Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first time Sakura had broken into a restricted section of the hidden archives was in fact, completely and utterly on accident. In her defense, no one was watching it, so technically, she wasn't really 'breaking and entering' and it technically wasn't considered 'stealing' The scrolls she had shoved under her shirt brushed against her skin, and Sakura really tried not to yelp as the edge of the paper crinkled loudly. The chunin assigned on library duty eyed her suspiciously but let her pass. Sakura let out a breath, blowing a wispy bang of pink hair out of her face as she walked down the streets of Konoha, intending on finding a private training ground that no one was using to go and read. After she finished, she would return the scrolls and everything would be OK. Sakura let out a breath, pushing her anxiety down. If she really was thinking about it, Mizuki-sensei gave her the green light to do this, so she wouldn't be in trouble anyways.  YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT!

Sakura scowled to herself. I am not! She seethed.

Was breaking into a place filled with important documents smart? No.

Did she do it anyways? Yes.

Did she regret it?..... Yes. But the past is in the past.

Sakura picked up her pace, pumping her legs faster as she ran towards the training grounds near the academy. It was a Saturday, which meant no one was using the grounds near the edge of the school. After finding a spot against a large tree, where shade brushed over her skin like a cool gentle caress, she plopped onto the floor, and took the aged scrolls from under her shirt.

The Thermodynamics of Shunshin: Namikaze Minato

The Theory of Relative Chakra and Natural Chakra- Senju Tobirama

Human Pathways and Tonketsu Points- O.U.

Sakura's face burned as she stared at the three. Her hands shook lightly, heart pounding as she carefully opened the second scroll, written by the Nidaime Hokage. "Hashirama's ballsack." She whispered in awe, green eyes glowing as she unraveled it, the paper crinkling carefully. Her eyes zoomed through each and every word, devouring everything he had to say.

Even though Tobirama-sama might have been a scary piece of shit who freaked the ever living daylights out of her, he was the smartest person she had ever read about. His theories about natural chakra, and how they could influence the chakra points in your body to combine and form bursts of pure energy were simple... Brilliant.

He was a monster.

With every single sentence written in his scratchy rough handwriting, the deeper her respect for him grew. Sure, his personality was similar to that of a cardboard box, and hey, maybe he was the most boring Hokage out of them all. During her lessons, he was always the Hokage whose book she slept and didn't read about. But she had to admit, he was a genius. A really scary, sociopathic genius.

So engrossed in her illegal reading, Sakura didn't notice the shadow that clouded her scroll until someone cleared their throat very loudly.

"Ehem."

She froze, breath catching as her heart thumped. Holy fucking shit. This is how she dies.

Sakura looked up robotically, her head jerky as she squinted up at whoever was towering over her.

Some kind of freak with gravity defying hair stared down at her, one eye covered by the Konoha headband, and lower face covered by a mask.
He looked like a pedophile.

Sakura wheezed, and tried not to burst into tears. Her mom always told her not to talk to weirdos on the street and now she got caught reading classified documents by a pedophile.

For being the most intelligent kid in her class, Sakura was not thinking smart right now.

The shinobi blinked with one eye. "Is that- Uh, what the hell are you reading?"

Sakura decided to pull out the best weapon in her arsenal. She cried big fat tears.

"P-Please don't kill me-" She wailed. "I don't like old men. I'm not even that cute. If you want to kidnap someone, you should take Ino-pig. She's a c-clan head's daughter." Sakura wiped at her eyes, discretely pushing the scrolls into her shirt. Then all of a sudden, while the shinobi was waving his arms around, trying to comfort her, she gasped loudly, dramatically looking at something with fear in her eyes, trying to ignore the pounding of her heart.

She was fucking terrified.

"What's that?" She nearly shrieked.

The shinobi turned to look and Sakura bolted out of there.

Chapter Text

Sakura was not having a good day, yet again.

It had been over a month since she had stolen some forbidden scrolls, ran away from that weirdo perv, and practiced the techniques in the scrolls. She had found one, written by Tobirama- something that harnessed a mixture of Natural Chakra and life energy, a way to manipulate cells. It kind of reminded her of the lectures Iruka-Sensei would teach them about cancer. How you could use Chakra to manipulate each individual cell's molecules was similar to how cancer infects your DNA and cells, rotting them from the inside.

Yes, not the best thing to be reading about for a 12-year-old girl, but Sakura learned she really couldn't be complaining. I mean, what is she going to do, go back and steal more scrolls?

No. freaking. way.

That white-haired freak with gravity-defying hair had started stalking her, she was sure of it. Sakura would be walking by the market with her mother to shop for groceries, and she would catch a flash of white in the corner of her eye. She'd go to a restaurant, and he'd be there, sitting with some brown-haired weirdo with a senbon in his mouth. (Seriously, that is so unhygienic. What happens if he stabs his tongue out and gets iron poisoning? No one wants to see that)

Needless to say, she was strung up with nerves. Paranoia had started to creep into her bones, making her snappy and jumping at everything. She couldn't tell her mother the reason why she was so anxious was because she was 99.999 percent sure some old man was stalking her. Her mother would start asking questions.

Questions that she definitely would. not. answer.

So now, Sakura had a therapist. Actually, not even that. She just got pills for anxiety. Apparently, her mom was worried that she might accidentally kill herself while practicing at the academy.

And Sakura definitely wasn't about to tell her mom that she was messing around with forbidden jutsu she had taken from a forbidden scroll. Speaking of which- why was Konoha so lax in its security? When she became genin, Sakura would for sure bring up an official complaint about that. I mean, seriously, she might be a genius (at least according to the official and mandatory iq tests at the academy) -but she's also a twelve-year-old girl. It should not be possible for her to break into the restricted section of the library and get out unscathed.

And now, Sakura, who was running on about 3 hours of sleep after she practiced from the scrolls, ran over to school, sliding into her chair. If she wasn't so out of it, maybe she would have realized that the chair she took was next to a sleeping Shikamaru's.

"Today's exam is on practical fundamentals and mathematics of shinobi accuracy. You will each get 2 hours to finish your test. When you're done, bring it to the front and wait for us to dismiss you." Iruka-sensei called out to them. Sakura blinked blearily, reaching through her bun to find an old pencil. This one had bite marks all through the wood, the eraser completely gone from the number of revisions she did to Tobirama's research.

As the paper slid in front of her, sleep slowly started to settle in her bones. Sakura smacked herself in the face, the sound echoing through the quiet room. Shikamaru darted a glance at her, and she blushed furiously, sliding down into her seat.

Yeah, she'd finish this quickly and get some sleep.

Sakura scanned over the first question, pencil blurring as she scribbled through every single question. This was one of the simplest tests she'd ever seen. Literally every question was taken from HISTORY- A GUIDE TO KONOHAGAKURE AND ITS CULTURE

By the time the clock had ticked towards 20 minutes, Sakura was ready to crash. She shoved herself out of her seat, walking forward on trembling limbs. Mitsuki-sensei's eyes widened at her face. Sakura wondered what he was looking at.

"Sakura-chan." Iruka-sensei stammered. "Is everything okay at home?"

Sakura turned towards him, neck cracking. He seemed to pale. "Y-eysh. Why?"

"Uh, it's just- your face looks really... tired. Yes, that's it! You look really tired." Sakura waved him off but ended up accidentally slapping herself on the cheek. "M'fine- dshon't worry aboush it-"

She stumbled back to her desk, ignoring the concerned glances of her teachers. From the privacy of her seat, Sakura immediately laid her head down and began to snore.

Loudly.

Chapter Text

"Sakura... S- HEY PUT THAT DOWN NOW!-"

Sakura blearily opened her eyes, nearly shrieking as she slammed her head into Iruka-sensei's nose.
"What the fuck!" She screamed.

Iruka-sensei screeched, grabbing his bleeding nose. "I was just trying to wake you! School's out for the day."

Sakura blushed, mortified at what she had done. "Oh... Sorry sensei, I didn't mean to hit you..." She muttered. Iruka-sensei glared at her from behind his palm. She could see the dead last running like a headless chicken behind him. "Go. Home. Sakura."

Sakura saluted him, jumping up from her seat. "Yes! Yes! Right away." She scampered out of the classroom, dragging her book bag behind her. She decided to go near the Nara River to catch up on some sleep before her mother would come nag at her again.

Sakura quickly scampered to the edge of the forest, reaching the small cave near the edge of the river. She set her bag down by the large boulder on the edge, before deciding to get some light reading done on the forbidden scroll before she took her nap. Sakura was almost towards the end and had made significant progress deciphering the techniques in the scroll. Soon, she'd be able to fully wield the jutsus.

Her brows furrowed as Sakura read the next few lines.

Blood chakra is another technique that can bind the wielder to a strong chakra technique. Blood stores our life chakra, and by mixing it with the natural chakra drawn from your techniques, you can elevate the amount of power you put into your jutsu.

Sakura hummed to herself. Wow, that seemed really interesting. Maybe she should try it.

Nothing would go wrong. it's not like she's trying a forbidden technique in the middle of nowhere with no supervision. Everything would be fine.

Sakura bit her thumb the way elite shinobi did. A sharp stab of pain ached through her finger. "OWWWEE!" She shrieked.

Ok, scratch that. Maybe she'd just use a kunai or something. Or maybe a rock since she wasn't allowed to carry one with her till she graduated. Sakura found a really sharp rock, the tip pointed and jagged. She slashed it across her index finger, watching as blood bubbled to the tip. Then, Sakura closed her eyes. She focused on each tenketsu point, channeling a steady stream of chakra through them. She guided the small threadlike pull all the way to her thumb, feeling her chakra hum in response. What she didn't notice, was the fact her blood dripped off her finger, falling onto the scroll. The scroll shinned brightly for a few seconds, flashing a wave of energy that went unnoticed by the girl.

Sakura frowned and opened her eyes. Nothing had changed. "Well, that was entirely useless." She muttered sourly. Sakura rolled the scroll back up, shoving it into her backpack.

"Nap time!"

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The Second Hokage stared down at the vile pink creature. What the actual hell was going on?

He was having a silly old time wandering around the afterlife, when all of a sudden, a swooping power grabbed him and sucked him to-

A cave. With some kind of small child drooling on the precious scroll he had spent 10 years of his life creating and researching. His hands trembled with rage.

Well, since he was a ghost, it couldn't hurt to hit the child. It's not like she was going to feel it. Tobirama raised his hand, and smacked her across the cheek.

The girl screeched and stood up, her eyes wide. "What the fuck?!"

Their eyes locked.

The girl blinked.

Tobirama blinked.

Then all of a sudden, she manically burst into laughter. "Damn, my pills must really not be working." She looked him up and down, before a snicker burst from her throat. "Great. Now I'm hallucinating the second hokage. As if my life wasn't bad enough."

She did some kind of bizarre finger gun pointing thing, before immediately crumpling to the floor, and shoving a bunch of white pills down her throat. "I will never. EVER. miss my pills again." She swore to herself, completely ignoring him.

How dare this thing ignore him.

"Girl." He fumed. "What are you doing with my special scroll?" The girl's face contorted. "Ok... The thing is speaking to me. I'm definitely going insane. Maybe I should stop drinking so much coffee and going to bed at three."

Tobirama would pride himself to be a very patient and solemn man.

What he was feeling like doing, was neither of those.

Tobirama let out a huge sigh. Just what on earth had he done to deserve this.

Chapter Text

So that was how Sakura ended up sitting on the roof of the academy, a giant ghostly figure of the Second Hokage floating next to her, eyes glaring daggers into the back of her 12-year-old head. Sheesh, he could cool it with the killing intent! It's not like she was particularly happy with this old harpy constantly badgering her every 30 seconds with his snide remarks. Forget Tobirama- sama ever being her favorite hokage. She'd much rather favor Orochimaru than this demon grouch.

Sakura popped three more pills into her mouth, intent on avoiding the face of her weird pedo stalker who just so happened to be her FREAKING sensei. Kami-sama save her, she had no idea what she'd done to deserve this.

"Hello again." Kakashi-sensei. (apparently, that was the weirdo freak's name) crinkled his one eye at her. "Read anything interesting over the weekend?" Sakura pointedly did not look at him, her face blushing a bright furious red. Forget it. She didn't need to be a genin. Maybe she'd just work at a cafe for the rest of her life and live peacefully as a civilian. She'd take that over dealing with this... this FREAK. 

'Hm. A Hatake clan member. Your sensei's part of an important clan girl, you'd best make sure to pay attention.' Sakura shot him the nastiest most venomous glare a pink haired twelve year old could give.  

"WOAH OLD MAN, YOU KNOW SAKURA-CHAN? THAT'S CRAZY WHAT A SMALL WORLD AM I RIGHT? HEHEHEHE-" Sakura tuned out his chattering. Great just great. Her team was the absolute worst. Not only was her teacher a weirdo, she also got the deadlast and the uchiha kid on her team. Sakura blushed furiously as she felt his gaze on her. Yes, she did have an immense crush on him, but the closer they were together, the more embarrassing she could act near him. Under no circumstances did she want to freak Sasuke away with her weirdness! 

And it seemed her dead Hokage ghost thingy also shared a vehement dislike for those in the Uchiha clan. He constantly tsked and shot the boy nasty little side glares but would immediately stop upon seeing the curious look Sakura would throw him. 

Kakashi-sensei clapped his hands together, beaming at them all (well, Sakura thought he was beaming. For all she knew he could have been shooting them all the nastiest glare ever from underneath that nasty ass mask) "Ok! Let's all start by introducing ourselves. Likes, Dislikes, Goals, Hobbies, that kind of stuff." His head whipped around to face her and although Sakura couldn't prove it she thought she could sense a bit of sadistic glee in his voice when he pointed at her and told her to go first.

"U-Uhm... H-Hi. My name is Haruno Sakura. Uh I like reading-" Kakashi-sensei let out a little snort at that. Sakura furiously glared at him, cheeks to the tips of her ear turning a bright red. "- I dislike weirdo PERVERTS-" She hissed, directing that comment towards him to the astonishment of the boys sitting on the bench next to her. "- and my goals for the future... uh-" She really wasn't going to tell them that her goal for the future would be to master and read all forbidden jutsus hidden in the archived vaults in the restricted section of the Konoha library. Especially because Sasuke-kun's dad was the chief of the police. No sir she did not feel like getting arrested today. 

"-become the next Hokage?" She offered weakly. Naruto's obsession with blasting that piece of information came in real handy as she had blanked out on everything she wanted to say. Seeing the blonde boy puff up next to her, Sakura got ready and disabled the tenketsu in her ears right as he began bellowing. He went on and on and on, nearly screeching at the top of his lungs. Sasuke-kun flinched away from him, scowl deepening and even Kakashi-sensei's eye began to twitch. 

"Heh." Sakura snorted under her breath. She turned to dart a look at Tobirama-sama and saw that he was eyeing the boy with a strange look on his face. His eyes were narrowed, and they seemed to be focused on his... stomach? 

Holy Kami! 

Lord Second was also a pervert! Sakura stared at him, flabbergasted, her eyes wide. No way... why are there so many pedophiles in Konoha! What is going on?! Is this a trend or something?!

He caught her eye and stared. Poor poor Naruto. She thought. He doesn't know he's getting creeped on by a Hokage ghost.

'Girl. Is your teammate an Uzumaki?'  Sakura frowned and side-eyed him a bit. She hesitated then gave a shallow nod. Tobirama-sama's head bowed in thought, as he rubbed his chin pensively. 

'Ah. That explains it.' Sakura was confused but decided not to question it, lest she end up looking insane in front of her new teammates. "-And my goal is to surpass my brother, and maybe take over the Uchiha Police Department." 

Sakura nodded very fast, abruptly standing up. All her teammates gave her a weird look and she scratched at the back of her head, sweat dripping down her forehead. "Uh, sorry guys I gotta get home. Nice meeting you though!" 

Hah! fat chance. She was immediately going to the registration office to submit her transfer form.There was ABSOLUTELY NO WAY she was staying on this freakass team with these freakass shinobi. Quickly she sprinted down the stairs, ignoring the flabbergasted expression on her sensei's face and the parting "-Wait Sakura!-" that Naruto shot at her back. 

---------

"PLEASE." She sobbed. "I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE PLEASE LET ME TRANSFER." She was on her knees, pulling on the chunin's vest as she hyperventilated. "They're all monsters. PLEASE LET ME GO-" 

"Maa, Sakura-chan. Here you are. I went over to your house to introduce myself to your parents but they said you weren't home." Sakura froze, tears immediately drying on her face as the calm voice continued. "-What a surprise to see you over here." 

shit shit shit shit

She could sense the deadly calm radiating from the shinobi as she slowly turned around, shuffling submissively as she looked up at the half-covered face of her sensei. "Oh uh... Hi Kakashi-sensei." She mumbled. 

His one eye crinkled at her in a fake smile. Sakura shivered. Man, he was really scary. Tobirama-sama strolled in behind him, eyebrows raising at the tomfoolery Sakura had gotten into. 

"Damn. She one of yours Hatake?" The chunin questioned. Kakashi-sensei nodded, draping a heavy hand on Sakura's shoulder and yanking her in a half headlock. Sakura wheezed, clawing at the hand that held her to no avail. "Maa you know kids can be. I'll just take this one and go, hope she wasn't causing too much trouble over here." 

That same gaze of the weird pervert turned back on her. "So Sakura-chan. Are you going to submit a transfer request now?" 

Sakura crossed her fingers behind her back. "No..." She lied.  His hand fell on her head with a heavy pat, ruffling her tidy hair. Sakura halfheartedly swiped at it, stomach twisting. "Good girl. Don't eat breakfast tomorrow, we're going to do a little practice test bright and early. Meet us at the bridge at 5 a.m. sharp! And Sakura-" Her eyes lifted up. "-don't be late." 

He poofed out of existence right as she attempted to swing at him. Sakura let out a growl of frustration, stomping all the way to her house. "You." She hissed, spinning around to face Tobirama-sama. There was NO FREAKING WAY she was staying on this damn team. Screw Kakashi. Screw Naruto. And even... Screw Sasuke. 

Yeah she said it. SCREW SASUKE-KUN. 

"I'm going to make that stupid grey-haired perverted punk ever regret messing with me." She snarled. "And you're going to help me." 

Tobirama-sama's red eyes narrowed in pleasure, a smirk pulling at his lips. It wasn't as if he had anything better to do. Besides, the girl was smart. Regardless of how she managed to summon him, understanding and using his scrolls was another skill set. It wouldn't do so bad to pass some of his techniques on in fact. 

'As you wish kunoichi'

A horrifying smile pulled at Sakura's lips promising vengeance and blood. She popped 3 more pills and dry swallowed. Oh yes. Team 7 was going to rue the day they messed with her!

Chapter Text

Sakura was going to kill him.

slowly

painfully

even though he was already dead.

As her alarm blared loudly, Sakura just lay there, eyes open, staring at nothing as every single bone in her body ached. She was so stiff she didn't even think she could stand, let alone walk over to the bridge. "Evil sadist demon monster white-haired freak ugly bitch ass creep pedo-" She hissed out. "-I'll kill him. I swear I'll kill him again."

'Quit your whining girl, we barely covered the basics last night. Your taijutsu is below average. Your stamina is pathetic, and your form is... decent. We have a long way to go before you'll ever be able to land a singular hit on your sensei.' The white-haired demon stared down at her impassively, not at all affected by the severe amount of killing intent she directed at him. 'Get up, you are going to be late.' 

Fuuck you. She flipped the bird at this back, nearly sobbing at the pain that settled in her body. Every single muscle was sore and so stiff she thought she would snap. Sakura let out a muffled scream as she slid out of bed, hobbling over to her closet where she grabbed all the traps and homemade bombs she had crafted yesterday with the help of the demon. 

Damn it she didn't think she would be able to handle putting on some clothes. 

Sakura glared at the pile of clothes on her floor. She was currently wearing sweatpants and an I LOVE NAMIKAZE MINATO t-shirt. A gag gift courtesy of Ino from back when they were friends. A pang of loneliness hit her and she shoved it away. Sakura could probably get away with training in this. It didn't inhibit her per se... but it was damn ugly. 

And the fourth Hokage's face was literally on her chest. She was so glad he wasn't around to see this... she wasn't happy he was dead of course but it would be really awkward to walk the streets of Konoha and see the man on her shirt eating oh I don't know.. say ramen at Ichiraku. 

Sakura lifted her arms back to tie her hair and nooope- a sharp stab of pain radiated through every cell of her body and she hastily put it back down. "Evil bastard." She muttered. She could sense a flash of amusement coming from the white haired Nindaime. Sakura gritted her teeth, waddling all down her hallway, out the door, and into the streets of Konoha. She was glad Kakashi-sensei had scheduled their training at an unholy time if only for the simple fact that no one would be on the streets to see her public humiliation. 

Her stomach growled. Sakura's face pinked. Tobirama- THE DEMON, raised a brow. 'You should eat something,' Sakura grunted. "I would if I COULD MOVE MY ARMS TO FEED MYSELF." She hissed. Sakura continued her slow pace to the bridge, beads of sweat dripping down her back. At this point, she'd probably sweat more from the walk than whatever test Kakashi-sensei would give them. 

When she got to the bridge, she realized that no one else was there yet. Her face flamed with anger, and Sakura hastily sat down, taking a pill. She was SO FREAKIN PISSED.  Sakura closed her eyes, deciding to take the chance of resting for a few minutes while waiting for her teammates to arrive. 

"PFTT WHAT IS SHE WEARING?" Sakura groaned, shifting around. Her nose twitched, and she absentmindedly scratched it, a sharp pain jolting through her finger. 

"Leave her alone dobe, she doesn't want to be greeted with the sight of your ugly mug first thing in the morning." 

"WHY YOU-" Sakura's brows furrowed, annoyance throbbing in her head. "Ugh! SHUT UP!" She swung, eyes still closed at whatever was casting a shadow on top of her head. In her exhaustion, she hadn't realized that the person was Naruto and he was currently flying across the clearing until he smacked into a tree. 

"Oh Kami! Naruto are you okay?!" She scrambled off the bench, body screaming in agony as she waddled to the prone and twitching figure on the floor. Naruto gave her a trembling thumbs up, lips split into a dopey grin. Sakura would have helped him up, but her body was about to go into shutdown mode. 

She could actually see stars in her eyes. Naruto shifted a bit, making a confused sound as she dropped like a sack of potatoes next to him. Her eyes started to roll back as she passed out. "-washke mes up vhen kaka sensei-" 

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Sakura sputtered, choking on water as she frantically spat and gasped. An icy chill sank into her bones and Sakura screeched. "Oh my, look who's awake, and just in time for our activity too." Kakashi-sensei smiled down at her, eyes crinkling in sadistic amusement. Sakura spat water onto her shoe, glaring at him with the intensity of setting him on fire. He ruffled her hair harder than normal, sending stinging pain down her body. "Oowee." She muttered hatefully. 

Naruto and Sasuke both stared down at her, Sasuke-kun with an unreadable expression and Naruto beaming wide with a strength that could rival 10000 suns. "Ne Sakura-chan, I would have woken you up, but bastard-sensei beat me to it!" 

Kakashi-sensei slammed his hand down on Naruto's shoulder in a playful manner, but the force behind it was anything but. Sakura gulped, feeling bad for the blonde as he was subjected to the intensity of Kakashi-sensei that she had felt yesterday. Kakashi-sensei was now choking him, droning on and on about how beautiful the day was and how green the fields were. Naruto was gradually becoming purple, hands clawing frantically at the teacher. "Now now Naruto that's not a very nice thing to call your teacher. It really hurts my feelings when my cute little students become all rowdy and mean." 

Naruto tapped his arm. "I-I gwoff yield!-" 

Kakashi-sensei released him with a pleasant smile, slouching back against the tree. "Alrighty my cute little genin. Are you ready for my test?" 

Sasuke-kun let out a scoff, eyes narrowing at him. "What kind of test?" Kakashi-sensei shrugged, reaching inside his pocket to pull out two bells. "Hm... think of it as a survival test. Only two will pass. Whoever gets these bells gets to stay on the team. Otherwise, you're all getting sent back to the academy." He drawled. Then, he straightened up, turning serious. "You have until noon. Come at me with the intent to kill, if not, you're going to fail. Any questions?" 

Sakura pulled herself up, legs shaking like a newborn fawns. "B-But sensei! That isn't fair! We passed the same test everyone else did, we earned our spot on this team!" That cheeky bastard! He had the nerve to stop her transfer and now he was threatening to demote her? What kind of freak sadist was this weirdo pervert!

Kakashi's answer eye crinkle was one of the most blood curdling moments she'd ever faced. That's it. Win or lose, she's asking Ino to swap teams. She'll even rekindle their friendship as long as someone takes her way from that. 

Kakashi-sensei took out an alarm clock from kami knows where, setting it down on the rock. He cracked his neck fingers retracting into his waist pouch to pull out.... an orange book? Tobirama-sama leaned over to see what he was reading, a curious expression on his face. Then all of a sudden he turned bright red, all the way from his neck to the tips of his ears. 

'What is wrong with Konoha Shinobi nowadays?!' He spat out, red eyes comically wide. 'This man... reading that pure filth in front of children.' His eyes settled on Sakura and there seemed to be a new fire lit within him. Perhaps he had discovered his will of fire, Sakura snickered to herself. 

'Listen up girl. You are going to attack this man like he is an enemy and you are going to hit him. Preferably at least once.' Sakura frowned, her brows furrowing. Kakashi-sensei had started counting down, the three genin scattering. Tobirama-sama followed behind her, as she scrambled deeper into the forest, settling on the top of a tree where she carefully began laying out her trap. "I thought you said I wouldn't be at that level yet?" She whispered. 

'I lied. You have one thing that might manage to help you.' He said. Sakura tilted her head to the side. "What's that?" 

'The element of disguise.' 

------------------------------------------------

Naruto screamed as he was blasted into the lake, sputtering as he doggy paddled to shore. He rubbed at his butt, sore and angry. He WOULD NOT stand for this humiliation. He was going to get back at that pervert sensei, believe it!

Naruto grabbed a branch and began to climb. Pretty soon, he saw his pink haired teammate, his beautiful Sakura-chan lounging on a tree branch. She seemed to be deep in thought, empathetically nodding at the air every few seconds. Then all of a sudden, her lips pulled back revealing a row of teeth gleaming in the sun. Her eyes were manically, face so deranged that Naruto felt a sliver of fear creep up his spine. 

Jeez! Sakura-chan sure was scary dattebayo! Remind me not to get on her bad side! 

Her head whipped around and Naruto nearly fell off the tree. NARUTO She mouthed. COME HERE.

Naruto hesitantly climbed over, settling on the branch next to her. He gasped in shock at the array of tools she had brought with her. "Holy crap Sakura-chan!" He exclaimed. "Have I died and gone to heaven?" Sakura blushed. "Here, help me set these up. I have a plan, but I'm going to need yours and Sasuke's help." 

"The bastard?" Naruto whined. "Can't we just do it ourselves?" 

Sakura shot him a look. He shut up immediately. "Ok, here's what I'm thinking."

Chapter Text

 Jeez, where was that freaking Uchiha bastard! It's been like 30 minutes and I still can't find him. I wonder if Kakashi-sensei has him strung up from a tree hanging somewhere. A snicker erupted from his mouth. He couldn't help it, the thought was too hilarious to not laugh at. A rustling sound echoed through the thicket. Naruto tilted his head and then decided to go closer and investigate. He truly was not expecting to see what he saw. 

Naruto stared down at the embarrassed head peeking out from the dirt. The beginnings of a hysterical giggle escaped from his lips. 

"Oh God Sasuke-teme!" He cackled. "Man, what I wouldn't give for a camera right now!" 

Sasuke shot him a venomous glare, face turning bright red. "Shut the fuck up, idiot." He hissed. "Help me out of here I need to get a bell," Naruto smirked down at the boy. "No can do teme. I don't work for free yaknow. Believe it!" 

Sasuke took a deep breath, looking like he was 5 seconds away from burning Naruto alive with one of his katon fireballs. "Fine." He bit out. "What do you want." A maniacal smile spread across Naruto's face, almost rivaling Sakura's. Sasuke paled. 

"Alright you duck-haired bastard, this is Sakura-chan's plan. You better follow everything I say or the next time I see you out on the streets of Konoha I won't leave your side and I'll force you to go get ramen with me." Sasuke shuddered. "Please no, anything but that." Naruto glared down at him. "Whatever stickass. Here's what you're going to do...."

-----------------------------

"OI YOU MASKED BASTARD!" Naruto's voice screeched, birds immediately flying away from the rabid boy and his loud obnoxious voice echoing across every single tree within a 100 mile radius. "COME OUT AND FACE ME LIKE A MAN. I'LL KICK YOUR ASS DATTEBAYO! I WANT A REMATCH YOU PERV." 

"Maa Naruto, don't you know it's impolite to start screaming at 10 in the morning." Kakashi-sensei's singular eye narrowed in mock concern. "Guess it's up to dear old sensei to teach you some manners." 

"Grrr!" Naruto's face darkened. "I'll show you manners! SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!" Hundreds of Naruto clones popped into existence, Sakura hidden amongst them. They all moved simultaneously, preparing to jump Kakashi all at once. 

The plan, as stated by Sakura was composed of three layers. 

Distraction.

Extraction.

And Offense. 

Step One- Naruto and his ridiculously large chakra pool would create hundreds of shadow clones, as much as he could. Sakura would then disguise herself as one of the clones, and while Kakashi-sensei was distracted, she'd sever the string with a small thread of chakra that Tobirama-sama had forced her to hone into pure perfection. 

Step Two- She'd hand off the bells to one of the numerous Naruto clones, and they would continue passing it on and on until the real Naruto got it. 

Step Three- They would unleash Sasuke-kun on Kakashi-sensei, and book it out of there, leaving him and the rest of the clones to keep Kakashi-sensei occupied up until noon. Sakura would hide the bells somewhere safe until the test ended and then they would decide who would get them at the end. Sakura had planned for the boys to take it and to give up her spot, simply for the pure fact that there was NO WAY IN HELL she would last on this team full of freaks. 

That was what the plan was supposed to be. 

Instead Sakura found herself screeching inside her head as Kakashi-sensei's one eye narrowed in on her, his leg sweeping out as he punched a Naruto clone so hard it poofed out of existence. "Found you." 

"Oh crap." 

Screw the plan. Sakura was going to run. She suppressed her chakra, casting a minor genjutsu on her as she turned tail and ran. "Naruto!" She screeched, whipping around to find the original boy. "Over here!" 

She spied the orange boy hanging from a tree, and she scrambled after him, his arms gripping hers and pulling her onto the branch next to him. Sakura let out a sigh of relief, watching as Sasuke-kun snarled and threw himself at the jounin. Naruto held up a hand sign and 20 more clones popped out and ran into the fight to join. 

"Where do ya wanna hide it Sakura-chan?" 

Where was someplace that Kakashi-sensei would never guess it being. Where he'd never even imagine Sakura would put it there. An evil grin spread across her face, and Naruto shivered at the sight. 

"Hey Naruto-baka. What do you think about hiding it in your pants." 

Naruto paused for a second. Then a devious expression caught on his. She knew he would catch what she was thinking. After all, Naruto was one of the best pranksters across Konoha. 

"Whatever you say Sakura-chan." 

------------------------------

Sasuke sneered at his pathetic excuse for a jounin sensei, reading himself to spit another fireball directly at his face. This time, he wanted to see his mask catch on fire, and for his sensei to start screaming and running around like a headless chicken. He had enough of the humiliation that stupid white haired disgusting idiot of a teacher had put him through. 

"Wow Sasuke, No love for your dear sensei?" The ugly haircut said. Sasuke snarled. "Shut up!" He launched three shuriken in a row, aiming for the one singular eye he had left. A Naruto clone got hit in the crossfire, exploding in a puff of smoke as he gave Sasuke a betrayed stare. What an idiot. 

"Jeez kids these days." The walking tombstone remarked, casually dodging another one of Sasuke's blows. "Have you ever tried anger management therapy?" 

That. Was. It.

"I'LL KILL YOU BASTARD!" He screamed. Screw getting sent back to the academy, Sasuke couldn't give two flying fucks. He wanted that man dead. 

With a roar of pure rage, Sasuke launched every single weapon he had at the jounin, pulling out every jutsu he had learned from the Uchiha. Kakashi-sensei batted everything away with a crinkled eye smile, ducking and weaving like he had no time in the world. Sasuke looked like he was about to pull his hair out. 

"Uh Sakura-chan... should we do something?" 

"Hm?" Sakura looked up from the scroll she was reading. Tobirama-sama had the sense to make her pack some of his old scrolls for when their training was over, and thanks to the strenuous workout of being chased by that white haired perv freak in an attempt to not die, Sakura's muscles had loosed to the point where she could walk and flip a page without immediately wanting to scream in pain. 

"Sasuke-kun will be fine." She said dismissively. In all honestly though, hearing Sasuke-kun swear and shout numerous curses and expletives at their teacher was really doing it for her, and she dreamily sighed, burying her nose back into the book. 

'Please do not tell me that you're sighing over that... Uchiha.' Tobirama-sama's voice sounded from next to her. Sakura turned and glanced at him from the corner of her eye. "Oh. How nice of you to FINALLY show up." She muttered. Naruto shot her a weird glance, and Sakura shut her mouth, cheeks burning. She ducked her head back into the scroll, furiously ignoring every single person, living or dead, around her. God she needed another pill, her heartrate was THROUGH the roof.

"Maa. And what do we have here?" Sakura and Naruto both froze, Sakura turned slowly to look at Naruto while he shot her a panicked look. A heavy hand came down on both their shoulders, the two genin letting out twin violent flinches. 

"Now." His aura grew darker, waves of killing intent escaping. "Where are the bells?" 

They both looked at each other again, and screamed. 

Chapter Text

Five minutes later, Sakura awoke with a groan. She was drenched head to toe in paint, with all her precious ninja wire being used to tie Naruto up. The boy in question was a burnt red, a makeshift gag stuffed into his mouth, muffling the enraged screams that strained his voice. 

Sakura inwardly groaned. So much for her grand plan. She seriously did not want to be here right now. Her legs ached, her heart thudding in her chest. It was like every part of her body was bruised. 

What's worse was that Kakashi-sensei was cheerily sitting on top of Sasuke-kun, his prone body lying face-first on the dirt. For one horrifying second, Sakura thought their sensei had suffocated her beloved Uchiha and was using his corpse as a carpet until the body in question twitched, a rage-filled eye turning up towards Kakashi-sensei, burning with the fires of hell and the passion of deep, violent vengeance. 

"Get. Off." Sasuke-kun spat. 

"Maa Sasuke-chan, is that any way to talk to your beloved sensei?" The edge of his voice drawled into a sadistic lilt, and Sakura could see Kakashi-sensei's eye crinkle. "Kids these days sure need to learn their manners." Sasuke-kun's body tensed underneath him, his neck veins bulging, and she could see his pale skin start to turn a fiery shade of red. 

Yikes. He's about to blow! 

"S-Sensei. What are you doing?" 

His head swiveled towards her sharply, and Sakura flinched. She was sure he was smiling under his mask from the way it was curved up around his cheeks. "Now, that is the question Sakura-chan, isn't it? Because, for some far-fetched reason, my bells have gone missing. I know dead last and uggo haircut here weren't the ones to take it, so that leaves you." He giggled a bit, but his eye narrowed as he hopped off of Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun snarled from the floor and shoved himself up, hastily brushing the dirt off of his clothes. 

Sakura started sweating as he made his way closer. "I-I don't know what you're talking about sensei." She stammered. "I'm sure Naruto and Sasuke-kun were the ones to grab it so I guess you'll just have to pass them and send me back to the academy. Oh well." She tried to act sad, but her heart was hammering so loudly she thought that everyone could hear it. Kami, she needed her pills. 

Kakashi-sensei's eye crinkled. "Now, what are you just talking about, Sakura-chan? You were the only one to see through my test and get my secret meaning of teamwork. So clearly, I'm just going to pass you and take you on as my apprentice. The other two are getting sent back." Sakura shrilly screamed, a scream of genuine horror and agony that came from deep down her chest. 

Sasuke-kun sneered. "Good riddance. Do you know who my father is?" Sakura nodded in approval. "Yeah." She added on. "Just wait till his father hears about this." He shot her a look and Sakura eeped. 

Kakashi-sensei shrugged. "Well, I don't see my bells anywhere, and as far as I'm concerned, you guys didn't act like a team when you were coming at me. Sasuke, you were too focused on your anger towards me that you killed multiple of your teammates' clones just to get closer to hitting me. Naruto, you didn't even want to partner up with anyone in the first place, and the only reason you did was because Sakura bribed you. Sakura, you decided to wait things out and saw your teammates getting beaten in a tree. If that was a real fight, Sasuke and Naruto would have been killed. All of you had areas of improvement. So, Sakura, I'll give you the choice of who you want to join the team and who gets sent back." Sakura discreetly rolled her eyes. She knew exactly what he was trying to do. Too bad for him, she wasn't stupid and she DIDN'T WANT TO BE ON THIS STUPID TEAM ANYWAYS.

"Well, we don't want you as our sensei anyway." Sakura sniffed. She narrowed her eyes at Kakashi-sensei. "Y-You're freaky and weird, and you probably harass old ladies on the street! All of us together are gonna ask Lord Hokage for a new Sensei, so take that! Nyeh." 

Sasuke-kun glared at him. "We'll get you fired. I promise you by the end of today, you won't have a job." Kakashi-sensei raised an eyebrow. "What, so all three of you are going to willingly go back to the academy rather than choose between yourselves?" They all nodded. Naruto hissed out a curse from his post. Sasuke shot him a death glare again. Sakura scowled.

"I'd rather repeat ten years with them at the academy than be on a team with you." She muttered under her breath. She could have sworn he smiled. 

"Well then, I hate to break it to you... But you pass!" 

"Nah." 

Kakashi-sensei blankly stared as Sakura gathered up her things. "You guys are weird. I don't like you." She took out a kunai and sawed Naruto free. "YATTA SAKURA-CHAN DID YOU HEAR THAT WE-" She clapped her hand over his mouth. "Nah." 

They all watched as she shoved her tools into her pockets and then casually strolled out of the field. Once she was out of eyesight, a shrill screech echoed within the trees. 

"FUCK." 

Sasuke-kun snorted. Then he seemed to remember where he was and whirled to shoot Kakashi-sensei a glare. "You WILL pay for my dry cleaning tonight. Father will send the bill to your address." He too turned and left. 

Kakashi-sensei stood there in stunned silence. Did his teamwork drill not work? Naruto sighed and shook his head. "Ya know sensei, you're a real asshole." Kakashi-sensei made a wounded noise as he turned and ran after Sasuke with a "-dobe wait for me!" 

"What the hell." 

Chapter Text

"What the helly?" Sakura muttered, burying her face into her palms. "This makes no sense whatsoever." 

Tobirama-sama floated aimlessly by her shoulder, peering down at the seal she was making notations on. 'That is because you are not reading it correctly, kunoichi. You started clockwise. Seals are to be read counterclockwise, unless you are altering space time, ie, storage seals or shunshin seals.'  Sakura groaned. "See this would have been super nice to know like 15 minutes ago when I started annotating the damn thing!" She could feel his cold amusement, and she huffed, swallowing another pill. 

"Hey, do you have any other scrolls on space-time seals?" She asked curiously. Tobirama-sama raised a brow. They were currently cross cross sitting down on her bedroom floor, going over the forbidden scrolls she had stolen 6 months prior together. 'Do not address me as hey. It is Nindaime-sama or Tobirama-sama. Second, I do have many other scrolls; however, they are all locked up in the archives and are only available for special jounin to check out. Last I checked, you were barely even a genin.' Sakura huffed. "You didn't have to say it like that." She muttered. "And anyway, can't I just steal it again? I did it last time, could I try again?" 

'Do you want to be locked up as an enemy of the village?' Sakura scowled. 'Then I would suggest that you stop stealing village secrets every other month and focus on your abysmal chakra reserves, your horrendous taijutsu, and your inadequate stamina.' Sakura sniffed. "That's a low blow and you know it!" 

"S-Sakura-chan, sweetie pie, um- who are you talking to darling?" Sakura turned to see her father half in and half out of her room, his head peeking from behind the door. Sakura sighed. "The age old ghost of our second Hokage papa. He's helping me draw some seals." Her father nodded, face pale. "Nice. Um, and speaking of, we have another meeting with your psychiatrist soon." Sakura scowled. 

As her father left the room. Sakura plotted. 

"Ykow what. It's not worth it to focus on my weak points right now when I have no strong points. I have to get good at what I'm decent at first before I can focus 100 percent on my weak spots. I have to steal more scrolls." She eyed the see through ghost. "Pleaseeeeeeeee. Please can I?" 

Tobirama-sama sighed, a wispy hiss floating from his mouth. 'Fine. Do as you please.' 

Sakura smirked, "So I have your consent is what I'm hearing." 

'...What?' 

She shook her head. "Nevermind. Anyways I need some help for this heist. They've probably tightened security since I know that weirdo pervert sensei caught me last time." Sakura plotted again. 

That was it. She needed a distraction. And what better distraction was there than the #1 unpredictable ninja. 

Sakura's grin widened. 

"Let's take a field trip to dear old Naruto's house."