Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“I was trying to be good enough for her. It was an impossible goal. But I couldn’t bear the thought of giving up.” - Edward’s narration in Midnight Sun

“As long as we’re on our way down to hell-why not enjoy the journey?” - ditto B)

He expected the vampire to lose himself. It’s what he did. 

Immediately, it’s clear what happened. The smell spills out of the room like blood. The smell of death. In a tiny part of his brain, he knows it’s dangerous, that the pack will smell it when they approach the house, but he can’t act on it. He can’t think. He can’t move. Usually his gut reaction when things got bad was to run as far away as possible. But now he can’t even shift. He feels he doesn’t exist in any form at all.

He finds himself stumbling down the steps, his broken fingers sliding thin streaks of blood on the wall. Cold things pass like ghosts until he’s in the living room. 

Garish sounds are happening there, little coos and the shuffle of blankets, disgustingly domestic in the midst of it all. The blonde vampire girl content with the...thing. The creature that had killed Bella. And in this moment, Jacob is sure. The black hole that had destroyed the only light left in his numb world. He will kill it. 

He approaches the couch where she sits, blood and heat emanating from the bundle in her arms. 

Then she sees him. 

And she wasn’t a black hole but an explosion of light, burning him away and leaving something new where he once stood. 

He knew immediately it was imprinting. Because what else could make him despise someone so bad he wanted them dead to the purest form of devotion he’d ever felt? It wasn’t natural. It wasn’t him, he told himself, and yet he had already lost that fight. He could never go back, despite how hard his brain was screaming at him that was she dead, she was dead and never coming back . His heart had changed without any consideration for his thoughts.

“What’s wrong, darling…?” It took a moment for Jacob to realize that wasn’t directed to him. Rosalie , his brain told him. Rosalie was talking to the girl, her, Renesmee . She was making feeble noises of distress. He stood back up and she stopped.

That was how he decided. 

“What are you doing?” Rosalie asked, looking at him with a mixture of confusion and suspicion. At least she wasn’t stabbing him. 

“She…” Explaining was impossible. 

“What?” Renesmee’s hand, tiny and mostly clean, stretched towards him. Two tiny, impossibly bright, and painfully familiar eyes locked with his. 

A noise came from upstairs, a low sobbing. It sounded like the mom vampire. Someone came downstairs and Rosalie looked away but those eyes didn’t. 

“Is the baby okay?” the tiny vampire whispered.

“She is,” Rosalie said, practically purring. “I’ve almost got her cleaned up-”

“Edward wants to see her.” This was enough to startle Jacob out of his stupor. 

“He what?” he asked as Rosalie asked “Why?” simultaneously. Alice didn’t seem to notice Jacob at all.

“That’s his child, Rosalie,” Alice said bitterly. The two girls had a staredown, and the atmosphere of the room got startlingly tense. But whatever Alice was projecting, it won. 

“Fine,” Rosalie sighed. “But let it be known I do not trust his judgment right now.”

“Me neither,” Jacob said, and Alice finally noticed him. 

“No offense, Jacob, but your opinion doesn’t matter right now.” Sorrow didn’t suit Alice’s tiny frame, usually so full of energy and, ironically, life. She barely looked his direction when she spoke to him. Then something happened that no one could have predicted. 

“It does,” Edward called from upstairs.

“...Okay,” Alice said, now looking at him somewhat angrily. They filed upstairs in a solemn procession, Alice first, then Rosalie and Renesmee, and then Jacob. Renesmee peered over Rosalie’s shoulder at him and he stared back. 

Esme had stopped crying when they entered, but she and Carlisle were holding each other, looking at Edward as he stood over the table where Bella died. Someone had draped a white sheet over her and blood had already seeped through the fabric, making a mockery of their intent. Alice and Rosalie stopped in the doorway, the smell of it overwhelming. Rosalie turned the baby away from the scene, despite knowing it was where she came from. 

“Oh, Jacob,” Esme cried softly, brushing nonexistent tears from her face. She procured a handkerchief from nowhere and held it out to him. He took it and the blood covering his hand smeared the white surface. Tears joined it. He’d been crying?

“What do you want?” Rosalie asked Edward. “Why is he here?” In the silence that followed Jacob slowly came to awareness. The pain in his arm and hand, the shakiness in his limbs, but also the sound of heavy footfalls from the forest. Sam’s pack was coming. A few vampires were turned towards the noise, the big one in particular looking like he wanted to leave the cloying room already. 

“Before she,” Edward began suddenly, and everyone in the room stopped. “Before she...died.” Jacob couldn’t see his face but he imagined it mirrored his just minutes before. But things were different now. It wasn’t about him. It was about her. He decided he wouldn’t face it. “I could hear her thoughts. Feel them. Please, don’t,” he says in advance of someone’s words, whatever they’d have been. “I just...I feel the same way as Jacob.” They all turned to look at Jacob, utterly confused. 

He felt alone in the room with Edward. 

The only thing that matters is her.

“Yes.”

We have to keep her safe. 

“At any cost.”

“Can I ask what’s going on right now?” Carlisle asked Edward. 

“I don’t know," Edward said. "All I know is that no one has ever loved more than she did, me and this child. And that I will do anything to preserve that love.” Jacob felt a flood of relief at his words. Bella had brought them together one last time. “And Jacob feels exactly the same way.”

An explosion of bewilderment followed. 

Chapter Text

Jacob hadn’t realized how much warmth Bella had given Edward. He’d thought before his face was hard and cold, but it was nothing compared to how it was now. It was downright caustic while he stood on the outskirts of Sam and Jacob’s meeting, an immovable statue, the subject of all eyes and growls in the surrounding forest. 

There was a lot to talk about, and none of it went over easy.

There was a moment during it where Edward was talking to Sam where Jacob’s eyes glazed over and the darkness came pouring back into him, like the release of a river into an empty lake. He thought about all of Leah’s thoughts he heard while coming there, the horror, the disgust, the betrayal, everything he felt but magnified tenfold. The loss. No. He wouldn’t think about that anymore. He had decided not to. His teeth bite through the side of his cheek as fast as it healed itself, leaving the bitter taste of iron on his tongue. 

When things were finished they headed back towards the house, going at speeds only a vampire and a werewolf could. They both hated being away from her.  

“I don’t know how I’ll tell her family,” Edward said out of nowhere. Jacob felt a stab of guilt for not immediately thinking of them, which he instinctively shot outwards. 

Too cowardly to face them, more like , he thought. He knew Edward could tell he was all bark and no bite. But when Edward didn’t immediately reply, Jacob realized he was right.

Figures I have to do all the dirty work around here. 

Edward had no reply to that, either. 

In the end it was Carlisle and Esme who told Charlie. Edward didn’t go.

Every time Jacob felt his mind slipping back to the horrifying pitch black of the reality he now found himself in, he pulled himself out for Renesmee. Edward did the same, or at least something that looked like it. Jacob thought so because it was the only time Edward’s face ever held anything resembling an emotion. He wondered if Edward was searching for any hint of Bella. He didn’t have to look hard. 

Even though he couldn’t read minds like the vampire could, he felt the trust between them. It was unconditional and steady, never put into words beyond the first day. A steadfast bond that never wavered. A decision not ignoring the cold reality, but built atop it. That was what he told himself. 

Edward never said her name. 

Just getting up in the morning took all of Jacob’s energy. It wasn’t a happy time. It couldn’t have been. But Renesmee was indescribably captivating. He hadn’t been around a lot of babies, but Nessie (as he was starting to call her mentally-Renesmee was a mouthful) definitely didn’t act like any others. Every morning she woke up different. Carlisle measured her four times a day and every time there was change. She outgrew her clothes faster than the Cullens could get them, and Alice resorted to just hand making them to keep up.

 And then there was Nessie’s unnerving way of communication. She had some vampire superpower that was a shock the first time she used it on Jacob. Her chubby hand touched him and suddenly an image of him picking her fallen blanket up superimposed itself in his mind like a pop-up ad. 

“What the fuck,” he blurted out loud, and Rosalie had shot him a glare. “She just-I just saw-”

“It’s her special ability, dog. Basic vampire stuff. Keep up.” 

Just another banality of his new life. 

Near the end of the second week Jacob overheard a hushed vampire conversation. More of a hushed Edward conversation, since strange ones like these only happened when he was involved. 

"Of course she does,” Edward said out of the blue. Jacob knew this meant he was talking to someone. He was in the living room with Nessie and Edward was outside, but close enough that he could smell Rosalie there. “She deserves the whole world. But you know I can't give her anything new. Not how she needs." Rosalie made an annoyed noise. “I see it every time she remembers it, and then every time someone receives it,” Edward says coldly. “Trust me that it is not forgotten.”

It was hard to understand, but Jacob guessed what they were “talking” about (who needs mind reading?!). It could only be one thing. Nessie’s constant sharing of her grisly final memory of her mother. It weighed heavily in all their minds, because she kept sharing it the more they didn’t know how to answer. She wanted the person she was conscious of being inside of . 

"I can’t give Nessie new memories of her,” Edward says in a biting tone. Jacob felt a weird, pleasantly surprised feeling that Edward had used his nick-name for Renesmee.

"You can tell her about yours ,” Rosalie hissed out loud for emphasis.  

The ice bitch queen did have a point. But since Nessie’s dad couldn't even bring himself to say her name, it looked like the hard shit would be regulated to Jacob. Again. 

Later that day was one of Nessie's painfully long fake childhood photograph sessions with Alice and Rosalie. Jacob always disliked these and the startling reminder that Nessie was growing at a freakish speed. Nobody knew how long it would last. Jacob was determined that her growth rate would eventually plateau, and she’d live a normal(ish) human lifespan. But the vampires were agonizingly refusing to agree. So during the photoshoot, Jacob took the rare moment of not wanting to be there for a quick run back to La Push, leaving his tiny pack on dog duty. 

He didn’t realize how much he missed home until he was there. His dad was emotional, understably so after not seeing him since it all had happened. They had a lot to catch up on that couldn’t be said over the phone. It was difficult to reassure him about the tiny bite marks all over his arms—Nessie got impatient when it was baby bottle blood time-but he managed. 

“It’s a lot,” his dad said when he finished. Had his hair gotten whiter since Jacob last saw him, or was he just noticing now?

“Understatement of the century,” Jacob said. They sat in the kitchen, the familiarity of the room making him feel strangely detached. His eyes kept going back to the toaster, of all things. It had been moved to a new spot on the counter, and the empty space it once occupied seemed to get bigger as he stared. 

“Have you talked to Quil about any of this?” his dad asked, and he tore his eyes away.

“Quil?” he repeated dumbly. “Why would I—what, because of Claire?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t know...we both imprinted on kids, yeah, but it’s not like he has to raise her with seven immortal blood-suckers.”

“He’s still very much a kid,” Billy said, half to himself.

“Yeah,” Jacob said, which made his dad chuckle for some reason. 

“Are you still going to stay there? Are they feeding you good? You got a place to sleep?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Like he’d tell his dad he either slept in the dirt as a wolf or on the couch. He was trying to get him to accept the Cullens, and that wouldn’t help their case. But he did it because it was convenient for him, and kind of awkward to be in the house when he knew he didn’t belong. 

“You know you can always come home,” his dad said. 

“I know.” They sat in that silence for a moment. They both knew Jacob wouldn’t be leaving Renesmee. 

“How are Seth and Leah? I know Sue wants more updates, even though she won’t say it.” 

“Seth is okay. He pretends like we’re camping, or like, playing in the woods, like its all for fun. And he’s good at watching everything when I’m away, because he worries over her, too.”

“Over Leah?”

“Over Nessie.” Jacob cringed. “Though that might be the pack hivemind blurring together. Shit gets kinda jumbled together.” Billy nodded, even though he’d never been in a pack and didn’t really get it.

“So what about Leah? Does she want to come home?” Jacob almost laughed at the idea. 

“No way,” he said. “She doesn’t really want to stay, either, though, it’s… I don’t know. It’s really complicated.” He sighed and leaned down on the table. 

“Are you okay, Jake?” his dad asked in a quiet, soft way that made tears spring at the corner of Jacob’s eyes. 

“Of course,” he said, sitting up. “Just tired.”

“Don’t give me that bull,” his dad said. “I know what its like to lose friends, Jake, and-”

“I’m okay,” Jacob said, louder than he meant to. His dad rose an eyebrow but didn’t push further when he clumsily bulldozed the conversation to Renesmee. Billy said he wanted to meet her, but didn’t want to go onto Cullen territory. 

“What about Charlie? Does he know about her?”

“No,” Jacob admitted uncomfortably. “Carlisle told him Bella died from some disease she picked up at the honeymoon. What the hell else could he say?”

“Nothing. Charlie knows more than he lets on,” Billy said solemnly. “But that’ll come later. I’m more worried about what the Cullens’ next immediate move is. I’m surprised they haven’t left yet.”

“Left?!” Jacob repeated in shock. “Why would they leave?”

“Why would they stay? They killed their one human connection to the town.”

“They didn’t kill Bella, Dad. She just...died.”

“Well, she’s dead either way,” Billy said darkly. He didn’t forgive the Cullens for their involvement by a longshot. “When they leave, will you go with them?” Jacob once again steered the conversation away from this thought and asked about old pictures. 

His dad procured the camera right away when it came up. As Jacob clicked through the pictures he could see why he had it on hand. Everyone together, happy and smiling. Him, from what felt like decades ago, stringy and goofy and completely clueless of the hell that was about to follow. He thought that was bad, but it was even worse when he found what he was looking for.

A picture of him and Bella, her smile a little stilted because she hated having her picture taken and it was in the middle of Edward's absence. And himself with an over the moon (pun not fucking intended) grin, wigged out that he was hanging with the girl of his dreams. It wasn't a great picture, but it was better than the gruesome memory of her corpse covered in blood.

He looked further and found some truly ancient pictures of them when they were kids. And these were even better. Bella with a sunburn laughing with her mouth open. Blowing bubbles. Holding hands with an even tinier Jacob. This is how Nessie should see her mom. 

"I never thought I'd see you smile like that again." Jacob raised an eyebrow to his dad.

"What, happy?" he asked.

“Happy in that way,” Billy said, but didn’t clarify. “What’re these pictures for, anyway?”

“Ness-Renesmee. So she can know what her mom looked like.”

“That’s a good idea. I think I might have some from old fridge pictures, hold on.” What followed was an absurdly normal evening on the surface. A father and son looking at old pictures. But inside, Jacob was a brewing thunderstorm. Looking at his own childhood like this was making him think about Nessie in ways he hadn’t before. Not only would she be growing up way too quickly—like he had been forced to-she was also growing up without her mother. At least he had happy, if vague, memories about his. She had her fetus memories, but those were fucking weird and not nearly good enough. 

He’d been able to grow up happily because of his family. He still needed them now, and they were there for him. Nessie needed that, too. She needed all her family. And they needed her.

 Jacob thought about this he ran back home—shit, since when did it become home? When he arrived he and Seth exchanged a mental nod, and Leah acknowledged his general existence. 

“Esme wanted to see you,” Seth said as he hopped into a leg of his sweatpants. Jacob grumbled. “Be nice! She’s the best.”

Like that needed stating. 

But instead of Esme at the back door he was greeted by Edward. Though it was more of a jumpscare then a warm welcome. He didn’t move or say anything so Jacob felt himself instinctively bracing for a fight. 

“I’m sorry,” was the last thing he expected Edward to say.

“Huh?”

“I’m sorry you had to make this happen.” He was looking down at his shoes. Uncertainty didn’t suit his cold features. “It’s not uncertainty. It’s cowardice.”

Stop stealing shit out of my head and speak for yourself.

“I wish it went both ways,” Edward mumbled. “Thank you for doing this. I’ll try and rely on you less in the future.”

“Hold on—if this is suppose to be you humbling yourself, you’re doing a shitty fucking job at it!” Edward didn’t reply, because he could tell Jacob was just blowing hot air to cover his surprise and almost...gratification? At being thanked? No, no, it was just surprise, because he’d been so sure the blood-sucker didn’t care about anything at all. 

“I also agree.”

…You don’t care??

“That Nessie needs her family. Esme is in the kitchen,” Edward said, turning his back. Jacob scrambled for a reply but couldn’t find one, leaving him alone with his own unknowable emotions. 

Esme gave him a room. It was right next to Nessie’s nursery and had been a “study”. It was small, but lushly decorated as was Esme’s way. She had held back a bit, settling for bare wood and simple designs. It was very lumberjack-y, which he was silently amused by. Mostly he felt shy. Going out of her way to provide a room for him, even if it was like a hotel room, was Esme acknowledging that he wasn’t going anywhere. And that he was even welcome.He never thought he’d be grateful for being welcomed into a vampire lair. 

The distinct smell of the house was somewhat lessened by the comforting scent of Nessie. And the stupid amount of candles and air freshners on every possible surface. Like, way too many. 

“Thank you, Esme,” Jacob said with a cough.

“Is the smell enough to cover us up?” she asked worriedly. “I tried to gauge what a human no—oh my goodness, of course!” She began hurriedly taking down the fresheners while Jacob covered his mouth and nose. Partly because of the smell, partly to keep from laughing. She actually forgot he wasn’t human. He didn’t have the heart to tell her he was getting used to the smell. Maybe he was embarrassed about that, too.

But now he had a room, and that was something.

Bella’s funeral was on a Monday. It was thankfully a rainy day, because it meant the Cullens could attend. Edward and Nessie wouldn’t be. They spoke about it in secret away from her. One day she’d know what it was all about, but it was too early for that. 

Alice made a custom suit for Jacob, which felt ostentatious amidst the grieving and made him want to crawl out of his skin. Technically nobody knew besides other Quileutes that he was living on Cullen property, but wearing the fancy suit and standing near the conspicuous vampires made him feel like it was in neon letters on his back. The atmosphere of the whole affair was shock. There were perhaps people in Forks that felt a little self-righteous that the scandalous teen romance story had ended in tragedy, but not here. Here were people that loved Bella. Less loved Edward. But they were sympathetic that he would be too heartbroken to attend his bride’s wedding, and so he only discussed in whispers.

When Jacob saw Charlie and Carlisle next to each other he only saw two grieving parents. None of the Cullens had to act their part. And him, he had no act to play. He cried when they lowered her coffin into the grave and he cried when Charlie came up to him after and clamped a hand on his shoulder.

When they all went back home Edward and Nessie weren’t there. Panic shot through Jacob before they arrived a second later, Edward carrying his daughter. Her arms were full of freshly picked flowers and she was beaming. 

It took all of Jacob’s strength not to cry again. He couldn’t let her see it. He had decided not to let her see it. 

Renesmee was entranced with the pictures of Bella. They brought more of her when she was older, pictures from the wedding. Prom. Getting dressed up by Alice. At first Nessie couldn’t connect the smiling girl with the gory but noble idea of her mother, and the raw thoughts from her weird womb memories. She’d still flash that final memory while staring at the pictures they held out to her. Eventually, she stopped.

Edward didn’t join in the memory sharing sessions, despite Esme’s gallant attempts. Some seemed to find it cathartic. It only hurt for Jacob. But he could see the change in Nessie, which made him push himself. He wanted her to have this. She was living in the lap of luxury with a bunch of superpowered beings that would die for her, so she had the basics taken care of. But providing good memories, good relationships, that was something that the Cullens would never be able to buy. They had to build them themselves. 

Nessie resembled her dad more in build and hair, but her mom was there in her face. Sometimes it pained Jacob just to look at her, but he never looked away. How could he? How could anyone? They were all entranced by her. She was like no other living thing on the planet. 

Because of her ability to share her own feelings and memories, she was easy to understand but difficult to teach. Sometimes she got frustrated when she couldn't tell what people were thinking. Jacob wondered if Edward could relate, at least on a smaller scale, because he hadn't been able to hear Bella's thoughts. Maybe they could talk about it and Nessie could feel not so alone. But that would involve Edward mentioning Bella, and that was a No Go. Whenever Jacob thought about this he could see Edward markedly not looking in his direction, which made him roll his eyes. It was basically like looking directly at him. He got a frown for that one.

With Nessie’s advanced maturity came curiosity of the outside world. She was starting to grow bored of staying within five hundred feet of the house. She wanted to see other people, especially other people that were in the pictures with her mother. She wanted to see Charlie . 

"I want to talk at with him," she told Jacob earnestly. At this point she still looked like a baby too young to talk, so it was a little disturbing when she did. Her garbled habit of using multiple words for the same meaning didn’t help. 

“Hey, good words!” Jacob said excitedly, putting down the book he was reading to her. “You only need to use one of those, though. Just at or with.”

“Talk with who, Nessie?” Edward asked from the kitchen where he was preparing her bottle of blood. Just normal father things.

“Why are you asking when you already know?” Jacob asked, amused. 

“For you,” Edward muttered.

“Mom dad,” Nessie said. So it’s time, Jacob thought. 

“You do, do you?” Nessie touched his arm and sent an image of her and Charlie together, though it was the version of Charlie from old photographs. “Yup. That’s Charlie.”

“Not Charlie. Grandfather ,” Edward said as he came over with Nessie’s bottle.

“Grandfather? She’s not a creepy Victorian child. Grandpa at least .”

“It doesn’t matter what she calls him,” Edward said coolly, handing Nessie her bottle which she grasped with her usual freaky dexterity. “She wants to meet him.”

Then she has to.

“I agree.” They were on the same page, still. Jacob wasn’t surprised, but he was pleased. 

So what’re we going to do about Team-Leave-Forks-And-Pretend-Nothing-Happened?

“There isn’t a team like that. You could say there’s a ‘team’ for caution against putting Charlie at risk.” Edward said, doing air quotations mockingly. 

At risk of what? Sure, she’s fucking weird, but Charlie’s tough. 

“It’s not a matter of strength in character.” 

It’s what Bella would want. 

A subtle tightening of Edward’s facial expressions were the only sign that he felt something, his voice was as smooth and impersonal as ever. 

“There are some of our kind that keep the secret from getting out. They’re very militant about enforcing it.” Jacob chewed over this new knowledge about the shadowy vampire world. So there was some kind of organization keeping vampires secret from the world at large...Given his albeit brief experience with it so far, they were doing a shit job at it. A twitch of a smile appeared on Edward’s lips before disappearing. “Still, they take direct telling very seriously. They’ll remove a risk factor immediately.” 

Direct telling, huh? Edward didn’t look away. 

“Jacob!” Alice shouted from up in her room. Her and Rosalie were resewing some of Nessie’s clothes, an endless task. But the second she yelled they were both downstairs, a pair of pants still in Alice’s hands.

“What are you going to do!” she cried. “My entire schedule for the day is gone !”

“Why loud?” Nessie asked Jacob from his lap. She had been trying to understand his and Edward’s conversation with her limited vocabulary, but now someone was getting scolded like she was after biting someone. 

“Your Aunt is jumping to conclusions,” he told her.

“You’re the only one jumping anywhere!” Rosalie accused angrily. “She wouldn’t lose her sight if you weren’t planning on doing something!”

“Like I’m the only one that she can’t see,” Jacob said, in reference to his pack and a certain baby sitting on him right now. 

“You’re the only one that’d do something stupid ,” Rosalie said, and Jacob couldn’t exactly deny that. He didn’t think his idea was stupid, though. 

“Family meeting,” Edward said. “Away from little pitchers with big ears.”

"Absolutely not," Rosalie said. It was after Nessie's bedtime and they were gathered around the dining table. Jacob was putting away the amount of food a family of five would eat on Thanksgiving while the vampires sat, immobile. 

"I agree with Rosalie on everything," Emmett said comically fast. He loved Nessie but didn't have opinions about raising her. Unlike everyone else, who had an abundance— whether or not they had any right to . 

"Jacob's right," Edward said. "This is Renesmee’s choice.” This was met with a deluge of disagreement. What followed was four full hours of mind-numbingly inane vampire arguing. It was hardly fair, two against six, but Edward’s upper hand of already knowing the details of the case against them worked wonders. Jacob only had frustration, which didn’t exactly sway the Cullens. First to fold was actually Rosalie, who Edward broke down by calling to her old fashioned sensibilities about raising a child. Emmett, of course, was part of the package deal. Then Esme and Carlisle, who were both big saps anyway. Alice was hard and Jasper was impossible.

“I just can’t see how this could end well,” Alice groaned. “ Literally . It’s too risky.”

“Only if there’s a full confrontation from our side,” Edward repeated for the twelfth time in the last hour. “If we use Jacob’s idea—a reformed version of it, and he learns about the Pack, then meets Nessie after that…”

“He could reach his own conclusions,” Carlisle finished. “Theoretically without us even saying anything.”

“It’s too down to the wire,” Jasper said, intensely. “It wouldn’t hold up against the Volturi.”

“The Volturi have nothing to fucking do with us Quiletes!” Jacob said. 

“And we want to keep it that way,” Edward said. 

Another hour and they had whittled them down. Jacob was barely paying attention to the train of argument anymore, zoning out and thinking about how the meeting with Charlie would go. He’d shift, Charlie would realize shit was weird. Then Edward and Nessie would pop in. Carlisle had offered to go, seeing as it might help smooth things with Charlie. But Edward insisted on just him. Jacob was impressed he was finally stepping up, and more than a little relieved he wouldn’t have to do this alone. He wondered how Charlie would react. He’d get it, right?

“Charlie does deserve to meet her,” Alice finally said. Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist and they held a weird eye conversation. They were truly the most freakish of the freaks.

“Yes,” Jasper said after a painfully long time. He looked like a dead fish as Alice gave him a big kiss. 

“Fucking finally,” Jacob said.

“God, yes,” Emmett said at the same time. Only a few people chuckled.

Nessie was over the moon when they told her she’d be meeting her grandpa. She got really into practicing talking, and Jacob didn’t have the heart to tell her it would only weird Charlie out more. The visit was to happen in the evening, obviously, about a month and a half after Nessie’s birth. She looked nearly one and painfully like her parents. An impossible child. 

They chose to get there by walking, since any semblance of normality was purposefully getting thrown out the window. Nessie wanted to ride Jacob in wolf form since she always had so much fun doing it, and she always got what she wanted. Her grip was, as always, eerily strong. There was a constant stream of consciousness from her as Jacob ran to the Swan house. 

She likes speed, just like her Uncle Jacob .

"Uncle?" Repeated Edward's voice from close by. Him, Carlisle and Emmett were running along in formation, hidden in the dark woods. Edward had moved closer to talk.

Well, what else am I? A family friend? 

" A godfather, perhaps." 

GODFATHER? You come to me, on the day of my Nessie’s grandpa meeting.

"I didn’t know it was possible to botch a brain accent.”

"No brain talking," Nessie interrupted suddenly, making them both shake with silent laughter. 

When they reached the Swan house there was a brief moment of in-between as everyone waited for Jacob to quickly get dressed, and then it was time. Jacob gave Nessie a quick, bracing hug before heading to the door alone. Charlie was surprised to see him and invited him in. They hadn’t seen each other since the funeral. 

“Actually, I think it’d be better to show you out here,” Jacob said.

He was impressed. Charlie didn’t pass out or throw up or anything. After he started breathing again he had a few simple questions, but immediately said he’d “rather not know the specifics” when Jacob got too into the details. He asked about the wolf attacks and was quickly reassured. But then he asked about Bella, his tone dropping.

“Is that why you’re telling me about this?” he asked Jacob. “Because this…sort of thing is what got Bella killed?” They were sitting on the front step of his porch together, looking down at their shoes. Jacob was glad for the lack of eye contact when he said,

“No. But also...kind of.”

“Mother of God-I trusted him!” Charlie said, standing up and clutching his hat in his hand. “I trusted Carlisle when he looked me in the eye and said it was random, an unexpected reaction to a common virus, or whatever the hell! And you’re telling me he was in on it ?” Jacob had never seen Charlie so angry before. He’d never even seen him angry, period. 

“No one was in on it!” he said back, so loud that he inwardly cursed knowing Nessie would hear. “Believe me, Charlie, no one wanted it to end this way! Most of all the Cullens.There were tons of times when things could’ve gone differently but Bella never changed. Everyone was telling her to stop. But she...she chose this.”

“Are you saying she chose to die?” Charlie asked, his voice cracking.

“No!” Jacob protested. “She just…chose the risk .”

“The risk of what?” Jacob couldn’t find a way to explain. He desperately wished Carlisle was there to smooth things over. Or even his dad. And then there was the crackling of sticks underfoot from the forest trail. 

“Hello, Charlie,” came a somber voice. Jacob and Charlie watched as Edward came out of the woods onto the road, holding Nessie. 

 Nessie, just minutes before excited, was now shyly avoiding eye contact. Maybe due to their shouting, maybe due to the fact that she'd never met a human (besides Bella) before. Edward’s expression was unreadable. Jacob looked at Charlie anxiously to see if he was going to bum rush his son-in-law, but he was just staring at Nessie with an open mouth. Her face right next to Edward made the impact that much more powerful. As they got closer, you could see more. And then they were there, and it was so blatant Jacob had the absurd need to laugh. 

“Say hello, Renesmee,” Edward told his daughter. 

“Hello, Grandpa,” she said, and Jacob winced a little. They probably shouldn’t have taught her that word. Or had her talk when meeting him at all. But this is where they were. 

“Renesmee is Bella and I’s adopted daughter,” Edward said. “She’s my niece.”

Silence. 

“She’s the daughter of my older brother,” Edward continued. “The courts found me when he and his wife died in a car accident. Bella was insistent on finalizing the adoption even during her illness.” Nessie peaked her head out from her long rug of curls, which Jacob was realizing made her look like some sort of wild fairy child. Which wasn’t far off the mark. Her brown eyes, exactly like Bella’s, met Charlie’s. 

Charlie was silent for a full minute. Bugs and birds from the forest seemed to drown out all of Jacob’s thoughts. Nessie broke eye contact, looking up at her dad anxiously. 

“And how long has she been your niece?” Charlie asked Edward quietly. There was no point in acting ignorant to the question. They all knew what Charlie really meant by that. 

“Fifty-nine days,” Edward answered. 

Everyone watched Charlie for his reaction. He simply put his head down. He was breathing heavily and Jacob couldn’t tell if he was hyperventilating or crying. Maybe a bit of both. He patted him awkwardly on the back but couldn’t find any comforting words to say. There weren’t any. 

"How was it?" Rosalie asked Nessie as soon as they came back under the secretive shade of the forest. As if they hadn’t all been listening the whole time.

"Everything smelled the same," Nessie said.

“It's a good smell,” Alice said sadly.

“The sun rain,” Nessie said.

“That’s just what all of Forks smells like,” Jacob told her.

“No!” Nessie said, offended. “Smells like Father, Mom. And Jacob.”

“She’s just saying words at this point,” Rosalie said with a sigh. “ Someone hasn’t been going over syntax with her.”

“Good words, Nes,” Jacob said. 

“I’m fine,” Edward said to someone's mind worrying, even though he looked anything but. “I look fine,” he said in protest to that. 

“Stop brain talking!” Nessie insisted, grabbing him by the face with both of her chubby hands and staring at him with the severity only a child can have. 

“Yeah, stop brain talking,” Jacob repeated. Edward smiled in what was supposed to be a menacing nature but just ended up being blindingly charming. Jacob was stunned momentarily before physically shaking his head.

“Anyways, it went great,” he told them all. Great wouldn’t be his first word to describe the meeting, but he was too frazzled to think of a more appropriate word. He watched as Nessie talked to Rosalie, missing the curious glance from Edward. 

Meetings with Charlie became a regular occurrence. Every week Nessie would come visit. Usually with Jacob, sometimes with Alice. Once with Carlisle and Esme, which was a somber night. Nessie nonetheless looked forward to every one, talking and sending thoughts of Charlie and what he’d look like that time. When she had been told humans grow like her but a little slower, she kept expecting Charlie to be a few inches taller when she saw him. 

The only slow change she was going through was the transition from human blood to animal. It was necessary for the vegetarian lifestyle, but it was as hard moving any baby to a new kind of food. Edward did his best to beg and schmooze, but in the end it was once again Jacob with the solution. He made it into a fun game, a competition to see who could catch a wild animal and kill it the fastest. He’d pretend to be slow at getting a squirrel and boom, meal for the week is taken care of. The Cullens had to remind Emmett more then once that this wasn’t a real competition and that him winning wasn’t helping Nessie eat any faster. But she was having fun and in the end that was all that mattered. This game was far less gruesome then her first experience with the world, after all. 

Daily growth changed to weekly changed to monthly. Nessie was still growing at an absurd rate, but at least she was recognizable from day to day. Her grasp of language was becoming stronger, and with it more independence. She was appreciating the freedom of walking, climbing, and running. Seeing her stocky little baby limbs move with confidence was no longer unnerving and was just happenstance. Jacob was also getting used to leaving her for longer periods of time. Only a few hours at most, but he really did miss his dad and La Push. It felt weird to be back but also not back, not part of Sam’s pack. Nessie had taken over his life so completely that it was confusing to come back to the way things had been. He looked at his stuff in the garage and just didn’t have any feelings about it. Looking back on those days, he knew he was depressed.  

Seth went back to living at home, but Leah stayed. Jacob knew how much she hated being there, but hated being home more. Things had gotten complicated after he imprinted on Nessie—there was no point pretending it hadn’t. For a long time afterwards Leah didn’t talk to any of them, staying on the property but by herself. But a pack hivemind lays all thoughts bare, whether they’re willingly shared or not. Jacob knew exactly how Leah felt about him imprinting on Nessie, but that went both ways. She knew exactly how he felt about Nessie, and how he thought about everything else. 

Jacob told himself that she understood his decision. And Leah never directly said otherwise. She knew how much pity could burn. 

“It feels good to breathe some fresh air.” The two of them had taken a small trip out of the Cullen property back to Forks on the day of Nessie’s 3rd month birthday (anniversary?) for some non vampire reeking food and away from knowing eyes. Jacob’s little pack didn’t spend much time phased all at once anymore, and it was refreshing to communicate verbally and have it go both ways.

“I’ve kinda gotten used to the vampire smell. It isn’t so bad,” Jacob admitted around a mouthful of hamburger. 

“You’re starting to sound like Seth. Are you gonna call Emmett ‘bro’ now?” Leah snarked. Jacob shoved her playfully, earning a few stares from other people at the restaurant. “Actually, did I tell you that girl got back to me about the house?”

“The art club chick?”

“Yeah, she says they’re looking for a new roommate because someone moved in with their boyfriend.”

“Typical shrew behavior.”

“Ha, ha.” She shoved back, nearly making him slide off the bar stool he sat on. People’s stares got wider. 

“That’s good, though. Are you really gonna do it?”

“Of course. I’m over the fucking moon about it. Can’t you tell I’m excited?” she said in a deadpan voice, but he actually could tell. She was playing around more than usual, which meant she was in a good mood. 

“When are you going?”

“Hopefully within the month. The sooner I go, the sooner I can find a job. Probably lifting boxes somewhere or something.”

“Shit. Well, I’m gonna miss you.”

“Gay.”

“Wow. I bare my heart on the table and you treat me like this?”

“You have to hit ‘em where it hurts.”

“Nessie’s gonna miss you.” Leah’s face twisted in a complex array of emotions. 

“I’ll come back to visit,” she said. This was a step up from the singular time she’d held Nessie, got bitten, and dropped her, so Jacob would take it.

Jacob thought about Leah leaving as they parted ways and he went back to the house. Seth was finally integrating back into Sam’s pack, and it was only a matter of time before he mentally unattached from Jacob. The dude had done his part, but the reason the little pack had formed had reached its conclusion, and Jacob knew he missed the bigger pack. When he inevitably left, it would just be him and Leah. Separated by hundreds of miles and living their own lives. He was looking forward to the mind privacy, for sure, but he’d miss having a non-vampire around. Sometimes it felt like he was the only sane person in a house full of crazies. And he’d miss Leah, who was like another big sister. Or big brother, maybe, since he didn’t push around his sisters like that anymore. 

When he arrived back at the Cullen mansion he could immediately tell something was off. There was an unknown vampire scent in the air, somewhat frosty and cold, but no one to link it to. He stayed in wolf form, sniffing around outside. The scent didn’t seem to be the particular scent of a vampire on a human diet, but it still set him on edge. 

“It’s alright, it was a friend visiting.” He looked up to see Edward there, wearing a severe turtleneck and holding a dozing Nessie. “Family, really.”

What’d they want?

“To see if I was available or not,” Edward said dryly. 

What in the Sweet Home Alabama…

“Not blood related,” he said, rolling his eyes. 

But blood related? 

“She’s from a fellow vegetarian coven.”

Huh. Good to know there are other non-parasitic vermin out there. What’d she think of Nessie? Jacob asked, sitting down. 

“She was...disturbed at first, but stuck around to listen. It’s hard to ignore the evidence contrary to what she initially assumed.”

Wait, what’d she assume?

Edward took a few minutes to explain immortal children-Christ, what a mess. Though Jacob couldn’t help but feel a bit envious. At least immortal children stayed the same and didn’t go through terrifyingly quick growth. At a speed that was slowing down , he pointedly thought. 

“But still progressing,” Edward said darkly. He was probably shifting through Jacob’s myriad of thoughts. Frustration, panic, a hint of despair. Maybe a bit of blame. Vampires had all this lore and yet no one in the history of the world knew about other half vampire hybrids? “Actually, they might. We don't know anything else, but there are other vampires that might.”

They better. 

“Carlisle may have found a lead, but he’d have to go himself to make sure.”

What? This is news to me. Good news, though. When’s the plane leaving?

“This is a very recent development. And he still has some human affairs to wrap up quickly-yes, I know, Nessie can't wait.”

“I can wait.” Both of them started when Nessie opened her eyes and spoke clearly. She grasped Edward’s cheeks in her hands and he winced. 

Thanks for the heads up, mind-reader!

“She just woke up,” Edward said reproachfully. 

Jacob gave a snort. “Oh, doggie Jake!” Nessie said in delight, and immediately began struggling to be put down. Edward did and she ran to one of Jacob’s huge paws. She sent a memory of Edward’s terse voice saying “—Nessie can’t wait”. He sounded awful. 

“I can wait,” Nessie repeated again. “Why are you brain talking? Brain talking around people is rude.” Wolves can look embarrassed, if Jacob was any precedent. He looked at Edward dolefully. 

“Adults are allowed to brain talk because we already know how to use words,” he told Nessie. She didn’t seem to like this answer, and her pouting made Jacob snort again. Further trouble was avoided when she asked to take a ride, but it had been a close call. 

So far Nessie had no idea that her growth was alarming, and they wanted to keep it that way. Which would be easier if each milestone wasn’t so terrifying. Charlie’s expression whenever Nessie showed off the new thing she’d learn that week mirrored Jacob’s emotions exactly. But there were good things with it, too. She’d ask sweet questions about Bella and asked to see her room. Jacob hadn’t had the heart to go with her, but when she came back down she held a raggedy red flannel shirt in her hands. 

“I saw Mom wearing this,” she told Charlie. “In a picture!” Jacob tucked her hair behind her tiny shoulders. It was past her waist now, he really had to talk to her aunts about cutting it. It was getting ridiculous at this point. 

“You can keep it,” Charlie said. “Any of the stuff up there. Renee already took some, so it’s...yeah.” 

“You mean that? Thank you so much!” Nessie said, and happily hugged the shirt like it was a stuffed animal. Alice groaned when she brought it home. Her and Rosalie were sitting on the floor comparing color swatches for who knows what.

“Not that old thing!” she said, but she had a bittersweet smile on her face. “Nessie, you have to promise your Aunt Alice your style is never going to be like that.”

“What’s style? Why?” Nessie asked innocently. 

“We should cut her hair some time,” Jacob told Rosalie. 

“No we shouldn’t,” Rosalie said combatively. 

“Style is your own flavor, baby,” Alice said, holding her arms open. Nessie fell into them gleefully. “And yours will be elegant and stylish like mine.” 

“Why do you always have to disagree with me, even on basic sh-stuff? No baby has hair that long. She stands out,” Jacob told Rosalie.

“So?” Rosalie snorted. “It’s not like anyone sees her besides us. She stands out anyway.”

“But it’s not always going to be like that,” Jacob said. 

“Stop arguing in front of Renesmee.” Their bickering stopped when Edward entered the room. Nessie subtly tucked the red shirt between her and Alice. It was so small that only Jacob and Edward noticed it, but when Edward did he looked unhappy. 

“What do you have there?” he asked Nessie casually. 

“My mom’s shirt,” Nessie said in a quiet voice. The disquieting conversation cut through the familiar atmosphere like a knife. 

“You don’t have to hide that from me,” Edward said painfully. Jacob wanted desperately to escape this conversation. But there was nowhere to go. It was going to happen eventually. “I’m not upset. I’m sorry.” And he turned around and left the room. Nessie looked up to Jacob where he sat on the couch, her big brown eyes full of worry. 

“Oh, Nessie,” he said, and she touched a tear welling up.

“My eyes are broken,” she said. Everyone circled her, cooing words of vague comfort. So Nessie could cry. Somehow, this was a relief. 

“Human eyes do that,” Rosalie told her. “It’s something that happens when you’re sad. It’s normal.”

“Oh.”

“It’s okay, Nessie. Your dad isn’t mad at you,” Jacob told her as he hugged her. 

“He misses my mom,” Nessie said, the statement sounding like too much of a question for Jacob’s taste. 

“A lot,” Alice said. 

“We all do,” Rosalie said. 

“It’s hard for him to talk about her,” Jacob said.

“Why?” As they wiped her tears and kissed her head and held her hands they all got the same rush of emotions—pain, confusion, and most of all caution. Rosalie and Alice both looked at Jacob for assistance. Dirty work. 

“Well...he really misses her,” he started slowly.

“He loves her?" Nessie asked.

“He does!"

“Me too,” she said, and hugged the shirt. Alice and Rosalie exchanged a distressed expression. This was something decades, even centuries, of life could never prepare for.

When Nessie was almost 5 months old, Carlisle and Esme left to follow leads on possible other half human half vampire hybrids. The surprise was when Alice announced she and Jasper were going as well. 

"Sick of making baby clothes already?" Emmett joked. 

"You know I could never get tired of that," Alice said seriously. "I just think my gift could be more useful where I can use it. We're entering a tumultuous time." Jacob thought she was probably just tired of the Nessie Migraines.

The day before they left, he pulled Alice aside for a private word. This was unusual and she regarded it with a lot of suspicion. 

“What are you going to do?” she asked as they sat down on the porch together. Emmett and Jasper were playing tag with Nessie in the yard and Jacob watched with a smile as she ran around a tree, laughing the whole time. 

“I thought you couldn’t see my future?” he replied with a grin. 

“I can’t, but you’re always changing mine anyway.” 

“I want to learn your keeping-mind-readers-out-of-your-head-techniques.” Nessie ducked under Emmett as he tried to grab her, sending him crashing into Jasper and her into a fit of laughter. Emmett was equally amused and Jasper barely reacted, as usual.

“Ohhhhh. Yeah, that makes sense,” Alice said, relaxing. She spent a few minutes explaining her distraction methods. It was a lot less clear-cut then Jacob had hoped for, but it was better than nothing. The more time he spent with Edward the more he saw how he used his mind reading. Sometimes it made Jacob feel unbalanced, like Edward started a race earlier then him and he was already getting lapped. Other times it felt convenient, but that was weird to admit. He should want his brain to himself. 

Nessie had a hard time grasping that her family was separating, however temporary it was. She kept asking if they'd be back by dinner and who would help Aunt Rosalie do play pictures. It was only after the emotional farewells and hugs and the garage with two less sports cars in it that she understood they weren’t coming back for a while. She did a lot of staring out windows with her hands behind her back like Edward did, which Jacob thought was hilarious and adorable. He was surprised to find he missed the filthy bloodsuckers too, mostly the girls. But Carlisle was a good peacemaker and Jasper, well. He didn't miss Jasper too much, dude was a freak. Creepy motherfucker with his emotion powers. 

His and Rosalie's fights began to escalate without the calming factors. That was until one day, a week after the four Cullens had left. Rosalie was yelling at Jacob after he and Nessie came back from hunting and they had taken slightly longer than the agreed upon time.

"So what if she missed her bed time? Food is more important!" Jacob was saying. 

"Yeah, which is why it shouldn't be taking five hours!" Rosalie yelled back. "She needs STRUCTURE and ROUTINE, you dumb dog!" 

"Guuuuuys," Emmett groaned from the couch. "Can you-"

"SHUT UP, EMMETT!" they shouted simultaneously. 

"Both of you, be quiet." They were all shocked when a little voice spoke up. There was Nessie standing between them, her face a perfect copy of Carlisle's nobly distressed expression he got when there was household strife. "We do not raise our voices when we don't get our way," she said in a tone that was clear she was repeating an exact phrase she heard. Then something even more surprising happened. Rosalie snorted, then full on laughed. 

"So you do listen to me, after all!" she said, scooping up Nessie with delight. Her baby face remained solemn.

"We took so long hunting because I'm a 'picky eater', Rose," Nessie said. 

"Aunt Rosalie," Jacob and Rosalie said again simultaneously. And then,

"It's not your fault, Nessie," said Jacob. 

"I accept your apology," said Rosalie. They both scowled at each other. 

"Stop! Stop!" Nessie said, and gently patted Rosalie's face and Jacobs crossed arms. They were sent an image of all of them smiling together. Jacob resisted making a snarky comment and did his best to look enthused. 

"Okay, alright, we're all friends here," he said. Rosalie looked like she had something to say about that, but kept it pinned down. After that they fought in sneakier ways. Jacob felt like a girl, the levels of pettiness he was reaching. But anything for Nessie. 

He was trying Alice’s mind distraction techniques to varying results. Edward seemed amused by his attempts at first, and then Jacob got better at it. He did it for really pointless thoughts too, like he’d think thisnextgameisitfortheseason for 10 straight minutes and a frown would come down on Edward’s face while he tried to figure out what Jacob was covering. And then when Jacob slipped, there was nothing there and he was just trying to rile Edward up. Whenever he realized this Edward would exaggeratedly roll his eyes and Jacob would pump a first in the air in triumph.

Nessie started going through phases. The first one, she was obsessed with movies. She watched every movie in the house in four days, despite Rosalie’s warnings that it would rot her brain. Then they limited it to two a day, but even then the Netflix DVDs couldn’t come soon enough. Nessie would wait by the window, peeking through the curtain for the mail carrier to arrive. And then after they drove away, she’d dash to the mailbox to get her prize. At first Rosalie insisted she only watch “age appropriate” movies, but that seemed dumb even to her and she soon caved in. They kept her from watching totally gnarly stuff, though, and skipped through certain scenes. 

Nessie loved every genre, absorbing all the new information with the same rapt expression. She’d go from romcom to action to children’s fantasy in the blink of an eye. Jacob and Emmett were delighted to watch every Fast & Furious with her until she went to the garage and asked if she could drive a car.

“Your legs are too stubby, Nes,” Jacob told her. “Wait a few-wait a little longer.”

“How much longer?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” Jacob said, trying not to let the encroaching despair sink through. 

Carlisle and the others were calling back consistently, keeping them updated on their findings. Or lack thereof. It was difficult to ask vampires questions about vampire-human hybrids while also maintaining secrecy. They told a few other vampires, which Jacob wasn’t crazy about (now knowing what he did about the Volturi), but Carlisle promised he was only talking to those he completely trusted. Many wanted to meet Nessie themselves and plans were made for whenever they got back from their trip. Still, the world was frustratingly, seemingly devoid of half human half vampire people. That was until Brazil. 

When Alice called back with the news that they’d met another hybrid, another being like Nessie, Jacob was hit with a surge of joyous vindication. They were all sitting at the kitchen counter together after Nessie had gone to bed, the usual end of the day family meeting. Rosalie had her phone on speaker phone as they listened to Alice.

“How old are they?” Jacob asked immediately. 

“Well over a hundred years old!” Rosalie and Emmett let out a sigh of relief, despite not even holding it. But Edward and Jacob were not so easily convinced. 

“Are you positive they’re really-” Edward began. 

“Carlisle has run all the tests, Edward! She’s the same as Nessie! And she said she has siblings, too! We’re going to try and meet them all and test them, too. Ask about their background. And hopefully one will want to visit Nessie.”

“What about-” Jacob started. 

“We’re talking to more to them now, okay? I’ll call later with more information.” 

The two of them stayed in the kitchen watching Rosalie’s phone, even when she went to mend some of Nessie’s clothes and Emmett went to fuck around in the woods. Jacob couldn’t finish his food, his thoughts going 100 hundred miles per hour. They had really done it. Found another Nessie. It was so amazing it almost felt too good to be true. 

“It does,” Edward replied softly. 

But it is true. 

“Alice seems to think so.”

Don’t you believe her?

“I believe that she thinks it. I’d still like-”

The phone rang again and they scrambled to pick it up, their hands awkwardly touching in the scuffle. Jacob retracted his from Edward’s cold skin with what was probably a rude amount of quickness, but Edward didn’t object.  

It was Carlisle. He went more into detail on the tests the vampire-human hybrid allowed him to run, who was named Serena. She had siblings . Jacob waited with bated breath as Carlisle told their sordid backstory, making Nessie’s start look like a happy fairytale. Then he told them about the hybrid’s growth timelines. The hyper quick start that slowed down to a vampiric stop, but with the undeniable human qualities of their appearance. When Jacob heard the certainty in Carlisle’s voice he smiled a real smile, from ear to ear. He stretched his arms up and then put them behind his head, meeting Edward’s face. And he was smiling too, but it was a pained smile. Happy for Nessie, but broken. It was perfect. But she wasn’t there.

They shared the news with Nessie the next day. The happy parts of it without any of their prior worry. She was excited to meet others like her, as everyday it was becoming more clear to her that she was unlike her family. She still wanted to meet more humans, though, which was answered with a lot of “we’ll sees”. Her appearance was so unusual it was difficult to imagine how she could approach a human and not raise alarm. So Nessie started having human lessons along with her advanced mathematics and world history. 

They watched movies and read books about child behavior, which would have been dead boring if it wasn’t for Nessie’s complete fascination. When she read about how long it took human babies to walk she looked at Jacob with wide eyes and then laughed. 

“You couldn’t walk for nearly a year !” she said. “You must have been so bored!”

“Yeah, probably,” he replied with a grin. 

“Human babies’ brains aren’t developed enough at that point to be bored,” Edward explained, ever the stickler. “It’s important information for her to know.”

“No brain talking,” Nessie said without looking up from her book. She was getting good at telling when Edward was replying to someone’s thoughts. 

“Brain talking isn’t that bad when we’re not around humans,” Jacob told her. 

“But I’m supposed to be acting like a human!” Nessie said, seriously wounded. Edward smiled a rare smile at her thoughts. 

“We stressed it when you were younger because you weren’t smart enough to be able to switch between the two. But you can do it now, you’ll remember.” 

When you were younger , Jacob echoed mentally. She was half a year old. This was going to be a wild seven years. 

Chapter Text

“You promised!” It was a week before Renesmee’s birthday and the anniversary of Bella’s death. Nessie looked four years old at nearly two. And she was extremely upset. 

“I know I did, Ness, I’m sorry,” Jacob sighed. He was standing in her nursery, his hand on the doorframe as he leaned in wearily. “Your dad is against it.”

“He never wants me to go!” Nessie groaned. The book she had been reading, some huge tome by a dude called Tennyson, fell onto the floor with a loud THUNK. They called her room a nursery, but currently it was more of a library with a bed. Nessie’s movie phase was long over, followed by a music phase, an art phase, a brief Lego phase (that one had been painful) and now a book phase that was the longest yet. She could spend hours peacefully engrossed in the driest looking shit, but had dropped her book like yesterday’s garbage when Jacob delivered the unfortunate news. Nessie wouldn’t be able to lay flowers on Bella’s grave with everyone tomorrow. Despite Jacob’s promise that she would.  

“He still wants you to go! Just not with all the humans,” Jacob said. He hated disappointing Nessie like this, but Edward was firm. 

She’s too obviously Us. 

Jacob hadn’t been sure if he meant a vampire or related to him and Bella. He was right both ways. 

“You can still bring the meadow flowers after it’s over-”

“I want to go when the others are there!” Nessie cried. “That’s the whole point! I want to meet them! All her friends!” Even Charlie, in all his knowledge, understood that Nessie wouldn’t be able to be there at the memorial hosted by the Cullens. He still wasn’t asking questions about her exact beginnings, but his eyes worked fine. And the undeniable truth was that Nessie stood out, despite her best attempts. And once people started noticing her, they’d notice who she was with and start making some possible true insane theories. At the very least, they didn’t want the wider world to notice Nessie. Not when she wasn’t done growing.

“You can still go see Charlie and Mrs. Dwyer after we go tonight.” 

“I can’t even go during the day?!” Nessie’s angelic face was the picture of sorrow. 

“There’s gonna be people around all day. I’m sorry, honey.” Jacob quickly crossed over the room and gave her a big hug. Fucking dirty work. She hugged back, but with a weak strength that showed how upset she was. Through a hand on his arm she sent sadness, frustration, but most of all that ever present question: does Father not want me to be around Mother? 

“Of course not,” Jacob whispered. It was a rare opportunity, Edward out hunting with Jasper and Alice. The other vampires were probably listening in, but at least this way they couldn’t listen in to everything. “This is an actual thing, okay? You’re too…”

A flash of a word on a page. Conspicuous. 

“Yeah, that.” Nessie giggled subduedly and Jacob knew she’d be okay.

Jacob wished he could stay at home with her and Edward, but Charlie wanted him at the service. Not that he said it directly, but Jacob got him like that. So he went. It was awkward dealing with people he had met only a few times on such an emotional occasion. Mrs. Dwyer clearly wanted to talk about Nessie, but couldn’t around all the humans (and a few wolves), so they stiffly spoke about Bella and all the flowers. Many people brought bouquets and wreaths, some so garish Jacob knew Bella would have winced. But her parents’ was a thing of simple yellow flowers that she would’ve accepted, or at least tolerated. 

When Jacob came home Edward and Nessie were sitting glumly around. There was some meadow that Nessie had wanted to go to, that Jacob vaguely remembered from the day of Bella’s funeral. It had been only a year, but felt much, much longer. 

“Welcome home,” Nessie said drearily. The grief and exhaustion was clear on everyone’s faces. 

“Hey, kid,” Jacob said, patting her back as she hugged him. “The flowers not come together?” She sent an image of the meadow bright and happy, and her standing in it when she was younger. Then the meadow changed, becoming dull, and she stood in it in her current clothes, looking equally washed out and sad. 

“Too cold this year,” Edward supplied.

“What are you gonna do for flowers, then?” Jacob asked Nessie. She shrugged morosely. It wasn’t like her to be down for so long. 

What should we do? Jacob asked, unwrapping his thoughts from the protection that had become regular for him. 

“What kind of flowers do you want?” Edward asked Nessie. There was a pause as Nessie replied mentally. “She didn’t really like flowers,” Edward said in reply. 

“You want to get a kind she liked?” Jacob guessed. Nessie looked up at him with her big round eyes and nodded. He ruffled her hair. “That’s a good idea. But Bella was a weird girl. She wasn’t into any of that frilly stuff.”

“That’s not that weird!” Alice said, stretching out on the couch. “Come here, Nessie, let me fix your hair.” Nessie broke the hug with Jacob and sat on her aunt’s lap as she did what looked like nothing to her bronze curls. 

“That’s not much coming from you,” Jacob said, sitting down on a chair with a heavy whump. It was starting to drizzle out, great. 

“I wasn’t always like this,” Alice said. “I wasn’t allowed at one point. But it’s the 21st century now. Girls can be whoever they want. And whoever wants can be a girl!”

“She’s right,” Jasper said, showing up out of nowhere. Jacob wasn’t sure how, but he’d somehow stepped on a landmine. 

“Fine, fine,” he said. Jasper and Alice exchanged sickeningly loving gazes. 

“We’re off subject,” Nessie said strictly, eliciting smiles from all around the room. “Flowers. For Mom.”

“How about you get flowers that remind you of her?” Rosalie asked. She stood behind the couch and leaned forward, smoothing down Nessie’s already perfect hair. 

“That’s a good idea!” Nessie said eagerly, jumping up. “What should I pick?”

“You tell me,” Rosalie said. 

“Maybe lilies? Or roses?”

“Slow down, tiger,” Jacob said, already thinking about where you could get flowers in Forks and the logistics of buying flowers in the fall. “Let’s work off what’s available.”

“Does she have a raincoat?” Edward asked Alice and Rosalie, Nessie’s sacred clothes holders. 

“The yellow-” Alice said. 

“The pink one,” Rosalie said more firmly. In a flash she was back with a pink raincoat in hand and a matching pink hat. “Get your rain boots, Ness.”

“Okay!” Nessie dashed off towards her nursery. 

“Who’s going?” Jacob asked, standing up. Obviously, he was, but if the whole freak show was coming, there’d be talk. 

“I’ll go,” Edward said. 

Are you sure? 

“She wants me to,” Edward said, softer, as Nessie came clomping back in with her boots on. That was all he needed to say to justify it for Jacob, but Rosalie had other thoughts judging from her face. 

“Are you coming too?” Nessie asked her aunts. 

“How about you go with your dad and Jacob?” Alice said. Nessie took her hand. “Awh, sweetie. I’d love that. Pick out some light pink ones.” 

“Why light pink?” Nessie asked, taking her hand away to pull her coat on. 

“She was always blushing the cutest color,” Alice said with a laugh. “What about you, Rose? Nessie wants to make a bouquet of flowers that remind us all of Bells.” 

“That’s a great idea, Nessie!” Rosalie said happily. The other Cullens trickled into the room like they were cats coming to the sound of a can opener. They had all been listening in, of course, and talked about what flowers they thought were like Bella. It was interesting to hear what they all thought of her. After Nessie was done taking down all their answers she, Jacob, and Edward set off in the Cullen’s subtlest car.

It was kind of awkward to be alone with him—besides Nessie, of course. They didn’t talk outside of raising her, though that wasn’t the case with the other Cullens anymore. Jacob had somehow ended up being friends with Emmett, watching football games with him sometimes, and Alice was easy to talk to. Rosalie and him respected each other’s power or something. Esme and Carlisle were always asking how he was doing, how his family was doing. Jasper was a work colleague at best. But Edward...Edward would always be different. 

Jacob thought about all of this while keeping his “outward” thoughts on Nessie and flowers. It wasn’t his best cover up job, but it was harder when he knew there were less “voices” to cover up his own. Edward drove with a seemingly complete disregard for safety at breakneck speeds. Deja vu. He talked to Nessie (who Jacob let sit shotgun) while looking at her more often than the road. If it wasn’t for the fact that Jacob knew Edward would never put his daughter in danger he would have objected to the insanity of it all. When it was time to teach her how to drive Jacob was definitely not letting her dad do it. He allowed this thought to filter through and was rewarded with a half smile from Edward.

They did their best to keep a low profile at the chain grocery store they went to but Nessie drew stares. She wasn’t swinging from the fluorescents or anything, but it was impossible to stop her from looking like a fairytale nymph child because that’s basically what she was. Edward steered them through the aisles away from people that specifically knew him or Jacob, and they managed to cobble a bouquet together that Nessie was happy with. The flowers were wilted things hanging around in nearly empty buckets of water, but Nessie looked at them like they were spun from gold. 

“Yes,” Edward whispered out of nowhere, and Nessie frowned at him.

“Can I give the money to the cashier?” she whispered back. “And then you answer, Father.” 

“Of course. Sorry,” Edward said, and then looked at Jacob, amused. Nessie was shaking nervously as she handed the cashier one of Edward’s shiny credit cards. 

“What a unique bouquet,” the cashier said genially. “What’s the occasion?”

“We’re getting them for my mom,” Nessie squeaked out.

“What a sweet girl. I’m sure she’ll love them,” the cashier said. Nessie was silent and Edward put a hand on her shoulders. 

“Thank you,” she told the cashier. 

“Oh, aren’t you Edward Cullen?” the cashier said suddenly. “My kid went to school with you!”

“Of course,” Edward said, giving a charming smile. “Elizabeth P from Biology. You look just like her.”

“So do you and-whose this, your niece?” she asked, gesturing to Nessie. 

“Yes,” Edward said, ruffling Nessie’s hair. She grinned mischievously because she thought the niece thing was funny. As they left the cashier gave an awkward white person smile to Jacob. He didn’t need to be a mind reader to tell she didn’t know how he fit into the Cullen tapestry.  

“She thought you were our bodyguard,” Edward whispered to him as they left the shop. 

“Yeah, because you need a bodyguard in Forks,” Jacob scoffed. Though, when he thought about it, Forks had been extremely dangerous in the past few years. Not that normal people knew that. 

The sun was long set by the time they reached the graveyard. Nessie led the way, walking briskly on the path she knew by heart. They saw the flowers before they arrived, so many they were in danger of covering the headstone. 

“She’d hate this,” Edward said when he saw it, a sad smile on his face. 

“She would?” Nessie said, pausing in her motion to put the flowers down.

“Not you,” Edward was quick to reassure. “The attention. That doesn’t mean she didn’t deserve it. I think she’d be happy if it was you.”

“She definitely would,” Jacob said confidently. 

A cold breeze blew through Nessie’s hair as she knelt down and looked at the head stone, thinking thoughts only her parents would hear.

Jacob knew it was time to go back to school when Nessie knew more math then he did. He didn’t really care about graduating highschool, seeing as he wouldn’t have a normal life anyways, but he hated the idea of her knowing more than him. Or maybe the idea that she wouldn’t be able to come to him for help. Either way, it was happening. 

Most of Sam’s pack hadn’t changed, but a few were trying to go back to normality. It was mostly the imprinted guys that wanted structure. Leah (always the exception) was long gone in California, making friends and her own niche as day laborer. She was happy, really genuinely happy. Jacob was irrevocably jealous. 

He was spending more time away from the Cullens’ home and Nessie wanted to follow. This opened a whole can of worms on whether or not she counted as a “vampire”. If she did, she couldn’t enter La Push according to the rules of the treaty. It was a whole back and forth, but in the end Jacob imprinting on Nessie was the nail in the coffin. Nessie was family, even if she was a vampire, and family belonged. And thus she made her Rez debut. 

It went down with a fair bit of ogling on both sides. Nessie had only ever been in Forks, and only in one other house on top of that. In addition to that, everyone wanted to see her and talk to her, even the ones not in the loop. Throughout the entire meal at the Black house, people were popping in with some excuse or another. Nessie took it all in stride but was happiest after dinner when she got to play with Claire, who was down to visit.

“It’s a weird world we’re living in,” Billy remarked as Quil and Jacob watched the girls with grins on their faces. 

“What?” Jacob asked, somewhat defensively. 

“Two teenage boys sitting around like a couple of proud dads instead of, I don’t know, wrestling for a game controller or something.” Quil laughed and Jacob rolled his eyes. He wanted to say something about Nessie already having a dad, but felt too embarrassed for some reason.

Some days when he left La Push after school he was greeted by Nessie, hidden away in the woods with a Cullen at the distance. She’d latch on to him, excitedly telling him what she learned that day. She took his re-enrollment as a challenge and was now determined to be smarter than him. He wasn’t exactly Emmett on degrees of competitiveness, but they might of had a sort of rivalry going on. 

And so fall turned to winter, and with winter came some visits from some of the Cullens’ various vampire connections. First, Nessie had a second meeting with one of the Brazilian half human-vampire hybrids. It was the only dude, a guy named Nahuel that was less vampire-y and creepy then his sisters. He didn’t exactly carry around a phone, so it wasn’t like they could call each other and chat, so Nessie was looking forward to seeing him again. She caught him off guard with a hug, which he then returned after looking to Jacob and Edward for an ok. They were possibly being intimidating. Maybe he rolled up his sleeves and stood up straighter than usual. Edward could have shown off his mind reading some. Nothing crazy. 

After Nahuel’s visit were some other vegetarian vampires that made Jacob’s hackles rise. One of them had been the vampire that visited when Nessie was around 2 months old, the one Jacob never met. He wouldn’t be meeting her this time, either, as he had been politely and discreetly told in not so many words to fuck off when they showed up. He didn’t ask but assumed it was some weird vampire racism and was only too happy to oblige. When he did pop in after Nessie (and he) whined, the house was full of an unfamiliar stink that made him break out in goosebumps. He hadn’t realized how used to the Cullen’s scent he had gotten. But this one really did seem worse, a sort of icey, stale freezer burn smell. Nessie excitedly told him about her new aunts while he looked over his back every five minutes. He was happy when they left for good and he could come back home. It might’ve just been his imagination, but Edward seemed happier too. Or whatever “happy” was for the wooden doll left in his place. 

One rare, sunny afternoon in early spring, Jacob left school and was greeted by the sight of Nessie in the parking lot. She had never been this far into La Push by herself. And more alarmingly, she was with some unknown woman in running clothes. Her stance was hunched over as if she was trying to disappear into the gravel and she had an expression Jacob had never seen her with, a mixture of fear and shame. 

“Nessie!” he said, jogging over with his hand up. He tried to keep his tone polite and non-aggressive, but it must’ve not been enough. The lady shifted her focus and frowned, putting a hand on Nessie’s shoulder. 

“Can I help you?” she asked. 

“Can I help you ?” he shot back. This was bad. He was failing spectacularly and getting angry, actually angry, not just annoyed. He tried to tamp it down and return to a more conversational tone. “Did you wander off from your dad again? I’ll help you find him, let’s go,” Jacob said, holding out his hand for Nessie. She looked panicked. 

“Wait, wait. Do you know this man, sweetie?” the lady asked Nessie, ignoring him. 

“Yes!” Nessie said. 

“How?” the lady asked. Jacob breathed in and out. She was just trying to help. It’d be reasonable for any other seemingly 6 year old.  

“He’s-” 

Oh, no. Come on, Nessie. Don’t choke on this now.

 “He’s my dad’s friend,” Nessie said, and then cringed at her own answer. 

Why’d she react like that? Was it that obvious him and Edward weren’t friends? Wait, weren’t they friends? 

“Oh,” the lady said. “You’re friends with Edward Cullen?” It took a second for Jacob to realize what she said. Dad. Edward Cullen. This random lady knew Nessie’s dad was Edward. 

ABORT MISSION ABORT

Jacob tried not to look like he was shitting his pants and took Nessie’s hand. She was clammy and sent a quick flashback of the lady running in the woods, seeing Nessie and immediately blurting if she was “Edward Cullen’s lovechild” in surprise. And Nessie, equally caught off guard, said “Yes?”. The mistakes of the inexperienced. Now Jacob’s anger was 100% fully directed at himself. 

“Last time I checked, Uncle Edward wasn’t your dad ,” he laughed, rustling her hair. She clenched his hand tightly and looked down at her feet. It took over ten minutes to convince the lady that Jacob wasn’t a child murderer (Yeah, I work for the Cullens) and that Nessie really was fine (She’s very shy) before they could leave. After doing some random cover up zig zags into the maze of cars they snuck away to the woods, back on their usual route. Jacob let out a huge sigh when the view was finally obscured with greenery and the quiet sounds of nature returned.  

“Well, that was rough,” he said. 

“I’m sorry,” Nessie cried. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. It sent a jolt down his spine, how familiar the sight of Bella’s eyes filled with tears was. 

“What were you doing so far in by yourself? It isn’t safe, Nessie, you know it isn’t.”

“Sorry. I just. Wanted some space,” she said softly. “It was stupid. I’m stupid.”

“Hey!” Jacob said, stopping in his tracks. “You’re not stupid! Never call yourself stupid. You’re the smartest person I know! You just aren’t used to talking to people and shit. You’ll get there.” Nessie sighed and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her jacket.

“I’m not the smartest person you know,” she retorted.

“Yes, you are.” 

“You know Carlisle! And Father! And Alice .” 

“Yeah, and you’re smarter than all of them,” Jacob said with confidence. Nessie rolled her eyes, but she was smiling now. 

“Okay, then you’re smarter than them, too. If I can’t be stupid, you surely can’t be.”

“I can’t even begin to describe to you how wrong you are.” Nessie faced him with the stance of a lecturing teacher. 

“I’m not! If I’m the smartest person you know, you have to take my word for it!” she said sternly. “You truly aren’t stupid! You know how to do everything! And you’re really good at talking to people.” 

Jacob was relieved she saw him that way. But she really was ignorant of how people worked, especially him, if she had such faith in him. He couldn’t help but wish it stayed like that for as long as it could.

Chapter Text

“Oh. My. GOD. WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!” Rosalie screeched. 

“Hold on just a second!” Jacob said. 

“How do I look?” Nessie asked, twirling around excitedly. 

It was a humid spring day and Nessie had cut her hair. She’d done it while Jacob was at school and all the girls (and Edward) were out. So basically anyone that would’ve had something to say about it. When Jacob returned home he knew there were going to be fits thrown when everyone else got back. But he hadn’t expected to be blamed for it. 

“You think I did this?” he asked, gesturing to the long locks of bronze curls he was currently sweeping up. Nessie kept flouncing about, tracking them all over the kitchen floor. 

“Don’t I look like you, Alice?” Nessie asked her aunt excitedly. Said aunt was on the floor in deep mourning over her niece's hair. 

“Who else would do this?!” Rosalie yelled, ignoring the fact that Emmett and Jasper were supposed to be the ones in charge. 

“No way I’m taking the fall on this,” Jacob said. “Edward, tell them. This was all Nessie.” The hot seat turned to Edward as Rosalie began grilling him on who really cut Nessie’s hair. And then, when he admitted it had been Nessie, why hadn’t he told her Nessie had been thinking about cutting her hair?!

“The dutch braid I was learning...sweet little bows….the fire photoshoot…” Alice sobbed inconsolably. Jasper leaned against her, wrapping an arm around her and desperately trying to lift her mood. Some things are just too traumatic for vampire powers.

“Well. I like my hair,” Nessie said, putting her hands on her hips. 

“You look great, Nessie,” Jacob told her. Rosalie finally turned her wrath onto the perpetrator of the crime. 

“Renesmee Cullen,” she said in a terrifying tone. “Sit down right now. You’re not going anywhere with that haircut.” 

“What are you going to do?” Jacob asked, suddenly alarmed. It sounded like Rosalie was going to revenge shave Nessie’s hair or something. 

“I’m going to fix it,” she said grimly. “It looks horrid . The edges are all uneven.” Jacob thought it looked fine. Maybe a little choppy. But he’d done worse. “AND DON’T THINK I’VE FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU!” she shouted upstairs to Emmett. Jacob wished he had anything to help the poor bastard, but he was doomed. 

“Alice, stop moping,” Edward said. “It’ll grow back.” Alice stopped her slump on the ground, hands full of hair. 

“Oh,” she said. Jacob laid the broom into her hands. “Right.” 

“Why are you so sad, anyway?” Nessie asked from her seat on the stool as Rosalie surveyed her head like a surgeon looking at a bad car accident victim. “You have short hair, too! I wanted to match.”

“I never wanted short hair,” Alice said with a sigh. 

“Nessie can make her own decisions,” Edward said. Alice looked at Nessie, her pouting turning to something more thoughtful.  

“Of course she can,” she said. 

Sudden hair decisions weren’t Nessie’s only growing pains. The disastrous incident of last year with the lady in the woods had shaken her, and she hadn’t been out much since. But she was stretching her wings in other ways. She asked for a pair of tennis shoes, which then promptly needed to be replaced a week later when she grew out of them. The next pair she wore down by running around with Jacob. Their hunts were getting a little out of hand. They got a dour lecture when they felled a tree near a road and some forest rangers got interested. Jacob thought nothing mattered as long as Nessie was eating, but he grudgingly agreed to reign it in. 

School was hard. Ok, it technically wasn’t more difficult than it was before. But now, whenever Jacob needed help, he didn’t know who to ask. Before, it would’ve been his dad. But their relationship had changed in a way where he would’ve felt embarrassed asking for math help. Like he was supposed to be bigger than that now. In the back of his mind, he knew this was wrong. But things had changed too much to face that. Everyday he tapped more and more of his thoughts down. Nothing mattered except Nessie. 

And he’d rather die than ask one of the Cullens for school help. Texting Leah to ask about homework seemed ridiculous. So he found answers on his own. And since the goal of “being smarter than Nessie” was quickly becoming impossible, he was settling with just “graduate from highschool”. After that was nothing. 

“Let's do a group project.” Jacob lifted his head from his mandatory summer reading at Nessie’s sudden statement. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said, an automatic reflex. Nessie sat down on the couch next to him, barely making a dent in it. “Wait, what? A group project? In summer?

“Education stops for no one, Jake,” Nessie said as she dumped a huge stack of books onto the coffee table. “Summer is no excuse to stop learning.”

“You're just saying that because you don’t have a summer break.”

“Yes, and I’m so miserable I’m trying to drag you into it,” Nessie said sarcastically, making Jacob grin. 

“Do you need to pick up another hobby? Rosalie can give you those etiquette lessons.” They both shuddered. 

“I wanna do a group project,” Nessie said firmly. 

“What’s our group project about?” 

“Father, explain it.” Edward came out of the shadows with a music book. Jacob hadn’t realized this was an Edward Class project. Not that that was a bad thing. Just unexpected. He completely zoned out as Edward began to explain the “group project”, something to do with music theory and a presentation. Jacob doubted his mad recorder skills were going to be of any help here. 

“Hey. Pay attention,” Nessie said, kicking him with a socked foot. 

“Sometimes I think you’re the mind reader around here,” Jacob muttered. 

“We’re all going to do the group project together. You, me, and Father.”

“Teacher’s helping? That doesn’t happen in school,” Jacob said. 

“I don’t even go to school, so obviously this is a special case,” Nessie said. “Keep up! Father is good at pretending not to know things anyway.” Edward raised an eyebrow and smiled. 

“No brain talking,” Jacob said, and then, “Oh Almighty and Knowledgeable Renesmee.” 

“What is your query, humble peon?” Nessie said, putting both hands together and assuming a regal position. 

“Just tell me what this entails.” 

“She wants to drag us to a library,” Edward said. 

“You know you could’ve just asked us to go to a library,” Jacob said. 

“It’s not just about wanting to go to the library! It’s about working in a team environment!” Nessie insisted. Jacob thought she just wanted an excuse to go to a library, but if this is what made her feel comfortable with engaging with the outside world, he’d do a hundred fake music theory projects.

They went to a library in Port Angeles when it was quietest, a Thursday night. Learning this was a natural talent of the Cullens, who always needed that sort of information. Though their first attempt ended in failure, as it was more crowded then expected and Edward said he didn’t want to risk it. It sucked to have driven all that way just to go back, but Nessie was surprisingly calm about it. She was still clearly traumatized from the lady in the woods incident. Jacob wished it hadn’t happened, but it taught her a valuable lesson about keeping a low profile. 

Compared to then, she looked more normal nowadays. She was keeping her hair shoulder length, even though that meant having to trim it every two weeks. She’d also gotten better at containing her strength and practicing human kid movements. Alice and Rosalie were being moderate in their clothes choices for her outings. She drew less stares, as long as she was where she was supposed to be. 

The next time the library passed the Edward Check and they went in. Nessie looked around excitedly. It was only her second time being in a public library, and she could never get enough of the displays and random people scattered about. Edward steered them to a secluded corner and Nessie put down her large pile of notebooks and scholarly supplies.

“Let’s go to the nonfiction section!” she whispered to Jacob, bouncing from one foot to another. 

“Do you remember the Dewey decimal system?” he asked. 

“Of course I do! Do you ?”

“Why bother when I have you?” 

“You stay here and guard our books in case anyone tries to steal them,” Nessie told Edward mockingly. He rolled his eyes but remained sitting. 

Nessie perused the music section while Jacob waited around. A book on motorcycle repair caught his eye and a sudden stabbing pain hit him in the heart, raw and violent. He looked at Nessie crouched down, reading a book, and saw both of them. His mind was in a sort of paradox, where he remembered her and the fact that she was gone, and saw Nessie anew and loved her so, so much. The burning, bittersweet feeling consumed him entirely like a flame eating him alive. And then it was just warm. 

“You okay, Jake?” Nessie whispered, seeing something in his face that gave him away. 

“Yeah,” he croaked before clearing his throat. “I will be. I’m just tired. You find anything good?”

“They’re not the best, but they’ll do.” 

When they came back to the table Edward was in a contemplative state, head in hands. He watched both of them as they sat down and Nessie began rattling off a book's table of contents. Him and Jacob locked eyes for a moment and Edward nodded. There was something different about him. His eyes weren’t dull, like they usually were when Jacob thought of her. There was an almost lightness to him. Neither of them said anything. And Nessie wasn’t versed enough to pick up on Edward’s too subtle body language. So the moment was only theirs. 

The “group project” started, consisting mostly of Nessie telling Jacob to write things down and Jacob doing so. She had fun, which was all that mattered. Jacob ended up learning a bit about music theory, which also might have been part of her plan. She was devious, that one. They only left when the library closed, running into a librarian locking the doors on the way out. 

“Have a nice night,” he said offhandedly, smiling at them.

“Good night!” Nessie said. Jacob caught an odd expression on Edward’s face then, a sort of bemused expression. 

“What’s so funny?” he asked as they stepped outside. 

“That man thought we were a family,” Edward said. 

“So-oh, wait, like that? Oh my god.” 

“What’s so funny?” Nessie asked. “We are.” 

Chapter Text

At the ripe age of 4, Nessie was in her teen rebellion phase. 

She looked 11, had the reading comprehension of a college graduate, and acted like an angsty 14 year old. She tried to leave the house as often as she could to get out from under the panopticon that was the Cullen household. It’s hard to sneak away when your overprotective dad is literally a mind reader and everyone living with you has superhuman abilities. And yet she managed. She was smart and knew methods of distraction and sneakery only someone that grew up there would know. 

Most of the time someone would find her in the woods close to the house, reading or writing. She’d sigh and complain about being followed everywhere, or if it was a particularly bad day, get angry. But sometimes they’d search the whole woods and have to move into town. A few times Jacob had to search La Push, in a frantic frenzy by the time he found her. He’d be upset, and she’d be upset that he was upset, and the Cullens would be upset with both of them. It sucked royally. 

She cut her hair often and with malicious intent. She wouldn’t let her aunts fix it, keeping it above her ears. Jacob thought it should be up to her if she wanted crazy hair, but of course he wasn’t allowed to have a say in Nessie’s wardrobe. Of which there was an increasing percentage of pants and tennis shoes. All of Bella’s clothes that hadn’t been taken already were in Nessie’s closet. She slept with that first flannel she’d gotten, though she tried to tuck it under her pillow so nobody could see it. But there weren’t secrets in that house, and that was the core of Nessie’s problems.

“Leah is sticking around so she can say bye to you.” 

Striking red and yellow leaves tumbled through the crisp autumn air. Nessie sat in a tree near the edge of an overlook, headphones in as she listened to music on her iPod. Jacob had spoken in a normal tone but knew she could hear him from the ground. Vampire powers were a curse, sometimes, especially for angsty 4 year olds. 

“I thought she would’ve left by now,” Nessie said, somewhat guiltily, taking out her headphones. 

“Nope. She wanted to say bye to your face. Are you fighting with her now, too?” If anyone else asked that question they would’ve gotten a scowl in return, but Nessie just rolled her eyes. 

“No way. Leah is cool.” Jacob began climbing up the tree. It was an easy one, with lots of branches, and he quickly made it up to the branch she was sitting on. He sat next to her, hoping the tree could handle his weight. 

“So why’re you sitting a mile away getting your butt wet on some tree?” Nessie didn’t answer, just picked at the rain soaked bark beneath her. Jacob didn’t push. Holding back was a luxury she couldn’t take with her dad. 

“I don’t know,” she finally said. 

“Come on, you know everything.” That got him a glare. “Okay, I’ll guess. Is it because...she’s smelly?”

“Jake!” Nessie said, but was smiling now. Thank god. “That’s not it.”

“Is it…because her and Rosalie are friends?”

“Why would that make me run off?”

“Because any friend of Rosalie is your enemy.”

“If I talk will you shut up?” He made a lip zipping motion. Nessie took a few moments to collect her thoughts. 

“I think I’m jealous of her. Nobody can read her mind 24/7. She has a bunch of cool friends. Nobody knows she’s a shapeshifter. She’s just normal.” 

“Hm. Yeah, she’s got it good.” 

“Thanks for the encouragement, Uncle Jacob.” They both made barfing sounds at the title. Esme was trying to make it happen and it was never going to happen.  

“Honestly, though, I don’t know what to tell you,” he said. “Leah has everything you want right now. But you kind of have everything she wants. You get to be around your family, where you grew up- are growing up. And while you’re here you don’t get treated like everyone is just putting up with you and you know about it the whole time because you could read their minds about it years ago.” Nessie hmmm ed in reply but didn’t say anything. Jacob sat waiting. He could only wonder what she was thinking, and hope what he said was enough. That it was anything. 

“Okay. Let’s go say bye to Leah,” Nessie said after a while. 

Despite hugging Leah with a big smile on her face and apologizing, Nessie seemed closed off. Jacob didn’t know how to help. When he talked to his dad he said it was typical teenage angst, that it was a phase, that she’d get over it. But Nessie wasn’t a typical teenager. She was 4 years old and immortal and killed living animals every week to eat. There was no guide map for how she was supposed to act. And all the signs currently pointed to always unhappy, always angry and always upset. Jacob knew what feeling like that all the time was like, and he wished he could take it away from her and protect her from her own heart. Because the way he got out of it absolutely would not work with her. 

After Jacob graduated from highschool, he did nothing for a few months. And then he realized he’d go crazy at that rate. College was a definite “no” because thinking that far in advance for his future was laughable. So a job it was. He ended up working at an auto shop nearby, and it wasn’t bad. He liked the work (even if he was a little rusty at first) and it felt good to do something with his hands. He spoke to his coworkers and customers as little as possible, trying to keep a low profile—if a 6”7 guy could keep a low profile. People were kind enough. But he never felt like he belonged. 

Some days he and Nessie shared a mood. When she woke up frustrated, Jacob would be frustrated. He’d go to work and a customer would be testy and he’d have to hold back from screaming. Leah’s meditation breathing shit came in handy. That and the knowledge that if he blew it he’d ruin everything for everyone , not just his family. That was, Nessie and her family. Then he’d come back home and Nessie would be gone, everyone in a frenzy trying to find her. Once they did, he’d fall into bed exhausted and sleep for 14 hours straight. Rinse and repeat. 

Things came to a head that spring. It was a wet day, per Forks’ usual. Edward, Jasper, and Emmett were away on a Super Special Cullen Boy Camping Trip, which meant Nessie and Jacob could relax a bit. “Relaxing” entailed stalking a deer and killing it with their bare hands (or paws). Nessie’s kill was immaculate, painlessly and cleanly ending the deer before it even knew what happened. Jacob’s was, well, how a giant wolf kills things: messy. Nessie sat all the way on the other side of the clearing groaning as Jacob theatrically tore into his meal. 

“You’re totally doing that on purpose!” she said. “Ew, Jake, not the intestines!” It had been ages since he saw her laugh this much. He loved it. 

The wind changed direction and Jacob smelled the familiar scent of Edward. He was a few hours early, not that rare of an occasion. Jacob continued eating goofily, expecting him to show up eventually after putting his things away and checking in with everyone at the house. But instead he was there now , in the clearing with them. Jacob stopped his chewing in surprise. Nessie, who apparently hadn’t smelled him, looked even more surprised—no, shocked . Jacob immediately realized something was wrong. 

Edward didn’t say anything, just stared Nessie down. She looked like Jacob’s deer had right before he killed it. 

“Renesmee,” Edward said. Nessie finally broke eye contact and looked away, angry tears welling up in her eyes. Jacob shot up.  

What’s going on? Why is she crying?

“Why don’t you tell Jacob what’s going on?” Edward asked stiffly. Nessie remained silent. 

Witnessing a fight between a parent and child when you only have one side of the conversation is truly bizarre. Even though it was happening on a more regular basis these days, it was impossible to supply the utterly unknown. 

“You knew you couldn’t hide it that long,” Edward said in reply to something only he heard. Nessie sniffled. 

Edward, what’s going on?

“And how long would that be? How long until she notices how fast you grow?” 

Who’s she? Who are you talking about?

“We both know that isn’t true.” 

Jacob had enough. He barked a loud, quick bark, setting a flock of birds resting in some nearby trees into the air. 

SOMEONE BETTER TELL ME WHAT’S GOING ON, NOW!

Edward sighed and ran a hand over his face. 

“Show him, Nessie,” he said. Nessie dried her tears and held up a hand. Jacob eagerly padded over and put his wet wolf nose into it.

Nessie had made a secret friend in Forks. A nerdy 13 year old who read in her backyard. Her name was Sydney. Nessie had seen her during one of her sneaky visits into town to watch people without being seen, but her attention was caught when she noticed the book the girl was reading. Nessie loved that book. She had only ever spoken to three other children in her whole life. She said hi. They’d met twice.

We’re suffocating her , Jacob realized. 

“We’re keeping her safe.” 

“What’s going on?” Rosalie asked. Everyone else had arrived, alerted by Jacob’s bark. The whole ordeal got infinitely times more chaotic as Edward explained what happened while Nessie fumed. Jacob phased back, far past the point of modesty, and hastily put on his sweatpants to defend Nessie. There were differing sides and all of them were upset. Nessie cried, people yelled.

In the end it was determined her friend posed a minimal risk, but a risk all the same. Nessie hadn’t told her friend where she lived or about her family. Just that she lived nearby and her name was “Ida”. But that didn’t matter. She couldn’t see her again. Any more interaction, and questions would be asked that couldn’t be answered, or her friend would tell a parent about the weird girl from nowhere. Or Nessie would make a mistake. 

But things were clear to Jacob now. Renesmee couldn’t live like this anymore. She had known very well the consequences such an act could have on her and her family’s livelihood. But the need for a new friend had outweighed it. Jacob felt like he had failed her. Like he wasn’t enough. 

“Nessie doesn’t think of you as a friend. You’re her family.” It was after Nessie’s bedtime. The house had fallen into a deep quiet. Jacob sat in the kitchen with an untouched cup of coffee. He’d been so deep in thought, he hadn’t noticed Edward enter the room. 

What? 

“Nessie doesn't consider you her friend,” Edward repeated. “You’re family. We’re all in the same boat here.” 

Oh. 

Edward sat down next to him with a sigh. Jacob carefully wrapped the feeling those words gave him in a protective layer and asked,

How the hell did this happen? How did she get away with it? I mean, it’s not like we don’t know what she was feeling!

“You’re right,” Edward said, but a stiffness in his jaw conveyed something he didn’t. 

That wasn’t a personal jab. She’s been acting up for months. 

Despite his thoughts, Jacob did have to wonder how it had gone on so long without Edward knowing. Not in a blaming way, but pure curiosity. He was good at keeping things from Edward, but it wasn’t big secrets like that. More of personal feelings.

Edward sighed again. This was a lot of sighing for someone who didn’t need to breathe.

“She has this method of double thinking,” he said. “It’s like she overcrowds with many thoughts instead of just repeating one. She’s as good as Alice at this point.”

Why does that sound like an excuse? Like, I don't doubt that she does that. But there's more. 

Edward’s face was unusually emotive as a tiny ripple appeared on his brow. 

“She wants to keep me out. So I’m trying to let her.” 

What, like, tune her out? Edward barely nodded. Huh. I didn’t know you could do that. 

“It’s…difficult.” Edward admitting something was difficult was basically the equivalent of a normal person breaking down into tears and screaming that something was impossible. Neither of them addressed that fact out loud. Instead, they both sighed simultaneously and then laughed in surprise. Jacob took a short sip of his coffee, kept warmer longer in his hands then it would’ve in a human’s. 

“You ever wish you could drink coffee still?” 

“I can drink it. It just doesn’t taste good.”

“Christ, being a vampire is depressing.”

“Says the guy who has to tie pants around his leg.”

“I do that for the consideration of others.”

“When will you learn you can’t lie to a mind reader?” Edward asked with a sly smile, leaning his head on one hand to look Jacob in the eyes. Jacob nearly choked on his coffee. 

“I’m constantly in a state of denial,” he said hastily. 

“I know,” Edward said, his smile fading. 

Things had to change for Nessie. Drastically. The rate of her growth hadn’t slowed to a feasibly human way yet. In about two years, she could conceivably pass as human for a long period of time. But it couldn’t be in Forks. That much was obvious. She was clearly tied to Bella, and the greater vampire world would notice that and her connection to the Cullens. That, more than anything else, could never happen. 

The concept of a boarding school was introduced and Jacob felt like his heart was being skewered on an iron pike. It would take a while to find a suitable school, and Nessie wouldn’t be able to go for at least a year, but that felt like a paltry amount of time to Jacob. He couldn’t imagine a life without seeing her everyday. He buried that feeling deep down and passionately argued for Nessie’s freedom. 

Until her growth slowed down, they decided Nessie could see the world. If she traveled without staying too long in one place, the rate of her growth wouldn’t be detectable to the humans around her. That, and a lot of bullshit cover-their-ass moves from keeping the vampire mafia off their backs, and they should- could be fine. Theoretically. 

Jacob was going, that was a given. He’d be able to go everywhere without checking the weather forecast in advance. But who they’d be joined by was a tricky conundrum. The Bullshit determined they definitely wouldn’t be able to go together as a group, but just Jacob and Nessie alone was dangerous. There were countless risks to factor in. The Cullens knew from past experience that a bigger group stood out more, especially when they’d be avoiding the sun. 

In the end, it was decided there’d be a core group traveling the whole time, and they’d meet up with different family members in different countries. The core group would be Nessie, Jacob, and finally, the most helpful when dealing with humans, Edward. Carlisle and Esme would be there when they went to visit other vampire families. Everyone else would be on hidden guard duty, which involved a lot of bribing and a little intimidation. 

It was a family vacation of overwhelmingly dangerous proportions to plan, where if things didn’t go exactly according to plan, it would mean death for all of them and everyone they ever cared about. But the cause was just. They couldn't wait until Nessie slowed down growing. She needed to live. Now. 

Chapter Text

“Jake! Jake! Let’s take a picture!” 

Jacob put down the mall’s worth of shopping bags he was holding so he could wrestle his phone out of his pocket. It was a blindingly sunny, beautiful day in Agra, so needless to say, they were without vampire accompaniment. Besides Nessie, who glowed slightly in the sun. It wasn’t to a too distracting extent, though, and could be believed to be due to her pale skin. 

“Uh, what are we taking a picture of?” Jacob said when he got the phone out and realized Nessie had just stopped in front of a random food stall. People flowed around them on the street. That was something Jacob would never take for granted. In Forks he and Nessie were big. In the wider world, they were just two more tourists. 

“Dad said we’d find at least 50 stalls selling that, remember? This is the 50th!”

“You’ve been counting ?”

“Obviously,” Nessie said, rolling her eyes. “Who would believe that? But he's right, so I’m humbling myself. Take a picture of me in front of it!” 

“You’re the boss.” 

Nessie exchanged a few words with the man at the stall, who was surprised this random little white girl spoke such fluent Hindi. It was times like these that she became big again. Nessie had been well prepared in every country they traveled to. Because even if she didn’t know the language there when they arrived, she’d be passable by the time they left. Sometimes she was so good, Edward told her to pretend she didn’t understand, as to not attract attention. But he wasn’t there right now, and Nessie was having fun. 

She bought a few things from the stall and then posed with them for a picture before offering them all to Jacob. 

“How the hell do you expect me to carry all this? I don't have the magic girl hands thing.”

“You’re such a complainer,” Nessie said dismissively. “Just walk and eat. I’ll carry the bags.” And she picked them all up without a second thought. 

“Hey, whoa-those are too heavy for you!” Jacob hastily reminded her. 

“Oh-yeahhhhhh,” Nessie said unconvincingly, letting the bags droop to the ground. “Ouchie! That really hurt! Stoplaughingandtakethebags.” Jacob swiftly ended his charade and moved the bags to one hand so he could carry the food in his other. One upside to being huge was that he could perform acts of strength without setting off alarm bells. Unlike Nessie, who had to remember to act her size. Otherwise they’d attract unwanted and incredibly in awe attention. Like when someone recorded Nessie lifting playground equipment in Florida and Edward had had to steal their phone. Thankfully, that hadn’t happened so badly since. But Nessie had her lapses on occasion when she got too excited. 

They walked back to the hotel in the stifling heat, where they were greeted like kings. Traveling with the Cullens had its many, many, many perks, one of which being the VIP treatment at every luxury hotel they stayed at. 

“Stairs game,” Nessie said as they approached the elevator. 

“We’re 15 stories up.”

“I’ll win!”

“Your funeral.” 

When the elevator arrived Nessie dashed to the stairs, eliciting a few judging stares from the other rich hotel goers. The stairs game was a Nessie invention due to her delight with elevators. She’d try to beat the elevator by running up to their floor via the stairs. It wasn't just an athletic game, but also one of chance, as very rarely someone would be on the stairs. Then she’d have to run at a normal human speed. Most of the time she’d win. But she lived for the risk.

When the elevator doors opened Jacob was greeted by the sound of joined laughter and he knew he’d lost.

This was his favorite part of the day. Traveling the world and enjoying the benefits of doing so with ridiculously wealthy people was an experience hard to beat. Jacob saw things in person he’d only seen in textbooks. But every time Edward wasn’t able to accompany them because it wasn’t overcast, or the destination wasn't open at night, there was an underlying thrum of missing him. They took more pictures and came home early on those days. Things only felt complete when they were together.

“-and it wasn’t any bigger than my hand, I could’ve held it in my palm!” Nessie was saying excitedly. Edward leaned against the hallway wall with his back to the elevator. He raised a hand in greeting to Jacob. The other was in the excited grasp of Nessie as she sent a deluge of scenes and experiences. 

“I wonder why we sign you up for all these tours when the highlight of your day is seeing some dog,” Edward said. His fangs were on full display, a big grin on his face. 

“Jake, show him the picture of the food stall-you were right , so much for not knowing the area well!” 

“All cities are the same when you’ve been to enough. Why are you showing me this?” he asked Jacob. “I already saw it.”

“Pictures are clearer than memory!” Nessie insisted. Edward stalwartly accepted seeing the picture a second time before insisting they get back to their rooms for dinner. 

Jacob was so used to eating alone while two people sipped out of blood bags that it didn’t even register as weird anymore. 

“We’ll be able to hunt when we get to Egypt,” Edward said. Both Nessie and Jacob made noises of disgust. “Animals, people, come on. Nessie, you can’t.” 

“Brain talking,” Jacob said around a mouthful of real food. 

“She wants to try and convince Benjamin again,” Edward explained. As in convert Benjamin to vampire vegetarianism. 

“Good,” Jacob said. 

“No. Listen, you two. Everything you want to say has already been said to them. They’ve been like that for thousands of years.” 

“Okay, I’ll take a little longer to form my argument,” Nessie said. Edward sighed but didn’t push further. “Benjamin will get there eventually. Him and Tia are cool. On their own,” she said slightly under her breath. 

“Amun is such an asshole,” Jacob said. 

“He’s good, though,” Edward said. “...As in good at staying hidden . Things would be much more difficult without their help.” 

“Not a fan of this Amun-cheerleader-Edward,” Jacob told him. 

“Someone has to be devil’s advocate.” 

“No they don’t,” Jacob said, but dropped it at that. 

Nessie may have been able to temporarily shelve her dislike of the Egyptian coven’s lifestyle, but for Jacob it was all consuming. They were the type of monsters he’d heard about as a kid come to life. Not to mention Amun was an asshole, vampire shit aside. Vampire shit back, he was a murderer and control freak. Yeah, that control had been helpful in keeping secrets secret, but that didn’t mean Jacob had to like it. And the dislike went both ways. Amun had been courteous when Carlisle asked if Nessie could visit due to her friendship with Benjamin. But when Jacob was added to the mix he became testy. 

Every vampire pit stop along the way had been equally tense. Given, there’d only been two, but they were fucking awkward. Nessie’s excitement was what bore him through it each time. Still, he was expecting a lot of standing around and glaring, both receiving and delivering, and many sleepless nights. 

After dinner Edward and Nessie started her schooling. There was a lot to cover before she’d be starting next year in 9th grade-if she wanted to look like it wasn’t her first time in school. Jacob took a tiny bottle of champagne that probably cost more than a car and gravitated to the balcony. 

He looked out at the beautiful city lit in yellows and whites and drank a bit, letting the loud street sounds wash over him. Even a full bottle of champagne wouldn’t have put a dent in him, but it was something to drink. He had a moment where he thought no one even knows I’m underage drinking before he realized he wasn’t. He was 22. His current fake passport said he was 26, which felt as ludicrous as 22. He looked back in the room as Nessie silently worked on a math problem, her father watching her. He met Jacob’s gaze and gave a dry smile and a half shrug. 

You get used to it, Jacob could practically hear. 

Carlisle and Esme were their greeting party at the Egyptian coven’s private airport. It was a bright, clear day and they were sparkling like a pair of disco balls, but that was the power of such an established group. The human pilot just went on unloading their suitcases, not giving them a second glance. Jacob had to squint slightly as Esme hugged him so he wouldn’t blind himself.

“How was the flight?” Carlisle asked as they shook hands.

“Ness was bouncing off the walls,” Jacob said. 

“Renesmee!” Further down the track under the shade of an umbrella was the young Benjamin and his partner Tia. He'd always been warm, but it had taken Tia a while to open up. She now smiled as Nessie dashed towards them and accepted the big hug from the smaller girl. “Welcome to Egypt, finally!” Benjamin said. “And Jacob Black. Honored to have you here.” 

“Thanks,” Jacob said awkwardly. Nessie and the two vampires were soon as thick as thieves and Jacob felt like a floundering idiot. He had nothing to do now that Nessie was with friends her own age (or seemed her own age, she was 5 and they were like, a hundred). 

“Now you know how I feel all day,” Edward said as they started walking down a simple stone path to the house. They walked past gardens filled with workers carefully trimming the foliage to stay in their rigid, unnatural shapes. 

What, like a housewife whose kids are all out at school?  

“I was thinking more like a retiree whose children moved away. You think of me as a housewife?”

No, like— I feel like a housewife, not that-

“Here comes Amun,” Edward interjected, his mischievous tone quickly gone. “Let him do his thing.”

Amun came down the path casually, like he'd come across them by chance. His lady Kebi was on his arm, looking somber as always. Jacob didn't think he'd heard her speak once in the multiple times they’d met. 

The Cullens and Amun went through the usual bullshit polite society things and Nessie was dragged from the end of the procession to be looked at and remarked on how much she had grown. Vampires and humans were alike in that sense, that they'd never shut up about how much kids seemed to grow. Though, to be fair, that was an unusual thing to notice about a vampire. They went through these rituals without acknowledging Jacob at all. 

“And Jacob Black is here as well,” Benjamin interjected at the end. Jacob looked away from the worker that was neatly snipping a flower that had grown outside of the ball shape of its bush.

“I know,” was all Amun said.

 Jacob could tell this visit was going to be a pain in the ass.

“You’ve kept all your clothes in such good condition, Renesmee, good job!” Esme said as she helped unpack that night. Lately Nessie had a track record of ripping/irremediably destroying the fancier, cuter clothes her aunts picked out for her. Her hair was longer than usual, too, adorned with barrettes and bows. 

“Only because they dissect every picture we send them,” Nessie groaned. 

“You just miss them,” Jacob said. 

“Aww,” Esme said.

“Oops, there might be a tear forming in this skirt,” Nessie threatened. 

“Did you eat before you got on the plane?” Esme asked as Jacob collapsed into a stiff, artsy looking chair.

“I did, but it's been a few days for the mosquitos,” he said. 

“I’m not too hungry yet,” Nessie said. 

“No, you're a growing girl. You need to eat!” Esme insisted. 

“I can't say I’m eager to drink whatever the blood is here, Esme,” Nessie sighed.

“We're all drinking from Carlisle sourced donations like always,” Esme stated firmly. “Nothing from Amun’s end. I promise.” 

“Okay, I’ll take something,” Nessie said. “Thanks.” 

“Jacob, I believe the chef prepared something for you. Do we want to go find the kitchen?” 

“Might as well. Let's see what kind of dank dungeon they keep this poor guy in.” 

The kitchen was nice, if a little like a model kitchen in a furniture store, and the food was very good, but Jacob had trouble looking at the meat. 

Nessie seemed to have a wonderful time in Egypt, which was good, because Jacob was sitting on pins and needles. He barely slept and spent most of the days pacing when not in a group. The one time he felt truly relaxed was when they left the mansion grounds to go hunting and he could phase and let loose with Nessie. Benjamin and Tia only came along for the beginning so they could watch him phase like he was a mildly interesting circus performance. After that, they fucked off, which Jacob was glad of. He was all for vampire reformation but this was Nessie and his time.

Thanks to Edward’s skills they managed to prevent Amun from kicking Jacob out, but apparently his thoughts on the whole thing were so bad Edward didn’t even share them. Occasionally he’d stop what he was saying and a dark expression would fall over his face or he’d make an angry noise, never clarifying what he was hearing when pressed. Those times made Jacob brace like he was about to be rushed. 

Benjamin stuck around to an abnormal degree. He knew that being around Jacob pissed Amun off, which of course was the only reason he did it. Despite the fact that he was a thousand years old or something, Benjamin acted like a teenager to an almost stereotypical degree. Him and Nessie would argue about ethical dissertations like a bunch of philosophers and then he’d show her how he could drop water on people’s heads from a room away. Jacob was glad Nessie had someone she could be like this with, because he certainly couldn’t fill either niche. And he even suffered being soaked with water occasionally because it was fucking hot in Egypt. 

Jacob shook his head like a dog with exaggerated disgruntlement as Nessie cheered. 

“You’re never going to get sick of this, are you?” he asked, taking a sip of his drink, now significantly watered down. 

They were out by the mansion’s pool, a very popular feature. Vampires liked the sun when they could get it, and the fact that the few humans there already knew what was going on, they could get as much of it as they liked. All of the Cullens were lounging around watching Nessie and the kids mess around in the water. They’d been having short races and Jacob had let his attention wander, only to be rewarded with a gallon of water to the head. Everyone laughed for the umpteenth time, including Edward. 

I can’t believe you still think that’s funny.

“You sell it for me,” Edward replied. To which he then laughed again when it happened again . 

“Alright, that’s enough!” Jacob growled. He ran towards the water and jumped in with a huge cannonball, making Nessie shriek and Benjamin yell. When Jacob went under the water sounds became muffled for a second before he heard a huge crash from above. It sounded like one of the tables against the patio. He rose swiftly to see Nessie and the kids frozen in shock. And on the patio, a table and a lounge chair in disrepair as Edward held back a struggling Amun. His teeth were bared at Jacob as he resurfaced. 

“They’re playing around, Amun,” Carlisle was saying hurriedly. He was defensive wingman and Esme was crouched protectively in front of the pool. “Splashing each other with water.” 

“Everything’s fine ,” Benjamin added. “We were just having fun.” He then added a long string of words in Arabic whose meaning were lost on Jacob but whose tone was obvious.

Amun stopped pulling against Edward, though Edward didn’t let go. It took a little more convincing before the two of them separated, Amun scowling and Edward returning it with equal spite. 

Needless to say, there wasn't any more water dropping after that. Jacob let out a big sigh of relief when the plane finally left the tarmac and they left the Egyptian coven behind, hopefully for a while. 

“Well, that could’ve gone a lot worse,” Carlisle said. 

“You have no idea,” Edward said darkly. 

“Please do not tell me I don’t want to know,” Nessie groaned into her hands. 

“Don’t let Amun trying to kill me get in the way of your friendship,” Jacob told her, patting her on the shoulder. 

“Oh, it isn’t. I’m texting Tia right now.”

“Well, I thought there’d be a little bit of trepidation.”

“It’s not Ben and Tia’s fault Amun is crazy,” Nessie said, not looking up from her phone. “This is kinda the last straw for them. It’s the last straw for me . I don’t want to even see him again.”

“I’d never let anything happen to Jacob,” Edward said softly to Nessie’s unspoken thoughts.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’d rather not see Amun again either,” Jacob said, attempting to distill the warm feeling that had risen up from those words. “Dude’s got it out for me.” Nessie didn’t reply a moment too late, grinning at her phone. 

“Sorry, it’s just-I’ve got a foot in the door,” she said. 

She had Benjamin and Tia converted to vegetarianism by the time they were back in Forks on September 1st. 

Alice threw an enormous party for them at their return, including Charlie, Renée, Billy, Seth, and unexpectedly, Leah. Nessie was so surprised when she saw her she dropped the very heavy suitcase jammed with souvenirs on Edward’s foot, breaking some delicate glass inside with a crunch . 

“Look at how tall you’ve gotten!” Leah said as they hugged. After she and Leah were done catching up she paid the party decorations their full dues and buttered her aunts up. They’d just seen Alice in Brazil, so she’d really had to rush home to bedazzle up the place. 

“Wow. You really shot up,” Charlie said when Nessie greeted him. “Guess you got that height from your dad, huh?” 

“Definitely not from our side,” Renee said. “Oh, honey! This is beautiful!” She said as she unwrapped the painting Nessie had done for her. Gifting is hard for immortal, rich vampires that already have everything, but she’d done a pretty good job. She painted art for most everyone, as art museums were one of her favorite locations in any given city. That and random cafes with a musician playing in them. Cats on the street that would follow her around and beg for her food after she unwisely gave them scraps. An old man snoring loudly in the sun. Fat pigeons bobbing their heads. Seeing the lights of ships from the beach. Speciality bookstores. Anything and everything about the world, Nessie loved with her whole heart. 

But individual paintings were a very classy and good gift to give, so she talked to people about art museums. 

They dined on the finest home cooking and looked at all the trip photos on a projector, taking hours to tell every story. Jacob was so comfortable he fell asleep on the couch and woke up to a pillow under his head and the room still full of lively chatter. His dad had gone home, not wanting to wake him but gave Edward a reminder Jacob was to come home to La Push tomorrow for his own personal welcome back party.

“God, I forgot,” Jacob said, yawning after Edward delivered the news. 

“I know,” Edward said. 

“I know you know.” 

“I know you know I know.” 

“Oh, Jake’s finally awake,” Leah said, interrupting their snickering. 

“FINALLY!” Alice said. “We can cut the cake now!” Because it turned out this welcome back party was also a slightly early birthday party, because Nessie would not actually be there the day of her birthday. 

Everyone oo-ed and ah-ed appropriately when Rosalie brought out the cake, a decadent red velvet thing with two candles. It was tradition for them to celebrate Bella’s birthday at the same time as Nessie’s, as they were just days apart, so the second candle was for her. 

“This is a big cake for just 5 people,” Jacob said, and was immediately shushed so they could sing happy birthday. Nessie spent her time on her wish, closing her eyes and clasping her hands. Jacob watched as Edward smiled a few times and also rose an eyebrow before Nessie opened her eyes and grinned at him. Then she blew out her and her mother’s candles as everyone cheered. 

“Who?” Edward asked.

“You can’t say a wish or it won't come true,” Nessie said warningly. 

“Who’d you wish about?” Jacob asked. 

“I want to know now too!” Renee chimed in. 

“I don’t know about that,” Charlie said. 

“Can I have the second slice?” Seth asked, referring to the cake. 

“Absolutely not!” Nessie said. “Not you, Seth. Let me cut it for you.”

Seth got the second slice, and a second after that, because there was a lot more cake than people that ate cake.

And so now Nessie was 6. 

Chapter Text

It was a week after Nessie and Bella’s birthday party and they were in Buttfuck Nowhere, Canada. The tiny, obscure town on the west coast was intentionally chosen, as always. The Cullens had done a lot of searching and a lot of asking and a LOT of paying and had chosen a boarding school for Nessie to attend for her freshman year of highschool. The school was not only elite but also extremely secretive. These were the kids of people that didn’t want anyone to know where their kids were. Or if they even had kids. Some of the regulations were a little psycho, like every student having to adopt a false name to be called by their classmates. But that’s what it took to get Nessie on her own, and that’s what mattered. 

Well, mostly on her own. The one caveat to Nessie being allowed to be free and independent for the first time in her life was that help, if needed, would never be far away. The Cullens had bought a small house between the town and the school. If you stood on the cliff it was perched on and looked left you’d see the shining lights of the town. And if you looked up and to your right, you’d see the looming building of the school behind tall, stately walls. It was a windy and somewhat gloomy place, a far cry from the warm Cullen household. And that’s where Edward would be staying. 

No one would be able to go up the road to the school without going past the house, hidden in the trees. It was an ideal location for watching in the shadows like a true vampire. 

Only four of them were to accompany Nessie up the cliff to the school, so they had to say their goodbyes in the gloomy house. Esme had done her best, but nice decor can only do so much. It didn’t help that most of the group was tense, whether it was Rosalie and Jasper who were pretty much fully against the whole thing or Alice who was just very anxious about it.

“Stop looking at her like she’s about to vanish,” Edward whispered to Jacob as Nessie said her goodbyes to her concerned aunts and uncles.

Hey, I’m Team Nessie. I’m technically pro-vanishing. 

“I know. I’m saying you don’t look like it. We have to send her off happily.” He was right. Jacob put a grin on his face and made a stupid joke to lighten the mood. Nessie seemed nervous but excited, as any kid on their first day of school. (With the added caveat of her entire family’s safety resting on her shoulders.) She wore the uniform, a blue blazer and red tie, and had her hair cut short like she liked it again. She’d have to trim it everyday to keep it looking like it grew at a normal rate. She’d been measuring it and comparing to averages for months. Jacob was so proud of her he felt like his heart would break. 

“Make sure Edward drives normally ,” Alice told Jacob as they made their way to the driveway. 

“Wait, Nessie wants to take pictures,” Edward said. 

“Yes, thank you, Dad,” Nessie said, pulling out her polaroid camera, her latest phase. She liked having the physical copies of pictures, though still for some reason took digital pictures of the pictures and uploaded them to an anonymous blog. 

Nessie insisted on every combination of lineup, one of her and Edward, one of her and the girls, just her and Carlisle and Esme. If Jacob didn’t know better he’d say she was stalling. 

“Okay, just me, Dad and Jake!” Nessie said finally. Edward gave her a funny look as Carlisle, the current cameraman, ushered them together. 

What’s she doing?

“I don’t know. She’s pulling out all the stops in her distraction tactics,” Edward whispered. He put a hand on her shoulder as she ignored their talking, concentrating on her mind games. 

“Closer than that, you two,” Esme said, looking behind Carlisle’s shoulder. 

“Pretend you like each other!” Rosalie called from the sidelines. This was apparently hilarious. Jacob rolled his eyes and put an arm over Edward’s shoulders.

“Now she’s sending a memory from that time you stepped in horse shit in Grazalema,” Edward said into his ear.

“Oh, yeah, I bet you’re enjoying that one,” Jacob said. 

“Aw, this is a great picture,” Esme said when it came out and Carlisle gave it a shake. 

“Let me see!” Nessie said excitedly, dashing over. Everyone expressed agreement and Nessie tucked it away with the other pictures with a smile on her face. Jacob lifted his arm from Edward’s shoulder. He’d never known how soft a vampire could be. 

“This place isn’t half bad,” Jacob said, appreciating the view of the coast from the school “yard”. The garden was bright, if contained by the limits of the courtyard size. From it you could see a greenhouse where the botanical classes took place and there was even a chicken coop and rabbit hutch.The school was a repurposed old mansion built with cold grey stone, selected for its location more than the usefulness of the building itself. The high tech security and the antiquated, grandiose architecture clashed bizarrely, both refusing to give the other the upper hand.

“Less high security than you would think,” Edward whispered, subtly glancing at a window above the yard. Jacob peeked to see a group of kids watching the handover. They all ducked out of view when spotted. “They’re just curious.” 

I may be paranoid but I’m not at ‘suspecting random kids’ yet. 

Carlisle and some suit finished talking and shook hands and he said he’d heard a lot about “Emily” (Nessie’s alias) and was looking forward to working with her. And why didn’t she say her goodbyes so Amanda could show her to her room? And that was it. It was time for Nessie to leave. 

“How are you crying already!” Nessie said when she immediately went to hug Jacob. 

“I’m not crying. It’s just windy up here,” Jacob insisted, hugging back fiercely. Nessie sent an image of them hugging, a mish-mash of countless times. It was secure and warm. “I love you,” he said, and hugged tighter. 

“Don’t squash my pictures!” she then yelped and he let go with a laugh. “You’re going to be fine, alright? I’ll call you tonight and tell you all about it-without descriptions of any students, of course,” she added hastily in regards to the strict privacy rules. 

“Talk to you soon. I love you,” Edward said as they hugged. Nessie didn’t say anything because she didn’t need to. She said her goodbyes to Carlisle and Esme, and then, slightly teary eyed herself, picked up her carry on bag and left. 

“She’s going to be fine,” Edward said, voicing their collective thoughts. 

“She’s going to be better than fine,” Jacob said. 

“Yeah. She will.” They both smiled. 

“...and he isn’t even good at the violin, he’s just technically accurate at it!” Even through the crappy quality of speaker phone, Nessie’s annoyance was clear. “He’s got no artistic vision!”

“Well, I’m sorry your punk rendition of Gustav Holst’s ‘Mars’ didn’t score the highest, Ness,” Edward said. He sat facing the back window to the windy house, watching the rain turn to snow with a disheartening slurry. “It was infinitely times more creative and wonderful.”

“This sounds like Star Wars,” Jacob said from the couch where he held his phone up to his ear. 

He hadn’t exactly planned it, but he was still in Canada. He was supposed to go back to Forks, work, maybe pick up a hobby on the side. Drown in uncertainty and depression, maybe. Instead Edward told him “you can just stay here, you know” and he…had? The cliff house seemed less desolate when there was the smell of pizza in it, anyway. Jacob was basically doing Edward a favor. 

Nessie was making strides at school, being friends with everyone, even the teachers. With one notable exception. A kid who she lovingly referred to as “Asshat” seemed to be irredeemable in her eyes after he’d made fun of friend’s hair. Asshat had recently gotten the highest score in music class, which was unacceptable. He’d played some pop song on the violin while Nessie and her hair friend adapted a classical song to the punk genre. 

“Mrs. S called his performance ‘moving’,” Nessie scoffed. “She wouldn’t know moving if Emmett threw her over a mountain.”  Okay, maybe there were two exceptions. 

“What did kids who can’t play any instrument do for this group project?” Jacob asked. 

“There aren’t any,” Nessie said. 

“What the fuck.”

“Ahh, I gotta go, Piper wants to practice! Talk to you tomorrow, guys!” 

“Love you,” Edward and Jacob said simultaneously. Nessie laughed. 

“Love you too,” she said, before hanging up. 

“She’s passionate, at the very least,” Edward said with a wistful smile. “That song was terrible, though.” 

No way. I fucked with it. Better than the original, even. 

“Wow. I don’t even know what to say to that.”

Your daughter has better music taste than you, sorry not sorry. Piano is lame.

“Why do you continue to lie when we both know it’s pointless?”

For my own amusement. 

“...and that’s why I couldn’t finish in time.”

“You had an entire month, Nessie.” 

“Who cares?” 

Jacob and Edward were seated at the only cafe in town’s outdoor seating, getting snowed on. It was weird for humans, sure, but barely anyone could see or hear them from the street and it was time to talk to Nessie. At least this way they had privacy. And neither of them felt the cold. 

“Obviously it doesn’t matter that she turned a project in late,” Edward said. “I’m just lost on how it happened.”

“I just explained it, Dad,” Nessie sighed.

“More importantly, are you all packed?” 

“Yes! I can’t wait to go home!” 

“Ouch,” said the voice of Nessie’s best friend and music collaborator, Gina. Nessie had used her pseudonym per the school’s policy up until she came to visit in town and Edward immediately found out. She was a spunky Italian girl with dyed bright red hair and tons of piercings. Jacob was pretty sure Nessie had a crush on her but he respected her privacy not to ask Edward.

“Shut up!” Nessie said , accompanied by distant laughter. “I mean I’m excited to see everyone.” Jacob took a sip of his coffee, which had turned lukewarm by this point. Snowflakes fell into the cup, disappearing into the black surface. They settled on Edward, his cold body unable to melt them. It was past evening and they were in a low lit area, so he wasn’t brushing them off. But it made him look like a statue. Jacob brushed a hand over the snow resting on Edward’s as he talked to Nessie about plane rides and times. Edward barely flinched, probably imperceptible to a human. He and Jacob pretended it didn’t happen. 

“Oh my goddddd,” Alice moaned. “She’s ROSALIE’S height!” If vampires could cry, there wouldn’t be a dry eye in the house. 

Nessie was back home for Christmas and the house was fully decked in gratuitous holiday glory. Since pictures and videos weren’t (technically) allowed at Nessie’s school, there’d been a shortage of Nessie footage. Now that she was in front of all their eyes the difference was clear. Not only had she shot up, but she came with a whole slew of avant garde makeup skills and newly learned slang. It was like she was a real teenager. A 6 year old one. 

“These boots give me a little height,” Nessie said, slightly embarrassed by everyone’s gawking. 

“She’s not that tall,” Jacob said. 

“Seriously,” Emmett said. 

“My baby,” Rosalie said, clutching Nessie to her. 

“I missed you too, Aunt-erm, Rose,” Nessie haltingly. 

“WHOA.”

“Who?!”

“AUNT!”

“Force of habit!” Nessie said, her face turning red. “Stop laughing! It doesn’t sound that weird!” 

“What are you telling your friends about me?” Rosalie asked with a grin on her face. 

“Nothing big! Just that you’re into fashion and stuff!” Nessie said. 

“They aren’t supposed to talk about family there.”

“All the kids break that rule, she’s not the only one. She’s using pseudonyms.”

“What do you tell your friends about your Aunt Alice?” Alice asked, hugging Nessie from the other side. 

“Jacob, honey, let me take your coat.”

“That she’s a pain in the butt!” 

Winter break lasted with such energy for the duration of the week.

“Did you get all the dresses Alice sent? They were supposed to arrive today.”

“Ummmm, yes. “

“...that’s a weird ‘yes’.”

Jacob and Edward were on a walk (read: patrol) in the forest surrounding the school and subsequent cliff. They did it every few days to sniff around, make sure there weren't any new smells or suspicious trails. So far the only things of note were a bunch of kids from town smoking weed. But it put both their minds at ease to know everything was boring and safe.

Speaking of boring, it was prom season. Alice and Rosalie were going absolutely insane sending clothes and accessories to Nessie, vicariously living all their missed school dances through her.

“Do they not fit?” Jacob asked, jumping over a fallen tree.

“Nooo, I mean, not by a whole bunch. I could just fix them myself.”

“She doesn’t like them,” Edward told Jacob. 

“She sent like 10 dresses! There has to be one you like.”

“I don’t wanna wear a dress!” Nessie said. “I don’t see why every fashion decision I make has to go through the Panopticon of Aunts!”

“Oh, okay,” Edward said. “I’ll let them know. Just wear whatever you want.” Jacob was picturing a ratty band shirt and ripped jeans to own the Man, but Nessie ended up wearing a collared shirt and vest with pants. It was altogether the most unique she’d worn and strikingly unlike anything her aunts sent her, who had to accept the days of dressing Nessie in cutesy clothes were over. She sent pictures taken by Gina, the oft-mentioned music friend, and had a slightly nervous but very excited grin on her face. 

Piper (Gina’s pseudonym) looks so amazing, you’ll have to take my word for it , she texted with them. 

After the long awaited night had come-and-gone and the debriefing occurred, the general consensus from Nessie’s first school dance was “it was lame but my friends rule”. Nothing too shocking, there.

That spring marked another first for Nessie. Her, Benjamin, and Tia went on a trip alone. There was the usual shock and horror that went along with these sorts of things, but in the end it actually happened. Nessie sent dozens of pictures a day of the three teens relaxing on the beaches of Florida that seemed so mundane you could easily forget none of them were technically teens. Edward, usually so stauchally “Team Nessie”, had an extremely hard time with it. He wasn’t worried about the vampire mafia side of things, as that issue had become nonexistent in recent months due to mysterious circumstances. His worries were slightly more mundane, dreading the thought that Nessie would overnight suddenly gain her mother’s penchant for getting into life threatening situations. That she’d get in trouble, despite being a super powered immortal vampire in the presence of two even more powerful, hundreds of years old vampires. That she’d get lost or homesick. Normal things, really. 

When Nessie came back she was safe and sound, the only differences being more freckles and longer hair.

It turned out school would be the bigger issue.

When Nessie had been back a week Edward got a call to one of his burner phones (specifically for school related business) telling him that Nessie was given disciplinary warning for “disrupting the peaceful atmosphere of the learning environment”. Which was fancy talk for practicing drums during one class’ test and multiple times after hours . Jacob found this extremely hilarious and commendable, Rosalie and Edward less so. 

“The music room has shitty sound proofing! That’s not my fault!” Nessie insisted. 

“At night, Renesmee?” 

“You told me to strike when the creative urges calls.”

“To be fair he meant that for, like, painting, not blasting the school with a sick drum solo at 1AM.”

And so on and so on. 

Edward said there was a whole other bunch of juvenile rebellion behavior Nessie was participating in that they just hadn’t found out about, and that it better stop before that changed. To Jacob’s mind Nessie blended in more when she was doing normal insane kid things as opposed to being hyper aware of blending in like the Cullens. But anything made Edward worry.

“No it doesn’t,” Edward said when he heard that thought. They were sitting under an umbrella on the cliff, listening as some kids yelped at the cold temperature of the water below.

Half of the other kids there do crazier shit. They’re just being spoiled rich kids. 

“Nessie isn’t like that.” 

Well…

“You’re throwing a lot of stones for someone who lives in a glass house.” 

What’s that supposed to mean? Jacob pushed his sunglasses down so he could execute the full attitude needed for such a mind question.

“If you’re pointing fingers at people who spoiled Nessie, you better look inward,” Edward said, crossing his legs and leaning back in his chair. “You’re the worst perpetrator.” 

Let’s not get accusatory. 

Despite several more disciplinary measures and the accidental destruction of a guitar that was wholly Nessie’s fault, she managed to finish the school year without too much issue. She had all As and a single B due to “creative differences” with the music teacher. Because even though she neglected to turn in many assignments, once she applied herself she was, of course, a genius.

During the summer Nessie would text her friends, most of them blatantly ignoring the school’s privacy rules. Only Edward and Jacob knew, Jacob because she told him herself. Nessie may have been blase about homework, but she took secrecy about their lifestyle extremely seriously. Everything was through the lens of her persona “Emily”, daughter of a billionaire mogul with a big extended family. She even made up cousins older and younger than her to add another layer. But the kids at school hardly ever talked about things like that. It was always music, or the new TV show, or social media shit. Nessie had taken up every instrument in the world while she was there, and Esme had to make a music room just to keep them all. She’d play every instrument for a song and record them all before mixing it herself. She was a one girl band. She always seemed to be moving, doing something, staying up way past her bedtime. Rarely did she slow down. 

But there were times. One day she went to La Push with Jacob because Seth’s cousin was in town, which meant Claire. Nessie remembered playing with her when she was 2 and Claire was 6. Claire was now 10, looking the same age as Nessie had when they played together years ago. She had no idea Nessie was the girl she had played with (if she even remembered her) and would never know, but Nessie wanted to see her anyway.  

“Wow. She’s so big,” Nessie said as she watched Claire run around with her little brother. 

“Et tu, Nessie?” Jacob said. 

“No, seriously. I thought I was the only one that did that.” 

“Grew up?”

“Har har,” Nessie said halfheartedly. 

“You good?” Jacob waited as Nessie stretched her long arms out in front of her, looking at them. Claire’s little brother fell and she immediately went to pick him up, dusting off his knees for him. 

“Yeah,” Nessie said eventually. “I think I’m a little sad because I never had that. A friend you could grow up with.”

“You have tons of friends at school.”

“As a kid, though.” 

“Nessie, you still are a kid,” Jacob reminded her gently. “No matter how far ahead you are in school and how different you look from day to day, you still don’t have that much experience. That’s really what makes you grow. You’re still doing that.”

“I don’t feel like it, sometimes. Like I have to pretend I’m a normal, grown teenager at school…”

“Sounds exhausting.”

“It really is,” Nessie sighed, and leaned her head against Jacob’s arm. They watched as Claire and her brother got stopped by their mom with drinks. 

“I’m sad I don't have all those memories,” Nessie whispered. “Time goes by so fast.” 

“It really does,” Jacob agreed.

Chapter Text

Nessie crouched next to her mother’s grave, soaking her jeans in the wet grass. She picked a baby piece of moss that was starting near the bottom, growing so quickly in the damp weather of Forks.

“Happy birthday, Mom,” she said with a smile. She placed the same bouquet she’d brought every year, a near replica of that first one not long ago. “I wish you were here,” she continued. “I told Jake about Gina. He said he always kinda figured. Gina said that’s why he’s her favorite.” She laughed and started fiddling with the golden locket hung around her neck. It was the only piece from when her wardrobe was determined by her aunts she still wore, a childish heart that clashed with her current style. “I can’t wait to see her again tomorrow. To hold her.” She sighed and then looked back to Edward and Jacob standing in the moonlight at the end of the row, talking as they waited. Or, at least, her dad was talking and Jacob was thinking. She looked back down to the bouquet her dad had brought. Flowers from the field. “We love you very much,” she said, quieter than the rest, then stood up and joined the others. 

“All good?” Jacob asked, swinging his arm over her shoulder. 

“Yup,” she said, wrapping an arm around him. She remembered when she was little and couldn’t even touch her hands together if she wrapped both of them around his waist. Most of the time she was used to her body how it was, but moments like this made her brain stutter for a second, trying to keep up. 

Jacob’s phone rang and he ignored it, his expression unchanging like he hadn’t heard it at all. 

“Who could that be at this hour?” Nessie asked.

“It’s just Helen again, trying to get me to stay.” Helen was the boss at the car shop in town Jacob worked at and really didn’t want him to leave for the school year again. He said it was just because they were short staffed but Nessie knew it was because everyone loved him and he was a hard worker. God forbid he admit that, though.

“Exactly,” Edward said. 

Dad, you’re not exactly a paragon of facing your good qualities, either, Nessie thought.

“No brain talking,” Jacob said.

“You know you can stay, right?” Nessie asked him.

“And leave your poor dad in that house all alone?” Jacob asked, rustling her choppy hair. “I’m not that cruel.” 

“Where would I be without you bothering me all day,” Edward said dryly. Probably sitting around playing the piano. At least Jake takes you on hikes, goes into town. “I’m not a pet.”

“Oooh, that’s a good idea! What if you get a dog!” Nessie said excitedly, spinning around to walk facing them. “NO werewolf jokes!”

“She knows us too well,” Jacob said to Edward `despairingly. 

“You just only have one joke,” Nessie told them. “It stopped being funny when I was, like, 8 months.” 

Before she knew it she was on the plane ride back up north. Jacob was asleep, shoved uncomfortably in his too-small-seat. Nessie looked out the window and thought about the first time she flew. Everyone had been expecting her to be scared about it, but it wasn’t anything shocking. She was no stranger to reaching inhuman heights, and the speed the plane went on the runway was barely faster than the speed her dad drove. What was more interesting was the place the plane landed, wherever it was. Some place that wasn’t Forks. She wondered if her mom had been scared of flying. 

“She wasn’t either,” Edward said, speaking softly to not wake up Jacob. 

You went places together?

“Just once. For our honeymoon.” Edward sighed. 

Where did you go? Did you take pictures? Was it fun? He smiled at the barrage of questions.

“Brazil. A few-I’ll ask Esme if she has any. And yes, it was very fun.”

He was talking short and Nessie felt some of the old anxiety creeping back, the feeling that she was upsetting him. When she was little she thought she couldn’t talk about her mom with him. Now she knew she could, but still felt guilty about it. 

“No, don’t. I love talking about her with you. It’s just difficult to find the right words. We had to end the honeymoon short when you became full priority.”

Oh, right. Before I ruined everything.

“Don’t joke like that,” Edward said, the sudden shift in his tone causing Jacob to stir. It softened again for his next words, which he chose carefully as he took Nessie’s hand. “Your mother wouldn’t have had it any other way. And I’m glad you’re here now. You know that, right?” She did, more than anything, but it made her feel better to hear it. 

Love you, Dad.

“I love you too,” Edward said, and then, “Stop faking,” and hit Jacob with his foot, who had been feigning sleep to not interrupt.

Nessie found herself more emotional at the drop-off this year, and she wasn’t sure why. Maybe because now she actually knew how long being apart felt. Whatever the reason was, she cried a little and hugged Edward and Jacob a little tighter.

“Do you still want to call us tonight?” Jacob asked her. 

“Always!” she said.  

“Someone’s waiting for you in the hall,” Edward whispered as they parted. When she waved goodbye one last time and stepped inside the school building, she was promptly yelled at and pounced on. 

“PIPER!” she half shrieked, half laughed. Gina cackled, hugging her around the middle. Nessie had to focus not to crush her after a summer of not having to hold back. The principal watched their reunion with amusement but Ms. H with wearied dread. 

“I was getting sick of waiting!” Gina said in her usual raspy, charming voice. “Oh my God, you really have shot up. Tell me you’re done this time.” 

“Probably?” Nessie said, somewhat nervously. 

“If you don’t mind, girls, I’d like to show Emily her new room before the next student arrives,” Ms. H said tersely. 

They walked up the big staircase, swinging their held hands excitedly. Nessie realized she could see the top of Gina’s head now. Her new hair color looked even prettier in person, and her tan! She could look at her for hours and never get tired. 

“You’re so pretty,” she whispered as they rounded the corner. 

“Where’d that come from?” Gina asked, laughing. 

“Today, ladies,” Ms. H said from the front. Nessie settled with a quick kiss on the cheek before hurrying, pulling Gina along as they smiled at each other. It was good to be back.

“Guess who's getting married?” Was how Jacob opened their phone call that night. 

“WHAT?” Nessie yelped, nearly falling off her bed. She’d been trying to hang up a rainbow flower garland Alice had made for her on her wall and was not expecting this BOMBSHELL. Had she missed that much already?!

“That’s…not a guess?” 

“Uh, WHO?” 

“Are you trying to wrestle a bull right now? Why are you so out of breath?” Edward asked. 

“WHO’S GETTING MARRIED?” 

“Leah. Who’d you think I was going to say?” 

“Uhhh, something out there like Seth or something, I don’t know,” Nessie said hurriedly. She had to remind herself her dad wasn’t there so no one knew what she had thought. Of course, he probably guessed, but it was a nice temporary peace of mind. “Wait, Leah is getting married! That’s amazing! Can I actually go to this one?” When Nessie’s grandfather, Charlie, had gotten married to his long time girlfriend Sue, she wasn’t allowed to attend due to it being in Forks and the usual reasons came up. She was eternally salty over this and did not want to miss another wedding. 

“Since it’s in LA we think it’d be okay,” Edward said. “And Jacob needs emotional support.” 

“Emotional support for what?” 

“I’m Man of Honor,” Jacob said gravely. “Stop laughing. It’s not that funny.” 

“Leah said she chose him as Maid of Honor and he declined,” Edward said when he was done chuckling. “So he’s Man of Honor instead.” 

“Well good for you, Jake!” Nessie said. “You’re going to make a great Man of Honor.” 

“Thank you,” Jacob said solemnly. “I’m taking my duties very seriously .” Nessie couldn’t see them, but she could just tell he was elbowing Edward. 

“We’re going down a week early,” Edward told Nessie. They talked a bit longer about scheduling and dates and times-it was in January! So far away! Nessie couldn’t wait. 

“I hope it’s cloudy the day of!” she said desperately. Jacob and Edward laughed. 

“Don’t tell that to Leah, she’ll kill you,” Jacob said. 

“People usually hope it’s sunny on wedding days, Ness,” Edward said. 

“But then everyone won’t be able to go! I really hope it’s cloudy. I’ll tell Leah myself.”

“Oh, great, she’ll chew me out for saying something early,” Jacob sighed. 

“How is it early? You already know!”

“I’m the first one she told,” Jacob bragged. “Even before her mom. How’s that for Maid of Ho-MAN of Honor?” Ms. H had to knock on Nessie’s door to see if she was alright after the very loud and chaotic upheaval of her falling off her bed.

Birds circled around her confusedly. Nessie spent most of her time at school with her friends, but always set aside time to spend alone. It was very rare to come by, as back home she could be found anytime people wanted to find her. But privacy rules aside, there were things she could do here that made her unfindable. Like climbing out her window and sitting on the roof. The birds and view were fantastic. 

Nessie exhaled deeply, breathing in the bracing sea air. When things got a little crowded at home, when she felt like things were moving too fast and it was all slipping through her fingers, she thought about this. Sitting on the roof at school, watching the birds circle around the cliff. Watching the waves. A place where she could be completely, totally alone.

Perhaps because of Gina's offhand comment earlier that day about her mom, Nessie’s hand moved to the little heart shaped locket around her neck. She clicked it open with a simple motion and looked at the picture on the left side. Bella on her wedding day, a slightly embarrassed smile on her face as she posed with a bouquet. It was Nessie’s favorite, because it was right before she had her. Maybe that was egotistical of her. But it was nice to think that’s what she still would’ve looked like today, if things had been okay.

Nessie looked at the still image of a girl whose age she looked, free to let her thoughts wander in unfiltered ennui. Death had been a fact her entire life, she had been born by death. Most days she didn’t think twice about it. But she was on the roof at school. She could think about anything. 

She thought about her ever-growing-faint, otherworldly memories of her mother. Sometimes she dreamed them and she was no longer able to tell which ones had really happened. They were nothing more than feelings, anyway, and it’s too easy to forget those. 

The locket picture was nice in another way, in that Bella looked so human in it. Not just in the un-vampiric sense, but normal. Like one of her friends in school. It went in juxtaposition of the mythical figure of her in Nessie’s mind, the result of years of rose-tinted stories from her family and the undeniable fact of events. Her mother had made the ultimate sacrifice for her. But here, in this picture, she was just a happy girl.

Would she and that girl have gotten along? Would Nessie have scared her? Unrealistically, she dreamed it would’ve been perfect. That everyone would’ve been happy. That she wouldn’t have to feel guilty. That her dad would be okay. She was alone, so she could think that and not have to worry about hurting someone. So she thought and thought until the sun set over the sea.

“Leah!” The bride to be turned around as her name was called, a smile already on her face. They were in sunny LA! It had been a minute since Nessie had been in such a bright, busy city, but she was acclimating quickly and with gusto. It reminded her of some of the best times of her life.

“There you are!” Leah said as Nessie ran up and hugged her. She didn’t say anything about how much Nessie had grown, because Leah was cool like that. She’d grown out her hair almost to her waist, as she hadn’t phased in over two years and didn’t have to worry about long fur in her way. Jake was growing his hair out as well, though it wasn’t nearly as long and he still phased regularly, of course. It was both weird and fun to see a version of him Nessie had only seen in pictures. 

“Hey, you,” Jacob said, punching Leah on the shoulder. “Where’s the unlucky groom?” 

“On call with his mom,” Leah said, then made a face, Jacob mirroring her. 

“What’s wrong with his mom?” Nessie asked. 

“She’s slow on the uptake,” Leah said. 

“She sucks,” Jacob said. 

“She’ll get there,” Leah said. “Complicated adult stuff, Nessie.” 

“I can handle adult stuff,” Nessie said. 

“It’s a little private, Ness,” Jacob said, putting a hand on her shoulder. Nessie’s brain took a moment to catch up. Oh, she thought. This was one of those cases where someone said something (complicated adult stuff) and really meant something else (private). Of course Jacob could tell exactly what Leah meant when she said that. He probably even knew what was going on with Aiden’s mom. 

“Don’t beat yourself up over it,” Leah said.

“I’m not!” Nessie said defensively and Leah rustled her hair. Her noogie-ing was a lot stronger then Jacob’s. 

“How’s Giiiiinaaaaa?” she asked with a shit-eating grin on her face. They talked a bit longer and Leah showed off her engagement ring, which Nessie had only seen in pictures until now. It was beautiful, but what was more special was the way Leah looked at it. Nessie was jealous of that expression, the complete love and pure joy. She wondered if she’d ever be able to find someone like that she could spend her existence with. She wasn’t naive enough to think she could make it work long term with a human, at least not with the way things were now. But she loved being in love too much to close off her heart. 

Someone came in with a stack of chairs, slightly struggling under the weight, and Nessie rushed to help them so Leah and Jacob could catch up. They talked nearly as often as Leah and her mother did, but talking is different in person. Nessie helped the venue employee bring in more chairs, performing the never-ending charade of teenage girl strength in addition to pretending like she couldn’t hear Jacob and Leah’s entire conversation. Vampire senses were so embarrassing sometimes. 

“How’s Edward?” Leah asked. 

“The same as he usually is,” Jacob said. 

“Okay, different question: how are you and Edward?” 

“Um. Well. You know.” 

“He’s here.” 

“Because Nessie’s here.” 

“She didn’t need to come down early.” 

“Who doesn’t like time off school?”

“You’re dodging the question, Black.”

“Whatever happened to being non-confrontational?” 

“Doesn’t apply to you.” 

“Hypocrite.” 

Some people had a way of talking that made it seem like they were brain talking. 

Unfortunately, it was a very sunny week in LA. Jacob was mostly busy with wedding preparations, and because of the weather her dad had to stay stooped up in the hotel room. Nessie felt bad for him and spent a lot of time playing chess to keep him occupied. He was, of course, gracious as always about it, but Nessie knew he was only pretending not to be bored to make her and Jacob feel better. Thankfully, the actual wedding ceremony would be happening at sunset, so he’d be able to join in the festivities afterwards. 

“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before,” he said in reply to that thought.

Weddings are fun, Dad!

“You wouldn’t know, you’ve never been to one,” Edward said, but smiled as he said it. 

She was right, though, the wedding was fun. It was a mish-mash of familiar and new faces. A lot of people there were Leah and Aiden’s LA friends that Nessie had never met until that week, but they were all super friendly. And also mostly gay, which was a cool bonus. But there was also a lot of Leah’s family and people from Forks. Her mom, obviously, which meant Charlie was there, too. And Seth and extended family like Claire. And then also Sam and Emily, because Leah really was so cool. All of them together made Nessie’s head spin a little. She had to concentrate to remember when she could switch between the fake her and the real her. 

Jacob looked very dapper and somewhat awkward in his suit, which had to be made tailor fitted because there weren’t many suits that came in his size. Nessie had been very careful in her clothes selection and the Panopticon of Aunts had remained fully uninvolved. She wore pants and high heels that brought her up to 5”10. Her hair was the shortest it’d ever been. For once she didn’t have to worry too hard about standing out because her family would be there soon and they’d all stand out together. 

Leah’s mom immediately started crying when Leah came out in her beautiful white dress. She cracked jokes about it as she walked down the aisle to Aiden. He was already a short man but looked even shorter next to Jacob and his best man. Nessie sat where she could see Aiden’s face as they exchanged vows. There was something about his expression that said more than his eloquent words could. She found her eyes welling up and pulled Charlie’s arm over to use his sleeve as a handkerchief, as she was wearing a sleeveless top. 

After a bit of crying and kissing, the now husband-and-wife dashed off with the photographer to catch the sunset for pictures and the guests were left to be ushered into the reception hall. Nessie had to wait a while longer until the rest of her family arrived, slipping in like ghosts in the dark. 

“There you are! I can’t believe you missed it!” Nessie said for the sake of any eavesdroppers. Carlisle loudly rattled a fake story about their car breaking down as Nessie took her father’s hand and sent the clearest memory she could of the ceremony.  

“It was so lovely,” she said. Edward smiled and gripped her hand in thanks. 

“I’m covered in snot,” Charlie grumbled. 

“Jake?” Edward asked, looking around the reception hall. They were already getting stares. 

“I think he’s taking pictures with the couple and bridesmaids,” Esme said. Her and the other parents headed over to the swarm surrounding the bride’s mother. Nessie briefly thought about the picture swinging around her neck, of Bella happy at her wedding. Had it been like this? 

“I can’t wait to see Leah!” Alice sighed happily. “Isn’t this romantic?” she asked Jasper, who smiled at her. They looked at each other the way Aiden and Leah looked at each other and Nessie felt another pang of jealousy and happiness. She suddenly felt so grateful to be surrounded with so much love.

Most people were seated at the reception tables by the time the pictures had stopped. Leah had been whisked away to change dresses so Aiden was left to be swarmed with congratulations and comments about how touching his vows were. The Cullens equally swarmed Jacob to tell him how handsome he looked and to make fun of his Man of Honor title. 

“Keep it coming, guys, it’ll be funny eventually,” Jacob said. They all moved over to their designated table and kept talking until the food was served, when Jacob exaggeratedly picked up his fork and knife to remind them all to eat. They ate the food that tasted like nothing to them and cheered when the new couple had their first dance. Nessie felt like she was dreaming. Out in the real world doing real people things, with her family? It was the everyday mundane that she longed for. 

“Other people are dancing now, I think we can stop,” Alice said. “Let’s go dance!” she begged Jasper excitedly, tugging on his arm. He stood up and did a low bow, holding out his hand. Anyone else would be embarrassed, but Alice delightly took his hand and they set off in a weird ballroom style waltz to a very non-waltzy song. 

“We can’t let them one up us,” Rosalie said. “Jacob, is this enough food? Like did I eat a normal amount?” She stabbed her fork down at her barely touched meal. 

“Super human, yeah, real normal,” Jacob said with a grin. 

“We only had to eat that much?” Emmett said, looking down at his empty plate bitterly before his partner dragged him to the dance floor. Esme and Carlisle followed soon after. Vampires could never resist a moment to dance, apparently. 

“You’re too lenient with Rose,” Edward laughed softly to Jacob, leaning in closer to him as he spoke. 

“I’m scared of her,” Jacob said back quietly, his dark eyes twinkling. And oh, the way her dad looked at Jacob was that same look. She noticed it so suddenly and subtly she didn’t have time to keep it behind her barrier, and she saw Edward’s eyes widened slightly as he heard her thoughts. “You okay?” Jacob asked, noticing the change. 

“Yes,” Edward said in a tone so faux casual it was off putting. “I’m going to get some air.” He pushed away from the table and briskly walked to the balcony. Jacob looked at Nessie, befuddlement and concern knitting his brow. 

“I’m going to get some air, too,” she said, patting his hand in passing. 

She found her father on the far end of the balcony, out of sight from the windows, looking out at the sea. He was standing stock still, without any masking things like leaning against the bannister or blinking, which told Nessie he was deep in thought. 

“Are you okay?” she asked in a quiet voice, and actually startled him out of his haze. 

“Yes,” he said. “Sorry, dearest. I’m fine.” He opened his arm up and she siddled alongside him, wrapping her arm around his waist. 

What happened? Did I upset you?

“No, not at all,” Edward said, and kissed her head. “I…I’ve just never had that experience before and it’s.” He was really making an effort to share and it touched Nessie deeply. That thought seemed to help and he spoke clearer. “It’s unusual to experience something new after all this time.” 

What was it? Was it a good thing?

“ Very good,” Edward reassured her. “I’ve…never seen myself through someone else's eyes and felt exactly how I looked.”

Oh! Dad, I’m so glad.

“Me too,” Edward said. They leaned against each other for a few minutes, not needing to say anything else. So when Edward spoke again it was with a little trepidation. 

“Can I see that?” 

“Hm?” she asked, leaning away from their hug to see him looking at her heart locket. “You are well aware of its contents,” she laughed, but took it off and handed it to him anyway. He opened it gently and looked at the two pictures inside. 

“Aren’t they nice?” she asked proudly. “Mom looks so pretty.”

“She does,” Edward said. 

“I miss her.”

“Me, too,” Edward said, so sadly. “It…”

“Yes?” Nessie prompted encouragingly. Edward considered his words carefully before beginning. 

“It makes me remember…after Carlisle turned me, I was convinced I was a monster. An unchanging monster that would never be redeemed because he could never change.” 

Nessie knew. She knew because she dreaded that she’d be like that one day, too. That after she finished physically growing she’d become stagnant and incurable. A monster that only thought of herself, selfishly egotistical. That because she never changed she’d never care about what did. She felt that way her first year of highschool when the difference between her and her peers was irrefutable. She’d read Dorian Gray and had a bit of a meltdown, horrified at a story that was only a metaphor to everyone else. 

“Oh, Nessie,” Edward said, sounding like his heart was breaking. “How’d you come off that?” Nessie held out her hand and he took it. 

She sent a memory, strikingly clear for one not that recent. She was sitting on the roof-oops, crying like there was no tomorrow. She was writing a lot of feelings in her journal and then ripping the pages out and tearing them to shreds. Then she got a phone call, the regular call from her dad and Jacob. She immediately shifted moods, stopping her crying on cue and sitting up. Putting on a fake face. She spoke to them. But as they talked, the facade of calm changed to the real thing. Her shoulders relaxed, she leaned against the chimney. She smiled. 

“I don’t understand,” Edward said in the present. 

“You. And everyone,” Nessie said. “You’re already living the way I’m going to. And you’re okay. You’re alive. You’re here with me. A constant reminder that I won’t be like Dorian Gray. Or Amun, for that matter.” Edward was very silent and still. 

“That’s how Bella saw me, too,” he said. “She made me feel like it, before she died. She made me realize I have to change. That I can change.” This was the most Nessie had ever heard him talk about his feelings about her mother. 

“I’m sorry for that,” Edward said, cringing. 

“No, don’t apologize, I know how hard it is for you to talk about her!” 

“I’m the one who should be apologizing,” Edward said. “You shouldn’t have to worry about bringing her up around me.”

I just want you to be happy.

“Sometimes a little unhappiness in the short term is better for the long term,” Edward sighed. 

I don’t think either of us will be changing our minds on this. 

They both chuckled and side hugged again. Edward held up Nessie’s locket and they looked at the picture on the right side together. Him and Jacob standing in front of the cliff house, right before Nessie went to school for the first time. Their arms around each other, and little smiles playing around their lips as one undoubtedly made some snarky comment. Looking in each other’s eyes. Love. 

“What’s that one called?” Edward stopped the slow tune he was picking away at on the piano in the drafty house. Jacob was sitting out on the back porch, the door open to let the spring air in. When he looked back at Edward he saw him shining in the noon light. 

“It’s a new one,” Edward said. 

“I know. No name yet?” 

“Yes.” 

“...so it’s a secret?” 

“Do you assume everything I don’t tell you is a secret?” 

“Yeah, pretty much. Okay. Animal, vegetable, mineral.” 

“....What.”

“What it’s about. Twenty questions.” Edward smiled. 

“Animal,” he answered, and played a few more notes. 

“Okay, excellent,” Jacob said, and moved to face him better. “Is it bigger than a car?”

“A small one,” Edward said, and grinned, his fangs flashing. 

“Okay, does it-”

“Yes.” Jacob stopped in complete shock. 

The unspoken conversation had become spoken. The under current that had been the background of their every minute together, present for at the very least months and at the longest years. 

His true thoughts were being addressed. 

Jacob didn’t know what to do.

“Are you okay?” There was such concern, such care, in Edward’s voice, it was like Jacob had been shot. “Jake.”

Edward closed the top of the piano over the keys. He stood up and walked to the back porch, his skin shining brighter as he got into the fuller light. He sat on the arm of the lounge chair Jacob lay on. 

He looks so pretty right now. Was that song really about him?

“Really.” 

He’d been joking. (Not true.)

“I’m not.” 

Are -are we talking about this now? 

“We are.” Jacob took a deep breath. “I know you decided a long time ago that we’d never talk about this,” Edward began. “But you’re not the only one involved here. I want to talk about it.”

How are you not losing it right now? I’m losing it.

“I am. Trust me, if you could hear me you’d know I was just as emotionally stunted as you.”

Hey.

“Your words, not mine.”

Brain words don’t count. That’s not true. They’ve counted this whole time. 

Edward sighed and rested his chin on his hand. Jacob looked at his profile, so familiar it was practically burned into his memory. And yet he never knew what was going on within. 

“I’m trying,” Edward said, half to himself. He lifted his head and looked at Jacob directly in the eyes. “I want to try. Listen…we both feel the same, but we shouldn’t.” Jacob felt his heart skip a beat. “Guilt!” Edward said hurriedly. “I’m talking about the guilt.”

I don’t think I’d ever stop feeling guilty. Ever will.

“Me, too. But I’m not going to let it keep myself from living. I’m not going to hold back anymore.” Jacob felt the monumental weight these words carried and fought the urge to put a hand on Edward’s back. And, then, fuck it, he put it there anyway. “I…I realized if I hadn’t held myself back, I could’ve spent more time with her. I’m not going to make that same mistake twice.”

“Oh.” I wish I could be so sure.

“I know it hurts. I can’t take that away. But it doesn’t have to hurt as much as you’ve made it, Jake.” Jacob tried to move away but he was stopped by a gentle touch with no give to it, something he could easily shrug away. But he didn’t. “Please.”

I don’t know if I can do it, I…I’m not strong enough.  

“You’ve always been strong. You were Nessie and I’s pillar—you still are.”

“I’m really not,” Jacob said. “I keep fucking up.” 

“Yes. That isn’t a qualifier for being strong.” 

“Hey, aren’t you suppose to say I don’t fuck up?”

“But you do. And I do. I won’t deny that we all make mistakes. I won’t hold myself to impossible standards anymore. I can’t.” Jacob put his hand back on Edward’s back. 

“Sometimes I thought I would’ve been happier if I never met her,” he said softly, looking back towards the ocean. 

The words he was speaking now had been buried deep, deep inside. 

Over the years the barriers he had set up had become permanent and he’d stopped actually thinking about these things. When Bella died he told himself he made a decision to ignore his grief for Nessie’s sake. It was only now that he was starting to realize he’d hurt him even more in the act. 

And in the past few months the undercurrent between him and Edward, the tension, had escaped the barrier. His thoughts began to live with them both, day by day. It was subconscious and ever present.

They were talking about it . 

Having light shed on everything was mortifying and cathartic all the same. Jacob hadn’t felt so much for seven years. Maybe longer. Maybe ever.

“When I look back at who I was before her…it’s like I wasn’t even me,” he said out loud. “After everything that’s happened, I can’t say I never would have wanted to meet her. I can’t say I never wanted her to meet you .”

“I’m glad I met you, too. Both of you,” Edward said softly, and took Jacob’s face in his hand, turning it to face him again. “I never would have been able to go on without you both. Without hearing Bella’s thoughts before she left. Everything was instrumental. I couldn’t have done it.” 

I think you could’ve. You really aren’t a monster, Ed, Jacob thought, and out loud, he said:

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” 

And slowly, like they had done it a hundred times before, they drew together and kissed.

Chapter Text

“Dad, Jake, let’s do another!” Nessie pulled her parents together to stand in front of the door to the Cullen house. There was a lively atmosphere, as to be expected for a beloved member of the family’s first highschool graduation. Everyone was there, including Nessie’s grandparents, Jacob’s parents, Leah and her husband, and even Benjamin and Tia. The bizarre combination of the most different people imaginable melded together, joined by their love of Nessie. Leah’s husband and Alice hugged. Charlie made awkward small talk with Benjamin about pyramids. It was weird and wonderful and joyful. 

Alice and Rosalie were currently spearheading a picture time moment, a habit formed rearing Nessie they never completely kicked. 

“A recreation,” Edward whispered in Jacob’s ear. Jacob turned to him while leaning in, wrapping an arm around his shoulder.

“Of what?” he asked. Edward and Nessie looked at each other in alarm. 

“You never told him,” Edward said.

“I thought you did!” Nessie said.  

“You never thought about it, I thought...well.” 

Hello, Ed? Jacob thought, waving a hand between their faces. “Still here,” he said out loud. Nessie took off one of her many necklaces and handed it to him. “What?” 

“Open it,” Edward said, putting an arm around his waist. Jacob looked down at it and realized it wasn’t one of Nessie’s necklaces with a skull or tooth or barbed wire. It was her locket. He opened it. 

This is a great one. Man, she looked goofy- “Oh, come on. How long has this been in here?” 

“Literally since we took it,” Nessie said. 

“Four years? Nessie.”

“What’s wrong with it?” 

“Where’s everyone else?” 

“Does it look like there’s room in there?” 

“No, but don’t let Rose see this. She’ll throw a fit.” 

“She already knows,” Nessie said dismissively. “Everyone is way nosier than you.” 

“And way less jealous than you, too,” Edward said. “They can handle being second best.”

Then it’s a good thing I’m first. 

“Hold on, I think there’s an argument to be made that you’re third .” 

Third? You take that back. Jacob’s hands full, he resorted to aggressively nooging his partner’s head with his chin. 

“We’re done, Nessie, we’re done,” Edward said, his grin making Jacob’s head spin. Still. 

“I don’t think you two will ever be done,” Nessie said with a world-weary sigh. “Can we finish my recreation, please? Though it’s not a very accurate one.”

“It isn’t.”

“I like this one better.”