Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Evil Uno isn't sure switching from alcohol to pot is really what "sobriety" is supposed to look like. 

But at least a high cowboy is more pleasant to deal with than a drunk one. All lopsided, dopey smiles when Uno shows up to his room. 

"Hey, what's up! What're you doin' here?"

"You texted me ten times, Hanger," he sighs. He'd thought there was some kind of emergency. Ten times in five minutes, asking where he was, begging him to come to his room. He even said it was "UGET", which he assumed was an attempt to spell "URGENT".

There doesn't seem to be anything terribly urgent. Adam's sitting up against the headboard of his bed in a worn old t-shirt and comfy sweatpants. Spread out and cozy, with a bag of cheetos in his lap and a bubblegum pink bong on the nightstand. How the hell he manages to get that thing (Dolly. He named it Dolly.) past TSA time and time again is a mystery.

He wriggles over to the side and pats the bedspread next to himself, positively beaming .

"C'mere, movie time."

Well, at least it’s not a real emergency. 

Evil uno kicks his shoes off and joins his friend, leaving a respectful gap between them. A gap which is IMMEDIATELY crossed by Adam plastering himself to his side. Very cozy, indeed. Indiana Jones is already playing on TV, roughly a quarter of the way in. Can’t go wrong there. He’s tired and has a plane to catch in the morning– he’d really like to get back to his own room and go to bed, honestly– but he figures Adam will fall asleep before the end of the movie anyway. And besides, it’s not like it’s some horrible chore to hang out with him, even if he can’t hold a conversation when he’s smoking.

And on that note, he reaches for his bong and lighter again, sitting up a little straighter. The rip he takes is prodigious. Like a breath of fresh air. He holds it in without a problem, exhales slowly, and sighs happily. Evil Uno just kind of… Ignores it. Holds his breath until the smoke clears, doesn’t comment on it. He’s never been into weed, doesn’t much like the smell of it, for starters, but he’s not gonna ruin his friend’s good time, either. He’s content to just be good company, and keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn’t smoke himself into an anxiety attack, or binge on cheetos– which he’s already failed to prevent, it seems. When he reaches into the family-size bag, it’s already empty. He crumples it up and tosses it onto the nightstand with a sigh. 

Hangman takes another hit, then holds out the bright pink bong to Uno.

"Give Dolly a kiss?" He offers, smoke pouring out of his mouth.

"What? Oh–” Uno waves a hand. “No, you know I don't–"

"Just a little one?” Adam pouts. “One hit won't do nothin', promise."

"Adam, please . Dolly's a fine lady, but–"

"Wanna kiss me instead then?"

“Huh?”

Without waiting for an answer, Hangman turns Uno’s shoulders toward him, and smushes their lips together. Closed, clumsy. Not much of a kiss at all, honestly. But it makes his brain screech to a halt. And that is apparently the wrong non-response.

Adam pulls away quick. Too clear-headed too soon. 

"I, uh– fuck, I'm sorry, I…”

“Hangman.”

He sets the bong back on the nightstand, but his hands are shaking. He fumbles, knocks it over, spills.

“Shit! I-I’m sorry, just– I fucked up, y-you should–”

“Hanger, come on.”

Uno reaches out, puts a hand on his shoulder. He flinches away and curls up, turning his back on him.

“J-just go, you should go, just forget– forget all of this, okay?”

“Adam! I’m not going anywhere!”

He wraps an arm tight around him and holds him close, even as he tries to wriggle away. Eventually, he gives up. Evil Uno is strong and sober, and Adam’s sudden burst of anxious energy doesn’t last long enough to overpower him. He goes limp, hiding his face in his hands.

“God damn it… Fuckin’ Max did it again…” He whines.

Uno props himself up on an elbow, keeping his other hand on Adam’s shoulder.

“What do you mean? What does Max have to do with anything?”

“Th-the weed, he gave me bad weed again… He tricked me into buying the Gay Slut Weed from him…”

For the second time tonight, Evil Uno feels the gears in his head grind to a standstill. Once he fully processes what the hell he just heard, it’s all he can do to keep himself from laughing.

“I’m sorry, ‘Gay Slut Weed’? You– you’re gonna have to enlighten me, buddy. What’s Gay Slut Weed?”

A little bit of a snicker escapes, and Adam whips around, his cheeks every bit as red as his eyes.

“It’s not funny! I dunno where he gets it or why he has it, but Max has some weird strain that– it, uh…” He trails off, wide-eyed, but softer now. Not panicked, but…. Entranced, almost.

Evil Uno pats his shoulder, trying to bring him back on track. “It does what?”

Adam swallows audibly. “It… Y-you, uh… Hey, you got real pretty eyes, you know that?”

Oh, boy. 

“Can I kiss you again?”

Yeah, he’s got a pretty good idea now. Gay Slut Weed. Who would’ve thought?

Uno chuckles, and kisses Adam on the forehead instead.

“Tell you what. How about you go to sleep, and we’ll see how you feel in the morning. Okay, bud?”

Hangman whines and grabs at his shirt. “But– I wanna–”

“If you still want to tomorrow, we can do whatever you want. But right now, you need to go to bed, okay? It’s late. We both have planes to catch in the morning.”

He untangles his hands, kisses his knuckles, and sits up. Adam remains doe-eyed and fuzzy and sweet, lets him pull back the covers and tuck him in.

“I love yooouuuu…” He calls as Evil uno makes his way to the door.

“Go to sleep, Adam. Tell me in the morning.”

As soon as he’s back to his own hotel room, he’s on the phone.

"Caster? It's Evil Uno."

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

"Did you give Hangman 'gay slut weed'?"

There's a pause. Shuffling noises. Then Max's voice is hushed and cupped close to the mic.

"How do you know about that?"

"He was rambling about it. He said 'Max tricked me again,' and I'm pretty sure MJF doesn't smoke."

"Nah, I hook him up with edibles."

Evil Uno groans. 

"Caster, can you please just answer the question?"

"Man, I just gave him the same bud as always!” His voice drops to a whisper again. “Look… Between you and me, the 'gay slut weed'? Ain't real."

"...What?"

"Yeah, no, it's bullshit. I just started telling dudes that whole 'aw oopsie daisy, I mixed up the bags and gave you the gay slut weed' thing because they kept freaking out about having feelings when they smoked. Makes 'em feel better to blame it on something."

"... Okay, that's… Uh, okay."

"... Something happen with Hangman, Uno?"

"Ye– no. Y'know what, I gotta go. See you next week, bye."

Chapter Text

Evil Uno doesn't hear from Adam the next morning. He doesn't hold it against him. It's not nearly as bad as his drunken blackouts used to be, but he does still tend to forget things when he smokes. The whole thing– the kiss, the panic, the loopy "I love you"– it was just another mistake. Well, actually, that does sting a little. It's not like he's never said it before, but after an apparent sexuality crisis, the context has shifted dramatically . It eats away at him for days . An entire week, until finally he has to talk to someone about it. Stu readily meets him in the tiny café in the lobby of their hotel.

"I don't know what to do, and I hate that."

Uno holds his head in his hands. Stu reaches across the little table to pat him on the shoulder. It's not often that he really lets his stress show. He's supposed to be a leader, after all. He carries the burdens of everyone around him. Supports everyone wholeheartedly. The only one he really lets see him like this (human, just human like everybody else, he has to be reminded) is his Player Two.

"What do you want to do?" Stu asks, picking apart a croissant. "Seems like that's the easiest place to start."

"It's not, though. I want to tell him everything. But I can't do that. If I bring it up– if he doesn't remember, then I'll embarrass both of us. If he does …"

"You get a very handsome new boyfriend?"

Evil Uno shoots Stu a tired look. Stu shrugs it off.

"No. I'd be forcing him to confess something he wasn't ready to talk about. I can't hold him to something he said when he was high."

"But the 'gay slut weed' isn't real."

Uno sighs heavily. "People still say things that they regret." 

He couldn't stifle the pain in his voice if he tried. He's loved Hangman just about as long as he's known him. Even at his lowest points. Knowing how vibrant and charming he could be was what drove Uno to stay by his side and support him to sobriety. He secretly clung to every dunken-friendly "I love you, man" because it was the only way he'd ever hear it, because Adam would always have his pick of better, more successful, more attractive people. He hears it far less often now. He'd settled into just being a secretly pining friend. 

It turns out, new hope after a drought is worse than safe, familiar hopelessness.

"I wish I'd just checked on him and gone back to my room. Why did I stay?"

"Because you love him." Stu leans back in his chair. "I don't think Adam regrets it, though."

"How do you know?"

He taps Uno's shin with his foot and nods pointedly. Evil Uno turns to look behind himself just in time to see Hangman walking across the lobby, toward them. His heart sinks into his stomach, and he hisses under his breath:

"Oh my god. Did you–?!"

"He texted me and asked where you were and I told him. I promise that's all."

Stu gets up before he can be scolded any further. He tosses his trash away and claps his partner firmly on the back with a wink. 

"I'm going to the gym, I'll talk to you later."

And with that, Uno is left all on his own, with Adam showing a little more purpose in his stride now that Stu is out of the way. He doesn't sit down, just holds the back of the vacant chair with white knuckles. Well, that makes two of them. Evil Uno feels about two seconds away from crushing his coffee cup, if he gets any more tense.

"Good morning, Adam." He forces a smile that feels more like a grimace. It's returned just as awkwardly.

"Hey."

There's a pregnant silence between them. Neither willing to take a step to close the distance. What are they supposed to do? Chat about the weather they don't know or care about in an unfamiliar city? And hey, by the way, about that little crisis you had while you were stoned, it's kind of killing me and–

"Uh, d'you mind if we find someplace a little more private? There's somethin' I gotta talk to you about."

Well, there it is. The beginning of the end.

"No problem." Big problem. Huge. "Where to?"

"My room."

Worse!

"Alright. Let's go."

He tries to keep the nerves out of his voice. His hands. He hopes Adam can't feel him staring a hole through his back as they walk. He hopes he can. As anxious as he must be, at least he has the benefit of already knowing what he's going to say. Evil Uno resents that a little. He can only guess. And hope. He can't help but hope against all odds that maybe Stu is right and all this isn't just one-sided, even while he's working through the five stages of grief in his head to prepare for the more likely outcome.

He doesn't quite make it to acceptance before they reach Hangman's hotel room. He's still stewing in depression when the door locks behind them. So maybe he can be forgiven for being slow to react when he's grabbed firmly by the shoulders and held still in the middle of the room. Adam fixes his cloudy blue eyes on Uno's wide brown ones. Glares long and hard, like he means to kill him with them. But eventually, his expression softens and he has to look away.

"Damn it. I knew it."

"What?" Evil Uno is still jumpy, dangerously close to shoving some space between them until Adam’s grip relaxes, too. He laughs, humorless and resigned.

"It wasn't– it's still happening."

Before he can ask 'what?' again, he's pinned and silenced with another pointed look. His face seems hopeful, but scared. The same way Uno feels. 

"When you… Last week, after– after I kissed you, and I freaked out…" He starts, his voice already wavering. 

"You, uh… You held me until I calmed down. And told me you're not going anywhere."

Evil Uno takes a deep breath. Wherever this goes, it's on its way now. 

"I remember. I didn't think you did."

"I do. It's been driving me crazy, Uno. You said you wouldn't leave and then you did, so… Did it mean anything or not?"

This is it. This is where he loses everything, because he can't just lie to Adam. Maybe if he'd been a little more fuzzy on the details, but not when he's totally lucid. And he deserves the truth even if he hates him for it.

"Yeah, it did. I just… I couldn't stay after that. I know it was just the weed talking, I couldn't hold you to that. I couldn't let you make a decision you'd regret in the morning–" 

He has to stop, swallow down a lump in his throat before finishing. 

"No matter how much I wanted to. I wouldn't have been able to say no to you if I'd stayed."

Evil Uno braces for the barely-disguised pity. The rejection. He hopes for an "easy" let down, since they're friends at least.

It doesn't come. Instead, Hangman seems to exhale a thousand pounds off his back. His posture loosens, like a tight string's been cut somewhere inside him and freed up all of his joints at once. Where there was once fear creasing his brow, now there's relief.

"Thank god. Thank god, it wasn't just me reading too far into it."

Adam smiles, and Uno just stares, dumbfounded.

"I've been thinkin' about it all week. I've been thinkin' about you ."

Evil Uno thanks God for masks. His face is getting warm, and he knows it'd be an embarrassing shade of pink if Adam could see it. And the more he talks, the worse it gets.

"Actually… I've been thinkin' about you a lot longer than that. And I– I thought it was the weed makin' me feel like that, but now I think it was just makin' me more honest with myself."

Uno tries not to think about the sweat on the back of his neck as Hangman's hand shifts to rest there. His fingertips dipping under the edge of his mask and reaching the edge of his stubbly shaved hairline. He's so close now. Not at arm's length anymore. Close enough that Evil Uno can reach out and tentatively put a hand on his hip, and bask in the shy smile that gets him in return.

"I wanna be honest with you too, Uno."

He leans in, closes the small gap still between them, and Uno is so glad he put on one of his older masks to get coffee with Stu. One of the ones with an open mouth so he wouldn't have to jam a straw up the bottom of it. The opening is still a little awkward for this, but with the right angle they manage to meet in the middle in a much better kiss than the one that's been on his mind for the past week. It's still so little, just a chaste, soft press, no tongue– and yet, it's everything. The way they just fit together makes him wonder how he ever thought they couldn't.

And then, far too soon, they're apart again, and Adam's looking at him like he's the whole world.

"I love you."

And Evil Uno smiles back, for real this time, and holds Adam's face in his hands.

"I love you, too. I love you so much, you know that?"

"Yeah, I do now. 'M sorry I never…" Hangman gestures vaguely with his hands. "I was scared."

" You were scared?"

He nods solemnly.

"I didn't know if I could take it if you turned me down."

"Never. Never . Oh my god, I couldn't , you–"

Evil Uno laughs, still incredulous, still barely believing this is happening. That this is his life. That this is going to continue to be his life, isn't it? For the foreseeable future, "Hangman" Adam Page, the (extremely charming and beautiful) Anxious Millennial Cowboy, is going to be part of his life in a way he barely even let himself dream of. 

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to love you."

He kisses him again, because he can. And again, because he wants to and he can, he can have what he wants. And then a third time, because this time Adam pulls him in and tilts his head to kiss him deeper because he wants it, too. And this time there's just the slightest, hesitant little slide of tongue at the seam of his lips and he eagerly opens up to meet it. Evil Uno's face is hot and he's dizzy and his heart is about to burst. It's hard to breathe through his nose with his mask on and it forces him to take these embarrassing little gasps of breath whenever he can. They make him sound so desperate– and maybe he is, but he doesn't want to come on too strong all of a sudden, take a mile when he's been offered an inch. But Adam's hooking his fingers in the belt loops of his jeans and pulling him against himself. And holy shit, he's definitely sporting a half-chub at least, poking at his hip. That makes two of them. 

Adam makes a soft noise, and breaks their kiss once more, hovering just inches away. Panting slightly. He knocks their foreheads together with a wry smile.

"So, um… That other thing you said… did you mean that, too?"

It takes a moment for Evil Uno to drift back down to earth and remember how to talk.

"What other thing?"

"That we could, uh… Do whatever I want in the morning?"

"Oh. Oh. "

His stomach does a little flip. This wasn't exactly what had been on his mind when he said that, but… Apparently it'd been on Hangman's, even back then. Longer than that, he'd said. 

"You mean now?"

"Well…" Adam's hands creep around Evil Uno's middle, to his lower back. As if he would run away otherwise. "You got any other plans 'til showtime?"

"No…"

"Me neith–"

Hangman's phone rings, startling them both out of their skin. He checks the screen and scowls.

"It's Tony," he grumbles. "I gotta take this."

He's a walk-and-talk type. Evil Uno finds himself left hanging while Adam paces, offering a "yeah" or "got it" now and then, until something really hits him and he reacts with an exasperated "right now?!" 

"Showtime ain't until 8! I'm kinda in the middle of something…"

He shoots Uno an apologetic and longing look. He can't hear the other end of the conversation, but he understands. Business is business. They're still on the card for tonight.

"It's a personal thing. It's very important, and private . … Can't we just do it live, play it by ear? Why do we have to… Alright, Jesus, fine. I'll be there in 20."

Adam shoves his phone back in his pocket with a groan. 

"Tony's decided at the last minute he wants to write and pre-tape a promo for tonight. Said it's too big to risk any live slip-ups."

All at once, he's all wound up and anxious again. His tone is short and curt, frustrated. Evil Uno slips an arm around his waist, and he huffs. 

"He wants me there now ."

"Hey, don't worry about it. It is what it is."

"I know, but I wanted–"

" Listen. "

Uno holds Adam's jaw firmly, making him look up from the floor and into his eyes.

"You don't have to rush to 'seal the deal' with me. This time, I'm really not going anywhere. I promise. If you still want to, come find me after the show, room 318." 

Hangman nods, blue eyes glittering with all the thoughts racing through his head. It makes Uno's heart swell all over again, just knowing that some of them are about himself. And about both of them. He gives him one last kiss before heading out.

"Knock 'em dead, cowboy."

"Yeah, alright," Adam chuckles. "I'll see you later."

He's not sure how he's gonna focus for the rest of the day. As soon as the door's closed between them, Evil Uno feels like he's been hit by a truck, in the weirdest and best way. A truck full of puppies and chocolate and crack. Not that he knows the feeling intimately, but he's pretty sure being on crack probably feels at least a little bit like this. He's smiling so hard it's starting to hurt, and he fumbles his phone a couple times before he manages to unlock it, on the way back to his own room. Stu's probably still at the gym, but he has to text and tell him.

"YOU WERE RIGHT"

"I MIGHT BE HAVING A HEART ATTACK RN"

"You should probably sit down."

"Congratulations on your very handsome new boyfriend 🙂"

"OK I'm sitting now. I feel like I want to scream."

"I can't believe it, Hangman said he wanted to tell me for a long time but he was scared?????"

"That's insane"

"Anxious Millennial Cowboy, lol"

"So that's all that happened?👀"

"Well no"

"Uhhhhh"

"We kissed for a little while, and he wanted to have sex."

"If you turned him down I'm coming up there right now and beating the shit out of you"

"I didn't!!!!"

"He got called in for some last-minute taping. You know how it is."

"So…. Later 🙃"

"Good"

"Fuck him silly"

"STU"

"Ok I'm almost done w cardio"

"Details later?"

"NO!!!!"