Chapter Text
Andrew Tater Tits hated women.
Women, fuck, why did women even exist? Even in their names, the word ‘men’ existed and those sluts were nothing but wastes of oxygen. Their mamas never taught them how to cook and clean anymore; all they knew was how to play with boys hearts and wear mini skirts like a slut. God, Andrew needed a traditional woman. A woman that could cook him chicken nuggets and fries, wash his Hot Wheels bedsheets and tuck him to bed with a glass of milk —chocolate each time, then what was the difference between sucking on her tit and drinking normal milk?— and a goodnight kiss. No chapped lips, no mouth smell.
But no women good enough for Tater Tits existed.
But Ricky Sanchez did.
Oh Ricky, Andrew Tater Tits would start in his diary with to end up writing about the blue haired man for hours and hours. There was so much to admire about that sexy brain.
Ricky had lost his job years ago, as well as all his friends except Andrew. They were each others exceptions, always there for support and well… Relief. A little bit of relief. Saturdays were for the fags and both men knew. Of course they were going to dress up in cute onesies and run around with a diaper full of diarrhea. Andrew struggled with explosive diarrhea all the time yet there was Ricky to calm it down. It was a tasty midnight snack. Ricky had an eating disorder so Andrew, being the psychologist he is, would take baby steps in recovery with the shit.
But well, the things that brain came up with…. God. So romantic.
Ricky was lying down next to his man child when he heard a shart so loud his eyes watered and cells started to die faster than usual. It was so awful he could feel it and… That’s why he suddenly came up with an idea. A shart so deadly it killed off excess cells… Wouldn’t it be so helpful for treatment? Cancer treatment.
“I have an idea pissy sissy.” He whispered into Andy’s ear, looking at himself from the reflection Andrew’s bald head provided. “What if we color your head blue and make you my skinny, naughty mega head?”
Andrew blushed and started even more before Ricky physically flew away. He heard Andy’s scream before blacking out and waking up in a small bed, gasping loudly. Where was his pissy sissy now?! He really left? Oh God, how would be manage without his babe?
He looked around with curious eyes, noticing how there were two other beds that were larger compared to the one he slept in, a nice smell of porridge coming from the kitchen. He slowly stood up, diaper so heavy he could move so slowly. But that didn’t matter.
But before he could do much, he saw three shadows in front of him. Baldielocks?! These bears… Was this early hair thinning? Yet Ricky didn’t have time to think.
“Mommy, he smells like shit!” The little baldielock cried out before the mom took out a mega sized horse dildo that probably didn’t even fit the dildo definition since it was bigger than the 800 pounds looking dad. “This will punish him sweetheart. Look behind.”
Soon, the bear started running towards him and Ricky screamed as loud as he can, running as well but having the bear chase him. However, he was saved. Andrew always saved him. And there he was, Ricky running into his arms actually. Yet he didn’t have the chance to hold onto him, falling down and waking up at the hospital.
“HU?!” He gasped and looked around, there was the doctor. “What happened to me!?!?”
“You are the 1st person to survive hyposhitemia shartcoma!”