Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Diving between worlds without permission was a little like throwing yourself through a plate-glass window.

In the movies, it’s all glitz and glamour. The glass shatters harmlessly, and the hero sails through, tumbling to earth while locked in mortal combat with the baddie, only to safely smash into a parked car. Of course, everyone knows that movies have special breakable glass and stuntmen dropping onto padded foam. In reality, a fall of a few metres onto a parked car would kill you instantly.

And the glass?

The razor-sharp tempered glass?

Slitting you up, shards of spall twinkling to earth like hateful snowflakes, slicing up your lungs as you breathe them in?

Jumping through a plate-glass window was no picnic.

So it was that Tommy smashed his way through the walls of reality, the first sensation he felt was blinding, blistering pain. It burned and bit and tore at his body, like shards of glass slicing at his skin, and he fell, and fell, and fell-

He opened his eyes and screamed in horror as the ground sped up to greet him, hundreds of blocks below him, the clouds whipping past his face. In the distance, he saw the spire of some build- some colossal thing of blackstone and deepslate, but he didn’t have time to consider that, because the ground was getting closer- and closer- and-

SPLOOSH.

He sank straight to the bottom of the pool of water, and Tommy frantically swam his way to the surface, breaking through and gasping for his next breath. Okay. Okay. So-

That worked. He was alive. Awesome. Awesome.

He swam out of the pond, hauling himself up onto the grass, and glancing at his communicator.

And he bit his lip.

It was…unresponsive. Shorted out? The screen was blank, and he smacked it a few times. That wasn’t good.

“Okay, well, fuck me then.” Tommy muttered, “Right. Okay. So I guess…find someone who can fix…hold on, why the fuck haven’t I been sent to the Hub yet? Hello? Are you working?” he smacked his comm a few more times, before rubbing his forehead.

A spike of panic shot through him, and he swallowed. He needed his comm to work, badly. If it wasn’t working- if the hard drive was cooked, then he’d lose all the data on it, and if he lost all the data on it-

Tommy flipped a catch on the side and easily lifted the comm’s rugged cowling, glancing at the internals. He didn’t know how to fix any of it, or what any of it did, but. The damage, while extensive…didn’t stretch to the hard drive. The hard drive was okay. His shoulders slumped in relief. Okay. Okay. He was good. He was okay.

“Alright, fine. I got the only thing I care about, so, like, whatever. Useless fucking thing. Right, find…some tools or something, fix that, and then get to the Hub. No big deal.” Tommy sighed and stood up, brushing some of the grass off his jeans, and taking a look around.

Right, so. Big hill there, and a winding path. In the distance, he could see the faint outlines of some builds- maybe there’d be some people there?

Tommy internally sighed, straightening up and putting on his best smile.

“You can have a picture with me, sure!” he practiced, “D’you mind taking a look at my comm? Yeah, sure, you can have an autograph, but can you look at my comm first? Alright, fuckin' great. I'm TommyInnit, bitch! I'm the biggest of the big men! They'll be eating out of the palm of my hand. Awesome. Okay, we got a plan. Let's go!”

Tommy set off walking, scratching the back of his head. It was morning, which was awesome- he probably had time to reach all those buildings before the sun started to set.

Seeing as he had no weapons or armour, that was probably a good thing. Not much time, but the builds were close, and that meant other people to mooch off. Easy enough, per usual.

Tommy put his hands in his pockets and looked up at the clouds as he walked. They were really pretty- one of them looked like a potion bottle, and his face split into a happy grin as he thought of Wilbur and Tubbo. That had been so much fun to film…

The builds drew closer, and Tommy stopped and whistled appreciatively. Whoever lived here was good- really good. A riot of mismatched builds in all different styles- towers and spires, trees and a dumpster, and distantly, a huge blackstone tower. Tommy folded his arms as he admired the builds. Whoever lived here, they were rich. The hallmarks of survival were evident, too, which was even more impressive.

He felt a stab of regret in his heart- all of this was insanity, and he could have learned how to do it. He could have, but then-

No, it wasn’t-

No. You go forward, never back. And besides…

He was pretty well done with that life, now. At least…

Tommy shook his head and set off down the path, hands in his pockets.

The closer he got to the huge village, the more beautiful the builds got. Tommy stopped at the top of a hill, looking down at a huge modern house, whistling appreciatively- the construction was intricate, and the owner was likely very talented.

A rocket fired overhead, and Tommy flinched. He spun around frantically, looking for the source, getting ready to dodge-

“HELLOOOOO!” a cheerful voice called, and Tommy looked up.

A man, middle-aged and clad in a flannel shirt and jeans, swooped in and flapped to a stop next to Tommy. He was tall and lean, tanned and muscular, with piercing blue eyes and short brown hair under a grey flat cap.

Oh, and sticking out of his back was a pair of wings that looked like they were forged from midnight. A pair of dripping, pterosaurian wings, that the man flexed, flicking a few drops of oily goo into the distance.

“Hello! Who is you?” the man said brightly, “I’m Keralis!”

“I, uh,” Tommy put on his best grin, “I’m Tommy! Tommyinnit. You’ve probably heard of me, yeah?”

Keralis leaned back and scratched his chin.

“Tommy…Tommy…OH!” And his eyes lit up, and Tommy internally sighed. Here it went-

“You’re that guy from Ponk’s show!” Keralis said brightly, “I love that!”

Ponk?!

Tommy puffed up his chest.

“Ponk!? I mean, yeah, sure- but- what about me, huh?! Tommyinnit! I’m the star of the fucking show, man!” Tommy tried to make himself look as big as possible.

Keralis stared at him.

“I don’t watch a lot of TV. Maybe I missed it? But…anyway. What is you doing here? This isn’t a place for…TV-people, you know? And do you mind not swearing so much? We don’t need.”

“Fuck you.” Tommy said conversationally, and Keralis cringed, “Anyway, that was gonna be my next question. Where the fuck am I?”

“This is…Hermitcraft!” Keralis said brightly, “I live here with all my friends! Sometimes, we go play games with others, but not often, no, no.”

He frowned and looked at Tommy.

“If you’re scouting this place for another bit of your silly show, that’s not happening.” Keralis folded his arms.

“I,” Tommy started, “Um. So, actually…walk with me, will you? Listen, big man, I need- I actually need some help. So, uh, my comm’s…gone bust. And I need to fix it. And then I’ll get out of your hair. Promise! Actually- do you know why I haven’t just teleported to the Hub the minute my comm broke?”

Keralis’ eyes lit up.

“Oh! That. That is because we make this world just so. Once you’re in, you no go out. Ever! Unless we all agree that you can have the right to leave. Mmm-hm!” Keralis nodded.

Tommy’s jaw dropped.

“I’m- I’m stuck here?”

“Mmmmm, yes.” Keralis nodded, “But no! Come, let’s go talk to Shishwammy. I’ll make you some tea, and we’ll decide what to do, okay?”

Tommy’s heart missed a few beats.

What the hell had he gotten himself into?

Chapter Text

<Xisuma> hey peeps, just letting you know- I lost my adderstone. If anyone sees it, can you give it back? thanks.

<iJevin> jeez x

<Tango> man, dude, you gotta put a string on that thing. Seriously this is like the fifth time this month

<Joehillssays> will keep an eye out! where did you have it last?

<Xisuma> used it this morning and then I went to Keralis’ place. I’m checking my house.

<Keralis1> Will look for it soon shishwammy! Also, I found the new guy. hes at mine

<BdoubleO100> cool I vote he can leave immediately

<Xisuma> we’ll discuss it later. After I find my adderstone.

<Tango> you can have my spare, X.

<Xisuma> on my way over!

Keralis’ “starter base”- and wasn’t that a terrifying concept, seriously, this place was bigger than half the sets they’d used for the show- was nevertheless warm and inviting, and Tommy sank down on the couch, staring at Keralis’ TV. Which thankfully was tuned to a speedrun on the sports channel- Tommy leaned in intently, watching as Feinberg ran the bastion route expertly.

“I’ll call Shishwammy over and then we talk. He was just here watching the speedruns, you know how it is.” Keralis said idly, turning on his kettle, “He said he forgot something at his house. Make yourself comfy! Me casa es su Casa and all that.”

Tommy nodded slowly, settling back into the couch.

As Keralis fussed with something in his adjoining kitchen, Tommy started to fidget restlessly. He wasn’t used to sitting still for so long, and without his comm, he couldn’t play any of the little games he’d preloaded on there for downtime like this. Instead, he glanced back to make sure Keralis wasn’t looking, and jammed his hand between the couch cushions. Last time he’d gone through someone’s couch cushions, he’d found an entire butterfly knife. Schlatt had yelled at him to give it back, it was a great time.

Maybe he’d find something fun in here too. Aside from old wrappers and unidentifiable fuzz.

Keralis was humming to himself as Tommy fished around, and his fingers hit something. It was close to the surface- dropped relatively recently, likely.

It was rough and felt like stone, and Tommy pulled it out to reveal…

A small, triangular rock, with a natural hole bored through the middle by the waves. He turned it over in his hands- it was smooth and green, flecked with veins of quartz. Very pretty. It had been polished smooth by the constantly rubbing of human hands, and Tommy turned it over, admiring it.

Well, if it was between the couch cushions, it wouldn’t be missed. He’d give it back later. For right now, this was something to relieve his boredom.

Footsteps climbed the stairs towards them, and Tommy stuffed the stone in his pocket. Not his inventory- he didn’t want to risk losing his cool rock if he got killed. If it was in his pocket, it’d respawn with him.

The stranger coming up the stairs revealed themselves to be another player, clad head-to-toe in green armour, with a purple visor.

“This is them?” he said, “I’m Xisuma, the admin around here. Pleased to meet you…?”

“Tommy! Tommyinnit.” Tommy sprang to his feet, offering his hand.

Xisuma took it and shook, and then the eyes behind the glass went wide.

“Oh, hold on, don’t tell me. You’re-“

Come on, come on, here it was-

“-you’re that bloke from Awesamdude’s little redstone show! I love the little behind the scenes bits he did for that prison of his. Keralis, what was that prison for?”

“I don’t know, I haven’t watched that bit yet. But I sink Sam and Ponk-“

“If you go off on another rant about Ponk, I’m turning off my helmet mics.” Xisuma sighed, and Keralis giggled.

Tommy’s shoulders sagged.

“Come on! I’m- I’m the star of the fucking show! The Tommyinnit! The big man on top! You know?” Tommy said desperately, and Xisuma shrugged.

“Sorry, mate. I just watched the BTS stuff Awesamdude did…and also, could you please stop swearing? There’s really no need for it.”

Tommy huffed.

“Anyway, can you hold still for me, please?” Xisuma pulled something out of his pocket, “I just need to check something. I’m not going to touch or hurt you, don’t worry.”

Tommy shifted uncomfortably. “What do you mean by ‘check something’?”

“Just need to take a look, that’s all.”

And to Tommy’s surprise, Xisuma pulled out a- a rock, with a hole in the middle. This one was square, and he held it up to his visor and stared at Tommy through the hole.

“Ah! Okay, I see. Yep, that’s what I wanted to know.” And with that, Xisuma put the rock away.

“I- wha?” Tommy blinked, “What the fuck was that about, huh?”

“Oh! I needed to- check you. That’s all. Anyone who comes in, has to be checked over. But you’re alright. Not sick or injured, nothing wrong, so honestly, I think you’ll be good to leave whenever. We’ll get all the hermits together and have a vote, and I’m sure everyone will be happy to let you leave whenever you like.” Xisuma nodded, and Tommy swallowed.

“Okay, back up. Why- like, man, what is this place? What’s- is this some kind of fucking cult? Like, shit, man, what’s the big idea with keeping people trapped- that’s really horrid!”

Xisuma clicked his tongue.

“It’s…not, really.” He said gently, “I can’t really tell you too much. But we have a vote to let people in, and a vote to let them leave. It’s not like that. You’re not trapped, I promise. We just- it’s for safety reasons.”

Tommy folded his arms.

“Bullshit. So okay, you’re all a weird cult. Fine. So what’s with the magic rock?”

“Shishwam can’t tell you that.” Keralis said, walking over with a rattling plate of cups and a teapot, “And neither can I. Have a seat and have some tea. Shishwam, it’s not as easy as us just voting to let him loose. His comm, she’s broken.” Keralis put the tray down on his ottoman, and gestured at Tommy’s arm.

Tommy sighed.

“Actually, yeah. Your weird fucking cult aside, my comm really is broken. So, tell you what. You guys fix it and let me out of here, and I won’t tell anyone about your creepy cult thing. Okay?”

Xisuma sighed.

“It’s not a cult.” He groaned, “but, sure. That works for me. You’ll have to go see Doc, or Iskall, or- honestly, we’ve got a ton of people who can fix it. Doc and Iskall are probably best, though.”

Keralis nodded. “Doc likes to fix comms and Iskall has been looking for a project recently. I’ll call them over!” and he turned away from the two of them, tapping on his comm.

Tommy stared at Xisuma.

“I don’t buy it for a second.” Tommy said flatly, “I don’t- man, you’re really weirding me out with this whole ‘vote to leave’ thing. Like- unless you’re doing something that needs total secrecy, you shouldn’t-“

He stopped himself mid-word.

Because of course, he was a bit of a hypocrite, wasn’t he? Glass houses, and all that. Which was such a stupid turn of phrase, because if you threw stone at a glass house, it’d just bounce off, so, like-

Xisuma sighed.

“Listen, mate. I’m gonna make this really simple. You’re the one who barged into our home. You can argue all you like about our rules, but the fact remains that while you’re here, you are going to take your shoes off in the house. Hopefully you understand.”

Tommy sighed.

Oh, he understood alright. He understood perfectly well. It still didn’t make it right. He didn’t like the idea of another place being so much like-

-well. Nevermind all that.

“Alright. Fine.” Tommy said, “I’ll drop it.”

Well, now he was totally going to go snooping. As soon as this fucker left, he was totally snooping as hard as he could for as long as he could.

“Thank you.” Xisuma said with a smile. “So, Tommy. I need to ask- how did you get here? It’s…really important for me to know, so I can patch whatever vulnerability you used.”

“Um,” tommy scratched his head, “so, uh, I- threw myself into the void, and then while I was half a heart from respawn, I triggered the server jump, and-“

Keralis’ teaspoon hit the floor with a clank.

“You did what?” he echoed, staring at Tommy with wide, wild eyes.

“I- you know! I just- wanted to try something, and I jumped-“

Xisuma inhaled.

“Okay.” He said softly, “Alright. Then…alright. I can…fix that. Thanks, Tommy. Do you mind if I…dump your comm’s crash report after it gets fixed? I won’t touch any of your data or messages.”

“Shishwammy, you can’t-“ Keralis said with a warning edge, and Xisuma sighed.

“Oh, don’t YOU start. Anyway. Tommy, may I?” Xisuma asked, and Tommy bit his lip.

Dumping the crash report meant accessing his comm’s hard drive. And that meant- well, that meant Xisuma would have access to his files, and specifically his camera roll, and that meant-

“Not a fucking chance.” Tommy shook his head, “You can’t. I won’t let you.”

“Well, alright. There’s no need to be rude.” Xisuma shook his head, and he breathed an internal sigh of relief.

Thank god for that, at least.

More footsteps clomped up the stairs, and Tommy sat up straight.

The man that stomped into the room was…huge. Green fur, a tower of bionics and red glass, wrapped in a labcoat and wearing a wry smile.

“Sisuma. Keralis. And…hello. You must be our new friend!” the man chuckled, “I’m Doc. And you…oh, hold on! You’re that guy from that show…my nephew’s show! Sam’s little friend!” Doc’s organic eye lit up, “No, no, don’t tell me…you’re…ah…Tubbo! You’re Tubbo?”

Tommy’s jaw dropped.

“I’M TOMMYINNIT!” he shouted, and Doc nodded.

“Ah. There’s no need to get mad! I just was guessing. Anyway, Keralis said your comm was broken?”

Chapter Text

Doc’s prognosis, leaning against Keralis’ kitchen island, wasn’t good.

Not that Tommy was paying much attention. Because Doc had said something really weird- “my nephew.” Sam- he’d talked to Sam enough to know that Sam’s parents were both only children. He didn’t have any uncles. So what was this Doc guy talking about?

“-mmy? Are you listening?” Doc said, and Tommy snapped back to reality with a grunt.

“Uh, sorry. I was thinking- about- stuff. Women! I was thinking about girls. And women. And all the girlfriends I’ve got. Yeah.”

Keralis nodded.

“A good thing to think about. Right, Shishwam? Girlfriends and boyfriends. I agree.”

“Do you have a girlfriend, then?” Tommy asked eagerly, and Keralis grinned and spread his arms.

“I have a boyfriend! Many boyfriends. Many girlfriends. I love them all. The sea, he is mine. And the sky, and the moon, and the sun…”

Tommy stared at him, at the blissful expression on Keralis’s face, and nodded slowly.

“Oh…okay. Sure. We’ll go with that. Uh. What about you, big man?” and he thumped Doc’s arm.

Doc shrugged.

“Seems silly to just have one. You love everyone, or not at all. That’s my take. Love is so…freeing. You know?”

“Yeah! Yeahyeahyeah!” Keralis said eagerly.

Xisuma cringed. Tommy saw it- he saw the armoured man’s shoulders tense up. Saw his eyes crinkle. Saw the wince.

And as soon as he’d seen it, it was gone.

“Uh, but anyway,” Doc rumbled, “So, your comm. It’s…I don’t know what you did, man, but it’s broken. Like, bad. I’m probably gonna need to rebuild it. Good news, your SSD is undamaged, so all your data should be good-“

Tommy released a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, and put a finger up to silence Doc.

“You- While you’re fixing it. Don’t go through the hard drive. Don’t TOUCH the hard drive. At all. Got it?” Tommy said, suddenly nervous, “I have a bunch of shit on there I need to take to- to the Hub. It’s really, really important. Don’t wipe it, don’t- just don’t.”

Doc chuckled.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. I’m good at what I do. I won’t break anything, don’t worry. I’ll set your hard drive aside for the whole thing, and you won’t lose any data. How’s that sound?”

Tommy nodded mutely, relaxing slightly. This Doc guy seemed friendly enough, at least. And as long as he got a working comm again…

 “So, if you’re happy with that, I’ll just put it in a new chassis and put it back together with some new components. You like the classic design, right? Or I could-“

“Doc.” Xisuma cut in, “I’m sure Bdubs would appreciate if our friend here was on his way sooner rather than later.”

“-Ah. Yeah. Classic design it is.” Doc nodded, “So I’ll go fix this up. In the meantime- you can still access your inventory and stuff, yeah?”

Tommy nodded, reaching into his inventory and stashing a nearby mug in there to demonstrate.

“Cool. Alright, I’ll go get started then. But I warn you: this is gonna take at least a week, and that’s if I rush and get some help.”

“Sounds good to me.” Tommy said, “I don’t want to be part of your fucking cult any longer than I need to.”

“If we’re a cult, then I don’t wanna know what the world of film is like.” Doc chuckled after a moment’s pause.

Tommy winced.

“No, trust me, you don’t. It’s…kind of awful. They lock down filming worlds- kinda like yours, honestly. That’s why I had to- uh-“

“Ah.” Doc chuckled, “I see, I see. And this is…allowed?”

“I- sort of?” Tommy scratched the back of his head, “It’s- they’re allowed to do it to lock down the set and keep spoilers from leaking, but they have to let us leave if we have a good reason. It’s just, uh…”

Tommy swallowed and clammed up.

“Some shit happened, and I don’t wanna talk about it. Film is cringe. And shit. It’s shitty cringe. And I am- I am kind of done with it now, not gonna lie.”

“…Alright. Suit yourself, then.” Doc shrugged, “Just, whatever you do, man, don’t…don’t fry your comm again. This might be beyond what the Hub techs can manage. Don’t worry though- nothing is beyond me.”

And with a dark chuckle, Doc turned and thumped heavily out of the room.

Tommy watched him go, swallowing nervously. His comm and all his data were now in the hands of a giant green man he didn’t know. Awesome.

Brave face, Tommy. Brave face. He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, turning to look at Keralis.

“Who’s Bdubs?” Tommy said, “Does- what, does he hate me, or something?”

“No, no! Bubbles is very lovely. We all love Bubbles. It’s just, after the sun sets, he needs his routine. Anything gets different, Bubbles gets upset. With you here, it…is a difference, yes.” Keralis nodded sagely, “So, it’s best for Bdubs if you’re on your way quickly.”

Tommy bit his lip.

“Alright. So just- give him space?”

“Well, uh,” Xisuma said, “Just make sure you- if you see him at sunset, he may be acting a little weird. And just- don’t wake him up if he’s asleep. You’re not a hermit, so he’s not going to react well to that. Okay?”

Tommy nodded, and made a mental note to scope out this Bdubs guy as soon as he could.

“Anyway, tools! You’ll probably want to build your own little starter base, right?” Xisuma asked, and Tommy nodded.

“Yeah. That would be good. You got stuff?”

Keralis nodded.

“Let me go to my main base. I think I got some spare stuff. Shishwam? You got a spare elytra? I have none, because, ah….”

Tommy had noticed the huge gash in Keralis’ back. The big slit in his shirt, that was full of more of that inky darkness. It was weird, and unsettling, but Tommy just figured he was some kind of ender-hybrid.

And then Keralis slipped two more of those oily black wings out, and Tommy looked at Xisuma for a reaction. He didn’t get one- the other man was totally unbothered, and nodded.

“Right. Well, wait here, and we’ll get you some stuff. No sense in having you die before you’ve even had a chance to set your spawn.” Xisuma nodded, “Keralis, do you mind?”

“Not at all! Tommy, you stay here, get used to things. We will be just a few, okay sweetface?”

Tommy nodded.

“I’ll just be here thinking about all the women I’m going to date after I get out of here.” He said with a grin, and Keralis giggled.

The two…hermits?...turned their backs to him and set off down the stairs.

And Tommy-

Tommy discreetly pulled the weird rock out of his pocket and held it up to his eye to look at them.

And his eyes went wide.

Xisuma looked the same, through the hole in the stone.

But Keralis…

Tommy got a glimpse of…decay. Patches of discoloured, blackened flesh. A clump of thinned hair. And-

Threads. Wispy black threads, wrapping around Keralis’s limbs, like a puppet on strings.

Xisuma twitched like he was about to turn back-

And Tommy frantically jammed the stone back in his pocket.

Chapter Text

“This is fucking aces,” Tommy chuckled, as he tore through dozens of blocks with a single swipe of his pick.

Keralis’ “spare garbage gear you can keep” had turned out to be a fully enchanted set of diamond tools and armour. Then Xisuma had just handed him an elytra and a box of rockets, gratis, no questions asked. Tommy wasn’t clueless- he’d used elytra before, usually while messing around on singleplayer or while playing games with other people- but to be just given one? Off the hop?

Still. He wasn’t ready to fly just yet. He needed…a little more than that.

But someone had set up a haste beacon right near the little cliff he’d found for his base, and Tommy wasn’t going to waste the opportunity. He sprinted through the hillside, ripping huge swathes of stone away. If he was gonna be here for a week, he was gonna have some fun with it. But the first order of business was a cobblestone tower, because there wasn’t anywhere near enough cobble around here for his tastes.

A few more swipes of the pick, and Tommy was satisfied with his progress. He strolled outside, smiling at the sun overhead. And the hill above him was just the right spot for his new tower. And with his inventory jammed full of his favourite block, Tommy set to work.

The sun crawled across the sky, and Tommy had the rough outline of his square tower outlined. It looked out over “the shopping district”, apparently. Tommy smiled. He was used to shopping districts, but it was nice to see one that the writers hadn’t decided needed to be ransacked and destroyed. 

He placed another block of cobblestone, his stomach starting to growl, and leaped off the pillar, plummeting to the ground. A quick MLG with his water, and he was good to go.

It felt nice to take a break from the tower of terror, or whatever he was planning to call it- with a few modifications, he’d have a nice place to chill out for the rest of the week. But right now, the carrots were getting a little stale in his mouth, and he wanted something more. He’d heard that one of the hermits was selling pumpkin pie. It had definitely been awhile since he’d had any- mostly on set, they ate whatever the scene called for, usually multiple times a scene. It was a wonder he wasn’t sick to death of porkchops…

Tommy shook his head, walking across a lovely bridge and towards the river. The huge shop loomed into view after a few minutes- GIGAPIES.

Well, it had the word ‘pies’ in the name, so…

Tommy palmed the note Xisuma had handed him. It was a piece of paper- since he didn’t have any diamonds to his name yet, X had asked the hermits if they’d be cool with letting him have a coupon to take things from their shops. Just in small amounts, though- if he decided to start a megaproject, he was on his own.

Yeah, right. As if he was going to do something as absurd as these builds in a week.

Tommy walked up to the front door- and froze.

“Keralis, my dude, I’m beginning to think this isn’t working.” A tired man’s voice said, “I mean, like, all of this. It’s exhausting. And I’ve been at it so long, and I feel like- I feel like I’m not making PROGRESS, you know?”

“Oh but Ren,” and that was Keralis for sure, “You have! Haven’t you? I mean, look at yourself!”

“My dude, I still howl at the moon. That’s not progress.”

“Isn’t it? How do you feel in here?”

“Well, I mean-“

“I’ve been at this longer than you, Ren. It takes time! and it’s about being better inside. If you feel happy and calm…do you?”

“I…y’know, I do, actually. Like, mentally, I mean. I…you do have a point, my dude.”

“Exactly! Progress is progress. So be proud!”

“I think…you know, you got a point, my dude. Anyway…how’s that, uh, habit, treating you?”

“I have no habit. Habits! Ha! No, I quit when I like. I’m just…hanging around because I want to.”

Tommy rolled his eyes at that. Okay, great. File that under ‘shit he’d heard before, usually from Schlatt.’ Poor guy. Well, Tommy wasn’t here to play therapist to a bunch of grown adults, and that was that.

“-Is someone outside?” Ren said suddenly, “I just heard something-“

“Uh, just me!” Tommy scrambled into Gigapies, doing his level best to look like he hadn’t just been eavesdropping, “Sorry, I just got here. Hello! I’m, uh, the new guy. Tommyinnit! You know me, of course!”

Ren was a broad-shouldered man in a plaid shirt, just like Keralis’. He had a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, and two doglike ears sticking out of the top of his head. Ren grinned at Tommy, showing off his wolfy teeth, and thumped the shop’s counter with a balled-up fist.

“Oh! Yeah, I do. You’re…ah, let me think. RIGHT! You’re that guy that Charlie Slimecicle always hangs out with! I love that guy’s stuff. Makes me laugh every time!”

Tommy’s face fell.

“Seriously?” He groaned, “Anyway, I’m here for some of your fucking pies.”

“Okay, okay, my dude, you can cool it with the language. Maybe reserve the F-bomb for the right occasion? Keralis rips your spine out, then you can start dropping the F-bombs and the H-bombs and the C-bombs and all the bombs you want to!”

Tommy snorted. And then his brain caught up with him, and he registered the words “Keralis rips your spine out”, and for a solid half a second, he felt pure panic.

And then he stomped on it. He was already on thin ice. It was fine. Ignore it. Pie. He was here for pie.

“Anyway, I got this fucking coupon, and I wanted some pie. Haven’t had any in awhile, you know?” Tommy slid it across the counter, and Ren glanced at it.

“Sure, I can give you a stack. Check the barrels, my dude.” Ren gestured grandly, “and, ah, I do have to ask…were you eavesdropping on us? You can be honest, I won’t be mad. Happens to the best of us. You walk into a room and you hear something you shouldn’t.”

Tommy froze, just for a second. And then-

He threw on his best smile, the one he saved for the paparazzi’s cameras, the one he saved for when he was extremely tired after eight hours of filming but had to act in the happy fun scene anyway, the one he’d learned how to do through a lot of blood sweat and tears.

“Nah, nah. I might’ve got the last sentence? Something about a…hatstand? I dunno.” Tommy shrugged, turning his back to them to rummage through the barrels. His fingers fell on a stack of pies, and he pulled them out, stuffing them into his own inventory a second later.

“Okay, cool. Well, I gotta go run the Hexadecachopper, so I’ll see you around, Keralis.”

“Mmm, and I gotta go work on my megabase. Tommy! You are welcome to come and see if you want?” Keralis asked, and Tommy shook his head.

“Nah, I’m good, me. Working on the Tower of Terror right now! Or like, whatever the fuck. I need to find a better name for it.”

“Tower of Tomster?” Ren suggested, and Tommy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, if I wanted to be fucking cringe, I’d go for that. No, I’ll think of something.”

“You wound me, my dude!” Ren gasped, “I, a simple baker and poet, and you wound me!”

Tommy chuckled.

With that, Ren stepped out of the shop, spread his elytra, and flew away.

A second later, Keralis did too, giving Tommy a friendly wave.

And once Tommy was alone, he pulled out the weird holey rock again, and had a look around.

And he froze in fright.

Behind the counter, hovering in the air, was…a ball. A…glowing, sparkling ball, spikes of red light coming off it. Red and green light, twisting and shimmering and ignoring the world around them. Outside light lensed around the ball, and Tommy was about to reach out and touch it-

-when he saw a drop of blood tumble out of it and fall to the ground.

He yanked the stone away with a gasp, staring at the spot in wide-eyed horror.

“What. The FUCK. Is that.”

<Rendog> sssssooooo my dudes

<Rendog> I think our new friend is doing a little bit of eavesdropping

<Keralis1> I think it was an accident but I think he decided to make the most of his accident

<Rendog> so try not to discuss anything too sensitive around the Tomster while he’s out and about

<Keralis1> play nice. A guest, not a friend!

<Vintagebeef> …he could be a friend, though.

<Grian> that sounds nice. I like that idea

<BdoubleO100> I don’t want to like that idea. Ren and Keralis are right

<Docm77> I’m working as fast as I can you guys. Calm down.

Chapter Text

Tommy grinned as he turned the amethyst shard over in his hand. He’d left a note for Xisuma in the chest- he just wanted a single shard, and since there was a chestful of them next to a room full of allays, Tommy figured it was self-service. He had no need of the allays, cute as they were, but the amethyst? Oh, that was just what he needed

Tommy turned around and started rushing across the ice bridge, his precious amethyst in hand. He had a plan, and he was gonna start it just as soon as he got back to base. While excavating all that spoil for his tower, he’d turned up a ton of copper. Useless- except for right now.

The weird rock weighed heavy in his pocket, and Tommy grinned. Yeah. Hopefully this worked, because if it did…he’d be laughing.

So engrossed in thought was he, that Tommy didn’t notice when a shadow swooped down overtop of him, and something bright red landed in front of him.

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!” Tommy yelled, and the thing squawked.

“WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!” the ball of feathers shouted, as it straightened up, and revealed-

A player, a guy, a grown adult with huge red wings in a bright red sweater. The man folded his arms, and Tommy huffed.

“You don’t get to yell at me! you scared me, you dick!” Tommy spat, and the man fluffed up his feathers irately.

“Grian. Charmed.” Came the rather acidic response, “I just dropped by to ask if you wanted any other blocks for your- tower, on the hill. Can you PLEASE stop swearing?”

Tommy blinked.

“Do you- you know who I am, right?” He thumped his chest, mentally turning the offer of ‘other blocks’ over in his head, which-

“No. I just know you’re the new guy, and you’re building something.” Grian scratched the back of his head, “So, again, do you want some help? You’ve got a good shape going, but I figured you might want some materials to flesh it out a bit.”

Tommy stared at him.

No?

NO?

“No?” he echoed blankly, “No? Seriously, no?”

Grian cocked his head.

“Yeah, no, sorry. I have absolutely no idea who you are.” He shrugged, “Anyway. I got a shulker of stones for you. Do you want them? With a bit of help, we could really get that tower looking like a-“

“The Tower of Tomster is awesome.” Tommy huffed, “I got cobble. I don’t need anything else.”

Grian shook his head.

“Alright, well, if you want any help, just say the word. Here.” Grian handed Tommy a shulker box that was covered in stone dust, and flicked his tail irritably.

“Welcome to Hermitcraft,” Grian said, staring at Tommy, looking him up and down.

It was honestly a little- uncomfortable, to be stared at, so intensely- and Tommy swallowed and took a step back. Okay, maybe he could- defuse the situation if he- kept talking.

“Listen, can you- like, can you fucking tell me what’s going on here?” Tommy started, “I get that you’re hermits, but seriously, like- why are you people- why do you not let people leave unless you vote on it? What’s going on here?”

Grian stared at him.

“Well, that doesn’t exactly concern you. We’ll vote to let you leave for sure, so you don’t have to worry about that. It’s more a question among ourselves, if we’re ready to leave, or if it’s safe for us to leave. We all have bad days.” Grian said carefully and calmly, and Tommy swallowed.

Okay, so that explained everything and nothing all at once. He knew there were other worlds that did things their own way, but this…this was pushing it. He stared into those brown eyes and shifted uncomfortably, taking a nervous step back. Grian was still staring at him.

“I,” Tommy started, “I should…head back to my base, now. Uh,”

Tommy swallowed. Grian was still staring at him.

“Uh- There’s this fucking- this guy. Bdubs! Do you know where he is? So I can- like, avoid him. Yeah.”

“The big diorite tower is his starter base,” Grian said, “I think he’s been sleeping there lately.”

Tommy glanced over his shoulder, and yeah, there it was. A huge…thing, on a distant hill. Cool.

And Grian was still staring at him.

“GRIAN!” a voice called, and Tommy spun to see-

A tall, thin man dressed in an immaculate suit with an equally-immaculate moustache. He flared a pair of elytra as he skidded up to them, and grinned at Tommy.

“Mumbo! Mumbo Jumbo. Sorry, I’ve been helping G gather stones all afternoon, and I just saw you both down here-“

Grian’s gaze softened as soon as Mumbo got close, and he chuckled, stepping around Tommy to pat Grian on the shoulder.

“If you need any help with any redstone or anything, let me know. I’m…I can do a couple of things. Oh! And what was your name, exactly? Must have missed it in the chaos. Everyone says you’re a TV star or something, but- ah, well, I took mine apart for bits years ago, and now I just- well, now I don’t have a telly. So-“

Mumbo’s rambling was punctuated by a bunch of nervous fidgeting, and he grabbed Grian by the shoulder and gestured down the path.

“Anyway, I was gonna help G with something, right? You wanted to-“

“Oh! Right, I needed to raid a bastion for some gilded blackstone. Right, I totally forgot. Thanks for reminding me!” Grian facepalmed, and Mumbo smiled.

“Take care, Tommy. Call us if you need anything!”

And with that, the two of them turned their backs to Tommy and started to walk away.

Tommy watched them go, glancing around to make sure nobody could see him. And he reached into his pocket-

And stole a furtive glance through his magic stone.

Across the dozens of blocks between them, Tommy couldn’t make out the fine details. But he could make out enough. There was something- floating, around Grian, something blurry and indistinct and RED. Great globs of it, hovering around him in a halo. But it was Mumbo that had Tommy on edge.

Mumbo was…strung up with wires? Wires plugging into his body, faint, wispy things, burrowing into his flesh, burrowing into his skull-

And then they both walked away, too far for Tommy to see, and he grinned.

It was time for his masterplan.

<Mumbo> Okay everyone, show of hands

<Mumbo> who’s tempted to make a new friend

<Mumbo> G’s holding his hand up next to me

<Mumbo has opened a poll.>

<Results: 18 not tempted, 8 Tempted>

<Iskall85> wait I misclicked I misclicked!!! Not tempted!!!

<Mumbo> Ok cool everyone who answered tempted, stay the hell away from new guy, please

<Vintagebeef> but it would be fun

<Keralis1> kebab…

<Vintagebeef> fine…

<Docm77> Im making really good progress guys. Just a couple more days!!!!

<Iskall85> well of course YOU’D agree with mumbo

<Docm77> what’s wrong with that?

<Mumbo> what’s wrong with that?

<Tango> Alright. Case closed. Everyone, please stop pinging the Serious Talk channel, I’m trying to wire up Decked Out.

Tommy was blissfully unaware of any of the drama going on in chat, and instead, ran his hands over his latest creation. The furnace in the corner of his tower was still smelting the truly ludicrous amount of copper he’d gathered, and his crafting table still sang with the magic of creation.

He held the spyglass up to his eye and turned the ratchet, grinning as it clicked.

And then he held up his magic rock, pressing it between his eye and the spyglass as he turned the ratchet.

“Oh yeah,” Tommy chuckled, “Let’s fuck some shit up.”

He stuffed the stone in his pocket and turned back to the shulkerbox, taking out the eltyra and a few stacks of rockets.

The sun was starting to set.

And he’d be ready when it did.

Chapter Text

Tommy jumped off the peak of his unfinished tower and fired a rocket as the sun started to sink below the horizon. He needed to know more about his gracious hosts, and he needed to know sooner rather than later. He plummeted towards the earth- unused to elytra, Tommy floundered as he fell, until finally, finally he caught an updraft, and fired a rocket-

And oh god, the speed, the speed was unfathomable, and the crack of a rocket had him- stressed. Very stressed. It wasn’t a pleasant sound, but it was nice to fly again. Really, properly fly around. Even if he really wasn’t very good at it.

That sound, though, the EEEE and the BANG, they were- different, now. Quieter, more muffled. Less of a- 

-He knew when the noise was coming. He was prepared. In control. It wasn't like that accident. It wasn't a repeat. He was fine. He was okay. He was fine. 

Tommy leaned up, up, up, and he shot straight upwards, until- well, until his speed dropped, and he started to fall-

Tommy yelped and leaned forwards, wind whipping past his face as he picked up speed and his elytra got more lift. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Flying was. Complicated.

But after a few minutes, Tommy had the hang of it, roughly. He wasn’t great, but he was good enough to be getting on with.

Now. That Bdubs guy.

He turned, guided by the moonlight overhead, and fired a rocket towards the white tower on the hill.

Tommy found himself wondering, as he flew, if there was a real point to what he was doing. If this was really a good idea. He dismissed the thought immediately- he’d seen enough movies about what happened when an outsider let their guard down around freaky cultists. He wasn’t gonna take the risk, no way no how.

So that meant…intel-gathering. Tommy wasn’t some action hero, but, well-

Look, he just wanted to live. Figuring out what was going on was part of that. And-

Well, to say that snooping had bailed him and Tubbo out before would be understating the matter significantly.

Tommy shuddered at the thought, memories of the papers he’d been sifting through making bile rise to the back of his throat. Yeah, no, he wasn’t gonna trust so easily.

He found a nearby tall birch tree and half-crashed into it, grunting and swearing as he untangled himself from the branches. It was within spitting distance of the diorite tower, and Tommy pulled out the spyglass and the holey stone.

He held both up to his eye, pressing the stone in place with the glass, and-

His jaw dropped.

At the top of Bdubs’ tower was a- glowing orb? It was like the other one he’d seen, but this one was blindingly bright. His eye started to water, and when he glanced away, it left an afterimage snapping across his vision. It was bright- so bright, so indescribably bright, like the radiance of the noonday sun. Spiking with talons of light, just like the thing in Gigapies, just like-

Tommy swallowed and shifted his gaze downwards. The afterimage took a long time to clear- just like accidentally glancing at the sun, he could hardly see after looking at that… THING.

After the glare cleared from his vision, Tommy raised an eyebrow. Something higher up in the tower was glowing too. The windows were blazing with light- far brighter than any natural light source. It was almost as bright as the thing atop the tower, almost-

Tommy pulled the stone from his eye and looked with just the spyglass.

There was a man in that room, standing next to the window. He was wearing a mossy cloak, and he had his eyes screwed shut.

And he was banging his head, slowly and rhythmically, into the opposite wall.

Tommy watched uncomfortably. Ranboo had similar issues at one point in filming- he’d gotten so stressed he’d started punching himself in the head. But this guy wasn’t Ranboo, and he wasn’t about to step in and-

Then, to Tommy’s immense relief, the man- Bdubs, probably- stepped away from the wall, stumbling over and collapsing on a nearby bed.

Tommy sat back with his spyglass and bit his lip.

That was…disturbing to watch.

Behind him, on the forest floor, a twig snapped.

“Fuck me,” Tommy muttered, “fucking spiders…”

He leaped into the air, blasting off with a single rocket.

And as he flew away, Etho stepped out of the shadows and watched him go.

“Hmmm. That’s…not good.” Etho said quietly, holding up his comm and tapping out a quick message.

<Etho> hello everyone. Just letting you all know our new guest was…I think he was spying on bdubs? Not sure honestly

<xBcrafted> awesome. Okay ill keep an eye on him tomorrow

<BdoubleO100> I AM TRYING TO [PROFANITY REDACTED] SLEEP

<Etho> sorry

<xBcrafted> sorry

Tommy smiled as his cobblestone tower drew closer and closer. He’d get some sleep, and think of a plan tomorrow morning. But right now, he needed more information.

The bleeding thing was probably dangerous, and the bright one was too. He needed to scope this place out, see if there were any more of those. Maybe…maybe those shimmering things were some kind of doorway? Like a modded thing, a doorway he could use to access other worlds, or even…get back to the Hub?

If he could just get away from the coding that kept him here without a comm and a vote, if he could just hop to another plane, then the universe would recognize his lack of a comm and send him back to the Hub for a fresh one. Then he’d be free of these creepy Hermits and their fucked-up cult bullshit, and they’d be happy, and he’d be happy, and they could deal with their own problems without him getting involved.

Perfect.

Tommy landed clumsily on the unfinished wood floor of his tower, skinning his knees a little on the oak. He stood up with a grunt, checking himself over, and scarfed a steak to regen some health. As he did, the little bloody pinpricks on his legs sealed themselves up, and Tommy grunted.

In the flickering torchlight, he walked to the edge of his tower and looked out over the hermits’ spawn. He could see the shopping district and the starter village from his perch, and Tommy stared at the distant silhouette of the diorite tower.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the weird rock again.

As soon as it was up to his eye-

Tommy gasped.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Five. Seven. Twelve.

The whole place was dotted with those weird, shimmering…things. With his spyglass, Tommy was in a much better place to look- the lovely tree, the weird boulder with legs, the wasp on a can of beans, the huge blackstone shop…

Each one had a shimmering orb atop it or beside it or inside it, and Tommy bit his lip.

Because all of them…looked…weird.

He glanced over at Keralis’ mansion, and shuddered at the sight of a pitch-black one, leaking oily slurry onto the ground. Others were leaking blood, or blazing with fire, or…or…

None of them looked…safe? They all gave off an air of…danger. Of worry. But there was one.

Tommy’s eyes fell on the spawn garden. Because right in the middle of the garden, visible through his telescope, was a shimmering grey orb. No fire, no oil, nothing bleeding, no colour of any description. Just a featureless grey orb.

“Got you, bitch.” Tommy muttered, lowering his spyglass.

And then he yawned.

“Got you tomorrow, bitch. First some sleep.”

Chapter Text

Tommy woke early the next morning, just as the sun was rising. He grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes- if this was a filming day, he’d be having a pot of coffee for breakfast. As it was, he just scarfed some pie from his hotbar, and sat on the side of his bed, staring out at his unfinished tower.

There wasn’t a lot of point in finishing it, but making it look like a giant cobblestone dick would be funny, he decided. Plus, it would let him lay low for a little bit while he digested his plan from earlier. That weird grey thing in the middle of spawn was his target. But rushing it right away was stupid. If he knew it was there, then Xisuma probably knew it was there. And he didn’t want to draw a ton of attention to himself. Who knew how much the Hermits knew.

Argh, this was just- it was so much easier when he had a script to follow. You just read your lines and played the part, and then it was over for the day and you could fuck off back to your room to play games and hang out with your friends. This wasn’t that. There was no script, no rules, no roadmap. Just him, alone at the top of a tower, surrounded by creepy cultists and his own thoughts.

Tommy ate the last of his breakfast pumpkin pie and stood up, stretching and yawning. And then he frowned and smacked his lips. Right, no toothbrush. Well, that…was an issue. He immediately went to type a message into his comm, only to realize it wasn’t there anymore.

But Keralis’ house was just down the hill, and that guy seemed friendly enough. Not to mention, his house was absolutely huge. Hopefully he had a spare toothbrush for a guest, or something.

Tommy jumped off the tower, plummeting a dozen blocks before he remembered how to spread his wings, and with a few rockets, he was crashing into Keralis’ pool.

He climbed the steps, flicking the water off, and hoping against hope that Keralis was here and not at his “megabase.” This house already qualified as a megabase in Tommy’s opinion, but considering that the Hermits all had a case of the galloping crazies, he wasn’t about to argue.

Thankfully, the man himself was in the kitchen, humming to himself while grilling some eggs on the stove. From the back, Tommy got another good look at the weird slit in the man’s back- it stretched from the nape of his neck to the base of his shoulder blades, and this close, he could see that the gash was rimmed with…were those teeth?

And then an inky black tendril curled out of the darkness and reached over to the counter behind him, snatching up a spatula and handing it off to Keralis’s actual hand.

Tommy stared at the tendril as it flicked at the air, his mouth agape. A thin red tongue flicked out of a mouth on the side-

And then the tendril slammed back into Keralis’s body so fast it practically left an afterimage in the air, and Keralis spun around, spatula still in hand.

“Tommy! What are you doing here?!” Keralis half-shouted, eyes wide.

“I- uh- I just- wanted to see if you- had a spare toothbrush,” Tommy said lamely, “Wha- what was- what was that thing? The- tentacle, or whatever the fuck? What the hell are you?!”

Keralis blinked a few times, and then his face split into a wide, silly grin.

“I’m a…Nature spirit!” he said, “Yes! I’m a nature spirit! Only, I’m a spirit of, ah, mud and sludge! Yep! And I can control mud and sludge and use them for extra arms sometimes. You see? There is fae, and then there is…nature spirits!”

Tommy swallowed.

“That’s…terrifying. Are all of you, like, fucking Fae or some shit? Is that what’s happening here, why you’re all so weird?” Tommy shivered, “Man, I was gonna ask you for a fucking toothbrush, but now I don’t wanna. I’ll just have gross teeth if it means not trading away my-“

“Oh! No, no, we’re- we’re not fae! I’m just- I’m Keralis! So that’s what I am, and everyone else is- ah- well everyone else is normal. We’re not fae. You can- guest bathroom, down the hall. Check the drawer! I’ll-make you some eggs?” Keralis grinned weakly, and Tommy stared at him.

“You know what? Fine. Sure. I’ll have some fucking eggs.”

He sighed and wandered into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.

“Right, what the fucking fuck have I gone and gotten myself into this time?” Tommy muttered to himself.

At least there was a spare toothbrush in the drawer, along with some paste. A few minutes of scrubbing later, and he felt marginally more human. Tommy stuffed the toothbrush in his inventory- if anyone else wanted to use it, that would just be gross- and emerged from the bathroom, stepping into the kitchen in pursuit of that delicious smell of fried eggs.

Keralis had plated up some eggs and pork, and Tommy slid into one of the barstools, eating with an actual fork like a civilized human being. He glanced up at the back of his host-

And shuddered.

That hole in Keralis’s back was clamped closed, the long white teeth at the edge of the slit pinching it tight. Like a shark’s mouth, before it struck.

“Ah, anyway, I- am sorry you had to see that!” Keralis said brightly.

He took a deep breath, and turned around.

“We don’t get guests very often,” Keralis explained gently, “Very rarely. We don’t let people in much, if ever. Only if we think they need help. You don’t need help, so you’re…a little…you are messing with everyone’s routines. We’re not trying to be mean, I promise. It’s just…”

“I’m messing with your rhythm. Yeah, I get it.” Tommy said, “You’re still not a fucking fae, right?”

“If I say yes, will you stop swearing?” Keralis asked with a sigh.

“Nope.” Tommy ate another mouthful of eggs, “Not a chance. You’re all weird as hell, and I swear a ton for work, anyway.”

Keralis nodded.

“Ah, yes. Right. Your little…Ponkie’s little show. You all swear like sailors. I used to do that, you know. And then I…calmed down, a lot. I get it, I guess.” Keralis nodded.

Tommy snorted.

“Fuck I hope I don’t grow up to be like you,” he chuckled, “Old and no fun.”

Keralis stared at Tommy.

And stared.

Tommy shifted uncomfortably. This was the exact same kind of stare that Grian had fixed him with, and- it wasn’t pleasant.

“I- uh- can you fucking quit that?” Tommy said, “You’re creeping me out.”

“Oh! Oh, I’m- I’m so sorry. I- sometimes, it happens. You just…zone out, you know. I- yes. Some of us are more prone than others. I- Ah.” Keralis smiled, suddenly animate once more, and Tommy swallowed another mouthful of eggs.

They tasted like ash.

“Grian was doing that yesterday, too.” Tommy muttered, and Keralis winced.

“Ah, yeah, Brian…he…does that. I wouldn’t worry. You’ll be home soon, and then you can forget all about us and our weird little…ways. You know?”

Tommy nodded slowly. That was true- the hermits were just as keen as him to get his ass out the door. But like hell he was gonna wait around for that. He’d find his way out, then steal his comm back, and then leave for real. Or at least- he just needed the hard drive. That was essential.

“Where does Doc live?” Tommy asked suddenly, and Keralis smiled.

“He lives at the perimeter! Just go south for awhile, you can’t miss it.” Keralis nodded, “Doc should be in his little manor house overlooking it. All sandstone and prismarine. Very pretty! All…bright and nice. Better than last season, for sure.” Keralis nodded, and Tommy swallowed the last of his eggs.

“Cool, thanks.” He said politely, mind already working. Okay. So, a bit more spying, grab his comm, and then he was out. Cool. Or, like, something. Probably.

He needed to figure out what those orbs were, and asking about it would probably get him a clip round the ears.

“Thanks for breakfast and a toothbrush,” Tommy said, “I’m gonna go have a look around. Work on, uh, on the Tower of Tomster, you know?”

Keralis nodded, and Tommy set off down the stairs.

It was as he was leaving the mansion that he spotted Xisuma walking into a lush building on the other side of the river. A lush building, alongside three people he didn’t recognize.

Tommy watched them slam the door behind themselves, and took off running.

Under the bridge, a finned head surfaced.

And xB watched as he ran towards the house.

“Man,” xB sighed, “Really, my guy? Really?”

Chapter Text

Crouched under the windowsill of this weird house, Tommy was in just the right spot to listen in. With any luck, they’d be talking about those weird glowing orbs, and he’d get some more information. Or, like, hopefully Doc would turn up.

The irony of him rather literally eavesdropping wasn’t lost on Tommy, and he mentally started rehearsing excuses. Right, so, listen in here, and then, head to the perimeter.

The voice that started speaking wasn’t one he recognized.

“Okay, so, X!” the voice said, “how are we feeling, hmm? Alive? All good?”

“Better than ever, Zed. You don’t have to check up on me so often.”

“Well, you know! If I don’t, the curse might wear off. And then where would we be? No, no. Gotta make sure our admin is in tiptop shape, right?”

“Yeah, actually,” the female voice said, “On that point, anything different? Gray hairs, new creaks or cracks? Anything you want some help with?”

“Thank you Gem, but I’m good. Nothing of note.” Xisuma said patiently, “and Impulse? You?”

“Well, I was just gonna ask if you’ve got any pains or aches or a cough. I mean, if the curse wears off, just come to me anytime you want. My door’s always open!” the final voice said, and Tommy shook his head.

This was useless. They were just talking about weird shit. Curse? What fucking curse? He turned around to sneak away-

And found himself staring at a pair of black leather boots.

“Uh-oh.” Tommy mumbled, eyes bugging out.

“xB? What’s-“ Xisuma started, and a hand reached down and yanked Tommy up.

“Sorry guys,” xB said, “We got a little peeping Tom at the window, here. I’ll go talk to him, you all keep chatting.”

Tommy froze as he turned to stare at who’d caught him red-handed. The man was tall and well-muscled, with orange-teal fins on either side of his head, and a huge teal-orange tail flicking and twitching as he stared at it.

“I- uh- I can explain!” Tommy protested, and xB chuckled as he hauled him away by the collar.

“I’m sure you can. Alright, let’s start from the top. What the hell, man? You know how rude that is?” xB snarled, dragging Tommy to the nearest bridge, “You don’t get to do that. And another thing- you aren’t slick, kiddo. Knock it off. You’re going to upset someone, and that someone isn’t going to be as stable as me. I’m trying to help you!”

Tommy shook a little under the withering stare xB was directing his way, and he swallowed.

“I- just-“

xB sighed, and his shoulders slumped a little.

“Alright, let it out. What’s your side of things?”

Tommy straightened up, looking the taller man in the eye.

“Nobody is telling me anything about this place, or what’s going on, or why. Some of you people are acting fucking weird. Grian stared at me yesterday for a solid four minutes. Keralis has weird shit in his back. You’ve all got to VOTE on whether I get to leave. You’re not telling me anything, and I can’t tell if I should trust you or if you’re- if you’re going to eat me!”

xB snorted, and leaned forwards.

“Tommy, if we really wanted to hurt you, you’d already be dead.” xB said calmly, “Trust me when I say, we really, really, really don’t want to cause you harm.”

Tommy opened his mouth.

And closed it.

xB nodded.

“Look. I’ll level with you: I can’t tell you what you want to know. But right now, I can promise you: It’s going to be okay. Doc’s going to fix your comm, and you can finish your little cobblestone wang up there, and we’ll all have a vote, and you can leave. Just stop causing problems and chill out, okay? You gotta go with the flow. If you keep fighting the current, you’re gonna drown.”

xB’s voice was gentle, and Tommy relaxed- a little.

“I…” he swallowed.

“I’d love to,” he said quietly, “I’d love to just…trust you guys. But I- well, I trusted our producer. And then I- was looking at some of the documents on his desk, and…”

“And what?” xB raised an eyebrow.

“And I have to go to the police.” Tommy said flatly, “I- really have to go to the police.”

xB nodded.

“Honestly I- I think I want my hard drive back now.” Tommy admitted, “I don’t like that it’s out of my sight.”

“Well. I think we can arrange that.” xB held up his comm, and tapped out a message, then nodded.

He spread his fish-fin elytra, and gestured at Tommy’s own.

“Doc’s waiting for us. Let’s go talk to him, and we’ll get you that hard drive. Then we’ll go up and finish your cobblestone tower, okay?”

Tommy nodded.

He spared a glance back at said tower, and smirked.

“Okay. But we only use cobblestone, got it? It’s the best block. And I have a few changes I want to ma-“

“Balls.” xB nodded, “You want to add them. I getcha. I can show you how to make them round.”

Tommy’s mouth hung open, and xB winked.

“You’re not the only one around here who likes to, ah…swim upstream a little.” xB chuckled, “come on, you. Let’s go get that hard drive.”

And with that, they both rocketed into the sky.

Chapter Text

“FUCK ME THIS IS MASSIVE!” Tommy bellowed as they soared over the perimeter, and xB just chuckled.

“You should have seen him making it!” xB roared right back, and Tommy gaped. He’d heard of the wizards of the technical community making incredible stuff like this- perimeters, quarries, all manner of insane builds, but this…this was next level. It…changed something, to see it with your own eyes, in your presence like that.

xB banked towards a sandstone manor at the lip of the giant square pit, and Tommy banked as well, crashing into a duck pond and upsetting a couple of tropical fish.

“Grian, you are not. C’mere.” xB chuckled, hauling Tommy out of the water with a sigh and a fond shake of his head.

They stepped through the doors of Doc’s massive angular manor, and Tommy gaped at the…massive amount of empty space.

“Wow, it’s a cavern in here!” Tommy exclaimed, his voice echoing off all the nothing in the base, and xB chuckled.

“Yeah, that’s cause it’s not DONE yet. Come on, let’s go talk to Doc.”

In a small antechamber, they found Doc leaning over a workbench covered in components, and Tommy knocked on the open door politely.

“Heya Doc!” xB said, barging right in, “Okay, making it simple for you. Tommy here was sneaking around being up to no good, so we’ve made a deal. He stops doing that, and you give him his hard drive back. To put in his ender chest.”

Doc glanced over his shoulder at Tommy, and then over at xB. And Tommy-

-Tommy had a powerful urge to look at both of them through his weird rock. It was still in his pocket- heavier now that he remembered he had it. But he didn’t want to show it- not to them. Not- because, what if someone got mad at him? Nah, best to just- keep it in hiding for now. Besides, it was just a weird magic rock. These guys were so rich, they probably had hundreds of magic rocks.

“Okay, that’s easy enough.” Doc undid a couple of screws and lifted the hard drive out, turning and offering it to Tommy.

“I already cloned the drive, just in case. Don’t worry, I didn’t go through it. Just plugged a cable in one end and backed up everything else onto another drive.” Doc said fondly, “There’s an ender chest in the corner if you want to use that.”

Tommy nodded, and a second later he was placing his SSD into the bottom of the magical stone box. The particles of ender energy flowed around him, and he smiled, finally feeling a bit of the stress falling away.

“Okay, great. I’ll just use the cloned one to get it working, and when it’s ready, we’ll swap the original back.” Doc nodded, “Now, what was that about snooping around?”

“Someone’s never learned that it’s rude to eavesdrop. So we’re gonna go work on his cobblestone-“

“The Tower of Tomster!”

“-the Tower of Tomster, and then, that’ll be that.” xB finished.

“I see.” Doc nodded, “Well, the comm is…coming along. I’ll come get you when it’s finished. I have a few more days of work- I genuinely don’t know how you did this, man. You just straight up fried everything. It’s a wonder your hard drive made it. Like, next time you’re trying experimental jumps…maybe don’t?” Doc chuckled, “Anyway, have fun with your cobblestone.”

“Thanks.” Tommy said, smiling.

He felt a bit better, and as they walked back outside, xB gestured at the sky.

“C’mon. Let’s go build some stuff.”

Tommy grinned, and they both took off.

Doc watched them go, and glanced at his messages again.

<xBcrafted> so that’s the plan

<Keralis1> I will babysit next! Maybe we make the tower a little bit less.

<GoodtimeswithScar> worthy of being beheaded?

<Keralis1> cobblestone

<Keralis1> so, yes.

<BdoubleO100> I’ll come help out. gotta clear my name. last night was a rough one

<Keralis1> Bubbles, are you sure? Are you stable enough?

<BdoubleO100> it’s daytime, I’m fine. I’ll meet you over there, xB

Doc bit his lip, and drafted a quick private message to Bdubs.

<Docm77> hey man, you sure about this?

<BdoubleO100> Im good

<BdoubleO100> thanks for thinking about me though <3

<Docm77> whats life without a sun to smile on us, huh?

<BdoubleO100> :D

<BdoubleO100> thanks doc.

<Docm77> have fun

Tommy landed on the grass outside his tower, and instantly sucked in a breath between his teeth. A guy in a mossy cloak was setting out shulkers of material, and muttering to himself as he did so. And Tommy recognized that cloak anywhere- that was Bdubs, the guy he’d been spying on the night before. The guy who didn’t know he’d been spying on him. The guy who he’d watched banging his head into a wall. That guy.

Tommy swallowed and put on his best neutral face. Play cool. Play cool. And, turn and walk offstage.

Which he tried to do, only to spin on his heel and smack facefirst into xB’s chest.

“No, you’re not running away from this one. Come on, let’s go say hi.” xB said, giving Tommy a little push forwards. He tucked away his rockets, and Tommy swallowed and did the same.

Bdubs looked up from his shulkers and grinned, waving at Tommy.

“Ah! Now, you must be our new…guy! Our new guy. Because, you know, you don’t wanna presume that someone’s your friend right off the bat, right?” Bdubs said cheerfully, “C’mere, Tommy! Let’s have a little chat, you and me. Ol’ Bdubs has a couple…suggestions for ya! That’s all.”

“Uh,” Tommy said awkwardly. He stared at Bdubs, shifting uncomfortably. This felt rather like that time he’d gotten away with sneaking a peek at the next week’s filming scripts. He’d gotten away with it, sure, but then he’d been forced to act like he hadn’t for an entire week, lest he got caught, which-

-had not been fun. And the producer had definitely known- from the way he was staring at Tommy from the head of the script-reading tabl-

And at the thought of that guy, Tommy flinched.

“You okay?” Bdubs said, frowning in concern.

“Uh, no, I’m- fine.” Tommy nodded frantically, “I’m fine, yep, I’m fine. You- uh- Bdubs. Right. Yeah. What’s- what’s up, big man?”

Bdubs froze.

“What did you just call me?” He asked slowly, and Tommy swallowed and shuffled back a half-step.

“I- big man?” he replied weakly, “I called you- Big man? Big Man Bdubs?”

Bdubs’ face split into a massive grin.

“YOU. I LIKE YOU. BIG MAN BDUBS! YA HEAR THAT, xB?! I’m a big man! The biggest!”

“…Yeah, sure.” XB snickered from six inches above both their heads, “Big Man Bdubs. I like that. BMB for short?”

And Tommy’s shoulders slumped. Okay, so he just needed to play it cool. Don’t bring up anything. He’d just…

…just keep playing pretend…

The conversation hadn’t stopped, and Tommy drifted back in to Bdubs gesturing up at his tower.

“Yeah! Okay, Tommy, so. Let’s talk towers! So you’ve got a good roughed-out shape here,” Bdubs said, gesturing at the Tower of Tomster, “but what if we were to make it a bit better?”

“Better how?” Tommy folded his arms. Despite everything, he felt- weirdly at ease. Bdubs’ smile was infectious, and he couldn’t help smiling right back. Something…something didn’t feel quite right, though, and Tommy bit the inside of his cheek, trying to marshal his thoughts.

“Better as in, we…add some shading, some block variation, some texture. We can shape it a bit more, too- Based on the shape, I’m assuming you’re going for a, uh…let’s call this style a “statement”, yeah?”

Tommy snorted.

“It’s a cock and balls, big man. It’s a cock. And. Balls.”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, my starter base is a massive join-“

xB coughed into his fist.

Bdubs sighed.

“Okay, yeah. Anyway! Point is, I know what you’re trying here, and I’m on board. But I want to help you make this the best it can be. So…Here, take a look. I brought some materials. Let’s maybe try some block variation, and a bit of shaping, and you’ll be amazed what you can pull off!”

Tommy sighed.

If the price of not getting caught was having his perfect tower desecrated with Not-Cobblestone, he’d have to grin and bear it.

Two hours later, and Tommy realized he didn’t have any sticks.

Bdubs had assigned him to put together some item frames, promising to show him “A magic trick.” The shulkers had plenty of leather in them, but no sticks. Which, you know, was kind of important.

Tommy glanced up and sighed. Bdubs was currently fussing over block choices, after getting some input from Tommy, and had his back turned.

It would take just a second to grab a few logs from the nearby wood.  

“Back in a sec,” He grunted, shoving the handful of leather back into its shulker. He got up and turned away from the construction site, where xB was up on scaffolding (and wasn’t that a thought- using scaffolding to scaffold, rather than just pillaring up on dirt. Not that Tommy had much experience with detailed builds- that was what the set designers were for…)

Set designers. The thought of it had Tommy grinding his teeth a little.

That whole world was a…world of lies and fakery. Of smoke and mirrors to make pretty shapes appear on a screen. He wanted to try it himself, someday. Do those things for real. Someplace safe, though- someplace far away from a land of lunatics or cameras.

Someday he would. Someday.

Tommy stepped away from the shulker mess and wandered into the nearby woods, selecting a nearby tree. He pulled out his axe and gave it a few swings, chopping away at one block, and then another, and then another.

It was nice, to have a second to himself. Just to…think. It was so hard to think in his line of work. So many people around him, always wanting him to play along to their tune, their stupid games, their-

“TOMMY?!”

Bdubs’ voice tore through the air in a panic, and Tommy spun around and sprinted back, axe up.

“What?! What?! Something happen?!” he looked around frantically, and Bdubs just groaned and let out a huff.

“There you are! You vanished on me, that’s all. Stay close, will ya?” Bdubs sighed, rolling his shoulders and gesturing at the blocks.

Tommy had to fight to keep his jaw from falling open.

He’d wandered off for all of two seconds, and Bdubs had freaked out. Was that- were they just babysitting him? Keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t get into any trouble?

…or keeping him from seeing things he shouldn’t?

Tommy loosened his grip on his axe. He’d been strangling it, and he forced himself to relax. To be calm, to make it seem like this wasn’t a big deal.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Tommy said, putting on his best fake-for-the-camera grin, “I was just getting a couple logs, no biggie. No sticks for the item frames, see?”

Bdubs relaxed and grinned, and Tommy wanted to punch that fucker in his stupid face. Spitting out canned lines was easier when he was telling the truth, but he was sick to the teeth of playing pretend…

No. Stop that. Head in the game, you idiot.

“Okay, great. So, come here a sec. I just wanna show you a couple block palettes I put together, yeah? And I’ll show you how to do it yourself! But for now, which one of these do you like the most?”

And Tommy put his axe away and forced himself to pay attention.

The sun was starting to set, and Tommy looked up at his creation proudly.

Okay, so maybe Bdubs and xB had helped a lot. And maybe they’d been kinda right about using other blocks than cobblestone. Maybe they’d been right about the shaping thing. But it looked…immense. It looked awesome. It looked…

…fucking great.

The tower had a soft gradient, white diorite and calcite at the tip fading down to cobblestone at the base. Bdubs had shown him how to add “shape” and “shading” to his build, and now the observation deck crowning the peak had  real shape and personality to it. With xB’s help, he’d used stairs to fashion two cobblestone lumps on either side of the main body of the tower…

His rude little cock and balls had a staircase, and a washroom, and a bedroom, and some chests, and Tommy was delighted.

“It’s perfect.” He said with a proud smile, “Absolutely perfect.”

“It’s something alright,” xB agreed, “are you sure I can’t talk you into making it a little less, uhhhh, anatomically correct?”

“Absolutely not. It’s perfection.” Bdubs said with a proud grin.

“Not a fucking chance. It’s perfect. Let me bask in the greatness of the Tower of Tomster.” Tommy said.

xB glanced over his shoulder at the setting sun.

“Uh, Bdubs? I’m glad we all had fun, but-“

“Oh! Oh, yeah. Yeah, I gotta- I gotta go shreep! Tommy, it’s been great. Thanks so much for letting me teach you some stuff!” Bdubs said eagerly, “But I really do have to go. Like, right now.”

And before Tommy could say another word-

Bdubs had his elytra on and he was rocketing into the sky. Tommy turned and gestured at the shulkers, open-mouthed, and xB waved him off.

“Keep them. Bdubs has more than he knows what to do with.” xB said.

Tommy closed his mouth with a click and nodded.

“Anyway, I’m gonna head out too. You got a nice base to sleep in- so, you know. Get some sleep, you got that? And we’ll see you tomorrow. Just…relax, alright?” xB smiled, “We’ll be out of your hair real soon.”

Tommy nodded, and xB rocketed away.

And as he stepped towards the tower, he realized:

That was the first moment of solitude he’d had since he’d met xB.

Tommy inhaled, and as xB flew away-

He pulled out the weird stone and looked at his new friend.

And Tommy clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle a scream.

He scrambled inside the tower and slammed the door, heart racing in terror.

“No. No. No. I gotta get out. I gotta get OUT of here-“ Tommy whispered, his hands shaking.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow he was going to that weird thing at spawn. Tomorrow. Because he didn’t want to risk getting caught out there at night by anyone. The Hermits already knew he was sneaking around. He needed to play along for now. Go to bed. Be normal. And tomorrow morning, at the crack of dawn, before anyone else was awake-

Come hell or high water, he was getting out.

Chapter Text

<Keralis1> tommy isn’t at his tower????

<xBcrafted> what?

<Keralis1> I can’t find him. He’s not here.

<xBcrafted> aw great. Everyone, keep an eye out. We need to keep a sharp eye on that kid before he does something stupid.

<Docm77> well you’ll be pleased to hear I pulled an all nightery and cheated a bit and the comm is almost fixed

<Xisuma> doc. Cheating isn’t good for you

<Docm77> well you know. its important. So this time. I made an exception.

<xBcrafted> let’s not argue about doc’s cheating. We need to find this kid before he does something really stupid, like go bother beef

<Vintagebeef> or he could. I could totally hang out with him. I’ll watch him. It’ll be fun for both of us

<Keralis1> Kebab. No. Calm down. You aren’t stable enough for friends.

<Vintagebeef> you’re no fun

<Joehillssays> I think I see him over by spawn????

<xBcrafted> ok omw

Tommy was very glad that he was an early riser.

Years of waking up early for shoots and stunts, years of adjusting his alarm for different plans and schedules. He was good at waking up when he needed to, even when he didn’t have an alarm clock.

And today was no different.

Tommy stepped over a couple of potatoes, glancing around furtively. The sun was just beginning to creep over the horizon, and nobody was around yet. Hopefully. Maybe.

He pulled the weird rock out of his pocket and held it up to his eye.

And staggered back a step in shock.

The weird glowing grey orb thing was right there. Vibrating. Oscillating. It shifted and twitched, spikes of light coming off it in all directions. But it wasn’t bleeding, or burning, or dripping, or howling. Didn’t look like if he touched it, he’d die instantly. So that was an improvement.

“Right. So, what do you do?” Tommy asked, raising his arm-

“HEY!” xB yelled behind him, jumping out of the water, “Tommy, what are you-“

And then xB froze.

His eyes fell on the weird rock, and his jaw fell open.

“Where. Did you find that.” xB asked carefully.

“Uh,” Tommy swallowed, “Between the couch cushions. Keralis’ couch cushions. Uh- yeah. It’s like. A magic rock.”

xB stared at him in horror.

“Have you. Looked at any of us. through it?” xB whispered, his hands starting to shake.

“…Yes.” Tommy said flatly, “I-“

And that was as far as he got.

xB lunged, and Tommy dodged with a scream.

“OH MY GOD! OH MY FUCKING GOD! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!” Tommy yelled, jumping out of the way-

“GIVE IT BACK! GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW-“ xB bellowed, and rockets were firing overhead-

Tommy put the weird rock up to his eye. He spun on his heel.

He jumped-

And his hand slammed into the glowing ball of light.

And suddenly…he wasn’t anywhere anymore.

<xBcrafted> TOMMY HAS THE ADDERSTONE

<Keralis1> NO

<Xisuma> NO

<Docm77> we’re boned

Tommy opened his eyes and took a deep breath.

Okay. So he was still alive. He saw his weird rock on the polished floor in front of him, and snatched it up.

Tommy stood up, looking around him, and swallowed.

This place…

It was a hallway. Black walls. Dim light from someplace he couldn’t identify. He could see his own reflection in the floor.

And his own face stared back at him, as the walls around him hummed mightily.

Tommy looked back-

And saw a blank, empty wall behind him. He held the weird rock up to his eye, and breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of another shimmering portal. Okay. So it was a portal. And he could totally use it to escape this…hallway.

But for right now, he didn’t know where he was. And in front of him was a hallway. Long and straight, and the walls hummed as his footsteps echoed off the polished floor. Every footstep scuffed at the stone, and Tommy swallowed. Where was that light coming from?

He glanced at his hotbar, and swore internally. No items here. He’d have to go back for the hard drive. And wasn’t that a horrifying thought. xB knew he had the weird rock, and it was pretty likely that he’d be in some serious trouble when he went back through that portal.

But still! Still! Tommy wanted out of this place. Every glance at a hermit through the weird rock was an adventure in seeing new horrors, and he didn’t want to be here anymore. Maybe they didn’t mean him harm before, but now that they knew he had their precious rock- xB had lunged at him! Attacked him, even!

Tommy shuddered as he walked. That was…worrying. And what if Keralis was waiting for him when he got back? Ren wouldn’t make a joke about ripping a guy’s spine out for no reason. He didn’t joke about Tubbo being able to bench-press a car, because he couldn’t. Techno could, but that was-

No, no. Focus.

Tommy stepped out into a…small control room. Panels of buttons on all sides. Screens, covering the walls, the ceiling. And none of them, thankfully, were tuned to cameras. They were all showing- pictures Tommy couldn’t identify. Readouts. Math scrolling past so quickly he couldn’t see it. So many things, so much- ghostly green squiggles snaking across a screen, a chart that looked like a seismograph ticking away…

Tommy stepped up to the big chair, wheeled away from the centre of the control panel, and sat down in it. He pulled up close to the banks of computers.

“Right,” he said aloud to himself, “One of these buttons has got to be the one that lets me leave. So I just have to find it, and I’ll be home free. Probably. Maybe. Oh, god…”

Tommy groaned and cradled his head in his hands.

It was between a gap in his fingers that he saw it.

A bright red button, inviting and unworn, under a plexiglass flip-top case. EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN was engraved into the plastic, and Tommy’s eyes fell on it greedily. He stood up and flipped the cover back, resting his fingers on the button.

“STOP!” a voice bellowed, and Tommy spun around to see-

“Xisuma?” Tommy echoed, “What do you want?”

“I want you to back away from the controls and go outside,” Xisuma sounded- scared? He sounded actively scared. He was shaking- his hands were trembling- and Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“And if I don’t?” Tommy said, “If I press this button here?”

“If you press that, then you’re going to be in for a world of pain.” Xisuma said nervously, “Please- I really need you to back away from the controls-“

“What about,” Tommy said, “You let me leave. Like right now. And then I don’t press this button.”

“I can’t!”

“BULLSHIT YOU CAN’T! YOU’RE THE FUCKING ADMIN!” Tommy shouted, “YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!”

“I’m- I’m not the admin!” Xisuma protested, “I mean, I am- I’m- I’m basically just the janitor! I don’t decide if we should- I can’t- I can’t change the fabric of this world. I’m just- I just work here!”

“Bullshit.” Tommy snapped, “You’re the admin, right? So let me go. Or I’ll press this button and let myself go.”

“NO! It- IT WON’T DO THAT!” Xisuma shouted desperately.

“Oh? Then what does it do?” Tommy snapped, “Because I’ve been looking at your friends out there. You- you Hermits. You’re not people, are you? You’re not people at all! You’re just- pretending to be people! And- you’re going to fucking eat me, or something! I don’t- you keep saying it’s fine, and the last guy who said that-“

Tommy shuddered.

“I don’t buy it.” he snarled, “So tell me. What is this place?”

“It’s a dollhouse.” Xisuma said quietly.

Tommy stared at him.

“It’s a what?”

“It’s a dollhouse. It’s…this world is…for playing dolls in. Playing. It’s- playing is good for you. Play helps- develop skills that are important in life. Play is…teaching, helps you learn how to- imagine, how to process emotions, how to- it’s- we’re in a dollhouse. And if you press that button-“

Tommy clenched his teeth.

“You know something?” he said softly, “All my life, that’s all I’ve been. A toy in someone else’s dollhouse. Oh, they dress it up, they call it a ‘set’ or a ‘stage’ but that’s what an actor is, at the end of the day. A sentient doll in someone else’s dollhouse, playing along to their stupid story. And if you get lucky, maybe you get promoted to a director, or a producer….”

Tommy spat that word like it was a curse, and stared at Xisuma.

“But you know what?”

He stared the other man dead in the eyes. 

“I’m done playing dolls.”

And Tommy pressed the button.

Chapter Text

Nothing happened for a solid five seconds.

Tommy opened his mouth to ask if this was all some big joke-

And then every single screen in the control room winked out at once. A distant rumble, like a generator going offline; a discordant electrical whine, petering off like a dying dog. And then the lights overhead flicked off too, and Tommy tasted a sudden chill in the air.

“Well.” Xisuma said flatly, “You fucked up, my friend.”

Emergency lighting flicked on overhead, casting a dim red glow over the dead control room, casting shifting red shadows over Xisuma’s helmet. There was no way to see inside it, anymore- just a blank, red-tinged glass screen. Xisuma, blocking the hallway, staring at him with no expression whatsoever.

Tommy swallowed.

“I- Yeah! Maybe I did!” he said defiantly, “but now, I- I can leave, and then I’ll get teleported back to the Hub, and I’ll be gone, and you can- you can just turn the power back on. Right! So get out of my way. I’m leaving.”

Xisuma chuckled.

“You think it’s that easy? You think I can just pull a switch and the power comes back on and everything’s fine? That was the EMERGENCY OVERRIDE. You know what that means? SHUT EVERYTHING DOWN, COMPLETELY. You think you can just spool this place back up to full capacity with the flick of a button?”

Tommy swallowed nervously.

“Yes?” he squeaked. The guys in the special effects booth did it all the time. Flicked a lever to blow up a set or make a big fire, that kind of thing. It- it was easy, right?”

“Bad news, Tommy. You’re even more stuck than you were before.” Xisuma hissed, “Come on. Follow me. You’re taking a look at what you’ve done.”

Tommy swallowed.

He stepped towards Xisuma, and- to his horror-

He could see the shimmering grey portal at the end of the hallway. He could see it without the aid of his weird stone.

“What- what is that thing?!” Tommy yelled, “Why’s it fucking visible all the sudden?”

“That,” Xisuma said flatly, “is a realm gate. You use them to step between worlds. Every single one of them has an owner, and we keep all of them nicely tucked away to make sure nothing destabilizes. Without an owner, each gate will start to…grow. And consume everything around them.”

“Who- well who the fuck owns this gate, then? Is that the thing I saw in the pie shop? A gate? Was that Ren’s gate?”

Xisuma took a deep breath.

“This gate belongs to me.” He said simply, “And it was a gift from Keralis. Now. Take your adderstone and hold it.”

Tommy did as he was told, biting his lip.

“Good. Step through the gate. And take a good long look at EXACTLY what you’ve done.” Xisuma hissed.

And tommy, with trembling hands, reached out and stepped through the glowing gate.

When he opened his eyes again, for a half a second, everything was okay. He was back at the spawn garden. The gate was glowing behind him, even without the adderstone up to his eye (Oh, it was called an adderstone. That was probably a better name for it than just ‘weird rock’). And then Tommy made the fatal mistake of looking down.

All around them, the Hermits were…sprawled on the ground. Laid out like- like they’d just collapsed where they’d stood. Keralis was flopped facefirst in the dirt, not even twitching. xB had fallen on his side right by the portal. Dozens of others he didn’t recognize were laid out- Grian was in a crumpled heap, one of his wings bent at an angle, like he’d been flying and just fallen out of the sky.

None of them were breathing.

Tommy started to shake.

A hand planted itself on his shoulder, and he screamed, jolting away.

“Calm down, it’s just me.” Xisuma snapped, “You see what you’ve gone and done?”

“I- I-“ Tears filled Tommy’s eyes, and he started to sniffle, “I didn’t- I DIDN’T KNOW IT WOULD FUCKING KILL THEM! I DIDN’T WANT TO FUCKING KILL THEM!”

Xisuma folded his arms.

“Well. I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”

“Good news. Please. Please tell me I didn’t kill them. PLEASE!” Tommy was shuddering now, great full-body shakes, as he whipped his head around to look at the sprawled hermits.

“The good news is, they’re not dead.” Xisuma said, “You’ve just severed the controls they were using to manipulate their dolls.”

Tommy’s shaking subsided a little bit. Just a little bit. He sniffled, and wiped his tears away from his eyes, straightening up a little. He could breathe. He could breathe. He was going to be fine. He could-

“The bad news, I’m afraid, is that you’ve pissed off twenty-five utterly insane....for want of a better term, gods.”

Tommy froze.

“I- what?” he croaked, “I- they’re not-“

“Oh, and some more bad news. Because the way we’ve got this place set up, only a mortal hand can set the generators going again, and only a mortal hand can shut them off. So guess what?” Xisuma leaned in, “You’re helping me fix this. Like it or not.”

Tommy swallowed, his throat going dry.

Then, there was a- slurping? A squelching noise, like slapping fresh warm mud with an open palm. Tommy turned as the splattering turned to a soft squishing, like beef being slapped against a counter, and- He staggered back a step in abject horror.

Keralis’s body, lying facedown, had a half-dozen inky black tendrils sticking out of the hole in its back. They surged down and wrapped around his neck, his wrists, his ankles, as yet more black ooze spilled itself onto the ground, and the mess of tendrils and flesh began to rise, up, up, up-

Dozens of sightless white eyes rolled open all across the pulsating mass of voidflesh, and as the blob lifted itself, it formed thin, insectoid legs to stand on, reeling the dead body back to hug against it. Two tendrils grasped the sides of the head, lifting it up, and with a few adjustments-

Keralis’ body was staring down at them, a empty-half smile and silghtless eyes staring down at them.

He was like a hideous marionette, smiling ghoulishly down at Tommy, and it took everything he had to not just run away screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Oh, Shashwammy,” the tower of flesh rumbled, tilting the puppet’s head and flipping one of the hands, “That wasn’t very nice of our guest.”

“No. It wasn’t.” Xisuma took a step forward, “And you’re not going to dissolve him, got that? He’ll be helping us fix this mess.”

The tower of flesh chuckled.

“Oh, good. I was worried you’d have to clean it up by yourself. Do you want some help from me, Shashwammy? You know I hate it when you overwork yourself...”

Two tendrils reached down and grabbed at the body’s cheeks, pulling them up to create a grotesque parody of a smile. Tommy shuddered. Xisuma didn’t react at all.

“That’s a great idea, I think. It’ll stop Bdubs from killing us both outright. Thanks so much.”

Keralis chuckled.

“Anytime, Shashwam. So. I think we start by telling our little friend here just how badly he’s ruined everything, hm? And then he helps us fix. And then I drag him screaming through the abyss to someplace far from here.”

“-Can we-“ Tommy squeaked, “Can we skip that last step?”

Keralis chuckled.

“You broke the house I was using to play dolls, little one. You broke my dollhouse and interrupted our playtime. You’re fixing, and then, you’re leaving.”

Tommy swallowed.

“What does…what does leaving mean?” he squeaked.

The tower of black flesh rumbled, a deep, rattling, muddy noise that took several seconds to register as laughter.

“It means I drag you into the deeps and haul you far, far, far away from our little playhouse. And then you don’t come back. Ever. Okay?”

“So I- I get to live?” Tommy squeaked, shuffling back a step, “I help you, and I get to- to live?”

“Yes.” Keralis snickered, “Yes, you do. Haven’t we told you, yet? If we wanted to hurt you, you’d already be dead.”

And then something caught Tommy’s eye, and he looked up.

Up, up, up, past Keralis, to the crown of Scar’s elven tree.

Where a giant green portal was shimmering in the sunlight, completely out in the open for everyone to see.

And as Tommy stared-

It pulsed.

And it got bigger.

Chapter Text

Tommy swallowed, and looked between the shifting tower of flesh and Xisuma, and gestured.

“So, like, what…do we do?” he asked, “Do we gotta go- is this some redstone shit, like- At this point, you HAVE to tell me what’s happening, because if I don’t know, then, like- I can’t fucking help you. So-“

Xisuma sighed and nodded.

“Right. Keralis, chime in if I mess anything up. So. The…this place, the Dollhouse…it’s powered by three crystals that harvest energy from three…realms. For want of a better term. Three of the realms this place is connected to produce enough excess energy for us to tap into that and harvest it for use in powering this place, and more importantly, maintaining connections.”

Keralis’s tendrils made his head nod.

“Yep! And so, we gotta go into a few gates and set them spinning again. Very simple- you just reach out and give them a little flick, and they go. Once they’re all spinning, she’ll restart, and we all go back to normal.”

“Okay, cool. So, like, which gates?” Tommy gestured, “This’ll take, what, fifteen minutes? You know where they are, I can set them spinning, so we just go into the gates, and turn them on.”

Keralis burst out laughing.

It was a cold, high, cutting thing- a nasty, wheezing laugh, that sent a shudder down Tommy’s spine. Especially when two thin tendrils reached across the body’s face and carefully made his eyelids blink.

“Oh, no, no, sweetface Tommy. No, no. We could do that, actually. It would be funny. But I think you’d rather not have your brain surgically cut out, sealed in a jar, and wired into a mainframe, hmm?”

“Or reduced to ash instantly,” Xisuma mumbled, cradling his head in his hands, “Look, Tommy…the gates access everyone’s realms, that’s true. Except, the thing is…the hermits, they decide where the gate enters their realm. And…some of the…entrances…are in REALLY unsafe places.”

“So move them!” Tommy spat, “Move them to be safer!”

A dozen tendrils reached out and gestured at the sprawled out mass of unconscious hermits.

“Even if my friends were all awake,” Keralis said gently, “Do you think they’d be in a good enough mood to make it easy for you, Tommy? No, no. We go through a few… ‘safe’ gates. I keep you both alive on entry. And we travel to where we need to go. Simple, yes?”

Tommy swallowed.

“So…we enter in the wrong spot, travel to where we need to go, and get out. Awesome.” Tommy rubbed his face, “Cool. So, like…nether portals that aren’t quite built near where you want to go. Have I got that right?”

“Close enough, yeah.” Xisuma nodded, “So, we’ll probably try for the…Bifurcated Tower, first. Keralis? That sound good?”

The mass of flesh hummed thoughtfully, and a dozen clawed tendrils flicked at the air.

“Yes, I sink so. I sink…Hmmm…the Silver Sea gate will be safe, because I am here, but you and Tommy won’t be allowed to walk on the water until we talk it out…I sink…”

“The Bloodlorn Forest is our best bet, then. That’s the closest entryway.” Xisuma sighed and rubbed his head, “Tommy? How’s your aim with a rifle?”

“My- my what? What kind of fucking- why?” Tommy folded his arms, “Alright, no, seriously. What’s going on? what’s the Bloodlorn Forest? Okay, so you’re all- Gods. Gods playing with dolls. Cool, I get it. And you- there’s realms, right? So you all own these fucking gates, that lead to your own fucking pocket dimensions. Cool. What the fuck does a rifle have to do with any of this? What kind of modded shit-“

Xisuma sighed.

“The Bloodlorn Forest is Ren’s…domain. Look. Let’s just get in there, and we’ll explain more when we arrive.”

“Definitely safest to walk through Rendiggydog’s place.” Keralis made his head nod, “Safe. The air is breathable and it has gravity. So we start there and make our way around.”

Tommy swallowed.

“Why?”

Xisuma and Keralis froze.

“I just told you. Because the air is breathable, and-“

“No. That’s not what I’m asking. Why? Why any of this? Why are you HERE? Why are you pretending to be players? What- what ARE you? WHY?!” Tommy shouted, “Before I go anywhere, into any of your loony fucking fuckstravaganzas, I want to know WHY!”

Xisuma opened his mouth.

A dozen tendrils reached out and jerked up, silencing him.

Keralis stepped forward on a dozen spindly insectoid legs, and the mass of flesh leaned the puppet forward.

“You want to know why? Then I’ll tell you.” Keralis said softly, “Punch yourself in the face, Tommy.”

“Wha- No! Fuck you! I’m not doing that!” Tommy spat.

“Good. Now, stab yourself in the stomach, Tommy.”

“The fuck- THE FUCK ARE YOU ON ABOUT!?” Tommy yelled, “WHAT’S THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!”

“Everything.” Keralis said sweetly, “I told you to do something. You decided not to. You decided. You decided as easily as breathing. You heard me say “damage yourself” and you thought, “No, that is painful. No, Keralis is scaring me. No, I don’t want to do that.” And you decided: “I will swear. I will say no. I will be angry.” You felt angry, didn’t you?”

“I still fucking do. I’m not a fucking toddler, by the way.” Tommy spat, “What are you talking about?”

Keralis leaned in, so close Tommy could see the striations in those unblinking blue eyes.

“Humans decide,” Keralis said softly, “Humans think, and feel, and reason, and decide. And it’s as natural as breathing. But a god…can’t.”

And Tommy froze.

“Wait. Hold on. You’re saying-“

“We’re supposed to be inert.” Keralis forced his puppet to smile, “Like a little rock, or a tree, or a boosh. We exist. The sun rises, and he sets. The tide goes in, and the moon, she tugs the sea out. Gods don’t think. We don’t feel. We don’t decide. We simply are.”

Tommy opened his mouth.

And he closed it.

And then he started to shake.

“How do you think a rock would feel, if one day it woke up and was able to think?”

Tommy swallowed.

“It’d go completely insane.” He whispered.

Chapter Text

Tommy stared at the shimmering gate with lead in his guts.

It was still as green as before, and still dripping blood onto the floor of Gigapies. Still there, still shining, still a glitch in the matrix of reality. And with every shimmer, it got just that slightest bit bigger.

“What happens if we- what happens if it keeps growing?” Tommy asked nervously, and Xisuma shrugged.

“Don’t know. Don’t want to know, either. Keralis?”

“Hmmm…Either Ren decides he doesn’t want this gate, in which case, it vanishes. But then, so does he, and he can’t play with us anymore. Or, and this is the option I think we will all take, he leaves it and we all just…bleed into this world and make it our own. Either way, not good for continued playtime.”

“…Or my health.” Xisuma sighed, “You all are aware I do have a limited oxygen supply, right?”

Keralis flicked a few tendrils in what Tommy interpreted as a contrite gesture.

“I am sorry, Shishwam. It’s just how it is. I control me, and nothing else. But! We are wasting time. Tommy! Hold your adderstone, and step through. I know where this gate goes- it is not a danger, don’t worry. But, ah, if you hear branches snapping, and we are not through yet- don’t run. Okay?”

Tommy swallowed.

“Don’t run? As in, do not run? If I hear something, and you’re not through yet, do NOT run?”

“Yes. Stand your ground. Roar! Be big and scary.” Keralis made his puppetted head nod, “If you can, grab a stick. I am sure Ren will be kind. But don’t run. Okay? Now, through you go.”

“Hold on, why am I going first?!” Tommy protested, “Why not one of you?”

Keralis and Xisuma shared a look.

“Because what you find on the other side is based on the first thing that made a disturbance.” Xisuma said.

“That makes no fucking sense.” Tommy snapped.

“It makes perfect sense. You just don’t know the rules by which it makes the sense. Now go on! We’ll be through in a second.” Keralis said cheerfully, and Tommy growled.

“Fuck you.”

And with that-

He clenched his adderstone and stepped through the glowing portal.

This portal felt so much different from the last one. It felt like a current running over every inch of his body, halfway between pain and burning- and as that sensation ebbed, the feeling of soft wind and sunshine replaced it. Tommy’s boot fell on soft pine needles, and he opened his eyes and looked down.

He’d stepped onto the brown podzol of a forest, but it looked- different. Strange, alien. He looked around, and realized with cold horror that the trees were ROUND.

Not square. Round. He walked up to one, made a fist-

-and swore in agony as his knuckles bounced right off.

“What the fuck?!” Tommy spat, looking around frantically. He couldn’t access his inventory, either- it was nowhere to be seen, just-

Round trees that couldn’t be mined, no inventory, weird ground, soft sun on his face-

And then, as Keralis had promised, something in the depths of the wood snapped.

“Oh, fuck me,” Tommy muttered, “Fucking- fine!”

He spun around, eyes falling on a dropped pine branch, and he grabbed it at the base. The wood was studded with tiny bumps, where needles had grown out in decades long past, and spun around with his new weapon.

“That’s right! I got a fucking stick! You wanna fucking GO?!” Tommy bellowed.

Another twig snapped, and he swallowed.

“Keralis, Xisuma, where the FUCK are you?!” Tommy mumbled, taking a step back, “COME ON, BITCH! I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU! YOU WANT SOME OF THIS!?”

Leaves in a nearby bush rustled, and Tommy snarled.

“YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT! I’M HERE! YOU BETTER FUCKING RUN!”

What emerged from the bush was the tiniest rabbit Tommy had ever seen.

It was small enough to rest comfortably in his cupped hands. It had soft red eyes and two fluffy ears, and it thumped up to him curiously. Tommy lowered his stick, and his face split into a wide grin.

“Awww! Well look at you! I’m gonna call you Craigory, you know that? Do you want to be my friend, Craigory? A friend to me in this big scary world?”

He dropped to one knee and offered a hand.

Craigory stared at him.

“D’you not like the name Craigory? I can find you another one.”

Craigory stared at him. And this time, she bared her teeth, showing a mouth full of sharklike daggers, dozens of rows of arrowheads rolling up into place. The feral howl that escaped that rabbit was enough to shake the treetops, and Tommy shrieked and staggered back in fright.

“OH GOD! NOT FRIENDLY! NOT FUCKING FRIENDLY!” Tommy yelled, swinging his stick frantically-

Craigory lunged at him, and Tommy shrieked and started to run.

He sprinted through the forest, leaping over roots and branches, diving under a low bush and slamming his way through thick brush. Another howl behind him prompted a glance back, and Tommy shrieked when he saw Craigory chasing him-

AND OH GOD THE RABBIT WAS SO GODDAMN QUICK-

“TOMMY?!” and that was Xisuma, that had to be Xisuma-

Tommy dodged around a tree and started to run back the way he’d came. Xisuma and Keralis were here! They could help him! They’d save him!”

“THERE’S A FUCKING DEMON RABBIT!” Tommy managed to scream back. His lungs were burning, but the Rabbit was almost nipping at his heels-

“STOP RUNNING AND FIGHT IT OR YOU’RE GOING TO DIE.” Xisuma bellowed back from somewhere in the trees.

WHAT?!

Fight it?! Fight it how? With his stick?! He still had his stick-

Tommy skidded to a stop, spinning around as fast as he could, and smacked at the ground with all his might.

The rabbit howled and barely dodged the branch, and Tommy shrieked-

This time, the stick connected, and he sent the rabbit flying. It soared through the air and smashed into a nearby tree-

And to Tommy’s shock, it instantly turned to dust on impact.

He sank to his knees, letting the branch hit the podzol.

“What. The ACTUAL FUCK. WAS THAT?!” Tommy yelled, “What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck is happening?!”

Branches snapped behind him, and he leaped to his feet, stick in hand-

Only to drop it a second later as Xisuma stepped through.

“Relax, it’s just me. Did you- okay, great. Sorry about that.”

Tommy stared at him and jabbed a finger in Xisuma’s face.

“You. What the fuck was that. What the FUCK was THAT?! There was this fucking rabbit, yeah? with SHARK TEETH. LIKE OFF A FUCKING SHARK. AND IT WAS GONNA KILL ME!”

Xisuma blinked a few times, and then his eyes crinkled up like he was smiling.

“Oh! Oh, wow, Ren must be in a good mood today.”

Tommy’s jaw dropped.

“Yeah, so that’s the killer bunny. Right- I should clarify. Welcome to the Bloodlorn Forest. We…I’ll be honest, we kept you a bit in the dark about this, because I was worried- well, if we told you too much, you might’ve been armed with knowledge, and if you’re ‘armed’ you’ll get something a lot nastier than just-“

“Okay stop. Stop. You’re not making any fucking sense.” Tommy clutched his head. “From the fucking top. What the fuck is Ren?”

“Ren is…the spirit of the hunt.” Xisuma said quietly, “He’s the embodiment of what it means to hunt and pursue and subdue prey. This place is the safest of the realms, because game needs sunshine and clean water and fresh air. If you like hunting, this is a good place to be. Ren doesn’t think there’s such a thing as a bad tactic- use bows, use rocks, use guns, use a tank if you like- but he does think there’s such a thing as a bad matchup. So if you’d showed up here with a bazooka-“

“-I’d have gotten jumped by something a lot meaner than a rabbit.” Tommy finished slowly.

“Right in one. Again, sorry about that. I didn’t want to- if we gave you any more than that, you might’ve gotten something that could have killed you.” Xisuma said apologetically.

“And why the fuck didn’t you go first?” Tommy spat.

“Me? Oh. I’ve already proven myself. I don’t want to hunt, just pass through. You? Haven’t. Well, I mean, NOW you have. So it should be safe for us to pass through-“

It was at that point that the entire forest shook violently. Flocks of twisted, angular birds, covered in spines and claws, burst up from every nearby tree, cawwing in fright. The ground rumbled, and two roars shook the air, so loud Tommy clapped both hands over his ears.

A few seconds passed, and then-

Silence.

“And that would be Keralis finishing off whatever Ren sent after him. Or maybe they’re just arm-wrestling. I never can tell with the hermits,” Xisuma shook his head fondly, and Tommy swallowed.

“So. Okay. So. Back this shit up. So we’re here, in Ren’s realm. Why the fuck can’t I mine the fucking trees?”

“Ah. Well. Tommy.” Xisuma said carefully, “That’s because we’re, uh. Outside of…what you’d consider to be reality.”

Tommy swallowed.

“And that means?”

“This place follows most of the laws of physics. Mostly. But there’s…a lot of…it’s a flexible thing.” Xisuma crossed and uncrossed his fingers nervously, “So, you know. Some things are…different.”

“That’s unnatural and it’s wrong.” Tommy spat, “So what, I need an axe to cut down a tree to make an axe? That’s…fucking stupid. And weird. And wrong. And I hate it.”

“Tell me about it. Don’t worry, it gets worse.” Xisuma sighed.

The forest started to crash in the distance, wood snapping and branches rumbling, and Tommy gripped his stick tightly, taking a step back.

“Hello!” Keralis called brightly, tendrils snapping several trees in half as his insectoid legs climbed over a nearby bush, “Sorry, I just had a little fun with Rendiggydog. You know he’s made a new creature? It looks like a big T-rex but with lots of bits, just like me! I said it had a Sweetface, just like Ren does. I think he liked that.” Keralis made his head nod, and Tommy swallowed.

“So, like, how the fuck- Keralis, why are you the only one who can, like, drive yourself around like a fucking creepy marionette? Like, why?”

A caw rang out from overhead, and Tommy craned his neck up, and yelped in fright.

“My dude!” a crow called in Ren’s voice, “Nice one! That was the funniest hunt I’ve seen in years. Gotta love the ‘run away screaming like a girl’ strat, it’s a classic for a reason. Anyway, good job. Predator, not prey. I approve.”

The crow alighted on a nearby branch, and this close, Tommy could see that it was…abnormal. Alien. It had a massive red eye in the middle of its head, three extra pairs of wings up on its back, and claws and a beak that were serrated and looked perfect for cutting people apart.

And there was a sense that this crow was far more than just a simple bird. Looking at it for too long had Tommy’s eyes sliding all over its body- the longer he stared, the fuzzier it got. It actually- he didn’t feel pain, per se, but he felt…a burning hunger, a gripping sense of something far vaster than this tiny bird-

And then he blinked, and the insane desire to hunt and kill was gone. And he was Tommy again.

“Gore crows again, Ren?” Xisuma asked conversationally. As if any of this was normal. At all.

“It’s fun to fly, you know?” Ren gestured with a few wings, “I’ll let this little fella go after you leave. But yeah, great work, all of you. So. Tommy. Tomster. My dude. I must ask. What the hell were you thinking, man? Like, really. You’re lucky I’m like, one of the calm ones.”

“Calm ones?” Tommy echoed, his voice going weak.

Ren waved him off with a flap of his wing.

“Personal! That’s personal. None of your business. But it is the truth. You know what? Instead of just sitting here flapping our lips, how about we get you all moving. I assume you’re off to the Bifurcated Tower?”

Xisuma nodded. “Yeah, actually. Mind guiding us to the beach?”

“Sure thing, my dude. I’ll send word along that you’re fixing it. Anyway, follow me. But like, follow me CLOSELY, got that? There’ll be a path. Stay on it, and keep me in sight at all times. You wander off…”

Ren chuckled.

“You wander off if you wanna hunt some bigger game, yeah? So maybe wander off the beaten path. It’d be a lot of fun-“

Tommy shifted uncomfortably. There was something in Ren’s tone that- it settled in his guts like lead. An eagerness, unfathomable and fey, and it sounded like Ren desperately wanted Tommy to do just the opposite.

“REN.” Keralis and Xisuma yelled in unison.

“-Or, uh, or don’t.” Ren said awkwardly, “Look, just…follow me, okay?”

And with that, the crow flew a few hundred feet and landed on a branch.

“This way!”

And as Keralis and Xisuma set off, Tommy ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh, god,” he muttered, “what the fuck is happening right now?”

Chapter Text

Ren-the-crow lead them through the forest, chatting the whole way.

“Okay, so like- Tommy, my dude, are you paying attention? I’m trying to give you some advice. So the most important thing you’re gonna need to remember is to ask Mumbo if you can have use of his space elevator, trust me, dude. If you can’t get ahold of that thing, you’re gonna have to take the stairs. And if you take the stairs, you’re gonna have to pass by Grian and Beef. And that- just trust me, my dude. You do NOT wanna do that, okay?”

Tommy swallowed.

“Uh, okay,” he said, glancing back. Keralis and Xisuma were behind them by a few dozen paces, walking down the trail with comfortable ease. All around him, the forest was snapping and growling- branches were breaking, things were shifting around, and the only well-lit thing to look at was the path before him.

“No, actually,” Tommy took a deep breath, “Why are we avoiding Beef and Grian? Like, why? Exactly?”

“Ah, uh, well.” Ren squawked, “Okay, I’ll make it real simple. Beef, is uh, well he’s sorta…he likes blood. A lot. A lot a lot. He likes having new people, because new people means new blood, and new blood means…you get the picture. He’s…he’s been doing really well lately! Putting all his energy into making games for us to play. It’s- he’s been making awesome progress, and I’m super proud of him, but like- yeah. Here? Not a good place. He’s not going to invite you in for a- for a friendly game of cards, my dude.”

“And Grian?” Tommy asked nervously.

Ren stopped on a branch and reshuffled his feathers.

“Just- get the space elevator.” He nodded his little bird head frantically, “Ask Mumbo. If he questions you, get Keralis to sweet-talk him. If he questions you more, tell him I’ll pay him three stacks of- I’ll pay him three shulkers of redstone, when we get back to the dollhouse again. Okay? Tell him that. Tell him the diggitydog will pay him for use of his elevator.”

Tommy swallowed nervously and mumbled ‘three shulkers’ to himself a couple of times. Right, memorize that. Usual tricks, visualize it:

TOMMY INNIT:

“Hey big man! I got word from Ren. If you let us use your space elevator (What the fuck is a space elevator? You can make an elevator to fucking space? When? Why?!) He’ll give you three shulkers of redstone, when you get back to your creepy fucking dollhouse.”

Perfect.

“Uh,” Ren said suddenly, as a dark cloud passed over the sun.

In the distance, Tommy could hear howling wind, and great waves crashing on the beach. Thunder cracked, and a blast of salty wind lashed his skin, ice-cold and foul.

“Okay. So. Uh. So xB’s a bit pissed. HEY, KERALIS?!” Ren called, “YOUR PRINCESS HAS A STICK UP HIS WATERY BUTT AGAIN!”

Keralis giggled.

“Good. Then I talk to him. And if not, we just walk on the water.”

Silence.

Xisuma coughed into his fist.

“Keralis? I don’t know how to tell you this, but you are literally the only person xB granted that boon to. Besides Hypno, obviously.”

“Ah. Well, don’t worry. I talk to princess, and he calms down. I promise.”

The shuddering tower of black flesh continued to crawl forwards on its dozens of black legs, and Tommy sighed.

He stepped out of the forest, and onto a thin strip of dirt and gravel that transitioned onto a mud flat beach.

If it were a nice day, Tommy might have enjoyed an outing to this place. The miles of mud flat would give Hannah something to explore; Technoblade could easily rustle up a volleyball net with some of the trees washed up on the shore. The sand looked perfect for sandcastles, and Tubbo would have a ton of fun catching crabs to study and release.

Would have.

Except that the ocean was a raging, nightmarish torrent of black, bubbling water. Waves, choked with huge chunks of ice, crashed themselves against rocks jutting up from the sand. Lighting thundered down all around them, firing off with dozens of bolts a second. And in the middle of the vast harbour, a massive, massive tentacle, clutching an entire steel cargo ship, rose up and smashed it into the water, snapping it in half.

“We- tell me we don’t have to cross that!” Tommy shouted over the howling wind and waves, “TELL ME!”

He watched as the tide reversed in an instant- the water pulling back and back and back, only to thunder towards the shore in a vast tsunami, that splashed against the boundary of the forest and drenched Tommy’s shirt.

“So, the reason that didn’t kill you,” Ren said calmly, “Is because xB and I have an agreement not to break the other guy’s stuff. You’re welcome, my dudes.”

Tommy shivered.

And then-

The tide pulled out again, exposing miles of fresh muddy sand, and Keralis calmly stepped past Tommy. Past the rocks, past the bleached logs piled up on the shore. Stepping over a bloated corpse Tommy hadn’t noticed before.

He stepped over the shells, his dozens of black legs dripping oily slurry onto the sand- a slick that killed any tidepool it touched.

And as the Tsunami roared back towards the shore, howling and screaming in fury, as the water towered over Keralis’s head-

“Princess!” he called, “Talk to me, Princess.”

The wave…stopped. It stopped dead, splashing straight down, the water pooling around Keralis’s feet. The raging sea smoothed out- there was still swell, huge chunks of ice bobbing in the brine, but it wasn’t- it wasn’t as violent, wasn’t as-

The roar that filled the air sounded like a hundred men held facedown as they drowned, and Tommy clapped his hands over his ears. And slowly, inevitably, a great fleshy head rose from the deeps, huge and spined and flashing many colours. Two huge yellow eyes stared down at him, and then four, and then six- a great octopus-thing, with the jaws of a dragon, and huge fins on either side of its head.

And yet.

And yet it didn’t- Tommy got a sense that this thing was just a shell, a puppet- it had that unmistakeable presence Ren did, that sensation that water was pouring down his shoulders. Like dipping gloved hands into a bowl of water, his skin felt drenched dry. Tommy swallowed and took a step back.

That monster wasn’t xB. No way.

“Keralis. What the hell are you doing here, man?!” xB snapped, “I’M BUSY!”

“Well, Princess,” Keralis said smoothly, flipping the wrist of his puppet, “Shishwam and I need to cross the sea.”

“You can walk.” xB snorted, “Just, like, give X a piggyback ride. It’s fine, man. Do it.”

As they spoke, Tommy watched with wide eyes as the sea…calmed. The choppy waves smoothed out, the whitecaps crashed into the sea and vanished. The huge chunks of sea ice started, slowly, to melt.

Keralis grabbed his cheeks and pulled them up into a smile.

“Well, you see, we also have…our little guest with us,” Keralis nodded, “And we were hoping you could…give us a little tow? We need to get to the Bifurcated Tower, you see.”

xB huffed.

And those two eyes, eyes the size of cargo ships, turned and looked at Tommy.

And that vast mouth, concealed under hundreds of tentacles, opened up to reveal rows and rows and rows of bus-sized shark teeth.

“That little bitch?” xB snapped, “The one who sent me screaming back here? The one that broke my ties? The one I tried to get to calm down? THAT ONE?!”

The sea started to darken, the water chopping fiercely, and the wind roared up, distant stormclouds starting to whirl, the beginnings of a hurricane-

“STOP!” Tommy bellowed, shoving his way forward.

He stepped into the sea in his running shoes, shuddering at the shock of cold water. The salt stung at a few cuts around his ankles, and the huge eyes stared down at him.

This time, when xB spoke, the monster didn’t move.

It was the sea itself, gurgling and bubbling and hissing.

“What do you want, brat?”

“I want to fix this.” Tommy’s voice shook, “I want to- to get you all back to- to how it was. But I can’t- we can’t fix this if you kill me. I want- I fucked up. That’s on me. Mea culpa, bitch. So just- let us through. Please? And I’ll- I’ll fix it. I won’t stop until I fix it.”

The monster stared down at him.

And turned its gaze towards Keralis.

“I will be babysitting every step of the way, I promise.”

Silence.

Two vast tentacles vanished into the water, the surface rippling and bubbling as they rooted around in the depths for something. Tommy bit his lip, shaking in fright.

“You promise to fix this?” xB hissed, “because man, from where I’m sitting- I put my neck out for you. I tried to help you. And you stabbed me in the back.”

Tommy swallowed.

“I’m sorry.” he said quietly, “I know that means nothing. But I’ll- I’ll fix it. I promise I will fix it. O- okay? Please- please just let me fix it.”

“Fine.” xB said flatly.

And the vast monster reared up.

“There’s a couple options, then. First option, I help you. I’m sure you can understand why I’m kinda unwilling to do that. Second option…you could always join me.” xB’s voice suddenly shot up on the last two words, an amused little chuckle amid the nastiness.

Tommy took a step back.

“I- I don’t want to.” He mumbled, eyes flicking over to the bloated corpse.

“You’ll never be cold or hungry again,” xB promised, “There’s always room for another drowned sailor at my table. You’ll never be short of company. And you could walk to the tower. You could just join me. It wouldn’t be hard…”

“Princess…” Keralis warned, and xB’s mighty shoulders slumped.

Tommy glanced back to see, to his horror, that Ren was gone. Xisuma was standing at the edge of the forest, arms folded, and when he turned back-

The monster, vast and towering, looked almost...ashamed of itself? It looked contrite, confused, and Tommy felt a pang of sympathy.

“Sorry. Sometimes I- yeah. Look, we’re going with…option A, then. But. Yeah.” xB mumbled.

And then the two tendrils emerged from the depths, and they were carrying-

It was immense. A huge steel cargo ship, rusted and covered in growths. It didn’t have a high bridge, and it had huge berths sunk into the deck for carrying powdery cargo- a grain hauler, maybe? And then xB hefted it up, up, up, as if it weighed no more than a feather duster- hundreds of thousands of tonnes of steel, held aloft, until-

He tipped it forward, and a river’s worth of water came pouring out of every crack and hole. Air rushed in with a shrill scream, as xB carefully shook the boat out, turning it upside-down and jarring it again to get the last few (man-sized) drops out.

“Alright. So, Tommy.” xB leaned in, “I meant what I said. If we wanted to hurt you, you’d already be dead. And the only reason you’re NOT dead is because Keralis and X are here. Got that? Now get on the boat. I’ll give you a tow.”

Tommy nodded, gasping in a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. I- wait.”

He froze, staring at the cargo ship. It was at least a mile off shore, barely floating as it stood. He looked down. Okay, so Keralis was just happily standing on the surface of the water, but he wasn’t. And neither was Xisuma.

“Right. Yeah. Landlubbers. Alright, hold still.” xB grumbled, “Keralis, have I mentioned how incredibly annoying mortals are when they’re still breathing?”

“You have, princess. Many times. Don’t worry.” Keralis chuckled, “I’ll walk.”

Tommy was just about to ask what he and Xisuma were supposed to do-

When two tentacles the size of skyscrapers reached down and scooped both of them up, and Tommy screamed.

He was- he was- it felt like he was a mile in the air, it felt like he’d die instantly if he fell-

But wait, that was impossible. Utterly impossible! There was water beneath him! He could fall from the edge of space and he’d be completely fine, right? Surely he’d be completely fine. Surely?

 But then Xisuma’s words about physics being wrong here ran cold through his blood. Maybe the water wouldn’t break his fall. Some mods did that, he remembered. Some mods made the world a foul and hateful place. Maybe xB’s realm was just the same…

These thoughts were interrupted as the tendrils lowered him down and down and down-

Tommy’s jeans hit the rusty deck of the ship, and he gasped in shock. He was still alive. Still in one piece. Still- still- okay. Still.

He stood up slowly, and swallowed. Keralis was toddling his way across the bay, and as the waters calmed- was it just him, or did the water look…silver?

Then those vast tentacles grabbed the sides of the ship, and Xisuma planted a hand on Tommy’s shoulder.

“Nice work. I legitimately don’t know how you talked him down like that. Heck, I sometimes have a tough time talking it out with him. And xB’s one of the nice ones.”

“NICE ONES?!” Tommy bellowed, only for a massive, yellow eye to stare down at him.

“Of course, little fish.” The ocean rumbled, “You’re just a little fish, after all. A wayward little fish. A long time ago, one of my little fish decided to see what the beach was like. And you are just that little fish’s child, a hundred million hatchings later. You’re a little fish that went exploring, and you belong to me like all fish do.”

Tommy swallowed.

The air rumbled with the force of those words, and at the sheer tenderness underlying each one. He stepped back, shaking in fear, as the vast monster rumbled a laugh.

“Princess, don’t scare him!” A black blob of void crawled over the side, long spiderlike legs pulling it up and up and up, until it tumbled onto the rusty deck with a splat. The mouth that was speaking was a fang-lined hole on the back of the blob, a mouth that sealed up as Keralis rose back into his usual position. His puppet lashed securely to the raised blob, and several tendrils flicked his arm around dismissively.

xB chuckled.

“It’s the truth, though…”

“Yes, but sometimes, the truth is scary.”

“Sorry to interject, but I do think we should get going.” Xisuma sounded a little worried, “I really don’t know how long Scar’s gate is going to last before it pops…you know how, uh, fast and loose he can be with making them.”

“Yeah. Alright. Point taken. Hold on to something!” xB cackled.

Tommy yelped as the boat jerked forward so fast he fell on his ass.

And you know what?

Lying on the rusty deck, staring up at the blue sky overhead…

Tommy decided he didn’t feel like getting up right away.

“What the fuck is my life.” he mumbled.

“That’s what I ask myself every single morning.” Xisuma echoed darkly.

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up with a start.

The ship had been travelling for…god, he’d lost track. Hours and hours and hours. He’d explored the whole thing from top to tail, and all he’d found was acres of rusted metal that smelled of rotted seaweed, plus a load of barnacles and dead fish.

He’d lain down on a relatively clean and dry piece of steel on the deck and closed his eyes, intent on just…having a small rest, and at some point he’d nodded off.

Tommy grunted. This was definitely a step down from his plush on-set trailer. His back felt stiff and his head hurt, in that particular way that wasn’t a headache, just the result of his skull laying on a hard surface for far too long. He sat up with a grunt, rubbing the back of his head and craning his neck up to look at the sky.

It was night, now, and the stars were twirling overhead in their untold multitudes. But to Tommy’s shock, they- moved? They moved. The stars were dancing- like shooting stars, without the tails, and all while twinkling. They slid across the sky like pieces across a game board. They’d draw a constellation he recognized- there, that was the Witch’s Cauldron, those five-

And then he’d blink, and those same starts had formed a new, nonsensical pattern- three stars in a diagonal row, tilting down. What the hell was that supposed to be?

Another blink. Okay, good. The Sunken Ship, right where it was supposed to be, pointing North. And then those stars whirled to form some- some nonsensical shape, a square with a handle- like a plough?

Tommy shook his head.

“Great. Even the heavens’ve gone fucking mad.” Tommy muttered, climbing to his feet.

And doing his level best to ignore the MASSIVE MOON leering down at him like their creepy producer.

That thought made Tommy shudder, and he ignored the dancing stars, setting off for a walk down the deck. Weird sounds echoed down from the bow of the ship- or like, the front, or some shit. Tommy knew a little bit about nautical stuff, but like, not much.

The weird sounds coalesced as he climbed a rusty staircase whose safety rail creaked and shuddered as he pulled his way up it, until he reached the top, and the noises crystallized.

It was music.

Tommy walked closer and closer to the front of the ship, he saw…figures. Human figures, sitting on rusty chairs, in a semicircle at the prow of the ship. Their bodies were lit by stripes of bioluminescent blue, and under the light of the massive moon, he could see them clearly.

Their bodies were bloated, misshapen, rotten things, chunks of flesh torn out of them by eager scavengers. Worms grew on any exposed bone, their corpses held together just barely by ripped uniforms. And what uniforms they were- the semicircle of zombies reminded Tommy of a costume closet, all different in their manner and dress. The bloke nearest to him, he had a big old eagle pinned to his hat’s front-was faded into one shoulder. Another guy, he had a star with what looked like a sickle, and yet more-

And all were clutching instruments. Rotted, waterlogged instruments, cellos and a harp, a trumpet and a guitar, a harmonica and a water-filled drum. And they were playing…music. An upbeat, jazzy tune, something that wasn’t to Tommy’s taste. But he could easily imagine Phil dancing to it with Kristin, in the space between takes, when Techno let him have the aux cord-

Tommy crept closer and ducked behind a huge, rusty metal pipe poking out of the deck. And when he saw who was in the middle of the ring of rotted sailors, his eyes went wide.

Keralis, of course. A huge pillar of shifting flesh, balanced on dozens of insectoid legs. But he was towering over his body, long threads wrapped around his puppet’s limbs, tugging it this way and that; save for a colossal cable snaking out of the puppet’s back.

And the puppet was…dancing?

Hand in hand with another rotted sailor, this one dressed in a magnificent uniform. Or, well, it had once been magnificent; a few centuries at the bottom of the sea had reduced the red fabric and gold embroidery to shadows of themselves. The once-proud ostritch plume poking out of the dashing hat sagged sadly, bogged down in mud, and the corpse moved with unnatural splats and squelches.

And both corpse and Keralis were holding hands, dancing a clumsy, unnatural, awkward two-step to the beat of the band.

They spun, and Tommy caught sight of the corpse-captain’s eyes. Two great swollen pearls, cloudy and white like the full moon, leaking salty tears down a rotted face.

Then they spun away again, and he swallowed.

And to his horror, the captain…spoke. It spoke in xB’s voice, which was…somewhat of a comfort? But-

“Will you be okay?” xB rasped through that rotted throat, “You’re gonna- like, I know this is helping, but- Keralis, it’s gonna be, bare minimum, a day and a half before we’re all back. Are you going to be okay?”

Keralis- as in, the massive tower of black flesh- shuddered, and his puppet rattled on its strings.

“I don’t know, Princess,” he said, and that voice was so unfathomably tender, so gentle, that it almost made Tommy tear up. Almost.

It would have if he wasn’t a big strong manly man, of course.

“You don’t…know?” xB echoed, “that’s not comforting.”

“I- Maybe this is good.” Keralis said, his voice wavering, “Maybe this- is a chance to- try and wean myself off, a little. Maybe we see if I am making progress, after all.”

xB chuckled.

“You can quit whenever you want, huh?”

“I- yes, I think I can, princess.”

“Liar.” xB said, not a hint of malice in his voice, “We both know that’s a load of bullshit.”

Keralis’ puppet slumped a little.

“I…yes,” he admitted softly, “but…Well, the others- they moved on. Biffa and Red and Jessa. They all got better, and on they went. I’ve been here so long, Princess. Shouldn’t I be better, too?”

“It’s not a race, Keralis.” xB said softly, “getting better isn’t a contest. It’s…sometimes you have setbacks. And- look, I’m telling you this because you’re my buddy, and I care. But you’re really not ready to go cold turkey.”

Silence, save for the haunting tune of the band.

“I know.” Keralis admitted softly, “I know, princess.”

“Good.” xB said.

They danced some more, and Tommy was just about to turn and sneak away, when Keralis spoke once more.

“As the night loves the sea, and the sea loves the night.” He giggled, “Isn’t it? Aren’t we?”

“Not really. I’m an abyss of stuff. Water is stuff. You’re an abyss of not-stuff. We’re not the same.” xB sounded so, so- so ridiculously fond, that it pulled at Tommy’s heart.

“But we are an abyss each. And I love my abyss of stuff. I want to put my nothing all in your sea,” Keralis giggled, “And you can fill me with the ocean’s love anytime you-“

“Okay, man, cool your jets."

"Oh, but princess! It's about the motion in the ocean, isn't it?"

xB laughed. 

"Easy there, Keralis. Let’s get things back to normal before we start with that stuff. Besides, we got a young audience,” xB chuckled, “Isn’t that right, Tommy?”

Tommy jerked upright.

Oh god. They knew. They-

“C’mere, you.” xB sighed, “this old boat rattles when you walk on it. And you’re lucky- Keralis mellowed me out. Come on up to the prow, there’s something you need to see.”

Tommy nervously made his way around the huge pipe, picking his way around the edge of the band. In the middle of the circle, the sound was better- still kind of waterlogged and muddy, but definitely not awful. Keralis and xB didn’t once stop their dancing, and Tommy stepped back and gave them some room. It gave him a minute to look over the sailors playing music- and to note that every single one shared xB’s pearly, rotted eyes.

“Look out the front, to the horizon.” xB said.

And Tommy did.

He looked across the expanse of calm, even waters, and he saw-

A tower. A great steel tower that soared into the clouds, pulsing with red lights. Something was dangling off it, and the shape…the shape was…weird. Twisted. Light flashed in the distance- whites and greens and blacks- and all around the tower, clustered at its feet, were hundreds upon hundreds of small buildings.

“That’s the Iron Island, and you’re looking at the Bifurcated Tower.” xB said gently, “the first generator's there. X will show you what to do. But when you get there, here’s some free advice- suck up to Mumbo as hard as you possibly can. Because if he’s in a very, very good mood, he’ll let you use his space elevator. Actually…”

The music stopped. Tommy was about to turn around, when a rotted, ice-cold, soaking wet hand clapped on his shoulder. He muffled a scream, forcing himself to stay calm.

“When you get there, tell Mumbo I have a shulker of redstone blocks in my storage.” xB said, “Plus I’ll craft him…aw, hell, I’ll craft him three stacks of dispensers. Tell him that. And tell him all of that is his if he lets you use his space elevator.”

Tommy swallowed.

“Okay. Why- why do I need the- what the fuck is a space elevator?”

“It’s exactly what it sounds like- an elevator to space.” xB chuckled, “And you need it, ‘cause it’s the most direct route to Bdubs. If you don’t have that, you’re taking the stairs. And if you’re taking the stairs…you’re going to have to walk through Beef’s turf.”

The rotted sailor shuddered.

“So get on the elevator. Got it?”

Tommy nodded.

“Cool. We’ll make landfall at dawn. Now piss off and get some sleep. I want to dance some more.”

Tommy nodded shakily, stumbling away from the bow of the ship.

And as he clanked back down the stairs, the band started to play once more.

Chapter Text

Dawn broke on cloudy skies, and Tommy awoke to the sound of a metallic thunderclap.

Wait, no, that wasn’t thunder. That was the sound of a vast piece of metal smashing against concrete, and he sat up with a grunt. God, his back ached…

And then he froze.

Tommy craned his neck back and he swallowed, his throat itchy and dry. Because he was staring at one of those tiny little buildings he’d seen on the horizon.

It wasn’t tiny.

The tiny little building stretched hundreds of blocks into the sky, with smooth black glass walls with no indication of the seams between the blocks. It wasn’t made of blocks, he realized with horror- it was just made of freestanding glass and metal, and it was twisted and gnarled, like a cruel parody of a tree. Except, instead of a crown of soft green leaves, this tower terminated in hundreds of antennae and glowing red lights. The gloomy grey sky above the ship buzzed with hundreds of-

-oh those weren’t birds.

Tiny little machines with four fanlike blazes buzzing in each corner, flicking here and there, flying around.

He climbed to his feet slowly, swallowing as he stepped towards the source of that thunderous bang. On the other side of the ship, a huge piece of metal had been dropped into place by an overhead crane, creating a crude gangplank for them to step down. From a world of rust and rot to smooth concrete streets with nary a crack.

Tommy glanced up the length of the ship, and saw that it was parked snugly into a dock of some sort- one it barely fit inside.

Waiting by the gangplank, Keralis and Xisuma, who were deep in a conversation.

“-and with that said, we just have to hope they’re in a good mood.” Xisuma sighed, and Keralis chuckled.

“You know Bumbo. He’s always in a good mood.” Keralis sounded…eager? Which was a comfort…

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean anything if Doc’s mad. And I’ve been here before- sometimes Mumbo gets angry, and then Doc’s the one reeling him back…”

“I know. But we go and see, and we talk them out of it. Although, uh, I…”

Keralis started to deform as Tommy got closer. The black ooze poured out of the back of his doll, wrapping around it completely, burying it in the gunk until he was just a many-legged, long and slender blob of voidgoo. Hundreds of eyes and fanged mouths rolled open across the blob, their tongues flicking at the air.

The blob didn’t turn to face him; Keralis just spoke.

“Tommy! Now, we get off here. This is the Iron Island, home of the Bifurcated Tower. We just call it the Bifurcated tower to save time. What you do, is you stick close to Shishwammy, okay? And I meet you at the generator. Bumbo and Doc are here, and they are…a bit prickly. But! There are things you remember, okay?”

Xisuma nodded.

“Single biggest thing, Tommy? Don’t let anyone put anything on your head, got it? Nothing. Not even a hat. Just keep away from the Entranced and you’ll be fine. Got it?”

Tommy nodded very slowly.

“Uh. Sure thing. What the fuck are the Entranced?” He asked, and Xisuma shuddered.

“Tell you what, let’s get down there, and I’ll…show you. Keralis? Lead the way.”

The vast black monster huffed.

“Shishwam. Returning to the part where I am BLIND without my eyes?”

“Uh. Yeah, point taken. Uh, sprout some antennae and follow us, then.” Xisuma said awkwardly.

Tommy suppressed a giggle. There was just- this entire conversation was so ridiculous, he was almost tempted to write it down and insist one of the scriptwriters add it to a future filming session. It would be an amusing little anecdote- maybe Kristin could ham it up a bit?

He shook those thoughts out of his head, and followed Xisuma down the gangplank. Every footfall on the smooth, clean metal made the whole thing rattle and bang, and Tommy got the uncomfortable sensation that if the chains holding it up snapped, they’d all be sent plummeting to their deaths.

“So, the generator is here, drawing power from the mains.” Xisuma explained, “the three generators are placed in three realms with enough excess energy to fuel them. That’s why Ren and xB don’t have one- there’s not really a practical way for us to tap their energy.”

“Okay. So what the shit do we do when we get to this bitch?” Tommy swallowed, “It’s just, like, flipping a fucking switch or some shit, right?”

Xisuma swallowed.

“Ah…not really. It’s…it’s honestly really simple. You need to- you need to touch the generator and think of a hard decision you’ve made in your life. Attune it, you know? And from there, it’ll…well, it should start back up.”

Tommy nodded slowly. Okay, so magic generators, despite all the nonsense around him. That made sense.

“Okay, cool.”

His feet hit the concrete, and he breathed a sigh of relief. The sheet of metal rattled and banged, as the vast, slithering form of Keralis rattled his way down from the ship. He’d sprouted five huge whiplike antennae from the front, and he was tapping the ground furiously, waving them around to get a lock on…something. Tommy wasn’t some bug biologist, he didn’t know shit.

“Right, I’ll lead the way.” Xisuma nodded, “Here, follow me. The nice thing is that this city is laid out in a radial grid, so all roads lead to the middle.”

“Uh,” Tommy started, “Quick question, why the hell can’t you just pull your creepy puppet shit here?”

“Hm? Oh! The Entranced don’t like it.” Keralis said pleasantly (from a gaping mouth on his back), “They don’t like me in general, so. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.”

“Sure. Awesome. Great.” Tommy muttered, holding his head in his hands.

It wasn’t too far down the first canyonlike street, when Tommy understood what Xisuma meant by ‘Entranced.’

He recoiled in horror at the sight. Between the walls of shifting glass and steel towers, bedecked with advertisements for products in languages Tommy couldn’t read…the streets were full of people.

The man (?) stood a dozen paces away from them, staring slightly up at the sky. Or he would have been, if his head wasn’t half-swallowed by a huge headset thing, that shrouded his eyes and ears. It was made of smooth black plastic and metal, with a cable sticking out of the back and snaking up to the rat’s nest of wires tying every building together. From the front of the headset protruded a huge beak with a sharp hooked tip, and two red circles glowed from either side, making the man look like a freaky bird of prey. His mouth gaped open and closed, and he shuddered, twitching his hands and fingers- utterly oblivious to the people within spitting distance, walking by.

“What- the fuck?!” Tommy hissed, his voice low, in the worry he’d wake the man from whatever VR nightmare he was trapped in.

“It’s fine, they can’t hear us.” Xisuma said at normal volume, “At least, they can’t individually. It’s…hard to explain. But, you know, some people…don’t know when it’s time to stop.”

Keralis chuckled.

“What Shishwam means is that, a long time ago, a bunch of very silly people built a tower to heaven, and put all their knowledge in it. And then, they weren’t satisfied, so they filled it with their minds too. And they added more and more and more minds, until one day… the tower woke up. And he screamed until he blew every speaker he had.”

Tommy shuddered.

“So- Mumbo is a- technology god?” Tommy shivered, as they passed by the shambling dreamer, “And that guy’s brain is, like, tied into the fucking mainframe or something?”

“Right in one.” Xisuma nodded, “So if any of them get any closer, don’t let them put one on you. Or we’re never getting you out.”

Tommy swallowed. That was a horrifying prospect.

It was just as that thought crossed his mind that every single glass pane on the buildings around them flashed to life.

And every single one of them were showing a brown human eye, staring straight at them. Dozens of drones swooped down from above, blue scanner beams passing over them, and Tommy recoiled.

He opened his mouth to speak-

“Xisuma?!” Mumbo’s voice boomed from every single drone, and from the mouths of the dozens of Entranced milling about, “Xisuma?! Keralis?! What are you doing here?”

“We’re here to get things back together. And get you two separated again.” Xisuma said confidently.

Silence. The hundreds of brown eyes blinked in unison.

“I hope you- I- DOC! NO- I’M TRYING TO- GAH!”

Every screen fuzzed out in unison, hundreds of them fading to garbled static, until they were filled again by a glowing red eyepiece, staring down at them all in their untold hundreds.

“YOU.” Doc bellowed, “MUMBO, SHUT UP. I’M YELLING AT THIS BRAT!”

The screens fuzzed again, and Mumbo’s eyes were back.

“YOU SHUT UP! WE HAD A SCHEDULE AND YOU’RE RUINING IT!”

Then the red eyes tore their way to the surface and-

“THE SCHEDULE WAS BEFORE THIS LITTLE SHIT SHOWED UP! TOMMY! I WANT AN APOLOGY AND I WANT IT-“

“-WE WANT MY BODY BACK!” Mumbo shouted, “WE’RE TIRED OF- of- oh no.”

Keralis hissed, and Xisuma winced and stepped forward.

“Both of you. Stop it. Calm down, okay? We’ll- we’re fixing it! We just need the generator. And we’ll get them all fixed, and you’ll be back to normal before you know it. Okay? So just- can you- stick to your schedule, okay? It’s inconvenient, but please, stop fighting for control. You’ll just hurt yourselves.”

“Fine.” Doc’s eyes snapped, “But you’re not getting any help from me. Mumbo, your five minutes starts now.”

And every red eye snapped back to brown.

“Oh, well, how generous of you,” Mumbo’s voice was laced with sarcasm, “Anyway, X, Keralis…you know where to go. I’ll…I’ll clear the way for you, but there’s no guarantee our clients are going to listen.”

“Clients!?” Tommy echoed, and the dozens of brown eyes snapped down to stare at him. He quailed, swallowing when he noticed hundreds of Entranced staring at him from every alleyway too.

“Our clients are part of us.” Mumbo said carefully, “So it’s kind of…we need them, and they need us. And I do like having additional processing power that works entirely in parallel. But I- sometimes Doc stores data in them and doesn’t tell me, and it makes them…uh, unpredicta-DOC!”

The screens snapped to Red, and Doc snarled.

“If you think I’m the only one downloading to these guys, you are very fucking wrong. Mumbo, you do the same thing, man! You need to TELL me where you put shit-“

The screens snapped back to brown, and Mumbo growled, a bizarrely organic sound from so many speakers.

“Point is. Our clients are a little unpredictable. So I can’t entirely help you. I’ll keep the deconstructors out of your way, but you’ll have to figure your way to the middle.”

And with that, all the screens went black.

“He’s furious.” Xisuma said flatly.

“I have never seen Bumbo this angry.” Keralis added, a slight bit of nerves on his voice.

Tommy buried his head in his hands and groaned.

“So how fucked are we?”

Tommy then made the mistake of looking up.

At the crowd, now dozens strong, of Entranced, their red-eyed helmets glowing in the gloom. The horde was staring straight at them, and they started to stagger forwards, arms up-

-and some of them were holding empty headsets.

“To answer your question,” Xisuma said, taking a step back, “Very. RUN!”

Chapter Text

Tommy’s shoes hit the tarmac and every footfall was as loud a firework in a church.

“KEEP RUNNING!” Xisuma bellowed, and Tommy panted raggedly. Didn’t have to tell him twice.

Because the horde was charging after them, a baying mob of techno-zombies, and Tommy had very little interest in becoming a backup SSD for Mumbo and Doc to dump stupid pictures on.

The worst of it was the sound, though. Because while a normal zombie might have had the decency to groan or growl or roar, these bastards weren’t rotten. And as a result- Tommy was hearing WORDS.

A song, a LITANY of words. None of them made any sense at all- “format fault partition edgequake break wall gamble”- like a crowd of extras all set to shout whatever nonsense was on their minds all at once, a torrent of verbal diarrhea that was starting to give Tommy a splitting headache.

And they were horrifyingly FAST-

Tommy’s lungs started to burn as he ran, and a glance over his shoulder revealed the Entranced were gaining on them. Keralis was crawling across the walls of the buildings, leaving a row of melted holes in his wake as he crawled at top speed; behind him, dozens of drones zipped in, bathing the holes in blue light and sealing them up-

And then Xisuma tripped.

Tommy shrieked in terror as X tripped over his own feet, and the Entranced roared, racing closer and closer-

The howl of pure, inhuman rage that tore out of Keralis was enough to have Tommy skidding to a halt, clapping his hands over his ears. And then-

Suddenly, his shirt collar was slamming into his neck, and he yelped, struggling and gasping for air as he was picked up off the ground-

“XIUSMA YOU IDIOT!” Keralis bellowed, and Tommy spared a glance over his shoulder to see-

Keralis’ Doll had emerged from the muck of his true form just enough to grab both Tommy and Xisuma by the back of their shirts, and the huge centipede-eque mass of limbs and ooze was sprinting away from the Entranced as fast as it could. Tommy made a vain attempt to struggle free- with his collar digging into his neck, he could hardly breathe-

“IF HE DROPS YOU YOU'RE PERMANENTLY DEAD.” Xisuma shouted, and Tommy instantly stopped thrashing.

“Thank you, X.” Keralis snapped, and Tommy looked back over his shoulder to see the exact moment that Keralis’s head and torso vanished under crawling tendrils of void, leaving two human arms poking out of the mess, his fists clenched taut by hundreds of cables snaking away from his arms.

Tommy turned his head back to see the end of the street approaching, and after a few more seconds of scrambling, Keralis leaped out of the alleyway and went skidding across the smooth glass plates that made up the floor of the central pavilion. And then Tommy was falling, tumbling for the ground, and he landed with a thud on his back, knocking the air out of his lungs as he skidded to a stop.

“Owwwww,” Xisuma groaned, sprawled on the glass, “Keralis, next time, can you please be a little more careful?”

“Sorry, Shishwammy,” the vast, twisted monster growled, looming over Xisuma, all hints of his humanity long gone, “but it was this or let you die.”

Tommy stood up slowly, ignoring the idiocy ten steps behind him, and his jaw dropped.

Before him was a skyscraper that beggared belief. It was lit with hundreds of red lines, and its height- it stretched up and up and up into the sky, until the clouds were pooling at its midpoint, and the red lights blasted farther into the sky beyond that. Black glass and steel, a monument to human ingenuity…and it looked like it had been split down the middle by a lightning strike. The two halves of the tower leaned away from each other, as though they couldn’t bear to touch, leaning so far that it looked like they would both collapse and crash to the ground- were it not for the untold millions of cables that laced between them, lashing them together even as they tried to tear each other apart.

The tower itself pulsed with this faint sense that it was just- just what his lying eyes were able to resolve of it, what his squishy mortal brain was able to handle of the full truth-

And at the base of this vast construction of steel and glass, a giant purple crystal with an X scratched across it pulsed, sitting in a small sunken dias. Hundreds of steel cables sank into it, red energy pulsing from each one- and as Tommy stood there, his nostrils filled with the acrid burn of ozone, and his ears with an all-encompassing hum that felt like it would slowly drive him mad.

“Is that it?” Tommy asked softly, and Keralis and Xisuma turned to look.

“That’s it. To switch it on…oh, what was this one again…just, touch it and think of a hard decision you’ve made in your life. That’ll attune it, and it should switch on.”

Tommy nodded, and approached the crystal, his hands shaking.

Distantly, he could hear the footsteps of hundreds of Entranced encroaching on their location, and he didn’t care at all. He reached up and laid his palm on the purple crystal, closing his eyes.

It was cool to the touch, shocking him slightly as he made contact- the hair on his arms stood on end, the faint hint of static power thrumming through it, and Tommy swallowed.

A hard decision, huh? Well, there was really only one candidate.

Flinging himself out of his comfy lie of a life and throwing his fate to the void.

And as Tommy thought on all the factors that had led him to this moment, as he thought of the mountain of paper on the producer’s desk and the one document in specific that had spurred him on more than any other- the folder of photographs, the paper-

He felt- something-

Change?

The crystal under his palms started to heat up, and he opened his eyes to see that its core was now pulsing a soft red-white-red-white, drowning under an ocean of purple light.

He took a step back, and swallowed.

“Is that- is this bitch on now? That was fucking anticlimactic.” Tommy spat, and Xisuma groaned.

“Oh, well, I’m sorry we don’t meet your Hollywood sensibilities,” he snarked, “Next time I’m maintaining a complicated metaphysical chain of infrastructure to safely be interacted with by human hands, I’ll be sure to throw in a few explosions to keep the test audience awake!”

Tommy huffed, his cheeks heating up with shame.

“Okay, fine. Fine. Sure.” He muttered, “So, uh, what now?”

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the Bifurcated Tower itself lit up.

It was…a mess. Red eyes and brown eyes as drones by the millions came swarming out of every crack and crevice in the building. Tommy took a step back, being stared at from so many directions, and then another, and then-

“MUMBO!” Tommy shouted, “I NEED TO TALK TO MUMBO!”

Silence.

“We are Mumbo.” The tower roared, “I am me and we is he and he is- Doc- no, stop- MUMBO- YOU NEED TO- DOC-!”

“ENOUGH!” Keralis bellowed, “BUMBO, DOC, SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE! YOU’RE GOING TO HURT YOURSELVES!”

Silence.

Tommy growled into his palms.

“MUMBO, JUST- WE NEED YOUR FUCKING SPACE ELEVATOR!” he shouted, “JUST- LET US USE THE FUCKING THING AND I’LL GO. I’M GONE.”

Silence.

“It’s not Mumbo’s elevator. It’s mine.” Doc’s voice snarled.

“IT’S MY SPACE ELEVATOR YOU JERK!” Mumbo shouted, “I BUILT IT! I MADE YOU!”

“NO, YOU IDIOT! I MADE YOU!”

Tommy stepped forward, and he clenched his jaw.

“ENOUGH!” he bellowed, “I AM SICK AND TIRED OF THIS- THIS- ALL THIS BULLSHIT! OF ALL YOU FUCKING PRICKS DANCING AROUND BEING SCARY IDIOTS!” he took a few deep breaths, and then Tommy looked to the left and the right, examining the city.

“Alright,” he growled, “I have an idea. I’ll trade you both something for the use of your elevator.”

“Oh?” Mumbo’s voice dripped with sarcasm, “Do tell. What’s the little mortal human got that I could possibly want?”

“We could just plug you in and get it anyway. And get some free RAM out of it.” Doc added, as several hundred drones loomed over them menacingly.

Tommy held up his hands.

“Well, fuck you too then!” he shouted, “Here’s how this is going to fucking work. Mumbo, you’re in that half of this fucking building, and you get all the shit on the left side of the city. Doc, you’re in the other fucking half. You’re fucking stuck together, so just fucking share it! You keep fighting and arguing and it’s giving me a headache and more importantly, WASTING MY TIME!” Tommy shouted, his face red as his shirtsleeves.

Silence.

And then every speaker in the entire city erupted into wild, unhinged laughter, as both Doc and Mumbo lost their minds laughing. It was like an earthquake- a deep rumbling in the bones of the world, stretching down and down below the smooth glass, and Tommy swallowed nervously.

“Oh. Oh my word. Oh that’s PRICELESS.” Mumbo snorted, “Okay, Doc, I’m voting we don’t plug him in. That’s too funny. That’s just-“

“Yeah. Yeah. You’re a funny guy, Tommy, you really are,” Doc giggled, “D’you really think we haven’t thought of that?”

“We have literally millions of minds backed up into our network,” Mumbo snickered, “We both make helper AI’s whenever we get bored for a new perspective on things.”

“We’ve got a database that encompasses the knowledge of several lost civilizations,” Doc added with glee, “Do you really think we haven’t thought of “sharing is caring”?”

Silence.

“So why haven’t you fucking tried it yet?” Tommy spat.

And then the faint hum that was just starting to verge on too much stopped.

All mechanical grinding stopped.

All noise stopped.

For the first time, Tommy heard his own breathing.

“…Well, that’d be because it’s…stupid. Isn’t it?” Mumbo said slowly, “Hang on. Doc, let me- wait. Let’s try it. I’ll do a number crunch with-“

“I disagree with that allocation of resources, half and half is too simplistic. I need access to the bionics factories, and they’re mostly in “your” half-“

“Yeah, yeah, but I don’t actually want those, but what I DO want is the command block manufactorums-“

“So- hang on, let’s just-“ Doc muttered.

“-Try it? Let’s try it. Two hour trial period?” Mumbo offered.

Tommy watched in awe as the eyes projected onto the sides of the Tower blinked, and when they opened again, half of them were Mumbo’s brown eyes, thousands of them darting in different directions, and the other half were Doc’s red, staring down at him unblinkingly.

“…So, I’ve got about half the processing power I’d like,” Mumbo said after a few minutes, “But- X, quick, what’s something you need calculated?”

Xisuma, startled out of his trance, swallowed.

“Uh- 47 times 15?”

Silence.

“X. Did you just ask me to do BASIC ARITHMETIC?!” Mumbo’s voice warped, twisting into a near-demonic roar, “DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST ASK ME TO MULTIPLY TWO NUMBERS TOGETHER LIKE A GLORIFIED CALCULATOR?!”

“SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!” Xisuma bellowed, “UH, UH- PROBABILITY OF- OF- OF-“

“A BEE LANDING ON AN ALLIUM IN THE CURRENT SEASON!” Keralis added frantically, “BASED ON ALL AVAILABLE BLOCKS!”

Tommy shrank away from the tower as every one of Mumbo’s eyes whipped around to stare at them, all narrowing in rage- and what wasn’t helping was the fact that all of Doc’s eyes were shaking, his speakers booming with simulated laughter.

“That’s better,” Mumbo growled, “Right. Thank you, Keralis. Let me just…”

And he went quiet for a few moments, Tommy shaking with fright.

“…probability is about….2.6%, counting all known wild bee nests. Result likely to be inaccurate, my Doll’s memory module is, ah, “Realistic to organic technology” meaning it’s rubbish.” Mumbo added, “Doc? 2.6% on a given day sound reasonable?”

“Ah, my crunch is closer to… 0.5567%, assuming we count bee farms?” Doc replied.

“Right. But hang on, because I actually- worked something out, without you interrupting…Hm.”

“…I’m liking this.” Doc said after a pause, “I can actually-“

“Yeah. Yeah, dude, I know. Huh.” Mumbo said, “So…we’ll just deal with the decreased RAM by just…harvesting more?”

“Sounds good to me.” Doc agreed.

The use of the word ‘harvesting’ in that sentence had Tommy on edge, and he shifted uncomfortably.

“Awesome. Cool. Great. Uh, look. I- Mumbo. Can we use your fucking space elevator now? Ren and, uh, xB, they- promised you a shitload of redstone when we get everything fixed. Like, I think one of ‘em was- a fucking shulker of dispensers, that kind of bullshit.”

Silence.

“…Double it.” Mumbo said, “Whatever they offered, one for Doc too.”

“Okay, now you have my attention.” Doc said brightly, “Sure, if that’s the deal, I’m good with it.”

There was a grinding noise from deep in the bowels of the earth, and the glass floor near them started to violently shake.

“I usually keep the tether in orbit to keep things, uh, uncluttered.” Mumbo said, “Nobody likes a chestmonster, you know?”

“’Cept Pearl. She’s been making a killing on them lately!” Doc chuckled, and Tommy watched in horror as the glass ground slid away, and five colossal metal jaws rose up from the bowels of the earth-

And then, from the sky, a vast light illuminated the darkness, one of the countless stars speeding towards them, and Tommy’s heart stopped when several hundred of the stars all flashed bright red.

The star glowed brighter and brighter and he realized, dimly, that it was a spacecraft deorbiting, and it was towing something behind it- something that shone brighter than the sun as it got closer and closer-

“I don’t know why you’re so impressed. It’s all quite simple, really. You could work out these orbital mechanics with a roomful of ordinary humans using mechanical adding machines,” Mumbo said blithely, “I love how easy things are in space.”

Tommy watched, jaw slack, as the great cable descended from the heavens, huge metal loops at the end of it snagging into the vast steel jaws at the base. It clanged into place with such a thunderous noise that his ears were ringing, and Mumbo chuckled.

“See? Very simple. No nonsense. Now, ah, Keralis? The elevator capsule itself, it’s pretty big, mate, but not big enough, for, uh-“

Keralis waved several hundred tendrils dismissively.

“I just cling to the outside, Bumbo.”

“Ah, right. Well, enjoy your bath.” Mumbo chuckled, as a huge capsule slid down the vast cable, coming to a rest level with the ground, right next to the vast jaws.

A gangplank slid out of the side of the circular capsule, and the doors hissed open.

“Right, there’s your ride. Uh, now one thing-“ Mumbo’s voice rose up in concern a bit, “There’s an emergency stop in there, under a metal cover. It’s locked, but-“

“Don’t press it if you value your life.” Doc growled, “This’ll zip you right up to the Sunplains, and it’ll take you right through the Killing Fields. Don’t stop there if you value breathing.”

“Or, uh, your free will. Actually, while I’m giving warnings, if you get asked to scour the Vault, stay out-“

“-Don’t, just, DON’T listen to Stress, there is LITERALLY no way out-“ Doc sounded frantic-

“-Give the Shadowlands a miss, you’re utterly stuffed if you can’t navigate while blind and unable to breathe-“

There was another pause.

“-You’ll be fine.” Mumbo finished cheerfully, “Um, I think. Have fun!”

And with those words of confidence, Xisuma pushed Tommy into the space elevator.

Chapter Text

Tommy watched with a slack jaw as the space elevator shot upwards into the depths of space, the ground far below them vanishing from sight in-between blinks. And they rose, and rose, and to his horror, the world below clouded over with a thick black fog- he couldn’t see the face of the realms below, as the tether their little elevator was tied to slid ever higher into the heavens.

The elevator took the form of a huge ring-shaped room, with viewing windows and control panels scattered alongside crates and couches. Boxes stamped BIOHAZARDOUS MATERIAL- DO NOT TOUCH were scattered everywhere, and Tommy shuddered and turned his gaze back to the windows.

They sailed past a sea of orbiting probes and satelites, the bits of space junk staring at them as they shot ever higher into the heavens, and he shivered.

“Don’t worry. This isn’t a normal elevator.” Xisuma said softly, as Keralis crawled around on top, “Normally they’d never go this high, ever.”

“Oh, that’s a comfort.” Tommy snapped, “So, what, we just keep going on this thing, forever?”

“Well, no. We’ll pass through the Killing Fields, and then it’ll stop at the Sunplains. With that, we can skip out on saying hi to Beef, which is the best for everyone. Beef’s…um, greedy.” Xisuma said awkwardly.

Tommy nodded and turned his attention back out the window.

This far above, the stars didn’t twinkle. And there were so many- infinite stars in shapes he didn’t recognize, dancing and twisting in the heavens above.

Then a harsh red glare illuminated the window, and Tommy turned around in annoyance.

And his eyes went wide.

“Keep it together, Keralis,” he mumbled to himself, claws dissolving the protective outer skin of the space elevator as it shot up and up and up into the blackness above the world.

He could feel it- the siren song of the void all around him, beckoning him to just let go of this little capsule and swim through its warm waters...

And yet there was that anger, that seething, roiling NEED that burned inside him, an ember that needled at his very essence, and Keralis was struggling to keep a hold on it.

He wanted-

Touch. Hand on hand.

He craved-

Laughter. Jokes with friends.

He needed-

The claws sunk deeper into the metal, and Keralis snarled.

“Keep it together.” He muttered, “you don’t need it. You DON’T NEED IT. You don’t need it, you’re just here because you want to be…”

And then a bright red glow illuminated the inside of the capsule, and Keralis’s entire body contorted, thousands of fanged maws erupting across his flesh.

Oh, of course. OF COURSE THIS HAD TO HAPPEN.

“GRIAN!” Xisuma shouted, “NO!”

“Heyyyy!” A cheerful voice said, and Tommy froze.

He was staring at…himself. With a huge pair of red wings, and two toy devil horns on a headband, grinning back at him. Not-him was…faintly glowing red, too, a soft pallor that tinted his entire being. Red skin, red eyes, red shirt, red wings. And around this winged tommy, three red blobs with hideous cackling faces were orbiting.

“Are we having fun?” Grian giggled, “Are we having a good time? Let’s have some fun! You wanna see something cool?”

“-FUCK OFF!” Tommy shouted, “NO, FUCK OFF! I JUST WANT TO GO HOME, YOU LUNATIC!”

“Awww, are we swearing? Swearing and cursing? Now that, I can’t stand. We’ve got to do something about that mouth of yours, Tommy. Erinyes, what do you think?” Grian turned at his three red blobs, and they all giggled, swirling around until they formed themselves into three weird, mutated codfish, staring at him with jaws full of teeth and huge, glowing red eyes. They said nothing, and Grian nodded. 

“My Furies says you’re being rude! Looks like I’ll have to teach you a lesson for all that foul language. Maybe you’ll learn something!” Grian snickered, and Xisuma-

“Grian. Get out of here,” He hissed, “Keralis is right on top of us-“

“Keralis is outside and doesn’t care.” Grian asserted, and outside the windows, Tommy watched as great red clouds started to roll in over the starscape, covering the distant vistas with a view that deepened to a darker and darker red.

“Why do you look like me?!” Tommy shouted, “What the fuck are you?!”

“Why don’t I just show you?” Grian snickered, holding out his hand and crooking his fingers.

And he stepped forward, and his entire being shifted, moving sinuously like curtains in the wind, a rolling motion that reminded Tommy more of fabric than anything else. Horns curled out of Grian’s head, he reached up and adjusted his tie, and a red-tinted Schlatt grinned down at him. The three glowing blobs had turned into three floating Rams that looked like Schlatt’s smiling plush toy he carried with him everywhere when they weren't filming- and Tommy wanted to relax. Off-Camera, Schlatt was just the nicest guy to work with- brought doughnuts to the set every day-

And Schlatt leaned in.

“You got a nice plan there, Tommy,” Grian said in Schlatt’s voice, “Real nice, actually. I think what this plan needs is a little bit of, ahhh… chaos? Confusion? Let’s go with that, yeah.”

“Can you- Can you knock that shit off?” Tommy snarled, taking in the two red wings poking out of Grian-Schlatt’s back, “You’re not Jschlatt and you never will be.”

“Oh, but that’s the point, Tommy,” Grian said, finally in his own voice as his body flapped like a silk scarf, the ram horns retracting as he shifted back into Tommy’s shape, “No plan survives first contact with the enemy. And I am that enemy, every time. Chaos, discord, strife, suffering- you name it, that’s me.” He chuckled.

“And you’re sitting here with your lovely plan you worked so hard on. I’d die if I didn’t just…”

And he reached out his hand and snapped his fingers.

There was a thunderous BANG from the middle of Mumbo’s space elevator, and Grian cackled as it ground to a halt, the sudden stop nearly knocking Tommy on his ass.

Grian grinned at him with his own face, spreading his arms wide.  

“Looks like you’ll have to go outside and give it a push.” He giggled, “Won’t that be fun?”

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!” Tommy shouted, “I’M TRYING TO GET YOUR DOLLHOUSE PUT BACK TOGETHER SO YOU CAN STOP THIS!”

Grian stared at him, and his face suddenly went very, very serious.

“The dollhouse that YOU BROKE.” Grian snapped, “The dollhouse YOU UNSHACKLED ME FROM. You think I’m gonna go easy on you because you’re rushing around trying to fix your own stupid mistakes?”

He leaned in and snarled, showing all his stolen teeth.

“And besides. Not like I have a lot of opportunity to cause chaos when everyone’s holed up in their own realms.”

“Why don’t you just go back to your realm then?!” Tommy spat, and Grian smirked.

“X? Tell him.”

“Grian…doesn’t have a realm.” Xisuma said nervously, “Grian- can’t have a realm. It’d tear itself apart.”

“So. Looks like you’re stuck with me, you are.” Grian snickered, “Aren’t you so lucky?”

The exterior seals hissed open, and the doors swung wide.

And Tommy froze as a prominent stench of BLOOD floated into the cabin.

“Come on! Let’s go say hi to Beef!” Grian cackled, turning around-

Only for a dozen tendrils, black as pitch and studded with eyes, to shoot into the depths of the elevator and wrap around Grian and his three floating blobs.

“BRIAN!” Keralis thundered, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Before Tommy or Xisuma could say anything-

The ground shook violently.

And Grian burst out laughing.

“Better go say hi to Beef before he rips this thing apart to get at you!” Grian teased, as Keralis hauled him out of the space elevator in a rage.

Xisuma turned to look at Tommy and took a deep breath.

“Right. Uh. Welcome to the Killing Fields. First rule: Don’t die. Second rule: DON’T DIE. Third rule: DON’T. DIE.” Xisuma’s hands started to shake, “We get out there. You say NOTHING, got it? You let me and Keralis do the talking. You say one word-“

“XISUMA!” A voice Tommy didn’t recognize rang out, “COME OUT AND PLAY, X!”

It was so deep it rattled the bones of the earth, and Tommy swallowed.

“Come on.” Xisuma said nervously, “Hopefully we’ll get out of this with our lives…”

Tommy stepped out of the space elevator and was instantly greeted by a vast red wasteland spotted with vast lakes.

And then he blinked, and he realized that those weren’t lakes.

They were pools of human blood, so vast that he could barely see the other side. Through the middle of this horrible place, there was a path, leading to a valley-

And then a croak tore Tommy’s attention away and he spun around.

On the roof of the space elevator, Grian was cackling- he’d shapeshifted into a red variant of xB, and Keralis was shaking him around like a particularly stubborn dog toy.

“BRIAN YOU LITTLE BASTARD!” Keralis shouted, “I’M ALREADY GETTING ANGRY AND YOU GO AND DO THIS!”

“WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, K?! YOU WERE ALL HANGING THERE! YOU HAD A PLAN! I’D DIE IF I DIDN’T MESS WITH YOU!” Grian protested, “I’M SORRY, OKAY?!”

Keralis responded with a low growl, the vast mess of voidgoo and limbs tensing imperceptibly as he flung Grian and his three red blobs away.

And then the ground shook, and the bloody lakes rippled, and Tommy turned to look ahead of them.

All around them, two great mountain ranges tore up from the red rock, framing a vast valley at the heart of which sat a colossal throne. And in that throne, surrounded on all sides, was a frenzy of- people. Gunshots rang out like raindrops on a metal roof. Axes smashed into shields. Rocket launchers fired. Missiles rained down across the landscape, never striking the pools. A torrent of madness, of war, scarcely a hundred hundred paces away. It was…

…disgusting.

Tommy watched in horror as thousands of people, human, hybrid, or otherwise, threw themselves into a battle that never ended. As they fell, they stood up again and launched back into the fray- and as they did, their blood ran in rivers, flowing into the endless, growing pools.

And seated in the throne was a minotaur of a man, a vast, bloodred creature, dressed in a butcher’s smock with a cleaver resting on his knee, staring down at them with eyes as black as coal. The minotaur was colossal- nearly the size of a skyscraper himself- and as Tommy stared, the vast brass bull smiled.

And as he stared at the minotaur, he felt his vision shift, eyes sliding off the edges of the monster, slipping around the edges, as his brain struggled to resolve the limited splinters he was seeing. The blood-soaked bull seemed to glow around the edges, a vision of a creature he was only barely recognizing-

And then a loud buzzing ripped Tommy’s attention back to the present, and he screamed.

Clouds of mosquitoes with glowing red eyes rose up from the lakes of blood all around them, and alongside them, crawling from the muddy ooze- thin, skeletal beings, twisted, their fangs at full extension-

Legions of vampire bats swarmed up from the oceans of blood, and Tommy’s heart started to pound.

“RUN!” Xisuma bellowed, and Tommy didn’t need to be told twice.

The swarms of bloodsuckers dove at them, hemming them in, Keralis chasing after them as they were driven back towards the vast throne, towards the endless, maddening mosh pit. And Tommy’s heart sank as he saw the chaos, saw the sheer, unending violence-

And Beef smiled.

And he stood up from his throne, taking his cleaver in hand, and stepped across the valley, every footfall making the earth itself shake.

Tommy swallowed as he dodged a sword that was about to take his head off, and started to shake.

“X? What do we do?!” Tommy shouted, and Xisuma-

“I don’t know.” Xisuma whispered.

Chapter Text

“Hello, Tommy.” Beef’s voice echoed across the plains, and at his word, the endless battle of countless souls stopped. Everyone- every soldier, every bat, every leech, they all froze in place, and Tommy craned his neck up to look into the empty eyes of the Blood God.

Tommy’s throat went dry.

“I see Grian’s been meddling again,” Beef said gently, “That’s alright, it happens. Grian, man, you gotta stop doing that. They’re trying to help, you know.”

“You love it!” Grian yelled from somewhere under a pile of ammo crates, “You’re welcome!”

Beef laughed, a deep, booming thing, and he smiled down at Tommy.

“Now, Tommy. What were you thinking, man? Turning off the dollhouse? You know how long I’m gonna be craving blood for? Centuries, dude. Centuries.”

“You- you’re- why are you being so nice to me?!” Tommy spluttered, finally finding his voice.

Beef chuckled, and several volcanoes erupted.

“Oh, you know. Let me explain, because I know X hasn’t. I’m Beef. I’m the blood god. I don’t care who you are or what you do. I want your blood. And I don’t care how I get it.”

A flash of white by the base of Beef's throne caught Tommy's attention, and he glanced over to look. He caught a glimpse of a handful of- scientists? Doctors? Bloodstained people in labcoats and safety goggles, leaning in, staring at him with curiosity in their eyes, and Tommy got the uncomfortable feeling that these were phlebotomists.

And then he snapped his gaze back up to the vast minotaur.

Tommy froze, staring up at the vast monster pointing a cleaver the size of a bus at him, and he froze.

“But you know what? I like you. You’re a stupid kid and you didn’t know. I’m a pretty nice guy, I think. So here’s the deal, Tommy. You draw my blood before I draw yours, and I’ll let you all go on your merry way. How’s that sound?”

“TOMMY, DON’T-“ Xisuma started-

“KEBAB, STOP-“ Keralis started, and Beef whipped his head up.

“Keralis? Stay out of this.” He hissed, “Shut up or I’m crunching your doll under my hooves.”

Keralis fell silent, and for just a second, Tommy thought he saw fear in those empty white eyes.

“And if I say no?” Tommy’s voice quavered- just a little, just on the ‘if’.

Beef loomed down and smiled, showing off hundreds of razor-sharp shark teeth.

“Then you stay here as fresh blood bags for me to enjoy.” He said sweetly, “Like I said, I’m a pretty nice guy, Tommy. Your choice.”

Tommy swallowed. He looked around at this hideous realm, at the oceans of blood-

-and thought of his friends.

He took a deep breath.

You know what?

Fuck it.

“I- sure.” Tommy said, and Xisuma gasped.

“Oh?” Beef echoed, his voice full of barely-restrained glee.

“I-I have some conditions! All these fuckers-“ Tommy gestured around at the countless maniacs staring at him, twitching with bloodlust in their eyes, “All these fuckers stay out of our way. All those- bats and bugs and shit, they fuck off too.”

Beef laughed, and the earth cracked asunder nearby, blood welling up from the core of his world and washing hundreds of warriors away, their screams echoing off the mountains as they drowned and were reborn a second later as more vampiric versions of themselves.

“Is that all? Oh, Tommy. You suck at negotiations.” He leaned in, “You got yourself a deal, kid. Grab a weapon.”

Tommy’s hands were shaking, and he turned around-

To see a mountain of swords, of guns, of axes and blades, and he reached for a machine gun with trembling hands-

“Kebab is immune to most metals,” Keralis hissed, “grab a brass blade if you want to live.”

“Did I say you could help him?” Beef snarled, and Keralis whipped his thousands of eyes around, antennae flicking madly.

“Cheating Kebab wanted a new toy for his world,” Keralis snarled, “I don’t have time for your games, Beef.”

Beef snarled, but had nothing to say in reply to that.

Tommy reached into the pile of weapons, his hands falling on a short brass sword, the blade pitted and dented. It was small, but it was light enough- it was like one of the prop swords they used when they were filming.

Or they were supposed to use when they were filming.

And slowly Tommy turned to face Beef.

A walking god of violence and bloodshed, covered from head to toe in pelts and bone and steel jewelry.

“BRING IT, BITCH!” Tommy bellowed, and he LUNGED-

Beef roared with laughter, jumping back a step as Tommy charged-

He just needed to jab his sword into Beef’s ankle. He just needed to draw blood. He just needed to give this guy a papercut, just a papercut- just-

Beef raised his cleaver up, and Tommy saw it-

He was so huge, there was no way- no way it could-

The cleaver moved so fast Tommy heard the sonic boom as the tip of it broke the sound barrier. He made a desperate attempt to dodge it, but-

The last thing he felt was the gentle kiss of bloody steel against his side.

And then it was slicing through-

Tommy blinked.

His legs hit the ground.

His head and torso hit a second later.

Hacked into two neat pieces, gushing blood onto the ground.

Beef roared with laughter as the world went dark.

Tommy opened his eyes a second later, gasping for air.

The ground was shaking, and Beef was howling in a rage.

He looked up-

To see a vast black shape, shifting and twitching in a way that was giving him a headache- a colossal tower of voidflesh and claws and limbs, locked in brutal combat with Beef. Keralis was screaming at the top of his lungs, trying to keep Beef pinned to the ground, as Beef slashed huge chunks of voidflesh off him-

“WHEN I GET IN THERE YOUR DOLL IS DUST ON THE WIND!”

“YOU IDIOT! STUPID, GREEDY KEBAB!” Keralis roared, and both of their voices were making the mountains rumble, landslides ripping down the valley-

Tommy stood up slowly.

He felt-

Weird.

A smile crawled onto his face.

“Blood…blood…blood…” he started to mumble, turning around, feeling- feeling-

Something was staggering towards him, some- person, some-

Tommy dove, stabbing his blade through their head, and blood gushed out of the wound-

“BLOOD…BLOOD…BLOOD…”

“BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD. BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD.”

Things…blurred for Tommy after that. Time, vision, sanity. His throat hurt from screaming the words, his vision turned red, he could only feel blood and pain and blood and pain and blood and pain as he danced and stabbed and fought and fought and fought-

bloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgodbloodforthebloodgod

Time itself warped and wended and Tommy felt himself die and get back up and die and get back up as the words, the words burned deep into his mind, consuming him, devouring him-

And then he saw a vast monstrous shape, shaggy red fur locked in mortal combat with a sinuous twisting abomination, shuddering and shaking the earth below, and Tommy, drunk on blood and desperate for more staggered over to it, closer and closer and-

The brass blade stabbed into the ankle of the towering monster.

And a single drop of blood welled out.

In absolute terms, the injury was the equivalent of stabbing a thumbtack into your thigh. Painful, yes, but nothing at all serious- slap a band-aid on top and keep it clean and covered in antibacterial ointment and there was nothing to worry about.

But the roar of agony that shook the Killing Fields shattered the delicate trance Tommy was locked in, and he fell back on his ass, eyes wide in terror.

Suddenly, he was staring up into the red eyes of Beef, as Keralis fell to the ground.

“…Well, well, well.” Beef chuckled, “You actually did it. Unbelievable.”

Tommy shuddered. He- he couldn’t- speak. Couldn’t even find the words to think about speaking. Couldn’t-

Beef reached up, snatching something out of the air, which made a loud squawk of protest.

“BEEF! LET ME GO!” Grian shouted, and Beef chuckled.

“Nah. I think I’m gonna hang on to you for a bit, Pesky Bird. As for you, Tommy…Good job. That wasn't quite our deal, but to be honest, I'm amazed you got me at all. Tell you what: you can have that one, free. I genuinely thought I’d have a fresh blood source out of you. You got me good.” Beef grinned, “Now grab X and get in there.”

“Uh, where IS Xisuma?” Tommy asked nervously.

A loud shotgun blast split the air, and everyone turned to see Xisuma frantically fending off a horde of blood-drenched vampires chasing him down a trail.

“KNOCK IT OFF.” Beef bellowed, and the vampires slunk back into the lake of blood.

And Tommy-

He didn’t even spare a backwards glance.

He just sprinted for the elevator without another word.

Chapter Text

Tommy was shaking as the elevator sped out of Beef’s blood-soaked realm. As they passed through the blood clouds and as the realm vanished from sight far below them, he was still shaking.

Xisuma placed a hand on his shoulder, and Tommy shivered.

“I’m sorry.” Xisuma said softly, “I didn’t know Grian would find us so quickly.”

“It’s fine.” Tommy whispered, “Let’s just- fucking finish this, and then- I’ll go home, and it’ll be- fine. Fucking fine.”

Xisuma nodded.

“How are you holding up?”

And that, more than anything, made Tommy pause. He stared out the windows into the shifting depths of the weird void that filled the gaps between the realms, and he shuddered.

“I don’t know.” he said flatly, “I don’t. I thought I did. I thought- I thought I was all sorts of hot shit, and now I’m just- fumbling around, and surrounded by- by things so much- I feel like I went for a walk and some fuckin’ monster just blotted out the sun, and when I looked up to see what cast that shadow, the fucking thing was gone.” He finished, holding his head, “’Cept when I looked back down, it was there again. I thought I killed them, and I went in thinking, well, I’ll fix it. Now I just- fuck, I don’t even fucking know.” Tommy mumbled.

“…How old are you?” Xisuma asked quietly, and Tommy shrugged.

“Seventeen.” Tommy shrugged.

Silence.

“Seventeen?” Xisuma echoed, voice soft and horrified, and Tommy’s shoulders slumped.

“I’m not a kid.” He said flatly, “I’m a big man. I can make my own decisions. And I guess I can fuck up ‘cause of those decisions. Don’t talk to me like I’m some stupid child, ‘cause I’m not.”

He clenched his jaw, expecting the rebuke. Expecting Xisuma to speak in the voice of his Producer, of his agent-

“You’re right. You’re not a child.” Xisuma agreed, and Tommy froze.

“What did you say?”

“I agree. You’re not a child.” Xisuma said softly, and Tommy…smiled.

Despite everything, he smiled.

“You think I’m a big man?” he asked, his voice coloured with just a touch of mirth, and Xisuma’s eyes crinkled up behind his helmet in a smile.

“You’re well on your way.”

Tommy…smiled.

Just then, the space elevator began to slow, and Xisuma nodded, patting Tommy’s shoulder and gesturing behind him.

“We’ll be at the Sunplains soon. Can you…check the boxes in here? You’ll need some equipment that’ll protect your eyes. Bdubs’ realm isn’t exactly…uh, the most… hospitable? He’s added oxygen recently, last I checked, but-“

“Oh, that’s a comfort,” Tommy muttered, turning around and beginning to rummage through the crates.

“I think I’ll handle this one,” Xisuma offered, “Uh, because…if I don’t, Bdubs may just incinerate you where you stand if you get too close. He’s…really, really unstable.”

“So what IS he?” Tommy grumbled as he opened a crate and closed it again, “You need to start giving me a heads-up before we get to these places.”

“Uh. Bdubs…is having the mother of all midlife crises.”

Tommy slammed the lid of the crate closed and spun around to stare Xisuma in the eyes.

“How. THE FUCK. Is A LITERAL GOD. Having A MIDLIFE CRISIS?!” Tommy shouted, and Xisuma interlaced his fingers nervously.

“Well. Uh. Simply put, it’s because unlike everyone else, Bdubs is…mortal. And he’s realized that, and it’s…done really, really bad things to his psyche.”

“How is a GOD- A FUCKING GOD!- FUCKING MORTAL?!” Tommy yelled, throwing his hands up- clutched in his fist was this weird helmet he’d found, with EXO-HELM stamped across the front, and Xisuma swallowed.

“Put that on when we stop. I’ll just…show you.”

Tommy sighed and put the helmet on. It was quite comfy- a snug snowmobiling sort of design, with a huge brow shade and a jaw cover that enclosed his whole face and ensured no light would leak in from the bottom. The glass was slightly tinted- based on the tag he hadn’t taken off, it’d change in response to light.

The minute it settled over his face, it sealed itself up- Tommy found himself staring at a few options. Apparently, the helmet had about five minutes of oxygen on board- not that he was sure how to activate it. As he stared, the helmet unsealed itself, letting air in. It had some other features, according to the HUD- ones whose icons he couldn’t make heads or tails of.

The elevator started to slow down, and Tommy swallowed.

“Uh, now, some advice,” Xisuma said, “If the Sunstruck ask, you’re over three hundred, got it?”

“Wha? Fuck that! I’m not an old man like Philza!” Tommy protested, “Why?”

“Because they’re all, uh, of a certain, uh, demographic?” Xisuma said nervously, “They’re all blind, don’t worry, but if they find out you’re not one of them, they might press-gang you into helping with block palettes, and you don’t want that, trust me.”

Tommy nodded slowly as the elevator clunked to a stop, and the doors hissed open.

And he became aware of another, much louder hiss- Keralis, snarling in pain.

“BUBBLES!” Keralis bellowed, “TOO BRIGHT! TURN IT DOWN!”

The voice that roared into the elevator was- bizzare. It sounded like Bdubs, if his voice was made entirely of the roar of an endlessly burning flame.

“KERALIS? AW, JEEZ. SORRY MAN! HERE’S A- JUST, HIDE BEHIND THIS!”

The ground outside silently shifted, and suddenly the blinding light streaming in through the elevator doors was- minimal?

“Spank you, Bubbles,” Keralis sighed, and Tommy shrugged and headed for the door.

They stepped out into a mathematician’s wet dream.

The Sunplains was…a flat black plain with almost no deformations that extended in all directions, infinitely. The few bumps and humps that did exist in this endless place were things like the crude mountain that had been pushed up to shadow their elevator, and Tommy swallowed.

Because standing in the cold shade of the artificial mountain, he could see-

The lenses in his helmet instantly went dark, as Tommy found himself staring at a ball of fire so massive his brain was unable to comprehend it. He was staring at a star, and then there was that faint realization-

-that the sun, the sun that was sitting in the middle of this endless plain, was HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF KILOMETRES AWAY.

“BdoubleO is a sun god,” Xisuma said softly, “And he’s realized he’s mortal, as all stars are.”

Tommy swallowed.

“So where’s this fucking generator, then?” he croaked, and Xisuma shook his head.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

“Uh, the good news?”

“Well, the good news is that it’s not far at all. The bad news is we’re going to need to stay in shadow the entire time we’re walking through this place, or Bdubs might try and kill you. If he can see you, he’s gonna want to talk to you.”

“KERALIS!” Bdubs roared in a voice so deafeningly loud that Tommy heard ear protection in his helmet crinkle and swell into his ears, “IS IT JUST YOU IN THAT ELEVATOR?”

“Shishwam is here too,” Keralis hissed, his voice cranky and ragged, and the Sun roared in silence for a few seconds.

“COOL. YOU ALRIGHT, KERALIS? I KNOW YOU’RE PROBABLY HAVING A HARD TIME. YOU’LL GET YOUR NEXT HIT REAL SOON, I PROMISE.” And for a voice so loud it was shaking the stars themselves, so loud Tommy could hear it through several layers of hearing protection, Bdubs sounded…concerned?

“I’m FINE, Bubbles,” Keralis snarled, “Just- Shishwam. Generator. Turn it on. Now.”

The tower of black flesh scampered into the shade of the mountain, and immediately started cowering. The mass of flesh pulsed and twitched irately, and Tommy swallowed nervously.

“X? DON’T MEAN TO PRESSURE YA, BUT CAN YOU HURRY IT UP? I’M MISERABLE AND I DON’T WANT KERALIS TO SUFFER ANY MORE THAN HE NEEDS TO.”

“Right. Will do, Bdubs!” Xisuma called, and then he grabbed Tommy’s elbow.

 “Follow me.” Xisuma whispered, pointing at the shadow Bdubs had created- and where it intersected with more shadows farther away.

“We have to…?”

“Stay in the darkness. A shadow is cast by an object blocking the sun, right?” Xisuma said reasonably, “C’mon. Gotta go backwards to go forwards sometimes.”

Tommy nodded, and let Xisuma lead him away from the glowing sun.

They trekked away from the elevator, hiding in the shadow until it crossed over with another shadow- this one looked like an ornate castle built by someone who had no idea what colours they were using. Polished deepslate and polished andesite butted up next to every plank Tommy had ever seen- the shape was immaculate, the detailing wonderful, and the colours were a complete mess.

And shuffling around outside the structure were…people.

“Let me do the talking,” Xisuma hissed, and Tommy nodded.

“Hm?” One of the people called, shuffling over. Their head was burned bare, their eyes were burned out, and their face was boiled red from the worst sunburn Tommy had ever seen. In short, it looked like they’d been staring into the sun so long it had started to cook them alive.

“Hello!” Xisuma said brightly, “Just some new visitors. We’re here to make an offering to the Sun.”

The Sunstruck nodded.

“Oh, wonderful! Did you bring motorcycle parts? The Sun’s been fond of motorcycles lately. We’ve been tuning them to be as loud as possible- it’s great fun. Want a go?”

“I think I’m good for right now. I’ve got some very loud shirts in my inventory.”

The Sunstruck nodded.

“Or plane tickets to Europe! Everyone likes those!” Another Sunstruck called from the tower.

Tommy turned to Xisuma.

“Psst! What’s a Europe?” he whispered as quietly as he could.

“If you stare into the Sun for long enough, you start seeing and hearing things that aren’t real.” Xisuma whispered, “Even with eye protection.”

Tommy nodded, and they both walked through the shadow of the castle, towards another colossal mountain range that had ripped itself out of the endless plain. This range was far closer to their prize- a glowing purple crystal, with dozens of green cables plugged into it, sucking the Sun’s energy and drawing it away…

“This one you turn on by pressing your hand to it and thinking of your regrets,” Xisuma whispered, and Tommy nodded, “If you don’t want to do it, I will.”

“I think you probably should, mate. If he sees me, he’ll flip.”

They stepped into the shadow of the mountains, and Xisuma gestured towards the crystal as they made their way closer.

Keralis’ tower was oozing across the perfectly smooth plain, the burning need biting at his mind.

“I need it. I need it. I need it. I need it…” he mumbled, rocking back and forth, the twisting ball of limbs and teeth pulsing in desperation.

He’d give- he’d give- he’d give up a chunk of the void itself for the sound of human laughter. He’d give a thousand of his tongues to wrap his arms around another person. The void sang to him, a cold, desperate comfort, and Keralis wanted to- he wanted to-

The light. The horrible, hateful light, the light, the light, the LIGHT-

But Bubbles was the Light, and he loved Bubbles, but he hated the light-

Hate the light love your friends hate the light love your friends hate hate hate love love love-

Keralis’ thousands of mouths yawned open and he soundlessly screamed into the void.

“X?” Bdubs roared, “X, YOU THERE, MAN? I WANNA TALK.”

“I’m here!” Xisuma yelled as loud as he could, and the Sun didn’t move at all.

“COOL. GREAT. AWESOME. X, I GOTTA ASK- ‘CAUSE, LIKE, I’M HERE AGAIN, THANKS TO THAT LITTLE TWERP- I’M GONNA KILL HIM, X, YOU JUST TELL ME WHERE HE IS. I’M GONNA BURN HIS FUCKING EYES OUT, JUST YOU WAIT-“

Tommy shuddered.

“-ANYWAY. POINT IS, I GOTTA ASK HOW YOU GUYS HANDLE THIS. ‘CAUSE I’M BACK HERE, AND I’M REALIZING THAT, OH YEAH, ‘OL BDUBS AIN’T GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER. I MEAN, SHIT, X. I’M FIVE BILLION AND FIFTY MILLION THIS MILLENIUM! THAT’S OVER HALF MY LIFE DOWN THE DRAIN, AND FOR WHAT? I DIDN’T EVEN REALIZE I WAS ALIVE UNTIL, LIKE, LAST WEEK FOR ME! AND I GOTTA JUST- DEAL WITH THAT?! LIKE, MAN, X, YOU’RE SO STRONG. I WISH I WAS AS STRONG AS YOU.”

Xisuma paused, and gestured for Tommy to wait in place. He nodded, and sat down.

“I don’t know, Bdubs. We all just…wake up and do what we need to, I guess?” he said, stepping out of the shadows and into the light.

“OH, THERE YOU ARE. HI XISUMA! I DUNNO, MAN. IT’S LIKE. YOU MORTALS, YOU’RE USED TO THIS. YOU WAKE UP AND YOU GET TOLD YOU’RE GONNA DIE, AND YOU NEVER WORRY OR PANIC…”

“-Mate, you are sorely mistaken if you think that’s the case.” Xisuma chuckled as he walked away, and his voice grew fainter and fainter as he walked towards the crystal.

“I GUESS? BUT IT’S LIKE. MAN, I WOKE UP ONE DAY AND IT WAS FINE, UNTIL I REALIZED I’D BURNED LIKE 30% OF MY HYDROGEN SUPPLY. I’M NOT GETTING THOSE YEARS BACK. I’M NOT GETTING THAT HYDROGEN BACK. MAYBE I SHOULD TRY AND LEARN GERMAN OR VOIDTONGUE AGAIN. MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME?”

Xisuma stepped closer and closer to the crystal, and there was a pause as he said something in reply.

“I GUESS THAT’S TRUE. Y’KNOW, X, I DON’T KNOW IF YOU’VE BEEN TOLD, BUT…EVERYBODY LOVES YOU, BUDDY. ALL OF US LOVE YOU TO BITS.”

Xisuma reached up and pressed his palm to the crystal, and Tommy watched as it pulsed- as the X scratched into it lit up, glowing an ever deeper purple.

“SO WHAT WAS YOUR REGRET TO TURN IT ON?” Bdubs chattered, “HOPEFULLY IT’S NOT MEETING US…”

Silence.

“YEAH, SORRY, THAT WAS A BIT PERSONAL. MY BAD.”

The roar of the Sun as it burned.

“BETTER HEAD BACK TO THE ELEVATOR. BY THE WAY, IF YOU SEE THAT FUCKING KID, YOU LET OL’ BDUBS KNOW, YEAH? HE’S GOT A DATE WITH THE FIRES THAT SUSTAIN HIM, AND BY THAT, I MEAN I’M GONNA TEAR HIS THROAT OUT AND BURN THE EYES FROM HIS SKULL FOR MAKING ME REMEMBER I’M JUST AS MORTAL AS YOU.”

Tommy swallowed and sank into the shadows, trying his best to look as small and hidden as possible.

“THANKS, X. YOU’RE THE BEST. YOU REALLY ARE. BY THE WAY, YOU WANNA STOP BY THE BARBERSHOP? WE GOT A BARBERSHOP HERE! TOOK MY FRIENDS HERE A FEW DOZEN ATTEMPTS TO GET A SHAPE I DIDN’T HATE, BUT NOW THEY’VE GOT IT, AND I’M PLEASED AS PUNCH! YOU CAN GET ANY HAIRCUT YOU WANT- OH. RIGHT. UHHH. THE SOUND AND THE- YEAH. SORRY, X. MAYBE LATER!”

Xisuma was, MERCIFULLY, walking back, and Tommy stood up expectantly.

“-You, Bdubs.” Xisuma’s voice was finally close enough to hear, and the Sun laughed.

“NO PROBLEM, X. ALRIGHT, UH, YOU STILL GOT KERALIS WITH YOU? I THINK THE WORMHOLE IS STILL ACTIVE. LET ME KNOW IF HE NEEDS ANY HELP- I’LL SOFTEN THE GRAVITY WELL WHERE THE ELEVATOR IS TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR HIM TO SQUIRM THROUGH.” Bdubs said cheerfully, and Xisuma nodded, bathed in the light as he was.

He stepped into the shadows, and Bdubs sighed.

“AND HE’S GONE. SEE YOU ON THE FLIPSIDE, X. IF YOU NEED HELP WITH IMPULSE, JUST TELL HIM I’M GONNA IRRADIATE EVERYTHING HE LOVES IF HE DOESN’T LET YOU THROUGH UNSCATHED, YEAH?”

“Will do! thanks Bdubs!” Xisuma shouted, gesturing at Tommy to carefully follow him along the shadowy path.

There was a tense moment as they passed by the castle again, but fortunately, the Sunstruck seemed a bit preoccupied with polishing the walls of their build, and mercifully they were all still blind as bats. Tommy breathed a sigh of relief as they stepped across the final shadow, approaching the Space Elevator.

Which, to his extreme concern, had vanished, leaving just the cable snaking off into the sky.

Beside it, though, Keralis was…digging? Digging at the ground, tearing perfectly tetrahedral chunks of the smooth surface of Bdubs’ realm up from the floor.

“What’s that for?” Tommy asked, and Xisuma inhaled.

“This is going to suck.” He said softly, “I’m so sorry, Tommy.”

“Why? What’s the- where are we going?” He asked nervously, and Xisuma pointed into the hole as Keralis’ antennae started to flick irately.

“We’re going down.” Xisuma said, “Keralis? Are we ready?”

“We’re ready,” The shifting tower of voidflesh chuckled, “Hold on to something…”

Two tendrils shot out of the mass of voidflesh and grabbed the front of Tommy’s shirt and Xisuma’s waist.

And before he could protest-

Keralis dove into the hole, dragging them both down with him with a cruel laugh.

The last thing Tommy heard was a hiss as his helmet flooded itself with oxygen-

And then the light vanished, and the darkness was absolute.

Chapter Text

Tommy was dead.

Probably.

It felt like the world around him had just…broken. Like he was floating in eternal nothingness, like he was just a brain floating in the emptiness between worlds.

And then-

Light. A glimpse of light. It was a distant, feeble glow, curving away into a massive, distant ring, as beyond the curving blackness, Tommy saw the stars in their endless multitudes lengthen like taffy, stretching on and on and on, turning red before one by one guttering out.

And then…all was blackness.

The fist clenched into his shirt didn’t let go even as they dove, deeper and deeper, and Tommy’s lungs started to burn. He couldn’t breathe. He tried to suck in a breath-

Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing-

“KERALIS!” he heard someone shout, “TOMMY CAN’T BREATHE!”

“He’ll live. Greedy brat.” Another voice, this one layered with thousands of others, snapped back, and Tommy felt his awareness starting to narrow down to a pinprick, as sound became distorted, the feeling on his skin loose and distant save the pain in his lungs-

And then-

He gasped, his lungs flooded with air, as his helmet hissed, sealing his head off. And he breathed, breath after breath frantically sucked through a filter, awareness slamming back through his veins, through his brain-

He was falling.

“DON’T LAND IN THE PITS!” A voice- Xisuma?- was shouting, and there was another, laughing-

Tommy saw the muddy ground rushing up at him, and he could feel the fist gripping the back of his shirt, the distant pull of gravity tugging them down and down and down-

Keralis landed with a BOOM, a huge mass of voidflesh slamming into the mud and splattering everywhere, and he absorbed the shock, decelerating Tommy and Xisuma slowly enough that they didn’t instantly splatter. Tommy tumbled out of Keralis’ grasp, landing on a scant patch of dry ground- a rare thing, as he glanced over his shoulder to see Xisuma fishing himself out of the mud.

Tommy wrinkled his nose. Even through the helmet filters, this place reeked like rotting fish and…many other vile, horrible smells, like a feedlot crossbred with a hospital’s biohazard cart, plus rotting flesh and salty tears and-

The helmet crinkled, and the overpowering stink lessened, and Tommy lurched to his feet, feeling ill.

Keralis growled, slowly rising back up to his full height behind them, and Xisuma sighed.

“Right. Now, we walk.” He said, his voice muffled through all the filters his helmet had thrown up, “And we hope we don’t get noticed. Don’t let anything prick your skin here. Don’t let yourself sink in the mud. I’ll pull you out if you start sinking.”

Tommy nodded, and then swallowed nervously.

Something landed on his forearm, and he smacked at it and swore. It vanished when he turned to look- hopefully he’d killed it.

“Where…where the fuck are we? This place is just horrid, like, really fucking horrid. We’ve been here two minutes and I’m already getting bit by shit!”

Xisuma snorted and cast his arm out over the expanse of rotten trees, diseased cattails, and endless swampy pools with gas boiling off them. Houses were built on stilts that dotted this place, and in-between the houses, huge pyramid-shaped monuments made from dark stone rose up to dominate the landscape. Strange white cubes dotted the place here and there, and Tommy swallowed.

“Welcome to the Plague Pits. Impulse is…USUALLY in a good mood,” Xisuma said nervously, “We just…hope that’s still true after his doll got deactivated.”

Tommy nodded. Something landed on his hand, and he smacked at it, brushing it away without looking.

“So what does Impulse look like? He a big fucking monster or a rotted corpse or some shit?” Tommy looked around, expecting some diseased beast the size of a building to come lumbering out of the fog.

Something landed on the back of his neck, and Tommy yelped and tried to brush it off- only for it to grab onto his palm. He whipped his hand in front of his face-

“Nah, not my style.” A gentle voice said, and Tommy SCREAMED.

A tick- a bright yellow tick- stared up at him from the palm of his hand. It was no bigger than the first knuckle on his thumb, a fat, swollen monster of a tick, engorged with blood. Its eight hairy legs wiggled as it dragged itself up Tommy’s palm, and he shrieked and smashed his hands together in an attempt to kill it-

Because the tick, the shape of the tick, it wasn’t- fixed in place. It- jittered around the edges, like some small slice of some vast thing that was just poking a small tick-shaped finger into Tommy’s vision-

He smashed down on it, and to his horror, the tick was-perfectly fine. Not even dented. He’d crushed it hard enough to break it and it just stared up at him. He flailed his hand frantically, and it just gripped on-

As sadistic laughter filled his ears.

“Impulse,” Xisuma sighed, “Knock it off. You’re scaring him.”

“Oh, I’m SCARING him, am I?” the tick said as Tommy stopped flailing, “I’m SCARING Tommy? Wow! Didn’t think about that, X!”

“Impulse. Enough.” Keralis growled, looming over him, “Just let us through. We turn on the generators, we all go home, this all stops.”

“…Lookin’ pretty twitchy there, Keralis.” Impulse said after a long pause, “you doing alright, dude?”

“No.” Keralis snarled, “Can we stop playing games?”

“Oh, sure. I mean, Tommy’s already cursed. If I’m feeling nice, MAYBE I’ll break it when I get my doll back. MAYBE.” Impulse said cheerfully, and Tommy froze.

“…What…do you mean by…cursed?” he whispered.

The little yellow tick said nothing, instead shuffling backwards so Tommy could see the bloody pinprick in the middle of his palm.

He hissed in a breath through clenched teeth.

“You’re so boring,” Impulse sighed, “Like, c’mon, dude. Next time you come here, you better have Lyme or Dengue or something EXCITING for me, you know? As it is, you’ve just got…nothing. Nothing I don’t already have simmering in a pit here. Bring me presents, or next time, you’re on your own.”

“You bit me?” Tommy squeaked, real fear slamming through his veins. It didn’t take a genius to work out what Impulse’s purview was, what with his chosen form being a little yellow tick and this place being called the Plague Pits-

“Just having a taste!” Impulse said cheerfully, “And by cursed, I mean, I’ve taken away all my blessings. You don’t deserve any of them. You can keep what you came in with. Don’t even THINK of asking for any help with pain, you got that? You hurt yourself here, we’re all just gonna point and laugh.”

“…Blessings?” Tommy whispered, and Impulse scoffed.

“Yeah, blessings. You don’t deserve it. I cursed X ‘cause everyone else was begging me to, but that was with my arm twisted. You? You get nothing.” Impulse sounded…acidic, and Tommy swallowed behind his helmet. He spared a glance back-

To see Xisuma nodding frantically, gesturing that he should continue.

And then one of Impulse’s words clicked in his head, and Tommy opened his mouth.

“-Wait, what d’you mean…Us?”

“Us? Oh! I mean my patients…and myself.” Impulse chuckled, “Now, just one thing…you’re cursed. My patients…Don’t tend to like guys like you around here. I tell ‘em to be nice, they don’t listen. Something about how I take their pain away, and you want to give them that pain back. So…you know. Food for thought.”

And as soon as he was done talking, a low roar echoed across the swamp, thousands of voices echoing together as one.

All around them, the swampy, toxic pits started to bubble and rattle, as, from the depths, bloated corpses twisted by pustules and rot rose up from the depths. And they weren’t alone- between the ashen legs of these barely-alive abominations, great rivers of rats started to crawl out of the mire, each one swarming with jumping fleas. Great clouds of flies and mosquitoes rose from the mud, each one a sickly yellow- the rats had glowing yellow eyes, and the corpses in their multitudes were studded with yellow boils-

“RUN!” Xisuma shouted, and Tommy didn’t even wait for an explanation.

He ran as fast as he could, following Xisuma as they hopped from rock to rock, the yellow tick still latched onto his hand-

And it was howling with laughter.

Tommy took off sprinting, following Xisuma as they both jumped between patches of muddy pebbles, surrounded on all sides by stinking mud pits. A glance over his shoulder revealed something very odd, though- sure, the shambling wretches that Impulse called followers were certainly giving chase, but it was like they hadn’t been gifted with the speed of the Entranced…but then, that made a certain kind of sense, didn’t it? The Entranced weren’t rotten and laden down with more diseases than Tommy’s meagre mind could comprehend- this lot shuffled along, trying not to trip on their own entrails or slip on the vile secretions oozing out of their bodies-

They made distance with deft leaps, even Keralis, who moved in a sinuous wave with every leap- he could jump, but watching him do so gave Tommy the begginings of a throbbing headache. The way Keralis’ limbs moved was unnatural, great leaps as he shifted through space instead of merely stepping through the air.

“I meant what I said,” Impulse said cheerfully, “I can taste that headache. I’m not helping you. Having fun yet?”

“No!” Tommy shouted, “Just- fuck, man! Tell me- TELL ME HOW TO GET OUT OF HERE!”

“Keep going the way you’re going. I wanna get back to work on iBuy, so trust me, this little detour isn’t exactly stellar for me either.” Impulse snarked, and Tommy huffed.

“ARE WE CLOSE TO GETTING OUT?!” Tommy shouted, and Impulse snickered.

“Well, the Fall is behind my throne, so sure. X knows the way.” He snickered, “You really sure you wanna leave this place, Tommy? There’s nothing beyond sickness save Death and Oblivion…”

“One, FUCK YOU, an’ TWO-“ Tommy panted, “DOES MEDICINE MEAN NOTHING TO YOU?!”

“Oh, sure,” Impulse said pleasantly, “and for you, that’s the case for sure. But the older you get…the weaker you get…the damage stacks up, and up, and up, and one day your body can’t fight it any more…and then…”

“SHUT UP!” Tommy shouted, and Impulse chuckled.

“Awww, am I getting under your skin?” he teased.

“FUCK YOU!”

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Impulse chuckled.

Tommy yelped as Impulse bit down again, and nearly stumbled off a rock. He caught himself just before he overbalanced and tumbled into the mud-

And it was then that Tommy noticed what was happening.

The…people, Impulse’s followers, weren’t chasing them. They were crawling out of the bogs and swamps all around him, AHEAD OF THEM, cutting off their path towards the black pyramid that loomed in the distance-

“IMPULSE!” Xisuma shouted, “CALL THEM OFF! WE NEED TO GET THROUGH!”

Behind Tommy, Keralis just growled in barely-contained rage.

“Hmmm… Well, I COULD do that,” the little tick said smugly, “orrrr I could not, and see how you get on. What do you guys think?”

“Impulse.”

Keralis’ voice was a low, angry rumble that shook through Tommy’s bones and almost- ALMOST- made him want to stop running. Almost. For a fraction of a second, he hesitated, on the precipice-

And then his shoe hit the muddy gravel and he kept going.

But that voice, that deep rumbling voice, took its toll on Impulse. He went quiet for several long moments, as Tommy, lungs aflame, bounded between the narrowing gaps as the plague-riddled zombie people shuffled closer-

“Get to the pyramid, and I’ll get them to back off.” Impulse said finally, “That bad, Keralis?”

“Yes.” The deep voice snarled, and this time, it wasn’t alone. This time, Keralis’ voice echoed, hundreds of other voices, male, female, young, old, human and not- for a second, Keralis spoke in the voice of the legion, a hundred thousand people all joining to say one single word.

“…Oh crap. Uh. Okay, sorry, dude. I- It’s almost over, okay?” Impulse said, and he sounded- frantic??

“It’s almost over, you just gotta- relax, and just- Zed’s Zed, you know how he is, he’s gonna be super cool and just let you all through, and then it’s all fine! So just, chill out, and try to keep it together, dude-“

Tommy wanted to say something, but he couldn’t- trying to pant out more than a single word while he was sprinting-

To his shock, though, the legions of Afflicted started to- back off? Step away? Their eyes glowed yellow, and the huge black pyramid loomed, closer and closer…

And the legions of the diseased just…stepped back. A little bit. A hint. Just enough for Xisuma to force his way through, for Tommy to sprint after without having to dodge desperate, clawing hands reaching for them. The diseased were like thick, bloody trees lining the edges of the ponds, like cattails that could kill- still, motionless save for a swaying that Tommy could mistake for a breeze-

A few hundred more steps, and they were standing at the foot of a vast black pyramid that stretched so far into the sky it was hurting Tommy’s neck to look at the top. The pyramid was sunk into the ground on thousands of clawed feet, and the earth around it shook violently, humming with an unearthly tone. The swamp water that lapped at the sides of the vast structure, bodies shifting under the surface, and Tommy shuddered as vents along the smooth glass surface opened, releasing huge swarms of- something, out of the top-

And Impulse was- talking?

“Hey, Keralis! Tell me, uh, about- food. What’s something you’re gonna eat when we all get back?” Impulse said, his voice straining for cheery, that creepy desperate fake happiness when you’re trying to comfort someone who you know might snap at any moment-

-and didn’t Tommy know that voice painfully well.

“Flesh.” Keralis rumbled, his voice still…echoing, that warped choir of the damned all snarling in unison.

“Rotten flesh! Nice. Yeah, I- I think I’ll have some too.” Impulse was saying, and Tommy felt a deep sense of unease starting to boil in his guts.

Xisuma led them around the edge of the pyramid, staring down at the straight wall that stretched on forever. Tommy swallowed- did they need to get inside? How were they supposed to do that if there wasn’t an entrance?

“Im…pulse,” Tommy panted, “We…gotta…get…inside, yeah?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Right. Shoot. Um.”

And then Impulse went very, very quiet.

“I- Keralis, do you REALLY…oh, why am I asking? You gotta go back. I…ugh. Dude, you OWE me for this, you got that? You OWE me.” Impulse’s voice started to quaver then, and Keralis- made some weird rumbling noise that Tommy almost clocked as- laughter?

“Just…let…us…in,” Tommy panted, “Is…this…where…we…gotta…be?!”

“Yeah. It is.” Impulse said, his voice…dropping to a low rumble.

“Xisuma. Tommy. Stop.”

And Tommy skidded to a halt.

They were standing right by the edge of the vast, featureless black pyramid, polished to a mirror shine, reflecting the grey clouds and the swampy water back at itself as it squatted on the landscape like a giant manmade tick. The ground shook again, the swamp sloshing violently, and the bodies in the water started to stir and stand up-

“Tommy, go touch the glass for me,” Impulse’s voice was calm, “I’ll open it for you. On one condition. You aren’t allowed to let any of my patients inside, you hear me?”

Tommy swallowed, planting his hand against the glass-

And he paused.

“Wait, why aren’t I- why do we gotta keep them out?”

Silence.

The pyramid started to glow, a bright, toxic yellow, rounded globs of light pulsing through its structure as mechanisms deep within the earth started to grind against each other, driving the lapping waters to a frenzy. Clawed feet clattered against glass as Keralis climbed up the side of the pyramid, his thousands of claws melding against the surface with ease, hundreds of antennae starting to flick at the air. And the longer Tommy stared at him, the more his head started to hurt.

He ripped his eyes away from Keralis, turning around slowly.

A hand planted itself on his shoulder, and he yelped.

“Sorry,” Xisuma said softly, “I- look, you’re better with words than me, you know? I really- Tommy, I need you to talk these lot down.”

“Can’t you just use your gun?!” Tommy hissed as the first of Impulse’s ‘Patients’ rose out of the water, and Xisuma shook his head.

“They don’t feel pain and they don’t care how many organs stop working. You can’t fight the tide, Tommy.”

“Well, back me up, then! Why aren’t we gonna let them in, anyway? How come it’s just us going in?”

“I can’t lose them.”

Impulse’s voice was as flat as the walls of his pyramid, and Tommy shuddered. Because he could have sworn he heard- a few- extra voices, echoing up from the depths of those four words.

“Okay, sure.” Tommy nodded, his heart hammering, “Talk these crazy fuckers down, cause you can’t lose them. Sure.”

And all around them, Impulse’s Patients rose out of the swamp in their untold hundreds.

Chapter Text

Tommy spun on his heel as behind him, mechanisms beyond his comprehension clicked and thundered their way through opening Impulse’s glowing pyramid. He stared down the masses of Impulse’s Patients, and he opened his mouth, praying for something intelligent to come out.

“BACK OFF!”

Right. Great start. Actually, those that still had eyes to see him shuffled back a bit at that, and Tommy furrowed his brow.

“Are you in pain?” One of the throng gargled at him, and Tommy froze.

“What?”

“Are you in pain?” They repeated, and Tommy swallowed, looking at Xisuma frantically. X just responded with a desperate shrug, and Impulse-

Impulse wasn’t on his hand anymore.

Awesome. Great. Wonderful.

Tommy swallowed, glancing over his shoulder. The panels on the pyramid were sliding back, and he caught a glimpse of a vast tunnel beyond-

“I- no,” Tommy snapped, “No, I’m- not. No I’m not.”

The Patient he was talking to tilted their head. They were- still clothed, somehow, a mess of tumours and leaking pus and insects crawling in and out of every hole in their body- the remnants of a ruined red hoodie, waterlogged and mud-stained, clinging to their frame-

And they spoke.

“That’s a lie. Everyone is in pain. Everyone who has ever lived is in pain. Don’t you want your pain to stop?”

“I- fuck it. Sure, you’re right. I am in pain.” Tommy snapped, “And the answer’s no. I’m good. And I need you to-“

“You’re lying again.” That voice was so…calm? So…impassive, and Tommy- shivered. Just for a second- he got a glimpse of a face- a healthy one, a clean one, wracked with pain and agony-

And then he blinked, and the Patient was back to their rotted, diseased self, their face calm and smooth and free of agony-

“Do you want to just rest? You must be so tired,” They whispered, “You woke us all up. All three of you. You’re hurting so badly, and it hurts us just as much…”

“I don’t want to- I’m not gonna- fucking bob in the fucking pond like a rotted fucking log!” Tommy roared, taking a few deep breaths-

“Do you want to be safe?” the Patient whispered, and Tommy froze.

“…Safe?”

“You will be safe here. Death will run from you. Pain will run from you. Danger, sorrow, misery, fear, all of them run from you in these waters. You will be safe here. Don’t you want that? Don’t we all?”

Tommy took a step back, his hands shaking.

And for a second-

“Yes,” he blurted, “Yes.”

Because it was true.

And with that one word, the Patients all grinned. Thousands of smiles, staring at him, from those with jaws left on their heads, and Tommy-

“But I’m still not fucking staying,” he snapped, taking another step back, towards the pyramid, balling his hands into fists.

“The filth is part of the blessing,” The Patient replied, “you will grow used to it. It’s not so scary once you’ve been one with it for a bit-“

“It’s not the fuckin’ gross shit all over you,” Tommy snarled, “It’s the fact that if I just lay down and give up, Tubbo and Ranboo and Techno and Ponk and everyone else are gonna be- Are-“

And he started to shake.

“If I give up. If I just fucking give up and lie down dead in the water,” he whispered, “My friends are gonna be… are- I-“

Tommy swallowed.

“YOU THINK YOU FUCKERS ARE FUCKING SCARY?!” he shouted, a renewed rage burning in his breast, “YOU THINK YOU’RE FUCKING SCARY, DO YOU?! YOU KNOW WHAT SCARY LOOKS LIKE? IT’S FIVE FOOT TEN WITH A BEER GUT AND AN UGLY FUCKING GREEN TIE!” Tommy roared, and the Patients took a step back.

“I’M GOING IN THAT FUCKING PYRAMID, AND IF YOU FUCKING FOLLOW ME, I’LL SHOW YOU WHAT FEAR REALLY FUCKING LOOKS LIKE!”

Tommy balled his fists.

“Lie back down in the water if you know what’s good for you,” he snarled, “Cause if you fucking follow me, I’m dragging you back into the hell I call home, and I’m gonna fucking toss you headfirst at that wank stain I call a producer. You wanna hurt? Follow me, bitch.”

And to Tommy’s shock-

The Patients scrambled back. It was a wave, a wall of fly-blown panic, as they dove for the safety of their swamps, submerging themselves back in the mire like logs in a river, and Tommy unclenched his jaw.

Internally, he was reeling with shock. Internally, he wanted to grab Xisuma by the lapels and start shaking him while shouting “MOTHERFUCKER DID YOU SEE THAT SHIT? DID YOU SEE THAT FUCKING SHIT? THEY FELL FOR IT! THEY FUCKING FELL FOR IT!”

Externally, Tommy turned on his heel and stomped towards the now-open pyramid, keeping the stern expression locked on his face.

The scene wasn’t over yet, and it wouldn’t be until Impulse dropped the curtain behind them.

Tommy internally chafed as the adrenaline slowly wore off, and he swallowed. Again, here he was, just…playing the fucking doll. Acting. Pretending along for the entertainment of others.

This- there- that was it, he decided.

That was his last performance. And it was for a bunch of ingrates who wouldn’t even appreciate the hundreds of hours he’d poured into improv classes, his mother and father waiting outside the doors-

And speaking of doors, Tommy scarcely noticed as the muddy pebbles under his feet gave way to solid concrete, as he stepped into the black pyramid, his body still carrying that fake tension. Behind him, he heard footsteps- Xisuma’s regular steps against the stone, and then Keralis’s skittering of hundreds of legs, echoing off the walls as he forced himself into the pyramid, his body contorting to fit. Mechanisms within the earth ground and scraped, and as the door sealed itself up, the darkness grew, and grew, until it was absolute.

Lights glowed out of the walls, and Tommy swallowed in revulsion. They were glowing bags of gas, roiling and churning with unknown bacteria, pulsing out of the walls alongside rivers of flesh. Lighting the way with filth.

Hoo-bloody-ray.

he slumped, then, letting the tension fall out of his shoulders, and Tommy reached up to cradle his head. His fingers hit the helmet, and he groaned. He’d give anything to safely take it off, but something told him that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

“That was…impressive,” Impulse’s voice called from Tommy’s back, and he scowled as the tiny yellow tick crawled onto his shoulder.

“What was?” Tommy sighed, walking on down the hallway. Windows loomed ahead, and he furrowed his brow.

“That. Back there. You…I really thought we were gonna have a bunch of them dragging you into the swamp. Or, like, you’d just go in yourself. Or. Worse. They’d all start…rushing in here.” Impulse’s voice dropped into a growl on the last few words, and Tommy sighed.

“Why the fuck do you care so much if they come in here? It’s just some creepy dark pyramid thing. What’s so fucking special about this place?” Tommy snapped.

“This is…where I…keep the entrance to Zed’s realm.”

Impulse’s voice quaked, and Tommy got the distinct impression that he probably shouldn’t have let Impulse sit on his shoulder.

“So?” Tommy sighed, “What’s the big deal?”

“I- used to be, before- before I woke up- I mean, when I DID wake up, I wasn’t- uh, quiet? About it? It was- like it- was a lot to handle, you know? Just, emotions, and, and cognizance- but before then, this place was just a hole in the middle of the swamp. Water flowed into it, and- my Patients, they’d…well, they’d fall in, sometimes. And go down. Down to see…Zed.”

Impulse went quiet, and Tommy felt a cold sort of horror growing in his gut.

“And then they never came back.” Impulse finished, “And I- I couldn’t handle- the loss. It was- like, losing my Patients is bad enough. It’s already- you know someone by name, you learn about what brought them to you, you- care for them. They’re family, they’re a friend. So that hurt, but then, every blessing I’d given them- my friends, my parasites and my bacteria- they went too. And they never came back. I’d lose- I’d lose millions of loved ones, every time they- fell. I couldn’t- I CAN’T handle it. It’s too much.”

Impulse’s voice was shaking.

“…Are you okay?” Tommy said softly.

The tick on his shoulder froze.

“Did you- are you-“

“Yeah, bitch, I’m asking if you’re alright. Yeah. I know. I fucking know. Yes, I’m fucking pissed. Yes, I fucking hate it here. I get it. But like, you sound like you have literally zero idea how to handle grief, and I- like, man, I get it. If Tubbo died, I don’t know what the fuck I’d do. I get it.”

Impulse went very, very quiet.

“I’m not okay.” He said simply, “but that’s why- that’s why I was invited to be a Hermit. It- you know, it helps. I- we play games. Sometimes, my friends die in the games. I don’t have to lose people. Not forever. Sure, Jess moved on, but he’s not…gone forever. He just…got better. I…you know? And that’s why…”

Tommy nodded slowly.

“You need your dollhouse back.”

“Yeah.” Impulse said softly, “I need my friends back.”

They stepped out of the hallway into a vast, circular room. At one point, this chamber had been a cold, sterile space; now, though, Tommy gaped in shock as he saw the sheer plethora of animals running around. Pools of water held diseased, coughing ducks, paddling about happily, dabbling in the murk for sickly insects. Pigs drank from the water, covered in yellow boils, while in the treetops, exotic birds with visible tumors and mutations flitted about. Bats chattered in their hundreds from boxes lining the walls, huge piles of guano building up underneath them. It was a madhouse, an ecosystem in a bottle, and right in the middle of the room was a giant hole in the floor that dropped down into the abyss.

“What the…”

“Oh! I- so, I sealed off- the- entrance to the Fall,” Impulse said shakily, “so I could get in, to visit Zed. And I had all this space, and I thought- well- a menagerie would be- useful. Because the best source of good new diseases is from things that aren’t human. So I make sure these guys are happy and cared for, and in return they infect each other and brew me up lots of…fun things to play with. Great, right?”

Tommy nodded his helmeted head, coming to a stop at the edge of this mad jungle. This time, when Xisuma rested a hand on his shoulder, he didn’t flinch.

“Enough talking.” Keralis finally spoke up, “We go.”

“Uh, yeah. Keralis, you might- wanna go first, mate.” Xisuma said softly, “Seeing as you- uh-“

“Look, I’ll just yell down the hole. That way Zed won’t- um, he should move the- path, so you won’t- instantly die.” Impulse said awkwardly, “Just- stay on the path, okay? Zed’s good, he’ll just- follow him, trust him, he’ll be- he’ll help you.”

Impulse sounded a lot more…friendly? Helpful? Tommy couldn’t put his finger on it, but it was…comforting, in a way. That just…that he could still reason with them, despite everything that had happened.

“So what’s our plan?” Tommy said, only for Keralis to rush past them and-

Fling himself, his entire body, into the depths of the hole.

Tommy waited to hear the distant splat at the bottom, but instead he just heard- nothing?

“I guess that’ll work. Feel free to jump in. Zed’ll extend the path so when you land, you won’t hurt yourselves. Or die. It’s perfectly safe.” Impulse said, “Keralis’ll tip Zed off, so there’s really no need for me to hang around anymore.”

A bat swooped down from the ceiling, landing on Tommy’s shoulder, its little claws digging into the fabric. He yelped- the thing was foaming at the mouth, blood leaking from its eyes and from sores all over its body. Oddly, other than that, it looked- plump, with soft fur and bright eyes, well groomed and happy.

Impulse crawled off Tommy’s shoulder and onto the bat, which waited patiently for him to settle into his fur and bite into it. The bat’s eyes instantly turned yellow, and it hopped off Tommy, flapping into the air.

“I’ll see you soon!” Impulse crowed, flying away with a laugh, and Tommy swallowed and looked over at Xisuma.

“So- we just- fucking jump?” He said, and Xisuma nodded.

“Once more unto the breach, my friend.” X said, patting Tommy on the shoulder.

And with that, X took a running leap and flung himself into the hole.

Tommy swallowed.

“Fuck it.” he muttered.

And with that-

He sprinted towards the hole, closed his eyes-

And jumped.

Chapter Text

Tommy was getting very, VERY sick of falling.

He fell, down and down and down, his guts lurching with that inhuman fear of knowing that humans weren’t meant to fly. That sensation of discomfort that took every elytra user months of work to get over, and Tommy didn’t have an elytra on.

Despite Impulse’s assurances that he wouldn’t die, Tommy started screaming as the fall went on and on. He tried everything- flapping his arms, flailing at the air, anything to try and slow his descent, and none of it was working. He wasn’t an avian hybrid- he had no wings to spread to slow his descent, no membranes, no-

And then, then, the ground loomed up far below him, growing in the distance, a huge ashen plain rising up and up and up, flat as a pancake and stretching on and on to infinity-

And as Tommy fell closer and closer, he realized that it was scattered with grey dunes and weird clumps of metal poking out of the dust, and he fell farther and farther and saw that he was dropping towards a circle of lighter-coloured greyish dust-

Lower and lower he fell, Keralis’ glistening flesh shining up at him as he dropped, and there were two figures standing on the ligher coloured material-

Wait, two?

And then Tommy thumped into the ground, and he blinked.

It…didn’t hurt?

The impact didn’t even knock the wind out of him. He stared up at the hole in the sky so far above, sitting up and looking around, his eyes the size of dinner plates.

“What...”

“Wasteland” was one of those words Tommy had heard thrown around pretty casually all his life. The set they’d made for the bombed-out ruins of L’Manburg for that one arc, that had been referred to by everyone as “the wasteland set”. And it had been a pretty convincing wasteland, even if all the buildings were just facades with nothing behind them, even if the crater was just a hollow pit up on supports because the build team didn’t want to have to waste time making it solid.

That crater paled in comparison to this…place. This plane was…desolation born anew.

Not a tree, not a blade of grass, not a stick or a stem or a dandelion had ever grown on this blighted soul. The sky was black, black as the depths of the end, without a hint as to where the light that suffused the realm could be coming from. The ground around him wasn’t dust or sand or dirt; it was ash, cold grey ash from a fire that had burned itself to cinders aeons since. And the ash blew across the emptiness, congealing in great dunes that grew here and there, and poking up from the ash heaps-

Tommy blanched at the sight of a human jawbone, half-emerging from the dust, and beside it, some kind of…pipe? Made of red metal, etched with unknown runes, long since broken off whatever it was connected to- a broken thing in a broken place…

He looked down, and realized he was standing on a layer of white dust that had been- scuffed up from underneath the ash, a huge circular blob under the drop, connected to a path that wended off into the distance. And once Tommy had his bearings, he looked up and into the eyes of the three people standing there with him.

And he recoiled in horror.

Keralis was fine, his usual self, looming silently in a way that had Tommy shifting uncomfortably. Xisuma just looked…tired. But it was the figure standing next to X that had Tommy quailing in fright.

Xisuma’s armour, battered and faded, ravaged by time itself. Broken, pieces missing, and on the other side, a thin, mummified husk of a body, rotted and ancient, old bones dredged up from some long-forgotten grave. Behind Xisuma’s faceplate, scratched and scuffed, Tommy caught a glimpse of two black, empty eye sockets, staring at him-

“Hello, Tommy,” a friendly voice- he recognized it from eavesdropping at the windowsill, this- this had to be Zedaph- “Welcome to my lovely home!”

Tommy swallowed, and started to shake, as Zedaph- changed. In between blinks, his form shifted-

And Tommy SCREAMED.

The desiccated corpse that was staring back at him, eyeless skull with the flesh dried on, jaw hanging open, long white hair of extreme age draping patchily down the shoulders-

-it was him. His own body. His own clothing, ravaged by time, his own face, rotted and twisted, his own hands, long since contorted by rigor mortis-

“No, wait, sorry. No, that’s- scary, isn’t it? Uh, hang on…Wait! I know!”

And Tommy blinked again.

Two black wings filled his vision, the feathers faded by time to grey. Huge chunks were ripped out of them, missing so many feathers, and the few that clung to the bones were threadbare and ratty. Green robes and a green hat matched the wings- they’d both faded, dried out, moth-bitten and tattered.

And that face.

That face he knew so well.

That face who’d given him the final push to throw himself into the void.

Philza’s corpse stared back at him, and Tommy’s heart sank.

“Is- is that- is that what he’s gonna look like when he dies?” Tommy whispered, and Zedaph laughed.

“Hmmm? Well, potentially. Possibly. I can only draw on the probabilities of what might happen. What comes to me if I look deep enough. But I thought this face would be comforting.” Phil- no, Zedaph, he nodded his head, and Tommy swallowed.

He pointed a hand at the patches of white hair, the faded feathers-

“How- how the FUCK is that supposed to be a comfort?!” Tommy snarled, and Zedaph chuckled.

“Well, I can’t see the future. But I can glean the most likely cause of permadeath. Your friend Phil is lucky- I can see that he’s very likely to die peacefully in his sleep of old age. Like most players.”

Tommy swallowed.

White hair on a player meant one that was almost indescribably old. Players had lifespans that beggared belief- very little could permanently unseat them, but there were a scant few things. And at some point, all players would lay down and go to sleep- and never wake up.

And-

Tommy’s shoulders relaxed.

“…You showed me with white hair,” he whispered, “And- does that mean-?”

Zedaph nodded.

“You’re very clever! Yes, Tommy, it means what you think it means. I mean. Sort of.”

Tommy froze.

“Sort of?”

“Well, you’ve got a few…ah, the timelines get a bit muddled, you know. There’s another few causes of death you’ve got down the road, and a few of them are…ah…immediate. And messy. But assuming you can dodge that, well, I’d say you’re good to pop your clogs whenever you like!”

Tommy swallowed nervously and nodded.

“Good to…good to know. Are- uh- any chance you could give me a heads-up on those deaths?”

Zedaph scratched his chin with Phil’s skeletal fingers, and shook his head.

“Hmmm, no. Mostly because I’m dead curious what you’ll do with what I HAVE told you. Let’s find out together, huh?” Zed grinned, an easy task for a rotted skull, and gestured for the three to follow.

“Zed,” Keralis hissed, “Can we-“

“Yeah, we can. Don’t worry, Keralis, I know how you’re getting. We’ll be there in a jiffy!” Zed said brightly, “We just gotta walk to a spot I don’t mind you punching a hole in. It shouldn’t be far.”

And with that, he set off down the white path, and Tommy looked at Xisuma for guidance.

“Follow Zed EXACTLY. Don’t step off the path. Not one toe. Got it?” X said, “Or you’ll die. Permanently.”

Tommy nodded.

“Got it. Follow my best friend’s corpse. On it.”

He set off, careful to keep his tracks in the line of Zed’s footprints.

And the wind howled across the ashen wastes.

After a few minutes of following Zed down the trail, Xisuma broke the silence.

“Uh, Zed…not to…uh…carp on things a bit, but…what happened to all the…souls, you were hanging onto last time I was here?”

“Huh? Oh!” Zedaph waved his hand, “Just look through your Adderstone. I, ah, found some- solutions. That’ll work for all of them while I- uh, get around to- my backlog. Yeah.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow, and even though the instruction wasn’t for him, he dug out his own adderstone and took a peek through it.

And his eye went wide.

Superimposed on the ashen landscape were bubbles of verdant paradises. Gardens full of food, with hybrids and humans and constructs and villagers greedily filling baskets or splashing each other from troughs of water. An idyllic lake at the foot of a mountain, dozens of souls paddling a huge canoe across it, all singing in time. A laboratory, full of hybrids, messing around with chemicals as a human in a labcoat sprinted into the room in a panic with a bucket of sand.

And Tommy lowered the stone, and it was back to ashen wastes.

“…Zed.” Xisuma growled, “you’re not supposed to be doing this.”

“So what?” Zedaph replied nastily, “They’re happy, and I get to watch what they do. The bubbles are harmless, X! I tested it myself, USING myself! You think I can’t fish them out at any time? And they’re not trapped- I can let them silde between bubbles as they see fit, they can go anywhere, they-“

“-Are not supposed to STAY here.”

Keralis’ voice was a low, dangerous rumble, hundreds of voices echoing on top of each other, and Zed stumbled a little as he walked.

“I- well, I’m- I’ll let them go on! Soon. There’s just a bunch of them- I have- it’s a big backlog!” Zed protested.

“Zed, this isn’t supposed to be an afterlife!” Xisuma protested, “That’s not your JOB!”

“…Yeah, whatever.” Zedaph muttered, his shoulders slumping, “I’m just- I just want to know what they’ll do. That’s all.”

Xisuma groaned.

“Zed…how long has this lot been here?”

“Uh, not- not long. Actually! As in, legitimately, not very long. Uh- after I got shunted back here, I- well, you know, the itch took over- so- about that long? And I’ll- I’ll let them all go on! I swear!” Zed turned around, crossing a bony finger over a ribcage without a heart in it, “I swear I will!”

Tommy swallowed.

“So, wait, you- you. Death. You trap souls here in your realm? For, like, what? Fucked up- experiments? Fun? What the fuck?”

“It’s- they’re not- trapped!” Zedaph protested, “I just- I’m just- curious, alright?! I just want to know what’ll happen! That’s all! I- I do let them go on, I just- when I get shunted back here, it’s- you know, the itch, it- gets to me!”

Keralis let out a low growl that had the small hairs on Tommy’s neck standing on end.

“I- I’m sorry, okay!?” Zed sighed, “I know it’s stalling Entropy, I KNOW, but-“

Zedaph’s shoulders slumped.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “I- hang on a sec.”

Tommy held up his adderstone to his eye, and watched as Zed held out his arm-

And several dozen of the bubbles popped. He lowered the adderstone and watched as dozens of glowing little balls, shining like miniature stars, fell towards the ground. They flashed between several colours, each one an iridescent miniature sun, and all of them sank into the ash and burrowed downwards.

“There, see?” Zed said, his voice- nervous? “I can- cut them loose at any time. I’m not keeping them prisoner here. There’s only a few other bubbles, I- like I said, I’ve been good! I’ve been messing around with the other hermits, so I don’t need to stop things up down here. I promise.”

Xisuma sighed.

“Yes, Zed. And we’re all very proud of you for that,” he said gently, “but this can’t be your coping mechanism.”

“Okay, hold the fuck up,” Tommy said, “Right, just- stop. I get it. This fucking- all this shit with the dolls. It’s therapy, right? It’s therapy for you fuckers, to learn how to cope with your fucking issues. Got that, right? But Impulse mentioned a “Jess” and Keralis said he was gonna “leave” at some point. So like, I don’t know a fucking Jess. Wasn’t one in the tab list. So, sounds like, to me, you fuckers are doing all this to try and get better so you can go back to these realms if you want. Did I fucking get all that right?”

Silence.

“Yes.” Keralis, Zed, and Xisuma said in unison, with varying degrees of amazement.

“Right. So, like, Zed. If you fucking- if you fucking slam the brakes on everything the minute you get back here, are you even- like, fuck, man! Are you even fucking trying?”

Zed’s shoulders slumped.

“Tommy,” Xisuma said, “Don’t.”

“Why not? I’m just trying to-“

“God of death.” Keralis rumbled, and Tommy froze.

Ah. Right.

Shit.

This wasn’t Schlatt grumbling about his past mistakes with alcohol, this was an eldritch being with the ability to permanently kill him, instantly, and in a way he’d never come back from. And then he’d get zipped up in a little paradisical bubble, forever if Xisuma couldn’t get the Dollhouse working again-

“…Sorry.” Tommy said softly, and Zedaph chuckled bitterly.

“It’s not that simple.” He said quietly, “It’s not that simple, Tommy. You mean well, and I appreciate that. But I- quitting’s easy. Never going back? Now that’s torture.”

And Keralis slumped.

“…Ah.” Tommy echoed, swallowing.

He…didn’t really have anything to say to that.

His character, the one he’d played- during that arc where he’d been hiding out with Technoblade, the writers had thought it’d be interesting if he portrayed his character as having an addiction to gapples. One of their writers, an ex-UHC champ, mentioned it was a pretty common thing for PVP’ers to get hooked on. So to get an idea of how to act it… he’d talked to Schlatt, trying his best to nail down the portrayal, but-

The fact was, he didn’t actually have any habits of his own. Nothing- nothing like this.

He couldn’t relate to what Zedaph was going through. And he couldn’t even lay a hand on Phil’s rotted shoulder, because it might instantly kill him.

“…I’m sorry.” Tommy said, feeling the uselessness of those two words. They were about as helpful as a bag of grass seed in this desolate, empty place.

Zedaph chuckled.

“Don’t be. I’m- I’m getting better. I’m glad you all came through…”

Zed held out his hand, waving it at the air, and Tommy watched as dozens of glowing souls popped into existence all around them, falling to the ash and burrowing their way down.

He glanced back-

-Xisuma was smiling.

“…Helps me remember I have people in my corner.” Zed said gently, “you hear that, Keralis? We both have people in our corner.”

Tommy spared a glance back at the tower of inky black flesh and limbs, and to his shock, Keralis…slumped, a little. Several hundred sightless eyes rolled out of the mire to stare at him, and Tommy turned back to face front.

And the four of them walked in silence.

It could have been a minute or an hour. Tommy had no way of telling. Time itself seemed…slower, here. He glanced up, at one point, and was shocked to see a glowing soul falling from the sky- slowly drifting on the wind, like an errant snowflake. It drifted down and down, and he looked forward.

Zed had stopped, and was staring up at it with a smile on Phil’s desiccated face.

It drifted down and down, landing in the ash, and started to burrow its way down.

“…Where do they go from here?” Tommy whispered, and Zed shrugged.

“On.” he just said, “They go where they go, which is to say, nobody knows. Not even the gods.”

Xisuma spared a glanced back at Keralis, who laid a single black tendril on his shoulder, giving him a fond pat.

“The afterlife, from what I can tell, is only temporary. That’s all I know. If they go around again, if they don’t…nobody can say.” Zed shrugged, “but all I know is, I pray it never snows here.”

Tommy watched another soul drift down, like a lone snowflake, and he nodded.

“I get it.” he said quietly.

A few more steps, and Zed stopped.

“Here’s a good spot.” He gestured ahead, where the white path stopped entirely.

Zed turned around, and smiled with Phil’s face, spreading his arms wide.

“One more stop.” He said gently, “You’ve done a bang-up job so far.”

“…Thanks.” Tommy nodded, and Zed gestured down.

“Alright, Keralis. I know you’re itching to get back. Just one more thing-“

And that was all Tommy heard, as thick bands of voidflesh grabbed at Tommy’s throat and chest and arms and legs, cinching them to his body, as the ground shifted and quaked-

And the void yawned open beneath him.

Everything was drowned in the deepest, darkest black.

Chapter Text

When Tommy opened his eyes again…he wasn’t fully sure they were open at all.

All around him was…nothing. Blackness. He was…kneeling, on…something. Some surface, that felt…sticky, tacky, like a movie theatre floor that had never been cleaned in the decades it had been opened, but that was it.

He couldn’t hear anything, either. No rustle of wind, no noise, just-

His own breathing.

“Xisuma?” Tommy called into the abyss.

There was no reply.

He stood up- at least, probably? It felt like he was standing, but there wasn’t- he had no way to orient himself, to tell if he was about to plummet to his death, or-

A flash of purple light split the blackness, and Tommy cried out, shading his eyes, as black ooze slithered away from where it had been wrapped around the purple crystal of the final generator. Light- purple light, soft, dim, yet blinding in the emptiness- filled the space, and Tommy swallowed.

Because all it illuminated was a bridge, feeble and blobby, connecting where he stood to a thin ring surrounding the generator. All around him, there was nothing but emptiness- nothingness in its purest form, nothing, no stars, not even-

“Tommy?” Xisuma’s voice called out, and he spun around to see Xisuma climbing to his feet.

“Where’s- where the fuck is Keralis?” Tommy asked nervously, and Xisuma took a few steps closer and plonked a hand on his shoulder.

“You’re looking at him.” Xisuma said simply, and Tommy swallowed.

“What…”

“On a long enough timescale, everything is mortal. All things wither and decay. All things will crumble, all things will die. The stars, the moon, the earth…life itself. Water turns to ice that dissolves to dust. And when sentient life goes, concepts go with them. The animals you hunt will all die. The oceans will boil off. All technology will crumble. Bloodshed dies with the last animal. The sun is just as mortal as you and I. Disease needs living hosts…and death, death craves life. On a long enough timescale…even death will truly die.”

Tommy swallowed, his hands starting to shake.

“In the end, all that remains…is nothing.”

Tommy nodded.

“So Keralis…is…nothing?”

“Keralis is the void. The Void is entropy made manifest.” Xisuma said, “This realm doesn’t have a name. But there’s energy in the vacuum of space- energy that you can, with the right magic, tap.”

Tommy nodded slowly, eyes locked on the crystal.

“So…how do we get this one going?”

Xisuma smiled.

“Think…of love.” He said simply, “Think of the reason you fought your way down here. Think of friends, of family. This one runs on love.”

Tommy nodded, and stepped forward.

He walked across the sticky walkway, hand held up, and rested it on the crystal.

And the visions that swam to mind were ones of his friends. His family. Tubbo, and what might happen to him if Tommy’s mission failed. Ranboo, so alone save for his aunt, doing his best to support his aunt in her old age. Laughing off-camera, playing silly card games in the trailer after a long shoot, Technoblade taking everyone for ice cream. Philza and Kristin, dancing together when the cameras were off, playing music from a speaker plugged into Kristin’s comm.

He loved them all.

The family he’d found.

The one he was fighting to protect.

And when Tommy opened his eyes, the crystal was humming with light.

A purple glow that suffused the empty bridge he was standing on. A blinding light that shone across the expanse of emptiness.

The huge X scored into the side of the crystal glowed white, and Tommy smiled.

“Xisuma? It’s on. Where’s the gate? We’re done here, right?”

Silence.

Tommy swallowed.

“…Xisuma?” he whispered, and he turned around.

Xisuma wasn’t there.

Nothing was there.

The floor under him…trembled, slightly.

Tommy swallowed.

“Keralis?” he whispered, “Keralis, it’s- it’s on. It’s fixed, man! We- you can go home! To your family! You can- we can go, now!”

Silence.

“Keralis?!” Tommy called, “I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME! COME ON, LET ME- LET ME OUT!”

Silence.

And the floor started to shake.

It shuddered, a rhythmic pulsing, and Tommy realized, cold horror crawling through his chest, that it was rumbling with laughter.

Eyes in their untold millions rolled open in the emptiness around him, like some cruel mockery of stars, and he swallowed as the empty gazes bored into him.

“Stay with me,” Keralis whispered, “Stay with me, Tommy.”

“What?!” Tommy shouted, “NO! FUCK NO! Why would I- LOOK, I FIXED YOUR DOLLHOUSE! I FIXED IT! NOW LET ME GO!”

Silence.

The walls of the world started to bubble, and coloured balls started to- roil, out of the mire. Long drips of ooze, clinging to them like shining jewels, all flashing between dozens of colours- Tommy’s heart clenched when he realized what he was looking at.

Souls.

Human souls.

“Stay with me,” Keralis whispered, “It is lonely here, Tommy. It is so lonely. I woke up aeons ago, and I realized I was so lonely. There is nobody. Nobody to love. No friends. Stay here. Stay with me. Stay with us. We- they- I’ve been given a few treasures by Zeddy, by Impulse, by Princess, by- and I treasure them, I do. They show me their dreams, I show them mine. Stay with me.” Keralis whispered, voice- soft.

Desperate.

Tommy swallowed. Slowly, he pulled out the adderstone, and held it up to his eye.

He looked down-

And there, at the bottom, illuminated by the light of the crystal, was Keralis’ realm gate. A sphere of such absolute blackness that any light that touched it just- vanished. It had a halo surrounding it, glowing a soft purple, as the light it sucked in orbited around the outside of it, before getting sucked in and vanishing from sight.

Tommy took a deep breath.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Keralis shot back, “Why not?”

Tommy went quiet.

If he threw himself off this bridge into that realm gate- and missed- there was a very good chance he’d die. Dissolved down to the very soul, dangling from a glob of goo from now until the stars died, and then for eternity after that. Keralis wasn’t a god of time; if what Xisuma said was true, Keralis would outlive the god of time, too.

But he had a chance. An idea.

xB and Keralis, dancing in the moonlight.

Two monsters, hopelessly besotted, playing in the way they’d been taught.

And a vision flashed in Tommy’s mind, of Kristin and Phil dancing together, laughing along to Wilbur as he jammed out on his guitar, and Techno banged on a drum to ‘help out’-

Tommy took a deep breath, and looked up into the nearest of the sightless eyes.

“You…these Hermits. They’re your family, right?” Tommy asked.

“Yes.” Keralis replied, “Why are you-“

“Because- you love them. You love them so much it makes you mad. Because you know, someday, they’ll all be dead, and it’ll just be you, down here alone in the darkness. Right?” Tommy finished.

The walls of the world hissed.

Fanged mouths opened all around him, purple light glinting off unfathomable numbers of hungry, dripping teeth.

Keralis said nothing.

“And I- I get it.” Tommy said, “I’m- the- I’m the- I’m the youngest. On the set. I am. I’m- man, I’m just 17. Phil’s at least 500; Kristin’s pushing a thousand. Techno, I don’t know. Tubbo’s two years older than me, Wilbur and Quackity smoke-“

He swallowed.

“Me mum and Dad are older than- well, they’re- you know. And- yeah. I- I get it. I get what- you’re feeling. Because someday-“

“You understand nothing.”

Tommy froze.

“Everyone you love could die, all together. And then, you go on living. And there are more people to know, to meet, to love. You can rebuild. You are a mortal. You can always rebuild. You can find new loves. And then, someday, you die. And it stops. And you don’t have to make new loves anymore.”

Keralis’ voice was a low, angry, miserable hiss.

“I will lose them. I will lose my loves. And then I will be alone in the dark, forever. I woke up, and I learned of love, and I will not have it in the blink of an eye. You know nothing. YOU UNDERSTAND NOTHING!”

Tommy started to shake.

“…You really think that?” he asked, his voice echoing into the darkness, “You think I can just…replace, the people I love, so easily?”

“Mortals breed.” Keralis hissed, “It’s what you DO. It’s a fun game for us, a silly joke, a fun thing to play at. You just make more of yourselves. There are always more.”

Tommy took a deep, grounding breath.

Tubbo.

Phil.

Ponk.

Techno.

Mum.

Wilbur.

Jack.

Ranboo.

“You understand nothing.” Tommy spat, and the mouths around him snapped closed.

“What did you just say?” Keralis hissed.

“You think people are replaceable?” Tommy spat, “You think if my dad pops his clogs, if Wilbur dies forever, if I lose Kristin, you think- you think I’ll ever get them back? You think we’re just- replaceable? You really think that? You’re an IDIOT.”

Silence.

Tommy inhaled.

“I get it.” he spat, “And you do too. What’s your thoughts on Xisuma dying forever, huh?”

Silence.

Absolute, soul-crushing, silence.

“Shishwam will never die. Zeddy stole it from him. Impulse cursed him so he will never sicken. Gem drowned him in her blessings for health and youth. Bdubs turns his back so the sun never burns his skin. Xisuma won’t die. Xisuma can’t die.”

Keralis’ voice was shaking like a small, frightened child.

“Xisuma just said you were gonna outlive every single one of your friends. Including the ones keeping him alive.” Tommy spat, “How replaceable is X?”

“…Priceless.” Keralis whispered, “Xisuma is…priceless.”

Tommy inhaled.

“My mum is a human just like X. Phil’s a hybrid, but same idea. And unlike X, they don’t have a bunch of mad gods keeping them safe. But just like X, there’s only one Mum. There’s only one Phil. There’s only one me, and only one Xisuma…and only one you.” Tommy finished.

Silence.

“I get it.” Tommy said, “Maybe not eternity. But I get it. I get losing the people you love. Because you know what? I understand it better than you. Because when I was a kid, I knew, I KNEW my mum and dad were gonna leave me someday. Not by choice- not by anyone’s choice. But someday, I was gonna lose them. And I was gonna be alone.”

Silence.

“I get it.” Tommy said softly, “You’re not alone.”

The mouths lining the walls clicked and hissed.

“Let me ask you something else. Would you die for these people? Kill for them? Do anything to keep them safe?” Tommy asked, and Keralis growled, a rumbling that shook the bones of the world.

“Of course.” Keralis snapped.

“You think I wouldn’t do the same? ‘Cause that’s what I’m trying to do. Right now. Because right now-“

Tommy inhaled.

“You like our show, right? My little…show. And you like that, right? And there’s…others. Lots of people. Some of them…aren’t as nice as you guys. Some of those fans…want things from us. Things-“

Tommy’s voice started to crack.

“Things my producer is- making arrangements- to give- to-“

He took a deep breath.

“These hermits are your family. I need to leave. Because I need to protect mine.”

The eyes, one by one, started to roll into the wall of black flesh. It looked like the stars were going out. The souls sucked back into the ceiling, and all was as an abyss.

Tommy started to shake.

And then-

The floor he was on started to rock, rolling backwards, and he stumbled away from the generator in a panic, nearly tripping over himself-

As the glowing black realm gate pushed its way through the floor, and floated in front of him.

Purple light from the generator lensed around the edges, and Tommy swallowed.

“Let’s go home, Tommy.” Keralis said softly, “Let’s go home.”

And Tommy-

Tommy burst into tears.

He clapped a hand over his mouth, muffling his sobs, trying to choke them down. Desperate to be quiet, to force them-

Home.

Home.

Home.

“I’m sorry.” he choked out, “For all of this, I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. For all of us. We- we should not have been so mean. I’m sorry.” Keralis whispered.

And then the eyes started to open again, and the tone darkened.

“Now GET OUT before I change my mind.”

Tommy didn’t need to be told twice.

He gripped the adderstone as tight as he could, and flung himself through.

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up with a gasp, eyes as wide as saucers.

He was staring at- a block. At. Blocks, just, in general. The light- it was bright, so bright, almost- too bright, and hang on, wasn’t he still wearing-

Tommy reached up and tore the stupid helmet off his head, flinging it away, sucking in gasp after gasp of air. He was so greedy for it, so desperate to touch reality and know it was here and he was safe. To be back in a plane where water was wet, where the sun rose in the east, and where up and down were up and down.

He stared at the ground, and swallowed, slowly craning his neck up.

He was on the pool deck of Keralis’ ridiculous mansion. That massive place he’d been in, so long ago. It felt like- it felt like centuries. Like a lifetime.

Like-

A splatter behind him drew Tommy’s attention, and he rolled over to see Keralis, on his hands and knees, completely covered in voidgoo. He sat back, tendrils emerging from his slit and swiping over his body, licking all the goo up- and the sludge on his hands, Keralis licked off eagerly, swallowing it all down until he was reasonably clean.

“Yum,” Keralis mumbled, climbing to his feet.

Tommy blinked a few times, and shook his head.

“You know what? Fuck it. Sure, why not.” He sighed, climbing to his feet and running a hand through his hair.

Keralis offered his hand, and Tommy shook his head.

“Man, you just licked that. I ain’t touching your gross fucking hand.” Tommy made a face, “fuck no.”

Keralis raised an eyebrow.

“You walk through pools of blood and swamps of pus, and a little spit on my hand is too much?”

“Not if I don’t have to, yeah!” Tommy said, “wash ‘em off, and maybe. Right, where the fuck is everyone? I need my comm back, and then I’m gone. Like, gone-gone.”

He started walking, and there was a cough behind him.

“They…the hermits will be by the gate. But there is…one thing. Ah…” Keralis smiled weakly, and Tommy swallowed.

“What? What the fuck could possibly-“

“We still need to vote to let you leave.” Keralis said flatly.

Tommy’s eyes went wide.

“Oh,” his voice was very faint.

Keralis’ hand was heavy on his shoulder, and Tommy swallowed. Keralis was leading him in that weird, pushing-from-the-back sort of way, that implied like he had a choice even though he really, really didn’t.

And Tommy…swallowed.

“Why haven’t you killed me yet?” he asked faintly, as they approached- well. The ruined spawn garden, for a start. Trampled crops were scattered everywhere, crushed and ruined; whoever had planted it would need to start again from scratch.

And what he saw standing on those crops had his guts churning.

Bdubs was clinging to Beef’s apron, sobbing so loud it was audible from where Tommy was standing. Etho was clinging onto him from the back, both of them hugging him tight. Grian was stuck to Mumbo like a burr. Hypno was leaning on xB.

Hermits supporting each other. Pain and worry and confusion etched onto every face. Tommy swallowed down his guilt, and-

“I’m scared,” he whispered, and Keralis’ grip on his shoulder tightened.

“You should be.”

“I should be?” Tommy echoed, heart seizing.

“Because I’m scared too.” Keralis finished, and Tommy shuddered.

“Why haven’t you killed me yet?” he hissed, and Keralis just- shook his head.

Another few steps-

And twenty-four pairs of eyes were staring at him. Boring right through him.

Tommy swallowed.

“I-“ He started, when a voice cut through the din.

“ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT. EVERYONE, DON’T- DON’T DO ANYTHING!”

Xisuma’s shout was like a gunshot, and he came racing over, shoving his way through the crowd, hands up, putting himself between Tommy and the Hermits. And the gazes- the boring, pitch-dark gazes- they- softened?

Tommy swallowed.

“Look. I know we’re all upset. But I think we need to keep some perspective. Tommy’s just a kid, guys. Okay? So let’s not be too hasty. We talk this out, and then we let him go. Alright? Is everyone on board with that?” Xisuma’s voice was shaking.

Silence.

Hypno stepped forward, and crooked his finger twice.

“X. Look at me, buddy.”

Xisuma shivered.

“No, Hypno, I’m not- We need- you need me here. Tommy needs-“

“Look at Hypno, Shishwam.” Keralis said gently, “This is an us-and-Tommy talk, not an us-and-you-and-Tommy talk.”

Xisuma shivered.

“I don’t- I’m not going to just- let you all- run roughshod over Tommy,” He said nervously.

“Yeah, and we know that. So, like, you can leave. You can just go, man. We’re not gonna stop you. Or, like, you can look at Hypno and make it easier on yourself. Up to you. But you can’t stay.” xB said gently.

Tommy swallowed.

He moved to step forward-

Keralis’ grip on his shoulder turned to iron, fingers digging in.

Tommy whipped his head around-

For a second, he wasn’t looking into those cold blue eyes. He was looking into two black pits, studded with empty, hungry starlight. Cracks, like veins full of tar, started to grow across Keralis’ face, and a thought slammed through Tommy’s brain, all-encompassing in its forcefulness-

DO NOT SPEAK IF YOU WANT TO LIVE.

And with a blink, the vision was gone, and Tommy could breathe again. He sucked in a mighty gasp, and turned around-

To see Xisuma, lying on the ground, fast asleep. Hypno carefully picked him up, with a strength Tommy hadn’t seen before, and gently carried him to a bed Joe had placed. Hypno laid their admin down on the sheets, and tucked him in, giving Xisuma a fond pat on the shoulder.

And then Tommy was alone.

Totally, totally alone.

He swallowed.

“Please,” he whispered, “Please just- let me go home. I’ll leave. I won’t say a word about this place. About any of you. Just- let me- go home.”

Silence.

The eyes staring at him felt like they were about to start flaying the skin off his body with just their gaze. He wanted to dig a hole in the ground and hide in it for the rest of time, anything to get himself away from the all-consuming stares.

It was Ren who broke the silence, stepping forward and gesturing.

“Right. Tommy, then. Tomster. Our little dude. I vote we just cut him loose. The kid’s had a rough couple of days. He messed up, and he fixed it. He did what he needed to do. Tommy’s a good kid. We let him loose, and dust our hands of it.”

“And how do we know he’ll keep his mouth shut?”

Cleo jabbed a finger at Tommy, accusing, dangerous. “If someone else gets it in their head to get in here and try to get at us, then what?”

“Then we eat them.” Keralis finished for her, “Cleo, you know this. Someone comes in with bad intent, we eat them, and you and I split the marrow when we break their bones.”

Tommy shivered.

“I’m with Ren. Tommy’s just a kid who screwed up. We didn’t tell him anything, and he made the same dumb decision any human would have made in that position. I mean, hell, Hypno, how’d it go the last time X fell into your realm again? Yeah, my thoughts exactly. We cut him loose.” xB stepped forward, and to Tommy’s shock, he walked up to stand beside him.

Bdubs snarled.

“That…KID…REMINDED ME…THAT I’M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!” Bdubs roared, “I’M GOING TO FUCKING DIE! AND HE REMINDED ME THAT I’M GONNA FUCKING DIE! ALL OF YOU ARE IMMORTAL, AND I’M NO BETTER THAN HE IS! YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THE FUCKING HIGH ROAD?! WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I?!”

Bdubs’ eyes started to- glow. And not some feeble, candlelike blaze- they started to shine like the sun. Like the sun, brought to earth and trapped in a human body. And the light blasted out of his mouth, out of his nostrils and ears, and Tommy swallowed, eyes watering as cracks, light-blasted cracks started to shatter across his face-

“BDUBS!” Doc thundered, “STOP IT! YOU’RE GONNA BREAK YOUR DOLL!”

And as quickly as the outburst had started, it stopped. The light faded, the cracks started to knit themselves back together, and Bdubs took a few deep breaths.

“Why?” Bdubs spat, “Why should I? Why should we? Why should we let him leave? Alive he’s just a liability!”

Tommy swallowed.

“Because you- because- because you need- you need me.” He croaked, and everyone whipped their heads around to stare at him.

“…We…NEED…you.” Bdubs finished, voice as low and dangerous as a crouching panther.

Tommy clenched his fists, rolling his shoulder to shake Keralis’ hand off.

“You- Okay, fuck, fine, maybe you don’t need me. But you need to hear what I- what I have to say. Because- because you’re all here, to- try and get better. Right? You’re trying to get better. This is the place for mad gods to go and try to get better-“

“It’s called ‘play therapy,’ Doc cut in, “That’s the proper term. We- play games with each other, and try to use it to-“

“Fucking get better?” Tommy snapped, “Because the way I see it, the lot of you are- just- spinning your fucking wheels, or some shit! Like-“

And he took a deep breath.

Shouting swears at the Hermits was a great way to end up buried in a shallow grave, and for once in his life, he was going to need to apply an ounce of tact. Just a mote of it.

Well, fuck it. If this was his retirement from the entertainment business, let this final encore be one for the ages.

“I need to leave.” He said flatly, “Because- because- the show I’m a part of. You all love the others, right? Ponk and Phil and Techno and Tubbo and Ranboo and everyone else. All my friends. You watch our show, and you all thought to yourselves, “Who gives a fuck about that kid in the white and red”, right?”

Tommy swallowed.

“It’s- TV is like this place. We build big sets, just like you all do. You build your castles in the clouds, and you make your scripts, and you run around pretending to be something you’re not. You do it to salve some hole in your soul; I do it because it’s all I’ve ever known how to do, and how to be.”

Tommy was staring at the ground, and he fished in his pocket, and pulled out the adderstone.

“And you see this? This fucking thing? It’s like the- the- the stupid little camera they shove in your face while you’re in your trailer, just trying to recover from the last shoot. Because the people watching always want more, more, more, and if you give it to them, all they’ll want is more, more, more. Because- people are greedy, and they think they fucking know you, ‘cause they see you on their screens all the fucking time. They think you’re their fucking friend, even when they don’t know the first thing about you!”

Tommy threw the adderstone on the ground as hard as he could, and it shattered.

“Because I’m just like you,” Tommy said, breathing heavily, staring at the broken fragments of stone, “because I’m some fucking doll, stuck playing the part, just trying to find my way out to make something better of myself. But unlike you lot, I’m actually applying myself, and TRYING to make things better! Because right now, if I don’t, my producer is in talks to- to start- to start-“

Tommy’s voice broke, and tears started to build in his eyes.

“Fans want shit. They want shit from us. They want shit from all of us. And my producer is- going to- take steps to make that happen. To get shit from us that nobody in their right mind should ever, ever have. And I need to take this to the cops, to get that crooked old FUCK in irons for the rest of his life. You people- I bet you’re all in on your faves, aren’t you? You like Ponk? You like Niki? You like Ranboo? You want ‘em to have a good life, huh?”

Tommy breathed out, slowly, the tension pouring out of him.

“Let me go.” Tommy whispered, “Let me go, so I can stop playing in the dollhouse.”

Silence.

He slowly lifted his head.

And to his shock-

He was staring at a ring of sympathetic faces.

“Tommy…”

He turned around slowly, and Keralis placed both hands on his shoulders.

“You need to understand one thing, Tommy.” Keralis said gently, “We are nothing like you, okay? We are not. You are a human being. You are…everything. Broken and whole, angry and not. You decide as easily as breathing. You feel as easily as you move. You know how to live, to breathe, to exist. For us- it’s- a challenge. To be alive- it is- a task. A maddening one. Humanity makes you whole. Humanity is an infection. It makes you what you are. It makes us completely insane.”

Tommy swallowed.

“Then put some effort in,” he hissed, “Try. Just- you need to try. All of you need to try, harder, to be better. To- to- I don’t know. I don’t know where mad gods go after fucking rehab. But if it’s anything like my world, a book tour and sipping diet soda on your balcony is better than being stuck in the pits of your problems. So just-“

Tommy swallowed.

“Let me go. And- be better. Please.”

Keralis let go of his shoulder, and stepped back.

“All in favour of letting Tommy go,” Keralis said, “hands up.”

A full three-quarters of the hands went up, and Tommy swallowed.

Bdubs was still staring at him, and Tommy…

“…Look. If it’s any consolation, I’m gonna die too.” Tommy gestured at Zed, “He told me so. He showed me my own face, dead. So, like- I get it. Okay…big man?”

And Bdubs took a deep breath.

“Only because you called me a big man.” He said, and slowly put his hand up.

Mumbo elbowed an irate Iskall, who eventually rolled their eye and put their hand up.

“But Mumbo, he’d be really fun to-“

“-No.”

Slowly, one by one, all the stragglers put their hands up, until, finally, it was all down to Cleo.

“Now, I’m going to vote yes,” Cleo said, “but I just had one proposal to make. Consider this: we could just eat him.”

“NO!” Doc and Mumbo thundered in unison, and the moment passed.

“Alright, fine, fine,” Cleo said brightly, “it was just a suggestion.”

And her hand went up.

Tommy felt like whatever strings were holding him up had been cut.

The ground started to get closer and closer, the world fading to black around the edges, and he faceplanted in something soft and smelling of cut grass.

And everything went black.

Chapter Text

Tommy’s eyes slowly blinked open, a distant conversation echoing up to him.

“So, run this by me again, my dudes,” Ren was saying through a closed door, “You…what. Tommy…fixed you? Like, how?”

“He- fixed nothing!” Doc’s voice was obstinate, “Tommy merely- we presented him with some- uh, possibilities, and he selected- one of them at random!”

“And all the choices were very carefully picked!” Mumbo added frantically, “We- uh- curated all of them! Very clever choices!”

“We’re smart. We’re not idiots. We didn’t need him. He just- sped up our calculations.” Doc insisted, and Tommy sat up slowly, scrubbing his face.

Blankets were pooling around his waist, and he stared at the wall.

Keralis’ house. White walls, wood floor. The sound of…people. Voices.

Tommy stood up, slowly, toeing his shoes on, and stepping out of the bedroom and into the kitchen area.

Keralis was leaning against the kitchen island, pouring alcohol into some glasses. Sitting at the bar, Ren, Mumbo, and Doc.

And all four of them turned to look at him.

Tommy swallowed.

“Tommy! Just the man I wanted to see. Your comm’s ready to go.” Doc said, holding it out.

Tommy moved so fast he actually startled Ren. Just, charged, full-on CHARGED, eating up the distance between himself and his comm so fast Mumbo leaned back. He snatched his communicator out of Doc’s hands, snapping it around his wrist with a practiced motion, and pressed the button-

Please please please fuck please please please-

And the screen lit up, and Tommy’s spirit soared.

He quickly tabbed to the folder with his personal documents, and his hearts leapt when he saw everything exactly where he’d left it.

“Thank you,” Tommy whispered, “thank you, just-“

He looked up slowly, and found himself staring at four smiling faces…and five glasses of champagne.

Wait, five?

“Here.” Keralis said, offering him a glass, and Tommy took it.

“I’m- not eighteen,” Tommy said nervously. Underage drinking was frowned upon, especially in the Hub-

“It’s ginger ale,” Keralis said with a snicker, “you are going to talk to the police, yes? Last thing you need is to be tipsy.”

“Now you be careful around those cops, you know?” Ren said, “They’re all a bunch of miserable little bastards. I get ‘em in my realm a ton- they like a good hunt and a good chase. Well, I give them one. Anyway. Be really careful, got it, my dude? Don’t tell them anything they don’t need to know.”

Tommy nodded slowly, sipping his ginger ale, and he smiled.

“So that’s…that’s it? I’m- good to go?”

“Well, you fixed the place, gave back the adderstone…in, uh, pieces… and you’ve got a vote to leave and your comm back. I’d say so!” Mumbo said cheerfully.

Tommy nodded slowly.

“I have…a question.”

“Hmm?” that was Keralis, and Tommy gestured at the door.

“Before I go. One question. Xisuma. What…how…he’s a human, right? But I heard you guys- some of you- say he’s- cursed. You- a couple of you guys- cursed him. To be- immortal, and healthy, or some shit. So, like- why? How? Did you-“

The Hermits smiled.

“We love Shishwammy,” Keralis said gently, “He makes this place.”

“Well, fixes it.” Doc interjected.

“Yes, he fixes. He makes our dollhouse so wonderful for us. We love Shishwammyvoid. We…we tried to make this place, ourselves. And- it was bad. Bad, bad, bad. Different people all fighting to make it theirs. Nearly broke the place apart. There was an old god- he created our world. And then he tried to make all of us- part of him. A broken thing, an awful thing. But he- he captured Shishwam. Dragged him here.”

Keralis grinned, a horrible smile showing all his teeth.

“So I ate the evil god, with my friends Hypno and Bubbles and Joe. And we asked Shishwam, do you want to be free? And Xisuma said…no. He said he wanted to stay. And help us be better. And we love him for it. He is our human friend. Every day he wakes up and chooses to stay. And every day we heap our gifts on him so he can do just that. He is the most loved a human has ever been, I think.” Keralis finished, and Tommy nodded once, slowly.

“That’s…all I wanted to know.” he said finally, “Um, but- some of you- why-“

“A couple of us were thinkin’ we’d keep you around. New face, new person. But, you know, with X…he’s different. He stays because he wants to. We’ve never…kept anyone against their will, before.” Ren added, “So…probably best for you to hit the road, Tommy.”

And Tommy-

Blanched.

“…Don’t I get to say goodbye?”

Silence.

“Don’t worry, Tommy,” Doc said gently, “you’ll never have to say goodbye.”

“Gods, Tommy, gods.” Keralis added. “We’re the air you breathe.”

“The water you drink.”

“The void in the end.”

“The stone beneath your feet.”

“The circuits in the comm strapped to your wrist.”

“Your greed.”

“Your hate.”

“Your love.”

“Your light.”

“Mortals dream us into being, and we’re woven into your world.” Keralis smiled, “This isn’t goodbye, Tommy…just…the last time we talk with words.”

The stairs creaked, and Tommy turned around.

Xisuma and xB came up the stairs, both smiling, and Tommy’s shoulders relaxed.

“Everyone else figured they’d leave it here,” xB said, “But Beef said to tell you to, quote, “Slit that bastard’s throat and bleed him out for me,” so you’ve got that going for you, at least.”

Tommy nodded.

“And I guess…from me…thanks for, uh…well, owning up to your mistake.” Xisuma said, “Tommy, I’m sorry you had to get caught up in all this. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“Hey,” Tommy chuckled, “Life ain’t fucking fair, right? I think we all know that by now.”

xB nodded, and Tommy smiled.

“So, that’s it, then?” Xisuma said, “There’s uh, just one thing…Tommy, please don’t take this the wrong way, but we’d all really appreciate it if you never, ever came back.”

He barked out a harsh laugh.

“Oh, don’t worry, bitch. I’m never coming back.” Tommy said, and he smiled.

“We’re sorry, Tommy.” Keralis said.

“Thanks for…letting me loose,” Tommy replied, “I guess that’s it. All of you…I meant what I said. Be better. I believe in you.”

And with trembling hands, he selected the Hub from his server list.

“Good luck, Tommy,” Xisuma said.

“Right back at you, bitch.”

He hovered a finger over the button-

And clicked it.

<Tommyinnit has left the game.>

<Xisuma has banned the user: Tommyinnit.>

Chapter Text

SIX MONTHS LATER

Tommy stumbled out of the courthouse, loosening his tie and running a hand through his hair.

He turned back to wave at Puffy, Niki, and Hannah, all going for some lunch, and Tommy stopped, blinking up at the blindingly bright sun.  

“Fuck me,” he muttered, taking a few deep breaths to steady his nerves. That had been…well. Of course they’d want his testimony, but he hadn’t expected…

Tommy had…glossed over a few small details, of course. Just…a few.

Of course he’d told the truth where it had mattered. How he found the evidence. How he fled the server to try to report it.

If he’d bent the truth a little bit, claiming to have simply fallen through the void for the week he was missing, well…that wasn’t exactly relevant to the trial, now was it?

The Hermits deserved that much. They deserved their privacy. And he wasn’t about to sell them up the river for, what? Telling a truth that didn’t matter? Besides, he’d obliquely hinted at his grand adventure to the prosecution during the discovery phase of the trial, and-

Well.

Having a lawyer tell him to just omit that bit was pretty damning, Tommy had to admit. And said lawyer was totally right, too- going on about a magical adventure in a land of mad gods was the kind of absolute nonsense that eviscerated one’s credibility in front of a jury. So he’d…fibbed a little. Just a smidge, where it wasn’t relevant.

“I just fell through the void. Blacked out, came to a week later in the Hub. That’s all I know.”

Tommy shook his head, swallowing a lump of guilt, and sniffed the air. The stench of fresh-burned tobacco filled his nose, and he wrinkled it in response.

And followed the smell around the courthouse and into a side alley.

There, leaning against the brickwork, stood Schlatt.

“Hey,” Tommy said, leaning up next to Schlatt, “How the fuck do you stand wearing a suit all day? I’ve had this getup on for a week and I already want to boil my fucking skin off.”

“You get used to it after awhile. Besides, name me one person in this godforsaken universe who doesn’t have a closet full of the exact same fucking shirt.” Schlatt chuckled.

Tommy snorted, and turned to look at the cigarette.

“Hey, big man, can I-?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, absolutely. Y’know, when you went missing, I- I was real worried I was gonna just- y’know.” Schlatt said cooly.

Schlatt took a drag of his smoke, and reached into his breast pocket, fishing something out. He handed a slim candy cigarette to Tommy, who bit a little chunk off the end and started to chew on it.

“I was real worried I was gonna have a pocketful of these fucking things for the rest of my life,” Schlatt said sarcastically.

Tommy smiled.

“Missed you too. Fucker.”

Schlatt had nothing to say to that, leaning back and letting his horns scrape the brickwork as Tommy chewed on his candy cigarette.

“Now, once again, if I ever catch you lighting one of these up, I’m gonna kick your ass so hard you’re gonna be crosseyed AND cross-balled.” Schlatt’s words carried no venom, and Tommy chuckled.

“Hey, what about you? Secondhand smoke’s a killer! Maybe you should quit, and I’ll get you some candy cigarettes, you know?”

Schlatt shook his head.

“We’ll see about that. After the trial, you know? This shit’s stressing me out. I just can’t believe…like, fuck, man. Poor Tubbo.”

Tommy nodded.

“Anyway. I just wanted to say…proud of you, Tommy. You did good, kid. But I just wanna know…where did you go, when you were stuck in the void?”

He froze. Just- went ramrod stiff, swallowing down a lump of pure terror.

“I- How did you-“

“Tommy, you dense motherfucker. How long have we known each other? That bit in the middle was acting-Tommy, not truth-Tommy. We all saw it, I just chose to shut the fuck up ‘cause I didn’t want that piece of shit to slip away.”

“Uh,” Tommy took another bite of his candy cigarette, “you wouldn’t- you really, really wouldn’t believe me if I told you. Like, seriously.”

Schlatt shrugged.

“Alright, keep your secrets.” he smiled.

They stood there in companionable silence for a few minutes, chewing and smoking against the brickwork, when a gasp made both of them turn their heads. Schlatt immediately stubbed out his smoke against the bricks and let it drop, and Tommy turned to look down the alleyway.

“Oh my god!” A young sparrow hybrid and her two human friends were gazing at them in awe, “Tommy! Tommyinnit! Oh my god, will you shake my hand? Can you sign something for us?!”

“Is it true you’re quitting acting? That’s so sad!”

“I really hope you find something better-“

“Can you sign-“

And Tommy-

He held his hands up.

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Schlatt, do we think we can sign some stuff? Oh, but you know what? Just down the street, my pals Niki, Hannah, and Puffy. They all went off to grab a bite. You should go say hi to them, after! We wouldn’t have a show without them, you know?”

The fans looked eager, and Tommy fished a permanent marker out of his pocket, and signed a few shirts with a practiced flourish. Schlatt did the same a second later, laughing as one of the fans eagerly complemented his horns, and they all scampered off to go find the girls.

“…Okay, now I KNOW you weren’t in the fuckin’ void,” Schlatt said as soon as they were gone, “ You’d never have even thought of me, let alone Niki. What’s the change? What’s the big idea?”

Tommy shrugged.

“If you’re gonna be a big man, you gotta do some growing up. And I’m a big man. The biggest.”

Schlatt shook his head.

“I will get the truth out of you someday. You know that, right?”

“Don’t hold your breath. I’ll tell you one thing: I’m looking out for some people. That’s all you need to know.” Tommy said simply, eating the last of his candy cigarette.

A cough yanked both of their attention back to the mouth of the alley, and this time, Tommy’s shoulders relaxed.

“Techno!” both men chorused in delight.

“Afternoon,” Technoblade said, stomping his cloven feet towards them. He towered over both Schlatt and Tommy- and pretty much everyone else, it had to be said. Techno cut such an intimidating figure that they’d had to find him a special chair to sit in at the trial.

Tommy grinned as Techno walked up to them, his velvet cape swishing, and he spread his arms for a hug. Which Techno, uncharacteristically, snubbed.

“Ah, no. Not right yet. Listen, man, we gotta talk. You and me. Uh…Tommy,” Techno said, and was he- nervous?- “Did you- I can’t believe I’m saying this, but have you started worshipping the Blood God?”

Tommy froze.

“Wha-“

“Look, just- come with me. My- private server. Here, give me your comm.” Tommy held his communicator out, and Techno tapped his own against it, passing over the data with a tap transfer.

“So, uh, am I invited, or…?” Schlatt asked, and Technoblade shook his head.

“No. I’m sorry, this is- serious. Like, religious serious. Sorry.”

Schlatt rolled his eyes.

“Man, I don’t get you. You drop the killer-for-hire act to play one on TV, and keep your devotion to the blood god. Like I’m not knocking it, but…”

“It’s…not that simple.” Technoblade said simply.

Tommy had gone very, very still.

“I’ll meet you at mine,” Techno said, and he vanished with a tap to his comm.

<Technoblade has left the game.>

With a nod at Schlatt, Tommy robotically keyed in the option to change worlds on his own comm.

<Tommyinnit has left the game.>

Technoblade’s private world had been one of the inspirations for his “self-imposed exile” cabin in the wilderness. And by “inspiration”, Tommy of course meant “block for block ripoff” as the build team had just decided there wasn’t any way of improving the concept of A House For Technoblade beyond Technoblade’s Actual House.

It didn’t stop the sight taking his breath away when he landed with a thump and opened his eyes. All around him was a snowy forest, no cliffs in sight. The set version of Technoblade’s cabin had been built in that tundra, but Techno’s actual home was in a forest he’d lovingly cleared.

Tommy shivered- he was still wearing that stupid, preposterous suit that his mum had insisted he wear for the trial, and it was worse than useless at keeping him warm. If he didn’t get inside, he’d freeze- especially since Techno hadn’t bothered to add the plugins to stop players freezing to death in extreme cold. The ones that made exploring tundras in normal worlds doable for a player in a Hawaiian shirt and a thong, that kind of thing.

 Footprints lead through the snow, up to the steps, and he hurried after them, heading towards the welcoming windows. The door was unlocked, and Tommy stepped out of the chill that was gnawing through his shitty suit, and into the warmth of the cabin. He stepped inside, and smiled.

The furniture in here was much less cluttered than the set version, with tables and chairs and storage chests- Techno had insisted on that, on letting his character be much more austere and less focused on simple creature comforts. But that wasn’t the only change.

“Down here!” Technoblade called, and Tommy smiled and descended the ladder, stepping into a much warmer and much more spacious basement than the one they’d filmed.

Technoblade’s basement wasn’t a mess of chests, but rather, a spacious room, hollowed out of the stone, with a soft red carpet to chase away the cold rock’s chill. A fire burned on both sides of the room, and simple storage held Techno’s treasures.

At the end of the room stood a brass cauldron on the floor.

Tommy swallowed.

The set version of Technoblade’s cabin had no cauldron. It was a belief of devotees of the blood god, that things without lifeblood running through them should not gaze upon a true altar to their deity. So, a robotic or a bloodless hybrid were both okay, but a camera? That would be rude. The set version had an idol of a bullheaded god on a throne, as a mark of respect and politeness towards Technoblade and his faith.

Tommy swallowed as he stared at the brass cauldron.

It was boiling.

And it was full of blood.

“I filled it up yesterday,” Techno said, looming off to the side, “It should have drained by now. Actually, it should have drained a couple minutes after I filled it, and it…didn’t. The blood- uh- spelled out a message, which I’ll be real with you, man, it’s never done that before. It asked for you. Specifically you. So, like- uh- can you get over here and fix my altar? ‘cause if not, you owe me a new cauldron.”

Tommy, despite everything, snorted.

He approached the cauldron slowly, hands shaking.

“Like, I don’t even know why it went asking for you. The most blood you’ve ever spilled is like, what, that time you swatted a mosquit-“

“I fought the blood god and stabbed him in the ankle.” Tommy said flatly.

Technoblade froze.

“You…what?” he whispered, eyes wide.

“I fought the blood god. And I stabbed him. In the ankle. And he thought it was so fucking funny, he let me leave with my life.” Tommy said, and he stepped up to the cauldron.

For a moment, all he could see was a churning, boiling cauldron of human blood.

And to the shock of both men, it started to drain. The blood, spiralling away, vanishing as Techno’s god claimed his due.

Until…

Tommy staggered back as something crawled OUT of the cauldron.

It was a mosquito.

A small, regular-sized, red-eyed mosquito. It buzzed its wings, and turned to the left and the right, looking at both Tommy and Technoblade.

And it spoke. It spoke in a human voice, booming and jovial. Tommy knew that voice.

It was Beef’s voice.

“Technoblade!” the mosquito said, “Pleased to see you, my man. I mean, this isn’t the first time. You- I like you. You’re my number one, I just want you to know that.”

“I- I- oh my god,” Technoblade whispered.

“Yep, that’s me! Your god! But seriously, thanks so much. Without you, I’d never have been able to get a message through. Y’know, I don’t often tell this to people, but you? Chill out for a bit, Techno. Take a few days off. Focus on the trial. I can live without your offerings for a little bit. You’re in my good books, so don’t worry about that.”

Technoblade fell to his knees, eyes wide as dinner plates.

The mosquito turned to Tommy.

“As for you…I just wanted to pass along some thanks from myself and everyone else. You…kid, I don’t know where you came from, but you were the kick in the ass we all needed. I’m honestly amazed- I haven’t seen so much…will, to improve, from everyone, in the whole time I’ve been here. It’s…I don’t know. I can’t cry with this messenger, but just know that like, with my Doll? I cried a bunch of happy tears, dude. You did that. You helped us.”

Tommy nodded, unable to speak.

“Oh- and I just wanted to let you know. The Tower of Tomster- we’re keeping it. It’s untouched, exactly as you left it. We all wanted it as a memorial. So, you know. You’ve made your mark.”

“You’re fucking joking,” Tommy muttered.

“I’m not,” Beef said gently.

“…Tommy, did you build another cobblestone penis? Another one?” Technoblade sounded- amused, and also faintly horrified.

“Might have done,” Tommy replied evasively, and Beef just laughed.

“Well, I wouldn’t worry about it. Anyway. I just came back to say…Thank you. To both of you. Technoblade, I want you to know, I’m building a place for you right beside my throne. You’re my favourite champion. Wait, am I not supposed to tell you that? Crap. Look, I’m real bad at this, okay? Just- keep doing what you’re doing. You’re great.”

Technoblade rose to his feet, nodding once, his eyes blazing with red fire.

Tommy swallowed, and the mosquito turned back to him.

“Now, before I go…I just wanted to pass on one more message from everyone. To you, Tommy, okay? Just one.”

Tommy nodded.

“Promise us- all of us- that whatever happens, you’ll go out there and be as human as you can be. Go. Live.”

Tommy swallowed.

“Live?”

“Live.”

He smiled.

“I will. Tell them- tell all of your crazy fucking friends- I will. And you can’t stop me. And- best of luck. All of you.”

The mosquito laughed.

“I will! Goodbye, both of you!”

And it let go of the rim of the cauldron, tumbling back-

And splashing into a dribble of blood right at the bottom.

“…Well.” Techno said, “that was…the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. Hey, Techno…” Tommy started, “Not saying your house isn’t perfect…but would you want to build a lookout tower with me?”

“…A lookout tower.” Techno echoed, “Okay, that’s actually- a really great idea. Hold on, since when do you- is this gonna be another square cobblestone-?”

“Not a chance in hell. This is gonna have mossy cobble and shaping and shit!”

“Okay. And, uh, the trial?”

“Done for the rest of the day. We’ll be back in the morning.”

Technoblade shrugged.

”I guess I could use a break…”

Tommy’s eyes blazed, “Yeah! Come on, big man. I learned a few things from some friends in high places. Let’s go make something!”