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Chapter Text

Hi guys! How are you? How about we dive into another story?

This story is inspired by one already exists: it is called Backseat Serenade made by PhoenixKaizen. And yes, I have the authorization to write as long as I give the credits, what I'm doing every chapter on the notes part - I will alternate between "at the beginning" and "at the end" notes. There's no problem. Also, check the profile and the stories because it is amazingly fantastic, and it is very worthy of reading. PhoenixTodoroki is one of the best writers I have ever seen before and one of my favorite writers in Fanfiction and Archive of our own. At the end of the chapter, I will put the link promptly to the profile and the original story - hope it works.

PhoenixKhaizen, if you ever read this, first of all, thank you so much for giving me your authorization - almost two years ago or so - to write my version. I swear I won't screw up everything and let you down ok? Second of all, sorry if I had written your username incorrectly although I checked uncountable times to not mistake, I can be dumb enough to do it, and as I said, you are one of the best and my favorite writer of all time.

This is the first book of I don't know how many with Jay Whump (the best thing in the world) but as a new perspective, let's say: Jay and Adam are gays (respectively openly and in process of figuring it out and opening) and we will see how this rolls. Halzek (is this the right name ship?) Simply as that. Topics like this shouldn't be a social taboo, no one should meddle in other people's lives because, in certain matters, it's honestly each one with his problem, you know? I agree with people that should have a non-straight character in Chicago PD but the writers seem doesn't have the same ideas, that's why Fanfic exists. We have the power to change our little One Chicago world.

Still talking about the story, it contains a rewritten/adaptation - it will be in italics - of the "if you like working in this unit, you keep it in your pants/I didn't know it was out" scene between Hank and Jay from season 1 episode 5 of Chicago PD.

You probably noticed my most recent absence. I'm so busy lately trying to conceal my family needs, with school, with personal studies, with the graduation party's committee, with my stories here, with my fitness life, with my love life - I had my first heartbreak last month by the way and I'm falling in love with another boy at my class. Many emotions in a short time passage. I'm learning to conciliate everything and it will work out in the end, trust me. Thanks for never giving up on me along the road. 

Warning: religion: hell and heaven, homophobic words, inciting suicide, mentions of alcohol abuse, mentions of drug abuse, minor character death in the past, death by overdose. 

Anyways, what about we go to the chapter? Let's go!

Jay's apartment

His clock rings at 6:00 a.m. like every other sunrise since he attended high school back in his school days.

He makes his bed perfectly the second before he lifts from the comfortable mattresses like every other sunrise - a practice learned in his training Ranger days and still sticks to his human being nowadays and forever. Once a Soldier, always a soldier. 

He goes straight to the kitchen to make himself his first cup of coffee daily, toasted bread, and a banana like every other sunrise. 

He washes his minor dishes and goes to his bathroom to brush his hair and his teeth like every other sunrise.

He return to his bedroom to change his sleeping black boxer into his running outfit - another habit he learned from the Army was always doing exercises, running was the most indicate but abdominals and push-ups instead were the ones recommended, in the morning time to start the day prepared to what can come - and, reciting the "once a soldier, always a soldier" quote, he sticks to it as it fits like a glove to his current line of job, picking up his Bluetooth blue earphones and locking his door on the way out like every other sunrise. 

He returns to his apartment when it's 7:20 a.m., the sun up in the sky and the city completely shining due to the faraway star, in time to help an old woman climb up the three flights of stairs with the heaviest packages, leaving them on her doorknobs as she requested and, after receiving candy for being a "cavalry, good boy helping out an old lady" and a reprimand for denying in the first offer, he climbs up one more flight of stairs to his apartment like every other morning - not for him for now or not he doesn't care to help out his neighbor whenever he can but now he approves more than ever the installation of elevators on the building to help the older ones move independently of help. 

He takes a refreshing shower and moves into his police detective outfit: tight blue jeans, combat black boots, tight dark green t-shirt, his black belt with his holster and gun coupled on his right side and his badge on the left side like every other morning before working on the Intelligence Unit in District 21.

Though it's not like today is like every other morning before working in the Intelligence Unit in District 21.

It's been a month since he opened up to his team about his sexuality. 

He is gay.

You can feel shocked by this news although it isn't a revolutionary thing to be shocked about. You can question yourself how you haven't noticed any signs and he can reply: one-maybe you are stereotyping his sexuality based on common sense and it's wrong on many levels; two-he knew how to hide and never told anyone. Ok, in the past; now, trustworthy people know. 

He can't deny he had met such gorgeous girls and women throughout his life - and, some of them had been attracted by his appearance too and he had relationships with one or another that didn't work out. They were good girlfriends - he is grateful for them for opening his eyes and letting out his true identity - but it wasn't made to last because it was fake, it was a strategy to hide from everyone that he had eyes and heart completely given to boys. He also can't explain why; love is something inexplicable, he just feels it. But he had to learn to hide from his homophobic family and the homophobic society he lived in.

He grew up in an extremely catholic family, he studied at a catholic school and was friends with every priest and nun, and every Sunday he would go to church. Not willingly; he hated it, his brother and his father hated it too but his mother loved it, she was devoted, truly the unique religious person in their family going in all Sunday, raining or sunning, and attending every social event organized. They feel the obligation to come along with her in respect and gratitude for supporting and tolerating them - especially the hot arguments between the old man and the youngest son, for receiving love and protection from her - but that could change if he reveals himself as homosexual. The first time he heard homosexual people were sinning and, once dead, was going to burn in hell's profound and the whole church agreed - including his own family - with shouts of Amen, he got even more scared. What would happen to him if he splits it out? Would he, a kid, be somewhat judged and hurt and killed? What's the problem with being gay? Why there is a difference in treatment between heterosexual people and homosexual people? How would his family react once he tells them? Would he go to hell feeling an attraction that makes him happy? Would he go to hell for being himself? Isn't he too young to try and comprehend all of this?

The answer for number five happened the day he was going to Afghanistan for his first tour overseas when he had eighteen. He knew about the likely possibility of him dying there so, at least, he deserved them to open his heart and vent out in case that would be the last time he had the opportunity to do it. 

What was the reaction? 

His mother stared blankly at the wall, devastated, probably wondering where she raised him wrong like she was when he announced his departure with tears copiously streaming down his face like a waterfall. He started crying too because the last thing he wanted in his life was to see his mother crying for any motive, especially for him. He was paralyzed in place. 

Will, suspiciously disappointed, nodded his head and went to comfort the old woman, probably wondering the amount of time he wasted traveling from New York to Chicago just to hear profanities from his young brother. 

His father's reaction was the most unsurprising one. "You are a piece of shit!" "You are worthless!" "I was right when I said we should have either abandoned you or aborted you!" "Hadn't you realized yet everybody among you walks away and you are the motive, your insignificant kid!" "You are nothing but trouble!" "Why do you just kill yourself? It would be better for the world!" "Faggot!" He started cursing him with all the dirty vocabulary he had as he always did throughout their whole living together but somehow, that day, that scenario, hurt even more profoundly than usual. Maybe because that could be the last time he would see and talk to them if everything went south overseas and they were, like usual, arguing or the fact, his mother isn't standing up and protecting him like usual, he didn't know. What he knew was that he ran as soon as objects started flying in his direction.

Three weeks later, he received a letter from his brother. He was hesitant to open and read the content; it could be written how much he shattered their mom's heart and soul with that stupid and absurd revelation, moreover with the stupid and reckless motive, wished for his death or to step back once he returned or all of the above. He opened it anyway to confirm his suspicions but the two bad calligraphy written by him weren't that that and it brought tears to his eyes. Not sad tears, happy and relieved tears. "It took way too long for to you open up about that, little brother. Ignore their reaction, I'm proud of you for having the courage and will forever be by your side. Try to survive and return in one piece from there. Kisses, Will."

He would get his blessing in the most difficult moment of his life: when the phone call from a hospital in Chicago announced his mother was being hospitalized for a month now due to terminal cancer, they just had discovered the existence of a second son of her, she is about to pass away all alone and they invite him to pass this last moment by her side. He fled immediately back to his hometown. His brother was way too preoccupied with "studying for the medical school" (aka partying, getting high and drunk, smoking and screwing) in New York and his father was constantly drunk and fought all the times he entered the hospital he was prohibited to enter again. The "sanest" person in the family was him. Her last words for him were "Don't be afraid of being yourself and opening yourself up to the world, my brave boy. I'm sorry for not saying it back there but thanks for showing us you truly. If you are happy with it, then I did my job perfectly. Love you, son." before she closed her eyes for good and took her last breath. He lost her that day but earned her respect, her forgiveness, and her acceptance of his true self so, from that day forward, he was confident to be who he was and didn't care about others' judgments of his sexuality because the two most important people in his life knew it and accepted it.

However, before all of his brother's letters, he was hiding his personality overseas. Unfortunately, the Army was a reflection of the prejudiced society in the United States - the world in total - so saying they didn't respect someone out of normality - being heterosexual is normal - isn't hyperbole. They didn't respect someone out of normality. A euphemism would say they treat the "normal" man decently, they just treated them a little less roughly. He wasn't into being a persecution target of superiors and other soldiers because of his sexuality so he kept his mouth shut and played the "heterosexual" role. Moreover, Afghanistan wasn't by far an inclusive country: still under the Taliban's regime, and even before, whoever wasn't hetero was considered a pagan and would simply be arrested, tortured, and executed. He knew that, if he got caught by them, things weren't beautiful by his side as he is the enemy at their total mercy so figuring out, somehow, that secret, he was screwed up. That's why he preferred to stay quiet during his tours. 

Until he met Mouse when he was on his second tour. The intelligent technological expert soldier Gregory Gerwitz, nicknamed Mouse due to the way he, quietly but fast and efficiently, invades any technological device or hacks any system, was the first person he truly trusted in the armed forces so he confined his secret to him. Mouse looked at him scared and, for a second, he almost regretted splitting out his secret, fearing the man would tell everyone else in the base or he would get away from him but he showed worries and admiration, just asked how he wasn't afraid of being here with the risk of being captured and suffers more than the rest due to his sexuality if they found out. Despite it, he was perfectly normal with the news and thanked him for being able to open up to him with such a major secret that would be kept in that way. He appreciated it. That was a unique time he shared his secret with someone meanwhile in the armed forces. 

He was intending to keep the secret close to his heart once he entered the police until he met someone intimate and reliable to share. 

It isn't like he doesn't trust his team, the Intelligence Unit, just the top elite unit in the whole Chicago Police Department, the dream of every young cop just emerged from the Academy to prove their value and the jealousy and disdain of every old cop who never got their opportunity due to ego. He was just into them for six months. His boss, Sergeant Hank Voight, can apply some illegal and questionable methods of interrogation in their suspects, have an unknown and dark past, secrets, and stories but he is a reliable guy. Detective Antonio Dawson, the man who put him upstairs after Molly's undercover case, was too focused on his job, his grieving, his divorce, and his kids to have one more heavy thing be delivered to him. Detective Julie Willwhite died in the field by Pulpo and the team was trying to get back on track with her absence. Detective Alvin Olinsky, a cold person, a former Army Sniper just as he was, a long-time friend of Hank, and accomplice in his illegal and questionable interrogation, wasn't so much a talkative person and someone who you could talk openly and frankly with him giving advice or offer a friend shoulder to lay down and cry your eyes out. Officer Kevin Atwater and Officer Kim Burgess, the closest patrol officer in eventual needs and the most probable two future additions to the team, weren't as close to him due to the work schedule to him talk about it with them. Officer Adam Ruzek, the youngest addition to the team and son of a known cop named Bob Ruzek has a history with Hank and Alvin the tense atmosphere when the information was delivered is something to consider - which left him walking the wire between curiosity and hesitancy to know deeper, - was most of the time worrying about lying and keeping up it to not concern his fiance of the dangers he is having in the most top unit instead of learning and making his way throughout the Academy. Detective Erin Lindsay, his partner in the field and the almost somewhat adopted daughter of Voight, was the reason for all his revelation.

However, exactly a month ago, in a forced and embarrassing way, he told them his secret.

He leaves his position leaning on the board, walks to his desk to pick his jacket up before getting downstairs, and heads to the campus with Antonio, Erin, Alvin, Adam, Hank, Kim, and Kevin, where the other girls, now possibly in great danger of being drug mules, are. But, of course, he couldn't lose the opportunity to tease his partner when she is coming in his direction. He puts himself in a box-fighting position, reminding her of that morning in Antonio's gym but she, smirking, dodges, he protects his ribs with his arm and she punches slightly his left arm, and reprimands: 

"Let's go!"

He was expecting this reaction from her as she doesn't play in service but, in the deep end, he knows she likes him playing here and there to enlighten her day and distract her from all the misery they face daily. However, he wasn't expecting Voight to have heard the friendly teasing, the less commenting too: 

"If you like working in this unit, you keep it in your pants." shit! He feels shivers running through his spine, his mouth drying more than the Sahara desert, the team's eyes landing on his paralyzed form and their hitched breath as they return to the office where the tension is installed. He almost laughed at the commentary because if his boss knew his subordinate better, he wouldn't be worried about him falling in love with the unique girl in the section who happens to be his daughter. He can't deny the woman's beauty and attractive complex though but his preference is other. The old man should be worried about the man in the group. Instead, it is safe to say all of them except her are "in danger" of him falling in love with them. But he could get into more trouble with the rough sergeant laughing in his face from something not funny. Furthermore, the man doesn't know his true self yet and he pretends to stay that way for now at least so, as always, he has to play along. 

"I didn't know it was out." This was the best phrase his brain could think of to evade this embarrassing and attention center situation.

"Erin is off-limits. End of discussion." he says and walks past him, pointing to the stairs leading to the secretary and the entrance.

However, for him, the discussion wasn't over yet. He wouldn't be Jay Halstead if he let the other person have the last argument for themselves. 

"I don't think you need to worry about me falling in love with her, she isn't my type, others are." he should have stayed quiet. 

The team looked at him astonished and incredulous, wondering and eye-questioning why had on his mind to revive a dead conversation, they had more to do than that. Voight turned around really slowly and intimidatingly, looking incredulous and bored of him.

"Guys, I think we have a job to do. Can we have this conversation later?" Erin says from the top of the stairs, alternating her gaze between her father figure and her partner and trying to put some judgment in their heads here and into the circumstances they are in, isn't the adequate moment. 

"If you are saying she isn't your type, why do you keep flirting with her whenever and wherever you can?"

"I'm not flirting with her, I'm playing with her, joking only. It's a work partners thing."

"Doesn't seem like it, you know?" the boss insists on it. Subconsciously, it seems he is pleading with him to confess his sexuality to everyone right here and now. Could, by any chance, the man be suspicious of his sexuality due to signs he split unintentionally and just wants confirmation? He isn't sure about it as he learned for many years how to disguise his identity. The old man couldn't have read the closed book he is, could he?

"Sarge, again, don't worry, I'm not flirting with your considered daughter and I will never do it. Don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous, but my type is nothing similar to her."

"So what's yours?" The ask comes out of the blue, especially coming from Antonio Dawson. To disguise his nervousness, he tries a joke: 

"Why the sudden interest and curiosity, detective?" he chuckles alone. Erin rolls her eyes, bored and impatient. Does the question have a relation to Gabriela and their undercover relationship, to see if she was involved with a decent man after all in the end or he should have murdered him for emotionally hurting his sister the moment he run into him in the district he used to work, carrying criminal files to identify the bastard? He is starting to consider opening his sexuality up to them. 

"What's your type?" Hank questions and his patience ceases. 

"I'm gay!" he screams. Everyone looks at him stunned. He blushes and looks down, avoiding eye contact. "I'm gay since I was a kid. I faked being heterosexual throughout my life to not suffer prejudice between my extremely Catholic family, in the Army, and in my beginning at the Police or get isolated by them and to get closer to Gabriela in benefit from Molly's investigation. Sorry for fooling you, Dawson." he lifts his gaze to stare at the man and quickly glances at the others. "Sorry for fooling everyone and never admitting it to you, I trust you all with my life but I was afraid of rejection. I only opened up to my mom, dad, brother, and a friend before; the last two were the only ones who accepted immediately after I told them, my mom just did it on her deathbed, and my dad just increased his hate against me and never spoke to me again since that. I always feared something like this could happen to you so I contained myself. I understand if I had broken your trust and you don't want me here anymore, I will gladly resign and search for another place to work far away and never cross paths here again…" He starts apologizing more and more, uninterruptedly,  tears emerging and accumulating in his eyes, breath hitching, he feels back to the day he told the same news to his family when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He didn't realize he was looking down during all this until he had to lift his eyes and face Hank's brown eyes staring at him. 

"You don't need to apologize for hiding yourself from anyone due to fear of isolation and abandonment, Jay. I'm sorry you had to pass through your dad's experience and the whole society's prejudice against it. I'm glad and thankful you trust us enough to open up and show your real self to us, I can't imagine how tough this was for you, but proud you made it. No one here thinks less of you now nor wants you to leave because of it neither will defame your sexuality. I'm the one who has to apologize for inferring you were into Erin all along when you didn't have your eyes on her. We have an investigation now as you know but if you want to take time for yourself here, feel free." He was so speechless after his boss' speech that he didn't feel the tears cascading down his face until he was getting tower papers to dry them out. 

"Thanks, Sarge, that means a lot to me. I just need a cup of water to compose myself but I can go with you all."

"Don't feel hurried, take your time. Erin, if needed, stay here with him or take a ride to campus. The rest of us, let's go." all the team nodded but before leaving, they hugged, shared affirmation words with him, and promised a decent talk later once the case is closed. The last one was Erin: 

"Do you want me to stay here with you or can I go?" she asks worriedly. 

"Did you feel I was into you too? Maybe I fake it well in the end. It's not like you aren't beautiful, I would be blind if I don't admit it but I see you as my partner and friend." he admits, before turning serious. "Seriously, I'm good to go, I just need water to compose myself and I'm ready."

"That's ok, I also think of you as my partner and friend only although you are handsome and will be a hell of a boyfriend to someone one day." she says. He blushes. She continues. "I'm glad you were comfortable enough to say it here and I'm here for you as always, if someone spreads out and comes looking for you, please let me know so I can kick their asses."

"Thanks and be sure I will. The same is valid for you." they hug each other for a minute or two before she breaks it and picks up the car's keys. "I'm waiting for you in the car." he quickly goes to the locker room to wash his torn face. He looks at his reflection in the mirror; despite the slightly red eyes, he feels fine. He feels ok. He feels great. What has he done to deserve them in his life? He never had felt so loved by anyone else except his mother and brother. Hank, in one moment, had been more of a father than his own had been since the moment he was born. He smiles genuinely and runs downstairs, he has to work with his family. 

Jay is so distracted repassing the day he opened up on his mind he did the rest of his routine automatically: dressing up is the last thing he remembers before blacking out, he went to his garage, drove to the district, and just parked on his spot - the accident he could have caused and/or suffered during the journey could have been gigantic and tragic. Apart from that, he's feeling a strange instinct, a suspicious gut feeling that something bad is about to happen. He isn't going to ignore it as his instinct have always been right, one hundred percent efficient, no fails but exaggeration from time to time for small things. He will be aware more than ever today and, for now, will retain it hidden until extremely necessary. Checking if he has everything he needs for the day in his pockets, he goes upstairs to the district. 

"Good morning, sergeant!" He greets Sergeant Trudy Platt, the hilarious, rough, lovely, and sarcastic desk superior officer in her position at the entrance, sitting down and reading today's newspaper, and heads directly to the bullpen stairs. 

She doesn't show it and won't ever admit but behind the teasing, she loves him - and he is her favorite after probably Erin. She was the last one who discovered his revelation as she was resolving a patrol problem when it took part. Apart from questioning him if the story was true, she didn't give the maximum information to the new piece of information about his human being. 

Typically, on a morning like this, she would just lift her gaze from whatever she was doing and nod the greeting back. Atypically, like today apparently, she would call out his name, plead with him to stop at the bottom of the stairs, get up from her seat, and come in his direction. He swallows dry, knowing he had screwed up without knowing how.

"Halstead, are you ok?" Is he still asleep? Is he daydreaming? Was he beaten and he doesn't remember? Has he heard correctly? Trudy Platt is concerned about him. He isn't starving or sleep-deprived due to his PTSD for over a year. Even hating and fearing injection, he took all the flu vaccines two months ago. Despite his worry and suspicion over her strange behavior and his gut feeling of sensing something bad, he is fine. He wanted to comment "now that you are asking worriedly I'm not sure anymore." but he simply answered: 

"Yes, I'm fine. Why the question?"

"If you are saying. If it changes and you need anything, please let me know." she says with both of her hands comfortably on his shoulders, squeezing softly and reassuringly and smiling broadly before returning to her place. He stays paralyzed in place watching her move away from him. Was it some kind of prank for him that Kevin and Adam created and Trudy is playing along? Perhaps. He considered asking her but thought better and decided to play along and let himself fall on their prank for the general's entertainment and happiness. He would have his revenge. 

Arriving at the top of the stairs, he notices no one is there besides him and Hank as usual. However, the case board is positioned near Hank's office door and the man is gluing pictures of bodies above names written in red. 

"Good morning, Sarge." he greets him. 

"Halstead, I need to talk to you." oh shit, what has he done?

"What have I done? I can explain." he replies, fear running through his veins like he was a little kid about to get reprimanded by their parents for something wrong they did.

"Did I say you did something? You know you are giving yourself up this way, do you?" he says. He does have a point. He is about to respond when he gets interrupted by the team arriving simultaneously:

"Good morning, boys." Adam, being the happiness leader, greets the two men singly but stops abruptly meanwhile the rest deposits their bags on the floor next to their desks. "Why the tension?" If anyone could lose the tension in the room it would be him but it must be too rough to go unnoticed. The others stare at them nervously and worriedly. Hank ignores them for now and turns his attention back to Jay: 

"As I was trying to say, are you ok to work these days?"

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't I be ready?" he asks, somewhat intrigued and painfully worried with his gut feeling screaming more loudly than a siren.

"Because it can be triggering for you." Holy shit! Could the victims on the board be former soldiers or current soldiers who were just here for a visit before returning to their bases wherever they are? He feels all eyes on him. Ignoring them, he gets up from his chair and walks to the board, picking the pictures up from it to look carefully. 

"We have three victims: the first one is Taylor Raine, 22 years old, from Boston, unemployed, isn't studying, has a sibling there, and has been on vacation here since last week. The second one is Gabriel Tomlinson, 23 years old, from California, he doesn't have a family bond so we are contacting his boss and he has been attending a conference since last week too. The last one is Victor Wilson, 25 years old, from Minnesota, his parents are alive there and he has been on vacation here since last week to visit his grandparents." Jay observes the photos respectively as their names are uttered, passing ahead the seen photos to the team.

The three males seem to lie down on some cement in an open area if the amount of sunlight illuminating is a signal. Their eyes are wide open and empty like an inhabited shell. There's no blood or other bodily sign of actual violence like a beating to death, a gunshot, or a knife stab, and their clothes aren't torn or with holes that caused their death. The emptiness in their dilated orbs' wide eyes, the paleness of their skin, and the small white bubbles on their mouth, however, lean to be an overdose.

"Do we have a cause of death or didn't the coroner have time to autopsy the bodies? By the way it looks, my bet is an overdose." Alvin exclaims out loud that everyone's suspicious of.

"Yes, and you are right." Hank says and delivers new photos which show three empty plastic packages, two filled packages with white powder, an empty used syringe, and a transparent board with vestiges of the white powder on it. Instruments to inhale drugs, more specifically cocaine or heroin. On the packages, there is a sticker with an erased drawing; it's so blurred on the five of them it will take time to identify but they can affirm they haven't seen it before. "The result came as cocaine. Altered cocaine with the worst of the worst components, badly made, and the worst quality." the boss continues once everyone saw the image.

"It was the worst poison than it already is." Erin states to no one in specific, looking directly at the board. Hank, Alvin, and Jay share a concerned look: they know her involvement with drug use and abuse once through her childhood surviving in her high mother's residence and bad influence companies. They know how emotional she can be in a case like this. They are keeping an eye on her during this and afterward once closed. 

"Sarge, how can this case be related and trigger me in specific?" Jay refers to the beginning of it all; for him, the case can trigger Erin more than him. 

"Because all the victims are gay."

Hope you liked this one! See you soon!

Chapter Text

Hi guys! How are you? How about we dive into another story?

This story is inspired by one already exists: it is called Backseat Serenade made by PhoenixKaizen.

My last middle-of-the-year vacation from school is arriving in one week and three days! Think of it is so weird after fifteen years of school and the same thing every year ends up in a blink of an eye and everything changes…I just hope I'm ready for it when the time comes! Anyway, as I'm going on vacation, I was thinking I'm going to have more time to write so I'm here with two options that I would love you guys to help me decide: or I continue in the writing routine I do since the beginning - write a chapter and once finished, post it - or become absent in posting and write as much as I can to upload it in August. What should I do? 

References: adapted conversation between Hank and Jay from Chicago PD 3x17. Born this way by Lady Gaga. 

Trigger warning: homophobia. 

Anyways, what about we go to the chapter? Let's go!

Previous on chapter one:

"Halstead, I need to talk to you." Oh shit, what has he done?

"What have I done? I can explain." He replies, fear running through his veins like he was a little kid about to get reprimanded by their parents for something wrong they did.

"Did I say you did something? You know you are giving yourself up this way, do you?" He says. He does have a point. "As I was trying to say, are you ok to work these days?"

"Yes, of course, why wouldn't I be ready?" He asks, somewhat intrigued and painfully worried with his gut feeling screaming more loudly than a siren.

"Because it can be triggering for you." Holy shit! Could the victims on the board be former soldiers or current soldiers who were just here for a visit before returning to their bases wherever they are? He feels all eyes on him. Ignoring them, he gets up from his chair and walks to the board, picking the pictures up from it to look carefully. 

"We have three victims: the first one is Taylor Raine, 22 years old, from Boston, unemployed, isn't studying, has a sibling there, and has been on vacation here since last week. The second one is Gabriel Tomlinson, 23 years old, from California, he doesn't have a family bond so we are contacting his boss and he has been attending a conference since last week too. The last one is Victor Wilson, 25 years old, from Minnesota, his parents are alive there and he has been on vacation here since last week to visit his grandparents." Jay observes the photos respectively as their names are uttered, passing ahead the seen photos to the team.

"Sarge, how can this case be related and trigger me in specific?" Jay refers to the beginning of it all; for him, the case can trigger Erin more than him. 

"Because all the victims are gay." 

Everyone looks at Jay, waiting for his reaction to the news. 

The case could be about someone selling illegal and altered drugs to kill random people and, merely coincidentally but unfortunately, all the primer victims are homosexual guys. However, the case could be about homophobia and the modus operandi of the criminal group is disguised as several overdoses to fool the police officers to quickly put the cases away. Moreover, if that's the case and, by any means, the subject discovers about Jay, he could be a target for them.

Then they look at each other, silently agreeing with each other they will need to look after him during the case as it would deeply hit him close to home and observe whenever it was time to put him out of the case if necessary.

Jay, on the other hand, is numb. He feels every eye landing on his form starting at the board and processing what was just said. He knows what they are thinking: or the case is a fucked up coincidence that all the overdosed victims were gays or it is a hate crime against homosexuals and the risk he is getting if the subject or subjects found out about him being a cop and gay. Persecution. Homophobia. He had lived throughout his life with it like many girls and boys, unfortunately. He feels their eyes analyzing his body expression, waiting for his reaction after the news is delivered, and maybe putting him away from the case if they judge it's way too much for him to hold on to. He pulls his thoughts aside - he has to focus to be kept on the case - and looks directly at his boss: 

"You're not taking me off this." His tone is respectful however serious. Tense is built in the ambient. Everyone looks at each other worried by his intimidation. Hank looks amazed by the attitude, arching his eyebrows, huffs - typical of him - and replies sharply like what he has in mind is obvious: 

"I'm gonna do whatever I feel is right for this unit, Jay." 

"You need me. All those people that are being killed, at least for now, are homosexual and, as far as I know here," He gesticulates around to the team "I'm the only one in the unit if we need to go undercover and understand the case if it's about hate. Again, you need me." Hank is obligated to agree with the former soldier: he is essential for the case despite the risks in his involvement. His eyes find everyone who nods their heads to the plan until it lands on Antonio, his second-in-command, Erin, Jay's partner and his almost adopted daughter, and Alvin, his long-time friend. They were talking without words about the pros and the cons of the plan and divided to move on with it, Hank alerting everyone to keep an eye on him and let him know if he should leave, especially Erin, the closest to him as a partner. With the decision, he returns to face Jay whose green eyes didn't leave him during this travel. 

"Okay. But anytime I tell you to sit on the sidelines, you're gonna sit, you understand?" Jay wants to disagree on the terms but he knows it's a lost cause - and he can be taken out of the case for misbehaving anyway so it isn't worth it - so he nods. "Ok, you and Lindsay, go talk to the coroner and see if she has more details or leads to whoever did this. The rest stay here, call the victims' contacts to see if they talked about some place or someone they wanted to visit here and, Sheldon, search on their social media where were the last places they went before dying and everything else useful. Let's go!" They all nod as Jay and Erin pick up their jackets and head downstairs to the car, Sheldon heading to his technological office meanwhile the boys sit at their desks to investigate online.

"Are you truly okay to handle this case? It must be tough for you and the memories it can bring." Erin questions him for the first time since they entered the car and she was driving them to the coroner. He moves his eyes away from the clouds outside and looks at her

"I'm fine, Erin, thanks for asking but you don't need to worry about me." He responds

"Of course, I need to worry, you are my partner and friend."

"Erin, I'm not saying that it's easy to handle a case like this especially if it turns out to be a homophobic one but, unfortunately, this still happens and it's part of being a cop to stop it. That's one of the reasons I became one. So, yeah, it's tough but I know I'm capable of making a difference. Otherwise, Sarge will put me out of the case. I need it." He says as she parks their car in the coroner's office parking lot and he turns to look at her, only to find out she was already looking at him.

"Look, Jay, I understand what you are meaning and I'm just asking to let you know I'm here if you need to vent out but I'm not intending to tell Hank whatever you tell me, ok?" She gets his implicit reason to not open up to her. 

"I appreciate it." He smiles sympathetically at her and she attributes the smile. "Shall we go inside?" He asks and immediately leaves the car. Erin watches for a second her partner walking towards the building, she rolls her eyes in annoyance at his stubborn behavior then rushes to catch him up.

"Doctor Melinda?" Jay calls the coroner's name out when he sees as passing through the corridor; from his peripheral vision, he sees Erin approaching him. 

"Hey Detective Halstead and Detective Lindsay, I'm sure you guys are here to know more about the bodies, am I right?" The couple nods. "Ok, follow me." The trio walks across the corridors until arriving at the necropsy room and she handles the file to the female detective. "The three bodies are over there under the covers, I was about to put them on the refrigerator as I finished with them." She points to the bodies on the table on the other side of the room while walking alone to pick a new pair of gloves. 

"So you did the autopsy and figured out they died by overdose. Heroin, right?" Erin questions as she handles the files to Jay. 

"Yes, and the needles used were just empty on their side, near their hands. Everything matching to them injecting themselves and dying. Anyway, I sent this and the blood example to the laboratory to verify the digital and toxicology."

"Were any signs of abuse?" The male detective asks after analyzing the file. 

"No, no signs of recent physical abuse at all. However, I found signals of recent sexual activity in the three bodies but I can't affirm or deny it was consensual or not either identify who is the partner because there is simply no sperm or any other fluid." She explains meanwhile watching Jay uncover their hands to analyze whatever he intends to. 

"Is there any lead that could indicate where they were before the crime?" The female cop asks, becoming more and more intrigued by her partner's behavior. 

"No, there isn't. Neither at the crime scene nor their clothes and accessories showed where they could have been." At this moment, Jay picks up Gabriel's right hand as he had found something. "Is everything okay, Detective Halstead?"

"Just a question: have you passed the UV light on their skins?" the coroner shakes her head. "Because I think there is something here, a mark or a tattoo, on his hand just capable of seeing on those lights, come here to see and pass, please." Erin walks to his side to see what he was saying as Melinda picks the special protector glasses and the UV visor to check his suspicion. She handles the glasses, turns out the lights, puts her own on, and turns on the machine, aiming at the corpse's hand.

"And there it is!" The coroner exclaims when they see the strange symbol: it's a circumference with a big H in the center and a few stars around it. "This is strange, I have never seen this symbol before. Is it from a new gang?" She questions. 

"I bet the same symbol is on Victor's and Taylor's right hand too." Erin says as she takes a photo of the discovery to send to the team. Both females go on with the same process on the other bodies and discover the same symbol. Everyone took off their glasses as the coroner turns the lights on again and Erin analyzes the photos she took. "I'm going to send those to the team to figure out what gang they belong to or at least talk with the Gangs unit."

"This symbol isn't from gangs, they aren't gang members." Jay states from the same position near the first body. "This symbol is from the biggest homosexual nightclub in Chicago. Hydrate Nightclub. This symbol is the ticket to get in."

"How would you know something like this?" The coroner asks. 

"Because I'm gay and…" Jay is about to continue but gets interrupted. 

"Are you gay?" The coroner asks, mouth open in shock. 

"Yes, I'm gay."

"Oh, I didn't know you were, I mean you don't seem to be one honestly." The cops share a look and Jay looks down, swallowing and wondering how to interpret her comment as a compliment or an insult before speaking: 

"Well, you didn't know because I never told you and this isn't your fault, I just don't feel comfortable and I'm a very private person so I prefer to keep such a thing to myself. But this doesn't matter in our current case." He swallows.

"Yes, sorry for that." She apologizes and he smiles gently and comfortably. 

"Moving on, I was once invited to this nightclub after my first tour of Afghanistan."

"Did you go?" This time it is Erin asking. Why the curiosity?

"I went but never entered." Both girls frown their eyebrows in confusion. "When I looked at it from the other side of the street, I felt strange like an interior voice telling me I shouldn't go inside. As I learned to trust my guts in the Army overseas, I obeyed and returned to my house."

"Not being a pessimist and judge but I think you made the best decision." The coroner declares. 

"Thanks for your help, Melinda, see you soon." Jay waves goodbye and leaves the room, picking up the phone. Erin appears at his side in a hurry. "Sarge, we are leaving the coroner right now and we found out the last place they might have been before dying or the crime scene itself is the Hydrate Nightclub because of a mark on their backhand that Erin sent a photo." He stops and listens to the man on the other side of the phone. "Ok, we are returning to the district." He finishes the call. “Voight is going to order them to watch the CCTV footage near the nightclub to discover how and with who they left and investigate if the place has a relation with gangs. Let's return and help.”

“Jay, wait!” Erin says, stopping on her track and he does right after, turning around to face her. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"The way the coroner handled you opening up about your sexuality to her." He knew back there this conversation would happen eventually. "I thought it was completely unprofessional and unacceptable."

"It was a bit exaggerated and unprofessional but that's okay, I'm somewhat unfortunately used to this. It could be worse too like my parents did. But, as I said, this will just bother us to solve the case as fast and efficiently as we are capable of so let's put this aside, shall we?" He declares and returns to walking away in the direction of their car. He tries the door but it is still locked. He looks at Erin, telling her to open it with his eyes but she just stays there facing him. "Look, I don't mean to be rude to you, I just know that if I think too much of my things about this, then I can go crazy, but we aren't even sure the case is about homophobia itself or a bare coincidence of the victims and their sexuality so I prefer ignoring some comments that generally make me sad and concentrating on the case than overthinking of the future."

"I just want to remind you I'm here if you need me." He sighs, either from the shortness of breath after his speech or the tense atmosphere between them or both aspects, he doesn't know.

"I know it and I appreciate it." He smiles. She unlocks the door and both enter. The drive back to the district is silent. 

"Hey, what is the news about the bodies?" Voight questions, leaving his office's door frame, as soon as he sees the partner arriving at the Bullpen. Erin sends him a "we need to talk" look and inclines slightly her head in his direction; he gets it. Jay seems to not have realized the stare and starts talking: 

"We talked to Melinda and she sent their blood example to the laboratory to confirm her suppositions but they most likely died by overdose by the siring on their side at the crime scene. They didn't show any signs of physical abuse before their death but recent sexual activity, however, she wasn't able to identify who the partner might be because there wasn't any sperm or other fluid." Jay tries to sum up everything that wasn't said on the call to the whole team.

"What did you guys find about the Hydrate Nightclub?" Erin asks, walking to her desk to deliver her jacket there and sitting down. Jay does the same, sitting down on his chair and passing his hands over his face before focusing on the conversation. They all look at one another. 

"First of all, I need to ask: how does Jay know about a nightclub and I don't?" Ruzek questions provocatively. 

"Here we go again, this isn't relevant to the case, Adam!" Erin vents out, still a bit angry about before and how it could bother Jay.

"It's because it's a homosexual nightclub, not your kind of nightclub to go to, Adam." He answers back, smiling playfully, and then sees all eyes on him waiting for more explanations. The smile wipes off his face. "I was once randomly invited at a bar to go there the next day after my first tour of Afghanistan. I decided to go but I wasn't able to cross the street and enter the nightclub, something seemed weird and suspicious there so I turned around and walked away to the nearest bar." He completes the retelling of a story he never told anyone for the second time in one day. He doesn't know if he feels ashamed of speaking out loud about the darkest periods of his life or proud of himself for opening up and connecting with his team, his family.

"Ok, uh, nice." Adam says, feeling ashamed for provoking the man with such a sensitive topic known to him and something more…he can't identify…or he can but doesn't want to because it's way too confusing for his already naturally confused mind. He clears his throat - and his head from looking firmly at Jay for so long - and moves to the board with a bunch of photos. "As we were waiting for your arrival, we watched the street cameras in the area from yesterday." He turns around to start putting the pictures on the board - and distracts himself from the eye-catching way Jay is with his arms crossed - as Kevin continues: 

"The three of them entered by themselves after the lift from the taxi. Gabriel was the first one in the nightclub, he arrived at 8 pm." He points at the first picture, on the top of the board near the man in question's body, followed by the others. "Victor arrived one hour later and Taylor, thirty minutes after. None of them is seen exiting the building by themselves since that."

"However, at two am, this black van without a license plate and glasses dark parks in the backside of the nightclub. The driver never leaves the passenger seat so we can't do facial recognition and the glass is way too dark to make everything difficult. It stays twenty minutes in that position until they left and drove to the other side of the city. The last CCTV footage we have is from three blocks away from where the bodies were deposited." Adam completes after recomposing himself. 

"Does it mean the nightclub is the original crime scene?" Erin asks to confirm the obvious. "We have to enter it and find the crime scene."

"That's not possible." Alvin talks for the first time, emerging from behind his desk. "We could have a chance to go as police officers and investigate the place in search of the crime scene and evidence of the killer if some customer had called us denouncing the crime. We didn't receive anything. It means that the owner or some important partner might be involved in the death and drug cartels and, altogether, are muffling the case to protect the dynasty there. If it's true, the crime scene might be already clean as hell and integrated into the crowd like nothing happened to not grow suspicious and some witnesses might have been dealt with." He declares, his experience in the police and the Army came to the surface. 

"Olinsky is right." Hank nods as encourages his long-term friend to participate with his big knowledge of the briefings. "The only way we can do to discover who and why killed our victims is to go undercover." He looks directly into Jay's eyes, asking both of them if he is ready to do this in case it's really necessary. The former Ranger nods. His partner notices the interaction, gets what it meant, and intervenes: 

"But it's a shot in the dark; we don't know more about who is the owner and if the nightclub has a history with cartels, we should investigate more outside to have a base before sending someone in to get into trouble." She looks into the eyes of her sergeant and almost adoptive father, reminding him of the conversation that involves Jay and his presence at the case they are having when the briefing is over. Now, unlike the last time, everyone understands the eye talk, including Jay, who is about to talk when gets interrupted by Antonio, emerging from the stairs. 

"Hi guys, sorry for being late but I was talking with a CI of mine that works as a bartender at Hydrate Nightclub." He introduces his talk as walks to the board with a picture in his hand. "She said she served the three of them in the bar twice. As much as she can remember seeing them in the crowd, they just danced alone and drank but not enough to get drunk. However, they called the attention of the nightclub's owner at some moment of the party." Then he glues the picture on the board. It's a handsome attractive man in his forties, mad-faced, with thick eyebrows, with dark short hair and facial hair, and with even darker - if that's possible - eyes, shining more than the black sapphire or black diamond polished by the best goldsmith in the world to the greatest queen of the biggest empire in medieval Europe. He seemed like a bad guy in those Hollywood cliches movies. 

"Let me introduce you all to Michael Alexander, the owner of Hydrate Nightclub. He inherited the property from his father when he died. What was just a normal homosexual nightclub was transformed into a point of work for drug cartels to operate without impediment as every type of narcotics circled the area every night. As it seems, the guy is…how can I say…obsessive about sex; every night he observes the guys, chooses a man in the crowd who is usually with someone else, pays a drink them to approach, dances with them, and takes them to the back bedroom and, well, I don't need to tell what happens there, do I?" He asks, feeling a bit strange for being way too detailed in his description. 

"Let me guess, the trio was approached by him and entered?" Adam asks. 

"And never left as far as my CI remembers." He completes his colleague's observation. The team looks at one another thinking the same: Michael can be the killer. "There is more! My CI is sure of the involvement of various members of drug cartels all over Chicago there but she is also suspicious that Michael is involved in human and sex trafficking. She isn't sure as I said but the number of guys who entered during the day to meet with him in the back bedroom and the way he always says "his secret business is way more lucrative than his current one" grows suspicious on her." 

"This piece of information changes everything, we need to get into the nightclub undercover." Hank states, looking at Erin like he still wants to hear her worry but they are out of better options here. She unhappily understands, nods vaguely, and moves over to her desk to sit. "Halstead, are you good to go undercover?"

"Yes, sarge, I'm ready." Jay gets up completely from his leaning position at his desk enthusiastically. Although it's risky, one of his favorite things about this job is to go on undercover operations.

"I think he will need a partner to go with to catch Michael's attention as this is his modus operandi." Antonio declares. "Adam, are you good to go undercover as Jay's partner?" Adam could be anything except ready for the question done by the Latino detective. Jay looks at him from over his shoulder, offering a comforting smile; somehow his smile and stare make him…breathless? What the fuck? 

"Yes, I'm okay to go." He answers. Jay smiles proudly.

"That's great, Adam, you are going in as a drug dealer who wants to make business with him to sell your product in his club. And Jay…you are there as his partner" Antonio knows what he has to say and knows the others already understand it too, including Jay, but he is speechless, how can he say what he wants without sounding inappropriate and disrespectful to his friend. 

"Do you want me to dance on Adam to catch Michael's attention?" Jay indeed understands what his mentor wanted to say and how much of an internal struggle he was having to let the words out without sounding inappropriate and disrespectful to him; Antonio nods. "I can do it if that's okay for Adam."

Ok, Adam heard the question direct at his person but will have his introspective time before answering. 

As he was a kid, he always knew he was heterosexual, he liked women. However, none of his relationships worked out in the end: in his teenage years, he dated Melissa McCall, the most beautiful girl - in his opinion - at school for some months; ok, saying that it was a date is a euphemism, they used to stay together at parties but she was indeed interested in the most popular and leader of the school soccer team so they break up - a week later, she appeared with that guy. As soon as he completed eighteen, he married Nicole but broke it off as both felt they were too young right before he attended classes at the police academy, promising to himself he wouldn't fall in love with anyone else before he is a graduated police officer. But he broke his promise - he doesn't have faith in him - when he became engaged to Wendy. They had the same dumb and playful connection to send provocative memes and extremely inappropriate workplace (aka sensual) photos. But when it came down to serious matters, they were immature. He was immature for keeping secrets about himself from her like he wasn't in the Police Academy anymore; he was in the elite unit of the Police Department. He thought the reason he was keeping it private was noble - to protect her - but he knew that once he told her the truth, she wouldn't trust him anymore and would leave him. Said and done. And to worsen his situation deeply, he kissed Burgess. 

It's been a month since Jay came out as gay. It's been a month since something inside him changed with the revelation. He feels himself…liking Jay…in the way he likes women. Romantically. Could he be in love with him? 

NO! Truth be told, Jay is good-looking. Hell, he is handsome, there isn't denial. He has always seen and heard the people on crime scenes or operations pointing at him and commenting about him. He has been feeling good surrounding Jay, he can make him smile on the darkest days whenever he smiles or tells a joke or just by his presence in the place and safe on the most difficult operations every time he puts his hand on his shoulder and squeezes slightly, indicating they are ready to invade and meaning he has his back or every time he tackles down a suspect and interrogates him; what a badass! He started realizing the small things that made Jay him: how he makes himself more focused every time they deal with a child's case, unfortunately, sexual abuse cases - like he becomes the protector he needed once a kid and it makes him question several things; how he transforms himself from the badass cop to one of the funniest and enthusiasts guy on Molly's as he gets comfortable to be himself; how he looks out for everyone on the team - and how much of an idiot he was when Jay asked about his well being after shooting and killing someone for the first time; how every little thing he does is hot from putting on his black thigh holster to yawn or wears fit incredibly well like this goddam black thigh holster to tight clothes that shows the sculptured and defined muscles of his whole body to his arm veins pulling out whenever he crosses his arm over his chest or is deadly mad to his smile. Oh, his smile! His eyes! Him! 

Could he be bisexual? Or could he be less interested in women after all his bad experiences and Jay has the qualities he searches for? Because, as long as he knows and Lady Gaga sang - and here it is the pop reference, they are born this way, there's no way you transform your sexuality. Right? He is so afraid he might be thinking of atrocities that are considered crimes but he doesn't want to.

He thinks he is in love with Jay Halstead!

He just wants to find himself…and someone more? 

"Earth to Adam, are you okay, are you listening to us?" Erin asks, squatting on the ground before him with Jay by her side.

"What? Yes, it's okay for me, Jay." He responds, looking inside Jay's green emerald eyes, and receives his best smile in return. He blushes. Oh, what he wouldn't accept to do if he got the chance to receive this unconstructive smile more often!

"I'm warning my CI we are going tonight undercover there." Dawson announces, after watching the scene and changing eyes with everyone to inquire if they saw the same as him - they did, and leaves with phone in hand to call.

"Ok, everyone go home now and prepare yourselves for tonight's operation." Voight orders. "Erin, my office." He turns around and walks to his office, knowing she is right behind him. 

Everyone waves goodbye to Adam as he picks up his jacket and passes his hands over his face, still sitting. In his vague mind, he doesn't notice Jay is still squatting by his side quietly.

"Adam?" He jumps. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"That's okay, Jay. So, it's us tonight?" He asks nervously to break the tension. 

"Yeah, are you okay with all that might happen, right?"

"Yes, I am, sorry for zoning out, I was just thinking." He apologizes. 

"That's okay, you don't need to apologize. This is completely out of your comfort zone, I get it, and if you don't feel comfortable there, please let me know without a second thought ok?"

"Ok, thanks, Jay."

"But I have to admit that I liked that they put us together as a couple." Adam's heart skips a beat when Jay utters this without a ceremony, winks at him, pats his leg in, and leaves. "See you tonight, buddy!"

"Tell me that you saw the scene outside and interpreted the same as me right?" Erin questions after they watched Jay and Adam talking, then the first one leaving behind the other amazed and paralyzed in place for some seconds, before making his way downstairs.

"Yes, I saw it." Hank says, kind of mad at two other members of his team for possibly breaking his "no-in-house relationship" rule.

"Oh, come on, Hank, don't get mad at them over your stupid rule. Everyone here is grown up and can take care of themselves in their love lives."

"It's been a month since Adam has looked at Jay this way." Alvin declares, leaning against the corner behind the door of his best friend's and boss' office. "It's the same way he used to look at Wendy all the times I met them or Ruzek would talk about their relationship with me. I just can't read Jay to see if he likes him back but Adam certainly might have a crush on him."

"But he is heterosexual, isn't he?"

"Sometimes people can change."

"Yes, but this isn't our topic right now, our focus is on Jay and his capability to deal or not with the case, I think, right, Erin?" Hank gets into the primary topic instead of random gossip. 

"Yes, he acted a little strange when we were on the necrotic mostly because of the coroner and the way she behaved when he told her he was gay." Hank raises his eyebrows in surprise. "Yeah, it's tough."

"But, Erin, do you think he is incapable to deal with tonight's operation or can we move on with him on it with Adam?"

"He is capable of doing it for now. I'm just saying we have to keep our eyes open because he knows he is good at hiding emotions, he is a difficult book to read, and he tends to distract himself with things to keep his mind busy instead of thinking…we need to see how much of it he is working indeed or just using it as a distraction and overwhelm himself. That's it." She concludes, feeling like she had betrayed Jay a bit by telling her superiors about his behavior behind his back. 

"We are going to monitor him closely and let the rest know about it to help but, for now, we are moving on because, if turns out that man is indeed into human sex trafficking and our victims either discovered it or were about to get into but fight back and get themselves killed, we are going to need him at his best," Hank says, moving to his desk to pick his jacket up. "If that's all, let's go home and prepare ourselves for tonight." Both of the detectives nod. The trio exited the office together, the detective went to pick up their things and then get downstairs to their respective car and headed home.

Next chapter it will - for good - the operation itself! I cannot wait to write it and upload it to you all! Hope you liked this one! See you soon!

Chapter Text

Hi guys! How are you? How about we dive into another chapter?

This story is inspired by one that already exists: it is called Backseat Serenade made by PhoenixKaizen.

4 more days until I'm out of school for good. 4 more days before I leave the students’ section and I become unemployed - next time I come here to post actually. I'm excited and miserable at the same time, I don't know what more to think of; I have cried and laughed more times than I can count.

References: Jay's nightclub outfit was inspired by Tom Holland's character in The Crowded Room. Chicago PD 2x08 quotes. Shameless by Camila Cabello. Eyes Don't Lie by Isabel LaRosa. Strip That Down by Liam Payne. Middle of the Night by Elley Duhé. Lips on You by Maroon 5. Church by Chase Atlantic. 

Anyways, what about we go to the chapter? Let's go!

Hours later, Adam arrives in the district, ready for his undercover assignment with Jay in a couple of hours. 

Aiming to look like a rich businessman and powerful drug lord, he is wearing his most expensive elegant black suit, black formal pants and shoes, and his blue shirt from the police uniform, he gelled his hair to throw it completely back and is wearing fake golden jewelry. This doesn't fit his style at all and he thinks he is ridiculous; will Michael buy his disguise? 

He goes upstairs to find his team already there, wearing more formal clothes than usual but more comfortable than his to be comfortable and efficient if they need to raid the place if things go wrong - he is hoping it won't be necessary. But he is missing Jay.

"Where is Jay? I can't believe I arrived before him!"

"Right behind you! Miracles still don't happen, Adam." Jay's voice echoes from behind him. The team giggles and he turns around, ready to taunt the man when his jaw drops seeing him.

Jay doesn't seem like the Jay he knows from work. He is wearing simple but exuberant tight clothes: black shoes, a low waist skinny dark blue jeans, and his small dark blue shirt has the three first buttons opened and showing off his ripped abdomen. Also, he is wearing makeup: shiny black eyeshadow around the eyes and a cat-eye liner perfect for a night out and making anyone fall madly in love diving into the pitch-black depths of Chicago nights in his eyes - did he do it or did the girls? The tight clothes show off his smooth skin and his defined muscles way too much to not look at it. He should not look so oblivious - try to disguise himself to not embarrass himself and Jay - but he can't stop himself. It's like begging him to look and go for more, to crave it as his. Thinking about them going among a lot of people and they might have the same reaction as he makes him feel a little…jealous and possessive? He can't be in love…No! He is just worried about his best friend and coworker's safety in an undercover operation, it's only that. 

"Adam, are you ok?" Jay's voice makes him wake up from the daydream.

"Yes, yes, I'm okay, why the question?" He fakes neutrality. 

"Oh, nothing, it's just that you have been staring at me mouth-opened for at least three minutes with us calling out your name without responding." Then he pales. 

"No, it's just…I'm amazed…you seem different and good." He wanted to say gorgeous or handsome or got like he wanted to because it would be suspicious and weird; that was his best option to compliment. He can't and doesn't want to see his team's priceless faces as he is embarrassed. 

"And extremely uncomfortable, I must add. It's too tight for my liking. But it's for a good cause, I can tolerate it. And I liked that you liked it." He offers a small comforting smile to him, warming and melting Adam's heart instantly. He wanted more smiles. Could he be in love with him? "So, when are we going under?"

Jay finds himself again staring at the nightclub from across the street like years ago but, this time, different from years ago, he can't walk away due to his traumatized doubting mind after returning from the Army. He has to get in. He has a mission there with Adam. He won't be left on his own with bad companies like before. He is feeling ridiculous and dirty for his outfit, makeup, and what he will do to Adam to get attention - he will owe him so much after this. The team is hidden, parked in the alley nearby, ready to invade if things go extremely south. Adam is wearing a minuscule camera and a minuscule microphone in his clothes - they didn't find adequate Jay wearing those equipment too as he was going to do the most dirty work and seeing it from just one source would be more than enough.

"One of you say something so I can check if the audio is working." Atwater's voice comes from Adam's microphone.

"Something." Jay jokes to lighten the mood. 

"Audio and video clear, your little idiot." Atwater replies in a mood and they can imagine him rolling his eyes at the playful answer.

"I love you too, man."

"Are you ready?" Adam asks. 

"Yes, let's go. Let's get into characters." He says, offering his hand to him to hold on to like boyfriends do.

"So this is a gay nightclub." Adam says the obvious when they are crossing the streets, his hand sweating under his touch of nervousness of the uncomfortable mission ahead or embarrassment for his cover situation.

"Yes, it is. So?"

"Gay people might have sex inside right?"

"Yes, like heterosexual people might have sex inside a heterosexual nightclub. Have you never gone to a nightclub before?"

"I have gone to a heterosexual nightclub before, yes, more times than I can count because I was too drunk to remember." Jay looks at him from his side eye. "Don't tell Burgess." He rolls it. "But w hatever we have to do to come across convincingly here, I'm prepared." He gets straight right before getting in, looking deeply right into his emerald hypnotizing green eyes - what a gorgeous peaceful sight for his brown eyes. Jay turns around as he sees people in line already staring at them. 

"So noble of you, darling, but it will be my time to play." He sweetly lands his hand on the man's upper chest, flirting, before grabbing him by the hand and running inside. 

Without receiving time from Jay to process the flirty touches outside, he is rushed inside and gets perplexed by what he is seeing. The building is immense in size and height with two floors, many blinding strong colorful lights equidistant from one another in the ceiling illuminate the dance floor in the rhythm of the music played. The room is crowded especially near the circled bar, right in the middle of the room, or in the corners where the drug abuse and sex are happening out of control and surveillance. People are closely dancing, drinking, flirting, and kissing on the dance floor, having the time of their lives. No sight of their target yet. 

Jay is leading the way through the crowd to the bar to talk to Antonio's informant while searching for Michael and slightly ignoring the flirty looks he receives from multiple men around. Quite the contrary to Ruzek who is getting more and more jealous as he sees the flirt with his coworker and more and more…hard…as he watches Jay walk in the sensual music's rhythm. What is wrong with him? He doesn't even realize they arrived at the bar when his partner talks to a woman: 

"Hey, girl, I want a tequila please." Halstead isn't drinking tonight - as far as the case doesn't ask for it to come across convincingly anyway, it's the matched code with Daisy, the bartender, and informant, to inform they are the undercover cops and to know if the owner is there. She nods and, seconds later, returns with a small cup of water and a piece of paper under it. He reads it in silence, winks at her, and drinks the water. "Michael is here. He is in his room, hidden northeast across the dance floor. Two armed security guards the door. We have to wait until he leaves to act." He whispers in Adam's ear which has the microphone on for everyone to listen.

"I have an eye on the door." The brunette cop says, looking over his shoulder to where two enormous guys are seriously standing, wearing sunglasses and a pistol in the holster, in front of a door. 

"OK, wait until he leaves to perform." Voight says. Adam can barely hear due to the loud music before leaning against the balcony like a gangsta. Halstead gets closer and lays his head on the man's shoulder, leaving the man's chest - and the camera - free from view. Adam slightly shakes and shivers when their bodies touch. Breathless and his heart racing, he doesn't know where to put his hand, on the detective's hips or his lower back - it would be so unethical and unprofessional towards a senior detective on so many levels. Jay notices his nervous indecisiveness: 

"You have to act like I'm your boyfriend to catch Alexander's attention so put your hand wherever you want on me. Think of me as a girl, if you prefer, your girl." In my dreams, I do anything I want to you. Oh, if he put his hand where he really wanted to, the former soldier would certainly knock him out with a well-given and deserved punch and an unhonourable resignation. He inhales his perfumed perfect hair - what an adorable sweet smell - before asking playfully: 

"And how do you pretend to do to catch his attention?" He would never expect such a reaction from Jay of all the people. He turns around in his arms, forcing him to grab him by the lower back by reflection, and getting on his tip-toes to talk in his ear: 

"You are about to figure it out on the dance floor!" There are just inches in between them now and the tension in between is clearly there, the eyes don't lie. Supposedly just friends don't get this close nor their hearts should beat at the same frequency and rhythm. Both of them want the other to give in to the temptation or just give in themselves. Jay shakes his head to vanish the tension but still under his character, continues: "Showtime!" Adam leaves his daydreaming and looks at Alexander leaving his room with his bodyguards on his tail, following Jay to the dance floor. He is in the hunt for another victim or business.

"We have eyes on Michael, heading to the dance floor." Adam says for the microphone as they move, keeping their eyes on their target the whole time. 

You know I love it when the music's loud

But c'mon, strip that down for me, baby

Now there's a lot of people in the crowd

But only you can dance with me

So put your hands on my body

And swing that round for me, baby

You know I love it when the music's loud

But c'mon, strip that down for me

In the middle of the night, in the middle of the night

Just call my name, I'm yours to tame

In the middle of the night, in the middle of the night

I'm wide awake, I crave your taste

All night long 'til morning comes

I'm getting what is mine, you gon' get yours, oh no, ooh

In the middle of the night, in the middle of the night, oh

When I put my lips on you

I feel the shivers go up and down your spine for me

Make you cry for me

When I put my lips on you

I hear your voice echoing all through the night for me

Baby, cry for me

When I put my lips on you (when I, when I, when I)

When I put my lips on you (when I, when I, when I)

Just turn off the lights and you could be my private dancer

When we close the curtains

You and me can forget all our manners, oh

The neighbors must think that we're crazy, baby

'Cause look how easily we keep coming undone

You wanna be reckless, restless, right until tomorrow

And I'll keep leading you on

If you keep leading me into your room

The drinks are all gone

But that's fine, baby, so am I

Surprising Adam at the remixed song, Jay stops on his track and starts dancing to the sensual rhythm of the music, sweetly colliding his back against the man's chest before hitting the ground and returning to his feet slowly. Every movement is made by rubbing his body against the other like a couple. Still impressed by Jay's dancing skills - and slightly hard for seeing and feeling the fit muscled gorgeous body against his, Adam, clueless about what exactly he should do except being paralyzed like a statue, starts playing along with his partner and puts his hands on the man's hips, guiding slowly his rub to one side to another.

He had never heard attentively the lyrics but he wished he had because, somehow, the dirty passages relatable to his will now: in the middle of the night, there are a lot of people surrounding them and the music is loud like he loves but all his focus is on Jay sensually dancing with him; however, in the depths of his dirty hard mind, all he wants is to be led into Jay's room, close his curtains and him stripping all the clothes down, forget all the manners, get what is his respectively reckless, crave his taste restless and tame him all night with his lips on him until the morning comes and all the other man can do is cry his name. Ok, he might have gone too far in his exotic wild desires but it's undoubtedly clear he is in love with Jay. Oh, shit! Is he bisexual or homosexual? This case is making him discover himself and create self-awareness. 

Jay is having fun dancing and seeing Adam playing perfectly along with a homosexual undercover character - he is proud of him for handling it, it isn't easy and he used to perform the inverse role daily, an eternal undercover mission before opening up - despite being on a serious mission for a crucial purpose. He sees people staring at them like they are truly a couple - including Michael, whom he made eye contact with for a while and he could see he liked. He throws his head back to lay it on his shoulder, exposing his neck, and Adam inclines upwards to kiss it possessively - he sees Michael's and Jay's eye contact and other people looking with desire at his partner. Despite future embarrassment for being in a crowd but unable to resist such pleasure provocation that makes a shiver run down his spine once in a while, Jay moans and immediately reddens realizing what he has done. The blonde laughs and taunts them with a sexy voice, whispering in his ear leaving goosebumps and butterflies in his stomach: 

"Did you like it, boy?" Jay reddens even more and elbows him sweetly and playfully. The man's voice is making him hot and then he feels a package against his lower back. Having a clue about what it is, before he can taunt back, a new voice appears behind them, overlapping the music:

"You two seem to have a lot of fun and he is putting on a brilliant show, I'm impressed." Michael Alexander. They achieved their goal and caught his target's attention. Jay fakes the embarrassed shy scared submissive boyfriend and hides behind Adam. Michael smiles while looking at him progressively; the look isn't passed unnoticed by Adam which makes him turn on an alert. "You are here for business, right? My name is Michael Alexander in case you don't know me which I certainly doubt." He offers his hand to shake with a smirk. 

"You are right, I know you and I have come to negotiate a partnership with you, I'm Ryan Keyes, by the way." He accepts the waiting hand and shakes it firmly.

"Nice to meet you, Ryan. I see you brought your boy to play.” They both look up his shoulder at the detective getting reddened for the attention. Pissed off, Adam replies: 

“Yes, playtime…for my boy.” He emphasizes the two last words and Michael doesn't get it as a threat like it pretended to sound. 

“What about you follow me to my office where we can talk properly and your handsome boy behind you can put on a private show again." Alexander offers. Adam hesitates for a second: would it be a good idea to follow him to the office where the three victims were probably killed, especially with their target showing a sickening interest in his partner? He wished he could talk to Jay or hear Voight's order over the microphone, something impossible due to the loud music. Before he can answer, Jay steps forward and says with his most sensual grave voice he can perform, staring deeply into the criminal's eyes: 

"We would love it. Show us the way!" Michael smirks and winks at him before motioning to the couple to follow him through the crowd in the direction of the room he had previously left moments ago.

“We are moving.” Adam whispers in his microphone located on the sleeve’s shirt. 

“We are watching everything and running the guard’s face on the recognition system right now.” The team speaks for the first time in a while - which is good because it is awkward and embarrassing enough knowing they are watching the dancing and hearing the noises and the conversation; commenting on every single thing would be over the top. 

They step inside as soon as the owner opens the door and step aside to make room to get in. The room is relatively small - isn't more than twelve square meters - but chic: two enormous red leather sofas facing one another with two red leather armchairs on each side. A small red frigobar full of expensive drinks is on the opposite wall. A small wooden table in the center above a red carpet contains a lot of empty beer bottles, cigarettes, and leftover heroin. In the back, there is a stage with a pole dancing right in the middle, connected to the floor and ceiling, with colorful lights and sound professional equipment in the ceiling and the corners of the stage. It seemed like a mini-theater.

Michael sits on the sofa facing the door’s wall where he can see the stage and pats on the other side to where they should sit. Adam leads the way to the opposite and sits as far as possible from him, gesturing to his undercover boyfriend to be on his front. Jay comes and obeys, sitting in front of him and lying his head and back down on the right side of his chest, not blocking the camera’s view. Both cops hear their hearts beating fast with the contact. The fury in Michael’s eyes, however, passed unnoticed.

“What about that show, boy? The stage is yours!” The owner says smiling, faking a sweet tone behind a mad jealous one underneath as he presses a button on his side and the music Strip That Down by Liam Payne starts. Jay smiles kindly - faking kindness because the least he wanted was to perform for him- and gets up, squeezing Adam’s left shoulder to indicate he is good and that he can go ahead with the negotiation. Adam turns around to face him while he starts making some movements against the pole - since when does Jay know how to pole dance? 

“Adam, keep an eye on Jay. We will try to invade the camera’s security system to cover your back too.” Voight says over the microphone, a pinch of worry in his voice - an unusual sentiment in the voice of the cold-hearted man. No one is liking the way this is going. 

“So, Ryan,” Michael starts, scratching his throat to call his attention. “which business do you work with to look out for me?”

“Drug business. I used to run in an alley in the countryside of Illinois with my associates but I wanted something more, to achieve greatness, and build an indestructible empire, in a big city like Chicago; they were okay with being insignificant so we broke up and I moved here. By contact, I heard of you and I knew you were the one to make a partnership and grow up. I have drugs of the best quality and a great public from the country who would go anywhere, including here, to get high and you can make even more money.” Alexander raises his eyebrows and serves himself a glass of whiskey, offering it to the cop who kindly rejects it instantly.

“Tempting offer. And you are good with words, I have to give you the credit.” He takes a sip and licks his lips while facing Jay dancing and rolling his hips on the stage like he was a piece of meat at display; Adam’s fury - and jealousy: how can this man dare to look at him like that - is increasing. “I'm kind of leaving this business, replacing it with another one.”

“Wow, can I know what is about?” He tries the impossible, ripping out a confession in their first meeting over their suspicion of his involvement in the sexual traffic ring. It was worth the shot. Michael chuckles, shaking his head.

“You are funny and brave but naive. I'm not saying to you this right now; I don't trust you yet.” There he goes. “But I might consider accepting your partnership for the drugs for now.”

“It is too good and easy to be true.” Erin expresses her suspicions. “ Michael is smart, he wouldn't accept this quickly an offer from a man he only saw once without getting something winnable in return.”

“That's wonderful, I can bring it tomorrow so you can see and test the quality. Business done!” They can finally call off a night and he gets up and offers his hand to shake, checking Jay - body touching the pole and throwing his head back as he slides down to the floor, he is magnificent.

“It's still not close, hush man, sit down. I might accept under a condition.” He smirks playfully, looking up behind the glass and taking a sip. Adam shivers and Jay, with his back turned to the man, slows his movements down to listen. 

“And what conditions would it be?”

“I have my way with your handsome hot boy.” Everyone stops. 

In the van, the cops look at one another, perplexed by the unexpected horrific condition. 

Adam looks behind him where Jay is paralyzed on his track, with his back turned to him - goddammit, he could have turned around and come closer by now to help him deal with the situation with a tip. What is he supposed to do? Reject the condition and not get into the case, allowing more and more people to die from overdoses across Chicago? Throw his colleague and best friend - and the man he might be in love with - to the wolf and catch the cracks pieces of what will be left of him when the investigation is over? He has heard that soldiers and cops must be willing to take whatever risks to accomplish a mission but having sex with an addict drug lord and - probably - sexual trafficker is way too much. He doesn't know what to do and Jay isn't giving signs of life behind him so he acts on his best quality - be confused:

“What?”

“What you didn't understand? Do you want me to draw? It's simple. It's your fault you brought such delicious meat to a conference and it happened that he is my type. You want a partnership and I want your hot boy for a couple of minutes. It's a win-win situation, it's fair. I'm not going to mark him too much, just enough to remember me, if that's your worry.” He talks casually, smiling. Adam’s blood is boiling and all he wants is to jump at his throat and beat him for all the dirty comments he threw at his colleague. “What do you say? It will seal the deal!”

“No way Jay is doing that! Leave immediately!” Voight barks order over the microphone. 

“So do you want me?” Jay says low for the first time since he entered the room and turns around slowly, sexually looking straight at his eyes deeply.

Since the proposal came out of the target’s lips, he was paralyzed. What should he do? He doesn't have another option. He isn't willing to make out with a stranger - especially if this stranger is a criminal - for a case but it's against his moral compass to let people die from an overdose when he could have inhibited it. Serve and protect the people even with the sacrifice of life. In Rangers and police, he learned sacrifices were worth it to save people’s lives; that's the reason why, in the first place, he became a soldier and a cop. He knew Adam was with his hands tied, confused, without knowing what to do or say; it's proved when he interrogated to make sure he heard right. Maybe Voight and the team are screaming in his ear to leave immediately or else they invade because it is too risky. However, it's his call to make, he might be on his own because there is no way Adam will accept what he sees and it's better to plead for forgiveness than ask for permission when civilians’ lives are at stake. He justifies himself later.

He leaves the stage throwing side eyes to Adam, barely nodding at him - and consequently the team - to say he got this and slowly walks in Michael’s direction and sits by his side, tracing a finger up his legs and throwing his legs above his before reaching the knees. He is pretending to flirt as long as he can instead of going straight to the business. The criminal doesn't waste any time, quickly and wildly grabbing him by the inferior part of his thighs and managing the cop on his lap, crotch against crotch - Jay feels the other man’s hardness beneath the clothes and it makes him sick thinking he is the cause.

“Security, leave the room and lock it. Stay behind it and do not let anyone try and get inside or I will kill you and the person.” He orders his security man who nods and rushes outside. “Ryan, are you staying or leaving?” He asks, running out of patience.

“I'm staying.” Ruzek announces stuttering paralyzed, sitting on the farthest armchairs automatically to not fall. If Jay had pretended to enjoy the opportunity to announce themselves as cops and arrest and make Michael confess his crimes and everything without his guards’ presence, that would have been the perfect time but he can't deal with him alone and now Adam isn't a great help. Although he would definitely be on his own, he would rather Adam out of the room instead of watching it - he feels like he is betraying the team and his undercover partner; it hasn't passed unnoticed to the former Ranger some behavior of the brunette since he came out as gay to the unit or his hardness against his lower back in the dance floor moments ago and, truthfully, Adam is gorgeous and his type - but he will never admit feelings, afraid of misunderstanding the sign and ruin one of the most important relationships of his life. Or he will have to play along with the owner or the team will find a distracting plan before Michael is satisfied enough to make a deal.

“If that's your wish.” He barks, a little mad at the inconvenient man’s presence in the room he is about to make out. Halstead thinks of turning around to order him to leave and let him alone but Michael grabs roughly his chin, bringing him close to whisper in his ear: “Don’t worry with his presence, sweetheart, I'm making your cheat worth it for our business and your pleasure.” With that, he throws him on the sofa and climbs above him, making Jay yelp at the sudden rapid movement.

The nightclub owner leans down on top of him and connects their lips in a possessive way, inhibiting breath space from the man underneath for the heavyweight and tall height above him - he is bigger and taller than Jay. His hands don't stop: start going up and down his clothed body, analyzing and feeling every defined muscle of his training. To not seem like a dead weight and compromise the successful operation, Jay moves his hands to the man’s lower back and waist and applies some force in time to Alexander break the kiss. But he hasn't stopped yet - he is far from the end as his predatory hungry wild eyes mean it, Jay swallows dry. 

Could he have made the wrong call in proceeding with the man’s sick proposal? There is definitely no turn back now so he has to pass through it. 

Michael sits on his ankles to grab the undercover cop’s wrist and pin them above his head with one hand. The other one expertly unbuttons the closed buttons in his shirt and takes it off his chest and arms in a swift motion, quickly grabbing the man’s wrist. He whistles, hungrily eyeing Halstead’s chest up and down: 

“Your mommy and daddy made you delicious, boy. I have made the best decision ever in picking you in that crowd.” He lies on top of him again to lick his jawline, following his neck, sucking it - he will leave covered in hickeys, dammit - before biting the junction of his shoulder, ripping a scream out of Jay’s throat. Michael chuckles and returns ravaging his mouth and comes down slowly, his free hand travels down his chest and abdomen muscles and reaches the hem of his pants and underwear, putting his hands inside it to squeeze Jay’s ass who groans and throws his head back. Unfortunately, despite his will, all the teasing is making him hard. This horrific fact doesn't go unnoticed by the drug lord. “I knew you would love me, little boy, I can see right through you.” He smirks. “Let's take things further, shall we?” He unbuttons and unzips his pants, grabs the hem of his pants and underwear, and pulls them down together in one movement, leaving it on his ankles. Jay blushes and shivers when the cold air hits his skin.

He looks at Adam still sitting paralyzed in the armchair, face red - if it's from the embarrassment of being his work colleague that submissive himself to another man shamelessly like that or can't contain himself and his hardness (after all, he was moments ago in the dance floor and maybe the stimulation received is just too much that's why his suit is on his lap…) and is in pure shock at what is happening in front of him, looking at his laying naked body stand there. He doesn't want to even think of what is being the team’s reaction, most specifically and frighteningly Voight’s reaction, behind that camera, in that van in the dark alley across the street. He would love Adam to leave…

His attention returns to Alexander when he listens to the man unbuttoning and unzipping his pants and positioning himself…until his phone rings somewhere behind them. He screams in frustration and punches the sofa, his fist colliding one inch away from Jay’s face before getting up in a hurry to attend. Jay releases a sigh of relief he doesn't know he is holding on but doesn't dare to move or put his clothes on, afraid that whatever is heard in that call can be discounted upon him.

“What do you fucking need, your motherfucker?... Am I mad? Of course, I am! You fucking bothered me in the middle of a date with a hottie, in the best fucking part on top of that!... What happened? I'm praying that it was a good reason unless you hate your existence and want heaven before fucking time!... No way! Are they stupid? I'm killing someone tonight! I'm on my way!” He aggressively turns off the call, and zips and buttons his pants before returning to the sofa, climbing on top of a motionless Jay. “Unfortunately, my boy, I have to go. Some friends of mine messed up and now I have to solve it.” He gets closer to the cop’s ear to hotly whisper: I'm never forgetting where we were interrupted. Whether you want it or not, I'm going to find you one day and I'm finishing you nice and slow.” He slaps Jay’s penis and he moans despite himself:

“Oh ok.” He smirks. Michael smirks before capturing his lips possessively and turns his attention to the other man: 

“Ryan?” Adam looks up when he hears his undercover name being called after so long quietly. “You have a deal! My phone number is on that paper on the balcony, text me and wait until I call you for our next meeting. Be grateful for your hot boyfriend’s sacrifices for it!” He says, unlocks the room, and leaves. Adam can't help but stare fixedly as Jay gets up in an instant and starts to put on his clothes quickly to leave that goddamit nightmare place, feeling dirty from head to toe. This night was over for him. He is going home whether they like it or not. Tomorrow they can brief over what happened. 

“Adam?” He whispers when he sees his partner daydreaming, his head on the moon. “Ruzek?” The man looks up, eyes lost. 

“Let's go.” He says and starts walking away. Jay, clueless, can barely keep him on as they walk through the dancing drunk crowd. The hands on his, the catcalling whispers here and there about him, the dirty looks at him, the deafeningly loud music, and the smell of drinks and drugs in the air are overwhelming him. It's just too much. He can't handle it anymore, tolerating one second in this nightclub for the rest of his life. He can't go slower even though Jay is requesting it to keep the rhythm and the undercover characters up.

They cross the street speechless, side by side, already out of character, and looking around to see if somebody is watching before getting in the van. The team widens their eyes when they see him - although they feel like he has just swam into the tidiest teenager’s room ever, he is ok because they got the deal. He is worried about Adam though and his sudden silence. He smiles shyly and sits on the left side of it, Adam in front of him looking like a lost puppy. No one dares to say anything due to the crashing intense cold tension in the air so Atwater drives away.

As soon as they park in front of the garage in the district, everyone still in the automobile, Hank breaks the tension. 

“Halstead?” His sergeant calls out. “Are you ok?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You didn't have to do that, go so far.”

“We got the deal, that's what matters doesn't matter the consequences. One step ahead to close the case and save innocent lives from dying.” He says like that was nothing, just a walk in the park. “I just need urgently to take a shower and try and take him out of me.”

“Everyone goes home, it is a rough night. We meet again tomorrow at midday here.” The team nods and they start leaving to their cars.

“Jay?” He turns around to see the brunette behind him.

“What?”

"I just wanted to say sorry.”

“For what? You didn't do anything wrong.”

“I didn't do anything there. I paralyzed and left you on your own. Let me make up for you.”

“You don't have to make it up for me. But, right now, you are in shock, both of us aren't in the mood to talk about it and we shouldn't be alone tonight. You are coming with me to my apartment, get in the car.”

Hope you liked this one! See you soon!

Chapter Text

Hi guys! How are you? How about we dive into another chapter?

Happy (late) Christmas to those who celebrated the date; for those who don't, happy Sunday-Monday night - in my opinion, the best and most wanted Monday of this year. Happy (advanced) New Year's Night, hope that all your dreams come true in this renewed beautiful year: 2024.

This story is inspired by one that already exists: it is called Backseat Serenade made by PhoenixKaizen.

References: one of the Army photos is the one shown in 9x03 in Knox’s house. Jay’s and Hank’s quote in Chicago PD 2x03. Hank’s quote in Chicago PD 3x17. Inspired by Antonio’s quote in Chicago PD 4x08.

Warnings: talk about drugs, grooming, molestation. 

Anyways, what about we go to the chapter? Let's go!

Previous on chapter 3:

“Halstead?” His sergeant calls out. “Are you ok?”

“Yes, I am.”

“You didn't have to do that, go so far.”

“We got the deal, that's what matters the consequences don't matter the consequences. One step ahead to close the case and save innocent lives from dying.” He says like that was nothing, just a walk in the park. “I just need urgently to take a shower and try and take him out of me.”

“Everyone goes home, it is a rough night. We meet again tomorrow at midday here.” The team nods and they start leaving to their cars.

“Jay?” He turns around to see the brunette behind him.

“What?”

*I just wanted to say sorry.”

“For what? You didn't do anything wrong.”

“I didn't do anything there. I paralyzed and left you on your own. Let me make up for you.”

“You don't have to make it up for me. But, right now, you are in shock, both of us aren't in the mood to talk about it and we shouldn't be alone tonight. You are coming with me to my apartment, get in the car.”

The drive to Jay’s apartment is silent. A deafening silence. 

What should they say after all that happened?

For Adam, is inexplicable and unjustifiable how he reacted - or how he didn't react to be exactly - as his friend was groped, molested, and almost raped in front of him and he did a big nothing, just sat there and watched - he even got hard for God’s sake. What should he say? How do you apologize for something like this? Of course, he won't mention he got hard - he will take this dirty secret to his grave. And now he has been driven by Jay to his house. How is he taking it so easy and normal like any other day on the job, a walk in the park? Is it just a facade to help him alleviate the guilty complex in him for his failure? That's the only appropriate answer because there isn't a way someone gets this calm after passing what he went through. He didn't have the time to brief the happenings with the team, especially Voight, but he genuinely feared Michael near Jay again after all they witnessed tonight - the atmosphere, the sickening deal, the wink and looks, the flirt, the touches and gropes, the possessive attitude, the kiss, the licks, the molestation, the naked wet state Jay was left when the man received the call, the ultimate thread in the end. Obsession. A renewed sense of protectiveness flows through him: what are Michael’s plans?

For Jay, it is explicable and justifiable how he reacted despite hating every single moment. It was the only way to close the partnership and advance the murder investigation in the worst way possible. He faked his consensus, a sacrifice for the greater good. He was groped, molested, and almost raped by a possessive man in front of his team and all he did was play along instead of fighting him off. He feels dirty and used, ashamed of himself, a traitor - the atmosphere, the sickening deal, the wink and looks, the flirt, the touches and gropes, the possessive attitude, the kiss, the licks, the molestation, the naked wet state Jay was left when the man received the call, the ultimate thread in the end. What other options has he had? Bodies are exponentially dropping fast if they don't act fast. It was worth it in the end because they got the deal. That is what matters. Now, his tremendous wish is to take a long refreshing shower and viciously scrub the man out of him - it will demand so much effort and time. However, his great worry isn't himself - he can handle it perfectly fine, it is Adam. The silence from the usual talkative man is bothering the hell out of him more than it should. Guilty, rage and, maybe, shame have been irradiated from him since the moment he accepted Michael’s conditions. He doesn't know what to say to take the blame out of the man’s shoulders. How he wished the man had left the moment the criminal asked what he would do - it would have been easier. He doesn't blame him though - he would feel the same emotions if roles were switched - they just needed to talk in private and in an informal place to ease the bad feelings. Analyze if the brunette is still capable of handling the undercover assignment or if he is clouded by emotions to continue. That's why he invited him over to his house - although he would love to have another reason for it. 

Still speechless, Jay parks the car and leads the way upstairs to his apartment on the third floor of the five-floor building. 

“Make yourself at home.” the owner breaks the deafening silence as he steps back to make room for his guest to get inside. 

“Excuse me.” Adam looks around, taking the room in. He has never been in his house and he wonders who might have been there - maybe Erin and Alvin. The living room and kitchen are smaller than his but the harmonic contrast between the brown wooden furniture and the white walls welcomes warm and comfy - seems like Jay. Another relevant aspect is how incredibly organized and clean the place is - it's a sight for sore eyes like the owner; there isn't a single cup or plate in the sink, a piece of used clothes thrown away somewhere, all the pictures on the wall are perfectly lined up. Perfection. 

“So, I'm going to take a needed shower. Make yourself at home, take a seat, and turn the TV on, there are beer and pizza leftover in the fridge and snacks on the cabinet.” Jay announces and leaves in the direction of his bedroom.

“Ok, thanks.” He thanks him and stays paralyzed in place. What should he do while the man is gone? Although he was suggested to make himself comfortable, how can he after the mess they went through? He feels like he is an intruder.

The process of waiting is a bitch - he was never good at waiting patiently for something or someone. He looks outside the window for a while, watching the cars pass by until he gets bored. He sits on the edge of the sofa - a very comfortable sofa, by the way, better than his - looking at his foot until it gets bored. He starts passing through his cell phone until it gets bored - also, Burgess sends him a message that she was told what happened and wants to know how and where he was because she wanted to pass by; he can be a jerk to your opinions but he isn't in the mood to answer. Then he gets up to get and analyze the four photos in the entryway dresser.

The first photo is of the Intelligence after a succeeding operation - he didn't know he had kept the photo like Voight has in his office. The following ones are a photo of him, younger, wearing the Army uniform and long guns with other guys, in some desert - Jay is a closed book in many aspects of his life, they only know he was part of the Rangers and did two tours in Afghanistan before coming home and attending the Police Academy. The following photos are of him and a woman crouched down hugging his small version tight in one of them and in the other, a redheaded teenager, a few years older than him, holding him in a rear naked choke while smiling genuinely broadly to the camera. They must be his family and friends…

“This is my brother Will.” Jay says out of nowhere - since when he was being watched touching his photos without authorization? - wearing a loose white T-shirt and shorts. “It was the day he was accepted into New York Medical College, he told the news in the nearest park where I was running. This woman is my mom” He says, grabbing the other picture and smiling. “It was on my first day of kindergarten, she wasn't the type of person to take photos but she was so happy for me, maybe happy that she would finally get some peace and time for herself.” He chuckles and grabs the next photo. Adam notices the lack of photos of his father and he remembers the day he opened us to the unit, he mentioned his dad’s hate towards him just increased when he told his family to the point he has never seen the man again. What a jerk! He prefers keeping this matter aside. “Then here it is me, Elliot Knox, and Gregory Gerwitz, my closest friends in our quarter in Afghanistan for the first time. Then here it was my whole team is the second tour overseas. We were so newbies…” He reveals, putting down the photo and walking to his kitchen to grab a beer for both of them. Adam follows him. 

“Do you still talk to them?”

“No. As far as I know, Will is in New York partying, drinking, and getting himself into trouble more than finishing his studies. Maybe Elliot is still in the Army, I don't know, after what he did, I prefer to stay far from him. Greg is somewhere in the city high as a kite, he tried to adapt to civil society but got addicted to drugs and alcohol, it's been a while since we last talked. The rest of them are all dead, killed in an ambush against our Humvee, I was the only survivor. My mom died from complications of cancer during my second tour, I returned in time to hear her pardon and her acceptance of my sexuality and watch her die right after in front of me.” Jay explains neutrally for such a harsh tragic life of his while opening two beers and handing one to the other man, mouth-opened and speechless as he accepts the drink. Halstead walks past him to sit on his sofa while Ruzek follows, sitting on the opposite side.

“I'm truly sorry, man. About everything, your past, and for not protecting you back there. I should have interfered.”

“If we work on the what ifs or should have of life, we would never move forward. Just keep reviving the past over and over won't change it at all.” He says, taking a sip of his drink - his voice hoarsens a bit and Adam finds it sexy but keeps a stoic face listening. “If you had interfered, we wouldn't have the deal and more bodies would continue dropping across town. The cost of it was high and I'm praying I will never have to repeat it in the future unless it is truly necessary. However, if I had been rejected or you had interfered, we didn't get the deal and more people died in the same way, I would never forgive myself because I had the chance to stop it. We can make it worth it. We have to. I need to know if you are okay to continue playing.”

“Of course, I can stay in. I'm ending it with you no matter what it takes. We are going to make it work.” Ruzek responds confidently, that's the last thing he can do to make his sacrifice worth it.

“Good.” Jay smiles - the unique kind of smile that can bring one to his face despite the horrific situation - and raises his beer for a cheer. “By the way, you did an excellent job as a gay businessman there, congratulations. I'm proud of you.” Adam can't contain the blush on his face and the shy smile at his compliment.

“Thanks, mam. You did it excellently too as always.” Jay smiles back again and gets comfortable on his sofa.

“So, what are we watching?”

“You decide, you are the house owner and I'm leaving soon so you can properly rest.”

He never left.

Adam stretches out and slowly opens his eyes to a different ceiling. He looks at his surroundings to see he isn't in his clothes - he is wearing a baggy blue shirt and pants - and not in his bed in his bedroom in his apartment. The smell of hot coffee and the sound of something being cooked in the kitchen invade the bedroom he is in.

Where the hell is he?

That's when he remembers the previous night, the nightclub, Michael, Jay, his house, the talk, the drinks, his house…what the heck is he doing on Jay’s bed, wearing his clothes? They couldn't have done anything…

He sits up on the edge of the bed before getting up when a wave of dizziness flows through him and a headache dominates him…clear signal of a hangover…shit! What has he done the previous night? When he is feeling good and stable enough to stand, he gets on his feet and walks to the living room and kitchen, rubbing his forehead to alleviate the ache. But the sight in front of him, when he steps into the man’s kitchen, is what alleviates his ache completely - Jay, shirtless, his defined muscled back turned at him as he cooks eggs and pancakes and makes coffee. He knew he shouldn't be staring at like a maniac - he learned from his parents it is disrespectful to stare at people especially behind their backs without them knowing - but he can't help himself when it is about Halstead. 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” The owner greets him with a smile, and turns around - the movement allows the officer to see the red raw hickeys covering his neck, the vivid format of teeth on his shoulder junction from where Michael bit him hard, and the mere formats of hands in through his body where the man holds down firmly, the most impactful and vivid one, though, is on his wrist where he was pinned down. Rage makes his blood boil. He takes his shirt to put on, realizing the marks are intimidating and bothering his guest. 

“Good morning. What time is it?”

“9:40 am. We just have to be in the district at midday, it's cool. I'm making eggs, pancakes, and coffee for us, I hope you like it but I have more things in the cabinet and fridge, explore and get what you want.”

“No, not at all, what you are doing is excellent. Sorry for not helping with making but let me deal with the dishes.” He grabs the plate delivered to him as they move to the balcony.

“Sorry for my half-naked state before, I'm used to being alone and I thought you would take longer to wake up.” Jay scratches his neck, shoulder, and torso sweetly.

“That's not a reason for an apology, Jay, you are the host.” this vision is a paradise I would want to see every fucking moment. He completes it in his mind as he would never think it out loud.

“And you have seen this before too, right? There isn't a reason to be ashamed now.” Jay says it out loud. Adam offers a sympathetic smile for the lack of an verbal adequate answer.

“What happened last night? Why did I end up sleeping on your bed wearing your clothes? Where did you sleep?” Adam questions the detective in a row who chuckles.

“You don't remember, do you?” A shake of the head. “You must promise you won't feel embarrassed of yourself or ask for forgiveness because it is normal to happen once in a while with everyone.” A hesitant nod. “So we started drinking a lot while watching a game until you got slightly drunk and with a stomach ache to the point you threw up all over yourself. I helped you strip off it to wash and put on my clothes. After this, you laid down on my bed and passed out like a baby so I took the sofa to not bother you. Your clothes are already cleaned but are drying on my clothesline, it must be dried this night.” Jay explains casually, scratching again his upper part.

“Shit! I'm so fucking sorry, Jay, what an embarrassment! I own you one.” He passes his face over his face. What a great impression he gave to the man he is in love with!

“I told you to not feel embarrassed or apologize for it. Trust me when I say I have done this to worse in a stranger’s house after sex and drinks. And, don't worry, I can take you home before heading to the district to change into your clothes. This will be our secret, no one has to know about any of this, ok?”

“Ok. Thanks, Jay.” Jay scratches them one more time. “Stop scratching yourself or else you are going to hurt yourself badly.”

“But it is aching. I'm going to pass an ointment that I have and wear makeup or a scarf for today to cover up. I guess I still have left from the last time. It's not like I haven't passed through it before anyway.” Jay admits, smiling shyly.

“Changing the topic, your eggs and pancakes are delicious.” Ruzek feels the need to change the topic, knowing that all the scratches and hickeys are from something non-consensual that could have been avoided by someone badly intentioned is making his blood boil and guilt consumes him alive - what he doesn't want Jay to know, otherwise, he would blame himself.

“Thanks. You can pass by any time to have breakfast with me more informally, even past the night. Game. Drink. Gossip. Boys night.” Adam shivered with the proposal in a good way; he was being invited to his house. 

“The other way around too.” He offers. Jay winks. 

This is the moment where Adam Ruzek realizes he is in true love with Jay Halstead. 

This is the moment where Jay Halstead starts developing feelings for Adam Ruzek.

Forty minutes before midday, Jay arrives in the district after leaving Adam in his home to get changed and drive to work.

He knew what type of conversation it would have in a few moments. An interrogatory. In which he would have to explain and defend himself over the general disapproved self-sacrifice attitude act the previous night.

At least, he is on terms with Adam. Talking about him, he is falling in love with Adam. Adam is his type. He knows it is wrong, like a prohibited love due to their different sexuality - he is homosexual and the man is heterosexual. His crush on Adam is nothing more than a platonic love, an illusion of what they could be if he was gay and liked him back, a guide for him to move forward to finally get together with someone with the same characteristics as Adam. He would love to have invited him over to his house like the previous night under other circumstances and another outcome - being dominated and having sex with the officer. It's been a while since he went to someone’s bed or his own with someone…he would love that, instead of Michael above him molesting, groping, trying to rape him on that sofa, it was Ruzek touching and marking him correctly so he could enjoy that. Ruzek’s reaction of getting hard when he was dancing against the brunette in the nightclub is merely a biological response to the stimulation he was receiving. He feels guilty for it - he was receiving the right stimulation in the right place, however, under the wrong circumstances by the wrong person. Anyway, that isn't happening so he needs to swallow his feelings and move forward.

“Good afternoon, Jay.” His thoughts are interrupted by Voight arriving ten minutes after him - it's one of the few times he remembers the boss calling him by his first name.

“Good afternoon, boss.” He replies, trying to sound as natural as it didn't happen what they saw - like his boss didn't see him dancing against his coworker or naked and about to get raped by a criminal to make a deal from a camera. Too embarrassing. In a matter of seconds, everyone arrives in the district, a few minutes before midday, and greets Jay.

“Good afternoon, guys.” He greets everyone back and locks eyes with the brunette he saw one hour and a half ago, wearing his normal clothes and a bag in his hands. “Adam.”

“Jay.”

“Are you ok, Adam?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Are you ok?” Hank asks sweetly - another untypical behavior of the grumpy boss in front of his desk.

“Yes, I'm fine.” He responds promptly and straightens his back, looking at everybody. 

“Why the scarf? It's kind of hot here.” Erin says. Immediately, Jay starts scratching it out of nervousness, enough for to Atwater take a glimpse.

“Is it hickeys, from him?” Jay only nods, adjusting the scarf to cover up. They all sight in frustration. 

“I'm truly and formally sorry for what you and the team have to see in the van from the camera and Adam lively. The whole thing. I would wanted to save you all from the embarrassment of watching it and that is what I regret, not what I did. I understand if any of you see me differently after this and if it's for the best of our harmony and evolve professionally or personally, I can leave the unit as soon as we are over the undercover assignment. It was illegal and I faked consensus, a crime against me and my integrity, but I would do it all over again to close the vital deal to bring down Alexander’s organization until more bodies appeared. If it happened and I didn't accept the condition, the unique chance of a lifetime to try and stop it, the blame would be on me and I wouldn't be able to live with the pain of more innocent young blood, this time on my hands. I will sign whatever I need to sign admitting I did it on my own, releasing the city from liability if something worse happens to me during this case. Serve and protect the people even with the sacrifice of life; that's the mantra I have lived by since the Army and for which I would die.”

“Jay, at any moment we are blaming you or judging you. What you did yesterday for this city, although the most serious risk to put yourself in harm's way I have seen someone take to complete a mission in my entire career as a cop, it's admirable.” What? Is he dreaming? Hank Voight is complimenting him. He widens his eyes as he watches the man get closer. “I have to admit, I would never do what you did if I were you in that place and I bet that most of the cops in this department wouldn't do it either. I would find another way to sell the deal without offering myself, for sure. No one thinks less of you or wants you to leave, quite the opposite. We are the ones who should be apologizing to you, especially me, because I should have interfered but I was paralyzed, watching you sacrifice yourself to him for a deal. I left you on your own. I will never be able to compensate for it but incriminate Michael for sexual harassment and tentative sexual assault when we arrest him. All because of you. There isn't a need to let the department know about what you did if it makes you uncomfortable, we can omit it for your good, and preserve your dignity. This family will know. I'm lucky to have you in my unit.” Voight opens a little smile and offers his hand to shake. Jay, eyes sparkling because he just got an appreciation for one of the people he wanted the most, takes his hand to shake. Then, the detectives come at him to greet him as well. Adam comes quickly - the words they needed were already changed - and stays behind, looking at his phone ringing. Antonio is the last one.

“I'm glad you were shot saving my sister whom you were having a date to bring you here. I just brought you up because you were dating her, I thought you were going to become family. But, seeing the type of cop you are turning out to be, I know I made the right choice to bring you up. I'm proud of you.”

“Thanks, man, it means a lot!” Having the recognition of the whole team, especially his boss and his mentor, in one day, is something for a few, a lifetime experience. 

“So, coming down to business, on what feet are we on the deal? Michael left his phone number to you, right, Adam?” Voight asks, looking at the brunette who still checks his phone. 

“Yes. Actually, as you were talking, he texted me.”

“Really? That was quick!” Erin says out loud. “What does he say?”

“He wants to meet today in three hours in an abandoned warehouse to check the drugs and exchange the first package.”

“We can't arrest him yet, not before we confirm he is involved in the death and the people trafficking ring.” Alvin stats.

“That's true. Confirm that you are going and the address.” Adam nods and texts back. “We are going to be there in case something happens. Try and get him to talk another the other business he mentioned too.” Adam nods again and looks at his phone, widening his eyes.

“Shit!”

“What?”

“He says he is only trading with me if ‘my hot boyfriend’ goes as well.” Adam says, spilling poison in his tone at the man’s conditions to take advantage of. Alvin, Erin, and Hank look at one another. 

“Confirm that I will be there.”

“Are you ok with facing him so soon? If you need to take your time…” Jay can distinguish the guilt-consuming Voight from the inside out as the man shows off loving gentleness - he knows his boss cares for him but he is horrible to show, especially towards the former Ranger due to their harsh beginning of the relationship. 

“No, that is no need. We are going to make it work. I will need to change my clothes at my house though.” Frankly, Halstead isn't in the mood to meet the criminal again so soon - except for the day he would be arrested - but if he is looking for the right mood to come, it's better to wait for eternity sitting. It would never come.

“Ok. Adam and Jay, go home and get yourselves prepared, we are going to find drugs exemplary for our show.”

“ The camera and audio are perfectly working.” Kevin says through Adam’s earpiece. The equipment is installed in the front mirror, aiming at the exterior to catch the images and sounds of the trade.

“Five minutes before the meeting and he isn't here yet.” Adam complains in the driver's seat, checking his watch from under his lilac social shirt and phone, hidden under his social black pants, every minute and the road ahead for signs of Michael Anderson arriving.

“Take it easy, he is coming on time.” Jay says back in a tentative to calm him down, looking in the rear mirror to fix his pink tight shirt under the scarf and the pants and his little makeup - nothing exaggerated like yesterday but captivating to Adam’s heart beat faster and dick craving to come to life. “We have been for only fifteen minutes. At least you are all having a minor taste of what is like to wait in the bullpen until you decide to appear.”

“I arrive on time for the shift…” Jay looks at him by his side eye and an eyebrow raised. “Ok, most of the time I arrive on time but you are the one who always arrives earlier than usual, you make yourself wait.” the green-eyed man sweetly touches his arms, interrupting his speech.

“He arrived.” They watch the black SUV car approach, stopping five meters from them. “Sarge, Michael just arrived.” They watch as Michael leaves the car from the passenger seat, leaning against the front of the car as his henchmen stand by the driver’s door, holding a weapon. 

“Copy that, he is armed, don't go too far from the car, or else we will not hear a thing, and be careful.” Hearing their boss’ final orientations, they take out his seatbelt and are about to open the door to leave when Ruzek holds Halstead down by the arm. 

“Stay here.”

“What?”

“Stay here.”

“Why?”

“I'm talking to him. We made his condition by bringing you, now he has to make the exchange and confess a bit in our way.”

“It's too risky. I can stand back, near the car, but he needs to see me. I don't know if he saw me. If he thinks you fooled him, his henchmen might kill you, break the deal and we return to square zero without one man.”

“Stay here. If I need you, I will call you. I'm taking the reins of this now.” Adam says and leaves the car without giving time to counterargument. Jay buffs and stays in the car, attentive in case of action.

“Hey, Michael.”

“Hey, Ryan. First of all, I want to apologize for leaving hurriedly yesterday and abandoning our handsome boy in his treatment. I joined a new business recently and things are going out of control, you know what I mean.”

“I see you brought your buddies.” He changes the subject - although the new business can be people trafficking - as he feels his blood boiling with the way he is talking about his partner and refers to the henchmen and the gun. The criminal takes out his sunglasses and looks at his driver quickly before returning, grinning. 

“Yes, I brought my friends, I just met you yesterday, bro, I still don't trust you enough to come on my own unarmed. I think, though, I requested you to bring someone along…where is your hot boyfriend?”

“He is in the car with your drugs.”

“Tell him to leave and come here, I want to see him.”

“There isn't a need, this will be a quick game: drugs for money, and both follow our way until next time.” Alexander rolls his eyes and, in a matter of seconds, takes his gun out of his holster, pointing to Adam. The henchman does the same.

“Shit! We got two guns!” Kevin says. 

“Shit, Adam! I fucking told you this might happen!” Jay murmurs and fixes his clothes to leave.

“Call him now or I'm shooting you and taking your drug and boy with me forever!” Adam curses himself as he hears the passenger door opening and the eyes leave his surrendered form to land on the new element. Jay, with his hands in the air, searches for Adam’s eyes to comfort the man and leans against the car. Michael smiles widely as he inspects the undercover cop’s outfit like the predator he is.

“Hey, little boy, I missed you. You look good.” Jay blushes a little. The criminal then looks behind his subordinate. “Let's check them out for weapons.”

“I swear we didn't bring anything except your drug in the car.”

“As I said, I only met you yesterday, I still don't trust you one hundred percent. I'm being cautious. I'll be fast if you cooperate.” He says as he points his henchman to Adam and walks to Jay - of course, he would be the one to check him out, nothing more than a mere excuse to touch his friend inappropriately.

His henchman does little work in checking him out, searching superficially - thank God for it because he could have seen his point on the ear and this would go south for both of them quickly - and nods to his boss that the man was clear. 

Michael nods and, smirking playfully, motions Jay to spread his arms and legs which obeys, keeping his face upright and stoic facing the horizon. Slowly, he comes from his ankles and moves up and in the direction of the inside part of his tights, barely ghosting his crotch to slap and squeeze his butts. Jay, taken by surprise, flinches and jumps forward a little, colliding his body against his molester who chuckles and taunts.

“Not now, baby boy.” Adam buffs and makes a fist, trying to control himself over the harassment in front of him - if looks could kill… 

It is far from over though as his hands take out the shirt from the pants and go underneath it to touch his ripped abdomen and defined back, inches from one another. Michael has his eyes penetrating Jay’s soul to rip out a satisfied reaction as the detective keeps looking upright as stoically as he can. He then takes his hands out - Adam doesn't miss the sigh of relief from Jay at this moment - but moves to his scarf, taking him out and throwing it on the floor. Halstead gulps dry seeing the man’s eyes shine with delight and pleasure - the man’s penis coming to life - as he admires his marks on the neck and shoulder like a masterpiece painted by him in a museum.

“I see what you are trying to hide.” He taunts, firmly passing his finger on them until hearing a moan despite his will, Jay blushes with shame. One hand moves to his lower back to bring him closer as the other goes to his neck, strangulating him a little. “Naughty boy. You are more beautifully marked although it isn't enough for me. I would prefer some more here.” He slaps Jay’s ass and earns a yelp and a little ashamed desperate laugh - that was more than enough to Adam snap. 

“I don't think this is necessary. He is clear from weapons, isn't he?” Alexander looks at him frustrated and annoyed with being interrupted twice and whispers into Jay’s ear - the hand around the neck leaves but he keeps his hands on the man’s lower back near him like he is his to control, his possession; Jay just craves to turn around and break the man’s hand right there.

“I will make it up for you someday, bitch, mark you nicely without interruptive audience and some additional items for our further enjoyment.” He then looks at Ruzek. “Where is my drug?”

“In the car.”

“Get it now.” He barks an order and the blonde moves to get the bag in the backseat; he is armed and near the man he is in love with, who is sending looks of a formation that he has to keep moving, and under the character, he is fine.

“It's all here, five kilos of the purest and the highest quality cocaine so we start on the right feet.” He opens the bag in the direction of the criminal. “Where is my money?”

“Great! Grab the bag.” The criminal, apparently satisfied, orders his henchman who nods and goes get the bag. He searches through it and takes out five rolls of money.

“Just five rolls for five kilos?! This is fucking unfair!” Adam replies - they need more evidence to incriminate him further. The cops see a glimpse of rage from being questioned over that quickly turns to a look of intimidation and pleasure as an idea. 

“You are audacious, Ryan, I have to give you the credit.” He smirks. “I love it in a businessman. Look, I can offer so much more,” He lifts the bag “I have a full bag of money right here as you see, but it comes with a price” The hand that was resting on Jay’s lower back moves to the front of his pants, threateningly in the edge of the hem. “I don't know if you are willing to make your boyfriend pay for that after all he did yesterday for the deal.” In a swift movement, the hand disappears inside the pants and underwear grabbing and strongly squeezing Jay’s penis. Halstead growls in pain and tries to breathe for the sudden lack of air as stars and tears appear in his vision, his knees buckling.

“No, no, that's enough, let him go!” Adam screams at the top of his lungs as he sees his friend struggling on his feet to get air in his lungs from the unbearable pain - the urge to shout he is a police officer to take him arrested and beat the shit out of him for daring to touch his boy is agonizing but that wasn't the priority of the moment, it was Jay.

“That's what I thought. You are the perfect size, boy, that's my address, appear there someday for a good fuck.” The criminal puts a card under his shirt and lets go of his genitalia. Jay falls on his fourth on the ground, then rolls on his side to grab his aching member above the clothes. Adam almost breaks out of character as he dives next to him to check on his friend and undercover partner, groaning. “I will call you back for our next meeting, Ryan.”

Hope you liked this one! See you soon!

Chapter Text

Hi guys! How are you? How about we dive into another chapter?

This story is inspired by one that already exists: it is called Backseat Serenade made by PhoenixKaizen.

Burzek fans, what I wrote about them in this chapter is just for the plot so Adam and Jay can get together, don't cancel or kill me, please. 

I just realized that I totally forgot to include Sheldon Jim in the precious chapters…pretend it didn't happen and he was here the whole time. 

My graduation party is tomorrow! I'm so thrilled for it! An enormous stressful work for a year to one and a unique magical night! 

References: Erin Lindsay’s quote in Chicago PD 3x15. Getaway Car by Taylor Swift. Adam Ruzek’s quote in Chicago PD 8x16.

Warnings: kidnapping, implicit threat of sexual assault. 

Anyways, what about we go to the chapter? Let's go!

Previous on chapter 3:

“Just five rolls for five kilos?! This is fucking unfair!” Adam replies - they need more evidence to incriminate him further. The cops see a glimpse of rage from being questioned over that quickly turns to a look of intimidation and pleasure as an idea. 

“You are audacious, Ryan, I have to give you the credit.” He smirks. “I love it in a businessman. Look, I can offer so much more,” He lifts the bag “I have a full bag of money right here as you see, but it comes with a price” The hand that was resting on Jay’s lower back moves to the front of his pants, threateningly in the edge of the hem. “I don't know if you are willing to make your boyfriend pay for that after all he did yesterday for the deal.” In a swift movement, the hand disappears inside the pants and underwear grabbing and strongly squeezing Jay’s penis. Halstead growls in pain and tries to breathe for the sudden lack of air as stars and tears appear in his vision, his knees buckling.

“No, no, that's enough, let him go!” Adam screams at the top of his lungs as he sees his friend struggling on his feet to get air in his lungs from the unbearable pain - the urge to shout he is a police officer to take him arrested and beat the shit out of him for daring to touch his boy is agonizing but that wasn't the priority of the moment, it was Jay.

“That's what I thought. You are the perfect size, boy, that's my address, appear there someday for a good fuck.” The criminal put a card under his shirt and lets go of his genitalia. Jay falls on his fourth on the ground, then rolls on his side to grab his aching member above the clothes. Adam almost breaks out of character as he dives next to him to check on his friend and undercover partner, groaning. “I will call you back for our next meeting, Ryan.”

In silence, Adam circles Halstead’s back while watching Michael Alexander and his henchman leave the car. Just when the sound of his motor faded from his hearing area, he talks to Jay out of character: 

“Hey, Jay, I'm with you. How bad is the pain?”

“Hurts…like…shit.” He answers between his short breaths, controlling the pain.

“I'm truly sorry, dumb question. Do you think you can get up so we get to the hospital or do you want me to call an ambulance?”

“I don't need a hospital even less an ambulance. I just need an ice pack at the district.” He then hears the sound of a motor approaching from behind their car. Shit! Could Michael be returning? He lifts his head to check it out and sighs in relief at the sight of Voight’s car approaching, the other right behind him. The relief lasts a millisecond, becoming anger. What took them so long? Why didn't they arrive before? 

“Adam? Jay!” Erin shouts as she leaves the car and runs in their direction. They are all running at them. “Oh, God!” She falls to her knees at the sight of her partner on the ground, down in a world of pain. “How is he? How are you, Jay?”

“Where the hell were you guys?” He gets up in a jump and looks around at the team, pissed off.

“We couldn't approach and mess up your characters, Ruzek.” Voight explains but, now, this explanation is nothing more than bullshit. He fakes a cold tone but it's obvious he is mad at Michael for harassing his detective for the second time and not doing anything about it - for now; they are all mad, watching as Jay struggles to sit with Erin’s help.

“But then you let your teammate get severely hurt?!” He shouts back, the emotions - love - getting the best of him and clouding his logical thinking. Obviously, his behavior isn't passed unnoticed by anyone on the team, everyone shares a look, understanding where this overprotectiveness is coming from - not saying that he wouldn't be madly worried if it happened to someone else but happening to Jay, happening to someone you love, is different. 

“Ruzek, they are right…And I'm fine, not severely hurt…Let's go.” Halstead manages to get up but is limping, legs pressing against each other to alleviate the pain, and puts a comforting hand on his shoulder - he needs his friend with him, not fighting for him. 

“Here, let me help you get in the car. I will take you to the station.” Instantly, Adam backs down from the argumentation and focuses on the injured man, putting his left arm across his back and Jay’s right arm above his shoulders to take the maximum of his weight as they, slowly, walk to his car and drive away. 

The clothes borrowed from Adam in the district are enormous on him but are perfect for his purpose of hiding the maximum he can the ice pack he is holding against his lower parts - he isn't in the mood to explain to his neighbors what happened to him - as he, clumsily, makes his way to his apartment, Adam in front of him with the key to unlock the door and carrying their bags. 

Nothing major happened to his lower parts, it's just a bit redder and swollen than they should be but the pain would bother him for the day. Jay would be a new man the following day. Either way, Voight gave the rest of the day off to the whole team and, like the fatidic night of the nightclub, Ruzek and Halstead will spend it together at the last man’s apartment. 

The drive was, again, a deafening silence, Adam immersed in his own thoughts, and Jay wanted to talk this out but was apprehensive he would cross Ruzek’s private space so he stayed quiet. 

“The clothes fit incredibly well and they smell amazingly like you.” He breaks the silence when they enter his apartment, moving to the couch and sitting with a groan as the brunette takes the liberty to put their bags in his bedroom. 

He isn't lying at all or creating a ridiculous pep talk just to break the heart-wrenching silence - the heart-wrenching silence from the talkative man he is falling in love with; noticing people’s aromas was something minimal and insignificant to most people but never was for him, something he learned from his mother - a way to gift people easily because you show you know them and a way to recognize and create memories with loved ones. He has always loved Adam’s scent: the vanilla and sweet grass perfume he has used daily since the day they met contrasts spectacularly. Intensely sweet but not sickly sweet. Spicy at the right level too. Perfect, just like him. 

“Yeah.” He answers coldly and it bothers Jay. 

“I can take them off now and wash them for you if you don't like me wearing them, Adam. You take them with the others dried from yesterday night.” He lets go of the ice back and grabs the hem of the borrowed blouse to take it off.

“It's not it, Jay.” The brunette finally looks him in the eye, done with the unfair silent treatment he is putting on. “I love you wearing my clothes. You can even stay with them if you feel comfortable with it. I just wish it was under another circumstance.”

“What circumstances?” Jay smirks playfully but quickly apologizes and steps back. He can't flirt with a heterosexual man like Adam - especially since they work at the same unit, it's such a lack of disrespect toward his colleague that he wants to punch himself in the face so hard. Shallow your feelings and move forward, Jay! He whispers in his head to himself. 

“That doesn't matter now.” Adam hears the playful comment and smiles shyly but doesn't have the energy nor is he in the mood to get excited about it due to the disastrous circumstances they are in, that's why the harsh answer. 

“That's something more bothering you, right? I can feel it, you have been absurdly quiet since we left the warehouse instead of being the talkative guy I know.” Being the talkative guy that I love and it's freaking me out. “Spit it out. It's just us here.” Adam sighs, hating what he is about to say because it will let his partner down, as he turns around to face Jay. 

“I think we should leave the operation or, at least, you can't meet Michael again.”

“What? Why?”

“Why? Your answer is why? You see the way he looks at you, Jay. He is dangerous, being close to him is dangerous. I can't tolerate you near him.”

“Do you think I'm enjoying it?” Jay asks, pointing at himself, indignant and rhetorically, putting the ice pack on the table. “That only the thought of him is making my skin crawl in fear? That only the thought that I moaned like a prostitute many times with his dirty touch makes me want to beat myself up? That only the thought of obliging you and the team to witness and watch me getting naked and almost raped makes me want to quit Intelligence and leave as far as I can? I hate it, I hate myself that I'm putting myself into his harassment for a job but it's necessary!” He raises his voice a bit.

“So let's make it stop! You don't have to feel this way any longer. The team and Voight and the department will get it if that's your worry!” Adam raises his voice as well. 

“We can't! It's not about them I'm worried about. I'm worried about the citizens who I fucking swore to protect when I left the Academy. Young people’s lives are at risk. Chicago is at risk! It's part of the job, it's not every day we will come home unharmed. I accepted it years ago. I have always lived by the mantra and it's not now, due to a fucking molester drug lord, that I'm quitting!”

“But you have to. I can't tolerate seeing you next to him in this way. Your life isn't less valuable for you to put yourself under these risks.”

“It isn't that my life is less valuable, it only comes in second place when it comes to protecting the city I love, protecting the citizens and the team I love.” Adam rolls his eyes, the man said in other words

“I can't lose you and I can't see you getting hurt without doing nothing, Jay. I can lose a lot of people and watch people get killed in the job except you.”

“Do you think I can't handle myself out there? That I won't make it out alive someday?”

“It's not like that, you have proven yourself to survive hell and back, and how wrong and stupid we are for underestimating you.”

“It wouldn't be different with any other of our team if they were at my place.”

“It would be very different with them actually.”

“Why and how would it be very different? What is it?”

“Because I'm in fucking love with you!” Adam shouts and, surprisingly, the world slows down, frozen. The world was theirs, it was their moment. No movement because they were paralyzed in front of each other. No scent fills the air. No sounds except their fast heartbeats. Both men are looking at each other deeply in the eye, one processing what he confessed in the heat of the moment while the other processes what was confessed was true. 

“What?” Halstead murmurs. 

“I'm in love with you!” Adam repeats, this time low. “Since the moment you opened up in the bullpen that day, my feelings for you have changed. I'm trying to deny it, thinking that I wasn't into you for love but because of all the wrong dates I had with women and you had all the values and characteristics I was searching for, and hide my feelings for you and everyone but I can't anymore. I realized, between all our time together here and undercover, that I'm really in love with you. When you were dancing against me in that nightclub, you must have realized I had never felt so alive. When you were surrendering yourself to Michael for that goddamn deal, I wish it was me there and you were doing it consensually. You make me feel good like no one has ever made me feel wherever you make me smile in my darkest days with your fucking enchanting smile or a smart joke or just by your presence in the same place as me. You make me feel safe every time you touch and squeeze my shoulder to let me know the team is ready and you have my back to raid or when you tackle a suspect down and interrogate him. I find myself wanting to be like you, know you better, and be with you all the time. All the small little things that make you incredible and hot: I fell in love with your sarcastic and sassy commentaries; your punctuality in the morning and your extra hours every night every day; your organization here; your kind and gentle behavior towards victims, kids, and us and your badass respectful behavior to criminals; the way you focus on the cases to the point to get yourself hurt if it has to especially if it has children involved; how you transform yourself from the badass cop to one of the funniest and enthusiasts guy on Molly's as you get comfortable to be yourself while drinking and watching a Chicago Bears or Blackhawks’ game; how you look out for everyone on the team; putting on you goddam black thigh holster; your outfits that enlightens your sculptured defined muscle bodies beautifully; your arm veins pulling out whenever you cross your arm over your chest; your tall height, fine and muscular body, soldier-style brown hair, contagious laugh, shine smile, bright green eyes; your optimism, altruism, ambition, bravery, heroism, fearlessness, moral compass, golden heart, pure mind. You are handsome as hell and I don't know about you but I have always seen and heard the people on crime scenes or operations pointing at you and commenting about you and, somehow, it makes me jealous and overprotective over you. So when Michael is savagely and possessively touching you in my face and looking at me like he has won you as his prize, all I want is to painfully kill him for it. So, yeah, it would be quite different if it was any other in your place. Because I am in love with you.” Ruzek is breathless when he finishes his confession. 

“Adam, I'm…” Halstead tries to start talking but gets interrupted.

“I'm sorry, Jay, I know you don't feel the same and I just messed up our whole friendship. Do what makes you feel good with my clothes. I'm leaving.” The brunette announces, grabbing his bag in the bedroom and heading to the door in a rush, head down as he passes through Jay, tears threaten to fall from his eyes like waterfalls.

“No, wait, Adam…” The former Ranger tried to grab his partner’s arm but the man got away. 

“I can't be with you. You are too good for me. When we close this case, I'm leaving Intelligence so you don't need to see me anymore. Goodbye, Jay.” Adam takes a step back and hugs with one arm the apartment owner from behind gently before leaving for good, closing the door behind him and crying copiously the whole way downstairs, in the direction of his car. 

Jay stays paralyzed for a while before moving to sit on his couch when his knees threaten to fall under him. 

He was expecting a lot of things in the aftermath of their discussion over sticking or not to the undercover assignment but a love confession on his part wasn't on the list. 

Adam Ruzek is in love with him. 

Now with the confession, looking back attentively, he can notice the signals: the jealous looks his colleague gave every time someone whispered or catcalled him at crime scenes or the magnificent admired looks at him wherever they were in the same place - especially since the beginning of this undercover case - the unconscious proximity they craved for wherever they were, the natural behavior of his to be himself that Jay adores like the brunette was comfortable around him and he felt the same, how he would smile easily and brighter just like he does, how they would redden every time they received a verbal compliment or a comforting touch by the one of them when things were rough to the other, how he reacted when the undercover assignment was assigned to them as a couple, how he reacted seeing his unnatural tight outfit and exuberant makeup and his to the serious businessman attitude he put up, the hardness on the dance floor, the protectiveness sense since the harassment in the nightclub with tough fatal looks and clenched fists…and, well, like noticeable, he has feeling the same for a while now.

He is in love with him too. So why didn't he admit it? 

First of all, the brunette didn't let him talk and now is gone. Second of all, they couldn't do it. Voight would never approve them due to the ridiculous ‘no-in-house-relationship’ rule and the boring eternal bureaucracy they would face in Internal Affairs by dating a coworker, obliging them to break up or one of them move somewhere. Also, there is the danger of the job…what if Adam gets badly injured or killed? Or the prejudice of their coworkers outside Intelligence thinking and stressing Adam out because he was only dating a superior officer to have advantages like being promoted quickly or going to wherever he desired or working in whichever case of his interest. The prejudice of the society…he doesn't want Adam to go through the same intolerance he endured. Also, he is afraid of how to love someone like you who has never loved properly, always taken for granted. All his relationships were a one-time thing and the times he thought it would last and he confessed, he got betrayed or abandoned. Adam’s love life wasn't one of the best as far as he knows too. Can you believe in falling in true love after all this tragedy? 

However, they have nothing to lose. Due to the unexpectedness of their dangerous job, everything can happen. They can not return home the day they left it for the shift…they have seen it happen more than times they can count, unfortunately. And the ones who stay behind wonder and regret until their dying days not having told one more time - or for the first time - their love for the person gone. 

Enjoy life as vastly as possible before their time is over. 

True love comes once in a lifetime for the majority of the people. What do they have to lose by staying together? 

Fuck Voight, they can prove to him they can work together efficiently despite the romance. 

Fuck Internal Affairs, they can pass through endless piles of boring repetitive paper to stay together. He would go willingly to wherever godammit place they sent him over so Adam could grow in Intelligence alongside the best so they could be together. 

They would protect each other and be there for each other when hurt, no matter the state. 

Fuck the other opinions of their relationship, if only they would know the truth about why they are united, so be it. 

Fuck an intolerant society, it's unfair to keep hidden just for being who they are. They would protect each other from them and heal one another when things were tough while fighting against them like he had done all his life.

They could love each other like they deserve to be loved, healing the traumas from old relationships to grow up and evolve better each day. 

For Adam, he would risk it all. 

Love can really make people do crazy things and the best thing is that you can't control it as you spend your whole life chasing it…and it has finally arrived for them. 

It's their time to love. 

“Adam!” He mumbles under his breath and gets up, running. “Adam!” He screams and opens the door ready to run after him wherever he was by now. 

But he doesn't go far from the door frame. 

Coming face-to-face with the barrel of a gun. 

Adam cried himself to sleep that night and still barely slept. 

How could he after destroying one of the most important friendships in his life because he could hold back his feelings? He has done it for so long, he only needed to keep going the way he was…

How will things be with Halstead in the bullpen while he is still there? How will things be with Halstead in the case as long as it takes? He even didn't let the shocked confused man speak in his own apartment because he couldn't hear his disappointment towards him, it would have been too painful. He doesn't even want to think of the tense shattered atmosphere he created in the bullpen at the moment the green-eyed man would lock eyes with him. He doesn't even want to think how they will stay near each other in front of Michael as Jay will try and create the further distance he can from him. He always wanted Intelligence but he would go willingly to wherever godammit place Internal Affairs would send him over so Jay could grow alongside the best so they could be apart and forget the embarrassment he created. 

How will the Intelligence members react to it? Especially Burgess whom he had a case. After failing with three girls, he out of nowhere appears to like boys. His dad would say he was a letdown of the family. 

What Jay is thinking of him is the most essential. How did he have the nerve to destroy everything that was going south in the operation by splitting out a secret? How his moral and ethical codes would be compromised by his impulsive troublemaker codes? How they being together was an illusion, they would never end up together because he is better than him and deserves someone better - which is totally true. He would ruin Jay. How he regrets having met him and becoming friends with him to have this outcome. 

He just had to handle the awkward tense atmosphere until the end of Michael’s case…he can handle it. He hopes so. 

That would be a hell of a day.

He arrives in the district, head low and quiet, smiling shyly at Platt’s sarcastic usual greeting. He sees her happy light face turn into a worried complexion watching his destroyed exhausted complexion. She calls out for him to return but he ignores her for their own good, heading upstairs and looking at the ground.

When the last step of the stairs appears ahead, he takes a deep breath, instantly looking up to find Jay’s desk….

Looking up to find Jay’s desk empty.

The rest of the team is already there but he only has eyes on his crush’s - work partner’s - table. 

It's empty for this moment, he thinks, Jay might be putting a coffee for himself in the breakroom or taking a break in the locker room - or, worse, hiding somewhere by doing another activity to not see his person so soon in the morning. However, as he looks and analyzes his desk attentively, he notices the lack of his phone and keys above the small pile of paperwork on his table. The usual smell of his coffee isn't filling sweetly the air transforming the place where they witness and investigate atrocities into a home somehow. The atmosphere there is heavier than most of the days like it always is whenever the Sniper is on the field and he is in the bullpen. He swallows dry as his gut screams that something is absurdly wrong.

“Adam? Are you listening?” Erin practically screams from her table and that's when he realizes the whole team is facing him, standing there paralyzed and watching the empty desk.

“Oh, hi, yes, I'm listening.”

“How are you?” Voight asks.

“I'm ok, why wouldn't I be?” He chuckles, trying to put out the bad sensation he is feeling over the absence. “Where is Jay?” They need to clarify and come to terms with what happened to act like nothing happened until the end of it. 

“It should be us asking this.” Kevin says, chuckling. 

“What do you mean? Hasn't he arrived yet?” He asks, genuinely confused and growing worried. It isn't typical of Halstead to get late, he had never done it once since he joined Intelligence - under any other circumstance, he would be happy to finally have the advantage to taunt Halstead for the rest of their partnership - but, now, his late is worrying him.

“No, for the first time ever we are all earlier than him, especially you, congrats.” Erin provokes as well, smirking. He doesn't miss the eye contact between Voight and Olinsky. 

“We thought he was with you.” Antonio completes, also realizing the eye contact, and crosses his arms in front of his chest, his gut feeling not like it whatsoever. 

“Why would he be with me?”

“You took him to his place yesterday. We thought you would arrive together today.” Alvin declares normally. 

“And you would be the unique reason why he would get late purposefully.” Atwater continues with the jokes but his friend isn't in the mood for it. 

“No, I drove him to his apartment and…I left minutes later to my home.” He struggles to not split out what truly happened in the meantime when they were together. 

“Did you talk to him this morning, Ruzek?” Voight asks, forcing the topic to be serious to the young officers. 

“No, I didn't.”

“Erin, call him.” The sergeant orders and his almost adopted daughter obeys, dialing the detective’s number. A minute later, she hangs up frustrated: 

“He isn't picking up.”

“This is weird.” Antonio declares as they watch Platt and Burgess buzz themselves up with a paper in hand, stopping right by the blonde’s side. “Should we go check him out at his apartment? Maybe he is hurt from yesterday with Michael.”

“Adam, I just saw this letter is for you, it was delivered this morning before my shift.” The sergeant announces, handing the paper and crossing her arms in front of her as the man walks to stand next to the missing man’s desk, portraying a confused face. 

Oh, Ryan Keyes. Or I must say, Chicago Police Officer Adam Ruzek. Shame on you I discovered you are a cop. You would be a hell of a drug lord and we would build an empire together. As lovely as it would be to get my painfully slow revenge on you, you aren't my type. But, thankfully, your bitch boyfriend and coworker, Detective Jay Halstead, is. I'm finishing what I started in the nightclub with him for as long as I see fit to maintain him. I can send videos of me making him good, better than you can if it makes you feel better. See you around! 

“Shit!” He curses, sitting at the edge of Jay’s desk when his legs go weak, and gives up immediately. 

“What?” Voight asks.

“It's Michael’s letter.” All the confused faces turned into shocked ones with the gravity of the situation, getting up with their eyes widened and coming to surround the officer. 

“He figured your cover out. How?” Atwater declares. 

“Could he have seen us with him?” Erin suggests.

“Or someone in the department blew his character to him.” Alvin proposes the worst scenario ever that makes the blood boil; even though no one wants to, they have to consider this option. 

“What does he say?” Antonio asks. 

“He has Jay.” He hands the paper to Voight and passes his hands over his face. The sergeant reads it in silence, gripping it with such intensity and hate he is almost ripping it apart before handing it to the rest of the team, basically having the same reaction as him. 

“Trudy, you said it was delivered this morning before you arrived. Are there cameras downstairs that show the balcony?”

“Yes, they were installed a month ago.”

“Great, get access to the video, let's see if we can see who gave it and put it up in the recognition system.”

“Okay. I will also talk to the sergeant who received the letter to grab a description.” The desk sergeant says and rushes downstairs.

“Erin, pin up his phone and his car, let's see where he might have been grabbed.” She nods and runs to her desk. “His car and phone are still at his apartment.” She announces seconds later. 

“He never left his building most probably.”

Adam smashes the table in a frustrated rage, making everyone jump out of fear and blame himself for his disappearance. When he was kidnapped? Could he have inhibited his abduction if he just had stayed? If he hadn't confessed his feelings and stayed the night? If he had just acted in the nightclub when Jay sacrificed himself and blocked the obsession before it could even start? They wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. It's all his fault. 

“I might have been the last person to see him before his abduction. I know that it has security cameras on his floor. I'm going there to get the video.” Adam says and rushes towards the stairs. 

“No, not so fast.” Alvin interrupts his exit. “It's better if you stay here from now on until this is over. Dawson and Lindsay, you go.”

“What? No, no, no, wait a second.” He says, grabbing Dawson's wrist gently as he passes through him. The couple stopped on his track. “Why?” He turns his attention to his mentor, indignant. 

“Alvin is right.” Voight agrees. “Michael knows your true identity now and already has one of us, he can try and grab you or kill you if you step one foot out of here.”

“You have to be kidding me! You all read the letter, you all read that I'm not the person of his interest, unfortunately, because I would prefer to change places with Jay than know what Michael plans to do with him. As we argue, it's a second we waste on finding him before something drastic and tragic happens. We are already one man down. So let's not waste time and people on this bullshit! Boss, Michael is involved in those three deaths if he isn't the one who had sex and killed them. He groomed and molested Jay in front of us, he didn't go further in the nightclub because of the phone. I mean, what do you think he is doing to Jay right now?” He shouts, punching the closest thing to him. 

“If something happens to you and he gets used as leverage, Jay will never forgive himself. For his own good, you have to protect yourself.” Alvin says calmly. 

“It's all my fault he got caught.”

“It isn't your fault, Ruzek.” Burgess says kindly. 

“Yes, it is.” He shouts. “Jay sacrificed himself that night and, instead of having his back, I froze and left him on his own. I repeated it yesterday in the warehouse. And I left him alone and vulnerable yesterday because I couldn't keep my mouth shut about my feelings for the first man I accidentally fell in love with.” Adam feels defeated, without strength as he lets go of his body against his missing partner’s desk, head low, shoulder down, helpless sensation. His partner is missing. He was never good at the feeling of failure and dealing with losing people or things that were his for a moment. Imagine failing and losing something or someone that could have been yours. He doesn't realize he has split out the argument until he looks up and everyone is looking at him with soft eyes. 

“It took you too much to finally admit.”

“Yes, it took…” He answers naturally before getting what they say, looking shocked. Do they know? For how long? How did they discover it? “Wait what? Did you know I was in love with him?”

“Ruzek, you work with five investigators. Do you think you could hide it for too long before one of us realizes it especially being an open book like you are? Maybe Halstead was the only one who didn't realize.”

“Are you all okay with it?” He asks apprehensively, head low, passing his eyes at each one of them before landing his eyes on Voight and Burgess - the man who can't force them apart without even having the chance to get together and the woman he feels he somehow betrayed.

She doesn't say anything but her kind smile and eyes and her little nod of head show she is okay with it. Their kiss that night was magnificent, a fantastic heat passing through her body and butterflies filling her stomach pleasantly as their lips connected. However, a second later, she felt guilty. He was married. She was a lover, a traitor. Their relationship started off on the wrong foot because traitors never win. And, although he loved her, she could see over the months and by conversations with the other Intelligence members he was in love with Jay. The boys were meant to be and she couldn't be happier that he possibly found the one for him. She and he would be just fine as friends with memories. 

“You know I don't usually approve romantic relationships in my unit for some reasons that don't fit right here and now. But, you two are grown-up adults. So as long as you two promise to stay professional here and separate personal from work life, I don't see any problem.” Everyone is speechless and stunned at his open declaration, not expecting this flexible reaction to that strict rule he created especially Adam. Erin smiles at him proudly. 

“I appreciate it, sarge, I really do.” Adam’s eyes spark with joy before turning cold. “But I don't even know if he likes me back actually.”

“Didn't he say nothing back?” Burgess asks.

“He tried to say but I kept interrupting him. I was afraid of what he was going to say like how embarrassing I made him feel or that he never wants to see my face again so I ended the matter and left crying.”

“Adam, you know Jay and his heart. If he needed to talk seriously with you like rejecting you, he would never scream at you and embarrass you. Moreover, I think he might like you back.” Erin says, knowing the green-eyed man better. 

“How do you know? Did he tell you something about me?” He asks, quite hopeful of reciprocity of his feelings from the missing man. 

“No, he never told us anything, you know how much of a closed book he is. But now some signals pass through him wherever you too are close.” Sheldon Jim rushes upstairs from the back stairs, computer in his hands, out of breath. 

“Guys, changing the topic completely, Platt told me about Halstead. Adam, didn't you see anything unusual on your way out of Jay’s place?”

“No, I didn't.” The technological officer moves to Jay’s desk and puts the computer on it. 

“Come here to see this.” They all turn around to see the paused frame of a dark brown hall which Alvin, Erin, and Adam quickly recognize being Jay’s hall. “This is Jay’s hall seconds before you and he entered his apartment.”

“How were you able to achieve these videos?” Atwater asks. 

“I hacked into their system.” Everyone looks at him shocked by the news - not doubting his abilities but it was coming from an illegal source. 

“It is to rescue our guy urgently, I don't see a problem.” Adam says coldly, kneeling on the ground and leaning against the desk, straight eyes fixated on the screen. The team share a concerned look at this behavior but let it go. 

Sheldon presses the button and the video starts playing. It shows the couple entering tha apartment, Jay clumsily a little bit noticeable from the painful impact while holding the ice pack against his crotch while Adam carrying their bags. One minute later, an unknown guy passes through the apartment stopping right in front of it, and digits something on his phone before walking away - Ruzek buffs in fury, the man was just outside Halstead’s door. 

“He knows where the camera is by the way he faces the ground and keeps his back to it. It's impossible to see his face from this angle. Are there any other cameras?” Erin points out. 

“No, there aren't more cameras, it's one per hall in the same position. The stairs also don't have cameras on, I already checked.” 

Five minutes later, Adam emerges through the door holding his bag while crying in the direction of the stairs - to the same side the mysterious person disappeared. The brown’s eyes water and his hand cover his mouth when the heavy comforting hand touches his shoulder - he doesn't have to look to know it's Kevin. The following minute the mysterious man returns, this time masked with a black ski mask covering his whole face and a gun in hand, aiming it at Jay’s door. Their breath gets held at their throat when Halstead opens the door shouting something undistinguished but doesn't go far, freezing in place due to the man aiming the gun directly at his forehead. What his kidnapper threatens him with terrifies Jay to the core enough to inhibit a fight back as he is grabbed by his bicep and pushed forward, gun on his upper back as they walk to the stairs. Suddenly, the man takes out a needle from his back pocket and swings it, hitting Halstead’s neck who collapses immediately against the mysterious man. Despite the detective’s fighting against the darkness, he succumbs, allowing the man to half carry half drag the officer all the way out. 

“Now we are going to need the warrant to access the street cameras. Apart from it, we don't have anything.” The Asian descendant officer declares sadly like an apology.

“We have to work with it.” Voight declares, authoritarian voice. “Olinsky, you and I will talk to some judge to receive the warrant for these cameras. Antonio and Lindsay, you go to Jay’s building to talk to the neighbors if they heard or saw something. Burgess, you work with Platt trying to compare and recognize both men in our files about everyone who has a connection with Michael while Atwater and Ruzek search for any location and vehicle of his that can hold a cop hostage. Let's go!” The five people leave the bullpen to do what they are told, leaving the two officers alone. Adam sits on Jay’s chair, venting out comforted by the presence of his buddy: 

“He wants to finish what he started.”

“He won't be able to. Jay will fight back with all that he has to return to us, to you. We will find him before it happens. Trust me.”

He looks down, takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes.

Hope you liked this one! See you soon!