Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

''Been up all night
Staring at you
Wondering what’s on your mind
I’ve been this way
With so many before
But this feels like the first time
You want the sunrise
to go back to bed
I want to make you laugh
Mess up my bed with me
Kick of the covers
Im waiting.''

DearAdam.

If you are reading this, then you have woken up and on the road to recovery fully.
I don’t really know where to start to be honest.
For the past two months, I’ve sat and just watched you, hoping that things would turn out for the best that no other harm would come to you like it has, but im not here now for you when you woke up, im just hoping that you weren’t alone.
I know that even if you weren’t that you wouldn’t be afraid because of everything you have seen and done within the Army, but im worried that if you were that someone was there to hold your hand to make you feel safe, that someone could explain things to you if you didn’t understand.
I know that it’s been hard over the past four years, a lot has changed and most of that has been because of my choices in life, I regret that I done it when you were so far away, somewhere where I couldn’t explain myself for the reasons, but my life didn’t seem worth living when you weren’t in it. I admit that I made the mistake of letting you go.

But im just glad that you are back home again,

The day I got the phone call, the officer’s voice on the end asking if I was me, I felt like my world had ended again. I still remember that day so well, the phone call in the morning, I went around to Mia’s and just broke down, I was so scared that you wasn’t going to make it and I felt like it was all my fault that you extended.
But I didn’t think that you would still have my name and number down with your parents, I thought you hated me when the letters stop, I guess that I also stopped writing, this is the first time in years that I have actually writing a letter with a pen and piece of paper which I found here in the hospital.
The first time I walked in to your room, I just wanted to walk out again, seeing you lying there so still and pale, it wasn’t the Adam I remembered. I spent every day just praying that you would wake up, to squeeze my hand to let me know that you were okay and doing fine.

The past four weeks have been so much better for you, the doctors told me that your heart was fine and that you weren’t in danger any more and that we were just waiting for you to wake up on your own. But I think I stopped coming to visit because of that.
I was scared that you would wake up and see me there and demand that I leave you alone, I don’t think I could’ve faced you telling me to get out.
It’s taken me two weeks to write this, each day I’ve spent looking at the empty paper trying to find the words to write to you and each time nothing has come to me, but I write this to you now to tell you that I am sorry.

I still love you
I never stopped loving you Adam.

I know that things cant go back to how there were between us like they were during those first two weeks, the way you saved me from Luke, I can still remember the look on his face when he finally go the point. But I’ve grown up since then Adam, I made it through with the guitar and singing, I remembered when you told me that every one wants to escape sometimes and that’s what I done, I took my guitar and just escaped away for a few days and wrote before going back to the studio, they loved everything I had and I even have a slot in a friends show soon.
I miss you.

Just concentrate on getting better Adam... please.

Until then

Tommy

¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬¬

Four years earlier.

’’Come on Tommy, live a little’’ Mia cried out as she pulled herself up on to the railings of the pier, laughing loudly, I peered over before up at her with a grin.
‘’You’re going to kill yourself one day Mia, and I will meet you back on shore, there’s no way in hell im jumping’’ I told her.
‘’You are such a kill joy babe, but whatever see you back there’’ She laughed out before jumping in with a few of our other friends, shaking my head slightly I turned and started to walk back along the pier with Isaac.
‘’So how are you and that guy doing?’’ Isaac asked and I glanced over at him before shrugging and pushed my hands in to the pocket of my hoody as we walked,
‘’Alright I guess, I think he likes me more than a friend but I don’t want anything other than friendship, he just hasn’t got the point yet’’ I told him with a small sigh as we turned off the pier and headed back down on to the beach again.
‘’Im sure he will understand soon’’ Isaac grinned out before playfully shoving me across the sand. Laughing brightly as we reached the group, I moved and sat back down to Isaac’s girlfriend where I had been before we left.

‘’So you both didn’t jump’’ She asked and I laughed before shaking my head slightly,
‘’No, didn’t fancy killing myself’’ I told her as she shook her head and leaned in to her boyfriends side and I sighed to myself softly before I reached over and grabbed a soda from the cooler.
‘’Well that is good because I don’t want my baby to be without a godfather’’ Sophie spoke out and I choked on my drink slightly before turning to stare at her and Isaac who was grinning at each other and at me.
‘’You’re....’’ I started to say as she laughed and nodded, ‘’Oh my god’’ I laughed out before I leaned over and hugged her tightly. ‘’I can’t believe it...it’s like...whoa’’ I laughed out again.
‘’Told you he would be happy’’ Isaac spoke and I shook my head before I turned and looked towards the water before I noticed Mia being helped back by Dave and another guy, getting to my feet quickly I ran over.
‘’Don’t you even think about saying it Tommy’’ Mia spoke out to me before I could open my mouth and I grinned slightly.
‘’What I told you so?’’ I asked before she moved her arm away from the other guy and slapped her hand across my head, ‘’But really babe’’ I spoke out with a knowing look as she rolled her eyes slightly.
‘’Well, just be thankful that Dave had the guts to jump with me and this charming guy here happened to be walking past.’’ Mia spoke out as she nodded towards the guy and I smiled at him lightly, his eyes bright in the sunlight.
‘’Don’t worry about it like I said, are you guys going to be okay now?’’ He asked and Mia looked at me before shaking her head.
‘’No way, im not trusting him, he will probably drop me or something’’ She grinned out and I pouted slightly,
‘’you suck Mia’’ I muttered out as I turned and walked back towards the others as they followed.

‘’Mia, are you okay?’’ Sophie asked as she was helped to sit down and she smiled before nodding, a glare towards Isaac who was grinning too.
‘’Dude, I will hit you too if you say it’’ she told him before he looked over at me and I nodded a little as I picked my drink back up again as Dave moved to sit in between me and Sophie, ‘’Adam, why don’t you join us?’’ Mia asked and I glanced up at the other guy again as he looked up the beach before shrugging slightly.
‘’Sure why not’’ He smiled before moving to sit down beside her, moving my eyes away as I saw Mia look over at me with an raised eyebrow I took interest in my drink again before I pushed it down in to the sand.
‘’So what’s the ring about?’’ Dave asked and I looked up at him before over at Adam who he was staring at.
‘’The Army’’ He replied and I moved my eyes down to the ring on his left hand,
‘’so your dads or granddads and what in the army?’’ Dave asked again and I looked over at him, trying to work out why he was questioning Adam all of a sudden.
‘’Actually, it’s mine and Special Forces’’ Hearing his answer I turned back and looked at him again before I picked my drink up.
‘’Oh wow, that’s cool, so are you based here somewhere then?’’ Mia asked and he shook his head.
‘’No, Im based over in Germany, on leave at the moment for two weeks’’ He told her with a small smile as she nodded and handed him a drink.

‘’Tommy’’ Someone called out and I turned to look up the beach before I groaned slightly,
‘’Just great’’ I muttered out as I pushed my can back in to the sand again, ‘’we got anything stronger to drink?’’ I asked as the others laughed slightly.
‘’Go get him Tommy’’ Isaac winked out and I flipped him off before I slowly stood up and started to walk towards Luke, pulling my sleeves over my hands slightly, I crossed them over my chest before I reached him and he smiled and stepped closer as I stepped back.
‘’Don’t I even get a hug now?’’He asked and I shook my head slightly.
‘’What do you want Luke? And how the hell did you know where I was?’’ I asked him and he grinned slightly before shrugging.
‘’Just wanted to come hang out with you guys, its been ages and your mom told me that you would be here’’ He spoke and I sighed a little before I turned and started to walk back again, knowing that it would be no use in trying to get rid of him.
‘’Seriously, do we have anything with booze in?’’ I begged as I sat down and Mia laughed slightly before reaching over and pulled out a small bottle,
‘’Whiskey is all we got at the moment until we go back to mine’’ She spoke out and I reached over and took it from her as Luke sat down beside me and I moved up a little as I undone the lid and took a few mouthfuls.
‘’So you haven’t answered any of my calls’’ I heard Luke say to me and I shrugged a little,
‘’Lost my phone’’ I muttered out as I lent forward and rested against my knees, his arm moving around me and I closed my eyes slightly before breathing out.
‘’You left it at mine’’ Mia spoke out and I turned and looked up at her quickly, pleading her to shut up as she smiled sweetly and innocently over at me.
‘’Thanks a lot Mia’’ I gritted out before I glanced over towards Sophie and Isaac for help before they shrugged their shoulders.
‘’Oh, its okay, I wasn’t ringing for anything important, just wanted to see if you wanted to go out sometime.’’ Luke spoke out beside me and I groaned a little before I turned to face him,
‘’Look, you’re a nice guy, but I only want to be friends with you as I keep saying’’ I told him,
‘’Its okay, we can give it time’’ He tried saying and I breathed out a little as the others laughed and I glared at them,
‘’It wont work out, im with someone already, I only like you as a friend’’ I told him again, his face falling slightly as he nodded before shrugging.
‘’I wont tell if you wont’’ Luke spoke out with a small grin before I felt an arm wrap around my waist,
‘’I would suggest that you hit on someone else who is single maybe and understand that Tommy only wants to be friends and nothing else’’ Adam’s voice spoke out from just behind me as I moved and leaned back in to him, a sight blush on Luke’s cheeks as he looked at him and then looked away again.

Breathing out slightly, I picked the small bottle up again and took another mouthful as Dave turned back to Sophie and started to ask her about any names that she and Isaac liked.
‘’So why haven’t I met you before?’’ Luke asked Adam and I glanced over at Mia who bit her lip slightly.
‘’I haven’t been home in a while.’’ Adam told him simply as he nodded.
‘’Why, where have you been’’ Luke asked again and I sighed a little before I felt Adam’s thumb slip under the bottom of my hoody and stroke against my skin slightly.
‘’Germany’’ I watched as Luke frowned slightly and looked Adam over again.
‘’Germany...Why would you be there when you can be here with Tommy instead’’ He asked and Adam chuckled softly.
‘’I would be here with Tommy as much as I could if I wasn’t in the army, you see when you get a tour, you cant pick and choose where you want to be’’ Adam told him, ‘’So while Tommy is here having fun with his friends, im over in different countries saving peoples lives against people who is trying to kill others and take countries over.’’ He finished and Luke stared at him slightly before nodding.
‘’Umm...Mia, shouldn’t we be getting back to yours before everyone else turns up for the barbecue?’’ I asked her before she looked up and then quickly nodded.
‘’Yeah we should actually. So are you coming Luke?’’ She asked him and I stared at her before back at im as he glanced over at us.
‘’Sure why not, im sure I will find things out’’ He smiled at her before they started to pack again.

Standing up, I turned slightly and helped Adam up to his feet before he smiled at me and turned a little to pick his own bag up as I grabbed my towel and pushed it in to my own bag.
‘’Are you going to be okay to walk Mia’’ Adam asked her and she smiled before nodding,
‘’I will be fine, if not I got Dave here to help’’ She smiled as Isaac picked the cooler up and they started to head down the beach.
Waiting until me and Adam was alone a little, everyone else in front I glanced over at him with a small blush, ‘’Thank you for saving me’’ I told him quietly and he looked over at me with a smile.
‘’It’s nothing, I know what its like to have someone hound you like he was doing, I couldn’t sit there and watch any longer’’ He admitted with a shy smile and I grinned slightly and nodded.
‘’You may have to keep the act up a little longer until he leaves’’ I told him before Adam laughed softly and moved a little closer, his hand brushing over mine lightly before I tilted my hand a little and hooked my little finger around his.
‘’I don’t mind’’ He whispered with a smile. ‘’So Tommy, tell me a bit more about you which I should already know since we are dating and all that’’ He grinned out and I glanced up slightly to see Luke turn back around quickly and I let a soft laugh out.
‘’Well im 19, I’ve been playing the guitar since I was 12 and currently trying to make a living out of it’’ I told him as he nodded, ‘’I have a sister called Lisa who’s 26, I tend to get very hugging and kissing when Im drunk, my birthday is October 18th, when it comes to horror films, I pretty much know enough to quote any movie off by heart, I sometimes find it hard to sleep due to insomnia which can be a right bitch at times and most days when we aren’t at college, you can find me at Mia’s, either stealing her tv or food unless we are cuddling and talking’’ I laughed out with a small blush, ‘’What about you?’’ I asked him with a smile as I swung our arms slightly and he laughed.
‘’Well im also 19, I dropped out of school at 17 and joined the Army with a couple of friends and we have just gotten back from a two month tour but we have a two week leave before leaving for a 12 month tour’’ He told me and I looked up at him with a soft expression, ‘’I have a younger brother called Neil, mom and dad are divorced but still talk, dad’s girlfriend seems pretty nice, I’ve only met her the once. My birthday is January 29th and I think im the complete opposite from you, I don’t really like horror films all that much.’’ He spoke out and I nodded softly before I turned back to watch were we were walking. ‘’My favorite band is an English one called Queen’’ I laughed softly and nodded,
‘’I like them’’ I told him and he smiled at me softly. ‘’I would have to say that mine was Depeche Mode’’ I told him
‘’that’s awesome’’ He smiled at me, ‘’so how did we meet?’’ He asked and I grinned slightly.
‘’Was introduced by a mutual friend before you went on tour and we just hit it off’’ I told him as he laughed and nodded.
‘’Sound’s like a good way to meet, so we’ve been dating for three months.’’ Adam spoke and I nodded and looked up again to see that we had reached Mia’s place, everyone else already gone up to the house.
‘’So before we go up, just one question I want to ask you.’’ I spoke out quietly and he nodded to show that I could go on talking, ‘’Are you actually in to guy’s or is this just all for show?’’ I asked and he smiled softly at me.
‘’Nope Im pretty sure I like guys 120%’’ He grinned to me and I nodded slightly before he leaned down and kissed my cheek softly before he moved so his lips were beside my ear. ‘’Hope you don’t mind, but the guy was watching us’’ He whispered, lips brushing against my ear slightly as I bit me lip and nodded slightly with a smile.
‘’Come on’’ I grinned out before I let my hand slide in to his fully and I turned to pull him up the small slope to Mia’s back yard.

‘’Tommy, come play for us’’ Someone yelled out and I glanced around before shaking my head,
‘’Not yet, I want a drink first’’ I called back before I laughed and pulled Adam through everyone and in to the house where I headed towards the stairs. ‘’We can leave our stuff in her room, I always do’’ I grinned out to Adam before he nodded and followed me up. Letting his hand go at last, I pushed the door open and walked across to Mia’s bed which I jumped on and put my bag on the other side before pushing it under slightly and sat up to see Adam staring at me. ‘’No one looks for it there’’ I told him before holding my hand out for his, watching as he pulled a hoody out, I took his bag and moved it with mine before I stood again.
‘’Im going to use the bathroom, so meet you back downstairs’’ Adam told me before he smiled and kissed my cheek lightly again.
‘’Third door on the right’’ I called out after him, hearing him laugh I smiled and headed back downstairs and grabbed a beer before heading back out in to the yard.
‘’Babe’’ I turned slightly as I heard Mia’s voice and walked towards her before she pulled me to the side and away from everyone. ‘’So…what is going on with you and Adam’’ She asked and I laughed slightly.
‘’He’s saving me from Luke’’ I whispered to her as she nodded before giving me a knownin look, ‘’and okay he’s cute’’ I shrugged out with a smile as I took a mouthful of my beer.
‘’What do you say?’’ She asked and I laughed slightly before kissing her cheek.
‘’Thank you for proving me wrong and bringing a cute boy near me Mia’’ I told her before I winked and headed away to where someone was sat with a guitar beside them.

‘’So what are we playing?’’ I asked as I sat down and the guitar was pushed towards me.
‘’How about one of your knew songs’’ Dave spoke out as he looked over and I laughed slightly before I looked down and started to tune the strings. Starting to play, I couldn’t help but grin to myself slightly as I thought about the walk from the beach to here with Adam, the way we seemed to click near enough straight away, shaking my thoughts away, I carried on playing as someone started to sing, adding their own words, pausing slightly I leant down and picked my beer up and took another mouthful before I glanced up and found myself looking for Adam before I saw him talking to Mia, smiling softly I looked back down again as I kept playing.
Changing to a different song, I bounced my foot slightly to the beat as I laughed with the other people playing an instrument, glancing up again, I found myself meeting Adam’s eyes and I smiled at him which he returned and raised his drink up a little, laughing to myself I shook my head slightly and looked back down as I kept playing.
‘’Alright guys, that’s it for me tonight, im going to go have some fun’’ I laughed out as I stood and placed the guitar back against the log as a few of the others tried to get me to keep playing, ‘’Not tonight’’ I grinned out as I headed back inside and grabbed another drink, walking back out, I looked around slightly before I felt an arm slide around my waist and I laughed slightly before turning, my smile fading as I saw Luke, pushing his arm away, I breathed out a little and stared at him.
‘’Why are you lying about being that guy?’’ He asked me and I laughed a little,
‘’Im not lying, why would I lie about dating someone Luke, Im happy with Adam’’ I told him before I glanced around for him,
‘’So why haven’t you kissed him then? I’ve seen you and him and you haven’t even kissed yet’’ Luke spoke out and I laughed slightly before stepping back and turned.

‘’Hey have you seen Adam?’’ I asked Dave and he looked up before shaking his head slightly,
‘’No sorry dude, maybe ask Sophie and Isaac’’ He told me and I nodded slightly before I finished off my second drink and placed the empty bottle down on a table as I moved through the group.
‘’Tommy, just the person I was looking for’’ Turning I laughed slightly as I saw Isaac,
‘’Actually I was just looking for you too I told him as he shook his head and pressed another beer in to my hand which I grinned at.
‘’Well, me first, Adam told me to tell you once you had finished playing to meet him on the beach.’’ He told me and I nodded slightly, ‘’Well actually he told Luke first just to actually see if he would tell you but then he told me to tell you and yeah im going to go find my girlfriend’’ he laughed and I shook my head before I turned and started to walk towards the end of the yard where it led down to the beach, passing Luke, I moved my eyes away before I headed down and swept my eyes across the sand before I saw a figure stood near the water slightly.

‘’Hey’’ I spoke out quietly as I got to him and I watched as Adam turned and smiled at me,
‘’Hey’’ He answered back before he turned to face me as I walked closer, his eyes glancing down at the drink in my hand before he smiled a little. ‘’you sounded fantastic by the way, and you wrote the songs?’’ He asked and I nodded slightly.
‘’Yeah, its hard to write sometimes when there’s nothing around to help’’ I shrugged out and he smiled before moving closer, his arm wrapping around my shoulders as I leaned in to his side, my own arm wrapping around his waist.
‘’You just need to escape’’ He told me and I looked up at him confused slightly.
‘’How do you mean’’ I asked and chuckled softly.
‘’Well everyone needs to escape sometimes, so just when ever you need something to inspire you to write, just take your guitar and escape somewhere just you and your music’’ he told me quietly as he ran his fingertips over the side of my neck softly and I smiled as I turned in to him more.
‘’That’s the best advice that someone has ever given to me.’’ I told him and he let a soft laugh out as he nodded and smiled at me.
‘’So how many drinks does it normally take you to get all hugging and kissing everyone?’’ He asked and I blushed slightly as I buried my face in to his hoody slightly,
‘’Not many, but I’ve also been drinking whiskey most of the day so I would say not long, so three or four beers at the most’’ I told him as he nodded slightly.
‘’And what number’s that?’’ He asked as he nodded down to the beer in my hand,
‘’Umm…third’’ I grinned out as I took a sip before I looked up at him slightly, ‘’Why wanting to know when I will be coming around to kiss the hell out of you?’’ I asked with a slight grin as he laughed softly.
‘’Actually no, but I was wondering if I could maybe kiss you before you got drunk.’’ He asked me as he moved his hand up and brushed my hair out my eyes slightly, biting my lip slightly, I moved a little closer to him as I smiled up.
‘’If you wanted to kiss me, why haven’t you already’’ I whispered up to him as he laughed softly and curled his hand around my jaw a little.
‘’Because I didn’t want you to think that I was making a move on you just to be on show in front of the other guy’’ Adam whispered lightly before he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine softly. Curling my arm around his neck gently, I pulled him closer to me as I felt him lightly trace his tongue over my lips which I parted slightly before he pulled away with a soft smile as he rested his forehead against mine. ‘’Could I take you out tomorrow night’’ he asked me and I laughed softly before I nodded.
‘’If you kiss like that, of course you can’’ I told him as he shook his head slightly and pulled me in against his body as I hugged my arms around him and rested my head against his shoulder lightly, his arms felt perfect around me and I found myself not wanting to ever let go of Adam again until I had to. ‘’So only two weeks and then you leave again’’ I whispered as he sighed, his hand running through my hair as I looked up at him, my chin on his chest as he smiled at me sadly.
‘’Afraid so, two weeks off and then a year tour over in Europe’’ He told me quietly as I nodded,
‘’Is it strange that I feel like that im going to miss you even though we have only known each other for a few hours?’’ I asked as he laughed and pressed a soft kiss to my lips again.
‘’No, I think I would miss you, I mean you are the prettiest boy I’ve seen in a long time’’ He whispered and I blushed slightly before burring my face in to his chest again. ‘’So I forgot to ask…you and Mia…your not I mean…’’ He started to ask and I laughed softly.
‘’No…god no, she’s my best friend, sister almost, we tried dating once, ended badly’’ I grinned at him as he nodded with smile.
‘’That’s good then, wouldn’t want to piss her off’’ He whispered with a grin.

‘’Hey lover boy’s get out the honeymoon faze already and get your asses back up here’’ turning to look back up the slope, we both laughed as we saw Mia stood there before she turned and walked away.
‘’Well, better do what she say’s before she does kick our asses’’ I grinned out at him before I turned and started to walk back before I felt his hand wrap around mine and pull me back.
‘’One last thing’’ He grinned before pressing his lips back against mine again, laughing slightly I kissed him back again before pulling away. Taking his hand, I started to walk back up the slope again before we walked past Luke and I smirked a little before Mia walked towards us with a smirk.
‘’Nice of you to stop kissing long enough to actually remember us up here’’ Mia grinned out and I laughed slightly before I buried myself in to Adam’s side, his arm wrapping around me tightly,
‘’Sorry, that was kinder my fault, been away from him too long I guess’’ He spoke out and I moved to look up at him with a soft smile.
‘’Well im just glad that you got to see each other’’ Mia told us with a small wink before she kissed Adam’s cheek and then mine, ‘’It’s nice to see you happy’’ She whispered in to my ear and I blushed deeply before I kissed her lightly and quickly.
‘’Thank you Mia and goodbye Mia’’ I spoke out to her as she laughed and nodded slightly, feeling Adam pull me closer again, I smiled and turned back to look at him as he pressed a light kiss to the top of my head.
‘’Let’s go get some food’’ I mumbled out as I unwrapped myself from him and took his hand in mine again as I led him towards the kitchen and away from everyone else who was still outside.

Putting my drink down on the side, I walked over to the fridge and pulled it open as I ran my eyes over everything in there and I frowned slightly, lips pushing out in to a pout before I reached in and grabbed some of the chicken she had in there before placing it on the side and went searching for some other things when I felt Adam’s arm slide around my waist.
‘’Go spend some time with your friends Tommy and let me make us some food.’’ He whispered in to my ear and I couldn’t help but smile before I turned and looked at him.
‘’Are you sure?’’ I asked as he smiled and nodded.
‘’Im sure, now go’’ He told me before kissing my cheek and pushed me towards the doors, ‘’Come back in an hour’’ He smiled towards me as I nodded and picked my beer up before wondering back out in to the yard.
‘’Where’s the boyfriend Tommy?’’ Dave called out and I laughed slightly before flipping him off and walked over to join him and Mia by the small fire, sitting down I looked across to see Luke still here and I sighed a little before I finished my beer off and picked the guitar up again and rested it on my knee as I ran my fingers over the strings.
‘’Actually, he’s kicked me out the kitchen, sorry Mia we went looking for food and yeah’’ I laughed out as she shrugged,
‘’Hell I might just steal him for myself’’ She grinned out and I laughed slightly.
‘’Sorry babe, im not giving him up’’ I grinned over at her. ‘’I’ve only got him for two weeks and im going to make the most of it.’’ I smiled out before I looked back up at to see her smiling towards me.
‘’Shoot me now, you’re as bad as Sophie and Isaac’’ Dave gagged out and I laughed slightly.
‘’Where are they anyway?’’ I asked as I glanced around.
‘’Isaac took Sophie home as she was feeling tired, so he probably wont be back’’ Mia spoke out and I nodded slightly before frowning.
‘’Well…they could’ve said goodbye’’ I chuckled out before I shook my head and started to play a random tune on the guitar.

Slowly the party died down to just the five of us before footsteps appeared and Adam sat down beside me on the bench before he held a plate out to me, putting the guitar down behind me, I took it with a smile, ‘’Thanks’’ I whispered out as I took the fork which he offered.
‘’Oh wow, that looks so good.’’ I heard Mia say before I shook my head.
‘’There’s plenty left in the fridge, I wasn’t sure so I just made enough, im used to making meals for large groups not two people’’ Adam spoke out and I laughed as I watched as Mia nodded and then quickly got up and ran towards the house.
‘’Oh my god, Tommy, im sorry but im stealing him forever’’ Mia spoke out as she came walking back with a plate of food and I grinned before I moved closer to Adams side and rested my head on his shoulder.
‘’But how can you tare me away from my love when we only have such little time together’’ I asked as I tried to fake a sad voice before breaking in to laughter.
‘’Oh Christ, you guys make me sick’’ Dave muttered out and I flipped him off before I started to eat.
‘’So Adam, your going on tour again when you got back?’’ Luke’s voice rang out and I glanced up towards him before Adam placed his empty plate behind him on the table.
‘’Yeah, not sure where bout’s we are going to be stationed this time, just know that it’s somewhere in Europe’’ He spoke out as I turned back and moved a piece of chicken around my plate.
‘’Oh that sounds like fun, nice and hot then in places’’ Luke’s voice held a hint of sarcasm in and I breathed out a little before I stood and picked the dishes up.
‘’Actually, it’s hell sometimes, wearing the full uniform, combat boots, plus your kit which includes food packets, water and first aid kits for minor injuries, then you have to be carrying your weapon at all times plus extra ammo…’’ Adam’s voice trailed off as I walked further away and in to the house again before walking over to the sink to put the plates in.

‘’Hey, are you okay?’’ I turned and looked over at Dave with a smile before I nodded,
‘’Yeah, just brought the plates in before we forgot and wanted to grab another drink’’ I told him as he looked me over and then glanced back out through the open doors and back again.
‘’You like him already don’t you’’ he asked and I stared at him before shrugging.
‘’I don’t know what you are on about’’ I told him as I walked over to the fridge and pulled out two beers again,
‘’Yes you do Tommy, you like Adam’’ He spoke again and I shook my head,
‘’Still don’t know what you are talking about Dave’’ I grinned out to him as I past him and started to walk back towards the other three.
‘’Oh come on Tommy, just admit it already’’ He laughed out and I glanced over my shoulder before breaking in to a run as I saw him turn and start running after me, laughing, I dropped the drinks down next to Mia before I ran down the slope and on to the beach where I felt Dave tackle me before pinning me down, his finger pressed in to my chest as I laughed. ‘’Admit it’’ He spoke out heavily and I shook my head.
‘’Never’’ I grinned out as I rocked slightly and pushed him off me, turning over on to my front, I pushed myself up before I glanced up to see Mia and Adam stood watching us, Luke stood just to the side before I glanced back at Dave again to see him walking towards me.
‘’I will drown you Thomas Josepha Ratliff’’ He warned out and I cringed slightly before I stepped backwards again.
‘’Really, full names now, dude come on and give me a break please?’’ I asked as he laughed and shook his head.
‘’Okay, okay I admit it okay’’ I laughed out as I held my hands up towards him as he kept walking closer.
‘’All of it Tommy’’ He told me and I glanced up before back again,
‘’Dude…come on, I just said I admitted it, leave it at that’’ I warned him as he looked up and then back again and stood closer to me.
‘’Whisper it then’’ He grinned at me and I shook my head slightly with a grin.
‘’Okay I admit, I like him, I like Adam quite a lot’’ I told him quietly before he threw his fist up in to the air in triumph, laughing slightly I pushed him over before I ran back up and hid behind Adam’s body slightly with a laugh.
‘’Mia please control your guest’s, its not nice being beaten up’’ I told her out of breath slightly before I felt Adam move and his hand rest on the back of my neck again, thumb softly rubbing in to my skin as she laughed and patted my arm softly.

‘’Well I don’t know what you four are going to do, but you are welcomed to stay but im going to go to bed cause im tired as heck’’ Mia spoke out about an hour and half later and I looked up from where I was tucked against Adam’s side.
‘’Im staying, no point in going home just to come back again tomorrow’’ I told her as she smiled and walked over, standing I hugged her tightly as she kissed my cheek and pulled away with a smile as she stared at me.
‘’Are you going to steal my bed with me or the guest room tonight’’ She asked with a knowing look and I blushed slightly before shrugging. ‘’Goodnight boys’’ she grinned out before giving a little wave and headed back in to the house as I moved and sat back down before Adam moved and placed his legs either side of me before his arms moved around my waist again.
‘’It must be scary out there’’ Luke asked Adam again and I breathed out slightly, a little tense before I felt his hands sooth over my side lightly.
‘’Not really, mainly just boring, long stretches of boring and flashes of scary sometimes’’ Adam told him as I felt his fingers slide up under my hoody before the whole of his palm rested against my stomach.
‘’So if you don’t mind me asking Adam, what made you join up?’’ Dave asked and I moved a little and tilted my head up to look at him.
‘’Yeah, you never did tell me why’’ I smiled up at him as he chuckled softly and gave me a squeeze.
‘’You never asked’’ Adam smiled at me before he looked up towards Dave again, ‘’Actually, I was in college and a brother of my best friend was killed in action, I saw how it affected everyone and when he was brought home, I went to the service to look after my friend, moral support really you could say.’’ Adam spoke out as he nodded. ‘’And all his army friends were there including his best friend, who he saved from the shoot out, sadly that’s what killed her brother. But really I guess that after spending the day talking to them and seeing how people respected them for what they were doing for our country, it just made me want to do something right with my life so I joined up.’’ He finished and Dave smiled softly as I leaned back in to Adam’s arms further.
‘’That’s pretty remarkable, I don’t think I would be able to do what you do day in and day out without missing home’’
‘’It can be tough sometimes, but the main thing which gets you through the heat and the long walks over there is the thought of what’s waiting for you at home. It helps you sleep at night knowing that you are fighting for your country to keep your love ones safe.’’ Adam told him as I felt him rest his chin on the top of my head.

Feeling a droplet, I glanced up before laughing as more rain started to fall and we got to our feet quickly before running inside the house.
‘’I’ll be back, just going to call home’’ Adam whispered in to me ear as I nodded and quickly pressed a light kiss to the corner of his mouth before I watched him walk out in to the hallway, turning back I walked over to Mia’s fireplace and put some of the wood in before lighting it and stood back up again as I stared at the flames. Turning I walked over to the couch and curled up in the corner as Dave and Luke took the armchairs.
‘’So what have you got planned for the rest of spring break Tommy?’’ Luke asked and I looked up at him before I shrugged slightly.
‘’Not sure really, I mean we still have a week and half to go yet’’ I spoke out before I yawned slightly and pulled my hoody closer to me as I moved down a little and rested my head on one of the cushions.
‘’What about you Dave’’ Luke turned and asked as I felt the cushions move and I glanced up to see Adam sitting down, smiling I moved a little and turned before laying back down again, my head in his lap as I felt his fingers lightly move through my hair slowly as his other hand rested on my side.
‘’Actually im working a few days but other than that im just going to chill out before we start school again’’ He spoke out and I turned on to my back, Adam’s fingers sliding around to brush over the side of my neck before he moved his hand around on to the front and let his thumb stroke lightly over my skin.
‘’Work really, wow tough to be you really’’ Luke muttered out as Dave laughed and nodded slightly before they started to talk about other things. I tried to listen to what Dave and Luke was talking about before I turned and faced towards the back of the couch and rested my forehead against Adam’s stomach lightly as I let myself fall in to a soft sleep.

‘’They look kinder cute together’’ A hushed voice spoke out as I felt Adam’s arms move around me tighter again and I buried myself in to his chest, my hands tangling around his top slightly as he moved and kissed the top of my head, his nose lightly butting against it as he stilled again.
‘’They are, its kinder sickening really but its nice to see him smiling again like that’’ Another voice hushed out from behind us somewhere.
‘’Fuck off’’ I muttered out to whoever it was before I buried my face in to Adam’s chest more again as a few laughs ran out.
‘’Good morning to you too Tommy’’ Breathing out slightly, I turned a little and winched in the brightness of the room before I worked a hand free and rubbed at my eyes before I blinked and looked across to see Mia and Dave sat at the breakfast bar between the living room and kitchen, Luke walking in from the hallway.
‘’Got any coffee left?’’ I asked before Mia nodded and got up. Feeing arms tighten around me again, I smiled a little as I felt lips press against my neck and I turned back slightly as blue eyes opened to stare at me.
‘’Morning’’ Adam mumbled out as I smiled softly at him and turned back to lie facing him fully.
‘’Morning to you’’ I whispered to him as I moved my arm up and curled it around his neck slightly as he smiled,
‘’Do you always look this gorgeous in the mornings?’’ Adam asked, blushing slightly I laughed before I felt his lips against mine softly. Kissing him back just as soft, I breathed out and smiled slightly before I pulled away and rested my forehead against his.
‘’Coffee darling’s, please don’t fuck on my couch’’ Mia’s voice called out loudly and I found myself blushing deeply as I buried myself back in to his neck again.

‘’So I will come round about 6 to pick you up’’ Adam told me quietly and I smiled at him, my hands against his chest softly before I trailed them down to his stomach,
‘’Yeah’’ I whispered softly before I felt his hands move up around my neck, thumbs pressing lightly against my jaw as he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine.
‘’I’ll see you soon then’’ He whispered as he finally pulled away and I nodded softly,
‘’See you soon then.’’ I whispered back, the taste of him still on my lips and tongue as he stepped away, wrapping my arms around myself slightly, I leaned against the door frame and watched him as he walked away.
‘’So he seems like an alright kinder guy’’ I turned and looked towards Luke and I sighed slightly as I pushed the door closed and walked back out to the backyard where Mia was,
‘’He is’’ I told him with a slight smile before I pushed myself down in to the seat and curled up against Mia’s side.
‘’You know, last night, he was just laid watching you for ages’’ Luke told me and I looked up at him slightly, ‘’It was like he was trying to figure out what you were dreaming about or something, but the look on his face was nothing but adoration towards you’’ He finished up and I blushed a little.
‘’I think I would’ve done the same to him’’ I admitted with a small shrug as Mia laughed softly and wrapped her arms around me.
‘’And that children is what we call romance’’ She grinned out and I shook my head slightly as I looked up at her with a soft smile.
‘’How’s your ankle today any way?’’ I asked with a slight grin.
‘’Oh you know…nothing you can’t thank me for’’ She winked out and I laughed brightly as I leant up and kissed her cheek.
‘’Whatever you say babe’’ I grinned at her.
‘’Okay, that just didn’t make sense’’ Luke spoke out and we both turned to look at him before laughing,
‘’Don’t worry about it, im sure you wouldn’t understand it anyway’’ Mia told him, her voice the tone she normally used to tell someone to butt out of her business when it didn’t concern them in the slightest. Hugging in to Mia’s side, again I breathed out deeply, I just wanted today to go by quickly again so I could see Adam again.

He stirred something inside of me, and I liked the way I felt when I was around him

Chapter Text

‘’Mia, where’s the scraper thingy you use to clean the fire pit out?’’ Yelled up to the house as I searched through the small cupboard outside, moving as I heard footsteps, I cursed slightly as I caught my head on the side of the doo before standing and rubbed at it lightly.
‘’Here’’ She spoke out as I turned to see her holding it out to me,
‘’Thanks’’ I smiled s I took it again and walked towards the fire bit and crouched down, starting to clear it I heard her footsteps move closer before she sat on the logs.
‘’So you’re going out with Adam tonight?’’ She asked as I glanced up and smiled a little,
‘’Yeah, he wanted to take me out’’ I shrugged as I went back to scraping the old logs out and placed them in the ash box beside it, wiping my hands down on my knees, I moved and sat down beside her as she moved a arm over my shoulders.
‘’You like him don’t you?’’ She asked softly as I turned to look at her with a soft smile and nodded gently, ‘’im glad Tommy, I haven’t seen you smile like you did since you were with that other guy back in school after us’’ She spoke and I laughed softly.
‘’Yeah but he moved back to England’’ I shrugged out with a grin.
‘’Well yeah, but that doesn’t matter, Adam seems nice and the way he looks at you too, I like that, I have a good feeling around him’’ She told me as I grinned a little. ‘’What time is he picking you up’’
‘’Six’’ I told her before I looked down at the time, ‘’Do I have any clothes here other than just shorts?’’ I asked before she laughed and nodded again.
‘’Yeah you do, jeans…tops, hoody’s, underwear everything, I think you pretty much live in my spare room anyway’’ She laughed before I pushed away playfully and stood.
‘’I know that it’s only three and I have another three hours but I cant sit around doing nothing anymore’’ I laughed out as she grinned,
‘’Tell me about it, I don’t think you have cleaned my house so much’’ She teased out to me. Shaking my head slightly I headed back in and up to her room and over to the drawers which I had taken over with my own clothes. Finding some clean boxers I headed in to the bathroom and turned the water on. ‘’Tommy, you need to relax honey’’ Mia told me as she stood in the doorway and I laughed slightly as I looked over.
‘’Easy for you to say, Adam’s only ever seen me in shorts and a hoody on the beach with wind swept hair and then first thing in the morning where im like death…what happens if he doesn’t like the real me in jeans and the make up and all that shit?’’ I asked as she laughed again.
‘’Adam will like you for who you are Tommy, if he liked what he’s already seen, he will like what he is going to see once you are finished getting ready’’ Mia told me before walking over, her hands on my shoulders as I smiled. ‘’Knock him dead’’ She whispered before kissing my cheek and wondered back out the room again, the door closing behind her.

.o0o.

‘’Okay those aren’t jeans…you have painted yourself...you really are going all out tonight aren’t you’’ Mia spoke out and I laughed as I turned to look towards her with a grin.
‘’I think I need to bring some new clothes over’’ I told her before turning back to the mirror again as I finished touching up my eyeliner.
‘’You don’t say’’ Mia spoke out before the doorbell rang and I looked towards her, ‘’Get a shirt on lover boy’’ She winked out before heading away from the door, grinning to myself, I turned back to the mirror and smudged my finger over my eyes slightly before I washed my hands and grabbed my shirt. Tugging it on over my head I messed my hair back up a little and turned towards the door.
‘’So as I was saying, stay away Tommy if you are planning on hurting him’’ Mia’s voice drifted up the stairs and I shook my head slightly as I walked in to her room again and grabbed my jacket, phone and wallet and headed downstairs, my eyes down slightly before I looked up to see Adam staring at me with wide eyes before he smiled. Blushing a little, I looked down with a smile as I slipped my things in to my pockets and looked back up again as Mia walked over and kissed my cheek, ‘’Have fun honey’’ She whispered as I smiled and nodded to her before turning back to Adam as he stepped closer, his eyes running over me a few times before he let a soft laugh out.
‘’Just…wow’’ He breathed out as I blushed again and smiled at him,
‘’So probably not what you would’ve thought’’ I spoke out before he laughed again and shook his head,
‘No…you, you’re perfect, you look amazing Tommy’’ He told me as he stepped closer again, his hands moving to the sides of my arms before sliding down to my hands, turning mine in to his, I smiled at him again before I looked at what he was wearing,
‘’So do you, if I had met you like this, I wouldn’t of thought you were in the army’’ I told him with a grin as he laughed and nodded.
‘’Well I hope that doesn’t put you off me’’ Adam told me before I opened my mouth to speak,
‘’Please just take him and leave before I throw up’’ Mia’s voice spoke out and I blushed and looked towards her as she passed by again.
‘’Yeah, lets do that’’ Adam grinned out before he let my hands go and walked to the front door again, pulling it open I smiled at him softly as I headed out, hearing the door close behind us, I slipped my hands in to my pockets as we headed down the sidewalk.

‘’So…’’ I spoke out softly before Adam laughed lightly,
‘’im not going to lie…im kinder nervous now’’ Adam admitted before I looked up at him with a smile, ‘’what it’s true…you totally threw me of balance when you came down’’ He told me as I laughed and moved a little closer to him, my shoulder brushing against his slightly as we smiled at each other.
‘’Well if it makes you feel any better, I was nervous about tonight too’’ I told him before he turned to look at me confused, ‘’I was worried that you wouldn’t like…’’ I trailed off slightly as I pulled my hand out and waved it around me slightly as he smiled and moved a arm out before wrapping it around my shoulders and tugged me in to his side.
‘’You look amazing Tommy’’ He told me as I smiled and let an arm move around his waist as we walked.
‘’So tell me Adam, what brings you to Burbank, California, other than being on leave?’’ I asked him with a grin,
‘’Family,’’ He told, ‘’I grew up in San Diageo and my parents moved out here a few years back’’ Adam said as we slowed as we came to a main road, ‘’And a few friends, but I have a feeling that im going to be spending most of my time home with someone else’’ He whispered out as I laughed softly. ‘’But im guessing you grew up here too’’ He asked before I pulled away a little and looked at him,
‘’How’d you figure that out…I might of grown up somewhere different.’’ I teased him
‘’unless another part has that cute valley accent of yours’’ Adam smiled at me as I laughed and shrugged slightly,
‘’Fine you are right, grew up here but kinder hoping to move in to Hollywood one day even if it takes forever’’ I laughed out as he curled his arm back around my shoulders again before we parted as we neared the pier restaurant and bar.

‘’What are you doing here?’’ Hearing someone speak out, I turned slightly and looked back to see Adam pause before taking a step back and turned to look towards the entrance where the owner was stood. ‘’I don’t want any trouble.’’
‘’Look, im not looking for any trouble’’ Adam spoke out and I pushed my hands in to my pocket again. ‘’Please’’ Biting my lip a little, I took a step towards him as the owner sighed.
‘’You better not’’ He spoke out before Adam nodded and turned back to me with a soft smile as we started to walk again.
‘’What was that all about?’’ I asked as he shrugged and smiled at me.
‘’It was nothing’’ He told me before I nodded, moving around a table; I sat down across from him with a smile. ‘’So drinks’’ He asked and I laughed slightly,
‘’Unless you have some sort of magic ID, we wont be served’’ I told him as he laughed slightly and nodded to me,
‘’That is true, but I will see what I can do for us’’ Adam grinned out to me as I laughed and sat back,
‘’Alright then MR. Army officer, go play your magic then.’’ I teased out to him.

Standing up again, I pulled my phone and wallet out my pockets before setting them on the table as I sat down again, my eyes moving around the place before I lightly smiled to myself and looked down at the table top, spinning my phone around slowly with my finger, I glanced up as footsteps came closer and smiled towards Adam as he set two beers down on the table top and took the seat next to me with a soft smile.
‘’Fucker’’ I grinned out at him as he laughed, picking the drink up, I took a small sip before I sat back and looked at him softly, properly for the first time since he had shown up. The way his eyes shone slightly under the lights, the small amount of liner around them was soft against his face before blue eyes turned and caught mine with a smile as I felt myself blush slightly knowing he caught me staring.
‘’So tell me more about your music’’ Adam said softly and I grinned as I placed my beer down again before turning to face him a little more.
‘’Well…I play the guitar and the bass a little; I can play the keys too’’ I told him as he smiled, ‘’Um, most of my earliest memories has involved music and I can always remember trying to write my own songs which I still do but has been so much easier since I taught myself to play’’ I grinned out before taking another sip of my drink.
‘’That sounds amazing’’ Adam told me as I smiled,
‘’Yeah, I kinder want to create a career out of it you know, but it’s just so hard to make a dent’’ I shrugged out as he laughed softly and nodded.
‘’Yeah, a friend of mine has been trying to get his hand in to it the business since we left school’’ Adam told me with a smile as he picked his drink up. ‘’But you play really good and im sure you will get snapped up one day’’ He told me with a smile as I blushed slightly.
‘’You’re just saying that’’ I told him before he laughed and shook his head.
‘’I mean it Tommy, hearing you play last night was amazing, I was stood there just watching the way you were playing and laughing with the others, you can see it in your face that music is what you breathe’’ Adam told me softly as his hand came a little closer and his fingertips brushed over the side of my hand.
‘’You are very kind Adam’’ I told him with a soft smile as he laughed and nodded a little,
‘’my mom raised me to be kind’’ He told me as I smiled and put my beer back down again after taking a sip, moving my hand slightly, I let a fingers brush back over his with a soft smile.
‘’Im liking your mom already’’ I told him as his hand turned and I slipped mine in to his with a smile.
‘’Let’s go walk’’ Adam told me softly as he stood, my hand still in his before I finished my beer a little more and placed it back down on the table again and started to walk with him, letting his hand go, I looked up at him with a smile before I wrapped my arm around his waist as his came around my shoulders and we started to walk back along the pier again.
‘’Two weeks leave’’ I sighed slightly as I felt Adam squeeze me gently, ‘’and already a quarter of that has gone’’ I spoke out before I looked up at him with a small smile.
‘’But even with the short amount of time remaining, I know it’s going to be worth it’’ Adam spoke out with a smile. ‘’So I was thinking as some fun…how about…we head to the arcade in town?’’ He asked and I laughed softly before nodding.
‘’I think it sounds like a great idea’’ I grinned out to him.
‘’Good, because I couldn’t think of anything else and my next option was just a walk along the beach’’ He laughed out and I shook my head slightly as I smiled up at him.
‘’you know we can always do that afterwards you know, either way I don’t mind what we do just as along as it is together’’ I told him as he smiled and squeezed me slightly closer in to his side again which caused me to laugh and moved so my hand was back in to his.
‘’Well that’s that all planned then, go have fun then a walk along the beach before I take you home before it gets too late’’ Adam told me as I blushed deeply again.
‘’You’re a jerk you know, you keep making me blush and smile’’ I teased back to him as he laughed and smiled with a nod.
‘’I don’t see what’s wrong in that, you have a nice smile and you look even more cute when you blush’’ Adam told me as I pushed him away playfully.

Walking through the streets with him, I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I looked down at our joined hands, it felt good to hold someone’s hand and just walk down the street with them. In the short amount of time knowing Adam, I felt like everything in my life had changed and that it was going to keep changing for a while, but it was going to be a good change at that.
‘’Whatcha thinking about’’ Adam asked as I looked up at him with a smile and shrugged softly,
‘’Just things’ I told him as he laughed.

.o0o.

‘’No’’ I laughed out as I slipped through the crowd and rounded a few of the machines, a grin on my lips before I felt arms wrap around my waist and I turned slightly to see Adam, laughing I let myself relax in to his hold as he placed me on my feet again and kissed the side of my neck.
‘’I say we have another air hockey match…this time no cheating Tommy’’ He whispered in to my ear as I laughed.
‘’I didn’t cheat…it isn’t my fault that you didn’t concentrate’’ I grinned out before turning around in his arms.
‘’you so did, you kept pulling little faces and biting your lip, that’s distracting in it’s self’’ He told me with a smile as I laughed and wiggled out his hold, grabbing his hand I winked at him and started to pull him towards the table again.
‘’you just have to learn not to watch my face then’’ I laughed out.
‘’I’ll try, but no means it’s not easy’’ Adam told me as I laughed and grabbed the small puck, waiting for Adam to move around to the other side, I winked and hit it towards him, laughing as it moved past and in to his goal.
‘’Hey that wasn’t fair Tommy’’ He laughed out as I shrugged.
‘’You looked it, now show me that army side and beat me if you can’’ I teased as he placed the puck back on the table with a smile.
‘’Oh I will beat you baby’’ Adam winked at me and I laughed, hearing the ding of points, I looked at the score table before down at Adam.
‘’That wasn’t fair, I wasn’t even looking’’ I gasped out as he laughed,
‘’Got to keep you eye on the game Tommy’’ Adam laughed out to me as I pouted and grabbed the puck again.
‘’You may not realize, but you have just started a war’’ I told him as he winked and I laughed.
‘’What’s one more war to me?’’ He asked with a small grin as I hit the puck back towards him again.

‘’Fuck’’ I yelped out as the puck once again landed in my goal and Adam laughed brightly.
‘’Sorry, your gorgeous smile didn’t put me off this time’’ He teased out as I laughed and walked around to where he was stood.
‘’So not fair’’ I whined as he grinned and walked closer to me, his arms wrapping around my shoulders softly before he pulled me closer.
‘’How can I make it up to you’’ He asked before I pouted slightly and shrugged,
‘’I don’t know’’ I admitted to him before I let a smile replace the pout and leaned in to him slightly more, taking his hand again, I started to pull Adam towards the entrance again before I paused and grinned widely, ‘’I know how now’’ I grinned at him as he rose an eyebrow at me and I nodded towards the photo booth. Laughing with him as I pushed him towards and in side, I followed before pulling the little curtain closed again and worked my wallet out my pocket and pushed a few coins in. Feeling Adam move his arm around my waist and pull me down on to his lap, I laughed just as the booth clicked its first shot, a blush filling my cheeks as I turned to look at him slightly with a smile which he returned, his eyes staring in to mine as another click went off.
‘’Freak’’ I whispered to him as we both started laughing, my hand coming up behind his head just as another click went and I grinned as I wrapped my arm around his neck.
‘’Say’s you’’ Adam whispered back before he moved a hand up to my jaw lightly and turned my chin up slightly with a smile, biting my lip slightly, I smiled and leaned closer to him before he leaned the rest of the way, out lips touching against each others in a soft kiss as the last click went off. Kissing him a little deeper again, I smiled against his lips before I heard a small buzz and I pulled away laughing, his eyes questioning as I nodded to the machine’s curtain door.
‘’Our photos are ready’’ I grinned to him as he nodded, getting up, I pushed the curtain back again and climbed off his lap and out the booth with Adam following before I leaned down slightly and pulled them out the little drawer, looking down at them, I couldn’t help but smile down at them as Adam’s arm’s came around my waist and I leaned back in to him.

‘’You photograph really well’’ Adam whispered in to my ear and I laughed softly before I turned to look at him,
‘’You’re such a dork’’ I told him as I looked back down at the photos with a smile, grabbing his hand, I pulled him over to a table and ripped the photos in to the four little ones and turned them all upside down before I moved them around and mixed them. ‘’Pick two, and I pick two’’ I told him with a smile.
‘’you are also very clever’’ Adam told me before he placed a finger on top of a photo and slid it to the edge of the table, ‘’Your turn’’ He whispered in to my ear as I smiled an one the same as he did until we both had two photo’s each, moving the two photos together, I slipped them in to my wallet. ‘’Aren’t you going to see what ones you got?’’ He asked softly before I shook my head and smiled up at him.
‘’Im happy knowing I have two photo’s of us together, I think when the time is right, I will look at them’’ I told him as he smiled at me, his own photos still face down as he looked down at them.
‘’I think you are right’’ He told me before picking them up and placed them together still facing each other, ‘’When the time is right’’ He whispered as he slipped them in to his own wallet and replaced it back in to his pocket again.

Leaving the arcade with Adam, I kept my hand in his as we walked along towards the beach and started to walk towards a few shops, ‘’Do you want to get something to eat?’’ I asked him softly before he smiled and nodded,
‘’Sure why not’’ He told me as I nodded and crossed the road with him as we headed back towards the pier again before he stopped me. ‘’How about…’’ He started to say before he paused and turned to face me with a soft smile. ‘’we find a place which sells chips in those paper plate things or something fast food and go sit in the dunes?’’ He asked as I grinned and nodded.
‘’Sounds perfect’’ I told him as took his hand again softly.

.o0o.

‘’So what’s it really like when you have been deployed somewhere?’’ I asked Adam softly, our food eaten and wrappers discarded to the side of us and the both of us laid back in the sand staring at the stars in the sky.
‘’It’s difficult’’ Adam said softly, his fingers trailing up and down my arm lightly, ‘’including me, there six people in the troupe, with only one who can speak a few different languages, so we rely on him a lot when we get people yelling at us. The heat can really get to you because of the uniform is quite thick and then you have your armor plating on underneath that between layers, plus your helmet and pack which include all sorts of supplies, and then you have your weapon’’ Adam told me, ‘’That itself weighs a few pounds and you have to be carrying it all the time with your pack.’’ He sighed and moved a little as an arm moved up under his head. ‘’But it also has it’s best bits, like getting to help people out and just making a impact you know, aswell as getting to see all these different places’’ He told me as I smiled and nodded.
‘’You are doing a great thing you know’’ I told him as I moved on to my side to look up at him ‘’Not many people can say that they have made a difference in this world for their country’’ I told him as he turned to look at me with a smile, ‘’What you are doing is so brave and I honestly wouldn’t be able to do what you are,’’ I told him as he nodded and pulled me closer to him again.
‘’I wouldn’t want you to do what I do Tommy, there are things you wish you didn’t see sometimes and then you have night’s where you are scared to sleep because you are always listening to the gun fire in the distance’’ Adam told me softly as his fingers ran through my hair, ‘’And then when your out walking, you find yourself watching for anything…just waiting for someone to jump out and open fire on you’’ he breathed out before I moved and leaned over him slightly.
‘’But you are back in California right now, laid on the beach with me and far, far, far away from all that’’ I told him softly as he nodded and smiled at me,
‘’I know, and im glad that I stopped to help Mia out, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t be here with such an amazing and gorgeous boy laid half on top of me’’ He grinned out to me as I laughed, burying my face in to his chest slightly, I looked back up again and smiled before leaning up to let my lips brush over his softly.
‘’You’re the amazing one Adam’’ I whispered to him as I moved and lay back beside him again, my head on his chest softly as I turned to look up at the stars again.

‘’The moon looks so big tonight’’ I told him softly after a while of being laid in silence, Adam’s arm wrapped around me lightly. ‘’I like it when it’s like this because it makes me feel less alone’’ I told him softly.
‘’The moon is always the same size, just hold your thumb up to it and close one eye, it’s never any bigger’’ Adam whispered before I lifted my hand up and let one of my eyes close before I laughed softly.
‘’I can’t believe I just done that’’ I grinned out as I dropped my hand down again and Adam laughed, his arms coming around me tightly as I smiled.
‘’It was cute, and I hope that if you are ever feeling alone and the moon looks big, just hold your thumb up and you know that im right there with you’’ He told me as I smiled and nodded.
‘’Don’t think I would be able to forget you even if I tried’’ I told him as I turned to smile at him.
‘’Good, because im never going to forget someone like you’’ He whispered, curling in to him slightly, I smiled at the warmth coming from his body before I sighed lightly, everything felt perfect.

.o0o.

‘’Are you sure you don’t want to stay?’’ I asked Adam once we had gotten back to Mia’s again, ‘’Mia really wouldn’t mind’’ I told him as he laughed softly and shook his head, returning his hug; I kissed the underside of his jaw before pulling away with a smile.
‘’Im sure, plus, I do have to spend some time with my family’’ He grinned out to me, a soft blush forming over my cheeks as I moved my arms up around his neck, ‘’But you are still amazing and I want you to meet my mom at some point’’ He told me, biting my lip slightly, I laughed and nodded.
‘’I would love to, I want to meet the women who gave birth and brought up such a wonderful person’’ I told him with a smile as he laughed and leaned down. Letting my eyes slide shut as our lips touched together, I pulled him slightly closer to me again as we kissed slowly and his arms curled around my waist.
‘’Oh shit…sorry I didn’t realize you were there’’ Dave’s voice rang out as we jumped apart suddenly and I blushed brightly, watching as he shut the door again I turned back to look at Adam before I laughed softly and he grinned.
‘’I should really get going, it’s late and I don’t want to wake anyone up once I get in the house’’ He told me as I nodded and smiled at him.
‘’Give me your phone’’ I said suddenly, Adam’s eyebrow raising slightly before I laughed, ‘’So I can put my phone number in you dork’’ I told him as he laughed and pulled it out before handing it to me, putting it in quickly, I dialed my number before hanging up again. ‘’There and now I have yours’’ I told him as I handed his phone back with a smile.
‘’Good, now I can get hold of you whenever I want’’ Adam told me as I laughed, leaning up I pressed a soft kiss to his lips again before pulling away.
‘’I think we should both go now, I think Dave wants to leave’’ I laughed out as he nodded in agreement and stole another kiss.
‘’Goodnight Tommy’’ Adam told me before he started to walk away, smiling, I leaned back against the door watching him before the solid foundation behind me disappeared and I found myself lying on the floor staring up at Dave and Mia before I laughed and waved at them.
‘’Good night?’’ Mia asked as I laughed and nodded to them,
‘’Yeah it was actually, but next time please knock on the door before opening it or just check no one is leaning against it’’ I laughed before I started to slowly sit up again and rubbed the back of my head before I got to my feet and turned to them both. ‘’Anyway, im going to go get changed and go bed’’ I grinned out before kissing both of their cheeks and headed upstairs.

‘’Hey Tommy’’ Turning, I looked over towards the doorway where Mia was stood and smiled,
‘’Hey you,’’ I spoke back as she walked in and over to her bed where she jumped on to the bottom of it,
‘’so how did tonight go?’’ She asked as she stole her laptop of my lap and I grinned,
‘’Pretty amazing if im honest, I don’t think I’ve had so much fun in such a long time like I did with Adam,’’ I told her as she smiled,
‘’Im glad, what did you get up too?’’ She asked and I thought about it slightly before grinning.
‘’First we walked down to the pier restaurant and had a drink before we took a slow walk in to town and went to the arcade and played a few games and then a few games of air hockey because he accused me of cheating because he kept getting distracted because of my smile or something’’ I laughed out and Mia moved and put her laptop away before turning the lights off and we both settled down in her bed. ‘’Then when we left we had another slow walk before getting something to eat and then sat for a few hours on the beach just talking about different things’’ I told her in the darkness.
‘’Well it sounded amazing Tommy, im glad you’re happy’’ She told me as I turned over with a smile and wrapped an arm around her waist softly as she turned and leaned in to my chest.
‘’I like being happy too’’ I told her softly.

.o0o.

‘’Mia he leaves today, I don’t know what to do’’ I breathed out to her as she stepped in to the room and smiled lightly at me.
‘’Go with him, kiss him goodbye, give him your letter, do anything Tommy,’’ She told me as she walked over and touched her hands against my arms, ‘’Tell him how you feel’’ She whispered as I nodded slightly.
‘’Will you take me?’’ I asked as she smiled softly,
‘’Sure’’.

¤¤¤¤

‘’Adam’’ Calling out his name, I smiled as he turned around, walking over, I wrapped my arms around his neck tightly as his came around my waist and I breathed out slightly, ‘’I don’t want you to go’’ I whispered to him as he nodded against me slightly.
‘’I don’t want to either but I have to’‘He told me as he pulled away a little, our eyes meeting as he smiled softly. ‘’But its only a year, I will be done with my tour, you will be finished with school’’ He smiled as I laughed softly and nodded.
‘’I know, please stay safe’’ I told him as he smiled and dipped down, lips pressing against mine softly before I pulled back away letting him go, I pushed my hand in to my pocket before pulling the slightly crumpled envelope out and held it towards him with a soft blush, ‘’I wrote a letter for you, but you can’t read it until you are in the air’’ I told him as he nodded. Watching as he took it, his thumbs running over the paper before he pushed it in to his pocket and reached up to take one of his necklaces off which held a couple of dog tags.
‘’I know I shouldn’t, but I have another set in my locker at base, but have them to remind you of me’’ he told me before he attached them around my neck and I reached up to touch the slightly warm metal from where they had been under his top.
‘’Not ever going to forget you Adam’’ I told him as I hugged him again, feeling him press a kiss to the side of my cheek, I turned my head slightly and pressed my lips against his fully before I pulled away a little later.
‘’Go before you miss the flight’’ I told him as he nodded.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then’’ He told me and I smiled softly as I felt tears in my eyes.
‘’Soon, then’’ I whispered out as he picked his bags up and turned, watching as Adam walked away before pausing to throw a glance back, I smiled softly and reached up to hold his id tags until he was out of view and I turned quickly to walk back out to Mia’s car.

Dear Adam

These past two weeks have been amazing, but now its gotten to the point where you have to leave to go back to whatever country which needs your men’s help. I know saying goodbye will be the hardest thing which I have had to do for such a long time but the pain of missing you would be worth it a hundred times over just to see your smile one last time.

You taught me a lot in the short amount of time, I don’t think I have smiled and laughed so much, people have been saying how I’ve been happier since I met you and I agree with them Adam, you make me happy all the time.
Each time today has gotten closer, I’ve felt my heart beat a little faster in my chest knowing you will be gone for a year, a year in which so many things can happen Adam, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days without your smile or laugh to get me through the day like it has the past two weeks, but believe me when I say this, I want you to stay in my life, no matter what happens, even if you come home missing body parts, I still want you here.

I don’t think I would want to live without you anymore.

The thing is Adam, you mean so much to me now and I know that it’s only been two weeks, not even that but I fell for you Adam, I fell hard and I don’t regret that. I’ve spent hours just thinking about you and it drives me crazy so before I lose the chance to say this, I want you to know that I love you Adam, I’ve falling in love and it scares me to death because I know how dangerous life is for you deployed in some country I don’t even know the name off.
But that’s the truth.

Before now, I haven’t written many letters and im sure that this doesn’t complete to anything, but I needed to tell you in a way which wouldn’t leave me hanging on to you, refusing to let you go because I know that I would miss you deeply.

So as I write this, you are in the air., flying high above the clouds, heading towards fates un known to us both while Mia drives me to the airport to say bye to you which I don’t want to do. But I do know this Adam, whenever im going to miss you of a night time, my bed feeling empty without your warmth holding me against your chest, im going to be holding my thumb up to the moon, one eye closed knowing that where ever you may be in the world, your still going to be right there in my heart with me.

So until then, keep yourself safe

Tommy.

Chapter Text

Dear Tommy

I would like you to know, that you’re not alone when you said you have fallen in love, I have too, from the first moment I laid eyes on you, I knew that you would haunt my memory, there was this look about you which I fell for and the more I got to know you the more I fell.

You’re wonderful Tommy, the most sweetest and kindest person which I have ever met and you made my leave the best thing ever, when I came home, I never expected to find someone like you when I went to the beach that day for a walk, I saw Mia jump and I watched as she landed, knowing that she had hurt herself so I decided to stop to help, im glad because it brought me to you.

We got deployed on our first mission yesterday, so im writing this to you as we travel, im not allowed to say the name of the place, even I don’t know it yet but I know that I already miss you.
Two weeks together was all it took for me to fall in love with you and now im gone for a year, but what’s a year when we spent such an amazing two weeks together, I was afraid that you wouldn’t turn up In time to say goodbye but when I heard you call my name, my heart leapt in my chest and I just wanted to drop everything and run away with you, never to return because I never wanted to leave you behind.

But I promise to see you soon, then, but from here out we should number our letters as they can turn up late,

I miss your smile too Tommy please looks after yourself too, don’t forget, and never give up on your music baby.

We aren’t allowed to say where here is as I’ve already said but let me tell you this one thing, this place makes me miss America and there isn’t a drop which makes me miss the ocean, every time I see the sea now, im going to think of you because that’s where we first met and spent most of the time together.

It’s a full moon tonight, and I know we are far but you are here as you said inside my heart. I miss you Tommy

I’ll see you soon, then

Adam

Chapter Text

Dear Adam

Letter number 7

I fall asleep most nights worried about you, the place you are and it scares me, I don’t know where you are in the world. I wait every day, visiting the office to see if another letter has arrived from you, each day I have to wait, is another moment I miss you more but I know you’re out there, fighting for our country with the boys in your troop.

Stay strong Adam, time will pass before we know it and you will be home again. I want you to promise me something Adam, promise me to tell me everything, write it all down, scribble it in to a note book, type it and email it to me, do anything, but just tell me, I want to know.

The past few weeks have been strange, I keep checking my phone to see if I had a message or missed call from you but of course there isn’t and for a moment im sad but then I remember your touch and smile and it warms me inside because I know I still have you.

I went to visit your mom on Sunday, I hope you don’t mind, it was nice to see her again, we had dinner and she told me stories of when you were little and it made me smile, I enjoyed hearing about you growing up, the things you liked and were in too, we even went for a walk along the beach arm in arm, it was beautiful Adam, the sunset, the smell, the ocean.

So until then,

Tommy

Chapter Text

Dear Tommy

Letter number 14

The good news is, that we got sent somewhere new, again I can’t say where we are but the bad news is that this place makes me miss the old one a lot, I wonder what you are doing most of the time, a promise is a promise and im going to keep that and tell you as much as I can without compromising my guys and myself.

I miss the smell of the ocean air, the feel of the sand beneath my feet as I walk, I miss your touch and the way your nose crinkles when you smile. The guys tend to tease me a lot when we are in camp at night, they like to tease with how I lay and just re read your letters over and over again, but I don’t care, it makes me feel a little closer to home and closer to you Tommy.

The nights are beautiful here, the skies are so clear, stars bright and a lot of moons, I miss you so much Tommy,  so much that it hurts but I know we can make it.

Just ten more months’ baby, that’s all we have to wait, ten more months and I will be home to hold you, to kiss you.

It’s getting late here now and we have an early start in the morning, so I should probably get some shut eye, im sorry that this letter isn’t as long baby but remember this, no matter where you are, im always going to be with you

I love you

I’ll see you soon, then

Adam

Chapter Text

Dear Adam

Letter number 33

The days seem to grow longer between each of your letters but I know that they will still come, they always do.
the summer is nearly over now and im due to go back to school but I visited family a while back, the time away from home made me itch because I couldn’t check to see if I had a letter. But bare in this in mind, the wait was worth is just to see my letterbox filled.

Sophie and Isaac is doing well, the baby is due in a few weeks and they are having a little girl, calling her Roseanna and as you know, they asked me to be a godfather, I knew that they wanted you to be one to but with you away it would be hard but they are always going to class you as family like Mia does.

I worry about you a lot Adam…im scared for you

Every waking moment is hell because you’re not here, I don’t want to wake up one day and find out that there’s been something wrong and something happened to you. I can’t lose you Adam.

I’ve been applying to different places  with my music, so far I’ve just been get rejections back and it hurts, im not going to lie to you, but im not going to give up because that isn’t something which I do, I hope you understand. I would love to open up a center one day, help kids to learn how to play the guitar or keys; you probably just think it’s a pipe dream or something.

Counting down the days until I see you again

Tommy

Chapter Text

Dear Tommy

Letter number 34

It isn’t a pipe dream, its something you want to do for your life, to help others as well as helping yourself, I say go for it, I know you would be able to do great baby, I believe in you.

I miss you too Tommy and I too count down the days and weeks until I get to hold you again, each minute lasts like a life time and I just can’t wait to spend them with you. There’s so much I want to tell you but so little words in which to do so, we lost two men a few days ago on one of our sweeps, it was a road side which went off and it caught their vehicle. They were good men, our friends and somebody’s families, each death we have reminds me why I am doing this. It makes me feel proud to wear the uniform.

This new place we are at, makes me miss some of the old places again, its so hot during the days and cold at night, I can’t see the stars and rarely see the moon now but I know its still there like I know you are there still inside my heart.

Sometimes when its late at night and I can’t sleep, I think about you Tommy, the way you look when your laid out in the bed, covers tangled around your waist and on your stomach, face pressed against the pillows as you dream, eyes moving slightly under your lids but otherwise peaceful. You looked beautiful at those times and im sure you still do now, I just wish I was there to see you, to watch you sleeping. Its great t hear about Sophie and Isaac, be sure to send them my love and baby Roseanna when she is born, for im sure by the time this letter reaches you, there is a chance that she already has
You will make a Godfather Tommy, and I would’ve loved to be one too if not for being deployed over here, not knowing where im going to be day in and day out. But I do know this, that little girl is always going to be lucky to have a person like you in her life baby, you can make anyone’s day a lot brighter.

I watch the other men sometimes when they get their letters and parcels through the post, the way they smile as they read or write a letter back and it makes me wonder if they look at me the same or if you smile and stare at the paper as if it was a life line.  
Often, I think back to those two weeks we first spent together, re-reading your first letter to me, its getting a little old now, the folds of the paper starting to wear thin from the amount of times I have read it, but I know that im always going to cherish that letter Tommy, because it means a lot to me like you do.

As always, I’ll see you soon, then

Adam

Chapter Text

‘’Son relax, he will be here soon’’ Eber told me as I paced a little outside the gates, my eyes scanning the crowds as they walked through and went through check to meet loved ones or went the other way to go get their flights, heart tight in my chest as I thought about seeing Adam again, the year had been both long and quick and now I couldn’t believe that he was finally coming home again.
‘’I know, but what if he missed his flight?’’ I asked as I brought my hand up and started to chew on my thumb slightly, over the time which Adam had been gone, I had gotten close to both of his parents and younger brother, I treated them like my own family as they did me.
‘’He wouldn’t off, he would be on the military plane’’ Leila said as I turned to look at her with a soft smile as she walked closer to me and placed her hands on my wrist and lightly pulled it away from my mouth.
‘’She’s right Tommy’’ Eber said as I breathed out deeply.
‘’I just want to see him’’ I whispered as they both laughed and Leila pulled me in to a hug. ‘’It’s not fair they won’t let me through to greet him at the actual doors’’ I muttered out to Leila who laughed and rubbed my back.
‘’It’s their job to keep trouble makers like you out the way’’ Leila teased me as I laughed softly and nodded as I looked down and then back up again.

Stepping away again, I walked the few steps to where Eber was sat and sat down again, my bag being pulled in to my lap before I grabbed the bottle of water from in there and took a few mouthfuls before pushing the cap back on tightly, my eyes falling over the different guitar picks which littered the bottom of my bag with a slight smile as Adam’s words from our time together and the letters flooded through my mind before I pushed the bottle back inside and stood again, my bag taking my seat as I breathed deeply and walked closer to where the board was with the flight details, seeing Adam’s plane come up under the military name, I grinned slightly, hand coming back up to my mouth again before I turned and walked over towards  where Leila was stood still.
‘’The plane is landing’’ I told her excitedly as she laughed and touched my shoulder gently.
‘’That’s great honey’’ She told me as I grinned and bounced on my heels a little, eyes locked on the gates up ahead before I felt a hand on my arm softly. ‘’Your making me nervous now Tommy’’ Leila told me and I smiled sheepishly at her.
‘’Sorry, I just really want to see him again’’ I admitted to her as she smiled and petted my arm softly.
‘’You really love him don’t you?’’ She asked as I blushed a little and nodded.
‘’I know two weeks weren’t a long time but I fell hard and fast for Adam and when they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder, I believe them because since he left, I haven’t done anything but miss him more and more and fall in love a little bit more each time I got his letter through the post’’ I told her as she laughed.
‘’Good, and breathe a little honey.’’ Laughing softly I nodded and rested my head against her shoulder softly as she wrapped her arm around my waist lightly.

Waiting seemed to take forever before I glanced at the board to see the word arriving change to arrived and unboarding, standing up straighter again, I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself a little.

Glancing through the glass divide which parted the security checks and the arrives, I noticed a few shades of different greens and browns merged together with blacks, the clear signs of army uniforms and my heart started to race quicker as I moved my eyes to the owner’s face just to see that it wasn’t Adam, breathing out, I moved slightly away from where I was stood and closer to the barriers before I noticed the same smile I had fallen in love with, Adam’s eyes on another guy in uniform as he nodded and said something before he grabbed his bags and started to walk through.
‘’Adam’’ I called out as I turned and ran around the barriers before ducking under the others, ‘’Adam’’ I called again as he turned and smiled widely towards me as I laughed slightly and ran closer to him before in to his arms, his own arms hugging me tightly to his body as I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist and he turned slightly, pulling away, I looked down at him and ran my fingers through his hair. ‘’Im glad your home, missed you so much’’ I whispered to him before pressing my lips against his as he set me back on my feet gently and broke the kiss a few seconds later.
‘’I love you’’ He whispered to me, ‘’I’ve been wanting to say that to you forever’’ He whispered again as I laughed softly and hugged him again, my heart crashing against my chest still as he hugged me tightly, ignoring all the people staring at us with smiles and other looks, I was happy to have him back, I never wanted to let him go again.

Feeling him pull away slowly, I looked up at him as I took his hand in mine and grabbed one of his bags as he picked the other up and I started to pull him towards the entrance where the guards where and I blushed slightly as they looked at me with a smile and shook their heads a little before I pulled Adam over towards his parents.
‘’Oh Adam’’ Leila spoke out as I let his hand go and he hugged his mom and Eber handed me my bag as he walked over, slipping it over my shoulders, I wrapped my arms around my body and smiled towards them all as they said their hellos and welcomes back to each other.
‘’we will see you at home, Tommy is going to drive you as we have to get some things before hand’’ Eber told Adam as he raised an eyebrow towards me before he nodded and kissed them both goodbye and turned back to me again as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and brought me closer.
‘’You learnt how to drive?’’ Adam asked me and I grinned softly before nodding,
‘’I had to do something so I wasn’t sulking at home or at Mia’s for missing you all the time’’ I admitted which caused him to laugh softly, the sound warming me fully before I leant up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips again. ‘’Come on, lets get you out of this place’’ I told him in a whisper as he nodded.

In the car and heading back towards Adam’s parents home, I couldn’t help but to reach over and softly touch his jaw before I moved my hand down and rested it on his knee softly as I drove, glancing over at him, I held his eyes for as long as I could before turning back to the road again.
Feeling his fingers against my cheek, I tilted my head in to his touch slightly before he curled them and slipped his hand around on to the back of my neck, thumb brushing over the part of skin behind my ear lightly.
‘’I missed your smile’’ Adam said softly as I glanced at him again, ‘’and your voice and laugh.’’ Grinning to myself slightly, we let silence fall between us for a while as I kept driving, the constant feeling of his thumb and fingers rubbing over my skin on my neck, keeping Adam’s warmth close as I glanced over at him again/
‘’I’ve missed you too by the way, even know I have already told you that’’ I told him with a soft smile as he moved his hand away and I turned on to his parents street, a soft laugh leaving his lips as he nodded. Turning up in to a drive way, I turned the engine off before turning to look at him with a smile. ‘’Come on, lets get you inside solider’’ I winked before I quickly climbed out the car before Adam had chance to grab me again as he moved forward.

Letting myself in to his parents house, I shrugged my jacket off slightly and hooked it up on the wall with the others before I toed my boots off and turned slightly as Adam came through the door and closed it softly behind him, his bags dropping down.
‘’Since when did you have a key and made yourself so at home?’’ He teased as I shrugged softly and walked in to the kitchen, Adam’s heavy booted feet following before arms wrapped around my waist and hot breath was felt on my neck. Biting my lip, I leaned back in to Adam and moved my hands up over his as he brushed kisses over my skin.
‘’Your mom gave me a key when they went away for the weekend and asked me to house sit, if you don’t mind, I slept in your room and your mom treats me like another son so its pretty simple to relax when im here and act like I was at home myself’’ I told Adam softly as I felt him smile against my neck and nod.
‘’Adorable that’s what you are’’ He whispered as I laughed softly and slowly worked my way out his hold, turning slightly I bit my lip and moved my hands up to his jaw as I stared back at him. ‘’What’’
‘’Nothing…I…I just can’t believe you are home’’ I whispered as he smiled and stepped closer to me, my hands falling from his face softly to land on his shoulders,
‘’Is there any way in which I can help to make you believe sir?’’ Adam asked, his voice low and steady as I swallowed a little and looked over his face, it looked like that he had lost some weight but not too much,
‘’You could always kis-‘’I started to say before Adam stole my words away as he pressed his lips against mine deeply, a hand coming up to cup around my throat as he pushed me back and stepped with me until my back his against the counters and I held on to him tightly as I kissed him back, my hands gripping his uniform as his worked their way up under my shirt to press flat against my back.

Finding myself suddenly being picked up and sat on the counter top, I wrapped my arms around Adam’s neck tightly as my legs went around his waist and I pulled him closer to me, our lips clashing and teeth biting before I pulled away slightly and breathed out deeply as I ran a hand through his hair and rested my forehead against his, eyes still closed.
‘’God you’re so beautiful’’ Adam whispered to me as I laughed softly and opened my eyes to stare back in to his bright blue ones.
‘’Never leave me again’’ I whispered to him before pressing my lips back to his again and let my hands trail down the front of his uniform where I started to tug at it, groaning slightly I pulled away from his lips and looked down at it as he chuckled. ‘’So not funny, im wanting to get to skin of my boyfriend and this stupid uniform is like a high end all forced security prison, impossible to penetrate and to break out’’ I muttered as Adam brought his hands up and laid them over mine.
‘’As much as I would love to get undressed with you, I don’t think my parents would be happy if they walked in to see us stripping each other in their kitchen when they are cooking lunch’’ He whispered and I frowned up at him.
‘’I hate it when you’re right’’ I muttered as he laughed and pecked my lips before helping me down to my feet again just as the front door opened.
‘’Boy’s we’re back’’ Leila’s voice called out and I glanced at Adam to see him smirking before he leaned down and pressed his lips back against mine again before pulling away slowly.
‘’I love you’’ He whispered as I smiled and bit my lip slightly,
‘’I love you too’’ I whispered back, the same warmth running through my body as I snuggled in under his arm as his parents came through,
‘’Oh there you are boy’s’’ Leila grinned as she walked over and placed a few bags on the counter. ‘’I had to tell Eber that you would be behaving and not be locked upstairs in that room of yours’’ She winked towards us as I felt my cheeks warm up slightly as I curled in to Adam’s side more and held on to him tightly.

.o0o.

‘’Leila, that was amazing once again’’ I laughed softly, ‘’you really are going to have to give Mia the recipe, she is still going on to me about it’’ I told her as I stood and smiled softly as I started to pick the dishes up and take them towards the sink.
‘’How is that crazy girl anyway, haven’t seen her over in a while’’ She spoke out and I nodded softly,
‘’She’s great actually, just been busy with work and spending time with her dad now that he is back from the tour’’ I spoke out as I dried my hands off and walked back over to the table again.
‘’And what about the little nipper’’ Eber asked and I grinned softly as I sat back down beside Adam again, his arm folding over my shoulders,
‘’little nipper?’’ Adam asked confused and I laughed softly as I looked at him.
‘’Roseanna’’ I said as he nodded as he realized. ‘’But she’s fine, running Sophie and Isaac around already, they’ve actually taking her up to see Sophie’s parents at the moment, the have been meaning to do so before the little one was born but of course she was a week and half early so they had to cancel their trip up until everything was sorted’’ I told Eber as he nodded and smiled.
‘’I need to meet her’’ Adam laughed out softly and I turned to look up at him with a smile,
‘’They get back next week, oh everyone wants us to meet up for coffee with them in a few hours, if that’s okay with you’’ I quickly said as I got up again and cleared the rest of the dishes in to the sink and started to wash them.

‘’Baby, you don’t have to do that you know’’ Adam said softly to me as his arms wrapped around my waist and I chuckled softly before shrugging,
‘’I want too, plus it’s kinder gotten in to a habit now when im here momma Lambert cooks and I clean’’ I said with a small smile as I glanced over my shoulder at him and pecked his cheek, ‘’No go change in to some lighter clothes Adam, im sure you want a shower too after that flight’’ I said as he nodded and sighed heavily.
‘’Don’t wanna leave you’’ He mumbled as I turned back with a soft blush,
‘’Still going to be here Adam, I mean we don’t have to meet the others if you are too tired’’ I told him as he squeezed me softly and shook his head.
‘’No It would be nice to see them all again, who knows, we might even bump in to Luke again’’ He whispered in to my ear as he kissed my jaw and let me go. ‘’Im going to go shower like you said, be back soon if im not back in five, send back up’’ He winked and I laughed softly before watching him as he watched out the door and headed upstairs, a soft smile on my lips before I turned back to finish cleaning the lunch dishes up and started to dry them up.

‘’Honey, me and your father is going out to go see your brother, have a good time okay’’ Leila spoke out and I turned slightly from where I had been watching out the window to see Adam walking in to the living with a smile as he nodded softly and returned his mothers hug.
‘’I will do, I have Tommy with me again’’ He smiled before I felt my cheeks flush softly as I stood up and hugged Leila back before walking over to Adam and wrapped my arms around his waist, the fresh ‘just out the shower’ smell still strong as his arm came around me and pulled me in to his chest softly before his lips pressed a kiss to the top of my head which caused me to smile and blush a little more.

‘’Bye boys’’ Eber chuckled as he left with Leila and the house went silent, breathing out deeply, I lifted my head slightly to see Adam already staring at me with caring eyes which made me blush brightly before h laughed softly and slipped his hand along my jaw and tilted my head up again as I tried to duck away.
‘’Have I told you how adorable you look when you blush?’’ He asked and I bit my lip slightly before shrugging as he grinned and leaned down, ‘’well you do’’ He teased before brushing his lips over mine.
‘’Should…’’ I mumbled, ‘’Like…’’  Biting at Adam’s lower lip, I smiled slightly as his arms wrapped around me, ‘’Go…meet’’ I mumbled as I kissed him again, ‘’the…others’’

Chapter Text

He looked beautiful…more than beautiful in the sunlight which flooded the room, basking it in a soft warmth, I couldn’t actually find the right words to describe how Tommy looked laid out on the bed, his eyes closed and a lazy smile on his face as I traced my fingertips over his back slowly, letting them glide over every little bump in his spine before I leant down and pressed a tender kiss to his shoulder as his eyes fluttered open and he turned slightly, his brown eyes staring in to mine as his hand came up to cup my cheek, turning in to the touch slightly, I turned and pressed a kiss to his palm before turning back to look at him again, my hand coming up to cover his with a smile, I knew that he had been worried about me and I had been worried about him myself, his eyes were wide and emotions on show to the world as I leant down and softly brushed my lips over his again before resting my forehead against his with a soft smile.
‘’I love you’’ He whispered as his arm folded around my neck softly, fingers running up in to my hair as I breathed out, a weight on my shoulders along with a nagging feeling in the back of my mind which I tried to push away.
‘’I love you too baby’’ I whispered back as I lowered back down on to the bed and he curled in to my side, head resting on my chest as my arm went around his waist and softly stroked my fingers over his side.

The peace which had fallen around the room was nice as I let my eyes slip close, my whole attention and focus was on Tommy as he shifted, lips pressing a kiss against my chest before a shrill noise rang out from the floor and I jumped quickly as Tommy’s hands pressed on my chest softly as he looked at me.
‘’It’s okay, it’s just my phone’’ He whispered and I nodded softly as I layed back again with a heavy breath, my body still on alert for anything from the war zone. Shaking my thoughts away, I turned and watched as Tommy moved and leant over my legs to reach for his discarded jeans which laid crumpled on the floor, his fingers pulling his phone out before he pressed it to his ear.
‘’Lo?’’ He muttered out with a yawn before he chuckled softly and moved back, his shoulder pressing in to my side as I wrapped my arm around his chest softly. ‘’what coffee? Oh yeah…sorry we got a little side tracked’’ Tommy spoke out and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly before I yelped as he bit my arm.
‘’God I didn’t survive a tour just to be killed off by a kitty biting me’’ I laughed out as a blush crept up Tommy’s cheeks, leaning down I pressed a kiss to the top of his head before I started to move, sitting up, I felt my dog tags drop back down and around and I stared down at them slightly, fingertips touching against the warm metal lightly before I glanced over at Tommy to see him with a smile on his face.
Breathing out, I picked my boxers up off the floor and slipped them on again before I climbed out of bed as Tommy laughed.
‘’Dave wants to know if we would still like to meet up with everyone for coffee if we aren’t too busy in the bedroom, he won’t believe that we have already been here since your parents left’’ Tommy said and I laughed before leaning over and pecked his lips as I took the phone from him.
‘’We will meet,  just give us half an hour’’ I told Dave before handed the phone back and winked at Tommy again as I walked over to where my jeans were across the room and started to slide them on as Tommy finished his phone call and I felt arms slip around my waist again.
‘’Love you solider’’ Tommy whispered against my skin which he littered with kisses before I turned slightly, arms wrapping around him as I smiled.
‘’I love you too Tommy, so much’’ I whispered as I slipped my hand up on to his neck and let my thumb brush over his jaw softly. ‘’you really don’t know how much your letters got me through the weeks’’ I admitted as I rested my forehead against his and breathed in softly. ‘’go get dressed, your friends are waiting for us’’ I chuckled as he nodded.
‘’I know, your letters kept me going too’’ He smiled before he turned and walked over to where he clothes were, watching him as he started to get dress again, I couldn’t help but feel happy with being able to touch and kiss him again.

Forty five minutes later, we found ourselves walking up the sidewalk and in to the coffee store where we were meeting everyone, their heads turning to look towards us as I held the door open for Tommy before taking his hand again as we walked over towards where they were sat around a large table.
‘’Adam’’ Turning, I noticed Mia rush over quickly and I laughed softly as I quickly let Tommy’s hand go and returned the hug which she threw at me, ‘’It’s amazing to finally see you again and im so glad your back home, means I won’t be on the receiving end of Tommy mopping around because he misses you’’ She laughed out and I glanced towards him to see him blushing brightly as he said hello to someone else.
‘’Don’t worry about that Mia’’ I told her with a wink as she laughed and sat back down again as Tommy walked back over, wrapping my arm back around his shoulders again as he leaned in to my side, I couldn’t help but smile at the others.
‘’I agree with Mia, it’s good to see you home safe Adam’’ Someone spoke out and I glanced towards who I remember was Dave and gave a slight nod.
‘’Im just glad to see Tommy in person again’’ I told him before I noticed the way he looked at me, eyebrow raised slightly and I swallowed deeply before he nodded.

‘’So Adam, tell us…’’ Looking up from where I sipped at my coffee to look towards someone I wasn’t sure who it was, I gave a slight nod towards them to know that they could carry on, ‘’what is it like to be in the army and gay? I mean there’s got to be at least a few guys who don’t like that fact?’’ They asked and I nodded slightly,
‘’That is true, there is some old fashion army officers who don’t like it, they are mainly the older guys but im pretty lucky with my boy’s, we look after each other when we are out on sweeps, almost like a family…we have each other’s back and our sexuality doesn’t matter within the group, we are fighting for our country and that is what we concentrate on.’’ I told them as they smiled towards me.
‘’That’s good to hear, sometimes you hear all these stories from the army about bashings-‘’
‘’my boy’s wouldn’t do that, we have a zero tolerance on any kind of harassment or abuse within the unit, we are a family, a team and if it wasn’t for each other, not everyone would be returning on their feet’’ I said before I sipped at my drink again.
‘’Excuse me, dear’’ Hearing a soft voice from behind me, I turned to see a little old lady looking at me with a smile, ‘’my husband and I couldn’t help over hear your conversation, you’re in the army?’’ She said as an older man walked over with a younger man as well and I nodded with a smile.
‘’Yes m’am that is correct’’ I told her as they smiled,
‘’what you are doing for our country is wonderful son, have you just finished a tour?’’ the older man said and I smiled softly with a nod,
‘’Yes sir, I have’’ I told him.
‘’But the war is far then over, before you know it they won’t be asking you to enlist for another, they would be telling you’’ The younger man said and I swallowed slightly.
‘’My men don’t need to be asked sir, they are more than willing to enlist again for their country’’ I said before I noticed Tommy pause as he came closer, his eyes wide with confusing as he looked towards me and I swallowed slightly.
‘’What’s going on?’’ He asked as he walked over slowly and sat back down next to me as my hand moved to his,
‘’We were just talking about the army and tours and how they will be telling them to enlist again and not ask’’ The younger man said again and Tommy turned to look at me.
‘’Is this true? You are going to enlist again?’’ He asked and I swallowed slightly as I looked back at him,
‘’We’ve been asked, this weekend pass was for us to think about it’’ I told him, his hand going tense in mine as he swallowed and shook his head slightly, ‘’Tommy’’ I whispered before he shook his head and pulled his hand out of mine, watching as he walked away quickly and out the coffee shop, I breathed out slightly before I felt a hand on my arm and I looked up to see the old lady looking at me with a sad smile.
‘’Just talk to him dear, he will understand’’ She told me and I smiled softly,
‘’Thank you m’am, I will do just that, excuse me’’ I told her softly as she nodded, standing up, I grabbed my jacket and pulled it on again as I walked around them and out of the shop before I walked over to where Tommy was pacing, his thumb between his lips again as his head snapped up at the sound of my approaching footsteps.

‘’Baby…’’ I started before he snapped and shook his head slightly,
‘’Don’t baby me Adam…how long…fuck’’ He groaned out, hands running through his hair as he breathed out and went back to pacing again, ‘’when were you going to tell me that you weren’t back for good?...hell were you even going to?’’
‘’I was…I…I waiting for the right moment Tommy, please believe me’’ He asked and I took a step closer before he retreated a step and shook his head.
‘’You lied to me Adam, you told me you were coming home that everything was going to be okay…you fucking lied to me’’ He croaked out, tears fresh in his eyes as I swallowed and looked down slightly in shame.
‘’I know and im sorry, I just didn’t know how to tell you’’ I whispered as I looked back up,
‘’Are…are you going to enlist again?’’ He asked and I breathed out slightly,
‘’The boys-‘’
‘’No…Im asking you Adam, I want to know are YOU going to enlist again, not your troop, you god damn it’’ He spoke out, his breath hitching slightly with the tears in his eyes.
‘’I don’t know, probably’’ I whispered out as a tear finally slipped out his eye and rolled down his cheek.
‘’How long?’’ He asked and I swallowed slightly as I stepped closer again, his brown doe eyes meeting mine,
‘’Two years’’ I whispered again as a sob broke free from his chest and he brought a hand up to quickly scrub at his eyes,
‘’When do you leave?’’ He asked and I let a deep breath out,
‘’Sunday’’ I told him  as he nodded and rubbed at his eyes again before fresh tears filled them just as quick again, stepping closer to him, I let my hands run up his arms before gripping tighter as he tried to push away from me, ‘’im sorry baby’’ I told him softly as he kept struggling before finally collapsing against my chest as I wrapped my arms around him tightly, a hand moving up to cup the back of his head as I pressed a kiss to the side and squeezed my eyes shut, ‘’Im so sorry Tommy’’ I whispered in to his ear as he held on to me tightly, sobs racking his body slightly as his face soaked tears in to the shoulder of my jacket.

I knew that he was hurting from the information, hell I was hurting on the inside too, I didn’t want to leave him behind again, not for another two years when I had just spent a year apart from him, but I knew that my men needed me just as much as well and I knew that they wouldn’t be told to enlist, that they would do it off their own free will, I was their leader and I had to be there for them, to protect them as they would protect me. Holding Tommy tighter to me, I breathed out a little and let my eyes open as I pressed another kiss to the side of his head.
‘’Let’s go home baby’’ I whispered as he nodded slightly but didn’t move from where he was stood buried in to my body, glancing back towards the window of the coffee shop, I noticed the group watching us before Dave nodded and I watched as he picked Tommy’s things up before he said something Mia and headed towards the door with her, turning back to Tommy again, I soothed my hands over his back before pushing him away slightly, my hands moving up to his face to wipe under his eyes as he stared at me with pained eyes.
‘’Please don’t go’’ he whispered and I felt my heart breaking slightly at the hurt in his voice.
‘’I have to baby, im sorry’’ I whispered, fresh tears returning to his eyes before I pulled him closer again, the door of the coffee shop setting a soft chime off before footsteps appeared and I turned my head to see Dave and Mia walking towards us. ‘’do you think one of you would be able to dry Tommy’s car back for us? I don’t think either one of us is in a safe state too’’ I said softly as they nodded.
‘’Sure thing, I was going to drop Mia home anyway’’ Dave said before I softly pulled Tommy’s car keys out his pocket and handed them over before I lead Tommy towards the car, our arms still around each other before Dave had the car unlocked and I pulled Tommy off long enough to get him in to the back seats before I slipped in and shut the door again and raised my arm for Tommy to scoot closer and tuck himself back in to my side again.

The drive back home was silent as I pressed tender kisses to the top of Tommy’s head and slipped my fingers through his hair as he held on to me tightly, I felt angry with myself for never telling him before hand about the weekend pass and angry with myself with the way he had found out. I wanted to do nothing but quit and just curl up with Tommy under a blanket and hold him close to me, to protect him from every horrible thing in the world and just escape so it was just me and him alone, to wrap him up in my arms and give him every single little thing which he wanted in life, I wanted to be there for everything, for every little up and down he had but I knew myself that I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t be there for everything he would go through and most of all, I hated myself for hurting him.

‘’Here you go guy’s’’ Dave spoke out as he pulled up outside Tommy’s place, ‘’you going to be okay on your own from here?’’ He asked and I nodded softly as he flashed a soft smile towards me, ‘’alright just call one of us when or if you need anything’’ He said and I nodded softly before helping Tommy out the car, taking the keys from the others as they got out too, I locked it up before giving them both a hug and a kiss to Mia’s cheek as she looked at us before hugging Tommy tightly.
Saying goodbye and getting Tommy inside the apartment, I softly shut the door before taking his hand and walked him towards his bedroom before inside. ‘’Get undressed baby and under the covers’’ I told him softly as I pressed a soft kiss to his forehead again as I headed back out the room.

Walking in to the kitchen, I started to slowly shrug out my jacket as soft movements came from the bedroom and I glanced back as I dropped my jacket down on to the kitchen table and turned back again, walking over to the fridge, I pulled it open and looked over it before I pulled out two bottles of water and pushed it closed again, I knew that I couldn’t make Tommy’s pain just go away with a click of my fingers but I knew that I was going to try and help sooth it away as much as I could and as much as he would let me.
Walking back towards the bedroom, I paused in the hallway just long enough to toe my boots off before I paused in the doorway of Tommy’s room to see him curled up under the cover’s, his back facing the doorway as I walked in and settled the bottles down on the bedside unit before I undressed to my boxers and slipped in under the covers behind him, my arm wrapping around his waist before he turned and buried his face in to my neck again, his body tight to mine as I held him, silent sobs slowly running through his body again as I pressed soft kisses to the top of his head, my eyes closing as I wished I could make everything change, I wanted my happy and smiling Tommy back, I wanted to hear him laugh again.

.o0o.Tommy.o0o.

Nothing could ease the pain as Adam walked out the room again, the emotions and feelings which ran through me made me feel like I was a teenage girl, crying over her crush not liking her, breathing out and trying to push past the stabbing feeling in my heart, I started to slowly get undressed like Adam had told me to do before I pulled my covers back and slipped in under them, the coldness of my sheets a shock before it quickly faded away with the numbness I was feeling.
I wasn’t sure how long I had been laid there with my back to the bedroom door, just staring at the wall before I felt the bed dip and then the warmth of Adam’s body in behind me as his arm came around my waist, turning in to his body, I buried my face in to his neck and wrapped my arms around him tightly as I felt my tears start to fall again. I didn’t want him to ever leave me again but I knew that he had to, that it was his job and that it was there before I had ever shown up in the picture of Adam’s life but I hated change and I hated knowing that I only had him home for one more day before he had to fly back out to his base again before being sent off to some strange foreign land which put him in danger and further away from me again.

‘’I love you Tommy’’ Adam’s voice was low in my ear as he whispered, emotions running through his words deeply as his hands kept stroking over my side and back.
‘’Please don’t go back’’ I whispered out to him as I shifted slightly and turned, my hand moving up over his chest so I could feel his heart beat, ‘’Stay here with me forever, in this bed where its safe’’ I whispered as his arms tightened and I felt him kiss the top of my head again.
‘’Tommy-’’
‘’No’’ I whimpered out slightly as I turned to look up at him before I moved in the bed and straddled his waist, ‘’just…just pretend please’’ I whispered to him as I slowly lifted my eyes up to look at him, the soft shine of tears were fresh in his eyes as he swallowed and nodded slightly. Feeling his hands cup my jaw, I slowly leaned down and let my lips press against his lightly, sliding my fingers through his hair, I let my body lower to his before Adam softly moved and pressed me back against the bed again, his body covering mine like the blanket before he slowly pulled away and looked down at me, his fingers lightly touching against my jaw before he pushed the hair out my eyes with a soft breath.
‘’You’re beautiful’’ He whispered and I swallowed slightly,
‘’Adam’’
‘’Baby you are, your so beautiful that the darkest of nights with all their stars couldn’t out shine you’’ He whispered and I felt tears swallow my eyes up again.
‘’Please don’t Adam’’ I whispered to him, my eyes lowering away before I felt his finger lifting my chin up again.
‘’Baby please believe me’’ He whispered back, his hand moving down to the side of my neck, ‘’let me love you while I can’’
‘’don’t make it sound like that’’ I told him as he frowned softly,
‘’Like what Tommy’’ Adam asked as he lowered down again, his body still half over mine, legs tangled together as he kissed my shoulder.
‘’Like you’re saying goodbye to me’’ I whispered brokenly to him, throat sore from the silent sobs which had left my body.

Hearing Adam huff slightly, I looked up at him as he ran his fingers through my hair, ‘’Not going to ever say goodbye to you Tommy, I could never walk away’’ He told me as I swallowed,
‘’Promise me’’
‘’I promise never to walk away from you Tommy, I love you’’ Adam told me, his touch soft against my skin as I nodded and shifted under his body slightly until there wasn’t a breath of space left between us.
‘’I love you too Adam, so god damn much’’ I whispered back as he smiled and leaned closer, lips brushing over my temple as we curled up together and let the silence fall for a while until I heard Adam’s breathing even out as he fell asleep.

‘’Tommy are you home’’ Moving slightly as I heard moms voice, I curled tighter in to Adam again before footsteps echoed on the wooden hallway going room to room, letting my eyes linger on Adam’s sleeping face again, I noticed the way his eyes would flutter under his lids as if he was dreaming or if he was trying to keep part of himself awake inside…on alert for anything. ‘’Im sorry honey’’ moms voices spoke out softly as I lifted my head to look towards the door to see her staring at Adam.
‘’Its okay mom really’’ I told her as her eyes shifted to me and she got that look mothers got when they knew there was something wrong with their children.
‘’I’ll be in the lounge with coffee’’ She said before I nodded gently and laid down again to watch Adam sleep for a little longer, breathing softly, I slowly unwrapped myself from his body and warmth before I lifted myself up from the bed where I pulled some jeans on and Adam’s shirt.

Walking in to the hallway, I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair as I slowly pulled my bedroom door shut and headed towards the lounge where sure enough I could smell freshly made coffee. Turning in to the room, I looked up at mom before she turned,
‘’Oh sweetie’’ She sighed before I walked over in to her open arms which folded around me in a tight hug as another set of tears fell which I didn’t think I could, ‘’my sweet little boy’’ Mom whispered in to my ear softly as her hands stroked my back before pulling away, her hand cupping my chin softly before she wiped the tears away, ‘’now what is with these tears, you should be happy’’ she told me as I breathed out a little.
‘’He isn’t staying mom’’ I whispered to her as I tried to keep some of the tears back, ‘’his captains asked them to enlist again if they wanted. All his men are and Adam said that he can’t leave them behind’’ Swallowing deeply I let her pull me in to another hug before being pulled down on to the couch where I curled up in to her side as her fingers stroked through my hair lightly.
‘’How long will he be gone for?’’ She asked as her fingers softly brushed a strand of hair of my cheek.
‘’Two years…mom he’s going to be gone for two years. I don’t want him to go, im scared he’s going to get hurt out there’’ I cried out slightly, ‘’I can’t lose him mom’’ I sobbed before letting her fingers sooth over my back as I curled up tightly against her, my head buried in to her stomach slightly as she held me like she used to do when I was a child and got hurt or was upset.
‘’It will be okay baby, everything will be just okay Tommy’’ She whispered out to me as my body still shook but felt my eyes starting to grow heavy. ‘’I promise’’ she whispered.

Chapter Text

There was a soft warmth wrapped around me as I stirred slightly, the feeling of the couch itching at my bare arms as I remembered everything which had happened earlier, the memories coming flooding back.
‘’Mom’’ I called out slightly as I turned over on to my back and rubbed at my eyes slightly as footsteps came in to the room along with the smell of coffee.
‘’She had to go but didn’t want to wake you’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I sat up, the blanket pooling around my waist before I turned towards him to find him standing in the space between the lounge and the kitchen, hair messy from where he had been sleeping a little.
‘’Oh’’ I let escape before I sat up a little more and turned to drop my feet down on to the floor as Adam walked over and sat down beside me softly, the cup in his hand being held out towards me as I looked up at him with a small smile.
‘’Thanks’’ I whispered softly as I took it and leaned up to kiss his cheek, meeting his lips instead, I pulled away slightly and looked at him as he stared back, eyes searching over my face before he reached up and lightly brushed his fingertips over my cheek.
Looking away, I leaned forward and placed the cup down on to the coffee table before sitting back again and took his hand in mine as I stood and started to lead him back to my bedroom where once there I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips back to his softly as he softly moved his hands to my hips, fingers sliding around under my top as he pulled me closer to him.

.o0o.

Curling closer to Adam’s body, I sighed in content as I felt his arm move up and around my shoulders as I rested against his bare side, my head on his chest as I breathed out softly, his fingertips stroking over my damp skin.
‘’I love you’’ He whispered to me as I turned slightly, my leg sliding back between his thighs again as I looked up at him with a soft smile.
‘’I know you do and I love you back’’ I told him before laughing softly as he quickly rolled us over so he was laid over me again, his large frame felt hot against my skin as I wrapped my arms back around his neck and sighed happily.
‘’I’ll come back to you’’ He whispered against my skin as he pressed soft kisses to my arm and slowly trailed his lips down over my shoulder as I nodded and let my fingers slide through his hair.

Staying silent as Adam slowly kissed over my skin, I bit my lip hard against his soft touch which contrasted against the warmth of his dog tags which was around both of his necks, a constant reminder that his home coming wasn’t forever.
Sighing I ran my hand down the back of his neck and over his back as he kept kissing down my chest, his breath tickling my skin as he got lower until I felt it ghost over my groin again, breathing out slightly as I let my fingertips dig in to his back before dragging them up to his shoulders again as I arched up in to his touch and let my eyes slide shut as my fingers came up and tangled in to his hair.

Breathing deeply as Adam moved back over me, I bit my lip slightly and arched up again as I let my head fall back, hands gripping his shoulders before I felt his lips pressed against my neck as he moved closer to mw slowly, feeling him kiss up to my lips, I kissed him back again as he finally laid still against me and I wrapped my arms around his neck tighter as he pulled away and buried his face in to my own neck again. Squeezing my eyes closed as I felt tears come to them again, I held him close to me as his hands lightly rubbed over my sides soothingly again as he pulled back to look down at me, hand moving up to move my hair out my face before I opened my eyes to look back, a tear escaping as he swallowed and leaned down to kiss it away again before he started to slowly move his hips back before pressing in again, our foreheads together as I stared back in to his oceanic colored eyes which was glazed over with his own unshed tears before our lips pressed together in a slow kiss.

.o0o.

Watching as Tommy slept, I could see the stress in his body as he layed out on his stomach, hands clutching around the pillow. I knew that he wanted me back, to stay longer and not go out on another tour but I knew that I couldn’t leave my boys behind on their own when they needed me there to lead and to protect them out in the field.
Sighing to myself deeply, I rolled on to my back and stared up at the ceiling as I brought my arms  up under my head, the movement making Tommy stir slightly before he rolled over, his hand moving up to rest over my heart as I smiled softly towards him, his face calm as some tension left his face.
Covering his hand with mine, I curled my fingers around his as I closed my eyes slowly against the room which was slowly starting to grow darker as the afternoon started to turn in to evening.

‘’Don’t leave me’’ Hearing Tommy’s light grumbles a while later, I opened my eyes again and looked towards him to see that his eyes was still closed as his fingers suddenly tightened around mine, ‘’come back please, I need you’’ He grumbled again before a tear slipped down over his cheek and I realized that he was still asleep and dreaming, turning on to my side carefully to keep his hand in mine, I reached up and wiped his tear away with my other. ‘’I love you’’ He whimpered again as I curled my fingers around to the back of his neck and moved closer as his body shifted again and he cuddled closer in to me, pulling the covers around the both of us more, I wrapped him up in my arms as I felt myself starting to fall asleep.
‘’I love you too Tommy’’ I whispered to him before sleep washed over me.

‘’Fuck’’ I muttered as another bang echoed through the apartment, glancing down at Tommy to see that he was still sleeping, I carefully moved myself out from under him and climbed out of bed before finding a pair of boxers on the floor and tugged them on as I stumbled through the darkness and out in to the hallway as I yawned and rubbed my hand across my eyes again.
‘’Well hello soldier’’ Yawning again as I winched at the brightness of the hallway outside Tommy’s apartment, I looked towards Mia before smiling slightly, her eyes running over me again before I rolled my own and pulled the door open a little more.
‘’Tommy’s still sleeping’’ I told her as I  stepped back again,
‘’Damn it’’ She muttered as she walked in before a few more footsteps echoed and I looked up to see Luke and Dave walk in to the apartment, eyes looking towards me before I noticed Luke’s eyes slowly move over me.
‘’Nice to see you again Adam’’ He said and I gave a slight nod before I pushed the door closed.
Yawning to myself as I pushed the door closed, I moved back to the bedroom and peered through the darkness before I noticed a pair of sweat pants on the floor and picked them up, sliding them over my legs, I walked back over to the bed and smiled down at Tommy to see him laying in the spot I was in. leaning down, I pressed my lips to the top of his head and pulled the covers up over him more before I turned and snagged a top off the floor as I walked back out in to the lounge again as I tugged it on.
‘’Why are you here anyway?’’ I asked as I yawned and let myself drop down on to the armchair,
‘’We did come to see if you boys wanted to go out for drinks tonight…but I see you had other plans’’ Mia teased as I shook my head slightly,
‘’Honestly we were both sleeping Mia, he’s still upset’’ I told her as she frowned before walking over and pushed her way in to the chair beside me,
‘’He will forgive you, you know that’’ She said softly as she trailed her fingers through my hair and I shrugged slightly as I looked at her.
‘’Forgive him for what?’’ Luke’s voice rang out,
‘’But out of it Luke’’ Both me and Mia said at the same time as we turned to look towards him.

‘’Adam…’’ Tommy’s voice sounded out, laced with sleep still as I turned to see him walking in to the lounge, his hips barley holding up the pair of board shorts which he had on, the sheet form the bed wrapped around him slightly as I softly moved Mia off my lap and walked over to him as he rubbed his eyes.
‘’Right here baby’’ I whispered to him softly as I ran my fingers through his hair before his arms wrapped around my neck tightly and I held him close to my body.
‘’Thought you left me’’ He whispered in to my neck before I sighed and rubbed my hand over his back.
‘’Baby’’ I whispered softly in to his ear, ‘’Mia, Dave….and Luke is here’’ I told him softly as he froze a little and pulled away slightly, his arms falling slightly before nodding, watching as he walked back in to the bedroom, I sighed to myself and ran my hand through my hair slightly before I walked back to the armchair and dropped down again.
‘’He will’’ Mia told me before he walked back over to the couch and dropped down next to Dave who curled his arm around her shoulders and I raised an eyebrow slightly as she blushed and grinned softly.

Looking back up as Tommy came back in, I smiled softly as he walked over and kissed Mia’s cheek before he walked over to the kitchen and vanished for a few minutes and returned moments later with a cup in his hands before he walked over and moved on to my lap, his side pressed in to my chest as I wrapped my arms around him tightly and kissed his shoulder.
‘’I love you’’ I whispered in to his ear as he turned to look at me, his eyes searching mine before a slight smile flicked the corner of his lips up and he curled in to me more.
‘’Why are you guys here?’’ Tommy asked as he looked towards Mia and Dave again, his eyes scanning over Luke before he smiled back at Mia again,
‘’Came to see if you lovely boys wanted to go out for drinks, but your gorgeous boyfriend here answered the door in nothing but boxers and tried telling us they you were both sleeping’’ Mia spoke and I chuckled softly as I noticed Tommy roll his eyes.
‘’First, we were sleeping, but your voice woke me up when you told Luke to but out of it’’ He yawned out before taking a sip of his drink, ‘’and two, what time is it anyway?’’ He asked as I trailed my hand up under his top and rested it against his lower back.
‘’It’s half 10 baby and fine I believe you were sleeping just because you look a mess and you have the whole ‘I’ve just had sex and slept most of the day away’ look on your face’’ She said and I looked up at her at the same time as Tommy as he blushed but looked a little off,
‘’Oh Tommy, you act like that’s a bad thing’’ Luke chuckled before I glanced towards him, ‘’its just sex’’
‘’Well your boyfriend isn’t the one leaving again for another tour is he….so its not just sex thank you very much Luke and I would like it if you removed yourself from my apartment’’ Tommy snapped towards him before he got up, coffee cup left on the table again before he stormed off to the bedroom again and I sighed as I rubbed my forehead.
‘’Jerk’’ Mia told him before she reached out and hit him across the back of his head before standing,
‘’what did I do?’’ He gasped,
‘’What…dude you just basically told Tommy that he should go have sex with anyone right in front of his boyfriend’’ Dave said as they both glanced towards me before back again. ‘’the boyfriend who he is upset over because he’s got another tour, get a heart dude’’ Dave told him before he stood along with Mia,
‘’Now I suggest that you leave like he said’’ Mia added.
‘’Fine…fine’’ Luke muttered before he got up and left the apartment.
‘’And Adam please be careful out there, Tommy needs you just as much as we need you here’’ Mia told me as I stood and nodded.
‘’I know’’ I told her softly before walking closer and hugged her back just as tightly, ‘’im not going to let him feel alone’’ I told her softly as she pulled away and smiled at me.
‘’I know, we are going to go now, just call us when you need to go back to the airport because I know he wont be able to drive’’ She said quietly as I nodded and kissed her cheek.
‘’Thank you’’ I told her as Dave opened the apartment door again.
‘’You don’t need to thank me Adam, just keep my boy happy’’ She told me as I smiled and nodded.
‘’I will do my best ma’am’’ Watching as she grinned and moved forward, I hugged her quickly again before I watched them leave.

Closing the door behind them, I flicked the lock across with a sigh as I turned and headed back in to the bedroom again, standing in the doorway, I looked towards the bed in the darkness to see Tommy curled up tightly under the covers as a small sniff broke through to my hearing.
‘’Baby’’ I whispered softly as I walked over and climbed back in to the bed, ‘’ignore what he said, he was just being an asshole’’ I told him softly as I pulled the covers back over me and wrapped my arm around his waist.
‘’Yeah I know’’ He sighed before he moved and rubbed at his eyes slightly. ‘’but he still thinks he has a chance with me and it fucks me off’’ He told me and I chuckled as Tommy turned over to face me.
‘’We are going to get through his baby, I promise you that’’ I whispered softly as he smiled and moved closer to me.
‘’Good because I need you in my life Adam’’ He told me and I nodded softly,
‘’I know Tommy, I need you in my life too, you’re my lucky charm’’ I whispered through the darkness as he laughed. Holding him closer to me, I softly pressed my lips back against his before I kissed the top of his head again. ‘’we will be just fine.’’

.o0o.

‘’Don’t forget to keep writing to me’’ I whispered to him as he breathed out and nodded with a smile,
‘’I wouldn’t dream of forgetting baby, you get me through each day’’ Adam told me as I nodded, ‘’remember, anytime you miss me Tommy, im right in here’’ He told me as his fingertips touched my chest over my heart and I swallowed back a small sob as tears moved to my eyes.
‘’I’ll remember, and the moon we are always together no mw far apart we are’’ I told him in a small voice as he nodded and stepped closer, his forehead touching against mine as I wrapped my arms around him tightly.
‘’Im going to miss seeing your smile’’ Adam whispered as I swallowed and closed my eyes as tears flooded them again.
‘’Im just going to miss you altogether’’ I whispered before he hugged me fully, letting him hold me tightly in his embrace, I held him back, my finger gripping the back of his uniform hard before I felt him pull away slightly as his lips brushed my cheek as another tear fell.
‘’Don’t cry for me Tommy, this isn’t a goodbye, never is going to be a goodbye you understand, im going to come home to you, im going to be fine, you’re my lucky charm remember’’ Adam whispered as I nodded again, his thumbs coming up to wipe under my eyes and clear them away as he smiled at me.

‘’Son its time to go’’ Hearing someone speak, we both turned to see an older man in uniform before Adam nodded.
‘’Yes sir, will be right there’’ Adam spoke out, the respect clear in his voice as the officer gave a slight nod and turned away again as Adam turned back to me. ‘’I love you’’ He told me as his forehead rested back against mine, one of his hands cupping the back of my neck as I held his other in mine tightly and held on to his waist with the other.
‘’I love you too’’ I whispered as I closed the gap between us and pressed my lips back against his deeply and pulled him against me as he kissed back. ‘’please come back to me safely Adam’’ I whispered against his lips as he pulled away.
‘’I promise’’ He told me as I reluctantly let my hands slide down his arms and then finally away from his body as he picked his bags up, ‘’I’ll see you soon, then’’ He told me before leaning in and brushed his lips over mine once more before pulling away again.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then’’ I whispered back to him as a soft hand touched my arm and I turned to see Mia stood there,  stepping back, I smiled weakly as Mia quickly hugged Adam and kissed his cheek.
‘’Stay safe soldier’’ She told him as he nodded.
‘’Look after my Tommy’’ He told Mia and I blushed slightly as she laughed and nodded.

Watching him walking away again, I felt my heart break slightly more knowing that it was going to be a long time until I saw him again, I knew that it would be hard and I hoped to god that my letter would explain how I felt once he found it in his bag, I just wanted to let him know that I didn’t hate him but that it had just hurt knowing he had kept something important like this away from me for a while, leaning in to Mia’s hug, I wrapped my arms around her waist tightly and looked away before I looked back up again.
Breathing out slightly, I frowned as I noticed someone know in to Adam, his wallet and passport falling from his hand before he knelt to pick it up again, fingers hovering over something before he picked it up and slowly stood, seeing him turn to look at me, I quickly brushed a stray tear away as he smiled and mouthed that he loved me.
‘’I love you too Adam’’ I whispered to myself as he turned away and walked through the gates and out of my sight, my tears stinging my eyes slightly as Mia tightened her hold around my frame.
‘’He will be back before you know it Tommy’’ She told me as I hiccupped slightly and nodded, hands going to my eyes as I pressed the heel of them against my eyes.
‘’Can we leave, I don’t want to stand here any longer knowing he’s not walking back through that gate’’ I whispered softly, not trusting my voice to be any louder.
‘’Of course honey’’ She told me as we turned and I swallowed slightly.

‘’Tommy’’ Hearing my name being shouted, I pulled out of Mia’s hold and turned to see Adam running back through and I quickly moved back towards him before his arms wrapped around me and he pressed his lips back against mine again.
‘’I couldn’t leave with just mouthing it Tommy I have to say I love you’’ He breathed out, ‘’I love you so much’’ He told me as I let a broken laugh out.
‘’I love you too Adam’’ I whispered back before stealing one more kiss as he pulled away and brought his hands up, watching as he tugged his ring off, I breathed out slightly as he placed it in the palm of my hand and wrapped my fingers around it tightly.
‘’I want you to have it, I don’t want you to ever feel alone’’ He told me and I nodded softly with a smile.
‘’Please go Adam before I drag you back to Mia’s car’’ I whispered as he chuckled softly and kissed me once more before he stepped back a few paces.
‘’Look for me in the stars tonight and I will be with you’’ Adam told me as I wrapped my arms around my body and nodded.
‘’I will’’ I whispered out.
Watching him leave again, I turned back to see Mia smiling towards me as I blushed and wiped my tears away again before sliding Adam’s ring in to my pocket, I knew that it would be too big for my fingers but I knew that I had a chain at home which I could put it on and wear it around my neck, neck to the dog tags which I had of Adam’s.
‘’Come on you, lets get going before you decide to run through’’ She laughed as her hand moved around my shoulders as I curled in to her side before throwing a glance back towards the gate, ‘’I was joking Tommy, god I would kill you if you did that’’ She told me and I couldn’t help but laugh as she squeezed me.

Walking out of the airport, I looked up at the sky as a large rumble went through it before I felt a droplet of rain fall and hit against my cheek.
‘’Looks like California is even sad that Adam’s leaving’’ Mia said and I looked over at her with a small smile before she held her hand out to me and I took it in mine softly before we headed back to where her car was parked up.
‘’Just 24 more months to go until he’s home’’ I whispered out to myself as we climbed in to the car and Mia started it up.
‘’What was that?’’ She asked and I looked over at her with a shrug.
‘’It was nothing’’ I told her as she looked at me before nodding and turned back as she pulled out the parking lot.

Pushing my hand in to my pocket, I let my fingers curl around Adam’s ring again as I rested my head against the cold glass, eyes turning to look at the dark and grey skies as the heavens rained for my pain and misery.

Chapter Text

Dear Tommy

Letter #1

The moment I left you and walked through those gates, I knew I had done the wrong thing by only mouthing those words to you. I knew I had to say them one more time before left, had to feel your lips against mine again to burn thee touch in to my memory, the way you look…your taste.

I told the officer that I had left something behind. I was so worried that you would’ve already of left and be gone but when I saw you just turning with Mia, I couldn’t help but shout your name and kiss you.
Some of the other guys laughed and gave out cat calls when I walked back through for the second time as they had seen what I done but I don’t care Tommy, I would do the same thing all over again and a thousand times over it if meant that I got to touch your soft skin again, to kiss those pouty lips until we both had to breath.

As I write this letter to you, we are flying somewhere over America right now, after looking out the window, my guesses are that its somewhere over the coast as I can see the ocean a lot, probably around Miami now as we have been air born for a few hours.
We had just missed the storm which pulled in to California before it turned too bad for it to ground the flight, in a way I wish it had because then it would’ve meant that I would’ve had another night to spend with my love, my heart, my life, with you.
I found your letter baby and im sorry that I made you feel that way, I didn’t think for the right reasons and waiting to tell you had been the wrong choice, I know that now, but when I saw you running towards me in the airport the other day when I got home, it made me want to just keep a smile on that beautiful face for longer, I didn’t want to see it sad.
I didn’t mean to hurt you on purpose I just thought I could make sure you were truly happy for a while before I broke the news of the new tour.
The way you found out was wrong, and I can understand the way you felt, it broke my own heart to see you cry like that Tommy; I just wanted to kiss away every single tear which fell from those brown eyes of yours.
Those night were we laid together in silence and in the darkness let me do a lot of thinking baby and I know that it was the life I wanted, I wanted to feel your skin next to mine, warm with us cuddling together, I want to be able to lay there and watch you sleep, wondering what you are dreaming about,whether its about me or your dreams. I want to kiss away every painful memory you have, kiss every tear to leave your eyes. I want towrite down every word you say just so that when morning comes I can see that everything said in that twilight hour was true.

But again as I promised last time, I will write everything down and send it to you, but I want you to do the same, I want to know what’s going on in your life baby, I want to know everything, what you wore that day, what you ate, your thoughts, your dreams even your nightmares. Tell me about the weather, the latest gossip with people; tell me about things on the news, talk to me about my family and your own, I want to know EVERYTHING even down to the boring details because it makes me feel closer to home and closer to you.

Keep up with the music Tommy, that song you played for me last night was beautiful and I can see you getting far with it, so keep your dreams open baby because the world is a large place, treat it as your playground, you are the king and you can decorate it to your wishes, expand it as much as you want and tweak it until it almost snaps under all the awesome things you do to it.

And tell Mia that I love her okay, she’s a good person baby and I want you to go to her whenever you are sad, don’t suffer alone please and tell her to hold on to Dave, he seems a nice guy, she’s done good there.

Im going to stop here for a while baby, going to try and sleep like the other guys, we have a long flight ahead of us of nothing to do and im sure that the time I arrive on base in Europe, I will be able to recite your letter word for word.
The world seems empty without you by my side but I know we can make it through baby, we are strong and I know that every second we are apart, every day, hour and minute is another which I miss you more and more, but its only 24 months baby, 24 months and then I will be home, I promise.

I love you Tommy, my lucky charm, my life.

I’ll see you soon, then

Adam.

Chapter Text

Dear Adam

Letter #5

I have some news…great news; I got my first gig in a few days time! Its in this club which often have a lot of life music, I think we went to it in those first two weeks together back in the summer before your first tour.
Well Isaac got the gig for me because he’s the drummer of  this band who’s lead guitarist and singer is ill and they need it but yeah he asked me and im so excited Adam, I really am, I have a new song which I wrote and we are going to play it…can you believe that! They are going to play a song I wrote!

I also died my hair too, I got bored of  the blonde…I shouldn’t tell you the new color because you would laugh at me but im too excited not to tell you and I promised I would tell you everything, but its pink! I wanted red but we brought the wrong dye…well Mia brought the wrong dye but I didn’t give a shit and just done it, I get a lot of strange looks, mostly from older people but others just smile and have a little laugh when I smile back and make some sort of comment about my own color. It eases people’s minds too that im not some sort of freak or something stupid like that.

I miss you like crazy and it’s only been two months,

I’ve been thinking about moving somewhere new, so been having a look but nothing has good enough at the moment, so I guess im staying in my apartment for longer, but don’t worry, if I did move I will make sure to tell you so I don’t miss out on your letters!

I’ve made some new friends too Adam, can you believe that, the freaky little sod I call myself has made new friends, well could thank Dave really because I was with him at the time when we went out for a drink, a couple of guys and some girls, they all seem pretty friendly so that’s pretty awesome, I like nice people.

I wish I could call you, I miss the sound of your voice, I found those photos in my wallet, you know the ones we took in that photo booth on our first date after you accused me of cheating at air hockey because I kept smiling at you, which by the way I so did not cheat.
But I found them tucked in behind my health insurance card, I was cleaning my wallet out because I got a new one and I found them face to face and actually looked at it for the first time and I couldn’t stop smiling so much, please don’t tell anyone that I admitted this but I actually cried because it made me miss you more and more, just seeing your smile and the way you was looking at me in one of them was so surreal, I miss that night, when we laid out on the beach, under the stars talking, it was magical and sometimes since finding those photos I head out to the same dunes and just lay there staring up at the sky and whenever there’s a full moon, I’ve always got my hand up and one eye closed knowing that somewhere in the world you were there still, next to me.
What’s it like in the place you are at the moment? Are you allowed to tell me?
What do you miss the most?

Your mom told me to tell you that she said hello, I went to see her again a few days ago, she seems to be doing really well…I think there might be a new man…im not sure why but she had this really big smile on her face when she saw me and I commented on her hair because she had had it cut and she laughed and blushed and then hugged me tightly that I almost couldn’t breathe.
We talked a lot about what life was doing for the both of us, we talked a lot about you, I thought I had heard all the stories of your childhood but I guess I was wrong, I love listening to your mom talk about you and your brother, it makes me feel closer to you again and your family. Well your mom has gone away for a few days with the girls…even Mia went along with her, so im writing this letter from the comfort of your bed…which by the way is a total mess as it was really hot last night so I only have a thin sheet covering me and nothing else on…wait am I even allowed to write that in a letter to you? Oh well I have now and im not starting again, screw them.

So talk to me Adam, tell me what’s going on in your life at the moment the best you can, I miss hearing your little stories which you think off.  I even miss the gossip you tell me of the boys in the troop and their little adventures which they get up too and often in trouble for with you.
Has Edward chatted up any more women in whatever place you are in? I couldn’t stop laughing when I first read about that, and you say he has a girlfriend back home here in the states…but I guess it’s just chatting them up and not cheating, I guess he would get lonely without his family too, we all do on both sides of the world.

I love you

Come home safe to me Adam
I’ll see you soon, then.

Love Tommy

p.s. Roseanna wanted to give Uncle Adam a picture, so you should hopefully find a photo of her and Uncle Tommy in here too.

Chapter Text

Dear Tommy

Letter #6

Its great to hear about your gig with Isaac, I hoped it was everything you was expecting and then even more again baby, music is your servants in the playground of your kingdom, I know you can do really well and congratulations on the song baby, I hope I will be able to hear it someday, music means a lot to us out here, it helps us to remember things from home and it keeps us sane on the days when there’s nothing to do or at night, it helps us to often sleep through the noise of the fighting which is still going on, even miles away it seems pretty loud.

I got the photo, thank you baby, it made me smile and I can honestly say I love the color of your hair, it suits you really well Tommy, and Roseanna is looking beautiful, more like her mom everyday it seems, tell Sophie that I said hello too.
Im glad to hear about mom, she deserves to meet someone knew, she hasn’t dated since her and dad divorced I think, im not sure, it’s hard to keep track of things when you aren’t home.

It sounds like everything at home is keeping well for you, im glad to hear everything and I hope that the stories which mom told you weren’t too embarrassing for me because I know of some which would make me blush to the grave.
I miss you too baby, so much.

I remember that night, it was the night I realized that I was falling in love with you.
You did cheat baby because your smile is distracting and you kept smiling and pulling those little faces you make when you try to concentrate on something, you don’t realize you do it and its cute, I found mine too, the day I left to come back to base, when I was knocked in to and I dropped my things, they fell out. So it looks like we both forgot that they were in there but didn’t we say that we would only look at them when the time was right and I guess that both of the times were right for them to appear after so long.
I keep one of them in my wallet still but the other one is always with me, in the pocket above my heart in my uniform, it’s the one of both of us looking at each other with a smile, I have my hand on your jaw, I think it was taken just before we kissed so you must have that photo as my other is us goofing around, your lips against my cheek. Some of the guys have seen the photos and they teased me for a while before they thought it was cute, they think your cute too baby, but I warned them that you are mine and mine only, they laughed.

Christ baby, you shouldn’t right things like that to me, it makes me miss the feel of your body against mine so much, I miss touching your soft skin even kissing it. So knowing you were naked beneath my bed sheets have left me with a few vivid images and a few dreams which have left me missing home a lot.

This place where I am at the moment makes me miss the last one a lot, its quite loud sometimes and then other times its quiet, almost too quiet for mine and the guys liking, but there’s a lot more shade and its close to the ocean, so we can often smell the sea air when it blows towards our camp,
The stars are always bright at night, I often lay in my bunk just watching them when I can’t sleep and think about you and all our friends back home in the states. And Edward, no he hasn’t chatted up any more women while we have been in the new place thankfully we have managed to keep him away for most of our stay so far.
We lost two more men three days ago from the time I wrote this letter, so it will be longer once it gets to you, but they were good guys, in a way its shaken me up more because their sweep was the one I should’ve been on but one of them swapped with me because I was feeling pretty bad, some bad food or something and I had been throwing up constantly, but im much better now, but it still alarms me that I was close to it being me when they were attacked.
It was like fate was trying to keep me from going by given me food poisoning because I was the only one with it out of the whole troop who ate the same food as me.

I love you too baby, with all my heart and life.

I’ll be home before you know it
until then,

Love Adam.

Chapter Text

Dear Adam

Letter # 15

It’s been 8 months since you left me again for the tour, 8 months of getting in to an empty, cold bed at night, 8 months of wishing that I had your arms around me, holding me tight at night when I’ve missed you the most, life has felt empty, I see couples walking around hand in hand, smiles on their faces, the love in their eyes when they kiss each other or talk of their plans.
I often sit and watch Mia with Dave, their love has grown so much in the time you have been gone, even Roseanna is growing up so beautifully.

I miss you Adam, so much that words really can’t describe the emotions I feel, most days I walk along the beach, just staring out at the ocean, reminding myself of those first two weeks we ever spent together, I sit there and watch the sun set on each day and often watches it raise on a brand new day.
There’s this sense of calm about the area really, the time stuck between the twilight and new dawn, it’s beautiful, its helped write some new music, Isaac’s glad because of it, I’ve had more gigs with him and his band, their singer ended up quitting with the guitar player so I’ve been filling for them both for a while now, its good, pays well and im looking at a new apartment across town, already had one viewing of a place but it wasn’t that nice, well it was, the ocean view was beautiful but it reminded me of you too much, made me think of your touch, your smiled, your laugh.
I miss you Adam
I want you home.

I still wear your dog tags around my neck with your ring on the same chain, it’s a constant reminder of you, and the love I have in my heart.
Sometimes I wonder if life is worth the waiting, my dreams are nothing but failed memories which hasn’t gotten me anywhere with what I wanted to do. I hate it so much, I roll over at night and just stare at our photos on my bedside unit or I stare out the windows, I haven’t seen the stars in a few nights, another storm hit California and its done nothing but rain so I’ve been working on new songs. I added a small cd in with the letter, I hope it gets to you okay, I want you to hear what I have, and you’ve always believed in me and my music.

So tonight as I write this letter to you, I watch the rain fall against the window panes, the sounds of it filling the apartment, (I have a leak in the kitchen) Dave said he would come over tomorrow and fix it for me if the rain stops long enough.
Im hoping it will, I promised Sophie that I would take Roseanna and Isaac of her hands for a few hours so she could have some momma time to herself.
I hope you are okay wherever you may be tonight, I don’t want harm to come to you.
I met some new people again recently, I think they call it the support group for partners and family in the forces or some shit like that, I had a phone call of one of the women, apparently you put me down as a contact number so it was given to the other families, thank you.
The first coffee meeting was a little awkward for a while, I was the only guy there and I kept getting these strange stares of the coffee server every time she came over and other people, but I think she might of overheard part of our conversation because she mentioned about her brother and the navy, good to say the stares stopped from her and I told the girls about you a little and I quickly got comfortable with them and I showed them one of our photos and told them how we met, to say they were all smiling by the time I had finished telling them our story, I think I even teared up a little when I talked about how I missed you so much. They are a crazy bunch of girls, the best part was they never judged me for anything I said or did or even the way I looked.

Just 16 more months left Adam, we’ve nearly hit half way, and I can’t wait until you’re home.
I want to wrap myself up in your arms and never let you leave again, I just want to spend the first three months hidden away under the covers relearning your touch…your body…the sounds you make when I kiss over your skin slowly in exploration.
I miss waking up to you already watching me while I slept and you didn’t, I always loved your eyes, the color of the ocean and sky on the brightest days, the color of love. That was the first thing I noticed about you that day on the beach when you helped Mia and helped me get away from Luke, he still tries things on with me, but not as much anymore, I think the others have pushed him away a little and he’s finally got the message that I’ve never wanted to be with him.

God I wish you were here

I miss you so much that my heart aches whenever I hear your name get mentioned, I turn at the sound hoping…just hoping that its you standing there and not some other person named Adam.

Tommy

P.s I love you

Chapter Text

Dear Tommy

Letter number #16

The days are long where we currently are, the sun don’t set until later at night, its strange being a world away from what I know best, from the bedside of you, I often watch the stars and think of you too, think of what you are doing or how many gigs you could be playing while I sit here drawing patterns in the sky with the stars when they shine brightly.

I know its been almost a month since I last wrote, at least two weeks since I received your letter with the others in the mail bag, each one brings me hope that im going to be alright.
We lost some more of the guys over the past month, a few to different road side bombs which were hidden too well, one to a suicide bomber, I know I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but each time something happens and I walk away breathing, I can’t help but feel relieved that it wasn’t me, I don’t know what I would do if I got hurt and couldn’t come back to you.

It makes me smile knowing that you still wear my things so close to your heart, I still keep one of our photos in my breast pocket behind my plate, a save place and closer to my heart so I can always have you close, but it worries me Tommy that you aren’t sleeping, I hope you can change that, I don’t want you getting sick now because of it.

I hope Dave managed to fix that leak for your kitchen baby.

Im glad you have contact with the other guys family and loved ones, its always good to have a support system in place and I know things can get tough, trust me baby its going to be okay, I’ve met a few of them myself from time to time when we have been deployed home for a weekend of rest, they are a nice bunch, crazy but I know you will fit right in with them, so there isn’t anything to worry about there.

I got your cd baby, it was beautiful and every track sounds amazing on it, you should send it in to different record companies Tommy, really you should, I know you can make it big in the music industry, I just wish I could be home there with you, holding your hand as we open reply letters from each company to see them saying that they want you because I know you are going to go far Tommy. I believe in you.

The nights are so peaceful here, peaceful but absolutely cold, all you can hear is the howl of the winds and a few wild animals every so often if you are lucky, but most of it there’s not a lot of fighting when it happens, its hot here too,  someday I feel like im going to pass out from the heat because it gets so bad but we break every hour on a trek to have a drink and to rest for twenty minutes before moving on again to the next place which we need to be at.

I can’t wait to be home, I miss your touch too Tommy, I just miss laying there with you and tracing my fingers over your tattoos while you give me that stupid but adorable little smile which you only share with me, I love it so much , even when you blush when you let those small giggles out when I’ve found a spot on your body which is ticklish to the touch, I miss teasing you and making you beg for me to do anything because you feel like you are going to die if I don’t do anything.

I miss you so much too Tommy,

I love you will all my heart.

I’ll see you soon, then.

Adam.

Chapter Text

Dear Adam

It’s been nearly three months since I last picked up a pen to write to you,
and I know it’s been too long
to be honest, I’ve been staring at this paper for long, please forgive me for what im about to say and note that this is the hardest thing, I’ve ever had to say.

My life isn’t worth living when I don’t have you by my side, as I write this to you, I can feel my heart tearing out from my chest with the pain in which this letter carries with it, I want to say that it would get better with time but its time in which is tearing me apart Adam.
I want you to know that it isn’t anything to do with you, god no! I just can’t live my life not knowing if im ever going to receive another letter in the mail from you, if im ever going to see your smile or hear your words whispered in to my ear.

I wish I didn’t have to do this through a letter and that it didn’t have to be like this, but my life isn’t worth anything without you in it and it pains me so much. I want you to know that im doing this for the better of us, im giving you the freedom to have a better life without me in it.

I have a confession to make Adam, back before I started to write this letter, when I was just staring at the blank page trying to find the words to write many months ago, I met someone while out one night, I never meant for anything to happen between us at the time but it did, and it grew in to more.

I wish I was stronger than this but im not.

Im sorry Adam

Goodbye

Tommy

Chapter Text

*3 years and 8 months later*

.o0o. Adam .o0o.

‘’Hold up’’ I called out as we turned to see a male running out from between a few buildings, feeling the truck come to a standstill, I pulled the gun around from my sides and in to my hands as we moved towards him, ‘’sir I don’t understand you, you need to slow down’’ I told him as he carried on speaking and waving his arms around, every so often pointing towards the way he had come from. ‘’Slow down sir’’ I yelled out towards the male who had come running out from a group of abandoned buildings, his voice yelling before I shook my head and turned to look towards my men, ‘’will one of you translate…Edwards you know the langue what is he saying?’’ I called out as he came over, gun moving to his side as he pulled the man away and tried to calm him down long enough to understand.
‘’Sergeant, I can’t translate, he’s speaking in a tongue I don’t know’’ Edwards called back as I turned and shook my head slightly, the heat of the midday sun was strong as it beat down on us in the uniforms and all the gear which we were carrying as well as in the trucks.
‘’Fuck this, someone needs to find out what he’s saying’’ I spoke out as I pulled the gun around in to my hands and started to walk towards the buildings.
‘’Sir, wait for back up…Sergeant Lambert’’ Ignoring the shouts of my men, I slowly worked my way around the buildings, my eyes scanning the ground for any explosives before inched forward.
Hearing quick footsteps behind me, I paused and spun around before letting a small breath out as I realized it was a few of my team,
‘’Alright, listen to me, Edwards and Jones, that way’’ I spoke out quietly as I moved my hand in one direction, their heads nodding before they moved quick and low, ‘’Danny you come with me’’ I told him as he nodded, turning back, I crouched slightly before running across the open space and dropped down behind a half wall before I waved Danny across, my eyes open for any signs as he ran and dropped down beside me.

Listening to the silence for a few moments, I  moved at the same time as Danny moved on to his knees to pull the small map out his pocket before fire ran out and I watched as his body jerked backwards.
‘’Shots fired, man down…I repeat, shots fired, man down’’ I spoke quickly in to the radio attached to my uniform as I turned and looked up towards where they came from, firing back, I watched as the others shoot before the man moved, turning, I grabbed Danny’s uniform and dragged him in to cover before I checked him over. ‘’you lucky son of a bitch’’ I laughed out as I stood and he sat up, his hand moving up to remove the bullet from his breast plate pocket as he grinned up at me.
‘’That’s me all over serge, never loved a piece of clothing more in my entire life I swear’’ He grinned out, hearing shots being fired again, I watched as Danny’s face fell slightly, a curse falling from his lips before he raised his gun and fired back as I felt my body fall to my knees as a fever ran through it, moments later I felt hands pulling me in to cover as voices yelled out.

Feeling darkness start to creep in to my vision with each struggled breath, I couldn’t help but think of Tommy…the way his face always lit up when he smiled and the way his hair looked golden in the sunlight as his warm chocolate eyes sparkled, I knew I was still in love with him.
‘‘Serge stay with me’’ Hearing a voice yell before pressure was pushed against my shoulder, I slowly blinked my eyes open as my thoughts and memories of Tommy slipped away and was replaced by the sound of gunfire and people yelling ‘’come on stay awake Adam, keep your eyes on mine and stay awake’’ Struggling slightly, I let my eyes move up to see Danny speaking in to his own radio.

*3 years and 9 months later*

.o0o. Tommy .o0o.

‘’Hello is this Mr. Tommy Ratliff?’’ Frowning on the phone, I paused, guitar in hand from where I was starting to put it away.
‘’Yeah it is, may I ask whose calling’’ I spoke out as I turned and leant back against my desk,
‘’Hi, im Dr. Miller, im the consultant at the Royal oak hospital’’ The guy spoke and I felt myself freeze as he carried on talking, ‘’im calling you as your name was down on the forms of people to contact in case of accidents and emergency’s’’ He spoke out as I swallowed.
‘’Oh right… may I ask who it is, anyone I know at the moment hasn’t gone to hospital’’ I spoke in to the phone as I bit at my lip.
‘’Sorry, yes its one Adam Lambert, his family has been notified of his condition and your name was the last one on the list’’ The doctor told me and I felt myself slowly slide down in to the chair as I breathed out slightly, ‘’Mr. Ratliff, are you okay’’
‘’What…yeah…yes, im sorry, that…this is just a shock to me…I…I haven’t spoken to him in three years…wait…he was deployed with the army, why is he back in California?’’ I asked as my heart started to crash against my chest.
‘’You haven’t been informed by doctors from Germany?’’ Hearing him sigh on the other end, I swallowed slightly as the sound of things being tapped echoed, ‘’Sergeant Lambert was on a sweep of his tour when his troop got ambushed, he received a few gun wounds to his upper chest’’ The doctor told me.
‘’Can I go see him?’’ I asked slowly as I tried to work everything out in my mind.
‘’Of course you can as you are down on his contact information, you have the rights to visit while he is recovering’’ He told me as I nodded to myself and let my eyes close. ‘’when you arrive, just ask for me and I will inform you about anything you want to know about’’
‘’Thank you, I will be there as soon as I can’’ I told him before we hanged up.

Sitting back in the chair, I couldn’t help but feel the tears come to my eyes quickly as I thought about Adam, it had been three years since I had sent him the last letter and heard from him, I often wondered what went though his mind when he read it and if he ever thought about writing back as I never got anything back from him.
It had been his mom Leila who had told me about the new tour which he had signed up for and I knew somewhere inside the back of my mind that it was because of me that he didn’t want to come home again anytime soon, I couldn’t blame him myself, I would do the same thing.
Deep down inside, I was still surprised at how well Leila had taken the news when I had told her about Harvey and breaking up with Adam, she still treated me like part of the family like always and still demanded that I went around every so often still to see her like I often did. I was also surprised that Adam still had my name as a number down on the contact form for him before it dawned on me that he would’ve had to of gotten in contact with his mom at some point to get my new number.
‘’Tommy, honeys are you ready yet?’’ Hearing Sutan’s voice, I slowly raised my eyes and turned towards the doorway as he walked through to see him pause, eyes wide before he came rushing over and grabbed my wrists, long fingers moving to push my sleeves up before he sighed.
‘’Im fine’’ I told him softly,
‘’Tell me the truth Tommy, you look about ready to cry’’ He told me as I took a sharp breath in again.
‘’Just got a phone call,’’ I whispered softly, ‘’it was a doctor from the Royal Oak hospital’’ I told him as he frowned.
‘’But isn’t that the hospital for military and army personal?’’ He asked before gasping slightly, ‘’that Adam boy you told me about when we first met?’’ He asked as I slowly nodded.
‘’He…he got shot…he’s back home here now’’ I told him,
‘’is he…you know?’’ Sutan whispered and I shook my head slightly and let a small laugh out as I wiped my eyes,
‘’No he isn’t, but I don’t know how bad it is, the doctor just said that he received gunshot wounds to his upper chest’’ I told him as I looked back up again, ‘’what do I do Sut…we haven’t spoke in three years and he still had my contact information which he got my new number and had it on his forms along with his family’s’’
‘’you have to go see him honey’’ Sutan spoke out before he moved and pulled the guitar away from me which I had forgotten I was still holding, watching as he pushed it back in to its case and slipped it on to the desk, I let him pull me to my feet before out the room and towards the kitchen.
‘’Sutan I can’t, I have this gig tonight’’ I told him before he shook his head.
‘’I’ll call them, tell them that you can’t do it because you have had a family emergency which needs you to be there…don’t worry darling, I’ll drive you there and will pick you up the moment you want to come home again’’
‘’I…I want to go see Mia on my own first Sutan’’ I whispered softly as he turned to look at me, a small smile on his face as he nodded.
‘’Sure honey, I’ll drive you over and wait out in the car for you until you are ready to go there’’ He told me as we headed back through the house and out to the car.

About half an hour later, we were pulling in to her drive way where I breathed out and started to get out the car, knowing full well that Sutan would wait for me, heading up and letting myself inside, I breathed out a little before I turned in to the lounge to see Mia reading before she looked towards me as I felt the tears start to fall after holding them back for so long.
‘’Tommy…what is it?’’ She asked as she got to her feet and headed over,
‘’Im scared Mia… im scared he isn’t going to make it and its all my fault’’ I sobbed out to her as I felt her arms wrap around me in to a hug which I returned as I buried my face in to her shoulder.
‘’Tommy…baby what’s wrong…what are you talking about?’’ She asked as she pushed me away slightly.
‘’Adam…he’s…he’s back home in the hospital…he…he got shot’’ I breathed out as her hands moved up and wiped my tears away, ‘’its my fault Mia’’ I whispered to her, ‘’if I never broke up with him, he wouldn’t of enlisted for another tour and he wouldn’t of got hurt’’
‘’Hey now…Tommy it isn’t your fault okay’’ She told me as I shook my head slightly. ‘’No Tommy, listen to me okay’’ She told me before pulling me towards the couch where we both sat down and she held my hands tightly. ‘’I know deep down inside you still love Adam baby and you blame yourself, but the truth is Adam might of wanted to go on, sure he might have been pushed with your break up but Tommy…Tommy listen to me, he is a fighter and he will come through’’ She told me as I shook my head, my eyes filling with more tears before she pulled me in to a hug. ‘’go see him baby, it will make you feel better’’ She told me as I nodded against her neck slightly,
‘’I don’t know what I would do if he died Mia’’ I whispered as she smiled and I sat up a little, my hands scrubbing at my eyes,
‘’Im sure he will be fine, he’s a fighter Tommy, like I said, now go and see him okay and if you want to come back here after you are always welcomed too instead of being alone up in that big old house of yours’’ She laughed as I gave a weak smile and nodded.
‘’I love you’’ I told her with a tight hug before we parted and she walked to the door with me,
‘’Love you too baby, and tell Sutan I said hi’’ she said before waving towards the car,
‘’I will, I promise’’ I told her before kissing her cheek and headed towards the car again and slipped inside,
‘’everything okay?’’ Sutan asked and I nodded as I wiped my eyes again and pulled my seat belt on.
‘’Yeah, Mia says hello’’ I told him as he waved towards her and started to pull out the drive again and turned on to the roads before hitting the highway a few minutes later.

‘’Tommy’’ Smiling slightly as Leila answered the phone; I glanced towards Sutan as he drove before I looked back out the window again.
‘’Hey, can I ask you something?’’ I spoke out softly before her laugh echoed.
‘’Of course you can honey, you know you can always ask me anything’’ She told me as I swallowed softly.
‘’Have you…I mean…did you’’ I breathed out slightly before rubbing my fingers over my forehead, ‘’did Adam get in contact or did you give him my new information?’’ I asked before silence slowly filled the other end of the phone line.
‘’I did…I take it that the doctor has called you about him’’ She said softly as I breathed in,
‘’Yeah he did…Sutan is taking me up there’’ I said softly before glancing back towards him to see him smiling as he drove, dropping my eyes down to my jeans, I lightly picked at the material as I heard her sigh on the other end.
‘’It will do you good Tommy, im sure if Adam was awake he would ask to see you for himself’’ She told me as I let a small smile play with the edge of my lips,
‘’When will you be there to see him?’’ I asked lightly,
‘’Not until later sweetheart, me and Eber are waiting for Neil to come home, the college let him have the time off straight away when he got told about Adam but he couldn’t get any flights so he had to get coaches and he’s due home in about three hours or so’’ Leila told me as I breathed out,
‘’Okay, I’ll probably will be there still’’ I told her as she laughed again.
‘’Oh good, we haven’t seen you in a few weeks Tommy-Joe’’ She said and I laughed softly,
‘’I know, I’ve been busy with work and getting the new tracks finished’ I told her as she tutted softly on the other end.
‘’Take a break sometimes honey, you’ll make yourself ill if you don’t’’ She scolded as I laughed again,
‘’I know, I know’’ I told her,
‘’Good, I have to go now Tommy, need to get in touch with Eber again’’ Leila told me as I breathed out, glancing up, I noticed Sutan pulling in to a parking space as I nodded to myself.
‘’Its fine, we’ve just arrived at the hospital’’ I told her, ‘’I’ll see you later.’’

‘’Thank you Sutan’’ I breathed out as we climbed out the car again and he smiled at me as I walked around and hugged him,
‘’Honey, im just doing what I do best. And remember any time you feel yourself starting to freak out just give me a phone call and I will come pick you up’’ He told me as I nodded softly with a small smile. ‘’now go and see him baby’’ Nodding softly, I hugged him tightly once more before he pushed me towards the door. Watching him leave, I took a deep breath again before I turned and headed inside the hospital, eyes moving around before I slowly walked towards the front desk.
‘’Hi, can I help you’’ The women asked as I nodded slightly,
‘’Umm, I got told that I could ask for a Dr. Miller’’ I told her as she smiled softly and clicked away on the computer.
‘’He is up on the fourth floor, you can take the stairs there or walk to the end of that hallway and on the left is the elevators’’ She smiled at me as she pointed, ‘’there there’s another nurse station where you can ask for him again’’ She told me as I nodded.
‘’Thank you’’ I told her as she smiled, walking along to the elevator, I pressed the call button and stepped away again as I waited, my mind going through everything which I could expect.

On the fourth floor and waiting for the doctor, I chewed on my thumb slightly as I paced, heart racing against my chest as I realized that this was the closest I had been to Adam in nearly four years.
‘’Mr. Ratliff’’ Turning slightly as I heard someone call my name, I nodded slightly towards the doctor as he smiled. ‘’im Dr Miller, I called you today’’ Nodding to him, I smiled softly before it fell again.
‘’His parents say that they will be here later today’’ I told him as he nodded and motioned for me to follow him,
‘’that’s good,’’ He spoke out as we walked through a couple of hallways before pausing outside a room
‘’How bad is it?’’ I asked as I stared through the window, my vision slightly blurred by the half drawn blinds.
‘’Quite server, the gunshot wounds he took was to his left shoulder, the bullet clipped his heart but the doctors in Germany managed to fix him up brilliantly, now the main thing is that he gets plenty of rest.’’ Doctor Miller told me and I swallowed a little before nodding.
‘’Is he awake?’’ I whispered and he shook his head slowly.
‘’No, he’s been sedated to help him recover, he would cause too much strain on his heart if he was awake.’’ the doctor told me before walking away.
Pushing the door open quietly, I was greeted with the bleeping of a heart monitor as I breathed out a little, I wiped at my eyes as I felt tears start to prick at them at the sight of the tubes attached to him.
Sitting down in the chair beside him, I reached out and took his hand in mine gently, his skin warm to the touch which I was glad off.
‘’Hi’’ I whispered out to him as I brushed my hand across my eyes and breathed out, ‘’It’s…it’s been a long time Adam’’ I spoke out to him before I let my eyes fall down to where my hand was holding his on the bed, ‘’Spoken to your mom, she’s coming in later with your dad once Neil gets back from college, they said that he got the time off and left to come home as soon as he heard the news that you had arrived back home here. Would’ve been here sooner but he had to take a coach,, no flights were available and I think he wanted to be here as soon as possible, I don’t blame him…I…I mean I got the phone call this morning…and well…im here’’ I whispered out.
Sitting there in silence for a while, I kept my eyes on my hands holding his before I slowly moved them up over his body, the starkness of the white bandages was a contrast against his sun kissed skin, the freckles which splashed it all out in the open caused me to smile softly as I remembered the way Adam had told me in those first two weeks of knowing each other of how he hated them.
‘’They are beautiful’’ I told him as I moved one of my hands away from his and reached up to brush my fingertips along the top of his arm to trace over them before I slowly moved to touch along the edge of the bandages which were wrapped tightly and thickly around his chest and over his left shoulder. ‘’im sorry you got hurt Adam, I feel like its my fault that you enlisted for another tour’’ I breathed out as I pulled my hands away and moved back in to the chair, resting my feet on the seat, I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on top as I watched the heart monitor bleep steadily before I looked back at him,
‘’I can’t believe we are 23 now’’ I whispered out to him, ‘’19 seems like such a long time ago when we first met’’ I sighed as I looked down and chewed on my bottom lip, ‘’I wish we could go back to those first two weeks’’ I whispered mainly to myself as I felt tears come to my eyes again.

Jumping as I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turned slightly to see Leila smiling at me before I rubbed my eyes slightly. ‘’Sorry honey, didn’t mean to wake you up or make you jump’’ she whispered softly as I nodded.
‘’Mm’ fine, didn’t mean to fall asleep’’ I told her as I let my feet drop back down on to the floor again before I stood and stretched slightly, stepping around the chair, I hugged her tightly which she returned before sighing.
‘’Everything will be okay, you know that Tommy’’ She told me as I nodded slightly and pulled away slowly
‘’I know, im going to go find some coffee or something and give you guys some time alone with him’’ I told her as she sighed softly,
‘’Honey, you know you don’t have to do that’’ She told me as I shook my head,
‘’Leila, please’’ I said softly as her hands rubbed my arms, ‘’he’s your son, just because he had my contact details down one some forms doesn’t mean anything’’ I told her as she sighed,
‘’Tommy, he still cares about you, why else would he have them down’’ She said as the door quietly opened again and we both turned to see Eber walk in before Neil followed, a small smile forming over his lips as he looked towards me,
‘’Eber tell this silly boy that he can stay’’ Leila told him as he looked away from Adam to look towards us,
‘’She’s right son’’ He spoke as I sighed,
‘’Im going to let you guys be alone with him, you’re his family’’ I told them as I slowly stepped away from Leila and moved towards the door, ‘’just going to go find a coffee or something’’ I muttered out as I headed out the room and quietly closed the door behind me, pausing slightly, I let a deep breath out before I turned and started to walk down the hallway.

‘’Hey’’ Looking up slowly as the door of the room opened, I offered a small smile towards Neil as he walked in and over to where I was sat on the chairs as I dropped my eyes back down to the cold coffee which I had in my hands. ‘’mom’s wondering when you are coming back in’’ He asked and I shrugged slightly.
‘’I don’t know, it’s your time with him’’ I shrugged out before I felt Neil’s hand collide with the back of my head slightly.
‘’You’re a dick Tommy you know, sure I hate you a little for breaking up with my brother when I knew he was happy but I still like you and so does mom and dad so get your ass back in with them and Adam okay’’ Neil spoke out as I rubbed my head slightly and glared at him, ‘’despite everything I know Adam still loves you and im sure somewhere deep down inside whether you want to admit it or not, you still love my big brother so stop acting like a spoilt little brat and grow up Tommy, you’re 23 now and got a good life, so act like  it’’ He told me before standing and headed out the room again as I stared after him.
Shaking my head of all the thoughts, I slowly stood and threw the cold coffee away before I headed out and slowly walked back towards Adam’s room, pausing slightly outside, I took a deep breath before I pushed the door open and slowly stepped inside.
‘’Oh honey, Neil said you were on the way back’’ Leila spoke out and I glanced over at him to see him grinned before I nodded softly,
‘’Yeah’’ I said softly as I walked a little closer to her and took her hand as she offered it, ‘’he said a few things to make me realize things’’ I shrugged out as she smiled and squeezed my hand softly.
‘’Im glad Tommy, for a moment I was afraid that you were going to go off again’’ she whispered softly as I glanced down and nodded, my mind taking me back with the few times I had ended up in the hospital and she had stayed with me. ‘’the doctor came in while you were gone and explained a few more things to us’’ Leila told me as I nodded slightly, ‘’he’s doing fine and going to make a full recover, just going to be weak for a while that’s why they are going to keep him sedated, but he will wake up on his own when his heart gets stronger, it could take a few weeks but it shouldn’t be long’’ She told me as I nodded again.
‘’What about the army’’ I asked softly,
‘’we haven’t heard anything yet, I guess it all depends on his health once he wakes up’’ Eber spoke out as I glanced over to see him watching the bed before he turned to look towards me.
‘’But we should get going Leila, Dia is still expecting us’’ Eber spoke out before I frowned.
‘’My mom is expecting you?’’ I asked as Leila laughed softly and stood up.
‘’She invited us to dinner, I know Adam will be fine here with you’’ She told me as I nodded slightly.
‘’Don’t worry, we’ll tell her you said hello’’ Neil winked out at me before Eber punched him lightly.
‘’Stop it Neil, go out and wait in the car’’ Eber told him as he sighed but left anyway.
‘’You are going to be okay aren’t you Tommy?’’ Leila asked as I glanced at Adam and nodded slowly,
‘’Yeah…ill be fine’’ I told her as I turned back and smiled softly.

*2 months later*

For weeks turning slowly to two months I found myself retuning back to the hospital every day to sit with Adam, some nights staying there and being woken up by either a nurse checking his vitals or Leila’s soft touch to get me to go have something to drink and eat or to head home to change and shower in to something fresh.
And today was no different as I slowly blinked my eyes open to see a nurse writing down on to a clipboard which sat at the end of the bed, her eyes on the heart monitor before she turned and smiled towards me. ‘’Good morning Tommy, I didn’t wake you did I?’’ She asked as I rubbed my hand over my face and sat up more in the chair.
‘’No its fine, how is Adam doing?’’ I asked as she smiled softly.
‘’He is doing amazing, the sedating has worn off so it’s just a matter of his body regaining control fully again and waking up on his own’’ She smiled at me as I swallowed deeply and nodded.
‘’How long do you think that’s going to be?’’ I asked as she paused.
‘’It could be anything between a week to six, depending on the rate he is recovering, it may be quicker’’ She told me with a smile before putting the clip board down and I nodded slightly.
‘’Do you have any paper and a pen and maybe an envelope I can borrow?’’ I asked before she frowned,
‘’I will see what I can do Tommy’’ She told me before headed out the room, the door closing softly behind her.

Breathing out, I moved the chair a little closer to the bed again and let my hand slide up over his where I stroked my thumb over his skin, ‘’They say you’re going to wake up soon’’ I spoke to him softly, ‘’I don’t know why but that scares me Adam, im scared that you’re going to wake up and hate me for everything I done’’ I sighed before I heard the door open and I turned to see the nurse walk back in.
‘’This was all I could find, I hope its okay’;’ She told me as she handed over some plain paper and a small brown envelope and a pen.
‘’It’s fine, thank you’’ I told her with a smile, waiting for her to leave again, I turned back and pulled the small bed table closer and laid everything down apart from the pen before I looked back to Adam, his face calm and clear of any breathing tubes, in a way I almost just believed that he was sleeping normally and not in a coma still. Breathing out, I tore my eyes away from his form and down to the paper as I started to write a letter for the first time in years.

Pausing a few times, I groaned and screwed the paper up and chucked it in to the bin before I looked back down at the blank page of paper again as I sighed, I knew what I wanted to write, but I just couldn’t find the right words in which to write it all down with on paper with. Shaking my head, I pushed the paper away and sat back in the chair again as I stared out the window.
For over a week, I found myself writing a few things down on the paper and hiding it again whenever someone came in to the room or Adam’s family came to sit with him while I went home to change or had something to eat, and each time I found my heart beating faster with the recovery which Adam was showing.
Finally finishing the letter two weeks after I started it, I breathed out and folded the paper neatly and tucked it in to the envelope and sealed it before I settled it on the stand against the water jug in plain view as I stood, leaning over the bed, I moved and softly pressed my lips against Adam’s forehead as I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and gave his hand a small squeeze. ‘’Im sorry’’ I whispered to him before I pulled away and walked towards the door of the room where I paused and glanced back, a small lump in my throat before I turned and stepped outside.
Closing the door behind me softly, I blinked the tears away as I turned and started to walk away and down the hall, the soft laughter of other patients and nurses or doctors filled softly as I tried to clear my mind out.
‘’Oh Tommy honey, are you off again?’’ Looking up, I smiled towards one of the older nurses who had often come in to give Adam the bed baths to keep his skin clean and stop him from getting bed sores.
‘’Yeah, im a little tired’’ I lied to her as she nodded and tilted her head softly before she stood up from the station and walked around to stop in front of me.
‘’You look it sweetheart, too many nights of sleeping in that chair. You need a real bed and a real night sleep, your boyfriend is all in the clear’’ She told me and I breathed out slightly as I felt the tears move towards my eyes again as I shook my head.
‘’He isn’t my boyfriend…not any more’’ I told her as she frowned
‘’Oh but I thought’’ She started and I chuckled softly before wiping my eyes a little.
‘’Yeah…I…its my fault we aren’t together anymore’’ I told her, ‘’I couldn’t deal with missing him while he was deployed and I guess that loneliness made me fall for another guy who just ended up hurting me’’ I shrugged out as she sighed and rubbed my arm and pulled me in to a hug.
‘’Well im sure he will be happy to see you once he’s awake’’ she smiled as I nodded a little, ‘’I will see you tomorrow yes? Im working the late shift’’
‘’Sure’’ I lied, a smile on my lips as she smiled again and headed back around the station. Breathing out softly, I quickly headed through the hospital and moved down floors until I reached the entrance and stepped out in to the fresh air as I chocked back a sob and moved my hands to my eyes and wiped the tears away.

‘’Hey Sutan…’’ I spoke in to the phone as I dialed his number and he answered.
‘’Is that you Tommy? Sorry caller id is messing around’’ He spoke in
‘’yeah it’s me’’ I breathed out.
‘’I thought you were with Adam?’’ He asked as movement echoed on his end.
‘’I was…I…can you come get me’’ I whispered in to the phone. ‘’I…I can’t do this anymore’’ I admitted.
‘’Shit…of course baby, im proud of you for staying this long okay, I will be there within 20 minutes, just hold tight’’ Sutan told me before I heard the phone line cut out, locking my phone, I slipped it back in to my pocket as I took a deep breath.
Sure enough, twenty minutes later, I noticed Sutan’s black car pull up in front of me as I pushed up from the wall and walked over, pulling the door open, I slipped in quietly and buckled myself in before I glanced over to see Sutan staring at me. ‘’Want to talk about it?’’ He asked and I shook my head slightly as I turned and leaned against the door.
‘’No’’ I whispered before I felt his hand touch against my wrist and squeeze softly.
‘’Alright, why don’t we get you home and a beer in your hand yeah, maybe works on some music for the gig in a few weeks’’ He asked and I nodded slightly before he drove off and I settled back in to the softness of his car seat, my mind running through my letter which I had left before the music soothed them away and were washed free as Sutan drove along the highway, the city on one side and the ocean on the other as I stared towards the waves.

.o0o.  Adam .o0o.

‘’Oh honey, you’re awake’’ Blinking my eyes a few times in the bright light, I took a couple of breaths before I turned my head slowly to see mom sat beside where I was laid, smiling lightly, I slowly started to bring my hand up where she grabbed it in hers and pressed a kiss against my knuckles. ‘’we’ve all missed that smile Adam’’ She whispered as one of her hands ran down my arm softly.
‘’What…what are you doing here?’’ I asked slowly and a little groggily as she let a broken laugh out.
‘’You’re back home baby, the doctors in Germany could only do so much but your back home where you belong my beautiful boy and you are doing amazing, doctors say you are lucky to be alive’’ She whispered out as I nodded slowly.
‘’How long’’ I asked,
‘’About two and half months now, they kept you sedated so not to cause strain on your heart but everything is better, the sedation wore off about two weeks ago and we’ve just been waiting for you to wake up now. You’re dad and Neil should be back in later and they are going to be too happy to see you awake’’ She smiled.
‘’Well good morning’’ Turning my head slightly, I watched as someone in a white coat walked in, ‘’im doctor Miller, I suppose your mom has explained a few things already’’ He asked and I nodded before I moved to try and sit up and felt hands pushing me back down again, ‘’one step at a time sergeant’’ He spoke out as I let a small breath out.
‘’My boys…Danny and everyone else’’ I muttered out as mom squeezed my hand again,
‘’they are fine baby, they all returned and a few has been in to visit including Danny’’ She said as I nodded slightly. ‘’A few signed on for another tour but Danny stared home, the end of his service came up and his wife just had  a baby, I still can’t believe they got lucky on that weekend pass you boys had back then’’ she laughed as I grinned and nodded.
‘’When do you think I can get back to them?’’ I asked the doctor as he exchanged a look with my mom before he sighed and sat in the chair beside the bed.
‘’May I call you Adam?’’ He asked before I nodded softly, ‘’Aright, the thing is Adam, when you got shot, one of the bullets clipped your heart which left some serious damage, and its lucky that you got medical treatment as quickly as you did because you could’ve died out there. The commander and caption of your regiment has gone over your medicals and progress and although you have a excellent recovery, they think it’s for the best that you got discharged on the grounds of medical problems’’ the doctor told me softly.
‘’They are kicking me out’’ I breathed out as I turned away again and let my eyes close as I took a deep and shaky breath, ‘’too much of a risk to them’’ I muttered before I felt a warm hand on my arm.
‘’It isn’t like that Adam, they are thinking about your health as well, the damage was great to your heart, there’s always going to be a risk now of heart problems for you which will need regular checkups for the next two maybe three years’’ He spoke out before I moved my arm away from his touch.
‘’Maybe we should just let him rest for now Doctor’’ I heard mom speak out,
‘’Sure…it’s nice to see you awake Adam’’ The doctor spoke out before I listened to the movement around the room before a door being opened and then closed again.
‘’Adam honey’’
‘’No mom…just…just leave me alone for a while please’’ I begged out as I opened my eyes to look towards her.
‘’Okay sweetheart, just take it easy, im going to call your father’’ She said softly before pressing a kiss to my forehead., watching as she left, I turned away and looked towards the window as I breathed out. I had no idea what I was going to do now, the army had been a major part of my life and I didn’t think it would end so quickly like it had done now, letting my eyes scan around the room, I looked towards the small TV in the corner of the room which was on a random music/radio station, the songs soft as I closed my eyes and let myself fall asleep.

Two weeks later, I found myself sitting up in the hospital bed, the covers pushed to the bottom as the sweat pants kept my legs warm as I held the envelope in my hands, the familiar curling wording on the front making me swallow deeply knowing that it was Tommy’s hand writing.
‘’Why was it hidden?’’ I asked as I looked up and noticed Neil walk in, his eyes looking at me before down at the envelope as he paused and swallowed. ‘’Neil, why was it hidden in your bag’’ I asked as he sighed and looked back out the door before he closed it and walked over,
‘’I was going to give it to you, I honestly was Adam…I…I just wanted to make sure you were fine first, I didn’t want anything happening to you’’ He told me as I dropped my eyes back down and rubbed my thumb over the white paper which kept the letter hidden inside.
‘’How long has it been here for?’’ I asked slowly, not sure if I wanted to know the truth or not as Neil stayed silent.
‘’Nearing five weeks now’’ He told me as I nodded slightly.
‘’He was here’’ I breathed out before I turned to look towards my brother as he slowly nodded.
‘’Im going to go okay, something like that should be read on your own’’ Neil told me as I nodded,
‘’Thank you’’ I told him as he smiled and gathered his things up before leaving, breathing in the silence, I let my eyes close before I slowly turned the letter over and opened my eyes as I started to undo it.

Adam.

If you are reading this, then you have woken up and on the road to recovery fully. 
I don’t really know where to start to be honest.
For the past two months, I’ve sat and just watched you, hoping that things would turn out for the best that no other harm would come to you like it has, but im not here now for you when you woke up, im just hoping that you weren’t alone.
I know that even if you weren’t that you wouldn’t be afraid because of everything you have seen and done within the Army, but im worried that if you were that someone was there to hold your hand to make you feel safe, that someone could explain things to you if you didn’t understand.
I know that it’s been hard over the past four years, a lot has changed and most of that has been because of my choices in life, I regret that I done it when you were so far away, somewhere where I couldn’t explain myself for the reasons, but my life didn’t seem worth living when you weren’t in it. I admit that I made the mistake of letting you go.

But im just glad that you are back home again,

The day I got the phone call, the officer’s voice on the end asking if I was me, I felt like my world had ended again. I still remember that day so well, the phone call in the morning, I went around to Mia’s and just broke down, I was so scared that you wasn’t going to make it and I felt like it was all my fault that you extended.
But I didn’t think that you would still have my name and number down with your parents, I thought you hated me when the letters stop, I guess that I also stopped writing, this is the first time in years that I have actually writing a letter with a pen and piece of paper which I found here in the hospital. 
The first time I walked in to your room, I just wanted to walk out again, seeing you lying there so still and pale, it wasn’t the Adam I remembered.  I spent every day just praying that you would wake up, to squeeze my hand to let me know that you were okay and doing fine.

The past four weeks have been so much better for you, the doctors told me that your heart was fine and that you weren’t in danger anymore and that we were just waiting for you to wake up on your own. But I think I stopped coming to visit because of that.
I was scared that you would wake up and see me there and demand that I leave you alone, I don’t think I could’ve faced you telling me to get out.
It’s taken me two weeks to write this, each day I’ve spent looking at the empty paper trying to find the words to write to you and each time nothing has come to me, but I write this to you now to tell you that I am sorry.

I still love you
I never stopped loving you Adam.

I know that things can’t go back to how there were between us like they were during those first two weeks, the way you saved me from Luke, I can still remember the look on his face when he finally got the point. But I’ve grown up since then Adam, I made it through with the guitar and singing, I remembered when you told me that everyone wants to escape sometimes and that’s what I done, I took my guitar and just escaped away for a few days and wrote before going back to the studio, they loved everything I had and I even have a slot in a friends show soon.

I miss you.

Just concentrate on getting better Adam... please.

Until then

Tommy

Breathing out a while later, I let the letter drop on to the bed as I wiped at my eyes and stared out the window, the sun shining brightly, almost as if it was trying to mock me with everything Tommy had written to me, I didn’t know how to feel knowing that he had sat by my bedside day in and day out, his hand holding mine, I wanted to be happy knowing that he still loved me and cared but I also wanted to hate him again for running when things changed for him, when he knew I would be waking up at any point. I felt like my world had been torn again as I turned back and picked the letter up, folding it back up again, I slipped it inside the envelope before placing it on my unit beside the bed as I reached up and lightly rubbed my still bandaged shoulder before I turned towards the door as it opened.
‘’Lucky son of a bitch, or should I call you old man now that you’ve retired from the force’’ Laughing lightly, I couldn’t help but shake my head as he walked in and dropped down in to the chair.
‘’Danny, its good to see you’’ I told him as he grinned and nodded.
‘’You too serge, for a moment back then we thought we had finally lost the pain in our asses’’ He grinned out as I laughed, my hand moving up to my chest and shoulder again.
‘’Not getting rid of me that easily’’ I told him, ‘’I heard Edwards joined for another tour’’ I spoke out as he nodded.
‘’Yeah and Jones got moved up with another team he went out with’’ He told me as I nodded,
‘’They are good men, I hope they do good’’ I grinned out, ‘’and I hear you have a little nipper now too’’ I asked as Danny grinned and shifted slightly before pulling his wallet out and handing me a photo over.
‘’Yup, a healthy little boy’’ He smiled out,
‘’He’s beautiful, what did you name him?’’ I asked as I handed the photo back again.
‘’Max, my girl wanted to name him after her grandfather’’ He told me as I nodded slightly, ‘’but you’re looking great man, you honestly scared me when you went down that day’’ He told me as I breathed out,
‘’Scared me when you went down too boy, I guess we both let the moment forget where we were’’ I shrugged out slowly as he nodded.
‘’Honestly…how are you feeling about everything’’ He asked and I sighed knowing that he had been there when I had received Tommy’s last letter.
‘’Changes day to day’’ I told him before I reached out and took Tommy’s letter of the unit and held it out to him, ‘’he wrote me another letter after sitting here day after day with me’’ I told him as he took it from me and pulled the letter out before reading it through.
‘’Wow…I really don’t know what to say Adam’’ He told me before handing it back and I placed it back on the unit again, ‘’do you think you will go see him at all, talk to him face to face about everything?’’ He asked and I shrugged softly before letting a sigh out.
‘’I really don’t know, I want to see him, I still love him with all my heart and I don’t think that’s going to change at all’’ I told him as he nodded ‘’I think im just going to do what comes along for a while and see how that goes’’ I told him as he smiled and stood.
‘’That’s great to hear and im glad you are feeling good too, but I should get going, my girl has Max and visiting the in-laws at the moment, I thought I would pop in and see how you were doing’’ He smiled as he patted my shoulder and I nodded.
‘’Im glad you did, it was good seeing you again’’ I told him as we both saluted and I watched him leave, smiling to myself, I moved down the bed slightly and laid back as I breathed out, I could head home in a few days with a bill of good health and I couldn’t wait to leave.

∞

‘’Everything ready’’ Looking up, as I finished fixing my boots, I nodded softly towards my mom as she walked over, my uniform jacket in  her arms before she brushed her hands over my shoulder which was now bandage free, her fingertips grazing the scarred wounds lightly.
‘’Im fine mom, I promise’’ I smiled at her as she nodded softly and stepped away again as I pulled the green shirt on and stood, my booted feet hitting against the ground with a soft thud before I took the jacket from her hands and slowly slipped it on to my arms before I done it up.
‘’I can’t believe how strong you are honey, my little baby’’ she smiled before I returned it before I hugged her tightly.
‘’Im always going to be here mom, I promise you that, im not going to be playing with guns any more, that’s all over, im home safe…where I belong’’ I told her as I pulled away and smiled.
‘’I know honey…I know’’ She smiled. ’’I hope you don’t mind…Dia…Tommy’s mother invited us for lunch’’ Mom said softly as I nodded slightly.
‘’Is he going to be there’’ I asked softly,
‘’I don’t know sweetheart.’’ Nodding softly, I finished getting dressed and grabbed my things as mom walked out the room and I followed a few minutes after.

Finally out of the hospital and at Dia’s, I couldn’t help but stand in the window and stare out of it at the view, I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly took in the beauty of the world around, I wasn’t sure whether or not it was because I had nearly died that made me appreciate life more now or not but I couldn’t help the feeling of it inside.
‘’Honey, come eat’’ Turning, I looked towards Dia’s smiling face before I slowly walked over, pausing halfway when I noticed an old photography on the wall of Tommy and myself, my arm around his shoulders and his head against my chest as we both laughed.
‘’Where is Tommy?’’ I asked softly before I turned back to look at her and my mom who looked towards each other before Dia turned back,
‘’He went to the beach with the girls and some others I think he said anyway, Santa Monica, I think’’ She told me as I nodded and I took a few more steps closer before I sighed.
‘’I hope you don’t mind me skipping out on your lunch Dia, I just feel like I need to go see him’’ I spoke softly as she smiled.
‘’Its fine honey, you do whatever you want too okay’’ She told me as I nodded and kissed her cheek softly before doing the same to moms.

Heading out the house and down the street, I knew that his mom lived quite close to Santa Monica, so it wouldn’t take that long to walk it and I just wanted to walk knowing that I still could, that I was alive to enjoy another day.
Reaching the beach after a while, I knew I was getting stared at and I knew it was because of my uniform, whispers being spoken between people as I walked and stared along the beach front until I paused when my eyes landed on familiar faces sat on the beach, smiling slightly as I saw Mia laugh before pointing somewhere towards the ocean, I let my eyes move down before my eyes landed on Tommy as he said something to someone and paused to look out over the ocean before he turned and started to walk back as a little girl ran towards him. I could feel my heart beat a little faster as I saw him pick her up and walk towards the group and sit down again.
I knew that I probably looked strange for standing in full uniform at the beach and just staring, but I could take my eyes off him as he talked to people before someone said something and his face fell in to confusion before he turned around.

Seeing our eyes meet, I watched as he seemed to tense up slightly before he tore his eyes away and turned back to the group, part of me wanted to know what they were talking about before I saw Tommy slowly stand and brush the sand off, his hands pulling sleeves down over hands which made me know he was nervous, a habit he had always had since I met him before he stopped a few feet in front of me, our eyes on each other’s as he brushed a tear away and  as I swallowed slightly.
‘’You’re mom said you would be here’’ I told him softly as he nodded and took a small step forward, before I knew it, Tommy was crying softly against my chest and repeating himself as I wrapped my arms around him tightly, the feeling of him in my arms again making me breath hard as I held him tightly, after all the time apart, his touch was still like how I remembered and I felt like I never wanted to let him go again

I finally felt like I was home.

Chapter Text

Present day

‘’Hey guy’s’’ I spoke out as I crossed the sand and settled down next to Mia,
‘’Hey’’ Mia whispered back before I turned and looked around the whole group before I turned, my eyes watching towards where Sophie was sat with Isaac and Roseanna on her lap,
‘’Uncle Tommy’’ She shouted out before wiggling her way out of her mom’s hold and ran over everyone’s legs before jumping in to my lap causing me to laugh as I fell backwards, 
‘’Hey you little devil’’ I grinned as I sat up again and hugged her tightly, ‘’Been running mommy and daddy around like I told you too?’’ I asked as she smiled and nodded, earning a laugh from everyone around.
‘’So how have you been Tommy, you haven’t been around lately’’ Someone spoke out and I turned to see one of our friends which we had made over the years.
‘’I’ve been good and a little busy with work, but it’s been worth it, I mean it’s given me the chance to go places and see things I’ve wanted to see’’ I told them as I playfully pulled one of Roseanna’s pigtails which sent her laughing before she crawled up from my lap and tugged on my hand.
‘’Uncle Tommy, come with me I want to show you my kingdom’’ She grinned out before I glanced towards Sophie and Isaac,
‘’Am I going to be safe with her?’’ I asked as they laughed and nodded, getting up, I let Roseanna lead me a few feet from where everyone was sat before she pulled me down next to a few sandcastles.
‘’This is where the princess lives’’ She explained to me before pointing to the biggest sandcastle and then to smaller ones ‘’and this is where their friends live.’’
‘’And are you the princess honey?’’ I asked her as I sat down fully and she moved on to my lap,
‘’of course not silly, you are’’ She smiled out to me as I laughed, wrapping my arms around her, I rocked to my feet again before I swung her around until she was clutching to me tightly, laughing brightly. ‘’Build more with me’’ She begged once I placed her on the sand again, grinning I nodded before we started to work on building her kingdom.

‘’Roseanna’’ Sophie called out and I turned to see her walking over with a smile as I stood and picked Roseanna up before walking over.
‘’Momma me and Uncle Tommy made an even bigger kingdom’’ She called out before holding her hands out as I laughed along with Sophie.
‘’Well I thought I would give Uncle Tommy a break and take you down to the water to swim before we have lunch’’ Sophie spoke before Roseanna smiled widely and turned to look toward me
‘’Will you come with us?’’ She asked before I pouted slightly and looked down at my shorts and hoody,
‘’Sure why not’’ I grinned as I looked back up again.
‘’Go find daddy and he will get your suit on’’ Sophie told her before setting her down towards the group before she turned back towards me with a smile, ‘’you spoil her too much’’ She laughed and I shrugged slightly.
‘’Im her god father, isn’t that what I am meant to do?’’ I asked as she laughed and walked over.
‘’Yes you are, but you don’t need to spoil her soo much’’ She told me as her arm linked through mine and I laughed softly.
‘’I want too, I mean...’’ I trailed off slightly before I sighed, ‘’It keeps me happy you know, I love seeing her laugh and smile’’ I told Sophie as she nodded and we walked towards the group as Isaac got up with Roseanna in his arms.
‘’Have you heard from him?’’ She asked softly, swallowing slightly I breathed out and looked down at the sand before I shook my head,
‘’No I haven’t’’ I admitted to her, ‘’But I don’t blame him if I never hear from him again after what I done’’ I whispered before she smiled at me sadly.
‘’We all love you, you know that don’t you’’ She spoke to me and I nodded with a smile.
‘’Of course I do, and I love you all too’’ I told her as she smiled and kissed my cheek,
‘’Rosy tells me that you are all going swimming’’ Isaac spoke out as he reached us and I grinned slightly,
‘’Are you going to come with us daddy?’’ I asked with a smirk as he laughed and shook his head,
‘’No sadly, im going to go get lunch for everyone’’ Isaac told us before he handed Rosanna to Sophie again before he kissed them both on the cheek.
‘’Uncle Tommy, Uncle Tommy I’ll race you to the water’’ Roseanna called out before she wiggled out of Sophie’s hold and started to run.
‘’God im never going to be unfit at this state’’ I muttered out to her before I took off running, laughing as I caught up, I wrapped my arms around her and spun her around as she giggled loudly.

Walking towards the water, I stepped in until it came half way up my legs before my knees, I grabbed her hands and dropped her down as she giggled again and splashed the water with her feet before I let go and she screamed slightly, laughing I held her hand again as a wave moved across and caught her before she giggled and turned to her mom and let go of me before grabbing her legs.
‘’So how long has it been?’’ Sophie asked and I looked at her confused, ‘’since you last went to see him?’’ She asked and I breathed out a little before shrugged.
‘’Umm...I think about five weeks ago now’’ I told her softly as she nodded and looked back down at Roseanna again as she kicked water at me, smiling I grinned a little before splashing back at her.
‘’Do you know how he is?’’ She asked and I shook my head before looking at her again,
‘’Can we...you know, not talk about it please’’ I asked softly as she nodded.
‘Yeah, sorry honey, but how are you?’’ She asked and I shrugged a little,
‘’Im fine, working on a new song again’’ I told her as she looked at me with a knowing look, ‘’Sophie im doing fine okay, music is what keeps me thinking straight and not doing anything silly, and then having this little monster running about helps too’’ I laughed as I moved and pulled Roseanna up in to my arms and moved so I fell on to my ass in the water, laughing softy as she screamed in giggles. I looked up at Sophie as she laughed too, her hands on her hips
‘’Okay I believe you’’ She grinned out at me, ‘’But come on kids, lets go have lunch’’ She laughed before Roseanna got up and started to run out the water and up towards the beach, taking Sophie’s hand I smiled at her and splashed the water at her before we both turned and started to walk back.
‘’You go on, I will be up in a second’’ I told her before she nodded and carried on walking towards everyone else. Pausing, I turned back to stare at the water again with a soft sigh, even halfway through the day and the beach filled with people, it was still peaceful and carefree, everyone enjoying their day before I turned and started to head back up the beach again.
‘’Come on’’ Laughing slightly as Roseanna came running back over again and tugged on my sleeve, I leaned down and picked her up again, ‘’you are too slow’’ She told me before I laughed again and started to walk up the beach before we reached the rest of the group and I sat down again with Roseanna on my lap before Sophie passed me a plate over for her.

Listening to the others talk, I couldn’t help but laugh slightly before I looked down again at Roseanna as she put her plate down and bounced on my lap as I handed her some juice.
‘’Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat Tommy’’ Isaac asked before I shook my head.
‘’No im fine, im having dinner at mom’s place tonight and you know how she gets when she cooks for the whole family’’ I grinned out slightly.
‘’Please don’t remind me’’ He laughed and looked down at his daughter in my lap. Leaning back slightly, I let my fingers dig in to the sand as everyone fell in to soft conversation again with each other and caught up on things which were missed over the past few days and weeks before I sat up again and reached over to Mia and stole one of her bread sticks.
‘’Thief’’ She laughed out as I winked and bit in to it, laying back again I looked up at the sky with a soft sigh before I felt Roseanna more and I sat up again to get another juice from Sophie and handed it to her.
‘’So Tommy, Sophie tells us that you are writing again at the moment’’ One of the girls asked and I nodded with a smile.
‘’Yeah I am, it’s been a while since I actually sat down with my own guitar and wrote for myself’’ I told her as she smiled, ‘’And Im loving it at the moment, I haven’t got any other work which needs to be finished some all hands free to do what I want when I want’’ I laughed.
‘’that’s great, maybe we all get to see you more then since you moved in to that nice little house of yours in the hill’s, I mean we miss your parties’’ Isaac teased out as I grinned and nodded a little.
‘’Sure why not, I mean I do actually miss having you guys around’’ I told them honestly as they smiled.
‘’Great, we will sort something out soon then before work consumes you again’’ Isaac spoke out as I laughed.

‘’So had your eye on anyone lately?’’ Sasha asked from beside me and I turned to look at her as she smiled and I shook my head, ‘’Why not, I mean you are attractive Tommy’’ She spoke to me quietly before I shrugged again.
‘’Haven’t really looked’’ I told her as she rolled her eyes slightly at me before looking around again.
‘’Well…if I had to pick some guy up…I would so pick him up…man in uniform, yummy’’ She laughed out and I frowned before I saw her looking somewhere else. Turning I followed her eyesight before I felt my heart crash against my chest as I froze up slightly,
‘’Tommy are you okay?’’ Sophie asked as she looked over and I breathed out slightly as his eyes met mine, pulling them away from him, I turned and looked towards her slightly as she turned and her eyes widened slightly. ‘’Roseanna, come here baby,’’ She spoke out before she got up and walked over to her mom,
‘’I…I’ll…um…’’ I trailed off slightly before I felt Mia’s hand on my arm and I turned to look at her.
‘’Just go’’ She whispered before I nodded and slowly stood, brushing the sand of my shorts, I pulled my sleeves down over my arms as the others looked confused and I turned and started to slowly walk towards Adam. Reaching a little closer, I could feel a few tears starting to itch at the back of my eyes as I looked at him, he looked even better than the last time I had seen him in the hospital still.
Breathing out slightly as he stepped forward, I felt a tear slip down over my cheek which I quickly brushed away as I took a deep breath again.
‘’Your mom said you would be here’’ Adam said softly as I nodded a little, for a while we both just stood there watching each other as he looked down and then back up at me, his blue eyes staring straight at me before I stepped forward closer to him, I was thankful as Adam came closer again and wrapped his arms around me tightly as I felt the rest of my tears fall and I let him take most of my weight as I buried my face in to the collar of his uniform.
‘’Im sorry, im sorry, im so sorry Adam’’ I whispered out to him over and over again, my hands clutched at his uniform tightly as one of his soothed over my back, his breath warm on my neck.  ‘’Im sorry’’ I whispered again.

‘’Uncle Tommy’’ Hearing Roseanna, I breathed out deeply and quickly wiped my eyes away as I turned and looked down at her as she ran over, hearing Adam start laughing slightly I picked her up before turning to look at him questionly as he stopped and smiled towards me.
‘’When I saw you on the beach, I saw her run up and you picked her up…I…I thought she was your child’’ Adam spoke out before I turned to look at Roseanna, her eyes looking at Adam before she turned back to me,
‘’You’ve been crying Uncle Tommy, is this man being mean to you?’’ She asked and I smiled weakly before I shook my head.
‘’No baby-girl, he isn’t, go back to mommy and daddy okay and no more running off without them’’ I told her as she nodded and kissed my cheek, putting her down again, I watched as she ran back over before I turned back to Adam,
‘’I haven’t seen her in such a long time’’ Adam said as I nodded a little and shifted slightly, my eyes looking over his face before dropping again as he cleared his throat a little and I looked back up at him again, his bright blue eyes looking at me already as I felt a soft blush warm my cheeks. ‘’can we talk?’’ He asked quietly and I thought about it, my eyes glancing towards the others before back again.
‘’I…Umm we can go for coffee…or something…’’ I stuttered out slightly as he nodded, watching him, I noticed as he raised his hand up and rubbed it over his clothed shoulder slightly before dropping it again as he saw my eyes watching his hand. I couldn’t lie to myself when I thought about how Adam looked in his uniform, he looked smart and I knew that he had been doing for his country. ‘’Need to tell Mia’’ I spoke out softly as he nodded again, turning we started to walk back towards the group before reaching them and I breathed out slightly and started to pick my things up.
‘’Everything okays Tommy’’ Isaac asked as I nodded,
‘’Yeah…um, we are going to go for coffee…to talk or something’’ I spoke out before he nodded, ‘’Mia do you mind…if…if I… um come back to your place after?’’ I asked her, my hands shaking slightly as I fumbled with my bag and pulled it up over my shoulder and pulled the sleeves of my hoody down over my hands further before she nodded and stood up, kissing my cheek softly, she rubbed her hands over my arms.
‘’Of course’’ She told me as I smiled lightly, ‘’and it’s nice to see you again Adam, im glad to see you fully recovered from the shooting’’ She told him before leaning up and kissed his cheek as he smiled slightly.
‘’Nice to see you too Mia, it’s been a while’’ He spoke out before I turned and started to walk away, his footsteps careful beside me as I let my eyes stay on the ground ahead, questions and thoughts running through my mind as we made our way up on to the street and towards a coffee shop on the beach front before a hand around my wrist caused me to look up slightly, ‘’Do you mind if we went back to one of ours?’’ Adam asked softly before swallowing slightly as he glanced down to where he was still holding my wrist before letting go again, ‘’somewhere private’’
Nodding slightly, I breathed out, ‘’My place isn’t far’’ I told him as he nodded and I started to walk down the street again, keys edging against my leg slightly in my pocket as I pushed my hand in and wrapped them around the key chain.

Walking down the road until I came to the car, I paused slightly and glanced over at him as I slowed slightly and then finally stopped beside it,
‘’Um…did you…uh do you want to follow?’’ I asked as his blue eyes rose to meet mine and I swallowed slightly.
‘’I walked’’ he told me and I nodded slightly before I looked around, a few people turning to stare at him and I realized it was because of his uniform still.
‘’Doors unlocked, you might have to give it a slight tug, still haven’t got it fixed since the crash’’ I told him, his eyes widening slightly as he looked towards the car and then back to me, his mouth opening slightly before closing again, ‘’im fine, I was side swept in to coming home from momm…from your mom’s about a month ago’’ I told him with a shrug as I pulled the driver’s door open and glanced over at him to see him staring at me before he nodded and headed around.

The drive was silent as I gripped the steering wheel tightly before it got too much and I leant forward slightly, my fingers reaching for the radio dials before I flicked them on, the car automatically searching through stations before it stopped and I felt Adam’s eyes on me as I sat back again, running my fingers through my hair to get it out my eyes, I made a mental note to get Sutan to re-dye it again soon once he got home.
Hearing a song start playing before the radio dj said the name, I swallowed and reached over and flicked the station over before I sat back again, my fingers curling tighter around the steering wheel again before I glanced over at Adam to see him looking at the radio.
‘’The guy’s loved that song, always had it playing on base’’ Adam said softly and I swallowed slightly and nodded as I shifted my eyes along the road before back again as I changed gears, ‘’said that it helped them to remember what they had back home and to live for, I was listening to it the morning before we went out’’ Adam said softly again as I swallowed and nodded, I knew that I should’ve told him that it was my song which I had written but there was something in the back of my mind which told me not to.
‘’This is it’’ I said quietly as I turned up on to another road and pulled in to a short drive way, opening my window, I reached out and typed my code in before the main gate started to open, driving further up the drive way, I glanced back in the mirror at the gate closing again before I turned back and pulled up in to the garage and parked the car up, engine still running for a few moments before I turned it off. ‘’I guess we should go in’’ I said softly before I started to get out the car, Adam following on the other side before I pushed my door closed and opened the back to grab my bag again and slipped it over my shoulders as I locked the car up.

Leading him around to the front of the house again, I pulled my keys out and stepped closer to the door as I unlocked it, pushing it open the sound of music greeted my ears and I swallowed slightly as I realized it was my new track’s.
‘’Oh honey your home, that’s wonderful news…I called momma Dia and she told me you were at the beach with the girls and others’’ Sutan’s voice called out above the music as I softly closed the door behind Adam and toed my shoes off and started to walk through the hallway towards the kitchen and studio. ‘’I had some great ideas for your new songs to finish this album of baby while I was away and sweet lord Jesus Christ there’s some stories to tell…oh…you have company’’ Sutan spoke out as me and Adam stepped in to the kitchen and he turned to look at us, eyes flicking between my face and then Adam’s before he took in the uniform. ‘’Oh honey’’ He cried out before walking over to me, long fingers grabbing my jaw before tilting my head up so my eyes met his. ‘’Call me as soon as you need to okay, I don’t want to see you like that again’’ He warned and I nodded slightly in his hold before his face softened and he wrapped me in a tight hug.
‘’I promise’’ I told him quietly before we both let each other go and he glanced at Adam again before back again with a smile.
‘’Im going to…go…I don’t know I will find something, I will give you a call when im on the way home baby’’ Sutan told me as he nodded and quickly pecked my lips and left.

Walking further in to the kitchen, I could feel Adam’s eyes on me as I pulled my hoody off and then dropped it over the back of one of the tall stools at the center island before I started to make coffee for us,
‘’Please just ask me what I know you want to ask’’ I said to Adam softly as I added coffee in to the pot and his footsteps shuffled across the floor slightly before the sound of the stool was being moved.
‘’That…him…was…is he’’ He stuttered out his words and I breathed out slightly as I walked over to the kitchen stereo and turned the cd off,
‘’Sutan…that’s his name and no he isn’t, he is one of my best friends’’ I told Adam as I went back to the coffee and poured the two cups out before I turned and walked towards where he was sat and pushed it across to him.
‘’Thanks’’ He told me softly. ‘’what did he mean that he didn’t want to see you like that again?’’ Adam asked and I looked up at him in panic before I looked down at my drink again,
‘’It was nothing’’ I told him,
‘’Tommy’’ Adam’s voice was soft as I swallowed slightly, the tone something I found myself not being able to lie too,
‘’For a few months I wasn’t well, I didn’t eat right, I fell in to a spiral of depression’’ I told him honestly as I closed my eyes slightly, wishing that I had left my music on to fill the silence around us, ‘’I was in a bad place after my break up, the record deal I was on went bust and I suffered greatly. I met Sutan one night when I went out to the golden gate, I was just stood against the railings just thinking about everything happening when he came along telling me that it wasn’t worth it, at first I was confused to what he was saying as I looked up at him and then realized quickly that he thought I was going to jump’’ I chuckled softly and glanced up at Adam to see him staring at me as my heart skipped a few beats to see the worried look on his face. ‘’we came back to town and got coffee and he could sense that there was something wrong on the underneath, so he told me to let him take me home, so that’s what we done, I went back to his, I spilled my guts out…I cried and threw up and he just looked out for me and still does’’ I shrugged out before picking my cup up and took a mouthful of hot coffee.
‘’But I don’t understand why he was so worried for’’ Adam said softly as I swallowed slightly.
‘’After we had become friends about three months or so after we met, I had a bad turn, my first album didn’t sell as well as we hoped for on the new label and it affected me’’ I told him quietly, ‘’I got depressed again and I hurt myself’’ I whispered quietly, the feeling of shame running through me as I remembered the look on Sutan’s face when he had found me.
‘’Tommy’’ Adam’s voice was closer before I felt his arms around me as he pulled me against him, my body twisted slightly as I buried my face in to his stomach, Adam’s scent was familiar and at the same time distant as his fingers moved through my hair and rested on the back of my neck before I pulled away at the sound of a door being opened and then closed again.

‘’Tommy dude just returning your guitar, you left it at mine the other night when you crashed’’ Hearing Monte’s voice, I stood up and moved towards the door as he came through with the case, ‘’shit boy, you look like hell. Have you been eating today? Taking your pill?’’ He asked as I swallowed slightly.
‘’Thanks, you suck, no and yes daddy I did, stop checking up on me, im not a kid’’ I answered back as he sighed and then finally noticed Adam.
‘’You must be the Adam I’ve heard all about, hi im Monte Pitman’’ He said as he walked over and held his hand out,
‘’Uh, hi’’ Adam said softly,
‘’Monte’’ I spoke out as I walked over and took my guitar case form him and he looked at me.
‘’Shut up and eat’’ He told me and I glared at him slightly.
‘’I will, mom is expecting me home for dinner, she’s expecting you and the girls too by the way’’ I told him as he chuckled softly.
‘’Fine, I will catch you later TJ, and it was nice meeting you Adam’’ Monte told him as he nodded.
‘’And you’’ He replied before I watched as Monte left.

Staring down at my guitar case, I bit my lip slightly before I turned and started to slowly walk towards the hallway again before I paused and glanced back at Adam who had sat back down at the island, his eyes on his hands on the top of the counter before I breathed in slightly.
‘’You can follow you know’’ I told him softly as he looked up, eyes meeting mine briefly before I turned and started walking again, my guitar banging against my leg every so often before I reached a locked door. Reaching up, I knocked the lock of the catch before I pushed it open and stepped inside, pulling one of the small amps over, I propped it open for Adam if he came along.
Walking across the room to where my desk was, I pulled the chair out and laid my case across its arms before I opened its clasps.
‘’Wow’’ Hearing Adam’s soft voice, I turned slightly to see him stood in the doorway looking around the large room as I turned back and pushed the lid open, moving the cloth I carefully pulled my guitar out of the case and headed over towards the racks on the wall and reached up to click it back in to its place again, finishing off the row of five different guitars. ‘’beautiful’’ Adam spoke out and I turned quickly and looked towards him before he swallowed and nodded towards the guitars behind me, ‘’they are beautiful’’ He told me as I looked over my shoulder and nodded.
‘’Yeah,’’ I sighed before I glanced across the room to where an empty case stood, ‘’just a shame my favorite one was stolen’’ I shrugged as I walked back towards my desk and closed my guitar case again and slid it down on to the floor beside it.
‘’Im sorry to hear, was it worth much?’’ Adam asked and I looked over to see him undoing the jacket of his uniform slightly,
‘’Money wise it wasn’t worth anything but the sentimental value was worth millions to me’’ I told him with a shrug as I sat down and looked through the piles of paper on the desk before I came across a disk and I looked down at it knowing that it was the demo disk which included the song which had started playing on the radio.
‘’What’s that?’’ Adam asked and I looked up from the disk to see him watching me.
‘’Nothing, just some demo cd’’ I told him as I threw it back on to desk again,
‘’Can I listen to it if it’s yours?’’ He asked and I felt my heart skip a few beats again as he walked in further, his army jacket sliding down his arms before he folded it over his arm neatly and I stood, hand flat against my desk as I looked back to the demo.

Breathing out slightly, I slowly picked it back up and held it in both of my hands slightly and stared down at it before I slowly crossed over to the stereo and turned it on, sliding the disk out its case and in to it, I bit my lip slightly and pressed play as I stood there staring as the first track started to play, soft music filling the room on the keys before the strum of a guitar started to follow along with the words.
Hearing the sound of fabric being placed down on something hard, I swallowed slightly and slowly turned to see Adam’s jacket over the back of my desk chair before I saw him walking around the room slightly having a look at things.
Watching him as he picked things up and then placed them down carefully again, I couldn’t help but smile to myself again, he was alive and walking around like nothing had ever happened to him. Letting my eyes fall over him slightly, I took in his shiny black boots, the combat trousers before the tight green tee shirt which hugged him in all the places I had remembered clearly, hearing the end of the first track, I looked away from him again as I walked towards the other side of the room to where there was a piano sat. Pulling the small stool out slightly, I sat down and let my fingers run over the keys softly as the second track started to play and I felt Adam turn slightly to look towards me knowing already that it was the track from the radio, I listened to the piano in it before I started to softly press down on the keys, the soft sounds slowly creeping around the room.
‘’You wrote this?’’ Adam asked softly as he walked over and stood next to the piano and I glanced up at him through my hair slightly as I nodded. ‘’when?’’ He asked as I looked back down again and let the keys slowly die out until it was just the track again.
‘’Three months, two weeks and six days after you had left’’ I said without thinking before I realized and blushed slightly, keeping my eyes down on the keys, I brushed my painted fingernails over each key again before I softly closed the lid.
‘’You never said anything in your letters’’ Adam said softly as his hand lightly touched against the wood of the piano and I shrugged.
‘’It wasn’t ever going to be anything, I didn’t even have the whole song finished but Sutan found it one day when he was going through my paper work trying to find my medical insurance’’ I told him as I finally looked up to meet his eyes. ‘’he made me sit down and play what I already had and then wouldn’t let me do anything else until it was finished, it was the song which got me on to my new label’’ I shrugged.
‘’It’s beautiful Tommy, really’’ He told me as we stared at each other again,
‘’I just wrote the music, Sutan came up with the words and some of the notes’’ I shrugged.

‘’I…what did you want to talk about Adam?’’ I asked him, ‘’because I really don’t think it was about my music’’ I knew I was putting up a defense but I knew I had to because otherwise I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me again like he did before Monte had turned up.
‘’I wanted to know why’’ He whispered softly and I turned to look away as I stood and turned,
‘’I told you why in my letter Adam, my  life wasn’t worth living when I didn’t have you in it, I was going crazy missing you all the time and I just couldn’t do that anymore’’ I told him as I walked across the room and out, heading back down to the kitchen, I ran my hands through my hair as I grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with some water, Adam’s footsteps echoing on the floor as I walked across and through the doorway leading in to the lounge where I sat down on the couch, my glass placed on the coffee table as I stared at the bottle of pills which was always sat there unless Roseanna was around.
‘’I told you that we could get through it together, I missed you just as much Tommy, I was in the middle of a god damn war never knowing when they next round of Taliban was going to attack, I was afraid to sleep because I thought that if I closed my eyes I would never wake up to see your smile again.’’ Adam spoke out as he walked in to the lounge and stopped in the doorway,
‘’Things change Adam, people change’’ I told him as he laughed,
‘’Nothing changed Tommy, you just stopped because you got scared, you ran away when things got hard, every day the thought of coming home to you kept me going and then you just left me through a letter!’’
‘’How else was I meant to do it Adam? I couldn’t actually get on a plane and fly to wherever you were at the time and tell you that it was over face to face could I’’ I said to him, voice a little higher as I turned ad stood again, my feet leading me over towards the windows. ‘’you have to face the fact that it’s over Adam’ I forced myself to say to him as I breathed out slightly.
‘’Say it to my face now Tommy, im stood right here unless you want me to get another pen and some paper so you can write everything out, I mean if you didn’t care Tommy, then why did you come to the hospital and sit with me?’’ Adam yelled back, ‘’why did you go visit my mom all the time, why Tommy?’’
‘’Because that’s what people do Adam, they care about others…’’ I yelled back to him as I turned around to face him, my next words disappearing from my tongue as I noticed the tears in his eyes.
‘’Then say you don’t love me anymore’’ He spoke out,
‘’Im sorry Adam’’ I whispered to him, tears in my own eyes as he shook his head and took a step back.
‘’You got me through the tour Tommy, you were my lucky charm’’ He breathed out,
‘’and what luck was I to you, you got fucking shot’’ I told him as he shook his head again.
‘’Yeah maybe, but do you want to know the last thing which ran through my mind when I did…it was you Tommy, no one else but you…I hoped that if I died, you wouldn’t suffer because I still loved you’’ Adam told me before he turned and stormed out the lounge, his booted feet echoing loudly through the hallway until the front door slammed and I felt the first tear fall over my cheek as I reached up and laid my hand over my chest, the feeling of his dog tags and ring laying under my shirt as I let my back slide down the window and I sat on the floor as I pulled them out and stared down at them with blurry eyes.

Chapter Text

‘’Hey are you sure that you are up for this gig tonight dude?’’ Turning away from where I was staring at the jacket, I nodded and dropped it back down in to my bag as I stood and walked towards him and the rest of the band which were waiting outside the doors.
‘’Im good, lets get this practice through okay, we don’t need to start tonight just to find that there’s errors in everything like last time, the sound was off so badly’’ Smiling as Isaac laughed and clapped me on the shoulder, I headed out with him before we worked our way through the hallway and out in to the small club we were playing at later that night.
‘’Tommy ‘’ Turning, I smiled towards Mia as she came running over, her arms folding themselves around my neck and hugging me tightly as I hugged her back,
‘’I was starting to wonder if you would make tonight’’ I told her softly as she laughed and pushed me away slightly.
‘’Of course I would stupid, im not missing tonight for anything, I can’t remember the last time you actually took time out from work to come play locally and I hear you have a written another song to end the set with’’ She teased as I laughed and nodded.
‘’Yeah I did, but just like the guys im not telling you anything, all they have is the music, the words are not going to be in the open until the set ending tonight’’ I told her as she pouted slightly and pushed me towards the stage.
‘’Just get on with your funk Tommy- Joe, im going to #go do a coffee run for you boys and be back in fifteen minutes tops’’ She laughed as I rolled my eyes and turned  towards the stage where I climbed up and grabbed my own guitar and slipped it over my head, my heart crashing against my chest as I thought about the song I wanted to end the set with, the song I had locked myself away to write ever since I saw Adam the week and half before hand.

Ω

‘’Hey It’s Mia’’ Sitting up slightly, I frowned as to why she was calling me.
‘’Hey, uh what’s up’’ I asked as she laughed softly, the sound of music filling out before the sound of a door opened and closed, the music fading slightly as she breathed out.
‘’Are you free tonight? There’s a gig playing at one of the small clubs and it would be good to see you there’’ She spoke out as I stood and moved towards the window to stare out of it.
‘’It’s Tommy isn’t, he’s the one playing tonight’’ I asked as she let a small giggle out,
‘’Yeah, I mean you don’t have to tell him that you’re there and I wont let him know but you’ve always said how you wanted to see him when he performed and he doesn’t play often like this anymore, he’s even written a few new songs lately for his own music and friends instead of the job he does’’ She laughed out a I smiled slightly and turned my eyes towards the two small photographs I still had of me and Tommy from the first date we went on.
‘’What time do you want to pick me up?’’ I asked as she squealed,
‘’I’ll be there at 7:45, the band goes on at 8:15 sharp and it will be busy so you won’t get spotted’’ She told me as I nodded to myself.
‘’Thanks Mia’’ I whispered out.
‘’Don’t mention it gorgeous, just make yourself pretty and leave the rest to me’’ Hearing the dial tone appear, I lowly pulled my phone away from my ear and locked it again before I pushed it in to my pocket and rubbed at my shoulder, a habit I had now as I felt the slight raised skin under my thin top, turning away from the window, I moved towards my wardrobe and started to look through it for something to wear tonight.

Pausing as I came upon my uniform, I breathed out slightly and touched the material before I sighed and pushed it aside, I knew I was missing my jacket and I knew that I had left it at Tommy’s but after the way our conversation had ended and the way I had walked away, I knew that I couldn’t go back just for the jacket, I would rather let him have it as a reminder of me than having to go through that pain again of seeing the tears in his eyes as he stood there. Shaking my thoughts away, I found some clean clothes and laid them out ready for later before I turned and left my room and headed downstairs to find something to eat.

Ω

‘’No…it’s not in that key, come on guys this has to be perfect please’’ I begged out as I turned back to the piano and heard a few sighs from behind me.
‘’Dude, maybe we should just take a break for a while, we’ve been doing this all afternoon’’ Isaac spoke out as I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair as I turned to look towards him sat behind the drums.
‘’This song has to be perfect Isaac, it means too much for anything to go wrong with it okay’’ I spoke out as he nodded once and looked towards the other guys.
‘’Alright, lets try this again, we can get it right’’ Isaac spoke out before sending a supporting smile towards me which had me smiling back before it turned back around to the piano and took a deep breath, my fingers moving up and started to press the keys down slowly, the only sound around us as I moved through the first few verse’s before Isaac came in with the drums softly.

Letting my eyes close as the last note was pressed down on the keys and faded away, I took a deep breath and pushed away from the piano before it turned and walked away from the rest of the group, I didn’t want them to see the tears I had in my eyes as I pushed through the doors and headed out on to the street where I crossed over the road and moved down on to the beach until I was sat in the sand near the waves, my heart crashing against my chest as I rubbed my palms against my eyes and tried to blink the tears away.
‘’Baby’’ Jumping, I spun around to see Mia walking towards me, a coffee in her hand which she handed over as she sat down beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. ‘’I heard the song, it sounds beautiful and im sure once the lyrics are sung it will be out of this world’’ She told me softly as I breathed out and nodded slightly. ‘’are you sure you are okay though, I mean you’ve never walked out like that before, the guys are worried that they messed it up again’’ She told me as I let a weak laugh out and shook my head.
‘’No it was perfect, im sorry…I...I just had a few things on my mind but its okay now, I’ll be okay later when we perform I promise’’ I told her as I pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head.
‘’Good’’ Mia spoke out to me as she sat up and pressed a kiss to my cheek, ‘’lets go back inside, people will be starting to turn up soon’’ She told me as she stood and I nodded.
Walking back in to the club again, I looked towards the other guys as I headed in to the dressing rooms and they turned towards me,
‘’you okay dude?’’ Isaac asked as I nodded softly,
‘’Listen guys, im really sorry for walking out like that, it wasn’t anything you done, you nailed the song perfectly its just all the thoughts I have in my mind at the moment’’ I told them as I walked in a little closer, feeling them grab me and pull me in to a tight group hug, I couldn’t help but laugh softly and wrap my arms around whoever was the closest as they laughed.
‘’You scared us for a while dude’’ Monte spoke out as I nodded a little,
‘’I know, im sorry but we are going to go out on that stage and kill it, tonight is going to be the show of all shows’’ I spoke out as they moved away and nodded.
‘’That’s my Tommy’’# Isaac laughed out as he hooked his arm around my neck,
‘’Thanks daddy’’ I teased as he laughed and pushed me slightly.
‘’Sophie wants you over for dinner soon too by the way’’ He told me as we walked over towards the mirrors and I smiled,
‘’Sure, you know I wouldn’t pass her cooking up for anything’’ I grinned as he laughed brightly.
‘’That’s settled then I don’t care what you have planned next week, the family will be expecting you

‘’twenty minutes until we are on guys’’ Monte called out and I glanced over at him as he offered a warm smile up and I nodded, ‘’so Tommy if there is anything you want to change you need to do it now’’ He teased as I laughed and shook my head.
‘’No everything is perfect, apart from Mia, has anyone seen her?’’ I asked with a frown once I realized I hadn’t seen her since we walked back in the club from the beach.
‘’I saw her by the bar not that long ago, maybe five…ten minutes ago, she was talking to someone on the phone’’ Nodding slightly I turned back towards Sutan as he walked over and grabbed my hands, his face serious as I swallowed slightly.
‘’Are you sure you want to do this tonight baby?’’ He asked and I nodded knowing that he was the only person apart from me who had heard both music and lyrics to the song.
‘’I need too Sut’’ I whispered as he nodded and pulled me in to a tight hug.

Ω

Walking in to the dark club behind Mia, I could hear the music already and the slight cheers from everyone around us as Mia’s hand caught mine again and tugged me softly towards the bar where we both ordered a drink, mine being just a soft drink for some of the medication I was still on for the pain in my shoulder.
Turning, I looked towards the stage to see the band already up and playing, Tommy’s body away from the microphone, and fingers on the strings he was watching as he played, hair hanging down in his face before I breathed out and felt Mia’s hand on my arm.
‘’He still doesn’t know you’re here’’ She told me slightly as I nodded and followed her towards a small table near the stage but also far enough that it couldn’t be seen from the stage itself with the bright lights. taking in the tight pants which hugged around his body, I couldn’t stop myself as I trailed my eyes over him, taking every inch in until they skipped over the leather jacket and back to his face as he stepped forward, lips parting as he started to softly sing, the sound blowing me away slightly as I glanced towards Mia to see her smiling fondly towards him.

‘’I know, I know its been a while’’ Tommy spoke out, laughter in his voice as the song faded away and he let the guitar swing around and down against his side as he adjusted the mic stand a little, ‘’so how about it, Monte’s still got it don’t you think?’’ He asked as he turned slightly and looked towards the other guy I remembered bringing a guitar back from when I saw Tommy last, a grin on his face as he laughed, the crowd agreeing slightly before the other man moved forward and went to push him playfully which earned another laugh from both Tommy and the crowd, ‘’okay maybe I shouldn’t be so mean to the old guy, I mean Isaac has kids too’’ Tommy grinned before looking back towards the drummer as he smirked and nodded with a shrug as he mouth something lost in the sound as Tommy laughed, ‘’well Roseanna is gorgeous, she’s lucky to have a goddaddy like me’’ He winked out. ‘’anyway, we just wanted to say thank you for coming out here tonight to see our sorry asses again, its been a while but it feels good to be back’’ He smiled out, ‘’so grab a beer, wine whatever the fuck you’re drinking tonight and enjoy the music’’ He laughed out before stepping away as new music started to play and he pulled his guitar around in front of him again, fingers moving back to the strings as he stepped towards Monte and grinned.

‘’I knew he was good with the music, but I never knew that it was this good’’ I told Mia honestly a few songs later as she laughed and nodded to me,
‘’I think this is the last song before Tommy does the one he wrote, I heard the music to it earlier before I headed out to get you and its beautiful’’ She told me as I nodded and turned back to the band, seeing as Tommy stopped playing and moved around slightly on the guitar solo of Monte’s, I tilted my head slightly as I noticed him moved a few things out the way before the large piano was pulled forward slightly and he disappeared off the stage, watching as he moved through the crowd, eyes scanning, I nudged Mia who turned as I nodded towards Tommy. ‘’don’t worry, I’ll keep him away’’ She told me before she moved and headed through and caught him by the arm as he went to turn towards where we had been sitting.

Five minutes later, the band getting some drinks and setting up for the last song, Mia returned and fell back in to the chair beside me and reached over, her hand squeezing mine softly with a smile which I returned.
‘’How is he?’’ I asked softly as she laughed softly and picked her fresh drink up,
‘’He’s nervous, afraid, proud, everything you could think off, he’s actually pacing the hallway right now out back well… he was when I left him again’’ She told me as I nodded and turned back as a few lights were changed over and went down, a few soft ones moving towards the stage as Tommy walked back on, seeing that he was wearing my army jacket and the faint outline of a ring and dog tags against his dark top on a chain, I felt my throat close up slightly and Mia’s squeeze my hand as I forced air down in to my lungs and turned to look at her.
‘’Did you know he was going to wear that?’’ I asked before she shook her head,
‘’I knew it was in his bag but he never said anything about having it on while performing, normally he prefers his leather jacket’’ She told me as I turned back as Tommy moved and sat down at the piano.

‘’This song is a little different from the others we have played tonight and sadly it is our last song on the set’’ Tommy spoke out softly in to the mic as the crowd booed a little, the slight smile turning his lips as he nodded. ‘’I know, I know it’s unfair but don’t blame me, blame Luke for giving us the time slot’’ Tommy grinned before waving towards someone at the bar as a few laughs echoed around the room. ‘’so as I said before, this song is different to the others, it’s my newest one actually and I only finished it yesterday’’ Tommy spoke out, a sad smile falling over his lips before he turned away and coughed slightly. ‘’im not going to give much detail in to the reason behind this song because im sure it will come across pretty clear in some way’’ Tommy finished saying before he turned back and pushed the sleeves of my jacket back up his arms as I swallowed softly. Listening as he started to press the keys down on the piano, I glanced over at Mia to find her watching him before I turned back myself to watch.
‘’It already sounds beautiful’’ I whispered as Mia nodded with a smile
‘’Time in time I thought through it all
How we loved and loved
and how we fought each other
Pushing one another
to be somebody else’’

Listening, I felt my own heart tighten slightly as I listened to the tone in Tommy’s voice, the way it came across softly yet still powerful, the talents clear in his voice as his body slowly rocked as he played.

‘’and time in time for the rest of my thoughts
certain if the end was right or wrong
and whether we should be together
or with somebody else

A lost memory
he had water in his eyes
He cried stay with me
Say how can this be love
if you’re leaving me
but darling loves to blame.’’

Choking on my drink slightly, I stared up at Tommy as he played, the others in the band slowly joining in to play softly behind the piano as the crowd stayed quiet, the emotion clear in his voice as he stared down at the keys before his eyes slipped closed.

‘’and I can’t see you right now
‘cause my heart just can’t take it
can’t be near you right now
‘cause I know you’re no longer mine
I can’t see you

It makes me ache that we had to break
even though I knew your heart so well
we’re strangers in different places
though we’re livin a mile apart

My best friends gone, my worlds been torn
we’ll never share a name of his be promed
but I will always remember the years we’ve spent in love

As Tommy sang, I could see the different emotions cross over his face, the way he kept his eyes on the piano in front of him instead of looking around like he had done through the other songs, feeling Mia squeeze my hand softly, I turned to look at her to see that she had tears in her eyes before she smiled softly and we both turned back.

‘’I still think of you
I pray that you were save
I’m still missing you
but it has to be this way
I’m not right for you
and that’s why love’s to blame

And I can’t see you right now
‘cause my heart just can’t take it
can’t be near you right now
‘cause I know you’re no longer mine
I can’t see you right now
‘cause my heart just can’t fake it
can’t be near you right now
cause I know you’re no longer mine

And I can’t see you
oh I can’t see you
I just can’t see you right now.

But maybe time will hear the hearts
and maybe after time you’ll understand
I take the darker side of me.’’

Hearing Tommy’s voice break in the middle of the song slightly as he sang the verse, I blinked away my own tears which had started to fill my own eyes before I noticed the band members each look towards each other before at Tommy again as he moved a hand up to his face and wiped at his cheek slightly, feeling my heart break slightly more at the sight of him broken, I felt Mia squeeze my hand tightly as I noticed a faint silvery looking mark across Tommy’s wrist as the light moved over him, the memory of his confession when we had first gotten back to his place replaying past my mind quickly as I choked on a breath slightly. I felt bad a little for taking so long to realize what the song was about before I reached up and wiped at my own eyes as I felt coldness slide down it.

‘’and I can’t see you right now
‘cause my heart just can’t take it
can’t be near you right now
‘cause I know you’re no longer mine
and I can’t see you right now
‘cause my heart just can’t fake it
can’t be near you right now
cause I know you’re no longer mine

And I can’t see you
no, I can’t see you
I just can’t see you right now

No I can’t see you
I just can’t see you
I just can’t see you right now

And loves to blame.’’

Watching as he pressed the last keys down, voice broken, I watched as Tommy tried taking a deep breath before he shook his head ‘’Im sorry’’ He spoke out before he was up on his feet and pushing away from the piano and running off stage before the last note even had time to fade away. Seeing the drummer and Monte looking after him before they turned to look at each other and Monte nodded, his own guitar being pulled off from his around his neck before he moved after Tommy.
‘’Mia’’ I whispered out to her as I turned to look at her slowly,
‘’I know Adam, I know sweetie’’ She whispered back before pulling me in to a hug as I felt a few more tears slide down, ‘’I didn’t realize he was hurting that much either Adam’’ She whispered in to my ear as I nodded, pulling away I moved my hands up and wiped at my eyes as I took a shaky breath.
‘’I need to see him’’ I whispered as Mia nodded and stood up, taking my jacket from her, I let her pull me up from the seat by my hand before she started to pull me through the crowd and out the back.

Ω

Running was the only thing I could think of doing as my voice broke with the emotion, I couldn’t believe that the tears had actually fell while I was still on the stage but I couldn’t keep them in as all the memories of me and Adam together came back as I sang.
Pushing the door of the room open, I let it fall shut heavily behind me as I walked over to my things and started to throw them back in to my bag harshly as my tears started to fall from my eyes again and blurring my vision slightly before I gave up and let myself collapse down on the floor as I pulled my legs closer to me as I cried my frustration and hurt out for the first time since Adam had stormed out.

Chapter Text

‘’Tommy’’ Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I jumped slightly and turned my head slightly to see Monte knelt beside me as I shook my head and rubbed at my eyes again as he sighed and moved to sit beside me before I felt him pull me in to his body, fresh tears falling from my eyes again as he curled his arm around my shoulder and one around my head as he whispered softly to me. ‘’its okay, just let it all out son’’ Monte whispered against my hair as I tried to curl myself up against his side as small as I could, ‘’just forget about the world’’
‘’I…I can’t’’ I sobbed out as his arms tightened around me, ‘’it hurts too much’’ I whispered out brokenly.
‘’It will Tommy, its love, you just have to be strong and try to get through all that pain’’ Monte whispered softly as the faint sound of the door opened.
‘’Is he okay?’’Someone asked as Monte’s hand moved from my shoulders to run down my back in a soft rub, I didn’t want to see anyone and I knew that I was acting like a child but I just couldn’t get myself over it, curling against Monte more, I brought my arm up and curled Adam’s jacket closer before the door was opened harshly and quick footsteps moved across the room until they stopped beside me and I felt myself get pulled to my feet and against another chest.
‘’Oh honey’’ Sutan cooed in to my ear as I held him tighter. ‘’come on, lets get you home’’ He whispered as I nodded against his chest and let him start to lead me out.
‘’Wait…my bag’’ I choked out,
‘’Already got it honey, don’t you worry about anything, let me take care of you’’ He told me softly, his arm pulling me back in to his side as I curled in to him, my eyes closed as I tried to stop the tears from falling, my trust in him to keep me safe was high with everything Sutan had already helped me through in the past.

Sat in the passenger side of my own car, I rubbed at my eyes again before I felt the gentle touch of Sutan’s hand on my thigh, turning to look towards him as he gave a small smile, I moved my own hand over his  and squeezed it softly.
‘’I’ll be okay, just need a little time’’ I whispered as he nodded softly and turned back to the road again.

Ω

‘’Hey Mia…Adam dude, Tommy didn’t say you were coming tonight’’ Looking up, I smiled weakly towards Isaac as he waved from across the room, Mia’s hand still in mine tightly.
‘’He didn’t know’’ Mia spoke out as she turned slightly to glance around, ‘’where is he?’’ She asked before I noticed Isaac glance towards Monte and another one of the band members.
‘’You just missed him’’ Monte spoke out,
‘’Yeah, Sutan took him home, he was in really bad shape Mia, I haven’t seen him like that before’’ Isaac spoke out as I swallowed slightly and slowly slipped my hand out of hers before she turned to look at me.
‘’Im…im just going to get going’’ I told her as she turned fully,
‘’Adam’’ She started to say before I shook my head.
‘’Really, I should. I have packing which needs done and the longer I leave it, the more it’s just going to be’’ I said before she looked up surprised.
‘’Packing, you going back on tour?’’ Isaac asked and I glanced over at him and shook my head,
‘’No, I got discharged on medical reasons from when I got shot, so basically im retired now’’ I told him as he nodded slowly,
‘’So where are you going?’’ He asked before I looked down slowly,
‘’I don’t know really, I was maybe thinking about heading up north for a while, maybe Washington, I have a few buddies up there I can stay with’’ I spoke out before looking up again, I could feel everyone who knew me staring at me, Mia’s eyes the most as her hand reached out for mine.
‘’You can’t leave Adam’’ She whispered as I shook my head and looked at her.
‘’I have to Mia, I don’t know what else to do here anymore, there was nothing here for me’’ I told her, tears in her eyes before her face fell stern.
‘’There’s Tommy’’
‘’She’s right Adam’’ Isaac spoke out as I looked towards him.
‘’Isaac, I know you and Mia are trying to get me to stay but you saw him yourself tonight, is that really the look of someone wanting me to stay in his life?’’ I asked as they glanced at each other, ‘’I didn’t think so, I think it would just be better if I left, it would help Tommy out to forget about me, to help him move on and find someone who he can really fall in love with and who can give him everything he wants and needs’’ I shrugged out.
‘’It doesn’t have to be like this’’ Mia whispered out as I turned back to look at her.
‘’Im sorry’’ I whispered to her.

Saying goodbye to them, I turned and headed back out the room and in to the hallway where I glanced around and turned towards the back exit and headed out quickly, the cold air as I breathed out and tried to push the tears back, I didn’t want to leave but I knew that only staying here would hurt us both. I also knew that running away was the coward’s thing to do, but I had to do something to help Tommy out.

Ω

Letting Sutan guide me in to the house, I numbly walked through and away from him before I slipped in to the music room and walked towards the desk before I settled down and let my eyes close as I leaned forward and rested my hands over my face as I breathed out deeply.
‘’Im going to put some tea on honey’’ Looking up and towards the doorway as Sutan passed, I nodded softly before I turned back and moved some of my sheet music around my desk before I paused and slowly pulled my drawer open, moving a few things around, I found the small box I was looking for and slowly pulled it up on top of the table.
Working the lid off slowly, I stared down at the photographs inside before I pulled them out and started to slowly look through them until I came to the two small ones of me and Adam. Breathing out slightly, I rubbed my thumb across the image before I quickly pushed them back in to the box and in to the drawer as Sutan’s footsteps moved back towards the room. ‘’couldn’t find any tea, you must be out so it’s just coffee baby’’ Sutan spoke out as he walked over and I nodded softly.
‘’That’s fine’’ I smiled weakly as he handed the cup over, wrapping my hands around the cup tightly.
‘’Do you want to talk about it?’’ He asked softly as I looked up and then down again, my eyes watching Adam’s dog tags and ring before I reached up and lightly touched my fingertips against them, sighing I dropped my hand away before leaning back in the chair and brought my feet up on to it.
‘’I love him, that’s all I can say’’ I told him quietly after a while,
‘’then you need to do something about it honey’’ Sutan told me as I looked down,
‘’He’s right Tommy’’ Jumping, I looked up towards Mia to see her standing there and I sighed a little,
‘’I regret giving you a key now’’ I mumbled out as I sipped at my coffee and looked back down.
‘’Tough, you did, but Sutan’s right, you need to do something about it before its too late Tommy’’ Mia spoke out as she walked in.

‘’Before it’s too late?’’ Sutan asked as I glanced up, ‘’what do you mean?’’
‘’He’s leaving, he’s going home tonight to pack and then he’s gone Tommy’’ Mia spoke out,
‘’Where is he going and what do you mean he’s going home?’’
‘’Hew was there tonight at the club, I invited him and he saw the set’’ Mia spoke out before I turned to look at her quickly, my heart crashing against my chest, ‘’yeah he saw you run off, he wanted to see you, he cried himself but by the time we got backstage and to the dressing room you were already gone, then he went and got this stupid idea that if he left and went off to Washington that it will be better for you, so that you go could and find someone else and fall in love with them, to help you forget about him because he doesn’t think he could give you what you would want or need Tommy’’ Mia gushed out as I stared at her.
‘’He was crying?’’ I asked before she laughed almost like she didn’t believe me.
‘’Of everything I’ve just told you, you pick up on the fact that he was crying’’ She asked.
‘’Even I was more concerned about the fact that he is planning on leaving because he thinks that it will help you to get over him honey’’ Sutan spoke out as I glanced over at him.
‘’So what am I meant to do’’ I asked, ‘’he thinks leaving will help out’’ I shrugged before I felt Sutan slap my legs slightly.
‘’Go to him Tommy, if you love him, go to him and tell him that before its too late and he’s gone, he didn’t say when he was leaving, just that it was going to happen when packed, he walked out pretty much after he told us’’ Mia spoke out,
‘’He wont want to see me, he was the one who walked out on me’’ I tried to say before Sutan sighed and pulled the cup from my hands and placed it on the desk before pushing my feet down.
‘’As Mia said, he came to the show tonight, he cried and wanted to see you that he came back stage to find you Tommy, what more is there to stop you from going?’’ Sutan asked as he pulled his keys out and held them out to me.
‘’I don’t even know where he’s staying’’ I whispered out as Mia sighed and walked over, watching as she leaned over me and grab a piece of paper and a pen, I watched as she scribbled something down before pushing it in to my hand.
‘’That’s the address of his apartment.’’ Mia told me before pressing a kiss to the top of my head, ‘’just talk to him sweetie, tell him that you still love him’’ She whispered as I stared at her before down at the address in my hands.
‘’So what are you waiting for?’’ Sutan asked as I looked up,
‘’What if he isn’t there?’’ I asked as he rolled his eyes and pointed to the door.
‘’There’s only one way to find out isn’t there Tommy’’ He told me as I took a shallow breath and nodded.
‘’Okay’’ I breathed out before I stood up and started to head out the room and out the house. Climbing in to Sutan’s car, I started it up before pausing as I stared down at the address again, my heart crashing against my chest before I threw the piece of paper on to the dashboard before I pulled out the drive and started on to the main road.

Ω

‘’Dude, you know you don’t have to leave’’ Isaac spoke out as I folded a few more shirts up and placed them in to my bag before I glanced over at him.
‘’What choice do I have really, Isaac?’’ I asked him as I sat down and ran a hand through my hair, ‘’I really am going insane here, I mean, since I was 17 my life has been with the army, im 23 now there’s nothing here Isaac’’ I breathed out as I looked up at him to see him perched on top of my dresser still.
‘’There’s Tommy, I know you want to leave for his good…but really, is that really going to help you?’’ Isaac asked as I sighed and looked away, my eyes moving down to my hands before I glanced up at the small photos tucked on to the photo frame on the bed side unit. Even over the past few years, they had stayed bright, Tommy’s smile clear before I sighed and slowly reached over and picked one up.
‘’Im doing this for him’’ I told him before the soft thud of him jumping down had me looking up at him.
‘’Adam, we’ve known each other as long as you and Tommy has known each other, I saw it in your eyes from that very first moment on the beach when Luke kept talking to him, you didn’t have to wrap your arm around him and save him from him, that night before I left, I could see you both getting closer together. Adam, running away isn’t going to fix things between you and our boy’’ Isaac spoke out as he walked closer and took the photo from my hand and replaced it with the other. ‘’why don’t you just come stay with me and Sophie for a day or two, im sure Roseanna will love to have another play mate around for a while’’ Isaac grinned as I looked at him.
‘’I don’t want to get in the way’’ I whispered as Isaac rolled his eyes.
‘’You won’t, it’s better than running away to another state Adam’’ He grinned as he grabbed my bag and started to head out my room.

Sighing to myself, I ran my fingers through my hair before I stood and looked around my room, the mess of it slightly from where I had thrown things around to look for things in which I wanted to pack and take with me, a few possessions tucked away with in it too before I grabbed my phone and keys and followed Isaac out, locking up, I glanced around the hallway before reaching up to touch along the small edge which ran above the doorframe until I came across the small box pushed and attached to the back, pushing the lid back slightly, I felt the spare key before I closed it again and pulled my hand away and double checked the apartment door.
‘’Oh Adam, how are you tonight?’’ Turning, I smiled towards my neighbor as I nodded slightly,
‘’Im okay Missy, how about you?’’ I asked as she chuckled softly and leaned down to pick her small dog up,
‘’Oh we are just grand thank you love, off anywhere nice, I saw the nice looking boy leaving with a bag’’ She asked as I sighed softly,
‘’Just staying with a friend for a few days’’ I told her before she nodded,
‘’Well good evening, we have to go feed this little one’’ She smiled.
‘’Goodnight Missy’’ I told her before I headed down and out the main door before I moved towards where Isaac had parked up when he brought me home, only to knock on the apartment door twenty minutes later.
‘’You ready’’ He asked once I got in the car, breathing out slightly, I sighed before shrugging,
‘’as ready as I could ever be when thinking about leaving’’ I told him as Isaac chuckled and started the car up.
‘’Alright, Roseanna’s in bed but I phoned Sophie quickly and she’s still up, can’t wait to see you again’’ He told me as I smiled lightly and nodded.

Driving in silence for a while, I ran my fingers through my hair and let my eyes close as I listened to the rumble of tires on tarmac, the soft hum of the radio playing on low and every so often the sound of another car passing, before long I felt the car roll to a stop and I opened my eyes to look up at a dimly lit house, the front door open and someone stood in the door way as both me and Isaac climbed out, my bag in his hands again quickly before we were walking towards the house.
‘’It’s nice to see you again Sophie’’ I said quietly as she nodded,
‘’and you too Adam, come on, lets get you some tea’’ She said softly before her arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me inside and in to the kitchen.

Ω

Pulling up outside the apartments, I shut the engine off before I grabbed the address of the dashboard and looked down at it before I looked up at the apartment building again, the warmth spreading through my stomach as I climbed out the car and locked it up, the address still tight in my hand as I moved closer and walked inside, glancing down once more, I counted along the doors until I found myself standing outside of Adam’s the nerves replacing the warmth as I felt my heart beat faster, as I raised my hand and knocked against the door loudly.
Knocking a few times and getting no answer, I found myself starting to panic slightly before I took a step away and looked over, knowing Adam he had to of left a spare key somewhere for his family. Frowning when I couldn’t see anything, I stepped closer to the door again and looked down at the planted pot beside it before I crouched and dug my fingers around the edge before I glanced underneath, sighing, I stood back up again and tested my balance slightly as I placed a foot on it, pushing myself up slightly, I grabbed hold of the small ledge with one hand as I brought the other up higher.
‘’Can I help you son?’’
‘’Shit’’ I cursed out as I jumped and tumbled from the pot slightly, my side connecting with Adam’s door as I slid down it and looked up to see her looking towards me.
‘’If you’re looking for Adam, he isn’t home’’ She told me as I swallowed slightly, ‘’he left about an hour ago’’ Feeling my chest tighten as I stared, I slowly pulled my eyes away and sat up a little more as I found it harder to breath…he was gone, Adam was really gone and I was too late. ‘’Son are you okay?’’ Looking up as she stepped closer a little, I swallowed a little before I nodded.
‘’Did he say where he was going?’’ I asked, a small amount of hope in my heart that it wasn’t too far away,
‘’Not really, just said that he was going to stay with a friend for a couple of days, im assuming it was the same boy who was with him’’ She said as I nodded.
‘’Can you remember what he looked like?’’ I asked, my heart beating widely again as she smiled and nodded.
‘’About your height, I would say, he had short brown hair and a very large smile, I believe he also dropped young Adam home, dressed in black pants and a white shirt’’ She told me as I grinned slightly.
‘’Isaac…shit, thank you so much’’ I told her with a slight laugh before I pushed myself up on to my feet and ran out the apartment building, Adam was with Isaac, of all the people he could’ve gone to stay with, it was Isaac.

Pulling away from Adam’s apartment, I pressed my foot down on the gas pedal and just hoped that I wouldn’t be pulled over along the way. Before I knew it, I was at Isaac’s, the bottom lights still on as I parked up and killed the engine. Up and out the car, I half ran towards their front door and let my fist bang against it as I leaned my other and against the doorframe, breath heavy and tears in my eyes again as the front door opened and Sophie stood there with a soft expression on her face.
‘’Where is he?’’ I whispered out as the first tear fell.

Chapter Text

‘’You better come in honey’’ Sophie said softly before I stared at her, a hand coming up to wipe at my eyes quickly as I breathed out shakily.
‘’Where is …where is Adam, I know he came home with Isaac’’ I got out before she sighed softly.
‘’He isn’t here Tommy’’ She told me before I felt my heart crumble slightly more.
‘’No he has to be here…his...his neighbor said he was…Adam has to be here’’ I whispered out as she looked at me sadly.
‘’Im sorry honey, they left about twenty minutes ago’’ She told me as I staggered back slightly and turned to look towards the car, body already turning before I felt a hand curl around my wrist, pulling me back, ‘’Tommy stop, you can’t drive like this sweetie, its not safe’’ Sophie told me as I felt more tears fill my eyes.
‘’I have to stop him…I love him Sophie, I can’t let him get away’’ I cried out slightly before she frowned and pulled me closer, her arms folding themselves around my body as I finally let myself break down and cry again, this time, the hurt and pain of finally loosing Adam making everything feel so much more worse as I held on to her tightly. ‘’I love him’’ I whispered out as she pressed a soft kiss to the top of my head.
‘’I know Tommy, I know you do sweetie, come on, lets get you inside okay’’ She whispered as I nodded numbly and allowed her to guide me in where she closed the door again and pushed me towards the lounge where I fell on to the couch, legs pulling up against my chest as I buried my face against my knees again, tears still falling as I felt the couch dip beside me and then Sophie’s loving arms pulling me down against her again, hands rubbing over my covered arms and petting my hair softly as she whispered soothing things in to my ear.
‘’It’ll be okay Tommy, I promise you okay, everything will be okay’’ She whispered as I shook my head and tried to wipe at my tears which just caused more to fall,
‘’He’s gone Sophie, there’s nothing left now, nothing is going to be okay, Adam’s gone and its all my fault’’ I spoke out, voice rising slightly before she hushed me and pulled my head against her shoulder softly, lips pressing against my forehead as a hand stroked over my back, the touch so tender and loving which made me feel even worse as more sobs broke free.
‘’Momma, why is Uncle Tommy crying’’ Sniffing slightly, I rubbed at my eyes and pulled away slightly to see Roseanna stood in the doorway rubbing her eyes tiredly.
‘’Shit’’ I muttered before sitting up and rubbed at my eyes again before I offered a small smile over to her as she walked closer, ‘’im okay Rosy, just a little sad that’s all’’ I told her as she tried climbing in to my lap, helping her up, I curled my arms around her softly ass she yawned and leaned against my chest.
‘’Did you have a nightmare Uncle Tommy? Is that why momma’s hugging you, she hugs me when I have nightmares’’ She asked softly and I let a wet laugh out before burying my face in to her hair softly, she was so innocent and unaware as I slowly nodded before pulling away again.
‘’Yeah, I had a nightmare baby, momma was making it better’’ I told her softly as Sophie stood and pressed a kiss to both of our heads and headed out the room.

Sitting back, I pulled Roseanna closer to me as I curled up against the back of the couch slightly, my fingers running through her dark hair as she yawned again and curled in to my chest tighter,
‘’It’s okay Uncle Tommy’’ She said softly before reaching up, her little hand petting at my cheek before I realized that I was crying silently again, ‘’monsters aren’t real remember, you told me that’’ She told me as I smiled weakly and hugged her closer again.
‘’I know angel, I know’’ I told her as she smiled softly
‘’I can stay with you if you want Uncle Tommy, I can protect you from them’’ Laughing softly, I pressed a kiss to her cheek before she cuddled closer again and let another loud yawn out.
‘’Just go back to sleep baby, we can look after each other okay’’ I told her as she nodded before pushing her little stuffed teddy between us as I wiped my cheek on my sleeve and buried my face against her hair softly, eyes closing as I tried to even my breathes out.

.o0o.Adam.o0o.

‘’Pull over Isaac’’ I breathed out suddenly.
‘’What…are you okay?’’
‘’Just pull over now’’ I said a little louder before the car turned and quickly slowed down before I threw my seatbelt off and climbed out the car, breathing the night air in large breathes, I paced back and forth slightly before running my hands through my hair as Isaac climbed out the car and leaned against the roof slightly.
‘’Is everything okay’’ he asked as I turned to look at him in the darkness, the streetlight a few meters away casting a low light before cars passed every so often.
‘’What am I doing Isaac?’’ I asked as I turned and started to pace slightly, my footsteps leading me further from the car before back again, ‘’I mean…what am I doing? Why am I running for, its stupid, I‘ve been fucking shot and been in a war pretty much since I was 17 so why the hell am I running for, im scared and I don’t know why’’ I breathed out, the sound of a car door shutting barely breaking through before I felt hands grab me and I let my eyes turn to Isaac’s face.
‘’Just calm down a little Adam…that’s it deep breathes’’ He told me as I nodded and took a few deep breathes before I let him lead me back over to the car and opened the door again, sitting down with my feet on the ground slightly, I leaned forward on my knees as I pushed my hands in to my hair and took a soft breath before letting it out again as Isaac rubbed my back. ‘’look why don’t you just come back and stay with me and Sophie for a few days huh, we love having you around and Roseanna loves it too’’ Isaac told me softly as he crouched down, ‘’give it time and think things over with what you really want, I mean you pretty much changed your mind quite quickly once we had gotten back to ours from yours’’
‘’But I will be in your way’’
‘’No you wont okay, you can have the guest bedroom for as long as you need’’ Isaac told me, looking at him for a while, I slowly nodded before he grinned, ‘’good lad, now come on, lets get back home and have a nice hot cup of coca and head to bed, its been a long night and im tired as fuck from the gig’’ He chuckled as I slowly turned around and climbed back in to the car fully and let Isaac close the door.

Driving back in silence, I let myself think about everything which had happened over the years since being deployed the very first time to meeting Tommy and then the rest of the years and then finally getting shot.
‘’You okay over there?’’ Hearing Isaac’s voice, I turned slightly to look at him to see him glancing over before back again.
‘’Huh?’’
‘’You’re not in pain are you?’’He asked and I glanced down as he nodded to realize I had been rubbing at my shoulder which I quickly moved away from again as I shook my head,
‘’No sorry, just thinking about things, I don’t really realize that im doing something like that’’ I told him as he nodded and smiled softly towards me,
‘’No need to be sorry Adam, I still rub the small scar on my arm sometimes without acknowledging it, it’s a habit we get’’ He shrugged out as I nodded and turned back to stare through the glass before I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against it.

‘’Man down…Man down’’ Voices yelled out as the sound of gun fire got closer, the sounds of the choppers overhead drowning it out slightly before another round went off above my head.
‘’Pull back now’’ I yelled out before moving back slightly with my men, the sound of gun firing back and forth loud in my ears as I quickly moved towards another soldier who was pulling one of the falling, one hand holding on to his uniform while the other held his gun, ready to fire at any moment as I grabbed the soldiers uniform on the other side and we pulled him to safety quickly. ‘’seize fire…men I said seize fire, save it until you can see them’’ I yelled out over the noise again.
‘’Serge’’ Hearing the yell, I turned just as a member of the other side came verging out form the ruined buildings in which he had ducked down behind, fumbling for my gun, I felt it catch on my uniform before I stumbled back slightly and finally got it free before rising it up, finger pulling against the trigger.
Feeling the gun jam, I turned back to look at the guy who was getting closer, his own gun rising up and aiming towards me as I fumbled for the hand pistol tucked in to the pocket of my uniform before loud gun fire echoed from above my head and the guy fell. Turning I looked towards Eric before letting a breath out as I let myself fall back, eyes closing before I felt a hand bracing my shoulder tightly.

‘’Adam…’’ Groaning slightly, I shifted before a strong hand gripped my shoulder again and I flashed opened my eyes and sat up quickly, eyes wide as I turned around to stare at Isaac who’s own eyes was just as wide before I noticed my hand on his wrist, letting go quickly, I let a shaky breath out before running my hand over my face.
‘’Im sorry…fuck…are you okay, I didn’t hurt you did I?’’ I asked before he chuckled softly and shook his head.
‘’No you didn’t…must have been some dream’’ He spoke out before I swallowed and glanced out the window to see that we were parked up outside the house again. ‘’come on lets go get some well needed rest solider’’ Isaac grinned out towards me before he unbuckled his seatbelt and started to climb out the car, trying to push the dream or memory, I still couldn’t decide back, I slipped out the car and closed the door again before walking around to see Isaac with my bag which I softly took from him as we walked up towards the house, the lights still on low as he opened the door up and walked inside and turned them up slightly before Sophie quickly appeared and turned them back down again with a pointed stare, a finger moving to her lips as she nodded towards the lounge.
‘’Oh shit…Isaac, what happened to your wrist?’’ She whispered out and I turned to see her hands moving to where there were bright red marks and I swallowed slightly as he flinched.
‘’You said I didn’t hurt you Isaac’’ I spoke out as I dropped my bag and moved closer,
‘’It’s fine, im fine Adam, stop worrying, I shouldn’t of woken you up like I did, I could see that you was having a bad dream and I didn’t think, you only moved to instincts’’ He told me quietly before he turned back to his wife, ‘’and why are we whispering anyway?’’ He asked before she sighed and softly glanced towards me before back again.
‘’We have a guest, Roseanna woke up and I went to get her a drink to take her back to bed with but when I walked back in, they were both asleep, I didn’t have the heart to wake him up to move her, but he looks so uncomfortable’’ She whispered before we followed her in to the lounge quietly.
Seeing Tommy curled around Rosanna, I felt my heart skip a few beats before Isaac walked over and smiled softly before it fell again.
‘’Has he been crying again?’’ He asked quietly as he started to carefully move Tommy’s arm slowly to get to his daughter as Sophie nodded as he glanced up.
‘’He was a mess when he got here but he fell apart once I told him that he had missed you guys by like twenty minutes, tried to go after you but I had to stop him Isaac, I couldn’t let him drive like that’’ She said softly as I let my eyes move back to Tommy’s sleeping form again before up at Isaac as he shh’ed at Roseanna as she stirred slightly as he picked her up and laid her against his chest, ‘’he came looking for you Adam’’ She said quietly and I turned my eyes to look at her before back again,
‘’But why?’’ I asked as Isaac shifted slightly,
‘’I think Mia told him you were leaving, after you walked out and before I moved after you she said that she was going to Tommy’s to talk some sense in to him’’ He admitted quietly as he walked over, lips pressing a kiss to his daughter’s head before he leaned over and kissed Sophie softly, ‘’im going to put her back to bed and get myself some sleep too, im beat after tonight’’  He whispered as she nodded,
‘’I’ll be up soon’’ Sophie whispered back as she smiled and moved Rosanna’s hair slightly.
‘’Night Adam’’
‘’Night Isaac’’ I found myself replying as I slowly moved closer to Tommy and perched on the edge of the coffee table just staring at him, now that I was closer, I could see the redness under his eyes slightly, the slight remains of makeup left on his cheek just under his left eye before the trail of dried up tears which made me want to reach out and pull him in to a hug.

Watching silently as Sophie came back in and moved over to the couch, a blanket pulling up over his body slowly before she carefully moved him around so that he was laid on the couch more than sat up at an awkward angle like he had been before with Roseanna.
Letting out a slight breath, I watched as Sophie turned away from Tommy and smiled sadly at me before her hands moved to my shoulders and rubbed them softly. ‘’Come on sweetie, lets get you in to bed and get some rest, its been a busy day for everyone’’ She whispered before I let her softly pull me up before pushing me towards the lounge doorway where I quickly threw a glance over my shoulder towards Tommy again before I silently turned and walked up the stairs.
Being shown in to the guest room, my bag already on the bed which Isaac must off picked up one the way up, I kissed Sophie’s cheek again before saying goodnight as she left, the silence of the room slowly growing all around me as I stared towards the closed door. Standing, I turned quietly and started to unzip my bag to gather out a pair of sweat pants which I had packed along with a tank top before I quickly changed in to them and folded my clothes neatly and rested them on top before I moved towards the doorway and clicked the light off.
Standing in the silence and darkness for a few minutes, I let a shallow breath out before I moved closer to the bed and pulled the covers back and crawled under and tucked the covers closer under my chin as I turned over and stared in to the darkness.

Feeling restless for a while, I let a loud sigh out and turned back over to my back again as I pushed the covers away and curled my arm under my head, my mind going through everything which had happened while deployed overseas and I couldn’t seem to get myself to forget enough to fall asleep.
Realizing that I wouldn’t be sleeping at all, I let my mind wonder down to the couch where Tommy was sleeping and how he often felt knowing that he suffered with insomnia a lot in the past, I wondered if he still had trouble with it or if he had peaceful nights.
Letting another breath out, I pushed the covers away and stood, my hand reaching up briefly to touch against my shoulder where my fingertips found the rough skin where the bullets had torn through, letting a slight shiver out at the pain and memory, I moved through the room and pulled the door open quietly, pausing just long enough to listen,  making sure I hadn’t woken anyone up, I quietly crept back downstairs and moved past the lounge where I could hear Tommy’s soft breath before I headed in to the kitchen and flicked the light on low, the light still stinging my eyes slightly as I moved towards the cupboards and quietly found a glass which I filled with water and leaned back against the counter and slowly sipped at it eyes closed.

‘’You know serge, if I batted for your team, I would certainly try and hit on you, your Tommy is one lucky son of a bitch’’ Eric called out as I turned to look back at him in the jeep, a grin on his lips as I laughed.
‘’I think this desert heat has finally gotten to your head Eric’’ I teased out with a wink which sent laughter through the few men in the jeep with u before I turned my head and looked back out front, gun ready and posed in my lap for any sign of trouble as I let my eyes sweep over the road we were currently driving along.

Up ahead, another two jeeps were carrying men before they started to slow down and I reached over to tap on Danny’s shoulder before nodding forward towards the others.
‘’What do you think is going on serge?’’ He asked before I shook my head and tapped a finger against my gun before reaching up and doing the same against my breast pocket where I knew my photo of me and Tommy was.
‘’No idea, but slow down, im going to get out and walk…Eric…Saunders with me, Dawson take the back’’ I told the men as they nodded and Danny slowed down enough to keep moving and still let us climb out safely. Walking a few steps, I kept my eyes open still before I looked towards Eric who glanced over and shrugged slightly before there was a voice from up ahead, turning back I crouched low and moved quickly towards the second jeep where another officer was walking beside it. ‘’What’s the 4.0’’ I asked as he looked over.
‘’We don’t know, first jeep radioed in about mines up ahead a while back but we cleared the zone with no problems, but they slowed down again but radio silence has taken over, we tried to contact both jeep one and your team but it seems we have lost signal’’ He told me quickly as I nodded and motioned for Eric to move around to stay watch with Dawson.
‘’No man’s land, should’ve realized that sooner,’’ I told them before there was a crackling and we both turned just as a loud bang echoed through the space around us, a blast forcing us back and on to the ground as we quickly covered our heads and rolled closer to the second jeep as the first exploded.

Hearing the cracking of glass and the feeling of a wetness against my cheek, I breathed out and slowly turned back to see the dark black smoke quickly rising from the wreckage of the first jeep,
‘’Shit, back down,’’ I called out loudly, a hand moving up to stop the jeeps from going anywhere else before Danny leaned out.
‘’What’s going on serge’’
‘’Land mines, we lost number one…stay put, we are going in to check’’ I called back as he nodded and leaned back in to the jeep again, through the window I could see him clutching his gun tightly as he scanned the area around us.
Waving the officer with me around, we crept closer slowly, our eyes on the ground looking for trip wires before we peered in to the remains of the jeeps, the stench quickly making me cough and turn where I felt my insides heave slightly but managed to hold on as the smell of death rose up with the smell of burning metal.

‘’Adam…come on mate…Adam’’ Hearing voices break through, I quickly jumped again and pressed back as I let my eyes open to see a tired looking Isaac crouched in front of me, Sophie behind him slightly before I breathed out deeply and raised a hand to look down at it, there was no blood covering it, just water from where the glass had fallen from my hand and smashed before I fell against the cupboards, the memory of hearing a loud bang from outside making me jump and duck down quickly just as I the memory of the roadside bomb went off.
‘’Sorry…im sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up, go back to bed, im fine’’ I told him as I tried to slow my breathing slightly as Sophie stepped forward and I shook my head and held a hand out, ‘’don’t the glass broke’’ I told her as my eyes fell to the floor again and I took the shattered glass and split water in.
‘’Are you sure, you’re shaking like hell’’ Isaac said softly as I nodded,
‘’Yeah im fine, just heard a bang from outside and it made me jump, it was silent before, wasn’t expecting it…wasn’t expecting the jeep exploding…running my hands through my hair, I closed my eyes again before opening them to turn and look at the others again, the worried expressions still on their faces as I smiled weakly, ‘’I promise, im fine, I woke up and just came down for a glass of water’’ I told them before Isaac glanced back at his wife and back again before he nodded and slowly stood.
‘’Alright dude, try not to break any more glasses or we might have to invest in Roseanna’s beakers for you’’ He teased as I let a small laugh break from my throat as I nodded slightly.
‘’Got you loud and clear’’ I told him as he grinned.
‘’Alright, go back to bed solider’’ Isaac told me, hand squeezing my shoulder reassuringly before he turned and started to walk away, looking up, I froze slightly as I noticed Tommy stood quietly in the doorway, his arms folded around his chest slightly as he looked towards me but I could see that his eyes was looking down at my shoulder where I knew the scars were showing from beneath my tank top, turning away again, I reached a hand up and rubbed against it as I slowly pulled myself to my feet, careful of the broken glass where I grabbed a few paper towels of the counter and started to clean the mess up.

Glancing over my shoulder, I noticed that I was alone again, the three of them gone before I turned back and let a soft breath out and paused to run my hands through my hair again before I covered my face and pulled away again, my eyes staring at my hands which were shaking strongly still.
Cleaned up and glass all in a bag and in the bin, I left the kitchen and paused in the lounge door again and looked towards the couch which was being lit up by the silent TV, Tommy’s body curled up again and an arm tucked under his head, brown eyes closed as I slowly walked in and over to where he was sleeping.
On the inside, I wanted to reach out and softly shake his shoulder to wake him up, to get him to move over so I could lay beside him and wrap him up in my arms tightly to take away all our fears, but I knew that I couldn’t do that, he hadn’t spoken to me in the kitchen before hand and I wasn’t sure if he was truly here for me despite what Sophie had said, it hurt inside knowing that I wasn’t there for him when he needed me by his side in life, I felt like I should’ve told the chief that I wasn’t going to sign up for another tour, that I was needed home where I could’ve stayed with Tommy, looking after him and helping him with his own dreams.
Breathing my regrets out on a small choked up breath, I knelt beside the couch and softly pulled the covers up over his small frame more before I lightly ran my fingertips through his soft hair,
‘’God’’ I whispered out before I swallowed slightly and looked down at his sleeping face, leaning forward I  lightly brushed a soft kiss against his forehead and let my eyes close before I pulled away and stared down at him again, ‘’im so sorry Tommy…for everything’’ I whispered out to him as I brought my hand down and let my thumb rub against his cheek lightly ‘’I should’ve been home for you…with you, not away at war playing with guns’’ I whispered before I pressed another kiss to his forehead and moved to my feet before I quickly headed back upstairs and back to the guestroom where I closed the door and left the lights on as I moved back to the bed and climbed in, my back against the wall slightly as I swallowed.

.o0o.Tommy.o0o.

Hearing Adam’s footsteps fade away, I let my eyes open again as a tear slowly slid down over the cheek he had touched, the feeling of his warm but slightly rough hand still lingering along with the touch of his lips to my forehead as I curled up tighter and squeezed my eyes shut again as more tears threatened to spill.

When I had woken to the sound of glass breaking and footsteps moving down the stairs, I had gotten up quickly and followed both Sophie and Isaac in to the kitchen where we had found Adam sat against the cupboard doors, his knees against his chest and eyes shut as his hands leaned against his ears, almost as if he was trying to get himself as small as he could…almost like he felt scared…I had watched as Isaac called his name a few times, his eyes opening and hands moving away but still not recognizing Isaac’s voice before he had softly touched his shoulder, blue eyes turning to stare at him.
I could see that there was something on Adam’s mind as he dismissed Isaac quickly in telling him that he was okay but I knew that he wasn’t, there was still something there telling me that he wasn’t as strong on the inside as he looked on the out, I had stepped closer to move towards him before my eyes had landed on his shoulder, the scars from the bullet wounds clear as day in the moonlight which fell against it and I felt myself freeze before Sophie had guided me back to the lounge again with a kiss to my cheek before she left again.

I wanted to go back in, help Adam clean the broken glass away, but I felt afraid myself and I didn’t know why, instead I had turned their TV on and muted it before curling up on the couch and faked being asleep when I heard Adam’s soft footsteps about twenty minutes later.

I knew I was screwed, my heart still belonged to Adam, but I just didn’t know what to say to him, and it felt like he was the same way as me as I finally felt sleep tug me back under again.

Chapter Text

‘’You look like shit man’’ Turning slightly, I stared at Isaac as he dropped down in to the armchair across from the couch.
‘’Thanks’’ I yawned out before shifting slightly and rubbed at my eyes, sitting up, I tugged the covers around me more before I glanced around the quiet house, ‘’what time is it?’’
‘’Just a little before seven, Roseanna woke me up’’ Isaac chuckled before running his hands over his own face as small footsteps came running down over the stairs, brown locks flying before I felt Rosy jumping on me, her arms wrapping around my neck tightly as I laughed.
‘’Morning Uncle Tommy’’ She quipped before pressing a wet kiss to his cheek, ‘’did the nightmares go away?’’ She asked, her eyes wide as I smiled lightly and nodded,
‘’Yeah they went away honey’’ I smiled softly,
‘’Im glad’’ She grinned before her hands moved away, ‘’Uncle Adam’s here too you know’’ She beamed, my heart pounding slightly as I smiled weakly and nodded.
‘’I know sweetheart, I know’’ I told her as I pulled a hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as Sophie came walking in with a cup of coffee in both hands. Taking the cup from her, I smiled softly before watching as she moved over to her husband and handed him the other with a kiss to the lips.
‘’Momma, can I go wake Uncle Adam up for breakfast?’’ Roseanna asked, Sophie’s eyes glancing over towards me as I dropped them slightly and lightly nodded.
‘’Sure honey but if Uncle Adam wants to stay in bed, let him okay’’ Sophie spoke out as Rosy climbed off my lap carefully and nodded. Watching as she ran out the room again and her feet slapped against the stairs, I buried back down against the couch and covers again as I sipped at the coffee.
‘’How are you feeling this morning’’ Sophie asked as I glanced up and shrugged slightly.
‘’Better knowing that he is still here but scared that he doesn’t want to talk to me or anything’’ I told her honestly, ‘’he looked so scared last night when we found him in the kitchen, I know there was something going on…something which he wasn’t telling is’’ I whispered.
‘’Momma’’ Turning to look towards the door, I sighed and turned back again,
‘’Im sure he is okay Tommy, just jumped when he heard the car outside’’ Isaac said and I shook my head.
‘’It was in his eyes, there-‘’ I started to say before footsteps came running again,
‘’Momma…momma, daddy…Uncle Adam isn’t in the bedroom’’ Roseanna called out as she walked over to Sophie and Isaac, my eyes watching her before I looked up at the two off them.
Where do you think he could be?’’ I asked before Sophie shook her head,
‘’I’ll go check his things’’ Isaac spoke out as he got up and headed back upstairs again.
‘’There wasn’t anyone in the bathroom when I came down or kitchen…’’ She started to say before the front door opened and we all turned towards it as it closed again and Adam came in to view.

Breathing out slightly, I let my eyes trail over the pants which Adam was wearing, his jeans tight and neat all the way down to the boots he was wearing, their laces tight before I slowly raised my eyes to see the shirt tight across his chest, the jacket neat as his eyes looked over every one before I swallowed and dropped my eyes to my coffee cup.
‘’Adam’’ Hearing Isaac’s voice, I glanced back up again to see Adam turning his body slightly to see him coming down the stairs, ‘’where the heck have you been man…shit you had us worried and I was worried then, I mean your bed was made and it looks like it hasn’t been slept in and your bags are still all packed’’ Isaac gushed out as he jumped the last steps and walked over, ‘’where the hell have you been?’’
‘’Uh…im sorry, I didn’t mean to cause panic, I just couldn’t sleep so I went out for a walk and brought breakfast for everyone’’  Adam spoke out as I worried my bottom lip between my teeth.
‘’Uncle Adam, did you buy pancakes?’’ Roseanna asked as she ran over and tucked at Adam’s perfect clothing, his head turning towards her before he smiled and crouched down, his arm curling around her waist before picking her up, a small playful scream leaving her lips as she threw her arms around his neck.
‘’Why don’t we head in the kitchen and find out huh princess?’’ Adam asked as she grinned,
‘’that sounds amazing, momma come with us’’ Roseanna called out as Sophie threw a small glance towards me before she turned with a smile and stood up.

Watching them leave, I breathed out and brought my cup back to my lips as I sipped at it, eyes closing as I tried to fight back my different thoughts, feeling the couch dip beside me, I opened my eyes and turned to look at Isaac as he clapped his hand on my covered knee.
‘’Come on dude, lets get some food in you’’ He smiled softly before getting up again and pulling at the blanket, sighing, I pushed the covers away softly and glanced down at the borrowed sweat pants of Isaac’s, ‘’he’s not going to bite, just be friendly’’ Isaac reminded him as he squeezed my shoulder before walking out the room.
Following him out in to the hallway slowly, I kept my fingers wrapped around the cup as Adam’s laughter floated out from the kitchen and I paused, the sound reminding me of the first two weeks we had spent together, squeezing my eyes shut and taking a breath, I opened them again before I slowly walked towards the doorway like I had last night. Peering inside, I glanced towards the breakfast bar where they were all sat before I slowly walked over and lowered myself in to the chair beside Sophie as she smiled and pushed a closed box towards me. Taking a sip of my drink again, I pushed the cup down on to the table before I started to slowly open the covered box, staring down at the fruit pancakes with extra sugar on top, I breathed in a little and took the fork which Sophie nudged against my hand.
‘’Thanks’’ I told her quietly as she nodded and squeezed my wrist softly.

Looking up towards Roseanna and Adam, I watched as he reached over and brushed sugar on to her nose, her laugh filling the room as Isaac came over with the coffee pot and refilled the cups.
‘’Uncle Adam that’s silly’’ Rosy laughed as she rubbed at her nose,
‘’Im allowed to be silly with you’’ Adam told her before sticking his tongue out, letting a small smile fall over my lips before it fell again as Roseanna moved and jumped up on to Adam’s lap and a small grimace of pain flashed over his face before it dropped again almost as quickly as it had appeared.
‘’So did you manage to get back to sleep last night?’’ Isaac asked before Adam looked away from Rosy and looked up,
‘’Yeah, I guess a glass of water was all I needed’’ Adam grinned out but I couldn’t help but notice the small look in his eye I knew he often got when he lied, letting a small breath out, I turned back to my breakfast and slowly dragged the fork around it before I slowly raised a piece of the fruit to my mouth and pulled it off the fork.
‘’That’s good, anyway unless Tommy has anything planned today I was thinking how we could head to the beach’’ Isaac spoke out and I raised my head slightly to look at him before I shook my head.
‘’Nothing planned’’ I told him quietly as I put my fork down and fiddled with the sleeves of my top before I wrapped my hands around my coffee again and took a sip. Offering a small smile back to Isaac as he sent a large one my way, I glanced back down as he stood again and tapped against the table top for my attention, seeing him nod his head I frowned slightly before he sighed and glanced over towards Roseanna before back again as he turned and moved towards one of the cupboards where he pulled it open and took a small bottle out.
‘’You still need to take them’’ Isaac spoke out quietly as he pushed the pill bottle across the surface towards me and I nodded with a sigh as I dropped a hand and picked the bottle up and looked down at the label with a small sigh.
‘’I just wish the doctor will take me off these already’’ I breathed out as I pushed my thumb against the cap and turned it slightly, the slight click noise making me sigh as I put the cup down and pressed my hand against the lid and turned again as it undone.
‘’I know dude’’ Isaac spoke out as he leant against his chair, his expression showing me he knew how I felt about them as I pulled two of the tablets out and laid them on the table before I closed the bottle and pushed it back towards Isaac who took it and moved to put the pill bottle away.
‘’Uncle Tommy, are you taking your magic sweets again?’’ Turning as I picked the two small tablets up, I looked over at her with a small smile as I nodded,
‘’Yeah baby I am, you know they make me better don’t you’’ I told her as she nodded and slipped off Adam’s lap, placing the tablet on my tongue, I grabbed my coffee again and swallowed them down as Roseanna came over and tugged on my sleeve.
‘’Do you feel better?’’ She asked as I turned slightly and picked her up to sit on my lap, my arm moving around her softly as I brought my other hand up to her chin and tilted it up to me so I could look her in the eyes, the small look on her face breaking me a little as I smiled.
‘’Lot’s so there isn’t anything to be scared about okay baby’’ I told her as she nodded softly, ‘’im not going to be in the hospital again anytime soon okay, your uncle Tommy is going to be around all the time now’’ I told her as she smiled and threw her arms around my neck, hugging her back tightly, I glanced up at Sophie who smiled softly and reached over to ruffle Roseanna’s hair before she squeezed my shoulder.
‘’Can you help me find my swimsuit? You know my black on you got me with the skulls’’ she asked as she pulled away and I grinned.
‘’Sure thing’’ Helping her down, I picked my coffee up and stood up before I leaned over and pressed a kiss to Sophie’s cheek.
‘’Dude where’s mine’’ Isaac called out and I laughed slightly before glancing over my shoulder and flipped him off.
‘’Sorry I don’t kiss boy’s’’ I winked out to him before I turned and followed Roseanna out from the kitchen.

.o0o.Adam.o0o.

I couldn’t help but stare at Tommy as he took the tablets and talked with Roseanna, I felt like I had to do something for him and I had no idea what, it was only after I had noticed him stare down at his breakfast that I realized I had picked up his old order.
Shaking my thoughts away I watched as Tommy left, their footsteps on the stairs before I turned to look towards the other two who shared a brief glance and turned back to eat again in the silence.
‘’Please tell me what happened’’ I whispered out to them as they both looked at each other again and back to me as Sophie sighed and nodded slowly.
‘’Im sure Tommy has told you some things’’ She asked as I nodded,
‘’Only a little, I know Sutan walked in on him doing something stupid but I didn’t know what until the show yesterday, I saw his wrists briefly when he was playing and the light shone on him.’’
‘’I know that we shouldn’t tell you because its Tommy’s past and his mistake but I know that you both love each other still, even if you are both too dense to do something about it’’ Isaac spoke out with a sigh, his hand moving over Sophie’s.
‘’Please, im worried about him’’ I whispered to them.
‘’We all are Adam’’ Sophie said softly,
‘’When Sutan found him, it was during the worst part, Tommy was spiraling down and drinking more again when the label dropped him, his album was only just passing enough sales, the…the guy he was with…’’ Isaac paused slightly before glancing over to Sophie who just nodded, ‘’he told Tommy that he didn’t think he should be playing music if  he wasn’t good enough for a record company to keep him on, that he should just give up. That killed him even more than being dropped before he found out the he wasn’t as faithful as Tommy was’’ Isaac said quietly, their eyes turning towards the door as laughter echoed out. ‘’Tommy found out that he had been cheating on him with another guy who worked in the studio for Tommy’’
‘’I still don’t understand’’ I whispered softly as Isaac nodded and looked over at Sophie,
‘’Keep Tommy busy’’ He told him softly before leaning over to press a kiss against her cheek as she smiled and started to get up. ‘’the drinking got worse when he got rid of the guy and fired the other’’Isaac told me as I nodded, ‘’you heard about when Sutan and Tommy first met didn’t you…good, but the time when Sutan walked in…Tommy was a mess, he had been out drinking that night with us, we had just finished a gig because Tommy had some time of writing his own songs and he came and played with us but he left early when his ex walked in with the studio guy. Sutan left a while later to go check on him before I had a phone call from him and I don’t think I’ve ever heard Sutan so frantic’’ Isaac sighed and I could see the worry in his eyes as he looked down at his hands. ‘’I was the one to get there, I found him holding Tommy against his chest, his hands pressing over Tommy’s wrists which he had also covered with clothes but I could still see the blood coming through..I…I freaked so badly when I noticed an empty bottle beside him too,  Tommy didn’t really seem like he had realized what he had done to himself, just kept giggling to himself and saying how he was going to go sleep and wake up in the morning feeling all refreshed’’

Breathing out slightly as I felt the tears gather in my eyes, I reached over and squeezed Isaac’s hands as he offered a soft smile towards me.
‘’The paramedics turned up and told us that it was lucky that we had found him when we had or he would’ve lost too much blood’’ Isaac told me as I nodded and pulled my hand back. ‘’Tommy was taken to the hospital, I took Sutan home to get cleaned up before we both went to the hospital, we expected him to be in surgery because of how deep he had cut but he wasn’t because of how drunk he was. They had wrapped his wrists as tight as they could until he was sober enough to be put under’’
‘’I thought they couldn’t do that?’’ I asked as Isaac shrugged,
‘’Neither did I until Tommy done it…god the next day when he had been sober and had gone under, we had waited for him to come back and wake up and it was later that night when he did, at first he was confused to why he was in the hospital, Sutan talked to him because I couldn’t, every time I looked at him I wanted to cry before Tommy fell apart and broke down in Sutan arm’s’’

Hearing footsteps run down the stairs, I let a shallow breath out and turned at the same time as Isaac to see Sophie come in with a smile,
‘’Sorry just getting something’’ She laughed before Isaac turned back.
‘’With our concerns and words, we got Tommy in to talk to someone and he was prescribed anit depressants…that’s what he still takes now, he did come off them for a while but and im not saying its your fault because its not, he started taking them again when he first got the phone call about you being back home in the hospital’’ Isaac told me quickly as multiply footsteps came back down the stairs again.
‘’Daddy…daddy can we go now, we found my swimsuit and Uncle Tommy tried to help me put it on but he got it wrong’’ Roseanna giggled out as she came running in.
‘’Did he now, we know Uncle Tommy can’t get himself dressed either’’ Isaac laughed as Tommy dropped down and glared towards him.
‘’I so can, you’re the one who can’t dress’’ Tommy taunted back as he pushed his cup back on to the table and turned to pick Roseanna up again. ‘’anyway, little miss princess here wants to get to the beach already’’ He grinned.
‘’Well if little miss princess finishes her breakfast off we can go’’ Sophie spoke out before I let my eyes wonder over Tommy as he helped Roseanna back down again and turned back to his own breakfast.Seeing him glance up and meet my own look, I swallowed and slowly looked back down again and picked at my breakfast before I slowly finished it and stood up. Smiling towards Roseanna as she beamed up at me, I grabbed the empty boxes and started to move them towards the bin before I joined Sophie at the sink with a soft smile.

It wasn’t until we had reached the beach and had been there for a few hours that I noticed Tommy again as he played with Roseanna by the water, Isaac gone to get lunch as I sat with Sophie,
‘’He’s ashamed of the scars’’ I said softly before Sophie turned to look at me and back again at Tommy, his hoody sleeves pulled down over his hands as he splashed water back at Rosy.
‘’He’s ashamed of a lot of things he has done Adam, you should’ve seen him when he turned up at ours, he was so upset thinking he had lost you’’ She told me as I nodded and turned back to watch Tommy.
‘’But he wont even look at me and he hasn’t spoken to me yet’’ I whispered.
‘’He’s scared Adam, just give him time honey’’ She told me as I looked down and nodded slightly.
‘’I don’t think I can stay here any longer’’ I whispered to her as she reached over and squeezed my hand softly, ‘’I’ll be back at yours if that’s okay’’ I asked as Sophie nodded.
‘’its fine sweetie, our home is yours for as long as you want’’ She told me as I nodded and leaned over to press a kiss to her cheek.
‘’Tell Isaac im sorry’’ I told her before standing up, brushing the sand away from my pants; I picked my things up and turned away.

Closing the door behind me, I paused and listened to the silence before slowly sliding down against the door and held my head in my hands as I struggled for breath.

‘’Serge…sergeant Lambert….Adam’’ Danny’s voice yelled out over the radio as footsteps moved towards the door of the room quickly.
‘’Im okay…for now’’ I hissed back, ‘’I need radio silence commencing now’’ I hissed in to the radio again as I grabbed my pack and quickly moved across the room to where the window was, pushing it open, I pushed my pack out on to the flat of the roof before I followed it, the same time the door bust open, ducking behind the wall, I breathed out deeply and moved my hand to cover the radio as it crackled and I heard the footsteps pause.
Hearing gun fire from another area, I swallowed before bending slowly and grabbed my pack and pushed it over my shoulder as I slid down the tiles and dropped down almost silently.
‘’Shit…hold your fire’’ Spinning around to come face to face with Danny and Eric, their guns pointed towards me, ‘’just dropping by for a visit are you Adam, it would be nice for a phone call beforehand you know, we could’ve had tea waiting for you’’ Danny spoke out with a grin.
‘’Grab your stuff’’ I told them before I turned and shifted my pack on to both shoulders before moving towards the wall besides the building.
‘’Serge what’s going on?’’ Eric asked as I glanced back.
‘’We’ve been breached’’ I told him as I turned back again  just as gun fire rang out, ducking down as shots ran over the wall, I breathed out and moved my hand to get the others to move.

‘’Adam…Serge’’ Jumping back from the door, I blinked my eyes open to hear another thump against the door, ‘’are you sure’’ Hearing Danny’s voice talking to someone, I took a few shuddering breaths and let the hallway come back in to focus again.
‘’The door does stick sometimes’’ Hearing Isaac’s voice, I scrambled away and got to my feet as I ran up the stairs and in to the bathroom where I quickly turned the water on and started to get undressed as the front door opened. Pushing myself under the water, I bit my lip to stop the yell as the freezing water touched against my skin.
‘’Serge’’ Shaking my head under the water slightly, I turned it off and climbed out again, grabbing a towel, I rolled it around my waist and tightened it before I grabbed my clothes and stepped out the bathroom just as Roseanna came running up giggling before she turned and ran back down.
‘’Uncle Adam’s naked’’ She screamed out with laughter as I moved along the hallway and paused at the top of the stairs to see Isaac and Sophie stood at the bottom, Danny stood behind them.
‘’For a second there I got worried’’ Isaac laughed as he walked off again, hearing the front door close, I let my eyes glance up to see Tommy walk in, his eyes looking towards Danny and then up the stairs before he turned and quickly followed Isaac out towards the kitchen.
‘’Everything okay down there’’ I asked as Sophie bit her lip and nodded. ‘’Danny’’ I spoke out and motioned with my head as I turned and headed back towards the spare bedroom. Drying off, I grabbed a pair of clean boxers from my bag and pulled them on as Danny’s footsteps got closer. ‘’why are you here solider?’’ I asked, his footsteps telling me that he had just entered the bedroom before I turned to look at him to find his eyes on my shoulder.
‘’Thought I would come to visit’’ Danny smirked out as he walked in more, eyes scanning over the room as I moved towards my bag and grabbed a pair of pants out and tugged them on, smoothing them out I reached down and pulled some more socks on before I tugged my boots on and started to lace them.
‘’Who called you?’’ I asked as I finished my second boot and stood up again, hands pulling a top on and tucking it in to my pants as I turned back to look at him.
‘’Serge…’’ Danny started,
‘’who called you’’ I asked again as I folded my arms over my chest and winched slightly at the tight tug over my shoulder.
‘’Your friend did serge, they are worried about you’’ Danny told me as I shook my head slightly.
‘’There’s nothing to be worried about’’ I told him as I started to move back out the room again,
‘’Adam, come on’’ Danny spoke out following me as I paused at the top of the stairs and looked over at hm. ‘’they are your friends’’
‘’Im 24 years old Danny, im old enough to look after myself’’ I told him as I started to walk down.
‘’You got shot serge, your friends are worried and im worried…hell im worried about your well being, we were in a war zone for four years Adam, during that time we had a total of three weekends off and you never took a single one’’ Danny called out from the top of the stairs as I reached the bottom, hands gripping the banister tightly as I gritted my jaw. ‘’how much pain are you really in?’’ He asked.
‘’Im not in pain Danny, instead of putting your focus on me, why don’t you go home and some R&R with your family’’ I spat out to him before I stepped of the stairs.
‘’Moonlight on the two steps’’
‘’Bullshit Danny just get back to your position’’ I yelled at him before walking out in to the kitchen where the others tried to drop their eyes quickly.

Grabbing a coffee, I pushed the back door open and stepped outside when I realized what Danny had said to me, breathing out, I ran a hand through my damp hair and took a sip of my coffee before I turned and headed back inside and pushed the cup back on to the side.
‘’Where’s Roseanna?’’ I asked before Isaac motioned across the kitchen where she was sat with Tommy, a pair of headphones in her ears as Tommy glanced over, his lower lip buried between his teeth before he turned back down, a pencil in his hand.
‘’Serge’’ Danny spoke out quietly from the doorway, my eyes moving towards him as his eyes moved away from Tommy and instantly I knew it was Tommy who had called him. ‘’when did you last sleep’’
Staring at him, I glanced towards Isaac and Sophie who was sat in his seat before I walked out the kitchen and motioned for him to follow me.

Chapter Text

‘’Tommy, hey dude, I thought you were working in the studio today?’’ Isaac asked me as he answered the door and I shrugged slightly.
‘’Was but couldn’t concentrate on things properly’’ I told him as I hooked my thumb in around the strap of my guitar which was still over my shoulder. ‘’thought I could come hang out with you or something, Sutan isn’t home and I don’t really want to be on my own’’
‘’Nah, it’s cool man, come on in, Sophie took Rosy out shopping with her a while back but they should be back again soon’’ He told me as he turned away and started to walk away.
‘’How are they?’’ I asked as I closed the door behind me quietly and Isaac glanced over his shoulder.
‘’They are good, Roseanna mentioned about wanting to see you again soon and something about you promising her something which I wasn’t allowed to know’’ Isaac called out as he disappeared in to the kitchen, grinning slightly, I slipped my case off my shoulder and rested it against the wall before I followed him out and in to the bright space.
‘’Oh yeah, she wanted me to help her with something for your birthday’’ I told him as he looked up from pouring two coffees out.
‘’Ahh, I feel sorry for you’’ He teased as I laughed softly and settled down in to one of the stools at the breakfast bar.
‘’I don’t mind, it’s really sweet actually and im glad to help out’’ I told him with a smile as he handed a coffee over, ‘’im going to turn your daughter in to a badass that no little boy will want to get close to her…not that I will let them anyway’’ I laughed as Isaac grinned and shook his head slightly.
‘’Im so glad you think of my daughter in that way’’ Isaac laughed, biting my lip slightly, I grinned and glanced down at the coffee before I sighed,
‘’Do you have any of my pills?’’ I asked before glancing up at him to see Isaac frowning at me.
‘’Yeah why’’ Isaac asked as he got up and moved across the room towards the kitchen cupboard.
‘’I ran out of my prescription and didn’t get another one in time so I have to go back to the doctor a check up before I can get another order in but I phoned up not long before and the doc says that he doesn’t want to take me off them just yet’’ I groaned out as I pushed my coffee away and leaned forward, my forehead touching against the cool surface as Isaac laughed.

Sitting up and taking the bottle as it rattled against the counter, I unscrewed the lid and shook two out on to my palm before knocking them back with a mouthful of coffee and handed the bottle back towards Isaac again.
‘’Uncle Tommy’s here’’ Hearing Roseanna’s loud shout, I half turned towards the kitchen door and placed my drink down again as she came running through and jumped up in to my lap.
‘’Rosy, what did we say, you have to be quiet while Uncle Adam sleeps’’ Sophie spoke out softly as she came walking in to the kitchen, her lips pressing a kiss to my cheek with a smile before she was moving towards Isaac with the shopping.
‘’Sorry momma’’ Roseanna spoke out before hugging her arms around my neck as I stared at the two of them.
‘’Adam is here still?’’ I asked as they glanced over and nodded.
‘’So is his friend Danny’’ Rosy whispered to me as I looked down at her.
‘’Why don’t you go get ready in your bedroom and I will help you out with daddy’s surprise?’’ I asked as her little face grew wider and grinned before she was slipping off my lap and out the kitchen again, ‘’why is Danny here still?’’ I asked as I turned back to the other two.
‘’He thought it would be a good idea’’ Sophie told me softly as she started to unpack the shopping.
‘’Good idea?’’
‘’Yeah…turns out Adam hasn’t been sleeping at all’’ Isaac sighed, ‘’that night we found him in here on the floor, it was because of a flashback…something must have been banged outside and it trigged a memory and I think the same thing happened when I was driving back and he was asleep, I woke him up and he grabbed my wrist quickly’’ Isaac explained to me.
‘’Of being deployed over there’’ I asked as Isaac smiled sadly and nodded,
‘’Adam’s been keeping himself awake to try and stop them from happening but Danny told us that it’s normal for soldiers to have these kind of triggers and flashback memories which seem and can feel real’’ Sophie added as she glanced over towards me.
‘’And because Adam was shot, he had more of a chance of getting this post…post war thing, I can’t remember what Danny called it but he’s upstairs with Adam, has been with Adam every time he has slept like they did out there, there was always someone on watch, covering their backs’’

Taking everything in, I turned slightly to stare towards the doorway as I swallowed lightly, the knowledge of Adam being upstairs changing everything I felt before I was turning back around again. Watching both Sophie and Isaac moving around together and smiling, I couldn’t help but feel the small rise of jealously rising up at their happiness and love before I was lowering my eyes.
Shaking my head, I slowly pushed up from the kitchen stool as my fingers leaving the coffee cup on the surface before I was turning and heading back out in to the hallway. Guitar over my shoulder, I glanced back at the kitchen and then towards the stairs as I breathed in deeply and started to slowly walk up them.
‘’Uncle Tommy, are you okay?’’ Hearing Roseanna, I looked over and smiled softly before I nodded.
‘’Im fine baby, just thinking that’s all’’ I told her as she nodded and looked past me to where I had been looking towards.
‘’Are you thinking about Uncle Adam because I know he thinks about you’’ She told me softly as I let a small choked laugh out and turned towards her.
‘’Im sure uncle Adam has better things to think about than me beautiful, come one lets go finish up your gift for your dad’’ I told her as I held my hand out towards her.
‘’You’re silly Uncle Tommy’’ Roseanna told me with a shake of her head before she was pulling me down the hall and away from the guest room.

.o0o.

Setting my guitar aside, I stretched my fingers out before I stood and groaned slightly as the bones cracked and popped from being sat down and against Roseanna’s bed for ages.
‘’Do you think Daddy will like it?’’ She asked as I glanced over and grinned with a smile.
‘’Of course he will baby, he’s going to be so proud that you learnt how to play that song for him’’ I smiled as I walked over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
‘’Thank you for helping’’ Roseanna grinned as I laughed and shook my head.
‘’You don’t need to thank me baby, you know I would help you anyway I could and with anything you needed’’ I told her as she nodded and turned back to her coloring which she had started to do.
‘’Now go, I have important coloring to do Uncle Tommy and I don’t want you distracting me’’ She bossed out as I laughed and kissed the top of her head again before I was walking out the room, knowing full well that my guitar would be safe with her.

Pausing at the top of the stairs, I bit at my lower lip for a while before I found my hand rubbing at my wrist as I slowly turned away and moved towards the guest bedroom to see the door half open, the silence coming from inside before I carefully pushed the door open wider and half stepped in to see Danny look up from the book he was reading.
‘’Oh hey Tommy, I thought I could hear you here’’ He smiled towards me as I nodded and glanced over at the bed and at Adam as I bit at my lip again.
‘’Yeah’’ I whispered out before I slowly slipped further in to the room and silently crossed closer to the bed before I stood at the end of it and watched Adam sleep. ‘’how is he holding up’’ I whispered out as Danny sighed.
‘’He’s doing good, a lot better now that he is sleeping’’ Danny told me as I nodded, ‘’he misses you too, hasn’t said it personally when awake but he’s spoken out in his sleep a few times like he sometimes used to back on base’’ lifting my eyes, I glanced towards him to see his eyes watching me before I dropped them back down to Adam again and lightly touched the edge of the bed with my fingertips. ‘’I wouldn’t, he’s still a little unsteady, a few of his flashbacks has been bad and I don’t want to see you getting hurt’’ Danny told me as I nodded.
‘’Isaac and Sophie explained a little about them’’ I whispered.
‘’then you know he is still on alert a little’’ Nodding, I swallowed slightly as my fingers clenched at the bedding before I pulled them away and crossed my arms over my chest my fingertips digging in to my arms roughly to stop myself from crawling up beside him.
Despite Danny telling me how dangerous it could be, I still felt the push on the inside to climb up on the bed beside him and wrap Adam up in my arms. I wanted to pull the blanket up and over his body and press a kiss to his forehead and just whisper to him like he had done to me the few days before hand when he thought I had been asleep.
‘’Oh hey’’ Turning slightly at the sound of Sophie’s voice, I offered a small smile as she walked in, a drink in both of her hands as she came over and handed one to Danny before the other to me.
‘’Thanks’’ I whispered softly as she nodded and glanced over at Adam.
‘’He looks a lot better, not so tired looking’’ She commented as Danny nodded and placed his drink on the unit beside the chair.
‘’He does, the flashbacks aren’t as many anymore but there still a few’’ He told her as she nodded and wrapped her arm around me head as she rested her head on my shoulder.

‘’Oh you haven’t heard have you’’ Sophie asked me quietly as I tore my eyes away from Adam again to look at her with a small frown.
‘’Heard what?’’ I asked as she smiled.
‘’Roseanna has a bring your idols to school day coming up and she wants to take you and Adam in with her to show off to her classmates, Isaac is going too’’ She smiled as I nodded.
‘’Just tell me what day and I’ll make sure to keep it open for it’’ I whispered back as she grinned and kissed my cheek.
‘’Come on, lets go get you some dinner’’ Sophie told me as I nodded, ‘’ill bring yours up again if you like’’ She told Danny before he shook his head and looked towards Adam,
‘’I’ll come down again, he should be okay for a few hours’’ Danny said before he was standing and following us out the room.

.o0o.

‘’Adam’’ Looking up as Isaac spoke out, I let myself glance up through my hair to see him walking in to the kitchen, hair ruffled slightly which he was running his fingers through before he looked around,
‘’Is everything okay?’’ Danny asked before Adam looked towards him and nodded.
‘’Just fine’’ Adam told him as Danny nodded slightly and turned back to his meal as I looked back down at my own as Adam glanced around again.
Feeling his eyes on me, I swallowed slightly before I turned to look at Roseanna as she giggled and looked towards me and away again with a shake of her head which had me frowning slightly.
‘’Momma know you said that Uncle Tommy was silly’’ She asked as Sophie looked over and I glanced up at her to see her blush slightly as her eyes caught mine before a smile crept over and she nodded and turned back to her daughter. ‘’well I think you are right, he is silly’’ She giggled out.
‘’Hey what is it, pick on Tommy day?’’ I asked as laughter ran out around the table,
‘’we all love you Uncle Tommy’’ Roseanna grinned out as I smiled at her and shook my head slightly as I turned back to my meal.
‘’Im sure you do baby girl’’ I told her as I looked back over.

For the first time in a while, I really felt like I was truly happy with everything which was going on around me, even if me and Adam still hadn’t spoken to each other, I felt comfortable enough to glance up at him through my hair again to watch him before I pulled my eyes away and met Sophie’s knowing look which had me blushing and looking back down at my plate again.
Letting the conversation wash over me as I sat back and picked my drink up, I slowly looked over everyone as they talked and laughed together, even the smile on Adam’s face looked a little more real than the last time I had seen it before I was looking away again and towards the window where I stared out in to the back yard which was basked in the afternoon sun. everything was starting to fit back together again in my life and the weight of the past few years was starting to shift away from my shoulders a little at a time.

Chapter Text

‘’Roseanna, why don’t you introduce your next idol today’’ Listening to the teacher, I dropped my eyes back down to see Rosy jump up from her seat and move to the front of the classroom again with a large smile on her face.
‘’My next idol is amazing and im thankful for him being here still’’ She beamed out proudly,
 ‘’How do you mean by that Roseanna?’’ Her teacher asked as she turned and smiled.
‘’My Uncle Adam’’ She beamed before she was running around the room and closer to us before she was grabbing Adam’s hand and tugging him back around to the front with him, breathing out slightly, I couldn’t help but stare at his uniform, each fold was perfect and his boots was shiny and bright. Feeling Isaac’s nudge, I glanced over slightly as he smirked at me and I dropped my eyes again and turned back to look towards the front. ‘’You see, Uncle Adam used to have to go away for long amounts of times in different countries and be brave’’ Roseanna spoke out with a smile as she looked at her teacher who nodded softly, a fond smile on her face once she had realized who Adam was.
‘’And why is your uncle one of your idols?’’ She asked as Roseanna turned back to look up at Adam who smiled down at her.
‘’Uncle Adam’s my idol because he’s big and brave, normally when I fall over and scrape my knee, I cry because it hurts, but Uncle Adam got hurt while he was away and he didn’t cry, he was brave and he came home and kept smiling. He’s helped other little children like us and kept them safe from bad people’’ Roseanna spoke out and I smiled warmly as I noticed Adam squeeze her hand softly. ‘’He’s also my idol because he makes my Uncle Tommy smile although he is silly’’ She grinned out before turning to look towards me, blushing slightly, I ducked my head and rubbed at the back of my neck before I looked up at Isaac to see him grinning widely.

‘’Adam, would you like to share your story and explain more about your injury with the children and their idols?’’ The teacher spoke out as I turned back to see Adam smiling softly and nodding.
‘’Of course m’am, it would be my pleasure’’ He spoke out.
‘’Uncle Adam’’ Roseanna whispered out to him as he turned to look at her before kneeling as she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head on his shoulder before her hand came down to cover his shoulder and rub it softly.
‘’I joined the army when I was 17 with a few buddies of mine’’ Adam started to speak out, his arm curled around Rosy’s waist as she sat on his knee. ‘’I went on my first tour for a few months, spent most of it patrolling our camp, most of the time it was hot and very boring’’ He grinned out which had a few laughs from the kids before he parted his lips slightly and damped them before turning to loo at Roseanna with a smile, ‘’then I had a two week leave to come home and I met this amazing girl who introduced me to her friends, one of them being this little ladies mom’’ Adam chuckled before turning back. ‘’before I knew it, my two wonderful weeks were up and I was back off to Germany before being deployed overseas again where I spent a year struggling through all kinds of weather, both hot and cold’’ He told them before he looked back at Roseanna again as she moved her hand over his shoulder again.
Watching as he stood up again and lifted Roseanna up with him which earned a small giggle, ‘’the tour ended and myself and my men put down for another, we had a weekend leave which I took to come home and spend time with the people I loved before I was back in the desert again.’’
‘’So how old were you by the third tour?’’ The teacher asked as Adam looked over.
‘’I was Twenty-two m’am’’ Adam spoke out.
‘’Wow that’s pretty young’’ Another parent spoke out as Adam turned to look towards the guy with a nod, ‘’so are you on another leave?’’ He asked.
‘’No sir, I was retired on medical reasons’’ Adam spoke out, ‘’during my last tour we were on the way back to base camp after a road sweep. On the way through the last parts of the city, a man came running out from a crop of buildings shouting and yelling in his own language, our team member who deals with the people couldn’t understand before I instructed my men to fill out and search’’
‘’Isn’t that dangerous to do?’’ The same guy asked.
‘’Yes sir, but it was our duty to find the problem and try to straighten it out.’’
‘’So what happened’’
‘’Myself and one of my officers followed the crop of the buildings around before we were fired upon and my friend hit, I pulled him out of view and behind a wall to shield him from any other fire, his breastplate in his uniform had caught the bullet. Unaware, both I and the officer did not notice the walk way between two of the buildings above us where another shooter was before he was firing upon us.’’ Adam spoke out, his voice a little thick as I shifted against the wall and dug my fingers in to my legs in my pocket. ‘’I was hit twice in my shoulder and close to my neck, if it was not for the quickness of my boys, I would not be standing here today’’
Biting my lip as the silence, I glanced through my hair to see Roseanna whispering in to Adam’s ear before he shook his head softly with a smile.
‘’What did she say?’’
‘’She asked if she could bring Officer Danny in as he is waiting outside’’ Adam spoke out with a soft smile as he looked back at Roseanna, ‘’He was the officer with me when the incident happened’’
‘’I would love to meet him’’ The teacher spoke out as Adam looked towards her and nodded.
‘’Yes m’am’’ Adam spoke out before he set Roseanna down, ‘’you stay there’’ He whispered as she nodded.

Watching Adam walk out the classroom, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I was opening them again and looking towards Roseanna as she turned towards the teacher.
‘’Can I introduce my Uncle Tommy while Uncle Adam get’s Danny’’ Roseanna laughed as I chuckled under my breath and bit my lip again as the teacher nodded and she started to run over.
Letting a slight breath out as Rosy jumped up at me, I laughed and started to walk towards the front of the room with her in my arms as a few mumbles started up and I tried to ignore.
‘’Roseanna, why don’t you tell us about your next idol’’ The teacher asked as Rosy grinned.
‘’Well my Uncle Tommy is my idol, just like my daddy, he creates music and writes songs which he’s sold to other people who make music and he sings too…mommy and daddy say that im too little to go see Uncle Tommy perform but I know he’s a good singer from all the times he has sung to me at night time’’ Roseanna beamed out as I laughed softly and adjusted her in my arms slightly.
‘’I thought I recognized you’’ Someone spoke out as I looked up, ‘’I was there at the bar with my wife when you performed last, she loved your song you did on the piano’’ He spoke out as I swallowed slightly and nodded.
‘’It was not my best performance’’ I spoke out before the guy laughed.
‘’Any performance which ends in real tears is a great one’’
‘’Uncle Tommy was sad that night, his nightmares came back and I cuddled them right away…didn’t I Uncle Tommy’’ Roseanna grinned as I swallowed slightly and glanced towards Isaac before back again.
‘’You sure did sweetheart’’

Turning my head around as the door opened again, I swallowed slightly as Adam stepped back inside, his hands holding the door open before Danny was stepping inside the classroom, dressed in uniform just like Adam, Danny paused beside the door, his hands clasped behind his back as Adam stepped past him again and moved closer to me and Roseanna again.
‘’Officer Danny King m’am’’ Adam spoke out to the teacher as she smiled and stood up and walked over to him.
‘’It’s a pleasure to have you here too Danny’’ She spoke out as he smiled and gave a nod.
‘’It’s a pleasure to be here m’am’’ He smiled as she laughed softly and grabbed his hand to pull him further towards the front again as Adam turned his head, his eyes meeting mine as he smiled softly and looked away again. Breathing out, I turned back just as Roseanna squeezed her arms around my neck and wiggled slightly before I placed her on her feet again and watched as she moved around to grab Danny’s hand and pull him next to Adam.
‘’Danny isn’t an idol but a hero’’ Rosy grinned out, ‘’He saved my Uncle Adam and brought him home again’’
‘’Well im glad our country has two officers as fine as you are fighting for us’’ Someone called out as Danny laughed softly.
‘’Both myself and Sergeant Lambert served our country as best as we could, myself I have finished my last tour as an officer and im focusing on helping my wife to raise my child sir’’ Danny spoke out before Roseanna was pushing me back softly and I looked down at her before tensing slightly as I noticed that she had pushed me back to stand beside Adam, his arm brushing mine slightly which had me breathing out slightly.

‘’Alright class, I guess that ends our day then’’ The teacher spoke out as she clapped her hands together, a smile on her face as the kids called out and started to move away and back to their parents.
‘’Serge’’ Glancing up through my hair slightly, I watched as Adam turned to face Danny as he stepped closer again and started to whisper something which had Adam nodding as I turned back and looked down at Roseanna before Isaac was walking over and picking her up as she laughed loudly.
‘’Im going to head out, I should get back to the studio’’ I told him as he frowned at me slightly.
‘’No Uncle Tommy, you have to come home with us…momma is making cake and sweets for us and Auntie Mia’s’’ Roseanna told me as I looked at her with a small sigh.
‘’Baby, I need to work’’ I told her as she frowned at me and tried to pout, ‘’nu uh, not the puppy eyed look, I was the one who taught you that look, you can’t go using it on me now’’ I groaned out as she pushed her bottom lip out further and I sighed.
‘’You could always stay for an hour or two, im sure the studio could survive without you Tommy’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I turned slightly and looked up at him through my hair, his eyes still bright blue like they had always been and I found myself nodding slightly before I could stop myself.
‘’Yeah, okay then’’ I spoke out softly, his lips curling softly before I was dropping my eyes and looking back at Roseanna as she smiled brightly.

Heading out the school along with Isaac, Rosy running up ahead of us with Adam and Danny, I couldn’t help but grin slightly as Isaac nudged me.
‘’He misses you, you know’’ Isaac told me quietly as I looked over at him.
‘’Did he tell you that’’ I asked as he shook his head.
‘’Not as much in words…more like the way he looks at you like he used too when we first all met, those two weeks’’ He smiled as we pushed through the doors and headed out in to the sunshine, Roseanna’s laughter echoing through the air with Adam’s and Danny’s as I looked back up to see them swinging her before she was running back towards us again and I watched as Danny saluted Adam before grinning and pulling him in to a hug as Adam done it back.

.o0o.

Standing by Mia’s back fence, I stared out over the ocean with a heavy breath, my fingers curled around the neck of the bottle tightly as I raised it up to my lips again, the blues of the water high lighting on each wave as the setting sun caught them looked beautiful as I dropped my eyes down and stared down towards the sand before I found myself starting to move down the slope and on to the beach, the sounds of people laughing starting to slowly fade away behind me as I moved further away and settled closer to the water’s edge, the sand warmed from the sun’s touch as I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as I pushed my drink in to the sand beside me as I leaned forward on my knees.

Instead of staying for only an hour or two, I had ended up calling in to the studio to let them know that I wasn’t going to be coming back today, that I needed to spend some time with my friends and family.
‘’Stupid fucker’’ I muttered to myself as I picked a small pebble up and threw it towards the ocean, the sound of it landing quiet compared to the waves breaking on the sand a few feet in front of me. Picking the beer up again, I raised it back to my lips and drank a little more before I was leaning back against my knees again and closing my eyes with a sigh.

.o0o. Adam.o0o.

‘’Do you think he’s okay?’’ I asked quietly as I turned to look at Sophie as she stepped up beside me, her head resting against my shoulder as she sighed softly and we both turned to look back down at the shoreline where we could faintly see Tommy in the darkness.
‘’He’s fine sweetheart’’ Sophie told me softly,
‘’He never slept last night you know’’ I told her softly, ‘’I woke up half way through the night and went down to get a drink, he was on the phone talking to someone, it must have been around one or two thirty’’
‘’No doubt it was about work again’’ She sighed as I lifted my drink to my mouth and had a mouthful, the bitter taste of the beer burning my throat as I watched Tommy throw another stone in to the water. ‘’how have you been sleeping Adam’’ She asked as I turned and looked down at her with a soft smile.
‘’A lot better now, the flashbacks have kind of gone, they are there still but really faint, Danny helped out a lot’’ I told her as she smiled and softly squeezed my arm.
‘’Im glad, you gave us all a scare too’’ She grinned as I laughed and nodded.
‘’I know, and im sorry for that’’
‘’It’s okay, but now just go talk to him Adam, you are both as miserable as each other’’ Sophie told me as I raised my head to look back to see Tommy laid back on the sand, a arm under his head as the other held his beer on his chest. ‘’I see the way you both look at each other when the other isn’t looking and its stupid, you both love each other still and its starting to drive us insane but Tommy is too stubborn and proud to admit it’’ Sophie spoke out softly, ‘’the night of the performance, when he got to ours and I stopped him from leaving to go after you and Isaac, it was heartbreaking, he looked so lost and small and then seeing him trying to put a brave face on in front of Rosy when she woke up...it shattered my heart’’
‘’I don’t know what to say to him’’ I whispered as her hand moved in to mine and squeezed it softly.
‘’Just tell him the truth, that’s what he wants to hear and that’s what you need to hear too Adam’’ She whispered before leaning up to press a kiss against my cheek. ‘’when was the last time you both spoke properly?’’
‘’A while ago, when I came to the beach to find him…it…it turned in to a small fight and I walked out…I slammed his door and just left and kept walking’’ I whispered out, ‘’god I hated myself for doing that’’
‘’Then go make it up to yourself and him, god just do something Adam before Tommy throws himself back in to work and we hardly ever see him’’

Looking after Sophie as she walked away from me, I swallowed slightly and turned back towards the beach to see Tommy sitting back up again. Taking a deep breath, I picked up another beer and glanced down at it before I found myself slowly walking down the sandy slope and on to the sand.
Keeping my eyes on Tommy as I slowly walked closer, I lifted my own drink up again and took another mouthful before I paused a few steps behind him.
‘’Can I sit?’’ I spoke out softly before I swallowed as I noticed Tommy jump as he twisted to glance over his shoulders before back again as he rubbed his hand down the front of his jumper.
‘’Sure, it’s a free country’’ Tommy spoke out as I breathed out slightly and glanced down at the sand before up at the house again and back again.
‘’Okay…’’ I breathed out, ‘’do you mind if I sat next to you Tommy?’’ I asked softly as he glanced back up at me again, his face shadowed in the darkness.
‘’You drinking double now’’ Tommy asked before I looked down at the beers in my hands,
‘’Oh…no…I, um thought that you might of wanted another drink’’ I told him as I held the bottle out towards him, his eyes dropping down to look at it before he turned back to look at the bottle he had dropped when he jumped.
‘’Thanks I guess’’ He spoke out as he turned back again, a small tilt in his lips as I nodded and held it towards him more as he reached up and lightly took it from me, his fingertips brushing mine slightly before moving away again.  ‘’you can sit down if you want’’

Staring at Tommy as he turned back around again, I took a slow step forward until I was beside him and carefully sat down in the sand, eyes forward on the waves as one washed close to our feet before moving out again as the silence grew.
‘’Who sent you down?’’ Tommy asked quietly after a while as I turned slightly to look at him.
‘’No one’’ I told him, ‘’I wanted to come down’’
‘’why’’ Tommy asked as he pulled at the label of the bottle.
‘’Because…because I wanted to see how you were, to make things right between us’’ I told him honestly, ‘’I didn’t know what I was missing until today and I regret walking out of your place that day like I did, it was stupid and childish and I wasn’t thinking when it happened’’ Breathing out slightly, I looked back down at my own drink as I swallowed slightly, ‘’I was missing something and today when I saw you stood out front with Roseanna in her class, it hit me that its you Tommy’’
‘’What do you mean?’’ Tommy asked as I looked back up to see him looking at me already, his eyes catching on mine as I breathed out slightly and dropped my eyes again.
‘’You’re all I’ve wanted Tommy, since I first met you, there was just something about you which caught me in a trap, that’s what had me moving when that guy wouldn’t take no as an answer and wrapping an arm around you’’ I told him, ‘’when things just went on like they did and  was leaving again, when I had to say goodbye to you and leave for a year, I felt like I was leaving a part of myself behind, the whole tour and then the weekend I came home, I couldn’t stop thinking about you’’
‘’I know this already Adam, why are you telling me all this again’’ He asked as I shook my head.
‘’I don’t know’’ I admitted, ‘’I just miss you, that’s all Tommy, I miss you like crazy and it’s driving me insane…and…and I want to say thank you’’ I told him.
‘’What for’’
‘’for calling Danny when you were worried about me’’ I told him as I looked back up to see him watching me still, ‘’if you didn’t, I would still probably be trying to pretend that everything was okay when it wasn’t’’
‘’Oh…that, it’s okay’’ He told me softly before I offered a small smile towards him.
‘’But I mean it when I say that I miss you Tommy’’

Chapter Text

Waking to the sound of laughter, I slowly rolled over and stared towards the ceiling before I started to slowly smile as I thought about the night before on the beach, the words which were spoken between me and Adam and how I couldn’t help but return the small shy smiles he had sent my way. I knew that we spent most of the evening just sat together in silence, but it was comfortable and I wasn’t afraid of being around him again like I had been before.
‘’Tommy, phone call’’ Groaning slightly, I pushed the bed covers away and rubbed at my eyes slightly as I staggered out of Mia’s spare bedroom and headed along the hall and in to the kitchen where everyone was.
‘’Who is it?’’ I asked through a yawn before she shrugged and I rolled my eyes slightly before taking the phone from her. ‘’hello’’
‘’Tommy, hey’’ Sighing as Dave’s voice came through on the other end; I turned and slowly walked towards the counter where there was an empty cup and a pot of coffee before I was pouring myself one.
‘’What do you want…how did you even know where I would be?’’ I asked.
‘’Oh I did call Sutan and he told me where you where…but we need you back in the studio as soon as you can get in, its important’’ He told me as I placed my cup back down and stood up a little more.
‘’What do you mean important?’’
‘’I…uh, the sound guys came in this morning and um…the last two tracks, um’’
‘’Just spit it out Dave’’ I told him as he took a deep breath on the other end.
‘’The last two tracks got wiped Tommy, we need to get them redone before the end of today or we will miss the deadline’’ He told me as I cursed.
‘’How did that happen’’ I asked him as I started to move back through the kitchen, ignoring the few looks  was getting, I quickly headed back to the bedroom and put the phone on speaker before placing it on the bed as I started to change.
‘’We have no idea, but there was a bunch of new guys in last night, they could’ve done something without realizing’’ He told me as I shook my head and pulled my hoody on over my head before packing my clothes in to my bag and hooked it over my shoulder as I turned the speaker off and moved it back to my ear.
‘’So two songs before nine tonight right’’ I asked as I headed back through and towards the kitchen where I knew I had left my car keys and phone.
‘’No…not exactly Tommy’’
‘’by what time Dave’’
‘’Five, they want the album finished by five and the label wants it by nine’’ He told me as I paused and looked towards the clock.
‘’Shit that doesn’t give us a lot of time’’ I muttered.
‘’I know, I know Tommy, just get back to the studio, if we can get these songs done in one take for each one it will be done quickly’’ He told me as I nodded to myself.
‘’Alright, I will be there as soon as I can’’ I told him before I was hanging up and putting the phone back on its cradle and turning to see the others looking at me. ‘’what’’ I asked.
‘’You’re going in to the studio aren’t you?’’ Isaac asked as I sighed and rubbed at the back of my neck.
‘’I have no choice, I need to redo my last two songs before five or im missing the deadline, some idiots decided to mess around and they swiped them last night okay, so I really need to get going, I will talk to you later’’ I told him before I was pressing a kiss to Mia’s cheek and heading out of the house quickly.

.o0o.

‘’No, that song is just fine’’ I sighed before leaning on top of the piano and let my eyes close as I rubbed at my temples slightly.
‘’Look we have enough time to redo it again, cut out the waver in your voice and sharpen it up a little’’ One of the sound techs spoke out as I shook my head.
‘’No, that is how the song is meant to sound, you are meant to hear the raw emotion in the words, the waver is meant to be there, if you knew the song then you should know how it has to go’’ I groaned out before I was pushing myself up and moving across the studio.
‘’Alright, then I guess we are done then and in good time Tommy’’ They spoke out as I nodded and grabbed some of the loose papers of music before I was turning back to the piano again and spreading them out. Grabbing the pencil I had tucked behind my ear, I started to make a few changes before I was turning around to slide on to the bench, my fingers pressing keys down before I was reaching up again and jotting the notes down before the studio door opened somewhere behind me.
‘’Just make sure no one deletes any more of my tracks because they don’t know what they are doing’’ I spoke out before there was soft laughter.
‘’Sure thing Tommy, everything is recorded and saved, just burning it off now before im taking it personally to the label so there isn’t any more screw ups’’ Dave spoke out as I nodded.
‘’Good’’ I mumbled before I was frowning down at the paper, moving my fingers over the keys, I tried to find the right set before I was moving down them without any luck which had me groaning slightly as I paused and stared at the song before I was lifting my head and looking across the room to where my guitar sat.

Standing, I walked over and let my fingers run over the strings before I was picking it up and sitting down on the ground, pushing my sleeves up to my elbows, I rested my guitar in my lap before I was running my thumb over a few of the scars with a breath before I was moving them away and pushing my guitar on to the floor gently as I deiced to take my hoody off instead.
‘’Alright, im heading out Tommy’’ Turning slightly as I ran my fingers through my hair, I nodded towards Dave as he grinned.
‘’Look after my baby, don’t let her get lost now’’ I told him as he laughed and shook his head.
‘’I will do’’ He winked before he was heading out of the studio again, listening to the silence around me, I turned back and reached up to rest my hand over my chest and over Adam’s ring and dog tags which was still on the chain under my shirt.
Crossing my legs as I picked the guitar up again and pulled it on to my lap before I moved my fingers to the strings and started to idly play a soft tune before twisting it towards the blues as I let my eyes slide closed, thinking back to the night before, I let my fingers move in to another tune as I thought about the way me and Adam had sat together and just watched the waves, both silent while the others where back up the slope and in Mia’s back yard before she had come down with a cup of hot coco for us both before I had automatically spooned the pink marshmallows in mine in to Adam’s while he spooned his white ones in to mine without saying a single word before we both glanced at each other and started laughing softly.
Grinning to myself, I shook my head and opened my eyes to look down at my guitar before the sound of a door opening had me spinning around quickly to see Adam stood in the doorway of the studio with Roseanna in his arms.
‘’Sorry’’ He whispered before he glanced down at Roseanna, ‘’she did want to come and see you, I guess she fell asleep on the walk inside’’ He told me as I stood, putting my guitar back on its stand again, I smiled softly before I slowly walked over and stood beside him, a hand moving up to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear before I smiled.
‘’its fine’’ I whispered back as he nodded, ‘’but we should probably get her home so Sophie can get her some dinner’’ I told him as he glanced towards me and back down at the little girl in his arms.
‘’My job, I told Sophie that I would babysit for the night so her and Isaac could have a night to themselves’’ He told me with a faint blush as I smiled.
‘’Has she gotten you to play dress up yet?’’ I asked as he looked up, eyes wide and shook his head as I grinned and started to walk back towards the piano to tidy my mess up. ‘’just wait’’ I teased out as I stacked the papers and moved back towards the cupboards and placed them back.
‘’Should I be scared’’ Adam asked as I grinned and nodded.
‘’Very’’

.o0o.Adam.o0o.

Glancing towards Tommy as he moved around the kitchen, I smiled softly to myself before I turned back to see Roseanna staring at me with a large grin before she was shaking her head and looking back down at her coloring. ‘’Did you have a good nap?’’ I asked as she nodded and looked back up again and past my shoulder to look at Tommy before she was turning back with a smile.
‘’Can you get me some juice?’’ She asked as I nodded.
‘’Sure baby’’ I told her as I pushed my chair out slightly and pressed a kiss to the top of her head before I was turning and moving closer to Tommy.
‘’Juice’’ He asked as I nodded, ‘’that cupboard’’ He told me as I smiled and grabbed the beaker he handed me and turned towards the cupboard, leaning down I looked for the juice before pulling it out and placed it up on the counter when I heard Roseanna’s giggling, turning to look towards her, I saw her looking our way before she grinned and looked back down as I turned to glance towards Tommy to see him shrugging slightly.

.o0o.

‘’Alright you little monster, time for bed’’ Tommy spoke out from where he was stood in the doorway, his hands holding Roseanna’s night clothes before she turned to pout towards him from where she was sat in my lap with her book.
‘’But I don’t want to go to bed just yet Uncle Tommy’’ She whined which had me chuckling softly.
‘’Come on, it is a little past your bedtime already, do what Uncle Tommy says’’ I told her as she turned to look at me with the same pout.
’’Fine…only if you and Uncle Tommy read me a story’’
‘’Im sure Uncle Adam could finish your book off for you sweetheart, it doesn’t take two people to read a book’ Tommy told her as she pouted again.
‘’But I want both of you or im not going to bed at all’’ She stated, her arms moving to cross over her chest as Tommy sighed and glanced towards me as I shrugged softly.
‘‘Fine okay, we will read you a story but its bed time, so come get your PJ’s on please’’ Tommy told her as he knelt down and helped her to change. Pushing myself up, I picked the book she had been reading up before she was running over and shaking her head. ‘’no I don’t want you to read that one’’ She told me before taking it from my hands and running back over to the bookshelf where she pushed it back and looked through them, shaking my head with a grin, I reached up to rub my hand over my shoulder before I turned to see Tommy watching me before he quickly leaned down to grab her clothes.
Noticing the chain which slid out from under his top, I couldn’t help but feel my heart skip a few beats when I realized that he was still wearing the dog tags I had given him, watching as Tommy reached up to them I let a soft breath out as his fingers ran over them lightly before tangling with the ring before he was pushing them back under his shirt as he stood. Turning to look back at Roseanna, I watched as she jumped up, her fingers trying to snag on a book before I was walking over and picking her up high enough for her to grab it and pull it off before I was placing her down again and watching her run off.

‘’Are you sure it’s okay to use your room?’’ I asked Tommy softly as we walked behind Roseanna who was carrying her book before I looked back up to see Tommy staring at me already before he nodded and turned away with a slight blush again. Letting him take the lead, I slowly followed him in to his room, my eyes glancing around the large space before I was turning back to the bed to see Tommy lifting Rosy up on to it before climbing up on the other side of her.
‘’Come on Uncle Adam’’ She grinned before patting the other side, grinning slightly, I shook my head before I was walking over and sitting down beside her, ‘’okay, you have to read a chapter each okay’’ She warned as I nodded and watched as she started to open the book and held it closer to Tommy.

Listening softly as Tommy read his second chapter, I leaned back on the bed a little more before I let my eyes wonder around the room a little before settling on the large windows on the far side of the wall, the light from outside getting darker before I turned away and moved my hand down t my pocket where my phone was and pulled it out, checking the time to see it was a little past eight thirty, I grinned to myself and turned to put it down on the nightstand before I paused and took in the photo frame sat there of Tommy and a group of people, most of them I recognized apart from a few before I noticed the two smaller photos tucked in to the frame, placing my phone down, I smiled fondly at them, my heart skipping slightly with joy that Tommy had kept the photos from the first time we had gone out just like I had, my own photos tucked away inside my wallet before I was turning back to the story to see Tommy glancing up at me before down again, a slight blush coloring his cheeks before he continued to read.
Reading softly when it was my turn again, I reached out and slowly turned the page before I paused and glanced up at Roseanna to see that she had falling asleep already before I turned to tell Tommy to see his own eyes closed, his arm resting up over his chest which was moving with steady breathes. Watching them both sleeping, I couldn’t help but smile to myself before I was carefully pulling the book from Tommy’s other hand which was between him and Roseanna before I was standing up off the bed and placing the book beside my phone on the unit before I was heading out the room and back downstairs to tidy up.
Everything put away and back in its right place, I headed through to the kitchen and towards the sink where I quickly washed the few dishes up and rested them against the draining board before I was looking for the drawers for a dish cloth, finding one, I quickly dried and put the dishes away before I was wiping the counters down and hooking the cloth over a draw before I was heading back up the stairs and toward Tommy’s room again.

Pausing in the doorway, I watched as Tommy shifted slightly on to his side before his arm was moving up and around Roseanna’s waist as she curled closer to his chest again. Smiling, I crept back across to the bed and sat down before I was picking my phone up and quickly taking a photo before I was sending it to Isaac and Sophie. Phone on silent, I layed out beside them and rested my head on my arm with a soft sigh as I just watched them for a while, I had a list of things I still had to do in the back of my mind as I let my eyes flicker up from Roseanna to rest on Tommy’s sleeping form, his face relaxed and any worry cleaned from it before his nose winkled slightly, grinning to myself, I remembered to other times I had seen him do it in his sleep before I moved a little closer and brought my hand up to lightly brush a strand of his hair away from his closed eyes before I froze as he stirred slightly and curled closer to the small girl between us too.
Resting my hand on his hip, I couldn’t help but feel myself starting to feel tired before I moved slightly to wake myself up, I knew that if I stayed here, that I would fall asleep and not get anything else done before the morning, but at the same time I knew that I probably wouldn’t get another chance to be so close to Tommy again like this as my eyes slowly slipped shut as sleep took over.

.o0o.Tommy.o0o.

Waking with a start, I couldn’t help but blink a few times at the brightness in my room before the warmth slowly started to seep in around my mind as I breathed out and reached a hand up to rub over my face. From somewhere downstairs, I could hear Roseanna’s voice before someone else speaking, listening softly, I soon realized that it was Sutan’s voice so I knew she would be okay as I went to turn, feeling a heavy weight around my waist, I paused, heart hammering before I slowly lifted my head to look over my shoulder.
Seeing Adam layed behind me, I quickly let my eyes drop down to see that it was his arm wrapped around my waist, letting a soft breath out as I relaxed and lowered my head back on to the pillow, I couldn’t help but close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of his arm wrapped around me again after so long of not having his touch.
Feeling sleep starting to tug me back under again, I let a soft breath out before I felt Adam moving behind me as he woke up, his arm moving away from my waist which I instantly missed before there was a movement on the bed, almost like he was turning before moving back again, his arm sliding back around my waist, his hand moving up to rest over my chest and over the faint outline of his dog tags as I felt his body move closer behind mine as he settled his cheek against the back of my neck, his warm breath tickling slightly before I let myself be dragged back under again, the feeling of being safe in his arms flooding through my mind.

Waken up for the second time, I could feel Adam’s weight against my back from where I was half layed on my front, one of my arms curled up under the pillow I was sleeping on and my other hand tangled around Adam’s own fingers which had my heart skipping a few beats. Laying there for a few minutes, I let myself bask in Adam’s warmth before I felt my bladder starting to protest against me as I buried my face in to the pillow to muffle my groan.
Slowly working my way out form Adam’s hold, I paused on the edge of the bed to turn and look at him, part of my mind telling me that I was just checking to make sure that I hadn’t woke him up and another part of my mind telling me that I was double checking that it was Adam who had been sleeping behind me all night and not just my imagination. Watching Adam’s sleeping face, I smiled softly to myself before I was pushing myself up and heading off in to the bathroom joined to my room. Starting the shower up, I started to undress before using the toilet quickly before I climbed in under the waters spray and let a heavy sigh out as the water fell down over my shoulders, I wanted to get out again and crawl back in to bed with Adam but I didn’t want to wake him up while trying in case he decided to get up instead. Shaking my thoughts away, I slowly worked my hands over my body with soap before washing it away again and repeating the same action apart with my hair instead before I was turning the water off and climbing out again.
Tightening my towel around my waist, I pushed my clothes in to my hamper before I was slowly walking back out in to my bedroom to see Adam had woke up and left, sighing to myself as I shook my head, I took my time with drying off and dressing before I was heading downstairs and in to the kitchen.

‘’Uncle Tommy…Auntie Raja made pancakes for breakfast and Uncle Adam made waffles’’ Roseanna called out as I paused in the doorway and looked up at her sudden out bust. Laughing softly, I shook my head before running my fingers through my damp hair as I moved towards the counter with the coffee.
‘’Morning sunshine’’ Raja spoke out before I let a small grunt out, my hands wrapping around a cup as I poured coffee in to it and lifted it to my lips, drinking half of it down, I turned slowly to lean against the counter before I looked up at the other three.
‘’Late night’’ I asked, eyes pointed towards Raja as she grinned.
‘’Wonderful night actually’’ She teased, ‘’thought I would pop in and check on you before I headed home to change’’ Watching her face as she smirked, I instantly knew that she had probably seen me and Adam curled together in my bed as I nodded slightly and walked over and in to her arms as she stood and held them open for a hug, ‘’I see you and Adam is doing okay’’ She whispered in to my ear as I shrugged slightly.
‘’Baby steps’’ I whispered back to her a she let me go and pushed me down in to the chair she had been sat in beside Adam before she was moving around and filling a plate up before placing it in front of me with a kiss to the top of my head.
‘’Enjoy breakfast my babies, I will see you all soon again, going to go home and sleep and change’’ She grinned as I nodded.
‘’Thanks for keeping an eye on the monster while we were still sleeping’’ I spoke out as she smiled towards me and nodded.
‘’Any time sweetheart’’ Returning her wave, I turned back and started to eat before my coffee cup was being moved away and a fresh one being moved in to its place as I glanced up at Adam with a smile.
‘’Thank you’’
‘’don’t need to thank me Tommy, I know how much you need in the morning to wake you up properly’’ Adam told me with a warm smile as I nodded. Watching as he headed back towards the counter, I smiled softly before I turned back to see Roseanna staring at me.
‘’You’re silly Uncle Tommy’’ She sighed before shaking her head.

Chapter Text

‘’Princess, are you ready?’’ Looking up from where I was sitting at my desk, I glanced over at Roseanna to see her sat at the piano, her head lifting to look towards the door along with mine as Adam stepped in.
‘’Ready for what?’’ She asked as I looked back down and carried on writing the notes I had playing in my head.
‘’For the appointment I have, I told you yesterday that we would have to stop of somewhere first before anything else could be done’’ Adam spoke out as I looked back up again with a frown.
‘’You have an appointment?’’ I asked as Adam’s eyes flashed over to me and he nodded slightly. Hearing the slamming of the piano lid, I turned and mentally winched as Rosy jumped down and ran towards me with a large smile.
‘’Are you going to come with us Uncle Tommy’’ She asked as I looked at her, ‘’Uncle Adam said that he would take me for ice cream afterwards’’ She grinned as I sighed softly and reached out to run my fingertips through her hair softly.
‘’I have to work sweetheart’’ I told her as she deflated a little and looked up at Adam before turning back again.
‘’Fine’’ She huffed before walking away again, my eyes following her as she pushed past Adam and I sighed a little as I rubbed at my wrist slightly before I was dropping my eyes and turning back around in my chair to look at the notes I had written down.
I could feel Adam’s eyes watching me still as I breathed out slightly and ran my fingers through my hair before my hand rested on the back of my neck and I let my fingertips play with the chain of the dog tags slightly as footsteps entered the room again.
‘’Tommy…’’ Adam’s voice was soft before there was another huff and I turned slightly to see Roseanna walking back in and grabbing his hand.
‘’Forget him Uncle Adam, he’s being an idiot and locking himself away again like daddy says’’ She told him before she was starting to tug on his hand, ‘’daddy says its just best to let him waste away in here until he’s ready to leave’’

Swallowing at her words, I let my eyes rest on her before her own found mine and she quickly looked away again and tugged on Adam’s hand again as he let a soft breath out and I noticed him nod out the edge of my eyesight.
‘’Alright, go get something which will keep you busy while I talk with the doctor’s princess’’ Adam spoke out before I turned fully and looked at him with wide eyes.
‘’Doctors! Are you okay?’’ I asked quickly as Adam looked over.
‘’Im fine, just a checkup’’ He shrugged, ‘’nothing too big about it, just got to make sure that everything is still healthy and that im not going to have a stroke or something stupid like that’’ He shrugged.
‘’Nothing…Adam it’s your health, how can that be nothing?’’ I asked as he shrugged slightly and slipped a hand in to his pocket.
‘’Got some coloring and a book’’ Roseanna’s voice suddenly broke through the quietness which had fallen between us as Adam turned and nodded towards her with a smile.
‘’Let’s get going then’’ He grinned before they were walking out of the room. sitting there in shock a little from how Adam treated the appointment, I breathed out and turned to look at the paper before I was dropping the pencil and grabbing my phone and wallet before I was moving out of the room and along the hallway where I snagged my boots of the floor by the door and a jacket from the rack and crashed through the front door which had Adam turning quickly, his movements quick as he moved back, hands going to my shoulders as I tripped slightly and I felt my cheeks warm.
‘’Thanks’’ I told him quietly before he nodded and slowly let my go, my eyes watching his face as he turned and moved towards the car as I locked the house up.
Turning to see the car still parked there, the engine running, I walked over and pulled the passenger’s side door open and slipped inside before I glanced over at Adam to see a faint smile on his lips before I was pulling the door closed again and dropped my things on the dashboard and my boots on the floor before I was shrugging the jacket on before leaning down to pull my shoes on.

Feeling the chain start to slide out from under my shirts, I quickly reached up only to feel warmth, turning to look at Adam, I quickly glanced down to see his own fingertips wrap around the chain softly and pull it up until his dog tags slowly came in to view along with his ring which had me swallowing slightly as I looked back up to see his eyes on them, a small smile curling his lips up before he was dropping his hand away again and turned back to pulling out of my drive and on to the main road as I went back to pulling my shoes on, the warmth of his body wrapped around mine from this morning still wrapped around me like a ghost as I breathed out and slowly sat back in the seat.
Leaning against the car door, I opened the window slightly and ran my fingers through my hair again before I dropped them down to the chain around my neck as I stared out at the view as Adam drove, I knew that things were slowly getting better between us but I knew at the same time that things were going to take a long time to get back to anything close to normal again like it used to be and then I still wondered if things would ever be the same as I dropped my eyes down to my lap before up again as a buzz echoed against the dashboard and I leaned forward to grab my phone to see Dave’s name flashing across the screen.

‘’Hello’’ I answered as I sat back again and let my eyes return back to the window.
‘’Tommy dude, the label loves the album but they have concerns about the last song’’ Dave told me as I sighed deeply and let my eyes slide shut as I rubbed at my temple again.
‘’And what concerns are those’’ I asked quietly as I felt Adam’s glaze drift over to me before moving away quickly again.
‘’They don’t think the song should be on it, don’t get me wrong, they love the track but they think it should be changed, like the tempo a little quicker and a little more upbeat and maybe with less emotion in it, they think it could bring down the sales of it’’
‘’Im not changing it’’ I told him as I opened my eyes again and swallowed.
‘’Tommy-’’
‘’No Dave, you can tell them that, im not changing my song just because they don’t think it should show that much emotion, that’s how I wrote the song, that’s how I play the song, if they don’t like the album as it is with the song like it is then tell them that I don’t want the album to be released, I don’t care if the sales go down because of one song on a fifteen track CD’’
‘’Okay, okay Tommy, I’ll tell them that you don’t want to change anything, they wont be happy’’
‘’I don’t care if they aren’t happy’’ I told him honestly, ‘’if it’s going to be that much of a problem then they can fire me, drop me from the label, I don’t care anymore. I write music the way I feel like it should be, I don’t write music to please a bunch of people in suits who sit around a large glass table and talk about music like they know how it feels to write’’
‘’Okay, want me to tell them anything else while you’re on a roll?’’ Dave asked, a slight laugh to his voice which I breathed out at.
‘’Yeah, tell them that im taking some time off’’ I told him as I felt Adam’s eyes on me again, ‘’and that if anyone calls me until im ready to step back inside the studio, I wont answer’’
‘’Alright, have a good time doing whatever man’’
‘’Thanks for letting me know’’
‘’No problem’’ Dave told me, ‘’see you around’’
‘’Bye’’ I mumbled before I was pulling the phone away from my ear as the call ended, locking it, I leaned forward again and dropped it down on to the dashboard before I was sitting back with a heavy sigh.

‘’Everything okay’’ Adam asked as I turned my head to look over at him with a slight nod before I was glancing back to see Roseanna reading her book, turning back again, I let a sigh out before I shook my head.
‘’Not really, the producers want me to change one of my songs’’ I told him as he nodded. ‘’that the emotion in it is too raw or something stupid like that and that because of that one song that the sales of the album would go down’’ I muttered out as my eyes found themselves staring out of the window again.
‘’IS it the song you played last that night in the bar?’’ Adam asked after a few minutes of quiet between us and I turned to look at him to see him glance over as I nodded slightly and looked away again, the embarrassment of knowing that he saw me break down like I did still in the back of my mind. ‘’I liked it how it was’’ Adam said quietly, ‘’the emotion shows the meaning of the song and how you feel as an artist, I thought it was beautiful and if they want to change it then they are the stupid ones’’ He told me as I bit at my lip slightly and glanced over to see him staring at the road.
‘’You really mean that?’’ I asked as Adam glanced over, his eyes meeting mine before away again as he nodded.
‘’I do’’ He whispered out.

Looking up at the building as Adam turned in, I swallowed slightly as I recognized it as being the same one I had to come to for a while after everything I had done to talk to someone and to make sure that I didn’t slip back in to the darkness I had been in.
‘’Tommy’’ Hearing Adam’s voice, I turned to see him out of the car and leaning back in before I was unbuckling my seatbelt and grabbing my phone and wallet again and getting out.
‘’Sorry’’ I told him quietly before he smiled towards me and locked the car up as a smaller hand slipped in to mine and I looked down at Roseanna with a soft smile which she returned.
Walking across the car park and in to the building, I swallowed slightly at the smell of cleaning chemicals and other things which many hospital type buildings used before I was following Adam down another corridor which brought back many memories before he was turning towards the front desk and I lead Roseanna towards the waiting area and picked her up to sit her on a chair.
‘’Mr. Ratliff’’ Jumping slightly, I turned to see one of the doctors who had seen me and treated me staring with a soft smile which I returned.
‘’Dr. Myles’’ I spoke out with a slight swallow.
‘’Not slipping back are you?’’ He asked before I realized it was because I was here and I shook my head slightly.
‘’No, Im far from anything like that anymore, im a lot happier with things in my life and I’ve promised myself to never go back that way again. I’m also still taking the anti depressants prescribed by Dr. Kennedy’’ I told him as he nodded with a smile.
‘’That’s good to hear, and how are you with the therapy?’’ He asked and I swallowed slightly as I noticed Adam look up as he walked closer, the question clearly heard as I swallowed again.
‘’I…um don’t go any more’’ I told him as he frowned slightly.
‘’How has that been for you’’ Dr. Myles asked as I nodded slightly.
‘’Quite good, I’ve not had a nightmare in a long time, and I surround myself with friends and family again so that helps’’
‘’Yeah but that’s only when your not working Uncle Tommy…and that’s all the time’’ Roseanna spoke out as I looked down at her quickly and Dr. Myles laughed softly.
‘’Still working hard on the music then I see’’ He asked as I nodded and glanced up at Adam again as he walked closer, ‘’that’s good to hear, but if your not here for any of your therapy or sessions…’’ He trailed off before I bit at the inside of my lip.
‘’Just hear with a friend for his check up’’ I told him as Adam stepped around from behind and gave a slight nod.
‘’And you must be the friend’’ He asked Adam as he looked between us and nodded slightly.
‘’Yeah…sorry, Im Adam’’ He told the guy before holding his hand out which Dr. Myles looked at before shaking quickly and went through his forms.
‘’And is your last name Lambert?’’ He asked as I glanced up at Adam as he nodded.
‘’Yes it is’’ He answered as Dr. Myles smiled.
‘’Well then, it seems that you are my next patient then’’ He chuckled, ‘’a checkup for a gunshot wound sustained while over in deployment with the US Army’’ He spoke out as Adam nodded. ‘’why don’t you follow me and we will get everything checked out’’
‘’Sounds great’’ Adam spoke out as Dr. Myles smiled and glanced back at me.
‘’Why don’t you and the little one come with us Tommy, I also want to talk to you about the depressants’’ He told me as I swallowed and nodded slightly.

Helping Roseanna down again, I kept hold of her hand as we followed the other two down to the office I knew pretty well before stepping inside and closing the door again, setting Roseanna down on one of the chairs to the side, I sat beside her as Adam took one of the seats in front of the doctors desk, his eyes glancing over before he was turning back to Dr. Myles as he sat himself.
Listening through as they talked, I couldn’t help but notice the way Adam would glance over towards us every so often when Dr. Myles wasn’t looking before they were moving to the other side of the room where Adam sat on the table and pulled his shirt up and over his head. Lowering my eyes, I watched Roseanna do some coloring before I was reaching over and grabbing one of her pencils and started to color in one of her other pictures which had her grinning up at me before I stuck my tongue out at her which set her of laughing as I glanced back up at Adam to see him grinning at me before Dr. Myles looked over with his own smile.

‘’Alright, one more deep breath Adam’’ Dr. Myles spoke out as I looked back up again to see his hand on Adam’s back while he held the end of his stethoscope to the other and listened. His mouth in a soft line before he was nodding softly to himself, ‘’everything sounds in tip top shape’’ He spoke out before he was stepping away and motioning for him to put his shirt back on, ‘’how are you on other basic levels of health?’’ He asked as he picked the clipboard back up again, ‘’any flash backs or headaches, loss of memory?’’ He asked before Adam shook his head.
‘’I did have flashbacks for a while which caused me to stop sleeping’’ Adam spoke out which caused a frown to appear on Dr. Myles’s face, ‘’that was about a month ago now since the last one, I had a buddy from my team stay with me for a while to help me out and it seemed to do the trick.’’
‘’That’s good, often officers can have flashbacks and not do anything about them and it causes a reaction inside their brain to happen, the longer they leave it the more paranoid the person can become and that’s often when other things start turning up like violence’’ He explained as Adam nodded. ‘’but I don’t think there is anything else which we need to go over here today, I understand that you have been told that these checks up will be often throughout the next year, maybe two?’’ He asked as Adam nodded.
‘’Yes, I was told before I was discharged from the hospital that I would need them because of how close the bullets hit’’ Adam spoke back as I tore my eyes away again and back to Roseanna as she looked up and smiled at me.
‘’Alright, then you are free to go until I see you again I three months time’’ Dr. Myles smiled as Adam stood up and shook his hand firmly before he was walking over.

‘’Hey, stay with Uncle Adam for a quick moment’’ I told Roseanna as she looked up and nodded at me as I stood and walked towards the doctor as he motioned me over.
‘’So I’ve heard from Dr. Kennedy that you have been asked to be taken off your prescription’’ He asked as I nodded slightly and tucked my fingers around the edge of my sleeves before I was uncurling them again and pushed them in to my pockets.
‘’I have, I don’t feel like I need to be on them any more’’ I told him as he nodded slightly.
‘’Have you been moved down to a lower dose?’’ HE asked as I nodded again.
‘’On the lowest you can get, Dr. Kennedy don’t seem to think that I am ready yet’’ I explained which had him nodding again as he smiled.
‘’Well I will have a talk to him, from seeing you again today, I can see a big improvement in everything Tommy, you should be proud of yourself, so should your friends and family and remember just to take it easy on the work’’ He told me with a grin which I laughed at softly and nodded before I was pulling a hand out and rubbed at the back of my neck before he glanced toward Adam. ‘’and it’s good that things are better between you both from what I heard in our last session’’ He told me quietly as I blushed a little and nodded.

.o0o.Adam.o0o.

Stepping out of the doctor’s office, I couldn’t help but glance back over my shoulder as Tommy spoke with the doctor still before he was shaking hands and heading towards us with a small smile before he was lowering his eyes again and pushing his hands in to his pockets again.
‘’Can we get ice cream now?’’ Roseanna asked as we headed across the car park and I unlocked the car with a soft laugh.
‘’I don’t see why not, are you going to come with us Tommy?’’ I asked as he looked up and shrugged.
‘’Sure why not’’ He told me as I smiled at him, a shy one appearing over his lips before he was climbing inside.

Getting in and starting the car up, I pulled out of the space and started to drive again before I glanced over to see Tommy staring out of the window as his hand rested over his chest slightly, fingers moving along the edge of the dog tags which he still had. Turning back to the road, I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I thought about the way he still had both my tags and the ring I had given him when I had left the last time I had saw him, nor could I stop thinking about the way I had woken up this morning to find myself curled around Tommy before I had let him go quickly to look at the time and wonder where Rosy was before I heard hers and Sutan’s voice from downstairs and new that it was okay to stay there a little longer before I had turned back over and wrapped my arm back around him as I moved closer to the warmth of his smaller frame. It had been a long time since I had last held him and I still didn’t want to lose that memory as I turned the car of the main road and headed down towards the beach.

Parked up and walking along, I laughed softly as Roseanna ran on ahead slightly, leaving me and Tommy walking along the side walk together.
‘’When do you have to give her back’’ Tommy asked softly as I glanced over at him.
‘’In  a few hours, told Sophie I would have her back in time for her to have her tea’’ I told him as he nodded and glanced over with a small smile once he noticed me watching him still. Looking back up as Roseanna’s footsteps neared again, I grinned as she grabbed our hands and started to drag us towards a small beach side café before inside again where she let my hand go and dragged Tommy towards an empty booth near the windows.
Heading up to the counter, I quickly ordered some drinks and ice cream before I was handing the money over and heading towards the booth with the tray before I was sliding in beside Tommy as Roseanna bounced in her seat. Handing her drink and ice cream over, I pushed Tommy’s towards him to see him glance down before up again with a small smile which I returned again and moved the tray to the end of the table as I picked my own spoon up and started to eat.
An hour later, I watched as Roseanna moved towards the small play area in the café before I was turning back again to see Tommy picking the ice cubes out of his drink before his eyes met mine and a soft blush moved over his cheeks as he noticed me watching.
‘’Thank you’’ I told him softly as he paused and looked back up at me again as I cleaned the spoon I had been using off with a napkin and handed it towards him.
‘’What for’’ He asked as he took it from me and fished the cubes out easier.
‘’For coming with me today’’ I told him before I looked up out the window before back at him again, ‘’I was scared to go alone’’ I admitted as he paused and looked at me, his eyes warm before he smiled softly and nodded.
‘’It’s okay’’ He told me before holding the spoon out with a ice cube on, grinning I took it off and moved it in to my mouth before I was sitting back and turning to look back over at Roseanna.

Chapter Text

‘’Tommy-Joe, is that really you’’ Turning, I looked up from putting the last item on the check out to see a women stood there with a large smile which I quickly returned.
‘’Ellie…what, it’s good to see you again’’ I told her as she laughed. ‘’how is Jason’’ I asked as I moved down and pulled my wallet out as she started to put her things on the checkout behind mine.
‘’He’s great, just got back from his last tour, but look at you, the girls and I haven’t seen you since…since the last get together and god, how long was that’’ She asked as I blushed slightly and handed my money over to the cashier with a smile.
‘’About three years ago now’’ I told her honestly as she smiled sadly at me. Turning back to the cashier, I took my change and pushed it back in to my wallet and moved around to grab the bags.
‘’Such a long time’’ She sighed as I nodded slightly. ‘’but what are you doing now, im on the way to meeting with some of the girls, they would love to see you again if you would want to join me’’
‘’I would love too, I have a lot of free time on my hands at the moment, taking a break from the studios’’ I grinned as I waited for her to pay before we were heading out of the store together. ‘’where are you meeting too’’ I asked as we reached the carpark and I paused slightly to look towards her.
‘’At the park, why don’t you just follow behind me’’ She told me as I nodded.
‘’Sounds good, I take it you still have the same car’’ I asked as she winked and nodded across the lot to see the blue car parked up under the shade of a tree.
‘’As always honey’’ She teased as I laughed.
‘’Alright, I will see you guys in a bit then I guess’’ I grinned as she nodded.

My bags packed in to the trunk, I soon found myself following behind Ellie’s car and on to the main road as I thought about the last time I had seen her and the rest of the support group, I could still remember their faces when I told them that I didn’t know how to feel any more and that I wasn’t going to be turning up to any more of the meetings with them as well as the fact that I had ended things between me and Adam. They hadn’t be angry, more worried than anything  when I hugged them goodbye and left again, the feeling of my heart beating against my chest harshly had me nearly in tears back then.
Shaking my thoughts away, I turned on to another road and let my elbow rest against the doorframe and window as my fingertips touched against the chain around my neck, my thoughts slowly drifting back to when I saw Adam last, the week before. It still scared me with how he brushed his doctor’s appointment off before the soft conversation we had shared after the ice cream when he told me that he had been scared to go alone, that had been the first moment I really looked at him that day and saw the truth in his eyes before he smiled and I held the ice cube out to him like we had used to do a lot together, the memory making me smile slightly before I let it drop again as I pulled up beside Ellie’s car and climbed out and locked up.

Helping her with a few things out of her own car, I pushed my keys in to my pocket before we were walking in to the park and across the grass towards a small group sat near the shade of a large tree.
‘’Girls I have a surprise for you all’’ Ellie called out as I laughed softly, ‘’look who I happened to bump in to one the way here’’ She sing-songed out before they were turning to look towards both before a chorus of my name was called out, laughing as I placed the bag I was carrying down, I returned each of their hugs before I was being pulled down between two of them.
‘’Ladies…for those who don’t know this sweet, sweet boy here, this is Tommy and he used to be one of us deployment wags’’
‘’Deployment wags really Lindsey, you are still calling yourself that’’ I teased as she laughed and playfully slapped my arm.
‘’Well what else would you of called us’’ She winked as I laughed.
‘’A bunch of lovely and gorgeous women’’ I told them as she smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to my cheek.
‘’Well look what the cat dragged in’’ Turning slightly, I grinned before I was standing and turning towards the other women who came closer, a baby in her arms as she shook her head. ‘’if it isn’t Tommy-Joe in the flesh, boy its been three years, where have you been’’
‘’It’s nice to see you too Jessie and who might this little thing be’’ I asked as she stopped in front of me, my eyes falling on the baby in her arms as I smiled and waved his hand.
‘’Little Max’’ She smiled before her hand was coming up to hold my wrist before it was being pulled higher.
‘’Jessie don’t’’ I told her as her eyes flashed up to mine and I swallowed.
‘’You know you didn’t have to stop meeting with us because of things breaking of between you and that boy’’ She told me as she rubbed his thumb over the main scar on my wrist as I nodded.
‘’I know, but I busied myself with my music’’ I shrugged with a grin as she laughed.
‘’Oh my, you are that Tommy-Joe aren’t you’’ Someone spoke out as I turned and looked them over as the rest laughed.
‘’Oh darling, you have so much to catch up on’’ Jessie told me as we moved back to the group and sat down again.

Sure enough, I soon found myself sitting there still nearly three hours later, still laughing around from where I was leaning back on my elbows, my jacket beside me as Jessie moved the small umbrella over Max more from where he was fast asleep on the blanket beside her.
‘’So when is the new album coming out sweetie’’ Ellie asked from across the group as I shrugged slightly.
‘’Should be within the next month, I guess they will wait until I go back in to work again’’ I grinned, ‘’I decided to take some personal time off although it is killing me’’ I laughed.
‘’And how long has it lasted so far’’
‘’Two weeks and I still haven’t picked a guitar up or gone in to the studio, been crashing at friend’s houses so im not tempted’’ I grinned as Lindsey laughed.
‘’So we heard about Adam’’ Jessie said softly as I breathed out and nodded slightly as I sat back up, ‘’how is he doing’’
‘’I guess he’s doing okay, I mean since he got out the hospital and came back, I haven’t seen him much, I saw him last week when he was babysitting for a friend of ours, I went to the doctors appointment with him which in turn ended up with me also being seen by my own doctor’’ I grinned, ‘’but no, he’s happy with my progress with everything which has gone on and everything is fine with Adam, he was lucky’’ I told them as they nodded with smiles.
‘’That’s good to hear’’ Ellie told me as I nodded.
‘’Uncle Tommy’’ Turning, I had just about enough time to catch Roseanna as she flew in to my lap laughing.
‘’Hey squirt’’ I grinned at her as the girls laughed and I glanced about with a frown before I turned back, ‘’where’s your mom and dad?’’ I asked as a large smile appeared over her face which I always knew meant trouble.
‘’Mommy is at work and daddy is with Uncle Sutan’’ She told me before her eyes was moving around everyone with a smile before she waved.
‘’So who are you with’’ I asked as she turned back and pointed to someone in the distance.
‘’Uncle Adam brought me’’ She told me as I looked at her and then around to see him walking towards us slowly before I was glancing back towards Ellie and the girls who were smiling softly towards me.

Standing up, I picked Roseanna up as I took a few steps towards him as he stopped and offered a small smile towards me.
‘’Hi’’ I told him softly as he nodded.
‘’Hey Tommy’’
‘’I believe this one belongs to you at the moment?’’ I asked as he chuckled softly and nodded.
‘’That very much is true, im sorry, she took of running the moment see saw you over here, I hope we aren’t interrupting anything’’ He told me as I shook my head.
‘’Of course your not darling, come and join us, maybe Tommy wont feel so alone with being the only boy’’ Ellie’s voice called out as I grinned and shook my head slightly as I glanced over my shoulder.
‘’Hey, I have Max’’
‘’Oh don’t you bring my son in to this Tommy-Joe’’ Jessie called out which had me sticking my tongue out and turning back to glance at Adam to see him smiling towards them.
‘’You won’t mind?’’ He asked as I smiled and shook my head.
‘’No I don’t, and trust me, the girls wont take no as an answer’’ I told him before I turned to see them staring at me, ‘’what it’s the truth’’ I told them as I put Roseanna down again. Walking back over, I sat down again as Lindsey moved around and Adam sat beside me, his eyes glancing around before they landed on Jessie before Max.
‘’You’re Danny’s Jessie aren’t you’’ Adam asked her as she looked over with a smile and nodded.
‘’I am indeed’’ She smiled which had Adam chuckling softly with a nod.
‘’Adam this is Ellie, Lindsey’’ I started to introduce him to everyone before he glanced over at me with a smile.
‘’I remember you telling me about the support group in one of your letters, I didn’t know you still met up’’ He told me quietly as I blushed a little and shrugged.
‘’Oh this is the first time in three years Adam honey, our boy here found himself bumping in to Ellie in the store’’ Jessie grinned as I shot her a look as he laughed.

Smiling softly as Adam got on with the others, I softly turned my eyes away and looked towards Roseanna to see her playing nearby, y thoughts have lost as I thought about the warmth I could feel from Adam beside me before I found myself being brought back to reality as something got thrown at me.
Looking down at the toy in my lap, I looked up and at Jessie as she smiled at me sweetly as I grinned threw the toy back at her again. ‘’Looking a little lost there Tommy’’ She told me as I shrugged a little.
‘’Just thinking about stuff’’ I told her as she raised an eyebrow and glanced over at Adam who was talking to Lindsey before back at me as I felt my cheeks warn slightly.
‘’Uh huh, if you say so sweetie’’ She laughed before she was sitting up as Max started to stir. ‘’I should get this one home for feeding’’ She grinned as she was picking him up.
‘’I should be making a move too, told Sophie that I would have her daughter home for dinner and we walked’’ Adam’s voice came out softly as I glanced over at him.
‘’I can give you a lift if you want’’ I told him as he looked over, a small smile on his face as he nodded.
‘’That would be nice, sure your not going out your way?’’ He asked as I smiled and shook my head.
‘’Nah, got to do something to stay busy’’ I grinned.
‘’Still not gone back in?’’ He asked as we both stood and I brushed the grass off my jeans.
‘’Nope’’ I laughed before I glanced towards Roseanna. ‘’im going to go get the monster’’ I told him as he nodded.
Walking away from everyone else, I pushed my hands in to my pockets as I got closer to Roseanna, her small head looking up with a large smile.
‘’Uncle Tommy, are you coming to play with me?’’ She asked as I grinned softly and shook my head.
‘’No sweetie, come to get you, im going to drive you and Uncle Adam home so you don’t have to walk’’ I told her as I glanced over my shoulder to see Adam hugging the others before I noticed Jessie saying something to him, a small blush forming over his face as he nodded and glanced over, his eyes catching mine before he was looking away quickly again as I turned back to Roseanna.

.o0o.

‘’Really, thank you Tommy’’ Adam told me as I turned and glanced over with a smile as I shrugged.
‘’You don’t have to keep thanking me Adam, really I wanted to do it’’ I told him as he nodded slightly, his blue eyes shifting to the back to see Roseanna before I turned and grinned softly to see that she was asleep. ‘’plus, it would’ve killed you to have to carry her’’ I whispered softly as he laughed and nodded.
‘’You’re right’’ Adam grinned as I sat back in my seat again.
‘’Want me to help you in with her?’’ I asked softly, part of my mind wanted to stay longer despite the two of us only really talking a small amount on the drive back to Sophie’s.
‘’No it’s fine, im sure Sophie wouldn’t want her to sleep for too long if shes already home, if not, I’ll just put her down on the couch for now’’
Nodding softly, I watched as Adam looked at me softly, his eyes trailing over before he smiled softly and started to climb out the car as I let a small breath out, my heart beating fast against my chest before the back door was being pulled open and I turned slightly to watch as he unstrapped Roseanna and pulled her in to his arms.
‘’Thanks again for the ride Tommy, I know you keep telling me that I don’t need to say it but I want too’’ Adam told me as he crouched slightly to peer through the open window as I nodded.
‘’I know’’ I smiled which he returned softy with a nod. Watching as he started to walk away, I swallowed and bit my lip before I was leaning forward, ‘’hey Adam’’ I called out as he paused and turned back to look towards me.
‘’Yeah’’
‘’Have a good night, whatever you end up doing’’ I told him as a smile appeared over his lips as he nodded.
‘’You too Tommy’’ He smiled, a small wave leaving his arms which was still wrapped around Roseanna which I returned before I was sitting back starting the car back up again before I watched him disappear in to the house before I pulled out of the drive and started for home.

Nearly five hours later, I found myself walking through the house with a glass of wine in one hand and the bottle in the other as I headed in to the lounge and sat both down on to the table before I moved around and looked through my films, choosing one and putting it on, I moved to go and sit back down again when the sound of the doorbell echoed through the otherwise quiet house.
Frowning as I glanced towards the time before I was heading back out in to the kitchen and through to the hallway as I moved towards the door, my mind wondering who it could be before I was unlocking the door and pulling it open.
‘’Adam’’ Staring at him as he turned, I swallowed slightly as he offered a shy smile and rubbed the back of his neck slightly.
‘’Hey’’ He whispered softly. ‘’Um…sorry, I didn’t mean to call around so late its just that I got home and then realized that I left my jacket in your car’’ He told me as I nodded slightly.
‘’Oh yeah’’ I smiled before stepping backwards, ‘’come in, it’s in the lounge, didn’t want to leave it out in the car’’ I told him as he smiled softly and stepped inside, hands brushing over each other as I pushed the door closed and past him. ‘’I was going to call, but I completely forgot.’’
‘’its fine’’ Adam’s voice echoed out from behind me as I headed through in to the kitchen, his footsteps soft behind telling me that he had taken his shoes off.  ‘’I’m not interrupting anything again am I?’’ He asked as we stepped in to the lounge, glancing over at him, I could see his eyes roaming over the lounge in the dim light, his eyes falling from the TV which had the movie menu up before they were falling to the table where I had left the bottle of wine and my glass sat.
‘’Of course not’’ I told him softly as his eyes lifted back to me with a small smile. ‘’just a distraction from music’’
‘’How’s that going for you?’’ Adam asked as I sat back down on the couch and picked my glass up to take a sip before I let a soft laugh out.
‘’Not good’’ I grinned, ‘’I’ve had to go as far as locking the door and giving Sutan the keys to it to stop me’’ I admitted as he laughed softly and nodded.
‘’You’re doing well so far’’ Adam smiled as I nodded and looked back up at him, his face looked shadowed in the dim light of the lounge, the only light I had on was the small lamp on the other side of the couch along with the TV, his blue eyes bight as he smiled back before dropping back down again as I bit at my lower lip and stood again, my glass in one hand and his jacket in the other as I stepped closer and held carefully as I rubbed my thumb over lightly.
‘’Would you…’’ I started as Adam turned back to look up at me, ‘’would you like to stay for a drink or something?’’ I asked quietly.

‘’You want me to stay?’’ He asked as I nodded slightly.
‘’Only if you want to I mean, you don’t have too or anything but I just thought…I don’t know the company would be nice for once’’ I whispered as I held his jacket out. Feeling his fingers brush mine as he took his jacket, I lightly looked up at him as he smiled and turned slightly to place it down over the arm of the chair.
‘’I would love to Tommy’’ He told me softly as I smiled.
‘’Would you like a drink…I have a few different things in the fridge…wine I don’t know’’
‘’Wine would be fine’’ He smiled as I nodded. Heading past him and back in to the kitchen again, I took another mouthful of my own wine before I was sitting my glass down and crossing across the kitchen to the other side, reaching up I pulled the cupboard open  and reached up towards the glasses before I cursed slightly as my fingertips brushed over the glass stem. ‘’Here’’ Hearing Adam’s voice from behind me, I jumped slightly before a hand was settling on my waist as Adam’s hand brushed past mine to grab the glass before he was stepping away again. Closing the cupboard, I turned to see Adam blushing slightly as I bit at my lip. ‘’im sorry, I didn’t mean…I just thought…I saw you struggling and-’’
‘’It’s fine’’ I cut him off with a soft smile, ‘’I don’t normally drink wine but Sutan does and he’s here a lot so he keeps the glasses up there, I hardly drink but I just fancied one tonight’’ I shrugged as he smiled.
‘’You don’t have to tell me your actions’’ Adam told me as I nodded, taking the glass from him gentle, I glanced up at him as he smiled softly and took a step back.

Leading back in to the lounge, I put Adam’s glass down and perched on the edge of the couch again as I picked the wine bottle up before I was looking up to see Adam walking back in, my own glass in his hand as he smiled and lifted it slightly.
‘’You left it on the counter’’ He told me as I nodded.
‘’Sorry…didn’t think’’ I told him honestly as he walked over and placed it down on the coffee table next to mine.
‘’Are you okay’’ Adam asked as he sat down and I nodded.
‘’Im fine, I guess I just don’t know what to do with myself when im not working on a song’’ Pouring some wine in to Adam’s glass, I refilled my own as I picked them up and handed Adam’s his as he nodded.
‘’I understand, I still don’t know what to do myself most days’’ He admitted to me. ‘’I wake up early most mornings and I end up just laying in bed trying to sleep again but I cant’’ Adam told me as he settled back against the couch and took a sip from his wine. ‘’other times, I find myself doing things over and over just to waste time, you don’t have to feel ashamed about it or feel lost any time’’
‘’I know, it’s just strange not playing sometimes’’ I whispered as he smiled softly.
‘’Then play for yourself, like you did the first time we ever met at Mia’s party, play for fun not work’’ Adam said quietly as I looked at him and nodded softly.
‘’I’ll think about it’’

Settling back, I pressed play on the movie and took comfort in knowing that I wasn’t alone anymore, that the temptation had grown a lot less since Adam had agreed to stay. Sipping at my drink slowly, I leaned forward and placed it back on the table. Sitting back again, I noticed how I was angled a little closer to Adam again as he leaned forward to place his own drink down.
Yawning softly half way through the film, I reached up and lightly rubbed at the side of my neck before warm fingers against the back of my neck; rubbing had me glancing over at Adam with a small smile.
‘’You tired?’’ He asked, his voice was quiet as I breathed out lightly.
‘’Only a little, I’ll be fine’’ I smiled as he nodded softly and turned back to the TV again, his fingers still stroking over the back of my neck softly.
Slowly as time went on, I could feel myself growing more tired with each stroke of Adam’s fingers over my skin, the movement a memory from when he used to do it when we were layed together in bed, breathing out deeply, I let myself bring my legs up on to the couch as I turned and curled in to Adam’s body slightly, his arm moving around to wrap around my shoulders before I moved again to lay my head on his thigh as his fingers slowly stroked through my hair slowly.
‘’You’re going to fall asleep’’ Adam whispered as a made a small agreeing sound, ‘’you’ll get a neck ache baby, and you’ll complain about your shoulder hurting’’
‘’I’ll be fine’’ I mumbled quietly as Adam chuckled above me softly, his fingers running through my hair once more before they were trailing down over my neck lightly, his thumb smoothing soft circles over my pulse as I let my hand curl around his thigh as I felt my eyes grow heavier.
‘’You’ll regret it when you wake up’’ Adam whispered quietly, his voice closer to my ear as I breathed out, ‘’you always did’’ He whispered with a kiss to my temple as I hummed.
‘’Mm’ be okay’’ I mumbled out again as he chuckled softly and ran his hand down my arm until his hand rested over mine. ‘’you’ll look after me’’ I whispered slowly.
‘’I always do Tommy, I always do’’ Adam’s whisper was low as I felt the last sense of awareness slipped away.

Chapter Text

Hearing the soft music playing, I opened my eyes slowly to see the menu of the movie playing on the TV as I yawned softly after realizing that I must of fallen asleep during it before I let my eyes drop down to the table to see the two half filled wine glasses before I started to take notice of the warmth under my cheek and the heavy weight across my waist. Moving slightly, I could feel the ache spread out through my shoulder and neck from sleeping against Adam’s thigh, letting a small groan out I went to move before the sleep sound of a laugh escaped from above me somewhere as fingers moved to my neck and lightly rubbed at the skin there.
‘’I did try telling you’’ Adam told me quietly, his voice laced with sleep still as I grumbled softly as I relaxed under his touch.
‘’Never listened’’ I mumbled softly as Adam chuckled softly and ran his thumb over the side of my neck lightly, letting a small content sound out, I could feel myself starting to fall back to sleep again.
‘’Tommy’’ Shifting slightly as Adam whispered my name out and moved below me, I let a small sound out as I curled my arm around him a little, ‘’baby I need you to move, I need the bathroom’’
Moving slightly, I lifted up enough for Adam to move out underneath me, laying back down, I pulled one of the cushions down under my head as I turned over to face the back of the couch with a yawn.

Yawning as I curled my legs up a little, I heard Adam’s footsteps move back towards the lounge again, feeling the couch dip behind me, I breathed out softly as I felt Adam move, his arm wrapping around my waist softly, relaxing back in to his touch, I soon found myself starting to fall asleep again.

Waken slowly, I let a small groan out and stretched out as the warmth of the sunlight floating in from the windows fell over the lounge, turning slowly, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointment when I realized I was alone again, that Adam wasn’t there with me before the sounds of things being moved around came in from the kitchen.
Pushing to my feet slowly, I yawned again as I slowly walked in to the kitchen, my hand rubbing up against the side of my neck, the ache still there as I glanced up to see Adam staring at me already before he started to grin and pointed towards one of the stools at the island counter.
‘’Sit’’ He told me, staring at him for a few seconds, I slowly walked over and pulled myself up on to the stool facing im before he turned me away from him.
‘’I told you that you end up getting neck ache’’ Adam teased out as I felt his hands rest over my shoulders, his thumbs pressing in to the back of my neck in small circles.
‘’I know’’ I groaned out at the feeling as Adam laughed softly from behind me. ’’god I’ve missed your neck rubs’’ I mumbled out as Adam kept rubbing at my neck and shoulders softly, his hands had always felt like magic whenever I used to have an aching shoulder or just wanted a massage from him.
‘’How have you been’’ Adam asked softly as his thumbs pushed against the tightness in my shoulders.
‘’Good’’ I told him honestly, ‘’Dr. Myles called bout two days after your doctor appointment’’
‘’Good news I hope’’ Adam told me as I laughed softly and nodded slightly.
‘’Yeah, Dr. Kennedy finally took me of the anit depressants which im glad off, I don’t have to worry about making sure I have my tablets away for when Roseanna’s around or worry about not having to remember to take them’’
‘’Im glad’’ Adam told me, the sound of a smile clear in his voice as I smiled myself.
‘’How’s Leila?’’ I asked softly as Adam’s hands paused slightly before they were moving on to my shoulders fully, his fingers digging in deeply as he rubbed.
‘’Mom’s great, recently went on another date with a guy called Matthew, he seems like a good guy’’ Adam told me softly as I nodded, feeling his thumbs pressing in a little deeper, I let a small sound escape my lips as I arched in to the touch.
‘’That sounds good, she deserves some happiness in her life’’ I whispered out softly as Adam chuckled softly behind me with an agreeing sound.
‘’She misses you too’’ Adam told me softly as he eased his touch up before he was moving away slowly, ‘’shes often asked if I knew if you were going to go around and see her’’

Turning around on the stool, I glanced up towards where Adam was leaning against the counter as I smiled sadly towards him and nodded, ‘’I’ll go see her soon’’ I told him as he looked up and nodded. ‘’what have you got planned for today’’ I asked him softly as I stood and moved towards the fridge and pulled two bottles of water out before handing one over to him.
‘’Not a lot really, I guess I could always sort through my washing I have and unpack the box of my things which the army sent back to me, lots of excitement I know’’ Adam chuckled softly. ‘’how about you’’
‘’Not much really, I was just going to take a walk along the beach really’’ I shrugged out.
‘’That sounds nice, it’s a nice day for it.’’ He smiled.
‘’You can join me if you want too, unless you would rather do something else’’ I asked quietly as he laughed softly and nodded.
‘’Yeah, I would like to join you’’ He smiled at me as I nodded. ‘’but im going to head home first, grab a shower and a change of clothes on, maybe we could meet somewhere’’ He asked as I nodded slightly and moved to sit back on the stool again.
‘’How about Santa Monica pier at the entrance there’’ I asked quietly, I knew that this was the most that we had spent together and alone in a few years but I couldn’t help but think back to the first two weeks we had spent together and how I had felt.
‘’The pier sounds just fine’’ Adam grinned as I smiled at him. ‘’so I guess I will see you in about an hour.’’ Adam told me as he pushed away from the counter and we slowly headed towards the front door again where he pulled it opened and paused slightly.
‘’Yeah, so I’ll see you soon, then’’ I told him as he grinned.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then Tommy’’

.o0o.

Driving down to the pier, I could feel my heart start racing against my chest at how close we had been, it had almost been like the night I helped Adam look after Roseanna and I had woken up to him wrapped around me, but I knew that was all in his sleep, that he didn’t realize that he had done any of that, not like this morning, knowing the thought of Adam calling me pet names again and going out his way to try and warn me like he used to do so many times before made me smile as I brought my hand up to cover his tags and rings again as I thought about the way he had come back and layed down with me, his arm wrapping around my waist almost like nothing had ever happened, lie we were still together.
Breathing out roughly as I pulled in to an empty spot, I quickly killed the engine and climbed out again, double checking that I had my phone and wallet, I locked the car up and started to make my way closer to the entrance of the pier.

Checking the time again, I knew that I was looking more for my own benefit than to see if he would be late or not, I knew deep down that Adam wouldn’t, that he had spent most of his adult life on a clock within the army. Breathing out slowly, I pushed my phone away before I turned slightly to look out over the pier and at everyone walking around, their laughter bright in the sunshine before I was turning and finding my stomach start flipping again when my eyes landed on Adam walking towards me, a honest smile forming over my lips which he saw as he looked up and returned it. I knew that we were getting better at being around each other again, if anything the past few hours and even weeks had proven it a lot, sure we might of got a little help and push from Roseanna always wanting to be with both of us when Sophie and Isaac needed us to babysit, but I knew that I didn’t mind it at all any more.
‘’Hey you made it on time’’ I teased out as Adam’s laughter sounded out bright around us, a few people turning to look towards him as he nodded and stepped closer.
‘’With a whole five minutes to spare’’ He winked as I grinned slightly and pushed away from the pillar I had been leaning against.
‘’I was thinking maybe about getting a drink first’’ I told him as he nodded slightly and glanced towards the pier.
‘’Sounds good, it’s pretty hot today’’ Adam grinned out as I nodded.
Smiling at him as we both turned on to the pier, I pushed my hands in to my pockets and looked around sat the different places before we got closer to the small restaurant and bar where I suddenly remembered we had come to on our very first date.
‘’Lambert’’ Turning as I heard someone call Adam’s name out, I watched as he brought his hand up and scratched at his jaw before he was turning to see the same man who had stopped him from our first date. ‘’it’s good to see you home lad, you’re mom told us what happened’’ He told him as Adam nodded as his hand dropped to his shoulder which he rubbed at.
‘’It’s good to be home’’ Adam smiled out softly before he glanced over and back with a small nod before he was turning back around and sent a small smile my way, ‘’sorry’’ He whispered as I laughed softy.
‘’You don’t need to be sorry Adam’’ I told him with a smile as I headed inside and towards the bar, glancing over my shoulder, I watched as Adam moved trough the tables and sat down at an empty one.

Feeling warm fingers brush against my hand lightly, I turned back to find Adam watching me softly, a small smile forming over his lips as I felt my cheeks warm a little, ‘’You looked lost’’ Adam whispered softly as I glanced down at our second drinks which I had gotten.
‘’Just thinking’’ I admitted with a small smile as he nodded.  ‘’are you okay’’ I asked quietly as I noticed him reach up and rub at his shoulder again, his eyes flashing to mine as he dropped his hand quickly.
‘’Sorry, no im fine, I just don’t realize I do it sometimes’’ Adam told me truthfully as I nodded and offered a small smile as I dropped my eyes back down to my beer and lifted it to my lips again.
‘’Do they ever hurt?’’ I asked quietly as I placed the bottle back down again and looked up at his shoulder before I turned my eyes to Adam’s face.
‘’Sometimes’’ He admitted, ‘’the scars feel tight and that hurts if I try to do too much when it’s like that, but most of the time, I just massage this oil stuff which I got given to loosen the skin up’’ Adam told me, ‘’but other than that, its just mostly the phantom pain I feel from when I got shot’’
‘’I’m glad that you are okay’’ I whispered out as I dropped my eyes again to the table top, ‘’I was so scared when I got the phone call to tell me that you were home here, I think the doctor was a little angry himself as I was never informed with anything from the German hospital’’
‘’I know, I made that happen’’ Adam admitted as I looked back up at him.
‘’I don’t understand’’
‘’When I got taken in, I made them not ring you, I knew that even though we hadn’t spoken in about three years, I didn’t want you getting hurt with the news that I had been hurt, I didn’t want them to tell you I was alive and then suddenly to get the news that I had passed away’’ Adam whispered quietly, a small blush heating his cheeks as he looked away. Staring at him with the new knowledge, I didn’t know how to feel at first before the warmth was slowly returning again as I stretched my own hand out and let my fingers brush over the back of his knuckles which was around his own drink as his eyes returning to mine again.
‘’Thank you’’ I whispered to him, ‘’I think if I knew you were hurt in another country, I don’t know what I would’ve done or been like’’ I told him as he nodded with a soft smile.

Finishing our drinks off, I started to walk out while Adam placed the bottles in to the bin, pulling my jacket on, I smiled lightly to myself and moved away from the entrance to let someone else pass.
‘’Tommy’’ Turning at the sound of my name, I froze slightly when I saw Luke stood there, a smile forming over his lips before it fell again.
‘’Hey you ready to go’’ Turning at the sound of Adam’s voice, I smiled softly and nodded.
‘’Adam, hey I thought you were still deployed’’ Luke spat out as I rolled my eyes slightly and watched as Adam turned to look at him.
‘’Actually I haven’t been deployed in almost seven months now’’ Adam told him as he nodded slightly.
‘’The time off must be amazing, when do you go back?’’ Luke asked and I could see Adam’s jaw tighten slightly as he let a small breath out.
‘’I don’t, im not in the army any more, got a medical retirement’’ He said quietly as Luke stared at him.
‘’You look fine’’
‘’Luke’’ I spat out as he shrugged.
‘’Just saying Tommy’’ He muttered.
‘’I got shot twice, nearly lost my life, one of the bullets clipped my heart and made me unfit for service, not every medical retirement has to be a loss of a limb.’’ Adam told him strongly which had a few people turning before he was walking away and I swallowed slightly.
‘’You should learn to have more respect Luke, Adam is only twenty four and he has to worry for the rest of his life whether or not he’s going to have heart problems, he’s back home here while his friends are out fighting for our country, something he cant do anymore, you could’ve been a little more sensitive’’ I told him before I turned and quickly headed towards the way Adam had walked.
Walking beside Adam in silence, I could almost feel the pain running through his body as I let my eyes drop from in front of us to the water at our feet, I knew that Adam hadn’t wanted to leave the army, that the army had been his life since he was seventeen and to have it suddenly ripped away from him at an early age was hard.
‘’Im sorry’’ Adam whispered as I lifted my eyes to see him glancing towards me before his own was moving out over the water. ‘’I shouldn’t of acted like I did’’
‘’you had every right too’’ I told him as he nodded slightly, ‘’Luke knows better, I think it shocked him more to find you with me’’ I admitted as a small smile tiled the corner of his lips.
‘’What did you say to him anyway, I saw you stood there talking to him’’
‘’Oh that…it was nothing’’ I told him as I dropped my eyes again, the feeling of my cheeks warming had me shifting my shoes in my arms slightly as Adam let a soft laugh out and knocked his elbow against my arm which had me smiling at him softly.

‘’I wanted to say thank you’’ Adam whispered softly after we had been walking in silence for a while longer, the warmth of the day had started to slowly cool down as it got later, the beach slowly loosing the number of people as I looked over at Adam as we paused and sat down in the sand near the waves, ‘’for inviting me today and for what ever you told Luke earlier’’
‘’It’s fine’’ I smiled out as I placed my shoes down beside me and leaned forward against my knees, ‘’I wanted to invite you’’ I whispered as I glanced back at him to find Adam staring at me already, a smile on his face which had me blushing slightly as I turned back to look out over the ocean.
Feeling Adam’s hand rest against my lower back as he shifted in the sand and laid back, I swallowed softly and bit at my lower lip as I hid my smile against my folded arms on top of my knees, my eyes watching the sun’s rays dance over the water as Adam’s thumb lightly stroked over clothed skin before I felt it slip under to touch against my back, the warmth making me smile again as I glanced back to see Adam’s eyes closed and a arm under his head as I turned back again.
Listening to the sounds of the waves breaking on the shore line a few feet in front of us, I let a deep breath out before I was shifting slightly, Adam’s hand moving away from my back before I was lying back beside him and stared up at the sky which was starting to slowly grow dark.
‘’I come out here sometimes at night’’ Adam whispered softly, ‘’just lay out like this watching the stars and think about stuff, it’s quite relaxing’’ Turning my head softly to look at him, I smiled softly.
‘’Your first tour, I spent near enough every night out here on the coast’’ I admitted to him honestly as his head turned towards me, his blue eyes bright in the fading light as he smiled softly. ‘’come on, we should head back before it gets too dark’’ I grinned as I pushed away and stood again, my hands moving over my back and shorts to brush the sand away before I was turning and grabbing my shoes.

Taking a slow walk back along the beach, I couldn’t help but glance over at Adam every so often, since we had first met all those years ago, he had grown more; his features more pointedly and filled. Letting a breath out, I turned and looked back over the ocean again and at the last of the setting sun.
‘’Do you…do you want to come back mine’’ I asked quietly as I looked back at Adam, ‘’I mean, maybe we could finish watching that film off’’
‘’I have a confession’’ Adam chuckled as he glanced over, a soft blush on his cheeks, ‘’I might of fallen asleep not that long after you’’ Laughing softly, I nodded before I bit at my lower lip slightly and looked down as we started to head up the beach and towards the side walk. ‘’but I would love to come around’’ Adam told me as I looked up and smiled at him.
‘’Great’’ I smile back.
‘’If you want, I can meet you back at yours, I just want to head home and maybe get a change of clothes if anything was to go by’’ Adam told me.
‘’I could always come to yours and drive you back, I mean its no problem for me’’
‘’I would like that’’ Adam smiled as we reached the car park, nodding softly, I paused and glanced towards my car, ‘’I umm, I’ll text you my address, I left my phone in the car’’ Adam told me as I nodded,  I wanted to tell him that I still had the slip of paper with his address on but it felt more like an acceptance t be there.
‘’Sure, I’ll see you in a bit’’
‘’See you soon’’ Adam smiled.

Watching him walk away, I let a breath out which I didn’t realize I had been holding before I was turning myself and heading back to my own car, unlocked and sliding in to the drivers seat jut as my phone went off. Pulling it out and seeing that it was the address from Adam, I smiled softly to myself before I leaned over to the glove box and opened it and looked through for the piece of paper I had with the address already on before I was putting it on the board in front of me and putting my phone back in my pocket.
Before I knew it, I was pulling up outside Adam’s apartment just behind him as he locked the car up and walked towards mine as I opened the window and he leaned against the top of the car slightly.
‘’Do you…do you want to come in for a bit, saves you waiting out here’’ He asked as I looked up at him.
‘’Sure’’ Watching as he stepped away, I climbed out the car and locked it up before he turned towards the building, following him up and inside, I paused with im outside as he unlocked the apartment door before pushing it open.
‘’It isn’t much really, I never did fill it, didn’t see the point’’ Adam told me as we stepped inside, glancing around the room, I couldn’t help but smile softly.
‘’Its homey, that’s the main thing’’ I told him quietly. Returning Adam’s smile as he moved of towards another room, I stepped further in to his lounge and looked around softly my eyes taking in the books on the shelf before the large windows as I walked over and looked at some of the photographs he had on the wall with a smile before I was heading out towards where I could hear Adam moving around.
‘’Oh hey, I’ll be right out in a moment’’ Adam called out from where he glanced over his shoulder and towards me.
‘’Its fine, do you need any help?’’ I asked him softly as Adam turned and folded a pair of pants up.
‘’Um, yeah could you grab that grey top for me’’ Adam asked as he nodded towards his closet. Heading over, I glanced around the room briefly before I stepped in to the closet to grab the top he mentioned, taking it off the hanger; I folded it over my arm and went to turn before pausing as my eyes caught sight on Adam’s army uniform.  Reaching out, I lightly touched my fingertips against the collar before slowly tracing it down with a soft breathe, jumping as I felt a hand on my shoulder, I tuned to see Adam stood there.
‘’Sorry’’ I whispered out as I handed his top over, his blue eyes dropping down it, ‘’im going to go wait out in the car’’ I told him quietly as Adam stepped back and nodded.

Sitting back in the car, I let my fingertips tap against the steering wheel before I glanced over to see Adam leaving the building, feeling my breath leave, I stared at Adam, and he looked amazing in what he had on. The blue jeans he had on looked faded in patches before I took in the green cardigan he had on, it almost looked so inviting that I just wanted to hug in to him, seeing him glance up, I returned his smile as he opened the back door and put his bag in before climbing in to the passengers seat.
‘’All done’’ I asked as he nodded.
‘’Yeah, ready to rock ‘n’ roll’’ Adam grinned out as I laughed and started the car up.

.o0o.

‘’Go right in, im going to lock up here and grab a quick shower’’ I told Adam as I handed my house keys over to him as he grabbed his bag from the back.
‘’You sure’’ Adam asked as I nodded.
‘’Yeah, pick a movie out too if you want, they are all in the lounge’’
‘’Alright, but you know my taste in movies and depending on what you got, it could be bad’’ Adam teased as he moved towards the door and I laughed, shaking my head, I locked the car up and walked around testing the doors before I headed back towards the house and inside.
Hearing Adam moving around in the kitchen, I turned and headed up the stairs and towards the bedroom, dropping my phone and wallet on the bed before I started to pull my jacket off and dropped it on my bed as I kicked my shoes off, stripping down to my boxers, I headed back out and along to the bathroom, sipping inside and turning the shower on, I waited for the water to warm up as I headed towards the sink, staring in to the mirror, I watched my reflection as I grinned to myself again, the sounds of Adam coming up from downstairs, shaking my head as I turned away, I couldn’t help but think about everything we had been doing together, but at the same time I couldn’t help but wonder what Adam had done in the times he had come home or had breaks from in the army.
Undressed and under the water, I ran my fingers through my hair to get it wet before running my hands down my neck as I let a loud sigh out, I knew that I was still in love with him and the thought that Adam may have been with someone else over the years seemed to hurt slightly even know I had no right too think or even feel like that, that I had ended things with Adam three years before, I just wanted to go back and stop myself from writing that letter and sending it to him, I regretted ever meeting Harvey.

Washing quickly as I tried to push the thoughts away, I finished up and climbed out the shower wrapping my towel around my waist tightly, I cleaned everything up and started to head out and back to my bedroom. Dressed, I paused as I grabbed a hooded top when I noticed that it was one of Adam’s old ones I had swiped from when I used to stay at Adam’s parents when we had first started dating and during his first tour, smiling to myself, I folded it back and pushed it back in to my drawers.
Heading back downstairs, I locked the front door up automatically before I headed through and in to the lounge to see the lights dim, a movie menu playing on the TV before I looked towards Adam with a soft smile as he stood.
‘’Sorry if I took too long’’ I whispered out as I stepped forward and Adam picked a wine glass up from the coffee table.
‘’Its fine, it took a while to pick a movie’’ He joked as Adam held the glass out towards me, taking it from him softly, I could feel my heart crash against my chest as our fingers brushed and Adam’s lingered a little longer before he moved his hand away.  ‘’I, um I wasn’t sure if you were hungry or not but I ordered some take away just in case’’ Sipping at the wine, I blushed as my stomach growled at the same time and Adam looked at me with a grin as I laughed and rubbed at the back of my neck.
‘’I guess that answers that’’ I teased as he smiled towards me brightly.
‘’Good’’ Adam smiled, nodding, I stepped forward as Adam moved back and sat own again, his cardigan wrapped around his body as I moved and curled up on the couch beside him, letting my toes tuck in under his thigh, I watched as Adam glanced over with a smile which I returned as I leaned back against the arm of the couch and looked towards the TV.
‘’Velvet goldmine’’ I smiled as Adam leaned forward and picked his own drink up and the controller.
‘’I thought maybe it could be like old times’’ Adam admitted with a shy smile as I nodded and looked at him softly, the truth clear in his eyes as I smiled.
‘’I like it’’ I whispered as he nodded and turned back to press play.

.o0o. Adam.o0o.

Feeling Tommy’s toes flex under my thigh again, I knew that he was starting to grow restless from sitting still for so long, taking a sip from my own wine glass, I dropped my hand down on to Tommy’s ankles and let my thumb stroke over his bare foot, his skin warm to the touch. Looking up as Tommy moved his feet away, I watched as he pulled them back as he leaned forward to place his empty glass on the table before he was sitting back again, his body slightly closer as I let my hand rest over his knee as I turned back to the film again.
Feeling his eyes on me, I raised the glass to my lips and slowly sipped at it and brought it down again as the doorbell rang.
‘’That will be the food’’ I told him as I moved forward on the couch and put my glass down.
‘’I can get it if you want’’ Tommy spoke out as I smiled and shook my head.
‘’It’s already paid for’’ I smiled, ‘’paid by card’’
‘’You’ll need to unlock the door, I locked it when I came down’’ Tommy called out as I reached the doorway, glancing back at him, I smiled softly before I was moving and heading through kitchen and hallway where I quickly unlocked the door and pulled it open.
Taking the food and locking back up again, I headed back through to the kitchen and too the plates which I had found earlier and placed on the counter before grabbing some knifes and forks as I headed back in to the lounge and to Tommy to see him sat up fully again.
‘’God that smells so good’’ Tommy groaned as I laughed softly and walked over, handing him the bag, I moved around the table and placed everything else down.
‘’Tuck in, if I remember rightly, it’s all your favorites’’ I told him as he paused in opening the bags to look at me with a shy smile.

.o0o.

Watching as Brian and Curt kissed on the screen; I glanced over at Tommy to see him looking down at his hands which had found their way to the edge of my cardigan, his fingers moving over it before I smiled softly and lifted my arm up slightly as his eyes moved up to look at me. watching as he moved slowly, I settled my arm back around his waist again, the weight of his body warm against my side as he cuddled in close and let a soft breath out.
All through dinner, we had watched the film and talked a little, just filling each other in on little bits of our lives which we had gone through in the past few years, to finally have him in my arms again while we were awake felt amazing, just like it had from each time I had touched him, I had expected him to move away from the touch or ask me to stop. Stroking my finger over his arm softly, I let my cheek rest against the top of his head as I closed my eyes and breathed out softly, everything felt amazing and I felt like we were almost back to normal again.

By the end of the movie, I couldn’t help but grin slightly at the way Tommy had his legs thrown over my own, my hand resting on his knee softly while my other wrapped around his lower back, his own arm across my stomach where it had slowly slipped under my cardigan over time, his fingers lightly moving over my clothed side as the credits slowly filled the screen.
Part of me wanted to be selfish and keep Tommy sat here like this with me, to not let him go in fear of not being able to get this close and relaxed with him again but I knew that I had to take small steps as I ran my hand up his back slowly.
‘’How about you put another movie on if you feel up to it while I take the dishes out’’ I told him quietly as his head came up, brown eyes meeting mine in the semi dark, the slow nod just being caught as we stared at each other, swallowing slightly, I slowly dropped my eyes as I squeezed his knee gently and started to move as Tommy done the same thing.
Picking the empty plates up, I took them in to the kitchen and got rid of the rubbish as I breathed out deeply, I knew that I had wanted to kiss Tommy then, and part of me wished that the look in his eye had been the same thought running through his mind as it had mine.
Everything cleared away and set in to the dishwasher, I headed back in to the lounge again to see Tommy knelt on the floor beside the table, pouring another drink in to our glasses before the bottle was being placed back as he slowly stood again, his movements soft and graceful as I watched him from the doorway, I was proud of Tommy for how far he had come from the moment we had first met to now, he had followed his dream with his music and created something for himself to live off, but most of all, I was proud of how he had come through all the bad things in his life, for the friends he had made like Sutan. Smiling to myself, I headed in, my footsteps causing Tommy to turn with a soft smile which I returned as I moved until I was stood in front of him.
‘’Can I hug you?’’ I asked quietly as his eyes met mine with confusion before he nodded slightly.
‘’Sure’’ He whispered back.

Reaching out softly, I let my fingers curl around his palm softly as I drew him closer, my eyes staring on his as I brought my other hand up on to his waist lightly as I swallowed, my eyes watching the dark stain of a blush form on his cheeks as I let my other hand travel up his arm as I pulled him closer until his chest rested against mine and I had my arms around him tightly, his own slipping around my own body as I breathed out and held him.
I was moved by everything Tommy had achieved and I was thankful to be able to say that I was part of his life back then and even now again after not being in touch for such a long time, I had been afraid that day I had left the hospital and went to the beach to find him that he wouldn’t want to talk to me or even acknowledge that I was there again after he had spent so long sitting by my bedside. In a way, Tommy was everything that I needed and all I had ever wanted since I had met him, he made me smile and laugh and it still amazed me how he had made me fall in love with him in only two weeks of knowing each other.
‘’Adam’’ Hearing Tommy’s voice, I swallowed slightly and slowly let him go enough so he could pull back to look up at me, ‘’are you okay’’ He asked as I smiled softly and nodded.
‘’Im fine’’ I told him truthfully, ‘’I just wanted to hug you again’’ I whispered before the sound of a movie starting had us both turning to look towards the TV as I laughed weakly, ‘’looks like it wants to be watched’’ I tried to joke out as I glanced back at Tommy to see him looking at me differently as he nodded.
Settling back down again, I smiled softly as Tommy moved his legs back over my lap again and settled back against my side as I let my hand slide up his leg before resting softly against his thigh as I let my other moved back around his lower back, fingers sliding over cloth as the new movie started before I slowly let my fingertips slide under his top until I had my palm resting against warm skin.

.o0o.

Two hours later as the credits rolled again, I found myself yawning before I glanced down to see Tommy half asleep against my, his body closer to mine and mine half turned in to his as I softly shook him.
‘’Come on, lets get you in to bed, I’m not having you sleeping on your couch twice in a row’’ I told him softly as he grumbled lightly and I let a soft laugh out.
‘’I’ll be fine’’ Tommy whispered out around a yawn as I shook my head and lightly moved until I had him standing and I was pushing myself up.
‘’No you wont, you will complain that your neck and shoulders are aching even more than they were this morning, so move it baby, you have a decently good bed upstairs with your name written all over it’’ I told him as he groaned slightly, his arms moving up above his head as he stretched.
‘’What about you’’ Tommy asked as I picked up the empty wine glasses and the wine bottle which still had a little left.
‘’I’ll find your guest room after I’ve cleaned up down here’’ I told him as he blinked tired eyes open to stare at me.
‘’No, leave all that’’ He told me as he pointed back to the table, ‘’don’t care if the wine goes warm, its Sutan’s anyway’’ He grinned sleepily as I chuckled softly. ‘’and you can come and share my bed with me’’ He whispered as I put everything down again and turned to look at him.
‘’Tommy’’ I started before he shook his head.
‘’No, don’t tell me no… Adam, please’’ He whispered out as he took a step forward and reached out, his long fingers curling around mine warmly. ‘’I’m tired’’ Tommy told me, ‘’I don’t want to sleep alone any more, I’m tired of laying awake at night wishing that I could turn back the time’’
‘’Tommy’’ I whispered as I turned to face him fully and pull him closer as his eyes closed.
‘’I’m so sorry’’ Tommy whispered as he opened his eyes again and I could see the faint wetness in them from the light coming from the TV. ‘’I’m sorry for ever hurting you’’ He told me as I swallowed thickly and pulled him back in to my arms again, my own eyes filling with tears as he hugged his arms around me tightly. ‘’I don’t want to loose you again’’

Chapter Text

Waking slowly, I let a heavy breath out as I  brought my hand up and softly ran it over my face, from the windows, soft streams of light were starting to filter through and in to the room, casting a soft glow as the sun started to grow higher.
Rolling over on to my side I let myself just watch Tommy‘s form as he slept peacefully beside me, last night’s antics a far away memory from his peaceful face as I reached out and let my fingertips lightly trace over the smooth skin of his shoulder, I was glad that he was finally sleeping after he broke down and admitted to me with how much he had actually missed me and how he regretted everything he had ever done between us since the last letter he had sent me.
Tracing my fingertips down on to his arm, I let them move over the soft lines of his tattoo’s, I smiled softly and let my eyes slowly trail down over them as I followed each curved path of ink, he had gotten more since the first time we had ever met, more of his ivory skin covered in ink, soft skin covered with the faces of horror movies he loved so much and small fillers in between of his choice. Sighing softly as I turned my eyes back to his face, I knew deep down that I loved Tommy still, that I had never stopped loving him and I knew deep down inside that he was scared to be alone and was why he did what he did, I didn’t hate him for it, I couldn’t hate him for anything, if anything, I was happy that he had someone by his side for a little while and I was glad that Tommy had really good friends like Sutan who was there when he really needed someone by his side through the dark times but most of all, I was glad that Tommy was no longer on any medication for depression.

Feeling Tommy stir lightly under my touch, I pulled my hand back quickly as he turned over on to his side and faced away from me, watching him settle again, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that we were no longer curled up together like we had been the night before when Tommy fell asleep against my side, my arms tight around his body and his face buried against my chest as he appoglised for every little thing.

Reaching out with another light touch, I let my fingertips brush over the curve over Tommy’s shoulder before I traced the gentle line of his spine, each bump of his vertebrae clear under his skin until I reached the dip in his lower back and sighed softly, a small smile coming back to my lips as I thought about the many times we had layed in bed together and I just traced my fingertips over his skin, drawing patterns while he slept or watched me with a smile of his own on his face or a soft laugh as I came across a ticklish spot.
Letting my palm rest flat against his back, I slowly leaned forward and pressed a light kiss to the top of his spine, my lips staying against his skin for a few moments, just tasting…remembering before I was moving away again to lay out on my own back again, my eyes staring towards the ceiling as I let myself drift off in to different memories of what could’ve and couldn’t off been in my life. I couldn’t help but wonder if me and Tommy would’ve off ever met if I had never been on that part of the beach that day to help Mia or if I wasn’t even the army and had a normal job like working in a store front or something different like that.
Letting a soft sigh out, I let my eyes trace over his ceiling as the room slowly started to become brighter again as the sun rose higher, with a quick glanced towards his alarm clock, I could see that it was only a little past seven meaning that it had only been a few hours since we had both fallen asleep around three am, sighing to myself, I turned over on to my side slowly and stared at Tommy’s back.
Reaching out again, I lightly let my fingertips touch against the small cluster of moles near the top of his spine before I trailed them down over each mark softly, mapping each birth mark out and relearning them again before I was tucking my hand under my cheek as I closed my eyes and breathed out softly, listening to Tommy’s own light breathing, I soon felt myself feeling drowsy again before sleep finally took me under once more, the steady knowledge that I still had Tommy in my life tucked safely in my mind.

.o0o.

Feeing the warmth of the sun light on my back from the blinds which was partially open still, I let a soft groan out as I stretched out fully, my bed covers sliding down my body a little more before the memories of the night before came to mine and I  lightly bit my lip as I thought about the other times I had falling asleep with Adam and woken up to find him gone, taking a deep breathing, I let it out slowly again before I was turning over slowly, noticing that Adam was still laid out beside me and sleeping still, I smiled softly as I turned over fully to face him.
I knew that half of me was wondering if he would still be there when I woke up and I was glad he was after how I had acted, I knew that it wasn’t the best of ways to be after everything and I didn’t even expect to fall apart like I did nor did I expect everything to come out like it had but I knew that I was glad that it did, that Adam knew how I felt about everything.
Reaching across in a slow manner, I lightly let my fingers brush over his warm skin from where the sun had kissed against it as the room became brighter around us, letting a soft sigh out, I slowly brought my fingers down and let them ghost lightly over the scars on his shoulder at first before I let myself touch against them a little harder to really feel the slightly raised skin.
Swallowing deeply at the thought of nearly loosing him over there, I could feel my eyes start to water slightly before I blinked them away and let my palm rest against the scars, feeling Adam breath out heavily, I quickly pulled my hand back and closed my fist against the edge of the pillow, my thumb brushing under my eyes slightly as I watched Adam turn his head a little, his eyes clouded with sleep before a tired smile was pulling the corners of his lips up slowly.
Returning his smile warmly, I watched as Adam turned away again with a small yawn which he quickly covered  with his hand before it was dropping down to rub at his shoulder as a pained look broke out over his face.
‘’Are you okay’’ I asked quietly and before I could stop myself, watching as Adam’s turned his head back to look at me, I could see the torment writing all over his face, almost like he was fighting with himself to tell me the truth or not before he was finally letting a small sigh out as he turned to look back up at the ceiling.
‘’I’m okay really…well a little, just a bit of pain’’ Adam told me as I frowned again, ‘’when I wake up sometimes, the scar tissue feels tight but I will be fine once I’ve rubbed my oil in and loosen it up again, the doctors said that it might be something I will have trouble with’’
‘’How long do they think it would be like it?’’ I asked quietly as Adam pushed the covers down a little and turned to look at me again.
‘’Don’t know really, could be from anything from a few weeks, months and up to years, it depends really on how I sleep and how the scar tissue gets over time.’’ Adam told me as I nodded.

Watching as Adam slowly pushed himself up and swung his legs around, I couldn’t help but take notice of the way his muscles shifted under his skin, the way they were filled out more and his skin sun kissed from the years in other countries fighting and living under hotter suns than California, following him with my eyes as he moved across the room and towards his bag and searched through it before he was pulling something out before he was turning and made his way back to my bed where he climbed back on, a knee folded beneath him as I finally noticed the small tube he had in his hand, watching as he had trouble with opening it, I knew that his shoulder was hurting him more than he was actually telling before I was lightly reaching out to brush my fingertips over his covered leg as I bit my lip slightly.
‘’Can I do it?’’ I asked quietly as Adam’s eyes turned to me, his cheeks warming slightly as I pushed myself up until I was sitting. ‘’unless you don’t want me too’’ I flushed out as Adam nodded and slowly moved the tube towards me, inside I felt slightly embarrassed for  asking him, but I also knew that it was something I wanted to do, I wanted to be able to touch him and really believe that he was still there with me. Taking the tube from him, I pushed the covers away from my legs and slowly moved until I was knelt beside him, taking the cap off the tube slowly, I bit at the inside of my lip as I put the cap down on Adam’s thigh, my fingertips brushing over his covered thigh before I was pulling it away again and pushing the tube in to my other hand.
‘’How do I do it…do I just squeeze it on my hand or…?’’ I asked softly as I looked up at him and down again.
‘’Just squeeze some above the scars, I would cup your hand under, it can run sometimes depending on how warm it’s been stored’’ Adam told me as I glanced up and nodded softly before looking down again as I moved a little closer, my hand just under the scars as I squeezed the oily looking stuff on to his skin, the coldness shocking me a little as it dripped down and against my hand.

Rubbing it in slowly, I let my eyes stay on his shoulder as I lightly rubbed the oil over the scars, the skin tight under my fingers and palm as I massaged it slowly. I could feel the oil slowly warm under my touch as I slipped my hand up and over his shoulder to rub it across the slightly smaller scars on the back of his shoulder just as softly before I was moving my hand back to the front again, my other hand resting against his arm lightly, finishing up, I pulled my hand away and picked the cap back up and done it back up again as I glanced up to meet Adam’s eyes.
‘’Was that okay?’’ I asked him quietly.
‘’It felt fine’’ He told me just as quietly as he smiled at me lovingly.
Blushing softly, I dropped my eyes back down again as I climbed off my bed quickly and headed in to the bathroom  just of my bedroom where I knocked the water tap on and pushed my hands under the cold water to wash the oil off, I knew what I had just done was a big deal for Adam, that he was the type of person to do things himself and be too stubborn to ask for any help even if it would make things easier for him, but it also warmed me that he trusted me enough with something large like that.

Turning the tap off and drying my hands off, I let a deep breath out and glanced at my reflection quickly to see that my cheeks were still a little red before I turned away and headed back in to the bedroom to see that my bed had been made and Adam was fully dressed and sat on the edge of the bed, tying his shoes before he glanced up towards me.
‘’Do you want some breakfast?’’ I asked him as I crossed the room and tugged a hoody on to go with my sweat pants before I turned back to see Adam pulling his jacket on.
‘’I can’t, I need to go, I got a few things which I need to do before lunch ’’ He told me as I bit my lip slightly and nodded.
‘’That’s alright’’ I told him with a small smile which felt more faked as he moved and straightened the bed clothes out again, the corners tucked in and cloth smooth before he was turning and picking his bag up. Following him downstairs and in to the hallway, I slipped past Adam carefully before I was reaching up and slowly unlocked the door for him before I was pulling it open, taking a small step back, I let my body lean against the edge of the door frame as Adam walked past me and before he was pausing in the doorway to turn and look back at me.
‘’Thank you’’ Adam whispered as I looked up at him, his eyes soft as I smiled softly and rested my temple against the door, ‘’I have trouble sometimes with things I shouldn’t, things which should be easy to do like unscrewing a lid, and I get quite embarrassed by people asking if I want them to do it for me but when you asked if you could do it, I didn’t feel embarrassed ‘’ Adam told me as I felt my cheeks warm up, biting my lip slightly, I looked up at him shyly as I nodded.
‘’Can I tell you the truth?’’ I whispered out to him as he smiled and nodded.
‘’Sure’’
‘’I felt embarrassed asking if I could do it’’ I admitted quietly as I felt my cheeks burn a little brighter, glancing back up as I heard Adam’s soft laugh, I smiled at him softly as he reached out, his fingers brushing over my elbow before his fingers curled around the bend before he lightly tugged me away from the door and pulled me in to a one arm hugged before I felt his lips press against my temple.
‘’Thank you Tommy, it means a lot to me’’ Adam whispered as I nodded softly, my arm tight around Adam’s waist before he pulled away slowly, his hand drifting against my lower back softly.
‘’Do you need a ride anywhere?’’ I asked softly as Adam let me go and took a step away from me.
‘’No it’s fine really baby, it’s not that far in which I have to go to actually, so I will be okay with walking’’ Adam told me as I looked over his face softly and nodded.
‘’Alright then, just call if you get tired of walking and I’ll come pick you up’’ I told him softly as he let a soft laugh out and nodded.
‘’I’ll keep that in mind then’’ Adam told me.
‘’You should’’ I teased back as a bright smile filled out over his face again, something I had always loved seeing on his face.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then?’’ He asked as I smiled softly and nodded.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then’’ I told him back as he returned my smile

Watching Adam walk away and head back down the drive, I bit my lip lightly and let myself smile as I turned my head to lean back against the door again as I looked down towards the drive before back up again to see Adam looking back, a smile on his face as he waved slightly, returning it, I watched as he moved out of view and let a loud sigh out as I moved away from the door and closed it again.
Heading back through the house and up the stairs, Adam’s words slowly sunk in to my mind as a smile pulled up over my face and I laughed softly to myself when I realized that he had called me baby again, walking in to the bathroom, I couldn’t help but shake my head a little as I felt the warmth inside my heart spread out and reach my stomach where it felt like I had butterflies trapped, their wings brushing and making me grin as I turned the shower on and stepped back out of the spray’s way. Undressing slowly, I tucked my clothes up in to a neat pile and settled them on the counter to wash later as I turned and climbed in to the shower to feel that the water had warmed up to just how I liked it.
Showing slowly, I let my hands travel over my body before I was biting my lip hard as on travelled further down and I slowly wrapped my fingers around my length and squeezed it slightly as a batted breath escaped my lips and I moved my other arm up to rest against the cool tiles as I closed my eyes and let my mind take me back to times which me and Adam had together.

Half an hour later and another wash, I stepped back in to my bedroom with my towel tucked around my waist tightly and a blush on my cheeks as I thought about what I had just done, I knew that my relationship with Adam was starting to get better again but I still didn’t know how it was going to end, I didn’t know if he wanted to go back to those places together or if he just wanted to stay friends with me and I didn’t blame him if that was what he wanted, just as long as he was in my life for good again, I didn’t care.
Drying off fully and dressing, I walked around my bed to grab my phone when I noticed the tube of oil rub on my bedside unit, pausing as I stared at it, I wondered if Adam knew that he had left it here or if he had thought that he had re-packed it in to his bag again after he got dressed, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I hoped a tiny little bit that Adam had left it behind for an excuse to come back here.

.o0o.

Tossing and turning, I let a loud groan out as I turned back over and stared up at the dark space of my ceiling, it had been nearly two hours since I had come to bed, the whole day had been filled with mayhem after heading back in to the studio to sign a few papers before heading over to Isaac’s and Sophie’s to see them and Roseanna. Pushing myself up and climbing out of bed again, I rubbed at my eyes as I leaned over and turned my bedside lamp as I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair to move it away from my eyes, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep any time soon, getting up, I silently moved around the room and got dressed again before I was grabbing my phone and headed downstairs to grab my car keys before I was heading out the house.
Driving along the near enough empty roads, I took ever turn carefully before I was pulling up in to an empty carpark and turning the engine off, I pushed my car door open and spun around in the seat before I was pulling my shoes off along with my socks and tucking them under my seat, standing and locking the car up, I pushed my keys in to my pocket as I headed towards the beach.

Walking in silence for a few minutes, I couldn’t help but smile softly at the sound of the waves which had always seemed to be a comfort to me, pausing, I let my eyes scan over the dark water with a soft sigh before I was turning again and walking. Looking up from the sand, I soon noticed someone else sat in the sand a little closer down the beach before I got closer and quickly realized that it was Adam, biting my lip slightly, I headed towards him before I was sitting down beside him and resting my head against his good shoulder as my eyes moved back to the water.
Letting my eyes close, I listened to the sound of the waves breaking on the sand ahead of us before the slightly movement of Adam had me opening them again as his arm moved around and wrapped around my waist, smiling softly, I let myself move a little closer to him before he was moving again and pulling me across to sit between his legs, my back pressing softly against his chest as he folded his arms around my waist again, relaxing back in to his warmth, I folded my arms over his as my eyes fell back to the ocean again which had started everything for us.

Resting back against Adam’s chest, I let my fingertips slowly stroke over his hands before they were pushing up under the sleeves a little as a shiver ran through my body slightly but still had enough for Adam to shift and I knew that he was looking down at me.
‘’Are you cold?’’ Adam asked quietly as I glanced up with a shrug.
‘’Only a little, I’ll be fine’’ I told him as he frowned before he was pushing me forward and pulling the hoody he had on off before he was handing it to me. ‘’Adam’’ I whispered softly as he shook his head.
‘’I don’t want you getting cold’’ He told me just as quietly as I looked down at the piece of clothing and back to him as I nodded softly and took it from him, a soft smile moving over his face as I carefully pulled it on in the small space. Feeling fingers brushing my hair back, I lifted my eyes slowly to look at Adam as his fingertips grazed over my cheek warmly before he was tucking a strand of hair back behind my ear again as his thumb softly smoothed over my skin, swallowing slightly I let my hand come up to rest over his gently as a small smile turned the corners of his lips up again.

Part of me hoped that Adam would kiss me again as we looked at each other but I knew that it wouldn’t happen as his hand slowly slipped down on to the side of my neck and he pulled me closer again as he rested his head on my shoulder, eyes closed before they were opening again at the sound of a phone ringing which sounded loud in the darkness around us. Sitting forward as Adam pulled away and leaned backwards to pull it out his pocket, I let my eyes turn back towards the ocean before the feeling of Adam’s hand on my waist had me glancing back again as he answered the phone call.
‘’Neil slow down, I don’t understand what you’re saying’’ Adam said in to the phone as his thumb slowly slipped under his hoody and my top to run along skin before I was watching his face fall. ‘’yeah…yeah okay, I’ll be there soon’’ Adam whispered out before he was hanging up.
‘’Adam’’ I whispered softly as I turned more so that I was kneeling between his thigh’s as he slowly looked up.
‘’My mom…’’ He trailed off as the pain and panic spread over his face clearly, ‘’there’s been an accident…she’s, she’s in the hospital’’ He stuttered out as tears filled his darkened eyes and he shook, ‘’I have to get to her’’ Standing, I held my hands out to him as I breathed out softly.
‘’I’ll drive you, I’m not letting you get behind a wheel like this’’ I told him as he slowly looked up at me and then my hands as he nodded and took them, pulling him to his feet, he quickly leaned down and picked his shoes up before we were heading back up the beach a little quicker and towards the car.

On the road a few minutes later, I glanced across at Adam before back to the road again as I swallowed, I wanted to say something to him but at the same time I didn’t know what to say, I was scared that I would upset him more if I said something like she was going to be okay and it turns out that there’s something wrong as he had never told me how bad it was and I wasn’t sure if he knew himself.
Taking each road which lead closer, I swallowed deeply to myself and shifted a little in my seat before I was glancing around the road again, part of me glad that there was hardly any traffic for us to be quicker as I finally turned on to another road and parked just outside of the hospital carpark so I didn’t have to pay parking. Getting out together, I locked the car up quickly before I was heading around and jogged slightly to catch up with Adam who was already half way across the parking lot, moving through the main doors, I glanced around and swallowed thickly at the smell of cleaning chemicals before Adam was asking at the front desk for the floor we needed.
Staying silent as I followed him up, I bit at the side of my lip as we stepped out of the elevator and turned a corner to see Neil and Eber stood there with Sutan and Mia which was a surprise before I noticed the slight scratches on Mia’s arm and face a little.
‘’Adam’’ Hearing Eber’s voice, I let myself be brought back as we got closer.
‘’What happened dad…god tell me mom is going to be okay’’ Adam begged as he half fell in to his fathers arms.
‘’I was driving’’ Mia said in a near whisper as Adam looked over towards her at the same time as me to see her arms folded around her and tears in her eyes, ‘’we…we were going to go see a movie, it…the car came out of no where’’ She whispered as Adam moved and pulled her in to a gentle hug, his eyes closed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. ‘’I’m so sorry’’ She half sobbed in to his chest.
‘’It’s okay, it wasn’t your fault’’ Adam told her as I felt a touch against my elbow, turning to look at Sutan, I stepped away softly with him.
‘’Is she okay?’’ I asked quietly as he nodded a little.
‘’In surgery, Leila had a little tare inside somewhere and she was bleeding so they are trying to find that and fix it, but the doctors said that she will be fine, that she was lucky to get away with the injuries she’s gotten’’ Sutan told me before I glanced back over to see Adam was staring towards us and I knew that he had heard what Sutan had said.

Looking out the window of the waiting room, I worried at my lower lip as I crossed my arms over my chest tightly and took in all the city lights and hoped that Leila would be okay and that we would get more information soon about her, I hated the waiting and I wondered if this was how Sutan and Isaac had felt when I was brought in, turning slightly, I looked towards Adam to see him pacing a little before Sutan was pulling him down in to a chair beside him, his hand on his arm.
‘’Why are you covered in sand?’’ Sutan asked as I glanced towards Adam’s pants to see the sand still from where he hadn’t wiped it away.
‘’Was on the beach when I got the call’’ Adam whispered out to him as he nodded softly. ‘’how long has it been?’’  He asked.
‘’Just over an hour and half’’ Neil told him quietly before the door of the room was opening and a doctor was walking in with scrubs on, his eyes glancing around the room before they were settling on Eber as he stood.
‘’How is she?’’
‘’Leila is fine, the surgery went brilliantly and was moved in to recovery about an hour ago, we didn’t mean to keep you waiting for so long but we have to make sure that patients wake up after going under and that they aren’t in any discomfort.’’ The doctor told him as Eber nodded.
‘’Can we go and see her?’’ Neil asked as he walked towards his father, leaning back against the window a little as the doctor glanced towards everyone, I could feel my heart crashing against my chest slightly as his eyes paused on me, his head tilting slightly before he was moving to look back at Neil again as he nodded with a soft smile.
‘’yes you can, although Leila may not be fully away yet and if she is, she may fade in and out of sleep but that isn’t anything to be worried about if you’re talking to her’’ He told them, ‘’it’s quite normal.’’

Watching as they started to head out the room, I let myself breath out deeply as I leaned my head back against the window and closed my eyes, I knew that I hated hospital’s and that I had been moving in and out of them way too much in the past few years.
‘’Tommy’’ Breaking away from my thoughts, I opened my eyes and looked back to see Neil stood in the doorway as he looked towards me, ‘’are you coming? Mom will be glad to see you  there’’ Neil told me as I swallowed a little and nodded. Pushing away from the window, I let myself cross the room and took the door from him, following him through the hallways and catching up with the others, I stayed silent as we headed in to one of the rooms and I watched as Neil walked around the side of the bed and pulled a chair closer as Eber done the same thing, his hand still in Mia’s as he pulled her on to his lap and Sutan stood with Neil.
Standing at the end of the bed, I let my eyes move over the machines before they rested on the heart monitor and I let myself fall in to the rhythm, my own heartbeat slowing a little to match Leila’s before I was glancing away to look up at Adam to see the worry writing over his face as well as looking scared still before I was looking away and looking at the others, moving my hand slightly, I let the back of my fingers brush against Adam’s before I was turning my hand and sliding it in to his before I squeezed it in reassurance that Leila was going to be okay and that he didn’t have to worry on his own.

‘’We’re going to go wait outside and leave you guys alone for a bit’’ Sutan told everyone as he and Mia stood and stepped towards the door as Neil and Eber nodded, pushing away from the wall where I had moved too, I turned to head out with them when I felt my hand get grabbed and I turned to look at Adam, his eyes pleading with me to stay as I swallowed deeply, the feeling of my heart breaking at the sight but I knew that I had to leave, to let them have time on their own as a family.
‘’I’m not family Adam’’ I whispered to him as I squeezed his hand softly and glanced back at Leila, ‘’no matter how much she says I am, I’m not…I’ll be in the waiting room for you’’ I told him as he breathed out and nodded a little, his hand still in mine before it was slowly sliding away and tucking back up under his other arm.  Heading out of the room, I closed Leila’s door quietly behind me before I was turning and walking back through the halls and in to the waiting room where I found Mia and Sutan, walking over to her, I couldn’t help but pull her in to a hug which she buried her face in to my neck as I held her tightly.
‘’How are you doing’’ I asked quietly.
‘’Okay, just a few scratches, doctors say I was lucky for getting away with so little’’ She told me as I nodded and slowly pulled away, kissing her cheeks, I smiled softly towards her before Mia was moving and sitting back down again.
Sitting in silence for a while, I leaned my head back against the wall as I let my eyes slowly move over each painting on the wall across from me as I let my fingertips tap out against my leg as each tick of a clock somewhere sounded out in the quiet room.
Feeling myself starting to grow restless, I pushed myself up on to my feet and started to walk around the room a little before I was spinning around as the door opened and I watched as both Eber and Adam walked inside, his hand at the small of Adam’s back. Taking in the broken look on Adam’s face still, I quickly found myself walking across the room and the other’s stood and grabbed Adam’s hand to pull him away slightly, reaching up on my toes, I let myself wrap my arms around Adam’s neck tightly as I felt Adam’s own arms move around my waist just as tight, his breath warm and shaky against my neck as I closed my eyes.
‘’It’s going to be okay’’ I whispered in to his ear, ‘’your mom is a fighter just like you are and she’s going to be back to normal before you know it’’ I told him as he nodded a little, his arms growing tighter around my waist as he pulled me tighter against his body, burying my face back in to Adam’s own neck, I let my fingertips brush along the back of it as the others talked quietly.

.o0o.

Glancing down to where Tommy was leaning against my arm, I let my thumb rub over his hand again as I turned back to look towards my dad, the others having left a while back to get some sleep and to rest more, I could see the whole accident taking it out on him as well as myself as Neil and even Tommy, I knew that he was just as worried but was trying not to show it for our sake, shaking my thought away as the door opened I turned and looked over as Neil headed back in looking tired before dad was standing, his keys in his hand.
‘’Come on son, let’s get you home for some sleep’’ He told Neil as he nodded slightly.
‘’I’m going to stay with mom’’ I told them both as they looked over and I could see the worry on dad’s face.
‘’I’m going to stay with him if that’s okay’’ Tommy’s voice spoke out, his own tiredness clear as I glanced over and nodded a little.
‘’Alright then, we will come back in the morning to see how you all are’’ Dad told us as I nodded and stood with Tommy, his hand still in mine as we headed out the room behind them. Letting Tommy’s hand go to say goodnight to them both, I watched as they headed towards the elevator before I was turning and heading back towards mom’s room with Tommy where we stepped back inside quietly to see her still sleeping as we took a chair either side of the bed.

Sitting in silence again for a while, I glanced over the room a little before I was turning back to look at mom again as she stirred slightly, watching as she opened her eyes slowly and them fall on me, I returned her soft smile as I leaned forward and took hold of her hand gently.
‘’I’m okay baby’’ Mom told me as I chuckled softly and ran my thumb over her hand.
‘’I’ll believe that the moment you’re home’’ I told her which had her smiling at me again. Turning as the door opened, I looked towards the doctor as he stepped in and smiled towards us.
‘’Good to see you awake again Mrs. Lambert’’ He smiled as mom chuckled softly.
‘’Please, call me Leila’’ She grinned at him,
‘’Mom, seriously, he’s your doctor, stop flirting’’ I groaned as both mom and the doctor laughed softly. Sitting back as he moved around to check over everything, I watched him quietly before he was leaving again and I was sitting forward again.
‘’Help me to sit up Adam will you’’ Mom asked as I nodded, standing, I helped her to sit forward slightly as I moved her pillows before I was helping her up and back again before I was sitting, my arm resting against the bed as she smiled at me and looked away again. ‘’oh my, that brings back memories’’ Mom whispered warmly as I looked up at her, ‘’I lost count of how many times I came to visit you and would find him curled in a chair and sleeping like that’’ She told me as I turned and looked over at Tommy with a soft smile. I still loved the knowledge that Tommy had been there with me nearly every day while I was in the hospital, even if I didn’t know about it until I read his letter and found out, but it warmed me deeply that he took the time off work when he should’ve been in the studio just to sit beside my bedside.
Feeling mom’s hand on my arm, I turned back around to find her smiling at me as I felt my cheeks warm a little.
‘’How are things between you both?’’ Mom asked quietly as I glanced back to Tommy again and let a small sigh out.
Sitting back again, I let my fingers tangle with hers as I started to tell her everything which had been going on between us, how he seemed to be upset a little at the way I had dismissed my doctors appointment to the different times I had babysat Roseanna. Telling her about the past two nights, I could see the smile and joy in her eyes as she nodded and listened to everything I said.
‘’And then tonight I was sat on the beach, I don’t know why Tommy was there but if I have to guess, then its because he couldn’t sleep, I know he has told me before that he’s often taken a walk along the shore line when he cant sleep and I guess we were both on the same sort of lines, I mean it surprised me a little when he first sat down beside me but neither of us actually said anything’’ I shrugged out as mom smiled and glanced over at him again.
‘’And how did he end up with your jumper?’’ She asked as I looked back over and realized that Tommy was still wearing it, that the sleeves were down and over his hands which were tucked under his crossed arms and the whole thing nearly falling off one shoulder as I smiled and turned back.
‘’He shivered and I made him put it on, told him that I didn’t want him getting cold, it was just after that that Neil phoned me about the accident,  Tommy drove me here and I’m thankful for being with him because I don’t think I would’ve been able to drive myself with how I felt’’ I admitted to her as she nodded softly and squeezed my hand.

‘’I’m glad things are better’’ Mom told me as I nodded.
‘’Me too’’ I whispered with a small sigh as I turned back to watch Tommy sleep again.
‘’You still love him don’t you Adam’’ Mom asked as I swallowed softly.
‘’I never stopped loving him mom’’ I told her as I turned to look at her, her face soft as she looked towards me and nodded, ‘’no matter how much I felt hurt and missed him, I never stopped loving him and Tommy was the last thought I had when I got shot and blacked out, I loved him so much that I told the doctors in Germany at one point when I woke up not to get in contact with Tommy because I didn’t want him knowing I had been shot in case things turned bad and something happened to me, I didn’t want him hurting like that’’ I told her which I knew was a surprised which was clear on her face.
‘’Oh sweetie’’ Mom sighed as her grip tightened around my hand again. ‘’he loves you too you know’’ She told me as I nodded.
‘’I know’’ I whispered. ‘’but I think we are both scared to do anything about it’’ I admitted again, ‘’there was a point tonight when we were sat on the beach, Tommy had just pulled my jumper on and I tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear again because he knocked it away and I just wanted to kiss him, god mom, I just wanted to kiss him and I never’’
‘’Hey, it’s okay baby’’ Mom told me as I looked up at her, ‘’things are going great between you both and I know deep down in my heart that they are just going to get better and better’’ She told me as I nodded softly.
‘’I just don’t want to loose him again’’
‘’you wont…now go get yourself a drink Adam, you look parched.’’ She told me as I laughed softly and rubbed at my eyes slightly.
‘’I’m meant to be the one looking after you mom’’ I told her as she rolled her eyes playfully.
‘’You’re my son, just go do what you’re told’’ She teased as I sighed and stood, leaning over to kiss her cheek, I promised her that I would be quick before I headed out the room and went in search for a vending machine.

.o0o.

Stirring a little, I let my leg dropped down on to the floor as I breathed out and brought one of my hands up to rub at my eyes as I listened to the soft beeping of the machines around, I still couldn’t believe that I had let myself fall asleep when I knew Adam needed me.
‘’Have a nice nap?’’ Jumping slightly, I turned my head to see Leila awake before I was turning around in the chair and moved it closer before I was grabbing her hand.
‘’Forget me, do you know how much you had us all worried’’ I asked as she chuckled softly, ‘’you scared us so much Leila’’ I whispered as she squeezed my hand softly.
‘’But I am fine honey, stop worrying so much’’ She told me with a soft smile. ‘’but how is Mia?’’ She asked as I smiled softly.
‘’She’s fine, just got a few scratches and bruises which will all heal before you know it’’ I told her as she nodded softly and squeezed my hand warmly again.
‘’That’s good to know’’ She told me as I smiled. ‘’so how are you too, I haven’t seen you for a while Tommy’’ She scolded as I nodded and dropped my eyes a little before looking back up at her again.
‘’I know’’ I whispered, ‘’I haven’t meant to leave it for so long honestly, I’ve just been so busy with the new album and I had some trouble with the managers because they wanted me to change one of the songs and I refused to do it.’’ I told her as she nodded, ‘’ I did mean to come around…’’
‘’But things just kept getting in the way’’ She finished off as I sighed and nodded slowly.
‘’Yeah’’
‘’Stop beating yourself up over it sweetheart, I’m sure you will be around for dinner soon’’ She told me as I looked up with a smile and nodded.
‘’I promise’’ I grinned at her.

Looking over at the door as it opened, I smiled softly when Adam walked in, his eyes moving towards Leila before he was glancing over at me with a soft smile as he walked over and handed a bottled drink over towards me.
‘’Thanks’’ I whispered out to him as he nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed, his knees brushing mine slightly before I looked back to Leila again to see her smiling at us both.
‘’I am putting my trust in you to make sure he keeps his promise of coming around for dinner soon’’ Leila told Adam as he looked at me and back again with a smile and nodded.
‘’Sure, I can do that mom’’ He grinned as I shook my head slightly and let a soft laugh out. 

Chapter Text

Throwing yet again another object across the room, I couldn’t help but sink down in to the couch as I breathed out deeply, my heart crashing against my chest as ran my fingers through my hair, tears gathering in my eyes before I let a shallow breath out and slowly looked up as footsteps came to a pause in the doorway.
‘’What the hell has happened to your house Tommy’’ Dave asked as I stood slowly.
‘’Nothing’’
‘’nothing, dude you looked like you’ve been burgled…you haven’t had you?’’ He asked as I pulled my jacket on.
‘’No…I did it’’ I muttered before nodding towards the doorway, ‘’shall we, I still don’t want to be in the studio today but I need to look for something and might as well finish the paper work off’’ I grumbled quietly, out the corner of my eyes I could see Dave glancing around again before he was following me out of the lounge and in to the kitchen which was just as messy as I grabbed my guitar and headed towards the front door.

.o0o.

‘’Adam, dude hey…what are you doing here?’’ Looking up at Isaac’s voice, I smiled softly as I pushed my phone in to my pocket.
‘’Actually…I was looking for Tommy, Sutan told me that he was here’’ I told them as Isaac glanced towards Dave with a worried look.
‘’Maybe today wouldn’t be a good idea to see him’’ Dave told me as I frowned.
‘’But why, he seemed fine on the phone last night when we talked’’ I informed him as they sighed quietly and nodded towards the large window which showed in to the studio.
‘’See for yourself’’
Walking closer until I was stood beside them, I let my eyes run over the studio to see it a mess, papers thrown everywhere and a few boxes pulled out of place before my eyes were settling on Tommy who was sat at the piano, his elbows on the keys and fingers in his bowed head which had me worried quickly.
‘’What’s wrong?’’ I asked quickly as I let my eyes stay on Tommy’s form before I was turning to stare at the other two who shared brief glances again.
‘’Know the dog tags you gave Tommy’’ Isaac told me as I nodded, ‘’well he hasn’t been able to find them since yesterday morning and he’s a little upset because it was the first time he has ever taken them off before’’
‘’You think this place is a mess, you should see his house Adam, he actually turned it upside down in search when I arrived there this morning’’
‘’Could…could you let us have a few minutes alone?’’ I asked quietly, my eyes still watching Tommy before I glanced back to see them nodding.
‘’Sure Adam’’ Isaac smiled as I nodded a silent thanks and watched as they picked their things up and left again.

Walking around and pushing the door open quietly, I let my eyes trail over to Tommy just as his head lifted, brown eyes meeting mine and away again before he was pushing away from the piano and moving towards a pile of papers on the floor. Dropping down beside him, I let my eyes meet his with a soft smile as I started to help him tidy them up before we were both sitting back at the piano again, his long fingers sliding across keys, pressing them down and letting the sound echo around as I swallowed and reached for the small box inside my jacket pocket.
Sliding it across the top of the piano, I could feel Tommy pause and look at me before I was glancing up to see his eyes dropping down to the box again which I moved my hand away from and swallowed slightly.
‘’I didn’t think about what I was doing’’ I admitted quietly to him, ‘’if I had known…I…I wouldn’t of done it’’ I told Tommy as he glanced back up at me.
‘’I don’t understand’’
‘’I didn’t know that it was the first time you took them off’’ I breathed out as his eyes snapped to the box and back again, ‘’I just…I wanted to do something for your birthday and I was going to give them back to you then but then I saw how you are…I’m so sorry Tommy, I didn’t mean to make you worry about them’’

Staring at the box again, I could feel the tears in my eyes from feeling so stupid worrying over them before I was reaching out, my fingers curling around the box, dragging it closer to me, I carefully pushed the lid up again to see Adam’s tags laying there as I brushed my thumb across the shiny metal, his name and army number bright and clear as I pulled them out, the letters and number having been cleaned and carefully carved again. Brushing my hands over my eyes to clear them, I glanced up at Adam as he smiled softly and nodded down towards the god tags again.
‘’Turn them over’’ He whispered softly as I glanced back down and done as he said, letting a gasp out as I saw the added words, I ran my thumb across them with a small laugh.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then’’ I whispered out and rubbed at my eyes again to clear the tears. Shaking my head with a grin, I pulled the chain out the box fully before placing it back on the piano top again before moving them back up over my head. ‘’Thank you’’ I whispered out to Adam as I ran my hand over them again, my fingers folding around the edges of the tags and the ring as I turned back to look up at him.
‘’You don’t need to thank me babe, I wanted to do something nice for your birthday, but I didn’t think about the consequences my actions would’ve produce’’ Adam told me as I smiled weakly.
‘’Its okay, really Adam’’ I told him honestly, ‘’the main thing is that I have them back again’’ I muttered before groaning as I thought about the house.
‘’Are you okay?’’ Adam asked as I reached out and closed the lid of the box with a nod.
‘’Yeah, just thinking about the house, major clean up is needed’’ I chuckled before I turned back to look at him properly, under the smile on his face were dark eyes, his hair was flat a little before I let a small frown fall over my lips.
‘’Are you okay?’’ I asked as he let a deep sigh out and turned back to face the piano, his fingers pressing a few keys before he shrugged lightly.
‘’I guess, just been looking for somewhere else to live’’ Adam told me as he ran a hand over his face, ‘’my apartment lease has come up already and the landlord already has another couple ready to move in. he’s just waiting for me to find another place, had giving me an extra three weeks but I still can’t find anything and I have until the end of this week’’ He sighed, his shoulders slumping, ‘’I would’ve found a place months ago but you know…with everything which has gone on I’d just kind of forgotten all about it coming to a end really’’
‘’But…he knows what’s going on doesn’t he?’’ I asked as Adam chuckled lightly and nodded.
‘’Yeah, but he says that he couldn’t let my lease be extended or all his tenets would want it’’ He huffed as I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and looked at him with worried eyes.
‘’You can come and stay with me if you want’’ I told him before I could stop myself, ‘’I mean…that’s if you want too until you find another place’’ I swallowed as Adam turned to look at me with large eyes. ‘’I mean, the house is big enough for both of us to be there comfortably. In a way, it’s too big for me sometimes’’ I admitted as Adam smiled warmly and nodded lightly.
‘’I would like that’’ Adam smiled, the warmth returning to his eyes as I smiled back at him. ‘’honestly’’ Adam started with a slight grin, ‘’I didn’t think I would find you here, I did come around but Sutan said you were here’’ He told me as I felt my cheeks warm slightly as I nodded.
‘’Yeah’’ I laughed weakly, ‘’I only came in to search for the tags although, I don’t really know why I did as I haven’t been here for a while so they wouldn’t of even been here’’

.o0o.

Climbing out the car with Adam, I let my eyes wonder around before they were flickering back over to him again, his eyes down as he dug his keys out, feet leading him towards the apartment building as I closed the door and headed after him, the thoughts of what I had said to him finally sinking in deeply and sending a shiver down my spine as I swallowed deeply and came to a pause behind Adam as he unlocked his apartment.
‘’I already have a few things packed, I was going to just stick most of my stuff in storage and stay at moms until I could figure something out’’ Adam told me as he pushed his door open and I nodded. ‘’so really, thank you again Tommy’’
‘’It’s fine Adam really’’ I grinned at him, ‘’I would rather have you somewhere comfortable with all your things then having to worry about paying out for a unit which cost stupid amounts of money’’ I told him as he laughed and nodded.
‘’That’s true’’ His voice echoed from somewhere behind me as I pushed the apartment door closed and turned around to see a few boxes laid around the room, mostly open and things sticking out here others were just boxes packed on top of each other.
‘’Where do you want me to start?’’ I called out as I pushed my keys in to my pocket and started to tug my jacket of my shoulders as Adam wondered back in to the room.
‘’Where ever you would like baby, I mean most of the stuff has been started in here, I was going to leave the kitchen and bathroom until last’’ Nodding, I smiled towards him, his own lips pulling up before he was turning around again and heading down towards his room as I moved towards some of the boxes laying around the lounge area.
Looking through one of the open boxes, I glanced over at the book stand to see that he had already started to pack it before I was turning and pulling the last few books off and moving them in to the box with the others, moving them around until they fitted snuggly and I knew they wouldn’t be damaged as I moved on to the rest of the things on the shelf until the box was filled and I tapped it up before moving on to the next one.

‘’Hey Adam, I’m going to take some of the boxes back to mine, not all of them are going to fit in one journey’’ I called out, my feet leading me towards Adam’s bedroom where he was sat looking through paperwork before turning to look up at me with a soft nod.
‘’Alright, do you want me to come with…or?’’ He asked as I shook my head.
‘’No it’s fine, you stay here and finish up some more then that way we can get you out and in to mine without you having to worry about your landlord getting assy on you’’
‘’I’ll bring some more around once its all packed and grab lunch on the way’’ He chuckled as I nodded and paused against the doorframe a moment as his eyes dropped back down to the box in front of him, tapping my fingers across the wood, I bit my lip before I was pushing away and heading back through his apartment where I grabbed my jacket and started to take some of the boxes out to the car. Packed up, I paused a moment before I was turning around and heading back inside and back down to Adam’s room again as I fiddled around with my keys and pulled one off just as Adam turned to look at me again.
‘’Spare key’’ I told him as I held it out, ‘’so you can get in and out, it works the gate and the house so…the gate doesn’t normally get locked though so I wouldn’t worry about it too much but just in case’’ I told him quickly, the feeling of my heart beating against my chest faster as he smiled and stepped forward, fingers curling around the key and brushing over mine slightly had me swallowing lightly.
‘’Thank you’’ He half whispered out as I nodded and rubbed at the back of my neck.
‘’Right…I’m going to make a move’’
‘’See you soon’’ Adam called out once I reached the door, turning to look over my shoulder slightly, I couldn’t help but smile towards him.
‘’I’ll see you soon, then’’ I whispered back as he nodded, his eyes alive with happiness as I turned back and headed back through the apartment and out the door, closing it behind me, I jogged back out to the car and in behind the drivers wheel as I let a deep breath out and started the drive home.

.o0o.

Coming back down the stairs again, I let a breath out and rubbed at my wrist slightly before the sound of the door opening had me looking up and heading down the stairs a little quicker before I headed in to the kitchen where I found Sutan.
‘’I let myself in honey, I know you don’t mind’’ He teased as I laughed freely and moved around.
‘’Do you want a drink?’’ I asked as I pulled the fridge door open and took a soda can out.
‘’No can do sweetheart, I’m not stopping, only came around to drop off theses’’ Sutan told me before he was digging out a bunch of keys and held them out towards me with a grin on his face as I pushed the door closed and looked between them and him.
‘’You’re really giving them back to me?’’ I asked as he laughed brightly in the room and nodded.
‘’Of course, baby you have gone three weeks without playing, to you that’s a life time and I know how much you end up missing your guitars and what ever else you have in that room, so I am giving you back permission, although I still don’t want you going in to the main studio’’ Sutan told me as I nodded and took the keys from him with a grin.
‘’I know, I’m not going to be in there for a while, not until I decide to start the next album which isn’t going to be for a while so you don’t have to worry’’ Putting my drink down with the keys, I headed around the middle island and wrapped my arms around him tightly. ‘’thank you Sutan’’ I mumbled in to his shoulder as he laughed again and wrapped his arms around me just as tightly.
‘’Well, just take it easy okay darling’’ Sutan told me as his fingers ran through my hair and I nodded.
‘’I promise’’ I told him as I pulled away and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘’but why aren’t you staying anyway?’’ I asked as I stepped away again.
‘’Oh, I’m having lunch with Mia and Dave, he was going to ask you but apparently, you and a certain dark haired, blue eyed man had already left the studio by the time he and Isaac had gotten back’’ Sutan smirked as I rolled my eyes.
‘’It’s nothing like that okay, Adam came around to give me back my tags, he was the one who took them…no, don’t look like that Sutan, it wasn’t like that, he took them because he wanted to do something for my birthday and he did, he got them cleaned up and he got our saying carved in to the back of the one’’ I Admitted to him with a smile.
‘’Oh honey’’ He sighed, ‘’when are you going to tell him that you still love him?’’ He asked as I shrugged.
‘’I don’t know, I guess in time, we are still trying to get back in to routine of knowing each other despite of how long he has been back now, I mean its been nearly a year and I know he still struggles with not…you know with the army’’ I got out as Sutan nodded with an understanding look.
‘’I know sweetie, well I should get going before I’m late, but I will be around again soon, work is heavy for me at the moment’’ Sutan told me as we both turned and started to head back out towards the front door.
‘’Of course, I know’’ I teased, ‘’just make sure you don’t get too swamped under’’ I winked out as he laughed and pressed his lips to my cheek again, his fingers moving in a wave before he was crossing to his own car and driving away.

Waiting until he was out of sight, I headed to the car and started to finish of taking them up to the spare room before I was heading back down nearly twenty minutes later to grab the last box and take it inside as I pushed the door closed behind me and headed up stairs.
Leaving it in the spare room with the others, I glanced around to make sure that there would still be enough space for Adam’s other things before I was heading out and in to my own room across the hall and grabbed some clean shorts before heading down and in to the bathroom where I started the shower up and got undressed.

Showered and dressed in my board shorts, I paused for a moment as I finished drying my hair off and threw the towel in to the hamper as a grin spread across my lips as I thought about my keys still sat on the kitchen counter with my drink, turning, I bounded down the stairs and let a small yelp out as I felt my foot misjudge the last step before strong hands were grabbing my arms. Staring up at Adam, I couldn’t help but blush slightly as he let a soft laugh out before his hand was leaving my arm to come up and run his thumb across my cheek where I knew he was following the blush as I swallowed slightly and moved to stand back up properly with his help.
‘’Where’s the fire?’’ Adam asked with a slight grin again as I laughed and shook my head, my arms coming up to rub against each other before I nodded down towards the kitchen and started to walk again.
‘’Sutan dropped by about an hour and half ago, brought my keys back and I wanted to go and play’’ I told him as I picked them up from the counter and turned back around to look towards Adam, ‘’I remember some guy given me good advice about playing just for me and not for work, you know, he’s quite right’’ I teased as Adam laughed and shook his head.
‘’I was going to bring lunch but I didn’t know what you wanted so I can call something in or go get something if you’re hungry’’ Adam told me as I nodded.
‘’Do you have more of your stuff?’’ I asked as he nodded. ‘’alright, I’ve putting everything I brought up in the spare room, just put it all in there and if you run out of room just invade my bedroom for it’’ I told him with a smile as he looked towards me with an unsure look, ‘’it will be fine, if it comes too, I will go out in to the garage and finally tidy it up like I’ve been meaning to do for months on end now’’ I chuckled as Adam relaxed a little and laughed.
‘’Alright’’ He shrugged, ‘’but you okay, you didn’t hurt yourself did you?’’ He asked and I frowned slightly before what he was asking came across and I nodded with a grin.
‘’I’m fine, I had a hero there to save me’’ I winked out as I passed him, lifting my hand up, I patted it against his arm before I was heading back down the hall. ‘’you know where the menus are’’ I called out, ‘’order whatever you fancy, I’m sure they are all used to our orders now’’

Unlocking the door, I couldn’t help but grin as Adam’s laughter echoed around the kitchen before the sound of a drawer being opened and closed had me biting my lip and turning to glance towards the door before I was turning back and opening the studio door with a small frown at the smell.
‘’God, what the hell is that smell’’ I muttered to myself as I walked across and pushed the window open before I was turning and letting my eyes scan across the room before it fell on a take away box on the desk, groaning slightly as I walked over, I grabbed it and headed out to throw in to the bin outside without even opening it before I was heading back inside and opening a few of the other windows before I grinned to myself.
‘’Alright I ordered some pizza this time’’ Turning at Adam’s voice, I smiled towards him as I noticed him stood in the doorway before I nodded, ‘’I’m going to bring the rest of my stuff in, is it alright to get a shower afterwards?’’ He asked as I nodded.
‘’You don’t have to ask Adam, you are living here now too’’ I reminded him as he shrugged a little.
‘’Still wanted to ask, I haven’t lived with someone in a long time and the last time there was thirty other guys’’ He told me before disappearing as I bit at my lip and headed over to the door to watch him walk away.
‘’Hey’’ I called out as Adam paused and turned back, ‘’are you okay?’’ I asked as he smiled softly and nodded.
‘’I’m fine Tommy, I promise you’’ He smiled as I nodded softly.
‘’Just come find me if you aren’t okay’’ I told him, ‘’I don’t want you to suffer alone’’ I admitted as Adam smile softened more.
‘’I will, thank you’’ He told me as I nodded.
‘’Alright, better get a move on then solider, or else I’m eating all the pizza’’ I smirked out as he laughed and winked towards me, laughing softly as he walked away, I couldn’t help but shake my head slightly and head back in to the room as I grinned to myself, I knew that it would take a few days getting used to having someone else in the house, but I also knew that it was going to help our relationship with each other a lot more.

Chapter Text

‘’You little shi-‘’
‘’Language Adam’’ I laughed out brightly, ‘’there’s children around’’ I teased before Adam was turning to look at me, his body leaning down to pick his own water balloon up before I yelped and quickly darted in to the house and moved around Sophie who was in the middle of making lunch, a soft laugh escaping her lips as she shook her head before I noticed Adam drop it before heading inside, laughing, I turned and quickly headed out and towards the stairs.
‘’I’m going to get you sooner or later Tommy, you will run out of places to hide’’ Adam called out as I heard his footsteps chasing me before  I was reaching the top of the stairs and heading down the hallway again, eyes darting around before I was pushing open the door of one of the spare rooms and let a startled yelp out as I felt arms move around my waist before I was being thrown on to the bed where I turned over laughing as Adam crawled over and pinned my arms under his knees as his hands hit my sides and I struggled under his weight and tickles.
‘’Please’’ I begged as I felt tears come to my eyes with the laughter, my voice rising before I was trying to squirm away from his touch again, ‘’Mercy’’ I yelled as we both laughed again.

Glancing towards the door, I couldn’t help but watch as Isaac grinned as he past, his heading shaking before I was turning back to stare down at Tommy as he let another round of laughter out as I dug my fingers back in to his side again, his body wiggling and squirming undermine with each move to try and get away before he was throwing his head back, I knew I had missed the sound of his laugh when I felt my heart clenching, the freedom on his face as tears leaked from the side of his eyes and he turned his head slightly to rub them away in the covers as I lightly let up to let him get enough breath before I was moving back in for the attack again.
‘’Boy’s, lunch’’ Hearing Sophie’s yell up the stairs, I turned my head towards the door before back again as Tommy huffed with breath, his cheeks ruby red as I sat back and met his eyes with a satisfied grin which Tommy stuck his tongue out at me, laughing, I climbed off him carefully before offering my hand and pulled him to his feet before steadying him again as he breathed out deeply.
‘’I hate you’’ Tommy told me light heartedly as I grinned.
‘’No you don’t, if you did, you wouldn’t of let me come live with you’’’ I teased before jumping away from his hand as he curved it towards me. Laughing I headed down stairs again, Tommy’s footsteps behind me as I ran my hand through my hair and itched at my shoulder before I was entering the kitchen and moved towards the table where Sophie looked up with her own smile before her eyes flickered between me and Tommy, glancing back, I couldn’t help but laugh lightly at how messed up he looked up, his hair was a mess from where he had been trying to work his way out from under me and his shirt twisted slightly before he was straightening it out with a playfully glare towards me.
‘’I’m glad you are both happy, it’s nice to see again’’ Sophie told us as he sat down, a soft smile on his lips before I was grinning, I knew that since I had moved in with Tommy the week before that things had gotten a lot better between us, it was a lot easier and we didn’t tip-toe around each other as much as we used to.

.o0o.

‘’Tommy’’ Smiling, I returned mom’s hug before she was grabbing my hand and pulling me inside the restaurant.
‘’I did tell you I didn’t want anything for my birthday mom, especially a party’’ I told her as she shushed me.
‘’it isn’t a party Tommy, it’s a nice meal between friends and family for your birthday’’ She scolded him before dragging him across the room to where they had one of the back rooms booked before entering, people cheering, laughing, I shook my head playfully as I let myself be dragged in to hugs by different people, kisses being pressed to my cheek until I finally managed to get to sit down.

In the end, I couldn’t help but enjoy myself as I watched everyone around the large table talk and laugh, before we had eating lunch, the not party, party making me grin before I was shaking my head slightly, I knew inside that part of me didn’t want the fuss, that I just wanted to go home and open a few beers or have a glass of wine and watch movies on the couch, but I knew mom had gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this and I knew it would be cruel to just leave so early as I turned and returned her smile again.
Before long a few people started to leave, apologizing for the early get away but they had things to do which I didn’t mind as I hugged and kissed them goodbye before turning back as I carried on listening to mom talk to Adam, his eyes meeting mine with a soft smile which I returned before I turned as the door opened and Leila stepped in. laughing to myself, I pushed to my feet and walked over to her and let her pull me in to another hug which I returned tightly.
‘’I can’t stay long, got an interview I need to get too but just wanted to pop in and wish you a happy birthday’’ she told me before holding a small present up, laughing, I took it softly.
‘’You know, you didn’t have to get me anything’’ I told her as she patted my cheek.
‘’Yes I did, you’ve done so much for me as well as Adam himself, you deserve something in return’’ she told me with a wink before kissing my cheek,, ‘’I really should get going, I need to get to that interview’’
‘’Good luck, I’m sure you will blow them away’’ I winked as she laughed and waved to someone over my shoulder who was probably Adam before she was turning her eyes back to me again.
‘’Come around for dinner soon honey, if not I will crash your house’’ Laughing I kissed her cheek softly before waving lightly as she quickly left.
‘’She not staying?’’ Jumping, I turned and smiled at Adam before I shook my head.
‘’Nah had an interview she had to get too’’ I told him as he nodded softly and just looked at me.
‘’You okay?’’ He asked as I smiled and nodded.
‘’I’m fine Adam’’ I lied to him, hoping that he would drop it before he nodded slowly, I knew he was probably unsure with my answer but I was glad that he didn’t try and pry further as we both headed back to the table and sat down again, jumping back in to conversation quickly.

After another hour, I could feel myself wanting to get out of the restaurant as I turned and glanced towards mom to see her smiling at someone, turning my eyes away, I let them roam over the room to see more people had left before I was turning back to look at her again.
‘’I’m going to head off mom, I got some things I need to do before the end of the night’’ I lied as she turned to look at me, her face not telling anything as she smiled softly and nodded slowly.
‘’Are you sure honey, cant you stay a little longer?’’ she asked as I shook my head slightly.
‘’Sorry mom, thank you for all this though, I loved it honestly’’ I told her before leaning over to press a kiss to her slips as she sighed but nodded.
‘’Alright baby, but don’t work yourself too hard okay, you need to take breaks remember, I know you haven’t been back to work all that long but you still need to remember.’’ She told me as I smiled.
‘’I promise mom, every two hours, I’ll take a half hour break’’ I teased as she laughed softly and nodded.
‘’You make sure you do that mister or there will be trouble’’

Half an hour later, I let a soft breath out as I closed the front door behind me, I was happy to be home now but I still couldn’t help but feel guilt seep in to my mood as I thought about today and the way everyone was happy, the way I had acted in the past was pretty shitty and I felt guilt for almost taking that away from everyone when I had hurt myself. Dropping my keys in to the bowl on the table, I kicked my shoes off and started to take my jacket off as I headed along the hallway and in to the studio where I dropped it over the back of my desk chair before I was moving towards the piano where I had last been, my notebooks still sat on top, one filled with notes and the other with lines of lyrics and scratched out words.

Watching Tommy leave, I knew something was wrong on the inside as I glanced back to the person I was talking too, nearly all morning since he had arrived, his mind seemed to be in another place, almost distant and I knew his smile wasn’t all natural, that most of it had been forced, but there wasn’t anything I could do about it once he had left, my eyes darting towards Dia to see her sighing softly before her eyes met mine and she smiled sadly, excusing myself from the guy who I was talking too, I moved around the table until I was sat next to her again. ‘’Is he okay?’’ I asked quietly as Dia moved her hand to rest over mine.
‘’He will be’’ She told me softly.
‘’What do you mean?’’ I asked confused as her eyes moved around the room.
‘’Tommy never wants to do anything for his birthday because of the guilt he still feels’’ She told me quietly, ‘’he still feels guilty for hurting himself like he did, for getting so lost in the depression that he thought killing himself would be the only way out and he hates that he nearly took all this away from us’’ She whispered as I swallowed slightly and nodded.
‘’Should I head home and check on him?’’ I asked before she smiled and squeezed my hand again.
‘’He will be fine, he just wants to be along for a few hours, I knew he didn’t want anything like this, it’s always the same but I can’t help myself, but he’s getting better, he’s staying longer now since it happened’’ Dia told me as I nodded. ‘’leave it a few hours before you try approaching him honey’’
‘’Of course’’ I grinned before pulling her in to a tight hug, ‘’despite everything, this was a great idea Dia, Tommy needs reminding sometimes that people still love him and that his mistakes doesn’t mean anything to anyone, they all look past that part on better terms’’ I told her as she smiled.
‘’I’m glad Tommy met you Adam, I really am but I’m sorry that things turned out like they did’’
‘’I know, but we are getting better, it’s not so hard between us and since Tommy let me have his spare room until I can find another place, we’ve gotten to a really good place where we are relaxed against each other, I mean there’s often times when I wake up on the couch with Tommy because we fell asleep while watching a movie or we share a bed if we watch one in one of the bedroom’s’’ I shrugged which made Dia smile warmly.
‘’And how do you feel about him?’’ She asked as I glanced away and back again, a small smile pulling my lips up as I met her eyes.
‘’I still love your son’’ I told her truthfully.

.o0o.

Locking the door up behind me, I paused and let myself listen to the house before the soft sounds of the piano told me that Tommy was in his studio as I put the bag on the table and started to pull my shoes off before hanging my jacket up,  picking the bag up again, I headed across and leaned against the doorframe, just watching him for a few moments as he played and wrote things down, pausing with a frown before I was knocking on the doorframe softly as Tommy looked up with a small smile.
‘’Hey’’ I called out as he nodded.
‘’Hey yourself’’ Tommy smiled.
‘’Got take out if you’re hungry and a movie’’ I told him as I held up the food bag and then the movie in my other hand as he laughed softly and placed the pencil he was using on top of his notebooks before he was standing and walking towards me.
‘’You deal with the food’’ He told me before stealing the movie out my hand before walking past, grinning to myself, I shook my head and soon followed in to the kitchen where I sat the bag on the counter before heading around for the plates, finding them, I quickly dished us both up before I was grabbing two wine glasses and the bottle from the fridge and carefully took them all in to the lounge where Tommy looked up from the couch with a soft smile. Sitting down, I handed his plate over with a knife and fork before I was putting mine on the table along with the glasses and wine before disappearing back in to the kitchen for the cork screw, opening the wine and discarding the cork and screw on the table, I poured both of us a drink before I was grabbing my food and settled back next to Tommy as he pressed play on the movie.

‘’Do you want to go swim?’’ I glanced at Tommy from where he was leaning in to my side before back to where the film was ending before shaking my head slowly, a small yawn escaping as I quickly covered my mouth.
‘’I’m going to pass, I don’t really feel like it but you can go ahead if you want, I don’t mind’’ I told him as Tommy paused slightly before nodding, watching as he put my plate on top of his and took them out, I frowned softly as I gathered the glasses and the half empty wine bottle before taking it back to the fridge and sink, washing the few dishes up quickly, I turned and glanced over my shoulder as Tommy came back down in a pair of shorts before heading out the back doors as I finished up, hearing the splash of water, I slowly dried my hands and leaned against the door to outside, my eyes watching Tommy for a while as he swam a few lengths of the pool he had. ‘’baby, I’m going to head up to bed’’ I called out as Tommy paused and turned to look at where I had moved closer to the pool edge, watching as he swam over and held his hand up, I smiled softly before grabbing it.

I wasn’t sure what made me do it as I smirked and let Adam start pulling before I tugged on his hand and pulled him down in to the pool before I broke out in laughter as I swam closer to the edge again, my eyes watching the surface as Adam appeared, his own laugh echoing in to the night air before he turned to look towards me.
‘’I’m going to get you back for that’’ He told me as I grinned and climbed out the pool quickly. Stepping backwards, I watched as he swam towards the edge before he was pulling himself up quicker than I expected as I yelped and turned quickly, running through the kitchen I knew I was getting water everywhere but I didn’t care as I turned and bounded up the stairs, taking two at a time as Adam followed behind, his footsteps heavy against the floor before I darted down the hallway and in to my own bedroom where I glanced around before the sound of Adam getting closer had me throwing myself in to my closet and pulling the doors shut, my hands holding on to the handle as Adam entered and I heard his laugh echo closer before the tug on the door.
‘’No’’ I laughed.
‘’Ahh, come on Tommy, let me in’’ Adam laughed out.
‘’No, my closest, you have your own, go hide in there’’ I chuckled as Adam laughed freely and kept rattling the door handle, trying to pull it open before I shook my head and tried to hold tighter.
‘’I am going to get you back for pulling me in the pool Tommy, don’t you think I’m not’’ He laughed before the handle slipped from my damp hands and flung back to revel a soaking wet Adam as I laughed and bit my lip, moving slightly I tried to launch myself past Adam before I felt his arm catch me around the waist, the weight and force of my body moving backwards again causing us to both fall, half in the closet still before we started laughing again.
Feeling Adam’s hands on my sides, I laughed and turned over on to my back to try and avoid them before I felt strong fingers curling around my wrists and pinning them back against the floor above my head as I laughed, struggling slightly, I couldn’t help but try and wiggle my wrists out of Adam’s hand before I was looking up at him, our laughter slowly dying out as I swallowed slightly at the realization of how closer our faces were with Adam holding my wrists above my head, letting my eyes stare back at Adam’s, I couldn’t help but remember every time we had laid next to each other and just stared before I was trailing mine away and over his face before moving back to the blue orbs again as I felt Adam’s hand shift and slowly trail up my side, grinning slightly as it tickled, I couldn’t help but see the smile pull at Adam’s own lips before his fingertips were slowly moving up and along my jaw lightly, almost like he was scared to touch me.
Watching as Adam moved forward slightly, I could feel my heart skip a beat before slowly getting faster as Adam’s eyes flickered over mine again, darting downwards before back up as he slowly leaned down closer, almost like he was giving me the time to move away before the feeling of his lips touching mine chastely had a shiver running down my spine as I let my eyes slip closed.

Pulling away, I stared down at Tommy shocked that I had let myself kiss him as my heart hammered against my chest, ready for the words from Tommy, telling me to get off him and to get out as his eyes slowly blinked open before I felt his hands struggle under my hand, letting them go quickly, I was ready for him to tell me to leave before the feeling of fingers on the back of my neck shocked me enough that I didn’t realize he was pulling me back down again until I felt his slightly dry lips back against mine, opening up slightly, I let myself kiss him deeper as my hand traveled back up to his jaw again, holding it more firmer as I let Tommy control the kiss.

Feeling Adam shiver, I pulled away slowly and breathed out as I stared up at him. ‘’You should go and shower, warm up’’ I whispered out to him, ‘’get dry clothes on before you become ill’’ I told him breathlessly as he nodded, feeling him brush his lips over mine again, I opened my eyes and watched as Adam pushed himself up and quickly let the room again.
Breathing out, I still couldn’t believe that me and Adam had just kissed for the first time in so many years, the shock still clear in my mind as I felt myself bring my hand up and slowly touch my fingertips against my lips as my eyes slipped closed again, I didn’t know what or how to even feel as I swallowed and slowly shivered myself, pushing myself up and letting my eyes open, I pushed to my feet before I was heading over to where I had left a towel on the end of my bed and started to dry myself off before I found some clean clothes and headed down to the downstairs bathroom after hearing the one running.
Standing under the spray of water, I knew that I was conflicted, part of my mind screamed at me that trying to get back in to a relationship wouldn’t work with Adam where the other half told me that it would, I knew that we had a lot of history together since we first met and not all of it was good but I also knew that the past few months had been better and then since moving in we had become a lot closer that sometimes I wondered where the lines were between us and now they had finally been crossed and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to step back over to my side, I wanted to stay on Adam’s side of the line and clutch on to him tightly, I hated  the feeling and even the thought of Adam being with anyone else other than me and I knew that I had no right to feel that way when I had ended it with Adam just to be with another guy who helped push me in the direction I had ended up in but I also knew Adam was safe, that he would look after me and not let me ever get that way again and everyone loved him. Washing up finally, I climbed back out and turned the water back off again before I was drying off and redressing in the sweat pants and top I brought with me before I headed through and in to the lounge where I dropped down on to the couch and ran my fingers through my damp hair, trying to detangle it when I let my eyes travel up to see Adam stood in the doorway, his own face looking unsure as I swallowed.
Staring back at him, I bit the inside of my lip before I was pulling my sight away and turning it to the throw on the back of the couch as I pulled it down, leaving some of it folded over on my lap still as I glanced back at Adam as he walked across and slowly settled back down beside me again, the throwing being pulled over his legs as I turned my attention to the TV and grabbed the controller of the coffee table, finding another movie to watch, I let a small yawn out before I was moving and curling in to his side, Adam’s arm moving to wrap around my shoulder tightly before it slipped down on to my waist carefully, I knew that we should’ve talked about what happened upstairs, but I found myself not wanting too in case it turned out that Adam didn’t mean the kiss before the soft trailing of his fingers over my side had me slowly fallen asleep.

.o0o.

Waken to bright light, I groaned softly before reaching up to rub at my eyes before the knowledge that I was laid down had me pausing to glance down and around to see that I was still on the couch before I was turning to look over my shoulder to see Adam behind me, the weight of his arms around my waist sinking in slowly as I carefully turned over so I was facing him. Pulling the throw closer around our shoulders as I watched him. In sleep, Adam looked so innocent and young, like he hadn’t seen all the tragedy he had seen overseas, smiling softly to myself, I let my hand travel up and touch lightly against his shoulder, my fingertips touching the scars under the thin shirt from where they were raised ever so slightly.
Breathing out deeply, I dropped my hand away again before I curled closer in to Adam’s warmth and his chest, working my leg carefully between his, I felt my cheeks warm before the feeling of sleep became heavy again as I felt Adam’s arms tighten in his own sleep, a light breath leaving his lips as I let my cheek press against his shirt.

Waken the second time to the warmth, I let a quiet sound out before I was stretching slightly and slowly blinking my eyes open to find Adam already away and watching me, a soft smile on his lips as I felt my cheeks warm softly which was replaced with the soft touch of Adam’s hand moving up to cradle against my jaw, his thumb following the brush over the curve of my cheek before he was tilting my jaw up from where I had looked down, his eyes bright before he was leaning closer and brushing his lips over mine lightly before pulling away again as he rested his forehead against mine.
‘’I never got to tell you happy birthday yesterday’’ Adam whispered as his eyes opened again, the blue soft in the morning light as I smiled softly at him.
‘’It’s okay’’ I told him honestly as I moved my hand from where it had been resting between us and slipped it under his top to rest on his side as I swallowed. ‘’you kissing me was enough to not say it’’ I whispered as my eyes moved back up to Adam’s face again to see the soft smile on his lips.
‘’Yeah?’’ He asked as I bit my lip and nodded slightly.
‘’But I don’t want to hurt you again’’ I admitted as I thought of the fear it brought before Adam tightened his arms around me and pulled me closer to him. ‘’I still don’t forgive myself for hurting you the first time’’
‘’You wont Tommy’’ Adam whispered as he brushed his lips across mine again, ‘’we’re older now, been through a lot of stuff both together and not, but we can fight this, make it go in the right direction, I want there to be a ‘us’ again, but it’s up to you’’ He told me as his fingers trailed up my spine slowly, the feeling making me arch in to him slightly as I nodded and buried myself closer, my leg sliding through his more as I slipped my hand further up under his shirt.
‘’I want there to be an ‘us’ too’’ I whispered before feeling the kiss which Adam planted to my temple.
‘’Tommy-Joe’’ Adam whispered as I shifted slightly and pulled back to look up at him.
‘’Yeah?’’
‘’Will you be my boyfriend again?’’ He asked quietly, a smile tilting his lips up as I let a soft laugh out and let myself serge up and press my lips to his deeply before pulling away again with a quiet yes.

Chapter Text

‘’Mom that goes over there’’
‘’Dia’s in the dining room with dad’’ Adam’s voice spoke out from somewhere as footsteps left the kitchen. ‘’Isaac no, not yet, that has to be added last’’
‘’You sure, the book says to add it now’’ Isaac’s voice echoed out in the room from behind me as another laugh filled the empty spaces.
‘’Forget the book, we do it differently’’ Adam chuckled, his voice warm which had me biting at my lower lip to stop myself from grinning. ‘’Danny showed me how to do it this way the thanksgiving we were still over in the desert’’
‘’Tommy where’s the turkey?’’ Dave called out. Glancing up at everyone who as running around the kitchen, I breathed out and pointed towards the oven with a slight nod.
‘’In cooking at the moment, but it needs to be taking out in about twenty minutes to have the gravy added and other things’’ I called back to him before I turned back and carried on penning in the names on to the different cards, the pile left to do slowly growing smaller and smaller until I was on the last name.
‘’Tommy darling’’ Breathing out, I dropped the pen again and swiveled around on the stool to watch Sutan walk in, his arms filled with different shades of red and green colored fabrics, ‘’where did you want these?’’ He asked as I rubbed at my temple.
‘’In the dining room’’ I mentioned, ‘’mom is in there already with Eber sorting god knows what out’’ I told him as he nodded with a smile. ‘’oh and could you take theses and give them to mom, they need to be sat down in front of each place, there’s a map there too so it should be easy pickings’’ I asked as I stood and picked the box which held the finished names and the small map of where everyone was sitting.
‘’Sure honey’’ Sutan grinned as I handed them over and watched as he walked away again, a sway to his hips which had me grinning slightly before my hands were coming up to rub over the back of my neck and away again with a sigh.
‘’Tommy’’ Mia shrieked as she came over and pushed a bowl of mixture at me. ‘’it’s gone wrong, it was for the pie and now there’s no ingredients left to make it.’’
‘’there’s one in the fridge, I brought it yesterday just in case, there’s also extra fruit in the pantry if you still wanted to make more of those cocktail sticks’’
‘’You’re brilliant baby’’ Mia grinned as she pressed a kiss to my cheek and scampered away again, leaving me to sit on my own again, just watching everyone moving around and doing their own things.

‘’You seem frustrated baby’’ Hearing Adam’s voice close to my ear, I couldn’t help but jump and glance around to see everyone busy before I was turning to look towards him over my shoulder.
‘’There are people around’’ I whispered back as the corner of his lips tilted up slightly with a shrug.
‘’I know’’ He whispered as he stepped closer again, large hands coming up to press against my lower back in a gentle massage, groaning quietly, I let myself arch in to his touch before dry lips were pressing a kiss to the skin behind my ear. ‘’but you are stressed out and I don’t like that, you get too tense and seeming as we haven’t slept together yet, I can’t help you unwind that way so I have to rely on my hands massaging and my kisses soothing over your skin’’ Adam whispered in to my ear as I grinned and lightly pushed my elbow back in to his ribs.
‘’Behave’’ I whispered, ‘’and go away before someone sees, there’s work to be done’’ I teased as Adam’s blue eyes glanced around the room, feeling him press a kiss to my cheek, I bit at my lip as he squeezed my waist and quickly walked away again, his body moving past and out the room as I let myself glance around to see people still busy.

Breathing out as I turned back and slowly stood, I couldn’t help but think about the few weeks we had been back together, I knew that we were both hiding it from our friends and family, that we just wanted to relax back in to a relationship without people questioning everything we were doing or whether we had fought about it enough to get together again.
I knew what Adam had said about sleeping together was teasing but I knew that he was also holding back for me, waiting for me to be ready myself before we ended up having sex again, I knew that in the very beginning that we rushed in to things too quickly and I wondered if that was where we went wrong as I walked through the kitchen and headed in to the dining room which was never used normally, the long room always standing empty with the table but now filled with bright colors and the warmth from the fire at one end, the sound of wood crackling in the background as I smiled to myself and headed over towards Leila and mom where they were rolling napkins.
‘’Tommy dear, thank you for hosting dinner here’’ Leila told me as I grinned and shook my head.
‘’No need, I was more than happy to do it again and seeming that we are one big family now, we wouldn’t fit anywhere else’’ I teased as she laughed and pressed a kiss to my cheek.
‘’Still, thank you’’ She smiled.
‘’Okay, the table’s set’’ Turning to Sutan’s voice, I couldn’t help but smile widely at how it looked, draped in a rich wine red, the silver setting plates bright in the lights yet around the table, Candles were sat unlit at the moment, plenty of room in the middle for where I knew the trays and bowls of different food would be sat once they came out. Between the colors there was a long runner of dark green breaking the table up, wine glasses sat between each plate along with another glass for water or soda.
Watching as mom and Leila walked over with the box and the map of where everyone was sitting, I let myself watch them set each name setting out in front of the empty plates which Sutan had been putting out before I was turning and looking out of the window and over the view to where the sun was starting to set in different hues of colors, reds mixing and fading away to oranges and pinks, purple in some places where blue still settled within the day.
‘’It’s beautiful isn’t it’’ Turning, I smiled at Eber as I nodded.
‘’It is indeed’’
‘’you’re a good kid Tommy’’ He told me quietly, his head turned slightly as I turned fully to look at him with a frown.
‘’I don’t understand’’ I replied quietly, his lips twitching before pale eyes were turning to me and over my shoulder, following his sight, I turned to see him watching Adam laughing and smiling as he ducked around his mom, her own hands trying to grab something back before I was looking at Eber again.
‘’Since he has been back, you have helped my son Tommy, even from the very start of your relationship all those summers ago. I still remember that day we were at the airport waiting for him to come back, I could see how in love you were with him and when he came through and you ran, I could see the same in him.’’ Eber admitted before turning back to the window again. ‘’I knew a few months ago,  my boy…Adam was having some trouble, he stayed with us for a few days and I woke in the middle of the night to the sound of him, at first I thought it was just dreams but then I saw him leave his room and head down the stairs quietly, I saw him Tommy’’ Eber whispered as he turned his eyes back around the room and back to me again, ‘’I saw the way he hid, jumped when a car passed, I just knew that he hadn’t left the war behind fully Tommy. ‘’
‘’I know’’ I whispered to him as I turned to look back at Adam laughing still, his smile wide before the hand on my shoulder squeezed warmly and I turned back  again.
‘’You helped him son, you brought our boy home to us’’ Eber smiled before he was walking away again, leaving me to maul over Eber’s words.

I knew what he meant, he was happy that I had called Danny for Adam, helped him to get through the night terrors and the memories and to come back to the real world again. Biting at my lip as I pulled a smile back, I turned and faced the room again, watching as people came in and out, passing things through and slowly filling the table even more, the smell of cooked and cooking food filling the air around us as I pushed away from the table and joined in the others with finishing off the last few little bits of decorating.

.o0o.

‘’Okay my turn’’ Isaac called out with a grin from where he was sat halfway down the table between Sophie and Mia. ‘’I’m thankful for having this amazing food’’ Isaac grinned, causing a few people to laugh as he reached over and moved his hand over Sophie’s. ‘’and I’m thankful for having such a beautiful wife and daughter because they mean the world to me and I feel like the luckiest guy alive’’
‘’You’re thankful for food every day of the year bub’’ I mentioned as Isaac stuck his tongue out at me.
‘’You suck Tommy-Joe, in more ways than one’’ He smirked as Sophie slapped his shoulder playfully. Shaking my head, I reached over and picked my glass of wine up to take a sip as Mia took her turn and it slowly revolved around the table, everyone telling us what they were thankful for before it was finally Adam’s turn beside me, glancing at him, I watched as he paused and just let his eyes move over everyone as he probably thought about the words he wanted to say.
‘’I’m thankful for all of you’’ Adam told us slowly, ‘’to be able to sit here around this table with all of you, with the people I love and I’m thankful for having everyone in my life still because things could of turned out so differently’’ Breathing out softly, I could feel my heart skipping slightly with the want of wanting to reach out and wrap my fingers around his and squeeze them in comfort and in a loving move. ‘’and I’m also thankful for this’’ Adam told us as he pulled a envelope out of his pocket and held it up before I found myself frowning lightly, I knew that he was getting his mail forwarded to the house still until he could fully change all his addresses over to the house now that we were back together and decided on just living together to make it easier than having Adam still looking for another place to live as we would probably just end up living together further down the line again, but I hadn’t seen that letter before.
‘’What is it?’’ Neil asked from across the table as Adam smiled, his eyes dropping down as his thumb rubbed over the address and his name on the front before he was looking back up again.
‘’It’s from the army’’ Adam hinted, ‘’my discharge letters have finally come through, I’m no longer theirs, despite being discharged on injury, there was still a rare chance that I could’ve been called back for another tour somewhere less dangerous than where I was, but with this…I’m done, I’m out of the army for good.’’ Adam told us as I felt my lips itch up in to a small smile as a round of applause echoed around the table.
‘’So you’re finally one of us common folk again’’ Neil teased before we were laughing again as Leila slapped him around the back of the head.
‘’Behave Neil’’ She taunted.
‘’But mom’’ He whined despite being an adult who had me smirking lightly.
‘’I don’t care, but what about you Tommy dear, what are you thankful for?’’ She asked as I  glanced at everyone, both Adam’s family and my own and extended together as I thought about everything and nodded to myself slowly as I took another sip from my drink and placed it down again and sat back, my eyes meeting Adam’s with a small smile as I turned away.
‘’I’m thankful for the family and friends which I have’’ I told them as I looked from each person, ‘’but most of all, I’m thankful for forgiveness because without it I have no idea where I would be in life’’ I half whispered out with a smile, ‘’but now, can we eat because I’m starving and this all smells amazing’’ I mentioned which had everyone laughing as we all started moving and started to dish our own plates up.

Tucking in to the turkey, I couldn’t help but glance around the table before my eyes was moving to Adam to see him glancing at me, the feeling of his foot hooking around my ankle and pulling it closer had a smile threaten to pull at the corner of my lips as I turned back again, the warmth of Adam’s foot against mine soothing me as I turned back to Roseanna as she asked for help in cutting her food up, leaning over, I could feel the pressure against my leg from where it was folded around my own, the movement slowly rising and falling with every second while he talked with our moms.
‘’Thank you Uncle Tommy’’ Grinning, I pressed a kiss to Roseanna’s cheek before I was sitting back again, eyes watching with a smile before I was turning back to watch everyone, I was glad that there was laughter filling the air along with smiles and excited chatter, it felt nice having the house full of people for thanksgiving when last year I had hidden away and busied myself with work instead. Listing to the conversation between my mom and Adam’s parents, I watched the way Leila would smile, fingers reaching out to touch Eber’s hand or arm every so often, I knew that Adam’s parents were still friends, that they still loved each other but they weren’t in love, it was relationships like theirs which I found myself worried about, I worried that one day Adam would wake up and decide that he was no longer in love with me for a relationship, that he just loved me like a friend.
Letting my eyes drift to my own mom, I could see the happiness clear on her face yet in her eyes I could still see the loneliness in them, I knew it was for my father, I knew that she had never gotten over her death, just like Lisa had and in some way as I thought about it, I hadn’t either. He was a big part of life and he was missed from every holiday as I turned my eyes away from them and let them move to rest on the empty chair beside mom. Staring at the empty place setting, the plate and glasses untouched, I swallowed deeply as I thought about the way dad would’ve been laughing loudly with everyone else, I could picture him turning to look around the table with a warm smile as he moved his arm around moms shoulder and squeeze her tightly and kiss her cheek. As I tipped back my glass and finished my wine off I could almost hear dad’s voice telling me that it was alright to be afraid of life and love, that he was scared and afraid to love mom when they had first met yet he had fallen in over his head and it was the best thing to ever happen to him.
Feeling a hand move over my thigh and squeeze warmly, I glanced over to see Adam looking at me with a small smile before he was turning away again, his own glass touching his lips as dad’s words of ‘Tommy, you got a good one son, don’t let him get away’ echoed through my mind, feeling the edge of my lips curl up slightly, I turned my attention back to dad’s chair again before mom’s eyes was meeting mine and she was sharing a soft smile in a knowing look.

.o0o.

‘’Hi’’ Turning, I smiled towards Tommy as he came out on to the balcony and quietly pulled the door close behind him as he stared back in to the house which was alive with sounds.
‘’Hey’’  I whispered back to him with a smile as he walked over and held another drink out towards me, grinning as I took it, I turned back to the view again as Tommy’s body came to settle beside me, his shoulders brushing mine as we both stood there quietly. In the background, the house was alive with sound as the wind slowly wrapped around us, feeling Tommy shiver beside me, I glanced over at him and stepped closer so our bodies were aligned as he looked up and smiled softly. ‘’you look beautiful tonight’’ I whispered out to him, in the faint light, I could see the light blush which started to fill out over his cheeks as his lips curled up in to what only I could picture as our private smiles we shared when no one else was around.
‘’You’re just saying that’’ Tommy whispered back as his body turned slightly to face me.
‘’It’s the truth baby’’ I hushed out, ‘’you are so beautiful that it hurts, you have no idea how much I wanted to hold you in my arms at dinner when you was watching your dads chair, you had this look on your face which you always get when your deep in thought and I just wanted to kiss you so badly’’ I breathed out to him, the blush on his cheeks deepening as Tommy lightly bit at his lower lip.
Stepping closer to him, I could feel the warmth of his body pressing against mine as I slowly lifted my hand and trailed my fingertips along his jaw, the tips following the strong line as I ducked down and paused just inches from his lips, the feeling of his escaped breath ghosting over them as I let my eyes dance over his half closed ones before I closed the last little space between us.

Feeling Tommy’s fingers curl in to the front of my shirt, I let myself step closer to him, the hand which had hold of my beer slowly curling around his lower back as Tommy pulled away and rested his forehead against my own as I kept my fingertips on his jaw and smiled back at him. Ever since we had gotten back together again, I could feel myself become happier and I could see the same in Tommy’s eyes, in the way his music seemed to become lighter in sound and not so heavy.
‘’It’s cold’’
‘’We should head inside’’ Smiling as we spoke at the same time, I let my lips graze his lightly again before we were both pulling away and turning to look towards the house where we caught sight of everyone moving away quickly again, laughing softly, I turned back to look at Tommy to see the warm smile on his lips before he was looking back, his brown eyes filled with warmth as I let my thumb trace over his jaw.
‘’I guess they know now’’ Tommy whispered as I grinned and nodded lightly. ‘’do you mind?’’ He asked as his hand slowly wondered under my shirt to rest against my side, his fingers cold as I smiled.
‘’Of course not’’ I whispered, ‘’I know they will be happy for us though, so there’s nothing to worry about’’

Letting my hand rest at the bottom of Tommy’s back as we headed back inside, I watched as he stepped away, eyes darting around as I pulled the door closed behind us again and turned back to see everyone making themselves busy still, smirking lightly at our parents by the sink, I let my eyes dance over towards Mia and Dave who was sat with Isaac and Sophie at the middle island with a game of scrabble on the go, but from what I could see that none of the words made sense, almost like they had just thrown it all together to make it look like they weren’t spying on me and Tommy outside.
‘’What’s going on?’’ Turning, I watched as Rosy came running in to the room with her empty bowl, eyes moving around before they landed on Isaac as he stood and crouched beside her.
‘’Well, Uncle Tommy and Uncle Adam seems to be back together’’ He told her with a smile as she stared at him before moving to look back at us as I stepped closer to Tommy and ran my hand up his spine slowly and down again to curl around his hip.
‘’Oh…’’ She smiled before shrugging, ‘’I already knew that daddy’’ She sighed with a roll of her eyes, ‘’I saw Uncle Adam kissing Uncle Tommy last when they were babysitting me’’ She shrugged before she was running over to dad where he was at the counter. ‘’can I have some more ice cream?’’ She asked as everyone turned to stare towards us.
‘’Busted’’ Tommy whispered out as a small blush ran over his cheeks and I could feel my own starting to appear, feeling Tommy curl in to my side, his hand sliding up to rest over my stomach, I knew that things were looking back up again as everyone started to smile and go back to their conversations. Curling my arm around Tommy more, I pulled him further in to my body and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.
‘’Nothing to worry about’’ I whispered to him as he nodded and squeezed his arms around me tighter.
‘’I know’’ Tommy whispered as he tilted his head up to look at me with a smile. ‘’happy thanksgiving Adam’’
‘’Happy thanksgiving baby’’ I murmured back quietly.