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Chapter Text

The sound of the door slamming downstairs was nothing new to Severus. Not by a long shot. If anything, it only served to alert him that the bastard was home from work. Soon he would either turn the radio on and demand quiet throughout the house, or he would start yelling as soon as he found his favored whiskey bottle. Severus debated on staying here in his room, pretending to be busy or to sneak downstairs to go out and wait for Lily in the park. Thinking more on it, he decided that he should stay, the door had slammed enough to shake parts of the house, and he didn't want to push his luck. The muffled noises downstairs confirmed that Tobias was indeed angry, and was starting to take it out verbally on Eileen. He couldn't remember exactly when 'mom' and 'dad' became 'Tobias' and 'Eileen'. Between Tobias's overly firm hand and Eileen's inability (or refusal) to do anything, Severus had begun to separate himself from them more and more. His only saving grace was Lily, she was the break in the storm in his shit show of a home life.

Especially after 5th year.

Gods, 5th year was not only the worst fucking year of school to date, but also the most traumatic. He would rather stand in front of a drunk Tobias than experience that night ever again. He flipped through his old DADA textbook, dutifully avoiding a certain lupine chapter, reviewing the notes he took. He had marked the chapters and written in between the margins, just as he had with all his other textbooks. He was going to make a show of not being in the way and minding his own business; out of sight, out of mind so to speak. The less attention Tobias gave him the better.

Unfortunately, footsteps began pounding their way to his room. Fuck me. Severus mentally braced himself as best as he could before the larger man burst through his door. "Pack your shit, we're leaving in the morning." Severus blinked, not understanding. "Didn't you fucking hear me? I said pack your shit." Tobias began walking forward, making Severus scramble to stand up.

"What do you mean we're leaving? To where?" He regretted the words as soon as he said them, but the crack of Tobias's hand was faster than his regret. It hit the side of his face making it snap to the left. Tears welled from the pain, but Severus refused to let them fall in front of the man.

"We're being relocated, whole town is getting ripped up. You're going to pack whatever bullshit you have except for that freak shit, and we're leaving." He turned to leave the room. Before he left completely, Severus heard him mutter under his breath, "Never going to see any of those freak kids or the unnatural school again. Only good thing from this fucking mess." He was gone after that. No doubt grabbing bags and shoving whatever he deemed worth keeping. Severus, in the meantime, was rooted to the spot. Leaving? Leaving where? Thoughts raced across his mind as his body started to move again.

They were leaving because the town was getting ripped up? Unlikely, more like Spinner's End was finally coming to an end. The only question was: leaving where specifically? Tobias said that he'd never see Hogwarts again.

Severus paused in packing his clothes. If he never went to Hogwarts, they would be leaving the Isles. He'd never see Lily again. His friend, his only fucking reason to see tomorrow each and every day. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. He began packing with more urgency, shoving what few clothes he had in the bag before moving over to his books. Any of the muggle books that he had (which was maybe 2, when he really looked) could be replaced. The others were his school books, the only things he could take home after the end of every year. He grabbed his wand and hoped like hell no one would be coming to his room any time soon, parent or otherwise. Pointing the wand to his books, Severus barely whispered the charm, "Reducio." The books shrank to a quarter of their original size, just big enough to shove in to his bag. Afterwards, he immediately shoved his wand into the bag next to them.

"Are you done yet, boy?" Tobias came from down the hall just as Severus closed the bag. He nodded, not looking him in the eyes. "Where's that book you were reading? Didn't hide it did you?" Severus shook his head.

"When I turned around, it was gone. So was my wand." Severus prayed to anything that Tobias wouldn't demand to see the bag. Hopefully the genuine distraught in his voice was enough this time. Something must have listened, either that or Tobias was too busy to bother this time. "Good, don't come down until I call for you. Have to clean up the fucking mess you mother made. Always bitching about this or that." He left the room again, his words getting softer and softer.

Now. It had to be now. He had no idea where Tobias was going to take them, but he didn't want any part of it. Period.

Severus glanced towards his window. It wasn't big and led to the alleyway, but if he could get through and just run, he could make it. Slinging his bag across his shoulders to make it more secure, he crept towards the window. Stopped, went to the doorway to close the door as quietly as he could while listening for any indication someone was coming upstairs before going back to the window just as carefully as before. Back to the window and facing the door to watch, he began the agonizing process of opening the window. Spells and charms were out of the question at the moment, too many and the Ministry would get notified since he was still a minor, if they hadn't already with the reducing charm. Inch by inch he pried the window open. Twice he paused when a clatter sounded from downstairs followed by more yelling. Just a little more and he was ready to slip through.

Footsteps began on the stairs again. So much fucking movement going on in this stupid house today. It was too late to pretend he wasn't doing anything, he quickly slung a leg out and was just about to jump out when the door slammed open, "-fucking ridiculous! All for a goddamn parking-" Tobias had paused for a second and that second was a fucking sign Severus would spend the rest of his days praying thanks to. He didn't even think about it. He jumped out. He didn’t even land when the yelling started.

When he crashed to the ground, rolling to try and break the fall, Tobias was leaning out the window screaming at him. "YOU FUCKING BRAT! WHERE DO YOU THINK- EILEEN! EILEEN GET YOUR CHILD BACK IN THIS DAMN HOUSE!" Severus ran. He had never run so fast in his life. He didn’t even think about the direction as he tried to get away from the yelling Tobias was still doing. Taking turns down any alley he could find that led away, some of which were dead ends, he had just enough sense to try and aim for a busy street.

By the time he trusted himself to slow down despite his ragged breathing, he had reached a bus stop. He had gotten a strange look from a woman, but tried to smile to push off suspicion. "New job." He gasped out, "Didn't want to be late. Got nervous." A look of understanding flitted across her eyes as she nodded and looked away. They spent the rest of the time in silence as Severus tried to get his breathing under control again.

The bus rolled up to the stop, and Severus got on in between the people getting on and off. The fewer people to see him for long, the better. He took a seat in the very back, near the window and slid down far enough to hide until the bus started moving again. He didn't know where the bus was going, but he'd figure it out later. All he had to focus on was getting the hell away from Spinner's End. Shortly after the other passengers got settled, the bus began moving again. Severus didn't sit up straight until he had counted to 1,000 and even then he only peaked through to be absolutely sure his old neighborhood was gone. After what seemed to be an hour, he sat up completely.

What now? The hammering of his heart hadn't lessened. If anything, it picked up tremendously. Now that he was gone, where would he go? Lily lived two neighborhoods away, and he was long past them now. He looked at the sky to take note of where the sun was behind the light dusting of clouds. All it took was asking for the time from another passenger to determine they were driving south. What was in the south? London. London was South, and in London was King's Cross Station. There he could wait until it was time to head back to school, then he'd talk to Dumbledore or even Prof. McGonagall and try to find someplace else to live. Unless they contacted the Ministry and they sent him back to his parents. Tobias had beaten him before, but after this incident, Severus was sure the man wouldn't stop when blood was drawn this time.

He shook his head. One thing at a time. He would get to King's Cross, then wait for the school year to start. He'd make it. He had to.

King’s Cross Station was busy during the tourist season, if not more so than the school season. Severus watched the throngs of people weave in and out of the gates on the other side of the street. When he did this, he didn’t remember that it was June and school didn’t start for another 2 months at least. So now, here he was with only the clothes on his back and a pathetic looking bag, at a loss of what to do next. Could he get to Diagon Alley from here? He didn’t know, his mother only ever told him the quickest way was back home near the petrol station. Once he got to Diagon Alley, what then? He had no money, so he couldn’t get a room at any of the inns there. Should he message someone? Who? Headmaster Dumbledore was an iffy source after what happened last year. Professor McGonagall was livid when she found out what Black did, so she might be a good person to speak to.

He was staring into space thinking of how to get a message to her when he heard the one voice he had developed a fear for.

“Severus?” Remus Lupin, the beast of the Marauders, stood just behind him. Whipping around to face the object of his nightmares for practically the whole summer, Severus tried to hold in the flinch the wracked through his spine when they made eye contact. Those amber eyes glinted in the sunlight and he had to hold in the anxious bile that climbed up his throat. “I didn’t think you lived in London. Are you here with your parents?” The attempt to make small talk was met with a near hysterical laugh.

“Why do you care? Feeling hungry, Lupin?” He regretted the words as soon as he said them. Those eyes narrowed, and Severus looked away sharply, feeling a pit of guilt settle in his stomach.

Why should I feel guilty? He almost killed me! He should be feeling guilty!

But Lupin didn’t tell him to go to the Shrieking Shack that night, Black did.

Severus shook himself, before he tread down that path.

“We were about to go get some food at a sub shop, thanks though.” The tight smile Lupin gave him served to both piss him off and scare him. They stood there, staring at each other not knowing what to do next as the muggles maneuvered around them. Severus began thinking about his options of escape. Maybe he could tell Lupin that his parents were nearby and he had to leave. Or that he was late for an appointment. The wolf didn’t know anything about him really, so it could work. Or maybe, just maybe he could convince him that he really did live in London. Anything to get the creature away from him.

“Remus! There you are, almost lost you in the crowd, darling.” A tall, thin woman weaved out from the crowd. Her light brown hair was so similar to Lupin’s that Severus could easily deduce it was his mother. She was, admittedly, very pretty even if she looked extremely tired. A trait her son seemed to have inherited. “Who is this, dear? Another friend from school?” Severus wanted to vomit and laugh at the same time, but only swallowed while looking back to the station.

Maybe if he ran fast enough.

“This is Severus Snape, mum. He’s a friend of Lily, the girl I told you about.” Lupin told his parents about him and Lily? Or perhaps just mentioned him in passing while regaling the tales of Potter’s piss poor attempts to woo her?

“The girl from Cokes worth? Is she here as well?” Mrs. Lupin looked at him now, no doubt expecting an answer. Severus shook his head mutely. No matter what was going to happen, he wouldn’t pull Lily down with him. She didn’t deserve to stand in the muck he found himself in.

“Dear, are you alright?” Severus could barely remember when Eileen would talk to him like that. Gently, filled with concern and maternal affection. Years spent with Tobias ended up sucking out most of her life, leaving a hollowed version of the woman Severus saw in pictures.

He dared himself to look Lupins mother in the eye, to see for himself if she was asking out of social necessity, to find one more reason to just run away from the wretched conversation he found himself in. Perhaps once he saw the indifference in her eyes, his resolve would strengthen and he would bid them both a terrible day and leave to figure out his next move. He would go to a nearby park, sit and rest for a bit, and then properly plan.

When he did meet his eyes to hers, the reaction was immediate and was entirely embarrassing.

Her eyes were filled with nothing but the utmost concern for a boy she had never even met before. So much so that just looking at the raw emotion made Severus choke on a near sob. What was that? One look from a proper parent and he was a mess? He didn’t spend years perfecting indifference to avoid Tobias just to be broken by one woman’s motherly concern.

“Severus,” Mrs. Lupin lowered her voice and stepped closer, placing her hand on his shoulder as if the sight of his ratted clothes and hunched demeanor didn’t bother her. Perhaps having a werewolf for a son hardened one’s stomach for the wretched. “Severus, darling, look at me.” Her voice was a gentle command that he could not resist. Looking her in the eyes again, he saw that they had steeled into a sort of determination. Still gentle, still concerned, but hardened by some kind of resolve she now had. “Are you alright?”

“No.” He choked on that one syllable, trying not to release the cry that threatened to come out. Lupin was forgotten in the back as his mother squeezed Severus’s shoulder before looping her thin arm through Severus’s bony one.

“Let’s go, sweetheart. You must be hungry what with this summer heat. Lets go and get those sandwiches. Come on now, Remus. Let’s meet up with the others.” She led Severus down the sidewalk and away form the station. He would have watched it get smaller, if he wasn’t going into a dissociative state of mind to prevent himself from crying in this woman’s arms in front of Lupin.

The three of them walked further down the sidewalk in silence. Severus could feel Lupin glancing at him every so often, and he suddenly felt very grateful that his hair had fallen in his face.

Figures blurred passed as they weaved through afternoon traffic. Every time a passerby would get too close, Lupin or his mother would shield Severus from them, as if they were a threat to him. They still said nothing, guiding him closer to the sandwich shop. Every once in a while, Severus’s bag would slip off his shoulder, forcing them to slow down so that he could fix it. The two Lupin’s thankfully said nothing every time, just waited for it to be fixed.

One final turn and they arrived some shop where the smell of bread wafted around them. Severus didn’t have time to look to see exactly everything, only spotted a mess of dark hair before Mrs. Lupin led him towards a table and sat him down.

“Lyall, come here please. No, not you too Remus, go on with the other boys and order something.” She turned to Severus, “Honey, do you want anything to eat?” He shrugged, not knowing what she had in mind for him now that she’s used her motherly powers to effectively kidnap him. Though he did kind of ask for it by running away.

Glancing up to see a man looking between him and Mrs. Lupin with utter confusion, Severus steeled himself for quite possibly the most uncomfortable conversation he had had to date.

Chapter Text

Remus watched as his parents and James’ parents sat at a separate table with Snape, talking quietly as his mother tried to get him to eat.

He didn’t. Snape didn’t really do anything. He just stared into nothing as the adults tried to talk to him. He might have nodded, but Remus was too far away to really tell.

“Moony, for real, why is Snivellus here?” Sirius asked in between bites of his food. He and James were also watching, but the open hostility came from Sirius. Perhaps he was still mad that he got into serious trouble last year.

As he should have. A dark thought filtered through Remus’s mind. What kind of person does something like that? He shook his head, both to clear the thoughts away and to respond to the question.

“I don’t know, Sirius. I found him across the street from the Station, just looking at it.”

“He lives in Cokesworth, near Evans, right?” James inquired, sipping from his soda. Remus found himself shrugging. He didn’t know too much about Snape. He was a Slytherin, gifted in potions, and one of his friends hated him enough to try and use Remus to kill him. “Why would he be here if he lives that far north?”

“It’s not that far north, James. Just about three hours from here, give or take.” He watched Snape flinch away from his father’s hand as it reached for a napkin. The movement was also noticed by the adults who seemed to glance at one another. “Anyway, how is it at the Potter’s, Sirius? You just got settled there, right?” Remus wanted to move the conversation away from Snape. Though for what reason, he couldn’t say.

Sirius frowned a bit at the lack of nickname, but replaced it quickly with a grin. “Oh, its great. They’re so nice and the house is really homey, ya know?” He nudged James’ arm. “Plus the food is a million times better.”

“Come off it, Pads.” James laughed, finally looking away from Snape, “It’s just mum’s food.”

“Mine doesn’t cook, so as far as I’m concerned, it’s an upgrade.” They chuckled at the thought of Sirius’s mother cooking before falling quiet again. The allure of the dark boy sitting with their parents too great a distraction for small talk.

“Ugh, what a little creep.” Sirius muttered, taking another bite. James shrugged but said nothing.

Remus took in Snape’s appearance closely this time. His shirt didn’t fit right and was covered in dirt, mostly on the left shoulder as though he had landed on it recently. His trousers were torn and very old, like they were hand-me-downs. Remus was well acquainted with secondhand clothes. With his growth being faster than his mother could keep up with, he tended to just inherit his father’s clothes. But with Snape’s case, they looked really worn, as though the person he got them from didn’t care about them. His shoes were tattered to near destruction and almost seemed too small.

Remus’s eyes went back to Snape’s face. He had a hard time looking at him, ever since that night in the Shrieking Shack it had been hard to look at anyone really. But as he forced himself to really look at the boy looking at his mother, Remus saw the mark on his face.

He didn’t know if Snape knew it was there. The one thing that made his mother concerned in the first place. There was a bruise on Snape’s face, right on his cheekbone. Could he have fallen? Perhaps. But if it was just the result of a typical boy getting hurt while doing whatever it was Snape did in his free time, then why did he flinch from his father?

Lyall Lupin was tall and certainly lean in muscle. Something he had developed after years of restraining Remus when the Moon got to its fullest. But he was kind and carried himself so. He always wore knit and corduroy and spoke in a quiet voice. Yes, Lyall had a temper that could come out, but it was only when something was going to threaten his family.

When Snape flinched, Remus wasn’t the only one who caught it. His parents and the Potters did as well. He glanced at the other two to see if they caught it as well. Sirius seemed determined to only look at his lunch while James met his gaze. Before either could speak, Mrs. Potter stood up and came over to them.

“James, your father and I are going to be right back. If we aren’t back in thirty minutes, then just go with Lyall and Hope alright?” Mrs. Potter patted Sirius on the shoulder, “You too, young man. go with them and we’ll meet you at the motel.” She left after James and Sirius muttered their confirmation, her husband right behind her. The three of them looked at each other and shrugged.

“Alright boys.” Remus’s father had pulled up a chair and sat down with them. “How’s your visit been? All good?” He looked at all of them expectantly.

“Yessir,” Remus spoke, still distracted by Snape and his mother, who was now talking to him directly.

“Good, good. Is there anything you three want to do before Remus heads home tomorrow? One last summer adventure, so to speak?”

**

Severus moved some chips away as Mrs. Lupin spoke to him now that the others were gone.

“We’ll be going back to Wales after today. Bright and early in the morning. You’ll have your own room, it was the guest room, but all it needs is a personal touch. Does that sound alright?” She always asking if he was alright or if he liked the idea of something. It was strange, were Lupin's parents kind like this naturally or did they develop the skill after Lupin? How did Lupin become a werewolf? Was it recent?

Oh, she was looking at him for an answer.

“Uhm, yes. That's fine.” Severus gave a half smile that didn't even convince himself before looking away. He caught James Potter’s eyes and immediately looked somewhere else.

Salazar and fuck all. Where Potter was, Black was always trailing behind.

“Do you have anything else you wanted to pick up? Some more clothes or some books?” Mrs. Lupin spoke up again. Severus looked back at her, looking confused.

“Why would I have anything else to pick up?” Severus was going to leave right after this and try to find someplace to sleep until school starts up. If he was really lucky he would find an entrance to Diagon Alley and then loiter in the Leaky Cauldron.

“We’ll be leaving for Wales in the morning, and we don’t have too much in our neighborhood. So if there was something you wanted to get here in London, today would be the day to get it.” She looked at her watch and nodded as if pleased at the time. “Most of the shops are still open too, so there will be no rush.”

“I’ll get what I need as I need it, thank you though.” He tried not to snap, and was fairly confident he didn’t. “I’ll be here in London until school starts, so accessibility isn’t an issue.”

Mrs. Lupin looked at him for a such a long time that Severus began to fidget under her gaze. “Severus, we’re taking you home.”

Panic shot through him so quickly that a ringing had begun in his head. Did he really zone out during that decision? Is that what they adult were talking about? “Uhm, no. No. That’s fine, I’ll be- I’ll be fine.” He grabbed his bag and held it close like a life line. “Everything that I need is right here, so don’t you worry.” ”Severus I asked you if you were okay back at the station, and you told me no.” Her voice was so soft, as to not bring any attention to the two of them. “I’m not going to take you back to Cokesworth, I promise you that, but you need to be in a safe environment so that you can properly plan your next steps.”

And I would be safe in Remus’s home? “As I said before, everything I need is right here.” He shook the bag for emphasis only to stop when soft jingling was heard from inside. He and Mrs. Lupin looked at his bag, the confusion painted on her face surely matched his own. He opened his bag to peer inside. There a small pouch rested on top of his clothes with a small letter folded and tied to it. Reaching in, Severus tugged at the letter, causing the bag to open slightly.

Galleons caught the light from overhead. There wasn’t a lot, probably only 8 or 9 in total. Shillings and pounds were the rest of the contents. Spare change at the end of the day, but someone had taken the time to try and hide them underneath the Gringotts Money. Glancing at the letter for some kind of answer, Severus caught the jagged lettering of his mother’s handwriting.

He shoved the letter and coins at the bottom of his bag, not wanting to deal with whatever the letter said in the middle of the sandwich shop, in London, in front of Mrs. Lupin. Looking around pretending to be calm to perhaps fool himself in to actually feeling calm, Severus took several breaths before speaking with a shaky voice.

“What’s the weather like in Wales?”

The weather was misty, a vast difference to the sunny streets of London. No less humid, but the sun was trying its best to break through the thick blanket of clouds.

Severus stood in the doorway of a decent sized cottage with the Lupin family bustling to put away their holiday luggage. The home from what he could see was covered in memorabilia and small knickknacks that whispered of stories waiting to be told. He glanced back outside, down the front cobbled walkway and past the old wooden fence. There weren’t any neighbors in the immediate area, all of the other houses were at least a lot or two away rather than everyone being stacked on top of each other like they were in Cokesworth. There was breathing room. Something that prompted Severus into taking a deep breath himself, inhaling the damp mist that carried the scent of moss.

Looking back into the house, he saw Hope Lupin smile at him and gesture for him to come closer. He tensed, not realizing that he had been relaxed at some point. He shuffled closer, making it a point to not have any part of his body touch Remus who was hanging his coat on a coat rack made out of antique doorknobs.

“Down here is the kitchen, the boys aren’t really allowed to be in there on account that they just make a mess, but you’re welcome to it.” She led him down the hall into an eclectic looking kitchen, Pots and pans hung from racks on the ceiling next to herb bundles and woven baskets. The oven was cast iron, an observation that left him breathless. Eileen would have done anything to get an oven like the one Hope had. “Just through the doors to the left is the sitting room, Lyall is usually there after work staring at the paper.” He glanced through the doorway to said room to see soft looking couches that didn’t match in a way that was pleasing to look at as well as more knickknacks. “These are the stairs for the bedrooms up top. Downstairs is the basement, but you don’t have to worry about that room.” The spiral stairs were a sturdy iron and was littered with scuffs and dents from years of use. He looked down the stairs to see the just the outline of a door. No doubt that’s where Remus goes to shift.

“I’ll give you a tour of upstairs, that way you can put your things down. Remus, don’t go digging through the pantry I’ll be making lunch in a bit.” Severus looked over in time to see Remus closing a yellow door looking guilty. “This way, dear, and be careful as the stairs tend to be a bit steep.” He turned back to Hope to follow her.

The stairs were steep as promised, but the railing was helpful enough. At the top of the stairs was another hallway. Floral wallpaper covered the bottom half of the walls while the top was adorned with a pale green color. Three doors, all with a dark stain was all that the hallway revealed. There were less personal pictures up here, paintings had taken their place. “This door right there is Remus’s room.” She gestured to the door to his immediate left. “That room is ours.” She pointed to the closed door further down and to the right. “And this one will be yours.” She had walked to the last door and opened it for him to see inside.

The room was indeed lacking personal touches as she stated in London, but it was wrapped in warm browns and beiges making it welcoming nonetheless. The neutral tones included elements of a dark green that reminded him of the only place he had thought of as home, the Slytherin Common room. It was admittedly an odd combination, but somehow it made Severus feel welcomed and not out of place.

He was looking around when Hope spoke again, “Just needs some personal touches. We can look out for a bookshelf and a desk to put in here. Maybe some posters.” She went to the bed, smoothing a hand down the duvet. “Is that enough pillows, dear? I’m sure I have more stashed somewhere.”

Severus looked at the three very soft looking pillows artfully placed at the headboard. “I’m not sure, I’ve only had one.”

She nodded, “Well, just let me know. You go ahead and get settled, I’ll be downstairs getting lunch together.” She patted his shoulder as she passed him. He stood still even after the door had closed, waiting until he heard her footsteps go down the stairs before deflating completely.

He put his bags on the bed and sank to his knees, burying his face into the beige duvet. He just sat there, not really moving for a few minutes. He could hear the bustling downstairs through the radiator beneath the window. There was no yelling, no slamming of cabinet doors or screaming television.

It was so quiet.

**

“Remus, I need to ask you some questions about Severus.”

He had wondered when his dad would start asking about Snape. He had taken Remus, James, and Sirius to some stores and sights while his mom had taken Snape by the arm and whisked him away to the closest shopping center. The rest of that afternoon was filled with Sirius making not so subtle jabs at Snape and James wondering why the boy was in London to begin with.

“Sure thing. Though, I have admit, I don’t know too much about him other than the obvious.” He and his dad had moved form the kitchen to the sitting room. His dad sitting in his favorite spot on the loveseat while Remus took his on the longer couch.

“And what would the obvious be?”

Remus thought for a moment, picking at a loose string on the couch. “He’s the same age; in Slytherin; gets good grades in Potions, Herbology, and Defense; Lily Evans is a friend of his,” He listed the things he knew as they came to him. His dad nodded, looking thoughtful before speaking himself.

“Sirius and James don’t like him; he seems very uncomfortable near older men; he has a bruise on his face that looks suspiciously like a hand; he only has one pair of clothes and a bag.”

The more his dad spoke, the more Remus sank into the couch. He couldn’t stop the feeling that all of that was his fault. What was Snape’s home life like? Was it ruined by what happened last year? Was it always bad? Did he really run away? “I don’t know, dad. Whatever was going on at his home, I don’t know about.” He sighed heavily, “With James and Sirius, I wish I knew the exact reason why they’re antagonistic with him. He didn’t do anything to him other than get sorted into Slytherin his first year. Over the years, yeah Snape began to retaliate, but he never started anything.” His dad looked as though he wanted to say something, but Remus kept talking, “Maybe its because he was really good at Dark Arts things? James doesn’t like the Dark Arts and Sirius’s family is, well, you know. Maybe they just lashed out instinctively? I keep telling them to leave him alone, and they do for a while. They’ve really left him alone, especially after last year, but-”

“What happened last year?” The sharp edge to his father’s voice made Remus’s stomach twist violently, making him want to vomit. He tried to not reveal his feelings and simply stated, “Sirius went too far with what he thought was a prank. He got into trouble with the head master and Prof. McGonagall about it. I wasn’t really a part of the whole planning thing, so I’m not too sure what he wanted to accomplish.” Not entirely a lie. He didn’t know what Sirius was trying to do by telling Snape about the Shack. He didn’t want his parents to know that Sirius had practically used Remus to get to Snape and almost kill him.

He didn’t want his parents to start thinking they housed a true monster.

His father looked at him for a very long time, making Remus feel worse and worse, before nodding slowly. “Well, if he’s going to be here, then he’s going to be given the same amount of respect that we give everyone else, you understand?”

Remus nodded, “Yessir, I know. I don’t have a problem with him personally. In fact, I think it’s really impressive he’s so good at potions. I think he’s even editing our textbooks in his spare time.” He wanted to move this conversation somewhere else before he stumbles into uncomfortable territory.

“Well, that’s certainly impressive.” His mum came into the doorway, drying her hands. “He’s only 16 and rewriting textbooks, that’s skill there. I wonder if he’d be good help in the kitchen and garden.” She looked wistful at the thought of competent help.

Remus and his dad were absolutely useless beyond the ‘get the dish’ or ‘hand me the bread’. Not that they didn’t try. It just ended terribly every time. So they stuck to other ways to help out. Dad was great at fixing doors and appliances while Remus had a real talent for general cleaning. So while they couldn’t help with the kitchen, the Lupin household was always clean and put together.

“Well, either way, lunch is ready. Sandwiches and tea, figured it be good on our stomachs after travelling.” She turned to go back into the kitchen, “Remus, go tell Severus lunch is ready while I plate everything up.” He didn’t want to tell her that it was probably a bad idea for him to do just that, so he swallowed the anxiety and made his way upstairs.

The door to the guest bedroom was closed, and no noise came form the other side. He knocked softly and waited. When nothing happened, he knocked again. Nothing again.

“Severus? Hello?” This time, shuffling was heard through the door and the knob turned.

There was Snape, looking confused again. It was almost as if he couldn’t remember how he got here.

“Uhm, lunch is ready. Mum made sandwiches.” He sounded stupid in his own ears, but thankfully Snape just looked at him for minute before nodding. They were so close that Remus could see the red around Snape’s eyes. Either from lack of sleep, as he knew the boy had forced himself to stay awake in their London motel room, or from crying, which Remus wouldn’t be surprised even if he didn’t know exactly what was going on with Snape. He took a step back to let Snape out of the room, watching him.

What did he say? Did he say anything? Should he apologize? Try to explain? Did Snape even care to hear his apologies?

“We have a garden out back.” He blurted instead, earning him an incredulous look.

“What?”

“We- that is- mum grows her own herbs, so there’s a garden. Out back. If you’d like to see it, that is.” Remus tried his stupid attempt at conversation.

“Lupin, we’re not friends. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends, nor am I inclined to try to be friends with you. So do us both a favor and don’t try to talk to me like we’re going to be best friends by the end of summer.”

“Well, it would be pretty weird if we didn’t at least talk while we’re in the same space some of the time. Mum and dad might ask what’s going on. I think dad really wants to ask what’s going on, but I keep trying to throw him off.”

“What do you mean he wants to ask questions? Besides the obvious ‘What’s this weird kid doing in my house?’” Snape scoffed closing his door, but not making his way downstairs just yet. They stood there in the hallway facing each other, speaking in hushed tones, as if telling secrets.

“He mainly wants to ask about that bruise on your face.”

The flinch that wracked through Snape’s body was so violent, Remus heard some of his joints pop in response. “Why would he care? It’s not like it bothers his life, and he’s not the one who did it.” He tried to cover it with a hand, the discoloration was too big to hid completely.

“He might ask who did do it though.” Remus tried to keep his voice calm, to let Snape know he wasn’t pushing for information just letting Snape know what might be coming.

“It just happens sometimes. They won’t be on the Isles for much longer anyway so it doesn’t matter.”

“Sever-”

“Shut. Up. Lupin.” The tone was final and Remus didn’t want to push it. He sighed and gestured for Snape to go first down the stairs to the kitchen.

Once they reached the kitchen, it was almost like a switched had been flipped in Snape. The irritation and stress was slammed behind doors and locked, leaving a typical shy teenage boy in its wake. If Remus wasn’t watching him so closely, he would have missed it. If Remus didn’t do the same thing at school everyday, he would have missed it.

As they sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen, Remus kept looking at Snape. Watching as he performed for his parents. It was nearly flawless if he ignored the fact that his hands were trembling every time his dad got a little too close to ether pass a napkin or pick up his drink. He knew his dad picked up on it too. His whole job was to know when people were afraid and to stop what ever it was that made them scared. Granted it was mainly boggarts, but still Lyall Lupin picked up superior people observation skills over the years.

He and Remus had made eye contact at some point, and Remus knew that his father saw what he saw too. Severus Snape was masking. Hiding his emotions to please the people around him.

His mother seemed oblivious. Or she could be better at hiding her face than him and his dad. “We need to go shopping for furniture and some clothes, Lyall. I’d say give Severus your old clothes, but he’d just swim in them, you’re too big.” Snape paused in drinking his tea, his façade fracturing just a bit before he fixed it. Remus was almost expecting him to fight his mother on it, but he had remained silent. Perhaps he knew a losing battle when he saw it.

“I can take him today or tomorrow, Hope. We’ll get it sorted.” There, right there. Snape’s shoulders were starting to tense and his grip on the cup was getting tighter.

“Nonsense, you have the fashion sense of a patch of soil, all browns and patches. I’ll take him tomorrow morning. How does that sound, Severus?” Snape’s shoulders dropped slowly as he nodded. “In the mean time, you can wear Remus’s clothes. It’ll just be for tonight and the day tomorrow.”

From the look in Snape’s eyes, he was trying to convince himself that it would be alright even as he offered his mom a small smile.

Chapter Text

After washing up, trying to block out the fact that he was using Lupin’s hair products and body wash, Severus brushed his teeth using a guest toothbrush, electing to forget that it was Lupin’s toothpaste. He stared at his reflection for a while. The bruise wasn’t the worst he’d had, but it was indeed noticeable like Lupin had said, covering his left side with a yellow hue in the vague shape of a hand. Lupin had kept his word and changed the subject the moment his father tried to talk about Severus. He refused to thank the idiot out loud, but felt grateful all the same.

Other than the bruise, Severus looked…fine. He still looked haunted, with his black eyes and his mother’s nose. He didn’t look like he was dying, so he counted it as a win.

Lupin’s clothes were big on him, but he wasn’t drowning in them like Hope thought he would in Lyall’s clothes. It still felt ridiculously wrong to wear Remus Lupin’s sleeping clothes. He forced the fact out of his mind and made his way to his assigned room as quietly as he could. He didn’t know if they were still awake, and he didn’t want to run into any of them right now.

It would take some time to learn the floorboards, which ones were sturdy and which ones creaked under foot. He crept along slow enough to begin memorizing, but fast enough to make it to the room with out seeing anyone if there was a creak. Luckily, he only hit two loose boards before he got to his room.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he shut the door. He stood still for a moment longer, listening to the house settle and breathe around him. For a moment, he almost felt as though he were a part of it as he wore Lupin’s clothes. He violently closed the door in his mind at that thought.

A part of the house? Don’t be daft. He was, at best, a temporary nuisance and at worst, a new inconvenience in the Lupin life. Nothing about him would ever fit in anywhere.

Not even with Lily, but he really tried not to think about that cruel fact.

Shaking his head, he moved from the door and to the bed where his bags were left. Besides his ratted bag, Hope had purchased some things for him. Nothing ridiculous as they had to leave soon, he had a suspicion that Hope didn’t take him to any clothing shops in London because she was planning this all along.

She took him to a book shop. He got to pick out some books, journals, and she even threw in writing supplies. He had been worried about the cost, but she had told him ”That is an adult concern Severus. And while it is very responsible to be money aware at a young age, you should let me worry about the gross adult stuff while you have fun. Okay?” The way she spoke was always so gentle and never left room for argument. Looking at the books, they weren’t anything wild. No latest sci-fi, though she did point those out, not budding romance or even generalized fiction. No he had spotted a book on field plants and how to identify them. Granted they were Muggle herbs, but the book was useful all the same. He also got a book on astronomy and how it affected the cultures throughout history. He didn’t know why he picked it up other than the cover had called out to him.

The spine had been inlayed with a copper sheen on top of a deep navy blue. When he picked it up, the copper had been speckled across the face to mimic the stars in the sky. Inside was packed full of research text of the cultures across the world and how the night sky looked different for all of them and how some had based their whole religions on the shape of the stars and position of the moon.

He had been staring at it for such long time that at some point Hope had taken it from him and put it in her basket. He tried to say it was too expensive, too many numbers on the sticker had made him queasy, but she looked at him and placed the book more firmly in the basket.

She also let him get three journals. One for notes, one for personal use, and one she told him was for emergency thoughts. “For when you need to get something down on paper, but you aren’t sure its for note taking or for personal diaries.”

Severus removed the bookstore goods from their bag and placed them almost reverently on the nightstand. They were new, and therefore had to be treasured. Once he was done making sure they were in a neat stack, he turned to his other bag, the one he was avoiding on account that the letter was inside. He stared at it, perhaps if he wished for it hard enough, it would disappear.

He sat down on the bed and began to slowly pull out the bag of coins and the folded letter. Emptying the coins out first, he saw that, in all, he had 9 Galleons and about 7 pounds of change. IT was almost as if Eileen would sneak loose change she found into the bag whenever she found it. Grabbing the letter, Severus hesitated before opening it and reading the contents.

Severus,

I know that at some point, you stopped seeing me as a competent mother. I don’t know when exactly it began, but I could see that you were drifting away from us. Just as well, with how things have been as of late. I failed to stop Tobias the first time he struck you and I failed to stop every other time after. I did nothing as his biting words became screams of anger. I could do nothing as your childhood was devoid of anything that could help you forget the cruelties of your father.

He wasn’t always like that. He was charming and kind. I wouldn’t have married him if he wasn’t. Not that it matters now.

I knew you would leave the moment you could. Tried to push you in the direction, even. If you could escape Spinner’s End then you could truly do something great. Something I know that you are capable of. Tobias may not know what Hogwarts grades are like, but I do. You are an intelligent and exceedingly talented wizard, Severus. Don’t EVER let anyone tell you otherwise.

I’m sorry for not being able to do more. I know you probably won’t accept my apologies, but they are genuine all the same.

Please be safe. Eat well, better than you ever could here. Be sure to study hard. And know that no matter what happened, I never stopped loving you.

Mother

He didn’t know he was crying until his tears hit the paper. He crumpled the edges in his tight grip as he read the words over and over again.

The money isn’t a lot, I didn’t want Tobias to think I was smuggling money and then go looking for it. Some money was better than no money. That was my thinking at least. The galleons I had in my savings for a while. Where we are going, I won’t need them, so please, use them how you see fit. Either for meals for a few days or for books. They’re yours now.

Eileen knew. His mother knew that he was going to run far before he knew it himself. She had tried to prepare for it, to encourage it so that he could leave.

He balled the letter up and threw it at the wall, hoping the rising feeling of guilt would go with it. How dare she? How dare she? How could she? How could she pour what ever was left of her affection into a letter after her only child ran off from his abusive ass of a father and be okay with it? How could she have so much faith that he would be alright on his own?

He was scared! He was in a home that was filled with a type of feeling he had never known, his room next to a werewolf that wore knit sweaters and corduroy, and the two adults here were more accepting and kindhearted than any he had ever come across.

He didn’t know this world! He was expecting Lyall to just snap at something and send everyone in a spiral of misery. That he could handle. He knew what to do then. But it never happened.

This place was warm and welcoming and held love and acceptance and was quiet. Hope was so kind and gentle and just knows what he needs to hear. Lyall was quiet and observant and easy to talk to and spoke gently to his family. Remus was-

Remus was also kind. He was also quiet and mindful of the space he took up. He held himself to make himself seem smaller.

Sobs wracked his body now, but they were still silent. Severus held himself to try and ground himself, but he couldn’t stop. Once they started, the tears wouldn’t stop. Almost as if everything that had built over the years were finally releasing.

He cried for what felt like hours. Cried until he just laid there on his side, staring blankly at the wall where he had thrown the letter.

At some point, he sat himself up and walked over to pick up the balled up paper. Carefully smoothing it out, he took it to one of the journals and placed it in between the pages at he very back. As he stared at the book after he closed it, he had a thought that maybe he should try. Try to do better for himself. Maybe he could accomplish something if given the chance.

He looked out his window to the sky, and noted that the moon was going to be full in a few days before burying himself into the softest bed he’d been in and fell into a dreamless sleep.

Despite having a mental breakdown into the early morning, Severus was awake a dressed in Remus’s spare clothes by dawn. He had taken the habit of waking up early to always be aware of Tobias’s whereabouts. He waited in his room, reading the book on plants and writing down notes in between the margins with one of the fountain pens Hope purchased for him. He was waiting for the other occupants to wake and begin moving around. If he could learnt heir schedules, then he could figure out his own.

No noise came from Remus’s room next door. The wall separating them gave nothing but silence, no matter how hard Severus tried to listen. Nothing came from Hope and Lyall’s door yet either. Glancing out the window, he saw the pink hues of the sun across the sky. The clouds were scattered, but held the promise of some rain. Maybe he should get a new raincoat if it was allowed.

He had written a list in his emergency journal of the things he knew he wanted to get while he and Hope shopped today. He tried to keep it small, only asking for one pair of trousers, a couple of shirts, and one pair of shoes that actually fit. He didn’t want to ask for too much, but added what he thought would make Hope satisfied. Some extra knickknacks were added like a brush or a cheap watch. Things he knew were marginally inexpensive, but help craft the image of a normal person.

The door to the adult’s room creaked open, and someone with a light foot walked down the hall. IT was Hope Lupin. Lyall had a heavier step due to his height and Remus was almost as quiet as Severus was.

He put his book away and was thinking of a good way to make his awake state known without seeming like a bother when a knock came at his door. Moving carefully and quietly, he opened the door to see Hope, already dressed for the day looking up at him.

“Oh, good you’re awake, I was a bit worried I was going to bother you.” She was whispering, as to not wake the others. “I’m going to make some coffee and breakfast, then you and I will head to town for the stores, alright?”

Severus nodded his agreeance before looking back to his bed where he had left the journal. “I wrote down some things I could probably get.” He spoke quietly and tried to calm his nerves, “If that’s alright?” He looked back to her to see a bright smile.

“Of course, honey. Come down to the kitchen with me and we can go over it to get a good plan of action. You could even help me make breakfast.”

Thrown off by the immediate approval, Severus grabbed the journal numbly and followed her downstairs, cataloguing the loose floor boards as they walked. Once they were in the kitchen, went through the process of making coffee. He never saw a coffeemaker like the faded white one Tobias had, so watched her intently as she started pulling what she needed out.

First she out a copper kettle on the stove to boil, moving efficiently as well as telling Severus where everything was and why she was doing it. “I put the water on so that when I get everything ready, the water’s done.” She pulled out coffee grounds and measured them carefully into a small filter before placing the filter in the top of a a glass teapot.

“The glass is tempered, so it will handle the heat. Two scoops is plenty for this size, only half a scoop if its just for a single cup.” By the time she put the coffee and scoops away, the kettle began to sing. Severus almost went to grab it, but Hope had already taken a thick towel and was lifting it away from the burner. “Always use a towel for the kettle, the wood on the handle is useless in protecting your finger and that heat is no laugh, I’ll tell you.”

She carefully poured the water over the grounds in circular motions, making sure the ground rose up before pouring more.

“Why do you do that?” He asked, enraptured with the process.

“Hm? Do what, hun?”

“Pour clockwise. Does it help the brewing?” He watched as the dark liquid rose in the teapot at a steady pace.

“Oh, well, I’m not sure about it being clockwise that matters, but when you pour in a circular motion, it ensures that all of the grounds are getting wet and the brew comes out even.” Severus nodded, committing the knowledge to his memory. “You have to left the grounds bloom first though.”

“Bloom? Oh, when they rose up and you waited until they settled.” He thought it was strange that she had paused in her ritual when it happened, but now was understanding that it was the ritual.

She smiled proudly and nodded, “Yes, when the coffee blooms first, the carbon inside the bean is released and it makes for a bolder taste. The coffee comes out beautifully afterwards.”

He nodded, wishing for a moment that he had a pen to write this down in the notebook, but resigned to just remembering it for later. Once the coffee was done, she poured herself and him a cup and pulled out fixings.

“I like mine with some sugar and milk. Lyall drinks it black, if you’d believe it.” She laughed.

He tried it black to see the initial flavor. It was bitter, but almost properly so. The coffee was strong and smooth, but the earthy bitter that rested on his tongue afterwards was unpleasant. He added some milk and tried it again. Perfect.

“What about Remus? Does he drink coffee?” He was still getting used to saying Remus’s name both in his head and out loud. It wasn’t unpleasant, but still felt unnerving enough to trip his tongue every time.

“With enough honey to make a bee jealous, that boy.” Her smile was so fond that Severus had to look away or he might just cry again. They drank their coffee in the quiet as the sun began to filter through the windows above the sink. It was pretty, Severus had to admit. He felt a sense of absolute wonder as the saw the morning haze illuminate the world around the cottage, making an otherwise boring view into a scene of wonder.

“You know, don’t you?” The words cut like a knife through the serenity despite being free of convection or malice. He looked back at Hope to see her looking into her coffee cup, a sad smile on her face.

He could lie and pretend that he had no idea what she was talking about. To feign absolute cluelessness. He could, but looking at this woman he didn’t find the strength to lie.

“How old was he?” A question vague and simple enough to be nothing to an outsider, but it told her everything she needed to know. She took in a shaky breath, her smile never leaving. Severus was beginning to see that it was her way of trying to remain strong. He did the same, though his shield of choice was always quick words and the face of indifference.

“Six.”

All thoughts stopped in Severus’s mind.

Six? Remus was six years old when he became a werewolf? For 10 years he had to go through that horrible shift? The memory of bones snapping and a boy sobbing on the floor came to him.

He opened his mouth to say something, but found that no words came forth.

They sat there for a moment. Hope refilled her coffee and did the same for Severus.

“I won’t ask how you know. I can tell when Remus gets twisted with worry and guilt. He’s been a mess since school let out. He tries to hide it, but I can hear crying better than my husband can.” That information made his throat close up, but thankfully she said nothing about hearing his breaking point last night.

“I-we don’t talk about it. The situation was wrong.” He thought for a moment. “All parties were at fault. I think Remus was the only one who was truly in the dark of what happened.”

“I see.” She stood up then, slowly, and stretched. “Well, come on then. Let’s get those slackers out of bed with a delicious aroma.”

They didn’t speak anymore on the topic. Severus didn’t know if they would ever again. He hadn’t forgiven anyone on what happened, perhaps he never would. But seeing, even in a short amount of time, the kind of family the Lupins were told him enough to make the decision that Remus wasn’t inherently a bastard like Black was or even an entitled ass like Potter. He just didn’t know where that put Remus in his categories. He was beginning to become an anomaly.

He stood by what he said in the hallway though, he decided as he helped Hope cut slices of bacon. He and Remus were not going to be friends by the end of summer. They were never going to be friends.

But maybe, just maybe, he could be a little less antagonistic towards Remus. If Remus wasn’t antagonistic towards him first, that is.

He and Hope went through breakfast prep rather smoothly, each of them forming their rhythm around one another. Severus had claimed the task of portioning everything and measuring out ingredients for her to cook. In the quiet of the morning, he found that he actually might like cooking. It was like potions, for obvious reasons, but he liked the thought of combining whatever he wanted without the concern for nasty accidents looming over his shoulder.

They were just about done, Hope set the table with plates and mugs while Severus sliced some bread, when Severus became aware the weight of someone watching him. He once relaxed shoulders tensed once more and he looked behind him towards the stairs. There, looking for all the world like an idiot, was Remus. Those eyes seemed to shine like stained glass as the sunlight hit them and made Severus’s throat tighten.

He reminded himself that Remus wasn't an entirely hateful ass and forced himself to try and smile, at least in acknowledgment that the boy exists.

The response was not what Severus expected, nor was it one he was looking for.

Remus's face went from a muted tan to a bright red in the time it took to blink. The two of them looked at each other, both expressions showing confusion. When Remus said nothing, just blushed and looked almost panicked, Severus settled for rolling his eyes in exasperation and turned back to the bread.

If he was going to act like a dimwitted twit, then Severus wasn't going to bother next time.

“Remus, honey, don't just stand there. Come sit down and get a plate.” Hope bustled behind Severus, seemingly oblivious to her son’s expression. Either that or unbothered. The later seemed more likely judging by their earlier conversation.

Remus followed her instruction, this time avoiding eye contact with Severus the entire time. As the three of them sat, Hope beside beside Severus with Remus across from him, Lyall came down the stairs already dressed and looking rather defeated.

“I'm so sorry, everyone. I've been called in, there's seems to be a boggart loose in one of the villages up north. That's what the department thinks anyhow.” He grabbed the mug of coffee his wife offered as well as some toast. “Delicious, darling, as always.”

“Severus helped this morning.”

“Did he? Well, Severus this was excellent toast and coffee. Thank you kindly. Well now, gwaith da, you three.” And with that, he swept out of the house. His steps strong and purposeful, like a soldier going off to the field.

Hope and Remus called out the strange words after him and went to their food, Severus the only one at a loss of the whole encounter.

“Gwaith da, means ‘good work’. I taught Lyall Welsh when we were younger. He likes to sprinkle it in every once in a while. Makes him feel ‘cultured’, the strange man.” Hope provided after finishing her coffee. “He works in the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. He specializes in boggarts, so the department usual calls for him when they get wind of one.”

Severus nodded, satisfied with the answers and finished his own breakfast.

“Wait, mom, if he has work, then that means-” Remus looked up worried.

“Yes, darling.” Hope stood up slowly, taking her things to the sink. “You'll have to come with us today. Make sure you bundle up and bring your cane, in case you get dizzy.”

“But mom, that's too much for you to take on. What if I took Severus and you rest here?” Severus looked between the two of them. There was something else the Lupin Family, specifically Hope, was dealing with.

“Remus, I will be fine.” Her voice brokered for no argument despite never raising in volume. “The full moon is in three days, you are already showing exhaustion. I'm not going to be running a marathon, just some shopping.”

“What's wrong?” Severus all but demanded. The back and forth was getting on his nerves, and Remus was making him anxious.

“Arglwydd achub fi rhag bechgyn.” She sighed. “I have a weak constitution, and so they like to worry.”

Severus felt a pit grow in his stomach. He saw her in a different light now. Her tired expression, her slow movements, purposeful actions. She was ill and had to be careful with everything she did. He couldn't let her keep doing things for him like this.

“I know that look, young man. Stop it, both of you. I am fine. I will be fine if we take our time. Which is why we are leaving early, now go.” She looked at the both of them daring for an argument. When neither spoke, she shooed them upstairs and started cleaning.

Once they were up the stairs, Severus turned and whispered harshly, “No one told me your mother was ill! Why is she doing all of this stuff if she isn't well?”

Remus looked exasperated, “You think we make her do this? Dad had one argument with her about it and he lost almost instantly. She refuses to let anyone coddle her.” He opened the door to his room and Severus saw parts of his bed and some wall décor. “Despite her adamant attitude on the matter, she does know her limits. So we should probably dress for a long day.”

“Do you really have a cane?” Severus was already dressed and just needed his jacket.

Remus sighed, “Only when the moon gets close and I have to be active. It's just to let me lean on something when I get tired.”

“Oh, I see.” A pause. “Do you get flares?”

“Huh? Flares?” Remus tilted his head to the side. “No, not this early. Only the night before the full moon.”

“Then what happened in the kitchen?” The blush returned, and for some reason Severus felt his own face warm in response.

“I-I don't really know?” Remus looked away first. “I'm not as, uhm, extroverted as the others?”

“What does that have to do with it?”

“I don't know? I'm getting dressed.” He closed the door with some force and left Severus alone in the hallway.

“What?” He turned away, walking back downstairs. Not bothering to even wonder what was Remus’s problem, he walked back into the kitchen. Hope was finishing up.

“Do you have your list or your jacket?” She inquired as she put her towel down and brushed a stray hair from her eyes.

“Yes, the jacket is hanging in the entryway. Lu-Remus is getting dressed now.” He grabbed his journal from his pocket, “And the list is here.”

“Good, good. We’ll get our jackets. Remus should be done by then. Once he’s awake, the boy doesn’t really dally.”

Sure enough, by the time Severus had pulled on his tattered sneakers and shrugged on his coat, Remus was walking into the entryway, completely dressed and ready to go. His button down was a cream that softened the sharp color of his eyes. Something that made Severus wonder if the clothing choice was for that reason. Tucked in his arm was his supposed cane. It was made entirely of a dark wood and had swirling carvings etched into the grain. It was very nice, Severus had to admit. Very classy in its own rustic way.

“Alright, boys. You’ve got your cane, I’ve got mine. Severus you have your list, and I have the keys. Let’s go shopping!” And with that Hope led the two of them out the house and to the bus stop for town.

Chapter Text

Severus should have known that he wouldn’t have gotten away with his minimal list of things with Hope in charge of the shopping. She had taken one glance over, nodded, and herded both him and Rems towards the first clothes shop that came into view. It was of more modern tastes rather than the plain clothes he had been given to borrow.

“Anything here? They have a sale going on where you can get three shirts for the price of two. Not a bad deal, really.” She browsed through some shirts as Severus and Remus both looked around.

The two of them, Severus noticed, looked a bit out of place in this store. Both in button downs and corduroy amidst the art printed shirts and fad worker pants. He wanted to tell her that he wasn’t really enthused about the kind of clothes this store had to offer, but wasn’t sure how to avoid sounding entitled or ungrateful.

“Hm, nothing here looks like it would fit right. Do you see anything here you would like, Severus?” Hope was looking disappointed at the rack of shirts she had finished riffling through before looking to him. Her disappointment faded away to curiosity when she made eye contact with him. He found himself shaking his head.

“No, it’s…ah, too loud?” He looked around to try and find the correct words. “The colors are, uhm, too much.” His voice turned quiet, the feeling of being a bother yet again boiling in his stomach.

Remus stepped closer to his side and leaned on his cane too make himself smaller, “Perhaps we can go to the store I get my clothes at? I like that one, they have soft knit and a variety of colors aside form browns.” His voice was crackling as he addressed Severus and his mother, like the turning of old parchment. Severus felt his anxiety settle just a little bit.

“Good idea, honey. I think the more academic look is best for Severus now that I’m seeing what the other options are. How does that sound?” He found himself nodding even before she finished speaking. She smiled softly, “Let’s go then.”

They walked further down the strip, taking their time with Hope pointing out the different shops and sights they passed. As she spotted a small café, Severus caught sight of a book store. It was a drab looking shop, but the door was open to invite the summer air and he could see from where he stood that it was nearly bursting with books, both new and used.

Perhaps he could ask if they could at least look around when they were done.

They reached the clothes store shortly after. The vintage building seemed to compliment the mannequins posed in the large bay window at the front. They were dressed as though they belonged in an old library or even the courtyards of Cambridge. Plaid trousers, button downs, and knit vests promised comfort and beckoned them inside.

The interior was just as vintage as the exterior. The hardwood floors were once a deep brown, but the years of traffic had worn away the stain. The brick walls held aloft the different shirts, vests, sweaters, and blazers while shelves place here and there held the trousers. At the end was a counter with an elderly man standing behind it.

He was stooped, and dressed in the very clothes he sold in varying gradients of what could only be described as autumn yellow. He sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing the age spots on his thin arms. A measuring tape lay upon his shoulders like a thin scarf, and , as they got closer to him, Severus noticed he had a very worn notebook in a breast pocket. He looked completely at home and strangely very happy to see them.

“Hope and Remus, how are you two? Are you well?” He moved away from behind the counter and took Hope in a hug she readily returned. “Where is young Lyall?” His grey eyes crinkled in mirth.

“Lyall had to go to work this morning. We’re both well as can be in this weather, Olly. How have you been keeping? Still walking in the evenings?” She held the man’s hands as they parted, and Severus, feeling out of place, tried to shuffle behind Remus.

“Yes, yes. It’s the perfect time for walking, I say. Now then, who have you brought, and how can I help?” His eyes slide over and locked onto Severus with a focus that made him flinch. Remus slid almost effortlessly in between them, blocking Severus with his taller frame. It should have irked him, but he wasn’t used to any form of attention that wasn’t outrightly hostile so having a break from it was almost always welcome.

“We need some new clothes for my friend, Severus.” Remus spoke easily, “He’s looking to find good quality clothes for the future, and so we brought him here.” No mention of his depressing circumstances made Severus relax. Instead Remus’s crackling voice coaxed him to face the old man.

Olly nodded, grey eyes looking Severus up and down, assessing. He tried to tell himself that it was the man’s job. That he didn’t want to pick apart all of his flaws and throw them at his face. It worked for a little while, and he managed to not start shaking. A small victory considering his heart was acting like it was going into cardiac arrest.

“Very well, very well.” Olly murmured, “What are we thinking of getting?” He looked at Severus for the answer, so he pulled out his list for him to look over, not trusting his tongue to form words. Olly looked it over and nodded again. “Good, good. Come over here, young sir. We’ll get you measured and start going through the palettes.”

He began to usher Severus away from the other two towards the fitting corner. Panic must have leaked out on his face because some one spoke up. “May I join you?” Remus was already walking towards them.

“Of course! Take him over there and I’ll grab my pen. Blasted thing left my pocket again.” Olly pointed towards the mirrors as he went back to the counter.

Severus and Remus waited for him, Remus sitting on the guest couch as Severus stood there stiffly. They watched Olly shuffle things around, trying to locate the pen Severus could see resting behind his ear.

“What are you doing?” The question came out before he could think better of it. It made Remus’s gaze turn to him, the amber mimicking the color off caramel.

“What do you mean?”

“You. We are not friends, Remus. I can pretend well enough for the sake of your parents, but why are you acting like we’ve been friends for years in public? Not just here either. You did this at the other store too.” He met his gaze harshly as he tried to keep his voice down. He watched as Remus took in all of Severus’s image. Those eyes moving up and down on his person.

It made his skin burn and itch. He hated it.

“You’re wearing my clothes, Severus.” He murmured shortly.

“What does that have to do with it?” Once again Remus was making no sense and it was starting piss Severus off. “This morning in the kitchen and now this. Talk normally for once and not in little riddles that you find entertaining, Lupin.”

His voice was still quiet, but Olly was coming back now, taking his time as he pulled out the worn notebook and flipped through the pages. Severus didn’t notice Remus stand and step closer until they were almost toe to toe. He had to tilt his head a hair to look Remus in the eyes.

“You’re wearing a werewolf’s clothes and are living in it’s home.” A strong pause as Severus began to understand. “You smell like home, so it needs to protect it’s home.”

Olly came back and began speaking, but Severus couldn’t hear any words. Just stared dumbfounded at Remus who went to sit back down, looking all the world as though he didn’t just tell him that he was scent marked by a werewolf. Even if it was due to circumstance and not on purpose, Severus couldn’t help but want to scrub his skin raw to get whatever it was Remus was smelling off.

He was measured and moved, but he felt numb, mind whirling through what he knew about werewolves. He hadn’t looked through the chapter ever since the incident, so the knowledge was hazy at best. He couldn’t remember anything about territory or even marking. Just how long werewolf teeth were when they get close to your-

*

A violent flinch shook his whole body, and he pulled himself inward as he tried to block away the memory he almost managed to forget. He took deep breaths to avoid a panic attack he could feel forming.

He could feel Remus getting closer as well as Olly, both probably trying to figure out what happened. Severus was going to snap at the fucking animal pretending to be a teenage boy for getting close to him. For doing this to him.

But Olly got to him first.

He knelt down to Severus’s level on the floor, holding out his hands but never touching him. He might have been saying something, but all Severus could hear was the roaring in his head. He stared at those hands, unblinking.

Amidst the memory of pale moonlight and a boy screaming, he thought to himself that those hands were that of a worker. Hands that have never really known luxury. He traced the life lines with his eyes, trying to remember what they mean. He could never remember much of Divination. I think that line means happiness? Or perhaps fulfillment?

*

That was when he looked up to the old man’s face. Those eyes, now looking at him, were surrounded by laugh lines. Olly had been happy for a very long time.

“Are you going to be alright, young sir?”

“Everyone asks me that but I never know how they mean.” His voice was monotonous, trying to focus away from the incident and just on Olly. “How am I supposed to answer when I never know which right they're talking about?” He let Olly help him stand, though he couldn't remember how he ended up completely on the floor. “I- I'm sorry. We're supposed to be getting clothes. I'm being a bother again.”

Olly brushed him off in silence and started to measure his arms again. He would write down the numbers and hum, leaving Severus to wallow inside himself. Avoiding eye contact with the man, Severus noticed that Remus was no where to be seen. He was guided to a small end table with a binder, Olly’s movements becoming slow and purposeful. He was afraid that he was becoming tired, much like Hope, but the old man merely showed him the binder.

Inside were different cut outs of fabric, all in different colors. He touched them, feeling the tweed and linen beneath his fingers. It was then that Olly spoke.

“When I was a younger man, I would have dreadful memories come to me with no warning.” He voice was soft as he flipped through the pages. Some times taking one out to hold up next to Severus. “A simple act or a mere word would bring them, and all I could do was hope that they would go away fast enough. I didn't want to face them, they were so awful to have.”

He set aside the colors he seemed to approve of next to him, before putting then in a pattern only he knew.

“What happened?” Severus had whispered the question. What happened to this man, covered in memories of laughter, to warrant such an admission?

“My father,” Olly sighed as he finished and led him to the clothes displayed, “had a very firm hand and even firmer ideals. Ones that he, well, insisted that my mother and I follow to the letter. To not meet such ideals was to go against him. Oh, it was a dreadful experience. Sometimes I cannot remember if I was happy in my youth.”

He took down button downs and vests to hand to Severus who held them shaking.

“H-how..?” How did he leave? How did he move on? How did he survive?

“When people find out that you have had a dreadful youth, they want to apologize. To fix it. But, see here my boy, they cannot fix it.” He moved over to the trousers, Severus following blindly. “They cannot change what happened nor can they help you pretend nothing happened. When I left, ran away you see to start working, every one who found out wanted to try and heal a wound they never caused. To try and make up for things that I missed. It was nice, at first very thoughtful, but over time I realized I didn't want missed memories or apologies from them.” He stopped and sighed again. Severus waited for him, holding his breath. Everything was true. Just like him.

“What did you want?”

Olly smiled in a rueful manner. “I wanted someone to listen to me and not offer any solutions. I wanted them to just listen and say that I didn't deserve it. Because even though I would repeat those words in my head everyday, I needed to hear them from someone else so that they could echo in my heart. But more than anything I wanted an apology from the one who hurt me the most.”

Severus clutched the clothes close to his chest, trying not to cry even though his throat burned with the effort. “They won't. He's not even here anymore. He won't ever apologize.”

“Mine never did either. But I always made sure after that, that anyone who hurt me in anyway, apologized to me.”

“It should never have happened! He knew that and yet-” Severus wasn't sure who he was talking about. Tobias, Sirius, James, or even Remus. They all hurt him. They made him afraid to even talk much less look in the wrong direction. They made him pretend for all of the other people around.

They kept hurting him, and no one was telling them to stop.

“Have any of them apologized?” Olly asked quietly.

“No. None of them. And no one tells them to, and they never listen.”

“Has any of them tried and were you willing to listen? Were you ready to listen?”

What? “It's my fault? My fault that they never apologized?” How does that-

“No.” Olly’s voice was strict, much like Hope’s when she snapped in the kitchen. “No it is never your fault when you have been hurt. I only ask because you control when the apology happens.”

Severus swallowed thickly, and Olly led him back to the fitting rooms.

“How do…I control that? They’re the ones who say it, not me.”

“You tell them when you are willing to listen. It is harder to do then it sounds. Sometimes they will want to get it over and done with, but it is always the most inopportune times. Stand your ground and tell them when you are willing to listen. And always remember, my boy,” he looked Severus in the eye, his expression serious, “you do not have to accept an apology. You can acknowledge one, but you never have to accept one.”

Chapter Text

When Olly was finished, Severus had 5 new outfits all in rich browns and lush greens. Some trousers were plaid and some a solid color. All of his vests and sweaters were a very soft wool that left his heart feeling light. He even had a new coat and shoes.

He tried to protest when Hope started to pay, but was silenced by both her and Olly’s looks. Holding his bags with his news clothes, they bid Olly goodbye and walked outside were Severus finally saw Remus. He was sitting on the curb, head tucked into his arms. He seemed so small like that, but at the sound of he and Hope coming closer, he unfolded himself to look up at them.

His eyes were red.

“Ready to go?” He asked, his voice thick and losing some of its crackle. Hope led them both down more stores. Some of them were for tourists, others simple home good stores. She purchased other things and Severus and Remus both held the bags of every purchase.

When it became noon, they stopped at the café they had passed by that morning and got lunch. Hope just getting tea while Remus received a sandwich and coffee. Severus had ordered the same, at a loss and feeling the need to just hurry at the register. The coffee was rich with chocolate, something Severus didn't find too unpleasant.

As they sat there, Hope seeming to find comfort in sitting, they watched the people walk by and silence washed over them.

At some point Severus stopped watching the people outside and watched Remus and Hope.

Hope was sitting with her eyes closed, some dark circles had begun to creep beneath them. While her breathing was even, they were deep almost as of she was centering herself.

Remus was staring blankly at the glass instead of the people. He was also shaking lightly, using the cup to hold himself together.

Severus imagined he didn't look much better. What a sight they all made. An exhausted adult with two mental wrecks for teenagers. As if puberty wasn't bad enough. Severus breathed a depreciating chuckle causing Remus to glance his way. He shook his head, not finding the need to explain himself.

“Is there anywhere else we want to visit before heading back? I’ll have Lyall look for furniture tomorrow if he doesn't work.” Hope opened her eyes slowly, and Severus was loathe to ask. But he had given himself a task that morning, and he wanted to complete it.

“Would it be alright if we visited the bookstore next door?” Severus had two books he wanted to look for and if they didn't have them, then he would just have to wait until they went out next to look for them again.

“Of course, hun. I'll be waiting right here, so you and Remus go ahead. Here's this.” She handed Remus her purse “You can get two books each, I might have gotten excited at the last store with those wind chimes.” She smile almost bashfully.

The two of them nodded and stood to leave. Remus had to to use his cane to get up, and Severus could hear his joints crack. They walked over next door and the smell of books welcomed them both. Remus seemed to be at a loss of where to go, so Severus led the way to the counter, forcing himself to go slow for him.

He was still angry at Remus for so many things, but he tried not to be a monster to him.

“Excuse me,” he asked the clerk, a middle aged woman with frizzy hair, “where are your kitchen books and holistic herbal recipes?”

She looked at the two of them before pointing them in the right direction. Severus thanked her and resisted the urge to drag Remus away. Upon reaching the first section, Severus skimmed the titles of cook book recipes and looked over prices. He flipped through the ones the met his criteria of simple and cheap, narrowing them down until he found one at he liked the most.

“What are you looking for?” Remus’s voice was quiet in the shelves, the crackle had returned.

“I refuse to stay in your house and force your mother to cook for me while she is ill. I'm looking for recipes I can do so that I can take over cooking at least one meal while I'm leeching off of your family.” He cut off any remark Remus might have made by snapping the chosen book closed.

He led them to the next section. Here was the real challenge. He did the same process, narrowing down his options by price and then seeing if the contents met his expectations.

“And these?” Remus leaned against the shelf next to Severus, keeping his distance but staying close enough to whisper.

“Personal study.” He murmured, looking through one in particular. It looked promising, and all of the recipes were doable. He was falling into the recipes and measurements when he heard a deep sigh.

“Severus, I-,” another sigh, “I need to apolo-”

“No.” He shut his book harshly, not looking at Remus.

“Severus please, just hear me out.” The time was pleading, but Olly’s words echoed in his mind as fresh as they were. Almost as if the man were there with them.

“I said no.” Severus strived to keep his voice quiet even as it shook. He risked a look at Remus who seemed to be ripping himself apart internally, eyes getting red. He swallowed the anxiety in his throat and repeated what Olly had told him. “I’m not ready to listen to you right now. I was hurt, and a lot of people did it. Not just you. So I'm not ready to listen to anyone's apologies or even their excuses.” He clutched his books tight, hoping the words would be enough. Olly was right about it being hard. He was shaking with the anxiety that Remus would just accept what he said.

They stood there in silence again, not looking at each other, with all of the muggle herbal books keeping their argument a secret. Remus took one more breath before speaking again.

“Alright, I…I understand.” He swallowed, “Will you please tell me when you are? Ready to hear me, that is.”

Severus thought over it. Would he ever be ready to hear Remus? You can acknowledge an apology, you don't have to accept one. It was horrible to think about even receiving one right now, but he nodded. He didn't tell Remus it might be until the two of them are nearly dead with age or never in that fact, but the gesture made Remus’s shoulders relax. Which in turn, made Severus’s relax.

“Do you want any books, or are we done here?” He wanted to leave, but Hope said they could both get something.

“Ah, no. I'll be alright for now. We can go.”

After checking out, they started to head back to the café when Remus had asked him a question. “Do you like them? Your new clothes?” It sounded genuine enough, so Severus gave it genuine thought, pausing in front of the café window.

“I’ve never had clothes like these before. But,” he thought about Olly. How the man was just like him, and how he took so much care when picking everything out just for him. “But I feel like I will like them a great deal.” He looked Remus in the eyes for the first time since Olly’s and saw a smile that burned at his ribs.

“Good. I'm glad. Olly always picks out the best clothes, he has a gift for it.” He went and opened the door for Severus, who walked past without flinching. A victory.

“Yes,” he couldn't help but whisper, “yes he does.”

They went to their table, where Hope still sat. She looked better, dark circles lessened and her eyes were more awake. When she saw the two of them, a smile was already on her face. Severus would have said it was conspiratorial, but just smiled back hesitantly.

“Ready to go boys?” They nodded. Remus tried to pick up some bags, but Severus grabbed them all first. The glare he sent his way silenced any protests. They were mostly his purchases anyway, it was only right he carry them.

Once they arrived back at the cottage, Hope went around and put the wind chimes she bought outside in the back, humming all the while. Remus said he had to lay down for a moment and had vanished in his room. Leaving Severus to his own devices. Which was odd, but was slowly becoming a rather normal experience. He took all of his clothes upstairs and laid them out on his bed looking at all of his options.

Olly had given him cream colored button downs, two of them long sleeved and two short sleeved. No matter what he paired them with, they looked perfect. Two vests, one the lush green and the other a deep brown, paired wonderfully with all three of his trousers. Two a solid color of brown and grey, and one that had a plaid pattern of varying shades of brown.

Severus had wondered if Olly knew he didn't pair well with bright colors like blue or red. Like Remus had said, he had a gift. He changed into one of his new outfits, skin tingling at the feel of brand new fabric. It made his neck shiver, but he forced himself to keep it on and just appreciate that these were for him. He looked at his sneakers and then over at his new shoes. Hope had insisted on Oxfords and Olly had agreed enthusiastically. The sneakers were off without a second thought and the new shoes replaced them.

Turning to look himself in the mirror, Severus felt lightheaded and was shaking a bit, but he looked….new. As if maybe, just maybe, his life wasn’t a mess right now.

He liked it. Despite the rolling in his stomach.

Chapter Text

It had been two weeks since she had last heard or seen from Sev, and Lily was just about ready to scream with worry. She had always listened to him when he told her to never go to his house. “It's not very exciting, and my parents aren't really big on company.” She never asked why he would show up to the park sometimes bruised. She only asked once, they were 12 and he had brushed her off easily. “Lily, show me one boy who doesn't have bruises or scrapes. It’s nothing to worry about.” But she did worry. All the time. She saw how Sev would tremble sometimes; saw how when she moved to fast towards him, he flinched. And now he wasn't showing up at the park or even trying to leave a message if they just missed each other.

Petunia had gotten bored of teasing her about missing “That awful Snape boy.” only just a few days after she began to suspect something was amiss. Sometimes Sev’s dad wouldn't let him leave the house, but never this long. He also couldn't afford an owl or a phone otherwise Lily would have messaged him by now. She was imagining all of the worst scenarios at her dining table when she over heard her parents talking.

“Well, apparently something is getting built up where Spinners End is now. Eleanor said that whole neighborhood is getting demolished here soon.” Her mother mentioned quite casually as if she hadn't given Lily some extremely important information on her best friend.

“Hm, wonder what they're building? What did they do about the residents? Surely they had to have given them someplace else to live?” Her father flipped through the newspaper, and Lily scrambled to get to the kitchen. Her mother was preparing dinner, moving vegetables from the cutting board to a pan when she looked confusedly at Lily.

“Spinners End is gone? Or, or will be?” she was given an admonishing look for interrupting, but she ignored it in favor of looking pleadingly at her mother. Luckily, her mother only tutted and moved on the answer her question.

“Well, that's the news anyway. Why the interest?”

Tuney came in the kitchen then and grabbed some juice, “She meets that weird boy that lives there. Guess you won't be seeing him ever again.” She sneered.

“Oh, Tuney, don't be like that! Sev would have said something, or at least given some kind of message if he was leaving!” Would he still be going to Hogwarts? What if he was moving out of the Isles? Who else was going to tease Potter and Black with her? Who was going to copy her Charms homework? Who was going to tell her all about the latest potions experiment he was doing?

“Maybe he didn't have time, sweetie. Eleanor said it was all rather sudden.” Her mother tried to reassure her, but Lily could already feel the tears on her cheeks.

“Why wouldn't he say anything?” She whispered wetly before running up to her room. She closed the door and threw herself onto her bed, trying to stifle her sobs. It seemed rather selfish to cry about it, but it hurt her a lot that Sev just left without a word. Hopefully she would see him at Hogwarts, but how could she be sure? How could she know where he was or where he was going to be forever now?

She cried some more into her pillow.

It was evening when her parents called her down from her room for dinner. She rubbed at her face, long dry but no less gross. Taking the time to wash her face, Lily went downstairs feeling a little better after crying but no less sullen.

She sat there, picking through the food her mother had made, half listening to the talk around the table. Apparently Tuney started seeing some boy from her school, Victor or something like that. She was asking if they could spend sometime together tomorrow. Her father seemed apprehensive, but her mother readily agreed.

“It’s good to have fun in the summer! Where will you be going Petunia?”

“He wanted to go get lunch in one of the eateries in town. Vernon says that there’s one that serves the best panini’s, but if I wanted to go get pasta instead there was a small restaurant that serves great carbonara.” She went on about how some of her classmates either agreed or if their boyfriends took them places. Lily continued to push around her roasted potatoes.

Eventually the topic shifted to her, “What about you Lily, dear? Any boys you like?”

She paused in her plate rearranging, thinking for a bit. Severus was the only boy she really hung out with. She liked him plenty, but she didn’t want to date him. He was like that one person she could tell anything and he would accept her every time. There was something about him that just radiated warmth and safety, even if his color palette was practically nonexistent. It was like despite being swathed in a sick grey, he held a brightness around her. She shrugged after some thought. “Dunno, haven’t really looked.”

Her mother hummed, “Well, there was that boy, Stephen?”

“Severus. We’re not like that, mum, just friends.” Did Severus even like her like that? The thought wasn’t off putting, just odd. Not that it mattered. She thought. He was gone, and she had no way of finding out where he could have moved to.

“Well, what about boys in your school? They have Houses, right? Any one there you think is cute?”

The image of messy black hair and mischievous eyes flashed in her mind before she shook her head. James Potter was the most annoying, foolish, and mean boy she had ever met. Well, Sirius Black was all of that too, but James always found her and tried to talk to her. If he fixed his attitude, she wouldn’t mind talking to him more. But he and his friends always pulled horrible pranks on Sev.

Not that Sev never retaliated. She remembered the jinx he sent Sirius’s way one year. The fool had been limping for days afterwards.

“None worth my time at the moment.” She replied, trying to ignore the giddiness her heart felt when thinking more of James. She could have a crush just fine, but she refused to chase it with a jerk.

“That’s a good girl.” Her father muttered, taking a bite. “Boys are foolish, anyhow.”

“But dad, you were a boy.” Tuney spoke up. It made everyone, Lily included, laugh a bit.

“True enough, my flowers. But still, boys always tease who they like. They aren’t taught any different, you see. And when they have a girl they like, they tell everyone who knows her to leave her alone and it’s just a hassle.”

An idea began to form in her head. James liked her. That much was obvious even without her father saying something. And he always thought she and Sev had something going on, practically accused Sev of it constantly. Perhaps if she played her cards right….

“What about girls then, mom?” She asked, if only to keep the conversation going. “What do girls usually do if they like someone?” It made her mother pause as she thought it over.

“Well, I suppose my friends and I always tried to talk about things the boys liked. Ask them questions and such. Not that they had anything terribly exciting to say most of the time.” A wistful look came across her mother’s face as her father seemed to be realizing something just then.

James liked Quidditch. He liked Quidditch and was great at Defense Against the Dark Arts.

They ate some more, her parents going back and forth about neighborhood gossip, with Tuney chiming in every so often. Lily kept quiet and she started to eat, a plan coming together slowly. After dinner, she helped her mother clean up and put away any leftovers. Her mother spoke up again as they wiped down the counters.

“Maybe he’ll phone or send a letter once he’s settled in his new home, Lily.”

“Huh? What was that?”

“Severus. Maybe they’re busy with the move and he hasn’t had the time to call or write. Moving a whole house gets rather busy, you know.” She dried off her hands and looked back to Lily. “Don’t worry, dear. If you two are close friends, then surely he’ll reach out.”

She smiled, her mother’s words actually making her feel better. “You’re right, I was just shocked is all. It….it hurt that he left without saying anything, but I’m sure he would have said something if he could.” Her mother smiled back and shooed her out of the kitchen.

Walking into the sitting room, Lily found her father. “Dad?”

“Yes, Lils?”

“Do boys talk to people they think are rivals too?”

He could hardly believe his eyes when the owl brought the letter. James sat there at the breakfast table in shock, staring at the unopened envelope until his mum told him to open it.

Lily Evans had written him a letter. It was addressed to him and only him. Almost reverently, he opened the envelope taking care not to rip anything. Pulling the paper out, he began to read the looping script.

Dear James,

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for always brushing you off. I’m not really used to boys really wanting to talk to me. Well, Severus talks to me, but we’re neighbors and have been friends for forever, so I guess he doesn’t count.

I was wondering what you were doing for the rest of the summer, and if you and I could talk some more? Are you practicing for Quidditch try outs? Do you have to since you’re the Captain?

Anyway, write me back! Or call me, if you have a phone. A phone is faster, but I don’t mind writing.

Sincerely,

Lily

She had written down a series of numbers beneath her name with a small note saying that it was her phone number. James knew about phones, but he knew that his parents didn’t own one. She also mentioned that Snape didn’t count as a boy in her eyes! Maybe Snivellus never had a chance to begin with!

He was so elated that his feet began bouncing wildly.

“What’s got you so happy?” Sirius asked after taking a drink. He had a catalogue of flats open in front of him. Some of them were crossed out while others had notes written beside them.

“Evans sent me a letter.” He preened, “Hey, mum, do we have a phone?” He got up from the table, ignoring the look on Sirius’s face.

“No James, we don’t. We’ve always sent letters, you know that.” His mum was knitting in the sitting room, but had paused when he came in, holding the letter to his chest like a lifeline. “Why the interest?”

“Well, you see,” He showed her his prize, “I have a classmate who is from a muggle family, and she said that I could call her using a phone as it would be faster to talk.” He tried not to bounce as she read the letter slowly. The look she gave him was almost calculating.

“James, do you know how to use a phone?” She asked, her tone the same as it always was when she knew something he didn’t. Usually when he was about to get in trouble.

“Well, no. But it can’t be too hard to figure out, right? They come with instructions, don’t they?” He pulled the best pleading look he could. He could just write to Lily and say he didn’t have a phone, but he liked talking to her. Even if most of her responses to him so far were for him to knock it off and that he should be worrying about his grades and not what she and Snape are doing.

His mother pinned him with another long look. The older he got the harder it was to convince them he wanted something bad enough. They watched each other for a while longer as Sirius joined them, catalogue rolled up and tapping his shoulder.

“What’s this about a phone? Why do you want a phone, Prongs? Just send a letter. Owls are pretty fast as it is.” Sirius had a point, but the idea of actually talking to Lily and hearing her made James’ chest tight. He looked at his best friend with exasperation.

“I know that, but I want to talk to her. And now that I know its an option, I would like to try it.” He turned back to his mom, “Please? I’ll take care of it.”

She said nothing as she looked back to the letter. Her face had some wry amusement on it, but she handed it back to him, “I’ll ask you father and see what he says. Until then, you’ll have to write to her.” It would have to do, and hopefully his dad would agree to get a phone and he could talk to Lily next time.

“Thank you, mom.” He grinned at Sirius who stuck his tongue out. “Help me write this out, Pads.” He grabbed his wrist and led them to his room. Once inside, he sat down at his desk and pulled out the parchment he usually kept for Prof. McGonagall’s essays. Sirius threw himself down onto his bed with a huff and opened the catalogue again.

“Why is she messaging you now of all times?”

“Maybe she’s finally realized how great I am now the Snape isn’t there to bother her.” James shrugged as he began drafting his response. Dear Evans, He scratched that out. Lily. Yes, that was better. Should he say that his summer was boring without her in it? Was that too much?

“Exactly my point, Prongs. Snivellus isn’t around and all of a sudden she talking to you. You don’t find that odd?”

“I don’t know, Padfoot. All I know is that I might have a chance, and I’m going for it.”

Drafting the letter was a lot of back and forth with Sirius and rejected scraps. By the end of it, James had composed a good two feet of a letter to send to Lily filled with news on his summer and the promise to try and get a phone. He didn’t mention seeing Snape in London, seeing as this letter was between him and Lily.

He was half tempted to let his mother read it to make sure it was nice, but decided against it to avoid the embarrassing conversation that would lead to. Tying the letter to the family owl, he sent it off with high hopes and a high heart.

This next year was going to be different. He just knew it.

The letter she received from one James Potter was the most boring textbook letter she could have received in the entirety of her life. Lily drudged over all two feet (2 feet of a letter, was he joking?) to see if there was something she could latch onto and ride in her quest for information. So far it was nothing but antics with the other two boys he hung out with and Quidditch with even more Quidditch.

Lily didn’t mind Quidditch. She liked attending the matches just like everyone else, but Potter took it to a whole new level. He reminded her of some muggle men she saw in the neighborhood trying to impress the older girls with their vast amounts of useless car knowledge. The only thing she could even think of talking about that wouldn’t make her brain melt was either talking about Remus or the fact that James’s father got interviewed for the Daily Prophet over a potion he made.

She didn’t really care about learning more about Sirius Black if she was being honest. Sure he was good looking in that rugged bad boy way, but he was a down right ass. Remus Lupin was the quiet friend in the trio. That and he was on consideration for Prefect, like her.

To hell with it.

She would write about both. Better to cast both out and see which one James latched on to. Hopefully his parents would say yes to the phone and they could just talk. She had a feeling she could navigate the conversations better that way.

She sent off the Potter owl after she added all of her little lures to the envelope. A flower sticker here, a small doodle next to her signature there. All signs of a whimsical girl talking to a dreamy boy. Luckily, James Potter wasn’t brightest light on the block. Intelligent? Yes. Bright? Not a chance.

She wrote back! Oh Merlin and Godric, she wrote back.

Mostly asking questions about his father’s work and Remus of all people, but James didn’t even mind it. He saved the latest letter with the other one in his desk drawer.

In the next reply he would send her would include his newest phone number. He wanted to call her immediately, but his mother said that it might be rude if he didn’t let her know he got one first.

After sending his owl with a shorter message, James waited by the phone for days. Every time he had to walk away from it, he would ask if it rang when he returned.

“No dear, nothing yet.”

“It is plugged in, right? We did that correctly?”

“Yes James, we did. Don’t worry, her parent might have her busy or she may have friends over.”

Not Snape, though. A little voice whispered triumphantly. A fleeting thought of what the git was doing with Remus’s family passed through his mind.

And then the phone rang.

Lily grinned like a cat who had cornered her prey when she heard the breathless voice of James Potter on the second ring.

“Yes, hullo? This is the Potter residence.” It sounded rehearsed and it was pretty endearing if she admitted it.

“Hi, this is Lily Evans. Can I talk to James, please?” She made sure to lilt his name just right.

“Oh, uh. This is James. Uhm, hi Lily.”

Hook. Line.

“Oh that’s great! I’ve been wanting to actually talk to you. I’ve been really excited ever since you said you were getting a phone. Now we can talk whenever we want.”

And when she listened to the nervous reply, she knew she had him.

And sinker.

Chapter Text

In the span of the next two weeks that Severus had been living with the Lupins, he learned a lot about the family as a whole. What they like to do on quiet days, how they move about the house, even their routines.

Hope woke first (he tended to wake up with her and they would cook together), then Remus would shuffle downstairs followed by Lyall shortly afterwards. More often than not, Lyall would run off to the Ministry for work after breakfast and be gone until just before dinner. The time in between breakfast and lunch was reserved for garden work and chores since the sun wasn’t too high and the heat had not settle yet. Then Hope and Severus would trade cooking lunch every other day. Then they would all either read or go to their rooms until it was time for Lyall to return signaling that it was time to prepare dinner.

It was an easy system to memorize so far as Severus was concerned.

He even found out how they handled the full moon shortly after their shopping trip. The night before consisted of Lyall taking things down to the basement for comfort. Blankets, pillows, even water and food went to the mysterious basement room. As soon as it was deemed ready by both parents, the rest of the day of the full moon consisted of Hope making a stockpile of broths and pain relievers for the days to come after the change.

Severus watched all of it quietly. Helping with the broths and making sure the water Lyall needed was ready for him. He could see that the man wanted to ask why he wasn’t questioning anything, but he saw Hope sharply shake her head with a stern glare when they thought he wasn’t looking.

Remus, for his part, looked dreadful. Now that Severus was constantly near the boy, he could see the dark circles get darker and darker with every hour. Remus hardly moved if he could avoid it. If he had to move, it was achingly slow and usually consisted of his joints popping. He disappeared to the basement after dinner and that was the last Severus saw or heard of him until the afternoon of the next day.

That entire day was just like treating a bedridden patient. Remus buried himself in his bed after being bandaged up with muscle patches and drinking the broth Hope made. He remained there for three days.

Throughout all of this time in between learning routines and helping around the house in a near nervous manner, Severus wrote a massive amount of notes in his books and journals. From muggle holistic medicine to potion experiments to simple recipes to cook. He wrote them all. He managed to slip in a few requests for some herbs that Hope didn’t have in her garden to purchase in the next grocery run. If he could start making potions and tinctures, then maybe he could start helping Hope get the help she really needed.

From what Remus explained to him and from what he could observe, she had some kind of energy depleting illness. She couldn’t maintain energy at the levels every one else could, that usually resulted in her losing appetite, which led to her losing weight and then stability. A change in diet could help alongside an addition of some more nutrients. Severus had no doubt that they were already doing that, but maybe Hope needed more than what they already had. Or maybe she needed a boost.

He was in the middle of drafting a recipe for such a boost, something do with cinnamon. Though if he were being honest, cinnamon isn’t going to do too much with energy, it’s just to ensure that her heart remained healthy. Perhaps I should lean towards oils like mint-

“Severus, could you be a dear and hand me that dish?” Severus looked away from his notes instantly to see Hope motioning to one of the many pots hanging from the rack above the eating table. “I’m going to be making sourdough with the rosemary from the garden.”

He closed his journal and grabbed a deep dish to hand to her, “Do you like rosemary?”

She thanked him and took a moment to think, “Suppose I do. It has a lovely smell, and I have a couple of bushes of it growing.” She smiled to herself, “You can’t have too much of it though. Having too much ends up hurting your body.”

“Really? But people use it in so many recipes.” He tried to go back and remember what was in rosemary’s make up that caused damage to people.

“Oh yes, it’s wonderful for nerves, relaxation, and even hair health. But there’s something about that can actually start hurting your body.” She oiled the bottom before placing the dough in and covering the top with a towel. “There, that will set for a bit and then we’ll bake it.”

Severus watched her put the dough into the oven and began the timer. “Hair health? How does rosemary do that exactly?” He saw mention of it in one of the muggle books, but hadn’t reached the chapter for it.

“Well, I’m not sure about it exactly, but I do know that something in rosemary oils helps strengthen the roots and strands.” She leaned up against the counter with a pondering look, “I think I heard somewhere that it also makes hair grow faster?” It was all good information to research later, so Severus made to write it down. Hope watched him scribble his notes down before speaking up again.

“Do you want to start brewing soon?”

The question made him pause. He would love to get inside a cauldron and begin experimenting, but he also didn’t want to impose anymore than he had. Placing the pen down on the table, Severus straightened and really thought about his answer. Knowing Hope, she wouldn’t let him say no immediately. But if he worded it right, he could tell her no and make it seem like he was doing so willingly and not out of obligation.

“I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet.” He pushed on to explain before Hope could respond. “I would like to! But I would like to have more notes memorized before I do. It would make me more comfortable.” He pleaded silently for her to accept the excuse he provided for her. Her eyes seemed to narrow just a bit before she nodded slowly and smiled, making Severus believe he had done it.

“Of course, honey. I understand completely.” And that was it. They had moved on form the question and begun figuring out what to make for dinner as the bread baked.

It was only after a few days that Severus realized that it was, in fact, not the end of the brewing conversation. The next thing he knew, when he and Hope returned from a grocery run, was that Lyall had cleaned up a part of the sun room and turned it into a homemade potion station. Complete with an old cauldron, some vials and jars, as well as towels and pot warmers. He stood there stunned as Hope innocently put away the groceries while Lyall was telling him how he set it up and where everything was with an enthusiasm that Severus had never seen in the man.

“Now down under here is extra storage for anything you make or need. And right here, I can put up some hooks for aprons if you’d like.” He continued on, pulling open drawers and gesturing with his hands. Severus however, sent a confused glare to Remus who was seated on the sofa in the sunroom, right across from his new station. Remus sent him a shrug and confused look back.

Unhelpful idiot.

“This is great, and I really appreciate it.” He made sure to actually sound appreciative, “but why did you…?” He didn’t know how to ask why they bothered without sounded like an ass.

Lyall just smiled and placed a very gentle hand on his shoulder. It made him twitch, but Lyall always moved slowly and deliberately with him. Making sure that Severus could see where his hands were at all times. “Because it was no trouble at all and I liked doing it.”

He left to help Hope, who was sitting down at the table and drinking tea to hide her own smile. Remus didn’t move nor did he say anything. He only watched Severus watch him in utter confusion. Moving slowly to the work table, that clearly used to be a butcher’s table that had been deep cleaned, Severus hovered his fingers over the cauldron.

They did this for him. One more thing that they went above and beyond with. Why?

“Why?” The broken whisper was barely audible, but Remus seemed to have caught it.

“Because they wanted to. And because you deserve to have nice things too.” He didn’t move from his spot on the sofa, only made himself more comfortable by leaning back into the cushions.

Severus shot him a glare, but couldn’t put any energy into it.

“Why? Why do they do so much? Why do they want to do so much? What about me makes them want to- I don’t des-”

“Severus.” His tone was soft but carried more authority than Severus had ever heard in the house, even from Hope. It made the words die on his tongue, leaving an acidic burn in his mouth. They watched each other, amber eyes carving into obsidian. It was only a moment then Remus stood slowly and approached him.

Severus backed away, unblinking and scared. Remus didn’t stop until he was mere inches away from Severus. The table was pressed against his lower back and Remus heat was at his front, but all he could do was stare at those eyes, more human than they had been during his stay so far. He felt the scalding touch of Remus fingers brush against his own cold ones, and his hands twitched.

The glide of those fingers whispered past his knuckles and up the inside of his wrist.

“You are a very intelligent person.” Remus pinched the edge of Severus’s shirt cuff. “One that finds enjoyment in writing and experimenting.” He began to roll the cuff up his arms, folding them crisply to make them stay in place. “When you do the things that you enjoy, you glow with the softest of smiles.” He moved his hands over to Severus’s other arm to repeat the process, and all Severus could do was be hypnotized. “How could we not provide you with something that makes you that happy?” Once he was finished with the cuff, Remus glided his fingers back down both of Severus’s arms to take his hands into his own.

Turning him around in the cage of his arms, Remus placed Severus’s hands, still held by his own, onto the table. His voice still a deep whisper, “Now please, have fun and just be happy with your gift.”

And just like that, the scalding heat was gone and Severus was left with a shaky breath in his lungs and a burning face. He wanted to say it was from the anxiety of having the werewolf so close. But something deep inside of him told him it was because Remus was so close.

Swallowing, he made himself push the thought out of his mind by exploring the new work table. He got so wrapped up in the routine of getting everything where he wanted it, that he forgot about Remus’s presence back on the sofa. He didn’t even see the gleefully, conspiring look in Hope’s eyes. He was just pouring himself into the feeling of having a potion table in front if him again.

Another few days went by, and another routine was added to the house. While Hope would garden, Severus would take what she harvested and begin preparing it for either storage or experiments. She managed to find some empty pots and let him plant whatever he wanted for quick grab herbs.

Remus had taken to reading in the sunroom while Severus brewed. He never bothered Severus other than a question here or there, so he let him linger. He also refused to think as to why Remus suddenly wanted to be around him all the time. It was weird and Severus didn’t have time to think about weird, not when he was so close to figuring out a new tincture for Hope to try.

He had buried his nose into his notebook, scratching through rejected notes and rewriting ratios, when Remus spoke up from his book. “Your hair is getting longer.” It was said without judgement, as though he was stating the weather outside, but Severus bristled all the same.

“Haven’t had the time to cut it. And it doesn’t bother me, I can just pull it back at it’ll stay there just fine.” It was true. His hair had grown a bit faster once Hope introduced a new Rosemary infused hair shampoo and conditioner. Not only had the grease practically left, but his hair was growing like a weed. Perhaps the myth about rosemary and hair was true after all. That or his hair was finally thriving after being taken care of properly for the first time in existence. He could pull it up into a small tail at the base of his neck with his bangs having to be pinned in place. It was odd, but Severus was growing fond of it.

Remus just nodded, “It looks nice.” That was all he said, turning the page and continuing to read.

Remus was like that. He would just say something, and not expect the conversation to keep going. It took a bit to get used to, but Severus had begun to really enjoy the fact the Remus didn’t expect quite literally anything. He would listen if someone spoke to him, only commenting when he had something to say. But most times, he would only speak when he had something to say, never to fill silence.

They fell back into the silence after his comment, only the turning of pages and scratching of the pen being heard. Severus had just finished the latest ratio to try when the phone rang. It made Remus jump a bit, and Severus took the opportunity to laugh at him to hide the fact that he did the same.

The phone never really rang. All of Lyall’s coworkers contacted him via owl, and Hope only really talked with people in town. Hope glided swiftly into the kitchen where it hung on the wall and answered.

“Hello? Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Hm? Yes, Remus is our son.” She glanced at said person who looked at Severus who shrugged. “Oh, a classmate! Oh, I see. Mhm. Mhm. Ah, James must have told you. Yes, he’s a delight in his own way, isn’t he?” Hope smiled into the receiver, but made no motion from Remus to get up. “Would you like to talk to him? Of course! He’s right here.” Covering the receiver Hope called out, “Severus, darling. You have a phone call.”

He what? A wave a nausea washed over him. Who was it? They knew Potter, who else would be the James she was referring to? Why did they want to talk to him?

“It’s a girl named Lily.”

Lily! He felt excitement for half a second before wanting to throw up again. Oh god, Lily. He didn’t contact her at all to tell her what was happening.

“Severus, what’s wrong?” Remus looked worried as he saw the blood leave Severus’s face.

“I’m so dead.”

Chapter Text

“OF ALL OF THE STUPID, ILL CONCEIVED, ILL PLANNED STUNTS YOU COULD HAVE EVER PULLED THIS NEARLY TAKES THE CAKE, SEV!”

Remus watched Severus hold the phone a couple of inches away from his ear, letting Lily yell at him without a word of defense for himself. Every once in a while he would open his mouth to respond to a very shrill “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?” only to be cut off on another tirade. 

He had moved inside with Severus to sit at the table with his mom, who was smiling in her mug.

“Isn’t it nice that his friend cares so much about him?” She whispered. Remus had a doubt that Lily was very caring at that moment, but from the fond smile creeping on Severus’s face he knew that her yelling was a good one. 

Remus discovered that he really liked Severus’s smile. It was soft and shy, as though he couldn’t remember how to really smile. Whenever he did smile big, he always tried to hid it behind a hand. Remus would catch those smiles when Severus talked to his mom. He wanted him to smile more. To smile all of the time.

It was his eyes that were his tell, Remus found. His eyes would change in brightness depending on his mood. The darker the color, the more upset his was. The light would catch his iris just right when he was happy. Once, when they were standing outside at the bus station, the sun came in from the side of his eyes and Remus saw that his eye color was the darkest shade of brown he had ever seen. Truly close to obsidian when the light shined through its structure.

Remus didn’t know why that scene alone, Severus standing there asking him a question that he doesn’t remember now with the sun illuminating his irises, made his heart stutter and his lungs forget how to breathe.

Maybe it was because he finally realized in that moment that Severus was healthy and on his way to being happy. Maybe it showed Remus that Severus was more than just Snape.

He was knocked out of his staring contest with his Memory Severus when Reality Severus spoke up for the first time in a few minutes.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t call or write or go to you first. I was just…” He glanced at Remus and his mom before sighing, “I was scared. I don’t know of what, just scared. I’m staying at the Lupin’s until school starts up.” A pause. “I’m not entirely sure, but I know where I can find that information and it isn’t here. Yes. Yes, I know.” He shifted his stance and Remus found his gazed quickly landing on Severus’s hips. They weren’t worryingly thin anymore. They were still very slender, but they had more fat on them now. That was good. That was healthy.

His mom cleared her throat next to him. Looking her way to see if she was alright, he was greeted by an arched eyebrow and expectant look. He tilted his head in a question. Did she need something? Did she ask him a question?

“I don’t know, Lily. That’s not for me to say.” Severus interrupted the staring contest by asking his mom a question. “Lily is asking if she can come see me if her parents allow it.” He looked as though he was about to say he didn’t need her to, but his mom beat Severus to it.

“Of course she can! I can talk to her parents right now if she’d like me to.” She smiled as Severus brow developed the crinkle it made when he was confused.

Nodding, he turned back to the phone to relay the message. Remus looked back to his mom, “How do you think she got our number?”

“She told me James told her Severus was staying with us, so perhaps with him?” She took a sip of her tea. “He likes her a lot, doesn’t he? That James.”

Oh yes, Remus thought. James was obsessed with Lily Evans. He would do everything for her. If only he didn’t act like a total arse whenever she and Severus were with each other.

“Hope, her mother wants to speak to you.” Severus sounded as though he didn’t want to say anything, but the insistence of the woman on the phone made him. Remus’ mom, smiling, stood up and took the phone, going over questions and concerns.

Severus walked over to the table, drumming his fingers in a jittery manner on the surface. He only ever did that when he was excited about something. Remus leaned on the table to talk lowly to him.

“It must be pretty exciting to see your friend during the summer, before school?” He watched as Severus paused his fingers and looked his way. The nod he gave was shy, as if trying to hide the energy waiting to burst through the motion.

“Ah, yes. That- that is if she is allowed to come here. Or if we go to London. Or…whatever.” Severus moved his hands from the table top to his shirt, fiddling with the ends. Remus couldn’t help the smile that came with watching him. 

“But…” Severus spoke up again, calling Remus’s eyes to glide from his long fingers to his deep eyes, “what if Potter comes with her?” 

The question was said with worry, not with suggestion. It took a minute for Remus to understand why he was asking the question in the first place, on top of wondering why he would worry. Of course it made sense once his brain actually thought about it at all and not honing in on the fact that Severus seemed to be developing freckles on his cheek bones.

“I could probably mention that I’ve already seen James this summer. He and I can meet up again when we get our things for school.” He saw Severus relax slightly, but still shifted nervously. 

The conversation reminded Remus that just because he and Severus were getting on, didn’t mean that the other two would. The thought made him slump his shoulders a bit. He wanted James and Sirius to see that Severus was actually a pretty normal person, instead of the dark wizard wannabe they painted him as.

He especially wanted Sirius to apologize. To the both of them.

Which reminded him of another thing…

“Uhm, Sev-“ He lingered on the ‘v’ in thought, causing the other boy to whip his gaze back to Remus. “-erus?” Those dark eyes narrowed a bit, but he nodded for Remus to continue.

“I was wondering if we could…you know?” He glanced at his mother, still on the phone and writing things down. “Chat about the-uh- shopping incident? Thing?” Godric and Jesus could he even talk today?

“What shopping incident?” Was he really going to make him say it?

“At Olly’s? That thing that happened..?” His mom was getting wind chimes in the next store over, knowing that Olly would take care of Severus. She had no idea what happened, and he really didn’t want her to find out now. Luckily, realization dawned on Severus’s face, and he nodded towards the sun room.

Once they were squared away, Remus standing awkwardly in front of the couch while Severus leaned against his work table, the really hard part started. Remus shuffled on his feet, looking everywhere but Severus. His anxious fingers found a loose thread on his sleeve and had all but torn it clean off. The silence went on for what felt like hours until the other boy snapped it away.

“Well? You wanted to talk about it, so here we are. Standing around to talk about it, so spit it out.” He crossed his arms, and Remus couldn’t help but watch the muscle contort in his biceps at the movement. Focus, you moron.

“I wanted to apologize.” Each word was ripped out slowly from the tightness in his chest.

A new silence stretched now. It was one Severus perfected in controlling. Calculating, assessing. The kind of silence that demanded no interruption as he decided whether or not he would give you the time of day. Remus was familiar with it in the form of Severus giving it to Sirius right before being at the end of a prank. He had never been on the end of one himself, and he was finding out very quickly that he didn’t like it.

He was beginning to fidget with his sleeve again when Severus spoke up. “I first thought that you were going to try and grovel about a particular school year, but since it’s about Olly’s store…” he looked to the garden as if to find what to say there in the rose bushes. “I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure what you’re going to be apologizing about.”

Remus blinked. “I…well that is, I. At the. Store.” He wanted someone to just punch him. Not only was this nerve wracking, it was becoming embarrassing. Surely Severus knew what happened? He read the whole textbook on that year’s DADA course surely? 

Glancing back at Severus from where his gaze was at the floor, Remus found that the boy himself looked two stutters away from punching him out of his stupor himself. 

One deep, harrowing breath and Remus let it out.

“I’m very sorry that I scent marked you without your express consent. You were in my clothes and it was so close to the full moon and Moony just…did it and I know that doesn’t excuse what happened. I truly am very, very sorry and it won’t happen again.”

Oh, by every star in the sky, Remus wanted to look away. To scramble the breathless ramble of an apology to the wall behind the other boy. But Severus, cruel and dark and mysterious and breathtakingly captivating Severus, demanded in that silent gaze that he look directly at him. And Remus, foolish and weak despite his House traits, was all but helpless to such demands. He stared at Severus with so much anxiety that he just wanted to curl in on himself or beg that he just do something. Yell at him, hit him even, to just break the oppressive atmosphere that began to grow the second they walked into the sunroom. 

Severus took a breath, soft and thoughtful, and Remus held his own.

The knock on the glass door made the both of them flinch. Hope was there, holding a small piece of paper with a gentle smile. “I’m so sorry for interrupting, my dears, but I just wanted to let you know that I spoke with her mother and have it all settled. Lily is going to come on down with her family in a week and a half. I’ll start getting the house ready for guests, okay?” When they both nodded, she nodded herself and gently closed the door again. Leaving her only son to the mercy of the one person he had come to crave approval.

Chapter Text

When Lily imagined Remus Lupin’s house and family, she thought they would be in the middle of a quaint town. A townhouse filled with soft beige and crisp linens. His mother would be a quiet but a pristine hostess and his father would be stoic and tall. They would listen to nothing but piano and dine on shiny white porcelain.

She didn’t know why. Every time she saw him in the halls of school, he was put together. All buttons done up properly, his tie perfectly pleated. A perfect Prefect, her mind provided. Next to him, James and Sirius looked like two delinquents Remus gathered up in hopes of turning them around while they had a chance.

But now, standing in front of what was arguably the cutest cottage she had ever seen or even imagined in the green countryside of Wales, she conceded that it suited him better.

The cottage was tall but not towering, just enough to show that there was indeed a second floor, but nothing that had the vaulted ceilings her now silly imagination provided before. The thatch roof was hugged by moss and the windows caressed by vines that crept from the damp soil beneath. The garden was full and inviting with a promise of a hidden adventure all contained in the wooden fence that ran along the property line. The door was a cute faded teal, making it pop out from the brown and green surrounding it. Everything about this home was welcoming and just lovely. And Lily loved it immensely already.

Her father opened the gate, the little bell she hadn’t seen before singing out crystal clear, and led them to the door. Before they could knock, it opened and revealed a woman that Lily knew was the happiest woman in the world. Her freckled face carried a soft smile that looked so natural and genuine that it made Lily smile too. She wore a linen dress with an apron tied around her middle and had her frizzled hair done up in a scarf. She was beautiful in a way that could never bought.

“Oh hello, hello! Welcome to the Lupin cottage Evans family.” Her voice carried a welsh accent, making Lily wonder if Remus had an accent as well. She never paid that much attention to him, but wanted to know more with every new piece of his life discovered. “Come in, come in. The boys are in the kitchen, and my husband is in the sitting room.” She beckoned them all in, Lily’s parents saying their greetings and introductions as Petunia nodded politely, but uninterested already. Lily however, was taken away by the inside.

It was just as lovely as the outside. Every space on the walls were packed with Knick knacks and pictures of the Lupin family. Mrs. Lupin had them hang their coats on a rack made of old door knobs, and their shoes were put in flower pots that were stacked perfectly in a ladder!

“I love your home.” She whispered. The woman giggled in delight.

“Oh my, thank you very much. When we moved in, I wanted to fill it with everything that made us happy. It ended up like this, all over the place with things.” She waved her hand around the hallway she led them down.

“Oh but it’s so lovely! I feel like I could look forever and still find something new.” Lily’s mother commented, much to the near horror of her father. He was always the more orderly of the two, liking everything to have a place and look just neat.

“Thank you so much, it really feels good to know my home is so welcoming.” Mrs. Lupin said it with so much joy that Lily could almost feel her own chest tighten with the feeling. She led them into a kitchen, where her mother gasped at the stove as quietly as she could, nudging her father to see the cast iron.

“Lyall is over there on his couch. Honey, you don’t have to pretend to read the paper. Lily goes to Hogwarts, you’re fine.” Lily peeked around her father to see a very tall and blonde version of Remus sitting on a yellow velvet couch, looking part relieved and part exasperated, putting an old newspaper away. The adults migrated into the sitting room, making introductions and handshakes. Petunia sniffed before moving to join them, taking a seat on a brown chaise in a manner that reminded Lily of a bird trying to sit in a nest.

She looked back into the kitchen where she stood. Remus was there, at a small table in the middle, smiling gently at her. He gestured for her to come and sit by him. Smiling back, she did just that. A small clatter near the sink drew her attention once she sat herself down.

There, silhouetted by the window, was a tall and lean boy. His dark, fluffy hair was pulled into a loose knot at the base of his hair. He had his cream colored sleeves rolled up to his elbows, protecting them from the water in the sink. He stretched to put away some plates in the cabinet just above. She looked back to Remus who was looking between her and the boy.

“How have you been, Remus? I think this is the first time you and I have had an actual conversation.” She heard the plates clatter, but waited for Remus to talk first.

“Oh, I’ve been alright. Had some days where I wasn’t feeling so well, but I’m doing better.” He smiled. It was the kind of smile that hinted at mischief, but a harmless kind. Lily nodded, looking a bit confused. “Are you excited to see Severus after a while?”

“Oh yes! I was dreadfully worried about him. He’s never really done anything so rash like run off from home before. I hope nothing horrible happened to him before he found you.”

“Nothing happened. I simply got onto a bus and went to London before having the oddly timed meeting of the entire Lupin family.” Severus’s voice, which had really become deep as they got older, appeared next to her. Lily looked over to see…well. It could have been Severus, honestly. Those dark eyes were the same, same as the dark circles around them. The jaw line was the same, still sharp. But everything else was almost different.

“Sev! Your hair! It’s so fluffy now!” She reached out and wove her fingers in, giving the locks a shake. “Oooo so soft. Look, look! Your freckles! They only come out in the fall at school before winter sets in! Now they’re out in the summer time!” A look of exasperation was on Severus’s face, but he said nothing as she continued to pet him like a dog.

She was so happy to see him, safe and sound, that Lily stood from her stool and wrapped her arms around him. Only to gasp in shock, “Sev!”

“What!” He copied the shocked tone.

“You’ve gained weight.” She whispered, “You’re getting healthy.”

And it was true. He was still so wiry, like a willow tree, but she could see the beginnings of muscle and fat creep int his figure. The more she stared at him, the more she could see the differences.

And to think that it was only two weeks of a change.

“Godric and Jesus, Lily. Just announce it to the Ministry, will you?”

Lily felt her face grow hot, “I should! I know you’ve tried to brush it off for years, but you and I both know that living in that house was-mmpf!”

Severus’s hands clapped over her mouth faster than she could avoid. The vice grip didn’t hurt, but it was hard to shake off. “Lily come sit outside, they have a sunroom that I think you’ll enjoy.” The words were said just loud enough to carry into the sitting room, and she knew that he was trying to prevent questions about his household, like he always did.

Struggling against his hands, Lily was led to the sliding doors before she managed to step on his foot hard enough to make him hiss and wrench her face free. “Remus, you should join us! Tell us all about your garden.”

Remus, who had been sitting quietly this entire time, looked wary. “Uhm, its probably best I don’t. The sunroom is Severus’s place now and-“

“Remus, don’t be daft. This is your house, so let’s go. Or is there any other unoriginal excuse you need to think of?” Severus cut him off immediately as he opened the door.

“Ah no. No other excuses.” Lily watched as Remus seemed to unfold himself from the table, as if he was meticulously trying to make himself seem smaller than his body would allow.

Her observation of Remus Lupin had to wait however as Severus pulled her into the Sunroom, leaving it open for Remus. Once they were inside, he lent down and began to whisper.

“Lily, I do NOT want them to know anything about Spinner’s End. Especially Hope.” He kept glancing over towards the sitting room as if merely speaking her name would summon Remus’s mother.

“Severus, that house was horrible to you. Don’t try to deny it, you know I know it was bad. And I didn’t help matters by not speaking up!” Every word was whispered, but she was getting more and more passionate. He tried to brush it off, but she wouldn’t allow it. It was only after Remus came in and close the door that she really started in.

“Which brings me to another thing, Severus T. Snape. What in the absolute hell were you thinking? Running off to London? When I live three streets away? What is the matter with you! You could have been kidnapped or murdered or taken advantage of!”

“Technically all three of those things have just about happened to me, so I think I can handle it.” He sneered.

“Oh no! No you don’t, you are not slinking your way out of this with snide remarks and a glare this time. I’m completely serious, Severus. What were you thinking!” Lily was so caught up that she nearly missed the way Remus flinched at Severus’s words. One issue at a time Lily. You’ve been pulled all around since you got into this house and you’ve only been here for maybe half an hour.

Severus, however, didn’t miss it. His eyes flashed over to the boy before moving back to Lily. “I was thinking that I needed to leave before I was carted against my will out of the British Isles and into what would probably be my immediate death!”

“Severus, moving would not have killed you. It would have been hard and you would do what ever you could to leave as soon as you could, but you would not have died form it.”

“I never said it was the move that would kill me.” He muttered, looking away from both her and Remus. Wretched fear gripped Lily at the implication, but Severus was an expert at moving away from himself in conversation. “Besides, it worked out for the better, I think. Hope is really nice, and I find that the countryside has it’s charm.”

He turned away and walked to a table, fiddling with some things. The silence that followed was so heavy, Lily felt her shoulders sag.

“How has your school work been, Lily? I know I’m not nearby to help with Potions, but I know you still have the notes I gave you before school let out.” He still wasn’t looking at her.

“Sev-“

“We’re not trying to rush and fix things, Severus. We know that all of these things take time.” Remus’s voice carried in a way that reminded Lily of wind in a cave. It was far away, but you heard it clear all the same. “What happened to you was wrong, and we know you know that. I think that Lily is just overwhelmed with the rush of information she’s gotten. Both known and newly confirmed. That’s all.”

Lily found herself nodding furiously when Severus glanced over. “That’s all, I swear! You’re my best friend and I care about you a lot, so when I see you hurt I just-“

“I get it, Lily.” Though his voice told her otherwise, “It’s…I understand and I’m wanting to talk about it with you, but I’m not ready. Not yet.”

Very well. She thought. If Severus wanted to hold off, then she could wait. Her acceptance seemed to make him relax by a lot.

Lily only wished she felt the same calm come over her.