Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kaveh likes to think of himself as the sort of person who puts the needs of others before himself. If he can make others happy or improve people’s lives with his work, then he thinks he's accomplished something worthwhile. Sure, he only takes commissions that interest him, but he also tries to use his abilities for the benefit of Sumeru. He looks for young talent to nurture regardless of their backgrounds; he's offered free classes on the weekends for people who can't enroll in the Akademiya; and if he learns of any charity events or fundraisers, he makes sure he's there, either as a customer or a participant. Alhaitham tells him he’s too idealistic and naïve, but Kaveh wants to believe in the best in people.

Which is how he'd ended up in a Withering Zone near Vimara Village. The area had used to be part of the village before the proliferation of the Withering Zone and the monsters that had been attracted to it. There's only so much the Forest Rangers can do at once, and all the while the regular people have to suffer. So Kaveh had taken it upon himself to try to come up with a solution, and he'd decided that if the Withering Zone couldn’t be cleared quickly enough to make a meaningful difference, they might as well make the most of it. If Kaveh can somehow get buildings above the Withering Zone, out of the range of its dangerous effects, then the people wouldn't need to leave their homes while they wait for the Forest Rangers to get to them.

Kaveh has been at this Withering Zone for a while now. He hasn't cleared the Withering Zone himself because it would defeat the purpose of his little experiment, but he has taken care of most of the monsters. The only problem is that more show up in a day or two, and the Withering Branches and Fetid Boughs keep shooting him with some kind of foul energy. He'd kept the Withering Zone’s effects at bay fairly easily at first, but the weeks he's spent here, coupled with the exertion from fighting monsters and building the house himself, have started to wear him down. It's getting harder to avoid the Decay, and the monsters, too, are starting to become too much for him to handle. But Kaveh is nothing if not determined, and eventually he manages to build a tiny, one-room house above the Withering Zone.

He climbs down the ladder and looks up to admire his handiwork. It isn't pretty, and it's more of a shed than a house, really, but it's functional, and it should serve as proof of concept at least. Satisfied, he makes to climb back up the ladder to spend one last night in this Withering Zone when he comes face to face with a horde of angry, empowered Fungi. Kaveh tries to call on his Dendro power, but he's too tired and his elemental energy has been nearly depleted, so he can't do it in time. A Grounded Geoshroom slams into him, and he's launched backward twenty feet before he crashes directly into the main Tumor of the Withering. It reacts immediately, shooting its horrible foul energy bullets directly at him, and he feels them pierce his skin all over. Kaveh wheezes, completely winded, and every bone in his body feels like it's on fire. He manages to lift himself half off the ground, trying with all his might to summon even a scrap of elemental energy in an attempt to protect himself, but the Geoshroom circles back and headbutts him, flinging him off the side of a low cliff. Kaveh lands hard into a patch of bushes, and when he does, he thinks vaguely that this is a blessing in disguise because he'd been vaulted out of the danger of the Withering Zone. He then promptly loses consciousness.

Kaveh wakes up in intense agony. He whimpers; every small movement he makes seems to aggravate some wound or another. He stops trying to move and instead focuses the one rational part of his brain not consumed by pain on his surroundings. He's lying on something soft, a bed of some kind, and there's a sharp, stinging scent in the air, like medicine. Someone must have found him and brought him to a doctor. With a concerted effort he cracks his eyes open and sees a variety of herbs and powders in jars on shelves along the wall, and sitting at a table not too far from him is a young girl, who Kaveh recognizes as Collei. She seems to be scribbling something and muttering intently to herself, too absorbed in whatever it is she's doing to notice that Kaveh had woken up. He tries weakly to call to her, but a searing pain rips through his entire body and he's overcome by a wave of nausea. There isn't anything in his stomach, so he ends up dry heaving, then choking and spasming, which only serves to intensify the pain he's already in. But this finally seems to catch Collei’s attention, and she whips around in her chair. She stares wide-eyed at him for a moment before leaping to her feet and rushing to the door of the hut.

“Master, Master! He's awake!”

Within seconds someone comes running into the hut. Tears from the pain and exertion are clouding Kaveh’s vision, so it’s hard for him to see clearly, but the ears and tail give away the man’s identity: it’s Tighnari. So Kaveh is in Gandharva Ville. If Kaveh had had any attention to spare, he'd have been surprised that he'd ended up here, but he is currently too preoccupied with attempting to breathe. Tighnari has a hurried, whispered conversation with Collei before he rushes to Kaveh’s side. He holds Kaveh down carefully but firmly, and then with deft fingers he administers some kind of shot. Kaveh can feel Tighnari’s elemental energy seeping into him, and, combined with whatever medicine with which he’d been injected, Kaveh’s pain eventually begins to subside. He takes several deep gulps of air now that he's able to and turns toward Tighnari.

“Hullo, Tighnari,” he says, and he's surprised by how hoarse his voice sounds.
“What were you thinking?” Tighnari snaps, exasperated. His ear flicks in irritation. “A house in a Withering Zone? Do you know how dangerous that is?”
“I just thought maybe people wouldn't have to leave their homes…”
Tighnari gives Kaveh a long-suffering look. “Kaveh, even if the house were out of the reach of the harmful effects of the Withering Zone, people would still need to climb down into the Withering Zone to leave.”
Kaveh suddenly realizes the fatal flaw in his brilliant plan. He swallows and looks up at the ceiling.
“I could build a series of bridges…” he starts to say, but Tighnari cuts him off.
“I'm sure you could, but you won't. We’d clear the Zone before you finished building them, and there aren't enough Vision wielders with the necessary knowledge to help you build them anyway. Maybe you can build a shack by yourself, but there’s no way you can build real houses and suspended walkways on your own.”
Kaveh feels incredibly stupid. “We could still try,” he mumbles.
“No, Kaveh, you need to rest rather than think about this,” Tighnari says with a shake of his head. “And I'm really sorry, but we need to take down the house you built.”
Kaveh closes his eyes and sighs. “Oh.”
“More monsters will come and live in it, and it would make it harder for us to clear them out.”
“Oh.”
Tighnari pats Kaveh’s shoulder and gets up to leave.
“How long do I have to stay here?” Kaveh asks.
“Just a few days. You've already managed to expel most of the toxins, and the fact that you're up now bodes well.” Tighnari pauses at the door of the hut. “I also sent word to Alhaitham. He should be here soon to take you home.”
Kaveh groans. “When he comes, please give me something to knock me out so I don’t have to talk to him.”
Tighnari rolls his eyes and leaves.

When Alhaitham arrives in Gandharva Ville two days later, Kaveh has recovered enough to be able to sit up, eat solid food, and get to the bathroom on his own. Most of the pain had diminished, and though he is still plagued by constant aches, the intense, unbearable pain only returns if he manages to overexert himself. He can call on Dendro nearly as easily as he always had, and the bruises on his chest and back from where the Geoshroom had hit him have mostly faded. The only real reminder of his foolishness in the Withering Zone is a small splotchy, reddish scar on his lower back, from which little tendrils spiral outward. Kaveh thinks it’s from where he’d hit the Tumor, and Tighnari agrees. It doesn’t bother him too terribly; it just feels odd when he touches it, and it tends to be the focal point of the pain flareups. Tighnari hasn’t seen anything like it before, but he says it’s probably just a concentrated patch of the toxic energy of the Decay and that it should go away on its own.

Kaveh is sitting in bed, teaching math to a very eager Collei, when Alhaitham walks into the hut. He looks as bored and unapproachable as ever, so when Collei looks up at him, she immediately drops her gaze to her math problems and goes silent. Kaveh sighs. “Would it kill you to smile more?” Alhaitham says nothing as he crosses the room, folds his arms across his chest, and glares down at Kaveh. Collei looks anxiously between them. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Kaveh, I should go.” Kaveh wants to tell her to stay, but it’s too much even for him to ask a teenager to be his buffer, so he waves goodbye to her gloomily. Alhaitham sits in her vacated seat.

“A house above a Withering Zone? Seriously?”
Kaveh flops back against his pillows with a huff and frowns at the wall instead of Alhaitham. “I was just trying to find a solution to a serious problem.”
“By yourself,” Alhaitham says in a flat voice, “in the middle of an extremely dangerous area that you deliberately kept as dangerous as possible.”
“I thought I could handle it,” Kaveh says. “And I was mostly right.”
“Until it sapped you of your elemental energy and a Geoshroom crushed your ribcage.”
“Details,” Kaveh says with a dismissive wave of his hand.
Alhaitham’s eyes narrow. “You could have died.”
Kaveh is well aware, and he’s been trying not to think about it too much, so he responds with levity. “And I’m sure you’d have been happy to finally be free of m—”
“Don’t say that,” Alhaitham snaps, and Kaveh looks at him in alarm. “Don’t—how could you say that?”

Alhaitham’s hands are balled into fists on his thighs, his fingers clenched so tightly that his knuckles are white. Kaveh looks from Alhaitham’s hands to his face, and his expression is as impassive as ever, but there is a subtle tightness around his eyes that for Kaveh is easy to see. He’d touched a nerve. Kaveh scrubs a hand down his face and sighs. “Sorry,” he says, and he reaches over to cover one of Alhaitham’s hands with his own. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” He rubs Alhaitham’s hand soothingly until Alhaitham relaxes, and then he scoots over a little and pats the space beside him. Alhaitham takes off his boots and sits next to Kaveh on the bed, and Kaveh snuggles up to him. For the first time in several weeks, Kaveh feels safe and relaxed. He fiddles idly with Alhaitham’s sash.

“Did I worry you?”
“No.”
Kaveh sits up with a huff. “Excuse me?”
“When Tighnari contacted me, he told me you were going to be fine. Why would I be worried?”
“Maybe because you hadn’t heard from me in weeks?”
“It’s normal for us not to be in contact for a while when we’re conducting fieldwork.”
“Ugh, you!” Kaveh glares at Alhaitham, who narrows his own eyes disapprovingly in return.
“But if you had told me you were going to try to build a house by yourself above a Withering Zone, then I might have done something.”

Kaveh can’t think of a good retort, so he grumbles under his breath and sulks. Alhaitham, nonplussed, brushes Kaveh’s bangs from his face and leans in to press a kiss to Kaveh’s forehead. “I am glad you’re okay, though.” Kaveh’s cheeks turn pink at Alhaitham’s attentions, and he clears his throat. “Stop staring, you’re making me nervous.” Alhaitham snorts, but he tucks Kaveh’s hair behind his ear and looks Kaveh up and down.

“Turn around,” he says suddenly, and Kaveh raises his eyebrows.
“What?”
“Just do it.”
Kaveh gives Alhaitham a suspicious look but complies, and he can feel Alhaitham crawl closer on the bed. “Are you going to tell me what you’re thinking?”
“Take off your nightgown.”
Kaveh chokes and whirls around, his ears burning. “What—Haitham, I can’t—”

Alhaitham is a fairly straightforward partner, and Kaveh has long since gotten used to Alhaitham’s unique brand of foreplay, but this is a bit much even for him—never mind the fact that anyone could walk in on them and that Kaveh is still too sick for any sort of sexual activity. The whole situation is absurd and mortifying, but Alhaitham just raises his eyebrows slightly at Kaveh’s scandalized expression.

“Don't be weird. Tighnari told me about the scar. I just want to see it for myself.”
Kaveh smacks Alhaitham’s arm. “Then why didn't you just say so? Archons, Alhaitham, sometimes you're so—”
“Can you hurry up?”
“Ugh, you!”

But Kaveh turns back around and lifts his nightgown up, though he doesn't take it off. It would be much too embarrassing and awkward if someone were to walk in and see them on the bed together with Kaveh mostly naked. He shivers when Alhaitham’s cold fingers touch his back, and he fidgets impatiently as Alhaitham traces gently over the bruises.

“Stop messing around,” Kaveh hisses. “I don't want anyone to get any ideas.”
“Kaveh,” Alhaitham says slowly as if talking to a child, “Tighnari already knows we’re together.”
“Even so! And don't roll your eyes at me!”
“You can't even see me.”
“I know you're doing it!”

While they bicker, Alhaitham carefully folds down the waistband of Kaveh's underwear, which had been covering half of the scar. Alhaitham runs his fingers between the tendrils, not quite touching them or the scar, but for whatever reason, the whole area starts to throb painfully. Kaveh wriggles in discomfort. “It hurts,” he says, more to himself and in slight bewilderment, but Alhaitham stops touching him immediately. “Tighnari told me you said it didn't bother you anymore.” He fixes Kaveh’s underwear, and Kaveh drops his nightgown and smooths it out a little. It's true that it hasn’t seriously bothered him for a while, so he is also a bit confused as to why it's flaring up now. But before he can put his thoughts into words, the pain, which had been steadily increasing, rises to an unbearable level. Kaveh pitches forward, the pain making it so that he’s unable to support himself anymore, and he cries out; it feels like a hot iron had been pressed to his back, and that pain shoots through his entire body. He tastes bile but tries to swallow it down—he doesn't want Alhaitham to see him like this—but he's lost control of his own body. He loses his lunch, his limbs jerk uncontrollably, and he chokes as tears spill down his cheeks. “Kaveh!” Alhaitham shouts. “Kaveh, what's wrong?” Alhaitham grabs Kaveh by the shoulders and pulls him into his lap, holding Kaveh’s head carefully to protect it. Kaveh can’t speak, only stare up at Alhaitham’s concerned expression while his body spasms, and he feels awful.

With all the commotion Tighnari comes into the hut, his admonishment dying on his lips when he sees what's happening. He runs across the room to his desk and hurriedly mixes some medicine. “Give him some of your elemental energy!” Alhaitham doesn't need to be told twice; within seconds Kaveh can feel Alhaitham’s Dendro energy flow through him, and it immediately soothes some of the pain. Kaveh thinks vaguely that it's funny how warm and familiar Alhaitham’s energy feels compared to Tighnari’s before Tighnari jabs a needle into Kaveh’s arm. After what feels like an eternity to Kaveh, the intense agony dwindles into a dull ache.

“I'm okay,” he mumbles, but Tighnari and Alhaitham don't seem to hear him.
“What happened?” Tighnari asks Alhaitham. “He hasn't had an episode like this in days.”
“I looked at the scar, and he said it hurt. Then he started convulsing, presumably from the pain.”
Kaveh reaches up to weakly pull at Alhaitham’s arm. “Hey, don't talk about me like I'm not here.”

Tighnari and Alhaitham both look at him. Tighnari seems worried, but Alhaitham’s expression is inscrutable. He gently wipes the tears from Kaveh’s face, and Kaveh swallows. Though he doesn't know what had happened, he doesn't think Tighnari and Alhaitham should be reacting like this; it's not like he's on his deathbed. “I'm fine,” he insists, and to his relief, his voice sounds a bit stronger. Tighnari still seems unsure, so he kneels beside the bed. “Can you roll over? I'd like to have a look.” Kaveh isn't confident that he can do so on his own, but he doesn't want either of the other men to fuss over him, so with a great effort he rolls onto his side. Alhaitham helps a little, and his touch is infuriatingly gentle. Kaveh presses his face into Alhaitham’s thigh, too embarrassed to face either Alhaitham or Tighnari, and lets Alhaitham pull his nightgown up.

“It's definitely red and inflamed,” Tighnari says after a moment. “Not sure what you did, but you must have irritated it.”
“I was careful not to actually touch it,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh chuckles at the defensive note in Alhaitham’s voice.
Tighnari stands and brushes the dust off his knees. “I never said that you did. But it seems that it will take more time to heal than I initially thought, so we shouldn't touch anywhere near it. Kaveh?”
“I'm listening,” Kaveh says.
“You need to be really careful when you bathe, and you shouldn't wear clothes that might irritate it. Cotton is probably best.” Tighnari’s ear flicks and he smiles a bit playfully. “And I'm sure that if you asked, Alhaitham would be happy to buy you some nice silks that you could wear too.”
Kaveh laughs at this, which earns him a little pinch from Alhaitham.
“Ouch, hey! How can you be so cruel to an invalid?”
Alhaitham pinches Kaveh again and then runs his fingers through Kaveh’s hair. “Come on, sit on the chair, I’ll get you some new clean sheets.”

They spend two more days in Gandharva Ville until Tighnari is satisfied that Kaveh will be fine on the journey back to Sumeru City. Alhaitham charters a Sumpter Beast carriage, and they’re back home in no time. Kaveh needs another week before he feels like a proper human being again, but his life returns to normal quickly enough after that. He can use Dendro without any issues, and he can work. Alhaitham doesn’t let him drink for a while, but he lets up when Kaveh’s symptoms really do seem to have disappeared. The only reminder of the whole ordeal is the scar on his back, which Kaveh finds terribly unsightly, but he accepts that he’ll have to live with a mark of his foolishness for the rest of his life. At least it’s on his back, he thinks, so that he won’t have to see it. Eventually Alhaitham stops giving Kaveh a hard time about what had happened, and Kaveh peacefully moves on from the whole incident.

Until he can’t.

Kaveh isn’t sure how long, exactly, he’d gone without any pain whatsoever, but without his consciously realizing it, the pain had started to come back. It happens so gradually that at first it’s merely mild discomfort; so mild, in fact, that Kaveh simply thinks he’d bumped into something or slept wrong when his back hurts him. When the aches spread from his back to the rest of his body, he thinks only that he’s been working too hard. When Alhaitham tells him one night that he thinks Kaveh’s scar had gotten bigger, Kaveh brushes him off. He isn’t getting any younger, so aches and pains are normal, and Alhaitham is just being ridiculous; scars don’t grow in size. Kaveh is certain that such comments are just another way that Alhaitham is teasing him about what had happened.

But then Kaveh wakes up one morning feeling extremely ill. The pain is sharp rather than dull, and it’s spreading throughout his entire body. His head is pounding, his ears are throbbing, and, warily, Kaveh recalls the early days after his altercation with the Tumor and Geoshroom; this is not too far from how he’d felt then. He sits up in his bed gingerly, but even such a minor movement causes him to be hit by a wave of nausea. He squeezes his eyes shut and sits very still, focusing on his breathing in an attempt to keep last night’s dinner in his stomach. He can’t get sick now; he’s meeting a very important client today. All he needs is some medicine, he thinks. When the nausea finally subsides, Kaveh gets out of bed as carefully as he can, but as soon as he stands upright, the scar on his back explodes in pain. He gasps and staggers forward, and his legs threaten to give out from under him. He makes it to the wall of his room and leans against it, trembling.

“Haitham!” he calls out, hoping desperately that Alhaitham is awake. “Alhaitham!”

The seconds that tick by each feel like a century to Kaveh, who slides halfway down the wall. He doesn’t know if he can keep himself up much longer. “Haitham,” he chokes out, but his voice barely registers even to him. Finally he can hear Alhaitham’s soft footfalls, and the door to his room is pushed open. “What are you yelling about so early in the—shit, Kaveh—” Alhaitham throws the door open so hard it nearly flies off its hinges, and he half-runs to where Kaveh is. As soon as he's close enough for Kaveh to touch, Kaveh reaches out and throws his arms around Alhaitham’s neck, desperate to feel something solid, supportive, and familiar. Alhaitham isn't wearing a shirt that Kaveh can hold onto, so he digs his nails into Alhaitham’s back instead, hard enough that it's probably painful, but Kaveh doesn't have the presence of mind to care. Alhaitham stumbles slightly when Kaveh’s full weight is suddenly thrust upon him, but he recovers almost instantaneously, hooks an arm around Kaveh’s back and under Kaveh’s knees, and carries Kaveh back to the bed. Kaveh can feel the warm comfort of Alhaitham’s Dendro energy flowing into him, and though his nausea fades, the pain is as intense as ever.

Alhaitham eases himself onto the bed, trying not to jostle Kaveh too much as he does so. He rocks gently back and forth and whispers soothingly into Kaveh’s ear. “Shh,” he murmurs. “Shh, it's okay, shh.” And it's only after hearing the quiet rumble of Alhaitham’s voice that Kaveh realizes he's been crying. After a long time the pain finally diminishes into a tolerable ache, and Kaveh’s body stops shaking. He hiccups into Alhaitham’s shoulder, his breath coming out in stuttering gasps.

“Can you—bring me—some—medicine,” Kaveh manages to say. His throat feels strained, and he swallows hard. “And—water.”
“Of course,” Alhaitham says after a moment. “But you need to let go of me.”
Kaveh’s arms slide lifelessly from Alhaitham’s shoulders. “So—rry.”
“You don't need to apologize. I'm going to move you now.”

Before Kaveh can react, Alhaitham lifts Kaveh from his lap, deposits him to the side, and then leaves the room. His upper back is covered in red marks from where Kaveh had scratched him, and Kaveh watches him go with a mixture of guilt and shame. Thankfully, though, Kaveh feels well enough to stay sitting up, so he closes his eyes and tries to regulate his breathing. By the time Alhaitham returns a few minutes later with water and medicine, Kaveh feels almost normal. “Thank you,” he says as he takes the water and medicine. He shivers at the bitterness of the medicine, and as soon as he does, Alhaitham grabs Kaveh’s thigh and gives him some Dendro energy. Kaveh snorts in spite of himself.

“I'm fine; it's just bitter.”
Alhaitham’s eyes narrow. “You are not fine. What happened?”
“I don't know,” Kaveh says honestly. “I woke up and everything was hurting.”
“Hm.” Alhaitham takes Kaveh’s half-empty cup of water and sets it aside. “Can you take off your sweater for me?”

Kaveh nods and pulls his sweater off, though stretching even that much makes the muscles of his arms and back throb in pain. Alhaitham frowns at Kaveh’s winces, but he says nothing and crawls behind Kaveh on the bed. Kaveh waits for Alhaitham to fold down the waistband of his underwear like he had that time in Gandharva Ville, but Alhaitham isn’t doing anything. Kaveh peers over his shoulder to see Alhaitham staring unblinkingly at his lower back.

“Haitham?”
Alhaitham meets Kaveh’s eyes. “Your scar is bigger.”
“What? It can't be.” Kaveh twists around trying to see for himself, but he can't.
“It is,” Alhaitham says. “Significantly. I can't believe neither of us realized.”
Kaveh rubs his face. “Well, it's not like you've seen me naked recently.”
“You were sick and then I was out of town. What do you want me to say?”
“Nothing, nothing, it's fine. I’m just teasing you,” Kaveh says with a laugh as he gets up and goes to his closet. He's just picked up a shirt when Alhaitham’s hand closes over his own, and he gives Alhaitham a puzzled look. “What's wrong?”
“You aren't going to work today.”
“Excuse me?”
“Stay home. I'll contact Tighnari and also have someone from Bimarstan come over.”
Kaveh jerks his hand out of Alhaitham’s grip. “Absolutely not. If I can land this client, I can actually make a decent dent in my debts.”
“Kaveh, whatever that Tumor did to you is getting worse again, so you should—”
“You can go ahead and contact Tighnari,” Kaveh interrupts, “but I am going to meet with this client and that's final, Alhaitham.”
Alhaitham frowns but relents. “Fine, but take it easy. Reschedule if you have to and send for me if you need me.”
“Send for you?” Kaveh raises his eyebrows. “I thought you weren’t going in till the afternoon today.”
“Change of plans,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh shakes his head.
“You’re being overprotective, but whatever. You better go get ready if you’re going to go in at the same time as me.”

Alhaitham’s brow creases slightly at Kaveh’s admonishment, but as he turns to leave, Kaveh grabs his arm. “Ah, wait.” Kaveh leans in to press a kiss to Alhaitham’s cheek. “Thank you, and sorry again.” Alhaitham’s expression softens, and he shakes his head slowly. “I already told you not to apologize.” He gives Kaveh a proper kiss before finally leaving the room, and Kaveh watches him go with a fond smile. He dresses and gets all his things together, and when he goes to the kitchen, he finds that Alhaitham has made breakfast. They eat in companionable silence, and Alhaitham walks with Kaveh to the door. “I’ll go in in an hour,” he says, and he holds out several packets of medicine. “I’ve got a few things to do at home first.” Kaveh nods and takes the medicine, though he doesn’t think he’ll need it; he feels a lot better, and the pain in his scar has all but disappeared. But bringing the medicine with him, at least, is a smart move, and it will make Alhaitham happy, so he puts the medicine carefully into a little pocket inside his bag before he leaves.

Kaveh arrives for his meeting early. He stashes his bag in the corner, takes out all the preliminary designs he’d sketched from his bag and stacks them neatly on the table, and then he brews some tea and prepares some snacks. He needs to make a good impression on this client because if he can close this deal, he’ll definitely be able to get a steady stream of work from this person. The client arrives with his assistant, and Kaveh immediately turns up his schmoozery meter to the max. The meeting goes well at first, and the client seems quite enthusiastic about Kaveh’s ideas and plans, but when Kaveh stands to take some of the dismissed designs away, his scar starts to throb. No, not now, he thinks desperately, and he hurries to his bag in the corner. He sets the blueprints down and opens his bag to try to discreetly take some of the medicine, but the client interrupts him before he has a chance. “Kaveh, I’ve got a question about the potential materials here.” Kaveh rushes back to the table, doing his best to ignore the steadily intensifying pain.

“Are you all right, my good sir?” the assistant asks after a few minutes. Kaveh must have been grimacing. He tries to rearrange his expression into something more neutral.
“Yes, sorry, I—ah—” Kaveh chokes on his words and jerks forward as a sharp pain rips through his body. The client and his assistant are both staring at him, and he laughs weakly. “Sorry, would you mind just excusing me for a moment?”

Kaveh rises unsteadily to his feet and tries to walk to his bag as quickly as he can without triggering a whole episode, but it’s no use. The pain seems to have tripled in intensity since the morning, and Kaveh collapses, unable to support his own weight. His arms and legs are spasming, and he can taste his breakfast starting to come back up. Kaveh sobs, from pain, from humiliation, and from anger. Why is this happening now? The assistant rushes over to Kaveh while the client stands by the table, his eyes wide in shock and disdain, and Kaveh can see his dreams falling apart before his very eyes. “Sir, what’s wrong?” the assistant asks, and his voice is so loud, it’s too loud, and Kaveh feels as though his head is splitting open. “Scribe—” he gasps. “Get the—Scribe—” The assistant runs from the room.

The nicest meeting rooms in the Akademiya are all near the offices of high-ranking members of the mahamata, so Alhaitham’s office actually isn’t too far from where Kaveh currently is. In no time at all the assistant returns with Alhaitham, who tells the assistant and client politely that Kaveh will not be able to continue his meeting with them today, he’s terribly sorry, but would they mind rescheduling? “And please,” Alhaitham says quietly to the assistant, “tell the first matra you see that the Scribe would like a doctor from Bimarstan to be brought to his office immediately.” The assistant nods and ushers the client from the room, and as soon as the door is closed, Alhaitham rushes to Kaveh’s side. “Kaveh,” he says anxiously, “Kaveh, it’s okay, I’m here.” He pulls Kaveh half into his lap and holds Kaveh tightly for a long moment as he lets his Dendro energy pass into Kaveh’s body. But unlike the morning, the mitigating effects of Alhaitham’s elemental energy seem to have weakened: Kaveh is still nauseated, and the pain is still unbearable.

Alhaitham’s brow furrows as he also appears to realize that what he’s doing is having no effect. “I’ve called for a doctor. I’m going to pick you up and take you to my office. Can you nod if that’s okay?”
Kaveh can barely hear Alhaitham, barely has any control over his own movements, but he does his best to nod.
“I’m going to pick you up now,” Alhaitham says. “Don’t worry about hitting me or throwing up on me.”

A rush of shame accompanies Kaveh’s next wave of nausea as Alhaitham lifts Kaveh in a princess carry. Kaveh should be able to control his own arms and legs, should be able to control whether he gets sick or not, should be able to walk on his own, close a deal on his own, live like a functional human being on his own... But these thoughts hurt Kaveh just as much as the pain shooting through his body, so he presses his face into Alhaitham’s chest and lets the pain consume him.

Chapter Text

Kaveh wakes up, disoriented. He can't remember having fallen asleep or how he'd ended up in—where is he, exactly? He opens his eyes slowly, and a brief scan of his surroundings tells him that he's in Alhaitham's office, lying on Alhaitham’s couch. Kaveh’s brain starts to catch up with his senses, and he remembers that Alhaitham had said something about bringing Kaveh to his office. Kaveh lets out a slow breath. He doesn't feel sick anymore, and though he's in pain, it's a minor ache. Whatever Alhaitham and the doctor had done seems to have worked. Someone had also taken off his shirt (which he supposes had been done to see his scar) and covered him with a blanket. He sits up, letting the blanket slide off of him, but when he looks down, he realizes that the blanket is actually Alhaitham’s coat. Right. Alhaitham. Kaveh looks across the room to see Alhaitham hunched over his desk, engrossed in whatever it is he's doing.

“Haitham,” Kaveh says, and his voice comes out in a rasp.
Alhaitham looks up, then immediately drops what he's doing and goes straight for Kaveh’s side. “Are you all right? Do you need anything?”
“Maybe some water?”

At once Alhaitham goes to get Kaveh a glass of water, and Kaveh takes this time to wrap Alhaitham’s coat around himself. It has the same crisp, fresh scent as Alhaitham himself, and it's comforting. Kaveh closes his eyes. Alhaitham returns with the water and some medicine, though this medicine is different.

“Here,” Alhaitham says as he hands both to Kaveh. Kaveh squints at the medicine.
“What medicine is this?”
“A stronger version of what Tighnari had prescribed, from Bimarstan. You were supposed to take more an hour ago, but I didn't want to wake you.”
Kaveh downs the medicine and grimaces. “Archons, why is this stuff so bitter? It's like they think the bitterer it is, the more potent it will be.”
“Considering it is, in actuality, a more potent variant, there is perhaps a modicum of truth to that idea.”
Kaveh sets the now empty glass of water on the coffee table with a sigh. “Whatever.” He glances at Alhaitham. “Was I out long?”
“It depends on what you mean by “out.” You were conscious but delirious for a while, babbling nonsense. Then you fainted.”

Delirious? Fainted? Kaveh’s throat starts to stick up, his scar starts to throb, and in his overwhelming shame, he turns away from Alhaitham, folding himself up into a ball. He'd really made quite a fool of himself. After a moment he feels Alhaitham looming over him, and Alhaitham hugs him. “It's not your fault,” Alhaitham says quietly, and he kisses the top of Kaveh’s head. Kaveh curls in on himself even tighter, twisting his hands into his hair, his body shaking as he tries to hold back his tears. Normally Kaveh is overjoyed when Alhaitham is affectionate because he usually isn’t, but right now Alhaitham’s love and attention are making his skin crawl. He doesn't deserve Alhaitham’s love. He shouldn’t have it. He’s too shameful and worthless to receive something so precious. “Kaveh.” Alhaitham’s voice is low but firm. “Kaveh, stop, look at me.” He's pulling gently at Kaveh’s arms, trying to get Kaveh to sit up, but Kaveh can't bear to face him. Eventually Alhaitham gives up and instead positions the both of them so that Kaveh is slotted against Alhaitham’s side with Alhaitham’s arm around his shoulders. Kaveh lets Alhaitham move him, and Alhaitham’s familiar smell and touch and warmth finally, finally, seem to shake Kaveh out of his spiral. Eventually he sits up and wipes the snot and tears from his face with his hands until Alhaitham hands him some tissues.

“I want to go home,” Kaveh says.
“Of course,” Alhaitham replies. “Stay there, I’ll get your stuff.”

Alhaitham brings Kaveh’s shirt and shoes over, and Kaveh puts both on and then watches listlessly as Alhaitham moves around his office. He packs up his own things and Kaveh’s things, slinging both bags over his shoulders, and then returns to the couch. He holds out his hand to help Kaveh up. “You can walk?” Kaveh stands on his own, refusing Alhaitham’s proffered hand, which drops limply to his side. Without waiting for Alhaitham to follow, Kaveh pulls Alhaitham’s coat tighter around himself and leaves the office. It’s dark out, which tells Kaveh that he’d been passed out or delirious for nearly the entire day. On top of losing the commission (because Kaveh is sure he won’t be retaining that client), he’d also lost almost an entire day of his life. It isn’t fair. It just isn’t fair.

When they get home, Kaveh follows Alhaitham morosely around the house while Alhaitham puts everything away. He asks if Kaveh is hungry, but Kaveh has no appetite, and he’s afraid that in a few hours he’ll just throw it up anyway. Alhaitham gives Kaveh a measured look before he tells Kaveh to go lie down while he prepares Kaveh’s next dose of medicine. Kaveh wants to argue, but he can feel the pain starting to build up in his lower back again, so he slouches to his bedroom. He strips out of his clothes, pulls the pins from his hair, and takes out his braids, and when he looks at himself in the mirror as he does so, he doesn’t like what he sees. His face is too pale, his eyes lack their previous luster, and his cheeks are colored by an ugly flush. It’s no wonder that client had looked upon him with such revulsion. Kaveh swallows and turns around so that he can see his back through the mirror, and Alhaitham had been right; the scar is significantly larger, and even the branching tendrils had gotten longer and started creeping up his back. Kaveh can’t stand the sight, so he drapes Alhaitham’s coat back around his shoulders and climbs into his bed. He waits patiently for several minutes, but Alhaitham doesn’t show up. He’s probably fussing over something or making food even though I don’t want any, Kaveh thinks to himself sourly. Realizing that Alhaitham is going to take his time, Kaveh picks up a random book that Alhaitham had left in his room and starts to read.

When Alhaitham finally enters Kaveh’s room, he’s carrying an entire tray—a glass of water, an entire pitcher of water, what appears to be a cup of hot tea, a bowl of rice porridge, and more packets of medicine than Kaveh will ever need. Kaveh wrinkles his nose. Alhaitham really had been fussing over him. Alhaitham sets the tray down on the nightstand.

“Scoot over.”
Kaveh does so. “I told you I wasn’t hungry.”
“You need to eat,” Alhaitham says as he slides into bed beside Kaveh. “You haven’t eaten anything since morning. You’re going to make your condition worse. Here, medicine first.”
Alhaitham passes Kaveh the cup of water and a packet of the medicine, and Kaveh feels like a child. But he takes the medicine obediently and shivers at its bitterness. “Blech, truly vile.”
“Here, I made this tea. It should cleanse your palate.”
Kaveh snorts, and for the first time all day he feels slightly cheered up. “Cleanse my palate? Who in Celestia taught you to say that?”
“I read it in a book,” Alhaitham says after a moment, and Kaveh laughs.
“Of course you did.” He takes a few sips of the tea, and, surprisingly, it does do a good job of removing the medicine’s bitter aftertaste. He gives Alhaitham a small smile. “Thank you.”
“Now eat some food.” Alhaitham gives the bowl of rice porridge to Kaveh, whose stomach immediately starts twisting into knots at the sight. “You don’t need to eat all of it,” Alhaitham says quickly as if he senses Kaveh’s discomfort. “Just a bit. You need to get some nutrients into your body.”

Kaveh reluctantly takes the bowl and spoon and takes a small bite. It’s mostly tasteless, it goes down easily enough, and it’s warm. But Kaveh can only handle a few more bites before he feels uncomfortably full, and he knows that if he tries to eat any more, he’ll make himself sick.

“Here,” he mumbles, handing the bowl back to Alhaitham. “I can’t finish it.”
“That’s fine. I’m just glad you ate something.”
Alhaitham starts to get out of the bed to clear away the dishes, but Kaveh grabs his arm. “No, wait, stay with me?” Alhaitham wordlessly gets back into the bed, and Kaveh snuggles up to him. “And here,” he says, dropping the book he’d started into Alhaitham’s lap. “Read to me.”
“Of course,” Alhaitham says with a smile.

Kaveh plays absently with Alhaitham’s sash until the gentle murmur of Alhaitham’s voice lulls him to sleep.

Kaveh is largely bedridden for the next few days. Alhaitham had asked Tighnari to come, and when Tighnari arrives, he explains to Kaveh and Alhaitham that the scar had likely built up a resistance to the original medicine he'd prescribed, so it had become much less effective. Kaveh supposes that makes sense, and it explains why his symptoms had worsened so gradually. Tighnari thinks the medicine that the doctor from Bimarstan had prescribed is a good replacement, and he tells his two friends that it will be a while before they'll start to see a noticeable improvement. He stays with them for two days before he needs to return to the forest, and Kaveh is sad to see him go. Tighnari had kept him company while Alhaitham had been at work.

After Kaveh recovers, he is able to reschedule the appointment with his client, much to his great excitement and relief. The fact that he hadn't been blown off seems like a good sign; maybe the client had seen past what had happened. But when Kaveh arrives at the meeting room, only the client’s assistant is there, and Kaveh’s heart sinks. “I'm so sorry, sir,” the assistant says before Kaveh has even had a chance to say hello. “We loved your designs but are seeking other opportunities at this time.” Kaveh’s ears are ringing, but he smiles and thanks the assistant for the opportunity anyway. The assistant leaves, and Kaveh stands outside the door of the meeting room for a long time, holding back his tears of anger. He'd been so close to something so good, and he'd blown it. As usual. The scar on his back throbs, and Kaveh heads straight for the tavern.

“Kaveh.”

Kaveh turns around. He's drunk, carousing with some random people in the tavern, and he's been drinking for hours now. “Hello, Haitham!” he says cheerfully. “C’mere!” He throws his arms out to make grabby hands at Alhaitham, but he'd forgotten he'd been holding his drink, so he sloshes his wine all over himself. He giggles at the mess, and the people with him shriek in surprise and guffaw in amusement, but Alhaitham’s eyes narrow. “Kaveh,” he says again. Kaveh is drunk, but he can still tell that Alhaitham is upset. Alhaitham’s expression is impassive, but his eyes speak volumes. Kaveh puts his glass down too hard, spilling more wine on himself and the table.

“Why are you angry?” he whines. “Come and drink with me!”
“No. Enough.”
Kaveh pouts, and the others at the table boo at Alhaitham. “C’mon, have some fun for once!”
“No,” Alhaitham says again. “It's time to go home.”

Kaveh blows a raspberry at Alhaitham and waves him off, but before he can turn his back on Alhaitham completely, Alhaitham catches his wrist. His grip isn't so tight that Kaveh can't get out of it, but it's tight enough that Kaveh can tell that Alhaitham isn't just upset; he's livid. Kaveh swallows, his drunken happiness quickly evaporating, and he avoids Alhaitham’s eyes by looking at his hand instead.

“I don't want to go yet,” he complains.
“Kaveh.”
“Fine!” Kaveh snaps. “Fine, you always ruin the fun!”

Kaveh stands, but he's so drunk that the sudden movement makes him dizzy. He stumbles and starts to fall with a yelp, but Alhaitham catches him easily. Kaveh clings to him and closes his eyes to keep the world from spinning. The other people he'd been drinking with start to protest when it becomes clear that Kaveh is going to leave, but a single look from Alhaitham silences them. When Kaveh opens his eyes, he sees the tavern master approach. Alhaitham says to put anything Kaveh had ordered on his tab, and, if necessary, any additional cleaning costs from all the spilled wine. Kaveh hides his face in Alhaitham’s chest in shame, and he sniffles.

“You really do ruin all the fun,” he mumbles.
“Can you walk on your own, or do I need to carry you?”
Kaveh makes a half-hearted attempt at pushing Alhaitham away. “I can walk! Leave me alone!”

Alhaitham doesn't let go of Kaveh, but he doesn't pick Kaveh up either, so Kaveh starts to walk away. He's unsteady on his feet, and his vision is still swimming, so it takes them a very long time to get out of the tavern. Once they get outside and turn down the street to Alhaitham’s house, Alhaitham stops walking. “This is ridiculous. I'm carrying you.” Kaveh had grown increasingly gloomier as they'd walked, so without complaint he climbs onto Alhaitham’s back. His scar twinges in pain. He'd made his boyfriend angry. Another failure.

They're halfway home when Kaveh breaks the silence. “Why are you mad at me?”
“You've barely recovered, but you're out drinking for half the day. You know that alcohol doesn't react well with your medication. I don't understand why you are doing this to yourself.”
“I lost the deal,” Kaveh says quietly. “He doesn't want to work with me anymore.”
“What?”
“I'm not so impressive when I'm lying on the ground convulsing and crying, you know.”
Alhaitham stops in his tracks. “What is his name?”
“What are you going to do?” Kaveh says with a snort. “Force him to hire me?”
Alhaitham starts walking again. “No. But he shouldn’t have been so close-minded.”
“I guess.”
“And even so,” Alhaitham says, “you should not have had that much to drink.”
“I guess.”

Once they're home, Alhaitham carries Kaveh all the way to his room and dumps him in his bed. “I’m getting you water so you can take your medicine. Get undressed.” All the drunken pleasantness is gone, and now Kaveh is sad and in pain. He stumbles to his bathroom to pee and wash his face, and then he undresses and collapses onto his bed. He's nearly asleep when Alhaitham returns, but Alhaitham shakes him awake. With much effort Kaveh sits up, and it takes most of his concentration not to spill his water on himself. He gives Alhaitham the glass when he's done, and then lies back down. He hears a clink as Alhaitham sets the glass onto the nightstand, and then he feels Alhaitham’s fingers in his hair. Alhaitham gently takes out Kaveh’s hair clips and unbraids his hair, and Kaveh sighs quietly at the touch. Alhaitham is too good to him. He isn't worth it. His scar throbs painfully, and Kaveh turns to face Alhaitham.

“Don’t go. Stay with me.”
Kaveh isn't sure if he's imagining it, but Alhaitham looks sad. “Of course,” he says, and his voice is quiet.

When Kaveh wakes up, he’s in terrible pain, and nothing around him looks familiar. He's in a strange room, in a strange bed, and the whole place has an awful, sterile sort of smell. Panicking, Kaveh sits up too quickly, but this makes the pain even worse. His back feels as though the skin is being peeled from his body, and he shrieks in agony. Immediately several nurses run into the room, followed by two doctors and Tighnari. “Kaveh, calm down, you're okay,” Tighnari is saying, but Kaveh is definitely not okay. None of his episodes so far have been as painful as what he's experiencing now. The nurses hold him down, and the doctors inject him with something. He continues to writhe on the bed, sobbing hysterically, the pain so intense that he feels like he’s being split in two.

This latest episode could have lasted two minutes or two hours for all Kaveh knows, but eventually the pain subsides. He now feels as though a million needles are poking him all over, and though it's uncomfortable, it's manageable. But now that the pain has diminished, his nausea worsens. He gestures to the nurses, who bring over a bucket for him to get sick into. When he's thrown up what little had been in his stomach, he gets injected with more medicine, and finally Tighnari approaches him. “I'm going to go get Alhaitham now,” Tighnari says. His voice is kind, but there's an odd note to it that Kaveh can't quite place. He nods and then lies back against the pillows. Moments later Tighnari reappears with Alhaitham, who looks more exhausted than Kaveh has ever seen him. Kaveh starts to wonder how long he's been in this hospital.

“What happened?” he asks. His voice comes out strained and hoarse.
Alhaitham doesn't respond immediately. He reaches out to run his fingers gently through Kaveh’s hair, and then he trails them down Kaveh’s cheek. He's staring at Kaveh as if he can't quite believe that Kaveh is real. Finally he pulls his hand away and speaks.
“After I brought you home from the tavern,” Alhaitham says slowly, “you fell asleep, and it seemed like everything was normal. But when I went to go check on you after washing the dishes, you had stopped breathing.”
Kaveh’s eyes widen. “What?”
“That was a week ago.”
“What?”
Alhaitham looks at Kaveh and then says quietly, “I thought I lost you.”

Kaveh’s scar twinges in pain, and for a moment Kaveh thinks that he should have been lost, that Alhaitham would be better off for it. But even he finds the notion absurd, and he stretches his arms out, wanting Alhaitham to hold him. “Haitham, I—” Before he can say anything else, Alhaitham embraces him, and he's so warm and comforting, his touch both firm and gentle, that Kaveh begins to calm down. He can feel Alhaitham's Dendro energy seeping into his body, and the sharp prickles of pain he'd been feeling beneath his skin diminish into a low thrum. “I love you so much,” Kaveh whispers. “I'm so sorry.” Alhaitham holds him even tighter. “You do not ever need to apologize to me.” Kaveh swallows down his tears. Alhaitham is too good to him.

After his stay at the hospital, Kaveh’s condition seems to grow steadily and exponentially worse. No matter what the doctors do, no matter what kind of treatment they give him, he never seems to stay well for long. Kaveh is in constant pain, and every few days he has multiple episodes of pain so intense that he can't move, and which leave him either delirious or unconscious. His scar had grown so large that it now covers most of his lower back, and the tendrils have spread out over his entire back and started to wrap around his chest, like chilling fingers of death creeping ever closer to his heart. The medicine that he takes now is so strong that it also makes him sick, and Kaveh can barely remember a time when he had felt healthy and normal. He sometimes wonders what the point of surviving at all is, especially because he feels only that he's become an increasingly heavy burden on Alhaitham.

Alhaitham, too, seems to withdraw after Kaveh returns from the hospital. He spends long hours at work—at least, that's what he tells Kaveh—and Kaveh starts to think Alhaitham doesn't want to be around him, or even that Alhaitham had found someone new. Of course, it's only when Kaveh's pain is at its height that he has these thoughts; he usually has the presence of mind to realize that Alhaitham spends nearly every waking moment with Kaveh when he's at home, remaining as tender and unflappable as ever. But when Kaveh’s scar flares up, all he can think about is how Alhaitham must no longer love him.

One evening, Kaveh feels good—whatever constitutes as good for him, anyway. He'd just recovered from a few bad days of flareups, and his medicine had been adjusted to be even stronger. These two things combined seem to have created something of a sweet spot, so Kaveh doesn’t feel like he’s on the verge of death for once. He slips from his bed and pads noiselessly to Alhaitham’s room. The door is ajar, so Kaveh peeks inside, and his eyes widen at the sight. Alhaitham isn’t the tidiest person Kaveh has ever met, but he’s never been particularly messy, either. His room now, though, seems as though an Anemo Samachurl had sent several small twisters through it. There are books stacked haphazardly everywhere, some of them open and left on the bed or the desk or the floor, and papers are scattered across every surface available. More papers are pinned to the walls—Kaveh recognizes knowledge capsule diagrams, maps of the desert and the Akademiya buildings, and even several images of a large, unsettling eye surrounded by ten points. Alhaitham is at his desk, scribbling away furiously, and Kaveh has never seen him like this.

“Haitham?”

Alhaitham jumps in surprise and turns around. He blinks. “Kaveh? What are you doing up?” He rises from his chair and, with practiced ease, navigates the mess on his floor to cross the room. He brushes Kaveh’s overgrown bangs from his face, tucking the long strands behind Kaveh’s ear, and Kaveh reaches up to hold Alhaitham’s hand. He asks Alhaitham what he’s working on, and Alhaitham says simply that it’s his latest project. Kaveh huffs. “Yes, I can see that. I mean what’s the topic?” Alhaitham is quiet for a long moment, as though he’s carefully considering his reply. Finally, he says, “Ancient history.” History itself isn’t Alhaitham’s area of study, but it’s not completely unrelated, so Kaveh accepts Alhaitham’s answer. He wraps his arms around Alhaitham’s neck and kisses his cheek. “Are you sure you’re all right?” Alhaitham asks, and Kaveh replies by kissing him. It’s been a long time since he’s been close to Alhaitham like this; they haven’t had sex in weeks, and Kaveh finally feels well enough to want to. He tries to push Alhaitham backward into the room, but Alhaitham pulls away. “No, my room is too messy, let’s go to yours.” Kaveh beams at him; he’d been afraid that Alhaitham might reject him because he’s been so ill. He tugs Alhaitham down the hallway to his room, and he’s filled with the sort of happiness he hasn’t felt since he’d gotten sick.

They are kissing on the bed, and everything feels so good and so right and so perfect—until something starts to feel wrong—until Kaveh’s back explodes in pain. He jerks away from Alhaitham with a strangled cry, the searing pain shooting from his scar along the tendrils, and it feels as though as every vein Kaveh’s body is filled with boiling water. He collapses against Alhaitham’s chest, writhing in agony, his hands clawing at anything he can hold onto. Of course, the only thing within reach is Alhaitham himself, and Kaveh scratches him in his hysteria, hard enough in some places to draw little pinpricks of blood. He can see it, he knows he’s doing it, but he’s lost control of his own body, and he hates himself for it. He can hear Alhaitham calling his name as if from very far away, and he cries, the tears hot and stinging. The fit passes, the pain diminishes to a manageable level, and Kaveh lies, trembling, on top of Alhaitham. Alhaitham holds him close, whispering soothingly, and Kaveh’s scar throbs. He’s been nothing but a useless burden to Alhaitham, and he can’t even make Alhaitham feel good in return. He sits up suddenly, and though the movement makes him dizzy, he ignores it and tries to cover the red marks on Alhaitham’s chest with his hands. Alhaitham also sits up, gently removes Kaveh’s hands from his chest, and holds them.

“I hurt you,” Kaveh chokes out.
“You really didn’t,” Alhaitham says evenly. He kisses Kaveh’s hands. “We don’t need to do this now.”
“Do you even remember the last time we—”
“It doesn’t bother me,” Alhaitham interrupts. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
“But it bothers me!” Kaveh wails. “It matters to me!”
Alhaitham frowns slightly in concern. “Kaveh, really, we can—”
“No!” Kaveh shrieks, and his scar is pulsing, the pain building. “I’m ugly now, I get it, you don’t want me anymore, you don’t love me anymore—”
“Kaveh, stop, that’s not true. You know it’s not true.”

Alhaitham is looking at him almost helplessly, and Kaveh hates it. He suddenly hates so much that Alhaitham is kind to him. He yanks his hands from Alhaitham’s grip and tries to crawl away, but he’s only managed to turn to the side before his scar sends another terrible shockwave of pain through his body. He falls half out of Alhaitham’s lap with a gasp. Alhaitham sighs in resignation and carefully lays Kaveh out on the bed. “Try not to move too much. I will get your medicine.” Alhaitham stands and leaves the room, and Kaveh says nothing to him as he does. He’s done it again. He’s made his boyfriend angry. Does he even deserve to call himself that anymore? He doesn’t. He shouldn’t. Kaveh sniffles and props himself up on his elbows. He looks down at his bare chest, and the awful tendrils are an angry, raw red, and they’re pulsating. The tears start to fall and Kaveh flops back down, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes to try to stop himself from crying. He is truly revolting; it’s really no wonder that Alhaitham is repulsed by him.

A few minutes later, Kaveh feels the bed dip as Alhaitham sits down. Alhaitham gently pats Kaveh’s stomach. “C’mon, sit up.” Reluctantly, Kaveh pulls himself into a sitting position and leans against the headboard while Alhaitham slides a few pillows behind him. Alhaitham hands Kaveh a glass of cloudy water. “I’ve mixed in the medicine already.” Kaveh downs the glass in a few gulps and shudders; the taste is as disgusting as ever. Alhaitham watches for signs that Kaveh might throw it all back up, and once he’s satisfied that the medicine is going to stay in Kaveh’s stomach, he rises from the bed. “I will come back in thirty minutes to check on you. Call for me if you need me sooner.” Kaveh nods glumly, and Alhaitham leaves.

It had been Kaveh’s request that Alhaitham leave him alone after he recovers from an episode instead of hovering around him like a nervous mother hen, but the pounding in his head is making it hard for him to think anything other than that Alhaitham is tired of him and simply doesn’t want to be with him. He lies down and buries himself in his blankets, waiting for the pain to go away.

When Kaveh wakes up the next morning, Alhaitham is sitting up in bed beside him, reading. Kaveh reaches for him, and Alhaitham grabs Kaveh’s hand immediately.

“Sorry about last night,” Kaveh says hoarsely. “I don't know why I said those things.”
Alhaitham shakes his head. “I've told you before. You don't need to apologize.”
“Thanks,” Kaveh says with a small smile, and he squeezes Alhaitham's hand. Alhaitham looks from his book to Kaveh’s face, a small crease forming on his brow.
“I have to go to Port Ormos for a few days.”
Kaveh’s face falls. “Why?”
“It's for that project I mentioned to you last night.”
“Oh, that's… okay.”
“I've already got a nurse who’s going to come stay here with you, and I have a doctor on call. He’ll come by a few times a day.”
Kaveh lets go of Alhaitham’s hand and turns away. “Right, of course.”
“And Tighnari will come for a bit as well.”
Kaveh doesn't care about the nurses or doctors or even Tighnari; he wants Alhaitham. “Your work is very important,” he says. “Good luck while you're there.”
“Yes,” Alhaitham says quietly, “it's extremely important.”

Although Alhaitham is only gone for less than a week, it feels like a lifetime to Kaveh. He doesn't know how he'd managed to go weeks without seeing Alhaitham whenever either of them had been on fieldwork because trying to live without Alhaitham now is close to unbearable. In his more lucid moments, Kaveh supposes his yearning for Alhaitham’s company is a result of his not being able to work or do much of anything without experiencing excruciating pain. But the nurse who stays with him is kind, as is the doctor who stops by three times a day every day, and Kaveh is always glad for Tighnari’s company. Tighnari tells Kaveh all about Collei and a strange outlander who had visited, and chatting with Tighnari about such mundane topics makes Kaveh forget, even just for a little while, that he is slowly wasting away.

“Mr. Alhaitham!”

Kaveh jolts awake at the noise. His room is dark, but there's a sliver of light coming through the half-open door. Kaveh can see Alhaitham in the hallway, but he can't see the doctor, for it was the doctor who had spoken; he had called after Alhaitham just a little too loudly and woken Kaveh up. Kaveh rubs his eyes and squints at Alhaitham in the hallway. Alhaitham is back? Kaveh smiles to himself a little and is just about to say something when the doctor starts to speak again.

“Sorry, I just—I need to tell you a few things before I go while Mr. Kaveh is still asleep.”
“Then tell me.” Alhaitham’s tone is impatient.
“Mr. Alhaitham, although it pains me greatly to say this, Mr. Kaveh’s condition is getting consistently and aggressively worse. It isn't Eleazar, so conventional treatments don't have the same mitigating effects.”
“Get to the point.”
“Mr. Alhaitham, he has weeks left to live at most. Since you’re so close to him, I think you should talk to him about getting his affairs in order.”
“Thank you for telling me,” Alhaitham says after a moment. “I need to go check on him now. Thank you for your help while I was away.”

Kaveh's heart stops. Weeks at most? He doesn't want to believe it, but somewhere deep down he feels like he'd known it to be true ever since he'd left the hospital. He watches Alhaitham through the crack in the door, and Alhaitham pauses outside the room with his hand on the door handle. He stands there so long that Kaveh can eventually tell that he's shaking. Alhaitham pinches the bridge of his nose, and when he takes a shuddering breath, Kaveh realizes that Alhaitham is crying. His eyes widen. Alhaitham never cries; Kaveh hadn't thought Alhaitham had enough emotion in his body to be capable of crying. But it passes quickly, and with two quick wipes of his hand, the tears on Alhaitham’s face disappear. He takes another deep breath and then walks into Kaveh’s room. He stops beside the bed and summons a Dendro prism for more light, and then he reaches out to pull back Kaveh’s blanket. Before Alhaitham can do anything, Kaveh sits up.

“I’m awake,” he says, and Alhaitham stares at him in surprise. “What were you trying to do?”
Alhaitham looks almost sheepish. “Check if you were breathing.”
Kaveh’s back throbs. “Oh.”
“Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?”

Kaveh shakes his head, so Alhaitham dismisses his prism and turns on the light before slipping into the bed beside Kaveh. Kaveh snuggles up to him. Alhaitham runs his fingers gently up and down Kaveh’s arm, and Kaveh closes his eyes, content.

“I know I just got back, but I have to leave again the day after tomorrow.”
Kaveh’s eyes snap open. “What, why?”
“The deadline for my project got pushed up.”
Kaveh huffs. “I thought things like that didn't happen to the Scribe.”
“It can happen to anyone,” Alhaitham says with a shrug.
Kaveh makes an unconvinced noise and starts to tie knots into Alhaitham’s sash. “Haitham, tell me the truth. I'm going to die, aren't I?”
Alhaitham’s fingers freeze. “Why are you asking that?”
“Alhaitham,” Kaveh says firmly. “Tell me the truth.”
“You…” Alhaitham seems to be struggling with something. “It’s not an unlikely scenario, no.”
“I thought so,” Kaveh says, and he laughs mirthlessly. “I’m not surprised. I can barely function anymore.”
“I said it wasn’t unlikely, not that it was an eventuality.”
Kaveh’s back twinges in pain, and his bitter laughter changes into broken sobs. He can't take this anymore. “Why is this happening to me?”
“Kaveh...”
“I just wanted to help people.” Kaveh buries his face into Alhaitham’s chest. “Why is this happening to me?”

Alhaitham says nothing and just holds Kaveh tightly as he cries.

Alhaitham is gone longer this time, but Kaveh barely notices. His condition has worsened to the extent that Kaveh is asleep more often than not, and when he is awake, he often isn’t lucid. The pain is now a constant, pulsing ache that permeates his entire body, and Kaveh has intense fits of excruciating pain at least once a day. The scar now stretches from hip to hip and covers his entire lower back, and the tendrils crisscross his whole torso. In one of his more clearheaded moments, he’d overheard a doctor tell one of the nurses that the tendrils had reached his heart, and once the Decay overpowered his heart, he would die.

Kaveh had been angry at first, then sad, then scared, but now, he feels somewhat at peace. He had accomplished a lot of things in his life, despite his recent string of failures, and those accomplishments had meant something to him, to his Darshan, to all of Sumeru. He had helped people, all kinds of people, and he is just as well known for his empathy toward those around him as he is for his work. He had even fallen in love. All things considered, he’s lived a rather fulfilling life. He just wishes he could have had more time because he knows that he has more that he can give.

Kaveh doesn’t know how much time had passed when he next sees Alhaitham. He doesn’t know if Alhaitham had come back earlier and Kaveh had been too delirious to notice, or if Alhaitham had only just returned. But Kaveh finds that he doesn’t much care. Alhaitham is here now, and Kaveh has something that he wants to say. He calls Alhaitham over, and Alhaitham comes at once. He sits on the edge of the bed and brushes Kaveh’s hair from his face.

“How’s your project going?” Kaveh asks.
“I’m in the final stretch,” Alhaitham replies. “Should only be another day or two before it’s finished.”
“That’s very good. I’m proud of you.”
“Praise me when it’s done.”
Kaveh laughs a little. “Right, right, sorry.” He pauses. “Haitham, I have something important to tell you, and I need you to listen very carefully.”
Alhaitham’s brow furrows slightly. “Yes?”
With all the strength that he can muster, Kaveh raises his arm and reaches out to touch Alhaitham’s cheek. “I don’t want you to stay stuck on me when I go.”
“Kaveh, don’t—”
“Haitham,” Kaveh interrupts, “I need you to listen.” Alhaitham falls silent, but his frown is more pronounced. Kaveh’s fingers continue to ghost over Alhaitham’s cheek, and he swallows. “My time’s almost up. We both know it. And I want you to move on, Haitham. I want you to be happy.”

The strength in Kaveh’s arm fails him, and it drops lifelessly back onto the bed. Alhaitham stares at it, then meets Kaveh’s eyes, and reflected in his eyes Kaveh can see Alhaitham’s grief and helplessness. Alhaitham isn’t the type of person to give into despair, nor is he the type of person who ever experiences powerlessness, so it must be Kaveh’s fault that Alhaitham feels this way. Everything is Kaveh’s fault. It’s always his fault. A surge of agonizing pain passes through Kaveh’s body, followed by a wave of nausea, but Kaveh swallows it down. He has to hold on; he still has one more thing he wants to say.

“I love you more than anything else in the world,” Kaveh says, his voice breaking, “but I want you to move on. I want you to forget about me, but just remember that I loved you, and don’t you dare ever forget exactly how much.”

Alhaitham doesn’t say anything, but he clambers onto the bed and envelops Kaveh in his arms. The pain in Kaveh’s back is building up, and Kaveh knows that he’s going to faint soon, but he tries to hold on for as long as he can. Weakly, he forces his useless arms to wrap around Alhaitham as best they can, and when he does, Alhaitham squeezes him even tighter. “Two days,” he's muttering. “Two days, I just need two more days, hang on for just two more days…” Kaveh has no idea what Alhaitham is talking about—maybe the stress from his research project and having to care for Kaveh had driven him a bit insane; even the best researchers have breakdowns every now and then. But Kaveh can't think about it too much because the pain is starting to overwhelm him, and moments later, he passes out.

Chapter Text

“Wake up, Kaveh.”

Kaveh pulls the blanket over his head. I don’t want to, he thinks. I’m not ready.

“It's time to wake up now. We have somewhere we need to go.”

Begrudgingly, Kaveh opens his eyes and sits up. A little girl is sitting in the chair by his bedside that is usually reserved for Alhaitham. She has long ears and big, green eyes, and she's smiling at him. “Good,” she says, “now up you get.” She hops from the chair and marches to the door. Intrigued, Kaveh follows her. She pushes the door open, and instead of the hallway in Alhaitham’s house, he's in one of Kshahrewar’s labs at the Akademiya. He looks down at the little girl in confusion, but she just smiles up at him and proceeds down the hallway.

It's like walking through a moving film of his own memories: he can see himself at all different stages of his life through the windows into the various rooms, and the hallway itself morphs over time into the hallway of his childhood home. The little girl stops outside the door to his bedroom.

“Do you feel any pain?” she asks.
“No,” Kaveh says, surprised. “I don't, actually.”

He looks down at himself, and he's wearing his regular clothes, not any of the nightgowns or sweaters or t-shirts he'd worn as he'd gotten sicker. He doesn't see any sign of the tendrils through the V-neck opening of his shirt, either. He blinks and then stares down at the girl as comprehension dawns on him.

“I’m dreaming,” he says in amazement.
“Yes,” the little girl says. “You are. You're a quick learner.”
“Thanks, um?”
“You can call me Nahida.”
“Okay, thanks, Nahida. Where are we?”
“We’re in your dream, silly. And behind this door are the last vestiges of what’s making you sick. Are you ready to face it?”
If he needs to face it, then that means it can be overcome. Kaveh gazes resolutely at the door. “Yes, I am.”

Nahida pushes the door open, and in Kaveh’s childhood bedroom is a giant, ugly mass of pulsating red and black goo. It's suspended in midair by several long appendages that have stuck to the ceiling, walls, and floors. It's repulsive, and the sight of it makes Kaveh feel ill.

“You're very strong to have fought against it so long,” Nahida says. “You did well.”
“What is it exactly?”
“It's a concentration of the Decay, one of the Withering’s effects. It first fed on your elemental energy, so whenever someone gave you more, it had something else to feed on, which lessened your symptoms. Eventually it grew greedy and started feeding on your actual life force.”
Kaveh frowns. “And this is what’s left of it?”
“Yes,” Nahida says with a nod. “I was able to expunge the majority of the toxic energy that had taken root in your body, but this was locked too deep.”
“How do we destroy it?”
“Hold my hand and think of all the things that bring light to your life.”

Kaveh takes Nahida’s outstretched hand, and she smiles up at him. The things that bring light to my life? Kaveh thinks. His work comes to mind—all of his projects, completed or still in progress; his charity work to help the people around him; his dear friends and colleagues and juniors and mentors; the people who had helped him when he'd been sick, like Tighnari; Alhaitham… Suddenly, a strange pressure at the base of Kaveh’s skull pulses angrily for a moment before it dissolves, and it feels as though a trickle of cold water is sliding down his spine. He shivers and opens his eyes, though he hadn't even realized he'd closed them. He's no longer in his room; in fact, he seems to be standing in some sort of endless expanse. He looks around, but there's no sign of Nahida. An odd light in his periphery is growing brighter and brighter, and Kaveh assumes he must be waking up.

As if from very far away, he can just make out Nahida’s voice.

“You should thank Alhaitham, you know. He did everything he could to try to save you.”

Chapter Text

When Kaveh wakes up, his body feels heavy and sore. This soreness feels different from the usual ache, like he'd just had a particularly strenuous workout rather than a brush with death. He opens his eyes slowly. He's in his bedroom, and mid-morning light is filtering through a gap in the curtains of his window. This is most certainly not a dream. He pulls himself into a sitting position, his too-long bangs falling into his face. He grumbles a little and turns to his nightstand to grab a hair tie and some clips when he notices Alhaitham. Alhaitham is sitting in a chair but lying half on the bed, his head pillowed on his arms, fast asleep. Kaveh finds the sight somewhat endearing.

He grabs a hair tie and puts his hair up, and he’s surprised by how easy it is to do; the last time he'd been conscious he'd barely been able to raise his arms. Experimentally, he lifts and waves his arms around, and though there is that soreness, it doesn't get any worse or tire him out. Kaveh looks down at himself; he's wearing a sweater. In trepidation, curiosity, and the tiniest bit of excitement, Kaveh pulls up the sweater. The sight of his own chest makes him choke because it is no longer covered in those awful tendrils. He twists and turns to try to get a look at his back, but before he can do so, his movements wake Alhaitham.

“Kaveh?”
“Am I cured?” Kaveh blurts out. He needs to hear Alhaitham say it before he can believe it. Alhaitham sits up straight and gives Kaveh a small smile.
“Yes. You are free.”

Overcome with emotion, Kaveh throws off his blanket and scrambles from the bed. His legs feel like jelly—he obviously hasn't fully recovered—but he can stand, Archons above, he can stand on his own. Alhaitham rises from his chair at the same time, and Kaveh throws himself into Alhaitham’s arms. He has strength enough to actually embrace Alhaitham now. Kaveh squeezes the life out of him, and Alhaitham laughs softly in his ear. Kaveh remembers the little girl and the strange dream (of all things, a dream!), and he pulls back to gaze affectionately at Alhaitham.

“It's because of you, isn't it?”
“What makes you say that?”
“I had a dream,” Kaveh says. “There was a girl, and she told me I should thank you for trying to save me.”
Alhaitham looks a bit embarrassed. “You could say that I've spent the last few months trying to find a cure.”
All the pieces start falling into place. “Is that why you were at work so long and went on those trips? Was that the research project?”
“Yes.”
“Archons, Haitham, I sometimes thought you were sick of me and wanted to leave me.”
“Mm.” Alhaitham frowns slightly. “When your clarity of mind started to slip, such thoughts would surface. It was that scar; it made you say all kinds of things, and it made you volatile. Well, more volatile than usual, anyway.”
Kaveh smacks Alhaitham’s shoulder. “Don't call me volatile.” He pauses. So he'd said all kinds of things in his delirium? Kaveh is seized by a sudden morbid curiosity, and, in spite of himself, he asks, “What kinds of things?”
Alhaitham’s expression grows somewhat troubled. “I don't think it would be a good idea to repeat them.”
“Just rip off the bandage. Tell me.”
“It would sometimes be things about how you knew I was cheating on you and that I should just leave you. Or that you'd known all along I'd never loved you and that you didn't love me anymore, either.”
Kaveh gasps in horror. “Oh, Haitham, I don't actually think any of those things!”
“I know you don't,” Alhaitham says gently. “I never took any of it to heart.”

Although Kaveh knows both that what he’d said hadn’t truly come from him and that Alhaitham definitely isn’t the type to care about such things, he can’t help but feel guilty and ashamed. He goes back to the bed and sits, glaring moodily at his toes. Alhaitham sits beside him and runs his fingers through the ends of Kaveh’s hair.

“It's very long,” he says, and Kaveh appreciates that Alhaitham is trying to change the subject to make him feel better.
“Yeah, and it's kind of annoying.”
“Would you like me to braid it for you?”

In response Kaveh angles his body so more of his back is facing Alhaitham and pulls one of his legs up under himself. He frowns a little at his leg; his ankle is narrower, and his calf and thigh are much thinner than they had been. Ah, he'd really lost so much weight… Kaveh closes his eyes with a small sigh and focuses instead on the feeling of Alhaitham’s fingers in his hair. Really, he'd just found out that he’ll be okay, what is he doing thinking these negative thoughts?

“So how did you manage to cure me?” Kaveh asks.
“I saved the Archon from the Sages.”
Kaveh whips around so fast that he manages to pull his own hair, which is still threaded through Alhaitham’s fingers. “You—ouch—you what?”
“I saved the Archon from the Sages,” Alhaitham repeats, his expression smug. He gives Kaveh’s hair a little tug. “Turn back around. I’m not done.”
“You better tell me the whole story,” Kaveh grumbles.
“After you stopped breathing that night, I realized this was more serious than everyone had thought,” Alhaitham begins, and Kaveh listens attentively. “So I started researching the Withering. While I was working on that, the Akademiya asked me to recover a Divine Knowledge Capsule, and I thought that if there were any knowledge of how to cure you, it would be in that capsule.”
“You were willing to risk using something like that for me?”
“Of course,” Alhaitham says without hesitation. He flicks Kaveh’s completed braid over his shoulder. “Long story short, I found it, but only after I saw it drive a man mad. That incident led me to the desert.”
Kaveh turns around and leans against the headboard, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. “But what does any of this have to do with saving the Archon from the Sages?”
“I'm getting to that,” Alhaitham says.

As it turns out, Alhaitham had met the same strange outlander as Tighnari while in Port Ormos, and their paths had crossed again in the desert. It had been Alhaitham’s encounter with this person that had eventually alerted him to the fact that the Sages had been keeping Lesser Lord Kusanali imprisoned. A number of twists and turns later (the kinds of twists and turns that had Kaveh gasping in disbelief and that he probably wouldn't have believed if Alhaitham were the sort to have any imagination at all), Alhaitham had learned the truth behind the Withering. “The Archon was able to stop it once,” Alhaitham says. “I was hoping she could do it again.” So then he and all his new friends had come up with a (frankly insane) plan to free Lesser Lord Kusanali and stop the Sages from finishing the construction of their false god. Somehow, it had all worked out.

“If I weren't sitting here cured, I don’t think I'd have believed a word you just said.”
Alhaitham shrugs. “Your not believing the facts doesn't make them any less true.”
“Ugh, don't get philosophical on me. Besides, I do believe you. But you still haven't told me how I was cured.”
“Well, I asked the Archon to come here and try to help you. And as a favor for rescuing her, she did.”
Kaveh is struck by a sudden thought. “Does she take the form of a little girl in white clothes?”
“Yes, you met her in your dream,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh groans.
“Why didn't you warn me I was going to meet Sumeru’s Archon? I would have made myself more presentable!”
“Kaveh,” Alhaitham says seriously, “you were literally on the brink of death. I could not have warned you about anything.”
Kaveh huffs. “You could have at least tried!”
“Fine, next time you almost die, I'll be sure to let you know when the Archon shows up to save you.”
“Anyway, forget about all that,” Kaveh says with a wave of his hand. “What happened to the Sages?”
“Exiled.”
“Even the Grand Sage?”
“Yes.”
“Wait, but then who's in charge?”
Alhaitham looks vaguely pained. “That would be me.”
Kaveh shrieks, and Alhaitham's pained expression grows more pronounced. “You? But how? When did they even decide this?”
“Three days ago.”
“Three—huh? How could it have been three days ago? When did the Archon come to see me?”
“Two days ago.”
Kaveh frowns. “But when did you save her?”
“Five days ago.”

Kaveh is confused; the timeline seems a bit muddled to him. Seeing that Kaveh is struggling to puzzle out what had happened, Alhaitham takes pity on him. He explains that after freeing Lesser Lord Kusanali, she and the Traveler had spent two days dealing with the Sages’ false god. It was in this time that they had somehow been able to cure Eleazar. “But I didn't have Eleazar,” Kaveh interrupts, and Alhaitham nods. “Yes, that's why you weren't cured. But whatever they did stabilized you.” Alhaitham goes on to explain that Eleazar had been cured, but the Withering Zones that had already taken root hadn't been removed. They had stopped growing larger, though. Alhaitham had concluded that because Kaveh’s illness had been directly caused by a Withering Zone, which hadn't disappeared, it hadn't been cured either.

Kaveh sighs. “I guess that makes sense. So because I wasn't getting better, you asked the Archon to step in?”
“Essentially.”
“Huh.” Kaveh beckons Alhaitham closer. “Anyway, c’mere, you're not touching me enough.”
Alhaitham rolls his eyes but crawls across the bed to sit beside Kaveh, and he curls an arm around Kaveh’s waist. “Was my explanation of events satisfactory?”
Kaveh cuddles up to him. “Hmm, I’ll give it a B-.”
“Everyone's a critic,” Alhaitham says with a shake of his head. He gives Kaveh a little pat. “Anyway, how are you feeling? Are you still experiencing any pain?”
“Now that I know what real pain feels like, definitely not.” Kaveh starts to play with Alhaitham’s sash. “I am sore all over, though.”
“That makes sense. Minor symptoms will likely persist for a while.”
“But I don't want to talk about that anymore,” Kaveh says. “Tell me about something else.”
Alhaitham’s fingers slip beneath Kaveh’s sweater to ghost across his skin, and Kaveh shivers, snuggling closer. “Hm, well, there's going to be some big party the day after tomorrow, actually. If you're feeling up to it, you can come with me.”
“Who’s going to be there?”
“Everyone.”
Kaveh yanks Alhaitham's sash in irritation. “And who's everyone?”
“Tighnari, Collei, Cyno, Nilou, and some people you haven't met before.”
“That sounds nice, actually. But first I need to get a haircut.”
Alhaitham chuckles. “Of course. I can take you today if you'd like.”
“Good.” Kaveh sits up and stretches with a yawn. “Make me something to eat. I’m starving.”
To Kaveh’s surprise, Alhaitham smiles as he gets out of the bed. “I am glad you are hungry again.”

Kaveh blushes, embarrassed, but he scrambles after Alhaitham and follows him to the kitchen.

Both Kaveh and Alhaitham had somewhat overestimated the rate of Kaveh’s recovery once he’d been cured by Nahida. Kaveh is still able to walk on his own and do normal things, but the soreness gets troublesome after a while, and he gets tired much more easily. So Kaveh never makes it to the barber that day or the next, and he spends most of this time asleep. But when he’s awake, he’s lucid, and Alhaitham—despite being the Acting Grand Sage, somehow—takes off the two days before the party to be with him. It’s nice, really, even though Kaveh isn’t at a hundred percent yet. Alhaitham dotes, in his own way, and though it had frustrated (and embarrassed) Kaveh when he'd been sick, he finds that he appreciates it now. It is somewhat relieving to have proof that Alhaitham’s affections toward him hadn't changed.

The night before the party, Kaveh complains that he wants to go outside for once, so Alhaitham brings two chairs out onto his porch. The air outside is crisp and fresh, and it makes Kaveh feel better immediately. He wriggles around in his chair, energized, and Alhaitham laughs softly at him. “We should go for a walk before the party tomorrow,” Kaveh says brightly. Alhaitham wraps his coat around Kaveh’s shoulders and kisses his temple. “If you'd like.” Kaveh pulls Alhaitham’s coat tighter around himself with a contented sigh. Alhaitham leaves and returns with Kaveh’s sketchbook. “I thought maybe…” Alhaitham’s voice trails off. “You haven't drawn anything in a long time,” he says finally. Kaveh smiles and takes it. He hasn’t drawn anything in a long time. He flips through the pages, and toward the end he sees some of his early concept work for his ill-fated Withering Zone project. Looking at it makes him feel a little anxious, so he quickly turns the page, and his next sketch makes him laugh out loud—he'd apparently doodled Alhaitham in a number of animal onesies. “What's so funny?” Alhaitham asks, and Kaveh coughs. “Nothing.” He turns to a blank page, peeks surreptitiously at Alhaitham, and starts to draw the scene in front of him.

“You always make me look better than I actually do.”
Kaveh shrieks and nearly drops his sketchbook. “Alhaitham! You can't just sneak up on people like that!” His whole face and chest are bright red from embarrassment at having been caught drawing Alhaitham. Alhaitham pinches Kaveh’s cheek.
“Come on, let's go back inside. It's time to get ready for bed.”

Kaveh had been so focused on his drawing that he hadn't realized how much time had passed or how tired he is, but as soon as Alhaitham mentions bedtime, the exhaustion crashes into him with the force of a Mitachurl. He stands but immediately sits back down, a bit woozy, his body sore and heavy. He's overdone it, he thinks. He probably should have napped. He drops his sketchbook beside him and squeezes his eyes shut. “Are you all right?” Alhaitham asks in concern, and Kaveh nods, though it makes him dizzier. “I think we need to wait a few minutes,” he mumbles, and Alhaitham sighs quietly. “Come here.” Kaveh cracks his eyes open to see Alhaitham stooping over him, and Kaveh automatically wraps his arms around Alhaitham’s neck. Alhaitham lifts him as easily as if he were a baby, and Kaveh gets a bit upset again by how much weight he'd lost.

Alhaitham pushes the door to Kaveh’s room open, but Kaveh starts squirming around his arms. “No, I want to stay with you in your room.” Alhaitham makes a small noise of acknowledgement and goes to his room instead. He sets Kaveh down carefully in his bed and flips on the lights.

“I'm surprised you can stand the mess,” Alhaitham teases. “Yesterday you told me my books were stressing you out.”
Kaveh wrinkles his nose at the stacks of books on Alhaitham’s floor. “That's because I told you to get them out of the living room and they ended up on your bedroom floor instead of the bookshelves in your study.”
Alhaitham clears his throat. “I'll be right back,” he says as if he hadn't heard Kaveh.
“Yeah, yeah, go run away,” Kaveh grumbles as he starts to rearrange the pillows on Alhaitham’s bed.

Alhaitham returns a few minutes later carrying a tray, and Kaveh shakes his head disapprovingly. Alhaitham had brought Kaveh’s toothbrush and all of his nightly skincare products, including a bowl of warm water and a cloth for him to wash his face.

“I needed ten minutes at most before I could get to the bathroom on my own,” Kaveh complains.
“I want you to come with me tomorrow,” Alhaitham replies simply. “If you overexert yourself tonight, you won't be able to.”
“Fine, fine. I don't really mind it when you take care of me.”
“I know you don't,” Alhaitham says, and Kaveh glares at him.

Kaveh gets ready for bed and steals one of Alhaitham’s shirts to sleep in. Alhaitham notices, and though he doesn't say anything, he smiles a little as he takes Kaveh’s toiletries back to the bathroom. When he returns, he slides into bed beside Kaveh, who promptly snuggles up to him. He's so warm, and he smells so nice… Kaveh yawns dramatically. “Read to me until I fall asleep,” he says, and Alhaitham reaches for a book from his nightstand. “Of course.”

The next day Kaveh feels quite energized. He'd slept a lot and taken it easy most of the day, so his body aches have been so minimal that he barely notices them. Kaveh begrudgingly admits that Alhaitham had been right to have him sleep early. When it's time to get ready, Kaveh dresses, and though it's refreshing to wear his usual clothes again, he doesn't love how loose they are. He turns this way and that in front of the mirror as Alhaitham braids his hair until Alhaitham gently pulls on his braid. “You look great. Stop fussing.” Kaveh at peers at Alhaitham through the mirror. “You think so? Can you see the scratches through the opening in the back?” Although the ugly splotchy scar and its tendrils had disappeared, there are several long, dark scratches left on Kaveh’s lower back. He and Alhaitham believe the scratches to be marks left by his actual collision with the Tumor, and these, they hope, will likely fade with time. Alhaitham had even suggested that they hadn’t already healed completely because the Decay hadn’t let them.

“They are not visible,” Alhaitham says. Kaveh smiles, satisfied. “Good.” Alhaitham plucks the feather that Kaveh always used to wear from the top of the nearby wardrobe and tucks it behind Kaveh’s ear. “There,” he says as he gazes at Kaveh through the mirror. “Now you’re perfect.”

Seeing the feather in his hair does make Kaveh feel a bit more like himself. He turns around to face Alhaitham and curls his arms around Alhaitham’s neck. Alhaitham’s arms automatically wrap around Kaveh’s waist, and he looks upon Kaveh with all the love in the world. They’ll be okay, Kaveh thinks. Alhaitham had plucked out all the weeds that had festered in Kaveh’s heart and planted a new bed of fresh flowers. And now that he's recovering, Kaveh can return those flowers of love that had started to peek out from the soil of his soul. He kisses Alhaitham tenderly.

“Thank you, Alhaitham. For everything.”
Alhaitham gives Kaveh a gentle smile. “Of course.”