Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Andrew Maxis Docker Junior 

The car ride is long, hot, and extremely uncomfortable. My mother is driving at a pretty good pace, but it's been days on the road. We left New York, my school, and all my friends far behind us and are currently driving somewhere in northern Montana, heading to some stupid little town called Cut Bank. My name is Andrew Maxis Docker Junior, or AJ for short. I'm eight years old. I have blond hair cut short and green eyes. I know it's odd. I'm too skinny and short for my age, almost sickly, and I kind of look like Dennis the Menace, but I'm cuter. My daddy says so, at least. I love playing chess and reading, and my grandma says I'm the spitting image of my dad when he was my age. My mother calls me Andrew and is still trying to get me to agree to change it. She refuses to call me AJ anymore, so I call her by her first name, but I'll explain more of that later. I'm still not comfortable talking about it yet.

For the last, like, five hours, it's been nothing but crop fields out of my small window in the back of the SUV. My oldest sister, Lana, is sitting in the front seat; she's sixteen, and my other sister, Missy, who is fourteen, is sitting in the seat in front of me, both lost in their stupid earpods to whatever they're listening to. I'm in the very back of the SUV, like always, to be forgotten or ignored. With a sigh, I hold onto my teddy bear, Maxwell, a little tighter. I know an eight-year-old probably shouldn't carry a teddy bear, but mine serves two purposes:

1) He has a small backpack where I keep things that I need in case of emergencies.

2) He has black beads sewn into his dark fur on his chest.

While we drive, I think about what I've lost and stare out into the endless field of what I'm guessing is straw... maybe?

Then something new comes into view: there is a tractor pulling some kind of flat trailer with bales of straw or hay—I can't tell the difference—and two boys not much older than me. One is on the ground, and he is grabbing the bales and tossing them up on an elevator thing that takes them to the trailer, where the other boy grabs them and stacks them. I know it doesn't sound amazing, but I am really glad to see it for two reasons:

1) It is the first human I've seen in like five hours, and

2) Neither boy had a shirt on, and I could see their tanned muscles from here. 

The one on the ground had his white tee shirt tucked into the back of his dusty blue jeans, and the other one just didn't have a shirt. The one on the ground saw me staring at them, causing me to blush a little, and I gave a little wave. The one on the ground even waved back.

The sight of the two held my attention so much that I didn't even realize that we were slowing down and my sisters were talking again. Then, as the SUV began to turn into the driveway of our new house, my gaze was broken, and I saw my new house for the first time. It was a three-story red brick house with tall windows all framed in white, an all-seasoned sun room on the left side of the house, and what looked like a swimming pool patio on the right. Extending from the front was a wrap-around porch with huge columns that held up its roof and a small stair case about ten to fifteen stairs tall—I'll count them later—that descended to the driveway. The driveway seemed like a quarter of a mile long, with a wire fence on the right side and a white picket fence on the left. I can see horses running around inside the wire fence, and I wondered if those came with the house.

Everyone piled out of the SUV, and right before I got to the door, my sister slammed it in my face. My brow tightened while I hiked up my backpack on my shoulder and opened the door to hop out.

"Mom!! Did you see that!? Missy slammed the door on me again!"

"No, I didn't! He was messing around in the back when I shut it."

"Andrew, stop tattling on your sister! Missy, be nice to your brother. Why do I even have to tell you this?" I'm not sure who she's asking, but I chose to remain silent even though I'm pretty sure she was directing the comment towards me.

Missy turns really quick and sticks out her tongue at me, then runs up the stairs and through the front door. I take a deep breath, run my hand through my hair, and begin to count the stairs as I climb them towards the front door. Thirteen, there are thirteen porch stairs.

My sisters are running through the rooms on the ground floor, so after taking off my sandals and setting my backpack down, I head to the second floor to see if I can find my bedroom. I want nothing more than to shut myself inside to get some peace and quiet for a while. I'm sure with all the hustling around, they will forget I'm even here for the rest of the night. Holding onto Maxwell a little tighter, I count the stairs to the second floor. There's twenty-five stairs.

The first bedroom I find on the second floor is pretty nicely sized. It contains toys, stuffed animals, posters of adorable men, and other mementos belonging to my older sister; the only item I find appealing is the abundance of pink, yuck, and light blue are the posters. It looks over the swimming pool and the field with the horses in it. Before I know it, I find myself looking out one of the huge windows. I count the pool chairs, six; I count the umbrellas, four; and then I watch the horses. Mostly brown, they range in different sizes. Nine, there are nine horses. Then, from behind, I hear, "This is the only time you are ever to be in my room. So, now that you've seen it, you can leave. Goodbye." I scowl at her as I turn around to see my older sister standing by the door to usher me out.

"Fine, I didn't want this room anyway," I mutter under my breath, and I continue down the hall.

The next room has lots of sport equipment in it, a drum kit, posters of rock bands, and is painted dark blue and grey. My middle sister, Missy, is standing at her drum kit, making sure it was put together correctly, and before I even cross the threshold, she yells, "MOM, HE'S IN MY ROOM!!"

"Fine!" I yell back and hurry to the next room, which must be my bedroom.

The last bedroom on this floor is in the front corner of the house, with a huge view of the front driveway and surrounding area. I quickly realize that it has a huge, king-sized bed. This must be my mother's room. I scan the room, just taking in the arrangement of the room from memory, when I catch myself counting again. I shut my eyes and hug Maxwell just a little tighter as I pull myself from the room.

Getting to the banister, I look down to the first floor and into the living room, where my mother is lying on the couch, looking for a small rest from driving all day.

"Alice, I don't have a room." I say it just loud enough to travel to her ears, but not a yell or anything. From upstairs, I can see her eyes open and shift toward me. I can see the tension on her face, like she can't believe I just called her by her first name.

"Andrew, It's mom or mother. How many times do I have to tell you that?"

"Yes, ma'am, sorry," I responded, cringing a little and squatting down to semi-hide behind the safety of the baluster to look at her through the rails.

I can see her sigh briefly, like she is tired of fighting with me over this, and she just tells me, "Your bedroom is upstairs."

My eight-year-old mind begins to work as I look down the hall and back to my mother and say, "I am upstairs." I think that this is almost too obvious to mention.

"No, honey, the third floor. The stairs are across the hall from my room."

The third floor? Are you kidding me? Why not lock me in the cellar or make me sleep in the barn with the horses? I stood up abruptly with a much louder stomp than I intended, and she opened her eyes to see me huffing towards the stairs. Forty-six baluster rails. Watching the thin staircase that leads up to the third floor, it almost seems like it's a thousand steps, and I can feel my chest begin to rise and fall as my breathing begins to betray me. Closing my eyes tightly, I fish my inhaler out of my shorts pocket and breathe in while pushing down on the canister. The foul-tasting spray coats my throat. I count to twenty and then breathe more steadily. My older sister walks by and ruffles my hair, telling me to be careful of the attic ghost.

"There are no such things as ghosts, and it's not an attic; it's my bedroom!" I tell her with a little attitude as I reluctantly head up. With each step I count, I feel myself calming down a little more. Twenty-three stairs.

The stairs lead to a small hallway with two doors on either side of the hall. One was the real attic/storage room, and the other was my bedroom. Looking at the door, I see the words on a small sign attached to it say, `AJ's Room, Please Knock'. I close my eyes and rest my hand on the door knob. This is the moment. The moment I find out. I find out if I'm going to hate living here or not. A boy's room is so important. It reveals much about him, including whether he is goofy, outgoing, or a natural mess. Excitement and a little fear begin to fill me as I start to bounce up and down on my toes. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.

Turning the knob, I walk inside to what could be a closet or a small room with a bed and a nightstand. My mind begins to run rampant with many very undesirable bedroom designs until my nerves can't handle not knowing, and I open my eyes. Until my eyes adjust to the sunlight in here, I can't see a thing, so I hold Maxwell up to shade them. Taking a few steps inside, I see a coat rack by the door, and the walls are painted in two different shades of gray. I hate colors. All of them. Colors make me nervous, and I don't like that. Gray, black, and white are my choices for just about everything.

I rub my hand on the smooth wall and wonder to myself, `did mom actually listen to me when I told her to design my room in these three colors?' She thinks I'm depressed over what happened. I just think that because of what happened to me, I've gotten a little braver when I talk to her. You can only turn right, and starting at the door, there are baluster rods attached to the wall with a handrail on the top and bottom. Why would they be here... unless they're here to be counted? Did she fill my room with things I could count? How... How did she know? I thought it was Daddy and my secret. I hurry down the little part of my room into the main room. When I enter it, I realize that all my walls are huge—all glass windows. Wait, six of them are glass doors that go onto three balconies. Each balcony has two gray chairs, a small glass table, and a telescope. From anywhere in my room, I can see everything in our yard except the pool. The room is designed so that no furniture is against the glass walls. Everything is in the middle, and everything is either black, white, or gray. She did listen.

So, the room is kind of in the shape of a `U'. The other top part, not the one with the door, is a glass-walled-off section that is filled with all my Lego builds. Sitting on glass shelves are my world globe, 2585 pieces; my tree house, 3036 pieces; the Lego house, 3955 pieces; and my favorite build so far, the Santiago Bernabéu Stadium, 5876 pieces. I come out with a small smile on my face and sit on the queen-sized bed with the dark gray quilt and shift my eyes from one side of the room to the other. `I can definitely spend my whole day up here and never leave my room,' I tell myself, and then I lay on my back to look at the ceiling. It's covered in my glow in the dark stars. I count them every night to calm myself from the stress of the day. It is the only way I am able to fall asleep, and as I sigh slightly, I am reminded of the pleasant temperature of my bedroom. Raising my arms to fold them behind my head, I hit something hard sticking out from under one of my pillows.

I sit up and move the pillow to find a greeting card. Picking it up, I hesitate to open it, thinking that it's just another weak attempt from Alice to try and make up for what she did. Taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I rip it open. It has a cartoon house being built on the front with the words, `Guess what I'm building for you today?' Oddly, I figured she would have picked something a little less `funny.' Inside the card is a memory chip, and the picture is of a bunch of cranes and people building a birthday cake. It says, `We're building you a great birthday!' and it's signed... dad.

I can instantly feel my eyes begin to cry, and I start shaking all over. `How did he get this here?' I question myself, and I try to focus on the memory chip. It's old—too old to just put in any computer or laptop. I'd have to have an adapter. Wait,  I think I have one. Placing it in my pocket, I quickly rummaged through my room, looking for the right box. I empty my closet by tossing boxes over my shoulder, looking for... it's not here. It must have sounded like I fell down the stairs as I and Maxwell ran down those skinny planks, taking two or three at a time. My sisters were already in the hall to see if I came tumbling through the door. I almost did, honestly; it was close. But I ran by them like they weren't even there as I turned the corner, using the main baluster to pivot, and I descended my second set of stairs.

About halfway down, Alice must have heard all the racket I was making and met me at the bottom of the stairs. "What is going on? Slow down before you fall!"

I was out of breath and clutched at my inhaler as I tried to get out the words, "Where... is my... my computer... part collection?"

She rubbed my back and gave me a quizzical look. "Honey, I don't know if that is something to get all worked up about. We'll find it eventually."

Eventually, it will be too long. My breathing starts getting worse as I begin to panic. I might never hear the message my father worked so hard to hide here for me. Alice sits me down in the living room, and I huff on my inhaler. She goes to the small woven basket at the end of the couch and gets a gray Rubik's cube, then hands it to me. My hands begin without me, and I subconsciously begin twirling and whipping the sides around as the different shades of gray begin to line up. My eyes dart back and forth as my hands move at nonhuman speeds as I solve the puzzle, but my mind is going over the places I could find the box.

Once she sees I'm pacified, she stands and heads back in the kitchen and says nonchalantly, "I wouldn't worry about it, Andrew. The movers probably thought it was junk and put it in the basement."

My eyes stop shifting, and my fingers turn the last shade of gray to its proper place. My mind focused on only one thing: `it's in the basement!' Solved in 19.34 seconds.

Slipping through the kitchen, so Alice doesn't notice me, I get to the basement stairs and open the door, looking down at another set of steep stairs, but these are pitch dark. My fingers begin to fidget, and I count how many times my thumb touches each finger. `I can do this.' I think to myself, and I work my way down to the bottom, feeling the walls for the light switch along the way. I find it, flip it, and the basement looks nice once I flip the light switch. It's really not nicer than the rooms upstairs, but it's not scary. I run through the hall looking for a room of boxes: laundry room, play room, entertainment room, two guest rooms, storage room—it's got to be in here!

The storage room is full of boxes that the movers, or the people who unpacked everything, didn't know what to do with. "How am I going to find it in all of this mess?" I think out loud, and my hand slides down inside my pants pocket, and I pat the memory chip. I close my eyes and think of my father and his strong hands, his hot breath on my face, his tongue sliding in my mouth, and my hard-on twitches hitting my hand in my pocket, waking me from my daydream. "I've got to find that box!"

Fifteen minutes turns into thirty, and then thirty turns into an hour while I pull down every box, looking at the labels. Boxes that are not my box go into the hallway after I run out of the space behind me. Box after box of stuff gets moved away, and I think, `Why do we own so much junk?' And then I find it—the box of my old computer parts. One day at school, me and some friends found an old computer from the mid-'80s. Anyway, we disassembled it and each took a part to keep. This gave me a great idea: if I could find enough parts, I could put it back together, so if I find, buy, or am given a part, I cross it off my list and throw it in the box. Somewhere I had found a part that wasn't part of the computer directly but was an exterior memory chip reader. With a little splicing and adjusting, I attached a USB port to it so I could use the old memory chip on my laptop. Only my dad knew I had done this. Finding it, I ran upstairs, blew through the house, grabbed my backpack I left by the door, and headed for my bedroom, evoking Alice's wrath once again.

Blasting through my door, I turn the corner and leap on my bed as I open my backpack. I pull out my laptop and set up the adapter, praying it still works. I've never really had a chip to test it on; they're pretty rare. I can't believe Daddy found one. My fingers work vigorously over the little black box as I slip the chip in and plug it into my UBS port. Waiting... waiting... waiting... Ah, new device detected!! Bingo!

I slip off my bed and go lock my door. I definitely don't want to be disturbed. Getting back to my bed, I sit on my knees and stare at the `Play or Cancel' button. Reaching to click the play button and hesitate. `What if Alice is right? What if what we did was wrong, and Daddy is going to tell me so in his message? What if he hates me for getting us caught?' I pull my finger back and stare at the windows start up screen for a few minutes as I go over my self-doubt.

Knocking comes from my door, and I can hear someone trying to open the door. "Go away!" I yell.

"Mom says you need to come to dinner and TV time," Missy says in her normal prissy voice.

"I'm not hungry. Leave me alone." Soon I hear her going down the stairs, and I'm left with my previous dilemma: play or not to play? I shake my head to clear the doubt and grab Maxwell to hold him tight. "She's wrong. Daddy would never hurt me," and with that, I clicked play.

"Do you like your room?" My dad's voice sounds through the speakers. It sounds a little rough coming from such old tech, but it's him. "I designed it with you in mind. Well, I really designed the whole house with you in mind." My dad is an architect and designs lots of houses. "I figured your mother would take it in the divorce. It's my best creation yet, next to you, of course." My tears start flowing and streak down my cheeks. That explains a lot about this house. All the things to count. My room having no walls, so I don't feel like the it’s falling on me, and everything is black, white, and gray. My daddy knows me so well. "Although I'm certain you're feeling quite bad at the moment, kiddo, none of this is your fault; you hear me? It's all on me. I knew others wouldn't understand the connection we have, and I'm sorry I didn't prepare you better. I won't give up on you, so don't give up on me. She can't keep you from me forever. Every hall you walk through, every step you climb, or even the backyard you explore, remember that I made it for you and that it is proof of my love for you. I'm almost out of memory space; I better go." I'm not just sobbing, but sobbing uncontrollably and loudly.

I take the chip and secure it into Maxwell's backpack next to my emergency inhaler and puzzle cube. Suddenly knocking at my door again startles me, and I use the bottom of my shirt to wipe my eyes and nose, like it helps. "Go away, Missy! I want to be alone!"

"Honey, what's wrong? I can hear you crying through the door."

It's Alice, and all of a sudden rage fills me that she's being motherly. "I'm not hungry; go away!" I yell, and my voice cracks as shooting pain travels down my spine.

"Honey, I wish you would talk to me. I know you're having a hard time with the move and everything..."

My world starts spinning, and I lose it, interrupting her, "Go away! Go away! Go away! I hate you! Go away!" My body is shaking out of my control, and through my rage, I kick my laptop off the bed, and it shatters against the wall, bringing me out of my tantrum. I can't focus! I'm coming apart at the seams! I struggle with Maxwell's backpack's zipper, trying to get it open again. My head wobbles on my neck so badly that I can't see straight. Maxwell shakes from my hand as my teeth clench together, and I fall on my back on the bed.

From this point on, everything happens in slow motion for me. I know I'm shaking again, but strangely, I can't move my limbs. All the sounds are replaced with a high-pitched buzzing. I've almost vibrated off the bed, and my head begins to hang low as my bedroom door busts open. Alice runs in, screaming something I can't understand or hear over the buzzing; my mind just can't concentrate. She runs to the nightstand, pulls out a little black case with a red and white plus sign on it, and opens it. I see the syringe as it fills with liquid from the small bottle, and I realize I must be in bad shape. I can feel my pants being pulled down, and then I'm pulled into Alice's lap, and she holds me tight as my body tries to fend her off. My mommy holds my head up, and I can see her saying something. She looks tired and scared as tears stream down her cheeks. Over us, I see the stars on the ceiling, and I find myself counting. I got to twenty-six before the darkness took me.

Waking up in the hospital is a solemn experience. It means I must have lost control and almost died again. I let my temper get away from me, and I lost it. I blink my eyes a few times. They're heavy and dry, and I feel like I haven't used them in a while. Scanning the room, I find Alice sitting in the chair next to my bed with her jacket over her like a blanket, sleeping. In the next bed, I can see a nurse attending to the other patient across the room. I wait for her to finish, and when she turns around, I give her a little weary wave with my hand. "Excuse me." Speaking just a little hurt so bad, my hand went to my throat, and pain flashed across my face. Wow, that hurt so bad. It didn't even sound like it was my voice that said it. Maybe it would if I had been eating sand for the last twenty-four hours.

"Oh, Andrew, you're awake," the nurse says, coming over in a hurry. She pushes a button on a small box next to my left arm. "Mrs. Docker, Mrs. Docker, wake up. Your son is awake."

I watch my mom’s eyes snap open, quickly stands up, and immediately begins to crying. My eyes shift to the nurse, and I painfully whisper to her, "...it's AJ."

"Oh, okay. You prefer AJ, huh? Then so be it, AJ, it is," the nurse says as she is taking my blood pressure.

Suddenly the door opens, and another nurse comes in with a man in a long white coat. That must be my doctor. "Wow, Andrew, you gave us all quite the scare," the doctor says with a cheerful smile. The nurse whispers something to him, and he turns back to me, looking almost embarrassed. "Whoops, sorry, I meant AJ. Well, either way, I sure am glad to have you awake. I'm Doctor Adams. What is the last thing you remember?" He asks as he places the stethoscope on my chest.

I sign to Alice, `I don't remember; I was up in my room. I think I was lying on the bed...' Yeah, I know American Sign Language. There was one time, when I was six, I had an attack that was so bad I lost my voice for a pretty long time—almost a year. So, Daddy and I had to learn the basics, but I found it fascinating, and it made me feel cool. Like, I had my own secret language that only he and I could use, but then Alice had to learn it, so whatever. Suddenly, the doctor gets a dreadful, shocked look on his face.

`That's weird,' Doc Adams signed back at me. Then he re-attempts to listen to my heart again. `You don't have a heartbeat, and yet you look fine to me.'

My face slowly stretches into a smile, and I let out a dry, raspy giggle. I point at my ears and then at his ears. He looks at me quizzically and then touches his ears, and then amazement covers his round face as he realizes he doesn't have the stethoscope in his ears. I'm sure he's just being goofy for my benefit; I'm not fooled. Despite the fact that I am only eight years old, it did feel good to smile and laugh slightly.

`Well, it will all come back in time,' Doc. Adams signs, then accepts my chart that the nurse gave him. He sets the chart down on a hook on the end of my bed and says, ‘Until then, I'd be grateful if you would honor us and stay here for a few days so you and I can be better friends, okay? Your mom is welcome, too, but maybe she should try and get some sleep at home. He'll need fresh clothes, and please bring us a list of his medications. If you could, let the nurse know his last physician with AJ’s information. Let's try and head the next attack off at the border, okay?’ Then he gives me a big goofy smile and leaves with the nurse that came with him.

I sign, `How long was I out this time?'

"Not long, honey; maybe a day, not quite two."

`I want to go home.'

"I know you do, but it's best for you to stay here for now."

I begin to tap fingers on my thumb and the stream of numbers begin to flood my mind and the world. Maxwell flashes through my thoughts. I frantically sign, `Maxwell! Where's Maxwell!'

My signing is a little sloppy. I'm still having a hard time moving my fingers and hands, but soon Alice gets the meaning, and she opens her overnight bag and retrieves the only thing I have left that my daddy gave me to show his love. My fingers embed themselves in the bear's fur, and I can feel his thickness on my chest. I close my eyes and begin to count the black beads that are sewn on his chest. (Eighteen beads.) Soon I'm asleep again, but this time I dream of me and my daddy. 

Twins

28 Hours earlier

The sun is beating down on us while we bale hay. I holler up to my uncle Jack and have him stop the tractor from pulling the wagon. I set my hay hooks on my next bale and wiped my sweat off my head.

"Here," my twin brother Zeke says as he hands me a bottle of water.

"Thanks," I responded, and I drained the bottle of water, but leaving the last bit to pour it over my head. My name is Zack, and you've already met my twin brother, Zeke. We are identical twins, and I don't mean like pretty close; I mean like 99% identical. Our personalities are the difference; I'm more conservative. I have better manners. I barely cuss—well, maybe a little during sex; we all do, right? Zeke is brash and forward; he cusses all the time, even in front of Uncle Jack, and gets away with it; he's the first to jump in head first and the first to get hurt. Aside from that, our appearance is identical, right down to our birthmarks, balls and dicks; however, we will discuss that later. Our family runs the rental cattle farm called the Docker Estate here in Cut Bank, Montana, and it's just Uncle Jack and us. Us boys are built. I mean, puberty hit us hard. We're thirteen now, and both grew like a foot in a year; all our baby fat turned into muscle, including six packs; and our voices crack all the time. As a result of our aversion to clothing and the fact that we are perpetually tanned from all the farm work outside, I dare say we look amazing naked.

What's a rental cattle farm? Okay, well, the family that owns this farm lives in New York City, and they own like four or five rental cattle farms scattered across the U.S. Then they hire families to move into the farm hand's house behind the estate, and they take care of the day-to-day farm stuff. They normally rent out the estate to rich, snobby people that want to pretend to me Montana cowboys or cattle ranchers, but they don't bother us too much other then a horse riding tour.

The cattle part of the farm is where we raise cows, obviously. We have anywhere from a hundred and fifty to hundred and eighty head of cows at any given time. They are sold at auctions to the highest bidder and in the spring, we get new calves to replace the cows we sold and do it all over again. So, we spend most of our days taking the cattle to the watering hole, or we follow the creek and then make a forty-acre trek back to the farm. Sometimes we camp out and bring the herd home in the morning, if Uncle Jack is in a good mood. Other than that, we do some hay farming, and what we don't use gets sold off to other farmers, and that's what we're doing now.

Anyway, as I re-wipe the sweat from my head, I see a bark blue SUV driving towards us and it's slowing down. Are they seriously slowing down to watch the farmers stack hay bales? As it comes closer, I can see a woman driving, a girl in the passenger seat, and another girl in the middle. Wait, what's that? In the very back seat is the most gorgeous boy I’ve ever seen staring at me. He has short blonde hair and fine features on his face. He must be skinny because his head doesn't make him look very big. As they get closer, I can see he's waving at me. I'm not sure why, but I wave back. I think I'm in love.

My brother's empty water bottle then abruptly snaps me out of my daydream by colliding with my head. "Earth to Zack. Come in, Zack. Can we move on, please?"

"Did you see that?"

"What... no."

"That little boy waved at me. He was so cute," I tell him as I pick up my hay hooks and sink them into the ends of my next bale.

"No, you stud, I didn't see him. Can we move on, please?" He asks harshly as I hike the bale onto the bale elevator, and he spins his wrist in a circle above his head. Uncle Jack revs up the tractor.

As I follow the SUV out of the corner of my eye, I see it pull into the estate's driveway. "Hey, they're pulling into our driveway. Look!" And I point with my hook. Zeke stacks the bale and watches the SUV pull towards the house. He whistles for Uncle to stop and points to the house.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you two that the estate owners are moving in. I guess it was a nasty divorce, and she took over all of the cattle farms, then picked ours to live in. Things are going to change around here; I hope for the best."

You mean no snobby rich renters? People are really going to live there, and one of them is going to be the boy of my dreams. I can't wait to meet him.

"Hey! Get moving back there!" shouts Uncle Jack.

"Sorry!" I shout back and quickly hike up the next bale while my brother makes fun of me. 

At our house, Uncle Jack won't let us go see the owners, especially that little handsome boy. Instead, he has made pizza. We are sitting in the living room, us twins naked, of course, watching American Ninja Warrior and eating pizza. Despite the fact that the air conditioner is also operating, the fan is on. Suddenly, I get a strange feeling of anticipation and competition from Zeke as he dives for the last slice of pepperoni pizza before I can move. I try to intercept him and pull him back with my left hand so I can reach for the last slice with my right, but like normal, he overpowers me with leverage. He collapses onto the couch cushions while gnawing on pizza while sporting a shit-eating grin. I settle back and watch him eat as he swings the last slice back and forth in front of me until the last piece of pepperoni falls on his chest, and before he can get it, I lean over and grab it with my teeth.

After chewing it in front of him and returning a grin, I reposition myself and lick the remaining grease from his tanned chest. His lips emit a soft moan as he swallows, prompting me to repeat the action. Sitting up, I can see Uncle Jack sitting in the recliner. He rolls his eyes at me and turns up the TV volume. Zeke sits up and kisses me deeply. With my eyes shut, I open my mouth as he takes initiative and slips his tongue in. Then he goes for my right nipple and pinches it... hard, and inches as close as he can to me until our dicks are touching. As soon as I felt the pain emanate from my nipple, I muttered a low grunt followed by a moan. I feel for his left nipple wanting to return the favor, causing him to jump a little.

His hand is all greasy from the pizza, and he smears it all over my dick as he reaches down with his left hand and grabs us both, jacking us off in a slow, slow rhythm. My tongue enters his mouth as our tongues battle for whose mouth to stay in, and the taste of the last slice of pizza lights up my senses. At this point, our cocks are dripping in precum, and I gain leverage and push him back on his side of the couch. I rub the precum all over his wrinkled hole, and he moans and bites my upper lip. My brow furrows, and I grunt again, making him smile at me. To get him to let go, I wrench his left nipple again, but this time I don't let go until he arches his back, giving me the best opportunity to inch closer and scoop my dick up into him. It slides in without a break, without a pause, and without mercy. His eyes go wide, and he looks down at me to see my smirk. He smirks back and wraps his legs around my waist, forcing me to push in deeper. Our eyes begin to roll in the back of his heads, as the warm, wet, tightness overtakes all my senses.

I begin by sliding my cock in and out with the skill that I've practiced since we were eight years old. Many times a day, more times than that a week, and don't get me started on the other ‘skills’ he and I have ‘practiced.’ He starts to moan and grunt, so my eyes move up to look at Uncle Jake, and without looking, he shakes his head a little, then turns the TV up louder. Taking this as a green light that we aren't bothering him, I begin to really push it in. Zeke proceeds to lean in for a kiss after I have listened to the sound of my pubic region slapping his butt for approximately ten minutes. Suddenly he grabs my hands, holding them out, and bites my bottom lip.

Sitting up out of shock, I pull him up with me only to give him leverage, and my dick slips out with a pop. With his right hand, he pushes me to my side of the couch onto my back while releasing my lower lip. He spits in his hand. Zeke uses his legs to spread my mine as wide as he can, opening my butt cheeks to the prize hidden inside. He begins to smear the spit on my butthole as I protest, "Hey! No fair, I haven't cum yet!" Laying on my chest to hold me still, he frantically searches for my hole with the tip of his dick.

"You're too slow! I want your ass now! It's my turn," Zeke says with the same smirk that I gave him. And right before he gets his prize, I see Uncle Jack stand up, and step towards us enough to get us in reach. Zeke's face hovers above mine, about two inches, and the tip of his tongue sticks out and rests in the corner of his mouth with a look of deep concentration on his face. Then his eyes suddenly go serious as he studies my face, like he's reading my thoughts. I watch Uncle Jack's hand land on Zeke's bare ass and deliver the loudest slap I've heard in a very long time. His eyes widen as in response to the shock and pain of the slap, Zeke's face contorts and his cock recedes within his body.

"Get a room you two! I'm trying to watch TV!" Uncle Jack shouts as he sits down in a huff, then turns down the TV to the original volume.

Zeke hops off me, walking bow-legged in a circle with his hands rubbing his ass and making a hissing sound with his mouth. Uncle Jack's slap covered both cheeks, and his little puckered rosebud adding a new sensation to the butt slap that neither of us could expect.

Zeke stops, prances around, smiles at Uncle Jack, and says in a sarcastic tone, "We are..."

Laying my hand on Zeke's shoulder, I smile and mimic his tone, picking up where he left off, "...in a room."

Uncle Jack, without taking his eyes off his TV, points to our bedroom and yells, "Go!"

And we respond at the same time, just as loudly, "Okay!"

With a slight limp in my walk, I rub my butt with my right hand in an attempt to dull the pain of a slap I never received.

Entering our room, Zeke sits down on the bed, then immediately stands back up, rubbing his butt a little more. "You okay?" I ask him, and I take his shoulder to turn him around. He bends over, and I look at the artwork of a red hand print on his perfectly tanned bottom.

"I've had it worse. I don't know what hurts more, the cheeks or my hole."

I gently spread his cheeks to the sound of his painful hisses and ouches to see a very red and swollen little hole. "Well, it looks like I'm not fucking this tonight," I sigh as I subconsciously rub my ass.

He lays down, face down, on the bed, and sees me rubbing my ass. "Did you feel it?" He asked with a concerned look on his face, and I just nodded. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," he said, and I could tell by the expression on his face that he wasn't joking. He was always sorry when he got us in trouble, but when puberty hit us, something happened that neither one of us expected. We became connected.

Neither one of us remembered it before we were almost thirteen, and it was a day I'll never forget. The story that we have put together by asking each other in-depth questions about not just the events that led up to the moment, but also the feelings we shared that day. Zeke was in the house because he didn't do his house chores, and I was outside playing basketball waiting for him. As usual, Zeke got mouthy to Uncle Jack, and so Uncle Jack dragged a chair to where Zeke was standing. He knew he had pushed our uncle too far, but his apologies fell on deaf ears. As Uncle's bent him over his knee, his overly large farmer's hand whipped Zeke good. Zeke repeated his sorries and begged for it to end as Uncle's hand connected to his ass. Once he was satisfied that his point had been made and it was not soon forgotten, Zeke was released. He was told this would happen every day if he didn't do his house chores on time. Zeke was holding his ass with one hand and crying uncontrollably. He finished his chores and left out the back door to hide in our secret place in the cow barn.

The closer he got to the hiding place, the more he started to hear crying coming from our secret spot, and when he saw me, I was curled up in the fetal position, unable to move, clutching my butt with tears covering my face. I was crying so hard that he couldn't understand what had happened. Once I calmed down enough, I told him I was on my way here to the spot when my butt felt like it was on fire. The burning turned into a stinging pain as it increased, and I think I described it as feeling like one of our uncle's spankings. Zeke just sat still, as if he were in shock, on his knees next to me and stared with his mouth open. Then I saw the tear tracks on his dirty face. Turning him around slowly, I saw the spanking marks I'm all too familiar with left by my uncle, and he started to cry again. That day in the barn, we vowed to keep it a secret from everyone. They would never believe us anyway.

It's been a year now since the event, and we have figured out that it only happens when one of us is in extreme pain. Thank the heavens, it doesn't happen with all pain, and it's only happened a few times in the past year; it happens with extreme pleasure too, but enough about that for now.

I'm able to sit, but only slowly and with my weight on my right cheek. My butt hole hurts the most. It feels like a sunburn stings me every time I move. With my left hand, I caress Zeke’s muscled butt when I notice the flashing red and white lights moving through the room coming from the window.

"Hey, look at this," I say, pointing out the lights grabbing Zeke's attention.

"Look out the window," he says, showing no effort to stand up. Do you blame him?

Looking out the windows, my eyes go wide, and I hurry out of the room with Zeke moving a lot better on my heels.

"Uncle Jack..." I say with worry as I enter the room, but he already is standing with the door open, watching the estate as an ambulance backs up to the front door. We hurried to stand next to him, and he noticed that we were both still as naked as the day we were born.

He scowls at us and tells us to go put some shorts on. When we protest, he begins to turn around, and we hurry back to our room, saying at the same time, "Okay, okay, okay, don't get mad."

By the time we got shorts on, we have to hurry to catch up to Uncle Jack. He leads us to the front steps of the estate. The stretcher is being carried down the staircase inside the living room with the frailest little boy that you've ever seen.

I put my hand on my brother's shoulder to pull his ear to me, and I tell him, "That's the boy. The one I saw this afternoon in the SUV." The medics carry him down in front of us, and as his mother passes us, I notice a stuffed bear lying on the ground.

"Hey! Wait, you dropped this." I pick it up and rush to the medic, who takes it with a smile and tells me not to worry, saying that my friend is going to be just fine. I exchange a sorrowful look with my brother and watch as they work on the boy before the door closes. Mrs. Docker and my uncle exchange words, and then she hurries to join her son in the back of the ambulance.

We watch it drive away, and our uncle tells us, "Okay, show over. Go pack an overnight bag and include a full suit of PJs. We're staying on the estate to help watch over the girls until the new maid gets here tomorrow morning. No bare skin around the girls, guys." Both of our sour faces show our feelings about being around two girls overnight, but we know better than to bring it up and hurry off. 

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

AJ

AJ has been out of the hospital for two weeks. It's the Sunday before school begins.

Standing at attention feels funny. My back is so straight I kind of want to fall over. My sisters and I stand before the great Uncle Jack. I started to call him Uncle Jack the day he fixed my door. He doesn't seem to mind, and the twins seem to giggle every time I say it, so they must be OK with it.

"Stand up straight. Put your chest out," he says as he walks back and forth along the line. The twins are on horseback and are prancing around us. Zack gives me a funny face along with blowing me a kiss, and I begin to laugh like crazy. I mean, I was barely holding it in as it is.

"Do you think riding horses is a laughing matter?" Uncle Jack yells as he quickly kneels in front of me and tickles my sides.

"Stop! Stop, I'm going to pee my pants," I laugh and plead. I do a little dance in place. Not to escape, but to wiggle. It feels good to have a man's hands on me again.

"Well, we can't have that in front of girls, can we?" he says in mock seriousness as he stands back up.

I heave and hoe as I start to breathe again. Man, it feels good to get back to how I was before I had the shakes two weeks ago.

"Today we are learning to ride horses. This is a cattle ranch, and if you have any interest at all, you will need to know how to ride."

I can't hide my nervousness, but knowing that I am with Zack calms me down like nothing ever has. Even though I feel safe around Uncle Jack and Zack, there are certain things I just can't control. Uncle Jack has 36 interlocking squares on this shirt and eight belt loops on his pants. I've counted them twice so far.

"AJ, you're riding with Zack," and before I know what's happening, he picks me up under my arms and hoists me up to Zack's saddle. He catches me, and I grab the horn of the saddle for dear life. Zack wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in a warm safeness. I hold my breath until things stop moving.

"I got you. You're going to be fine. I won't let anything hurt you," Zack repeats, in almost a whisper in my ear. I open my eyes and see how high we are.

"Do you feel him breathing, AJ?" Zack asks, leaning over and placing a hand on the horse's side.

I place my hand on his arm and slide it down to the horse's side, and I do feel him breathing.

"Yeah, I do. Neat," I say, and give him a big smile. The saddle is a little hard for my legs to straddle, but I think it will be OK for a short while.

Looking out, I see Missy and Alice on one horse and Lana on her own, but Uncle Jack is leading it around. Zeke is just spinning his horse, showing off. As our horse trots around, I say without thinking, "You guys are lucky to own horses."

Zack leans over and gives me a look of confusion. "Little guy, you own everything here. Horses, four-wheelers, all the equipment — it's all yours. We just run the farm."

"Huh, that's incredible. So, if I wanted, I could ride this horse all day by myself?"

He laughs at me. I'll have to remember to tickle attack him later.

When he stops, he tells me, "Well, I'm sure your mom would kill me if I let you do that. Besides, wouldn't it be nicer to ride with me?"

He's got me there, and I let him know by laying my head on his muscular chest and sighing a little.

Uncle Jack says, "OK everyone, you can start moving around slowly. Try to stay near Zeke unless you lose control, and he needs to help you."

So we start moving, and the best way to describe it is… bouncy. Since I'm with Zack, I get to go out a little farther and then go around Zeke. It feels good to know that Zack is here for me and will protect me.

I love his scent. It's a mix of boy sweat and Axe body wash. I saw it in his shower when I was at his house and used the bathroom. I'm really starting to like it.

After a while of riding the horse, I began to have a problem. My nuts are really beginning to hurt, and soon the pain is more than I can bear, and I ask to get down.

Zack rides me over to Uncle Jack. He has me slide to the side he's on and catches me when I am in range. He whips me around in a circle as I belly laugh again and then sets me down. I act like I'm dizzy by spinning around, and Zack dismounts to hold me. His hug feels great. It's loving, firm, and makes me feel special. I melt into him for a moment, before the alarms go off in my head and I push him away, surprising Zack and Uncle Jack.

I see Alice watching from the corner of my eye, and I announce, "Stop it! I don't like to be hugged. Boys shouldn't hug boys."

I storm back to the hay bales stacked by the gate. I try so hard not to look at anyone, but I have to make her think, no matter how much it hurts, that I wasn't hugging Zack.

Uncle and the twins are still in shock, but my sisters begin to laugh, mostly Missy.

Seeing the way Zack looks at me is painful, and I want to cry so badly. But I know that if I did, Missy would tease me about that too, so I spin around and look away from everyone, in case I start to cry.

Finger, thumb, finger, thumb, finger, thumb, finger, thumb — then backwards and repeat. Five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, thirty, thirty-five…

I can't get the look on his face out of my mind, and I can feel them all looking at me. When I can't take it any longer, I stand up and scream loudly, "AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!"

I say that I'm going to my room. And I leave.

Twins

We're in the stables putting away the horses — brushing them, watering and feeding them, and all that jazz. When I just can't take it anymore, I go up to Uncle Jack and ask if I can talk to him. He just says "Sure," and I'm sure he knows what it's about, but he humors me.

"It's kind of private," I say, looking at Zeke, who throws up his hands.

"Hey, I know where I'm not wanted. Don't tell your brother — it's not like we share the same thoughts and feelings anyway." He huffs back towards the house.

After Zeke leaves the barn, I make sure he's gone, then walk right up to Uncle Jack and lean my head on his massive chest. Before my forehead touches him, the waterworks are flowing.

Uncle wraps his strong arms around my shoulders, and I sob. He gives me a few moments to let out what I'd been forcing myself to hold in, so I didn't cry in front of Zeke.

"All right, come over here," he says as he leads me over to a hay bale and we sit down.

We sit next to each other, and after I've composed myself a bit, I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. He pats my leg and says, "Why don't you start from the beginning."

I sniff a few times and wipe my eyes and nose with my shirt.

"I love him, Jack," I tell him plainly.

I figured from past experience with my uncle that using his first name tells him how serious I am. On a normal day, if I did that, I'd walk funny for the rest of the day, but at this moment he lets it go.

"He'd been flirting with me for days, and then last week Zeke and I were… well, AJ saw us one morning, in the barn, and he dropped his teddy bear. I went there to return it and he…"

I look at uncle, thinking about how much I should tell him about ogling AJ while he slept.

"I can't help you unless you tell me what happened."

I know he's right. "He was sleeping on top of his covers, only wearing his… ummm." I feel the shame swell up in my chest and it chokes me quiet.

"Zack? Did you do something to him while he slept?"

I shake my head.

"No sir, although I wanted to. Jack, he's so small, but I'm sure his underwear is a few years old because it was tight. And to make matters worse, he was… well, he had a… you know… a tent going."

"Oh, OK. But you didn't do anything to him right? No touching?" he asks, with a look that could either generate pride or set off a bomb. I just shake my head no, and he puts his arm around my shoulders.

"I knew I couldn't live with myself if I did that. Anyway, I woke him up and gave him the bear, and he just jumped into my lap, hugging me. Uncle Jack, it's everything I've ever wanted, and I was in heaven until… he whispered in my ear and asked me…"

I look up at his eyes and finish, "… 'Am I a bad boy?' "

Jack's eyes go wide, and he sits up a little straighter.

"What did you tell him?"

My tears start to flow again, but I manage to get out his answer.

"I told him he wasn't. I thought he was talking about seeing Zeke and me, so I think my answer wasn't what he wanted. But he settled into my lap again and laid his head on my shoulder."

Wiping my tears again, I continue, "And everything was heaven again until Mrs. Docker yelled up the stairs to make sure he was up, and AJ leaped from my lap. Jack, he was shaking and freaking out. I tried to calm him down, and when he was sure she was back downstairs, he leaped back on my lap, telling me something that keeps me up at night." I take a deep breath and try to settle my nerves before I finish.

"He said that she took someone from him because that person was playing games with him. AJ's mom told him that that person was bad because he played those games.

"I was OK so far. I had in mind what to say, but then he confessed that he liked those games and wanted to play them. Then he laid his head on my shoulder again and whispered, Am I a bad boy?

"I just stared at him and pulled him into a hug again while my mind shifted through all the clues he had been dropping for two weeks."

When I look at uncle, he's looking down at the floor, and I can tell he knows. "It was his dad, wasn't it?"

After some time with no answer, I implore him, a little louder than I want to, "Tell me! Tell me what to say! Tell me what to do!"

He quickly wraps me up in a hug and I cry again into his chest, feeling lost, weak… useless.

I shout into his chest, "If she finds out about us, she'll hate us too, and I'll never see AJ again!"

He pats my back and begins to rock me.

"I'm going to lose him. Please tell me what to do. Tell me what to say. "

An hour later

I walk into the house and enter my room. Zeke is laying on our bed, and he's tossing a baseball up and catching it.

"Enjoy your talk?" he asks flatly.

"Yes… and no," I tell him as I move to the bed and pull up on his shoulder, letting him know I want to sit on the bed.

He leans up and I sit behind him, and now we're back-to-back. I hold my hand out in front of me, and after a few seconds a baseball drops into it. I throw it from hand to hand then up over my head.

Behind me, I can hear the ball smack into my brother's hand, and he says, "You know, I love him as much as you do."

"I know, I can feel you do."

I hold out my hand and wait, and the ball comes from over my shoulder into my hand.

"But you two have a connection that he and I just don't have," Zeke says as his voice cracks.

Sometimes this connection we have really sucks. It's knowing someone is hurting and, on top of that, you feel it too.

I sigh. "I feel useless. I just don't have the words."

"I don't know what you're not telling me, but I'm always here for you bro," he says, and soon I hear the ball smack into his hand.

"He's hurting, Zeke. Uncle thinks that the only thing I can do is be there for him and not take anything he says to heart when he loses it. Uncle thinks the divorce was especially hard on AJ and he's having trouble accepting it.

"He told me AJ's not mad at me. He said sometimes we hurt the ones we love to show how much pain we're in." I hold out my hand and from over my shoulder, the ball drops into it. I get up and begin to walk out of the room.

Zeke lays back down and reassuringly says, "I've got your back. We'll protect him together."

I nod and toss the ball over my shoulder as I leave, and I hear him catch it.

AJ

Sitting at the kitchen bar on my normal stool, I count the notches. Alice sits across from me, trying to make eye contact. "Andrew?"

My finger moves from one notch to another, "Huh?"

"Can you look at me?"

"Huh?" I answer her as I count.

"Andrew Maxis Docker, do you think Zack deserved what you did to him?"

Whoa… Alice used my full name. My counting finger stops.

"No," I hear myself answer.

She reaches over the bar and lifts my chin, and I move my eyes to the right to the clock over the stove.

"Can you look at me, please? AJ, look at me."

My eyes slowly move to connect to hers and my emotions begin to bubble up.

"AJ, do you think you hurt Zack's feelings?"

I nod, my head in her hand.

"Why did you do that?"

I want to scream it at her. I want to yell so Zack can hear me. I want to let her know how hurt I am, but I just shrug, and I feel a tear fall down my cheek.

"What should you do?"

"Say I'm sorry," I whisper and wipe my cheek.

"OK, this is what we're going to do. You're going to tell Zack that you're sorry, tomorrow at the front door before you go to the school bus, so I can make sure you do it right. And if you don't do it correctly, you will stand in the corner after school until dinner. Then you can try again the next day."

"Yes ma'am."

"And after school," she continues, "you will be meeting with a child therapist named Dr. Ford." I sniff a few times to no avail as snot and tears make a mess of my face.

"Oh honey," she says as she takes a paper towel and cleans my face. "She will be a safe person to talk to, and when you're done, I will go in and talk to her. We both need help, baby. This just isn't working."

Now that I'm crying, I can't stop myself from seeing Zack's face when I pushed him. The longer it stays in my mind, the more uncontrollable my sobs are. My mommy comes and picks me up, and I know we're heading to the bathroom to take a bubble bath.

Later that night I stare at my ceiling, like I have since Alice put me to bed at 6 pm. I've counted my ceiling stars so many times that I lose interest and look at the clock. It's 10 pm. Every time I close my eyes, I see Zack's face.

I get out of bed and drag Maxwell to the back balcony and look through the telescope at Zacks' house. He's sitting outside in a chair, staring at my room. I give him a small wave, and he puts a tiny smile on my face when he gives me a small wave back. I sign `I'm sorry,' knowing that he can't understand me, but selfishly I feel a little better.

Looking through the scope, I get a really good look at him when he signs back, `I know. Good night.' Then he gives me a smile and signs, `I love you,'and he goes inside.

He learned to sign for me. He loves me. I head back to bed, and I fall into the covers on my belly and hug my pillow, telling Maxwell, "He loves me."

In the morning, my eyes snap open and my excitement is through the roof for the first day of school. My sisters are gone by the time I get up, so I get to use the bathroom without a fight, eat my breakfast in peace, and watch cartoons until I hear a knock at the door.

"Come on, Andrew. You know what I said about Zack," Alice reminds me.

"I know. I will."

The door opens and it is like letting all the air out of my balloon. Zack and Zeke stand at the bottom of the steps, watching us.

My mouth doesn't work. I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my head.

"Uuumm… about yesterday, when we were riding the horses…"

"Hey, don't worry about it. Water under the bridge," he says with an amazing smile.

Alice steps up, and I can feel her almost touching my back as she looks at Zack. I see his eyes shift from me to her and he swallows.

"That's very mature of you, Zack. But how did you feel when Andrew pushed you?" she asks, her gaze fixed on me.

His eyes shift back and forth as he decides how far to take this.

"It really hurt my feelings. I thought we were friends, but I talked to Uncle Jack, and he told me that sometimes we hurt the ones we love to show how much pain we're in."

His eye contact with me is honest and direct, as if he is trying to tell me something other than what his words are saying. "You can hurt me if you need to, AJ. I can take it."

Shame and guilt must be all over my face when I tell him, "I'm really sorry for what I did, Zack. I won't do it again."

Within the blink of an eye, Zack is up the steps and folds me in the warmest hug. My tears get on his shirt, but he doesn't seem to care.

It's partly an act of defiance. He knows Alice doesn't want me to hug boys; it's almost like he's daring her to say something.

Alice lets us hug for a surprisingly long time before she says, "You know what? Why don't I just drive you kids to school? Let me get the truck and I'll come around and pick you up."

Zack lets me go, and I go back inside to get my school backpack and Maxwell.

Then the door is shut, giving us a few moments of privacy. Zack takes my hand, and we walk down the stairs to where Zeke is standing with his backpack. Zeke gives me a hug.

"We will always be here for you little bro, no matter what, understand?"

And I do understand.

As our SUV pulls up, Zack asks, "You excited for your first day at our school?"

"Kind of, I don't know anyone but you guys, and you're in eighth grade."

Zeke gives me that smirk he's so fond of giving people and says, "The other kids are going to love you. Third grade, right?"

I answer with a nod. He leans down and whispers in my ear, "You sure it's best to bring your teddy bear?"

I wrinkle my nose, wondering if maybe I've already screwed up my day. Looking at Maxwell, I wonder why I can't have him at school. In New York, I used to bring him to school every day.

"Do you think the other kids will make fun of me?"

Zack punches his brother in the shoulder and rescues me.

"You'll be fine, AJ. You're a great kid and everyone is going to love you."

Zeke shrugs, and as he turns to get into the SUV, he grudgingly says, "…I'm just saying."

Once we get in and seated, Zack helps me with my seat belt. He takes Maxwell from me and looks him over. It makes me a little nervous when someone else holds my bear, but after what I did to him yesterday, I think I owe him some leeway. He looks him over and slides his hand down the beads on the front of his chest. Then looks at his little backpack and its contents.

"Rubik's cube, an inhaler, a syringe with a medicine bottle, and…" His hand comes out with the memory chip, and I can see his lips begin to form words. My hands move faster than he registers when I reach up and cover his mouth. I put my other hand on his hand with the chip and slowly force it back into the little bear's backpack. I mouth the words please don't and remove my hand from his mouth. Taking Maxwell back, I zip up the pack and sign `I'm sorry.'

Zack's look is questioning, and I look toward Alice, then back at him and shake my head no. Zack says a little louder so everyone can hear, "OK, I think Zeke is right though. Let's put your bear in your backpack for now.

"Thanks," I say, and help him work Maxwell into my backpack.

Getting out of the truck promises to be pure chaos. There are so many kids and the school is so big that I gasp at the size.

"It's grades first through twelfth. We didn't qualify for two different schools because of the count of our kids, so they just built one and shoved all of us in it," Zeke leans forward and tells me.

Alice parks the SUV and we all walk in together. Once we get to the stairs, Zack and Zeke tell us they are on the second floor with the rest of the middle schoolers, and I only have to worry about the first floor with the elementary school kids.

Alice walks me to the office, and we meet the secretary and the principal. The secretary gives me my schedule, a map, and offers to show us around. I take the schedule and the map, look it over a few times, and then hand it back. The secretary gives Alice a look, but then when she doesn't say anything, she puts it back on the counter.

"We are very excited to have you with us this year, AJ."

Cool, she got my name right I think to myself.

She then tells us that my father came here to personally inspect the school to make sure it was ready for someone like me. Alice looks uncomfortable at that, but I love the attention.

We look at the lunchroom and the gym, and then she takes us to an eighth-grade geometry class. She says that this will be my math class, and I'll have it before lunch. After the class, I'll have lunch with the eighth-grade class, and then it's back to my third-grade classroom to finish the day.

I'm a little worried, but Alice and the secretary tell me that I will be great and that I should have no doubts. But my experience with older kids has never ended well. I've had my share of swirlies.

The first period bell rings, and we arrive at my third-grade class. Alice walks me in and meets the teacher while I place my backpack in a cubby. I open it to see Maxwell looking back at me, and I look around the room to see if anyone else has a stuffed animal. Everyone is rushing to their seats, and I decide to try to get through the day without him.

Alice must be able to feel my apprehension, so she kneels and pulls my chin to get me to make eye contact.

"Hey, you're going to be great. Just try and enjoy yourself today, and you can tell me all about it when I pick you up for the doctor's appointment." I give her a nod and she kisses me on the cheek.

After she leaves, I go back to my backpack and get a rope tied into a circle with a bunch of nylon washers threaded on it, and I shove it in my pocket. When I get to the desk with my name on it, and I put it inside.

Third grade here is much like it was in New York — boring. Every time the teacher gives me a book, I flip through it a few times and then just sit there until about an hour before lunchtime. The bell rings, and everyone grabs their lunch.

The teacher calls me up and says, "You, young man, are on your way to your geometry class. Do you know the way?"

I stare at the floor and nod my head.

"Do you want me to take you there just in case?"

Another nod, and she sends me to gather my backpack with my stuff and we head to the second floor.

Eighth grade works differently than third grade. Each subject is a different class. The school has agreed to let me try one of the older classes to see whether it works out. If it does, they will bump me up next year. Once we get to the geometry class, my teacher takes me in and introduces me to the eighth-grade teacher.

The class is full of kids, all about the twins' age. I spend most of my time staring at the ground. NO EYE CONTACT! That is the lesson I learned in New York City. The kids are whispering and talking back and forth until they see me standing by the teacher's desk. I scan the room and suddenly feel a serious mistake has been made.

"Well, hello there!" The teacher is a younger man, tall and lanky. "AJ, I'm Mr. Wolde."

He gives me a handshake, a book, and asks me to take my seat. I see where he is pointing but lower my head before I go there. There are no cubbies here, so I just place my bag next to my chair. I put the book on my desk and begin to flip through it. As the teacher is talking to everyone, I get almost to the end of the book, and someone kicks my chair and sends me forward into my desk. Rubbing my sore chest, I think And so it begins.

I reach into my backpack and pull out my rope and put it in my desk. Keeping my hands in the desk, unless I need to turn the page, I begin counting the nylon washers on the rope. About halfway through the book for a third time, a hand touches on my shoulder, making me jump. Twenty-five washers.

"Wow, you were in your own world, weren't you?" asked Mr. Wolde. My eyes scan the room, and everyone is looking at me. I can't hide anywhere. I just have to sit there and let them look. Fifty-seven, fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty washers.

"So, I see you've been scanning ahead in the book," and I give a little nod. "AJ, you can talk here. You don't have to be shy."

I can't help myself as my eyes scan the room again and I nod again. He squats down so he is eye level with me and begins to flip through the pages of my book.

"How many times did you read this book just now?" Sixty-nine washers.

I hold up three fingers.

"Hmmm… do you think you've got it down?" And I answer him with a little nod.

"Wow, just like that, huh?" he says with a slight smile. I take a deep breath and wish for him to leave me alone.

The class begins to whisper back and forth to each other, "Why is he here? There is no way he understands the stuff in that book. There must be a mistake." Ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-nine, one hundred washers.

Mr. Wolde looks around the room as the other kids talk about me, making my face turn bright red. One hundred ten washers. Why won't he leave me be?

"Well, why don't you come to the front of the class, and let's introduce you to everyone?"

No, no, no, no! Why is this happening? I think in horror. I can hear the kid sitting behind me laughing at me.

I stand up, and as I follow Mr. Wolde up to the front of the classroom he says, "OK, let's hear it for AJ!" and he begins to clap. The other kids join in.

Once we get up in front of everyone, I notice that I still have the rope and washers in my hands. He leans down to me and whispers in my ear.

"Did you want to hold on to those for a while?"

I give him a shallow nod, and I start to freak out at all the eyes staring at me. One hundred ninety-six, one hundred ninety-seven, one hundred ninety-eight, one hundred ninety-nine washers.

"OK, AJ, tell us about yourself."

He gives me an odd look and hurries to the back of the classroom, pulling all the attention to himself and off me, thankfully. Squatting down, he mutters, "Oh, this is no good," and then hurries back to the front next to me.

Looking around, he points to his desk in the corner and, with one swift motion, he pushes all the items that were on the desk off and onto the floor, making me jump.

"There we go. Let's try this again."

He moves behind me, and before I know it he's lifted me up in the air and placed me on the desk. Everyone begins to laugh. Now I'm the tallest thing in the room, even taller than he is. Two hundred and fifty-three, two hundred and fifty-four, two hundred and fifty-five, washers.

"OK, once again — class, this is AJ Docker. AJ, tell us where you're from."

I look at him with horror in my eyes as I look for the best way down. Mr. Wolde sits on the desk next to where I'm standing and leans into me and whispers, "How about you tell me, and I'll tell them."

This seems like a reasonable compromise. Two hundred sixty-one washers.

Getting close to his ear, I whisper, "New York City."

"New York City, good." Some of the kids talk among themselves, and then Mr. Wolde speaks up.

"What is your favorite thing about New York City?"

Leaning his ear to my mouth, I whisper, "Christmas."

"Christmas — all those lights, and the huge tree in Rockefeller Center."

Once again the class begins to talk among themselves for a few seconds. Mr. Wolde holds up his hand, and the class quiets down again.

"OK, we are going to throw the lesson plan out of the window for today, and Mr. Docker here is going to help us play a game."

He digs into his pocket and pulls out a piece of chalk, and hands it to me. Then he turns to look at the chalkboard about six feet away, then at me, then back to the board.

"Hmmm, hold on. I can fix this."

With a swift motion, he picks me up onto his hip and pushes the desk across the room to the chalkboard, making a terrible racket. It's such a surprise that the class responds by laughing and yelling at the sound. Even I let a giggle slip, and he notices. He smiles and winks at me, then puts me back on the desk.

"So!" He says this so loudly that everyone becomes still. "What we are going to do is, one of you is going to raise their hand and I'll call on you. You will stand and introduce yourself to AJ, then pick a page from the textbook at random. AJ will write on the chalkboard the geometry problem that is on that page."

My eyes about bug out of my head. Three hundred and forty-six, three hundred and forty-seven, three hundred and forty-eight, three hundred and forty-nine washers… he's got to be kidding!

Mr. Wolde turns to me and says, just loud enough so that only I can hear him, "I knew your father. He used to talk about you all the time. You are a very special boy. Let's show them, OK? You've got this."

Then, turning to the class, he says, "Who's first?"

The class explodes with hands up, and kids whooping and hollering to be called on. There's a knock on the door, and the principal walks in, asking if she's missed it. She seems a little put out that I'm standing on the teacher's desk, but she doesn't say anything, and takes a seat in the back of the room. Three hundred fifty-nine, three hundred sixty, three hundred sixty-one, three hundred sixty-two washers. Mr. Wolde points at a boy at the front of one of the rows.

"I'm Tom Mattic." Tom picks up his book and shuffles through the pages until he lands on one he's satisfied with. "Page 153," he says, pretty proud of himself.

My eyes shift around the room; it's suddenly full of very quiet kids who are wondering how I am going to do this. I look at Mr. Wolde; he nods his head and whispers, "Go ahead."

I give him a little nod, close my eyes, and my mind shifts through the book until I get to page 153. Then I turn, look at the chalkboard, take a deep breath, and begin to write.

Mr. Wolde moves around me, watching over my shoulder, and reminds the room that I only received my geometry book a few minutes ago. Once I'm finished, I turn around and give the teacher a nod, so he asks Tom to come up and check my work.

Tom stands by me for what seems like the longest time. Four hundred and two, four hundred and three, four hundred and four washers. Then he proclaims, "He's right! How did you do that?" And the class erupts in cheers. Mr. Wolde pats me on the back and gives me another wink.

"OK, who's next?"

This goes on for about twenty minutes, and when Mattie Styles stands up and introduces himself, he calls for page 72. My eyes scan, trying to judge the room. The students seem to be on my side now. I don't feel as nervous, but I still want to get down and to hide somewhere.

As the pages turn in my head, I freeze, and my bottom lip begins to quiver. Four hundred and twenty-seven, four hundred and twenty-eight, four hundred and twenty-nine washers.

Mattie proclaims "I got him, he's stumped." Four hundred and thirty-three washers.

Mr. Wolde says, "Do you not know it, AJ? Because if not, it'll be OK. I mean, you haven't missed one yet."

I wave him over and whisper in his ear, "What do I do if the book is wrong?"

This surprises him. He thinks about it, picks up his book off the floor, and finds page 72. Four hundred and forty washers.

The boys are high-fiving Mattie, congratulating him on stumping me while I wait to hear what Mr. Wolde tells me to do. Four hundred forty-six washers. Four hundred forty-nine washers. Four hundred fifty-three washers.

The principal comes up next to the teacher, and the two of them began whispering back and forth.

"Well, I don't believe it," Mr. Wolde finally says. "AJ is right, the formula on page 72 is incorrect. It's a misprint. Well done, AJ," then he starts clapping, the class joins him, and I breathe a sigh of relief.

When the clapping ends, Mr. Wolde asks the one question everyone is dying to know.

"Now — how did you know that?"

I wave him over so I can whisper in his ear, but he says, "It'll be fine, just say it, loud and proud."

Four hundred and fifty-six, four hundred and fifty-seven, four hundred and fifty-eight washers.

I look around the room and the other kids are cheering me on, until Mr. Wolde calms them down so I can speak.

"I, ummm… I have something called a photographic memory." Still standing on the desk, I can tell by their faces that they are confused.

"I can look at something once or twice and then recall what it looked like, down to the last period." This is met with whoops, hollering, and more cheering.

While I'm blushing, Mr. Wolde picks me up and sets me on the floor. Squatting down, he tells me he is very proud of me, and that it was very brave of me to do that.

I risk myself a smile. He said I'm brave.

Mr. Wolde spends most of the rest of the class picking up the stuff he knocked on the floor from his desk. The kids all talk to each other, and some even talk to me; I mostly use head nods and shakes to communicate. They all want me to show off again. Books, comics, and magazines are all laid on my desk with requests to do it again.

The bell rings shortly after that, and we all head to the door. Once I get through, I see the sea of students heading to their lockers or the lunchroom. As I take a few steps to my right, my backpack is suddenly ripped off my back. Spinning around, I realize that Cut Bank, Montana is no different than New York City, New York.

"Let's see what you have in here," mocks the big boy who'd been sitting behind me. If I remember correctly, the name was Bobby Tons.

I try to get it back, but Bobby just holds it above my head and tells me, "Hey! The faster we go through it, the faster you get it back."

I stop jumping and his buddies laugh at me for being so small. Bobby opens it and pulls the top of the backpack apart to see Maxwell staring back at him. He breaks out in laughter and reaches for the bear.

"NO!" I scream, and again I leap for the backpack, but this time I'm successful. Holding the backpack to my chest, Maxwell stares at me, giving me a thankful look as I run against traffic with the bullies hot on my heels.

In a few moments the crowding allows me to get ahead of them. Door after door, I look for somewhere to hide, until I find one that is open. I slip inside, turn off the lights, lock the door, and wait for those idiots to lose interest in me.

Chapter Text

Alice

A sigh of relief slips out as I pull out of the school parking lot on my way to the child therapist's office. Dr. Ford wants to meet me in person so we can talk about AJ. And me. Before we hung up, she asked me to think about one question that I'm not completely sure I can answer.

"What do you want Andrew to get out of our sessions?"

That's a loaded question if I've ever heard one. I want him to be free of the memory of what that child molesting bastard did to him. He doesn't deserve to be remembered for what he has put our son through. But I'm not sure I can say that without falling apart.

I take a deep breath, and decide to stop for coffee. I think I'm going to need it.

*

Ding ding goes the little bell over the therapist's office door, and within a few moments Dr. Ford steps into the waiting room. I put down my coffee and stand to meet her.

"Hello, you must be Alice Docker."

"Yes, hello. Thank you so much for taking AJ on such short notice."

"Of course; I like to give the new residents walk-in privileges."

I pick up my purse and the coffee, and follow her to the office. I sit down where she motions me to. Her office looks like any medical doctor's office, except for the small area to one side filled with toys. One toy in particular catches my eye, and I get up and get it before we start. I'm back down in my chair before Dr. Ford sits down.

"So, let's get down to brass tacks. I have all of AJ's medical records, including the ones from two weeks ago. Do you think anything that he's going through has anything to do with him being as sick as he is?"

Without thinking about it I answer, "No. As a matter of fact, I don't think he knows how sick he is. We decided to keep it from him for as long as we could. He knows he's sick and that high stress and his temper will set it off, but he doesn't know or understand the danger he's in."

My voice is wavering, and Dr. Ford stands up and brings me the tissue box.

"Thank you, I think I'm going to need these."

"OK, building off that information, how much do you want me to tell him if he brings it up?"

This one I've thought about.

"I don't want him to live with the fear that every breath he takes could be his last. I don't want him to know that a touch in the wrong place along his spine or at the base of his neck can set off an episode. I don't want him to know how weak he is or how fragile he is. I want him to be a boy."

She nods her head a lot while writing things down and ends it by touching the end of her pen to her chin.

"OK, that's good. It gives me some room if it comes up, and some insight."

Dropping her pad, pen and her hands into her lap, she looks at me.

"I know this next part is going to be hard, but I need to know the full story of why the boy calls you Alice. From the beginning."

I've prepared myself for that question, too. I knew I would have to answer it eventually, but haven't been looking forward to it. I exhale every bit of air in my lungs.

"OK, how much time do I have?"

"As much as you need, I only have you and AJ today."

Nodding in acknowledgment, I begin.

"Andy and I were a marriage for the books. We were deeply in love, and everyone thought it would last forever. We had two beautiful girls, but I had problems, and we were told that a third baby was out of the question. I've only seen Andy pray for two things in all our years. The first time was for a baby boy. Five years later, we learned I was pregnant with our third. We were overjoyed, but we figured out about halfway through the term that something was wrong with the baby. I was too far along to do anything about it, so we just prayed that the doctors could save our baby son when he was born. And that was the second time I saw my husband pray.

"Andrew Maxis Docker Jr. was born a month early. He was so tiny, so tiny…" I had to stop myself. I had to use the tissues.

"Take your time."

"He was able to come home three months later, and for a few years we shared everything that went into raising a sick little boy. But around the time AJ was turning three, Andy suddenly stopped helping. He showed no interest in AJ. This went on until he turned seven.

"Then it all changed. AJ started to show some… talent, I guess you'd say. It took us a while to figure it out, but now, of course, we know he has a photographic memory. You have no idea how frustrating it is to try and raise a child that has perfect recall.

"But Andy would sit at the piano with AJ on his lap, and they would play together for hours. He would play, then AJ would copy him. It was nice to have the music in the house all the time. Any time AJ was put down, he'd make a beeline straight to that piano; he just couldn't resist playing it."

"Does he still play?"

"The piano was the first thing I had them remove from the new house. Both of them. He had one in AJ's room. Why would an eight-year-old need a piano in his room? We'd never get any sleep."

I calm myself down and wipe my eyes. "No, he doesn't play anymore.

"As Andy got really close to our son at about seven years old, I started to notice them both acting differently. Nothing too crazy, but little signs that something was being kept from me. But everyone was happy in the family, and I had the girls and their needs to deal with, so I didn't put too much thought into it."

My eyes drift around the room, trying to give my mind something to do while my mouth talks. Then I see the picture of Dr. Ford's family on her desk, and I freeze.

"Alice? Do you need a break?"

"What? Oh, sorry… no I'm OK." I need to be as strong as AJ.

"It was the night of AJ's eighth birthday. I've watched the house security camera recordings, so I can tell you what exactly happened that night.

"At bedtime, it became customary for Andy to say good night to the girls and then bathe AJ and then lie with him until he fell asleep. We found this led to fewer nightmares, and I was thankful for that because AJ can have some serious night terrors. Then, about midnight, when he was sure everything was OK, he would sneak out of AJ's room and into ours to sleep.

"He normally read a book while he was in there, and there were no cameras in AJ's room for me to know anything different. We were thinking that as a teen he wouldn't want them in there, so we didn't put them in any of our children's rooms. But, that night… he wanted to give AJ a present…"

*

"AJ?" Andy whispers. "Hey little guy. Wake up."

"What time is it, Daddy?" What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Do you want the super daddy birthday present?"

The little boy's eyes light up for a second, but then fatigue takes over his body again.

"Can I just open it later? I'm tired."

"No, I'm sorry little guy, you have to open it now. And we'll have to be quiet because everyone is sleeping."

Picking up his son from the bed, Andy straightens up. AJ rolls into his father's chest and immediately drifts off, only to be awakened by light hitting his eyes. He opens his eyes and sees that they are in Andy's home office. The lamp is turned off, the door is closed, and the computer, the source of the light, is booting up.

"I'm not allowed in your office."

"You are tonight, buddy, and if this goes well, you will be again."

Then, to calm his son, he begins to rub the inside of his legs. From his little knees to under the pajama shorts to his perineum, the man's hands glide across the smooth flesh of the newly eight-year-old boy.

AJ knows this can mean only one thing, and the excitement wakes him fully. He quickly removes his PJs, and in a moment the little boy is naked, sitting in his father's lap with his legs on either side of the man's muscular thighs. His father's dick is at full erection, pushing up against his son's small ball sack. It's so much longer that it reaches up to where their dick heads are touching. Andy slowly strokes AJ's inner thigh with one hand as he uses the computer mouse with the other to select a video from a file list.

This is what they both like. This is what both of them look forward to almost every night. But tonight is special. Tonight, Andy has found a bunch of videos with men and boys having sex, and under the guise of being a birthday present, Andy is determined to get AJ very interested in them.

The video starts; a naked man is sitting on a bed, and a boy who's smaller than AJ walks in from a doorway. He's naked as well. AJ begins to slowly stroke his hairless little cock. This isn't the first movie he's watched with Daddy, but it's the first one with a boy around his age.

The boy climbs onto the bed and crawls up the man's front and begins to lick the man's chest and nipples, and in return, the man starts fingering his lovely boy hole. After a few moments the man moves from fingering to licking the boy's pink hole, and he squeals in pleasure, which makes AJ giggle.

"Do you think you would like that?"

A blushing AJ looks up at his daddy's face, lit up by the light from the computer screen, and nods.

Andy pulls his young son up to his chest and spins him around, and he takes his youngest child's little three-and-a-half-inch [9cm] steel rod into his mouth. He reaches out with his hand and moves the chair so they can both still watch the video.

Though the volume is low, they can hear that the boy in the video is ecstatic with pleasure, and is moaning and begging for more. AJ arches his back, and the good tingles begin to take over his body. It's the only time he doesn't feel different from the other children. He knows he's different somehow, but can't place it. When Daddy does this his whole body goes numb, and he doesn't have to worry about the sore muscles or the day to day pain. He can just go along on the ride.

Andy switches to his son's rosebud. He teases the small entry point until it opens to him, then inserts his tongue, making AJ whimper and grab onto his daddy's arms for support. The boy in the video's not acting, he thinks, this really does feel amazing.

"Daddy… this is the best birthday present ever."

After a couple more minutes of blissful playing, the video gets to the part that Andy is interested in. He pulls AJ up and sets him on his thighs, facing him. Andy's cock is producing precum in a constant stream, and once it comes to rest between AJ's legs, it covers his balls and dick, and begins to drip down the boy's perineum and towards his rosebud. AJ loves it when this happens; it makes everything more slippery, and he imminently begins rubbing his dick on his daddy's.

"Look AJ. Look what that son is doing for his daddy."

AJ's eyes go back to the screen and he sees the boy sitting on the man's lap with his legs positioned like his.

"Daddy, they're sitting like us."

Then the man on the video licks his finger and reaches down to slide it into the young boy's hole. His head rocks back and his eyes half close in pleasure. He says something quietly to the man.

In response, the man pulls out his finger, lifts his hand to his mouth and licks a second one, and then inserts both into the boy's bottom.

"Can we try that too, Daddy?"

He's hooked, Andy thinks to himself. He licks his fingers and then gives them to AJ to lick and suck on. He reaches down and begins to prepare his son for what is to come next.

It's uncomfortable at first, nothing like what the boy in the video made it look like. Most of the time it hurts, but at times it feels kinda good as his daddy's finger inches its way into his butt. After some time, his daddy pulls his finger out and makes him sit up closer to the computer screen.

AJ puts his hands on the desk and watches the video. Then pain shoots through his butt hole, and he spins around with pain showing on his face.

"Sorry… I'll go much slower with two fingers. Remember, little guy, you're also my first. I'm learning all this, too."

Accepting his daddy's apology, AJ goes back to watching the video. Little by little, two fingers slip up into his bottom, and even though he cringes a couple of times, it's starting to feel good. Once the fingers are in almost all the way, AJ begins to grind his bottom on Andy's lap, forcing more of the fingers inside.

It's got to be here somewhere, Andy thinks, carefully moving his fingers around in search of a small, smooth, bump. Then AJ's body jerks and he almost falls off Andy's lap. His head turns around, and he looks like a kid that has tasted chocolate for the first time.

"Do that again!"

Andy spends the most of fifteen minutes drawing small circles on AJ's prostate, causing the boy to writhe in pleasure. With his toes clenched and his hands gripping the table, AJ doesn't know how much more he can take, but he never wants it to end.

Andy, on the other hand, thinks it is the most erotic thing he's ever seen, and pushes his son farther and farther into rapture. Finally, he gets what he's been waiting for — AJ experiences his first orgasm. It's dry, of course, but it sends the boy in all directions. He isn't in control of his body anymore. It has a life of its own and, with the warm, blissful, giggly feelings it's giving him, he'll let it have control. His toes curl up, his fists ball up, his back arches, and his hips thrust upwards so hard he thinks he might pass out from the joy.

Having seen his boy experience his first dry orgasm, he stops moving his fingers and lets AJ rest. Soon Andy realizes that the boy in the video is ready, and he carefully, gently pulls his fingers out.

AJ is still panting, and sweating as if he had been playing in the sun all day. He could feel it drip down his chest and belly. His father leans up to his ear.

"AJ, are you ready for the big game?" he whispers. "Watch, they are going to show us how it's done and then we'll try it, OK?" And he smiles as his son gives his father a head nod.

The man in the video grabs his boy firmly around the waist and lifts him up a few inches, and positions him directly over his massive throbbing cock. He slowly lowers the boy onto it, slowly, steadily entering the boy's hole.

The boy's face lights up, and he licks his lips. He leans over and gives his man a kiss, and then the man begins to pump his cock in and out of the boy hole.

"I don't know, daddy, that looks like it would hurt. I mean, you're so big."

"Don't worry AJ, my fingers have stretched your hole so it will slip right in. This is my birthday present to you. You want it, don't you?"

After watching the video for a few more minutes, AJ decided the boy does look like he's enjoying himself. He keeps begging for the man to do it harder, so maybe it isn't that painful.

He turns and gives his daddy a smile, and Andy's large hands wrap around his son's tiny waist, sliding him up onto his belly. After a few seconds, AJ feels the tip of his daddy's dick rest on his little butt hole.

"Are you ready? Are you sure? Daddy wants this really badly, but you must want it also."

"Yes, Daddy, I want you to feel good. I want to feel good. I'm sure."

"Listen AJ… at first this is going to hurt." The fear in his youngest's eyes almost makes him falter, but seeing the video playing over AJ's shoulder, the thought is swept from his mind.

"But Daddy promises that it will feel great after that. Do you trust Daddy?"

The pain is a new element that he wasn't told about until now; AJ has to think about it, like he thinks about everything else. The gears turn in his mind… should he be afraid of a little pain? His body hurts him all the time. He decides that for a while he can take whatever pain he gets.

"Yes, daddy, I'm ready."

With a small push up, Andy's cock slips past the first gate. AJ's eyes open wide, and his lungs begin to audibly fill with air. Andy knew what was coming, but with the tightness of his son's butt distracting him, he almost didn't get his hand over his son's mouth in time when AJ screams. AJ immediately began clawing at his father's hand and tries to get leverage on anything to lift himself off this painful position.

"Shh, shh, shh, daddy's here. It's OK. Calm down, I've got you. You'll be fine," Andy says in a soothing voice.

In a minute or so AJ begins to breathe easier and stops pulling at the hand covering his mouth, and Andy pushes up again. Again, AJ flails and moans through his father's hand. Every movement is heaven to Andy. Every squirm of AJ's body sends indescribable pleasure through him.

He holds on to AJ's waist and begins to move in a slow rhythm when he realizes that AJ has almost flailed himself into exhaustion. He's limp, with his legs over his head on the computer desk.

The little boy in the video is begging for more and is daring the man to hurt him. "Fill me, daddy! Fill me up with your magical juice!"

Andy is far too into this, he has to finish. He pulls AJ's slack body back to his and begins fucking the small boy. Aj moans and winces, but he's so tired and out of it that he doesn't put up a fight anymore.

"It's OK. Daddy loves you; I've got you. I would never hurt you. You'll be fine."

Andy says it over and over, either to comfort the boy or to reassure himself. When he feels the pressure build up deep in his balls he knows he's close, so he covers his boy's mouth once more and really sinks his cock in as deep as he can, causing the boy to fight back again. AJ's body goes rigid; his toes curl, his hand digs into Daddy's arm, causing small droplets of blood to appear, and his back arches in an unhuman way.

Dry orgasm number two Andy thinks, as he feels the anal canal tighten on his dick. By instinct alone he pushes in harder, ignoring his son's weak pleas, until his load explodes into his son's perfect ass. The increased size of his dick as it swells to eject his proof of the love he has for his son causes the boy to squirm a little, but once that hot liquid has shot and shot and shot into him, coating his insides, the boy melts onto his daddy's sweating body. The two lay there, both catching their breath.

Once Andy is breathing normally again, he carefully lifts his son off his hard dick, which slaps onto his belly. He sets AJ down slowly so the boy can get used to his legs once again, then gives him a kiss on his forehead.

"I am very, very proud of you. You've made your daddy very happy tonight."

AJ smiles at that and allows himself to feel a little pride that he can make his daddy proud and happy. Then he picks up his PJs and walks gingerly out of the room.

Andy all but collapses in his computer chair and turns off the camera. He can't wait to watch what happened tonight with his friend at work, and maybe with AJ tomorrow night.

*

Alice paces back and forth in the doctor's office. She's on her third box of tissues and her fourth or fifth cup of coffee.

She takes a deep breath. You're almost done, she tells herself.

"I had heard a noise that night that woke me, and it was almost two in the morning. Andy wasn't in bed, and I went to see where he was, and what the sound was. He would sometimes fall asleep with AJ, and I'd have to go get him. So I wasn't worried… until I saw him."

Alice sits down, and the doctor moves close to her. Taking Alice's hand, she lets her know that she's here for her and that she must finish.

Alice puts her other hand on the doctor's and accepts all the support the doctor is willing to give. After another deep breath, she continues.

"AJ wasn't in his room, so I went looking for the two of them. I noticed that light was coming from the hallway, so I went to check the office. I came off the stairs, and when I was almost there, AJ came out, naked. He was using the wall to support himself as he stumbled towards me. I don't even think he saw me until I knelt down to look him over.

"His body was trembling, his eyes were half closed, and he was covered in sweat. Between his legs, I noticed a liquid dripping from his testicles. At first, I thought it was sweat because he was covered in it, but then I reached for it, and when I brought it up to my face I knew it was blood and sperm. Worse, it was coming from his butt.

"I picked up our… my son, and I looked into the office. Someone was in there… he was wearing my husband's body, but he was like someone else… he was naked, and he was watching on his PC and listening through a headset to a video of… what looked like him and… "

She stops and looks at the doctor and shakes her head.

"Don't make me go on, please. I can't."

Doctor Ford embraces Alice as she cries, and tells her how brave she is to tell that story, and that she should be proud of how she protects her children.

Alice lays her head on the doctor's shoulder and, through her sobs, tells her that her son hates her.

"He won't even call me Mommy anymore. Andy has taken everything from me. Doctor…"

She straightens herself and wipes her nose on a tissue before continuing.

"You have to get Andrew to agree to change his name. I can't call him Andrew, Drew, or AJ without remembering that moment. You must help me!"

"Alice, I just have one more question.

"Do you think you're a bad mother?"

AJ

Darkness.

I sit in this room with the lights off. Some time has gone by, and I haven't heard any noise in the hallway for a while. I reach into my backpack and check on Maxwell. He seems OK. I open his pack and take out my cube and begin shifting through the combinations. I can feel my panic beginning to melt away, and when the cube is done, I turn on the lights.

Oh wow! I'm in the music room.

There are a lot of chairs and music stands, some instruments, and… a grand piano!

I pick up my backpack and reach for the doorknob, but… I can't seem to turn it.

Looking back at the piano, I give it a good thought. Maybe it will be OK if I play a few notes. Maybe if I can just hear a note…

I look around the room, making sure no one is here.

"Hello?"

My voice seems very small, evidence of the size of the room. Nothing comes back to me but my echo.

I drop my pack by the door and inch myself toward the piano as I whirl my Rubik's cube, scrambling its pattern. I reach out slowly, and once I touch the first key I feel an electric charge go through my arm.

"Hello?" I try again, to just make sure I'm alone, and when no one says anything, I place my cube on top of the piano.

The stool has wheels on it, which is weird, and nothing like my old one. I sit on it and wheel myself up to the keys. I position my hands over them, and I close my eyes and shift through my mind for the memory that I want to relive. Then, as if pushing play on my iPhone, I play and sing.

Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — Too much love drives a man insane. Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — You broke my will — Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — But what a thrill — Bum, Bum, Bum GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!! I slide my hands down the keys, just like the man in the movie did, and then go right back into the song.

My fingers flow over the keys just like Daddy's did. We are connected, and I'm sure that somewhere he's playing right along with me.

Right before the last chorus, I bolt up from the seat and the stool spins across the room and crashes into a horn, making a huge clang. But that isn't what startled me. It's the man who yelled, "Hey, what do you think you're doing?!"

I stop playing immediately, and since I'm already standing I spin and run to the door and unlock it. I jerk my backpack up from the floor, open the door and run.

Twins

I've spent the last fifteen minutes standing and looking at the lunchroom doorway.

"I don't like this; he should be here by now. Something must have happened."

"Well, you not eating isn't helping him get here faster, so sit down and eat, why don'cha'?" Zeke says, and pulls me down to the bench. Sitting down, I pick up my sandwich and stare at it.

"I know what that look is," says a friend of ours. His name is Ryder. "One of you has a crush on someone."

Both of us freeze in mid-bites and look at each other and then we both deny it immediately.

"No, you're crazy!"

The table erupts in laughter, and the boy sitting next to me, named Cory, elbows me in the side.

"Oh my God, he's right, isn't he? You both said it at the same time!"

"So? We do that…"

"…all the time, it doesn't…"

"…mean anything."

The laughter gets louder, and we're starting to get embarrassed as we notice the other tables starting to look our way. Then Chet speaks and calms everyone down before we all get into trouble.

"Look guys, you only do that twin thing when you're excited or you're nervous. So which is it?"

I look at Zeke and he returns my look with suspicion, "We do it when we're nervous…"

"…or excited. I'd never thought about…"

Then looking at Chet at the same time, we say as one, "….it that way. Are you sure?"

A smile crosses Chet's face and he stares intently into both of our eyes, and then rests on mine. After a long look, his smile grows.

"What's her name?"

"Whose?"

"The girl you're crushing on."

Then, with a welcome distraction, Harry stands up and yells, "Look, it's that genius kid from geometry that's got a photo memory."

"Where?" I ask, wanting to see this geometry protégé.

"There, in line, with the yellow backpack!"

I tap Zeke's shoulder, but he already knows, and we almost fall over each other to get up off the bench.

AJ

I found a group of eighth graders to follow, and I guess I blended in because I've lost that man that was chasing me. I feel pretty safe entering the lunchroom, so I get in line and purchase a bag of chips, a fruit roll-up, and a chocolate milk. I know I'm almost out of time, so I turn to scan the room for an empty table. That's when I hear it…

"There he is! Get him!"

I turn just in time to see Bobby Tons and his goon squad coming for me. I drop my tray and it hits the floor with a clang! The items I bought are scattered across the floor, and I watch, with nowhere to run, as they close the distance on me. Then, right before they reach me, they stop and look confused.

"There you are!"

Zack's hand gently lays on my shoulder and carefully spins me around.

"We were worried something was wrong." Then he messes up my hair and I lean into his touch a little, so he knows I want it to last.

"By we… you mean you, don't you?" Zeke says to him, but he gives me a little nudge on my other shoulder with his fist.

"I knew you'd be OK. You're a smart kid."

Then both the twins stand up straight and look at Bobby and his stupid friends. After a few seconds of staring, they speak.

"Hiya Bobby."

"Is something wrong?"

One of Bobby's friends pulls on his shoulder a little, and they begin to head to the lunch line.

"Nope, we're good."

Zeke watches their little group get in line as Zack helps me pick up my stuff. Then we all return to their table. Cory, from class, slides over so I can sit next to Zack, and we all have about twenty-five minutes to eat and talk.

"Hey, AJ," a few of the guys say.

I recognize them right away from class and say softly, "Hey," and raise my chip bag over my face.

Zack shrugs and musses my hair up.

"He's really shy," he says with a smile. "We're still working on that."

"You should have just walked with us to lunch, AJ," Brian offers right before he takes a big bite of his apple.

A kid I don't know who's sitting across from me is quietly looking around the room, and I have no idea what he's looking for. Zack starts to say something, but is cut off when the kid holds up his hand to silence him. Then his eyes settle on me.

"You don't know who Zack is crushing on, do you?"

"He's… what?" I say softly.

"You know, falling in love with, has a crush on?" he says seriously, while watching both my reaction and Zack's. My eyes shift back and forth between the twins, settling on Zack. For some reason, his face is solid and unbothered. But I begin to blush and try to hide my face with my chip bag. Zack interrupts his little interrogation.

"That's enough, Chet. Don't embarrass the little guy."

Chet's eyes go wide, and slowly he switches from Zack's face to mine, then back again. What is going on? Did I do something wrong?

"No way!" Chet semi-shouts and stands up.

"Chet!" Zeke says over him, loud enough to alert the tables around us. "Brian was talking about the cool trick AJ did in class today. No one wants to hear what you think."

Chet looks around and locks eyes on Zeke and sits down. "Sorry, Brian, what were you saying?"

Calm again, he reaches into his pack and gets paper and a pen. He writes a note while Brian talks, folds it carefully and gives it to Zack.

He reads it first, then nods to him and gives me the note to read next.

Sorry — got excited. I won't tell — I promise!

I must look a little confused, so Zack whispers in my ear what happened, and then I smile and give Chet a little nod as I eat my fruit roll-up.

Chapter Text

AJ

"Now, AJ, I need you to listen to me really well."

Alice is on her knees so that she can be eye-to-eye with me. I still manage to stare at my shoes. I know what she wants, and there is no way I'm talking to this doctor.

"Dr. Ford is a very nice person. Honey, I spent three hours talking to her yesterday and she helped me. I can't wait to talk to her again, but now it's your turn, OK? You… we need to talk openly and freely. Let's try and not be very shy."

Then she hugs me. Since the doctor is there, I return the hug… just a little, and then Alice says she'll be back later to get me.

This is such a drag. It's been such a long day at school, and now all I want to do is go home and talk with Zack about my day. But no, I have to come here and waste my whole evening with… what is her name again?

I need time to think. Alice has just left me here. I pull Maxwell up to my chest and begin to rub my fingers over the beads.

"That's a nice teddy bear," Dr. Ford tells me. I take a backwards step toward the corner.

Her smile seems nice, but… I'm alone in here, and who knows what she's going to do with me. I've been to hundreds of doctors. There is always something — shots, exams, nakedness, operations, being talked down to, things that go in your mouth, and a host of other unpleasant things that go in places I would rather forget. I take a couple more back steps towards the corner.

"AJ, do you know how a therapist works?" She gives me the courtesy time limit to answer, in which I shake my head no.

"The cool thing about a therapist is that you can tell us anything, anything at all, and I can never tell anyone else."

My face squinches up, showing that I just think she lied. I take another back step and make it to the corner. There's a really big house plant here. It's almost as tall as me and twice as wide. I work myself around it and kneel behind it, so the doctor can't see me.

She just sits there and lets me do this. Then she continues.

"I can't tell the police, even if they tell me to. I don't have to tell other doctors or judges… or your mother."

The leaves part just enough for me to see her. She can't tell Alice? I wonder if she knows that.

"But you will tell Alice, won't you? Isn't that why I'm here?"

I can tell she barely hears me; I'm sure the plant doesn't help.

"No, I can't do that. I can't tell anyone. Can you come out? It would be nice to talk to you face-to-face."

After a while… like, five minutes or so, she gives up and I can see her stand and go behind her desk. Dr. Ford returns to her chair, but now she has a box with her. It's about the size of a shoe box, maybe bigger. She sits down and lays the box at her feet. Sitting up a little, I can see over the plant now as I inspect the box. It looks like an Amazon box; it has the smile printed on the side. I wonder what's inside.

"AJ, I think we both need a test. Why don't you tell me a super-duper secret, one that would get you into trouble if your mother found out, but not too much trouble."

I wonder if it's for me. It could be shoes, a ball and mitt… or Legos, that would be cool. I inch my way from behind the plant so I can get a better look at the other side; I think I see some kind of label. My eyes shift up to Dr. Ford and she's just sitting quietly reading and adding to her notes. Dragging Maxwell, I crawl on all fours and when I'm close enough, I reach out for the box. Suddenly, her foot moves the box closer to her chair. Sitting up on my butt, I watch her face. The label is just a shipping label, it doesn't say what's inside. I look back at the plant, but my curiosity is killing me. It could be food, or toys, or Rubik's Cubes. Hmm, what to do?

Now that I'm within three feet of her, I give her another look. She isn't like any doctor I've ever seen before. She's not even wearing a white coat. There are no trays of instruments, no beeping machines, and there isn't even a long bed with white sheets on it.

I decide I have to know what's in the box. Inching up to it, I reach for it again, but with another slide of her foot, she pulls the box closer, and it almost slides under her chair. Looking up, I see her smile. Not at me, mind you, just a smile. So I also smile. She's trying to be funny.

Taking a deep breath and letting it mostly out, I say softly, "I broke Missy's favorite hockey stick and then stuck it back together and put it in the back of all her other hockey sticks."

Suddenly, I feel a wave of shame. And it didn't occur to me till now, but now that I've said my secret, I realize that she might not give me the box.

After a few grueling moments of self-pity and regret, she moved the box a little closer to me.

"That was very brave of you, AJ. Thank you for trusting me."

She leans forward and reaches for me. I cringe out of self-survival! Why did I let myself get this close? What is she going to do with me?

And right when I think it's over for me, I feel a warm hand combing through my hair. My shoulders drop. I let the breath out that I just now noticed I was holding in.

And… I might have gotten a little excited… you know, down there. Not like full on stiffy, but if she does that any longer, I'd have a problem. I quickly change my sitting position to cross-legged.

She releases my head and sits back in her chair.

"There was this one time, I don't think I was much older than you, and I stole a radio from a store called K-Mart."

The shock I feel must be on my face because she smiles at me again and nods.

"OK, your turn. Come on – this time, make it a doozy," she says, and she shakes the box a little.

A doozy… is there something I've been really wanting to tell someone?

I start to blush, and I look away.

"I'm in love with someone."

"Oh wow, you little devil. Look at those cheeks. You must really love them. You're not going to tell me who?" And again, she shakes the box a little.

Damn her! It's like trying to hold a bug in your mouth. It wants out so badly, but you fight it by trying to keep your mouth closed.

"I can't tell you! I could lose him if she finds out…"

And my eyes go wide! I look her in the eye as my hand covers my mouth before it says anything else stupid.

I can feel tears beginning to collect in the corners of my eyes. I pull my hand away just long enough to plead, "Please don't tell my mom."

She comes down to my level and pulls a tissue out of her pocket. Very gently and slowly, she wipes the forming tears away and gives me a hug.

"Your secret is safe with me," she says. And for whatever selfish reason, I trust her.

Once I start to feel better, I start to break the hug, and she feels it and returns to her chair. My eyes are locked on her, wondering what will be next, and then something bumps into my knee. I look down, and the box is right in front of me, and I give her a little smile. I pull on the flaps, take a deep breath, and open the box.

It's a chess set!

"Wow!" I jump up and rush to give her a hug. This catches her off guard, and I make a note of it.

"Thanks, I like it a lot!" Then I practically hop back to the floor to look at my favorite game a little closer.

The board is on top of a wooden box that's just a little bigger than the board. On top, it has two clips holding it shut and a handle, so I can carry it around if I want to. I open it, and each piece looks to be hand carved and in the classical chess style.

While I look it over, Dr. Ford slides down to the floor with me and sits cross-legged also. She begins to pull the pieces out, and I get the idea she wants to play. I hurriedly dump out the pieces all at once and flip the box around to make the board. It's quiet while we set up our sides, and I lay on my stomach with my chin propped up on my hands. I can swing my legs when I lie like this and can even kick my own butt.

Once we set up, she looks at me and says, "Did I mention that since we're playing this in a therapist's office, we have to play by the therapist's rules?"

My confused face shakes back and forth. "No, you didn't mention that. Are they difficult? I don't know what the therapist's rules are."

"No, they're not hard. We play chess as long as we keep talking. If one of us stops talking, then we have to stop playing. OK?"

"Hmmm… what happens if you ask something I can't say?"

"Can't say or won't say? There shouldn't be any secrets between us, AJ. That's what I do, I help people work through their troubles and help them heal their heart." Then she looks down and moves a pawn.

"I think your heart is hurting something fierce, and I want so much to help you."

I think about her words and move a pawn. "You wouldn't understand… couldn't understand."

"Sometimes I don't understand, you're right. But I really don't have to, for you to feel better. I'm not here to tell you how you must feel. I'm here to help you work it out yourself." She moves a pawn again.

I move my knight and stare down at the board while I listen to her words replay in my mind. I think maybe I should just ask her the question I've been searching for an answer to. Without warning, shame and guilt slam up from where I hide it, deep down. I struggle to keep it from making me a wreck, and I need to whisper it before I'm overtaken by it.

"Am I a bad boy?"

I can't see her. I can barely see the game board. I can only see the carpet. I lay my forehead on the floor and cover my head with my hands, so she can't see me if I cry.

"No, not that I've seen. I see you as a loving, caring, thoughtful little boy. Why do you think you're bad?"

The mumble comes from somewhere under my limbs.

"Because I've done things. Bad things."

"What kind of things? Can you tell me, please?"

Under the pile of arms, my head shakes no.

"Please tell me."

Time ticks on and I pull Maxwell over my head to help hide my shame. Then I become aware of the warm feeling of someone's touch on my back. It starts rubbing me in slow circles. It's very relaxing. I wiggle her hand off, roll out from under her, and retreat to my corner behind the plant to stand facing the corner.

I can hear her get up and follow me to the corner. She moves the plant away and sits behind me.

"You're hurting very badly, AJ, and I want to help you. But you must tell me why you think you're a bad boy."

Then, very gently, she spins me around; I don't fight it. With tears streaming down my face, I figure I don't have a choice but to tell her.

At the lowest volume I can whisper, I tell her, "I got caught playing with daddy's penis…"

The tears are flowing now, so bad that my nose joins them. My mouth is quivering so badly that I can barely talk.

"… and I got us caught, and he got in trouble because of me, and mommy took daddy from me to punish me. She says the games we played were bad… that daddy was bad for playing them… doesn't that make me a bad boy? And now I'm all alone… and I really miss him… and what am I going to do?"

I can't stop talking, and about halfway through, I fall into her arms and sob deeply. She rubs my back and just listens. All my shame. All my guilt. All my regrets are all laid out for her to judge me on.

We sit there in the corner, me crying and her rubbing my back. She rocks me back and forth in a very strangely comforting way. I don't know how long. I might have dozed off once, but it was nice. Just to be held again.

Then she breaks the hold, and I sit back on my knees, and she looks at me with soft eyes.

"AJ, I'm very proud of you. It's brave of you to tell me these things. I'm very glad you shared those feelings with me, and next time we visit, we'll talk about a few of them. Will that be OK?

"Your mommy is waiting for you out in the waiting room. Why don't you gather your new chess set — don't forget it for your next visit — and you may go.

"Once again, I'm very proud of you. And you tell your boyfriend I said Hi."

Out of everything I just told her, I'm not sure why I'm blushing at the mention of Zack being my boyfriend. I can't help but grin.

"He's not my boyfriend yet, but I love him."

"Does he love you?"

"He said he does."

She gives me a reassuring head nod as she stands up to walk me to the door.

"Well then, maybe you should talk to him about it, or maybe you and I could talk about it next week."

I give her a little nod and walk through the door. Alice is out there, sure enough, and gives me a huge hug before she picks me up and sets me on her hip.

"So, how was it?" She asks while wiping tear fragments from the corners of my eyes.

"It was fine. Dr. Ford is nice."

Dr. Ford gives a little laugh and thanks me. Then we head to the car.

In the car, I can tell Alice wants to hear all about it, but I'm exhausted. I just want to sleep. I show her the chess set, and while she's talking about it, I fall asleep.

When I wake up, I'm on the living room couch with my head on my… on Alice's lap.

She and the girls are watching some dumb drama movie, yuk. So, instead of watching it, I just think back to what Dr. Ford and I talked about today, and wonder how far this rabbit hole is going to go.

Twins

The last of the cattle are trudging towards the barn and Zeke swings his lasso in the air to drive them in the right direction. "Here now! Here now! Hoop! Hoop! Left side! Left side! Zack!"

Aw shit… I'm just not into this today.

I spur my horse to hurry to the left side to intercept the younger ones that haven't learned the process yet.

"Hey! Hey! Where are you going, huh?" I shout as I swing my lasso and release it to fly in the air and land on the lead young calf to turn it back into the herd.

With the cows safely inside, we dismount and go inside to feed and lock them in their bins for the night. As we are walking the horses to their barn, Zeke is fed up with me.

"Zack, you've got to fuck the kid and get it over with."

"What! No, I can't, not after what he's been through. I need to take it slow. Besides… harsh! A fuck isn't what I want… I fuck you, for the fun of it. But AJ… I love AJ. I want it to be… more than that. Understand?"

His blank expression tells me he doesn't.

"Well, I don't care what you call it, but you have to do it soon, because you're a wreck. You're not sleeping. You're not paying attention half the time. I mean, you almost let that whole left side go and we would've had to start all over again."

"I know, I know. I just can't stop thinking about him. I've convinced myself that those three guys we saw chasing him at lunch are bothering AJ. I checked it out, and all three of them are in his geometry class. Bobby Tons even sits behind him.

"Besides, AJ saw that shrink today. Do you think they talked about me?"

"Why would they talk about you?"

"Oh, I don't know… maybe because I told him I loved him."

"You did what!? You're kidding me!"

"The day he pushed me when we were riding the horses — after we talked, I went outside and sat by the door, so if he looked out this window that night I would be there to see him. While I sat there, I got online and learned to sign some sentences, including 'I love you'."

Zeke stops his horse, "Did he sign it back?"

With a sigh, I answer with a shrug,

"I was so nervous he was still mad and wouldn't, I didn't wait to see. I just went inside to bed."

He scowls at me and then shakes his head in disapproval.

"You're an idiot."

Then he hands me his horse's leads and goes ahead to open the barn door.

He's right again, and I hate that. We work in pretty much silence. Putting the horses to bed is a quick job, and before too long we're walking inside to tell Uncle about bringing in the cattle.

He's already comfortable in his recliner, and Zeke flops onto the couch as soon as he gets naked. I can't help but stare out the window at the Docker house.

"Uncle, can I please spend the night at AJ's house?"

His look is one of indecisiveness, and I'm not sure which way he's going to swing on this issue. I mean, it's a school night, and I have to be up at 4:30 to do chores or I'll never make it to school on time.

"I've already got my homework done, and I promise I'll be up for chores. Please!"

He looks at me and then at Zeke, who returns his look.

"You should let him, Uncle. He's been driving me crazy all day — AJ this, and AJ that. Maybe they'll do whatever they need to do, and we can get back to normalcy."

Odd — that's a big word for Zeke. Uncle sees my cheeks blushing a little.

"I suppose so, as long as Alice is OK with it. And you'd better behave! If you don't, I'll whip your bare ass in front of everyone. Remember, Zack — you're older, by like five years. Use your head and do what's right. Don't do anything to mess this up."

Uncle is right, of course. A little rough on the message part, but he's right. I'm going to have to take it slow. Maybe let AJ steer the relationship.

Now to convince Mrs. Docker.

*

Knock, knock, knock…

I'm so nervous. You would think I was picking him up for the homecoming dance or something. Just in case she's OK with it, I did pack a little bag of stuff; it's slung over my shoulder. After a little wait, Mrs. Docker comes to the back door.

"Why hello! How are you?"

"Hello, Mrs. Docker. I was wondering… may I please spend the night?"

My nervousness must be obvious to see. She looks over my shoulder at the farmhouse.

"Is everything OK back home? You're not running away, are you?"

"No ma'am. I, ummm… I just want to spend time with AJ."

"And you're not going to get into trouble being here? What about your chores?"

"No ma'am, I talked to my uncle, and as long as I'm up in time to do the chores, then he's good with me spending the night. If you are."

"Well, it looks like you've taken care of everything on your end…"

She stands there thinking it over, for dramatic effect. And even though I know that's what she's doing, I squirm just the same. Then she smiles.

"I don't see any reason you can't spend the night. Your family is always welcome in our home, to spend the night or whatever."

I take off my shoes at the back door and Mrs. Docker leads me into the family room.

"Look who's here," she says, and everyone looks up. But only one leaps off the couch.

I drop my bag just about the time AJ leaps into my arms and gives me a big hug. Reluctantly, I break it a little sooner than I would have liked, but people are watching.

"Hey little guy, I asked if I could stay the night, and your mom said I could."

That earns her a hug from her son before he takes me by the hand and leads me to the couch to sit down with his bowl of popcorn.

I sit in the corner and AJ curls up under my arm. He appears to be… looser in some way. Whatever has been keeping him down is easing.

I'm not sure what they're watching, but I think I remember it from a few years ago. It has Ryan Reynolds in it, before he became the cool action star. At this moment it doesn't matter to me. AJ is sitting so close, I can almost feel his heartbeat.

"Anybody want more popcorn?" Mrs. Docker asks, and gets answers: "I do, I do, I do!"

Once Mrs. Docker is in the kitchen I see Missy whispering something in Lana's ear, and then they giggle. For some reason, it makes me blush.

"See, I told you," Missy says in a hushed tone, so as not to let anyone outside the family room hear her.

"Hush, Missy. Don't start anything tonight," warns Lana.

AJ cuddles a little closer to me and I eye her. Missy is a great example of why I don't get into girls. I wonder when Mrs. Docker will return. I look over that way. She seems to be on the phone, and every so often she looks at me. When she sees me looking at her, she turns her back to me.

"Do you want to go to my room?" AJ asks quietly.

"Yeah, that would be less uncomfortable for sure," I whisper in his ear, and he giggles a little.

"Mom… we're going up to my room!" AJ yells, as we exit the family room and head to the stairs. I hurry over and grab my bag from where I dropped it when I caught the leaping AJ, and when AJ calls Mrs. Docker Mom, I notice that she seems shocked. In fact, I think maybe she is going to cry, and I ask if she's OK. She just watches AJ walk to the stairs and wait for me. When I nod and turn to catch up to him, she tells me, "Thank you."

As we hurry to his room, AJ is going on and on about how dumb that movie is. But all I can think of is his mom thanking me. It wasn't that she thanked me, it was how she did it, and what it was for. At first, I thought it was because I asked if she was alright, but now seeing how odd AJ is acting, I'm thinking it's for something else.

"You seem in a great mood," I tease him, and tickle him as we enter his room.

"Oh stop," he giggles, and he jumps, and squirms around my reach, but never tries to get away. So, I pick him up and jump on the bed with him. We roll around and end up face to face.

Time and even sound seem to slow, except for the sound of his wheezing. Our eyes are so close together that all I can really see are his green eyes and nose. His hot breath is on my lips, and I can study every eye movement. His green eyes are hypnotic. When I don't think I can wait any longer, I pull away. I roll off the bed and walk over to the Lego room.

"Hey, what happened here?"

I really don't care, but I need to adjust my hard-on. "Wasn't it full of really expensive Lego buildings?"

"Yeah, I kind of… broke them," he says as he rolls upside down on his bed and looks at me with those perfect green eyes.

"Broke 'em, huh?" I give him a questionable look and he gives me an upturned smile.

Spinning around on the bed, he kicks himself off and to his feet, laughing,

"Alice tried to change my name. I was mad."

Looking over my shoulder at the empty room, "Damn," I whisper.

He looks uncomfortable, then says, "Hey, let's play video games."

We don't have much time to play video games before Alice yells up the stairs that it's time for us boys to get ready for bed.

"AJ, come take your bath in my room. Zack, you can shower in the kid's bathroom down the hall."

"Thanks, Mrs. Docker," I shout back so she knows we heard her.

AJ looks over at me.

"Take a bath with me. Please."

"Maybe later, after we get… closer."

I can tell that he doesn't really understand, but that it's OK.

"I mean, I'd never be able to explain to your mom when she toweled me off why I had a huge stiffy while I was in the tub with her… honneeey!" I tease, and we play a little game of grab-ass while we get ready and then make our way down the stairs.

In the shower I wash everything I can think of really well. Even inside my hole, just in case. I mean, who knows what might happen tonight? AJ seems to have a new view on life, and if he steers us in that direction, I'm definitely going along for the ride.

I get myself dried off and then realize that all I have to sleep in is my boxers. Man, if Uncle finds out, he's going to be pissed, and I'll get a whippin' for sure. Damn it!

I only have to get from the bathroom to the stairway to his room without someone seeing me in my underwear. But if one of the girls — heaven forbid Missy — sees me, it's over. I clean up my mess in the bathroom while I think. There's a linen closet, and I grab an extra towel and wrap it around me. This will have to do.

Once I have my stuff ready, I crack the door and look around. Since the coast is clear, I bolt for the stairs. If I'm seen in his bedroom in my boxers, I can explain that, but running three-quarters naked through the house full of girls… no way, I'd be dead. I sprint up the stairs to the safe zone.

Since I'm done first, I decide to lie on the bed and think about what I want to do tonight. First off, I would love to just see him naked. I bet he's gorgeous. There is probably no way he'll be soft, but I bet I can fix that. Not that I don't want to see him hard, just something tells me that seeing him hard will never be a problem. And while I'm lost in my little daydream, AJ decides to leap on me.

He's wearing a powder blue house coat with randomly placed little silver-lined clouds. It's as adorable as he is, and it makes him look hot. We roll around again, and when I begin to hear him wheeze, I stop and sit up. He rolls off the bed — he's so cute when he does that! — and turns off the light. Before coming back into bed, he yells goodnight down the stairs, then turns off the light over the stairway.

When he climbs back into bed, I see that he's dropped the housecoat and is now in just some tiny briefs. He sits as close as he can to me, and pushes his dick towards me. I know exactly what he wants, but I have to be certain.

"Sure you're ready for this?"

I can see him rethink it, and then he gives me a quick nod. So, I touch his chest with one hand, then with my other one. I make sure to rub each little perfect nipple as my hands slide over them. He sighs, and then there's a little moan. I use one hand to hold us both up and the other one to feel his abs. They're little, but they are there, and with a little work on the farm, he'll look amazing. Then the tips of my fingers slip under his little boy's underwear band and stop. I flick my fingers a little, just feeling his boy-v, and he jumps back a few inches.

I look up at his face, and there's a look on it I don't recognize. He's… afraid, worried. Unsure, maybe. But as quickly as his face changed, it changes back. He nods, he's ready again.

I'm not convinced that he is, but he nods again, so I reach out with one hand to pull him closer. I think it's best if we slow this down. A simple kiss sounds nice. I lock onto those incredible green eyes and tilt my head while I lick my lips a little before we touch.

And right before we connect, he pulls back. His hands appear in between us, almost hitting me in the face. He spins away from me and begins to sob.

Other than almost being punched by an eight-year-old and being left with an extremely hard boner, I seem OK, so I concentrate on him.

"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" I pull a little on his shoulder. It doesn't take much, and he spins on me and buries his head on my chest.

"AJ, honestly, we don't have to do anything."

"I just wanted to do stuff like you do with Zeke," he manages to get out in between the sobs. I rub his back.

"Oh, you don't want to do the stuff I do with Zeke."

That statement earns me a look. I give him some time to study my face and then continue.

"The stuff we do will be ours. It won't be rough or dirty like with Zeke. It will be sweet, caring. Loving and innocent, like you."

AJ gives this a moment of thought.

"When I saw you tonight, I was so happy. I figured this is what you wanted to do tonight."

Busted!

"Maybe in the beginning," I say. "But we're boys. We want that kind of stuff all the time. We're all the same. But when I'm holding you…" I take a deep breath. "this is what I want more than anything. And when you're ready, the other stuff would be nice too," I say, with a giggle.

He goes for my boxers. "I'm ready! Let me show you."

But I catch his hand and shake my head.

"No, you're not. AJ, something must have happened to you — and I don't need to know — but because of it, you're not ready. Not yet. And that's OK with me. I'll wait, I promise.

"This is what I really want," and I pull him closer. "To be close to you. Now lay down."

I wipe his tears with my hand and help him slide under the covers. Just to make sure I don't do anything stupid, I decide to sleep on top of the covers. We spoon, and I hold him tightly to my chest.

"I love you AJ. Good night."

His last words before he falls asleep are, "I love you too."

I laugh to myself. You know what? This is all I want.

And with that as my last thought, I fall asleep.

Chapter Text

AJ

I can still smell him in the bed. I can still feel him hug me as we sleep.

Waking with a smile… priceless.

Rolling over, I bury my face where he slept and take deep breaths. With that air, I scream into his pillow.

"Yessss! I LOVE YOU ZACK!!!"

Then I roll over and smile at the stars on my ceiling.

In a moment I fly out of bed and run downstairs with my pants in one hand and Maxwell in the other. I pee, brush my teeth, and stare at my reflection. It's weird to see it smile back at me. I put on my pants and fiddle with the belt as Maxwell and I run down the stairs to meet a very unhappy Alice.

"You're late, Andrew!" She holds my yellow backpack and a small paper sack.

I put my arms through the bag's large hoops and apologize.

"I know, I'm sorry… I couldn't find the right pair of pants. Can you help me with the belt?"

"Your breakfast sandwich is in the bag, and… Andrew! These pants are dirty. You wore them two days ago."

Digging in my bag to see what kind it is I say, "I know, but Alice, these are my lucky pants."

She finishes my belt and smacks me on my butt… really hard. It really hurts. My hands react without me doing it on purpose, and I mouth, Ow!Shock replaces my smile.

"It's Mom, Mommy, or Mother. From now on, if I hear anything else out of your mouth, you're getting the rest of those smacks on your bare bottom. Got it?

"The twins have been down here waiting for you for ten minutes. You should have been down here twenty minutes ago. From now on, wear what I lay out for you. Now… all of you hurry."

I meet up with the twins as I walk towards the door. From their faces, I can tell they heard that. I manage not to cry or sniffle, but as we run to the end of the driveway, Zack holds one of my hands; the other one is rubbing my butt.

Once we get on the bus, Zack sits next to me and keeps holding my hand. "Are you OK?" He asks. I know he cares for me, but right now, I'm embarrassed that the most important person in my life heard me get spanked. So I stare out the window and just nod. He gets the message, squeezes my hand a little, and then spends the rest of the time talking to his friends.

I get to school and am sitting in my third-grade class. I am about to pound my head through the desk. I hate this class so much. I know all of this already. Sure, recess is fun, but I don't think I can sit here and do nothing for the rest of the year. Finally it's time to go to my geometry class, and I'm overly excited.

I enter the geometry room and take my seat, pull my book out of my bag, pet Maxwell on the head before zipping the top, and grab my pencil to be ready. Bobby sits behind me, like always, and throughout the class, repeatedly kicks my chair every time Mr. Wolde turns his back to us. This happens for a while until Brian, a few rows over, yells, "Cut it out, Bobby!"

"Brian, is there a problem we need to talk about?" asks Mr. Wolde as he turns towards the class.

"Sir, Bobby won't leave AJ alone. He's been kicking his chair for days now."

Mr. Wolde looks me over and must see my fear, then Bobby's fake attempt at innocence.

"Brian, see me after class for talking during my lecture. Bobby come sit up here next to me, so we don't have any temptations," then he picks up right where he left off.

I mouth the word thanks to Brian, and he gives me a nod. Then there is a knock on the door. When it opens, a man wearing black clothes and tiny glasses walks in. He looks over the class and then goes to talk to the teacher. Mr. Wolde looks at me and says, "Mr. Docker, please hold up your backpack."

Twins

Ten minutes ago.

Algebra sucks. I'm going to have to ask AJ to explain all this to me later. The teacher has gone over what he expects, and we're all given time to suffer through this short exercise.

"Zack, come up here, please."

I head up front and he asks me to go get more copies of this help study paper that we can all take home. He gives me the hall pass and I head to the office. Once there, I tell them what I need and patiently wait for them to finish. The music teacher, Mr. Simons, is talking about some kid that left something on the piano, but he has no idea who the kid is. Then he sets a gray Rubik's cube on the counter.

"Hey, that's AJ's."

The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them, and everyone in the room hears me.

"Who?" Mr. Simons asks.

"He's the new third-grader in Miss Summs' class."

"Third grader? Are you sure?" he asks as he heads to the door.

"But he isn't there now; he's in Mr. Wolde's geometry class."

He gives me an odd look but leaves all the same. I run out after him.

"Mr. Simons, he's really shy and probably won't talk to you. He'll talk to me. Just tell me what he did wrong."

AJ

I'm not sure what this is all about. I stand up and hold up my bag.

"Hello, mister yellow backpack," he says, motioning with his finger for me to follow. "Grab your stuff."

We head down the hall and into a room that is all too familiar. It's the band room that I hid in a few days ago. Zack is sitting on the piano stool.

"Please, drop your bag at the door."

I drop it, run to Zack, and give him a hug.

"You're fine. You're not in trouble. Mr. Simons just wants to talk to you." He rubs my back and then breaks the hug.

I turn to Mr. Simons and wait to find out what this is about. He looks me over and walks around me. When he gets back up front, he squats and looks me in the eyes.

"How old are you?"

I look up at Zack, and he gives me a smile and a little nod.

"I'm eight years old."

"So, you really are in third grade. How is this possible?" He stares at me for a little while and then stands up.

"OK, play what's on the piano, please."

I'm a little more than confused, but Zack gets off the stool and motions for me to sit down. He and Mr. Simons stand behind me, and I just sit there. Being a little nervous doesn't describe what I am feeling, so I do the only thing I know to do when I'm like this, I count the piano keys.

There are fifty-two white keys.

The piano is the same one as before, but now it has some sheet music on it. Soon, Zack's hand lands on my shoulder and he spins me around. "AJ, do you know how to play the piano?"

I shake my head, and Mr. Simons looks upset.

"Don't be shy. I saw you play a few days ago. You're telling me, you've had no training?"

Again, I shake my head.

"Play what you played before."

I can see he's getting frustrated, so I figure I'd better do what he asks. Taking a deep breath, I find what I'm looking for in my mind, and let my fingers go.

Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — Too much love drives a man insane. Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — You broke my will — Bum, Bum, Bum, Bum — But what a thrill — Bum, Bum, Bum GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!! I slide my hands down the keys, just like the man in the movie did, and then go right back into the song.

I continue to play while Zack and Mr. Simons talk behind me.

"See, I told you he could play," Mr. Simons says happily.

"Wow, I had no idea. This is incredible," Zack says with a huge smile. "He doesn't even own a piano, at least not that I know of. "

Here comes that part I love. My fingers are gliding up and down the keys, and I begin to get my footing, so I stand up and lift a foot to kick the stool away, but Mr. Simons stops me.

"Whoa, whoa! Stop! I can't have you kicking the stool away again like you did before."

I stop playing, sit down again and turn to face them.

"Explain how you can play that flawlessly — probably better than me — but you can't read sheet music."

Then Zack's face lights up.

"Oh, I get it! AJ, were you playing a song that you saw someone else play?"

I nod my head and say softly, "My daddy and I watched this movie where this man played this song and then set his piano on fire."

Mr. Simons looks at Zack like he's about fed up with us, and Zack answers him before he asks the question.

"He has a photographic memory. He doesn't know how to play the piano."

Mr. Simons' face changes from annoyance to realization.

"Jerry Lee Lewis, Great Balls of Fire; you learned this song by watching a movie?"

I get up and inch behind Zack a little.

"Yeah, sorta. I couldn't see all of his hands in the movie, so afterward, Daddy found someone in New York to play the song in front of me. I had to watch him like four or five times, but now I can just remember and play it whenever. Are you mad I played your piano?"

The music teacher walks over and pulls a bench from a few feet away. He's muttering to himself.

"Well that would explain kicking my stool during the third chorus. It happens in the movie."

He pushes the stool away, replaces it with the bench, and takes a seat. He pats the top of the bench next to him. "Let's play a game, shall we?"

I glance at Zack, and then I move around and sit next to him.

He plays a song I've never heard before, but I watch him play it, and before he's done playing it, I begin to play it. He stops, so I stop.

He looks at me and gives a goofy face like he's thinking, then begins to play again. This song is old and sounds weird. He plays for a while then suddenly stops and says, "Your turn."

Closing my eyes, I replay what I just saw in my mind, and begin the song. I get to the point where he left off and I put my hands in my lap.

"Why did you stop?" he asks me.

I shrug and answer, "You stopped there."

He laughs to himself, and says, "You're right. That is where I stopped." He closes the piano.

"Can you copy anything you see?"

I just shrug and nod.

"OK, you two head to lunch. If any of your teachers ask any questions, just send them to me."

Zack and I take off and make it to lunch only fifteen minutes late.

Twins

"You should have seen him," I told the lunch table. "Mr. Simons was about to give both of us detention for the rest of our lives until I figured out what he must have seen."

Zeke messes up AJ's hair, "Wow, so you can play the piano?"

I take a bite of my sandwich and smile at all the attention I'm getting.

"No, that's the messed-up part. He can't play or read a note. He can only copy what he sees played in front of him."

"Oh AJ, I almost forgot," Brian says. "I just spent fifteen minutes with Bobby while we had to clean the geometry room. He's not really happy with you, so be careful around him. Don't leave the twin's side for a while, OK, or at least hang with one of us.

I side-eye Zeke, and he gives me a little nod.

Oblivious to the trouble he's in with Bobby, AJ answers, "I'm really sorry you got in trouble for me, Brian."

"Aw, don't sweat it. That ass is always picking on you. You should stand up for yourself. I'll help where I can, but Mr. Wolde said that I should consider today my warning. Next time is detention."

AJ looks worried, so I place my hand on his head. When he looks up at me, I smile.

"Hey, you're going to be alright…"

Zeke lays his hand on AJ's shoulder and picks up where I left off, "Yeah, we have way more friends than that shithole."

Cory, with a mouth full of chips, jumps in, spitting chips in front of himself as he speaks. "With all of us helping, there's no reason you need to be walking the halls alone."

"We got your back, AJ," Ryder adds.

The boys are true to their word, and for the rest of the day little AJ has an escort no matter where in the school he has to go. Zeke and I will still have to have a talk with Bobby, but for now, this works.

AJ

The twins and I race to the house like we do every day when we come home. When I stop to rest, they stop, and when I'm ready, I don't tell them, I just take off. With an inhaler puff about halfway, I can run the whole driveway. I don't win every day, but today I did, and I slump on the porch, out of breath.

"See… you guys… later," I huff with a smile as I pull myself to my feet.

The twins say bye, and Zack and I share one last little wave before he turns the corner. I head inside and dump my backpack on the couch and yell, "I'm… I'm home!"

Lana comes to the second story handrail.

"Mom had to go to the school. She said to tell you there's a note on the counter for you." She puts her ear pods back in and goes back into her room.

Lana isn't like Missy. It's not that she doesn't like me, it's more that she doesn't want to acknowledge I exist unless she has to. And that's way better than having to deal with Missy's shit.

I walk into the kitchen and find the note that Alice wrote.

You'll do your homework later tonight. Right now, you're going somewhere with Jack and the boys.

"Yesss!" I say out loud, and fist pump the air.

I pull out my lunch bag and Maxwell. I set him on the stool so he can watch, and I dump the contents of the bag into the sink to be washed and throw the trash away. Then I grab the bear and I'm out the door.

Halfway there I see that Uncle Jack and the twins are climbing into the old light gray farm pickup truck. The boys are dressed in blue jeans and white shirts, and Uncle is in his normal overalls, but now he's wearing a white shirt also. I look a little over dressed in my dirty Docker pants and Avengers tee-shirt.

"Hey little guy, you're up front with me," hollers Uncle as I make it to the truck. The twins are in the back, and they watch me as I work myself to the other side of the truck. I have to pull kind of hard, but the door does open, and I crawl in. Looking at the seat, I ask, "What about my booster seat?"

"Don't worry about that today, I'll keep you safe." With Uncle's smile, I'm convinced. I smile back and hook my seat belt on.

When I turn around, I see the twins out the back window. Zeke holds up his fist on the window for a fist bump, and when I do that, Zack lays his hand on the window. I lay my hand on his and remember him holding me last night, and I smile brighter.

Grabbing my attention, Uncle Jack says, "We're going clothes shopping, but like men's style. No girls allowed."

That makes me giggle, and I watch uncle's big, wide framed body work the stick shift as we turn from the driveway onto the road to town. It never occurred to me before, but his body is shaped sort of like an ape. I giggle again and he pats my leg.

"What's so funny?"

"You are," I simply answer, and he laughs a little.

Uncle Jack takes a deep breath like I do when I need to calm myself down before I talk. Then he looks at me with a smile.

"AJ, I want you to know that if you ever need help… you know, with questions, advice, or maybe you just need an adult male person to hold you and listen — I would be honored if you would consider me for the job."

I pull my eyes down to the floorboards and think about what he said. It's a lot to break down, and he gives me the time I need to understand the scope of what he's offering.

I've only ever had one person say something like that to me before, and Alice took him from me. Am I getting too close to Uncle and the twins? What if I get too close, and Alice takes them from me?

Looking back to Uncle Jack, I answer, "I'd like that, but Alice can't know, OK?"

Uncle looks at me strangely, then at the road, then back at me.

"Sure little guy, whatever works for you."

The rest of the truck drive is uneventful. Once we got into the farm utility store, each of us kids get four pairs of denim jeans. Mine are gray. I'm thrilled.

Ten white tee-shirts and five flannel long sleeve shirts. When colors are an option, I, of course, will always pick muted-gray colors. But I'm surprised to see that Zack has mostly picked blue and Zeke has chosen red. I wonder if this is by design, or if it's one more way that they are different.

While deep in my thoughts, I hear Zack say, "You'll need this." A dark gray cowboy hat is laid on my head.

"…and this." Zeke lays a belt with a big shiny buckle on it across my shoulder.

I giggle as I see Zack heading back to me with a lot of rope coiled in a hoop.

"… and this," he says, as he hoops the rope around my neck with a grin.

Zeke hands me a small box of leather gloves. Zack adds a small package of little green plaid boxers — which for some reason makes me blush a little — and when it's all over, Uncle Jack sets a new pair of cowboy boots at my feet that look just like Zack's.

"I feel like a cowboy Christmas tree," and I laugh at myself, along with everyone else.

The twins begin to take some of the stuff off of me, and Uncle gets a cart. When the cash register lady begins to ring stuff up, the twins and I are messing around, but when she gets to the boxers she holds them up for everyone to see and smiles at me. I just blush and hide behind Zack until she laughs and then moves on with the rest of the stuff.

"Thanks Kris. Add this to the Docker Estate account, please. And about that thing I ordered — tell Frank I need it as soon as he can do it. Just have him call me and we'll pick it up."

"Sure thing, Jack. Frank will need a week I would think," Kris says, and then winks at me, causing me to inch a little more behind Zack.

We say our goodbyes and head out to get ice cream, then to the park where us boys get to play until Uncle puts his book down. We get in the pickup to go home, and this time the twins are inside the cab with us. I'm just about on Zack and Zeke's laps, but my head sleeps on Zack's chest.

Once we get back the twins help me get my stuff in my room, but first Uncle Jack and Alice… um, I mean Mom, I don't want the rest of that whipping, are going through all my new stuff.

"Look, I was able to get the long sleeve shirts, and Zack picked me out a dark gray cowboy hat!" I exclaim excitedly.

"Yes, it's all very nice. Did you thank Jack for taking you?" she asks.

In a flash, I run over to Uncle Jack and hug him tight. "Thanks for letting me spend time with you today. I had loads of fun."

Taking a knee so he can look me in the eye, he says, "I didn't buy all this stuff because I need you to look sharp. The twins will need help with the chores. I've talked it over with your mother, and we think it's a good idea for you to help them with evening chores around the farm. Depending on how that goes, we'll try morning chores as well. I mean, I don't want to keep you from your beauty sleep," and he laughs, but I don't get it, so I just hug him again.

I hop over to Mom and give her a hug, too.

"Thanks for letting me join Zack with the chores."

"You're welcome, but understand that Jack and I will be watching you, and at the first sign of a problem, you're done. I don't want to hear you complaining. And I don't want to have to take you to the hospital again, OK? So, listen to Jack and only do what he tells you. And you boys, don't let him overdo anything, OK? Please."

Both twins stand a little straighter as if they were doing an oath at the same time, "We promise, Mrs. Docker."

Zack adds, "He's safe with us."

Uncle Jack

What is it about this kid? He's so small, way smaller than the twins when they were his age. But he tries so hard to keep up with the boys. Right now, they're out in the field trying to teach AJ how to rope a bull. He's dressed in his new clothes and keeps knocking his cowboy hat off every time he swings the rope over his head.

"Uncle Jack! What's AJ doing wrong?" shouted Zeke across the field.

Getting off the straw bale, I mosey my way over there.

"What do you think you're doing?" I ask as I tickle him from behind, causing his elbows to squirm down to his sides as he belly laughs. "Alright, young man, let's see what we can do."

His little body fits next to mine like a glove. It's amazing how much he's opened up to me and the twins.

"OK Zeke, take off," my eldest twin takes off and runs by with his fingers pretending to be a bull. "Now take your time, AJ."

"Remember to roll your wrist," AJ recites. He whips his wrist around and begins to roll it, and the lasso twirls and flies for Zeke. The hoop lands securely around his chest, and he stops to cheer for AJ. Zack runs up and scoops up AJ and spins him around.

They cheer, laugh, and eventually fall down and wrestle. I pick up AJ's rope and begin to wrap it up.

"Come on, come on, I thought you guys wanted to teach AJ how to rope."

The tangled mess of boy limbs moves around until a little boy crawls out and fishes an inhaler from his pocket. We give him a minute to himself, and Zack gets ready to be the bull.

The boys practice and play until dusk takes over the sky. While the boys clean up our play area, Alice joins us. Zack comes over and asks if both twins can stay the night with AJ. I tell Alice I didn't mind as long as they aren't any trouble.

"Sure, like I said before, both twins are welcome at our house at any time," she says, and the boys all cheer. Zack leads the rest of them to the farmhouse to get the twin's stuff.

"AJ loves Zack, doesn't he?"

It's a simple statement, and I'm not sure if it's rhetorical or not, but I answer it anyway,

"Zeke is the dominant twin. He's the one in charge of the two. After spending so much time with them, I've found that they couldn't be more different. Zeke has always protected Zack. He needed it in school. Nowadays, all the kids respect them, but not in the beginning."

"And now Zack has someone to protect," Alice says, as if a light has been turned on.

"It's been hard since the divorce. I think AJ has taken it the worst. He blames me for taking his daddy away." I remain quiet as we walk about the farm. She seems like she needs to talk.

"I couldn't even get him to speak two words to me before we arrived." She looks at me and light tears are falling from her eyes. "Zack makes AJ happy. I just want him happy."

Twins

We burst into the farmhouse and head to my brother's and my room. Zeke pulls out a backpack and says, "I can't believe I got to come too. I can't believe you two want me there!"

I look at him a little funny.

"Why wouldn't we want you there?"

Zeke's eyes shift to AJ and then back to me. I get his meaning and say, "Hey, little guy, why don't you go play basketball while we pack some stuff?"

AJ gives a little shrug and heads off to play ball outside. Once he's gone, I give Zeke an intense look.

"Hey, AJ and I aren't doing stuff yet. He isn't ready."

"You two haven't done anything yet? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I'm a little embarrassed. But I can't push him. Zeke, he freaked out when we tried. I can't see that look on his face again. I'll wait years if I have to."

Zeke reaches into his bag and pulls out a bottle of lube. He gives me a sheepish smile.

"I guess I don't need this."

I shake my head a little, and he gives me a little laugh. We finish packing and meet AJ outside, and then we head to the estate house.

Inside, we all go to the kitchen and get a snack, and Mrs. Docker tells us not to spoil our dinner. We continue past the bar where Uncle Jack is sitting, and he gives us all high-fives, except for AJ, to whom he gives a low one. Our race up the first flight of stairs is not a quiet one, and when AJ and I get to his bedroom stairs, we hear from behind us, "That's cool. Is that a Gibson drum set?"

"Pppsssttt. Hey Zeke," AJ whispers, and we both wave for him to follow, but he waves us off and goes into Missy's room.

I shrug at AJ, and we climb the stairs to his room. Once we're up there, AJ breaks out the video game stuff.

"He's crazy talking to Missy."

"He's just interested in those drums," I tell him while I unpack the things I need for tonight. "He has lots of magazines about them, and he's always wanted a set.

"Well, I'm just saying, Missy's nuts. She might bite, for all I know," and together we share a laugh.

Zeke does join us, but he's been gone a long time. "We almost sent a search party out to find you," I tell him, but I see that AJ looks upset. I figure I'll ask him tonight before bed, when Zeke is showering.

"We were just talking about drums, that's all. Why, what did I miss?"

AJ gives his controller up to Zeke and goes and sits at his computer desk. He sits there and plays with his puzzle cubes. Zeke looks at me questioningly, but I just shrug, and we continue to play.

"Boys and girls!" Uncle Jack yells upstairs. "Dinner is ready!"

AJ jumps up and hurries out of the room, and when Zeke stands up, I grab his arm to stop him.

"You know how he feels about Missy?"

"We were just talking. It's not a big deal."

"It is for AJ. You know how she treats him. I'm sure he feels you're talking to the enemy."

"Oh, you're being stupid, and he's being a little kid. Come on." He turns to leave, and I just follow him, as usual.

"He is a little kid, Zeke," I mutter. If he hears me, he doesn't let me know.

We all eat dinner, and me and AJ are pretty quiet. He keeps counting the notches on the table's edge. Zeke, on the other hand, is talking it up with Missy. At one point I think AJ is about to jump up and leave, until I put my hand on his leg. He looks at me, then looks down at my hand, and I can see his rage melt a bit. His eyes shift back to Zeke and Missy, then back at me.

I get close and whisper in his ear, "They won't let me stay the night if you make a scene."

I see the hurt on his face, and I sign, `I'm sorry.' He excuses himself and leaves for the bathroom.

I look over at Uncle Jack, and he's eyeballing me. I look away but I can still feel his eyes on me. AJ comes back, and it looks like he's washed his face, but he's quiet for the rest of the night. He just sits down and starts counting those notches again, over and over.

He holds my hand when the living room lights are turned off and the movie starts, and about a quarter of the way into it, he lays in my lap. When it's over, I'm carrying him to bed on my back. On the way up to his room, I hear a sleepy boy counting the stairs as I climb.

Zeke has a long conversation with Uncle Jack on the porch, then returns to the farmhouse for the night. Upstairs I'm gently dropping AJ onto the bed. He cuddles with Maxwell, half-asleep, while I strip down to my boxers. I take his shirt off and begin to work on his belt.

"Damn belt!" I'm grumbling, when Mrs. Docker sneaks through the bedroom door.

"Did you get that nasty belt undone?" I stand up and step out of the way. She takes my place and begins to undress her little boy.

I'm a little embarrassed, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. I just stand behind her with my hands over my junk. I don't have a full hard-on, but the thought of taking his pants off was starting to give me one, and it's only getting worse the more I try to cover it up.

"You know, AJ, was inseparable from his father," she whispers as she works. Then she surprises me.

"He needs someone like you, Zack." Once he is down to his little tight briefs, she covers him and Maxwell. Then she pulls the covers back, offering for me to lie next to him.

"There's no need for you to sleep on the outside of the covers, dear. It can get cold up here."

I hurry and climb in, holding my boner down. She covers me up and kisses me on the cheek. With a whisper of good night, she goes back down to the ground floor.

Chapter Text

AJ

"AJ… AJ, can you look at me please?"

Even though Dr Ford is right there, a few feet in front of where I'm sitting, I can't focus on her. I'm looking out the window behind her. No, that's not true, is it? I'm not looking, I'm counting. I've counted the leaves on that tree branch thirty-seven times since I've been here. It's not that I don't want to talk to her; I don't want to talk to anyone.

"Alright AJ, I'd like to talk about Maxwell," she says, and my eyes dart to hers. My walls begin to break down and my bottom lip begins to tremble. I could feel the tears on my cheeks, then the sound of beads… beads, bouncing on the floor.

"Can you start with the end of school? Do you remember?"

Do I remember? I wish I could forget. The sounds of bouncing beads turn into the bell that sounds, telling us that school is out.

*

School is boring as usual, but my friends at lunch make it fun. Cory and Brian try to mess me up by asking me questions about things that I had memorized the previous day, to see if I really can remember everything. After lunch, I only have a couple of hours to go until the end of school, so I just doodle in my third-grade classroom and wait for that blessed bell. I am putting my stuff in my backpack and giving Maxwell a pet when my teacher calls me up to her desk.

"Yes ma'am," I say softly. She's not as `friendly' as Mr. Wolde is to me.

"This was sent for you an hour ago," she says, and hands me an envelope. Inside is a message from Mr. Simons telling me to come to the music room and that my mom will meet me there. That's odd. I wonder what he wants.

So, I head that way. It's like trying to swim upriver walking against the flow of students, but I hang to the sides and I get to the stairs. There are thirty-six stairs to the second floor.

I take a right at the top of the stairs, and I walk a little way. I pass my geometry classroom and wave to Mr. Wolde. The music classroom is just up here by the bathrooms.

Suddenly, I'm shoved into the bathroom. I hit the floor hard, and sounds begin to smear together.

Looking around, I realize that the room itself is moving. No, that can't be right. I'm being carried.

"What did I tell you about being on the second floor, baby?!"

That voice, I recognize it. I'm tossed into the wall at the far end by the window. I flip over, and I see what I was afraid of — Bobby Tons.

"Did you think I was kidding? Get up!"

He grabs me by the shirt, and it rips under the strain, but I get up. I see it coming, the first punch. I fall back against his idiot friend and am pushed up into the second one, the one I didn't see. The punch knocks me into the stall, and as soon as I see the toilet, I know what's next.

*

"AJ, I know it doesn't sound like it will feel good to talk to me about what happened, but it will." My eyes drift from Dr. Ford and I count picture frames; twelve. Pencils on her desk: six. Books on her shelves: one hundred and eleven, and then the snapping of her fingers: three.

My eyes shift from her fingers to her eyes like gears that haven't been greased in years. She's saying something, but I can't focus. I shut my eyes and remember that I'm crying. Using my arm, I use my short sleeve to wipe away my tears and snot. Then I look at her. She gives me that `what am I going to do with you' look and brings me a tissue to clean me up. Her red dress is the reddest of all reds.

Red… I think back. Not because I want to, but because I can't keep the memory back.

*

There's red on the toilet bowl. That's weird. How did blood get on the edge of the toilet? Wait… it's coming from me, but before I can find out where it's coming from, my head is plunged into the bowl. The toilet is flushed over and over again. The sound is so loud. My head is set free, so I push myself out in between each flush. I guess they think it's fun to push it in.

Then, the fourth time I come out, I'm put in a headlock by that lanky goofball who's always following Bobby around like a lost puppy. My feet almost don't touch the floor; I can only get my toes down. I hang in his grip as Bobby looks me over.

"You know what we have here? A cocksucker." They all begin to laugh.

I'm dropped, and I must have told him no. I don't remember saying no. But he punches me hard, and I remember seeing dancing lights for a time.

Before I can do anything — like I can do anything — my backpack is opened, and something is taken out. Someone grabs my hair and yanks my head up to look at Bobby, and he has Maxwell.

"No, no, no! Anything. I just need that back!" I plead.

I know it won't do any good, but the more upset I get, the less my brain works. They all laugh as I reach for him, only to have my hands slapped away by Bobby. It's just a game to them.

"If you want this bear back, then you're going to suck… my… cock!"

He undoes his pants, and they fall to his knees. His penis looks no bigger than mine. The head looks a little different and I can tell he normally lies to the left at a weird angle.

While I'm looking and memorizing what I'm seeing, someone from behind me, that lanky idiot I'm guessing, forces my head on the dick. At first, it hits my cheek and smears pre-cum up to my eye. Then Bobby pulls it across my face to my other eye. Maxwell is lowered where I can see him, and I reluctantly open my mouth.

*

"AJ, dear, you have to talk to me about this."

Dr. Ford is squatting in front of me, holding my hands. She's trying to lock my gaze down, but I tilt my head to the other side of the room and begin to count the ticks on the window as the wind blows a branch into the glass. It taps out its secret code. It's not Morse code, it's something only nature understands.

She sighs and gets up, moves back to the desk chair in the corner, and pulls out a book to write in.

"What am I going to do to get through to you, AJ?"

*

What am I going to do? What am I going to do?

"This is what I'm going to do, AJ. If you don't do a good job, I'm going to rip this bear to pieces. Got it?"

Bobby is serious, so I look at the bear one more time, nod, and close my lips around his penis. He tastes like dirty sweat and pee. He doesn't smell like Zack; he smells like he doesn't shower at all. I hack and begin coughing, and he grabs my head by my hair and thrusts his penis back into my mouth. Other than being smacked across the head then told to "Watch those teeth, idiot," it's all Bobby as he thrusts and pulls out, thrusts and pulls out.

Somewhere during this time my pants are pulled down to reveal my hard-on. They laugh that I have one, and then tease Bobby that mine is bigger than his. I don't think it is. They look the same size to me.

But when he gets to his tingles, his first shot of cum hits my tongue and splashes up in my mouth. The taste is so bad, it doesn't matter that he's yelling, "Swallow it, baby!"

I push off him and the second and third one spray all over my face and shirt.

He appears to be a little weakened by it, so I jump for the bear, but he recovers fast enough to see me and kicks me down. Because my pants are around my knees, I fall back hard, and my head hits the baseboard heater. Once again, dancing lights filled the room.

I look down and see that my hard-on is gone, so I pull my pants up. Then the sound of rain on the tile floor confuses me.

Shifting my focus, I see black beads bouncing on the floor, and my eyes quickly count them Eighteen. I dive for the beads, catching each one to the sound of muted laughter. Ten… thirteen… fifteen… sixteen… sixteen… Where… no, what's this?

I pick up something white and fluffy, but before I look up, I'm kicked in the ribs. Then a kick to the nuts for a bad blowjob. I'm kicked for a while. I'm not sure how long.

Then the room starts moving again, and I'm going towards the door. My eyes feel loose. As they shift around the room, I see a shiny bead by the trash can. Eighteen!

I reach for it, but my carriers don't care much, and my arm is kicked back. They carry me into the hallway and start swinging me back and forth… back and forth…

Dr. Ford has me in her lap and is rocking me. We're by the window now, and I can see more than the tapping branch. The wind is blowing hard now and there must be a storm coming. The tree is old and weathered but will not bend. It will not break easily. I wonder how long it's been standing next to her office? I lay my head on her shoulder and she begins to hum. The hum is one constant tone, but changes pitch now and then. When I concentrate on the hum, it turns into a buzzing. A buzz I can't get out of my head.

*

I'm thrown against the wall across from the bathroom. Kids are walking by and stop to stare at me.

"Look at this baby! He spilled milk all over his face!" shouts Bobby, as he and his two goons entice the crowd to make fun of me. There is a buzzing in my head that is starting to hurt. I'm bleeding from somewhere on my face. I'm covered in cum, and I'm soaking wet.

I should feel embarrassed or afraid, but I don't feel much of anything right now. I'm numb.

Suddenly, through the wall of students, I see Zeke forcing his way through. Zack rushes in in Zeke's wake, and the twins get to work. Zeke takes out the goons with punches to the face and guts. Zack takes Bobby down before he knows what hit him. He's been too busy making fun of me to even know his goons are gone.

Once Bobby is down, Zeke stands guard, and Zack comes to my aid. Zeke looks so strong, standing there like he'll fight off anyone who crosses that line. My eyes blink lazily and shift to Zack.

"I'm so glad you came. Bobby beat me up and I'm a mess." I tell him, but he doesn't seem to understand me through my sobbing.

"Why is he soaking wet? What is this on his face?" Zack asks.

Zeke takes a few seconds to look, and then his eyes light up in rage.

"You know what that is!" he screams, and kicks Bobby in the ribs. "What did you do?"

He keeps kicking until Mr. Simons breaks through the crowd to stop him. Zeke is crying, and Mr. Simons just locks him in a hug.

"My little guy, what did they do to you?" Zack asks me, and I open my hands to show him the beads. My eyes quickly move across the beads, and I count sixteen… Sixteen.

Bolting up, I startle everyone as I run inside the bathroom. The pain in my ribs breaks through the numbness, making me stumble, but I manage to get into the bathroom, and I crash into the trash can. I move towels, gum wrappers, notebook paper, and where… where… I find one more! Seventeen.But… I can't find the last bead.

"Oh my God," comes from behind me as Zack and Mr. Howl, the eighth-grade shop teacher, follow me in to see the carnage.

Finally I see it — the last bead! — and I sink to the floor.

Zack kneels and says he's so sorry. I show him the beads in my hands.

"Eighteen," I say, smiling.

Then I witness what remains of my faithful friend, my companion… my best friend… my anchor. I can barely recognize him as he lays strewn across the room.

"Maxwell?"

It's the last word I've spoken since that day.

They take me and the bullies to the hospital. I have three deep cuts on my face, and I get ten stitches in the back of my head. They do something called a rape kit on me, and the doctor is gentle. Since I won't talk, and I have evidence of cum on me, they have to do the full kit, even checking my butt hole for fresh rips. But the only thing they find is scars from the old ones left by my father.

I'm given a week off from school, no questions asked, and the twins are on a week of time off also. The principal understands why they beat those guys up, but couldn't just let them come back to school afterward, so he gives them time to cool off.

*

The chime sounds, and that tells Dr. Ford that someone is in the waiting room. So, I slip off her lap and she follows me to the door. After she opens it, I see it's my mom, and I hug her, then head to the door and wait.

"How was he?" my mom asks.

"He was perfect… perfectly quiet. I'm sorry Alice, he didn't open up to me. I think he just needs time.

"He's dealing with a lot. The problem is, he's reliving it over and over in his head. With his photographic memory, I'm sure it's like a perfect movie every time he closes his eyes or hears a trigger word or sound, or touch. Bring him back tomorrow; we'll try again."

Soon my mother opens the door, and we leave. Once we're in the SUV, she checks my booster seat, and then we're off.

She talks to me, and I let her. Mom's words drift in front of my mind while I stare out the window. She talks about her day and the funny things the twins did while I was at the doctor's. I do listen to the part about Zack, but then I lose interest when she changes to my sisters, and I go back to counting the white lines in the middle of the road.

I sit in the little chair that looks out the window until someone comes to get me for dinner. Since that first dinner a week ago, Uncle Jack and the twins have been having meals here. I eat a little, but I don't have much of an appetite lately. When I'm done, I get up and walk back to my chair. Like every night since that day, Zack pulls up a chair next to me and sits down with me, holding my hand while I stare out into the night.

My mom has been taking care of me lately; bathing, brushing my teeth, and even sleeping with me. Sometimes we're in my bed and sometimes we're in hers, but she always holds me in a hug when we sleep. Every night I wake up with a wave of fear from my past. I pry myself out of her embrace and return to my chair downstairs. But this night is different.

On my way to my chair, I see something out on the patio. I have the top of my baby blanket wrapped around my shoulders and am dragging the rest of it across the floor behind me as I go through the kitchen. When I get to the glass door, I can see Zack sleeping on the patio. His sleeping bag has fallen open; he's in his jeans and isn't wearing a shirt. He must be cold because his nipples are big.

Very quietly, I open the door and walk out to him. He's sleeping soundly on one of our patio chairs. I pull up the rest of his covering and crawl in with him.

He immediately rolls over and embraces me in a hug. He mumbles something that sounds like, "Hold still, AJ," so I close my eyes and fall back asleep.

Zack

So, when I decide to sleep outside on the patio until Mrs. Docker lets me back in the house to sleep with AJ, the cold night almost changes my mind. But in the morning, I wake up nice and cozy, and confusion strikes me. Why? I wipe the sleep from my eyes when I notice a very handsome little boy sleeping in my patio chair with me.

I cover him with the sleeping bag flap, and he spoons into me. "Good morning, little guy," I say, and he begins to turn around until we're face to face. His eyes are locked onto mine, and his hot little breath fills the small gap between us. I take his hands and hold them up.

"You're with me now, and you're going to be OK."

A thin trail of tears begins to fall at a sideways slant from his eyes down his cheek and nose. He opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but closes it soon after. He scoots closer, lays his head on my chest, and falls back asleep.

And that is how Mrs. Docker finds us. I'm on my back with AJ sleeping on my chest. She wakes me up.

"Zack dear, what are you doing out here?"

Sleepily, I answer, "I wanted to see AJ first thing in the morning, so I camped out here. Sometime in the middle of the night he joined me. I'm not sure when. I just woke up and he was like this."

She gives me a look that I will never forget. It's like she's lost the battle, or maybe the war, and has just given up. I think her heart has broken, and she's given AJ to me.

"Can you carry him inside, or do you need my help?"

"I've got him if I can get out of these covers," I say, trying to untangle myself from the baby blanket that has wrapped around my feet.

AJ has a pretty good grip around my neck, so I only have to worry about holding his legs. With a heave and some help from Mrs. Docker, I'm able to stand and hold onto him. I take him inside and up to his room, and lay him back in his bed.

Mrs. Docker pulls the covers back and tells me to strip down and hop in.

"You've got a few hours left before I call everyone for breakfast."

So, I take off my pants climb into the warm bed, and wrap him up in a hug. He responds by immediately spooning into me, and gives a sigh before settling in.

I can see Mrs. Docker's shadow stretching across the bed for a while. I'm not sure how long she watches us sleep because I don't take long to drift off. I'm finally back where I belong.

*

Mrs. Docker yells upstairs to us breakfast is almost ready. I open my eyes to two emeralds staring deep into my eyes, and a little impish smile. He's smiling!

I sit up, smile back, and he just lays there, showing me everything I love about his body. His smooth skin, like silk in the sunlight. The little muscles on his chest, not defined by hard work but there, nonetheless. The little hunter green boxers I picked out for him, which are tenting a little with a good morning thought. I reach out and touch his chest, making him quiver a little. He sits up.

I sign, `How are you feeling? Does your head still hurt?'

I've been working on my singing a lot this week. With no school, what else do I have to do?

He nods and signs back.

`It hurts here,' and he touches his head, `here,' and touches his ribs, `and here,' then touches his heart.

"You have a concussion and bruised ribs, so time will have to heal those.

"This…" I lay my hand on his heart. "We'll heal this together, OK?"

He embraces me in an AJ-style hug. We get out of the bed, and I pick out something that I think he'd like to wear and get him dressed. I put on the only thing that I have here, the pair of jeans I wore over.

We head down to breakfast, and I feel a little naked showing up without a shirt. But AJ keeps my attention, which doesn't go unnoticed by Mrs. Docker. She excuses herself from breakfast and goes to make a call.

"Good morning, Jack. … Yes, he's here eating breakfast. … No, I didn't know he was sleeping outside either, until I found him out there this morning. … Yes… yes, why don't you come over for coffee this morning? I have an idea to talk to you about."

After a few other pleasantries, she hangs up.

"Am I in trouble?"

"Well, if you were my son, you would be. You could catch a cold, or worse, sleeping outside in this weather. Jack is coming over, and we're going to talk about it. You'd best finish and get to your chores, mister, before your uncle gets here."

I jump up and put the last few eggs in my mouth. Grabbing another piece of toast, I turn to head to the door,

"Hey Zack," she calls me back.

"Yes ma'am."

"Don't forget your sidekick," and she nods to AJ.

He smiles at his mom and gets up, grabbing a piece of toast from the plate, and we go off to do chores.

Alice

I'm enjoying my fifth cup of morning coffee on the patio so I can watch AJ chase Zack in and out of the barn as they feed this animal, open that gate, or turn on the water to fill the troughs. Soon, Jack makes his way here in his overalls and baseball cap.

"Morning Alice," he says, as I offer him a cup of coffee. He takes it and sits down across the table from me, angled enough to be able to watch the boys work.

"What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Jack, I haven't come to this decision lightly, but I do believe that it's in everybody's best interest. I want you and the boys to move into the basement. There's plenty of room down there, and the only person who has been down there has been AJ, looking for something in a box. I've cleaned up that mess, and we'll move everything down there to the attic storage room, or toss it if we don't need it.

"That will give you three bedrooms, a full bath, a living room, and a playroom. If you don't move in, it all goes to waste. Our two families are closer now than when we first moved in, and by moving in, it will… well, the reasons for this merger are purely selfish."

Jack just listens while I talk. I guess that's what I need, and he knows it. So, I keep going.

"I thought that after the school… issue with my son, he would reconnect with me. You know, on a mother-son level. But that hasn't happened. He almost acts like something happened to me, and he's helping me to get through it."

I take a second or two to wipe my tears away and collect my thoughts.

"That is why I've kept Zack from spending time with him. But it seems like I've only made the issue worse. Somehow, AJ knew Zack was sleeping outside, and he found him. Instead of finding him asleep in his chair by the window, I found them on the porch, and they were sleeping soundly together."

I've run out of things to say, so I stop there.

"Please accept my offer." I'm relieved that I got it all out without breaking down and crying.

Jack drinks from his cup until he's sure I'm done, and then puts the cup down and crosses his arms as in thought.

"I think my oldest twin is interested in your middle girl. I'm not saying that they're in love like Zack and AJ, or that they will go in that direction, but he talks about her. Does that bother you, those two living under the same roof?"

I did not know that. Does that change my opinion on what we should do?

Zack comes running out of the cattle barn pulling a small cart with a bale of hay on it and AJ is riding on the front. And he's laughing.

"No," I say, with conviction. "It doesn't change my mind. If something comes of that romance, we'll address it then."

Jack nods his head like he's got some old radio tune in his mind.

"OK then, let me talk it over with the boys. It would be nice to have us all under one roof since it is about to get really, really cold here.

"By the way, for that little stunt they pulled last night, I've assigned extra chores for Zack and AJ to finish this morning. Not that they mind, by the looks of it."

I give him a nod and think that if it were up to me, it would have been far worse than that.

"And one more thing, I whip my boys. They're strong-willed and impulsive, and at times that's the only way to get lessons through their thick heads. Are you OK with that?"

I nod to that and think to myself, This should be interesting.

That settled, we sit back, drink coffee, and watch Zack, Zeke, and AJ play in the field.

Twins

"OK, sleeping outside was dumb," I confess to my brother as we break the last hay bale and spread it out for the cows. AJ sits on the wooden fence just outside. He looks even smaller up there, swinging his legs back and forth.

"…and stupid…" my brother responds.

I nod my head in agreeance. "…and stupid."

"Remember, we don't know how this works. If you do something and get really sick, what's to say I don't also get sick? I'd rather not test it."

My look turns to one of `I can't believe you said that'.

"Well, unless we kiss and share germs, I think you'll be fine."

We finish our chores, and Zeke says something about going to change and shower. I about fall over.

"What?! You? Why?"

He just shrugs and looks a little embarrassed.

"I'm going to see if Missy will teach me how to play the drums."

I yell at him, "I thought we were gay!"

He turns to me and shrugs again. "Wouldn't you like to know for sure?"

The only thing I can think of is yuck. Then, when I think of the girl to help him figure that out is Missy, I think… yuck again.

Zeke walks towards the house, and I climb up on the fence with AJ. We flip our legs over, so we're sitting on the top of the fence facing each other and we lock eyes.

"I'm sorry you got hurt. I told you I would protect you, and I showed up too late."

He lifts my chin a little and shakes his head. It doesn't look like he's going to speak yet. At least he isn't just sitting there looking out that damn window. There isn't anything to see out that window, just an open field we don't even use anymore.

"And I'm really sorry about Maxwell. I'll get you a new bear. One that I'll give you. You'll love it." That earns me a huge smile and a hug.

"Does it still hurt?" I ask, a general question.

To my surprise, AJ points to the small cut on his forehead, and he leans in close to me, so I kiss it.

"Does that feel better?" I ask him, almost making fun of me kissing his booboo.

He nods that it does feel better, and then he points to the cut under his right eye.

Suddenly, this isn't funny anymore. My heart begins to beat out of my chest. He leans in and I give it a small, slow, caring kiss. I realize that when I did that, I had my eyes shut. When I open my eyes, I see that his eyes were also closed.

"How does it feel now?" I say, blushing a little. He smiles and blushes a little too, then touches the cut on his mouth.

He turns all shades of red. I'm not sure if the word 'blushes' describes it, but I'm sure I look the same.

OK, here we go. Don't screw this up, is all I can think about as I watch him inch closer to me on the fence rail and then lean in. I put my hand on the back of his neck and pull him closer as I tilt my head and lean in. When our lips meet, it's electric. I feel it down to my toes.

His lips are so soft, and they move open like he's done this before. But that doesn't matter right now. All that matters is the warmth I find in his mouth. Our tongues dance and curl around each other until his tongue pushes mine back into my mouth and we repeat the dance. Sharing the inside of our mouths seems so intimate, that my toes curl in my boots.

We break the kiss, and it's a good thing because I can barely keep my balance. At that point, I notice AJ, still with his eyes closed, basking in the afterglow, is slowly tilting.

I reach out and try to catch him, but that knocks me off balance and we tumble into the water trough we just filled, splashing most of the water out.

We come out of the water, and I make sure AJ is OK. He just looks at me, giggles, and says softly, "Again, please."

From the patio at the estate, we hear Uncle Jack yell, "Nice kiss! Now fill that trough back up!"

Chapter Text

AJ

My mom, Zack, and I walk into my therapist's office. This is the last day of my everyday visits. Next week I'll go back to school, unless Dr. Ford says I'm not ready. As far as what I think, I don't care, honestly. I know I don't have to worry about those bullies anymore. But the other kids saw me. Saw me with cum on my face. Something tells me I'm in for a rough year. The chime goes off when we walk in and soon Dr. Ford is there greeting us.

"Hello everyone, how's our little champ? Still wordless?"

"As far as I know," Mom says while giving me and Zack a look.

Zack lays a hand on my shoulder, and I give him a look. He's so handsome and strong.

"Well, OK, let's get this started," says Dr. Ford, waving me over, and I head to the office with her hand on my shoulder. The door closes and I'm led to the chair I've become familiar with. She sits across from me and puts her pad and pen in her lap.

"So, you've been here for seven straight days after the incident at school. AJ, you need to talk to me about it. Please tell me what happened."

My eyes shift out the window. Dr. Ford sighs.

"OK, I didn't want to try this. I wanted you to trust me enough to help you work through this. But if you don't want to talk to me, then let's see if you will talk to Zack."

I shake my head, and the look on my face is pleading with Dr. Ford. I even try to grab her hand as she walks by, but she opens the door and Zack is standing there ready to come in.

"Welcome, Zack. It's so nice to meet you. Why don't you come and sit down on the couch?"

For the first time, I can't look at Zack. I've never been so scared in my life.

"AJ, why don't you join Zack on the couch?"

But I can't get my body to move, and I just shake my head.

"Please, AJ," says Zack's dreamy voice.

Reluctantly, I get my feet under me and move to the couch opposite my savior. I begin counting the stitches on the couch cushions when Zack reaches out and takes my hands. I stare at our hands in his lap and can't believe how warm and safe they feel.

"Please don't count. Just concentrate on me," he asks.

"What are you counting, and why?" asks the doctor.

Without taking his eyes off me Zack answers while I blush.

"You haven't noticed? He counts things when he gets upset or nervous. Here I'll show you. Hmmm," Zack looks around the room and then smiles, "How many picture frames are there?"

I give Dr. Ford a quick glance.

"Nine."

Her eyebrows go up when she hears me answer verbally, and a soft smile appears.

"Pencils?"

I reluctantly answer, "Seven, four automatic and three yellow."

"Leaves on that plant in the corner?"

"Fifty-four," I answer, and reach out and put my hand over Zack's mouth.

He fights me a little and giggles at my efforts. "OK, OK, I understand."

Dr. Ford gets our attention.

"AJ, please tell Zack what happened at school."

My face changes when I hear that request. I sit back on my butt and wish I could run to my corner.

"You're safe here with me, AJ," Zack says, so softly. "Can you look at me?"

I raise my head, side-eye Dr. Ford, and whisper, "I can't tell you, Zack. I'm sorry. You'll think that I'm a bad boy, and you won't like me."

Zack hugs me and holds me tight while I cry on his shoulder.

"Look, I'm not as smart as Dr. Ford, but even I know you didn't ask to be beaten up and suck off that asshole, just like you didn't ask for your dad to rape you."

Oh my God, he knows about me and my dad? How?

"I love you. Nothing you can say will change that."

I push myself away from him and he lets me go.

"How can you love me after the things I've done?"

Anger swells inside me and I shout out loud, scaring Zack,

"They used me! They hurt me! I can't even have you touch me like I want without flinching!"

My whole back snaps and I arch in pain, and as fast as it happens, it is over. I see Zack looking towards the doctor, but she's making notes, and I don't think she saw it.

With complete exhaustion, I collapse back on my side of the couch. I'm defeated, embarrassed, and ashamed. I shakily pull my knees up to cover my face and whisper.

"I've done bad things. You can't love a bad boy."

The room goes quiet except for the sounds of my sobs. Softly, Zack takes hold of my knees and pulls them away from my face. He leans in close and lifts my chin with his gentle touch.

He watches me cry for a few seconds and then leans in for a kiss. It's warm and deep. My mind goes blank and fuzzy all at once. I put my hand on his shoulder to balance myself and he takes me into his arms, pulling me closer to him. His muscled chest holds me firm to him, and he rubs my back while his tongue finally pierces my lips and explores the inside of my mouth. Moans slip out of my mouth when he breaks the kiss and pulls his head back just far enough to touch his forehead to mine. He looks deep into my eyes.

"I love you. I don't know how to prove it to you. Nothing that those assholes did to you changes that. They hurt you. They were bad, not you."

"AJ," begins Doc Ford, "you are a victim. You are a survivor. You have to stop blaming yourself."

Zack takes a tissue and first wipes my tears and nose, then wipes his tears.

"AJ, I knew the first time I saw you in the backseat of that SUV that you were someone special to me. Ask Zeke, I've been a mess ever since I saw you that day. After I met you and heard you giggle at a dumb joke that Uncle told, I knew you were my soul mate. This will never change. Come on, I just kissed you in front of an adult. Doesn't that prove my love for you?"

Suddenly, I realize that we did that, didn't we, and I blush with embarrassment. Zack gives my cheek a little touch and says, "I love it when you blush."

"Boys," says the doctor, and we both look at her. "This is sweet and I'm so glad you feel like you can open up like this, but AJ still has to tell us about that day in school. You need to get it out so others can help you through it. That way, you're not alone anymore. Now, take a deep breath and take your time."

I take a few moments, and I decide to trust Zack and that he loves me.

I begin telling him what happened to me that stupid day. The punches I took, the swirlies; almost drowning in a toilet — so embarrassing — then the blowjob I gave. The only thing I can honestly remember after that is the beads bouncing and counting them to make sure I had all eighteen.

I'm a mess, for sure, but Zack holds my hand as tight as he can. He lets me cry and break down. My detail is great, and he'll probably have nightmares about it just like I do.

When I'm done, we talk about it with the doctor, and before we leave I remind Dr. Ford that she can't tell my mother about the kiss. She just laughs and says our secret is safe with her, but then adds, "The way you two act… it's not much of a secret."

The car ride is nice. Me and Zack sit in the middle seat and hold hands the whole way. When we're sure Mom isn't watching, we steal kisses. Once we get to the house, I'm told to go up to my room and change into my riding clothes. Zack is sent home to do the same.

I come downstairs and Mom meets me in the kitchen, and she's wearing her riding clothes too.

"Are you having riding lessons with me today, Mom?"

She sits down in a chair and pulls me to her, takes off my cowboy hat, and takes hold of my head.

"I… am… so… proud of you today. You were very brave to talk to Doctor Ford and Zack. I'm so happy, AJ.

"Out back, there's a surprise for you that Uncle Jack and I have been working on. I know your birthday is next weekend and we'll have a huge party with all your friends from school, but today's birthday gift is a week early and it's the most special. Are you ready for it?"

A surprise? For me?

My heart is beating out of my chest. I've never had a surprise present before.

We walk outside, and Mom picks me up and covers my eyes with my cowboy hat. I'm giggling because I'm so excited and bouncing in her arms.

"Are you ready, AJ?" Mom asks the silly question.

Taking the hat away from my eyes, I see a small saddle on the wooden slat fence. It's four different shades of grey, and on the bottom left corner it has my name burnt into the leather — `AJ'.

I run over to it and Uncle Jack picks me up and puts me on it. "This is so cool, Uncle Jack! Thanks, Mom!"

"Unfortunately," Uncle Jack says, shaking his head in disappointment, "we don't own a horse that this rig fits on."

I think over his words quickly and wonder why you would get me something for my birthday to fit a horse we don't own. I look at him and am about to ask when I see his head point behind me. Behind me is Zack leading a small horse, and Zeke is riding his horse, leading Zack's.

My mouth drops open.

"Is that mine?!" I yell, and almost fall off the saddle. Uncle catches me and carries me to the horse on his hip. "Is that pony all mine?!"

I reach out and pet the horse and get lost in his eyes.

"It sure is, and the best part is he will grow with you. So, you'll always have a horse your size."

I give Uncle Jack the biggest hug ever and say, "Thanks, Dad!"

I slide off his hip and see Zack carrying my saddle to the horse. He hikes it up and heaves it onto the small horse.

I'm jumping all over the place and see my mom staring at me like she's seen a ghost. I go hug Uncle again and seeing his face, he seems shocked also, but he kneels and hugs me tight.

Did I say something wrong? No bad words, no secrets. What did I do?

Zack breaks my thoughts and says, "Come on little guy, let's get you on Stepper."

"Stepper? Is that his name? I love it!"

Zack boosts my step, and I jump on the saddle and pull myself up. He fixes the feet parts to the length of my legs, then puts my cowboy boots in the saddle's foot holders. He runs to the other side and does the same.

Zeke hands the reins of the horse he's been leading to Zack and says "Hey cowboy, are you ready to ride?"

As Zack mounts his horse, Zeke rides close to me, leans over, and says with a grin, "Hey, sexy, let's go for a ride." Then he gives me a quick rundown on how to control a horse.

Uncle Jack

Did he just…

The boy is too excited to realize what he just called me. He slips down my leg and sprints over to the horse. I look at Alice and shake my head. She looks as shocked as I do.

I am about to tell her that I'm sorry and didn't know he thought about me that way, but AJ grabs me in another hug, catching me off guard. I can see it in his eyes. He had no idea that he called me what he did. I smile at him and hope he doesn't remember.

The little scamp is jumping up and down, waiting for Zack to get his saddle. After he gets AJ situated on Stepper, Zack mounts his horse, and the twins go through tips on how to ride a horse. Occasionally, AJ looks at us and waves.

"Dad, look," he yells as he turns the horse in a circle. That time, everyone heard, and as soon as his horse completed its turn, the look on his face was unmistakable – it's horror. He looks around at everyone and sees their shocked faces.

Freaking out, he swings his leg over the saddle and falls to the ground, landing on his butt, hard. His cowboy hat falls off, and before I can get there, he takes off running up to the house.

Zack is off his horse and running after him. Alice and I lock eyes for a second before she says, "Sorry," and runs off after Zack and AJ.

Zack

Damn, this little guy is fast!

By the time I get to his room, his door is shut. I knock. The door hasn't had a lock on it since the last time he had the shakes. While I knock on the door, Mrs. Docker is running up the stairs.

"Get in there or I'll have to. He's not going to tell you to come in." I give her a nod and I head in.

"AJ. Hey, little guy."

"Don't call me that!" he yells at me, and then goes back to crying into his pillow.

"Why did I do that? Why did I call Uncle Jack that?"

I'm not sure what to say. I just rub his back, so he knows I'm there.

"I'm sure Uncle didn't mind. I kind of think it's sweet."

He sits up and I wipe his eyes. His quivering bottom lip makes me feel so bad for him.

"You guys don't even call him that," he whimpers, and I pull him into a full-body hug.

I love having his whole weight on my lap and chest. I rub his back while my shoulder doubles as a tissue.

"Well, it's different for me and Zeke when it comes to Uncle Jack. Jack and my father were twins. So, at first, we used to make that mistake all the time, but we could see that every time we called him that, it reminded him of our father. After a while, Zeke and I just decided to work hard at not calling Jack Dad or Father."

He leans back so he can look at me. I'm crying, thinking about our dad, and he wipes away my tears this time.

"Do you think Uncle Jack hates me for calling him Dad?"

"Oh, little bro, I think he loved it. I think he's honored to have you call him that."

"Can you just hold me?" he says. "I'm too embarrassed to see anybody right now."

"Well, we're going on a camping trip tomorrow, and Zeke and I should get you comfortable with Stepper."

He lays his head on my shoulder and says, "Just for a little while, please."

"OK, little bro. Just for a little while."

I can barely hear Mrs. Docker quietly going down the stairs.

Next Morning

AJ didn't sleep well. It was either the excitement, or feeling bad for calling Uncle `Dad'. When I wake up just before sunrise, I normally have my left hand around AJ's chest. This morning, however, it's inside his underwear – like, all of my hand.

My eyes fly open. My first thought is that I've done this in my sleep, but then I find that AJ has a death grip on my hand, holding it down there. It's gently cupping his balls. His dick rests, as hard as a steel rod, in between my fingers.

I wiggle my hand a little, trying to get it from under the waistband of his green boxers, but all it does is make him harder. He moans softly and squirms a little.

God, I want this, and so much more — but not like this.

"AJ. AJ, wake up, little bro."

His hand lets go of mine, and he rubs an eye. I pull my hand back from inside his underwear. He rolls over and looks into my eyes, and his emeralds smile at me.

"Morning, boyfriend," he says, his voice husky with sleep.

I look at him questioningly.

"Is that what we are?" I ask him with a goofy grin.

He blushes and says, as he goes in for a kiss, "I want us to be."

The kiss is short, I think my morning breath is too much for him because he pushes me back and sticks his tongue at me.

I fake hurt feelings and pull him up on my chest. He swings his leg over me and rides me just in front of my dick. Every third bounce or so, my dick goes in his crack, and I squeak a little.

"You're not as much fun as riding Stepper," he jokes.

"Oh, you're funny. You're about to get a surprise up your keester," I pull him back on the bed and tickle him a little.

"Zack, why are you so much bigger than me?"

Getting out of bed, I look down to see my dick sticking out of my boxers, and AJ is as close as he can be while lying on his stomach. I put it back in and smile, a little embarrassed.

"Oh, it's OK for you to look at me, huh?"

He swings his legs and kicks his butt a few times and smiles.

"I've seen it before, remember? Of course, last time I saw it, it was leaking that white stuff… coom."

I laugh at him and mess up his bedhead and correct him, "It's called cum, AJ."

He nods his head and gives it some thought, then reaches for my dick.

"Oh no, little bro. Get up and get dressed or Uncle will whip us both."

He returns my grin as I start getting dressed.

We race down the stairs to the bathroom, each with our jeans in hand. I get there first, and AJ slips in behind me and shuts the door. Before I know it, his dick is out and he's peeing along with me.

"I want to try again."

"Try what? Kissing? We kiss every chance we get."

"I like kissing. No, I mean I want you to try touching me."

"Oh… well AJ…" I say as I shake my dick clean. "it has to be a moment. I don't just want to play with you. I want to make you moan," I say devilishly to him.

His giggles are music to my ears, "It doesn't take much to make me moan."

I ball-shot him with a little tap and say, "Put your pants on, you bull stud."

We come down the stairs, me smacking his tight little butt and him holding his hat on as he hurries. Mrs. Docker already has our plates on the bar, and we hop on the bar stools. Shoveling in our breakfast, Mrs. Docker only warns us once not to choke and then lets us eat away.

Before we leave, she gives me a backpack with AJ's clothes and his sleeping bag. She gives us both a kiss. I've never told anyone this, but it's been nice having a mom kiss me again. I smile at her and push AJ out the door.

"Zack," Mrs. Dockers stops me, and she hands me a small black box with a white and red plus sign on it.

"This is important, Zack. Make sure you tell your uncle. One shot, in the butt cheek, if he begins to have an episode."

"How will I know, Mrs. Docker?"

She just smiles at me and says, "Because you'll be scared, and AJ will need your help. He'll be shaking and maybe drooling or foaming at the mouth. He won't be able to tell you anything, you'll just have to act. The shot will give you an extra couple of hours to get him back here, so we can get an ambulance here to save him. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, I understand."

AJ

I'm running down the dirt driveway, and I'm so excited I don't realize I'm alone. All the cattle are in the pasture. Uncle Jack and Zeke are on their horses. Zack's horse and mine are tied to the gate, ready for riding. I stop just shy of Stepper, so as not to scare him.

"Hey Buddy, good morning," I say. I pet him and give him a sugar cube I took from breakfast.

Zack comes running to catch up. He climbs the fence and attaches my backpack to the straps on the back of my saddle. I climb up the fence next to him and give him my sleeping bag. He ties it too, and then helps me into the saddle. "You going to tie me down too?" I say, smirking.

He side-eyes me and smiles. "I'd like to," and he pats my leg.

"Just remember, I'll be right by you as we ride. Give him a little kick to start, reins to the left to turn left, to the right to turn right, and to stop just pull back and say `whoa'. Try not to hold onto the horn. It throws you off the horse's rhythm and will hurt your little boy parts."

"Hey! They're not little," I disagree.

"I know," Zack says, patting my crotch.

I smile and watch Zack put one of my emergency syringe kits in his saddle bags. I watch his butt as he swings his leg over his saddle and then we're off.

Uncle and the twins do all the work, and I just hang out at the back of the herd trying to concentrate on holding on to the reins. We've got all fifty head of cattle and are moving at a pretty good clip, but not too fast. Then I began to get that feeling that every boy gets a few hours after he wakes up.

"Zack! Zack, I have to pee."

Zack pulls his horse next to mine and says, "You can't hold it?" I shake my head and I try to pinch my dick through my jeans.

"OK, well do you think you can catch up?"

"I'll never be able to get back into the saddle without help."

"OK, stop your horse," and I pull back on my reins. "Now, get on your knees and face to the side."

I look a little puzzled, but do so.

"Now, pull down your pants and pee."

"I'll fall," I say with a little quiver in my voice.

"No, I've got you, little bro. Hurry and pee."

Behind me, I feel Zack's hand gripping my shirt. I pull down my pants to my knees and hold my penis out. I'm a little nervous, so it takes a few seconds, but having Zack hold on to me helps. Finally, the stream begins. I feel so good, I think I might burst.

"The view looks pretty good back here."

I didn't even think of that. Zack is inches from my bare butt.

"Hey Zack! That's embarrassing. Don't look," I beg him. I put my free hand across my butt to cover it as much as I can.

"You're fine. I'm just teasing. You done?"

Pulling up my pants, "Yeah, just a second. I think I peed on Stepper."

Zack laughs at me and pulls my shirt down over my now-covered butt.

"You can wash him off once we get to the swimming hole."

Stepper seems just about as fast as Zack's horse, Night Runner, and after a few minutes we catch up to the cattle.

We get to the grazing area, and we group up. Uncle looks over the cattle and then addresses us.

"Here's what we're doing to do. Twins, set up the campsite. AJ and I will watch the herd. When you boys are done with the site set-up, you all can go swimming."

The twins seem pretty happy about the plans and head to a clearing near the small lake by the trees. I realize that I don't think Mom packed me a swimsuit.

I ride over to see Uncle. After calling him Dad, this isn't easy for me.

"Uncle," I sheepishly say, "I don't have a swimsuit."

He smiles at me and takes off his ball cap and wipes his forehead.

"That's nothin' to worry about. Didn't Zack tell you? The boys always skinny dip."

I blink at him. "You mean I have to be naked?"

Uncle Jack's face softens, and it's almost like he can feel how nervous I am.

"Well, if you're worried about me, little one, don't be. The twins are always naked around me, have been for years now. And I'm sure you're going to fit right in. I'll be all the way over here watching the cattle, anyway. You don't have to be embarrassed."

"Uncle… about what I called you earlier…" the words get caught in my throat and I stare at my saddle horn. My eyes shift to the stitching, and I begin to count it.

Then before I know it, I'm being lifted in the air. Uncle puts me in between him and his saddle's horn.

"Whoa!"

"Let's go get that cattle from the fence line. Hold on little one!"

He gives his horse a kick, and we take off. His left hand holds me tight to his strong chest, and we are rocking with the rhythm of the horse. By getting in front of the cattle, we make them turn and head back to the herd. Then we walk it back to make sure it stays.

"Listen AJ," he says as he holds me close. "I told you; you can call me whatever feels most comfortable."

"You looked like I hurt your feelings."

"No, you didn't. I just wasn't expecting it, that's all. I'm honored if you call me Dad. But only if you feel comfortable."

He hugs me with both arms, and I lay my head on his chest to look at his face. He has tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I don't know what I want to call you. and I'm not sure why I called you Dad. If it's OK, I'll just call you Uncle Jack for now."

He hugs me a little tighter and says, "I think that's just fine. Now, call your horse to you."

"Stepper! Here, Stepper!" I'm so excited when I see Stepper heading my way.

"Look, Uncle! Here Stepper, good horse."

"That's the making of a good cowboy, AJ. The connection between you and your horse is special. Here, give him this," and he hands me a sugar cube.

I give Stepper the cube and Uncle picks me up and sets me on my saddle.

"Here you go, young man. You and I are good, right?"

I give him a nod and he smiles.

"OK. You watch the other side, and if you see a cow break from the herd, just do what we just did. If you can't get him, blow this whistle," and he puts a string with a whistle around my neck.

Uncle and I don't have much trouble with the cattle, and soon I hear the twins yelling and shouting. Looking that way, I can see them, naked, running to the swimming hole.

I turn to Uncle Jack, and he looks at me and nods. So, I turn Stepper and head in that direction.

I get to the sandy edge, and it's a nice swimming hole, I suppose. There is a rope on a huge tree limb that stretches out over the small lake. That looks like a lot of fun.

I slip off my horse and tie him to a small hitching post that's there for horses. I take a towel out of a saddle bag and wet it in the water as I watch the twins play in it a few yards away. Moving back to Stepper, I wash his side, and the side of the saddle just in case I peed on it also.

The twins shout, urging me in, so I hang the towel on the hitching post. I take off everything but my boxers, and I'm not sure what I should do. I mean, they're naked, and I'd be embarrassed if I were in my boxers. But I'm also embarrassed to be naked.

Zeke shouts.

"AJ, you can cover it with your hand if you don't want us to see your huge, little boy cock!"

Zack splashes him in the face for saying it, and I laugh.

I take a breath, and with a cheeky grin I drop my boxers and run into the water as fast as I can. The water explodes with each of my steps as I run into Zack's arms. Hanging on his neck, I kiss him.

"Hey… you're naked?" Zack says with a teasing smile, warning me of what's coming.

The tickle fest hits me, and I bob up and down in the water as Zack's hands are up and down my body, with the occasional rub across my boy parts to make me squeal.

The tickle torture I love is broken up when Zeke dunks Zack. I jump on Zeke, but he catches me and hoists me over his shoulder, pulling my bare butt out of the water. He spins me around and Zack spanks my butt. My squirming shakes me loose and I get dropped. Then Zack jumps on Zeke and he goes under.

I let the twins play back and forth, looking for my spot to jump in, but they play pretty rough. I see the rope above me, I think, I know what I want to

Chapter Text

Twins

"Hey, where's AJ?" asks my brother Zeke.

I come out of the water and scan the beach, then begin to scan the lake.

"He was right there sitting on the beach!" I say, a little excited as I spin around looking for him.

"AJ! AJ!" I shout as I hurry out of the lake.

"Up here," comes his giggly voice, up in the tree.

He's up in the tree with the rope swing.

"Oh, little bro, that is such a bad idea. Just come down."

His face just deflates. I'd love to see him do it, but if he got hurt, it'd be my fault.

"Aw, let him do it! Go ahead, little man, I'm here! I'll get you."

Zeke says it because he doesn't know, and I don't have the balls to tell that face no.

"AJ, please be careful," I plead, and hurry into the lake.

We're in place, but we aren't ready for what is to happen. AJ jumps from the tree, and his scream of joy sounds great until he swings past us and up the other side.

"Let go! AJ, let go!"

AJ lets go, and time almost stops with my heart. I hear Zeke say, "Oh shit," and when Zeke is worried, I'm terrified!

AJ hits the water really hard. It looks like he's trying to do a cannonball, but really ugly. Both of us are swimming as fast as we can, and AJ isn't coming up. The lake isn't that big or deep; he should be up by now.

Just before we get to where he hit the water, AJ comes up, and it looks like he's hurt.

I wrap him up and all his weight rests on my chest. I swim on my back, pulling him back to the beach. He is shaking in my arms, and I know this shaking isn't normal.

"AJ, can you talk to me? Are you OK? Come on man!"

"Yeah… yeah, I'm good. I'm just cold."

I know he isn't cold, and by the look on Zeke's face, he knows it, too. Once I get him on the beach, I take him straight to the campsite. Zeke grabs his clothes. I set him in a chair and go to get him a towel.

Carefully standing him up, I wrap him in the towel and look into his eyes.

"AJ, are you OK? I have to know." I can see him looking away and thinking about his answer.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing happened. It just knocked the wind out of me."

I know he's lying, but I let it go, I'll keep a close eye on him.

AJ

Wow… hitting the water that hard triggered `the shakes', and it was so painful, I think I passed out for a little while before Zack got to me. But I can't tell him that's what happened — I'd have to go home. No campout, no party, no birthday. So I lie.

I sit here in the lawn chair wrapped in a towel, naked. Uncle Jack rides up and saves me from the look in Zack's eyes.

"OK boys, Zack and AJ get dressed. You're on watch. Zeke and I will get supper ready."

He gets off his horse and starts to undress. Zeke gives me my clothes, and I take my boxers and pull them on under my towel. By the time I'm dressed and hurrying to my horse, Uncle Jack is naked and striding to the water. I use the hitching post to climb onto Stepper.

Uncle Jack pats my leg and asks if I'm alright.

"Yeah, just had a bad jump into the lake."

He pats my leg again, and I kick Stepper to head to the herd. Zack is just getting on his horse and glares at me the whole time, watching to see if I give him any evidence to make me go home.

After a while, I began to feel back to normal, with a little soreness. Eventually my little jump is forgotten, and we're joking and keeping the herd together.

Everything goes great, and soon the sun is setting and our turn is over. Man, my butt is so sore, and I am starving. I tie up Stepper and me and Zack feed our horses. Zack helps me with my saddle, and we comb them clean.

Then we get to eat. Uncle Jack and Zeke have had their dinner, and they've ridden a short distance from the camp to start their shift with the herd. We have barbecued chicken and beans. Zack could have sat anywhere, but he sits right close to me. Our bodies are touching, in fact, and it feels nice. I lay my head on his shoulder while we watch the fire.

"Don't be scared of me," Zack says in almost a whisper.

I think about it for a little while, and answer him.

"I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of myself."

We sit there for a while more, and then he turns my head and kisses me, deeply and intimately. It's long and wet. Warm, and repeated. His hands begin to take off my flannel overshirt, and then my white tee-shirt comes off, too.

Zack moves me to the sleeping bag, and he starts to take off his pants. My mind snaps out of the brain fuzz and yells at me, This is it! Take off your pants! What are you waiting for?

I can't get my pants off fast enough. I put my thumbs in the waistband of my boxers to take them down.

"Stop!" Zack says hastily, and I do. A smile crawls across his face, a loving one.

"Let me do that please."

I stand up. I put my hands on his shoulders and move closer. His hands move down my body, feeling every inch of me, and when he gets to my boxers, I hear moaning coming from my mouth and I don't even realize it's from me. The boxers hit the ground and his hands glide up my legs. A whimper comes out when I exhale. His finger reaches my balls first, and he lovingly rubs them, and then I feel them get wet and warm.

I can't stop myself from making moaning noises. I have to cover my mouth so as not to let Zeke and Uncle know what we're doing. As soon as my penis enters his mouth, my knees buckle, and he catches me and lays me down. But he never stops, and my grip on his head gets tighter.

Soon I can't stop myself. My hands are locked onto Zack's head, and I howl, moan, and squirm. No one has ever done this to me before, and my brain is melting. My body is beginning to shake, my toes curl. My grip on Zack's head tightens. My back arches, and I let out a scream as I hit a dry orgasm like I've never hit before. I might have blacked out. It is so good.

My hard penis pops out of his mouth, and he looks up at me as I look down. Every once in a while, he licks it and my body jerks, making him smile.

"It sounded like you liked that," Zack says, with a glowing smile on his face.

"Oh, yeah. I've never felt anything like that. My head is buzzing, and I can't wait… can't wait for…"

"…another one?" Zack says as he opens his mouth to give me another one. But before he starts again, I finish my sentence.

"…can't wait for my turn to do you."

I sit up and Zack is lying next to me with a huge grin on his face. His perfect penis must be more than four inches [10 cm] long, but looks like it's ten inches [25 cm] to me at this moment. Licking up it, I cover the underside with slickness and once I get to the mushroom, I wrap my tongue around its edge and down the top making sure to suck the tip to get what pre-cum I can. It's sweet and exactly what I dreamed it would taste like.

Zack moans and hisses, then says, "How do you know how to do this?"

I take my mouth off his penis and sit up looking at him uncomfortably.

"My dad taught me."

The look on his face says that he is so sorry.

"He always called me a great cocksucker. I sucked his penis for two years before he… before he…"

"Stop. I'm sorry. I should have known. You don't have to finish me," he says and hugs me. He rubs my back for a little while.

Then I break his hug and smile at him.

"No. I'm not letting that man ruin this for me."

Sliding down his front, I feel every muscle on his chest, the same way he did for me, and once I get to his penis, I take it in my mouth again. I can't stop my hunger for this. I need to make him scream like he did for me.

His hands switch from holding my head to gripping the sleeping bag. The sounds he's making are so erotic that I think I'm going to have another dry orgasm, but I concentrate and try to make this the best penis-sucking I can give. Zack deserves it.

Penis sucking is like giving someone a massage, my dad used to tell me. Each lick, every suck, head bob, and blow are meant not to get the person you're sucking just to cum as fast as possible, but to bring them to the brink over and over again. Zack, at this point, is screaming silently, making squeaks and hisses when he breathes. My tongue wraps under his penis and then around his mushroom as I suck and suck on the tip.

Not yet, not yet…

I let go and lick around his balls, taking each one in my mouth and rolling them around until I feel his tension release. And then I'm back on his penis.

Zack

I need to nut so badly! I've never felt like this before.

AJ's skill is perfection; I think I'm losing my mind. This is the fourth time that I've just about exploded out the tip of my dick, and my mind is so buzzing from the need to cum, I have no idea if he's going to ever let me. I'm loving it.

"AJ, man… I'm going to explode. You'd best let me go… AJ?"

He's going to drink my cum, I just know it. I'm going to cum so much.

All I can think of is… he must love me.

My scream is so loud that I scare the horses and they begin to move around. I've not had an orgasm this hard since Zeke fucked me for the first time.

My orgasm is so hard that a moment later I feel a secondary orgasm in my body that isn't my own. From across the field, I hear another scream. It's so loud it scares AJ, and he pulls his mouth off my dick. And even though he has swallowed five huge spurts of my cum, when he pulls off and that other orgasm hits me, I cum four more ropes all over his face.

"What was that?" AJ shouts. "That wasn't you!"

But I'm still under the afterglow and can't tell him yet, so I grasp his hand. I pull him in close to hug him as I gasp for air.

He panics.

"Zack! Are you OK?"

"Yeah… yeah, I'm good. Better than good. I'm in heaven. You are amazing!

"That scream you heard… you are so good that my brother felt it."

AJ pushes himself off me while I still breathe deeply. He looks at me like I'm lying and doesn't believe me, but then we hear a horse. I pull his naked body into the sleeping bag and cover us up.

Zeke rides up and looks at us in the sleeping bag. He gets off his horse and walks up to us. Once he gets right up next to us, I tell AJ, "Look at his pants."

AJ is a thousand shades of red, but he turns and looks anyway. Zeke looks pissed, we can see that his crotch is covered in a huge wet spot.

"I suppose you think this is funny. How did you two do this?"

Zeke drops his pants. He's not wearing underwear, and his crotch is covered in cum.

"Now I have to go wash off in the lake."

He kicks off his boots, steps out of the pants, picks them up and begins to walk towards the lake. He stops and turns to look back at us and adds, "Oh, by the way, Uncle Jack knows too. I mean, how could he not, with you two screaming and moaning like two hounds in heat."

I sigh and let my head fall to the ground before looking at AJ, who appears to be about to burst.

"Shh… shhhh… AJ, listen," I say as I wrap him in my arms.

"What are we going to do? If Zeke isn't messing around and Uncle Jack knows…"

I laugh and look at him.

"If Uncle Jack knows, then he just got the biggest laugh out of watching Zeke orgasm and cum in his pants. It's happened like three times since we were both able to cum. You, my little boyfriend, are the best blowjob giver I've ever had."

A smile slowly takes over AJ's face, and the pride he's showing is all the reason I need to kiss him deeply. The kiss lasts for a long time; we only separate to get a breath when our noses can't intake enough air. I can taste my cum all over his face, inside and out. I've never been hornier than I am now.

Soon, Zeke walks back and whistles at us. He changes into clean pants, gets on his horse, and rides out to the field. Then and only then do I break the kiss to whisper in AJ's ear, "I want to make you scream for your birthday."

He giggles and I turn him around to prepare his little, perfect bottom. Right away, he sucks my dick back into his mouth and begins to clean it off, but when I plunge my tongue into his little, tight rosebud, he loses all control of what he's doing. All he can do is squirm, squeak, and moan as I work my tongue out and into his little butt hole. It relaxes and opens to me, and I keep at it until I'm sure he won't feel any pain. Jaw pain, sore tongue, shallow breathing — nothing stops me until I know for sure he will only feel glorious feelings.

"Zack! Zack! Oh my… my… I can't stop it…" and then he whimpers for me. It is more like a muffled scream. His body tenses up, his toes curl up by my head, and he grips my legs with a grip that would bend steel. His butt hole constricts around my tongue, pushing me out. His breathing is heavy and a little wheezy, and I hear, as I see him pull his face away from the sleeping bag.

"That's so cool," he whispers.

I pull him up to me and have him sit on my lap with his legs as wide as I can get them. I wipe my two longest fingers in my cum that still hangs on his face.

"Now if this hurts, you have to tell me. Please don't lie to me like you did at the lake,"

He nods, and I slowly push my two fingers into his butt. For a second or two he winces, but before I have a chance to say anything, he lunges at me, kissing me and forcing himself onto my fingers.

Our tongues stay locked in bliss as he moans and grunts. I'm so hard and about to cum just from the noises he's making. Suddenly, he pushes me back and pleads, "Now, do it now. Before I lose my nerve."

I start to protest, and he reaches back and positions my dick over his hole, then sides onto it. His body goes rigid, and I yell, "Not so fast!"

I grab my face as I adjust to the ecstasy, I'm now in. He's so tight and keeps getting tighter, to the point it's beginning to crush my dick. When I get my bearings, I remove my hands from my eyes and AJ has his hands on my chest. His chest is heaving air, in and out, and his face only shows pain.

"That's it! We're done!"

"No! Don't take this from me! I love you and I need to give you this!"

"I don't want to do this if it's going to hurt you."

"Don't you get it?" He's so upset he's crying, and I can barely understand him. "Everything hurts! I'm always in pain! I'll never be able to do this without hurting! The only person I've done this with didn't even care if he hurt me! He just wanted to fuck me like the boys in his videos! That's not love."

He whispers to me. "Just once, I want to do it with someone who loves me, and I love them."

He sits up a little straighter, calms down, and takes my full length in him down to my pubes. "See, I'm fine," he whimpers, with a tiny crack in his voice.

My eyes roll back into my head as the last couple of inches sink into him; my head keeps screaming, Fuck him, fuck him now. I sit up and look at him in his puppy dog eyes, and he whispers, "Please."

So, I give in and place both hands on his hips and, ever so gently, begin to pull him towards me and then push him back on my dick. Back and forth, back and forth, then to change it up, I pull him a little to the left and hold on tight, so he gets unbalanced. I see a range of emotions go through his face and painful tears begin to fall from his eyes once more. Every bone in my body is screaming for me to plow into him, but I keep rocking him. By the look on his face, I don't believe I found his boy button yet, so I grip him tighter and spin him around on his back. He grunts a little out of pain, and I ignore it the best I can. Sometime after that, I think, is when I start to cry. To have someone love you so much that they are willing to do this to themselves for you is meaningful.

He mellows out a little as I pull his legs up to my shoulders and I lean in on him so his small butt will open up. Again, I bury myself in all the way and have to watch him wince. His eyes open and he sees the concern on my face, so he pulls me in for a small kiss. Then I sit up and begin pumping him again. I think I've found AJ's boy button. His body is shaking every time I push in, and I spend most of my time making sure he is getting as much enjoyment out of this as I can.

My head starts getting fuzzy and my hips speed up on their own. I drop one leg to my side and hold the other one high, making him turn to the side and giving me the most free range to go at him. I pull out to the tip and thrust it into him all the way. I watch as his little dick flops back and forth with each thrust. I thought a couple of these were going to make his eyes pop out, but he just kept begging for more with each moaning and grunting.

Suddenly, he grabs his head and screams. His whole body jerks and convulses. The muscles in his butt constrict so much that I think I'm going to pass out, but my hips keep pulling out to the tip and thrusting in as hard as I can. After three of the hardest thrusts I can do, I shoot rope after rope into him.

I let go of his leg and put my hands on his chest as my dick pulses over and over. I've never felt anything like this. As my orgasm begins to die down a little, in the back of my body, I again feel the second one build up and slam into me. I thrust myself in as hard as ever and I scream at the top of my lungs right along with a scream out in the field.

When I every last drop of cum in my body is gone, I suddenly feel a sharp pain in my butt. I look towards the field and I see Zeke lying on the ground. I giggle a little to myself, figuring out that my brother must have fallen off his horse when he experienced my orgasm.

I turn back to my little lover. I fall onto him and he wraps his arms around me, catching me, and he whispers breathlessly in my ear

"Thank you for tonight, I love you so much."

When my hard-on finally softens enough to pop out of that still-tight ass, I roll over and kiss him on the lips.

"I have one more surprise for you," I tell him with a sly smile.

"You do? I don't know if I have it in me. How can you do anymore? I mean, how many times did you cum?"

I giggle and rub his head. He smiles and leans into my hand.

"It's not sexual. This present is from my heart. Close your eyes, please."

AJ closes his eyes, and then he peeks a little, and I touch his nose.

"No peeking."

I get out of the sleeping bag and go get a yellow backpack from the food wagon. I hurry back to the sleeping bag with my lover.

I love how those words sound… my lover.

"OK, open your eyes."

He's giddy with excitement, then loses some steam to confusion.

"That's my school backpack," he says plainly.

"Open it."

His confusion turns to excitement again as he unzips his bag. He looks inside. I am so nervous.

What if he doesn't like it? What if he thinks it is too childish?

I can barely sit still watching the zipper go across the top of the backpack. Then I see his face and, as his tears begin to flow, I know I made the right choice.

AJ reaches in and brings out a new teddy bear. Its gray fur is fluffy. It is wearing overalls, and on the front pocket are eighteen black beads. His fingers go to the beads and glide down them.

"I sewed them on myself," I say, a little embarrassed.

"I love it. It reminds me of you. Thank you, I love you so much." He hugs his bear and then hugs me tightly.

"You are most welcome; Happy birthday. I love you too, more than you could ever know."

This makes him smile, and he snuggles up to my chest with his teddy bear and soon falls asleep.

I lay there thinking about what he said earlier and wondering if I'm going to be able to do this next time, knowing that I'm hurting him.

Should I try and avoid sex from now on? Or maybe we could work together to find a way that sex won't hurt him?

Lust makes us do stupid shit, and I think I just crossed that line. I'm going to have to stop thinking with my dick. I hug him a little tighter and my tears fall in his hair.

3 AM Saturday

Taps on my cheeks and my ears wake me up enough to hear Uncle Jack whispering, "Zack. Up and at 'em."

I open my eyes and look around to see Uncle kneeling next to my sleeping bag. I look down to see AJ laying on me from head to toe, and he has me in an odd half hug with his new teddy bear locked in his hand's grip. I just look at Uncle and shrug.

"I'm going to lift him, and you scoot out from under him." He lifts AJ's nude limp body and I do what he says.

AJ, totally exhausted from his birthday present, is so out of it that he doesn't even wake up, not even a little. I get out and Uncle just lowers him onto my pillow. AJ rolls himself up around his new bear and I cover him back up with the sleeping bag flap.

"Holy shit, little brother, what did you do to that little boy?" teases Zeke as he strips naked and opens his sleeping bag to climb in.

"You should know, you felt it too. How's the butt? I saw you fall off your horse."

He smirks. He definitely felt it.

I get a love smack on my bare bottom and Uncle whispers, "Enough messing around. Hurry and get dressed. I'm going to take AJ's shift. Meet me out there, and no more messing around." He stands and heads to his horse.

We don't talk to each other after that, and soon Zeke is snoring. I put on my riding coat and cowboy hat. I saddle my horse and head out to the field.

Once out there, I take up my position and yawn, wishing I could drink coffee at my age. Uncle Jack makes his rounds and pulls up next to me. He's quiet for a moment.

"Did you hurt him?"

I sit there wondering how I should answer. Uncle gives me all the time I need to think.

"I think so. Uncle, he wanted it so badly, and once he got me started, I just couldn't stop. I guess we both wanted it pretty bad."

Uncle Jack sits quietly for a moment or two.

"I heard what he said to you. It would have been hard for any man to tell his lover no."

"Should I have stopped? What if I really hurt him?" I whispered like I didn't want the night to hear me say it.

Again, Uncle just sits and drinks from his coffee thermos. He screws the top back on and then takes the reins.

"If you had stopped, he would still have been hurt, but it would have been rejection. Rejection by a loved one, that's a deep pain. A pain he already feels.

"I'm not saying you should have done it; I'm just saying, no man can ever be certain that stopping is best in that situation."

Then, like one of those old cowboys in the movies, Uncle Jack moseys off to start his rounds again, leaving me with my thoughts.

Four Hours Later

Uncle Jack rides up next to Zeke's bed, and I watch to see what he's up to.

"Hey, Zeke!"

Zeke sits up and looks around. He squints up at our Uncle.

"Get up and get breakfast started. Once you're done, you can go back to sleep."

Zeke huffs and lays back down, pulling his sleeping bag over his head to hide from the sunrise. Uncle walks his horse in a circle as he watches Zeke try to slide back into slumberland.

"Do you need a love spanking? With you being naked, it'd be real easy to give you one."

By this point, I'm laughing my ass off in between yawns.

Zeke gets up and gives me a sour look. Pulling himself out of his sleeping bag, he stands before us with the biggest morning wood pulsing with his heartbeat, and it just makes me laugh harder.

"You know, it's not like I got to fuck someone's brains out last night. If I was sure I wouldn't feel it, I'd kick your ass!"

"Zack, stop it," Uncle scowls at me and then looks at Zeke. "And you just get to work so you can go back to sleep."

Without warning, AJ sits up and yells, "Kick whose ass?" and we all just look at him, then start laughing. The little boy crawls out of his sleeping bag with the worst bedhead, and stands, rubbing his eyes, yawning, holding his new teddy bear in his other hand.

We all watch him, looking for signs that he's hurting from our fun last night. He just looks like a tired little boy to me. If he's hurting, I can't tell. His little morning wood is standing as hard as it was last night. His naked body there in the middle of camp is so cute. I'm so relieved I didn't really hurt him.

"And you, little screamer," Uncle Jack teases, "you get dressed too and help Zeke make breakfast. Welcome to the life of running cattle."

Zeke walks by and taps AJ's little dick and says, "I can take care of that for you. I'm much better at it than Zack."

AJ, out of a half-asleep reaction, reaches out and smacks Zeke's morning wood so hard I hear the slap from where I am. Zeke grabs his dick and balls and drops to his knees, moaning in pain.

"Why… why AJ?"

I giggle at him one more time, as Uncle rides past me and I hurry to catch up.

AJ

We finish making and eating our breakfast. Zeke teases me the whole time about smacking his dick off, but it's the kind of teasing a big brother gives his little bro, so I kind of enjoy it. Once we're done, Zeke helps me saddle Stepper and then does his horse. Uncle Jack comes over and tells us that Zeke and I will be moving the herd to the river and holding them there until almost noon. He and Zack will wake up and meet us there. Then we will be moving the herd to cross the river to the west pasture.

"What about my friends? I don't want to miss them," I say, a little whinier than I meant to.

"You won't. They'll be here this afternoon, and I'll be sending you and the twins back as soon as we get things set up in the west field. You'll have plenty of time to get things ready for them. I have some friends of mine coming in a few hours to help me with the herd so you boys can have fun this afternoon and until they leave tomorrow."

Uncle Jack walks over and playfully smacks my butt, making me dance a little.

"Ready screamer?"

"Uncle Jack don't call me that, it's embarrassing," I tell him as he picks me up by my waist and sets me on the saddle.

Once in the saddle, I'm fiddling with my stirrups when Uncle pulls out the back of my jeans and looks at my butt crack, making me shout, "Hey!" at the intrusion.

"AJ, are you wearing underwear?" Uncle asks me, and my blushing cheeks answer him. "Come on, get off and get some underwear on."

"Do I have to? Zeke's not wearing any," I point out, as if that alone is reason enough to not wear any.

"I never wear any," Zeke says as he gets into his saddle.

Uncle thinks for a minute and then pulls me off my horse with a sigh. He aims me at where I have my backpack and smacks my bottom again, but it is a little more than a playful smack like he previously gave me. My hand quickly goes to my butt and starts to rub at the sting.

"No talkback. Without underwear your little boy parts will be all raw by noon. Then you'd be hurting. Good luck explaining to your friends why you walk all bow-legged because your little balls hurt. And hurry up, you're cutting into my beauty sleep."

I sniff, fighting the urge to cry. I'm not sure if it's because of the sting from the smack on my bottom or because I must wear underwear. I take off my pants and pull on a pair of Batman briefs, then pull my pants back on while Uncle Jack just glares at me. He once again picks me up by my waist and sets me back in my saddle. Getting my feet in the stirrups, I give a little kick and follow Zeke towards the west field.

Moving the herd is fun. Zeke depends on me a little more than Zack did when we were on watch, and I didn't let him down. The pain I'm in is way easier to hide from Zeke than it is from Zack. Zack looks for it, and Zeke acts like he has no clue.

Truth be told, I did have to fake a need to poop so I could go behind a tree and suffer through an episode of `the shakes.' They didn't last long, and I used a dead log to climb back onto Stepper without help from Zeke. I'm not stopping now.

The herd is set, and we are both in our places, keeping them pushed up against the river. They don't want anything to do with crossing the river, so we only have to keep them from going back or farther down.

I see Zeke yawning across the herd, and I yawn because of it. I yell over to him, "Didn't you sleep well last night?"

"I never sleep well when we're running cattle. I'm always listening for animals messing with the herd or the horses."

Thoughts begin to swirl around my head, "Does that happen often?"

"Sometimes," he yells back with a shrug of his shoulders. He must have noticed my concern and added, "… but don't worry, that's why Uncle Jack and both of us have these," and he pulled out a 22 rifle from under his saddle.

"Cool, I didn't know you guys had those. Can I learn to shoot one too?"

"That's up to Uncle. You should ask him," he says shoving the weapon back into its holster under his saddle. "Hey, where is that awesome new teddy bear?"

"I left it in the sleeping bag to keep Zack company while he sleeps," I replied, blushing.

Time moves on, and I pass the time by solving a puzzle cube. After every solution, I look around and make sure everything is OK while I mix it back up. Soon Uncle Jack and Zack arrive, and we begin to move the cattle across the river. No wonder he had us wait. This isn't easy.

I have to use my rope, and after a few misses I manage to rope the calf that had roamed downstream instead of crossing. Wrapping the rope around my saddle horn, as Uncle taught me, Stepper helps pull the calf across the river's rushing water back to dry land. Everyone is very proud of me, and I think I'm proud of myself too. I can't change the smile I have on my face, no how.

We get off the horses for a short break. As I coil up my rope, I get a fist bump from Zeke and a hug from Zack and Uncle.

"OK, we're all set here. You boys hurry back and clean up the camping area, and I mean clean. Lay out the rest of the sleeping bags and make sure everything is in its place. If you need to wash up do it quickly.

"After the other boys are here," he pauses for dramatic effect. "…no naked bottoms. No sleeping nude, no swimming nude — your mother is bringing you a suit AJ.

"And no messing around. I'm looking at you, screamer." I blush and look at Zack who giggles at me. "I better not see one willy or stiffy for twenty-four hours. Got it?"

Then, to make sure we all understand that we have been warned, he tells us what will happen.

"Don't make me spank your bare butt in front of your friends."

We all promise, and he gives us all hugs. He picks me up, and sets me on Stepper. Then, one by one, we all take off to head back to camp

Chapter Text

AJ

We come out of the deep part of the lake, and we shiver a little as we begin to soap up our bodies. Zack offers to wash my back and I accept, hoping that it might turn into a little play-action. Zeke squats in front of me, and I begin to wash his back. I can feel Zack's hands gliding up and down my back. Each time they get lower and lower, until I feel his finger slide in my butt crack all the way down, and he tickles my young ball sack. I lean a little towards him and a moan slips out.

"Hey! What's going on back there? No fooling around, remember?" Zeke reminds us both.

Zack's finger hooks up into my butt hole; up to the second knuckle. I lift myself on my toes and his hand holds me steady. He leans in and I can feel his hot breath in my ear. Zack whispers something in my ear to make me smile.

"You think it will be OK?"

I wince, then exhale in bliss as he finds my boy button.

"Hey Zeke, I have your shoulders done. Stand up so I can finish your back."

Zeke stands up and begins to wash under his armpits, and I wash his lower back, then lower my hands to his butt cheeks. At first, I think he's going to slap my hands away, but he changes his mind. Maybe he wants me to keep going.

I take my middle finger and slide it up and down his crack, and I can barely hear a moan that says I'm in the right spot. Once I get to his hole, I rub it like Zack did mine and then slip my finger all the way in. Zeke rises on his toes just like I did, and he takes a couple of steps back. I'm afraid he's going to fall on me, but Zack's arm reaches out and catches him.

For about ten minutes or so, we three just probe each other. I've never been in a boy's butt before. It's hot and slippery. It feels odd when the muscles move on their own.

I find Zeke's boy button not long after Zack finds mine. The two of us are making a racket, and I learn how to use that button to make Zack feel really good the next time we get to play around. Zack tells me that is how he made me feel so good last night.

Soon our fun is over, and we start to get dressed, but now a game of `smack ass' has started, and everyone is trying to smack each other's butt. The twins are really smacking each other like they're trying to make each other cry. Maybe the whippings from Uncle have made them numb to being spanked.

The slaps on my butt are nothing more than love taps, and it's starting to bother me.

"Hey! I'm your brother too, aren't I? Come on, smack me," and I present my butt to Zeke. I'm not going to be able to persuade Zack, so I have to ask Zeke.

Zeke looks at his brother, and Zack just shakes his head.

"Oh, come on. One good one isn't going to kill him," he says with a smirk.

"This is going to hurt, little man. Are you sure you want a good big boy smack?"

"Don't do it, Zeke."

"Yeah, do it. I can do anything you guys can do. I'm a big boy too."

I hear the air moving around his hand first, like a switch or a whiffle bat makes when you swing it hard. His hand connects, and it lifts me off my feet. All the air in my lungs is pushed out and I have nothing to scream with. My hands go to my butt, and I dance around.

"Oh God! Oh God! Hissss- jeasss. God, that hurts! Damn! Mother fucker!"

The twins witness my onslaught of cuss words that I know but never use while I dance around like an idiot. What was I thinking?

Then the unexpected happens. The sting in my butt hits my spine and quickly travels to my head. The world begins to spin, and my right leg moves forward to catch myself from falling over. I make an unbalanced run for the bushes, and once there, I throw up my breakfast.

The twins are arguing behind me about how hard Zeke smacked me. I finish and wipe my mouth the best I can, and return to the lake to wash it better.

"You OK, little bro?" The two asked at the same time. They always talk as one when they're nervous.

I give a little wave as I rinse my mouth out of puke and spit it back into the lake. I keep washing my face to cover up my tears.

That was way harder than I've ever been hit. I'm afraid it's going to sting all day. Looking at my hands, they shake in front of me as they've been doing all morning. I'm determined to make it until my birthday, but I'm beginning to get that feeling that my `shakes' are only getting worse.

Zack comes over to me and helps me dress. I grip my fist as tight as I can to hold off the shaking so he can't see it. I don't need him to dress me, but it feels good to let him do it.

"Hey, we need to talk," Zack says while he works on my belt. "About last night…"

"I know what you're going to ask," I interrupt him and lay a hand on his cheek. "After my first experience with having sex, I thought it would feel like that every time for me. Last night, you were not only caring, loving, gentle — you only thought about me, and if you were hurting me. Well, you didn't, and you showed me that if someone loves you deeply, then sex can be special and feel great."

Zack kisses me on the forehead, and says with tears in his eyes, "Thank you, little one. I will always love you."

Then he gives me the teddy bear and asks, "What are you going to name him?"

"I'm thinking Max," I say, and Zack smiles and nods his agreement.

Zeke moseys over and apologizes for smacking my butt so hard.

"No, I asked you to. Soon I'll be big enough, and I'll be able to take it and laugh it off like you guys, but now I guess I'm too little."

There might be a little sorrow in my voice, but it isn't planned. It gets me a hug from each twin though, and a kiss on the mouth from Zack. He's such a good kisser.

Once we're done `sucking face', as Zeke puts it, we fix the fire, and the twins gather firewood and stack it next to the food wagon. While they're doing that, I set the sleeping bags next to each of the lawn chairs around the fire.

Soon after I get that done, we hear hollering coming from the west field. The three of us know what that means, and the twins mount their horses. I put Max in my saddle bag,

then climb the hitching post and swing over to the saddle on Stepper. I'm not as fast as the twins, but Stepper is way faster than their horses, and I catch up pretty quickly.

We don't have to go far to see the six horses coming towards us. I can see the riders — Chet, Brian with Alex behind him, Cory, Tommy, Ryder with Michael behind him, and Craig with Lucas behind him.

We meet up with all of our lunch table friends and three of my friends from third grade.

"Hey guys, welcome to Docker Estate. That's cool you brought your own horses."

"Your uncle said it was OK, and that way you could show off your new present," says Chet as he looks over my horse. "She's a beauty!"

"So, all of you can ride, right?" Zeke asks, and gets head nods from those of us holding reins and Michael, even though he doesn't have a horse to ride. He takes a quick count of hands, then gallops back to the food wagon.

"This is so cool, AJ. Thanks so much for inviting me," says Alex with the cutest smile.

I smile at everyone and tell them, "I'm glad you all could come. We've got a lot of fun planned and maybe a little cowboying," I say, and I laugh at my joke.

Zeke gets back, and he has two spear things with seven little flags Velcroed to the bottom of each one.

"This is a Native American game my father taught us before we lost him."

Suddenly he takes off like a race car and rides out about fifty yards or so. He plunges the spear into the ground so that the bottom and the flags are up in the air. Riding back to us, he plunges the other one at our feet. "OK riders, you need to have your passengers slide off. We will share horses, so everyone who wants a turn can have one. You start over there and ride to this spear and take a colored flag. There are six, one for each horse, so only take one. The flag at the bottom is double points, but be careful; it's pretty far to lean. Don't fall off your horse.

"If you miss your flag, you must come back to the group and take a `Truth or Dare" turn. If you've never played before, don't worry; there are rules our Uncle Jack told me to follow so no one gets hurt. I've been told my dares sometimes get out of hand."

"Are you kidding?" shouts Brian. "I still have that scar on my leg from the 'run through the thicket naked' dare." Everyone laughs.

The game is fun, and we all get practice runs so we know what we have to do before the game starts. All the boys do well; only a few miss, including me.

The other two boys picked `Truth' and Zeke asks them embarrassing questions like, `How much do you jack off a day?' and `Who else do you play sex games with, give names?' That last question was to Lucas, one of Zeke's friends, and I could tell Zeke already knew the answer.

"Aw, come on, Zeke," whines Lucas.

"You picked `Truth'. It's not my fault," he replies, already starting to laugh.

Lucas takes a deep breath and then says, "This is so embarrassing, I have five brothers, and it's kind of a brother tradition to always do what the older one says, even if it's… you know."

"You have to say it," Zeke reminds him. I'm hanging on every word, if I'm guessing correctly from the way he's stalling.

"Ugh… well, we all have sex a lot and suck cock. It's not a gay thing, it's a brother thing. If you don't have brothers, you might not understand."

The twins proudly say at the same time, "We understand!" And everyone begins to laugh, including Lucas.

For my miss, I picked "Dare." No one had picked it yet, and I thought it couldn't be worse than being smacked on the butt like at the lake. The twins talk it over for a while before Zeke says, "Well, what I would love to make you do, Uncle Jack would tan both our hides in front of everyone," which gets a loud laugh from everyone.

"So instead of embarrassing you or making you do something crazy…" he walks up to me, helps me down from Stepper, and whispers in my ear. The warm air from him talking begins to give me a stiffy, and I put my hand in my pocket to hold it down. He's doing this on purpose.

"I want you to kiss Zack like you did last night. If it's not what I saw last night, you'll have to start over."

I turn and look at the other kids and then at Zack. He's giving me the it's OK nod. As I walk over to him, I watch the other friends and wonder how many of them will still be my friends after they see this kiss. After this, there's no hiding it, I'm gay. I don't know much about being gay, but my dad used to tell me I had no choice. He made me gay so he could use me.

As I walk up to Zack, he whispers, "It's OK, AJ, you're among friends."

He tilts his head and closes his eyes as he leans in. I close my eyes and anticipate the warm touch of my lover's lips. The wait is almost more than I can bear, and then we touch. His kiss is so passionate and intimate that I totally forget that I'm being stared at by seven other boys. All there is is Zack's lips and tongue, and how he shares them with me.

Zack breaks the kiss and I lean in for more, but he sets me down and messes up my hair.

"That's enough for now," he whispers in my ear, and the crowd of boys all cheer and laugh.

I return to the group of boys for fist bumps and back pats. The pats on my back set pain spikes in my spine and I wince every time. I look at Zack with a worried look, and he just watches me. He kind of looks upset.

Zeke grabs everyone's attention, "OK, OK, listen up. To honor the best kisser in the world's birthday, we will be playing the next game in the lake!" Everyone cheers out loud. He waves his hands to get everyone's attention again.

"Unfortunately, we're not allowed to go skinny dipping today. I'm not getting a whipping for you lot." Mostly the lunch table boys moan and then laugh at the thought of Zeke getting spanked. I'm starting to understand that the lunch table boys are way closer than I first thought. I wonder how close?

My third-grade friends just look lost and are laughing when everyone else is.

"We're all boys, so just go to your bags and change into your suits. Sorry, they don't call it the open range for nothing."

"Oh, AJ," Craig says as we move to the chairs, "when we were at your house on the way here, your mom gave me this bag of dessert bars to give to your Uncle for everyone. And here's a swimsuit for you."

I thank him, and we go to our sleeping bags. All the boys, including the twins and me, just drop their pants and go about putting on our swimsuits. A couple of the third-grade boys turn so their butts are toward the group and quickly put their suits on. Once that's over, we all run to the beach where there are ten balls, each one a different color and about the size of a bowling ball.

As the boys gather around, Zack speaks.

"This game is easy. Each of us will have a color. The balls will be floating in the middle of the lake, and on, `Go' we all will swim out there and get our color ball. The bigger white one is the safe ball, but it sinks, so good luck finding it."

Zach assigns us each a color as Zeke gathers the balls in a box, and then he slowly swims with it out to the middle of the lake. We all watch intently as he swims carefully so as not to cause any waves. When he gets to the middle of the lake, he flips the box upside down on the surface and waits for the ripples to smooth out again. Then he slowly sinks the box and himself into the lake, and later appears on the other side of the lake, heading away from the beach.

The small lake ripples move the balls a little this way and that. It's in watching the balls being wiggles back and forth by the small ripples in the lake that the true difficulty of the game becomes apparent.

"Oh, crap! No way!" I began to say.

Zack stops me and says, "Quiet, please! The last two to get back to the beach get a `Truth or Dare' turn — unless you have the white ball, then you're safe."

My mind begins to go over all the possibilities for where the balls will float after six crazy teenagers and four pre-teens run into the lake. It will be chaos.

The trick to this is… the white ball.

"Go!"

Everyone rushes into the lake like I figured, but not me. I only go as far as I can dive. I get kicked a few times, and I don't find it on my first try, but on my second I end up running right into it. It's heavy, like this might be a bowling ball.

Once I have it in my hands, the only thing I can do is walk along the bottom of the lake. It's full of weeds and sticks from trees; after a few feet, I have to bob up for some air and then quickly go back down to get it again.

Up on the surface, everyone is swimming towards their ball, but the ripples they are making just keep pushing their ball away. I see a couple of the kids on the beach with their ball already, but I still have plenty of time.

It must be a fifteen-pound ball. It being in the water helps a little, but the lake floor makes this difficult. I end up bobbing up and down for air four more times. By the time I get to the sand, everyone has their ball and is on the beach. But it doesn't matter, because I got the white one.

I let it land on the sand with a thud.

"That…. that was… really heavy," and everyone gets a good laugh, including me.

"Yeah, I would think so," says Zack as he picks it up with two hands, "It's a seventeen-pound bowling ball." He drops it into the box with the other balls and clears his throat.

"OK, the last three are AJ, Tommy, and Zeke, but AJ has the white ball, so he's safe. So, the next person issssssss… Zeke!"

Everyone is patting him on the back, and he's pushing them back playfully, then dives for me and puts me in a headlock, then gives me a noogie.

"OK, OK, I lost. I pick Dare!" shouts Zeke as he lets me go. I rub my head and scowl at him. Noogies sound fun, but they aren't.

Zack comes up to me and whispers something in my ear, and then we both look at Zeke and whisper back and forth again.

"Remember the rules guys, no nudity and no stiffies," Some kids moan sorrowfully at that statement, and some just laugh.

Zack nudges me, and I speak as loud as I can.

"I dare you to use the rope swing and do a back flip, and keep trying until you get one right."

Everyone cheers and gets excited to see someone use the rope swing. Zeke just looks at me and then at Zack and nods his head in respect. Then he climbs halfway up the tree and unhooks the rope.

He stands there for a little while as he collects his thoughts.

"You want to see a back flip?" he yells, to which the crowd of boys responds in a chant.

"Do it… do it… do it… do it…"

Zeke takes a deep breath and then runs off the branch. He falls to the lake, but the rope catches the slack, and he is propelled up into the air. At its highest point, he lets go and does three back flips, smashing into the water in a seated position, flipping us all off with both hands. He's so funny.

Tommy picks `Truth'. Zack gives it some thought, then breaks into a cheeky grin.

"How far have you and Sarah Clumes gotten?"

Tommy just blushes and responds, "Come on dude, pick something else."

Zack stands firm. "My boyfriend and I were just outed to those of you that didn't already know or hadn't guessed. I think you can tell us how far you've gotten. And remember, I already know, so tell the truth."

Tommy thinks about his words, then looks at me and then at Zack.

"I've been finger-fucking her for weeks, trying to get her to open up to me. She's still too nervous about doing it. She thinks it will hurt."

Little conversations are exchanged back and forth among my friends, and some pat him on the back.

Collecting my courage, I make my way to Tommy and pull him to the side. I don't know him that well, but Zeke really likes him, so I guess I can trust him.

"Look," I say, really close to his ear. Don't tell anybody, but I think you should know if you're trying to have sex with her. It will hurt her in the beginning. But if she can take it, it embarrassingly begins to feel good. So just be careful in the beginning, and do it like you understand she'll be in pain."

His look is quizzical when he asks, "AJ, how do you know this?"

I look down at the ground and then away to make sure no one can hear me. Zack's watchful eye is always on me, but he gives me space to tell my secrets.

"Because…" I say, turning back to him. "Because I was… um, please don't tell. Promise me."

"Of course, I won't tell. We're lunch table boys, right?" And he pats my back and gives me a fist bump.

I return his fist bump. I mean, it would be rude if I didn't, right?

"Because I was raped a year ago. And I know it hurt like hell for about five or ten minutes. But after that, either the pain had me numb enough, or maybe I just gave in, but it did start feeling good. But after it was over, it was even worse. So, just be gentle and go slow, or you'll hurt her like I was hurt."

The confession and warning shocks Tommy, and he just nods his head. Then he hugs me. That catches me off guard, but I soon recover and return his hug.

We go on to play a couple of silly games that Zack and Zeke thought up, but the `Truth and Dares' turns this time are pretty lame.

By the time we're done with the games, Uncle Jack is in the camp making hamburgers and sliced potatoes over the campfire. All of us boys gather around and are chatting and playing grab ass or whatever. While we eat, Uncle Jack speaks to the group.

"I'm not sure if any of you work or own a cattle farm and have done this before, but this evening we have to lead fifty head of cattle across the river and down to the north field for grazing until morning, when we'll run them home. Who has done cattle work before? Show of hands." We count three of the nine.

"OK. Well, if you want to join us, then talk to me after I'm done. The rest of you, if you want to go, you're more than welcome to mount up and come with us. You'll be safe, and you'll be in the back, but you can see how it's done."

Everyone chooses to come, so some of us are doubled up on horseback. Not me, my saddle is too small, and others have been doing it for so long they can protect the passenger. We get all geared up because it's getting cold out here as night falls.

I'm given one of Zack's old riding coats. It's about twelve inches longer than I am tall, but when I'm on the horse it covers my feet and keeps them warm, so no complaints from me. With my cowboy hat on, I look like Billy the Kid and feel like him too. I wonder if Uncle Jack can persuade Mom to let me have my own pistol? Probably not.

Anyway, Uncle says I get to be upfront with him because it's my birthday, and I get to drive the herd. It's hard work, but I sure have a lot of fun roping and pulling steers this way and that way.

Uncle is always there, helping me and showing me how to do what he asks. I think I like this more than running cattle. With so many of us doing it, we get the cattle across the river with minimal issues and across the west field and into the north one for the night.

It feels cool to have my friends see me do these big-boy things. Maybe I won't be treated as a little kid as much anymore. The sun has sunk below the horizon, and most of the kids are around the campfire. But I'm not. I'm sitting on Stepper's back, watching the cattle like a real cowboy. Zack is at my side, like he's been all day. On the other side of the field, Uncle and his two friends talk and watch their areas for strays.

"Still got Max?"

I pat my saddle bag with my hand and tell him with a smile, "Of course. I'll always keep him close."

Suddenly the steers began to stir. "What's going on?" I ask, as Zack pulls his rifle out of the holster and cocks it.

"Something has spooked the cattle." He steers his horse around the bend to look at the woods.

Sitting here, I feel a little scared, so I stand up in my stirrups and wave at Uncle Jack until I get his attention. When I see him stand up in his stirrups, I point to the section of cattle that is moving about. Uncle takes one of his friends, and together they ride slowly straight into the herd.

I remain standing while I look for Zack. Without warning, wolves come out from inside the herd and attack Stepper. The herd goes crazy, and half of it splits and heads north, with Uncle and his friends right behind it. He must not have seen the wolves.

The rest of the herd begins to run in a circle, and as that circle expands, Stepper and I get sucked into it. If you know anything about running herds of cattle, being in the middle of them is bad because they don't care who or what they run into. It's like running into traffic and then standing still.

Stepper is doing his best and I'm holding on as well as I can, but eventually he falls, and I come down flat on my back. I know something is wrong as soon as I hit the ground. It feels like my spine has lit every nerve ending in my body like a bomb's fuse. When the pain hits, it's like nothing I can even describe. I begin shaking so badly that I can't see straight and I can't sit up. I can't move, and there's a copper taste in my mouth.

Where is Zack?

Zack

The steers began to stir. "What's going on?" AJ asks, as I pull my rifle out of the holster and cock it.

"Something has spooked the cattle." I steer my horse around the bend to look at the woods.

When I get to the bend I don't see anything, so I grab my flashlight from a saddle bag and shine it all around. Slipping off my horse, I squat down to shine the light under the steer's legs to see if I can see anything in the herd. For a glimpse — I'm not even sure I saw it — I think I see the back of a wolf.

I run to my horse and yell for my brother.

"Zeke!" I hike my leg over my saddle as I see the herd begin to circle.

"Oh this is bad! Zeke!"

My horse prances back and I spin him around to move him out of the way when I see the herd swallow up Stepper. I can already see AJ is in trouble.

I snap my reins and force my horse into the herd. It's like trying to drive a bumper car straight. My horse is bumped, pushed, and thrown to the side, but with enough incentive, I slide off the saddle just in time to see two wolves dragging AJ by a pant leg. He's shaking and I'm not even sure if he's alive. Can't think about that now.

I quickly shoot the first one three times and it goes down. I run at AJ and the last one dragging him lets go and spins to growl at me and bare his teeth. I pop off two more rounds. One misses and the other one hits it in the shoulder.

I'm in swinging distance, and the butt of my rifle connects with the wolf, knocking it aside.

I lean down and quickly look at AJ. He's in bad shape and he won't look at me. I'm not sure he's looking at anything.

"Stay with me, little bro! Come on, you can do it, Stay with me! Don't you…"

I'm suddenly struck in the shoulder, sending me rolling over AJ and my rifle skidding from my hand. Rolling over, I swing my cowboy boot and it connects with the wolf's head, knocking it aside.

I lunge for my rifle and cock a new bullet in the chamber as two wolves grab hold of my leg and begin to pull me away from AJ. I empty the rifle into their faces dropping them both.

I try to stand, and my left leg collapses. I can see tears in it, with blood coming out.

"Damn it!" I look around to get my bearings.

I crawl over to AJ and cover his shaking body with mine. I don't see any wolves but that doesn't mean they're not there.

Low growls and yips begin to come at me from all sides. Slipping through the darkness, the ghost eyes of the wolves reflect the light of the moon, warning of a pack attack. All I can do is hold AJ near me.

A sharp pain in my head makes me wince. The thought of a rifle spinning through the air comes to my mind; out of pure reaction, my arm reaches over my head and my brother's 22 lands in my hand.

His horse leaps from the darkness, over me and AJ, and lands with a thud. He spins, throwing dirt and grass all over us as the horse attacks the wolves. Some of them take advantage of this distraction and dart for our legs again. Four shots ring out, and there's a crack over a wolf's head with the butt of the rifle. I look behind us to see Zeke's head on a swivel, watching for more of them.

I take this moment to check on AJ's leg. It looks as bad as mine. I take his belt off and wrap it as tightly as I can around his hip. Then I do the same for my leg. When I'm done Zeke slides off the saddle in mid-gallop and lands on his knees up next to me.

"What can I do!"

"Find my horse! AJ has medicine in the saddle bags. He's dead if we don't find it!"

"Dead?!" Yells my brother, just realizing how messed up AJ is.

I use his rifle for support to stand and whistle for my horse.

"Night Runner!"

I whistle again. Zeke does the same, and both Night Runner and Stepper show up out of the darkness. Zeke runs to Night Runner and goes through the saddle bags until he sees the black box with the white plus sign on it.

I get down to AJ while Zeke is looking for the box and wipe my tears away.

"Hey! AJ! Do you hear me, you hold on! Don't you leave me!"

I turn him over and pull his pants down so I can get to one cheek. Zeke brings the kit and I take the syringe and the little bottle. Filling the syringe is hard — I'm shaking so bad, and I can barely see with my eyes filled with tears. I get it full, and I plunge it into his butt cheek and push the plunger down. With that done, I toss the syringe and yank up his pants.

"Come on, we have to get him on Stepper. I'll take him to the house. You go get the phone from camp and call 911 for help at the house. Stepper is the fastest horse we have; he'll have to make it with both of us."

Together, we hike AJ up on the saddle and I scream out when we have to hike me up with my wounded leg. I check AJ and he seems a little loose, not as rigid as before. I'm not sure if that's a good sign or not. Zeke slaps Stepper hard on the hip and we take off towards the house.

"AJ, you stay with me! Don't you leave me! I've got you. Can you feel me?" I have one arm around his chest holding on for dear life, and the other one has the reins, trying to get the horse to increase its speed. "It's me, little bro. Don't leave me, please," and I kiss his ear.

20 minutes later

We come flying around the barns and the ambulance is just pulling up. The lights change everything around them to red and white. I can hear Stepper begin to slide on the dirt drive and I pull back to slow him down.

"Hey! Help me here please, help!"

They quickly pull the gurney from the ambulance and start rolling it in our direction. Stepper comes to a stop. Mrs. Docker is there and she looks like she's been crying for a while now. I lower AJ off the saddle into the paramedics' arms; and Mrs. Docker sees my left leg and she helps me down also.

Before she leads me to the ambulance, I reach for the saddle bag and get Max. A paramedic rushes to me with a small red bag and I wave her off.

"No, help AJ. Keep my boyfriend alive."

I don't realize how beat I am until Mrs. Docker helps me to the ambulance. Someone gets me inside and they lay me on a stretcher. Mrs. Docker climbs in; the door is closed, and we're on our way to the hospital.

"We did it," I hear myself say softly. I reach across the way to AJ's stretcher, place the teddy bear under the strap around his chest, and hold his hand.

"You hang on, you hear me? I love you, don't leave me."

I can't tell if he's hearing me. Suddenly I hear the sound that will haunt my nightmares.

beep beep… beep beep… beep beep…

A paramedic is looking at my shoulder, which I guess was either bitten or hurt in the fall, and at my leg, which I know is messed up. I don't know if it's blood loss or if someone has given me a shot, but things begin to get cloudy. It's hard to see AJ, and then… everything goes black.

*

beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep…

My eyes flutter open and I squint at the bright lights. Only one thought goes through my mind.

Where is AJ?

I lift my head and look around. I'm in a hospital gown, and my left shoulder and bicep are wrapped, as is my left leg. IV lines and some other kind of tube are hooked into my forearm.

Looking out into the room I see Uncle Jack and Zeke sleeping in very uncomfortable chairs next to me, and to my right in the next bed is AJ.

He looks terrible. My bottom lip starts to quiver, and tears begin to flow.

"AJ… AJ, can you hear me?"

He has so many tubes going into each arm, wired sensors are on his chest, and he's in some kind of contraption that has him sitting up. His back is bare, and it has tubes that are apparently going into his spine.

"AJ. Can you hear me?"

beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep…

"Zack!" shouts Zeke. His eyes are wide with concern. Uncle stirs and opens his eyes.

He grabs a hand. "Man, you lost so much blood, I had to give you some. I was so worried you weren't going to wake up."

I turn and show my sorrowful face to my brother, and he begins to break down. From the look in his eyes and the dirty tear tracks on his cheeks, he's been crying for a while.

"AJ… is AJ OK?"

Zeke tries to talk but can't seem to get the words out.

Uncle Jack comes up and lays a hand on mine, and tells me how glad he is I'm awake. But he doesn't answer the question.

A doctor comes in and he tells me about what's going on with me, but honestly, I'm not paying attention.

"How's my friend? How's AJ?"

The doctor looks grim and lays a hand on my shoulder, "We're doing what we can."

My tears blind me. I pull the covers over my head and hide from the world.

beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep…

After some time, all the talking has stopped. I don't know how long it's been.

I push back the covers. AJ has been removed from the harness and is lying on his side. No one else is in the room.

I crawl out of my bed and pull what I'm connected to with me so I can get to AJ. The new teddy bear, Max, is sitting on the nightstand with some flowers and a floating balloon. I take Max, pull the covers back, and lay next to him, putting the bear between us. I wipe my tears. I need to be strong for AJ.

"AJ, are you there? Can you hear me?" I plead, to no response.

"Please AJ, wake up. Don't leave me."

We lay together until I don't think I have any tears left. So, I just lay my arm around him and fall asleep.

beep beep… beep beep… beep beep… beep beep…

I wake up and I'm inches from AJ's face. I can hear the doctor talking to Mrs. Docker.

beep beep……     beep beep……    beep beep……    beep beep……

Mrs. Docker begins to scream, and she falls into Uncle Jack's arms. He begins to cry.

Beep  beep………………..beep  beep……………….beep   beep……………….

I lean in and kiss AJ on the lips. They're cold and motionless. I begin to sob and beg AJ not to leave me.

"Please don't go. I need you, you're my boyfriend, my lover, and my soulmate. I can't live without you."

Very slowly his eyes open and those emeralds stare into my soul.

He whispers to me, "I'll always be with you."

And then, as slowly as they opened, his eyelids limply close.

My tears begin to fall, and I wrap his arm around Max and kiss him softly.

Beep   beep……………………beep   beep…………………..beep………

….beeeeeeeeeeeeep

Chapter Text

Zack

Twenty-three steps down to the second floor of the Docker Estate.

I have been counting them every morning and every night for two weeks. I come down and head to the bathroom holding Max, the teddy bear I gave AJ for his birthday. I knock on the door and get no answer. I don't hear the shower going, so I enter the empty bathroom and lock the door. I set Max on the vanity, pull my dick out of my boxers, and begin to relieve myself.

I yawn and close my eyes; I see flashes of wolves lunging for me and AJ, and I rip my eyes open. My body flinches, and I pee all over the toilet. My head whips back and forth, and I realize I'm in the bathroom. I take a deep breath and remind myself I'm safe.

Then look down at my mess and sigh.

Damn it, Zack. Why can't you stop being a pussy!

At least I missed the plaster cast on my leg this time. One of those fucking wolves cracked my shin bone, and then I made it worse by riding Stepper like I did getting AJ back to the house.

But I would have done it all over again. And this time I'd make that horse gallop faster. Or maybe I could have moved faster. Maybe… maybe I could have…

I wipe my tears from my eyes and remind myself, again, to stop being a pussy.

I place my dick back in my boxers and get the paper towels and the cleaner out from under the sink. After cleaning up my mess, I put the cleaning stuff back where I found it and stare at myself in the mirror. I look like shit. I can't sleep. I just spend all night counting the stars above AJ's bed.

When I do fall asleep, I'm haunted by the ghost eyes from that night, staring at me in the darkness… or Mrs. Docker and Uncle Jack yelling at me for letting AJ…

The last part is too hard to think about; I mostly wake up then anyway.

My family moved into the basement last week, but Mrs. Docker has been very nice and lets me sleep in AJ's bed. But I don't sleep. I close my eyes and I see that night from two weeks ago. The night is so dark, and white ghost-like monsters stalk me and AJ. I shake my head to clear it.

You're safe. You're not losing your mind.

I'm starting to doubt that last part.

Taking Max by the arm, I unlock the door and head down the stairs, almost bumping into Lana. She ruffles my hair and enters the bathroom without breaking contact with her iPhone. I count the thud my cast makes — twenty-five times, as I go down the steps.

Coming into the kitchen, I take AJ's bar stool and lay Max on the bar. Climbing on the stool, I lay my head on the bar next to Max, so I can stare into his button eyes. Mrs. Docker is cleaning dishes from everyone else's breakfast. It's ten in the morning, and I've been allowed to sleep in these past two weeks… for reasons you should already know.

She notices me at the bar and comes over and kisses me on the cheek. "Look who's up finally. How did you sleep, honey?" she asks as she gets stuff out to make my breakfast.

"You don't have to make breakfast for me, I don't deserve it," I mumble and yawn. That last part is distorted by the yawn. I find that my fingers subconsciously have already begun to count the notches on the bar, so I focus on that.

"Don't be silly," she tells me, like she does every morning when I say that.

As I count, I get relaxed and I close my eyes to a sudden flash of white fangs and glowing white eyes. I scream, waking myself up, and lose my balance on the bar stool, falling to the floor.

"Oh, honey!"

Mrs. Docker hurries over and checks on me. "What happened, Zack?" she asks while helping me up. She knows what happened. She's only being polite.

"I'm good, I just lost my balance — thanks to this fucking cast!" I cuss, before I can stop my mouth. She untangles my legs from the chair, then she gives me a look as if I should be careful what I say, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't scold me.

I kind of wish she would.

I wish she hated me.

Maybe she'll tell Uncle Jack, and he'll whip me.

I wish someone would punish me for what I did to AJ. And for what I couldn't do.

They're being so nice to me. I'm not sure how much more I can take it.

She walks back to the stove to prepare my breakfast plate while I climb back onto AJ's stool.

"OK, honey, after you're done eating, you need to go get dressed. I'm giving you three hours to do something fun. I don't want you moping around in AJ's room all day anymore. So, go walk around the farm and look for something to do. Then we'll head off to see Doctor Ford, and then to the hospital to get that leg looked at."

I audibly sigh in disappointment as she sits my plate down in front of me and combs her hand through my hair.

With a smile, she says, "It won't be that bad, Zack. Doctor Ford was a huge help with AJ, and she can help you with your nightmares. Please, do this for me. It took me forever to talk your uncle into this, and I just don't think I have the energy to fight with you."

I nod my head in defeat, and she moves my hair out of the way to kiss my forehead as I eat my breakfast slowly. It's strange that she's been treating me so… motherly, but it's nice to have a mother again.

All finished, I yawn deeply, and with droopy eyes, I get up to put my dishes in the sink and slowly head back to our room. I tell Mrs. Docker, "Thanks for breakfast, Mom." Then I start counting stairs on my way up to AJ's room. There are twenty-five stairs and forty-six balusters.

I turn the corner in our room and my hand subconsciously reaches out, sliding down the balusters on the wall on my way to the bed. I've counted them so many times it's a moot point, but for some reason, I can't walk past them without counting them. It's like the stairs — I know how many there are, but counting them is somehow soothing. It's hard to explain, but for that short time it takes for me to count them, that's time I'm not thinking about… AJ.

I know what Mrs. Docker told me to do, but I can't help myself. I collapse on the bed and wrap myself in the blankets, fighting the doubts and continued second-guessing that have plagued me for two weeks. After about thirty minutes — I may have fallen asleep — footsteps coming up the stairs cause me to sit up.

Zeke walks into the room and stops to watch me. The comforter is wrapped half-assed around me and covers part of my face. He sighs and sits next to me. I lean over to him and my body sinks into his lap. His hands cradle my head as we sit there as if we were still little kids. After our parents died, this is how Zeke got me to fall asleep. To this day, I still don't understand how he isn't an emotional wreck like I am when things go bad. I guess I'm just the unlucky one.

"Zack, I'm so sorry."

His voice cracks, and he has to swallow a few times to gain control. Sometimes it's hard to remember that he's in as much pain as I am from missing AJ, but is affected by my feelings as well. I begin to cry, and he just holds me.

"Mrs. Docker says I need to get you dressed and outside. How about a 4-wheeler ride? Then maybe some hoops until it's time for you to go."

I sit up and wipe my eyes and nose. I nod a little and get up to get dressed. I dress warm, and Zeke helps me with my stupid cast.

Once we reach the barn, I hop on one foot next to the 4-wheeler while he gets it started. He takes my crutches and slips them into the rifle holster on the side and ties them down. Zeke helps me get on and makes sure I'm good to go, then takes off. I lay my head on his back, and we leave a cloud of dust as we head out to the pastures. I hug him tight, and he lets go of the handlebar with his left hand, laying it on mine. I know he understands what I'm going through, and I try to enjoy the ride.

Zeke avoids the campgrounds and the skinny dipping hole on purpose and heads to the trails that lead down the river and to the outskirts of the property. The river is pretty down this way and it speeds up a lot. We were never allowed to swim down here because it's dangerous.

He leaves me on the 4-wheeler and goes to open the gate to the fall hay field. It will be cut in a few weeks, but now it'll serve as a great area to race around in. We'll probably get in trouble, but we both need to let off a little steam, so hopefully it'll be OK with Uncle.

Normally, one of us gets on the front shelf that hangs above the tires while the other one drives like a bat out of hell through the hay, but my sitting on the back will have to do. It is fun, and I begin to laugh at how terrible Zeke is driving, I'm sure it's on purpose.

And then — suddenly without warning — I think, wouldn't AJ love this.

It's crazy how easily he slips in and dominates my thoughts. I sit back on the seat, and a flood of indecision triggers a panic attack. I wildly tap on Zeke's shoulder, and he stops the 4-wheeler.

"What? What's wrong?" He asks, concerned that he might have done something.

I spin around so that I'm sitting backward on the seat and, most importantly, I don't have to look him in the eye. I grip the seat as I listen to myself heave for air. Zeke begins to rub my back and, after a little time, I calm down. My heart quits trying to beat itself out of my chest, and I lean back against his back for support. His strong frame doesn't budge, and I lean my head on his shoulder, looking at the sky. It's really blue today, with the perfect amount of clouds to cause little islands of shade on the ground that move with the wind.

"It's all my fault," I whisper to Zeke and the sky.

"I don't believe that, and neither does anyone else," he says as he keeps the engine running.

"Then why do I feel so bad? I can't even think about him without falling apart. I can't shake it, and it feels like I never will."

He shuts off the 4-wheeler and says, "I can't answer that. Maybe you should talk to the shrink lady like Mrs. Docker and Uncle want you to, instead of just fucking around when you're there."

It's a little harsh. I first think that he's picking a fight, but after giving it some thought, I just think it's Zeke's way of being direct.

"Yeah, maybe. I just don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to feel like this. I want to stop crying every time I think of him or that night."

We sit here on this 4-wheeler for a long time without exchanging a word, just using the support we have for one another to keep us upright. He begins to shift around, and I can tell he's going to start the engine, so I spin around and hold onto him again. He turns towards me with tears falling slowly down his cheek.

"I, for one, am very proud of how you acted that night. I could have never done that."

With one swift motion, he starts it and drives off, leaving me with a lot to think about.

We shoot hoops for a little while, me mostly making 3-point shots while leaning on the 4-wheeler and him juking through a make-believe team of the finest players for a lay-up. Soon Mrs. Docker pulls up to us, and Zeke helps me into the front seat and gives me a fist bump.

"Remember what I said."

I give him a nod and close the door.

As we pull out of the driveway, Mrs. Docker taps my leg and asks me if I had fun today. I nod give her a fake smile and tell her it was a good idea to go take a 4-wheeler ride. She proceeds to go on and on about how me and my brother are good together. That we don't get to spend as much time as we used to, and how Zeke misses me. I stare out the window as she talks, and I don't care if it's rude or not, but I'm not paying attention.

The car ride is uneventful. The radio is off, and I don't have the energy to reach over to turn it on, or the will to ask her to do it, so I watch the open fields. My eyes are lulled closed by the rhythmic sounds of the tires on the road. I think she is trying to give me time to nap before my appointment with Doctor Ford. She doesn't understand what waits for me on the other side.

My fingers move from black bead to black bead on Max's chest. Seven… eight… nine… ten… eleven… Every bump, notch, divot, crooked seam, and imperfection are brought to light under my fingertips. For every bead that turns, the combination changes, and then, so does the number of beads. There are so many more than eighteen beads on this bear, and a tear falls as I learn a little more about my boyfriend that I didn't know until now.

*

The door chime goes off when Mrs. Docker walks into the therapist's offices. She holds the door open for me to maneuver my crutches through the door. Max swings in my hand as I try to hold onto him and the crutches at the same time.

"Honey, would you like me to hold — "

Jerking the bear away without thought, my crutch begins to fall until she catches it for me.

"Don't! I have him," I insist with an angered outburst. Her eyes are filled with pity and that only increases my shame.

"I'm sorry…" I mumble softly as I take the crutch from her and finish stumbling into the office's waiting room. It's amazing to me how much that word doesn't cover, yet there isn't another word that represents the shame and guilt I feel. For now, I just don't feel I can say `I'm sorry' enough.

Doctor Ford comes out and greets me. "Hello Zack, I'm glad you're here," she says politely and motions me to the back office. She waits patiently for me to stumble my way into the room. I sit down, and I lay my crutches on the floor. I pull Max close while she sits down.

"So, are you going to talk to me today?" she says, as she lays her hands in her lap.

"I've been talking to you," I counter.

"No, you are polite with me. I want you to talk to me, Zack. Tell me about that night," she instructs.

My eyes fill with tears, and I open my mouth to say something, but the words don't dare come out because of the threat of reliving that night. "I just… can't," I whisper, barely audible.

She frowns, and I can tell she is rethinking.

"Tell me about the games you played that day."

"The games?" I blink. "What about them? Uh… they were all fun. Uncle laid down some rules that kind of stopped them from getting to be too much fun, but we had fun anyway. Ha! Even AJ won… one…"

My voice trails off as guilt and regret overtake me.

"See, you can talk about that day. Expand on that and tell me more. What game did AJ win? Tell me how to play it."

Doctor Ford spends thirty minutes watching me tell what little of the story I can without including AJ. I always get to the same point in the story, and she sees me tear myself into a blubbering mess. She decides to take a different path.

"Zack," she says, handing me a new box of tissues. I take it and use like four of them.

"Zack, what is the first thing that pops into your head when I say… Football."

I collect myself first, then whimper, "Sport."

"A firefighter saving a boy."

"A hero."

"OK good. They're going to be a little harder from now on. Remember, just the first thing you think of."

She takes a deep breath and then says, "…Wolf."

"…teeth," I whisper, and I hold Max as tightly as I can. I use his ears to wipe the tears that just won't stop falling.

"Zack — "

"Irresponsible," I answer too quickly to realize my name wasn't part of the game,

She's startled by my answer. She writes something and thinks about what direction her little game is going to go now.

"You're doing great Zack. Just one more. Don't think, just answer. … AJ"

I just can't say it at first. My voice squeaks out, and I swallow hard, and I can feel myself start to lose it. She sits up in her chair and bores her eyes into mine.

"Zack, answer me, please. What is the first thing that comes to mind when I mention AJ to you?"

I sob and look anywhere but into her eyes, and then I mumble, "It's my fault."

My chest is killing me, and my head hurts so bad. I inhale deeply and yell.

"It was all my fault! I noticed the signs that he was sick! I let him lie to me. Why did I do that? I left him by himself! I couldn't get to him fast enough or get him home in time. It's all my fault!"

I'm sure she can't understand most of what I've said, but I go on for about ten more minutes, confessing the part I played in the death of my boyfriend.

And then… she begins to tell me how proud she is of me! 

"What? Did you hear me?" I scream at her and jump up to my feet. "How can you be proud of me? How can you even be nice to me?"

I hobble over to the couch and begin punching the pillows. "Stop being nice to me!" I keep punching until my arm can't take it anymore, and all that is left is me sobbing.

Doctor Ford has come over during this and is guiding me to lie down.

"Lie down, Zach. Try to relax," she says. I collapse, letting my grief and exhaustion overtake me.

*

The next thing I know, I'm wake up to the SUV going over speed bumps. I've been sleeping soundly in the back, and now we're pulling into the hospital parking lot.

The door slides open, and Mrs. Docker looks at me while I sit up rubbing my eyes and yawning. She smiles at me and says, "I'm sorry, honey, but I need you to get up. We're at the hospital."

"How did I get into the car?" I mumble as we try to get my crutches under me.

"I had the nice man next door to Doctor Ford's office help carry you."

"Some stranger carried me like a baby? Aw, come on, couldn't you have woken me up?" I squint.

Mrs. Docker opens the door, and while I ungracefully move myself in.

"Hell no, I wasn't going to wake you. That's the most I've seen you sleep in days."

She smiles at me and then messes up my hair.  But she smooths it out again, too.

My leg doctor visit goes as one would think. He looks at it, makes some bad jokes, orders some X-rays, and then we play the waiting game.

Normally I would be bored and snoop around to entertain myself. But today I'm nervous and jittery. Mrs. Docker watches me fidget in my seat and hop around the room.

I'm counting just about anything I can. Twenty-one tongue sticks, four scissors, three chairs, nineteen cotton balls, and twelve ceiling tiles. All the while, she sits and watches me intently.

After like forty-five minutes, the doctor comes back with a smile, saying it looks like it's doing well, but the cast will stay on for a couple more weeks. He reminds me that I must change the bandages on my shoulder and keep it clean. Mrs. Docker says she will do it herself if she has to. Other than that, we're in and out in record time.

As we make our way down the hall towards the elevator, I come to a halt.

"Mrs. Docker, can we… umm…" Once again the rest of the words get caught in my throat.

She looks at me quizzically and asks, "Are you sure you're up for it?"

I give some thought to what Zeke said, and what Doctor Ford told me, as we stand waiting for the elevator.

"Yeah. I feel I have to."

Chapter Text

Zack

We wait for the elevator door to open, and Mrs. Docker rubs my back. It's so relaxing I almost lose my balance. We exit the elevator and walk down the white halls, but instead of the walls being plain white, they have cartoon characters on them: Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig, Ed, Edd, and Eddy, and the Power Rangers. The nurses see me and greet me with a "Welcome back," and I clumsily give them a wave as I crutch by. I come to a stop at a door that I've stood in front of many times. It's white, of course, and has a blue stripe that circles the door frame. The window is frosted, and it has one of those chrome lever handles.

My breathing begins to go crazy. My breath is so short I think I'm going to pass out. I stumble for a second or two before Mrs. Docker catches me. She turns my sobbing face to her, and she already has tissues in her hand, knowing this isn't going to happen.

"Oh honey, what's wrong? You have had me bring you here every day for two weeks, but you won't go in."

Snot trails from my nose to my mouth and tears flow down my face.

"I'm so sorry for what I did." I collapse in her arms.

"Honey, why are you sorry? You didn't do this to him. He's sick. You saved my son's life, and I will be eternally grateful for your bravery and courage. Just as grateful as I am for the hospital staff who were able to revive him one more time, even though they'd prepared us for the worst. You're my hero as much as his.

"He's been asking about you and when you'll visit. I haven't told him that you come here every day and sit outside his door. You should go in, Zack. He needs you."

"How can I face him? I just left him all alone to fight those wolves by himself."

"You are too hard on yourself. He wasn't alone; he had you and he had Stepper. You did nothing wrong."

I stare at the floor and shake my head.

"How do I make the guilt go away?"

She takes me into her arms and hugs me tightly.

"Well, Zack," she says softly, "it sounds like you need him as well."

She steps in front of me and opens the door for me. I hear my name and I look up to see him for the first time since that night.

AJ

6 Hours earlier

Sun rays beam in from the window, waking me up. I reach behind me to feel for Zack, but he's not there. Sadness washes over me, but not for long because Tina walks in. Tina is my nurse. She makes sure I can do my morning routine without pulling out my IV or stitches. She's really nice, and she has two boys around my age at home.

"Good morning, my little prince." That's what she calls me. It makes me smile and feel good.

"Morning, Tina," I say, with a little sleep still hanging in my voice.

After the first couple of days, the doctors had to drug me because my night terrors would trigger every night with horrific visions of wolves and teeth gashing at me and Zack. I don't know what they give me, and I sure do like a solid sleep, but it makes my mouth taste real bad when I wake up. I guess it's the price I pay for sleeping without wolves.

She comes over and holds up the pee cup.

"Can you make it to the bathroom, or are you going to be lazy?"

"And miss a chance to make you hold my pee? No way," I say with a yawn and an eye rub. But my smile gives me away.

"You'd better get your little dinker in that bathroom, young man, before I tan that hide," she says with a fake anger, and to sell it, she taps my chest with the pee cup until I start laughing. She calls my penis a `dinker,' which is so funny.

She helps me with my blankets and makes sure my IV is clear as I walk really slowly to the bathroom. I pull down my Lego underwear and pull my `dinker' out and begin to pee. The stream is hard and strong, probably due to Michael, my nighttime nurse, sneaking in all those sodas for me to drink.

"Good lord child, how many sodas did Michael bring you?" Tina asks in a joking manner.

I just look up to her and say with a smile, "I'll never tell… I mean, what sodas?"

I shake my penis like Zack showed me and then weakly walk back to the bed with my IV stand. Tina watches me get into bed and then goes back in the bathroom to flush the toilet and get my bath water ready. I pick up the TV remote and turn on cartoons.

Tina comes back with a pan, a towel over her shoulder, soap, and a washcloth. She opens a drawer of the small dresser next to the bed and pulls out another pair of superhero underwear, then sets them next to me.

"Why can't I wear the green boxers?" I whine.

"Little boys your size wear briefs, and besides, I don't want your little stiffy sticking out every time I check up on you. We need to keep that crazy thing contained," she says, and snaps the band on my underwear.

"Ouch," I say, giggling.

"You going to hold still today?" She says while she sets everything up.

I laugh, remembering yesterday.

"I can't help it, it tickles," I say as I try and look around her at the cartoon on the TV.

"That may be so, but today your little butt better be still. If you think I don't know how to wash a boy properly, then you're mistaken."

She lifts my good leg up in the air and runs the soapy washcloth up and down my leg. She even gets the bottom of my foot and in my toes, which gets a few more giggles. She does the other leg more carefully, and then has me pick up my butt so she can remove my Lego underwear off to wash my 'mid-section', as she calls it.

This always feels really good, and sure enough, things get stiff about the time she wipes over my butt hole a few times. I always blush a little, but she doesn't seem to care.

"You think you're the first boy I've had to wash his little bottom?" she'll say, and then she washes around my balls. Lastly, my `dinker.' She just makes a couple of passes up and down the little steel rod. Then puts my clean underwear on.

"Was it good for you?" she says, and then laughs hysterically. I'm not sure what the joke is about, but it always makes me laugh too, and then things calm down for a while.

Once we're done cleaning my face, she hands me my little glasses that she has in her front pocket and a hearing aid. The shakes I had two weeks ago were so bad they hurt my hearing and eyesight.

The doctor could tell I was ignoring the signs of an attack and must have hidden them from my friends. And he told mom. I had to hear how disappointed she was for about a week, and how lucky I was to be in this hospital bed because the whipping I would have gotten would have ended me up here. It sounds a little harsh, but I get the picture. I hid how bad I was from Uncle Jack, Zeke, and worst of all, from Zack. He knew something was up and I was hiding something from him, but he just didn't know what. I hope he doesn't hate me.

"Where is your cool teddy bear?" Tina asks me when she comes back into the room after dumping the wash water.

I smile and blush.

"I sent him home with my mom a few days ago to help my boyfriend sleep."

"Oh honey, you're so cute. Your boyfriend is a lucky kid to have you," she says while taking my blood pressure.

"Yeah, I guess so," I say, and my voice goes quiet.

She finishes recording the reading, and sits on the bed.

"OK, I know that face. Spill it. What did you do?"

"I kind of hid from him how hurt I was, and lied to him about it when he asked me." I look down at the bed. "He must have been so scared when it happened. Do you think he'll hate me when I tell him? He hasn't been to visit me; he might already hate me."

She pats my good leg and says reassuringly, "Cutie, no one can stay mad at this face. He may be disappointed, but he won't be mad."

That makes me smile, and she tickles me a little, then heads off to get the next boy ready for the day.

Mom says that she will be late today. She had some running to do and wouldn't be here till like two or three o'clock. So, I limp over to the shelf and get my bucket of Legos and bring it to my bed. Climbing back into it, I sit on my knees, and begin building my Lego house again.

Zack

AJ looks small.

I know he was small before, but now he looks fragile. He's sitting on the bed in his little superhero underwear, bent over a half-built Lego building of some type. He has a tube that leads to his IV in his left arm. He is wearing a pair of little glasses and has a hearing aid device in his ear. His shoulder and leg are all wrapped up like mine.

He hasn't noticed me yet. I could still leave.

Mrs. Docker must have seen my brain quickly changing its mind, so she says very loudly, "AJ, look who I brought."

AJ turns and looks at me. His mouth drops open, and he leaps off the bed, grabs his IV stand and, as best he can, runs over to me.

He takes me into his arms and doesn't say anything, just holds me. He is hugging me with everything he has in his little arms. Mrs. Docker helps me balance us both and gives AJ time to finish. If she hadn't stepped in, I would have held him for years.

She breaks the hug when I start to sway. They help me over to the bed, and I pull myself up and sit down next to the Lego house. His mom takes it away, and AJ climbs up next to me.

"I missed you so much," he whimpers as he wipes his tears and hugs me.

He reluctantly lets me go and looks me in the eyes and asks, "Why didn't you come sooner?"

He isn't mean or accusing, but it hurts just the same. I stammer with my answer as my shame begins to build up, so I look to Mrs. Docker.

"Honey, Zack wanted to come. He really wanted to, but his injuries have kept him in bed this whole time. He wanted to come see you so much."

I can see it going over in his head, then he just smiles at me and takes Max from my hand.

"Did he help you sleep? I sure have missed him, but you needed him more."

"Yeah of course. It was like having you with me, but smaller. And fuzzier."

AJ lies on my lap, and I rub his back.

"Look, AJ… I just wanted to say…"

My words trail off. He puts his small hand on my leg. My eyes follow AJ's arm up to his smile.

"I love you with all my heart," he says. "I would endure anything to be with you."

He looks up at his mom and blushes, then back to my eyes.

"Well, I could use a cup of coffee," Mrs. Docker says, turning to clean up some snack wrappers and empty drinking cups. "Why don't I bring you two some hot chocolate?"

She stops before leaving to look at us one last time and smiles. Then we're alone.

AJ

Just Before Zack Enters

Shortly after two — I've been watching the clock — I hear my name, and look to the door.

Standing in the doorway is Zack on crutches. I almost fall on my face trying to get off the bed, but I use the IV stand to keep my balance. I move as fast as my legs can go, and I stumble my way to him.

When I get to him, I wrap my arms around him and hold him tight. Tears began to fall from my eyes and soak his shoulder. My mom holds him upright, and I just enjoy the warmth and the safety.

Mom breaks the hug when Zack starts to get unsteady on his feet. We help him over to the bed, and he pulls himself up and sits down next to the Lego house. Mom takes my house away and I climb up next to Zack.

"I missed you so much," I whimper as I wipe my tears and hug him.

I reluctantly let him go and look him in the eyes.

"Why didn't you come sooner?"

Zack stammers a bit and becomes upset. He looks at my mom.

"Honey, Zack wanted to come, he really wanted to, but his injuries have kept him in bed this whole time. He wanted to come see you so much."

I think about my mom's words and decide that makes sense.

I get a chance to really look at my love, and he looks tired and worn. I take Max from his hand.

"You look tired. Did he help you sleep? I sure have missed him, but you needed him more."

"Yeah of course. It was like having you with me, but smaller. And fuzzier."

I lie on Zack's lap, and he rubs my back.

"Look AJ, I just wanted to say…"

His words trail off. I put my hand on his leg; I watch his eyes follow my arm up to my smile.

"I love you with all my heart. I would endure anything to be with you."

I look up at Mom and blush, thinking about the last night I spent with Zack. Then it's back to his eyes.

"Well," Mom says, cleaning up some snack wrappers and drinking cups. "I could use a cup of coffee. Why don't I bring you two some hot chocolate?"

She stops before leaving to look at us once more and smiles. Then we're alone.

"I'm sorry AJ," Zacks whispers to me. "I left your side…"

I interrupt him by putting my hands on his lips.

"No, Zack, I'm sorry. I should have told you I wasn't doing well. I'd been having the shakes since Friday morning, and I hid it from you."

I can tell he's so hurt. I take a deep breath.

"…and I'm so sorry I lied to you about it."

His face changes as he thinks about those days we spent together.

"You lied to me? Even though I asked you not to lie to me again, you still lied to me?"

"I'm so sorry, Zack. I didn't want to have to go home, and maybe to the hospital. It would have ruined your party and my birthday," I plead for him to understand. I reach for his hand.

Zack pulls his hand away from me and looks really upset.

"You died, AJ!" he yells, and turns to me. I flinch as he shouts.

"You died in my arms!"

"Zack… I never meant to…"

He is so mad that I don't know what to do. He looks like he's going to hit me.

Quickly, he wraps me in a tight hug and cries on my shoulder.

"Why would you do that to me, AJ? I thought you loved me."

He sobs for a moment, and then he lets me go and slides off the bed. He picks up his crutches and he begins to leave.

"Where are you going? Zack, don't leave!"

He doesn't stop. He leaves.

"I do love you," I whimper into Max's fur.

Zack

Mrs. Docker walks up and sits next to me on the couch outside AJ's room. She leans over and hands me a cup of hot chocolate.

"It went that well, huh?"

"I don't want to talk about it," I tell her, swirling the liquid around in my cup.

She sighs.

"Zack, that isn't how we do things in this family. Come on, what happened?"

"He lied to me, and I caught him. And I told him not to do it again. It wasn't about stupid stuff — he lied about the most important thing in the world to me.

"I feel so stupid! Why didn't I know? I only want him safe. He lied to me and I trusted him…"

I stand up and shout at the door, hoping he hears me.

"…making it my fault. He… died… on… me!"

My shame and guild wash over me in a total wave.

I look at Mrs. Docker and say, barely audibly, "He left me alone."

Mrs. Docker pulls me back on the couch and hugs me as I pound the chair arm.

"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm not making excuses for him, but remember, he's only nine-years-old. He's been worried sick that you were going to hate him for lying to you."

We break the hug, and she looks at me and smiles.

"Honey, I know it hurts. But you love each other, and with love comes forgiveness."

Mrs. Docker stands and picks up AJ's hot chocolate and leaves me to think.

When the door opens, I can hear him sobbing hysterically, calling my name.

AJ

No! What have I done?

The door opens.

"Zack! Mom?! Mommmm!"

I fall off the bed trying to get to her. and my IV is pulled out. I get up and dive into her arms.

"Oh honey! Look what you've done."

She wraps her strong arms around me and rocks me, and reassures me.

"Shhhh, shhhhh, it'll be OK, AJ. Calm down, honey."

"He hates me! I can't live without him! Mom, we have to go get him. Please help me!"

I'm hysterical. She grabs my bloody arm and shows it to me.

"AJ. listen! You need to get back in bed. Something tells me Zack will be back soon. Now please, get in bed."

She leads me back to my bed and pushes the nurse call button.

Tina appears quickly.

"Oh, good lord! What have you done little one? Tsk tsk…"

She cancels the call button and starts cleaning my arm.

"Does it hurt that much, AJ? Why are you crying so much, dear? Come on, be a big boy."

My mother walks over and holds my other hand.

"He'll be OK. His arm isn't what hurts."

Once she has my attention, she looks over at the door.

Following her eyes, I see Zack standing in the doorway. He sighs and takes a deep breath to calm himself. Crutching his way over to me, he places his hand on my leg.

"Hold still, little bro," he says, and he gives me that loving smile.

I lay down and stare into Zack's striking blue eyes. Everything that is going on and everyone in the room is suddenly unimportant. I only see Zack. My tears slow to a trickle, and I mumble to him.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

One Hour Later

Seven… eight… nine… ten…. eleven ceiling tiles

Fred, my physical therapist, begins to bend my knee.

"Aaarrrgghh!!" I cry out, and grip the sheets tight as the knee bends using those reconnected ligaments and fixed tears.

"Stop! Stop, I can't take it anymore!" I yell out.

Fred lowers my leg and rests it on the table.

"You're doing great, chico. I'm proud of you," he says, and pats my good leg.

"I'll let you rest a little, but I need you to do it once more, OK? Then we're done for today."

Tears begin to fall from my eyes when I think about doing it once more.

"No, I can't. I can't do it once more. Please, can't we be done?"

Fred's face is sympathetic, but he shakes his head just the same.

"I'm sorry, chico. You've worked so hard to get it loosened up. We must push it."

I look over to Zack and he's in the chair beside me. He's got Max in this lap and is trying to figure out one of my Rubik's cubes. His face is all turned slightly, and his tongue is sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. Just the sight of him like this makes me giggle.

Zack notices me watching and blushes a little.

"How do you solve these so fast? I've been at this for over twenty minutes. There must be some kind of trick to it, right?"

"How fast is fast?" asked Fred, suddenly curious about our conversation.

I give a little shrug.

"I'm down to 17.11 seconds on average." He responds with a whistle.

"Zack, my love, I use geometry. That's my secret."

Calling Zack `my love' gets a raised eyebrow from Fred, but he doesn't press the subject.

"OK — one more. Ready?"

Fear takes over my face and I sit up.

"No! I don't want to do it anymore today. I told you, it really hurts!"

Zack reaches over and takes my hand, and gently places his other hand on my chest.

"AJ, this all looks hard, and I know it must hurt like crazy. But you have to do what Fred says. Your mom left me here to make sure you do. If you don't, how does that make me look? Come on, one more. Do it for me."

My eyes shift back and forth between Fred and Zack, then settle on my boyfriend. I let his hand push me back down to the table. I take both of his hands in mine, and I nod to Fred.

I can feel my leg bending and the ligaments being stretched. The pain is excruciating, and even though my tears flow down my cheeks I don't cry out. I can plainly see love in Zack's face, and I promise him that I'll be here for every day of his physical therapy when he gets his cast off.

"Ugh, don't remind me. I mean, sure, I want the cast off as fast as I can, it really itches. But I'm not looking forward to Fred here, pulling and pushing."

Fred looks to Zack and smiles, "It's not so bad, Zack. AJ here can do it; you should be fine."

He puts my knee brace on.

"Well, you're all done for today, chico. You did a great job."

He comes around to my side and scoops me up. He carries me over to the wheelchair that brought me in and the calls the nurse's desk on my floor, telling them I'm done and ready to come back.

Hanging up the phone, he looks at me skeptically and asks, "17.11 seconds. Can I see you do it?"

Zack hands me the cube he's been working on, and as soon as it hits my hands, they go to work. My eyes dart back and forth as my hands struggle to keep up. Flip top right, flip bottom left, turn, turn, turn, I work on it and on the last flip right and I toss it to Fred.

Surprised, he catches it and looks it over.

"Wow, that's asombroso. You're like a little wizard or something."

Exchanging a smile with Zack, he reaches down to give it back.

"You can keep it Fred, I have like ten of them here, and dozens of then at the house."

He thanks me as an aide releases the brakes on my wheelchair and I'm headed back to my room.

Twins

Zeke shoots the basketball and it falls through the net-less hoop. It falls and hits the board at the bottom of the pole, which is propped at an angle to bounce it back to him.

"You're back early today," he says as he catches it.

"Yeah, well AJ has some kinda spine test stuff today," I say while I balance on my crutches. "I think he's going to be OK."

"But you still feel guilty," Zeke says, and turns to look at me, waiting for my response.

"You haven't seen him, Zeke. His eyesight and his hearing are bad, so now he needs glasses and a hearing aid."

"But… I bet he looks really cute with the glasses on," and he tosses me the ball and giggles.

I flash him a smile and catch the ball.

"Yeah, he does. I can't wait for alone time with him," and I return his giggle.

I toss the ball up and it goes into the hoop. "We're hoping he can come home soon. I can't wait for us to sleep together again. I'm still not sleeping well, and I'm hoping it's because he's not in the bed."

Zeke catches the basketball and says, "Well, there's always room in my bed."

I give it some thought for a moment.

"Is it hard that I don't sleep with you anymore?"

"No, are you kidding? No more of your freezing feet on my legs and no more of your little pecker poking me in the butt," he says, then takes a couple jukes forward and does a layup.

"Aw, you do miss me," I tease, and set my crutches on the bench near the farmhouse. I clap my hands together, asking for the ball.

He tosses it to me. I take a three-point shot, and it goes in the hoop and into Zeke's hands.

"I miss your little pecker," he says, shrugging with a smirk. "Don't worry about me, I've been spending a lot of my time with Missy," he says begrudgingly.

My face squints up and looks as if I've just licked a lemon.

"Yuk — dude, what have you two been doing?"

He blushes, and a wave of shame hits me.

"Nothing, man — Mrs. D would kill me. Well… so far she's only asked for me to kiss her."

"Yuk! Dude, you're kissing Missy. What are you thinking? AJ is going to freak. You have to keep it secret."

"You keep this a secret from everyone! No one can know," he says, being very direct.

"Dude, we're gay!"

"Don't you think I know that?" he raises his voice at me, and throws the basketball.

Not exactly understanding him and not willing to push him any further, I pick up my crutches and begin to head back to the house.

"Yuk dude… just yuk." I can hear the basketball bounce down the driveway. "You better not do anything that I can feel," I shout over my shoulder, suffering a full body shudder at the thought.

*

Later that night, after dinner, us kids leave the table and head to the living room to watch the nightly movie. Uncle Jack and Mrs. Docker clear the table of dishes, then head out to the back porch with a bottle of wine. Since we moved in, Uncle Jack, Zeke, and me have been included in the Docker nightly routine.

I fall onto the couch and lay my crutches on the floor. To my surprise, Zeke doesn't sit next to me, he sits next to Missy, and she gives me a smirk.

Yuk.

I stare at him and ask, "Zeke? What are you doing?"

"What? You've got your big old cast on the couch."

Missy takes his hand and he flinches, pulling it away, but she recovers quickly, grabbing it again. Then, as if he can look any more uncomfortable, she lays her head on his shoulder.

"What's wrong Zacky? Do you feel alone?" Missy asks with a sarcastic tone.

"Don't call me that!" I yell at her as I bolt up from the couch. I look over my shoulder outside. Our parents haven't reacted to my outburst, so I quickly calm down.

"I don't know what is going on here, but you'd better cool your jets before AJ gets back," I warn them. Zeke looks pissed, while Missy is enjoying my little tantrum.

"Missy, don't call Zack that. Our mother called him that," my brother said, as if putting his foot down.

She looks bothered for a moment, then smirks at me and lays her head in Zeke's lap.

I can't take anymore, so I pull the blanket off the back of the couch. I wrap it around my shoulders and stumble my way to the porch outside. I slide the door shut, ignoring my brother's requests to come back and watch the movie. Missy is laughing, as if this was all for her entertainment.

"Hey kiddo, where are your crutches?" Uncle Jack asks me, pulling my attention from the confusing scene in the living room.

I stumble past him as I make my way to Mrs. Docker. She makes room for me in her lounge chair, and I lay down in her lap and cuddle up next to her. She looks at Uncle Jack. He smiles and shrugs his shoulders.

"Honey, what's wrong?" She asks me as she rubs her hand through my hair.

"Mrs. Docker… can I call you Mom?"

She looks at Uncle Jack, and he just smiles. Then she holds me tightly and says, "Of course, honey, you can call me whatever you want. I'd be honored if you thought of me that way."

I close my eyes. Not long after that I fall asleep.

AJ

The door to my hospital room opens. I turn away from it and try to make myself stop crying.

"Hey, my little man AJ, how's the party room?" Michael says as he enters.

I can hear him stop just short of my bed as realizes I'm crying. He stands there for a while as I try and get myself under control, but I just can't. I feel so alone. I feel sick, and like I'll never be able to go home.

He lays a hand on my shoulder and begins to turn me around. I resist a little, but don't want to make him mad, so I let him. I must look terrible. I've been crying for hours, and I just can't shake this hopeless feeling.

"Aw, little man, what's wrong?" he asks, sitting on my bed in front of me.

I pull the sheets up to my chest and try to look OK. Suddenly I feel very naked sitting here in my underwear.

"I'm sorry for crying. I'm fine now," I lie to him.

"Hey, it'll be alright. Just tell me, what's wrong?"

He begins to pat the bare leg that isn't covered by the white sheet. I quickly move it back under the covers.

In between shaky breaths I manage to get the words out.

"I… want… to go… home."

"Yeah, I know," he says sympathetically. Then he changes to more of a teasing tone.

"I bet it's hard not sleeping with that hot little boyfriend you have."

But I don't find the way he says it funny. He leans forward to envelop me in a hug.

His touch makes me feel uncomfortable. I'd squirm out, but his grip is tight.

"I've been here for almost a month, and no one will tell me how much longer it'll be," I say as he releases me. I sit back on my bed against the hand rail and hold Max to hide my bare chest and bedsheet-covered crotch.

I use the sheets to wipe my eyes, and Michael gives me the tissue box.

"If it makes you feel better, we can play our game again tonight after lights out."

I hold the sheets a little closer to my face and shake my head.

"No, I'm kind of tired. And I just want to go home."

"From what I hear, you're doing really well, and I wouldn't be surprised if you go home soon," he answers as he checks my IV.

"But when?" I ask as I blow my nose.

"Oh, little buddy, I don't know. But hey, what do you say you hang with me tonight for a few hours?" Michael says, and he gets up and steps over to the dresser in my room.

This sounds innocent enough and it'll get me out of this room. So I admit, I get a little excited.

"What, like seeing the other kids?"

He gets out a pair of pajamas and hands them to me.

"I can't let you roam around the children's floor in your underwear." He takes my IV bag and hooks it on the rod above the wheelchair.

"Well, you can't come if you don't hurry and get dressed." I scamper around putting my pj's on.

I push my way off my bed with Max in hand. Michael picks me up and sets me in the chair.

"Man, I can't wait to leave this room," I tell him as he looks me over.

Michael gives me a little laugh.

"Where did you learn to dress yourself? You can't pick up chicks dressed like that," and he fixes my crooked buttons.

"Just look at your pants, geesh."

He takes a hold of my pants. My heart almost stops and I grip the wheelchair arm rest and hold my eyes shut, expecting this to be a trick. He waits for a few seconds, then gives my pants a jerk, turning them a little, so they're on straight. I have to admit, it does feel a little less tight on my balls.

"There. You look like a million bucks in your little baseball pajamas."

He pushes me out of the room and down the hall. Our first stop is the kitchen, a few floors down via an elevator, and we get a silver cart that has my floor's snacks in it. I got to meet the kitchen people the other day and take a tour of the kitchen — very cool.

We get the cart, and we roll it into the elevator and go back up to the children's floor. When the door opens and we get out, he stops us and kneels down next to me.

"Hey little man, I need to make sure you're ready for this. You're going to meet the other kids on this floor, and I know you're sick, but these other kids really have it rough. Some of these kids will never be allowed to leave."

He lets me think it over, and I say, "Well, I don't want to bother them, so maybe I should…"

"You won't be bothering them. You may be the only visitor they've had all week. They're going to love you. But it wouldn't be right to not tell you about them before I take you into the rooms."

He gets up and begins to push me towards a room next to mine.

"In this room are Jacob and John, and they're twin, eight-year-old boys. They both have lymphoma cancer and it hasn't been going well. Our job tonight is to lift their spirits. So, I'm going to do chores and you are going to be cute and funny, two things I know you're good at."

Michael opens the door to the blaring sound of cartoons, and inside the room there are two boys about my size playing with Legos on a big rug on the floor. They are both hooked up to IVs and in cute little underwear. They hear the door open and when they see Michael, the one in Hulk briefs, hides behind the one wearing Spider-Man.

"Hey you two!" Michael cheerfully greets them, "Look what I brought you. What do you want from the snack cart tonight?"

"Snacks!" They both yell at the same time, and they get up and run towards us.

The one in Hulk underwear stays back a little while the other one runs right up to me. He begins to dig through the bags of chips, cookies, candy, milk, and juice.

"Hi, I'm John and this is Jacob," he says, motioning back to his brother who hasn't taken his eyes off Michael. He brings a milk and some cookies over to his brother and begins to dig through the snacks for himself.

"He's real shy, even though I tell him we don't have time for that."

I say, "I'm shy too. My boyfriend is always trying to make me more talkative."

John stops chewing and asks, "You have a boyfriend? Does that mean you're gay?"

His eyes bore into me. They make me feel very uncomfortable.

"You know what?" Michael jumps in. "AJ here works all day in his room putting together huge Lego sets."

He picks me up and sets me down on the rug next to the Legos.

"Really? How big is your biggest one?" asks John, completely forgetting his previous question. He takes a seat next to me. Jacob hangs back a little and just watches Michael intently.

"5,639 pieces. It's of an Italian stadium."

"Wow, that's big. How long did it take you to build?"

"A few days. My dad is an architect, and I think I got my building skills from him. What are you guys building?"

Jacob sits next to me and the three of us talk and build. For a while I don't even realize that Michael has left with the snack cart, but I see he's left me a juice and some red licorice candy in my wheelchair.

A while passes, and Jacob has long since fallen asleep with his thumb in his mouth. Me and John finish the work on what we're building. I yawn and can feel my head bob up and down as I try and focus myself. John helps me get up, and I'm back in the wheelchair about the time Michael gets back. We watch him walk over and pick Jacob up off the floor and pull his covers back before he lays him in bed, like he's done it a thousand times.

John begins yawning, and Michael walks over and scoops him up. John lays his head on Michael's shoulder as they walk to his bed. I watch from my chair, trying to keep my eyes from closing. Michael takes blood pressure readings from each boy along with their temperature. He slips the thermometer right up each boy's butt. They show a little discomfort, but soon are asleep again. He removes it, records the reading, covers them up, and steps back to my chair and wheels me back to my room.

When we get there, he asks me if I had fun.

"Yeah, they're great guys."

I let out a big yawn. Michael picks me up and transfers me to my bed. He starts to take off my pajamas, and I hurry to do it before he gets to me.

Soon my IV is back where it belongs and my blood pressure is taken. He holds up the thermometer and smiles at me.

"Are you going to put that up my butt, too?" I ask with worry on my face.

"I do it every night. But tonight you're awake," he says, as a matter of fact.

I roll over on my stomach and wait for the entry. He pulls my underwear down and I close my eyes as tightly as I can. His hand is warm when he lays it gently on my butt. He moves it around in a circle as a tear falls onto Max's fur. His fingers spread my butt cheeks apart just a little, then a long, thick object slips in and my body sucks in a lot of air.

"AJ, are you OK?" he asks me with a fake tone of concern, even though I hear him.

"Yes sir," I whimper as his finger begins to pull out my butt.

"You know, it's too bad you're too tired for our game tonight," he whispers, then jams his finger back in as far as he can. I scream into Max's fur as tears pour down my cheeks.

When his finger is pulled out, he pushes the thermometer in quickly and out of my butt with one quick motion. Then he pats my butt as if everything is OK between us.

He doesn't even pull up my Superman briefs. I turn back around, pull up my underwear, pull the bedsheets up to my face, and watch him clean the thermometer. I give him a sour look and he sticks his finger in his mouth, sucking it clean. I'm not sure why, but it seems disgusting, even though I've had Zack's tongue up there before and found it arousing.

"What's with that look? Your cock had fun," he points out to me. Looking down the bed at the obvious tent coming from my crotch, I turn red with embarrassment.

I pull Max down to cover my stiffy.

"I didn't have fun!"

I say it a little more forcefully than I thought I would, but I'm angry. "I said I didn't want to play games tonight! I regret playing the first one!"

Michael comes back over to me.

"Do you think that matters?"

He grabs the blankets tightly in his hands and then tucks them around me so I can't move. In fact, I can barely breathe.

"Good night, AJ. I'm glad you had fun, whether you want to admit it or not."

Then he takes off my glasses and yanks my hearing aid off, hurting my ear.

I struggle to get Max pulled up to my chest as Michael leaves the room. My fingers glide over the seventeen beads that Zack sewed into the teddy bear's chest just for me. I count them, move one, then count them again. I repeat this over and over until I fall asleep on a tear dampened pillow.

Twins

I wake up in Uncle Jack's arms as he's climbing the stairs to the third floor. He lays me in what has become AJ's and my bed. He covers me up and begins to sneak away.

I feel a little braver after asking Mrs. Docker if I could call her Mom, so I take the leap and say softly, "Good night, Dad."

Uncle Jack stops before he leaves the room and just stands there. After a moment I start to freak out a little, but then I hear him say, "Good night, Son. Sleep tight."

I smile and release the air I've been holding onto for the last minute or so. A single tear falls down my cheek, and I feel the sandman come for me for the second time this night.

*

I've slept really well. And by really well, I mean I didn't wake up screaming. My dream still scares the shit out of me.

I sit up in bed and notice my chest is shaking. I take a few deep breaths and get out of bed.

Uncle Jack must have taken my clothes off last night, I realize as I reach inside my boxers to scratch my balls. I take out my hand and smell it.

Whoa, I need a shower after breakfast.

I take clean boxers out of the dresser and toss them on the bed. I remove the dirty ones and examine my body in the full-length mirror. I look real close and can see I'm starting to get hair under my arms, and I think my hair above my dick is getting fuller.

"Zack, honey, get up and come get breakfast," Mom shouts, and I hurry to put on my clean boxers and my shirt. I grab some shorts and hurry down the stairs — as much as a kid with a cast on his leg can.

"I'm up!" I yell down the stairway to the first floor.

From behind me, Mom says, "You don't have to yell."

I spin around and I see her smiling at me. Then her eyes move down to my morning wood as it pokes out my boxers, and I turn multiple shades of red. My hands go to cover my stiff dick.

"Um, sorry. I didn't know you were there."

She smiles some more and finishes folding a bath towel.

"Hurry, before you pee your boxers."

I nod and slip into the bathroom, placing my clean shorts on the vanity, and opening the toilet as I fish my dick out and immediately find some relief.

Ahhh, that feels so much better. I give it a wiggle and then give it a proper shake, and put it back in.

I slip my shorts on and brush my teeth. I sigh and wonder why I brush my teeth; AJ isn't here to kiss. I wish he would come home.

Clumping down the stairs, I take them one at a time and mom comes up behind me. At least I hear her this time. "Morning honey, sorry for scaring you."

"It's OK Mom, I was just lost in my thoughts."

"Missing AJ? We can go see him today. How about it?"

Getting to the bottom, I step aside.

"Can we?"

Mom smiles at me, gives me a nod and messes up my bedhead.

"Of course we can, but first, how about you have some eggs?" She walks around me and heads to the kitchen.

I get to the bar and my crutches are there leaning against it. I pull myself up onto AJ's bar stool, cross my arms on the bar, and rest my head on them while I watch her make my omelet. She looks over her shoulder and smiles at me.

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you, or am I to guess?"

"Have you talked to Uncle Jack today?"

"Sure, this morning over coffee. Why?"

I sigh and think about it.

"I called him Dad last night when he put me to bed. Do you think he's mad at me?"

I find my fingers sliding down the notches and I start counting.

"He was fine last night and this morning. Your uncle is a strong man, but you calling him Dad is going to make him cry every time."

"I don't want to make him cry."

"Well, his tears are from loving you boys so much. I think he wants you to call him Dad. If he doesn't want you to call him Dad, he'll say something."

She places my eggs in front of me with a bagel and a glass of orange juice.

I poke at them with my fork while she watches me for a minute, and then combs my hair with her fingers. I lean into her hand and she hugs me.

Suddenly Uncle Jack walks in and grabs his coffee thermos from the counter.

"I forgot this," he says cheerfully, and turns to leave.

"You two need to talk," Mom says. She leans over and kisses Jack on the cheek, and hurries out of the kitchen, leaving us both looking a little uncomfortable.

"OK… uh, is there something you want to talk about?" he asks while he closes the door.

I fiddle with my eggs a little.

"Ummm… last night, when I, uh… called you Dad?"

I look up at him with worry across my face.

"Was that… OK?"

Jack sighs and puts his coffee thermos back on the counter. He comes over to me and I slide off the bar stool so I can stand for my spanking or whatever yelling he plans on giving.

But he embraces me. The hug lasts a while, and I wiggle my arms free and return his hug.

"I've been waiting seven years for one of you to ask that question. I've always treated you two as if you were my own sons, and the only piece I felt I couldn't earn was you boys calling me Dad."

My tears begin to fall and my voice cracks when I explain, "We didn't want to remind you of our dad because it made you sad, so we've been avoiding it, trying hard not to bring up old memories."

Dad kneels down to look me in the eye and wipes my tears away.

"Every time I look into either of your eyes I see my brother. And I wouldn't have it any other way. He lives on through my looks for you boys, and you boys for me. If he was able to talk to us he would tell you to call me Dad. He would tell me to love you with all my heart, and I do."

He wraps me up in another of his strong hugs and then stands up and messes up my hair. He grabs his coffee thermos and heads out the door, but not before giving me one last smile.

Gateway Academy, Montana

My dream is interrupted by a noise. I know what it is, but my mind prefers to stay in the dream. Suddenly, a pillow flies across the room and smacks me in the head.

"OK! OK!" I yell to the other three boys in my room, and they respond, "Shhhhhh."

I work myself over to the desk and pick up my phone. It says 11 p.m.

"Damn, I've only been asleep for an hour. Shit! Who is this?" I snap at the fool calling me at this hour.

"Oh. Sorry sir… Yes sir, I still want to come home for fall break. … Conditions? Yes sir. I'll do anything."

I set the cell phone on the desk. From across the room, the senior in the room is sitting up in his bed.

"Your punishment will come tomorrow morning, Eighth Year."

It'll be worth it. I'm coming home, AJ. Cya soon.

Chapter Text

AJ

1 Month Later

Tina walks into my room and covers her eyes with her hand.

"Boys! Boys! Boys! Let's not do that here!"

My tongue leaves Zack's mouth, and I look deep into his royal blue eyes. My smile is met with his, and I giggle while he licks what's left of me off his lips. Without losing eye contact, I apologize to her.

"I'm sorry Tina, it's just been so long since we've been alone. Besides, it's just a kiss."

Tina smirks and gives me an "uh-huh" and walks over, quoting, "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."

"Who said that, Tina?" Zack asks.

"…and what does `super-fles' mean?" I ask.

Tina tickles my stomach with one of her long fingers and educates us, "An actress by the name of Ingrid Bergman said it. And it's `superfluous', cutie. It means `unnecessary'."

She begins my morning routine while Zack listens to me recite the quote to him with only the slightest space between our lips. My third recital is interrupted when Tina asks, "Is it OK for Zack to be here? You know how the morning routine goes."

I look at Zack's confused face and give him a cheeky smile. I give her a nod and blush. She sighs.

"OK, if you say so."

She takes my blood pressure and my pulse while Zack holds my other hand. Tina heads to the bathroom, but stops at the door.

"Are you sure, AJ?"

I give her a nod again, and she rolls her eyes as she goes inside.

Zack checks to see if we're alone and then whispers, "What's going to happen now?"

I give him a cheeky grin and kiss him on the lips real fast.

"It's a surprise," I say softly.

Tina comes back with the wash pail, the wash cloth, and soap. Zack begins to get the picture and smiles at me. Tina is not going to have this, and asks Zack to sit over on the couch. I giggle at him as he looks disappointed and goes to sit down.

Tina gives me `the eye' and does her normal head wag.

"You know, I should tell your momma."

I giggle and plead, "No, come on! Don't tell on me."

Tina pulls my good leg up and I lay down laughing. She washes both my legs and then goes to the dresser and pulls out my Avenger briefs. She pulls my underwear off, setting them in the dirty clothes hamper.

Zack stands up trying to see my boy bits, and I spread my legs a little. Tina eyes Zack and laughs.

"Sit down, you horn dog. My lord, you boys will be the death of me," and she turns to me and washes my 'middle parts.' She even spanks my butt when she lifts my legs, making me laugh even harder.

She slips my briefs on and sets my legs down. She then washes my upper half and takes the water to the bathroom.

Zack hops up and rushes to my bed and whispers.

"That was so hot! When you get to come home, I promise to do this to you all the time."

He reaches for my neck and brings me to his lips, and we kiss deeply.

Over Zack's shoulder, I can see Tina leave the bathroom and head to the door.

"When you all need this `private time', put the `Please Knock First' sign on the door."

Before she leaves, she puts the sign on the doorknob and says, shaking her head, "Nothing but kissing, OK?"

We giggle into each other's mouths, and I give her a little wave. She shuts the door and Zack whispers into my ear.

"Now let's get you naked."

About an hour later, and after five dry orgasms for me, there is a knock on the door, and we wrestle to get my underwear back on over my knee brace. Zack pulls them up just in time before Mom walks in, and we both giggle.

"Why do I think I just interrupted something?"

I blush and hide my face with Max. "Mom!" I squeal.

"Zack, honey, we need to go. It's time to get that cast off."

"OK, Mom," Zack says, and reaches for his crutches.

I lean over to get close to Zack. "Did you call my mom 'Mom'?"

"I'll explain later. Don't worry about it. I love you."

He leans into my face and kisses me real quick.

Zack

Mom stands by the door and rubs my head as I crutch past her. Then I hold the door as she goes over and gives AJ a kiss. Mom and AJ talk about something, and his face becomes upset, and she hugs him tightly. Then she heads my way and sees the concern on my face. We get into the hall and head to the elevator.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

She looks down at me and I can see her tears. Now I'm getting upset.

"AJ has to stay for a bit longer."

"What? Why?"

"Honey, I'm so sorry. The doctors think they see something, and they need more time to make sure he'll be OK to come home."

"What? What did they find? Is he OK? What's wrong with AJ?"

She holds me tightly and tries to calm me down.

"Listen to me! Zack, he's going to be OK. Honey, I'm so sorry you have to share our family's trauma. You are going to have to trust me; AJ is a strong little kid and he'll get through this."

She cries on my shoulder; we ride the elevator up and down a few times until we both calm down.

We get to the doctor, and he removes my cast. X-rays are taken, and they decide that I need a walking cast. It's a smaller one, and I won't need to use crutches anymore. With this cast, I can start physical therapy.

That's great news, but all I can think about is being away from my AJ. The doctor jokes around while he wraps my leg, and I just blankly stare into the ceiling, counting. Mom covers for me, but the doctor knows something is wrong.

On the way out, we pass AJ's room without going in. Mom says we said our goodbyes and don't have time to go in to say it again. We get to the nurse's station down the hall, and mom stops to talk with his doctor. She leaves me sitting by myself on a couch. Looking down the hall, I can see AJ's room at the very end. It's only like twenty yards away, but might as well be a mile. I force myself not to look at it, and I begin counting floor tiles.

Suddenly alarms go off and over the PA I hear `CODE BLUE! WE HAVE A CODE BLUE, ROOM 210.' Nurses and doctors start running towards AJ's room.

My heart almost explodes and I take off, following them. I'm doing my best, but without my crutches and being on a new lighter cast, I just can't seem to get the rhythm down. I'm clumsy and unstable. A nurse comes out of the room next to me right in my blind spot and knocks me down.

"Sorry, kid," he says as he helps me up and continues towards the nurses' station. I stand there while everything is going crazy. Soon I get my bearings back and move again in the direction of AJ's room.

As I get closer, I notice that all of the hospital personnel are entering and leaving the room next to AJ's. Relief slams into me, dropping me on all fours.

I realize how scared I was to lose him again, and I just cry. I can't stop myself. I'm wailing so hard I can't breathe. A pair of arms wrap around me and pick me up to my feet. I turn and hug them as hard as I can as I fight for my air.

"Good lord Zack, what's wrong with you?"

It's Tina and she pulls me to the side, out of the way and onto a couch, and I hold her tight.

I struggle to get the words to come out.

"Tell… tell me he's…he's OK!"

"Oh Zack, he's fine. AJ is just fine. I'll take you there."

We get up and she opens the door. AJ sits up. I run as best as I can to him, and hug him tight.

"What's wrong Zack? Tina, what's going on?"

"I'm so glad you're OK. Don't leave me AJ, please don't leave me again!"

He's very confused and is looking to Tina for an explanation, but soon we are joined by our mom. I can't help myself, I'm inconsolable and weeping.

"Zack honey… he's alright."

I turn around and bury my head on her shoulder. She rubs my back as I cry uncontrollably, mumbling, "Don't die AJ, please don't die."

"Am I going to die?! Is that why I can't go home?!" AJ screams. His eyes fly back and forth from his mom to Tina and back again.

"Am I going to die?!"

Mom lets me go and hurries to him.

"No AJ, no… you're going to be fine, honey. Zack is just scared, he thought the doctors were running to your room. You're going to be fine."

She rubs his back and calms him down.

I stand up. Tina hugs me, and I let her.

"Can I stay the night here, please?" I ask looking into her eyes.

"Well, we can have one person stay overnight, but your mom has to approve it. You'll need an overnight pass," she says, looking to AJ's mom. Then her eyes shift to Zack.

"And you will have to be on your best behavior. We aren't a babysitter service here."

I think she's joking, but it's hard to tell sometimes with Tina.

AJ

My panting is only matched by Zack's. His sweaty body lies behind me, and he has my good leg in the air. His penis is just getting soft and it exits me with a pop. He pulls my head around to him and we kiss passionately. Zack lays my leg gently down on the bed.

"AJ, I needed this private time with you so badly," Zack says softly in my face as he looks deeply into my eyes.

I smile, licking what's left of his first cum off my face, "I've missed our time together. But we better hurry, Michael will be here soon for my vitals."

"Remember to clench your butt or we'll have a mess."

I slip off the bed and pinch my butt cheeks together as I make my way to the bathroom with my IV stand.

Zack is right behind me. I can hear his cast on the floor. Then he giggles at me.

"You look funny holding your butt together with your hand," and he spanks my butt cheek. I hop and a half fart escapes and blows some of his cum on my leg and the floor.

I turn and look at him.

"Don't! I can't hold it in and I'm making a mess."

I was going to add, `It's your fault I have to walk this way; I have two loads of your cum,' but when I see his penis, I start laughing.

As we enter the bathroom, he asks, "What's so funny?"

"Look at your penis!" I laugh as I sit down on the toilet.

Zack closes the door most of the way and looks down at his penis and whines, "Oh man, your shit is on my dick. That's not funny."

"Yes it is," I answer him, and let out the loudest fart as Zack's cum shoots out of my butt. We both began laughing.

Zack searches the vanity for any type of rag or soap. But he stops to laugh with me as I toot again and more shoots out.

"Oooo, it's dripping out of my butt. It feels weird," and I giggle because it tickles.

Without warning, the bathroom's door opens and Michael's confused look kills our laughing fits. Then I let my last couple toots slip out. "What are you two doing?" Zack has covers his poopy penis with his hands, and I am just trying to look as small as I can. He moves Zack's hands, seeing his penis. "Hmm… OK boys, let's get you cleaned up. You both stink like sex and poop."

Michael is suspiciously nice and gentle with us.

"OK," he says to Zack, "first things first. Let's get you cleaned up."

He sits on the shower stool and works to get the leg brace off Zack's leg.

"There, and since you're already naked, why don't you just hop in the shower?"

He helps Zack to step in, but when Zack reaches for the shower curtain, Michael stops him.

"No need for that. We're all friends here, right?"

He watches Zack wash himself slowly, and his hand rests on my shoulder and rubs around my neck and chest. It's cold and clammy, and when he grips my neck, I wince quietly.

"Little man, you sit there until I get back. Try to finish whatever it is you're doing, and don't move off that toilet."

I can feel my body begin to shake and I respond, "Yes sir."

He picks up a towel and some cleaner, and he moves from the room towards the mess I left on the floor.

This is the worst case scenario. Michael is going to make us play games.

Zack is looking very uncomfortable.

"Hey, does he always treat you like this? Don't you think he's being a little pervy?"

I look at him and am about to apologize for getting him into this mess when Michael says from the other room, "No talking. Just finish what you're doing."

Zack watches the door and whispers to me.

"I don't know, AJ, I don't like the way he looks at me, and how he's touching you."

Michael comes back about the time Zack finishes his shower. He puts a small box on the vanity, and then he heads towards Zack. He takes a big towel from the rack, turns off the water and begins to dry him off. I can tell Zack's uncomfortable with having a man dry him after a shower. He looks at me and his face is yelling for help.

I shake my head and sign `I'm sorry, it's going to get worse.'

Michael pulls the towel away, and Zack's hard four-and-a-half-inch [12 cm]penis pulses up and down. His hands quickly move to cover it as his ears turn red.

Michael's eyes go from his penis to his blue eyes.

"Young man, please go get your underwear on."

Zack hurries out.

As for me, Michael stares at me for an uncomfortably long time with an evil grin.

"Michael, please don't…" I plead softly as tears slowly fall from my eyes.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to give you a shower tonight, but you need one now. Are you done tooting?"

Embarrassed, I nod my head and Michael helps me off the toilet and into the shower. He takes my leg brace off and pulls the shower stool over for me to sit on.

"Having sex without me here to watch and protect you was foolish," he tells me as he turns on the water. He stands back a little and watches me get soaked.

With water streaming down my face, I look up to him.

"I'm sorry, we kind of lost control. I wasn't thinking. Please, I don't want to play games tonight. I'll ask next time, if that's what you want. Just please don't do anything to Zack."

"How noble of you," Michael says sarcastically as he turns off the water, soaps up a rag, and begins gently washing me. He quickly washes my upper body, legs, and hair. He has me stand and use the handle on the wall to steady myself. Then slowly and gently washes my penis, balls, and under my balls. My mind slides from being uncomfortable to being scared.

The way he's rubbing me, it doesn't take long for me to get hard.

"Um, Michael… I think it's clean," I whisper so that Zack can't hear. My breath quickens and becomes shallow. Michael's face shows a small eerie smile as he reads my facial features.

I beg him again in a lustful whisper.

"Michael, please stop."

"Oh, sorry," he says, disappointedly.

"Turn around, let's get that bottom of yours clean."

I reluctantly turn around. I can tell something isn't right.

He tells me to bend over and put my chest on the stool. I do it, and I hold my eyes shut as I feel the rag swirl around my butt, cleaning the outside of it. When it's over, I feel his hand slide down my crack till it gets to my butt hole. A single tear drops from my eye and glides down my cheek. I know what is next. His finger circles my hole and pushes lightly on my opening, teasing it.

Michael leans over me and whispers softly in my ear.

"Wow, your boyfriend out there must have really been plowing you. Your little brown star is loose. I bet my cock would just slip inside you."

I hold on to the stool for dear life, thinking about how much this is going to hurt.

"What do you say, little slut? Do you want a man cock?"

"Excuse me?"

It's Zack, poking his head inside the bathroom.

"How much longer will this take?"

Michael stands up and pulls his hand from my bottom.

"Stand up, little man, let's get you rinsed off."

He turns on the water and I quickly sit down and cover my penis up. Zack makes eye contact with me, and I look away, ashamed.

Michael turns and glares at Zack, telling him to go sit down. Reluctantly, he leaves the doorway.

I'm rinsed off quickly. Michael wraps me up in a towel, drying me off roughly until he gets to my stiffy and bottom, and then he begins to slowly feel around me. He pinches the tip of my penis, making me flinch and breathe deeply in pain. Then he begins to jack me off real slowly.

At the same time, he slips two fingers from under the towel and they go up my but thole to the first knuckle.

"Please stop," I whimper. "Don't do this."

Michael lowers his head and applies more pressure to my hole. The second knuckle of both fingers slips in, making me grunt loudly.

"So let's make a deal. Next time you two do anything, I will come and watch the door to protect you. In return, I get to watch that young hunk of yours ram his cock into you."

Michael's smile gets more evil and he sinks the full length of his two fingers all the way into my butt.

"Deal?"

By this time, I'm up on the tip toes of my good leg and my bad one is hovering over the tiled floor. Both my hands have a death grip on his shoulders, and tears fall to my chest as I grimace from the pain ripping through my bottom. His eyes search my face, like he's enjoying what he sees there. I try not to look at him and try looking anywhere else, until I see Zack standing in the doorway.

"Hey! What do you think you are doing?!"

Michael's fingers quickly retract, dropping me hard on the tile floor, making me grunt and flinch as I fall. He pulls me up by one hand and smacks my bottom.

"OK, you two hop into bed. You should have been asleep a while ago," he says, as if nothing is wrong,

I hurry past him and can feel him watching my butt. Zack wraps his arm around my shoulders and leads me to the bed.

He helps me into my green boxers and under the covers. I bury my head into his chest and my body shakes in his arms. Zack lays next to me in the small hospital bed, and holds me tightly.

Michael walks over to us slowly, appearing to love how we look. Zack stares at him with hate in his eyes.

"Get out of here, leave us alone," he says bravely as he covers us both up a little more with the thin hospital blankets.

Michael takes the hint and takes a step back. He tosses Zack a small box with a smirk.

"Remember, if you're fucking that beautiful, tight, tender ass, wear one of those. It's a condom. Do you know how to use one? Do you want me to show you?"

"I can manage! Get out!"

Michael sticks his fingers, the two that were in my butt, in his mouth and licks it clean.

"You know, I think I can taste you on here too, Zack. Remember our deal, AJ. Good night, kids."

It's not a good night. I think I fell asleep a little here and there, but I always woke up with a shudder or a yelp.

Zack remains vigilant. Every time my nightmare wakes me, he's there holding me tightly and staring at the door.

Zack

Tina comes into the room and sees AJ sleeping in my arms. The look in my eyes must be an indication that something has happened.

"What's wrong, Zack?"

I watch the door until she gets to the bed and lays her hand on the railing. I pull AJ tighter and scoot us away from her. She takes a step back.

"Is Michael gone?" I ask, as my eyes flip from her to the door.

"Yeah, his shift is over. He went home an hour ago."

I release the tension I have been holding all night. I close my eyes and fall asleep.

Two hours later

I let out a huge yawn while sitting in front of some skinny man with thick glasses. He's in a cheap gray suit, and we've been staring at each other for the last thirty minutes. We're in what I'm guessing is his little office. The sign on the door says `Human Resources', whatever that means.

Soon Uncle… I mean, Dad, walks in and removes his coat. He drops it into the chair next to me, and I bolt up to hug him.

"I'm so glad you're here!" I tell him.

He returns the hug.

"What's going on?"

"Well, it seems we have an issue. Your son has accused one of our staff of molestation…"

I interrupt him and fill dad in on what happened to me and AJ last night. Dad looks me in the face and studies my eyes.

"How's AJ?"

"We've separated the boys so we could get their stories independently. This is a serious issue, and I can't risk someone lying. The nurse is with the other boy, waiting on the mother. He has so far refused to talk to our staff."

"Alice and I came together. She's with AJ now. No, he probably won't talk to your staff. It took you a month to win his trust, and by the sound of it, you just lost it."

Dad picks up his coat and mine.

"Let's go. You'll need to be with AJ if he's going to tell us anything."

"That's what I've been saying, but four-eyes here won't listen."

This earns me a slap on the back of my head, but it's totally worth it.

"Sorry," I say, more to Jack than to the sour little man.

We enter AJ's hospital room, and mom has him in her arms. I can tell he's been crying, and when he sees us, he gets down, runs over, and hugs Dad first, then latches onto me.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on?" Mom asks out of frustration. Dad goes over and takes her in his arms and holds her.

"Zack, tell your side please," he asks me very directly.

The Human Resources guy is there along with Tina and some other woman in a suit.

"OK," I say, taking a nervous breath. "Like, how exact do you want the story?"

"Zack…" my dad says, with the hidden threat to stop messing around.

"OK. AJ… um, had the runs, and I was helping him in the bathroom and I got… messy. Then we heard laughter coming from the door, and that's when Michael came in. AJ got really quiet, and I couldn't tell if he was embarrassed or afraid.

"He took off my brace and had me step into the shower. He told AJ to stay on the toilet until I was done. I should have known something was up when he wouldn't let me close the curtain and just stood there and watched me shower.

"Then when I was done, he wanted to towel me off, and I was going to say no, but I looked at AJ, and he signed to me that he was sorry and that it was going to get worse. Then Michael got real pervy with me and spent a lot of time drying my dic… I mean penis. I finally told him I was good, and he told me to go put on some underwear and sit down, so I did that.

"So I'm sitting on the bed thinking about what happened and what AJ signed to me, and I hear him and AJ talking. I hear the shower running, and then it stops. Then I hear AJ say that Michael should stop, and I remembered how he was drying me off, so I got up and snuck over to the doorway. When I got there, AJ was bent over a stool and the perv was washing the inside of AJ's butt crack."

"So, I asked how much longer, and Michael stood up, surprised. He tells me to go back and sit somewhere. I just hang around the door listening, just in case I'm right about Michael. He tells AJ to rinse off, and then shortly after, I hear the water turn off. I can hear movement, and then I hear AJ grunting in pain, so I peeked in.

"I couldn't see what he was doing at first, but I could see AJ's eyes, so I yelled, `What do you think you're doing?' He drops AJ to the floor, down onto the tiles, and I think I saw him pull his fingers out of AJ's bottom.

"Then he pulls AJ up, and once he lets go, AJ runs to me. I get him to the bed and Michael follows, watching us. I put boxers on him and I hold him.

"Then Michael comes over to us and gives me a box of condoms, and then he leaves. I stayed up all night to make sure he didn't come back."

Going over to the bed, I pull the covers back, revealing a box of orange condoms.

"Why would he give you those?" asks the skinny man.

I quickly think of something as mom and dad stare at me, also very interested in what I have to say.

"He said something about AJ's tight, beautiful, fuckable butt, then he licked his fingers… sorry for cursing."

Dad gives me an odd look and then nods.

"Is that what happened, little guy?" the skinny four-eyed man asks quietly. "Can you tell us what Michael did while your friend wasn't in the bathroom?".

AJ pulls his head from my chest and looks at me.

"You have to tell us, little bro, or he'll keep doing this to the other kids."

He lays his head back on my chest and says softly, "He played with my front and back. Then he put his fingers in my bottom."

He starts crying again and whispers, "It hurt real bad."

I wipe the tears from my little boyfriend's eyes and kiss his forehead. "This isn't the first time, is it?"

AJ shakes his head `No.'

The skinny man stands up and looks troubled. The adults all go into the hall to talk. I just hold AJ while he cries.

Gateway Academy

A thick, eight-inch [20 cm] cock is rammed down my throat. The edges of my mouth hurt as it stretches to take his large dick. I choke and hack, and the room senior grabs my hair and pulls my head back, only to jerk it forward again and thrust it back in till my nose smashes against his sweaty brown pubic hair.

"…and that's thirty seconds."

The senior pulls me off and the next roommate, a junior, takes me by my ears and jams his cock into my mouth. His dick isn't more then six inches [15 cm], but he likes it fast. He rabbit fucks my mouth for thirty seconds and then passes me to the last roommate.

He's a freshman, a smaller boy. His cock is about five inches or a little more, and he's a straight up pussy. He's always apologizing to me before he rapes me. The others treat him almost as badly as they treat me. I guess he was the cum dumpster before I got here. He holds his cock in front of me while I recover from the junior.

"What're you doing?" the senior says. "Jam it in. Don't feel bad for him; remember, it's his fault we had to do laps. Please tell me you don't have to be reminded how to get your dick sucked."

The freshman shakes his head no and jams it in my mouth. I gag a little, but he's not as big as the others, so I can take it. He grabs the back of my head and begins forcing me onto it, then looks to the senior for approval. The junior slaps his ass hard, and I mean hard. I almost bite his dick off when he slams it into the back of my throat.

"There's your approval, Fresh," the junior adds, laughing. "Come on, work that little cock."

He's relieved when his thirty seconds is called. The senior grabs me and yanks me off of his little dick and rams his monster cock back down my throat.

He thrusts and pulls, thrusts and pulls. Suddenly he thrusts one more time and hot, thick liquid fills my throat. I fight for air and I'm pretty sure I can feel cum coming out of my nose. His cock pulses and pulses.

I'm nearly passed out when he pulls my head off his dick and holds me up by my hair. Cum is flowing out of my mouth and covering my chest.

"Next time, Eighth-year, either learn to clean your corner of the room right so we don't get dinged at inspection and have to do laps, or learn to swallow better. Because next time you better swallow all my cum." He lets go of my hair and my naked body limply falls to the floor.

"He's all yours. Don't beat him. I better not see any bruises. Just get off and leave him in his bed. I'll tell the Lieutenant he's sick tonight and is skipping dinner."

The senior grabs his shower things and leaves the room.

"Well, since he's on all fours, I call dibs on that big butt." The rabbit fucker gleefully rams his cock in my ass. I begin to yell, but my mouth is reluctantly stuffed with the freshman's little dick.

I don't think about what I did to deserve this. I don't think about how to make sure it doesn't happen again. All I can think about is how much I hate AJ Docker, and that whatever happens to me here at school I will do to AJ. Even if I have to kidnap him and his gay lover. I'll spend my whole two-week vacation fucking that little shit.

Chapter Text

1 Month Later

AJ

The wind whistles by my face. I fling my arms out and close my eyes; it feels like I'm flying.

"Boys! Boys! Slow down!" I hear my mom yell at us and I laugh. The chair is a smooth ride, and Zack is driving it as fast as he can.

Then I feel him slam on the brakes and I have to grab the arm rest to stop myself from tumbling out. My eyes burst open to see the chrome elevator within inches of my foot rest.

"That was so close, little bro!" my boyfriend yells out, and embraces me in a bear hug over my shoulders. My excitement can not be contained, and I'm told repeatedly to stay in the chair as I bounce around. I stand up real quick and hit the elevator button, which earns me a look from Mom, but my innocent look makes the nurses laugh.

Being with him always raises my spirits. I know he's been with me for the last three weeks, but this is different. This time… we're going home!

The parking garage is dark and creepy. The echoes of vehicles moving on different floors adds to the uneasy feeling. The nurses and Zack wait with me while Mom goes and gets the SUV.

The nurses help me into the middle seat, where we get the most privacy. Zack is there waiting for me and helps me get buckled up in this stupid booster seat. One more year until I'm old enough to sit without it no matter how short I am.

The nurses and mom hand off my suitcases, some dirty laundry, some medical stuff for my leg brace and the medicine for my spine injector.

You heard right, I said 'spine injector.' The reason I was at the hospital an extra month was so they could fit me with an injector. It's a little thin box that's taped to the small of my back. Every morning when I take my meds, my mom has to fill the injector with this medicine that pumps into my spine over time during the day. I have to return to the hospital every month for a new injector that they reattach to my back.

Mom drives us back to the farm, and every once in a while, I see her look at us in the rear view mirror and smile. Zack's been holding both of my hands ever since we left the hospital, and we've spent most of our time lip-locked and tongue-tied, if you get my meaning. I giggle a little as his hands move to my rock-hard penis.

"What's going on back there?" Mom asks, causing both of us to giggle.

As we pull up to the house, it takes all three of us to get me and Zack out of the SUV with our gimpy legs. I work myself up the steps with my forearm crutches. I've had a month to practice with them, but not much on stairs.

After I struggle to the top, mom says, "Next time we'll use the back door." There are only three steps onto the deck back there, making it much easier.

I take a breather while Zack, using his cane, works his way up to me.

"Go ahead, AJ, open the door."

That's odd, I think, but I lean forward to open the door. It swings open and I feel Zack's hand on my back, stabilizing me for the…

"SURPRISE!" shouts a room full of kids.

The room is decorated with streamers, balloons, and signs that say, `HAPPY BIRTHDAY AJ!' and `WELCOME HOME AJ'. I'm overtaken by the celebration in front of me, and my smile couldn't be bigger.

Zack kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear, "Happy birthday, lover."

"…but my birthday was two months ago."

Brian is the first of the greeters, and he wraps me in a warm hug.

"Well, you left your last party before it began, so we all agreed to be here when you got home!" he shouts over the music and the talking. I drop my crutches and launch myself into Brian's arms.

Zack is right there holding my back, so I just move one hand to the next in line. I'm so excited they can barely understand me, so I just hug as many as I can. I've never had so many people care about me… like brothers.

"Wow, you look great in glasses!" Craig comments when he gets his hug. "They look like Ben Franklin glasses."

"Sorry, little bro," Zeke says as he gives me the special handshake that only the twins and I know. "They'd only let one of us kids in to see you, and I decided you needed Zack more than me." At the end of the hand shake, he pulls me in for a deep hug. I'm sure I see guilt on his face.

"I know, they told me. But I do need you, too."

All my school friends are here: the lunch table boys, my friends from third grade, and some other boys I've seen at school but don't really know personally. The kids all pat my back and exchange hugs as if they knew the real me. Zack holds me steady.

He's always at my back. He will always hold me up.

Zack

It doesn't take long for AJ to fall asleep in my lap on the couch. He's been running on excitement since he got here, and I figured it would run out as soon as he sat down. The party goes on without him, and they let him sleep.

Zeke and Missy spend most of the time talking; she keeps reaching for his hand, to have it recoiled. Every time he pulls it away, he checks on AJ and me. Each time I give him a dirty look, and Missy laughs at us.

Mom comes over to change the movie and kneels next to the couch.

"AJ, honey, you can't sleep out here. You need to get up and visit with guests, or have Zack take you up stairs." He sits up and I rub his back while he yawns and rubs his eyes.

"I'm sorry, honey. I know it's been a long day. We'll open presents, and Zack will take you upstairs afterwards if you want." AJ nods and answers her with another yawn.

Mom turns off the movie and AJ wobbles to the present table. I follow close behind him.

She has us all sit on the floor, and AJ is in a chair. I hand him a present. He reads the card, and then opens the present. Dad and Mom give him a 22 rifle just like ours. Chet gives him a book on puzzles and a small bag of wire puzzles. He gets a skateboard from Brian that's just like his, and Brian's little brother, who is in the same third grade class as AJ, gives him knee and elbow pads. A really nice rodeo rope and rodeo rope gloves are from Zeke.

When it's my turn, I move myself in front of him, take a deep breath and gaze into those emerald eyes that I first fell in love with. Nervousness overtakes me and I begin to have second thoughts. That's when a small, soft hand takes mine and my eyes find his. The rest of the room disappears. It's just him and me in a gentle void.

I swallow hard and bring out a small box from my pocket and hand it to him. He takes it and my other hand stops him.

"AJ, you have to understand that what's in this box isn't the present. It's what it symbolizes that's my gift to you."

I release his hand I watch him timidly and carefully open the small gift. Once he opens it, I think my heart is going to explode and I begin to fidget with uncertainty.

Will he like it? Will he understand how seriously I take it? 

AJ sees it first, then takes the silver chain (it's as close to gray as I could get) from the box and holds it up for everyone to see. At the bottom of it is a gold ring. Zeke's eyes grow as big as saucers when he sees the ring.

I nervously drop to one knee and my voice quivers a little.

"AJ, that is a growing chain. You just add links to it as you grow up."

My eyes scan over the crowd that is hooked on my every word.

"The ring — well, it's one of the two rings worn by our father. Zeke wears the other one on his hand. I could never bring myself to wear mine, so ever since that day, it's been in a box in our room. I know it doesn't fit right now and I know we're really young, but I want you to have mine. Think of it as a promise ring. Will you wear it for me?"

He wipes a single tear from my cheek and leans in to kiss me. Everyone cheers and claps, but his little mouth, soft lips, and warm tongue dominate every thought, and my brain goes blank. Soon we are swarmed by our friends, and I hold him tightly to my chest as the swarm turns into a monkey pile of laughing, tickling, and even some groping until Mom and Dad break it up.

Mom pulls AJ out of the pile and puts him up on her hip. Craig pulls me to my feet and fist bumps with me. I watch AJ show his mom the chain and ring and I wonder if he really understands what I mean by giving it to him. She puts it on his neck and he looks intently at the ring. He looks up at me and smiles.

Mom scans the room and waves me over. "Honey, take AJ up to his room for a nap."

"Aw Mom! I'm not tired anymore," he whines and yawns at the same time.

I laugh a little and say, "Come on, little bro." He looks at me with his child-like face and climbs onto my back. Once I get him safely latched on, we start our slow trek up the stairs.

It's a little tricky with the walking cast, but AJ isn't in any hurry and is just enjoying himself laying his head on my shoulder. After step forty, he asks softly in my ear, "Am I going to miss my own party again?"

"You just need an hour or so of rest; everyone will still be here."

He seems to agree, then lays his head on my shoulder, and I can hear that soft breathing sound and feel his hot breath in my ear before we get to the top of the stairs.

Once I lower him into bed, I get the privilege of gently undressing him. Looking at him spread eagle like this is too hot to not have some fun. I unbutton his short-sleeve shirt and see the silver chain with the ring lying on his bare chest. I slowly touch the ring and whisper, "You'd love him, Dad."

My hand glides down his thin, pale skin from his neck to his pants, causing him to moan in his sleep. Carefully, I undo the button clasp on his pants and unzip his fly very slowly. My dick is so painfully hard that I have to stop and move it around. Getting his pants off is getting easier for me. I look over his body and marvel at its art-like qualities.

His hair is longer than he likes, but I don't mind the Greek god-like golden curls. I think moving them from his face is totally hot. Because of his stupid sickness, his body still looks like a six or seven year old even though he's nine, and I'm confused about why that turns me on like it does. I take off his glasses and lay them on the nightstand. Then I crawl onto the bed between his legs and feel his pale thighs up to his little green boxers. The color matches his emerald eyes. Slipping my fingers up into the boxers, he moans again. Unexpectedly, this moan has words.

"Suck me Zack. Suck me hard… make me squeal."

I tug on his boxers and he lifts his butt, making it easier to pull them off. Once the green cloth passes his rock-hard erection, it flops onto his stomach. That is one thing I am happy about — for whatever reason, his stunted growth has not effected his boy-bits. His wonderful four-inch [10 cm] penis is so perfect that it belongs on a granite statue. It's cut, and the head is the ideal shape. The shaft is about as thick as a roll of nickels, and I can't wait for it to get thicker. Going down on this little cock is complete bliss.

His moans are getting louder and I see him gripping the sheets. My only thought now is I can't wait to fuck this lover of mine till he shouts for more.

But for now, I continue to wrap my tongue around his dickhead and deep throat him as much as possible. The danger of one of the twenty guests or the other five family members walking in on us is driving me crazy. I reach down and undo the button on my shorts. They drop to the floor, and I climb onto the bed, swinging my leg over AJ's head. He yanks my boxers down and struggles with getting them off, and when he does, he takes my dick so fast it makes me grunt. His muffled moans are vibrating down my dick as he takes me to my pubic hair. Like a hungry calf, he works my dick, smashing his face against my skin time and time again. My eyes begin to roll back into my head when he begins to pump his groin into my mouth. I grip his ass firmly and slip my middle finger into his small butt hole and watch his toes grab the sheets.

It's a good thing he has my cock in his mouth because his dry orgasm makes him scream like I'm trying to murder him. His body shakes underneath me, and I enjoy the ride. His hands grip my ass cheeks and when his body tries to cum, he pulls them apart and he sticks his fingers in my hole, causing me to release rope after rope of cum. It's so much that he can't keep swallowing it, and it erupts out of his mouth and coats his face.

He keeps up the finger fucking until my soft dick slips out from between his lips. His, however, doesn't go soft, and I roll to his right and turn him on his side, licking it continuously. With every curl of my tongue around his dickhead, I'm rewarded with a body shiver and a giggle.

"Come here," he beckons me. Crawling up to him, our naked bodies merge together and I see my handiwork on his face. I smile at him.

"I think I have something on my face," he whispers. "Could you help me clean it off?"

I take a huge lick through the cum that used to be deep inside me and then kiss him. I share it with him, and he cleans my tongue off, so I go back for more.

We kiss some more, and then I whisper to him, "I'd better get back before I'm missed."

He looks overly sad and hugs me a little tighter.

"If you liked that blow job as much as I did, you just wait until tonight for your reward."

He gives me an evil, cheeky smile, "Are you going to spank me, Mister?"

I answer his evil idea about tonight with his boxers gently rubbed into his face. Then I lean in close to him and whisper through the boxer fabric, "Let's just say that you will have to cover your head with your pillow. And even then, I think we're still going to get caught."

He quickly pulls his boxers off his face and kisses me.

"Boys!" Dad shouts up the stairs. "Is everything OK up there? I'm coming up."

We both scramble to get dressed as much as we can. AJ manages to get his boxers back on and slips under the covers. I get mine on, but I run into a snag with my shorts. One leg goes in without issue, but the other one gets caught on my leg brace, and after a couple hops, I fall over onto the floor just as Dad walks in.

He walks to the bed, and I stand up with my shorts around my ankles. He looks at AJ and his cum covered face that we forgot to wipe off.

Dad sits on the bed and pats it as if to ask me to sit down also. He turns and grabs AJ gently and pulls him out and sits him across his lap. Then he bends down and picks up AJ's shirt off the floor and wipes his face clean. Well, as clean as possible. Looking into AJ's face, he sighs and then looks to me and wraps his other arm around my shoulders and brings me into a nice three-way hug.

He nods his head and releases us from the hug. He pats AJ's legs that he has swung over his lap.

"I believe this talk is long overdue. We could hear our little screamer downstairs."

AJ's face turns bright red, and he hides it with both hands. I'm sure my face color matches his, but I worry about what my friends will think.

"Now don't worry too much. Your mother turned up the music and sent me upstairs to talk to you. I don't think anyone but us noticed.

"You two are getting serious, and we have to talk about respecting others, or you're going to start getting into trouble."

AJ mumbles from behind his hands, "What kind of trouble?"

Dad smiles and pulls his hands away from his face.

"Well, for starters, you two will have to take a break. Zack will have to sleep in his own bed. And no sneaking downstairs to crawl under the covers," he says, and tickles AJ's stomach with a finger, getting a giggle out of him.

"I heard what happened in the hospital during the day and night. You two have to learn that there is a right time and place to do that stuff, and here in your bed when you have twenty guests downstairs is the wrong time. No more public places. No more outside. Kissing is fine, but that is as far as you go."

"Are we in trouble now?" I sheepishly ask, expecting a spanking.

He studies my face for a moment.

"No, not this time. There will be no spankings during the party."

AJ gives an audible sigh, and he releases his tension.

"Dad, if we do something and get caught, instead of taking a break, I'd rather have a spanking," I tell him as I look at my toes.

He eyes me and I can almost feel him studying my body language.

"It would be a bad one. Are you sure? I can't spank one without the other one. Maybe you two should talk it over. I would have to make sure you understand that I will be very disappointed in you both for not following the rules."

"I'll take AJ's spanking. I'll take both amounts," I say, panicking, not wanting my boyfriend to be hurt.

"No, I can take it!"

"You've never been really spanked, trust me! I can't be the reason you get hurt again."

AJ looks at his chest and the ring that lies on his bare skin from the silver chain. He begins to pout.

Dad says, "Do you understand what he is doing, AJ?"

He nods his head, but dad tells him anyway.

"He loves you so much, he's willing to take your spanking. Try and think about that when you two think about breaking the rules."

AJ hugs Dad and I think he's crying, but he's looking away. Dad stands up and places AJ in my lap.

"OK, rule one: You must be up in this room, or a designated area that I agree on."

"You mean I have to tell you we want to have…" the word gets caught in my throat. I swallow and whisper like I don't want AJ to hear it.

"…sex?"

With a nod, dad confirms his statement

"You will if it's not in this room. Keep it in this room, or get used to asking for permission. Rule number two: you will close both sets of doors, those to your room and those to the hallway. Try and remember that your mother sleeps down one floor, and you'd better not wake us up."

AJ's face wrinkles up.

"…us?"

But Dad ignores him.

"Rule three: you do your own laundry, including sheets."

"What? Why?" I blurt, a little upset at the addition of a new chore.

Dad picks up the cum-covered shirt and shows it to me.

"I don't think it's fair that your mom has to wash your sheets and clothes if they've got this on them. So, if you two are determined to have sex — and you two are having sex… right?"

We both shut up and AJ just nods. I sigh and mutter, "Yes sir."

"… then you will clean up after yourself. Our part of the agreement is, your mother and I will get you baby wipes to clean yourself, paper towels to clean up other spills, and will supply the lotion. But you have to ask me to get more. Not having those items will be breaking the rules, so be sure you ask for more.

"We will allow kissing in public, but that is it. I'm sorry boys, there is no leeway with this rule. Please don't make me spank you."

AJ turns to me and whispers in my ear, "What's the lotion for?" I say that I'll tell him later.

Dad sighs as if it's a relief to get that all out. There's another warm three-way hug.

"We love you two very much, and we make these rules to protect you. I'm not sure if either of you are old enough to decide that you're straight, gay, or bi, but if at this moment in your lives you two are in love, then your mother and I support that. We will do our best to protect you from those that don't like the idea of two boys kissing. But you will have to be strong when we aren't there. You seem to have a good group of friends that accept you and love you. I mainly want to say that there is nothing wrong with what you're doing or who you are. I will love you two no matter what you decide, and your mom feels the same."

Dad stands up and turns to the door.

"AJ is to take a nap — a real one this time," he says at the door, causing AJ to pout.

"And Zack has guests to entertain, so back downstairs young man." He walks to the stairs and goes back down to the party.

I look at AJ's cute pouty face and pull the covers back. He crawls into bed and I kiss him. He hands me his hearing aid. I sign to him `I'll see you in a while.'

`You promise? Don't let me miss the whole party,' AJ signs back to me. I watch his hands speed through the words. I catch enough to understand his meaning.

`I won't,' I sign back. `I'll make sure I'm up here in an hour and a half, I swear.' He smiles.

I put the hearing aid on the nightstand next to his glasses, pull Max from his resting spot, and tuck him under AJ's arm. I sit there for a moment, gently playing with his hair and listening for that familiar sound of my lover falling asleep. Then, quietly, I return to the party.

Coming back downstairs I finish setting my watch alarm for an hour and a half and then scan the room. A couple of guys see me and wave me over to the couch. My brother seems to be missing. That's odd.

I shrug it off and join my friends playing video games. Chet and Wade, a kid from AJ's class, are playing the latest FIFA. Chet is losing terribly.

"Ha!" laughs Craig, who's on the couch beside them. "You're getting your ass kicked by that fifth grader!"

Chet turns and ball slaps Craig. "Man!! Ouch, dude!"

Craig, with his knees clinched together, slips off the couch onto the floor behind Chet, so I take his seat on the couch. Craig rolls back and forth at my feet as I look around the room.

Where is Zeke? I think to myself.

I start to feel weird, like… like I'm tasting something bad, something wrong. Like I want to throw up, it's so… yuk… Missy!

I stand up and search the room. Out on the porch, hiding behind a window — no one claims Zeke is the smart twin — he and Missy are tongue locked.

Jesus H. Christ! What did I tell him?

I have every intention of going over there to break that up when Chet declares, "I give up! Zack, you play!" And the PS5 controller is tossed into my hands.

I bobble the controller as Craig wraps up Chet in a bear hug. The two begin to roll around on the floor, and suddenly I get pulled down to the floor with them. The three of us are all rolling around trying to grab each other by the balls or at least give them a good slap. They're taking it easy on me on account of my mobility being halved thanks to the ten pound boot Velcro'ed to my leg.

I momentarily forget all about Zeke with the concentration I need to ensure the survival of my nuts. I get Chet and Craig a couple of times – on one of them Chet curls up into a ball after a particularly direct slap. I didn't mean to do it so hard, but he howls and I laugh so hard that I get smacked.

Fighting the puking feeling again, I roll out of range and right into Dad, who looks down on us kids and says, "Boys, if you're going to wrestle around, take it outside."

Brian walks in with a piece of cake and asks, "You guys have a hoop right?"

I suddenly feel myself re-energized and shout "Basketball!" All ten boys storm out of the house like horses let out of the barn after a crazy storm. Dad and Mom just laugh and watch us rush out of the house with new purpose. Brian shovels the rest of his cake in his mouth somehow, and gives Dad the plate before running to catch up.

Before the basketball game ends, my watch alarm goes off and I have to excuse myself to wake up AJ. Waking my little lover up, he rolls over and throws his arms up to me like a little boy would if he wanted to be picked up. I sit down and pull him into my lap and he yawns, lays his head on my chest, and mumbles, "Is everyone gone?"

I smile and lean my head on his and assure him that the party wasn't the same without him.

`Come on, let's get you dressed,' I sign to him and stand him up. His boxers sag on him because we stretched them out.

`Let's get you a fresh pair, buddy.'

He responds by rubbing one of his emerald eyes and yawning.

I pull them down and am greeted by a bouncing little boy boner. I resist the temptation to engulf it in my mouth and suck him till he screams. Instead I leave him standing fighting grogginess and I fetch fresh briefs with a cowboy on it.

`Sorry little bro, you're out of clean boxers.' I love how he looks in briefs; nothing is hidden.

"OK," he mumbles, with another yawn. He steps into his briefs and I put on a new black shirt. It has Naruto on it printed in neon green. We complete his look with some black soccer shorts with a neon green stripe.

I tie them off and give him a once-over, then I fix his hair the best I can. I retrieve his hearing aid and his glasses. As he puts them on, I turn and lean down. He understands and carefully climbs on my back. He kisses my cheek before he lays his head on my shoulder. I give his arm around my chest a kiss and hold him tightly. I drop him off at the bathroom and wait for him to come out. In a little while he climbs onto my back again, and we head to the kitchen where I dump him on his stool and get us some cake.

"Hey, honey. Feel better?" Mom says, and kisses him on the cheek. He answers her with a groggy nod. I give him his cake and we head out to the patio deck with everyone else.

While I was gone, the guys have been busy filling water balloons. After we finish our cake, I carry our small table into the yard, while AJ crutches along behind it. Tipping it over, AJ and I 'defend the fort' while the other guys, the ones with two good legs, run around trying to get us. Over the next two hours we use hundreds of balloons and even break out the hoses to try and soak our friends.

We play in the yard in our underwear as our clothes dry in the sun on the clothesline. I'm just glad that AJ isn't the only one in cartoon briefs. I see him hesitate, then when he sees that Chet is wearing briefs (not cartoon, but still tighty-whities), he gladly drops his black shorts and joins the rest of us playing in the sun. AJ climbs on someone's back and that person is "It".

It's a lot of fun, but to be honest, if he's not on my back… I'm nervous.

I start to feel… strange about halfway through the game. Something is making me ill. It's like something is happening to me, but I'm not involved.

That makes me realize that Zeke is not playing with us. Looking around, I can kind of tell which direction makes me feel the worst. Behind the pool fence, I see him stand up and look around till he locks eyes with me. His shirt is off. Missy's head pops over the fence and she sees me. She smirks and gives me a little wave, then grabs my brother by the hair and pulls him down behind the fence. Subconsciously, my right hand goes to my head to fix my hair.

Before long our friends – no, our brothers — are picked up by their parents, leaving our family to clean up. Well, who am I kidding — Mom and Dad do most of the cleaning, but we help where we can.

I spend most of the time sending dagger eyes at Zeke and enduring Missy laughing at my plight. Zeke looks ashamed and does his best to avoid AJ and me. Missy takes advantage of the distance he is keeping from us to steal kisses, which Zeke clearly hates. Every kiss stolen makes him feel worse, and I'm good with that. Dad and AJ, on his shoulders, take down the streamers and balloons.

While our parents are doing the dishes, AJ and I sit on the love seat. He's exhausted again. His head is in my lap, and I can tell he's somewhere between awake and sleeping.

We watch a TV show, and Mom and Dad come in and sit next to us on the couch. Mom lays her head in Dad's lap.

I stare at him to get his attention. When he looks at me, I raise my eyebrows and mouth `What?!' He smiles and gives a small shrug. I smile and nod my approval.

I pivot myself into the corner of the love seat so I'm comfortable, and eventually I fall asleep from the day's events with my hand on the chest of the one I love. The silver chain and the ring are locked into AJ's hands, and mine are around his; I know that everything is as it should be.

AJ

I wake up, and I pick up Zack's arm and scoot myself from under his weight with one thought — I have to pee. I grab my glasses and put them on while I pinch my penis tip, so I don't pee my briefs. Twenty-three steps, and I reach the second floor. My knees are pinched as tightly as I can, and I'm not sure I can limp down the hall without peeing myself. I hop up and down and decide to make a break for it… and… I make it.

OK, I peed in my briefs a little, but not much. I hope no one is up because I didn't have time to close the door. "Aaaaaaahhhhh," I sigh with relief.

Shaking my penis like Zack showed me — no more than three shakes because others will think you're playing with it — I inspect how much of a mess I've made in my underwear, and realize I have to change them when I'm back in the room. So, I tuck my penis in my briefs. At least I don't have to worry about the dribble dripping down my leg like it does when I wear boxers. There is always dribble, Zack says, and I shouldn't worry about it.

Feeling better, I walk out of the bathroom, fixing my glasses to fit my face better, and I run into someone in the hall and fall down.

I hit the floor hard on my butt bone and my glasses slide away from me on the floor.

It's three o'clock in the morning. Who could I have run into?

Chapter Text

AJ

I reach for my glasses and put them back on, then realize that I've run into Zeke. He is apologizing, but I don't have my hearing aid in, so it's nothing but mumbling to me.

"It's OK, Zeke," I whisper groggily while yawning, still on the floor.

After my yawn, I get a better look at him. Zeke is naked and holding an arm full of clothes. His penis grabs my attention. I look at it and it seems longer than normal, but it's… orange.

Suddenly, it becomes longer and longer, stretching towards the floor. Then it splits in half, and the orange part falls to the floor with a plop, like a snake shedding its skin, and some cum splats out of it.

"Zeke? Why are you naked?" I say, a little louder than I should.

Zeke begins to panic and grabs at my legs, trying to pull me closer to him.

"Shhhhh little bro, be quiet!" he whispers, and I can't make out what he's saying, but his meaning is unmistakable.

A realization wakes me up instantly, and I shout, "Why are you coming out of Missy's room?!"

Her head pops out of her door and… SHE'S NAKED TOO!!

"No, no, no! You're supposed to be my brother!" I shout.

Zeke drops his clothes and grabs at me with both hands as I kick him back. Missy quietly enjoys the show until he turns back to her and says something. She laughs and goes back into her room.

I take this moment to get up and run down the hall. I slip a little on the condom and cum on the floor as I take off, and it hurts my messed up leg, but I reach the stairs to my bedroom anyway.

As I climb, I count the stairs. At nineteen steps the stairway begins to spin from the pain. My leg buckles, and I crash into the handrail and fall a few steps. Over my shoulder, I can see Zeke beginning to climb the stairs, his face a mixture of concern and panic.

I get up and rush up the remaining steps on all fours, shouting the whole way, "No, no, you're supposed to be my brother! You're supposed to protect me! No, no, no!"

Zack

"AJ!" I wake up yelling in response to his screaming. I search the bed. He's gone!

"AJ, where are you?"

I jump out of the bed in a hurry, tumbling to the floor. I hear something falling down the stairs, and I untangle my legs from the sheets and head to the stairs. As I get to the bedroom door, AJ bursts through it, knocking us both down.

His glasses land on the floor over by me, and I sit upright and pick them up.

"AJ, are you OK?"

AJ sits up on his knees with his hands in his hair. He is shaking his head back and forth, crying. He is most definitely not OK.

I rush to him, and he slaps me across the face and yells real loud.

"No, no, no! You're supposed to be my brother!!"

He quickly crawls over to the balusters, feeling his way there. He begins to count the rails and mutters the numbers.

To make things even more confusing, Zeke comes through the door. He tries to talk to AJ, but he's slapped away also.

"Zeke… Zeke? Why are you naked? And why do you stink?"

"Um… well… AJ was using the bathroom… and I was coming to use it too…"

"Why would you use the upstairs bathroom?" I ask, as I check back on AJ. He seems fully focused on counting the balusters, and I'm thinking I need to do something soon.

"Well… I — I might have been… upstairs already…"

"Upstairs? Where would you be sleeping upsta…"

The dominoes begin to fall into place: him upstairs, the way he smells, and the rush of feelings from him that I'm having a hard time ignoring.

"YOU FUCKED MISSY AND AJ SAW YOU WITH HER!!"

I lose my mind and leap on him and start swinging. We roll over and tip over a table by the coat rack, causing AJ to scream and grab his hair.

Zeke swings and connects with my nose, and I strike him in the eye. I knee him in the nuts and then two giant hands grab us by the arms, pulling us apart.

"What is going on up here?" It's Dad, in his boxers, and he's mad. "Alice is trying to sleep, and you… Zeke? Why are you naked?"

"Cause he fucked Missy, and AJ saw him!" I yell in anger. "Now look at him!"

I pull my arm from Dad's grip and wrap up my boyfriend and hold on for dear life, scowling at Zeke.

Dad says, "All right, try to keep him quiet and calm him down. If you need help, come get me. If you can do it, put him to bed.

"And you…" he jerks Zeke's arm, making him drop the clothes he'd just picked up again, "…are coming with me."

AJ thrashes in my hug and is yelling, "Sixty-two, sixty-two, sixty-two, sixty-two…" as he tries to keep counting the rails.

"I know… I know, AJ. Please calm down."

I take the silver chain around his neck and hold the ring in front of his face.

"Here, AJ, look. Look at the ring."

He looks at it and begins to count the times I spin the ring on the chain. Soon I began to feel him slow down. I speak right into his ear.

"You're OK, I've got you. It's me, AJ. I love you. Please calm down."

Eventually, he lays his head on my shoulder.

"Zack…" he whispers. "Zeke loves Missy more than me…"

He begins to cry harder. "…he doesn't like me anymore."

"It's OK, AJ. It's OK. C'mon… let's get you into bed."

I release him from my grip, and he turns around, wraps his arms around my neck, and lays his head on my shoulder. I pick him up and carry him the short distance to the bed.

I take off his glasses and put them down on the nightstand. I gently lay him down on the bed. I get the covers off the floor, and make sure he's covered well enough before I crawl in next to him. He automatically scoots into me so we can spoon. We cuddle up and he mumbles a little before trailing off and crying himself to sleep.

Three hours later, I walk down forty-eight stairs after I've emptied my bladder and brushed my teeth. Thirty-five times on each side. This counting habit is driving me nuts. Maybe I should talk to Doctor Ford.

I walk past the couch and feel the cold chill of the main floor. I take the blanket that rests on the couch's back and wrap it around my shoulders. I hike my butt onto the stool next to AJ's and fix the blanket to cover me. I cross my arms on the bar and lay my head on them.

A few moments later the kitchen door opens and Dad walks in. He shakes the snow off his jacket and hangs it up, then makes his way over to get more coffee.

"Good morning, Zack."

"Morning Dad," I mumble, and raise my head a little. "Can I come out and help with the chores?"

He comes over with his cup of coffee and looks me over.

"Well, you're not cleared to do chores yet, but soon. Hold on."

He sits across from me. Then he reaches over and rubs my head.

"You look terrible. How's AJ?"

I give an exhausted sigh.

"I just got him to sleep for the third time. He's up every thirty minutes or so."

I turn my head and watch him as he sips from the coffee mug.

"I'm exhausted. I didn't get any sleep after Zeke's stupid sex romp. Man, he's lucky you pulled me off."

Dad sets his coffee cup on the bar.

"Sex romp – well, that's not how he said it happened."

My curiosity piqued, I sit up and listen.

"Zeke claims he was sound asleep when Missy came into his room and woke him up, telling him she had something to show him, and that he should come to her room. He says he didn't want to go, but she was… convincing…"

He leaves the sentence hanging and raises his eyebrows, leaving me to figure it out. My face wrinkles in disgust.

"Oh yuk — not first thing in the morning, please."

Dad laughs at me and continues.

"Anyway, he eventually agrees, and she leads him by the hand up to her room. She claims her bed is bigger, and that's the reason it's best if they do it in her room. At some point he hears somebody in the hallway. He… finishes, and then hurries out, trying to get downstairs before he's seen."

"…and he runs into AJ — literally."

I'm thinking it over, and I guess I can see it happening like that.

"Wait! Doesn't that mean Missy could be pregnant?"

"Nope," Dad says. He puts a box on the bar and looks at me with a grin.

"Hey, those are my orange rubbers! I was wondering where those were," I say, reaching for them.

But Dad slaps his hand on the box, stopping me from getting it.

"Zack, why did you keep these?" he asks, taking another drink from his cup.

Embarrassed, I shift my eyes around the room, but in the end they're drawn to his.

"I don't know," I answer with a shrug. "I just wanted to have them, I guess. They're for sex, right? I just thought me and AJ… would… you know, play with them. Can I have them back?"

He grins and holds my gaze, then laughs a little and says, "That's a no, you sex-crazy teenager. They're too big for you anyway," he says, taking them and giving me one last look before laughing again.

He puts his coat on, slips the box into the pocket and heads out to resume the chores. But he stops at the door.

"You know, the funny thing is, Missy says Zeke just showed up in her room, bare naked, and forced himself on her. Does that sound like your brother?"

He leaves without waiting for an answer, and I hold the blanket tighter around my body as the cold Montana wind sneaks in past him. I think his words over.

No, that isn't what I felt. When I woke up, disgust and shame washed over me and then quickly turned into panic.

I hike the blanket higher on my shoulders and slide off the stool. Going over to the pantry, I retrieve the cereal — Captain Crunch of course, the only cereal that's a challenge to eat — and a pop tart — cinnamon, the only good flavor — and put them on the bar. Mom walks into the kitchen and gives me a hug as I return from the fridge. I lean into her and accept all the affection I can get right now.

I don't show any willingness to pull away. Memories of being held by my mother whenever the world was weighing my shoulders down flood my mind. My tears begin to fall and soon my breathing becomes unstable as my fear of losing AJ last night, thoughts of my betraying brother, and anger at that bitch for starting it all comes out for the world to see. My body begins to shake and I feel hysterical.

Mom tightens her grip and says soothingly, "I know, I know…"

She takes the milk and sets it on the bar. I wrap both my arms around her and continue crying.

"It's hard to always be strong in front of everyone, isn't it."

That's all it takes for the walls to come down, and she kneels, holding me properly. I can't stop crying and the tears are blurring my vision. I feel betrayed by my brother, and not strong enough to protect AJ. And I'm lost on how to keep AJ from hating Zeke, or even if I should try.

Then there's the issue of what Mom thinks.

"Zeke didn't do what you think he did," I say quietly.

She pulls me from her and looks into my eyes, and wipes them so I can see.

"I know you want to protect your brother…"

"No ma'am. I gave him that black eye, and I would have given him another one to match the first one if Dad hadn't pulled me off.

"But I'm telling you… I can't really explain it, but we're connected. I can feel his strong emotions. And he's always disgusted when he's with Missy. He's as gay as I am, Mom, I swear. Having sex with Missy couldn't have been his idea.

"All I'm asking is, give his side some thought. You've been so nice to our family. He'd never lie to you, just like I wouldn't."

She studies my eyes sadly for a moment, then says, "You know what, how about some real breakfast? Put the cereal and that nasty pop-tart away. I'll make pancakes."

She dries my tears once again, and gives me a loving swat on the butt, pushing me towards the bar to get the cereal.

I'm not back on my stool for very long when AJ climbs on his and leans over onto my shoulder. His eyes are heavy and his lips are pouty, like at any minute he could start crying.

Noticing he isn't wearing his hearing aid, I sign to him, stating the obvious: `Hey buddy, still can't sleep?' . Mom looks over at us and watches AJ shake his head.

`I can't sleep without you in bed with me.' 

I give his leg a little squeeze and sign back, `After breakfast, we can try again. Did you brush your teeth after you peed?'

He shakes his head.

`Well, you know you can't eat breakfast with morning breath, and I'm definitely not going to kiss you.'

He huffs and slides off his stool, causing his briefs to be pulled all the way up his butt-crack, showing me those two perfect globes. He groggily walks back upstairs, all bow-legged as he tries to pull it out.

Mom looks at me and smiles. I look embarrassed and say, "Kids," as if that answers everything.

I get up and get the orange juice and two glasses. I pour it and put it back in the refrigerator. About the time the pancakes are placed on the bar, AJ is back, and I pull his face to mine and kiss him passionately.

"OK, come on you two, your pancakes are getting cold," mom says with a little smile.

We pull apart slowly and a single string of spittle, proof of our intimacy, hangs in between our lips. When it breaks, we erupt in giggles.

"Eat, you two," she says one more time, and we dig in.

Jack

I heave another bale onto the stacked hay in the corner of the barn. Zeke grabs it and hikes it up into place.

I can tell he's dying to talk about him and Missy, but he keeps losing his nerve and talking himself out of it. I drag the last bale to the stack, and I can see that he's lost in thought and not paying attention, so I toss it up so it collides with him, knocking him and the bale back.

"Something on your mind there, sex machine?"

He gets to his feet and already looks embarrassed.

"Uncle Jack… I'm so sorry," he says as he sits down.

"She told me she would… she said it felt different than gay stuff, and I would thank her later. I figured, since I was using a rubber, I was safe to just do it and get it over with.

"She has a…" he trails off, and is hiding something.

I look at my oldest nephew and study his face with its black eye. He is sorry, and it isn't embarrassment. His whole body shows shame. He almost acts and looks as if he was raped.

"Do you even like Missy?"

There it is, the same look of disgust that I get from Zack when he talks about her.

"Zeke, are you unsure if you're gay?"

He thinks a moment, and says, "Not any more."

I decide to hit him with Missy's story.

"She says that you were just standing at the foot of her bed, naked, and that you raped her. Is that what happened?"

He jumps down to me, his eyes wide.

"No, that isn't what happened! I'm telling the truth. I swear! I would never do that. I didn't even want to fuck her! She made me do it. You've got to believe me!"

He's freaking out. And he's telling the truth. That's for sure.

I wrap my arms around him and try to comfort him, but he's letting it all go. I move him over to a hay bale and sit him down. He won't let me go, and he's sobbing uncontrollably.

He's the strong one, the one that Zack always leans on. I think he's at his limits. The connection we have is a strong one — heck, it's like he's my mini-me. He tries so hard to be as emotionally strong and as responsible as I am, but he doesn't understand yet that hiding your emotions isn't healthy. He's dealing with an adult-sized problem, and it's crushing him.

"Look, it was smart of you to wear the condom, but your brother is pretty upset that you took them without asking."

He sits up and wipes his tears, wincing as he wipes the black eye.

"Yeah, his right hook showed me how upset he is. Well it's too bad, because I wasn't going to stick my dick in Missy's cun… I mean… pussy?"

He prepares for the slap to the back of his head, but when it doesn't come, he continues.

"…without a rubber, even if it made her angry."

He seems to be collecting himself from his breakdown, for now at least. Taking a deep breath, he sighs and says softly, "Everyone hates me now, don't they?"

I put my arm on his shoulder and pull him closer.

"No one hates you. I won't lie to you, some family members are pretty mad, but we'll see what we can do to fix some of it at least."

We stand up and I fix his winter coat, brushing off the random bits of hay and dust that clings to it.

"I'm going inside. You fill the troughs, feed and saddle the horses, and get the steers out of the barn. We're taking the herd out at sunrise, then I have to hurry back to the estate. I'll ride back in the afternoon to help you bring them back."

I mess up his hair and place his cowboy hat on his head. He hugs me one more time and then rushes off to start on his chore list.

Putting on my hat, I head back to the house to talk to Alice. I open the door and the cold wind follows me in. Zack reacts quickly and covers up the almost naked AJ with a blanket from the couch.

"Sorry, sorry," I say, and I take my cup from the counter and fill it with coffee. I take a drink, then set it down to take off my jacket and hat.

"Morning Jack," Alice says, but I can hear that there is something missing from her voice this morning. Her eyes shift to the boys at the bar, then back to me

"Can we talk?" she asks, and moves to leave the room. I give AJ a little hug, then mess up his bed head worse than it is. He giggles and engulfs a forkful of pancakes, dripping syrup all over his chin.

Before I leave, I turn and tell the boys, "Hey, Zack, make sure you two take a shower."

When AJ turns away, I mouth `Pee' and point at my crotch. Zack moves his head closer to AJ's crotch and sniffs. He sits up real quick, gives me a nod and mouths `OK'.

I hurry to catch up with Alice. She takes me into the bedroom, and I shut the door. I begin to talk as she walks over to the large picture of the kids over the fireplace.

"Hey, I know the last thing you want to hear right now is me sticking up for my boy, but I've raised this kid for seven years, I know when he's lying…"

Alice feels under the picture frame, and I hear a click. It moves to the right.

"Oh I know he's not lying. Watch this."

Behind the picture is one big monitor and three little ones underneath the larger one. She picks up a remote and clicks it. The big monitor comes to life with a view from over Alice's door down the hallway on the second floor. Then the three smaller ones light up. One is the kitchen, covering the back door, the middle screen is the living room and front door, and the last one is the front of the house.

Suddenly, Zack is yelling for me from the hall, and I roll my eyes as Alice laughs a little. I open the door and poke my head out so Zack doesn't see the monitors.

"What? Why are you yelling?"

He hurries to me and my eyes look down at the extremely hard dick under his towel. I look up and see the lust in my teenager's eyes.

"Really? In the shower?"

Zack's little face is so cute when he begs, "Please! I need this. We need this!"

My hand goes to my face, and I laugh to myself.

"Fine," I decide. "Go. But no screaming!"

Reaching out, I surprise him by grabbing his towel. He tries to get it back, but then he lets go and hams it up by moonwalking backwards, causing his hard-on to bob up and down, and giving me a fist pump.

"Yes! Thank you!"

He hurries back into the bathroom. He's the emotional twin, and I'm so thankful for the connection we have. Out of the two twins, he is the one who has every emotion written on his face.

I close the door and I'm sure I look embarrassed.

"Sorry about that. Rule One."

She laughs at me and at our situation, then adds, "My daughter and your son, my youngest and your other son… well at least Zack asked." Then her laughing turns to crying. I rush to her and hold her.

"It's OK, we'll get through this. What are you going to show me?"

Alice wipes her tears away and gives me a nod that she's OK. She motions to the screens, saying, "Watch the second floor camera," she says, and we both concentrate on it. Soon, Missy comes out of her room and heads downstairs. The time stamp says a little before 3:00am. We watch her walk through the living room and kitchen. Alice gives me a look.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to jump all over you last night. Keep watching."

At 3:15, the monitor shows her coming into the kitchen, pulling behind her a very groggy Zeke. In the living room, he pulls his hand away and turns to go back to bed. Missy re-grabs his hand, pulls up her nighty, and places it on her girl parts.

As soon as this happens, he wakes up enough to realize where his hand is. He turns back and pulls it away, wiping it on his pajamas in a horrified way.

"Look, he is disgusted, poor guy," Alice says with a sympathetic tone.

I give a little shrug.

"Well, he is gay."

Still looking at the monitor, Alice says, "This is the best part."

From a nighty pocket, Missy pulls out a piece of paper. Zeke looks at it, then grabs it, and rips it up into pieces. They argue for a few minutes, and then he just stops. His body shows defeat.

Missy kisses him on his cheek, then takes his hand, putting it between her legs, and he just stands there. Then, after she laughs a little, she points up the stairs, and a defeated Zeke goes up the stairs.

"Well, I wasn't expecting to see that," I say, a little shocked. "What does she have on him?"

Alice shrugs.

"When I talked to Zack this morning, he made me think I needed to check to see whose story was true."

She turns off the screens, closes the picture frame and sits on the bed. I follow her and she lays her head on my shoulder.

"Now, I'm afraid I have to do something I never thought I'd have to do."

Then she begins to cry on my shoulder and I hug her.

Zack

I swat AJ's butt, making him giggle as he holds it and does his spanking dance for me as I follow him into the second floor bathroom. I sit on the toilet and take him by the hands, pulling him closer to me.

"Look little bro, I need to know if we have a problem. Did you pee your underwear last night?"

"No — "

His answer is an instinctive nine-year-old lie. As soon as it leaves his lips, his face is draped in shame.

I sigh and let go of his hands. Hooking my thumbs under his waistband, he watches me pull his briefs off. I hold them up to my nose and sniff. My eyebrows go up questioning his answer. He starts to cry.

"I'm sorry, Zack. I tried to hold it and I didn't make it. I was going to change them like I normally… I mean… I was…"

His tears increase, and I hug his naked little body and rub his back.

"Hey, hey, come on. Some kids your age have this problem. It's nothing to worry about or be ashamed of. How long has it been happening?"

He sniffles and pulls away and looks at me. He wipes his nose with his arm and snot smears across his face.

"About since I was in the hospital. The bathroom was close enough that I could make it, sort-of, or Michael would clean me up if I made a mess."

"I bet he would. This all started when Michael was molesting you. He was forcing you to do stuff the whole time you were there, wasn't he?"

AJ's reaction is horror. He is ashamed.

"How long have you known?"

"Since the night he molested us both. You were scared out of your mind that night. You seemed to know what was going to happen. Michael was also acting as if he was doing this every night," I tell him softly.

"Oh AJ, I love you so much…" I take him into my arms and hug him again. "I just wish you would trust me."

"I'm sorry Zack…" he sobs.

I push him away and kiss him quickly on the forehead. "Now, let's get you cleaned up. You smell like pee."

"I do?" he asks, and I tickle him till I get the correct high pitched laughter that I absolutely love. I pick him up and put him in the shower. I take off my boxers and his face lights up.

"We're taking a shower together?!"

"Well, I might as well take mine too."

I take him by the head as I step in and kiss him passionately and intimately. He accepts my tongue and begins to feel the muscles in my chest. He pulls away, drops to his knees, and —

"Whoops… wait!" I hop out of the shower stall, grab a towel and leave the bathroom.

"Dad! Dad!" I yell over the railing to the first floor.

Mom's bedroom door unlocks and opens a little. Dad's head pops out.

"What? Why are you yelling?"

I hurry down to him and his eyes look to the extremely hard dick under my towel. I'm not embarrassed, not even a little. He looks up into my eyes and sighs.

"Really? In the shower?"

I plead with him.

"Please! I need this. Weeee need this!"

He looks like he's about to laugh, and says, "Fine, go. But no screaming!" And suddenly he reaches out and takes my towel.

I try to stop him, then figure it doesn't matter. I moonwalk backwards and fist pump the air. "Yes! Thank you!" Then I turn and hurry back into the bathroom.

Shower sex!

AJ

I lean against the shower wall in a warm shower spray and wonder.

Why did I lie to him again?' I'm just so afraid of disappointing him, I'll say anything. Why do I do that? I'm so much smarter than that!

I pick up the ring that hangs from my neck by the silver chain and look at it, wondering if I'm worthy of what it stands for. I read what it says on the inside.

Forever Begins Now

I grip it and say a little prayer that I never lose it. Not the ring or Zack's love.

The door opens suddenly, and Zack rushes in, closing it behind him.

"Dexter, play playlist Zack — Volume 10."

Music fills the bathroom and spills over into the hallway. He practically leaps over the tub wall and pins me. His eyes are excited and almost out of control as the water rains down, matting his hair. His passion mimics his roughness with me, and for some reason, it excites me more than I've ever been.

His piercing stare conveys lust, the word in its purest form, until I can't take it anymore,

"Take me, fuck me hard, please!" Even I can hear the want and need in my voice.

At first, he is surprised at my language, but he smiles and kisses me passionately and intimately. His leg slides in between mine and moves them to about shoulder width. His left hand grips my neck and his right slides down to my boy-bits. After a good feel, his hand slides underneath.

I suck in some air and my eyes roll to the top into my head. By the look in his face, he's pleased with my reaction to two fingers slipping into my butt hole.

Suddenly, I know this isn't going to be a normal shower.

Chapter Text

AJ

The rock and roll music from the speakers is excessive, and the water rains down on my head. I'm not even sure anymore if it's drool or water coming out of my mouth.

Hand prints cover the glass shower door, and my knees are so weak that I have to use my head on the door to keep me upright. I can't think straight.

"Ooohhhhh… Aaaaaahhhh ugh, ugh… Aaaaahhhh! Again… hurry, do it again!"

Zack pulls his tongue out of my butt, quickly stands, and positions himself behind me. He lines up his cock, and pushes with all his might.

"Damn AJ, I can't believe you want me to keep going!"

He pushes hard, harder than anything so far, and my feet lift off the floor. His left hand wraps around my waist, catching me, suspending me in midair. His right hand hooks the two fingers that were in my butt earlier in my mouth. I can taste myself on his fingers.

"More… ugh, ugh… aaahhh… harder. Come on Zack, make me cum!"

He hikes his right foot on the step molded into the shower wall to get leverage and begins to ram me harder than ever. His fingers muffle my screams, and he is making the most noise of us both this time, but not as loud as the streaming music. Suddenly he drops me and pushes me to bend over. He grabs a wash rag and puts it in my mouth, and then starts ramming me again.

"AJ… I'm sooo… closssse…"

I push myself off his cock without him knowing I'm going to, and spin around, taking it into my mouth. I suck desperately for my lover's cum. Gripping his butt, I pull his cheeks apart and push in two fingers, causing him to stand up on his toes.

His hands lock onto my head and tangle into my soaked hair, holding onto my ears. He grunts deeply and his breathing quickens right before I receive the first of many gushes. It completely fills my mouth with his sweet and tangy cum.

I swallow as fast as I can, but after the third jet, he pulls out halfway, and I rub my tongue along the bottom of his cock. He grunts again and rams it back into my mouth, causing me to gag and choke.

Zack pulls out of my mouth and the tactile feeling of my tongue wrapping around his dickhead causes him to sigh loudly and shoot three more ropes all over my face.

He stands over me, shielding me from the shower water. His hands rest on my shoulders, holding him upright. He's breathing heavily and smiles down at me. His eyes stare through my eyes and into my soul for minutes.

"You know what? I'm trying to decide what's more sexy, my cum all over your face…" I lick my cum-covered lips. "…or the fact that your asshole is leaking about a gallon of my cum as you squat in front of me."

Zack takes my head in his powerful hands and lifts me from my knees. As soon as he can connect with me, he leans down to kiss me, but before he does that, he licks a bunch of cum off my face and shares it with me. Tasting him on his tongue is so sexy that my toes curl.

Someone begins to bang on the door, and he pulls off my face with a smile. He yells to turn off Dexter's radio and spins me around, using the water to wash my face.

"Yeah?!"he calls out to the person outside the door.

"You two begin to finish it up, we've got a day planned," Dad yells through the door. I giggle, and Zack shushes me as he reaches for the body wash.

After Zack washes me from head to toe and inside my sensitive butt hole, he dries us both off. We crack open the door. My head slips out, and I put my glasses on and look around.

"We're good. The coast is clear." I whisper loudly.

With a smack my bare butt stings and I giggle, holding it as I hurry out the door naked. Zack rushes out naked also and quickly looks around. He catches up to me as I open the stairwell door. When he gets there, I tease him by wiggling my butt at him, and he swats me again. I laugh really loud and hurry up the stairs on all fours with my rosy butt cheeks jiggling up in the air.

I rush into the room and search through my dresser drawers looking for a clean pair of boxers. Zack is walking towards me saying something, but at this distance it's only mumbling to me. I wiggle my butt again, showing how much energy I have. Sex is great! I want it all the time.

He takes my hearing aid from the nightstand. He saunters over to me, swinging his big penis at me. He puts my hearing aid in my ear and I prepare to go down on him for my fourth helping of boy juice. He pulls me back to my feet, denying me my snack, messes up my wet hair.

"We should have combed this too."

I hurry to the bed and jump on it naked, rolling over to sit upright with my legs spread wide. "Suck me to tingles again, pleassssee," I say, with the best puppy dog eyes I have.

He looks at me and smirks.

"How can you orgasm again? Didn't you have like four or five in the shower?"

He turns to the empty drawer I was digging through.

"And how are you out of boxers? Are you wearing more than one pair a day?" He pulls on a clean pair of his boxers.

Ignoring his question about wearing more than one pair of boxers, I decide to answer his first question.

"Six, I'm sure of it. You made me cum when I was sucking you. I didn't even have to touch my penis for most of them. I love having your dick in my ass."

He walks towards me, holding my last pair of clean briefs.

"Let's get serious for a moment before Dad comes up here and dresses us both. You're going to have to wear these Superman briefs. I honestly think it's better for you to wear briefs from now on anyway."

I pull my legs in close and put my feet sole to sole.

"I don't want to! You're not wearing briefs. Big boys wear boxers."

He spins my briefs around his finger and says, with a sigh, "Yeah, but I'm not having… accidents."

His face changes when he sees my embarrassment and shame.

"I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, little bro. I'm just trying to protect you."

I hold back my tears and give him a little nod. I take the briefs with a yank and hold my legs in the air to put them on. He watches me till I put my legs down.

"Your butt hole looks puffy. Does it hurt?"

"Nope," I tell him honestly.

He looks at my eyes for a moment, then smiles.

"It was fun right? I like doing it hard once in a while, but I think I like it more like we do at night. Nice, slow, and gently."

I watch his face and really believe him. It doesn't matter to me, but he's right, the hard stuff is fun.

He gets dressed and I pull the clothes I want to wear from my dresser. He looks at me and smiles, shaking his head.

"No buddy, you look like a clown. Let me look at what you got clean."

He pulls out an outfit, and he's right, it does look better than what I had picked out.

When we come down the stairs, Zack stops and holds me back. He holds his finger up to his mouth, motioning to be quiet. We can hear voices out in the hall.

"Give me the laptop. Is the blackmail video on here?" Mom asks.

"You'd better not have any copies. Now give me your iPhone, iPad, and the keyboard for the computer."

Missy says something, but I can't make it out.

"No Missy, you raped that boy. That's a crime. And then you blackmailed him, which is also a crime. And if you gave a damn, you would have noticed that he hated it. Not all boys love sex with girls!

"I'm not sure what's going to happen. We'll decide after we fix what you broke in Zeke."

We hear Missy's door shut as Mom leaves the room and goes down the steps.

Zack looks me in the eyes.

"Zeke didn't betray you. He doesn't like Missy any better than you. He hates her even more than we do, especially now. Do you understand?"

Some tears slowly trail down my cheeks in relief. I nod, not sure what to say. He wipes my tears and kisses my forehead.

"For now, let's give him the benefit of the doubt."

Zack

AJ hops onto my back and I take us down the stairs. In the living room, Mom and Dad are putting their coats on. I get our coats, and AJ gets my cane and his crutches out of the closet. Then I put AJ's coat on and zip it up. Dad helps me with mine and then puts both mine and AJ's cowboy hats on. Mom helps AJ with his crutches.

Then and only then does AJ say, "I have to pee."

"You can hold it till we get to the hospital," Mom says, and ushers us towards the garage door.

I pull Dad's coat sleeve down to get his ear and whisper, "Best let him go."

He turns to me and questions my statement. My eyes look down to my crotch, and I pull my coat up. I yank my boxer's waistband out and mouth, `last pair.' He looks at AJ as he starts to cross his legs.

"I'll take him," Dad says. "It won't be a minute. Just take Zack and get the SUV warmed up."

Mom nods and she takes me out to the truck. She starts it and opens the garage door. We sit in there a little longer than I would have thought. I hope he didn't have another accident, the thought races through my mind.

Mom opens her door and I quickly blurt out, "I'm sure they won't be much longer."

She turns back to me and I think about saying something else, but then the house door opens and Dad is carrying AJ, his crutches in his other hand.

He hands AJ to me and I get him into his booster seat as Dad gets behind the steering wheel.

"Everything OK?" Mom asks him.

"Sure. Just a guy thing, that's all." Dad turns around to back out and gives me a wink. I give him a smile, and AJ gives me a little hug and grabs my hand.

The family is pretty quiet while we drive to the hospital, AJ's head resting very comfortably on my shoulder. I turn my head slightly and whisper, "Were you on time?"

He nods and then gives me one of his 100-degree whispers in my ear that little kids are famous for.

"Dad said we could talk to the doctor at the hospital about it."

I nod back. He smiles and returns to my shoulder.

I'll have to talk to Dad to make sure AJ didn't lie to him. I hate that I can't trust him anymore, but I have a nagging voice in the back of my head that tells me to always double check him. I squeeze his hand and lean my head on him.

We all walk into the hospital together, with Dad carrying AJ and his crutches.

"Let's switch boys."

Mom looks at him questioningly, then agrees. AJ and I exchange `bye' waves as he and dad get into the elevator to the physical therapy floor.

Mom hurries over and gives Dad a kiss just before the elevator doors close. As they shut, we can hear AJ laughing at Dad.

Mom walks next to me on the way to check in and matches my speed.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

I smile and look up at her. "It's a boy thing."

She laughs a little and I ask her, "You going to tell me how serious you are with my Dad?"

"That isn't any of your business," she answers, a little shocked I asked.

"Hmm, it must be serious then," I say childishly. She blushes, pulls me into a little hug, takes off my cowboy hat, and messes up my hair.

Later in the patient room, my doctor enters.

"Hey champ," he says. He walks over and takes off my leg brace.

"OK young man, drop those pants. Mom, let's step out and give young mister Zack some privacy."

He gives me a folded hospital gown, then holds the door open for Mom. I don't waste any time changing. The last thing I want is the doctor and mom walking in on me in the middle of it.

I hop onto the table, and it's not too much longer before they return.

"Let's see," he says as he rubs his hands together to warm them up. He takes my leg and begins to examine it.

"Well, I can tell a few things. First off, you're not using your cane. Am I wrong?"

I shake my head `No' and he sighs.

"The other thing is… you've had pancakes for breakfast."

My eyes go wide and I sit there in disbelief.

He and Mom exchange looks, and Mom starts laughing.

"I'm kidding, I asked your mom out in the hall. But you haven't been using the cane in the house. Up and down the stairs, and who knows where else."

"Is it messed up?" I ask sheepishly.

"Nope," he says as he gets up off of his stool. "I think you're done. No chores yet, but you don't need this brace anymore."

"Yes!" I shout and fist pump my enthusiasm.

"OK, Mom, let's go take care of some paperwork, and Zack, you change out of that stylish outfit."

AJ

"So, AJ," the doctor says kindly, "do you want to tell me how long you've had this problem?"

I look to Dad, and he nods. "Um… since I was here, and that thing happened."

"Did something happen while he was here?" he asks. Dad motions for them to step out into the hall to talk about it, I guess, leaving me in the room with the male nurse.

As soon as the door shuts, the nurse smiles at me. And then he licks his lips. Suddenly, I'm extremely afraid. He steps closer to me and licks his middle finger. I mash my eyes shut and I white knuckle the chair handles. Closer and closer, he steps towards me. I peek and he's standing over me. He's reaching for me.

"Nooooo! Stay back! Stay back! Don't touch me!"

The door reopens. Dad and the doctor rush in. The nurse, across the room at a PC screen and keyboard, holds up his hands. I realize that he hasn't moved from there.

I whine out loud and squirm closer to the edge of my chair. Sliding out of it, I squeeze my hands over my ears and hurry to Dad with some tears falling down my cheeks.

"I didn't even do anything, I swear!" the nurse says, shaken. Dad picks me up.

"I'm sorry," he says as I bury my face in his shoulder. "When he was here before, one of the night nurses molested him for about two months, until his brother spent the night with him and then he was included. Zack told the hospital the next morning when it was safe."

He checks on me. "And we've had a bladder problem ever since that started, right?"

I nod, and he says, "So we're wondering if there's some medicine that can help."

"Let's go out to the nurse's station again," the doctor says. "Thanks, Tom. I'll finish up here." The nurse nods, gives me a compassionate smile and moves out of the room.

We make our way out into the hall, and Dad puts me down by the door.

"I'm gonna talk to the doctor about the best way to handle this. You're going to be OK; you can watch me from here. I'll be right over here at the nurses' station. Don't move, OK?"

I hug him once more and he takes a few steps away. I can't hear them talking, but I never take my eyes off them. Until…

"AJ!"

I turn and see Zack coming my way. I hop up and down and hold on to the hand rail.

"Look! I got my brace off," he says, motioning me to his leg. I don't even look. When he's in range, I jump and hug him, catching him off guard and almost knocking him over. He wipes my tears away.

"Whoa. What's wrong?"

Dad steps back over, and Mom joins us.

"Nothing. He was just left alone with a male nurse and got spooked. It's my fault. I didn't even think about it."

He looks real sorry, and Mom hugs him and tells him it's OK.

I get close to Zack's ear and whisper, "I peed my underwear…" He looks surprised.

"…and I need to finish," I continue to whisper. I feel terrible and embarrassed, so I begin to cry harder.

"Dad… can AJ and I go to the bathroom?"

Dad looks at Zack, then at me. When he sees my tears, his eyebrows go up.

"Sure, Zack. We'll wait for you here."

Zack spins around, I hop on his back, and we head to the bathroom.

"Don't worry, little bro, we'll get you all fixed up."

"Aren't you afraid I'm going to pee on you?"

"Nope, cause I trust you to hold it," he says,while we hurry in and out of hallway traffic.

Finally, we make it to the men's room. Leaning as close as I can to one of the four urinals, I pull my little penis out through my fly and I look over my shoulder to make sure Zack is watching over me.

Then I look up to the guys on my right and my left. Their huge penises are peeing next to me. The man on the left looks down to me and catches me looking and smiles at me. He gives me a nod after looking at my penis. I look away down to the floor and begin to count the tiles while mumbling, "…one…two…three…four…five…six…"

Zack must have heard me counting. He touches my shoulder and I jump.

"Hey buddy, are you OK? I thought you had to pee."

I whisper to him, "I can't pee with everyone looking at me."

Zack looks around and picks me up with my pants around my ankles. I hold on to my penis to make sure if it pees, it's in front of me instead of on me. He walks into a stall and sets me down, then closes the door.

"There, now you can pee."

I give him a nod and try and relax. Soon a steady stream blasts from the end of my penis and relief takes over.

"Aaaahhh, that's so good."

Behind me, Zack laughs at me and rubs my back while I pee for another whole minute.

"Wow, you really had to go. I'm glad you didn't let that go while you were on my back."

I giggle a little while I shake it three times, and then turn around.

"Let's check on the damage."

He pulls my underwear up to my knees. He sees the yellow markings all over the front and watches it drip into my jeans. His eyes rise to mine and he looks me in the eyes.

"Look, I'm not going to fib to you. You've peed your underwear pretty well. So, the choice you have is to go commando — no underwear — or wear the pee underwear."

His face softens as I try to decide and tears start falling from my shaky eyes.

"I'm sorry, Zack. Don't be disappointed."

He smiles and kisses me on my lips and moves me to sit down on the toilet. He slides off my pants, then my underwear, and then he leans down, taking my penis in his mouth. I moan slightly.

He slides a finger into my mouth, and I suck on it to keep quiet. The deeper and more intimate little moans slip through, though.

He pulls off, licks his lips, and goes back down. He licks around my penis and balls, causing me to whimper.

He sits up and grins at me.

"Well, I have to get you clean."

He puts my pants back on, fits my cowboy boots on tight, and smells my underwear.

"Yuk! Don't those smell like pee?"

"Yup. But it's your pee, and I love everything about you. I will never be disappointed in you, AJ."

I meet Zack's smile with one of my own and he spins around, so I climb on his back. After washing our hands, he throws away my underwear and suggests we ask for a couple of new packages of underwear when we're at the store later.

As we leave the bathroom, I look back to see a man taking my underwear out of the trash, smelling them, and slipping them into his pocket. Some people are just weird.

We rejoin our parents and Zack hands me off to Dad, and he allows me to climb on his back. I lay my head on his back and Zack holds my knee. I'm not a huge fan of going commando, honestly. It kind of rubs on my penis, giving me a stiffy. But it could be worse. I could have peed in my underwear.

Zack

On the way to the Farm & Feed store, dad stops at a medical store. AJ looks at me, and I can clearly see that he's upset.

"Hey buddy, calm down. We'll only be here for a little while."

He looks at his mom and turns a shade or two of red. He looks embarrassed to tears.

"I don't want to do this now!"

"AJ, honey, I'll stay in the car. Jack will help you, OK?"

I give AJ a reassuring hug.

"Do you want me to come too?"

"Yes," he whispers, as he hides his face in my shoulder.

Dad helps AJ out of the SUV and hikes him high in the air on his shoulders. AJ looks back at me and I reach up with his crutches. I tap him on his back with them, making him giggle as he swats at them.

Once we get onto the sidewalk dad puts AJ down and I help him with his crutches. Opening the door, I watch him hobble into the store. Dad and I follow, and the smell of a hospital wafts over me, curling my nose. It doesn't seem to bother AJ. I think he just wants to get this over with.

"OK young man, now on every trip after this, I will bring you here and you will have to come in by yourself to get your own pull-ups."

AJ spins around and he looks at me with his famous puppy dog eyes. Dad kneels down in front of him.

"Don't look to him for help, he won't be with us. Listen Son…" AJ looks at him when he mentions the word `Son.' I want to hug him, but I know Dad's trying to do something, so I wait and watch.

"…you're having a wetting problem. We will give you the things you need to fix it, but soon, the only person that can fix it is you. Not me or Zack.

"I'm guessing it was a defensive measure against what Michael was doing, and now your body can't stop. So today I'm going to show you what to buy, and from now on after this, it's up to you, OK?"

AJ looks ashamed, smaller somehow.

Dad lifts his chin.

"Don't be ashamed, AJ. You know what? I had a major bed-wetting problem when I was your age. This is what my father did, and it worked.

"I'm proud of you to tell Zack and me about your problem. That is the first step. This is the second."

He picks up AJ and hands me the crutches.

"Let's see what will be best to fix our problem." He gives AJ a little bounce on his hip and heads down the hall.

Standing in front of the pull ups — kid diapers — we find AJ's age, and end up finding his waist size a couple years younger.

I look around to make sure there isn't any other kids here. I don't want any of our friends to see us here.

Dad pats my chest and says, "Eyes forward there, Zackary." He used my full first name. He never does that unless he is disappointed in me or he is really, really pissed.

AJ looks at me as if he's upset with me, then Dad gives him a little shake, grabbing his attention.

"AJ, I need pure honesty here. What type of problem do you have?"

He shrugs.

"I don't know."

"Well, I don't think you're peeing your pants, just your underwear. Have you peed your sheets?"

"No," and he shakes his head back and forth.

Dad looks at me and I shake my head, too. He puts down the pull-ups and picks up the other package of something called, Under-Pads.

"I'm thinking you only need these during the day since you only have a problem with dribbling. I can smell it at the end of the day. These things have a sticky side that Zack will help you put in your underwear in front of your, uh… penis. So, when you go back to school on Monday…" and he gives AJ a little squeeze. "…you will be protected from small accidents.

"Now, this is not a license to pee your pants, AJ. The idea is that you make it to the bathroom, so you don't need these." AJ takes the package and looks it over, nodding to Dad.

"Now let's see what we can do at night to help. If you're not peeing the sheets, then you're still getting up to pee, just not in time," says Dad as he leads us to an electronics section. He looks through the boxes and picks one to show us.

"This is a dampness alarm. If you start dribbling at night, it will go off at the first sign of wetness. When it wakes you up, you get to the bathroom quickly."

We take our items to the counter and I place two packages of little boy underwear, one of briefs and one of boxers, on the pile.

"He needs these."

Dad nods and pays for them.

Gateway Academy

My three roommates are in the room with me during study time. The senior is on his bed and the junior is on his. The freshman is at my desk, and I sit cross-legged on the floor to his right… naked, following Rule One. I don't want any more punishments.

He periodically reaches down and plays with my hard-on. He's kept me hard going on two hours now. It hurts so badly; I need to cum. I can't wait till they let me just jack-off and release.

Room Rules:

Rule One: The youngest is to be naked at all times, or he will receive a punishment.

Rule Two: Every night there is either a suck day or a fuck day for the youngest.

Rule Three: The door stays open so everyone walking by sees the youngest's shame, or he will receive a punishment.

Rule Four: the youngest will always keep the room clean and orderly. If the room gets a demerit, he will receive a punishment.

These are the rules that I now live by. They were set upon me by my roommates and supported by the management of this school. Just a bunch of homos as far as I'm concerned.

The freshman reaches down and begins to jack me off to keep me hard. He does it till I start breathing heavily or until my body jerks a little, then he stops. If I cum, then he gets a punishment.

I don't think he's a complete faggot. Whatever he's made to do to me, his face isn't enjoying it. He normally says he's sorry. When he's made to fuck me, he cries and whispers in my ear, begging for forgiveness. What a pussy.

The junior, on the other hand, is so into this that I'm surprised he doesn't rape me every night, or kidnap me so he can have me all to himself. He's always willing to hurt me, and he'll normally do it even if he's not asked to. One day last week, the senior had to pull him off me and a med student had to come stop the bleeding from my ass. He's a right o'sicko.

The senior is the fucking leader. Half the time he doesn't even participate. He has me suck him on those days, but he only fucks me when his girlfriend blue balls him. He's more into humiliation and punishment than the actual sex act. With the junior here, he doesn't need to participate. He just has to instruct and then sit back and watch.

There is a knock on the door and we all look up. My cheeks flush red a little when the head boy walks in.

"I see you guys are having fun. The eighth-year has a couple of visitors," he says and winks at me.

"Who's visiting you, cocksucker?" spits out the senior, and he swings his legs off the bed and reaches over with his foot and pushes my head a little.

"You can have your visits here in the room. Because you didn't clear them with me beforehand, you get double the fucks tonight!"

"Yes!!" cheers the junior. "I love double-the-fucks night!"

I sigh and wonder who the hell is here. The senior foots me across my head and has me stand up so my hard-on is more presentable. We wait for my visitors to walk in.

Soon, two large men walk in, a white and a black man. They take in the room and scan the hall to make sure they remember everything in their surroundings. My eyes shift back and forth between them, flashing a little anger.

"About fucking time!" I shout, and walk over to the dresser and get out a pair of underwear. The three roommates, dumbfounded, look at me as I put on the briefs.

"Tell my dumbass roommates your names."

The white man is a little taller. He has a crew-cut, is in an olive green sweater and black slacks, and looks like he could win Mr. Universe.

"You may call me Franklin," he says to them. Then he turns to me.

"Your father sends you his love, and is sorry it took this long to get approval for us to be here."

The black man is bald, in a form-fitting button-up shirt, an open black jacket and black slacks. His hands are on his narrow hips.

"My name is Rick. It's nice to see you sir."

"You have no idea what these assholes…"

I stop, take a breath, turn around, and grab a pair of school pants. I notice my roommates' uniformly wide eyes.

"Oh, you three must be lost. These two men work for me. They have been my bodyguards for five years. They have hidden bodies for me, so don't think for a moment they won't do exactly what I tell them."

I pull my pants up and fish a shirt and a jacket with the school symbol on it from the closet.

"OK, let's get something straightened out. I like your rules, but from now on, they don't apply to me. They apply to you three."

I watch their faces, and the junior is the only one licking his lips. The freshman and senior look like they're about to hyperventilate.

Tying my shoes, I look up to the three of them.

"And… it's not going to be me, you faggots. I'm not queer like you lot. But unfortunately for you three, Franklin and Rick here are. They normally pay top dollar for three queens like you guys. Now they won't have to, will they?

"One of them will always be here in this room, and the other one will always be at my side."

I grab my books and stop at the door.

"Let's see, tonight was double-fuck night, wasn't it? No time like the present."

Rick undoes his belt and pants, dropping them to his ankles. He swings his adult, thick eight-inch dick from leg to leg as I walk out.

The freshman says, with tears already in his eyes, "But they forced me. They've forced me now for two years. I told you how sorry I was and I would never do that to you willingly…"

I drop my books and rush at him as fast as I can, pushing him to the ground. In a rage, I drop to my knees and straddle him, my hands on his chest.

"BUT YOUR CUM IS IN MY ASS AND MY STOMACH! THERE IS SO MUCH OF YOUR CUM IN MY BODY, I CAN TELL YOU THREE APART WHEN I'M BLINDFOLDED!"

I take a minute and shake the visions of the fear I saw in AJ's face; for a moment, I was yelling at AJ.

I look down now at this boy's face. He's just a year older than me, but he seems to be thinner and his face is more girl-like than boy.

I get up and fix my jacket before walking back to the door. I look to Franklin and Rick.

"Not the little one. He belongs to me from now on. Franklin, call someone. He's going to need new sleep wear. Something pink and pretty."

Franklin picks up my books and pulls out his cell phone to make the call.

Chapter Text

AJ

"Mr. Docker, did you read the chapters I assigned while you were gone or not?" Mrs. Harpmen says, in a slightly louder voice than a few seconds ago.

My knees begin to shake as I stand next to my desk. Giggles and whispers come from random places around the classroom, grabbing my attention.

Finally, a student — a friend, and a brother — raises his hand. Mrs. Harpmen gives up on me and says, "Yes, Mr. Garcia?"

Checha Garcia – or what his friends call him, Chet — stands next to his desk and says, "This is the first time you're meeting AJ since you've been back? He won't answer you. It took Mr. Wolde a week, and he still whispers sometimes. May I go talk to him?"

"I think that is highly unnecessary. It is a yes-or-no question, isn't it?"

"Yes ma'am, to you or me, but AJ doesn't understand it that way."

Chet walks over to me and some of the kids that are staring at him.

"AJ, man, you're shaking like a leaf," he says quietly, and when he gets close I wrap my arms around him with a sigh of relief. He pushes me off and looks uncomfortable, then he digs in the front of my backpack's pocket, whispering as he does.

"You're safe here. I won't let anyone hurt you. The whispers you hear are just the other students, nothing to worry about." 

He hands me a gray Rubik's cube and my fingers go to work, earning me some oooo's and ah's.

"Mr. Docker, have you or have you not read the chapters?"

Looking over his shoulder at Mrs. Harpmen, Chet answers, "I'm sure he did."

"How do I know unless he answers me?"

I finish the cube and hand it back to Chet as he hands me the second one.

"Because he's AJ, and he can't just read a chapter, he has to read the whole book. He can't just leave a page unread."

"Mr. Garcia, come up to the board and bring Mr. Docker with you."

Chet whispers that it will be OK, and he waves for me to follow him to the front of the class. Once we get up there, I try to hide behind him as much as possible, but it's difficult, and I can feel all the other kids staring. Their eyes bore into me and their whispers whittle away at my confidence.

Oh no! Not now! I think, as I place my hands over my crotch, holding onto my penis. 

"So, Mr. Garcia says you read the whole book. Is this true?"

I nod sheepishly. Was I not supposed to? Why is she singling me out? Does she hate me already?

She flips through the chapters that were in the reading assignment while my eyes look around Chet and at the other students looking at me. I pinch my legs together and lean my head in the small of Chet's back.

"Mr Docker, explain the theme and its meaning throughout Edgar Allen Poe's `Cast of Amontillado.'" 

"He's not gonna be able to tell you that. The book we are reading is just short stories and poems. It didn't tell us how to do that."

She looks really upset at Chet, and I pull on his shirt to get his attention. Chet turns around to see me almost hoping on one foot to keep myself from peeing my pants.

"Dang AJ! Why didn't you say something? Do you need your bag?"

I nod, and he quickly heads off to retrieve my backpack. "Sorry Mrs. Harpmen, but he…"

"Yes, I noticed Mr. Garcia. Hurry back."

"Yes ma'am," and he gets in front of me and leans down for me to hop on his back.

We make it to the bathroom in time. and I can tell he's really nervous as he fights with my belt on my jeans.

"Shit, how does Zack undo this so fast?" he asks, and I just blush.

"I guess practice. Hurry please!"

His eyes move up to mine and he smiles. 

"Chico malo," he says with a giggle, and spins me around to face the toilet. 

He yanks my jeans down and my briefs slide down also, putting my butt right in Chet's face. I can feel his hot breath on my exposed skin and manage to get a little stiff.

"Ch-Ch-Chet, I-I got it fr-fr-from here."

I take a breath, realizing that I had been holding it the whole time. I look down and make sure my penis is aiming correctly while the stream starts.

Relief washes over me as I finish up and shake it three times. When I check my underwear, I notice that the outside is dry and the pad insert is all yellow.

"I couldn't hold it," I say with a sigh. 

"Uh… well, how bad is it?" Chet asks with uncertainty in his voice.

I turn around and face him with the pad in my hand. 

"Oh. Not bad. The pad worked, so dry underwear." 

Chet takes the pad with two fingers and dumps it into the trash.

"OK, let's get a new pee pad in, so we can get back."

I know he's a little uncomfortable doing this for me, but he does it all the same. Zack gave the lunch-table boys a little class on me where they learned all about me and my… weird stuff, including how to line these things up with my penis. And yes, it was just as embarrassing as you'd think. 

"I'm sorry, Chet," I manage to say softly. "I don't think she likes me." 

"Aw, AJ, she just doesn't know you is all. Is that why you peed, 'cause she was getting after you like that?"

I nod, and he finishes with my belt and gives my butt a playful swat.

"She just doesn't know you yet, but she's going to love you." I give him a smile and he spins around for me to hop on his back.

"I forgot to grab your crutches, so The Back Ride Express will have to do."

I realize you must be pretty lost. Sorry. As we're on the way back to class, let me fill you in on the last three days…

Monday

Back to School (again)

Mom pulls the SUV in front of the school. Zeke jumps out of the front seat and opens the back door while Zack helps me out of my booster seat. Getting my arms into my crutches, I'm greeted by all my friends, welcoming me back. As I climb the front steps, Ms. Simpson, the vice principal, greets me at the top.

"Welcome back, Mr. Docker." 

"Good morning, Ms. Simpson," I greet her, just loud enough to be heard while rocking back and forth on my crutches. 

"Please come to my office as soon as you get inside," she says, then she continues with "Good morning, good morning" to the other students herding past her.

Zack looks at me; we both shrug, and Zeke gives my shoulder a little bro-punch as he opens the door. The twins take me to the office, and standing in the corner with Zeke shielding us from view, Zack kisses me on the lips. 

"Try and enjoy your day. Don't sweat this. I doubt you're in trouble."

"OK, I'll miss you. I'll see you at lunch, right?"

"Don't worry little bro, I'll see you then," Zack says as he lifts my chin and kisses me again. 

Zeke tries to warn us, but he's not fast enough.

"You will be eating lunch together in detention if I see you kissing like this in the halls again," Ms. Simpsons says while she scans the rest of the hall. Zeke hurries away, and Zack holds my hand as he walks away from me till our outer finger tips are touching, then hurries to catch up to his brother. To my right, Ms. Simpsons looks down at me and smiles. 

I'm so embarrassed, I'm frozen in place.

"Mr. Docker, wait for me in my office, please." She holds the door open for me and I crutch inside, taking a seat.

I feel so small in this big chair. Her office has lots of pictures hanging on the wall (fifteen), pencils (seven), chairs (four), plants (five), and flowers (ten) spread around her office. And one name plate on the desk.

The vice principal walks in and shuts the door, startling me. One of my crutches slips from my hand and as she walks by she catches it.

"This is yours, is it not?" She hands it back to me. 

"Yes… ma'am"

Ms. Simpson sits down and opens up a folder. I fidget with my crutch for a moment, and then she looks up at me.

"You know, I was told you were in eighth grade in New York."

"Yes, ma'am."

She gets up and begins to walk around the table.

"I was hesitant to put you fully into eighth grade here, not because I didn't think you were advanced enough, but I wasn't sure you could handle it in a new school." 

She lays the folder in front of me and goes back to sit down in her chair.

"I'm sorry ma'am, I'll try and work harder."

She looks at me and asks that if I'm going to talk to her, to please look at her.

"That's a bad habit you have. Be confident in yourself, and in your answers to people's questions.

"As far as your working harder, I don't see how that is possible. In the folder in front of you are letters from ten teachers asking me to move you to the eighth grade, including your third grade teachers and your geometry teacher."

I open it and look through them, and my expression changes to shock. Ms. Simpson smiles.

"That's not what changed my mind. The second letter is a petition from your classmates trying to convince me that they will protect you from any students that are against having a nine-year-old classmate. As you can see, there are 50 of them. The office people and I have worked together to make sure that every class has at least two or three of these students in every one of your new classes."

"…my new classes? I'm sorry ma'am, I don't understand." 

"The third paper is your new classes," she clicks a button on the desk and says, "Send him in please."

Her door opens and Zack walks in and shuts the door behind him. I give him a little smile.

"Before I have Zack here take you around the second floor and show you where your new classes are, I want to talk to you about being an outed couple."

The horror of her knowing that we are boyfriends slams into me, and I look at her as Zack comes up behind me and lays his hands on my shoulders. 

I lay my hand on his and he whispers, "It's fine. Her knowing doesn't change how I feel about you."

"I think you two are very brave, and the news of you two being boyfriends has gone through the school like wildfire while you've been gone. So I just want you two to know that, and to be prepared for students to say rude and disrespectful things. Zack, I can't have you fighting, even if it's to stand up for AJ's honor. No fighting. Understand?"

Zack says he understands, and then we go to the second floor to see where my classrooms are.

That was Monday, and now it's Wednesday. Chet takes me back to class and Mrs. Harpmen has him drop me off in front of everyone. He does so and goes to get my crutches, brings them to me, and then returns to his seat.

I wrestle with getting my forearms in the crutches, and Mrs. Harpmen asks if I'm good. I give her a nod and wonder what she wants me to do now.

"Mr. Docker, recite the `Cask of Amontillado', please." 

My eyes shift from person to person, and they lean forward to hear what I have to say, knowing it will come from me very softly. I take a deep breath, locate the start of the text in my memory, and begin.

"The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult…"

"Mr. Docker," says the teacher from the back of the room. I didn't even realize she'd moved back there.

"The students and I can't hear you back here. Please start over."

I swallow hard and brace myself on my crutches. I close my eyes and think of Zack. His soft brown hair, with the gentle curls that get out of hand when he lets it get too long, his blue eyes piercing through me, and his soft gentle voice telling me `It's OK to talk to people. You'll have to get used to it in eighth grade.'

I open my eyes and start again in my full voice.

"The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat…"

I keep recalling it and tell the story as loud as I can without yelling. Mrs. Harpmen lets me continue until the end of Edger Allen Poe's story.

When I'm done, there's a pause, and then the class erupts in applause. Even Mrs. Hartman claps for me as she walks towards the front of the room.

"Well done, Mr. Docker. Well done. Please take your seat."

I pass a girl that sits in front of me, and she raises her hand to get the teacher's attention. When she is called on, she turns and asks, kind of shyly, "How did you memorize that whole story?"

Looking around the room, all the eyes are back on me. I look at Chet; he's smiling and shrugs his shoulders and nods.

I stare at my desk and say, as loud and clear as I can, "I remember everything I read. I have a photo-matic memory."

I sigh, glad it's over, and I slink behind my desk as quietly as I can to fall out of sight. 

"I think what you're trying to say is photographic memory. That is interesting, very interesting."

Mrs. Harpmen then changes the subject and asks everyone to face forward. Once I know not everyone is looking at me, I come out from behind my desk to find the girl in front of my desk is still looking at me.

She has strawberry red hair and hazel eyes. Her skin looks really soft, and she's wearing a white and red checkered sleeveless dress. 

She reaches over and lays her hand on mine and whispers, "Hi, my name is Suzie…"

Mrs. Harpmen interrupts her and asks her to look at the chalkboard. She pulls her soft hand from mine.

And… for a split second, I miss the touch of her hand.

Twins

Lunch Time

"I can't believe they went through all our schedules and changed everybody around," complains Alex. "You know, I have to take gym first period now. It sucks. I used to have it at last period, and we didn't have to shower. I could just go home." 

I put my tray on the table and sit down. I take the pudding and the fruit roll up off the tray and set them on the table.

"Look, we all signed the petition agreement to have our schedules moved around to accommodate AJ." I tell him. "There's nothing we can do about it now. Oh, and by the way, not showering after gym class — dude, that's gross!"

Everyone gets a good laugh from the joke, and it reduces the tension in the room. Instead of worrying about what the new order of our classes is, we are now laughing about Alex being afraid to show his dick in the locker room.

"And why? Is it too small? Is it a weird shape?"

"Maybe he's permanently hard and doesn't want to excite the rest of us!"

As we laugh, my biggest concern is that I have to take a music class now. I don't know anything about music. But Mr. Simons says that if I'm not in music class, he's not gonna be able to get AJ to play the piano. The things I do for my boyfriend. At least he has me playing percussion; I'm told any idiot can play the triangle. And it's worth it to hear AJ play the piano.

AJ shows up last at the table with Chet, his crutches slowing him down a little. He works himself over to me, and I help him sit down. He smiles at me, and I mess up his hair. He sets my pudding and fruit roll-up on his tray and says, "Thanks."

"Yup, no problem, little bro," I tell him, and watch him enjoy my pudding before he even eats his sandwich.

I'm lost in his smile, his laugh, his happy face, and I don't even notice the trouble walking towards us. 

"Hi AJ," greets Suzie, and she makes Zeke scoot over so she can sit next to AJ. Zeke's a little shocked and leans forward to look at me. I shrug at him and decide to watch the show. 

"Oh, hi Suzie. You…umm, like lunch?"

I have to giggle a little at his discomfort. Suzie is a nice girl and all, but it's odd that she is giving AJ attention. He's blushing like crazy and hasn't taken his eyes off her since she sat down. Then to my surprise, he hands her his two fruit roll-ups. 

My mouth falls open, and I must look hurt, because across from me Chet leans over and whispers, "Hey, earth to Zack… are you OK?"

"Umm… yeah, I ah… I'll see you guys later."

And before I can think about my actions or their consequences, I pick up my tray and my trash, and I leave the lunch table and hurry from the room. I don't turn around, not even when AJ calls out my name.

Once I'm out, I wipe the tear that has fallen down my left cheek and curse myself for being an emotional child.

AJ

I watch as my boyfriend leaves the lunch room. It's so unexpected. He doesn't say `bye' or `talk to you later,' he just gets up and hurries off.

"Hey Zeke, what's wrong with him?"

"Well AJ, little bro, I don't think it's my place. I think you need to talk to Zack."

I'm not sure what he's talking about. Did I do something wrong? Then Brian speaks up.

"Hey Zeke, are you OK? Why are you crying?"

Zeke, surprised, touches his cheek and pulls his finger away to see the unknown tear.

"This isn't mine," he says, and he looks at me really sad.

Suzie is talking about something, but I'm not really paying attention. If Zeke says that it's not his tear, that means it's Zack's and he must be really hurting if Zeke is feeling his pain.

What did I do?

Grabbing my tray, I get up and I try to balance my tray and crutches until Zeke sees me having trouble and offers to take my tray back. I thank him and get my crutches under me. I spent the rest of the forty minutes for lunch looking for Zack up and down the halls. I can't find him and I start to worry, but the bell rings, ending lunch, so I just head to the music room.

I get there first, as I was pretty close when the bell rang. I sit on the piano bench. My legs swing back and forth as I wait, and one by one the eighth graders file in, unpack their instruments, and take their seats. I eagerly watch the front door looking for a glimpse, a piece of clothing, or even a kid with his hair color — anything that might let me know he's here, but there's no sign of him. Finally, with just seconds to spare, Zack slips into the room. He hurries to his position, picks up his music and puts it on the stand. He never once looks at me.

Did I say something wrong? Was I not supposed to eat his pudding? He always gives me his pudding.

Music class goes as usual, but my heart isn't in it. Mr. Simons has to stop the song several times because I either miss my cue or play the wrong part. I am doing terrible fingering and I don't even care; all I care about is that throughout the forty minute class, Zack doesn't smile, make a silly face at me, or even look at me. The ring that hangs around my neck suddenly feels twenty pounds heavier.

As soon as the bell rings, all the kids jump up and run to the cubbies where their cases are stored. I try to fight my way through the crowd to get to Zack, but he leaves without me. Standing at the door, I'm not sure what to do. 

"Hey AJ, why are you standing there?" asks Suzie as she walks by.

"My uh… my boyfriend didn't wait for me. I don't have anyone to carry my bag to the gym class," I tell her while trying to hold back how upset I really am.

She picks up my bag and says, "I'll walk with you. You have a boyfriend? That's cool. Why didn't he wait?"

I walk alongside her and respond, "I'm not sure. I must have said or done something wrong. I've never seen him mad at me before."

"Wow, sucks. Want me to ask around? I'm pretty good at finding things out."

"That would be great," I tell her and wipe a tear away, trying to act as cool as I can. She gives me a smile and hands me my bag. I take it and set it on the floor, and when I look up, she kisses me on the cheek. 

My hand goes to my cheek as if I'm trying to hold that soft, warm, tingling feeling there. I watch her walk down the hall and can feel my face turn red when she turns back to see me staring.

"Don't worry little AJ, I'm sure your boyfriend isn't mad at you." Then she turns and mixes with the other students.

I must have stood there for the whole time students changed classes, because the next thing I know, Coach is standing next to me. 

"You plan on coming to the gym any time soon?" he asks, and I give my head a little shake. I look up at him, and he's got my backpack over one of his shoulders. 

"Um, yeah… sure. Sorry, Coach," I whisper, and hurry in.

I work my way to the bleachers and sit next to the coaches' stuff. He sets my bag next to me and we chit-chat about when I get my leg brace off. Soon the kids come from the locker rooms and join us, and I sit and watch while the coach runs them through some warm-ups.

My thoughts about Zack begin to drive me crazy, and I look around the room for something to count. Sticking out of the coach's bag is a gray binder that says 'Soccer' on the end. 

I pull it from the bag and open it to see pages and pages of X's and O's arranged in lines with arrows. After turning a few pages in their plastic sleeves, I realize it's his playbook. But all these plays are wrong. They're clumsy, and the geometric angles are off.

I get a marker from my bag and begin to correct the plays. I get most of them done before the bell rings. I set the binder next to Coach's stuff and my marker is back in my bag just in time for Wild to rush out of the boys' locker room. 

"Hey mate, you ready to go home?" I give him a quick nod and he slings my backpack over his shoulder. "We've got that massive, nasty geometry test on Friday. Can I come over tonight or tomorrow and have you help me go over it?"

"I'll ask Mom, but I don't see why not. I'll text you."

"Too right! Thanks little bro," says Wild, and he messes up my hair.

We get to my locker and neither of the twins are there. That is odd. Wild bumps fists with me and heads to his locker. I swap out the books I'll need for homework and the ones I need to help Wild with.

I'm waiting long enough to begin thinking How am I supposed to get this backpack on my back and crutch out at the same time? when Zeke comes running up.

"I'm so sorry AJ, I had to stay after class. Apparently Mrs. Dobbs took my farting to be horseplay instead of bad cafeteria food," he says, laughing at his memories of the event. "Anyway, let's get you out on the bus." 

On the bus I search the faces, looking for my boyfriend. The driver closes the door and yells for me and Zeke to sit down. I frantically look for Zack and can't find him. The bus lurches forward, and the driver yells at me again to sit down. I give up and sit in the empty seat near me.

To my surprise, I hear, "Why AJ Docker, are you stalking me?" 

Suzie! I look up and she turns around and looks over the seat back in front of me.

"Did you find out why he's so mad at me?" 

Suzie looks like she doesn't want to say what she knows.

"I can confirm he's mad. Well, he's more pissed than mad."

I slump in my bus bench as if all the air has gone out of my body.

"What did I do?"

She shrugs, "He's not telling anyone, but my sources say it might be something you did." 

I pull my backpack onto the seat and open it. Digging through it, I mutter, "Where is it…it's got to be here." Books and folders gather next to me on the seat as the search continues. 

Suzie makes sure the bus driver can't see her, and she swings out and changes to my seat. "AJ, calm down. You're going to get yourself worked up. What are you looking for? Maybe I can help."

Reaching deep into my bag, I find what I'm looking for, and I pull out the large hoop of rope with 537 washers on it. I immediately count the washers as I rock back and forth. Eleven- twelve- thirteen- fourteen…

My mind slips into its comfort zone as my fingers smoothly slide through the homemade counting machine. My eyelids grow heavy and the sounds of the chaotic bus begin to fade. I can hear Suzie shouting, but her words are muted and I don't have the strength to turn and look at her. …seventy-six… seventy-seven… seventy-eight… seventy-nine…

Twins

I'm not sure what feels worse: being jealous of a girl, or that I can't stop myself from feeling it.

I'm being stupid sitting all by myself at the back of the bus. I hid from AJ when he got on. I just need time to think this through. I watch him through the cracks people leave me as they move about and laugh with their friends. He looks upset as he looks around for me, but the bus driver makes him sit in an empty seat, and he's so small that I lose sight of him. 

Soon I realize I'm being a dumbass, and I stand up to switch seats at the next stop. Then I see Suzie's head pop over the seat,

Damn it! Doesn't she realize he's nine? She's macking on essentially a third-grader. What is she up to?

I can kind of make out that she's talking about me. Then her face changes and she goes serious. She looks around to see if anyone is paying attention, causing me to duck around my seat. When I look over, I see that she is in AJ's seat now and I can only see the top of her head. 

I sit back in a huff, and wonder if I'm being too judgmental that that hussy is hitting on my boyfriend.

Suddenly, she stands up and looks around at the back of the bus.

Her face… I recognize that look. It's the look of being afraid and not knowing what to do.

"Zeke! Zack!" she yells. 

"Sit down back there!"

I stand up along with Zeke, and she spots me.

"Zack! Help!" She can't even form complete sentences because she's so fearful.

I head up the aisle, and Zeke matches my pace but goes over the seats, startling the kids.

Suzie moves out of the way, and the bus swerves to the shoulder, coming to a stop with the brakes screeching. 

I get to AJ's seat and I knock his books out of the way. Zeke lands on the other side of him, doing the same. AJ is shaking mildly, and his hands are tightly gripped around his counting rope. Between the two of us, we flip him over and I pull up his shirt. 

"Someone call 911!" Zeke stands and shouts. then squats down. "This is your fault!" He holds AJ's legs so he doesn't get kicked in the face.

"My fault? It's not my fault, it's hers," I yell back, flipping my thumb at Suzie.

"My fault?" she shouts.

Looking at AJ's lower back I can see his injector is empty

"How can this be empty?"

"Didn't you fill it this morning?"

Did I forget?

It was our first day back, and it took everything I had to keep AJ on target this morning. Did I forget? No, I couldn't have. I always do it after he pees.

"No! Of course I didn't forget," though I'm not completely sure of that fact. "I need my bag, hurry!" 

"Here," yells Brian. "Heads up!"

Zeke stands up and catches it, then squats down, and begins to dig through it as I hold AJ's small body. Soon I see small puddles on the back of his neck and realize I'm crying.

"Hold on, lover, just a little longer."

Zeke finds the object I'm looking for. I take the small black box and unzip it to reveal a syringe and two small bottles. I rip open the plastic and draw from the first bottle into the syringe. 

AJ jerks, almost kicking Zeke off the seat and headbutts me in the nuts. My eyes cross and I think I'm blacking out. A group of hands catch me and hold me up in the seat. Brian is shouting at me.

"Zack! Zack!"

I shake my head, grabbing the second bottle and drawing it through the needle into the syringe. Once I get what I need, I shake my hand, mixing up the two medicines, and insert the odd-looking syringe into AJ's injector. The liquid fills the boxes' reservoirs and the small red light turns green. Pulling his shirt down, I flip him back over, with Zeke's help, and cradle his head to my chest. 

I can't stop crying, and eventually Zeke breaks up the crowd to give me a few quiet moments alone with him. By the time the ambulance arrives, I've apologized twenty-six times and promised thirteen times that I'll never leave his side again.

The paramedics remove the rope hoop, still gripped in his little hands, and lift him out of the bus. Zeke and I are allowed to go with him in the ambulance after I make a scene.

I hold AJ's hand, reassuring him that I'm here by his side while the paramedics take his vitals. Zeke is on his cell calling Mom, filling her in on what's happened. 

Later that night, the door opens and our family enters the house. Bringing up the rear is me with a sleeping AJ on my back. 

"Zack, be a dear and take AJ to bed," Mom asks after helping AJ off with his jacket. 

AJ stands on wobbly legs as he protests going to bed so early, but he almost falls asleep standing there and I have to catch him. Laughing, Dad hikes him on my back, and I reach back to hold onto his legs.

"You OK, Zack? Want me to carry him up?"

"No, I'm OK. I deserve this."

I see Mom and Dad exchange looks, and then Dad messes up my hair.

"Alright, but once he falls asleep — and make sure he goes right to bed, no sex fun tonight — make sure you come down for a talk."

"Well, that's my cue," says Zeke as he climbs off the couch and heads for the basement. "I'll be in my room."

"Sit down, young man. This will include you," Mom says. She heads to the kitchen to get some wine, I'm guessing. 

On my way up the stairs, I get a look from Zeke and I receive a feeling of fear. What would he be afraid of?

I sit AJ on the bed, undress him, take off his glasses and hearing aid, place the pee alarm over his dick, and tuck him under the covers. I really must be feeling guilty, I don't want to strip him and have sex with him.

He moans a little and mumbles to me, so I sit down, rub his back, and repeatedly tell him, "I'm here" and "I love you too, it's OK." After a few seconds, the soft sounds of repeating breaths come, and I get up slowly and leave, closing the door softly. 

When I get to the first floor, I go to sit next to Mom on the couch.

"No, you sit down with your brother," says Dad as he comes in holding a cup of coffee. 

I get up, trudging my way over to the loveseat to sit down next to Zeke. I push his leg over on his side, and he pushes my shoulder.

"Stop it, both of you."

Dad is leaning on the archway trim. He takes a deep sigh, giving us `that look'. The one we both know so well. The one that makes us feel guilty, even if we don't know why.

But this time… we both have plenty to feel guilty about.

Chapter Text

Twins

"Which one of you wants to start?"

We both look around so as not to look at each other, and suddenly there's a stabbing pain in my head. A thought that isn't my own says, You almost killed him. You go first!

I turn on my brother, who's recovering from his own stabbing pain in the head, and I grab him by the shirt, bringing him closer to me. I yell in his face.

"You take that back!" 

He grabs my shirt and pulls me even closer than I had him and shouts.

"I didn't mean to, but I had to, to protect AJ!"

Our eyes go wide. Our grips loosen even before Dad and Mom jump up to pull us apart. 

I spring up and take a few steps back.

"How did you know I was thinking that?"

Zeke stares at me hard and his voice cracks.

"I didn't say that out loud. What's going on?" 

I turn and look into Dad's eyes and rush to him. He takes me into his arms.

"Calm down, boys. I was hoping this would skip a generation. You two are holding on to some massive secrets, and you're beginning to share those thoughts, whether you want to or not.

"You're twins. You two can't have secrets from each other. One way or another, it will come out."

He moves me back to look me in the eye.

"Now, tell me."

My eyes fill with more tears and I start to talk, but my voice cracks and I cough. He lets me calm down and nods for me to continue.

"I think….I, uh… I think I forgot AJ's…" the last word sticks in my throat. I shake my head and look at Mom, pleading with her not to make me say it. 

"Aw, honey," she says with open arms, and I shift into her warm embrace.

"The injector broke. It wasn't something you did or didn't do. And when you were needed, once again, you stepped up. And I still have my son."

She holds my head and pushes it away to look me in the eyes.

"You did good. You didn't panic, and you did everything right. You both didn't panic, and you are great brothers. A great team."

The doubt I've been carrying all evening falls away, washing me in the light of relief. I feel so much better that I hadn't inadvertently tried to kill my boyfriend.

At that moment, I had totally forgotten about Suzie. Leave it to Zeke to remind me. 

"AJ probably would have been fine, though, if you hadn't treated him like shit all afternoon! Where were you? He spent every minute he could looking for you, but you disappeared. The rest of us had to pick up the slack!

"We don't have the connection you two have, but we did the best we could. Did you know he peed his pants twice and had to let his friends help him? Because you were just gone! Chet and Brian said he was almost in tears. You flaked on him!"

Dad steps in between us, expecting what's coming. I pull my shoulders away from Mom and stand my ground. Her soft touch is still on my shoulders, as if she is afraid to let me completely be without restraint.

"Take it back!"

"You're such a great big brother to him, aren't you? Then some girl holds his hand and kisses his cheek and you lose sight of what should matter. He loves you, you idiot!"

Zeke walks towards me, and Dad lays a hand on his chest, holding him back, but he doesn't get in the way, so we can talk face-to-face.

When he started talking about Suzie holding AJ's hand and kissing him — kissing him, I didn't even know that! — Mom's grip becomes like vice grips and holds me a few feet from my brother.

"She kissed him? He let her kiss him!" I'm practically yelling at him at this point.

"Look at you, unraveled by a girl! You are so jealous you would rather sit alone on the bus and hide, than be with the one you love. You know, I love him too, just as much as you, and I stepped aside, like I always do for you! The way you acted today, you don't deserve him."

I recoil and look between Mom and Dad. Zeke is still going.

"I should have never let you talk to him first. He would have fallen for me if I had just acted like I normally do. But I didn't, did I? No, I knew you were as in love with him as I was. You have no idea what I sacrificed to protect him. I've done things I can't even talk about! I've seen things I can't unsee!"

Those words hang in the air and Mom and Dad exchange looks.

A massive wave of disgust and hatred slams into me, almost knocking me to my knees. I'm wincing.

"…sacrificed what? You're talking about Missy, aren't you? What did she have on you that was so damning that she could make you do those things?" 

Dad speaks up and interrupts Zeke.

"Looks like a lot has gotten aired out here today. Let's retreat back to our corners and calm down. We're gonna do this again tomorrow night, and we'll keep doing it till you two are finished fighting!"

I really want to know what he must have done that was so bad he wouldn't want his own twin to know, but Dad is right. I'm suddenly exhausted. Mom gives me a hug and asks me to meet her in her room. I nod and head that way, but not before giving Zeke one last glare. He is returning my glare and Dad turns his head so he has to look at him while he is giving him a butt chewing. 

In Mom's room I head over to the bed, and sit down as she closes the door. She sits next to me, and I instantly lay my head in her lap and confess.

"I hate that she's touching him. And the thought of her kissing him is… I can't stop myself from thinking the worst. What if he likes kissing girls? What if he wants a girlfriend also?"

Mom giggles a little and says, "I wouldn't worry about it. AJ wouldn't know how to feel. He's still in that `Girls are yucky' phase.

"He loves you, Zack, and you need to stop fretting over whether he truly does. I'm telling you, as his mother — he loves you more than life itself."

I sit up and shyly look into her eyes.

"How do you know?"

"Oh Zack, his every thought is of you. When he wakes up, or talks about school, or anything, your name is always included. He only thinks of you. No girl's kiss will change that. It took a kiss from a caring, respectful, mature, responsible, and loving young man to capture his heart. The sooner you accept this, the happier you'll be."

"How can you be so calm about me and AJ? I mean… how can you not be mad that he and I… do stuff? You're so nice to let me sleep in the same bed and kiss him in the open… why? My friend's moms would freak."

She smiles and gives me a warm hug.

"Did you know that AJ wasn't supposed to live past his sixth birthday? See, young boys have a small growth spurt around that age — trust me, none of your clothes fit for very long. I was told that when he hit that growth spurt, his spine would not withstand the pressure, and I would lose him."

She's quiet for a little bit. Then she wipes her tears and continues.

"But it came and went, and my little AJ powered through it. He couldn't talk for a year, and he came out of it with stunted growth. That's why he's so small. Puberty is going to be a big deal for him because he has his second growth spurt, and he barely made it through the first one. I just want him to be as happy as he can be between now and then.

"Zack I don't mean to scare you, but he will need you when it starts. He's already showing signs, and there isn't anything that be done but sit and wait."

She gives me some time to hash out what she has just said. Then she tells me we should go check on my brother. But before we leave the room, she turns me around.

"Look, I'm making this completely clear. You are not to bug your brother about the video Missy used to blackmail him. Your father and I don't want you or anyone else to see it. It's a shame we couldn't stop Zeke from seeing it. Honey, you can't undo it once you've seen it, and if you saw it, it would hurt AJ so much. So, I don't want you to mention it anymore, understand?"

I stand there a little shocked, and all I can do is nod.

What could Missy have on Zeke that could have hurt AJ so badly that they won't let me see it or talk about it? Did he do something to AJ?

Jack

Zeke watches the rug to make sure it's not moving, I guess, as I watch Alice and Zack go upstairs to her room. So far, it's going to plan. Well, I didn't see their twin connection extend to thoughts already. That was a surprise. I think their father and I couldn't do that until high school. I'll have to sit them down later and talk about it. It looked like that was the first time for them both. Tensions are so high nowadays, it's no wonder why it's happened now. 

Once we're alone, Zeke stands up and walks over to me and rests his head on my chest. On the way to me, I can see his shoulders quivering, giving me the clue that he's crying. I wrap him up with my one arm while trying to not spill coffee on him.

"Hey, what's the matter?"

His crying is blurring his speech, so I move us to the couch. He sits down and lays in my lap.

"He knows I'm hiding something. I can't keep it from him much longer. It's easier if I just avoid him, but the closer he gets, the worse I feel. And he knows."

I hand him a Kleenex and he dries his tears and blows his nose. 

"Zeke, the guilt you have for seeing that video, and the things Missy made you do, is not only tearing you apart, but your brother also. You are both moody and biting each other's heads off. Zack is even getting after AJ. I want you to see Doctor Ford. She helped AJ, and I think it'll help you."

"Uncle Jack, I don't want to! I can do this. I just need more time."

"Always the tough one. After your father died, I spent years with Dr. Ford. Give her a chance, OK?"

Zeke studies my face and gives in, "Oh… OK, I'll give her a chance. But tell her up front, I'm not talking about that video. It's bad enough I have nightmares about it, I'm not going to relive it during the day."

I'm about to tell him no promises, when Zack and Alice come down the stairs. Zeke quickly machos up and sits on the loveseat.

Twins

We rejoin the rest of the family down in the family room. Zeke is sitting on the loveseat and I can tell he's been crying. Mom joins Dad on the sofa and I sit next to my brother. An uncomfortable silence falls over the room, and then, as if a mouse is speaking as it's moving through the room, Zeke says, "Sorry. I take it back."

I sit there, not sure what to do. I offer him my fist and he bumps it.

Dad smiles and Mom begins to talk.

"OK, now that that's out of the way, no more fighting you two. We need to talk to you about Missy." 

I get a wash of disgusted shame from Zeke, and I have to hold my head to keep from passing out.

"You have to get that under control! I don't know what is happening to us, but you have to get your feelings under control!"

"Sorry," he says as he struggles with his emotions. "I'm not as good at this as you are."

Mom and Dad exchange looks, and he lays his hand on her lap, reassuring her that we'll be OK. I grit my teeth and manage to get hold of myself again.

"I'm good now," I say, still holding my head. "Can I sit over by you guys? Or at the bar would be best."

"Nope," Dad says quickly, as if he was expecting my question. "You will have to get used to this, managing you and your brother's current emotions. It's a good training tool. Welcome to being twins."

He knows I hate it when he says that.

Dad nods to Mom and she takes over.

"Missy has been enrolled in a boarding school for girls. She leaves tomorrow morning. Zeke will be moving into her room. Your father and I will sit down with AJ when he wakes up and fill him in on what's going on. We will be only telling him what he needs to know. You two will not fill in the blanks. While we talk to him, you two will be outside playing basketball. And not fighting."

"But it's freezing out there!" I interrupt. 

"Then you can do chores!" Dad says. "The horses haven't been brushed and cleaned, and I'll be checking hooves. So work together and get it done."

We both nod in agreement with a sigh. Zeke's feelings are mellowing out. Either we're starting to get the hang of it, or we're just thinking about doing chores in the cold night air.

Jack

The boys walk over to get their jackets, boots and hats on while Alice goes and gets AJ. I watch them, making sure they don't start up again. When it looks safe, I head to the kitchen to get more coffee, and when they walk by, I remind them.

"No fighting! I cannot be more serious. You are twin brothers. Act like it."

I get half-assed agreements and reassurances as they head out the back door.

Truth be told, the horses don't need brushing or their shoes worked on, but I know that if they're in the house while we talk to AJ, it won't work. Talking to AJ is going to be uncomfortable. He's bound to get upset and loud, and it's going to take time to get him calmed down. 

Alice comes down with AJ, who's in his underwear and has his throw blanket around his shoulders. He still looks half asleep. We really should wait, but with Missy leaving tomorrow, he has to know.

She sits him on the couch, and he rubs one of his eyes as he yawns groggily. She opens the end table drawer and removes AJ's black emergency medicine pouch. I really regret that we couldn't have had this talk with him earlier. We were going to talk to all three of them after they got home on the bus, but shit happens. 

"AJ, honey, we have to talk to you, and it's important. Can you stay awake for what we have to tell you?" his mother asks.

He gives a little nod and brings the blanket tighter around himself, lifting his feet on the couch and bringing his knees to his face. 

Alice looks at me, and I give her a nod, even though I know he's not ready for this.

"AJ, what I have to tell you is going to upset you. I need you to remain as calm as you can," she says in a soft tone. His face changes a little as concern begins to cross his little face.

"Tomorrow morning, before you get up, I will be taking Missy to a special school."

His little eyes shift back and forth between the two of us.

"…and?"

"…and she'll be gone until summer break," Alice responds, and then waits for his reaction. 

"OK… where's Zack?" he asks, with very little interest in what Missy is doing. 

"Honey, do you understand what Zeke and Missy were doing the night you saw Zeke in the hall?"

I can see it in his face. He's not sure how truthful he wants to be and it almost makes me laugh, but he answers.

"The same thing me and Zack do?" 

"Yes, that's right, except for one huge difference. Zeke didn't like doing it. He felt he didn't have a choice. Do you understand?"

"Yup, Zack already explained it to me. I guess she had a video, and when Zeke saw it, he did anything she asked."

Alice turns to me, and I give her a little shrug. Trying to keep a secret in his house is near impossible.

She leaves the chair next to me and kneels next to AJ.

"Honey, do you know who was on the video?" 

He looks at her and then at me. I try hard to keep my face supportive but steady. Alice reaches up and places her hand on his foot and tries to say something, but the words get caught in her throat.

"Who, Mommy… who was on the video?"

She covers her mouth as if to hold back the news that will crush her little boy's heart. AJ's eyes suddenly open wide.

"No! It can't be!" He kicks at her, knocking her back out of kicking range.

"You said it was deleted!"

He jumps to his feet, throwing the blanket at her. He stomps his feet, accentuating every word.

"You said no one would ever see it… that the police deleted it!"

Anger swells up in him as he swings at the pillows on the couch and turns to swing at Alice. 

My big hand intercepts his hands so as not to hit Alice, who is crying and unable to move.

"AJ, calm down, son!" I say with enough authority to stop the tantrum.

He stands looking at me, as intimidating as a nine-year-old can be if he's trapped in a six-year-old body. His pale chest heaves up and down. His arm muscles are taut with swelling anger, and his eyes are thin as if he's planning his next attack.

"This isn't your mother's fault. The video was emailed to Missy. And she told Zeke she would show everyone at school if he didn't do what she told him to do."

He works through what I've told him, and Alice goes to hug him. He pushes her away and his eyes go wide open again.

"Wait… has Zeke seen the video of me and Daddy?"

His anger is quickly replaced with fear.

"No… no! He's going to hate me! Did he see it all? Please, don't let him see it all!"

I haven't seen the video, so I'm not sure exactly why he's so worked up, but I get the gist. It must be pretty bad for not only AJ to act like this, but for it to reduce my emotionless, tough boy twin son to a crying heap. This poor kid.

"I don't know how much Zeke saw," which is the truth. "But he saw enough that he felt terrible, and was totally on your side. He knew he needed to do something to stop it from getting out." 

AJ begins to walk in a circle, shaking his hands and muttering to himself. Then he erupts.

"Daddy!" he shouts, startling Alice and me.

"Daddy must have sent it! It's a warning! He knows I tattled on him and he's mad!"

He moves around as if he's looking for an exit. I quickly lean over and grab the small boy. He quickly latches onto my neck as I hug him tightly.

"Don't let him get me, Dad! Don't let him hurt me again!"

I rub his back and assure him that I'll protect him no matter what. Tears run down my face as I hold him tight to my chest. Alice stands up and joins us, and we completely wrap AJ in loving arms.

How could anyone hurt this little boy? How messed up would a person have to be?

Twins

I get the horse bucket with all the brushes and other stuff in it and enter Stepper's stall.

"Hey buddy, how you doing? Don't worry, AJ will be riding you in no time."

The brush glides over his hair and I lay my face on his chest. He breathes deeply. and it moves my whole body and feels amazing. "Good boy, Stepper."

Zeke enters the stall next to me, and I can hear him checking the shoes on his horse, Chester.

"Just what I thought, Chester doesn't need shoes. Is Stepper dirty?" 

"No, but he deserves it. He misses AJ, I can tell."

"Look the things I said… I don't think like that — "

Hopping on the stall wall so I can look over at Zeke. I interrupt him.

"Yes you do. You can't hide it from me, remember? You're right, you kind of got the shaft in all this. I owe you everything for the connection I have with AJ. But no matter how I feel about him, our connection is different. And I need it as much as I need air."

Zeke climbs up on the wall next to me and says, with a cheeky smile, "Well, I do miss our crazy sex sessions." Then he wiggles his eyebrows. 

"Those were the great. But making love with AJ is indescribable. He's so passionate… intimate, and untamed. It's like everything is new to me. Something like sucking a dick is an entirely new experience. Zeke, what we did is the definition of fucking. With AJ, I make love."

Zeke lays his head on the wall while he listens to me. I can feel the wheels turning in his thoughts, and then throws one out.

"I would never suggest that you let me have sex with AJ, but how about a threesome? I understand he's your boyfriend, but I would like to be more included. I… miss you. I hate sleeping alone. It's like you've been missing since AJ and you got serious."

He gets very quiet. "Like I've been replaced."

I can feel the hurt in my brother. I think about what he must have been going through these past few months, and I feel terrible. I've been so lost in my love of my little soulmate that I've totally ignored my twin.

"You're right, I feel the void also, and I'm sorry. I'd have to talk to AJ first, you understand, and he'd have to be OK with it… but I bet he would be."

My twin's smile crawls across his face. He leans towards me and my head switches to auto-drive. It leans towards him, turning slightly, and our lips touch softly together. His hot breath on my face feels amazing and everything around me fades into something secondary. The only thing that matters at this moment is the merging of our faces. Our tongues come together and energy floods my mind. He slips over the wall while I unzip my jacket, dropping it to the floor as our tongues connect again. He grabs my head and takes charge of my actions, showing me what's next in our merging. 

His coat hits the floor and my hands fumble with his belt buckle… and he suddenly steps back. His fists are clenched and the look on his face is pure frustration.

"Stop," he says, not looking at me. "We can't… you have to talk to AJ first."

He refastens his belt buckle and picks up his coat. He leaves through the stall door, slamming it hard out of frustration, leaving me on my knees in the straw next to Stepper.

Tears fall quietly as the barn door opens, releasing the cold night air to sweep through the stalls, only to stop suddenly after the barn door shuts. The feeling of loss is too evident to me now, and I weep.

AJ

The covers are pulled back on my bed, and I can feel Zack climbing in. I anticipate him slipping next to me and becoming the big spoon, but he doesn't. He doesn't touch me at all. I turn my head to see what he's doing, and his back is to me. Soft sounds come from him, and I realize he's crying, 

I've never been in this position before. Why is he crying? What should I do? Should I ask?

What would he do if it was me crying in bed?

I pull the bed covers back and slide my legs out to the floor I walk slowly to his side of the bed and pick up his covers. He wipes his eyes and helps me get into bed with him. I cuddle up next to him, placing my head on his chest. I can feel his chin on top of my head. I lace my fingers through his and sigh lovingly.

"This is how we sleep together in this bed," I whisper to him as I look up into his eyes and our lips touch. It is soft and tender. His tongue touches my lips, and I accept it like I accept everything about Zack. Electricity surges through my whole body, causing my dick to stand up, poking him in his belly.

"You're sleeping naked?" He asks with a sniffle.

"I am now," I answer, hoping for a little play.

He hugs me and closes his eyes, getting comfortable on the pillow. "Tonight I just need to hold you, if that's OK."

I figured giving my body to him was the only thing I could do to make him feel better. He's never turned down a chance to play with me. Has he seen the video also? If he has, then he wouldn't want to do anything with me because he'd see that I'm a bad boy.

But maybe I'm over reacting, and he just wants to cuddle. I do feel safe and warm against his bare chest. That must be it. I close my eyes and snuggle as close as I can before I drift back to sleep.

If Zack has seen the video, then he won't want to do anything with me, no matter what the police and my mother say about that night.

In the beginning, I wanted my father to touch me. It excited me! Made me feel loved. I wanted his dick in my ass. My father and I had been working towards that night for over a year.

But Daddy… he changed that night. His soft touch became a steel grip. His kisses became harsh words. His gentle movements became painful thrusts. His motives shifted from making love to me to just wanting to make me scream in pain. He hurt me, he punished me because I am… I am a bad boy.

New York

Some Time Ago

I walk through the office door that says `Johnson's Private Detective Agency' on its frosted glass window. Inside is a small room with two couches and a small coffee table with outdated magazines scattered around it. In the corner is another door. Beside it is an old lady sitting at a small desk.

She looks up at me and says, "Mr. James?" I nod, and she pushes a button on the desk. The door latch buzzes.

After months of no information I am hesitant to go through the door just to hear bad news again. I put my hand on the knob and push it open, stopping the buzzer. 

In the musty office a man sits at an old desk cluttered with papers, a phone, a very expensive camera, and other normal things found on a desk. The man is straight out of a 1950's movie. If he was in black and white I wouldn't be surprised one little bit. He's dressed in a white shirt with his red tie loosened, hanging around his neck like a noose. His almost bald head is encircled by the smoke trailing from a half burnt cigarette.

"Mr. James! I've got good news today."

My hopes go up as I take a seat by the desk. He puts a folder in front of me.

"Well, the information you gave me about your son's rare spine disease was a huge help. I figured it would pay off if we waited long enough. A hospital had a nine-year-old patient, on your boy's birthday, who died twice, and was brought back to life at the last minute. My contacts went to that hospital and took these photos. Is this your son?" 

I take the photos and begin to cry. I nod and he continues.

"He was under a different last name, which made finding him harder. That ex-wife of yours is a pretty smart lady."

The thought of her stealing the kids away while I was in jail flushes me with anger. I mean she can have the girls, I just want my little man back.

After a moment I realize the PI has stopped talking, so I wipe my eyes and look up to him. He studies me, holding a paper against his chest.

"My payment, in full please."

I place $150,000 in a dark yellow envelope on his desk. He looks at it and smiles, then hands me the paper. 

Unable to wait one second longer, I look at the address.

Mrs. Alice Docker, 53892 Old Bank Road, Cut Bank, Montana.

Docker… Docker… wait, this is the Montana property. And come to think of it, we bought it from an old man by the name of Docker. Hmm, she is smarter than I gave her credit for.

I never thought I could get my loving Wall Street trader out of the big city. And it seems that Amy has changed their names, all except for Andrew Junior. That was dumb, Amy. It made it that much easier to find you.

I look up at the PI.

"This is great! I'll take it from here."

I stand, pick up the folder and head to the door.

"What are you going to do now? Nothing crazy I hope."

I turn back to him and give him a little smile.

"Just take back what's mine."

Heading down to the first floor to sit next to mom on the couch, "No Zack, you sit down with your brother," says dad as he comes in holding a cup of coffee.

I get up, trudging my way over to the love seat and sit down next to Zeke. I push his leg over on his side, he pushes my shoulder, and dad tells us both to stop. He leans on the archway trim and takes a deep sigh, giving us `that look' we both know so well, the kind that makes us feel guilty even if we don't know why. "Which one of you wants to start?"

We both look around so as not to look at each other, and then it is like a stabbing pain in my head as a thought that isn't my own says, "You almost killed him. You go first!" I turned on my brother, who was recovering from his own stabbing pain in his head, and I grabbed him by the shirt, bringing him closer to me and yelling in his face, "You take that back!"

He grabs my shirt and pulls me even closer than I had him and shouts, "I didn't mean to, but I had to, to protect AJ!" Our eyes go wide and our grip loosens even before dad and mom jump up to pull us apart.

I jump up and take a few steps back, "How did you know I was thinking that?"

Zeke stares at me hard and his voice cracks, asking, "I didn't say that out loud. What's going on?"

I turn and look into dad's eyes and rush to him. He takes me into his arms and says, "Calm down, boys. I was hoping this would skip a generation. You two are holding on to some massive secrets, and you're beginning to share those thoughts if you want to or not. You're twins. You two can't have secret from each other. One way or another, it will come out."

He moves me back to look me in the eye, "Tell me," he said.

My eyes fill with more tears and I start to talk, but my voice cracks and I cough. He lets me calm down and nods. "I think....I, um think... I forgot AJ's..." the last word sticks in my throat. I shake my head and look at mom, pleading with her not to make me say it.

"Awwwee honey," mom says with open arms, and I shift into her warm embrace. "The injector broke. It wasn't something you did or didn't do. When you were needed, once again, you stepped up, and I still have my son." She holds my head and pushes it away to look me in the eyes to say, "You did good. You didn't panic, and you did everything right. You both didn't panic and are great brothers." The doubt I have been carrying all evening falls away, washing me in the light of relief. I feel so much better that I didn't inadvertently try and kill my boyfriend. At that moment, I had totally forgotten about Suzie. Leave it to Zeke to remind me.

"AJ probably would have been fine though if you hadn't treated him like shit all afternoon! Where were you? He spent every minute he could looking for you and you disappeared. The rest of us had to pick up the slack! We don't have the connection you two have, but we did the best we could. Did you know he peed his pants twice and had to let his friends help him because you were just gone! Chet and Brian said he was almost I tears. You flaked on him!"

Dad steps in between us, expecting what's coming. I pulled my shoulders away from mom and stood my ground. I can still feel her soft touch on my shoulders, as if she is afraid to let me completely be without restraint. "Take it back!"

"You're such a great big brother to him, aren't you? Then some girl holds his hand and kisses his cheek and you lose sight of what should matter. He loves you, you idiot!"

Zeke walks towards me, and dad lays a hand on his chest, holding him back, but dad doesn't get in the way so we can talk face-to-face. When he started talking about Suzie holding AJ's hand and kissing him... kissing him, I didn't even know that! Mom's grip became like vice grips and held me a few feet from my brother. "She kissed him! He let her kiss him!" I was practically yelling at him at this point.

"Look at you, unraveled by a girl! You are so jealous you would rather sit alone on the bus and hide, than be with the one you love. You know, I love him too, just as much as you, and I stepped aside for you, like I always do for you! The way you acted today, you don't deserve him." I recoil and look between mom and dad. "I should have never let you talk to him first. He would have fallen for me if I had just acted like I normally do, but I didn't. Did I? No, I knew you were as in love with him as I was. You have no idea what I sacrificed to protect him. I've done things I can't even talk about! I've seen things I can't unsee!"

Those words hang in the air and mom and dad exchange looks. A massive wave of disgust and hatred slams into me, almost knocking me to my knees. I say wincing, "...sacrificed, what... you're talking about Missy, aren't you? What did she have on you that was so damning that she could make you do those things?"

Dad speaks up and interrupts Zeke, "Looks like a lot has gotten aired out here today. Let's retreat back to our corners and calm down. Let's do this again tomorrow night and we'll keep doing it till you two stop fighting!"

I really want to know what he must have done that was so bad he wouldn't want his own twin to know, but dad is right, I'm suddenly exhausted. Mom gives me a hug and asks me to meet her in her room. I nod and head that way, but not before giving Zeke one last glare. He is returning my glare and dad turns his head so he has to look at him while he is giving him a butt chewing.

Entering mom's room, I head over to the bed, and sit down as she closes the door. She sits next to me, and I instantly lay my head in her lap. I confess, "I hate that she is touching him and the thought of her kissing him is... I can't stop myself from thinking the worst. What if he likes kissing girls? What if he wants a girlfriend also?"

Mom giggles a little and says, "I wouldn't worry about it, AJ wouldn't know how to feel. He's still in that `Girls are Yucky' phase. He loves you, Zack, and you need to stop fretting over it if he truly does. I'm telling you, as his mother, he loves you more than life itself."

I sit up and shyly look into her eyes, asking softly, "How do you know?"

"Oh Zack, his every thought is of you. When he wakes up, or talks about school, or anything, your name is always included. He only thinks of you. No girl's kiss will change that. It took a kiss from a caring, respectful, mature, responsible, and loving young man to capture his heart. The sooner you accept this, the happier you'll be."

"How can you be so calm about me and AJ? I mean... how can you not be mad that he and I... do stuff. You're so nice to let me sleep in the same bed and kiss him in the open... why? My friend's moms would freak."

She smiles and gives me a warm hug. "Did you know AJ wasn't supposed to live past his sixth birthday. See young boys have a small growth spurt around that age, trust me, none of your clothes fit for very long. I was told that when he hit that growth spurt, his spine would not withstand the pressure and I would lose him." She's quiet for a little bit. Then she wipes her tears and continues, "But it came and went, and my little AJ powered through it and came out of it with stunted growth and he couldn't talk for a year. That's why he's so small. Puberty is going to be a big deal for him, because he has his second growth spurt and he barely made it past the first one. I just want him to be as happy as he can be between now and then. Zack I don't mean to scare you, but he will need you when it starts. He's already showing signs and there isn't anything that be done but sit and wait."

She gives me some time to hash out what she has just said and then tells me we should go check on my brother. But before we leave the room, she turns me around and tells me, "Look, I'm making this completely clear. You are not to bug your brother about the video Missy used to blackmail him, understand? Your father and I don't want you or anyone else to see it. It's a shame we couldn't stop Zeke from seeing it. Honey, once you see it, you can't unsee it, and if you saw it, it would hurt AJ so much. So, I don't want you to mention it anymore, understand?"

I stand there a little shocked, and all I can do is nod. What could Missy have on Zeke that could have hurt AJ so badly that they won't let me see it or talk about it? Did he do something to AJ?

Jack

Zeke watches the rug to make sure it's not moving, I guess, as I watch Alice and Zack go upstairs to her room. So far, it's going to plan. Well, I didn't see their twin connection extend to thoughts. That was a surprise. I think their father and I couldn't do that until high school. I'll have to sit them down later and talk about it. It looked like that was the first time for them both. Tensions are so high nowadays, it's no wonder why it's happened now.

Once we're alone, Zeke stands up and walks over to me and rests his head on my chest. On the way to me, I can see his shoulders quivering, giving me the clue that he's crying. I wrap him up with my one arm while trying to not spill coffee on him. "Hey Zeke, what's the matter?"

His crying is blurring his speech, so I move us to the couch. He sits down and lays in my lap. "He knows I'm hiding something. I can't keep it from him much longer. It's easier if I just avoid him, but the closer he gets, the worse I feel and he knows," I hand him a Kleenex and he dries his tears and blows his nose.

"The guilt you have for seeing that video and the things Missy made you do is not only tearing you apart but your brother also. You are both moody and biting each other's heads off. Zack is even getting after AJ. I want you to see Doctor Ford. She helped AJ, and I think it'll help you."

"Uncle Jack I don't want to! I can do this. I just need more time."

"Always the tough one. After your father died, I spent years with Dr. Ford. Give her a chance, okay?"

Zeke studies my face and gives in, "Oh... okay, I'll give her a chance, but tell her up front. I'm not talking about that video. It's bad enough I have nightmares about it, I'm not going to relive it during the day." I'm about to tell him no promises, when Zack and Alice come down the stairs. Zeke quickly machos up and sits on the loveseat.

Twins

We rejoin the rest of the family down in the family room. Zeke is sitting on the love seat and I can tell he's been crying. Mom joins dad in the sofa and I sit next to my brother. An uncomfortable silence falls over the room, and then, as if a mouse speaks as it is moving through the room, Zeke says, "Sorry. I take it back."

I sit there, not sure what to do, I offer him my fist and he bumps it. Dad smiles and mom begins to talk, "Okay, now that that's out of the way, no more fighting you two. We need to talk to you about Missy,"

I get a wash of disgusted shame from Zeke, and I have to hold my head to keep from passing out. "You have to get that under control! I don't know what is happening to us, but you have to get your feelings under control!"

"Sorry, I'm not as good at this as you are," he says as he struggles with his emotions.

Mom and dad exchange looks, and he lays his hand on her lap, reassuring her that we'll be okay. I grit my teeth and got myself under control. "I'm good now," I say, while still holding my head. "Can I sit over by you guys or at the bar would be best."

"Nope," Dad says quickly, as if he was expecting my question. "You will have to get used to this and your brother's current emotions. It's a great training tool. Welcome to being twins." He knows I hate it when he says that.

Dad nods to mom and she takes over, "Missy has been enrolled in a boarding school for girls. She leaves tomorrow morning. Zeke will be moving into her room. Your father and I will be sitting down with AJ and filling him in on what's going on when he wakes up. We will be only telling him what he needs to know, you two will not fill in the blanks. While we talk to him, you two will be outside playing basketball and not fighting."

"But it is freezing out there!" I interrupt.

"Then you can do chores! The horses haven't been brushed and cleaned, and I'll be checking hooves, so work together and get it done."

We both nod in agreement with a sigh. Zeke's feelings are mellowing out, either starting to get the hang of it, or fretting over doing chores in the cold night air.

Jack

The boys walk over to get their jackets, boots, and hats on while Alice goes and gets AJ. I watch them, making sure they don't start up again. When it looks safe, I head to the kitchen to get more coffee, and when they walk by, I remind them, "No fighting! I can not be more serious. You are twin brothers, act like it." I get half-assed agreements and reassurances as they head out the back door. Truth be told, the horses don't need brushed or shoes, but I know that if they were in the house while we talked to AJ, it wouldn't work. Talking to AJ is going to be uncomfortable. He's bound to get upset and loud, and it's going to take time to get him calmed down.

Alice comes down with AJ in his underwear and his throw blanket around his shoulders. He still looks half asleep. I think we should wait, but with Missy leaving tomorrow, he has to know. She sits him on the couch, and he rubs one of his eyes as he groggily yawns. She opens the end table drawer and removes AJ's black emergency medicine pouch. Watching him makes me really regret that we couldn't have had this talk with him earlier. We were going to talk to all three of them after they got home on the bus, but shit happens.

"AJ, honey, we have to talk to you and it's important. Can you stay awake for what we have to tell you?" His mother asks. I knew once we started he'd be locked on to every word we said. He gives a little nod and brings the little blanket around himself, lifting his feet on the couch and brings his knees to his face.

Alice looks at me, and I give her a nod, even though I know he's not ready for this. "AJ, what I have to tell you is going to upset you. I need you to remain as calm as you can," she says in a soft tone. His face changes a little as concern begins to cross his little face. "Tomorrow morning, before you get up, I will be taking Missy to a special school."

His little eyes shift back and forth between the two of us and then he says, "...and?"

"...and she'll be gone until summer break," Alice responds, and then waits for him to respond.

"Okay... where's Zack?" He asks with very little interest in what Missy is doing.

"Honey, do you understand what Zeke and Missy were doing the night you saw Zeke in the hall?"

I can see it in his face. He's not sure how truthful he wants to be and it almost made me laugh, but he answers, "The same thing me and Zack do?"

"Yes, that's right, except for one huge difference. Zeke didn't like doing it, and he felt he didn't have a choice. Do you understand?"

"Yup, Zack already explained it to me. I guess she had a video and when Zeke saw it, he did anything she asked." Alice turned to me, and I gave her a little shrug. Trying to keep a secret in his house is near impossible. She left the chair next to me and knelt next to AJ, "Honey, do you know who was on the video?"

He looked at her and then at me. I tried hard to keep my face supportive but steady. Alice reached up and placed her hand on his foot and tried to say something, but the words got caught in her throat. "Who mommy... who was on the video?" Her voice quivered and she covered her mouth as if to hold back the news that would crush her little boy's heart. "No! It can't be!" He kicks at her, knocking her back out of kicking range. "You said it was deleted!" He shouted and jumped up to his feet, throwing the blanket at her. "You said no one would ever see it and that the police deleted it!" He stomps his feet, accentuating every word. Anger swells up in him as he swings the couch pillows on the couch and at Alice.

My big hand intercepts them so as not to hit Alice, who is crying and unable to move. "AJ, calm down, son!" I say with enough authority to stop the tantrum. He stands looking at me as intimidating as a nine-year-old can be if he were trapped in a six-year-old body. His pale chest heaved up and down, his arm muscles were taut with swelling anger, and his eyes were thin as if he was planning his next attack. "This isn't your mother's fault. The video was emailed to Missy and she told Zeke she would show everyone at school if he did t do what she told him to do."

His eyes work through what I told him, and Alice goes to hug him. He pushes her away and yells, "Wait... has Zeke seen the video of me and daddy?" Anger is quickly replaced with fear! "No... he's going to hate me! Did he see it all? Please, don't let him see it all!" I personally have not seen the video myself, so I'm not sure exactly why he's so worked up, but I have the gist. The video must be pretty bad for not only AJ to act like this, but for it to reduce my emotionless, tough boy twin son to a crying heap. This poor kid.

"I don't know how much Zeke saw," which is the truth. "But he saw enough where he feels terrible and is totally on your side. He knew he needed to do something to stop it from getting out."

AJ begins to walk in a circle, shaking his hands and muddling to himself. Then he erupts, "Daddy!" He practically shouts, startling Alice and me. "Daddy must have sent it! It's a warning! He knows I tattled on him and he's mad!" He moved around as if he was looking for an exit. I quickly leaned over and grabbed the small boy. He quickly latches onto my neck as I hug him tightly. "Don't let him get me, dad! Don't let him hurt me again!"

I rub his back and assure him that I'll protect him no matter what. Tears ran down my face as I held him tight to my chest while he broke down. Alice stood up and joined us, completely rapping AJ in loving arms. How could anyone hurt this little boy? How messed up would a person have to be?

Twins

After getting the horse bucket with all the brushes and other stuff in it, I entered Stepper's stall. "Hey buddy, how you doing? Do worry AJ will be riding you in no time," the brush glides over his hair and I lay my face on his chest. Stepper breathes deeply and it moves my whole body and feels amazing. "Good boy, Stepper."

Zeke enters the stall next to me, and I can hear him checking the shoes on his horse, Chester. "Just what I thought, Chester doesn't need shoes. Is Stepper dirty?"

"No, but he deserves it. He misses AJ, I can tell."

"Look the things I said... I don't think like that-"

Hopping on the stall wall so I can look over at Zeke. I interrupt him, "Yes you do. You can't hide your feelings from me, remember. You're right, you kind of got the shaft in all this. I owe you everything for the connection I have with AJ, but no matter how I feel about him, our connection is different and I need it as much as I need air."

Zeke climbs up on the wall next to me and says, with a cheeky smile, "Well, I do miss our crazy sex sessions." Then he wiggles his eyebrows.

"Those were the great. But making love with AJ is indescribable. He's so passionate, intimate, and untamed. It's like everything is new to me. Something like sucking a dick is an entirely new experience. Zeke, what we did is the definition of fucking. With AJ, I make love."

Zeke lays his head on the wall while he listens to me. I can feel the wheels turning in his thoughts as he suggests, "I would never suggest that you let me have sex with AJ, but how about a threesome? I understand he's your boyfriend, but I would like to be more included. I... miss you. I hate sleeping alone. It's like you've been missing since AJ and you got serious. Like I've been replaced."

The last sentence was in a whisper, and I could feel the hurt in my brother. I gave it some thought about what he must have been going through these past few months, and I feel terrible. I was so lost in my love of my little soulmate that I was totally ignoring my twin. "You're right, I feel the void also, and I'm sorry. I'd have to talk to AJ first, you understand, and he'd have to be okay with it, but I bet he'd be okay with it," I tell my twin, and his smile crawls across his face. He leans towards me and my head switches to auto-drive. It leans towards him, turning slightly, and our lips touch softly together. His hot breath on my face feels amazing and everything around me fades into everything secondary. The only thing that matters at this moment is the merging of our faces. Our tongues come together and energy floods my mind. He slips over the wall while I unzip my jacket, dropping it to the floor as our tongues connect again. He grabs my head and takes charge of my actions, showing me what's next in our merging.

His coat hits the floor and my hands fumble with his belt buckle, and he suddenly steps back. His fists are clenched and the look on his face is pure frustration. "Can't... stop... You have to talk to AJ first," Zeke says, not looking at me. He picks up his coat and refastens his belt buckle. He leaves through the stall door, slamming it hard out of frustration, and leaves me on my knees in the straw next to Stepper. Tears fall quietly as the barn door opens, releasing the cold night air to sweep through the stalls only to stop suddenly after the barn door slams shut. The feeling of loss is too evident to me now, and I weep.

AJ

The covers are pulled back on my bed, and I can feel Zack climbing into bed. I anticipate him slipping next to me and becoming the big spoon, but he doesn't. He doesn't touch me at all. I turn my head to see what he's doing and his back is to me. Soft sounds come from him and I realize he's crying,

What should I do? I've never been in this position before. Why is he crying? Should I ask? What would he do if it was me crying in bed? I pull the bed covers back and slide my legs out to the floor I walk slowly to his side of the bed and pick up his covers. He wipes his eyes and helps me get into bed with him. I cuddle up next to him, placing my head on his chest, I can feel his chin on top of my head. I lace my fingers through his and sigh lovingly. "This is how we sleep together in this bed," I whisper to him as I look up into his eyes and our lips touch. It is soft and tender. His tongue touches my lips, and I accept it like I accept everything about Zack. Electricity surges through my whole body, causing my dick to stand up, poking him in his belly.

"You're sleeping naked?" He asks with a sniffle.

"I am now," I answer, hoping for a little play.

He hugs me and closes his eyes, getting comfortable on the pillow. "Tonight I just need to hold you, if that's okay."

I figured giving my body to him was the only thing I could do to make him feel better. He's never turned down a chance to play with me. Has he seen the video also? If he has, then he wouldn't want to do anything with me because he'd see that I'm a bad boy. Maybe I'm over reacting and he just wants to cuddle. I do feel safe and warm against his bare chest. That must be it. I close my eyes and snuggle as close as I can before I drift back to sleep.

If Zack has seen the video, then he wouldn't want to do anything with me. He will see that no matter what the police and mother says about that night. In the beginning, I wanted my father to touch me. It excited me! Made me feel loved. I wanted his dick in my ass. My father and I had been working towards that night for over a year. But father... father changed that night. His soft touch became a steel grip. His kisses became harsh words. His gentle movements became painful thrusts. His motives shifted from making love to me to just wanting to make me scream in pain. He hurt me, he punished me because I am... I am a bad boy.

New York

Some Time Ago

I walk through the office door that says `Johnson's Private Detective Agency' on its frosted glass window. Inside is a small room with two couches and a small coffee table with outdated magazines scattered around it. In the corner is another door and a little old lady sitting at a small desk. She looks up to me and says, "Mr. James?" I nod and she buzzes me into the next room. After months of no information I am hesitant to go through the door again to hear bad news. With my hand in the knob I give it a push open stopping the buzzer.

In the smoke filled office a man sits at an old desk cluttered with papers, a phone, a very expensive camera, and other normal things found on a desk. The man sitting on the other side of the desk is straight out of a 1950's movie. If he was colored in black and white I wouldn't be surprised one little bit. He's dressed in a white shirt with his red tie loosened hanging around his neck like a noose. His almost bald head is encircled by the smoke trailing from his half burnt cigarette.

"Mr. James, I've got good news today," my hopes go up as I take a seat by the desk. He puts a folder in front of me. "Well the information you gave me about your son's rare spine disease was a huge help. I figured it would pay off if we waited long enough. A hospital had a nine-year-old patient, on your boy's birthday, that died twice, and was brought back to life at the last minute. My contacts went to that hospital and took these photos. Is this your son?"

I take the photos and begin to cry. I nod and he continues, "He was under a different last name, which made finding him harder. That ex-wife of yours is a pretty smart lady."

The thought of her stealing the kids away while I was in jail flushed me with anger. I mean she could have the girls, I just want my little man back. After a little while, I realize the PI stopped talking, so I wipe my eyes and look up to him. He studies me and says while holding a paper against his chest, "My payment, in full please." I place $150,000 in a dark yellow envelope on his desk. He smiles looking at it and hands me the paper.

Not being able to wait one second longer, I look at the address- Mrs. Alice Docker, 53892 old Bank Road, Cut Bank, Montana. Docker...Docker... wait this is the Montana property and come to think of it, we bought it from a old man by the name of Docker. Hmm she is smarter than I gave her credit. I never thought I could get my loving Wallstreet Trader out of the big city. It seems Amy changed their names, all except Andrew Junior. That was dumb Amy. It made it that much easier to find you. I look up at the PI and say, "This is great! I'll take it from here."

As I pick up the folder and head to the door he inquires, "What are you going to do now? Nothing crazy I hope?"

I turn back at him and give him a smirk and answer, "Just take back what's mine."

Chapter Text

AJ

"Happy Halloween!" I yell and take a pillow, striking my teenage lover. He rolls over and pulls the covers over his head. Shielding himself with his pillow, he thinks I'm going to let him sleep in. I jump out of bed and take the pee-alarm off my crotch with a click. Quietly, I hurry over to Zack's side of the bed and put on my glasses and hearing aid. I pinch my legs together, trapping my morning wood to delay the first piss of the day. I switch my pee-alarm to vibrate only and find Zack's morning wood tenting the sheets. I hold my hand over my mouth, stifling a giggle. I hold the pee-alarm on his dick and lean in close, lightly spitting on it to set it off.

The vibration is so loud that it makes me laugh.

"You little horny…"

He reaches for me. I take off towards the bathroom and I hear him trip on the sheets. I round the corner coming off the stairs, head down the hall, and into the bathroom. As I drop my briefs to my ankles, I hear Zack running up behind me.

"Oh no!" he yells, laughing, "You have to pee in the shower!"

He wraps his strong arms around my chest, pinning my arms down to my sides with my dick in my hand. My full-blown laughter lights up the room as Zack picks me up and my underwear falls to the floor. He swings me over to the shower just as my pee begins to spray everywhere.

"I get the toilet!"

He pulls the shower knob and I dance in place as the cold water soaks me. I turn around and he's already naked and climbing into the shower.

"Did you figure out the homemade vibrator all on your own?" he asks with a smirk.

I look at him with my sexiest smile and whisper in his ear.

"Hurry and wash me so we can get back to it."

He reaches over me to get the body wash with a very cute smirk, while the shower water begins to mat his hair.

Moments later, two naked boys are climbing the stairs, me on all fours. Zack is behind me with his finger tickling my butt crack, urging me to crawl faster. Rounding the corner, I jump into the bed and grab the pee-alarm. Zack comes around the corner, walking towards me with his soft three-inch [7.5 cm] dick. The pee-alarm swings by the clip from my fingers.

"I see the cold water has hurt your wee-wee, but I can fix it," I say, with a wiggle of my eyebrows.

"'Wee-wee'? Now what did I tell you to start calling it?" Hes slowly crawling across the bed.

I continue to giggle and say, "My wee-wee, ummm… my penis, ummm…"

He grabs my legs and pulls me to him, where he can start to tickle me. I giggle and laugh until he plants a kiss on my lips. He looks at me and gives me a look like he's thinking of what to do next, so I grab his head and pull him down to the bed, kissing him deeply and passionately.

When I have to come up for air, I flash a mischievous smile as I bring the pee-alarm to my mouth. Zack watches me intently as I spit into it, causing it to vibrate. Then I place it on his hard-on and balls. His eyes roll back into his head, and I bring his head down again into a deep kiss. His moans slip out between our mouths and the device stops.

He takes it from me and lifts it to his mouth, spits on it a little to activate it again. His hand slips down in between us, out of sight. The anticipation of where he's going to place it drives me crazy, and then I feel it under my balls. Zack calls this the perineum. I call it my outside boy button. My back arches and Zack watches me grind with pleasure.

"Mmmmmmm, ooooohhh, ahh, ahhhh! Mmmmmmm…"

My hands are wrapped around his arms and the knuckles turn white as I breathe in short gasps. When the vibration stops his eye brows go up, and he lowers his face real close to mine.

"What would happen if I placed this thing on your butt hole?"

Then he looks towards the door, and we both hear knocking.

"Boys, I'm coming in."

It's Mom!

"Just cover up, I won't be long."

Zack spins around and sits up on his knees, and I swing my legs under me to do the same. At the last second, he whips the sheet over our laps, covering us up from the front.

Mom walks in and we both give her our attention. We're both blushing and I'm still breathing heavily, so it's no secret what we were doing. She notices alright, but ignores it.

"This being the first day of your fall vacation, I just wanted to tell you that I'm not going to let you sleep till noon every day."

We both nod, and suddenly I realize that the pee-alarm is trapped under my balls and is still pressed up against my perineum. It's a little uncomfortable, but not unbearable.

Then it happens. All the nervousness about being naked with only a sheet covering me, the closeness to the orgasm I was building, and the thought of what we would be doing if Mom wasn't standing here, begins to affect me.

It starts as a gurgle around my stomach. Zack's eyes dart briefly to me, and then back to Mom, who's begun to roam around our room, picking up dirty clothes, toys, and cowboy stuff as she continues to talk to us. Then I can feel it going down and it gurgles again just behind my dick.

I reflexively pinch my butt cheeks together so I don't let the massive fart loose in front of my mom. This makes the pee-alarm move, and suddenly it's gone up my butt crack.

I try and move it out a little at a time, and I'm succeeding, but then it does something that I would have never guessed in a thousand years. Apparently, my butt crack has not dried from our shower. I'd been in so much of a hurry to get out of the bathroom and upstairs that I barely dried off at all. So when the fart comes out, it's blown the water from my butt crack onto the pee-alarm, setting it off.

The sensation shoots up my body and my hands grip the sheets as tight as I can. I am fighting with everything I have to not show the bliss coming from the vibration on my butt hole traveling to my spine and spreading throughout my body.

Zack sees my whole body jerk, and he turns to watch me for a few seconds. Every time I try to knock the device out of my butt crack, my body jerks again.

He leans a little closer and quickly signs, "You OK?"

I nod rapidly; he can see that my eyes are wide and every muscle is tight in my face. I slip my hand down there and try to move it, but I can't seem to get my fingers on it from behind. I'm barely touching it when Mom turns back around, so I pull my hand back quickly. It moves a little, and now the corner of it is wedged against my hole. My body jerks again and then my hole seemingly sucks the device in.

It's sending the sensations on a whole new level now, and my body reacts in kind. In contact with water in my crack for several seconds now, the unanswered device switches to the faster speed. My cock is huge and hard; the orgasm builds anew.

I look at Zack and grip his bare thigh under the sheet; now that it's louder, he finally hears the buzzing coming from my bottom. My face squishes together at the next wave of pleasure, and he lets out a tiny snort as he suppresses a giggle.

"So, I just wanted to let you two know what your fall break will look like, and that I'm not going to let you trash the house." Mom looks up from the floor and faces us.

"I'm giving you two hours to… finish. Then I want you dressed, so we can get the house set up for your Halloween party."

She walks past us, heading towards the door with clothes in her arms, and she stops and lays a hand on my forehead.

"You're not getting a fever are you?"

Zack, who's been holding his breath to keep from laughing, quickly manages to speak up.

"No Mom, we were wrestling before you came up."

She feels my cheek and adds, "You're trembling too. Well, just to make sure, we'd better take your temperature before we get too involved."

"I'll do it, Mom," Zack croaks. "After we get dressed."

To my great relief, she hurries out of the room to go about the rest of her morning.

We stay frozen until her steps are far enough down the stairs, then I fall over onto the bed and plant my face into my pillow, releasing a pent up moan while I pry the pee-alarm, on speed three at this point, out of my butt hole.

By the time I get this done, Zack is rolling back and forth on the bed, laughing so hard he can barely breathe. Embarrassment feeds my frustration, and I get off the bed and plug the pee-alarm into its recharge station. Glaring at him, I head to the dresser to get dressed.

He fights for enough air to say, "Aren't you even going to wipe it off?"

He once again bursts into laughter, falling back onto the bed. I put my tee-shirt on over my head and pull my green boxers up over my poor unsatisfied hardon. Grabbing my jeans and my red flannel shirt, I rush past the bed and swing the shirt at my hysterical boyfriend, slapping him in the legs. He sits up, and before he can get off the bed, I'm going down the stairs.

"Hey! Come on, don't be like that! Aren't we going to finish?"

By the time I get to the bottom of the stairs I have my jeans on and belt buckle secured. I work at putting my arms into the flannel shirt while listening to the conversation going on in the kitchen. Mom and Lana are going over a shopping list for the food and snacks for the Halloween Party later today.

"Lana, can I come?"

Lana notices me wrestling with my shirt. She continues with her conversation as she takes the flannel shirt from me and takes off my tee shirt. She turns it the right side out and then puts it over my head.

"You can always tell when Zack doesn't dress you. If you're coming with me, you can't look all backwards."

Once I'm all straightened out and the red flannel is on, she ruffles my damp hair and I hop on my stool.

"Finish your cereal and then you can go," Mom says as she puts the box of cereal on the bar.

"Dexter, tell AJ's Room to hurry up and come get breakfast," she says, turning from the shopping list conversation to the A.I. Personal Assistant. He responds that Zack is on his way at about the time we hear him bounding down the stairs.

"OK, OK, I got it," Lana tells Mom as she takes the list. "If you remember anything else, just text it to me. Come on AJ, before the list gets too long."

Zack walks by us in a rush to get to the kitchen, and I stick my tongue out at him. He blows me a kiss, and Lana invites him to come with us to the store.

He grabs the last two pieces of toast, because I forgot mine, and an orange and asks, "Can I Mom?"

"Yes, good idea. Help Lana watch AJ, and you both behave yourselves."

Lana has my coat and cowboy hat on before she digs out hers. Zack rushes to us and hands me my piece of toast and puts his in his mouth as he kneels and ties my boots. Lana puts Zack's cowboy hat on his head and hands him his coat.

"Finish getting ready, Zack, and meet us out front," Lana tells him, as he makes sure he didn't tie my boots too tight. "Come on, little bro, let's get the car."

I hurry towards the garage door through the kitchen when Mom grabs my arm, bringing me to an abrupt stop and whispers to me, "Do you have to go pee?" I give it some thought and shake my head no about the time Lana walks past me.

Lana places her hand on my back, pushing me past Mom.

"He'll be fine. If he has to go, I'll pull over. It won't be much different from him peeing off the back porch when my friends are here."

"Hey, you said no one saw that!"

She pulls my cowboy hat over my head and chuckles.

"What, are you kidding? We got it on Samm's phone and put it on TikTok."

My face turns beet red as I open the door. "Laaaaanaaaa?!"

Out in the garage, Lana's little car is really cool. It's a light blue Ford Horse… no, that's not right. Umm, Mustang. That's it. Anyway, it's fast and the radio is loud. So, the car ride is us singing as loud as we can to whatever song comes on. We didn't have to pull over, but as soon as we got into the store I am pinching my knees together and I whisper to Zack that I need to go.

Zack tells her that I need to stop at the bathroom and Lana looks to her phone and then to the store aisles trying to decide where to start. Without looking, she says, "OK, take the little piss pump, just don't take your eyes off of him. I don't want to explain to Mom how I lost him."

We get into the bathroom, a single `Family Restroom' with a changing bench for babies, and one stool. Zack locks the door. I take off my coat and hat, placing them on the bench, and while I look at all the graffiti on the walls, Zack undoes my belt. He pulls my pants down with one quick yank and then reaches in feeling my pee-pad.

My eyes watch him as his fingers feel around. Then he smiles and holds up his hand for a fist bump, congratulating me, "Good job AJ, you're dry as a bone."

"Not a bone yet, but it will be if you don't stop playing underneath my balls," I giggle, and he physically spins me around, aiming me at the bowl. I pee, pull up my jeans, and we leave, but I have to go back to wash my hands. Man, Zack watches me like a hawk these days.

When I come out, Zack is texting, and I stand on my toes to see who. It's Lana, she needs a cart. I hurry off to get one and Zack responds that we have one and will meet up with her on aisle three.

After a short tiff trying to decide who's pushing the cart, we — mostly Zack — agree that he is pushing it and I can ride on the other end. Soon we catch up to Lana and she empties her gathered items into the cart.

"Can we get a bag of candy?" I ask, but she shoots me down.

"Tonight you'll get all the candy you want if you work hard enough. Besides, Mom would kill me if I bought you Halloween candy."

I hop off the cart and pick up the Halloween special designed bag of Reeses Cups. Zack stops to come back and takes the bag from me, putting it back on the shelf.

"Come on, little bro. I'll give you all my Reeses Cups tonight."

I flash him a smile and rush to take his spot, pushing the cart after Lana. We add a few more things, and I begin to lag behind as the cart gets heavier. Turning the last corner, I catch someone at the end of the aisle watching me.

I step back to see who it is, and they're gone. I'm not mistaken. I know I saw someone, so I hurry to check the other aisles.

One after another, I chase him across the store. I see only his leg or the back of his coat, but with all the crowd and the length of the aisles, I just can't make out who it is.

Soon I'm standing at the exit trying to catch my breath as I scan the parking lot. Suddenly, without warning, a hand grabs my arm tightly, jerking me around. I scream and grab the hand that is causing me so much pain.

"Ow!"

I'm looking into Zack's face, and he is pissed. He lets go of my arm.

"What are you doing?"

"Someone was stalking me!"

"And you chase this person? What if there's two of them and the second one grabs you? You're standing in the parking lot, AJ!"

Suddenly, I feel stupid and embarrassed. People standing by the door staring at me.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

Zack's chest heaves as he tries to catch his breath from chasing me and now yelling at me. He searches the parking lot.

"I'm sorry," I repeat and push him away, heading back into the store.

By the time I find Lana, she gives me one look and asks, "Are you crying?"

"No," I respond and wipe my eyes one last time before I hop onto the end of the cart. Zack starts pushing the cart and stares at me.

Lana watches us two.

"I don't even want to know."

We're pretty quiet the rest of the trip. I'm sure we're both thinking the same thing

Who was it? Who's watching me?

Zack

The car ride is quiet. The little blue Mustang is packed with food and decorations for tonight's Halloween party, including a five-foot tall stand-up of a Mummy with a black cat on its shoulder holding a sign that reads `Party is Here!'. It's sitting in the back seat next to AJ, who's pouting and rubbing his arm where I grabbed him.

Lana walks into the house first and blurts out, "The lovers are fighting."

AJ runs in between us and up the stairs, heading towards our room, I'm guessing. I place my arm full of bags down and push Lana while she laughs at me.

"What happened?" Mom asks, walking into the kitchen with Zeke to help us out.

"Nothing," I tell her. "AJ got distracted and I lost him in the crowd at the store is all. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Mom swats my butt and lets me off the hook.

"Don't be sorry. He should have known better. Let's get these bags inside."

I agree with her, and she fills my arms with more bags.

Mom asks me to help with the decorations and sends Lana to check on AJ. We put away the groceries and she has me put the Halloween stuff on the card table.

"When's Dad going to be home?" I ask, without thinking.

When she doesn't answer, I look her way and see that she's crying.

Zeke told me earlier that morning that when he and Dad were coming in from morning chores they'd witnessed Mom and Missy going at each other. Missy was going on and on about how it wasn't fair — "Zeke raped me!" — and Mom was shouting back that she knew she was lying. In the end, to save Mom the ordeal of fighting the whole trip to the girl's boarding school, Dad decided to take Missy there himself.

"I can't believe the yelling didn't wake you two up."

Blushing, I responded as quietly as I could, "We kind of played a little late last night."

Zeke punched my shoulder, then put me in a headlock, saying just loud enough for me to hear, "Did you fuck his brains out, you dog?"

I wrestled myself out and pushed him away, saying with a cheeky smile, "No. It's not like that… but yeah, I did. It was great!"

Anyway, back to Mom crying, I immediately feel terrible for bringing it up.

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked."

She turns to me smiling, and quickly wipes her tears away.

"No, it's OK. Your dad will be back before the party."

I give her a nod and get back to unwrapping the streamers and helping Zeke cut them into four-foot lengths.

Black and orange decorations begin to transform the room into a real Halloween bash. It's not spooky, but as Halloween parties go, it looks pretty good. The smell of hot spiced apple cider and baked treats fills the room as Mom works her way down the list of snacks we all agreed that we wanted. About two hours go by, and a sleepy boy comes stumbling down the stairs. I'm holding the ladder for Zeke, who is hanging black and orange balloons from the chandelier. AJ, rubbing one eye and yawning, comes to a stop, hugging me from behind.

"Did you have a nice nap?" I ask, knowing he must have cried himself to sleep. He nods his head and I can see his little nose sniff the air a few times and then head to the bar stool that he favors. Mom meets him there and has a giant cookie of some type in her hand. She fakes handing it to him, then pulls it back. They talk for a little while, with the occasional look my way, making me feel a little uncomfortable.

The talk between mother and son is starting to wear on AJ, as I can see him get frustrated and he shouts, "There was someone! He was following me the whole time I was in the store!"

Mom's words get heated , and AJ looks over at me with a sour look. I can't hear the rest of the conversation, but at the end, he slides off his stool and walks up to me.

"Um, Zack… I'm sorry I ran off at the store."

He looks towards the bar where Mom is still seated. She says his full name as a warning.

Turning back to me, he takes a deep breath and says, "…and I'm sorry I got mad at you. You were only worried for me."

He gives me a quick hug and I reach for the chain around his neck. When I have it, I pull it until the ring emerges from under his shirt. His eyes lock onto the shimmer of the light reflecting off of it.

"This stands for a promise I made to you at your birthday party that I would always be there for you. I aim to keep that promise, if it makes you mad or not."

His eyes move from the ring to my eyes and a cute smile at the corner of his lips. He looks back at Mom and her smile tells him he did good. He kisses me on the lips and rushes to get his reward. Mom gives him the giant cookie and he devours it as if he's never had one before.

Crazy kid.

Soon after that, the kitchen garage door opens and Dad walks in. He and Mom talk for a little while, and he kisses her. Zeke climbs down the ladder and whistles at them, breaking their kiss. AJ and I start to laugh, and they look a little embarrassed.

"What? You guys can kiss, but it's weird if we do?" asks Dad in a joking way.

Mom helps him off with his jacket, and before he has both arms out, AJ is in mid-flight, jumping into his arms. He gets his arms free just in time to catch my boyfriend and hike him on one hip. With his other hand, he begins tickling him.

"Do you need a tickle? Do you need a tickle?!" Dad shouts as AJ howls with laughter. I take Dad's jacket from Mom and go hang it up.

"OK boys, let's get you all dressed up. Your guests will be here soon," Mom says, and she ushers me and Zeke upstairs.

"Can you get AJ ready for me please?" she asks Dad.

"Sure thing. Come on, little cowboy, let's get you changed."

AJ

Dad carries me up to my stairs and sets me down. Looking into Mom's room, I get a full view of the twins in their boxers while they separate their costumes. Dad gives me a little push, guiding me to the upstairs.

"It's nothing you haven't seen before."

I protest a little, and Zeke gives me the middle finger with a little laugh. When I get to my room, I quickly count the balusters and leap onto my bed.

Dad gets my new rodeo outfit that he bought me when I showed interest in barrel racing and roping while riding Stepper. I haven't worn it yet and I really want to, so I decided to be a rodeo cowboy for Halloween. Dad is even letting me use one of his prize buckles for bull riding.

After some time, all of the buckles and straps are fastened. I stand in front of the full length mirror. My black outfit with light blue and silver designs really stands out. The rodeo vest is a little snug and Dad fixes it for me.

"Better?"

He slides his hand up from the bottom and rubs my belly.

I giggle and pull his hand out.

"Stop, stop… that tickles! Yes, that's much better."

After checking myself out in the mirror again, I turn to him and Dad places my hat on my head.

"One more thing," he says, and he pulls out a light blue handkerchief and ties it around my neck.

"This is my old lucky neck scarf. I think you look great, AJ."

I smile at him and he moves my hat around, rubbing my head.

"Thanks for your help. I still can't believe you talked Mom into letting me do rodeo with the twins."

"It wasn't easy for sure, but after I showed her the protective gear you have to wear, she was a little better," he says, following me towards the stairs as I fix one of my gloves. "Let's go see how your brothers look."

Mom's door is shut, and so we head to the living room. The doorbell rings as I take the last step. Dad heads to the kitchen and I answer the door.

I let out a, "Howdy partner!" and Brian, dressed in football pads, a helmet, and cleats, gives me a fist bump.

"Wow, your cowboy outfit looks great!"

"Thanks! Come on in and help yourself to a soda or something."

Looking outside, I can see two cars approaching the house. Then I see a man at the end of the driveway standing next to the mailbox. A silver car is parked near him. My heartbeat begins to speed up and I can feel sweat on my face.

The first approaching car comes up the driveway and stops. Chet steps out dressed as one of the Three Musketeers. He draws his sword and swishes it around, ending with it in front of his face; then he swishes it wide and bows.

"That's so cool!" I tell him, and return his bow.

"You look great too, AJ," he says, and steps into the house.

I look back at the end of the driveway, and the man and his car is gone.

My attention is down the rabbit hole, and I didn't even see Cory and Tommy coming up the stairs.

"Hey AJ, you look just like a rodeo cowboy!"

My eyes snap back to the porch and I greet my two third-grade friends, leading them inside. I check the front driveway once more to see if I can find the man again. With no luck, I close the door and join my friends at the food buffet.

Moaning and grunting come from the stairs, grabbing everyone's attention. Stumbling down the stairs come two zombies that are identical in every way. Everyone cheers, `ooo's and `ahhh's them as they shuffle into the living room. I look as close as I can for any hint that I know of to tell them apart, and realize there isn't one. It's amazing. Mom greets everyone and reminds them to help themselves to anything laid out.

Soon after, all the lunch table boys arrive, dressed in everything imaginable. Then the doorbell rings. This has to be her.

I excuse myself from talking about the rodeo with Chet and hurry to the door.

Mom opens it before I get there and steps aside to let Suzie in. She's dressed as a punk rocker, and there's a gorgeous boy behind her dressed as Harry Potter.

"Hey Suzie," I greet her, "You look very cool, I really like the colored hair."

She gives me a little hug that blushes my cheeks.

"Thanks for inviting us, AJ. This is my little brother, Ash."

"Great costume, Ash. Harry Potter is my favorite book series," I tell him, and offer my fist to be bumped. To my surprise, he leans in and gives me a little hug. I return his hug and give Suzie a questioning look.

She waits for our overly long hug to end and then whispers in my ear.

"You two have lots in common." Then winks at me. The two siblings head off to the party, leaving me and Mom standing at the door.

Closing the door, Mom asks, "What was that all about?"

"I'm not sure," I tell her, unsure about whether my intuition is correct.

The zombie twins meet me in the living room and one grabs my arm, dragging me back to the door.

"Ouch!"

"Let him go, Zack."

Zack lets go of my arm and looks at his brother, takes a deep breath, and asks, "Why did you invite Suzie?"

Not exactly knowing what the problem is, I shrug.

"She helped me with my bag when I was on crutches, and I've been helping her in class with her homework. We're friends, so I invited her to our party. What's wrong?"

He looks at me, and I can tell he is working something out.

"Well, I don't want her kissing you."

I look at Zeke when he laughs, and then back at Zack.

"Neither do I!" I respond plainly. "Is that what this is all about?"

Zeke slaps Zack on the back, laughing.

"Can you be any more jealous?"

Zack looks ashamed and hugs me. I return his hug.

"I don't want anyone but you."

Zeke breaks up our hug, putting an arm on each of our shoulders. He gives us a little shake and grins under his makeup.

"OK, everyone's good, let's just enjoy ourselves."

Chapter Text

AJ

The water is so cold that I can barely feel my face anymore. I struggle with my bonded hands as I force my head out of the freezing water for a gasp of fresh air. For that split second of reprieve, I can hear laughter and cheering going on around me.

My head plunges back into the water while I search for the key to my cell — the cell of peer pressure to do something so stupid. Searching, searching, my head swishes back and forth till I find it. I grab the stem of the key in my teeth and retract my head from the icy water of the tub full of apples.

Everyone cheers, and Zack unties my hands and helps me to my feet. I take a bite of my apple and then hold it up for all to see, water still streaming down my face.

Zack hugs me and announces, "OK, who's next?" I walk through the crowd of brothers, receiving congratulations and slaps on my back.

Mom hands me one of the many towels she is holding and says, "Good job, honey. I know you hate that game. Thank you for going first."

"I can't feel my face," I mumble and begin to rub it with the towel.

She helps with drying my head when we hear cheering coming from around the `Dunking For Apples' game. Mom heads to the newest winner with an apple in his mouth, and Dad walks over with a tray of mugs with hot spiced cider in them.

"Take one of these. It will put color back in those cheeks again."

I take one and sip. It's warm, on the edge of being too hot, but it feels so good going down my throat.

I take my cider inside and sit on my bar stool to watch Lana stack toilet paper rolls on the bar. "What are you doing?" I ask, sipping my drink.

She sighs and answers, "Getting the next game ready for your weird friends."

I guess I look uncomfortable because she reaches across the bar and messes up my hair saying, "I'm kidding. Most of them are OK. What's up with the girl?"

"Who, Suzie?"

"She's the only girl you invited, right?"

"She's a friend."

"Are you sure? She watches you a lot."

"She does?" I ask, and turn to see her watching me while she stands in line.

"She knows I'm gay. Besides, it's her brother I'm worried about. He's cute, and I think he's here for me. I've caught him grabbing my butt a couple of times already."

"Oh wow. Does Zack know?"

"No, and you can't tell him! He's already having problems with me being friends with Suzie. If he knew about Ash, he'd hate me."

Lana studies my face and then advises, "Don't worry about it. You can't help you're a piece of hot ass."

Shocked she said that, I slide off the stool, put my cowboy hat on, and tell her, as if I'm offended, "I can't believe you said that."

Then, before I open the door, I turn back, pop my ass out a little, and ask, "Do you really think so?"

And then I dodge a toilet paper roll before I hurry outside, laughing.

Zack

AJ comes back outside, turns, sticks out his tongue out at Lana in the kitchen, and then joins his friends that are standing in line. Suzie and her little gay brother go to the back of the line to talk to him. I want to hurry over there, but I told Mom I'd help with this game. They talk a little, then laugh. It seems all innocent enough. Zeke punches my arm.

"Having problems concentrating? He's nine years old and gay. You have nothing to be concerned about."

Zeke helps Alex up after getting his apple, and Mom hands him a towel. Chet is the last to try the apple dunking game. Suzie doesn't do it. She decides to stand with AJ and talk with her brother.

I don't know her brother. I guess he's from AJ's third-grade class, and just couldn't get the nerve to talk to him. He is definitely gay, whether he knows it or not. It's in his walk, his laugh… and how he's hitting on my boyfriend!

While Chet splashes around for his apple, Tommy and Cory join AJ. I do feel better that some of our friends are there with him. After Chet surfaces, Mom hands him a towel and then announces that we are all to head to the kitchen. Kids file through the kitchen door, and Dad makes sure everyone gets a mug of cider. Inside, she breaks us up into groups of five.

"Can everyone hear me? OK, good. Now pick one person to be the mummy, and Lana will hand out the mummy wrapping to each group. You have two minutes to wrap your mummy. The best-looking one wins the prize!"

The way Mom organizes us, we boys are all in different groups. AJ and his group are by the door. I'm in the living room with my group, and Zeke is in the kitchen. Each area has four rolls of toilet paper. Each group has the same idea and picks the smallest kid to wrap. So over by the door, AJ will be wrapped by his team.

Mom shouts `Go!' and we all grab our rolls of toilet paper and go to work. Then I see it — AJ's face changes. Just for a split moment, but it did, and I recognize that face. I see it every night when I play with his balls. So, now my attention is on my boyfriend.

Suzie's brother Ash is squatting down and wrapping AJ's… crotch, and every time he passes his junk, he does something; he rubs his balls, pinches his dick, or… whatever he is doing to AJ's butt. I can't see that side of him, but his face never lies. The saving grace, or whatever is holding me back from walking over there and beating the shit out of an eight-year-old, is that AJ looks pissed also.

"Hey!" Craig says, poking me in the ribs. "Keep wrapping."

"Sorry," I tell him, and I get back to work until the timer goes off.

Mom stops us, and Lana walks around the groups, judging which mummy looks the best. My eyes are glued to AJ and Ash. After Lana takes his picture and moves over to our group, I see AJ grab Ash by the shirt and pull him close. I almost run over there to stop the kiss, but he doesn't kiss him. AJ is whispering to him.

In a moment AJ's eyes move over to me, and Ash's follow his. The cheeky look on Ash's face drops off as AJ talks to him in his ear. The color drains from Ash's face, and he gives AJ a nod. AJ pats him on the back, and he walks away.

I meet up with my lover and help him remove his mummy wraps.

"What was that all about?" I ask him, trying not to sound interested.

AJ

I grab Ash by the shirt and pull him close to me, and as his face gets closer, I see his lips purse up like we're going to kiss or something. I roll my eyes and go past his lips and whisper in his ear.

"You know, I really like you, and I think you're cute and all, but if you touch my cock or ass one more time, I'm not going to be able to stop him."

"Him who?"

I turn my face real slow, so he gets my meaning to follow my gaze to the overprotective, almost bare-chested zombie standing in the next group in the living room.

"You see that thirteen-year-old zombie with the eighteen-year-old muscles? That's my boyfriend, and he's about to come over here and beat you to a pulp. So, keep your hands to yourself, OK?"

Eyes wide, he gives me a nod. I pat him on the back, and he walks away.

Zack watches Ash walk past him on his way over to help me unwrap.

"What was that all about?" he asks me, trying not to sound interested.

With my most innocent look, I hang my arms around his neck and pull him into a kiss that earns us some whistles and catcalls. As our lips separate, I say, "Nothing, just someone after me for my hot little ass."

He looks at me as if I never talk that way, but his smile tells me he likes it. I'll have to remember to cuss more if it turns him on.

Lana walks past Zack to collect our mummy wrappings.

"I should have never said that to you."

Zack looks at her with a confused look, and I just laugh till she swats my ass, saying harshly, "…and stop cussing."

It stings a little; enough to get me to rub my butt. I stick out my tongue at her and head to the kitchen, pulling Zack behind me by the hand. Mom is beginning to serve supper.

We're having hot dogs that are wrapped in pastry to look like mummies, and green French fries. We each have two little containers for ketchup and mustard, and we all gather around the table to eat. I eat three and most of my fries; Zack eats the rest.

Chet eats ten. We all cheer him on, and Mom keeps his plate full. He stops at ten, saying that he's saving room for dessert.

We get to pick our dessert, a chocolate and vanilla cake with a really cool skeleton and a black cat frosted on top, or `Dirt Pie'. I love dirt pie and have two helpings of it. I think I like the gummy worms the best, but the pudding is good too.

The rest of the party is scary movie time, but it ends up being more horseplay with some grab-ass thrown in. Zack holds me tight every time I jump or scream at the next movie scare. It's true that most of my screams, jumps, and burying my face in his chest were to make an excuse for him to hold me tight, but the others bought it. And by 'the others' I mean our parents.

Soon after our movie is over Brian's mom arrives, and my Mom shouts over the conversation of little boys to get our attention. "Everyone, line up and get your makeup checked. Us moms have fake blood for those who want it. We will then be splitting up and driving to the park, where you will be meeting your parents. Then it's time to `Trick or Treat!'"

Smudges and eyeliner are redrawn on those that need it. Lana redoes Suzie's hair to look more punkish, I guess.

Once we get to the park, we all horse around until, one by one, the parents of my friends come to take them downtown for trick or treat. Cut Bank is pretty cool for Halloween. They block off the streets for five square blocks, and all the shops along that route come out and set up tables, decorations, and eerie sounds. Some are even dressed up. I get to see the Hocus Pocus sisters and the villains from Harry Potter. Later, I learn that the adults that were dressed up as The Walking Dead zombies and walking up and down the streets were policemen. You would never see New York's finest doing that.

It's a lot of fun. I see Ninjas, other cowboys, boxers, football players, Power Rangers, elves, dwarves, knights, Samurai, and Ghostbusters, but the ones that came to represent are from Disney. Disney everything, from villains to heroes. Everything Marvel, Star Wars, princesses, and a crowd of Mickeys and Minnies.

Trick or treating is a lot of fun, but every once in a while, I get that feeling. You know what I'm talking about. The hair stands up on the back of your neck, or the panic feeling you get when someone is about to touch you and you don't see them coming. I'll stop and spin around, only to be staring into Buzz Lightyear or some other random kid's eyes.

Zack tells me I'm just being paranoid because we watched that scary movie, but I'm not convinced. Someone is watching me, I'm sure of it. I stick as close to the twins as possible, and hold Zack's hand whenever I can. Other than that, I'm having a blast. We get so much candy that we have to get new bags.

A Nondescript Gray Van

I tap my fingers on the passenger side armrest, then blurt out in a huff, "There are a lot of fucking SUVs here. Are you sure you have the right one?"

Franklin turns to me and looks irritated. He collects his thoughts.

"Sir, I'm a professional. Some soccer mom isn't going to be enough to shake my tail. Besides, I had Rick check the license plate. We're good to go."

I can tell he wants to say something else, and I know what it is.

"Well, spit it out. You don't think we should do this, do you?" I accuse him.

He thinks for a few seconds more.

"I'm not being paid good money to tell you what to do. But I will advise you that once we drive up and open that door, we are taking that kid. There is no turning back. Are you sure you hate him that much?"

I think it over, and my scowl tells him about my feelings on this matter before I even open my mouth.

"You're right, of course. You're not being paid to tell me what to do. And I'm paying you a bonus to do this and keep your mouth shut. This isn't the first time either of you has kidnapped a kid, is it?"

He shakes his head.

"But every time I beg my client to think of a different way."

"He ruined my life. He deserves what I do to him. With his perfect little face and cute little body… he acts like a girl without even having to hide it."

I catch myself from going farther because I've said too much.

"We are grabbing the kid," I say, with finality in my voice.

We both sit in silence and watch out for the SUV. Rick emerges from the street and hurries to the van. The side door opens, and he gets in, saying, "We have a problem. He doesn't leave the twins' sides. Most of the time, he's holding one of their hands."

"You're a grown ass man, can't you handle a couple of teenagers?" I ask with disgust. "Besides, we just want the little one. Just pick him up."

The big black man rolls his eyes.

"I followed them all the way downtown and back. There weren't any openings for me to `just pick him up.' His parents stopped a couple of car rows over and let the kids go on alone. I think we can grab him at the SUV."

"Here, take the stack of pictures. They'll cause a distraction. Then when we pull up, grab the cowboy, and Franklin will floor it."

Rick takes them and gets out of the van. He heads down the street, just past the SUV belonging to the Dockers.

All is ready. The disappearance of AJ Docker is about to begin.

Zack

On the way back from trick-or-treating, Dad and Mom stop by one of their friends' car to talk.

I look back and tell them, "We're going to get the football from the SUV and play in the park."

Dad waves to me to let me know it's OK. Boy talk ensues about what we all want to do during fall break, how cold us twins are, and AJ reminding me that I agreed to give him all my Reeses Cups.

The laughter and joking around is suddenly broken up by a huge black man who pushes in between AJ and me. We both must catch ourselves, so we don't fall.

"Watch where you're going!" I shout, and check on my boyfriend.

The man turns and tosses a stack of papers at me, and they scatter to the ground. Zeke stands in front of me and yells at him.

"What's your problem?"

Curious about the papers, I look down to see what's on them. AJ has beaten me to it and has one in his hand. I look over his shoulder, and he quickly spins around and holds it to his chest.

"Stop! Don't look at it!" he yells, then frantically begins to pick them up.

Confused at AJ's reaction, I look at my brother, who has one of the photos in his hand. His face is white, and he looks like he's scared.

"What is it?" I ask, and reach down to pick one up, only to have AJ snatch it from me.

"Hey, this isn't funny. Give me one!"

He looks up at me and the panic on his face and the trembling of his body tell me this is serious.

Then, to my right, a bystander picks one up and comments loudly, "Wow! Look at the size of the cock this kid is taking!"

AJ rushes to him and tries to take it from him, but the bigger kid is too quick and holds it above his head. His friends get copies, and AJ bounces back and forth, trying to get the picture from them.

"Look, he really is a cowboy!"

"Look at his face. Daddy's Slut sure is enjoying it!"

Now that AJ is distracted, I lean over and pick one up and look at it. I don't get a good look at it because Zeke slaps it from my hands.

"He told you not to look at it, dumbass!"

"Why do you get to, and I don't?" I half yell back, and I push him.

I lean over to pick up another one, and as I grab it, Zeke goes to push me. He never sees my gut punch coming, but when it connects — it's on.

Zeke socks me in the face, and I feel it vibrate through my jaw and neck. I counter with two more punches of my own. The soreness I'm suddenly feeling in my ribs and stomach tells me my hits are solid ones. That's the bad thing about fighting your twin. You're hurting yourself, too.

He recovers, and while I'm folding a picture to put it in my pocket; he tackles me to the ground.

AJ

"Don't forget, you said you would give me all your Reese's Cups," I remind Zack.

He laughs.

"You're not going to hold me to that, are you? I was hoping you forgot!"

We're starting a conversation about what trick-or-treat candy is the best, when out of the blue some black guy rushes past us, almost knocking me to the ground.

As I regain my balance, he throws a stack of papers at Zack, and they scatter to the ground at my feet. Confusion stops me from registering it at first, but once my mind catches up, I recognize the pictures hanging on the wall. The photo is of my dad's office.

I pull the photo free from the others, and my body freezes. The picture is of me. It's me riding my father.

We're both facing the camera, a little sideways to it; only a part of his face can be seen, but mine is in full view. His cock is about halfway out of my butt, and my dick is sticking straight out, as hard as can be!

I remember this. He was about to cum, and the next thing he did was to force the full length into me. I thought I was going to die from the pain, and at the same time I hated myself for it feeling so good. He had found my boy button and was pounding it. My mind was so fuzzy. All I can remember is how much it hurt afterward, and how great it felt at the same time.

Turning around, I see Zack trying to look over my shoulder, and I stop him from seeing the photo.

"Stop! Don't look at it!" I yell.

I spin back around and begin to collect the photos as fast as I can before the wind blows them out of reach. Zeke and Zack are arguing behind me, and I pay them no mind as I try to gather the pictures. Then I see Zack bend down and pick up one that has blown by his feet. Rushing over, I snatch it from him and look up at him.

Zack raises his voice, protesting my actions.

"Hey, this isn't funny; give me one!"

It's at this point that I realize that I'm sobbing and trembling. I answer him with a little shake of my head in defiance.

A gust of wind blows a few over toward some older boys that are walking by, and I hurry after them. One of them catches it out of midair and he shouts for all to hear.

"Wow! Look at the size of the cock this kid is taking!"

Holding it out of my reach, he begins to make fun of me once he recognizes me from the photo. His friends get copies, and I do what I can to get the picture from them, but it's no use.

"Look, he really is a cowboy!"

"Look at his face. Daddy's Slut sure is enjoying it!"

Their ribbing quickly turns to grabbing at my ass and dick and pushing me into each other. I look for help, but my protectors are a couple of yards away, trying to beat the shit out of each other.

The Nondescript Gray Van

"See, it's working," I point out to my bodyguard. "The little slut is freaking out!"

I radio Rick. "Grab AJ! We're on our way!"

Franklin floors the accelerator, and the van takes off.

AJ

The twins are throwing punches, and when they hit the ground, I decide to do something about it. I hurry to them and grab one of them by the arm to pull him off his brother. Not even I can tell them apart with them rolling around like this.

As I pull him back, the other one takes the opportunity to take a free shot, and punches his brother in the stomach. The one I had a hold of stumbles and swings his arm out to regain his balance, clocking me under the jaw.

Falling over, I fight to not black out as I rub my jaw. The black guy from before rushes me and scoops me up. Before I can react, a gray van slams on its brakes next to us, and the side door opens. He goes to throw me into the van, and suddenly the twins charge him.

As they're dealing with the black man — unsuccessfully, I might add — a blonde haired white man in a long coat and a COVID mask grabs me, pulls me from the van and takes off running the other way. Spinning in his arms, I elbow him in the face, causing him to stumble and fall. Looking back, I see the black man throw a limp zombie into the van. Then it spins its tires and speeds towards the exit.

I stand up, yelling for help, and look for the man who pulled me from the van. I only catch a glimpse of his back as he runs through the crowd, leaving his bloody COVID mask next to me on the ground.

Then I hear my phone ringing. I fish it out of my pocket, intending to hang it up and call 911, but the caller ID causes my blood to run cold. It's Bobby Ton.

I look around for the twin that was with me and see him chasing the van as it speeds out of the parking lot. Cautiously, I answer the phone as if it is from a nightmare horror movie,

"Who is this?"

"What's wrong, AJ? Don't you remember my voice?"

"Bobby? What's going on?!"

"I've got your boyfriend, and you better do everything I say or you're going to find him in that park tomorrow, dead."

"What? Zack? Why did you take Zack? This isn't funny. Let him go!"

"Does it sound like I'm joking?! Now shut the fuck up and do what I say!"

Gasping for breath, I say nothing and listen.

"First, don't tell anyone but Zeke that we've talked. In two hours, you and Zeke will get a message with my location, and you'll meet me there. Don't be late. And come alone, or I swear you will find a dead body."

My tears are flowing so much that I can't really see anything. At this point, I'm not even sure Bobby can understand me.

"Let him go please… just don't hurt him!"

"You've ruined my life, AJ. It's time I return the favor."

Then the line goes dead.

I blankly look around and see my parents coming from one direction and Zeke running up to me from the other. He wraps me up in his arms and holds me tight, and the phone drops from my hand and hits the pavement.

"Bobby took Zack. He's got… Zack," I manage to say through my sobbing.

Chapter Text

AJ 

Zeke holds me at arm's length and says, through his tears, "What? AJ, I'm Zack."

Could it be? Is this really be my boyfriend? My twin?

I launch myself into his arms and lose myself in relief, followed immediately by overwhelming guilt.

5 Hours Later 

Mom sits with Zack and me on the couch, and Dad paces the floor. The Cut Bank zombie police officers overseeing our kidnapping case, still in their costumes, linger around the living room, asking questions if they come up with any. We all wait to see if a ransom call will take place.

The scariness of the whole situation has turned into a slow, steady cry. Zack holds me in his arms, and Mom holds us both, rocking us gently.

"OK, AJ," says Captain Lee, "is there anything you can think of that you haven't told us?"

I look at him and then avert my eyes. Zack takes my head in his hands and pulls it to his shoulder.

"He's pretty tired. Maybe I should get him to bed." 

The captain stares at Zack, trying to read his face, then nods his head.

"Maybe that's best for everyone. I'll keep two deputies here for a few hours, and then I'll come back and stay till morning."

He takes a business card out of his wallet and hands it to me.

"If you remember anything, call me. Don't worry about the time."

I take it and read it over: Captain Luke Lee, Cut Bank Police Department, 555-863-4343. I commit it to memory and place the card on the coffee table. 

Dad is reluctant to leave the phone but agrees that he could use some rest, too. He picks me up and holds me tight to his chest as we climb the stairs. 

Upstairs, Dad helps me get ready for bed, and Zack strips down to his boxers. He tucks us both into bed and kisses our foreheads. I don't think he's ever kissed my forehead; it's nice. 

He sits on our bed in the dark, rubbing Zack's belly in small circles; watching his silhouette in the moonlight, I can tell he's crying. In a couple of minutes he stands and leaves the room.

Zack and I lay there, not as boyfriends, not as lovers, in some way not even as brothers. A stranger lies next to me, and he's frightened. I'm anxious that my touch is unwanted; afraid of saying the wrong thing. And I'm afraid that he blames me. So, we keep our hands to ourselves and stare up at the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling in silence.

Zack 

It feels like one more minute of staring at the blank ceiling will be more than I can bear. Then a buzz comes from across the room. AJ and I sit up and see the screen of his cell phone shining through the pocket of his jeans lying on the floor.

I scramble off the bed and pick up his jeans. Retrieving his phone, I unlock it with his face and click on `New Message.' 

"It's just a location and a text saying 2 a.m.," I say.

We quickly realize that it's going to be almost impossible to get there in time without asking for a ride.

"Four-wheeler?" AJ asks with hope in his eyes. 

I shoot down his idea.

"Not enough gas."

"Can you drive Lana's car?"

I look at him to make sure he's serious.

"No," I say miserably. 

I sit down on the bed, and AJ stands next to me, holding his pants, waiting for a great idea. But I have nothing. It's like I can't get my brain to work.

He can't take it any longer and wraps me up in a hug.

"Ow!" I say sharply, and he leans back, exposing Dad's rodeo belt buckle that he borrowed for trick or treating, still on his jeans.

The buckle is outlined in diamonds that are surrounded by gold. There are three rings, and on top of the rings is a man riding a horse…

"That's it! Get dressed!" 

"What's it?" he asks, startled by my sudden change in attitude. 

"Dress warm and hurry. For this to work, we'll need every minute Bobby gave us." 

AJ digs his and my long johns out of the underwear drawer, while I get a couple of warm flannel shirts.

"I don't understand. How are we getting there?" 

"The horses. We'll ride there!"

Out in the barn 

I heave Stepper's saddle onto his back.

"You got the rest?"

AJ knows we don't have a lot of time for talking. He nods and immediately gets to work on his horse, allowing me to concentrate on getting mine ready.

It might not be the best saddle job we've done, but it will work. I pull myself up and swing my leg over as AJ opens the barn door. I lead both horses out, and then he closes it 

AJ hurries to Stepper and pulls a lead rope out of his saddle bag. Dad's altered it to have two nice-sized loops on either end. He loops one over the saddle horn, and he puts his boot in the other one. He pulls himself up with the rope so he can get his other boot into the stirrup and swing his leg over. He packs away his rope and gives me a nod telling me he's good.

The ride is long and hard. We need every minute, and our horses give us their all. We arrive at our destination with only a few minutes to spare — the Cut Bank Public School.

AJ 

Zack ties our horses to the handrail by the front door. Sliding off Stepper, I dig my cell phone out of my pocket. The location sent by Zeke's phone is the playground. A couple of feet ahead of Zack, I round the corner of the school and can see Zeke. He is hanging from the monkey bars by a rope tied to his hands.

"There!" I say.

"Wait!"

Zack pulls me down by my shoulders and pulls me into the bushes along the wall. 

"Shhhh. Something's not right."

He studies the playground intently and then closes his eyes. His head moves back and forth as if he's listening to something I can't hear. 

"What's wrong?" I whisper. "He's right there!" 

"That's not him. Come on, follow me."

He turns and heads towards the boy's locker room door. Once we're there, he holds his finger to his lips and points to the padlock that's broken and lying on the ground.

He slowly pulls the door open and pokes his head in. I wait and hop up and down a little, causing my nylon washer rope to bounce under my jacket as my nerves begin to get to me.

I reach into my front pocket and feel the black beads I cut from Max's chest. I knew I would need support from him, but this is no place for a teddy bear. This rescue mission is for brave boys. I need to be brave.

I look back at the hanging figure swinging from the monkey bars in the winter wind, and the playground lights turn on with a loud click, making me jump and grab Zack by the waist.

Zack pulls his head back out and harshly says under his breath, "Damn, AJ, you about gave me a heart attack!"

He pulls my hands apart and holds them to his chest.

"Do you feel my heart beating?" he asks, "I'm scared too. We'll figure this out, but I need you to stay quiet and stay behind me, OK?" 

I nod and begin to count his heartbeat. His breathing starts to slow down, and he gives me a little nod. He pulls the door open once more, looks around and goes in. I follow behind him as close as I can without running into him.

We work our way past the showers and the lockers to the door to the gym. The door swings back and forth just a small amount, causing a sliver of light to enter the room. I can see a flash of dark gray lockers, a dirty floor, and a random teenage sock.

Zack looks back at me, and the sliver of light flashes across his face. I can see his worry. He's second-guessing bringing me here. We stand there for a few seconds; it feels like hours.

I bring his hand to my chest to feel my heartbeat. His hand covers half of it, and I follow his arm up to his eyes. I sign `I love you' and he leans in and kisses me.

We silently break the kiss, and Zack takes a deep breath before he opens the door to the gym. We can hear voices, and my heart really begins to race.

"That little shit has ten minutes. You two better go check on the tackling dummy."

Zack reaches back and grabs the front of my shirt and we move toward the darkest corner. I pick up a hockey stick on the way there, holding it to my chest. I get to the corner, and Zack forces me to sit down. He covers me with a dirty towel and reminds me to be quiet. The anticipation of something happening is terrifying, and the reality that it could happen any second is almost too much to bear.

I hear the door open and two men walk into the room. I grip my mouth with both hands to hold my scream in. I stop my breathing in hopes of not drawing attention. 

"Come on," Franklin growls. "Let's just grab the kids, and then I'm done. I don't care how much he's paying us, this kid is driving me nuts. If he wasn't so ugly, I'd fuck him and leave him somewhere."

Rick laughs.

"I know, he's a little obsessed. But the money is good, and it's better than being a gun for hire." 

"Shh… Did you hear that?"

Clutching my mouth even tighter, fear grips me. My lungs are burning like I'm about to suffocate, but I don't dare… don't dare make a sound. 

"What? I didn't hear anything. You probably just heard Bobby punching that Zack kid again."

Then the winter wind whips through the locker room just before the door slams shut. 

I allow myself to breathe short breaths, and when the towel is moved, I take a huge breath to scream.

A hand covers my mouth, and Zack's eyes plead for me to stay quiet. I swallow hard and force myself to breathe normally. I give him a little nod, and he pulls his hand away. 

Zack looks over his shoulder and then pulls me to my feet. I have a death grip on the hockey stick as we sneak into the gym. We settle, hidden behind the bleachers, and watch as Bobby walks around a wounded Zeke hanging from the basketball hoop in only his boxers. 

"Damn! Punching you is a lot of fun," Bobby says as he lands two more punches on Zeke's ribs. Zeke grunts with each shot and then spits blood on Bobby's face.

"Fuck you!" Bobby shouts, and he wipes his face with his sleeve. 

Zeke laughs a little till the pain overtakes him and he winces. Bobby gets close and grabs Zeke's chin to force him to look him in the eyes.

"Laugh it up! Because the best part is yet to come. When I get my hands on your sexy little fuck-toy, you get to watch. His screams will hurt you way worse than anything I could do to you."

I look at Zack, and tears are streaming down his face. I have to do something. This is all my fault. If I had listened to Zeke that day before school and left Maxwell at home, Bobby wouldn't have targeted me.

Maybe I can make this right.

Bobby Ton 

Cranking up the basketball hoop, I lift Zack off the gym floor. I reach for his leg, give him a little spin, and smile as he winces in pain.

From behind me, I hear, "Hey! Are you out of your mind!?"

A smile crawls across my face.

"Wow, I didn't think you had the balls to show up," I say playfully, as I walk around the hanging body of Zack. I give him another spin, and he grunts in pain.

I see AJ standing at the door leading to the hallway with a hockey stick in his hand.

"You, uh, plan on attacking me with that?" 

His legs are visibly shaking, and he looks like he could, at any time, pee his pants. I catch his eyes shift to his lover hanging from the basketball hoop. Then, unexpectedly, he turns and darts into the school. 

"Well, Zacky, I guess the hunt is on. If I want that ass, I'm going to have to work for it." 

I spin him again, and a painful scream comes from the depths of his chest that ends with, "…run AJ! Run!" 

The hallway is dark and quiet — creepy almost doesn't describe it. The only light is from the red "Exit" signs in a few spots. I walk carefully, and then come upon the strangest item to find in an empty school — a boot.

It's small and childlike, with some mud caked on the side. Just a bit farther into the dimness is its match, lying near the hallway intersection by the school trophy case. I move over to it, and stand waiting for a sign; a noise… anything to give away where my prey has fled to.

But I hear nothing, and decide that I'm going to have to rile him up.

"You know, I was incredibly shocked when I saw you walk into that classroom. I mean, I'd been jacking off and fucking third graders for months while watching that video. I found `Birthday Cock' — that's what it's called — on the dark web, where I found the rest of your videos. You're kind of a movie star to me. The way you suck Daddy's big long cock… damn, it's making me hard just thinking about it."

Sticking my hand in my pocket, I grab my monster cock and move it to a position that's a little more comfortable. 

"The best part was your face. The look on your face when he popped that big mushroom head in your ass was the best. I'll never forget it. I always make the boy I'm fucking look at me so I can see that look, but no one does it like you do.

"Does Zack get to see that look? Will you give me that look when I pop my monster into your creamy ass?"

I stop and listen to the silence, and right before I pick a direction, I hear a… clink. The noise is coming from the hall that leads to the front door. I bet he doesn't know that they chain and padlock it at night.

He has nowhere to go. He's all mine. 

I move slowly; I plan on checking every shadow and every door to make sure my little boy-toy isn't hiding. The first two doors are locked tight, so I move on down the hall.

"Imagine my surprise when my favorite movie star walks into that classroom. I must have stared at you the whole time. I couldn't believe it was you, until I made you yell. Then I knew it was you.

"I want you so bad, and you ruined it! It was only a blowjob! Damn you and your twin faggots! I had plans. I was going to move you to the top of my boy list. I was going to fuck you at least three times a week, and we were going to have weekend sleepovers where I would fuck that sweet ass all night. But you messed it up, and with it, my life!"

I punch a locker to let off some steam, and I realize all I can hear is the beating of my own heart. So, I do my best to calm down.

The stillness returns, and my thoughts switch to when I have him home and chained up in the fishing shed. Man, I can't wait to have him all to myself.

"I can't believe that Missy was so willing to do what I asked of her. She was getting this fat dick up her cunt twice a week at school, and then she wasn't. That made her all too willing to fuck with you and the faggot twins. You should have seen her face light up when I emailed her `Birthday Cock'. I'd never seen her laugh so hard when she saw the pain in your face as your dad jabbed his cock deep inside you…"

Suddenly, a small, thin shadow appears in the moonlight.

How did he get behind me?!

I spin around, ready for anything. 

AJ 

Leaving my footprints in the dust on top of the locker, I fly through the stillness over my prey. Aged old wood that has been held by countless students before me is in my death grip. Cocking my weapon of choice over my head, my shadowless form arches at the peak of my leap. As I begin to descend, I enter the moonlight, and my sudden shadow startles Bobby. His body turns, and the confusion on his face that no one is behind him assures me of my surprise attack.

Rage blinds me from my normal, careful precautions. The thought of how badly this could end flashes in the back of my mind, but the need for vengeance drives me.

He's seen the video! He has been getting off watching me go through that pain, and now he wants to reenact it! He gave it to Missy! Missy has seen me raped by Daddy! 

Crack! 

Years of slapsticking and countless boys being checked into corners has weakened the stick just enough that it explodes into pieces across Bobby's back. He arches his back in pain and collapses onto his knees. Splinters embed themselves into Bobby's back and my hands, but the pain doesn't shock me out of my rage. My sneak attack leaves me with just part of the handle, and I raise it over my head in an attempt to end my embarrassment, my shame, my pain… 

A tiny flash of moonlight twinkles at the middle of my chest from the reflection in a glass display case across the hall. The promise ring glitters in the moonlight as it hangs from the silver chain around my neck.

The rageful grimace on my face is replaced with the sudden realization of what I am about to do. And that moment is all Bobby needs to turn and push me harder than I have ever been pushed.

My feet leave the floor as I fly uncontrollably backward until coming to an abrupt stop against something. A thumping pain from the back of my head sends stars and little floating shapes into my field of vision. Before I realize the danger I'm in, Bobby grips me by the neck and lifts me to my feet.

I struggle to pry off the hands of my attacker, and he yells in my face.

"Why do you always have to make it so hard on me?! You'll feel good too, you know! I'll treat you so much better than your dad did! It only hurts a little. Why can't you just accept it?"

I begin to kick and reach out to my surroundings for help. I can't breathe, and the burning need for air is beginning to overtake me. If I black out, he'll kidnap me. He'll beat me.

He'll kill me.

Bobby Ton 

His little body slams against the wall so hard he looks like a rag doll, and for a split second, I think I've killed him. He moves sluggishly and feels the back of his head. Anger swells up inside me as my arms reach out for his neck.

"Why do you always have to make it so hard on me?" I yell in his face. "You'll feel good too, you know! I'll treat you so much better than your dad did! It only hurts a little. Why can't you just accept it?"

AJ's arms flail out, reaching for anything that will help him get me to let go. My cock is so hard that I can't wait for him to black out. I think I will have to have a quickie right here.

I brace him up against the wall with one hand and slide my hand down his chest, over his tight, cute little abs, and then my fingers slip between his belt and his skin. They curl around his little dick. AJ is so scared, it's shrunken up to just a knob. It's so soft. My cock throbs. 

As he squirms in my grip he struggles to say something.

"I've g…t… gt… the fir… exting… sher." 

He's enjoying it! I knew he would!

"You like that, don't you? See? This will be great. You won't have to worry about anything but servicing me. I'll take care of everything."

I loosen the grip I have on his neck and listen to him struggle to get his breath back. 

"Just tell me what you want."

"I've…" he begins, as his chest heaves. "…got the…" he squeaks out as his eyes frantically search for the words.

"…fire extinguisher!" 

AJ 

Outstretching fingers search for help. Anything… anything… then they touch something metallic and heavy.

Bobby is crazy, and I've got to do something or I'm not going to make it out of this alive. My broken warning falls on deaf ears, and he leans in closer so I can try to tell him again. But there's no more time.

The fire extinguisher crashes upside Bobby's head with a sickening bong, and we both fall to the floor.

Gasping for air, I roll over and swing the extinguisher again. It slams into his knee at an odd angle, and then it breaks free from my grip and spins out of control. Clanging on the floor, it crashes into the wall, breaking the nozzle and causing it to spray CO2 all around us in a white cloud. It spins across the hallway, smashing through the display case. Glass scatters everywhere.

Then… it comes back at us. I've rolled up into the fetal position and Bobby is coming at me out of the white fog. The damaged extinguisher strikes him in his shoulder, flipping him over me and back into the fog. 

I hear the extinguisher banging down the hall, covering it in a dense fog. Bobby's moaning and grunting bring me back to my goal. But I begin to think that I might have taken this too far.

I get up and I head to Mrs. Simons' classroom. A hand bursts from the fog, grabbing my pant leg, and I come crashing to the floor.

I roll over, and I see Bobby rise out of the cloud with a look of pure rage. His left arm hangs limply at his side, and he is having problems holding on to me. The 539-nylon washer rope slips off my neck and over my head. The rope is securely gripped in my right hand, and I swirl it, wrapping the washers tightly against my knuckles. When Bobby lurches at me, I sit up and connect with his face. Blood smears across his cheek and nose as the washers cut deeply into him like a large animal's claw. His body falls limp on me, and I feverishly kick him off.

Bobby Ton 

Lunging at that little shit, I see the fog beginning to stir on his right side. Without warning of the danger, his fist emerges with something wrapped around it, hitting my cheek. It feels like claws on the whole side of my face, and he rocks my jaw so hard that it feels like I've lost a few teeth. Blood pools on the floor beneath my face as I push myself up.

"I'm going to kill that little shit!" I mean to say, but the only sound I make is incoherent.

Sitting up, I see the fog moving toward the third-grade class.

"You can't hide from me," I say, with a garble like when one's mouth is numb.

With my good leg, I force myself to my feet and use the wall to make my way into the classroom.

"I've got you now. You'll never get past me!" 

The sound of the flagpole slamming to the floor behind me spins me around, and I catch a glimpse of AJ running through the door with a wooden wedge in his hand.

"No," I scream and limp as fast as I can, but he slams the door in my face and kicks the wedge into the bottom of it.

Standing slowly, AJ stares at me through the door's window with equal anger as I have for him right now. I can clearly make out the bruising on his neck from my hands.

I bang on the door and I curse at him while he glares at me.

"Hey!" he yells and holds up his phone. Its screen says one word that almost stops my heart — Recording.

"That's right, my phone has been recording you this whole time, and now, I'm going outside to get bars so I can call the cops."

He gives his phone a little shake and gives me a quick grimacing smile that says he has me right where he wants me. He thinks he's won. 

No-no-no! It can't end like this!

As he heads to the front door, I begin to slam all my weight into the classroom door. It moves a little, so I do it again, and again. My rage masks the pain in my face and leg, as I semi-run into the door. The glass shatters as the door moves just enough for me to squeeze through.

I make my way to the front doors, and I open them with the full intention of killing that little shit.

Zack 

Twenty Minutes Ago 

Under the bleachers, I go over the facts of the situation.

It has to be me, AJ signs to me, and I slowly turn to face him, knowing exactly what he means.

No. That isn't even an option. No-, I start to sign, but AJ interrupts me by slapping my hands away. 

I can't get Zeke out of here, I'm too small, and we have to do something before Bobby kills him. You can't beat him in a fair fight, and we both know he won't fight fair. If I try to help, I'll just be in the way.

He takes a deep breath and then takes my hand. I shake my head because I know what he's thinking.

I have to lead him away, so you can get Zeke out of here.

I look over my shoulder as Bobby takes a few more swings at my brother's ribs before he begins to crank him off the floor. I reach for AJ to bring him close to tell him `No' once more, and he's gone.

Frantically, I look around to see him at the end of the bleachers. He drops his coat and pushes the send message button on a text from his phone. Then he starts a recording app, signs I love you, and then steps out from under the bleachers.

"Oh my gosh… oh my gosh… oh my gosh!" I panic to myself through clenched teeth as AJ and Bobby talk back and forth.

OK, I must get Zeke out of here as fast as I can, so I can come back and rescue AJ.

I can do this.

AJ runs from the gym, with Bobby walking after him like he knows something AJ doesn't. Once he clears the room, I head towards Zeke as he yells for AJ to run.

"What are you doing here?" he asks in a weak voice. 

"Shhh. Saving you. Now shut up, and I'll get you out of here." 

I crank the rope that raises and lowers the basketball hoop, dropping my brother to the floor. He uses the rope to balance himself, and I pull out my pocketknife to cut him free.

He's nearly dead weight when I sling his arm around my neck. AJ's right; he could have never gotten Zeke out. He's wincing and grunting in pain with every step as we work ourselves toward the door.

I plan to get him to the horses and then come in through the front door to help AJ. But my plan goes to shit once we get into the boy's locker room.

"What do we have here?" the large black man says.

I do my best to backpedal, but it's hard to walk backward while supporting someone else's weight.

"Come on, guys. It's over. Bobby ran off with AJ. You don't need us anymore," I plead to the two men. 

The black guy pats the tall blonde man on the chest before walking towards us.

"Looks like a bonus for us."

The blonde man stares at me, and for some reason, I get the feeling that he's not going to hurt us.

"Rick, let them go," the tall man says softly.

"No way. Not unless they can outbid that brat," says Rick as he goes for us.

I trip over Zeke's legs, and we fall to the floor. The blonde man grabs Rick's shoulder, pulling him away from us.

"Franklin, what are you doing?" he yells, and then does some kind of martial arts move that grabs Franklin's arm, swinging him into the lockers. 

I grab a baseball bat that's under a bench and crack Rick across the back. He quickly swings his arm out and backhands me to the floor. Pushing off the lockers, Franklin gets Rick off balance and pulls him headfirst into the set of lockers next to me.

When he gets his footing, he starts to lunge at Franklin, but I connect the bat to one of his knees and hear a crack that's unmistakably bad for Rick.

He screams and grabs at his knee, giving Franklin enough time to wrap his grossly large arms around Rick's neck, putting him into a choke hold.

I go for Zeke and manage, with almost no help from him, to get his arm on my shoulder, and we start for the door. He clutches the bat I used in his other hand, dragging it behind us, and it makes a scraping noise. When we get to the door I hike my brother up on the wall so I can check if the coast is clear. When I come back, Franklin is standing next to my brother with the baseball bat pointed at him. 

"Why'd you help us?" I ask. 

"I'm done kidnapping kids for that brat," he says as a matter of fact. Taking out his phone, he adds it to a phone in his other hand and hands them to me.

"This is all the proof you need on Mr. Ton to keep him in jail for a while. I've even got some information on the other kidnapped boys he's had us do to use as leverage." 

"What do you want from us?" I ask while taking the phones. 

He takes a moment to collect his thoughts.

"A head start."

He slips past us and out the door. When I have Zeke back up and out the door, he's gone.

AJ 

Bobby pushes the doors open. The floodlights from the police cars blind him. He's so shocked, he almost falls over.

"Freeze! Get those hands up!" shouts the officer that came with Captain Lee.

I watch Bobby shield his eyes and go ghost pale when it dawns on him what is going on. 

"I lied," I shout to him. "I texted Captain Lee over twenty minutes ago,"

I hand the captain my phone.

"It's all on here. He was raping third graders before I even moved here. He also told me what he planned on doing with me once he had kidnapped me."

The captain takes the phone and nods to the paramedics. They wrap me up in a blanket. The bigger of the two medics scoops me up and takes me to the ambulance. 

"I bet you don't remember me, do you?" the medic asks.

I give him a long look and shrug.

"Well, let's just say this isn't the first time I've helped you into my rig," he says with a smile. "It's not even the second." 

The twins are soon led to the other ambulance, Zeke on a gurney. Zack rushes over to me. He hugs me tightly and tells me how proud he is of me and how brave I am.

About the same time, I hear Mom yell my name. She and Dad hug us too, then scold us for being so dumb to do this alone. 

"This isn't the movies or some video game. You two are so grounded! I'm so proud of you and mad at you at the same time." That's all she can say before she wraps us both in huge hugs again.

The ambulance takes Zeke to the hospital, Dad riding with him. We talk with Captain Lee for like a half hour, and then Mom leads us to the school parking lot.

On the way to the SUV I stop, pulling Mom's and Zack's hands to get their attention.

"I want to go to the hospital to see Zeke, but what are we going to do with the horses?" 

My mother's face goes blank, and then she's mad again.

"Wait… you rode the horses here?!"

"Well, you don't think we walked, do you? It's freezing out here."

Chapter Text

AJ

Thanksgiving Day 

"I'm so excited!" 

Zack laughs at me and smacks my bare ass.

"Calm down, you can't meet the new farm hands naked!" 

I get to the window wall looking down the driveway. The glass is so cold on my hard little four inches [10 cm]. It makes it numb, and I love to see how long I can hold it against the glass.

This time I have the longest hard-on I've ever had because Zack just sucked me off. Closing my eyes, I feel the cold numbness surrounding my dick, and I begin to giggle. Suddenly, Zack pins me up against the glass and exposes my whole body to the cold, and I break out into a laugh.

"Stop! You're going to freeze my balls off," I beg as he starts to tickle me. 

"You're so hot spread eagle," Zack whispers in my ear. He kicks my legs apart.

"It's exciting that anyone can walk by the front yard and see you and me.."

He sticks his cock up my butt, and I release a deep moan of pleasure. 

He holds his hand up to my face, and my tongue wraps around his middle finger. Pulling it into my mouth, I suck and wrap my tongue around it.

"…fuck," he lustily whispers, and then he gives me a reach around. His warm tender hand takes my genitals, and the first orgasm overtakes me. Zack's warm body pins me to the freezing glass while my body shakes and jerks.

"Do you like that?" he asks in my ear. 

"More…" 

He leans over my shoulder and kisses the top of my ear, then bites it. I suck in the cold air from the glass door through my closed teeth. Zack pushes his long cock up inside me hard, and I wince and stand up on my toes. It glides out slowly, rubbing my boy button making my body quiver, then quickly rams it back in, making me wince and moan, really too loud.

His warm hands snatch mine and hold them above my head and begins to give me his best. My dick and balls rub against the glass as Zack gives me my second and third orgasm of the morning.

Then he repositions his body. One strong hand holds me up against the cold glass, and he wraps his other arm around my chest in a hug, and re-inserts his long cock real… real… slow, causing me to grasp his arm wrapped around my chest and whimper.

"Zack… more… there, right… there… Zack — oooh," 

Without warning, a snowball hits the glass two inches [5 cm] from my head startling both of us. Zack rams his cock up my butt, making me cry out as we share an orgasm. Breathing heavily, I can feel his hot breath on my ear when a second snowball hits the glass again. Down on the ground outside our dad and Zeke are clearly enjoying the show. When Dad turns and walks away, we both flip off Zeke. 

"Are we done?" I ask with a little sadness in my voice. 

He turns me around and kisses me deeply and passionately. I leap on him and wrap my legs around his hips, allowing him to work his dick into my hole. He carries me to the bed, lays me down gently, and whispers in my ear.

"Are you thankful?" 

I smile innocently and pull his strong hips into me to take all of his cock.

"Yes… Happy Thanksgiving." 

Zack winks at me and takes my legs and turns me over, and I push my butt into his crotch and wiggle it.

"So, what could you possibly want?" he asks, and then spanks my butt twice. 

"Ow! What're you doing?" I ask, looking back at him as I rub my butt cheek.

Pinning my arm on my back, he spanks my other cheek, and as I protest and try to cover it with my hand, he rubs it slowly. 

"Just loving my boy." 

"Doesn't feel like it," I say, a little confused. 

Zack lays his head on my now warm butt and kisses it lightly. He rubs it a little and then kisses me a little closer to my rosebud.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?"

I know where this is going, so I pull the pillow under my head on so I can moan into it. 

"Yes, but a little bit over," I say, like I'm guiding him to my special spot. 

My lover spreads my butt cheeks.

"Tsk, tsk… this looks puffy. Have you been abusing this little rim?"

He rubs a wet finger around my rim and I let out a little moan.

Then knocking comes from the wall next to our bed. I jolt up and cover my hard pecker with my pillow, and we turn to see Zeke leaning in the patio door.

"How long have you been watching us?" my twin asks his brother. 

"Long enough to like what I see," Zeke answers, and gives me a wink. 

My cheeks feel warm, and I notice my boyfriend smiling at me. 

"You're blushing, AJ," Zack says, and with one quick jerk he takes my pillow and smacks me in the face with it.

I fall back on the bed with the pillow over my face and fling my legs in the air, goofing around. Warm soft hands wrap around my ankles and with a swift pull, I slide to the end of the bed. 

"Are we going to pick up where we left off?" I ask. 

Taking the pillow from my face, I see Zeke holding my legs as wide as he can, displaying my little joystick standing straight up with its red button on top.

"I'd love to, but your mom asked me to come to get you two dressed and downstairs. Sex with me will have to wait," Zeke says. He holds my legs up and he spanks my exposed ass, leaving a sting that makes me howl.

Dropping my legs, I slide off the slippery sheets to the floor on my butt and howl again, and get to my feet.

"Man, what is with you two and spanking this morning?!" I shout as I rub my butt. 

"Zeke, that was a little too hard," Zack says, defending my tender butt. 

Zeke heads towards the door and gives us one last look, and smiles.

"You always liked it harder than that."

Then he heads down the stairs. 

Zack gently turns me to look at my butt. "Aw, he left his handprint on here. I'm surprised you showed him your dick. Sure, it's a beautiful little cock, but you're usually too shy around Zeke." 

"I thought it was you. His hands are usually way rougher. For some reason they're soft like yours today. Besides, it was kind of hot letting someone see it and maybe play with it."

Zack stands and stares at me as if I said something wrong, so I go over my words quickly. I add, "…if you say it's OK, that is." 

Zack grins down at me and leans down to kiss me on the lips. Breaking the kiss slightly, he speaks softly.

"You're so cute. Let's get dressed before Dad comes up here and we both get a spanking."

Zeke 

Coming down the stairs two at a time, I get an irritated shout from Mrs. D.

"Slow down, please! Sounds like a herd of elephants, for Pete's sake." 

"Sorry Mrs. D," I apologize. 

"Did you get those two up and at it?" 

"Yes ma'am." I giggle to myself. "Their mood is successfully broken." 

Mrs. D looks questionably at me, but doesn't dare ask what I did, for fear I'll tell her.

"Honey, can you vacuum the rugs for me? I've got to finish the dusting quickly, so I can get back in the kitchen." 

I must look like an out-of-place jock because she nods toward the closet.

"Um, vacuuming really isn't my th…"

Then she gives me that look. The one that reminds me of my mom. The look that has turned my brother into an emotional idiot.

"Sorry. I'll figure it out." 

The vacuuming isn't that bad, except for the critical observation I am given at the last rug.

"You, uh, missed a spot there." 

"You're not funny, Jack" 

I hear his laughter behind me, and while I finish the last rug, Mrs. D, passing him as she goes into the kitchen, smacks his chest and tells him to leave me alone. He holds his coffee away so as not to spill it on himself or her, but to be honest, it is a little theatrical, and I think he's trying to seem cute. It's nice to see him acting like this. They think they're hiding their attraction for each other, but we kids see right through it. 

As I'm putting the vacuum cleaner away, Jack asks, "If Alice is done with you, I could use some help in the farmhand's house." 

I look to Mrs. D and she answers.

"Zack and AJ will be able to help me when they get down here. Don't make a day of it Jack, I've got to finish the turkey, peel the potatoes, chop the vegetables…"

Uncle Jack kisses her on her cheek halting her Thanksgiving meal list. I stand there with my coat in my hand, watching my slick uncle turn and pick up his coffee. He looks at me defiantly.

"What?" 

I sigh and put my jacket over my shoulders.

"Nothing. It just seems that everyone in this house is in love with someone." 

Jack fills his cup, and from the corner of my eye, I see Mrs. D looking at Jack with concern. But I don't stick around for the pity looks or conversation, I head outside.

It's nice living in the main house and all, but the emotional scale is dialed up to a ten. I kind of miss the days when we didn't talk about our feelings. Sort of. 

The sound of snow crunching is the coolest sound in my opinion. Sitting in the patio chair with six inches [15 cm] of snow to finish lacing my work boots is a guaranteed snow-crunching delight. I rock my butt back and forth, getting more crunching, but in different tones, which is so cool.

Then the door opens and Jack walks out. I immediately stop playing around and go back to lacing my boots. 

"What were you doing?" 

"Nothing! Just lacing my boots," I snap back, sending puffs of white air at him. 

He smiles, and I can tell he caught me acting like a little boy, so I stand up, annoyed.

"Oh, come on!" 

I have to remember to stop acting so childish or he'll never take me seriously.

When we get to the snow-covered basketball court, I bend over and scoop up some snow as Jack passes me heading to the farmhands' house's front door. The snow crunches in my hands, and I smile a little as the devilish thought slips into my mind. 

"Don't even think about it. We got work to do. Play later." 

Play later. Play later. I've grown up hearing that phrase. It doesn't bother me as much as it did in my younger years, but now you can say I see the meaning behind it. I just never find the time to… play. 

Jack goes inside, and I allow myself just a little 'act your age' time. I juke to the left, then the right and jump up for the three-point shot. The snowball smacks the backboard with a satisfying sound leaving half of it caked to the board. 

Suddenly I hear from inside the house, "What did I tell you?" So I hurry inside and shut the door.

Jack is messing with the thermostat, trying to get this place up to a temperature where we don't have to wear our winter jackets inside.

"Shit," I say without thinking. "I think it's colder inside!" 

Uncle Jack looks at me with a stern look that slowly turns into a smile.

"Uh, let's watch that language. Alice plans on breaking you kids of that bad habit before you teach it to AJ." 

"How?" I ask skeptically. I mean, I like Mrs. D and all, but cussing makes me feel more like an adult. I'm not about to stop. 

Jack chuckles and answers, "She plans on washing your mouth out with soap," and he continues to laugh at the thought of me with a bar of soap in my mouth. 

"That's not funny. You can't let her do that!" 

Jack takes a package from the table and gives it to me.

"Here, you put the new shower curtain on, and I'll start pulling the old garbage disposal out. As far as your cussing goes, maybe she's right. She's raised three kids, and I'm more of an older roommate with you two than a father." 

I'm frozen in place, staring at the shower curtain package. But it's not really the contents of the package, a dark blue curtain with a see-through top, or the package itself. It's thoughts about what Jack just said and what it could mean that distracts me.

Jack clears his throat from the kitchen. Looking up at him, he nods his head towards the bathroom. I jerk into motion and head that way.

"Sorry."

When I'm in the bathroom and can't be heard, I follow up my apology with a whisper.

"You're a great dad, Jack." 

AJ 

"Happy Thanksgiving, Mom!" I announce as I hurry to my stool and climb up to receive my breakfast. 

"Oh, happy Thanksgiving, honey," and she kisses my forehead as she hurries by to get something out of the closet.

"Zack, could you please take care of AJ? I need you two to help with getting this house ready for our guests. After your breakfast, Zack dear, please make sure the porch is shoveled off and AJ can spread the salt on the stairs." 

Well, that doesn't sound like fun. It's Thanksgiving, and I want to go play in the snow.

But before I can even complain, she hits me with the most unthinkable, the most irresponsible, the most insulting thing I've ever heard her say to me,

"AJ, honey, be a good boy and pick up all your Rubiks cubes. Take them to your room and put them in your closet. I don't think you need them anymore." 

Don't need them anymore! What does that mean? Like I'm cured? Cured from what? Am I sick?

These thoughts and many more cloud my mind, but Zack must have guessed what I'm thinking. He taps the rim of my cereal bowl and whispers.

"Hey, you'll be fine. I'll ask if it's OK to leave one down here. Eat, I need your help with the porch." 

Zack's face is practically glowing right after our shower, and with his smile adding to it, I almost melt off my stool. Leaving one downstairs seems reasonable to me, so I give him a nod and begin eating.

After breakfast, we get our coats and boots on. Zack gets a shovel from the mud room, and I drag out the container of special salt we use on the front porch. It doesn't hurt the wood, and it's supposed to be good for the environment. Lana made Dad buy it instead of his normal brand to save the planet. I wouldn't think the planet will die because we don't want to fall on our asses, but whatever. 

As Zack shovels, I sit on the handrail thinking about the past four weeks. After rescuing Zeke, I heard that they put Bobby in kid jail till he turns eighteen, and then will move him to real jail. His father either couldn't get him out of this one or he just didn't want to. I mean, kidnapping, torture, threatening rape, actual rape, and murder… the list goes on and on.

I guess after I came forward about what he said, other kids that he had been raping on a weekly basis came forward. All third-grade boys, some did it out of fear, some for money, and some just liked it. I can't imagine why though. Bobby is so gross. 

I wasn't really surprised that Ash was one of his victims. I guess he was one of the boys that let Bobby rape him because he likes it. That'd be a shame, he's really cute. 

"Hey, are you going to salt, or sit there and daydream?" 

"Sorry."

Hopping off the rail, I take the little scoop and begin to sprinkle the not-salt stuff where he's shoveled. That done, we put the stuff away and take off our coats and boots.

Mom quickly puts us to task, trying to lessen her workload. Zack teaches me how to peel potatoes. It's not hard, just boring.

After the rescue, everyone was proud of me, but they were mad, too. Too reckless, too dangerous, too irresponsible… and everyone was glad to see me safe.

Heck, even Lana yelled at me for being reckless, and then she hugged me. Hugged me! She has been acting really nice since `Missy the bitch' is gone. I sorta like it.

Don't tell anyone I said that.

Anyway, Zack and I were grounded for three weeks. Extra chores, no tv, no toys, no iPads or iPhones, and pretty much anything else my mom could come up with. One day, she grounded me from having an orange at breakfast. Being grounded sucks. 

"Hey, hey, pay attention. You're missing a lot of the skin," Zack says, a little upset. 

"Sorry! I've never done this before!" 

Zack pulls out a few and makes me redo them. Maybe it's harder than I first thought. My hands are slick and smell like raw french fries.

Our potato peeling is interrupted by a knock at the door. 

We hop up and head to the door, with Mom behind us, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel.

"Boys, calm down. Let me answer the door."

We back off, and Mom tosses the towel over her shoulder and opens the door. 

"Hello, may I help you?" 

"Hello, I'm Hoss Parker." 

"Come in, it's nice to meet you face to face finally," she says with a smile, and shows him inside.

Zack and I sit on the steps as we study the new farmhand, him a few steps up with his legs opened wide and me on the second step between them.

Hoss is a strapping man, a little shorter than Dad. He takes off his cowboy hat, showing off his brown buzz-cut hairstyle.

"Take off your coat and stay for a while," Mom says cheerfully. She begins to close the door as Hoss walks into the living room area when someone catches the door, preventing it from closing.

"Oh, sorry. Who do we have here?" 

"That's Parker — well, Bartholomew Parker. My son," says Hoss as he turns towards the door. 

"Parker. Please just call me Parker," says a very handsome boy with golden hair. He has just the right number of curls that fall onto his face. He looks to be fourteen or fifteen years old, and I look back to Zack, catching him with his mouth open. 

"Hey," I whisper and elbow his leg. He closes his mouth and looks down at me with a `What!' face.

"Wipe the drool off your face, Lover," I say sarcastically and stand up to introduce myself. 

"Hi, I'm AJ," I say, walking over and offering my hand. Parker shakes it and looks to Zack, who now stands beside me. 

"I'm Zack, nice to meet you," he says, and Parker reintroduces himself.

Then Mom shuts the door and we all make our way to the couches. 

"Was your trip, OK?" My mom asks making small talk before signing the paperwork. Zack looks over at me while Parker fidgets with his zipper and signs Oh my god, he's so hot! 

I giggle and sign back Don't get any ideas, sexy, and I cover my mouth to stop the giggle from becoming a laugh. 

"Zack, will you please take Parker to the farmhouse and show him his new room? Take AJ with you." 

She says that last part like I would rather sit in here and listen to legal stuff. I hurry to join my boyfriend as he and Parker get their jackets on. Zack hands me my cowboy hat, and we head out the back door.

We give him the grand tour, pointing at the different buildings and naming them, and then Zack asks, "How old are you? What grade are you in?" 

"I'm fourteen and in ninth grade." 

Zack and I look at each other and say at the same time, "Third floor," and then start laughing. 

"Am I missing something?" Parker asks as I open the door and walk inside, shaking the snow from my jacket.

Zack and I are taking our jackets off when it happens. I notice Zack's whole-body shudder, and he takes a sharp breath. He looks at me with confusion on his face, but then a little smile appears. Slowly he turns towards the kitchen, and my eyes follow him to see Zeke standing there with an awestruck look on his face. 

"Um, Parker, this is my twin brother Zeke," Zack says, suppressing a giggle.

Parker takes a few steps forward and stares at Zeke with star-struck eyes. He speaks softly.

"…hi." 

"…hi," responds Zeke. 

There's a moment of electrified silence, and then Dad comes from the kitchen, wiping his hands with a shop rag.

"Who's here? Is that AJ and Zack?"

Seeing Parker, he asks, "Who's this?" 

"His name is Parker," I begin to ramble excitedly. "Well, that's not his first name, it's his last — " but I'm quickly interrupted by Dad, who gets the picture.

"OK AJ, I knew ol' Hoss had a kid. Nice to meet you, Parker," he says, and holds out his hand.

Parker doesn't move, just says, "hi," in that soft, gentle voice of his, but this time it cracks.

He blushes and looks away, then heads into the twin's old bedroom. 

"Is he OK?" asks Dad, looking back at Zeke.

Zeke is staring off into the bedroom, waiting for Parker to come out, I guess. 

"Yeah, I think so," I offer, a little unsure, honestly. 

Zack begins to laugh and says under his breath, "Zeke's in love." 

"I am not!" Zeke says harshly as he finally comes out of his trance. 

"Dude, you totally are!" laughs Zack, "You can't hide it from me." 

Zeke looks from me to Dad, and then he runs out of the house.

Zeke 

Snow falls from the roof when the door slams behind me. My thoughts flood my mind with questions.

What was that? Why couldn't I move? Why was I suddenly worried that I didn't take a shower this morning after chores?

Then I suddenly become pissed at myself for saying "…hi."

Really? "hi" is the best you can come up with? 

Kicking at the snow and punching at the air, I go from being pissed at myself to being pissed at Zack for making fun of me, then pissed at myself again for being a dumbass for not guarding my feelings and letting Zack know.

Wait… did Parker think I acted weird? Did he think saying "hi" is weird? Did I even tell him my name before he ran off?

Why did he run off?

Why can't I breathe?!

I knock the snow off the fence rail and lean on it trying to catch my breath, when I suddenly realize that it's freezing out here.

Shit! I don't even have my boots on, and my socks are soaking wet!

Man, what is happening to me? 

AJ 

Watching Zeke through the window, Zack deflects as many questions as I can throw at him, trying to keep me in the dark about what just happened.

"Come on, tell me! What's so funny? Why is Zeke outside in his socks and tee-shirt, yelling at the snow?" 

"I'm sorry I ran off like that," Parker says as he re-enters the room. "I'm not sure what happened, I suddenly couldn't breathe."

"I have a good idea what happened," Zack says as he turns around and sits on the couch. 

"That's enough Zack. Parker, no need to apologize. I'm sorry my nephew ran outside," Dad says and begins to steer us, boys, toward the door. I hop off the couch, looking out at Zeke one more time, and hurrying to put my boots and coat back on. 

"When did he run outside? I didn't even notice," Parks says, blushing at the mention of Zeke. 

Dad puts his hand on Parker's back and reassures him.

"I'm sure he's fine. He's just experiencing something new to him, is all." 

"Did I say something wrong?" 

"Not unless `hi,' set him off." I say, and Zack busts out in laughter. 

Dad's hand is swift as it impacts the back of Zack's head.

"Ow!" Zack's laughter comes to an abrupt halt, and he rubs the back of his head. 

"Parker, we'll meet you back in the main house. Tell your dad that everything here is ready for you guys. I have to talk to my boys." 

Parker leaves the farm-hand house and heads back towards the main house. Out the window I see Zeke and Parker head into the horse barn. What is he doing? He has to be freezing.

Dad gets my attention by tapping on my forehead with his finger. With that same finger, he points to both of us really close to our faces.

"Listen, you've had your fun. I don't want you making fun of your brother for this." 

"Do you know how much shit we have to endure from him about AJ and I loving each other?" Zack says, slightly raising his voice while still rubbing the back of his head. 

"What?" I ask, looking at Zack. "You said he wasn't making fun of us having s…"

I look at Dad, and rephrase my thought.

"…us doing stuff." 

Ignoring me, Zack complains.

"I can't make any promises. I mean, if he starts up his funny jokes about my love life, then the gloves are off." 

"Zack, you heard me. I'm serious about this. You know, you had that look on your face when you met AJ, and AJ, you hid behind a couch at the first sight of Zack. We all have that speechless moment. Let your brother work through his." 

We both agree, Zack more so than me. I'm still in the dark. And now, for some reason, knowing that Zeke makes fun of me for having sex is upsetting and worrisome. Maybe he's making fun of how I have sex. Or the faces I make.

Oh no! Maybe… I'm terrible at it!

I can feel myself get worked up and my breathing speeds up. Dad shoves us into the snow and shuts the door behind us. 

"Am I terrible at sex? Can Zeke feel that I suck at sex?" 

My questions pull Zack out of brooding on what Dad said.

"What? No, you're fine at sex. You're great at it. Why are you asking?" 

"Is that what Zeke is making fun of me about?" 

The wind whips around us as we stand in the snow, and he embraces me with a hug. He looks into my eyes with a tender smile.

"He's not making fun of you, my little teddy bear. He's making fun of me. He's jealous because I fell in love with the cutest little boy we've ever seen, and I have him every night to cuddle. Don't worry about it, OK?"

He kisses me deeply, and I can feel his tongue asking for permission to enter my mouth. I open my mouth and his tongue enters, caressing mine. The wind blows in between our faces, giving a hot and cold feeling that sends shivers up my spine.

Zack pulls off my lips, and I honestly forget what we were talking about for a few seconds. He turns around and motions for me to hop on his back. It's a lot harder with our winter coats on, but we manage.

Chapter Text

Zeke 

Thanksgiving Evening 

Standing in the horse barn, looking at the door and freezing my ass off is making me feel stupid. I decide I'm acting like a child, and I reach for the door to open it.

The thought that Parker might still be out there halts my hand. I pull it back hesitantly, wondering if I should take that chance, and what will I say if he's standing there like before.

Hi, I normally stand in the snow in my socks. It's quite invigorating.

"I'm being a dumbass," I say out loud to myself, and I reach for the door. Suddenly the door opens, causing me to stumble back and fall on my ass, and Jack walks through it. 

"Yes, you are," he says. He has my coat and my boots in one hand, and he offers me his other, helping me to my feet.

"What's wrong, Zeke?" 

"Nothing," I say all bravado. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

Standing up, I reach for my ribs at the sharp pain that Jack inflicts from pulling me to my feet. They are better than they were three weeks ago, but they still bite me occasionally. 

"Ribs?" 

"Just a little tender is all. I'm fine. Thanks for my coat and boots. I'm not sure how I forgot them." 

"You forgot them. OK, if that's what you're going with," Jack says, playing along with my little game.

He walks over to a hay bale, takes a very audible seat, and pats the space left to his right. I zip up my coat and figure I have to tie my boots anyway, so I take a seat. Then he says something I thought I'd never hear my uncle say.

"So, that Parker sure is a looker, huh?" 

"Dad?!"

There it was. It was out there before I could take it back. I'm so caught up in Parker that my mind is slipping.

"Sorry, my mind isn't working. I don't know what is wrong with me." 

He puts his arm around me and says, "Never be sorry for calling me Dad. It's an honor to be thought of that way, but what's most important is that you feel comfortable calling me that. If not, Jack will do." 

I give him a nod because if I open my mouth, I'm sure something dumb will come out.

Uncomfortable silence surrounds us, and I'm not even aware of it. All I can think about are those perfect hazel eyes and those god-like curls flawlessly dangling in his eyes. His skin looked so smooth, and his hands so soft. My eyes fall on my hands, and I see the dirty nails and skin. The putrid aroma begins to alert my nose that I can't let him see and smell me like this again. 

Jumping to my feet, I announce, "I have to get cleaned up!" 

"Before your chores? I was going to suggest that Parker do them with you so you could…" 

"What? No, he can't see me like this! I stink, and I'm all dirty!" 

Jack laughs at me and nods his head in understanding, saying, "OK. After your shower."

AJ 

"Pssst… AJ."

I hear a hoarse whisper behind me, coming from the kitchen. Zack and I are showing Parker the soccer game I got for my birthday.

I look over at Mom in the kitchen; she's busy working on some kind of macaroni salad. I shrug it off and look back to see how the game is going, and I hear it again.

"Pssst. AJ!" 

I get up and head into the kitchen and am about to ask Mom what she wants when I see Zeke hiding behind the bar.

"Hey, I need you to keep Parker distracted so I can get upstairs." 

"What? Why?" 

"Because I'm all dirty, and I don't want him seeing me like this." 

"You're always dirty, and you've made fun of me and Zack…" and I remember that my mom is on the other side of this bar, so I lower my voice, "…having sex. Why should I?" 

"I'm sorry, OK? It was mostly to get under Zack's skin anyway. I'd never try to hurt your feelings. Come on. Please." 

I think it over. I can never recall Zeke acting like this before, and I wonder if it has to do with him being in love. '

"OK, fine." I give him a cheeky smile, and he smiles back, then checks to see if Parker has moved over my shoulder. I check too, then return to my place on the couch. 

Parker finishes his turn with the controller, and he hands it to me.

"No, that's OK, you play. I play this all the time."

Zack gives me an odd look, knowing that I never turn down a chance to play this game, and I return his look with a shoulder shrug. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Zeke hurry up the stairs, as quietly as a charging bull can. 

"Stop running up the stairs!" Mom yells, and all of us on the couch turn to look at her, then look to the stairs to see no one, and look back at her. She thinks a second or two and then heads back into the kitchen. 

Zack gives me a suspicious look, and I shrug again, but this time with a grin. 

"Zack, be a dear and go find your uncle. Tell him that we have a heater that's down in the horse barn," Mom says, as she looks at the A.I. panel on the wall that controls the temperature in all the barns. 

"OK," my boyfriend says, and he hops up, tosses me the controller, and goes for his coat. It's not long before he's out the door, and Parker watches him leave. I notice him looking up toward the second floor, and I give it a look to see what he's looking at. 

"What'cha see?" I ask with general interest. 

"Huh? Nothing. Just looking… at the staircase. Very cool," he says, blushing.

I'm starting to think this Parker kid is weird.

"So… the twin that was sitting next to me, what's his name?" 

"Zack was on the couch. And Zeke is in the shower."

He nods, but it's like he's still not completely sure.

"Give it time. You'll start seeing the clues. They're identical, but there are clues. Like: Zeke is more adult and tough. Zack is more childlike and caring." 

"Caring, like… when he kissed you?"

Oops. He saw us outside kissing, I bet. 

"Umm…" I begin to answer, and squirm in my seat.

"I love my brothers very much, but Zack and I… are close," I say, not sure what I should be telling him and what I shouldn't. 

"Oh, OK," he responds, and we play the game for a little while. My nerves begin to calm down when he speaks again.

"I'm gay too." 

Oh my gosh, that's a relief. I didn't feel like hiding my relationship at home.

Wait… he's gay?

"You are?" 

"Yup, I've been out of the closet, as it were, for a couple of years now. It's why we had to move. Kids, and even some teachers, were not very accepting of me when they found out I was gay. I wasn't even allowed to be in the locker room with the other boys. I had to be early or stay later just to shower and change clothes."

"Wow, that sounds terrible. Well, you don't have to worry about it at our school. The whole school knows that Zack and I are gay, and they're fine with it. The `Lunch Table Boys' all accepted me almost immediately after finding out I was gay. I don't know how long they knew the twins were gay." 

"Sooo… both twins are gay?" 

"Yeah, but Zeke doesn't act like it very much. He'll say things, and tease me about it sometimes, like this morning he said he and I would have to have sex later… he's such a kidder," I say with a little laugh. 

The doorknob to the garage begins to wiggle and then pops open slowly and with an extreme amount of effort. Lana's butt pokes through first, then the rest of her. She has her arms full of groceries.

"Oh my god, never again. That was a suicide run." I see her notice me as I look over the back of the couch. "Hey, little bro, come help me with the groceries, and bring your new friend." 

Parker pauses the game, and we head that way into the kitchen, dodging Mom and Lana as they go through the bags. The trunk is open on her little blue Mustang. I have Parker load me up with five bags, and he takes the last two. Some laughter is exchanged between us as I fight for balance and complain that I can't see where I'm going. We banter back and forth as I struggle to get to the door. Without warning, Zeke rushes through it, almost knocking me down; thankfully, Parker catches me with his knee. 

"Hey, watch it!" I say, trying to stay upright. 

Because the shifting of the bags in my arms has covered my face, I don't see whom Zeke is talking to.

"Do you need help with those?"

Then he reaches past me and takes one of Parker's bags. I just can't believe it.

They both walk into the kitchen in some kind of trance. Something tells me this is going to be annoying if I don't speed it along. Those two need to be boyfriends, and soon. 

Mom sees me coming through the door and says, surprised, "Oh honey, I don't understand why you boys do this. Let me help you." 

She takes a couple of the bags in my arms, putting them on the table with the other two that Zeke and Parker have carried in.

"It's supposed to be a game, Mom. One of us takes as many as we can carry to see how many you can balance…"

The last part I yell out towards Zeke and Parker who have retreated to the sofa. "…but your brothers are supposed to help you if you can't see where you're going!"

Zeke never takes his eyes off Parker as he takes my seat. And my controller. 

"Well, it sounds like a silly game, AJ. I don't want you playing it anymore." 

Lana joins me at the bar, and I climb up on my stool.

"Looks like there's another hen in the chicken coop," she says, and tosses me a fresh orange. We watch the two lovebirds for a while. They aren't talking to each other, or doing anything really but playing the game badly.

From my seat, I think Zeke is trying to lose, and I think Parker is trying to check out Zeke's dick without him knowing it. I should never have told him the twins were gay.

Parker spends a lot of time glancing at Zeke's groin. Wait, aren't those jeans the ones that have holes in the knees and crotch?

Those are too tight for Zeke. Mom was going to cut them up and sew them so I could use them in the swimming hole.

She doesn't know that we swim naked.

Zeke 

He walks back to the couch, and seeing his little butt in front of me helps me forget how tight these pants are. They're very uncomfortable, and on top of that my hard-on is threatening to explode out of my already ripped crotch like that alien in… well, that movie, Alien.

I think I've been hard ever since I locked eyes with Parker. I worked it over thoroughly in the shower and shot twice — yeah, twice in a row — but it doesn't seem to care.

"You smell good. Err, I mean — what kind of body wash do you use?" Parker asks with the sweetest, gentlest voice. 

"Oh, ah… we use Sports Blast," I answer, a little taken aback by the question. Not that I didn't like it; I just wasn't expecting it.

Not wanting to be a conversation killer, I say, "You smell nice too."

Fuck, I sound like an idiot. 

He giggles, and for a minute, I think he sounds just like AJ when he laughs.

Is that why I can't take my eyes off him? Is that why I want to tear off his clothes and let him fuck me on the couch?

Fuck me? Wow, that's my first thought, and I'm a top. I rarely bottom.

"I use Deep Clean, but I also use Axe Body Spray and Deodorant."

His face squinches up and his eyes close, like he's trying to figure out why he told me what kind of deodorant he uses. It's cute. 

"Hey, love birds! Chores. Let's get a move on it," Jack says, standing in the kitchen. I didn't even hear him and Hoss come in. 

"Jack?!" I yell, as if he just told the biggest secret of my life to everyone. 

"No complaining. The horses eat before you two," says Hoss, as if has been living here for years. 

Parker and I jump up and get our coats and boots on, to the sound of AJ and my brother laughing. I'm sure he is feeling as uncomfortable as I am as we hurry out the back door into the cold Montana weather. 

Fighting the wind, it takes both of us to shut the barn door. Well, to be honest, I could probably do it, but if I did I wouldn't have an excuse to rub against Parker. His body is solid, and I can feel it's forged by farm work, like my own. He's slim like me and a few inches taller, but I haven't hit my major growth spurt yet. I can't wait to be as big as Jack. 

The door shuts and we stand back trying to act like we weren't rubbing all over each other. He quickly steps away like he knows I was copping a feel.

"I… umm…" 

His face is as blushed as mine feels, and he looks very uncomfortable, when suddenly we both say at the same time, "I didn't mean to touch you like that." 

And then again, "Sorry."

Then we both break out in laughter. 

"This normally only happens with my brother," I tell him as I turn to get the feed for the horses. 

"Right, twins. Is it weird being twins? I mean I know he looks like you, exactly like you, but does he act like you too?" 

I come out of the supply corner with a bucket of feed and a horse brush.

"Weird? Maybe for other people, but for us, it's normal. We're rated 99.5% identical, but act the same? No, definitely not. He's more… childish. I've spent my whole life being an adult. Sometimes, I wish I can be the little boy."

I toss the brush to him and flash a smile.

"Wow, that was a lot. Sorry. You can brush them while I feed them."

We move from horse to horse while I introduce them and we get them ready for the night.

AJ 

A Few Minutes Later 

Mom has the table looking amazing. It's all browns and oranges, with special plates, and glasses that she only uses during Thanksgiving, and she's even using placemats that have leaves and pumpkins printed on them. Between stealing kisses when we think that no one is watching and playing soccer/football on the PS5, Zack and I whisper back and forth about Parker and Zeke. 

"Do you see how they look at each other?" 

"Yeah, I thought Zeke was going to forget his name." 

I giggle at Zack's comment and score a goal. "Parker sure is cute, though. You don't think he's cuter than me, do you?" 

Zack gives me a look of deep thought, and I elbow his ribs.

"Of course you're cuter. You will always be my boy," and he kisses me. 

Mom walks up to the window, overlooking the barns. "It doesn't usually take this long to do the evening chores. I wonder what Zeke and Parker are doing?"

"Probably each other," I say under my breath and start giggling at the thought of it. Zack joins in the laughing, but Mom doesn't. 

"AJ, since you think it's so funny, please go outside and see what they're doing." 

"Aw, Mom!" I protest. 

"Go, mister. Zack, go wash up and hurry back so you can help me and your father with the food," she says with that look that all kids know that says, `the argument is over,' so I stand up in a huff and go get my coat and boots on. 

When I get outside, I hurry as much as I can in the snow to the horse barn — it's the closest — and put all my strength into the door. I give a big heave, but it only opens a couple of inches. Well, shit.

But it's enough for me to look around inside. If they're not in there, then I'll head to the next barn. Aaaaand… they're not in there.

Forcing the door shut, I put my hands in my pockets and head to the next barn. In a few moments I can see them coming out of the equipment barn. 

I giggle to myself and hide behind the horse barn, and quickly make as many snowballs as I can. I wait and wait, trying to do my best not to freeze to death laughing. I can hear them faintly at first, then loud enough to be right on top of me. So, I count the seconds for my master reveal. 

"AH-HA!" I shout. 

Parker and Zeke duck and dodge the snowball assault. I laugh and giggle until I realize that I've run out of snowballs. Taking off for the house, I beg for mercy.

"No, no, don't hit me!" 

"We're going to get you, little bro!" 

Snowballs fly over my shoulder and strike me in the back as I run toward the back porch. Electricity shoots up my spine, causing me to fall into the snow. The sounds seem to blur, making me lose track of what is going on around me.

Suddenly I can hear Parker laugh.

"Come on, AJ, get up." I feel his strong hands under my arms, and he lifts me to my feet.

We watch Zeke run past us, giving us the finger. Then I realize that I'm freezing everywhere except for the warm feeling coming from my crotch. Parker eggs me on, and we throw as many snowballs at Zeke as we can, two of which connect on his ass and leg. He acts as if we shot him with a cannon, and he falls into a snow pile, shouting out loud. 

"Go AJ, go! Hurry," Parker yells, and lightly pushes me towards the house.

I trudge my way back up to the door with one thing on my mind, and stumble inside. Kicking off my boots and tossing my coat on the floor, I rush toward my room to get out of these wet clothes before Mom sees them. 

"AJ, honey, jacket!" 

Halfway up the stairs, I hear Zack say, "Don't worry, Mom, I got it." 

I round the lower stairs twenty-five steps, then the stairs up to my room twenty-seven steps…

No wait… that's not right. There are not twenty-seven steps. I turn and look at the steps with my legs squeezed together, and I want to just go in my room to get out of these peed pants, but I have to make sure the count is not twenty-seven. I hear Mom yelling up the stairs about why I'm upstairs, but Zack says he's coming to check on me.

He's going to find out. He's going to know I peed my pants again.

But the stairs. I hurry down the stairs and start to count them again. 

"OK, twenty-three," I sigh, "that's right."

Entering my bedroom, I slam my door and begin to strip my clothes off while counting the balusters on my wall forty-six balusters. I run to the dresser to get clean underwear, but the door opens, and Zack's voice stops me. I turn around to face him and shamefully cover my crotch. 

"What's got into you? Why are you naked?"

I stand still, humiliated, and begin to cry. It doesn't take him long to smell my pants, which sit on the floor at his feet, inside-out. At first, he looks cross, and then Dexter tells us that Mom wants to know if AJ is OK. 

"Please don't tell…" I whimper and start crying harder. 

He nods and tells Dexter to tell Mom that I'm all wet from playing in the snow.

He walks over and hugs me, then wipes my tears away.

"You can tell me later what happened. Let's get you cleaned up and dressed. We'll be sitting down for supper soon, and you smell like piss." 

Coming down the stairs after one of Zack's famous sponge baths, I feel much better and even have a little bounce in my step. Zeke and Zack lock eyes, and then his eyebrows go up as if he understands. The twin thing is getting annoying. It feels like I'm being left out of an important conversation. 

"Is there something wrong?" asks Parker. "I didn't hurt you outside during the snowball fight, did I?" 

Before I can say anything, Zeke speaks up.

"No, he's fine. His clothes got wet when he fell in the snow, is all." Then Zeke gives me a wink, and I smile at Zack. 

"Well, come on then. Take your seats," my mother instructs. "Jack, at the head of the table. Hoss is on the other end. Lana and boys in your chairs, Parker, you can sit next to Zeke." 

We shuffle about, trying to get in the correct chairs, and after a few misses causing a few giggles, we all get in our correct places. All the fixings lay out on the table: green beans, rolls, cream corn, stuffing with and without oysters, deviled eggs, and some red, orange, and yellow stuff. Don't ask me what it all is, I have no idea. The orange stuff smells good, I just don't know what it is. 

"Before we bring out the turkey," Mom says loud enough for all of us to hear. "I want to go around the table and say what it is that we feel most thankful for. I'll go first.

"The beginning months here were incredibly hard on this family, and I didn't think we'd ever say that we could move past it, but here we are. I'm thankful for three families acting as one, and for AJ, Zack, and Zeke sitting with us, safe and sound today. Jack?" 

Jack stands up, towering over the rest of us sitting down.

"I'm thankful for the safety of all my boys, despite their best efforts." This earns him a laugh from everyone and the blushing of cheeks from all of us boys. "Seriously though, I'm thankful for new friends becoming like family and for the possibilities that lay before us for our future." 

The twin next to me stands up and begins.

"For those that still can't tell us apart, I'm Zeke," he says, with the biggest smile on his face. Parker looks at the twin sitting next to him, giggling, as the standing one continues.

"Just kidding."

Mom gives Zack's arm a little push as she laughs, saying he had her for a moment. Not me, I would know my lover anywhere.

"Sorry, I had to try. Anyway, I'm thankful for friends that become like family and for my eyes to be open to seeing my soulmate in the back of an SUV moving well over the speed limit." Everyone laughs, and Mom swears she wasn't driving that fast. Zack waits for the laughter to die down and continues.

"AJ, I love you with every bit of my soul, and can't wait to put that ring on your finger." 

I stand up before Zack sits down, and I hug my boyfriend. While I hold his hand, I look around the table at the faces of the people that have seen me at my worst and who have pulled me out of the darkness.

"I… umm," I stammer a little, and feel a single tear begin its trail down my cheek. "I don't really know what to say. It's hard to count what I'm thankful for the most. I'm thankful for friends that become like family. And for being alive. Dying was not fun, and I have my boyfriend to thank for saving my life time and time again. I'm thankful for all the doctors who never gave up on me. But I'm also thankful for Dad for reading me a story at night when I ask for one, and for Mom for treating me like a normal boy. I know I should be way more careful, but where's the fun in that?"

The other boys agree with that statement, even Parker, but Mom doesn't look convinced.

"Zeke, thank you for being there protecting me from bullies and sharing all your friends with me, making a network of boys that I consider my brothers. And last, but not least, I'm thankful that Lana is finally treating me like a brother."

Those that don't know our past, laugh. Lana, Mom, and I don't. 

Zeke needs some coaxing out of his chair by Mom, and me pushing him to stand. His face is colored a nice shade of embarrassment as he stands reluctantly.

"Well I guess if AJ can do this, I can. I'm thankful for new friends becoming family, but what I'm most thankful for is AJ coming to save my ass…" his eyes shift to Mom and the two of them share a serious stare. Zeke quickly corrects his language. "Sorry ma'am, old habits. For AJ coming to save me from that insane Bobby Ton. I thought I was a goner. You protect me as much as I protect you, little bro."

He gives me a fist bump and continues.

"And I'm extremely thankful for Uncle Jack – Dad — for taking in two little six-year-old twins that were more than a handful. You're always there for us, no matter the trouble we get into. I know our dad is gone, but I'm super thankful that you are our dad now."

Jack stands up and both twins hurry to him and embrace him tightly. As corny as it sounds, we all clap. 

Parker and his dad are next, but they both say pretty much the same thing. They are thankful for a safe trip and for meeting new friends. But Parker did add this little bit that none of us were expecting.

"I'm thankful for being in a new school where I don't have to hide who I am. When I was forced out of the closet, it caused a lot of problems in the small, redneck city we lived in. AJ tells me that he and the twins are out as gay at school, and everyone is cool with it. For once, I'm very excited and thankful for acceptance." 

Lana is next, and she stands up and picks up her glass. Tapping on it with her spoon, she gains everyone's attention and motions for them to pick up their glasses. "I'll keep this brief because the food is getting cold. I'm thankful for friends that have become like family, and for my boyfriend, Kota. But I'm most thankful to Zack."

Zack looks a little uncomfortable, not knowing where she is going with this. I grip his hand a little tighter, and he smiles at me as she continues.

"You brought my little brother out of his shell. You gave him life, and gave us all time to get to know him. He's so much younger than me, I've honestly not known how to act around him. He was quiet, and delicate, and annoying, but you showed us that he is so much more. You and your brother have changed AJ, and through AJ, you've changed us."

Lana holds up her glass and says, "Thank you." 

Then Dad leaves the table and comes back in carrying the turkey. It's a huge bird, magnificently golden, with potatoes and carrots surrounding it. The smell overtakes everyone at the table, and "oo's" and "aahhs" are heard from all sides. My mouth waters as light meat and dark meat are separated from the bird and offered to the rest of the family. After that, it's time to pass the dish in front of you as you try at least a little of everything.

Smiling and the occasional giggle at someone being funny — mostly me — are heard for the next couple of hours as we eat and enjoy each other's company. It's a great day, and after apple and pumpkin pie for everyone (extra whip cream for Dad and Hoss), we all sit down to watch Home Alone. We've watched it after we're done eating Thanksgiving dinner for as long as I can remember.

All in all, I grade it as one of the best Thanksgiving days I've ever had.

Chapter Text

AJ

It was the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse... well, not yet at least. I begin to stir, counting down the minutes till I'm sure that Zack is deep asleep. We had so much Christmas sex a few hours ago, he passed out. It was great; I got to wear an elf costume. He didn't even bother brushing his teeth, yuck! His strong-arm wraps around me, and his soft hand gently cups my genitals as if to lock me into place. The trick here is to pull his hand away from my dick without waking him.

Moving each finger from around my balls is tedious, but for this to work, I must get free from underneath his arm. Slowly, ever so slowly, I slide from under his embrace, and the covers slip from my naked form like water off a duck's back. The cold room's air shrinks up my balls now that they don't have Zack's loving protection, so only my hard-on swings like jingle bells. I quietly pull out the dresser drawer that I seldom use, the pajama drawer. It's freezing walking about the house after midnight, and I'm going to be up for a while.

I get out one of my new Christmas-themed PJs and slip them on as fast as I can. They're a red onesie covered in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's head which is turned every which way. My feet fit in, and the rubber soles almost seem to lock into place. I grab my phone and put it in my pocket, then tiptoe up to Zack's nightstand. I put on my glasses, this whole plan doesn't work unless I can see him. I take my hearing aid from its charging cradle and head to the bedroom door, hooking it around my right ear as I walk. If I turn it all the way up, I should be able to hear that fat man tiptoeing across the floor. I tell myself I'm almost ready.

As quietly as I can, I move down the stairs while I snap up the front of my PJs. After getting past mom's room, which is now referred to as mom and dad's, I peek in to make sure they didn't hear me sneaking down the stairs. It looks like I'm good; the mission is a go. Zeke and Lana keep their doors shut, so I don't have to creep past them. I stop at the top of the stairs just to take in the breathtaking view.

The room is lit by a million or so Christmas lights of all colors and shapes. Sure, the Christmas tree is magnificent with its 3000 multicolored lights twinkling in the once-dark room, but what upgrades its look is the decorations that reflect the light, sending it in all different directions. At the top is the star that shines the whitest light possible. The starlight cascades down the tree, connecting with the 475 glass ornaments that are hung with care. At the bottom is the train set that my grandfather gave my mother when Lana was born. White puffs of silky smoke are released into the air by the little black train engine, which is used to pull three distinctly different cars with three children's names on them. This year, though, two identical cars were added with Zack and Zeke's names, and now the little engine works even harder but makes it around the base of the tree with the faint sound of small wheels on train tracks.

Every window is traced with 200 little white lights so as not to outshine the splendid tree. The mantle of the fireplace is outlined in 100 of the same little white lights. Four stocking spotlights shine down on four unique stockings, highlighting the stitching of each of our names with our Christmas iconic figure. Mine is Rudolph. Mom ordered the twin's new stockings from the same New York shop she got ours from so that way they would all match.

Christmas garland outlines the outer edges of the stairs, and the runner was changed to a theme that was appropriate to the season. Getting down to the living room, I check under the tree, and he hasn't been here yet, so I haven't missed him. "Yes!" I whisper with quiet glee, and I head to the kitchen to get one of the mag-lights off its charger. Checking that it's still good, I click it on and off, sending a beam of light across the room and instantly turning night into day. When the time comes, I want a good, strong light so I can see the man in red. "Hmmm, where should I sit? Where is the best angle of the tree?" I quietly think out loud to myself. I decided to wedge it in between the entertainment center and the wall. To complete the hiding place, I use a blanket off the couch, so I look like just some randomly thrown cover.

I'm ready.

It won't be long now.

"I'll get a picture of you this year for sure, Santa," I say with a yawn.

14 Hours Earlier

"Man, I'm so excited!"

"AJ, you're so gross. Stop talking with your mouth full of Cheerios," Lana says with a little disgust. "You're spitting little pieces and milk all over the bar."

"Sorry," I apologize and wipe up my mess with the sleeve of my PJs. Zack giggles, and Zeke just rolls his eyes at me.

Lana takes my mostly empty bowl and tells me to hurry off and change clothes. "Something nice, I don't hang out with hoboes," she adds, and I smile and giggle. Sliding off my stool, I hurry to my room with Zack on my heels.

"It's so nice of Lana to take us shopping," Zack says breathlessly.

"Yeah, she's so much nicer since Missy moved back with their dad. I'm surprised, honestly, that she didn't go also," I say as I finish counting the balusters on the bedroom wall.

Zack has his pajama bottoms off by the time he walks past me, and his dick and balls are swinging back and forth as he walks. I rush past him and swat at his ass with a loud `SMACK' and he spins around, grabbing me by my waist. "You think that's funny!" he growls, and body slams me on the bed as I laugh and beg for mercy. He tickles me till he thinks I've had enough, then lays next to me. "Zeke told me that dad told him that when Lana and Missy's dad heard your mom enrolled her in that attitude correction school for troubled girls, he went ballistic. But your mom wouldn't budge and said Missy was endangering the people in this family. Until she learned not to do that, she had to stay there. So, her dad pulled her out of that school and moved her in with his family. Lana told him no; she was happy here and she barely remembers him."

"Wow, I didn't know all that," I said, tugging on my PJ bottoms, trying to get them off my legs. Zack pulls them off for me. Resting on my elbows, I spread out my legs, and he lays in between them. His finger begins to roam around my naked form, settling on my boy bits, causing me to gasp slightly. As he traces the little wrinkle on my family jewels, that's what the lunch table boys call them, and it's the nicest name I've heard from them. Everything else just seems... crude. Anyway, Zack lightly breathes on them, sending shivers up my spine, and I lean my head back, moaning. It's gentle, loving, and sexual. It feels wonderful, but not in a `fuck me now' way, and I groan as he slowly traces down my crack, then back up it, and tickles just under my balls, sending pure joy through my body.

Then, ruining my blissful moment, he flicks my hard-on really hard, then says, "Come on, you don't want Lana to change her mind, do you?"

"Owe! Did you have to flick Mr. Stiffy?" I say holding onto my genitals with both hands to protect them from further assaults. Zack laughs as he pulls out some nice clothes for me.

After pee breaks, taking medicine, listening to mom worry about me getting lost if I don't stay with Zack, making sure I have my phone, making Zack go change his shirt, and then double-checking everything I've mentioned, we leave.

After a forty-five-minute drive, we make it to the mall. It's crazy here. We've been looking for a spot to park for twenty minutes, and Lana has been cussing for ten of those. After the first ten minutes, we started playing alphabetical license plates. You start with A, obviously, and when you see an A on a plate then you call it out. Then B is the other person's turn. We are on O. O is so hard, but every parking spot is full, so lots of choices. O can look like a zero, so you need a good look. Then, as we turned a corner, a minivan pulled out, and Lana pulled in before someone else took it.

"Wow, I can't believe it's so crowded. I didn't know we had so many people here in Cut Bank," Zack says as he holds my hand.

"It's like it's back at our old home in New York," I tell him with a cute little shrug. "What should we get mom and dad?"

Lana stares at her cell phone texting someone or tiktok'ing something. It's amazing how she doesn't walk into traffic. "Don't worry little bro, I got her something from us. You and Zack can pick something for Jack, and I'll make sure you have the cash," she says, never taking her eyes off the cell screen.

We get to the front doors and are waiting for our turn to enter, and Lana instructs us, "Okay, I have someone I need to meet. You do what you want to do and meet me here at the front doors in an hour." Then she pulls out a wad of cash and hands Zack a hundred-dollar bill. "This should cover what you want to buy. Zack is in charge of you. I'm not kidding, if I hear about you running off away from Zack, I'll whip your ass and then tell mom so she can spank you when you get home."

Yikes, the look in her eyes tells me that she's not messing around. I nod and grip Zack's hand a little tighter.

"I want to hear you say it, AJ. Say you understand," Lana puts down her phone and stares coldly at me.

"I do; I understand"

Lana looks at Zack and gives him a nod. "One hour, Zack, don't be late. Don't lose AJ. You're not too old for me to whip either." Then she heads inside and turns the opposite way we are heading. It's shoulder to shoulder in here, and Zack and I make it to the Tack Store. This store is for those who live with their horses. Everything horses... you can take the most businessperson and have them shop here, they would walk out a cowboy, hehee. "Why are we here?" I ask Zack because he seems to know what he's after.

"Zeke and I thought it would be nice to get a plate for dad's saddle with all of our names on it," he says as we get to a glass case full of different-sized plates, but all the plates are blank. They are in hundreds of different shapes: fifteen circles, twenty-two squares, eight shields, three ovals, nineteen stars, etc.

I watch Zack's eyes shift from one plate to another, looking for whatever he has in mind. "Do you know what you want?" I ask him, completely lost on why dad would want a bunch of blank plates.

"Zeke and I were thinking of a four-inch halter plate with his horse's name on it and a big one for his stall door." He looks around till he sees a silver one about five inches long and tells the man at the counter. "The big one and the four-inch one need to say, `Buddy' please."

"And the two-inch by five-inch plate?" Asks the counterman.

"Best Dad, Love Zeke, Zack, and AJ. And if you can also etch a sunset above our names. And a cowboy hat next to Buddy's name, please."

The man writes it all up. Zack signs it and pays him. "Look, just enough for us to grab a soft pretzel on our way to the front door," Zack says, and we both get close to the counter to watch the man etch the silver plates.

A man that's leaning on the shop window turns and watches the man etching also, but out of the corner of my eye, I see his face, and I know I've seen him before. My attention is squarely on the man as I try to remember. He's wearing a dark blue Jean jacket, far too light for the weather here in Cut Bank. He's wearing a New York Yankees hat and a black COVID mask. He looks nervously back and forth, giving me a small glimpse of his face to feed my curiosity. Then he turns, and our eyes meet. His eyebrows flicked up in horror, as did mine when I recognized him.

"Zack, Zack," I shout and yank on his coat, watching the man mix in with the thousands of others walking around the mall.

"What?"

"That was the man from the grocery store, remember the day before Halloween?"

"Where, which one? What's he wearing?"

"He has on a dark blue light jean jacket and a New York Yankees baseball cap and a black COVID mask and..."

The shop clerk hands Zack the gift box, and Zack says his last thanks. "Come on AJ, ninety percent of the men in this mall are wearing denim jackets of some type. That was three months ago, how can you be sure it's the same guy?"

"Because it's him, okay! It's him!"

The store guy makes his way around the counter and asks, "Hey, are you kids in trouble?"

Zack addresses him, "No, my brother thinks he saw someone, that's all." He grabs my arm and leads me out in a rush. "AJ, what is wrong with you?"

We weave in and out of the crowded mall and I plead for understanding, "Zack, don't be mad, please. I'm not lying. It really was him."

"Are you lying, AJ? Sometimes I can't tell." He spins me around and kneels in front of me. Looking into my eyes, he says, "You're safe. Zeke and I are safe. The man who tried to kidnap you was arrested, and I promise you he isn't getting out. It's Christmas, and I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

I suddenly feel like everyone is looking at me. Looking around I don't see looking though, except one man. It's quick, and he's gone as soon as someone walks by him. Turning back to Zack, I apologize for my outburst. "Can we go?" I ask, unsure if we are alone or not.

Getting outside the mall, we see Lana with a small white box with a red ribbon and bow. She quickly puts it in her oversize white and yellow dotted purse when she sees us. "You two ready, is there change?" And Zack digs what's left of the hundred dollars and hands it over. She takes it without counting it and dumps it in her purse. "Come on, mom texted to say to meet them downtown at the ice festival; we'll have lunch there."

We leave the mall, and the car ride is quiet. We all seem to have something to do; Zack pouting and looking out his door window, Lana driving and talking to her boyfriend, Tyler, and me. I'm watching out the back window, looking for cars that may be following us. Once we get across town, we pull into the parking garage. Lana drives slowly, stopping here and there for families in winter jackets to walk by. After a few minutes, she finds a parking place that is a squeeze to get into, but she works the little blue car in. Lana and Zack have to skinny out, but I move freely. Joys of being small, I guess.

"Okay, AJ, same rules. You'll hold Zack's hand, and if he loses you, I'll beat him. Everyone understand?"

Zack and I nod, and I grip his hand a little tighter. We can hear the goings-on of the Ice Festival while we walk down the parking garage ramp. We stop at the bottom to my distress. Silly Christmas songs, laughter, little kids screaming on rides, and vendors hollering about candy apples, cotton candy, and hotdogs fill my soul with the excitement that's being anticipated. Then I see it... and I can't control myself.

Zack

I'm looking at my phone, waiting for Zeke to reply, when I feel AJ let go with his hand, and with a burst of speed, he breaks my hold and runs towards a huge ice sculpture. It's at the entrance of the festival, over the ticket taker. It is completely out of ice with the phrase "Welcome to the Ice Festival" carved into it. I suppose if I were nine years old, from New York, and had never seen this kind of thing before, I would have been enchanted too, but... now's not the time.

"AJ! What are you doing!?" I yelled, alarming Lana and bringing her attention to AJ running off to look at the ice sculpture.

"Hey, what did I just tell you!? What did I tell you!?

As Lana and I close the gap on my overly excited little bro, but not before a man runs up and grabs AJ by the waist and tosses him in the air, spinning him around. AJ's face goes from pure fright to laughing glee in the instance it takes to recognize our dad.

"Where do you think you're going, my little cowboy?" He asks the question not needing an answer. He catches him and hikes him over his shoulder, displaying AJ's cute little butt for everyone to see. "Now, AJ, what has your mother told you about running off on your own?"

Lana and I arrive about the same time. Mom walks up to us and greets us, asking, "Was he like this the whole time?"

"No...," I quickly answer, worried that Lana will exaggerate AJ's behavior, "mom, he is just excited, that's all. At the mall, he was good."

AJ rests on dad's shoulder, with the occasional jab from dad's finger causing him to squirm and giggle. "Well, that can't happen here. Why don't I just hold onto you for the time being?" Then dad gives AJ's butt a swat, and I can see from his expression that it hurt just enough to warn AJ not to argue with dad's compromise.

Dad takes AJ, spins him around, and sets him on his shoulders. One of AJ's hands rubs at, what I am sure, is a stinging butt cheek.

I poke at his butt cheek with a finger, and he jumps a little then turns and says, "Hey!"

"Does it sting?"

I poke it again, and he swats at my hand with a half begging half laughing, "Please stop." Zeke and Parker join us, as they were walking a lot slower than mom and dad for privacy, I would imagine. Mom and dad talk to us kids, and except for Lana, the rest of us must be in twos.

Zeke speaks up in a hurry in an embarrassed voice that cracks, "Parker can come with me!"

Zeke blushes and looks at Parker. He smiles back and agrees, "Sure, I'd like that."

I can see AJ's eyes roll perched on top of dad's shoulders, and I giggle.

"Come on, everyone that wants food follow me," dad says with a bounce in his step making AJ fidget about. We walk under the large ice archway, and AJ drags his fingers across the ice, amazed by its construction.

AJ

Outside heaters are placed around the eating area, and we all sit at a picnic table waiting for mom and Lana to come back with hot dogs, farm fries, and hot chocolate.

After cold hot dogs and fries, we got them hot they just got cold, and three cups of hot chocolate, I was ready for some ice sculptures. These are so cool, excuse the pun, hehee. Mom and Zack went one way; Lana went with her boyfriend Tyler, yuk. Zeke and Parker went to ride the rides, and dad and I went by ourselves. Well, it's more that dad is going where he wants and I'm along for the ride. Ice sculptures are awesome, I've only seen them once when I was younger. They do this every year here in Cut Bank! The first display was the Avengers running toward Thanos, very epic. The second one is of a huge monster truck with fangs and fur on it.

We look at about four sculptures, and dad takes us to an ice gazebo with ice benches. He lifts me off his shoulders with his strong arms and sets me next to him, but on the opposite bench. My eyes flip back and forth at the rides that are after the sculptures.

"AJ, can I talk to you for a minute?"

My head moves with the need to see everything, and as I slide my butt around on the ice bench, I nonchalantly say, "Sure, dad. What's up."

"I'm going to need you to pay attention, eyes on me."

That's an odd thing for him to say. Sure, mom says it all the time, but dad never says it. I sit forward and wonder if I did something wrong. "Did I do something wrong?" I meekly ask.

Dad looks surprised. "What? No, no, you're a good boy, AJ. I'm always proud of how you handle things. No, I wanted to talk to you alone about... huh, I didn't think this was going to be that hard." Dad chuckles to himself and then pulls my hat down over my eyes in a playful manner. "Listen, kiddo, your mom is pretty great..."

I lift my cowboy hat so I can see dad's blushing face, "...yeah?"

"Well, she treats my boys like her own and has even taught me a few things about parenting." He chuckles again, like a treasured memory interrupts his thinking, and then his mind switches back on track; he takes a deep breath and speaks. "I guess what I'm trying to say, AJ, is that she is important to me, and I care for her very much-,"

"-as much as you love me?"

His eyes go wide, and he gives me a funny look like he's seriously thinking about my question, "You know I love you very much, but I love your mom in a very special way. You've become a very important part of this family, and I just don't think I could move forward with it without asking you for your permission?"

"My permission. My permission for what?"

Zeke

Parker is about six inches taller than me and has hazel eyes instead of blue like mine. I'm built solidly for a thirteen-year-old, and I don't mind bragging about it, but Parker is defined. Of course, now he's all bundled up, but at home, when I see him in his t-shirt, I feel weird inside. I mean, I just need to touch him, but I don't dare. He turns and catches me adjusting my hard-on for the hundredth time this morning. I freeze and smile.

Parker giggles and smiles back. His smile seems to add to his already golden-skinned cheeks. "Did you find what you're looking for?" He asks and nods toward my pants. Pulling out my hand from inside my pants, my face changes red, and I'm so embarrassed. He lightly `bro' punches me in the shoulder and says, "You're cute when you're embarrassed."

"Really... you think so?"

He hangs his arm around my shoulder and responds, "Yup, I mean, you're cute, but when you blush like that, it makes me smile. Come on, let's get this one over here.

He thinks I'm cute. Thoughts swarm my mind, and I don't even notice that he's led me to a ride called `The World of Ice Horrors."

The ride is in a building that is meant to be broken down and moved to the next fair. Today it's a mixture of blues, whites, and blacks in a picture of an ice cave. There are eyes painted in the blackness of the cave, and a huge yeti that watches the riders from behind a large ice stalactite. Two doors are hidden in the paint display, and the two are connected by a rail that a car is hooked to. Once it's our turn the door on our left slams open and a light blue and black painted car creeps out and stops. The previous riders get out, and Parker and I jump in.

The car crawls towards the other door, and the doors on the cave open inward, and the darkness swallows us up. I can barely see five inches in front of me, and I sit in anticipation of the next jump scare when Parker takes my hand. I turn to look at him, and our eyes meet. His killer smile is there, and it steals my breath away.

"Is this okay?"

I open my mouth, and it's suddenly so dry that I barely can speak. My mind is going soft, and I manage to squeak out, "...yeah. It's nice." Yetis, mad reindeer, crazy Santas with axes, and falling icicles happen all around us. I can hear them move about on their cords or rails, but our eyes stay locked. Then Parker closes his eyes slowly and tilts his head. Wait. What is he doing?! I let go of his hand and stood up, but was immediately struck in the head by a support beam.

I collapse back in the car, and Parker rushes to check my head as the doors open, flooding us with sunlight and blinding us momentarily. Laughing and talking drown my cussing that I'm muttering.

"Are you okay? Zeke?"

"Yeah, I think so," I answer, and I flash him a little smile. "I'm not sure why I stood up. I think one of the yetis moved by the door and scared me."

"I am... I didn't mean to upset you?" He apologizes and turns away from me with flushed cheeks.

We hop out of the car, and I take his hand, turning him around. Our eyes meet, and suddenly I can't think. I can't breathe. My mouth can't form complete sentences, "...was sweet. I like... hands."

He looks confused, but also like he's trying to talk himself into something. The uncomfortable air between us suddenly becomes more than he can bear, and he leans in and kisses me. Warm, soft lips lay on mine. The kiss is simple and takes its time. Our lips become one, and there is just the faintest feeling of wanting to go farther, but I'd never ruin this moment. Our lips pull apart, he forms a smile, and I exhale slowly with my eyes still closed. "That was nice," I whisper, finding myself leaning forward toward him.

He takes my hand and says, "Let's ride the Ferris Wheel!" And he takes off, pulling me behind him.

AJ

After our talk, dad and I meet up with mom and Zack. Not being able to contain myself, I hurry over to my mother and embrace her with the best hug I can give. "Whoa, what is this all about?"

She looks to dad, who shrugs with a smile that he does know. Looking up at her, I tell her, "Nothing, I'm just really happy for you."

"Well," she says, like she is not sure what that means, "I'm happy for you also." I look to dad, and he motions me over. I run to him and leap into his arms, and he puts me back on his shoulders. It sure is nice being small sometimes, hehe.

The day went on and on, and we did the sleighing contest and the city snowball fight, and now we're at the live music and fireworks display. I'm so tired I can barely stay awake for the show, but I manage to keep my focus... and then... in my dad's arms... I fall asleep.

Zack

We're all exhausted when we enter the house at about 10:30 pm. My limbs feel so heavy because I've been on my feet since ten this morning. AJ is dead to the world, and I mean dead, that boy has been snoring since we left town. Once we get his winter jacket and snow pants off, dad carries AJ up to our bedroom. I follow them with only one thing on my mind, sleep.

We enter the room, and I turn the light switch on for dad and then quickly count the balusters on the wall. Dad looks at me from the corner of his eye, and I catch him. "What?" I say with a little grumpier attitude.

"Nothing," he whispers, "I just didn't know you were counting also."

"I was... just waiting for you to move, that's all."

"Okay, sure," dad says as he takes my boyfriend's pants off. I start to undress, and dad picks up the naked AJ and lays him on his side of the bed. I take off my pants and boxers at the same time and grab AJ's, tossing them toward the dirty hamper. Then crawl under the blankets, snuggling right up to AJ. My hardening cock seems to fit perfectly into the space between AJ's legs and under his balls. Dad watches me get comfortable and smiles when I give him an `I'm ready' nod to pull the covers over us. He leans over and kisses AJ's forehead, then mine.

He watches us for a few seconds and says, "I'm so proud of you boys. I love you all so much."

I manage to mumble, "I love you too, dad," and then drift off to sleep.

Jack

Coming down the stairs, I see Alice in the kitchen. She's still dressed in her jeans and red top that she's had on all day. "Zeke's asleep, and I put Parker in Zack's old room."

I kiss her gently on the lips, then say, "Thanks, those kids tire me out. Zack and AJ are out like a light. I was going to get a few hours of sleep before playing Santa."

"Sounds good," she responds, covering a yawn that escapes. "I'm worn out."

3:00 am

MEEP...MEEP...MEEP goes to the alarm. I would have thought the sound was in my dream if it wasn't the third time, I hit the snooze button. Alice rolls out of bed and heads to the bathroom. I turn off the alarm and get up, put my blue pajama bottoms on, and head over to the closet to get the bags of presents. When Alice comes out of the bathroom, she kisses me with a little warm peck on my cheek. She takes hold of three brand new snowboards that the boys wanted, and I wrestle the bags over my shoulder, then head downstairs. Putting the presents under the tree I keep in mind the faster I do this the faster I can go back to sleep.

We are about halfway down when Alice stops me and holds her finger to her lips. I listen and soon become aware that there is a faint snoring coming from the tv. I give her a grin and sneak over there to find, under a blanket, a sleeping AJ dressed in a tight red onesie. He has his cell phone in one hand, with the camera app open, and a mag light in the other. He looks so cute and comfortable, it's a shame to move him. I take the phone, close the app, and the flashlight and give them to Alice. Then, ever so carefully, I carry him back up the stairs to bed. Then softly, very quietly, AJ asks, "Santa, why'd you come back?"

I smile and don't want to fully wake him, so I answer, "You should be in bed."

He snuggles his head on my shoulder and whispers, "Can I have your photo?"

"Awe, AJ, shhhh," I reassure him and rub my hand on his back in small circles, just above his medicine injector. "Merry Christmas, little one."

7:45 am

Our bedroom is still, and Alice and I are cuddled up next to each other just enjoying our time alone before... then it happens; the door bursts open and three buffalo trample through the bedroom, jumping on the bed, hollering about Christmas presents and the sun is up, and the need for us to hurry up. Sigh...

I grab the first boy I can reach and pin Zeke down, tickling him and causing the other to jump on me to save their brother. Alice escapes while I sacrifice myself to the herd. Zeke gets away, and the three of them rush through the door, heading back to the living room, leaving me laying on the bed. My smile seems to always be on my face nowadays. I work at trying to keep this memory forever. The soft sheets and the warmth from where she was laying, the laughing of the boys downstairs so full of joy and promise, and the faint smell of coffee drifting up the stairs. It can't get any better than this.

AJ

We finally get mom, dad, and Lana down here in the living room to open presents. Mom and dad are in the kitchen and are on their way back to us. There is a tray of hot chocolate and sticky buns sitting on the coffee table for the rest of us. Parker and Mr. Hoss come into the house and take off their coats. Parker hurries over to sit next to Zeke, grabbing a hot chocolate on his way by. Dad gives Hoss a cup of coffee, and they all find a seat in the living room.

"Before we get started with this Christmas tradition of handing out the gifts, I would like to start with one of my own," says dad, and he heads to the tree to get a little box hidden behind it. He turns to my mom, takes an audible breath, and gets on one knee in front of her. Mom immediately covers her mouth with both hands to stop herself from crying.

"Alice," he goes on, "you moved here not long ago, and I understand that it hasn't been long, but I've never felt the way I feel about you. You're perfect for me. You're strong, sensible, and beautiful. God, you're so beautiful," everyone giggles or laughs a little along with mom. "I can't see myself without you by my side. Alice Docker, will you marry me and become Alice Colter?

"Yes"

We are all very happy and cheer while mom opens the little white box with the red ribbon tied in a bow. The ring is gorgeous and twinkles in the morning sunlight. Lana and mom stare at it and take social media pictures of it, of mom by herself, and of mom and soon-to-be real dad. For the better part of thirty minutes, we all forgot about presents and talked amongst ourselves about Zack and Zeke becoming my real brothers and how cool that is going to be. I am excited about sharing Zack's last name... AJ Colter sounds so cool.

After the congratulations wore off and the coffee cups were refilled, Lana passed out presents. Gift paper, ribbons, and bows are ripped and torn apart to reveal surprises asked for and some that were not. Dad and mom pass the camera back and forth as they open their gifts, filming everything that happens. Dad loves his nameplates and says it was the best gift ever. Lana got mom some binoculars, a book on birds and one on plants, and a framed picture for her study with a lot of birds on it, and true to her word, she put all our names on them. As for me, I got: a snowboard, PS5 games, books, clothes, underwear, and socks, a drone, and some rodeo gear; It is a great Christmas for me.

"What's this back here?" Asks Lana, and she pulls a large backpack from the very back. It's made with soft brown leather with four pouches on the front, a drink holder on the side, and two heavy-duty shoulder straps, each with nine studs placed evenly down them, adding up to eighteen studs. The tag says, `To AJ, From Santa.'

I look at mom and dad, who look at each other strangely. I get up and hurry to get it from Lana. It's big enough for all my schoolbooks. I open it up, and the inside is lined with dark brown fur. I rub my hand through it and thoughts of Maxwell flicker in the back of my memories. "Wow, the inside is furry like Maxwell!"

Zack and Zeke rush over to look at it and then dad asks, "AJ, son, bring it here let me see it."

I obey my new father and bring it to him. He looks it over as I wait impatiently for dad and mom to inspect it for some reason, and then they head to the kitchen with my backpack.

I follow them in, and they seem upset, whispering back and forth, "AJ, honey, go back in the living room, please."

"Ok-ay..," I answer with a strange wary in my voice.

"AJ, come play this board game with us," says Parker, and I rush to my spot on the carpet.

Jack

"I don't know; I didn't buy it," I tell Alice. "It looks custom though. The backpack lies on the bar, and she comes over to look at it.

"Well, if we didn't buy it and Lana didn't, then where did it come from?" She seems to be getting upset about the pack.

"Zack, Zeke, come over here," I call out to my boys. They hop up from the carpet and head into the kitchen.

"Yeah, dad," says Zeke, and Zack gives him a questionable look.

"Did either of you buy the backpack for AJ?"

They look at each other, then at the same time answer and ask, "Nope, what's wrong with it?"

I look them over and search for the tattle tail signs that they are lying or not. "Okay, thanks. Nothing is wrong with it." They say okay, and when they turn to leave, I see on their faces they both know something is wrong.

I look to Alice who looks almost in tears, and I walk over and hug her tightly. "It's a nice backpack. Someone must have accidentally put it in our stuff, and it was added to the rest. Don't get upset."

"No, there is something off about that pack. It reminds me of someone."

Then from the living room, I hear, "...He is too. Santa is real! Look I have his picture!" I let go of Alice and walk slowly to the living room to see what the fuss is about. The twins and AJ are arguing about if Santa is real or not.

Zeke sees me watching them and grabs AJ's phone, "Dad, AJ has a picture of Santa! Is it real?" He brings me the phone, and the other boys come to hear my thoughts on the subject. The picture on the phone is of a man in a red poofy jacket, pants, and black boots. His face isn't shown, but he appears to be bending over and picking up the blanket that covered AJ last night. In his left hand is the Backpack!

Glacier County

Cut Bank International Airport

The airport is pretty dead on Christmas morning, and I sit by myself reading the newspaper. I turn the page of the New York Times, and I hear on the other side of the paper, "Excuse me, excuse me, Santa."

I lower the paper slowly to see a little boy about six years old. He's no taller than my son, and his long golden curls snake from under his cowboy hat. He stands in front of me staring at me, studying me, and with a confused look on his face. "How can I help you?" I ask him with a stern look.

"Are you Santa?" He responds to my question with another question.

"No, sorry. Why do you think so? Do I look like him?"

He climbs up next to me in a cold black airport chair and asks with the most innocent eyes, "Why are you wearing Santa's clothes then?"

I chuckle to myself as I look at my red snow jacket and pants, and I have to admit, I do look like him. "Well, I guess it's a funny story. I came here to take my son home with me, and I was so excited that I didn't wear warm enough clothes. So, when I landed, it was apparent that I need something warmer, so I bought the only outfit that store over there had," I say, pointing to a Winter Outfitter store.

The little boy follows my pointing finger and sees all the red winter coats and matching red snow pants hanging on hangers. "So, you're not Santa?" He asks just making sure I'm telling the truth.

I answer with another chuckle, "No, sorry."

The little cowboy begins to swing his small legs back and forth and seems to be relentless with the number of questions, "So, where's your son? Aren't you taking him home with you?"

A sudden tear slowly builds in my eye, and I wipe it off before it falls. I smile at him and tell him, "Sometimes, you, as an adult, have to make decisions for kids that maybe they don't understand or maybe you don't really want to," my tear is replaced by many more than I can wipe away or hide. "My son, AJ, is better off here in Cut Bank."

He picks at a button on his jacket, visually uncomfortable with a grown man crying, and asks, "Then why did you come to get him?"

I smile and tell him, maybe more to tell myself, "I guess...," I look into his small green eyes and realize that maybe, "...I just needed to see it for myself."

End of Counting - Chapter 24 - Tux

I just wanted to take this "End of the Year" moment to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. This has been a crazy ride for me to write this story and put myself out there to be judged and criticized for this story. There is a lot of me in these chapters. I am in many ways, AJ, and like they say... write what you know. But the reaction to this story was amazing from you guys and I am so happy and feel so accepted. I will be ending this story in about ten more chapters. I hope you really enjoy them as we plan the wedding of the century, and some other craziness.

Chapter Text

AJ

Leaving science class, Chet and I are talking. He’s telling me that the soccer coach wants to talk to me.

"Why does he want to see me?"

"Don’t know, it has something to do with his playbook."

"Does he want me to write plays for him?"

Chet shrugs and chuckles at the thought of a nine-year-old writing a soccer strategy for the whole team. He mistakes my wondering out loud for sarcasm, saying, "Yeah, right! I’m not sure. I only know that he’s been staring at that book for weeks, and today in class he yells, ‘It has to be the Docker kid.’ I don’t know what you did, but he wants to talk to you after school."

We get to the corner, fist bump, and go our separate ways. Coming around the corner, Zack looks to be talking to someone. He is just a little taller than Zack and I can tell that his chest is filled out more. That makes him a rancher, probably like us. It looks like the older boy is nervous and seems to be rambling. Then our eyes meet, and I give him a little wave. His brown eyes are confused at first, I’m sure it looks weird seeing a nine-year-old on the second floor with books. Well, he’ll have to get used to it because next year I’m heading to ninth grade and the third floor. Suddenly his eyes go wide like he’s seen a ghost, and he rushes away, mixing in with the other students that are moving about the halls.

Zack looks frustrated and is about to go after him until I say, "Hey, Zack," and he almost jumps out of his skin.

"AJ… what are you doing here?"

I look around and then back to Zack and answer, "I’m headed to English class. What are you doing? Who was that?" I ask and lean to look around him.

"I don’t know, some Freshmen."

"What’d he want?"

"What? Who? That’s none of your business. I’ll see you on the bus," he harshly tells me and uncharacteristically hurries off.

"Okay… gesssh sorry. Hey, I’ll be late. The coach wants to see me for some reason."

"Fine, I’ll hold the bus, just hurry if you can," and just like that my boyfriend rushes off to his next classroom.

After English class, what a bore, I dump my books in my locker and head to the coach’s office in a full run. Entering the gym, the coach is talking to another student. The closer I get to him, the more he looks at me oddly, and then his face lights up, and he tells the kid, "Beat it, I’ll talk to you later," then walks up to me like I’m in serious trouble. "You’re that Docker kid?"

"AJ Docker, yes, coach. Did I do something wrong?"

"A while back, you were in my gym class, but you got hurt and went to the hospital, right?"

"Um, yeah."

"Okay, now the big question… On your last day in my class, were you messing with my soccer playbook?"

Oh wow, I had totally forgotten about that. I was looking for something to keep myself busy and saw the soccer binder. The plays in there were all off. Geometrically, the plays in the book would have been really hard to be successful or even work, so I adjusted them as much as I could before the bell rang.

"Yeah, sorry, I was only trying to help," I say softly.

Coach watches me begin to fidget with the backpack that I got for Christmas. My fingers glide up and down the chrome studs, nine on each strap, eighteen altogether. I count them over and over as I anticipate the trouble, I’m in.

"I’d like you to try out for soccer this spring. I think you really have a chance to be a great player."

"Me? You want me to play soccer?"

"Yeah, why wouldn’t I want you to play?"

The look on my face says how confused I am when I tell him, "Because I’m always picked last for teams. I don’t even know how to play soccer."

"Bah," The sound comes from the coach like it means answers to all my questions. "You can watch YouTube videos to learn how to play, the rest I can fill you in." He places his hand on my back, guiding me to the door. "I’ll email your parents, and you can talk with them about it. Now hurry, or you’ll miss your bus."

Realizing he’s right I take off in a full run. The school is almost empty, making it easy for me to navigate my way through the halls. I burst through the front doors and leap down the seven stairs leading to the sidewalk. I have to weave in and out of ten students, but I make it on the bus. The bus driver looks at me crossly, and while I struggle to catch my breath, I give him a cheeky smile apologetically.

Scanning the seats at the back of the bus, I look for an open seat. I find one, but it’s five seats away from Zack and Zeke. I normally feel uncomfortable sitting this far from them, but neither of them saved me a seat, so I’ll sit up here. I look at Zack, and he shrugs, smiles, and says sorry, the back filled up. I nod and let him know I understand and begin to count the shiny chrome studs on my backpack straps. I take off the pack and set it on my lap. My hand slips inside and combs through the fur liner. Closing my eyes, I allow myself to calm down from the day’s stress.

Zack

AJ looks like he’s about to cry. I shout over the voices of fifty or so kids on the bus, telling him he’ll be fine and to sit down. He reluctantly sits down, and I can see him begin to count the studs on the backpack. That pack is such a mystery. I sit down and join the conversation of the Lunch Table Boys.

"The dance is going to be so cool," says Chet.

"Yeah, does everyone have their dates? I’m taking Amanda," Alex says with a little flair.

Craig gives Alex a little punch on his shoulder, "You’re such a stud. Zeke, you bringing that new kid, Parker?"

Parker stops talking to Cory to listen to him. Zeke’s cheeks blush bright red when he answers Craig, "I am hoping to. Parker, would you like to go to the dance with me?"

Parker equally blushes and nods. "Awe, you two are so cute," I tease my twin, and he pushes me into Craig.

As we laugh and tease my brother and Parker, Ryder brings the laughter to a stop by asking, "Zack, you’re not bringing AJ, are you?"

Zeke looks at me like everything hinges on my answer, "I suppose so, he’s my boyfriend. Why wouldn’t I?" My friends exchange looks until I can’t take it anymore. "What? What’s wrong with bringing AJ?"

Ryder speaks low so his voice doesn’t carry, "Well, he’s nine. Do you think he’ll be comfortable in a gym full of thirteen and fourteen-year-olds? I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but he’s been acting… more his age lately instead of the cute little shy boy when we first met him. I don’t think he needs your protection anymore, and when you two are together, you don’t look happy."

Before I can bite Ryder’s head off, Lucas speaks up, "We mean, we all love AJ and he’s kind of become all our little brother. But at the dance, I want to pay attention to my date not entertain AJ. Do you really want to hold his hand all night? What if someone asks you to dance? What if… someone wants to meet you?"

Suddenly the memory of the ninth grader flashes through my mind. He didn’t tell me his name and wanted to ask me something but couldn’t get up the nerve. "Someone wants to meet me. Is he in ninth grade?" Looks are exchanged between my friends, but no one seems to want to tell me what is going on. I’m not even sure I want to know. I look at Zeke, and I can see he’s as uncomfortable as I am.

I slink into my seat, and soon the Lunch Table Boys start joking around and laughing like always. I can’t participate today, though. Three thoughts keep going through my mind: So, I’m not the only one that sees the differences in AJ. Who could that ninth grader be and is he the one that wants to meet me?

One by one, my friends exit the bus as we drive down the different back roads. When it’s our turn, Zeke has to give me a bump to bring me out of my thoughts. I jump up and grab my bag, heading off the school bus. I let AJ out of his seat to go ahead of me and help him with his backpack. Once we get off the bus, AJ hugs me and for some reason I’m embarrassed. He grabs my hand and leads me down the driveway towards the house.

Inside the house, AJ yells out, "Mom, we’re home!" and tosses his coat on the floor.

Sighing, I look to Zeke, who gives me the thought, ‘He’s your boyfriend.’ I pick up the coat and tell him out loud, "Shut up."

Zeke laughs and takes AJ’s and my coat from me, putting them away. Mom and Lana sit at the dining table with another lady I don’t think I’ve met. The table is covered with white books and folders. Oh, it’s the wedding planner, that makes sense. Mom greets us and sees AJ running up the stairs. "Andrew Allen Docker!" This brings AJ to a screeching halt. "How many times have I told you boys, to stop running up or down my stairs? Now, come down here and walk up and down the stairs fifty times, and you better do it right."

AJ’s face about dropped from his head, "Fifty times, mommm."

"Now mister! Would you rather I whip your butt in front of this nice lady?" Mom asks like she’s daring him to say another word. The defeated AJ begins to walk down the stairs back to the bottom. Then her attention switches to us, and we both subconsciously stood up a little straighter. "And you two, get changed into your rodeo stuff and hurry out so that Hoss isn’t waiting long. Please tell him AJ will be late."

Zeke and I exchange a look and walk as fast as possible without running up her stairs. Once I get in my room, I giggle for some reason when I think of AJ finally getting into trouble. That’s a weird thing to say, I know, but if you think about it, when I first met AJ, he was a mommy’s little boy, and even when he acted up, he never got in trouble.

Since the event with Bobby Ton, AJ has been almost unbearable. He has truly been acting like a nine-year-old these past months, and it’s only getting worse. My friends are right. I am torn inside because I feel like I’m babysitting him instead of being his boyfriend. We are five years apart. When I’m sixteen, he’ll be eleven. Doing anything with him, even touching him could get me in jail. I don’t know what to do anymore.

After some time passes, I hear behind me, "Man, my legs are killing me. I am never running up those stairs ever again," AJ announces his entrance into the room. I’m standing there completely naked, and I turn to look at him taking off his shirt.

"Oh, hey"

His shirt comes off his head, and his eyes lock on my dick. He rushes to me and places his hand on my chest, pushing me back. Taking a step back, I tell him as I fall backward on the beanbag, "AJ, we don’t have time for…" and his mouth engulfs my cock in one go, right down to the root. My eyes roll back into my head, and I mumble, "…this." His tongue rolls around my shaft, and as he draws out, it caresses the mushroom head. A moan slips out of clenched teeth, and a little voice is screaming in the back of my head ‘This is wrong!’ but my hands subconsciously cradle his head. Weaving in and out of his blonde hair, I direct his head bobs. His short hair is so soft that it feels like felt or a small puppy. "We really need to…" I say trying to interrupt him as my cock swells in size, and AJ recognizes that to mean that I’m close to gushing, so he increases suction. My words trail off as my muscles go weak, and I can feel the buildup of energy being pulled from everywhere in my body. My mumbles of warning and moans of pleasure are combined as my hips push deeper and deeper into that warm, soft, young, mouth.

Suddenly, I grab AJ’s head with both hands and hold it on my cock as hard as I can. He doesn’t fight me and slurps and swallows all the precum I can give him. Disappointment in myself for letting him do this is soon replaced by one of the strongest orgasms that I’ve ever had. It takes me to a place where I almost pass out. AJ’s hands clamp down on my legs and refuse to stop as my body is overcome with pleasure. Recognizing that AJ is in his "Give me all your cum," mood, I interlock my fingers behind my head and hold on as my body jerks and my pleasure soars. The second orgasm hits me, and I cry out in lust. My mind goes blank, as my cum ramps up my shaft and into AJ’s mouth. He swallows as much as he can, then pulls his mouth off my dick, his tongue wraps around my mushroom and into my pee hole just as the last three ropes of cum in my body shoot out and decorate his adorable face.

AJ crawls up next to me on the beanbag and snuggles up to my chest. I lay there trying to catch my breath as I watch him scoop up my sperm and lick it off his hand. Guilt makes me turn my head and think of an excuse real quick, "That was amazing, kiddo, but we have to hurry or Hoss will wonder where we are."

He reluctantly gets up and helps me to my feet. "Well, we’re picking up where we left off later tonight," he says as innocently as he can with my cum all over his face.

"Yeah, maybe. We’ll see," I say as I push him towards the dresser. "Get dressed," I add as I get my boxers off the floor.

After a little game of slap ass, I finally get AJ dressed, and we are the last ones to join our brothers in the horse corral.

"Zack, get on your horse and get in line with Parker and Zeke. AJ, you’re with me,"

AJ

"Now AJ, I have been talking to your dad about your unique gift. So, let’s have fun with it, okay?" Hoss says while picking up his lasso. He gives it a little shake to break it apart and loosen it up. "Grab your rope and do what I do."

Hoss’s lasso swings into a large circle to his right and it grows really large as it loops around, almost as big as Hoss. Then he ducks and hops through it, now swinging it on his left. My eyes dart from each important detail as Hoss rolls his wrist, moves his elbows, and how he holds the rope. Then Hoss jumps through the hoop once again and flashes me a smile.

"What do you think? Can you repeat it?" Asks Hoss while his rope stops its loop and collapses on the ground.

The lasso balances in my hand as I go over the memory of Hoss doing the hoop. I move my hands real slow to get the feel of the motion he used and with a flip of my wrist, my lasso came to life.

"Oh my god, you’re doing it," Hoss cheered. "Your dad told me you’ve never done this before."

"I haven’t, I’ve never seen it done either," I assure him as the hoop begins to move and I hop through it spinning it on my left now. It does a couple of rotations, and my tongue sticks out as the lasso begins to move to my right and I hop back over it.

The rope falls to my feet, and I look up at Hoss’s shocked face asking, "Was that okay, Hoss?"

He begins to look around the pasture and all the rodeo dummies and hay bales and says, "Let’s see what else you can do, little one." He waves for me to follow him and tells me to call for my horse.

"Stepper! Come on boy," I call out to my horse, and he moseys over to me. I take a sugar cube out of my pocket, and his long, dry tongue sweeps it off my hand. "Good boy, Stepper. Good boy." With a little run and jump, I get my foot in the stirrup and hike my leg over Stepper.

"Stay here," Hoss tells me as he walks towards the other end of the pasture and whistles for Parker. The two of them talk something over and Parker dashes off toward the horse barn. A movement to my right catches my attention. The twins are riding side by side on their horses, Charlie and Night Whisper. Taking off at full speed sends dirt and dust in their wake. Each twin swings a lasso over their head. Each twin is a mirror of his brother, and with every swing and bounce on the saddle, it is truly a sight to see. They are closing in on a dummy calf with its back legs up in the air. Suddenly, the two break off, and Zeke releases his lasso, targeting the metal calf’s head. Zack breaks right, and his lasso flies through the air, closing in on the calf’s legs.

A loud whistle grabs my attention, Parker is handing Hoss the spear with flags on it that we used for my birthday. He takes all the flags off but the one on top and jabs it into the ground. Hey, I know this game. Hoss points to the flag and steps back. I turn Stepper around a couple of times and then spur him forward, "Come on boy, let’s show him what we can do."

Stepper digs in, and I lower my body, preparing to ride the motion of his stride. We glide through the air as if we’re flying. His front hooves impact the ground, sending me rocking forward until he pushes off and jolts me back just in time for the back hooves to dig into the dirt. I keep spurring him to run faster, to fly like the wind, and Stepper meets the challenge.

I unhook my left foot from the stirrup and let it slide up the saddle, so I can lean off to my right. My left leg hooks the cantle, the back of the seat, and I bend my right knee, putting all my weight on the right stirrup, bringing myself low enough to grab the flag. The flag is flapping in the spring wind, and I know I have to time it just right. My left hand tightens around the reins as Stepper closes in on the spear. Time seems to slow down, and my energy ramps up in anticipation of the turn. My hand closes around the flag as my energy explodes, and I pull on the reins to turn Stepper as sharply to the right as I can. The horse plants his feet, sending dirt and dust flying, and his body skids like one of those street racers. The momentum throws me back up on the saddle, and I hook my left foot back in the stirrup as Stepper’s back legs begin to dig in. The run back is as fast as I can make him go. It’s exhilarating. There just isn't any other way to put it to you.

Once we pass the point where we started, I pull on the reins to slow down my faithful steed. "That was awesome, Stepper, good boy!" I move around the horn and lean down to hug my best friend. His chest heaves, and he’s slicked with sweat. I slowly turn him, and I can see Hoss on his way here and Parker running a few feet from me.

"That had to be the fastest I’ve ever seen anyone do that!" Parker says and pets Stepper’s face. "You’ve done this before I’m guessing?"

Hoss is within earshot, and I explain it’s my favorite game that the twins and I play. Hoss pats my horse and says, "Well, Flag-Racing seems to fit you fine. I wonder what other events you’re a shoo-in for. You have an incredible connection with Stepper, AJ. Let’s try and keep you on the horse. You can’t bull-ride or bronco ride yet. I guess that was part of the deal your dad and mom made, but I bet you would be amazing at Breakaway and Flag-Racing."

I’m smiling so hard that my face hurts. "Thank you, Hoss, do you really think I’ll be that good?"

"AJ my lad, I can’t wait to find out."

Zack

Zeke and I have been first-place winners for the past five years in anything that can be done in a team. When we’re in the moment, we can be perfectly in sync and ride the adrenaline wave as one. We’ll be fourteen when the next rodeo, so now we’re in a different age group. I’m really excited to do the cattle tie-down and team events, and this year… this year is the year that we get to try our skills at Bull-Riding and Steer Wrestling. Man, I’ve been looking forward to this year for a long time.

Parker sounds the start with an annoying air horn blast! Zeke and I burst from the starting line and ready our lassos. In my mouth, I hold the pigging string. In sync with my brother, our lassos fly over our heads as we charge the metal calf. Zeke lets his rope fly at the same time I do, his rope secures itself around the small, molded horn buds, and mine swoop up under the calf’s metal back legs. I wrap my rope around the horn to hold the calf and slide off Night Whisper, I rush to the metal dummy and take the pigging string from my mouth.

Gripping the cold metal, I push my knee into its side and flip it upside down. I collect the legs and begin to tie them up with the pigging string when Stepper and AJ speed past me demanding my attention. He’s showing off and what a show it is. Stepper slices through the air and isn’t much more than a blur as he heads for the flag tied to the spear.

Over the months, AJ can’t seem to get enough of this game. His form is perfect. It’s slick and smooth as he hooks his leg around the cantle and lowers himself over to the right side. He’s fast and accurate as his little hand grips the flag. Then, in a move that only AJ can do, Stepper turns on a dime, and his momentum throws him up onto the saddle. Just as Stepper bursts from where he stands into the fastest run possible, AJ re-hooks his left foot in its stirrup, bends down low, and rides the wave of the horse’s gallop.

It's amazing how close those two are. Stepper has taken to AJ and the two move as one, it’s almost like they move as freely as Zeke, and I do. Once they cross the spot where they started, AJ throws his arms up in pride, and Stepper prances in place, turning around and heading towards the running Parker and Hoss. Pfft… that is all he needs, more cheering to swell that head of his.

My head lazily swings to Zeke, and he laughs a little and shakes his head. "He sure does like an audience, these days. Saving me from Bobby Ton sure has changed him."

"Pfft… He didn’t do it alone, you know," I mutter under my breath.

Zeke rides by and nudges me with his foot. He says, "I know I’m not as attuned to your emotions as you are at feeling mine, so trust me, brother, your emotions betray you." He slides off Charlie and walks up to me as I adjust Night Whisper’s saddle. "You two fighting?" He asks and then asks a follow-up question, "…or is it what the boys said on the bus that’s bothering you?"

I grip the reins out of frustration and confess, "He’s driving me crazy. I’m always picking up after him or covering for him with mom. Lately, I’m more his babysitter than his lover and I hate myself for thinking I don’t…" the last words get stuck in my throat.

"Ooooh okay. Wow, that’s heavy," says Zeke. His eyes go wide, and he looks at AJ, then back to me. "Does he know?"

I shake my head quickly and stare at the saddle. "He’s too busy acting his age."

"You know that sounds stupid when you say it like that"

I pull the flank cinch up a little tighter and regrettably respond, "I know, but did you know when I’m sixteen, AJ will be eleven? He won’t be able to cum yet and I’ll be out of legal age, so if I fuck him, I can go to prison."

"That can’t be what’s bothering you? I think what is bothering you is that someone our age is interested in you, and you’re afraid of blowing it because you’re with AJ."

Hoss shouts over to us, "Are you two going to be practicing after the sunset?" Zeke and I exchange worried looks and climb back on our saddles.

"No sir," responds Zeke to Hoss and asks me in a low tone, "What are you going to do?"

I give him a worried look and then watch AJ and Parker talking. Answering him honestly, I give my shoulders a little shrug and say, "I don’t know."

Chapter Text

AJ

This morning, I spilled what little milk I left in my bowl when I got up from my stool. Then on the bus, I took off my pack, and Zack saw that my shirt was on inside out, sigh. So, I had to strip down to my bare chest in front of everyone. It was so embarrassing; the whole bus was whistling, whooping, hollering, and laughing at what I looked like. I'm sure it'll scar me for the rest of my life. Zack told me that I shouldn't be embarrassed, that I looked amazing bare-chested, and to play along, so I did a Hulk Hogan pose, but something deep inside me was screaming to cover my little nipples. More laughing ensued, but this time, I was laughing too. It did help with the embarrassment, but standing in front of fifty-three kids completely naked from the waist up on the bus is not my idea of a good morning.

I lost a three-hundred-word report for Advanced English on some dumb book that I hated. I found it later that day in my art book, don't ask. I ran back to class to hand it in, and she accepted it but dropped the grade because it was late. That's the first grade that isn't an A in that class, mom is going to be pissed. By the time I got on the bus, which almost left without me, I just collapsed in my seat and cried. Laughing and some teasing went on around me and probably about me, but after everything that went wrong with this day, I just didn't care anymore, and I cried harder.

I could feel the eyes of the Lunch Table Boys on me, but when I look, they aren't looking at me; their judgmental gazes are on Zack. He notices them too, because he removes his arm from around my shoulders and asks me to stop crying. The more I tried to stop, the worse I felt, so I just hid my face with the hood on my sweater, and he just ignored me. I've never felt so alone sitting next to the boy I love.

When I got off the bus, I didn't wait for Zack; I ran all the way down the driveway, with one stop for an inhaler break. I burst through the front door, startling my mom on the couch, and dropped my coat and bag on the floor.

Heading upstairs, I hear, "AJ, coat!"

I stop with one of my feet on the first stair step. "Mommmmmm," I whine and turn back to get my coat. There is no use arguing with her. I just want to get upstairs and cry in my bed.

"AJ, take care of your coat by yourself. I shouldn't have to tell you, and you definitely shouldn't leave it for Zack to do." She takes a drink from her coffee and continues, "Now head to your room and change into your rodeo gear. Hoss is waiting in the pasture for you." When I hear that, my shoulders slump after I hang up my coat and drag my backpack up the stairs.

Sometime later, I walk down the stairs, mumbling to myself, "...twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five." Mom is still on the couch, looking at some wedding planning books, and I can see her eyeing me out of the corner of her eye. She gives me a little smile and a nod to let me know she appreciates me walking down the stairs. I head out of the house and see Hoss and Dad talking by the horse barn. The farm truck has the horse trailer attached to it, and the back doors are open.

"Hey little cowboy," my dad calls to me. I rush over to him, and he picks me up, holding me at eye level. "I have a surprise for you today. Today we find out how much `cowboy' you have in you."

What a strange thing to say! I hug him tight, and he returns my hug. "Dad, I've had the worst day."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Well, you're really going to like this," he says and sets me down on the ground, adding, "Now, go get your tack, and I'll help you with your saddle."

The three of us talk about my shitty day and grab all my horse stuff, packing it safely away in the trailer. After that, I hook the lead onto Stepper's harness and bring him into the trailer. Then dad heads to the house to talk to mom, and Hoss and I get in the pickup and buckle up.

"I'm sorry you had a terrible day, AJ. The rodeo is this coming weekend, and a friend of mine from the Hossenger Dude Ranch in Grizzly Valley is here getting his little boy some practice with the calves. I just thought it would be nice for you to watch him and try it out yourself. What d'ya say?"

(For the background of Hossenger's Dude Ranch and the Beau and Colt, please look into Boys of Grizzly Valley/Chapter 3, titled: Go Bag and Andrew's Trust Chapters 6, 7, & 8. Thank you.)

I can feel my face light up as the dread of today's events melts away, "Yeah, Hoss, that sounds awesome! I get to practice too, right?"

"That's why we're bringing Stepper. You're going to be great, AJ."

Hoss pulls the pickup truck around the front of the house, and dad comes out the front door with Zeke and Zack. While dad gets in next to me, I turn in my seat, wrenching my neck, to watch the twins hop in the truck bed and sit down. "I didn't know Zack was coming," I say to no one in particular.

Dad answers me all the same, "Is there a problem? Are you two fighting?"

I turn around as Zack's unhappy eyes lock onto mine. In those few seconds, a world of emotions is transferred between us until he turns away. I can feel something is wrong, but I don't understand what. Lately, I just feel like something between us is slipping away, and no matter how hard I try to please him or make him happy, Zack is just sad. But this is Zack's and my problem, so I lie, "No, we're good."

Jack

As AJ heads out of the house

That's odd; AJ is out here alone. After getting Stepper and all his tack in the horse trailer, I tell Hoss, "Hey Hoss, drive around the front; I've got to let Alice know we're leaving." AJ is over the moon knowing that he gets to rope real calves. Heading into the house, Alice is breaking up another twin argument.

"Why are you treating him like this?!"

"You don't understand, how could you? You're just an insensitive asshole!"

The look on Alice's face is one of worry and confusion. "That's enough out of you two!" I shout over the argument. Both twins become quiet and look away from each other in perfect sync. I wait for seconds before temptation gets too much and their eyes slowly travel to mine. "Okay, I don't even care who started it. I better never hear you cuss in front of Alice again, you understand?"

The twin's eyes meet for the slimmest of moments and then acknowledge at the same time, "Yes, sir."

"Now get upstairs, get in horse clothes, and hurry up; Hoss and AJ are waiting."

The twins head up the stairs and into their respective rooms. Looking at Alice, I ask, "What was that all about?"

"I could hear them as they walked up the porch stairs," she says, throwing up her arms. By the time they got inside, I thought they were going to begin throwing punches, so I got between them." She says, walking back to the couch, adding, "...all I can tell you is one is upset with AJ, and the other one doesn't like how the first one is handling it. And you'll never believe who is who."

AJ

Hoss pulls the pickup into drive, and my excitement can barely contain itself. "Can I unbuckle? I can't see!" Dad undoes my seat belt and slides me onto his lap. He begins to point out the different buildings, and then, as Hoss pulls the pickup to a stop, dad starts tickling me. I giggle and squirm in his lap until he opens the door. I slip out, with Dad getting out next.

The twins hop out and look around until they see some friends of ours over by the North Grandstand. They begin to head that way, and Zeke turns and says, "Hey dad, we're going to hang out with the guys."

Dad waves to the twins, "Stay near boys, and out of trouble."

The twins hurry off, and I begin to follow, when dad grabs me from behind, lifts me over his head, and sits me on his shoulders. "Awe, dad, I want to go hang out with the twins."

"Let the boys go hang out with kids their own age; besides, you've got work to do," dad says as he shakes my legs a little.

A real skinny man hurries up to us, calling out to us, "Stall your horses, sir?"

The keys to the trailer fly over the truck, and the man catches them. Hoss says, "We'll be at the arena." Dad and Hoss head away from the truck, and I turn to watch the man get Stepper out of the trailer.

"Does he know Stepper likes a sugar cube after he's in his stall? He's not going to hang my tack too high, is he?" I'm not sure why we're trusting this guy with Stepper.

Dad gives my feet a little shake and says, "He'll be fine. It's that guy's job to take real good care of him. You'll be riding him real soon enough."

Once we get through the gate, Hoss announces, "There he is, the kid I was telling you about." I look up as a brown horse streaks by, and on his back is a kid only a little bigger than me. He hunches close to the horse, and over his head, he swirls his lasso. He's chasing a light brown calf that is frantically trying to outrace him.

Dad pats my leg and says, "See that AJ, see how he keeps his center of gravity low and close to the horse as he sets for his lasso throw. His name is Beau Knight, and you two are very similar in many ways. I think you two will be very good friends. Beau is a die-hard rodeo kid, and you can learn a lot by just watching him."

Watching him, I couldn't take my eyes off him. His golden short hair is hidden beneath his black flat cowboy hat. It's darker than blonde but not quite brown. When the sun hits it just right, it appears to have white strands flowing through it. He's cute, really cute. The look in his determined eyes is one of pure concentration and focus. Soon, dad has to pat my leg asking me if I'm okay. I manage to respond weakly that I'm okay and swallow hard when Beau's left leg swings over his horse and he slides down to the ground. His perky butt is on full display in his tight jeans as he bends over and flips the calf to tie his feet.

"Oh, wow," I let out under my breath, and I suddenly realized that... I felt warm, fuzzy, and giggly.

"Yup, pretty cool, huh? I'm hoping to have you and the twins calf-tying by the end of the season," Hoss instructs, completely missing the reason for my speechlessness.

"Beau, come over here!" Dad yells. Beau looks around and takes off his cowboy hat, wipes his forehead with his sleeve, then turns to see who is shouting at him. Replacing his hat, he quickly unties his calf and gathers his lasso while the calf spins his body around to get his feet down, then scurries off. He jumps into the stirrups, slides on his saddle, and then heads our way.

Dad lifts me off his shoulders and sets me down on the ground in front of him. "AJ, introduce yourself to Beau. Hoss and I will go get Stepper ready," dad says as he fixes my hat.

"Wait! What? What am I supposed to say?"

Dad turns around and walks backward, saying, "Start with `hi.' I'm sure you two will get along. I'll be right here in this barn; just stay there."

I watch Dad, who is giving me a supportive thumbs up, and Hoss walk away towards the stalls. I'm left alone, in the middle of the arena, and with no idea how to make friends. What should I say?

Should I run to dad?

Should I go get Zack?

If I talk to him, will he like me?

If I talk to him, will I get that funny feeling again?

Will he laugh at me?

The sound of horse hooves sliding on well-packed dirt to a stop scares me, as does the stomp of boots in the same dirt from the kid getting off his horse.

"Hi, Pop says you're a friend of Mr. Colter; I'm Beau."

I freeze. What am I supposed to do? Say 'hi' and introduce yourself. I can do this. Spinning on my heels, I face Beau, swallow hard, and say, "Hi, I'm AJ Docker; my favorite color is green; I like Lego; Pokémon cards; horses; playing the piano; and I think you're cute."

Wait! What was that last part?!

At first, his face looks confused, and then little by little, I see his face break into laughter. My face feels all hot, and I'm sure it's rosy red. I let out a couple of uncomfortable laughs and pull my cowboy hat over my face. That feeling is back, and I feel all soft inside and hot. What's wrong with me? I'm sweating like crazy. I stare into his deep steel-grey eyes, and my dick begins to stir in my briefs. If it keeps growing, I'm going to be very hard and uncomfortable in these jeans. So, I turn to walk away, sure that I just made a complete fool of myself and that the embarrassment will be more than I can bear. Beau grabs my shoulder and says, "I like Pokémon cards too."

I turn slowly and lift my hat a little so I can see his face. He's gorgeous, and he's bending down to look underneath my hat. "My boyfriend Zack doesn't like Pokémon cards, so I don't get to play much or at all."

Beau gives me a winning smile and fixes my hat. The funny feeling is so strong at this point that I can't breathe or think. He pats my back and leaves his arm around my shoulder as he motions for me to move. He asks me, "Want to see my trailer? I've been living in it for a week. Pop says it's starting to smell, but I don't even notice it anymore."

"Shouldn't we wait here?" I ask. I am not sure what to do.

"Nah, we'll be back before they get here with your horse. We'll just grab the cards and run back here."

Zack

"Hey dad, we're going to hang out with the guys," I hear my brother holler behind me. I don't turn around though, I'm hoping the guys are coming, I texted them on the way here.

"Stay near, boys, and out of trouble."

I walk away from AJ as fast as I can, and Zeke catches back up with me as I head to the meeting place I texted the guys about. "Is he coming?" I ask when he's within earshot.

"No, dad grabbed AJ and put him on his shoulders, so he won't be sneaking off to find us," Zeke says and then taps my shoulder with his hand. "Hey, you know you can talk to me."

I slightly shake my head from side to side and tell him, "I can't. It's just something I have to figure out myself. I'm not even sure if I can put it into words."

"Well, I'm here for you."

I punch his shoulder and diffuse the situation by saying, "You softy." He blushes a little and looks very uncomfortable, then punches me back.

"There you two are. You guys are so cute," Alex sarcastically says with kissy noises.

"Hey, Alex, how'd you get here so fast," my brother and I say at the same time while we rush up to him. Zeke puts Alex in a headlock, and I lightly punch him in his stomach. Alex is laughing so hard that he can barely breathe. Alex spins out of the headlock and flips his long bangs out of his eyes.

He picks up his cowboy hat from the dirt and swats the back of my head. "Fools, I've been here. My uncle and cousins from Grizzly Valley are here for the rodeo, so I'm staying with them for the weekend. Come on, I'll introduce you guys."

The three of us run through the stalls dodging horses, cowboys, and sheep. Don't ask. In the back, behind some hay bales, is a ladder that goes through the roof. Three teenagers are climbing the ladder. "Hurry, Alex, before someone sees you, man," says the oldest boy, maybe sixteen.

Then the youngest, maybe thirteen, repeats it, "...before someone sees you."

Alex pushes the younger one out of the way as the middle boy rushes up the ladder. "Shut the fuck up, Repeat," and he motions us up the ladder. Getting to the top, the older boy helps me up, and together we help Zeke and Alex up. Alex, Zeke, and I grab a seat while the brothers help the youngest up.

"The older one is Pete, then Joel, and the little one we call Repeat. Guys this is Zeke," he says, pointing at my brother, then at me, "...and this one is Zack."

"No, I'm Zeke," I say, trying to stifle the laugh I'm building.

Zeke looks at me and asks, "Wait, are you sure? I thought we agreed that I was Zeke today?"

Alex looks embarrassed and cusses, "Awe shit, they can't even tell each other apart." We all start laughing, and we introduce ourselves, letting Alex off the hook.

Pete pulls a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and offers one to us. Zeke and I exchange looks and decline the offer at the same time: "No thanks, our dad would kill us."

He passes cancer sticks to his brothers, and even Alex takes one. I watch them light up, and Repeat sighs and says, "Man, I could use a beer."

Pete flicks Repeat's ear, and he starts coughing. "Damn boy, don't choke to death!" His older brother teases him.

I'm not sure how long we are up there, but after a really good time with new friends, Alex sticks his foot in his mouth. "See," he starts, "...you can't have this type of fun with AJ hanging on your shirt tails."

"Who's AJ, your little brother?" Asks Joel.

"No," laughs Alex, "AJ's his boyfriend."

I'm so embarrassed I can barely breathe. Why am I so embarrassed?

Alex's cousins look uncomfortable, but Pete speaks up, attempting to be nice, "Why don't you go get him? He can join us." My eyes shift to Joel and Repeat, and they are holding in laughter and beginning to exchange jokes back and forth in hushed whispers.

Alex disagrees with Pete, saying, "AJ can't join us, he's nine!"

Zeke stands in between Alex and me and stares him down. The cousins look confused and disgusted as Pete confirms, "You mean... nine-years-old?"

"...nine years old?" Repeat asks with a gaping mouth.

This all has turned very uncomfortable, and I know that I'm not welcome up here anymore, so I head back to the ground. Standing down below, waiting for Zeke to get off the ladder, I hear Joel ask, "So, is the faggot fucking a nine-year-old?" He and Repeat begin laughing, and Pete gets after them to quiet down.

The last thing I hear as we walk away is Repeat saying, "...fucking a nine-year-old!"

Once we get out of the barn, Zeke keeps bugging me to talk to him, and I'm about to turn around and kick his ass when Hoss runs up to us and asks, "Is AJ with you?" We tell him no, and he asks again, "Where have you guys been? Your dad is pissed he couldn't find you."

Great Dad is pissed, AJ is missing, and I'm pretty sure I'm kicking Alex's ass the next time I see him. It's turning out to be a shitty day.

AJ

The camper is white with a red stripe down the middle. Inside, it has a small kitchen, a table, and plenty of seating, and in the back are two sets of bunk beds. There are random clothes here and there, including what I'm guessing are Beau's white briefs just under the messy bed behind him. Man, I'd love to smell those. Oh my god, why do I want to smell those? Is that weird? I'm totally being a weirdo. What is happening to me? I can't seem to keep my eyes from shifting to them.

Beau pulls the box off the top bunk, and the lid opens, dropping cards all over the floor. "Oh, shit! Help me with this, will ya?"

I rush to pick up the cards and see a card I've been wanting for a while. Beau sees my face and how I'm staring at the card and asks if I want it. I look at him, then at the card, and ask, "Really?"

"Sure, I have a couple of those, but you need a few more cards to get that one to max power. Sit down, and I'll show you." He hand-shifts through the mess of cards and tosses cards at me when he finds them. "You need this and this and, oh yeah, this to activate it. Let's play a quick hand, and I'll show you how it works."

Unsure how much longer we have, I ask, "Are you sure we have enough time?"

"Sure, we do. We'll run back and beat them, sure thing."

Soon we are sitting between the two bunk beds with Pokémon cards spread out on the floor before us. After a couple of games of Beau beating my ass in Pokémon, he asks, "So, you said you had a boyfriend?"

Did I? I blush and softly answer from behind my hands of cards, "Umm, yeah, is that okay? I could leave?"

"Sure, it's okay. Don't leave. I'm straight, and I like girls and everything, but I have no problem with the gays."

"...the gays?" I'm not sure if I liked how he put that. I never considered myself `a gay,' before. I guess that's what I am.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to offend you. I guess I'm nervous. Your green eyes are amazing. It's like they're lit up behind your glasses."

"Thanks, and I'm not insulted," I lied. "I guess I've never thought about being gay or if I am even gay. Do you think I act gay?"

Beau shrugs his shoulders as he plays a transformation card: "Do you, umm, take dick up the butt?"

"What? Umm, yeah, I guess I do," I say, hiding my blushing face behind my cards again. My eyes change focus to my hands, and they're shaking. Oh no, not now; please, not now.

I hear him think it out: "Hmmm, that might not be a fair way to judge if you're gay; I mean, I've taken it up the butt before." I lower my cards showing the shock on my face. His grey, steel-colored eyes watch me as if he is waiting for me to break out in laughter, but I don't. After a few seconds of silence, he adds, "But I'm straight; I didn't like it."

"Okay," I say, nodding my head and watching his expression.

"I've sucked dick too, but only cuz I had to."

"Had to? Were... were you raped?" I'm not sure I like this open approach to making friends, but as long as it's not me telling him about my life, I'll participate.

"No, well, yes, but that's not why. I was taking it up my ass and sucking dick for about a year before I was raped."

"What? Why? I thought straight guys didn't do that."

"For money! Dude, I made so much money letting rodeo cowboys play with me. Being on the road alone as long as they are, they pay top dollar for a willing boy, and at the time I needed the money." He looks at my cards while I sit dumbfounded. He takes a card, sets it down, and then adds enough power cards to activate one of the Pokémon transformations.

"Did you like it?" I'm not sure why I asked that; it just slipped out.

Beau takes a card from the deck, sets down two, taps one, adds a counter to it, and says, "Some of it sure; who wouldn't like their willie sucked? To be honest, even the butt stuff was nice once in a while, but that's not my fault," he says defensively. "There is a spot inside your butt that would make the most butch man squeal like a little boy, but you know that."

I'm beginning to get lightheaded, and a speechless nod is the best I can do. It must be giving him an uneasy feeling because he just stares at me crossly till I come out of it. "Oh, sorry. I just never thought about doing it--sex--for money. Yeah, I guess that spot does feel good."

His look changes, like he wants to ask me something but isn't sure how. After everything he's talked about so far, I'm unsure what could be harder to say. "So, how do you know you're gay? I mean, do you like-like some girls or like-like... just boys?"

"Well, I suppose I..." I stammer, and suddenly, without warning, the door opens, and an older, fat man with a long white beard looks in. His eyes connect with mine, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

Beau leans forward, saying, "Oh, hey, Pop."

The old fat man steps into the trailer and says, "Let me guess, your name is AJ," and I return his look with a slight nod.

Less than five minutes later, I and Beau are sitting outside the trailer in white, cheap lawn chairs. Beau has already taken a ribbing from his pop about leaving his horse tied up to the fence and not telling anyone where he went. When Dad gets here, I'm sure I'll get worse.

"AJ!" Dad yells as soon as he enters Beau's trailer's driveway. My heart just about jumps out of my chest, and I feel myself blacking out. The next thing I know, Dad is grabbing me by the arm and lifting me out of the chair. He kneels down and hugs me tightly, asking, "Young man, you had me terrified! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"Umm, I s..sup..suppose...," I struggle to speak, cradling my head in my free hand as the blackout's headache nearly knocks me out. I think I'm in trouble.

Chapter Text

AJ

I shut the back door, and I shuffled my feet on the way to the horse barn. These mudder boots are Zack's, and his feet are so much bigger than mine. Then again, everything on this stupid body is small. I hate being this small. I can’t wait till I hit puberty; I need to be bigger.

Chores are the only time I’m allowed to leave my room. I’m grounded from just about anything that uses electricity till next weekend, except for the twins’ birthday party and when I’m at the rodeo. But I paid for it, and my hand rubs my still-tender butt while my mind wanders back to last night.

Last Night

I had just suffered through a very long, quiet, uncomfortable car ride and was sent right to my room. After sitting at my computer desk and staring at a blank computer monitor, I dread the worse outcome for over an hour, then someone gently knocks on my door.

"Hey little cowboy, we need to talk," dad says, walking in.

"Sure," I respond, and I watch him come around the bed and sit down on it. "Where’s mom? I was expecting her."

"Well, you didn’t run off on her. She thought it would be best if I handled it myself. AJ, you have to stop running off without telling us."

"I know, I’m really sorry."

"I know you are, but this time, that’s not going to cover it. "I have to punish you this time."

Remembering the twins' stories about the spankings that dad has given them, I start to squirm in my chair. "What are you going to do?"

"Come here, son," he says, patting the bed. I walk slowly to the bed, my head down, and take a seat next to him. "Your mom and I talked a long time about this, and this is what we agreed upon. We are going to let you decide."

I won’t lie; I’m real confused. Mom has never let me decide how I’m going to be punished. Being overly curious, I ask, "How does this work?"

"I’m going to give you two choices: 1) You’re grounded for two weeks from pretty much everything that uses electricity, and you must stay in your room. You'll miss the rodeo and the twins' birthday party. 2) You’re grounded the same, but for one week, and you get to go to the rodeo and the party. If you choose the second option, you will also be spanked."

There it is: the dreaded spanking. My mind shifts back and forth. I don’t want to miss the rodeo, but will a spanking be worth it? Nowadays, I don’t even think Zack would want me at his party, so probably not worth it, but what about the dance? Zack still hasn’t asked me yet; he’s probably waiting until the last minute to ask me as a surprise. I can’t be grounded; I want to go. Dad sits quietly next to me, and I gauge his attitude. He’s not angry or mad, so the spanking he would give wouldn’t be overly hard or out of control.

Dad sits still and lets me think. Now that I’m watching him, studying him, and searching for his attitude, I see... he’s trembling. Evidence of past tear tracks is like canyons on the man’s face. His shoulders are slumped forward, and his hands fidget in his lap, making him somehow look smaller. This is my fault, and I feel terrible.

"Dad..." I whimper, stand up, and shuffle myself in front of him. I manage to say, just before I begin to sob, "I’m weally sowwy."

The corner of his mouth rises a little, then it fades back to disappointment like a cheap magic trick that I can never get right. "I know you are kiddo, but that doesn’t seem to be enough, does it? I don’t want to punish you. I want you to be safe. You have a bad habit of running off without permission. Look..." he says with a tremor in his voice. He reaches for me, picks me up, and sets me gently on his lap. "AJ, I love you so much, and in less than a year, I’ve lost you time and time again." His voice cracks when he says ‘lost.’ "You must be very confused about why it’s important for you to always be next to an adult or your brothers. All I can tell you is that your mother and I have a secret. We can't tell you what it is, but you must never leave our sight, understand." He wipes away his tears and hugs me tightly.

His arms wrap around my tiny body, and I completely lose it; my tears soak his shoulder. "I’m… I’m… Dad, I'm sowwy," I sob.

"I know you are, son. Have you decided?"

I pull my head from his shoulder, and he wipes the tears from my cheeks as I nod. "I d-don’t want to miss-ss the rodeo-o and the big school dance, but I d-don’t want-t-t a s-sp-spanking eiver."

Dad smiles at me and says, "I don’t want to spank you either, but you’re not listening to us, and unfortunately it’s come to this. If you want a short grounding and will be able to go to the rodeo, I’ll even let you go to the big dance; you get a spanking."

I go over his words carefully and whimper out softly, "I’ll t-take the s-sp-spanking." My legs feel all wobbly, and I feel like falling to my knees when I ask for it. My tears are flowing so much that I can’t even see. I can barely breathe or talk.

Dad waits until I get better control of myself and then says, "Pull your pants off and lay across my lap." I pull my pants off, and dad helps me with my shirt. He patiently waits for me to lay down and says, "At any time you think you can’t take it, just say so, and we’ll stop, and you can take the two-week grounding."

I stand up saying something I’m sure is inaudible, but the shaking of my head expresses my not liking option one. Dad wipes my tears once more, then gently takes my naked body and lays me over his lap. "AJ, I want you to count swats," he says as he gets ready by placing his left hand just below my neck and holding me firmly to his lap. His right-hand rests lightly on my butt and he moves in small circles. "Ready?"

SMACK! I was not ready! How can you ever be ready for your ass to reach a hundred degrees instantly when your soon-to-be dad’s frying pan hands slap your bare ass! To be honest, I'm getting used to Mom's spankings, but this... is a whole new level. For seconds, I gritted my teeth... My scream must have shaken the house, and my body shifts into self-preservation mode, but dad’s strong left arm keeps me pinned on his huge lap.

"Count AJ."

My body squirms, and I hug his legs with everything I have in me. I’m not sure how I was able to form words, but I did manage to get out, "O-On-One!"

SMACK! Amongst my screaming and crying, he waited patiently until I managed to get the word, "T-t-wo," out of my quivering lips.

SMACK! "t-t-three-e"

SMACK! "fou-o-o"

"What was that? AJ, try and calm down, son," he says as he rubs my back slowly. "You can do this; you only have one more. What number was that swat?"

"F-fo-four"

SMACK! "FIVE!" The last one was the worst. The pain is excruciating. It dominates my mind, and the only thing I can think of is how bad it hurts. I scream, and my back arches, breaking his hold, but he’s careful not to let me fall from his lap. My ass is on fire, and the word ‘sting’ doesn’t describe it. Dad’s strong hands lay me back down on his lap, and he continues to rub my back as I cry. I didn’t think the pain was going to stop. It’s a mixture of burning and stinging that keeps hurting with every twitch or quiver of my butt. I’m sure his handprints will be on my ass forever.

"Shhhh, AJ. It’s all over, son. I'm so proud of you, AJ," he says, comforting me, and when he thinks I'm calm enough to talk, he stands me up on my weak legs, which tremble under the pressure of standing. My hands go directly to my butt cheeks and test the soreness and heat coming from them. "AJ, I want you to remember this spanking next time you think about running off without asking permission. Next time I have to spank you, it will be doubled, so let’s not run off again," he says in a stern voice. Then he gave me another hug and lovingly rubbed my back as I continued to scream and sob. He was very careful not to touch my red, throbbing bottom.

Today

That memory gives me a full-body shudder, and my hand rubs at the still-present soreness in my ass. I get to the horse barn to start my chores. Part of the punishment is that I have to clean the horse manure from the stalls for the whole week, four times a day. I unlock the door and slide it about an inch, and it jams. Ugh, I hate this door. Tugging on it, I manage to get it open enough to see... Oh my God!

Zeke

Before AJ arrives at the horse barn

I get to the horse barn, and Parker is in there working on his tack. I rush to his side to greet him, and he kisses me passionately. "Hey lover," he says and rubs my crotch, causing me to swell.

"Stop, I need to feed these guys," I laugh as I back up. I turn to go get the horse feed, and Parker, without warning, pins me up against the wall and leans down to kiss me. Closing my eyes, I let the softness of his lips control me. His body leans against mine, and I can feel his cock throb as if to say, ‘Let me out!’ Then slowly and gently, his tongue slid across my lips, so I opened them just a little for him to play with. His kiss locks onto me even harder, and I’m having a hard time breathing through my nose, but this is too good to worry about things like air. Finally, his tongue meets mine, and together they swirl and taste each other in amazing bliss.

He breaks the kiss, pulling his head back just enough to say, "Sorry, I couldn’t wait any longer." I couldn’t say anything. My brain just shut down and is now rebooting. I only know that I want him to do it again. The way he just took charge of me, pinned me down, and connected us totally did something for me. "You want me to keep going, right?" he asks me with a questionable look in his eyes.

I can’t talk, so I just give him a slight nod, and he kisses me again. It’s exciting, passionate, hungry, and a little brutal. This kiss is more assertive than the last. I feel like I’m his to do with as he pleases. I’m a mouse being played with by its cat. His right hand unzipped my coat and slid up my shirt with enough force that I think it broke a button or two. Once he gets to my nipples, he grips them with vice-grip strength. When my mouth opens to moan, he kisses me deeper, and my knees almost give out on me. His left-hand tangles itself in the hair just behind my ear, and then, with a tug, my head rips from his lips, and I gasp for air. Parker’s lips move down my neck, kissing me behind my ear and just above my shoulders. Sounds of pleasure have never escaped my lips like this before, and I fight the urge to let go.

I can’t take it anymore, and I begin to undo my pants. Parker quickly bit my neck, and I exclaimed, "Owe!"

"Hands off! I’ll do it when I’m ready. Just relax and enjoy yourself," he orders me in a deep man’s voice, then he looks into my surprised eyes and asks, "Too rough?"

I shake my head ‘No’ in the hopes he will continue to take charge. And he does. He grabs my hands and slams them above my head and against the barn wall, locking on another kiss. This one isn’t gentle; it’s full of passion, lust, and greed. His other hand works feverishly to finish the job I started with my belt buckle. As soon as he can reach into my boxers, he grabs my cock and balls hard, making me gasp. He releases my hands and drags his hands down to my hips as he drops to his knees. Parker begins to lick my cock with quick little teases. When I can’t take it anymore, I grab his head by his hair, and he spanks my ass with the hardest slap. I’m talking like Uncle Jack slap. "Damn!" I shout and Parker just waits for me to stop rubbing my ass.

"I’m in control. Don’t touch my head; I’ll move you where I want, understand?" I give him a childlike nod, and he continues, "Do you want me to stop? Is this too rough for you?"

Before my mind can even be sure of what it wants, my body is saying, "No, please keep going, I’m yours. Treat me like you want."

"Good, then close your eyes, don’t move, and whatever you do, don’t cum."

He goes back to work on my cock and begins lovingly licking and sucking on my groin. I try to make as little noise as possible by wrapping my fingers around the wooden slatted wall and gripping it with all my might. He reaches up and puts his two fingers in my mouth. After some time, drool starts to drip down his hand, then he pulls them from my mouth, and as a deep-throated moan escapes my lips, he inserts his fingers into my ass with one continuous motion.

Letting my cock slip from his mouth, he reminds me, "Don’t you cum. I’ll have to punish you if you do.”

My eyes roll in the back of my head when his fingers begin to grind on my boy-button. I stand on my toes as I can feel Parker slip my jeans down one leg, then the other, making me naked from the waist down. "Don’t cum, Zeke."

I feel the pressure build in my balls, and my cock begins to swell. Parker licks my cock slowly, and it doubles in size. He wraps his tongue around the dickhead and then reminds me, "Zeke, if you cum, I will punish you," and then begins to go down on me. His mouthwork is perfect, and my grunting and moaning get louder as I tense my body trying to hold my cum back from Parker’s lustful attack, but my teenage body betrays me as I release a huge gush of cum in Parker’s mouth and down his throat. He grips my ass with his free hand and pushes my boy button with everything he has, making me almost collapse if it weren’t for my fingers gripping the wooden planks. He swallows, slurps, and forces everything I have deep inside me into his mouth.

He stands up, and I watch him undo his belt and his pants. He drops them and steps out of one pant leg, unleashing his massive semi-hard cock. It’s thicker than mine by a lot and at least six inches long. He opens his mouth, and a mouthful of my cum pours from it into his hand. My heavy breathing makes me feel faint, and my cock is rehardening from watching my boyfriend’s display.

He takes the cum and begins to massage it on his hard cock. My eyes are locked onto his hood, which is moving back and forth, and his head peeking from underneath it. Taking my ear, he pulls me from the wall and spins me around. His free hand wraps around my chest and grips my neck tightly. His warm kisses around my neck and behind my ears give me pleasure like I’ve never known before. When my knees begin to get weak, his hand pushes my back down, confirming my suspicions.

AJ

To my amazement, my eyes spy something that I thought I would enjoy watching, but this version is more shocking in a sexy way. Sounds of skin slapping against skin, moans, grunts, and hair being pulled all add to my confusion and horror. At one point I wanted to run in there and stop Parker, but I’m not sure I could. Zeke is the strongest kid I know, and when I see him like this, he looks as weak as me.

"Do you like that? Tell me it hurts! Tell me it feels good!"

"Please, please, it hurts so bad! Your cock, it’s too big… harder, harder," shouts Zeke in almost blackout lust. Then Parker reaches down and yanks Zeke’s hair, pushes down on his ribs, and finally thrusts the full length of his huge cock deep into Zeke’s ass, making him scream! The memory of daddy jabbing the full length of his giant cock in my ass flashes through my mind like a horror movie. Zeke is screaming, just like me! Parker is raping Zeke as daddy raped me!

When I can’t take any more of it, I yell, "Hey! Get off him!" I yell before I notice Zeke's orgasmic smile, before I notice Zeke's quivering legs pushing back onto Parker's cock, and before Zeke's pleas for Parker to push into him harder register.

Parker pulls out so fast that he loses his balance and falls back on the ground. His hard cock stands straight up and is at least eight inches long and as thick as my wrist, maybe thicker. Zeke’s doggie-style position collapses on the ground, and the effect of having a huge cock pulled out so fast is that Zeke has the biggest orgasm of his life, making him cum all over the floor. He looks at my right eye peaking at them through the crack in the door and weakly says, "Not again, AJ!"

"Again... this has happened before?!" shrieks Parker as his half-naked body scampers to put his shorts back on.

This feeling of watching something I shouldn’t have been watching feels all too familiar to me. Turning from the door, I can hear Zeke shouting for me to stop, but this time I’m not a little boy. This time, I’m not a stranger on the farm. And this time, one of the boys is way bigger than me, and there is no way I’m stopping; Parker will kick my ass for sure.

I bolt and do my best not to stumble while wearing Zack’s old mudder boots, but eventually, I trip up and fall to my knees. I roll over on my tender ass, making me wince as I kick off the oversized boots. Both knees are scratched up, but not that bad. Once the boots are off, the screeching of the barn door being unjammed and forced open grabs my attention. Parker and Zeke hurry out with their clothes all ruffled. I get up and fly up the stairs (four porch stairs) and through the kitchen in the fastest run possible.

I round the lower stairs (twenty-five steps), then my set of stairs (twenty-seven steps). No wait, that’s not right. There are not twenty-seven steps. I turn and look at the steps and want to just go in my room, but something tells me I have to make sure the count is not twenty-seven. I don’t hear anyone running behind me, so I hurry down the stairs and start to count them again. Okay, (twenty-three.) "Okay..." I sigh, "that’s right." Entering my bedroom, I slam my door, quickly count the balusters on my wall (forty-eight balusters), and jump into the bed, pulling the covers over my head.

Zack

Mom and I are having our reading time in the living room. Since I’m having problems with my literature class, my mom strongly suggested that I read with her for one hour each day. Then we have to talk about what we read. To her credit, my grade has come up. I turn the page on my book titled "Andrew’s Misplaced Trust" when AJ rushes into the kitchen and shuts the door. I crane my neck to look over the couch as he kicks off my mudder boots and bolts through the living room to the stairs. Mom slowly turns a page of her book, and his head jerks toward her on the couch.

She doesn’t flinch, move, or take her eyes off her book. AJ breathes a sigh of relief and then slowly begins to climb the stairs. About the time he rounds the corner, the kitchen door opens, and Zeke and Parker rush in. They kick off their boots and hurry through the living room. That’s strange; somehow they have swapped shorts. Zeke is having a hard time keeping Parker’s larger shorts on, and Zeke’s shorts on Parker leave very little to the imagination.

They round the corner in pursuit of AJ, and my eyes shift to Mom. She hasn’t moved an inch. She simply turns the page quietly. I try to get back to my book, but my curiosity gets the better of me, and I look up the stairs, wondering what’s going on up there.

"Go," Mom says, her gaze fixed on her book.

"Thanks," I reply, and I put my bookmark in my book. Setting it on the coffee table, I head upstairs.

As I climb the stairs to our room, I can hear them arguing.

"Don’t lie, Parker! I saw you, and that isn’t how it’s done! You’re doing it wrong!" AJ shouts.

"You’re just a little boy; what do you know? There are different ways to do it; we just like doing it that way," Parker shouts back.

"It’s wrong! You’re hurting him!"

As I enter the room, I see Zeke standing in between Parker and a very riled-up AJ. He looks to me for help, and in a flood of emotions and broken sentences, I get a quick rundown on what happened. I say it loud enough to interrupt David and Goliath: "You’ve got to be kidding? It happened again?"

AJ suddenly looks very embarrassed, and Parker just looks pissed. AJ sits in the bed in a huff and says, "I’m sorry, I spied on you guys fucking."

His choice of words almost makes Parker laugh. I need to get AJ out of the room if I’m going to get to the bottom of this, so I remind him, "AJ, don’t you have something to do?" He stands up and heads out of the room with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

I gently slap his ass as he passes me, and a hiss slips out of his lips as he says, "Don’t touch my butt, it still hurts."

My brother and I painfully hold in our laughter, knowing exactly what he’s going through. We stay quiet till I count over thirty steps on the stairs, figuring that he’s far enough away. "Okay, it’s just us; spill it."

AJ

Two hours later, I finally get back into the house. My chore normally takes less than thirty minutes, but Dad’s horse, Buddy, has some kind of stomach bug and was shitting all over the place. Dad and Hoss are with him now, but for like an hour I would clean the stall, and he would just poop again.

I kick off my mudder again and set them outside, they stink crazy bad. Mom is in the kitchen and comes to hug me, but once she smells me, she steps back and says, "Oh honey, you smell really bad."

I fill her in on what happened and reach for a cookie, only to get my hand slapped by my jailer. I sigh and head upstairs to my cell. Zack is standing in front of the mirror, and he’s dressed in a tuxedo. I walk over to the hamper and take off my smelly clothes, shirt, shorts, and underwear, putting them inside. I did all that without taking my eyes off my boyfriend and with the one thought of, ‘Why hasn’t he asked me to the dance yet?’

He moves around the room, and I stand there and watch him struggle with his belt, his vest, and his bow tie, waiting for my surprise dance invite. He turns and almost bumps into me, and his eyes look down at my dick and then back at my eyes. "AJ, you stink buddy, hurry downstairs and take a shower," he says, and my heart soared. Here it comes: he’s going to ask me! But he just walks past me.

"Aren’t you going to invite me to the dance?" I say, my voice cracking as I hold back my tears.

"Sorry kiddo, this dance is for the big kids," Zack responds as he heads down the stairs with me on his heels. Zeke comes out of his room dressed in a white tuxedo with a dark red vest and bow tie.

"But, I’m your boyfriend. Why can’t I go?"

I begin to come down the stairs, and mom yells up at me, "Don’t come down here naked!" Looking down, I see my willie and hurry to the bathroom to grab a towel. Wrapping it around me, I rush down the stairs.

"I’ve been waiting all week for you to ask me to the dance," I say with a whimper as my emotional wall begins to crumble.

Zack and Zeke exchange looks when Zack helps Zeke with his white jacket. "What do you want me to say, AJ? I’m sorry you’re too young for the high school dance." And with that said, they left, leaving me standing in front of the window watching Parker drive the twins down the driveway.

"But I chose the spanking so I could go..." I whisper to myself as the emotional walls crumble.

I'm not sure how much time has passed as I sit on the couch, but I've finished over twenty rubik's cubes, which are scattered across the couch and floor. Dad comes in the back door and goes into the kitchen and kisses mom. She slaps his chest and tells him he stinks and needs a shower. I hear him suggest that they both take a shower together. Yuck! He steals one more kiss and then sees me. "What’s he doing here? I thought he was going to the dance."

Mom turns her back to me, and I can tell she is whispering to him because his facial expressions are changing. That only makes me feel worse. I begin to fidget with the end of the towel I’m wrapped in, and without warning, dad picks me up right out of my towel from behind the couch. He slings me over his shoulder with my bare ass by his head. "Hey! I’m naked!"

"You are? Hmm, you should be in the shower, not sitting on the couch pouting and smelling like Buddy’s backside," dad says, joking around, and then he taps my butt. It didn’t hurt; it kind of felt good, so I giggled. "There’s my sweet little boy. There’s my little cowboy. Don’t be in a hurry to grow up and get bigger; I’m not done having fun with you yet," he says, then tickles the bottom of my feet while mom laughs and waves at me from the dining room table.

We get in the master bath, and Dad sets me down on the tiled bench opposite the side of the shower. It’s cold on my bare butt, and I can feel the small tiles under my butt cheeks. "Ooo, that’s cold," I say with a giggle as I shift my butt back and forth.

Dad laughs at me and begins to strip down, putting his clothes in the hamper. "You know, I think it’s a good time for you and me to talk."

"In the bathroom?" I ask, looking at his low-hanging penis and balls. For some reason, it feels wrong looking but I can’t pull my eyes away.

"Sure," he says as he lays a hand on my shoulder, guiding me to the huge walk-in shower. He continues as he turns on the water to warm it up: "I need you to be alone with me, and there isn’t anywhere more alone than this."

The water is cold at first, and I dance around as it rains down on my head. He lets me play in the water for a little while, and I just about forgot about being ghosted by my brother/boyfriend. Then dad picks me up, gets some shampoo from the wall dispenser, and washes my hair with his free hand. "Shut your eyes," he reminds me as I get lost in the feel of his strong fingers scrubbing my head. Leaning my head back, he dips me into the spray of the shower until I can hear the squeakiness of my hair and then sets me down on the bench in the shower, putting my eyes level with his junk. I wonder if mine will get that big. I wonder if Zack’s will get that big. Zack’s dick is almost too big for me right now as it is. I’ve noticed lately that he’s having trouble getting it in, and when he does, it hurts more than when we started almost a year ago.

Suddenly I realize that Dad is talking, and I focus on what he’s saying: "So anything at all. Ask me anything, personal or not."

"Do you think Zack still loves me?" It just came out. I couldn’t stop it, and by the look on dad’s face, he wasn’t expecting that. "I’m sorry. Forget I asked."

Dad takes the soapy rag and pulls me out of the water, kneels, and begins to wash me, starting at my shoulders. He smiles at me and answers, "Your brother loves you and will always love you. They both will. I know they are acting strange, but you have to understand that they will be fourteen next weekend, and teenagers act weird."

"It’s more than that; it’s like I did something wrong and he’s left me to guess what it is. I’ve been real good lately to him and doing extra…" I stop my sentence and blush and cover my willie with my hands when the thought of sucking Zack’s cock more often and letting him fuck me extra times a day, even though it hurts real bad, makes me hard. "Umm... stuff... to make him love me again, and he just avoids me after we’re done. He doesn’t even spoon with me at night anymore."

"Well, just give him some time to figure things out; I’m sure it will be back to normal soon. What else? Ask me something else."

I close my eyes and enjoy his strong hands washing my back, under my arms, and my tummy. When he gets to what is next, I look down at his hand that stops in that spot that isn't my tummy or dick area, and then I look into his eyes. He’s looking right into mine as if he didn’t think this through and doesn’t know if he should ask, so before he makes this more awkward by asking if he can play with my dick, I just take my hands off my hard-on, letting it spring to life, and spread my legs wider so he can wash my lower half. He’s so gentle with my dick and nuts. My dick gets even harder, and my hands begin to subconsciously play with it. "Did you know that Beau used to do sex stuff with cowboys, and they paid him lots of money?" Dad looks at me as if I’m fooling him and then turns me around. I bend over knowing this part is my favorite, although I doubt it will be as good as Zack’s. Zack sticks his finger in my butt and makes sure it’s clean inside too. "How much would a man pay me for doing sex stuff, do you think?"

Dad laughs, pushes me under the water, and points to the bench. I sit down, and he kneels, takes each of my legs, and scrubs them. "I have no idea, AJ. I’m sure Beau thought he didn’t have a choice," he answers.

"He got hurt," I say sadly, then ask, "Why would someone hurt Beau if he was doing sex stuff with them?"

"What Beau was doing was very dangerous. Men have bigger private parts than boys, and they can really hurt a boy if they aren't careful. You know this. Those men didn’t care about Beau and treated him like a sex toy; they weren't careful."

I watch his dick begin to swell as he starts to soap it up, and I find it hard to believe Beau was sucking and taking cocks in his ass that big. My jaw is sore just thinking about it, and my butthole squeezes a little tighter just thinking about how much that would hurt. Dad sees me staring at his cock and lost in thought, and I blush. He’s all soapy; he picks me back up, and I slide up and down on his chest. Together, we step back under the water. I giggle as his hand moves around my body, making sure I’m suds free and then he turns off the shower.

"AJ, I want you to feel like you can ask or tell me anything. I also don’t want you to ever do what Beau did. You shouldn’t be doing sexual stuff with men. You can be hurt."

I think about what he’s saying, and my lip quivers, and I ask softly, "Is that what is happening with Zack? Is he becoming a man, cuz it’s been hurting when he… does stuff?"

Dad studies my face with a woeful look, then smiles and says, "You know what, let’s continue this conversation outside while we shoot your rifle."

"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser

Chapter Text

AJ

9:00 pm

Being aware of my breathing isn’t as easy as one would think. Out and in, out and in, sure we all have them mastered, but when you’re told to hold the second one to steady your body from moving, it gets more complicated. I grip the barrel tightly, but not with a death grip. Out and in. Raising the barrel to my cheek, I take aim down the sights. Out and in, and hold, bring the sight on the target, and squeeze the trigger — BANG! Then my hand slides the lever down, and the ejection port opens, kicking the empty casing out over my shoulder. With a flick of my wrist, the lever is back in position and loads a new bullet—BANG! I can do all this in a matter of seconds, and I do. BANG! BANG! BANG!

The plastic milk jug jerks violently on the string we have it tied to. We watch it swing back and forth, and the water inside it pours out of its ten holes. Dad pats my back and tells me, "That was a great grouping, AJ. Good job, little cowboy," and he pulls down my cowboy hat, making me giggle, and takes my empty rifle from me from over my shoulder.

From behind us, I can hear the older boys coming back from their stupid dance that I wasn’t invited to. They are talking about me shooting my rifle.

"Wow, that was awesome! Did you see that?" Asks Zack.

"Man, little bro, that was so cool!"

I turn around and scowl at the boys, still in their tuxedos, but just barely. Not one of them has their bow tie tied or their vests buttoned; hell, Zeke isn’t even wearing his jacket. Parker says with a weak smile, "We’ll have to start calling you Deadeye."

"How was the party, boys?" Asks dad.

Parker talks the most, but Zeke says a few words. Zack just stares at me like he is so ashamed. Dad hands me my rifle after he loads it with five more rounds, and I check to make sure the safety is on. Zack walks over to me and asks softly, "You still mad?"

"Of course, I’m still angry!" I shout back. "Why couldn’t I go?"

"Now, AJ, it was a welcome to the ninth-grade party," dad interjects. I look at him, daring him to stick up for Zack.

My scowl explodes. "I’m in the ninth grade too! And what about Parker? He went, and he’s in tenth grade!" I yelled, pointing at Parker, and put him on the spot.

"Well, Parker is my boyfriend," whispers Zeke, to the surprise of Parker.

"I am?"

Zeke looks the most uncomfortable and begins to fidget. Once he finds his voice, it cracks almost immediately. "Is that okay?" he asks.

Parker smiles and takes his hand, saying, "Yeah. I’d like that."

Totally ignoring Zeke and Parker’s little love awakening, I get close to Zack’s face and whisper harshly at him, "Just say it! I know why, but I want you to say it!"

Zack looks unsure but whispers to me as if he is hoping I won’t hear him, "I just wanted to hang out with kids my age for once. Why are you so angry about that?"

Pointing to Zack, I let him have it: "...and I’m supposed to be your boyfriend. Zack, I took the spanking so when you asked me, I could go to the dance. You should have taken me!" I walk away from him and pass Zeke and Parker mushing all over each other and yell, "GAWD!" As I throw up my hands and walk toward the house.

"AJ, don’t be like that!" Dad says he's trying to defuse the situation.

Zack

"Dude? I can’t believe you said that to him, harsh," Zeke says, taking a break from mushing out with Parker to scold me.

"Shut up," I tell him, annoyed. Wow, is AJ mad! I’ve never seen him so mad. I know I have to fix this, but I’m not sure if I want to. Does he have to be with me 24/7? Can’t I hang out with my friends without having a little kid hold my hand? Soon we’ll be real brothers; should we even be boyfriends anymore? Isn’t being brothers enough? I sigh and begin my slow walk up to the house to fix this.

Turning the door handle, I begin to crack it open just a little bit. The wailing of AJ hollering and Mom saying she’s had enough of his attitude for today is enough to make me hesitate. Stepping inside, I slowly begin to take off my jacket as Mom, sitting on one of the dining room chairs with AJ, no pants and no underwear, laying across her lap with his pale, beautiful ass up in the air. Mom just finished whipping that poor boy something fierce, as if AJ had snapped her last straw. He stands up and is sobbing and wheezing pretty well. I pull the emergency inhaler out of my pocket and walk over to show Mom.

She takes it, thanks me. Both of his hands block his ruby-red bottom from further assaults, but something tells me his defenses are not enough. Mom looks pissed. His jeans and white briefs hang tightly around his ankles. She didn’t even unhook them; she just yanked them down. AJ’s face is soaked with tears and is all contorted from sobbing and fighting for air.

Mom hands him the inhaler and reprimands him, "How dare you come in here yelling and screaming like someone cut your fool head off? And when I ask what’s wrong, you say, ‘Don’t fucking worry about it!' Are you kidding me? Don’t ever talk to me like that, or to any adult, for that matter. You shouldn’t cuss at all, because if I hear it again, you’re eating soap for dinner, got it?"

AJ half-assed puffed on his inhaler, saying something inaudible that sounded like ‘I’m sorry,’ and, with a shaky hand, gives it back to me. Then mom pointed a finger at me, and for a split second, I thought my little white ass was about to get tanned. "And you listen up, young man. You and your brother had better watch the cussing around AJ. He repeats everything he hears, and I know he got this from one of you. It stops now or you’ll be eating soap while sitting next to AJ at dinner, you understand?"

My hands subconsciously goes to cover my butt, and I just nod, saying, "Yes, ma’am."

She turns to AJ, who hasn’t stopped crying or shaking, for that matter, and points to him, saying, "Now go pick up that stool you kicked and go up to your room. I think you’re supposed to be there anyway."

AJ squats down, and with one hand on his ass, he uses the other to try and pull up his jeans and underwear. They’re so tight around his legs, he only manages to get them up above his knees so he can walk without falling. He works his way over behind the bar, and now I notice that my stool is lying over by the stove. So, he was taking out his anger on my stool. How immature. Mom and I watch the sobbing boy pick it up and then slowly make the walk of shame up to his room. His little ass is so red, it looks painful to do anything, and I bet it’s a hundred degrees. Is it wrong that I want to go feel it?

"Zack," mom addresses me once AJ is out of sight.

"Yes ma’am."

She climbs up on AJ’s stool, and I consciously move over to mine on the other side of the bar. She takes a deep breath and calmly says, "Why don’t you tell me why he’s so angry?"

"Well, it’s like this," I sheepishly start. "The guys and I were talking last Friday about the ‘Welcome Dance’ today, and they were like, ‘You’re not bringing AJ, are you?’ and I was like, ‘Yeah, why wouldn’t I?’ and they were like, ‘Um, cuz he’s nine,’ and I was like, ‘So, he always does things with us,’ and they laughed and said, ‘What happens is someone likes you and wants to talk to you. You can’t talk or dance with him with AJ holding your hand,’ and I didn’t know what to do cuz the first thing that went through my mind was, Some guy my age is interested in me?"

I take a second to catch my breath and look at her face. It’s changed. She’s trying to hold in a laugh. "And then, when we were at the rodeo arena while AJ was off with Beau, Zeke and I were off hanging with Alex and his cousins. After a while, they started making fun of me cuz my boyfriend is nine. It hurt real bad. I just don’t know what to think or feel anymore." I laid my head on the bar and began to count the notches, and she reached over to play with the curls that had fallen on my face. "Oh, little Zack, I think what is bothering AJ is what is bothering you."

"I love AJ with all my heart…"

"...and you’re wondering if that is enough for you."

"Yeah, I mean, I see Zeke and Parker, and they really love each other. I’m not sure if the love I feel for AJ is… the right kind of love. I think it’s brotherly love, you know?"

Mom smiles at me and gives me a slight nod. "You’re growing up, Zack. You and Zeke will be fourteen next weekend, and you’re starting to think like adults. When we first met you, your feelings were all bottled up before you met AJ. He pulled the cork on that bottle, and you fell in love with the first person you saw. At your age, you shouldn’t be nailed down, and you shouldn’t be embarrassed by your boyfriend around your friends."

"I'm not embarrassed by AJ!" I blurt out defensively. Her look is both questioning and understanding at the same time. I slump back in my chair, knowing the lie I just told isn’t believable to anyone, not even myself. "Oh my god… I am. Aren’t I? I’m a terrible boyfriend. I’m a terrible brother." My tears tickle my cheeks as they begin to mirror my twisted feelings.

"Zack, honey, I’m so sorry," mom says, holding her arms out for me, and I take her up on her offer. I get off my stool and work my way over to her. Once my head hits her shoulder, I let it all out.

"He’s changed so much in the past few months; I don’t even recognize him anymore. He doesn’t listen. He’s constantly getting me in trouble cuz he runs off. He’s always mad at me for wanting to do stuff I like. I just don’t know what to do anymore."

"Shh, Zack, it will be okay. You’ve pulled my little boy from the darkness, and now he’s addicted to being in the spotlight. Even Lana has been spending time with him, and that is something I thought I’d never see. One thing is clear: You must tell him how you feel. The longer you wait, the worse it is going to be for you when you do tell him."

I wipe my eyes and nose on my sleeve, yuk, and step back from her. Agreeing with her, I tell her, "I know, but I don’t think I can. It’s really going to hurt him. I mean, nothing will change, just that we won’t be boyfriends." Her eyebrow goes up at that, and she gives me the ‘I don’t want to know,’ face, making me smile and chuckle. "I don’t mean that. You know what I mean."

"So, what’s his name?"

"Who?" I answer her question with a new question and try to look innocent with a shit-eating grin on my face.

"Okay, honey, keep your secrets. Just don’t forget, you must tell AJ and try and do it tomorrow at the earliest, something tells me that if you tell him tonight, he might implode."

"Yes ma’am."

The night goes as anyone would expect, with Zeke and Parker celebrating their newfound love. Does it make me a bad person to see Zeke happy while I’m miserable and confused and hate them for it? Anyway, the rest of us sat and watched TV, and then it was time to go to bed. Mom and dad turn off the TV, and Zeke leads Parker to the back door, holding hands. Suddenly I get an odd feeling in my chest like I'm nervous, warm, excited, and unsure of myself. It’s coming from Zeke, and I know what it is: it’s love, but I don’t recognize that feeling. I thought I loved AJ; what is wrong with me?

I get into the room and, after a quick count of the balusters—don't ask—I strip down naked, and sigh when I see AJ’s little jeans with his tiny briefs still tangled up in them on the floor by the bed. So, I pick them up and toss them in the dirty hamper with mine. AJ lays on his side of the bed and has not moved since I got into the room. The sheet lays gently over him, with his bottom and back visible to me. The rosy evidence of the spanking is still showing slightly on his perfect cheeks. Man, two spankings in two days—he’s having a rough week. I pull the covers back and gently slide onto the bed, getting into position to plug myself in next to my soon-to-be brother. Hesitating, I place my hand on his back; it’s cold. I glide it down till it cups his bottom. The heat of the spanking is still there, and I suddenly feel worse. This is my fault.

My hand slides back up to AJ’s back, and I kiss his neck. After the kiss, he pulls away. Not far, just enough to let me know he doesn’t want me touching him. "AJ, I’m so sorry," I whisper and roll over to my side as far as I can go and close my eyes. I whisper a little prayer to anyone who listens for dreams of hope instead of nightmares about how I’m feeling.

7:00 AM

Hearing mom moving around downstairs, I review my choices. I can stay here in bed, freezing my ass off, because AJ took all the covers, and I do mean all of them. He looks like a caterpillar wrapped in a cocoon. I was left with enough of the sheet to cover my knees, and I’m sure that was an accident. When he woke up in the middle of the night, he thought I was asleep, and so he gathered all the blankets on his side, leaving me naked and freezing. I didn’t fight him or let him know I had been up all night feeling like I was the lowest life form on the planet. I figured I deserved this, so I just lay there and shivered. Well, now it’s seven in the morning, and I’m getting up. It’s better than sitting here and freezing my ass off.

I roll my legs off the bed and sit there. I feel terrible. I hate when I don’t get any sleep. I am halfway down the stairs when I realize I’m still naked. I head back into the room and over to the pajama bottoms I keep on the dresser for my mornings. I slip them on, and the feeling inside makes me feel warm already. I grab one of my oversized hooded sweaters and head downstairs, dragging it behind me.

Stopping by the bathroom, I pee and clean up a little—my face, armpits, balls, and butthole. Then I head down to the kitchen, slipping my sweater over my head. I wrestle with getting my head out of the sleeve, but I get it on by the time I get to the bottom. Mom is sitting at the bar, and by my stool is a steaming cup of coffee. I walk over and take a seat. "Is this coffee for dad?"

"Nope, you look like you could use it, but just one," mom says, holding up her finger to emphasize my limit.

"I've never been allowed to drink coffee before."

"Here," she says, getting up from her stool to go to the refrigerator. Mom gets out some flavored creamer and pours some into my cup. She hands me her spoon and sets the creamer on the bar with us. The milky creamer swirls and is almost hypnotic with the smell of white chocolate tickling my nose.

"This smells great," and I take a little sip, "Oowe, it’s still a little hot, but really good. Thanks."

"My lord, son, did you get any sleep?" She asks and plays with my hair a little.

"Not really; AJ was still mad at me, so I wasn’t allowed covers. It doesn’t matter; I couldn’t sleep anyway. I just feel so bad."

"Why, for growing up. For realizing that the feelings you have for AJ aren’t what you thought they were? Honey, you’re talking to the ‘Queen of falling in love too fast.’" We laugh a little, and it feels good to be able to talk my feelings out like this. Maybe I’m not a total piece of shit. "I’ve been married twice already," she continues, "and soon to be three. I wish I could tell you that you get better at knowing what kind of love you have for a person, but you don’t. Unfortunately, at your age, it’s fleeting, and each time you learn a little more about what your heart needs, so will AJ. But Zack, you must tell him how you feel. No more sex until you do."

"What?! Why?!" I protested before it registered that my soon-to-be mom had just grounded me from having sex with my soon-to-be little brother. That is all kinds of messed up. I sit down in a huff, irritated that I already know the answer to my protest and why it has to be that way. "Fine, no more s…se…" I can feel my cheeks blushing as the word gets lodged in my throat.

"Sex," mom says with a finality in her voice. "Until you tell him how you feel, having sex with him will just feel... wrong. And if you two want to continue to have sex, you have to make his nine-year-old mind understand it’s just for lust, not love."

I drink a little coffee and lay my head on the bar, feeling the heat from the mug on my face. "Can you stop saying the word ‘Sex’ please?" Mom smiles and heads into the kitchen, kissing me on the forehead as she passes. She asks me if I have anything I want to eat for breakfast, and I tell her eggs and bacon sound good. I plan on staying here and mulling over what she said, trying to decide what I’m going to do when she places a big glass bowl in front of me and the carton of eggs.

I look up at her with a look of confusion on my face, and she suggests, "Why don’t you help me make breakfast this morning?"

AJ

Mom and Zack let me sleep in, and when I woke up, I found a plate of cold eggs and bacon sitting on the nightstand. Zack must have picked the breakfast. He always makes eggs and bacon. My nose curls, spite, and pride take over. I don’t need his breakfast. I just won’t eat.

I take my naked body to the second floor to pee, and the noise of the TV is coming from the living room. I kneel next to the handrail and peek to see what’s going on. The floor is cold and feels good on my sore butt. My legs spread out far enough so my butthole sits on the cool wood. My attention is diverted by trying to get my balls to lay completely on the floor, and that leads to me playing with my dick when Lana’s door opens, but Lana isn’t the one that comes out...

"So, do you just like want to meet me at the mall or... Lana, your little brother is out here with a hard-on," announces her friend, laughing.

"Really, take his picture," Lana teases back as she rushes to the door.

I jump up and rush to the bathroom door, but in my hurry, I miss the knob slamming into it. Stumbling back, I reach for my sore head. Her stupid friend says, "Wow! He’s really hung for his age! What is he, over four-inches?"

"Yeah, he’s going to break some boy's hearts as he gets older," Lana says, giving me a wink. I cover my dick with my hands, as much as I can, as Lana walks up next to me and opens the bathroom door for me. I’m so embarrassed I can barely breathe. I walk sideways into the bathroom, so they can’t see my butt, and right before I close the door, I hear from Lana’s friend, "Look at this picture, he’s so cute, and I just can’t get over how hung he is!"

"Moooommmm!" I shout from the bathroom, "Lana’s friend has naked pictures of me!"

From the safety of behind the door, I hear mom come out of her office, I’m guessing, saying, "Girls, erase those pictures please," making me smile.

"Yes, Mrs. D. Too bad, your son is really cute."

"Thanks, Steph, I guess," says mom with a little laugh, then adds, "Boys will be boys."

Once I calm down and the hallway becomes still, I have a proper pee and decide to take a shower without anyone telling me to. The water feels good, and I wrench my back and neck trying to see if my ass has returned to its normal color after the spanking from yesterday. Mom is kind of wild when she spanks me. There is no telling how many times and how hard. To make things worse, she has terrible aim, and my legs take a lot of the swats, making it not so bad as spankings go. Now, Dad’s spanking has been hurting for days, and every single one of his swats were in the same spot, making it hurt so much. I poked my ass in different spots and only winced once.

I begin lathering up my dark green luffa and coat my midsection with soap suds. Then I stand with my back to the shower and watch my little dink stand to attention, and a smirk cracks my face. Gliding my fist over my steel rod, I close my eyes till I’m half-lidded. The wave of pleasure fills my body as if I had drunk hot cocoa on a cold Montana morning. My finger slides down my butt crack and circles my rosebud. Sighing from the slight pleasure, I can feel my hole twitch as if it wants to suck my finger in. It slips in and out, but after having Zack in me for so long, my finger just doesn’t do it for me. Looking around for ideas, I’m about to give up when I see Zack’s toothbrush, which makes me smile.

With the shower water raining down on me, I lube the toothbrush up with conditioner and slide it past my first ring easily, then the second one. I push it in until at least three-quarters of it is in my rosebud. My eyes roll back in my head, and I exhale in blissful pleasure. I move it around until I feel that little boy button and begin moving in and out, hitting that spot. I kneel and lay my face on the tiled floor with my ass up. Moans start slipping out as I begin to jack off my hard cock. Breathing through my mouth, I lick my teeth as my favorite memories of Zack flash through my mind. Moans escape in between my grunts.

Knock, knock, knock... "Hey little bro, I’m coming in to do your meds," says Zack.

"No! Don’t come in!" I yell and yank the toothbrush out of my butthole with an inhaled hissing sound from it, which smarts a little. Note to self: take toothbrush off my list as a substitute dick. It’s too thin and too hard. I trip over myself as I try to put the brush back on its hanger before he comes in and almost headbutt the toilet. Recovering, I sit up on my knees and look at the toothbrush. It begins to blur out and suddenly I can’t feel it in my hand and then, my world goes... black.

Knock, knock, knock... "Hey little bro, are you okay? Did you just fall? AJ! Answer me!" Knock, knock, knock...

I push myself up on my knees and hold my hands out in front of me. The shaking in my hands, the killer headache, and the blackout, it can’t be. It’s impossible; I’m supposed to be cured.

"That’s it, I’m getting mom!"

"No, no, I’m sorry! Hold on!" I beg and hurry to put his butthole toothbrush on his hanger and unlock the door.

Zack comes in and acts like the floor is covered with lava. "Jesus, AJ, what were you doing in here?" and he rushes to turn off the shower.

"I was taking a shower all by myself before you came banging on the door, scaring me half to death!"

He takes the big fluffy towel and drapes it over my head, gets the rest of them in the linen closet, and uses them to soak up the floor and stop the water flow from the open shower. "Did you think maybe you should have closed the shower door?" Clarity is very quickly replaced by guilt, and then anger for him not inviting me replaces the guilt, and now I’m back to where I was before my relaxing shower when he messed up.

"What do you want anyway?"

Zack has a shocked look on his face as he cleans up my water mess on the floor. "Hey, watch your tone. I did your morning chores and let you sleep in. I made you breakfast, and I’m here to make sure you don’t forget your meds."

I finish drying off my body and hang the towel up, displaying my four-inch hard-on that he can’t have till he makes up for not inviting me. "See anything you like...too bad!"

"All I want is this," he rolls his eyes and spins me around in front of the toilet, joking, "but the hole is a little puffy," and his pinky slips right in as he continues, "-and it looks like it's been spanked to death." I hear the zipper open on the black medical bag and him rutting around in it.

I turn to yell at him, "Hey! You can’t do that! You’re grounded from touching my butthole." and he pulls his pinky out to force me to bend over once again. Every morning is the same: I have to bend over the toilet and stare at this stupid wicker bowl with potpourri in it. "You can’t have it! This free cow is milkless until you stop being mean to me." Turning around again, I see him filling the syringe, but before he’s done, he turns me back around again.

"That’s fucked up; where did you even hear that?" He asks while flipping the air bubbles out.

I can feel the pressure on my back when he pushes it into the injector. I patiently wait, and when I feel the pressure release, I stand up, and Zack flicks my ear. "Owe! I’ll tell mom!" I yell.

"Shut up, and bend over," he says as he fills the syringe again about a quarter of the way up. "Since I let you sleep till 10:30 am, you need a little more to fill it. The light is still yellow.” Hmm, strange, but okay—whatever. It’s not like I can see the light turn green, so I bend over, and as he injects the last bit, I give my butt a little wiggle to remind him he’s not getting this anymore.

Zack

My…cock…is …about…to…bust…nut…all…over…my…clean…underwear. AJ looks so good naked. And with him bent over, I can see his little pink star wink at me. ‘Zack concentrate’ I tell myself, and put the last little bit in his injector as he is wiggling that perfect ass and his little cute balls underneath... No, stop thinking about it! "Go on, go back to your room, you horndog." I joke with him, trying to lighten the mood.

He rushes out, but not before sticking his tongue at me. So, now I need to jack-off. After ‘doing the deed’ and finishing cleaning up after my little brother, I walk into the hall adjusting my rehardening cock, thinking about telling mom about the injector acting funny, and she is leaning on her door frame with a huge smile on her face.

"You, um, didn’t tell him, did you?" She asks startling me. Guilt and a little embarrassment hang on my face, and she already knows the answer to her question. The cum that you can never get out of your dick until you stand up, it’s flowing down my balls and soaking my underwear. She comes over to me and helps me with all the wet towels I’m carrying. She takes them all but one that I hold on to so I can cover my growing dick and the mess it’s making. Mom sees where I’m holding it and then realizes why I’m blushing. She chuckles and adds, "You’re a good brother, Zack. He’s lucky to have you looking out for him."

Am I, though? Wait, wasn’t there something I needed to tell her?

Two and a Half Hours Later

As I climb the stairs to the bedroom, I balance AJ’s lunch tray. Mom said if it was too uncomfortable for me, she would do it, but I told her I’d like to try and sit and talk to him; besides, I have a bone to pick with him. Entering the room, my eyes quickly flash over to the balusters, and I begin to count them before I can stop it. ‘I don’t need to count those; I know there are forty-eight.’

"Hey little bro, I brought your lunch," I announced my entrance before I could see him, and what I saw impressed me. Every time I think I’ve seen it all with this kid, he proves me wrong.

I sit on the bed and watch as AJ, wearing only a red t-shirt, works feverishly on what I can only describe as a four-foot-long by a two-foot-deep replica of this house made from Legos. I mean, sure, it was only the first floor, but it wasn’t there when I checked on him this morning at ten. He is just now starting on the second floor, and I’m guessing when he’s done, it’ll be as tall as him.

"Wow, AJ, this is cool. I can’t believe how perfect it looks."

"Yeah, when it’s done, even the inside will look just like our house." He gets up and kicks some legos at my feet as he walks over to me, his hard little cock just swinging back and forth. He clearly plans on ‘Winnie the Poo’ing,’ it till we leave this evening for the grand opening ceremony at the rodeo. "Oh, here, mom made you a sandwich," I tell him, and then pull my toothbrush out of my jeans' back pocket and lay it on the sandwich.

His face contorts in discuss, and he flicks it off with his finger, then quickly wipes it on his shirt. "Yuk! Don’t put that on there!" Then he takes the top piece of bread it was sitting on and tosses it in the trashcan next to the nightstand.

I give him a stern look and ask, "Why? What's wrong with it?"

He folds the rest of his sandwich and takes a bite, thinking carefully about his next words. With a mouth full of food, he asks, "Did you use it?"

I let my stern look change into a smile when I answered, "No, I didn’t use it," causing him to start giggling. "Do you think that I wouldn’t recognize the smell of your butt after almost a year of licking it?"

He walks back to the Lego house and sits cross-legged, laughing his fool head off. "I wish you would have used it; that’d be funny," he mused. I even chuckled a little at how innocent his plot to get revenge has been, first with the covers and now with the butt toothbrush.

"Hey, can we talk?" I ask, sitting down on the floor so I can be at his level. "First: I really need you to put some underwear on."

"Oh, come on, at least admit you really want to suck me off or fuck me." He says wiggling that smooth, perfectly cut, and slightly shiny bell end that is just a little darker than the shaft. Shit… I think I’m drooling. I take his apple from the tray and bite into it. It helps a little bit, but I still turn my head and point to the dresser, adding, "Go!"

He reluctantly goes and puts on some boxers and then returns with a small smirk on his face, knowing he’s getting to me. He sits down, and just the bell pokes out of his boxer's pee-slit. "Are you ready to say sorry yet?"

"Oh my god, AJ, I didn’t do anything wrong!" The worried look on his face makes me calm down, if only a little. "Look, okay, this is going to be hard to tell you. Hell, it might be impossible for you to understand. I don’t even understand."

Slowly his tears begin to trickle down from his eyes, dreading the worse, and it chokes me up. "I’m going through something called puberty, and it’s changing my body,"

He interrupts me with sniffles and wipes some of the tears on his red sleeve. "Like the hair under your arms and around your dick?"

I just nodded and continued as I felt a tear fall from my eye. "That’s right, but my cock is getting bigger too. I know you’re having trouble with it when we fuck. The last time it hurt you for a couple of days, didn’t it?"

He nods, then quickly adds, "-but I don’t mind. I like your dick. It’s not like I’m bleeding or anything."

"I know, buddy; I’ve been keeping an eye on your hole after we do it. But that isn’t my only concern... " Oh my god, this is hard. "See, there are different types of love, and when we met, my love for you wasn’t like a boyfriend, it was more like lust. I mean, well, you’re hot as hell. You understand, don’t you? It’s what you’re feeling now. You just can’t get enough of our sexual play... and there isn’t anything wrong with that, but now that I’m older... I want more, understand?"

His wheels are turning a mile a minute, and he tries to make sense of what I tried to say. His head nod makes me sigh that he understands. That will make it easier on me, which made what he says next almost kill me: "So, you don’t love me anymore." He spins around so his back is to me and begins to cry so hard that it just breaks my heart. "You can fuck me all you want; I can take it. Don’t replace me."

I wrap him in my strong arms and try to explain again, "Of course I love you. There is no replacing my little brother, and no matter what, if you need me, I’ll be there. I love you no matter what you do or what happens. But the love I have for you is stronger than it ever was. We’re family now." I pull his small, trembling frame into my lap and rock him gently. You’ve had a tough week, and I’m sorry to add to it like this, but this is good news for you too."

His tearful eyes look up at me and ask, "How?"

"This means you can do stuff with your friends too. You’re too young, AJ, to be tied down to one boyfriend. You should be playing with all the gay boys, I can think of one that will jump at the chance to have that massive dick of yours in his ass."

His eyes move around as he sifts through that photographic memory of his and asks, "Ash?"

I nod, and he gives me a blushing smile and says, "And all the other boys that might want to ‘try’ stuff."

"But all my friends are your friends?"

"It’s true, being in a higher grade than the kids your age like you are, it will be harder, but you will find a way, I’m sure."

"But... we can still play, right? I mean, you and Zeke still play, right?"

"Well, we’ll have to rethink how, so that I’m not hurting you, but yeah, sure, I’d like that. Just not as boyfriends, understand?" And his teary head nods.

Chapter Text

AJ

Opening night at the rodeo is amazing, and if it wasn't for the nap I took curled up in Zack's lap, I never could have stayed awake for the whole thing. To be honest, I built that Lego replica of our house so I could completely destroy it when Zack and I talked. I'm not an idiot, I knew something was wrong with us. He's been acting funny for a month. I tried to make him happy but quickly noticed that it wasn't me, it was him. Of course, knowing this and being prepared for the breakup are two different things. When he said he didn't want to be my boyfriend, my heart broke, and I didn't think I could face him. Then he held me till I cried myself to sleep. We talked some more after I woke up as he dressed me for tonight.

We talked about me being very special to him, and he really does think this is the best thing for us both, blah, blah, blah... Zack sounds more and more like an adult every day. I zoned out somewhere during his rant and, for some reason, I thought of Beau. His brownish hair, which the California sun has bleached into an almost tri-color look, and his steely eyes almost seem to smile along with his perfect lips. Those soft, perfect lips--I wonder what it would be like to kiss him. Sure, I've kissed Zack plenty of times, but, Beau, I bet he's a great kisser.

"Hey little cowboy," Dad says, bringing me out of my thought tangent. "You ready for this?"

Dad's question reminds me that I'm sitting on Stepper and am about to ride out in front of everyone to make a fool out of myself. "I think so," I answer back unsure, trying to get my thoughts of Beau out of my mind so I could concentrate. "It's just that there are a lot of people out there."

Dad smiles reassuringly and pats my leg. "You're going to be great; just remember, Stepper is with you, and he'll listen to you. You have to be brave for him to get through this too. He's just a little kid like you; together you two will get through this."

I gave a brave nod, not totally believing it myself, but for Stepper, I'll put on a good show. I lean down and pet Stepper's neck and say in a shaky voice, "Good boy Stepper, we've got this."

There are thirty kids lined up in a row, on horseback, waiting for their names to be called. Their one parent that is allowed to be with them for support hangs on to their every word. Some of the horses are nervous, prancing around and breaking the line, but they are calmed down and brought back.

"Okay you're coming up soon," Dad says. "Remember, just like we practiced."

I had just enough time to nod, and I heard the announcer man over the PA shout, "A newcomer to our rodeo... nine-year-old, AJ Colter!"

Dad looks shocked and acts like he wants to say something, but I flash him a blushing smile and say, "I like the sound of it. I hope it's okay." Then, I give Stepper a, yip yip, and he jets off into the arena. It's dark in the staging area, and outside, it's almost eight o'clock. At first, the sudden change in the lights almost blinds me. The whole arena is lit up with enormous stadium lights, and the crowd is almost deafening. I ride Stepper around the arena and focus on my movements, ignoring the crowd. Once I make my way to the full circle, I go to the center while the announcer shouts, "...AJ and his horse Stepper are representing the Docker Estate. He plays the piano, is a straight `A' student, and loves to play chess."

I get Stepper to the center and spin him around three times in the tightest circle I can, then back the other way three times. The cheers get louder, and I pull back in the reins, giving Stepper the command to stand on his hind legs, and then I take off my hat, holding it up high. Even the announcer was impressed, saying, "...wow this little cowboy is ready to go!" Then Stepper lands, and with a `yip yip', he takes off once again towards the staging area.

Dad is waiting for me, and Stepper runs right to him. I slide off the saddle, and dad catches me and wraps me in a hug. "See, I told you, you could do it." He pats my bottom and says, "I'm so proud of you; you two were great!"

"Thanks, dad," I tell him and hand him Stepper's reins. Beau is soon to be called, but he breaks the line to come to tell me he thought I looked great out there. He leans off his horse and gives me a fist bump. He says something else, and dad replies, but I can't concentrate. It's kind of hard to breathe, and my heart rate is going crazy. Beau's name is called, bringing me out of my funk. I stammer, "...luck, have luck; I mean good luck. Good luck, Beau." He gives me a wink and rides off.

Dad shakes me and asks, "What was that?"

I slide down his leg and take his hand. "What was what?" I blushingly answer his question with one of my own as I pull my cowboy hat over my face.

"When are you ever tongue-tied?"

"I'm not," I say, horrified that others can see I'm attracted to Beau.

Dad swings my hand wildly and sings, "I think you're smitten with Beau." I'm so embarrassed, but thoughts of being with Beau flicker at the edge of my mind.

We put Stepper in his stall, and I hop up on my crate so I can brush him. Dad is messing with my saddle when I ask, "Do you think it's okay?"

"Okay for what?" He asks back, not really paying attention to me.

"That I'm, um, mitten with Beau?"

He stops and looks at me like I just asked him the meaning of life. I'm starting to get a little worried when he smiles and says, "Smitten," he corrects me. "It means that you're strongly attracted to him." He chuckles at my confusion and says, "You think he's cute and I think it's great, but what about Zack?"

Suddenly I felt bad again. "He dumped me," I whisper as I tap Stepper's brush on his belly. "He said he's still my brother, but we can't be boyfriends anymore."

Dad's eyebrows go up, and he says, "Oh, I thought the truck ride over here was quiet. Well, I think you and Beau should get together; maybe see if you can spend the night."

"Really? That'd be great!" And I rush to hug him, almost knocking him over in the process.

"Okay, okay, we have to ask Mr. Hossenger, but you're not grounded here at the rodeo, so there is no reason why not."

"Thanks, dad, I can't wait to ask him."

"They should be back very soon, and we can ask Mr. Hossenger," Dad continues, "Now finish Stepper's brush'in; he deserves it." He aims me back at the crate and pats my little butt.

Five, ten, fifteen minutes pass, but to me, it feels like hours. Sitting on my wooden crate and fidgeting with the end of my lasso, I watch dad help the twins with their horses and tack. The twins should have been introduced well after Beau, being that it's done by age, I wonder where he is.

Zack

"What's wrong with him?" I ask my dad, motioning towards AJ.

"You mean besides that you dumped him?" Zeke whispers, offering his two cents, but it comes off more like the opinion of an idiot.

"Shut up," I tell him, "No one asked you."

"Come on, boys, not here. You two need to finish your horses," Dad says, interrupting our argument. He lowers his voice and centers his gaze on me. "...since you're not boyfriends, no more sex or sexual stuff with AJ. You're hurting him. I know you don't mean to, but you are. I took a shower with him last night and saw it for myself after he admitted it to me."

"Shit, I knew he was lying about it hurting! I swear, Dad, more than half the time he does it even though I say no."

"Well, he thinks that's why you're breaking up with him. He thinks he can make up for it and win you back, so he doubled his efforts. So, no matter what he does or begs, no more `back door' or oral, it's best you stop everything. AJ isn't growing; remember, his body is still very young. Don't make me have this talk with you again," Dad says in the most serious tone I've ever heard from him.

No sex with AJ is the direction I was heading in anyway. I just can't say no to those emerald eyes, but having Dad decide for me, makes me feel a little better. "Okay, no more sex with AJ. I promise."

Then he looks over the stall wall at AJ totally willing to change the uncomfortable subject and answers my first question, "AJ is waiting for a friend. He's just nervous, that's all. He's fine."

"A friend, huh?" I ask no one in particular. My imagination begins to wander, and I watch him through the slats of the stall. He looks so cute and small sitting on his crate. Then his face lights up, and he bolts from his seat and hurries to a couple of stalls down. Dad is already on his way down there, and Zeke and I hop up on the stall wall to watch the show.

The boy that AJ ran off with and got into all this trouble, comes into the barn riding a horse being led by Mr. Hossenger from Grizzly Valley. He has a smaller boy, about two years younger, I would guess, riding in front of him. The little boy looks happy holding onto the saddle horn. The older boy hands the little one to Mr. Hossenger, then slides off the saddle. He hurries over to AJ with the little one on his heels, and the older boy and AJ share a fist bump. The funny thing is, the younger boy and AJ are about the same height and build. AJ is real nervous, and I can almost see him shaking. If the boy notices, he doesn't seem to care. He just keeps talking about the people, the lights, and the roar of the crowd while Mr. Hossenger puts his horse in the stall.

"Jealous much," Zeke says over my shoulder.

"No... why would I be?" I ask, not sure how I feel.

Zeke shrugs and says, "Maybe. You definitely don't like it. You know who that is, don't you? That's Cowboy... his real name is... Beau, I think. The little rodeo boy prostitute."

My eyes widen as I recall seeing him at a rodeo a few years ago. Zeke and I were playing hide and seek with a couple of kids our age, and we went to hide in this dark area behind a stall that no one uses, and back there we saw Beau and a cowboy completely naked. The man was pulling his long, thick cock out of the boy's butt. Beau was just moaning like crazy. Cum was dripping from the man's cock, and he roughly turned him around and jammed it in Beau's mouth. The small boy sucked and licked it clean, and only then was he allowed to stand. The boy stood there before the cowboy and let him feel him all over, and then the cowboy jammed his fingers into the boy's butthole, making him stand up on his toes and scream out in pain. I bolted up to run and help, but Zeke held me back.

Beau's face whined in pain and contorted from the discomfort of the adult's fingers rooting around in his ass. Then, after he was satisfied that he had hurt the boy, he pulled them out and smelled them. The boy pinches his butt cheeks tightly together to protect himself from further insertion. The man stands up, and with one hand on the back of the boy's head, he pushes his cummy, shit-covered, and blood-soaked fingers into Beau's mouth. The boy chokes, gags, and fights him, but he's no match for the full-grown cowboy. When his fingers were clean, the man simply released the boy, grabbed his jeans, and left him crying and lying on the ground.

"Here you go, cowboy," the man said as he tossed a roll of money about as thick as his cock. "You best get cleaned up for your next fuck."

"Thank you, Mr. Dallas. You fucked me real good. It felt so good," said the shaky boy, choking on his own words.

"See you in the next city, Cowboy."

When the boy started to wipe the cum and blood from his hole off, the light shifted, and in the corner, we saw a smaller boy sitting in the corner with a headset on.

I push that memory out of my head, whispering, "Oh, no." My leg swings over, and I land on the other side of the stall. I pat Zeke's leg, asking him to follow my lead with an unspoken gesture.

I hear Zeke's boots hit the concrete floor as I walk toward AJ and Beau. AJ is trying to ask Beau a question and is so nervous that he is having an asthma attack. Beau is going on and on about his entrance into the arena. His words seem to trail off when we approach. His eyes curiously moved back and forth between my brother and me. It's a common reaction from people who see us for the first time. "Oh cool, you're twins," he says as if no one else can see us.

AJ jumps a little and turns around, seeing us. He pulls out his inhaler and takes a puff.

"We hear you're a cowboy," says Zeke as he puts his hand on AJ's shoulder and moves him behind us.

Beau kind of smiles as he's feeling the hostility coming from us, making his voice a little shaky when he asks, "Well, that's... that's why we're all here, isn't it?"

I gave him a fake smile and really hit him hard by responding, "We heard; you're even called `Cowboy'."

Beau's eyes go wide, and he begins to frantically search for escape routes. I turn and look at dad talking to old man Hossenger. They're just out of earshot, and dad's eyes are watching AJ like a hawk.

Zeke lays a hand on Beau's shoulder and whispers next to his ear so AJ can't hear him, "Our brother isn't into fucking men, and we don't want him around that kind of stuff or people who are into it, understand?"

I watch Beau's face freeze as Zeke is talking. Other than a little quiver in his eyes and bottom lip, he's motionless. Hell, I half-expected him to pee his pants, he might have, but we'll never know because he turns and hightails it out of the barn with AJ behind him.

Zeke and I bump fists and quietly congratulate ourselves on a successful intimidation job. When dad asks, "AJ, where are you going?"

We look up to see AJ stopping at the barn door, watching Beau run towards the camper lot. Mr. Hossenger excuses himself, saying, "That damn kid will be the death of me. I'm sorry, Jack; we'll finish catching up later tonight. Come by the trailer, and we'll tie off the night right." Mr. Hossenger shakes dad's hand, picks up the little boy, and heads off after Beau.

Dad goes back and works on my tack while keeping an eye on AJ.

"What did you say to my friend?"

"Look, AJ," Zeke stands forward and puts his arm around our little bro. "Beau's just not the kind of friend you want."

Seeing AJ this upset kind of has me feeling uneasy about what we did. "Beau is... I'm not sure how to put this, AJ. He has sex with... men for money."

AJ knocks off Zeke's arm and yells, "I know all about that! But he doesn't do that anymore!" He turns to run after Beau, I'm guessing, and dad calls out his name once again, bringing him to a sliding stop. He looks so mad and frustrated when he turns and pushes past us into Dad's arms.

"Oh, what's wrong, AJ? Don't be so upset; just ask if you can go with Beau," dad says as he rubs AJ's back, comforting him. He's totally missing why AJ is so upset, and before he figures it out, maybe my brother and I should leave.

(For more information on Beau and his past, read Chapter 3, titled 'Go Bag,' in Boys of Grizzly Valley in Adult Youth and Andrew's Trust starting Chptr 6. Links at the top of the page.)

Beau

"We heard, you're even called `Cowboy'."

That name! My eyes go wide, and the moment steals my breath away. I haven't had a person call me that in a long time. They can't know about that, can they? That secret was well kept by my johns; how could the twins know? I begin to frantically search for escape routes, but when one of the twins steps forward and takes my shoulder with a steel grip, I know I'm in trouble. Between them, AJ stands, slightly pulling on the other twin's shirt. He softly pleads for them to stop. I try to call out for help from old man Hossenger, but I can't seem to force the words out of my dry throat.

Then the one who has my shoulder whispers next to my ear, "Our brother isn't into fucking men, and we don't want him around that kind of stuff or people who are into it, understand?"

I swallow hard, feel a little pee slip out, and pinch my knees together. I'm afraid to move. I can't pee my pants in front of AJ! So, I bolt when the twin looks away. His grip slips from my shirt, and I can hear AJ calling out to me as I run. I don't care; I can't let him see me like this! My plan is to run as fast as I can as the pee flows out and try to get to the trailer as fast as I can. That was until I ran into a man at full speed.

It is like running into a steel post. I rebound off the man and land in the dirt on my ass. I shake my head and realize my hat fell off, and so I reach for it.

"Wow, are you okay, little guy?" Asks the man. "Did you pee your pants? Damn, I'm so sorry. I thought you had seen me."

I move my hat over the growing evidence covering my crotch. I can't tell you if I am hurt or just seriously so embarrassed that I can't stop crying. The man reaches for his New York Yankees ball cap, and with the other hand, he offers to help me up, asking, "Is your little friend coming to help you? Perhaps you can call to him and bring him out here."

What! AJ is watching me! I can't let him see me! Leaping to my feet, I run off towards the camper lot, covering my pee pants with my cowboy hat.

As I run, memories of men fucking me and shoving all kinds of toys in me flash all around my mind. `Cowboy'! The men all chant, moan, and scream at me.

`Our brother isn't into fucking men.'

No! I would never let them do to AJ what they did to me! Would they rape him because he knows me?

`Our brother isn't into fucking men'

I run through the campsite, kicking over the chair I normally sit in. I pick up Colt's and smash it on the ground, yelling, "I don't do that anymore!" Slamming the door open, I scream, "You can't fuck me anymore! I don't have to take it up the ass!" The Pepsi can tower that I and Colt have been building explodes when I swing my fist through it. "You can't make me!"

Jack

Once I got AJ calmed down and figured out what the twins did, I felt I had to make an appearance at the Hossenger camper to apologize for my boys' stupidity and rudeness. Other than a brief panicked reaction to a man wearing a New York Yankee cap, AJ is a tearful mess, sniffing and doing that little boy lip quiver that they do when they try not to cry, but can't hold it back.

"Now, now, calm down. I'm sure Beau is still friends with you. As soon as we find the twins, we'll make them apologize for threatening him." I would have never guessed my boys would have done that. One day, I'm afraid they will do it with the excuse, "We were just protecting AJ."

The racket coming from the Hossenger's camper is undeniably Beau screaming. I put AJ in a folding chair outside the door and sternly tell him, "Wait here!" and I knock and enter quickly. The trailer is set up much like the one I brought here for the boys. I enter the dining area, which is a pull-out, then on the left are the kitchen, bathroom, and boy's room with bunk beds, and then to the right is the master bedroom.

Colt is sitting at the dining table scared out of his mind as Randy Hossenger is very unsuccessfully trying to hold Beau down to stop his anger fit. "Help!" he shouts, and I reach out and grab the flailing fist of the panicked boy.

"I don't do that anymore! You can't fuck me anymore! I don't have to take it up the ass!" Screams Beau as I pull him close and hug him as tightly as I can.

"Shhh, Beau. It's okay, son, let it out. I can take it," I tell him as I move him outside to minimize kicking damage to Randy's trailer. Once outside, I order the shocked and wide-eyed AJ, "Son, go keep Colt company. Go on, stay inside." He quickly gets up, not willing to take his eyes off his friend, and moves inside the trailer.

"I don't do that anymore! I don't do that anymore..." mumbles the boy as he begins to run out of adrenaline and realizes he's exhausted. Soon he's lying limply in my arms, and I turn him around and pick him up. He's not much bigger than the twins were when they were this age. Beau hugs my neck with one arm and supports his head on my shoulder with the other.

I rub his back, like I do with all my boys, and can feel his muscles begin to loosen up, putting all his weight on me.

I walk him back and forth in front of the trailer, rocking him, and it doesn't take long for him to fall asleep. The trailer door opens, and Randy steps out. He's still out of breath and no worse for the wear, but he looks like he's about to pass out himself. He waves me in, saying, "Come inside, and let's get him out of those wet pants."

I bring him inside and to the bunk beds in the back. AJ watches me intently as he holds Colt's hand. I lay him down and then realized that Beau must have peed his pants during the fit. "I'm so sorry Jack, I didn't notice he had peed his pants till you took him," Randy says while he strips Beau down to his birthday suit.

I look away and check myself for wet spots, and I see AJ craning his neck, trying to see Beau's naked form. "AJ, stop. You're being rude," I crossly whisper, and he sits back down in shame.

AJ is having problems keeping his eyes off Beau, but he's really trying not to, I can tell. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

I change my tone and assure Randy, "Don't worry about it, Randy; it's not the first time a little boy peed on me." AJ blushes, and I give him a wink. "Hey, I'm going to go get cleaned up and put AJ down for bed. I'll be right back."

"Of course, I look forward to it. Thanks again for the help," he says from the back room, then calls for Colt to bring him a wet washcloth. I take AJ's little hand, and we leave.

As we walk home, all the excitement has my little cowboy yawning. "Dad," he asks, "...will Beau be okay?"

"Yes, I believe so."

"Why was he so angry?"

"I'm not sure, AJ, but I think Beau has some demons from his past, and he has trouble dealing with the memories. You might have to ask him."

AJ is quiet while I undress him and tuck him into bed, then asks, "Dad, is it okay that I like Beau, even though he used to get paid for having sex with men?"

I sit on the bottom bunk next to my youngest and smile at him. "AJ, do you think it's good what Beau did?"

"I don't know; I think it's dangerous. To be honest, my experience with my daddy, was a lot of fun, till the end. Then it seemed like all he wanted to do was hurt me." He sits up, hugs me tight, and begins to cry. "Did those men hurt Beau?"

"I think so," I answer as I rub his back slowly. "I think Beau needs a good friend. A friend who understands what he's been through. Someone who will listen to him and share with him. Can you do that?"

AJ sniffles, I wipe the tears from his eyes, and he looks up at me. With a little nod, AJ says in his mousy voice, "I can do that."

"That's my boy. I'm very proud of you," I tell him, and I mean it with every fiber of my body. I lay him back in bed and tuck his little naked body tightly into his warm blankets. "Good night, AJ."

"Good night, dad."

I rub AJ's stomach until he is breathing deeply. I kiss his forehead one more time, and he mumbles something inaudible, "...lo...vu...da," but it makes me smile all the same.

I leave the screen door open, so if he has trouble sleeping, I will come back, but for now, I walk over to the fire pit that I and Hossenger share. "Is Beau okay?"

"Sure he will, but he'll toss and turn tonight. Colt will hold him tight enough to keep him on the bed. I left the screen door open so I'll hear him if he falls."

I chuckle and echo, "I left it open as well." Randy places two glasses on the table and pours us both some Tennessee whiskey. I take my glass and thank my host. "So. I've read the file you sent me, but I want to hear his story from your side. Tell me about Beau and why you came out of retirement. I thought you were done with fostering kids."

The fire crackles, and a log slips, falling into a more comfortable spot sending sparks between us. After emptying his glass, Randy says, "We were done. But two years ago, a class of seven-year-olds came to the ranch, and we did tours, rides, and chuck wagon food. It was a lot of fun for the kids. When it was over, they packed up and left. We didn't think much about it, and Martha and I were about to sit down for dinner when there was a faint knock at the door. Heck, we almost didn't hear it to be honest." He chuckles and pours more whiskey, then continues, "When I opened the door, there stood a little boy covered head to toe in dirt and manure. I figured he just got left behind and wanted help, but that wasn't the case. He told me he cleaned all my horse stalls and wheelbarrowed all the manure to the woods next to the garden. He was looking to get paid. I laughed out loud, and Martha invited him in to get him cleaned up and looking like a boy again."

"He was dressed in blue jeans covered with holes. I know he didn't get them from cleaning horse shit; God knows he was covered in it. His multi-colored shirt was nasty and worn. Martha jumped at the chance to help him as much as she could and immediately started to undress him, leading him to the bathroom. I heard the bath turn on and the boy hiss out loud that the water was too hot. She left him there to soak and went to look among the clothes that had been left here by our other foster kids. The only thing she had to fit him was a light blue pair of little girl panties and a shirt left here by a ten-year-old." He stops to laugh again, and I'm wondering if the story is that funny, or might it be the whiskey?

"Did he really put on the panties? My boys would rather be naked," I joked.

He leaned up to slap my knee and says with a belly laugh, "Martha, bless her heart, had convinced him that they were thin boy underwear. If they were any other color, he'd never have bought it."

We laughed for a little while, and when we stopped, he continued, "...we fed him, and I paid him for his work, a man's salary, and then we took him home, but we didn't make it there. He had us drop him off at the grocery store and waved as we drove off. But I'd never sleep again if I didn't know the boy got home safe, so we parked across the street and watched our mysterious dinner guest walk into the store, in his large t-shirt that barely covered his light blue panties. We had figured he was buying toys and candy with the money I gave him, but when he came out, he had blue jeans on and a cart full of food. We watched him push that cart in and out of back alleys and down streets till he got home. An even younger boy and a sickly woman came out to help him with his bags. So we figured it was over."

I get up from my chair to stretch and check on AJ. The twins come back to the trailer acting like teenagers, and I have to quiet them down. "Hey you two, get washed up and hit the sheets. You two have a long day tomorrow." They sneak by, saying good night to Randy and me.

Once they were inside, Randy was about to begin again when we heard a sleepy, soft voice say, "Pop..."

Standing in the doorway is Colt, wearing only his little Transformer briefs and a thin blanket not much bigger than him. His thumb is in his mouth, and it only leaves enough to say, "...I had a bawd dweam."

Randy motions him over, and he sleepily enters the fire pit area and walks straight to me. His sweet and drowsy face was too much to resist, so I pick him up and cover his semi-naked body with his baby blanket. He cuddles into my lap and, in no time, is asleep. "Shhh, you're safe now. Everything will be alright."

Randy smiles at me and gives me a nod, whispering, "Then, four days later, at just about dinner time, there was a faint rap at my front door. This went on for weeks, two or three times a week, until I noticed Beau hanging out with the rodeo boys. I knew something was wrong when I saw him come out of that cowboy's trailer counting a roll of cash, but I also knew the boy needed money." Randy wipes the tears from his eyes and shakily continues, "I just let it happen, Jack. It seemed like he was happy and safe, and when little Colt showed up tagging along, Beau was more determined than ever to make money. I thought the cowboys were being gentle. I thought they were doing just fore-playing, you know. I told myself that Beau wasn't being hurt. Soon after he turned eight, I began to notice bruising on his arms and back."

Randy pours the rest of the whiskey into his glass and drinks it all before he continues, "I couldn't tell if it was from the cowboys or his piece-a-shit stepdad. Then one night on my last walk through of the park, I heard him screaming. Begging for this guy named Dallas to stop. I can tell his pleas fell on deaf ears. So, I grabbed my shotgun, and I knocked that mother fucker out. Martha called the police, and that saved Dallas's life. I was willing to bury that child abuser next to the gardens. Beau was in bad shape. It was my fault. I had to do something--something to make up for letting Beau do what he was doing, so we took the boy and his brother until we found a good home for him. I'm so glad you got a chance to meet them."

I look into Colt's eyes and watch him suck his thumb softly. I cradle him a little tighter, and his little coos as he breathes melt my heart.

"Pop... I can't find Colt."

Beau stands in the doorway with nothing on, but his little white briefs and a prominent hard-on. It's wonderful seeing them at these ages. Beau is half asleep and probably won't even remember this. "He's just keeping me company Beau, would you like it if I put you back to bed?" I ask. He sleepily nods his head while he rubs his eye and yawns. I get up and head to the camper while Randy hides his tears. Beau offers me his hand, and I take it, leading him back to bed.

"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser

Chapter Text

Rodeo Announcer

"..that was a great run, Ellie," says announcer Roy.

"You're not wrong, Roy; her form was almost perfect, but will the extra time Ellie took to get the flag hurt her time?" reasons announcer Buck.

"Well, our little rodeo women are going to take a break while our officials rank their times, and we are going to begin the age group, eight to thirteen-year-old boy's barrel race."

"I'm so excited this year here at Cut Bank, Montana. My favorite, last year's overall singles winner, and making his last appearance in this age bracket, Rex Marken from Huston, Texas."

"Rex was on a tear last year, getting top times in, Break Away, Ribbon Roping, and Bull Riding," shouts Roy as he flails his hands.

"But don't forget the up-and-coming junior rodeo star, Reese Miller from Las Vegas, Nevada. He was nipping at Rex's heels all season."

"That's a good point, but..." pauses Roy to check on his paperwork. "...will Cut Bank's own, AJ Colter, be up for the challenge?"

After ten minutes of entertaining the crowd, Buck yells, "OKAY! ARE YOU READY TO GET DIRTY?! We are starting this thing off with our hometown heroes, Docker Estates', AJ Colter, and Stepper!"

Beau

I regrettably tossed and turned all night. I even knocked Colt off the bed at one point. Soon after that, I woke up, and Colt was just gone. I sat on the bed and sleepily searched for him under the bed, but no. In the other bunks, no. In the kitchen, no. Then I heard Pop talking outside, so I went to tell him, "Pop, I can't find Colt." Then I saw him, Colt curled up in AJ's dad's arms, and all I could think of was, AJ is so lucky. His dad is... his dad is...

Mr. Colter stands up and tells me in a soothing voice, "He's just keeping me company, Beau; would you like it if I put you back to bed?" I sleepily nod my head while I rub my eye and yawn. I offer him my hand, and AJ's dad gently takes it. His warm hand enveloped mine, and I felt a connection. I've never had a dad before, not a real one at least. He lays Colt in bed and pulls the covers back for me. I sit on the bed and sleepily tell him, "I wish I had a dad like you," then as I lay down, he covers me up, and tucks us in. Kissing our foreheads, Mr. Colter rubs my back, and I can feel the warmth of his hands transfer deep into my back.

That's the last thing I remember, and the memory blinks from my mind like a bucking bull out of the shoot when the rodeo announcer says over the loudspeakers, "... Docker Estates', AJ Colter, and Stepper!"

Exploding out of the gate is a small calf, with Stepper hot on its tail. The calf jukes and dodges, but Stepper never loses sight of it. AJ swirls his lasso over his head, his cute little tongue just breaking between his perfect lips. "Come on, AJ! Go AJ!" I yell from on top of my horse, Checkers. The lasso flies from his hand, and the hoop opens with purpose as it sails through the air. With the rope inches from the calf's head, AJ pulls Stepper into a slide. The lasso secures itself on the calf's head, and AJ jumps from the saddle. Running to the calf, he grabs the ribbon that is tied to the calf's tail. Bolting back to the gate, AJ leaves dirt and dust in his wake.

"Did you see that? Did you see that?" shouts Roy.

"Oh my god, rodeo fans! I see that! I think that is faster than last year's record set by Rex Marken!" Buck answers in a frantic manner.

"Yes!" I fist pump, and Checkers stirs. "Come on, boy, let's go see AJ!" I spur Checkers on, and we hurry to the staging area. When I got to the staging stalls, Zeke and his boyfriend, um, Parker, had a hold of Stepper, and AJ was being hugged by his dad and fawned over by his mom, whose name is... Alice. She came this morning, and they've been sticking to AJ like glue the whole time. I've wanted to be with him as soon as I woke up, but Pop says I shouldn't be bothering them. I'm strangely drawn to him for some reason--is it his striking emerald eyes, his soft golden hair, his perfect face, or his childlike innocence? An innocence that I was never allowed to have, quite frankly. I've been looking for an excuse to butt in and be included in their family day, but every excuse I come up with just makes me feel rude. But this... I'm just congratulating my friend, that's all.

"Wow, AJ, that was amazing!" I shout as I ride up next to Stepper. I climb down from my saddle, and AJ's dad puts him down on the ground. Without thinking, I embrace him in a huge hug!

Wait! What am I doing?

I let him go and look into AJ's shocked expression. I can see the twins glaring at me over his shoulder. I don't know what to do, so I just extend my hand for a handshake. AJ looks at my hand, then back up at the embarrassed look on my face, and then smiles and sheepishly shakes my hand.

"Thanks, they said it was a record time. Cool, huh?" AJ says overly excited.

Mr. Colter pats my back and messes up my hair, asking, "Good morning, Beau, where's your hat?"

"Pop's behind me somewhere. He has it," I answer back and melt into his strong hand.

"When do you ride, honey?" Asks AJ's mom.

"I'm number fifteen, ma'am," I tell her a little shyly.

"Hey Jack, Alice, Beau's not bothering you, is he?" Pop asks as if I'm not embarrassed enough. "AJ, you were great; I saw it on the Jumbotron," he adds and puts down Colt to give AJ a hug. "The announcers are still talking about it."

"Randy, it's so nice to see you," says AJ's mom, and Pop gives her a hug with the other arm.

Colt hops up and down next to Mr. Colter with his arms up. Noticing this, he picks up my little brother, and Colt snuggles into him. "Humph, Jack, Colt really seems to like you. Other than Beau, he doesn't really get attached to people," says Pop. He gives AJ's dad a hug and receives a pat on the back.

"Why don't you guys join us after the boys are done with their runs?" Mrs. Docker suggests as she plays with my little brother by tickling him. It's nice to hear Colt laugh.

"That's a real nice offer, but I have to help with rodeo events," says Pop. My little brother's bottom lip begins to quiver as he begins to pout.

Pop looks from Colt to my disappointed face, and he's about to say something, but AJ's dad offers, "Then why don't we take the boys?"

AJ gets excited and starts to jump up and down, giving him a little boy glow, just like Colt does. "Can they, dad? Can Beau hang out with us all day?" His dad's eyes switch to Pop, and AJ hops over to him, pleading with him, so I join him. I mean, why not?

Pop quickly thinks it over during the chorus of us three kids, "Please, Pop, can we?" and "Can they please?"

He nods and asks, "Are you sure, Jack... Alice?" The parents talk it over while Mr. Colter puts Colt down and lifts me up on my horse.

AJ

Petting Checkers, I wish Beau good luck and take Colt's hand. "We'll be watching from the exit gate." Then my family leaves, and the twins take Stepper to the stalls so he can rest before I have to do the Break Away competition. Mom picks up Colt, and dad puts me on his shoulders. They're perfect seats. We cheer as Rex Marken bursts from the gate along with his calf. His calf seems crafty and is dodging back and forth, but when he releases his lasso, it sails through the air and lands around the calf's head. He wraps the end around the horn and jumps off his horse in a sprint to the calf's tail. The calf is not cooperative, and he has a difficult time getting the ribbon. Once he has it, he runs with everything he has, but his time is nowhere near mine. That means I beat last year's winner. I was real excited but soon felt sorry for him when he just sank to his knees and cried. His dad rushed to him, made him stand, and walk back to the staging area. I hope he does better in the next run.

Beau was next, and he was brilliant. He's so handsome as Checkers gallops after the calf. He almost appears to float over the horse in a fluid motion, but that could be my imagination because I also see hearts floating around his head and have a warm sensation that covers my entire body. Dad hopped up and down as he cheered for Beau, bouncing me out of my daydream. "Go, Beau! Faster! Faster!" I cheer.

Beau joined us, and Dad picked him up, setting him on top of the fence. We bump fists, and my dad tells him, "You were great!"

"But my timing was bad. My calf wouldn't hold still so I could get the ribbon."

"I'm proud of you for not giving up, though," dad says as he shakes Beau's knees.

"Yeah, I just got lucky on my calf flip when Stepper stopped him. I think he was dazed or something. By the time I got to him, he just stood there and let me grab his tail," I reassured him.

Beau smiles and begins to play with Colt. Soon enough, I'm pulled into the `one-finger tickle match', and mom and dad decide that we need to run off some steam. So, we head to the fair.

There is a row of fair booths that have games like ring toss to win a fish, throw a baseball at bottles to win a new bat or glove, and a new one I've never seen before and one that I wanted to play more than anything. The booth was colored in red and blue stripes, and at one end was a small table about my size. On the table are four pellet rifles, and on the opposite side are large boxes hanging from strings from the ceiling. The boxes say things like PS4, New Bike, Stuffed Animal, and Free Fair Rides, but the one that grabbed my attention was the box that said, PS5. I've wanted one from the day I saw it.

"Wow, this is right up your alley, isn't it, AJ?" asks my dad as he shakes my shoulders.

Beau looks curiously at me and asks, "Are you any good?"

I blush and shrug my shoulders. "I'm okay, I guess."

Mom sets Colt down, and he immediately grabs a gun. "No, Colt, not this game. We'll play something else," Beau sternly says as he takes the rifle from Colt.

"Come on, big boy, let's go get everybody lemonade," my mom says, winking at Beau. She and Colt head off to look for a drink stand, much to Colt's dismay, and Beau turns his attention to the rifles.

Dad gives the man ten dollars, five dollars for five shots, and he begins to tell us the rules for the game, "Okay, here's what you wanna do," he said in a weird carny accent. "You've got five shots, five shots to shoot the strings. Now you can't win a prize with something in front of it. You have to work your way there by clearing the way. The prizes are rehung after five shots."

Beau

Mr. Colter hands me a rifle, and pays for me to have five tries. I cock the pellet gun, and AJ watches me intently as I fire five times and only win a souvenir drinking glass worth about two cents. So much for showing off. I turn to AJ and blush, saying, "I'm way better than that, you'll have to trust me." AJ's dad pats my back and tells me not to worry about it. "I really wanted that rifle in the back," I say under my breath.

AJ levels his rifle at the prizes hanging on the strings in front of the PlayStation 5 and takes aim. His first shot goes wide, and the shock on AJ's face is unmistakable. He looks up at his dad and sees his smirk. "Work it out, son," is all he says.

AJ takes a moment to think things over, and then he draws something on the table with his finger before taking aim again. His next two shots are perfect, and he wins free fun rides at the carnival and a stuffed animal of his choosing. The man running the booth begins to look a little nervous when he says, "Oh too bad, you have three strings to shoot and two shots."

AJ takes a deep breath, and I walk over behind him and rub his shoulders for support. He turns his head to me and asks me with a whisper, "The rifle hanging next to the PS5, right?"

I give him a little nod, thinking he's giving up on the PS5.

I would like to believe that your life is planned, as they tell you in church. It would be extremely boring without the few times in your life that you break the plan and do something amazing. AJ quickly rises his air rifle and shifts his eyes from the uppity game man, then back to the prizes. The pellet fires from the rifle and strikes one of the strings that are holding the rifle. Being suddenly released from its left string, it swings to the right, crashing into the PS5 and the prize that blocks it. AJ cocks his rifle and fires off his second shot as the three boxes spin together, making one big string. The pellet strikes true, and all three boxes fall to the ground.

The carnie is beside himself. I'm talking mouth open, wide-eyed, and frozen in time. Mr. Colter, on the other hand, grabs AJ from behind and tosses him in the air, yelling, "That was amazing, AJ!" He catches him and shakes him back and forth as AJ laughs and giggles with the cutest face.

"That was awesome, man," I tell my friend, and I embrace him in the best hug I could manage. His giggling stops and our eyes meet, and for the briefest moment, nothing else mattered. The sound of the game man dropping the prizes on the table breaks the connection. I let him go and turned away to look at... a dog walking by. "Look at that dog," I say, trying to change the subject.

AJ just stares at me, blushing, and without moving his eyes, says, "...yeah he's so cute."

Mr. Colter turns us back at the table, and we take in all that AJ won: a stuffed animal (AJ picked this fuzzy brown teddy bear), free fun rides for the day for one person, a Lego set that made a Spider-Man car, the rifle, and the PlayStation 5.

"Good lord, honey, did you two win all this stuff?" AJ's mom asks when she and Colt will return.

"No, AJ won it all. I only won this lame plastic cup," I tell her, still amazed by what happened. "You should have seen him, he's amazing," I add as I look over the rifle box that I wanted.

"Take it; I won it for you. I couldn't have done it if not for you winning that cup," AJ says while handing me the rifle.

"Really!? I can have it?"

Mr. Colter takes the rifle from over my shoulder and says, with a chuckle, "Let's ask permission before we start handing out prizes. Everyone takes a box. We have to get you guys back to do your second ride."

AJ grabs the teddy bear and hands it to Colt. "Here, Colt, I won this for you. You carry it and think of a name for him."

Colt begins to visibly shake with excitement, spilling most of his lemonade. "Weally, it's awe mine? Tank you, A-yay." Then he gives my friend a huge hug, almost squeezing the life out of him.

Back at the trailer, we are reliving the amazing events that led up to AJ's unforgettable shot, so Pop knows how we got all this stuff. While AJ and I build the Lego and Colt seems to be satisfied with just hugging and playing with `Gomer' the teddy bear on the bunk beds, Pop asks, "Was it a lucky shot?"

"No," AJ's dad responds. "... AJ has a photographic memory, and once he watched Beau's shots and made one of his own, he just used math to figure out how off the rifle's sights were. As far as swinging over the one box to tangle with the others, well, all I can say is, AJ will tell you it was obvious, but I think only AJ could have made that shot."

AJ changes his rodeo shirt into a white tee shirt before getting into his rodeo protection vest because Colt must have spilled the rest of his lemonade on his back when he hugged him and he just forgot to mention it. Anyway, we get ready for our second and third runs of the competition.

Announcers

"...the teen competition is heating up, and next up we have the dynamic duo of the Colter twins, Zeke and Zack," announces Buck.

Roy adds, "They were our team winners last year, excelling in every team run we had, but this year they're playing with the big boys, ages fourteen to eighteen. Let's find out if they can keep up."

AJ

We get back in time to hear the announcer call out Zack and Zeke's names. Beau, Colt with Gomer in his tight grip, and I find a seat near the gate. Mom and dad sit a little further away from us, but not so far that they can't see me. It's a scorcher of a day, and dad buys us all sodas and cotton candy, blue for Beau and me and pink for Colt, on the account that they are out of the blue, from the vendor walking up and down the bleachers. Colt didn't seem to mind. This is their first taste of the stuff, and Colt gobbled it up!

Once we get set up, the gate bursts open as a big calf takes off with the twins hot on its heels. Their form is unmatched and mirrored. Their horses even seem to be in sync somehow too. The crowd goes wild, more so than I've heard so far. Before I knew it, the twins had tossed their lassos, the calf had been pulled tight, and Zack had slipped off Shadow Whisperer with the piggy strap in his teeth. Flipping the calf on its back, his legs are tied together.

Zack's arms go up, the buzzer sounds, and the time is... three seconds faster than last year's time. The noise is deafening, and I have to turn down my hearing aid. The twins ride around the area and show off before they ride back to the stalls. Dad goes back to help them pack up. Mom takes us kids to go get our horses.

Mr. Hossenger meets us in the stalls and helps me and Beau get Checkers and Stepper ready for the Break Away and Flag Run competitions.

Break Away, I've never done it before or even seen it done before today, but I'm not sure I even did it right, but somehow, I came out in fourth place, which is thanks to Stepper's speed. I dominated the flag run and took first place. Man, I was sick, and the announcers went nuts, thinking I was going to fall off when I reached out for the flag. Stepper was like a race car, turning around the barrel and then kicking it into overdrive! No one's time was close to mine.

But currently, I stand on the fence looking in on a very large... sheep. That's right, you heard me: a sheep. It's kicking and banging up against the gate, and Colt, of all people, is being lowered on it by my dad while the other rodeo dads try and hold the sheep still.

"Remember, Colt, hold on for dear life. Pinch with your knees, and don't forget to use your legs. When you hear the buzzer, let go!" Beau shouts over the banging. I've never seen this before and can't believe timid little Colt volunteers to go first.

"You can go next if you want?" Asks Beau.

The shock on my face makes him giggle when I say, "Are you nuts? That thing is crazy! Besides, mom already said `No'." I tap the hardened shell of the spine protection vest I have to wear at the rodeo. "I don't plan on dying again; no thank you!"

"Oh, right, yeah, it's probably not a good idea," Beau agrees, locking his feet on the fence like mine. The gate flies open, and the sheep jumps out and takes off running. The rodeo dads, including mine, try to keep up as it jerks back and forth, trying to get Colt off!

"Go, Colt! YAH-HO!" We yell to support Colt. He lasted four seconds, which is pretty good for a crazy kid. Colt got off his knees and picked up his hat, slaps his knee with it before putting it back on his head. Then he runs to Dad full of pride. Dad picks him up with a little toss, and catches him with a little shake to make him laugh. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, that's our thing, isn't it?

Before my mind can dig into that thought, Beau smacks my chest with the vest and says, "You up for the Sheep Run?"

"The what...?"

Beau puts his arm around my shoulder and says confidently, "Stick with me, kid; I'll make a cowboy out of you yet."

Come to find out, after the Sheep Bronco, the rodeo people duct-taped fifty-dollar bills to a sheep. It seems like there are thousands of them. I tried to count them, but with the moving of the sheep, I lost count after about eighty. All of us kids, ages eight to thirteen, who participated in the rodeo got to line up, and when the sheep came out of the gate, we all chased it, trying to get the bills off. Kids younger like Colt use chickens. It was so funny. Anyway, I got two hundred dollars before I found that I needed an inhaler break, so I just headed back to Dad. He picks me up, and while I puff on the inhaler, we watch Beau and Rex work together trying to corner the sheep, but Rex gets knocked over and it gets away. All in all, I know it sounds crazy and absurd, but it was a lot of fun. After that, we all head back to the stands to watch the twins.

The twins don't spend a lot of time around us during the day. Even though I know they are busy with the competition, I still find it odd that Zack hasn't given me a hug or kiss all day. He was off with his friends before I even woke up. Dad says not to worry about it; that boys will be boys, but I can't help but feel a little... alone. Beau has been a big help, and Colt sure is cute with Gomer the teddy bear, but something is missing.

"Come on, AJ! Your dad gave me money for us to get candy apples!" Beau shouts, bringing me out of my thoughts. I hop off the fence and bolt after the Knight brothers.

Jack

The boys run around and play all day. If it wasn't for them feeding off each other's excitement, they would have collapsed earlier this afternoon.

All my boys did remarkably well in the rodeo. The twins and AJ are moving on to the Junior Rodeo Finals, which happen next month in Grizzly Valley, California. They are all very excited and can't wait to get there. Beau also got enough points to move on to the finals. Even Colt was on cloud nine after winning five hundred dollars in the Bronco Sheep event.

The closing ceremony on Saturday night was great, but unfortunately, the boys' sugar rush ended too soon for them to watch the fireworks. So, Randy, Alice, and I all took a boy, and we worked our way to the campers. Tomorrow the adults get to play cowboy, and I could honestly use some sleep.

I tuck AJ into his bed after a long, in-depth conversation about why he needs to wear his PJs. Sleeping while naked isn't a good idea in a camper. So, we compromised: he'll wear the onesie but can be naked underneath. Kissing his forehead, I watched him snuggle into his pillow and drift to sleep. He's had a long, tiring day and deserves some sweet dreams.

Heading outside, I meet Zack as he is coming inside. "Tired kiddo?"

"I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

"Just be extra quiet; I just got AJ asleep. He really missed you today," I tell Zack, and he stops briefly.

He whispers in return, "...I really missed him too."

Zack comes back to me, and I give my younger son a proper hug. I know my boys, and there is something seriously bothering my youngest. When he felt the hug was too long, he let me go, wipes a few tears, and slips quietly inside. Zeke sits next to Alice on a wooden log. I can hear Randy putting Beau and Colt to bed. Those two and AJ have been running on sugar and adrenaline for the last three hours. I'm sure they will be asleep as soon as they hit the sheets, just like AJ. I take a seat in my camping chair and get Zeke's attention, "Zeke..."

He's poking at the fire and is just winding down, enjoying the sounds of the campfire. He looks at me and then at Alice. When our eyes meet again, I nudge my head toward the camper, and his eyes and smile go wide.

"Oh, okay, I'd best be heading to bed," he says with a fake yawn and then kisses Alice on her cheek, "Night, mom." He gives me a little playful bro hug and then heads inside the camper.

Alice looks at me with a little smirk, and I scoot my chair over in front of her. Leaning forward, I take her hand and look into her eyes. The light from the fire dances in the blue color of her eyes. Suddenly, I'm not sure if this is the right time to bring this up. I look over to Randy's trailer and see his lights go out. I sigh and say softly, "I want to talk to you about... Beau and Colt." I tell her, and by the movement of her eyebrows, I've more than piqued her curiosity.

"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser

End of Counting - Chapter 30 - Tux

Chapter Text

Jack

Alice looks at me with a little smirk, and I scoot my chair over in front of her. Leaning forward, I take her hand and look into her eyes. The light from the fire dances in the blue color of her eyes. Suddenly, I'm not sure if this is the right time to bring this up. I look over to Randy's trailer and see his lights go out. I sigh and say softly, "I want to talk to you about... Beau and Colt." I tell her, and judging by the movement of her eyebrows, I've more than piqued her curiosity.

But before I bring up the boys, maybe I should start with my brother and me. When we were little my parents were terrible and my father used to beat us all the time. I took the hits for both of us until that just wasn't good enough for him. We were almost teenagers when the state of California took us from them and gave us to Randy. The Hossenger's fostered us until Randy found us a good home. That family was good to us Alice. Life became something that I only experienced in my dreams.

Now Randy has come to me. He's asked me to step up. He's asked me...

AJ

Sunday Morning

I sit up in bed, startled by the twins going through their morning routine. To me, it just sounds like a dull thumping. My sleepy hand reaches for the nightstand, and I knock over the lotion bottle, feeling around for my set of hearing aids. Then, I put on my glasses and tried to focus my sleepy eyes and look around, but they wanted five more minutes of sleep. There's only Zeke next to me in his tight jeans and no shirt. He's probably combing his hair for the fourth time this morning. The shower turns off, and I'm guessing that's Zack... I miss our showers together. Out my window is the brightness of the new day. Dad and mom are out front talking to Mr. Hossenger, who has a coffee cup in his hand by the fire pit. "What do you think they're talking about this early?" I ask no one in particular.

Zeke messes up my already messed up hair and answers, "That's none of your business, bedhead. Man, you need a haircut."

I sleepily knock his hand away and see Mom heading back to the camper after she shakes Mr. Hossenger's hand. Zack walks by, totally naked, drying his hair. His body's muscles have almost doubled since I've known him. He's so hot, I instantly get a stiffy. Getting out of bed, I step close to him and take his soft, jiggly, warm cock in my hand. Looking up at him with the best puppy eyes I have, I beg, "Can we... maybe today? I miss this," and I give it a squeeze, making it thicken and grow in my hand.

"Stop, AJ, and no. I've already told you, it's too big for you. You can't have it anymore."

Zeke pushes in between us and picks me up, pinning me with his chest against the wall. I wrap my legs around his waist and begin to laugh. His smell is explosive, and he licks my ear and nibbles on it, saying, "I'll play with you, AJ. I'll rip these PJs off you and show you a much better time than Zack!"

"I've seen how you play with Parker; you'll hurt me," I manage to giggle out as he tickles me like he's trying to take off my pajama bottoms.

The camper door opens, and mom walks in, seeing us horse-playing in the bedroom. She looks cross and says, "Zeke, AJ, and Zack, stop messing around. AJ, get over here, and let's get you fed."

Zeke lets me down on my bed and whispers in my ear, "I'd never hurt you, AJ, but you will be screaming... all night." Then he backs away and mouths the word `orgasm' and holds up ten fingers.

Can he make me orgasm ten times in a row? The most Zack has ever been able to give me is six. Does he know something Zack and I don't? But before I ask, he grabs his white tee shirt, and Zack pushes him out of the trailer with an apple in each of their hands. "Just for the record, I wasn't horseplaying," Zack says as he flips his hair out of his eyes.

My hard-on is out of control, and I'm not sure hiding it with this blanket will work much longer. To make matters worse, I really need something up my butt. "Um, mom, I'm taking a shower," I tell her as I hurry past her, holding my stiffy down.

Beau

`Beau... Beau... get up please,' says Mr. Dallas, and I look around. I'm in that dirty, smelly, dark trailer of his. I'm on his bed, and his head is between my legs. Both my hands are gripped and locked in his hair as I hold on for dear life during one of the best blow jobs I've ever received. There is a pinch, and Dallas clips my cock with his teeth. "Owe! Be careful down there," I tell him. Slowly, he raises his head, and it's covered in blood. He smiles, and my dick is in his mouth... HE BIT MY COCK OFF!!

I sit up and crack my head on the top bunk and understandably shout, "Fuck!"

"Beau... Beau... please help me out here; Colt made a huge mess. Get him dressed for me. Mr. Colter will be here any minute," Pop pleads, totally ignoring my flippant use of the `F' word.

"Sorry, Pop, I'm up. I'm up now," I sluggishly say as I sit up on the bed to see a wet and naked Colt run by. `Well shit' I think to myself, and I reach out and grab his wrist. "Colt, stop acting like this." Colt spins around and clocks me in the head with Gomer, breaking my hold on him, and he runs back towards Pop's bedroom laughing and giggling.

I sigh and get up with all the determination to settle him down with one smack on that plump, bare ass, but he's gone. Sleepily, I rub my eye as I slowly work my way through the kitchen, expecting him to jump from a cubby and scare me, but then I see it--the door is wide open.

Rushing into the door, I'm sure Pop is going to kill me when he realizes I allowed Colt to get outside by himself and naked no less. I see Mr. Colter holding a naked Colt. "Colt, what are you doing? What have I told you about being naked around men? Besides, you got AJ's dad all wet. Sir, I'm so sorry."

Mr. Colter smiles at me and tickles Colt's tummy, saying, "It's okay, Beau; he's safe with me. This little bear saw me through the screen and ran right up to me." He sees my angry embarrassment for what my brother has done and does his best to defuse my anger. "What'd you say? Let's get some fur on this little bear, then get you cleaned up and dressed." It's only then that I realize I'm outside in my bright orange fruit-of-the-looms. He messes up my bedhead a little and pats me on the back, leading me back to the trailer.

Pop is standing in the hallway looking around when we enter. "Hey Randy, mind if I help the boys get their day started?"

Pop takes a visible sigh and says, "Bless you, Jack."

Mr. Colter gets Colt dressed, and for some reason, I sit there and watch him like a hawk. I know he's AJ's dad, and he's probably seen AJ naked a lot. He's probably dressed him, and he's never tried anything funny with him, but it's my little brother. After what I went through, no man will ever touch Colt the same way they touched me. But he just dresses him as fast as you can, with the little boy jiggling around like he has no bones. He's all done and pats Colt on the bottom, and he runs into Pop's arms.

"Next," Mr. Colter says as he turns to me. I'm not sure what made me feel like it was okay to let him touch me, but suddenly, I want him to. It is exciting not to know what he is going to pick for me to wear. I smile at him and stand up in front of him, on full display, waiting for that strong hand to slide up my legs and caress my balls and play with my cock till I moan and beg him to stop. I close my eyes, expecting to be violated, to have my underwear ripped off and thrown on the floor, and to have my legs forced open, revealing my little tight butthole... but he didn't. None of that happens.

Mr. Colter slipped a dark blue muscle shirt over my chest, pinning my arms down. I open my eyes and see my arms. He says it with a smile. "Oh, sorry, my eyes were closed." I return his smile, and he helps my arms through my shirt. He hands me a pair of light blue Fruit-of-the-Loom briefs and turns his back to me, giving me some privacy. I pause until I'm sure this isn't a trick. As soon as I pulled off my underwear, he could spin around and pin me to the floor, but he didn't.

"Did you change your underwear yet?" He asks, and I give him a soft, yes. He turns back around and compliments me on my muscles. He is holding my dark blue shorts with the light blue design on them. Holding them open, I place my arms on his shoulders and step into the shorts. "Let's take a look," he says and spins me around like a top about a hundred or so times, making me dizzy. Colt is just busting up about this, along with me, and when I'm done spinning, Mr. Colter scoops me up and says, "Beau's coming with me; I want to talk to you, man to man."

I wave at Pop and Colt as we leave the trailer. Mr. Colter combs his hand through my hair, trying desperately to tame my curls. Then, he sets me down and takes my hand. We walk hand in hand until we get to the arena. We stop and watch the cowboy teenagers trying to ride this bull or that bull. I hear him sigh out loud, and then he picks me up and puts me on the fence. Looking into my eyes, he says with a lot of careful thought, "Beau, I know you've had it rough. I know you've done things that keep you up at night. I'm sure you feel responsible for Colt. I have an idea that will help everyone out, I think. See, Randy... Pop is going to go home and start to plan and run the rodeo finals for next month. To be honest, I'm sure you've noticed that Pop is getting old. "Hell, he was old when I first met him when I was your age," Mr. Colter says, tickling my stomach to emphasize. "He, Alice, and I have talked this over, and we would like you and Colt to stay with us till the wedding. If everything works out, we'd like it to be permanent. What do you think?"

This man is full of surprises. I don't know what to say. I think it over and watch the people milling around the food court. Moms and dads with their kids are holding hands and hugging. I want that. I want that for Colt. "What about Pop? Who's gonna help him with the dude ranch?" I ask, sounding more kid-like than I normally like to do. Sometimes the big, bad adult act that I try to put on falls by the wayside, revealing the true me.

Mr. Colter gives me a hug, pulling me from the fence. Setting me on his hip, he tells me, "Pop will be okay. He has many men that work for him, and he has Martha to crack that whip."

After I give it a little more thought, I ask him excitedly, "You mean like we'll be part of a real family?"

"That's right, but just remember, when you are at our house, I expect you to act like kids, not adults. Let us worry about you and Colt for a change; you worry about having fun and playing."

I wipe away a loose tear and hug him tightly again. His hug is strong and meaningful. I trust this man.

Mr. Colter breaks our hug and points over to the rodeo gates: "Hey look, the twins' final run is starting!" I turn to see my taunters riding out on their horses, speeding after a very determined calf. What will it be like to grow up with them in the same house? Will they visit me in the dark? Will they pin me behind the horse barn and use me, doing unspeakable things to me? Suddenly, my doubts caused me to shake a little. Is a family worth the risk?

Twins

It's dark in the staging area. One last ride, and we're done. Zeke and Charlie and me on Night Whisper--one last event, and all I can think about is what dad asked me this morning. His words haunt me, and I can't stop them from creeping into the front of my mind. Charlie bumps into Whisper and shakes my thoughts from my mind. Looking at Zeke, he chuckles and says, "Are you here with me, Zack?"

"Yeah, of course, I am."

"You look distracted, that's all."

"Well, I just keep going over what dad said to me when I woke up."

"What did he ask you?"

"He asked me if I was happy having AJ around. If I liked having a little brother."

"That's what he asked me! He was real cryptic about it."

"What do you think is going on?" Zeke shrugs at me, and Charlie stirs as the riders come back to the arena stalls. "Do you think... do you think maybe they're moving?"

Our names are called out, and we quickly shift gears back into rodeo mode.

The buzzer sounds.

The gate opens.

Our loyal companions take off after the calf that is released. Dirt flies, the calf jukes, and Zeke and I never miss a step. When it's all over and the buzzer sounds again, I untie the pigging strap and take the lassos off the calf as we wait for the scores. Going into this day, we are tied with another team. Last year's winners were two eighteen-year-olds. Coming into this competition, we are on their turf, and everyone is talking about how they knew it would be us two at first and second place, but they just couldn't decide which would be the first. Time ticks away as we wait in the arena. I'm rolling up my lasso one last time when I see Dad talking to Beau, who is perched on the fence. My thoughts are invaded by our conversation earlier. Then I see it: Beau leaps into Dad's arms and gives him the biggest hug. My mind goes into overdrive. What could this mean?

"Yes!" My brother screams. "Did you hear that? We rule."

"Huh?"

"Dude, we won!"

"Oh, that's great!" I respond, still a little lost in my thoughts. Dad and Beau are clapping and cheering, with the occasional whistle from dad.

"Hey look... Aidan is in the stands," my brother teases.

"He is; where is he?"

"Just left of the judges, light blue shirt."

There he is, and suddenly I feel hot. He's waving at me, trying to get my attention, so I take off my hat and wave it over my head. He smiles at me and tries to hide his embarrassment by covering his face, but his sister pulls his hands away, teasing him.

"You two sure have been spending a lot of time together since Friday. The guys were asking where you were."

"Yeah, well, he's cool," I say and look up at Zeke, knowing that's not enough.

"And!"

"...and I think he's cute and funny."

"Cute? He's gorgeous, and if I knew he was gay, I would have made a move on him last year," Zeke says, then whistles to get Aidan's attention and points to the gate. "Come on, love bird."

I hop on Whisper and follow Zeke. "Just don't say anything embarrassing, please."

Once we get to the gate, Aidan is there, and he seems really excited, and seeing that he's happy for me just makes me that much more uncomfortable.

"Hey Aidan," Zeke says before I arrive.

Aidan never moves his eyes from mine, and when I get into range, he gives me a little wave and says, "Hey."

"Hey," I respond, and I planned on saying a lot more, but my voice cracked on `hey' and, well, I choked.

Zeke looks between the two of us and then addresses Aidan again: "Did you like the rodeo, Aidan?" Aidan just responds with a head nod. A man and a woman walk up behind Aidan, and the lady puts her arm around his shoulder.

"These are your friends, Aidan?" She asks and says, "You boys did real good. You seem to have a knack for the rodeo."

"Thank you, ma'am," Zeke says with a tip of his hat. I can't seem to get over how the man is scowling at me. Aidan looks as nervous as I feel. Zeke turns Charlie and says softly to me, "Come on, lover boy, before Dad comes looking for us."

"Zeke!" I practically shout as I pull my hat over my face. Damn! I knew he'd embarrass me somehow--and in front of Aidan's family, no less. I turn Whisper around and spur her to catch up, then yell over my shoulder, "Ummm, bye, call me, okay?"

"I will," I hear behind me in that sweet high tone with a little crack in it. I do love his voice.

AJ

I can hear her moving around on the other side of that thin door. It ruins my concentration, and my frustration builds as I force more and more of my two fingers inside my butthole. I can't seem to find that one spot--that spot that brings me so much joy. I lost my hard-on a few minutes ago when she knocked on the door and told me to hurry up. Giving up the thought of never feeling Zack's cock inside me... well, it's almost too much to bear. I get up off the toilet, get my hair wet in the shower, then turn it off and wash my hands.

I open the bathroom door and walk out, drying my hair. Mom turns and sternly looks at me, standing there as naked as I was the first day she saw me. "What?" I'm curious as to why she's so upset.

"What were you doing in there?"

I look at the bathroom and sarcastically say, "Taking a shower?"

She's not buying it; I can see it in her eyes. I blush slightly and scratch my nuts, making my soft long dick wiggle. She changes her expression to a small smile and says, "Go dress Mr. Wiggles and hurry or we'll be late to watch the twins' final run."

"Mom!" I shout in embarrassment, "Don't call it that!" I cover my boy bits and head to the bedroom to get dressed.

Entering the bedroom, I toss my towel on the bed and see sitting on the dresser a matching set of clothes, neatly folded and ready for me to put on. Zack must have set them aside when he got dressed. I pick up his underwear from the bed and sniff it. My knees instantly get weak, and my dick hardens. I remember this smell from when I was buried in his crotch, on his chest when we cuddle, and from him when I fall asleep in his lap. I don't understand what I did to change things between us, and I think that part of us is gone.

"Honey, do you need help?"

I quickly put Zack's underwear underneath my pillow and got dressed.

Mom sits at the table, sipping her coffee, and watches me eat my Coco Puffs. It really begins to bother me, wondering if maybe she heard me moaning or peeked in on me to see what I was doing. Soon, the anticipation of being in trouble for trying to jack-off with my fingers shoved deep in my ass is too much, and I have to ask with a mouth full of cereal, "What? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, honey, you didn't. I just have something to tell you, and I'm not sure how to start," she answers, and satisfied with her answer, I drink my milk and put my dishes in the sink. When I turn around, she takes my hands and rubs her thumbs in the palms of my hands. I'm not sure what to do; sometimes she is so hard to read. "Honey, do you like having big brothers?"

"Of course I do. The twins are nice to me and let me do stuff with them. Although Zack is mad at me for some reason, when I figure out why, I'll fix it, I promise. Is that what this is about?" I am kind of upset.

"Zack isn't mad at you, honey. He's growing up, that's all. You didn't do anything wrong, and you can't fix it. He loves you dearly, and the sad thing is you're just not going to understand until you are a teenager and meet that one person that makes you speechless."

I nod like I understand, but I don't.

Mom pulls me into her lap and says, "AJ, this is about you being a good brother, and I'm so proud of you and how you've accepted the twins. You know that Beau and Colt have had a hard life," she says, and I nod, wondering where this is going. Mom gives me a hug and continues, "...well, Mr. Hossenger is trying to take care of them but is having a hard time, so we are going to have Beau and Colt stay with us."

"Really mom!? That's great!" I exclaim excitedly and give her a proper hug.

"If things go well and everyone is happy, we can make it permanent. You'll have two new brothers, and you have to understand that you won't be the baby of the family anymore. I'll need you to be a good big brother to Colt."

"I will, mom; I can be a big brother!" I say this excitedly and practically hop with new energy.

Mom grabs my hand and forces eye contact. Then, very slowly, so that every word soaks in, she says, "AJ, listen... Do not bug Beau and Colt about their past. It's none of your business. They will need to feel safe and comfortable, not like they don't belong, understand?"

I nod to my mother, and I shake with excitement at the thought of having a little brother and a brother my age to play with.

"I know you're excited, but we need to check your injector and give you your pills. Since Zack's not here, I'll help you. Go get your med bag."

I hurry to the bedroom and get my med bag from under my bed. Giving her the bag, I take off my shirt and turn so she can get to the injector. I can hear her hum, and I can tell she's excited about Beau and Colt as well. "Hurry, mom, so I can talk to Beau."

Then the humming stops, and she's quiet. I feel her touching my injector, but I don't feel the pressure of the syringe yet. Then she asks, "Honey, have you been having trouble lately? Any blackouts? Have you been shaking?"

Shaking? Am I shaking? I look at my hands and realize that I'm shaking slightly--not badly, but it's there. There is no use hiding it now; she won't believe any lie I come up with. "A couple, not bad ones. I'm okay, mommy."

"Did you tell Zack? Did you tell anyone?"

I shake my head 'no' and begin to cry. Mom lets out a sigh and sits back in her chair, staring at me. She's mad, real mad. I don't know what to do but stand there. "What's wrong, mommy?" I whisper, knowing what is wrong but not wanting to admit it.

"Andrew Maxis Docker, I'm so disappointed in you. I don't even have the words."

"I'm sorry. Don't be mad."

"Honey, don't you understand how dangerous it is for you to keep this kind of thing secret? Your injector is broken, isn't it?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And how long have you known?"

I look down and admit softly, "At least a week."

She shakes her head in disbelief and says, "Why didn't you say something?"

"Cuz I didn't think you'd let me do the rodeo," I say drawing circles with my right big toe on the floor, then add, "I figured I could put it off; I mean, next week is the new month, so I get a new one anyway."

She thinks about what I said and sighs. She yanks me around, bends me over, and I'm expecting a spanking, so I cover my butt with my hands. But instead of the whipping I deserve, she fills my injector and turns me around. She takes my hands and says, "If you want to be a big brother, you are going to have to start taking your medical condition more seriously," she says flatly.

My mind is spinning, and I hide my shameful face in my hands. Tear drops fall from my trembling hands, and I mumble through those tears, "I'm sorry. I can be a big brother, I promise. I blacked out twice this week, and I've had the shakes a couple times, plus today. I was going to tell you, honestly."

"Honey, calm down. We'll go to the hospital and get a new one Monday. If you black out, will you tell me or your dad right away, understand?"

I nod my head as I wipe my teary face.

Twins

Catching up to Zeke in the stables, I holler up to him, "Don't ruin this for me."

Dad is holding Beau and the stall door open for our horses. Dad doesn't look too concerned at this point but asks anyway, "What happened?"

"Nothing," Zeke says as he slides off Charlie. "The conversation between Zack and Aidan was so riveting, I just couldn't stand it."

"Who's Aidan?" Dad asks, confused. Beau looks scared to death in his arms, being in the same room with us two.

"He's nobody," I snap at dad, and in return, I get that look--the look that says that I better watch my tone.

Zeke slips his gloves off one finger at a time, adding, "...didn't look like nothing. Dad, he could barely speak."

I slide off of Whisper and begin to go at him when dad yells, "Stop it! Zeke, close your mouth and keep it closed until you apologize. It wasn't too long ago that you couldn't stutter out five words in Parker's presence. Zack, stop being so touchy and secretive. We all know you have the hots for this kid. Invite him over. Show him the farm. Speaking about saying you're sorry, I think you both owe little Beau an apology for what you said to him," and he set Beau down in front of us. Beau takes one step back until he is leaning on dad's legs.

Zeke and I exchange looks, and I take a deep breath before saying, "Look, Beau, AJ is really special to us both, and sometimes we get overprotective..."

Zeke picks up where I left off without missing a beat: "...we didn't mean anything by it. We'd never hurt you. We just don't want AJ doing dangerous stuff, that's all. We're sorry."

"Yeah, we didn't mean anything by it," I say and offer my hand, which he shakes with a smile.

"Good, now that's over. Beau and Colt will be staying with us till the wedding, so everyone must get along, and if everything goes right, we'll be making it permanent."

What! My jaw dropped. "Good, I mean great. The more the merrier, I guess," I say, trying to figure out why.

"Well, it looks like we finally get to use the rest of the dining table chairs," Zeke says, trying to be funny as he ruffles Beau's hair. "Welcome to the family, little bro."

ATTENTION READERS!! Should Beau and Colt's visit to the Dockers become permanent? Email me! Let your voice be heard! I have taken fans' comments into account before in my story, and I'm not afraid to change it. Email me; it could change the future of Counting!

"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser

Chapter Text

Beau

The SUV is packed and is pulling the horse trailer. It has the twins' and AJ's horses in it, along with the one that Pop gave me named Checkers. Alice is driving, AJ is sitting next to me, a sleeping Colt is on my lap, and the twins are sitting in the way back seat. I finally got Colt to stop crying. I comb my fingers through his unkempt hair, hoping this is what's best for him. Saying goodbye to Pop was really hard. That man saved my life, and more importantly, he saved Colt's. Jack told us to call him Jack or dad, but we've never called a man dad before, so we'll stick with Jack for now, anyway, he's driving the pickup truck and hauling the camper trailer.

We've been on the road for a while, and I may not look nervous, but I am. A new house full of new people who want us to be part of their family is a lot to take in. I do feel bad about leaving Pop like that, but the old man said he wants it this way because it's what's best for us. So, we left him waving, standing next to the trailer that we'd been living in for the last two weeks. My Walmart bag sits next to the door with everything I own. I thought it was odd that Pop insisted I bring everything on this trip, but I guess now it makes sense.

Flat land and more flat land, with a great mountain ridge framing the photo landscape from miles away. It hasn't changed since we left, and it's almost been an hour. "Alice, are we close to your house?" I wonder how much longer it will be.

Alice stops singing to say, "Our house, Beau, it's our house now. You two are family now."

AJ interrupts her, giggling, "Silly, we've been on our land for about ten minutes."

"What! "You guys own all this?"

"Yeah, and you haven't seen the back forty yet. There's a camping spot, a swimming hole, and a river. We're going to have a great time showing you everything," AJ says excitedly.

Ten minutes later, the house--no, the mansion--comes into view. The long driveway gives me enough time to wake Colt and share the size of the house. He's almost as astonished as I am. It's mostly brick, with white accents and black windows. The porch is a really dark red, with white pillars holding its massive roof. It's two floors, from what I can tell, and a strange glass room on the very top. Off to the right is a six-foot-tall black fence that surrounds something. A white picket fence follows the driveway right up to the house.

Alice drives the SUV with the horse trailer around the left side of the house to a big barn. On the way, we pass a little house on the left. A man and a teenager hurry toward the SUV. "Everyone out," Alice says, taking her seatbelt off. I help Colt with his car seat as he practically bounces with excitement. AJ jumps out first and then helps Colt out of the SUV. Getting out, the teenager is standing there as if he's waiting for me--no, wait, not me.

I walk over to AJ and ask, "Who's the boy?"

AJ smiles and holds up a finger to wait. Then Zeke leaps out and into the arms of the teenager. Their kiss is long and passionate, and roaming hands find Zeke's ass. The boy squeezes it, and I swear I see Zeke flinch in pain and then smile. "That's his boyfriend, Parker," he whispers in my ear and then giggles. "They like rough sex, don't say anything," he adds, and I can't help but giggle with him before he continues, "He and his father, Hoss, are our farm hands. They run the cattle farm."

"So, you guys don't take care of your own farm?"

"Yes, we do, some of it. Dad and the twins used to be our last farm hands, but now they're family, just like you two are now," AJ says as he plays grab ass with Colt, who is giving better than he is getting. It's strange knowing that AJ is my age but is about as big as Colt, maybe a little thinner. There are three other barns besides this one, and then there is the back of the house. There is a huge deck with a hot tub on it and two glass sliding doors and a standard-sized door. Next to the deck is a three-car garage. In front of the garage are a light blue Mustang and a teenage girl washing it while wearing a swimsuit.

"That's Lana, my older sister. I have another sister, but she is evil and lives with her dad. Lana is heading to college after the twins' birthday party on Saturday. Zack gets her room," AJ says the last part with a little sadness.

"Where does he sleep now?"

AJ shrugs and says, "He sleeps with me."

I let that sink in and ask, "Where are we sleeping?"

"Don't worry, honey, you two will be sleeping with AJ. Zack and Zeke can share a room until Lana moves out Sunday," Alice says as she picks up Colt. Jack pulls up to the house, putting the camper trailer next to the deck. Alice turns around and addresses us kids, "Twins, help your father open the camper so we can unload it. AJ and Beau, help with unpacking the SUV, then help me in the camper."

AJ hurries to the back of the suburban and opens the back door. Keeping an eye on Colt, I see him over by the fence watching the cows until Jack whistles and gets his attention. Colt sees him and smiles, starts to giggle, and runs into the strong man's arms. Colt fearlessly jumps, and Jack catches him. He gives my brother a toss in the air, and Colt's giggles turn to outright laughter. I've never met a man like Jack before. He doesn't seem to want us for our bodies, he just wants us to be happy. To be honest, it's difficult to believe, but we'll see if he visits us at night or forces me to do sex stuff in the barn. This family can't be all smiles.

"Hey, um, Beau, are you going to help? I mean, if you don't want to--that's fine, I guess," AJ says meekly behind me.

I rush to help him, taking four bags from his shoulders and reassuring him, saying, "We're family, right? Of course, I'm going to help you." Our eyes meet, and his emeralds seem to add to his soft, boyish features. Damn, he's really cute. Oh my god, did I just think that? I look away but need to look into those eyes once more, and I see AJ blushing.

"Th...th...thanks, let me get more, and I'll, umm- ah, show you where they go," AJ stammers, unsure of what to say.

AJ turns and bends over to get more bags. His shirt pulls up as he reaches for a big one, showing me his shorts are sagging a couple of inches, revealing the beautiful beginning of a perfect, soft, butt crack. Visions of what he might look like naked flood my mind. My dick begins to get hard, and I panic. Not in these shorts. Hard-ons stick out like a sore thumb in these things. Cold day... old ladies.... Cold swimming... man, I bet AJ looks great in trunks, wait no! Don't think that!

"Something wrong, Beau?" Zack asks while he begins to unhook the horse trailer hitch. I follow his eyes to my crotch and see the very noticeable tent. "No, I'm fine," I say as one of the bags is shifted over my hard cock. Zack's gaze shifts to AJ's ass crack and then back to my reddening cheeks. "It's okay, Beau. You're free to be yourself here. You don't have to be a 'tough little straight boy' here. Just relax."

"I am straight, pfft. What do you mean?" I snapped at him out of pure reflex. Zack smiles and chuckles.

AJ drops down from the SUV with his arms full and says, "Come on. The sooner we finish, the sooner I can show you around." He takes off, heading to the house, and I can't help but look back at Zack, who is watching me as he has seen through my act.

Unpacking takes a while, and to be honest, Alice and Jack do most of it. We help where we can, but taking care of Colt and keeping him out of the way is probably way more helpful than putting stuff away. AJ shows us the cattle barns and lets Colt pet as many cows as he wants, which ends up being all of them. The equipment barn was next. Inside were four-wheelers, snowmobiles, the twins' dirt bikes, and the Gator. The Gator looks like a golf cart on monster wheels. It has a snowplow on it and is covered in mud and straw. There is a barn behind there, but we're not allowed in because it's full of tractors and it's dangerous.

"We have to wait for dad; trust me, you don't want to go in there," AJ says, and I see his hand slip to cover his butt like he's reliving an old memory.

We race back to the house, and as we head to his room, AJ says something strange: "There are twenty-five steps up to the second floor and twenty-three steps up to my room." We climb the stairs to the second floor, and he adds, "And whatever you do, don't run up these stairs, or you'll have to walk them fifty times, up, down, up, down... " When I looked back to see if Colt was still keeping up, he was right on my tail, clutching that bear that AJ had won him, named Gomer.

AJ looks like he's real nervous when he shows up at Zeke's, Lana's, and soon-to-be Zack's, the kid's bathroom, and his mom and dad's bedrooms. Then he stands, looking at a skinny door by his mom's room, and takes a deep breath.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I don't feel good. Come on, we've got one more room to show you," he says as he opens the door. The door opens to a very steep and skinny staircase. AJ climbs in front of me, and I can hear him counting the steps. Once we get upstairs, there is a short hallway with two doors. One of the doors has a sign on it that says, `AJ's room, please knock no matter what!' At this point, AJ is using the wall to brace himself as he opens the door.

"Maybe I should go get your mom," I ask and turn to go, but he grabs my hand and shakes his head.

"Seriously, I just need to sit down. I'll be fine."

I'm not sure I buy it, and Colt seems to be concerned as well. We enter the room, and even though we were both thinking it, Colt is the one who says, "Wow!" He runs past me and bounces from amazing sight to amazing sight. Stacks of comics, boxes of toys, a room just for Lego, a huge bed, a dresser built into the wall, and the coolest bedroom I've ever seen: three out of the four walls are glass. There are three patio doors that open to balconies, and the rest are ceiling-to-floor windows.

"Woww, Ayay, I wuv you Joey Muwphey postew abofe the bed," says Colt with a few hops of enthusiasm.

"Oh, my god! This is your room! I can't believe this is your room! A Joey Murphey and a `@ the Majestic' poster," I say to him looking around. "That's pretty lit," I mention to AJ as I walk past him.

"Yeah, the room is too big for me not to share it with someone," AJ struggles to say on his way to the bed. He takes the teddy bear that is wearing overalls off the nightstand and curls up with it in his bed. He looks terrible. I don't care what he says; I'm getting his mom. AJ doesn't resist this time, not that I stayed to ask permission; I hurry down the stairs and are running down the second-floor ones when Alice comes around the corner very upset.

"Young man, we do not run up or down my stairs!"

"It's AJ... something's wrong!"

Alice and I run back up the stairs and find Colt sitting next to AJ, who looks worse than when I left, if that is even possible. Now, his body is shaking a little, and his arms are tightly wrapped around the bear.

"Dear God, AJ, Honey, can you lie down on your stomach?" Alice asks as she sits on the bed and digs a black case with a white plus sign out of the nightstand. AJ doesn't move and looks rigid. Colt rushes into my arms, and I hold him tightly. Alice looks at us, and then she says, "Good job, Beau; now please take Colt downstairs and wait for me there." I'm honestly frozen in place when I feel Colt tugging on my hand in the direction of the door. My body moves, but I don't feel like moving, all I can think about is, what is going on?

My body must have been on autopilot, because the next thing I know, we're sitting on the couch, and Colt is crying uncontrollably on my chest. About fifteen minutes later, the back door opens, and Jack walks in. Seeing him, Colt jumps off of me and runs to Jack, who picks him up and holds him tightly. "What's wrong, little bear?" Jack looks at me, and before I know it, my face is buried in his shirt as tears stream down my cheeks. "Boys, what's wrong?"

"AJ... something...wrong," I manage to get out as I feel myself begin to cry harder. The more I speak out loud, the more upset I get. Jack looks up to the second floor and listens, then says out loud, "Dexter, drop in; AJ's room: Alice, is everything okay?"

A robotic voice from the speaker in the ceiling says, "He's fine. Find Beau and Colt; they are probably really upset."

Jack works us over to the couch, where he sits down and responds, "Dexter, drop in; AJ's room: I've got them. We're okay here too."

We cuddle with Jack for a while, and Colt sits up and looks upstairs. Jack wipes Colt's face with his shirt, and I wipe my eyes on my arms, asking in between sniffles, "Will AJ be okay?"

Jack gives Colt a little flick under his chin and answers, "Chins up boys. AJ will be fine. He's real sick and takes medicine to keep him giggly and bouncing about, but something is wrong with it and he'll get it fixed tomorrow. I bet he just overworked himself and needs a long nap. So, dry those tears. We were going to tell you, but we thought we had more time. I tell you what, would you like to come with us to the hospital tomorrow to get his medicine fixed?"

Colt and I just nod our heads, and Jack pulls us into a nice, warm hug that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.

We lay in Jack's lap until Alice rejoins us downstairs. I pop up from my comfortable lying place to ask, "Is AJ okay? Can I go see him?"

Alice smiles at me and answers, "Let's let him sleep. We'll wake him up for dinner. Will you boys help me with it?"

Alice gave Jack a plastic bowl full of potatoes and three peelers. Peelers look like knives but aren't. Jack gave me and Colt a small `how to' and we peeled till our hands hurt. Colt is covered in potato skins up to his elbows and even on his face. We have a good time, and when we're done, Jack cleans us up. Sure, I can wash my hands, but having Jack's hands wash mine is strangely relaxing.

Coming out of the bathroom, Jack picks up Colt, causing him to giggle hysterically, and they take the BBQ ribs outside to the patio to grill. I stand at the window and watch my little brother play catch with Jack. I can faintly hear him through the patio door laughing and yelling, experiencing pure joy with a man. Not hiding, hurting, or avoiding the man which is what we're used to. I'm not sure how long I stand there, but I soon hear Alice ask, "Beau, are you okay?"

I turn and wipe a loose tear that is falling down my cheek. I smile and say softly, "It's just nice to see him happy, you know?"

Alice picks me up and grunts, "Oh man, you're way heavier than AJ." She's exaggerating, but I giggle anyway. She sets me on one of the bar stools and sits on one on the other side. She takes a drink of her iced tea and stares at me with a smile. "Colt's happiness is very important to you, isn't it?"

It's an odd question, but one with an easy answer. "Yes, I've done... stuff that he can never know about, so he can be safe."

"How long has it been since he spoke?"

I kind of take offense, like I didn't raise him right or something. "He speaks!" I snap at her. Her eyebrows lift, and she stares at me as if I should think about what I said. But it's not what I said that bothers her; it's how I said it. I lower my gaze at the bar and see the notches that go down each side. My finger begins moving from notch to notch as I whisper, "Sorry." She nods her head and takes another drink. "I mean, he talks to me. I've even heard him talk to Jack, but before I met you guys, it was just safer for Colt if he could be invisible. That way, when I did-," I can feel my face blushing and my fingers sliding from notch to notch. "...stuff, the cowboys would ignore Colt."

She reaches across the bar and takes one of my hands, and my eyes look up into her striking blue ones and say, "Until that night with Mr. Dallas, right."

I pull my hand from hers, and my heart begins to beat like crazy. How does she know? Pop must have told her! Why? I can't breathe! Before I can react, she is next to me and embraces me in a mother hug. A hug that leaches stress and panic and replaces it with security and love. Love... I almost forgot what this feels like. My tears fall uncontrollably, and I am sobbing so hard I can't talk and choke on every breath.

"It's okay, Beau, let it out. You're safe here. Shhhh, let it out. Son, I know you don't want to talk about that night, but I want you to talk to a doctor friend of mine. Randy told us you refused to see a therapist back in Grizzly Valley. She not only helps AJ deal with his rape, but she also advises me on how to help him deal with it on a daily basis. She pulls at my strong arms and bends down to look me in the eyes. She thinks about her words and then wipes the tears from my face, saying, "Beau, you are very brave and strong, but it's not healthy to not talk about it and understand why you did what you did. Dr. Ford can help you, and I'd like to talk to you each day, just you and me in my office. You will be able to tell me anything, and it will never leave that room, okay?" I weakly nod my head, and she resumes our hug.

"I'm b...br...broken. I don't under...s... stand what I am, any...more."

"Honey, you're not broken. You're a brave boy who isn't afraid of making sacrifices for those he loves. Your heart is wounded, Beau, that's why we talk to the doctor."

She gently rocks me until she no longer hears my sobbing and then lets me go. She heads back into the kitchen. I stare at the bar and begin playing with the notches again, asking softly, "So, you aren't mad I did what I did? You guys don't hate me?" The thought of losing the best family I've ever met ignites panic, and the tears begin flowing again as I beg, "Please, please, keep Colt! He deserves a nice family. Please keep him happy! I'll leave-"

"Beau, stop," Alice says as she returns and places a glass of juice in front of me. "We love you both and would never get rid of you, understand? You are not broken, and you aren't going anywhere." She leans down to make eye contact again, saying, "You deserve to be happy just like Colt does, and someday, soon, you'll be past feeling like this. Come here," and she takes me into her arms again.

Eventually, we return to making dinner. We make biscuits, mashed potatoes, and green beans, and we put a cake in the oven for dessert. Alice wipes her hands on a towel and then flips it over one of her shoulders. "Honey, please go wake up AJ, so he can get around and get washed up for dinner."

"Yes, ma'am," I respond, and I head upstairs, being careful not to run. I can hear his breathing as I get into AJ's room. The setting sun lights up the room, and I can look around a little more. There is this handrail on the wall, and as I walk, I drag my hand down it, letting my fingers bounce on all the rails. Slowly, I come around the corner and see him lying on his stomach with a very thin white sheet lazily pulled up to his neck. I work myself over to his side of the bed and kneel down next to him.

His breathing is rhythmic, and I carefully reach for his shoulder to wake him. My eyes travel slowly down his back. The sheet is almost see-through on his body, and I can see some kind of square box on his lower back. Curiosity wins out, and I slowly pull the sheet back, oh so carefully, till his complete back is revealed. I can feel my breathing hasten, and it scares me a little as the sheet drops from my fingers. The white box is odd-looking and looks high-tech, with a window, some liquid moving inside, and a few different colored lights. I bite my lower lip as my eyes slip farther down, and I see what might have enticed me to pull the sheet back in the first place. His butt crack is there, barely hiding under that invisible sheet. I quickly check to see if he's still asleep, and he hasn't moved. Reaching for the sheet again, I slowly take the sheet and pull it down his body, showing me everything I want to see. I want to see it. Why am I so hard? I begin to rub my cock in my shorts, fighting the moan that wants to escape. I don't think straight boys want to see another boy like this, but I can't stop myself. His tanned body is practically glowing from the sunset. AJ is so small, skinny, and beautiful. He doesn't look like any nine-year-old that I've ever seen in the showers at school. He looks more like Colt when I give him a bath. His flawless ass is on display with his two balls, roughly the same size as mine, lazily laying on the bed beneath his soft taint. I gently placed my hand on his ass and grip it. It's so firm and soft.

"Mhmmmm," moans AJ, and I freeze, listening to his breathing. I close my eyes and question what I'm doing. It's so wrong! I'm not supposed to feel like this, and then my finger slips in his crease, and I gently give it some pressure, so it slides all the way to his butthole. AJ moans a really long and erotic sound. I swipe my finger across his hole, and his hips twitch in response. I watch as his little balls move around and his hips grind his hidden cock into the bed. I've never sucked a boy off, but it's all I can think about right now as my tongue licks my lips.

"Your, um, finger is in my butt," AJ murmurs as he moans once more. "It feels really good," he adds, turning his head to look at me. I pull it out and jump up to my feet.

AJ sits up and sits cross-legged with the corner of the sheet covering his very hard and... and... "Jesus, your dick is way bigger than mine!" I say this unexpectedly out loud, feeling a little underdeveloped. The tenting sheet barely covers his hardened member.

AJ blushes and strokes it a couple of times. "Do you think so?"

As I begin to walk around the bed to return downstairs, I say, "Wait, I shouldn't ask! I shouldn't care! I shouldn't have done that; I'm sorry!"

"Stop, what's wrong?" AJ asks in protest.

I stop and whisper, "I was always told being straight is good and being gay is bad, but since I met you..." I turn my head to steal another peek at his at least four-inch cock, which is standing harder than anything I've ever seen. "...and now I have these feelings. How did you know you were gay?"

AJ thinks about it and then motions me back to the bed. I crawl onto the bed and sit cross-legged in front of him. I lay my hand across my hard three-incher and AJ sits and smiles at me before saying, "Do you trust me?"

"Huh, I guess so."

AJ scoots over to me as close as he can get without sitting on my lap. "If I help you with this, you have to promise not to hate me or freak out, okay?" I nod and can feel his breath on my face. I close my eyes, enjoying the closeness, and suddenly, without warning, a warm, wet sensation encircles my lips. I open my eyes and see AJ locking lips with me. My body goes weak, and I can feel his arms wrapping around me. Cradling my head, his lips begin to move, and I can feel his tongue slide back and forth across my lips. His motion relaxes my nervousness, and my lips part. His tongue glides in my mouth, and I realize I want more. I reach for his cock, and the sensation propels him forward. His grip tightens, and our tongues wrap around each other as I stroke his glorious, rigid cock and his loose, soft balls.

"Mhmmm," AJ moans, and I feel his body jerk. He holds on to me firmly while I give him a much-needed orgasm.

"So, AJ is awake, I see," one of the twins says behind me, making me jump and pull away from AJ. He's leaning against the wall, smirking as he watches us.

"How long were you watching?" I instinctively blurt out.

"Zeke! You have to knock when you enter my room!"

"I didn't think you were teaching a clinic on kissing. Damn, Zack taught you well," Zeke says, chuckling. "I'm getting hard over here."

A pillow flies over my head, and Zeke bats it out of the air. "Get out!" AJ shouts, and Zeke makes kissing sounds as he leaves. He yells back to us that we're eating soon and to hurry up and finish.

I'm mortified and want to leave, but AJ hurries to grab my arm before I leave the room. I can't look at him, but I stop to listen to what he has to say. "I'm sorry, my brother is an asshole, and I know you're embarrassed, but ask yourself this: Did you enjoy the kiss? Why did you stroke me? Answer that, and you'll know if you're gay. Being gay isn't good or bad. The twins and I don't act differently from any of our other friends. You're still Beau; it doesn't change you. It frees you. It took me a while to accept that I am this way and that there is nothing wrong with that," AJ says, letting go of my hand. "I better get dressed. Mom doesn't like me at the dinner table naked."

I stand there, not moving, just thinking. Thinking about seeing his body practically glow, feeling his butt, and rubbing his hole. That kiss--what was with that kiss? It made me feel...

Coming down the stairs, I hear AJ close the bathroom door behind me. One of the twins--hell, I can't tell them apart yet--says hey and pats my back as he walks past, heading to the bathroom upstairs. I see him react when he sees me blush and avoid eye contact. I just turn ninety degrees, head to the living room couch, and sit down.

Memories of the kiss I wasn't expecting distract my mind, and I don't see Colt jump and land on my lap. "Oomph, hey buddy. Did you have fun outside?"

"Jack payd catch wif me and I catch the ball lots!" He says it excitedly. I tickle him, and he giggles until Alice tells us to clean up for dinner.

Before I get up, I stand him up and tell him as seriously as I can, "Colt, this is a good family with nice people. You can talk to them."

He looks past me and at the others in the room, then asks, "I'm awowed to talk to tem?"

"Yes, Colt, they're our family now."

"The Universe is Made of Stories, Not of Atoms" -Muriel Rukeyser

Chapter Text

AJ

Long after we sat down for dinner and after we had a movie night, Beau fell asleep on Dad, Colt fell asleep on Beau, and I cuddled up on Colt and drifted off, I woke up in my bed in a dark room. I roll over on my side and stare at the green, glowing, blurry circles on the ceiling. I know they’re stars and planets from my memories, but without my glasses, which are across the bed on the other nightstand, I hope, all I have to go on are my memories.

The silence of the room surrounds me, and at times like now, I feel the most alone. There is no soft rhythm to Zack’s breathing or the slight heat from his breath on my neck. I can’t even hear myself breathing or the breathing of the two boys laying inches away from me. I roll over on my shoulder and look into the blurry form of Beau and wonder:

‘Did I mess up?’

‘Does he hate me for the kiss I took a chance on?’

‘Has my leap of faith cost me a new friend?’

When the silence becomes too much to bear and my nervousness builds too much, I whisper, not expecting an answer, "Are you mad at me?"

Suddenly, Beau rolls over and stares into my eyes. I’m afraid to move, and his steel-like eyes lock onto me. Then his mouth moves, whispering something. ‘No, tat hat?’ What? ‘Jot bad?' Damn, I hate reading people’s lips when they whisper. Beau’s eyes move again, and I can tell he realizes that I can’t hear him. He sits up and carefully reaches for the nightstand on Colt’s side of the bed. Laying back down on his side, he hands me my hearing aid. I plug it in and lay back down, getting as close to Beau as I can.

Our faces are inches apart, and we can feel each other breathing. It’s super relaxing. I search deep into his eyes, looking for anything that lets me know if he feels the same way about me as I do about him.

"No, not mad," he softly whispers.

Of course, duh, I’ve got to get better at reading lips. "Did you enjoy the kiss?"

He stares at me, and he fidgets a little, saying softly, "Yeah, I did, but something tells me that you can melt anyone with that kiss of yours."

Feeling a little embarrassed and confused by his answer, I ask softly, "But..."

"Look," he whispers and checks on Colt. Seeing Colt is still asleep, he continues, "Colt is the only thing that matters to me. I’ve seen a lot of boys our age naked at school, and tons of men. None of them made me feel like you do when you look at me. AJ, I’m confused about what those feelings mean to me. It scares me. I sometimes feel like you can see right through me."

We stare into each other’s eyes, and he slowly gets closer. I can feel his stiff cock rubbing on mine, and soon he will have to turn his head so our noses don’t touch. As our lips touch, I feel his tongue licking my upper lip. Tenderly at first, then our mouths open, and we get lost in being one. I wrap my arm around him and pull him as close as I can. My hand explores the small of his back and slides down inside his underwear. I time my kissing rhythm with my hand caressing his plump butt cheeks. Needing them and pulling one to open his rosebud. I pull his underwear under his butt and work my way to the front. My hand brushes his hard, stiff pole, making him jump, and he pushes me off the bed!

I land with a thud on my bare ass. "Hey!" I protest a little angry.

Beau looks over the edge of the bed and whispers, "Shh, you’ll wake Colt."

"Why did you push me?"

Beau just looks scared. It seems like he wants to do something, but something is stopping him. He begins to talk again, but nothing comes out. I stand up, totally confused, and lift the sheet to get back into bed. As soon as I lay down, he gets close and whispers, "I’m sorry, I’m just not ready to be touched... down there."

Now that I’m close to him, I can see he’s crying as he lays his hands flat on my chest. His hands are warm and trembling. I lay my hands on his, mimicking him, and feel his racing heartbeat. He shakes his head and begins to draw his hands back. I grab them and whisper, "If anyone understands, it’s me. My father raped me on my eighth birthday, and he videotaped it. It was bad. I couldn’t have anyone touch me there for a long time either. Shortly after I moved here, an eighth grader found the video on the Dark Web and got the idea to rape me in the bathroom to entertain his friends." I kiss his hands as he listens to my story, and at the end, I’m sobbing as I add, "Zach was there for me; I want to be there for you. Don’t push me away."

Beau nods and leans his head forward, whispering, "I’m sorry your dad did that."

I angled my forehead until it touched his, responding, "…yeah, me too." I hold his hands and watch him close his eyes as tears stream down our faces. Soon he falls asleep, and I follow him to dreamland. Hopefully, I will meet him there, and we will have a good time.

Beau

My eyes flicker open, and my arm reaches for Colt to find an empty bed. I sit up and shield my eyes from the morning sun that fills the room like a lighthouse. "Maybe this room isn’t the best one ever. Where are the curtains?" I asked no one in the room. Where is AJ? Where is my little brother?

I stand up and rub my eye as I yawn. Next to the bed, the nightstand has AJ’s teddy bear with the overalls back in its resting place. His hearing aids and glasses are missing, and on the floor are Colt’s Sesame Street underwear, with brown streaks on the bottom—yuck—lying inside-out. That means my brother is running around naked, sigh. I hurry down the stairs and round the corner to head to the first floor, but then I hear Colt giggling in the bathroom. I lean against the door and hear AJ and Colt talking with the shower running. Pinching my legs together, I’m reminded that I haven’t peed all night.

I knock on the door, and AJ yells back, "We’re still in the shower! Can we do my medicine after?"

"It’s me, AJ; I have to pee real bad."

"Go downstairs."

I start the pee-pee dance and knock on the door with my forehead, speaking with each knock, "AJ. Not. In. My. Underwear!"

I hear them giggling, and then Colt says, "Otay, my bwover can coom in and pee," and the door unlocks and opens a little to reveal a bare-naked Colt running back to the shower covered in soap suds.

I shut the door and pull my yellow underwear down just enough to get my morning wood out to pee. "Colt, why are you taking a shower with AJ? I always give you a shower."

AJ cranes his neck to see my dick until he sees me notice, and he goes back to washing Colt’s back with some kind of fluffy scrubber. "Sorry, Beau, I just knew you had a hard time sleeping, so I planned on letting you sleep. I was only trying to help."

My need to pee finally overrides my embarrassment at letting AJ see my little dick, and I sigh in relief as the pee hits the toilet. "Thanks for helping AJ. It’s just the first time I, um," I begin to shake my dick to get all the extra pee out.

AJ says as he rinses all the suds off Colt, "Don’t shake it more than three times, or you’re playing with it."

"What?" I ask, trying to count how many times I've already shaken it in my head.

AJ laughs and shakes Colt by the shoulders to make his little dick flop around, saying, "It’s just something Zack used to tell me to make me stop playing with it. I’ve always liked to see it swell and grow hard."

"That’s understandable, you have quite a lot to watch," I grumble as I push my little dick into my underwear. The shower turns off and the two naked birds come giggling out, so I sit down on the bench next to Gomer and watch AJ’s long, dick swing as he dries Colt with a big, fluffy towel. Seeing his soft dick as long as my hard-on is upsetting. When will mine get that long? They play back and forth, and I can’t help but eventually smile at the goofiness. Soon there is a knock at the door.

"AJ, honey, are you ready?" Alice calls out from the other side of the door.

"Yes, Mom, come in," and before I could remind him that he and Colt are naked, Alice walks in. She walks in and acts like she sees three boys, two of them naked, in a bathroom every morning.

I blush and toss the towel to Colt, who tosses it to AJ. "Colt, cover up with it! It’s not polite to be naked in front of a lady," I harshly whispered to him.

"Now, Beau, I appreciate it, but you’re little boys, so I think that’s allowed," and she gives a wink that makes Colt blush from head to toe. AJ bends down doggy style and rests his hands on the toilet, pointing his perfect butt at me. His rosy butt cheeks naturally parted, exposing his little pink star. I blush at thoughts of how it must taste and how tight it probably is. I mean, it has to taste better than a man’s butt. I used to hate that so much. AJ’s butthole looks so soft and clean, not like a man’s. There is all stinky and hairy.

AJ turns to me, bringing me out of my ‘AJ versus man butthole’ comparison, and smiles, looking a little embarrassed. At first, I thought maybe Alice was going to spank him, with how he was positioned and all. I had a cowboy that liked to spank me doggy style till I was red and crying, then he'd fuck me until he had to hold me up. I shake the memory from my head, telling myself, I’m not like that anymore, just in time to see Alice stick a full syringe into the white box on AJ’s back. Colt climbs on my bench to get a better view as he plays with his little penis.

I stand up to watch, and Alice side-eyes me and smiles, instructing us, "See, the syringe is putting the medicine into the injector on his back."

"Does it huwt, A-yay?" Colt asks worriedly.

"No, honey, he doesn’t even feel it. The box has a tube that connects to his spine. Do you know what that is?"

Whether he knows or not, Colt nods all the same. He stops playing with his penis, puts his fingers in his mouth, and asks, "A-yay, does dat medashin make you feewl bedder?"

"Yeah, Colt, well, when it’s working, it does," AJ answers him.

Alice lightly slaps his butt, warning him, "…and when he gets a new one, he’ll be all better. Hopefully, for AJ’s sake, the hospital will tell me he didn’t break this one." She puts a lot of different pills into a little cup and then hands AJ the cup. He takes the pills and uses the drinking fountain on the vanity to fill his mouth with water and swallow them. He shows Alice his empty mouth, and she motions for Colt and AJ to leave, saying, "Okay, you two giggle monsters. Let’s let Beau enjoy his shower. Come downstairs and have breakfast with the rest of us when you’re done, Beau."

The door shuts, and I take my yellow underwear off and toss them in the hamper with a light blue ‘AJ’ on the front. I sit down on the bench and breathe, thinking about how a real family looks. I almost feel like everything that I’ve always been afraid of in my old life doesn’t exist here, and it kind of scares me.

I will admit that it was nice showering alone. I didn’t have to entertain Colt or try to get him to stop dancing in the water. I am able to get all washed and just stand there until the water turns cold. I get out and dry off, then wrap the towel around my body. I open the door and head upstairs, but then I remember that I don’t have any clean clothes. So, I do what I have to do.

"AJ!" I yell downstairs towards the kitchen. "… can I borrow some clothes?"

"Yeah, of course, the underwear is in the drawers at the bottom."

"Thanks," I holler back.

Heading upstairs, I go to the wall with the dresser. I take my towel off and toss it on the bed. I play with my dick for a little while, sliding the foreskin up and down. Soon my breathing quickens, and I feel the soft, warm feeling that extends from my body, so I let out the air I’m holding in that I didn’t even know about in a long moan. I turn and lean against the wall with a little thud. Faster and faster, I move my foreskin over my shaft, and my dick begins to swell. I open my knees, and my finger from my free hand finds my rosebud. Rubbing it in small circles, it loosens and my finger slides in, then it happens.

The same thing happens every time I get this far, and instead of a glorious orgasm, I get memories of Dallas painfully wrenching my legs wider and wider so he can ram his cock in me. I let go of my dick and hold my head as he pushed and pushed. The pain was indescribable, and the memory is so strong that I can still feel it. I squeeze my legs together tightly, and tears flow down my face. I can’t breathe as he chokes me while he moans and tells me how tight I am. I fight for air. I fight to assure my body that it’s not real. That it’s all in my mind. Dallas is gone. He can’t hurt me anymore. Suddenly the memory is gone, just as fast as it came.

I lay on the floor to catch my breath. "He can’t hurt me. I don’t have to let men fuck me anymore," I say out loud to convince myself that I’m safe. I’m safe. At least until the next time I start to play and the orgasm creeps up on me, triggering the next Cowboy flashback. They feel so real. How do I ever break free? How do I explain to AJ that I’m broken?

My empty stomach forces me to stand up and get dressed. I open the dresser and look over his clothes. Damn it, I forgot about him being so small. None of this will fit me. I pick up a pair of underwear and think that I’m not even sure these will fit Colt. How does his dick fit in these, and what happens if he gets a boner? What am I going to do now?

AJ

Mom, Colt, and I are sitting in the breakfast nook, eating eggs and bacon with the leftover biscuits from last night's supper. Mom just got after me for tickling Colt's butt while we are eating cuz he might choke. I guess she’s right, but he started it by pinching mine. The kitchen door opens, and the twins pile inside. They’re wearing their barn clothes, which look like onesies. They unzip them and climb out, then toss them outside on the porch. Both of them are only wearing boxers now, and as they move about the kitchen, I watch the movement of their dicks swinging back and forth. Drooling just a little, I realize their little free-balling display is affecting me between my legs. For fear that Colt will see it, I push it down and hold it between my legs. As I check to see if Colt has seen my woody, I notice that he’s been playing with himself this whole time and has worked himself into quite a nice little boner.

I giggle at the size and shape of his little hard willie, and he looks at me and giggles too. He pushes it down and lets it spring back to its original position, sticking straight out from his very small balls. I smile at his openness and release mine, letting it flop up against my stomach. His eyes go wide, and he wiggles back and forth without taking his eyes off mine. I copy him, and it feels nice to have someone watch me. I’m not sure how long we play with our hard-ons, but Mom gets up to get the twins breakfast, and she warns me, "Stop playing with it and eat, or you’ll lose this privilege."

Colt and I sit up and work on our eggs, all the while giving each other side-eye looks and giggles. Beau walks into the kitchen without a shirt on, and his shorts from yesterday are sagging really low. Like, I think his dick is the only thing keeping them on. "I thought you were going to get dressed in some of my clothes?" I ask with a mouth full of eggs.

Mom guides Beau to the table and sets a dish full of bacon and three eggs in front of him. He digs in and responds with an equally full mouth, "None of your clothes will fit me. You and Colt wear the same size of underwear, I think. There was no way I was squeezing into a pair of those."

"Oh, I’m sorry none of my stuff fits you," I say with a little more sorrow and shame than I intended to show.

"Don’t worry, honey; Zack be a dear, and when you’re done eating, please go find a shirt that’s too small and give it to Beau. After the hospital trip, we’ll go shopping for Beau and Colt. I’m thinking you need more than a few pairs of underwear and clothes."

Beau blushes a little, I think, but with him just getting out of the shower, it’s hard to tell. I shift my plate next to Beau, scoot my bare butt closer to him, and whisper, "You look really nice."

He looks down his well-defined and muscled chest to his old, dirty shorts and asks, "In these dirty shorts?" And when no one is paying attention to us, I lean over and give him a peck on the cheek. His hand instinctively goes to his cheek as if to hold the fading kiss from falling off as he blushes for real this time.

He turns his face to me, and I whisper again, this time kind of embarrassed, "You look nice."

"You’re, um, you’re naked, and you’ve got a boner," he says loudly enough for the table to hear. I’m not sure if he was warning me that my dick was erect or that somehow, I didn’t know that I was bare-naked at the breakfast table.

"Luk, A-yay, and I awe bof naked," Colt says, standing up on his seat and swinging his little penis back and forth. Too bad he has since lost his stiffness; it would have been way funnier, but we all laughed pretty hard, except Beau, until Mom spoke up.

"Colt, we don’t stand on the bench; please sit down."

Beau looks shocked and asks softly, "Why are you guys naked?"

Mom cleans off Colt’s face and picks up the random pieces of egg that he dropped on the table while saying, " AJ has decided to enjoy running around naked. I, on the other hand, don’t like him at family functions without clothes. So we compromised; since Lana is normally gone to work in the mornings, it would be okay if he was naked at the breakfast table since it’s just him and me most of the time anyway. He also has free range upstairs to ‘run free’ if he chooses." She helps Colt around the table and pats his little bare bottom, making him giggle, and she continues, "This morning, Colt said he would like to try it, and as long as they behaved, I didn’t see an issue with it."

"Yeah! Let’s get naked!" The twins shout at the same time, and they jump to their feet.

Mom turns and covers her eyes, laughing, "Oh, no! You two aren’t little boys anymore! You’re lucky I let you walk around in your boxers."

Even Beau laughs at that, and I laughed so hard I almost peed.

After a quick trip to the bathroom, where Colt and I shared the toilet, we raced up to my room to get dressed. Beau is sitting on the bed with his arms in Zack’s old tee shirt, and Colt leaps on him. "Colt, you sure are giggly this morning," he says, struggling to finish putting on the oversize tee.

Zack is over by the dresser getting my clothes out and sets them on the bed like he does every morning. I jump on the bed and tackle Colt gently. He hops on me, and Beau tickles his sides, making him giggle and wiggle all over me.

Zack doesn’t say anything; he just walks past and lets us play until he sees the ring and its chain on the lampshade. "Hey, why aren’t you wearing this?" He asks, holding it up for all of us to see.

Zack

"We’re not boyfriends anymore," AJ snaps back, instantly choking up and fighting back his tears. "You won’t even do sex stuff with me anymore!" The floodgates have now been opened. The two other boys blankly stare at me to see what I’ll do. So, I walk over to AJ, take him by the hand, and lead him to a pair of rickety kiddy chairs.

"Sit down," I command him. AJ sits down, and I do the same, taking his hand. I drop the ring in his hand and say, "Look, this ring doesn’t have anything to do with us being boyfriends, and it definitely doesn’t have anything to do with us having sex. I didn’t give it to you to get you to have sex with me! I knew you didn’t understand when I gave it to you. That is one of three rings. They are all Zeke and I have left of our father. I gave you that ring to make you one of us, a brother. All Colter males get one. To symbolize my promise to you to always be there for you and to protect you no matter the cost to me, to us." Now it’s my turn to tear up. The other two boys have sat down and are locked onto every word. "You wear the ring to tell the world you’re a ‘Colter’ and it best leave you alone." I look to Beau, who is holding Colt, and finish by saying, "That goes for you two now as well. We’ll have to get you rings also."

AJ takes the ring, puts it over his head, and hugs me. Before I can react, the other two rush over and hug me with so much force, the chair collapses from the weight. Oh well, it’s a cheap chair anyway. We all get up from the floor, with the three little ones laughing at the chair. "You boys best get dressed," I mention to them as I pick up the chair and walk out of the room.

As I leave, I hear, "I wike it hewe, Beau. I luv Ayay and evewyone else!"

"That’s great, Colt. Come on, let's get you dressed. We don’t want to make Alice mad."

"Yeah, trust me, that’s a bad idea," AJ agrees with Beau as he looks over the underwear, shorts, and tee-shirt combo that I just left on the bed for him.

Beau

We all get dressed and head downstairs, where Alice herds us into the Chevrolet Suburban. AJ and I get Colt strapped into his car seat, and AJ gets in his and latches it by the time we get out of the driveway. The drive is pretty uneventful. AJ is real quiet on the drive to the hospital. He told me once that he’s got a lot of bad memories there.

The hospital was boring; we didn’t get to watch as much as Jack had thought. I held Colt's hand, and we sat on a couch/bench outside the room. We heard AJ scream once, but the room fell silent soon after. Thirty minutes later, AJ and Alice came out of the room, Colt rushed into his arms, and Alice gave me a hug. I guess she thought I needed one.

Anyway, the suburban is pulling into a random parking spot in front of a store full of clothes in the windows called 'Natties'. AJ seems excited, and that energy bleeds over to the rest of us. He practically dances inside, with Colt hopping up and down next to him. AJ is acting so differently.

"It’s the injector," Alice says as she holds the door open for me.

"Huh?"

"His injector is fixed, and he’s back to his old self. Things are about to get crazy. See, he’s not feeling sick all the time or fighting to stay positive," she says with a little hug. We stand at the door as AJ and Colt play an odd form of tag where they use the clothes racks as safe zones. "Go on, Beau, go play."

I look up at her, and she smiles and gives me a nod. I smile back and join the game. As I run off to run in and out of the racks, trying not to be tagged, I hear, "Well hello, Alice, how are you all doing? What'd you been up to?"

She was a black lady of about Alice’s height in a black, with yellow polka-dots, dress. I could tell right away that she was a real nice person. Alice makes an open-arm gesture towards us kids playing and says, "We’re in trouble. I’ve got two new bouncing boys with no clothes." She grabs Colt as he runs by, and he explodes in giggles when she lifts him up on her hip. "This one is Colt; he’s seven. The one playing with AJ is Beau." She calls for us to come to her, and we stop running. "I’ll take Colt, Nattie; can you take Beau and measure him for me?"

"Sure thing, sugar," Nattie says, showing us the way.

"AJ, stay with Nattie and behave yourself," she said with a smile, but by the look on AJ’s face, it was more of a warning.

"This way, my two sweet things," Nattie says, and she heads to the back corner. AJ is right on her heels and waves at me to hurry. There are like a million different clothes here, on racks, in folded piles, and on mannequins. These clothes are real nice. I’ve never been able to afford these kinds of clothes for me or Colt. AJ must have caught me gawking, and he takes me by the hand, pulling me to the measuring area. It’s a small stand with three mirrors on one side. There is a little shelf with lots of tape measurers, scissors, thread, sewing needles, and a notepad. She motions for me to get on the stool, so I climb on. I fidget with the part of my shorts that is over my dick without realizing it, but soon my erection sends a chill through my bones as I see it in three mirrors.

"Let’s take this oversized shirt off," Nattie says while she pulls my shirt over my head.

"AJ," I say, worried that she can see my woody. I hear some movement, and when the shirt clears my head, I see AJ standing in front of me with his hands covering my hard-on. This makes me even harder, but it is cool of him to hide my dick from Nattie.

"Sugar, hold your arms out, and I’ll get this over with as fast as we can," she says with the nicest voice that I’m sure was made for singing. She holds a measuring tape from my neck to my wrist, then does the other arm. She wraps the tape around my chest and waist, then writes down some measurements on her notepad.

AJ looks worried again and whispers to me, "Close your eyes; this next part is going to feel... uncomfortable for you, but she has to do your, um, crotch."

What! "Hold on, this won’t hurt you, but little boys always say it feels weird," she warns me, and AJ takes my hands, holding them tightly.

I close my eyes and feel her hand hold the tape to my ankle, then slide it up my leg and inches from my nuts. She slows down and feels around my balls, and I look at AJ with pleading eyes. He’s sympathetic and holds my hands tighter, saying, "She’s almost done."

To his word, I feel her hand slip off my balls and up to my taint. In the mirror, I can see her look up at the tape and then let go, and with that, I let go of the breath I’m holding in. "There you go, Sugar, all done. Just let me get a look at the tag inside your shorts," Nattie says, and I spin around looking terrified.

"There’s no reason to be afraid, young man."

I wave AJ over with one hand as I hold my hard-on down with the other one. He climbs on the box, and Nattie watches, questioning what’s going on. I whisper to him while keeping an eye on her, "AJ, I’m not wearing underwear; none of your briefs fit me." AJ giggles and looks down at my dick, and I whisper, "Don’t let her look, please."

He nods and works his way to my butt and pulls my shorts open, then asks, "What numbers do you need?"

Nattie explains to AJ what she needs, and with a little tugging and fishing around, AJ tells her the numbers she wants. She turns around and heads to some clothes racks. I feel a pinch on my ass and a little giggle next to my ear.

I turn around, saying, "Did you pin…" then AJ locks his lips around my open mouth and his tongue slips down mine, causing my head to fill with fog. Our tongues dance from my mouth to his and then meet in the middle, where they slowly and sexually move over each other. I’ve had to kiss a lot of men, but wanting to kiss AJ has changed how I feel about kissing. My tense muscles relax, and when he pulls away, I smile.

He blushes and shyly whispers, "That’s your reward, okay?"

I smile at him and gently place my hand on his chest. He smiles back, and I tell him, "You’re it."

Alice

I can hear AJ and Beau laughing and the sound of their shoes running on the store’s hardwood floor. I think maybe a trip to the park is in order before we head home to burn off some of that energy. Colt giggles in my hands as I undress him for the third time. His underwear is in shambles, and every time I touch it or have to pull it back up because the waistband is about all stretched out, I’m afraid it will just turn to pieces.

"Can I gow pay wif A-yay and Bwo, pwese?" Colt asks, and suddenly he squirrels around like he has no bones.

"Oh, Colt, honey, let me get you dressed," I tell him as I fight my own laugh trying to get him to hold still long enough to get him decent. He dashes off, almost running into Nattie, who dodges him with expert skill. We laugh and watch the boys weave in and out of the racks. After a few seconds, I ask, "Did he hold still long enough for you to find out how big he is?"

She laughs and gives me a half smile, saying, "I’m not sure still is the right word, Alice, frozen in place is more accurate. Little AJ, bless his heart, held his hand to try and keep him calm." She shows me the rack of clothes that are Beau’s size. We go over the different styles quickly, putting together a few outfits for summer, play, family outings, and underwear—lots of different kinds of underwear. Nattie makes a few notes. She puts five complete outfits for each boy in bags, and I order ten more for each boy, plus lots of underwear.

We head back to the Suburban, and we all head to the toy store across the street. "Hi Ben," I cheerfully say as I release the boys in another store.

"Why, hello, Mrs. Docker. I see your numbers have tripled. What can I do for you?"

"Yes, Beau is nine, and Colt is seven. What is popular nowadays?"

He asks, "Isn’t young AJ nine?"

I pick up a baseball glove and set it back down, saying, "Well, AJ... AJ is different." Speaking of the devil, we find AJ playing with a puzzle box in the education section. His fingers move fluidly over the box's surface. It looks to be made of wood and is stained in many different colors. There is a Japanese-looking design on the sides with a Japanese dragon in a circle carved into the top. The puzzle box’s container has ‘For Adults with an IQ Over 140’ printed on its lid.

"I’m sorry, son," says Ben as he reaches for a toy closer to a nine-year-old's IQ level. “Let’s get something closer to your age level.” Then we both hear a click, and the puzzle box opens.

"Look, Mom!" He celebrates by handing me the prize that was inside the box—a fifty-dollar bill. I look at Ben with a shocked look on my face. The sounds of Beau and Colt playing the next row over grab his attention, and he’s off to pretend to sound interested in baseball, basketball, spaceships, and laser swords.

"I didn’t think anyone could ever open it. It’s sat on that shelf for ten years with no winners," Ben says, a little lost for words.

Handing Ben, the puzzle box, I say, "See, different. I don’t have any normal toys at our house for nine- and seven-year-olds."

Ben recovers from the shock and smiles, hands me two notepads with pencils, and says, "Here, take these, and have the boys write down what they want. I’ll deliver it."

I thank him and go looking for the boys. I see AJ chasing Colt with a spaceship in his hand. I find Beau one row over in a more girlish section. He’s staring at something in his hand. The creak in the floor from my feet makes him jump, and he quickly, almost in a panic, bobbles with something and turns to me, looking absolutely embarrassed and terrified.

"I was, um, just, um, I’m sorry. I was just looking; I know I’m not supposed to like it, but..." he pleads as he begins to tear up and shake. I walk up to him, pull him into a hug, and tell him it’s okay. "Don’t tell; please, don’t tell anyone. What’s wrong with me?" I comfort the boy the best I can in response to his pleas for forgiveness for a crime that isn’t one. I look past him at the tipped-over bottles of nail polish and sigh.

After two hours of running around the toy store and an hour at the park, we are finally on our way home. With the back of the SUV full of boxes of toys, bags of clothes, and a small bag with red, purple, and blue nail polish bottles in it sitting next to me, a lot should be on my mind, but the only thing I can think about at this moment is how the view in my rear view mirror fills me with pride.

Three soundly sleeping boys.

Three truly innocent boys.

Three different boys.

Three strangers.

Three brothers.

Three friends.

Three sons.

Chapter Text

Beau

"Beau?"

"…"

"Beau, can I ask you a few questions while you draw?"

"…"

My crayon scratches the paper as I draw my family before... before... he happened. I don’t want to talk about it, so when she asked me if I would draw her some pictures, I said sure, but now she wants to ask me questions. "…I guess. It doesn't mean I’ll answer them," I mumble to her as I pick another crayon.

"That’s okay, your friend AJ wouldn’t talk to me at all for about a week before he felt comfortable. You’ve already said eight words to me, so, so far, so good," she says sarcastically as she writes something in her notepad. “By the way, I really like your nails,” she adds as her pencil moves quickly across the page. For some reason I look at my purple and red finger nails like I forgot they were painted. I catch myself smiling and then the weight of why I’m here crushes me, so I go back to my drawing.

Dr. Ford smiles at me, puts her notepad down on the table, and looks at what I’m drawing. The first drawing she asked me to draw for her is of my family before everything went wrong. My strokes are smooth and careful as I draw my brother. Blues, reds, and yellows mix together to make up my brother’s hidden innocents.

"You and your little brother have been with the Dockers for a few days now, can you tell me how today started? It's an easy exercise. Just tell me what you did when your eyes opened and walk me through your morning."

A mischievous smile breaks my moody attitude as I remember how my day started. "Are you sure you want to know? I mean, you might not want to hear it," I tell her as I work feverishly on my picture. She reminds me of what she said: that I can tell her anything and she can never tell anyone else. So, I continue, "Okay, you asked for it..."

1:28 am

Early That Morning

AJ’s eyes flicker open and close a few times. I hold my legs together and pinch my dick closed so I don’t pee my new underwear. "AJ, please wake up. I need to pee, and walking around your house at night alone is creepy."

His eyes open a little, and AJ sees me hand him his glasses. He sluggishly puts them on and sits up. "Beau, what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" He asks as he rubs his eye and yawns.

I point to my dick and me holding it. He gets my meaning, and we work our way over to the nightstand. AJ hooks his hearing aid in his ear and grabs his iPhone, turning on the flashlight. After a brief moment of him counting the balusters again, we head down the stairs. "You’ve got to get comfortable walking to the bathroom by yourself. Doing these late-night pee breaks is killing me," he whispers, then yawns.

"I’m sorry, AJ, I just don’t like the dark; don’t make fun of me."

We tiptoe down the hall, and suddenly AJ stops almost at Zeke’s door. He holds up his hand, and I freeze. I franticly look around and search for what startled him. "What is it? I don’t see anything."

"Shh, listen," he whispers, and then he messes with his hearing aid. I can see he is connecting it to his phone. He giggles and points toward Zeke’s door. I hold my breath and focus on my hearing. There is heavy breathing and moaning coming from the bedroom. I giggle, and we both kneel down next to the door. Now, I can hear them really well.

Twins

Zeke and I lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. My thoughts are stopping me from sleeping, and being this close to Zeke, they are stopping him from sleeping also. It had to happen; one of us had to break and say, "Zack, fuck dude, you have to sleep somewhere else. Your thoughts are driving me nuts."

"Sorry, I don’t have an empty head like you do. There is a lot on my mind. AJ, Beau, you, Parker, and Aidan, there is just too much to worry about."

"When was the last time you had sex? That’s your problem; you’ve got blue balls."

"What? You’re an idiot," I answer him, knowing that is probably the issue.

Zeke rolls up on his elbow and looks at me. I can feel it coming off him in waves of lust. My breath becomes shorter, and I begin to get tingles when we share feelings. "Stop it, Zeke, It’s 1:30 in the morning."

"Yeah, that means everyone is asleep. Don’t tell me you don’t want to play. I can feel it. Your restlessness. Your wanting. Have you and Aidan done it yet?"

I roll on my side and sigh when I respond, "No, he’s never had sex. He is just scared. We’ve got close, but he just can’t relax and let himself enjoy it. He freaks out when my hand slips under his underwear band.”

"That sucks, so only kissing, huh?" Zeke asks as he slowly works his way to my naked groin. My cock hardens, and as his lips tease my most sensitive area, I breathe in with short, quick breaths as the warm, wet feeling of the inside of Zeke’s mouth fills me with not only my sensations but what he feels as well.

My warm, smooth cock slides in and out of his mouth. The need to get it deeper and deeper is stronger every time he bottoms out on my pubic hair. When he tastes my precum, it lights something in me that drives me to want more. He’s more savage than I remember. His technique is different; it’s better but scarier. He’s more like controlled chaos. His lust washes over me, and I grip the sheets with everything I have. I want—no, I need—him.

He hikes up my butt, putting me at his mercy. My five-and-three-quarter-inch cock slips from his mouth and slaps against my belly. He hungers for me; it’s the oddest feeling coming from him. In the past, he was always playful; it was like a game. Sex was just a way to get off, but now he seems to crave it. I can’t separate our feelings, and it’s making it hard for me to think.

Zeke plunges his tongue deep into my ass. Licking, lapping, biting, poking, and scratching at my little dark brown star to get it to open. My eyes roll back in my head, and all I can do is moan loudly. He stops momentarily to toss a pillow on my head and whispers, "Bite this, you’ll wake up dad and mom."

Then he goes back to work, and biting the pillow is the only thing stopping me from waking everyone up. He comes up for air and says with bated breath, "Wow, you’re so tight. I can tell you haven’t had anything in your ass for months. You are so going to enjoy this." He holds my legs up, and I feel his dickhead rubbing on my hole. With every circle, his dickhead gets slicker and slicker, and the sensation begins to drive me crazy.

"Please..." I moan.

"Tell me you want it," he commands.

"Yess, do it. Do it now."

"Zack, tell me you want me to hurt you. Tell me you want me to satisfy you," Zeke lustfully whispers as he grabs my cock and squeezes it, making my back arch off the bed. The pain distracts from him thrusting his three fingers into my asshole and prying it open.

Zeke lays on me and kisses me passionately, then bites my bottom lip as he works his cock into my ass. A feeling that I can only describe as a ‘thickness’ enters my first ring. "Oh wow, give me a moment, would’ja?"

"Nope, you’re taking it all at once. I know you want it. I know you want to feel it tomorrow, so I’m going to make it last." His eyes close as he slides his cock deep deep inside me. I bite the pillow, as it’s my only option at this point. His cock drags across my prostate, and my body acts in kind. He grabs my hips and leans over me so he can drive his dick harder and harder inside me.

I wail and moan as my body jerks and twitches with every impact on my boy button. Suddenly, without warning, he fucks me as hard and as fast as he can! Slapping sounds fill the room, and I have to come up for air and beg him, "Zeke, Zeke, please... more. Oh my God, Zeke!" His mouth curls into a disturbing smile, and then he drops my left leg. He holds my right leg up as high as he can, rolling me onto my side. Then begins pounding on my boy-hole till I’m not sure how to form understandable words. This feels totally different than before—more rigid and precise. He’s aiming for my boy button and drilling it, causing me to almost spasm with pleasure.

"Zeke, I’m gonna… Zeke..." I mutter, trying to warn him that I am about to cum all over the sheets.

Zeke drops my leg and leans down close to me while continuing to slowly long-dick me. He grabs my cock and squeezes with all he’s worth, saying with authority, "You’ll cum when I say you can!"

Oh my God, the pain is excruciating, but the feeling of both his cock sliding and dragging across that spot he knows so well and how he’s feeling how tight I am with every warm, slippery bump and curve inside me totally make up for the pain.

Man, I need to cum, and I grip my head, trying to stop the scream I want to let out from needing to release, when I feel him spin me around with my ass up. He grips me so tightly that I think I’ll have fingernail marks on my hips. He thrust his cock into me as I buried my scream into the pillow, then he pulls it all the way out and thrust it again. Over and over, I think I’m going to lose my mind as he and I cum at the same time. I coat the sheets with weeks of pent-up boy juice, and he fills me up. He shutters and whines as he pulls it halfway out, then, with all his weight, he pounds it back in, making me spew another five ropes all over my side of the bed. He holds still for a moment, then draws it out only to slam it back in me, shooting more and more cum in me till it squishes out and pours down my thighs.

He finally pulls his cock out of me, satisfied that he can’t thrust anymore, and his cum just floods out of my gaping hole, covering my balls. He collapses next to me on the bed, out of breath and out of cum. With red cheeks and an out-of-breath smile, he wheezes, "That was amazing; I’m going to need a few minutes, and we can go again."

"How... where did you learn all that?" I ask as I remember how to form words, but I can’t seem to find the energy to move my body as of yet.

"Parker..." he said as if the one word were enough of an explanation. "You should join us; you’d like it. He knows a lot about fucking." As I think of what those two must be doing every time we lose sight of them, there is a knock on the door. Shit.

Jack

"Jack…"

"…zzzzz…"

"Jack, get up," Alice whispers, rocking me.

"What? What’s wrong?"

"The twins are at it," she says, rolling over on her pillow.

"They’re fighting?" I ask while sitting up and trying to focus my hearing.

"No, they’re having sex," she whispers, and as soon as she says it, I hear the moaning and the bed hitting the wall. Crap, I was worried they would fall back into their old habits. I crawl out of bed and put on some pajama bottoms.

Opening the door as quietly as I can, I see two little boys on their knees with their ears on Zeke’s door. I can’t help but sigh and ask, "What are you two doing?"

Both boys jump out of their skin and turn around to confront me. "Beau had to pee," AJ blurts out. His little four-inch boner sticking out from his body, and his partner in crime next to him with a hard little stiffy of his own hiding behind his tight white briefs, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"And you both stopped here to pee because you didn’t think you could make it the two feet to the bathroom?" I ask, being silly.

"We were... distracted," Beau says as he subconsciously plays with his crotch.

I reach for AJ’s phone and hit play. Crystal-clear sounds of the twins having sex playback, and AJ lowers his head, asking, "Am I in trouble?"

"It’s one thirty in the morning, AJ; let’s just pretend that you didn’t stop, okay, that way I don’t have to tell your mother this. Go pee," I answer him with a yawn, and I put his phone in my pocket. The boys don’t hesitate and rush into the bathroom. Beau has his underwear down to his knees before he even gets to the bowl. He lets out a little boy's sigh of relief when the liquid hits the water. AJ’s wandering eyes seem more interested in Beau’s privates than peeing. I lean on the door frame and warn him, "Eyes up, AJ." The boy quickly lifts his eyes up, and Beau checks to see if AJ is watching and smiles. They finish, and on the way out, Beau wants to be picked up. So, I pick him up and squat down for AJ to jump on my back.

"Does it sound like that when me and Zack had sex?" AJ asks without shame.

"Zack and I," I drowsily correct him.

"You and Zack have sex?" asks a shocked Beau, and it takes a few seconds to register what I said.

"What? No, I mean, AJ should have said 'Zack and I,' …oh, never mind," I answer exhaustedly. “Beau, you have nothing to worry about, I’ve never had sex with my boys.”

I struggle to get up the stairs with as few boy giggles as possible. After tucking them in, I kiss their foreheads and say goodnight. I check on Colt as he sucks on his thumb. He’s wrapped in his blanket as tight as one can be.

I finally head down to the twins’ room and listen by the door. The moaning has stopped, and I can hear talking coming from inside. I knock on the door and hear Zack say, “Shit,” and I take it as an invitation to enter. I open the door and walk in, closing it behind me. "Boys, what are you two doing? Why aren’t you two asleep?"

"We were, um, just playing around," Zeke says as he covers his just over six-inch-long hard-on with the sheet.

"Well, you’ve woken up everyone in the house but Colt," I tell them and watch Zack sit up to hide his hard penis. I’m pretty sure I interrupted round two.

"We weren’t that loud," Zack says, showing his embarrassment.

I hold out AJ’s phone and hit play. Sounds of Zack begging Zeke to fuck him harder and to hurt him can be heard over Zeke’s moaning and heavy breathing in the background. I turn it off and tell them, "No more sex at night in this room."

"You recorded us," Zeke says, a little hurt.

"No, I didn’t," I respond without telling them it was AJ.

"You said this room," asks Zack, "does that mean we can sleep downstairs?" Something tells me sleeping is the last thing on their minds.

"That’s fine, just don’t wake anyone up," I say as I open the door, and two naked teenagers with extremely large hard-ons rush past me, heading downstairs.

Dr. Ford

Beau finishes his story, and I wonder how much of it is true. From talking with the twins and AJ, I know that they are all very sexually active, so most of it was probably true. But the smirk on his face tells me he’s testing my reaction and that it’s just a made-up story. So, I just let him tell his story. His hands work fervently on his drawing as he recounts his morning. Shortly after the story was over, he finishes the drawing and hands it to me.

There are five figures on the paper. Up front, in the middle of the paper, is a drawing of Colt. It looks professionally done, and I’m amazed by the skill this boy possesses. Behind him, Beau has drawn himself, but where Colt is drawn in blues, reds, and yellows, Beau’s figure is colored in shades of grey. The details on Colt are impressive, whereas Beau's are less defined and almost muted. To Colt’s left are two women. The far left one is what Beau perceives as an angel, drawn with yellows, creams, and whites. The face of the angel is left empty, almost as if he forgot to finish it. Holding the angel’s hand is another lady, who is drawn in a light covering of black and gray. Her face is sad and hollow. On the right side of Colt is a tall, built man holding the dark lady’s hand. He only has a body shape and is colored in a thick black coating. The paper buckles under the layers of black wax that were used to fill in this man’s shape.

I look over the drawing at Beau, who is sitting nervously in his chair. He stares at his painted finger nails and is awaiting my comment about his drawing. "Your drawing is very well done, Beau. Thank you." I set it aside and ask him to draw the next picture on the list. He looks uncomfortable, as if he's waiting for me to ask the difficult questions, but I’ll do that once he and I become good friends. Right now, I take a few notes on the picture and then give him all my attention.

The next picture on the list is, ‘Happy, Draw What Makes You Happy.’ Beau takes a smaller piece of paper and a pencil this time, but before the pencil hits the paper, he hesitates. His eyes shift back and forth, and his bottom lip quivers a bit. Ten minutes go by, and finally, he lays the pencil down on the table. "Beau, is there something wrong?" I ask. Drawing this picture normally messes up a child who has gone through what Beau has. They have trouble finding that one thing that truly makes them happy.

"I... don’t know," Beau whispers as his tears gently trail down his cheeks. Then he says so quietly, it’s almost inaudible, "…I don’t remember ever being happy."

I can tell he’s having a hard time with it, so I offer him a hug. He takes me up on my offer by rushing into my arms. "It’s okay, Beau. I’m sure you can figure it out. Would you like my help?" He nods his head on my shoulder, and I pat his back. He lets go and sits in the chair next to me. I take a piece of paper and write the numbers one to ten on it. Then I list some general things like: sports, drawing, playing music, school, pets, games, rodeo, TV and movies, reading, and eating. "All right, Beau, I want you to write next to the line your level of happiness. From one to ten, with ten being the best, how happy does each of these make you? And when you are done, if you would like to add to the list, we can."

Beau works on the list of activities that I gave him for the rest of the hour. I decided not to rush him and let him take as much time as he needs. Soon the tone rings, letting me know that Alice is here to pick up Beau, and he bounces up with his list, heading for the door. I open the door, and Beau hugs Alice, AJ, and his little brother Colt.

"Beau, may I have your list?" I ask, and he hands it to me.

"I hope everything went well," Alice says. "Beau wasn’t too much trouble, was he?"

"Oh no, we talked, and Beau drew me some pictures. He’s quite the little artist."

"Really?" Alice asks and rubs Beau’s head, messing up his hair. Beau takes the compliment as a kid his age normally does: he combs his fingers through his hair and buries his head behind Alice.

The boys giggle and play while Alice and I talk. AJ and Colt play a very short game of ‘Keep Away’ with Beau’s baseball cap, then they leave, giving me time to look at his list. All the lines have three to four numbers that are scratched out and replaced with a new number. In the end, there are only two lines with numbers: Drawing with a five and Games with a three.

AJ

Beau is sitting behind my mom and is playing some kind of hand game with Colt that they used to play all the time. Finally, we cross the property line, and thoughts of playing video games till dinner dominate my thoughts until I feel the SUV slow down. Craning my neck, I look out the front to see, and it looks like there is a car on the side of the street with a man under the hood, one looking at a map, and a guy with a baseball cap sitting in the back seat.

"I have a bad feeling about this. Dad, what’s going on?" I ask him.

"Everyone sit back and stay in the truck. We’re going to see if there is anything we can do to help," my mom answers.

Dad pulls the truck over to the side, and the guy looking under the hood waves Dad over to him. Dad puts the flashers on and stops the SUV. "Stay in your seats, don’t even unbuckle. This won’t take long; I’ll check the car, and then we’ll head home," Dad says as he steps outside. He walks up to the man under the hood and joins him in looking at the engine.

"Mom, I don’t like this," I tell her as I wipe my clammy hands on my jeans.

"What’s wong, I cawn’t swee. Whewe is Jack?" Colt asks with nervousness in his voice.

Mom turns and shakes Colt’s leg a little, saying, "It’s okay, honey. Dad’s almost done, and we’ll be heading home." She turns back to watch the men when the one with the map picks it up and walks in front of our truck, holding the map like he’s lost. I watch the one in the back seat, and he hasn’t moved. Like, not an inch. I don’t even see him breathing. The man with the map asks Mom through her window if she can come out and help him find where they are. She looks back at us, and I mouth ‘Please, don’t,’ but she smiles and says, "Don’t worry boys. We’re almost done."

My mom gets out, and she and the man walk back to their car to look at the map. "AJ, are you okay?" Beau asks, looking a little nervous.

I look at him and tell him, "Something isn’t right."

Then, looking back, I noticed right away that the man in the back seat was gone. "Where did the man in the back seat go?" I ask my new brothers. Before they could say anything, the driver’s side door opens, and the man with the ball cap slid in. He drops the SUV into gear, floors it, makes a U-turn, and throws gravel all over the car and mom and dad. Beau and Colt begin screaming, and the man turns to yell at us, and I recognize him right away as the man with the New York Yankee’s ball cap. I can tell Beau knows him from somewhere else, too. My blood begins to run cold, and my mind kicks into overdrive, thinking of as many ways as it can to get me out of this.

Jack

Dropping the SUV's gears into park, I give Alice a worried look. She returns that look and gives me a nod. "Stay in your seats, don’t even unbuckle. This won’t take long; I’ll check the car, and then we’ll head home." I tell the boys and get out, shutting my door behind me. Walking up to the car, I ask, "Car trouble? It’s a bad place for it, especially at night."

The man looking at the engine says, "Yeah, there was some banging, and the engine just quit on me." I make my way under the hood, and the man has one hand deep into one side of the engine. "I’m checking the plugs on my side; can you check the ones on yours?" he adds. I work myself over on the other side of the car so I can see the SUV and work on the engine. Alice is getting out and helping the other man with the map.

"So, where were you all headed?" I ask, making small talk.

"The Interstate, but we got turned around and decided to go sightseeing."

"The Interstate—wow, are you guys lost. Well, you’re on my ranch, private property, and have been for like fifteen minutes," I tell him as I check one of the sparkplug wires, then I continue, "If you keep going down this road, you will get really lost. There is nothing that way but wheat fields and my house."

Suddenly the SUV tears out of there, throwing gravel all over us. I rush out to stand in front of it when a gun goes off, and I freeze. Looking over to Alice, who looks as shocked as I am, I see that she has a gun on her as well. "Where are you taking my boys?" She shouts as the map lazily blows across the gravel road.

"Hey, don’t worry about it! Your boy is safe for now. Now, get to fixing my engine. The contract wasn’t for you two," orders the man with the gun near me.

I look over to Alice, and she is holding it together, but I can tell she’s freaking out. "Don’t hurt my fiancé; I’ll do what you ask!” I tell him in a threatening tone.

"Good, now just reconnect the wires to the starter, and we’ll be on our way," he says to me with a New York accent. I make my way to the engine and can now see what he did to it to make it look like it was broken down. I need to get the car working so I can take it and find the boys, but first I have to get rid of my gunmen. He’s watching me pretty closely, but his attention is split between me and the other man. The other man has Alice sitting in the car while I work on reconnecting the starter.

"Could you hand me that wrench over there?" I ask, pointing to some random tool. The gunmen looks at the wrench and then back at me with my hand deep into his engine. "Can you please?" I ask with a little strain in my voice. "It’s not like I can let go of the bearing connectors," I said, making shit-up, and as I thought, by the look on his face, he has no idea what’s under this hood. He hands me the wrench, and I hook it on some random bolt. "Hey, can you hold his right here, so I can tighten this bearing?"

My gunmen looks a little apprehensive but meekly reaches down the left side of the engine to help me hold the wrench. My eye shift to the radiator cap next to his belly and then up to see if he was paying attention to me. When he has that gap in judgment and looks away, I reach for the cap, pop it, and roll off the car. The superheated liquid from the radiator explodes like a geyser into the gunman’s body. He screams and quickly rolls off the car onto the ground. Steam from the hot liquid covers his body, and all he can do is roll around on the ground, howling in pain. I hurry up and work my way around the car to the trunk.

Looking around the corner, I see the man who has been keeping Alice in the car. He wants to go look but doesn’t want to leave Alice unguarded. He calls out to his friend, and all he gets in response are his screams. Eventually, he gives up and turns from Alice to check, and then I make my move. It’s quick, unexpected, and without mercy. My fist connects with his face, and it sends him collapsing onto the gravel road.

Alice rushes me, and I hug her tightly, telling her, "It’s okay; it’s over. Now, we just have to get our boys back."

The man I punched bolts from the ground and runs off towards the woods that separate our land from the Vaccanor’s. I let him go, the boys are our only concern right now.

"Can you fix the car?" Alice asks and is already looking for solutions.

"No, I, unfortunately, emptied the radiator. Cell service here will be too weak to make a call; we’re in a dead zone. We’re not far from the house. Once we’re there, we can get the pickup, and Hoss can help me look for the boys."

"I’ll call the police," she adds as she takes off her high-heeled shoes. We head towards the house at a good run.

Chapter Text

AJ

I unbuckle my seat belt and slide to the floor behind the passenger seat. I pull the hidden flap off the seat, revealing a four-digit combination pad. My mind begins working overtime. Calculations flood my mind, and numbers fill my eyes. After double-checking my math time and time again, my fingers begin going over the combination solutions I’ve come up with.

"What are you doing?" Whispers Beau in a shaky voice as he does his best to keep Colt calm.

"I’m going over the math to find the combination; there are over ten thousand different fingerings, but knowing Mom as I do, I’ve eliminated a few hundred, so this shouldn’t be much longer."

"Shut up back there!" shouts the kidnapper. "Where is the blonde kid?" He asks after quickly looking back and seeing my empty booster seat.

"He’s crying on the floor behind the passenger seat! Don’t hurt us! Let us go!" Beau begs with tears in his eyes as he holds Colt as tight as he can.

"Who are you two anyway? There was no mention of the Dockers having three young boys. I just need the blonde kid. The contract isn’t for three kids, just one," he says and slams on the brakes, sending me face-first into the back of the passenger seat. The SUV slides to the side of the gravel road, and the kidnapper wearing the New York Yankee ballcap gets out.

"I don’t know what you’re doing, but hurry!" Beau says it with the weight of the situation in his voice.

My fingers move as fast as I can make them as the configurations move through my mind.

The door latch opens, and I can hear him pull the door open, saying, "You two get out!" Then there is a pause as he sees me with my back to him as I work on the lock. "Hey, whatcha doing? Get up!"

Click, and it opens.

Reaching in, I pull the gun from the gun safe, and as I turn, I level it at the kidnapper’s face. His gun is at his side, and as he begins to raise it, I just shake my head from side to side, telling him, "I wouldn’t if I were you." I walk past Beau and Colt, saying, "Once I’m outside, Beau, hit that little red button on the mirror and talk to the lady who answers. Don’t forget to lock the doors." I hop out of the vehicle and see Beau doing as I instructed out of the corner of my eye.

I shut the door, and the New Yorker patronizes me by saying, "You won’t shoot me. Put the gun down, little boy."

"Oh, I don’t think so. The cops are on their way, and if I have to, I’ll shoot you. Now, drop it," I threaten him. Movement on my left reveals to me Beau standing next to me. "What are you doing here?" I ask him a little panicked.

"You don’t think I’d let you do this alone, do you?" He responds with a shaky voice as he stares down our kidnapper, then continues, "Besides, Colt is talking to the ‘On Star’ lady."

Colt is talking to the ‘On Star’ lady, I sigh thinking, ‘that’s just great.’

On Star

Hello, this is On Star. What is the emergency?"

"Helwo, whewe awe you?"

"Hello, my name is Mary. I’m here to help you. Do you need help? Where are your mommy and daddy?" The boy is obviously very young. I place him on mute and track the vehicle.

"A-yay’s Mom and Dawd awen’t hewe. The kidnappoh is outside wif A-yay and my bwothew."

"Okay, what’s your name?" Placing him on mute again, I alert Cut Bank Police dispatch that I have a possible kidnapping and relay the vehicle’s position.

"Coat Nite." He simply answers, then adds in a frightened voice, "A-yay has a gun, and so does the kidnappoh. A-yay sed you cwould help."

"Cote," I’m guessing what he is saying at this point. "What’s happening? Did you say someone has a gun?"

"A-yay and the kidnappoh has guwns!" Then two gunshots ring over the On Star microphone, and the little boy screams in horror, "A-yay! Bwo!"

"Dispatch, I’ve got two gunshots. Shots fired!"

AJ

The New Yorker begins to squat down and to lay his gun down. I look at Beau, and he shrugs. When the gun is almost down, the kidnapper quickly swings his arm up, startling me. "Beau, No!" I scream and push him to the side as the kidnapper’s bullet flies between us, nicking my left arm. I swing up my right arm and take a second to do the math. Then, I grip the pistol, hold my breath, take aim, and squeeze my finger.

Bang! Bang!

My bullets rip through the air as I fall to the ground. The pistol in his hand shatters as two of the bullets strike it. The gun shards riddle his hand and arm, tearing flesh and releasing more blood than I’ve ever seen. The kidnapper shouts in pain and drops to his knees. Beau rushes to me to check on me as I roll around on the ground holding my bicep. I collect myself after checking my hand and seeing the blood.

"Fuck! Owe, that hurt," I say loud enough for Beau to hear, and my eyes instantly begin to cry. I sit up about the same time the kidnapper does, and we both see the gun between us. My gun, "Oh shit!" I cuss and dive for it at the same time he does. I miss the handle, but his reach is only long enough to spin the gun toward me, allowing me a second attempt. I grab the gun with my good hand and scoot myself back from him, holding him at gunpoint. He scampers towards me with his one good arm, and I panic and shoot him two more times.

On Star

"AAAAHHH!!" The little boy screams. His tears and horror are evident, "Bwo! A-yay!" The terror in his voice sends my heartbeat racing. "He sot A-yay! A-yay sot him bok! I can’t swee vem!"

"Cote, calm down, buddy. Can you tell me if your brothers are okay?"

"A-yay is sanning up, his awm is wed. I tink it’s bwudy! Bwo! A-yay!" The little boy continues to pound on the glass, screaming, and my heart is breaking. I switch the channels to the dispatcher: "Dispatch, one of the boys has been shot. ETA on arrival."

"Layie? Bwo says thae awe otay."

"Good, Cote. Can you tell me who has a gun?"

"A-yay has won. I don’t swee the kidnappoh’s guwn. He is note moowing. The kidnappoh is awe bwudy."

"Cote, the police are almost there. You’re so brave; just hang on a little longer."

AJ

The two shots strike him in the leg, and he rolls over, grabbing his knee. His scream is full of anger and frustration as he rolls on the gravel road. Beau helps me up, and we move closer to the SUV. He uses the headlights to check on my wound. "How bad is it? It hurts like a mother fucker!" I cuss uncharacteristically.

"It looks like you fell off your bike. It’s not bad. I think you’re okay," Beau shakily says to me while I cry, leaning on the Suburban. I can hear Colt screaming and banging on the windshield of the SUV.

Beau gives him a weak thumbs up and asks, "You good?"

I nod and wipe some tears away. I have to be strong for Colt and Beau. My hand is shaking, and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m scared or if it’s my body shutting down.

"Now, kid, let’s not be brash," the kidnapper worriedly says as he heaves heavily for air.

Beau holds my arm, and it hurts like hell. To take my mind off the pain, I ask, "What is your deal anyway? I have seen you following me for like months."

"I’ve seen him at the rodeo," Beau adds.

"Yeah, me too. Who are you?" I ask him.

The New Yorker smiles and spills it, "I’m a private investigator," he answers and takes off his belt. He wraps it around his hip and pulls it so tight that it makes him whine in pain. After regaining his thoughts, he asks, "Now, I get to ask a question, what makes you so special? Did you do something wrong? or piss someone off? Does your mom owe a lot of money to someone?"

Thoughts of the past year move before my eyes like one horror movie after another, but I always seem to get through them. What is so special about me?... "I don’t know," I whisper to him. I look at Beau, sigh, and say, "… I don’t know."

Beau

I’m guessing, of course, but I’m pretty sure the temperature has dropped twenty degrees in the last fifteen minutes, and I can see AJ’s lips turning blue along with his fingertips. The kidnapper stirs and sighs as he looks into the night. Then he turns his cold eyes on us once again, saying, "Well, I think I’ll take my leave. It’s getting real cold." His weak leg scrapes against the gravel road to maneuver underneath him, and then he stands up.

"Stop! Or..." yells AJ with stammering teeth.

"Or you’ll what? You'll shoot me again, is that what you'll do? Your fingers are so cold holding onto the metal gun that your arms haven’t stopped shaking for ten minutes now. So, if you’re going to shoot me, go right ahead, but you’ll have to shoot me in the back," and he turns, heading into the darkness.

We sat there in the dark, looking into the nothingness for movement, but soon the scraping sound of his footsteps fell silent. "What do you think?" I ask, trying to sound brave.

"Let’s get in the truck before our balls freeze off," AJ says, covering me with the gun. I get Colt to unlock the door, then I climb over the driver's seat. He looks once more into the darkness for anything that moves. Anything that might make a sound. Anything... anything at all, then hands me the pistol, I set it on the dash behind the steering wheel and help him inside. The door closes, and AJ locks it quickly with one more look out the window.

"Bwo! A-yay!" Colt yells and hugs me with giant strength, making me grunt. "I was so scawed," then he switches to AJ.

"Hello?" Asks a lady’s voice somewhere in the truck. "Is everyone in the truck?"

"Yes, we’re all inside," I answer, not exactly sure where to start.

"Is everyone okay, I heard gunshots?"

"We’re okay, but I’ve been shot in the arm," AJ answers as he tenderly touches his arm.

"It barely drew blood. You are only scratched," I tell him with a little harshness in my voice.

"By... a... bullet!" AJ says, justifying his statement, then continues softly, “…by definition, I was shot and it really hurts."

"I’m glad you boys are not hurt any more than you are. Keep pressure on your arm to stop the flow of blood. I know it will hurt but I need you to do it. The police will be there within minutes. Stay in the truck and try to sit close to keep warm. I’ll be here if you need me," the On Star Lady says comfortingly.

AJ turns on the dome light and pulls up his sleeve, showing us and himself his wound. "Doesn’t it look bad? Do you think it will be a scar?"

Colt snuggles in my lap in the passenger seat and watches AJ act silly for his benefit. "A-yay, awen’t chew scawed?"

"Yeah, of course, Colt, but I’m more afraid you or Beau would get hurt."

There is a moment when we all just stare at each other. Three boys. Three survivors. The three of us give a little chuckle after we all realize we’re staring. Suddenly, without warning, the window of the driver’s door explodes, and two big arms grab AJ around the waist, pulling him out of the truck. Colt screams, and I hold him tightly, frightened that he might be next, when a hand reaches from the darkness and takes the gun off of the dashboard.

AJ isn’t yelling, screaming, kicking, or punching. He just laid his hands limply in the kidnapper’s arms as they sank into the night. I can barely hear the OnStar lady over Colt’s crying and my screaming for AJ. I’ve lost him. He’s gone.

AJ

My eyes flicker open, and my head bobbles on my neck like it’s too weak to hold itself up. Looking around, it’s still night, and I can’t make out my surroundings. My glasses! My glasses are gone! My head is killing me, and when I reach for it, I realize my arms are pinned to my sides.

"Stop squirming you, little cocksucker. Did you really think I was going to leave my cash cow?"

It’s the man in the Yankees ball cap! He must have snuck behind the truck. I was goofing around and wasn’t paying attention. Beau and Colt must be terrified. I begin to kick and squirm, knocking him off balance, and we come crashing into the plowed dirt ground. His hand grabs my arm and almost pulls it off, stopping me from running. "You’re not going to get away from me. You see this?" He asks, and I freeze, not knowing what is in front of me. Tears begin to flow down my cheeks as my head jerks left to right, looking into the darkness for the terrible sight he is trying to show me. "You can’t see without your glasses? Can you see it now?" He asks again, but this time he drags the barrel of the gun across my nose.

"What are you going to do?" I ask in a shaking, sobbing voice.

"Maybe I should just shoot you in the knee and we’ll call it even," he says in the evilest New York accent I’ve ever heard, and I feel the gun tap my knee, making me cry even harder.

"Pl, plea, please don’t shoot my knee, mister." I stammer through my full-blown panic attack. Strangely, the New Yorker’s attention is pulled away from me, and he looks out into the darkness of the field. The wind unexpectedly picks up, and he spins me around and wraps his arm around me so tight I have trouble breathing. Then everything lights up like daylight, but only where we’re standing. I can feel the gun against my head and hear the kidnapper yell out to the sky that he’ll kill me.

Although the light is blinding me, I can make out the helicopter that emerges from the night sky. It’s hovering above us, and I can make out a man standing outside, holding onto the door, and looking at us. It moves to a safe distance and lands, but the man doesn’t wait; he jumps off and lands with a roll in the dirt. He stands up real slowly and walks into the light with his hands up. It’s Captain Lee. I would recognize that voice anywhere.

"Let the boy go," Captain Lee says with authority. "You can have me instead."

"You watch too many movies to think that is going to work. The boy and I are getting in that helicopter, and you’re staying here," the kidnapper responds, and he begins to move us toward the machine. The wind from the blades blows off his Yankee cap, and his legs begin to wobble, so he sets me down but retains the stone grip on my wounded bicep, making me scream even more.