Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There is a girl standing alone in a vast field of shimmering gold.

The sun is setting behind the mountains and the blinding orange light cast giant shadows on the land. A breeze sends waves across the golden carpet and emits a restless rustling sound that is both hauntingly beautiful and unnerving. Despite the calming landscape, there is a sense of uneasiness.

Her short, auburn hair moves softly in the wind but she stays motionless, just staring out into the wide open space, her expression not visible.

The sun burns bright right before it disappears and the strips of light quickly recede behind the horizon, bringing in the darkness.

The wind dies abruptly. Everything goes quiet.

She screams.

A deafening, mutilated, high-pitched shriek mixed in with a deep disturbing bass tone, that no human can ever produce. It echoes throughout the entire land.

The scream dies down and is followed by thunder rumbling in the distance. A storm is coming.

Then the world goes dark.

Dina’s eyes fly open, her mind racing to perceive her surroundings and ground her back to reality. She recognizes the farther objects first: the door to their bedroom, the dresser across the room, the window. Her heart beat starts to slow into a steady rhythm. She’s able to breathe normally.

Again?

She lets out a groan and puts the back of her hand on her forehead as if to check her temperature. After calming down, she turns to her side, relieved to see a peacefully sleeping JJ, but then a shadow clouds her face as soon as she sees the empty space on the other side of the bed. She hasn’t gotten used to that view yet.

Where are you?

It’s been 5 days and she still couldn’t get over Ellie’s decision.

She stayed awake all night on the first day, sitting at the dining table, unable to stop crying. Her mind was a jumbled mess of all possible emotions. For a few days she couldn’t even move around much, her body too heavy for anything more than transporting short distances in the house and doing the bare minimum, mainly caring for JJ.

After that, she forced herself to pick up her previous life. But it felt like her cognitive ability had been severely impaired and everything she did felt like it took twice the effort, twice the time it took before. It’s like her consciousness was always elsewhere, escaping further and further away with each passing day, taken away by Ellie as her travel companion.

She presses a light kiss on JJ’s temple and slides out of the sheets, dropping her legs on to the floor beside the bed. She sighs and gently picks him up, and moves towards the door. To face another day in this new reality.

“Who’s a hungry boy?”

She carefully carries him downstairs and sets him in the crib, sliding into the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

Her hands are on autopilot mode from there and she mechanically starts pulling out a cutting board, a knife, bowls, pans, some fresh vegetables and fruits, and before she knows it, she is preparing a meal, and her mind is free to run with her own thoughts.

She starts by remembering fondly of how Ellie praised her cooking, sometimes in an obviously over-the-top manner, even though she knew that Ellie had been losing her appetite and sleep ever since returning from Seattle. Dina loved the way Ellie displayed her affection towards her whenever and however she could. That was very sweet of her.

But now she’s not there to make her feel good and her food went uncommented on.

Moving on.

Ellie also carried around her own weight in the house too. Her absence made it clear how much she had been contributing. It certainly hasn’t been easy singlehandedly caring for JJ while doing all the other necessary chores. And on top of helping out, who would’ve known Ellie was so good with kids? JJ always seemed to enjoy being with Ellie and stopped fussing almost immediately when she held him.

Except when she had her panic attacks.

Creases form between Dina’s brows.

She knew Ellie was barely keeping herself together after years of relentless violence and tragedy the world had hurled at her and especially after what had happened in Seattle, but she wasn’t able to grasp the full magnitude of its devastating and long-lasting consequences until now. And it affected herself as well. Ellie’s hurt seeped into her like warm blood slowly contaminating cool clear water. But at the same time, Ellie was always there to hold her whenever she thought she couldn’t take it anymore, and it felt like everything was going to be okay. She can accept Ellie’s hurt, her blood, as long as Ellie was there to stop it from getting out of control. They had each other to keep themselves from spiraling. But now she’s gone.

A sudden, sharp pain shoots up her hand.

She hisses and looks down to see the cut she made on her finger. A glossy blob of crimson oozes out and catches the weak morning light shining through the windows.

Dina stood there and stared at the freshly bleeding wound for what felt like an eternity.

JJ is wailing his lungs out in his crib but she doesn’t recognize her son’s cry for attention for a long while.

3 weeks have passed.

Did waking up feel this difficult before? Dina never feels fully rested anymore but she knows she’ll just have to work with whatever energy the circumstances have afforded her for the day. And today, she needed to do something that was particularly draining.

She walks past a pile of neglected laundry and goes into the storage room, pulling out a hunting rifle from its soft fabric case. She absentmindedly checks the clip, loads it, holds the gun by its handguard and leaves the house. JJ is on her back. He feels heavier by the day.

Hunting is not her favorite. Not by a mile. She’s actually quite decent with a gun, but with each shot, with each flash, she is reminded of collapsed skyscrapers overgrown with vegetation, dark filthy subway tunnels, and never-ending rain.

And the thing is loud. She’s a little nervous firing a gun around JJ, but if she was to give him the nourishment he needed to grow strong, it had to be done. Although the real reason is that she wanted more than anything to see that genuine joy on JJ’s face when he ate a nice, hearty warm meal.

Stepping outside of the perimeter fence, Dina takes in a big gulp of fresh air. Blessed with good weather, the forest is calm today. The green is extra vibrant and the tree barks shine. Flowers are blooming everywhere and they add a dash of color to the scenery. It would be enjoyable if she wasn’t thinking about how she should’ve done laundry today or how she should be planting new seeds in the garden to prepare for the harsher seasons. Hell, she might be out here on a damn picnic, if she wasn’t swamped with chores and if her partner was here-

“Hey Dina”

She swerves around, almost losing her balance, rifle aimed straight ahead of her. Dina’s eyes are wide open, her breath shallow and fast, her heart pounding. She scans her surroundings.

Nothing. There’s no one there.

The tree branches above her rustle gently in the wind and the shimmering sunlight dances on the forest floor. The birds are happily chirping away.

Ellie?

She could’ve sworn she heard her voice just then.

Gotta sleep more. I’m so out of it.

Dina lowers the rifle and takes a deep breath before heading deeper into the forest.

After some searching, she spots a lone rabbit in a small clearing, busily munching away at the green grass. Traversing quickly and quietly across the forest floor to get into range, Dina positions herself efficiently and places her target in the rifle’s iron sight. She tries to calm her fast-beating heart with a deep breath and steady’s her aim. Her finger hovers over the trigger, rests on it, slowly starts to tug…

“Ooooohwwooowowow!! Eh, weee!”

JJ’s voice rips through the serene scenery like thunder.

The critter jerks its head up and in a split second, darts off into the nature, disappearing behind the tall grass.

“Shit!”

It’s silent again, apart from the birds still chirping in the distance, undisturbed by any of what had just happened. Just the two of them in a peaceful forest. Dina stands up and grunts loudly in frustration. After steadying her breath, she goes to a nearby tree stump and plops down, her head in her hands.

“You miss mommy huh?”

She feels so helpless. She desperately wishes Ellie was here.

“I miss her too.”

This isn’t working. Nothing is working.

Where are you?

Dina eventually picks herself up, lets out a short humorless laugh and heads back to the house, her hands empty of food and her soul just empty, her shoulders slumped in defeat.

2 months.

Every day is just a variation of the previous one, only progressively harder.

Dina’s entire waking time is consumed by chores and thoughts of her absent partner. She can’t fully focus on either.

JJ seems to wake up more often during the night now. She can’t even remember now what it was like to have a full night’s sleep. She doesn’t even have enough shuteye to dream about anything anymore, so the idea of dreaming seems distant and foreign. Which means, less opportunity to meet Ellie in her head, even if it’s in the form of a nightmare.

Today, JJ’s quietly sleeping in the crib upstairs, for a change (Thank God), and she cracked open the window in their bedroom for ventilation. It was the beginning of Autumn and the crisp air felt like it cleared the heavy mood in the house as well as inside her head. A gust of wind entered the room and immediately kicked up dust gathering on the window sill and on the furniture. Not much sweeping and cleaning has happened since her departure.

Dina puts on a record -the one they used to dance to- to try and motivate herself to take on the task she has planned for the morning. The ghostly-sounding music drifts across the lonely dining room, which was now populated by multiple cardboard boxes.

Strength is draining from her every day. Simple tasks that used to be a breeze, tire her. Carrying fresh water from the river with JJ on her back is nearly impossible now.

Even more worrying, she is getting more and more forgetful.

She forgets to change JJ’s diaper way too often. She also gets too preoccupied with her thoughts and realizes it’s way past their meal time. Whenever she does cook, there’s a chance she’ll leave the pan over the flame for too long or the meat in the oven way too long until she smells smoke. She’s never let something like that happen before.

Once or twice she completely broke down in the middle of what she was doing, overcome with emotions.

But she is most afraid of losing her memories about Ellie.

Dina slowly starts sorting through Ellie’s stuff which she has laid out on the dining table. She’s been meaning to do this for a while now, constantly putting it off till later. There’s a ton of stuff she hasn’t gotten around to doing, for that matter.

It’s all a blur now.

She can hardly stay on top of when it is.

How many days has it been since she’s gone? Weeks? Months? Years? It’s harder to keep track of time these days.

The record had stopped playing. JJ starts fussing again, which she notices in the back of her mind, but she is lost in her thoughts as she picks up one of Ellie’s sketchbooks, exclusively used for her artwork. She flips through the pages and a melancholic smile slowly takes over her face.

She sees herself in the kitchen with a gentle smile, then relaxing in the rocking chair on the front porch, another sketch of an excited JJ on the old tractor…snippets of moments from a happier time.

She abruptly stops at one of the pages with a gasp.

The person staring at her from the page is both familiar and unfamiliar. Stiff posture, tense shoulders, stern expression with a hint of unease. Hard eyes that seem to lack focus, staring back. Her unevenly cut hair is drawn with rough pencil strokes and it gives off a harsh feeling.

If Dina were to use one word to describe the mood, it would be “sad.”

It’s Ellie. Dina had never seen her produce a self-portrait of herself.

Strangely, it felt like seeing an old relative again. Has she really started to forget Ellie’s face already?

There were photos of her, sure, but the drawing felt intimate and alive. It’s Ellie’s rendition of herself. Knowing her, Dina can imagine how much mental effort it must’ve taken for her to actually sit down and spend time studying herself long enough before losing it.

Seeing her again like this almost makes it feel as if she is finally reunited with her love.

A drop of liquid falls on the page, near Ellie’s cheek.

Dina quickly wipes the moisture off the page as well as her own face.

Her hand lingers on the page and her fingers caress the contour of the delicately drawn lips.

“Oh Ellie…” she whispers.

There you are.

She reluctantly closes the sketchbook and gently places it in the “keep” box.

Ellie’s things will be kept safe until her return. Dina doesn’t even allow herself to entertain the idea that she might be dead already. No, the Ellie she knows is a survivor and will always make it through, however tough the situation may be. She may come back more damaged than when she set off, but as long as she returns with a beating heart, they could work something out.

And in all honesty, Dina didn’t place hate or blame on Ellie for what she did. On the contrary, there was an undeniable feeling of guilt in her heart, because she knew Ellie was heading straight towards a self-destructive path and she was the only one who could’ve stopped her. In a way, she sees herself failing at the responsibility of anchoring her.

Someone is crying loudly in the distance.

As she mechanically kept packing more of Ellie’s belongings into the boxes, she gradually reaffirmed her resolve to forgive Ellie and welcome her back with open arms. It didn’t matter what the outcome of her journey to California was, just that she came back in one piece. She’ll even congratulate her return by preparing Ellie’s favorite dish from her repertoire: slow-roasted lamb and sweet bagels, which she adorably referred to as “magic donut.”

“Hey babe, can you make me more of that magic donut of yours sometime? Can’t get enough of it.”

And she would stuff her face with it until she couldn’t move.

Dina wanted to preserve the memories and the warmth this house held as much as possible, but it was getting increasingly difficult.

It’s just that waiting in this house was simply taking too much of a toll on her. She could see herself waiting and waiting and waiting, wasting away, desperately clinging on to the slim hope of seeing her again. What if Dina was no longer herself by the time Ellie came back?

It didn’t help that everywhere she looked, the house was full of things that constantly reminded her of her love. Perhaps if she can take her mind off of the gaping hole in her life, the waiting would be easier just a little bit. It might speed up Ellie’s return. So she packs away. Out of sight, out of mind.

After so many days of only monotonous routine work, this new activity activates her mind like an old generator coming back to life, and it sparks new thoughts. Maybe she could move back to Jackson and wait for her there, since she’s already packing things up anyway. That idea seemed to lift Dina’s spirits a bit. It also comes as a shock to her that she was so preoccupied with all her thoughts that it took her this long to consider this as a viable option. Without knowing, she had cornered herself into a seemingly inescapable dead-end, and it left her in no mental state to reach out for help.

Yes, temporarily moving back to Jackson was a good idea. She’ll need the ingredients and utensils available in town to properly prepare Ellie’s welcome-back meal anyway.

She would ask for help moving their things into a vacant house, or if they’ll let her, maybe even Jesse’s parents’ place. She could go talk to Maria tomorrow.

“There.”

Everything is neatly packaged into boxes and Dina is swept up with a newfound excitement and a sense of accomplishment.

She hasn’t felt this positive and motivated in a while.

But just as she finishes, her senses return back to reality and she realizes how eerily quiet it has been. Something had changed.

She looks up towards the ceiling, towards the second floor, and a tingling sensation creeps into her stomach. Her heart rate elevates. She stares, eyes wide.

A cold draft came from upstairs and swept through the house.

Chapter Text

There’s so much pain, it’s not possible to pinpoint where it’s coming from. It’s all over her body, her arms, her legs, her sides, and her bloody hands. It’s coming from within, deep inside her as well. Everything she inflicted upon her opponent had reflected back to herself to hurt her as much she hurt the other.

The pain is both keeping her awake and trying to knock her out.

“Go…Just take him…”

Full of tears, Ellie squeezes those words out of her aching body.

She hears the woman she had been brutally beating -bullying- a few seconds ago cautiously stepping away from her, but her senses are hazy and she’s not fully aware of her surroundings.

Meanwhile, Abby concentrates all her attention on Ellie. There’s a mix of fear and confusion on her face.

What had gotten into this woman who was so determined to end Abby’s life, to suddenly change her mind at the last minute?

Abby realizes she had completely stopped in her tracks, right behind the small, frail figure slumped in the shallow waters at the edge of the dark sea.

When Ellie had approached her earlier, she had the eyes of a madman, her breathing erratic, her voice sounding like it was coming from a completely different place that wasn’t her body, as if possessed. But now, whatever was possessing her had apparently cut her loose and she crumbled to the ground helplessly. What lay before her was an utterly broken, shell of a woman.

She is sobbing, for god’s sake.

Disturbingly, it was like seeing herself from only minutes ago. Ellie had beaten Abby until she was on all fours in the water, absolutely defeated, crying uncontrollably into the saltwater below, overwhelmed by the sheer brutality unleashed against her.

LEAVE. NOW. Despite her heart screaming at her to use her shaking legs to put as much distance between her and the heap of pathetic human flesh, she didn’t budge.

The display of such full and complete despair had undeniably enraptured Abby and she was frozen to the spot, unable to take her eyes off of it. All the while, distant sounds of explosions, screams and gunfire echoed in the background. After what felt like a lifetime, Abby finally makes a move. She’s unsure if it’s a good one, but it felt like she needed to do this.

“Hey-” Abby reached out towards Ellie, just as she suddenly shifted her position. She’s standing up.

Abby instinctively recoils and stumbles back a few steps, almost falling.

For a moment it seems like Ellie is about to turn her head, but instead, she falls face forward, creating a loud splash.

Abby stands completely still, body tense, holding her breath for Ellie’s next move.

No movement.

Shit!

She scrambles towards the floating body, all concerns for her own safety gone in an instant. Just acting on instinct. She doesn’t even stop to consider the irony of saving Ellie from a fate she was trying to inflict upon Abby only moments ago.

Abby reaches Ellie and pulls her up by her arms, using whatever strength she’s got left.

And it takes a lot. She quickly realizes she can’t hold Ellie forever and drags her over to the empty boat. Ellie’s body is like burning hot coal, which stings Abby’s wounds.

It takes a considerable amount of effort to lift Ellie up and onto the boat, as gently as possible. She can’t weigh that much more than Lev, but Abby is hurt and exhausted and shattered and just so tired. Yet, she somehow manages, and for the first time since their encounter, she has a moment to actually take a good look at Ellie’s face.

Despite being caked in blood and dirt and tears, her expression looks oddly peaceful. As if she is finally freed from a heavy burden.

A shot of envy flashes across Abby’s face but she drives that thought away with a shake of her head, and notices that Ellie is bleeding freely from her left hand where two of her fingers used to be.

Abby stared at the grotesque injury as her own hand trembled up to her face to cover her gaping mouth in horror.

I did THAT.

She almost throws up with the realization. Now that the adrenaline and tension had worn off, she was starting to grasp the full extent of the destruction they had caused to each other.

Fresh tears form at the corner of her eyes as she frantically searches inside the boat for something -anything-, and spots Ellie’s backpack resting by her legs.

She grabs it and unzips, halting a second before rummaging through, muttering “Gonna look through your stuff…” when she’s completely aware that Ellie is in no condition to acknowledge her statement.

Arrows, canned food, a water container, shotgun ammo, a notebook, more ammo…

No medical supplies whatsoever. She did however puzzlingly find a vintage-looking jacket that felt strangely familiar but also seemed to be out of place among Ellie’s other possessions, taking up precious space for no apparent reason.

Abby sighed.

She turned her head towards the other boat and spots a glinting object in the water nearby. After some hesitation, she walks over, sticks her hand in the water and fishes for it, even though it makes her kind of sick to think what the object was used for only moments ago.

She flips open Ellie’s knife and cuts off a relatively clean portion of her tank top, baring a side of her midriff. The piece of cloth is then carefully wrapped around the wound, tying it off snugly but not too tight. By the time she’s done, her hands are covered in blood again, but it’s hard to even tell whose blood it is. Still, Ellie’s hand is now bandaged.

Not ideal, but better than nothing.

“There.”

She speaks softly as if not to wake the unconscious body.

Abby takes one last look at Ellie’s face. There’s a strange and misplaced urge to brush the strands of hair off her forehead, as if to put a finishing touch, but she resists and heads over to the other boat, where Lev awaits. The knife she used had been left behind on Ellie’s boat. It could have been useful, but it didn’t seem right to take it. In more ways than one.

The motor sputters to life and the boat creeps forward into the heavy mist.

Abby never took her eyes off of the other boat, even staring into the fog, in the general direction the boat was, long after it had disappeared from sight.

She knew Ellie would survive. She was sure of it.

Somehow, that made her feel better.

Chapter Text

The final stretch of her journey felt agonizingly long.

After weeks of slowly traveling across empty fields and endless stretches of roads, the forest surrounding her now was reassuringly familiar.

The way back took much longer, because she stuck to large open areas that negated the possibility of encountering potential danger lurking behind shadows and around corners. After all of the injuries she had sustained, and after being drained of any and all extreme emotions and impulses, she just didn’t have any willpower to face another conflict.

Speaking of injuries, she was genuinely confused to find her amputated fingers wrapped in what seemed like a makeshift bandage. Did she pass out while treating her own wound? That was the immediate thought that came to mind after regaining consciousness, but she soon realized that someone had put her in the boat, treated her hand, and left her knife by her side. And there was really only one person who could’ve done all that. Not to mention the obvious telltale sign that it was indeed that person: she recognized where the piece of fabric came from.

Ellie still hadn’t figured out how to feel about all this. Should she be glad that Abby didn’t finish her off? Sad that she couldn’t go through with her revenge mission? Mad that Abby had the nerve to show her pity? Grateful? Regretful?

Hungry?

Her stomach growled at the thought of food.

Fuck.

She ran out of canned food days ago. The return back was never supposed to be this long. The meals have been infrequent and meager, which totally devastated her morale and made her feel just utterly miserable. Ellie missed Dina’s home-cooked food dearly. She swore if she got close enough to the farm and got a whiff of her cooking, the scent would carry her home, even if she had not strength left at all.

She returned to her previous train of thought which was momentarily derailed by her sudden hunger pang. Namely, the one burning question that now keeps her up almost every night.

Why the hell did Abby save her?

Ellie knew her life would’ve ended right there on that beach if it wasn’t for Abby. Surely there had to be a reason behind her inexplicable action. Is it because Ellie spared her life first? Or what, was it just a random act? Abby did not seem to be the impulsive type. But then again, Ellie is reminded that she actually didn’t know her very well, even though it felt like Abby had occupied her headspace more than anything else for the past year. Whatever the reason, Ellie now felt as if her life and death had been suspended, that she now had to solve this mystery in order to justify her own existence, and it was driving her crazy. This is post-St.Mary’s all over again. Why does this keep happening to her?

Abby, Abby, Abby, Abby…

She catches herself obsessing over Abby like she did when she was pursuing her, but it’s different than before. The Ellie of the past would have reflexively gone on a wild goose chase and tracked Abby down just to force an answer out of her, but she was done with all that. Now, it was more about coming to terms with her own thoughts and emotions. Perhaps if she thinks hard enough she’ll find an answer within herself and come to a satisfying conclusion.

And perhaps that is why the dirty piece of cloth that had wrapped her hand was now tied to the top handle of her backpack, as a reminder that it had actually happened, forcing her to think hard whenever she sees it. She just hoped Dina wouldn’t question what a bloody, ripped up strip of shirt was doing on her backpack.

Ellie reaches a clearing and notices thick, grey clouds gathering in the distance, in the direction she is heading. It seems the weather is not going to be very welcoming. It makes her restless, makes her want to keep moving and hurry back home, otherwise maybe the house will be sucked up into the sky with Dina and JJ still in it, leaving her behind. Alone.

She musters her last remaining energy -mostly anxious energy- to push forward, determined to cover as much ground as possible while the forest floor was still visible, illuminated in patches of sunrays shining through the canopy of branches. She remembers Joel talking about coffee as an energizing drink and that’s why people drank it in the morning to get a boost. Not her though. She tried it once and it just made her jittery. She’ll just have to rely on her own adrenaline to get through the rest of the journey.

Since when did reminiscing about Joel become so casual and pain-free?

She stops in her tracks with this realization and thinks about it for a second, but decides it’s not something she wanted to delve into right now.

It takes her another day to finally reach the pathway leading up to the perimeter fence of their home. The sight of the fence up ahead as well the house beyond it elicits both a feeling of nostalgia and nervousness in Ellie at the same time. She opens the gate and takes a few steps forward, beginning to conclude the last stretch of her journey.

Ellie stands still in the grass, now golden brown in color, and takes a deep breath.

The house stands there silently under the grey sky, surrounded by rustling grass, and the whole thing looks like a surreal painting. Ellie is deep in thought and doesn’t notice the curtains billowing out of the second floor window, as if trying to escape from a condemned house.

Half of her -the realist- expects the house to be empty. After all, she did abandon her wife and child for a revenge trip, even if it meant restoring her sanity (at least that’s how she saw it, when she left). The other half, -the romantic- imagines Dina forgiving her and welcoming her with a warm hug and a kiss.

“No use guessing.”

She finally works up the courage to face whatever fate awaited her and moves forward.

The front door is feather-light and opens with a soft creak.

To her surprise, everything in the house looked exactly the same as when she left. Almost too similar, as if it’s all fake, a doll house created to imitate her home, based on her memory. The furniture looked undisturbed and there were no obvious changes to the interior décor, except for a few unfamiliar cardboard boxes lying around on the floor near the dining table.

It’s way too quiet. The house felt lifeless, void of any warmth. Ellie cautiously steps inside, letting the front door close behind her with a little bang.

“Dina?” She calls out to her love. No answer. Just heavy silence. Not even an echo of her own voice.

She slowly makes her way towards the dining table, when something catches her eye. She turns her head to her side.

Down the hallway, all the way across on the other side of the house, the door to the storage room is open. Ellie stares at it, trying hard to figure out what is different about it. She spots an olive-green bag at the foot of the door. It’s a case. The soft fabric case for…

The hunting rifle is gone.

She quickly reaches for her -Joel’s- revolver and unholsters it, holding it low in her right hand. It’s a habit one eventually picks up if they live long enough in this harsh reality.

Maybe she’s out hunting.

But Ellie knows she cannot take chances. Not in this world. All of a sudden, the house no longer seems familiar at all and instead it is just like any other structure she’s been in, a hiding place for potential danger. Evil lurking everywhere.

She’s on alert mode and quietly maneuvers further into the house, eyes checking every corner. She reaches the stairway and feels a draft on her neck. It blows a few strands of her hair over her face. It’s from upstairs.

Ellie ascends the stairs step by step, her back tightly pressed against the wall, scanning both up and down, while being careful not to make the wood creak under her shoes. At the top of the stairs, her eyes immediately fixate on the bedroom door that is wide open, almost in an inviting way. It’s where she had spent her nights sleeping alongside her family, living a “normal” life. A life that she has been away from for too long now.

She swiftly moves up to the side of the doorframe and after a count of two, jumps into the room, weapon aimed in front of her.

It’s empty. The bed was undisturbed, sheets neatly tucked and no indentation on the pillows. The drawers were closed. The crib was empty. The only thing moving in the room were the curtains draped over the one open window. They flapped restlessly against the wind.

Maybe Dina really was out hunting.

Ellie shut the window, which was bothering her more than it should for some reason.

“Babe? I’m home!” She calls out for her again, her tension somewhat released. She holsters the revolver.

She goes back downstairs and decides to check out the garden. That meant going through the kitchen. The kitchen reminded her of the “talk” she had with Dina on the day of her departure and it was too painful so she tried to move past it quickly. Heading towards the backdoor, she unconsciously placed her three-fingered hand on the kitchen counter and it brushed up against a piece of paper.

Ellie stops and picks it up.

She knew where the paper had come from because it was the same one she would draw on when she was at home. Only this one was not covered in drawing but filled from top to bottom with words.

She immediately recognizes the neat, elegant handwriting as Dina’s and the familiarity of it gives her a warm feeling if but for a moment, despite her heart racing from suspense. Ellie couldn’t remember the last time Dina wrote her a letter. There was something about a handwritten message addressed specifically to you that felt deeply personal.

Dear Ellie,

The first few sentences sparsely described Dina and JJ’s new reality post-Ellie. Even with so few words, Ellie could vividly and painfully picture how much agony her absence had caused and it instantly filled her with so much guilt it was sickening.

“You think this is easy?” Dina’s accusing tone echoes in her head, remembering how those words were hurled at her in this very spot she was standing in, burning her like acid.

She didn’t know if she had the guts to keep reading. She knew there was no redemption waiting ahead. Her stomach refused, but her eyes followed the words on the paper which she was now gripping tightly, almost crumpling it.

But she could in no way have prepared herself for what hit her next.

She reached halfway through the letter where the handwriting began to show a loss of composure. Ellie’s eyes widened.

…I found him in the garden. He wasn’t breathing…

“…no”

…can’t possibly live with what I did, for letting this happen...  

“No!”

…hope you find something, someone worth living for…

“No, no, no! Dina, no!” Ellie screams as if the dreadful ordeal being described is unfolding right in front of her and she can somehow stop it. But at the same time, reality crept into her, slowly crushing her under its inevitability.

…I just hoped I could’ve held you one last time…

Her free hand jerks up almost automatically and desperately grabs the edge of the counter as she tries to keep her balance, but her legs are giving out beneath her and she is falling from a great height, all the way to the bottom of an endless pit.

She’s down on all fours on the kitchen floor, Dina’s note now completely crumpled under her ice-cold, sweaty hand. She grabs her chest and opens her mouth but what comes out is unintelligible. Only deep guttural noises escape her throat in-between loud moans like a wild beast. Yet she hears them as muffled and distant, the ringing in her ears overtaking her senses.

Her entire body was shutting down. She couldn’t hold any air in her lungs. There was a sudden and frantic urge to run, to get out of the house NOW.

She crawls frantically towards the door. The same door she walked out of when she walked out of Dina’s life for good.

“We’ve got a family. She doesn’t get to be more important than that.”

Hyperventilating, Ellie stumbles out into the open. She reaches the garden where Dina’s homegrown vegetables and colorful flowers remain undisturbed and empties her stomach onto the ground.

Wake the fuck up Ellie. Please wake up.

She tells herself desperately but no such salvation comes. Shoulders heaving, she looks up with unfocused eyes towards the gently swaying flowers. They form a natural circle around a cleared out space, with a small mound of dirt sitting in the middle. It’s not long before her gaze reaches the tree branch sticking out of the summit of the mound with a simple pencil sketch of a laughing JJ she had drawn ages ago stuck to it flapping in the wind, and she comprehends what she’s looking at.

That’s when the tears come.

She can’t stop them from flooding out of her eyes one after another. Raw emotion welled out of her heart, spilling out all over the place. The garden soon filled with Ellie’s agonizing cries.

There she spent an eternity, on her knees, hunched over JJ’s tiny grave, bawling.

Dina had chosen someplace remote and hidden for her final resting place, so as not to leave Ellie with a lasting image of her rotting corpse, and so that she can keep their home untainted. This was implied in the final few lines of the letter, but Ellie didn’t get that far.

The wind coming down from the mountains have turned much colder now, and it evaporated the numerous tear tracks on Ellie’s face, stinging her skin.

Ellie sheds her backpack on the ground like letting go of an immense burden and her arms fall limply on both sides of her body, her right hand colliding with her holster. She brings her palm up to it and traces the edge of the grip on Joel’s revolver. Slowly, she unholsters it.

"Ellie.”

“You go. I go."

“End of story.”

Dina had promised her on that fateful day when they embarked on their journey, the day Ellie had taken the hand of an innocent girl and led her straight into a world of madness and pain. It proved to be devastating for Dina but she stuck with Ellie right until the very end when she finally had to stop and let Ellie go on her own.

How far was Ellie willing to go for Dina?

"I'll be there with you soon, babe."

A soft whisper leaves her quivering lips which has curled into a thin smile.

There’s a low rumbling of distant thunder and it reverberates in the cold air. The sky is thick with black clouds now.

Ellie holds the revolver in her sweaty palm and twists the front end towards herself, shoving the barrel in to her mouth. Her teeth chatter against the cold surface, the taste of oil and metal on her tongue. Her trembling finger rests on the trigger.

An image of Joel on the porch, guitar resting on his lap, flashes across her mind.

I tried, Joel. I gave it my all.

She closes her eyes. Fatigue takes over her. She just wants to sleep.

I have nothing left. Nothing.

The shaking stops.

The world goes dark.

Chapter Text

Abby sits alone on the edge of a single-sized bed in a modest hotel room that was assigned to her as housing and lets out a sigh. She takes a quick glance around the barely furnished space. It’s already been 2 months since they’ve arrived, but she hasn’t done much with the place.

There’s a soft knock at the door. She looks up.

“It’s open.” She’s been expecting him.

The door cracks open and a small head pokes in. “Are you busy?”

“Uh, yeah? Obviously, I was busy planning our escape from this shithole and how we would take over the entire country.”

Lev gives her a confused look with one brow raised.

“No, of course I’m not busy! What’s up?” Abby forces a smile.

“Oh.” He steps into the room. Lev’s fully recovered by now and he’s looking healthier than ever. He seemed to even put on some muscle compared to when he was with the Seraphites. He appreciated the abundance of food variety here, and took a liking to the locally caught fish as a source for much-needed protein. Abby on the other hand, still bore the marks of the brutal ordeal she went through. Her hair had grown but was still at shoulder length and noticeably coarser. She did regain some of her body mass, but was on the lean side and she would probably never be as sculpted as before. And her limbs displayed the painful aftermath of the hell she went through via the numerous cuts and bruises.

Abby pats the space beside her on the bed, gesturing him to sit. He walks over, barely making a sound. They certainly haven’t been as close to each other as when they were on the road, where they spent every minute side-by-side, watching each other’s back, so this proximity is something they haven’t experienced in a while. Lev had gotten his own room which Abby had mixed feelings about, but seeing him visibly getting excited over the prospect of having his very own room for the first time made her convince herself that it was a good thing. He was still a kid after all, and most new things to him were exciting and full of opportunities. Abby had lost that naivety. She saw risks.

He carefully measures how much distance he should put between him and Abby before taking a seat and only begins talking after he's found a satisfying position.

“I’m thinking of applying to one of those on-base assignments.”

Abby turns to him.

“I saw a posting for housing repair. I might be able to help out with that. Or maybe even an off-base one like a reconnaissance mission.”

Her brows raise as if she is surprised to hear this.

He notices and adds on, “Not on the mainland of course. I think they’re going to search the North side of the island.”

It’s been an unspoken rule between them that they won’t venture outside of Catalina Island, to not go back in to the chaos. On the island they can sleep safely at night, not having to constantly be on edge about getting their throat ripped open the moment they dozed off. That is why they had avoided joining any of the Fireflies’ “missions” outside of the island, where they went out across the country, searching for communities to reconnect with.

Abby's expression turns sour.

“Reconnaissance mission”

The term rubbed her the wrong way. Another group trying to play soldiers. That never seemed to end up well.

Moreover, these Fireflies seemed to flaunt an air of superiority and it was grating her. Have they always been like this? The Salt Lake outpost must have been an anomaly if that’s the case. Her friends, -her dad-, they wanted to do good, and they were confident about the choices they made, but they never assumed that they were always correct. Her dad was so sure about creating a cure out of the brain tissues of a young girl, begging Marlene to approve the operation that would kill her, but at the mere mention of his own daughter, he faltered. Suddenly unsure of himself. That inner conflict is what kept all of them from going over the edge and falling into a bottomless pit of depravity, where anything goes. But sadly, at that point, the Fireflies had sacrificed way too much and there was no going back. The only way left for them was to go forward.

The Fireflies here seemed to have passed the point of no return a long time ago.

What was even worse was that, in an apparent effort to not be seen as overly militaristic or cult-like, they tried to give off a laid-back impression which clashed with their cold and forceful actions. Not long after their arrival, Abby had immediately picked up on the weird vibe permeating throughout the base, which can only really be described as “dude-bro” and it reminded her just a little too much of the scums that she and Lev had escaped from. The guy who had been put in charge to induct them (whose name Abby had forgotten already) was quick to deny the similarities between them.

“Yeah, those guys. Don’t worry, we’re nothing like them.”

As if that was ever supposed to be a legitimate concern. Or was it a joke in poor taste? Abby couldn’t tell.

You better not be. She had thought.

At least they didn’t seem to own slaves.

“You…don’t think it’s a good idea?” Lev peeks into Abby’s face.

“I…Look, Lev, you don’t need to feel like you’re obligated to help them, you know? We’re allowed to live here, whether we work for them or not.”

“That’s not why I want to sign up. I want to know more about them. You said their goal was to restore society. I want to know how they think they can achieve that.”

Abby sighed. “I just…don’t want you to be disappointed in them.” In me.

Lev frowns. “You don’t think they’re good people?”

Abby couldn’t really answer. She has her own opinions about them, but Lev should be allowed to form his own opinions about the Fireflies.

“Maybe we could both apply for the same thing and do it together, yeah? I’ll take a look at the postings later. How’s that sound?”

In truth, Abby had been avoiding interacting with the people on base as humanly possible, mostly only talking with Lev, so it might not be such a bad idea for her to get a better reading on them and at the same time make them understand that if they should ever mess with Lev, they’ll have to answer to her.

“Sure. We could do that.” Lev isn’t entirely satisfied with Abby’s answer, but he knew that Abby was going through a lot and she needed time and space to sort out her thoughts at her own pace, so he didn’t want to push her too hard.

After a moment of thought, Lev continues.

“I think they’ll appreciate your generosity. They might even laugh at your jokes too.”

Abby gives him a genuine smile.

Time and again, she is reminded of Lev’s endless capacity to purely look at things in a positive light. See the good in people even if you’ve just met them. Even after encountering some of the worst that human kind has to offer.

For a brief moment, these thoughts lead to her memories of Owen and how he seemed to almost always be optimistic about people, especially when it came to the Fireflies. Unlike Abby, Mel would not scoff at Owen for believing in them regrouping, even if she wasn’t entirely sold on the idea. Why couldn’t Abby be like that?

Her smile fades.

In the end they both died without ever getting to confirm if his hopes were true. Never finding out if all of their troubles were worth it.

Was it?

What would they think about these Fireflies? Maybe Nora was right. There were no Fireflies anymore. At least not the kind they hoped for.

“Thanks, I’ll take that as a word of encouragement. My jokes though? They’re not meant for everyone. So if they like it, fine. If they hate me for it…also fine.” In other words, they can go fuck themselves.

Abby didn’t think she was a generous or funny person. But Lev genuinely respected Abby and looked up to her, which made her proud but at the same time, more cautious and self-aware of her actions.

You think too highly of me, Lev.

His sister had done the same.

“You’re a good person.” was what she said to Abby, before they threw themselves amidst a futile war where she was murdered mercilessly, struck with a hail of bullets, taking it all with her small body, so that Lev could go on to live his life. Yara was Lev's only supporter and his guiding light. She understood him. More than his mother. More than anyone else. She knew exactly what to do, exactly what her brother needed. Then she was taken from him.

I don’t want to let your brother down, Yara. But it’s hard. I’m not like you.

Sensing that the conversation was over, Lev gets up and makes his way towards the door, and Abby already feels herself start to miss him. She wishes she had put her arm around him and let him lean his head on her shoulder. Probably to let him know that she would always be there to support him, but more because she wanted to tangibly feel that he was there.

As if her thoughts had leaked out of her mind, Lev hesitates with his hand on the door knob, seemingly debating something in his head.

“…You okay?” Abby asks, trying to sound lighthearted. But it comes out wooden.

Lev doesn’t turn around to face her and instead talks into the door. Abby cannot see his expression.

“You said she freed us.”

Abby’s body tenses up.

“From the pillars. From them.”

Fists flying through the air. A small, crying figure on the beach. Bloody amputated fingers.

“Uh huh…” is all Abby can say.

“How come you didn’t tell them about her?”

Naturally, Abby was asked about the disturbingly horrific state she had arrived in, but she only talked about the Rattlers and never mentioned Ellie. Something made her not want to tell these people about that part of her life or about the person who was deeply involved in shaping who she was today.

Abby chooses her words carefully. “We don’t know these people very well yet. I didn’t want to bring in any of that personal, messy stuff here and color the way they look at us. We could have a fresh start here.” Which was mostly true.

“Is that all?”

Abby notices his left hand clenching into a fist.

“Hey, what’s bothering you?”

He finally turns to face her, but he keeps his sight lowered, avoiding eye-contact. Even so, Abby’s heart tightens as soon as she sees his pained expression. It looked like he was trying to hold back tears. Almost automatically, she gets up and moves towards Lev, ready to embrace him. But he steps back, which shocks Abby as an unexpected move, and it makes her stop in her tracks, her arms uselessly half-raised in the air, unsure where to put them.

“We’re only here because of her. And now we treat her like a secret. Like we’re not supposed to acknowledge her existence.”

Abby tries to keep her tone as calm as possible. “I’m just saying we don’t need to tell them about it. We can talk about it between us, if you want.” Although she was not at all ready to do that.

The truth was, thoughts of Ellie refused to disappear from Abby’s head. She thought she was done with her immediately after their painful encounter in Santa Barbara. But as time went on and the more she thought about it, the more she realized was unresolved. There were so many things she wanted to confirm. But she didn’t know how to talk about it with Lev. She didn't even know that Lev had been thinking about Ellie just as much as she was. So much for being a supporter and understanding his needs.

One thing in particular kept nagging her, which was the fact that she was the one that Joel brought in on that day when-

“What about what she said in the theater?”

The question catches Abby off guard and she cannot think of a good answer quick.

“…not sure what you’re talking about.” She plays dumb. Wrong move.

Lev’s head jerks up and looks at her with hurt in his eyes as if Abby had just hit him.

“Whatever.”

The icy word comes out almost as a whisper as he swiftly turns around, swinging the door open and before Abby knows it, he’s already running away from her.

“Lev, wait-”

The door shuts in her face and she’s alone again, standing in the empty room, her outstretched hand grasping nothing.

Abby looks down at her hand and curses to herself.

Yes, Lev had phrased it ambiguously so she really could have not known what he meant. But they both knew very well that she knew exactly what he was talking about.

The scene of the tense confrontation between her and Ellie gets vividly replayed in her head as if it had just happened yesterday.

“There’s no cure because of me. I’m the one that you want.”

It was a bombshell revelation that got lost in the ensuing chaos and she never really got to revisit it properly. She wasn’t sure if she even wanted to. One could say she had swept it under the rug, pretending that she had forgotten about it. And now it’s resurfaced, stirring up her life again.

“Goddamn cure.”

She mutters to no one.

Later that day, Abby goes down to the canteen located at the center of the base to grab dinner. Lev left a note on her door at some point to tell her that she can go ahead and eat without him. Her heart sank when she read it.

The Fireflies’ canteen was nothing to write home about. Just your run-of-the-mill, boring-ass, menu-recycling, mass-production factory. Everything they served, whether it be pasta or tacos or stir-fry, somehow tasted the same. The variation was only on the surface level, a deceit. She wasn’t a snob or anything when it came to food and one can’t be too picky in this world, but she had a hard time understanding how they could make food so uninteresting. She had even considered taking up cooking, but quickly realized that she didn't even know where to begin.

There actually were other, much more decent dining options available on the island, probably started by people who were also sick and tired of the canteen. Some homes regularly welcomed guests to dine at their place, almost like a restaurant, and they cooked dishes they brought with them from their lives before coming here. Some traded the vegetables that they grew, some traded meat, and there were even people you can go to for alcohol including home-brewed beer. But these options required more than an exchange of just a few words.

Sometimes she would walk past a house at night, seeing the warm light pouring out into the street from the windows, hearing jovial voices from inside and realizing that these are people with their own complex life stories, experiencing joy, grief, anger, all of it, every day. There were families here. Abby would wonder what it would be like to have a “normal” life with a family, but then again, what even was “normal” anymore? Her dad, being a doctor in this hellscape, often ate at odd hours and mostly in his office. So she didn’t get to experience that many quality family mealtimes before he was gone. In that sense, the WLF -at least the Salt Lake crew- were the only ones she had spent most of her time with like a family, working together, playing together, eating together…

She cannot see herself doing that with these Fireflies. She could not settle down here. Maybe it wasn’t so much that the Fireflies were assholes but she wanted to see them as such so that she didn’t needlessly get attached to any of them. She has had enough of losing people and she didn’t think that she can do it all over again. Losing all your friends at once does that to a person.

She enters the canteen. The place is sparsely populated which relieves her. Abby glances at the menu on the wall, grimaces, and makes a decision quickly.

As she hurries towards the tuna sandwich counter, she passes by a table group of five with some familiar faces in it. She’s talked to a few of them during the first couple of weeks after arrival, although their names elude her. She gives a cursory nod and keeps moving.

One of them, a bulky middle-aged man with short brown hair, looks over his shoulder to follow Abby with his gaze.

“There she goes again. Not even a ‘hi,’ just in-and-out. What’s the deal with her?” He says gruffly.

The younger, bearded man sitting across him, this one more skeletal and with longer shaggy dark hair put in a bun, takes a sip from his cup and replies. “Didn’t know you were such a stickler for social etiquette, Tom.”

Tom glares at him.

He continues. “Could have something to do with those scars she’s got. I heard she was caught by the Rattlers. Came in with some pretty fucked up injuries. Isn’t that right, Liz?”

Liz, a svelte blonde with keen features answers in a practiced, steady tone. “Yeah, she and the boy. They both got the full Rattler-treatment. She was in much worse condition than the boy though. I used up a lot of my supplies to stitch her up. Psychology isn't my field, but I would diagnose her as depressed. Probably suffering from PTSD too.”

“Oof. Sounds rough.”

“Speaking of the boy, he asked me about the missions when he came for a follow up.”

“How come he talks to you? I said hi once and he pretty much ran away.” Says the bearded man.

Liz tells him matter-of-factly: “Probably ‘cause you look like a Viking, Max.”

The rest of the table chuckles.

“Vikings are cool.” Max argues.

Liz dismisses his comment. “Never mind. Anyways, the kid is more open to communicate. I think. And he’s curious about the missions.”

“Yeah, well, even if he wants to join, she’s probably not gonna approve it.”

Max lifts his gaze towards the sandwich counter to find Abby.

She’s already gone.

As Abby exits the building, she notices the bulletin board by the entrance, covered in papers of various sizes and colors. She almost walks past it but stops as she remembers her conversation with Lev earlier that day. Her eyes dart across the board.

“Let’s see…on-base assignments…ah, here it is.” She reads them while eating her sandwich. It tastes bland. She didn't even like tuna.

Night-shift guard at command center.  No.

Part-time cook at the canteen.  Fuck no.

Hand-to-hand combat trainer.  Maybe.

Housing repair.  That’s the one Lev was talking about.

…

Her eyes trail down to the “missions” section, which she doesn’t usually bother looking at, but Lev had mentioned something about an exploration assignment on the island so she continues reading.

She doesn’t find any that match what he said. Instead, there are postings as usual for the “expedition missions” off the island. There were two types of missions when it came to reconnecting with communities: The ones where they went exploring in uncharted regions to find new communities, and the ones where they revisit a community that they have already established some kind of connection with. She sees a mix of both on the board.

Cochise County, AZ  (New)

Baker County, OR  (New)

Boulder, CO  (3^rd expedition)

Boise, ID  (5^th expedition)

...

The list goes on.

They’ve been busy. Abby thinks to herself as she takes another bite out of the now bland and cold sandwich.

She skims through the postings, not really interested in how much the Fireflies have covered the post-apocalyptic land. She was more curious about the “why.” She still haven’t figured out what the purpose of these missions were. What were their intentions? Sure, it’s a step towards restoring society, but what was their end goal? What would they do once all communities were reconnected? Are they gonna set up a new government? Are they the ones who are gonna run the country? That’s just irony right there and frankly it sounded like a dangerous idea since-

She abruptly stops chewing her food and swallows.

Jackson, WY  (2^nd expedition)

Abby stared at the name, burning a hole right through the paper.

She stands there as a few people exit the canteen and walk past her, busy in their conversation and not paying her any attention.

She finishes off her sandwich and crumples the wrapper, shoving it in her pocket where another sandwich resides. Lev had told her to get her own food and leave him alone. She got some for him anyways.

And it now serves as a perfect excuse to go talk to him. About a mission.

It's no gourmet dinner, but it's the best I can do. I'm sure you'll understand, Lev.

Abby convinces herself as she hurries back towards their rooms.

Chapter Text

Ellie’s garage home in Jackson had been untampered with, preserved just the way she left it when she decided to move out of the community and into a farm house with Dina, right as they were expecting a new member to join the family. Ellie had taken many of her belongings to their new home, but left behind items related to her childhood obsessions that would not mesh well with her new life as a parent.

Since then, dust had collected on the furniture, on her comic books and on her bed.

The winter season adds a frigid atmosphere inside and everything looks as if they are frozen in place: the books, the posters, the walls, the air, sound, even time. The curtains are shut but the dim sunlight outside casts a blue hue across the dark room.

There, in the middle of the lifeless room, amongst the piles of scattered clothes, photos, empty bottles, CDs and DVDs, sits a slim figure on the floor, legs brought up against their chest, back leaning on the couch, curled up into a ball. She lifts her left arm and grips her hand several times in front of her, moving all three of her fingers with some difficulty.

She shudders and lets out a breath of cold air, creating a small cloud of condensation which quickly dissolves into the emptiness.

Back on the farm, Ellie was awakened by rainwater pelting her cheeks while she lay on the dirt in the garden. Her mouth was dry and her teeth felt gritty.

After groggily getting up, she sat there for a while, staring at nowhere, trying to figure out where she was or what she had been doing. And then she gradually took in her surroundings and wished she had never woken up.

She found Joel’s revolver sitting near her discarded backpack, half-covered in dirt. She picked it up and checked the cylinder. All six bullets were accounted for.

By then the storm had already invaded the skies above, enveloping the landscape with its dark grey clouds, and the wind was picking up quickly. There was urgency in the air. She had to make a choice.

She looked at the revolver in her hand. Then at her backpack. A piece of cloth on the top handle flapped nervously in the rising wind, as if it was about to untie itself and fly away.

Ellie grabbed her backpack and staggered to the house. She will take refuge in it until the storm blew over. She will see another day.

It proved to be a surreal and harrowing experience. The sky kept flashing every second like rapid gun fire, followed by deep booms that shook the entire house. All the while, strong gusts howled and banged on the roof and walls as if to try and break in. Together with the torrential rain, it was a cacophony of chaos and Ellie was on the verge of losing her mind.

Dina had written in her suicide note that she was hearing voices. Ellie was sure that if she let her mind slip, she would start hearing Dina and JJ’s laughter echo from somewhere within the house.

Inevitably though, as the night went on, her concentration started to falter and she kept slipping in and out of a dreamlike state, blurring the line between what was real and what wasn’t. On top of that, the constant swaying and rocking made her nauseous as if she was out at sea, trying to navigate the turbulent waters in a tiny boat, helplessly getting knocked around. This felt strangely familiar to Ellie, which she soon realized was her reliving the moments of her furious march towards the aquarium in Seattle.

Eventually, she found herself curled up on the couch in the living room, legs up against her chest, staring intently at her backpack propped up on the rocking chair across her. Her gaze was fixed on the ripped shirt tied to it. It was the only thing in the house that anchored her to reality. It seemed to surround itself with an air of impenetrability. As if it were a holy relic that kept the violent spirits at bay.

She didn’t take her eyes off of it.

Ellie did not sleep for a single second that night. She thought the darkness will never end.

In the tranquil garage room with nothing to distract her mind, the memories of that night start to creep back in. She instinctively grabs a pair of headphones connected to a CD player and plugs her ears to drown her own thoughts in music.

A soft whirr fills the room, soon followed by her humming and singing.

“Here I am back home again

I'm here to rest

All they ask is where I've been

Knowing I've been West

I'm the family's unowned boy

Golden curls of envied hair

Pretty girls with faces fair

See the shine in the Black Sheep Boy

If you love me you'll let me live in peace

Please understand…”

As she sings along, her mind decides to return to the farm one last time.

The day after the storm, Ellie stepped out into a blindingly bright world of clear blue skies, massive clouds, crisp cool air and a field of shimmering grass. Droplets of rainwater dripped on to her head and shoulders as she stood on the front porch, looking out into the magnificent mountain range. Facing the stunning view, she felt weightless and empty as if everything inside of her had been flushed out by the rain.

She said her final farewell to Dina and JJ in the garden. She ripped out her favorite drawing of Dina she found in her old sketchbook and placed it alongside JJ’s on his grave. The storm had damaged JJ’s sketch, fading the pencil marks away and making it hard to tell his exact features. Ellie completed the image of his smile in her head.

And then she left the farm behind.

She never looked back as the house grew smaller and smaller behind her until it was gone.

Ellie feels tears rolling down her cheeks. It could almost turn into ice in the frigid room.

The previous music had faded away and the player was now beginning to spin the next track. It starts out quiet but there is a noticeable tension brewing under the muted guitar notes. Eventually, the vocals kick in.

“Some nights I thirst for real blood, for real knives, for real cries

And then the flash of steel from real guns in real life really fills my mind”

The tone shifts and the tension is broken with a single harsh note of electric guitar and a drum hit.

“I really miss what really did exist when I held your throat so tight…”

Something hot and vicious moves inside Ellie, suddenly stabbing her from inside, aching to get out. Her vision is invaded by red. She emits a panicked yell, and rips the earbuds out of her ear. For a good while, she cannot control her rapid breathing and thumping heart. Only after regaining her composure does she realize her immense thirst.

What the fuck just happened…?

She is left deeply troubled by this unexpected outburst.

From their vantage point, the walled-off community looks like it is hibernating under the steadily falling snow. There isn’t much visible activity, except for smoke rising out the chimneys of several households.

“Looks peaceful down there.”

Max observes from atop his horse.

Tom comes up alongside him. He squints at the miniature-sized settlement down below. “They’ve beefed up the perimeter since last time.”

“You must’ve left a pretty bad impression on your first visit.”

Tom scoffs. “These folks are tough as nails and they aren’t very trusting. It’ll take more than a few visits to win them over. They’re a stubborn bunch.”

“It’s just a joke, Tom.”

Behind them, Abby and Lev silently watched their interactions, keeping a respectable distance from them. A fifth member of the team is off to the side, going through the logbook from the previous expedition.

Abby notices Lev holding his bow tightly in his gloved hand, staying alert for any sudden attacks. It’s an adult-sized hunting bow and it sat awkwardly on his small frame whenever he carried it on his back.

“I got something for you.”

Abby had said to him back on the island, as they were preparing to depart.

“It’s a bit big, but you’ll grow into it.”

Lev wasn’t sure if that was supposed to be a joke. But then Abby had gotten all serious after that, as she got down to his eye-level and talked to him slowly and firmly.

“It’s been a while since we’ve gone out there. I know you’re still good with the bow, but promise me. Only use it to defend yourself. And just run away if you don’t think you can handle a situation. Okay?”

He didn’t give her a straight answer. But he has never let go of the bow since, even when he sleeps.

Abby gently places her hand on his shoulder which is met with a small flinching reaction, but it does make him loosen his grip on the weapon.

Max and Tom have finished surveying and are coming towards them. The woman reading the logbook notices and joins the group.

“Okay, so here’s how it goes. Max, Julia and myself - the three of us are gonna go down first and greet them. They know us from the first expedition and familiar faces are less likely to alarm them, as of course a smaller group rather than a crowd. We’ll signal you to come join us once we’ve uh…‘talked’ to them. Keep your eyes on the gate.”

“Hope you guys don’t mind hanging back.” Max casually talks to Abby and Lev, turning a phony smile towards them.

“Not at all.” Abby answers with a blank expression, not giving away any emotions.

Max keeps the smile plastered on his face and lingers his gaze just a little too long on Abby as if to scrutinize her and it makes her uncomfortable, but Tom clears his throat and Max just gives a small “hmm” and the three of them start to trot off down the mountain path.

Abby follows their movement with her eyes until they disappear into the woods. She lets herself breathe. Lev turns to her.

“They don’t trust us.”

“They don’t trust me, Lev. And why should they? I haven’t given them any reason to.”

When she signed them up for the mission, Abby hadn’t expected that the ones she saw at the canteen that night would be part of the expedition team. The administrators who processed the application were rightfully skeptical about her sudden interest in their missions and so were her teammates. After all, she had done everything to avoid any meaningful interaction with the Fireflies at the base. But they seemed to somehow know that Lev was interested in the missions which ended up being sufficient enough reason for them.

“On the other hand, I think you’re on their good side.” Abby says to Lev in a lighter tone.

Lev gives a little shrug.

The trek to Wyoming had been no easy feat, with the final stretch being particularly tough, trudging through the snowy mountain landscape. And the path was littered with the infected. Runners, Stalkers, Clickers…they even ran into some Bloaters along the way. Lev proved to be an invaluable member of the team, as he took out many of them with expert precision. His arrows landed exactly where they needed to almost all the time, and it brought a sense of security to the team. He even did most of the communicating for her too, as she had no intentions of becoming friendly, and so she opened her mouth only when necessary, keeping conversations to a bare minimum. As a result, they quickly came to like him while they distanced themselves from her.

They move up to the edge of the cliff overlooking Jackson. A shiver goes down Abby’s spine as the perimeter fence and the homes within it slowly comes into view.

She was hellbent on revenge the last time she observed Jackson in a similar manner, and the entire community had looked like an ominous evil lair that harbored criminals. A dangerous place that could bring bad things to her and her friends.

It looked very different now.

Were they there? Were they back to their “normal” lives again? Working, eating, sleeping, spending their days in mundane tranquility in that community?

Was she there?

Abby moves her gaze across the entire place, from fence to fence.

If you are there, I hope we can talk it out this time.

Her sincere thoughts are heard by no one, covered up by the heavy snow.

Ellie packs her backpack sluggishly. She keeps her frequently-used items stored in it at all times, so she only needs to add a few more stuff for the patrol, but she is not enthusiastic at all about getting ready.

This was the first patrol she was joining after coming back to Jackson. In fact, it would be one of the few times she’s even stepped out of her garage home after getting back.

When she returned, Maria took one look at her and quickly determined that Ellie was in no condition to fully reintegrate back into the community. Ellie managed to tell her about Dina and JJ’s fate but it took a considerable amount of effort getting it out. And Maria’s reaction only added to her anguish. Maria was uncharacteristically distressed -visibly so- needing a moment to process the information. She rarely showed that kind of vulnerability. For Maria, losing any member of the community felt like a part of her dying with them, but the loss of those two impacted her in a way she had not expected. Yet, she had stepped up as a true guardian of her people, doing the difficult job, telling Ellie that she would be the one to deliver the tragic news to Jesse’s parents. She also assured her that Tommy would be told not to approach her until she was ready to talk to him. Ellie was forever grateful for that. She did not know how she would explain the series of events that went down in Santa Barbara. She knew she would mess it up by telling too much or too little. In the end, Tommy would never be satisfied, however she explained it.

Ellie glances around the room to check if she’s forgotten anything. She spots a small tower of dishes and mutters to herself about washing them later. Maria had asked some people to come over and give her food. Made sure she didn’t starve herself. It made her feel so pathetic and useless. She hated the way they would awkwardly shove the food into her hands without making eye-contact and hurry away. Recently she started telling them to just leave it at the door. Were they just tolerating her now? Was she a burden?

Was there even a place for her here anymore?

Joining today’s patrol was one step towards proving that she hasn’t completely lost it. That she belongs here. And besides, they were short-handed and couldn’t really afford to have someone with experience and who knew how to handle weapons to sit around idly anyways.

It was a daunting step though. And she makes sure to pack her CD player so that she can escape from any unbearable situations. Like having to do awkward conversation with her patrol-mate. She needed her portable safe space.

She packs one last thing. The jacket that had accompanied her to Santa Barbara. Having it gave her reassurance as if Joel was with her on her travels, protecting her. Just the way he did when she was a kid and they travelled across the country together. But before she puts it in the backpack, she holds it in her hand and hesitates.

Did she really need it?

It’s always a good idea to carry around an extra layer in the winter-time.

She tells herself this odd, PSA-like justification, and shoves the jacket in the already bulging bag.

After she’s done packing, Ellie checks the cylinder of her revolver. It feels heavier than it did before. She hadn’t handled it since that day on the farm when she was about to use it on herself.

One of these bullets should have killed me.

She thinks grimly as she confirms that all six bullets are there.

Is that why her heart is picking up pace right now? But she finds herself thinking more about WLF soldiers and Seraphites leaking their brains out of a bullet hole in their head, rather than her own suicide attempt.

“And then the flash of steel from real guns in real life really fills my mind…”

She quickly puts away the gun in her holster as if it was hot coal burning her hand.

Her switchblade is waiting for her in its usual place by the front door. At the end of the day, it may be the one and only thing she needs to survive in this world. So, would it have been left at the bottom of the sea, forgotten forever, if Abby hadn’t found it and left it by her side? Yet another way in which Abby has complicated things in her life.

Before she leaves, she turns around at the doorway, taking in the entire room. It was strange how this shabby place felt so spacious and comfortable when she was in it. It became her entire world, a world in which only she and her thoughts existed. She was insulated from harm there. But she knows that that world will look small and insignificant when she comes back, after going out there in the bigger world.

She gets out and closes the door behind her. Despite her just being there seconds ago, the room looks like nobody has lived there in ages. There are just some dust particles dancing in the air where she was standing. They eventually settle and then there is no movement at all.

“Please get Maria! She’ll know what to do!”

Tom shouts while raising his hands in the air.

Don’t fuckin’ shoot me you pricks.

The two guards at the watchtower are pointing their rifles at the three unknown visitors that have arrived a few minutes ago. Both of them are on edge. They look like they’re about to faint.

It quickly became evident within the first few seconds of approaching the gate that they aren’t going to get anywhere talking to the guards and so Tom decided to go straight to the head honcho.

The guard on one side of the gate gestures at the other and then he disappears behind the fence.

“Going real smooth Tom, just like we planned.” Max comments sarcastically and Tom shoots him a look. Max doesn’t seem to care and continues.

“Looks like it’s gonna be a long day.”

The snow is coming down stronger and without pause, a seemingly endless supply of it stored up in the clouds above.

It creates an unnatural silence as if Ellie had lost her sense of hearing. And her vision is limited as well, making it feel as if the rows of houses around her had vanished, leaving her isolated in an unfamiliar location. She is further isolated from the outer world in her layers of clothes and she focuses only on her breathing while she slowly proceeds through the streets. Why did she feel so much more alone in a place surrounded by other people, than when she was living in a farm in the middle of nowhere?

She focuses on remembering how she used to do the patrol routes. But going out on patrol on a snowy winter day brought up unwelcome memories that did not help to mentally prepare her for the day’s task. It also didn’t help that she wasn’t told who her partner was going to be. When she first arrived in Jackson years ago, she didn’t really care what people thought of her, as long as she had Joel with her. Then she formed a tight-knit social circle with a select few people like Cat, Jesse and Dina. Now on her own, meeting new people -even if they’re townsfolk- felt like the most frightening thing in the world.

She is nearing the stables when she notices a faint outline of a figure in the street up ahead. The anxiety in her doubles and she suddenly finds herself frantically doing a last minute search in her head for the appropriate way to greet someone in this sort of setting.

“Hello there, fellow patrol-person!”

No, that didn’t sound like a human at all. Maybe just a "hello" would do, it’s simple enough and-

She stops dead in her tracks. She squints hard to try and get a better look through the snow that is now cascading down like a waterfall. Her heart is beating way too fast.

The figure is walking away from her, but Ellie can make out the basic features that define them: chiseled biceps that could crush an infected’s head, a confident wide stride, and a lock of braided hair in gold, dancing behind them as they walked.

…Abby?

Exactly as she remembers her. Everything. Even down to her clothes. Wearing a fuckin’ tank top in this godforsaken weather.

She is moving away, getting fainter.

“Abby! Wait!”

Ellie shouts after her. But the figure turns around the street corner, getting out of sight.

Shit.

Ellie tries her darndest to run across the thick layer of snow on the ground.

She finally reaches the corner and goes around it.

“Don’t go!”

I need to talk to you

“Ab-”

She faces an empty street with pristine snow on the ground. No footsteps, no shadow, no Abby. Nothing.

A gust of icy cold wind blows into Ellie’s face as she stood there, baffled. What did she just see? Has she gone completely mad? What was happening to her? Her mind starts racing and she feels her stomach churn. She desperately attempts to maintain her grasp on reality, but it is slipping away and her confidence in her senses are waning. Her breathing becomes shallow and fast, the sensation of suffocation creeping in. She needs somebody, something, anything to ground her. She’s going to drown, she’s-

A hand reaches out from behind and grabs her by the shoulder.

With a yelp, Ellie swings her body around while violently shoving the assailant with as much force as possible.

They fall on their back, letting out a pained grunt. Ellie turns her fearful gaze towards them.

Tommy…!

He’s gotten so much older. His hair had thinned out and the remaining strands were as weak as his limbs and they stuck out of his scalp untidily. Deep creases have formed on his temple, around his eyes and his cheeks. Ellie used to joke that Joel was more than 100 years old, but Tommy is now much older than Joel ever was.

He seemed to be having trouble getting up.

Ellie reflexively goes to offer her hand, but at the same time, her eyes focus on his wrinkled face, rapidly searching for any emotions, which is something she’s done a lot in her life and has become second nature to her.

Confusion, pain, anger…

Fear.

Ellie retracts her hand and takes a step back.

“I, I’m…” She stutters as Tommy starts to get up with difficulty, and she simultaneously takes another step back. She sees him move his mouth, about to say something.

Something snaps inside Ellie.

She turns around and sprints.

She runs and runs and runs, quickly depleting her lungs of oxygen from sheer exertion of running through snow, straining to gasp for air, only to fill her lungs with the icy atmosphere, stabbing her warm insides with crystal knives. She coughs and gags but keeps running.

Ellie reaches the stables and stumbles into it. She spots several horses with their saddles on, ready for the day’s patrol. She rushes over to one and jumps on it. A stable hand comes in, visibly upset and confused by this sudden intrusion.

“Woah woah, what’s the rush? You’re early. Your partner isn’t here yet-”

She gives a kick to the stomach and the horse lifts its front legs, neighing. It darts forward.

“Hey! Where’re you going!”

But she is already out of the stable and onto the main street, bolting down it, heading straight towards the gates. She doesn’t know what she’ll do once she’s there. The gates won’t be open.

As she approaches the perimeter, several hazy silhouettes begin to appear. She cannot tell who they are through the snow, but they seemed to be visitors who are being let in. Which means…

The gates are open.

She gives another kick to the horse and speeds up.

The people around the gate notice her approaching and they direct their attention towards her. She hears one of the guards shout. “Hey…hey! Stop!” At the same time, one of the visitors, a big bulky-looking man, places his hand on his sidearm, seemingly ready to draw. Ellie braces for gunfire. But then another man with a beard comes up alongside him and stops him.

It all happens in a matter of seconds and before they know it, she is out the gates, outside of the community, out in the world.

The last thing Ellie hears is the guard shouting down from the watchtower to the others. “Who the hell was that?”

She may have also heard a familiar voice calling her name. She may have recognized the owner of the voice. She may have seen the expression on that person’s face as she rode past them. The emotion behind that expression was hard to read but it may have been one of betrayal. That Ellie was running from them like this, after what they’ve done for her.

But she shakes her head and leaves that thought behind.

Lev is first to notice the commotion at the gates. He focuses his attention on the movement of people down below.

“Something’s wrong.”

Abby shields her eyes from the snow with her hand and looks in the same direction. Right as she does so, a single horse rider dashes out of the gates at full speed.

“The hell…? What is going on down there?”

She follows the rider as they disappear into the woods, apparently heading towards the mountain path that leads to them. Whoever it was, they seemed to be running away from the community.

“Coming this way. Get ready, Lev.”

Lev unsheathes an arrow and nocks it, aiming at the opening in the woods. He has a tight grip on his bow. Abby moves half a step ahead of him and unholsters her handgun.

They both stare ahead of them with bated breath, not knowing what was going to jump out of the woods, but nevertheless preparing themselves to face whatever was about to come out.

A part of Ellie’s brain is telling her to calm down and turn around. There was still time to make things right. She can apologize to Tommy and return to her life in the garage room. But she is running through the woods as fast as possible, away from her thoughts, away from everything. She can’t stop now. She can’t look back.

She sees an opening up ahead at the edge of the woods. She knows it leads to a clearing. The ledge that overlooks Jackson. It almost feels like the light at the end of the tunnel.

Ellie bursts out into the open, but as soon as she does so, she is surprised by two figures standing right in front of her, waiting for her, and she yanks hard on the horse’s reins, making it buck wildly. She is thrown on the ground, landing safely thanks to the thick snow. Meanwhile, the horse runs off, back into the woods.

It takes a moment for her to get her bearings, but she is conscious that she has company and that they needed to be dealt with quickly. She looks up and swings her head around to locate the two and…

Immediately, her knees go weak. Her vision goes blurry and she can feel her mind start to slip into a foggy dreamlike state again, where things moved in different timescales. She is travelling into a different dimension, into outer space...

It’s her.

Ellie knows that this one is real because she looks different. Her hair was not in her characteristic braid style and she didn’t have the hulking presence she used to have. She didn’t look like her ghastly self from Santa Barbara either.

But most noticeably, she didn’t have the cold, condescending demeanor Ellie had pictured her having in all of her imaginary versions, and instead she wore a look of uncertainty, concern…worry.

…why are you looking at me like that…?

Amidst all the chaos, Abby’s mind is strangely taken back to the day when she and her dad -and Owen- rescued an exotic zoo animal caught in barbed wire. The majestic beast had thrashed around, injuring itself further by letting the sharp metal edges dig deeper into its flesh. It was panicked and could not see that they were there to help. It was a surreal yet human moment. A moment of goodness on a day of significance. The day in which…

“Abby! What are we doing!”

She is pulled back to the present by Lev’s yell of distress.

He needs her. She needs to stay strong.

Get it together, Abigail.

She holsters her gun, dismounts her horse and starts walking towards the cowering figure, when she hears shouting from below. She looks towards the gates and sees that her teammates have turned around and was beginning to head back this way.

Their guns were drawn.

Abby curses under her breath and swiftly moves across the clearing while making sure she wasn’t making aggressive strides.

Ellie is on the ground, weakly backing away with her hands and feet.

“n, no…no…”

Abby didn’t need to be a mind-reader to tell from her body language that she was in a very unstable condition and that fear had gotten hold of her completely, as if she was being confronted by the Reaper himself. “Don’t touch me.” She could almost hear her say.

She lifts her hands up to show that they’re empty and slowly moves forward until she is within reaching distance of Ellie. She kneels down to get on the same eye-level as her.

“It’s okay, calm down.” The words come out gentle and Abby is surprised by how composed her own voice sounds.

She extends her hand towards Ellie.

“We need to go.”

Ellie looks at her hand, then at her face.

Abby could see the fear and panic in Ellie’s eyes recede further and further away until they were no longer there. It seems like she has returned to Earth.

Ellie grabs Abby’s hand.

Abby hoists her up and takes her to the horse where she mounts first. With a little help, Ellie is able to pull herself up, behind Abby.

Abby looks at Lev. He doesn’t say anything. He just gives a nod. That is enough for Abby and she kicks the horse, breaking into a gallop. Lev follows close behind.

As they rode through what was now a full-on blizzard and entered into the woods, Abby’s mind returns to that day again.

“We’ve got to cut her loose.” Her dad told her as they tried to save the distressed zebra. He didn’t stop to discuss why they were doing it or whether or not they should in the first place. He was like that. He saw a life in need of help and just acted.

She will never forget that day. The day Joel killed her dad and Ellie entered her life.

Chapter Text

The blizzard howled furiously as its intensity increased. With almost no visibility, Abby could hardly tell where she was headed, but a few abandoned objects here and there as well as the presence of cleanly cut tree stumps faintly suggested a man-made pathway, which she decided to follow.

She kept looking behind her to make sure Lev was on her tail. Every time she did, she would see the top of Ellie’s head bobbing up and down, reminding her of this utterly bizarre situation. Ellie’s face was buried into her back and Abby couldn’t tell what kind of expression she had at the moment.

Soon, she nears a narrow path and slows her horse down to pass through it. It is surrounded on both sides by strange-looking trees with twisted branches reaching out towards her. As she moves through it, she is suddenly hit with an unsettling sensation.

We're being watched.

Despite the freezing temperature, she can feel chills go down her spine and her sweat going cold. She gives a quick look towards the dark shadows beyond the trees. It feels like the darkness is staring right back at her. Who or what could possibly be hiding in these woods in this inhospitable weather? She is momentarily engulfed with terror, but then the sensation goes away just as soon as it came. Whatever it was that was watching them has extinguished its presence.

Right at that moment, a loud neighing sound rips through the air. Abby swings her head to see Lev being thrown to the ground. His horse seemed to have been spooked by something.

“Lev!” Abby shouts as she brings her horse to an abrupt halt.

As if waiting for this opportunity, a runner appears out of nowhere and comes crashing through the thick curtain of snow. Only now that it is visible can they all hear its high-pitched shriek that sounds too much like the pained scream of a non-infected human being. It takes no time for it to run up to Lev and it pounces on him.

Abby jumps off her horse and rushes towards Lev.

Ellie realizes what is going on and reaches for her revolver, but her heart gives an irregular thump and she feels queasiness in her gut. Her hand trembles. It is stiff and it refuses to grab the butt of the gun.

...It’s okay, she’s got this.

She tells herself as she is frozen on top of the horse.

The snow gets in Abby’s way and it frustratingly impedes her movement but she powers through it and finally the scene of the attack start to come into view. She doesn’t hesitate a second to go right up next to the rabid runner furiously thrashing at Lev and shoots its head point blank with her handgun. It goes down, slumping on top of him.

With a grunt, she throws the corpse off of him and helps him up.

“You okay?”

As soon as Lev gives her a nervous nod, they both hear a chorus of bone-chilling screams echo in the near distance. It feels too close.

“We gotta keep going!”

Abby shouts and they both hurry back to their horses. They immediately take off.

Ellie feels relieved to have Abby back on the horse with her. She honestly did not know what she would do if she was attacked while alone. She hasn’t felt this vulnerable in a long while, perhaps since she was a child when she first set foot out of the Boston quarantine zone. She suppresses the part of her brain that's trying to figure out why this is happening to her now. It could just be a little bout of nervousness. That’s all it was.

It’s probably nothing.

She tries to convince herself.

They follow the path further up the mountain. Eventually, the silhouette of a large structure begin to partially appear ahead of them through the snow. At first, Abby is relieved to have reached a potential shelter in this snowstorm, but as they approached closer and closer to it, her relief starts to turn into anxiety.

“You gotta be kidding me…”

Maybe returning here was somewhere on her mind the whole time they were travelling to Jackson. Maybe her subconscious had sneakily guided her here without her being aware of it. What a sick joke. She looks around. There is nothing but trees and snow surrounding the area. She looks back at where they came from. The hoard hasn’t given up and she can still hear their ghoulish screams behind them.

Got no other choice.

She certainly did not know of any other places around this area.

With a slight worried glance over her shoulder at Ellie, she approaches the gates of the property. She dismounts her horse and opens the gates.

Ellie looks up. Her face contorts. Abby notices as she comes back.

“We got no other choice.”

She repeats to Ellie what she told herself moments ago.

They enter the premises, close the gate, and tie their horses in the garage. Every action she took in the mansion reminded Abby of the last time she was here, and it was like having a nasty headache, each memory pounding and stabbing her head in waves of pain.

They move into the living room and Abby and Lev drop their bags. Lev immediately goes to start a fire while Ellie takes her position on a small couch, her legs up against her chest and her arms wrapped around them in a defensive position. She doesn’t let go of her backpack.

Abby stands in the middle of the room and briefly looks over at the area where she and her WLF mates had laid out their sleeping bags when they first came to Jackson. That felt like ages ago, in a different life almost. What made it even more unreal was that all of them were gone now. They had slept side-by-side right here, breathing, snoring, sleep-talking…

You were doing your teeth grinding thing.

Owen’s words come back from the past and float through the air, as if they were waiting in this mansion to be revisited by Abby.

She shakes her head to rid of this intrusive thought and tries to focus on what is going on in front of her right now.

As soon as Lev finishes lighting up the fireplace, Abby goes over to him.

“Lev, show me your arms.”

“I’m okay.”

“Just…show me.”

Lev brings his arms up hesitantly and Abby immediately rolls up his sleeves. She checks both of his arms, confirming that they were unscathed. But she doesn’t stop there and starts checking other parts of his body for injuries, ending up doing a thorough scan all over him as he stood there awkwardly.

“Abby…” Lev complains sheepishly.

Abby faces him and grabs both of his shoulders. She looks straight into his eyes.

“God, I thought I was gonna lose you back there. Don’t scare me like that.”

“I don’t know what else I could’ve done. I lost control of my horse…”

“If you’re in trouble, call for me. Shout, scream, anything.” Abby has a genuinely worried look on her face like her own life depended on this.

Ellie observes their interaction from the couch with utter bemusement.

Who was this person?

While Ellie does remember Abby being protective of the kid back on the beach in Santa Barbara, she had not expected this kind of tenderness from her. It was jarring. This unfamiliar, nurturing and caring figure in front of her couldn’t possibly be the same person who is capable of unleashing the most despicable atrocities including torture and murder...can it? The dissonance is made even worse by the fact that this is taking place in the same location that Abby displayed that savagery in front of Ellie.

She watches Abby gently placing her hand on Lev’s head and giving his hair a little ruffle.

Perhaps this aspect of her had always existed. It’s just a side of Abby that Ellie never got to know about. Maybe Ellie never wanted to accept that Abby was a complex individual with her own thoughts, values and troubles. Abby wasn’t supposed to have humanity. It was much easier to just view her as a heartless brute.

This complexity, this duality, it reminded Ellie of someone else. Someone who, for all their life, masked their inner emotions with violence and gruffness, only to have another person who needed them, looked up to them, come into their life and slowly help them recover their humanity, peeling away their protective layers piece by piece, allowing them to open up little by little. She realizes it’s almost like seeing Jo-

No. She doesn’t allow herself to finish that thought.

Abby notices Ellie’s gaze and walks over to her.

Ellie is only now starting to fully grasp the reality of the situation. This is not one of her imaginations. The person who is getting closer and closer to her at this moment is as real as the bone-chilling cold air keeping her awake.

As Abby approaches, Ellie unconsciously lets her thoughts spill out of her mouth.

“You’re real…” she utters, almost like a whisper. She looks at Abby with wide eyes as if an unicorn suddenly appeared in front of her.

Abby stops. She is taken aback by Ellie’s behavior. What happened to her after their last encounter in Santa Barbara? Why was she like this? Was this really the terrifying, relentless pursuer that had chased her to the end of the world, slaughtering everyone on her path to revenge? The one that fought like her own life didn’t matter as long as she can take it away from her opponent? When they faced off in the theater and Ellie -seemingly having lost all semblance of control or humanity- bit down on Abby’s arm to escape her grasp, she was the embodiment of pure rage. Abby touches her arm, where a bite mark use to be.

Abby could not feel that wave of searing hot hatred radiating out of the person in front of her. In fact, she seemed to suck the energy out of everything around her like a black hole, the concept of which had fascinated Abby when she read about it in a book on astronomy.

Was she even in a condition to talk?

The sudden realization fills her with dread. What if she was finally able to face the source of her sleepless nights and frustrations, only to find that she had completely lost her mind and was not able to provide her with a satisfying answer to her questions?

Still, there were more immediate concerns that needed to be addressed. Abby decides to focus on those.

“Are you hurt?”

Ellie doesn’t register the question. She blinks.

“What?”

Abby caring for her safety and wellbeing was still a strange new concept, even after accepting her hand back on the ledge. But Ellie notices that Abby’s tone wasn’t entirely compassionate and more administrative and clinical. Ellie isn’t quite sure what kind of tone she should answer in. She decides to go with “straightforward.”

“…no, I don’t think so.”

Awkward silence ensues.

Under her calm demeanor, Abby is racking her brains to think of the next move. She had simulated this situation over and over again in her head. She had so many questions. But now that she was actually in a position to ask anything, she couldn’t for the life of her come up with anything to say.

Right as Abby is about to break the silence, Ellie suddenly cuts in with a question.

“Aren’t you gonna ask why I was running?”

The fact that Ellie was trying to run away from her own community did bother Abby somewhat, but she knew it was most likely a sensitive topic for Ellie. Maybe she was testing Abby, to see how she would react and what kind of boundaries she is willing to set. Abby knew that in order to gain the trust of others, one must trust them first. Of course, Abby was selective in who she wanted to build a relationship of trust. It seemed like a good idea to establish such as relationship with Ellie if she wanted to have an honest conversation with her.

She decided to respect her privacy if she wanted to have it.

“Do you…want me to?”

This response seemed to puzzle Ellie. Perhaps she didn’t expect to be given a choice. After some thought, she answers.

“…no.”

By now, Lev had come over to witness the fascinating, if not incredibly stilted back-and-forth.

As if the first question had given her the courage to speak up, Ellie continues with her queries.

“Who were those people? Aren’t they with you?”

Abby picks up immediately that she’s referring to her Firefly teammates. This makes her cautious. Ellie stabs her with her penetrating stare and the air between them become tense. Abby only now realizes the terrifyingly captivating quality of Ellie’s eyes. Even if Ellie no longer had the same drive or energy as before, her eyes still retained the strength of her will. This was a topic that Abby could not be truthful about, and she was afraid Ellie would see right through her lies with those sharp eyes. Abby crosses her arms and tries her best to sound natural.

“Not really. We traveled together but we were gonna go our separate ways after reaching Jackson.”

Lev gives her a weird look. Ellie takes note of this.

Abby follows up her explanation.

“Seems like they’ve been asked to bring you back. But I assume that's not something you want. And I wouldn’t say I entirely trust my travelling companions to be kind with you. I suggest we go somewhere where they won't find us.”

Ellie could tell she wasn't giving her the full picture. And she still didn’t quite understand what any of it really had to do with Abby. Why she would care for her safety or care about how she was treated by others. But her intentions to help seemed genuine and it seemed foolish to try and question her motives when Ellie could really use that help.

“So where are we going?” Ellie asks expectantly.

And then Abby suddenly drops her air of confidence and looks away, with one hand on the back of her neck, scratching.

“Uhm…”

Ellie’s expression goes blank for a few seconds. Then she looks at Abby in disbelief.

“I thought you had this shit all figured out or something.”

It is a honest reaction, and it stings Abby.

“How could I? You just appeared out of nowhere. I didn’t even know if you were in Jackson.”

Lev had been eagerly waiting for the right moment to jump into the conversation and he decided that now was the time.

“She’s only like that when it comes to you.”

It proved to be a misjudgment.

“Lev.” Abby stops him with a glare.

But it was true. Abby rarely made rash or illogical decisions and she usually had some kind of plan prepared so that she did not have to stop and worry about what to do next, like she was doing right now. And somehow, for some inexplicable reason, Ellie blew all of that out of the water.

Lev gives Abby a shrug and changes the subject by providing actual constructive advice.

“I think we should head down South towards the border. We could maybe find a community in Texas or we could even cross the border. I think we’ll be able to lose them and avoid ‘unnecessary attention’ that way.”

It was a bold suggestion. Abby wasn’t really expecting for them to return to Catalina Island after what had happened, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready for them to go on an extensive road trip with Ellie. But they did need to go somewhere, preferably a place with little to no Firefly presence.

Lev seemed to be more than on board about travelling long distance with Ellie. She wasn’t sure where that enthusiasm was coming from, but she does remember the postings back on base for the Fireflies’ missions and understood what Lev meant by “avoiding unnecessary attention” in the Southern region. Lev’s right. He’s always right.

“Okay…” Abby says under her breath, convincing herself of the idea. Then, she nods and looks up resolutely.

“Okay. That sounds like a plan. What do you say, uh…”

She turns to Lev for help.

“Ellie, right?”

Ellie jolts her head up to face Lev. He smiles at her. Abby hasn’t seen him smile like that in a while.

It was wild to think that she didn’t really know Ellie’s name up until now. After so much they’ve done to each other -in a way they were more intimately connected than any two people ever could (they knew the taste of each other’s blood)- and yet she still wasn’t sure of her name. She vaguely recalls hearing Ellie’s name being called in the theater, but that part was fuzzy. Perhaps her mind had opted to see Ellie as just a nameless threat, a force of nature, a natural calamity.

Ellie nods to confirm that he’s got her name right, and then takes a second to think about what Lev had just proposed.

“Sure. Don’t have anywhere else to go anyways.”

Abby and Lev look at each other. There’s determination on both of their faces. Their path forward has been decided.

“Alright. They won’t come looking for us in this weather, but as soon as it clears up, we need to leave.”

Abby tells them and starts walking towards the fireplace, ready to thaw her freezing body against the warmth.

“Get some rest till then. We’re gonna need it.”

Before she gets too far, Ellie calls her name.

“Abby.”

Abby stops but does not look back. Her body stiffens immediately. Her heart is pounding in her chest.

After a moment of hesitation, Ellie speaks.

“I wanted to ask you so many things… and now I can’t remember any of it.”

Ellie didn’t know why she was telling her this. Perhaps she just wanted Abby to know that she had spent so much of her time and energy -and sacrificed so much more- in pursuit of Abby. Ellie imagines Abby not liking this one bit. Abby will probably tell her to fuck right off or just ignore her at best, even if she has been patient with her so far. Ellie wasn't sure where the line was drawn. So she is surprised when she is met with an unexpected response.

Abby’s shoulders relax a little. She answers in a quiet voice.

“Same here.”

And then she walks off.

Ellie finds herself atop a flight of dirty grey concrete stairs in a dark corridor. The stairs lead down to a shadowy pit where an ominous-looking door awaits.

No, not again…

It was all too familiar.

She turns around to escape but there is only a cement wall blocking her way. Obviously none of it was real, but still her mind forced her to perceive them as such. It was excruciating to have to experience this psychological torture over and over again, while somewhere in her head she was well aware that it was all made up.

She knew what was coming next. Ellie braces herself, waiting for the screaming to start.

But there is nothing but silence. This was not how it usually went.

She cautiously descends the staircase, each step amplifying her anxiety, until she is facing the dreaded door. The door that never opens. The one that separates life and death.

Ellie touches the handle, expecting it to not budge. It has no texture, no temperature, it’s just an idea of a handle.

It moves.

This makes her hesitate. Does she really want to see the other side of this door? But if she is imagining this, why did her subconscious decide that it should be unlocked today?

She pushes the handle down and puts her weight against the door, which opens without a sound.

Ellie stands at the doorway, the door now wide open, and she is faced with an empty room. There is nothing in here. No furniture, no life, no bloody massacre.

She steps inside. The emptiness of it makes herself feel hollow. The place was so lifeless. It seemed to be waiting for it to be occupied. But with what?

The door closes behind her. The lights disappear and everything goes dark.

She awakes, startled, to an unfamiliar environment. Ellie sits up and scans her surroundings. There is a fire going on in the fireplace, woods crackling. It gently illuminates the spacious room with an orange glow, along with the dim moonlight shining in from the large glass windows. She sees the back of a young boy laying on the floor near her, shoulders moving up and down rhythmically, and she remembers where she is.

She searches for Abby. She does not seem to be nearby.

Then Ellie spots her by the large windows, looking out into the night.

Ellie gets up and walks towards her, noticing how the moonlight shined off her golden hair, creating a soft, almost dreamlike scene.

Abby sees Ellie’s reflection in the glass and talks to her without turning to face her.

“Were you dreaming?”

Ellie stops a few steps away from Abby.

“I think so…not sure what it was about though.” She says this to preemptively avoid being asked what she was dreaming about. In reality, she did retain some memory of it.

“Didn’t sound like you were having a fun time.”

“Yeah, well considering where we are…” and Ellie trails off, unsure if she should go on.

Abby shifts her weight uneasily. Ellie quickly follows up.

“You know, when we first got here, I didn’t think that I’ll be able to rest, like, at all. I thought I’d stress myself out the whole time we’re here. But I ended up falling asleep, just like that.”

And then she looks down with furrowed brows, speaking her next words in a more serious tone, giving away how conflicted she was.

“I don’t know if that’s a good thing.”

Abby turns around to face Ellie.

“Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you if you’re having a bad dream or something. I’m gonna be up anyways.”

It was a strange proposition and an awkward way to comfort her if that was the intention behind it, but something else about it stuck out to Ellie.

“Aren’t you going to get some rest?”

Ellie hasn’t seen Abby sleep at all.

“Someone’s gotta keep an eye out.”

“We could take turns or something.”

“Look, I got this. Just go back to sleep.”

Ellie stood there, seemingly discontent about being shooed away. It almost felt as if Abby was treating her like a child.

Abby looks at Ellie’s disgruntled face and decides to make her stay a little longer by asking something that has been on her mind.

“About Jackson…don’t worry, I’m not going to ask why you left.”

Abby quickly reassures Ellie, noticing the even more scowling expression on her face.

“…but, surely someone is worried about you, right?”

Ellie drops the frown, sighs, and then walks over to the nearby couch she sat on earlier that day. Her backpack is resting on it. She moves it to the side and plops down.

“Maria, maybe.” She says, almost as if she is talking to herself. Tommy’s face from that moment of their unexpected encounter flashes across her mind, but she does not bring him up.

“Who’s she?”

“Leader of the community. I now her since I first moved in back when I was a kid.”

'Leader'

Abby thinks about the most impactful leader figure she had in her life.

It wasn’t her dad. He was literally the commander of the Salt Lake outpost, but to her, her dad was like a friend. He was funny, easy to approach, compassionate. But after he was abruptly taken form her, she needed someone who would be tough with her and train her to be the person she sought to be.

That was who Isaac was. He was the polar opposite of her dad. He was razor-sharp with his focus and had zero tolerance for bullshit. He took her in along with her friends and taught them to become effective soldiers. To him, people were just tools he used to achieve his objectives. He liked those who served him well, so naturally he was proud of how strong and capable Abby grew up to be.

But at the same time, there was something else. With Abby, he didn’t have the same detachment he showed to other soldiers. He needed to maintain his persona as a fierce, ruthless leader, but there was a soft, nurturing side in him somewhere. She sensed that he wanted to get along with her, maybe even have a drink and laugh. She could tell that Isaac and her dad would have been good friends.

“I guess she sees me like her daughter or something.”

Abby is taken back to their conversation, surprised to hear the parallels between what she was just thinking and what Ellie just said.

“Yeah, I had someone like that too.”

She tries to quickly move the conversation along.

“Anyone else? What about that girl-” and then she realizes what she was about to say and stops herself. She hopes she could take back what she was about to say or Ellie would just dismiss it, but Ellie knows what Abby was about to ask.

Ellie looks down at her lap and the tone of her voice changes completely.

“She’s gone.”

Abby can’t remember if she’s ever heard such deep sorrow in someone’s voice.

“The baby too.”

The air between them becomes cold and tense. And then Ellie starts to tell her story succinctly but emotionally, enunciating each word carefully.

“We had...a life…not a perfect one, but a nice, simple, cozy little life…Dina, JJ...and me…we were a family.”

Ellie sniffs, and her voice starts to tremble. Her knuckles are white from clenching her fists tightly on her lap.

“And then I threw it all away…to find you…!”

By now she is squeezing her words out, coming out as raspy whispers. And then the barriers holding back her emotions break down and she can’t control the tears or the volume of her voice.

“Oh god…OH GOD…she loved me, she fuckin’ LOVED ME.”

Ellie brings up one of her arms and bites into her sleeve, trying to muffle her sobs and groans.

It was a devastating revelation of just how much that girl had meant to Ellie. The same girl that Abby almost executed right in front of her. Abby realizes in horror the full gravity of what she could have done and the consequences it would have brought. It genuinely scared her. Lev was absolutely right in stopping her. He was always right.

Yet, in the end, even after surviving the whole ordeal in Seattle, she could not have a life with Ellie. There were a million ways one could die in this world. Whether it be by the hands of an infected, or hunters or FEDRA or some cult group, or it could be from an accident or suicide. It could happen any day, at any point in one's life. It felt like a miracle that they were still alive.

Still sniffling, Ellie continues.

“After I lost them…I almost did it, you know? Almost finished the job for you.”

She unholsters her revolver and looks at the glinting metal under the moonlight.

For a second, Abby didn’t understand what she meant, but then she gets it and it hits her hard. The idea that Ellie would have ended herself like that seemed impossible, especially now that she was facing a living, breathing Ellie. To think that Abby would have come all this way only to find her dead…

“What…made you stop?”

Ellie doesn’t answer. Instead she turns her head towards her backpack.

Carefully, Abby takes a few steps towards Ellie. She directs her attention to the backpack. At first, she doesn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. But as she keeps looking, she notices something odd. A dirty piece of rag tied to the top handle. She squints at it.

Why the hell does she have a…

And then it clicks.

Really?

When Abby instinctively pulled Ellie's unconscious body out of the cold seawater and treated her amputated fingers in Santa Barbara, she had not expected her act to end up imbuing her with the will to live.

Abby is frozen to the spot. She is absolutely baffled. Yet at the same time, there is a strange tug at her heart strings.

Ellie tries weakly to wear a smile on her tear-drenched face.

“You didn’t save my life just so I can throw it away, did you?” She says, sniffing away her tears.

Abby places her hand on Ellie’s shoulder, softly and firmly.

“No…I guess not.” The words escape her mouth quietly.

Ellie sat there on the couch, looking out into the night. Abby stood next to her, her hand on Ellie's shoulder, also gazing out the window.

The fire was dying down and the room was illuminated only by the bright blue moonlight. The snowstorm had subsided substantially. Dawn would break in a few hours and they would have to set off back into the harsh wilderness.

But for now, the two stayed that way for a while.

Chapter Text

They left early next morning, as soon as the sunlight beamed down on them from between the mountains.

Both Abby and Ellie were eager to leave the mansion behind. While the place no longer brought about a sense of overwhelming dread to either of them, they were ready to move on to somewhere new, somewhere far.

Abby wordlessly mounted her horse and extended her hand towards Ellie, just like the day before. Ellie looked at it as if she’s never seen a human hand in her life, but took it in the end. Lev observed them curiously.

They trudged through the woods, across the freshly fallen snow, choosing a path that took them further away from the route they took yesterday. Somehow the air felt much icier than during the blizzard, and the brief moments of passing under the sunlight shining through the canopy of trees came as a relief. Ellie had another source of heat though. And she unconsciously craved it, holding on to Abby a little closer than she did the previous day. The wind carried Abby’s scent and drifted it across Ellie's face. She breathes it in. She hasn’t been this physically close to another person for some time, and it was almost intoxicating.

Lev takes point on the trail and moves along at a decently fast pace. Abby keeps up without issue. Ellie can tell that they have travelled together a lot and they knew each other’s moves, habits, strengths and weaknesses like the back of their hand.

The path widens and Abby rides up alongside Lev.

“Kinda quiet, huh?” she talks to him, putting on a casual tone.

“Almost too quiet...I’ve never been in a forest like this. I don’t know why but it feels like it’s messing with my sense of direction.” Lev answers in an uncharacteristically insecure manner.

A concerned look falls on Abby’s face.

“Do you want to check the map again?” She asks.

“No, I don’t think that’s necessary. We just head down this path and we should be at the village in a couple of hours or so.”

“Okay. You got this.” Abby puts her hand on Lev’s shoulder.

He stiffens his body a bit at the touch, but nods to her. Both of them make an attempt to say something else but decides to just keep their mouth shut. Silence falls upon them again and it breeds a rather uncomfortable environment.

The tension is broken up by an unexpected voice that comes from behind the two of them.

“Wanna listen to music?”

This totally out-of-the-blue proposal that almost feels inappropriate in their current situation, is understandably met with bewilderment and confusion from Abby and Lev.

“I got a music player. Have you ever used one of those?”

She’s asking Lev.

“No, I…I’ve never even seen one.” He answers, still trying to wrap his head around the abruptness of this conversation.

“Well today’s your lucky day. This…”

Ellie rummages through her backpack for a second to extract her CD player from it.

“…is a CD player. There’s music on this disc.”

She opens it up to show the shiny disc in it. Someone at one time had written something on its surface with a black marker, which were now faded and hard to read.

“People used to be able to put their favorite music on here and make their own personal disc. Like this one. Pretty neat, huh?”

Lev’s eyes are fixated on the magical object in Ellie’s hand.

“Cold…” he utters, not realizing his misuse of the word.

“Huh?” Ellie makes a confused face.

Abby clears her throat and interrupts their conversation.

“The group he was with, the Seraphites, they banned most stuff from before the outbreak.”

She glances at Lev and continues.

“Except things that helped them fight…like weapons.”

Ellie is struck with a sudden pang of sadness and sympathy for the boy. This small piece of information revealed a lot about the kind of life he had lead among the Seraphites. It was obvious that he had been brought up with the sole purpose of serving the interest of his group. He was denied his individuality. He wasn’t allowed to express himself through drawing or singing or writing. Ellie couldn’t think of a bigger tragedy than that.

“Here, try it.” She shoves the earbuds onto Lev.

“Put those in your ears.”

Lev looks to Abby, as if to ask for permission. Abby just shrugs.

He follows Ellie’s instructions. As he cautiously inserts the soft tips into his ears, he reacts with a mild apprehension (that almost bordered on disgust) on his face.

And then Ellie hits play.

The effect is immediate. The sudden attack on his eardrums makes Lev jolt up in surprise.

Both Ellie and Abby stifle a laugh.

Ellie realizes she hasn’t shared these tunes with anyone so far and so it was the first time seeing someone react to it. It was refreshing to see her music collection entertaining and possibly inspiring this young boy. Otherwise it would only be used as a tool to distract herself from reality. This usage gave new meaning to it, and she liked it.

They hear the faint sound of music leaking out of the earbuds plugged in to Lev’s ears. He seems to be completely absorbed by the tune he’s hearing.

“What’s he listening to?” Abby asks Ellie.

Ellie looks down at the small display window on the player.

“Uh, it’s…track number 7, ‘Don’t Fear the Reaper.’”

Abby and Ellie exchange a weird look.

The three of them rode down the path, listening to music and talking, as if they had left behind their worries at the mansion. But in reality, it was always brewing in the background, constantly nagging them in the corner of their mind.

The flames were completely out in the fireplace at the mansion and the room was now back to its lifeless, frigid state as before. There were no apparent indications of anyone living or staying there in the recent past. However, there were a few dying embers flickering in the ashes.

A figure pokes at the ashes, and takes note of the little red specks of fire flying up in the air.

“Maria’s right, they were here.” Tom says as he puts the metal poker back to where it was, to the side of the fireplace.

“You sound pretty sure about that.” Max comments from across the room, while checking the view out of the window, standing where Abby had stood the night before.

“Who else could’ve holed up all the way out here last night?”

“I dunno…hunters?”

Tom ignores his reply and walks over to the table in the middle of the room, spreading a map on its surface.

“She said they’ll most likely stop by here and then use this path to get to this village.” He points to a location on the map. It looks far.

“Jesus, what a pain in the ass. This was supposed to be an easy mission. I didn’t sign up for this shit. Can you believe this Julia?” Max complains loudly.

She answers from the foot of the staircase leading up to the upper floor.

“Well, anything could happen on these missions. We need to be ready for unforeseen circumstances. And if the community wants our help, we'll help them. Isn’t that what we do?”

“Wow, you could literally be the poster child for the Fireflies.”

“Fuck you, Max.”

Max shrugs and continues.

“So Maria’s short on staff, I get it. She could’ve at least given us some info to work with, don’t ya think? Like why the hell did one of her people run away from her place like it’s the end of the world.”

“End of the world? Whatever gave you that idea?” Julia chuckles.

He rolls his eyes at her. Then he thinks for a bit and adds on.

“But I guess if we ask that, she’ll just hit us right back with: why the hell did two of ours run off with her.”

Tom faces Max from where he is standing.

“We’ll make sure Abby herself gives Maria a satisfying answer. So if you don’t mind, let’s wrap up here and get going.”

Max throws up his hands and then gestures towards the entrance.

“You’re the boss.”

Tom moves swiftly across the room despite his size and leaves the mansion.

Max looks at Julia and nods his head towards the door.

“Alright, let’s go find them then.”

Ellie hid behind the bushes, desperately trying to hold her breath but failing, her uncontrollably thumping heart threatening to jump out of her chest. She huddled with her back against the tall grass, covering her ears and rocking back and forth. She could hear the screams and shouts from behind her. Every time she did, her whole body shook and a small high-pitched cry escaped her mouth.

“Abby! Behind you!” Lev shouts as he shoots an arrow straight through the body of a runner that was coming at him. The runner drops its arms but keeps moving forward with momentum and Lev barely dodges it by stepping to the side.

Abby hears his warning but she is preoccupied grappling with a large male runner, and cannot divert her attention. She grunts as she pushes it back a few steps with both of her arms and then kicks its abdomen, making it stumble. She swings around just in time to confront a stalker that had snuck right up to her. Abby quick-draws her handgun, ready to shoot it, when Lev steps in-between them, shielding Abby from the infected. He stabs its chest with his dagger, making it stop in its tracks.

“Lev, move!” Abby yells at Lev and shoves him aside.

She fires three bullets in rapid succession into the paralyzed stalker’s body. She steps back to avoid contact with the falling corpse. But she does not realize that the runner she had kicked was already back on its feet and right behind her. It grabs her jacket and pulls.

Abby leans back and almost loses her balance, but with her quick wit, she unzips the jacket, letting the infected take it with him to the ground. It thrashes at the clothing covering its face, shredding it to pieces. She turns around and ends the struggling runner with two bullets to its head.

Both Abby and Lev stand there, shoulders heaving. They are about to put their weapons away when Abby notices a figure standing at the edge of the clearing, covered underneath the shadow of the trees. It’s a lone clicker. She quietly brings her gun up to aim at it.

Abby starts to squeeze the trigger, but her shot is interrupted by a low growl that rumbles throughout the area. The air vibrates with the sound. The wind brings in a thick, pungent odor into the clearing. She thinks it smells like a mixture of old cigarettes and rotting meat. She almost gags.

There’s sudden movement in the corner of her eye. She quickly turns towards it, but all she sees are the dark shadows casted by the dense collection of trees. An oddly familiar sense of anxiety rise up in her that she swears she’s felt very recently.

“Lev, come here.”

She calls for him and he sprints over. They’re now standing back-to-back in the middle of the clearing. Lev also seems to have sensed something unfamiliar, something dangerous lurking in the woods. They nervously scan all around them, fists clenched tightly around their weapons. Abby momentarily forgets to keep her eyes on the clicker and she snaps her gaze back to where it was. For a moment, she thinks she’s looking at the wrong spot.

It’s gone.

Did it run away? No.

At that moment she figures out the reason for the familiarity of her anxiety. It was here. The same entity that had stalked them when they were heading to the mansion.

It took the clicker.

Abby shuddered at the thought. The icy wind licked her bare arms and made her shiver. What can take out a clicker so quickly without making a sound? How can it avoid both of their detection so easily? What does it even want with a clicker? A dreadful sensation slowly started to creep into her stomach. Is this really going to work? Can they get through these woods safely? Can she protect them?

Her thoughts are abruptly broken up by Lev’s voice.

“Ellie, are you okay?”

He’s moved to the edge of the clearing, crouched down behind some bushes, caring for what is presumably a hiding Ellie.

Abby realizes there was no more stench in the air. She relaxes her shoulders and takes a deep breath.

We're clear.

She walks over to join them. As she gets closer, she sees Ellie sitting on the ground, next to Lev.

“Sorry, I don’t know what…I just…” Ellie babbles in a panicked state. She is on the verge of tears.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. We took care of it.” Lev uses his kindest voice to calm her down.

Ellie looks up and realizes that Abby is with them now. She studies her face, trying to read her expression like she always does.

It is very difficult to read. She can’t glean any obvious emotion from Abby’s expressionless face other than perhaps concern from the ever so slightly furrowed brows. Abby just stands there like a rock, not saying anything.

Ellie is almost crushed under the tremendous weight of all the guilt she feels right now.

She needs to do something. Isn’t there anything she can do-

She notices that the now jacket-less Abby had a gash on her right forearm.

“Here, I can patch that up for you.”

She digs into her backpack to look for a roll of bandage that she had packed back at her garage home. As she does so, her hand brushes up against a soft, shapeless object.

It’s always a good idea to carry around an extra layer in the winter-time.

Her stupid little PSA repeats itself in her head.

Ellie stops and gives some thought to the idea that just popped into her head. It made her hesitate but it seemed like the right thing to do.

She finds the bandage and pulls it out of the backpack, along with a jacket.

She walks over to Abby and takes her arm. Abby jolts for a second from the touch, but she doesn’t resist. Ellie puts the jacket down on the ground, then quickly wraps the bandage around Abby’s wound and ties it off. While she does so, Abby is reminded of the time she had bandaged Ellie’s wound on the boat at that wretched beach.

“There.” Ellie finishes.

She picks up the jacket and brushes the snow off of it. She looks at it for a few seconds.

“Here, take it.”

Abby stares at Ellie’s face and then at the jacket offered to her. She had not expected this at all and she has no time to think of a measured response. Instead she just blurts out the first thing that came to mind.

“Isn’t that important to you?”

Ellie cocks her head to the side and gives her a weird look.

“Why’d you think that?”

Abby realizes she has revealed too much. Now she has to explain herself.

“I…saw it in your backpack. In Santa Barbara.” When you were unconscious.

A look of displeasure momentarily flashes across Ellie’s face, but it soon fades and she gives Abby a stern look. However it comes off somewhat phony, as if she is trying hard to look as serious as possible.

“You can’t walk around in this cold without a jacket, Abby. You’ll freeze.”

Abby wasn't sure what to do. This was not the type of situation that she handled very well. She had a hunch where that jacket came from and what it meant to Ellie. If she was correct, then Ellie offering it to Abby was an act that had quite a lot of significance. It was difficult to determine how she should react to it. She turns her face to Lev who is standing a few steps behind Ellie. He nods as if to encourage her.

She cautiously extends her hand and takes the jacket. The leather is old and worn. She feels its surface under her skin. It is soft to the touch but has a rough texture. As Ellie releases it, Abby can feel its heft.

“Thanks.”

Ellie stands there with her arms crossed, waiting for Abby to put it on.

Feeling self-conscious all of a sudden, Abby hesitantly slides her arms through the sleeves, wincing a little at the bandaged but still stinging wound. Almost immediately, warmth envelopes her. It feels snug.

Ellie stares at Abby, wide-eyed. The jacket fit her like a glove. It was oversized for Ellie’s lean body and whenever she put it on, it looked like a child wearing adult’s clothes. Which, come to think of it, wasn’t too far from the truth, she ponders.

She had started off her journey to Santa Barbara wearing the jacket, but she eventually shoved it into her backpack, and she hadn't worn it since. All this time she had been carrying it around like a security blanket rather than a practical piece of clothing and she didn't really know what to do with it anymore. But now she had finally found its purpose. Abby has breathed new life into it.

You’re not going to believe this Joel…

Feeling dazed, Ellie absentmindedly picks up her backpack and shoulders it. It is noticeably lighter than before.

“How’d I look?” Abby asks half-jokingly, trying to sound nonchalant but coming off as nervous and awkward.

Ellie is brought back from her thoughts. She takes a moment to absorb the surreal scene in front of her.

“Yeah, it’s you. It’s definitely you.”

They arrive at the abandoned village by nightfall and decide to camp in one of the dilapidated houses. Lev sets up a fireplace in front of the house.

Abby checks their food supplies in the house while Ellie and Lev sit by the fireside, warming their hands.

Inside, a handful of tin cans, dried food and other items are laid out on the table in what used to be the living room. Moonlight shines through the broken windows, illuminating the table in a dim blue light.

“Slim pickins.” Abby says to herself with a sigh as she looks at the selections.

The original plan with the Fireflies team was to restock their supplies in Jackson, so this unexpected escapade was definitely not accounted for in terms of food supply preparation. They’d probably have to hunt for game but she wasn’t sure how fruitful they would be at doing that.

She picks out two cans, a few pieces of deer jerky and a couple of energy bars. She heads out to where the other two await eagerly for dinner.

“What’s on the menu, chef?” Ellie asks, not entirely enthused about what’s in store.

“Got you two a can of chicken soup each. And you can share this energy bar.” She tells them as she hands over the goods.

“Better than I thought.” Ellie says, rubbing her hands together.

“Abby, you need to eat too. That’s not enough.” Lev points to the strips of jerky and a single energy bar in Abby’s hand. His mouth is downturned into a frown.

“I’ll live.” Abby replies calmly.

Ellie looks down at her portion of the rationed food, then at the portion in Abby’s hands.

“Have some of mine after I finish. I don’t eat much. If you don’t mind having leftovers, that is.” Ellie offers.

Abby just shrugs and sits next to Lev, placing the fire between her and Ellie. As if her sitting down was the sign to start eating, they all begin chomping down on their meals.

After taking a bite or two, perhaps in order to prolong the inevitably short mealtime, Lev throws a question at Ellie.

“So, if you had the choice of eating anything for the last meal of your life, what would it be, Ellie?”

Ellie makes a face. “Woah, that’s a bit heavy.”

But she actually considers this hypothetical scenario and tries to come up with an answer.

“Well, let’s see…”

She’s thinking more along the lines of what she wants to eat right at this moment, and that thought escapes her mouth.

“Man, I could really go for some pasta…”

But then the thought of food makes her recall her tranquil days at the farm. The days when someone caringly put in a lot of love and effort preparing her favorite food, to make her happy. Ellie has started to realize that she is progressively remembering these things solely as "facts" and not as living, breathing memories. She can no longer accurately remember what it felt like to live like that. To have someone care about her like that. That feeling was fading. Sometimes, she had to try really hard to remember, like trying to piece together memories from a previous life she had forgotten about.

“…or some freshly baked bagels would be nice.” Ellie says flatly, her face expressionless and her eyes blankly staring into the fire.

Abby notices the change in Ellie’s mood and looks at her, but Lev is too enthralled by his encounter with an unfamiliar term and lets his curiosity steer the direction of the conversation.

“Bagels?” Lev asks, his eyes twinkling with excitement.

Abby shifts her attention to Lev and starts explaining before Ellie can even open her mouth.

“It’s a type of bread that’s ring-shaped. You can have it with other food like cheese, salmon, peanut butter…”

Her stomach growls from talking about it. She stops and holds her stomach with a little laugh.

But that short description was enough to stir up interest in Lev.

“I can’t even imagine what that tastes like. Wonder if I’ll ever be able to try it.” Lev thinks out loud, fascinated by this newfound knowledge.

“I’ll make some for you.” Abby tells him with a gentle smile that could be taken both as a genuinely caring gesture and as a sign of an empty promise.

Lev giggles and gives Abby a playful look.

“Uh, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, Abby. I mean, remember that one time you almost burned the boat down? So many things can go wrong. You might cut yourself, burn yourself, maybe I’ll get sick eating it…”

“What the hell, Lev? When did I teach you to be so disrespectful?”

“I think you taught me how to survive, not be respectful. And you said I’m ‘punk rock’ for disobeying my people right?”

“God, why do you always have to be so right about everything. You just can’t let me have it, can you.”

“You’re right when it matters, Abby.”

Ellie observes them from across the fire. She realizes she hasn’t witnessed something like this in a long while. It was the kind of trivial, careless conversation that was becoming rarer and rarer in this world. It was annoyingly charming. It was precious. It was wholesome.

As Ellie looks at them, the sound of their banter fades into the distance and she starts to imagine a different scene. She sees an older version of herself sitting next to an adolescent boy with the same jet black hair as Lev’s. They are talking and laughing. There’s warmth to their conversation. She can hear herself talk to the boy.

“… and I ate the entire plate! Seriously, your mom is the best cook. I’m gonna give her some sweet lovin’ when she gets home-”

“God! Spare me the details, mom. I get that you guys are still into each other. That’s very cute.”

“You’ll understand one of these days, kiddo.”

“I’m not a baby you know.”

“You’ll always be our little boy, JJ.”

And they laugh.

A memory of a moment that could have been. A moment that will never happen.

A drop of tear falls on Ellie’s lap.

“Ellie?”

For a second she thinks she’s still imagining JJ’s voice, but it is actually Lev’s.

She looks up. Her vision is blurry and she only sees a blob of orange where the fire is, and the silhouette of two people. She wipes the tears away from her eyes.

Both Abby and Lev are looking at her with so much worry on their faces that it almost looks comical.

“It’s nothing.” She manages to say with a squeaky voice.

After that, they fall into a somewhat less jovial but still relaxing conversation. There’s even some laughter in-between the talking. It almost feels normal.

Maybe I belong here.

Ellie thinks to herself as she focuses her attention on the people in front of her.

They sit around the fire and talk for a while, well after they finish their meals.

Chapter Text

The farm house looms ahead of Ellie as she walks across the field with trepidation.

No matter how many times she's visited the place in her dreams, it always brought about a feeling of unease, not knowing what exactly awaited her.

She walks up to the front door and opens it.

The house is empty. There are only empty shelves and a dusty, bare wooden floor.

As she steps into the house, making the floorboards creak beneath her, she hears voices floating across the room, coming from outside. They’re from the garden.

She can make out that the voices belong to Dina and JJ. They’re laughing. Ellie cannot tell what Dina is saying but she sounds happy and peaceful, despite the barren house.

Ellie rushes over to the backdoor, swings it open and bursts out into the garden, expecting to see her beloved family once again.

But they aren’t there. The laughter had suddenly disappeared like a phantom.

Ellie stands there, trying to wrap her head around what just happened.

She feels something soft under her right foot.

Her gaze falls down to her feet and she realizes she had trampled over some flowers and a small mound of dirt.

JJ’s grave.

Ellie quickly steps off.

As she does so, a part of the mound collapses and exposes something underneath.

It’s a side of JJ’s face.

Ellie gasps and holds her mouth in horror.

His eyelid is open and his lifeless eye, like a little black marble, stares up into the sky.

The dirt shifts some more and JJ moves along with it, making his face point directly at Ellie.

Their eyes meet.

She runs.

Ellie wakes to the sound of arguing coming from outside the house.

She lifts her head from the dusty couch she was sleeping on and looks around the living room, slowly processing with her sleepy head that Abby and Lev are up and awake. She can hear bits and pieces of their heated exchange.

“No!…dangerous to…we can’t…”

“…faster…supplies won’t last…”

“…risk! No way…”

Ellie gets up sluggishly. She doesn’t remember the entirety of her dream from last night, but the parts that scared her the most are seared into her brain. She sits at the edge of the sofa for a few minutes, then walks over to the entrance, shielding her face from the bright sunlight shining off the snow and coming in to the house through the open door. She steps out.

The morning air is crisp and frosty. A hawk flies above in the clear blue sky, against the majestic backdrop of the snow-capped mountain range. The sound of Abby and Lev’s argument seem to travel far across the landscape.

Their debate is taking place by last night’s fireplace. Ellie moves up closer to them, but they don’t seem to notice her presence.

“How many times do I have to tell you! We can’t afford to take the risk!” Abby says emotionally, face all red. She is more desperate than angry.

Ellie has seen Abby angry before. This was clearly different. There wasn’t an ounce of hate in Abby’s eyes. Regardless, her dramatic shouting and gesturing did stir up some emotions in Ellie.

As she stands and listens, Ellie grows more and more uncomfortable.

“…uh, guys?”

They just keep arguing.

“You know we won’t last if we move at this pace, Abby! We need to get out of these mountains fast.” Lev argues with a little more composure than Abby. But he too, is showing signs of frustration.

“We’ll manage! We can-”

It'll likely go on for the entire morning if someone doesn't stop them.

“Hey!” Ellie shouts.

Abby and Lev finally register her and look at her.

With both of their attentions abruptly turned towards her, Ellie is momentarily at a loss for words, but then she suddenly blurts out.

“What do lobsters drink in the morning?”

Her two spectators both scowl in a similar fashion. A million question marks appear above their heads.

And then Ellie drops the bomb.

“Claw-fee.”

An excruciatingly long silence follows, while the three of them stand there, not moving a single muscle.

Lev breaks the tension by turning his back and trotting off towards the house, disappearing inside.

Abby walks over to a log by the remains of yesterday’s fire, shoulders slumped, defeated and tired. She plops down. She buries her head in her hands and lets out a sigh.

“Great work.” She says to Ellie, without looking up.

Ellie sits beside her. She looks at the ashes on the ground, where the fire was burning bright last night.

After a few moments of sitting together in silence, Ellie opens her mouth.

“Why are you doing this?”

Abby does not lift her head up.

“What do you mean?”

“Why are you helping me?”

Abby finally raises her head from her palms and lets out a second sigh. She gazes at the sky above. The hawk is circling over their heads. She watches it until it flies out of her field of vision and then she brings her eyes down to the ground, to the pile of ashes.

Finally, she speaks.

“…It’s been a while since I’ve seen him laugh like he did last night.”

Abby thinks back on her days at Catalina Island. Hiding away from people, hastily shoving unmemorable food items into her mouth in silence, walking past homes at night while hearing the laughter and feeling the warmth spilling out of them. She swears she saw a flicker of that warm glow in the fire last night, while they surrounded it and ate and talked together.

“He likes you.”

Abby says, as she turns her head to Ellie and gives her an achingly melancholic look that makes Ellie forget to breathe for a second.

“Will you go talk to him? Please.”

She asks softly.

Ellie stares at Abby for a few seconds, then nods slowly. She gets up and starts to make her way towards the house. Abby watches Ellie as she stands up but returns her gaze to the ashes as soon as she starts walking.

As she enters the house, Ellie finds him standing by the dining table, concentrated on going through Abby’s backpack, trying to find something. She walks up behind him right as he extracts a map out of the bag. He feels her presence and turns around, seemingly embarrassed to see her.

“Caught you red-handed.” Ellie says to him.

Lev looks down at his hands, confused.

Ellie stifles a laugh and joins him at the table.

“How you feelin’?” She asks him.

“I’m okay.” He answers, trying to sound unaffected.

“I guess she’s pretty worked up, huh?”

“Yes…” Lev looks down, his voice obviously clouded with conflicted emotions.

“It’s okay. She’s just worried, that’s all. That’s what she does. You can’t do anything about that.”

“Unless I stop doing things that’ll make her worry.”

By now, Abby had come up to the doorway, but she doesn’t make her presence be known, opting to stand outside next to the entrance and listen in on the conversation.

“You want my advice? Don’t try to be someone you’re not. She appreciates you for who you are.”

“You can tell that?” Lev lifts his head up, giving Ellie a surprised and hopeful look.

“Sure. The way she talks to you…it’s pretty obvious.” Ellie answers with confidence.

She keeps talking while Lev absorbs her words.

“I know you’re trying hard to impress her, make her proud, but you can do that without putting yourself in danger. There is such a thing as trying too hard, you know.”

Lev considers what Ellie had just said.

“Maybe you’re right.” He says with a nod.

Abby closes her eyes and relaxes her shoulders. She is glad she asked Ellie to talk to Lev. But what was surprising was how much Ellie seemed to have studied her. She knew Ellie was the perceptive kind, but listening to how Ellie talked about her made her realize that Ellie may actually have a better understanding of who she was than herself. Ellie told Lev exactly what Abby wanted to tell him. This meant she understood both Abby and Lev on a deep level. And what was even more shocking -and somewhat flattering- was that the way she described Abby suggested that Ellie thought she was not a bad person. She might even have a positive view on Abby. This filled her with a strange concoction of relief and exhilaration.

Inside the house, Lev's expression softens as he remembers something.

“…that joke you said. It’s not as bad as Abby’s jokes, but…it was pretty bad.”

“Hey, puns are always funny. No matter how bad they are.”

“Thank you.”

Ellie scrunches her face in confusion at this unexpected response.

“For talking with me. For caring about Abby.”

Ellie wasn’t sure if that gratitude was warranted, but she appreciated that Lev saw her companionship in a positive light. She felt like it gave meaning to her existence.

“You’re a good kid.”

You would’ve gotten along with JJ.

She almost reaches out to pat his head, but holds back her urge.

Lev smiles shyly and faces the table again. He looks at the folded map for a few seconds, but decides not to open it and places it back into Abby’s backpack. He grabs his own bag, along with his oversized bow.

“It’s a little big for you, isn’t it?” Ellie comments while looking at his weapon. It’s been on her mind this whole time. It seemed to hold great significance to him, beyond the fact that it was his primary mode of self-defense. She had not seen him let go of it.

“I’ll grow into it.” Lev answers matter-of-factly.

Outside the house by the doorway, Abby cannot suppress a smile taking over her face.

“You’re a weird kid.” Ellie says in an amused tone and a wry grin.

Abby comes inside the house, talking as she does so, making it seem as if she just walked into their conversation right at that moment.

“I gave him that, actually.”

Ellie and Lev snap their heads towards her. Ellie gives her a smirk while Lev looks away.

“Well, what do ya know. I have some hand-me-down weapons too.”

Ellie takes her switchblade out of her pocket and places it on the table.

“This one’s from my mom.”

She then reaches for her revolver.

“And this…”

She unholsters it halfway and stops.

Abby and Lev almost peek into her face as it looks as if she had suddenly stopped functioning altogether. Ellie's hand trembles slightly while it holds the gun.

“…never mind.”

She puts it back in its place.

“We better get going.” Ellie says, quickly grabbing the switchblade off the table.

As Ellie walks off to get her backpack, she thinks of a world in which young children were gifted dumb little things like toys and games instead of weapons for survival. It was unfathomable. Years ago, she had secretly snatched a toy robot off the shelf of a rundown toy store for a young boy, feeling pity for how he was denied his childhood. He never got to enjoy it though. He died the next day at the hands of his brother.

What a shitty world.

At that moment, Ellie is determined that she would find all the dumb things that Lev wants and give them to him. She’ll even find all the dumb things that Abby wants too. There’s a strange tightening in her chest and she feels restless. It’s been a while since she’s been motivated by anything.

She grips her mother’s switchblade tightly in her hand.

They decide to take the route that Abby charted for them.

It took them deeper into the woods but it saved them from having to traverse across the perilously narrow mountainside pathway along the cliffs, which was the route Lev had proposed.

As they made their way through the dense forest on horseback, their conversations gradually became intermittent until they eventually fell completely silent. Fatigue was setting in, and it showed on their faces.

Abby checks Lev. He seemed fine on the surface but she knew that he was getting tired too and his focus was waning. They could all use a break.

“Alright, let’s take a breather.” Abby tells the group. She dismounts her horse and ties it to a nearby tree. Ellie gets off as well and she decides to use this opportunity to take her mind off of the creepy vibes she was getting from the woods by listening to some tunes. It was dusk and the dwindling twilight pouring in through the canopy painted the trees red and casted weird shadows everywhere.

Lev starts to dismount when his horse decides to take a few steps forward, making him lose his balance. He falls on to the snow-covered ground.

Ellie almost laughs and tells Lev “nice landing,” when she sees the shadows among the trees behind him move. She freezes.

A runner emerges out of the woods and makes a dash straight towards Lev who’s still on the ground.

“Watch out!” Ellie yells.

Abby reacts instantaneously, her handgun out and sprinting to where Lev was.

Before Abby can get to him, Lev stands up and shoots an arrow into the approaching runner. It slows, but doesn’t go down.

Ellie notices the bushes near Lev moving. A clicker slowly appears from the shadows, letting its distinctly unnerving sound echo across the area. Then she hears multiple shrieks erupt from several directions. It is followed by more rustling sounds.

The entire forest was moving around them.

Abby finally gets a clear line of fire and buries two bullets into the skull of the runner going for Lev. She swiftly turns around to face the clicker coming her way, which clicked loudly as it approached. Lev places his back against Abby’s and aims his arrow at another runner crashing through the trees.

Ellie falls on her backside. Her heart is squeezing so tight while racing so fast, she thought it’ll explode. Her body is trembling all over. She crawls on all fours over to a nearby tree and takes cover behind it, sitting up with her legs against her chest, her hands covering her ears. She can still hear the piercing screams of the infected, the gunshots, and the shouting from Abby and Lev. They’re all flooding into her head, slipping past her fingers. She remembers the CD player and brings it up with trembling hands, fumbling with it. She gets the earbuds in and desperately presses play. She shuts her eyes as tightly as she could.

A wall of sound hits her eardrums and she is blissfully transported to another reality.

As the psychedelic guitars warp and shape the soundscape, the singer comes in and adds a layer on top with something like an ethereal chant. Even though the precise words are indistinguishable, Ellie knows the lyrics by heart.

Sleep like a pillow, no one there…

Where she won't care, anywhere…

Soft as a pillow, touch her there…

Where she won't dare, somewhere…

Meanwhile, Abby was quickly getting overwhelmed by wave after wave of relentless attacks that came from every conceivable direction. The darkness beyond the trees seemed to be birthing the infected endlessly. She is conserving her ammo and started using her bare hands to choke and smash the incoming enemies. It wasn’t easy. She couldn’t move quite like she used to anymore.

Lev was struggling as well. He was running out of arrows and switched to his dagger, mostly to deflect attacks rather than kill his opponents.

A runner charges at Abby’s back while she is choking another one with her arm. Lev notices and runs up, tackling the infected, making it stumble. Abby finishes off the runner in her grasp and turns to the other one. She takes its head and smashes it to the ground, stomping it for good measure. Right as she looks up, she sees a clicker running up behind Lev. Before she can warn him, it hits Lev, sending him tumbling to the ground. As he made contact with the ground, his left leg hit the side of a jagged rock sticking out of a thin layer of snow and it creates a big gash. He screams and holds his leg.

“Lev!”

Abby shrieks and starts to move towards him but she is assaulted from the side by a runner and she goes down. It falls on top of her. She holds it off with one hand on its neck, while straining to reach out to Lev with her other hand. She lets out a furious grunt through her gritted teeth, her eyes wild, trying desperately to reach him with her outstretched arm. The infected thrashes at her, but her attention is on the boy on the ground. He is so close, but not close enough. She can’t reach him. She can’t save him.

A short distance from the horrific scene of utter despair, Ellie had shut out everything around her and was unable to move from her spot. There she was again, curled up into a ball just like how she did back in her garage room, rocking back and forth, squeezing her eyes shut, crying, mumbling gibberish. As long as she can’t see or hear anything, she couldn’t be hurt.

But the music doesn’t last forever and it mercilessly fades into quiet as it moves on to the next track. Just as it does so, a scream pierces through the woods and through her earbuds.

“ELLIE!!! HELP!!!!”

Joel is in the room screaming. The door is open. She can save him.

Ellie opens her eyes wide.

Everything happens rapidly from there.

Before she can even think about it, Ellie’s boot is kicking the root of the tree she was hiding behind and she’s already out in the clearing. She’s fast.

She lets out an astonishingly ferocious battle cry that rips across the area while she charges straight towards the nearest infected, alerting all the others within earshot. The runner on top of Abby gets up and rushes towards her. The clicker attacking Lev switches its attention to Ellie as well.

Her CD player is left behind, playing the next track through the earbuds into empty air. A primal drumbeat rolls on as the song plays.

…got a curse I cannot lift, shines when the sunset shifts

…when the moon is round and full, gotta bust that box, gotta gut that fish!

Ellie flips out her switchblade and with one swift motion, swipes the throat of the first infected she encounters, leaving it crumbling to the ground while gurgling in its own blood, all while barely slowing her forward momentum.

…before the transformation takes and blood lust tanks and crave gets slaked!

She leaps over to the next one and locks its neck under her left arm while extending her other arm out forward, taking three shots straight into the heads of three infected with her revolver, leaving a cloud of pink mist in the air. Fragments of their brain tissue and fungal infection splatter across the snow. She then slices the captive one’s neck with the knife in her left hand. It screams in agony in a human voice.

…my mind has changed, my body's frame, but God I like it

…my heart's aflame, my body's strained, but God I like it

In a matter of seconds she is taking on another three, jump kicking one to the ground and dodging an attack from another one, finishing both of them with a headshot, and then burying her blade into the face of the third one approaching her. Blood sprays out of its face like a fountain and covers Ellie with it.

…when the moon is round and full, gonna teach you tricks that'll blow your mongrel mind!

Now free, Abby crawls over to Lev and holds him in her arms. He is in pain but still conscious. Abby looks up at Ellie. She is a whirlwind of violence, flying around the woods dispatching one infected after another. At that moment, Abby saw a killer -a fierce and efficient one, perhaps even unhinged- and it brought forth an indescribably immense pain to her chest that threatened to rip her apart.

…feel me completer, down to my core…open my heart and let it bleed onto yours

…feeding on fever, down on all fours…show you what all the howling is for

Ellie takes out another four in a flash of brutality and it seems as if all of the infected are taken care of. There are no visible movements. She stands in the middle of the clearing, scanning her surroundings, drenched in blood.

After a few seconds, she spots in the corner of her eye, one remaining clicker with its leg broken, still trying to crawl its way to Abby and Lev. Ellie walks over to it slowly and steps on its body. It screams and thrashes, trying to get her off. She gets on her knees, mounting the clicking and croaking monster.

…there's a curse comes with a kiss, the bite that binds the gift that gives

She takes her switchblade, raises it high in the air, and brings it down on the neck of the clicker, penetrating its clicking throat. She does it again. And again. Globs of blood fly and splatter on the ground and on Ellie, painting everything in a sickening dark crimson color. She keeps stabbing, even after the clicker had stopped moving and was already a corpse.

Abby stands up and hobbles over to the figure on the ground who kept slashing away at the dead infected.

“Ellie!”

She doesn’t stop.

Abby drops down on the ground behind Ellie and grabs her wrist.

“Ellie! It’s over! It’s okay. We’re okay.”

Shoulders heaving, Ellie stares at the mutilated corpse in front of her with bulging eyes. She takes huge gulps of air through her mouth and nose. Her mind was a mess. There wasn’t a single coherent thought in her head.

Right as she is about to shake off Abby's hand, her senses pick up something familiar. The smell of old leather. She cautiously takes the hand holding her wrist and inspects it. Then she slowly wraps it around her. Warmth envelopes her. The soft texture of the jacket sleeve makes her weep.

For a split moment, she’s fourteen again, back in the burning cabin, hacking away at the man who had tried to violate her. A pair of hands salvaged her from the violence and comforted her.

“Joel…” she whispers under her breath.

Ellie turns around and buries her face into Abby’s chest, crying. Her tears leave dark stains in the jacket. She realizes that the jacket’s scent have been fused with Abby’s own, which she has come to recognize -and grow fond of- over the past few days. She takes in as much of Abby’s scent. It brought her home.

Abby has her arms around Ellie, unsure how gently or tightly she should hold her, as she is thin as a stick despite all of her fierceness. She reassures Ellie by repeatedly telling her “it’s okay” while stroking her hair. At the same time, she doesn’t forget to look back at Lev, keeping an eye on him. He’s breathing shallow.

After the muffled sobs and groans die down, Abby slowly releases Ellie, making sure that she had stopped crying. She holds Ellie’s shoulders and looks her in the eyes.

“Abby, I…” Ellie starts, but her quivering voice falters quickly and she is unable to say another word.

“Hey, you did good.” Abby reassures her, gripping her shoulders tightly.

Ellie nods to her. All she can see is Abby right now.

Abby brushes away the clump of messed up hair covering Ellie’s forehead. Then she uses both of her hands to carefully hold Ellie’s face.

“I need to go check on Lev, okay?”

Ellie gives another nod, this time with more emphasis.

“Okay.” Abby says softly and stands up with some effort. She lingers her gaze on Ellie for a second, but eventually turns around and heads toward Lev.

Ellie gets up as well and starts walking after her.

She realizes that she had been clutching her knife this whole time. She looks at the blade. It’s covered in blood. So were her hands. Ellie looks around. There are dead infected bodies everywhere. Some mutilated beyond recognition. The snow in the area had become a muddy sludge of dirt and blood and guts. As she surveyed her surroundings, her mind progressively took in the scene of the brutal massacre in front of her.

Her gaze moves down to her clothes. It’s soaked through and the color has completely changed. The shirt underneath her jacket sticks to her skin like hot tar.

She takes a step and feels something soft and mushy under her feet.

Ellie stops.

She stares at what she had just stepped on. It’s an entire side of a runner’s face that’s been torn off. There is not much fungal infection covering it which makes it seem more human than infected. She lifts her leg and an eyeball drops out of its socket, nerves still attached. The pupil faces her way and stares back up at her.

Abby is crouching beside Lev and asking if he can walk. He grunts in agony but follows it up with a “yes.”

Ellie sees them talk but their voices sound distant and muted. There’s ringing in her ears.

Don’t look this way. Please don’t look at me.

As if he heard her inner plea, Lev turns his head towards her.

No…

She sees Tommy on the ground, looking at her with fearful eyes.

Ellie’s knife falls onto the snow with a soft thud. She takes a step back.

Abby turns around to join Lev’s gaze. For Ellie, it seems like it is unfolding over a lifetime.

She can see Abby move her mouth but she cannot hear what she is saying. The ringing sound has reached a deafening volume.

Her body is hit with a sudden rush of adrenaline, her mind screaming at her to flee at once. She feels her throat constricting and her heart galloping.

Ellie turns around. The world spins around her. She stops turning and sees the darkness in front of her, beyond the trees. It looks comforting. It seems to be calling for her. She feels two sets of eyes burning into her back.

Before she knows it, her feet are in motion, taking her further and further away from the carnage, from her fears, from Abby and Lev.

She hears Abby shout her name. It almost sounds like she is pleading her something. But Ellie does not look back.

In just a few short seconds, she disappears into the dark depths of the woods.

The music leaking from the earbuds fade away as the song comes to an end.

We're howling forever…

Chapter Text

Maria stood next to the bed in the dimly lit room. She stares at the cork board affixed to the wall. Her hand reaches over and takes one of the photos pinned to it. It’s a shot of Dina, Jesse and Ellie.

She moves her gaze across each one’s face, ending with Ellie. The uneasy smiles on their faces showed a blend of self-awareness and innocent obliviousness. They’re young. They didn’t know what awaited them in this turbulent world but they had each other and they were glad that they did.

Two of them were gone. And now, there was a possibility the third may soon follow.

Maria sighs.

There’s a knock at the door. She turns towards it.

The door opens and Tommy enters the room.

“Am I intrudin’?”

“No.”

He closes the door behind him, limps over slowly to the couch and sits down with some effort. There’s a pile of comic books on the table and he picks one up.

“Thought you might be here.” He says, keeping his gaze on the cover of the comic in his hand. He doesn’t understand what he is looking at.

Maria puts the photo down on the bed and walks over to the window, looking out into the scenery that Ellie must have woken up to every morning. The snow on the ground shimmered under the sunlight.

“I shouldn’t have sent those people after her.” She says while keeping her gaze outwards.

She had no idea what the Fireflies would do to Ellie if they found out who she was. It was something that had been gnawing at her in the back of her mind ever since Ellie returned, but she never thought the Fireflies would ever have any direct contact with Ellie. At least, not while she was in charge of the community.

Tommy puts the comic down and looks at her.

“You had no other choice. We ain’t got people to spare for a manhunt. I wish I could’ve gone myself, if I could.”

Maria doesn’t say anything.

“You made a tough call. You’re doin’ your job right.”

She turns around and faces Tommy.

“If I was doin’ my job right, she probably wouldn’t have run in the first place.”

Maria could feel her chest tighten as she thinks of the girl who had arrived in her community as a lively, humorous child and the woman that left as a haunted, empty shell of her former self.

I was trying to keep you safe Ellie…

Tommy stares at her, speechless. Maria seldom expressed herself in an overt or exaggerated manner, so he had learned to pick up subtle cues. What he saw right now saddened him.

He used to be able to comfort her. Say the right things, make her laugh. Whatever chemistry they had before, it was long gone. Tommy wasn’t one who usually dwelled on what could have been, but he couldn’t help but think what kind of life he and Maria would have had if they continued to be together.

“It ain’t you, Maria. She saw me and ran.” He says to her, looking down at his feet.

His brother had tried so goddamn hard to keep Ellie safe from all the harm in the world, and this is what it has all come to. Joel is in the grave and Ellie is a broken woman.

Where did it all go wrong?

“Whatever the reason, she’s out there now.” Maria says calmly as she turns to face the window again.

“She’ll find a way.” Says Tommy, sounding sure of his words.

Maria looks off to the distant mountains beyond the community fences, almost as if she is trying to spot Ellie on the mountainside, caught in the wilderness.

She hoped that Tommy was right about her.

Ellie was lost.

She had spent the entire night running and wandering through the dark woods on her own, not knowing where she was headed. The moon was her only compass and source of light.

Her mind was hijacked by multiple voices and they talked to her non-stop. One told her to go back. To face her fears. To accept Abby and Lev in to her life. Another voice came in and told her to keep going, that there’s no turning back. Yet another kept telling her that she never should have left Jackson in the first place. Apart from the occasional hooting owl or howling wolf, the woods were unnervingly silent and it gave maximum space for her thoughts to run wild.

Even though the wintry night air tried its best to penetrate her layers and chill her from her core, her blood-soaked clothes insulated her body heat and she almost felt like she was running a fever.

By dawn, her mind and body were exhausted beyond her capacity to even think about stopping and resting. She just kept shambling forward unthinkingly, like all those infected she killed.

She spots an opening amongst the trees and heads toward it. Once she reaches it, she realizes she has come to the edge of the woods. The early sun shines directly on to her face and she winces. Raising one hand to cover her eyes, she can make out some houses up ahead. They look familiar.

Ellie drags her sore feet across the snow to one of the houses that looked particularly familiar. She stops when she comes across a pile of burnt ashes on the ground. Her body slowly crouches down and she picks up a handful of ash in her hand. It is neither warm nor cold. She lets go of it and the ashes fall to the ground like snow. Her mind flashes back to the night when smiling faces surrounded this fireplace. It wasn’t that long ago and it already felt like a distant memory.

Drops of tears fall on to the ashes, creating dark spots.

A gust of icy wind blew across the area, carrying away some of the ashes. As the cold air slapped her face, she remembers how Abby held it gently in her hands. She finds herself missing that touch. How it grounded her, how it gave her warmth and comfort.

Her head was pounding, her arms hurt, her feet ached and her heart was shattered into a thousand pieces.

She curls up on the ground in front of the ashes and lay there, crying. But her fatigue had already reached its peak long ago, and as if her mind was waiting for the opportunity to take over her body, she quickly falls into the deep abyss of unconsciousness.

For a while, there is no sound but the wind and her faint breathing.

Then, from a distance, some voices can be heard.

It is followed by footsteps approaching her.

Ellie does not wake from her sleep.

“We need to…find her…Abby…”

Sitting on a rock, Lev utters his words between clenched teeth, obviously in pain, while Abby crouches in front of him and treats the wound on his leg. She does not answer him.

“Abby…ah!”

Abby ties the bandage around his wound too tightly, out of frustration. Her hands are trembling. She sniffs away a tear and holds the bridge of her nose.

“That was too close, Lev.” She says in a low voice.

“I’m fine. It isn’t bleeding anymore. I can move. Let’s go find Elli-”

“Stop! Just…please stop! I need to think, okay?” Abby cuts him off, her voice wavering towards the end.

Abby stands up. She pretends she is assessing the situation and contemplating on their next course of action, but in reality, the same thought kept repeating in her head.

I need to keep him safe, I need to keep him safe, I need to…

Seeing that Abby wasn’t going to be able to calm herself down, Lev tries talking to her again. This time, in a much softer tone.

“Please help her. She needs you.”

Abby looks at him.

He continues. “And you need her more than you think.”

Abby mulls over his words. She remembers last night. How she held Ellie in her arms. And the way Ellie looked at her. She couldn’t get over how Ellie looked her in the eyes. Her gaze were latched onto Abby, not letting go, unblinking as if afraid to break the bond. At that moment, Ellie had completely given herself up to Abby. That display of vulnerability overwhelmed her. It made her knees weak and her head light.

Ellie had literally saved their lives, but that wasn’t even why Abby wanted to find her. She imagined Ellie hurt and alone, and she wanted nothing more than to reassure her that she’s going to be alright. That they were there to help her.

But at the same time, she looks at Lev and is reminded of how close she came to losing him, yet again. Just thinking about the moment he fell to the ground while she was pinned down and unable to help, made her gut twist.

She speaks quietly, with a slight tremble.

“…I shouldn’t have brought you into this. You should never have been a part of it.”

Lev reacts with a shocked face.

“Abby, I wanted to come. You didn’t force me to come with you.”

Abby frowns but doesn’t say anything.

Lev tries again, hoping he’ll get her to agree with him.

“You’re not responsible for everything I do.”

She looks to the side and scoffs.

“Yeah, well I guess I’m not a very responsible person, am I? Constantly putting you in danger.”

A surge of anger hits Lev. His heart beats fast. It makes him say his next words without taking a moment to think about it first. But it was something that has been on his mind for a while now and he knew he needed to get it off his chest at some point.

“You’re not her, you know.”

“What?” Abby looks at him, confused.

“You’re not Yara.”

Her expression gradually turns to one of genuine hurt, as if she has just been stabbed right through her heart.

“Why…would you say that…?”

Even with everything else that has been going on recently, this one hit especially hard. She gives Lev a bruised expression as she struggles to get her words out.

“You think I don’t tell myself that every day…? I know I can’t live up to her, but I’m trying my best…”

Lev realizes how he had made her feel and that his statement was incomplete.

“No! I mean, you don’t need to be like her.” He tries to quickly follow up what he said.

Abby stares at him, stunned.

“My sister is gone. I’ve accepted that. I’ll never have her back.”

His words weigh heavily on her heart. Abby knows how much his sister meant to him.

“What are you saying-”

“I want you to be okay with being yourself. You’re a good person, Abby. In a different way than Yara.”

Abby can feel something welling up inside of her.

“That’s what I like about you.” He says almost as a whisper, by now barely keeping his voice from shaking.

A few tense moments of silence pass between them. Lev had looked away after his confession, unsure if he wanted to see how Abby would react.

He cautiously looks up at her. Her lips are quivering.

She slowly steps closer to him. Her arms raise, and soon, he is wrapped in them. She holds him so tight that it almost hurt. He hears her quiet sobbing sounds up close, and could almost feel her heart tightening.

He returns her embrace.

While holding him, Abby reaches up with one of her hands and ruffles his hair. She can’t tell him enough that he’s a good kid.

What did I do to deserve you?

Abby doesn't know, but she is grateful that she has him.

She doesn't say anything, and she doesn't let go.

They start by heading in the direction that Ellie ran off to.

When Abby mounted her horse, she found herself missing the weight and warmth she had been feeling on her back for the past few days. As they rode through the woods, the wind somehow felt much colder than before. Abby reaches in to her jacket pocket where Ellie’s switchblade resides. She grips it tight in her fist, remembering how Ellie had wielded it against her at the beach, then against the infected last night, protecting her and Lev.

Abby had found the switchblade on the snow-covered ground, still bloody from last night’s rampage. As she picked it up and held it in her hand, she wondered what it must have felt like for Ellie’s mother to give her daughter this tool. Abby imagined her wanting to equip Ellie with everything she had so that her daughter had a chance at surviving in this merciless world.

Your girl is one hell of a survivor. Abby talks to Ellie’s mother in her head.

But that doesn’t mean she didn’t need their help. Abby felt a sense of urgency. She needed to get to Ellie fast.

Abby and Lev soon came across footsteps left in the snow. Thankfully, there was no snowfall during the night and the tracks were still visible. However, the irregular pattern showed Ellie’s unstable state of mind. It swayed from side to side, sometimes circling around in the same area, making it hard to follow. This only furthered Abby’s frustration.

Eventually, they come to a small stream. Ellie’s tracks led up to it, suggesting that she either drank the water or washed herself off. But they couldn’t locate any outgoing footsteps. Abby started to panic. Without any clues as to which way she went, they would be wandering around aimlessly in the woods, and it could go on for days. They couldn’t afford to do that.

Lev looks at Abby. She was visibly upset. He shared her sentiment to find Ellie as fast as possible, but her restlessness wasn’t helping the situation. She really had a tendency to lose her calm whenever it came to Lev or Ellie.

Right as he is about to tell her that they should stop and come up with a plan, he hears something.

Abby hears it too. She holds her hand up to Lev, signaling him to stop. She gets off her horse and moves up towards the direction the sound was coming from.

It sounded like people talking. She hides behind one of the trees on top of a small cliff and waits until the source of the voices approached closer. As they do, she realizes that the voices are familiar. She peeks from the side of the tree to the pathway down below.

Two men on horseback are moving across the path. Abby immediately recognize them as her Firefly teammates. She hadn’t forgotten that they were on their tail, but admittedly, it was shoved to the back of her mind until now.

Abby stays still. She’ll wait until they pass through and then they can resume their search. The Fireflies catching up to them made things more difficult. They needed to hurry.

But then, she notices that there is another person on the first horse, who she couldn’t see at first because they were hidden behind the bulky rider. As they come into view, Abby takes in a sharp breath.

They found her.

Her heart jumps at the sight of Ellie, but her excitement soon turns into confusion and trepidation. Is she hurt? Why is she so calm? Are they going to take her back to the community?

While these questions swirled around in her head endlessly, she could also sense something else bubbling up in her. Seeing Ellie with the Fireflies undeniably made Abby’s skin crawl and her blood boil.

As Abby returns to her horse, she quickly comes up with a plan and whispers it into Lev’s ear.

She quietly maneuvers to a position ahead of the Fireflies, while Lev goes the opposite direction and moves behind them. There, he lets out a high-pitched whistle that travelled remarkably well through the forest, gaining the attention of the riders. As soon as they stop, Lev and Abby gallop down the cliff and flank them from both sides on the pathway. Abby aims her handgun towards the first rider and Lev has his arrow pointed at the second.

“Don’t move!” Abby yells. She glares at the face of the man she has her gun trained on and recalls that his name was Tom. The bearded man on the horse behind him is someone she did not have any desire to see again.

The two men are startled but they do not panic. After a moment, Tom starts to talk.

“Abby…glad we found you. Please lower your weapon and we can talk-”

“Shut up! Hands in the air where I can see them!”

They do not react to her command at first but eventually do as they are told, reluctantly.

Abby can tell they didn’t have intentions to be hostile, but she wasn’t going to let them take control of the situation and feed her lies or mislead her. She needed to get the truth out of them.

“Where are you taking her!” Abby barks, infusing as much menace as she can in those words, not allowing them time to think.

Tom glances behind at Ellie. She doesn’t speak. Her gaze is on Abby.

“Look, we may have a misunderstanding here. She’s agreed to come with us. We told her who we are.” Tom says quickly, starting to show impatience.

Hearing this, Abby’s expression turns into one of shock, then fury. She grips her gun tightly. If what he said about Ellie willingly going with them was true, it meant they weren’t taking her back to the community. Ellie wouldn’t agree to that. They were taking her to the base. To Catalina Island.

Tom tenses as Abby intensifies her piercing scowl and her gun starts to tremble slightly in her hand.

“Abby.” Ellie cuts in and calls her name calmly.

Abby’s shoulder jerk at hearing Ellie say her name, but she doesn’t let Tom out of her gun’s sight.

Ellie dismounts the horse, which makes Tom start to protest, but Ellie puts a hand up to stop him. She walks over to Abby slowly.

As Ellie approached closer, Abby can see that she had washed off most of the blood and dirt stuck to her skin and had changed her jacket to a new one, presumably given to her by the Fireflies. It was a little big for her. Abby touches the sleeve of her jacket, remembering the strange bonding moment she shared with Ellie.

Ellie arrives within reaching distance and stops. She looks up. Abby’s wearing the same worried expression Ellie has seen many times and has become accustomed to by now. For a brief moment a spontaneous thought enters her mind, thinking there’s an adorable quality to Abby when she puts on that face. She quickly shakes it off and focuses on what she’s going to say.

“Well this is awkward.” Ellie says, putting on an uneasy smile.

Abby hangs her mouth open and looks at her in disbelief, obviously not appreciating her casual attitude.

“You’re not seriously going to go with them are you?” Abby asks in a desperate tone.

Ellie drops her smile and tilts her head to the side with a shrug.

“Why not?”

“Wha…you don’t know what they’re gonna do to you!” Abby raises her voice.

“They told me they’re Fireflies. The Fireflies’ mission has always been the same. I can help them.” Ellie answers matter-of-factly.

While Abby struggles to think of what to say next, Ellie’s demeanor turns serious. She furrows her brows and gives Abby a hard stare. She speaks before Abby can.

“So, why’d you hide them from me?”

Ellie had an inkling about why Abby didn’t tell her about the Fireflies, but she wanted to hear it directly from her.

Abby tries to answer and stops herself several times, finally deciding on her response.

“Ellie, you don’t know these people.”

Ellie sighs. That was probably the closest to a honest answer she’ll get from Abby. There was a more straightforward way to say she cared about Ellie’s safety, and it would help to know why Abby thought these Fireflies were not trustworthy, but it was enough for now.

“I know what I’m doing, Abby.” Ellie says calmly.

No you don’t. You don’t have a fuckin’ clue. Abby argues in her head.

“Come with me, Abby. You know we can’t go on like this. We don’t even have enough supplies. Lev is injured. And they said they’ll have you back.”

Abby thinks about what she said. It was true that they couldn’t go any further in their current condition. And if the Fireflies were willing to accept her back on the island, it would be the safest place for both Lev and Ellie-

Abby takes in a sharp breath. She realizes she had been missing the most important issue this whole time.

“Wait, did you tell them…?” Abby asks in a shaky voice.

Ellie looks at her and they lock eyes. Abby is once again captivated by her gaze just like last night, but this time, Abby is the one who does not want to break the eye contact.

“Yes, I told them I’m immune. That’s why they’re taking me to their base.” Ellie answers with confidence.

Abby feels the world spin around her. She has to grip tightly on the saddle to keep herself from falling off the horse. She holds her head in her other hand.

How can you be so goddamn careless…!

She wanted to scream at Ellie at the top of her lungs.

But it was clear from Ellie’s determined attitude that there was no talking her out of it.

After a few deep breaths, Abby lifts her head from her hand and looks at Ellie again, this time with a resolute expression that matched Ellie’s.

“Okay, I’m coming with you.” She says.

Ellie relaxes her face and smiles, this time more natural than before.

Abby can’t look at her straight.

Chapter Text

Lev glances over at Ellie lying on the couch. He wonders if she’s taken a liking to that spot ever since she slept there two nights ago. Maybe she’s trying to calm her mind by choosing a familiar place to rest. He can relate to that. He was nervous too.

He shifts his gaze to the side, over to Tom, who’s sitting at the table with him. Being this close to him reminded Lev of their size difference. Lev didn’t find it easy being around large people. He felt oppressed just by their presence because he knew he would have no chance against them if they were to suddenly attack him. He remembers the brute that attacked him and Abby when they were escaping his home island, and the bearded Rattler that tackled him in Santa Barbara. Abby was the only person who didn’t intimidate him and instead provided a sense of security despite her towering above him.

“I hope Julia’s okay.” Lev says to Tom, who’s been studying his map ever since the three of them took shelter in the house.

Tom reacts to Lev’s comment by lifting his head from the map, but immediately returns to reading it, answering as he keeps his eyes on the paper.

“She’ll be fine. And Max and Abby are more than capable of doing a search and rescue. If she’s in any trouble, that is.” He says, half-heartedly.

After the Fireflies team agreed to take Ellie to their base, they sent Julia back to the community to tell Maria that they were unsuccessful in finding Ellie. After all, they promised to go look for Ellie and they did not want to leave without reporting on their findings, as doing so would make the community suspicious of them, potentially risking their next visit. Ellie felt a slight bit of guilt lying to Maria about her safety, but she had no intentions of leaving Abby and Lev and going back to her garage home alone.

They designated the same house that Abby, Lev and Ellie had stayed two nights ago as the rendezvous point and waited for Julia’s return.

It’s been hours and she hasn’t come back yet.

Even if Lev haven’t formed any sentimental attachments with the Fireflies, he still worried over his former teammate’s safety. They did travel together to Jackson and there were some heartfelt moments along the way. He remembers how Julia complimented him on how skillful he was with the bow. She said she had a younger brother and that Lev reminded her of him.

Ellie listens to the two talk while lying on the couch, twirling her switchblade in her hand. She thinks about Abby’s words from earlier when all of them were discussing on what to do next.

Tom had originally suggested to go look for Julia himself. Then Max stopped him.

“No Tom, I’ll go. Why don’t you stay here and do your strategic planning thingy. I’m better off in the field anyways. But I do want someone to come with me, though.”

“I can go.” Ellie had volunteered.

“No, you’re staying. I’m going.” Abby interjected immediately.

“Abby-” As Ellie started to complain, Abby quickly pulled her aside and talked to her in a low voice.

“I want you to stay with Lev and keep him safe, okay? Can you do that?”

Abby took Ellie’s hand and placed the switchblade in her palm, closing her fist around it. She kept her hands on Ellie’s as she talked.

“I’m trusting you.” Abby had said, as she looked into Ellie’s eyes.

That conversation felt like ages ago.

Ellie stops fidgeting with her switchblade and sighs. She wishes Abby would be back soon.

Abby watches the bun on the back of Max’s head bob up and down as they proceed through the woods. He has his assault rifle slung on his right shoulder. She makes sure to stay behind him as she didn’t feel comfortable letting him out of her sight.

They haven’t exchanged a single word since the start of their search, and the silence lingered heavily between them. The path they were on led to the mansion. Unless Julia intentionally chose an unusual route, she should have used this one. After a while of traversing through uncomfortably tight pathways, the trees around them gradually recede away to give them more space, allowing for better visibility of their surroundings, which eases their tension a little.

As if encouraged by this, Max breaks the silence.

“You know, we weren’t gonna come look for you.”

It takes a second for Abby to understand what he’s saying.

“After we found Ellie? We were just gonna take her to the base without you two.” He says, turning his head to the side to talk but not looking at Abby.

Silence follows. Seeing that Abby was not going to respond, he continues.

“After all, we don’t take back deserters.”

Deserters.

There it is. That familiar militaristic term. It reminded Abby of the WLF. They didn’t take kindly to deserters. But she knew these Fireflies weren’t as harsh, only because they weren’t as disciplined or organized. If people wanted to leave, they were let go. As long as they weren’t seen as a threat to the Fireflies’ mission.

“So what changed your mind?” Abby asks.

Satisfied with finally getting a response, Max nods and answers her.

“She did.”

He senses that Abby didn’t quite get what he meant, so he elaborates.

“Ellie. She’s really concerned about you two, you know? She asked us to find you and let you back in to the base.”

Abby is shocked with this revelation. Her mind starts racing, trying to wrap her head around the implications.

Did Ellie give herself up for Abby and Lev’s safety? Did she use herself as a bargaining chip?

Abby can feel queasiness start to creep into her stomach. Her head felt light. She thinks back to herself criticizing Ellie in her head for telling the Fireflies about her immunity. All of a sudden, Abby wanted to get back to Ellie at once.

Max’s voice interrupts her thoughts.

“So you two knew each other huh? No wonder you were eager to sign up for this mission.”

Abby doesn’t care about what he just said. Her heart is pounding with this new piece of information and she has to make sure Ellie was going to be safe.

“What are you gonna do to her? You gonna cut her up? Kill her? So you can get her immunity?” She asks bluntly.

Max turns his head around and faces Abby for the first time. His brows are furrowed. Abby returns his gaze with a scowl. He looks forward again and shrugs his shoulders.

“How should I know? I’m not a doctor or surgeon or whatever. I’m pretty new to the Fireflies, okay? Calm down, I’m sure she’s not gonna be murdered. That’s not who we are.” He says, somewhat defensively.

He seemed to be sincere in his answer, and it did make sense that these Fireflies wouldn’t act in such a way, whether it be for moral reasons or just incompetence. Abby could deduce this even from the short time she spent on their base. Still, it does not entirely soothe Abby’s frustration. However that feeling is forgotten as his next words make her heart jump.

“Speaking of doctors and surgeons, your dad was one, right? At the Salt Lake outpost?”

For a second Abby is perplexed as to how he could’ve known that, but then she is reminded she had revealed that information to the person she talked over the radio in Santa Barbara.

“So what?” Abby says, trying her best to sound unfazed and antagonistic at the same time.

“Liz told me he was a respected man. That he believed in the Fireflies’ cause. And considering what he was trying to achieve…shouldn’t you be on board with this?”

Abby remembers seeing Liz in the group with Tom and Max that night at the canteen. They must talk a lot with each other, she thinks. It reminded Abby of the Salt Lake gang, but she quickly dismisses that thought. Liz did seem to come across a lot of information through her position as a medic on base, but it sounded like she may have actually known her dad. Why did she never mention that to Abby? It could be something Abby could ask her when she’s back on the island.

Abby realizes she was deep in thought and had forgotten to reply. She opens her mouth to answer when Max comes to an abrupt halt and holds his hand up to signal Abby to stop as well.

They had reached a fork in the road. Abby was familiar with this part of the route, including which way they needed to go. She starts to wonder if Max is lost, when she notices it.

Straight ahead of Max’s intent stare, in the middle of the road split, a lone backpack lay on the ground. Even from a distance it was clear that it was badly damaged.

Max unslings his rifle and unmounts his horse. He gestures at Abby to stay put while he slowly moves toward the backpack in a half-crouching position.

As it came closer in to view, Max can see that there were gashes on it large enough to make the content visible from the outside. He could make out what was once perhaps a notebook and some food items, but they were mutilated just like the exterior of the bag. He hesitated to get any closer to it. It almost felt like a cursed object.

Then he catches something in the corner of his eye. He quickly moves towards it, into the bushes, forgetting his trepidation.

Abby senses he’s found something important and she unmounts her horse, swiftly catching up to his location. Finding him hunched over on the ground, she peers over his shoulder. She takes in a sharp breath.

“Is she…” Abby starts to say with a horrified expression, but could not finish.

Her incomplete question is answered by a groan coming out of the woman lying on the ground in front of Max.

Oh thank god. Abby thinks.

But her relief is short-lived. There were no visible injuries on Julia, but she was obviously in a state of shock. Her eyes were wide open but unfocused and she kept exhibiting sudden bursts of shuddering as if she was suffering from hypothermia. She moves her mouth to articulate, but it opens and closes with little to no sound coming out. Occasionally, a faint high-pitched whisper could be heard. This whole situation was disturbing Abby beyond her capacity to stay calm, but she tries hard to listen.

“…hide…need…hide…”

She seemed to be repeating herself.

Hide from what?

A chill goes down Abby’s spine and she suddenly feels exposed, quickly scanning her surroundings to make sure they weren’t being stalked.

Max puts his arm under Julia's back and gets her to sit up. She sees the road and starts trembling. She lifts her hand and points shakily towards the way Abby and Max had come from.

“…there…that way…”

Abby widens her eyes.

Lev…! Ellie…!

She turns around and darts to her horse. Max knows what she’s about to do and yells after her.

“I’ll catch up with you!”

But even before he has time to ask Abby if she knows what she’s up against, she’s off.

As she galloped back the way they came, a foul stench stabbed Abby’s nose momentarily. It was all too familiar.

Abby grips her reins tight and desperately clings on to the hope that she can get back to the village in time.

Ellie could feel her eyelids getting heavier by the minute. She was still tired from the night before and even though there was a lingering sense of nervousness, the comfort of the couch and the monotony of the situation has started to numb her brain.

Lev had moved over to the window, looking out and wondering when Abby would be back, while Tom kept himself busy at the table. Clouds were gathering in the sky above, and fog was starting to surround the house. It obstructed Lev’s view of the outside world.

There was not a noise in the house as the time passed by, and eventually Ellie’s mind fades into unconsciousness.

A loud thud drops down from the floor above.

Ellie jolts up, her heart pounding in her chest.

“…holy shit…” She whispers under hear breath.

Lev and Tom are on alert too. All three of them stare towards the ceiling.

The room is once again filled with silence, this time a dreadfully tense one, as the three of them don’t move a single muscle.

Another banging sound comes from above, this time accompanied by scraping on the floor boards.

Spurred by this, Tom gets up from his chair while reaching over to the assault rifle he had placed on top of the table. He slings the rifle on his shoulder, unholsters his handgun, cocks it, and moves towards the staircase leading up to the second floor. He only now realizes they hadn’t checked the upper floor.

He glances over at Ellie and Lev who are staring intently at the top of the staircase, expecting something to come tumbling down at any moment. Ellie has her switchblade in her hand. He gestures at them to stay where they are.

Ellie watches as Tom slowly ascends the stairs while pointing his handgun ahead of him, disappearing into the upper floor. She looks over at Lev, who has picked up his oversized bow and was standing near the table in a battle stance. Ellie's mind is firing on all cylinders, hyper alert to any little sound or movement. Both of them hold their breath as they focus all their attention on upstairs.

Tom’s footsteps echo from above, the creaking of floorboards giving away his position.

The creaking stops. It is quiet again.

Three short bursts of gunshots rip through the entire house. Ellie and Lev jump at the sound.

They don’t hear anything else.

Ellie lifts her body off the couch and cautiously makes her way to the staircase. She looks at Lev who has a worried look on his face as if to tell her not to go. Ellie gives him a little wave to tell him she’s fine and then holds her hand up to make him stay. She looks up towards the darkness at the top of the stairs. She unholsters her revolver, plants her feet on the first step and starts ascending.

She keeps her back pressed against the wall as she goes up.

Out of nowhere, her mind conjures up an image of an open window with nervously fluttering curtains. Ellie’s face contort into a painful expression.

No. Not now.

She shakes her head. She needs to focus.

As she reaches the top of the stairs, she finds a pool of blood flowing out into the hallway from one of the rooms. She swiftly moves to the side of the doorway and peeks in.

The windows in the room have been boarded up. In the darkness, Ellie can make out the contours of Tom’s large body crouched on the ground. Her eyes adjust to the low light and she sees the bleeding corpse of an infected in front of him.

He notices her presence and looks over his shoulder.

“Must’ve been up here the whole time.” He says grimly.

Ellie is about to tell him he did a fine job exterminating the infected, when she hears Lev shout from below.

“Ellie!”

Before she can even think, she’s running out the room and down the stairs, almost jumping the entire length.

She spots him by the window, body tense, his eyes fixated on the foggy world outside.

“What’s wrong?” She asks as she gets closer to him.

“I saw something move out there. It was large. And quiet.” Lev answers, trying hard not to sound panicked.

Ellie goes to the opposite side of the window and looks out. The fog had gotten much thicker now, creating an ominous and oppressive atmosphere. But it seemed like there was no movement outside except for the fog drifting sideways across the land.

Tom walks up to them and starts to talk.

“Do you see anyth-”

“Shh!” Ellie shushes him. She turns her ear towards the window and concentrates.

She hears a faint sound. A rhythmic thumping could be heard that vibrated through the ground. She realizes it’s coming their way as the intensity gradually climbs, growing louder and louder.

Ellie grips her revolver, ready to fight. But as soon as she figures out she’s hearing horse steps, a familiar voice cuts through the murky air.

“Lev! Ellie!!”

Abby appears out of the fog, bursting into their sights. She stops the horse right outside of the house, and it neighs loudly. It’s exhausted from all the sprinting it had to do to get here.

Ellie and Lev look at each other. They share a smile, then rush outside to meet her.

“Abby!” Ellie is first to reach her and she stops short of almost dragging Abby off the horse and embracing her.

Abby relaxes her scowling face and even brings the corner of her lip up a little. But she doesn’t waste any time enjoying this moment of relief.

“We need to go.” She tells them in a serious tone.

Another galloping sound approaches which makes them tense up, but they relax as soon as they see it’s Max who has just arrived at the scene.

Ellie notices there is a woman sitting behind him on the horse, looking paler than the snow on the ground. Lev sees her too, and he is visibly shaken by her abnormal condition.

They sense the gravity of the situation and quickly gather their belongings inside the house, then mount their horses. Ellie gets up behind Abby. It’s only been a couple of days since she’s sat behind her but she relishes in the comfort she feels from the familiar warmth and scent. She puts her arms around Abby’s waist and is met with the soft texture of her jacket. By now, it had almost become a part of Abby’s identity.

In a matter of seconds, they abandon the area and are on the road.

The house is left behind in the fog, eerily standing in silence as the sounds recede into the distance.

The group don’t slow their pace until they travel far enough to feel they are safe from any danger that may have lurked in or around the house.

“Okay, I think we’re in the clear now.” Tom says as he pulls on his horse’s reins.

During their escape, they had entered the woods again. While they had had enough of the forest environment already, the area was free of any fog, much to their delight. The air was pristine and the dying sunlight cast orange rays onto them, beaming between the tree branches.

The trail they were on was relatively smooth and they're not stopped by any obstacles. It starts off wide enough to allow for two horses to move along side-by-side, but eventually it narrows, and they slow down as a result. They leisurely move through the narrow dirt path in single file.

At the front of the pack, Tom keeps his gaze forward, making sure they weren’t straying away from the route he charted earlier on the map. Behind him, Max looks over his shoulder every few minutes to check on Julia, making sure she was okay. Abby follows him with droopy eyes, exhaustion overtaking her body. Ellie is barely awake, leaning against Abby’s back.

At the tail end, Lev observes the two in front of him and has a spark of inspiration to cheer them up a bit. He remembers how Abby told him countless bad jokes to ease the tension and how Ellie broke up his argument with Abby using a bad pun. Lev didn’t know many jokes -in fact the only ones he knew were from Abby and Ellie- but he had heard enough of them to kind of understand how they work. He starts thinking of one and he tries not to laugh as he formulates his version of a joke. After a few moments he has one, but he waits until it feels right to say it. He knew timing is key when it came to telling jokes.

Finally, he finds the right moment to perform it.

“Hey, Abby.” He calls out.

Abby, not wanting to disturb Ellie and too tired to give him a proper response, only acknowledges him with a lazy “Yeah?” without turning to face him.

The sun has almost completely set and it was getting darker.

“What did the wolf say to the giraffe?” He asks while trying to contain his laughter.

A short, violent growl erupts behind Abby.

Abby stops. She slowly turns her head to see what it is, while her heart starts to beat faster.

She does not see Lev where he is supposed to be.

His horse stands there, riderless, pointing its face towards the side of the path. The tree branches in the direction of its gaze sway gently, as if something brushed past it just now.

Complete silence falls upon them.

“…Lev?”

Her mind cannot comprehend the scene in front of her.

“Enemy contact!” Tom’s shout rips through the silence. He unslings his rifle.

A familiar stench drifts across the startled group, and Abby can feel nausea setting in. She snaps out of her momentary daze.

“LEV!!!” Abby lets out a high-pitched shriek and she stumbles off her horse.

“Where the fuck did it come from!” Max yells as he unslings his rifle and whips his head around. He sees Abby starting to go for the deep woods. He quickly unmounts and runs over to Abby, grabbing her arm.

“No! We need to stick together!” He tells her firmly but there is desperation in his voice.

“Get the fuck off me!” Abby responds in a furious cry.

Left alone, Julia starts producing a groan that borders on wailing. It blankets over their panicked shouts.

“Can someone please shut her up! We’re gonna call in all the infected in the area!” Tom barks as he frantically points his gun every which way.

Abby struggles to escape Max’s grasp. She needs to go after Lev now. Every second was precious time lost.

“Abby, calm down! We can’t risk the entire team!” Max tries to reason with her.

“FUCK your team!” Abby howls at him and gives him a menacing, almost crazed look.

He was right there.

Abby was still trying to process what happened.

“Forget it! HE’S GONE!” Tom shouts with a booming voice.

Abby uses her entire weight to step backwards and she is released of Max’s clutch. She quickly pulls her handgun out and points it at his forehead.

“We’re not…leaving…without him…!” She manages to say between clenched teeth, but she can barely contain her shock and her hand trembles. She is breaking down.

Max raises his hands and braces himself.

At that moment, Ellie jumps off the horse and dashes in the direction where she saw the tree branches move earlier. She quickly disappears out of sight.

“Shit!” Max curses.

Abby doesn’t hesitate to go after Ellie.

As she enters the dense vegetation, she sees a glimpse of Ellie’s head and immediately follows it.

She runs through the forest, tree branches scraping and slapping her face and body, the uneven ground hindering her movement and threatening to make her stumble. Her face starts bleeding from cuts and she almost falls over but she doesn't allow herself to stop. The commotion caused by her crashing through the woods disturbs some birds and they flutter off, screeching as they do so.

As she ran, her mind kept taking her back to her conversation with Lev earlier that day.

"You're not responsible for everything I do."

"Yeah, well I guess I’m not a very responsible person, am I? Constantly putting you in danger."

Abby lets out a strained scream.

Finally, she spots Ellie. She had stopped in front of a large rock, and was on the ground, crouching. Abby is hit with a mix of hope and dread. It fuels her to go even faster.

By the time she reaches Ellie, she is wheezing.

“Did you find him-” Abby manages to say while barely catching her breath, but she stops herself mid-sentence.

She sees a glimpse of what Ellie had found. Ellie stands up and moves to the side, allowing Abby to fully witness it. Abby takes a step forward with trembling legs. She can feel her stomach churn. She feels weak.

Abby reaches to where Ellie was, and falls to her knees. She gently picks up the object lying on the ground.

"It’s a bit big, but you’ll grow into it."

Ellie sees Abby’s shoulder quiver and places a hand on it.

“Abby…”

Hunched over, Abby uses both of her arms to hold the bow tight against her chest, her eyes squeezed shut, her mouth contorted. Short bursts of guttural, animal-like wails escape her.

The sun has set and they’re left enveloped in the shadowy darkness of the woods.

Chapter Text

Abby sits on a piece of log across Ellie and Lev, campfire crackling in the middle. Everything around them is shrouded in darkness, and all she can see is their immediate surroundings.

The flickering flame illuminates them in warm colors while the smoke and wavering hot air obscure their view. Abby can see that the two are engaged in a lively conversation, but she can only hear the wood in the fireplace crack and burn. The sound is deafeningly loud.

She brings the cup in her hands up to her lips and practically buries her face into it, sipping the hot beverage while closing her eyes. It is soothing, yet has no flavor. Almost like drinking plain hot water. She lowers the cup and opens her eyes, casting her gaze towards the fire. It entices her to go into a trance state, but then she looks up, noticing something is amiss.

They’re gone.

Abby stands up, dropping the cup on the ground. The fire hisses as the liquid makes contact with it. She swings her head around. All she sees is pitch-black.

She looks down at the fire and sees a familiar object burning in it.

Lev’s bow…!

She instinctively reaches into the fire with her bare hands, letting the flames cover her entire arms. Weirdly it does not produce a burning sensation, yet it feels like it's stinging her. After some frantic digging, she finally grabs the bow and pulls it out.

Abby looks down at her hands to see she’s holding a burnt piece of wood that once was a bow but no longer resembles one. It crumbles into pieces.

She drops to her knees and covers her face with her soiled hands, smearing ash all over it. Her tears mix with the ash creating gray water that drips down towards her chin.

Then, warmth presses against her entire back. Abby jolts.

It is a different kind of warmth than the one provided by the fire. It was a gentle, enticing kind of warmth and it tried to melt into her rather than burn her. As her beating heart gradually calms down, a pair of arms extend from behind her and wraps around her waist. They are much skinnier than her own. One of them has a distinctive tattoo on it.

Abby slides her hand across the length of the tattooed arm and holds on to its thin wrist.

You’re here for me.

The thought reassures her.

And I’m here for you.

Abby tells the owner of the arms, almost as a promise.

The hypnotic crashing of waves drift in to the room, carried by the sea breeze through the small gap in the window. Along with it, a military-style jogging chant can be faintly heard in the distance.

The sound wakes Abby up.

Dazed, she looks around with unfocused eyes, slowly taking in her surroundings.

She’s in a tiny nondescript room with a single bed and a desk with a chair, as well as one dresser. For a second, she thinks she’s back in the room that was assigned to her by the Fireflies when she first arrived on the island. She almost wishes she was.

Instead she is reminded that it’s the “temporary housing” she’s been confined to for the past three days. When the team arrived on the island, both Abby and Ellie were sent to what the Fireflies referred to as “temporary housing” until they were done with medical tests and other administrative work. They were basically being detained.

Okay, NOW they’ve gone full-FEDRA.

Abby thought when she was told of this arrangement. Abby didn’t find the irony of it to be particularly humorous, partially because she was in no state to enjoy anything. She didn’t even have the will or energy to fight back and refuse against being separated and practically locked up, which she regretted now. She has no idea what is going on with Ellie and it was starting to drive her crazy. Abby was allowed to leave the room and move around in the apartment building she was in and eat at the kitchen / dining area, but there were guards at the entrance that strictly controlled people going in and out. Information was limited too. She assumes Ellie is in a similar building, just not this one.

As she sits on the side of the bed, her mind takes her back to the woods where Ellie kept Abby stay sane when she was on the brink of falling apart.

“No, he’s alive. I have to find him.”

Abby argued against Tom and Max when they told her there is no chance Lev could have survived. Ellie sided with her, which forced the Fireflies to go along with the search.

But as the night passed without success or any clue as to where Lev had disappeared to, Abby’s mind started to become overridden by dread, and the collective willpower of the group eroded, instead being replaced by a heavy air of defeat.

Two days after Lev’s disappearance and they were at their breaking point. They had reached the limit. Physically, mentally, and supply-wise.

That night, Abby was on her watch duty, exhausted and hopelessly lost, her consciousness straying from one dark thought to another, as she stared into the shadowy woods while clutching Lev’s bow. The others slept but she couldn’t get an ounce of sleep.

Ellie ditched her sleep and came over to join her, offering her some of the precious food supply that was quickly waning. Abby didn’t take it.

“Abby.” Ellie said with a sigh.

“I know.” Abby gave a curt answer.

“We can’t contin-”

“I said I know!”

Abby immediately made a pained expression. She hated herself for snapping at Ellie. For letting this happen to Lev. And most of all, she hated how a part of her mind calmly assessed the situation the whole time they were searching, making herself rationalize and accept the reality in front of her. And that rational part of her was winning over her with every hour that passed. It was an instinctive coping mechanism for the psyche to save itself from shutting down, but she wanted desperately to deny it. She was fighting against herself. Until Ellie talked to her.

Ellie, unaffected by Abby’s outburst, continued to talk to her in a soft voice.

“I know how it feels.”

Abby replied, “I know you do.”

And as if those few words spoken by Ellie broke down the barrier holding up all of Abby's pent-up emotional burden, she started sobbing uncontrollably.

Ellie put her arms around Abby and held her. She felt Abby’s entire body shake as she cried.

“He’ll know where to find us.”

Teary-eyed herself, Ellie whispered over Abby’s trembling shoulder.

Abby nodded in agreement. She never would have imagined Ellie would talk reason to her.

They called off their search and left the woods the next day.

In her tiny detention room, Abby looks towards the desk in the corner. A large bow is placed on top of it. She vows to keep it safe until the day she returns it to Lev.

On the tenth day, Abby is released.

The man who came to notify her of the results of her medical tests and hand over the keys to her old room does so administratively. He also returns her backpack with her weapons. They allowed her to keep Lev’s bow during her detention since she had no arrows on her.

She asks where Ellie is and he simply tells her that Ellie is not ready to move to regular housing yet. Abby almost loses it at his response but keeps her calm as she presses him to give her more information. He points her to the direction of the admin office. He says they would give her answers.

Of course.

Abby thinks to herself. That’s the way things work here.

She remembers it’s the same place she submitted her application for joining the mission to Jackson. Abby wonders if the bored-looking girl with glasses still worked there. She seemed so miserable.

Before he leaves, he says there’s one more thing. He brings out a clipboard with a piece of paper on it and asks her to sign it. He says it’s an NDA.

Are you kidding me?

She thinks. Abby is almost tempted to slap it out of his hand, but she obliges begrudgingly. She doesn’t bother to read the entire thing but from glancing over a few lines she gathers that they want her to be quiet about Ellie’s immunity. Abby rolls her eyes. She just makes a rough squiggly line at the bottom and shoves the clipboard back to him. He leaves.

On her way to the office, she decides to stop by her old room.

She unlocks the door and steps in. There is a slight musty quality to the air which makes her hesitate to go further. Surveying the room from the entrance, there didn’t seem to be any changes from when she left. There was not much to look at to begin with and there wasn’t anything now that particularly interested her.

She walks over to the closet and opens it, momentarily having an absurd thought about Lev hiding in there. When she sees nothing but a few clothing items, boxes and a backpack, she finds herself somewhat disappointed, which she quickly dismisses as a ridiculous reaction. She carefully places Lev’s bow inside, letting it lean on the wall. Then, unslinging the backpack that was given back to her upon her release, she zips it open and brings out a worn out jacket. After holding it in her hands for a few moments, she brushes the dirt off and hangs it up.

“See you later.” She says to no one and shuts the closet door.

Before exiting the room, she stops beside the bed and touches its surface, thinking back to the day when Lev came to talk to her about the mission to Jackson.

“I think they’ll appreciate your generosity. They might even laugh at your jokes too.”

His voice echoes in her mind. It brings a sad smile to her face.

But after that exchange, she said the wrong thing and hurt him. She shakes her head to try and forget that part.

She grabs the door handle and rushes out of the room.

Hurrying down the hallway, she passes a row of doors, one of which led to Lev’s room. She doesn’t stop and walks right past it. She’s not ready to go in there.

She arrives at the office, located in the same building as the command center, where men and women in semi-formal, military uniform type attire sit at desks, busily going through documents and talking with each other. Feeling uncomfortable, Abby goes straight to the nearest worker to state her request. She wanted to get this done as quickly as possible.

They tell her that they would need to check with their senior officers to approve Abby’s visitation.

She was running out of patience with this bureaucratic bullshit.

Luckily, she catches a glimpse of a document on one of the desks that showed a certain “previous Jackson resident” being held at the Hammerhead Hotel. Despite all their attempts at being organized, she’s reminded of how sloppy they actually were. Abby tells them to forget it and leaves the office behind.

By now, with her frustration at its peak, she can no longer stay calm and starts running to the hotel. If Abby remembers correctly, it had been converted into a special purpose facility dedicated to accommodating important individuals. Hence, its close proximity to the command center.

She’s at the stylish and sturdy looking structure in no time, quickly walking through the front garden where a large fountain adorned with a hammerhead shark statue sits in the middle, covered in ivy and deep green moss. Her mind automatically starts pondering how Lev would react to it if he saw it.

A single guard stood next to the entrance, looking bored. Abby tries to walk right past him.

“Hey!” He shouts as he goes after her.

Two soldiers in the lobby handling security check and administration get up from their desk and come towards her, blocking her way. She’s surrounded. Abby stops and holds her hands up.

“There’s a woman…uh…from the…the Jackson expedition. I know she’s being kept here. I need to see her.” Abby stutters, trying to find the right words.

One of the soldiers look at her quizzically.

“I was part of the team that brought her here.” She elaborates.

Growing impatient and desperate, Abby is about to lie that she’s been cleared by the admin office when she hears a familiar voice call her name.

“Abby?”

The owner of the voice comes walking from a hallway next to the reception desk.

“Liz.” Abby says with a mix of surprise and relief.

As she came in to full view, Abby could see that Liz was still the thin blonde she remembered from before but with a more authoritative air about her. The patch on her shoulder supported this feeling. She had been promoted.

Liz looks at Abby’s nervous expression and then at the three soldiers.

“She’s good. Let her through. I’ll take her to the room.” Liz says in a cool way that has a finality to it, not allowing any refusals.

The soldiers didn’t seem to be entirely convinced but none of them were that devoted to their jobs. As long as someone took responsibility instead of them, they didn’t care. The two blocking Abby move out of her way.

Abby walks over to Liz who turns around and starts walking back the way she came without a word.

As they reach the elevators, Abby speaks.

“Thanks back there.”

Liz presses the up button and talks without looking at Abby.

“I was coming from your friend’s daily checkup. We’ll start running some tests on her after she’s fully recovered.”

“Recovered? Is she okay?” Abby asks immediately, her voice thick with concern.

The elevator arrives and they load in to it. Abby is frustrated that her question hung in the air until the elevator starts moving.

“Just exhaustion. And some relatively minor wounds. She’ll be fine.” Liz answers matter-of-factly.

Abby is somewhat relieved. But then she starts thinking about the other part of what Liz just said. While it was stated vaguely, Abby can guess what those "tests" are going to be for. There were a million questions she wanted to ask Liz, but she decides to go with the most pressing one.

The elevator arrives at the 6^th floor. They get out and Liz leads the way.

Abby opens her mouth to ask about the "tests" when Liz turns her head to face her.

“She can’t shut up about you. I’d say it’s the only thing that’s motivating her to get up every morning. You must’ve made quite the impression.” She says, slightly breaking her clinical tone and introducing a subtle hint of admiration.

Hearing this, Abby is momentarily at a loss for words. She forgets about the question she was about to ask. A warmness slowly spreads across her chest.

“I figured letting her see you would boost her morale and speed up the recovery.” Liz says.

It meant that Ellie needed that emotional support. She was already in an unstable condition when Abby met her in Jackson, but it seemed like she was finding ways to cope with it, through her interactions with Abby and Lev. What if she was only suppressing it the whole time? Abby is overcome with fear in the sudden realization that Ellie’s mind may have been slowly but surely deteriorating while they travelled together.

“Oh, and…” Liz says, snapping Abby out of her thoughts.

“Please tell her to try and eat more. She’s not eating much.”

There is genuine compassion in her words.

Ellie not eating was nothing new, but it was troubling that Liz was showing concern. Still, Abby did not know what she could possibly do to persuade Ellie to eat, as simply asking her would most likely end in failure.

They stop in front of room 603.

“I’ll let you two catch up in private." Liz says, and then she leans in closer to Abby and whispers, "I’m not really supposed to.”

Then she steps aside and waits for Abby to enter the room.

Abby takes a deep breath. She reaches for the handle, noticing her palm slightly damp with sweat. There’s fast rhythmic beating in her chest. It was the first time they were going to see each other since they were abruptly separated upon arriving at the island.

She tugs the handle and opens the door.

Inside, the first thing Abby notices is that the lights are off. With only the light from outside weakly coming in through the curtains, she can barely make out a figure sitting at the side of the bed, facing the other way. There was a certain melancholic air about them and their stillness almost made them look like a statue. 

“Ellie…?” Abby tentatively calls in to the dark room, as the door closes behind her.

The figure lifts their head at the sound and turns around.

Abby recognizes the familiar face as it transforms from a blank stare to a surprised expression, becoming more animated in front of her eyes.

Ellie hurries off the bed and tries to rush over to Abby, but she lacks the strength to fully support herself and she also cannot see the objects lying on the floor, which make her stumble.

Abby swiftly steps forward and catches Ellie in her arms. She gasps at how light she is. Liz was right. Ellie had lost weight, if that was even possible.

On top of that, she wore loose-fitting clothes which made her seem even smaller. It’s just a plain, beige colored t-shirt with some dark cargo pants, but seeing her in different attire felt refreshing in a strange sort of way. That, and the fact that she was no longer covered in blood and dirt and grime. A faint soapy smell tickled Abby’s nose.

Ellie looks up at Abby and stares at her with wonderment.

“You’re here.” Ellie squeezes her words out, her voice hoarse. She cracks a weak smile.

Abby could feel the muscles in her face loosen and her chest tighten.

“You look…different.” Abby says as she brings one of her hands up and brushes the stray strands of hair off Ellie’s forehead.

Ellie lets out a little laugh.

“Thanks for not saying I straight up look like shit.” She says in a mildly sarcastic tone.

Abby smiles and pats Ellie’s shoulder. She keeps her hand there as both of them sit down on the side of the bed.

“How are they treating you?” Abby asks gently.

“Apart from not letting me out of the building? Not too bad, I guess. I wish they’d give me food that didn’t taste like cardboard though.”

Must be the canteen food. Abby thinks. She remembers how everything there had the same boring, bland taste to it. Abby must’ve gotten used to it since she didn’t think much of it when it was served to her while she was detained.

“At least your room’s a lot better than the one I had to stay in.” Abby says jokingly.

“They let you out?” Ellie asks.

“Yeah…did they tell you why they haven’t moved you out yet?” Abby asks with a concerned face. It was bothering her ever since she was told Ellie was still held in her “temporary housing.”

Ellie shifted uneasily on the bed.

“Liz told me some wishy-washy reason like they wanted to monitor my health under a controlled environment or something.” She says, looking at the carpeted floor in front of her.

“I think they didn’t wanna say to my face that I’m unstable and can't be trusted with myself. You know, like I'd do something stupid and damage my brain or something.”

“Well, fuck them.” Abby says bluntly. It makes Ellie chuckle. But Abby senses Ellie didn’t entirely share the same sentiment as her.

As if someone heard her, there is a knock on the door.

Before either of them could respond, Liz’s voice comes from the other side.

“I’m sorry, I need to do some follow-up stuff with Ellie.” She says.

Abby looks at Ellie with a slightly worried look, but Ellie nods to her to let her know she’s okay.

They linger their gaze on each other in the quiet, dimly lit room as if they’re literally magnetized to each other and had to be forced apart, but eventually, Abby stands up.

“I guess that means I better get going. At least I was able to find you.”

“Yeah.” Ellie replies, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

Abby walks over to the door and reaches for the handle when Ellie calls her.

“Abby?”

Reacting to her name being called, Abby turns around to face Ellie.

Abby can’t see Ellie’s expression clearly, but she feels her piercing eyes through the darkness.

“Will you be back tomorrow?” Ellie asks, her voice a mix of trepidation and hopefulness.

There’s a moment of silence.

“Of course I will.” Abby answers softly, and she smiles even if she doubts Ellie could even see her face.

And then she gets out and closes the door behind her with a heavy heart. She sighs.

Liz approaches her.

“I told the guards you’re free to visit Ellie. I might see you again if I’m doing a checkup on her.” She tells Abby and reaches for the door handle.

“Wait.” Abby holds her hand up and stops Liz.

Liz furrows her brows as she looks at Abby.

“What are you guys doing with her? She told me she hasn’t been told why she’s still here. You guys even got a plan?” Abby presses Liz.

Abby folds her arms and makes herself appear bigger, something that she used to do much more often before. She doesn’t quite have the same imposing physical presence anymore, but she does it anyways.

“Okay, you need to calm down. We haven’t had enough time to understand her ‘condition’ yet. Meanwhile, we want to keep her in a safe environment.” Liz responds resolutely.

This response only serves to further frustrate Abby, but then a look of realization slowly overtakes her face.

No it can't be... Abby thinks, but then she finds that it actually made sense.

“You guys don’t know how to extract her immunity.” Abby says in an incredulous tone, almost escaping her mouth accidentally.

Liz looks away from her and keeps her mouth shut.

It’s just as Abby had suspected. She continues to be underwhelmed by the Fireflies’ ineptitude. She wouldn’t be surprised if they couldn’t figure out what to do with a vaccine even if they were capable of making one.

It suddenly dawns on her that this may be worse than she initially thought. How would Ellie react when she finds out the Fireflies didn’t know what to do with her?

“Just…don’t make her feel worthless. She doesn’t deserve that.” Abby says as she holds her head in her hand.

Now Liz is the one folding her arms as she looks at Abby with keen interest and awe.

“You really care about her.” She says.

Abby doesn’t say anything.

“Show that. Show her you care about her. It’ll help her more than you think.” Liz tells Abby.

Abby looks at the door, thinking about what Liz just said.

“And how are you holding up?”

Abby’s attention snaps back to Liz as the question is thrown at her.

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

She’s about to brush it off saying she’s fine. But then she reconsiders, thinking she might be able to get some professional advice from Liz.

“I’ve been…having dreams.” Abby says hesitantly.

“About the boy?”

Abby’s head jerks up and looks at Liz with bewildered eyes.

“I read the report. I’m sorry about what happened to him.”

Her words are sincere.

“These kinds of things could be especially traumatic when it happens so suddenly and without a clear motive or understanding of what caused it.”

Abby was aware of this, but hearing Liz explain it in her calm manner made Abby a little less afraid.

“I’m always thinking about him. Whether I’m asleep or awake. Sometimes it tires me out so much I can’t even think anymore.” Abby says, choking up.

Liz puts a hand on Abby’s shoulder.

“The worst thing you could do is blame yourself.” She says in a consoling tone.

“If you are able to sleep and eat, I think you’re okay for now. But if it gets worse, come see me.”

Abby nods.

Liz takes a moment to observe Abby, then turns to the door.

As Abby sees Liz go for the door, she remembers her thoughts from earlier.

“Just one more thing.” She says and Liz stops to look at her.

“Please don’t tell her about my dad.”

Liz hardens her expression for a split second.

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” She says with a small reassuring smile and opens the door, quickly disappearing inside.

Left alone in the hallway, Abby stares at the door for a few moments before walking towards the elevators.

That night, Abby eats by herself in the canteen.

She wears a cap with a Fireflies logo on it snug on her head to shroud her face. Abby thought the hat was ridiculous and felt a slight bit of embarrassment wearing it out in public, but it allowed her to keep to herself and avoid others from recognizing her, although not many would recognize her and they probably wouldn’t talk to her even if they did.

The menu hadn’t magically improved during her absence, nor did the quality of the food, and Abby unenthusiastically dissects the chicken breast on her plate.

She glances over at a nearby table where a group of three are talking and laughing, enjoying each other’s company. Abby thinks back to the night which her mind keeps returning to. She sees Ellie and Lev’s faces, illuminated by the flickering fire. They eat and laugh and talk about anything other than killing or dying or infections.

Abby’s hands stop.

She realizes she had it. The life she never had up until then. It was in her grasp during that brief moment. And now it was slipping away.

Lev’s words echo in her head.

“…you taught me how to survive…”

Yes, she had taught him well. That is why Abby still held on to the slim hope of him still being alive. But also because she was afraid of what would happen to herself if she lost that hope.

Abby looks down at her unappetizing meal and thinks of Ellie’s thinning body.

Her mind continues to playback what Lev said that night by the fire.

“So, if you had the choice of eating anything for the last meal of your life, what would it be, Ellie?”

A thought blooms in Abby’s head. Her eyes widen.

“Show her you care about her. It’ll help her more than you think.”

Liz's words have been stewing in her mind ever since she said them.

A twinkle enters Abby’s eyes. She can feel vigor welling up from within.

Abby shoves the rest of the food in her mouth and leaves the canteen, busily planning the next action while she hurried back to her room.

Amidst her planning, a single thought reverberated strongly in her head.

I’m not gonna lose you.

Chapter Text

It's early morning and sunlight shines on the boxes full of herbs, spices and vegetables lined up in front of the suburban house. Nestled in the residential district, the privately-operated store had only a modest selection of items, but it was one of the few places on the island that offered baking ingredients.

Abby stands in front of the boxes, looking lost. She stares at the products from left to right, unable to find what she came for.

The owner of the store comes out of the house with a box of fruits, and he notices Abby.

“Mornin’! You lookin’ for somethin’?” He says with a cheery smile that radiated a little too much energy for a sleep-deprived Abby.

“Uh…bread flour?” Abby tells him uncertainly, her head not fully awake yet.

“Okay, how much you want?”

“How much…” Abby repeats his words under her breath, confirming what the question was, then answers his question.

“A bag I guess?”

The store owner gives her a puzzled look then goes in the house, coming back out a few minutes later with a small cloth bag in his hand.

“That enough for you?” He asks Abby, holding up the bag of flour.

“Yeah, that works.” She answers and digs around her backpack for her barter items. But before she finds an appropriate item to trade, something in the storefront catches her eye.

It’s a row of jars, filled with deep-red colored liquid.

“What’re those?” Abby asks, gesturing towards the jars.

“Ah, my raspberry juice. Everyone's favorite. You haven’t heard of ‘em? Pretty popular around here, you know.” He boasts.

Abby looks at the jars while she mentally visualizes the trading items in her backpack.

“I’ll have two of those.” She tells him.

Minutes later, Abby is walking down the street, her backpack containing a bag of flour and two jars of raspberry juice. It is heavy on her back, but her mind is already on to the next ingredient on her list.

Okay, now I need…

Abby continues her awkward grocery shopping throughout the rest of the morning.

Ellie looks out the window, anxiously checking the position of the sun in the darkening sky. The streets on the island were basked in its blinding orange light, and beyond the cliffs the sea shimmered brightly. There was no denying the view from the room was picturesque, but the sunset still made Ellie restless.

Abby usually knocks on the door in the late afternoon, almost like clockwork. It’s been a week since she first visited Ellie in her “cell” and so far she has not missed a single day of checking in and spending time with Ellie.

With a sigh, Ellie retreats to her bed and grabs her journal resting next to the pillow. She had picked up writing and drawing again, which gave her a sense of purpose and motivation in an otherwise distressing situation. She even wrote short stories, now that she had more time on her hands. The subject matter wasn’t exactly lighthearted, but it helped her organize her thoughts and express her feelings. She would often find herself lost in the world she had created on the pages of her small journal.

She flips open to the latest page expecting to find her last entry, but a frown overtakes her face as she sees an unfamiliar block of text. It was in a messy handwriting that didn’t feel like her own.

When did I write this…?

A ringing sound has crept in to her ears. Her finger traces the words on the page.

“She’s going to leave you. You’re going to be alone.”

Ellie frantically scratches out the line with her pencil and throws the journal on the bed. Her head feels light. She’s breathing shallow. She can hear her heart thump loudly in her chest.

A momentary flashback reminds her of the medication Liz gave her for her anxiety. Ellie looks to the desk where the pill bottle was. She rushes over to it and quickly downs a few pills with some water in the glass cup on the desk. She doesn’t know if it’ll help. Somehow it feels like it’ll just make it worse. What she really wanted was-

Three firm knocks come from the door.

Ellie almost drops the pill bottle. She sets it down on the desk and stumbles over to the door, swinging it open to find Abby standing there.

Abby takes one look at Ellie’s contorted, ghastly expression and immediately grabs her arm, bringing her into the room. She sits Ellie down on the side of the bed and takes a seat next to her, putting her hand on Ellie’s back.

“Take it easy. Breathe. You’re gonna be okay.” Abby says to Ellie, as if chanting a mantra. She glances over at the desk where the pill bottle is.

Ellie breathes deeply. She can feel her heart beat slowing down.

“I think…I’m okay now.” She says.

Abby rummages through her backpack and brings out a jar.

“Here, have some of this.” Abby says as she opens the lid.

“What is it?” Ellie asks, not being able to hide the slight bit of worry in her voice. And understandably so: people have been giving her stuff to inject or ingest almost constantly, ever since she arrived on the island.

Abby gives a little laugh.

“It’s just juice.” She says with a smile.

Ellie feels the cool surface of the jar in her hands as she receives it from Abby. She takes a sip.

“Good?” Abby asks while taking another jar out for herself.

Ellie brings the jar down and wipes her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Fuck me, this shit is amazing! Where’d you get this?” She says with genuine excitement.

Abby laughs again, this time more heartily.

“Glad you like it. Got it off some guy selling stuff. He was pretty proud of it.”

“Yeah, I can see why.” Ellie says and takes a bigger swig.

Abby takes a gulp and lets out a hum of approval.

“What’d you trade for it?” Ellie asks, suddenly realizing that Abby had to give away something to get this delicious beverage for the two of them.

“Nothing important.” Abby answers simply.

Yeah, right. Ellie thinks, but decides not to pursue it any further and enjoy the drink.

They sit and drink in silence until Ellie puts the jar on the floor and leans back to lie down on the bed. She felt the need to rest after her earlier episode.

“You okay?” Abby asks, glancing over to her.

“Hmmm…” Ellie says, indicating that something was missing.

Then she swings her legs up on the bed, turns her body, and plops her head on Abby’s lap.

“Better.” She says with a smile of satisfaction.

For a few seconds Abby freezes up, not knowing what to do, but she decides to let Ellie use her lap as a pillow and goes back to drinking her juice. She uses her free hand to stroke Ellie’s hair.

It was surreal to think that the cure for humanity was literally resting on her lap right now. The weight of that notion is heavy enough to overwhelm anyone, but for Abby, it didn’t faze her. She saw past Ellie’s immunity. For Abby, there were so many uniquely fascinating and charming qualities to Ellie, it was hard to see her as just a vessel for a cure. Most of the Fireflies -at least the higher ups- seemed to view Ellie as just that: fragile goods that needed to be stored and secured for future usage. If it was completely left up to them, Ellie may stay in this building forever and she would just waste away. It didn't help that Ellie seemed to have tied her entire self-worth to her immunity. She will choose to endure whatever the Fireflies do to her, in order to fulfill her "purpose."

Abby thinks back to earlier in the day when she visited the admin office after her morning grocery shopping. By now, she had become a regular there, and even the senior officers have taken notice of her.

“Look what you’re doing to her! Get her out of there NOW! She’s a fuckin’ human being!” Abby shouted at the clueless workers in the office.

She figured that if she created enough noise, it might motivate them to get their shit together. It was the only thing she could do under these circumstances.

Abby takes a sip from her jar to drown out her thoughts. The movement casts a shadow on Ellie’s face. Ellie looks up at Abby’s arm and notices a patch of red near the wrist. Abby’s body was a showcase for all kinds of wounds and scars, but this one looked fresh.

“Did you burn yourself?” Ellie asks with furrowed brows as she reaches up and touches the spot on her arm.

“Oh…yeah, I had a little accident.” Abby answers quickly.

Ellie keeps her hand on Abby’s arm and doesn’t say anything. She stares at the burn.

Anxious if Ellie would ask any follow-up questions, Abby begins to move her arm away when Ellie gently tugs on it and brings it closer to her face.

She presses her lips on the burn.

The unexpected move makes Abby take in a sharp breath. It’s not just the action itself but the surprising softness of how Ellie’s lips feel on her skin.

But just as soon as it started, Ellie lets go and Abby brings her arm back up again. She looks at Ellie and sees a pair of entranced eyes staring back at her.

Did that really just happen right now? With her head spinning, Abby has a hard time determining if it was real or imagined.

She can feel her heart racing, but at the same time, there is a sense of comfort. It felt natural to be with Ellie like this. Having Ellie rest her head on her lap and feeling her warmth in complete silence made Abby feel at home. And the tender way Ellie kissed her burn seemed to melt away her worries.

As if to return Ellie’s affectionate gesture, Abby resumes stroking Ellie’s hair. Back in Jackson it looked coarse and frayed, but since then it has regained some of its shine. The locks of reddish hair curled itself around Abby’s fingers.

She stays with Ellie a little longer than usual. They enjoy each other’s presence in comfortable silence.

The canteen is crowded that night.

Abby halfheartedly scrapes the last of her food off her plate as she thinks back to her strangely peaceful time with Ellie. She touches the burn on her arm.

The group behind her burst out in to laughter which takes Abby out of her thoughts. She’s about to pick up her plate and leave when the group’s gossiping makes her stop and listen.

“I heard she was at the office again. Causing quite the scene.” A man says.

“Yeah, thankfully I didn’t have to deal with it. My boss got a full dose of her rage though.” Responds a woman.

“Man, that sounds like a shitty day at the office. No offense, but I’m glad I don’t work there.”

“Well this isn’t like a common thing, you know? We’ve never had to deal with something like this.”

“She’s the first, huh. Why’s she so worked up?”

“Max told me they knew each other from before.”

“I see. And what’s so special about this Jackson woman that she gets to stay at the Hammerhead?”

“I dunno. All I know is she needs to be monitored.”

“Like a lab animal. Must be tough, even at a five-star hotel.”

“Yeah, so Abby visits her every day, bringing her stuff and staying with her. She even makes sure she eats and stays healthy.”

“Woah. What is she, her pet or something? Does she get off from that?” The man says as he laughs.

Abby slams down on the steel table with both her hands as she stands up, making the plate on the table clatter.

The groups surrounding her, including the gossipers, fall silent. Abby can feel their eyes on her.

White hot rage surges up her chest. Her fists are clenched tightly as if she is trying hard to restrain herself.

Then Lev’s face flashes across her mind. That day in the theater, he stopped Abby from taking the life of the person Ellie cared for dearly. He saved not just the girl on the ground but Abby as well. She was this close to crossing the line. Now that he wasn’t there to stop her, the only person that stood between her and her dark half was herself.

She takes a deep breath to regain control of her rapidly beating heart.

I’m not letting you take over again.

She tells the past version of herself.

Abby does not point her scowling face towards the group behind her as she does not know if she can maintain her calm if she saw them. Instead, she glares towards the exit, mapping out her path to it. She sees a figure by the doors, looking at her. It’s Liz.

Abby takes her plate and swiftly moves towards the exit. She drops off the plate and utensils at the tray return cart and goes over to Liz.

“Hey.” Abby greets her, trying to sound casual.

“Wanna talk?” Liz asks.

“Sure.” Abby answers and they head outside.

The cool night air licks Abby’s bare skin as she stands in front of the bulletin board outside of the canteen. She can see in her peripheral that there are postings for missions, but she tries not to look at them. Instead, she directs her attention to Liz.

“Got any news for me?” Abby asks her.

“Well, I started this new plant-based diet that’s doing wonders for my…”

“Liz.” Abby stops her and gives her a hard stare.

Liz shrugs her shoulders.

“Ellie is physically in good shape. She has some anxiety issues but that’s to be expected.” She tells Abby in a flat tone.

“So why is she still locked up?” Abby asks with a snarl.

“I don’t decide that. You probably know more than I do from your daily visit to the office.”

Abby grinds her teeth.

“What are you giving her? She seems out of it. Are the medications right for her?” She asks, now sounding more worried.

“Same stuff I’m giving to Julia.” Liz answers.

Hearing Julia’s name makes Abby momentarily forget everything. She is shocked Julia was absent from her thoughts until her name was mentioned, and now Abby is suddenly overcome with worry. Abby remembers how ghastly she looked last time she saw her.

“…how is she?” Abby asks hesitantly. She’s not sure if she wants to hear it.

Liz scoffs.

“You didn’t even think about her until now, did you?”

Abby looks down awkwardly.

“You see Abby, I have to look after everyone on this island. Not just Ellie.” Liz says.

Abby should know this. Her dad sacrificed almost all of his time looking after his Firefly comrades. He served his community, his people. He served for the greater good.

A sickening sensation creeps in to Abby’s gut.

“Anyways, she’s recovered enough to talk but has some long-term symptoms she may never fully recover from. One of which is memory loss. She doesn’t remember what exactly happened. Probably from trauma.” Liz says, somberness entering her voice.

This news disturbs Abby. What if Lev has suffered a similar fate? She shakes her head as she realizes that hearing about this will only add fuel to her nightmares. It didn’t help.

“Whatever it is you guys encountered in the woods…it’s unimaginably powerful.” Liz says, pensively.

She notices Abby frowning.

“Are you alright?” Liz asks.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Abby answers quickly.

She changes her demeanor and faces Liz with a less serious expression.

“Hey…can I borrow your kitchen again?” She asks.

Liz gives Abby a warm smile.

“Practice makes perfect, right?” She says to Abby with a wink.

Abby smiles back.

They head off to Liz's house.

High tide surrounds Catalina Island. The gentle crashing of waves against the cliffs and harbors could be heard all over. The sun is beginning to drop below the horizon.

Abby anxiously navigates her way towards the hotel where Ellie is. By now she knows the route by heart and she doesn’t even need to think about it: her legs automatically take her to her destination. Her pace is fast.

The soldiers at the reception desk don’t even stand up. They just acknowledge her with a nod and let her through. Abby rushes past them.

She catches her breath and tries to calm herself in front of room 603, but can barely contain her excitement. After taking one last deep breath, she brings her hand up and knocks on the door three times.

It opens almost immediately and a smiling face appears behind it. Abby is relieved to see her relatively stable today. She never knew what state Ellie would be in whenever the door opened, and it always made her nervous.

“Hey.” Ellie greets her first.

“Hey. Can I come in?” Abby asks.

Ellie gestures towards the room and Abby walks inside briskly.

“You look happy.” Ellie says as she closes the door.

“I got some big news today.” Abby tells her.

“You pregnant?” Ellie asks while half-laughing.

“What?” Abby is momentarily taken aback by the unexpected response.

“Sorry, bad joke.” Ellie says. “So what’s up?”

Abby stands in the middle of the room, faces Ellie and spreads her arms.

“You’re getting out of here, Ellie!” She says, triumphantly.

Ellie’s eyes widen and her mouth hangs open.

“You convinced them? How?” She asks, amazed at Abby’s accomplishment.

“With my charm, of course.” Abby says and puts her hands on her hips.

Ellie rolls her eyes.

“Yeah I know you’re charming as fuck, but that’s not gonna work on everyone.”

“It worked on you, didn’t it?” Abby grins.

Ellie couldn’t believe this flirtatious attitude coming from Abby. She was almost a different person today. Ellie narrows her eyes and gives Abby a skeptical look.

“Come on Ellie, let’s just enjoy this.” Abby says in a gentle tone.

In reality, Abby had made a deal.

“I’ll supervise her. I’ll personally make sure she’ll stay safe. I think I already proved I’m capable of doing that. And willing.”

She told the senior officers. It meant that anything Ellie did or anything that happens to her would be Abby’s responsibility. And she was ready to take on that commitment. But she thought Ellie might not be ready to hear it yet. The conversation she overheard in the canteen resurfaces in her head.

“What is she, her pet or something?”

Abby clenches her fists in her pockets.

“Okay. So you worked your magic…Well, thanks Abby.” Ellie says calmly with a smile.

Satisfied, Abby smiles back. She walks over to the desk and brings her backpack down on the chair.

“I got something for you." Abby says while sticking her hand in to the backpack. "To celebrate.”

She produces a white cloth bag.

The moment it is out in the open, a sweet aroma envelopes them.

“Whatever it is, it smells fuckin’ amazing.” Ellie says, her eyes sparkling. It almost looks like she’s about to start drooling.

Abby is encouraged by that reaction. A part of her was still nervous whether Ellie would like what was in the bag, even though Abby had been trying for days to get it right. She doesn’t remember the last time she has put in this much care and effort in to something creative; something non-destructive.

“I’ll make some for you.”

She had promised Lev. So she kept thinking of him when she prepared this gift. She thought hard about how he would’ve liked it and tried to cater to his tastes. She even imagined how he would’ve reacted once he received it.

It took several tries, but Abby finally got something that she was happy with. She touches the burn on her arm unconsciously.

Abby takes the items out of the cloth bag and places them on a plate she had also taken out of her backpack, and sets the plate down on the desk.

As Ellie walks over to it, Abby moves out of her way to present her gift.

Ellie stops in her tracks. Her smile fades.

“Magic donut…” She mutters under her breath.

An image of a smiling Dina baking her signature bread in the kitchen flashes across Ellie’s mind.

Noticing the sudden change in Ellie’s mood but not understanding the reason behind it, Abby anxiously gives an explanation, hoping it will somehow help.

“I remembered you talking about it when we camped at the village so…”

Snapping out of her daze, Ellie tries awkwardly to bring back her smile. It comes out unnatural.

“…you remembered.” She says quietly.

“Yeah.” Abby answers just as quietly.

Ellie vaguely recalls their conversation from when they surrounded the campfire. Her memory of it was a little fuzzy and it started to hurt her head trying to remember. As she struggled with remembering, Abby’s words from that night gradually come into focus out of the cloudy haze of pain and incomplete memories. She said she’ll try making them herself. Ellie realizes that these aren’t store-bought but instead they are Abby’s own homemade bagels. The revelation fills her with a warm feeling. It was the kind of tenderness she had almost forgotten about.

She cautiously reaches over and takes one in her hand. It is faintly warm to the touch. Abby must’ve brought them over in a hurry, right after baking them.

The plain, unadorned bread is golden brown in color and gives off a sheen under the dwindling light coming in from the window. Lumpy and misshapen, it’s nowhere near as aesthetically pleasing as the ones Dina used to make for Ellie, but there was something endearing about it, and the smell was irresistibly enticing.

Abby stares at Ellie with bated breath as she brings the bagel to her mouth.

The moment her teeth dig into its soft surface, Ellie’s tongue is covered in warm sweetness and the aroma fills her nose and mouth, overtaking her senses. She is pleasantly surprised by the gentle and natural flavor paired with the wonderfully fluffy texture. She bites off a piece. More and more of the sweet bready flavor gets released in her mouth as she chews. Before even swallowing, she goes for another bite. It was addictive.

But then, she feels something start to well up from her chest and push upwards.

She stops eating.

What the…?

Her lips start to quiver and her nose tingles.

No. Stop.

But she can’t help it. A single tear falls from her eye and rolls down her cheek. It is followed by another one. Soon, she can’t stop her tears from flowing freely and she can’t stop the pain spreading across her chest.

She made this for you. Don’t ruin it.

Ellie tells herself desperately. And yet, the pain in her chest keeps growing.

She has realized who Abby made this for. It wasn’t just for her. It was just as much a gift for him as it was a gift for her. And it was tormenting Ellie.

Oh god, she loved him so much. Ellie thinks.

How was it possible for Abby to infuse so much of her raw emotion in to this bread? She can taste all of the painful love and sorrow that went in to it.

It was the most heartbreaking flavor she had ever tasted.

She realizes she is crying with a mouthful of food. She tries to swallow but it is impossible because she is choking up. She forces it down and she can feel the lump of food travel down her throat.

Overwhelmed, Ellie lets out a small groan.

She can’t finish it. It’s too much. It’s too painful. It hurts her.

Abby had grabbed Ellie’s shoulders and was looking at her with serious concern.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She asks Ellie and holds her face in her hands. Ellie pulls her face down to avoid eye-contact. Abby cannot see her expression.

“I…I can’t…” Ellie manages to squeeze those words out and puts the half-eaten bagel down on the plate.

Consumed by the numbingly powerful waves of pain and sorrow, Ellie’s mind was in a complete mess, but out of the turbulent sea of emotions, a thought floats to the surface.

I know this feeling…

The painful love Abby expressed through her food felt familiar to Ellie.

It revives her memory of the people in her life that made her feel loved.

She remembers Riley giving up her determination to join the Fireflies and choosing to stay with Ellie.

She remembers Dina telling her she will go anywhere Ellie goes, even following her in to unknown danger.

She remembers Joel…she remembers everything Joel did that was an expression of love.

And then it hits Ellie.

“Why…” Ellie says in a hoarse voice so quiet that Abby cannot hear her properly.

“Yeah? What is it, Ellie?” Abby asks, leaning in closer to her.

“…the people who love me…” Ellie says slightly louder, but her voice is trembling.

She looks up and Abby gasps. Her face is full of utter anguish and it makes Abby’s chest tighten immediately.

“…why do they all have to die?”

Abby stares at Ellie in stunned silence. It takes a moment for her words to sink in.

She embraces Ellie. She holds her skinny body as tightly as she can. Ellie’s skin is burning hot as if she was running a fever and it stings Abby’s skin.

“I don’t know…I don’t…I…I wish I knew Ellie…I don’t have an answer for that.” Abby forces her words out through sobs.

And then she says in a tearful whisper.

“But I’m here for you.”

It makes Ellie cry even more.

They both weep in each other’s arms for a long while.

The bagels are left untouched as they slowly lose their warmth.

Chapter Text

The infinitely deep blue sea stretches all the way out into the distance, its rough texture a contrast to the smooth sky. Massive clouds create a mountain range in the horizon, reflecting the bright sunlight and shining white.

At the south coast of the island, gentle waves continuously lap against the concrete dock, its repetitive sounds intercut with the occasional cries of seagulls. The unused dock has neither boats nor humans present, except for a lone figure.

Ellie sits at the empty dock, her feat dangling off the edge above the calm water. She looks out into the vast open space before her and breathes in the fresh air. The ocean breeze blows her hair over her face. It had grown to shoulder-length, the sharp end of the strands sticking outward like a broom. She takes a hair band out of her cargo pants pocket and ties her hair at the back.

As she turns her gaze upwards toward the thin long clouds floating peacefully in the bright sky, a song pops up in her head. She opens her mouth and the lyrics start to flow out naturally.

All I want in life's a little bit of love

To take the pain away

Getting strong today

A giant step each day

Strangely, she doesn’t quite remember when and where she heard the song. Yet, the words spill out without any struggle. As she sings, someone approaches from behind. She doesn’t notice and continues.

I will love you 'til I die

And I will love you all the time

So please put your sweet hand in mine

And float in space and drift in time

All my time until I die

We'll float in space, just you and I

Abby stands at a distance, under the shade of a boathouse, holding a glass bottle in each of her hands. She knew Ellie would be here. They agreed to share where either of them were going whenever they left their respective rooms. Abby expected the idea to be rejected, but to her surprise, Ellie did not object.

She decides not to disturb and instead listen. Hearing her sing felt like discovering an entirely different person in Ellie.

It certainly wasn’t the most melodic tune, but Ellie’s unexpectedly tender and delicate singing voice took on a completely different quality than her usual speaking one, which enthralled Abby.

Life don't get stranger than this

It is what it is

And I don't know where we are all going to

Everything happens today

And we're out here in space

And I don't know where we are all going to

Ellie trails off, going in to a low hum. Abby decides it’s a good time to approach her. As Ellie notices her footsteps and turns around, Abby brings up the bottles in her hands to show what she brought for the both of them, then takes a seat beside her.

“Were you listening?” Ellie asks, looking at Abby nervously.

“Yeah.” Abby answers, with a hint of guilt in her voice.

Ellie looks away towards the sea. “That’s embarrassing.”

“Don’t be. You’re really good.” Abby quickly responds with such earnestness that Ellie doesn’t know how to react, leaving her feeling awkward.

“What’s that you got there?” Ellie asks, forcibly changing the topic.

Abby uncaps one of the bottles with her knife and hands it over to Ellie.

“The finest liquor the island has to offer.” She says in an exaggerated tone, emphasizing the word “finest.” She opens the other bottle for herself.

“Oh, is that so? You certainly seemed to have outdid yourself, Abby! Do tell, what is the name of this wonderful drink?” Ellie plays along.

“Uh, it’s called beer.” Abby answers bluntly.

They both snicker. Abby raises her bottle up and tilts it. Ellie clinks her bottle against it.

“Cheers.” Abby says and they both take a swig.

The cold liquid fizzes as it slides across Ellie’s tongue, releasing a grassy aroma and hazy sensation that fills her head. Numbness spreads over her mind like clouds covering up the sun. It was strangely liberating. It may be the first time she’s ever really enjoyed drinking.

She takes the bottle out of her mouth and takes a moment to relish in the pleasant buzz she's already got going, before she speaks up.

“It’s great being out here. Thanks for getting me out of that hotel prison.”

Abby shrugs and takes another swig.

Ellie drinks as well. The liquor makes her just loose enough to bring out a topic that neither of them had attempted to touch upon until now, whether because they haven’t had the chance to, or because they were unconsciously avoiding it.

“You know…I used to think you only take things away from people.”

Abby’s hand freezes mid-drink.

“But I learned something about you. You give. You give and you give and you give. You’ve probably been giving to others all your life.”

Ellie stares ahead into the far distance as she talks.

“Except that one time. That one time, you took him from me.”

Abby’s grip tightens around the bottle.

“And then I wanted to take from you. And we spiraled. We would’ve gone on until we had nothing left to take from each other.”

A single bead of sweat trickles down the side of Abby’s face. The sober part of her brain desperately tries to subdue the drunk part from blurting out about her dad.

She closes her eyes and calms herself.

Reason prevails and she decides to take a step towards understanding Ellie and the central figure in her early life.

“Can you…tell me about him? How you met him?” Abby asks gently.

Despite the non-threatening tone, Ellie looks at Abby with bewilderment.

After a few seconds of staring at her, she returns her gaze to the sea and slowly begins to tell Abby about her extraordinary life. About her trip across the country. The numerous encounters with survivors along the way. The devastating losses. How they got through all of it together as a duo and gradually formed a bond. And how they barely made it to the hospital in Salt Lake City. Hearing the last part in particular makes Abby’s gut twist.

After she’s done, a long silence follows.

“That’s…a lot.” Abby finally manages to say.

She never thought deeply about the kind of life her father’s murderer led before he committed his deed. In fact, she told herself she didn’t care whenever it crossed her mind. Now that she knew, it was a lot to take in.

Ellie sees how conflicted Abby is. That reaction may have given her satisfaction at one point in her life, but it only agitated her now. So she decides to reciprocate Abby’s interest in her life by doing the same.

“How’d you meet Lev?” She asks, realizing that she never thought to ask till now.

Abby’s face contorts at the mention of his name. She takes a deep breath and answers.

“He saved my life. He and his sister. They were running away from their group.”

Abby goes on to describe the hellscape she witnessed on the Seraphite’s island and how Yara was brutally gunned down.

“She was all he had left…and she was taken…so I tried to help him…and…” Her voice starts to falter and she trails off.

Ellie puts her hand on Abby’s shoulder. She can feel it tremble.

“I dream about him all the time...” Abby closes her eyes. Wrinkles form between her brows as she thinks hard about her next words.

“I’ve been thinking…maybe…I can join some of the Fireflies’ missions.” Abby says cautiously.

Ellie freezes. All of a sudden, the hand she placed on Abby’s shoulder starts to feel uncomfortably warm and prickly, as if she was touching an alien object. She retracts it awkwardly.

“I can reach out to the communities and maybe get a lead on where he is…or ask people to look out for him.” She doesn’t look at Ellie, fearing what she might see in her face.

Ellie can feel an invisible weight slowly pressing down on her chest and her heart straining under it. All the while, Abby keeps talking.

“I can’t taste the food I eat. It feels like I’m chewing on rubber. I keep waking up before sunrise, feeling guilty for not doing something. I…I gotta do something.” She stammers.

But Abby’s words are muffled behind the ringing in Ellie’s ears. In her head, an image of her journal had suddenly appeared, its pages fluttering loudly. The rapid movement comes to a violent halt as her mind lands on a single page with a single line on it.

She’s going to leave you. You’re going to be alone.

“Ellie?”

She snaps out of her thoughts to find Abby looking at her worriedly.

After a few seconds of eye-contact, Ellie brings the bottle up to her mouth and turns it upside down, emptying its contents in to her stomach.

She brings the bottle down. The pleasant buzz is now gone and her head hurts and she feels sick. She wishes she had her meds with her.

Ellie faces the calm sea in front of her and responds.

“I know how it feels.”

She had said the same thing back in the woods when the prospects of finding Lev was becoming devastatingly hopeless. Back then it comforted Abby and brought them closer together through their mutual sharing of grief.

But now, the same words rang hollow. Ellie's expression is blank and her eyes are unfocused. It almost seems as though her spirit had left her body.

She turns to Abby, lifting the corners of her mouth in a strained way.

“Yeah, you should go look for him.” She says.

Abby looks at Ellie and returns a nervous smile.

She fails to notice Ellie’s trembling hand curled up in to a white-knuckled fist.

The first mission Abby joins is a short one.

Yet, it felt agonizingly long for Ellie.

When she sent Abby off at the docks, she had to hide her three-fingered hand behind her back because she couldn’t stop it from shaking. She waved with her other hand, trying to act like she’s calm and normal.

Abby waved back.

Little did Abby know that the person she was waving goodbye to would not be the same person she would return to, as Ellie's mind would fracture bit by bit, each time Abby embarked on a mission. She would return to an Ellie that was more broken.

After the boat carrying the expedition team disappeared from view, Ellie hurried back to her room and popped a few pills in her mouth, downing it with the beer she had stashed in her dresser. She had formed a habit of drinking whenever she felt like she was about to burst. And since everything from Abby's absence to the never-ending tests by the Fireflies all stressed her out, she was binging constantly. It started off with a single bottle, but the quantity and frequency quickly built up.

The island’s most popular alcohol trader and beer brewer quickly took notice of his frequent customer. He greeted her warmly at first, then with concern because of the rate she was showing up in, and after he was told she’s an important asset to the Fireflies, he stopped talking to her altogether. He didn’t even ask for anything in return for the liquor. He just shoved the booze in Ellie’s hands and disappeared into his store.

Ellie hated the way people tiptoed around her like she was a landmine. She secretly wished someone would accidently step on her and set her off so she can let out all of her pent up frustration in a glorious explosion. She's glad she didn't need to carry around her weapons on the island to stay safe. They returned her backpack to her along with her weapons, but she shoved it in the closet, not knowing what she would end up doing with them while in her precarious state. When she buried her backpack in the depths of her closet, she noticed a dirty piece of cloth tied to the top handle of the backpack and wondered if it was always there. Her head hurt thinking about it.

She checks in at the hospital two times a week for the Fireflies to run their tests and also administer medication to her, sometimes in the form of an injection. Unlike Abby, Ellie did not completely distrust the Fireflies, but she kept wondering if the medications were helping her or if they were actually causing her mental condition to worsen.

Apart from that, she didn’t have much to do. They discouraged Ellie from taking part in any physically dangerous work on the island and she would rather die than cook at the canteen. She sauntered around aimlessly in the sparsely populated streets of midday Catalina Island like a ghost. Most of the time, she just stayed in her room.

She had been moved into the room that Lev used to occupy, partly due to its close proximity to Abby’s room. Even though Lev did not have any possessions of his own and therefore the room was practically empty, it still made Ellie somewhat uncomfortable to use it. And using his closet to store booze made her feel especially guilty.

Whenever she lay down on the bed, the walls seemed to stare at her in quiet judgment. The silence would become unbearable. She didn’t know if the paranoia came from her being under the influence or if it was just her. She was afraid to find out. So she got herself more drunk.

During these moments, she would write in her journal which helped her take her mind off of her worries to a certain degree, but she couldn’t entirely trust herself from not writing something that would haunt her later. And still, she wrote. Somehow, her pencil glided over the pages with more ease when she was drunk. Her short story kept growing, and it was no longer short but verging on novel length. 

The days without Abby pass by at a glacial pace, but at the same time, Ellie is surprised at how much time had actually passed when she returns. When Abby came back from her first mission, Ellie felt a tremendous wave of relief wash over her, greater than anything she could obtain from booze or drugs.

But then Abby would go on her next mission, and the wait would begin all over again.

Soon, she started showing up to the tests intoxicated. She just didn’t give a shit anymore. Liz didn’t appreciate this but knew better than to forcibly take away Ellie’s only coping method while Abby was gone. She gives Ellie advice to try a variety of activities to take her mind off her anxiety, but they fall on deaf ears.

Even then, Ellie makes sure she sobers up on the day when Abby’s expedition team is expected to return. Just imagining Abby’s expression when she finds out about all this made Ellie want to vomit.

But she was bound to slip up at some point. And sure enough, it happened.

It was late afternoon on a warm day and Ellie had already downed a half-dozen bottles of beer and was working on her seventh. There were no tests that day, but the new pills the doctor gave her the previous day were messing with her head. She sat at the dock, leaning against a pole, her head heavy.

“Where the fuck are you…” She mumbled to herself.

She can see a distorted reflection of herself in the moving water. She wonders if Abby would tell her she looked like shit or if she’ll be nice about it like she did before.

The repetitive sound of lapping waves lull her into a dreamy state and she starts nodding off, when a loud horn blast pierces her ears.

She looks up groggily and strains her eyes to focus on a silhouette in the horizon. A boat was headed this way. Fast.

“Oh shit…”

What day is it today?

She had completely lost track of time.

Ellie picks herself up clumsily and tries to hurry back to her room. She is swaying wildly and she almost falls over in a few places. The usually unchallenging path to her room felt like an impossibly difficult obstacle course. By the time she arrives at the door, she’s all sweaty and breathing heavily. Her head is spinning and she has to hold back the urge to throw up.

“Fuck…fuck!” She curses as she fumbles with the key.

Once inside, she frantically grabs the empty bottles scattered all over her room and throws them in the closet.

She grabs a pitcher full of water and starts pouring it in to her mouth when she hears the familiar footsteps in the hallway. Abby always comes to Ellie’s room first when she returns.

Ellie slaps her cheeks with her hands and shakes her head.

Focus.

She tells herself.

You need to fo-

Three knocks come from the door.

Ellie shambles over and stops. She takes a deep breath. She opens the door.

Abby stood there like a statue. She wore an uneasy smile. Ellie grabs her arm and pulls her into the room.

What the hell…?

Abby immediately picks up on the strange behavior. Ellie is woefully unaware of how obviously hammered she looks from a sober person.

As soon as Abby is in the room, Ellie hugs her from behind.

“Abbbyyyyyy! I missed you darling.” She says in an jokingly exaggerated manner while pressing her cheek against Abby’s back. Even from behind, Abby can tell Ellie reeked heavily of alcohol.

This extinguishes any shred of doubt she had about whether or not Ellie was drunk. Abby had noticed the slight difference in Ellie's behavior each time she returned from a mission, despite Ellie's efforts to try and hide it. But she simply thought it was all due to the Fireflies' tests and that it was temporary. And Ellie seemed to regain her energy after a few days of staying together after a mission. She had suspected Ellie might be drinking more than she used to, but it never occurred to her just how much she was drinking. Her current behavior suggested it was a lot.

“How much have you had to drink, Ellie?” Abby asks in a low voice.

“Pffft, what kind of question is that?” Ellie answers, slurring her words. She had given up on her pathetic attempt to hide her intoxicated state and instead decided on not being apologetic about it.

She goes over to her desk and pours a glass of water, using the pitcher she was gulping from earlier. She thrusts it in front of Abby’s concerned face.

“Here, you must be thirsty.”

The forcefulness of the action makes Abby take the glass, albeit hesitantly, but she does not take her eyes off Ellie.

It was true that Abby did want some water so she brings it to her mouth and starts drinking. While she does so, Ellie slips behind her and leans in close to her face. Hot breathy air tickles Abby’s ear.

“So…you gonna fuck me or what?” Ellie whispers in a seductive voice.

Abby chokes on the water she’s drinking and starts to cough violently, her body trying to expel the liquid out of her windpipe. She doubles over.

Ellie puts her hand on Abby’s back and rubs it, while letting out a half-laugh.

“Aw, you alright there? Was that too much for you?” She says, her voice tinged with sarcasm.

Abby gets up and takes a step away from Ellie, throwing a scowl in her direction.

“The fuck are you doing, Ellie? What is this?”

She immediately regrets taking such a harsh tone, but she couldn't hold it back.

Ellie puts her hands on her hips and looks at Abby with narrowed eyes as if she had just exposed Abby's true nature.

“Do I disappoint you Abby? Hmm?” She asks, sounding more composed now.

Abby does not answer.

“Do you regret helping me in Jackson?”

“Ellie, stop.” Abby puts her hand up. There is fear in her eyes.

Ellie scoffs.

“Whatever. Once they figure out how to get my immunity out and create a vaccine, it would all be worth it.”

Hearing her say this makes Abby wince as if she received a blow to her gut. But Ellie continues talking.

“They’ll probably give you a medal of honor or something. For bringing them the cure for mankind.”

Abby’s expression turns in to one of shock.

“Is that what you think of me…?” She asks, incredulously.

No. Abby knew Ellie didn’t really mean it. She’s just testing her so she can get a genuine reaction. What Ellie said was completely against what Abby stood for. What her dad stood for. Once again, Abby finds herself struggling not to bring up her dad. Perhaps one day she could tell Ellie-

“So who’s your dad?” Ellie asks bluntly.

It takes a few moments for Abby to comprehend what Ellie just said.

“…what?”

Ellie’s brows furrow.

“The door at the hotel isn’t as thick as you think, you know. I heard you talking to Liz.” She says in a serious tone.

Abby takes a deep breath before she calmly answers.

“He was a Firefly. That’s all you need to know.”

Ellie intensifies her glare.

“Why’d you ask her to keep quiet about him?”

Abby grimaces. She’s about to break under the liquor-fueled aggression shoved upon her. Even if she told Ellie the truth, it wasn’t going to solve anything in their current situation. She makes a sensible decision.

“You know what, let’s talk another time. I don’t think we can have a constructive conversation like this.” She says firmly.

Before waiting for an answer, she starts walking out the door.

Ellie almost lunges forward to grab her, but realizes she's in no state to try and wrestle with her.

“You’re hiding something from me, Abby! I know you are!” She shouts after Abby's back.

The door closes and the room is filled with silence.

Ellie glares at the door. The walls are mocking her again.

“Fuck you.” She mutters into the emptiness Abby left behind.

She stumbles on to her bed and crawls into a ball.

She feels sick. Her head has been banging the entire day, and now it is accompanied by an equally painful pressure in her chest. The painful sensation flows out continuously and washes over her like waves.

Ellie falls asleep, remembering the fleeting warmth from earlier when she hugged Abby.

Chapter Text

Abby grips the railing on the boat and looks sternly toward the steadily approaching dock on the island. Tiny specks of seawater splash up from the side, pelting her and making her skin sticky.

She grimaces.

The mission she was returning from was successful in terms of expanding the Fireflies’ network, but a failure in terms of advancing her search for Lev. She started this whole thing out of frustration and guilt over her inaction, but the lack of any tangible results only added to her anxiety.

She knew that the way she was going about it was too inefficient. The missions weren’t meant to be used as a search and rescue. Going to and back from communities one at a time was painfully slow and she could see herself going at it forever without ever coming across any leads.

If she were to really find him, she needed a better plan.

And she did have an idea. In fact, she had been slowly making preparations parallel to the missions. She wanted to be ready to execute the plan whenever she needed to.

But it came at a heavy price.

It caused her to check in less with Ellie, and to her dismay, made her blind to the gradual deterioration of Ellie’s physical and mental state.

Now with the constant worry for Ellie in the back of her mind, she can hardly keep her focus during the missions.

She blames herself for not picking up on the cues. Now that she thought about it, Ellie did seem to be more forgetful, more tired, more anxious and spaced-out every time she returned. If only she was more attentive. If only she tried to communicate more.

The regrets come endlessly.

As the boat nears the island and slows down, Abby glances at the dock, somehow hoping she might find Ellie waiting for her there.

Her hopes are shot down.

Of course, she thinks. Ellie would be in her room.

Abby gets off the boat, says a half-hearted farewell to her teammates, and heads off to her apartment building.

Ellie doesn’t bother staying sober for Abby’s return.

After Abby found out about her addiction and the confrontation that followed, it didn’t seem to matter anymore.

That’s what she told herself.

But in truth, it was because the thought of facing Abby without some liquor courage made her throat constrict and her heart do a wild dance in her chest.

She sits at the edge of her bed, bottle in hand, waiting for Abby to come. Numerous empty bottles of different shapes and sizes lay scattered on the desk and on top of her bed. A half-full pill bottle perilously hangs off the desk, a slight shake away from falling to the floor and spilling its contents.

Ellie can feel the room slowly shift around her like the surface of the ocean she likes to stare at when she’s at the docks. Every so often, a surge of nausea rises up from her gut as if she is seasick, and she has to close her eyes and take deep breathes to keep herself from hurling. She definitely did not want to welcome Abby to a room covered in filth.

She keeps taking deep breathes and tries to stop the room from swirling. It didn’t help that the Fireflies had given her yet another new medication that was wrecking her body. Even the simple act of breathing had become a strenuous task.

Eventually, she hears footsteps coming down the hallway.

Ellie opens her eyes.

She’s ready to tell Abby she’s okay. She might need some booze to help her function, but she hasn’t completely lost it. Yet. Abby can keep her secrets and Ellie wouldn’t pry. She’s ready to tell her all this.

But the knock doesn’t come.

Instead, she hears a door open and close a few rooms over.

Abby went straight to her own room. She’s never done that before.

It instantly brings up a tangled mess of emotions in Ellie. Why did she not come to Ellie’s room like she usually does? Is she angry at her? Is she fed up? Does it feel too awkward to talk to her now? All these thoughts swirl around in Ellie’s delirious mind.

Ellie gets up from the bed, opens the door and sticks her head out to check the hallway.

All clear.

Barefoot, she quietly walks over to Abby’s room, all the while not being entirely sure as to why she’s being so stealthy. She raises her hand to knock but stops at the last minute. Instead, she brings her hand down and searches her pocket for the keychain with two keys on it. She finds it.

They had given each other the key to their rooms. It was meant for emergency situations, but neither of them cared if the other came in at any time. Even so, Ellie had never used it before.

She takes one of the keys and slips it the keyhole slowly, her heart pounding in her chest.

The door opens which somehow surprises Ellie and also gives her an odd sense of gratification.

Once inside, she hears splashing water from the bathroom. Abby must be washing herself off, she thinks. This revelation relieves Ellie. It seemed to provide a legitimate reason for not visiting Ellie’s room first thing after coming back. It made it feel less like Abby was avoiding her.

Knowing how thorough Abby is with cleaning herself, she decides to wait.

Ellie glances at her surroundings. It was much more common for Abby to visit Ellie’s room rather than the other way around, so she had never really gotten a good look inside.

The curtains were closed and the light from outside gently illuminated the walls and furniture.

The place looked bare.

Abby never spent much time in it. Her mind and body were always out there, searching for Lev or spending time with Ellie.

Ellie spots the closet in the same location as her own room.

It immediately bothers her.

Despite telling herself earlier that she would not pry, she couldn’t help but feel like something might be hiding in there and she knew the thought would not stop nagging at her until she saw for herself what was behind its doors.

Her heart skips a beat and she holds her chest to calm it down. She walks over to the closet unsteadily and opens it without hesitation.

Out of all the normal things one would find in a closet, a worn jacket and a large hunting bow stick out to her immediately.

She touches the jacket to feel its texture. It brings about an almost nostalgic sensation. Her hand moves across its rough surface and stops at the end of the sleeve. She brings it up to her face and breathes in.

Abby’s scent had faded away and it just smelled like old leather.

She drops the sleeve.

After taking a brief glance at the bow, she quietly closes the closet and takes a seat at the edge of Abby’s bed.

With nothing else seemingly of interest to her, she bounces her legs in the air and nods along to a tune in her head, when something catches the corner of her eye.

She sees a pile of clothes carelessly thrown on top of the bed.

With no other article of clothing laid out in similar fashion in the rest of the room, Ellie assumes they’re what Abby was wearing up until she came back from her mission and disrobed to wash herself.

A grey tank top shirt poked out of the middle of the heap. It seemed to be damaged.

Ellie slowly reaches over and pinches the shirt with two fingers. She pulls it out of the pile until it’s completely revealed.

There was a slash in the abdomen area, surrounded by what looked like blood stain.

Ellie frowns at this.

Was Abby putting herself in danger out there? By now, Ellie knew her well enough to imagine her fighting off a horde of infected by herself, protecting her teammates. It was in her nature to look out for her people, regardless of how much she was personally attached to them. One of the many qualities of Abby that never ceases to impress her.

Ellie holds the shirt tightly in her chest.

As she does so, a familiar scent wafts up to her nose.

Her eyes widen.

With trembling hands, she gradually brings the shirt up and buries her face in it. She inhales deeply.

Her head is instantly filled with Abby’s scent. It reminded her of when she sat behind Abby on the horse when they were travelling across the snowy woods. It was both comforting and nauseating.

It was what she was longing for.

Ellie falls back onto the bed, pressing the shirt up against her face so strongly she was almost smothering herself. She was practically drowning in Abby.

But however potent the scent was, the initial hit eventually fades away and her senses become numb. She hates the way her intoxicated brain has already gotten used to the stimulus.

She wanted more. She needed to feel Abby closer, stronger.

Her left hand creeps down towards the edge of her cargo pants.

They keep venturing south and eventually slips under the waistband, making direct skin-on-skin contact. Her palm feels cold against her stomach. As her three fingers inch down, she becomes acutely aware of her galloping heart.

The fingers reach their destination.

As expected, she can feel the heat that had built up there, as well as the dampness. She applies a slight pressure and she feels a wave of pleasure spread across her entire body.

Her middle finger curl and trace the contours repeatedly, giving her wave after wave of almost paralyzing sensation, building up tension in her chest and her lower body. She can feel every part of her body becoming hyper-sensitive to her touch.

She can already feel the peak coming, and she desperately swims towards it.

Two of her three remaining fingers slide into her, each touching different spots, giving her multiple sources of stimulus. She spasms as she finds the spot she was looking for. A small, high-pitched sound escapes her mouth. She presses the shirt harder on her face to muffle it.

Her fingers continuously glide and rub her inside. The movement gradually becomes faster and stronger, shedding away whatever trepidation she had before.

She keeps climbing higher and higher up the wave until she reaches its crest and-

A soft door creak echoes across the room.

Ellie tears the shirt off her face and pulls her hand out of her pants in lightning speed.

She gets up and snaps her head towards the sound.

Abby is in front of the bathroom door, frozen to the spot, staring at Ellie with wide eyes. Her hair is wet and slicked back. She’s wearing a clean set of tank top and shorts.

A million thoughts race through Ellie’s fuzzy mind, but she lets her instinct take over. She jumps off of the bed and heads straight to the door.

But with the lingering effects of the booze and the medication and the throbbing sensation between her legs, her balance is unsteady, and she trips while passing by Abby who is still standing motionless.

Abby immediately reaches out and supports her, using one hand to hold her shoulder and the other grabbing her wrist. Ellie winces at the tightness of her grip.

Ellie turns toward Abby’s face with fear, expecting to witness utter disgust or fury.

But Abby isn’t looking at her. Abby, seemingly in a trance, is staring with unblinking eyes at the hand she is holding on to. Ellie slowly follows Abby’s gaze towards her own hand and realizes in horror what had caught her attention.

She sees two of her fingers glistening in the faint light.

Ellie feels heat spread across her cheeks. She tries to shake her hand away but it does not budge under Abby’s tight clutch.

Even worse, she senses her hand being dragged closer to Abby as if by gravitational pull.

Her heart pounds violently as she traces the movement of her hand progressively approaching Abby’s face.

She knows where it’s heading. It was on an unavoidable collision path.

Ellie feels warm air on her hand as she witnesses with wide eyes the moment Abby’s mouth opens and her two fingers disappear into it.

The instant they enter the warm cavern, a shot of electricity runs down her spine.

Abby gently sucks on them, rolling her tongue around each digit. She licks thoroughly, not missing any spot. Ellie can feel the soft, warm, wet tongue making complicated movements between her fingers like it has a mind of its own. She can feel her core regaining its heat from earlier and rubs her thighs together.

Overwhelmed by this unfamiliar, indescribable sensation, Ellie winces and lets out a whimper.

This reaction takes Abby out of her trance for a brief moment, in which she has a flashback to their brawl at the beach in Satana Barabara. Her teeth lightly graze across Ellie’s skin and the texture of it reminds her of when she bit into them, severing two digits from her hand.

Disturbed by this thought, Abby dislodges the fingers out of her mouth, leaving a string of saliva in the space between them. She loosens her grip on Ellie’s wrist.

Ellie uses this window of opportunity to snatch her hand out of Abby’s grasp and makes a dash for the door.

Before Abby can react, the door closes and there is no one but herself in the barren room.

She stands there, still as a statue, listening to the sound of unsteady footsteps rushing down the hallway.

All the while, she is conscious of Ellie’s taste lingering in her mouth.

A haze covers over everything, obscuring the view. Ellie doesn’t know where she is, just that she is lying down on her back. She shifts her body to the side and feels her cheek sink into the soft surface below. It has a perfectly balanced firmness that seemed to magically dissolve all of her headache and anxieties.

A hand begins to gently stroke her hair which makes her look up. She sees the contour of a round jawline, accompanied by a long lock of golden hair tumbling down over a broad chest that rhythmically moved in and out. She returns her head to the original position, enjoying the bounciness and warmth of the lap.

As she stares into the nothingness in front of her, she starts to hear humming from above. There’s tenderness in the tone which comforts Ellie. She closes her eyes and listens, letting the hypnotizing tune occupy her mind.

Perhaps she can finally rest.

Three loud knocks intrude her peace.

Ellie tries to open her eyes but she immediately shuts them because of a stinging sensation. She was no longer resting her head on a soft, warm lap. It was the familiar, uncomfortable pillow she's gotten used to.

A weak croaking sound escapes her dried out mouth.

She turns to her side and resumes her much-desired slumber.

The knocks repeat.

She opens her eyes again, this time forcing herself to keep them pried, even though they can’t focus on anything. Her arms feel incredibly weak and numb like they aren’t her own anymore, but with great effort she uses them to prop herself up.

Her head is the heaviest it’s ever been, threatening to fall off her shoulders if she didn’t consciously use her neck to keep it in place. A distant, muffled banging reverberated in there, sending continuous shockwaves of dull pain inside her skull.

There is an unusual rhythm in her chest that should alarm her, but she is in no state to think clearly.

She finally musters enough strength to slide off her bed and creep towards the door, her back arched like a bow. On her way, she glances at the desk where a stack of empty glass bottles stood side-by-side, not leaving an inch of space on the surface.

No use trying to hide them now, she thinks in her foggy head.

The pill bottle is on the floor, empty and lying on its side. She doesn’t remember when she’s taken them or how many she had in one sitting.

More knocking.

You’ve truly mastered the art of picking the worst time to show up, Abby.

Ellie thinks to herself as she approaches the door. She opens it right as Abby is about to knock again.

Abby stands there with her knuckle in midair. She is stunned by the ghastly sight in front of her.

“…holy shit…are you…okay?”

She realizes the answer was quite self-evident, given how frighteningly pale Ellie’s complexion was.

Ellie doesn’t acknowledge her question and turns around, heading back inside, somehow walking heavily and looking weightless at the same time. She seemed to slowly float across the room. Abby hesitates, but she decides to follow her, closing the door behind her.

“You could’ve just come in, you know. You have the key.” Ellie says in a raspy voice so faint and low that Abby couldn’t believe it was coming from the same person that drunkenly shouted at her not long ago.

“Hey, you sure you’re okay? Come on, sit down.” Abby says as she puts her hand on Ellie’s back.

Ellie flinches but hasn’t got the strength to escape from the contact. She takes a seat on the edge of her bed. Abby sits beside her.

After a few moments of silence, Abby speaks up.

“So…the other day…in my room…” she starts, choosing her words carefully as she proceeds.

Ellie looks away from Abby.

“I…understand you’re stressed out and…frustrated. And it’s natural to have…uhm…‘urges’. If you need any…help…just let me know…” She manages to say and then she trails off, not knowing where to go beyond that.

A painful grimace had fallen upon Ellie’s face, as if she was listening to nails being dragged across a chalkboard.

“God, do you have to make everything so incredibly awkward?” She says as she holds her head in her hand. The constant banging has been torturing her the whole time, and it only seemed to worsen by the minute.

“Haven’t you humiliated me enough?” She squeezes her words out in a strained effort, verbally shoving Abby away from her.

It may have even been better if Abby shunned her and treated her with contempt, maybe even threw a hateful word or two at her, she thinks to herself.

Ellie stands up abruptly, feeling way too uncomfortable sitting next to Abby. As soon as she does so, the world spins around her and she staggers forward, putting her hand on the desk to keep herself up. A cacophony of clinking sounds echo in the room as the empty bottles hit each other and fall to the floor. Ellie’s heart was chugging along at full speed like a steam locomotive with no brakes. She’s wrestling to keep it under control.

Abby rushes over to support her by her shoulders.

“What the fuck’s going on with you, Ellie? You need to get help.” She says desperately.

Shoulders heaving, Ellie looks at the messy desk in front of her with soulless eyes.

“I got this.” She says, stubbornly.

Abby can feel her blood boil.

“Are you gonna keep doing this? Let them put shit in your body?” She says in a serious tone, almost as if she is scolding Ellie.

Ellie winces at this.

“If it’s what it takes. It’s a worthy cause.” She answers.

“Cause...?” Abby repeats the word in disbelief.

“Don’t you get it...? There is no cause!”

Abby tightens her grip on Ellie’s shoulders.

“These people…they don’t know what they’re doing! These endless tests! They’re not going to amount to anything!” Her voice increases in volume and intensity.

“There is no grandiose world-saving plan or an epic tale of self-sacrifice waiting for you. It’s just an endless chain of disappointments and you’re going to waste away! Please Ellie, I’m begging you! Stop this nonsense.”

While she listens to Abby’s outburst, Ellie keeps her eyes fixated on the bottles.

“Can’t stop now…after all I’ve done…”

“…after all they’ve given…” She adds, but it comes out as a whisper and Abby cannot make out what she said.

“If they could make a cure out of me, it’ll give meaning to my life.” She says in a louder voice.

“My life would’ve fuckin’ mattered!”

She remembers yelling at Joel the day before he was taken from her by the very person holding her steady right now.

“My life would matter.” She repeats her words from the past, excavating the dust-covered motivation from under all the years of pain and defeat, like finding an old toy she had lost a long time ago in the sands at the beach.

By now it sounded like an overused, clichéd argument even to herself, but it was all she had.

“Matter to who?” Abby asks, shattering that frail motive to pieces.

“…what?” The unexpected question throws Ellie off.

Abby turns Ellie towards her. Ellie’s face is filled with confusion.

“Who would rather have you dead?”

Ellie stares, her eyes latched on to Abby’s.

“You know what? Whoever wishes you would give your life away for a cure could go fuck themselves.”

The statement shocks Ellie, bringing about an inexplicable feeling of turmoil within her.

“Fuck, Abby…what…what is this…?” Ellie says weakly, her voice trembling.

Abby doesn’t loosen her grip on Ellie’s shoulders. All of what she said had been brewing in her mind for months, while witnessing the Fireflies aimlessly go about their “missions” and gradually discovering the deterioration of Ellie’s mental state.

“You asked about my dad.”

Ellie takes in a sharp breath.

“He was the one…who was supposed to operate on you.” Abby says, as she looks into Ellie’s eyes. She talks steadily, but her voice is laced with tears.

Oh god…

Fear colors Ellie's eyes.

It didn’t entirely come as a surprise. Abby traveled all the way to Jackson to hunt for Joel. It couldn’t have been about the cure. Her rage felt far too personal for that.

And ever since Abby mentioned her dad at the hotel, Ellie was beginning to form a vague idea of who he was. She had a hunch he was one of the Fireflies at the hospital in Salt Lake City.

But she wasn’t expecting him to be the actual surgeon who held the scalpel that would have cut into her.

It sent a blow to her already churning stomach.

“Then why…” Ellie starts to ask, but doesn’t finish her question.

Abby answers, enunciating her words carefully, making sure they sank into Ellie.

“The only reason he was going to do it, is because he believed what the Fireflies were fighting for was right. He wanted nothing more than to help those in despair.”

That definitely sounds like her dad, Ellie thinks.

“But these people…what’s left of the Fireflies…they’re clueless…! They’re lost, Ellie. Lost!”

When lost in darkness, look for the light.

Ellie remembers the Fireflies’ slogan. It inspired hope in a desolate world. It brought people together. It kept them going. How terrifyingly it would be for those clinging on to that hope to find out that it had become false? The slogan just an empty phrase now.

Or was it always false from the beginning? Was the slogan just a recruitment tool for the Fireflies to build their army?

Riley chose her instead of the Fireflies.

What choice would she make?

She looks at Abby in front of her, taking notice of the way Abby’s eyes held a reflection of her in them.

“Don’t die for their lost cause…!” Abby says, almost as a plea.

Then she shifts to a much softer tone.

“He’s out there…we can go find him. Together. Let’s get out of here, Ellie. I have a plan.”

Ellie faces the floor, her body shaking. Both of them stand in silence for what feels like an eternity. Countless thoughts surface and disappear chaotically in both of their minds. Neither of them can organize these thoughts into any coherent order.

Eventually, Ellie opens her mouth and speaks in a voice that sound like its coming out of a rusted pipe.

“I…I can’t. I need…this. I need to do this.” She struggles to get her words out. A drop of tear rolls down her face.

Abby throws her hands up, her sudden release almost making Ellie drop to the ground.

“Why Ellie! Why? Why do you get so caught up with one thing that you can’t think of anything else? Do you ever think about the consequences? You just go ahead and do it, don’t you? While the people around you have to deal with it! Fuckin' drives me NUTS!”

Now Abby is tearing up, her voice starting to crack and waver.

“This whole cure bullshit…look at what it’s doing to you! I…I can’t watch you suffer like this…”

She tries to gauge Ellie’s reaction, but it’s difficult with her face turned down and her expression not visible.

“I just want you to be okay, Ellie…!” Abby exclaims.

Upon hearing this, Ellie’s demeanor shifts. Her hands curl up into fists and she looks up at Abby, stabbing her with a furious glare.

“Well if you haven’t noticed already…I’m not ‘okay’. I’ve never been okay…!” Ellie says through gritted teeth. There is bass in her voice, and the contrast to her earlier speech is jarring.

Abby is taken aback for a moment by this reaction.

It was obvious Ellie was conflicted. On a surface level she was struggling to let go of the false promise of making a cure, but it seemed to be stemming from a fundamental fear rooted deep inside of her. Something Abby couldn’t quite put a finger on.

“What are you afraid of?” Abby asks. She moves closer to Ellie and gently places her hands on Ellie’s face.

“Tell me. We can do something about it...we can work it out together-”

Ellie shakes Abby’s hands off.

“I need closure, Abby!”

Abby freezes with her hands in the air, where they were holding Ellie’s face seconds ago.

“My life’s been a series of fuckin’ twists and turns! Just endless cliffhangers, one after the next! Like some stupid comic book!” Ellie shouts while waving her hands in the air wildly.

“I was supposed to die in that hospital! I was supposed to fix things with Joel! I was supposed to have a life with my family! And every time…every fuckin’ time…!”

She chokes up, unable to go on.

She can feel her heart rate elevate and stab her chest from the inside, over and over again. It hurt. There was something desperately wrong with the way it moved.

Through all the pain ravaging her body, she unleashes her rawest emotions. All laid bare for Abby to see.

“When do I get to rest…? When does my story end? I’m so fuckin’ tired of all this…I need this to end!”

Her agonizing cry echo across the empty room.

She takes a few moments to recover her breath before thrusting a question at Abby that hits her like a freight train.

“Can you give me that Abby…? Could you end it for me…?” She says shakily, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She steps closer.

Abby cannot find the words to respond. She takes a step back.

Ellie winces at this gesture. In reality it could mean any number of things, but in Ellie’s distressed mind, it’s interpreted as rejection.

She scoffs.

“What do you really want from me Abby? Do you get a kick out of messing with me...? Playing with my emotions?” She says, visibly hurt and confused.

And then her expression turns into one of shock and horror as if a new revelation had dawned upon her.

“Is this...about getting back at me…?”

Her entire body shakes uncontrollably.

“You...you planned this all along…!”

“This your idea of a payback? You SICK. TWISTED. FUCK!” She shouts at Abby.

Abby’s face contorts. Ellie was clearly not of the right mind and her accusations were absolutely ludicrous, but her words stung nonetheless. Even so, what Abby really feared wasn’t attacks directed at herself.

And as if Ellie had read her mind, she chooses to go a much darker path.

“You know what…? You should've just left me to die on that beach…or killed me when you had the chance.” Ellie says.

The hairs on Abby’s arms stand.

“Why don’t you do it right now? Kill me, like you wanted to so badly before. End it, Abby.” Ellie taunts her.

“Kill me right now!” She yells.

She advances, getting right up into Abby’s space.

“DO IT you fuckin’ coward!"

A loud crack rings throughout the room.

Ellie staggers back half a step and brings her trembling hand up to hold her cheek. Her pale skin had turned red there, blood drawn to the surface. She looks at Abby who’s staring at her with piercing eyes that are on the verge of tears.

“…I’d rather die…than kill you…!”

Abby’s words come out strained and unstable, but she says them with such strong conviction and unwavering sincerity, even the most hardened skeptic would believe her. It’s raw and it’s potent, and it completely overwhelms Ellie.

Ellie is reminded of how much her chest hurts as her heart jumps around irregularly. Her legs are about to give out, but she uses whatever strength she’s got left to surge forward, lunging towards Abby.

Instinctually, Abby stiffens her body, bracing for a strike.

But neither a punch nor a tackle land on Abby. Instead, Ellie closes the distance between them until Abby’s view is completely obstructed.

The next moment, Abby feels warm air on her upper lip. She realizes she’s staring directly into Ellie’s eyes. Those captivating eyes.

Her mouth moves along with Ellie’s, matching the way she opens and closes it. Abby shuts her eyes and lets the warm feeling spread out from her chest, quickly consuming her entire body.

Ellie can feel sparks go off in all corners of her numbed out mind, awakening sensations and memories she hasn’t felt in a long while. This is the strongest she has felt Abby, using all of her senses to perceive her. The surprisingly soft texture of her lips, her familiar scent intensified by their closeness, and even tasting that scent on her tongue at the same time…she tries to take it all in, but her heart and mind struggle to keep up and it starts to overflow.

She desperately holds on to Abby’s shoulders as if to confirm her existence, and anchor herself to that reality.

A haze starts to descend on Ellie’s consciousness. She tries as much as she could to keep herself grounded in the moment. She can hardly focus on Abby’s lips with the unhinged thumping in her chest. It’s beating impossibly fast, stabbing her from the inside, shooting sharp jabs of pain throughout her body.

Ellie tries to ignore it, but it’s screaming at her, demanding her to take notice of its strain.

The knocks on her chest are so violent and prominent, she can count every single one of them.

One,

Two,

Three,

Four…

And then it stops.

She abruptly releases her grasp on Abby and stumbles backwards, her hand clutching her chest. She gasps for air but cannot draw any in. The awful sensation of suffocation overrides her entire body, every cell panicking at once. Her vision dims and turns into a dark, blurry, unfocused mess as if someone smeared her eyes with mud.

Abby sees Ellie moving away from her, almost being taken away by an invisible force.

“Ellie…?” She says, not being able to comprehend the horror unfolding in front of her.

Ellie falls on her knees and subsequently collapses forward on the floor, scattering empty bottles in every direction in a hair-raising clatter.

“Ellie!”

Abby rushes over and drops to her knees at Ellie’s side.

Ellie’s mouth hung open and she was taking short violent gasps of air, making a dreadful sound.

“Ellie, this isn’t funny…what the fuck are you doing…?” Abby can’t stop her voice from shaking.

She lightly taps Ellie’s cheek and is shocked at the cold touch of her skin.

Ellie takes one last large gasp and stops. Everything is disturbingly still.

Abby quickly places her fingers on Ellie’s neck, desperately trying to locate a pulse. She can’t find one. She presses her ear against Ellie’s chest and feels a faint beat, but it is far too weak, almost trying to hide away from Abby.

She turns to Ellie’s face. The lips that were full of blood mere moments ago when they touched Abby’s, were quickly losing their color.

Abby slumps over Ellie, covering her up and pressing up against her as if trying to transfer warmth and life into Ellie’s cold body.

“Please don’t do this…please don’t…please…” She begs at the thin, unmoving figure.

She moves her face close to Ellie’s and talks to her, but it feels like she’s trying to communicate to a lifeless mannequin.

“I…I can’t…I…need you…” Abby says while touching Ellie’s face with trembling fingers and brushing the stray hair off her forehead with both hands.

She looks up and sees the empty pill bottle on the floor.

“I gotta get Liz…I…” She tells herself in a dazed state, as she tries to get up.

But she is glued to the spot, unable to leave Ellie’s side.

She carefully slides her hand under Ellie’s head, feeling the sharp ends of each strand of hair sting her palm. Abby cradles it close to her chest and strokes her hair. She remembers how Ellie liked it when she did that.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” Abby sobs, her tears falling onto Ellie’s colorless cheeks.

She feels devastatingly helpless and alone.

“Please help her. She needs you.”

In her despair, Lev’s words return to her like a warm ray of sunlight shining through a dense forest canopy, as if reminding Abby of what she needs to do.

With determination, she puts her arms under Ellie and raises her limp body. It feels significantly lighter than when she carried her last time in Santa Barbara. Ellie’s flesh had slowly withered away and now her spirit seemed to be at the brink of vanishing into thin air, leaving nothing but an empty husk.

Abby pushes the door open and bursts out into the hallway. She hurries past the seemingly endless rows of doors and aims straight for the exit, gradually picking up her pace. Ellie’s head and legs flop around in her arms like a rag doll.

She doesn’t slow down. Her lungs start to ache and her arms start to burn soon after she leaves the building and stumbles into the blinding outdoors, but she doesn’t allow herself to stop. She keeps running.

Dark thoughts emerge in her head one after another like fungus sprouting after rain. Her legs move faster in an attempt to outrun them, terrified that they’ll catch up and take root.

With oxygen depleted from her system, lightheadedness begin to cloud her mind.

Strangely, she thinks back to the day she reunited with Ellie after arriving on the island.

In that dimly lit hotel room, when she was about to leave, Ellie had stopped her.

“Will you be back tomorrow?”

The image of Ellie alone in the room, looking at Abby with uncertainty, asking if they were going to see each other again, was burned into her memory, like a permanent scar.

Abby wheezes, trying her best not to collapse from exhaustion.

A desperate whisper escapes her lips in-between gasps for air.

“What have I done…?”

Chapter Text

Ellie is floating in space.

In every conceivable direction, countless shimmering points of various colors and brightness dot the terrifyingly deep void, while large swaths of it are covered up by curtains of magnificent celestial clouds, too massive to comprehend.

With nothing to orient herself, she lets herself weightlessly drift across the vast expanse, her body slowly rolling on its side, allowing herself to take in the 360-degree view surrounding her.

Everything seems so far away but with nothing to gauge the distance, it’s meaningless to even contemplate how far they are. She could float on forever and the stars still probably won’t appear any closer. Regardless, she is awestruck by the mind-bending spectacle sprawled out in front of her. The thrill of witnessing entire galaxies sends shivers down her spine.

It’s everything she had hoped to see as a kid, when she held on to her farfetched dream of one day becoming an astronaut and travelling up into space on a rocket ship.

It’s so peaceful up here.

She cannot recount the last time she’s felt this blissful, liberated from any pain or anxiety.

And yet, there’s something missing. There’s an emptiness inside of her.

Once she acknowledges that hollowness, the immense scale of her surroundings start to crush her soul, making her feel like an insignificant speck in the vastness of space and time.

She becomes acutely aware of how absolute the silence is. It wasn’t just quiet. Sound didn’t exist here. No nervous rustling of grass blades in the wind; no repetitive crashing of sea waves; no haunting echoes of clicking noises against concrete walls; and no gentle humming of a song to soothe her.

Ellie is truly alone.

Before panic and dread sets in, out of nowhere, muffled sounds boom across the universe.

They grow louder until Ellie is able to tell they’re voices.

All the stars and galaxies start to recede into the distance as if being sucked into a black hole, shrinking the entirety of space into a single black spot. Light shines through the darkness, peeling away the scenery.

Her eyelids crack open. A harsh, blinding light enters through them and stabs her eyes. She tries to raise her arm to shield her vision but fails to move even a single finger.

Unlike in space, she can definitely feel the weight of her body pressing down against the hard mattress she’s lying on.

She faintly makes out two figures standing next to her. One of them has their back turned to her, seemingly shouting at the other, waving their arms around fervently. Their movements are accompanied by something long bouncing behind their head, glinting gold under the cold fluorescent light.

Abby…?

As if she heard Ellie’s thoughts, Abby turns around and comes closer, peering into Ellie’s face. She holds Ellie’s hand and squeezes it.

There are no words, yet, the sight of Abby’s puffed up eyes and multiple lines of tears on her cheeks are enough to convey her distress.

Are you crying…?

She tries to vocalize, but it only comes out as a faint, raspy croak.

Fresh tears form at the corner of Abby’s eyes.

Don’t do that…don’t cry for me.

Ellie tries again to move her arm so she can reach up and wipe the tears away from Abby’s face, but it doesn’t budge.

I’m not worth it. Don’t waste your tears on me.

No, that’s not it. That’s not what she wanted to say. That’s not what Abby wants to hear. What she really meant was…

…it’s not your fault.

There, that’s it.

I did this to myself. Stop blaming yourself.

Ellie closes her eyes.

Maybe I can see Dina and JJ again.

She didn’t really believe that, but one could hope.

God, I’m so tired.

She releases a deep sigh and she starts to sink into the murky depths of nothingness.

The last thread of consciousness in Ellie’s mind cuts off and fades away as she hears Abby’s voice in the distance.

“…here…fo…you…”

After their brief moment witnessing Ellie wake from her coma, Abby and Liz leave the room.

Abby can’t quite get herself to physically detach from Ellie and even as they exit the room and walk down the hospital hallway, she feels as if a part of her mind remained in the room, by the bedside.

They reach the end of the hallway in a dimly lit area with a couple of broken down vending machines, weathered couches and a large window looking out towards the sea. Liz plops down on one of the couches. She had been looking after Ellie throughout the entire night, after Abby brought her limp body to Liz’s doorstep with a face as pale as death.

The sun was beginning to appear above the horizon.

Abby stands in front of the window, facing the sunrise, with her hands on her hips. The sunrays beam into the building, casting a strong orange light on her. The window offers a view to the dock where she shared a drink with Ellie, in what feels like a lifetime ago. Her eyes are fixed on the boathouse at the edge of the dock.

“I don’t know whether to hurt you or thank you.” She says in a low voice without looking back to face Liz.

“…the latter would be nice.” She responds. “Besides, I know you’re trying not to be that person anymore.” The one that tries to solve every problem with her fists.

Abby doesn’t react to that statement. Instead, she asks, “What were you doing to her?”

Tense silence fills the air. Liz stares at the unmoving figure in front of her, feeling the restrained rage pulsate outwards like waves. She takes a moment to try and formulate her response, careful not to say anything that might set Abby off.

“We confirmed that her Cordyceps infection had mutated, which is what makes her immune. It’s…the same conclusion your father reached.”

Abby doesn’t move a muscle.

“Since surgically removing the infection would kill her, we tried synthesizing a vaccine using her blood. We produced prototypes…and tested them on her...to monitor side effects.”

Liz keeps her eyes on Abby while she talks cautiously.

“…her reaction…it was…severe. The…infection…it’s an integral part of her…they are interdependent, a symbiotic relationship. Her body was reacting to the potential threat of eradicating the infection.”

It takes a great deal of effort for her to talk about it, and she takes a moment to compose herself before finishing her explanation.

"She needs the Cordyceps to live, Abby. Just as much as it needs her."

Abby shifts uneasily. She turns to face Liz.

“You were killing her.” She says coldly.

Backlit by the blinding sunlight, Abby’s face is shrouded in shadows, but Liz can sense the menacing glare pinning her to the couch.

“She…told us to keep going. To give her new versions of the vaccine…to increase the doses...”

Abby scoffs and walks over to the couch, taking a seat next to Liz. With the pressure on her seemingly lifted, Liz gives a small sigh of relief. She glances at the side of Abby’s face, noting her tired expression and long stare.

“What happened to the Fireflies…” Abby mumbles to herself.

Maybe we stopped looking for the light.

Owen’s words at the aquarium return to her.

Liz casts a melancholic gaze towards Abby. “…we need people like your father.”

“He wasn’t always right.” Abby answers without pause.

“Maybe not…but he was a good man. And he knew what really mattered.” Liz tells her with conviction.

It sends Abby back to her childhood when she gradually learned what kind of person her dad was, and in the process, soaked up his knowledge and values.

She recalls the time she and her dad came across a remote village in the Northwestern mountain range on one of the Firefly’s missions. The community had been shut in for months due to a severe snowstorm. When they arrived, the place was eerily quiet. There were signs of recent human activity, but not a soul could be found…until they eventually got to the church. All of them were there, in one big pile. Burnt to a crisp. Some retained much of their human features and it appeared as if they were missing parts of their body. The soft, easy-to-chew parts.

It was a depressingly common sight in this apocalyptic world, but not having encountered that insanity and brutality first hand yet, Abby had a hard time accepting it as reality.

That’s when her dad told her these things...happen. And that sometimes you just had to make a choice. It was especially important when you’re faced with a tough decision.

“Remember Abs, it’s easy to lose sight of what’s important when the going gets tough.”

One of his many wisdoms.

Abby lets out a deep, trembling sigh.

Liz bites her bottom lip. A crease forms between her brows.

“But…whether he developed a cure or we did, it’ll all be for nothing unless the infrastructure is restored.” She says.

Abby looks at her. She has an idea of what Liz was talking about, but she hadn’t put much thought into it until now.

“Making a cure doesn’t mean anything on its own. We need a way to distribute it as well as a way to manage the administration process. It's an incredibly intricate and resource-intensive operation even with a functioning government…without one...there might as well be no cure at all.”

Liz leans back on the couch and turns her gaze towards the ceiling.

“We hoped to establish a network across the country, but…you saw how that’s going.”

Having witnessed firsthand the slow-moving and often ineffectual missions, Abby knew very well they weren’t going anywhere.

“Maybe…we’re too far gone.” Abby says while deep in thought.

She looks out the window. The sun was already high up in the sky.

Liz frowns. She turns a concerned face towards Abby.

“Let’s focus on helping your friend.” She says as she stands up and stretches her back.

She starts to walk back the way they came from, but stops after a few steps. She turns around to face Abby who’s still slouched on the couch.

Her mouth opens and closes, trying several times and failing to find the right words to convey her thoughts, giving away her uncertainty of whether or not she should say what she is about to say.

Eventually, she convinces herself to speak up.

“This is just me talking personally from an unscientific standpoint…” She begins.

Abby looks up.

“…but seeing how her health deteriorated exponentially after you started to join the missions…I don’t know what was killing her more…the drugs fighting her infection…or her fear of losing you.”

Liz takes a moment to take in Abby’s reaction, then walks away, disappearing into the dark hallway.

Ellie’s apartment room had been left in a state of disarray, preserving the chaotic moments leading up to her collapse.

Abby stands in the middle of the mess, staring blankly at the empty bottles scattered on the floor. The room feels unfamiliar to her, the utter stillness a stark contrast to the last time she was there.

She crouches down and picks up a bottle, feeling its weight in her hand. She gently places it on the desk. Soon, she is picking up the other bottles one by one, lining them up neatly. In complete silence, Abby mechanically cleans the room. Somewhere in her mind, she feels the need to clean the place up for Ellie. It was still early in the day and she had plenty of time to complete the task.

After the floor is clear, she turns to the bed and spots a worn notebook near the pillow.

She’s noticed it many times whenever she visited Ellie during her “imprisonment” at the hotel and after she moved to this room. It was obvious Ellie poured her inner thoughts on to the pages within, and its contents intrigued Abby to no end, but she respected Ellie’s privacy.

Perhaps the absence of its owner gives Abby a perverse sense of encouragement, or perhaps the thought of spending an undetermined amount of time without feeling Ellie’s presence was too daunting. Whatever the reason, she finds herself gravitate towards the notebook –not just any notebook but Ellie’s personal journal– which was the only thing that would make Ellie feel tangible and real without her actually being there.

Abby takes it in her hand, feels the rough texture of its cover and cautiously turns it to reveal its mysteries.

Flipping through, it quickly becomes evident just how often Ellie recorded her thoughts. There weren’t many blank pages left.

The first half of the journal were mostly sketches of animals and people’s faces, but they are soon replaced by text covering each page from top to bottom, as she reaches the more recent entries.

They chronicled the effects of the tests the Fireflies were conducting on her.

More shots, more meds.

Head feels like a nail bomb.

Why’s it hurt so much?

Why doesn’t it go away?

Pain seemed to be a part of Ellie’s daily life and it persisted endlessly, regardless of what she was doing.

Today I climbed over the hill to get to the other side of the island. It was exhausting. It shouldn’t be.

There are people living on that side too.

I heard someone singing in their home.

When was the last time I heard someone sing?

I can’t remember.

My head still hurts.

And then Abby comes across entries that bring about an inexplicable feeling – like thick black tar oozing out from deep within her heart, slowly spreading out to her entire chest, choking and smothering her.

Do you think of me when you’re out there?

When you’re meeting survivors, talking with them, connecting with them?

Do I ever escape your thoughts?

She quickly moves past those parts.

One page catches her attention and she stops. It’s mostly blank with a single line in the middle that had been frantically crossed out.

Abby could only make out the last word, “alone.”

She frowns.

Whatever it was, it was apparently too disturbing for Ellie. Spooking yourself with your own thoughts and words. That sounded like hell.

Abby turns to the next page.

“Home” is scribbled and underlined at the top. It’s a title.

She realizes she’s stumbled upon a story. A long one, by the looks of it.

Unease creeps into her stomach and her instinct tells her not to read it, but at the same time she feels the need to do it. And she had plenty of time on her hands.

Taking a seat on the bed, her eyes immediately begin darting across the page, delving into the world that Ellie had created.

It follows the journey of a teenaged boy who leaves his home, departing with his mother, sister, friends, and the town that he grew up in, so he can search for his father who’s been drafted and sent to a faraway land to fight in a war.

His world wasn’t ravaged by a global plague, but it’s nevertheless an unforgiving place, and he encounters many obstacles along the way: raiders, traps, betrayal, tragedy, death…

In his travels he comes across a girl his age, an orphan lost in the world, who he befriends. The obstacles become considerably less challenging as they face them together, drawing them closer to each other in the process. They walk across the desolate landscape together, laugh together, eat together, fight together, spending every moment looking after each other, encouraging each other to go on.

By the time they reach the war-torn country where his father was, the two had become inseparable.

But to the boy’s distress, the brutality of war had taken a toll on his father and he was no longer the same person his family said farewell to years ago. He hardly recognized his own son, which particularly hurt the boy.

Yet, he tries desperately to convince his father to return home, to his family. The father refuses.

They argue and get into a dreadful fight.

The girl tries to step in and stop the two.

In the ensuing chaos, she is killed by the father.

The boy is devastated.

Plunged into a pit of despair and blinded by his rage and sorrow, he aims his gun at his father and-

Thump.

Abby closes the journal.

Sound hits her eardrums again as if the world around her had been on pause and it had just resumed.

It was getting dark outside.

How long has it been since she’s set foot in this room? Hours? Days? It honestly felt like she’s spent years in there.

She lets go of her white-knuckled clutch on the journal and places it by the pillow where she found it.

Abby gets up wearily and walks over to the door. She stops and turns around to take in the whole room. Her gaze moves form one side to the other, stopping at the journal on the bed.

“You’re always on my mind.” She says, and leaves.

Ellie opens her eyes, wincing at the sunlight shining through the curtains and reflecting off the white walls. The discomfort lets her know her sight had recovered somewhat. Her mind catches up to the stimulus and she’s reminded of where she is.

Oddly, she hasn’t dreamt much at all since she’s got here. It could be the sedatives, she thinks. Whatever the reason, it was actually a relief for her not having to worry about what terrible things her mind would conjure up when she was asleep.

Her ears pick up soft breathing from her side. She strains to move her head towards the source. Her unfocused eyes train on a blurry outline of a figure slumped over the side of her bed.

She instinctively tries to lift her arm and is surprised to find that she’s able to do so, although it’s stiff and feels like it weighs a ton. Trembling, her hand reaches over to the figure and rests on their head. With great effort, she rigidly moves her hand, stroking the sleeping head as gently as possible. Even though the movement is nowhere near delicate, it doesn’t wake them, revealing the degree of their fatigue.

She could almost feel the golden color through her palm.

You stayed with me…

The soft touch soothes her mind, and together with the repetitive breathing sound, they slowly lull her back to sleep.

A bone-chilling scream wakes her up.

Ellie gasps, her heart pounding. Her eyes dart across her limited field of view. It’s dark. Her sight slowly adjusts, using the dim illumination from the moonlight to perceive her surroundings. She moves her head a little to her side. There’s no one in the room. She must’ve slept for hours.

She hears a high-pitched shriek echo down the hallway outside, sounding like an otherworldly creature in agony, making her break out in cold sweat.

What the hell is that…?

It brings back memories of crouching on weed-infested grounds, hiding behind rotting furniture in a dilapidated building while killing her breath, or staring into the shadows beyond the trees while huddled by the fire in the woods at night. All familiar scenes seared into her brain. Her fingers twitch with muscle memory, automatically searching for the cold hard handle of her switchblade.

It’s the first time in a while she’s had to deal with the dreadful, stomach-churning sensation of anticipating an unknown threat lurking around the corner, ready to tear her apart.

But there couldn’t be any infected in the hospital, could there?

Don't let it be an outbreak…

Her mind races, going through all possibilities. Either way, she can’t do anything about it in her current state. It was as if one of her nightmares have come to life, punishing her for not dreaming lately.

The nerve-racking sound returns, but this time it’s in the form of spoken words, almost like a chant, increasing in loudness with every utterance.

“…ide!…ide!…”

Ellie can’t quite make out what they’re saying, but she is somewhat reassured by the revelation that they’re human. Still, the level of distress in their voice and their unhinged behavior was disturbing to say the least.

A patient…?

It wasn’t an unreasonable assumption.

Her ears almost hurt from focusing so much on listening, trying to determine the identity of the unknown individual.

There was something eerily familiar about the quality of their voice and the nervousness behind it.

But before she can figure it out, silence falls upon the room once again. The abruptness of it makes Ellie wonder if she was hallucinating.

With nothing to focus on any more, she’s overcome with a surge of drowsiness. She fights to maintain her alertness, but it’s a futile battle.

Before long, she’s dragged back down into the void where nothing exists.

Abby picks at her charred scrambled eggs, sitting alone at the canteen. She stares at the unappetizing meal blanky, her mind elsewhere.

Ellie’s hospitalization had affected her more than she could have ever imagined.

Not a day went by without stressing over Ellie’s condition, her every waking minute spent in torturous contemplation. Their last interaction lingered in her head, haunting her to no end. She mulls over Ellie’s words, thinking how she could have responded better, saying the right words that would’ve calmed her down instead of cornering her like an animal with its back against the wall.

Going over what happened in chronological order, she eventually reaches the moment that truly shook her to her core, the scene automatically replaying in her head in vivid detail.

Abby swallows the flavorless piece of food in her mouth.

The image of Ellie collapsing on the floor and gasping for air will forever be etched in her memories. Abby felt true fear right then, one that’s much stronger than the heart-pounding feeling when crawling across a makeshift bridge 40 stories above ground, or hearing a series of sharp whistles in the woods.

Yet, as shocking as that moment was, her mind kept going to the moment their lips touched. It had kept her awake at night on more than one occasion. She wasn’t allowed any time to think about it when it happened, but now, it occupied so much of her thoughts.

It brought about a raw throbbing sensation to her chest unlike anything else she’s felt in…she can’t even remember since when. Was there a time when she was a naïve young girl that fantasized and fretted over romantic feelings, like those carefree characters living in a normal, unbroken world in the books she’s read? Did she ever have that luxury? And was this -whatever it is she’s going through- even comparable to that? It felt different from what she had going with Owen. But then again, she isn't the same person anymore, so it made sense that it felt different.

Abby’s been putting a lot of thought into what she’ll say to Ellie once she fully recovers. Every possible combination of words went through her head, trying to find the right one. Nothing has ever felt this difficult. Facing down a group of clickers and choking them with her bare hands even seemed easier than this.

But of course, none of it would matter unless…

Will she recover…?

Abby shakes her head.

Restless now, she shifts on the bench.

Ellie’s condition may change at any minute, and the thought of not being by her side when that happens scared Abby. She had tried staying by Ellie’s bedside as long as she could, but eventually, she needed to return back to her own room and rest.

Abby gets up and makes her way toward the exit, shoving her mostly full plate on to the return cart on her way.

From the canteen, she heads straight to the hospital, all the while busily going over events of the past as well as her plans for the future.

Without being aware, she’s already walking down the hallway leading up to Ellie’s room. She passes a few Firefly soldiers and nurses, all absorbed in what they’re doing, completely oblivious to her presence.

She’s still deep in thought when she reaches the door, swinging it open without hesitation. The day’s itinerary plays through her head: she’ll stay with Ellie for a few ours, go talk to Liz, try to eat something, check out the docks and work on-

She stops dead in her tracks.

A thin figure stands in front of the bed, their back turned, blocking the sunlight coming in from the window, their hospital-gown-wearing silhouette shimmering at the edges in an almost ethereal way.

They turn around to face Abby who’s frozen to the spot with widened eyes and a half-opened mouth.

“Abby.” Ellie calls her with a gentle smile.

Abby’s mind goes blank. All the countless simulations she went through of talking to Ellie goes out the window.

“I’m…feeling much better now.” Ellie says, the fullness of her voice supporting her claim. Yet there is no denying that she is trying hard to sound positive so as not to betray her nervousness.

Concern takes over her face as she sees Abby not responding either physically or verbally.

“Look…I…fucked up…okay? I’m…sorry. I don’t expect you to-” She starts, but she’s unable to finish as she is suddenly enveloped by a comforting warmth.

“Whoa…hey hey…I said I’m okay…” Ellie says with a little laugh while her face is pressed up against Abby’s chest. She could almost feel Abby’s heartbeat reverberate inside of her, synchronizing with her own rhythm.

Abby tightens her embrace.

“He-…hey, easy! Easy there, big girl! You’re gonna break my back.” Ellie tells her jokingly, her tone giving away the smile on her face.

Instead of loosening her grip, Abby moves her hand to the back of Ellie’s head and holds it against her chest. Her fingers dig into the unkempt hair that had grown longer during the hospitalization.

After a few moments, Ellie hears the soft sounds of sniffling from above. She slowly brings her arms up and wraps them around Abby.

“You’re a big softie, aren’t you.” She says quietly while stroking Abby’s back.

Seeing that the crying isn’t going to stop, she turns her face closer to Abby’s ear and whispers, “…sorry I make you worry all the time…”

“No.” Abby manages to say between sobs.

“You don’t ‘make’ me worry. It’s just what I do, remember?”

“It’s okay. She’s just worried, that’s all. That’s what she does. You can’t do anything about that.”

Words from an unfamiliar conversation echo in Ellie’s head. She vaguely recalls saying something along those lines, but somehow she’s fuzzy on when and to whom she said it to.

She dismisses the thought. It doesn’t matter. What mattered was that Abby was accepting every bit of her right now and it felt like all the weight on her shoulders had lifted.

“Yeah, you’re right. That’s what you do.” She answers, and holds Abby closer.

Her senses are alive and hyper-focused. She can feel the warmth of the sun hitting her back, almost making it feel like she’s harnessing its power. She takes in a deep breath, filling her head and lungs with the sterile air in the room together with the familiar scent. Every little vibration coming out of Abby’s body is felt and she lets it resonate within her.

After the sobbing dies down, she talks into Abby’s chest.

“Let’s get outta here, Abby. I’m ready.”

She releases herself from the embrace and holds both of Abby’s hands in her own, feeling the rough texture and firm bounce of the palms with her thumbs. She brings her gaze upwards toward Abby’s face.

Abby looks into Ellie’s eyes, surprised at first and then enamored by how full of life they are.

She leans over, tilts her head to the side slightly and closes the distance between their faces.

Ellie shuts her eyes.

Abby gently pushes her lips on to Ellie’s, making slow, deliberate movements and fully taking in the moment unlike last time.

A small sigh escapes Ellie’s mouth in-between their passionate attempts to feel each other as close as possible.

Eventually, Abby calmly pulls away and brings her hand up to Ellie’s face, brushing a few stray strands of hair off her forehead.

She smiles and whispers her reply to Ellie.

“You look ready.”

Chapter Text

The engine explodes at the rear of the boat in a ball of fire, black smoke billowing up into the inky sky, and her gut tells her they’re not going back.

They’re being knocked around mercilessly by the powerful gusts blowing across the ocean surface, and the relentless rain and aggressive waves douse them ceaselessly. The old sailboat creaks and groans under the brutal beating it’s being subjected to.

Ellie…!

Abby makes an attempt to call to her but her voice is washed away in the cacophony of howling winds and crashing waves. She can’t even hear herself.

Unable to form any coherent thoughts amidst the chaos, the only thing she can do is hang on to the steering wheel for dear life, looking out at the figure standing on the front deck.

The figure looks out towards the turbulent sea, seemingly unfazed by the terrifying scenery surrounding her. Her auburn hair dances wildly in the storm almost as if it had a life of its own, but she stays motionless. She just stares out into the dark, her expression not visible.

Abby senses a massive presence to the right of the boat and turns her head to witness a tidal wave towering above them silently, ready to swallow them whole.

She tries to shout at Ellie but her mouth flaps uselessly without any sound coming out.

The wall of seawater smashes into the boat and covers everything in white, washing everything away.

After the water recedes, Abby is momentarily surprised to find that the boat is still afloat and she’s still alive, but she quickly regains her bearings and squints her eyes towards the front, desperately searching for the shape of a human.

There’s only emptiness where Ellie stood seconds ago.

Abby rushes out onto the deck and frantically scans across the black, writhing ocean, witnessing nothing but endless waves extending into the night.

And then she hears it amidst the storm.

“A…b…y…!”

Before she knows it, she’s vaulting over the side of the vessel, plunging into the turbulent waters, feet first.

She submerges beneath the boat, disappearing without a trace. The world underwater is oddly calm and slow-moving, oblivious of the violence above.

Abby is suddenly overcome with a sense of powerlessness. She finds her energy drain out of her body and dissolve into the saltwater.

Her body slowly sink towards the murky depths, down into the bottomless pit.

The last few breaths of air escape her mouth as tiny bubbles, carrying her last words to the surface.

Her vision fades together with her consciousness, leaving her with one final thought before everything goes dark…

…

Abby gasps for air as she lifts her head from the pillow.

It takes a minute for her to register her surroundings. Window, closet, clothes piled up on the floor…

I’m in my room.

She hears the faint sound of pencil on paper and turns her head to the side to find Ellie in the same bed, propped up against the headboard, writing intently in her journal.

“Bad dream?” Ellie asks while keeping her sights fixed on her journal, moving her hand busily across the open page.

Abby lets out a breath. She rests her head on the pillow and stares at Ellie.

As much as the harrowing dream tried to linger in her mind and occupy her thoughts, it’s gradually overtaken by the realization that she had spent the night with the woman in front of her.

Her body heats up, remembering how they hungrily searched in each other a deeper connection, desperately trying to satiate their desire to give and receive pleasure.

As she studies Ellie’s profile, warmth spreads across her bare chest. There was a captivating quality to the way she zeroed in on a task, sometimes with almost terrifying intensity.

Something nags Abby.

Ellie is entirely focused on her journal, transported into her own world. She’s somewhere far, not present in the moment.

Where’ve you gone?

Abby reaches over. She felt the need to bring her back and anchor her to this place and time, like catching a balloon restlessly bouncing around in the wind before it detaches from its string and flies away forever.

She grabs Ellie’s wrist, making her stop in the middle of a sentence.

“Whoa…”

Her attention finally diverts from her journal, turning her eyes towards Abby.

Tense silence follows. Abby is a deer caught in headlights. Her wide-eyed gaze pours over every detail on Ellie’s face, trying hard not to miss a single twitch of the mouth or a crease between her brows, any changes to her expression.

“You uh,…gonna let me go?” Ellie says with a hint of unease in her voice.

Abby forces herself to peel her eyes off Ellie.

“…yeah, sorry…” She mutters under her breath as she releases her clutch.

She clears her throat. “What were you writing?”

The response comes immediately.

“Can’t tell you.”

The bluntness of it takes Abby by surprise.

“What?” She blinks her eyes.

Ellie doesn’t elaborate and instead answers with a “mm-mm” accompanied by a shake of her head.

“Oh, come on!” Abby protests.

This prompts Ellie to give a timid shrug.

“I dunno…maybe I’m taking note of all the ways I can make you orgas…ow!”

Ellie rubs the side of her thigh where Abby punched her.

“Fuckin’ disgusting.”

Abby flops down on the pillow, looking up at the ceiling.

“What? You asked what I was writing! I’m actually kinda flattered, you know? I’ve never made anyone climax so many times…”

“Jesus.”

The way Ellie talked about last night like an excited kid messed with her head.

Without turning, Abby glances over at her now silent companion.

She notices Ellie had returned to writing in her journal while exuding an ever-so-slight air of disappointment. Abby isn’t quite sure since when she’s started to pick up on Ellie’s subtle mannerisms and mood changes, but it’s as if she could read her thoughts now.

“…I gotta admit…it probably was the best night I’ve ever had with someone…” Abby says quietly, not knowing if she wanted to be heard or not.

Ellie stops her hand and looks over at Abby.

“I like it when you’re honest.” She says with a smile.

There’s that smile again.

Abby can feel her face grow hotter as her heartrate elevates.

Ellie seems not to notice and continues.

“You read my story right?”

The query comes out of the blue and it makes Abby tense up. A barrage of questions flood through her mind in an instant.

How did she know? Does she care that Abby snuck a look at something so deeply personal to her? And why did she specifically ask about the story? The one that Abby couldn’t finish?

“I uhm…” She mumbles, unable to come up with a good response.

Before Abby could utter another word, Ellie changes the subject abruptly yet again.

“You know, I haven’t had this much time to think…maybe ever. I feel like I’ve always been on the road, always moving. Just reacting to whatever was happening. I never…stopped.”

Abby couldn’t figure out if Ellie moved on to a different topic because she felt bad for putting her on the spot or if she’s just having a strange restless energy going on this morning, making her more talkative than usual. Maybe there were still some things about Ellie she couldn’t quite understand yet. The thought frustrated her…and scared her.

As if oblivious to Abby’s anxieties, Ellie continues her erratic behavior, getting out of bed in one swift movement and heading straight towards the door. She’s already dressed, leaving a naked Abby in bed.

“Ellie…” Abby calls out to her reflexively.

Ellie stops and looks back at Abby.

Abby’s not sure why she stopped her.

“I’m gonna get my stuff.” Ellie explains, almost sounding like she’s trying to reassure her.

After a few moments of awkwardly attempting to speak, Abby finally gets her words out.

“You’ll be back, yeah?”

She is met with a flash of confused look, but Ellie quickly changes her expression to a softer one and responds gently.

“Of course.”

And then Abby is left on her own in her room.

“So, what’s the plan?”

The question is directed at a dazed Abby, over two plates of bacons and mashed potatoes.

“Abby?”

Ellie tilts her head to the side while trying to get a glimpse of Abby’s face pointing downwards at her mostly untouched food.

“Yeah, the plan…right.” Abby gives her head a little shake.

She casually glances around them, taking in the familiar view of the canteen. A few Fireflies had given them a weird look earlier when they came in, but no one seemed to be paying attention to them right now, all eating and chatting in their own circle.

Abby casts her gaze slightly off to the side of Ellie’s face as she starts to lay out her plan. Her voice is lowered.

“You know the abandoned dock at the South side of the island? The one behind the hospital?”

“The one where we had beer together.”

The corner of Abby’s mouth raises a little as she softens her expression.

“…yes, that one.”

She takes a sip of her coffee before continuing. Ellie wrinkles her nose at the scent of it, but Abby doesn’t mind her.

“Well, a few months back I found out the boathouse isn’t empty. Someone left their boat in it and it’s been sitting there for a while. The thing was in pretty bad shape, but I’ve been working on it, bit by bit.”

Ellie widens her eyes. “It’s our ticket out.”

“Exactly.”

Not that the Fireflies were strictly surveilling for people making an unauthorized exit out of the island, but Ellie was no ordinary resident. It may take forever for them to let her go, if not outright deny her departure.

“No one cares who goes in and out of that place, but just to make sure, we’ll pick a day with low visibility, for extra cover.”

Abby takes a breath and is about to go over the things they’ll need to prepare for the escape when she freezes, staring at Ellie.

“What?” Ellie asks, noticing the change in behavior.

With her mouth hung open, Abby takes a minute to process the thought that just hit her.

She realizes it’s been a while since she’s sat down and shared a meal with Ellie -or anyone else for that matter- without the constant worry for Ellie’s physical or mental safety. This was almost a normal lunch. When’s the last time she’s had one of those?

It was nice.

Why not take her mind off of all the gut-wrenching, heart-pounding business and savor this precious moment?

“Your hair.” She finally speaks.

“My hair?” Ellie’s confusion deepens, as she brings her hand up to touch her overgrown bangs.

“It’s gotten long.”

“Yeah well, if I couldn’t trust those assholes with a scalpel, I sure as hell won’t trust them to do a decent haircut.” Ellie answers jokingly.

“I like it.” Abby says with a smile.

She reaches over the table and touches Ellie’s hair, curling it around her fingers then moving her hand down to the side of her face, resting it there.

“…thanks.” The casual tone disappears and Ellie casts her gaze down somewhat sheepishly. She places her hand on top of Abby’s.

“Maybe I can give it a little trim later. You know, so I can actually see your face…if you trust me, that is.”

“Sure.”

Abby can feel the heat rise in Ellie’s cheek. She pulls her hand back.

She scoops up a portion of the mashed potatoes and eats it.

I don’t remember it ever tasting this good…

It might be the first time she’s actually enjoyed a meal in the canteen.

After that they go on to talk about food, music, life on the island in general…all the mundane and frivolous things one would take for granted in a normal world.

And just for a little while, Abby’s able to forget about everything else.

The route to the abandoned dock cut through the residential area, exposing the two of them to sunlit streets peppered with people going about their everyday lives: strolling, gossiping, buying food from merchants…

Ellie hurries forward, eager to reach their destination, while Abby falls behind, almost dragging her feet.

Abby jogs up next to Ellie and talks to her in a low voice.

“Hey, there’s no need to rush. Besides, we don’t want to stand out.”

Ellie shoots a glance at Abby, hardening her expression for a second, before giving a shrug and falling into pace.

They walk side-by-side, their shoulders much closer than ever before. Both of them are conscious of the way their hands brush up against each other every so often. Neither of them speak, the unspoken words filling up the air between them, creating an atmosphere so dense with their emotions, one could slice it with a knife.

Not being able to bear the silence any longer, Abby opens her mouth to break it by suggesting that they stop by some of the stores, maybe get something to drink, sit down and just talk. They can take it slow. The weather’s nice today.

But before she can make her proposal, she is mercilessly cut off by Ellie.

“So…Liz told me you carried me to the hospital.”

Abby just looks at her, not knowing what to say. She had locked away that memory in a dark corner of her mind, not wanting to relive the dreadful ordeal of feeling utterly hopeless and terrified. Terrified of losing her.

Unbeknownst to both of them, it closely echoed Ellie’s past when her unconscious body was carried out of a hospital in a desperate escape, cradled in the arms of someone who also cared about her dearly.

“Wish I was awake for that.” Ellie mumbles.

There was a certain sadness to her voice, a deep sorrow tinged with something that almost resembled regret, a tone that Abby couldn’t quite decipher.

“…could do it again, if you want.” She says without thinking.

Ellie gives her a weird look.

Abby shakes her head, hitting herself mentally for saying what she said.

“No, I mean…no. I didn’t mean to say…I just meant I can lift you up if you want to feel what that’s like.” She says, visibly flustered.

A short burst of air escapes Ellie’s nose followed by full on laughter.

“You’re great, Abby. You really are a gem. Yes, I would totally love to be carried in your arms like a baby.”

Abby’s face turns bright red.

“You know what, fuck you and your sarcasm. You can crawl to the hospital next time you have a seizure.”

“Hey, calm down. I didn’t say I wasn’t grateful for what you did.” Ellie pats Abby’s back, making her tense up for a second, but the touch seemed to ease her temper.

“In all honesty, I wouldn’t mind getting a lift though. I think I lost my strength lying in bed.” She says, this time with some earnestness.

Abby scoffs.

“That was an emergency. You’re perfectly capable of walking on your own now.”

Ellie faces away from Abby and mutters under her breath, “That’s not the point…”

Her voice is inaudible to Abby, but her slightly slumped shoulders communicate more than her words.

Spurred into action, Abby puts her arm around Ellie’s shoulder and brings her closer to her side, eliminating the distance between them completely.

“…thought you said we shouldn’t stand out…” Ellie whispers, self-conscious all of a sudden.

“I think we blend in perfectly. We look natural. Don’t we?” Abby turns a confident grin towards Ellie.

Ellie hangs her mouth open, unable to take her eyes off of Abby.

“I swear, you can charm the pants off of a clicker.” She manages to say after her mind starts working again, finally tearing her gaze away from Abby and back towards the path ahead of them.

A satisfying smile stretches across Abby’s face. She holds Ellie’s shoulder tighter.

They walk like that in complete silence until the urban landscape eventually recede behind them and the scenery is overtaken by a chaotic mess of wildlife with twisted trees, overgrown bushes and uneven dirt paths.

They’re just a stone’s throw away from the hospital and the abandoned docks beyond it, when Ellie jumps ahead in a surprisingly nimble manner, putting distance between them faster than Abby can register.

“He-, hey…wait up…” Abby calls out to her, after her mind recovers from a full second of going blank.

Ellie doesn’t heed her call. She trots up the path, almost reaching the shadowy area under the canopy of trees, which led the way into the small patch of woods behind the hospital.

Despite her claims of being weakened, she’s displaying a liveliness that can only come from a healthy and motivated person. There’s a bounce to her step that wasn’t present before, seemingly liberated from whatever was holding her back. She soared high, almost escaping Earth’s gravity, almost escaping Abby’s reach.

She was so much more alive. In every sense of the word.

Abby realizes her heart is pounding rapidly.

She’s going too fast, getting too far from her-

“Ellie…!” Abby shouts, laying bare all of her concern, her urgency, her fear.

Her exclamation finally makes Ellie slow down, but she doesn’t completely stop and she doesn’t turn around to face Abby.

Instead, she just answers with a half-hearted “hmm?”

A storm is raging inside of Abby. She struggles to keep her panicking mind under control and her constricted throat prevents her from sounding the way she wants to. Her words come out terribly stunted.

“Maybe…maybe we could…”

Lev’s face flashes in her head.

He stares at her with those eyes. Those calmly observant yet innocent eyes that communicate to others that he’s wise beyond his years.

He’s not accusing her. Just watching her.

Abby widens her own eyes.

Ellie stops, as if she somehow sensed that Abby wasn’t moving anymore, frozen to the spot. But she dares not look back at her to confirm.

“Let’s go fix that boat, Abby. It’s getting late.” She says, the statement coming out unnaturally smooth and emotionless.

Without waiting for a response, she continues to move forward.

Abby is left standing on her own, left alone with her thoughts swirling around in her head like a whirlpool.

Maybe we could...what?

What was she about to say just then?

Abby wasn’t sure herself.

But the moment was gone, and she knows she won’t be able to bring it up again.

Soft breathing echo across the moonlit room. A sliver of light softly shines through the window, illuminating the contour of Ellie’s body under the bed sheets, her back turned against Abby.

They’re back in the same place where they started the day off, lying in bed next to each other.

Abby stares at Ellie’s silent back. She’s having a hard time trying to comprehend how quickly the day went by, almost as a blur, making it feel like she had just been teleported to this moment, skipping everything that happened between morning and now.

She tries to recount what happened during the day in her head. It doesn’t take long to finish and she goes on to think about their time on the island so far.

She remembers how she embraced Ellie at the hospital, how they shared a drink at the docks, the way Ellie looked at her uncertainly and asked if they’ll see each other again after reuniting on the island…before she knows it, her mind is rewinding through various events in lightning speed, flipping through moments with Ellie, Lev, Yara, Owen, Mel…eventually the image freezes on a particular scene.

She takes in a sharp breath.

The version of herself in that scene is almost unrecognizable. Her face showed immense pain, contorted beyond recognition.

Blood runs down her arms in a thick stream, reaching her fists, then slowly dripping across a thin long object held tightly in her hands.

No…

Abby squeezes her eyes shut and forces the image out of her mind. She’s gone on for so long without thinking back to that day, that moment. It was devastating to find out that it still made her chest hurt and stomach weak.

She peels her eyes open, her breathing heavy.

She sees Ellie’s back.

“I never meant to hurt you.” Abby whispers at it.

Ellie turns on her side and faces her.

Abby’s heart stops.

Ellie is wide awake. They lock eyes.

Did she hear me…?

Seconds feel like minutes.

“Can’t sleep?” Abby finally finds the courage to speak up.

“Can you?” Ellie replies with a question.

Abby stares at Ellie, her expression tense.

She sees Ellie start to talk again and fears what may come out of her mouth.

“…tell me about…the missions you went on. Where you went…what you saw…what you did…” Ellie says, seemingly exerting a lot of effort in to choosing her words.

Abby is overcome with relief. She seemed not to have heard her confession.

But at the same time, Abby was in no mood to talk about the past.

“Maybe another day.” She says softly and places her hand on Ellie’s arm.

There was no rush to try and do everything today, as if there will be no tomorrow. She could prolong this moment if she tried hard enough.

“It feels strange…” Abby says almost unconsciously as she slides her hand across the length of Ellie’s arm.

“…that we ended up like this?” Ellie finishes her sentence.

Abby raises her brows in a momentary show of surprise, but she nods to acknowledge her.

She sees Ellie breathe steadily, her chest moving up and down in a slow rhythm. Her eyes turn away from Abby for a few seconds and then back up again, staring right at her. It takes Abby’s breath away. The way those eyes looked at her, it was like nothing else.

“You’re the only person left who understands me.”

The effect isn’t immediate. But as Ellie’s words sink in, Abby’s head begins to feel light and heat builds up around her chest where her heart pumps fast and violently.

She reaches up to touch Ellie’s face.

Do I really know her?

It was a thought that had been bothering her throughout the entire day.

“Look at you.” Abby says in a whispery tone, as she caresses Ellie’s cheek. She moves her hand down to her neck and then to her arm, tracing the badly healed wounds. “You’re scarred all over.”

“So are you.” Ellie responds calmly, not taking her eyes off Abby.

Abby gives a little laugh.

The scars are so numerous, she doesn’t even remember how she got some of them. But she does remember the ones left by Ellie.

She wonders if Ellie remembers how she got hers.

“What are you doing?” Ellie asks.

“Thinking about how these got here.” Abby answers while touching a dark red line on Ellie’s arm, the skin twisted and bumpy.

“You’re just gonna look?”

The question comes out of left field and Abby is left speechless.

The air between them shifts dramatically.

Abby can feel her heart pounding and she can almost hear Ellie’s doing the same.

The silence was becoming unbearably loud. Her mind races, desperately trying to cover it up, desperately trying to calm herself down.

Like an ancient machine coming back to life, Abby jerks into motion, stiffly moving her hand she has placed on Ellie’s arm, using it to tug and bring Ellie closer towards her.

The distance between them disappears.

Once they are in each other’s arms, any and all hesitations they may have had are gone.

The moonlight has weakened and the room is considerably darker.

Ellie has her back turned to Abby again, after the two of them thoroughly devoured each other until nothing was left.

There was a comfortable fatigue washing over Abby, but something made her not want to go to sleep, to not let the day end. She tries to tell herself there’s still going to be a tomorrow when she wakes.

She closes her eyes and imagines repeating a day like this over and over again, living out their lives peacefully until the both of them died of old age. Just a series of mundane, dull days. Waking beside Ellie every morning. That didn’t seem so bad.

Lev is watching her again.

Please. Please stop.

She begs as she feels her chest tighten.

Abby opens her dampened eyes and stares through her blurry vision at the thin body in front of her. She moves closer and wraps her arm around it, squeezing it strongly and carefully.

“…didn’t take you for the snuggling type.”

Abby hears her say.

“I…didn’t know either.”

Somehow, Ellie seemed to bring out a side of Abby that Abby herself never knew existed.

Beyond Ellie’s shoulder gently rising and falling, Abby sees the window to the room. She looks out of it and catches a glimpse of dark clouds gathering in the sky, letting thin rays of moonlight shine through them.

She hears soft rumbling somewhere in the distance, over the ocean.

She pretends not to hear it and snuggles closer to Ellie.

Ellie lets out a breath. “What do you think the weather’s gonna be like tomorrow?” she asks.

“I dunno.” I don’t want to know.

Enveloped by the warmth radiating from Ellie’s body, Abby can feel her eyelids getting heavier by the second, her mind quickly overtaken by numbness.

A few hours ago, she thought the night would last an eternity.

But deep down, she knows the inevitable truth. She's known it all along.

Everything comes to an end.