Archive of Our Own ^beta

Everyone had a name, one they were born with that wasn't their own. Most carried them on their wrist, some found them on other areas of their body. A rare few got full names, they were considered blessed. It was easier to find them that way, your soulmate. No one was ever born blank. Until Isik.

Isik was born healthy. Not a problem to be found. Except that she had no name. None but her own.

Distraught, her parents consulted every doctor they could. When she was old enough they started blood tests.

The doctor had explained, "Her soclyserine count is normal for her age. That is the compound most significantly influenced by the presence of a soul bond. By this account, she should have a name."

He did not explain why she didn't. And when she was old enough they tested her brain. The answer was the same, there was nothing wrong with her. Nothing they could find anyway. And the tests continued.

School was hard. Isik made the mistake of telling a friend about her condition. They had to move after that. Isik learned that it was better to keep some things to herself.

Still, rumors followed her even if their tune changed. She missed a lot of school for doctor visits. She had to get special permission, which meant the staff knew. They never said anything about it when she turned things in late. But the looks they gave made her work harder to get assignments done in advance.

She wasn't there when she was chosen as the student representative. She had a doctor's appointment. Isik had thought she grew out of crying, run out of tears, she was wrong.

Sinan was in trouble again. It broke her heart when he did nothing to defend himself, he never does and she tries not to be angry with him for it, but she doesn’t understand why someone just wouldn’t care. How he could just give up?

She hated that she couldn’t do anything to help, she didn’t get a vote, she hardly got a chance to talk and certainly not about disciplinary issues. The staff only wanted to know her ideas for ceremonies and lunch breaks. Even then, they would just nod and smile and then do something else entirely.

It had come so close too! She was sure if they were voting on each student individually it would have been different but Sinan was safe either way.

She was just about to leave when the door opened and the four stepped into the room. They wanted to know about the vote. One look at Sinan and she knew he wasn’t going to help her out of this. Eda and Kerem crowded her, “Ms. Distas! It was Ms. Distas.”

Sinan didn’t stop her after that.

By the time she made it home, she had to leave again. She had hoped to get some studying done beforehand but her parents were waiting at the door when she arrived. The trips had slowed down for a while, going from every other week to every other month. Then during what had become a routine blood test, the doctor came back with news.

“Isik’s soclyserine levels are high, this kind of increase only happens when someone has met their soulmate.”

The trips became a weekly thing after that, though her parents tried to get them after school rather than during. The doctors still hadn’t figured out why everything inside her body points to her having a soulmate when her skin seems adamant she doesn’t.

Sometimes, Isik would get blood taken, sometimes they would check her for a name, as though it would just appear one day, and sometimes they would check her brain. Most visits didn’t last long, almost all of them involved taking some of her DNA for further testing. Today’s visit was no different, she was back home in an hour just in time for dinner. Her parents didn’t ask about school.

The next day Sinan and his new group of friends cornered her in a classroom. It started with Eda climbing onto the desk and shutting her book, “We need to talk.”

“What about?” Isik asks, looking at Osman who comes to stand on her right. She looks to her left and, yep, Kerem is there too, “What are you guys doing?”

Isik should have expected resistance when she stood up, but she didn’t like feeling boxed in, with them looming over her like that. She knows what happens when people start crowding like that. Still, Kerem’s hands on her shoulders nearly make her flinch, “Sit down.”

He pushes her down and she uses it as an opportunity to get free of his hands. When the feeling of being trapped returns, Isik finds herself getting up again, though she knows it’s hopeless, “Don’t touch me! Oh my god, can you-”

Eda pushes her into Kerem, who returns her to the seat, they tell her to relax, like she has nothing to be afraid of. They’re wrong.

“Sinan, can you say something to them?” Isik asks, looking to her one true friend.

He meets her eyes but says, “Leave me out of it.”

He wouldn’t let her get hurt right? He’s her friend, even if he doesn’t talk to her much. He would just sit there and watch. Except Isik’s been wrong about friends before. She thought he was safe.

“What is wrong with you?” She tries, making it all the way out of the seat before Kerem grabs her again.

“Sit still for a second.”

“You’re scaring her,” Osman says. She liked Osman, she used to anyway. He’s never been violent.

Eda reassures, “It’s okay. We won’t hurt you.” Isik tries to trust it. To trust Sinan.

The other girl continued, “Listen honey, Ms. Distas is going away.”

Ms. Distas was always nice to her. She was the only one who ever asked how Isik was after she went to the doctor. She told her love was more than a name on a wrist. It was true in some ways. People fell in love all the time, they just never married someone who wasn’t their soulmate, they never stayed with anyone else. Ms. Distas always tried to make Isik feel better though, even when it was impossible.

Isik complained, “No she can’t leave. I love her so much.”

“Then you should help us. Romance is what you know best. We have to make her fall in love,” Osman explained. Isik resisted the urge to look at Sinan. He didn’t know. None of them did. This wasn’t a prank. They didn’t know. Right?

“Otherwise, she’ll leave. Ms. Distas is going away.” Isik didn’t like the way Eda was treating her like she was stupid. She hoped it was just what the other girl thought and not because of something Sinan said. She couldn’t imagine Sinan saying anything about her but he had to have said something, she never spoke to the others.

She missed the rest of what Eda said, focusing again when Osman spoke, “We’re talking about making something beautiful happen. This is good for all of us.” Isik watched as he put his hand on her shoulder.

Feet hitting the floor and Kerem reappearing to her left had Isik jumping in her seat. Her eyes landed on Sinan though, as he started to speak, “Don’t worry, they won’t bite. Though I’m not so sure about this one.”

What did that mean? Was Sinan trying to reassure her that he wasn’t going to let anything bad happen? But he wasn’t sure about Kerem? Would he help her if Kerem did something? Or was this warning all the help he would give?

“Hey, cool it,” Osman ordered before turning to Isik with a smile, “please.”

“Come on. Will you do it?” Eda asked, also smiling. Isik wondered how long it had been since they tried to get something by being nice.

Her eyes found Sinan again, his sleeves were rolled up but the bracelet he always wore was in clear view, “You don’t want my help, really.”

She knew Osman tracked her attention when he said, “Come to Sinan’s, hear us out.”

To Isik’s surprise, Sinan didn’t protest. And under the stares of the four Isik relented, “Fine.”

She regrets agreeing the second they’re out of the room, but she can’t bring herself to not show up. Not only would that be incredibly rude, but it’s Sinan’s house, where Sinan lives.

Isik only has to tell her parents it’s for a school project and then she’s free to go, for a while at least.

She isn’t disappointed, “Wow, Sinan, this place is incredible.”

“Oh my gosh, is this your grandpa?” She asks, moving to greet the older man. Sinan never talks much about his family or his life, so she’s excited.

Kerem scoffs, “Yeah, his dead grandpa.”

Isik follows the others into the next room silently.

“Okay, what’s your problem, you’re the love expert, shouldn’t you be jumping at the chance to get people together?” Kerem asks the second Isik sits down.

She looks around the room. She breathes in. Thinks of the kids she used to go to school with. Learning just how cruel kids could be. Just how broken she was.

She breathes out. She thinks of Sinan, who covers his wrist with a thick leather bracelet and long sleeves. Sinan who sits next to her in class and lets her talk until the bell rings. Sinan who has a soulmate.

“I don’t have a name.”

This will be enough. They won’t want her after this. No one does.

Kerem is the first to speak, his face contorting with confusion, “What are you talking about?”

It’s then that she realizes she really doesn’t want to move again. Isik takes another breath, “There’s no name on my body. I was born blank.”

“That’s impossible. It’s impossible right?” Eda asks, looking to the boys. Isik doesn’t dare look at Sinan, she stares at the wall, just above Osman’s head and tries to pretend she can’t hear her world crashing down around her.

Osman shrugs, “Never heard of it.”

“Well, it’s true. So I really can’t help you with this.” Isik heads for the door and no one tries to stop her. Tears blur her vision and by the time she’s on the street they’re falling with abandon.

It’s later, curled up in her bed, after refusing to tell her parents what happened, that she realizes why she doesn’t want to move again. She spends the next hour crying about it and then resolutely decides not to think about it anymore.

She thinks about it again. She isn’t sure she can stop.

The walk to class was quiet, no one said anything, not to her, but she felt like they were whispering, staring, like they knew.

She walked with her head up but she couldn’t keep her heart from falling.

Sinan was there when she arrived. All of them were. Isik kept her head up.

“Is that why you go to the doctor?” She was ready for a lot but not what Sinan asked. He noticed her doctor visits? Sure she was absent a lot for them and he sat next to her but he was gone a lot too.

At a loss, she answered honestly, “Yeah.”

“What do they think?” He asked, she couldn’t help but look at him, only to find him staring at her already. She looked away, nervous and having not learned anything about why he wanted to know these things.

Again, she answered honestly, “I, uh, have the right levels of everything but no name. Some of them think I have a soulmate and some think the way we identify soulmates is wrong, biologically.”

When he didn’t say anything else, she looked at him again. He was focused on his desk this time. Isik didn’t know what to say, what to do.

Thankfully, the teacher walked in, “Good morning class-”

Sinan pulled Isik to her feet, a hand holding her wrist, “What-”
He walked out of the room, right past the teacher, Isik helplessly following.

“Sinan!” She tried, “Sinan we have class!”

He continued undeterred, Isik sighed and pushed away the tiny thought that worried he was planning something nefarious. Sinan wouldn’t.

They came to a stop in a small alley between buildings. Still on school grounds, Isik looked around to make sure there weren't any adults.

“Sinan why did-” Her train of thought was abruptly derailed when Sinan began to take off his bracelet. She had never seen him without it because it said- it said her name.

She took his wrist in her hand, tracing over the letters with a finger. Sinan cleared his throat, “You didn’t say anything so I thought…”

Tears pricked her eyes, “Oh, Sinan.”

And when she looked at him, she knew she was his just as he was hers.

And when he kissed her, she was happy.