Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Rei: It's the first time I've visited the zoo with friends, it was fun.

Maho: Yeah, I thought something bad was going to happen, you know, because of Rinku.

Muni: Surprisingly, it was quiet... Where is she?

Rei: She said she was going to buy something at the souvenir shop.

Maho: I guess some stuffed animal, possibly a lion.

Rei: Wow! That stuffed animal Rinku-san has with her looks real.

Maho: What the hell?

Muni: Rei, it doesn't look real, it is real.

Rinku: I'm back, girls.

Maho: Rinku, what do you have there!?

Rinku: Huh? Oh, this? It's a milkshake.

Muni: We're referring to what you have on the other hand.

Rinku: It's a lion cub. I liked them so much that I thought, "Why not raise one?" so I took it and named it Simba.

Maho: Are you crazy? Return that!

Guard: Hey, you four! Give back that lion cub!

Muni: Let's run away and think about it later.

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Kyoko: "Shinobu? I think you have a problem with video games."

Shinobu: "Why do you say that?"

Esora: "Well, you crushed a turtle in the park."

Shinobu: "I could have done that accidentally."

Yuka: "Was it also accidental when you hit a vending machine and said, 'I must release the forest animals'?"

Shinobu: "I meant that a coin got stuck."

Kyoko: "You tried to eat a street performer to see if you could juggle like him!"

Shinobu: "I was hungry, you know what, I don't have time, I have to gather evidence for the class trial."

Kyoko: "What class trial!?"

Esora: "It's no use, Kyoko, she left after beating up a driver."

Yuka: "I didn't know Shinobu could drive, how interesting."

Kyoko: "You find that interesting and not the illegal way she took the car?"

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Noa: Girls, it's great that you came!

Ibuki: What did you do now?

Noa: Nothing, I was just being normal.

Towa: So you did something.

Noa: I was trying to set a trap.

Saki: A trap?

Noa: I contacted Acme.

Towa: Were you trying to catch the Road Runner?

Noa: No.

Ibuki: Something worse, a cute girl. Do you know that's kidnapping?

Noa: It's not kidnapping if I convince her to come to my house.

Ibuki: You're dealing with minors, consent doesn't matter there.

Noa: But, I'm a minor. How old do you think I am?

Towa: Based on your behavior, 40 years old.

Saki: And how did they catch you?

Noa: I used konpeito as bait, and while I was waiting, I heard an angelic voice saying, "Tell me, cutie."

Towa: And then what?

Noa: I searched everywhere until I realized the voice was coming from the box I had set as a trap. I approached it and suddenly someone pushed me. The trap fell, and I could hear hammering and couldn't get out. After a while, someone opened the box. It was a police officer, and there was a note that said, "Beware! Potential kidnapper~nano!"

Saki: What does "nano" mean?

Ibuki: The real question is, what are we going to do with Noa?

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Rika: See? I told you we weren't going to do anything extreme.

Saori: We're modeling!

Rika: What's so extreme about that?

Marika: We're at the foot of a volcano.

Rika: So what?

Dalia: The volcano just erupted.

Rika: You're right. Girls, grab a big rock that can be used as a surfboard, we're going surfing and the water isn't invited.

Saori: I hate you.

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Tsubaki: "Aoi? Since when are we spies?"

Aoi: "Since you signed the Alter Ego contract to become the vocalist of Rondo."

Nagisa: "Where did that come from?"

Hiiro: "Small print?"

Tsubaki: "Who puts something important in small print?"

Aoi: "Did you not wonder why the club is called 'Alter Ego'?"

Tsubaki: "I didn't think it referred to being spies."

Hiiro: "We're making too much noise, we'll get caught."

Aoi: "We'll be in trouble if we're caught."

Tsubaki: "What can happen? Will they give us the death penalty for trying to steal from the emperor?... By the way, that was sarcasm."

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Author's note: With this, you'll notice how much I like Lyrical Lily. I can't say the same for their music. (Help, I'm traumatized by Maihime) Note two: Chapter title based on the Wattpad story "El Arte de la Guerra" by InfiniteAll 

Teacher: Well, girls, there are ten minutes left until the art class ends, I'm going to check your paintings.

Kurumi: Finally, this torture is over.

Miyu: I thought you liked painting.

Kurumi: Not when I'm forced to.

Haruna: What do you want, them to say "please"?

Kurumi: Just don't call me "the deer"...wait, that wasn't it.

Haruna: I never know what's going on in your head.

Kurumi: At least something's going on in my head. Not with Miiko-chan.

Miiko: What did she mean by that?

Teacher: You four, silence! I'll check your work now. Kasuga-san?

Haruna: Yes, here it is, hope you like it.

Teacher: Good job, a flower garden surrounding... is that the academy statue? I like that you used oil technique. It reminds me of Van Gogh.

Haruna: Thank you very much.

Teacher: You're welcome. Now, Takeshita-san.

Miiko: Here you go, I hope you like it.

Teacher: This is...

Miiko: Great? Incredible? Picturesque?

Teacher: Terrifying? What's supposed to be?

Miiko: It's something impossible, Miiko and Miyu-chan enjoying a haunted house.

Kurumi: And why does Miyu-chan have a face like "The Scream" by Edvard Munch?

Miiko: That's why Miiko said it's something impossible.

Teacher: Alright, but next time, don't get inspired by another work, create something from scratch.

Miiko: Alright.

Teacher: It's your turn, Sakurada-san.

Miyu: H-here it is.

Teacher: What is this?

Miyu: It's supposed to be a lion.

Kurumi: It looks like a hairless cat.

Teacher: An hour of class? And you only drew a big ellipse, a small one, and four lines? This is shameful.

Miyu: I'm sorry, I'm not good at drawing.

Kurumi: Even a kindergartner can draw better.

Teacher: Shiratori-san, be quiet. And you, Sakurada-san, stay after class.

Miyu: Yes.

Kurumi: Looks like it's going to rain, Miyu-chan getting scolded and this time it's not our fault.

Teacher: Let's see, Shiratori-san, if you think you're Picasso, show me your work.

Kurumi: Not to brag, but I consider this my best work.

Teacher:... What is this?

Kurumi: A cow eating grass.

Teacher: What about the grass?

Kurumi: The cow ate it.

Teacher: What about the cow?

Kurumi: It went to look for more grass.

Teacher: It didn't do anything, do you want to make a fool out of me?

Kurumi: Well, you already look like one.

Teacher: Shiratori-san! You also stay after class!

Haruna: Now you've gone too far, Kurumi-san.

Kurumi: Look on the bright side.

Haruna: What bright side?

Kurumi: I'll keep Miyu-chan company.

Miyu: K-Kurumi-chan.

Haruna: Miyu-san, don't get emotional about it, please.

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Michiru: Hey girls, check out this trick I discovered on the internet.

Kokoa: What stupid thing are you going to show us now?

Michiru: It's not stupid, it's genius.

Lumina: This could be useful for my research on human behaviour.

Michiru: Helicopter, helicopter!

Kokoa: What the hell?

Hayate: She's flying using her pigtails as propellers.

Lumina: Not anymore.

Kokoa: Now she's falling, and not gracefully.

Hayate: I got this. I brought this trampoline.

Kokoa: That's not a trampoline, it's a table.

Hayate: Seriously? My bad.

Michiru falls directly onto the table, which, to make matters worse, was made of glass.

Hayate: Oh no! Our table! It's broken!

Lumina: I think that's not the only thing that's broken.

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In a world where all the girls study in the same academy, except for Merm4id and Rondo.

Kyoko: Oh my god, what is Rinku doing, hanging from there?

Towa: A monkey came in and stole her lunch.

Muni: In short, Rinku is showing the monkey who is smarter. Unfortunately, the monkey is winning.

Ibuki: I told her to find another way to deal with it.

Esora: How do you deal with a monkey that who knows where it came from?

Rika: Did someone say explosives?

Kyoko: No.

Shinobu: What are you doing here, Rika Seto? You don't study here, go away.

Rika: Yes, right, see you later.

Noa: I guess the school has no security, anyone can enter.

Kyoko: We have to do something to help her.

Kurumi: Come on, Rinku-chan, show that monkey who evolved more!

Kyoko: I didn't mean to encourage her, Kurumi.

Kurumi: Oh no!

Saki: What's happening?

Kurumi: Danger is coming closer. Here comes the Chairwoman.

Haruna: Could someone enlighten me about the events that are taking place at this very moment?

Kurumi: How elegant is France.

Maho: A monkey stole Rinku's food, and she went to chase it.

Haruna: Rinku-san, could you please come down from that hanging lamp before an unfortunate fall happens?!

Muni: Since when does she speak like that?

Miiko: Since Kurumi-chan hit her with a dictionary.

Kurumi: It was accidental.

Haruna: I haven't forgotten the need to reprimand you, Kurumi-san. It is not acceptable for you to go around hitting people on the head with an encyclopedic volume.

Kurumi: I better get the dictionary again.

Kyoko: Watch out!

Maho: Rinku!

Miyu: Mr. Monkey!... What? Someone has to look after the safety of the poor animal that is not in its natural habitat.

Rinku: (Screams of a person trying to defy gravity in vain)

Haruna: Rinku-san, are you in a physical and emotional state?

Shinobu: Someone brings some tape.

Muni: Do you plan to adhere Rinku with that or what?

Shinobu: No, but I'm tired of Haruna Kasuga's way of speaking.

Kyoko: Enough, there's a wound here.

Kurumi: Oh my, someone calls 911!

Miyu: I don't think that's Japan's emergency number.

Kurumi: Then what is it?

Miyu: According to GPT-san, it's 110.

Kurumi: Since when do you use ChatGPT? You're not even into technology.

Miyu: It's just that I feel like I'm in an Asimov book.

Haruna: Allow me to express my displeasure, dear colleagues. Could you refrain from discussing irrelevant and useless topics at this precise moment? There is an emergency situation in which a person has been injured, and it is imperative that we give all the necessary attention to provide help.

Kurumi: President, think fast.

Haruna: Allow me to express my displeasure, Kurumi-san. How many times do I have to remind you that, although I am on the disciplinary committee, I am not...

Miyu: Yikes! Was that necessary, Kurumi-chan?

Kurumi: Calm down, Miyu-chan.

Miyu: "Allow me to express my sincerest apologies for the inappropriate language that inadvertently came out of my mouth... Wait, Kurumi-chan, there's no need for you to throw the dictionary at me!"

Shinobu: "Remind me not to invite these two to my funeral."

Muni: "Or Rinku's, I think she's already gone."

Kurumi: "I see her there, so she hasn't left yet."

Miiko: "Then Rinku-chan is a ghost, how cool ~nano!"

Shinobu: "You won't be invited either, Miiko Takeshita."

Epilogue: Rinku passed away because of Kurumi and Miyu's distraction, as no one called emergency services. The bad thing, aside from Rinku's passing, was that she couldn't retrieve her lunch. Shinobu reported Kurumi and Miyu for involuntary manslaughter, as nobody called for an ambulance because of them. The good thing was that the monkey was okay, and Haruna stopped talking in a pretentious manner.

Chapter Text

Rinku: You know, I think we should change our music genre.

Maho: What's wrong with ours?

Rinku: People confuse us with for Lyrical Lily.

Muni: Who would do that? We're poor to begin with. Well, not Rei, but you know what I mean.

Maho: Besides, their music is more Synthpop. We're more J-Pop and Dubstep.

Rinku: What if we try another genre like Death Metal!

Rei: What's that?

Muni: Screams from the underworld. Rinku, that doesn't fit with our appearance.

Rinku: We just need to wear makeup like Kiss.

Maho: No, have you ever heard a DJ set in that genre?

Rinku: That's why we should be the first. We could even change our motto. Now it would be "Death Around".

Muni: Great, let's go around telling people to die instead of being happy.

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Kyoko: Yuka, I already told you, the best burgers are from Carl Jr.

Yuka: That's not true, the ones from McDonald's are better.

Kyoko: Of course not. How can you compare an "M" with a star?

Yuka: What does the logo have to do with it?

Kyoko: I would never trust an M, let alone a clown.

Yuka: A star does inspire confidence. So, which burger  do you prefer, Esora?

Esora: Huh? Burger King?

Kyoko: You're worse, how can you say Burger King?

Esora: The name says it all, the king of burgers.

Kyoko: So, is McDonald's a hamburger farm then?

Yuka: Here comes Shinobu. Hey, Shinobu! We need to know your favorite burger.

Shinobu: What a stupid question.

Kyoko: It's not stupid to me. Now answer or I'll kick you out of Peaky P-key!

Shinobu: Papa's Burger.

Kyoko: What restaurant is that?

Shinobu: I don't know, I don't have time, I have to make a pizza that shows economic and social inequality, as well as the growing disparity between the rich and a middle class on the verge of extinction.

Kyoko: What?

Esora: We lost her again, she just left thanks to a teleportation device from a company called "Aperture Science".

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Noa: Saki-chan, can you explain to me what this photo that Yuka-san sent me means?

Saki: It's me harassing Maho-san while a photographer harasses me.

Noa: Do you really accept it so cynically?

Saki: It would be worse to outright deny the truth of that photo. Something that nowadays could be done with Photoshop.

Noa: How low you've fallen.

Saki: So now I'm on your level?

Noa: When do I harass anyone?

Saki: You have the daily route that Muni-san, Miyu-san, Haruna-san, Kurumi-san, Miiko-san, and I take from school to home memorized.

Noa: That's because they told me.

Saki: I'm sure Muni-san wouldn't give you that information.

Noa: We're not talking about me, we're talking about you.

Saki: My harassment is only for research purposes, I don't know what you're pretending to do.

Noa: What are you researching?

Saki: I'm too laid back to be a DJ, I hardly get excited during performances. Even Haruna-san gets more excited.

Noa: And so you spy on Maho?

Saki: I want to learn how to be a DJ. I tried with Shinobu-san, but I stopped when he somehow ended up under a cardboard box.

Noa: Isn't it easier to just ask him?

Saki: I tried, but I mentally embarrassed myself. I had a conversation with Maho and messed up in the first sentence. I said, "Do you know how to get excited?"

Noa: I guess you didn't mean it in a sexual way.

Saki: Then I would have stumbled trying to explain that I meant to get excited with happiness. Then I realized that you also get sexually excited by happiness, and decided to just buy some binoculars. It's less embarrassing to get caught spying.

Noa: I think you've got the term "excited" mixed up.

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Marika: Blimey, this microwave oven is expensive, 30,000 yen. Marika doesn't like being an adult anymore.

Dalia: Do you dream of having the best microwave in your kitchen, but the price is holding you back? No more! You can now get that dream microwave at an incredibly low price!

Marika: Why are you talking like an infomercial host?

Dalia: Leave your worries behind! I'm here to help you! With my powerful karate chop, I can cut the price in half! Don't waste any more time worrying about the price, act now and take advantage of this unique opportunity!

Marika: And how does that work?

Dalia: It's easy! With just one chop of my hand, I can cut your dream microwave in half! And at half the price!

Marika: And what am I going to do with half a microwave... Gee, you really did break the microwave.

Shop owner: Hey, you two, you're going to pay me the full price of that microwave!

Dalia: We only took half.

Marika: That's how we got banned from that store.

Rika: And they call me crazy.

Dalia: I've seen Rika do so many stupid things, I thought to myself, "One won't hurt."

Rika: So you can break anything?

Dalia: Yes, see that? I'm going to break it in half.

Rika: Great, I'll be a spectator of your strength!

Saori: Wait, Dalia, that's an atom...!

Chapter Text

Tsubaki: Nagisa, aren't you a little obsessed with your motorcycle?

Nagisa: What do you mean?

Tsubaki: This photo on your Instagram.

Nagisa: It's just a photo with my motorcycle. I don't see what's weird about it.

Tsubaki: It's you, wrapped up in your bed, with your motorcycle. Why do you sleep with it?

Nagisa: How do you know I was sleeping?

Tsubaki: What else could... You're sick.

Nagisa: You're just jealous.

Tsubaki: I just really like your motorcycle.

Nagisa: I'm not talking about that. You want to be in my place, and you want Aoi to take the place of the motorcycle.

Tsubaki: NAGISAAA!

Nagisa: Why do I even have legs... Oh, Aoi, Hiiro! Hi. Hey, Aoi, how much to sleep with Tsu-...

Tsubaki: Shut up.

Aoi: Do you have trouble sleeping, Tsubaki?

Tsubaki: W-what do you mean?

Aoi: Well, what Nagisa was going to tell me before you knocked her out was that you wanted to sleep with me. And when you sleep with someone, it's comfortable for falling asleep. That's why some people sleep with stuffed animals. See, Hiiro, she was so tired that she fell asleep.

Hiiro: She didn't fall asleep, she passed out when you mentioned sleeping together. Nagisa meant a different meaning of the word.

Aoi: Oh, really? I need a dictionary to see that meaning.

Chapter Text

Title based on the story/novel "Through my Window" by Ariana Godoy. Does this violate copyright?

Haruna: Good morning, Miyu-san... it seems like you didn't sleep. Don't tell me you stayed up all night reading?

Miyu: Haruna-chan, I think I need a Greek god in my life.

Haruna: What are you talking about? Did you read "Through my Window" by Ariana Godoy? That book is very indecent.

Kurumi: And how do you know that, President? Miyu-chan only said Greek god, and you understood the reference faster than Captain America.

Haruna: Ah! Kurumi-san, it's impolite to appear out of nowhere, especially behind people's backs. A-also, I know about the book through a friend's cousin.

Kurumi: Curious, I don't have cousins, what about you, Miiko-chan?

Miiko: No, or well, not that are recognized.

Kurumi: What about you, Miyu, the raccoon?

Miyu: Huh? Not that I know of.

Kurumi: See? Haruna-chan, there's no friend's cousin.

Haruna: Do you think you three are my only friends?

Kurumi: With your personality, it's surprising that you have friends.

Haruna: Same goes for you.

Kurumi: So, Miyu-chan, are you going to leave your window open so a stranger, possibly sexy, can steal your Wi-Fi password?

Haruna: You also know that indecent story.

Kurumi: What's indecent about it? The harassment? The violence? The fact that they literally almost had sex in the same bed as the protagonist's underage little brother? I hope the author doesn't get offended.

Haruna: As if she's going to listen to you.

Kurumi: Of course she will. Last time, whoever is forcing us to have these senseless conversations, tagged the author of "The Art of War." That reminds me. Hello, Godoy-san, you know, I'm not such a fan of "Through my Window," I prefer Damian.

Miyu: Damian is by Alex Mirez.

Kurumi: Oh, right? I got distracted and confused Damian with Heist.

Narrator: Hey, stop breaking the fourth wall.

Kurumi: Force me.

Narrator: Plus, Ariana Godoy will never see this. So many people tag her on Wattpad, this will just be another notification.

Kurumi: Well, InfiniteAll did turn around.

Narrator: There are differences.

Haruna: Kurumi-san? Who are you talking to?

Kurumi: Don't you hear that voice?

Haruna: No. And you, Miyu-chan, you have to be careful about what you read, and you have to sleep.

Miyu: I know, Haruna-chan, it's not like I read "After." Or that Ares became "My Love on Wattpad".

Kurumi: Oh, it's starting to rain. I guess we'll have to go "Through the Rain" to get home.

Haruna: Can you stop mentioning Godoy-san's books?

Miiko: We have to be careful, it looks like a storm, then this ends with "The Revelation" that we're lost souls.

Haruna: Enough, you guys are "Insania." Perfect, now you've infected me.

Kurumi: You don't even know what that word means.

Haruna: Madness (a disorder or disturbance of the mind).

Chapter Text

Lumina: Hey, Michiru, why do the stairs look different?

Michiru: I'm finally going to prove that Kokoa-dono is a blasphemous. So I waxed the stairs so she would slip.

Hayate: Hey girls, what are you up to?

Lumina: By any chance, do you have black clothes?

Hayate: No. Why?

Lumina: Never mind. Forget it.

Kokoa: Hayate, have you seen my Pretty Cure socks? I can't find them... slips

Kokoa: Ouch!

Kokoa: Oh, Heaven's!

Kokoa: Oh,  Goodness Gracious!

Kokoa: That's smarts!

Kokoa: Oh My!

Kokoa: Egad!

Kokoa: Well I'll be!

Kokoa: Yikes!

Hayate: Kokoa, are you okay?!

Kokoa: It's nothing, I just fell down the stairs, possibly breaking every bone in my body. But nothing serious.

Michiru: Kokoa-dono, since when have you been so polite?

Kokoa: I spent time with Sakurada-san. In fact, I'm seeing her later to have tea and eat Canalé de Bordeaux while discussing Mark Twain's cultured works.

Kokoa: Wait, I hate Sakurada-san.

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Chapter Text

Maho: Muni, I think I'll blame you for the situation we're in.

Muni: Me? What do I have to do with it?

Crazy fans: Muni-chan, you're so cute!

Maho: Did those screams answer your question?

Rei: If they only want Muni-san, why are all four of us running?

Maho: Believe me, you don't want to get trampled by a stampede of humans.

Rinku: This reminds me of home. Sometimes we had to run from elephants.

Muni: Are there elephants in Madagascar?

Rinku: That was during a visit to South Africa. Once, I tried to befriend an African elephant.

Maho: Rinku, do you know that those elephants are the most dangerous?

Rinku: I found that out that day.

Muni: Idiot.

Rei: Okay, elephants aside, does anyone have an idea of how to get out of this?

Maho: Everyone except Muni, jump to the left.

Muni: Why not me?

Maho: Because they want you. Now jump.

Muni: I'll remember this, Maho!

Rinku: Okay, now what?

???: You're so mean. Friends don't abandon each other.

Maho: Who the hell are you?

Aine: Aine Yuuki, friend collector.

Maho: Collector of what?

Aine: Friends. I want to believe that you know what a friend is, although what you did to the girl with rabbit ears shows that you don't.

Maho: Muni will be fine, she loves the attention.

Rinku: Hey Aine-chan, where do you collect your friends?

Aine: In this album of friends.

Rinku: Cool! I thought you could only collect songs.

Rei: Isn't that a Mexican song?

Maho: Let's go, we have things to do, our franchise hasn't been canceled.

Aine: Show some respect for your friend.

Chapter Text

Kyoko: How did this happen?

Yuka: Her obsession with video games has gone too far.

Esora: I told her I didn't trust a game called "Sword Art Online."

Yuka: Still, it's amazing what technology can do. Virtual reality is advancing by leaps and bounds.

Esora: Isn't it more like immersive reality?

Kyoko: That doesn't matter, we can't take off her helmet now or she'll die.

Esora: Or be killed in the virtual world.

At that moment, the virtual reality device turned off. Shinobu removed the helmet and got up from the bed.

Shinobu: Girls? What are you doing in my room?

Kyoko: Shinobu! Yuka and Esora told me you weren't going to wake up.

Shinobu: Why's that?

Esora: Well, you said you were going to play Sword Art Online.

Shinobu: I said NewWorld Online.

Esora: And what's the difference?

Shinobu: You don't know. You know what, get out of my room, this is a clear invasion of my privacy. Not even in Animal Crossing do they do that... well, yeah. They knock and then come in without permission.

Yuka: What's Animal Crossing?

Shinobu: Get out!

This happened when Shinobu was in NewWorld Online.

Kunoichi: Are you ready, Sally?

Sally: You won't even know where my attacks are coming from.

Kunoichi: Same goes for me.

Maple: I'll be the referee, or is it "refereess"?

Sally: It doesn't matter.

Who will win, a girl with typical ninja skills as her name suggests, or a girl who to me is a copy of Archer.

Sally and Kunoichi met on a battlefield in NewWorld Online, ready to fight. Kunoichi pulled out her weapon, a gun that shot shuriken, and began to shoot at Sally, who easily dodged the shuriken thanks to her "Double Jump" ability.

Sally approached Kunoichi, unsheathed her two swords, and began to attack her. Kunoichi tried to dodge the blows, but Sally was too fast and agile. Kunoichi decided to change her strategy and started using her "Transformation" ability to become invisible and confuse Sally. However, Sally used her "Presence Sense" ability to detect Kunoichi.

With Kunoichi invisible, Sally couldn't attack her directly, so she decided to use her "Wind Slash" ability to send shockwaves that could detect Kunoichi and attack her. Kunoichi tried to dodge them, but one of the shockwaves hit her, making her visible again.

Sally took the opportunity and charged towards Kunoichi, who tried to shoot her with her gun, but Sally blocked the shuriken with her swords and landed a fatal blow. Kunoichi was defeated, and Sally emerged victorious in her duel in NewWorld Online.

Chapter Text

Rinku: This event is amazing!

Saki: I think the challenge of covering a song in English gave it a fresh vibe.

Maho: The hardest part is keeping the pronunciation on point while singing.

Ibuki: And I think you guys picked a really tough song… like Baby One More Time.

Rinku: Honestly, the hardest part was the choreography—especially since Muni-chan refused to join me.

Muni: I'm the VJ. I don’t need to dance.

Rinku: But Yuka is also a VJ, and she danced for Black and Yellow!

Towa: By the way, what was up with that song? It felt like a battle of the bands was about to break out any second.

Shinobu: Well, that’s kind of the vibe of the song. Also, you guys totally cheated, Photon Maiden. Dynamite? And not even the Taio Cruz one?

Ibuki: How is that cheating?

Shinobu: Because it’s a K-pop song!

Noa: But the lyrics are entirely in English.

Yuka: If we had gone with your choice, Shinobu—Last Surprise...

Ibuki: We needed a song with choreography, like Merm4id’s performance.

Rinku: That song really suits Merm4id. What was it called again?

Marika: Single Ladies.

Kyoko: Yeah, that one fits them perfectly.

Esora: Especially since all four of them are single.

Rika: Don’t worry, one day I’ll get married. I refuse to leave this world without leaving behind a legacy.

Saori: Please, Rika, don’t be so cruel to the world.

Rika: What do you mean? That’s offensive… Tsubaki, say something… Tsubaki?

Rei: Rondo had to step out for something.

Dalia: Here they come.

Yuka: Shinobu’s cousin is still missing.

Ibuki: Are you guys okay?

Hiiro: We’re fine, but we can’t say the same for Nagisa.

Shinobu: What happened to her?

Aoi: Wow, I thought you didn’t care about your family.

Shinobu: Of course, I care!

Tsubaki: She burned her fingers after “epically” trying to play the guitar solo from Through The Fire and Flames.

Muni: Well, at least now we can officially say Nagisa was on fire.

Shinobu: That sounded like something Kurumi Shiratori would say.

Rika: Speaking of which, none of the Lyrical Lily girls are here… No wonder it’s been so peaceful.

Maho: They’re about to start their performance.

The song Lyrical Lily chose for their cover starts playing.

Shinobu: …Why do I feel like I just got Rickrolled?

Chapter Text

Saki: So, do you know all the types of bread?

Honoka: Yep! White bread, whole wheat bread, rye bread, cornbread, sandwich bread, baguette, pretzel, pita bread, focaccia.

Towa: Wait… is a pretzel considered bread? I thought it was a type of cookie.

Honoka: It is bread. Even though it’s salty, and most breads are sweet.

Umi: There are salty breads too.

Rin: Honoka, Umi! I’m so glad I found you!

Umi: What happened?

Rin: Someone kidnapped Nico!

Honoka: Holy Pretzel, Umi! We have to rescue her!

Umi: Rescue her? We should call the police!

Ibuki: Sorry about this… Noa, do you have anything to say?

Towa: …Why is she handcuffed?

Saki: And why does that girl look so disheveled?

Nico: She tried to kidnap me! She’s crazy!

Towa: Noa, you’re ruining our collaboration!

Noa: What collaboration? They’re already retired.

Towa: So what? Every group has a “reunion” at some point.

Honoka: But we’ve always stayed in touch. We never stopped being friends. So this would be like… the reunion of the reunion of the reunion.

Umi: Honoka, she means going back on stage.

Nico: I refuse to work with that blonde. I’d rather go find More More Jump.

Towa: They’re not even official idols! They’re just influencers who livestream on Twitch.

Saki: Don’t forget their YouTube videos.

Ibuki: Towa, the only one who isn’t an idol is Hanasato-san.

Noa: You know, Yazawa-san, maybe we should work with MMJ instead. I want to meet Airi Momoi! Though, Minori is really cute too…

Ibuki: Someone remind me that if we ever collaborate with MMJ, we need to keep Noa far away from Hanasato-san and Momoi-san.

Chapter Text

Wakana: Yes! Now, from another angle, Seto-san.

Sajuna: Since when are you a photographer?

Wakana: Not even I know… but this time, I have two big reasons to be one.

Sajuna: Yeah, I noticed. You do realize a woman's body is more than just her chest, right?

Wakana: W-what are you talking about?

Sajuna: You’re zooming in way too much on that girl’s boobs.

Dalia: …He’s doing what?!

Wakana: Nothing! Nothing at all! Okay, time to switch models! Your turn, Mizushima-san!

Sajuna: Hopefully, this time, they’ll be full-body shots.

Wakana: Shhh! You’re making me look bad! If that white-haired girl over there gets the wrong idea, she’s gonna obliterate me—just like the Mexicans say, “turn my orange into slices.”

Sajuna: I should probably have emergency services on speed dial.

After finishing the photoshoot…

Rika: Great job, Wakana! Can we see the photos?

Wakana: …The photos? What photos?

Saori: The ones you took of us. Don’t tell me we stood around posing like idiots for nothing.

Wakana: Oh, those photos… The photos I took… Uh, I need time to… develop them!

Marika: But you’re using a digital camera.

Wakana: Yeah, but, you know… bureaucracy takes time.

Dalia: What bureaucracy…? Wait… Did you take indecent photos?!

Wakana: No! Not at all! I’m a total professional… It’s just… I have Parkinson’s!

Dalia: You little— Give me that camera! The only thing you’re getting next is a pacemaker!

Wakana: I-I can explain!

Sajuna: No, you really can’t.

Wakana bolted before Dalia could catch him. Dalia ran after him. A few minutes later, the sounds of a brutal beatdown echoed through the area. No one wanted to check.

Sajuna: Welp, ladies, I gotta go. Twitch just notified me that the new streamer I started following went live. I need to find out if that giant teddy bear hair accessory isn’t too heavy for her.

Rika: See ya, Sajuna! …So, what now?

Saori: Maybe we should check if Dalia didn’t actually kill the photographer.

Meanwhile, somewhere else…

Marin: Why does my chest feel so tight…? Like Gojo-san is out there… having fun with someone else…?

Chapter Text

Group Chat: Happy Around

Muni: Rinku, where the hell are you?!

Rinku: At the store.

Maho: And what are you doing at the store? We’re supposed to meet up near Alter Ego.

Rinku: I need to buy soup.

Muni: …For what?

Rei: Girls, let’s just let Rinku-san handle her shopping. Don’t worry, Rinku-san, we’ll wait for you.

Rinku: Thanks, Rei-chan! The problem is… I can’t find it.

Maho: Find what?

Rinku: The soup.

Muni: Then go to the soup aisle.

Rinku: I don’t think they have one.

Muni: What kind of store doesn’t have a soup aisle?!

Rinku: …A clothing store?

Maho: Why the hell are you in a clothing store?!

Rinku: Buying soup.

Muni: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BUY SOUP IN A CLOTHING STORE?!

Rinku: …Then where do you want me to buy it?

Muni: At a convenience store, obviously!

Rinku: Oh… That actually makes sense.

Muni: You know what? I’m leaving.

Muni has disconnected.

Rinku: Now I’ll never find soup here…

Group Chat: Lyrical Lily

Haruna: Girls, are you awake? Sorry for messaging so late, but it’s an emergency.

Miyu: What’s wrong, Haruna-chan? Are you okay?!

Haruna: I don’t want to freak you out, but I think someone broke into my house. I heard a noise…

Miyu: A burglar?! Haruna-chan, don’t move! We need to call the police!

Kurumi: Burglars don’t exist. They’re just parents.

Haruna: …How is that relevant?!

Kurumi: Because it’s probably your parents.

Haruna: No, it can’t be them. They told me they’d be home late.

Kurumi: Then it’s Haruno.

Haruna: I’m pretty sure it’s not a family member…

Kurumi: Then it’s the housekeeper.

Haruna: Kurumi-san, I’m serious!

Miiko: Miiko thinks you should check it out. Just… don’t say, “Who’s there?” The ones who do that always die in horror movies.

Miyu: Die?! Haruna-chan might die?!

Haruna: Calm down, Miyu-san! I’m not going to die… I think. And Miiko-san, this isn’t a horror movie.

Kurumi: Reality is scarier.

Haruna: I think they’re in the kitchen…

Miyu: Haruna-chan, be careful! Just hide and call the police!

Kurumi: At this rate, Miyu-chan’s gonna have a heart attack before anything else happens.

Haruna: What the hell?!

Miyu: I know you’re in a tense situation, Haruna-chan, but please watch your language.

Haruna: I shall now express my astonishment and disbelief in a more refined manner—what exactly is transpiring at this moment?!

Miyu: Much better.

Haruna: …Kurumi-san? Care to explain why you’re raiding my fridge?

Kurumi: Oh, hey, Chairwoman. How was your day?

Haruna: Oh, quite nice! Thanks for asking— WAIT. CHAIRWOMAN?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, KURUMI-SAN?!

Kurumi: Making a sandwich.

Haruna: …You broke into my house to make a sandwich?!

Kurumi: Yep.

Haruna: You couldn’t just make one at your house?!

Kurumi: We ran out of ham.

Haruna: I—what—?! You know what? I’m not even going to argue. Just make your sandwich and leave.

Kurumi: Knew you wouldn’t let me starve.

Haruna: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Good night— WAIT. HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN?!

Kurumi: I broke the door.

Haruna: …You WHAT?!

Kurumi: The door. You know, the thing that lets you enter buildings? Though, technically, you can enter through a window too. So… are windows also doors?

Haruna: YOU BROKE MY FRONT DOOR JUST TO MAKE A DAMN SANDWICH BECAUSE YOU RAN OUT OF HAM?!

Kurumi: Pretty much.

Miyu: Haruna-chan, language!

Haruna: Seriously, Miyu-san?! You’re more worried about my language than the fact that Kurumi-san just committed BREAKING AND ENTERING?!

Miyu: You’re both in the wrong here.

Haruna: Oh, you want me to watch my language? Fine. Allow me to formally address the situation: With your reckless actions, you have inflicted damage upon my household’s main point of entry, solely for the purpose of assembling a culinary creation widely recognized as a “sandwich,” due to the unfortunate absence of a particular ingredient—ham—in your usual place of residence.

Kurumi: Wow, that was a very detailed and accurate account of what just happened, dear Haruna-chan.

Miiko: …Why are you guys texting on WhatsApp when you’re literally standing face to face?

Kurumi: We’re talking in person too. Haruna-chan even told me how I’m gonna die.

Miyu: HARUNA-CHAN!!!

Haruna: SHE’S LYING!!!

Chapter Text

Nagisa: Sometimes the weirdest things happen.

Hiiro: Judging by your tone, something weird definitely happened to you.

Nagisa: Well, I don't know if it was that weird. The thing is, I had to get my phone fixed because it started acting up.

Aoi: I hope it wasn’t because you crashed your motorcycle again.

Nagisa: Please, Aoi. Who do you think you’re talking to?

Tsubaki: Someone who once dunked their phone in water just to “test” if it was waterproof.

Nagisa: That’s what waterproof means! Anyway, while I was at the repair shop, there was this girl telling the guy at the counter her phone wasn’t working.

Hiiro: And what’s weird about that?

Nagisa: The guy checked it and said everything was fine. And then she goes, “Then why aren’t her messages coming through?”

Tsubaki: That’s... kind of sad, I guess.

Nagisa: Maybe she meant him instead of her?

Aoi: Come on, it’s the 21st century. The LGBTQ+ community is thriving.

Nagisa: Oh yeah? And to think, someone in this very café hasn’t come out yet.

Tsubaki: Must be the waiter. It’s always the waiters... What?

Hiiro: I didn’t know you were so full of assumptions. Still, we all know who we’re talking about... except Aoi.

Aoi: It’s not that easy to tell who’s gay and who’s straight.

Nagisa: I say that girl definitely was, though. I bet she left the store going, “Wait, never mind, she just texted me—she fell asleep. Thanks!”

Tsubaki: Oh my god.

Hiiro: Another assumption?

Tsubaki: No, look! Smoke’s coming from the kitchen.

Nagisa: Is it a fire? Or maybe the northern lights?

Just then, a man walks in—he looks like a detective.

Daisuke: I urgently need your attention. I just bought this building, and I have to demolish it immediately. There’s a drug lab underneath.

Nagisa: Is this Breaking Bad now?

Aoi: Either way, we should probably leave. He sounds serious.

Moments after they step outside, Rondo watches as the café explodes. They also see another detective storming up to the first one, clearly furious.

Haru: What the hell is wrong with you, Kanbe?!

Daisuke: I had to destroy the café. It was a drug den.

Haru: By blowing it up?!

Daisuke: Obviously. That’s how you destroy the stash—so no one can use it.

Haru: Well now “the stash” is in the air, getting everyone high.

Daisuke: Guess we better call the department of intoxication.

Chapter Text

Author: Hey, it’s me again.

Kurumi: You always show up when it’s our turn to talk.

Author: I need to make a disclaimer… or whatever it’s called.

Title inspired by the book/story “Díselo a la Luna” by vhaldai.

Kurumi: You wouldn’t need a disclaimer if you just tagged the author. They wouldn’t even notice… Well, now they will because they’ll get the notification.

Author: I doubt it. Violeta Boyd, just like Ariana Godoy, probably gets a ton of notifications. I don’t think she checks every single one. This just feels more legal to me. And if the author doesn’t like it, they can just tell me and I’ll take the chapter down.

Kurumi: You’re misunderstood.

Author: Me?

Kurumi: Yeah. Like, nobody probably got the Unichord references in the last few chapters.

Author: For starters, no one even comments on this story… except @PrimeGamma. One day I’ll reply to all those comments. Maybe with a special chapter. Or maybe not. Who knows?

Kurumi: Still…

The author cuts Kurumi off, picks her up (she’s pretty light), and tosses her out the window. You hear car brakes screech below.

Author: Alright, back to the story.

Haruna: Seriously, Kurumi-san, how do you always end up in trouble? And then we have to wait around while you finish your punishment.

Kurumi: Because you’re my friends.

Haruna: I’m only here because of Miyu-san. According to her, we have to stand in solidarity with you.

Miyu: Take it easy, Haruna-chan. What did you do this time, Kurumi-chan?

Kurumi: Nothing… spectacular. I filled a weird girl’s hand with slime.

Miyu: A weird girl?

Kurumi: Yeah, you’ve probably seen her, Miyu-chan. She’s got two-tone hair, perfectly symmetrical. No way that’s natural.

Haruna: Doesn’t matter. Now we’re stuck here at night waiting for a juvenile delinquent.

Kurumi: Tell it to the Moon.

Haruna: What?

Miiko: Miiko will do it. Hey, Miss Moon, when will Kurumi-chan stop being a delinquent?

Miyu: I don’t think she’s gonna answer… By the way, Kurumi-chan, isn’t that the title of a Wattpad book?

Kurumi: Wow, so you did catch the reference.

Miyu: I’ve heard of it. It’s by Violeta Boyd—the same author of A Kiss in the Rain. I’ve been trying to find that one; supposedly there’s a print version. I wonder what it’s about.

Kurumi: Isn’t it obvious? The characters kiss during a tornado.

Miyu: Wouldn’t that send them flying?

Kurumi: Well, they say love gives you wings—like Redbull.

Haruna: What’s a Redbull?

Miiko: A red bull? Miiko doesn’t think bulls give you wings… But if you mess with them, they will send you flying.

Haruna: We’re getting off topic. Kurumi-san, some things will keep chasing you no matter how much you run.

Kurumi: Yeah, yeah, I know. Responsibilities, intrusive thoughts, catchy songs, phone companies… and love. Though I’d throw the Tax Office on that list too.

Haruna: What are you talking about?

Miyu: First book reference again, Haruna-chan. Don’t think too hard about it.

Haruna: How do you even know?

Miyu: I’m reading it right now. There’s a copy on Wattpad.

Kurumi: Oh! Here comes Miiko-chan’s almost-name twin—Iino Miko-san! Hi!

Miko: And how can you greet me so cheerfully after what you did?

Kurumi: Same way as always. It’s not like I’m a robot that can change faces.

Miko: Thanks to you, I have to stay late making sure you actually serve your punishment.

Kurumi: That’s the downside of bringing Crime and Punishment to life.

Miko: Just go home already. What if you run into some maniac who locks you in his basement and renames you after flowers?

Haruna: What? I don’t get it, Iino-san.

Kurumi: I do.

Miyu: Me too.

Kurumi: Don’t look at us like that. Miyu-chan and I got the reference. We’re talking about The Cellar by Natasha Preston, in case the reader didn’t catch it.

Haruna: What reader?

Miiko: Miiko would like to try being kidnapped, just to see if it’s like the movies.

Miyu: Miiko-chan, that’s not something you should want.

Chapter Text

Maho: Girls, are you there? I don’t know if we should be worried about what Abyssmare said...

Rika: About literally destroying us?

Maho: Yeah, that.

Shinobu: Let them try. Peaky P-key won’t go down that easily.

Muni: But it will go down. You’ve reached your peak. The only way left is down.

Shinobu: I don’t care if another group outshines mine.

Muni: I bet it’d hurt your pride if Lyrical Lily surpassed you.

Shinobu: That group that feels more like a parody than a real DJ unit?

Muni: Yep.

Shinobu: That’s never gonna happen. No one cares about Lyrical Lily.

Kurumi: Hey! That’s an insult to me. It might be trash to you, but to me, it’s genius.

Shinobu: What’s so genius about using books? Since when do books and music mix?

Haruna: Well, there is a band called "El Mago de Oz."

Maho: We’re getting off track. Lyrical Lily doesn’t matter.

Shinobu: I knew you were on my side, Maho.

Maho: That’s not what I meant. No offense.

Shinobu: I meant offense.

Tsubaki: At this point it’s clear you have an irrational hatred for Lyrical Lily.

Saki: So… should we take Abyssmare’s challenge seriously?

Rika: If it’s war they want, it’s war they’ll get.

Miyu: Come on girls, shouldn’t we focus on entertaining people and having fun instead of competing?

Shinobu: That mindset is why your group’s stuck in the mud, Miyu Sakurada.

Kyoko: We can’t just let them belittle our work. They act like they're superior just because they came from abroad.

Kurumi: Typical foreigners.

Dalia: It’s a great chance to show what we’re made of here in Japan.

Kurumi: We’re made of flesh and bones. Doubt anyone’s made of origami.

Saori: She’s starting again.

Rinku: I’ve never been in a DJ battle. Actually, I’ve never been in any battle. Unless you count that time I fought a chimp for my lunch.

Kurumi: Poor thing.

Rinku: Don’t worry, the chimp was fine.

Kurumi: Oh no, I meant you.

Kyoko: Let’s accept the challenge and show them what we’ve got.

Miyu: Can’t we just try to make peace?

Shinobu: Kick Miyu out. No one here wants peace.

Kurumi: War is the best.

Miyu: I guess if there’s no other choice...

Animul: Is this where humans say “If you can’t beat them, join them”? Fascinating!

Miyu: Um… who are you?

Rinku: I don’t have that number saved.

Kurumi: Mom! Another rando snuck in!

Shinobu: Who are you and how did you get in here?!

Animul: Your group chat security is pretty weak. You didn’t even notice I brought more people in.

Esora: Is someone here a hacker? Or is this a lame prank?

Kurumi: If it were my prank, I’d at least pick a name with double meaning. Like “Phil McCracken.”

316: I don’t get the double meaning.

Kurumi: Another intruder.

Tsubaki: Why are people even joining this group?

316: I have a reason. I can’t forgive Rinku Aimoto.

Rinku: You know who I am? … Wait, don’t tell me—you’re the chimp?!

Chocolat: Close! She acts like one.

316: I do not act like a chimp!

Chocolat: Because you are one.

Aoi: Now there are three of them.

Saori: What kind of name is Chocolat anyway?

Chocolat: What kind of cursed name is Saori? … Wait, did I just think that or write it?

Marika: You wrote it.

Chocolat: Heh. Chill. Saori’s a beautiful name.

Kurumi: Only I get to use memes here.

Not Hayate: She can use all the memes she wants.

Chocolat: Seriously? “Not Hayate”? We agreed on using names that don’t reveal our identity.

Not Hayate: And that’s why it works! No one would think someone named “Not Hayate” is actually Hayate. It’s too obvious.

Haruna: Hayate? As in Hayate Tendo-san? The new school delinquent?

Carlos Santana: Hayate? No no, I’m Carlos Santana. For real.

Chocolat: Who are you calling a delinquent? You bootleg class president!... Wait, did I say that or think it?!

Haruna: Who are you calling president?!

Kurumi: It feels weird hearing someone else call Haruna-chan “President.” If Carlos Santana is Hayate, then Chocolat must be Kokoa Shinomiya.

Willy Wonka: Excuse me, I’m Willy Wonka, not Kokoa. Easy mistake, though.

Miyu: Can I visit your factory?

Willy Wonka: No.

Miyu: Please! I’ve wanted to visit since I was a kid and see the chocolate river!

Willy Wonka: Keep dreaming, *****. Wait… did I say that or think it?

Muni: Glad I’ve got the WhatsApp filter on.

Kurumi: So this is a meme war now?

Maho: I was thinking… 3 sounds like Mi, 1 like Ichi, and 6 like Ru in Japanese—

316: Got a problem with that?

Shinobu: Kaibara Michiru?!

Kaiba: No, I’m Seto Kaiba! And if you don’t chill out, I’ll summon my Blue-Eyes White Dragon.

Rika: Brother?!

Willy Wonka: These people are idiots. Wait, did I just—

Saori: Yeah, we noticed. You keep doing that on purpose.

Miyu: Sorry, Kaiba-san, but my grandpa’s deck has no pathetic cards. What it does have is… the unstoppable Exodia!

Kyoko: Yeah, this has officially gone off the rails.

Miiko: Ignoring Hayate-san’s alias, the first person who joined had their name backwards. Easiest one to crack.

Ibuki: Lumina Ichinose?

Hatsune Miku: Lumina? Never heard of that name. But with a name like that, she must be a star in the music world. No wait—probably a black hole.

Shinobu: Oh yeah? Then fly into the Sun, would you? Do humanity a favor.

Chapter Text

🎶 [TV show-like theme music playing] 🎶
(Author’s note: I don’t care if Unichord uses a weird symbol. I’m too lazy to figure out how to type it on a English keyboard.)

Michiru: Hello everyone! Welcome back to your favorite show, Unichord!

Kokoa: Wow Michiru, you’re really going all in with these show titles today.

Michiru: Then what do you want to call it? Haya-Coco?

Kokoa: Much better. Don’t forget this started with just Hayate and me. You and Lumina were added extras, Michiru.

Lumina: If we’re being strict, you and Hayate are the extras. You were literally created to satisfy a very vocal minority that demands representation or they’ll riot. The same kind of hypocrites who cheered over Black Ariel, but then turn around and insult white people for being "privileged." You exist for marketing to the LGBT+ community, not because the creators care about inclusion—they just want to sell more D4DJ merch by exploiting what’s socially "right."

Michiru: How do I swap her for a less based version?

Kokoa: Let’s just stick with Unichord.

Hayate: Shouldn’t we, like, introduce ourselves first?

Michiru: Fine... Wait, hold up, I still need to demand respect in the D4DJ WhatsApp group.

[In the D4DJ WhatsApp group]

Michiru: Still waiting on an apology, Rinku-senpai.

Rinku: Me??

Kurumi: Tell her how Kokoa-san replied to Miyu-chan.

Kokoa: Can we not bring up that embarrassing moment again, Kurumi-san? I already apologized to Miyu-san in private.

Saori: And when are you gonna apologize to me?

Kokoa: Who even are you?

Rinku: Why do I need to apologize, Michiru-chan?

Michiru: Did you forget you were supposed to invite me to the group? I told you, and I waited until Lumina-shishou hacked in just so we could join.

Rinku: I thought I was forgetting something.

Muni: Like they say—if you forgot, it wasn’t important.

Michiru: What’s that supposed to mean, Muni-senpai?

Muni: I’m not implying anything. I said it directly—you’re not relevant.

Michiru: Do you even know who you’re talking to? I’m the best DJ of my generation.

Shinobu: If you’re the best, I don’t want to hear the worst.

Miyu: Peace, please.

Shinobu: Still, I respect Unichord more as rivals than Lyrical Lily.

Michiru: Lyrical Lily, a DJ group?

Shinobu: Apparently.

Miyu: Can everyone stop attacking my group, please?

Michiru: Right, sorry Miyu-dono.

Shinobu: I’m not.

Kurumi: I bet you love us deep down.

Shinobu: Who do you think I am? Noa?

Noa: Me what??

Michiru: Oh no, she’s here. I’m out before I start feeling stalked.

[Back to reality]

Kokoa: Can we actually start now?

Michiru: Right. I don’t think we need introductions—Lumina and I are already known from Twitch.

Hayate: Yeah, pretty sure everyone already knows who we are.

Kokoa: Fine. Hello everyone! We’re so happy to have you here on our show. Thanks so much for following us on Ao3 and being part of our community. We’ll be sharing fun stuff, answering your comments, and just hanging out. We hope you enjoy the ride and have a blast with us!

Michiru: She flipped the "fake nice" switch.

Kokoa: It’s not fake—it’s called being polite. Learn the difference.

Hayate: So what do we do first?

Kokoa: You didn’t read the script?

Hayate: There’s a script??

Lumina: We’ve got a live comment: “Happy International Women’s Day!”

Kokoa: Thanks for your comment! Though, just to clarify, it’s not a celebration—it’s a commemoration. This day is about recognizing the struggles and achievements of women in a world that still discriminates against them.

Lumina: Now they wrote: “It’s the same thing—celebrate, commemorate.” …Can I kill him?

Michiru: Calm down, Lumina-shishou. Remember the First Law of Robotics.

Lumina: I want to break it. Just so I can commemorate this guy’s funeral.

Kokoa: Where did she get that Star Wars-looking sword?!

Michiru: It came from her mic. Rui Kawashiro’s invention.

Hayate: Okay listeners, we’re taking a commercial break while we calm things down. Leave your questions—we’ll answer them! Just... maybe not about Women’s Day, or Lumina might go full Terminator. And technically, she’s not even a woman. She’s genderless. But maybe she is a woman since in Spanish we say la inteligencia artificial... not el.

Kokoa: Cut to commercial before she starts spiraling again.

Chapter Text

Saori: Where’s Rika?

Dalia: I haven’t heard anything from her.

Saori: She’s probably dead by now.

Marika: She told me she was going to play a game.

Saori: Knowing her, she probably went off to play some Saw games.

Dalia: Or Squid Games.

Rika: Sorry for being late, girls.

Saori: Where were you?

Rika: Oh, I was playing Russian roulette.

Marika: Did you win?

Rika: Do you even know how that game works?