him. A birth was a public business at court and naturally everybody was busy. Doctors entered and left the royal private chamber, bishops walked in, holding candles and murmuring prayers. Valets brought clean sheets and carried bloody linens away. 

The King stood outside with his children, waiting. Robert hated every second of it. He felt useless and wished there was something to take his mother’s pain. Births were nasty business and though he’s being taught that everything follows God’s plan, Robert wondered why the Lord had to be unnecessarily cruel like that. 

Vic cried silent tears next to him as their mother let out another sharp yell.

A moment later another voice came from the chamber. High-pitched and shrill. Robert shared a hopeful look with Victoria and King Jack made a step towards the door, before he turned around and put one of his giant hands on Andrew’s shoulder for a squeeze. 

Because of course, he turned to Andrew. 

Their father smiled. “It is a boy, I can feel it,” he said.

Robert‘s gaze flicked from Jack to Andrew whose expression darkened at the words. Bewildered, Robert registered that the King was utterly oblivious how his wish for another male heir must hurt his stepson since it would push him further down in the line of succession. The sweet satisfaction to witness the sting his brother felt, Robert quite enjoyed it. 

The child was born, but it took another waiting period until the door opened and the clerics appeared, followed by the medics. One doctor held a tiny bundle. They bowed their heads to the King.

“Your Majesty.”

“What is it? Is it a boy?” his father asked impatiently.

The doctors shared a quick look, then one of them cleared his throat. “It is a girl, Your Majesty,” he stated and the other man offered the child for the King to take.

As soon as the gender was revealed, Jack’s shoulders dropped ever so slightly. He stared at the bundle. Then he smiled. “Take the child to the wet nurse. It should not be here in the cold hallways. Keep it warm and ensure its health under all circumstances,” he ordered and the doctors took another bow. “How is my wife? Is she being taken care of?”

“Yes, Your Majesty, we will stay with her during childbed.”

King Jack looked pleased. “Very well. As my presence is not required any longer…,” he started and turned to his personal valet. “Inform the nobles of the birth, keep quiet about the gender for now. We will reveal the name of the child very soon.”

The valet nodded dutifully and King Jack walked off without looking back, his long cloak waving after him. When the doctors made a move to retreat into the royal chamber, Robert stopped them. 

“Can I take her?” he asked, holding his arms out.

The doctors hesitated for a second, probably wondering if they should follow the King’s order and hand the baby immediately to the nurse, but eventually one of them nodded.

“Of course, go ahead, Your Highness. Careful with the head,” he advised when the bundle was being handed over.

Robert pressed it to his chest and used his free hand to lift the towel his sister was wrapped in to get a better look. Her little face was red and her brown hair was covered in something white.

“Is this normal?” Robert asked worriedly.

The doctors smiled. “Absolutely normal, Your Highness. The newborn will receive its first bath in the next hour.”

Lord, she was so, so tiny and fragile. So beautiful. Robert stared at her, blown away. Vic clinged to his arm and was just as enamoured as he was and even Andrew sported a rare soft expression. The child made a grimace and moved, before it let out a quiet smack and went easily back to sleep, exhausted from the birth process.

Robert was overwhelmed with the urge to protect her forever so he made a silent promise to rule the Kingdom as wise as possible. He would ensure Vic’s and her wellbeing and safety always.

His siblings took turns with the newborn next and now that Robert came to think of it he realised that his father didn’t even hold the child once. 

The King, as a firm believer of God, always distrusted science, and the fact that new revelations often came from other cultures or countries were at enmity added onto that. Of course, his heir learning all the things Jack was oblivious to, had always been a thorn in his flesh. Hence, the new curriculum for Robert, Andrew and Victoria. The kingdom’s geography instead the study of Greek and Latin, economy instead of biology, religion instead of astronomy. Their new study activities had been the King’s wish - which might appear as an act of well-meant fatherly concern about the education of his children. Never being one for naivety,  Robert knew the real reason behind it. It was yet another attempt of Jack to gain more control over his offspring. To shape them after their father’s personality, form them to loyal servants of the crown.

It wasn’t a difficult task with Andrew, always one to please the King eagerly. Victoria was another story. Her time in the study chamber was down to her own will, since the alternative would have been endless days of stitching, knitting and basically waiting for the man who’d ask for her hand in marriage. While the King would have preferred Victoria to behave like an obedient daughter should, he grudgingly accepted it with an exasperated eye roll. Robert’s sister was known for her epic tantrums, and Jack was resigned to the fact that the stubbornness of the princess was going to be the problem of her future consort. In the end, Victoria ultimately was happy with any kind of studies as long as it allowed her to escape her destined path. 

Robert was the one who was punished with the new curriculum. 

Or, well. The one who was supposed to be punished. Because now that Robert sat through Jimmy King’s lessons, he wondered if his father’s plan might backfire terribly.

The more Robert learnt about economics, he also learnt how farmers and fishermen had to pay enormous tributes to their liege, how tax collectors travelled around to bill weavers, tailors, cobblers, carpenters, saddlers and all the others. Blacksmiths. Like Aaron. 

Almost feeling ashamed, Robert realised how much the common folk were forced to pay and how little thought he had spent on the issue so far. Aaron usually won’t talk about money and switched the subject as soon as it came up and Robert only knew as much as it was a very sore affair for his friend. Now he understood why. 

The system, Robert had to admit, was effective in its cruelty. It kept people small, allowed them to live on the breadline, while at the same time, the rich became richer by every month. 

“What happens if they can’t pay their taxes?” he asked.

Jimmy stopped his monologue and blinked. “That, if I may say so, is a very unlikely and theoretically-”

“Maybe,” Robert interrupted him. “But what if this happens as unlikely as it may seem?” He felt Andrew’s glare on his skin, but he ignored it. 

Weather could ruin the harvest, people could get sick and need their money to get medicine and what not. There were lots of different reasons why people might struggle to cover their dues.

“Well,” the teacher took a breath, “the collectors would pawn something of their belongings of similar value.”

Robert frowned at that. He didn’t know about other common people, only Aaron, and Aaron had close to nothing apart from the clothes he wore. “What if that’s not enough?” he dug deeper. 

“If this extremely unlikely case would occur, Crown Prince, I believe they’d go to jail.”

Jimmy King’s words hung heavy in the air and Robert felt his gut wrenching at the prospect that this might be a possible fate for his Aaron. 

“Are you pretending to be shocked, brother?” Andrew finally speaks up, his tone slightly mocking. “The crown won’t accept loafing. Honest working citizens have nothing to fear.” 

Robert bit on his tongue, and he bit on his tongue hard. He wanted to talk back desperately although he doubted his brother would change his mind anyway. It was a pointless argument. 

“If I have any interest in your opinion, I shall ask for it, brother,” Robert replied, sweetly emphasising the last word.

It didn’t hurt to remind Andrew of his place every once and then. Robert’s words clearly stung as they hit a nerve and his brother’s expression turned sour. Robert would lie if he said he didn’t enjoy it a little bit. 

Robert turned the key to lock his chamber from the inside, leaned against the cold wood and took a steadying breath. 

Jimmy had asked him about the book and if he’d finished it by now. 

Considering that Robert had read much thicker books in less time, the questions of his teacher shouldn’t have come as a surprise for Robert. Still, he felt being caught on the wrong foot. 

Just the mere mention of the book made his ears burn and his heart speed up. 

Robert knew he had to hand it back, otherwise he might raise suspicion of why he had such a special interest in this particular piece of literature. Jimmy King must have read it as well, must have seen the picture as well. 

With his heart still drumming painfully in his chest, Robert walked to his bed where he had hid the book under his mattress. His father still paid him impromptu visits and Robert would have died on the spot if the King discovered it. After pulling off his tunic, he was left in his cotton trousers and a white linen undershirt and the cold Winter air that had seeped into the stoney walls of the castle made him shiver. It was a welcomed cooling down though, helping him to calm down a little. Once the burning of his ears faded, he carefully took the book out and stared at the leather cover for what felt like the thousandth of time.  The author of the book had travelled around, visited various countries far away from the kingdom and captured his experiences in all its fantastic details. 

Robert opened the page with somnambulistic precision, like he’d done it so often in the past weeks. 

However, the picture, no matter how often he looked at it by now, had not lost its effect on Robert. Not at all. 

He felt a sudden heat in his lower belly and his manhood twitched. Robert had been horrified when this happened the first time, but now he found himself almost used to the sensation already. After double checking if the door was absolutely, safely locked, he laid on his bed.

Except in his head he wasn’t on his bed. He wasn’t in his room and neither was he in the castle. 

“I missed you,” Robert breathes, and for the first time in weeks, that pressure on his chest eases.

“I missed you,” Aaron says back and smiles, one of his tiny, shy smiles. 

The desire to touch is too big to resist and Robert reaches out to rest his hand on Aaron’s cheek. There is so much more he wants to say, things he barely has words for, but it seems that Aaron understands anyway because his smile widens. He is devastatingly beautiful with his dark wild curls, his striking blue eyes and that bit of stubble on his cheeks.

Robert leans in, slowly, closing the gap inch by inch. He wants to enjoy this moment, savour it forever.

When their lips touch, they tingle. It’s like a spark igniting millions of nerve ends. 

>>>>>

Robert shifted on the bed, causing the trousers to rub against his member. This was new and the unexpected feeling made him gasp. He blinked his eyes open, lifted his head and looked down at himself. He was erect now, straining, aching. With trembling fingers he reached down and swallowed thickly. He’s never given in before. There was nothing that came close to the heated arousal that shot in his lower belly and spread throughout his entire body as soon as his palm pressed down on his hardness. 

Oh.

It left him hungry for more. He repeated the motion, to check if he could reproduce that sensation. 

His head fell back on the pillow and he bit his bottom lip to stifle a moan that escaped his throat. 

Robert never felt this good. It didn’t take long for his hand to find a rhythm and that amazing feeling kept growing and growing, spiralling to new highs with every harsh inhale he took. There was also a little part of him struggling with shame and guilt as if what he did was a forbidden sin, but for the life of him he could impossibly stop now. The pleasure was overwhelming and Robert’s eyelids fluttered shut, the book slipping out of his left hand. It wasn’t needed anymore.

Robert is back with Aaron again and this is Aaron touching him in the most intoxicating way, looking at him with lust-filled eyes, smiling with kiss-swollen lips. He’s perfect. 

A name, whispered and cherished like an oath tumbled from his lips when something inside of Robert’s body snapped and erupted. He sobbed when the stimulation suddenly got too intense. Wetness spread on his belly and for a hot second he feared he might faint. But then the moment passed and Robert lay there, feeling weightless. Boneless. Floating.

<<<<<

His lips prickled, as if still feeling the phantom kiss of his fantasy. 

Robert blinked dazedly and tried to focus his eyes on the ceiling. Along with the surroundings, the guilt came back as well. The horrifying awareness that what he just had done was wrong. A sin. 

His crotch was cold and wet, but it did not smell like pee. This was different. Robert slid the thumbs into the waistband of his trousers and carefully lifted them to peak at the mess. It did not look like pee either. He remembered Jimmy King talking about bedding a woman once - an extremely awkward lesson about marriage - and now that Robert thought of the mention of bodily fluids that had to be exchanged to create new life, he slowly realised what just happened.

His mind was still foggy from the aftermath of his eruption, but one thing hit him with an all-consuming clarity and there was no point in denying anymore. 

In theory he should want for nothing. 

But Robert wanted. Riding on Caesar's back, feeling the wind on his face, marvelling in the beauty of soft undulating mounds and valleys. Endless greens. He wanted to ride to the little lake, a sanctuary where he could just be. Be with Aaron. Look into his blue eyes, listen to his raspy voice and laugh about his snarky remarks and tease him. Aaron could make him forget everything else.

Robert wanted.

Forbidden. Wrong. Perverse. Unspeakable. Unthinkable. 

Robert wanted Aaron, not only as a friend. He wanted to be with Aaron like the men in the book, like in his fantasy. He wanted Aaron like he never wanted anything before. 

“My dear Robert.”

His mother was still pale, but smiling when she lifted her hand to reach for him. Robert took it and brushed a featherlight kiss on her knuckles, before he sat on her bed. Sarah needed to rest after the birth due to the bloodloss she suffered, otherwise she was fine according to the doctors. 

“How are you feeling?”

She blinked slowly, tiredly, and let out a deep sigh. “Like I could sleep for days.” Her smile widened. “But otherwise I’m fine.” He must have made an unconvinced face, because she added: “I promise.” She squeezed his hand. “How are you? Tell me everything I missed.”

Robert complied, they talked about this and that, and he gave her an update about the latest gossip at the court he knew his mother loved.

“You seem different,” she suddenly said.

He froze in response, fearing she somehow might be able to see on his face what he was doing every time he was alone in his room. Robert had given in to the lust several times now, the temptation being too big to resist. “What?” His cheeks started burning from shame.

“You seem happier.”

“Oh.” He blew out a breath and laughed shakily. “Yes. I am. There was a lot on my mind...” he started vaguely and Sarah nodded understandingly, although she could not know the truth behind his words.

Robert had spent a lot of time thinking about Aaron. He knew they were impossible, with him not only being the Crown Prince and Aaron being a commoner. No, they were both men. A relationship of two men was unheard of, marriage illegal. 

But Aaron had kissed him on the neck. And Robert had kissed his cheek, worried he might have crossed a line, but Aaron never minded their closeness, their hugs, their hands touching. Instead Aaron had kissed him again and he smiled at him, sometimes so sweet and soft, that Robert couldn’t help but think that maybe…

Maybe.

Maybe there was a tiny chance that Aaron might feel similar. The more he thought about it, the more he convinced himself that all those little moments had to mean something. They had to. How could they not? Aaron and him were perfect together. Amazing. Aaron must feel this, too.

And if there was a tiny chance, then Robert had to try. He had spent several nights lying awake mulling over it and eventually set his mind. The next time he was going to see his friend, he would tell him.

“But now I know what I want,“ he continued. “And that‘s-” He paused. “It feels good.“

As scary as the prospect of losing the only friend Robert ever had was if in the end he did read it wrong, his intent was well considered and felt weirdly freeing. It was like a weight lifted off his chest and Robert finally could breathe more easily again.

“Always follow your heart, Robert,“ Sarah said warmly, then her eyes started glinting. “Remember these words at the ball, will you?“

Robert refrained from rolling his eyes at the mention of the stupid ball. He was so done with it. “Don‘t you think this is too early?“ he voiced his concern for the first time.

Drawing her eyebrows together, Sarah looked up at him confusedly. “Too early for what?“

“The ball!“ Robert says loudly. “Everything. All that fuss! You are still in childbed!“ He gestured wildly at the room in general and then at his mother.

Not to mention that his sister was still in critical condition. As far as Finn had told him, the kitchen helper had overheard doctors coming out of the wet nurse’s room and talking about the child‘s skin being yellow tainted. That surely wasn‘t healthy. Robert decided not to bring that up though. His mother hardly needed the stress right now. 

“Oh, don‘t worry about me. It‘s sweet that you are always looking out for me.“ Sarah lifted her hand and touched his cheek. “But it‘s really not necessary. This is your big day.“ The smile on her face was back. 

“My big day?“ he echoed dumbly. 

All this time he had assumed the celebration was to welcome the new princess, but suddenly a bad feeling settled in his stomach, heavy like a stone.

“When you‘re going to choose your wife.“

No. His body turned ice cold when it finally clicked and he saw the ball for what it was. Never had it been about the newborn. It was part of Jack’s plan to tame him, by marrying him off to a noble daughter. 

He felt sick. 

His chest was achingly tight again.

He thought of blue eyes, a raspy voice and dark curls. 

“Oh Robert, it is going to be wonderful.“

Chapter Text

Finally, things were looking up for Aaron.

Somehow, Eric continued to let him use the tools in the evenings, so Aaron managed to create more pieces and improve his metal artwork. It resulted in him returning to the market in Hotten frequently, people stopping by his offered goods and acknowledging him with a friendly nod the week after. Hidden under the hay of his bed, his leather purse slowly filled again with money. And in general, Aaron’s master appeared a tiny bit softer around his hard edges, his punishment wasn’t as excruciating as they had been in previous years. He still overlooked every hand grip in the smithy with hawk eyes, but he stepped more and more back from labour, handing over more responsibility to Aaron.

It might have to do with Eric’s age and his aching bones, the old man mellowed with time. 

It might also have to do with the fatherly smile he always showed when Holly visited Aaron. The soft spot for the young woman was undeniable and Holly played along by batting her eyelashes at him and then slagging him off as soon as she was alone with Aaron.

And they were alone more often now.

Now that he was officially courting her. 

Right after their reckless first trip to Hotten where she had kissed him weeks ago, Holly had gone home and happily told her parents about them. The next time Aaron had been over at the farm for lunch, James Barton had patted his shoulder amicably, welcomed him to the family and Moira had hugged him and kissed his cheeks until he had trouble breathing.

Astonishingly, that feeling wouldn’t fade even after she had released him. 

“And then Joe had the audacity to demand even more corn than the last time he fixed our roof although he did the exact same thing and when he knew that the summer had been way too hot and dry to gather a high-yield harvest. He knew it and still it didn’t stop him from his request. The cheek! He really has no shame at all. Mum was fuming and you should have seen Adam, he was livid! He even told him-... are you even listening?” Holly tugs his arm with the hand she had sneaked around his biceps earlier when they had started strolling.

Apparently that was what you do, taking a stroll, when you are courting a woman. 

Aaron had no clue about it, if he was honest, but Holly had come into the smithy with a bright smile on her face, chirping a cheerful “I’m taking Aaron!” to his master. Eric had agreed with a smile in return, although Holly’s sentence had been more of a statement rather than a question. And so now Aaron found himself walking up the mound behind the village where the winter sun was already about to melt with the treeline. 

“Of course, I’m listening,” he insisted and hoped she would miss the blatant lie. 

“Aaron.” Holly gave him a look. “I know you better than you know yourself.”

Aaron truly doubted the first part of the statement although the second part still was some work in progress. “My mind is on a lot of things lately, that is all,” he said vaguely. “I’m sorry.” That was certainly no lie. It was not Holly’s fault that Aaron was a bad friend. 

Or, a suitor. Which was probably the more accurate term for his status with Holly. 

“You know, you can share your thoughts with me, yeah? Whatever troubles you, you can tell me, okay?” She squeezed his arm and gently nudged him.

Her offer was well-meant and he smiled dutifully in return, but otherwise he stayed silent. There was no way he could possibly tell her about his best friend, whom he missed terribly. The cold hollowness inside his body that intensified every day they’d been apart, the ache to see him again. Desperate to skip time, every night he carved another line into the floor of his room and he realised that he was still too far away from 21.

21 days, 21 lines, that was their agreement and Aaron hated every minute of it. 

Before the situation could get awkward between him and Holly, she cleared her throat, took a look around and breathed: “It’s so beautiful up here, don’t you think?”

They have just reached the top, where a small path wound between the fields. Behind them laid Emmerdale village, in front of them the fields stretched down the valley to the forest where the little lake was hidden and far behind that had to be the castle, Aaron reckoned and stared at the horizon as if he’d suddenly might peer a stoney tower if he’d only look long enough. Somewhere over there was Robert.

It was a great panorama, but on a closer look, the fields were muddy and abandoned during the cold months, there was no soul in sight and the occasional scarecrows gave it an eerie touch. 

Aaron always preferred a tiny lake over endless fields.

God, did he miss Robert.

He only hoped his friend was doing alright and not still suffering from the King’s anger. 

“Yeah,” he eventually replied and turned to Holly. “It’s beautiful.”

In a world where he had close to nothing, not even a choice how to live his life, his thoughts and feelings belonged to Aaron and to no one else. 

His clothes were drenched and water dripped nonstop from his hair onto his shoulders, but what difference did it make to the ongoing rain that poured down on him?

Wind soughed through the forest, branches swayed and rustled, cut into Aaron’s wet face like a knife and somewhere above his head thunder rolled. He shivered uncontrollably and deep down he was aware of the risk of getting sick with the same disease that had taken his mother. 

Aaron closed his eyes and lifted his head towards the sky. 

His fingers were numb. His whole body was numb.

The weather resembled his core and Aaron wasn’t sure, but he remembered Robert using the term analogy once. The weather was an analogy of his feelings. Robert was brilliant with words. Robert was brilliant, period.

Robert didn’t come.

Drops ran down Aaron’s temples and cheeks, they were warm instead of cold, but once again, what difference did it make?

It was the 21st day after their last meeting, Aaron was sure of it. Never had he missed to carve a line and he double checked this morning, body buzzing with energy and anticipation to finally come here again. 

But now it was getting dark already and Robert didn’t show up and Aaron felt incredibly lost. Should he stay and wait? Should he come back tomorrow? When would he see Robert again? There were only so many lies he could tell Eric to sneak off into the woods. 

Instead of going back to the village, Aaron aimlessly wandered around, a tiny part of him holding on to the desperate hope to hear Caesar’s neighing and the soft thumping of his hooves any second. 

He always assumed he’d known every stone around here, but to his utter surprise, he discovered a little cave. Aaron crawled into it, sat on the floor and pulled his legs close to his chest. At least, he was shielded from the storm here.

When he finally walked back to the blacksmith’s house it was already dark, the rain had stopped and even a few stars shone down between the dark grey clouds. Aaron thought back to the day when Robert had showed him the book about the Sun, the Moon and the Stars. With a sad pang in his chest, he realised that he’d forgotten most of what it had said by now. He wished he would have memorised it better. But all he remembered was how excited Robert had been, how his eyes had been sparkling and how he had combed his fingers through his blond hair. He also remembered Robert reading for him. 

Aaron looked at one particular bright star and wondered if Robert just sat at a window looking at the exact same star at this very moment. Somehow, that was a consoling thought. 

It was a slow day at the market in Hotten as it seemed to be too cold for the people in the city to go shopping. Holly, ever at his side these days, chatted animatedly as if she didn’t mind the temperatures at all, and Aaron nodded, smiled and grunted a little answer whenever it was his cue. 

At some point during the afternoon, she kissed him again. It was their third kiss and for the third time, Aaron’s stomach churned, when her lips pressed down on his and he smelled and tasted her stale breath. He wondered if his reaction was normal, if he was supposed to feel like that, but considering the wide grin on Holly’s face, her flushed cheeks and her dark, hooded eyes, she seemed to enjoy herself. 

Aaron did not enjoy himself. 

He excused himself with the lame pretence to check on the horse which they had bound a bit further away since it was not used to more than three people at once and got spooked easily. After taking one quick look from afar at it so he had not uttered a complete lie, Aaron walked through the booths on the market square. He knew he couldn’t stay away for long, but he took a moment to have a look around. Apart from the nighttime, he was almost never by himself. Either his master was overlooking him or he spent time with Holly and the Bartons. It was nice, being on his own if only for a short time. 

In hindsight, Aaron would not be able to explain how he ended up in the church, just that the biggest building at the square somehow drew him in. The priest in Emmerdale had hated Chas’ guts and he always treated Aaron like dirt under his shoe. Never would have Aaron be welcomed or even allowed to visit a service and to this day he never missed it. But here he was, walking through the opened massive gate of the church, getting swallowed up by dim candle light, nose assaulted with a musty smell. Weirdly, the building seemed even bigger from the inside with its high ceiling, giant chandeliers and wall paintings. Despite even the tiniest sound could cause an echo, it was remarkably silent. Calming. 

Aaron stayed in the back, in the shadows, watching people kneeling and praying. 

He never got why people found solace in doing that. 

The longer he stood in the corner near the door, the more he found himself staring at the cross in the front. Aaron raised his chin defiantly as if challenging Jesus or God or whatever people liked to believe in. One sign, he thought heatedly, give me just one little sign that you’re real, that you’re listening. Or just one sign if Robert is okay.

He swallowed and the lump in his throat made it painful. 

The initial sadness of Robert not showing up had been quickly replaced with worry about his friend. From countless conversations Aaron knew how much pressure weighed on Robert’s shoulders, how the Crown felt more like a burden than a blessing and how his father didn’t approve of Robert’s interests. And during their last meeting, his friend had acted all weird and tense and Aaron was eaten up with guilt that he didn’t confront Robert about it. 

If only I could see him, if only there was a way to sneak into the damned castle and see him, Aaron thought. 

When he stepped out of the church a moment later, he squinted his eyes when the brightness of the grey winter sky hurt his head. Two women about his age walked past him, forcing him to take a step back without even acknowledging his presence as they were engrossed in an animated talk. 

“She’s insufferable ever since she got that stupid invitation!”

“Isn’t she just! Chrissie is such a snob.”

“Who even wants to go to this royal ball anyway. It sounds stiff and boring!”

“The whole town has gone crazy about it, and it’s still a week to go.”

“Oh, look at that lovely hat over here, it would fit so nicely…”

Aaron stopped listening to their chatter. He heard enough. There was a royal ball. A big festivity with loads of people going in and out of the castle. Suppliers coming and going, guests arriving with a bunch of servants. Despite never having been to a royal ball of course, that was how Aaron imagined it at least. Who would notice one man more slipping through the gate? Right?

His heart beat wildly in his chest and for the first time in days, Aaron felt… 

He felt.

Excitement and hope turned his body warm and made his skin tingle, the numbness finally erased. 

He had to admit that the plan that was hastily forming in his mind was completely insane, the chance of actually seeing Robert close to none and not to mention the trouble he’d certainly get with Eric. However, gritting his teeth with newfound stubbornness, Aaron was determined to make it happen somehow. 

He turned around to the church and looked through the doors. The light through the tiny windows behind the cross at the altar was just enough to bath it in a white halo. Jesus stared right back at him. Aaron wanted a sign and even if this was nothing more than a pipe dream, he’d take it. 

His courage most definitely ran out by the time he reached the outer borders of the castle.

Never had he been that far away from the village and with every step he had taken, his heart had sunken further, unsure if he was heading in the right direction, worried about the rage of his master once Eric would find out that he disappeared before dawn, scared of the unknown ahead of him.

But whenever Aaron considered turning around and running back home, he remembered Robert coming to Emmerdale to see him. No danger, no fear could have stopped Robert and Aaron would never forgive himself if he gave up now.

With a wild beating heart, he sat in the shadows of the treeline, chewing on the piece of dry bread he nicked from his master‘s kitchen, and watched the going ons on the other side of the river.

The massive walls of the castle rose higher than Aaron imagined. Behind them he saw not only one big building, but various rooftops and several giant towers that allowed the royal guard to overlook the whole area. He knew that there was a forecourt where the attendants lived and the royal crafts were. The court was like a town of its own, with blacksmiths, saddlers, tailors, cobblers and whatnot. Robert had told Aaron about life at the castle, its dimensions and the layout of the buildings, but hearing it and seeing it were two entirely different things. It was intimidating. 

However, that had somewhat been expected. What Aaron honestly had underestimated was the amount of royal guards securing the entrance and the outer walls of the castle. How on Earth did Robert manage to escape every other week from there? Now that Aaron saw it with his own eyes, the risks his friend repeatedly had taken for him were even more admirable. 

Now it was his turn to be brave. 

When he noticed a carriage approaching the castle, using the forest trail not far away from Aaron, he watched how it crossed the bridge and stopped right at the gate. He couldn’t see what was loaded since the back was covered with beige linen, and he couldn’t hear what the driver spoke with the guards, but after a short moment, the carriage disappeared through the gate. Maybe it was a delivery for the ball, Aaron mused.

He took the last bite of his bread, chewed slowly and waited.

It took all of his willpower not to puke. The sharp stench of the fish was something else. 

Aaron stared at the boxes in front of him and dead fish eyes stared right back at him. They swam in a puddle of water to cool them down on their way from the coast to the castle. Of course, the carriage Aaron secretly jumped on to sneak into the castle was a food supply of a fisherman. A moment later, the carriage stopped and Aaron heard the coachman talking to the guard. He couldn’t see what was going on because of the linen, so he stopped breathing and tried to listen in. The anxiety kicked back in, when the voices got louder.

“... take a quick look.” The man who the voice belonged to, walked along the carriage, only inches away from where Aaron was hiding.

From his crouched position behind the boxes, Aaron’s eyes quickly darted around to check if his hideout was safe enough. In his panic, he grabbed one of the fish baskets and pulled it quickly over his head. Aaron could only hope that was enough. 

He heard the linen rustling. 

The carriage tipped to the side.

Heavy footsteps.

“Christ, I‘ll never get used to that smell!” the guard cursed and coughed. Another man made a gagging noise. 

Liquid dropped on Aaron’s hair and neck and he didn’t know if it was water or blood or some other fishy fluid.

The leather boot of one of the guards appeared in Aaron’s vision. They were right next to him. 

Aaron’s heartbeat was so loud, he feared they might hear it. 

“Let’s get outta here.”

Footsteps.

The carriage swayed. 

More goo ran down on Aaron.

The vehicle jarred once more, heavier than before. 

“Alright, you can pass.”

Aaron slapped a hand on his mouth to keep the sob in. He thought he’d pass out from sheer relief when the driver clicked his tongue and the horses started moving. It got darker as they made their way through the passage of the thick walls and then, Aaron was inside the royal castle.

Chapter Text

Robert pulled at his sleeves, already feeling too hot under all these layers of cotton and satin. The collar, despite being measured and tailored, was suffocatingly tight. It made breathing hard.

Or was it his aching chest?

He didn't know. Everything seemed to ache these days.

Robert closed his eyes and willed this unpleasant feeling of dizziness to subside. That he had felt too sick to stomach his breakfast earlier didn't help. 

Everybody around Robert was buzzing with unusual energy. The excitement over the royal ball was palpable. Vic chewed his ear off about her dress and his mother ordered the barber into the royal chambers to give them all a makeover. His father didn't get tired of rattling off the names of the nobles who announced their attendance, a pleased smirk tugging the corners of his mouth. Even Andrew seemed excited.

Everybody around Robert was floating, but he was drowning, stone-heavy. 

A knock on the door startled him. "Yes!"

Finn stepped in, and despite his heavy mood, Robert found himself smiling at the looks of him. The valet had also been dressed up, with a frock that reached his calves and shiny new shoes decorated with giant straps and satin bows. It was a glaring contrast to his usual low-key appearance —Finn's clothing style was just like his personality. 

"Now, look at you!" Robert teased while the valet blushed, his struggle with his new outfit becoming obvious. 

Instead of biting, Finn said, "It's time."

The smile dared to slip off Robert's face despite his will, but hopefully, he managed to put his mask on before Finn noticed. "I know."

As they made their way through the castle's corridors down to the Throne Hall, Robert's mind wandered to his stallion, Caesar, whom he hadn't ridden or seen in days. He dreamt of sitting on the horse's back, holding onto the mane while galloping across the kingdom's fields. He imagined the strength of Caesar underneath him, the cool wind on his skin, the wild grin on his face—the taste of freedom on his tongue. 

He imagined Aaron riding next to him.

Suddenly, a lump formed in his throat and from one heartbeat to another, Robert was close to crying. 

Would he be able to meet his friend after his father got his will and Robert took on a bride?

Robert was used to not having a say in his life. He just followed the path generations of men before him had gone. Theoretically, it sounded simple; getting married, father heirs to the Crown, reign over what was his land just as he had been taught since birth. Pass on the tradition.

The theory sounded simple, however, reality was a different thing, entirely. Everything about his future scared Robert to the marrow. 

No matter how often his mother happily mentioned her pride about him "becoming a man" —Robert didn't even know what that meant. Wasn't he already a man? Why did he need a betrothed to achieve the status?

Robert was not supposed to question his life, but he did it anyway. 

"The preparations are almost finished," Finn informed Robert, pulling him out of his thoughts. "The first guests are expected to arrive in half an hour."

The closer they got to the Throne Hall, the louder it got. Voices and footsteps echoed from the stone walls, and metal clattered. It smelled of food and ale. 

"Good," was all he said back, knowing he was expected to welcome every guest with his father. This procedure certainly would drag on endlessly. Robert dreaded it. He felt like a lamb lead to slaughter when he shuffled his heavy-feeling feet after his valet. 

All of a sudden, the voices downstairs became louder, and Robert also heard the typical clatter of the royal guard's armour. 

"Let go of me! Let-! Oi! Get your hands off me!" someone shouted, and Robert froze.

Because he recognised that voice, he recognised that voice, he recognised that voice here! Lord knew he'd recognise that voice everywhere but in the castle?! That was impossible! It couldn't be. 

The moment his heart jumped and went into double speed, he started running, pushing past Finn towards the noise. 

"Robert? Your Royal Highness?" the valet yelled after him, but Robert kept moving, more stumbling than anything as his knees dared to fail their purpose. Finally, he reached the end of the hallway. He came to a halt at the top of the enormous staircase that led down to the giant foyer where, in less than thirty minutes, the carriages of the nobles would arrive. 

There he was, Aaron, in flesh and blood. Royal guards held him to his left and right, arms twisted in their rugged grip. 

Robert nearly shouted the name of his friend in surprise and shock, just managed to hold himself back last second, and all that escaped his tight throat was a desperate whine. He cleared his throat and roared: "What is happening here!" Luckily, his voice did not betray his body and reveal his wild, beating heart. 

Heads turned towards him, Aaron's as well. When their eyes met, time seemed to stand still. 

"We found this individual loitering in the royal yard, Your Royal Highness."

"And?" Robert snapped. "Lots of people are sojourning outside. What reason is there for this citizen of our kingdom to receive this treatment?"

The guards shifted on their feet and exchanged a look. "Well, Your Royal Highness, this man hasn't been seen here before. He carries no identification documents and refuses to give his name."

Robert's stomach dropped because he knew what would happen next. The guards were about to bring Aaron to the King for His Majesty to decide his friend's fate. Today was a big day for the royal family, and it was highly likely that Robert's father would make a short process to make the 'problem' disappear before it could cause further disturbance. 

Robert strode down the stairs, almost tumbling due to his trembling legs; all the while, his useless brain tried to come up with anything to get his friend out of there safe and sound. When he walked over to his friend, one of the guards hit Aaron's head so hard he nearly fell. Only the grip of the other guards held him upright. 

"You take a bow when you meet Your Royal Highness!"

Robert wanted nothing more than to reach out, pull Aaron away from their violent hand, embrace him into a hug and never let go. 

Aaron blinked, dizzy for a moment, but then he awkwardly lowered his torso and glanced up at Robert through his dark lashes.

Robert‘s mind took him back to the lake, the laughter of his friend echoing in his ears, exaggerated bows and Aaron's playful singsong 'Your Royal Highness', hair still wet from swimming, water droplets sparkling on his skin. It had been just a tease between mates; never had Robert expected him to bow his head for real, and it felt so wrong. The two different worlds they lived in became painfully apparent. 

"Enough!" he barked, swallowed past the lump in his throat and took a calming breath. That's when an idea hit him. "Well, he's obviously one of our kitchen aids. Or why else do you think he stinks of fish?"

The guards exchanged looks again, this time more uncertain than before. 

"Isn't that true, boy?" Robert directed the question directly at Aaron, pleading with his eyes to play along.

Aaron took a shuddering breath and nodded jerkily. Robert shifted his attention back to the guards, satisfied with the answer. 

"Did you look for weapons?"

"Yes, of course. He didn't carry any, Your Royal Highness."

Robert raised his eyebrows. "Then why are you still keeping hold of him? Surely, he has work to do. The guests are about to arrive soon, hungry from their exhausting travels, and my father does not allow any incidents tonight!"

Reluctantly, the guards let go of Aaron, their expressions wary. Robert did not dare relax yet. "Your duty isn't needed any longer here. Go back to patrolling outside," he ordered, then, after waiting for their bow, he turned around to look for his valet. As expected, Finn stood behind him, ever a quiet shadow. "Thinking of it, I feel a little hungry myself. I'll take the boy to the kitchen. Let my father know I will see him directly after."

"My Lord-" the valet piped up, looking sceptical. "I'll come with you."

"What? Don‘t you think I‘m capable of doing this on my own?" Robert lifted his chin. "Are you insinuating this unarmed, untrained kitchen aid can overpower the Crown Prince and endanger mine and the kingdom's safety?"

Finn's eyes widened as he realised his mishap. "Of course not, of course, I mean-"

"Good." Robert did not wait for more nonsensical rambling. Instead, he grabbed Aaron's arm with faked force to demonstrate his power before his valet. "Go on then," he snapped and shoved Aaron forward. 

Despite every step they put between themselves and Finn, Robert sped up their walk anyway, feeling Finn's observing gaze lingering on his back. They passed guards and rounded a few corners to the castle's kitchen. It was separated from the other rooms of the  by a spiral staircase that led downwards to keep the typical noise and the smoke of the ovens away from the royal chambers. The preparations for the ball were in full swing, and the smell of baked bread and broiled meat entered Robert's nose. 

As they passed the pantry, Robert assured himself that no guards, maids or servants were around. He opened the door and quickly pushed Aaron inside the small chamber. 

After he closed the door and turned to his best friend, he breathed a second. Aaron was here! Robert still couldn't quite believe his eyes. 

"Robert…"

"No! Stop!" he snapped and closed his eyes. He needed that moment to collect himself. The panic about seeing the guards detaining his friend, the knowledge of what might have happened if he hadn't recognised Aaron's voice, if he'd gone to the Throne Hall only a couple minutes later… The shock had shaken him to the core, and his heart clenched painfully when he realised how close it had been! "What in Satan's name are you doing here? What are you thinking?" he hissed and angrily ripped his eyes open. 

The tiny window barely let any light in, but Robert saw Aaron flinching and frowning. "I just wanted to see you."

Robert slapped his hand against his forehead and felt cold sweat on his skin. "Are you insane? This is reckless and dangerous, Aaron!"

"So, what? You coming to Emmerdale was just as reckless and dangerous!" Now, Aaron sounded angry himself.

For a heartbeat, Robert was speechless at the sheer stubbornness of his friend until he deflated by letting out a long sigh. Of course, Aaron was as stubborn as a mule. If he got it in his head to see Robert, not even a moat, brick walls and hundreds of armed guards could stop him. 

Robert gave him a long look, taking in his friend's wild curls and his eyes shining determination in the last bit of daylight. Then he threw his arms around him and pulled him close. "Aaron," he whispered, broken, desperately needing him close, to feel him and reassure himself that his friend was here and safe, at least for now. 

Aaron hugged him back, his grip as strong as ever, and Robert sagged against his body.

"Lord, you really do smell rank," he muttered, nose squished against Aaron's warm neck. Still, not willing to let go yet. 

"I sneaked in with a transport of fish."

Robert huffed a laugh at the mental image and tightened his hold before he sobered up. "They'd almost thrown you in the dungeon," he whispered, shivering at the thought.

Aaron remained silent this time, maybe only just grasping the danger he'd been in now. 

"You can't just come here, Aaron. You can't be that careless." The 'I need you to be safe' went unspoken. He released his friend from his embrace. "I'll see you out to the back, to the stables. That's my usual escape route. But we have to be quick-"

"What are you on about?" Aaron interrupted him, irritated.

"You need to leave, obviously!" Robert elaborated, flailing his arms. "As soon as possible."

His friend snorted. "Yeah. No."

"What do you mean, no." Robert frowned. Honestly, apart from his father, no one except Aaron contradicted him. With the King, it mostly felt pressuring and condescending. It always reminded Robert of his place, destiny, duty, and devotion to the Crown. Aaron, however, challenged Robert in a way he appreciated. Usually.

Now, not so much.

"I came here for the ball. I'm not leaving without seeing it! I want to see you, like…." Aaron paused, taking a small step back in the tiny room to gesture at Robert's attire. "Being a prince."

At that, Robert could not help but smile. Something loosened inside his body and chest, and warmth blossomed from his belly. Finally, he could breathe without that ache he had felt for days. And a selfish, tiny part of him thought that, yes, he wanted Aaron to be here, too. It'd be easier to face the whole ordeal of the bridal search with his friend being close.

He gave Aaron a look, mulling over the limited options they had. "Alright. I might have an idea. Come."

"...my father always says I have skilful hands, which is a nice compliment, don't you think? Perhaps that is why I already started embroidery when I was a little child. It's such a meaningful way to spend time creating something beautiful, don't you think? My mother taught me that being productive makes life worthwhile, and I enjoy it very much. If I dare say so, my Prince, I am quite talented. If you want to look at this piece I made for you, especially…" The woman who kept rambling and constantly asking his opinion without letting him answer presented a piece of cloth with stitched flowers in the kingdom's colours. 

It was an excellent piece of work, Robert admitted. "This is a beautiful handkerchief," he complimented Lady Kate. Or Cathryn. He was unsure at this point, having heard so many names and met so many women tonight that his memory was messed up. 

Her proud smile faltered ever so slightly. "It's a pillow slip," she corrected him stiffly, then remembering whom she was talking to, she added more sweetly: "Your Royal Highness."

"That is, err, a small pillow." Robert frowned at the tiny square. 

"It's for decoration, not sleeping." Kate or Cathryn forced a polite smile. Still, their encounter had switched from wooden to awkward.

Robert accepted her gift and blindly held his arm out behind his back. A moment later, the pillow slip was being taken from his hand by Finn. The valet was spending the evening as Robert's shadow, and this was, by far, not the first present he took care of.

Robert had accepted drawings, letters, books, and several handkerchiefs. 

All in all, the night was not the total disaster he had expected it to be. There had been pleasant conversations, some more than others; some had been slightly awkward. Overall, the women seemed to be nice. Eager, but nice. The musicians played uplifting tunes to which Robert danced with various ladies, his belly full of food and wine. 

And yet, Robert felt the King's eyes like heavy stones pressing down on his shoulders. Jack sat on his throne, a pleased smile on his face, head bobbing to the beat of the music, and his piercing eyes were on Robert all the time. The steady reminder that this ball was not simply a joyful event. Not for him, at least.

When Robert glanced at his siblings, dancing and laughing carefree, he longed to be in their shoes without the pressure of finding a bride.

A loud noise pulled him out of his thoughts, and Robert looked to the right, where the servant hurriedly knelt to pick up the brass wine goblets he had dropped. Luckily, they had been empty, as Robert could not spot a mess on the floor. He watched the rushed, clumsy movements and heating cheeks and smiled when the servant eventually got up.

Aaron might be good with metal, hammers, and whatnot, but as soon as he had to handle a tray with fragile goods, he turned endearingly clumsy.

Their senior kitchen maid, Diane, had eyed him sceptically when Robert had introduced them earlier. 

"One of the Lords requested to be served solely by his own boy," he had explained.

"That is quite unusual, Your Royal Highness," Diane had thrown in carefully. Robert had raised his chin, daring her to question his words. Which he had known she'd never do.

"Well, what can I say… the quirks of the noblemen," he had said with meaning and then winked as if to make a joke on his behalf.

It had been the icebreaker for Diane. She had chuckled and nodded, holding her hand out for Aaron to step further into the kitchen.

"This is, uh, Archibald," Robert had smiled sweetly and ignored the indignant glare of betrayal his best mate had given him. It had to be for his safety. And maybe just a little bit for Robert's amusement. "Make sure he's clean and properly dressed by tonight. His Lord will appreciate it."

"I will." Diane had smiled dutifully.

Robert had known he could rely on her. Diane had spent her devout life working for the royal family. Her word was respected amongst the servants and maids, and Robert was sure that Aaron was in safe hands with her. 

And now look at his friend, Robert thought amusedly. Aaron looked too precious in the royal clothing and his combed hair. Robert would draw an everlasting image of it if he had the time and skills. Maybe he'd do it once this night was over and he could have a quiet, private moment in his chamber. 

He was reminded of his other private moments lately and felt his cheeks heating up. Robert quickly glanced around, fearing for a long moment, people might see what he had done on his bed, the sins he had committed. 

Blue eyes met Robert's green ones, and his heart lost rhythm. 

Out of an impulse, he turned to Finn. "I need a quick break to get some fresh air," he told his valet. "Distract my father. Tell him about the ladies. Show him the gifts."

Finn, bless him, nodded all too eagerly. It was killing two birds with one stone. Robert could escape his shadow, and his father's attention would be occupied. He watched Finn walk towards the throne, took a deep breath and wandered seemingly aimlessly through the crowds at the side of the dancefloor. 

Of course, he had an aim, though.

"Wait a little moment, then follow me," he whispered when he walked past the servant that had been the centre of his attention all night. "Discreetly."

Surprisingly, it was easy to sneak into the garden. There were only so many guards on patrol. Robert remembered his father's order to secure the castle's outer walls and the royal palace's front entrance with a double force level. The King wanted less intimidating armed soldiers in the eyesight of the nobles to provide a sense of privacy and safety. Nobody liked to be observed; Robert knew all too well. 

The air outside was cold; Winter was coming, and it was not long until Christmas. Robert inhaled greedily, needing the calm and soothing effect. He stopped briefly until he heard footsteps behind him, then continued to the giant bushes. They were not an ideal screen, but they would have to do. Robert rounded them and waited impatiently for his friend to appear. 

Aaron was still carrying the tray, and without hesitating, Robert took it from him and put it on the grass. They weren't Crown Prince and servant; they were Aaron and Robert now.

They looked at each other expectantly, and nobody said anything, waiting for the other to speak first. Eventually, they started chuckling at the same time. 

"And?" Robert asked. "How'd you like it so far?" He nudged Aaron playfully with this elbow. "Am I Prince-y enough for you, Archibald?"

In the moon's pale light, Robert watched Aaron throwing his head back and laughing. "Yes, my Prince, you are!" he said teasingly. "I like that hat of yours, especially, Your Royal Highness."

"Oh." Robert suddenly felt self-conscious and ripped the hat off. He was not too fond of the headwear, but the tailor and his mother talked him into wearing it, although it looked ridiculous.

"Hey." Aaron touched his arm, sounding soft and sincere now. "I meant it for real."

"Oh." Robert's heart stuttered again, and he started wringing the hat to do something. To keep his hands occupied because he did not trust them right now, not to do something stupid.

Like hugging Aaron again.

He wanted to hug Aaron so bad, he burnt with desire.

Once more, Robert thought about the sinful things he had done with Aaron on his mind and his name on his lips.

He thought about how he wanted to confide in Aaron about his feelings, as wrong and weird and perverted as they might be. If one person would understand him, it would surely be Aaron, even if he did not reciprocate.

"I didn't know flowers were blooming in Winter." Aaron's quiet voice pulled Robert out of his thoughts and he looked up from his hands to his friend. Aaron stared at the white blossoms, and Robert followed his gaze.

"It's Camellia. My mother calls them snow flurry." 

Aaron smiled at that. "Everything in the village is dead and grey and brown during Winter. But here…" He took a breath, and then he looked at Robert. "Everything's so much more." His eyes were wide.

The word choice did not need to be more accurate; Robert understood the meaning anyway. He had been in Emmerdale and had visited other kingdom villages. He knew about commoners' harsh conditions and small livelihood and that Aaron spent most days hungry and exhausted from work. 

Robert glanced at the castle, to the warm shine of the torches that peeked through the bushes. The wind carried the sound of music towards them. If they stood closer, they would also hear the clatter of the goblets and the animated chatting of the nobles. They would smell food—roasted deer, smoked ham, fish soup, pickled carrots, mashed parsnips and baked bread. 

"You must hate us," Robert said, bitter. How could Aaron not despise them after seeing it with his own eyes?

Aaron stayed silent for a moment. "It just is what it is," he said in his quiet, raspy voice. "And we can't change it."

"Maybe I can. One day," Robert threw in.

The moon disappeared behind a cloud; they stood in the dark, and Robert heard Aaron's smile more than he saw it. "Maybe you can."

Another moment of silence stretched, and Robert desperately thought of a way to shift their conversation to a lighter topic, but Aaron beat him. 

"The ladies seemed pretty fond of you."

Robert scoffed at that. "Fond of the Crown, you mean." Honestly, the women did not know him and he did not know them. All they exchanged so far was trivial courtesy. 

"I am sure it's not just the Crown, though. Has anyone caught your eye yet?" Aaron asked cheerfully, but something in his voice sounded like he missed the mark. 

Robert's heart tripped because, indeed, a person had caught his eye, but this person was none of the ladies in the ballroom. The person was standing here with him, hiding behind a bush of snow flurry. The clouds disappeared, and the pale light allowed Robert a look at Aaron's face. Their eyes locked.

"What if there was someone?" he whispered and shivered. 

Aaron swallowed. His expression was unreadable, but his eyes looked right into Robert's soul. "Then you should court her. Ask for her hand in marriage."

"What if the one I want, I can't have?"

Suddenly, Robert realised how close they were. They were closer than before as if they both shuffled towards each other unconsciously. It felt like Aaron was drawing him in like a flame did moths. 

"You can have anyone, Robert," Aaron said, his voice so calm it was barely audible, his breath ghosting over Robert's face. "Just tell them."

This was the moment. Perfect for a kiss. Just like Robert had seen it in the book. He longed to feel those lips he fantasised about at night and to hold Aaron, not just as a friend. He wanted Aaron's strong hands on his bare skin, exploring. 

"Dance with me." His own words surprised him, uttered without his heart's permission. His brain had intervened and put a stop to all his pointless daydreaming. He could never be with Aaron like that. It simply was not possible. 

Aaron let out a shaky laugh. "I don't-... I can't dance."

"Follow my lead," Robert suggested and held out his hands. "It's not that hard, I promise."

Hesitantly, Aaron stepped closer until their chests were nearly touching. Robert felt his friend's body heat on the cold Winter night. 

"Give me your right hand. Put the other on my shoulder."

Aaron did as he was told, slowly, and his hand was warm, strong, and solid in Robert's. They've touched countless times, but still, this was different. To Robert, at least. 

His heart was beating twice as fast as usual, his skin heated up, and his knees trembled as he slid his arm around Aaron's waist to rest it on his back. Aaron's body seemed to glow through his royal uniform and his muscles twitched under Robert's touch. 

Robert was overly aware of the bruises that must lie hidden underneath the fabric, and he'd give everything if he could protect his friend from his master's cruel hand.

"I feel silly," Aaron whispered and scoffed.

"It's not silly," Robert breathed back.

Typically, dancing involved stomping and clapping to the rhythm of the music, but the sound that reached them from the castle was too quiet to do that. And besides, none of what was happening right now had been covered by Robert's ballroom lessons. 

He swayed unhurriedly from side to side, gently steering Aaron to move with him. The ladies he danced with had been through their own dance lessons; they were trained in events like royal balls. Aaron, however, was a blacksmith, a man of rough labour. His movements were stiff and awkward, but he did so anyway because Robert asked him to. And Lord, Robert wanted to stop time and stay with his friend like this forever. It was just an inch until his nose brushed Aaron's temple, and his lips met his soft skin. 

He did not dare breathe.

"Robert."

Robert closed his eyes and shook his head, no, too afraid to break the magic they just shared. When he moved his head, his mouth caressed Aaron's cheek—just a light touch lasting a heartbeat. 

When he drew back, he noticed Aaron blinking and swallowing, and Robert wondered what his friend thought and felt, if he felt the same sensations as Robert.

Robert wanted to take his lips.

Aaron looked at him, his eyes wide and pupils blown. 

For the second time, it felt like the moment for a kiss. They were so close, standing in an embrace, and Robert only had to lean forward. It would be so easy, and he'd finally know what kissing would be like, if it was anything like he had imagined.

The music stopped, and people clapped their hands.

"We should go back," Aaron whispered. "Before they start looking for the Crown Prince."

Robert let go of him as if he had burnt his hands. "Yes. Of course."

It was broken. The moment. His heart. His hopes.

Whatever. 

"Hey, the ladies you danced with…" Aaron started and shifted his gaze shyly to the side. "They gave you presents, didn't they?"

"Yeah." It wasn't like the handkerchiefs and paintings things meant anything to Robert. 

"Well." Aaron reached out to a Camellia blossom and ripped it off the bush. The white bloom gleamed blueish in the moonlight. "For you." He held it out to Robert. 

He stared at the flower, not trusting his eyes. Robert accepted the gift gingerly, worried the petals might fall off if he gripped it too hard. This blossom was precious. The best gift he had gotten. 

Aaron smiled at him, sweet and beautiful. 

They could never be what Robert dreamt them to be, but for this moment in the garden on the night when Robert was supposed to find his bride, they were.

Chapter Text

Life went on, almost as if insisting that nothing significant happened. The village continued its daily rhythm, and the sun rose and set as always. 

Once Aaron returned to the village, he was severely punished for disappearing. Eric Pollard only let go of him when his arm grew weary from swinging the belt. After that, Aaron returned to his routine of relentless work and resting his aching body at night, only to start over the next day. Sometimes, he met with Holly; sometimes, the Bartons invited him to the farm for dinner. 

That was Aaron's life, and it carried on. On the outside, nothing changed.

On the inside, though, it was a different story.

As he paused to use the bellows to reignite the fire, Aaron closed his eyes briefly and found himself transported from the blacksmith’s shop back to the royal castle. He strolled amidst the elegant noblemen and ladies, all dressed in exquisite and expensive garments. The aroma of food lingered in the air, enough to sustain a family in the village for an entire year. Faint strains of soft music played in the distance, and Robert entered Aaron's daydream. Draped in a glossy tunic and an artfully crafted hat, Robert was outshining the sea of people. For the first time, Aaron fully understood that his best friend, with whom he went swimming and had shared secrets since childhood, was the future King.

Aaron still felt the ghost of Robert's touch. His feet still remembered the steps they took when they danced. 

And Aaron danced. 

He danced with Robert, and he'd give anything, anything in the world, to turn back the hands of time and relive the moment. 

All he had, though, standing at the fire in Eric Pollard's shop, were his memories. They were his to keep; no one could take them away from him, not even a belt. What had happened was beyond Aaron's wildest dreams, something most villagers would never experience. Faith had finally brought Aaron luck, and he couldn't help but smile about it.

He clung to that feeling in December, Aaron's least favourite month. While everyone around him got into the festive spirit, he usually kept to himself. Very few positive memories were associated with Christmas, and Aaron had to think back to his early childhood years to find them. On top of that, December was the month when Robert barely had time for their weekly meetings. Advent meant daily royal court service, and the Crown Prince couldn't miss it.

On Christmas Day, Eric got drunk and wailed over his late wife, Val, who had died in a tragic accident when Aaron was little. An emotional Eric was never a kind-hearted one, and Aaron breathed a sigh of relief when his master passed out in the afternoon. It allowed Aaron to join the Barton family in the evening, which was a welcome, different festive experience. Holly sang Christmas songs, Hannah played her flute, and the smell of the meal Moira prepared in the kitchen spread throughout the farmhouse. James Barton served Aaron and his son Adam a pint of ale, and although the two usually didn't have much in common, with Adam spending his days on the farm and Aaron in the blacksmith's shop, they enjoyed the drink in easy camaraderie. 

"Now that you're basically my brother-in-law, eh!" Adam cheerfully exclaimed before he clinked their glasses. "Cheers, mate!"

What started as an almost perfect evening for Aaron abruptly ended as reality caught up with him. At that moment, he became aware of Holly's lingering looks and shy smiles directed at him, as well as James' friendly shoulder clasps while calling him 'son'.

Aaron looked around and took in the lively faces lit up in the warm yellow light of the candles on the dining table, the deliciously steaming stew, Holly and Adam's playful chatting, and the homey atmosphere of the Barton house. This was his future: taking Holly as his wife and officially joining the family. Since he had not enough money yet to build a house, he'd probably had to live here until he could finally overtake Pollard‘s house one day. Then start a family of his own. Children. 

Suddenly, Aaron saw his whole life ahead of him, a future designed for him.

He should be grateful for what he was wordlessly and generously offered to him by the Bartons, especially now. Christmas time was the season to reflect and be thankful to the Lord and Saviour; that was what the priest always preached. 

Later that night, when Holly saw him out and pressed a quick peck on his cheek, Aaron wondered if it was normal that he forgot he was courting her. 

He sprinted so fast that his feet hurt and his lungs burnt from the cold Winter air. After not seeing his friend for almost a month, Aaron was eager to get to their little place at the pond as quickly as possible. His heart leapt in his chest when he spotted Caesar between the trees first and then Robert throwing stones across the water. Aaron smiled and slowed down. Although he had taught Robert to skim stones for years, his friend would never master that skill.

"How often: you have to throw them faster!" Aaron exclaimed.

Robert spun around, a grin stretching as his bright green eyes landed on him. Aaron nearly stumbled into his mate's embrace as if an invisible power pulled him in. Robert's hug promised warmth and security, and Aaron wanted to curl himself impossibly closer and draw the moment out as long as possible. 

"I'm so glad you made it home safely after the ball." Robert let out a sigh. "Happy birthday." His breath brushed hot across Aaron's cold neck.

Aaron wasn't sure if today was his actual birthday, but he vaguely recalled his mother congratulating him shortly after the New Year. With no birth certificate or calendar to reference, it was Robert who, early in their friendship, had decided Aaron's birthday was January 5th with the sweet stubbornness of an entitled royal child. That had made Aaron laugh, but Robert continued congratulating him every year.

"You remembered." He pressed his nose against Robert's warm, soft skin.

"As if I'd ever forget."

When they parted, Robert immediately pulled off his coat and offered it to his friend. He wore a second one underneath, like always when the temperatures dropped. Aaron threw it over his shoulders and subtly tried inhaling its scent. It still held Robert's body warmth and felt like a continuation of their hug. 

"I, uh," Robert paused to clear his throat. His eyes flicked to the ground, and Aaron raised his eyebrows in amusement at his friend's sudden shyness. Usually, that was not an adjective connected to Robert. "I got you a present."

Aaron's expression went slack in surprise and his jaw dropped. "Robert, you don't have to."

"Yes, I wanted..." Robert reached into his pocket and produced a small bundle. Without further ado he held it out to Aaron. "Here."

Aaron let his eyes linger for a moment longer on Robert's face, his long blond lashes, rosy cheeks, and lips. Then, he slowly lowered his gaze to the gift. It was a folded shiny fabric in the kingdom's trademark yellow, and the bottom half of the Sugden family crest was visible in one corner. The material's pattern resembled the outfit Robert had worn at the ball. 

"It's a handkerchief," Robert added awkwardly.

The handkerchief was worth more than Aaron's entire possession. 

"That's- this is too much. I can't accept that." Aaron shook his head slightly. 

"Of course you can. I want you to have it. Please. Take it." Robert pushed it closer to Aaron.

"No, it will get dirty!"

"Aaron."

When Aaron looked up from the gift, he met Robert's big, pleading, sincere eyes. Robert's intense look momentarily took Aaron's breath away. He gently accepted the handkerchief, already worried about leaving stains on the delicate fabric. It felt incredibly smooth and silky between his calloused fingers as he carefully moved his thumb, tracing the crest.

"Thank you," Aaron whispered, barely audible, overwhelmed by emotion.

"I'm glad you like it. Well, obviously, I knew you would like it," Robert's trademark smirk appeared, and his momentary shyness vanished. 

Aaron playfully nudged Robert and rolled his eyes with a subtle smile. He carefully folded the handkerchief and tucked it under his cream linen tunic, ensuring it was safe and hidden from prying eyes.

To others, it might look like a simple pocket square, but to Aaron, it was the most perfect and thoughtful gift he could have received. It was a beautiful reminder of his adventurous visit to the royal court.

As Aaron remembered the ball at the royal court, he couldn't help but think about all the sophisticated ladies competing for Robert's attention.

"You received a lot of these, didn't you? From your admirers at the ball?"

Something about his friend's smirk changed slightly. It didn't seem to reach his eyes anymore. "You know I did."

Aaron nodded, and his stomach clenched. Despite his own failure in properly courting someone, he was no fool. He knew where such behaviour of women towards the Crown Prince was meant to lead. "And? Was there someone who caught your eye?"

In all their meetings, they barely spoke about women, let alone the prospect of marriage. Aaron only mentioned Holly briefly and Robert preferred to talk about his academic studies or the science of nature. Feeling self-conscious about broaching such an intimate topic, Aaron regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. It was too late to have them unspoken.

Robert gazed at the pond, its surface shimmering under the grey, cloud-covered Winter sky. After a moment of silence, he spoke softly: "My heart belongs to someone."

Aaron felt a pang of anxiety as he swallowed hard. He had expected this response, but it was a stark reminder that his time with Robert was temporary. Soon, Robert would fulfil his duty by taking a wife and starting a family to continue the line of succession. Aaron knew his friend's focus would inevitably turn to more important things than meeting a bastard in the woods for childish fun. 

The tiny part of Aaron's nagging brain also reminded him that he was supposed to take a wife soon, too. That should be another day's concern, though, he decided. 

"She is very fortunate, then," he said, trying not to let the irrational possessiveness he felt bleed into his voice. Still, it came out more tight-lipped than he aimed for. 

Robert turned to Aaron, grinning and clasping his hands. "Come on, it's your birthday. What do you want to do?"

Aaron saw right through him, realising that this was a manoeuvre to reduce the tension and bring back ease to their meeting. He gladly accepted the offer. "What I want to do?" he asked to clarify, his lips forming a small smile.

"Yes! Make a wish."

"And you'd do what I say?" Aaron wanted to know and his eyebrows rose as if to challenge his friend - the prince. 

Robert bristled but did not stop grinning. "You heard what I said, or are you questioning the word of your Crown Prince?"

"I would never dream of it, Your Royal Highness," Aaron chuckled as he placed his hand over his heart.

If it were Spring or Summer, he would have proposed a diving contest because nothing compared to the joy of swimming alongside Robert. In January, though, their actions were limited. When they were children, they played tag or hide-and-seek. Nowadays, they usually spend their time talking.

Aaron followed an impulse. "Let's play tag." For once, he wanted to escape the world of adolescence and ban every thought of courtship and future brides. Just Robert and him, like they used to be, away from the burdens of chores, work, pain and the golden cage that was the royal court. A reminiscence of the only moments of childhood happiness they both had shared. 

Robert rested his hands on his hips and lifted his chin cockily. "You sure you want to lose on your birthday?" 

"As if! The winner gets another wish. Deal?"

"Deal!"

They stood staring at each other for a moment, each waiting for the other to make the first move. A giddy joy filled Aaron's heart, causing it to swell until he ached in the best way possible. Robert felt the same if his gleefully sparkling eyes were anything to go by.

"Catch me if you can!" Robert yelled and took off.

Aaron let out a wild cry, feeling an ounce of guilt when Caesar jumped in surprise, but that was quickly forgotten as he ran after Robert. He chased his friend through the woods, back and forth, their laughter echoing from the trees, until Aaron's belly hurt from chuckling. Robert had never been the fastest runner, and Aaron had the better stamina, so his victory was only a matter of time.

Soon, he had Robert where he wanted him, cornered on a narrowing plateau between a stony cliff on the right and a small canyon on the right. 

"Surrender?" Aaron grinned, breathless.

Robert's gaze flicked to all sides, considering his options, his chest heaving as he breathed heavily. "Never!" he hissed and jumped down the canyon.

It was a three-metre drop-off, and Robert landed with a spectacular roll. He stood, dusted his clothes off and looked up at Aaron, challenging. "So, what now, village boy? Surrender?"

He played dirty, of course, knowing of Aaron's fear of heights. Even if it was only a three-metre jump. "Damn." Aaron cursed, determined not to give up. "Never!" He closed his eyes and leapt. The impact was harder than anticipated, and his landing was less elegant than Robert's, so Aaron needed a moment to compose himself, lying on the cold forest ground.

"Azza?" 

With his eyes still closed, Aaron heard leaves rustling as Robert approached.

"Hey, are you alright?"

Once he estimated Robert to be within arms' reach, Aaron ripped his eyes open, immediately zeroed in on his mate, and lunged at his target. He tackled Robert to the floor, somehow landing on top of him between his spread thighs. Aaron then grabbed Robert's wrists and pressed them to the ground above his head, effectively immobilising him.

"Gotcha!" he shouted.

"You cheated!" Robert protested half-heartedly, his carefree smile still not wavering."

"Didn't say it was forbidden," Aaron informed him and added with a cheeky wink, "Your Royal Highness."

Robert laughed at that. It was one of Aaron's favourite sights when his friend closed his eyes, stretched his head back, revealing his pale, velvety-looking neck, and scrunched his nose. In Winter, there weren't as many freckles sprinkled on it as in Summer. Aaron just stared, trying to memorise every little detail, every tiny hair of Robert's bushy blond brows, and the lines appearing around his eyes when he laughed.

He was beautiful.

After the laughter subsided, the only sound remaining was their erratic breathing. Suddenly, Aaron became acutely aware of their synchronised chest movements and how their bodies were aligned, pressing firmly against each other, with only a few layers of fabric separating them. He could have sworn he felt Robert's heartbeat through the coat. Their eyes met, and Aaron found himself lost in the Summer seas that were Robert's eyes, with their dark green, shades of blue, and tiny dots of brown. Robert's eyes reflected all the colours Aaron adored - the tints of the woods, the pond, freedom, and joyful times.

At the same time, much to Aaron's horror, his private part down there started swelling. His daydream bubble burst from one second to another.

They weren't children anymore. 

Robert was a man, intelligent and strong, educated in science and trained in fighting, ready to succeed his father on the throne and rule the kingdom. Right now, he lay on his back, his legs spread wide as if welcoming Aaron's body like a wife would take her husband, their sexes touching each other through the thin material of their pants. It was obscene. 

And Aaron, Lord help him but he wanted. 

The feeling came so unexpectedly and forcefully that Aaron was powerless against it. It built in his chest and flared with heat throughout his entire body, and he wanted to sob at its intensity. 

Robert did not push him off or yell angrily at him for his perverted thoughts. Instead, Robert's cheeks flushed rosy red, and his eyes dipped to Aaron's mouth. 

Robert licked his lips, still panting from their play. 

Aaron felt lightheaded. 

"Let's play something else," he heard someone say and realised belatedly that it was him who uttered the words. His arms were oddly weak when Aaron pushed himself up. The world seemed to move in slow motion. Despite the Winter temperatures, Aaron's body was overheated, which was not down to the royal cloak Robert had lent him. Aaron forced his face away from his friend and leaned it eagerly into the wind, hoping its cool touch would clear his dazed mind.

"Aaron…" Robert whispered, unbearably soft.

For a horrible moment, Aaron feared Robert might ask about what had just happened between them. Had Robert felt Aaron's swelling? The mere thought made him nauseous. There was no way Aaron would live that embarrassment down. 

"Do you need to leave already?"

The only purpose of the question was to distract Robert by steering the conversation to a safe ground. When the silence stretched too long, Aaron nervously glanced at Robert, who was now checking the sky to estimate the time.

"Not yet." If Robert saw through the distraction act, he did not show it. He wore a serious expression, though, as if whatever had bothered him was still on his mind. Robert looked at him then, biting his lip and his right eyebrow twitching downwards, and Aaron swore he saw him thinking.

"Okay, then," he paused to swallow, "Let's play hide-and-seek." Aaron wanted nothing more than desperately to recreate the easy fun they had just shared. "I will go first."

Robert stood there, a mix of emotions crossing his face before he let out a sigh, his shoulders relaxing. A soft smile formed as he spoke, "Alright then. I will count to thirty." Whatever he had been about to say was put on hold - at least for now.

Without wasting a second, Aaron raced off when his friend turned to face a tree and started counting aloud. He already had a perfect spot in mind, but he knew he'd have to move quickly to reach it in time.

The small cave he discovered a few weeks ago was more like a big hole in the ground than anything else. Aaron sat on the ground and carefully slipped through the narrow opening, then sat still, hardly daring to breathe. His mind immediately returned to the moment he had shared with Robert and every part of his body ached in the wake of it. Aaron squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the feeling away, and when he opened them again, his gaze landed on a bright rock the size of an egg. Without thinking, he took it and began scraping it across the far back wall. It left off-white streaks on the dark stone. Aaron's hand moved, scratching the rock repeatedly to leave a mark in the cave until his fingers hurt. The distraction lasted until he paused to examine his work.

Having never had access to education, Aaron was illiterate, like most people in the village. Robert had taught him to write "Aaron" and "Robert". The letters "A" and "R" now appeared perfectly on the cave's wall.

His heart pounded heavily in his chest.

"Found you!" Robert shouted behind him and slipped a moment later into the cavern. "Oh, what is this?"

Aaron saw him staring at the inscription, suddenly feeling self-conscious and vulnerable.

"Did I get the letters wrong?"

Robert slowly shook his head and swallowed. "No, you... you got them right." Then he turned to look at Aaron, and even in the low light the small opening allowed, his eyes shone like gemstones.  

"I thought it would be nice to have a memory. Of today. You know?" Aaron explained before Robert got any false ideas, hoping the natural rasp of his voice would overplay its trembles.

"I like that," Robert said.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Robert's hand reached out to take Aaron's. "Let's get some rest before we have to leave."

They settled against the wall, shuffling until they finally got comfortable in each other's arms. Neither dared to speak as they watched the daylight fading before they bid their goodbyes. Before Aaron climbed out of the cave, he turned to sneak one last glance at the wall. It was too dark for the letters to be still visible, but Aaron swore he saw them anyway.

The Winter moon gleamed pale white through the tiny window of Aaron's chamber in the attic when he pulled out the handkerchief. He brought it to his nose and although he had hidden it all day under his shirt, it still smelled of Robert.

This was one of the best birthdays he ever had.

The wind howled and swept through the roof's countless cracks, making him shiver. He hid the hankie carefully underneath the hay of his bed, next to his savings, and slipped under his blanket.

And then, finally, he allowed his mind to go wherever it pleased. This time, in the privacy of his chamber, nobody stopped Aaron from giving in until his body felt warm again.

Aaron was not worried when Robert did not appear the following week. He hated it, but it was not unusual.

Another week passed, another seven days during which Aaron could not stop thinking about his friend, wondering how he was and what he was doing.

Next time, he waited until the sun began to set before he forced his feet to carry him back home, constantly checking over his shoulder if he might spot Robert's stallion somewhere behind the trees.

Resigned to more days of waiting, Aaron was still not worried.

Life at court was hectic with the demanding chores and duties of Robert's life, especially with the addition of a newborn sibling, which Aaron could only imagine. There had to be a simple explanation for his friend's absence. Thoughts of Robert suffering from an illness, not uncommon during the cold months, were pushed aside.

Carrying the handkerchief every day, hidden underneath his linen shirt, a part of Robert was always with him now - a comforting thought that helped him through the dark days of January.  

When the weekly countdown once more neared zero, a mixture of anxiety and anticipation grabbed hold of Aaron's body. The day before their next meeting, Holly visited him in the afternoon. Her presence in the shop was always a welcomed distraction, allowing him a short break from forging.

"Here, I brought you this," she said with a warm smile, her cheeks rosy from the frosty air. Holly held up a deliciously smelling, freshly baked loaf of bread that made Aaron's mouth water. Before he could respond, Eric stepped in.

"Thank you, dear," he said, reaching for the food. "Let me take this to set aside for later. We wouldn't want to get grime on it, would we?" He laughed, and Aaron quickly hid his hands behind his back.

He knew how dirty they were. No matter how vigorously he scrubbed his fingers, the black soot under his nails never washed off. Aaron gazed longingly at the bread Pollard eagerly took from Holly's hand to carry into his kitchen. It was clear that his master was not willing to share once Holly left the house. Aaron's stomach clenched.

His friend surprised him by sticking her tongue out at Eric as soon as he turned his back on them. Then she looked at Aaron, mischief sparkling in her eyes when she reached underneath her coat and pulled out another loaf of bread. A grin lit up his face.

"Here, quick," she whispered.

"Thanks." He hid the food behind one of the upper shelves for later, confident that Eric never looked up there. "You minx."

Holly beamed at him and pressed a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Will you come to the farm tomorrow and join us for dinner?"

Aaron's skin heated where she had smashed her lips on and the joy about her little gift vanished instantly. "I can't." Tomorrow was his ‘Robert day’. There was no way he would miss the chance to finally meet his friend again.

Her smile faltered. "Why not?" She sounded disappointed, but hope sparked when she asked: "Are you going to Hotten again?"

"Shhh, keep your voice down!" Aaron turned to check if Pollard was coming back, relieved when there was no sign of his master. He probably had eaten the bread already. His master still did not know about their regular trips to the city, and Aaron wanted it to stay that way. It was the tiny bit of independence he longed for.

"I could come," Holly offered eagerly, "and help you."

Aaron closed his eyes for a moment. "It's not... I'm not going to Hotten."

"Well, if it's Pollard, I could talk to him. The old fella never resists my charm," Holly smirked, swaying back and forth and batting her eyelashes.

"It's not Pollard either." Aaron scowled, picked up his fork and pushed the metal into the gleaming coals.

"Then what is it?"

With forceful, abrupt movements, Aaron yanked the iron out, placed it on the anvil's rounded beak, and started hammering it. The metal was not nearly hot enough to be shaped, but he suddenly became so angry that he needed to keep his hands and mind occupied to prevent himself from snapping at her.

Just one afternoon. Just one afternoon for himself.

That was all Aaron wanted.

"Is it another woman?"

"Holly." He groaned, dropped the hammer on the workbench and rubbed his forehead. For a moment, he feared he might laugh hysterically at her face.

Another woman? She could not be further from the truth.

His body flushed with heat at the memory of Robert's body beneath him.

"What?" she exclaimed, pouting. "I'm just wondering."

He had no idea how to respond. There were no words to express his feelings, and he could not possibly say them aloud even if he had the words.

It was unthinkable.

Aaron just got confused. His body simply mixed things up after being that close to another person. Robert was his only friend, after all.

Holly was your friend, too, the hushed voice inside him insisted.

The sound of trotting horses interrupted the awkward moment, saving Aaron from a reply. Startled, Holly turned to face the open gates of the blacksmith's shop, her gaze drawn to the main street of the village. A group of horsemen appeared, capturing the attention of everyone crossing their path.

"That's the royal flag!" Holly gasped, delighted.

As soon as she said the words, Aaron spotted the yellow and green crest, the same one as on the handkerchief he felt on his skin underneath his linen.

"I wonder what's going on!" she said, reaching for Aaron's wrist. "Come!" Holly quickly led him towards the small square in front of the tavern, where the horse riders now stood side by side. Their impressive horses were neighing and blowing air through their nostrils. One of the men produced a trumpet and played a series of tones to get the villagers' attention.

The procedure was well known, and a small crowd gathered quickly. The royal guard usually came to the villages to announce news regarding laws or the royal family. Aaron's mind went straight to Robert, already anticipating with a sinking stomach that the unexpected appearance of the royal crier and his best friend's absence was by no means a coincidence.

The crier unrolled a piece of paper as soon as the last note faded. "Villagers of Emmerdale, Your Majesty, King Jack III. sent us to bring you the joyful news about the birth of his daughter, Princess Margaret II., on November 8th! The child and his mother, Queen Consort Sarah, are in good health."

The listeners clapped and cheered; some villagers stuck their heads together and whispered, but Aaron kept staring at the crier, ignoring them. Every announcement concluded with a cheer for the King. Since that had not happened yet, the crier had not finished.

"Furthermore," the man continued, glancing at the crowd of citizens gathered in the village square before focusing back on the paper, "Your Majesty, King Jack III, announces with great pride that his beloved son, Crown Prince Robert I..."

Aaron held his breath and bit the inside of his cheek until he drew blood.

"-took Lady Christine, firstborn of Lord White, as his lawful wedded wife. The wedding took place on January 12th. All hail to the King!" the crier yelled, rolling back up his paper.

The villagers erupted in cheers and applause while Holly eagerly nudged Aaron.

"All hail to the King!"

Everyone was thrilled for the royal family - except Aaron, who stood in stunned silence. He should have seen this coming. He knew this was coming.

So why did he feel like a fool, still?