Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

ZERO: Happy Anniversary

“Happy anniversary, love.” Nick says, leaning across the table to place the softest of kisses to Karl’s lips. The action brings a smile to older boy’s face as Nick pulls away, sitting back down in his seat. Karl places his hand on top of the table, smiling even brighter when Nick takes it and gives it a sight squeeze.

“Hard to believe it’s been three years already…” Karl says, earning a soft laugh from Nick before he nods. It was hard to believe that they’d been together for five years now and married for three. It still felt like just yesterday that Nick was standing nervously across from Karl in front of all their friends and family, getting ready to commit to the beautiful light blue eyes boy for the rest of his life. It was the best decision Nick ever made though, his life with Karl was pretty much what he’d always pictured. Sure, they had their differences every once in a while, but for the most part they were happy.

And that was all that mattered to Nick.

”So, what do you want for our anniversary anyways? You never told me.” Nick asks, grabbing his fork before he finally takes a bite of the food Karl had spent half the day making. Karl liked cooking, trying out new recipes every chance he got while Nick still struggled to make ramen right. Karl is hesitant with his answer, biting down on his lip as he pushes his food around on his plate because he wasn’t quite sure how to ask Nick about this.

So he doesn’t.

“Nothing, really…I’ve got everything I need right here.” Karl manages to get out, smiling tightly at Nick who quirks an eyebrow at Karl because that was a first. Five years together and not once had Karl said he didn’t want a gift. Karl didn’t need anything extravagant, the gifts he usually requested from Nick being simple little things. Last year he’d asked Nick for just a simple night in where all they did was cuddle on the couch and watch movies.

His gifts were always simple, but this time Karl wanted something that was a little more complicated than a night in on the couch.

“You sure? Nothings off the table, love.” Nick says, clearly trying to get an answer out of his husband. Karl bites down on his lip again, wishing it was as simple as saying four words.

I want a baby.

”I’m sure, babe. Life is perfect and I don’t need anything.” Karl says, but Nick’s still giving him a look which Karl tries to ignore as he picks at his food.

“Well I still think we should do something besides hanging out in the condo…I’m sorry that we couldn’t get reservations at Murano like you wanted, that was my bad with being so busy at the station…” Nick trails off, suddenly feeling very guilty even though it wasn’t entirely his fault. Karl had only mentioned wanting to go to Murano for their anniversary a few days ago as an after thought, Nick of course wanting to make their anniversary perfect tried to get reservations only to find out they were booked…Karl didn’t appear to be disappointed but Nick felt like he was.

“Nick, it’s okay. I don’t need the fancy restaurant or the extravagant gifts. I just need you and I’ve got you.” Karl says, giving Nick’s hand another squeeze but Nick still feels like something is off.

“Okay…are you sure though? You’d….you’d tell me if there was something bothering you, right?” Nick asks and Karl smiles softly at his husband. He was used to this, Nick’s small insecurities just as Nick was used to his.

”I’m sure, Nick.”

”Okay. I love you.” Nick says, looking at Karl with a slight vulnerability in his eyes that tugs at Karl’s heart just a little. He could just picture a baby with those same eyes and he hated how badly he wanted that.

“I love you too…Now eat up so we can move onto desert.” Karl says, earning a nod from Nick before he finally starts to eat and they fall into a comfortable silence. They were halfway through dinner when Karl finds himself asking the one question he didn’t know the answer to, the older of the two not even bothering to look up from his plate when he asks it.

“So uh…how…how do you feel about kids?” Karl asks, pushing his green beans towards the corner of his plate. Nick looks up, a confused expression on his face.

“What do you mean?” Nick asks, leaning back in his chair as he continues to look at his husband.

“Do you uh…do you want kids?” Karl asks and Nick pales, his throat going dry and Karl honestly thought the younger boy was about to pass out.

“Fuck, you’re pregnant…shit…shit, I knew it was too risky. I fucking kne-“ Nick starts, clearly panicked and Karl is quick to stop him before he enters a full on freak out.

”No, no…I’m not pregnant, Nick. I was just…never mind. It’s not…it doesn’t matter. It’s stupid.” Karl says, trying not to feel bitter about the relieved expression on Nick’s face.

It was no secret to Karl that Nick didn’t want kids.

Just like it was no secret to Nick that Karl did.

It was their biggest issue and after three years Karl was getting tired of waiting.

Chapter Text

ONE: A Little Bit Of Effort

”So, how was the anniversary?” Orion, one of Karl’s closet friends, asks the next afternoon as the both of them hangout in the teacher’s lounge during lunch. Karl was a year two teacher while Orion taught year three, so they spent quite a bit of time together. Orion was married to Alex, Nick’s old roommate from college, and the couple were expecting their first child any day now. Karl wasn’t jealous of course, it wasn’t like Nick and him got married before Orion and Alex or anything…

“It was good…We uh…We had a good time.” Karl says, taking a sip from his mug of tea before he clears his throat. The truth was that it hadn’t been all that great, after Karl had bought up kids, Nick got really weird. Karl tried to get him to talk about it, but it only ended with Nick getting even weirder and eventually Karl just gave up.

”What’d you guys do? Alex was saying you were getting reservations at Murano or something like that.”

”Nick tried to, but they were booked for last night so we ended up staying home. I cooked one of Nick’s favorite meals and then we spent the rest of the night just…doing anniversary related things.” Karl says, lying a little unless of course someone counted sitting in silence for almost the entire evening an anniversary related thing.

“Maybe that’s what Alex and I will do this year, he hasn’t really been feeling up to doing anything these past few weeks besides walking from the bed to the bathroom.” Orion says, a frown finding its way onto his face as Karl gives him a sympathetic look.

“Still on bed rest, then?” Karl asks, earning a nod from Orion.

“Yeah. It’s the last month, but it’s really taking a toll on Alex. He really hates being cooped up, you know? And I don’t know how to help him because everything I do seems to just make him mad…so I wanna make our anniversary one to remember…being since it’s our last one with just the two of us.” Orion says, letting out a sigh as he puts his now empty mug on the counter. He leans against it, folding his arms over his chest as Karl gives him a sympathetic smile.

“Do you have any ideas?” Karl asks, not really sure how he was going to help Orion but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try. As Karl waits for Orion to share his ideas, his phone vibrates in his back pocket.

From: Hubby <3  Received: 12:04 PM

hey babe, sorry about last night. wanna go out tonight to make up for it?

Karl lets out a dramatic sigh, figuring he’d reply after school was over because in that moment he didn’t really want to go out that night. It was a typical Nick move though, trying to make up for simple little fights or arguments by doing extravagant things that honestly didn’t need to be done.

“I’m thinking I’ll just rent his favorite movies, get take out from that Chinese place he likes so much, massage his feet or something, make sure he’s comfortable…He’ll like that, right?” Orion asks, looking at his friend hopefully and Karl does his best to smile.

“Yeah, I’m sure he’ll love that. I think I’m gonna head back to the classroom, get ready for the afternoon lesson and what not…Let me know how it goes with Alex.” Karl says, not even bothering to wait for Orion to say anything before he walks out of the teachers lounge. His classroom was at the end of the hall, the room still empty as lunch had about another fifteen minutes before it was over. Karl goes straight to his desk, collapsing down into his chair before he puts his head in his hands.

He shouldn’t let it bother him, he shouldn’t be so hung up on Nick’s reaction to a simple question because that’s what it was…a simple question.

How do you feel about kids?

Clearly not very well, but Karl had known that…Karl didn’t get it though, Nick liked kids…he was always so great with Karl’s students when he’d come and visit and Karl thought that maybe after Orion and Alex had announced their little surprise, Nick would be more open to the idea.

But he wasn’t and Karl was having a hard time coming up with excuses as to why. Karl understood when they first got married, they were young, they were still trying to figure out who they were…and Karl understood why after their second anniversary when they had a scare, even Karl wasn’t ready then…Karl was ready now though, he had been ever since Orion and Alex showed up at their house to give them the news.

From: Hubby <3  Received: 12:13 PM

got the reservation at Murano like you wanted, George says we owe him one but I’m thinking we’ll just get him a bottle of scotch he likes so much. I should be done at the station around five, do you want to meet me there or would you prefer me to pick you up?

And Karl lets out yet another sigh, running a hand through his hair because the last thing he wanted to do was go out…

But Nick was trying and Karl had to be happy with that.

Chapter Text

TWO: Studio Blues

”So I’m thinking we should get Phoebe on the show again. She really boosted our viewership last time.” George says, not even bothering to look up from his tablet as he lists off yet another thing he wanted Nick to do this week. Nick and George were co-hosts of a local music station they’d started back in college that ended up getting quite popular. Nick loved his job, only having to work from nine to five during the weekdays, his weekends free to do whatever Karl wanted to do.

“Hey, Nick. Everything alright?” George asks, snapping his fingers in front of his friend’s face. Nick didn’t even realize he’d spaced out, blinking as he came back to reality only to realize his best friend was staring at him like he had two heads. Nick clears his throat, sitting up in his seat a little bit more.

”Everything’s fine…why?” Nick asks, earning another look from George.

“Because you’ve been awfully quiet all morning and you keep staring at your phone. Things not going so well at home or something?” George asks and Nick is quick to shake his head. It wasn’t that things at home were rough, they were fantastic as always…it was just that Karl was clearly upset about something and Nick had a feeling it was because of him.

Nick hated it when Karl was upset.

“I just think Karl’s mad or something, I don’t know. He’s been off all day.” Nick explains, shrugging like it isn’t a big deal but he felt like it was. On any normal day, Karl would be texting Nick every half hour or so with little things he found cute with his students…today, Karl hadn’t replied once, not even to the text Nick had sent him nearly two hours ago about meeting him at the restaurant he’d so desperately wanted to go to yesterday.

So Nick was frustrated.

“I’m sure he’s not mad at you, Nick. He’s probably just busy or something, he does teach six year olds who need a lot of attention.” George points out, earning a soft sigh from Nick as he nods. Nick pinches the bridge of his nose though, clenching his eyes shut because of the goddamn headache coming back. He’d gotten one last night when Karl had brought up kids and to be quite honest, it had never gone away.

“Yeah. I know…we just…we kinda had a fight last night, is all…” Nick admits sheepishly, earning a look from George. The song set ends before George gets the chance to ask more, but he gives Nick a quick signal to let him know they’d talk about it in a few minutes. George clears his throat as he leans in a little closer to his microphone, putting on his chipper attitude like a natural while Nick feels like his own is a bit forced.

They talk about the usual, upcoming shows, new albums or song releases, the occasional advertisement before George finally throws it back into another half hour set of music. George leans back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest as he looks at his friend expectantly.

”What did you guys kinda fight about?” George asks when Nick doesn’t say anything for a moment. Nick lets out a sigh, running a hand through his hair before he answers. 

“I think…I think Karl wants a baby. He didn’t like come right out and say it, but he brought up kids again last night and well…I didn’t exactly have the greatest reaction.” Nick says, keeping his voice quiet due to the fact that he just felt like shit. Karl didn’t ask for much so under normal circumstances…Nick would usually just give Karl whatever he wanted, but this…

This was something Nick didn’t want.

”Did you have a panic attack or something?” George asks, quirking an eyebrow as he studies his friend curiously.

“Basically. It ruined our entire evening…and I’m really wanting to make it up to him tonight but he won’t fucking text me back…and I just…I don’t know what I’m going to say to him when he finally just asks for a baby…I honestly…I don’t think I have a good enough excuse besides the fact that I just…I really don’t want kids.” Nick admits, biting down on his lip as George continues to stare at him.

”Well I’m honestly the last person you should be talking about this stuff with being since I’m still single…probably will till the day I die, knowing my luck…but I say just talk to him about it. If he loves you, he’ll understand.” George says, a little hesitantly as Nick lets out a very long sigh.

“That’s the thing, George…We’ve already talked about it, but Karl’s…Karl’s just Karl and when he wants something…There’s just…there’s no stopping him.” Nick says, looking down at his hands with a frown as George pats his friend’s back sympathetically. Nick jumps when his phone finally goes off for the first time that day, Karl’s personalized text tone echoing through the studio.

From: The Love of My Life xx 

Received: 3:09 PM

Murano’s sounds great, love. I’m fine with you picking me up from home but if it’s easier for me to meet you there I can. Just let me know what you wanna do. Love you, K xx

And Nick’s smiling again.

Chapter Text

THREE: Reservation

”So, how was class today?” Nick asks much later that day, sitting across from his husband in a crowded restaurant at the table just past the kitchen. It wasn’t the best seat in the house and Nick was really hoping that wasn’t the reason why Karl wasn’t talking as much as usual. Karl’s picking at his food, looking completely disinterested in everything that was going on around him.

“Good.” Is all Karl says, earning a sigh from Nick who flinches when a waiter walks out the kitchen door which just about hits him. Nick didn’t want to address the elephant in the room, honestly thinking that a nice night out on the town was going to be enough to make Karl forget all about the baby idea…

But it was clear Karl was upset and Nick didn’t want that.

“I’m sorry about last night…I shouldn’t have reacted like I did.” Nick finally says, thinking maybe that’s what Karl wanted…but Karl just nods his head and continues to push his food around his plate.

”Did I do something else to upset you? You’ve been…you’ve been very…” Nick trails off, unable to think of the actual word he was looking for. Karl finally looks up from his plate and at his husband, quirking an eyebrow as Nick stares at him.

“Despondent?” Karl offers, earning a nod from Nick.

”What’s going, Karl?” Nick asks, reaching across the table to grab Karl’s hand but Karl pulls it away before he gets the chance to. Nick feels his heart deflate at that, the nagging feeling in the back of his head telling him Karl was upset hitting him even stronger.

”It’s nothing, Nick. Just forget it.” Karl says, not wanting to end up in a fight in the middle of a crowded restaurant.

“Clearly it’s something if you won’t even let me touch you…” Nick says and Karl lets out what feels to be one of his longest sighs ever. Karl didn’t want to start a fight, he really didn’t but it was clear that Nick wasn’t about to let the conversation go. So Karl asks the one question that had been on his mind all day.

”Why don’t you want a baby?” Karl asks, the question lingering in the air for far longer than it should’ve.

“Why…why do you want a baby?” Nick asks instead of answering, once again finding himself in a spot he didn’t want to be in.

”Because I just do, Nick. It’s the next step in our relationship and I think we’re ready. We’ve got stable jobs, we’ve got two extra rooms in our apartment and I just…I feel like there’s something missing.” Karl admits, looking a little sheepishly at his husband who still appeared to be at a loss for words.

“Why don’t we start with a dog first? Why do we have to jump straight to the baby?” Nick asks, hoping that maybe Karl would accept a compromise like he had the last time they had this conversation nearly ten months ago.

Karl had promised he’d wait another year, clearly Karl didn’t want to keep that promise. Nick felt that was a bit unfair, but of course he wasn’t going to voice that. The last thing he needed was for yet another thing for Karl to hate him for.

”I don’t want a dog, Nick.” Karl says, trying his best not to get annoyed but Nick was really trying to get on his nerves tonight.

”Well I don’t want a baby.” Nick says and Karl lets out a very long sigh. He puts his fork down on his plate, no longer interested in his food whatsoever. Karl folds his arms across his chest, leaning back in his chair as he looks across the table at his husband who looked like a deer caught in headlights. The expression on Karl’s face was one that Nick didn’t see often, but when he did, he always regretted opening his mouth in the first place.

“Why? Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t have a baby right now.” Karl says and Nick takes far longer than he would’ve liked to respond. He could only think of one reason, but Nick knew that wasn’t going to be good enough for Karl.

He just didn’t want a baby.

“I just don-“ Nick starts to say only to have Karl’s phone start to ring. Nick recognizes the ringtone instantly, rolling his eyes as it was Orion calling. Nick didn’t have anything against Orion, they were actually good friends, but Karl would drop anything to be at his best friend’s side.

Even when they were in the middle of a discussion.

“Hey Orion, what’s up?” Karl answers it after the second ring, holding up his finger when Nick lets out a sigh. Nick waits somewhat impatiently for Karl to finish up his call, perking up in his chair when Karl practically jumps out of his.

“Oh my god! We’re on our way. Which hospital?” Karl is asking frantically, grabbing his coat as Nick signals for their waiter. It was clear their argument was going to have to take a backseat this evening and Nick was honestly okay with that right about now. Once Nick gets their check paid, the young couple is rushing to their car. Karl’s talking frantically to Orion, Nick only catching a word here or there but it wasn’t long before he realizes exactly what’s happening.

Alex was having his baby.

Chapter Text

FOUR: Angst in a waiting room

Nick had disliked hospitals for as long as he could remember. There was just something with the bright lighting and the too clean scent that always set him off and if he had his way, he wouldn’t be sitting in a waiting room right now.

But Karl was already angry enough as it was, straight out refusing to even talk to Nick despite the fact they’re the only two in the room. Nick is trying not to take it personally, knowing that Karl probably had every right to be angry with him. It made Nick nervous though, not once in their five years of being together did Karl flat out refuse to talk to him. Usually Nick would just get short, one worded responses…and right about now, he would kill for one of those.

The silence was killing him, the younger of the two looking down at his hands as he plays with the sleeves of his shirt. He risks a glance towards Nick, biting on his lip as he tries to think of something to make this better. Karl was looking at the labor and delivery door, a concerned expression on his face with just a hint of annoyance. Nick knew the annoyance was reserved for him, but Karl would tell him over and over again that he’d never get annoying.

”Karl…” Nick starts to speak again, only to stop when he decides it’s not worth it. What was he even going to say? He wasn’t about to tell Karl “yeah, let’s have a baby. If it’ll make you talk to me again, we can have two!”

No. He wasn’t about to give in.

Karl is still staring at the doors, not even acknowledging that Nick had said anything. Nick lets out a long sigh, running a hand through his hair before he stands up from his chair. He didn’t have to sit around and take this.

“I’m going to walk around for a little while.” Nick says but he still doesn’t get any reaction from his husband. Nick walks out of the waiting room, shoving his hands in his pockets as his head hangs low. He thinks about glancing back at Karl, wondering if maybe he’s watching him go…but he doesn’t.

Instead he walks around for a little while, trying to think of ways to fix the mess he was in. He understood why Karl was upset, he really did but he was kinda wishing that Karl would understand his side. Karl only saw the cute side of having a baby, he didn’t think practically like Nick did.

Nick finds himself standing in front of the nursery, staring at the thirty or more babies like they were some kind of foreign object. He didn’t understand why so many people were obsessed with babies…he really didn’t think he wanted to understand though. All he needed to know was that having a baby changes things.

Having a baby would change everything and Karl just really didn’t seem to grasp that. He saw it as filing an empty room, Nick saw it as yet another thing to crowd their already limited space. Having a baby meant cutting back hours at work for Nick and quite possibly Karl quitting his job all together, which would be fine for a year or two…but Nick was always worried about money getting tight. Having a baby meant less time with just the two of them and that was already hard enough. 

Having a baby just didn’t seem like a good idea to Nick. The idea of being responsible for a whole other life besides his own terrified him. What if he messed up? What if Karl ended up hating him? What if he lost everything? He would only have himself to blame and then his baby would grow up in a broken home much like he had. Nick didn’t want that and the best way to keep it from happening was to just never have kids.

Karl had to understand that…

And then Nick’s got arms wrapping around his waist, Karl’s familiar scent washing over him in an instant. Karl’s chin is resting on Nick’s shoulder, the sound of his breathing a little too comforting but Nick still remained rigid.

“I’m sorry.” Karl whispers, nuzzling info Nick a little more as Nick’s shoulders seem to sag in relief. He’d honestly expected he would return to an even colder Karl in that waiting room, but instead Karl had sought him out.

And he’d apologized.

”I’m…I’m sorry too.” Nick manages to get out, swallowing his pride and accepting that this was the best they could do right now.

“They sure are cute…” Karl says, maybe as just an after thought but Nick knows there’s more to it than that. He doesn’t say anything about it though, simply nodding in response before he pulls out of Karl’s arms.

“C’mon, we should get back to the waiting room. We don’t want Orion to think we just left or something.” Nick says, not caring if it seemed like an excuse to get away. Karl lets out a sigh before nodding, holding out his hand for Nick to take which of course he does.

They walk back to the waiting room hand in hand, both ignoring the tension between them, bottling it up like it means nothing.

Because that’s just what they do and it seemed to be working just fine, but even they knew it wouldn’t last. It was only a matter of time until that bottle broke.

Chapter Text

FIVE: Baby bet

”So boy or girl?” Karl asks Nick about twenty minutes later, the couple now sitting on the same couch as they wait for Orion to return with news. Nick was playing with Karl’s fingers, stalling the action at Karl’s question as he hadn’t really gotten the context he was asking in. Karl cranes his head so he can look at his husband, shifting on his lap.

”I’m sorry?” Nick asks, hating how quickly his heart was beating right now. Was Karl asking if Nick wanted a boy or girl? Was Karl already pregnant and this was his way of telling him?

“Do you think they’re having a boy or girl? You know considering they didn’t find out the gender and all…figured we could set a bet or something…” Karl says, trailing off as he studies the expression on Nick’s face. Nick seems to relax a little, but his heart still felt like it was about to beat out of his chest.

”What are we betting?” Nick asks, shifting on the couch a little which causes Karl to start sliding off his lap but Nick was quick to pull him back up.

“Our usual wager. I win, we have sex on the table. You win, we have sex wherever you want.” Karl says, earning a soft chuckle from Nick as he wraps his arms around Karl a little tighter.

“Alright, I think I can agree to those terms. What’s your side?” Nick asks, chuckling again as Karl pretends to think about it. Nick knew what side Karl was on because it was always the same one.

“Girl. I bet they’re having a girl. Orion’s going to be way too over protective of her and she’ll be lucky to date anyone before the age of thirty.” Karl says, earning a nod from Nick because there was no doubt in his mind that Karl was right.

“Alright, if they have a boy we’re having sex in the kitchen.” Nick says, smiling brightly when Karl lets out a laugh that seems to echo through the room. Nick always loved it when Karl laughed and he would do absolutely anything to hear that sound again.

”That’s hardly sanitary.” Karl points out and Nick lets out a scoff.

”Like sex on the table is any better.”

“Well I was going to say we could go down to the station…have sex in your office…but last time that happened, George walked in and I still can’t look him in the eye.” Karl admits and Nick’s laughing softly yet again, burying his face into Karl’s hair.

“George isn’t working tonight…we could sneak in.” Nick whispers, smirking when Karl shivers involuntarily. Nick thinks about maybe teasing Karl a little, wondering how worked up he could get his husband before they left.

“At this rate, we’re gonna be here all night.” Karl says, looking at the doors yet again. Alex had been in there for nearly two hours now and Karl was starting to get impatient. He knew they couldn’t rush these things, but it wasn’t like Alex was delivering the baby naturally.

“We could always come back in the morning…” Nick offers, earning a shake of the head from his husband.

“I promised Orion we’d wait out here since his parents couldn’t make it.” Karl says, letting out a yawn as his body reminds him how shitty of a night of sleep he’d gotten last night. He nuzzles further into Nick’s chest, humming softly as Nick starts to play with his hair. He could easily fall asleep like this, his eyes slowly starting to close. He felt like he’d literally just fallen asleep when Nick’s shaking him, saying his name softly.

“Karl, babe. Wake up. Orion’s got someone he’d like us to meet.” Nick says, shaking his husband gently and earning a groan from Karl as he opens up his eyes again. Orion was nowhere in sight when Karl sits up, a confused expression on his face.

”Where’s he at?” Karl asks, moving off of Nick’s lap.

“He’s with Alex and the baby, he just left and I told him we’d be there in a minute. So c’mon.” Nick says, standing up from his chair and groaning a little at how stiff his back felt. Karl has a guilty expression on his face at that, but Nick is quick to pull him into his side. Together they walk to the recovery wing, Karl resting his head on Nick’s shoulder as they do so. Karl moves away once they reach Alex’s room, Nick opening the door for him. They walk in quietly, Alex peeking up at the sound of the door but Karl could tell he was exhausted. Orion is standing by a small cart that Karl knew for a fact held a little baby, the young man’s heart swelling at just the sight of the cart.

“Hey guys…” Orion says, smiling softly at his friends. Karl tears his eyes away from the baby cart to look at Orion, returning his smile before he walks over there to give him a hug.

”Congrats, dude.” Karl says, moving out of the way so that Nick can do the same. Orion is pulling the baby out of the cart when Karl turns around, the sound the baby makes just about floors Karl.

”Boys, I’d like to you to meet our little girl…Araceli Daisy Gold-Maldonado.” Orion says, smiling proudly and completely missing the look that Nick and Karl share.

Chapter Text

SIX: An empty box

”So…are you sure George isn’t here?” Karl asks, following closely behind Nick as they walk into what appeared to be a deserted station but Karl knew there was at least the night shift. It consisted of a few college kids that Karl hadn’t really gotten to know yet, not that he hadn’t tried to. They were pretty closed off around Karl, but Nick says that they’re that way with everyone but George.

“I’m positive. He had a date.” Nick says, reaching for the keys to his office as Karl continues to look around nervously. He was rather looking forward to what was going to happen once they got in there, but he was still worried that George would walk in or one of the college interns…

”With who?” Karl asks, giggling when Nick lets out a triumphant sound when he finally gets the door unlocked. Karl feels a little giddy as they walk into the clearly deserted office, risking a nervous glance out the door before Nick shuts it quietly behind him.

“Dunno, didn’t really have time to ask him. Now where do you want to do it?” Nick asks, the grin on his face making Karl giggle a little. Karl pretends to look around the room for a spot, tapping his chin as he does so.

“I don’t know, your office doesn’t seem to be all that ideal of a spo-“ Karl starts only to be interrupted when Nick lifts him up and places him down on his desk. Nick grins proudly before going in for a kiss, loving how Karl’s fingers start to tangle into his hair. Karl lets out a little noise when they accidentally knock over the cup of pencils, pulling away to observe the mess only to have Nick take advantage of his exposed neck. Karl gasps a little when Nick slides his hand into his pants as he hadn’t even realized Nick had unbuttoned them in the first place. Nick’s trying to get Karl on his back which wasn’t going so well as Karl accidentally hits the keyboard of Nick’s computer, the loud ding of the computer turning on causing them both to jump.

”We could always just do it on the floor…” Nick offers up, earning a laugh from Karl.

“You and your floors…” Karl teases, leaning in for another kiss that gets heavy within just a few seconds. Nick’s hands are moving all over Karl’s body, his skin feeling like it might catch fire at just the simple touches. Nick always made Karl feel alive, even after five years. Karl’s got Nick’s pants unbuttoned now, pulling them down but giving up once they were past his ass. Both shirts had been tossed to the side at some point, Karl’s hanging on Nick’s filing cabinet while Nick’s appeared to be just by the door.

“I gotta grab the condom, hold up.” Nick says after a few more minutes of very heavy kissing. Karl lets out a soft wine as his husband pulls away completely, only to giggle at the way Nick’s walking. Nick walks over to his filing cabinet, opening up the bottom drawer where he kept a small box of condoms just for occasions like this.

”Well shit…” Nick curses when he grabs the now empty box, silently wondering how the hell they’d gone through the whole box already when Karl hadn’t been to the station for well over two months.

“What?” Karl asks, craning his head so he can see across the room.

”We don’t have any.” Nick says, holding up the empty box. He was pretty sure it was George who took the last one, probably for his stupid date the bastard.

“Oh well…we could always just risk it?” Karl offers up and Nick gets rigid at that because no, they could not risk it. Nick refused to risk it.

“No. We’ll just…we’ll just go home.” Nick says and Karl frowns at that.

”You’re kidding right?” Karl asks and Nick shakes his head, pulling up his pants and grimacing at how tight they were in that moment. He’s grabbing Karl’s shirt off the filing cabinet, handing it over to the other male who is still waiting for Nick’s excuse this time even though he knew what it was. Karl didn’t want to fight anymore, he didn’t want to go to bed angry…

But the issue was something he needed to bring up. He wanted Nick to understand how badly he wanted a baby, how badly he felt like this was what they needed. The room in the flat that just lay empty needed something and it wasn’t about to be a dog.

“Nick, I want a baby.” Karl says it, the last sentence Nick wanted to hear, and it just hangs in the air for a few seconds as Nick stands with his back to his husband. Karl sees how tense Nick’s shoulders are and he can hear his own heart beating so rapidly he was surprised it hadn’t burst out of his chest.

“It’s been…we’ve been married for three years now and I…I want a baby.” Karl says again, this time slower as he stares at Nick. Nick closes his eyes, taking in a deep breath before he turns around, opening his eyes to be met with Karl’s grey ones which looked so sad and vulnerable.

”Not now, Karl.” Nick says, trying to stand his ground even when Karl’s somewhat hopeful expression drops.

“If not now, when?” Karl asks, instantly hating how desperate he sounded. He didn’t get why Nick wouldn’t want this, why he was so against it.

”I don’t know, Karl. Just not right now.” Nick says, handing Karl his shirt before he finally grabs his own. Nick is still trying to stand his ground, pretending like he doesn’t see how upset Karl is because he knew there was only one way to make Karl happy in that moment.

And that was to give him the one thing he wanted and that was something Nick just couldn’t do.

Chapter Text

SEVEN: The cold shoulder

”Karl, I’m so—“ Nick starts as soon as they walk into their flat only to have Karl blow him off, the older of the two going straight to their bedroom and slamming the door. The sound echoes through the flat, Nick flinching at it before he runs his hands through his hair. Karl didn’t say a single word to Nick the entire car ride home, he wouldn’t even look at Nick or acknowledge him when he would try to start a conversation.

Karl didn’t even wait for Nick to put the car into the park setting before he climbed out, practically sprinting to their door while Nick scrambled after him. Karl was faster though, walking through the front door and leaving it wide open as Nick tries to catch his breath at the base of the stairs. Karl had locked the bedroom door almost instantly, leaving Nick standing in their hallway feeling like an idiot.

”Karl, baby…please open the door? I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” Nick says softly through the door, over and over again to the point that even he’s sick of hearing it. Karl doesn’t open the door though and Nick lets out a sigh as he leans against it, sliding down until he’s on the floor. He didn’t know what he was going to do, he didn’t know what he was going to say to make it all okay again…

He didn’t know how to make Karl understand.

Nick somehow falls asleep against the door, waking up to the feeling of his head hitting the floor when Karl opens it the next morning. Karl doesn’t even acknowledge him, stepping over him and heading towards their kitchen. Nick scrambles up from his spot on the floor, letting out a groan at how sore all of his muscles feel but he doesn’t dwell on that. He’s more concerned about Karl who was making breakfast by the sounds of it. Nick isn’t sure what’s going to happen as he walks into the kitchen, standing a little ways away from his husband who’s slamming shut the cupboards and grumbling to himself. He catches Nick’s gaze, but he looks away quickly before going back to grabbing out a coffee mug. He slams shut that cupboard too, not caring how it echoes through the flat.

It always did that, Karl could hear every little sound in the stupid flat and he hated it. He hated how deafening the silence was when Nick worked late, when it was just him. Nick never had to deal with that because Karl was always home, Nick didn’t know how bad it got when he’d go away on business trips or just decided to crash at George’s because he didn’t want to drive home that night. Nick didn’t know and Karl had gone three years without saying anything.

“So…are you just going to pretend like I’m not here or?” Nick asks, taking another step into the kitchen as Karl opens up the fridge for the coffee creamer. Karl wasn’t much of a coffee person, only drinking it when he didn’t sleep well the night before…and he hadn’t slept at all. Nick on the other hand seemed to have no problem falling asleep, which in turn only made the older even angrier. Karl shuts the fridge rather forcibly, placing the creamer on the kitchen counter as the coffee pot starts to beep.

“Look, I’m sorry about that…I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to make you angry.” Nick says, watching as Karl rather wearily reaches for the coffee pot. Karl pours himself a cup, still refusing to even acknowledge Nick.

“Jesus, Karl. Will you just talk to me? I know you’re upset but how the hell am I going to fix it if you won’t even look at me?” Nick demands and Karl lets out a snort, shaking his head as he goes to take a sip of his coffee. It doesn’t make him feel any better and Nick staring at him wasn’t helping either. So Karl makes a point of looking at Nick, his glare making Nick shift on his feet nervously.

”I’m sorry about last night.” Nick says again and Karl lets out a sigh before he shakes his head.

”That’s not why I’m angry, Nick.” Karl says and Nick pretends like he doesn’t know the reason.

”Why then?” Nick asks and Karl puts the mug back down on the counter rather harshly, the liquid inside nearly spilling out and Nick was surprised the mug hadn’t broken.

“You shouldn’t have to ask, Nick. You know why I’m angry and I’m so sick…I’m just really done with your bullshit excuses. Why won’t you have a baby with me?” Karl asks, trying to keep his voice steady but in that moment all he felt like doing was crying. He was just frustrated with Nick and the way he’s looking at him with a blank expression.

“Karl…it’s…it’s not that I don’t want to have a baby with you, it’s…I just…I don’t want a baby.” Nick says, swallowing the lump in his throat that had formed as he says it. The look on Karl’s face was making Nick’s heart beat a little faster, the fear that this was it…that this was the defining moment in their relationship hitting him in full force.

”Why? What’s so wrong with having a baby?” Karl asks, placing his hands down on the counter as he stares at Nick intensely. Nick takes in a deep breath, running a hand through his hair and tugging at it slightly as he does.

“What if…what if I screw up? What if they end up hating me and I…and I screw them up like my parents screwed me up? I can’t…I won’t…” Nick can’t speak anymore, the words no longer coming out like he wanted and all he can do is hope that Karl understands.

“Nick…you aren’t like them and I know…I know that you’re scared, but I just…I haven’t asked for much in our five years and this…this is something that I really want, something that I think will be great for us. So could you please just give it a shot? For me?” Karl asks, keeping his voice soft as he reaches across the counter for Nick’s hand. Nick hesitates before he takes it, giving it a soft squeeze before nodding.

”Okay…for you…”

Chapter Text

EIGHT: Talk show advice

”So, how’d talking to Karl go?” George asks the next morning, sipping at his cup of tea between commercial breaks. Nick looked exhausted, currently on his third cup of coffee and it wasn’t even ten yet. The day was already dragging out, Nick wishing more than anything that he’d just called in because he just couldn’t stay awake.

”It went…well, I suppose? I mean, we’re uh…we’re gonna start trying for a baby?” Nick says quietly, refusing to even look at George as he says it. Nick was still trying to figure out how it happened, how he’d gone from telling Karl there was just no way in hell he’d have a baby to agreeing to try.

Trying meant having a baby…the thought alone made Nick a little sick to his stomach. He didn’t know why he agreed, maybe it was because he was just terrified that if he didn’t…Karl would walk out that front door and never come back. Nick didn’t want that, so he did what he thought would work. He said yes…

”Whoa…that’s uh…what happened to the whole anti-baby campaign you were on yesterday?” George asks, leaning back in his chair as he watches Nick. Nick lets out a shaky sigh, running a hand through his hair before he just shrugs.

“Orion and Alex had their baby, as you know…and well, we made a bet about the gender…our usual wager of sex wherever we wanted…Karl chose the office and I…well doesn’t matter where I picked cause Karl won…so we came here and we were about to do it-“

”Nick, I really don’t need a play by play.” George interrupts, earning an eye roll from Nick as he continues with his story.

“I went to go grab the condom only to find out that somebody took the last one. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you, George?” Nick asks, glaring at his best friend who gives him a nervous smile.

”Oops…”

“Bastard…anyways, I told Karl that we shouldn’t risk it and that we should just head home…he got mad, like really mad, probably the maddest I’ve ever seen him…he flat out refused to talk to me, locked himself in the bedroom for the entire night…he still wouldn’t talk to me this morning, refused to even look at me for the first little while and then…I told the truth, you know? About how I’m scared I’ll end up up like my parents, how I’ll fuck our kid up like my parents fucked me up…and Karl…he uh…he did that thing he always does, you know? Where he just makes everything seem better by simply wrapping his arms around me…and in that moment, I guess I realized that it was just…pointless to keep denying him the thing he wants. So…I gave in.” Nick says, his voice trailing off and going into a whisper because he still couldn’t believe it.

They were going to try…

”Wow…that’s uh…wow.” George is at a lose for words, staring at his friend with wide eyes because he didn’t think Nick would give in that easy. Sure, Karl’s been trying to wear Nick down on the baby thing since Alex announced his own pregnancy…but George was still surprised.

“Yeah…I’m still a bit surprised myself…but if…if having a baby is what it takes to make Karl happy, then I guess I have little choice in the matter.” Nick says, his voice still quiet as he starts to play with the spoon in his coffee mug.

“You’re kinda treading on thin ice with the attitude though…you’re making it sound like having a baby is the worst thing to ever happen or something.” George points out and Nick lets out a groan as he puts his head in his hands.

”I know…but I just, I can’t bring myself to be happy about it, you know? Like just thinking about it right now is making me feel sick…but I have to be happy about it, for Karl’s sake and I’m fucking trying.” Nick says, clenching his eyes shut as he takes in a very shaky breath. He could just picture it now, Karl over the moon excited as he plans out a romantic evening that would end in Nick’s current worst nightmare.

Unprotected sex which of course went to his next nightmare…a baby.

”You really need to be talking to Karl about this…”

”And say what? Yeah, I know I said we could try this morning but the mere idea of even trying for a baby makes me physically ill and I really think we shouldn’t.’ That’ll end just dandy, Gogy. Thanks for the suggestion.” Nick says bitterly, yelping in pain when George kicks his shin.

“Don’t be a dick, Nick.”

”We wouldn’t even be having this conversation if you hadn’t stolen my condoms.” Nick says, glaring at George while rubbing his shin. George simply just rolls his eyes, shaking his head a little before he speaks again.

“Just talk to your husband. If you do it, I’ll buy you another box.” George says, turning to the microphone as the commercial break ends. Nick isn’t really listening to what George is saying, too busy dealing with his inner panic because George was right.

He had to talk with Karl.

Chapter Text

NINE: A Little Bit Like Music

”So how’s the baby?” Karl asks, sitting in his classroom as he waits for school to start, talking to Orion over the phone. Orion was taking the next three weeks off to help Alex with the baby, getting a substitute teacher to cover for him. Karl missed him already though, not having a ton of other friends in the school. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the other teachers, it was just that most of them were females who despite the fact that Karl had told them he was very gay…still thought he was worth a shot to flirt with. It made him a little uncomfortable sometimes, so he mostly just hung out with Orion…

It was going to be a very long three weeks.

”She’s great, absolutely beautiful. She’s literally an angel, I know everyone says that about their kid but I mean it. I never thought I could love something so easily, but the second they put her in my arms…I just knew I’d do anything for her, you know?” Orion says quietly on the other end and Karl could just picture the look on his face in that moment. It was a look that Karl couldn’t wait to see on Nick’s face with their own baby, one filled with nothing but love and admiration for the tiny little thing in his arms.

“Do you and Alex need anything? I’ve got a few errands I’ll be running after school today anyways, so it won’t be a big deal if you needed something.” Karl offers, standing up and writing today’s morning warmup on the board. It was just a simple spelling exercise as he was teaching six year olds.

“Could you possibly stop by our place and just check on Roxy? I can’t remember if we filled up her food or not before we left, we were in a bit of a rush.” Orion continues to talk quietly which leads Karl to believe that’s he’s probably holding the baby or she was at least in the room. Karl’s heart tugs at just the mere thought of a baby, the idea of a little boy with Nick’s chocolate brown eyes playing soccer in the park just past their apartment is enough to make Karl’s breath catch in his throat.

“Yeah, I can do that. Do you and Alex need anything at the hospital?” Karl asks, stepping back from the board with a small smile as he’s satisfied with his work. He puts the cap on the maker, putting it back in the tray before he sits back down. He could hear Orion talking to Alex in the background, both of them sounding exhausted but equally happy at the same time.

“There’s a pair of sweats in the dryer, could you bring them? Along with one of the baby beanies we’ve got it the nursery? I forgot to pack one despite the fact I knew she’d be born in November.” Orion says, earning a nod from Karl who looks up at the clock. His students would start walking into the classroom any minute now, school starting in ten minutes.

“Of course. I’ll stop by around four to drop it all off? I won’t be able to stay for long cause Nick gets off at five tonight and we’ve got…we’ve got plans.” Karl says, a grin finding its way onto his face because they were finally going to try. It had taken Karl a year to get Nick to even agree to try and that alone made Karl giddy.

“Oh? What plans do you guys have in store?” Orion ask, a shushing sound echoing through the speaker as a very frustrated cry sounds out on the other end.

“Just stuff, you know…gonna make him a nice dinner and then…well…you know…” Karl says, earning a laugh from Orion that quickly turns into another shush. Karl could hear Araceli crying and even he finds it strange how his heart soars at the sound. To any other person, the sound of a baby crying was probably rather unsettling…but to Karl it sounded like music.

”Well you guys have fun doing…stuff. Alex and I will be here with our little princess having our own fun.” Orion says and Karl hears Alex in the background yet again asking Orion for something else from their apartment.

“Do you think you could also grab one of Araceli’s blankets? Alex doesn’t think two will be enough when we bring her home in a few days.” Orion says, a fond tone to his voice that Karl could just picture the look on his face. It was the same look Karl got when he talked about Nick, he called it unconditional love, Orion said it was just because he was whipped.

“Do you want me to just pack a whole suitcase filled with nothing but things for the baby?” Karl asks, earning another laugh from Orion that quickly faded. Alex is talking again, but Karl doesn’t pay attention to what he says as some of his students file into the classroom. Karl smiles softly at them, waving as they put their backpacks in their respective cubbies before taking their seats.

”Alex says yes, I just say bring the blanket and the beanie.”

“Alright, I’ll be by around four. I gotta go, class starts in a few minutes. Give that baby a kiss for me.” Karl says, exchanging a quick goodbye with his best friend before hanging up the phone. He sends Nick a quick text before he puts his phone away, once again feeling giddy.

To: Hubby <3  Sent: 8:23 am

i can’t wait for tonight, love you xx

Chapter Text

TEN: Rain check

”C’mon, Roxy. Come and get your food little kitty…” Karl calls out softly, keeping an eye out for the almost ancient cat that belonged to the Gold-Maldonado’s. She didn’t really like Karl, but to be fair she didn’t really like anyone who wasn’t Alex. Karl was a little bit terrified of her, mainly due to the fact the last time he’d stopped by she had jumped out of nowhere and bit his hand. He still had the scar and the memory was very fresh in his mind.

“Roxy, you need to come out so I can at least assure Alex you aren’t dead…” Karl says, watching the entrance to the kitchen rather wearily. He jumps when there’s a loud crash, looking towards the noise to catch sight of the stark white cat that often haunted his nightmares. She’s looking at him like he’s something to eat and Karl wastes no time in getting out of the apartment.

He went straight to the hospital after that, grabbing the small bag of things from the apartment out of the backseat once he arrives. He walks pretty quickly to Alex’s room, feeling like he’s pressed for time but really it was just cause he wanted to hold the baby.

”Orion, you’re holding her wrong!” Is the first thing Karl hears along with high pitch wailing as he walks into Alex’s hospital room.

“I am holding her just like I did yesterday, Alex. She’s just hungry.” Orion says, trying to calm down the baby as Alex sits in his bed with a very grumpy expression. The expression fades when he catches sight of Karl though, a bright smile now there instead.

“Karl! You made it.” Alex says excitedly, Orion turning around with a grateful expression on his own face.

”Yeah. Sorry I’m a little late, Roxy tried to kill me.” Karl says, walking further into the room. He hands Alex the bag filled with his stuff, kissing his friend’s cheek as he does so. Araceli had stopped crying now and Karl is holding his arms out for her.

”Watch her head.” Orion says as he slowly passes his daughter over to Karl. Karl’s smile is almost blinding as he holds the baby, a part of him feeling whole for just that moment.

He couldn’t wait until it was his baby he was holding, a little boy with Nick’s beautiful eyes or a little girl, Karl didn’t care. He just wanted a baby. Karl stays for longer than he probably should have, having not been paying attention to the time. He’s quick to say goodbye to his friends, giving the small baby a quick kiss to her forehead before he leaves the hospital.

Nick’s home by the time Karl gets there, his car parked in the spot next to Karl’s. Karl walks straight up to their apartment, a smile on his face and a skip in his steps as he enters. He doesn’t see Nick right away, but he can hear the shower running. Karl thinks about maybe joining him, but instead he decides to start dinner. He had the whole evening planned, something that Nick would normally tease him about but Karl didn’t seem to mind. It was a special thing to Karl, the start of the new chapter of their lives so naturally, Karl had it planned.

He perks up when the shower turns off, the apartment falling into a silence except for the sound of Nick moving around in their bedroom. Karl keeps cooking though, smiling softly as he thinks about how great the night was going to be.

”Hey, what are you cooking?” Nick asks, having finally walked out of the bedroom. He had a duffel bag in his left hand and a plane ticket in his right, but Karl hadn’t noticed yet.

“Well I was going to make homemade pizza, but I lost track of time at the hospital so I’m maki-Why are you carrying a bag?” Karl asks, having turned around mid-sentence and catching sight of Nick’s travel bag.

“Didn’t you get my text? George and I are covering a music festival in Los Angeles.” Nick says and Karl stops what he’s doing, the bright smile on his face falling instantly because that wasn’t apart of his plan.

”But…what about…what about tonight?” Karl asks, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt in the moment. It was just typical.

“I’m sorry, Karl…but our flight is in like two hours. I promise as soon as I get back, I’ll take you out to a nice dinner, somewhere fancy…and we can…we can try then.” Nick says, shrugging like that was the best answer he could give and Karl does his best to keep calm.

”Fine.” Karl says, his voice holding no emotion to it but Nick still doesn’t seem to catch on to the fact that Karl was upset.

“I’ll be back on Saturday.” Nick says, walking into the kitchen to give his husband a kiss but Karl moves at the last minute so Nick’s lips land on his cheek. Nick honestly should’ve seen it coming, but he was still surprised that Karl had actually done that. Even when he was angry with him, Karl still let Nick kiss him.

”I love you.” Nick whispers as he pulls away, earning nothing more than a nod from Karl. Nick knows he shouldn’t leave if Karl’s upset with him, but he really did have a flight to catch. So he kisses Karl’s cheek one last time before walking out of the apartment without another word.

Chapter Text

ELEVEN: The rough patch

Nick couldn’t sleep, laying on the cheap bed in the cheap hotel room listening to just the sounds of George snoring in the bed next to his. Nick keeps looking at the clock, wondering if maybe it wasn’t too early in England to give Karl a call. Nick felt terrible for just leaving, he should’ve stayed until Karl wasn’t angry with him anymore…

But Nick needed to leave. He needed space so he could think, he needed to figure out what he was going to do. He didn’t want to tell Karl no, he didn’t want to see that crushed look on Karl’s face when he finally just said he was putting his foot down and he wouldn’t have a baby. No…Nick wouldn’t do that, but that was how Nick felt in the moment. So Nick ran, going to the states to some music festival that he honestly couldn’t remember the name of…and he was already regretting it, but it was too late now.

Nick glances at the clock again, letting out a sigh as he sees it’s just past two in the morning. He’d been in the states enough times over the years to know that Karl would be awake by now. Nick climbs out of bed, grabbing his phone off the nightstand before walking out to the hotel balcony. He calls Karl once he’s outside, leaning against the railing as he waits patiently for Karl to answer.

“Hello?” Karl answers after the forth ring, sleep still evident in his voice and Nick bites back a smile at the image of his sleepy husband. He’d only been gone for a few hours, but he already missed Karl like crazy.

“Hey…did I wake you?” Nick asks, keeping his voice down low despite the fact he knew George wouldn’t be able to hear him.

”Not really, just haven’t gotten my coffee yet. How was your flight?” Karl asks, his voice just as quiet as Nick’s.

”It was uh…it was good.” Nick says and all Karl does is hum in response. There’s a silence for a moment, Nick feeling a little on edge as Karl doesn’t say anything.

“Are…are we okay?” Nick asks, the question seeming to float in the air as Karl remains quiet for another moment. Karl lets out a sigh and Nick bites down hard on his lip his almost certain he’s drawing blood. He hated it when Karl was mad at him and lately that’s all Karl seemed to be towards him.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I’m…I’m sure it’s just a rough patch, but I’m…I’m still kinda angry with you, you know? I know that we just agreed about it, but I planned everything out and…you just literally just left. And for the record, you didn’t text me anything about your little music festival. So I need to be honest with me, did you leave just so we wouldn’t try for a baby last night?” Karl asks and it’s Nick’s turn to hesitate in his answer. Was this when he tells him?

“I…I guess so. I don’t…I don’t know, Karl. It’s…everything…I just don’t think I’m ready for this, you know? I know that you are, and I’m trying to be…but I just…” Nick trails, running a hand through his hair as he lets out a long sigh, “I’m not ready to have a baby.”

”Then why did you say yes?”

“What was I supposed to say? You’ve made it more than clear that this is what you want and I want to be able to give you what you want, but right now…it’s just too much. I said yes because I love you and I don’t…I don’t want to loose you.” Nick says honestly, but he doesn’t any better. He could practically picture the look on Karl’s face and he already felt like he should’ve just given him what wanted. Nick would get nine months to warm up to the idea of a child…Karl wouldn’t be angry with him…they wouldn’t be having this conversation.

”Having a baby isn’t going to make you loose me, Nick.”

”But saying that I don’t want one will, that’s what I’m saying here, Karl.”

”You don’t know that.”

“Yes I do. All we’ve done for nearly four days now is argue about this. You’ve been angry with me pretty much everyday, to the point where you wouldn’t even talk to me. So don’t tell me that I don’t know, because I do. If I tell you no, if I refuse to do this…you’re going to leave me. Just admit it.”

“Why? Why do I have to admit it if you all of a sudden know everything, Nick? Do you really think I’m that selfish?” Nick nearly flinches at the way Karl says it, the words almost like venom.

”That’s not what I’m saying.” Nick says quickly, trying to keep the situation from blowing up in his face but he could tell it was a little late for that.

”It’s what you’re implying.”

“No, it’s not. Stop making this a bigger deal than it is.” Nick says, instantly regretting it when Karl takes in a sharp breath. Nick pinches the bridge of his nose, silently chewing himself out.

”Have fun at your stupid fucking music festival, Nick.” Is all Karl says though, hanging up the phone and Nick lets out a groan. He just made the situation worse.

What the hell was he going to come home to?

Chapter Text

TWELVE: Surprises

Karl feels like throwing his phone across the room once he hangs up on Nick, letting out a very loud groan as he places his head in his hands. He stays like that for a few minutes, trying to wrap his head around everything until the coffee pot beeps. Karl feels sick to his stomach at the smell, but he’s just blaming it on the headache he’d woken up with. He can’t even bring himself to drink it now, leaving the pot untouched as he walks to the bathroom. He’s hoping a quick shower will make it better, but if anything he feels worse as he climbs out.

Karl still goes to work though, walking into the school building at his usual time of just twenty minutes before the first bell rings. He was one of the few who actually showed up early, the halls pretty much deserted as he walks to his classroom. He’s grateful for the peace and quiet as he writes that says agenda on the board, sitting down once he was done to brace himself for the day.

His headache doesn’t get any better throughout the day, neither did the sick feeling in his stomach. He’s grateful by the time the final bell rings and he’s even more grateful once he gets home. He looks for his phone for the first time since that morning as he walks through the front door, rolling his eyes when he sees how many missed calls he has from Nick.

He doesn’t call him back though, still angry with Nick and he honestly didn’t feel like calling his husband back. He didn’t want to hear the same thing over and over again from Nick, so Karl feels like Nick can wait a few days. Maybe he’ll come up with a whole new level of excuses, Karl just couldn’t wait to hear those.

Karl turns in early that night, still not feeling all that great. He hardly gets any sleep, his chest sore and the bed just felt far too cold without Nick next to him. By the time he finally falls asleep, he feels like his alarm is going off and Karl can’t bring himself to go into work that morning. So he calls for a sub teacher, spending the rest of his morning in bed with a pounding headache. He hurts everywhere and he didn’t get why.

So he finds himself calling for a doctor’s appointment when he wakes up for the third morning in a row feeling like absolute shit. He has to drag himself out of bed, not even bothering to really get dressed and remaining in his sweats and oversized hoodie. He got an early appointment so he didn’t end up having to wait around for long, being lead back to an exam room after only a few moments.

Nick is calling again, but Karl can’t bring himself to answer. Nick would be home that afternoon anyways, he’d gotten a very early flight and Karl had decided they’d just talk when Nick came home. Karl wasn’t looking forward to it, but he knew it was inevitable. Karl isn’t even paying attention as the nurse takes his vitals, only flinching a little when she takes some blood. He only tunes in when she hands him a small cup, giving him directions to the bathroom and what exactly he was supposed to do.

Karl does as she says, returning to the exam room once he’s finished where he waits for a little longer. The doctor sounds over the moon excited as she walks in, holding a clipboard in her hand with Karl’s test results.

—————————-

Nick wants nothing more than to get home as soon as the plane lands. He’d had a horrible time at the festival for several reasons, but the main one was that he was terrified at what he’d be coming home to. Karl hadn’t talked to him for nearly three days, the longest either of them had gone since the time in University when Nick had been stupid enough to tell Karl he needed a break. Nick had to pretty much drop to his knees and ask for forgiveness back then, who’s to say what he’d have to do this time?

He calls Karl when the plane lands, leaving a voicemail letting his husband know he’s on his way home. George gives him a lift home, the older wishing Nick good luck once they reached his apartment. Nick feels like he needs more than luck as he walks up the two flights of stairs that led up to his and Karl’s apartment, the walk seeming to drag on far longer than needed.

Nick hesitates at the front door, his hand on the doorknob as he takes in a deep breath. He didn’t know what was waiting for him behind that door, he didn’t know if he was walking in on a possibility of divorce or if Karl had actually somehow forgiven him.

When he does walk into the apartment, it’s not either of those things. The place is empty, not a sound being made. There’s a light on in the kitchen though, something that never happens as Karl was one of those who always turned off the lights. Nick was the one who left them on.

Nick walks into the kitchen with a confused expression, his eyes catching onto something on the counter. He recognizes it almost instantly, his hands shaking as he reaches out to grab the small picture. Attached to it is a sticky note in Karl’s handwriting and Nick feels his stomach drop because this wasn’t a prank.

Congrats, once you get your head out of your ass, you’re going to be a dad. Until then, I’ll be staying at my sister’s.

All the love, K

Chapter Text

THIRTEEN: The first step

Nick feels like he can’t breathe, his chest clenching tightly as he drops the sonogram back onto the kitchen counter.

”Fuck.” Nick groans out, his eyes shut and his head in his hands. He tugs at his hair, trying to wrap his thoughts around it but all he could think about was that Karl was pregnant and Nick knew how it happened.

It had been a few months ago. Orion was throwing his usual over the top birthday party despite the fact that Alex had begged him not to. Alex was seven months pregnant, he didn’t like to do much but Orion was all about celebrating his last birthday before the baby came. Nick took Orion’s side, Karl picked Alex’s.

Nick had been in a bad mood that night, for reasons that he still hasn’t told Karl about despite it being a while back. They’d shown up at separate times, Karl already at the party when Nick arrived. Nick didn’t seek his husband out right away, instead he had gone straight to Orion’s open bar. Nick was one who liked to forget his problems, Karl had always hated that aspect of his husband.

Karl had found him when he was three drinks in, the buzz finally starting to hit enough to where Nick didn’t feel like he was falling apart. Karl doesn’t say a word about Nick’s state, not wanting to fight and for that Nick was grateful.

It had been Nick’s idea to ditch the party early after Orion blew out the candles, he needed air and Karl didn’t seem to mind when Nick’s lips brushed his ear. Most of it was a blur for Nick, but he remembered Karl stopping him just before they went through with it.

”Did you grab a condom?” Karl had asked, looking up at Nick with a soft expression. His forehead was already slick with sweat, his lips swollen and Nick was quite proud of the hickey at the base of Karl’s clavicle.

”I think we’re out…I can run to the store if you want but I’m okay with risking if you are…” Nick had offered and Karl didn’t hesitate anymore.

”Fuck…” Nick groans out again, opening his eyes only to wish he hadn’t as the sonogram was practically staring at him. Nick almost thought about taking the damn thing and throwing it away, but he just knew that would make Karl upset if he found out. Well, more upset than he already was. Not once in their five years together had Karl actually walked out on Nick. It didn’t matter if they were screaming at each other, Karl always stayed…

But Karl wasn’t home, he’d runway to his sister’s, leaving Nick alone to deal with his own mistakes. Nick couldn’t make anymore excuses, he couldn’t tell Karl he wasn’t ready, that he thinks they should wait because he didn’t have that luxury anymore.

Karl was pregnant, with his baby…and Nick felt like he could really use a drink. So he grabs his car keys off the counter, walking out of the apartment and completely ignoring his neighbor Mrs. Elberman who was always a little too nosy for her own good. She was always in the middle of everyone’s business it seemed and Nick honestly wasn’t in the mood to deal with her at that moment.

Nick drives to the closest bar, walking through the front door and ordering the strongest thing he could think of. He doesn’t touch it for a few minutes, once again placing his head in his hands and tugging at his hair. He wasn’t ready, he couldn’t…he couldn’t be a dad.

The thought alone was enough to make Nick down the entire drink, putting the glass back down on the counter and signaling the bartender for another. Nick’s hands are still shaking and he feels like he’s grasping for air yet again. Karl just didn’t get it, he didn’t understand how terrifying Nick found all of this…and Nick was supposed to just be okay with that. He was supposed to just throw his hands up in the air and pretend like he just didn’t care anymore.

It was what Karl wanted and hell, Nick wanted it too…he wanted to be over the moon about this. He wanted one of those cliche movie moments where he spins Karl around in a circle, kissing him as he puts Karl back on his feet because he was just that happy. He wanted to sit at home and argue with Karl over baby names, not sit alone at a bar with this third drink almost completely gone while Karl ignores all his calls.

Nick wanted the happy family, he wanted that with Karl, but Nick didn’t know what it was like to have a happy family. Karl had the happy family, the one where everyone loved and respected each other despite all their flaws. Nick didn’t. Nick had the parents that kept him up with their constant screaming, he had the parents who hated each other and him. He grew up stuck in the middle of their fights, even when his mother finally divorced his father.

Nick didn’t want that for his kid. His kid deserved better…and that meant that Nick needed to get over himself. So he pays the bartender, standing up a little shakily and walking out of the bar. He pulls out his phone, dialing Karl’s number as soon as he was outside.

”I’m sorry.”

Chapter Text

FOURTEEN: Stuck

”And hello to you too, Assface.” Scarlett says on the other line, surprising Nick for a moment. He takes his phone off his ear to see if he’d accidentally called Scarlett, but it was definitely Karl’s number on his screen.

”Where’s Karl?” Nick asks, running a hand through his hair before shivering as a breeze hits him.

”He doesn’t want to talk to you right now.” Scarlett says and Nick lets out a sigh.

“Well I want to talk to him, so please put him on the phone.” Nick says, scrapping his shoe on the curb before he sits down. He was waiting until he sobered up before he drove the thirty minutes it would take to get to Scarlett’s.

”Why?” Scarlett asks and Nick puts his head in his free hand. On any other day, Nick absolutely adored Scarlett but in that moment he just really wished she’d shut up.

“Because I fucked up, Scarlett. I’m sure he’s told you all about it, so please just…I need to talk to him and tell him how sorry I am.” Nick says quietly, clenching his eyes shut and taking in a deep breath.

“You really think apologizing over the phone is the way to do it?” Scarlett asks and Nick throws his hand up in the air. It was moments like these where Nick had no doubt in his mind that Scarlett and Karl were siblings.

“I know it’s not going to just magically fix the entire situation, Scarlett. It’s a start, so please just put him on the phone. I know he’s there, I can hear him.” Nick says, trying his best not to sound annoyed but he honestly just wanted to talk to Karl right now, not his sister.

”He already said he doesn’t want to talk to you, so maybe you should respect his wishes.” Scarlett says and Nick can’t help the groan that escapes him now.

“Scarlett, please.” Nick whispers, putting his head in his free hand again. It’s quiet on Scarlett’s end for a moment and Nick thinks she actually hung up on him.

“I really don’t want to talk to you right now.” Karl’s voice surprises Nick, making him sit up straighter and clear his throat. It had been several days since he’d heard Karl’s voice and in just that second, he realizes just how badly he missed him.

”I know…I know…but I just…I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry…I’m sorry for how much of a dick I’ve been these past few days, I should’ve been more understanding of what you wanted and I get it now…I want the baby, I want our family…” Nick says, cringing a little due to the fact that it all sounded so much better in his head.

”Do you? Or are you just saying that because now you don’t have a choice?” Karl asks and Nick shakes his head quickly, standing up from the curb.

“I do have a choice, Karl. I have a choice to be happy about the fact that we’re having a baby or be bitter about it and end up like my own parents. I don’t…I don’t want that for our kid. I’m sorry that I’ve been so against it and that it took you actually getting pregnant for me to realize what an ass I was being. So can you please just come home? I’d much rather talk to you about this there than outside of a bar while you’re thirty minutes away.” Nick says, not even thinking about it until Karl takes in a sharp breath. Nick’s drinking had always been a problem since back before they were even together. Nick did it to forget and as the years passed, it took a few more than just one to reach that point. 

“Karl…” Nick starts, having realized his mistake although it was a few seconds too late.

“You promised you’d stop.” Is all Karl says, but it was still enough to shake Nick to his vey core because it was true. He had promised and now he’s just adding yet another rock to the pile he was already buried in.

”I know…I’m sorry.” Nick whispers, closing his eyes only to snap them back open as he pictures the disappointed look Karl was more than likely giving out.

“I think it’s best if we spend some time away from each other. I think you have some shit you need to work out and I need to figure out some things myself.” Karl says, his voice barely over a whisper and Nick swears that he sounds like he’s about to cry.

”Karl, we can’t just sweep it all under the rug and pretend like it’s not there. We need to talk this out.” Nick says just as quietly, biting his lip as he glances at the closed door behind him. He wanted to go back in there, but he already knew how that would end.

“I know we do, but right now I need space. I need to get my head straight and I think you do too. It’ll be for a few days…” Karl trails off like that makes Nick feel any better about the situation. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. They were supposed to be happy…

”Okay…if space…if space is what you need, then I’ll give you space.” Nick whispers, swallowing the lump in his throat because this was the opposite of what he wanted.

”I love you, Nick. You know that right?” Karl asks and Nick lets out a shaky breath before he nods.

”Yeah…I love you too, Karl.”

Chapter Text

FIFTEEN: The three day rule

Nick waits until Monday before he finally decides enough is enough. He calls George first thing in the morning, letting his co-host know that he won’t be in that day. Nick makes sure everything is perfect in the apartment, along with the small surprise he’d set up in the spare bedroom. Once he’s satisfied, Nick goes to the closest flower shop and grabs a bouquet of yellow daises for Karl. Karl had always found roses as a cliche, Nick still remembered the rant Karl had launched into on their first date about roses. It was one of the things that made Nick realize he really liked Karl at the time, how passionate he was about little things.

Nick arrives at the school just before lunch time, the bell ringing as Nick walks into the building. Tons of children come flooding out of classrooms, the younger ones trailing behind their teachers. Nick sees Karl far sooner than Karl sees him, a soft smile on his face as Nick catches sight of his husband leading his class of fifteen down the hallway. Nick goes to Karl’s classroom instead of meeting him in the hall, sitting down on Karl’s desk as he waits patiently for his husband to return. Nick smiles a little at the picture on Karl’s desk, one of the both of them back in their last year of University. It had been the night Nick had asked Karl to marry him, the picture taken just moments before he finally popped the question he’d put off for nearly two weeks. Nick looks up when he hears the door open, his smile falling when it isn’t Karl in front of him but someone vaguely familiar. Nick couldn’t remember his name or really how he knew him, but he already didn’t like this guy.

“Is there something I could help you with? Are you looking for one of Mr. Jacob’s students?” The guy asks, looking to be on edge as Nick stands up.

“No, I’m waiting for Karl to come back. I’m his husband.” Nick says, smiling rather smugly as he stares it. It had been three years and he was still giddy over the title, especially when it came to people Nick claimed as a threat. Nick was the jealous type to say the least, not that he would ever admit that out loud or anything. It was yet another quality that Karl didn’t particularly like about his husband sometimes, especially when he took things too far…But it had been quite sometime since Nick had gone overboard.

“Oh…right. Forgot he was married. I’m uh…Conrad Taylor. I’m the substitute teacher for Mr.Gold until he returns from his leave.” Conrad says, holding out his hand for Nick to shake but Nick makes no move to do so. The name was familiar, but Nick still couldn’t pinpoint where he’d heard it or who this guy was just yet.

Karl returns to his classroom before Nick gets the chance to ask any questions, his eyes widening in surprise when he sees his husband.

”Nick? What are you doing here?” Karl asks, his eyes flickering towards Conrad just for a second before returning to Nick.

“I was hoping we could talk?” Nick says but it comes out as more of a question than anything. Karl had asked for space and here Nick was…not giving him space.

”Now? I’ve got like twenty minutes till the kids are back.” Karl says, but Nick feels like it’s an excuse more than anything else.

“It won’t take long. Just a few minutes.” Nick promises, earning a sigh from Karl before he finally nods.

”Okay…Conrad, would you give us a few minutes?” Karl asks, looking at the third person in the room. Nick had honestly forgotten he was there, finding him completely irrelevant. Conrad walks out of the classroom, leaving Karl and Nick alone.

”So…” Karl starts, trailing off as he looks at Nick.

“I want you to come home.” Nick says and Karl lets out a sharp laugh, shaking his head a little as he leans against the wall. Nick thinks about closing the distance between them, but it was clear Karl didn’t want that. Nick felt like there was a wall up and Karl’s walls were nearly impossible to break down once they were up.

”I know…I know you’re angry with me, Karl…and I’m sorry for being an idiot and a dick and just an all around asshole this past week…but I can’t fix anything if you don’t give me the chance to do so. I want this to work, Karl. I want us to work.” Nick says, maintaining eye contact with his husband as Karl shakes his head.

”I asked for space, Nick.”

“And I gave it to you.” Nick says, trying to keep his voice steady as yelling would only make the situation worse.

”You gave me three days.” Karl shoots back, folding his arms across his chest and quirking his eyebrows, almost as if he was dating Nick to say something else.

”I’m just asking you to come home for one night, Karl. I’m not asking you to forgive me right now, you have ever right to be angry with me…just one night, that’s all I’m asking for you.” Nick says quietly, moving from his spot against the desk and walking over to his husband. He grabs one of Karl’s hands, kissing the knuckles softly before he rests his other hand on Karl’s waist.

“One night, love.” Nick whispers, and Karl lets out a sigh before he finally nods.

”Fine, I’ll come home but you’re sleeping on the couch.” Karl says, trying his best to remain upset with Nick but he was already melting underneath his touch. Nick had always been able to do that.

”I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Chapter Text

SIXTEEN: The simplest of things

Karl sits outside in the parking lot for longer than he cares to admit, staring at the staircase that leads up to his and Nick's apartment and wondering if it was even worth it to go up there. He didn't know what Nick had planned, but knowing him it was something over the top because that's what Nick always did when Karl was upset with him. Karl wished that Nick would go simple, he'd voiced it several times over their five years, but Nick always thought Karl deserved more.

F ROM: Hubby <3    Received 5:07 pm

are you coming in, or do you want me to come and get you?

Karl lets out a soft sigh before he finally gets out of the car, walking to the back door to grab his bag he'd brought to Scarlet's. He still takes his time as he heads up to their flat, stopping at the door before taking in a deep breath. He braces himself before he opens the door, putting on a half sile despite the fact that all he wanted to do was head back down to his car and leave.

"Nick?" Karl calls out, a confused expression on his face as he doesn't catch sight of his husband at first. Their apartment wasn't the biggest, Karl wanting the smaller one despite how much Nick insisted they get the townhouse further in the city. Karl hated the idea of a big home, especially when Nick started to travel for work, leaving him alone.

"In the spare bedroom, babe." Nick calls back, earning another sigh from Karl before he walks down the hall. He can hear Nick moving around, letting out a curse word just as Karl opens the door. Karl's eyes widen when he sees what Nick's done with the previously empty room. For once, Nick hadn't gone over the top. He'd only set up a crib with a baby mobile hanging over the top of it, but to Karl, that was enough. It wasn't going to fix everything, but it sure as hell was a start.

"I know it's not much, but I had to do something...I had this grand idea of doing the entire nursery, but I knew you'd be upset if I did that, and I really didn't wa-" Nick starts to ramble, something he did when there was a silence that made him uncomfortable.

"It's perfect, Nick." Karl says quietly, having walked over to the crib now. He's running his fingers across the wood, looking inside of it and just picturing what they'd have in less than nine months. A baby that would be in that crib, a perfect little mix of the both of them.

"You think?" Nick asks, watching his husband wearily with his arms crossed over his chest. Karl looks up from the crib and over at Nick, a soft smile on his face as he nods.

"Yeah...I really do." Karl says, moving away from the crib and walking over to his husband, who wraps his arms tightly around him for what felt like the first time in weeks. Karl takes in a deep breath, smiling contently as he hadn't realized how badly he'd missed Nick's smell and Nick in general.

"I'm sorry." Nick whispers after a few minutes pass, and Karl pulls away from their embrace.

"I'm sorry too...I haven't exactly been very understanding of your side of things...I've just been so focused on what I wanted that I just...I didn't seem to care about what you wanted, and that was selfish of me, and I'm so-"

"Are you as sick of apologies as I am? Can we just start focusing on what's next? We've got a baby coming...We're gonna start a family." Nick says, and Karl swears that's the first time he's ever heard Nick actually sound excited about the prospect of a baby.

"And you're just suddenly okay with it?" Karl asks.

"Well yeah...I'm still terrified, but I think you are too, and that makes it better...I want to have the chance to prove to myself and to you that I'm not like my parents...I want to be a father, and it just took me a while to figure that out." Nick says, his gaze falling onto Karl's stomach, and he reaches out a hand to touch it.

"You didn't have to prove anything to me, Nick. I already know that you're going to be a great father...It's just you who seems to think you won't be." Karl whispers, biting his lip after he speaks as he lays his hand down on top of Nick's. It was a moment that Karl wanted to last forever, feeling at peace for the first time in days.

"I'm only going to be great because you make me great, Karl...I don't know what I'd do without you." Nick whispers back, leaning in to kiss his husband softly. They're both smiling when Nick pulls back, Karl reaching to wrap both of his arms around Nick's neck.

"You'd probably still be obsessed with the Backstreet Boys." Karl says, earning a loud laugh from his husband before Nick nods in agreement.

"You're right, thank god you came around and showed me reason." Nick says, and it's Karl's turn to laugh.

"Yeah right, I know that you and George still have your little jam parties in the studio. I saw the poster George’s office." Karl teases, and Nick is grinning like a fool because he'd missed this.

And he do absolutely anything to keep it.

Chapter Text

SEVENTEEN: An early morning

Karl wakes up to the feeling of Nick moving off their bed early the next morning, the action making Karl let out a soft groan as he’d been quite comfortable curled up into Nick’s side. Nick turns around at the sound, smiling sheepishly as he notices he’d woken up his husband. 

“Sorry babe, didn’t mean to wake you…” Nick says, reaching into the dresser drawer for a clean t-shirt. Karl was surprised that Nick hadn’t put one on before they’d gone to bed, the cold November air enough to make Karl throw on a sweatshirt for bed despite Nick being a space heater.

“What are you doing up so early?” Karl asks, sitting up as Nick pulls on his shirt to look over at the alarm clock. He just about throws his head back in annoyance when he sees it’s not even past four yet. Karl didn’t even know what time they’d gone to bed, but he sure as hell knew that four in the morning was too fucking early to be awake.

“Gotta head to the station, George needs me to cover the early morning show. Hozier called in.” Nick says, looking at Karl apologetically as he really hadn’t mean to wake up his husband. Once Karl was awake, he didn’t go back to sleep which Karl hated more than anything especially with how light of a sleeper he was.

“Fucking hate Hozier…” Karl grumbles, falling back down against his pillow with a loud sigh. Nick laughs a little, shaking his head as he walks into their adjoining bathroom to brush his teeth. Karl closes his eyes, hoping that he can at least attempt to fall asleep but he gives up after a few minutes. Nick is doing his hair when Karl walks into the bathroom, acknowledging Karl’s presence with a small smile.

“When are you going to be home tonight?” Karl asks, running a hand through his hair as he yawns before grabbing his own toothbrush. Karl was half tempted to just go crawl back into the bed, the bathroom colder than their bedroom had been.

“Probably the usual time, why?” Nick asks, shaking his head when his hair just wasn’t doing what he wanted it to. Karl tries not to roll his eyes, having spent years teasing Nick about how much of a perfectionist he was when it came to his hair but heaven forbid he put his dirty clothes in the hamper. That was a battle that Karl was certain they’d be having for the rest of their days, the thought alone brings a small smile to Karl’s face.

“My mum wants us over for dinner sometime, figured we could go over tonight…Maybe tell her she’s gonna be a grandma or something…” Karl says a little offhandedly, looking at Nick through the mirror to gauge his reaction. Karl still didn’t feel like Nick was completely on board with the baby, sure he’d taken some steps…but nobody changes their mind in a day, especially Nick. If there was one thing that Karl had learned in their five years together, it was that Nick was most definitely a creature of habit. But Karl wanted this to work, he wanted the happy family…so he was just going to go along with whatever Nick was saying.

“Sure, we can do that if you want to. Do you want me to pick you up or are you going to meet me there?” Nick asks, stepping back from the mirror with a satisfied look when his hair finally does what he wants. It takes Karl a moment to respond as he finishes up brushing his teeth.

“I can pick you up on my way, it seems stupid to take two cars and for you to circle back around to get me. I can run you to work too, being since I’m up anyways…Maybe I’ll hang out at the station till I need to head to work.” Karl says, earning a shrug from Nick as he walks out of the bedroom. Karl has no shame as he watches Nick walk away, smiling a little to himself.

”Sure, if that’s what you want to do. You might get bored though, it’ll just be us in there until George shows up at ten.” Nick says a little louder as he’s in the next room.

“Well I’ll have to leave at seven, unless I get a sub…” Karl trails off, actually liking the idea of taking the day off and just being with his husband. It felt like it had been ages since they’d done that even though Karl knew for a fact that wasn’t true.

”You do whatever you want to, but if you’re taking me to work we gotta leave in the next ten minutes or I’ll be late.” Nick says, startling Karl a little when he walks back into the bathroom and kisses his cheek.

“Maybe I’ll crash your show then, but only if you provide breakfast.” Karl says after his heart stops racing, smiling when Nick does because Karl always loved Nick’s smile. He hoped their baby would have that smile, hell he hoped their baby looked exactly like Nick. He could picture a little girl with Nick’s beautiful brown eyes and a laugh that echoed through the halls just like Nick’s did.

”Whatever your heart desires, my love…but for real we need to get ready or we’re going to be late.”

Chapter Text

EIGHTEEN: A house filled with love

”Your mom does realize we’re coming right?” Nick asks, looking over at his husband with a curious expression as Karl rings the doorbell for the second time. They stand awkwardly on Adeline’s front doorstep, waiting for Karl’s mother to answer her front door.

“I texted her this morning but she didn’t respond…Maybe she’s just running late?” Karl offers up, getting ready to ring the doorbell for the third time only to jump when his mother throws open the door. She looks a little flustered but that expression fades when she sees her son standing in front of her. She’s quick to throw her arms around him in a tight hug as she felt like it had been weeks since she’d last seen him.

“Hello to you too, mom.” Karl says softly, laughing a little when she pulls away only to pull Nick into a hug. Nick lets out a squeak of surprise, not having grown accustomed to Adeline’s tight hugs even though he’d been with Karl for over five years. Nick didn’t grow up in a home where physical affection was a thing, the most Nick had ever received was his father patting him on the shoulder until Nick started to date Karl. It had been a complete culture shock for him when he first met Karl’s family, in more ways than one.

“Come on in you two. I was just finishing up dinner.” Adeline says after letting go of Nick. Nick clears his throat as they walk in, scratching the back of his head as he felt a little awkward. Nick was still growing used to the Jacob family, feeling out of place despite how much Adeline said she adored him.

“I hope you boys are good with lasagna.” Adeline says as they walk further into the house, Karl walking beside his mother into the kitchen while Nick hangs back in the living room. He can hear the two of them talking away in the kitchen, but Nick doesn’t want to be apart of the conversation.

He’s more interested in the photos adorning Adeline’s living room. There was no doubt in Nick’s mind that Karl grew up in a home filled with love, the pictures alone enough to prove that fact to Nick. Nick’s mom only had three pictures of Nick and he wouldn’t even get started on his father. He was almost certain his father didn’t have a single photo of Nick, that would require them being on speaking terms.

“Babe? You okay?” Karl calls out, causing his husband to jump a little at the sound as he hadn’t realized he’d spaced out. Nick clears his throat again before he finally walks into the kitchen, plastering on a smile. He was still feeling nervous, unsure of how Adeline was going to react to the news of a baby on the way…They’d been married for three years and Adeline loved kids just as much as Karl did…She had to be happy, right?

“Yeah, sorry…I had to look at your graduation picture again. I still can’t believe your hair was that curly.” Nick says, earning a soft laugh from Karl.

“Babe, you met me when my hair was that curly. You should’ve seen it when I was sixteen.” Karl says, pretending to shiver as if the memory alone haunted him.

“Yeah, but you started growing it out right after we met. I only saw the curls for a few weeks.” Nick points out, sitting down next to Karl and throwing an arm around his shoulder. Karl rests his head against Nick for a second, letting out a content sigh as Nick runs his fingers through his hair.

”I can’t say I really miss the curls…They were a nightmare to manage.” Karl says softly, Nick letting out a laugh before nodding in agreement.

“Hopefully our kid doesn’t get blessed with those curls.” Nick says, not even thinking about it until there’s a loud gasp followed by the clattering of pans. Both Karl and Nick look up to meet Adeline’s gaze, smiling sheepishly.

“There’s gonna be a baby?” She asks, her voice shaking a little which Nick took as a bad sign. He’d grown up in a home where shaky voices meant yelling was just about to start. Nick’s flinching into Karl’s side, trying his best to keep calm.

“Surprise, you’re gonna be a grandma.” Karl says, smiling brightly as his mother lets out a very loud squeal. Karl knew that his mother would be excited, she had been wanting grandchildren since Scarlett graduated from University three years ago and Karl got engaged.

“Congratulations, to both of you! A baby is such an exciting thing, when are you due?” Adeline asks, leaning across the kitchen counter with a bright grin on her face. Karl could see the excitement in his mother’s eyes.

“Sometime in May.” Karl says, smiling just as bright and Nick seems to relax a little. He moves away from his husband’s side, sitting up straight in his chair and trying to be more invested in the conversation. He wanted to match the excitement in the room, he wanted to be smiling just as brightly…but despite being on board with the whole baby thing…Nick was still terrified.

He knew that Karl would give their baby all the love in the world, but Nick wasn’t sure if he was capable of such a thing. The Jacob family was one filled with love, the Armstrong family on the other hand was filled with nothing more than hate.

Chapter Text

NINETEEN: Holding on

”Alright, who’s next?” Nick asks as soon as they leave Adeline’s house hand in hand, Karl still grinning like a fool as he always did when he left his mother’s house. Karl didn’t go home as often as he would’ve liked, so he cherished the time he got to spend with her when he did.

”Well…it depends on if you want to keep it just between family or not.” Karl says, thanking Nick as he opens the door for his husband. Karl sits quietly as he waits for Nick to climb in, tapping his fingers against his leg.

“It’s up to you, babe. I’m fine telling Orion, Alex and George if you are.” Nick says once he’s in the car, earning a nod from Karl.

”Okay…I still think we should tell your parents before them.” Karl says quietly, looking down at his hands before he bites down on his lip. Nick’s family had always been a touchy subject, in their five years together Karl had only met Nick’s parents once and that had been at their wedding. It hadn’t ended well and Nick hadn’t spoken to them since.

“Yeah, that’s happening.” Nick says, starting the car and pulling out of Adeline’s driveway. Karl starts to play with his hands, something he always did when he was nervous. He understood why Nick and his parents had a difficult relationship, but Karl felt like Nick kept holding onto the pain they’d caused him instead of letting it go like he really should. Karl wanted their family to be happy and he knew Nick did too…but what if Nick couldn’t move on, what were the chances of that happening? As it was, they were struggling. Sure, the last two days have been amazing…but Karl knew that it was only a matter of time until Nick does something to screw it up, or Karl says something he shouldn’t have.

It was like walking on thin ice and that was something Karl always hated doing.

”It’s their grandchild, Nick…” Karl says after a few minutes, his voice piercing the silence and Nick’s grip on the steering wheel tightens. Nick didn’t want this to turn into a fight, but Karl was never one to let things go so easily.

”So? They won’t care, Karl.” Nick says, keeping his voice steady but he could feel himself shaking. Karl lets out a sigh before turning to look at his husband. Nick’s eyes were darker than usual, a tell tale sign that he was upset…and Karl wished more than anything that wasn’t the case. Karl hated the fact that just the mere mention of his parents set Nick off and he avoided the subject due to that…but sometimes, Karl had to say what was on his mind.

And Karl wanted Nick to be happy.

”I know…I know you have a rough relationship with your parents, Nick…but don’t you think it’s about time you move on?” Karl offers up, choosing his words carefully as he had no intentions of setting Nick off in any way.

”Move on? Karl, were you there at our wedding? Or was that just me? Because if I remember correctly, my own father stood up when the priest said ‘if there are any objections to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace’ and launched into a thirty minute speech about how much of a disappointment he found me. And let’s not forget about the screaming match he got into with my mother about how she didn’t raise me right, yet he was the one who walked out on us when I was only six. So excuse me for not wanting to fix things with him.” Nick says, his voice shaking now and Karl’s regretting bringing it up…but Nick needed to get it out.

”What about your mother, Nick?” Karl asks, closing his eyes as Nick takes in a sharp breath.

“What about her? She’s just as bad as he is. I’m not telling them, Karl. That’s final.” Nick says, pulling into the parking lot for their apartment. It’s quiet again as Nick parks the car, Karl’s not sure what exactly he was going to say next.

”You’re not going to at least try-“ Karl starts and that seems to be the final straw for Nick.

”Fucking hell, Karl. No, I’m not going to try. I don’t want to try, I don’t need another reason for them to judge me about something that isn’t even worth judgment. I don’t need them to remind me how much of a fuck up I am, I don’t fucking need them and you need to fucking get over it. As far as my family is concerned, they’re all dead to me and I’m sure that it’s the same case for me. So just…stop trying to force the whole happy family thing on me, that’s not the Armstrong’s. We don’t work like you do.” Nick says, climbing out of the car before Karl gets the chance to say anything else. Karl stays in the car for a moment, folding his arms across his chest as he watches his husband walk towards the stairway. Karl understood where Nick was coming from, he really did…

He just wished that Nick wasn’t so close minded about it all…but that was yet another trait about Nick that Karl disliked.

He was goddamn stubborn.

Chapter Text

TWENTY: A shoulder to cry on

Karl takes his time heading into their apartment, spending the few minutes it takes him thinking of ways to get Nick to forgive him. Karl knew he’d been out of line, he really should’ve just let it go when Nick asked him to…but Karl just wanted Nick to be happy, and he had thought getting Nick to let go of the hatred towards his family would’ve just done that…clearly that wasn’t the case and Karl knew that…but he felt like he had to at least try.

Karl takes in a deep breath as he walks into the apartment, looking around cautiously as he wasn’t quite what frame of mind Nick was currently in. Nick could get pretty violent if he was upset, never towards Karl of course but that didn’t mean Karl wasn’t cautious. The apartment is practically silent though and Karl lets out a long sigh of relief, standing up a little straighter as he walks towards the bedroom. Nick has locked himself inside their bathroom, the sound of the shower running echoing through the room. Karl knows better than to intrude, Nick needing to be alone for a little while and Karl still needed to figure out what to say. He didn’t want Nick to be angry with him as Karl didn’t mean to upset him in the first place.

So Karl waits and eventually Nick walks out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. Neither of them say anything as Nick pulls on a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, the silence nearly driving Karl insane. Karl bites his lip, still trying to figure out the right thing to say in that moment because it was more than clear Nick wasn’t going to be the one to speak first.

“I’m sorry.” Karl finally manages to get out, looking down at his hands as Nick lets out a sigh. Nick finally joins Karl on the bed, sitting down next to his husband and taking one of his hands into his.

“I’m not…I’m not upset with you, Karl. I’m mostly upset with myself because you’re right…you made some points about how I keep…how I keep holding onto what happened to me in my past and how I really should just let them go…but it’s not so simple, you know? If I let it all go, I’ll forget…and if I forget, what’s stopping me from being like them? I’m already like my father, I’m angry all the time, I drink to forget and I…I keep trying to find reasons why I can’t be happy. I’m blaming him and if I stop blaming him…I’ll be him.” Nick whispers, burying his face into Karl’s shoulder and Karl feels his shirt start to dampen. Nick didn’t like letting people see him cry, let alone Karl…in their five years, Karl had only seen Nick cry twice.

“Nick…you aren’t him. You’re better than he is and I’m sorry that I brought him up. I shouldn’t have…and I don’t…I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you into doing something you don’t want to…and if you don’t want to speak to your father or your mother, I understand that and I support your decision completely. It was wrong for me to do that.” Karl whispers back, resting his head on top of Nick’s. They fall into another silence, Nick’s shoulders shaking for a little while and Karl wishes he could make it better. Eventually Nick calms down, removing his head from Karl’s shoulder and placing a soft kiss to his husband’s cheek.

“How did I get so lucky to find a man like you?” Nick whispers, looking at Karl with a soft expression that reminded Karl of when they first got together. It was one of the things that Karl loved about Nick, how despite all the turmoil going on inside of him, he still looked at Karl like he was his world.

”I’m the lucky one, Nick.” Karl says, smiling ever so slightly as he runs his fingers through Nick’s still damp hair.

“We could argue about this all day…but I’m really the lucky one, babe. You’ve chosen to be with me despite all of this, you’re having my baby.” Nick says, ducking his head down to kiss Karl’s stomach which earns a snort from Karl.

”What?” Nick asks after he pulls away, looking up at his husband with a curious expression.

”You’re a fucking weirdo, there isn’t even a bump there to kiss.” Karl says, earning a laugh from Nick who wraps both his arms around Karl.

”Doesn’t matter, that’s where our baby is and I’ll kiss it if I want to. It’s all I get to do till she’s here.” Nick says and Karl quirks one of his eyebrows at that.

”She? We don’t even know if it’s a she.” Karl points out, earning a nod from Nick before he shrugs.

“Yeah…I know, but I just…I have this feeling. She’ll have your eyes, your smile, but she’ll have my love for music and my charisma. She’ll be best friends with Araceli of course, they’ll be inseparable…are you crying, Karl?” Nick asks, surprise in his voice as Karl sniffles a little.

”No, fuck off.” Karl grumbles out, rubbing away his tears because he didn’t think they’d ever reach this point…where Nick was actually excited about their baby and thinking about how their lives would be with her. Karl wanted that little girl too, with his eyes and smile and of course Nick’s love for music. Karl was ready for their future and it felt like Nick was finally there too.

”You totally are!” Nick teases, earning a glare from Karl.

“I fucking hate you, Nick.”

”I love you too, Karl.”

Chapter Text

TWENTY-ONE: A beating heart

”Nick…babe…if you don’t get up, we’re gonna be late.” Karl whispers into his husband’s ear a few days later, kissing his husband’s cheek as he rolls completely out of the bed. Nick lets out a sigh, clenching his eyes shut before he finally opens them. It was Saturday and Nick just wanted to sleep in, but Karl had gotten a rather early morning appointment with the doctor to get a check up on their baby. Nick was excited of course, this was the first time he’d get to hear the heartbeat.

“Why’d you book such an early appointment?” Nick grumbled, rolling onto his back so he has a perfect view of his husband’s half naked body. Karl didn’t like sleeping fully nude, but he never really settled on what section he preferred to be uncovered. Lately Karl only went to bed wearing over sized t-shirts or sweaters, more likely wanting to keep his baby bump covered as it still made him weird when Nick acknowledged it.

Nick found it cute though.

“Because it was the only appointment they had available unless we wanted to wait two more weeks. Now come on, the sooner we get there, the better.” Karl says, reaching into the dresser for a pair of pants. Nick watches him for a moment before letting out a dramatic sigh as he finally gets out of the bed, walking over to his own dresser.

”Okay…but as soon as we get back home, I’m taking a nap.” Nick says.

“Actually…we’re supposed to go over to Alex’s after…” Karl says, laughing a little when Nick swears. They start getting ready after that, Karl letting out a huff as he struggles with the button. Nick sees his husband struggling, walking over there to help him only to have Karl swat his hands away.

”I got it.” Karl says and Nick throws up his hands in defense as he leaves Karl alone. Once they’re both ready, Nick is the one who drives to the hospital. Karl is playing with his hands nervously, biting on his lip and Nick catches onto it. He holds out his hand, smiling softly when Karl slips one of his into it.

”You okay?” Nick asks, giving the hand a soft squeeze.

”Just nervous…” Karl admits, smiling softly at Nick as he pulls into the parking lot.

“Everything will be fine, Karl. Now come on, we’re gonna be late.” Nick says, winking before he climbs out of the car. Karl lets out a shaky sigh before he follows, grabbing Nick’s hand as they walk into the hospital. They don’t stay in the waiting room for long once they reach it, a nurse calling Karl’s name pretty much the moment they sat down. Karl holds Nick’s hand the entire time, his grip getting tighter when the doctor comes in.

”Welcome back, Mr. Armstrong. I trust you’re feeling well?” She asks, looking up from her clipboard as she sits down on her little chair. Karl gives her a tight smile before nodding, Nick giving Karl’s hand another squeeze despite how hard Karl was already holding it.

”Yeah…feel great.” Karl says, nodding before biting on his lip.

“How’s the nausea?” She asks, rolling up so she’s sitting directly between Karl and an ultrasound machine. She indicates for Karl to lay on his back which he does of course, feeling even more nervous if that was possible.

”It’s better…I don’t get it every day, but it hasn’t exactly gone away.” Karl says, earning a nod from his doctor.

”He’s mostly getting it after breakfast, especially if it’s anything more than just toast. He’s not doing too well with eggs.” Nick says, Karl’s nose scrunching up at the mention of the food.

”I don’t believe we’ve met yet, I’m Doctor Sinclair.” She says, holding out her hand for Nick to shake, which he does.

“Nick Armstrong, I’m the baby daddy.” Nick says, winking at Karl who lets out a snort as he smacks Nick’s chest with his free hand. Doctor Sinclair lets out a laugh though, shaking her head as she squeezes some gel onto Karl’s stomach.

”So with your last appointment, I figured you were about twelve weeks along due to the information we gathered…” She says, a little distracted as she runs a small wand against Karl’s skin. Karl and Nick both have their eyes glued to the screen, Karl’s grip on Nick’s hand still tight enough that Nick was certain he was losing blood flow. It’s a little too quiet in the room, Karl’s heart picking up pace as there was no sound of the baby’s heartbeat. Before he gets the chance to freak out though, the familiar rapid thump filled the room and Karl’s shoulders sag in relief.

“And being since that was two weeks ago, we were spot on. Fourteen weeks and everything looks absolutely great. Growth is on the right path and that heartbeat sounds perfect.” Sinclair says, turning to look at Karl and Nick with a smile.

“Boy or girl?” Nick asks, his voice coming out awestruck because that was his baby. He still couldn’t believe that was his baby…their baby.

”It’s a bit soon to tell, but by the next appointment I’ll be able to tell you guys if you’d like to know.” Sinclair says, but neither of the boys were really paying attention at that point. They were in a trance, listening to the wonderful sound of their baby’s heartbeat.

It was a sound Nick would never forget and a sound that Karl could listen to forever.

Chapter Text

TWENTY-TWO: A Christmas party

”Nick, will you get the door? I think that’s Alex and Oliver.” Karl shouts from the kitchen, pulling out the rolls he’d made for dinner. It was their annual Christmas party, not that Karl really called it a party. It was just Alex, Oliver and George, sometimes Karl’s mum would come over along with his sister, but usually it was just the five of them. Not that Karl minded, he enjoyed the small get together with all their friends, especially this year. It was their last Christmas with just the two of them and Karl had the best gift for Nick.

While Nick had been at work yesterday, Karl had gone to his doctor to find out the gender of their baby. He had her write it down for him so it was a surprise for both of them and he was having Orion bring the present over tonight with him. Karl was already giddy beyond belief, he could hardly contain himself. Karl was going to have Nick open it as soon as dinner was over.

Karl places the rolls down on the counter, wincing when he feels a small pain shoot across his stomach but he just writes it off as a cramp. They’d been going on all through out the day and Karl felt like he’d been doing a swell job of keeping it hidden. Nick was in his fretting phase, a phase that Karl didn’t think would ever happen…but it was a bit much for Karl at the moment. He didn’t want Nick to cancel the party just because of a few stomach cramps.

Karl perks up when he hears what he believes to be Araceli, a bright smile on his face as he heads into the living room for just a moment. He didn’t get to see the little baby as often as he liked, so he always treasured it. He tries not to laugh when he hears Orion and Alex arguing about the fact Orion didn’t know how to take the baby out of the car seat.

”Orion! Her arm is caught!” Alex whines, trying to take over for Orion but Orion swats his hand away.

”No it isn’t, Alex. She’s just fi-“ Orion says, only to be cut off by a loud shriek from the baby as he pulls her out of the carrier.

”See. I told you she didn’t like it.” Alex says, earning a glare from Orion before he catches sight of Karl.

“Merry Christmas, Karl.” Orion says, walking over and giving his friend a half hug as he holds Araceli in one arm. Alex lets out a huff, crossing his arms over his chest as he quirks an eyebrow.

”What?” Orion demands, looking at his husband with a mirrored look.

“You’re holding her wrong.” Alex says and Orion rolls his eyes.

”I am holding her just fine, see? She likes it.” Orion says, looking down at the nearly two month old baby who seemed rather content now. Orion finally just gives in and hands the baby over to his husband, shaking his head before he looks back at Karl.

”Did you get it?” Karl asks, earning a nod from Orion as he points over to the box next to Araceli‘s car seat.

”Thank you so much, Orion.” Karl says, jumping when Nick wraps an arm around his waist as he hadn’t seen him in the room until then. Karl had been focused on that box. He couldn’t wait to open up that box.

“Dinner almost ready then?” Nick asks and Karl nods.

“Yep. We’re just waiting for George to show up and then we can eat.” Karl says and as if on queue, George walked in through the front door.

————————-

Dinner was over rather quickly, Karl wanting to get it done so that Nick could open his present. The small group had gathered in the living room now, Orion and Alex taking the sofa with Araceli on Orion’s lap, George took the floor, Karl and Nick sat on the love seat. Karl was practically bouncing in his seat, Nick quirking an eyebrow at his husband’s behavior but he doesn’t say anything.

”Alright, who’s first?” Nick asks and George is quick to raise his hand.

“Me, since I’m the favorite.” George says, earning laughs from everyone in the room.

”You aren’t the favorite, Nick is. I think Nick should go first.” Karl says, already standing up and grabbing Nick’s present despite George’s protests. Karl hands it over to Nick who tears at the paper rather excitedly. Karl gets ready to sit down as Nick pulls the top off the box, only to let out a surprised gasp when he feels a wet feeling run down his legs. The entire room falls silent and then Karl lets out a loud shout as another sharp pain hits him and he nearly falls to his knees but Nick grabs him before he gets the chance to.

”Karl? What’s going on?” Nick asks frantically, looking at his husband who feels like he can’t breathe.

“Something…something’s wrong with the baby.” Karl manages to gasp out and that was enough for Nick to spring into action. He’s pulling Karl into his arms, helping him to the car and completely disregarding the turned over box with bright pink balloons floating out of it.

Chapter Text

TWENTY-THREE: Statues

”Karl…talk to me…” Nick whispers a few hours later, looking at his husband who sat in the hospital bed with an emotionless expression. Karl had been like that since they got the news, staring at the wall while Nick tried his hardest to get Karl to say something.

”Karl…please…” Nick tries again, his voice strained as he tries to keep calm for Karl’s sake but Nick was having a hard time keeping it together. He could still hear the doctor saying those three words that crushed him, the sentence repeating in his head like a mantra and he just wished it would stop.

There’s no heartbeat.

Those words were enough to floor Nick as it was, but Karl’s wail of despair was what really hit him. Karl hadn’t made a sound since though, crying silently as Nick tries to get any sort of response from him. Nick could hardly take it, the silence making it worse for him because he just knew how broken Karl was. This had been all Karl had wanted for a long time…and now it was gone, just like that.

Nick couldn’t breathe.

”Karl…” Nick tries again, this time fighting back a sob as he reaches out for his husband’s hand. He holds onto it tightly as his whole body shakes, Karl’s hand completely limp in his. Nick had wanted this too, maybe not at first, but he’d grown used to the idea…he’d been excited, happy…and now it was gone.

Their baby was gone.

There’s a knock on Karl’s door, causing Nick to tear his gaze away from Karl to look at who it was. Adeline stands in the doorway, tearstained cheeks and a sad smile on her face. She doesn’t say anything, just gestures for Nick to join her outside. Nick lets out a shaky breath before nodding, standing up from his spot next to Karl to place a gentle kiss to his husband’s forehead.

“I love you…I’ll be right back.” He whispers, brushing Karl’s hair aside. It still doesn’t gain any response and Nick feels his heart break a little more before he joins Adeline in the hallway. He lets out a surprise gasp when she pulls him into her arms, hugging him so tightly he was certain he couldn’t breathe.

“Thanks for coming.” He whispers once she pulls away, putting on a brave face despite the fact he was just a few seconds from a total breakdown. He kept telling himself he needed to be strong, he had to be strong for Karl…

”Of course…how…how is he?” Adeline asks, glancing at the door to Karl’s room for a second with a worried expression. She had never seen Karl like this, her son wasn’t one to shut down emotionally. He always wore his emotions, so seeing him like this absolutely terrified her.

“He’s…he’s not good. He hasn’t said a word since…since…” Nick can’t even finish the sentence, his breath catching as he’s fighting back sobs. He couldn’t wrap his head around it, he didn’t want to believe it. He kept thinking maybe this was just a really messed up dream, that he’d wake up any minute now and everything would be fine.

But he’d pinched himself enough in the past four hours to know better, the skin on his arm bruised. The thought alone has Nick in hysterics again, the young man placing his head in his hands as he cries. He was trying to be strong, he hated feeling weak…but he’d lost his baby, the baby he didn’t realize how badly he wanted until she was gone.

“Nick, I can’t even begin to imagine what you both are going through…” Adeline says quietly, reaching out a hand to rest it on Nick’s shoulder. Nick almost flinches from the contact, still not used to anyone touching him in a comforting manner. He looks at Adeline though, hoping she can at least tell that he’s thankful she’s here despite him not saying the words.

”I’ve…I’ve tried everything to get him to talk or at least look at me…maybe he’ll respond better to you.” Nick whispers, standing up a little straighter and clearing his throat as he glances into Karl’s room. Karl looked like a statue from there, completely unmoving and that made Nick worry even more. Nick was slowly starting to blame himself, he should’ve caught on that something was wrong…he should’ve known.

“He’s just in shock, Nick…it’s nothing you did.” Adeline says, seeming to catch Nick’s guilty expression.

”I don’t know how to help him…I feel useless…” Nick continues to whisper, afraid that if he raises his voice any higher that he’ll lose it completely. He felt helpless and lost…he was so used to Karl being the rock in their relationship and now it was Nick’s turn but he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to help Karl through this…

“Just be there for him, he’s going to need all of us…even if he refuses to believe it.” Adeline says and Nick wishes more than anything that he understood what she meant.

”I should go back in there…” Nick says after a moment, earning a nod from his mother in law.

”You’ll call me if either of you need anything?” She asks.

”Of course…but don’t you want to see him?” Nick asks, frowning when Adeline shakes her head.

”He doesn’t need me right now…he needs you.”

Chapter Text

TWENTY-FOUR: Pink balloons

Karl wasn’t much better the next day when the hospital releases him, Nick still unsure if they should be allowed to leave with Karl being in the state he was. Neither of them had gotten any sleep last night, Karl still staring at the wall and Nick still staring at Karl waiting for him to say anything or respond to something. Nick didn’t they should be leaving, Karl wasn’t okay, but then again neither was Nick…Nick had to be the strong one though because Karl needed him to be.

So Nick does his best to keep his head held high, helping Karl into their apartment but he feels his heart drop even more when he catches sight of the balloons. Karl takes in a sharp breath, stopping in his tracks when he too catches sight of it.

”I’ll…I’ll throw those away.” Nick whispers, placing his hand on Karl’s arm as he walks past him. Karl grabs his hand before he gets too far though, shaking his head as he bites on his lip. Nick tries not to look shocked as he felt.

“No…don’t…I…” Is all Karl says, his voice so quiet that Nick almost didn’t hear it. Karl’s staring at the balloons, tears falling down his cheeks but his grip on Nick’s hand was tight. It was the most Karl had done in over twenty-four hours.

”Karl…sweetheart…we can’t…we can’t just leave them there.” Nick whispers, moving so that he’s standing in front of Karl’s view of the box.

“I…I know…but…you can’t…I don’t…don’t throw them away, please?” Karl whispers, his voice desperate and cracking. Nick can see he’s really struggling to hold it together and he’s quick to wrap his arms around Karl.

”I won’t…” Nick whispers, holding onto Karl as tightly as he can as his husband falls apart in his arms. Nick would take it over Karl being a statue, but he hated seeing Karl like this. He wished more than anything that he could take his pain away, but Nick knew that was impossible.

They’d lost their baby, one couldn’t just pretend like it didn’t happen.

”Why don’t you go lay down and I’ll make you something to eat?” Nick asks after Karl seems to calm down, earning a shake of the head from his husband with his head still buried in Nick’s shoulder.

“I’m not hungry and I…I don’t want to be alone.”

”Okay.” Karl says, kissing the side of Karl’s head before they both walk towards their room. Karl climbs into the bed first, laying on his side and Nick joins him after a moment. Karl seems to fall asleep after a few minutes but Nick couldn’t bring himself to do so. He kept thinking about those pink balloons sitting so carelessly in the living room…along with the Christmas presents which he knew held things for the baby…things that would just make the pain worst.

So Nick climbs out of bed, placing a soft kiss to Karl’s temple before walking back down to the living room. He stands there for what felt like ages, unable to bring himself to move just yet. He kept staring at those balloons, picturing the moment that had been robbed from him…from both of them.

They should be celebrating, sitting on the couch drinking some form of hot drink as they watched some sappy ass Christmas movie like they always did…they should be thinking of names and what they were going to do with the nursery now that they knew it was a girl.

But they weren’t. Instead Karl was upstairs having cried himself to sleep and Nick was frozen because of a box filled with deflated pink balloons.

They weren’t going to decorate the nursery in shades of purple and pink anymore, her name written elegantly above her crib was simply just an idea…Nick would never get to hold her, Karl would never get to either. They’d never know if she had Nick’s eyes or Karl’s, if she’d grow up to have curls like Karl’s or if she’d inherit Nick’s love for football.

They had nothing but small black and white pictures of what could’ve been and a box filled with deflated pink balloons…

Nick wanted to throw them away, he wanted to throw it all away. He was angry, so angry that his hands were shaking and he wished he could just start screaming…it wasn’t fair, they didn’t deserve to feel like this. Maybe Nick did, but Karl…Karl didn’t and now it was up to Nick to fix it.

So he picks up the Christmas presents, the ones wrapped with Karl’s bright paper and sparkling bows and takes them into the spare bedroom next to the nursery. He throws them into the closet, along with that stupid box with the deflated pink balloons.

Nick wanted to erase it all, he wanted to forget. That was the only way he would make it through this, it was the only way he could be there for Karl.

Nick had to be the strong one for once, even if that meant pretending like he was okay, like he hadn’t just shoved all the memories into a closet…

But that was harder than he figured it would be because even with that door shut, all he could think about was that box.

The box filled with deflated balloons.

Chapter Text

TWENTY-FIVE: The new year kick off

They don’t celebrate Christmas, Karl refusing to leave their bedroom and Nick just not in the mood to celebrate. They hull themselves up, Nick keeping close to Karl when he’s awake but he couldn’t be with him when he slept. Nick grieved while Karl slept, the older of the two locking himself in the spare room and just staring at the box he would forever hate but could never throw away. Nick hadn’t slept for nearly three days now, every time he tried to he kept seeing the balloons…he kept seeing Karl fall and would hear those damn words over and over again.

There’s no heartbeat

Karl was slowly starting to get better after Christmas passes, the younger of the two finally getting out of their bed to shower and actually eat a full meal instead of just nibbling at the food Nick would bring him. Nick knew he wasn’t going to just bounce back to the old Karl though, but it was nice to see Karl moving.

Nick takes the next week off of work, not wanting Karl to be alone as he was off work due to the winter vacation. By the fourth day, Karl starts to feel a bit smothered. He knows that Nick is just worried about him and he appreciates his husband for being there for him, but it was strange for Karl. He wasn’t used to it, being independent and all.

But he knows this was Nick’s way of coping, so he doesn’t say anything. Instead he just accepts the help, thanking Nick even though they both knew it wasn’t necessary. They walk around each other carefully, neither one of them wanting to be the first to break the ice…to talk about it. Nick was terrified of Karl returning to his statue like state and Karl…he just didn’t know what to say.

By the time New Years rolled around, Karl seemed to be completely back to normal. He somehow convinces Nick to throw a party, inviting all their friends over yet again like nothing happened. Nick was happy to see Karl was smiling, laughing at George’s jokes or Oliver and Alex’s bickering over Araceli. Karl wouldn’t hold the baby though, he couldn’t bring himself to. Nick couldn’t even be in the same room as the baby, once again locking himself away in the spare room to torture himself over that box.

Karl seemed to have completely forgotten about it, or at least that’s what it felt like to Nick. He kept running through it, over and over again…what would they be doing now if they hadn’t lost her? Would they be asking Oliver and Alex for advice? Would George be bickering with Oliver about who would be the godfather? Would Karl and Alex have finally decided on a name?

That was the part that always seemed to hit Nick the hardest…they had never given her a name. Nick wanted to desperately, he wanted to have something to hold onto instead of those stupid balloons…but he didn’t dare bring it up with Karl in fear that would only upset him. He’d been doing so well these past few days…Nick didn’t want to ruin that. But Nick also didn’t get how Karl was able to move on so easily…he had been the one carrying the baby…he’d been the one who wanted a baby so badly and now it was like it didn’t even happen. It had been just over a week and Karl was fine, so why wasn’t Nick? It didn’t seem all that fair, but Nick was starting to realize that things were hardly fair anymore. Not for them anyways.

Nick eventually brings himself back out to their little makeshift party, plastering on a fake smile as he enters the room where everyone was at. Karl sees right through it, but he doesn’t say anything…he doesn’t want to talk about it, not tonight. Nick takes a seat next to Karl, half listening to George as he tells some far fetched story that was more than likely only half true. Nick is more focused on his husband, studying him…making sure that Karl wasn’t just pretending for his sake.

He only looks away when the doorbell rings, Karl jumping up to answer it while Nick looks around the room in confusion. All their friends were here and as far as he knew, they weren’t expecting anyway. Karl walks back into the living room with none other than Conrad, Nick going rigid as he wasn’t aware that they were even friends.

“Hey guys…sorry for crashing the party…plans fell through.” Conrad says, looking a little nervous as he joins the group. Nick tries not to glare at the newcomer as Karl takes a seat next to Conrad instead of him, his hands clenching a little as he tries to keep his cool. He still couldn’t figure out where he knew Conrad from but he did know that he didn’t like him. There was just something off about him….

”Anyone need a drink?” Nick asks, standing up to head to the kitchen. If he was going to put up with Conrad, Nick was going to need something a little stronger than sparkling cider. There’s a small chorus of agreements from everyone and George joins Nick in the kitchen to help him. Once they’re out of ear shot, George turns to look at his friend with a bewildered expression.

”Nick, why the hell is Karl’s ex boyfriend in your house?”

Chapter Text

TWENTY-SIX: Bottled up

At first Nick stares at George like he’s lost his mind because there was no way Nick would’ve forgotten one of Karl’s exes…there were only two of them, one that Karl had dated through out all of his high school years and the other had only been for a few weeks in college before he met Nick. Nick knew their names and neither one of them were Conrad.

“George, Conrad isn’t one of Karl’s exes. You of all people would know that, considering you’ve known him longer than I have.” Nick says, shaking his head and George lets out a scoff as Nick opens their liquor cabinet.

“Exactly, I of all people would know one of Karl’s exes and that’s fucking Spencer in your living room. He must be going by his first name again.” George says, glaring into the living room and Nick stop pouring his drink. Spencer was a name he knew all too well, Karl’s high school sweetheart. Nick had only met the man once and even then it had only been for a few seconds, Karl having dragged Nick to one of the small town cafes one day after they’d announced their engagement to Karl’s mother…Spencer had just so happened to be walking out when they went in, but Karl didn’t want to talk.

That had been almost four years ago.

“Fuck…” Nick breathes out, glancing towards the living room but there wasn’t much to see. From what little Karl had told Nick about Spencer, things hadn’t ended well and Karl had pretty much never gotten over him. Nick didn’t see him as a threat back then because he was three hours away, but right now he’s in his living room…talking with his husband…probably trying to get on his good side and Karl probably didn’t even realize it.

“Karl didn’t say anything?” George asks, looking a tad surprised as Nick shakes his head. Karl hadn’t said a word about it even though he had every opportunity. Spencer or Conrad, whatever fucking name he goes by, had been in Karl’s life again for well over two months…and Karl just fails to mention something so goddamn important…Nick didn’t like it.

“No, he fucking didn’t…” Nick whispers, trying to keep his anger under control. He wasn’t about to blow up in the middle of their party, that would only make things worse…and Nick really didn’t want to make things worse right now. So he finishes making drinks, he goes into their living room and he fucking tries to be happy about the party. He smiles, he acts like it doesn’t bother him how Karl is sitting so close to Conrad, laughing at his jokes like they’re the funniest thing he’s heard in years.

Karl joins Nick’s side for the first time since Conrad arrived when the ball gets ready to drop, counting down to midnight and kissing his husband for the first time since they’d gotten home. Nick might’ve enjoyed it more if he hadn’t been so angry…

Everyone seems to leave after that and Nick finally can’t keep it in any longer. They’re standing in the kitchen, Karl putting the last of their glasses into the dishwasher while Nick stands just a few feet away.

”So, when were you going to alert me of the fact that you’re hanging around your ex again?” Nick asks, surprised at how steady his voice was despite the fact he felt like screaming. It was about more than just this, Nick was angry about more than just this.

”He’s my friend, Nick.” Karl says quietly, not even looking at his husband as he answers.

“So? He’s your ex, Karl. You don’t just start hanging out with your ex boyfriend and not tell your fucking husband about it.” Nick says, still keeping his voice steady but he could feel himself starting to break. His hands were shaking with the effort it was taking not to scream at Karl…if he screamed at Karl, they wouldn’t be much better than his own parents.

He wouldn’t.

”I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, Nick. Last I checked you and I are the ones married, not Conrad and I.” Karl says after he lets out a very long and dramatic sigh, finally looking up at Nick.

”Exactly, which is why you should’ve said something. Just like you should’ve said something when you weren’t feeling good.” Nick says, wincing as he realizes he can’t take it back. Karl’s face is completely emotionless and Nick feels his breath catch in his throat.

“Are…are you blaming me for what happened? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

”No, of course I don’t blame you.”

”It sure sounds like you’re blaming me.”

”Fucking stop it, Karl. I can’t do this with you right now, I can’t launch into this argument where we yell at each other over who cared more or who cared less. That isn’t the issue right now, the issue is Conrad being in our lives.” Nick says, trying to keep the conversation from going in a direction that he knew wouldn’t end well. This wasn’t how he wanted to do this, this wasn’t how their year was supposed to start off…

”No, the issue is that you blame me for losing the baby. I know you do.”

“Fine, you want the truth? I blame you. I blame you for the fact that she’s gone, that we won’t have that future you talked so highly of. I blame you for making me want that future and I fucking blame you for the fact that you just don’t seem to care that’s she’s gone. Is that what you fucking wanted to hear, Karl? Are you fucking happy now?” Nick finally just yells, done keeping it in and he just doesn’t care anymore. Everything was hitting him like a bus and he couldn’t keep it bottled inside any longer.

“What do you want me to do, Nick? Do you want me to sit in a room alone and cry over a box of deflated balloons like you do?” Karl shoots right back and Nick feels his heart break because Karl knew…Karl knew and he hadn’t once tried to help Nick through this.

“I’m not like you, Nick. I don’t sit there and hold onto things that are gone, I can’t live my life that way. I have to let things go, I had to let her go and I’m sorry if that makes you think I don’t care.”

“Yet you held onto Conrad.” Nick says, not even missing a beat. He doesn’t regret it, even when Karl inhales sharply and looks at Nick like he’s about to hit him. He doesn’t though, nor does he say anything else in his defense. Instead he just walks out of the kitchen, Nick staying put even when he hears their front door slam shut.

Chapter Text

TWENTY-SEVEN: Together

Nick waits for Karl to come back, sitting on the couch with his head in his hands for what felt like hours. Nick didn’t regret what he said, he felt like he needed to say it…but he does regret letting Karl walk away. Nick didn’t know where his husband was, what he was doing…for all he knew Karl had gone to seek comfort with the reason they even had this stupid fight…Nick trusted Karl of course, but the later it got…the worse the feeling in his gut seemed to be.

Eventually Nick can’t sit around anymore, finally standing up from the couch because he just couldn’t take it. He had to do something to take his mind off it, to take his mind off everything. He thinks maybe a shower will do it, but he walks past the spare bedroom to get there he stops. The door was still slightly open from the last time he’d gone in there…he could see the closet…he knew what was behind that door.

He couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t keep those things inside his home any longer. He didn’t care if Karl wanted them, just like Karl didn’t seem to care about him anymore. So Nick goes into the room, he opens the closet and he starts throwing things out of it. Presents hit the wall, tears are falling down Nick’s face and all he could think about was how robbed he felt.

Nick had been broken before, he knew that eventually the pain goes away…but in that moment he didn’t think it ever would. They’d never see her face, they’d never hear her voice, they never even gave her a name and now they’re falling apart. Karl wasn’t there for Nick, instead he was out probably fucking his ex boyfriend because Nick pushed him to it.

But Karl wasn’t doing that, in fact he was still at their building. He had thought about taking a drive, going somewhere to get away but the second he climbed into the car he couldn’t stop crying. He wasn’t fine as he pretended to be, he thought if maybe he started acting like he was okay…Nick would finally start talking about it. Karl regretted bringing Conrad into their home, he regretted the things he said…but he couldn’t just walk back in there and take it all back.

He couldn’t tell Nick the truth, the truth that every time he looked at him…all Karl saw was their baby. Nick was always going to be a constant reminder that it was Karl’s fault. He should’ve said something, if he had…things would’ve been different. They wouldn’t be holding on by a thread, they wouldn’t be screaming at each other. Karl would be inside right now, talking quietly to Nick about the fact he wanted to name her something unique.

Something different.

But that wasn’t what happened, Karl had lost their baby…and he hated himself for it. He wasn’t surprised that Nick hated him too, that Nick blamed him. It was his fault, so Nick had every right to think that way. Nick had every right to hate him and Karl was terrified that when he walked back into their home…Nick would tell him he couldn’t do it anymore. That this would be what broke apart everything…Karl couldn’t lose Nick too. 

Nick is sitting in the middle of the trashed room, his head in his hands as he sobs quietly to himself. He thought it would make him feel better to have it all out in the open, but if anything he just felt worse. He would never be able to forget what happened, he would never be able to forgive himself. Maybe if he wasn’t so fucked up, things would be different. Maybe they would’ve been okay, they wouldn’t be holding on to the edge by just one hand that was already slipping.

Eventually Nick stops crying, pulling himself to his feet and starting to clean up his mess. He grabs trash bags, filling two of them with everything in that room. He doesn’t keep a single thing, walking out to the dumpster in his bare feet despite the January air. It was snowing when he goes outside, but he doesn’t care. He has to walk past Karl’s car as he heads to the dumpster, the sight surprising but it doesn’t make him stop. He throws everything away, turning around and catching Karl’s eyes.

He doesn’t get in the car with his husband though, walking past him again because Nick honestly couldn’t deal with it right now. So he goes back inside their flat, sitting back down on the couch where he waits until Karl finally gets enough nerve to get out of his car an hour later. Nick doesn’t even look at him as he walks through the front door, not that Karl blames him…Nick probably though the same as Karl did, Karl being the constant reminder of what they lost for Nick just as Nick was to Karl.

Karl sits down next to Nick, but he doesn’t say anything. He can’t think of the right things to say because sorry just didn’t seem like the right thing to say. So instead he rests his head on Nick’s shoulder, crying quietly when Nick takes his hand in his and plays with the rings on his fingers. It was enough for now, tomorrow they’d talk more…but in that moment, they’d said all they could say.

Maybe they were broken, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t fix each other.