Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bennett was known as the lonesome boy around his school, his only 2 friends never paid him much mind regardless of anything that happened… on top of his long string of painful unluckiness, he didn't get out much aside from school… his life was a bore and there wasn't much else to it…

Except for music, of course.

Bennett, unlucky as he is untalented never strived to make music but.. Strived to see his favorite group live one day.

To everyone he was just another one of those “weird Kpop or Cpop fans” but surely he wasn't! He loved the music these talented boy and girl groups made… but there was one band in particular that shook the entire industry by storm

4-arbour, the first half girl half boy group known to the Asian pop industry... Not only did their unique lineup of members intrigue fans from all around, but their incredible talent caused them to hit the top 10 in charts for months after their second album…

Now, Bennett was absolutely thrilled when he had checked their Instagram page to see they were going on tour again... And that their 3rd location was...

“Springvale, mondstat!?” he gasped-- his two friends, Fischl and Razor looked at him confused

“What?” razor asked

“4-arbor! They're--they're coming here-! To our city!” he said excitedly, showing them his phone.

“Oh that kpop group.. Cool, maybe you'll get lucky and get a ticket finally,” Fischl said

“Bennett can never be lucky” razor continued

“Hey! They're a cpop group first of all. And maybe I will be lucky, you both have so little faith in me..” Bennett frowned…

Looking back at his phone with a pout, Bennett checked the caption for the ticket sales time.

-4-arbor on tour! August 28th - September 13th, tickets on sale August 20th at 20:00 PM MST-

Checking the date and time Bennett really felt the dread sink in

It was august 20th at 15:22..

Bennett gasped, scrambled to get out his laptop, and hurry to the website-- fuck, there were already over 300 people in the waiting room by the time he got there…
Though he arrived early enough.

It didn't matter how much money he had to spend on these darned tickets, any price would be worth this joyous experience.

As the minutes and hours passed almost dreadfully, Fischl and razor left Bennetts's apartment to go home, but there were 5 more minutes till tickets were being sold and Bennettt had his eyes practically glued to the screen… because there was no way in hell he could miss something this major…

Then 4 minutes. And then 3…2..1..

When the website flashed to open Bennett rushed faster than he's ever done for anything… hurriedly clicking front row tickets-- sold… sold..sold..!

A lucky click led him to the only single front-row seat left- and…

“I got it!!” Bennett shouted excitedly-

Holy fuck! Front row seats and everything. Sure he's a good thousand down the drain but so what!? It was totally worth it..

Bennett hopped up and jumped around excitedly, this was the greatest moment of his life-- not only is it his first ever concert but it was his favorite group too!

Plopping onto the floor Bennett really let it set in that he was actually going to a concert…

Alone..

-------------

“Alright alright stop you four!” Their choreography manager, Tartaglia huffed

The four members stopped as the music did..

“Hutao, youre still off key with the dance, you've been sluggish lately” tartaglia huffed

“It's not her fault! We’ve had little to no breaks today mister..” xiangling frowned, fixing her top that had gone far too crooked during practice..

“Xiangling is right, our concert isnt for another week… it's not like Hu Tao being off-beat in the dance is gonna ruin our reputation, give us a break please” xingqiu huffed, grabbing his water

“Fine, you guys have the rest of the day to eat and relax, but tomorrow i need you four in shape, got it?”

“Yes..” they sighed collectively, watching Childe walk out..

“Gosh! What does he expect from us? Management has been wringing us dry, I'm worried i might pull something on the actual stage if this keeps up” hutao groaned… taking a seat on the floor…

“We can't quit now though… we’ll just have to do our best on stage..” chongyun said “if we fuck up in here it's fine but on stage, we have to be sure we’re giving our 100 percent”

“This is possibly our biggest concert yet though, I'm nervous.. Especially with how the media is, we ought to make complete fools of ourselves out there…” xiangling whined

“Fuck the media, they're the ones who make us look stupid, not us” xingqiu sneered, tying his hair back..

The atmosphere was heavy, maybe because they were tired and sweaty from all the dancing… but their collective worry for the upcoming weeks really put a spin on how heavy it was

“Maybe we should go and eat? It's the first time in a while they let us have a day off, we should at least enjoy it, maybe we can even hit the arcade after” chongyun suggested

“Tch.. i guess, but what if we get spotted? You know people are constantly looking to snap a picture of any idol ever, with how much we’ve been growing they're practically on the lookout for us” xingqiu scoffed

“We’ll just have to be careful i guess, it's colder out anyways so we can cover up more and it not be suspicious” hutao said

“Okay fine, fine, let me shower first i don'tt wanna go out sweaty” xingqiu said, heading towards the door

“Yeah…go ahead” chongyun sighed..

When xingqiu walked out there was a collective sigh..

“He's been a lot grumpier lately, hasn't he Yunyun?” xiangling asked

“I don't really know whats up with him.. Hes not normally this grouchy”

“Maybe you should talk to him, you guys are best friends aren't you?” hutao insisted

“Well..”

“C'mon, just talk to him… we also cant have him being super upset during concert time because it could really affect the performance, yknow?” xiangling said, patting Chongyun’s shoulder..

“Yeah…okay, ill talk to him tonight” he sighed..

------

Tonight was the night of the concert…

Hopping out of his uber, Bennett’s eyes lit up excitedly at the venue, shining lights and banners of 4-arbor draped over the tall building… he arrived fairly early too, the cars barely starting to fill in the parking lot..

Phone in hand Bennett hurried to the forming line to enter the venue, getting his digital ticket pulled up so he can enter..

“Youre lucky to get front row kiddo, you'll enter through door H and head downstairs, youre in section a seat a17, got it?” the security guard said as they scanned Bennett’s phone and passed him through the metal detector..

“Okay, thank you!” Bennett said excitedly, grabbing his phone and hurrying inside… beaming brighter than ever.

This was possibly the best day of his life. Ever.

-------

“Show starts in 30 minutes guys! Are you guys sure you've got this?” their manager asked..

“Yes we’ll be fine, we promise not to mess it up” xiangling said, letting the makeup team finish her hair..

“Alright, be ready,” Their manager said before leaving.

“I'm way too nervous for this” hutao sighed

“You got this hutao, you have everything down so just try not to panic.. Imagine we're just recording a music video or something, okay?” xiangling said.

“Okay okay…” she huffed… adjusting her clothes nervously

All four nervously raced around, the minutes counting down.. The sound of crowds and loud music playing as the venue filled with thousands and thousands of people… their stomachs churned nervously.

“5 minutes! Get into the platform room!” their manager and team said urgently, rushing them into the room…

4 minutes… 3…2…1..

The lights outside dimmed.. The platform they stood on began to rise… the crowd cheered louder than they could have ever imagined…

They ushered themselves to their stage positions-- the lights flicked back to life, colorful pinks and blues shone down on them

Cheers, louder than they could have ever imagined

“Good evening Springvale!!!” Chongyun, the Leader of 4-arbor shouted-- blasting through the speakers, cheers and whistles and excited shouts was all they could hear.

The music flared up and it was all set into motion

4-arbors largest most successful concert ever

------------

Bennett felt thrilled, so much thrill. Not only could he practically lean over and speak to the members, he had such an amazing view of it all.

When confetti and silver stringing blasted out of cannons he did whatever he could to grab as many of those little pieces and put them into his pockets- sure it was silly but it meant so much to him…

As the concert proceeded, the songs grew softer… even asking the crowd to wave their lightsticks to the beat of their songs…

“We’d like to truly thank each and every one of you for the amazing love and support you have given us in the 2 years of our careers. And as our thanks we offer you this song sung by our dear sisters, Hutao and Xiangling” Chongyun said

The lights dimmed to a soft red and orange, the song they sung-- Y.M.U. was gentle, full of love and care, the girls sung with such honest unison..

Xinqiu and chongyun sat on the floor as they sung… in fact.. They were so close to his seat from the stage it was crazy..

Chongyuns eyes traced over the crowds as they waved their lights to the slow beat of the song, there was a brief moment when he looked down, locking eyes with Bennett-- a moment, only a moment. But it happened

God Bennett swore his heart sunk down to his stomach-- why did idols have to be so far away? The distance between Bennett, some middle-class college kid to Rich millionaire idols hurt…

It made fans seem stupid and obsessive-- wanting to be close or even interact momentarily with idols they adored…. The smallest interaction caught the hearts of many.. Even just for a moment.

Chongyun smiled at him before looking back at Hutao and xiangling.

His breath caught in his throat-- he smiled at him? Right? Not someone next to or behind him--- but him. Bennett.

Hutao and Xiangling finished their piece and the crowd roared excitedly..

The concert continued with a final song of the crowds choice… once the song ended the group sat down and talked about feelings, hopes, the future

“We hope that umm… you, will stay with us as family and fans forever… and we will keep making music” hutao said

“We love you guys endlessly and thank you all so dearly for the amazing memories you've given us, goodnight Springvale” chongyun finished off..

---------

As the crowds cleared out of the building, as everyone went home, Bennett felt sad it had ended so soon… but..

It was an amazing experience--- for his first concert and everything-- it felt..amazing to say the least

He felt so close to all the members too-- how unbelievably lucky of him--- this was probably the one thing in the world he wouldn't mind getting bad karma after-- because the lucky break was all he wanted…

Bennetts uber pulled over and he got inside… letting out a relieved sigh.. Finally able to get some shut-eye.

His stomach grumbled at him

Maybe not yet.. Hed stop by the market by his house before going to bed..

----------

“It's pretty late out so i'm sure little to nobody is gonna be around, we can just go to a small area and find some food place around there” hutao said

“Ughh.. but i'm so exhausted i just wanna go home” xiangling whined

“Aw cmon xiangling, you can just nap in the car while we get food”

“I dont really feel like going out either” xingqiu sighed

“Fine fine, chongyun are you going to come with me at least?”

“Oh um.. Yeah sure, are we just gonna get take out or..?”

“We’ll find a market or something, they're all probably empty since it's so late at night” hutao said, shoving all her clothes into her luggage, they were getting ready to leave…

“Are you guys ready yet? I have the car waiting outside” Their manager said…

Their manager was a very very serious woman, she really put it down on them all the time, and rarely let them relax, the only person on the team that was nice to them was Tartaglia, and even he had to be harsh because of their Boss’s orders

“Yes miss Ningguang--” hutao huffed, closing her bag-- the other 3 were already ready… hutao was just a bit…sluggish as of recent.

“Let's get going then,” she said, walking out

The group felt tense when she was around-- a heavy feeling in the air… she made them all really nervous.. Yet, they followed her out regardless..

“Um…miss Ningguang… if it's okay with you, chongyun and i wanted to go to a market and get some food…i mean since it's so late out… yknow…”

“If you have an address give it to me” she said, her heels clacked and echoed through the stairwell down to the garage..

“Right okay- thank you Ma’am,” she said tensely, pulling out her phone and eagerly looking for a market around..

--------

Bennett, after being dropped off took his bike to the market.. Chaining it up… it was honestly too late to be cooking anything even if he lived alone he was far too lazy…

“Snacks it is” Bennett sighed, walking into the store…

“Welcome,” the nice lady at the counter said, he waved at her.. She was always very nice to him, unlike most people… sure hes had a few accidents in the store like dropping glass jars on accident but she was never mean to him about it…

Bennett was in one of the farther isles when he heard the lady welcome someone else…

Now he felt awkward, he always had this iff about shopping alone-- he always figured people would think he was a loser or something…

“Ohh do you think they'll like these?” a girls voice from afar said..

“It's got carrots in it I think, i'm not sure xingqiu will like that” a boy responded

Xingqiu?

“Damn, youre right-- oh maybe we should have curry tonight.. I can make it if you guys are too tired”

“It's okay we can make it together, i wouldn't want you being the only one cooking”

“Aww youre such a sweetie yun yun”

“Hey…” the boy huffed

Bennett felt his breath halt. There's no way the people talking are who he thinks they are..

No, nonsense, youre being silly, just go buy your food and leave, if it is them you shouldn't bother idols anyways…

Bennett huffed and hurriedly grabbed whatever he wanted-- and as he was turning the corner of the isle he ran right smack into someone, dropping some of the things from his hands

The glass bottle drink he had in there shattered-- and he fell right onto the shards of it..

“Ack-- ah!” he gasped in pain--

“O-oh my god i'm so sorry are you okay??” the guy asked, him and the girl leaning down to help him

“Oh god your hand-- shit um--”

Bennett looked at the people who he ran into… his stomach dropped

“I--wha..you..youre-” he sputtered, he barely cared about his cut open hand, though he was bleeding all over the white tiles so maybe he should worry..

“Sh--shhh- dont say it please--” the girl exclaimed quietly…

“Let us help you-- we’ll get you first aid and we’ll patch your hand up” the guy said… but Bennett knew who he was-- it was chongyun undoubtedly.. As well as hutao..

“U--um… ill be okay really-- i won't even act like i ever saw you um..” bennett said.. His hand hurt like hell.. It wasn't too bad but he was gonna have to take glass pieces out his hand that night..

“No no no don't do that-- please really let us help you” chongyun huffed… Bennett understood why they were so frantic… any idol would be afraid of injuring anyone, especially a fan, those people are crazy and will do anything for drama..

“I'm not gonna like..tell anyone..i promise it's okay” Bennett sighed.. Getting up…

“Let us buy your food at least-- and get you a med kit, we’ll even patch your hand for you just please don't go” hutao said urgently

Bennett tensed a bit and whispered

“Youre…hutao and chongyun right?” Bennett asked softly…

They looked tense but nodded

“I really loved the concert tonight” Bennett smiled, gently patting his bloodied hand with his shirt, pressing down on it..

“I was actually in the very front rows tonight.. It was my first concert ever and even though i was alone it was the best experience of my life.. I just wanted to say thank you is all, you dont have to worry about buying my stuff or anything, id feel too bad” he smiled

“Are you really sure? We really can do anything to help-- we can even give you our manager's card if you really need medical attention we can pay for it and-- or you could just text us directly and” hutao sputtered

“I dont think you should offer a fan your number.. That's not exactly safe isnt it?” Bennett frowned.. Leaning down to pick up his stuff.. He'd have to apologize to the lady for breaking something again…

“Yes but..”

“It's okay, it's getting late i should go home”

“Let us take you home-- or escort you.. Please?” hutao begged..

Bennett sighed

“Okay, ill let you follow me home but you dont have to do anything else for me” Bennett insisted

“Let us pay for the broken bottle and a med kit as well, please?” chongyun asked

Bennett swallowed nervously…

“O-okay” he said.. Having chongyun- his bias talk to him so..calmly and gently made his stomach churn..

------

Bennett was escorted home safely afterward- chongyun still insisted on paying for his food and patching his hand up for him as best as he could..

“Here's our card… if you still need like..get your hand taken care of” chongyun said, walking Bennett to his apartment.

“And thank you for being so understanding… if there's anything i can do to repay you for yknow… hurting your hand and you being so kind please feel free to call us” he said

“Are you really sure that's okay?” Bennett asked

“Yeah, it's the least we could do…” he smiled.. “I'm glad that youre not mad or like…crazy like most our fans are.. If you were anyone else i swear our boss would've killed us” he chuckled..

“Haha..yeah… um..thank you… goodbye chongyun” Bennett said-- his heart pounding

“Goodbye” Chongyun smiled, walking back down the stairs… leaving Bennett alone in front of his apartment…

What the hell just happened?

Chapter Text

Bennett could barely think of eating when he got inside… he was too… shocked, honestly… like his whole brain and body just kinda shut down and died…

What in the world were the chances of any of this happening? He even had their numbers now…

Don't get hasty though. Just because you have their number doesn't Mean you're friends with them, it's only because of your injury..

But.. this is like a once-in-a-lifetime chance… he feels like he just walked into some teenage girls fanfiction…

Maybe he'll ask people online. Anonymously of course… he wouldn't want to get doxxed or something…

Opening his phone he jotted something down in his notes before posting in a Reddit forum..

-I ran into (physically) 2 idols and ended up injuring my hand-

Anon

I wont date when where or why this happened… i just wanted to ask for some advice… i ran into 2 idols i really adore physically and ended up dropping a glass bottle in my hand, causing me to fall on it and cut my hand open (unlucky, i know) the two idols apologized profusely and were even so kind as to pay for my stuff and patch my hand up personally.. they gave me their numbers in case i still needed medical attention.. they would pay for it…

One of the members was my bias and i felt really shocked by it all now that i have their numbers…. I obviously dont wanna get them in trouble they didn't do anything wrong i'm just clumsy… but i feel so strange having their numbers and meeting them so suddenly…-

Bennett sighed as he posted it and closed his phone.. maybe sleep will make him feel better… he does have class tomorrow anyways..

-------

"I really hope that guy from earlier is okay. Was his injury bad?" Xiangling asked, brushing her hair out on her bed…

"It was a little bad.. he seemed really calm about it though seeing as his palm got sliced open like that.." chongyun sighed… "Now that i think about it.. i do remember seeing him at the concert that night like he mentioned…"

"Wow chongyun actually remembers his fans? Magical" xingqiu huffed

"Hey come on xingqiu don't be mean to him. It's hard for anyone to remember so many people we meet… you cant expect chongyun to do it any better" hutao said

“I'm just joking around, chill”

“Regardless… i do hope hes okay… i also dont want some scandal because i accidentally knocked over a fan an got them hurt” chongyun sighed

“I'm sure itll be fine, he seemed really nice so there's nothing to worry about” hu tao reassured..

“I guess..”

------------

Bennett woke up the following morning… grogginess and dizziness washed over him as he woke up-- the sun practically bliding him..

“Uugh..” he sighed… laying there staring at the ceiling when his phone buzzed…
And then buzzed again.
And again..

“God what do people want from me?” he huffed, rolling over and grabbing his phone…

When he turned it on he was surprised to see the extreme amount of notifications all from reddit…

“What the..” he muttered, opening it..

His post from last night had over 300 comments on it… what the fuck?

Bennett checked the comments on his post rather nervously. The fact i blew up so much overnight baffled him…

Comments- 378

CrissCrass- Dont be shy tell us who it was
9009- thats how idols get in trouble or hated on ㅠㅠ…

Sunnyrapid- this sounds really fake

Httpstunnel- wow thats crazy, at least youre not a psychopath, most fans would have spread so much hate and drama

Shootouuut- wow! They were so nice to do that youre so lucky!! I would have died of pure joy if that happened to me!!

Hanayaaaaa99- gosh i'm so jelly >> u should totally become their friends… i'm rooting for u to do what we all wish for!!

Kanniwi1001- fake as hell you just want attention. You fangirls are crazy
Hwaa- what if it's a boy?? Youre such a hater.

Jj52201- you should just sue! Get your bag girlie

Xuumizzle- 내가 너였으면 좋겠어…..
Mikiisasleep- 알아... 너무 운이 좋아… ㅠㅠ~

Jojolyneee- Las hubiera besado…te perdiste una oportunidad tan buena!!!
Yayaomi- Agreed!! If i were you OP id ask them for more~~~

Isthisadream- youre living in a real life wattpad LOL take ur chance and get with them~~~

Jeongyeonsbiggestfan- 나는 원한다...우리에게도 행운을 빕니다…
Yumixxii- theyre such a hog! I want this to happen to me as well..

Kissmegoodbye- Youre such a fake ass bitch for this nobody would believe this bullshit.

Quincyya- 넌 거짓말쟁이 돼지야.

--- 361 more comments---
-show-

Bennett turned his phone off and huffed… okay well..not very helpful at all, just people being mad or jealous of him..

Well..it's not like he really needed advice…maybe deep down he really wanted to brag a little…i mean…who wouldnt, right?

Bennett got himself up and ready rather begrudgingly so… he didnt feel like going to class also his hand hurt like a son of a bitch…

-----

After class his friend fischl came up to him as he was getting ready to leave.

“Bennett, would you care to accompany me to a cafe? Razor is now too busy to amuse me so i must ask you instead” she huffed, embarrassed

“Of course id love to come, you dont need to be so awkward about it” he chuckled

“Thank you…” she blushed awkwardly..

“Of course, lets go then” bennett said, unchaining his bike and stuffing the lock and chain is his bag… getting on it.. It was a two person bike so he patted the backseat for fischl..

“You still dont have your bike fixed right? We can take mine” he offered.. Bennett had gotten a two seater bike since fischls would frequently break and well.. Her parents arent the best so they wouldnt get her a new one, meaning bennett often rode her home.

-------

After their little buddy hangout bennett rode fischl to her home

“Be safe bennett, goodnight” she called out as she walked into her house…

Bennett sighed.. It always sucked since fischl was pretty far from his apartment but hes gonna be the best friend he can always be to her and razor, so it was really no big deal…

It was already dark out so he really needed to hurry… i mean he had so much homework to catch on… hed been pretty sluggish and lazy with his work.. Even his teachers had been bugging him relentlessly about it all…

Though on his way to his house a stranger walking down the sidewalk he was on stopped-- bennett, obviously not to crash into this person, stopped… the hodded person stood… he felt uneasy…

Under the street light there was a glimmer from the persons hand… it was a..knife..

“H..hey..i dont want..any harm…” bennett said-- his voice faltering… slowly pulling his bike back with his feet… he needed to run.

“Give me the bike and your bag and i wont have to cut you”

Just his luck…of course he of all people would get mugged like an idiot…stupid…stupid!

“O..okay” he said.. Getting of the bike… he couldnt let this guy have his bag though… no way in hell..

As soon as bennett stepped off the bike the dude came to and grabbed the handle…. Bennett reached to take his bag off then…

Took off…

“Hey!!” the dude shouted-- chasing after-- bennett ran faster than he could imagine down the road. He needed to get away and the hell home…

Hes gonna die-- hes gonna die right?? How could this happen to him?? This world is so fucked up…he felt a hand grab him----- bennett could barely let out a scream before the hand suddenly let go--

It was a flash of darkness behind him as he turned in horror--- like time was moving slower than he could imagine….

Someone had tackled the man chasing him… blue hair.

But that man swung the knife in his hand-- bennett watched as the blade cut a gash into the persons cheek--- oh god…

Bennett lunged to-- pushing the person no injured off--grabbing the knife hastily-- his only thought was to slam it right into the attackers shoulder

“ARGH--!” the hooded man shouted in agony-- on his back on the floor now--

Without a second thought bennett grabbed the man who saved him’s arm and ran like the fucking wind

“Oh my god it's you again--!” the person shouted-- shocked, holding his cheek that was practically bleeding everywhere, staining his white shirt.

Bennett hadnt spared a glance at the guy who saved him, he just needed to get away as soon and as fast as possible

After a solid 5 minutes of endless running they made it to bennetts apartment to which he hastily unlocked the door and threw him and the stranger in… breathing heavily… he has never run like that in his entire fucking life…

Bennett turned to the guy and wasnt really sure if he should laugh or cry…

“What the hell are the chances?” bennett laughed-- probably out of pure fucking shock. “Actually n..no not the point-- are you okay??” bennett asked worriedly

“I should ask you that..” chongyun huffed…

“Youre the one bleeding-- here wait here--” Bennett said hurriedly.. There was no fucking way Chongyun-- the fucking idol was in his house bleeding everywhere after saving his damn life

Bennett came back with a wet rag-- he insisted chongyun sit down so he could take care of that awful gash in his face..

“Man will i have a story to tell the others..” chongyun chuckled.. “Youre a lot more casual than yesterday”

“With how many times we’ve met i practically feel like were friends” bennett huffed… wiping away and pressing down on his wound..

“Are you okay..?” bennett asked worriedly..

“Yeah.. i'm very glad i helped you out before that dude stabbed you…” he sighed-- hissing at the sting of alcohol in his wound..

“Yeah but youre injured now.. What are you gonna tell fans? Youre still on tour arent you?” bennett asked..

“Youre so…calm..” chongyun practically ignored that part.

“What?”

“I mean like…. Youre not being weird around me even when youre a fan… it's kind of nice” chongyun sighed…

“It's not an appropriate time to be crying about the fact that my bias is in front of me and i'm cleaning his injury after he saved my life” bennett said.. “God…this might be really bad… you might need to get this stitched up.” bennett muttered

“You think so..? Gosh the others are gonna be super upset with me” chongyun said.. “Hows your hand by the way..?” he asked

“It's fine… i'm not worried about that i'm worried about you” bennett said… he was trying to keep calm but his mind and heart was racing a billion miles an hour… this really was like some wattpad story-- what the hell are the chances??

“Why were you out alone anyways? Arent idols supposed to always have guards with them and stuff?” bennett asked, holding the rag to chongyuns face…this felt too close… like he was breaking every boundary of being an idol ever… no fan should be this intimate with an idol…especially not some loser like bennett..

“I wanted to take a stroll…i was actually going to the market hoping maybe id run into you” chongyun said.

Bennett blushed deeply, almost dropping the rag…

“What?”

“Sorry that sounded weird. I just wanted to be sure your hand was okay” chongyun said calmly… bennett is going mad right?

“Theres no way you were that concerned..right? Are you even the real chongyun? Am..am i going crazy right now?” bennett asked

“What? No.. of course i was worried i hurt a fan-- an incredibly understanding one at that..” chongyun said. “I felt terrible that you were injured because of me” chongyun frowned.

Bennett stared at him and grabbed his hand, making him hold the rag to his face instead
“Let me call your manager to get you… i cant really take you to the hospital myself and it's also not safe for an idol to be in a random fans house like this..” bennett said, trying to keep his bearings. He needed to get chongyun out before he exploded…

“Oh…apologies for troubling you..” chongyun said..

“Youre not bugging me i'm very worried about your face and your career right now. I cant think straight and i might implode if you stay here any longer” bennett said, looking at the card chongyun gave him last night.. Dialing the number..

“Youre very nice… a lot nicer than most people”

“Youre an idol.. What am i supposed to do? Youre in my house bleeding out your face and i'm concered..” bennett said… staring at his phone practically begging someone to pick up.

*click*

“Hello?” a womans voice asked..

“Umm..hello is this Ningguang? I'm sure your idol chongyun told you about what happened last night umm.. Hes kind of at my house bleeding out of his face because some guy attacked me and he saved me… hes gonna need medical attention but i dont have a way to take him to a hospital… can you pick him up..?”

“You make me sound like i'm some little kid you met on the street” chongyun groaned

“Please hand chongyun the phone” the stern sounding woman said. Chongyun seemed pretty tense but bennett held the phone to him …

“Hello miss ningguang..” chongyun said awkwardly.

“You buffoon. You have a show tomorrow night. How are you going to go up on stage with a giant cut on your face?” she huffed…

“I'm sorry ma’am but… someones life was in danger-- if i didnt interfere they could have died..” chongyun said softly

Bennett felt guilty now..

“Ill send a driver to get you and take you to the hospital. Are you and this person the only ones in the house?” she asked

“Yeah we are- this building is pretty empty so dont worry about him being spotted or anything..” bennett said

Ningguang sighed

“You just stay there and dont get hurt like this again young man. Your fans are going to bombard you with millions of questions after this” she said

“Okay…im sorry”

“Good, now stay still ill tell the driver to text you. Goodbye”

*click*

“Wow…i um…im sorry” bennett said awkwardly… it really showed that this guy was just another person… but wow that woman sounded mean..

“Do you have to deal with that all the time..?” bennett asked

“All of us do. It's the pressure of being an idol” he sighed.

“Right…um.. Let me get you a new shirt, youre covered in blood practically..

Bennett rushed off to dig in his closet.. Finding a shirt big enough to fit chongyun, as well as getting a new clean wet rag for chongyun to wipe off any blood on his neck chest and hands…

“here .. um my bathroom is over there.. You should probably wash the blood off you.. Ill try and bandage your wound after” bennett said..

“Thanks..” chongyun said awkwardly, taking the rag and shirt, walking off to the bathroom…

Bennett sighed and plopped on his bed when the bathroom door closed.. What the hell dude? What crazy fucked up fantasy was this?? Why was chongyun in his house? Why did chongyun save him? Why did he run into chongyun and hutao yesterday??

He should have just gone home! Stupid bennett.. Now youre in a weird situation with your favorite idol whos injured and in your house-- whos about to put on your clothes and and..

Bennett groaned, hiding his face in his hands.. This is so stupidly insane. What the hell?? If any fan of theirs found out bennett would be killed. Fans are so fucking crazy-- hes starting to feel like he should have never went to that concert…

Chongyun walked out the bathroom… in Bennetts shirt… he swears he was gonna faint..

“Ill um..return this to you afterwards.. Thank you” chongyun said..

“Dont, you can keep it” he said.. “Uh..lets get you patched up and out of here” bennett said..

----

Chongyun was soon picked up by his driver… bennett treaded back inside with a heavy sigh..

He noticed something on the chair chongyun had been sitting in. a tiny piece of paper..

Bennett picked it up.. There was a phone number on it
“I wanna make this up to you, heres my number” - chongyun

“Wha…what the fuck?” Bennett said under his breath

What the fuck!?

Chapter Text

It was another night of their tour, now in the east of mondstat-- Windrise… chongyun had a lot of explaining to do regarding his new injury…

“So you all might have a lot of questions about the big bandage over my face…so to ease your concerns first let me state that i'm perfectly okay and received stitches for my injury” chongyun said into the mic.. It was near the shows ending and they were chit-chatting with the crowd…

“Last night i stopped a guy from attacking and potentially harming someone i've met before and well, the attacker got a pretty good hit on my face and here we are now… i assure that me and my acquaintance are okay and unharmed- aside from my cheek” he said, the crowd cheered for him…

It wasn't something to be thanked for though… he was just protecting someone… these people always take everything they do and make it some grand amazing thing..

It annoyed him…

--------

-Idol Chonyun announced at concert about his facial injury and how it happened-

Chinese-Korean Pop artist Chongyun announced at his groups (4-arbor) Fall tour on September 4th- just 3 days before his birthday, that he had gotten a severe facial injury after protecting and saving an “acquaintance” of his when they were threatened and chased down by a knifed man. He mentions that due to the severity of the injury, he was in need of stitches the night of the accident, claiming that he and his acquaintance were completely unharmed aside from his face. Chongyun mentions that the acquaintance and him ran back to their apartment and the person took care of his injury calmly while awaiting his personal driver to take him to the hospital. Fans ask questions about the relationship between him and said person, even going so far as to assume there may have been more to why he let himself be injured for their sake.
“I bet they're dating” Twitter user swinji2000 states. “Why would he put his beautiful face and life at stake all for someone he probably barely knows? It's obvious hes dating someone. I hate him.” Twitter user quincyyahhh says.

More updates on this as it progresses-

Chongyun huffed in frustration, throwing his phone on his bed.
“They're all so insufferable!” he said angrily

“Woah-- chongyun calm down… i know the media sucks but this is to be expected…we cant do anything about them.” hutao said

“They take everything out of proportion though-- all i did was protect that guy and theyre assuming I'm dating him now??”

“They don't even know it's a dude.. You should be glad they dont think that or else all of the stupid gay rumors are gonna happen again and everyone is just gonna be homophobic” hutao sighed-- holding chongyuns hand.

Chongyun huffed angrily… this is stupid..absolutely stupid..

------------

“Dating!?” bennett cried out

“What?” Albedo asked…

“No--um…just read this, ill explain”

He handed the phone to albedo.. Letting him read the article… fischl and razor peeking over his shoulder..

“So what? Are you jealous that some idol might be dating someone?”

“No! The person hes talking about is me!” bennett said

“Shut up, i dont believe you” fischl said

“It's a long story--- but thats how i got my hand injured-- after the concert i went to i ran into chongyun and hutao” bennett whispered… “literally… i ended up dropping a bottle and fell onto it.. And then the next day after i dropped fischl off i got mugged for my bike-- the guy wanted my bag too and i ran.. Thats when he came out of nowhere and tackled the dude-- the person hes talking about-- the persons house he was in, who helped him clean his wound-- it was me!” he insisted

“Is that why you dont have your bike today??” fischl asked shocked “i told you to be safe” she huffed

“I was! I didnt ask to get mugged-- i could have died if he didnt save me!” bennett said…

“Okay relax. We hear you. But why are you so shocked? This is how all crazy kpop fans act, they always assume the worst of everyone and everything”

“Yeah but-- what if they come after me…if they find out who i am..” bennett said

“Youll be fine, just dont be stupid.” albedo said

Bennett looked hesitant..

“He gave me his phone number too..” bennett said awkwardly..

“Now you should be worried” razor shrugged

“I am worried-- i dont even know why hed give me his number-- he told me he wanted to make it up to me but-- hes an idol and i'm a fan-- do you know what happens if those two mix?? Death and the end of his career” bennett sobbed, putting his head in his hands..

Fischl patted his back solemnly
“Youll be fine. Just dont contact him, easy. Fans cant find out about your ‘relationship’ if there was never one to begin with” she said

“I guess youre right..” he sighed sadly…

-----

That night when bennett got home, he was sitting at his desk working when his phone buzzed..

Checking it…it was a message request from someone hes never heard about before.

Cautiously he opened it and read it.

Dexx2019827:
Hey
Youre the person chongyun talked about at his concert arent you?

Bennett felt his heart sink… what the fuck?

Bokudan_m.o:
I dont know what youre talking about.

Dexx2019827:
-3 attatchments-

It was…pictures of Him and chongyun running-- bennett holding his hand

Bokudan_m.o:
Where did you get those

Dexx2019827:
Not important. Youre also the person who made the post on reddit about “running into an idol” right? I could see your hand bandaged just like you mentioned.

Bennett couldnt respond… he felt..sick.

Dexx2019827: no response? Well, i just want you to know i'm watching you. If you do anything funny to our chongyun youll be dead before you know it.

Bennett exited the chat immediately.. He needs to contact chongyun…

Grabbing the paper he left on his desk with chongyuns number he immediately (and extremely urgently) dialed chongyuns phone… praying hed answer.

Ring…ring…
Ring…ring…

Come on…pick up.

Ring…ri--
*click*

“Hello?”

“Ch--chongyun. It's me-- i think were both in some serious fucking danger and i need you--or somebody.”

“What? What do you mean in danger? Are you okay?” he asked

“I recieved a dm from a stranger and they have what i think is street camera footage of us running.. They know i'm the person you mentioned in your speech during the concert-- and they said theyll kill me if anything happens and i dont know what to do-- i think they know where i live” bennett was panicking.

“Oh hell-- okay just stay there, i'm sending the driver to get you from your place and take you somewhere safe. Pack whatever you need to.. If they know where you are youre not safe there anymore.. I know how psychotic these people can be..” he said…

A voice from afar came from the phone

“Chongyuuun who are you calling at this hour?” what sounded like xiangling asked…

“No body---” he sounded panicked before hanging up… bennett felt his heart sink.

Hes not safe anymore..? Not safe at home? Or at school? They know his identity… if it gets out who he is-- theyll kill him.

Bennett hurriedly packed as much of his stuff he could.. He wasnt safe. He may never be safe again..

--------

Bennett was quickly picked up by the driver-- getting in chongyun was in the back seat..

“We’ll have to take you someplace you can lay low… but this whole district is now unsafe for you” chongyun frowned… bennett felt sick… all because he got saved because he ran into them… all because he went to that concert. He did this to himself..

------

After a lot of begging their manager, Ningguang allowed Bennett to stay in the dormitories of the company building..

“You are never to enter dance, practice or music rooms ever, youre free to explore the building and use the kitchen freely, when you exit the building you must be covered up completely to hide your identity. Youre lucky chongyun begged me enough to let you stay, you shall cause no trouble to any idol working here and are prohibited from taking pictures, videos or audio recordings of them unless they explicitly give you consent to do so. Understand? You can stay here until the drama you two caused dies down” she huffed..

“Yes of course ma’am… thank you sincerely..” bennett said, bowing

“Thank you miss ningguang- i promise to work extra hard for you” chongyun bowed as well

“Good, now go get back to practicing chongyun” she said before walking off… leaving them alone in front of bennetts stay in room.

“I'm sorry about all this..” bennett sighed

“Dont be. It's okay, even if we barely know eachother i'm glad to know i could help you.. Just um… lay low, dont tell anyone about you being here, okay?” chongyun said

“Yeah… i wont..thank you” bennett said, opening his door…

“Oh and bennett” chongyun said

“Yeah?”

“Just be careful whenever you go out. Youll get sniffed out easily if you dont..” he said

“I know.. Thanks” bennett said.. Walking into his room and closing the door.. Chongyun stood alone…

What has he gotten himself into..? Letting a fan of his live in the company dorms… hes really lost his marbles now…

But it didnt even feel like bennett was a fan.. It just felt like he was a friend-- someone he knows… bennett didnt ever act weird to him, he didnt praise him for his very existence… he just… saw him as another person..

Something about it made chongyuns heart flutter… is this what it's like to have friends who arent his bandmates..?

He sounded stupid…

--------

“So ningguang said it was totally okay for him to stay.. He promised not to bother any of us so you dont have to worry” chongyun insisted

“I dont know… what if he ends up being weird?” xiangling asked

“Yeah, it's also a fan.. I get hes been nice to you but having a fan living here is kinda weird..” hutao huffed

“Hes not bad i promise-- i really think so… hes so..calm around me and he doesn't treat me like i'm famous--”

“Maybe he just liked you that much” xingqiu butted in

“Likes me?”

“Yeah… what if he gets a crush on you or something..? You know were not allowed to have relationships.. If you two are ‘friends’ and he likes you, what will people think if they find out?” hutao asked

“But you guys act like id like him back…” chongyun frowned

“He has your phone number, and called you basically crying about how his life was in danger. Your response was to show up to his house and bring him here” xingqiu said

“I gave him my number because i wanted to do something in return for him cleaning up my wound… hes nice to me.. I couldnt let me be endangered by our fans either”

“Youve been wearing his shirt since the night he gave it to you. You willingly step foot into his house-- you begged our manager to let him live here!” xiangling said

“Why are you guys being mean?? I just wanted to help someone who was in danger-- and youre treating me like he deserved to die or something!” chongyun shouted

The room went quiet…

Chongyun huffed angrily and rushed out the room without another word… they dont care.. But he does, it matters to him.. If someone-- anyone's life was in danger he would always do anything to save them… he never would have saved bennett and let himself be injured if he didnt…

They just have no empathy…

Chapter Text

Bennett was lying in his bed unable to sleep when there was a gentle knock at the door…
“Come in” he called out.. The door opened and chongyun came in..

“I know i'm not really allowed to be talking to you…but i wanted to be sure you were doing okay… i mean id be..not okay if i got threatened like that…”

Bennett sat up and looked at him..

“Why are you breaking rules for me?” he asked

“Huh?”

“You gave me your number… and youve interacted with me on several occasions.. You let me live in the company building when i'm just some random fan and youre now talking to me when youre no supposed to… why?” bennett huffed

“I…dont exactly know why… i felt this…sense of guilt.. Letting this happen to a fan of mine.. Youve been kind to me and well..i trust you is all” chongyun said shyly

Bennett wanted to cry, or laugh, or something… but… that look on chongyuns face…he was being serious… wasnt he?

“But why me? I mean-- youve interacted with so many people as an idol.. Youve met so many fans, so why me specifically? What did i do to get your attention..?” bennett asked…

What did he do…? Bennett was like everyone else… bennett was another face in the crowd. Bennett was a stranger just like everyone else… theyve only ‘known’ eachother for less than a week but chongyun… felt the need to see him again.. And to help him.. He gave him his number… he came to his rescue.. He took a hit for him… but why?

Bennett was nothing like his other fans… everyone would scream and shout and throw flowers and give him gifts… but bennett just…talked to him… not weirdly, or obsessively.. He didnt look at chongyun and panic because he was his bias… he just talked to him like a normal person.

He talked to him like a friend.

“I just… i dont know” chongyun sighed… as much as he wanted to… he couldnt be his friend… hes already in danger as is… being his friend would just make his situation worse…

“I'm gonna go… i.. Yelled at the others and i should apologize. I'm sorry for bothering you if i did…”

“You yelled at them..? Why?” bennett asked

“They dont… trust you is all..” chongyun said before leaving, closing the door..

Bennett sat in his bed confused… chongyun.. Yelled at the other members for not trusting him?

He felt…even guiltier now…

---------------

A week went by and bennett felt..alone… sure hed occasionally run into chongyun in the halls in the mornings… or hed come in and say hi for a bit before having to go practice… but most of the time he was there alone… 4-arbor was ending their tour… but… itd still be empty in there when it was over.

He should just leave.. It's not like any of them would notice he was gone… they were barely there anyways..

While everyone was sleeping bennett shoved all his stuff back into his bags and covered himself up like he promised to do if he ever exited the building.. The least he could do was not give them trouble when he leaves…

He’ll stop contacting chongyun.. He wont talk to him again, it's for the better, right?

It was more disappointing than hurtful.. Yeah it still sucked… but.. It's not like he meant anything to them, he was a stranger who was endangered by their fans…

He’ll just find elsewhere to hide… till hes forgotten about.

--------

That morning chongyun didnt see bennett in the halls like normal… okay, so maybe hes just sleeping in.. he wont bother him…

But that evening when he went to go talk to him during his break, there was no response on the other side of the door… maybe hes sleeping?

Chongyun couldnt shake the curiosity away… slowly, he opened the door and turned the light on..

It was empty. None of his stuff was there, his bed was made…

Chongyun felt…guilty… did he drive him away..? He left without saying anything… has he been gone all day..?

Chongyun tried calling him but there wasnt a response. He called again and nothing… he texted him and nothing…

He left because of him…

------

Bennett rented a hotel closer to his school… he couldnt go back home but he still needed to get to and from school…a hotel was kind of expensive but he had money saved up anyways.. Itll be fine, mostly.

Bennett felt sad.. Guilty. Leaving that that.. Chongyun had texted and called him so much it started to feel like he was the idol or something..

Not literally but… chongyun seemed so..keen on bennett. He couldnt understand why. Why did he give a damn about him?

His heart was heavy… should he call back..? Let him know hes okay..? What if chongyun is worried sick?

Not that he would be.. Why would he ever care about him…? It just made no sense at all…

He could only sigh when his phone buzzed yet again.

---------

“Chongyun. Whats going on with you dude? You have been out of touch with every practice we’ve been doing” tartaglia said, stopping practice… shooing the other 3 away so he could talk to him alone…

“I dont know.. I'm sorry” he said, not able to look at him.

“You gotta tell me dude, or tell someone. Whats going on?” he asked

Chongyun sighed… should he talk about it? But what if he doesn't care…?

“It's…a long story…” he sighed..

“Then tell me, i'm all ears.” tartaglia smiled..

“Are you sure?” chongyun asked, shocked

“Just because i'm harsh on you guys sometimes doesn't mean i cant hear you out when you need it. So tell me, what happened?” he asked

Chongyun sighed..

-----------

The days, the weeks…they went by slowly… every once in a while hed get a text or call from chongyun… he was still persistent…

The world felt bland again… didnt feel like there was much to do… wake up…go to school, go home. Or as home as this hotel could be…

Bennett felt sick… he wanted to go back to his apartment.. But he couldnt…

Well he could. But he was scared to. He hadnt seen any new articles regarding the situation… but he was still…afraid.

His heart hurt..strangely so…whether it was his fear. Or regret..or guilt..

He was just so…stupid.

-------

Chongyun couldnt feel better though… he felt down.. Sad. he didnt know why but he desperately wanted to hear back from bennett…he just…did…

He called…just this last time.

------

Bennetts phone rang.. His heart hurt….

He should answer… if he just answers…he wont feel guilty anymore.

Just this once.

-------

Chongyun walked by himself that night. An answer but no response. He felt..empty for some reason.

He kept his head to the ground as he walked… cars passed by, people chattered, lights flicked off, streets flicked on.

He wanted a friend for once.

“Chongyun…”

-------

Bennett wanted to get away…go back home… forget about it all…

The memory was trapped in his hand still.

He packed his stuff, he left… hed walk home. Even if he got attacked again, that was his fate, wasnt it?

He stopped. But he didnt.

So he called out

“Chongyun…”

-------

Chongyun looked up. Suddenly the streets felt empty. His eyes werent.

Bennett was standing there. Far, but close enough to reach out for…

This is wrong. Youll get in trouble. Your fans will hate you. The world will hate you. Your career will be over. You cant be near him… you cant be his friend…

He accepted the hug regardless…

“Why did you go…?” chongyun practically begged to know… holding tight. He didnt know why he cared… he didnt know why he wanted to see him again… the others disapproved of their friendship… but chongyun had been needing someone so desperately in his life for once. Someone who was there for him.. Not who he was.

“I didnt want to… i had to.” bennett said… his heart pounded a million miles an hour… he didnt expect a hug… he didnt expect to see chongyun in general… but maybe it was where the world needed him to be.

Maybe it was his fate.

----------

That next morning… he felt empty again.

He layed in his bed and he felt lost….

“I'm doing it for you..” he said

“Dont do it for me… stay for me…dont leave for me..”

“I'm sorry”

He sighed… another day. Another day and no friend to hold him…

Not like he held him.

Chapter Text

That morning chongyun showed up at Bennett's apartment.. It was very early in the morning so it's not like anyone would see him…

The door opened and a very tired-looking Bennett stood there..

“Chongyun..?” he yawned… rubbing his eyes…

“Hi…can i..um..come in?” he asked

“Oh…um..yeah..sure” Bennett said, feeling awkward.. He wasnt necessarily dressed for company but oh well.. He stepped out the way and let him in.. closing the door.

“Why are you here at this hour.. No actually.. Why are you here in general?” Bennett asked, sitting on his bed..

“Oh..umm.. Well.. we got a break today.. Since we’re finally off tour.. I just wanted to say hi..or um…maybe hang out with you?” chongyun asked sheepishly… plastering a shy grin on his face…

“Uh…yeah okay… we can hang out..um..” Bennett ruffled his hair tiredly “ there's not much to do here…did you wanna go out or something?” he asked

“Oh-- well… yes, i can pay even” chongyun insisted

“Cmon, really? I know you have money but you dont have to pay for everything” he huffed.

“But..”

“Let me. Just uh… i need some more sleep… it's 5 in the morning..” Bennett sighed…

“Ahh.. i'm so sorry.. I came too early…” he frowned…

“No no it's okay you can just hang out here.. Just be quiet while i sleep… i sleep really lightly…” he yawned..

“Of course.. I can do that..”

“Cool..” bennett sighed… getting back into bed… his back facing chongyun…

Chongyun stared-- just for a brief moment… he stared at Bennett…

Chongyun wanted to be his friend so badly… he didn't know why… but he liked bennett's company…

It was starting to feel like chongyun was the obsessed fan and Bennett was the idol… it felt..strange…

Chongyun felt strange. He couldn't understand why…

---------

That whole day was probably the best day of chongyuns life… he's never had so much fun with someone that wasn't his bandmates… he felt so free, so alive…

He didn't grow up with any friends… he didn't have people to have fun with… he thought 4-arbor would be his break-- finally able to have fun but it grew tiresome…

But bennett… he was so interesting to talk to… he had so much to say, so much to think of… chongyun wished he had such an imagination… such a way to be so free with his mind…

They went out and ate, hung out at a park, watched a movie and even played games at Bennett's place…

Bennett could see how happy this made chongyun… he looked so excited…

“You don't get out much do you?” Bennett asked… they were taking a walk to the market…the one they met at…

Chongyun insisted on cooking dinner for Bennett after they were done with all their plans.. It was already getting kinda late out anyways…

“Um.. not really… we spend a lot of time in the company building… we only get out when we have filming for tv or if we’ve done good with our recent work theyll give us about a 2 week vacation.. It's not often though” he sighed…

“Did you enjoy spending time with me?” Bennett asked…

Chongyun seemed a little flustered by the sudden question… of course he did… how could he not..?

Why did he feel so embarrassed by saying yes?

“Of course i did…i…felt like i actually had a friend for once in my life..” chongyun said bashfully…

Bennett stopped..

“Huh?”

Chongyun panicked inside..

“W-what?”

“What you said--- you… You've never had friends..?” Bennett asked.

“Well…not really….i was the loner kid growing up… most people didnt want to spend time with me because they thought i was…weird” he sighed.

There was an awkward pause between the two…

“You know… i was the same way as a kid..” he sighed “and even now i still am, my 2 friends are much of friends to me but i do my best for them even if they don't care… i can't lie and say i don't feel the same way you do… because i really do feel like i spent time with a friend today” Bennett chuckled awkwardly

“Oh… i was…actually worried all day i might have been too up in your space… but…i appreciate you telling me this..really” chongyun said…

“You weren't in my space at all. I was just…shocked i guess… i wouldn't expect you of all people to wanna spend time with me-- or find me remotely interesting.” Bennett said

“Of course i find you interesting… i cant understand how anyone wouldn't… you have…so much to offer. So much more than me at least.” chongyun sighed.

“I'm sure you have just as much to offer chongyun, promise”

But… he knew that was a lie.

---------

“Ew!!! I dont want it after you touched it you weirdo!” the girls squealed like they were in agony. Chongyun found the girls school badge on the floor and wanted to give it back… but they were so mean…

“But..” he frowned…

“Go away!” she yelled..

--------

Chongyun would eat alone in the corner of the halls, away from everyone else… nobody would sit with him, talk to him… the only time people looked at him was to grimace or make mean faces…

Then a guy came along…

“Maybe you just need a makeover, i'm sure the girls will love you afterward,” the guy said… he was so kind to him…

“I've always wanted to be an idol… it's like my biggest dream in the whole world” he would tell so many amazing stories. He sang for chongyun, danced for chongyun. He looked, he sounded.. He was so absolutely gorgeous.. … hed done chongyuns hair and makeup.. He made him feel beautiful for once…

Chongyun fell in love.

He treated chongyun with such…respect… care… nobody had ever made him feel this way before… he didn't know he liked guys…but…

He made him feel what true love was…

Then it all happened…

The threats, the bullying.. The harassment…

The day it happened, there were flowers and mean writing all over his desk.

They wanted him gone…

“Hey… why dont we go to the game store after school..yeah? Ill get you anything you want..” chongyun insisted.

“It's cool dude. I think i'm just gonna go home after school..”

Chongyuns stomach churned…

“Let me walk you--”

“It's okay, really, your house is closer, i don't want you walking alone”

“Then come to my house.. We can hang out” chongyun tried but he wouldnt budge…

He sighed…

----------

“A ceremony is being held this evening at Qixing Academy after one of their Students ‘------- ----------’ took his own life in his residence….students and teachers say it was due to the intensive bullying he had received, students claiming he was a homosexual after he became friends with another male student”

Chongyun was the only one crying that day.

Chongyun wanted to live out what he could have been…
He became the idol his friend wanted to be.

He fixed himself… he grew confident, he danced, he sang. He practiced hours and hours and hours of his life away… he started failing classes. His parents were mad, they hated him for being such a terrible son. Why couldnt he be just like his older sister and older brother? They had well-paying jobs, they were scholars. But he wanted to be a dancer. Dancers dont get real money… if he was going to pursue that dream he could leave… and if he went back he had to apologize…

Chongyun never went back.

----------

“Miss ningguang.. I have an amazing idea… please hear me out” chongyun pleaded…

And thats how 4-arbor came to light… he introduced the idea of a girl/guy group… she tried to disagree saying that it would be wrong to let male and female idols live and work together… but he insisted…

He asked online what they would think of it… it blew up… so much positive feedback, ningguang had to say yes…

----------

It was months before their debut… hu tao was feeling unsure… there was a lot of pressure and hate towards her after stuff about her past came out…

She was accused of bullying when she was in elementary and middle school… it was so stupid…how easily the media could take over your life when you were an idol…

She was so depressed after it all… she barely ate, and while fans praised her thinness chongyun and the others knew why… why it came to this point…

He was scared… he thought it was happening again… hutao was family to him… he cant let her lead the same path…

So chongyun did everything in his power to ease the pain of the members… hed go out his way to delete every hate comment he could… block every nasty dm… would hide pages and articles on their phones that contained hate content…

Hed treat them like they were his life… he loves 4-arbor and hed do anything for their happiness… anything.

----------

Chongyun and Bennett were back at his place… chongyun cooking dinner like he promised he would. Tonight he was making beef chow fun (干炒牛河) it was a simple dish but chongyun really wanted Bennett to try food from his background… it's not the same when he cooks for 4-arbor because they're also Chinese… but letting someone try family recipes that wasnt Asian felt…good..like he got to share something he loved with someone new…

Bennett was currently in the main room where his bed was laying down after saying his head was starting to hurt… if chongyun had known he would have made fish head soup for him… unfortunately it was door dark out for chongyun to go alone to the market… so he insisted bennett lay down and drink some water…

Chongyun sighed… cooking like this made him feel like he was at home again… he started cooking extremely young because his parents were always so busy… sometimes hed even cook for his older siblings when they were sick…

--------

“Chun Xiao… you need to eat something… you cant keep doing homework when youre sick” chongyun was only 8 at this time… he had brought his older sister soup and dumplings for dinner… she had be locked up in her room the whole day studying away… she was only 16 and she spent so much time working…working…working…

“I'm fine chongyun… my finals are soon, i have to study”

“Please..? I made you food..” he pouted.. “Please come sit and eat with me sister..”

“Chongyun i can't, you know mom and dad will get on me if i don't pass… you should be studying too you know” she huffed.

Chongyun frowned… why did his parents have to be so mean to them…? His sister deserved to go out and play.. But instead, she was stuck doing hard equations and 20-page essays all for college.. All for a good job… all because their parents wanted them to be amazing…

“Okay..” he said, defeated…leaving his sister to her studies… he’ll just eat alone again..

------

Chongyun finished cooking and came out with the food…setting it on the coffee table in the middle of the room… bennett seemed to be fast asleep…

Chongyun walked over and gently tapped him… he felt bad waking him but he had to eat something..

“I finished with dinner” chongyun said.

“Mmhh..?” he groaned “give me a bit..” he huffed..

“Oh..okay” chongyun didnt mean to sound hurt…it just..sounded like his siblings.. Theyd always dismiss him whenever he wanted them to eat or spend time with him..

Suddenly, bennett sat up quickly…

“Sorry that sounded mean. Lets eat, okay?” bennett said urgently… chongyun looked startled…

“Oh..yeah okay..” why did he react like that..?

The two enjoyed a nice dinner together, they chatted about their lives, their childhood….

“Why did you become an idol anyways..? I've heard it's really hard to debut…”

“Oh…well…its not a very happy story… but… i did it for someone i knew” he said…

“Do you regret it..?”

“Not at all” he chuckled… he couldnt regret it…hed never be where he was if it wasnt for him… if he never walked into his life…

---------

“God where the hell is chongyun?” xiangling huffed

“It is our break day.. But hes not allowed to be out this late” xingqiu said

“Hes not answering any of my calls either” hutao sighed…

“If he doesn't come back in an hour we’ll just have to tell ningguang…” xingqiu shrugged, looking at his phone

“I dont want him to get in trouble though” hutao pouted

“Yeah but i rather him be in trouble than potentially be in danger or something.. If a fan spots him hes getting harassed immediately” xiangling said

Suddenly the dorm room door opened and in came chongyun looking like he just received the best news of his life.

“Where have you been?? We’ve been so worried!” hutao cried

“You look really happy too, what were you up to??” xiangling asked

“I..spent some time with a friend is all” he blushed…

“Shut up. Youve been hanging out with that bennett guy havent you?? Dont tell us youre in love or something” hutao huffed

“N-no! I'm not-- we’re friends-- besides.. I cant break company rules like that” he huffed

“So then why do you look so happy? Youre like..happier than normal” xiangling stated

“Well.. we got to hang out… and we played video games together.. We talked a lot…” chongyuns normally pale face was getting darker with red in his cheeks as the seconds passed… “i even got to cook him dinner..”

“You have a crush on him!” hutao exclaimed

“I dont--!”

“Chongyun you totally do, youre blushing like crazy” xingqiu laughed

“Yun yun-- you cant! Besides-- what will people think if youre in an expected relationship with a fan??” xiangling asked

“I-i'm not into him really-- we just share a lot in common-- hes really nice to me…” chongyun flushed…

“Nobody gets that happy about talking and playing video games with some boy theyve known less than 2 months-- you are absolutely crushing on him” hutao said

“You cant blame him, hes a cute guy” xingqiu said

“Do you still have that shirt of his??” xiangling asked

“I--i just forgot to give it back! It has nothing to do with our friendship status!” chongyun complained..

“Right. Chongyun you know this isnt good for you or any of us… if you take things farther with that guy your fans will find and hunt the poor kid down as well as you-- think about it” hu tao said

“But i don't… i really don't like him like that… i just like having a friend outside of you guys for once-- he makes me feel like i actually have someone--” chongyun huffed

“You have us” xingqiu said “are we not enough?”

“No that's not what i mean-- you guys are like family hes like… like..”

“That boy, right?” hu tao asked..

Chongyun hesitated…

“Well…i..guess…” he frowned… he didn't wanna think about it.

“Just keep your feelings in check chongyun. You know what will happen if you don't.” xingqiu said…

…

They were right… he could only be his friend, nothing more.

Not that he wanted more.

At all.

Chapter Text

As the weeks passed chongyun would take every chance to text or call Bennett… it was silly but he loved sending him funny memes and stuff or just talking to him. It made him feel good about his life.

These days chongyun was always happily on his phone… most of the time he would focus on training, never on his phone ever because his body and mind were important, not the online world… but now chongyun had a new line of focus in his life…

Chongyun-do you wanna hang out today?-
Bennett- are you free?-
Chongyun- I wouldn't ask if I wasnt… is that a yes?
Bennett- yeah sure what do u wanna do

Chongyun blushed… another day he gets to spend with Bennett

Chongyun- we should do karaoke and get hotpot. I can ask to see if xq xl and ht wanna come too-
Bennett- hotpot sounds awesome. I'm not much of a singer tho… :((-
Chongyun- you don't have to be it's okay. So is it a yes?-
Bennett- ofc what time?-
Chongyun- 5:30? I'll pick u up-
Bennett- okayyyy ill see u then:]-

Chongyun grinned… he hadn't had hot pot in a while and itd be nice to get a good meal with his friends…

“What are you grinning about?” hutao asked, standing in front of him
Chongyun looked up, flushed..

“Oh- hu tao.. Do you wanna get hotpot with me and Bennett..? I was gonna ask you right now..”
“Hotpot? If you wanna… are we just getting dinner?”

“Oh no-- i also wanted to do karaoke.. I can rent a room now.. I told Bennett id come pick him up at 5 30…” he blushed

Hu tao sighed

“Sure ill come, as long as you guys aren't being weird with each other”

“W-we are not weird! Were just friends hu tao” he complained

"Okay" she laughed

Chongyun didn't get why they insisted there was more. Bennett was his friend… he liked spending time with his *friend* why was it so weird to them?

Whatever. It doesn't matter anyways… he was gonna hang out with his friend and that was it.

--------

Xiangling and xingqiu agreed to come as well, the 5 were in the car on the way to the restaurant, and they reserved a room so they wouldn't be in a public space being bothered by fans..

"Remember if anyone sees and asks who you are you just say youre part of our management team okay?" Hutao said..

"Yeah, i can do that…" Bennett said shyly… it was kind of cool… getting to hang out with idols like this… he felt important in a way…

When they got inside they were lead to their room and given menus…

“Wow.. there's so much on here” Bennett muttered excitedly.. He was in the corner of the booth with chongyun next to him and xingqiu next to chongyun…

“Chongyun what do you normally get?” bennett asked

“Oh.. it's nothing really interesting.. I normally curry chicken hotpot since it's not spicy… but you should try something you want you know” chongyun huffed

“Well it's something i want” Bennett said “itll be nice to try something new”

“Aiya you two” hutao huffed, looking at her menu

“What??” chongyun blushed

“You two are flirting and it's weird” xingqiu said

“F-flirting??” bennett gasped… no.. they didnt think that chongyun and he were---

Thats not good… he really needs to tone it down…chongyun is an idol he cant be acting like that towards him!

Bennett huffed… hiding his face away in the menu, thinking about what hed like to drink…

He hadnt actually drunk much recently, the last time was with albedo and his mom alice for her 45th birthday… alice was a really nice woman, she was a professor at a really pristine college and her daughter klee was the sweetest little thing in the world..

But that was months and months ago… aside from that he didnt actually drink with friends. Fischl wasnt old enough to drink yet and razor just didnt like alcohol in general…

Well.. a drink wont hurt, hes not a lightweight anyway…

-----

That was probably a lie…

Bennett was practically falling asleep laughing in his corner of the booth, leaning against the wall, hu tao had been telling stories about chongyun xingqiu xiangling and her and it was so interesting…

“There was this time--” hu tao snorted “that we were filming for tv right.. A-and chongyun had taken a seat in his chair-- but in an instant the whole thing collapsed under him and he fell on his ass--” she laughed, chongyun was blushing furiously

“Oh oh or the time we were at an awards show and-- and xingqiu accidentally mispronounced a word as bitch in front of an entire crowd” she giggled

Bennett laughed with her and xiangling… it was funny really… they had so much fun stuff to talk about.. Bennett felt a little…solemn to say the least…

He drowned away the sounds, just closing his eyes for a bit.. Hutao kept telling stories… Bennett was tired though…

It felt like only a couple of minutes but Bennett was being tapped awake… startled, he sat up quickly…

“Oh..sorry for scaring you. We were going to the karaoke room.. Are you still up for that or should we get you home?” chongyun asked…

They were the only ones in the room…

“Huh…? Um…you guys can go… ill take myself home…” bennett yawned…

“No” chongyun said.. “Youre drunk still… even if it's not a lot i cant let you go home alone..” chongyun said…

“So take me there” bennett huffed… that wasnt supposed to sound flirty but by the way chongyuns voice hitched he certainly was shocked…

“I…um..alright… if you really want me to..” he muttered

Bennett laughed

“I'm kidding…ill stay for karaoke… i just need some time to gather myself up a bit” he yawned… rubbing his face

“I can go get you some water if you need” chongyun said

“No no it's okay..” he sighed, sliding out the booth, stumbling and wobbling a bit…chongyuns hand held his arm…

“Careful please” he said “lets go..”

“Okaayyy” bennett chirped.. Letting chongyun lead him out the room to a new one…

Hutao xiangling and xingqiu were already there and waiting for them both

“Gosh he looks like he can barely stand straight, are you sure all this noise will be okay for you?” xiangling asked, concerned..

“Mmhm… you do you… i just need to sit down” he sighed.. His stomach wasnt feeling the best now but whats a little stomach ache to him?

He sighed as he sat down on the couch away from the others… breathing slowly to try and regulate himself… his stomach felt awful… and he feels so bad that chongyun practically dragged him here because he could barely walk…

He sighed… trying to drown out the music and singing coming from the 4 of them….

Then he hears chongyun sing…. His eyes are still closed but he knows it's him…

It's comforting… the way he sings… makes him feel like hes on air… but safely…

It felt like ages… chongyuns voice mixed in with the others…and suddenly..
He felt sick.

Too sick.

He got up faster than any of them could say a word and ran out the room-- frantically searching for a bathroom…

Running into the mens room he slammed through the stalls and instantly hurled over the toilet… coughing and retching… he felt dizzy…

He sobbed… he always hated throwing up… sobbing and retching..he felt a hand suddenly rub and pat his back….

“God…are you okay..?” chongyun asked worriedly… bennettwould barely answer…just cry… coughing and spitting out the awful taste of his own vomit…

“I'm very sorry… i should have just taken you home..” chongyun said.. Kneeling besides bennett to rub and pat his back…

-------

Bennett doesn't remember passing out… or getting….

Home?

Bennett sat up…he wasnt at home… he was…back in the dorm he had been staying at with 4-arbor…

Bennett felt aftersickness rush over him…god this was awful…he didnt even have much to drink….he checked his phone and sighed… it was 10 am.

He slept a lot… time to make up for the wasted time… man..he had class today too…

He got up… hobbling his way out of the room… the halls were empty…was everyone still asleep?

He ran his hand over the walls as he walked… holding himself upright as he walked to the kitchen… just get some water and go lay back down..

When he walked in, chongyun was sitting alone at the counter on his phone… looking up to see who had just come in

“Oh, bennett. How are you feeling?” chongyun asked…

“I'm okay… i'm still a bit nauseous…” he sighed….

“Here..come take a seat, you shouldnt be walking around if youre dizzy” chongyun said, getting up and leading bennett to the chairs… holding his arm as he sat down

“Thanks…um..so how come you guys took me here instead of home..?” bennett asked…

“We figured it be easier…and we could make sure you were okay in the morning” he said

“We…? The others were worried about me too..?”

“Well.. yeah of course… anyone would be worried really… we didnt want you waking up alone in your house feeling sick and nobody to help you out” chongyun said sheepishly…

Bennett sighed and layed his head down in his arms…

“Thats the nicest thing people have ever done for me…” bennett muttered…

“Are you okay..? Let me get you some medicine..” chongyun said, getting up again

“No no it's okay…just sit here with me please” he sighed…chongyun…confused..sat back down

“O..okay..”

There was an awkward silence… chongyun sitting besides bennett as he rested his head in his arms…

Chongyun couldnt explain why he felt so… relaxed in a way… though his heart pounded faster than light itself…

Why did he always end back at bennetts side? Why him specifically? Just months ago bennett was a stranger till he saw him at the concert…

When he locked eyes with him-- just for that moment… was their fate sealed all together?

No…fate is stupid… it just happened… things just happen.

Chongyun felt flustered now, looking away from bennett… remember what they said? You cant pursue him-- not that he is.. But he cant put the silly idea that maybe he thinks bennett is cooler than friends would consider friendly…

They are friends… even if it's only been a few months..theyre friends, right?

Chongyun sighed… it's just ideas he doesn't consent to having… his mind is always so intrusive on his feelings..

-------

Bennett wanted to finally say something…but…its so intrusive.. Chongyuns an idol and bennets just…someone.. Someone nobody would ever want..especially not someone as amazing or as talented as chongyun is…

How possibly stupid could he be?? Having a crush on an idol. Especially someone of chongyuns popularity… youd be six feet under if his fans ever found out…

So what? Fuck those fans, theyre crazy anyways…bennett could be living out the dreams of millions now..but he…cant…

He just cant…

…

Bennett finally lifted his head up… he barely caught the way chongyuns eyes flicked in the other direction…

Bennetts heart ached…the one time he falls for someone…theyre too far away.

“Are you hungry..? I can make you something” chongyun said, his head in his hand…his mouth and cheek pressed into his palm… he seemed…

Flustered…

“Oh.. um.. No it's okay i dont want to bother you…in fact i should get going home… i dont want to overstay my visit.

“Youre not overstaying…its okay” chongyun insisted

“Really it's okay…” bennett said, getting up… he cant be left alone with his feelings like this…

As bennett headed for the door he felt chongyuns hand grab his…

“Wait” he said.. Bennett turned around…

Chongyun looked hesitant…. Like there was everything he could think of running through his mind right now.

Bennett thought his heart stopped for a moment… because faster than he could scream and run he was swiftly captured in a kiss…

Hes melting. Hes starting to crumble… his whole world just exploded and his heart was next.

He didnt fight it. He let it happen…

Bennett could only close his eyes as he felt himself be walked against the door… this wasnt real life, was it?

His whole body was in shock, shivers ran through him all the way in circles and circles… his stomach tightened…

So when chongyun finally let him go he swore he was about to pass out… everything tingled in a way he never felt before..

There was…shock on chongyuns face… like he didnt know what he just did.

And he didnt.

“I….i..” he stuttered.. He didnt just do that… theres no way.

Oh god..

‘I--i should go..” bennett said… he had to leave… he had to run and go away forever.. This couldnt happen..

Bennett instantly opened the door and ran out… chongyun couldnt find it in him to go as well…

He just stood there… his hand on his mouth…wondering what the hell hes just done.

Chapter Text

Bennett raced home like his life depended on it… theres no way in actual hell that just happened.none, absolutely none. In fact hes just crazy,hes going mad even, downright fucking delusional..

How could this have happened? How could he let himself be kissed like that? By an idol!! An idol really kissed him-- no. chongyun..chongyun kissed him!!

It felt like years that Bennett made it home, he fumbled his key but raced inside urgently… locking the door behind him…

Why did he kiss him like that?

Bennett felt hot, too hot… like his whole body was on fire…he got…kissed…

By chongyun.

Bennett threw himself into bed and under the covers… he was going to die in this bed now.. He couldnt ever go back outside…

---------

“You kissed him!?” they shouted at him..

They bombarded him angrily, asking how he could do that to them… but he didnt care..not anymore..

He would do it again if he could..

“If management finds out youre absolutely dead chongyun. You better pray to god nobody finds out” they scolded him longer..

He just wanted to see him again though…

-----

Bennetts phone was practically blowing up… chongyun kept calling and texting him.. Wanting to see him again… trying to apologize…

He didnt have anything to be sorry for though… bennett should have never become his friend… he did this to them both… he didnt fight away the kiss..he accepted it..

This was his fault.

He did this…

-----

Chongyun couldnt take in anymore… for 2 weeks bennett had ignored every call and every text… he didnt want to show up at his place uninvited but…

He had to see him. He had to.

He pulled into the parkinglot and raced up the stairs of his building…

He knocked on the door… his heart beating a million miles…

The door opened and stood bennett

He gasped loudly--

“What are you doing here??” he asked-- almost..frustrated

“Bennett who is at the door?” a girls voice asked

“It's nobody fischl--” he called back… looking to chongyun “you have to go… i dont know why youre here but if someone sees you then--”

“I dont care--” chongyun said.. “Please…let me talk to you…” he pouted

“I'm..busy with schoolwork right now…cant we do this another time??”

“I can help-- please just--” chongyun looked so sad…

Bennett swallowed thickly… just let him in… it's not the worse thing in the world…

“Fine.”

“Thank you…” chongyun said… walking in with him…

“No way… Bennett you were being serious??” albedo asked, shocked…

“Sorry for intruding..” chongyun blushed…

“Dear….i apologize for not believing you Bennett.. Um..” fischl razor and albedo seemed rather stun locked by the presence of someone whos extremely famous.

“Um.. chongyun these are my friends' razor Fischl and albedo… guys.. This is chongyun” Bennett sighed… he seemed…frustrated that he was here…

“Well, chongyun, are you any good at physics because thats what we’re working on right now” albedo said… bennett tossed a pillow on the floor around the table they were all sitting at for chongyun to sit on…

“Um..not exactly.. I havent been in school for almost 6 years now… i didn't take college” he said awkwardly, sitting down next to Bennett. “I am very good at math though… if thats what this requires”

“Too much math. Hopefully youre up to date” razor said “schools like to change math constantly. It's very annoying” he huffed..

“Well..tell me what we’re on… i can probably figure it out.

---------

“Why dont you study harder? A c’ in any class is absolutely unacceptable chongyun, you know this!” his parents would yell and scold him relentlessly… he didnt care…life was miserable..it was boring… he was only 12 and felt like an empty husk…a shell of nothingness…

They would take his stuff and break it.. The things he doodled in class he had to rip off the papers so his parents wouldnt see. He doesn't have time to be an artist. Just work work work. Excel constantly, be amazing, be smart, be talented.

Chongyun wasnt any of those things…just…miserable.

--------

When bennetts friends left it was just them… the air heavy and tense… chongyun wanted to say
something…

“Bennett i..-”

“Why did you kiss me?” bennett asked…not looking at chongyun…

His stomach churned…

“I dont…know”

“There has to be a reason. You know what will happen.. What about that message i received months ago. Arent you worried about us being watched??” bennett wanted to cry.

“I dont care if i get in trouble!”

The room was silent.

“I dont..care. I cant care…” chongyun looked down “it's been so long since anyone has made me want to give everything up for them… i dont know what it is about you i just…” chongyun felt sick.. “I want you… nobody else”

Bennett is really going crazy now.

“Why. why me though? I'm a complete stranger arent i? You didnt know me almost 5 months ago… so why now? Why me?” bennett asked…

“I dont know-- i cant know-- you remind me so much of him--- you never looked at me differently-- treated me weird-- you… you just-- liked me. For me…” chongyun started to cry… he let himself crumble… he let himself be vulnerable for the first time in what felt like years..

He was falling apart.

Bennett felt…awful.

“I…im sorry i…i didnt..” he muttered… approaching him slowly… “i didnt want you to cry…im sorry” bennett frowned..sinking to his knees in front of chongyun…

This time.. It was chongyun accepting the hug… he let it all out for the first time in ages… it had been so long since he cried like this-- hurt like this. Years of internal pain and suffering spilled across to floor now… he felt so pathetic… crying over love…

He was just like him though… from top to bottom… inside and out he was…just so much like him…it hurt…

“Shhh..i'm sorry…im sorry…” bennett tried to calm him… but chongyun kept letting out the most pained, gut-wrenching cries ever… bennetts shoulder practically sopping with chongyuns tears…

--------

Chongyun finally let it all down on bennett… his past.. His friend.. The reason he became an idol… the mistreatment he faced from staff and fans… all of it…

Bennett insisted chongyun relax and have some tea… he seemed so miserable… it's the most he could do really…

“I..i'm sorry… i didnt know you went through all that..” bennett said…

“I'm..sorry i dumped it all onto you..” chongyun said quietly… looking down into his half-empty cup… he was such an idiot… falling in love…

“No..it's okay…im…glad you told me all this..” bennett said… “i'm..sorry chongyun. I really am.

The room was tense… they still didnt know what to do or say regarding the true issue at hand. Their feelings.

What could they say? It's not like they'd be able to really do anything about it. They were worlds apart from each other, it wasn't ever possible.

"I'm sorry… for doing what i did…i know i should stop seeing you now…" chongyun sighed…

"I.." Bennett didnt know what to say… chongyun was right.. they shouldnt see eachother but…

Bennett wanted to be selfish…just a little.

"Does…this mean we cant keep being friends?" Bennett asked…his heart hurting.

Chongyun was quiet.

"I..understand, it's okay." Bennett sighed…

"I know how i am…i… wouldn't be able to let go if you were still around me." Chongyun said

"Why do you have to let go? I..i know you cant date but i.. we can still be friends.." Bennett felt like his whole world just fell apart…

"I'm Sorry" chongyun said "i should head out.." he said… getting up…

Bennett got up as well…

"Wait…please.." Bennett said…

"Bennett please…"

"Just…once more. If..i dont get to see you again after this please…just.." he pleaded… he didn't want him to be gone forever. He cant go away forever…

Chongyun frowned and walked to him… taking his hand.

"I'm sorry." He said… Bennett felt his heart sink. He cant.. go…

Bennett pulled him in, kissing him. He never wanted to let go…

Chongyun didnt fight away the kiss.. he let it happen… he let bennets arms wrap around him… bennett wanted to cherish every last second of it… for the first time in his life he felt loved by someone… he felt wanted…

And hes losing it each passing second.

Chongyun finally kissed back… he didnt want this to be the end.. He didnt want to drive bennett away..but it's all that could be done…it was the safe choice…

Everything felt hot… the way they kissed each other--practically melting at them both… neither of them wanted to let go, they knew they didnt want to let go..

They shuffled back-- almost tripping over the table and pillows on the floor… falling onto bennetts bed…

“You dont have to go…” bennett whispered.. Chongyun laying on his back…bennett over him…

“I..wont go..” he muttered.

---------

That next morning bennett woke up feeling exceptionally groggy… his legs sore..

Sighing, he rolled over but bumped into something--or..someone…

Startled- bennett sat up… chongyun was fast asleep next to him…

“Oh my god.” he gasped… oh hes really really done it now hasnt he…oh god..

Bennett got up… they didnt go far right? He can hardly remember, it's not like he was drunk so..

Okay..just dont panic..hes sure it was nothing serious, just them being stupid in the heat of the moment, right?

Bennett stared at chongyun… this really wasn't supposed to happen…he really messed up now.

--------

When chongyun woke up there was a lot to talk about.
Again…

“I…im sorry…i dont know what came over me last night..”

“I said it was okay..” chongyun said…looking into his lap…

“Still…i never should have initiated any of that… you…cant tell anyone… not for me but i'm worried what will happen if fans find out…” bennett said, ashamed.

“I..i wont.” he huffed.. His face red… he took it too far…

Hed never been touched like that in his life though--- not that hed ever had any romantic relations in his life in general. He couldn't admit to bennett that the day he kissed him was the first time he had kissed anyone… it's rather embarrassing.

But the way he made him feel-- safe, comforted, alive…loved. It buzzed through him, sending shivers all throughout him at the thought of it all…

“Ill…go now.. I'm sure the others are mad i've been gone all night..” chongyun said…

“Okay…” bennett said…

“I..ill text you later…im sorry again” chongyun blushed… walking to the door…

“It's okay.. Be safe please” Bennett said

“I will” was all chongyun said before leaving… leaving bennett alone in the room to think…think about what he has done to their relationship…and what he has done to chongyun in general…

How in the world could he possibly be so utterly stupid?

Chapter Text

“You cant be gone for whole nights and not even text us- we were worried sick about you chongyun!” hutao huffed

“I'm sorry…” he sighed…

“Next time you go out you better let us know, what if something happens to you??” xiangling asked..

“I know…i wont do it again” he frowned…

Trudging off to his room alone, he threw himself right into bed, hugging his pillow…

He felt ashamed of last night… his body felt warm still…like bennett was still there touching him…

Not ashamed necessarily…but…he felt guilty for it happening yet.
He found himself wanting to go back… wanting to risk it all for this boy… wanting to chase after him…screw what the media says… he wants him… he wants to be with him…

But…he couldnt give up being an idol…if he did… what would he think…?

----------

The camera flicked on…

“Take 1” chongyuns voice called out… the music began playing

His friend always wanted to be an idol, in fact lots of girls would admire him and his amazing dancing and singing talent… he took part in dancing to songs with the girls in their school… chongyun stood behind the camera…watching with a smile as he danced…

He only had his eyes on him… nobody else…

--

The camera flicked on…

“And so i was telling her that she should just break up with him, but she kept going on an on about how ‘oh i still love him’ and ‘hes just in a bad place…’ and on and on… she just doesn't understand that guys are shitty! They dont change like that” he huffed… and looked at chongyun… chongyun holding his phone camera up..

“Cmon man why are you recording me right now?” he said…smiling

“This lighting is good on you is all… it makes your hair glow” chongyun blushed…

“Pfft, okayy whatever you say”

----

The camera flicked on…

“Look-- it's a finch” chongyun said…

“It's so round… i wonder what they feel like” he said

“They look like tiny stress balls” chongyun chuckled… panning the camera over to him.

“Maybe when we’re older ill get you a finch. Just dont confuse it for your actual stress toys” he chuckled-- looking at the camera “gosh you and that phone of yours.. Why do you record so much?”

“For the future… i wanna see you be famous one day and look at these knowing i got to see the real you for years” he chuckled

“Pfft… i doubt ill ever be famous”

“I think you will” chongyun blushed…

------

The camera flicked on…

‘I think we should put this right here..” chongyun said, moving a paper cut out to the bottom corner of their poster

“Hmm..i guess so. Oh and maybe put this here…”

Suddenly a loud sound rang out… chongyuns bedroom door slammed open

“Chongyun! Youre failing your damn math class!?” his mother yelled---

“I--i”

The camera was dropped onto the table--- a loud smack.

“Dont hit him!!” he pleaded

“Shut up! Get out of my house! Now!!”

A commotion…rumbling… a continuation of hits…chongyun could only sit on the floor and take it.

--------

The camera flicked on…

The win was howling… a far up view… on top of a building…looking down at legs hanging off the edge…

There was crying… sniffling…the camera wavered in his hands… scooting closer..closer…edging…far enough to just..

“Chongyun!” he called out…

Suddenly the view was gone.. Pulled back.. Now looking at the floor of the roof…

“I'm sorry” he weeped…

“Talk to me man i'm here…”

---------

The camera flicked on…

“Tonight we are here to mourn the loss of a beloved student of ours…”

Weeping…

“He was my friend…i wont forgive anyone for taking him from me” chongyun sobbed.

----------

The camera flicked on…

Singing.

“I got no time to lose…” the voice was teary…pained..

Chongyun was in pain.

“내 길었던 하루, 난 보고 싶어….ra-ta-ta-ta…ta..” he sobbed… there was no end to the misery. He tried to sing it away with the songs he liked… but he couldnt escape it… he couldnt hide from the truth…

He was gone.

----------

Chongyun layed in his bed all day and cried… cried in pain, mourned again… it's been so long since it happened… but he still hurt so badly.. He still missed him so much…

“Nan…bogo sipeo…ra-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta…ulli simjang… ra..ta..ta…ta..” he sniffled… that song crushed him deeply. It hurt him like nothing had ever hurt him before…

There was a knock on his door…

“Chongyun…? Are you okay in there…?” xianglings concerned voice asked.

“I'm okay..” he barely managed to call out… but it clearly wasnt convincing enough…xiangling opened the door but it wasnt just her…it was hutao and xingqiu too..

“Go away guys…” he muttered…

“Chongyun…what happened?” xingqiu asked

“It's nothing…go..” he sniffled…hiding away in his sheets…

“You know you can talk to us…” hutao said softly… his bed sunk besides him… hutaos hand rested on his shoulder..

“There's nothing to talk about..” chongyun said… he just wanted them to go away…. They werent who he wanted…

-------

That night bennett got a call…

“Chongyun…? It's 2 am..why are you calling me..?” a tired-- groggy sounding bennett asked…

Chongyun tried to keep in his sniffles…not wanting to admit hed been crying…

“Can….i come over?” he asked… he sounded hurt…

“Huh…? Is..is everything okay..?” he asked nervously…

“Yeah i just..” he sniffled.. “I just…” he didnt have a reason… why would he… he cant say ‘hey i keep thinking about my dead friend and you remind me so much of him so i wanna be around you to feel better’

Stupid…

“Are you crying..? Whats wrong..?” the concern in his voice grew… shuffling- as if he was sitting up in bed…

“It's nothing i'm sorry--” chongyun sniffed-- and hung up…he was so ashamed…

He turned his phone off and cried into his sheets… he missed him so much…

------

After crying longer… he decided he felt too alone and showed up at bennetts place… teary eyed and definitely not dressed for the cold midnight weather, his tears practically iced on his face…

“Whats wrong…? Why are you crying..?” bennett asked, wrapping him in his blanket, sitting him on the bed…

“I'm sorry..i dont know” he sobbed…

“It's…its okay” he sighed, pulling him in for a hug… chongyun weeping into his arms… crying with so much pain…

Bennett didnt know what was wrong…but if he could ease the pain by being a shoulder to cry on he would absolutely do so..

------

That morning chongyun was asleep peacefully next to bennett…one long cry session later and the poor guy was tuckered out..

Bennett sighed… getting up… his heart ached… seeing chongyun hurt like that…hurt with no explanation what was wrong…it worried him… seeing him so distraught and in pain.

“Bennett…?” chongyun called to him… bennett turned around.. Chongyun looked disappointed to see he wasnt next to him…sitting up tiredly..

“Hey…good morning.. How are you feeling?” bennett asked.

“I'm..okay” he sighed… “i'm sorry i came uninvited..”

“Hey cmon it's okay. I dont mind…it really seemed like you needed someone anyways…who am i to turn you down?” he asked…

“Are you hungry or thirsty? I can go get us breakfast.

“Oh…you dont have to..” he muttered.. “It's bad enough i bothered you..” he said as he got up..

“Really it's not a bother to me.. I'm okay if you wanna come here at night.. If it helps you” bennett said awkwardly…

“Sorry still..” he frowned… looking away… his heart yearned… he wanted bennett here-- next to him, holding him again…making him feel safe…

He couldnt ask. He just couldnt.

He sighed and laid back down… bennett frowned…

“Are you really sure youre okay?” he asked softly…

“Yeah..i'm fine.”

Bennett sighed

"Really? You promise?”

Silence…

“Hey…come on…whats wrong?” he asked softly.. “You never even told me why you came here crying anyways…is there something going on..?”

“No…im just…thinking too much about the past” he sniffed..

“Chongyun…” he said softly… he didnt like seeing him hurt so much… bennett didnt even know what he could possibly do to help…its not like he was the best at comforting…

Unless…

Bennett got onto the bed and under the blankets with chongyun, pulling him close..

“I um..havent exactly cuddled anyone like this…so maybe i'm not very helpful but--”

A sob…

“C…chongyun?” he asked nervously… chongyuns shoulders trembled…

“Dont let go please” he whispered… sniffling…

“I..i wont..” he sighed.. His arms around his waist.

Bennett sighed and listened to the quiet sobs of chongyun as they laid together…it..was heart breaking to say the least.

--------

It almost seemed like chongyun couldnt stay away from bennett… almost every other night hed be at bennetts, even if it meant helping him with homework or cooking him dinner… he spent so much time with him…so much it was starting to bug the members of 4-arbor.

While it's not like they had any new music or tours to be on…it still frustrated them seeing their leader spend so much time with some random guy… it's almost as if they were together.

Chongyun would always sit so close to bennett their thighs would press together…his arm always around him or his head on his shoulder…

That obviously wasnt the only things they did that were ‘romantic’ because to bennett it seemed like full blown love the way that chongyun initiated everything.

The guy could barely keep his hands off him anymore… it wasnt necessarily an issue to bennett just… worrisome to say the least..

Hes an idol and bennett isnt… if fans found out about the ways chongyun put his hands on him theyd both be doomed for life.

He couldnt fight it off…not that he wanted to but…

“Ch..chongyun hey… right now?” bennett asked-- flustered.. Chongyun leaned over him, hands on either side of him…

“Do you not want to..?” he blushed…

“N..no it's not..um.. Isnt it a little late at night? You should go home before the others get upset with you..” he muttered…

“We can be quick…besides it's not like they need me urgently..” he huffed…

“Gosh…okay” he huffed… letting himself be pushed onto his back.

-------

It seemed like the nights chongyun spent alone got longer… alone at his dorms… imagining he was there on the other side of the bed chatting him up…

But he still wasnt there…nobody was there… not him, not bennett…

The world was a cold and empty place… he convinced himself so much that bennett was him--that he was still there.. Not as him..but someone..better even..

Bennett showed him love for the first time in years…real, true, raw love… emotionally, physically.. Bennett gave him what nobody dared to..

He couldn't bring himself to call him again though… hed already been bothersome enough…

Lying alone in bed, staring at the roof chongyun felt..empty.

The same thought purged his mind-- filling him with an endless void of unhappiness.. Making him wish he werent here. Tearing him apart bit by bit…

Chongyun ignored the tears that nearly ran into his ears as he cried… he let it all out again… bennett wasnt here to make it better… nobody can make it better--

All he can do is dream…dream that somewhere hes still there.. Walking him through the world again.

Chapter Text

Warning: this chapter contains themes of suicide, depression and self harm.

-----

The weeks that passed became miserable-- emptiness.

Chongyun still frequented bennetts house.. Yet almost every time it seemed like he got sadder and sadder…bennett was the first to notice the signs..

"You don't look too good right now… are you sure youre okay? We can just relax today.."

"I'm fine dont worry… just tired today" he sighed sadly

Then 4-arbor began to notice…

“Maybe you four should go on a trip, get your mind of of things” miss ningguang suggested…chongyun didnt feel like traveling.. But he knew she was trying to help.

“Chongyun, we should go get some ramen” hutao had suggested..

“I'm not really hungry, you guys can go without me today” he smiled bitterly.

-

“Chongyun do you wanna go see that new movie? You can bring bennett if you want” xingqiu offered

“I dont feel like going out…sorry guys”

-

“Chongyun do you wanna play video games with us? Xingqiu just bought that new one you were looking forward to” xiangling said

“Oh…i was gonna take a nap.. Ill play later”

Endless excuses… too tired, not hungry, too busy, not feeling up to it… for weeks…

Then fans began to notice.

-Idol chongyun sparks concern with his recent mood at meet n greet in inazuma city

Chinese Korean idol Chongyun struck concern in the hearts of his fans after he was seen spaced out and depressed at meet n greet in Inazuma city on May 20th… video recording shows him being escorted away by body guards after he was suspected to be having a nervous breakdown-

KittyDog2000: I'm so worried about him… i bet his company is just weighing on him like all of them do…

Ruruouka: I hope hes okay.. My poor yunyun looks so miserable

Saeeki3028: someone give the baby a hug!!!

Applepunch: aww poor baby i hope he feels better~~!!!

Chongyun could only sigh.

Chongyun, alone in his room…feeling nervous… his stomach churned… he felt sick… he wanted to cry but it felt like there wasnt any tears to do so.

It started with an experimental cut…

It stung… he hissed in pain as he swiped it over his arm..but..

It wasnt as bad as he expected…

So he continued…sitting on his bathroom floor staring at blood pooling over fresh cuts..he felt…numb… not in his arm but his heart…it was so..cold..and empty…

Chongyun cried miserably when he stopped…

---

It didnt take them long to notice it… at least not bennett..

They were alone in his place-- they were in the heat of the moment… chongyun nearly forgotten about the scabs over his once clean arms… so when bennett pulled chongyuns shirt over his head it took chongyun moments to realize his error…

“W--wait--” he gasped,, pulling his arms over his chest…

“Wh…chongyun..your..arms” bennett looked stunlocked…

Then the waterworks begun.

----

Then chongyun would just spend a lot of time alone in his room… they never knew how to help him…he felt so empty.

So why should he stay?

Chongyun got up and trudged to his bathroom… he looked a mess..his hair nappy and tangled.. His eyes tired and baggy… emptiness…pure..emptiness..

Chongyun realized what he was going to do…he broke down in tears… crumbling to the floor as he sobbed miserably… hed be alone forever.

But at least he could see him again…right?

---

Chongyun laid in his bathtub… the bright lights burned his eyes but at least he wasnt alone in a dark room…dying in your bathroom wasnt all so bad, right?

Chongyun had already done it… there was a note in the sink and everything… not like theyd notice him missing anyways…hed been absent from everyone for a while now..what difference would this all make?

Chongyun hugged himself miserably… he knew what was going to happen…he knew his fate…it was all over finally. He was free..

It felt like ages… time was slowing…he should…say goodbye…right?

He weakly dug his phone out his pocket… hazy-- calling bennett just one last time…

Brr….brrr…..brrrr….

“Chongyun…?” bennetts tired voice asked…

Chongyun felt sick… he was a monster…

“Hey…bennett…” chongyuns voice wavered… he couldnt keep it together… he shivered and trembled…scared…

He was scared.

“Chongyun? Whats up…?” bennett asked…

“No..um..nothing…sorry…i just..wanted to hear your voice is all..” he sniffled…

“Hey…whats wrong..? Do you need to come over..?”

“I..i cant..not tonight..sorry..” he shuddered… he felt cold..his hands clammy…

“Are you okay…?”

“Yeah..i'm….okay..” his responses were delayed… his voice hurt.. Tears streamed down his face…

“i …i just wanted to say i…love you” he whispered…

“Wh..what? Whats going on…. Are you in danger?” bennett asked…

“No..i'm not. I just..” chongyun winced “i said i wanted to hear you was all…”

“Y..you hear me every day…whats wrong?” he asked…bennett sounded…scared

“Nothing…im sorry…sorry…” he sobbed… shaking and trembling…

Chongyun panted heavily… he couldnt think straight.. His whole world was starting to fade away…

He could only hear a faint call for his name on the other side of the line before he dropped his phone.

----

“Chongyun!!! Chongyun open the door!!!” they screamed and begged-- the sound of banging and rattling the doorknob..

Bang..bang…bang…crash

Screams of terror--- their voices were mumbled and jumbled…he could barely understand…like they were aliens…haha..

He felt himself being dragged up into someones arms…

It smelled like xingqiu…

Oh…his dearest friend… he loves xingqiu…xingqiu is his buddy, his best brother in the whole world…

“Mmh..” was all he could croak out

“H-hes still conscious!! Tell the ambulance to hurry!!” he cried “chongyun--chongyun please- you cant!” xingqiu was bawling his eyes out…though chongyun could barely see… he felt it… the way he held him tight and close…

Hed never seen xingqiu cry…

But it was okay… it hurt…yeah..but… he dies getting to see him finally show his feelings..right?

It seemed like hutao and xiangling were close too… he could smell their vague perfumes… gosh..he loved them too…

He couldnt see their faces..or anything really… it was a blur… but it felt like they all had a tight hold on him--

Drip.

His face felt wet… maybe it's just raining…inside…

Oh it's nothing really… maybe it's your own tears. Or maybe youre seizing up and drooling eveyrwhere…

He shouldnt be talking to himself this way….

“Ghh..”

“I-it's going to be okay chongyun-- we promise-- please--please stay with us” hutao weeped…

It felt like he was being carried  through the wind suddenly… and now..hes laying down.

Theres a loud ring-- weeeooooweeeoooo… red and whites burned his eyes… gosh…death isnt very fun…

-

He choked himself awake-- startled-- scared---

“H--haaah--ah..achk..oogh..” he winced… his eyes hurt with how bright everything was.

Huh?

Chongyun sat himself up… bright…white…

He turns..

Flash of color-- too much color…

His eyes barely have time to adjust before his friends burst in…

“Chongyun!!” they cried and rushed to his side-- teary eyed…

“Ah…hi..guys..” he said… trying to smile but really, whats there to smile about right now?

They cried and cried incomprehensibly… lots of whys and hows and whats… not that he really cared…

Bennett stood behind them all… his eyes flicked to his… and suddenly.. Hes crying…

How pitiful really… bennett could have been the last one to hear from him ever…hes such a monster…he should have just died.

They all coddled around him crying…

"We were so scared-- you should have talked to us-- we could have been there" hutao sobbed..

"We didnt want you to be alone-- we never want you to be alone chongyun" xingqiu sniffled, wiping his face…

"You can talk to us…what happened..why did you do it?" Xiangling whined… they all looked so upset…

Bennett stayed quiet…letting the 3 have their moment…

Chongyun just wanted to lay down…as much as he loved them this was too much…

"You were out for 3 days.. we were told you might not even make it" hutao kept crying…

"I'm sorry.." chongyun said… hes such an asshole, really… scaring his friends like that..

"Were just happy youre okay…." Xingqiu said… "We'll give you and bennett some space to talk now…"

"Okay…" he said…watching as they left the room…Bennett stood by his bed…unable to look at him..

Chongyun swallowed nervously, his throat dry and in pain

"I'm..sorry" chongyun whispered

Bennett walked over and leaned down to hug him…

"I was scared… i thought i'd never see you again" Bennett cried.. his head burried in his shoulder…

Chongyuns stomach churned…

"I'm…still here…im sorry…i shouldnt have called you"

"No! I..i'm so glad you called me…if you didn't…i..you wouldnt be here.." he sniffled… "i dont want you to go away…i should have helped you when I realized something was wrong…"

"It's Not your fault….i don't blame you…most people dont know how to help these things"

"Still..i'm sorry for not being there.." Bennett sighed…

Chongyun felt guilty..they were all hurt because of him. He couldnt take back what he did..he scared them…

Chongyun cried in Bennetts arms again… wishing he could just get away..

He just wants to be away.

Chapter Text

Warning: this chapter is sexual and will also contain themes of self harm and depression

----

It took only a couple of days for chongyun to be let out the hospital…they treated him good at least…

Though going back home was hard… the moment he entered their floor he was bombarded with more hugs… squeezing and holding chongyun tightly…

“I'm okay really..” he sighed “you guys are gonna kill me if you keep squeezing me though” he huffed-

---

Miss ningguang came with good news.

“I realize i've been giving you four a very tough time.. I've decided to let you guys live a more free life for a while since there isnt any event scheduling for you guys till august. As long as youre staying out of trouble and being safe youre free to do as you please”

They all cheered and celebrated excitedly-- finally a chance to go out and live for once!!!

Live..

The only reason they got this was because chongyun tried killing himself…otherwise, they would all just be worked to the ground…

Though he should be thankful…finally some actual time off…

Chongyuns first place was bennetts.

The moment chongyun was inside and the door closed-- he flicked the lock on the door and instantly bombarded him with kisses

“Mh--hey--hey.. Why are you so affectionate right now?” bennett blushed, chongyun ushering him over to his bed

“I missed you” chongyun said, getting onto the bed and pulling bennett down onto it… bennett over him…

“I want you right now” he said eagerly… bennetts face flushed red…

“R--really?” he asked, startled.. “I..if you want to we can but..are you sure..?” he asked

“Of course i'm sure…” he said already working off his pants…

----

“Ngh--ugh…bennett…mfhh..” he whined out, hugging the pillow and blankets tightly as bennett had him bent over the edge of his bed, his legs trembled as bennett worked away at him.

“Shh…you know these walls are thin..” bennett huffed, pressing his hips into chongyuns… his hand on his shoulder, forcing chongyun to prop himself up on his arms..

“Ngh..ah..ah…ughh..” he whined, his head down.. Biting his lip
It was so much…chongyun was weak to bennett… he loved the way he made him feel..it was…addicting…

“B--bennett…ahh..nghh..please--” he whined, pushing his hips back into his thrusts…
There wasnt a world where he imagined himself to be under his friend like this… letting himself be used up like this… there wasnt much of a world he imagined losing his virginity either.. I mean hes an idol after all.. They arent allowed these kinds of relations…

And theyd both be dead meat if anyone found out about these things..bennett literally has all his windows covered up because of it..

“Ngh--ahh-oh my god-” he gasped out.. His knees were weak and his stomach was tightening….he was so close--so--so..

Suddenly bennett pulled out-- he could barely whine before bennett laid on the bed and pulled him into his lap… chongyun was gasping out a moan when bennett pulled his hips up and pushed right back inside…

Chongyun bit his lip…trying to stay quiet as bennett bounced him on his lap… as surprising as it may seem, despite being the idol with a lot more body strength he was the one bottoming. Not that it was much of an issue..he liked not having to put in so much work for once in his life.

“U--unghh..” chongyun groaned… leaning down, burying his face in bennetts neck.. Bennetts hands grabbed his hips tightly-- practically fucking the daylights out of him..

Chongyun had to bite bennetts shoulder to make sure he shut the fuck up… he was embarrassed with how vocal he was…

Chongyun gasped and whined loudly as he finally came-- feeling bennett pull out of him and cum on his thighs…

They both layed there.. Breathing heavily and just holding eachother…

Chongyun sat up..heaving… practically peeling himself off of bennett before slumping down besides him.. Hugging him…

“Better…?” bennett asked… fanning himself off with his hand…

“Yeah…better..” he muttered.. Already feeling tired…

They didnt have actual sex often but chongyun was so starved of touch that anything bennett did to him turned him on.. He felt like a dumb horny teenager for acting that way but can you blame him? Almost no idol gets this kind of chance and hes gonna take it if he can, he trusts bennett with his heart and soul anyways.

The two cuddled together, chongyun eventually falling asleep… bennett sighed, getting up and cleaning himself and chongyun off, letting him sleep in.

Maybe doing some homework would be good…

------

After chongyun woke up, he insisted he helped with bennett homework so they could go out on a date together afterward..

“A date..? After all the news articles about you being in the hospital, i'm a little worried fans might be looking for you”

“Itll be okay, as long as we’re covered up nobody will know it's us” chongyun insisted…

Bennett didnt feel good about it though.. But chongyun probably really needed to get out for once….

“Okay, we can go once i'm done” he said… sighing as he mindlessly traced his fingers over his keyboard…

------

“Ch--chongyun-- you cant kiss me here-- we are in public--” bennett whispered, upset

“Nobody is around” chongyun huffed, his hands held Bennetts

“Youre an idol-- you know people are always watching--” bennett whined, trying to shy away from chongyun. “When we are in public you cant--”

Even when chongyun had his mask on he could see the disappointment… he felt..bad.

“When we get you home..okay? Not now..” bennett said

------

Chonyun was left with a quick kiss and a goodbye…sighing…it was so soon..he wanted to spend longer with bennett… but alas, bennett had his own life..and chongyun had…

“CHONGYUN” the terrified screams of his friends called--

There was a banging on his door and he opened up.

“Wh--what happened are you guys okay??” he asked

Hutao shoved her phone into chongyuns hands… he looked at it and felt his whole body shrivel up and die inside

-Idol Chongyun of 4-arbor spotted kissing another man

Months ago there were rumors of chongyun being in a relationship and fans have just cracked their case, 22-year-old Bennett Haas, a German college student at the university of Springvale, has had multiple sightings with the idol…fans believe this person is the person chongyun mentioned at his concert back in September. Some fans are outraged, others mention how happy they are for him.

“I can't believe hes gay!!! Kyaaa!! I'm so happy!!” Twitter user 018887nayami says
“I'm so mad! He betrayed us by dating, i hope they break up” Twitter user dunyarisnothere states.-

“How could you let this happen-- why were you not thinking!? Are you stupid!?” they yelled and yelled at him…he was caving in…why were they so mean…

Chongyun started crying

“I love him damnit! Why dont you guys understand that!? I dont care if it ruins my carrer--!!” he shouted back..

They stopped..and stared.

Chongyun sobbed miserably…

“I'm so tired of all the pressure from everyone-- i just want to be happy for once and you guys are screaming at me--!” he sobbed “i've given my life away for this career but i want it back if it's gonna be this way!!!”

“But chongyun you cant--” hutao was cut off

“I cant what!? Leave the group-- pursue a life i actually wanted!?” he cried “i only did it for him--! I never did it for myself! I did what he wanted- i was a stupid teenager who lost the first person id ever loved--! I never wanted to be a god damn idol!!” he screamed- the tears fogged his vision.

“But chongyun if you-- leave…” she tried to continue

“You can just find a new leader! But i want to be with him-- he treats me right-- he actually gives me the time of day!” he shouted… his body on fire… he felt sick.

“I just want to be happy-- fuck the fans and fuck the fame! If they want to take me down for being in love they can go right ahead!” he sobbed

They didn't know what to say…

Chongyun stormed back into his room… locking the door and crying…

He wanted so bad to be happy. Bennett gave him what nobody could… chongyun gave so much of his life up for this path.. He got disowned by his own family for this path- he did it for him because he loved him-- he was stupid and naive..

He still is.

------

Chongyun spent that night going through all the comments on the article…his Instagram was also blowing up with comments…

There was a lot of positivity… but a lot of hate too

Though most of the positivity was just fetishizing him… but.. He was..glad.. In a sense…

Bennett texted him

Bennett: chongyun…
Have you seen the article… :(.. It's not looking good
They exposed my name. Lord knows what will happen if they find my apartment
Please answer
Chongyun: i'm sorry
I should have listened to you
This is my fault i'm so sorry
Bennett: no chongyun it's not your fault. I should have known this would happen
It will be okay i promise. Whatever happens i'm right here
I love you

Chongyuns heart hurt.

Chongyun: i love you too..

----

Chongyun sniffled… he fell back into cutting himself…
Sitting miserably on his bathroom floor as he did… at least he felt something…

He wish he could run away with bennett forever…run away from the idol life and just be normal again.

He called bennett with tears in his eyes

“Chongyun…” he sighed.. “What's up..?”

“I'm sorry… i shouldnt have called…” he sobbed

“N-no it's okay.. What's wrong..? Why are you crying..?” he asked softer… concern evident in his gentle and raspy voice

“I…hurt myself..again” he whispered.. “I feel like i cant escape..i don't want to be here… i dont..i dont want to be alive right now” he sobbed… heaps of tears running down his face..

“Chongyun… do you need to come over..?” he asked softly…

“I'm..scared to… they'll just be angrier if they find out i was with you again..” he sniffled

“Who..?”

“Xingqiu and the others…” he said.

There was a pause..

“Do…you want to just stay and talk to me?” he asked softly..

“M..mhm..” chongyun muttered.. Leaning against his bathroom door… breathing slowly.. Trying to relax himself.

His arms burnt like hell though…

-------

The following week, after far too many articles and posts pressuring him to speak up, he finally made an announcement on his Instagram

“Hello,

I'm sure lots of you already know what this might be about, and it is true that i have had relations with another man. But no amount of hate or articles will take me away from the person i love or the job i love. You are free to be outraged but i am very happy the way it is now, and i will proudly show off the person i love. Rumors cannot be circulated if i'm happy and open about the truth.

I will not be excused from 4-arbor
I will continue making music
I will continue being in love
I will continue being honest

Idols deserve the right to date and be happy too, i will fight for that

-Chongyun”

“You did the right thing..” bennett said, hugging chongyun from behind

“I hope so..” he sighed

-----

The responses were better than he hoped for

Lots of fans backing him up, supporting him, accepting him…

Miss ningguang accepted it.

“Just as long as nothing inappropriate between the two of you comes out your career will be fine.” she said…

4-arbor apologized to them both

“I'm sorry that we yelled at you chongyun.. It was unfair.. And youre right, you do deserve to be happy..” they apologized…

Things were okay. They were okay.. Though..

“I think… to be safe i should move” bennett mentioned as he cradled chongyun in his lap..

“Move?” he asked

“Yeah. i mean now that fans of yours probably know where i live… i feel like it's best i move. Just to be safe” he said..

“Mm… well would you like a place that's bigger?” chongyun asked

“What are you suggesting?”

“I have money… i could get you a place more comfortable than this flimsy apartment you know” chongyun said, tilting his head back to look at bennett

“Mm.. are you sure that would be okay?” he asked sheepishly

“Of course it's okay, it's my money anyways” chongyun chuckled

Bennett thought about it

“Id like that a lot, thank you chongyun” he smiled, resting his face in chongyuns hair..

It seemed like it all turned for the best, fans of chongyuns weren't mad or disgusted or out for bennets life.. It was, peaceful even.

Which is good, and hopefully it will stay this way.

Chapter Text

WARNING: Slight mentions of NSFW content and usage of slurs.
------------------------------

Bennett was finally able to safely return to school without any worries.. Though for the time being, chongyun would stay at Bennetts place so he felt a little safer…

Unlocking the door to his place, bennett sighed, kicking his shoes off..

“Oh, youre back early” chongyun said, getting up off the bed “how was class?”

“Exhausting as hell… exams are in 2 weeks and i'm so nervous” he pouted

“I forgot how exhausting that must be… you should get as much rest as you can and study well, okay?” chongyun said, walking over to give bennett a hug

“I know i know… once exams are over i can actually relax.”

“We should go out when it's time, yeah? Miss Ninguang has us starting a new album so ill be very busy for a while”

“Oh a new album finally? Are you in charge of composing again?” bennett asked, his arms snaking aroun chongyuns waist

“Xingqiu is this time, usually we circle around so we can all learn equally… I'm in charge of dance and i'm a bit hesitant…my dance skill are lacking” chongyun chuckled

“I dont think so! Your dances are great!” bennett huffed “dont worry, ill give you my fan perspective when the time comes” bennett smiled “anyways-- i'm pretty hungry, so i'm gonna start on dinner” bennett said, backing from the embrace

“Huh? Dinner? But you should study… i can handle it” chongyun sputtered

“No no, let me. I need a break anyways” bennett hummed, trodding off to the kitchen..

“huh…”

------

while bennett finished up on dinner, chongyun sat alone in the living room, he felt a strange unease though… like the room around him was seethrough and bare…

He was just being anxious. Theres nothing to worry about at all.

----

The two ate dinner together and whilst doing so, chongyun got a call from xingqiu

He answered

“Hey xingqiu, whats up?”

“I know youre probably with bennett but tartaglia wants to treat us to dinner. Are you up for it?”

“Oh.. i'm sorry i'm actually eating right now.. Uhh.. are you guys going tonight?”

“Oh yeah. It's cool dont worry about it” xingqiu sighed

“No wait-- i'm okay with going. i dont have to eat anything i can just spend time with you guys.. I know it's been a while since weve spent actual time together.”

“Yeah it has.. Well just head over to the building, were leaving in like 30 minutes”

“Can bennett come..?”

There was a silence..

“Uh… tartaglia says yeah.. But he would prefer if it's just us. Agency things and all.”

“Oh okay, ill let him know.” ill see you guys soon.”

“Cool, see you”

Chongyun hung up..

“I guess youre heading out then..?” bennett pouted

“I-i dont have to if you dont want me to” chongyun frowned

“No, no! It's okay. You said you havent spent much time with them in a while, you go have fun.” bennett smiled “youll come back tonight right?”

“Yeah of course.. Thank you for understanding” chongyun leaned over the table and kissed bennett. He got up and put his shoes on

“Just be safe okay? Text me when youre on your way back” bennett smiled

“I will, i love you, bye” chongyun smiled as he left

“Love you too”

Bennett sighed… oh well.. Hes a little sad but it's okay.

----------

It was a 20 minute drive back to the building but chongyun couldnt help but notice a car following him… he tried to shake it off but when they parked near the building as chongyun was driving into the buildings parking lot he felt…nervous.

He tried to think maybe it's just another idol groups member or staff but…all members and staff have access to the buildings parking so..

Whatever…whatever! It's fine.

---------

“So chongyun, i wanted to ask if youve had any ideas for our new concept. I've already heard from these three but i have hardly seen you around lately” tartaglia asked, flipping the meat on the table grill.

“Concept…ummmm… why not a bad boy/bad girl concept? Since our last concept was Crush, we could switch it up a bit. Maybe keep the crush concept in it?”

“Mm i feel like the bad concept isnt really in right now. Buuut we are 4-arbor so it could totally work. What do you guys think?”

“What if we merge it with a different concept? To make it unique?” xiangling asked “like we could do a fantasy concept and be like villain characters?”

“Villains would be sooo awesome. We dont do enough sexy concepts” hutao said

“I think villain would look so good on xingqiu too, hes got a very handsome and sharp face” xiangling said

“I--i do not” xingqiu blushed

“Ill talk with ningguang and ayaka and see what they think”

---

It had been about an hour and a half of the 5 of them just chatting eating and drinking.

“I'm gonna go to the bathroom” chongyun said, getting out of the booth.

“Oh okay, dont take too long!” xiangling called as he left

Chongyun sighed, running his hands through his hair as he walked to the bathroom. He kinda wished he was home with bennett right now..

When he walked into the bathroom he noticed someone walked in after him. Not that weird. It's a busy establishment afterall..

When he was using the bathroomhe couldve sworn he heard a camera click-- but when he looked around it was just him..

Okay.

He washed his hands and splashed some water in his face. Hes a little tipsy but it's not all that bad..

He walked back to their dining area and sat down with the group.. Another 30 minutes go by and he gets a text from bennett

Bennett: are you coming home soon?
Chongyun: yeah sorry, ill head out right now
Bennett: no no! It's okay, i was gonna go to sleep is all. Do you have your key?
Chongyun: yeah. Ill be there soon i promise.
Bennett: okiee love you
Chongyun: love you too :]

Chongyun smiled at his phone…how did he get so lucky..?

“Heh..”

“Whats got you smiling to yourself weirdo?” hutao asked in a teasing manner

“H-huh!? N-nothing” he blushed

“Was it benneettt?” hutao cooed

“Y-yeah. What about it?” he huffed

Hutao giggled at him

“Youre such a cutie chongyun, lighten up!”

Chongyun huffed again and looked away, spacing out from their conversation

Eventually xiangling decided it was her bed time and the group separated. Chongyun chugged some water to sober up a little more and made his way back home.

This time he didnt notice the car following him again.

------------

“Good morning chongyun” bennett cooed as chongyun grumbled himself awake “i have to go to class right now. I dont know when ill be back but if you leave make sure to lock the door, kay?” bennett said, kissing his forehead

“hum.mm.. Okay..i will. Have a good day” chongyun yawned, curling into the blankets

“I will, love you, bye bye” he gave chongyun one last kiss before heading out

“Mmmuh…love you too” he sighed.. Closing his eyes again… hell go to the agency eventually but man he was so tired.

---------

A tapping of feet.. A sigh of relief..

“God….hes so beautiful…chongyun.” a grumble… an exhale.. “That bastard…i warned him to stay away… chongyun is mine.”

Pressing their head against the corkboard pastered with pictures of chongyun.. Those of magazines and photocards and those candid… he looked so gorgeous.

“Mh…chongyun….chongyun..” growled a low voice… a gasp of pleasure.. A sickening noise.

“Mine.. mine. Youre all mine.” they hissed.. “Ill fucking kill your ugly boyfriend so you belong to me~” they whined… letting out a few more heavy breaths and whines.

------

When chongyun woke up he couldnt help but feel weirdly…uneasy.

Like yeah nothing around him looked or seemed weird but inside he felt..weird. Like something awful was gonna happen.

Chongyun checked his phone, a text from xingqiu and… a text from an unknown sender.

Chongyun cautiously opened it. All it said was “i love you”

Chongyun furrowed his brows in confusion. It was probably just a wrong number.
He sat up finally and ruffled his hair, yawning. It was only like 9 am but he should probably do something productive for once and then head over to the building.

Sighing chongyun got up and went to take a shower.. His hair felt greasy and so did his face.

------

When chongyun got out and got dressed he noticed his phone was… misplaced?

He left his phone on the bed hes sure-- right under his pillow but it was… on top of the blanket.

Did bennett come back or something..?? But he wouldve heard him-- and he never wouldve touched chongyuns phone…

Chongyun swallowed nervously..

Hes just….overthinking. He did drink a bit last night so maybe hes still a bit foggy…

Chongyun chalked it up to that but when he went to leave he noticed the door was unlocked..

“what the…?”

No, this was really weird. Bennett always locked the door in the mornings. Even if he was forgetful he would never forget to lock the door especially after all thats happened… no way in hell.

Chongyun swallowed nervously and left the apartment in a hurry. Hes just--- overthinking. Thats all.

-----------

“Heeyyy yun yun” xiangling said as chongyun walked into the dance room.

“Hey xiangling” he said tensely.

“You okay..? You look kinda pale. Have you eaten?” she asked

“Huh…? Yeah-- i'm okay. I'm a little hungry, i left in a hurry this morning” he sighed.

“Cmon, lets go make you something to eat. Cant have our leader fainting on us yknow?” she giggled and took chongyuns hand.

“Wheres xingqiu and hutao?”

“Oh ningguang said they had a sudden event to go to, just them. So itll be us for a few hours, but it gives us time to think up the choreography for the new album” she said,taking chongyun to the kitchen and sitting him down.

“Whatcha in the mood for? I'm thinking waffles” she said.

“Waffles are good.. Lets do that.” he sighed.

Xiangling frowned..

“Are you really sure youre okay?”

Chongyun sighed..

“Something really weird happened this morning..”

----------

Bennett was busy taking notes in class when he got a sudden message from some unknown number.

UNKNOWN:

Hey.
You need to back the fuck off chongyun.
Ill fucking kill you.
He belongs to me
Freak.
He doesn't love you
It's just for publicity
You should kill yourself or else ill do it for you
You pathetic slut.
Nobody likes you
Youre ugly as fuck chongyun is way better than you
Faggot.

Bennetts heart pounded wildly as these spurs of texts came in… what the hell??
No way one of chongyuns fans got his number…what the hell???

Bennett quickly blocked the number and pushed his phone away.. It's just a prank..right?
He let out a shay breath. How can he focus like this now???

-----

When bennett got home from school chongyun was there waiting for him.

“Oh, youre here” bennett smiled nervously

“Why wouldnt i be..? Are you alright?” chongyun asked, getting up and slinging his hands around bennetts waist..

Bennett let out a shaky sigh--

“Yeah-- i'm fine. Just tests stressing me out.” he smiled..

Chongyun looked off for a moment..

“Want me to take some of that stress off?” he asked sheepishly.

Bennett blushed brightly

“Why you---”

-------------------

“Mmppgh--” bennett whimpered.. Covering his mouth with one hand and his other hand in chongyuns hair…

Chongyun bobbed his head up and down-- pulling away breifly to catch his breath.. He looked up at bennett with those pretty eyes of his… fuck bennett was gonna lose his mind like this, he just wanted to throw chongyun on the bed and--

“H--hah--” he whined as chongyun dipped his head back down and took bennetts dick back into his mouth.

As chongyun worked away at him bennetts grip in chongyuns hair tightened… making him whimper on his dick.

Bennett suddenly pulled chongyun off and pulled him up off the floor and pushed him onto the bed.

“I want you now” he growled.. Chongyun blushed widly-- feeling like a helpless animal being targeted by a predator.

Chongyuns pants were being pulled off pretty quickly as bennett reached for the bedside drawer and pulled out the lube..

-------

When they finished, after a long time of just laying together and breathing heavily- bennett got up to get a towel and clean chongyun up..

Chongyun curled into the blankets with a sigh… god he loved bennett so much… everything about him was so..so perfect.. The way he talked, his kisses, his touch… he was so..

*ding*

“Huh..?” chongyun sat up confused.

*click*

Chongyuns heart dropped… a camera sound again..?

Bennett came back.

“Something wrong?” bennett asked, getting onto the bed and gently wiping chongyun off…

“I--i thought i heard a camera go off..” he muttered.

“A camera..?” bennett asked… he scanned the room… and furrowed his brows.

“Chongyun…” Bennett said, getting up and walking to his desk.

“Y--yeah..?”

“Call the cops.”