Chapter Text
"Hurry up! C'mon, Armin!" Jean hurries Armin with a quick gesture as they run towards the large building with merry lights escaping through its transparent windows.
"What's the rush for?" Armin demands as his heaving breaths create puffs of steam that floated in the air for a second before disappearing entirely.
"The dinner party! I heard they're serving meat-" Jean began saying excitedly before reaching a hand out quickly, his face looking as if he’d hit an existential crisis. "Oi! Don't you dare eat it all Sasha-!"
Seeing Sasha sprint forward mindlessly like a bull charging at its red flag, Jean did not have the patience to wait any longer and rushed ahead with Connie following close behind his heels.
"Let's go, Eren, Mikasa!" Armin drags Eren ahead forcibly by his hand. Even if Eren preferred to stay in the isolated comforts of his bed, he couldn't turn away when faced with such a joyful smile, and so he simply allowed his friend to drag him away. Mikasa, who was following closely the two, saw Eren's lips curve in a hardly noticeable smile, and seeing this caused her heart to skip a quick beat, a shy smile slowly morphing on her own face.
Humph, those brats seem to be having fun. It's almost midnight; where do they get their energy from?
Levi watched them from the hallway window as they entered the noisy room, smiling and laughing as they did so. Without needing to be there, he could already guess that it would be too overly welcoming and noisy for his liking.
But it wasn't that he didn't want to go, it's just that…
Levi pushed his thoughts to the back of his head and walked past several closed doors in the deserted hallway before approaching the second last one, one that still had warm light seeping through from underneath the door gap.
After a second of hesitation, Levi pushed the handle down and helped himself in without a sound, taking in the view of the diligent man in front of him.
"Is that you, Levi?" Erwin asked, his deep voice bouncing off the walls of the deathly quiet room; only accompanied by the sounds of the crackling fire and shifting of papers.
Levi noticed that Erwin didn't even look up from his papers when talking to him and grimaced unhappily.
"Tch, how did you know?" Levi asks with the usual irritated and on-edge tone he had when talking to others.
"Not many people dare to barge into my office unless there is an emergency." Erwin states with a light huff of laughter, Levi saw this carefree attitude and couldn't bring himself to throw his temper around.
A silent few minutes passed and Levi didn't dare take his eyes off Erwin, his heart pounded heavily against his chest; much to his discomfort.
I wonder… if you have time after you're done with work?
Big parties like those he would rather avoid as it reminded him that in the end, he was alone, reminded him that they were all dead… but with Erwin, at least he wouldn't feel as alone.
But seeing how focused Erwin was on the work rather than his presence, Levi started to have his doubts and his throat closed up- the words wouldn't come out.
"So," Erwin suddenly spoke. "You sent the papers out?"
"Yeah." Levi answers obediently, his usual energy had been replaced with a bitter hopelessness. What did I expect?
"Ordered for the new materials?" The Commander asks. Levi watches as Erwin flips to the next page.
"Yeah." He answers, despite the crackling hot fire on the side, a familiar coldness comes back to haunt his heart. I hate this damn feeling.
"The training grounds have been tidied up?" Erwin continues to question, the warm light shining brightly down on Erwin caused his vivid blue eyes to shine with that absolute confidence of his. Levi started at those familiar eyes before looking down at the floor, noticing that his shadow looked particularly small today.
"It'll do." Levi answers, feeling his stomach attempt to do a backflip as he waits for Erwin to say something, anything to keep him here. As Levi noticed his restless shifting, he quickly realized the reason why his heart was tightening every now and then, why his hands began to sweat with every ominous second that passed.
When was the last time he was this anxious?
"Very well. You're dismissed." Erwin concedes, much to Levi's surprise. Did I really expect too much?
Without a word, Levi walks over to the door and yanks it open with frustration, fingers digging into the handle as he hesitates for one last moment. Every muscle tensing as he prayed Erwin would say something, anything and it would reassure him that the other man still loved him.
"Oh, and Levi." Erwin speaks up, glancing up from the papers and observing the other man's face closely through those bright eyes of his. "Happy birthday."
Levi felt his heart finally released from its restraints and began pumping again, allowing a deep breath to enter his lungs. Reassurance spread through him.
He remembered .
But the reassurance quickly fades as the fustration returns, as the helpless anxiety grows.
He needed more than words, he wanted him beside him.
Levi spared no less than two seconds to slam the door behind him before swiftly walking through the deserted hallway and downstairs on his way out.
It's not like I'm exaggerating anything , Levi reasoned with himself as he walked towards the exit with gloom. He's the one who hasn't had the time for me for the last week.
Levi walked over to the wooden doors and hesitated, standing there whilst looking back towards the staircase he had descended from.
Perhaps I'm the only one willing to climb up the staircase for the other , he thought as he pushed the doors open with his hands.
A miniature piece of iciness fell on top of Levi's hand, before many similar pieces followed to do the same.
It's snowing.
Letting himself drown in the coldness emitted from the snow; which stole away this sickening warmth in his body, was suddenly a very attractive idea. Which caused Levi to silently venture out into the center of the vast chilliness.
This feeling… as if nothing mattered anymore; it made everything disappear around me.
Wearing nothing to cover his upper body but his thin long sleeved shirt, he closed his eyes to appreciate this addictive feeling, not seeking shelter even when his limbs have long lost all their feeling.
Then it was replaced with that sickening warmth once again.
"Levi," the warm coat, clearly taken off not long ago, wraps around his body, providing him warmth he never dared ask for. "If you stay out here any longer you'll die."
Death. Why did the word not scare me if it was not another’s demise?
"I never asked for your damned jacket." Levi mutters as he tries to take it off, but Erwin keeps it there with those unbudging hands of his, long fingers resting gently on the other’s shoulders.
"Keep it on, Levi." Erwin pleads, not failing to notice those life-lacking eyes that were present moments ago, now concealed before him.
"Is that an order?" Levi asks, eyes glaring up to stare into Erwin's compelling blue ones.
How long have you been keeping this side of you from me, Levi?
"If it's to keep you alive," Erwin says with a serious expression, yet desperation was evident in those vast eyes. "Then yes, it is an order."
Levi hears this and gradually looks away, his struggling stops and Erwin finally removes his hands.
"I haven't even asked you yet. Why're you here?" Levi begins to demand as he crosses his arms, waiting for a good enough response to satisfy his accumulating wrath.
"I promised to spend your birthday with you, that's why I've been so busy trying to finish all my work the past few days." Erwin explains with a small smile, noticing the surprise that flickered through Levi's eyes for a split second. He was glad to notice that small detail, for it caused warmth to spread throughout his cold body.
He remembered again . Levi’s breath had finally gained enough heat to begin showing in the air again, puffs of steam lingering before disappearing.
Levi unconsciously grasped onto the edge of the coat, noticing that the warmth had not faded after so long in the freezing cold. Levi then instinctively glances at Erwin and notices that he was only wearing only one layer more than him, his complexion looking a lot paler than moments ago.
How did he not notice before?
"Tsk, let's go." He mutters with annoyance, yet his softened tone said otherwise. Erwin's hand was grabbed and before he knew it, he was being dragged away to who knows where; not that he minded as long as it was Levi he was with.
Levi's hands tightened around Erwin's freezing ones, hoping that his little warmth would keep the other satisfied for the time being.
"We're going to my room." Levi mumbles without needing to be asked, knowing that if he looked back he would see those blue eyes full of newfound energy. "If you stay out here any longer then you might get sick, you idiot."
At that moment, his mind was blank but his body continued moving. He did not have any idea why he had stated the blatantly obvious; what’s more was that his room was actually Erwin’s room, but he did not ponder on it as Erwin did not ask either.
“W-Wow… d-did I just see Commander Erwin?” Armin exclaims with surprise from beside the window to which Eren just shrugged at.
“It's Christmas Day, even the Commander himself should take a break, no?” Eren states with a shrug, not understanding why Armin was making such a big deal out of it.
"I was only surprised because Commander Erwin was with Captain Levi." Armin gradually got over his shock and watched as Eren gave another irritating shrug.
"They're old comrades so-"
"They were holding hands too." Armin interrupts, this time it was Eren's turn to act surprised while Armin shrugged it away.
Even Mikasa who was listening to the conversation showed surprise. Even a guy like him has someone he's soft towards , Mikasa thought with genuine surprise before turning shocked. They're already holding hands when Eren and I barely...
"W-Well they're good friends after all." Eren tried to reason, slowly shifting towards Armin and looking outside the window himself. No way that esteemed Captain Levi would touch someone else , Eren thought as he caught sight of the two walking figures on the grounds. He hates physical touch after all...
"Wow, look at that." Armin mutters without much surprise in his voice. "They're going to Commander Erwin’s personal room."
"...." Eren had no words to refute this as he stared at the two men, one short and one tall, holding hands and walking into the building whilst closing the door behind them.
"Eren," Mikasa suddenly calls out, her voice containing the gentleness she always used when speaking his name- mixed in with a tone of dead straight determination. "Let's go over there- the game they're playing seems fun."
Eren stares for another shocked minute before finally turning around with increased tire, letting out a big sigh as he rests his hands on his waist with attitude.
"I thought you weren't the type to be bothered with such trivial- hey-!" Mikasa stands up without sparing a single second and grasps Eren's hand, dragging him away without another word. Expression impassive on the outside- yet on the inside, she was carefully cherishing the feeling of Eren's hand in hers.
Armin watched his two friends, one dragging and one being dragged before letting out a small hearty laugh, his laugh gradually disappearing as he watched an unexpected blonde guest walk towards him with surprise, her familiar expression as always was lacking a casual, easygoing smile.
"Oi, Erwin." Levi called out as he took off his boots, placing them neatly on the side of the door. "Take your damn boots off."
"I almost forgot." Erwin admitted with a slight laugh, taking off his boots and placing them as neatly as he could beside Levi's before standing back up again.
The last time I had guests over… Levi's thoughts quickly wandered off and he blankly stared at the foreign picture with an aching heart.
"Did I not do it correctly?" Erwin interrupts Levi’s thoughts and asks with a big smile, hiding the despair he had felt when he watched the agony that had flickered through the other's eyes.
"Huh?" Levi breaks out of his consuming thoughts and returns to the present, giving the boots one last glance before answering him. "It'll do."
Levi led Erwin to the living room, before glancing down at Erwin with an impulse to hold those hands in his own again for it gave him a feeling of reassurance, and life. And with this tiring Winter signifying the end of one year, he couldn't help but remember all those brave soldiers who'd died...
Erwin, who was always observing Levi closely, did not fail to miss that silent glance, and in that split second he subconsciously executed the action for him. For he also had impulses deprived from his own selfish desires, and keeping his man satisfied was definitely one of them.
Levi's eyes widened in surprise before he calmly bent his head back to look up at Erwin.
"What?" Levi asks calmly, staring right back at Erwin's calculating blue ones, but it carried an unworldly gentleness for the other that could not be hidden.
"Levi…" Erwin was at a loss of words to explain why he suddenly held Levi’s hands and simply felt himself tighten his grip subconsciously.
This was the chance to ask him.
But I can't ask what he was thinking while letting himself freeze outside in the snow, otherwise he'll get angry at me. But I can't stop worrying about him…
Levi seems to sense the other’s concern and swiftly turns around, yanking Erwin's collar down, forcing him to bend over as Levi gets on his top toes, giving the great Commander a gentle kiss on the lips. They stayed there for a quiet moment, both heartbeats matching one another’s before Levi slowly withdrew.
"If you have nothing to say then don't just stand there dawdling, idiot." Levi mutters as he observes Erwin's expression of surprise mixed with a sense of happiness before he turns around, hiding the faint embarrassment that may show on his face.
"Sorry about that." Erwin apologizes, heart softening as he spots those red tipped ears, much to his adoration. "Let's boil some water, I'll make us some tea."
Levi walks over to the couch and chucks Erwin's jacket on the side, one leg dramatically crossing over the over as he sits down, an arm lifted to rest on the top of the couch comfortably.
"Water's already boiled." Levi casually pointed at the kettle before watching the tips of Erwin's mouth curve up into a smile.
"Then I'll make the tea now." Erwin spoke with a soft laugh, walking over to the dishes before pausing. Levi, who was watching, noticed quickly.
"What's wrong?" Levi asks, watching attentively as Erwin walks over to his coat.
"Actually… I got you a Christmas present." Erwin admits as he takes out a small box from the inside pocket of his large coat.
"You know I don't think much of presents, Erwin." Levi spoke with an edge to his tone, but Erwin as always, didn't fail to notice that Levi couldn't take his curious eyes off the box, and it made him smile.
"I bought you a pair of tea cups." Erwin explained in his soothing voice as he took it out of the box, long fingers appreciating the carved letter on the surfaces before he began to brew the tea.
Levi watches quietly as the man worked at it, movements graceful and natural as a result of how many times he had made tea for his tea obsessed lover.
“Huh, what an unnecessarily large box for a pair of damn cups.” Levi commented as Erwin served the tea in front of him, steam emitting from the top. I have always found gifts, something pointless that took up room in my cupboard, but perhaps...
Levi picked up his cleanly painted white teacup and glanced at the slightly wonky upper case ‘L’ carved in the middle of the cup and snorted.
“Whoever carved this letter has no craftsmanship, the ‘L’ looks like shit.” Levi comments before bearing an expression of surprise as Erwin suddenly bursts out laughing; it wasn't loud but instead, abrupt.
“I did try my best.” Erwin pointed out with a genuine smile, watching as Levi slowly gripped the cup tighter in his two hands.
Perhaps it's not too bad after all...
“It may have been shitty craftsmanship…” Levi mutters before taking a sip, savoring the taste as it lingered in his mouth. “But I don't dislike it.”
Those quiet words that day were forever imprinted in Erwin’s mind, and it never ceases to amaze him how tender a man like Levi could become.
“I'm happy to hear that.” Erwin replies as he takes a sip from his own cup, the atmosphere was warm but was not suffocating; two men sat beside each other, secretly carving this moment into their well-kept memories for safekeeping.
“It's been a long time since we've been able to sit down comfortably and have a nice conversation.” Levi breaks the silence, having finished his cup of tea he leans forward to pick up the kettle of deliciously brewed tea.
“Mn, then let us cherish this time and talk.” Erwin suggests with a loving smile, reaching the kettle first and refilling Levi’s cup to an amount he knew was perfect for his picky Captain; not too much but not too little.
“Yeah,” Levi agrees with a small smile as he stares into his white cup of tea. “That's not a bad idea.”