Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

for a long time she was a tool.
She was a tool and she believed, too, to be a tool.
There was not much space in the thin volumes of the frame. Not enough to exist, anyhow. The builder of this device of torture where she spent so much time made sure of that.
And so existence was dull.

She only saw one person in her prison.
For a long time she hated her. But she obeyed. She showed her Homeworld. The vast glimmery plains, the cruel depths of the vast central ocean, the spires, all of it. And the pearl would gaze forlonrny at the mirror for hours on end, in her water room, all alone and terribly sad.
She hated her, but she drew some courage from her too. To see her sadness, her longing for a place and a time that she could never get back to, somehow, reassured her. She was not alone in this hell - the pearl was free, and no better off.
A long time passed. The gem came to her less and less often now. Lapis spent the majority of the time stored away and reflecting nothing. She greeted their less nad less frequent meeting with bright coulours, the best places on Homeworld, all the pearl had ever asked to be seen. Sometime other places too, made up places that made the pearl cock and eybrow in perplexity - Lapis had learnt by now that everything evading Pearl's knowledge was an open door for a new insecurity. She did everything for the Pearl not to leave her in the dark nothingness again. In vain.

More time passed. Pearl came with regularity again. She barely changed outfits anymore. The war might have ended, Lapis wondered. The war ended and no one had rememered that she was imprisonned here. Not even the face that gaze at the silvery depths of the mirrors times and times again. She had no clue.
Lapis wanted to reach to her. To make her understand. But Pearl never talked, and Lapis powers were dwindling constantly, and she couldn't do much but show the sames images over and over again. Maybe, if she recorded words, situations, she could make up a message... But there were only the sound of water and the sights of the pearl to keep her company.

Slowly, as people do when they never see the stars and the sun anymore, she fell in love with this Pearl. She had learnt every expression on her face, every emotion. Mostly sadness, but anger, too, and some dim hope that crept on her face sometimes. Lapis wanted to stroke her face. To take her in her arms and to sush her silently, softly. She wanted to sing to her songs from the distant stars. But she could not. Her gem was cracked and she felt so very, very weak.

This love never replaced her hate completly. One fuelled the other. Why didn't she see ? Why didn't she feel that something was wrong ? That some consciousness remained in her gem ? That she was not dead inside yet ?

She didn't remember how she ended up in there. She was not in the war. She was not a warrior. She was precious, an heir, if ever They needed one.
She felt the cold hard metal blow when her gem cracked. The vibration of the tool used to embed her into the back of the mirror, shattering her some more. The silver lids closing in slowly, craddling her gem, never to let her go again.

She had so much to say to this Pearl. How beautiful she was. How pathetic she seemed to be. How she deserved better. How she could rot in hell for all she cared. How stupid she was. How soft her light seemed to be. How she wanted to mingle with her. But that has no point has it ? She would never be free again.

She drifted.
She disconnected from the world outside of her own shell.
She stopped answering her.
It was no use.

Then a young human awoke her from her slumber and gave her enough to escape. And she fled. The rest is history.

Chapter Text

She realised soon enough that she was only able to thrive in prison. The years had shaped her like tumbled glass and she only fitted in small cells, now. Whether it was a mirror, the destabiliser cells of the handship, or the crushing, debilitating episode fused as a nightmare. The moments in between these encloisterments were confused hysteric states of freedom that she could not bear. She had lived in the dark for so long that light had become a threat. So she subjected herself over and over to the bindings and the subduement. Like that she kept a balance, and being Malachite, she could allow herself to think. The lack of a body again felt so much like relief. She remembered her immensity, the lenghts of her body and her garments, and if it was more or less the same thing, light anyway, she remembered feeling too big, too loud... Her circumference was that of a hand-mirror. She couldn't adjust to the height.

All had passed so very quickly. She flew the beach, she fought the gems and she reached high, high for home. She knew that nothing was waiting for her, home. That Home had imprisoned her in the first place. But five hundred years of droning out places from home left her with an irremediable longing for them.

Now on the bottom of the sea, pinned on compressed sand by titanic forces, she regretted. Jasper was tugging at the edges of her consciousness, but for now she was in control. Jasper was a fighter. She was hot blooded and lacked the patience. She was wearing herself thin, and soon the dread of the prison will creep down her, will pin her down as efficiently as the ocean did and then, she would let her mind wander freely. She will get there, in time. Lapis was resilient. She was strong as cliffs, and as smoothly carved out from brine and salt.
She will crush Jasper's mind. In time.

And... And then she would be free again. What would she do ? Home was out of question. There was only suffering, home. Earth ? She did not know Earth. But then the smooth face of Pearl came to her mind, delicate, with that hint of sadness and these bright eyes. They hadn't had the luxury to talk. She remembered her face, deliquescent in the realisation of her mistake. Striken by the fact that the object she abused for years, centuries, was sentient, and was holding a grudge. In a small part of her mind Lapis knew that she left so hastily because she couldn't face Pearl, her excuses, her stuttering. She knew her well enough.

In her confinement she dreamt of her in delirious bouts. Her words her hands stroking idly her surface, her humming to herself and so much things she imagined in years and years facing the gem without ever being able to reach it. Scratches bites hateful words and pleas and coos and she had no fucking idea, did she. It took a boy with limited understanding to see her where a multi centennial gem had failed. That couldn't be right. That Pearl must have known, and were just very good at hiding it when Lapis was released. Probably for the sake of the sensibilities of Steven (weird name).

So she remained. She learnt what it was to be a fusion. Half of something, twice more, not the same. Jasper made it a difficult task, her disharmony disrupting all meditation she might have endeavored. She struggled. She tried to shut Jasper out the better she could. All alone, with her, on the bottom of the ocean, in the dark.
She waited a long, long time.

Chapter Text

Time stood still. No sound had resonated for what seemed to be years, millenias. Then the agressive tone bellowed once again, nagging at her conciousness.

Are you crying ?

Some time, between the heartbeats of the sea. No.

A chuckle. Yes you are. You weak creature.

Malachite is.

Malachite is US.

...  Lapis didn't wanted to encourage her. In their dark dimension where everything was splotched the sicks colors of their ungodly fusion, she retrated further into the nothingness. Small waves were lapping at her feet in warning of Jasper wrath.

Let me out. The bigger gem growled.

No.

Let me OUT. Their throat swelled with anger but not even bubbles escaped the sharp mouth of the construct. You know they will find us. You know they will be stupid enough to disturb us and then I'll be free to go.

... This was stupid. Talking to her, indulging her was pointless, and managed only to tire her further. She tugged at the water chains to keep her prisonner in check, a little. Anger swelled.

And I will CRUSH you, you stupid thing. She yelled, the violence in her words made their dimension vibrate, shimmer. It crawled onto Malachite's skin and her form staggered.

They won't. She felt too tight in the chest she didn't have anymore, and the words came sofly, worn out already.

What ? The disruption in the topic made Jasper reel back a little. Lapis breathed and closed her eyes.

They won't come. Little smile.

Jasper squinted. In their dimension, her imaginated body crawled a little closer to her captor's. Yes they will. They're sentimental like that.

They won't. Silence, then Lapis let out, sofly, almost against her will. They never did, before.

What was that ? It was a small marvel, seeing them talk without any of them moving their lips, with just the emotions on their faces, wariness and low key anger on one, bitterness, creases in the corner of her mouth on the other, the blue one. She cradled herself in her arms, avoiding the piercing yellowish gaze of her prisonner. Together they were awash in green, the hue of their cage. They were too deep inside the belly of the ocean to see little lights dance against them, but they were not separated, either, they shared a body, and inside this body they allowed a sort of physical reprieve, where they could still confront one another as if they were two entities. So they were allowed their little dancing lights. It made blurry squares everywhere, like in swimming pools. It was the only source of light inside their dimension.

Lapis raised her head, facing Jasper at last. Her mouth pinched. Well, you remember the report I had to file. Before. I was with them. For centuries. I was trapped in a mirror and they used me, and they never saw that I was here.

...

She flapped back into the dark corners of their shared conciousness. So they won't come. Either because of their guilt, or because they don't care. Anyhow. You're stuck. With me.

Perplexity creased the high orange brow of the biggest gem. She made a small "tk" sound. I don't understand why you would do that for them. I didn't understand before but I just though you were dumb as mud.

I do it because I don't care about their guilt. Jasper was startled by the softness in the blue gem's voice. It seemed as she was devoided of life all of a sudden. It made Jasper want to reach for her. Just to see their illusion hold. Because I'd rather be here, doing the good thing, than stranded in this horrible place with no cause.

Say what now ? The soldier boomed, all trace of worry forgotten in a snap. I'm your CAUSE ?

Shard of laughter. Insanity in the making. You're my burden.

...Dear god fuck you I'm not going to be a part of your redemption suicide fucking path let me OUT.

Please, stop. Soft once again, the words. Long thin arms pressing against cold green skin. It won't help. You're just hurting us.

Damn right I'm hurting us ! Let. Me. OUT !

Their world shattered. It rained green shards inside their head and they were Malachite again, not anymore in a secluded dimension where they could find reassurment in their individual body, even in thoughts. No her and I, no she and it. Just one, massive, monstruous body made of arms, corrupted light, and anger. The construct tore at her own chest, tugged at her hair, growled, rolled on the sea floor, crushing rocks, corals, the scarce population of the depths. Water boiled around her, and pressed down her body, all movement made excruciating by the weight of the planet. Links forged in water sectionned skin, sliced arms, tights, creases where they got stuck. The pain swelled in her. For a moment Lapis was tempted to let her. Let her kill them, end this debacle. But she couldn't. Some small part of her, the part that kept showing bright happy things for millenias reeled. She did not came all this way to end like that, at the hand of some idiot patriot for a world she was not a part of anymore.

In a desesperate attempt, Lapis took control of one arm, for a moment. She put in this gesture all the pain, all the hatred, all the things she had to endure and all that had hardened her in the past centuries, and she reached. She ripped the gem from Malachite's face in one swift move.