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Chapter Text

Monday- 9:25 am- Maxident Magazine Corporate Office

“And only then will the people of Myanmar know true and lasting peace.” 

Felix finishes reading, shaking his head from his place hovering above Minho’s shoulder. He lets out a puff of air, causing his blonde bangs to flutter around his eyes. “Minho, it’s brilliant, it’s really moving…” 

Minho feels his face twitch involuntarily, knowing what is coming next. “But…”

“But , it’s never going to appear in Maxident Magazine.” Felix squeezes Minho’s shoulders and leaves a sloppy kiss on the top of his head before returning to his adjoining cubicle, abandoning Minho in his time of need. 

Minho has been working at Maxident for around three years. His dreams of becoming a serious journalist dashed when he received only one viable job offer out of grad school. Maxident isn’t his dream, but it was easy to fall into. 

He loves his coworkers, they’re actually his closest friends. He loves their office space, bright, eclectic, and full of life. He loves the ability to be himself at work, unconventional and gay, not having to pretend to be anything he’s not. Maxident is comfortable, it feels safe; but it will never be his dream.

“Why do I even try…” Minho lets out a loud groan, flopping back in his best impression of a ragdoll. 

“You try because you're smart, beautiful, horribly charming, and know you deserve better than this?” Felix looks over at Minho with his big sparkling eyes. 

It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself for too long if Felix is looking at you. His general being has magical properties; it’s highly annoying for people who love to mope, like he does. 

Minho lolls his head back farther. “Now that Nayeon has me stuck as her how-to guy I’m never going to break out of that role, am I?” he whines. 

Felix sighs loudly, “Well I have something that might cheer you up, Min!” Felix suddenly dives beneath his desk. His words are muffled as he digs around in a bottom drawer, “that Rolling Stone editor you’ve been shamelessly flirting with on the phone for months…” 

Minho gasps, instantly regaining human-like properties in his limbs. “He sent the tickets?!” 

Felix pops back up from under the desk envelope in hand, grinning. He cocks an eyebrow, waving it in front of his face teasingly. “That’s right! Jeongyeon tickets.”  

“Ooooooooohhh give me, give me!” Minho excitedly bounces over, trying to pluck the envelope from his friend’s hands. “I told you my brazen flirting would work out for us eventually!” 

Minho rips open the envelope, pulling out a piece of pink stationary. The editor, what was his name again? Jaehwan? Maybe it was Jaehyun… either way, Minho never plans on talking to him again. Jae-something-or-other had written him a love letter and folded it meticulously around the tickets. 

He carefully slides the tickets out, crumpling the letter portion of the envelope contents and tossing it in the trash. It would be a waste of his time to read over the useless drabble that was surely contained in the flowery pages. Ew. 

“Are you gonna take me as your date, baby?” Felix leans over the cubicle wall, puckering his lips in a kissy face, noises included. 

“Hmmm… That depends. What’s in it for me?” Minho pretends to inspect his nails, purposefully avoiding eye contact. “Are you a good date?” 

“I’ll consider putting out if you treat me right, big boy,” Felix drawls with an exaggerated wink.

Minho laughs loudly as he pushes Felix away with one palm flat against the blonde’s puckered lips.

“Hey!” A head of fluffy black hair appears over the other side of Minho’s cubicle. “Sorry to interrupt whatever, this… is,” the intruder, Jeongin, says, a wide, fox-like grin already painted across his face. “We have an all-staff meeting in thirty, and we can’t be late again or Nayeon will have our heads.” 

Felix brings his hands to his chest in mock horror. “In our defense, Innie, it’s not our fault that the new Princess Diana documentary aired at the exact same time as all-staff last week.” 

Minho nods his head solemnly in agreement. “Maybe Nayeon should be more considerate to our thoughts and feelings. To Diana’s thoughts and feelings.”

Jeongin’s grin grows even wider, a feat of nature. “Preaching to the choir, guys, but I’d really like us all to keep our jobs. Can you imagine how annoying Hyunjin would be if we all got fired?” 

At the mention of the fourth member of their group, all three whip around towards the final seat in their little office block. Minho detects no signs of life from the messy workspace. 

“Where is Hyunjin?” Minho grumbles. He knows where this is going. 

“I haven’t seen him all morning; I think he’s wallowing in his latest breakup,” Felix responds, words sounding a bit short.

Minho knows that even Felix, the sweet, sweet man that he is, is growing tired of Hyunjin’s antics, although the younger would never admit it out loud.

Minho clicks his tongue, rising from his chair with a flourish. “Alrighty then. It’s my turn to get him.” Pulling his fuzzy pink pen from behind his ear, he points the tip towards Felix. “Lix, you get coffee.” He swivels to face his other friend. “Jeongin, stall Nayeon for fifteen. Regroup at the meeting?”

“Ay-ay captain.” Jeongin gives a tiny salute and skitters off to work his magic on their boss. The man can get anything he wants with one flash of his toothy smile; he’s basically the god damned Cheshire cat. 

Minho turns to his computer, hitting the bright red X on the window containing the story he let Felix read, yet another that will never see print. He sighs. 

When he looks back up, Felix is already looking at him, a hint of sadness in his eyes. “Ready to go?” the other asks.

Minho huffs out an agreement, grabbing his tote bag in one hand and Felix in the other. 

No matter how bad his career troubles get, it could never compare to the disaster he is about to face: heartbroken Hyunjin. 

Monday- 9:30 am- JYP Entertainment 

Jisung loves his job. 

He is always reminded of this fact when he arrives at work on Monday mornings. Walking through the large glass doors at the entry of the highrise, his motorcycle helmet secured under his arm. 

JYP Entertainment occupies a large building in the dead center of the city; the modern interior is freshly remodeled and the lobby always bustling with people. Jisung has always wanted to be a music producer; it was just dumb luck to get picked up by one of the biggest entertainment agencies in the country. 

(Dumb luck and maybe a little bit of talent, he doesn’t like to sell himself short, of course.

Jisung loves that he can drive his motorcycle to work, he loves that he gets to spend all day working on music, and most of all, he loves his coworkers. Well, he loves most of his coworkers…

“Hello Jisung,” Momo deadpans as he joins her next to the elevator bank. 

She doesn’t even spare him a glance, apparently recognizing him by the sound of his footsteps. She often doesn’t need to look up to know who she’s talking to; Chan swears she has a sixth sense. She’s like… a freaky haunted porcelain doll in an ancient manor… or something. 

Momo flips the page of the glossy fashion magazine she is apparently engrossed in, casually skimming her eyes over the colorful pages. 

“Momo,” he greets back, flicking at the cover of her reading material. “Reading up on your girly tips this morning? Does that issue teach you how to do the grapefruit method? If so, I’ll take a look when you’re done.” Jisung lets the corner of his mouth curl up, unable to hold back his smirk. 

“Ha ha ha,” Momo intones, finally tipping her head up to make sure he can see her roll her eyes. “Dahyun and I have a meeting at Maxident today. Fastest growing women’s magazine in the country.” She tips up the magazine she’s holding so he can see the cover, ‘MAXIDENT MAG’ is printed across it in a bold pink font. “Considering they run highly respected reviews on our music in their little girly magazine, you might want to read up on more than just the grapefruit method.” 

Before he realizes what she’s doing she folds up the magazine and brings it down on the top of his head, shoving it into his arms after impact.

“Hey!” Jisung protests, rubbing his head where she whacked him. “Humane society!” 

The doors for the elevator open, revealing Momo’s partner in crime, Dahyun, her heels clack on the marble floor as she stalks up to them. “Hi Sungie,” she chirps, gleefully. “You finally decided to show up on time!”

Jisung scoffs at her shit eating grin. If Momo is a haunted doll, Dahyun is the freaky little-girl ghost girl who owns the doll; not any less horrifying, but significantly easier to talk to. 

“I figured if I was late again Seungmin might actually follow through on one of his many threats to publicly behead me,” Jisung says dryly. 

“Oh well, don’t let us keep you!” Dahyun pushes him in the direction of the open elevator, a few others already waiting inside looking annoyed he’s holding them up. “Ta-ta for now, Sung!” Dahyun wiggles her manicured fingers at him and lets Momo pull her away, their hands interlocked. 

Always something completely normal going on with those two. 

Jisung grumbles apologies to the others in the elevator and forcefully smashes the button for the 43rd floor. 

His office space is in a roomy industrial loft. The boss, Sana, always waffles some bullshit about the lack of walls being conducive to a creative music-making environment. Jisung’s team has their own studio space, nestled in the far corner of the large floor; a perk of being a production unit.

He stalks through the office, making sure to stop to say hello to his favorite girls on the floor, Sooyoung and Jungeun, so they can catch up about their weekends. 

When he finally passes through the open studio door, he sees that two of his partners are already there. Seungmin, at his corner desk, repeatedly tossing a baseball in the air, and Chan, already hunched over his computer, working on a track. 

“Wassup, daddio?” Jisung pokes Chan in the side, startling him out of his intense focus. The man is a machine when he’s in the zone.

“Sung, how many times have I told you to not call me daddy,” Chan complains halfheartedly, eyes not leaving his screen. 

Jisung pouts, tucking his helmet under his desk. “Channie it’s okay to admit you have a daddy kink, we won’t judge you.”
“I will,” Seungmin chimes in. As soon as Jisung makes eye contact with the demon, he chucks the baseball at Jisung’s head.

Jisung ducks out of the way in the nick of time, hands in front of his face. “Hey! Why is everyone acting violently towards me today! Am I the only one who had a good weekend?”

“Was it a good weekend because you were subjecting more unfortunate men to your penis?” Seungmin smiles up at him innocently, teeth on display.

“Something like that..” Jisung picks up the ball from where it has fallen on the ground and throws it right back at Seungmin’s head. He catches it, of course, the man has annoyingly fast reflexes for a nerd. 

“Orgy?” Seungmin’s smile grows even bigger, apparently pleased with himself.

Jisung narrows his eyes, ready to hit back. “Where were you this weekend, Seungmin, paying someone to tug on your balls?”

Seungmin scoffs. “I’ll have you know I just ended-” 

Chan cuts him off before he can finish, “Children, please, you’re giving me gray hair.”

Jisung rolls his eyes, dropping into his desk chair. “Ok, so I can’t call you daddy but you can imply it yourself. I see how it is.” He can see Chan stick his tongue out at him from the corner of his eye. 

Jisung has been working with his team for years. 

Chan had pseudo-adopted Jisung and Changbin after meeting them in a music production class in university. Once they started making music together, they realized their work was much better as a team, and the rest just followed. Jisung has always been creative, but working with Chan and Changbin feels like second nature. 

They got picked up by JYP as a trio, Jisung doubts that any one of them would have made it into such a large agency straight out of the gate on their own. 

Seungmin sort of just showed up one day; a musical prodigy, the man is good at everything, including being an annoying bastard. Seungmin was assigned to help out with an album they had been working on, working his charming wiles on Chan with his saccharine grin. Chan loves picking up strays, and Seungmin is exhibit C (Jisung and Changbin being A and B, respectively). 

The four of them are thick as thieves, they’re all best friends, even Jisung and Seungmin (though Jisung would rather submit to one of Seungmin’s execution threats than admit it).  

Jisung is clicking open his production applications when Changbin bursts through the door, a wild look in his eyes. “Did you hear!?” 

Jisung spins around, blinking up at the man. “That Jeongyeon is coming to town and Channie owes me $20 for saying she wouldn’t make a tour stop here?” 

“Well, no,” Changbin snorts. “But, Channie, he’s right, you need to pay up.”

“Tch.” Chan pulls a crisp bill out of his wallet, crumpling it up and tossing it at a cackling Jisung.

Changbin lets out a hearty laugh at the exchange, stopping when he remembers what he was going to say. “Jesus, you distract me so easily. Listen– Sungie, you were right. Hyuna is looking for someone to write and produce her new album. Start to finish– Sana wants to move on it aggressively.” He opens his arms wide, like he’s just pulled off a magic trick, shimmying his hands for extra effect. 

Jisung rockets out of his chair, throwing himself into Changbin’s open arms. “YES! Oh this is a FANTASTIC day, Binnie, this is a very good day!” he giggles as Changbin spins them around. He moves to Chan next, grabbing the man by his shoulders and shaking. “Channie! Do you know how good of a day this is? Hyuna is the most desired artist of our generation, if we can get in on her album, we’re basically at the top of the industry!” 

Jisung can feel the excitement radiating through every fiber of his being, bouncing on the balls of his feet as Chan chuckles. He’s been waiting for this moment since he convinced his boss to look into signing Hyuna with JYP.

“Tell him,” Seungmin’s voice cuts in from across the room, instantly causing his energy to nosedive.

“Tell me what?” Jisung feels a prickle of anxiety gathering in his stomach.

Chan sighs, running a hand through his curly hair. “Sana put DahMo on it.” 

The words hit Jisung like a brick. “No way,” he squeaks, shoulders sagging.

“Yes way,” Seungmin drones. 

“You know Sana is kind of partial to lesbians for some reason,” Changbin says sarcastically, moving to rub a comforting hand along Jisung’s back.

“Yeah, and we’re not the lesbian division,” Seungmin says, unhelpfully. Jisung scowls at him, but he just resumes tossing his baseball in the air. “We’re kind of the ‘queers and their weird and large straight friend division.’” Seungmin peeks up at Chan as soon as the words leave his mouth, lips twisting into a little smirk at the sight of the older man gaping at him. 

Jisung doesn’t know how Chan keeps letting Seungmin bait him so easily.  

“I’m ignoring that comment, Kim Seungmin, as we have discussed many times that all sexualities are perfectly valid and natural!” Seungmin’s smirk turns into a full grin as Chan stumbles over his words. 

“Chan straight, boo!” Seungmin shouts in the low voice he uses when he’s fucking around, attempting to egg Chan on further. 

“Anyway ,” Chan continues, actually ignoring him this time. “Hyuna wants a love album, and it’s just that love songs aren’t exactly our… forte.” 

Jisung screws his eyes shut, groaning. “DahMo are over at Maxident right now, I just need to talk to Sana before they complete the deal.”

“Ahh, except you can’t,” Seungmin chimes in again, looking down at his watch. “Because Sana is currently on a plane.”

“Fuck!” Jisung exclaims.

Changbin looks at him with pitying eyes, damn him. “It’s too late anyway, Sung, she’s already meeting the girls at Levanter for drinks tonight to go over their ideas.” 

“FUCK!” Jisung shouts louder. He sucks in a shaky breath before falling into his chair, running his hands down his face like The Scream. “No, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening! I was the one who tipped Sana off that Hyuna was looking for a new company!” This should be my get, it’s common courtesy. I need to make sure we get this album.” 

“That’s the spirit, Sungie!” Chan claps him on the back, sporting a cheeky grin. 

Changbin joins in, beginning to massage Jisung’s tense shoulders. “That’s what I’m talking about, Sung. Love the ambition.” 

Seungmin stares at them, gaze empty. “I-” he begins.

“Not a word out of you, Seungmin.” Jisung glares, causing the man to clamp his mouth shut. “Levanter. Tonight. I have a business meeting to attend.” 

Monday- 9:55 am- Hyunjin’s Apartment

Minho makes it to Hyunjin’s apartment in record time, thankful that the building is within walking distance of the office in moments like these. 

He raises his hand to pound on the wooden door. What is this, the fifth time this month that they’ve had to pull their friend out of his apartment? 

“Hyunjin! Open up!” Minho continues pounding on the thin wooden door. 

He really doesn’t want to have to use his spare key. Last time he was forced to use the spare key he walked in on that week’s boyfriend doing unspeakable things to Hyunjin, he shudders at the memory.

Just as Minho is about to swing his fist into another wall-rattling barrage of knocks, the door is flung open, revealing a red eyed Hyunjin. His long blonde hair is messy around his head like he hasn’t gotten out of bed in over 24 hours. He probably hasn’t, to be honest.

“Good morning sunshine!” Minho pushes past his friend, dropping a kiss on his cheek as he moves into the apartment. “You need to get dressed, we have a staff meeting in twenty minutes and I could only get Jeongin to work his magic for fifteen.” 

Minho stalks across the studio apartment to the overflowing closet, rifling through Hyunjin’s clothes in search of appropriate work attire. About 90% of Hyunjin’s wardrobe is see-through or otherwise blatantly revealing, making the task difficult. 

He hears Hyunjin flop onto his mattress, sighing dramatically. “I think I’ll just go back to bed. I have nothing to live for.” 

Minho spins around, leveling the man with his best evil glare. Hyunjin peeks at him from between his fingers. Minho knows, from experience, that the man is testing him; trying to get him to engage with his negativity.

When Minho refuses to dignify Hyunjin’s dramatics with a response, the blonde sighs again, louder. “Min, I’m serious, I think my organs are deteriorating, actually.”

Minho finally finds a shirt that isn’t horribly inappropriate, success! He pulls out a pair of slacks and throws both items of clothing over Hyunjin’s prone body on his way to the window across the room. He pulls back the curtains with a flourish. “Oh look! Jin, the sun’s out!” 

Hyunjin screeches as the sunlight hits his eyes. “Leave me alone to die !” he wails. 

This is worse than Minho expected. 

Hyunjin is known to have dramatic breakdowns rivaling those of 90s pop-stars. It isn’t that he’s unwell, per say, he just feels so much, ALL the time. Hyunjin falls into love quickly and lets it consume him. When things inevitably fall apart, so does he. 

Minho adores his friends. He never really had a family until he met Hyunjin, Felix, and Jeongin; but that does not mean that he will ever understand why or how Hyunjin deals with his… stuff. 

Minho himself is well practiced in his tried and true method for dealing with his emotions:

Step 1: Swallow down any big, life-ruining feelings; 

Step 2: Box that baby up and sequester it down, down, down; 

Step 3: Once safely buried in the deepest part of your chest, lock it up and throw away the key

Violà! 

It’s flawless, and, most importantly, easier on everyone, himself included, in the long run. Compartmentalizing, keeping things tucked away. It keeps his friends from worrying, and it keeps him from getting hurt. 

That’s what Minho tells himself, anyway. 

“Oh Jinnie, look,” Minho says gently, spreading out the blouse on Hyunjin’s bed. “This top will bring out your eyes, make them look even shinier than they already do!” 

“They’re shiny because I’m crying, Minho.” Hyunjin sniffles once, sticking out his bottom lip.

“To-may-to to-mah-to, I’m not letting you lose your job on top of everything else. Nayeon is already fed up with us. Let's go, Jinnie.” 

He holds a hand out to Hyunjin, but instead of allowing himself to be hauled up, the man grabs hold of Minho’s outstretched arm and pulls him down, locking him in a long-limbed embrace. 

“Oh, Minho!” Hyunin breaks into a fresh wave of sobs.

Minho attempts to untangle himself from gangly arms. “Jin, you only dated the guy for a week.”

Hyunjin tightens his legs around Minho’s waist, pulling him back onto the bed. “And it was the best week of my life!” 

Minho sighs, frustrated. This is going to take longer than usual.

*** 

By the time Minho manages to pull Hyunjin out of the apartment, dressed and hair (mostly) brushed, they walk up to their building with only five minutes to spare. 

Felix trots up, falling in step with them as soon as they enter the lobby. He’s holding a drink tray with four cups snug inside. He must have been waiting for them to arrive before going back upstairs.

“Hi Jinnie!” Felix says, cheerfully.

Hyunjin lifts his head to look at Felix with sad, puppy dog eyes. “Hi…” 

Minho winces, dropping his hold on Hyunjin’s arm in favor of taking the drink tray from Felix. He knows that Felix will be much more help comforting Hyunjin with physical affection than he could ever be.

“Are you-” Felix tries again.

“I don’t want to talk about it…” Hyunjin looks at his feet as Felix coddles him, the younger pushing Hyunjin’s hair from his eyes and holding onto his arm like it’s going to fall off. 

They have barely gotten two feet closer to the elevator when Hyunjin breaks the silence he created, wailing once more, “WHY does this always happen to me!?” He sounds on the brink of tears. Minho sincerely hopes he won’t start crying in the lobby of their corporate building right now. “Things were going so well for a week,” a whimper. “And then, all of a sudden, poof! It’s done!” He brings his hands up, mimicking a small explosion. 

“Oh, Jinnie.” Felix strokes his hair comfortingly. 

“Everyone always tells me I’m such a catch!” Hyunjin continues.

The men board the elevator, still huddled close together. 

Minho lets out a short laugh. “Your mom doesn’t count, Jin.” 

This earns him a glare from Felix, who has produced a tissue from his bag and is dabbing it under Hyunjin’s eyes.

“Well, I just don’t understand! I mean, the first time we had sex, it was so beautiful that..” Hyunjin pauses his monologue to sniffle. “That i cried.” 

Felix visibly cringes. “Jinnie, you mean like, a couple of tears slipped out because the orgasm was so good, right?” 

Hyunjin clutches Felix’s arm harder, pressing red spots into his skin. “No! I was like, really emotional! I told him I loved him!” 

They’ve finally reached their floor, making their way to Nayeon’s office as quickly (or slowly) as Hyunjin’s mourning steps allow. 

Minho’s jaw drops at the confession. All this time, and Hyunjin still manages to surprise him. “After how many days, Hyunjin?”

“Five…” Hyunjin refuses to make eye contact.

“Jin,” Felix warns.

“Okay, two!” Hyunjin blubbers. 

Felix gasps preposterously. Eyes comically widened in shock. 

“I was trying to be honest! You know how I like to be honest. I have a lot of feelings, and I just wanted to share what I was feeling because I love being honest SO much!” Hyunjin rushes out before he can be cut off.

Minho just stares, he can feel the twinges of a stress migraine coming on. “And what did he say?” 

“Well, he didn’t have to say anything. I could see in his eyes that he felt the same way, you know?” Hyunjin frantically flicks pleading looks between Minho and Felix. “That’s another one of my skills! I’m good at reading people.” 

Felix presses his fingers to his temples. Maybe Minho’s oncoming migraine is contagious. 

Hyunjin ignores the exasperated looks pointed his way. “But then, he started getting, like, really busy. Like, I kept texting him, and he was never answering, and so I started calling him, and he still wasn’t answering,” he trails off.

“You called him, Hyunjin? In this day and age?” Minho sputters.

“I didn’t leave a message!” 

Felix shoots Hyunjin a dangerous side eye. “Wouldn’t he know it was you who kept calling?” 

“No, no, I used *67.” Hyunjin smiles like he’s a genius.

Minho feels his soul leave his body right then and there. For being a well-adjusted adult with a real job and two degrees, he has truly managed to find the stupidest friends. 

“Oh good, yeah, I’m sure he thought it was just one of his friends, or, like, those robocalls,” Felix says, trying to be at least a bit comforting.

“Yeah,” Minho adds, sarcastically. “Men tend to repeatedly call their friends' phones from blocked numbers without leaving a message. Very inconspicuous.” Felix whacks his arm, causing the drinks to jostle around. “Ow! Watch it!”

Hyunjin ignores them, Minho doubts the man is taking in anything either of them are saying. 

“I know why he dumped me,” Hyunjin pauses, shoulders slumping down. 

Minho raises an eyebrow at him, daring him to continue. 

“I’m ugly! That’s why!”

“Oh my god,” Minho whines, half considering dumping the tray of drinks over Hyunjin’s head.

“I’m horribly ugly and that’s why every man I’ve ever loved has broken my heart!” 

Felix keeps rubbing his hands up and down Hyunjins arms, brows knitted. “Jinnie, please, you are not ugly. How many times has the advertising department asked you to model on shoots for the magazine?”

Minho nods in agreement. “Any normal man would have run the other way if their partner acted the way you acted, Jin.” 

He’s finally able to set the coffee tray down as they arrive outside of Nayeon’s office. He begins lifting the drinks out of the holder, passing them out to their respective owners. 

“No man would ever dump you, Minho!” Hyunjin protests, taking his drink and sipping sadly on the straw. “You could do all of those things and shoot a man and he’d still be bleeding out at your feet begging, ‘Oh please, Minho! Do it again!’” Hyunjin acts out his grim scenario, pretending to flail around as if he’s been horribly wounded. 

It’s a true miracle that this man didn’t end up with a career in theater. 

Minho shoves Jeongin’s drink into Hyunjin’s empty hand and pushes him through the door of the office. “Okay, that is both extremely dramatic and also categorically untrue.” 

Jeongin is already settled on one of Nayeon’s three office couches. Minho doesn’t understand why their boss insists on having staff meetings in such a casual setting. The rest of their coworkers are already fanned out across the floor. Jiwoo looks to be meditating.

Nayeon loves to spout bullshit about creative energy flowing better when everyone is comfortable; she calls her staff, “family,” and refuses to allow anyone to wear shoes during meetings. 

Minho hates his job. 

Felix settles in between Hyunjin and Minho on the sofa, slipping his shoes off and bringing his legs up beneath him. “If anyone did the things you did, Jin, they’d be dumped too. Even Minho.” He punctuates his comment with an air of finality. Minho is grateful. He’s already exhausted and the day has barely begun. 

Jeongin elbows him in the side and meets his eyes with a questioning look. 

“I’ll tell you later,” he whispers.

Nayeon swishes into her office in a colorful, and confusingly fashionable, moo-moo. 

“Ok family, shoes off, get comfortable!” She claps once as she gracefully lowers herself onto a large purple cushion, eyes glossing over the small crowd she’s gathered. “One, two, three, deep breath.” The room collectively inhales at her command. “And out. Ahhhhh.” 

Besides being a fucking weirdo about the setting and general vibe of her meetings, Nayeon also insists on leading a group breathing exercises before every all-staff. She says it makes them feel ‘connected’. 

Minho doesn’t follow along with her game, just sits on the couch that probably costs more than his rent, and stares down his boss with her perfectly shaded eyelids closed. It amazes him that someone can be so elegant, yet so energetic at the same time. 

Nayeon is always completely chic. Her long, deep brown hair falls flat down her back, nails immaculate. Even though her clothes are gaudy and bright, they’re still tasteful, always on trend. Despite her expensive look and general aura, she is always loud, bouncing around the office talking to everyone, her bunny-toothed smile on full display. 

As far as bosses go, she isn’t the worst Minho’s ever had. She’s encouraging, but firm when she needs to be. Her biggest fault is how she refuses to be swayed from her ways. She never lets Minho write anything of substance. He’s stuck in a to-do box. 

Minho silently curses Nayeon from across the room. He hates his job, but he loves his coworkers, and he loves the paycheck. 

The group lets out their last breath together. Minho blinks, pretending that he had been playing along with the silly ritual as the rest of his coworkers open their eyes.

Nayeon is brought to life all at once. “Ok Jiwoo, let’s start with you!” She pulls out her notebook and pen, ready to listen to everyone’s updates. 

“Well… I just finished the story on that company that was mistreating their idols and wouldn’t let them go outside. Horrible, sad, sad story, but…  it has a happy ending, so the vibe is upbeat!” Jiwoo’s eyes light up from under her feathery bangs.

Minho has never met a cuter woman in his life. Jiwoo is irritatingly lovable, despite her proclivity for making everything so god damned positive. 

“Now I’m working on ‘What Your Gyno Won’t Tell You,’ which is also scary, but you know, upbeat. I also finished my research on those lipsticks that put people in the hospital…” This earns a murmur from the group, Jiwoo pushes on, nodding solemnly. “Yeah, yeah… it’s terrible. Totally the fault of rampant capitalism…” She pauses for a moment, eyes showing a glimpse of disdain, quickly replaced with her usual cheeriness. “But…. Surprisingly upbeat!” Jiwoo’s face splits into a wide smile. She sticks out both of her hands in a cheeky thumbs up. On anyone else it would look stupid, but somehow, Jiwoo makes everything seem genuine. 

“Fantastic!” Nayeon claps a few times, turning ominously towards him. “Minho, what’s new in how to?”

Minho feels dozens of eyes turn to him. Gross. 

“Well, I’ve actually been working on something a little different,” he tries, carefully. “It’s not a how-to piece, it’s a political piece?” the end of his sentence involuntarily rises, like he’s asking a  question. He cringes at his own lack of confidence, already embarrassed by the impending rejection. 

Nayeon burns holes through his head with her eyes. “Minho. No. We have been over this. We work at Maxident magazine. We focus on entertainment, trends, fashion, and gossip. We do not get political.” 

“Ok, but-” Minho scrambles for any excuse, only to be cut short.

“No. Minho, look, I know columns aren’t your favorite, but once you turn your how-to’s into a must-read, we can discuss moving you somewhere else and giving you a bit more… creative liberty.” Nayeon runs a hand down her already immaculately flat hair as she crushes his ego into oblivion. “Until then, it's whatever I want. Capiche?” 

“Understood.” He clenches his jaw. Felix brings a hand up to rub circles into his back. 

Nayeon barely falters for a moment, back to her rundown. “Hyunjin, what do you have for us?” she asks. 

Hyunjin tenses at the sound of his name, hands balling into fists in his lap. “Uh, sorry Nayeon, I haven’t really been feeling the best, so I don’t really have much,” he mutters. 

“He got dumped,” Felix helpfully supplies, abandoning his work on Minho’s back to tend to Nayeon’s latest victim. 

“Oh no!” Jiwoo cries, looking up from her spot on the floor. She looks like she might actually cry just from the simple mention of heartbreak. Seriously, how is this girl real? 

“Oh, Hyunjin…” Nayeon simpers. “What a hellish ordeal for you. But I must say, you look gorgeous! Doesn’t Hyunjin look gorgeous, everyone?” She raises her palms to the sky like she’s calling on a higher power, summoning words of agreement from across the room. Their coworkers ooh and aah, shouting out short encouragements. 

Hyunjin shrinks under the attention, folding in on himself. “Thanks, guys. I haven’t really been doing my skincare routine since the split, so I don’t feel very deserving of praise.” 

“Great!” Nayeon claps loudly, causing a few in the room to startle. “Write about it!” 

Hyunjin looks panicked. “I- I can’t use my personal life for a story!” 

“I completely understand,” Nayeon pouts, oozing with faux empathy as she turns to address the group at large. “Now who will use Hyunjin’s personal life for a story?” 

“Oh! I will!” Another coworker, Jimin, quickly raises his hand to jump on the opportunity.

“No, no, no, no, no, Nayeon, with all due respect, Jimin has no business poking around in my personal life.” Hyunjin looks to be on the edge of having another meltdown. 

“I’ll do it!” Minho spits out before he can properly think, desperate to keep Hyunjin meltdown-free for at least another hour. 

“What?!” Hyunjin’s jaw drops, twisting his neck to look at Minho in horror.

“I’ll do… a spin on it!” Minho rushes, hands up in a defensive position as he waffles. “You’ll be my inspiration, Jin!” 

“Inspiration for what…” Nayeon sounds unconvinced.

Minho’s brain goes haywire, latching onto the first solid thought it can and running with it, words spilling out, “I mean, look at Hyunjin. He’s great, some may even say, he’s a catch.” He gestures wildly to his friend, earning nods from a couple of his coworkers and a frown from Hyunjin himself. “But, he has a problem hanging onto relationships… and he can’t figure out why! Which is something, I’m sure, a lot of our readers can relate to!” 

“Mhm…” Nayeon taps her pen against her chin, intrigued.

Minho takes her silence as confirmation to continue. “I can do a little experiment… Start dating a guy, but then drive him away using the classic mistakes that Hyunjin, and our readers, may make. It’ll be like a how-to, but in reverse.” He mentally pats himself on the back for the light-speed gymnastics his brain just did. 

“A what NOT to do!” Nayeon says excitedly. “A how-to lose a guy. That’s Brilliant. Ok, Yeojin, what’s new in the shoe world?”

Hyunjin aggressively mouths a thank you across the sofa as soon as Nayeon’s attention leaves them. Minho lets out a long breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

Hyunjin owes him. Hyunjin owes him so hard . 

He allows himself to space out during the rest of the meeting, having fulfilled his duties as an employee and as a friend. 

Eventually, Felix shakes his shoulder, notifying him that the meeting has ended. They lift off the couch, filing out after Jeongin, who is having some sort of discussion with Jeongin about music as they head back into the office. 

Nayeon walks with their group to the center of the office space where they come face to face with two unfamiliar women. 

“Ah, here’s my 12:00! Welcome to our home!” Nayeon twits. Her insistence on speaking like they’re playing house at work is even more embarrassing when she’s talking to outsiders. 

“Family, this is Kim Dahyun and Hirai Momo from JYP. We’re looking to run features on some of their fabulous artists for the year end edition!” she cheerfully tells the men, quickly turning to continue her introductions. “Ladies, this is Yang Jeongin, fashion and trends,” Jeongin raises his hand in a tiny wave. “Hwang Hyunjin, health and beauty.”

“Hi,” Hyunjin delivers the saddest sounding greeting Minho has ever heard.

Nayeon glosses over his sour mood. “Lee Felix, pop culture guru, and Lee Minho, our how-to aficionado!” 

Felix and Minho politely smile. 

“Oh my god! I’ve seen your column, Minho, I loved the one where you flirted your way out of parking tickets,” Dahyun praises.

Minho tilts his head down, chuckling, “Ah, thank you, it’s nothing, really.” 

“What are you working on now?” Momo asks.

Nayeon speaks up before Minho can even open his mouth, “Oh, it’s so exciting, he’s doing how-to LOSE a guy! He’s actually going to find a man, start dating him, and then completely obliterate their relationship as fast as he can!” She’s way too excited about this idea.

“Sounds needlessly vicious, I love it,” Momo laughs.

“It’s going to be fabulous, but he’s already wasting time, he should be off finding the lucky man right now! Go, go, go!” Nayeon brings her hands up to shoo the boys away, clearly done with the conversation. “Ladies, this way to my sanctuary.” She puts a hand on each of the women’s backs to lead them back to her office. 

“Nice to meet you!” Felix calls as they walk away. 

Jeongin rolls his eyes at their boss’ behavior. “A pleasure, as usual.” 

Hyunjin is on Minho as soon as the women disappear around the corner, tangling his lanky limbs around his torso and kissing every inch of his face. “Oh Minho, thank you, thank you, thank you so much! You’re the best friend in the whole world!” 

“Auuuch!” Minho swats his kisses away, feigning disgust. “Jinnie, you’re welcome but I don’t know where your mouth has been, please keep that to yourself.” 

“It hasn’t been anywhere since he left me!” Hyunjin defends, squeezing Minho’s waist tighter.

Minho pushes the boy’s hair back, sighing, “Ok, Jin, you’re welcome, but you owe me. Also, who’s up for man hunting at Levanter tonight?” 

“Oh! Me! I love watching men try to flirt with you, Minho!” Jeongin perks up.

Felix giggles cutely. “Drinks and a show! How can I resist?” 

Let the games begin.

Chapter Text

(TITLE TBD) - By Lee Minho

Step 1: Hook the Guy

How can I possibly lose a guy if I don’t have one to begin with? Now, listen, I am notoriously picky about men. I have high standards and higher self esteem, sue me! For my experiment to work, I need someone who is looking for a commitment; something I usually stay far, FAR, away from. I am searching for a man who knows what he wants, and what he wants has to be a commitment with me. If I find someone looking for one night of fun, there’s no way they’ll stick around past my first few tricks. I need someone in it for the long haul. A man so utterly begotten with me that he can’t help but stick around for a little bit of crazy.

Obviously, I am well practiced in the, ‘attracting delicious men’ department– but if you’re following along with my little how-to and need tips on hooking a guy, check out my past columns: How to Lock Down Your Dream Man, and, How to Make Him Fall in Love Using Only Your Mouth! 

Monday - 6:54 pm - Levanter

“Min, you’re never going to pull this off,” Felix says.

They walk in pairs down the sidewalk towards Levanter. Minho has Felix nestled into his side, clinging to his arm, and Hyunjin and Jeongin following shortly behind them. They’re all dolled up for a night out, even though it's seven PM on a Monday. Working at a fashion magazine sure is whacky!

“Oh ye of little faith, Lixie,” Minho grins. “Tonight, I’ll hook a guy, and on our next date I’ll start acting deranged. Before you know it, he’ll be running for his life!” There’s a small skip in his step, excited at the chance to play with his food a little bit.

“You’re not going to set his apartment on fire, right? We know you have that little arsonist streak in you…” Jeongin pipes up.

Minho swivels his head to glare at him. “Oh my god, Innie, no! I’m limiting myself to only doing things the average person may do wrong in relationships; the things we know men hate.” 

“Oh! Oh! Call him in the middle of the night and tell him every time you thought about how much you love him during the day!” Felix suggests, giddy.

“What’s wrong with that?” Hyunjin’s voice breaks through the laughs as they arrive in front of the bar. 

Minho’s eyes might pop out of his skull the way he’s looking at Hyunjin. The group falls silent, staring at the man in disbelief. 

Hyunjin cracks a smile, “Guys, I’m joking.” 

“Aha! Good one, Jinnie!” Jeongin deadpans, dropping Hyunjin’s arm and pushing him forcefully towards the door. He meets eyes with Minho and Felix as he does, conveying his disbelief at their friend’s lame joke. 

Minho and Felix move to follow when a woman with bright orange hair cuts them off. She quickly turns around, realizing what she’s done. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” she apologizes.

“Don’t worry about it, go ahead.” Minho waves his hand out to let her enter before him. She is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful women he’s ever seen. 

She floats inside of the bar, leaving a cloud of flowery, feminine perfume and a gaping Felix in her wake. 

“Oh my god… who do I have to kill to look like that…” 

Minho rolls his eyes. “C’mon, Lix, jaw off the floor, we have work to do,” he tuts.

Then he steps into his hunting grounds.

Monday - 6:55 pm - Levanter

Jisung sits, legs crossed, completely relaxed, at the private table Sana has reserved at Levanter. 

He arrived early, keen to make the most of the element of surprise, knowing that Sana is always exactly on time. He pulls out his phone to send a quick text to his group chat, updating them on his progress.

3Racha + 1 Annoying Twink (Group Chat)

 

Me

im in

waiting for the girls to show

 

Channie

You got it, Sung! 

 

Binnie

fighting! 

 

Annoying Twink

did u wear ur paper bag?  

dont want the girls to run screaming when they see ur face

 

Channie

Seungminnie, play nice. Your brother is doing this for all of us.

 

Annoying Twink

uwu sowwy daddy 🥺

Jisung scoffs, clicking his phone off. 

He can’t let Seungmin rile him up before he goes into negotiating this deal. He knows Seungmin is just playing up their banter, but that doesn’t make him any less annoying.

One time, when Seungmin was blackout drunk, he admitted that he thinks Jisung is a “very pretty man.” (After his confession he immediately vomited on Jisung’s shoes and fell asleep on the floor, but that’s neither here nor there). 

Besides, the most unsettling part of any text conversation in their group chat is the way Chan texts in full sentences (with proper grammar!). 

Jisung taps his foot mindlessly, they should be here soon, if his calculations are correct…

“Jisung! What are you doing here?” His boss stalks up to the table, long orange hair falling in waves around her shoulders, DahMo are hot on her five inch heels. 

Sana is truly a presence; Jisung would be half in love with her if she wasn’t horrifying and also a raging lesbian. She’s beautiful, of course, always sporting a bright hair color. She speaks softly and kindly, but carries a powerful importance in her gaze. She’s like a goddess that has been plucked out of the heavens and made to live her life as a human. She scares the absolute shit out of Jisung, but he can’t deny that it makes him a little bit excited. 

He quickly shakes off his nerves. Projecting confidence is one of his most practiced and fine tuned acts, he’s fucking fantastic at it. “Sana!” He rises to pull out her chair. “I’m here for the meeting.”

Momo sneers, pushing his hand away as he moves to pull out her chair next. “ You weren’t invited.” 

Jisung laughs like she’s said something marvelously funny, sitting back down. “Well, Momo, I should have been! It was my tip that Hyuna was looking for a new company.” 

“Of course it was, Jisung, but I always have to think about who’s best suited for each album specifically,” Sana says in her soft way, resting her delicate hand on top of his. Sana could tell someone she just killed their dog and they’d probably still say thank you. 

Jisung breaks away from her mesmerizing gaze, reminding himself to focus on the task at hand. “Yes of course, Sana, and I believe that’s me. I know my team can handle this production.” 

Sana sighs, fluttering her lashes prettily. “Jisung, your team can produce an album better than anyone else in the company, but you guys don’t do love songs. The girls…” She waves a finger between Momo and Dahyun, both sitting looking smug. “The girls do love and romance better than anyone else in the business.” 

Jisung tries to start arguing again but is cut off by Sana’s flat palm, signaling that she’s not finished. He immediately snaps his mouth shut.

“We need to put forth our best, Jisung, this is the biggest pull we’ve had in years. Hyuna would be our best selling artist of all time, this album could make us millions.” 

She lowers her hand back to the table, lightly grabbing the fruity drink a waiter has dropped off for her and taking a sip. 

“Yes, of course, I completely understand, and we can do that for you. I know we can!” he insists. 

Momo and Dahyun shoot daggers at him across the table, fuming at his interruption of their meeting. 

Jisung smirks at them before launching into his big sales pitch. “Love songs are classic, they’re as old as time, they’re for everyone. Since the first time each of us is exposed to the media, we know what love is and how it’s conveyed. My team wants to create an album that can resonate with everyone: gay, straight, young, old. That’s how we get the best sales on Hyuna’s album. Listen, we create all sorts of stuff, we have experience in different genres and styles. I also know that each of my guys, and myself, have all been in love before. We know what love feels like, we’ve experienced it. We can do this!” he finishes confidently.

Sana looks at him, appraisingly. “Well, I do like the sound of that.” 

“We don’t!” Dahyun yelps, showing a sheepish smile when Sana turns to look at her. “We don’t like that.” 

Momo picks up where she leaves off, “Love is deeply personal, it’s individual. While music should be palatable to everyone by sound, the actual artistry of the lyrical process and production… it’s more than that” 

“Writing and producing a love album is like falling in love. It tells a story! A personal one. The process can’t be sterile and without feeling. There’s nothing as beautiful as the raw emotion and feeling of falling in love!” Dahyun brings a clenched fist to her chest for emphasis. “That’s what the process should be like. We can do that in a way that Jisung, who clearly doesn’t understand the concept of a committed relationship, never could,” Dahyun finishes Momo’s spiel without skipping a beat. 

Are their brains connected? 

Jisung pokes his tongue into his cheek, annoyed that she has called him out for being a commitment-phobe in front of Sana. He just doesn’t do relationships. It’s not for him. He hates the idea of being attached to anyone for longer than a few days. Being accounted for, someone accounting for him. Yuck.

Momo’s face softens into what could be called pity. If Jisung thought the woman was physically capable of feeling that particular emotion, he might actually believe she feels bad.

“You know, Sung, you can’t feel bad about not being able to commit; most men can’t.” She tilts her head, putting on the show of her life pretending to care. Jisung sees right through her. Two words: Haunted. Doll. 

Dahyun smirks, arm falling over the back of Momo’s chair. “Sana, look around this room. Many of the people in this bar are looking to fall in love.”

Jisung sees an opening and jumps, “Right! The skills needed to write and produce this album are the same ones needed to make someone fall in love.” 

“I’m not talking about lust, Jisung.” Momo’s facade falls, openly glaring at him now. “You do lust. You do ‘one night and never see them again.’ I’m talking about love.” 

Jisung grits his teeth. “I’m on the same page! I swear. At the end of the day doesn’t everyone want a deep, meaningful, head-over-heels, you’re my soulmate type of love? Even if I don’t show it, that’s exactly what I want, too!” 

He’s lying through his teeth. Momo looks nonplussed, but Sana stares at him in interest.

“I love people of any kind. Men, women, neither, both, I don't care. I respect people, and their feelings. I am also a… listener! Yeah, a listener. To the people I’m… courting. I believe I can sell myself– my love– to anyone, anywhere, any time,” he forces out the last words, happy that the goose chase his brain is on has produced a somewhat coherent thought.

“Make someone fall in love with your music, Jisung, or with you?” Dahyun questions.

“Well… either one,” he replies.

Sana laughs her twinkly laugh. “That’s a little bit cocky, Jisung!” 

He puts his hands up in defense. “No, no! Not cocky, confident!” 

“Ok. Then prove it,” Momo clips.

“What?” Jisung bleats, surprise evident in his voice.

Momo sits back, cool as can be. “I’d like to see you prove it, Jisung. Make someone fall in love with you.”

“What are you…” He’s having a hard time keeping up.

“JYP is hosting a party for Hyuna at the end of the month, to welcome her to the company. Do you think you can make someone fall in love with you by then?” asks Dahyun, gleefully.

“The end of the month…” Jisung thinks for a moment. Surely, he can win someone over with his charisma by the end of the month… It won’t be particularly easy… and Seungmin is definitely going to laugh in his face… but… “Sure, I can do that,” he decides. 

The chance to produce this album is more important than any impending humiliation from one Kim Seungmin. 

“Any person we choose?” Momo narrows her eyes at him.

“Any single, available, interested-in-men person. Yes,” he tries to sound confident, even though the ball of anxiety resting in his gut is telling a different story. 

“We’re not trying to trick you, Sungie,” Dahyun pouts.

He doubts that.

“In fact, I bet we can choose a person right here, right in this bar! And you can decide if you can hook them.” 

Sana claps, apparently delighted. “Oooh! I love games!” 

“Alright,” Jisung grits out. “Who's the lucky winner?”

“Let's see here…” Momo’s gaze roves over the crowd, landing on a woman that has to be about 65. Her bright red wig is tilted on her head, a large fur coat wrapped around her body. Momo grins ear to ear, meeting his eyes deviously.

“No, Momo, you have to be fair,” he pleads. 

“Don’t be too mean, Mo,” Dahyun continues looking around, face falling into complete peace as she finds what she’s looking for. “It’s him,” she sounds sure. 

This cannot be good. 

“Him who?” Jisung attempts to follow her point. 

“Him,” she grabs both sides of his face and wrenches his head in the direction of the target. “Low cut white top, black slacks, pretty smile.” 

“Him?” Momo seems genuinely caught off guard by the suggestion. 

Jisung chalks her strange reaction up to surprise that Dahyun has picked someone so pretty for him to work with. The man is gorgeous. Damn it. 

“Done,” Jisung states. 

“What?” Momo turns her surprise towards him.

“Done,” he repeats. “But here’s the stakes; when I win this bet, I get the album.”

“Agreed,” Dahyun looks pleased with herself. 

“Yeah, okay,” Momo asserts.

Sana bounces up and down in place, giddy. “Yay! What fun! Sungie, if you come to the party with that man, and he’s really in love with you, the album is yours.” 

Dahyun raises her glass, an ominous toothy grin spreading slowly across her face. “To Hyuna!” 

They clink their glasses together. Cheers!

Jisung can’t take his eyes off of the man he’s been bound to. He’s a lucky son of a bitch. 

He stands abruptly. “If you'll excuse me ladies, I have a bet to win.” He takes Sana’s hand, kissing it lightly, as he stalks off to regroup before moving in on his man. 

(If Jisung had been paying attention when he got up to leave, he would have heard Dahyun’s muttered question to Momo:

“Don’t you recognize him?” 

He also would have seen Momo’s eyes widen in realization.

But, alas, Jisung had not, in fact, been paying attention. 

Oh, bother!) 

Monday - 7:10 pm - Levanter

Minho and his friends stand huddled around a high-top table.

They’ve managed to find a spot with a good view of the room, the bar pretty crowded for a weeknight. Hyunjin bought them a round of drinks, Minho opting for two shots of tequila (for luck), downing one immediately and saving one for later. 

If all goes to plan, a handsome man will be buying him his usual whiskey sour very soon. 

“Why are we at this bar, again?” Jeongin questions, swirling his straw in his fruity cocktail.

“Levanter is the hot spot for up and coming sexually ambiguous young people,” Felix explains. “Expensive enough that the patrons have good jobs, and trendy enough that straight people haven’t quite found out about it yet.” 

Minho laughs, Felix should really be in advertising instead of fashion.

“Then why is he taking so long to decide?” Jeongin complains, speaking about Minho like he’s not there. 

Hyunjin starts humming the Jeopardy theme song as Minho carefully sifts through the crowd for a suitable victim. 

Felix smacks Jeongin’s shoulder. “Don’t pressure him! He’s carefully selecting!” 

Minho hums in agreement, “Exactly.” He looks around the room a bit more before his eyes latch onto a man sitting at the bar. “Oh, see that guy over there. Pink hair, deadly stare, tiny little waist?” 

“Oooh, yum,” Hyunjin squeals.

“Very cute,” Felix confirms. 

Jeongin’s also nodding.

“Think I have a shot?” Minho asks.

“Oh my god, yes!” Felix yells, nearly blowing his eardrums out.

Minho grins, throwing back his second shot and cracking his neck resolutely. “Alright, let’s do this.” 

His friends cheer as he heads towards his target.

He arms his way through the crowd. God it's busy. He mutters out half-hearted ‘excuse me’s’, finally managing to reach the bar.

He drops himself into the chair next to the pink-haired man, causing the guy to glance up at the commotion. He meets Minho’s eyes, expectantly. 

Minho automatically turns on his flirt, it’s second nature at this point. He allows his eyelids to become seductively heavy, runs his tongue over his lips before biting down on his lower lightly. The movement successfully captures the man’s attention, eyes flicking down to Minho’s mouth. 

“Hi,” Minho coos.

The man smiles softly, turning to face him more fully. “Hi.” 

“You know…” Minho starts drawing patterns into the top of the bar with his fingertip, slowly inching closer to the man’s resting hands. “Someone as handsome as you shouldn’t be sitting here all alone.” 

The man lets out a surprised laugh, light blush rising prettily across his cheeks. Does he usually not get hit on? That would be truly shocking. 

“Maybe I can make your night a little more… exciting?” Minho flutters his eyelashes in the way he knows boys love. “I’m Minho.” 

“Seonghwa,” he answers. 

“Pretty name for a pretty man,” Minho drawls.

A third voice stops Minho in his tracks. “Babe, are you ready to go?”

“And this is my husband, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says, clearly flustered as a smaller man waltzes up, wrapping his arms around Seonghwa’s waist protectively, kissing the side of his neck. 

“Oh, god, sorry I had no idea,” Minho quickly stutters out.

Hongjoong seems surprised that someone else is talking, looking away from his husband’s face for the first time. “Oh, hi! It’s our first time in the city, so we still have some stops to hit tonight.” He doesn’t seem to realize Minho had been gunning for his husband, face cheerful.

Minho awkwardly straightens up. “Right! Sorry, oh my god, you guys have fun! The gay club on 8th street is banging if you’re looking to dance!” 

He forces a tight smile as the men excuse themselves, Seonghwa looking at him pityingly. Minho moans, dropping his head into his hands. Did he really just describe a club as ‘banging’? Jesus fucking Christ. This is not going well. 

He lifts his head, trying to locate his friends through the crowd. When he spots them, Hyunjin raises his hands in a question. “What happened?” the man mouths. 

Minho holds up his left hand for his friends to see, wiggling his ring finger. Jeongin understands what he’s saying immediately, his face scrunching up, cringing. He doesn’t have time to assess what Felix and Hyunjin think of his problem because someone is tapping on his shoulder. 

He spins around, face to face with a man around his height, medium-length black hair parted around his forehead. He’s looking at Minho with large, sparkling eyes. His cheeks are deliciously round, mouth lifted into a heart shaped grin. 

Oh my god, he is exactly Minho’s type. Dark hair, big eyes, cute face, his shirt tucked into his slacks to show off a sinfully tiny waist. He might be able to wrap both of his hands around that waist and make his fingers meet in the middle… 

“Hi,” the man begins, breaking Minho out of his borderline inappropriate thoughts. 

“Hi,” Minho says, a smile playing at his lips. 

“Hi.” The man smiles bigger, if that’s even possible.

“Lee Minho.” He sticks his hand out gently.

“Han Jisung.” 

Minho has to bite his cheek to stop from grinning when he feels the strong way Jisung’s hand closes around his. This one is dangerous. “Cute,” he says simply. 

“Beautiful.” Jisung drops his hand, but doesn’t break eye contact.  

“I meant your name,” he fires back, teasingly.

“Ah,” Jisung pauses, biting his lip. “I meant you.” 

Oh isn’t this one a little rascal. Minho adores a man that can keep up with him. “Into men?” 

“Obviously,” Jisung scoffs.

Minho smirks a little. “Single?” 

“At this moment, yes,” Jisung purrs, gaze dropping to Minho’s lips.

“Likewise.”

Jisung looks stunned, albeit happy. “Really? Is something wrong with you? Are your looks deceiving?” 

“Usually I’m not interested in anyone, but I’m thinking about making an exception.” Minho brings a hand up to lightly rest on Jisung’s chest, which is deliciously chiseled, by the way, and leans into him slightly. “Allergic to cats?” he asks. It’s one of the most crucial prerequisites to any man he entertains.

“No,” Jisung laughs. 

“Interested in buying me dinner?” Minho blinks his long lashes up at Jisung, seductively.

“I’d take you anywhere, baby.” Jisung reaches up and swipes some errant hairs out of Minho’s eyes. 

Oof. On any normal night, Minho would probably be feeling this guy up in the back of an uber by this point. Jisung is probably a fantastic lay. It’s too bad, really, that this isn’t a normal night.

“Alright, let's go.” Minho slips out of his chair.

Jisung falters for a second, but then follows Minho’s lead. “Now?” He must have assumed Minho wanted to get dinner at a later point in time. Fuck that. He’s hungry.

“Mhm, let me say bye to my friends, I’ll meet you by the door in five.” He throws a cute little smile over his shoulder as he hurries away.

Felix spots him first, straw in his mouth, his drink filling his cheeks. 

“Guys, I got one!” Minho preens.

Felix nearly chokes. “Mmmffff!” Whatever he’s trying to say through his mouthful of alcohol is lost on Minho, but the excited sentiment is appreciated. 

Minho nods enthusiastically. “He’s over by the door, cute cheeks, nice arms.”

Three heads turn to look towards the door at the same time.

“Oh my god! Don’t all look at once!” Minho screeches. They don’t care, though, all of them boring holes into Jisung’s head.

“He is cute, Minho! Good job!” Hyunjin grins.

“Ok, wait. Focus, gay people.” He waves his hands around to bring their attention back to him. 

Jeongin speaks first, “Ok, so if he’s the one, then what?” 

“I’m glad you asked, Innie.” Minho pokes at his cheek, lovingly. “I’m going to get him completely hooked tonight. Act so cool and normal , do everything I usually would to get a guy interested; then, on date two…” 

“Deranged,” Felix chirps.

Minho nods. “Deranged.” 

“I know some of the things I did were a little… unusual, but I don’t know if we need to keep using the word ‘ deranged,’” Hyunjin complains. 

Jeongin lifts an arm to tuck the pouting man comfortingly into his side. “It’s okay to be a little deranged, Jinnie,” Jeongin coos, rubbing his arm.

Felix takes Minho by the shoulders, fussing over him like a mother. “Good luck, be safe. Is your location turned on?” 

“Yes mom ,” Minho laughs. “If I don’t call you by midnight, you have permission to contact the authorities.” 

“Good luck, Min!” Jeongin says, Hyunjin still pouting under his arm. 

Minho moves around the table kissing each of them on the head. “Ok, bye, love you all!” He takes off towards the door with a small wave.

Jisung is waiting for him. The man breaks into a grin when he sees Minho coming. They easily link hands, and Jisung leads him out the door towards the street. 

Minho is confused when they stop in front of a black motorcycle. “Are we riding that thing,” Minho gapes.

“Yeah,” Jisung smirks. “You ever ridden one?” 

“No… I don’t know if I want to,” Minho blinks, staring at the death contraption. 

Jisung sticks his key into the seat, opening it up and pulling out two helmets. “I promise I’m a safe driver. I’d never let anything happen to my precious cargo.” 

This man is an incorrigible flirt. It’s attractive.

Minho judges that he sounds sincere, despite the cheesy line, taking a small step closer to the bike. “What if I hate it?” 

“Then you’ll never have to get on again,” Jisung says easily. “I bet you’ll be fine, though, you look like you like a little bit of a thrill.” 

Minho sighs, making a show of trying to decide. “Alright! But only because I want an excuse to hold onto your waist.” 

Jisung’s smile broadens, nearly splitting his face in half. “Get over here, then, I’ve got the goofy helmet for you.” He pulls Minho towards him by the arm, their bodies nearly pressing together. 

Minho tilts his chin down slightly to meet Jisung’s eyes, the man is just a teeny bit shorter than him, it's cute. “Nothing looks goofy on me.”

“This looks goofy on everyone, even the most beautiful people, like yourself.” He lifts a bright red retro-style helmet onto Minho’s head, snapping it in place. 

“Well? How bad is it?” Minho peers at him through his eyelashes.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Jisung chuckles, pinching Minho’s chin between his thumb and index finger. “How do you make that work, gorgeous?” 

Minho pushes him away softly, hand on Jisung’s chest, playing up a shy smile at the praise. 

Jisung catches his wrist and brings Minho’s hand to his mouth for a kiss. “Ready to go for a ride, baby?” 

“Are you ready to take me for a ride, Jisungie?” Minho banters back.

“I told you I’d take you anywhere.” 

This is going to be fun.

Monday - 9:04 pm - Oddinary Street Food

Dahyun and Momo must be out of their minds. 

Minho is absolutely gorgeous. He’s a ten. 

He’s about an inch taller than Jisung, and a bit more broad, with soft brown hair parted to show off his face. His features are sharp, sculpted. And his thighs… Jesus Christ, Jisung is enthralled with his thighs. He’s practically watering at the mouth, dying to get a feel of them. Minho looks like he was modeled out of clay by an artist with the explicit instruction of: Han Jisung’s type. 

On any normal night, Jisung would already have Minho backed against the door of his apartment by this point, taking him apart with his mouth. It’s a downright shame, really, that this isn’t a normal night. Minho would probably look absolutely divine laid out underneath him, screaming his name.

Jisung is going to have the time of his life making Minho fall in love with him. 

They sit across from one another at a small two seater table, eating their food lazily. Jisung drove them to his favorite little meat shop, happy to learn that Minho shares the same proclivity for the food group as he does. 

Conversation flows easily, like they’ve known each other for years. The flirting is even better. 

“So, what do you think?” Jisung muses, smirking up at Minho.

Minho hums for a second, finishing chewing before answering. “About the food? Or you?” 

“Both.”

“Well, this…” Minho waves his hands over the plates stacked on the table. “Is delicious.” 

“Mhm.”

“And you…” Minho taps his chopsticks against his chin. His eyes glimmer in the overhead lights. “I’m still deciding.” 

Jisung smiles, showing off his teeth. “Anything I can do to help you make up your mind on that? I know it must be tough,” he teases. 

“Oh believe me, it is,” Minho laughs. Thinking a few seconds before answering fully, “Why don’t we play a game? Three questions each.” 

“Three questions?” Jisung echoes.

“Three questions.” Minho nods. “I still have so much to learn about you, Sungie.” 

“Alright, I can do three questions,” he says smugly. 

“Ok, you go first.” 

Jisung’s mouth curls up deviously. “Did it hurt? When you fell from heaven?” 

“Ah, wasting your questions, silly man,” Minho clucks his tongue disapprovingly. “No, it didn’t, but it was downright exhausting clawing my way up from hell.” Minho throws his own devious smile right back at him.

Jisung laughs loudly. “I’ve already decided I like you, Minho, so if you’re trying to scare me away… I’m afraid it’s not going to work.” He leans back in his chair, crossing one leg over the other. 

Minho sighs, rolling his eyes a bit. “Ok, my turn. What do you do for work?” 

“I’m in music production at JYP.” 

“Ooh, anything I’ve heard before?” Minho asks, interested.

Jisung runs through a list of his credits in his head, trying to decide which Minho may know. “We worked on Park Jihyo’s latest album.” 

Minho gasps, “Oh I love her! If I were into women I’d totally ask you for her number.” 

“And I’d totally be in jail for breaking my NDA,” Jisung pouts. 

“Oh you poor baby,” Minho simpers sarcastically. “It’s a good thing I’m not into women, then.” 

“It really would be a tragedy.” Jisung can’t help the smile playing on his lips from their quick back and forth. It’s refreshing to have someone he can so easily keep up with. “What do you do, Lee Minho?” 

“I work at Maxident Magazine.” 

“Ah, the fastest growing women’s magazine in the country!” Jisung flaunts his newest fun fact, courtesy of DahMo.

Minho sighs, “The one and only.”

“Anything I would know? Or is it all makeup and shoes?” 

“Hey now, listen here, babe.” Minho leans over the table and flicks his nose. “I have a masters in journalism, my boss loves me, and if I do things the way she wants, she’s going to let me write about anything I want.” 

“Ahh, I see. Finally get out that piece you’ve been dying to write about handbags,” he eggs Minho on. 

“No! You loser,” Minho is laughing, clearly not upset by the teasing. 

“Are you sure? It’s ok, you can be honest with me,” he ribs.

Minho glares at him with his cat-like eyes, crinkling his nose up a bit. “I’m more interested in that piece I’ve been dying to get out about how shoddy the production work on Park Jihyo’s latest album was.” 

Jisung raises his hands in surrender, “Ok fair enough, but if you have to name names, blame Bang Chan. I can spell that out for you so you don’t forget it.” He bites his lip to keep from smiling again. He probably looks like such a dopey idiot, the way Minho has him grinning.

“Shut up, it’s my turn.” Minho’s laugh is pretty, just like him. 

“Okay, shoot.” 

Minho leans forward, resting his chin on his hand, elbow propped up on the table. “Tell me about your last relationship.” 

Woof. So they’re going there, huh? He really did waste that first question. 

He could lie. Make something up. But, he likes Minho, and what he really needs is for Minho to like him back. Honesty is the best policy.

“My last serious relationship was in college. I was with the same girl for almost five years, but once we graduated we drifted apart…” he pauses, twirling his straw around in his drink a bit. 

Minho just watches, listening.

“She ended up cheating on me. It kind of fucked my life up, to be honest,” he chuckles wryly. “I haven’t had the guts to try again… until now.” He smiles softly, hoping Minho likes a man with a nice smile.

“What makes me so special?” Minho asks, eyebrow raised. 

Jisung knows it’s a test, and he’s determined to pass. “Well, you’re beautiful, for one, but you already know that.” 

Minho rolls his eyes, sitting back, unamused. “Funny you should say that. My last boyfriend only wanted me for my looks.” 

“Hold on! I wasn’t finished” Jisung defends, hoping he didn’t fuck it up too much. “It’s not just your looks. This is going to sound cheesy as fuck, but I don’t think I’ve ever clicked with someone so fast, it just feels… different. I find you fascinating, Minho.” It’s all true.

Minho’s mouth quirks up a bit, eyes regaining their slight playful twinkle. “I find you exceedingly normal.” 

“Exceedingly?!” Jisung huffs dramatically. 

“Yes. I like normal.” Minho bites his plump lower lip through his smile.  

“Alright, weirdo. I have one more question.” 

“I’m listening.”

“Have you ever been in love?” Jisung asks, innocently. He’s really just trying to suss out his chances, see if Minho’s the type to fall easily. 

Minho ruminates for a bit, relaxing against his chair, leaving Jisung hanging in suspense. “I don’t know… I think, in the past I thought I was, but now I know it was just infatuation. Nothing made to last.” He sucks his teeth. “I was beginning to accept my fate as unlovable.” 

Well. So much for an easy bag. Whatever, Jisung loves a challenge. 

“And now? What’s your fate looking like,” he presses. 

“And now I think I like you just as much as this meat,” Minho says, mouth twisting up.

“That sounds like a good start,” Jisung beams. “This really is fantastic meat.” 

Minho giggles a bit, “It is, isn’t it?” 

They’re both smiling widely at each other.

“You have one final question, Lee Minho,” Jisung reminds him softly. 

Minho leans forward across the table, face inches from his own. “True or false; all is fair in love and war?” 

“True,” Jisung says, easily. It would be hypocritical of him to answer otherwise. 

“Great answer.” 

“Good question.” 

They finish up their meal shortly after, Jisung paying the bill on their way out, as a gentleman should. 

He laughs when Minho programs his number into his phone, setting his contact name as ‘Minho 💘’ and texting himself a string of kissy emojis so that he has Jisung’s number too. 

“So when can I see you again,” Jisung asks, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“Hmm, that depends. How badly do you want to see me?” Minho asks, bumping their shoulders together. 

Jisung nudges him back. “As soon as possible, to be honest. What are you doing tomorrow night?” 

Minho smirks. “I don’t know, you tell me.” 

Success. 

“Movie night at mine?” 

“Sounds exceedingly normal.” Minho blinks at him with his big bright eyes. 

The Uber Minho ordered pulls up to the curb, he flounces away before Jisung can pull him closer, moving to put a hand on the door handle. He spins around to look back at Jisung before he goes. 

“Sorry, I don’t kiss on the first date, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow for that,” he says playfully, flinging the door open. “Thanks for tonight, Han Jisung.” He blows the younger a kiss and throws him a sly wink. Flirty bastard. 

“It was my pleasure, Lee Minho. Text me when you get home safe,” Jisung responds, closing the door behind Minho when he finally slides into the backseat. 

As soon as the car turns the corner, out of view, Jisung pumps his fist in the air in victory.

This is going to be fun.

Chapter Text

(TITLE TBD) - By Lee Minho

Step 2: Send Him Mixed Signals

I found a guy. He’s successful, funny, very cute, and best of all, he’s hooked. I played my normal, irresistible self for the first night (I had to get him to like me) and he fell right into my hands. If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I’ve ever genuinely meshed with someone so easily upon first meeting, it almost makes me feel bad for what I’m about to do. Almost. But, I have a mission, and I always see something through once I commit to it. After hooking my guy (let's call him J) It’s time to flip the switch. I’m starting with one of the oldest mistakes in the book: mixed signals. I love him, I love him not, go faster, go slower, all in, all out. 

Sorry, J, it's not you, it's me.

If you need more tips on how to get your flirt on, check out my past columns: How to Flirt Your Way Out of a Parking Ticket, and, How to be Utterly Irresistible.

Tuesday - 7:03 pm - Han Jisung’s Apartment

Minho takes the subway to Jisung’s apartment. It isn’t too far from his own, but it’s definitely in a nicer part of the city. All those music royalties must add up.

Minho can’t help but feel a bit giddy. He’s downright excited, actually. 

He doesn’t date. Ever. Point blank, period. He doesn’t do relationships, it’s a colossal waste of time. No one ever sticks around, no one actually gets him, no one has ever proven that it’s worth it. He doesn't like the thought of relying on someone else, and the thought of being vulnerable with someone makes him ill. He’s more than happy with his string of hook ups; one night stands that show him a good time, no strings attached. He likes that he can leave in the morning and go on his way; keeping his neat little boxes safely locked away.

That being said, the idea of dating Jisung with the explicit goal of driving him away is absolutely invigorating. It’s like he’s spitting in the face of the sanctity of relationships, it’s almost cathartic. 

Minho does feel a little bad… if he thinks about it for too long… but Jisung is a big boy, and he doesn’t plan to go any further than skin deep. He’s swearing off sexual activity. 

Ow. That’s painful to admit. But, alas, it doesn’t seem right to sleep with someone he’s actively driving insane, no matter how sexy the man is.

And god damn is he sexy. Minho had to actively focus on not drooling down Jisung’s shoulder last night when they were on his bike. Arms wrapped securely around Jisung’s petite little waist. He could so easily grab a hold of that waist while Jisung is bouncing up and down on his–

“Hi, baby.” Jisung is already wearing his pretty heart-shaped grin when he opens the door. 

Minho falls out of his brain and back to reality at the speed of light. Shit. He’s going to hell. 

“Hi, jagiya,” he responds sweetly, like he hasn’t just been imagining horrible, horrible things. 

Jisung steps aside, motioning Minho to come in. “Welcome.” 

Minho smiles, kissing Jisung on the cheek when he slips past him into the apartment. Jisung is dressed casually, in baggy jeans and a crewneck sporting the logo of his college. He looks disgustingly cute. 

“Can I get you anything to drink? Beer? Wine?” Jisung asks, moving past him to lead them further into the apartment. 

“I’ll take a beer,” Minho says. 

Why did he say that? He doesn’t even like beer. Jisung has his brain all scrambled, with his stupid little waist and sexy voice. Ew. 

The entryway opens into the combined living and dining room, the kitchen off to the right. There’s a door on the far wall that probably leads to the bedroom. 

Jisung touches his lower back for a second, to grab his attention. “Make yourself at home, I’ll join you in a second.” He disappears off into the kitchen. 

Minho wanders over to the couch, sitting down lightly. The room is washed in dim, yellow light. The most surprising thing about the space is the amount of plants Jisung has shoved into every nook and cranny, shelf and surface of the place. If Minho had to put a bet on it, he would have said that Jisung is the type to kill any plant he comes within three feet of. He just doesn’t seem the kind of person to be caring for other living things. It’s surprisingly… sweet. 

Barf.

He admonishes the thought from his skull as soon as it arrives, irritated with himself. He continues looking around, ignoring the wide variety of well cared for natural life in the room. 

There’s a round dining table, a long, low stereo system against the wall, a desk in the corner with some sort of music production equipment on it (at least, he assumes that’s what that is). The living room section of the place is cozy, a jewel toned area rug spread over the wood floors, large TV hanging off the exposed brick wall. Why does it smell so good in here? 

“So?” Jisung comes stalking back into the room with two open bottles in his hands. He places them on the coffee table, even taking the time to pull out coasters (Wow! What an adult. Could not be Minho). He looks up at Minho expectantly, throwing one leg underneath himself as he sits down. 

“Its very…” Minho searches for the right word. “Warm.” 

Jisung laughs softly, throwing his head back a little as he does. Something he does often, Minho has noticed. “What did you expect?” 

Minho hums, running his eyes around the room like he hasn’t just spent few minutes analyzing every corner of it. “Something more dark… dreary… 2000’s MySpace kid vibes, perhaps. Definitely not so many plants.” He holds back a smile that’s threatening to break through. 

“Ya! I take pride in my home!” Jisung says through a loud laugh. “The plants were an accident. Changbin, one of my partners, bought me one so that I’d be forced to come home every day to take care of it.” He smiles softly at the memory. “I spend a lot of time at work, so I needed something to come back for, or else I’d just stay in the studio all day. Turns out I’m a natural green-thumb. I got a little sucked into it, so now it’s just a thing.” 

Minho listens attentively. Jisung is so… different… than he expected. There’s a lot more to him than the cocky exterior he projects. Hm. He would have fun cracking him open.

“I get that,” Minho says.

He shakes off the last of his brain fog and remembers the task at hand. Mixed signals. Right. Time to turn it on. 

“I like your apartment more than mine…maybe I should move in with you, my lease is up next month.” He grins, toothily, hoping the added threat of his lease ending moves the joke into slightly-concerning territory. 

Jisung pauses for a second, but moves on like nothing is amiss. “Then I’d have something without leaves to get excited about coming home to every night.” His face pulls up into a smug look, sinking down into the couch cushions. 

“You are an impossible flirt, Han Jisung.” Minho jabs a finger right into the center of the man’s chest, leaning in close. 

They just stare at each other for a second, inches apart, breaths mingling lightly. Jisung pokes his tongue out, licking over his lips, eyes dropping to Minho’s mouth. Got him. The second Jisung starts leaning in, eyes fluttering shut, Minho pulls away, screeching. 

“Too fast! Too fast! You freaked me out!” he exclaims, falling back to the other side of the sofa. 

Jisung’s eyes are wide, regret evident on his face. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I got lost in the moment, I’m so sorry.” He swallows loudly, clearly nervous. 

Minho twists his face into a wide, blinding smile, switching his mood up again, quickly. “It’s ok, Jisungie, let’s watch a movie.” He hopes Jisung is properly whiplashed. 

The man just blinks, shaking his head a bit as if to clear out his confusion and picking up the remote. “What do you want to watch?” 

Minho sucks in a big breath, letting it out wistfully and slowly, letting his shoulders droop on the release. “Something romantic.”

Jisung’s mouth quirks up again, recovered from his shock. “How about Howl’s Moving Castle?” he asks, navigating over to the proper app. 

“Mmm, that sounds good, I love that one,” Minho chirps happily. 

Jisung gets the movie playing, taking a long swig of his beer as he stills, relaxing. Minho hears him breath out a short puff of air. 

Minho scooches across the cushions, diving to latch onto him, pushing his body as close as physically possible to Jisung’s, cuddling into his side and nosing at the younger man’s neck. Jisung looks down at him for a moment, confusion evident in his face, but doesn’t ask questions, just winding an arm around Minho’s side comfortably.

They watch the movie in silence for a bit, Minho teasingly runs his mouth along Jisung’s neck a few times, just to get the man a little riled up. It seems to be working, if the slight clenching of his jaw every time Minho makes contact is anything to go by. 

“Can I use your bathroom?” Minho asks, sitting up abruptly, nearly knocking Jisung in the chin with his head. 

Jisung blinks a few times, like he’s being shaken out of a dream. “Yeah, yeah, sure. It’s right through the bedroom.” He gestures towards the door along the wall. 

Minho leans over, kissing him sloppily on the cheek before prancing off. 

He doesn’t actually have to use the bathroom, he hasn’t even touched his drink, he just needed an excuse to call Hyunjin. 

Jisung’s bedroom is tidy, more plants scattered about, but he doesn’t linger, closing himself into the en suite. 

He holds his phone to his head, ringing, opening the medicine cabinet to snoop while he waits for Hyunjin to pick up. Jisung’s bathroom is clean, a green flag, to be honest. Everything is neatly organized and in its place. There’s not many products, but he doesn’t seem the type to go for anything too complicated during his daily grooming routines, just nice and simple. 

Hyunjin picks up on the fifth ring. “Hey bitch.”

“Jin, you’ll never believe where I am right now,” he whispers, trying to keep it down in case Jisung wanders into his bedroom. 

“At the Cher concert?” Hyunjin sounds hopeful.

“What? No. Cher is in town? Why would I be whispering at a concert? I’m in Jisung’s bathroom.”

Hyunjin gasps dramatically, in true Hyunjin fashion. “Oh. My. God! Putting out on the first date? I can’t believe you.” 

“It’s the second date, actually, but shut up, I’m not going to sleep with him,” Minho hisses.

“Lee Minho you little minx! I know your sexy voice, you can’t fool me.” 

“Jin, shut up, you do not.” 

“Yes I do! Remember that time I walked in on you and Jeongin after –” 

Minho cuts him out with a loud cough. “I’m not going to sleep with him, because unlike some people I know, I can practice some self control.” 

“That’s not what Jeongin told me,” Hyunjin cackles. “Oooooohhhh gottem!”

“Jin, I’m trying to be mean to you, stop bringing up my sinful past.” He hopes Hyunjin can hear his pout through the phone. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just tell me the plan.” 

“I’m not going to sleep with him, but I am going to dangle the bait.” 

“You’re going fishing?” 

Minho fights the urge to bash his head against the porcelain countertop in front of him. “I’m the bait, Hyunjin.” 

“Ohhhhhh…” 

“Yeah…” In the three years he’s known Hyunjin, his brain cells have probably depleted by at least a fifth. “I’m going to dangle the proverbial bait.” 

“Yes, got it.”

“And then take it away.” 

“Take it away,” Hyunjin echoes.

“Mixed messages.” 

“Mixed messages!”

Minho falls silent when he hears shuffling on the other side of the door. Jisung is humming as he moves around in his bedroom. 

“I have to go, he’s right outside the door,” Minho breathes, as quiet as possible. 

Hyunjin mimics his whisper, like Jisung might hear him too, “Call me later, slut.” 

“Okay. Love you, bye.” 

Time to turn it up to eleven.

Tuesday - 8:17 pm - Han Jisung’s Apartment 

Jisung is properly confused. 

Minho was sweet as pie when he arrived, chatting and flirting, inching closer and closer, fire in his eyes like he wants something from Jisung. 

Jisung swears the man was about to kiss him. He knows when someone is trying to kiss him, it’s one of his favorite moments in the mating dance. The flirty back and forlooth, the increasing tension, all leading up to that one little moment, breath held or shallow, king into eachothers eyes. The split second before a kiss. It’s fucking awesome. 

So why did Minho switch up on him so fast? 

It’s probably nothing, to be frank. They’ve only known each other for 24 hours, max. Minho probably just has different boundaries than him. It’s fine, he respects that. That doesn’t mean that the man’s rapid speed back and forth isn’t making his head spin.

One minute Minho is screaming about how he’s not ready to be kissed, the next he’s curling into his side like a cat, running his lips along Jisung’s neck. Fuck, he’s so insanely attractive, too. Jisung is going to have a hard time keeping his hands off of Minho if the older man keeps teasing him like that. He longs for Minho to bite into him like he means it, scrape his teeth down the side of his neck, mark him up. 

Ugh. Quit that, Jisung, you pervert.

Jisung groans, squeezing his eyes shut. Minho has been in the bathroom for a while now, leaving Jisung to stew in his thoughts. 

It’s getting a bit chilly, sitting alone without Minho’s heat radiating into him. Shivering a bit, he stands up to go grab a blanket from his bedroom, humming as he goes. He swears he hears Minho talking in the bathroom, but it must just be his imagination, the man can’t be that crazy. 

He starts digging through his closet, rifling through his extra blankets when the bathroom door clicks open. 

“Hi,” Minho says, softly. 

Why is he looking at Jisung like he wants to eat him? 

“Oh, hey, I was just grabbing a blanket.” He holds up the one he’s snagged, a cheesy grin on his face. 

Minho doesn’t respond, his eyes just glaze over, dangerous little smile on his lips. 

Oh god, is he going to eat Jisung? 

He barely realizes what’s happening when Minho tackles him to the bed, strong thighs locked on either size of his waist, pressing Jisung’s shoulders into the mattress with firm hands. Then, they’re kissing. 

Well, Minho is kissing him. It takes him a hot second to catch up, but he matches the other man’s fervor eagerly and accordingly. Minho is making little noises as he works open Jisung’s mouth, his lips are soft and urgent. Jisung gasps when he feels Minho’s teeth tug gently on his lower lip. 

Suddenly, Minho shoots backwards like he’s been burned. “Let’s not go too fast, jagiya,” he pants, out of breath. 

Jisung feels dizzy. Like he’s just gotten off one of those stupid spinning teacup rides.

“Yeah, baby, whatever you’re comfortable with,” he chokes out through his own labored breaths. 

Minho nibbles at his bottom lip like he’s deciding something, then he dives straight back in. Tongue first, this time, licking into Jisung’s mouth. Jisung can’t hold back his moan when Minho sucks on his tongue a bit. 

“Too fast!” Minho repeats, only inches his face this time. 

Jisung just stares up at him, willing to follow wherever Minho leads. 

“We’re going too fast, I think we need to go slower.” Minho pouts, leaning back in to start kissing him almost immediately after he finishes talking. 

Jisung comes to his senses, pushing lightly on the man’s chest, lifting him off of his lap. “Let’s slow down, Min, it’s ok if it’s too fast.” 

Minho looks anguished at the fact he’s been stopped. “What if I want to keep kissing you, though?” He pouts again, more exaggerated this time. 

“Don’t push yourself, baby, you clearly aren’t sure what you want right now. Whenever you kiss me, I want you to be sure.” 

Minho blinks, face giving away no emotion. “I want you to respect me. I don’t want to be just a physical thing to you. I want to go the distance,” he says, running his fingers up and down Jisung’s chest, lightly. 

Jisung’s throat seizes at the words. Alarm bells start blaring in his head. 

WEEWOO WEEWOO TOO MUCH COMMITMENT!! WEEWOO WEEWOO DO NOT TIE YOURSELF DOWN, HAN JISUNG!!

He wills his instincts to shut up for a minute. 

This isn’t a normal situation. He needs to get this man to fall in love with him, this isn’t just someone he’s taken home. He fights off the nausea of what he’s about to do. 

“I do respect you, baby, I am committed to you. I want to be with you.” He swallows, bringing a hand up to brush Minho’s hair away from his face to distract himself from the urge to flee. 

“As my… boyfriend?” Minho giggles, beaming. 

“Yeah, your,” he falters, trying to get the words out. This is embarrassing. He’s a grown man, damn it. “Your boyfriend.” 

“Awwww, Sungie!” Minho tackles him again, this time into a tight hug. 

Jisung tries to even out his breathing, still queasy at the thought of being in a relationship. His first in years. This is all DahMo’s fault. He could have lived out the rest of his life without ever having to spit out those words, having to ask someone to be his for keeps. 

Minho hops off of him, smoothing out his clothes with his palms. “Ok! Let’s go finish the movie! But I don’t want to cuddle. I’m sick of touching you,” he says cheerfully, loping back into the living room. 

“O-okay?” Jisung doesn’t even know what to say to that. He follows him out, probably looking like a zombie. 

They finish the movie, true to Minho’s word, one full couch cushion apart from each other. Jisung focuses on the screen instead of trying to figure out what’s going on in Minho’s head.

When it’s time for him to go, they stand at the door, Minho giving him a short and sweet kiss, apparently no longer bothered by touching him. 

“Goodnight, Han Jisung.” The man smiles demurely. 

“Goodnight, Lee Minho.” Jisung grabs hold of Minho’s hand, pressing a firm kiss on the top. 

Minho giggles, waving his fingers in goodbye as he leaves. 

Jisung waits until he turns the corner to the elevator, down the hall before he shuts his door, falling backwards against it. 

This is so stupid. So stupidly confusing. But also… he has a boyfriend. Holy shit, he has a boyfriend. He’s halfway to love, basically. Shit, that was easy. Minho is clearly into him, he literally told Jisung that he wants to be in this for the long run.

He snorts, then one giggle escapes, soon he’s fully laughing out loud. 

“Lee Minho, you are already falling in love with me.” 

Tuesday - 9:40 pm - Elevator, Han Jisung’s Apartment Building

Minho leans back against the wall of the elevator, stupid grin spreading its way across his face. 

He mentally pats himself on the back for his performance tonight. 

No matter how much asking Jisung to be his boyfriend made him want to vomit all over, it was the perfect cherry on top of the game he was playing all night. 

He almost feels bad, Jisung is so sweet about respecting what he wants. 

He almost feels bad. 

It’s much more enjoyable to play his tricks and have his fun then it ever could be to date for serious. This story is going to impress Nayeon so hard she’ll be desperate to let him write about politics. He can picture it… he’s halfway there… 

He exhales, drawn out, laughing a bit. “Han Jisung, I’m gonna make you wish you were dead.”

Chapter Text

How to Drive Your Boyfriend Away in ? Steps (keep workshopping, this title sucks) - By Lee Minho

Step 3: Be Annoyingly Needy

So, I officially have a boyfriend, and I’ve officially flipped the switch on him. J was surprisingly adaptive to my emotional whiplash, so it’s time to turn things up a bit. Remember, I’m starting with the most basic levels of wrongdoings; things that are mostly just annoying, but could completely ruin your chances with a man. Depending on his tolerance level, neediness could be a deal breaker for any guy. While I plan to bring a general level of annoying neediness to the entire relationship as a whole, I want to go all in at least once, just to try it. 

Hypothesis: Incessant pestering that interferes with things a man enjoys is probably a surefire way to lose him.

If you need more tips on how to commit, check out my past columns: How To Get Over Your Fear of Commitment, and, How To Lock Down Your Sugar Daddy!

Wednesday - 10:00 am - 3Racha Studio

“Seriously, guys, of all the men Dahyun and Momo could have thrown at me, this one is amazing. Dating him for a month is going to be a breeze.” 

They’re sitting in their studio, shooting the shit, Changbin and Chan prodding him for details about his date. Seungmin is also present, pretending to be uninterested but throwing in occasional remarks and jabs, usually at Jisung’s expense. 

“One month… that’s only three weeks longer than you’ve ever spent with any other partner, huh? Crazy.” 

Yeah, just like that. 

Jisung rolls his eyes. Like Seungmin has room to talk. Who knows when the last time he’s dated anyone is. Probably scares them all away with his irritating energy. 

“Seungmin, aren’t you listening, that’s precisely why I didn’t go for the home run immediately, like I usually would. This one is a marathon, not a sprint.” 

Chan looks up at him, one eyebrow raised. “One month is a marathon to you?” he questions. 

Jisung groans, stomping his feet in frustration. “Ok, fine, a 100 yard dash… but slow… that’s like, the length of a football field, I think… Anyway, not the point. The point is – I’ve already got him in my net.”  

“Wow. That was a lot of sports angles for a gay person,” Changbin deadpans. 

“He’s right about the football field, though,” Chan points out. “Good job, Sung!” 

Jisung beams at the praise, Chan has a way of making even the smallest wins feel big. 

“See! He knows that because he’s straight. Isn’t that neat?!” Changbin asks, sighing in sarcastic wonder while slowly shaking his head side to side, like he’s amazed that Chan exists. 

Seungmin barks out a loud laugh, clapping in delight.

“Okay, back to my problems.” Jisung tries to bring their attention back to him. “My boyfriend left something at my house.” 

Seungmin leans forward, eyes widening. “Oooohhh, was it a shoe? Do you have to find him before the clock strikes midnight?” 

Jisung ducks beneath his desk, slamming Minho’s bag down on top of it when he comes back up. “This.” 

The three men all pull their rolling chairs closer, gathering around the mysterious bag. 

“This is significantly less interesting than a shoe, not going to lie,” mutters Changbin. 

Chan raises his eyebrows, dimples showing.  “No, no, this is so much better than a shoe… What do you think he keeps inside of it?”

“Maybe we can find out what meds he’s on!” Seungmin snickers. 

“Did you look inside yet?” Chan looks up at him cheekily. 

“No.” Jisung shakes his head. “I didn’t know if it was ethical.” 

Chan pats his back, putting on a frown. “Ah, of course, the classic ethical dilemma of if you should look through a man’s purse or not.” 

Seungmin nods in agreement. “It’s like the trolley problem… but gay.” 

Changbin snorts, giving Seungmin a loud high five. 

Ignoring them, Jisung keeps talking, “What if he’s got something personal in there? It just seems wrong to snoop, right?” 

“What if he left it behind so that he had an excuse to see you again!” Changbin sticks a finger up like he’s shared a bright idea. 

“Mmmm, excellent point, Binnie,” Chan hums. 

“This is such a waste of our time.” Seungmin goes to stand up, dramatically and (very clearly) purposefully tripping over his chair as he does, sending the bag falling to the floor, contents spilling out. “Oh no! I am so clumsy! Oops!” He doesn’t sound sorry at all. 

Chan gasps, following Seungmin’s lead. “Oh no! We have to clean that up!” 

All four of them scramble to their hands and knees, huddled over the spilled bag like they’re about to perform an exorcism. Jisung moves to carefully start picking up the items that have spread across the floor. 

Chapstick. Wallet. Some loose coins. A photostrip of Minho and a smaller man with bright blonde hair, freckles, and a dazzling, pointy toothed smile. 

Changbin picks up the strip, eyes wide. “Yo, Sung, which one is yours?” 

“The one on the right.” Jisung says, trying to grab the photos out of Changbin’s grubby hands. “Give that back, you freak!” 

Changbin just swivels away, holding his arms out of Jisung’s reach, smirking at his assailant. “Does his friend need someone to fall in love with too? God damn…” he trails off, making googly eyes at the man next to Minho in the pictures.

Jisung just rolls his eyes, finally able to snatch the offending object from Changbin’s grasp. 

“Shit! Jackpot!” Chan cuts in. 

“What! What?” Jisung and Changbin scramble back into their positions around the bag, Chan is holding a ripped envelope, something sticking out of it. 

Seungmin reaches over, grabbing the envelope and extracting the contents. “Shit. It’s Jeongyeon tickets.” 

“Jeongyeon tickets?” Jisung can’t hold back his excited breath.

Seungmin nods, bringing them up in front of Jisung’s face. “Jeongyeon tickets. For Friday’s show.” 

Wednesday - 3:33 pm - Maxident Magazine Corporate Office

“Delivery, Minho!” 

Minho jerks up from where he is trying to nap on his desk at Jeongin’s call. Delivery? Of what? He didn’t order anything. 

“Oh…” he breathes, spinning in his chair to be met with the sight of Jeongin holding two giant vases of white roses. Jiwoo and Hyunjin follow close behind, also toting one vase each. “My god,” Minho finishes. He stands up, inspecting the display.

“Yeah, ‘oh my god’ this shit is heavy as fuck,” Hyunjin whines, placing his load onto Minho’s desk. Jiwoo and Jeongin do the same, without the complaints. Jiwoo flits off without a word, leaving the men with a cute wink. 

Felix leans over from his desk, mouth hanging open. “Who are all of these for!?” 

“Minho.” Jeongin smirks like the cat who got the cream.

Minho tugs the greeting card attached to the biggest vase off, flicking it open and reading out loud, “One hundred times more beautiful than one hundred roses.” He scoffs, rolling his eyes back into his skull but unable to keep a goofy smile off his face. “Give me a break,” he complains through a laugh. Han Jisung is irreparably cheesy. 

“Oh my fucking god…” Felix giggles, grabbing the card out of Minho’s hands to read for himself. 

“Does this mean he’s officially locked down?” Hyunjin asks, resting his chin on top of Minho’s shoulder and wrapping his long arms around his waist loosely.

“It means he found the Jeongyeon tickets,” Minho declares, mouth twisting up evilly. 

Jeongin barks out a laugh. “You left the tickets in the purse?” 

“Of course I did.”

“Oh god, you’re a genius. Do you want to kiss me instead? Your brain is so big and sexy,” Hyunjin simpers, tightening his hold on Minho and puckering his lips, making loud kissy noises into Minho’s ear. 

Minho shakes him off, shoving him away by the shoulder. “Ignoring you,” he says, dropping into his chair. 

“Oh my god, someone is calling you,” Felix yelps, pointing accusingly at the vibrating cell phone on Minho’s desk.

Minho smirks, he doesn’t need to read the name to know it’s Jisung. “Hello?” 

“Hey hey, pretty boy,” Jisung croons. 

“Hi, jagi. Guess what? I seem to have received a rather embarrassing display of roses delivered to my office… any clue on who could be behind that?” 

“What can I say? Sorry for being so romantic?” Jisung laughs. 

“Mhm,” Minho hums, waiting for him to continue. His friends gather around him like vultures, trying to pick up any bits of the conversation they can. 

“Listen, I had a great time last night, Min, and you also seem to have left your bag at mine.” 

Minho takes a deep breath, drawing out the release. “Oh, bother. I’m just so forgetful! I can’t believe I left it there!” 

“Well, surely you’ll need it back. I mean… all this stuff inside… your wallet, personal belongings, tickets to the Jeongyeon concert?” Jisung rambles. 

“Well well well, looks like someone’s been poking through my things, huh Sung?” Minho teases. 

“Ah, baby, you know I’d never do that!” Jisung spouts. “Seungmin, my creative director, he’s a total klutz and he knocked it off the table within seconds of coming into the studio this morning!” 

Minho hears brief shuffling on the other end of the line, a smacking noise and then a new voice, “Ow! Yes, I’m a clumsy, clumsy man, Minho. So sorry about that!” Seungmin, he assumes. 

Minho giggles, “Sorry for the purse or my boyfriend?” 

He must still be on speaker, he hears another muffled voice say, “Oh, I like him, Sung.” Minho bites his lip, holding back a laugh. 

“Anyway!” Jisung returns, brushing off his friend’s commentary. 

“Yeah, anyway,” Minho sighs. “I’m already going to the concert with someone else.” 

Jisung scoffs. “Who?”

Minho spins to look at Felix, narrowing in on his face as he lays it on thick. “Felix; he’s got gorgeous freckles, the cutest smile… I could just eat him up. It’s such a shame that he’s an unambiguous bottom…” Felix blushes a little bit, whacking Minho in the shoulder lightly at the praise. 

“Not anymore. Felix is going to be absolutely booked on Friday, he’s about to be asked out on a date by my devilishly handsome partner here, which leaves room for me to go to the concert with you .” 

There’s more movement on the other end of the line, Minho thinks he hears someone say, ‘What the fuck, man?” 

“Is that so?” Minho asks. 

“That is so! Changbinnie saw Felix in those photos in your bag, he’s totally smitten.” Jisung laughs. 

“And what if Felix doesn’t want to go on a date with your ‘Changbinnie’?” Minho looks up at Felix as he says it, the latter’s eyes blowing so wide they might fall out. Felix scrambles to press his cheek to Minhos, the phone sandwiched between their heads so he can hear what’s going on. 

“Impossible!” Jisung chortles. “Everyone loves Changbin, he’s got massive biceps.” 

“I do like a man with nice arms…” Felix muses out loud, snapping his hand over his mouth when he realizes his voice is likely being picked up. 

“Besides,” Jisung drawls. “You clearly left your bag at mine on purpose. I took a psych class in college, your subconscious desire to go to that concert with me caused you to leave it there. It’s very bad for your mental health to deny yourself your deepest desires.” 

Minho laughs loudly at the babble. “Does that nonsense work on anybody?”

“I don’t know, you tell me?” He can hear Jisung smiling into his words. He can picture it clearly in his head, too. 

Minho gives up the jig, getting to the plan he’s been gunning for the whole time. “Alright, meet me at the fifth ave entrance at eight o’clock. Don’t be late.” 

“Baby, you won’t regret it,” Jisung preens. 

“We’ll see…”

Felix speaks up, from where he’s pressed against Minho eavesdropping. “Get me Changbin’s number. I need to be tossed around a bit.” 

Jisung laughs heartily. “Alright, I’ll send it over right away. I’m sure he can do that for you.”

“Thank you!” Felix titters, bouncing back to his own cubicle with a silly smile on his face. 

“No, thank you !” Jisung calls. 

Minho shakes his head, grinning as he hangs up the phone. He leans back, raising his arms, palms flat to the air on both sides. “And that’s how it’s done.” 

Wednesday - 3:40 pm - 3Racha Studio

Jisung hangs up the phone, leaning back and letting a shit eating grin take over his face. He roves his eyes across his partners, bringing his hands up to the sky, proud. “And that’s how it’s done,” he brags.

Friday - 9:35 pm - Club 143

Everything is going swimmingly. 

Jisung arrived right on time, meeting Minho where he’d asked him to, outside the venue. The older looks gorgeous, pink silky shirt (unbuttoned a few buttons too low to be innocent) tucked into light denim that hugs his ass perfectly. 

Minho has an amazing ass, by the way. It’s extremely distracting to Jisung.

They’ve kept up the comfortable flirty banter they’ve become accustomed to all night. It’s riveting, how they never get bored of bouncing off each other. Stimulating in a way that none of his partners have ever been. 

The show is great, as Jeongyeon always is, her velvety voice dripping over the room. Jisung would love to work with her, she’s a genius. 

He’s had himself wrapped around Minho for most of the show, hands resting on his firm stomach as they sway with the music. During a particularly romantic song, he spun the man around, dipping him into a deep and passionate kiss. It must have had the desired effect, Minho looking slightly dazed when they came back up for air. Jisung just smiled at him, pressing one more kiss to his soft lips and returning them to their original position. 

After the kiss, it feels like Minho is pressing into him a little closer, leaning on him just a little bit more. It stirs something nasty in his gut. 

The show is nearing its close, a few songs left. Jisung knows that his favorite will be played last, as it always is. 

“Sungie.” Minho tilts his head up, dragging Jisung’s attention away from the performance.

“Yeah?” He asks, flicking his eyes down to Minho before returning them to the stage, hooked on the performance. 

“I’m thirsty.” 

“Ok,” Jisung says, unsure why Minho is telling him. 

“Sungie, I’m really thirsty,” Minho whines, wiggling in his hold. “Can you go get me a soda?” 

Jisung sucks in a breath, slightly annoyed. “Min, there’s two songs left in the set, can you-”

“I’m parched , Sung, I don’t think I can make it.” Minho pitifully stares at him, blinking his big eyes and smacking his mouth a few times to emphasize his point. 

Fuck. He needs Minho to like him. Love him, actually. He can’t waste time arguing about stupid things like this, it could be risking everything. 

“Alright, I’ll be right back,” he says curtly, breaking away from him to jog to the bar in the lobby. 

“No ice!” He hears Minho shout from behind as he goes. 

Yeah, yeah. 

It’s so late in the show that they’ve closed the bars on the venue floor, only leaving the one in the lobby in service. God Damn it. It takes him a minute to get there, but he acquires the drink and runs back inside, breathing a bit heavily as he passes it off to Minho. 

“Thank you!” Minho cheers, immediately taking a big gulp. The man’s face screws up in disgust, “Oh god…” 

“Wha– what’s wrong?” Jisung asks, exasperated. 

On stage, Jeongyeon is giving her ending comments, setting up for the finale. 

“It’s not diet, Sungie! Please ! I am so thirsty, please!” Minho begs, he looks like he’s about to cry. Fucking hell. 

The band is still setting up for the last song, if he hurries he can probably make it. He wills himself to think about Hyuna and the importance of the deal. 

“Shit,” he hisses, rushing back out of the room for a second time. 

This time, when he gets to the counter, there’s no one there. He drums his fingers impatiently on the bar top as he waits for the bartender to return from the other side of the room. She doesn’t seem to be in any rush to help him out. He hears the crowd scream from the other room. Fuuuuuuuck . 

By the time the bartender pours him out a diet soda and he rushes back into the main room, Jeongyeon is belting out her final note. 

He missed it. He missed his favorite song. 

He manages to work his way through the already exiting crowd, handing Minho the drink, jaw clenched in frustration. 

Hyuna. Album Deal. Love. Love. Love. 

He repeats the words in his head like a mantra, Minho clinging to his arm sipping at the diet soda happily as they make their way outside, following the flow of the crowd.

“Wow, that was incredible!” Minho chatters, smiling widely. “I’ve never seen that song performed like that, Sungie! It’s too bad you missed it,” Minho gushes. 

“Yeah, too bad,” Jisung mutters, trying not to let his sour mood show on his face. 

They stop at the curb where a long line of taxis waits. Minho drops Jisung’s hand, whirling to face him. “So, are you as nice as you seem, Jisung?” 

Jisung blinks at him, once. Twice. “No,” he says simply and honestly. 

He’s trying to be as honest as he can throughout this process. After all, his mother always tells him the key to lasting love is honesty.

Minho smirks, eyes growing seductively heavy. “Good. Neither am I.” He swings open the cab door and drops inside, giving the driver his address. The door closes behind him, but he rolls the window down right away, staring Jisung down as the car starts to pull away. “Goodnight, Han Jisung.” 

Jisung brings one arm up into a weak wave, not having the energy or wherewithal to answer with words. 

Lee Minho is a force of nature.

Chapter Text

How To Lose A Guy in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 4: Emotional Overload

I can confidently say that society has progressed to a point where it's completely normal and healthy to show your emotions every once in a while. I can also confidently say that the line for taking things too far is pretty clear. Sometimes, emotions can be too much to deal with in an early relationship; if everything is so intense and serious now, it will only get worse in the long run. Of course, it's ok to cry, but maybe hold back on letting your anger out on others in public, going full Karen on retail workers, or doomsdaying every situation. The good thing is, I’m here to test out the worst case scenario, give you the inside scoop on how to be the worst possible date you can be. 

I’d like to say no J was harmed in the making of this article, but I’m not a liar. 

If you need more tips on how to fight the good fight, check out my past columns: How To Plan a Protest, and , How To Win Every Argument with Charm.

Tuesday - 9:45 am - JYP Entertainment Conference Room

“Bad. Bad. Horrible. Worse. It’s all bad. We’re writing an R&B track, not a children’s song.” 

Sana tears into them, no holds barred. Sheesh. The lyrics she just flame roasted are Chan’s- it’s not his fault he’s goofy, she should go easier on him. Jisung pats his friend’s back comfortingly. 

The conference room door creaks open carefully, Sooyoung sticking her head in. “So sorry to interrupt, but Jisung has a call on line 2.” 

Sana turns to glare at him, still fed up about their shitty lyrics. “Uh, can you take a message, Sooyoung?” he asks, giving her a pained look. 

“It’s Minho…” Sooyoung smiles, moving her eyes to Sana pleadingly. Sooyoung is one of their office assistants, she’s been specifically instructed to interrupt meetings with calls from Minho. Jisung knows that Sana loves an update, so having Sooyoung act as the messenger is more of a strategy than anything else. 

He turns to his boss, bringing his eyebrows together in a pitiful look. 

Sana groans, “Fine. Make it quick.” 

He grins, dragging the phone at the middle of the table towards him, clicking over to line 2. 

“Hello?” 

“IT’S MEEEEEEEEE!” Minho trills, drawn out and loud. 

“Hey, baby, I’m kind of in the middle of a meeting right now can I call you in a bit?” he responds in a subdued tone, very aware of the weight of everyone’s eyes on him. 

“I miss you Han Ji-Ji-Ji-Ji-Sung!” He’s singing now. My god, this man is abnormal. 

“I miss you too, babe, are you busy tonight?” he asks, leaning back and swinging his feet up on the table, crossing his ankles. He smirks when he meets Changbin’s eyes from across the way. 

“Oh!” Minho sounds excited. “Depends on your next question!” 

“Let me take you to the movies tonight?”

Minho gasps, “The movies? My choice!?” 

He briefly wonders why Minho is acting like a giddy child, but brushes it off as a difference in energy level. Or, maybe they feed the employees bubbly cocktails all day over at Maxident, that seems like something they’d do. “Your choice.” 

“Oh Sungie, I can’t wait!” Minho squeals, breathily.

Sana looks at him, tapping a long nail against the face of her watch, telling him to wrap it up. 

“Me either, Min, but look, I have to go I’m in a meeting right now.” 

“Okay bye!” Minho blurts, followed by a chorus of what he assumes to be kissy noises. 

“See ya.” Jisung drops the phone back into it’s holder, effectively hanging up. He looks smugly to his friends. Seungmin rolls his eyes. Boo. 

“Han Jisung, get your god damned feet off my table,” Sana snips. 

Jisung jumps, removing his shoes from the surface sheepishly. “Sorry,” he grumbles, hiding his blush. 

Tuesday - 9:49 am - Maxident Magazine Corporate Office

Minho gags as soon as he hangs up the phone. 

It’s truly humiliating, acting like he just did towards Jisung. 

Jeongin is sitting back at his own desk, overtly laughing at Minho’s pain. “Oh my god, I can’t believe that’s not a red flag for him,” the man beams. 

Minho scrunches his face up. “He’s so tolerant it’s painful .” 

Jisung has been putting up with everything . A spam string of overly cutesy messages all weekend, complete ghosting on Monday, and now, acting like he’s white girl wasted on the phone. The man has the patience of a saint. 

“He looooooooves you,” Felix sings. 

Hyunjin joins in, coming over to poke Minho’s sides. “He loooooves you, Minho!” 

Minho swats the prodding hands away. “Ya, shut up! Why don’t you goad Felix about his date instead of me.” 

Jeongin lights up like a Christmas tree, he must have forgotten that Felix even had a date. “Yeah, that’s a great question! Why aren’t we bothering Felix about his date?” 

“Oh, no need to bother, I’ll tell you!” Felix grins evilly. “Jisung was right, Changbin’s arms are literally massive . He could really toss me around, and let me tell you, I have definitely been with muscular guys that do not have strong hands, but, sweet Jesus! His hands are just as powerful as the rest of him I was practically s–” 

Jeongin launches himself over the waist-height cubicle wall, clamping a hand over Felix’s mouth where the blonde sits on Minho’s desk. “Ok actually I remembered why I didn’t ask. Please shut up.” 

Felix is pouting when Jeongin releases his hand, playful spark still simmering behind his eyes. 

“Yeah, that’s great, Lixie, super happy for you, but maybe not workplace conversation.” Minho nods, patting the man’s knee. “But what is workplace conversation is figuring out what movie my boys-boy boyfriend will hate .” 

“What the fuck is a boys-boy?” Hyunjin snorts. 

“You know, Jisung is like… a bro ,” Minho explains. “He hangs out with the guys , you know what I mean? We hang out with the girls.” 

Hyunjin nods, lips pursed thoughtfully like he’s just dropped some life changing wisdom. 

Jeongin hums, also taking in the information. He cuts in with his sweet voice, “Well you know, you can’t really tell what someone will like. Anyone of any gender can like any movie!” 

Now Felix is nodding sagely, also seeing the light. 

Minho runs a hand through his hair. “Innie, thank you, you’re right, and you’re so sweet, and you probably nailed your human sexuality class in college, but that’s not helpful.”

“A plus!” Jeongin says proudly, shooting Minho finger guns. 

“Let’s think broadly…” Minho tries. “Just, statistically , what might he hate?” 

“There’s that Kate Hudson rom-com marathon happening at the theatre down the road?” Felix supplies. 

Hyunjin makes a strange little noise, body jerking slightly. “You know what’s funny? Seung was a boys-boy and he loved rom coms…” Hyunjin’s mouth falls into a cartoonishly big frown, lower lip wobbling precariously. 

“Jesus, Jin, you’re talking about him like he’s dead,” Jeongin snickers.

 Hyunjin sucks in a giant gulp of air. Then another. “He. Might. As. Well. Be.” And there go the tears. 

Felix rushes to wrap the crying man in his arms, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Oh, Jinnie.” 

Minho sighs, watching the sad scene. “Kate Hudson it is, I guess.” 

Hyunjin manages to lift his head up, looking at Minho with his wet eyes, cheeks splotchy. “I believe in you, Minho,” he blubbers, raising a shaking hand into a sad thumbs up. 

“Ok, Jinnie, why don’t we go for a walk and calm down,” Felix soothes, bringing down his shaking thumb gently and leading him away slowly. The freckled boy gives Minho a cute little smile as they go. 

God. The dramatics. Felix is an angel. 

Minho rubs at his eyes tiredly, rolling his chair back in towards his computer and clicking open his browser to buy tickets.

***

Minho sighs as loudly as he possibly can, drawing it out painfully long. “I always wanted a man like Matthew McConoughay.” 

They’re parked in the middle of the movie theater, surprisingly packed for a romcom marathon. Minho has been loudly expressing his opinions about every aspect of the movie for everyone to hear, attempting to push Jisung over the edge with annoyance. 

“Hah,” Jisung intones, slightly glaring at him out of the corner of his eye. 

Minho smirks a tiny bit, not visible to the other man. 

“This is my favorite movie, by the way,” he loudly comments, chomping on their popcorn. “Completely underrated.” 

“Mhm. Me too,” Jisung whispers. 

Why is Jisung so polite? He should be telling Minho to shut the fuck up. 

“SHHHHHHH!” 

Minho glances behind them, where a very large man is aggressively shushing in his direction. 

Jackpot. 

He leans towards Jisung, speaking at full volume into his ear, “What are you thinking about?” 

Jisung’s jaw twitches. It’s so slight that Minho wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t so close to his face. 

“Nothing. I’m watching the movie.” 

“Yeah, but what’s your inner dialogue saying?” he huffs. 

“SHHHHHHHHH!” There he goes again. 

“Inner dialogue?” Jisung hisses. “Nothing! It’s saying that I like the movie!” 

“Oh so your mind is just completely blank , huh? Absolutely nothing going on?” 

Jisung looks at him, right in the eyes, raising his eyebrows in a bid to get Minho to be quiet. 

“So who is he?” Minho snaps. 

“SHHHHHH!” 

Jisung’s eyebrows rise even further, nearly meeting his hairline. “Who’s who!?” 

Minho pivots away from him, crossing his arms over his chest and putting on his best stink face. “The guy you’re thinking about?” 

The man behind them leans forward, right between their heads, veins bulging threateningly in his forehead. “Shut. The fuck up,” he seethes. 

Jisung waits a moment, for the man to lean back into his own space, before tilting towards Minho, voice low, “I’m not thinking about a guy.”

“Hah!” Minho balks. “You can’t watch Kate and Matthew fall in love for two hours–”

“SHHHHHHHH!” 

“–and not be thinking about another guy!” 

Jisung’s eyes are frantically searching Minho’s face. “You want to know what I’m thinking about, Minho?” 

“Yes!” Minho exclaims. 

Jisung tugs him even closer, breathing into the shell of his ear in a way that makes Minho’s skin involuntarily tingle. “I’m sitting here thinking about you, and how god damn beautiful you are. That’s all I ever think about, Min.” 

“AWWWWWW,” Minho turns the volume up to eleven, squealing and throwing himself on top of Jisung, kissing his cheeks obnoxiously. “Jagi! Oh, Sungie! I love sharing this with you!” 

“Mhm, me too.” Jisung’s whole body is tense. 

“CAN’T HEAR AND CAN’T SEE!” The meathead sounds pissed . 

Minho shuffles to sit on his knees, facing backwards towards their heckler and jabbing his finger towards the guy’s nose. “Hey! If you don’t shut up , my boyfriend here is going to come back there and pummel your ass!” he spits. 

Instigating is so fun! 

Jisung spins around, horrified with Minho’s actions, staring wide eyed between the man and Minho. 

The man grits his teeth, bringing a finger up to point directly at Jisung. “Just a tip, buddy, next time you’re out in public, put a muzzle on this one first.” He motions to Minho. 

“What!?” Minho yelps. Shit, this escalated faster than he expected. 

Fire flares up in Jisung’s eyes. Oh he’s mad . “Excuse me!?” Jisung practically growls. 

The guy stands up, jabbing his finger into Jisung’s chest. “You, outside. Now.” 

“SHHH!” A new patron chimes in, annoyed with the commotion. 

Minho watches helplessly as Jisung stands up, marching right after the guy. 

Fuck, that man is going to kill him. He clambers out after Jisung, trying to grab his arm to hold him back from walking to his death. 

As soon as they’re in the hallway, the man stops and faces them, chest puffed up. 

“Hey, have a little class, dude. If you want to talk about me like that, we can figure it out, but not to my boyfriend, alright?” Jisung says, surprisingly level headed for the situation at hand. It’s kind of sexy.

“Sung, Sungie, Jisung please, don’t,” Minho pleads, hanging off his arm. “He’s huge, he’s going to kill you.” 

Jisung looks at him, eyes softening. “Min, it’s fine, I’m not looking for a fight I just want him to know he can’t speak to you like that–” 

THWACK . 

The sickening snap of a fist meeting Jisung’s jaw startles a scream out of Minho. The force sends Jisung flying into Minho’s chest, he catches him and lets them both collapse to the ground pitifully.

Minho looks up, horrified. The guy is glaring down at him, eyes shining. Is he… crying? 

“Now I’m going to go back inside, and watch my Kate Hudson movies!” His eyes start leaking real, genuine tears. “Nobody fuck with me!” 

And then he’s gone, disappearing back into the theater. 

Holy shit. Holy shit. That did not just happen. 

“Son of a bitch…” Jisung whines, head cradled in Minho’s lap. 

Minho refocuses his attention to the man, stroking his hair and down his jaw where he’s hurt. “Oh my god, Sungie, are you ok? I’m so sorry.” 

Jisung groans, pained. 

Minho repositions them so he’s leaning against the wall. Jisung brings his head up to rest against his chest, melting into him. 

“Sung?” 

Jisung starts rubbing his head along Minho’s pecs, moaning again. 

“Sungie?” 

Now Jisung’s hand joins his exploration, running firmly up and down Minho’s chest. 

“Jisung!” Minho shouts.

“Ow, my ears,” Jisung complains. 

“Maybe we should go to the hospital.” 

“Mmmmm, noooo.” 

Minho runs his nails across Jisung’s scalp, the younger just leaning into him further. “You could be concussed, Sungie.” 

“No, no, I have a very thick skull, I just need you to stay right here…” he lets his sentence peter off, running his hand up and down Minho’s tit, squeezing a bit. “This is just so great, you know, my head hurts so bad.” 

“Han Jisung!” Minho squawks through the surprised laughter bubbling out of him, yanking himself from under Jisung’s weight and leaping to his feet. Jisung slumps to the sticky floor, stupid little grin on his face. 

“Oh my god! You are fine, you pervert!” Minho can’t help but laugh as he scolds the man, curled up on the ground laughing along with him. 

Minho’s chest pangs with something unfamiliar. Is he… endeared? 

Why is the sight of Jisung laying on the ground, red mark on his face while he glows with laughter making him feel something? He shouldn’t be feeling anything for anyone other than lust. 

That’s what this must be, he reasons. A twisted kink for men protecting him. Surely, the tug he’s feeling at the bottom of his heart is a sick form of sexual desire. 

He quickly locks the feeling up in a neat box, shoving it down. 

That’s a cap on that train of thought. 

Jisung smiles up at him, clutching his stomach like he’s been punched in the gut and not in the face. “Ahhh, my fragile ego!” he howls. 

Another wave of giggles tumbles out of Minho. “Get up, Mr. ‘Thick Skull.’” He holds a hand out, relaxing into an easy smile, helping Jisung up from the floor. 

Jisung’s eyes are shining, they look like they hold galaxies. “Can we go get meat?” the younger simpers.

Minho rolls his eyes. “Yeah, let's go.” He can’t stop the unbound smile from crawling across his face. Jisung has such a contagious energy. 

Jisung’s eyes curve up with his agreement, lunging in to capture Minho in a soft, sweet kiss. 

If he chases Jisung’s lips when they pull apart, stealing one more? That’s nobody’s business. 

And if he drops the act for the rest of the night, allowing himself to genuinely enjoy Jisung’s company— stumbling their way down the street, kissing and laughing, and continuing their flirty banter throughout dinner? Also nobody’s business. 

His boxes are stacked neatly, locked up and hidden. All is well.

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 5: Move Way Too Fast

One of the most common mistakes I see others making in relationships is moving too fast. New relationships are exciting, they make you feel good, and sometimes it's hard not to get lost in those feelings. I’m going to bump it up to a ten; if a normal relationship is a city highway, I’m going formula one. Of course, I’ll be adding some other classics to the mix, making things more difficult in general. Not anything that deserves to be included as its own step, but rather, little things that could pile up. 

The funny thing is, when J and I went out (after I put him at risk of a concussion), I had a really lovely time. The feeling of seamlessly clicking with someone still hasn’t faded– but crushes are for teenagers, right?

If you need more tips on shaking off a hopeless crush, check out my past columns: How To Get Over Your Ex With Just Your Hand, and , How To Snap Out of Your Daydreaming Problem!

Wednesday - 11:02 am - 3Racha Studio

“But really, it wasn’t that bad.”

Chan looks at him incredulously. “Really?” 

“I mean, getting punched in the face, that’s never great, but Minho taking care of me after the punch to the face? I could get used to that.” Jisung can’t help the smile that worms its way across his face. 

Thinking about Minho tends to make him smile. It’s annoying. 

“Hey, don’t feel bad, If I had a nickel for every time I got into a fist fight during a romcom… Sheesh . We could rent out the whole theater!” 

“Right…” Jisung narrows his eyes at Changbin, silently judging him for his lame joke. 

Never to be outdone, Seungmin piles on, smarmy grin already twitching. “If I had a nickel for every time Jisung’s doctor roleplay progressed into a public nudity charge, I could buy the theater from Changbin.” 

“Okay, Seungmin, that was one time. You’d have one nickel. One ,” Jisung snaps. 

Seungmin cackles delightedly. “What can I say, Changbin’s easy to persuade.” 

“Enough about Jisung’s weird sex preferences. When’s your next date?” Chan cuts in. 

“Tonight! And, hey, don’t kinkshame. Maybe I’ll get to bust out my doctor costume later.” 

Changbin snorts. “Oh god, for Minho’s sake, I hope not.” 

“The guy I was dating was like, crazy in bed but in an emotional way. I’d almost rather take the doctor costume than that.” Seungmin shrugs. 

“Oh Seungminnie, are you flirting with me?” Jisung grins devilishly, moving in to poke Seungmin’s sides. “Do you want to see the costume?” 

Seungmin bats his hands away. “Absolutely not.” 

“Sung, be nice, Minnie is opening up to us about his personal life. He never does that!” Chan whines, stupid caring look in his eyes. “Tell us more, Min, did he cry?” 

“Yeah, Seungmin’s dick is probably so small that he cried in shock,” Jisung snickers.

Seungmin remains completely blank faced. It’s almost impossible to get through to bother him, no matter how desperately Jisung tries. “You know what. Nevermind. I don’t want to tell you, I’ll go talk to one of the girls instead,” Seungmin intones, getting up and stalking out of the room. “Hey, Sooyoung, do you want to go get lunch?” 

As soon as the door slams behind him, Chan is on Jisung, smacking him lightly on the side of his head. “Nice job, nimrod, I really wanted to know about the guy he was dating.” 

“Apparently he was really hot,” Changbin adds, feet up on his desk. 

Chan nods, solemnly. “I think he really liked him for a bit… I don’t know what went wrong.” 

Jisung groans loudly, bringing the attention back to himself. “Let’s talk about my hot date. I’m going to cook for him tonight.” 

Changbin smirks, raising an eyebrow. “Cooking?”

“You’re cooking?” Chan scoffs.

“Mhm.”

“ You’re cooking?” Now Chan is trying not to laugh. 

Jisung tilts his head menacingly. “That’s what I said, Chris, keep up please.” 

“Ooooooh, he pulled out the government name!” Changbin laughs, nearly falling off his chair when Chan comes to sock him in the arm. Daddy is being violent today! 

“What are you cooking?” Chan still doesn’t sound like he believes him. 

“A beautiful lamb dinner. Gonna bust out my good wine and everything. He’s going to fall so in love with me… just watch.” Jisung rubs his hands together. It’s going to be great, he’s planned it all out in his head. Who doesn’t love a man who can cook? It’s a fundamental truth of falling in love!

“Gay people do love a good wine,” Changbin comments. 

Chan closes his eyes, pensive look on his face. “Wine and dine, doctor roleplay for dessert, got it.”

Jisung smirks. “Bingo.”

Wednesday - 12:13 pm - Maxident Magazine Corporate Office

“I can’t believe the gyro guys always forget my onions!” Minho whines, tucking into his onionless meal. 

“I can’t believe you got your man knocked out,” Felix giggles, eyes alight. 

They’ve been listening to Minho’s recap of his night, all the guys gathered around him. 

“Only for a few seconds!” Minho defends. “He was the most adorable unconscious man ever.” It’s true. Jisung is adorable when he’s unconscious. 

He’s adorable most of the time, to be fair, but that hardly seems relevant. 

“Adorable?” Jeongin scoffs. “Are you dating him or adding him to your harem of cats?” 

Minho digs a tomato out of his gyro and chucks it at Jeongin’s head. 

“Minho, I am loving your notes on this piece!” Nayeon’s voice sing-songs from behind him, nearly startling him enough to scream.

He turns around to face Nayeon, pretending like she didn’t just scare the shit out of him. His boss stands, unbothered, weight on one cocked hip. 

“Thank you, Nayeon.”

Her eyes sparkle. “When are you seeing him again?” 

“Tonight, he’s cooking me dinner,” Minho tells her. 

“Wonderful, I have a great feeling about this story, Minho, keep it up!” she doles out her rare praise with enthusiasm. Damn. Who knew this would be the story that makes Nayeon respect him. 

He nods curtly. “Thanks, Nayeon.” 

She smiles, spinning around on her 4 inch heels and clicking away. 

“God, I hate it when she pops her head in like that…” Hyunjin mutters. 

Nayeon sticks her head around the corner she just disappeared behind. “Still here!” she says cheerfully. 

This does startle Hyunjin enough to make him scream. 

Nayeon ignores his horror, pinning her eyes on Felix instead. “Felix, I need those tiktoks posted by two pm.” 

“On it!” 

Hyunjin clenches his teeth, smiling through the pain as Nayeon leaves for real. 

Minho can’t help but laugh. 

Wednesday - 6:56 pm - Jisung’s Apartment

A loud knock sounds from the door. 

Jisung looks up from his meticulous preparation of the most love-worthy dinner he’s ever made. “Come in!”

The door swings open, Minho bustles inside carrying a large box in his arms, miscellaneous things poking out of it. He doesn’t want to ask. 

“Hi jagi!” Minho says sweetly, trotting over to give Jisung a kiss. 

Mmm. He doesn’t think he could ever get tired of the feeling of Minho’s lips on his, it's addicting. Oh shit. That’s kind of a big thought. He should push that one away for later consideration.

Minho rushes out of the kitchen, with his box, disappearing into his apartment. “I hope you’re hungry, baby,” he calls loud enough so that wherever Minho went, he can hear him. “Pour yourself a glass of wine, it’s on the table, dinner in five.” 

He finishes up his masterpiece, walking the dishes to the table. Minho is fiddling with his stereo, it looks like he’s inserting his own CD. When he gets his desired song playing, Minho squeals in delight, clapping his hands. The first notes of ‘You’re so Vain’ by Carly Simon start plunking out of the speakers. 

Minho sings along, “ You walked in to the party, like you were walking onto a yacht… ” The man is dancing too, trying to grab Jisung’s hands as he approaches. 

He looks around his living room, it’s like a grandma’s trip to Homegoods exploded in here. Frilly pink pillows and blankets have been draped onto every seating implement, there’s even a doily on the coffee table. Is this what Minho had in that massive fucking box? 

“Oh wow, look at all this… stuff!” he says, shocked. 

“ Your scarf it was apricot .” Minho just smiles at him, continuing his song and dance. Breaking away to spin around the room. 

What the hell. 

Jisung picks his way across the apartment to his bedroom, met with the sight of the ugliest bed covering he’s ever seen in his life. It’s a bright pink and purple paisley pattern, it’s horrendous. 

“A new comforter too! Wow!” his tone overflows with faux excitement, trying to avoid making Minho feel bad. He’ll have to wait until later and tell Minho that he spilled soup on his bed or something. Get rid of the thing. 

“ And all the girls dreamed that they’d be Sung’s partner, they’d be Sung’s partner .” Minho twirls over to him, poking him in the cheeks while he replaces lyrics with Jisung’s name. He’s smiling with all his teeth showing, Jisung can’t even be too annoyed, Minho is so fucking pretty. “ And, you’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you !” 

Jisung laughs, catching Minho’s prodding hands and bringing them to his mouth for a kiss. Who is this man that he’s able to repeatedly give Jisung the inexplicable urge to kiss his hands like he’s a peasant to Minho’s prince? Gross. 

“What’s in the box, baby?” He manages to catch Minho at a break in his song, pointing to the leaves sticking out of the top of the container. 

Minho stops singing right away, sucking in an excited breath and scampering over to his treasure. “It’s a baby fern!” He pulls out a cute potted plant, presenting it to Jisung like an award. “Just like our relationship, it’s a helpless little baby in need of tender love and care!” 

“Oh, cool!” Jisung is strangely touched that Minho remembered that he likes plants.

He tries to take the pot from Minho, but the man quickly snatches it back, hugging it to his chest protectively. “You better take good care of the baby, or else I’ll get the wrong idea about how you feel about our future,” he warns, ominously. 

“Of course, babe,” he assures, pulling the plant gently from his arms and setting it on the coffee table. “You know I love plants, why don’t we just sit down and eat?” He guides a pouting Minho to the table, steady hand on his back. 

Wednesday - 7:01 pm - Jisung’s Apartment

Minho forgot Jisung likes plants. 

Stupid, stupid Minho. How could he forget something so obvious!? They literally talked about it on their very first date. Damn. 

He expected to be able to use the plant as a game token, complaining and crying when the thing inevitably dies. He even laid on the story thick, spouting some bullshit about loving and caring for their relationship. Jisung didn’t seem to hear any of that, just looking down at the plant with his stupid, giant, galaxy eyes and smiling. Ugh. 

He lets Jisung pull out his chair for him, sitting down at the table. 

No need to dwell on his failures, he has other plans for the night. The plant is just a slight misstep. 

Jisung picks up the largest platter on the table, holding it out so Minho can see. “Chef’s special tonight, lamb with a cherry glaze. Let me cut you off a piece,” he says proudly. 

He should be proud, the food looks great. It’s too bad that Minho came over with no intention to so much as taste anything Jisung has prepared. 

He twists his forehead so his eyebrows meet, putting on his best pouty lip, whimpering for extra effect. 

Jisung puts down the plate, moving to cup both of Minho’s cheeks, stroking softly. 

Ouch. Ow. There’s that stupid yanking again, right at the bottom of his heart. “Hey, woah, baby, are you ok?” Jisung’s face shows genuine concern. 

“It’s beautiful…” Minho whines, as annoyingly as he can. 

“Thanks?” Jisung is clearly confused. 

“You’re beautiful, Sungie…” 

“Right, thank you…” 

“But I can’t eat lamb!” Minho wails. 

Jisung’s thumbs come up to brush away the stray tears he squeezes out of his eyes. Minho attended the Hwang Hyunjin masterclass on fake crying to prepare for the date. A worthy investment! 

“ Mary had a little lamb ,” Minho sings in a baby voice. Jisung just stares, rubbing at his cheeks comfortingly. “You have to take it away before I gag !” 

This gets Jisung to spring into action, hurrying to move the platter out of Minho’s sight. When he comes back, he pulls out his chair and drags it closer, sitting down so their knees knock together. 

“We ate meat earlier this week? What’s wrong?” Jisung asks. 

Ah, right, he figured Jisung might ask for an explanation. Good thing he workshopped this with Hyunjin, too. “Oh Sungie, it’s just lamb… it reminds me so much of my own little cats… they’re just babies and we slaughter them!” He grabs his phone from his pocket, tapping it awake so he can shove his lock screen in Jisung’s face, a sweet photo of his babies cuddling. “Aren’t my Soonie and Doongie just the cutest little lambs, Sung?” He collapses, body wracked with a fresh round of tears. 

Jisung gently grabs Minho’s chin, tipping it up from where it lays against his sternum. “No big deal, baby, I’m sorry about that. Let’s go eat somewhere else, then.” 

Fuck Jisung. 

Fuck Jisung for being so kind and understanding and adaptable. 

“Oh, alright, I just can’t bear to eat any meat tonight, not when I’m thinking about the babies…” 

Fuck you, Han Jisung. 

Wednesday - 7:58 pm - Greener Pastures Vegan Cuisine

“Aish, this stuff is for cows.” Jisung pushes his sad looking lettuce around on his plate. 

“What did you say?” Minho trills, glaring at him from across the table. 

“Nothing! Hah,” he covers weakly. After Minho’s breakdown, he found the closest vegan restaurant to his apartment and whisked them there. 

Putting his lamb in the fridge was heartbreaking, he slaved over that damn meal. At least Chan and Changbin will be happy, when he brings the leftovers to work tomorrow. 

Minho is sending daggers at him across the table. Shit. How could this date go so wrong, so fast. 

Jisung is pretty sure Minho is into him, from the way the older man clings to him and acts mildly crazy about him, but he has no read on how close Minho is to falling in love . 

Minho’s ringtone brings him out of his mind, he glances down at the screen. HAN HASEUL , reads the caller ID.

What the fuck, that’s his mom’s name. What a coincidence. 

Minho picks up his phone, tapping once to answer. His face goes from a scowl to a beautiful smile in seconds flat. He’s speaking into the phone in his most pleasant voice, pausing intermittently so the other person can respond. “Oh hi, Haseul!... Mhm… Oh, thank you so much for that brownie recipe, it turned out phenomenal… mhm… yeah…” Is Minho going to have a full phone conversation with someone else while they’re on a date? “Oh, yep! Your son is right here! Sungie, your mom wants to speak to you!” He holds the phone out with an innocent grin. 

What the fuck. Minho is talking to his mom. 

He feels his eyes nearly bulge out of his head, hand shaking as he takes the phone, raising it to his head. “Hi… mom?” 

“Hi, Jisung! How are you? I just wanted to let you know that your father wants you to come home soon, he has some stuff for you and you brother to fight over,” his mom sounds happy, and completely normal. Seemingly not being held at gunpoint in some crazy scheme to freak him out.

What the fuck, Lee Minho. 

“I– Okay, sure,” he stutters. 

“Ok now give me back to Minho, I have to ask him something else.” 

Jisung follows her orders wordlessly, mouth hanging open, extending his arm out. 

Minho looks up from where he’s inspecting his nails, unbothered. He gets right back into his cheerful chatter as soon as he takes the phone back. “Hi again, Seul!” 

They’re on a nickname basis?

“No, I haven’t shown him yet, I’m about to!” Minho laughs. “Mhm, okay… bye bye, love you too, bye.” 

They’re on an ‘I love you’ basis? 

Jisung has a thousand questions, but he only chokes out one, “You talk to my mom ?!” 

Minho looks nonplussed, giving no reaction to the question, simply hauling his giant tote bag from behind his chair and dropping it onto the table. 

“Hello?” Jisung asks, searching for any indication that Minho can hear him talking. 

Minho stands up, loudly dragging his chair around to Jisung’s side of the table and plopping down right next to him, so close that they’re pressed together. Jisung’s traitorous heart skips a beat. 

“I used photoshop at work today…” Minho starts, shoving his hands into his bag to dig around. If only Jisung knew what was next, then he could have prepared himself to better withstand the fallout of the bomb. “I composited our faces together to see what our kids will look like! A family album!” He pulls out a large scrapbook, slamming it down on the table with a thwack . 

Jisung’s face must not be hiding his emotions as well as he hopes, because Minho takes one look at him and the tears start welling up in his eyes. Shit. Jisung has never met anyone who cries as easily as Lee Minho. 

“You don’t want to see our children?” Minho’s bottom lip sticks so far out a bird could land on it. 

“We don’t have- we can’t have, children, Minho,” Jisung says tightly.

‘Freaked out’ feels like a good description of what he’s feeling right now. 

“I hate you,” Minho hisses, starting to stand up from his chair. 

Shit. This is not good. That’s the opposite of what he needs to hear. 

“No, no, baby, wait!” He grabs onto Minho’s arm, holding him in place. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that, ok? Please show me, I want to see,” he pleads. 

Minho whips his head away, refusing to make eye contact. “You don’t want to see them. You think I’m crazy .” 

“No, Min, I was just surprised, I do want to see them, really,” he lies through his teeth, trying to coax Minho to sit back down with a kiss to the back of his hand. 

The older man’s lips quirk up into a smile. “Really?” 

Thank god. 

“Really,” Jisung assures. 

Minho flops back into his seat, pushing himself impossibly close to Jisung’s side. He spins the book to face them, swinging the cover open. 

Jesus Christ, this man is not… normal. 

“Here’s our wedding,” Minho chatters happily, tears dried up, pointing out each image as he goes. “I’m thinking of spring for the ceremony, lots of flowers.” The photos are surprisingly well edited. Minho is really great at photoshop, apparently. Each page is also adorned with themed stickers and little scribbles of Minho’s handwriting. 

Jisung nods, taking it all in.

“This is our first child, Minsung Jr.”

“Yeah.” This is a bit much. 

“Here’s us on vacation at Disney World! Look at little Jiho on your shoulders!” 

Oh, so they have two kids. Good to know. 

“Here’s both of the kids on their first day of school! Aren’t they precious?” 

“Our kids are really… attractive,” Jisung hums, unable to stir up any more of a reaction.

Minho giggles, smacking him lightly in the arm. “Oh, Sungie, you know they would be!” 

He pushes through more photos; family vacation in Europe, high school graduation, off to college. Eventually, when it’s over, Minho happily shoves the book into Jisung’s chest. 

“Jagi, take this home with you, I want you to treasure the work I put in, okay? It’s a gift!” Minho fixes his happiest look on his face, absolutely overjoyed. 

Jisung wants to say that he has the will to resist a pretty smile, but with Minho, he’s starting to think that’s not the case. “O-okay.” 

“Maybe we can composite a bigger family portrait and hang it on that big open wall in your apartment! Doesn’t that sound magnificent?” Minho croons, eyes crinkling up in glee. 

Fuck DahMo for getting him into this mess.

Fuck Minho for being so irresistable, despite his absolutely loony moments. 

Fuck Jisung, for being irreparably tied to it all. 

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 6: Adopt Him a Cat?

Listen, I’m running on empty. At this point, I’m spitballing. I really thought the family album would do it… on top of calling his mom? That is not normal behavior. I’m running out of ideas, so I have to get creative. I’m going to adopt J a cat. I know that my parents always hated an unexpected pet bill. Maybe I’m just making up excuses to get another cat; secretly hoping that J will be so disgusted, I have no choice but to take the baby home with me! Either way, this seems like something just random enough that it could push him over the edge. 

If nothing else, my annoying crush will definitely be ridden for good if he reacts badly to the kitty. No man is more important to me than that. 

If you need more tips on finding your perfect pet, check out my past columns: How To Adopt, Not Shop, and, How To Know When You’ve Met Your Pet Soulmate! 

Monday - 12:00 pm - 3Racha Studio

“I see that I’m icy? Does that even make sense, like, as a sentence?” Jisung asks.

They’re trying to brainstorm lyrics for a new girl group single, at it for hours and mostly coming up blank. Seungmin is so zoned out that he’s more focused on balancing a pen on his nose than thinking of lyrics. 

“I think we can get away with it,” Chan huffs, rubbing his fingers against his temples. “It’s not perfect… but…” 

“But,” Changbin chimes in. “If it’s slightly off, that just makes it more catchy. Gets stuck in people’s head easier.” 

Jisung leans over and flicks the pen off Seungmin’s nose, just to be annoying. The man smacks him in retaliation. 

Chan glares at them in warning, hitting play on the beat to the song. “We could put any words to this and it would be catchy,” he notes. 

Changbin moans and groans, standing up and stretching his back. “Can we please take a break?” 

“Coffee,” Seungmin drones, too tired to form a full sentence.

“I think Sooyoung and Jungeun wanted to try that new place down the road,” Chan notes, leading the guys towards the office pool table. They frequently play pool on their breaks, he and Chan caught in an intense rivalry over who the better player is. 

“Ah, sweet, I’ll go with them after they get out of their meeting, they keep pestering me for details about Felix,” Changbin says, watching as Jisung sets up the balls on the table. 

“Shit, bro, I hope yours is going well. My man is driving me crazy. Maybe hitting something with a big stick will help me get out my frustration,” Jisung sighs. 

Seungmin sits down at his normal perch, a chair overlooking the table, never interested in playing. “Which man, Chan or Minho?”

Chan swings the pool cue he’s picked up and whacks Seungmin on the back of the head with it. 

“Wait, I thought you said that Minho is amazing and perfect and ‘possibly your soulmate,’” Changbin guffaws. 

Jisung deeply regrets telling Changbin these things. The man is a menace. “That was the cool Minho… fun and sexy Minho. I’m talking about evil Minho, it’s like… I swear he flips a switch and all of a sudden I can see the devil in his eyes…” 

“Shame I gave up on catholicism, I could have performed an exorcism for you,” Seungmin pouts. 

“I thought demons were supposed to be sexy!” Jisung whines, stomping his foot. “This one is just… insane.” 

Chan looks up at him, mouth pressed into a sad little line. “You just gotta lock it down for two more weeks, buddy, you got this.” 

“Ah, thanks, Channie.” 

Chan splits into his normal dimpled grin. “Don’t mention it, Sung, only the best for my favorite child!” He pokes into Jisung’s squishy cheeks, drawing giggles out of him. 

“Hey!” Seungmin and Changbin protest at exactly the same time.

Monday - 12:10 pm - JYP Entertainment

“Hiiiiiiiii!” Minho sings, as loud as he can muster, his voice echoing in the concrete loft.

Jisung turns around from where he’s facing a pool table, eyes swimming with panic. 

Hah. Got him. 

“Minho?” Jisung composes himself quickly, accepting the hug and kiss Minho greets him with. 

Minho places the giant muffin basket he’s carrying in the middle of the pool table, where they’re clearly in the middle of a game, knocking some of the balls out of place. Oops! 

“My little muffin! A muffin for you,” he trills, plucking one out and placing it in Jisung’s hands.

Minho feels his backpack wiggle. He hopes Dori doesn’t make any noise before the big reveal. 

“Jagi, we were just talking about you!” Jisung says as Minho works to press little kisses to every inch of his face. Jisung’s cheeks are starting to glow red. “How are you? You look gorgeous.” 

Jisung manages to wrench Minho away from his face, holding him at arm's length as his eyes rake up and down his body. Minho hates the tingly feeling he gets from the movement. 

“Oh, thank you Sungie. You have to introduce me to everyone!” He motions to the other men, staring at him like he’s the 8th wonder of the world.

“Right! Well, this is Bang Chan.” Jisung points to a muscular guy with curly hair and cute dimples. 

“Handsome!” Minho chirps. 

Maybe Jisung has a jealous streak he can hit a nerve on. 

Jisung just tugs him a bit closer, whispering in his ear, “Don’t inflate his ego.” Minho laughs, earning a smile from Jisung. “Seo Changbin.” He points to a man that Minho already knows because Felix won’t shut up about him. He can’t blame his friend, really, the man is hot as hell.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Changbin nods politely.

“I’ve heard a lot about your arms,” Minho informs him seriously. 

Changbin laughs noisily, it’s a nice sound. 

“And that’s Kim Seungmin, don’t believe anything he tells you, he’s a liar.” Jisung points to the last guy, sitting, legs crossed, observing the scene with steady eyes. He’s cute. A bit too lanky for Minho’s taste, but definitely handsome. 

“Sungie has told me so much about all of you!” Minho gushes. He turns to Jisung to stage whisper, keeping his voice loud enough so everyone can hear, “Oh, Sungie, they don’t look as simple-minded as you say!” 

Jisung’s jaw drops. 

Jisung never said that, Minho made it up. 

Seungmin bursts out laughing. “It’s too bad Jisung does, huh?” 

Minho smiles right back at the man, stoic face breaking at the joke. 

Jisung rolls his eyes, huffing, “I need to keep you two away from each other.” 

Minho wiggles out of Jisung’s hold, moving to pull off his backpack. It’s specifically designed to carry cats around, he just hasn’t let Jisung catch a glimpse of it yet. “Jagiya,” he coos. 

“What’s up?” 

“Look what I got us!” Minho sets his bag on the ground, unzipping it and lifting Dori out. The kitten is dressed in a plaid sweater vest, exactly matching the one Minho is wearing. He has to stop himself from squealing at the sight, it’s so cute. He’s the one who put the fucking cat in the outfit and he still feels like crying from how cute he is. 

“Oh… my god,” Jisung coughs, blinking at the animal. 

“A cat?” Changbin asks, sounding just as confused as Jisung looks. 

“Wow, Minho! So thoughtful!” Seungmin bubbles, clearly trying to work Jisung up. Minho likes that one. 

Minho grins at Seungmin’s reaction, cradling the baby to his chest. He's a little spooked but Minho specifically picked him out because he’s so mellow. “His name is Dori!” 

“I– Where did you…” Jisung seems to be struggling to get out his words.

Minho decides to take pity on him by explaining. “He was sitting at the shelter I volunteer at for so long, I just couldn’t bear to see him sit any longer when your apartment is so big and clean and perfect for a cat!” 

“How… thoughtful?” Jisung says it like a question. 

“Oh wait! There’s more!” He dives back into his bags, pulling out a plaid button up shirt that matches the sweaters he and Dori are sporting, shoving it into Jisung’s chest. It’s very ugly. 

“For me?” Jisung grabs the offensive shirt, holding it up. 

Minho nods vigorously. 

“Wow, get out of town!” The man is clearly trying to smile through the pain. It almost makes Minho laugh. 

“Try it on!” He grins. 

“It’s great! It looks like the inside of a raincoat!” Seungmin calls from across the room. Minho stifles a laugh at the apt observation. He really likes that one. 

Jisung is hesitating, unsure if he should put the thing on. “Sung. Put it on, I need to know it fits,” Minho says firmly, a warning. 

“Right, sorry, I was just going to save it for a special occasion, but…” Jisung tries to cover for himself, shrugging the shirt over his tee and buttoning it up. 

“Oh yeah. That’s nice,” Changbin says, giggling a bit.

Minho smooths his non-cat filled hand down Jisung’s chest, flattening out any wrinkles. 

“Wow, Sung, you’re a vision in khaki,” Seungmin teases. 

“We’re going to be a little happy family! Just the three of us… plus Soonie and Doongie… but I left them at home today,” Minho chatters excitedly. “I got them matching outfits too, don’t worry. Soonie even has a beret!” He doesn’t have to fake his enthusiasm about this part, he loves dressing his cats up.

Jisung clenches his teeth in a tight smile. “This is exciting!” he grits.

“He’s our baby boy, Sungie!” Minho shoves Dori into Jisung’s arms, the kitten taking to him immediately, purring and nudging Jisung’s chin with his head. 

“Oh, see, that’s sweet,” Chan speaks up, smiling widely. 

Minho activates the next section of his plan, grabbing Dori back from Jisung and dumping him onto the table, jumping at Jisung rabidly to kiss him. He goes for his mouth, but Jisung moves away at the last second, Minho’s lips land on his neck instead. 

“Woah, woah, Min, baby, slow down,” Jisung chuckles as Minho drags his teeth down the man’s pulse point. He’s pretty sure he feels Jisung shivers at the sensation. He needs to thoroughly embarrass Jisung in front of his friends. 

He only detaches himself from Jisung’s neck when Changbin yelps. 

Dori is peeing on the pool table. 

“Oopsie! He’s not neutered yet, so he’s having some spraying problems!” Minho laughs, turning to the cat and putting on his best baby voice. “Oh he’s a pisser!” Minho coos, making grabby hands for Dori. “Come here, tinkle king! Who’s my little pisser?” 

“Well, congratulations little plaid family…” Seungmin says, sarcasm seeping through. 

Two women join the commotion, both strikingly gorgeous. Being hot must be a prerequisite to work here. 

“Binnie, you ready to go?” the woman with darker hair asks. As soon as she realizes Minho is there, she introduces herself as Sooyoung, her friend is Jongeun. 

Changbin happily follows them away, apparently off on a coffee run, saying his goodbyes to Minho. 

Chan puffs out a big breath. “Ah, yeah, we have a lot of work to do, right Seungmin?” he squeezes out, clearly looking for an excuse to leave. 

“Yep!” Seungmin quickly catches on. “Sooooo much work!” 

“It was nice meeting you, Minho!” Chan smiles politely. 

“And you too, Dori,” Seungmin simpers, locking eyes with Jisung as he does. 

Minho holds Dori up, picking up one of his little paws and waving it at the men. “Bye bye! Dori says bye!” 

“Yeah guys, get out of here,” Jisung complains lightheartedly. Minho can tell he really cares for his friends, beneath the cocky persona. 

“Don’t get hate crimed for wearing those gay ass outfits!” Seungmin shouts before scampering out of sight. What a little imp. 

“Oh, come here,” Jisung reaches to lift Dori into his arms, looking down at the cat sweetly and stroking his head. Dori purrs loudly, enjoying the attention. 

Minho bites his lip to stop himself from making an embarrassing noise at how cute the sight is. This was a horrible, terrible, no good idea. The worst idea he’s ever had, maybe.

Men who are good with animals are his biggest weakness, and he’s gone and placed the cutest kitten in the world into the arms of the man he’s desperately trying to convince himself he doesn’t have a crush on. 

His heart pulls and pulls, nearly collapsing in on itself. He wants to kiss Jisung so badly it scares him. 

He swallows down the urge, but it tears into his insides as it goes down. A moment of peace.

“Do you love him?” he asks Jisung quietly.

Jisung peeks up, through his lashes. He’s pretty. 

“He’s so cute. I always wanted one, but my mom is allergic.” 

Minho’s heart softens to goo. He lets his facade crumble, drinking in the sight of a beautiful man, his boyfriend , holding a beautiful cat. 

Jisung laughs when Dori licks him on the hand with his rough little tongue. “I do like his outfit on him. I like when animals wear people clothes.” His face relaxes into a natural grin, he looks perfect. 

Minho is afraid his words will come out shaky, taking a couple of breaths to steady himself. 

Pull it together, loser. Minho doesn’t do feelings, Minho doesn’t feel feelings. No one makes him feel feelings. His brain must be all scrambled from being in forced proximity with Jisung for so long, acting like a couple. It’s the only reason his carefully constructed walls could have come crashing down so easily. 

“Doesn’t he just attack your heart?” Minho’s voice is solid and confident. Crisis averted. 

“Gonna give me a heart attack,” Jisung murmurs, kissing Dori on the head. 

Minho smiles again. He’s become so weak. “Cuteness induced cardiac arrest.” 

He can’t tell if he’s talking about Dori or Jisung. 

Monday - 4:30 pm - Sana’s Office

“Heart attack!” Jisung bursts into Sana’s office with the force of a tornado. Sana doesn’t have a door, instead, blue velvet curtains hang in the doorway. She says it makes her seem more approachable. It doesn’t. 

Jisung has been waiting for her to get out of meetings all day, stewing in his ideas. 

After Minho left, he took Dori home for his lunch break, picking up some essential cat things on their way back. He still needs to do more shopping, but he’ll be good until Jisung gets home. 

He can’t lie and say that he wasn’t surprised when Minho pulled out the cat, but it’s seeming more like a blessing than a curse. He really has always wanted a cat. 

That’s not the most important thing Minho has done for him today, though, because Minho’s little ’heart attack’ spiel finally broke through his writer’s block. 

“Excuse me?” Sana looks up, clearly peeved at his intrusion. 

“Heart attack, that’s our title track, I’ve already written half the song.” He stands proudly, pushing his chest out a bit. 

“That’s how people die, Jisung,” Momo snarls. Shit, he hadn’t even realized Dahyun and Momo are here, sitting across from Sana at her strangely large desk. 

“I’m talking about love, babe,” he spits Momo’s poison right back at her. “When it’s so intense and hits so fast you feel like you’re dying. You know? The feeling you get where you know it’s your person from the get, when you’ve never felt something so intense before… you attack my heart.” 

He‘a having a hard time parsing through how much of his speech is bullshit and how much is pulled from the whisper of feelings swimming at the bottom of his chest cavity. The ones he’s been strictly ignoring.

“Heart attack…” Sana squints her eyes, rolling around the idea in her head. 

“Heart attack,” he confirms. 

“How’d you come up with that?” She muses. 

Jisung smirks, confidence coming back to him. “I got it off the man that’s falling madly in love with me.” 

“Mhm… alright. That may work.” Sana nods briefly, confirming she likes his idea. “As for the man, that’s for me to decide at the party.” Success. 

“If he can get him there,” Dahyun scoffs. 

Jisung turns to her, face out of Sana’s view and sticks his tongue out childishly. She doesn’t react. 

“I can put together a demo to play at the party, get people excited,” he says, focusing back on Sana. 

Sana’s face lights up the way it does when she‘s about to start thinking out loud. “The theme of the event can be love , but we can make it more edgy… more intense… heart attack…” 

Jisung snaps his fingers, glad she’s getting the vibe. “Exactly!” 

“Alright, Sung, I like it.” She smiles at him, and he smiles right back. 

Thank god for Lee Minho. 

Just then, the curtains come flying open, a tiny girl with straight across bangs flings them apart, throwing her arms out and pushing the fabric behind her. “Are you ready?” she shouts, smile taking over her face. She’s impossibly cute. 

She opens her eyes, blinking before realizing she’s in the wrong place. “Oh my god, this is not my girlfriend’s office. I am so sorry!” 

She’s gone as fast as she came. He swears she’s the girl he’s seen in photos on Sooyoung’s desk, probably the girlfriend she’s searching for. 

Damn. 

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 7: Make Him Jealous

Have you ever dated a guy you thought was so cute, and then he takes you to meet his friends for the first time and they’re all 10’s? I’ve already met J’s friends; and while none of them really.. do it for me like he does, it still stands that most men would hate their significant other getting a little too friendly with someone else. Whether it be his friends, or your own, flirting with someone in front of your man is a no-no. J has withstood a lot, lets see how deep his envy runs. Something shiny and new will always be tempting, but at the end of the day, be careful who you flirt with, especially if your partner is uncomfortable with it.

It feels a little selfish to take on this task knowing that I’m someone who gets hot and bothered by a little possessiveness, but, dear reader, I do it all for you. 

If you need more tips on figuring out what makes you tick, check out my past columns: How To Get in Touch With Your Freaky Side, and , How To Discover Your Hidden Kinks!

Friday - 6:48 pm - Jisung’s Apartment

Jisung drops onto the couch as soon as he enters his apartment. He’s had the longest day of his life, not even getting a chance to check his notifications. 

Dori pads up to him, jumping on the couch and curling into his lap, purring. It’s been nice to have Dori around, he’s a sweet boy. Minho has been dropping by to check in on him, too. Jisung’s heart beats a little faster every time he sees Minho interact with the kitten. It’s so disgustingly adorable that he wants to eat them both up (and also spread Minho out under him). 

He pets Dori mindlessly, finally checking his phone. Fifteen new voicemails? What the hell? 

Message 1, Minho, 10 am: “Hi jagiyaaaa it’s me! Where are you?”

Message 2, Minho, 11 am: “Sungie, it’s Minho, where are you?” 

Message 3, Minho, 11:30 am: “Jisungie, why aren’t you answering your phone?” 

Message 5, Changbin, 11:38 am: “Yo, I know you’re stuck in meetings all day, but we’re still going to Studio tonight. Don’t be late or Seungmin will kill you.” Then Seungmin’s muffled voice, “Violently!” 

Messages 10-15 are all from Minho. Jesus Christ. He doesn’t even have time to dwell on how insane the thought is before there’s a knock at his door. 

He gets up, leaving Dori perturbed that his seat has moved. “Who is it?” he yells. He definitely didn’t invite anyone over.

“It’s me!” 

Shit, it’s Minho. Maybe he just came by to see Dori. That’s more sane than him following up on the fourteen voicemails he left throughout the day. 

Jisung opens the door. “Hi.”

Minho is smiling, he pushes past Jisung right away, coming in like the place is his own. “Hi, baby, I tried to get ahold of you but you wouldn’t answer!” 

Ok, so the crazy option, then. 

Minho confuses him to no end, most of the time he’s sexy and fun and flirty, but then everything else is so intense. 

Jisung is especially confused at why his gut doesn’t feel the urge to leave. Something about Minho makes him feel like he might work it all out. But it’s all hypothetical, of course, because he’s not staying with Minho long term… just for now… 

Jisung reminds himself to tread lightly, Minho is a ticking time bomb, one small misstep could set him off. 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. I was in production meetings all day, and then Sana wanted to take me out to dinner. I just now got a free moment.” 

Minho pouts, cutely. “Well what are you doing tonight? Can I stay?” Minho is trucking for his bedroom.

“It’s not really a good night, Min, the boys and I have a tradition where we go out to Studio and…”

“Oh great, I’ll come with you!” Minho grins, pinching Jisung’s cheek. 

“Wha–” Jisung can’t keep up. 

He’s having a very hard time keeping up lately. 

Minho slides a duffel bag Jisung hasn’t even realized he’d been carrying off his shoulder and dumps the contents onto his bed. Clothes and makeup? 

“Good thing I brought everything to get ready!” he crows.

Jisung is stuck. He knows the guys won’t really mind, except for Seungmin, maybe, but it’s the principle of the thing. “It’s kind of a friends only type of thing, baby, we don’t really bring significant others.” 

Minho’s face falls into a disastrously sad look, mouth turned down. “I knew it… you hate me!” Here come the tears. 

“What? Baby, no!” He scoops Minho into his arms, holding him close. The man blubbers into his shoulder, it's extremely wet. 

“You don’t want me to get close to your friends because you don’t see us working out long term!” Minho howls. “I get it!” 

Fuck, now what. Maybe ruining one Studio night, in the name of the bet, isn’t the biggest deal. 

“Baby, no, that’s not it at all. Look, I’ll call Changbin and tell him you’re coming along. Maybe he can bring Felix, then I can meet your friends too!” 

Minho pulls away from his shoulder, cheeks red and shiny. “R-really?” he hiccups. 

Jisung brings up his hand to wipe away Minho’s tears. Someone so pretty shouldn’t cry so much. He cups his chin in one hand and leans in to kiss Minho on the tip of his nose. “Really.” 

“Ok!” Minho’s despair drops as fast as it came, his face shining with an earth-shattering smile. He shakes out of Jisung’s hold, putting his hands on both of the younger’s shoulders and shoving him towards the door. “Leave me to get ready, then! No peeking!” He slams the door in Jisung’s face.

Jisung stands in place, brain scrambled from the back and forth. 

“Baby, we can’t be late!” he calls through the door. “Seungmin will have my head! We need to be on our way at 8:15!” 

Minho doesn’t answer.

Friday - 7:18 pm - Jisung’s Apartment

Minho is shoving his head into Jisung’s pillow to muffle his frustrated scream. 

What is wrong with this man? How did he manage to find the most tolerant man on earth . He never meant for this experiment to go on this long. He laughs to himself, sadly. 

The most dangerous part of it all is that each day he spends with Jisung, his heart grows a little weaker. 

He thought he would find a man who would run away after his first few tricks, but Jisung has stuck around, and he’s been just as sweet as in the beginning. It’s not good for his heart. The other night he dreamt about holding Jisung’s hand for god's sake. Holding hands ? Is he five !? It’s humiliating. 

He gets up, stuffing all his makeup back into his bag and heading for the bathroom. Might as well make himself look good.

Minho takes his time, aiming to be ready just slightly after the time limit Jisung has set for him. He doubts being five minutes late will be the thing to push Jisung over the edge, but it’s worth a shot. 

He walks back into the living room at 8:20. He looks sexy. He’s done his makeup in a way that makes his eyes stand out and his lips look extra kissable, and he’s wearing his most sinful sheer shirt, open halfway down his chest, tucked into the jeans Felix and Hyunjin tell him make him look ‘extra fuckable.’ Jisung is used to seeing him in fuzzy sweaters and pastel hues, so this may be a shock to the man’s system. 

Jisung is focused on his phone when Minho comes out, looking up at the sound of the door as he says, “Ah, babe, we gotta go we’re gonna be–” He stops in his tracks when he sees Minho, eyes roving over his body. “You look…” 

Minho smirks, pleased with himself. He ignores the stir of longing in his gut set off by the way Jisung licks his lips while he looks him up and down. “I look?” he prods. 

“Beautiful,” Jisung breathes. He steps into Minho and drags them together by his waist. Minho has to swallow down the butterflies threatening to climb up his throat. Shit. 

“How did I get so lucky?” Jisung asks, sounding genuinely in awe. There go those bugs again, fluttering around in Minho’s stomach. Shit . 

Minho tries to divert attention, feeling like he might suffocate if Jisung keeps complimenting him. “Oh stop it, Sungie!” he tuts, shoving the man away playfully. He needs distance between them. 

Thankfully, Jisung falls back easily, grabbing hold of Minho’s hand instead, a compromise. “I’m serious, jagi, everyone’s going to know that you’re way out of my league. What if someone steals you from me?” 

Perfect. He knew Jisung had to have a jealous streak in him. Minho can read Jisung like a book, the man is hiding his insecurities under a confident exterior. He has no reason to be, to be honest, Minho hasn’t even looked at anyone else since he met Jisung. The man is beautiful. 

Whatever, that’s lame. Minho is about to take him for a ride. 

He purposefully doesn’t respond to Jisung’s comment, not giving him the satisfaction of reassurance. “Lets goooo, I want Seungmin to like me!” he whines instead. 

Jisung smiles back, pulling him into a kiss and then out the door. 

In reality, Minho doesn’t think anyone else would ever catch his eye, not for real, not when Jisung is in the room. He’s starting to feel like he’ll never find anyone else that could possibly live up to the way Jisung kisses him. Like he’s worth so much care and affection. 

Shit . 

***

Studio is one of the more popular gay clubs in the city’s queer district, Minho has never been, but he knows Felix and Hyunjin frequent the place. Maybe if he went with them one of the multiple times they asked, he would have met Jisung sooner. Fucked him and dropped him. Never to be seen again. 

Oh well. 

Jisung presses close to him the entire way there. On the train he’s nearly in Minho’s lap, and on the sidewalk he’s slinging a lazy arm around Minho’s waist, hand getting dangerously close to grabbing his ass. 

It feels nice to be wanted. It feels nice to be wanted by Jisung . He reminds himself to box it up. 

When they make it through the bouncer and into the club, Jisung drags him towards their usual table. His friends are already sitting in a large booth, laughing. 

Minho is on his best behavior, he wants to draw some attention from Jisung’s friends, maybe they can help him fulfill his jealousy needs. Chan may be a good target, but Seungmin is also a viable option. Changbin is strictly off limits, for obvious reasons. 

He slips into the booth ahead of Jisung, cuddling into his boyfriend’s side when the younger drapes an arm across his back. 

“Hey! Glad you guys could make it!” Chan smiles cheerfully– the man must be taking happy pills, he’s always over the moon. 

“Thanks for having me on such short notice,” Minho smiles back, as sweetly as he can. “I just couldn’t stay away from him after missing him all day long.” He plants a nasty wet kiss on Jisung’s cheek. 

“Shit, do you want to pull a parent trap and switch places with me? I have to be around him all day, he’s like a parasite,” Seungmin jokes, shivering for extra effect. 

Jisung sticks his tongue out at Seungmin, causing him to grin even wider. 

“I’m glad to finally get to know you better, Minho, Felix talks about you so much,” Changbin says, ignoring the others and sipping from his drink. 

Minho has heard a lot about him, too. He seems great, really good for Felix. “Where is Lixie?” he asks, though he already knows the answer. 

“He said he’s out to drinks with Hyunjin and Jeongin, but they’ll swing by after they’re done.” 

Perfect, that’s what he really wanted to know. If Seungmin and Chan fail to fulfill their jealousy inducing roles, Jeongin is the perfect backup. He’s young, tall, handsome, and has a killer body. Also, he and Minho look sexy together, no one can deny that. 

“Jagi,” Jisung says, poking at his side. “I’m going to get a round, you want anything?” 

“Whiskey sour.” Minho smiles up at him, accepting the kiss Jisung leans in to give him. 

Down down down butterflies.  

“I’ll come too, I need a refill,” Chan adds. “And before you ask, Seungmin, no I won’t get you one, so just get your ass up now.”

“Ugh, I hate you, dad,” Seungmin whines, standing up and following after them anyway. 

Minho’s lips curl up at the interaction. He likes Jisung’s friends. 

It’s just him and Changbin left in the booth. Changbin is a bit to his left, with a seat or two of space between them. When the others are out of sight, Minho jumps down Changbin’s throat, filling his role as concerned parent. “So, what are your intentions with my baby Lixie?” 

Changbin laughs, his whole face lighting up in amusement. “I could ask you the same thing about Jisung!” 

Minho wags a finger in front of his face. “Ah, but I asked first!” 

Changbin takes a large gulp of his drink, leaning back when he puts it down, letting out a breath. “Lix is… he’s great. I really, really like him.” Changbin smiles to himself. It’s sickeningly sweet. “I’ve never felt so strongly about someone so fast… and I don’t want to freak you out or anything, like, obviously we’re taking things at a reasonable pace, but, he just makes me feel sure of it. Of us.” Changbin meets his eyes when he finishes talking, Minho can practically see the hearts shooting out of his head. Ugh. He’s getting a toothache. 

“He really is great, isn’t he?” Now it’s Minho’s turn to smile at the thought of his friend. “Albeit, a bit high maintenance. Has he shown you his shoe collection yet?” 

Changbin barks out a loud laugh. “He has. The bags are almost more impressive. But, again, a small price to pay for the chance to love him–” Changbin’s eyes grow comically wide. “Shit, I mean. Sorry. Please don’t tell him I said that, we haven’t–” 

Minho saves him from his misery as he stutters through his lovesick explanation, “You’re fine, Changbin, my lips are sealed.” He reaches over and pats the other man’s shoulder. 

Changbin lets out a loud breath, “Thank you.” He must have been actually concerned. Sweet. 

“But oooooohhhh you looooooooove himmmmm,” Minho coos, slide whistling his tone on each word and leaning over to poke Changbin in the arms. 

“Aish! Stop it,” Changbin halfheartedly complains, batting his hands away. “I get enough of that shit from Jisung! You really are perfect for him.” 

Ah, Jisung. Minho forgot that Changbin thinks he and Jisung are actually going to be long term. “Speaking of,” he says, shy under the weight of Changbin’s importance in the larger picture. “I just want you to know that whatever happens with me and Sung, I won’t let it get between you and Lix. I’d never do that to him.” 

“Thank you, Minho,” Changbin nods. “Though, just seeing the way Sungie looks at you… I don’t know if that will be a problem.” He nods towards the bar, where Jisung is visible through a gap in the crowd. He’s already staring at Minho, a small smile playing at his lips, but when Minho makes eye contact his face opens into his wonderful heart-shaped grin. 

Minho smiles back, it’s hard not to when Jisung looks at him like that. “Yeah…” he sighs. “I just seem to have a way with fucking things up. Not knowing what’s good for me.” 

Why is he being vulnerable with this practical stranger? Ew. That was more honest than he’s been with anyone in years, including himself. 

Changbin nods like he’s got it all figured out. “Just don’t hurt him.” 

“I would never want that,” Minho says. He’s hit by the harsh reality of just how true his words are. He needs a drink. 

Jisung and Chan come crashing back into their bubble, throwing drinks down on the table, they seem to have lost Seungmin in battle. 

“Where’s Minnie?” Changbin asks. 

“Bathroom- I think he downed like three vodka crans as soon as we got to the bar. I don’t know what’s up with him lately.” Chan says, slightly disgruntled. 

Jisung slides Minho’s drink into his hands, kissing him on the forehead. “For you.” 

“Thanks, jagi,” Minho beams. He picks up the drink and swallows it in three large gulps. The other men stare at him, aghast. “Now who wants to dance!?” 

“Nah, I’m gonna wait for Lix to show up, finish my drink,” Changbin says. 

“Sorry baby, I’m not much of a dancer until I get a few in me,” Jisung sighs. 

This could work well for him. 

“Okay! What about you, Channie?” Minho flutters his lashes prettily over at Chan.

Chan’s eyes twinkle, one dimple poking out. “I could be persuaded.” 

Minho takes that as a yes, climbing over Jisung’s lap to get out of the booth, making sure to really wiggle his ass around on top of Jisung’s crotch. He hears Jisung make a strangled groan. Oops. 

“Great! Let’s go!” He grabs Chan by the hand, leading him across the room. 

The dance floor is packed, so they linger on the edge. He needs to make sure Jisung can see him if he’s going to be dancing up on his friends. Chan is keeping a painfully respectful distance, though, not giving into his masculine wiles. 

“Are you gay?” Minho shouts over the music, he’s starting to think not. 

Chan laughs, shaking his head, “No, I just always get dragged along.” 

Aha, so that’s why Chan is moving to this Charli XCX song like he’s never heard it before. Shucks. One player, eliminated from his little game. 

They dance for one more song, Minho letting himself have fun now that he knows he’s not going to be grinding on Chan, when he sees his friends on the other edge of the room. Felix and Jeongin are hunched over a bit, close to Hyunjin’s face, obscuring the man from view. 

“Channie, those are my friends, I’ll be right back!” he shouts, waiting for Chan’s nod before pulling away to trot over to the boys. 

“My babies! You made it!” he trills on approach. Hyunjin looks up at the noise, a frantic look in his eyes. Minho’s brow creases in concern. “Jinnie, what’s wrong?” 

“I just saw him !” Hyunjin hisses. 

“Him being the guy he’s been crying over for three weeks,” Felix helpfully adds. 

Hyunjin lets out a choked sound of panic. 

“Jinnie, I’m sure it wasn’t him, there’s so many people in this city,” Jeongin assures, rubbing a hand up and down Hyunjin’s back. 

“No! It was him, I’d know him anywhere!” Hyunjin says shrilly. “I think I need to go home… I’m kind of tired anyway.” His shoulders droop sadly. 

A worried look crosses Felix’s face. “Jin, are you sure?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not even drunk, I just want to lay down.” He looks impossibly sad. 

“Do you need one of us to come with you?” Minho asks. Fuck the plan, if Hyunjin wants him there, he’ll be there. 

“No, no, really. Like, I’m so serious. I know you guys will try to follow me but please, I just need some alone time,” Hyunjin promises. 

“Hey guys, is everything alright?” Chan joins their little circle, he must have been watching them from where Minho abandoned him.

“Oh, Chan, these are my friends, Felix, Hyunjin and Jeongin!” 

Hyunjin sucks up his sadness when he sees Chan, clearly ready to show his best for the pretty boy. “Hi,” Hyunjin simpers, blinking his eyes a bit too much to be innocent. 

Felix rolls his eyes, smiling widely. “Binnie has told me so much about you! You’re just as cute in person!” Felix gushes. The comment brings out Chan’s dimples.

“You’re hot,” Jeongin says, just staring. 

“Hey, thanks, man! You’re good looking too!” Chan laughs. 

“Ok, sorry to break up this love fest, but I’m going to go…” Hyunjin comments, giving a pitiful salute. 

“Jin, wait, let one of us get you a cab,” Minho pleads, grabbing ahold of his arm. 

“I’m actually headed out to give my sister a call back, I can go with you if you want?” Chan chimes in, holding up his phone to prove his point. 

Hyunjin sighs, thinking for a minute before holding out his arm like he’s a prince for Chan to grab. He even does a sad little royal wave as Chan escorts him to his carriage. 

Minho shakes his head, laughing at the display. He loves that fucking idiot. “Okay, remaining babies, what’s the movie?” 

“I’m going to go talk to Binnie, see if I can get him dancing,” Felix says, eyes sparking. 

Minho swivels to Jeongin, giving him his most convincing come hither stare. “Jeongie, wanna do a little sexy dancing with your favorite elderly person?” 

Jeongin’s toothy grin is in full effect. “Alright, take me for a ride, grandpa.” 

Minho cheers. 

He points Felix in the direction of the others and parks Jeongin in a spot fully visible from the table, wrapping his arms around Jeongin’s neck and leaning in close as they start to gently bounce to the music. 

“Innie, I hate to pull you into this, my innocent babydoll, but step seven is trying to make Jisung jealous.” When he pulls back from Jeongin’s ear, the man looks downright mischievous. 

“Is anyone going to believe that?” he snickers. 

“Of course!” Minho scoffs. “You’re sexy and young and like… way taller than him. Also, I’m pretty sure Hyunjin believed us when he walked in and you had your co-”

Jeongin clamps a hand over his mouth. “Right! Ok, I get it! No need to bring that up!” 

“You’re hot, we’re hot, just shut up and grind on me.” 

“Aye aye, captain!” Jeongin laughs, helping Minho maneuver around so his back is to the younger’s front, Minho’s hands still tangled behind Jeongin’s head. 

He lets himself get lost in the beat, Jeongin breathing hotly down his neck, his big hands splayed across Minho’s stomach. 

He’s going for filthy, he wants Jisung to really feel the burn. 

Friday - 10:49 pm - Studio

Felix stares lovingly up at Changbin, like he wants to eat him whole. It’s fucking disgusting. 

Jisung has been sitting with them, getting acquainted. Felix is nice. He can tell why Minho and Changbin like him so much, he’s adorable. He looks at Changbin like he’s hung the stars in the sky just for him, hanging off him like a koala. 

He’s happy for Changbin, he deserves love. 

Seungmin decides to return from the dead, looking a bit lost. “Oh, hey guys, you must be Felix,” he says. 

“Hi!” Felix greets, eyes folding up with the strength of his smile.

Seungmin plops into the booth, sighing. “The line was long as hell, and then I thought I saw someone I knew, so I got out of line, but then I couldn’t find them, and by the time I got back, the line was even longer ,” he babbles with a slight slur to his words. Those vodka crans must have been strong. Drunk Seungmin is a talker. 

Changbin furrows his brow like he wants to ask something, but Chan interrupts the moment. 

“Hey, I’m back! Felix, your friend is on his way home, no worries, and Hannah says hi to my children,” Chan updates. 

“Thank you so much, Channie,” Felix praises. He literally just met Chan, but the nickname doesn’t sound unnatural coming from him. 

Seungmin suddenly starts choking on his drink, sputtering out coughs as he throws a point across the room. “Hey, Ji, your boyfriend is getting a little bit dirty over there…” 

Jisung whips his head around, eyes landing on Minho. Minho being held. Minho being held by another man. Minho being held by another man with his ass pressed into the other man. Jisung’s jaw tenses. 

“Damnnnn, I’ve never seen Innie so into it, he’s usually such a cute little munchkin,” Changbin chortles, like the sight of Jisung’s boyfriend being felt up is the funniest thing in the world. 

Jisung clenches his fist under the table, nails biting into his palm. “Are they usually this close?” he grits, directing his question at Felix. 

Felix tilts his head a bit, like he’s confused at why Jisung is even asking. “Mmmm, we’re all pretty close. We’ve all hooked up with one another at some point, nothing to worry about, though. Aren’t all friend groups like that?” 

Jisung grinds his teeth together.

Seungmin chokes out a laugh. “I’d rather die than touch either of these idiots sexually!” he proclaims, finger swinging between Jisung and Changbin. 

“Hey!” Changbin exclaims. “What did I ever do to you?” 

“Don’t take it personally, Bin, his type is tall pretty boys, you’re kind of… short and large.” Chan smiles like he’s just complimented Changbin instead of vaguely insulting him. 

Felix pouts, squeezing appreciatively at Changbin’s biceps. “Aw, Binnie, I like you short and large!” He reaches up and kisses his boyfriend on the cheek. Changbin’s face turns pink. “What about Channie, Seungmin, have you ever hooked up with him?” Felix looks genuinely curious. 

Chan snorts out a laugh. 

“No, not for lack of trying… Channie baby, you know where to find me…” Seungmin slurs, leaning over to try and kiss Chan on the mouth. Fucking weirdos. 

Jisung drowns out their chatter, eyes locked onto Minho and the way he’s being manhandled by someone else. Fuck. Why does he feel this way? He’s usually not the jealous type, but Minho is fucking with his head. 

His biggest insecurity has always been not being enough . Ever since his last girlfriend cheated on him, he’s avoided relationships specifically for that reason. He never wants to let anyone close enough to be able to make him feel like he isn’t enough. Not again. 

Oops. Too late for that. 

He wants Minho. He wants him so desperately it burns him up inside. The low buzz of alcohol in his system turns off his ability to see reason. He needs to touch Minho. Now. 

“I’m going to dance,” he spits, downing the rest of his drink and standing up. 

Jisung pretends he doesn’t hear his friends laughing at him, storming across the room, eyes locked to his target. 

When he approaches the pair, Minho has his eyes closed, leaning back into Jeongin’s chest. Jisung puts a hand out and flattens it against Minho’s sternum. Minho flutters his pretty eyes open, biting his lip when he sees who it is. Jeongin just blinks, staring him down. 

“Can I cut in?” He tries to keep his tone neutral, but the burn seeps into it anyway. 

“I think that’s up to Minho,” Jeongin bites, stupid smirk on his face. Despite his words, he releases Minho, the older man stumbling a bit into Jisung’s arms. 

Minho peeks up at him, still chewing on his lip. “Oh Sungie, can’t we finish this song? It’s our favorite!” 

Jisung doesn’t respond, now that Minho is solid under his hands he can’t think straight, leaning forward to capture him in a searing kiss. He thinks he hears Jeongin laugh, but that’s hardly important with the way Minho is filthily licking into his mouth, matching Jisung’s fervor perfectly. 

They break apart, breathing heavily. A string of spit connects their mouths for a second, until Minho licks it away with his tongue. Fuck, he’s so hot. 

“Does someone have a jealousy problem?” Minho purrs slyly, dragging his hands down Jisung’s back until they rest over the curve of his ass. 

“I have a you problem, baby, you make me feel things,” Jisung practically growls, moving in to bite at Minho’s lip, dragging it towards him until it slides from his teeth. Minho lets out a little whine. 

“Oh Sungie, don’t be so dirty in public,” Minho chides. 

Jisung scoffs. “Weren't you the one simulating sex with what’s his name ,” (he knows his name). “In this very spot ten minutes ago?” 

Minho giggles. “Sung, you don’t need to worry, Innie is just a friend.” 

“Felix told me you two have history.” He tries to level his breathing. Crazy and jealous is not a good look. 

“History is kind of a big word… don’t all friends hook up every once in a while?” Minho muses, playing with the hair at the back of Jisung’s neck. 

“Why do you guys keep– No! Mine don’t!” Jisung bursts. 

“Well I only want you, baby.” Minho doesn’t give him time to think before he’s attached to his mouth again. 

Their lips slide together, wet and hot. Minho is so unbelievably sexy. Shit. If they don’t move this out of here he’s going to have a problem. 

“Min,” he manages between kisses. “Do you want to get out of here?” 

Minho kisses him once more, long and languid, before nodding, spinning to drag him off the floor. 

Jisung steals another kiss. “Go grab us a cab, I’ll go tell Chan we’re leaving and meet you in front.” Another kiss. 

They kiss a total of seven more times before they manage to part. 

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 8 - Be Incompatible in Bed

There’s no denying that being incompatible in bed can really mess with a relationship. Maybe one person has a much higher libido than the other, maybe someone is into more extreme kinks. There are plenty of things that could be… less than desirable about matching up in the bedroom. Of course, I believe the key to any relationship is being open and honest, and prioritizing communication, with that, a lot of these things can be worked out. But, I’m not in a normal relationship. I am in the last stages; pulling out the big guns, if you will, because this guy will not get lost. I’m going to extremes, I’m going to be a nightmare in bed. 

What’s really tragic about it all is that if J makes love the same way he kisses me… I don’t think we'd really have any problems in bed. Quite the opposite, actually. Why do I keep getting hung up on these things? J really is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever been with (not that the bar is high).

Please always remember to keep things safe and consensual when getting it on! 

If you need more tips on how to have great sex, check out my past columns: How To Do the Grapefruit Method, and , How To Master Fingering! 

Saturday - 12:39 am - Jisung’s Apartment

As soon as the door closes behind them, Jisung has Minho against it, a thigh pressed sinfully between his legs. 

Minho involuntarily moans at the sensation. Jisung has him so worked up. 

The entire ride home, the younger’s hand was creeping up his inner thigh, squeezing him deliciously tight. His yearning for Jisung is hot and heavy, pooling in his gut. He needs to get his head in the game. He will not be sleeping with Jisung tonight. 

Jisung smirks at the noise he elicits, recapturing his lips. Minho steers them on a path to the bedroom, shoving Jisung onto the mattress when they’re safely inside (and Dori is safely outside ). 

Jisung looks up at him, pupils blown out. Minho wants nothing more than to lay down and let Jisung have his way with him. But he can’t. 

Fuck. 

He can’t believe what he’s about to do. 

Minho drops down, walking two fingers up Jisung’s leg towards his crotch. “Does Princess Peter want to come out to play?” he trills in the most annoying voice he can muster. 

Jisung looks absolutely dazed. “Wha– Who?” 

Minho giggles, spinning his finger to point at Jisung’s dick, giggling some more as he moves to play with Jisung’s zipper. 

Jisung sits up, sputtering, “Woah, if you’re going to name my… member , can’t you name it something more masculine? Like… Peter the warrior king?” 

“The warrior king?” Minho bites his lip, raising one eyebrow suggestively at Jisung.

Jisung’s cheeks burn bright red. “I– don’t know. It’s stupid, it was on the fly, I didn’t know we were going to be calling it names.” 

Minho pokes at Jisung’s blushing cheeks playfully. “So does Peter the warrior king want to come out to play!?” 

Jisung groans, rubbing his hands over his face. “I think, due to… surprise at the current state of affairs… the king has abdicated his throne,” Jisung mumbles, voice muffled from behind his palms. 

Minho’s eyebrows shoot up. Damn, who knew he was that good at killing a boner. “Uh oh!” he shouts like an idiot. 

“Yeah.”

Minho quickly stands up, brushing his pants off. “Well in that case, I better get going. I have brunch with the boys tomorrow!” He grins, tilting his head as he smiles down at Jisung. The man might be in shock, he’s just looking at him, slack jawed. 

“I? Okay?” Jisung squeaks, scrambling up to follow Minho out of the bedroom. 

Minho picks up Dori, giving him a few pats before setting him down on the couch. 

“Bye bye, jagi,” he chirps, giving Jisung one last passionate kiss before making his escape. Jisung looks shell shocked. He probably has no idea what the hell is going on. 

Minho waits until he’s safely inside the elevator before letting everything out. He groans, slamming his head against the wall. He should get an award for self control. Sticking to his project when he’s never wanted someone as badly as he’s wants Jisung. 

Jisung’s words from the club ring in his head. ‘ I have a you problem .’ 

It feels painfully accurate to how he’s feeling about Jisung, too. 

Later, he tells himself it’s just lust when he jerks himself off, wrapped in the darkness of his bedroom, thinking about the way Jisung’s hands feel against his skin.

He knows it’s a lie.

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 9 - Ruin Boys Night

I’ve tried it all. At this point, I’m starting to think J is the one with issues, not me. I've pulled out my greatest stops- I've acted in ways that would get anyone dumped, even me! I’m giving it one more good chance - the month is almost over. My deadline is the Sunday after next; I have one more weekend to ruin this relationship. It’s boys night, baby, and I’m not invited, but I’ll sure as hell be there. 

One last hurrah, if he still holds on… I don’t know, maybe it’s fate. Hah! If only I believed in that stuff. 

Saturday - 10:03 am - Felix’s Apartment

“And after all that he still didn’t leave you?” 

They’re having brunch at Felix’s kitchen table, just as they do every other Saturday, chomping on pancakes and sipping mimosas. He’s updating them about his non-sexy escapades from last night (well, this morning, rather). 

“No! I’m telling you, this calls for drastic measures. Please, focus!” Minho claps. 

“You’re being clingy?” Felix asks.

Minho ticks off his fingers as he lists off his greatest hits,  “Clingy… Needy… Whiny…”

“Baby talk?” Jeongin chimes in. 

Minho taps his chin. “I could probably kick that up a notch…” 

“I always used to obsess over Seung’s old boyfriends, that might work?” Hyunjin suggests. 

Jeongin winces at the tidbit of information Hyunjin so casually threw out. “You could talk about your own old boyfriends?” he offers the much saner suggestion with his eyes drilling holes into Hyunjin’s head. 

Minho sighs, properly defeated. “It’s good, it’s good, it’s all good, but none of it is good enough to break this guy! This is nuclear!”

Felix snorts into his mimosa, the blow sending tiny droplets spraying. 

“It’s not funny, Lixie! I need an idea before Monday!” he whines, propping his head into his hand dramatically. 

“Why not tomorrow?” Jeongin questions, now throwing blueberries at Hyunjin’s head. Hyunjin just takes it, acting like nothing is amiss. 

“Tomorrow is poker night… boys night… It's very exclusive. They do it every week.” Minho draws patterns in his syrup with his fork. 

Felix perks up, pointing at Minho with his spoon. “Every week before he met you.”

Minho squints at him, mouth curving up a bit. “What are you trying to say?” 

“I think you know what I’m trying to say.” 

The one reassurance in the whole deal is knowing that no matter what, Jisung will never want him. Not after he knows the truth. Minho has put him through too much to rebound from that thick of a lie. Jisung could never forgive him for what he’s done, so he might as well have his fun while it lasts. 

Sunday - 7:09 pm - Jisung’s Apartment

“I see your two and raise you fifty,” Jisung smirks, pushing his chips to the center of the table. 

It’s poker night. The best night of the week. Chan brings over his expensive cigars, they puff on them like they’re more sophisticated than they are, they order pizza, they bet themselves into oblivion. It’s fantastic. 

“So, is he in love with you yet?” Seungmin asks, chatting over the game, as they normally do. 

“Psshh, are you kidding? He’s planning the fucking wedding!” Jisung laughs, taking another puff on his cigar, obnoxiously blowing smoke into Seungmin’s face. The game is going well for him today, he’s on top of the world. 

Changbin lays down his hand after Chan calls. “Read 'em’ and weep, boys.”

Chan curses, losing his bet spectacularly. Ah. Classic. Jisung is pretty sure Chan and Changbin have been passing back and forth the same 50 dollar bill since they started this thing. It’s highly amusing. 

Jisung nearly leaps out of his chair at the sound of his door opening. What the fuck? Did Changbin forget to lock it again?

“Sungiekins! I’m hooooome!” 

Minho? 

Three heads swing to look at him, eyes open wide. As if he knows what’s going on, which he doesn’t, by the way. 

“He has a key?” Chan asks. 

“I didn’t give him one?” Jisung hisses, very presently aware of the scary man ten feet away in the foyer. 

“Is that legal?” Seungmin squeaks.

Minho prances into the living area with a big smile on his face, he’s holding a picnic basket. What is with this man and his multiple types of carrying-implements? He comes over and gives Jisung a quick kiss, patting the top of his head for extra measure. 

“Baby, I wasn’t expecting you. How’d you get a key?” Jisung gawks, focusing on making sure his eyes don’t pop out of his head. 

“Oh, one of your office assistants, Jungeun, she made me a copy,” Minho says casually. He’s so supremely unbothered by his own actions, it’s truly alarming.

“Jungeun, huh?” Jisung is fuming, he’s going to have to have a word. 

“Oh JiJi, you’re not mad are you?” Minho fixes him with puppy-dog eyes. Argh. Jisung is such a weak, weak, pathetic gay.

Jisung sucks in a breath. Calm. Love. Hyuna Album deal. 

“No, I’m not mad,” he assures softly. (He is mad.)

“Oh yay!” Minho claps, scooping up Dori from where the cat has come to wrap around his ankles. That cat is such a traitor. 

“Well, you know everyone, so…” Jisung motions to the table. 

“Sup, Min?” Changbin grins. The other two wave as well. 

“Oh hi, boys! I didn’t mean to interrupt your little games… I brought yummy snacks!” 

“Oh, no worries!” Chan says, clearly worried. 

“Brb!” Minho twits, scurrying off to the kitchen. He just said text lingo out loud .

Jisung shakes his head, trying to focus back on the game. The hazy fog from the lingering cigar smoke probably isn’t helping him clear his mind. “Alright, next round is hold ‘em—ante a dollar please.” 

They start getting into the next hand, Jisung tries his hardest not to focus on the amount of noise Minho is making in the kitchen.

Soon enough, though, Minho returns, holding a plate of some kind of sandwiches, they look a bit green. “Oh, Seungmin!” he croons, grabbing the piece of pizza Seungmin is eating right out of his mouth and stuffing a sandwich in instead. “Yucky pizza! Yummy cucumber sandwiches!” he tuts. Holy hell. Seungmin is going to kill someone. 

Seungmin’s eyes are wider than Jisung has ever seen them before. Changbin has to clap a hand over his mouth to stop from laughing out loud.

Minho keeps moving, placing sandwiches in front of all of them. Chan says a polite thank you, god damn his pristine manners. When he finishes doling them out, he sets the plate on one of the small empty spaces on the table (very much in the way) and stands with his hands behind his back, staring Jisung down, eyes narrowed. 

“What?” Jisung snips. His patience is wearing thin. 

Minho begins maniacally waving his hand in front of his nose, coughing loudly, and pointing obnoxiously at his cigar. 

Jisung holds it up cluelessly, raising his eyebrows. “This?”

Minho nods adamantly, gesturing like he’s scuffing out a cigar. Jisung groans, clenching his teeth but doing as Minho asks. He glares at his friends, signaling them to do the same. Chan might start crying, he loves these cigars. 

Happy with his success, Minho skips back into the kitchen, smiling. 

Three pairs of angry eyes bore into his head. He refuses to make eye contact with any of them. Horrified at the situation. He doesn’t feel like facing the wrath of his friends, too. 

A loud, blood curdling shriek comes from the kitchen, Minho bursting back into the living room only seconds after. He’s holding the god damned fern. The fern he had to lock up in a closet, along with the rest of his plants, because someone decided to adopt him a cat. A cat that could die if he eats the wrong leaf. 

Jisung tries to ignore his howling boyfriend, looking at his friends instead. “Are we playing?” 

“Our love fern! It’s dead!” Minho wails, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. 

“What the hell is a love fern?” Changbin hisses. 

Jisung squeezes his eyes shut, intent on blocking Minho out. “Can we please just try to get through one hand.” 

Minho has collapsed to the floor, holding the plant, his face twisted into anguish. 

“Is he on something?” Seungmin asks. “I told you we should have checked his meds that first time we had the bag…” 

Jisung scoffs out a laugh. “God I hope so.” 

Mistake. Jisung knows it’s a mistake as he says it. But he says it anyway. 

Minho shoots up from the floor, anger fierce on his face. “Are you saying I’m some kind of MENTAL PERSON !?” he screams at Jisung. Ow. His ears. 

Chan holds his hands up, desperate to diffuse some of the tension. “Oh, no, no, he wasn’t!” 

Changbin joins in on the peacemaking, “No, Minho, he didn’t mean that, he’s just a jokester!” 

“That’s it!” Minho shouts, stomping out of sight.

Shit. Jisung pushes himself up, jogging after the deranged man. This is too much.

“Minho! What the hell was that? You’re acting completely unhinged! Do you know that?” Jisung roars, fire burning behind his eyes. Minho is standing at the counter, throwing things into his picnic basket, muscles of his back tensed, Why is his back so broad and strong… Fuck. Quit it, Jisung, not the time to be horny.

Minho spins around, looking at him wildly. “Oh, so I am insane!” 

“No! You’re acting insane,” Jisung corrects, placing a tight fist on the countertop to try to steady himself. 

Dori jumps up onto the surface, blinking at them both. He meows once. 

“Shut up, Dori!” Jisung shouts, frustrated and overwhelmed. 

Minho gasps, “He’s an innocent animal!” 

“He’ll live, Minho, I’m talking to you,” Jisung grits out, scooping Dori up and pushing him out the door gently. 

Minho starts gathering his things into his basket faster. “I don’t think I can be with somebody who doesn’t like animals and thinks I’m a mental person .” 

Jisung feels like his head is about to explode. “Min! This is what I’m talking about! Where’s the cool, fun, sexy, smart Minho that I knew? You’re up and down, here and there, I can’t fucking keep up! You’re a one man circus!” he blurts. He’s so, so confused, and so, so exhausted. 

Minho blinks at him. He doesn’t look angry anymore, just tired. “So I guess this means we’re over?” 

Jisung throws his hands up. He’s sick of it. It’s not worth it anymore. He wants the other Minho back, the one that was making him feel real feelings for the first time in years. “Yeah. I guess so.” 

“Fine.” Minho says, pushing past him, into the apartment. 

“Fine,” he mumbles. 

Minho walks out, quietly and quickly, slamming the door behind him. Jisung’s friends look at him owlishly. 

“It’s over, guys.” Jisung exhales, shrugging. His brain feels like it’s filled with smoke, he feels like he’s going to cry. 

“No! No, no, no, no, no!” Seungmin chants, getting up to shake him by the shoulders.

“Sung, no, no, no!” Chan too. Are they parrots? 

Seungmin shakes him roughly. “One week! One more week!” Of course. They just care about the album.

Jisung laughs weakly. His head is pounding. “Did you guys see that? It was like a reenactment of the exorcist!” His throat is tight.

“I thought it was sexy,” Changbin comments smugly.

Jisung groans, rubbing at his temples. “Stop joking around, I’ve been driven half mad with shit like this.” 

Seungmin sighs dramatically, releasing Jisung to flop down into his chair like a damsel in distress. “Do you guys think DahMo are going to be comfortable in their new office?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Chan huffs. “Best views in the building.” Ugh. Ugh . 

“Guys…” Jisung complains. He doesn’t want to hear about how badly he’s fucked them over. He feels like enough of a fuckwit already, for losing the deal and losing the guy.  

“Don’t worry, Sung, we’ll keep getting all the strange hip-hop kids, they’re fun to work with too!” Changbin piles on.

Seungmin brightens obnoxiously. “Maybe we can get a disgraced former teen pop star, shake it up a bit!” 

The urge to bang his head into the wall is overwhelming. Fuck. He can’t believe Minho is gone. 

“Couples therapy!” Chan yelps, out of nowhere. 

“Of course!” Seungmin says. What the fuck are these idiots saying.

“What?” 

“Every time my aunt and uncle want to get a divorce, he suggests couples therapy. It’ll buy you at least a week with Minho,” Chan explains like Jisung is a child.

“Couples… Therapy…” Jisung repeats, dazed. 

“Yes! Couples therapy!” Chan exudes excitement. They’re all gathering around him, slightly bouncing up and down and prodding at him. He knows what they’re doing, trying to amp him up on adrenaline like they’re about to play a fucking soccer game.

Changbin starts cheering too, “Couples therapy!”

He hates how successful they are at doing it.

Fuck. He has to catch Minho before he leaves. 

Jisung runs for the window, sliding it open and jumping onto the fire escape, clattering down the stairs as fast as he can. This is kind of fun. Minho has him doing all sorts of shit he’s never done before.

He sees Minho walking away, dead fern clutched to his chest sadly.

Jisung pauses, one floor up from the ground. He has to stop Minho now or he’s going to get too far away. “Minho!” he yells, hands cupped around his mouth. 

The figure stops, turning around painfully slowly. Jisung climbs down the sliding ladder, the last bit of his descent to the sidewalk. He jogs to meet up with Minho.

He’s standing still, eyes searching Jisung’s face in anguish. “Haven’t you had enough?!” Minho cries. He sounds absolutely defeated, shoulders slumped. 

“Min, baby. I’m willing to do anything,” Jisung pleads, bringing his hands together like he’s in prayer, falling to his knees for extra effect. Ew. The sidewalk is probably filthy.

Minho screws his eyes shut, sighing, placing a delicate hand over his eyes.

“Anything, Minho.” 

“Jisung…” Minho trails off, clearly unsure of what to do. 

Jisung drops the bomb. “What do you think of couples therapy?” 

“Couples therapy?” Minho looks at him like he’s nuts. He probably is. Minho makes him nuts.

“Yeah! Chan knows this doctor, he says the guy’s a miracle worker!” 

Minho brings his lips together in a firm line. He still looks so pretty, despite it all. “No, I know a therapist that can work wonders on someone like you , Han Jisung. I can call and schedule an emergency appointment.” Minho’s shoulders straighten up, chest puffing out again. Maybe he was upset about losing Jisung, too. 

The words are music to Jisung’s ears. Fuck yes . 

“Baby… whatever it takes.” Jisung can’t help the smile that spreads across his face, cheeks aching with the stretch. 

“Kiss,” Minho says, puckering his lips. 

Jisung obliges, scrambling up from his knees and cradling Minho’s face between his hands. He kisses him gently, like he’s something fragile. “Thank you, jagi,” he murmurs against his lips. 

Minho nods, pulling away and taking a few steps backwards. “I love you, Sungie… but I don’t have to like you right now!” Minho declares, spinning on his heel and stalking off into the night. 

Did Jisung hear that correctly? Love? 

L–O–V–E? 

Minho loves him? 

He bites his lip, pumping his hand into the night air. Minho loves him! 

It takes a minute before he remembers that the fact is exciting because of the record deal, not anything else. That would be ridiculous. 

Wednesday - 5:30 pm - Hyunjin’s Apartment

“You’re really going to have to open up if we want this to work,” Minho coaches Jisung, landing his fist on Hyunjin’s door in a knock. 

He broke up with Jisung. Now he’s back with Jisung. And they’re at Hyunjin’s place. Because Hyunjin is about to pretend to be a therapist to help Minho out. Right. This is great. 

He should have said no. Really. There was no reason for Minho to give into Jisung’s pleas for couple’s therapy, but Jisung just looked so sad . It was painful. He already ached enough from everything he’d done that night. Shit. Some tiny pathetic part of him was also completely gutted at the idea of letting Jisung be the one that got away. He’s fucking stupid, that’s literally the point of the whole assignment. 

It also doesn’t hurt that his article is one step away from being a nice even 10. Hmm. Step 10: Couples Therapy. That doesn’t sound right. 

The door swings open, revealing Hyunjin. He’s wearing a white, flowy robe and overly large cat-eyed glasses. Is this what Hyunjin thinks therapists look like? 

At least Minho knows for sure that Hyunjin never complied with any of his pleas for the younger man to go talk to someone about his overwhelming emotional turmoil. Nice. He really should just make Hyunjin an appointment himself, force him to go. 

“Lee Minho, Han Jisung, please come in…” Hyunjin intones, putting on a false, buttery, deep voice and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. 

Jesus fucking Christ. Minho constantly reiterates what he said about Hyunjin belonging on the stage. 

They follow him inside, his apartment is at least cleaner than usual. He probably shoved most of his belongings into his closet. “Please, sit down.” Hyunjin takes a seat on his armchair, gesturing to his couch. Minho and Jisung sit. 

Jisung is fidgeting nervously. Minho presses a hand into his knee to get him to stop bouncing, earning a small smile of thanks.  

“Now, before we get started… how do you plan to pay for this,” Hyunjin asks, chin turned down, looking up at them from over his glasses. Hwang Hyunjin you slimy little rat. Minho did not tell him to ask for payment, his friend is just a sleaze. 

“Sungie?” Minho nudges his shoulder, giving him an urgent look. This was Jisung’s idea, after all.

“How much is it?” Jisung huffs. 

“Three hundred dollars.” Hyunjin Purses his lips, furrowing his brow a bit. 

Jisung sputters unbelievably, “Three hundred ?!” 

Hyunjin nods slowly, “Mhm…” 

God damn it. Minho is having to actively hold back his laughs the way Hyunjin is acting. He looks over at Jisung, blinks. 

Jisung’s jaw twitches, but he pulls out his wallet and takes the money out, handing it over. “Whatever it takes,” he mumbles. 

Hyunjin tucks the bills away, leaning back and picking up a notepad and pen. “So…” he drawls, speaking slowly. “How long have you two been… committed?”

“Three weeks.” Minho smiles pleasantly. 

“Three weeks…” Hyunjin echoes, forehead wrinkling in thought. “Interesting.”

Jisung shuffles uncomfortably beside him. “Is it like, too soon to be seeing a therapist?” 

Minho scoffs, “Well, Ji, three weeks isn’t a lifetime or anything but…” 

“Yeah it’s like. A month,” Jisung snips. Minho feels bad. Jisung is right. Minho has just made him feel like he’s losing it. He wishes he could kiss it better, soothe him through the confusion, tell him it’s all fake, that Minho would treat him better if this were for real. His throat tightens at the thought. His boxes are crumbling. 

Minho swallows, getting back in character. “Did you hear that tone?” Minho asks Hyunjin, eyes wide. “How can we not have a gulf between us with a tone like that!?”

Hyunjin starts furiously scribbling in his notebook, nodding and frowning. “And how are things between you… sexually?” 

“Oh…” Minho droops. 

“We haven’t had sex,” Jisung says. 

“Oh no!” Hyunjin sounds devastated.

“It’s just that Sungie seems to have a teensy bit of a problem with getting excited about me!” Minho chirps, eyes ahead. It’s not true, of course it’s not. Jisung makes him feel like he’s on fire. He’s never felt desired so deeply, so raw and vulnerably in his life. 

“No! That is not the truth!” Jisung protests. “The only night we even got close to doing anything, he decides he should nickname my— my—“

“Your penis?” Hyunjin supplies, frowning. 

“Yeah! My penis, he named it Princess Peter. Talk about lack of excitement!” Jisung exclaims, hands waving around wildly. 

Minho frowns deeply, really drawing it out. “I thought it was a beautiful name.” 

“Hmmm, I’ve seen this before…” Hyunjin says, still monotone. 

“Yeah?” Jisung asks, leaning forward on his knees. 

“Yes.” Hyunjin mimics his movement. 

“Woah! Would you two like to be left alone?” Minho laughs incredulously, playing up the drama. “Maybe you should get a room! Really, Jisung? Hitting on our shrink ?!” 

Hyunjin backs off, holding his hands up, face the picture of innocence. 

“I am not!” Jisung gawks. 

Minho balls his fists up, scooting as far from Jisung on the sofa as he possibly can. “You’re a pathological flirt, Han Jisung!” 

Jisung turns, looking him directly in the eye. It does something funny to his stomach. He feels embarrassingly aroused when Jisung is intense with him. Shut up , Lee Minho, this is not the time to be horny.

Jisung looks at him with his dark, dark, stare. “Minho, why would I ever need anyone else when you have more than enough personalities to keep me completely occupied?” 

“That was hurtful,” Minho whimpers, wading through his yearning, folding his arms across his chest. 

“Mhm…” Hyunjin nods. “Jisung, are you ashamed of Minho?

“Of course he is!” Minho answers first, throwing a hand out. 

“I’m not ashamed,” Jisung says tightly, face pinched. 

“It’s like when I talked to his mother and he freaked out! He’s ashamed!” Minho pushes further. 

Jisung exhales, absolutely exasperated, “No, Minho, that’s because you did that behind my back.”

“I just wanted to say hi!” Minho is quickly running out of steam. He’s so tired. 

Hyunjin just keeps nodding, scribbling as they bicker. Minho is sure that he’s sketching, not taking notes at all.

“You want to talk to my mother, Min? Okay! Talk to my mother. Hell, you can talk to the whole family! We can go spend the weekend with them!” Jisung blurts. 

Hyunjin perks up, an evil smirk crawling across his face as he looks dead in Minho’s eyes. 

Hwang Hyunjin, don’t you dare. 

“What a positive idea, Jisung!” Hyunjin crows. 

“I-It is?” Jisung stutters. He’s probably regretting saying anything at all.  

Minho tries to kill Hyunjin with his stare to no avail. 

“Yes! How about it, Minho, do you want to go spend the weekend with Jisung’s family?” Hyunjin cocks his head, showing Minho all of his teeth. 

Hwang. Mother fucking. Hyunjin.

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy Fall in Love in ? Weeks - By Lee Minho

Step 9.5: Fall For The Guy

I didn't plan for this to happen. I don’t even really have an explanation for you. In the spaces between the sham, something started growing, just like weeds do in broken concrete. Looking back on it all now, I don’t know if I stood a chance; J felt different that very first night. 

Oops.

Friday - 12:22 pm - Han Family Home

Minho has given up. 

He’s still struggling to parse through the rubble of his stupid fucking box system. Jisung has carved him open, his innermost defenses lying dead on the floor. 

He’s completely gone for Han Jisung, and he’s fucking sick of pretending he’s not. 

It’s not all okay, though. He has to tell Jisung the truth. He’s a coward, he knows he is. His article goes to print Tuesday morning, if he doesn’t tell Jisung the truth by then, he’s going to find out by himself, and that is the worst case scenario. 

For now, he has one weekend. One, glorious, beautiful weekend where he can pretend that he’s Jisung’s for keeps. He’s a coward, he knows he is, but that won’t stop him from enjoying his remaining time. Because at the end of the day, he’s a selfish coward, and he’s entirely aching, down to his bones, for an untainted taste of Jisung’s love. 

Everything is going well, so far. After they got home from Hyunjin’s sham therapy the other night, they talked for a long time, working out some of the wrinkles that had accumulated. Minho apologized, for the way he acted, said that he’s been out of his mind with stress from work, that he sees now where he’s gone wrong (the truth, but not the full truth). Jisung is understanding, because of course he is, and they end up kissing until they fall asleep, tangled together in Jisung’s bed. 

He feels like he’s been stabbed right through his chest when Jisung blinks his eyes open, groggy from sleep the next morning, staring at Minho like he’s something precious, grumbling in his morning voice, “G’morning, baby.” 

Minho melts, then his chest seizes in fear, so he splits the difference and kisses Jisung, right there, morning breath be damned. They kiss until he’s late for work. 

Friday morning is the first time Felix ever sees Minho cry. In the years they’ve been friends, best friends, he’s never let one tear slip. He’s never cried in front of anyone, to be frank, barring those times when he fake cried to Jisung, but he’s having a moment of weakness. He calls Felix, early in the morning, as he’s packing for their weekend trip, sobbing into the phone. 

Felix is there, thirty minutes later, talking him through it all. He helps Minho pick though the biggest pieces of his ruins, settling on the fact that, yes, Minho has fallen for Jisung, and yes, that is okay. He also helps him realize that it’s okay to want this, to want Jisung, but that he also has to be okay with the fact that Jisung might not accept his explanation. Felix reassures him that whatever happens, he will be there to help Minho through it, no matter how big and life-ruining his emotions feel. 

“Why have you been keeping so much bottled up?” Felix asked, carding a hand through Minho’s overgrown hair. 

“I was always taught that it was easier for everyone else if I didn’t let other people deal with my shit,” he murmurs into the smaller man’s chest. 

He opens up to Felix about how his parents never comforted him, always told him to ‘suck it up’, and how his last boyfriend broke up with him because his pretty face wasn’t worth the rest of him, that he was too much to handle. Felix talks him through that, too.

By the time he’s on the ferry, heading across the bay with Jisung, towards his family home, he’s raw and open. Completely vulnerable to the barrage of feelings spreading through him, originating where Jisung’s hands are warm on his skin. He wants to soak up Jisung’s warmth forever, even if the thought is still mildly terrifying. 

Jisung’s parents live in a cute blue house, right on the water. There’s a lot of space inside, plenty of room for a large family, but it’s all smooshed down into a quaint exterior. The walls are filled with photos and knick-knacks, it’s lovely. 

He and Jisung have been attached since the moment they met up, only taking their hands off one another when Minho had to pee on the boat. Minho has the feeling that Jisung wants him in just the same way that he wants Jisung. It’s heavenly. 

They’re only forced to break apart when they enter the Han house, a tiny human coming barreling straight for them. 

“Uncle Sungie!” the girl screeches, running straight into Jisung’s waiting arms. He picks the girl up and spins her around. Her tiny heart-shaped smile mirrors his exactly. 

“Hey, pumpkin,” Jisung coos, pinching the little one’s cheeks, eliciting some giggles. 

Another little girl comes speeding around the corner, wrapping her arms around Jisung’s legs, not saying anything, just holding on tight. 

Minho feels her, he wants to do the same. 

He can’t suppress the unbelievably fond smile that falls onto his face, not that he’s trying to. The sight of Jisung interacting with his nieces is making Minho even more attracted to him, if that’s even humanly possible. 

Jisung turns his smile on Minho. “The little one down there is Hyejoo, and this is Chaewon,” he says, bouncing the girl around in his arms a bit, sending her into another fit of laughter. 

“Hi, girls,” he says, waving his fingers at them shyly. 

Hyejoo just screams, embarrassed at the unfamiliar man greeting her, before she sprints off in a tornado of giggles, Chaewon wiggling out of Jisung’s arms and following hot on her heels. 

They both laugh at the display, Jisung’s hand falling naturally to the small of Minho’s back, leading them into the kitchen. 

A woman stands, back to them, over the sink. 

“Hi, ma,” Jisung grabs her attention, smile evident in his voice. 

Haseul spins around, already grinning. She has bobbed, dark hair and a friendly face, she’s just as pretty as Jisung is. “Hi, my darling.” 

Jisung moves to give her a hug, “How are you, I missed you.” 

Haseul laughs. “I’m always glad to see you, Jisung, especially when you’re right on time for lunch.” 

Jisung grins, extending an arm towards where he’s left Minho, a few paces behind. “And you know who this is!” 

“Hi,” Minho raises his hand in a sheepish wave. He grossly underestimated how embarrassing it would be meeting the woman he called out of the blue a week into their relationship. 

Haseul doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest, though. “Minho!” She pulls him into a tight hug. “I’m so happy to have you with us in person, you’re even more handsome than you sound on the telephone!” she gushes, eyes twinkling. 

“Ah, Ma, don’t go stealing my boyfriend from me,” Jisung jokes, looking at them with care. 

“Aish, Jisungie,” Haseul pulls a dish towel off the counter to smack him with it lightly. “Go get your sister and tell her the food’s on.” 

Minho cocks his head at Jisung. “You have a sister?” he asks, surprised. 

“In law,” Jisung laughs. “She’s been around since we were kids, though, so it’s basically the same thing.” He leans over to knock a kiss on Minho’s cheek before heading off into the house. 

“Minho, you can follow me, meet the rest of the circus,” Haseul says, gathering plates to bus them outside. 

Minho is a bit overwhelmed, but not in a bad way, he’s comforted by the amount of love that is so evident in every movement amidst the chaos. 

The door opens to a large patio, overlooking the water. Two men are already sitting at the outdoor table, chatting idly. Haseul gestures for him to take a seat on the empty side, where there's space for him and Jisung to sit side by side. 

“Everyone, this is Minho,” Haseul says with a flourish of her arm. “Minho, this is Jisung’s dad, Jin.” She puts a hand on the older man, he’s strikingly handsome, just like the rest of the family, smile lines etched deep around his eyes. 

“Welcome to our humble abode!” Jin chuckles, his laugh is loud and squeaky. 

“Thank you, it’s absolutely beautiful.” Minho tries not to look awkward as he settles into his chair. 

“And this is his brother, Hoseok,” Haseul continues, patting the other man on the back. 

“You can call me Hobi,” he says, flashing him a big smile (also in the signature heart-shape Minho has come to love so much). “Do you know you’re out of my brother’s league?” 

Haseul gasps, smacking her son on the back of the head with a stiff palm as he cackles. “Oh, stop that, Hoseok!” 

Chaewon and Hyejoo tumble onto the patio, seconds too late to see their father get whacked. 

“I believe you’ve met Chae and Hye.” Haseul’s face easily relaxes at the sight of her granddaughters, her smile returning. “Girls! Come sit down and meet Uncle Jisung’s boyfriend!” she calls. 

The girls giggle and shriek their way to the table, sitting in the kiddy chairs set up specially for them. They both blink up at Minho owlishly, like they don’t know what to say. 

“Hi, Uncle Jisung’s boyfriend,” Hyejoo bravely whispers. 

At the sound of her sister’s voice, Chaewon also gathers the courage to speak. “Are you an uncle, too?” She looks at him like she’s trying to figure something out. 

Minho shakes his head, “No, I’m an only child, so no nieces for me.” 

Hyejoo looks highly suspicious of his answer, her little forehead scrunched up. 

Chaewon is nonplussed by his negative response. “You can be our uncle if you want!” she chirps happily. 

Her comment startles a laugh out of Minho, “Maybe you should ask Uncle Jisung about that one, first.” He finds himself grinning stupidly. He hasn’t had much opportunity to interact with kids, but it’s fun, the girls are cute. 

Hyejoo squints her eyes, staring him down. “Are you and Uncle Sungie going to get married?” 

Minho doesn’t even get a chance to breathe before Jisung’s loud voice cuts in for him. “That’s enough of that, Hyejoo!” He rushes over, tickling her sides until she drops the angry look on her face in favor of laughter. 

A pretty woman around their age with beautifully dyed pink hair pops out from behind Jisung. “Hi! You must be Minho, I’m Vivi,” she greets, full cheeks meeting her eyes when she smiles. 

“Hi, nice to meet you.” He waves. “The girls are adorable.” 

“Ahh, thank you, we love them,” she pinches Chaewon’s cheek on her way to sit next to her husband. 

Hyejoo speaks up next, her quiet little voice lifting over the movement, “My favorite Shinee member is named Minho.”

Minho breaks into a giant grin. “No way, he’s my favorite too!”

Lunch goes by easily, everyone chatting and laughing together. It’s extremely comfortable, especially with Jisung’s hand resting lazily on top of his knee. He keeps catching Jisung sending him glances. Every time their eyes catch, the younger breaks into a grin. It’s sickeningly domestic. Minho loves every second of it. 

Eventually it’s time to clean up, Jisung rises, picking up plates. “Alright, I’ve got dishes, don’t worry. Baby, do you need anything?” he directs the question to Minho.

“Nope, I’m good, Sung.” Minho hums in contentment when Jisung presses a kiss to his forehead. He lets his eyes follow after Jisung as he goes, sighing. 

“You know, Minho,” Haseul muses, smile playing on her lips. “I’ve never seen anyone match Jisung’s wit so well. You’re even quicker than him on the comebacks.” 

Minho laughs, “All his other partners weren’t as much for the jokes, huh?” 

Haseul clucks her tongue. “What other partners? You’re the first person he’s ever brought home. Don’t you go breaking his heart now!” she teases. 

Minho feels like he’s only really in danger of breaking his own. 

Friday - 9:08 pm - Han Residence

Jisung is having a magical day. 

Ever since he and Minho had their big talk after that strange therapy session, everything has been absolutely perfect. Minho is absolutely perfect. He’s in irreparably deep, with little chance of survival. 

There is the one teeny tiny issue, though. The one where Minho doesn’t know about the bet. 

Jisung is a coward. He’s pretty sure he’s half in love with Minho, and he’s a coward. He promised himself that he’ll tell Minho the truth as soon as the album deal is secured. He’ll tell him that it started out as a bet, but he fell for real, that the thought of letting Minho go makes him more terrified than the thought of dating ever could. 

He has no idea how it will go. He’s inclined to believe that Minho won’t forgive him, but he can’t tell if it’s just the nagging voice of his incessant insecurity trying to destroy him. Still, though, he doesn’t want to risk it. He has one last weekend, this perfect weekend, to stay in his bubble of bliss. He’s free to love Minho the way he so desperately wants to. One last moment in their own world. 

Now that Minho is back to himself all the time, instead of acting crazy half of the time, Jisung has been overcome with the sheer force of his need for the man. He aches to have Minho in every way he can, not just sexually, either. He wants Minho to come home with him for the holidays, he wants Minho to wake up in his bed with him every morning, he wants to walk down the street, holding Minho’s hand making sure everyone knows that he and Minho are tied to one another. Minho and Jisung. Jisung and Minho. He doesn’t want either of their names to be without the other. 

Minho fits in with his family seamlessly, everyone loves him. They spend the afternoon playing games with the girls, helping his mom bake dessert, chatting until the sun sets. He feels full up with adoration, he’s about to overflow. 

Now, after everyone else has retired to bed, he and Minho are sequestered in the only bedroom upstairs. Jisung moves around, pulling towels out of the dresser as Minho sits on the bed, quietly observing him shuffling about. “The bathroom is just down the hall, the shower is finicky, sometimes it’s really hot and sometimes it’s really cold, but if you go quick you should be good,” Jisung explains. 

Minho just offers him a soft smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. 

Jisung crosses the room, standing above Minho and cupping his face in his hands. “Are you alright? Do you feel comfortable?” he asks, voice embarrassingly worried. 

Minho blinks a few more times, running his tongue over his pink lips. “No, no, it’s more than okay, Sung. I love it here, I love everything about this house,” Minho says quietly, vulnerably. 

Jisung runs the pads of his thumbs gently across Minho’s sharp cheekbones. “What’s wrong, baby?” 

“It’s just,” Minho chokes out a little laugh. “When your mom hugged me today, she really hugged me.” 

“Oh, jagi,” Jisung breathes. “That’s a good thing. Smile, you should smile.” He thumbs at Minho’s bottom lip, already feeling a smile take over his own face. “You’re so pretty when you smile, Min.” 

When Minho drags him down by the back of his neck and kisses him, it’s unlike anything Jisung has ever felt in his life. 

Minho’s hands tangle into his hair, nails sliding deliciously across his scalp. Minho’s mouth is warm and inviting, opening for him almost immediately. He licks into Minho, drinking him like a starved man. He will never get enough of this, the feeling that every touch of Minho’s hands, lips, breath , sends burning across his skin. 

Jisung eagerly swallows every little whine Minho feeds him, their lips slot together like they are meant to be. He moves a hand from Minho’s jaw to the back of his head, slowly lowering the him back onto the bed, Jisung moves with him, settling over Minho’s lap. His arms bracket the older’s head as he kisses him with every ounce of feeling in his body. He needs Minho to know how loved he is. 

“Jisung,” Minho gasps, pulling their lips apart. 

“Mmm?” Jisung hums in response, moving to lay soft kisses all over Minho’s face. 

“Sungie, I need you,” Minho whines, breathily. “Please, I want you so bad.”

Jisung pulls away, searching Minho’s face for any sort of hesitance. He finds none. Just to be sure, he asks, “Are you sure, baby?” 

“Jisung, I’ve wanted this from the moment I met you, I just didn’t know how badly I needed it until now,” Minho laughs lightly. As if to prove his point, he lifts his hips up to buck against Jisung’s. 

Jisung bites back the groan that threatens to spill from his lips. “ Fuck , Min, do you have any idea what you do to me?” 

“Show me, please,” Minho pleads. “Oh my god, Sung, I want it all. All of you.” 

Jisung trails a hand down between them, placing it firm against Minho’s clothed cock. The older throws his head back in pleasure, Jisung taking the opportunity to suck at his neck. 

Pretty, pretty, pretty. Minho is so pretty. 

He starts applying more pressure with his hand, squeezing at Minho’s bulge teasingly, he can feel the man rapidly hardening beneath him, starting to strain against his jeans. Jisung is right behind him, high on the sight of Minho’s pleasure alone. 

“Ji, do you have stuff?” Minho pants. His brain must be functioning a lot better than Jisung’s right now. 

“Uhh…” Jisung peels himself off of Minho, stumbling over to the dresser. He hopes to god his mom hasn’t done away with his stash in the bottom drawer. His breath shakes as he pulls it open. Jackpot. He pulls out the hidden lube and condoms, grinning slyly.

What he doesn’t expect, when he turns around, is for Minho to have stripped himself of his clothes, laying back, completely bare on the bed, cock hard against his stomach. 

Jisung’s breath catches in his throat. He’s at serious risk of death. Minho is the most unbelievably gorgeous man he’s ever seen. He’s spread out, miles of honeyed skin on display, all for Jisung. It’s unfathomable. 

It’s going to be highly embarrassing when his epitaph reads ‘Han Jisung: sex-with-beautiful-man induced heart attack.’ 

Minho smiles shyly. “Are you going to stand there and stare, or are you going to lose the clothes and come fuck me?” Minho is teasing, but Jisung can hear the slight waiver of uncertainty in his voice, like he’s afraid he’s embarrassing himself. Jisung wishes he could rid Minho of every uncertain thought in his head, he wants Minho to know how deeply he craves him.

“Min, I–” Jisung chokes on the spit pooling in his mouth. “I can’t believe you’re real, I don’t deserve you. You’re a work of fucking art, baby.” 

“Jisung…” Minho blushes, biting his lower lip enticingly. “You’re so sweet, you’re everything I’ve ever wanted, but you’re wearing too many clothes.” 

“Right! Yeah, let me just–” Jisung sheds his clothes quickly, only tripping a little bit over his pants. Minho stares hungrily, hand coming up to lazily stroke himself. Jisung tosses the supplies on the foot of the bed, climbing on and crawling over Minho. He quickly replaces Minho’s hand with his own, running his thumb over the other’s slit and spreading precum down his shaft. 

Minho clamps a hand over his mouth to muffle his moans when Jisung touches him, much to the younger’s dismay. Jisung gently pulls Minho’s fingers away from his pretty mouth, kissing him deeply, pressing him into the mattress as he moves his hand up and down Minho’s erection. 

“I want to hear you, baby, please don’t hold back on my account,” Jisung murmurs into his mouth. He wants to hear every single sound that Minho makes as he takes him apart, he needs it. 

Minho nods, eyes starry and breath heavy. “Sung, I need you inside of me.”

“Okay,” Jisung agrees, kissing him again. Minho is so distracting, kissing him is so addictive. He’s sure Minho could bring him to completion just by kissing him. 

Minho whines, impatient. Jisung smiles into his mouth, kissing him once more, long and languid, finally pulling back to get to work. He lifts Minho up, sliding a pillow underneath his hips for a more efficient angle, uncapping the lube and pouring it onto his hand generously. 

“Ready, babe?” he asks, spreading Minho’s legs apart so he’s on full display. 

Minho groans, opening up for him eagerly, “God, yes, Jisung. You’re so fucking sexy I’m going to die.” 

Jisung laughs, pressing a soft kiss to Minho’s knee before running a finger over his hole. Minho jumps at the sensation, sucking in a breath. Jisung runs his finger around the rim, gradually applying pressure until Minho is gasping before inserting it slowly. 

Minho makes a beautiful noise, somewhere between a gasp and a moan, desperately reaching his arms up to bring Jisung towards him. Jisung obliges, kissing him filthily as he works him open. 

“Another, Sung,” Minho pleads. 

Jisung pulls back, restraining himself from kissing Minho until he’s finished with this. He wants to see Minho’s every expression as he preps him. He adds another finger, sliding in easily after the first. Minho writhes and keens underneath Jisung as he slowly opens up for him. 

When Jisung hits his sweet spot, Minho cries out in ecstasy. It’s music to his ears. He wants to hear that sound forever. Sample it. Put it in all his songs. Whatever. Fuck. He’s so beautiful. 

“I’m ready, Jisung,” Minho sputters after Jisung has had three fingers buried in him, scissoring in and out for an unknown amount of time. Minho makes him lose track of reality, so lost in the other man’s everything . 

“How do you want to do this, baby,” he asks, rubbing over Minho’s prostate a few more times, just to tease. 

“Ah! Fuck! I– I want to ride you,” Minho cries. 

Jisung’s jaw drops. How has he gotten so lucky. “Shit, Min, okay, let me just grab a condom.” 

Minho whines when Jisung pulls his fingers out, gathering his bearings enough to grab Jisung’s hand before he goes. “Wait– Sung, are you clean?” 

Jisung freezes. Is this really happening right now? “I– yeah, I haven't been with anyone but you since I got tested last.” 

“Me either,” Minho bites his lip, looking up at him with heavy-lidded eyes. “Can we… I mean, would you mind?” Minho sounds shy again.

“You want me to fuck you raw?” Jisung breathes, running a hand down Minho’s face, gently, thumb catching on his lower lip. 

“Please?” Minho nods. 

Something akin to a growl rips from Jisung’s throat. He easily lifts Minho up and maneuvers them so that he’s sitting against the headboard, Minho in his lap. “You are unreal, Minho, you know that?” 

Minho’s face splits into a beautiful grin before he dives back in towards Jisung and captures him in a breathtaking kiss. Jisung can barely keep up with the movement, completely lost in the feeling of Minho’s mouth on his, Minho’s hand stroking his cock, and then, Minho sinking down on him, right to the hilt. 

“Fuck!” Jisung croaks, hands coming up to grope at Minho’s ass. Minho’s eyes are sparkling, he runs his blunt fingernails down Jisung’s bare chest, breathing heavily as he adjusts to the feeling. 

“Jisung, oh my god, Jisung. I can’t believe you don’t know how sexy you are,” Minho babbles as he starts lifting himself up, slowly. “You’re perfect, so perfect for me.” He slams back down on Jisung’s cock, crying out at the feeling, beginning to bounce up and down. 

Jisung can barely see straight, he’s drunk on the feeling of Minho around him, absolutely gone. “Oh my god, baby, you feel so good. I can’t believe how lucky I am,” he groans, digging his fingers into Minho’s sides as he helps him move up and down. He greedily tugs Minho towards him into a kiss, lips sliding together, wet and hot as they move. Eventually, they’re just breathing into each other’s mouths instead of kissing, too overcome with pleasure to focus on anything else. 

Minho’s movements become labored, clearly beginning to tire. Jisung gathers his strength to flip Minho over onto his back, careful not to pull out, and then he’s drilling Minho into the mattress, holding him up by his waist so he can hit his prostate with every slam of his hips. 

He nails into Minho, drawing out pretty little moans, Minho is chanting his name breathily, he’s never been so fond of the way it sounds on someone else’s lips. “I’m close, Minho,” he grunts, moving a hand to start stroking Minho’s cock in time with his thrusts. 

“Cum inside, Sung, please, fill me up,” Minho whimpers, completely fucked out. 

The request sends him flying over the edge, seeing stars, mind going completely blank as his hips stutter through his orgasm. Minho follows right after him, almost perfectly in time with the feeling of Jisung spilling inside of him, cumming across his own chest. 

Jisung collapses on top of Minho, still inside of him. He didn’t even think about the cum on Minho’s chest when he fell, now sticking nastily between them as he breathes into Minho’s neck. He can’t even begin to care, he’s so completely in tatters. 

Minho laughs, breathily, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “Shit, Sung.”

Jisung chuckles a bit too, running his mouth along Minho’s throat. “Yeah. Shit,” he agrees. 

They lay like that for a bit, going soft and catching their breaths. Eventually, Jisung gets up, grabbing the towel he procured earlier and catching the mess the best he can as he finally pulls out. Watching his cum leak out of Minho is unbelievably hot. God, he could get hard again right now if he thinks about it for too long. 

They stumble to the bathroom together, showering off as quickly as they can, laughing and joking and kissing each other all the while. The water only turns blindingly cold once, but at least it staves off his chance of another boner. 

When they’re back in bed, Minho lays on his chest, arms locked securely around Jisung’s waist. Jisung is playing with the hem of his shirt, stealing kisses whenever Minho looks up. After one of these kisses, Minho blinks up at him, eyes showing more vulnerability than Jisung has ever seen in him. 

“You know,” Minho starts, quietly. “It’s never felt anything like that, for me.” 

“Mmm.” Jisung hums. He thinks he understands what Minho is getting at, but he wants to make sure. “What do you mean?” 

Minho sighs, squeezing his waist a bit tighter and looking away, cheeks a pretty pink. “I’ve never had sex with anyone I’m so… emotionally in sync with,” he murmurs. “It was the best I’ve ever had.” 

Jisung’s heart jumps up his throat. He swallows it back down, thickly. “Me too, Min. Me too.” He kisses the top of Minho’s head, willing the truth behind his words to seep into Minho’s skull through his lips. 

When Minho falls asleep, snoring softly against his chest, Jisung kisses him again, right on the head. 

“I love you, Minho,” he mumbles, letting sleep wash over him. 

Saturday - 3:48 pm - The Street Outside of Minho’s Apartment

Minho is in love with him. 

Fuck . Minho is head over heels in love with Han Jisung. 

The way Jisung held him last night, after he fucked Minho like he’s never been fucked before, the way he wrapped his arms around Minho’s waist as they leaned over the edge of the ferry on their way home, kissing his neck, the way Jisung held his hand, all the way back to his apartment. He’s in love with every second of it, he’s in love with every morsel of Han Jisung. 

But now, outside of his apartment, it’s time for Jisung to go. 

“Hey, listen… tomorrow night, my boss is throwing a party for that artist I was telling you about. I’d love it if you’d be my date,” Jisung says sweetly, playing with Minho’s fingers as they swing their joined hands. 

“Okay.” Minho nods.

“Okay, I can’t wait.” Jisung beams at him, it sets his nerve endings on fire. 

“Won’t tomorrow be a month since we’ve started seeing each other?” he muses.

“Mmmmmhmm,” Jisung affirms. “But, hey, don’t make any plans for the month 2 mark, because I have a show to take you to.” 

“A show!” Minho bites his lip. He could tell Jisung now. Spill his guts about the story, about how Jisung probably won’t want to be near him anymore once he finds out. But Minho is a coward. 

Jisung brings his hand up and kisses it. He loves it when Jisung does that, too. “Producing does come with its perks sometimes.” 

Minho tugs him in for a kiss, leaning into the feeling. Kissing Jisung makes him feel like he has a cloud of champagne bubbles fizzing up inside of him. “It’s a date,” he says, breaking away. 

He stands at the door to his building, watching Jisung go. 

He’s about to lose the only man he’s ever loved.

Chapter Text

How To Lose a Guy in ? Weeks Fuck it All Up- By Lee Minho

Step 10: Lose The Guy

I never thought I was cut out for love, anyway. Love is for fools. I'm the biggest fool of all.

Sunday - 7:00 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

Minho is so out of his league it’s criminal.

He almost fell over on the spot when he picked Minho up tonight, spinning around to show off his outfit, a canary yellow jumpsuit tied behind his neck, leaving his back fully exposed. He’s otherworldly. Jisung doesn’t detach his hand from Minho’s thigh the entire ride to the venue.

Now, it’s the moment of truth. He’s sent Minho to mingle, heading for the bar under the guise of getting drinks, really aiming to talk to Sana. Unfortunately, Dahyun and Momo are lingering around her like flies.

“Well, Jisung, you got him here, but the question remains- does he or doesn’t he love you?” Sana purrs, sipping slowly at her champagne.

“Honestly, Sung, I’m impressed you even managed to get him here,” Dahyun sneers. “Have you ever been in a relationship longer than a week?” 

Jisung puffs out an annoyed breath. Fuck Dahyun. “He’s different. It’s not like before.” 

“Are we sure the task wasn’t for Jisung to fall in love with him?” Momo laughs viciously. If only she knew how spot on she is. 

Sana just picks up her bag and heads off in the direction of Minho, drink in hand. 

Sunday - 7:11 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

Minho is going to tell him tonight. 

He’s going to tell Jisung about his stupid fucking article and his stupid fucking tricks and he’s going to tell Jisung that he fell for him even despite it all. Anxiety has been bubbling in his stomach since Jisung picked him up, showering him with compliments and kisses he doesn’t deserve. Ugh!

For now, he wanders around, waiting for Jisung to bring back their drinks. He’s on his way to look out one of the large windows when he spots a familiar face. 

“Jiwoo?” he says, surprised to see one of his coworkers at this event. 

Jiwoo’s face lights up when she sees him, she’s hanging off the arm of the stunning black-haired woman Minho saw in Jisung’s office a couple weeks ago. “Minho! Hi! This is my girlfriend, Sooyoung!” 

“Right,” he nods in acknowledgement. “You work with the boys, right?” 

Sooyoung smiles politely. “Yep, 3Racha plus Seungminnie.” 

“Deepest apologies for the chaos you daily life must be,” he says solemnly, earning an amused smirk from the woman. “I work at Maxident with Jiwoo.” 

“Minho is the best,” Jiwoo gushes. 

“So I hear! Jisung has been practically vomiting his heart eyes all over the office for weeks,” Sooyoung laughs, but stops short when she sees something over Minho’s shoulder. “So sorry to cut this short, but my boss is coming this way and I’m behind on like three deadlines.” 

Sooyoung quickly turns and tugs a giggling Jiwoo away. “Toodaloo!” the smaller girl calls as she’s dragged across the room. 

Minho spins around, suddenly face to face with the same strikingly beautiful woman he and Felix ran into outside the bar, the night he met Jisung. Weird. 

“Minho, right? I’m Sana,” she greets, putting a hand out. 

The woman he ran into at Levanter is Jisung’s boss? Double weird.

He shakes it firmly, wanting to make a good impression. “Ahh, Jisung’s boss! So nice to meet you!” 

“Pleasure’s all mine.” She smiles widely, face barely wrinkling as she does. This woman is probably not human. “I understand you’ve been something of a muse to Jisung… this album he’s working on, it's filled with love songs, and yet… I’ve never seen him so inspired.” Sana’s eyes are sparkling like she knows a secret. 

“Oh, no, I mean, Jisung… he couldn’t be in love with me…” Minho laughs but it comes out weak and dry. 

“Hmm… and what about you?” She cocks her head, studying him. 

Minho falters, “Well, I mean, we’ve only been together for a month… surely… I mean, I don’t want to rush anything… I–” 

Sana doesn’t let him finish his babbling, curing him off with a soft hand on his shoulder. “Jisung is a very lucky man,” she says, smiling knowingly. 

Sunday - 7:24 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

“Sungie,” Changbin bleats, bringing a hand down to clap Jisung on the back. 

Jisung startles, he’s been standing at the bar, right where Sana left him, staring across the room at Minho. He can’t take his eyes away, it’s like he’s addicted to the sight of him. At least, he can’t take his eyes away until his friends rudely interrupt his staring. 

“Why are you looking at him like you’re in love with him, Sungie, that wasn’t part of the plan,” Chan teases, pinching at his cheek. Jisung knows Chan will be happy for him, when he finds out what’s been going on, but that doesn't make him any less annoying now.

Sana chooses that moment to sidle back up, not even stopping her path to the stage as she says, “Saw him, met him, he loves you, you win. Get your demos ready.” 

“Fuck yeah!” Seungmin whoops, loud as hell. 

Chan scrambles to apologize for the outburst to the older couple standing next to them, glaring at Seungmin like he’s the devil. 

“You did it, Mr. Love Song!” Changbin laughs.

Jisung stopped listening as soon as Sana left. 

He loves me?

Sunday - 7:38 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

Seungmin is over the moon. 

For the first time all month, he finds something to be excited about. Hyuna’s album, god, he could kiss Jisung right now. What a horrifying thought.

Jisung has gone off, shilling his demos to Hyuna or… whatever he’s doing, while the rest of them linger at the bar to take shots. 

They’ve just downed their second, Chan laughing loudly and Changbin howling, as he does, when Dahyun and Momo creep up beside them. 

Fuck. These two are so aggravating. He’s not gonna lie, though, he loves the creepy doll thing Momo has going on. 

“I assume Sana told you?” Changbin says smugly. 

“She did,” Momo drawls. “But I hope you know your man Jisung is a cheater.” 

What. 

What the fuck is she talking about.

I mean, Seungmin wouldn’t doubt it… Jisung that slimy bastard… but, what? 

Dahyun nods, frowning dramatically. “Minho knew from the beginning, he’s been playing along so you guys can win.” 

Fuck.

“Tell him to enjoy his short-lived victory, we have a Sana to talk to,” Momo drones, clacking away ominously. 

Seungmin turns to gape at his friends. Chan looks like he’s about to fall over. 

“We need to fix this,” Seungmin splutters. 

Fuck! They can’t lose this album deal! Fucking hell, Han Jisung. He could kill him right now. What a pleasant thought. 

They find Minho seated at one of the banquet tables, sipping on a cocktail. He jumps when they pull out the seats around him, sitting down and crowding around. 

“Hi,” Seungmin says.

“Hello,” Minho replies, relaxing when he realizes it’s just them. 

Changbin breaks the ice for them, thank god. “Hey, so, Sana is going to come over here in a minute, and it would be so great if you could act like you don’t know anything about the bet…” 

Minho narrows his eyes, face giving nothing away. 

“Just, act like you really love Jisung, and that you weren’t pretending so he could win… that would be huge, for us…” Seungmin adds. 

Chan nods furiously. “It would help us out a lot .” 

Minho blinks. Blinks again. 

Is he getting it?

“Just look Sana right in the eyes and tell her you love Jisung, never heard anything about the bet,” he explains, hoping the added instruction will really hit home. 

“Love. No bet,” Changbin states. 

Minho looks straight ahead, face completely blank. “I understand.” 

Seungmin lets out a long breath he didn't realize he’s been holding. “Thank you.”

Crisis averted.

Sunday - 7:40 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

“So what’s the average Maxident reader like?” Jisung asks politely. 

He somehow finds himself in a conversation with Minho’s boss, Nayeon, engaging in polite small talk. 

“Spunky, insatiable, uppity!” Nayeon chants, like she’s got her script memorized. 

Great. Cool. He’s sick of talking to her. He eyes Minho across the room, where he’s already looking back. “If you’ll excuse me, Nayeon, there’s a beautiful man in a yellow jumpsuit that I absolutely must go speak to.” 

“Oh, Minho! My how-to guy!” she grins. 

“How to?” Jisung never really asked what specifically Minho does at Maxident, but that is unexpected. 

“Yes! Right now, he’s doing an article on how to lose a guy in ten steps, isn’t it brilliant?” She laughs like it’s absolutely hilarious. 

Jisung clenches his jaw. What ?

Nayeon continues babbling, “This poor man he’s been pretending to date… well, he’s really been dating him! He’s doing the most atrocious things to him. He actually named his… he named his…” Nayeon snorts with laughter, falling silent when she sees the look on Jisung’s face. “Oh my god… you’re Peter…” 

Sunday - 7:59 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

Minho is pissed. 

Actually, pissed doesn’t even begin to cover it. He’s seeing red. Fuming. Violently angry. 

Jisung made a bet that he could get Minho to fall in love with him? What the fuck. What the fuck ! 

“Ladies and gentleman, please be seated,” Sana’s honey voice drifts across the room. She’s standing on the stage set up at the front of the large dining area. “I want to introduce you to a true musical legend, who will be performing some of his oscar, grammy, tony, and emmy award winning songs! Mr. Min Yoongi!” She gestures to a small man seated at the piano next to her. 

A bet. A bet his ass. Minho bets he can ruin Jisung’s stupid fucking bet in one fell swoop. 

He downs the rest of his whiskey, and picks up Changbins and Seungmin’s and downs both of those too. Seungmin whines, while Changbin just looks at him wide-eyed. Hey! Fuck you too, Seo Changbin!

Minho stands, stomping onto the stage as Sana leaves, grabbing her abandoned microphone from the staff off to the side. He hops up, cheering as he goes. “Woo! Yes! Give another hand for Min Yoongi– in the building! Ow!” He locks eyes with Jisung, looking at Minho like he’s going to murder him. The crowd murmurs, confused at who the fuck he is. “Well, a lot of you probably don’t know Han Jisung…” he pauses for effect. “JYP Producer, songwriter, wagering enthusiast .” He looks jisung right in the eye as he sings out that last one. “And most impressively, he is one hell of a singer! He’s prepared a little musical snack for his new friend Hyuna!” 

Hyuna pops up out of her seat at the table closest to the stage, pure joy on her face. “Isn’t that just wonderful!” she cheers, bouncing a bit and clapping her hands. 

“So, Jisung, why don’t you come up here and sing a song! Come on Jisung!” Minho yells, flinging a hand in Jisung’s direction. He’s already motoring to the stage, fuming. 

Minho turns to Yoongi, still sitting at his piano shell-shocked. “Do you know, You’re So Vain?” Minho smiles, fluttering his lashes in a plea. 

“That’s not one of my songs…” Yoongi deadpans. 

“Thank you, Minho!” Oh no, Jisung found his own mic. “You know what’s really special about this little song, is that it’s a duet! Round of applause for my partner, Lee Minho, everyone!” The room claps sparsely, clearly still confused at the change in events.

“Can you just… work with me, Yoongi,” Minho hisses. 

Yoongi shakes his head like he’s tired, but plunks out the first few notes anyway. 

“Hah!” Minho yelps. “We’ll be performing one of Jisung’s personal favorites, today!” 

Understanding dawns on Jisung as the song starts picking up. It’s on. 

“ You walked into the party, yeah, with your hat pulled strategically real low over one eye! ” Jisung sings, completely butchering the lyrics. 

Minho rolls his eyes. “ Strategically tipped below one eye ,” he corrects. 

Jisung fumbles over some more lines before Minho picks it up. 

“ He’s so vain– you probably think this song is about you Han Jisung you’re so vain! ” He's being targeted now, putting Jisung’s name in the song. 

“No you’re so vain!” Jisung shouts, shoving a finger into his chest. 

“You fooled me to win a bet!” Minho retorts. 

“Oh I fooled you?” Jisung scoffs, like the thought is ludacris. 

“And you should be ashamed!” Then Minho starts singing with the music again, a very confused Yoongi still pushing through the notes. Good for him! “ Do you want everyone to know your lovemaking is laaaaaaaammmeeeeee? ” 

Jisung starts singing along with the music too, “ Yeah well you named my penis, you named my penis! ” 

“I really think you need to get over that,” Minho drones into the microphone. 

“ You're so vain! ” Jisung sings straight into Minho’s face, pointed. 

The final line of the song is coming, Minho figures he better make a fucking show. “ Yooouuuuu’reeeeee sooooooooo vaiiiinnnnnnnn! ” he croons, dropping his mic and making a quick retreat from the stage. 

Sunday - 8:09 pm - Hyuna’s Signing Party

Hyuna is clapping and laughing like she’s just been witness to the greatest performance of her life. 

That woman has always been so very strange. At least his and Minho’s little show won’t cost Jisung her album… probably. 

He watches Minho’s back exit the room. Shit. He’s not done with this yet. He sets down his mic, sprinting after him. 

He catches Minho on the sidewalk in front of the venue, right after exiting. “No, no, no, Lee Minho, I’m not done with you!” he shouts. 

Minho stops. When he turns around Jisung momentarily forgets why he’s mad. Minho’s cheeks and nose are tinted pink, his eyes watery. He looks so sad. 

“You used me, Jisung,” he spits. 

Oh right, he remembers why he’s upset. Minho made his life hell for a magazine column. “ I used you ?” 

“To get ahead in your work! You arrogant, backstabbing, jerk!” 

Jisung clenches his fists. “Minho, you drove me half insane for a god damned magazine article!” he argues. 

Minho’s lip curls up in distaste. “You told your boss you could make anyone fall in love with you, and I was exhibit A.”

“And so I’m just a guinea pig, to test your theories on?” 

“And what am I, Jisung? I’m just some guy someone picked out in a bar.” Minho’s shoulders slump, defeated.

Jisung feels petty, he could just give it up, but he’s humiliated. He was deceived. “Big deal! You can use it as a fun little twist in your story!” 

“Good idea, maybe we should bet on it.” Minho turns to start walking away. 

“You know what, Minho, you did your job. Congratulations,” Jisung calls out after him. “You wanted to lose your guy? You did it, you lost him.” 

Minho glances at him over his shoulder, tears now falling from his eyes. “No I didn’t, Sung. You can’t lose something you never had.” 

Jisung can only stand and stare as the only man he’s ever loved leaves.

Chapter Text

Lee Minho’s 10 Step Guide to Falling in Love

I’ve lost the guy and I don’t know why. What went wrong? 

When I started writing this column, I wanted to commit certain silly dating faux-pas. I didn’t realize I was making the biggest mistake of all. 

I lost the only guy I’ve ever really fallen for. 

Monday - 9:15 am - Maxident Magazine Corporate Office

“Well… It’s not what I expected…” Nayeon hums. 

Minho has laid his soul down on her desk, bare, for her to read. He finished the fucking article, he just finished it his own way. 

“It’s better.” She raises her chin up from reading, grinning widely. “Congratulations, Minho, you’re ready to be unleashed!” 

“I– really?” Minho stutters. This is not what he was expecting. 

“You can write about anything, wherever the wind blows you!” Nayeon says, clapping her hands together. 

“Politics?” Minho asks.

“Well… the wind’s not going to blow you there.” Nayeon pouts.

Minho grits his teeth. “Religion? Poverty? Social issues?” 

Nayeon waves her hand around like she’s shoo-ing his words away. “Okay, when I said wind I really meant more of a draft . Shoes, bags, laser hair removal, use your imagination!” 

“Thank you for this opportunity, Nayeon,” he says curtly, nodding once. “I quit.” 

***

“Min, you’re doing the right thing, you deserve the best,” Hyunjin assures from where he’s standing at his kitchen counter mixing drinks. 

As soon as Minho left Nayeon’s office, he felt mass relief. He’s been miserable writing his silly nonsense column for months, he just finally had the balls to cut himself loose. That doesn’t make it any less terrifying, though. 

He went home with Hyunjin after work, the only one of the boys that was free, so they could wallow over their heartbreak to romcoms together. Yes, Hyunjin is still heartbroken.

There’s a knock at Hyunjin’s door. 

“Ah, can you get that? It must be our food,” Hyunjin asks. 

Minho huffs and forces himself off the couch, shuffling over to the front door, expecting a delivery man. 

“Seungmin?!” Minho yelps. 

On the other side of the door is not a delivery man, but one Kim Seungmin, holding a massive bouquet of flowers. Seungmin looks just as surprised as him. “Minho?” 

A shriek sounds out behind him, growing louder by the moment, Hyunjin shoves Minho aggressively out of the way and slams the door in Seungmin’s face. 

“Hyunjin, what the hell?!” 

Hyunjin’s eyes curve up in a horrified expression. “What is he doing here!?” he hisses. 

“That’s my question! How do you even know Seungmin?” Minho asks, blinking a few times. Oh. Oh shit. Seung. The guy Hyunjin has been crying all month over. “Oh my god , Jinnie, your man is Jisung’s Seungmin !?” 

“Jisung’s Seungmin!” Hyunjin pouts. “He’s my Seungmin, I didn’t even know he knew Jisung.” 

Minho laughs, he can’t help himself. It’s perfectly stupid for the fucked up month he’s had. “Well are you just going to leave him out there?” he asks, gesturing to the door. 

“Why is he even here ?” Hyunjin looks highly distressed. 

Minho sighs. “Jin, that seems like something you could figure out if you asked him.” He shoves his friend towards the door. 

“Okay,” Hyunjin whimpers. 

“You got this!” he cheers, moving back towards the couch to watch the scene unfold. So much for movie night, he’s got the real thing. Hey! It’s almost like Hyunjin is putting on a stage show for him right now. The theatre… he’s destined for it…

Hyunjin pulls open the door, slowly. “Seungmin… what are you doing here?” 

“I don’t really know…” Seungmin mutters, glancing over at where Minho is sitting. “It’s kind of embarrassing that Minho has to watch this. He scares me.” 

Minho barks out a laugh. “I can go lock myself in the bathroom, or something,” he says, amused. 

Hyunjin turns his nose up, crossing his arms. “Whatever you have to say, Minho can hear it. Now talk,” he orders. 

Seungmin looks over at him again, pained expression in his eyes. He starts fumbling through his speech, “I–I was laying in bed, trying to sleep last night, and you know… that perfume you sprayed on my pillow?” God damn it, Hyunjin, you fucking whack job. “Well, that smell is gone now… and I want it back…” 

“Well I don’t know if you can have it back.” Hyunjin stands his ground.

“Right…” Seungmin squeaks. 

“Yeah.”

“Ok, well, this is worse than I expected so I’ll just…” Seungmin juts a thumb over his shoulder. 

“Wait!” Hyunjin breaks. It took longer than Minho expected, honestly. “I’m willing to consider it.” 

Seungmin looks hopeful. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Hyunjin smiles prettily. 

“These are for you, by the way,” Seungmin shoves the flowers into Hyunjin’s arms. 

“Thank you…” Hyunjin peeks up at him, clearly lovestruck. 

Seungmin takes a deep breath, steadying himself. “Jin, I’m so sorry. It scared me, how sure you were about us. You’re quite literally the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen, and I was having such a hard time understanding why you would like me so much.” Seungmin is such a fool. He’s exactly Hyunjin’s type… boring, normal, smart… 

“I’m boring and normal and average, Jin. I’m not used to people wanting me. Much less being sure about wanting me. I screwed up so badly, when I let you go. It was all my own insecurity, I just… I want another shot,” Seungmin finishes pathetically. 

Hyunjin sniffles, wiping tears furiously out of his eyes. Minho loves that little drama queen. “You stupid, stupid man,” Hyunjin whines, grabbing Seungmin’s face and leaping into his arms, legs wrapped tightly around his waist. The flowers fall to the floor, forgotten, as they kiss passionately. Minho’s stomach turns at the sight, it’s so romantic and beautiful he could vomit. 

“Maybe just no more calls from blocked numbers…” Seungmin mutters between kisses. 

“Don’t worry, Minho taught me all about how not to lose a guy,” Hyunjin responds. 

Minho sighs heavily, laying back on the couch. 

The mention of his name must have reminded Seungmin that Minho was, in fact, still there. “Oops, sorry Minho, we’ll just…” He pulls them into the hallway, door shutting behind them.

He’s happy for Hyunjin, he really is. He likes Seungmin a lot. 

He’s also very, very sad for himself. 

Thursday - 9:15 am - 3Racha Studio

“Pleeeeeeaseeee open me, Jisung… please break my binding!” 

Changbin is putting on a stupid voice, pretending to be , to actually speak for , the magazine he’s been shoving in Jisung’s face since Tuesday. He’s progressed to full on delusions. 

“Jesus Christ,” Jisung complains, smacking the magazine out of his line of sight. 

“Pleeeeeeaseeee!” Changbin howls, mimicking the sound of someone yelling as they fall off a cliff. Dumbass. 

“Sung, he’s right, you really should read it,” Chan comments. Always the fucking logical one. 

“No thanks,” he bites. “I’d rather not be reminded.” 

Minho’s article got published on Tuesday, Seungmin bought a copy as soon as it was stocked in the newsstand outside. Apparently , Seungmin’s jilted lover is Minho’s friend, Hyunjin, and apparently , there’s something very important in the article that Jisung should see. 

Too bad he’s a stubborn asshole. 

The guys have been trying to get him to read it all week. He’s thrown at least ten copies of the magazine in the shredder. Seungmin is probably keeping Maxident in business the way he’s buying the things. They haven’t given him details about what’s inside, just that he needs to read it himself . Idiots. 

Seungmin sighs, apparently finally tired enough of Jisung’s refusal to open the magazine that he takes it upon himself. “ I’ve lost the guy and I don’t know why. What went wrong? When I started writing this column, I wanted to commit certain silly dating faux-pas. I didn’t realize I was making the biggest mistake of all. I lost the only guy I’ve ever really fallen for .” Seungmin holds the magazine out, a knowing look on his face. “Jisung, trust me, at this moment, I’m being absolutely serious with you. Read. It.” 

And Jisung does.

Thursday - 10:47 am - Maxident Magazine Corporate Office

Hyunjin is minding his business, painting his nails at his desk.

“Excuse me?” 

Hyunjin whips his head around, he knows that voice. “Holy shit!” he yelps. Why the fuck is Han Jisung in his office.

“Where’s Minho?” Jisung says, frantic. 

“He’s not here…” Hyunjin knows he’s being cagey, but this man did just break his best friend’s heart. 

“Where is he?” Jisung repeats. 

“He quit,” Hyunjin says simply.

Jeongin decides to ruin his fun, popping his head over the wall separating their desks. “He’s got an interview in the capitol.” Damn it, Jeongin. 

“Shit,” Jisung curses. “When is he leaving?” He’s just speaking to Jeongin now, Hyunjin unsatisfying to him. Sigh! 

“Like, now? He’s on his way to the airport.”

Jisung turns his eyes on Hyunjin, squinting accusingly. “You’re not a therapist, are you?” 

“Oh…” Hyunjin chokes. “No.” He offers Jisung a pained smile in reconciliation. 

“You owe me $300 dollars,” Jisung smirks, disappearing as fast as he came. 

Aw man. So much for that Gucci ring he had his eye on. 

Thursday - 11:11 am - Departures Terminal

Minho sighs, he’s next in line to hand his ticket and passport to the grumpy looking security officer at the airport checkpoint. He hates flying. 

“Minho, wait!” 

“Jisung?” he thinks out loud, cranking his neck to see the man in question running towards the front of the line, through the crowd. 

“Don’t go,” Jisung pleads, now standing on the other side of the flimsy queue barrier from him. “We need to talk.”

The security guy looks pissed. “Get out of line or come through, man, there’s a shit ton of people here,” he grumbles. 

Minho huffs in annoyance. Fucking Han Jisung coming to fuck his life up again. Stupid Jisung and his stupid pleading eyes that could make Minho lose his place in a line of a million people, if he only asked. He ducks under the rope, pulling Jisung to a quieter nook. 

“What the hell is this, Jisung,” he demands. Angry. He’s angry, but most of all, he’s hurt. 

“Is it true?” Jisung holds up a copy of the magazine. The one that his article is in.

“Jisung, please.” He refuses to make eye contact. Embarrassed. He confessed his love up down and sideways in that fucking article. 

Jisung grabs his hand. “Is it true, Minho? Or are you just trying to sell magazines?” 

Minho swallows. His mouth is dry. “I meant every word.” 

“Then where the hell are you going?” Jisung breathes, squeezing his hand a little tighter. 

“I have an interview. In the capitol. It’s the only place I can write what I want to.” He’s waffling. Trying to get Jisung to let him go. He wants to go lick his wounds in private, get over Jisung and never deal with the pain of falling in love again. 

“I think you’re running away,” Jisung says. 

Jisung knows him too well. He can read him like a book. Minho’s next words are just a lame attempt to self-sabotage, they sound fake coming out of his mouth, “Why don’t you save your mind games for your next bet, Jisung, I’m late.” 

But he doesn't try to pull away. He doesn’t want to pull away. Jisung grounds him like an anchor. He doesn’t want to be without Jisung’s touch ever again. 

“Bullshit,” Jisung says.

“Pardon?” 

“I said, bullshit. Do not leave me like this, Minho. Not when I’m in love with you and I know you’re in love with me too.” 

Minho’s heart stutters. Skips one, two, three beats. His butterflies are going mad. 

He drops his shoulders, last of his reluctance waning. “What did you say?” 

Jisung smiles at him, mischief in his eyes. “Bullshit?” 

“No!” Minho whacks his shoulder playfully, unable to contain his own silly grin. He steps forward, right into Jisung’s space, whispers, “Say it again.” 

“I’m in love with you, Lee Minho. Please. Don’t go.” There isn’t a hint of insincerity or uncertainty in his voice. Jisung loves him. Minho is on fire. He’s smiling so hard his cheeks push his eyes up. 

“I’m in love with you too, jagi,” he admits, finally, out loud. 

“I know. I’m very lovable. One time I even made a bet on it,” Jisung teases, an annoying smirk on his lips. 

Minho reaches out and pinches him hard in the side.

“Ow!” Jisung whines. 

“Han Jisung, can you shut up for once in your life and kiss me?” 

They’re smiling when they meet, pieces fitting together exactly how they’re meant to. He will never get tired of this feeling, of Jisung holding him in his arms, stroking down his face, his chest, grabbing at his waist. And now, he doesn’t have to. 

The kiss is soft, meaningful, filled with so much pent up love and longing that Minho might explode. 

Minho thinks that if he were to look inside of his chest now, instead of those neat little boxes, all stacked and tied up, he would be flowering from the inside out. Absolutely overcome with the hugeness of all of these feelings. His feelings are big, they’re scary and unknown and all consuming, but that doesn’t make them bad. 

Felix told him that. Smart kid. 

When they break apart, highly aware that they are still in public, Jisung is gazing at him with all the fondness in the world, running a thumb over Minho’s cheekbone. 

“Does this mean we can still go to that concert next month?” Minho asks, breathily. 

Jisung grins. “Didn’t I tell you I’d take you anywhere?”