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Chapter Text

Finney took a deep breath in and out in hopes of calming himself down. 

His heart was racing, beating painfully fast and hard.

But he couldn't allow himself to be any more frightened. He needed to be cold. He needed to not be afraid like this. 

He needed to be ready to kill a man. 

Then came the knocking, signaling the others were ready to talk. They had made a rhythm to signal them being there. With this they prevented the Grabber from finding out about their connection. Because he still believed that Finney still believed the others were dead. But he knew the others were alive. They talked to him. 

In the last year five boys have gone missing, one after the other. 

Fear had begun to sweep through the streets of Denver, as more and more kids had begun to just vanish without a trace. Searchparties never had any success. It was like for a second they were there and then they were gone just like the wind. 

People had thought that the boys were dead, that whoever took them had killed them without any trace of humanity or mercy. The only thing left behind were the bikes of some of the missing boys and the faint shadows of balloons in the sky and black balloons tangled on landlines and in trees. But the boys were never found, not even their shoes or anything.

People gave him the nickname "the Grabber", as he just grabbed the kids and they were never heard from again. 

There wasn't even a specific type that he took. Blond, black haired, brown everything. Blue or brown, the eyes didn't matter. Whether the boys were white, Mexican or Asian, he still took them. 

Their background didn't matter, whether they were wealthy or successful or if they were seen as poor or troublemakers. He didn't care.. 

And yet the Blakes had thought they were safe. That some godly being saw what hardships the kids Gwen and Finney suffered alone under their father, and took pity on them. Took the pity to keep them safe from the pain and horror the Grabber inflicted over the whole town. 

But as always this was nothing more than just hope. And sooner or later hope was shattered like the bottles of their father against walls or floors whenever he threw them. 

First it was Bruce Yamada, the boy Finney had played against in summer who went missing right after his team had won the game. 

Then there was silence for a bit and a scary and yet empty new form of normal was created. New flyers with Bruce's face and every information anyone could want mixed themselves under the old and withered flyers of Griffin Stagg, Billy Showalter and 'Pinball' Vance Hopper. 

And then it was Robin Arellano. 

The second toughest kid in school after Vance was taken, and Finney Blake's best friend. 

It was like his heart had been ripped out. He felt empty and lost, like part of him had died. He was like a shell of himself. He didn't care  anymore. He was hurting. 

He just tried to live on, trying to ignore everything going on. He just thought like this he could live. 

And his mourning was used against him. He was tricked. Tricked by the Grabber. 

Now he was trapped inside of the basement of the Grabber, hidden away from everyone.

He was alone. Meaning that the other missing kids were dead. Murdered. 

Or so he thought. 

One night, as he was crying for help, crying for his sister and even his father. Crying for Robin. Pleading for him to forgive him wherever he was to forgive him for getting trapped.. to forgive him for ending up in this place. 

He had begun to chip away paint over the disconnected black phone. (It surprisingly still rang, and sometimes, whenever Finney picked up, it felt like there were whispers behind the static.) 

An air vent was there, going up, but there was a metal 

And then there was Robin's voice. Telling him not to cry and that he was there. 

The other kids, the five missing boys weren't dead. Hidden, trapped in some small room over the basement were they. 

They were alive and kicking and had told Finney everything they knew about the basement. 

One time he had tried to bury himself out of this terrible place, it didn't work. 

The next plan was to try to break the window, which was looking down at him mockingly. Again he only fell and hurt himself. 

The next plan was almost the most risky one. He had managded to escape to the outside, only to be catched by the Grabber again. 

Now he had buried a hole in the wall, only to be stopped by a freezer he couldn't open from the inside. 

He had felt like he was about to give up, to just let the man kill him, as he now certainly had become what the Grabber calls naughty- and he for sure wouldn't end up in the broom closet where the other boys were trapped. And if the Grabber figured out that the others had helped him, their punishment would be worse than death, painful and slow.

It was his job to save them. To protect them. 

"Finn? Are you ready?" Robin's voice called through to him, and Finney just swallowed. 

Again tears began to swell up in his eyes, but he just swallowed it deep down inside of him. 

"I have prepared the.. surprises for him. I used everything you guys gave me." he answered, and he heard whispers coming from up there. 

"You know how to fight dirty, Finn?" Robin finally got through to him again. 

For a moment Finney just stayed quiet. Robin always had this mindset that Finney was more than just a victim of bullying. He thought of Finn as a fighter, someone who knew how to take a punch and stand up afterwards. 

"I can break his ankle in Bruce's trap. If he brings down the dog, I can distract him with the meat out of the freezer. I can make him trip over Billy's wire. Maybe I can hit him over the head with the toilet lid." 

Suddenly, there was comotion up with the others, and instead of Robin'S voice, there was Vance's.

"You gotta beat the shit out of him, dipshit. Hasn't your little friend taught you at least a bit to fight?" he hissed, and Finn shook his head. 

Of course the others were tense. They were frightened and even though they believed to be able to hide the air vent so no sound goes through, Finney still heard them cry. The man still visited them, 'played' with them. He still hurt them. 

He didn't know how they looked like, maybe it was for the better. 

This air vent, which he had chipped free, was the only thing connecting the two soundproof places. 

Again Vance was pushed to the side, and he heard Robin hissing something at Vance. 

"Finn, don't use the toilet lid. It would be too heavy and not practical. Use the phone or your rocket, you already stabbed him with it, didn't you?" he suggested, and actually was right. 

Finn looked at the two weapons right before him. He took things from the boys as soon as he trapped them in that place, a small sound proof closet with nothing more than a bucket. 

"If I bring him down there.. stabbing him with the rocket would be too risky. He could grab me more easily if I used it like a knife... And if something breaks off I have no weapon anymore. But the phone is so light. It wouldn't to much damage."

For a moment it sounded like things were discussed up there, and then Robin returned. 

"Bruce said there are tons of dirt in the hole you must have dug. Put something in the receiver, give it heft. That should do the trick." his voice had gotten more quiet and tense. 

"Please be careful Finn.. He could hurt you." 

"Kill me.. he could kill me. I know, Rob." it made his heart pound to say it out loud, but they all knew it was true. Today could be the last day Finney Blake, Robin Arellano, Bruce Yamada, Vance Hopper, Billy Showalter and Griffin Stagg were alive if he failed. That man would not have any mercy with them if he failed. 

The last two mentioned boys were the most quiet, especially Griffin who seemed absolutely shaken after the punishment they had endured after Finney had tried to run away. 

And if a punishment that they were meant to survive was like this, how would their deaths be? 

Gutted, stabbed, tortured more than before. Their throats could get slit open. their bones are broken. And they would beg him to stop. They would beg him to stop and yet he won't stop. He never stopped. Finney wasn't allowed to fail. 

"Robin, you fought him the most recently.. Can you teach me?" 

"Okay. You gotta stand looking at him, one step forth the other one back. Then you raise the phone,  you take a fast step back, step  forward, step back and then you swing." 

Finney got into position, took a deep breath in and out. 

"Again." 

"You raise the phone, take a fast step back, step forward, step back and swing." Robin instructed again, and Finney followed through with the motion. 

He was afraid, tears always wanted to rush down his cheeks from his eyes and yet he didn't allow it to happen. He needed to keep it cool.. he needed to be ready. And yet he didn't feel ready at all. 

After they repeated it a few times, Finney knew he was ready. 

"I got it Rob, thanks for everything. I'll kill him." 

"And we try breaking out of the room again.. we'll get it done." Robin promised him but inside Finney knew, Robin was just trying to calm himself and the others down. 

"You'll hear what goes down."

"See you on the other side Finn.."

"See you guys on the other side.."

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The door opened with a creak, and Finn held the phone as well as the rocket in hand. It may not be meant for anything more than moral support to Finney, as he felt his heart racing and his mind trying to choose flight instead of fight, but his body language very clearly showed his intentions. He was ready to kill, ready to protect his life and the one of the others. 

But instead of the devil horned mask or his wicked smile, there was a man staring at him. 

Shock was carved into both their faces, but the man then began to blink. 

"Holy fucking mary mother of god.. I knew he was hiding something from me down here"

Suddenly there was hope. A hope he wouldn't have to kill. A hope buried deep within of him. He felt like a child.

He was a child. 

"Help me- c-call my dad, call my sister. Anyone!" he began pleading. 

Finney knew, he knew that the man wouldn't stop if he was put in jail. Maybe other inmates would kill him for what he did to children, for everything he had done. Only death would stop the man, and yet Finney was afraid. He was afraid of killing. He was afraid that it would make him a monster. 

The man looked at him with shock, pure astonishment and shock. He looked kind of.. odd, and yet Finney only held onto the small threat of hope that had formed in this very moment. Maybe they could escape like this. 

"Calm down kid! Don't be scared Al's at work right now!" he stepped down to Finney, the whole body of the man shaking. 

"Oh my fucking god.. you are the Blake kid! Oh my fucking god my brother is the- I need to get you out of here." he was speaking fast, stumbeling over each and every word, either because of exictemnt or pure horror. 

And Finney, he felt the tears leave his eyes. Relief began to wash over him, his grip around the phone began to loosen up. 

"P-please.. please get us out of here! My friends- my friends the other missing kids, they - they are upstairs." Finney told him, his body trembling. It felt like energy couldn' escape from him. Like part of him was trapped inside of his mortal body, and whatever needed to get out, would tear him apart if it wasn't let out soon. 

"Hey.. hey kid calm down, I'm Max." the man was noticeably overwhelmed, and yet he stood right before the panicking Finney, trying to calm him down.

Then the phone rang. 

A disgusting sound, a crack and then a wet slob echoed through the basement. 

An ax was buried in Max's skull. 

FInney cried out, whimpering as he stumbled back, falling against the wall, as he held up the phone to shield his face. 

Limp like a sack of potatoes, Max's body began to fall forward, his face coming in contact with the disgustingly dirty floor of the basement right before Finney's very eyes. 

Warm and wet blood sprinkled across Finney's face, and the only thing that could escape his throat was a whimper and the only thought rushing through his head at that very moment was that he never thought blood could be this sticky. 

And towering over the dead body, the body that began filling the room with a smell mixed of blood and brain's, was a shadow. 

The shadow of a devil, ax in hand as he slowly tried removing it from his own brother's head. 

"You.. you made me kill my brother." he whispered, disbelief and sorrow in his voice. 

"No- no I didn't!" Finney screamed, as he ducked to the side, and again it felt like the phone right over him was vibrating, as the man finally freed his ax from his brother's skull. 

"You made me kill my own brother!" He didn't wear the bottom part of his mask,  but the top one with the devil horns. 

He looked at Finney, his eyes cold and full of hatred. Then he saw the phone in Finney's hand. 

"So you're trying now to disobey me?! Oh Finney.. I thought you were a good boy. My good boy. But now I see, you are nothing but the same as the other boys. Dirty, naughty and rotten to the very core. You want to leave me? Want to attack me? Oh Finney.. you are special. And because of that, I am going to take my time.  Thi- This is going to hurt. I am going to take my time with you and your friends. You are nothing but dirty and naughty. nothing but rotten. But I am going to redeem you. BUt before that.. I am going to make you suffer. I am going to make you pay for killing my brother!" 

Finney's heart was racing, as he began to shake his head, now slowly standing up in a corner of the room, eyeing the man and his weapon closely. 

He had just killed his own brother! He had just killed his own fucking brother with an goddamn axe to the head! Again and again the very obvious observation was running through Finney's mind.  Panic, ice cold panic filled his head with dark and thick clouds, making him only focus on the ax and its handler. 

He had beaten them, cut them, and touched them. His belt had left marks all over Finney's body, and yet, he had never seen him kill. He had never seen how someone had buried an ax in someone's head. 

The man would ax them up. 

Cut off their limbs. 

Their heads. 

Their bodies would - if they would even be found - cut up and magled, their life would ooze out of them painfully and slow. And Finney was the only one who could prevent that from happening. 

"You made me kill my brother! He was an idiot! But he was MY idiot! You little brat killed my brother!" the man screamed at him, spit flying through the air. Then he charged at Finney again, this time merely missing his shoulder by inches. Or.. so Finney thought at least- adrenaline was pumping through his body, as he just ran to the toilet, jumping over the hole he had dug with Bruce's instructions and pulling the cable. 

The man came running after him, not realizing that Finney had jumped to avoid the hole and running directly in it. 

He screamed as he fell, something in his foot or leg snapping as it made contact with either the metal part of the window or the floor. 

He was trapped. The Grabber was trapped. Some part of his foot was broken, making him unable to escape the hole Finney had dug. 

"Finn! Finn are you okay?!" Robin's voice was almost completely drawn out, and yet it made Finney snapback. For a moment the panic he felt was gone, and was replaced with cold hatred and anger. 

He took a fast step back, missing the big hands of the man by meere millimeters. Then he raised the phone. 

Then he stepped forward, making the man flinch back, while Finn took again a step back, only to swing at the man who again tried grabbing him. The phone hit him directly in the face, making him cry out loud. 

But Finn didn't stop. He attacked again, breaking the exposed nose of the man, who again cried out. 

The cord of the phone was curled around his other hand, the rocket still in it. 

But as he stroked to attack again, the man grabbed him, put his arm tightly around Finney's neck. 

Panicking he gasped for air, trying with all of his might to free himself, while the supply of air in his body began to run out. 

Pressure, hot and steaming pressure began building up inside of him, as he tried to free himself with his hands. He threw himself around wildly, hitting the Grabber several times in the face. He scratched him, even trying to stab him again with his missile, which made the man scream as it hit any part of his body, but ultimately forced him with his giant hands to let go of the rocket, which came to the ground rattling.

Then he hit the mask, to be precise, the strap she was wrapping around his head.

With ever less air he had, just grabbed the band and just pulled.

Screaming, shocked and panicking, the man let go of Finney, who fell to the ground gasping for breath, and the man with only the phone and cord in his hands.

The Grabber clapped his hands to his face howling, screaming harder than he's ever screamed before.

But Finn only stared at his bloody hands, then on the cable.

Without hesitating another minute, Finn just ran past the Grabber, wrapped the phone cord around the man's neck and fell against his back. And he drew.

The man gasped for air, but it was useless, Finn just pulled harder so that the man was practically leaning over his shoulder.

The phone rang again, but Finney, caught in the rush of adrenaline and pain from wounds he hadn't even realized, barely noticed.

The man on his shoulder wailed, screamed, and begged, but his voice caught in his throat.

The cable prevented it.

And then, Finney just grabbed the man's hair and pulled hard again.

A crack, an unbelievably loud crack, filled the room.

When Finney kidnapped the man, the man who wanted to kill him, him and his friends, who had very likely killed other boys as well, he fell limp to the ground. He just sank into the ground, buried under part of the carpet.

Finney Blake had killed the Grabber.

He had won. And now he just had to get the others.

Chapter Text

Again and again Bruce smashed his shoulder against the door, huffing and breathing heavily. 

"I- I think we can break - break through the door soon." he huffed, taking a sharp breath in and out as his body began to tremble. 

Robin, who was still leaning over the air vent, his hands dug deep into the beton over it, sighed and looked away. He felt helpless.
They had a certain dynamic ever since Robin had joined them in here, Normally,when they were no as sick, Vance and Robin were the ones to try and fight the man,Bruce would try his luck to charm him and to get him weak, while Billy and Griffin would thik of ways to escape without being caught.. but things weren’t so easy.

They were trapped in a small room, Griffin almost laying on top of Robin's back and Billy was leaning against the wall, closing his eyes as he was sick. They all were, some of the wounds they have gotten as punishment for being "naughty" have gotten infected, filling the small room with the pesty and hard smell of infection. 

"Bruce fucking take a breath, I can try to break it open now. Rest." Vance hissed at the dark haired boy, pulling him to the side and switching places with him, so that now Bruce was leaning against Griffin, an siting right across from Robin. Though his words were harsh, he had some kind of warmth in his voice.

Sometimes Robin could only rol his eyes ad mutter something about Vance always acting though, when he was actually real soft- But he didn’t let Vance hear him, so often just thought it. Robin wouldn’t wanna lose his position,, as it was the only one that didn’t hurt as much in this small room.

His foot was broken, twisted into a painful and weird position. Both of Griffin's legs were broken not so long ago, maybe last week as he tried escaping as soon as the man tried to throw Robin into the mix. But he recaptured the boy, broke both of his legs so he couldn't run away.

It made the young boy feel afraid and scared, naseous even, as he didn’t want to imagine what would happen if Finn, his Finn, could not succsed. What if the Grabber hurt him?
Robin could neer forgive himself, if anything more happened to Finn. He couldn’t just sit around here, drown in fear, panic and sickness. He needed to be strong, he needed to be there, no matter what it did to him. He wasn’t allowed to be afraid, not as long as Finn was in danger. 

"Finn! Finn, are you okay?!" he called through the vent again, but there was no answer back to him. The last thing he heard was the man screaming at him, how Finn was, according to th twisted words of the man, responsible for the death of his brother, who they didn't even know was in the house. And he had heard the man scream, how he would punish him and the others , how he would make it hurt and them suffer. 

Robin felt his body fighting to stay awake, fighting the exauhstion and infection that was inside of him since day one. 

But now he needed to be more awake than ever before. He needed to be for Finn, for the others. He couldn't allow himself to be a burden, a body that they needed to carry to safety eventhough they could barely lift themselves up- they were weak and sick and he didn't want to make their situation even worse than it already was. 

In the backgroudn, Vance again and again smaled himself against the door, in hopes of breaking it open, muttering curses under his breath as he did.

"Robin, clam down.. what if he hears us? Oh we are gonna die if he find's out.. this time he's gonna cut our throats for sure this time.." Griffin whispered, his voice full of fear and yet he sounded just tired. He had gotten a fever in the last few days, and it had gotten worse after the punishment caused by the failed escape attempt. Beaten and left without food and less water, the sicknesses and weakness of them had only continued to decline. 

"Close your fucking eyes Griffin and I'll cut your throat open! Finney is gonna kill that fucker and we will piss on his goddamn grave!" the blond turned to them, spitting all over the place as he almost screamed at them. His eyes were wide open, some bloodvessels were already broken. He huffed hardly and let himself fall against the door again. The small room vibrated, the impact of Vance against the door was so big, and yet the door didn't move. It never did. 

They had tried escaping lots and lots of times. They had tried to break down the door, tackle him whenever he opened the door, tried to escape thgorugh the ent, though the vent was too small for them. 

Bruce had tried to charm his way in with the man, had sepnt in comparirson, seeing the time they were kidnapped and when the next kid dissapared, the most time right after Vance in the basement. And yet his plan failed, and he was thrown back into the room after the man had punisht him. 

Griffin had tried running away as Robin was thrown into, and the man had broken his legs and made a small cut over his thorat as a warning. 

Billy had tried, a bit before Bruce was thrown into the room, to escape with Vance attacking the man, but as an endresult was bitten by the dog. 

"Fuck!" Vance cried out, gliding down the door and now siting across from Bruce, pulling his legs closer to him, so Bruce wasn't so close to him. 

Robin sighed, looked away from the vent and felt his body shake. 

"We can't just give up! We need to get out of here!”he cried out, his voice shaking and breaking. It felt like he was suffocating, the lone thought of being trapped in the same house as they already were trapped in for a long long time. He didn’t want to die here!

Vance turned to him, looking at him with a grimace of anger and frustration, his eyes showing nothing but fear and desperation.
None of them wanted t die here, and yet it felt like an awfully real possibility.
Either the Grabber would kill them, or they would succumb to their wounds or starve to death.
All possibilities they liked to avoid- 

"The fucking door won't move, Robin!" Vance hissed at him, and then went quiet. 

Vance felt helpless, frightend and angry. 

"But we- " Robin couldn't even finish his sentence, because Vance interrupted him with fierce blue eyes. 

"The fucking door won't open because the motherfucker has locked it up! Maybe there is a fucking shelf placed right infront of it! We are stuck!" he snapped at the boy infront of him again, his voice breaking in places and tears swelling in his eyes. Fear was shining through them, and they knew clearly of what Vance was afraid. 

He feared that they would be stuck in here forever, and that once they were boring or just too many, they would be slaughtered like pigs by the maniac that had kidnapped them. 

Or maybe he feared, that Finn would fail. That the man would overpower him, kill and torture him and then move on to them. 

Bruce looked away, to Robin's foot, which was twisted in a weird angle. He was lucky it wasn't his fingers, but like this he couldn't fight back if he needed to.. but walkng would be a problem.

"Stop it you two.. " Billy whispered, having now opened his eyes. 

He looked like hell - well they all did, but Billy looked really pale and skinny today - and the cut on his cheek really didn't look well. Eventhough Robin knew, facial scars healed relatively well and fast, he knew that if they came out of this alive, the scars on especially Vance's nose and cheeks, Billy's cheek and Bruce's whole left side of the face, would get ugly. They were old and infected, and the Grabber had fun with scrapping of the hardened blood whenever he got the chance. 

And the bite on  Billy's neck and arm looked real nasty. 

"We shouldn't fight.. secondly you are giving me a headache."

"Well sorry, dickhead, but we indirectly attacked the fucker! If he survives down there, we all are literally going to die." the blond still looked pissed at Billy, but he actually went a bit more quiet. 

Robin scoffed but shot Billy an apologetic glance.

He didn’t hate Vance nearly as uch as he thought he would, and right now, he was just stressed.
They all were. 

"But we need to get out of here, Griffin could not wake up tomorrow if we don't do anything." Robin insisted, and Bruce looked to the groud, kneading his hands and swallowing hardly. 

"The door.. alone one can't open it. Maybe.. maybe Vance and I could try together to break it open. Griffin shoudln't stand up and can't.. and Robin's leg is broken. Billy, maybe you could.."

"I'll stay here with the two. But if you two break open the door you should look out for the fucking mutt. Don't let him bite, without the Grabber telling him to let go of you he'll tear you apart." he warned. 

Billy, or Paperboy how he sometimes - mostly after the Grabber had spent 'time' with him, as they all knew, the man liked to act like he owned them - wanted to be called. Like he owned each and every part of them. And in an attempt to take back part ofhis dignity after everything happened, he sometimes would ask in a shaking and horase voice, if the others could reffer to him as paperboy for a while and to not let the man take more than he already had. The man even stole things from them, before he locked them up in there. Robin’s belt, Vance’s necklace, Griffin’s lock, Bruce didn’t want to say what he took, and a watch from Billy. Maybe that was why he let Finn keep his rocket.

Vance scoffed. 

"I'll spit on the fucking ankle biter if he comes close.. hey Finney has mentioned a freezer with meat, right? Thats how we gotta get out and the fucking mutt out of our way!" he suggested, and Robin looked at Vance in horror. 

Finn going outside with fucking meat to the bloodthirsty murder mutt outside? Oh fucking hell no!

"¿Estúpido cabrón? The mutt has already tastet blood!" he hissed, actually under his breath, in direction of Vance, as he knew, that Billy would take offense to his failed attempt being mentioned right then and there. 

"I have no idea what swears you just called Vance, but we need to get out of here! If we don't-"

"Robin? Robin are you okay? It's- it is over!" Finn's voice caled through the vet, filling the small closet space with his voice. He sounded tzired, and yet victorious. 

"Finn!" Robin called out, pressing his face over the vent and feeling how his arms trembled with holding up his body weight. He felt so goddamn weak and his foot started hurting again. But it didn’t matter. He just- he just needed to hold on.

"Did you- did you kill the hijo de puta? Is he- is he dead?"

"I-I snapped his neck with- with the phone." he huffed, and Robin, for the first time felt relieve rush over him, and his eyes began to water.

They were free from the monster. He was gone. He was dead.
His Finn had killed the bastrad! He had 

Suddenly, he was pushed rather roughly to the side, his face being pressed against the cold wall and a hand on his other cheek.

“Good job killing the fucker, but we need to get out of here. But the mutt is still outside. You need to distract him.” Vance, the one that had pushed him iunto the wall, keeping him away from the vent, looked with rather suprised eyes at Bruce, who just cursed and pleaded with Finn.

Robin tried to move away, this position began hurting, especially his neck and hands, and yet, he felt terror. He felt the same terror once again he had felt the day he realized that down in the basement was Finn- his Finn. His best friend, and that he almost gave up. He seriously had compenplated to just.. make a deal with the literal devil in white. He was afraid of losing Finn, of him suffering form the same things he himself and the others suffered from. He just wanted to shield Finn, to protect him like he did with the bullies. And yet he knew, Finn needed to stand up for himself, whether be it against bullies or a pedo kidnapper. But he still felt heartwrecked everytime, because he was afraid.

“The meat in the freezer, maybe..”

“I could maybe.. maybe I could trap the dog down here in the basement.” Finn suggested, his voice stragely empty and again so so tired. OIt was like somepar inside of him had snapped.

Robin tried to move away, but Vance held him in place, at one point he even thought, that Vance looked at his struggles with pity and an apology in his eyes.

The blond felt bad. Though Robin was pretty sure, he would never admitt it. 

He couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t do anything. And deep inside of him, he knew there was no other way.

For all they knew, no one knew they were here, they were locked in a small room or the basement, Finn had two corpses down with him, and Robin couldn’t really walk, and neither could Griffin. Bruce could literally lose his eye, and Robin could tell from blood on Vance’s stomach that he surely had cuts there.

“Alright.. We’ll try breaking the door open again, and you trap the dog- we’ll be out in no time.” Bruce tried sounding lighthearted and determined, but he couldn’t hide the fear and tension in his voice, the fear what would happen, if something went wrong.

“I’ll come to you then.. good luck.”
“You too Finn.. good luck.”

Now Vance finally let go off Robin, who sunk down a bit, and looked at Vance, who tried standing up again. His legs shaked, he fell down again.
“You didn’t need to push me away like that.” he said while taking in a sharp breath, but while Bruce looked at him apologetic, Vance rolled his eyes.

“You wanted to just keep him away. But we need him to get out, otherwise he would still be in the basement.” he said, and Robin just sat down normally again, trying not to put Griffin in a more painful position.

“I want to keep Finn safe, yeah. But I also want to get out of here.” he said, and Vance looked away.
“You hurt me.”

Billy sighed, and Bruce looked away, like he didn’t know how to deal with it, murmuring an apology. Griffin looked, or tried to, at the ceiling.

“Do you think we will start getting bugs..? Corpses tend to get a lot of bugs.. “ he didn’t sound like he actually comprehended what was going on. His fever made him think like that.

Vance finally got up again, his body shaking but he helped Bruce also up, while trying not to step on Billy.
“Well we won’t get to know, ‘cause we ain’t gonna be there when the fucker starts to rot. and..” he took a deep breath in and out. 

“I didn’t mean to push you away thaaat hard.” he just said, and Bruce rolled his eyes.

But they all knew, they couldn’t get more of an apology out of him, for now at least.

Robi just looked down at the vent, but didn’t say anything. Then he looked at Vance.

“Don’t get hurt.. all three of you.”

—---------------------------------------

Robin had only watched, as the door finally was broken down, and the dog didn’t come. Instead, Finn, dirty, skinny and bloody, stood there, his hands shaking.

“You– you guys look terrible..” he whispered, and Vance, only huffed at that, and Bruce rolled his eyes.

But Robin, he tried putting Griffin down, feeling how hot the body of the youngest of them felt, and trying to stand up. He wanted to see Finn.. He wanted to be out of this room. He just needed to be able to breathe.

“Robin! wait,- wait I’ll help you and Griffin out.” Billy offered, as he slowly tried sitting up.

But before the three could even do so much as move, a loud blow echoed through the house.

Griffin shrieked, burying his fingers in Robin’s side, as the heart of the long haired boy began to beat so fast it felt like it was going to explode.
“Is that him? Oh no no no.. he’s gonna get us.” Griffin said, his voice whimpering, until it had gone to a devastating mix between something of a laugh and a cry.

Robin was frozen in place, thousand thoughts at once rushing through his mind. No- no they were so close! No he- he was supposed to be dead. Finn had snapped his neck, he was dead.

But- but who- 

“Sir! Sir, we have- we have found more of the missing kids!” a voice echoed through the house, and now- Robin just tried running.

It wasn’t his mind acting, it was his instincts. He just needed to get out - jhe just needed to escape.

His mind felt like it was turned off, like it was deactivated. He struggled free out of the arms of Billy, his heart racing and his blood laced with adrenalin. He needed out- he just needed to be out.

His sweaty and bloody clothes, the dried blood, it now felt so goddam sticky, like it just glued to his skin. He needed out, he needed to be out!

As soon as Billy’s arm around him let go, he just bolted away, not paying attention the the broke foot or the sharp pain it caused with each step.

Out. Out he needed to be-

It felt like something cut through his foot, the pain so intense and sharp, that Robin could only scream, falling to the ground as soon as he set foot out of the room, the hallway full of people. And then, right before him, stood Finn.

For a moment their eyes met, tears swelling in both their eyes.
It was like, for a moment, Robin now was sure that Finn was alive. He was alive and- he lived.
It was like a hit in the stomach, now seeing him standing between two police officers, his greasy hair, the dirt on his cheeks and hands, the blood on his face, on his hands and his clothes. The heavy breaths of his chest, showing he was more than the corpse he looked like. The wound that he had was being compressed by some kind of cloth he may have taken from the Grabber.

It felt like the moment lasted an eternity, their eyes locked together, looking the other up and down.
And even though pain, sharp and hot, tingly pain bolted through Robin’s body, the only thing going through his mind was if he looked like a corpse or a ghost. And if Finn could even see him.
Maybe the moment he had rushed through the door, he had left his mortal body behind, and died. Maybe he was dead. Maybe this was his last wish. Seeing Finn again, seeing him win and escape.

Then, the moment was over, he fell down to the ground, right on his face. 

The pain, and hot and sticky tears that began to run down his cheeks, as the officers swarmed around him and the others, were proof enough.

Robin Arellano was alive.
He had survived the Grabber. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The hospital staff was.. alright.

He had spent two days alone in his room, only nurses and doctors visiting him, and being in the unknown about the others, about Finn and Griffin, about Bruce, Billy and hell, even Vance, was the worst.

He just started in the room, coutless flowers, roses and toys flooded the nightstand right next to him, a glass of water with a pill stood right next to it. It felt picture perfect. It felt like heaven.

Though his heart monitor clearly showed that his heart was beating, it still felt so surreal. Like he just imagined this in the last moments of his life, as he died in that stupid room.
But he was alive.. It was weird. He felt like part of him was dead.

Then the door opened.

He looked up, right at the warm and yet so much older looking face of his tío.

“Robin! Oh Robin!” the man, his face looked like carved wood, the before slight folds were now like craters.. he looked so much older than Robin remembered.
He just ran towards him, running like his knee wasn’t bad, like he actually could run like this.

Shocked, Robin tried sitting up, some injection in his arm, but yet he couldn’t stop the man running towards him.

"Oh, mi dulce Robin... estás bien... no podría perderte... estoy tan contenta de que estés viva". he cried, while kneeling right before Robin. Big tears fell from his eyes, as he silently thanked god that Robin was alive.

"¿Tío? Tío, estoy bien... estoy vivo.”he hadn’t spoken Spanish in a bit of time, most of the time in the time he had spent in the basement and room he had just cursed out the motherfucker, called his mother and everyone in his family names. But now speaking, speaking with a relative, a person he cared for. He cared for the other boys, for their well being and everything, he cared especially much for Finn, but speaking with his uncle - the man that had raised him when his mother couldn’t.

The man, his eyes marked with heavy wrinkles and deep, black, almost bruise like eye bags.
The man he once had looked up to, the one he thought would never age and always look like he was just thirty, even though the man was almost fifty, looked broken. The tears on his face, the pain and relief he feeled.

Then, the man just leaned forward and hugged him, hugged him and finally tears began to run again from his own eyes. But.. It felt wrong. He flinched as his own uncle just hugged him.

For a moment, Robin’s body just moved on his own, pushing the man that had practically raised him away and looking at him with wide and terrified eyes- for a moment Robin felt like he wasn’t looking at his uncle, but looking at the devil horned mask with the wicked smile of the Grabber.

He knew he had been missing, he knew people would say he was dead. But seeing his uncle, the strong man that wouldn’t even flinch at the most disturbing horror or violence, was broken by his nephew disappearing.  Or at least he thought his uncle looked broken now, but seeing his shoulders fall, the slow realization of what things the Grabber may have done to him. The defeat and yet the anger rising in his eyes, and then the worry darkening his face.

This was how a broken man looked.

He looked away, and his uncle sighed.
“Hey.. the doctors told me they’re gonna release you in about a week.. The police are gonna ask you and your friends a few questions in a bit.” he informed him.
The dark haired man, his skin around the eyes and nose looking like he had cried the nights before, and his silky, long hair that had inspired Robin to let his own hair grow, looked pretty sure as greasy as Robin’s own. But yet it also just looked dull.

“Where is mom? Is she- is she alright? What about the others? Is Finn okay?” he felt awful watching his uncle trying to keep it together. He looked broken and so so angry.

“Oh.. she’s coming soon. She.. couldn’t stand being in the house without you, after the memorial she just went to your tía Maria.” he couldn’t look Robin in the eyes, and couldn't move. Like he feared that if he moved, Robin would flinch away again.

“Memorial? But- wasn’t I gone for.. about two weeks? Maybe.. maybe three?” Robin’s voice was hoarse. He couldn’t tell time in the room. The Grabber didn’t feed them regularly, even his punishments were irregular. He knew, everyone thought the missing kids were just killed- maybe they were and the hijo de puta had some sick fantasy he wanted to live out with them, but it stung. It stung so fucking bad.

His mother, ever since his father didn’t return from Vietnam, was unstable. Sometimes, she was happy and cheerful, like her husband and Robin’s father was still with them, and other times she didn’t even  leave her room.

Robin wanted to understand her. He wanted to. And yet it felt like he was cut again, like someone hurt him.
His mother wasn’t here. He was alone. Why did she give up after such a short time? Didn’t she love him?

“Two.. two months. Your friend.. Finney was gone two weeks after you. We- we thought we have.. lost you, Robin. Your mom was hurting.” 

But I am hurting too.. I want my mom.
He felt like a little kid thinking like this, but he just could not.

He just nodded.
“Finn? What about him and the others?”

His uncle forced a smile on his cracked lips, his underface full of little hairs of a beard Robin had never seen him with.

“Well.. -”

“Vance Hopper! I can’t believe you have done that!” outside of the room someone screamed, and before Robin could even look at his uncle in confusion, the awkward and threatening feeling he had around him be damned, someone else slipped inside really fast and closed the door.

“Erm.. Sorry Mr. Arellano! I didn’t mean to interrupt you and Rob.” Finn looked at the both of them, wearing the same hospital gown that Robin was wearing.

“Finney, I already told you, you can call me Toby, and.. I think it’s for the better if I leave you a bit with him.” groaning in pain, and with a sharp crackle from his knee, the man sat up again, looked at Robin again and smiled.

it wasn’t a real smile. He forced himself to smile because he didn’t want to show his weakness or hurt Robin.
He knew that smile.
He always wore it on Robin’s dad’s birthday. 

Finn slowly approached Robin, and as his uncle had left the room, he just sat down beside him.

For a moment, there was silence.

“It’s weird being alive. I thought.. I would die in that room.” Robin just said, and Finn looked at him with an expression full of sorrow.

“It.. didn’t go so well with your uncle, huh? You.. wanna talk about it?” he offered, but Robin shook his head.

“No.. I don’t. Not yet. Tell me.. what the hell did Vance do? And how did it go with your dad and sister?” Robin was in more than one way similar to his mother and uncle, though he hated to admit it at this moment. He didn’t want to tell Finn that he saw, instead of the man that loved and raised him for nearly his whole life, the man that would almost have taken away this life.
He was hurt.
He had hurt his uncle.
His own mother had to escape the state because he let himself get kidnapped.

Finn nodded, leaning a bit closer to Robin.
“Well.. Vance’s mother, or maybe sister, was storming after him, and held just a bunch of his hair in her hands, and he was walking around looking like a massacred poodle.” Finn told him, and while most people would have expected the two of them to either laugh or at least giggle at them, both just looked at the floor. Their wounds felt like they were still bleeding, like they weren’t allowed to laugh or show the least bit of happiness.

“And dad, he erm.. well had this whole apology stuff again. Telling me he’ll be better and that he is so sorry and everything. Gwen is kind of clingy now. You know.. she was the one that called the police to the place and the house on the other side. Apparently he.. owned both. You know, I tried sneaking away a few times in the last two days to visit you or the others, but Gwen didn’t want me to leave. I could only leave my room today because Dad forced Gwen to go to school.”  he told him, and this actually made Robin not feel so empty.

“School.. that’s gonna get interesting. Apparently they plan on releasing me in about a week.” he told Finn, who just sighed and looked up to the ceiling.

“Don’t remind me.. either people will piss their pants because of me or they’ll -”

“Or you’ll make them piss their pants. ‘Cause ain’t no way I teached you how to fight, just so the three dickheads can think they are the best in the world. But they are not.”

Finn rolled his eyes and sighed, but put on a little smile, though his eyes looked strangely empty.
“I.. I couldn’t have done it without you.” he didn’t look at Robin, but their fingers touched for a slight moment.

Robin felt like he wasn’t broken for a moment.
For a moment, a smile was put on his lips. For a moment he felt like he wasn’t dead.

“I also couldn’t have without you.. And you did great.”

Chapter Text

Finney was allowed to move around the most out of all the survivors.
Yeah now they were the survivors.
Rumor has it - or it just wasn’t out to the public yet - the Grabber was connected to more than the six disappearances. As Gwen told him, she had seen how they carried at least two or more body bags out of the other house of the Grabber.

He had already spoken to Robin, and even though he felt like he needed to cry tears of happiness, it didn’t feel right to do. The two boys had mostly sat in silence, only when the other one needed it their hands had touched. It was only for mere moments, but Finney still felt his hands tingle because of that. 

He had missed Robin, and he did so now.
The Robin in the room, with a cast over his foot, watching the doctor with watchful eyes, like he expected him to turn into the devil, wasn’t the Robin that he once knew.
He was way more careful, more dark. He felt like a ghost in a living shell. Something had happened with his uncle, the man he once had talked so highly about. 

Part of Robin was still locked into the small room. Part of him was still trapped in the basement.
And part of Finney was too.

Walking through the halls of the hospital, as he looked for the room of another boy that had helped him escape.
And for sure, a trail out of blond locks was all over the floor, and a woman could be heard screaming.

“How dare you do this? Mom will fucking kill you!”

“Well good thing I have experience with that!” Vance's voice somewhat felt a lot more familiar behind a door.

He had, as it looked like, locked himself in his room, locked his sister - or so Finney guessed - out. It made him feel nervous and kind of uncomfortable seeing the two of them fight, especially looking at the fact that they only were free again for two years.

“Uhm.. What is going on here?” he didn’t even know where he found the confidence to speak.
Then, the woman with the same blond hair as Vance turned to him.
“Who the hell are you? What’s your deal?” oh yeah, that was definitely Vance’s sister.

“Finney Blake.. I was-”
“You were the one-”

“In the basement. Yes.” his skin prickled.
He knew the glance she shot at him wasn’t unusual.
There was a mix of unsureness, pity and fear.
This boy, this slightly starved and hurt boy was responsible for snapping the neck of the man, who was able to kidnap Vance Hopper?
It made him feel like a monster.

“So.. what is going on?”  he wanted to change the subject. He would really rather know what was up with Vance (though he still was a bit afraid of him).
The woman, maybe twenty one, sighed.
“My pain in the ass of a little brother decided just to chop off a bunch of his hair without telling anyone. And he tried attacking the fucking doctor before that.” she explained, sounding more annoyed. But there still was a bit of worry in her voice.

Finney looked at the door. It looked painfully similar to the door back in the house.
What the hell did the doctor do to get him to react like this? Sure, Vance was an aggressive boy, someone who had more than once physically attacked others. But they all were younger than him.

“Real nice of you, talking shit about me while I am right next door, Amber! Real fucking nice of ya!” his voice sounded raspy, like he had been crying. It sounded tired.

Amber seemed to be set aflame by the choice of words byher brother.
“Do you even hear yourself talking? Well good luck explainen the shitshow on your head to her, because I sure as hell won’t.” with that, she stormed off.

Finney still stood there, wondering where the hell the nurses and doctors were.
“You're still there Blake, huh?” the voice of the loud blond suddenly was a lot calmer now. Like all his anger and frustration suddenly was washed away.
“yeah.. I saw you and your sister walking through the halls when I was waiting to go into Robin’s room.. What happened?"

There was a shallow sound falling against the door. Vance probably was sitting before it and leaning against it at this point. 

“The old fuck - the doctor responsible for me - was looking at my stabwound. Old fuck didn’t listen when I said no. So I lashed out. Then he grabbed my fucking hair. He grabbed my fucking hair like he did. He grabbed my hair like the fucking Grabber used to do it.. I don’t ever want anyone to ever grab my hair like that again.” he hissed. He didn’t sound angry, he didn’t sound like he would care your arm up if you dared to try to grab his hair like that. No.
Vance sounded hurt and broken. Frightened like he was a child.

No- he is a child.
And even if everyone is scared of him, it doesn’t change the fact that Vance is about 15 right now, having been kidnapped just meere days before his fourteenth birthday.

“So you cut off all your hair?”

“I tried running away. Body is still fucking weak though.. I didn’t get far with the scissors and just.. chopped it off. I chopped off the only thing I could.” his voice sounded tired, strained.

“And now you look like a massacred poodle?” he didn’t want to make fun of Vance. If anything, he wanted to cheer him up. He knew how it felt to be trapped in his memories, he had seen it in Robin’s eyes, he had felt it, whenever anyone looked at him in fear.
Because Finney wasn’t a child anymore in their eyes. He was the one who killed the Grabber, the being that took so many more boys than you could count on both hands. He killed it. He was a child no more. He wasn’t better than the monster himself, or at least the other people, the ones who have not seen what happened in the basement, thought like that. And slowly, Finney felt like he began to think like it too.

Vance scoffed behind the door. He was probably thinking about just never answering ever again.
“You are tough Blake.” 

Finney blinked. Where did this come from? WHy the hell did Vance just all of a sudden change the subject- or was he saying this, because what Finney said could count as an insult?
“Huh? What do you mean?”

“You’re standing right before the door, talking to me like I am the fucking stablelest person in this hospital. We both know, this is far from the thruth. You already visited Robin, and you got us out of there. You’re tough. Tougher than me at least.” it sounded like the blond had rested his head against the door, like he was holding back sobs. Finney had never really thought of hearing Vance Hopper sob. The time in the basement, the nights he heard their sobs and pleas, their resistance met by indescribable punishments and violence worse than death, seemed so far away all of a sudden. They were free and yet the man still had a grip on all of them.

Finney felt embarrassed. It was weird. He didn’t like getting compliments by Vance. It felt wrong.
“Your mom doesn’t like you cutting your hair, does she?”
“She’s a bitch, so of course she doesn’t like it. Though she for sure as hell likes to complain about me looking like a girl.” Vance responded. The short moment of him sounding like he was holding back sobs was over.
“But she for sure will be mad at the awul cut.” he added, and Finn looked at the floor.

He felt somewhat of a cameriadery to the others.
Robin and Bruce he knew kind of before, but Vance. Griffin and Billy were strangers to him, until they tried to save his life. Well of course, if Finn got out, they’d too, but they still were rooting for each other to survive.

“I could cut it for you, if you want to. I used to cut Gwen’s hair a ton of times when she was younger.” he offered.
It was weird, but he didn’t want Vance t o get in trouble. He didn’t want him to suffer again- none of them should ever suffer again. Not if he could prevent it from happening.

“You would? I bite if it comes to my hair.”
It - at least for Finney - wasn’t clear, if he was joking. He was still talking to Vance Hopper. And he was for certain that this boy would bite.

But he buried his doubts. He owed it to him.
“Sure. Gwen bites too sometimes.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Vance had opened the door for him, and Finney knew, his description of a massacred poodle was quite fitting.
The room Vance had hidden in was similar to the room he was trapped in for a good time, maybe that was why he practically run out of it the moment he got the chance.

Finney managed to steal a pair of scissors, though he of course planned to bring them back.

He was lucky to be able to brush his own hair, he thought as he looked at what was left of Vance’s curls. It was matted, and even though it had been clearly washed and tried to get through with a bush, it was still matted with big knots. It also was longer than Finney had ever seen on a boy. It reached down to almost Vance’s belly button! At least the parts he hadn’t chopped off.
He had asked how long he wanted it, and Vance had more or less said Finn should do what he thought was right.
So Finney cut it, and it felt weird cutting the hair of the infamous Vance Hopper. It was like a trademark for him, right next to his  sleeveless jacket and the pinball machine.
But now it was about chin length.

“Doesn’t look too bad.” was all Vance said, clearly a bit overwhelmed with everything. Finney guessed, he wasn’t used to someone being as nice to him as Finney was right now. And being honest, he had never imagined himself helping ‘Pinball’ Vance Hopper either.

“Thanks.. is it alright if I leave now? Apparently we’ll have to talk to the police later today and I want to look after the others.” Vance looked at him, frowning at the mention of the police.
“Oh the cops are gonna show up? That's gonna be fun.. fucking shitheads. But yeah..” he looked away, for a short moment he looked at his hair left in the sink and looked in the mirror. His wound on the nose still was thick and red, but began to heal. 

“Bruce is just down the hall.. I Don't know where Billy or Griffin are.” it upset him, Finney heard it in his voice, but he nodded.
“They are on a different station I think.. But I’ll say Bruce you said hi, and them too.”


—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bruce Yamada. The boy Finney had never talked more than the standard “good game” to, was now opening the door excitedly for him.

“Finney! I’m so glad to finally see - I know I know it’s weird saying see, you know what I mean - a familiar face.” Several plasters or bandages were tied over the gigantic cut on his face, and Finn was pretty sure it had been stitched up. Bruce was the only one he'd visited who seemed remotely normal.

Robin seemed like a shell of himself, like he was still mentally stuck in this room. Vance was desperate and aggressive, hurt, and a lot more insecure - or maybe he always was. Maybe Finney just never knew because he had never known Vance before. Perhaps the mask of strength and aggression was nothing more than that, a mask. Finney didn't know.

"How are you? I wanted to come by earlier but Gwen wouldn't let me." it was strange to talk to someone other than Robin as if he had known that person for a long time.

But he didn't know Bruce. He knew what allergies the boy had, where he lived, what he was wearing the day he was kidnapped, his height. But the two had never really spoken to each other. Still, the burden of Bruce's life rested on Finney's shoulders.

"I don't like having one eye covered.. at least I'm not completely blind in that eye." he sighed and sat down on his bed.

Finney sat down in a chair.

He was sitting next to a desk, lots of paper and something written on it.

"You've written a lot since we got here."

"Oh yeah.." Bruce scratched the back of his head and sighed.

"I wrote down a lot of things. I'm starting to forget things, from the basement, it all gets hazy." he said.

Silence spread between the two.

Finney himself noticed how things in the basement looked kind of washed out. He knew what had happened. He still had the image of the fight in his head. The image of the ax being dug into the skull of an innocent man. To be honest he just wanted to forget it all.

“Isn’t it better, if we just.. forget it? It’s over.” he didn’t want to remeber it. He would be happier, if he could just forget it.
He didn’t want the images of cracking skulls, the crying of his friends and the hands all over him. The crack of the neck and the haunting silence afterwards. He didn’t want to remember. But he couldn’t. He wanted his head to just block out these memories. He didn’t want them.

Bruce shook his head, though he almost looked ashamed of it.
“People will ask about it, the police, the news, our classmates and everyone. Even if my parents try to not tell me everything that happened while we were trapped, Amy told me that after you disappeared, after six were taken, the news got even more involved. They’ll try to get their hands on every statement we will make.” he told Finney.

It felt like he was drowning in himself. Like he just sunk deep inside of himself.
Everyone would constantly remind him. Everyone would remind him and the others of the worst time in their lives.
“You almost sound.. excited.”

“I’m not.. not really.” Bruce didn’t look at him. 

“When are they going to release you?” he just asked, trying to move the conversation in a different direction.

“I think I can really go in  about a week, Robin’s going to be released at the same time.” Finney liked it better like this, talking about what was in front of them and what would be coming soon. Not about the past. Not about the basement or the way too small room.

The boy across from him looked surprised.
“You already visited him? How is he?”

Finney didn’t want to lie.
“Not so good.. something happened between him and his uncle, but I don’t think he did anything to Robin. I also saw Vance, so.. hi from him.” he leaned against the chair and Bruce looked a lot more worried than before.

“Are you sure? Before the Grab- I mean he kidnapped us, we thought he was nice too.” Bruce looked uncomfortable.

He felt terror creep over him. But he shook his head.
“You.. you couldn’t see how much he searched for Robin, I don’t think he slept the entire week before I was gone, he searched the woods, streets, every place he knew Robin could go to.. I don’t think he could hurt Robin, even if he wanted to.” He didn’t want to think he could hurt Robin. Finney trusted Mr. Arellano more than his own dad actually. He didn’t want to believe, someone who seemed to love their child so much could hurt their child the way the Grabber hurt them. It didn’t sound possible.
But then again his dad said, he loved Finney and Gwen, but he didn’t act like it.

Bruce didn’t look as convinced, but nodded.
“And Vance?”
“He cut his hair.. and had a fight with his sister.”

“Oh? He has a sister too?”
“Yeah.. I was surprised too, I didn’t think he was the guy to have a big sister.” Finney forced a smile, because Bruce smiled too. He didn’t feel like he deserved to be happy. He didn’t know if he ever again deserved to be happy.

“He was kind of protective and took care of us, though. He can be good.” Bruce said, and Finney nodded. Though angry, Vance still was a bit scary. 

“I thought he’d be the one to kill him, to be honest.” Bruce said, and Finney pressed down his lips.

People had believed that maybe when Bruce was kidnapped, he was the one to pick up a rock. Maybe he had found a chance to show the Grabber his fast ball, something he had used to win games when he was younger. People wanted to believe the sweet boy, the boy everyone loved would come back. But he didn’t. Finney wanted to believe Robin would come back and kill him. But he didn’t.

“Well.. we are back now. I’m going to look after Griffin and Billy in a minute.. I want to talk to them before the questioning.” 

Bruce nodded, let himself fall on his bed.
“Getting released is weird.. I feel it hasn't even been a day since we broke out.”
“Time is weird.. but we’ve been out for two days, I think.” Finney reminded him, and Bruce smiled.

“I like being out. Even if my eye isn’t as good as it used to be.”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Griffin and Billy had been put in the same room, more or less because the two desperately denied being put alone.

Griffin was the first in the room, he was alone, and then suddenly came Billy. So of course, the two bonded. Especially because Vance was the one who was the longest down there, so they only had each other for a long time.

Finney knocked on the door, waiting for a response.
He knew from Robin that the two were the most sick ones, they even feared Griffin would die on them before they could leave, and to add to the pain, both of his legs were broken. Billy had bad infections in his wounds, as far as Finney knew.

But still, Billy opened.

For a moment, he looked puzzled as to who Finney was. Right. He didn’t really see him, he only heard his voice.
“Hey.. It’s me, Finney.”

His eyes shined a bit, and he nodded.
“Finney! Come in.” he stepped aside, and Finney walked in. The room was a bit bigger than his own, and bigger than the ones he had seen Robin and Bruce lived in. But it made sense, two people lived here.

Griffin was still lying in bed, and Finney even questioned if he could stand up on his own. After all, his legs were broken, and even Robin had problems moving around with only one foot.

He knew it was awkward not only for him, but also for the others. They weren’t as close to him as Robin was, and in contrast to Bruce, he had never talked to Griffin or Billy before. He didn’t know what to say to them, or how to make them happy like he did with Robin. But he wanted to. These boys had saved his life, and he had saved theirs.
He owed it to them.

“So.. how are you? i already talked to the others and wanted to istsit you two too.” he decided to be open, and sat down on a chair next to BIlly’s bed, who also sat on his bed and sighed.

“It’s weird.. feels absolutely strange to be in such a big room and to know I can leave whenever I want to. Griffin is mostly sleeping..” he told him, and looked at him. It felt like Finney was being scanned.
“I didn’t think you’d look like this.. though - Robin like the bird was his name, wasn’t it?” he tilted his head slightly, and confused Finney nodded.

“Yeah, Robin was his name. Didn’t he tell you?”

“I’m kinda bad at remembering stuff in the basement.. names especially. I only really remember Griffin’s name and maybe my own. Sometimes it’s better, sometimes it’s worse.” there was a heavy silence between them, then Billy added: “Anyways.. Robin kinda told us how you look like, he talked about you a lot.. at least after the shock wore down that we weren’t.. dead.”

Finney looked away. He felt his heart beat a bit faster because of this. Robin thought about him in literal hell. Maybe he thought, the last thing he’d think about would be Finney. But luckily, it wasn’t his last. Robin was alive- he was here with Finney.

Again there was silence between them, but this time it wasn’t as heavy. It was more comfortable. They didn’t need to talk so much, they could just enjoy the company. Not being alone.

“Will Griffin come too to the questioning?”
“quet- oh the thing with the officers? Yeah, I think. I just hope they don’t try to linger too long on the stuff you-know-who did to us. I’d rather forget it.” Billy sighed again, this time falling backwards on his bed, similar to how Bruce had done it.

It was a relief to know, he wasn’t the only one who just wanted to forget. It was over, they should just be able to live their lives in peace. They deserve this after everything they went through.

“Glad to hear you think so too.” he didn't exactly want to mention how Burce was dealing with everything. He didn’t understand it. He didn’t like it, and he felt uncomfortable with it. But he was sure Bruce wouldn’t like too, if he heard Finney was calling himself a killer.

a killer like the Grabber.

Billy smiled at him, slightly and not really big. It wasn’t a big and happy smile, it was more something of comfort. Something showing he was glad to not be alone.

“Billy..? We got a visitor?” there was a small, tired and still weak voice.
Well, they all were still weak. They all were still malnourished and sickly thin, and they all were still sick. But they were far more stronger than back in hell. Their scars finally had begun healing, even though it was only a bit. 

Finney turned in the direction of Griffin, who looked at him, like he had seen a ghost.
“Finney, I’m Finney.” Finney swiftly informed him, and the boy nodded. They all had problems smiling. It felt like they did not deserve it.

“I feel like I have been sleeping for days.” the youngest of them all yawned and tired sitting up just by the help of his arms.
“Probably because you did, you weren’t even fully awake to eat.” Billy shot back in a teasing manner and Griffin rolled his eyes.
“I’m tired.”
“You better not fall asleep during the questioning later today.”
“That’s today?” he sounded spooked by it, looking at Billy and Finney like he expected the two of them to say something like ‘April Fools’ or something, but Finney nodded. 

“Yeah.. that’s why I wanted to look after all of you.”

“That's nice of you..”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The nurses brought them to the front of a room. Vance was already sitting on a chair on the left side of the door, while Robin sat on the right side.

“Finn cut your hair?”
“For the fucking hundreth time Arellano, yes.” the blond one grunted annoyed, while Robin looked just surprised. He still had this empty look in his eyes, the look that made Finney’s heart ache.

“I just wanted to help, no worries Rob.” Finney sat down next to him, sligtly trying to guess why Robin seemed to have bothered or annoyed Vance.
Robin nodded, looking at him and putting on a smile. No. It wasn’t a smile, it was less than that, his eyes didn’t have the soft wrinkles around them like they always had when he was smiling. It was weird seeing him looking like this. But at least he was here, he was with Finney.

Bruce was the next one to arrive, next to him were Billy and Griffin, the still pale looking boy pushing the others wheelchair, as he couldn’t walk for now.
“You don’t look as terrible as I remember.” was the first thing Vance said to them, then he looked away. Did he realize what he said could be hurtful, or had he just kind of cut himself off from the others? Finney wasn’t stupid. He knew the boys had expected they would die. Hell, Finney himself had expected this for himself.

“Charming of you.” Bruce rolled his eyes, but sat down next to him, as Billy rolled Griffin next to Finney and then sat down next him. The boy looked so small in the wheelchair, and yet there was the bandaid over his neck. It made Finney shiver a bit, thinking anyone would be able to hurt someone like this. But the monster had hurt so many more.

“At least the nurses bring us extra sweets because of it.. It feels like forever since I last had a candybar.” Billy told them, and Bruce nodded.

Because it’s been forever , Finney thought but didn’t say out loud. It wasn’t appropriate, he thought. He didn’t want to make the others think back to any of it more than before.

Then the two officers came, a detective and officers, whose name’s Finney just missed. But he was pretty sure he had heard about the two of them from Gwen. Weren’t the two in school the day before Gwen had been beaten by their father?

It was tense. Especially Vance sent daggers in their directions, stopping only to either try to swipe away tears no one even thought of mentioning or to look at the others.

“We know this is going to be heavy boys, but how did it happen?” after questions about what he had done to them, how he made them lose the game and then would beat them and then throw them in the room, and how they finally were able to communicate with each other after the paint – or whatever the Grabber had put over it - had finally worn down.

It was embarrassing. Painful. Finney hated it, and he knew the others hated it too. Why did they have to do it?

“Why? We’re out. That’s what matters.” Finney spoke up, and the two looked at him. He had mostly repeated the things the others had said, well excluding the curses and shit Vance threw at them. But he had mostly been quiet, only adding details to the fight- more or less willingly.
Bruce was actually the only one really talking, though it was clear the words often got stuck in his throat.

The older seeming one sighed.
“There are more missing cases connected to the Grabber. At least five more missing kids.” he explained.
“We have the permission of your guardians to ask you these questions. And it could prevent more kids from being kidnapped.” he finally said. His voice had something urgent and yet heavy in it.

Finney remembered the fear spreading through the neighborhood and school as the first kidnappings occured. He remembered the school saying to be careful. But nothing could have warned him to not help a man who seemed just clumsy. The man was a magician. He worked with children. Why would anyone think someone like this could be the Grabber? He had worn a mask. A mask tricking everyone.
The people had said, to not talk with weird people, people that seemed off. But the man didn’t seem off at the moment, and Finney cursed himself for thinking like this.

Griffin in the back just looked like he wanted to sink in his chair and never come up again.
Vance looked like he was ready to just beat up the two of them.
Billy seemed to just have blocked out completely, like his brain had turned a switch off and he wasn’t there in the moment.
Robin had curled his hands into fists, looking as angry as Vance did, but at himself.
Finney felt like he just wanted to turn back the time. He wanted all of it to never have happened.
And even Bruce, the one who was the most talkative of them all, looked away from the two officers, at a nurse standing right next to the door.

They were actually quite happy about their parents not being present, and even Finney, who felt a kind of resentment for his father, was glad he didn’t need to hear about what had happened to them. Because part of Finney had just begun to realize what really had happened to him and the others.

“Detective Wright, Detective Miller, I think it is for the better, if the boys can take a break. Mr Showalter isn’t there mentally anyways.”

Oh it wasn’t an officer, Finney thought. Maybe he had mixed it up. He looked at Robin, who had begun to close his eyes.

The two detectives nodded, writing down some sentences, and that was it. They asked to speak to the boys again, later the week or sometime sooner, but the nurse shut it down, saying the boys needed time to heal.

Before they all could go back to their rooms, Bruce looked in the direction of the cafeteria, looking back at the others.
The questioning had taken a few hours, especially since for the first like thirty minutes, all they did was nodd when asked things.

Did he hurt you?
Did he starve you?
Did he.. things you didn’t want? That question almost made Robin throw the question at their heads, if they had asked for being kidnapped, but Vance was first and even put an asshole right after it.

“You guys hungry?” Bruce asked them, and Finney looked at Robin. He had always eaten lunch with Robin, maybe Gwen or Donna if it was possible. But never with Burce Yamada. But maybe things did change, after they survived a situation together, five others did not survive.

“Fine with me, but I’ll throw up and kick someone in it, if they try to give us fucking eggs.” Vance was the first to agree. Then came Griffin, pleading with Billy, saying it was boring in the room. And since Billy and Griffin were like a two for one deal, the other of course came with him.
Robin nodded to Finney, who then also agreed. Because they too were a two for one deal.

_—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hospital food suddenly seems like heaven.” Billy had picked out some noodles with a tomato sauce, Griffin only took a yogurt. Vance had a sandwich. Finney had seen earlier, that there was the possibility of buying extra special food, including sandwiches, and since none of them had money, and Vance certainly had no charme, Bruce probably got it for him.
Latter had also a plate of noodles, but his sauce was neatly next to it, not all over it like Billy’s.
Robin and Finney had gotten sodas, grape and orange, as well as yogurt. The only yogurt they had was either plain or strawberry, and they all had chosen strawberry.

Vance took a bite out of his sandwich and looked pleased at it.
It was mostly silence between them, they didn’t know what to talk about.
They were strangers to most of each other. So Finney only took small spoonfuls of his yogurt and listened to the failed conversation starters of the others. This situation was different than the one they have met in. Now was no danger.

Finney looked around, Robin had started talking about all the horror movies he probably has missed, and seemed to have found there at least a middle ground for Griffin and Bruce to engage in. Apparently Griffin really had enjoyed reading horror stories in his free time, and even thought about writing his own. This made Vance join in, though it mostly was a comment about how if Griffin ever were to design something, it’d end up terrible, because he was bad at drawing. Finney chuckled, looked back to the others and agreed. He couldn’t draw too, at least if it wasn’t for like projekts like building a rocket. He was only good at science stuff and baseball. 

“Looks like I am the only artist then, aren’t I?” Vance had eaten his sandwich now, placing the paper it was wrapped in on the table, making Bruce sigh and put it on his own, now empty, plate. 

Finney looked at Vance in surprise, and Robin in shock.
“You’re an artist?”
Billy tilted his head.
“You ain’t the guy vandalizing some walls all over town, are you? I remember an article about that.” Vance just grinned, but shook his head. It didn’t convince the paperboy.
“I am just drawing on paper.”
“Legally he isn’t allowed to say more. I bet Wright and Miller are somewhere also having lunch.” Robin grinned at Finney, who for the first time couldn’t hold back a legitimate giggle.
Bruce too grinned a bit.
“I didn’t know you had any other muse than your pinball machine.”
“Oh fuck off Yamada. I’m not some kind of two-dimensional dick whose only characteristics are being angry and liking pinball.. And coming to the topic, Blake, is my record still unbroken?” Vance himself seemed a lot less tense, and Finney was sure to see a slight smile on his lips.

The pinball machine had been of course the top spot ever since Vance had disappeared. It almost was like people tried summoning him through playing on it, even if it normally was the time he’d be active on it. He had seen a lot of boys, even Matty and Buzz at some point, trying to break Vance’s record. It never really was broken, and then there was the rumor that that was because of Vance’s ghost haunting the pinball machine. Kid’s even made up “The curse of Hopper”.

“Well, people think you’re a curse.” Bruce looked surprised at Robin, who chucked down his soda, then leaned back. 

“I thought that was a stupid joke. Don’t tell me people really thought there was a curse on the pinball machine.”
Vance leaned forward, his eyes having a certain shine in them, a shine none of them have ever seen in his eyes. God he liked people thinking he cursed the pinball machine.
“They thought I put a curse on the pinball machine? Oh fucking god that’s amazing.”
“Vance what the hell did you do to make people think you can put curses on objects.” Griffin seemed interested and horrified at the same time, while Billy just shook his head, muttering that the guy was crazy.
“I may have beat up some kids.”
“They’re alive, right?” Billy looked at Vance, who almost laughed. Then there was a shadow over his face.

The atmosphere changed all of a sudden. He looked like something had just hit him. Without saying anything, he just stood up. He left without looking back at the others.

Billy looked at the others.
“Did I say something wrong? He didn’t kill the kids, did he?”

But Finney suddenly had an idea what may have set Vance off.
He probably was referring to the two kids Finney had seen him beat up. The two he beat up before he went missing.

He looked at Robin, who pressed his lips together. Bruce also seemed to remember.
Griffin and Billy were already missing, even thought to be dead, when it happened.
Finney had opened the door for the officers arresting him. There it was again. That heaviness on his chest. The suffocating feeling. It was there again. The happiness of the moment was gone.

“No you didn’t.. or at least you didn’t want to. Maybe.. we should just go back to our rooms.” Bruce suggested finally, and Finney nodded.

For a moment it felt like they could be friends, like they really could be friends. And maybe they really could. But now there was it again. The shadow of the Grabber lingering over them again.

Even in his grave, he’d continue to haunt the boys. Maybe their whole lives.

Chapter Text

 It’s what all of us do. Survive.

He felt it over him. The weight, the grunting.
He struggled, he fought. Like he and the others did so many times.
He felt disgusting. It wasn’t just his body hurting, it was his everything that hurt. It was his self-esteem, his mind slowly breaking. It was numb, like his mind had just blocked out everything that happened.

He was powerless, and only after the weight had faded, the tears on his cheeks slowly beginning to dry, the full realization hit him. How could he let this happen to him? Why didn’t he stop it? Just why? Why was a fucking human being so sadistic? Words weren’t enough to express what had just happened, and he knew no words would ever be enough to explain how he felt.

He wanted to cry. And he did cry. But something felt different than before. He.. he didn’t feel like everything could kill him, like one wrong move could be the end of him or the others.

Then it hit him.
He had escaped. He and the others had escaped this place, they had survived while the Grabber had not.

Finney opened his eyes. And wished he never had.
The basement. The basement was before him.

“No, no no.” he whispered, looking around like it was the set of a movie or something. But it wasn’t. All around him was the basement with its ugly and haunting dark walls, the blood on the mattress and a shape in the shadows.
Wait.. a shape?
It was just watching, watching as Finney felt like he was about to lose his mind.

“Don’t just stare at me, freak! I killed you, I killed you and left this fucking place!” with shaking legs, Finney stood up. He didn’t feel pain, but all over his mind was this feeling he hated so much. The touch of the Grabber.

Were the walls closing in on him?
Oh god it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

He was trapped. Trapped in the basement.
Then he woke up.

Finney knew, this nightmare wasn’t peculiarly bad in comparison to the nightmares he had had while he was still alive. But.. this one was different.
Sure, he knew he had bad dreams whenever he woke up, but he didn’t remember them since he escaped. The images of blood, guts and broken skulls were past, he had told himself.
He didn’t dream of getting brutally murdered like characters in a horror movie anymore, nor did he dream of the Grabber.

But he dreamed of the things he did to him.
He dreamed of food – the barely salted and over peppered eggs and the stale soda – right in front of him, but always it was just out of reach. He dreamed of skulls getting broken in two, right in front of him. He dreamed of hands all over his body, looks at places he did not want anyone to take. He dreamed of the screams of Robin and the others, and no matter how much he ran, he could not reach them. He dreamed of Gwen, watching her through glass as she slowly let go of him, watching as their father abused her. Watching her whole life play out, only for the basement to fade back into his view to remind him, he’d never be able to watch it. Because he was as good as dead in this place, while Gwen was alive.

He took a deep breath in and out, shook his head and tried to swallow the bitter bale and tears in his throat. It did not work.

He looked around his room, the night still there but his eyes were used to the dark. He could see a small handpicked vase full of flowers Gwen had brought him, get well cards from his classmates and newspapers his father had forgotten to take home with him again. Maybe he wanted Finney to start reading them, so they both could pretend everything was normal.
He knew only maybe Donna meant her card, and the others were semi forced by their teacher or their guilt to write them. He didn’t read them either way yet.
He knew they didn’t care about him, so why should he care?

Suddenly there was a knock at his door, and even though he should know better, he just said :”Come in..”, because the person clearly knew he was awake.

It was Bruce.
Bruce who looked like he had just as bad of a sleep as Finney did. Bruce who had felt like absolute shit since Vance had just left them. Bruce who Finney feared to talk to, because he did not want to disappoint him for whatever reason. He needed to deserve to be the one who killed him, the one who freed them. He needed to be strong and brave, because he had fought and slain a literal monster, but all he did feel was fear and emptiness. Like everyone but him deserved to be out.

“You can’t sleep either, huh?”
“Just woke up from a nightmare.. you?”

“Me too.. “

For a moment Bruce just stood in the open door, until Finney gestured for him to come closer.
It was awkward. They were awkward.
But it somewhat felt good to know he wasn’t alone with the nightmares. Because in all of them he was always alone.

“So.. -” Bruce cut himself off, realizing they had nothing to talk about. He seemed to just have realized Finney wasn’t keen on talking about his nightmares. And at least he understood that.

“Do you have any hobbies besides.. baseball?” the boy finally said, and Finney looked at him, his heart still beating way too fast for a normal interaction between two.. acquaintances.
“I like space.. and am relatively good in school. I used to help Robin in math.” he told him, and Bruce put on a smile. It looked wrong.

Finney sighed.
‘We’re never going to escape him, are we?’ he wanted to say, they were already outside of the basement and the room, and yet he knew they weren’t. Their bodies may be free, but their minds were still trapped inside a room or basement of their own.
But all he said was: “And you..?”

The boy sat quiet for a moment, like he had to think about what his hobbies were.
“I liked driving with my bike, or meeting friends at the arcade. It was always.. fun to go there. Though the soda in there is terrible.” he chuckled. Finney nodded, putting on a smile of his own, even though he didn’t feel like smiling. It just felt like the right thing to do so.

“I was there just a few times.. the floor was always sticky because people just always spilled their soda.” he answered, and Bruce laughed. Like he really really laughed. It sounded.. real.

“How can you laugh like that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Like.. we’re friends. Like nothing happened.” he laughed like this with Robin, and Robin only. Maybe Gwen, but then with her was the feeling of guilt. Because he git kidnapped she was alone and without anyone. She had to deal with finding him and the other missing kids herself. And even though she said it didn’t matter, she had big circles under her eyes. She didn’t sleep.

Bruce looked at him, the bandage a nurse had put over his eye looked off. Then he shrugged.
“We.. could be friends. I mean, Griffin and Bill already are. You and Robin already were. I don’t think Vance can admit it to himself, but he cares about us too.”

It's a weird thought, Finney thinks. Even absurd. People probably expected them to part ways after the hospital. Like the experience they had was nothing but that, and now that it was over, a new chapter had begun. And if Finney was honest, he wished he could just flip the page and start a new chapter. Just forget what was written down there, forget all the hurting and fear, the sound of skulls breaking and his best and only friends screaming in pain. The screams, tears and begs of the others.
And yet, the thought of beginning to be friends with them, not just being polite because it was the right thing, seemed.. nice.

He took a deep breath in, breathing out through his mouth and then looked at Bruce. It wasn’t like he didn’t hear the suggestion before this. He just.. didn’t recognize it as such. As a real request to be friends with Bruce fucking Yamada.
“That.. would be nice, I guess. Just school will be.. interesting to say the least.”

“Don’t think about school.. it’s going to be quite the difference. Hell, some of us will for sure have to repeat their grades.”
Bruce said, and Finney let out a dry laugh. It felt kind of real, still not fully though.
He had tutored Robin all those months for nothing then. At least their parents wouldn’t give them a hard time for it, no one would. Because they were the survivors.
The five other boys, whose name Finney didn’t even want to learn, before them were just bones now. Why were they so special and had survived?

“We’ll.. survive I guess, that's what all of us do, don’t we? Survive.” Finney finally answered, and Bruce nodded.

It didn’t feel as awkward talking to him anymore, yet his brain couldn’t grasp that the baseball prodigy Bruce was talking to him. But he could tell Robin something at breakfast at least.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And then we.. just talked. It wasn’t as weird as I thought it would be.” he told Robin, as both of them sat down in the cafeteria. It was still early, not many people were even up at this time. But neither of the two could sleep, so they decided on early breakfast.

“Bruce was nice.. he wasn’t as loud as Vance, nor as sinister as Griffin sometimes. So it’s alright. But.. why didn’t you come to me? It doesn’t bother me if you wake me up. I can hardly even sleep myself most nights.” he looked at him, kind of like a lost animal. Like he was fearing to be replaced.
But Robin would never have to worry about that. He held a special place for Finney. No one could ever replace him, no matter what they’d do. Robin was, next to Gwen, his number one. No amount of money, affection or whatever someone thought they had to offer him, could change that.

“Are you getting jealous?” he looked at him. For a moment he didn’t know if he teased Robin or if he really thought this.
“In the end you’ll leave me in the rain because of another baseball player.” Robin pouted, clearly having it interpreted as teasing.
He chuckled, a sound escaping his throat so unexpected he almost didn’t catch it. Wow. For a moment the guilt washed off of him. It felt great.
“Not as long as Bruce plays in my rival team. Otherwise I’d end up dead.” he grinned, even though the smile on his lips didn’t fully reach his eyes.

It was weird. Sometimes he felt like guilt, fear and just.. disgust over what happened to him washed over him. And the next moment, like a switch had been turned inside of his brain and all of those emotions had just been turned off. He only ever noticed it before the moment was gone.

Robin smiled too, shy and a bit unsure. It was benew to see Robin like this.  Finn knew Robin didn’t believe sometimes if he really was alive. He sometimes thought this was just a life his brain had made up to calm him down before dying.
He always had this look in his eyes. Like he was waiting for the illusion to break and the terror to consume him. Like he was there but his mind was still trapped in the moment he was escaping the room and running towards him.

“I’m real. You are alive.”

“W-what?”

“You’ve got that look again.. I’m real. I’m alive. And so are you.” he reminded him, and Robin looked down on his plate. A piece of toast with a bit of cheese and salad on the side was on it.
Finn had gotten himself a bowl of cereal.

“How do I know?”
“If I am alive?”
“Just ask me. I wouldn’t lie to you.” he said, took a spoonful of his cereal and Robin nodded and took a bite out of his toast.
They still didn’t eat enough, he had overheard a doctor say that to his dad. Apparently their stomachs, or minds, weren’t used to all the food. Finney just thought that it was weird to have all this food, all these different kinds of foods at all times, was what confused them. They were used to one plate of oversalted or over peppered eggs with stale soda once a day. And this in the basement. He didn’t want to know the conditions of the room. He knew they were worse. Far worse.

For a while, the two stayed silent and just ate. Sometimes Robin asked something and Finney answered. Sometimes it was the opposite. It felt natural, not forced and yet so alien. He never thought of eating with Robin again.
It was awesome.
“Do you think they’ll keep their word about the release?” he looked up at Robin, as the only thing left in his bowl was the milk.
The dark haired boy only had started eating the toast now. First was his cheese, then the salad and then the bread. He looked up at him with those beautiful dark eyes, which missed the light inside of them.

“When did they say it was again?”
“About five days ago I could talk to you again.. I think in two days then.”
“Man, it’s been about a week? Miller and Wright have been really quiet since their last questioning. But I hope so. Nothing against the nurses here, but I am glad to be in my room again.” he tried joking, and Finney found himself smiling again. It just felt so natural with Robin. Like it just belonged that way. 

“I hope Gwen didn’t touch anything in my room.. or dad.” he sighed. He could imagine his father freaking out, searching for any clue where his son might have gone, praying to a god he didn’t believe in, that his son wasn’t in the hands of a devil hiding amongst humans.

“I don’t think so.. at least Tío told me they didn’t let anyone in my room. Because there was no evedince that could make anyone think we would have left willingly.” he finally said.

Finney imagined Gwen trying to block any police from going into his room, her little body blocking the door while their father screamed at her to let them in, because he didn’t want to believe that Finney had been taken.

“ Did your mother show up by the way? I know she wasn't around when we could get visited by our relatives." Finney truly cared about Robin. He knew it took a toll on the boy when his mother seemed to have just vanished. And as far as Finney was concerned, his uncle couldn't calm him down because of this. 

"Apparently she and my uncle talked on the phone. She's trying to get back, but there are a few problems. He told me she'll be there when I get released. But I think it'll take more time." Robin looked at his food, sounding disappointed yet he tried to put a fake smile on. He was telling himself it was fine, even though it wasn't. But neither Robin or Finney were ready to accept this. Both of them just wanted everything to go back to normal, even though it was impossible. Nothing would ever be normal again. 

Later that day, the six boys met again. It wasn't planned nor was it unpleasant.
It was just that Robin and Finney had heard from a nurse that there was a room with a couch, a few books and even sometimes a TV was on for the children.
So both of them wanted to check it out. Gwen, since she wasn’t planning on ever leaving Finney’s side again, followed them. Like a little duck, Robin had said.

She had come after school, by the looks of her backpack still on her back she didn’t even stop to drop it off at home.
“Dad knows I am here, I told him before he dropped me off at school.” she told him, as they were walking to the room.
“Dad’s letting you walk home alone?” Finney raised an eyebrow. He felt his stomach drop a little. What if another devil was just lurking in a van or car, waiting for a little, unsuspecting girl to stumble by, so he could take her? It made his mouth go dry, and he closed his eyes.
He needed to remind himself that Gwen wouldn’t have just walked towards a man like that. She would have run, run as soon as she realized something was wrong. She wouldn’t have asked about the black balloons. She would have known.
And yet he felt like he was about to throw up just thinking about the possibility. He’d be ready to kill. Kill the guy who even dared to look at his sister the same way the Grabber had looked at him and the other boys.

“I told him Amy would come along.. and for half the way it was true! But then she became a chicken and ran off. She’s.. nervous about Bruce. She thought he’d be dead, and now she can’t look at him without feeling guitly about that.” she told them, and Robin looked at him.

People had started moving on, he realized. Like they were just a chapter in their lives that could be turned over and be rewritten without them. Finney looked away, but took his hand and pressed it reassuringly. He didn’t know how, but somehow.. even if it didn’ feel like it, they would move forward. They had to. There was no going back.
“Don’t walk alone. It’s dangerous.”
“Finney, I can take care of myself, I’d know-” Finney looked sharply at her.
They had thought he was safe too, didn’t they?
Gwen almost would have told them about her dreams, but Finney shook his head and let go of Robin’s hand.
“I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t want to see your face on missing posters. I don’t want to see your name on a gravestone. You don’t walk alone.” he insited, and for a moment, Gwen seemed to have realized how hurt her brother really was. How terrified and broken.
Maybe this was the moment she realized the Finney she once knew had died in the basement, or at least part of him.

She sighed and just nodded.
“Alright, I won’t walk alone.” she agreed, and Finney felt like he could breathe again. He didn’t realize he had put his hands on her shoulders. He swallowed, let go and looked at Robin again.

Without a word, Gwen walked a bit before them, and Finney looked at the floor. Right foot, left foot. Right, left.
“I wasn’t too harsh, was I?” he whispered in the direction of Robin, who looked at him and shrugged.
“You said the right thing. She’s safer that way.”
For a moment, relief filled him and he felt his mouth twitch upwards. It was a short motion, something someone could easily miss, but Robin saw it. He had it too.
And as quick as it came it was gone.

In the room, both expected to be alone. It was still early afternoon, most patients would have family visits by now, but to their surprise a blond head of curls was seated on the redish couch, as well as a black haired boy with an eyepatch over his eye.
Golden boy Bruce Yamada and ‘Pinball’ Vance Hopper sat right next to each other, a window open as well as the door.

“I swear to fucking god, if those are another bunch of little shits staring at us like fucking animals I’m going to- Finney? Arellano? Who’s that little kid?” Vance, who held a comic in his hands, looked up. Bruce seemed to have just closed his eyes and sighed.
“Vance, you aren’t healthy enough to beat someone up. Your stitches would burst.”

Finney looked at Robin and Gwen, who just stood there surprised. Robin still leaning into his crutches, but looking with some kind of fondness at Gwen, as she realized just who was sitting on the couch,
She always had admired him, mostly because she thought no one would be strong enough to hurt him.

“That’s my little sister, Gwen. Gwen, those two are-”
“I know who this is. Didn’t spend weeks searching for them to just forget their names.” Gwen looked at him, kind of offended, but with a bright smile on her face. Even though Finney still felt too guilty to smile, it was great to see her do it.
Gwen had tried finding them, searching for them in the night or rain. And in the end she had found them. She had saved them.

Robin, visibly exhausted from walking around with the crutches all the time, walked into the room and sat down on a chair next to a table with board games.
“Finn, Gwen, come here. You can later tell them how much of a fan you are of Vance.” he teased, and Gwen looked like she was ready to throw a pillow at him.
Gwen looked visibly embarrassed, while Finney even laughed a little. It was such nonsense, so fucking stupid and yet so.. so funny to just tease Gwen.

Vance, who now had put his comic to the side, looked at the trip confused. He just skipped the part of him being literally an idol for Gwen.
“You.. searched for us?”
“I mean.. who didn’t? Though.. I was the only one who in the end found you.” she, her cheeks still a bit red, told them, and then looked at Bruce. For a moment it was like she had guilt washing over her, her eyes watering slightly, but then she shook her head and just hugged Finney.

“I just needed to find my brother and you. It’s nothing too special.” Gwen wasn’t used to anyone really knowing about her actually finding them as well as the bodies of the other missing boys. The police, in her words, were very specific about keeping it a secret.

But Finney didn’t want the others to not know.
He wanted to acknowledge what his sister had done for them and how she had saved them. At least those boys, the lives she had saved, deserved to know. They didn’t need to know about her dreams, those were family business, but at least that she had saved them.

Bruce now opened his healthy eye, looking at Gwen with surprise.
“You’re about Amy’s age and.. thanks.”

Again Gwen fell silent. Then she nodded.
“i’m sorta friends with her- she has homeroom with me.” she took a deep breath in, then looked at Finney for a moment, until she looked at Bruce again. “And Amy wanted me to tell you that she’s very happy that you are back. And that she’s sorry for.. not being here as often.” it sounded like Gwen was reading from a note.

Bruce, visibly surprised by this nodded, like he didn’t expect it. Amy had visited him, at least to Finney’s knowledge, just a few times. It wasn’t comparable to the times Gwen had visited him or Amber even (when Vance didn’t act like she didn’t exist), but it was clear that he cared at least a bit about her.
“Thanks Gwen.” he smiled a bit. It was honest. 

Vance groaned, grabbed his comic again while Finney sat down next to Robin and looked at the board games. They would have to do something, at least.
“Nice with all the reunion stuff, glad that not all of us have shit ass sisters. No need to rub it in.”
He didn’t know what was going on at Vance’s home, nor did he really want to know.
the basement had destroyed all illusions of the strong and unbeatable ‘Pinball’ Vance Hopper. He was a hurt, frightened and traumatized kid. Just like all of them, even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

If Finney didn’t know any better, he’d think Vance was a tad bit jealous. He probably was.

Silence fell, only small and quiet chatter as Finney, Robin and Gwen started playing cards and Vance and Bruce occasionally critizized how they played or how fucking dumb it was that Robin was costantly losing to either Finney or Gwen.
Then footsteps, or rather the sound of someone walking and a wheelchair being pushed, would be heard from the hallway.

“Why can’t I call you Bill?”
“My Dad is called Bill.”
“So you’re William Showalter the second?”
“The second -? Griffin, we’re not royals.” he seemed amused and yet a bit annoyed, like Griffin had asked him the same question before.

Then two heads appeared in the doorway, Billy and Griffin looking quite surprised at the other five kids being present.
“OKay, which nurse has told you the room would be free?” Billy sighed, looking sharply around.

“Wait- a nurse has told you too about the room?” Robin looked up to Vance and Bruce who just shrugged.
“I’ve had my piece here for the last three days. Seems like kids still think I’m the devil in person”
“You scared them by acting like a total psycho.” Burce corrected, and Vance grinned, clearly proud of himself for that. Then his face darkened and he rolled his eyes. Like a thought had run through his mind.
“It was nothing, Yamada. I’ve done worse things and look at me. Still fucking alive.”

Robin looked at him, and Billy looked at the floor.
The six hadn’t alked to each other in a group since Vance had stormed off from their breakfast. He knew Billy and Griffin had spent the last few days together, sometimes talking to him or Robin or Bruce.
Bruce talked to him, mostly when both of them had sleepless nights because Finney was too afraid of the slightest possibility of disturbing, maybe the slightest good sleep Robin might have gotten.
Bruce just hung around Vance sometimes, though the blond liked to be alone.
And Robin, he always was with Finney.

Adults weren’t really let to them, since their first encounters with family and male doctors didn’t go so well. So most of their nurses and doctors were female. 

So there was a notable, uncomfortable silence between them all. The desk in front of Finney suddenly seemed really interesting.
Until Gwen spoke up.
“Are you six.. uncomfortable around each other?”

“What do you mean?” Bruce tilted his head, while Vance looked away. More annoyed than Billy or Griffin, who just seemed embarrassed. Robin just looked at the cards.

“You’re all so fucking tense. Like you don’t know each other at all.”

“Because we don’t. We just came together trough a fucked up situation, your brother saved our asses, we saved his and he just so happened to kill the motherfucker who did it to us.” Vance groaned. He noticed how Finney flinched at the mention of his action and looked away.

Finney felt a sting.
He had almost forgotten he was a killer. Sure, it was for self defense, saved countless lives and the one of his best friend. But it felt like he felt the cord of the phone around his hands again. The grunting and choking of the grown man pressed against his back.. then came the crack. The bones breaking and the life leaving the monster.

“You could’ve done it too. I just- I just was lucky about the vent. And Gwenny, he’s kind of right.” Why would he be the one able to kill the Grabber? It was just luck and coincidence.

Robin sighed and shook his head.
“You don’t have to feel bad about what you did, buddy. He deserved it and if anyone in school gives you a hard time for it, I’ll be right at home giving the crowd the show they've been missing.”
Finney nodded, smiling slightly.
Robin had always been his protector, and Finney would make sure no one would find him less intimidating because of the crutches he would have to wear for at least a few weeks.

“But you don’t have to act like it’s physically painful to be around one another. You’ve got to at least tolerate being around the others.  In school  they’re gonna put all of you in the same classes or something because of all the stuff you missed.”

The kids fell quiet.
It wasn’t unlikely. Sure, Bruce and Vance were technically the oldest and Griffin the youngest, yet they had all major gaps in their schooltime. Griffin, Billy and Vance more than a whole year.
Bruce looked worried about it, while Vance had a grimace of anger on his face. Finney looked at Robin, while Griffin and Billy looked at the floor.

“We’ve got that buddy, school in a few days won’t be as bad as we think it’ll be. I hope.” Robin tried cheering him up. But his eyes made it clear he wasn’t all too sure about that.

This made Billy and Griffin look surprised at them.
“You two are getting released in a few days?”
“In like two days. You don’t?”

“No fucking way, Griffin isn’t allowed to walk around, I’ve only started recovering from the infections and am just allowed to walk around without having to lay down later that day or something.” he sighed.
“I wish I could leave the hospital again. I miss my dog.” he added, and Griffin nodded. 

“We’re only getting released in like a week too, because of our stitches.” Bruce leaned back against the couch, and Vance just rolled his eyes.
“It’s not like I’ll be paying attention in class either way or anything. But seeing the Grab’n Go again will be pretty sweet.”
“I guess seeing my teammates again would be great.”
“My room for sure has like a big There's a layer of dust on everything." Griffin said, and Billy rolled his eyes.

"Don't blame me, but the way you're taking care of our room, the layer of dust was there before- Ouch!" before he could even finish his sentence, Griffin turned and punched him.

"You aren't even allowed to do that!" Billy complained while Griffin just gave him an offended look.
"Blame yourself."

Gwen looked at Finney as if trying to ask with her gaze if this was normal for the two of them.

He just shrugged while Robin struggled with a deck of cards to open it.

Someone, presumably Nurse Mary, told them all the room was free. And so they were all here now. So.. they had to pass the time somehow.

"Do you two want to play games? There must be two chairs left and if those two move closer together on the sofa, Griffin could sit there."

"Go to hell, Arellano. And by the way, what do you want to play with the cards anyway? Poker?"

Finney looked at Vance, who snorted as the whole room looked at him.

"Fucking Christ, that was a joke."

Gwen took the cards from Robin after he couldn't seem to open the package. Finney could tell she was excited but was hiding it pretty well. Then she opened the cards.

"These are Uno cards. I'll deal them out. Who's playing?"

At that moment, five hands were raised, and after Bruce persuaded Vance that he had apparently already read the comic several times and that it couldn't hurt if he just played along a bit, a sixth was also raised. He was clearly reluctant at first, which made Griffin and Billy quite nervous, but it all went away as soon as the first round of UNO began.

At first it was tense. Especially when Robin put down a seven, and Vance hit it.

But he didn't freak out, just threw deathly glares around him as he cursed and drew two cards (which he ended up winning with, by the way, and rubbing it in everyone's faces).

One round became two, two became four, and four became so many that Finney gave up counting at one point.

It felt surreal how the seven of them were just playing. Of course there were curses against whoever started putting a seven or the card symbolizing the next player had to pass, Robin had at one point started cursing in Spanish and it had Finney just laughing.

He really laughed. Laughing so hard he could barely hold himself up, his stomach hurt and he just couldn't stop. At that moment, the puzzled faces of Billy, Griffin, Vance and Bruce while Gwen could barely contain her laughter.

He felt like a child. Like a normal thirteen year old at that moment, just like someone who hadn't experienced what he had.

Finney Blake laughed for the first time in weeks. And by Robin ARellano. Gwen Blake, Bruce Yamada, Billy Showalter and Griffin Stagg.

And finally Vance Hopper.

Chapter Text

Being driven to school by his father was something Finney thought he’d never experience. He thought the same about getting kidnapped though, and he knew that this sadly happened.

“You’ll go after school to the hospital with Robin and Gwen?” his father asked. He had been quiet for most of the ride, sometimes looking at Finney who sat besides him in the front.

“I promised Bruce to bring him the notes of what he has missed… So yeah.” it felt.. awkward. Talking to his father and him actually caring. And him at least trying to be sober, he admitted. It wouldn’t be surprising for Terrance Blake to be driving around drunk with his kids, but this morning the only thing he drank was orange juice.

Gwen, who sat in the backseat, leaned forward.
“And Amy and Susie will be very happy to see you. And who’s driving Robin?”
“His uncle I think.” Finney wasn’t sure if Robin’s mother was back yet, and even then, he was worried. She, even though she didn’t know, kind of left Robin behind. So he only had him and the others to deal with it.
And that wasn’t the best kind of support, Finney had to admit.

Vance sometimes absolutely ignored their existence and could be set off by literally the smallest thing.
Bruce wrote down every detail he remembered from the basement and was the only one giving the police interviews.
Billy kind of ignored it and tried hiding his scars, while Griffin was training to get his legs working again, so that he at least could walk around with crutches.
Robin himself sometimes admitted to Finney that he felt like he should be dead. That he died in the room, his escape being only a fragment of his imagination to comfort him while he took his last breaths.
And Finney? He wished he could just.. turn back time and prevent Albert Shaw from ever being born. But he couldn’t. So he just.. tried swallowing all kinds of guilt, fear and terror he felt whenever his mind traveled back to the basement. He had enough sleepless nights as it is. He didn’t need to spend his days swallowed by those nightmares.

Their car stopped in front of the school. A few kids were looking at them.
Finney swallowed and looked at his dad.

He wasn’t the best at emotional stuff.
“Try your best in school and don’t get in trouble.”

“I will.. see you after school. Come on Gwen, let’s head to class.”

—--------------------------------------------------------------

School was something Finney would have loved to leave behind. Not because he didn't necessarily didn't like to study, more because of the other students and his teachers.

They looked at him like he was some kind of animal in a zoo, like he could snap at any minute and attack them.
He heard their whispers.
Heard questions on how he did it. How he was able to survive, while it was rumored that Vance and Robin were killed. Sure, this wasn’t the case, but they still looked like it was hard to believe.

And yet, even though it terrified Finney to some extent, it also made him feel.. powerful. His bullies looked at him with fear and something like respect. Their eyes avoided his. They avoided him in the halls amd the yard
It felt like a dream.

“Seems like those assholes have learnt their lesson.” Gwen grinned, as she walked besides Finney over the school yard. At one point, Donna joined them.

“Hey Finney.. If you want, I can give you the notes from our classes.” she offered, without any of those glances, without worry or fear she smiled at him.
It was surprising and for a moment he didn’t even register it.
“Wait- really?”
“Yeah, duh. I had to do all the stuff on my own, and my notes are by far one of the prettiest in the whole class. I’m not even sure if anyone but Matt or Buzz can read their own notes. So.. yeah.” she reassured, a bit taken aback by Finney reacting like this but she played it down.

Maybe it was easier for her to deal with it like this, pretending it never happened. And Finney was fine with that.
He enjoyed it.

“Oh.. that's nice. Thanks Donna.. hey, can I take those notes to the hospital? Pretty sure even if any of them paid attention this year, they could use a bit of a refresh.. especially Robin.” he asked, and Donna nodded. He could see a bit of curiosity light up inside her eyes as he mentioned the others, but she still kept quiet.
“Yeah sure. By the way, we got a B+ on our biology project.” she told him, as the three walked towards a bench and sat down.

“We did?” he didn’t mention the question if they got a.. y’know bonus because he got kidnapped and people thought he was dead, but Donna nodded with a proud smile. Even Gwen smiled. It finally felt normal.
“Yeah we did, though I wasn’t as good as you at some stuff, explaining why it isn’t an A.” she acted like he was just sick. He nodded, and looked around.

“Hey, I think Robin’s here!” Gwen called out, and Finney felt himself somewhat loosening up.
Rationally he knew Robin would come here safe. He was pretty sure his uncle wouldn’t let him out of his eyes for a moment, and yet he just now realized how fucking tense he had been.
Like Robin could have just been snatched up and been gone again.

A crowd of kids, not so close they could be called off, but close enough to be suffocating, formed near the school gates and Finney saw him walking through them.
Robin was here.
He was safe, for now at least, Finne caught himself thinking. He tried pushing the thought away.

There wasn’t anyone left to kidnap them on their ways to or back from school. The haunting sound of bones snapping, the troubled breathing and sounds of him trying to claw himself out of the cable of the phone were enough proof.
Finney had killed someone and he remembered each and every haunting second.

Yet, he raised his hand, signaling to Robin where they were at, almost smiling at his friend, who suddenly seemed so lost in the crowds he once used to amaze.

Now the fights weren’t the spectacles anymore, not his amazing skills, his confident demeanor or anything Finney found so admirable about Robin. Now the crowds of students were drawn to him because of the missing posters, the memorials inside and outside the school, the speeches held at empty graves because they never found any bodies. Because these kids weren’t dead.

But deep down, they all knew some part of them died the day they were tossed into the basement. Some part of them died, taken by claws and teeth, sickly sweet words mocking their pain and screams, their sobs and cries. The Grabber had taken part of them with him into hell. And as Finney looked at Robin, the boy who once seemed to not get enough of the cheers of his peers, who was ready to draw blood to ’get his point across’ when dealing with racist assholes and bullies, now seemed so small and fragile. A shadow of his former self.

Now Finney understood the stares.
He wasn’t just a killer, he also looked like he had been murdered himself.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“School’s weird.” Robin told him, as they walked through empty school halls. It wasn’t like anyone really wanted to force the two to be apart, especially on their first day back, and when one needed a moment outside of class, the other was called.

Finney nodded, the memory of the lone week before he himself had been taken and Robin had been gone, seering through his mind and leaving a burning hot pain.

“Matt and his goons beat me up. Right on Friday, after it was sure you - after it was sure he had gotten to you.” he told him, not looking him in the eyes. It felt wrong to not tell him. Yet it was awkward, as they just walked.

Finney had needed a moment outside of class, the stares and whispers of his classmates had gotten to a point he felt like he couldn’t breathe. So he asked to get a moment outside. The teacher didn’t even ask Finney if he wanted to be alone or if Robin or anyone could come along. She just got Robin and the two could walk. Of course they weren’t allowed to leave school grounds, but they wouldn’t be so stupid.

“What dickheads..”
“Yeah.. pretty sure they’ll leave me alone now. After all, I killed a guy.” he said, trying to sound light headed, but especially the last words had a bitter feel to it. Robin knew he felt guilty. That he felt awful and shitty about it.

“He deserved it.”
“I know.” his voice said he did, but yet there was still it holding him.
“You saved us.”
“I know.. It's just.. I can’t get it out of my head. I should feel happy and proud for finally standing up, literally killing the guy who took so fucking much from me, but.. It’s shitty. It isn’t because it was him, but because he felt and looked human.” his throat felt like no word could escape him, but Robin shook his head.

He just took Finn’s hand. No one could see them, class still in action everywhere, as they two came to a stop.
No words could comfort Finney right now. Robin knew that.
Because Finney knew he wasn’t in the wrong. The Grabber deserved it and had it coming, and yet Finney felt like he was about to throw up everytime he thought about it.
He knew he needed to kill him to save him and the others, to avenge those who couldn’t be saved and had died to his hands.
Yet he couldn’t.. get rid of the guilt, of the looks and feeling like a monster himself.

Because the others couldn’t have taken him down. Finney was the one to finish the job, kill him and.. deal with it.
He was glad it was just him, he didn’t want Robin or Bruce, hell any of the others to deal with it.

Robin didn’t respond, just looked at something on the wall.
Finney felt a lump in his throat.

After the first boy in their district had gone missing - Griffin,Griffin had gone missing, Finney corrected himself, their school had put up a memorial.
Billy followed on it and so did Vance, Bruce and Robin. Finney too, he knew it, but now looking at it, their pictures had been taken down. Unknown boys, five boys, looked at them, some smiling and grinning, while others seemed to be annoyed at having to take a picture.
Those weren’t the kinds of pictures you’d put on a missing person poster, those were personal and deep.

Those were for mourning and grieving, to feel that gut drop and your throat shut close.
Those were the boys that were taken before them.
The threat the Grabber would always hold over their heads and play with, how easily he could end their lives, if they didn’t obey. Of course, at first Finney believed the threat to be Robin, Bruce, Billy, Griffin and Vance, but seeing as they were alive, those were the threat.

“They died a while before Griffin.. before he took Griffin. Before all of us.” Robin didn’t look at the pictures, just at the dates on a little gold plate, accompanied by their names.

Loren Grey, missing since 02/28/76
Jay McGinty, missing since 04/12/76
Frank Martins, missing since 09/14/76
William “Billy” Loomis, missing since 10/29/76
Johnny Boler, missing since 11/07/76

It made his throat hurt, but imagining himself, Robin or any of the others still being there, because they never escaped and all died, like Robin sometimes felt like, was worse.

“We got out for them.” Finney said, clinging onto this exact belief. Somewhat, a faint ringing, the ringing of a phone came to his mind, as he remembered the basement. He needed to believe it. He needed to believe that those other boys, those boys that with a bit less luck could have been him and the others, didn’t die for nothing.

Robin nodded, his gaze telling how far away his mind already was. Then he swallowed and looked at Finney.
“Billy will freak out, because of the other Billy.”

Finney nodded, trying not to recognize any names, any boys he once played baseball with before they moved away or saw at the arcade. It was easier this way.

—-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lunch was hell.

At least, for Finney and Robin it felt like it. The glances, the whispers seemed to be even more than before. Luke at lunch they all realized that they were back, the whole school was now staring at them.
Some wary, some in awe and some, like Moose, Matty, Matt and Buzz with something like.. anger.

They didn’t understand exactly what they went through, and it made Finney feel bitter. It made him angry. They didn’t know they fear, the terror and the disgust Finney and the others felt.

“These fucking..” he heard Robin whisper, and Finney just nodded. The people that didn’t like them wouldn’t just magically apologize for every slur or shit they threw their ways, Finney knew that, and Robin had to know too, yet it felt simply ignorant of them to act this way.
“They want you to be mad.. Don’t let them get to you.” Finne said, as he often had been the voice of reason between him and Robin. Though, he couldn’t deny the feeling of needing to punch Buzz or any of those jerks. Yet he stayed calm. they already thought he was like the Grabber. He didn’t need to give them more reasons for comparisons.
“I’d beat them in a fight.”
“Your leg is still healing.”
“I don’t care. If these dickheads think they can pull that same shit again and beat you up, I’ll deal with them myself.” he looked at the little group darkly, who possibly just sat together because of their hatred for Finney and Robin.
“Let’s just sit down.. Please. There are Gwen, maybe some of her friends, and Donna. She’s giving us her notes, you know.”
Robin rolled his eyes, yet he obliged. “Like we don’t have to repeat the year, but, it’s nice of her. I’ll give her that.” he sighed, and Finney smiled at him.

Robin had, for some reason, always been a bit cautious about Finney and Donna interacting. One night, in the basement, after everyone - besides the two of them of course - he had admitted that he.. was scared he would be replaced. Finney had told him that night that Robin was someone he could never replace, and he really meant it. Robin being gone, he just couldn’t imagine that. He didn’t want to.

The two of them sat down, though it was noted that not only were the eyes of - at least it felt like it - the whole room on them, but also the two friends of Gwen seemed especially nervous.

One Finney recognized as Amy Yamada, Bruce’s younger sister.
The other then had to be Susie - Suzie? Finney wasn’t sure, he just knew about her since Gwen spoke a lot about her.

Gwen smiled at the two boys and Donna started to look for a few notes in her bag.
“Later in chemistry we could possibly write a test, but I don’t think you or Robin would have to take it. It’d be pretty stupid.. but you know. Teachers.” she sighed, put out some notes from apparently the last classes, and from his side, he could see Robin pale up.

“I swear to god, if they are going to have us take that god forsaken test..” Robin quietly grumbled while taking the notes from Donna, and nodding at her as a thank you. She nodded back, putting on a slight polite smile, as she looked towards Finney.

“The others didn’t give you two too much trouble, did they?”
“No.. not really. Just staring at us and whispering way too uncomfortable questions.” Finney told her, and she nodded.

Amy looked at him, kind of nervous.
“Gwen said you’ll bring.. like the notes from today and such to Bruce.”

“Yeah, do you.. want to come too?”

For a moment the girl looked quite scared, shook her head.
“Just.. do you know when he’s getting out of the hospital?”
“ I think he mentioned in a bit, probably about one or two weeks from now, not so sure. He didn’t say an exact date.” he shrugged, and Amy nodded.

Gwen didn’t even seem to take much notice of her friend acting weird like this. She was looking and talking quietly with her other friend, though admittedly, she was mostly watching her talk and eat. It was.. Finney found it cute, how she acted this way, and if he would tell her, she’d deny it with all her heart.

Robin was asking Donna some stuff about chemistry, cursing under his breath at some moments, and Amy was still looking quite nervously at Finney.

“Can you tell me.. when he’s getting released, if you know when?”
“Yeah, sure.” he found it a bit weird, Amy not wanting to set a single foot in the hospital to talk to her brother, even though she said she was sorry about it. But he couldn’t really judge her.

She had probably thought Bruce was dead. Gone, never to be brought back. And now he was back. It was the same for a small part of Finney. That Robin maybe was dead, no matter how much he didn’t want it. It hurt.

And maybe, Amy Yamada was hurting too, and didn’t want to look her brother in the eye because of that.

Finney looked to his side, to Robin. He was trying to understand what Donna had written down, and Finney knew that Robin probably would understand it, if he hadn’t missed so much of school.

Maybe he looked at him because he needed to convince that small part of himself, and that part of Robin, that part that still thought he was dead and never escaped, that they indeed did it. That they survived.

Or maybe he just looked at Robin, because he looked so normal in this moment.
They had tried to put it all away, though after school, back at home or the hospital, things would get messier. Because the feeling of guilt would be back, and he’d have to tell Robin all over again, that they were alive.

But Finney didn’t mind telling him that. Because he cared for Robin. He’d always be at his side to tell him that.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a few weeks, school didn’t feel like being in a zoo anymore. People started to get used to them again, even though after slowly the others, Griffin now being allowed to walk on canes, similar to Billy and Robin, and Bruce and Vance, were being released out of the hospital and put into school again, the gazes were back for a few days.

Amy was, as Gwen told him in-between of her gushing over her friend Susie, especially awkward the days Bruce was at home again, and still was scared to talk to him. Finney already knew this, Bruce had told him and asked if he did anything wrong with his younger sister, and Finney could always just say that it needed time. He didn’t want to tell on Amy, or rather said use all the trust his sister had given him, so he had just said that she just needed time to adjust.

And she probably did, but so did Bruce, and it’d be helpful, if his sister was around. Because the boy was hurting too. He got visibly sick, if others asked questions about the Grabber, yet he always answered. It wasn’t healthy.

After school, he had asked Finney to stay, because he’d have to talk to his baseball coach, and something.. heavy was in his gaze. He still wore the eyepatch.

“Is everything okay with you and baseball?” he asked, as Bruce was obviously fidgeting with his shirt.

The whole day he had seemed pretty nervous and anxious. Finney at first had thought the older boy had to do another interview with the police, media or anything. He always said yes, and Finney didn’t know why. It made him obviously ill and he, no matter what he said, hated it.

“It’s.. I probably will be- no most likely, not be able to play anymore.” he finally said, and Finney looked at him.

It didn’t feel like he was able to understand what Bruce just said.
He was the baseball player in their age group, people already whispered what colleges would give him a chance to study there for basically free, for the chance to have him play in their teams. It may have been just typical kids and teen gossip, but part of Finney had wanted to believe it.
Bruce was a good kid, he deserved something like that.

But once again, the Grabber had taken this away from him.

“Wh-what?”

“I lost almost all of my sight in the eye. I- I was lucky it didn’t have to be removed. But I can just barely out of it.” he sounded hurt, and yet he swallowed all of it.

Why did Bruce do that?
Was it because he acted, like everything was fine, when it really wasn’t? Because he acted, like the basement didn’t traumatize him and vanished all of the light inside of him?

It wasn’t fair. It just.. wasn’t fair.

“But can’t you.. I don’t know, like train to play with just your other eye?” He didn’t want for him to not only have taken away so much of Bruce, and by extension all the others, and now even from the grave continue to do so.

Bruce shrugged, acting like it was nothing and yet it was visible how much he was hurting.
“I don’t know Finney. Maybe in the future, but also maybe, I’ll never be able to play again. I - I have to focus on school and everything else.” He hid it again. There was more to it.

But Finney wasn’t brave enough to ask him about it.
Maybe he’ll never be brave enough to ask him about it,

“I’ll wait for you, until you finish talking to your coach then.” He finally said with a dry throat, and Bruce nodded stiffly along.

“Thanks.”

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finney was waiting near the baseball field of their school used for training and also almost every other sport.
The one, where he and Bruce met for the first time, was at a different place and used for other games too.
He was leaning against a wall, until he heard footsteps approaching.

Were those teammates of Bruce? Unlikely, since it wasn’t the time for training; as far as the dark haired boy had told him. Additionally those were too few to make up a whole team.

A lump formed in his throat as he saw the group of people approaching him.
Of course, for fucks sake.

Matty, Matt and Buzz.
Coming right at him, with that look on their faces.

Why now?
They had left him alone for the last weeks, only throwing daggers at him and Robin with their glances.

“What do you want?” It was new for him to stand up to them, or at least not just run away and hide in a toilet stall. Even if some part of him screamed at him to do so.
But he couldn’t leave Bruce alone.
Who knows what could happen if Finney looked away.

“You finally separated from Arellano? It was like you two were sewed together at the waist by that creep.” one of them teased. It made Finney sick.
Sure, he knew the scare factor of him.. having killed the Grabber would wear down, but he had hoped it would have lasted longer. (Maybe until the guilt and terror would have fated, but of course, his life wouldn’t grant him this simple wish).

The three circled him, and Finney felt the little hairs on his neck stand up. He wanted to get out of that situation as fast as possible.
“You shouldn’t joke about that stuff. The guy was a monster.” Was his response.
He wasn’ the little boy anymore that could be cornered and beaten by them that easily, the little boy who just accepted his fate.
No matter how scared he would become of himself.

Matt pushed him back against the wall. It was uncomfortable.
“And what are you going to do about it? Snap our necks? Or send your little guard dog Arellano after us? Or one of the other unfortunate idiots?” he provoked, and Finney’s gaze turned darker. He didn’t like others joking about him to begin with, but the other boys, it was another kind of inappropriate.

“Stop it, you assholes.”

It surprised the three of them visibly. Matty the most, while Buzz seemed the most angered about it.
“So you learned how to open your mouth? Did the Grabber also teach you that -” It was like something snapped inside of Finney, a distant ringing of a phone filling his ears.

He hit something. A crack filled the air, then a scream.

He had landed the hit right on Buzz’s nose.
Blood dripped over his hand while holding his nose.

Finney froze, looking at his own hand, before Matty and Matt attacked.

Hot and white pain seared through Finney, as the both of them pushed him to the ground, while Buzz was still holding his nose.
Kicks followed, though they were aiming for his arms, hands and legs. Even as Finney tried standing up, the kicks would just bring him down again, only to be hit in more vulnerable and hurtful places.

He wanted to call out for help, for Bruce or for anyone near, but he couldn’t. His voice was trapped in his throat, afraid and scared.
Just like he had always been.

“Hey, you! Stop it!”

The kicks stopped, and Finney could finally dare to open his eyes again.

Bruce Yamada was running towards them with a fucking baseball bat.

Chapter Text

“Finney! What happened there?” Bruce threw away his bat, as he came almost running towards Finney, who by now was simply sitting on the ground, watching as Mat, Matty and Buzz ran away, frightened by Bruce’s more or less sudden appearance.

He looked at him, then at the running silhouettes of his bullies. He didn't exactly know how to react. It didn't feel exactly real, it didn't feel like it happened. Even with the bruises on his body forming, with Bruce next to him and the blood dripping from his nose. 

It didn't feel real.
Sure he felt the red, hot and slightly sticky liquid drop to the ground, he felt his body ache from the kicks. Especially for a few moments it felt like he couldn’t breathe.

He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate himself on the things that were important. He wasn’t really injured, he was sure of it. After all, those three did like to beat him up, but never went as far as injuring him gravely. They were too scared of the consequences.

It felt like hours passed by, as he slowly calmed down, opened his eyes and looked into the worried brown eye of Bruce.

“Thanks, I think you scared the shit out of them.” He slowly tried standing up, but his knees felt too weak. Probably the shock, since he wasn’t expecting to get attacked today.

Bruce held out a hand for him, helping him stand up and scanning over him with a worried glance. 

“What was that?” He asked again, looking in the direction the three boys had sprinted off.

“Matty, Matt and Buzz.” He answered truthfully, wiping away the blood from his face with his hand. For a moment he just stared at the red on his hand. Memories of the basement invading his mind, times he bled, and the two times he had made the Grabber bleed.

He took a shaky breath, forcing away those memories. Guilt bubbled up in his stomach. He was happy the Grabber was no more. Part of him was happy that he had been the one to take his life, yet there still was the fear of him.. being like him. 

The black haired boy shook him out of it, before he could have spiraled deeper down the shit-show that was his traumatized mind.

“I think.. Robin mentioned you having problems with kids like these.” He approached the topic carefully, not mentioning the room or anything related to it. Yet Finney knew exactly what he meant. It was clear Bruce didn’t really know how to deal with what had happened. How could he? He maybe wasn’t the most popular in school, but he was close.

He looked at the grass beneath his feet. The blood from his nose was clearly visible on some parts and some had dropped on his clothes.

“We thought they’d stop. They had left me alone for weeks.” He explained. How could he feel so stupid, so naive to believe that they would just leave him alone? They hadn’t stopped even with the threat of Robin, they had attacked him harder than ever before after Robin was kidnapped , after they had believed him dead. They didn’t care about any of them, they didn’t care about what had happened to them.
They probably had just waited for a moment to strike. A moment when he was alone.

Like him. Like him they had waited until he was alone. LikehimLikehimlikehimlikehim- 

“How did the talk go?” Finney felt himself close to spiraling again. He tried to get rid of the thoughts, of the comparison of literal children and a monster his mind had drawn. So he thought it would be better to be distracted.

Maybe it was the wrong distraction though, since Bruce seemed to flinch slightly.
“It didn’t go.. really bad, like he didn’t scream at me or anything, he just said.. he already thought something like this might happen, but that I am always welcome to join back in, if I want to.” His voice broke slightly, and the yearning to just continue and not look back was there.  He just.. couldn’t. Not right now, and Finney knew how he felt.

“You can train with me.. if you find the time and want to, you know? You don’t have to play professionally right now, but at least for fun.” He offered an idea that just came to him. Finney couldn’t stand any of them looking so down, still being affected by him, even if Finney himself still was just as affected. But he liked to dream, he liked to imagine that maybe someday they could all just forget it and move on.
It was wishful thinking, naive and dumb, but who could blame him?

Bruce looked back at the field, an absent look in his eye and then he nodded.
“That sounds.. alright. But let’s get back. I don’t like staying out for too long.” He sighed, and Finney nodded.

“Hey.. I know the others will have questions, but could you maybe not exactly tell everything? Like.. that they waited ‘till I was alone? I don’t want to worry Gwen or Robin too much.” He explained, and Bruce nodded.

“Yeah.. yeah no problem. Just don’t lie to the others, alright?”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He didn’t walk home alone. He’d be stupid if he did, even if there wasn’t a kidnapper walking around in Denver at the moment. He’d know, because he always checked now. At least.. there weren’t kids reported missing in the same way they had been reported missing back when it happened to them.

And he was spiraling again. Ugh, Finney shook his head, trying to focus his mind on something else.
His homework, preferably.

He was sitting in his room. Gwen was in hers, probably also doing her homework or playing with one of her dolls their father had bought her after they came back home. Home. Could he really call it home, when he still couldn’t trust his father?

If he still had to check if there was alcohol in the home, if his father had already fallen back into old habits?

A knock on his door distracted him from the English homework.

Without waiting for an answer, his father entered the room, looking awkwardly at the furniture until his brown eyes landed on his son.

Finney.. looked away, back to his homework, then at his father.

He knew his father did indeed try to keep his promise to him and Gwen. But, Finn thought bitterly, he had broken it before. So why would he keep it now? Terrance Blake had been too caught up in his own grief and addiction that he couldn’t care less about the well being of his own children.  Had, in fact, rather harmed them instead.

Who could blame him, if he didn’t trust his own father?

The man, sober though clearly struggling with this concept, sat down on Finney’s bed, looking at him.

Since his release from the hospital it had been difficult for Finney to understand his father. He couldn't tell what was going on in his mind, though that had been difficult even before.. the whole kidnapping situation.

“Finney.” He started, avoiding looking at his son.
Probably because he knew how he had hurt him and Gwen. Maybe he even blamed himself for what had happened. And.. maybe partially Finney did too. Sometimes, deep in the night he wondered what would have went differently if Terrance had been the same loving and caring father he had been before his mothers suicide. Before he turned to alcohol to drown his own demons inside of him. Before he started seeing their mother in Finney and Gwen, and started abusing them. 

Finney didn’t answer, just looked at the floor and sometimes in the direction of his father. He didn’t know how to act around him. Sure, when he was drunk Finney knew exactly what was to do: stay quiet, don’t make a mess and be on your best behavior. 

But now? His father was.. almost being a father again. He knew he went to.. he didn’t know where to be exact, but he knew his father this time really did try to stay sober. But once again, Finney didn’t trust it. 

His father took a deep breath in and out, making Finney slightly flinch. He was annoyed, and while rationally Finney was pretty sure his father wouldn’t strike him now, the part of him that was used to the abuse he endured for years clearly believed otherwise.

“I know.. I wasn’t the best father to you or.. Gwenny.” He could barely say her name, and Finney gripped his pencil tighter. How could his father now act like he felt so bad about what happened? He had hit her, beaten her. He.. shouldn’t get to act like this.
“And that you have.. pretty good reasons to be angry at me. Both of you do, and while it frustrates me, and I just wish we could go back to being a normal family.. I know that it isn’t as easy on you or her as it is on me.” He started rambling, maybe expecting Finney to stand up and go over to him, to hug him, Finney just.. couldn’t. He was frozen on his stool, sitting in front of his homework and staring to the ground.

Don’t get him wrong, he was happy that his father was willing to change, and for once it actually felt like he was trying and wanting to be better than before. But in Finney.. there still was some contempt. He.. couldn’t forget how his father had acted. How he had neglected them and compared them to their mother, how he had broken their trust so many times.

Finney had survived something traumatic, something that changed every aspect of his, don’t hold it against him that he wasn’t buying the ‘I-want-to-change-and-am-so-sorry-for-the-way-I-treated-you’-act. He wished he could buy it, he wished he could just go back to trusting his father, but he couldn’t.

Again his father sighed, uncomfortable with the tension in the room.
“Just.. talk to me, if anything.. or anyone has been bothering you, okay? I want the best for you.”

“Do you think anyone is bothering me?” Finney’s voice.. held a mix of emotions, and yet he voiced them very carefully. He still thought of his father as a ticking time bomb he didn’t want to set off.

Silence fell. A heartbeat passed.

“Your arms are bruised.” Terrance answered finally. Slightly Finney touched the spot his father was referring to, and looked at one of the posters on his wall. Space themed, of course. Maybe he could set off a rocket later with the others- wait. Would they even be interested.

“It’s nothing that I can’t take care of. Hit one of them back.” He hoped he broke his nose too. Though.. he didn’t directly hit back, he started getting physical but they had started it verbally and made something inside of him snap.

Again. Silence. Awkward tension as his father struggled to find the right words. Instead it was Finney who stood up now. He looked at his alarm clock. He had wanted to meet up with Robin later. Maybe Vance would be there too. Or, as it happened quite a few times in the past, that everyone would just show up. They didn’t like to be alone or separated for too long. It made them anxious.

“I’ll have to go now, I promised Robin and the others to meet them later.” They were probably trying to cheer Bruce up, or Vance would complain about kids still occupying his pinball machine. Or Billy would mention trying to pick up.. anything really that wasn’t delivering newspapers. The boy had enough of that for a lifetime.

Now he looked at his father, but did not look directly into his eyes. He took in the way his fathers beard looked a little better trimmed than it had before. How he frowned slightly and how a defeated look replaced that. How he sighed, his hands shaking slightly as he rose again. 

He didn’t look Finney in the eyes. 

“Just.. let me bring you to them, okay?”

————————————————————————————————

A ringing echoed through the house, the laughter between the three friends stopped.

“Quiet! That could be my mom!” The redhead hissed, and his two friends fell even more silent, as he stood up and walked to the phone on the wall. He picked it up, expecting to hear the sweet and yet kind of static voice of his mom. But there was a different voice. A voice he didn’t know, sp he’d almost hung up.

“Hello, are there Matty, Matt and Buzz?” The voice, sounding like a grown man, questioned. He didn’t know the guy. It didn’t sound normal. Like someone purposely changed their voice to scare them. How cheap.

“Who are you? Why are you calling?” He wasn’t keen on showing his friends that something was wrong. Maybe it was just a prank call. Maybe Blake wanted to give them a bit of shit for beating him up.
Sure, it wasn’t the nicest thing, but something just ticked him and his friends off about him. Like how can you kill a guy and act like a fucking whimp?!

“Oh, who I am isn’t important. It is who you are.” the voice answered.

Behind him, the others stood up, looking at him with anticipation on what was going on.
“Who’s calling?” One of them asked, but he just signaled them to shut the fuck up.

“Arellano? You tryna scare us because of Finney?” He groaned. He thought he was scared enough or angry enough to keep his mouth shut about it, embarrassed, maybe . Didn’t look like it.  Seems like the Grabber really did.. change some things about Finney.
The voice on the other end kept quiet. Almost like it was waiting for them to say more.

The silence felt heavy. The breathing on the other end was just that. A breathing. Calm and collected.
“Well, what did you do to Finney Blake?” He finally asked.

He felt his grip around the phone tighten. Why did Robin play like that? He’d normally beat their asses in front of the whole school. Make an example out of them.
Maybe the Grabber had fucked him up quite good, like he had fucked up Finney.
“Don’t act like the fag didn’t run to you right after it and told you everything. Or is your memory also fucked up like Showalters?” He truly didn’t make anything better like that. To pull others into it. Almost all of them, except Hopper and Yamada, had spent the lunch break together. He didn’t know if Vance had been skipping or smoking or whatever the guy was doing in his free time, and Yamada was at practice for half the day.

Maybe it wasn’t right to make fun of the group of boys. Especially Finney, whose eyes seemed so much darker and heavier than before. But stopping now meant accepting that they had been assholes, that they had made a mistake. 

And really.. who in their right mind would accept that?

The phone on the other end seemed like it wasn’t all too happy about what had been said about Finney, proving, for the redhead at least, that it was Robin Arellano. 

“You hurt him then.” He didn’t sound angry, the voice smooth through the static. Instead, it almost felt.. pleased at the confession. 

“Say, are you afraid that I could be Robin? That he could beat you up, like he beat up that other boy ? Are you afraid of that, Buzz?” It sounded amused by the assumption for him to be Robin. The mention of his name made his skin crawl. Who was this?

He didn’t answer, just looked at his two friends. Robin would have for sure already cursed them out and threatened them. This one was toying with them, playing with the tension the call created.
“Then who are you?” He finally responded, and the voice laughed.

Another ringing echoed throughout the house. This time it was no phone. It was the doorbell.

“Now why don’t you take a look at it for yourselves? Or.. are you too afraid?” He let the phone fall. Looked at it in horror and then to his friends. His heart started beating fast.

They looked pale, like they had just realized something wasn’t right.
This wasn’t Robin. Robin would have beat them up as soon as he saw Finney. He probably wouldn’t have to ask him what happened. And most importantly, he didn’t know where he lived.

Again it rang. It made the boys flinch. This felt like a horror movie.
“What the actual fuck?! Is- is this some kind of stupid joke?” Matty looked at him, but he didn’t know. 

Maybe it really was just a stupid joke - maybe Robin did know where they lived and decided to scare them instead of threatening physical violence?
Then there was a bang.. Not like a gun, but like a hand was hit hard against a wooden door. Like the front door.
They started running, running to the back door. Surely it was just a stupid and mean prank.
Their thoughts weren’t running straight anymore. They were chaos, thoughts running left and right without any direction. It felt differently than a prank thought of by Robin.

Questions none would answer them. 

They reached the backdoor, almost running into the glass. 

"Open the door! Open the fucking door!" One of them cried out. 

The banging against the front door was loud. So, so loud. 

Their hearts were beating way too fast, their hands sweaty and cold. 

With a loud bang the front door broke down. The intruder fell quiet for a moment, as if they were surprised it even worked. 

For a moment he turned around, catching the eyes of the intruder for a moment. Their face was covered by a mask, a simple mask that could be bought in a Halloween store or wherever the guy got it from. It looked like the face of a ghost.

Fuck. This - this clearly went too far for a prank. 

Then the backdoor broke open, the three boys falling into the darkness outside. The air was cooler, feeling almost like a knife was cutting into their lungs. 

Buzz wanted to get up, Matty was laying on the ground, Matt right over him. But they couldn't get up. 

Behind them the masked intruder came, looking down on them and sounding like they were laughing. 

Their eyes were shut tight, as they still tried to escape. They couldn’t, They couldn’t move.
Then came weight onto his back, pressing out the tiny bit of air still in his lungs. He heard Matty tried screaming for help, but the intruder just kicked him.

“Shut up.” The same voice Buzz had heard over the radio said, sounding like this was just a brief inconvenience for them. Matt tried moving, but he couldn’t. It felt like Buzz’s body was frozen in fear, and Matty seemed absolutely not ready to move. Matt was trapped in between the two of them.

Would they die? Was this the way they would die? Robin - Robin wouldn’t go this far, right? No - no this wouldn’t be him, right?

They screamed, screamed so loud it felt like their lungs were about to collapse. Then came the pain, throbbing and hot pain right onto them. Then came darkness. It swallowed Buzz as the first. The knife right in his back.. he didn’t know what happened to the others.
And right now, he couldn’t care less. The only question on his mind was, before that too seemed to turn to dust, was :

Is this the way I die?