Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Bart's always been fast, even for a speedster; faster than his dad and Aunt Dawn, faster than Wally, and maybe even faster than Grampa Barry.

He's always been fast.  Just not fast enough to outrun the Speed Force.

When it comes for him, he's twenty-one and almost happy.  He and Jaime are sharing an apartment (and sometimes a bed but shhh they don't talk about that) and he's just graduated college with an Art degree.  He works part time at a pottery store and is working with the Outsiders.  He and Artemis go to lunch every Saturday; it's nice.  For the first time since he can remember, things feel stable.  He has a routine and a place of his own and a real actual job and friends.

He's almost happy and then it takes him away, so abruptly he doesn't even have time to speak.  Doesn't even have time to say I'm sorry or I love you.

One second they're all celebrating the end of a long fight, Bart zooming over to high five Jaime, and then his limbs are all numb and tingly and his hand passes right through Jaime's.  The last thing he sees before everything goes fuzzy and sideways is Jaime reaching for him, and it hurts worse than the time Deathstroke shot him in the knee because he knows somewhere deep down inside that he's not coming back.  That this is it for him.

Jaime is twenty-four when he loses his best friend.  Watching Bart simply cease to exist right in front of him is going to haunt him for the rest of his life because he couldn't do a damn thing to stop it.  He just stands there and stares, reaching for where Bart used to be.  His ears are ringing, so loud that it drowns out Khaji running calculations in his head, and it's like he's stuck in that moment when Bart went blurry and see-through.  Then his legs buckle and he falls to his knees.  Virgil just barely catches him by the arm before he face-plants in the dirt.

"Woah there man.  What's wrong?" he asks, but Jaime isn't listening.

"Tell me where he is!" he snaps at Khaji.  This has to be some trick, a fluke of Bart's powers.  He can't be gone.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, he registers Virgil recoil at his harsh tone. He doesn't care that he's talking to Khaji out loud, something he stopped doing years ago when he's around other people because he knows it makes him look nuts, but right now he couldn't give less of a shit what other people think of him

<< Scan complete.  The Bart Allen has been absorbed into the Speed Force >> Khaji reports matter of factly, like those words aren't tantamount to a death sentence for him emotionally.

"The hell, no that can't be right," he snaps, "You must've missed something!"

<< The Bart Allen has ceased, Jaime Reyes >> It says, sounding almost sorry << He is gone >>

"Scan again!"

<< Additional scans are unnecessary.  The Bart Allen has ceased in the same manner as his predecessor >> It says again, firmer this time.

"¡No, cállate! ¡Te equivocas!" he's shouting now, "I don't give a shit what the scans say no puede irse."

"Yo, Blue, what's wrong?" Gar asks, morphing from bird to man as he lands in front of him and Static, "Where's KF?"

"I don't know!" he snaps, "He just disappeared!  The scarab says he's-"  He stops, choking up.  "It said something about the 'Speed Force', no lo sé.  He was 'absorbed' or something."

Cassie stares at him, face pale.  "Like what happened to Wally," she whispers.  The rest of the Outsiders have gathered around him, looking to him for answers and he hates it.

"No, not like Wally, because we're going to find Bart," he insists testily.

<< He is gone >> Khaji insists.

"Shut up!" he says, "He's not gone!"  His voice breaks, "He can't be gone."  Cassie's eyes are shiny with tears and Ed is gripping her shoulder, jaw tight.

Gar clears his throat, "As team leader I'm calling it.  Kid Flash is MIA."

Bart wakes up.  Well, that's not quite right.  'Waking up' implies that he was asleep, which he wasn't.  He just... becomes aware again.

His limbs still feel fuzzy but not numb like before.  He feels more solid, less tingly and intangible.  He's lying on something soft and warm and slightly springy, like the trampoline in Jaime's backyard in El Paso on a hot summer day.  Bart used to take naps on that thing, it was surprisingly comfortable.  Jaime made fun of him for it, calling him gatito and ruffling his hair, but it was never mean-spirited, simply fond and warm like the sun because that's what Jaime is.  Warm like the sun.  Oh, no, don't think about Jaime right now.  Not when he'd looked so scared and heartbroken.  Not when Bart had left him behind.  When he finally opens his eyes he's greeted by the sight of a corridor, vast and seemingly endless with walls of shifting warm hues and no doors in sight.

Well.  This is different.

He gets to his feet, cataloguing the details of his surroundings like Tim's taught him.  He's never been very good at the whole 'detective' thing, he's too impatient, but he's smart and he's observant when he needs to be.

He turns in a circle, but everything looks the same.  So he does what he does best.  He runs.

The rest of the day is a blur.  Jaime doesn't really process anything, just goes through the motions.  His mind is still stuck in that single moment before Bart disappeared, when he'd gone all blurry and faded like an old photograph, and that's not how he wants to remember Bart until they find him because Bart is the brightest thing in his life.  Bart is the goddamned sun.  He grits his teeth against the grief bubbling up in his chest.  They will find him.  He doesn't care what the scans say, they'll find Bart.  They have to.

They didn't find Wally.  Why would they find Bart?

When he finally gets around to checking his phone, he calls his mom because he really needs to here her voice right now.  "Hola Mamá," he says when she picks up, trying to keep his voice from shaking.

Because she's his mother, she notices it anyway, "¿Qué pasa mijo?  Did something happen?  Are you hurt?"  Tears prick at the backs of his eyes.

He swallows, "I'm okay.  It's-"  He blinks, trying not to cry.  "I'm okay."

"No, no estás bien.  Talk to me," she insists, clicking her tongue.

He sits down heavily on the couch.  The couch in the apartment he shares with Bart, the couch that still has Bart's sweater thrown over the end of it despite Jaime telling him to clean up after himself for the nth time.  It's an obnoxious yellow with bright pink pom poms and it's one of Bart's favorites.  He bites back a sob.  God, this sucks.

"Mijo," his mom says again, gently.

He inhales shakily.  "It's, um, it's Bart."  He scrubs at his eyes and avoids looking at that stupid sweater because if he does he's going to break down completely.  "He- there was- something happened."

"Oh no, pobrecito, is he okay?" she asks, warmth and worry shading her words in equal measure.  His family loves Bart almost as much as he does.

"That's the thing, I don't know.  It's hard to explain," he bites his lip, trying to think of a way to phrase this without making it sound like an ending.  "He sort of just... se desvaneció.  We'll figure it out."

"Okay, sweetheart," she says.  "I'm sure everything will work out."

"Yeah," he says, even though there's a part of him that's afraid that it very much won't.

"My shift is starting soon.  I love you," she says. 

"Love you too," he says, then hangs up.  He's left alone in an empty apartment, the only noise that of the ceiling fan cutting through the balmy heat of early autumn.

Khaji beeps, signaling that it's about to go into sleep mode.  It does that after missions, a way for it to rest while he's not in immediate danger.  He's honestly relieved because he just can't deal with it's lack of emotional sensitivity right now, not when he's so fragile.  He shifts, lying down on the couch with a groan as his bruised ribs protest.  It should've been a mission just like any other, so what went wrong?  He closes his eyes.  Maybe this is all a dream and he'll wake up to Bart watching cartoons on his phone at two times speed while he makes pancakes.

Yeah, maybe.

Bart runs and runs and runs, but the corridor just keeps stretching on forever.  It's like the place was made to hold speedsters.  It's utterly terrifying in an existential lovecrafty dread type of way, but Bart is nothing if not determined.  He broke the rules of reality once and he'll break them again if it means getting back home.  So he runs and runs and runs, until he runs right into someone and sends them both sprawling in a tangle of limbs.  "Sorry, sorry," Bart yelps, hopping to his feet.  Then he almost topples back over again because that's Wally looking exactly the same as the day he died.  Well, maybe not died considering this.  "Wally?" he asks, voice trembling with hope.

His cousin (once removed) grins up at him, "Hey kid.  You got tall."  Bart flings himself at him, sobbing.

Wally catches him with an oomph.  "Woah, guess you really missed me," he says into Bart's hair.  Bart nods furiously.  "Must've been gone a while, huh?"

"It's been eight years!" he sniffles.

Wally stiffens.  "Guess that means I really did miss dinner," he says, more to himself than to Bart.  "Shit, uh, I'm sorry."  Bart pulls away and they both get to their feet.  Wally's still taller than him, but only by a few inches now and that makes a lump of emotion bubble up in his throat.

"How are you here?" Bart demands, "How are you alive?"

"As far as I know I never actually died," Wally says, scratching his head.  "Has it really been eight years?"

Bart presses his lips together, feeling awful.  If Wally has just been sitting here all these years then he's the world's biggest asshole for not figuring it out sooner and finding him.  "Yeah," he says finally.

"Jesus, eight years," Wally says, taking a deep breath, "Wow, that's- that sure is a long time."

"Yeah," Bart says again, "Yeah it really is."

After the Invasion Jaime had had a front row seat to the search for Wally, courtesy of Bart.  Granted, there hadn't been much hope to begin with considering the former KF's last words but the other heroes had looked for him all the same.  They'd brought in sorcerers like Traci's dad and wizards like John Constantine and scientists and Green Lanterns, all to the same conclusion: Wally West, aka Kid Flash, was simply gone.  Dead, for all intents and purposes.  He'd seen, from the periphery, how much this process wrecked Artemis.  How she'd wilted with each failed attempt to locate her boyfriend.  Now he's experiencing that frantic sort of grief for himself as they fail, over and over again, to find Bart.

<< I told you, he is gone >> Khaji says every time he tells it to scan, but it scans for Bart anyway because it misses him too.  Every time, it comes up empty and he loses a bit more hope.

They just keep hitting dead end after dead end until the search is called off and Kid Flash is officially considered KIA (for the second time).  It's one of the worst days of his life, next to Bart disappearing and getting put on mode by Green Beetle.  He storms out of the Watchtower and doesn't look back, not even when Artemis runs after him.  He can't face her.  First Wally dying in the Invasion and now Bart being... gone.  She must hate him.  She should.  It's his fault, and he knows it.  He flies aimlessly until Khaji insists on taking them home.  He can't bring himself to protest, can't bring himself to do much of anything at all.  The apartment feels unbearably empty without Bart's warm, enthusiastic presence filling it up.  He clutches Bart's ridiculous pom pom sweater to his chest, inhaling the fading scent of his best friend and it hurts so fucking bad that his chest physically aches with it.

How can he keep going, now that one of the most important people in his life is just gone?  It seems impossible, but he's going to have to learn because the writing's on the wall.  Wally didn't come back, and neither... Neither is Bart.   He chokes on a sob, curling in on himself as he cries uncontrollably.  It's not fucking fair!

It just isn't fair.

For the longest time, Wally thought he'd never see another person again.  Hell, he'd have settled for Plastic Man!  Instead, he'd nearly gotten run over by his kid cousin.  Not that he's much of a kid anymore.  Eight years.  He still can't believe it.

The thing with wherever he's stuck at is that evidently time doesn't pass normally, or at all really.  If you'd asked Wally before today(?) how long he's been stuck, he would've said a couple days tops.  But according to Bart it's been a helluva lot longer than that.

And god, Bart!  He's all grown up now!

He's still skinny, a regular beanpole, but he's also gotten taller and filled out a little around the shoulders.  He's an adult, not the too-skinny kid from Wally's memories, and it hurts that Wally wasn't there to see him grow up.  The one thing that hasn't changed though is the hero worship in Bart's eyes every time he looks at him.  It's the same way Wally used to look at Uncle Barry, like the man had hung the moon personally.  It's a little unnerving because he's not the Flash; he's just Wally West.  He's just a guy who happened to get struck by lightning.  But Bart looks at him like he's his personal hero, like he hung the moon and the stars too.

The silence is starting to weigh on him, so he clears his throat and asks, "Eight years; so that makes you, what, twenty-three?"  Bart had been like fifteen when he'd first shown up, right?

Bart shakes his head, "Nope.  I just turned twenty-one."

That stops Wally dead in his tracks.  "You were thirteen?!" he yelps, shocked.  He hadn't talked much with the kid about his future-past before he'd disappeared but he'd always assumed Bart was just small for his age, a late bloomer.

"Yup," is all Bart says.  "Thirteen.  Not that I was really a kid anymore by then anyways, but still," he shrugs, "Younger than I seemed."

Wally purses his lips, not sure he wants to get into the implications of Bart not considering himself a kid anymore at thirteen.  So instead he asks, "Got a girlfriend?  Someone special waiting for you?"  He nudges Bart playfully, every inch the annoying older cousin figure he's missed out on being for the past eight years.

Bart laughs in his face at that.  "Yeah, no," he says, "Definitely no girlfriend."

Wally is offended on his behalf.  "C'mon, you've got the West-Allen good looks!  I'm sure the girls are falling all over you."

Bart looks him dead in the eyes and says, "Cuz, I'm gay."

"Ah," Wally says, "I look like an idiot don't I?"

His cousin laughs, "Kinda, yeah."

"So, boyfriend then?" he asks after a moment.

Bart sighs, "Not currently."

He's blushing though, and Wally zeroes in on that.  "But there is someone," he says knowingly.

"How do you both do that?" Bart grouses.

Wally's confused, "Both?"

"You and Artie, I swear it's like y'all share a brain," he complains.  Wally's heart constricts at the thought of his girlfriend.  He wonders if she's moved on and found someone new.  For him, she was always going to be the one, but he wouldn't be mad if she had found someone.  He wants her to be happy.  "It's kinda complicated," Bart admits, "We live together and he's my best friend, so I don't wanna ruin what we have over something as stupid as feelings."

Wally thinks of the Blue Beetle kid Bart was always hanging around.  "Is it the blue guy?  Jamey or whatever?"

Bart smiles, all sappy and lovesick, "Jaime, yeah.  He's the best."

Wally whistles, "Damn, kid.  You've got it bad."

"Shut up," Bart says, shoving his shoulder.  "It's not like you and Artie were any better."

Wally's throat tightens at Bart's use of the past tense.  "Speaking of Artemis... is she seeing anyone?"  He knows he's being painfully transparent but he can't help but wonder if anything is the same as he left it.

A pained expression crosses Bart's face, a half-way point between grief and guilt.  "No, she still isn't over you."

That should make him happy, the idea that Artemis misses him as much as he misses her, but for some reason it just makes him sad.  She deserves to be happy and in love, even if it isn't with him.  Bart gives him this piercing look that reminds him inexsplicably of Dick and that makes his chest hurt because he left everyone behind but he and Dick had been on bad terms and they're best friends.  Plus, Dick had only just started to get over Jason's death when he'd disappeared.  God, he's kind of the worst, isn't he?

"I'm sorry," he says out of the blue, because he feels like he needs to say it.  He should've tried harder to get out of here instead of assuming that it hadn't been that long and that rescuers were coming.

Bart looks up at him, brow creased, "Not your fault.  You- you saved the world, Wally.  If anyone should be apologizing it's me!  I didn't even belong in this timeline and yet I'm the one who got to stay while you- you were just gone."  His eyes go wide with horror.  "Fuck, how long have I been gone?  We need to get out of here!"

Wally feels sick thinking about what Bart disappearing is going to do to Artemis, if he's been gone for eight years and she's still not over it.  "I tried to get out, but there's some sort of energy being that stops you.  Hell, I tried vibrating out of the walls but that thing turned me around so bad I threw up."  It had been incredibly disconcerting, watching the floor swallow up his vomit until it disappeared completely.

Bart smiles at him, sharp and borderline feral in a way that makes Wally wonder just what exactly his cousin has been through in his future-past, and says, "Well, it's gonna have to outrun me."

Bart gets two funerals, just like Wally.  A civillian one for Bart Allen and a League one for Kid Flash.  Jaime goes to both, no matter how much it hurts, because Bart is- was his best friend and he deserves to be remembered and honored.

The League funeral is first.  It's at the Watchtower.  Jaime is speaking, because he needs to say something, anything, to make Bart's death mean something.  Because it doesn't, really.  With Wally at least he'd been saving the world but Bart had just disappeared.  It's senseless and worthless and not even a sacrifice.  Jaime had worried for so long that Bart would die at the hands of some crazed supervillain or saving him that it still feels strange that he didn't go out that way but instead had simply faded away.  It doesn't make sense that someone as bright and fucking alive as Bart could fade away like he did.  So here he stands at the podium, his Blue Beetle armor sitting heavy on his shoulders, trying to condense almost ten years of love and friendship and this person is my person into a single coherent speech.  He'd spent hours writing the stupid thing, throwing out draft after draft because nothing felt right or like it truly showed what Bart means to him.

"Hi," he says, wincing because fuck that sounds as awkward as it feels.  "If you knew Kid Flash you probably know me.  I'm Blue Beetle.  I met KF when we were both teenagers and he was still Impulse and we've been inseparable ever since."  He clears his throat, trying not to cry because Batman is here and that would be very embarrassing.  "Kid Flash saved me.  He saved the world, and when he did he saved me from something worse than death.  By all rights, he should've hated me.  But he didn't.  He became my friend instead, my best friend in fact.  And I'm never gonna be able to fill the hole he left behind.  I miss you, hermano."  With that, he walks back to his seat and spends the rest of the service trying not to cry.

After the service he goes to what's been dubbed 'The Graveyard' because, well, without the water they can't really call it the Grotto anymore.  Bart's hologram stands next to Wally's and Jaime is suddenly hit with the memory of the first time he and Bart met and it hurts.

He swallows, taking a shaky breath.  "Hey hermano," he says softly.  "Guess you and Wally are probably catching up wherever you are so I'll make this quick."  He doesn't pray much anymore and goes to Church even less but it helps, imagining Bart and Wally hanging out up in Heaven.  He wipes at his eyes. "Just, uh, I wanted you to know that things aren't the same without you here.  God, it sucks so much not having you around. Like, I keep seeing things I know you'd like and I think I should tell him about that when I get home but then I remember that I'm never gonna see you again and it's like I'm losing you all over again."

There's something else he needs to say, but he doesn't know if he has the courage to.  He takes a deep breath.

"Also, I was- I am in love with you," he admits.  Panic claws at him because there's no taking that back, even if the person he's talking to is dead and gone.  "I've been in love with you for years but I was too scared to admit it, even to myself.  Growing up in Texas, growing up Catholic, it's not the most accepted thing in the world.  But still, god help me, I loved you.  I probably always will."  He hiccups, running a hand through his hair.  "Just thought you should know."

Someone clears their throat and he jumps, blood running cold.  He whips around and sees Artemis looking at him.  Her eyes are deeply, unfathomably sad, but she smiles at him all the same.  "Hey Jaime."

He swallows.  "How much did you hear?"

"Most of it," she admits.  "I think we should talk."  He wants to run away, but that was always Bart's thing, not his.  So instead he nods and follows her to one of the benches in the Graveyard.  She sits, patting the space next to her.  He sits.  She says, "Honestly, I kinda figured.  Both of you were so attached that it was bound to happen.  I told him he should've said something."  The last part is said almost to herself but it booms loud in Jaime's ears.

"He- You mean- " he says, unable to say it.

She nods, "He felt the same way."

Jaime exhales, burying his face in his hands.  "Mierda," he chokes out, "You mean all this time..."

Artemis puts a hand on his shoulder.  "Do you want to talk about it?"

He doesn't really, but he feels like he should, so he says, "I mean, you heard what I said.  Texas isn't exactly a stellar place to grow up queer.  Don't get me wrong, my parents would be fine with it but I was still so scared.  It feels ridiculous; I mean, I'm a superhero."

"The idea of someone hating you just for who you are will always be scary," Artemis says.

"Does it ever stop hurting?" he asks, voice thick with unshed tears.

"No," she says, "You just learn to live with the pain."

Chapter Text

Wally presses his hands to the wall, feeling its subtle vibrations beneath his palms.  "You ready?" he asks Bart.

"Hell yeah," Bart smirks, stepping up beside him.  They both vibrate through the walls and into the tempest beyond.

Immediately, the energy being is there, a burst of sickly yellow-black lightning and burning red eyes.  It dives for Wally but Bart is there, grabbing it and tumbling in a static ball of lightning and fire.  It reminds him of the dust clouds looney tunes fights always look like.  Wally speeds after them and arrives just in time to see Bart slamming the being, or rather man as he can now see, into the springy orange wall.  His cousin's face is contorted in a vicious snarl and his hand is stiff and blade like as it vibrates.  Then he plunges it into the man's chest.  His blood goes cold.  That's a killing move.  As soon as Bart stops moving his hand the man is going to die.

"Bart, don't!" he shouts, zipping up to his cousin.

Bart doesn't seem to hear him.  "I'll do it," he says softly, voice deadly.  "Don't think for a moment I won't."

"You heroes don't kill," the man says with a maniacal giggle.  "You're all weak!"

"No one would ever know," Bart hisses.  "He wouldn't tell, not if I got us outta here."

"Bart!" he hisses.

"I could stop your heart.  I've done it before.  I wouldn't regret it either, not if it got me home," he snarls.

The man searches Bart's face and goes pale.  "Alright, alright."  He pulls out a glowing key from Wally isn't sure where and holds it out.

"Wally," Bart says, "Take the key."  His voice is so cold it's almost unrecognizable.  Wally takes it.  "How do we use it?"

"Stick it into the wall!" the man yelps.  "A keyhole will appear, I promise."

Skeptically, Wally does and the burning outline of a keyhole and door appears.  He turns the key and something clicks.  Looking back at Bart, he swallows and pushes it.  It creaks open.

Jaime gets the call sometime after midnight.  He gropes around blindly for his phone, almost knocking it off his nightstand.

"You need to come over right now," Artemis says.

"Chica it's like one a.m.," he protests, barely awake.

"I'm serious," Artemis says, voice shaking.  "It's- I can't explain it over the phone."  She sounds wrecked and that wakes him up.

"I'll be there," he says.  "Give me five minutes."

"Just hurry, please," she says.

He's fully awake now.  "Are you hurt?"

"No, it's not- Nothing like that," she assures him with a laugh that borders on hysterical.

"Okay," he says, pulling on some clothes, "I'm gonna go now.  Don't do anything stupid."

"I'm okay," she assures him.  "I'm better than okay."

He suits up and climbs out the window, taking off for her house.  Khaji sits coiled in the back of his brain, silent and aware.  He lands in the yard, noting that the lights are on; he keeps his head on a swivel as he searches for any signs of forced entry.  He doesn't find anything so he knocks on the front door.

Will answers.  "Oh, hey man," he says, eyes slightly wild, "Come in, come in."  He ushers Jaime inside with a franticness that's honestly super concerning.

"Hey," he says in a low voice, snagging Will's sleeve, "You good, ese?"

"Yeah, yeah," Will brushes him off.  "You need to see this."

"Okay?" he says, letting himself be dragged into the living room.  What he sees makes his knees turn to jelly.  "Bart?" he croaks.  Will grabs his arm, holding him up as his legs collapse beneath him.

"Hey," Bart says with a shy wave.  He looks exactly like Jaime remembers him, save for the fact that a lock of his hair has been bleached a reddish-gold.

"You're dead," he says, "You can't be here."  His voice breaks, "This is just cruel."

"Jaime," Bart says, voice quivering.  "I'm real.  This is real.  I'm here."

He sobs, stumbling out of Will's grasp and into Bart's arms, half-expecting him to disappear before they touch.  But no, Bart's real, he's here.  "Oh my god," he sobs, "Oh my god."  Bart wraps his arms around him and they both sink to the floor.  Jaime runs his hands over his best friend, reassuring himself that he's intact; he touches his face, his hair, his arms, his chest.  "It's really you," he whispers hoarsely, cradling his face in his hands and resting their foreheads together.

"Yeah, I'm here," Bart says, rubbing a hand between his shoulder blades.  He pulls back just a bit, studying Jaime's face.  "You grew out your hair," he says, voice cracking.  He runs a hand through it and Jaime leans into the touch, feeling punch drunk.  "I didn't mean to leave-" he starts but Jaime yanks him into a messy kiss, effectively shutting him up.  Bart squeaks in surprise, then melts.

He tastes like lightning and oranges and he's warm and here and real and Jaime never wants to let go.  "Tu eres mi vida y mi corazon.  Te amo, te amo," he says roughly when he pulls away.  He can't not say something, not after everything that's happened.

Bart turns bright red.  "Oh neat," he says, voice an octave higher than normal.  Jaime feels his own face burn as he remembers that while Bart might be shit at speaking it, he understands Spanish pretty damn well.  "You're- yeah, I like- cool, awesome," Bart babbles.  He swallows, licking his lips.  Then he says, "Hang on, is that my sweater?" a laugh in his voice.

He looks down and realizes he is wearing Bart's pom-pom sweater.  "I just grabbed whatever clothes I had nearby," he explains, feeling oddly defensive.

Bart grins, but his eyes are shiny and vulnerable when he asks, "You keep my sweater nearby?"

He could lie.  He doesn't.  "Yeah."  He also doesn't say that he's slept with it every night since he disappeared like a kid clinging to a security blanket.

"How long was I gone?"  When he asks, it's in a whisper.

"Ten months," Jaime says.

"Oh," Bart says.

"What am I, chopped liver?" a voice he hasn't heard in almost nine years complains.  It's only then that Jaime remembers that he and Bart aren't the only two people in the room and his entire face is on fire.  Wally West is sitting on the couch; he and Artemis are wrapped around each other like they're afraid that if they let go the other will disappear.  Wally has a matching bleached streak to Bart's, so Jaime figures it came from wherever they went.

"Sorry," he says sheepishly.  He stands up and holds out his hand to shake Wally's.  He feels oddly like he's meeting his date's parents for the first time.

"No biggie," Wally says with a shrug, shaking his hand.

Will snorts.  "You two looked pretty cozy.  The guest room is available, just saying," he adds with a smirk and a wink.

Jaime flushes an even deeper red.  "I wasn't- We're not-" he stutters.  "It's complicated?" he settles on.

Wally laughs, Artemis pressed close to him.  "Yeah, go on loverboy," he heckles goodnaturedly, "Someone is starting to look lonely over there."

Thoroughly humiliated, Jaime about-faces and flees back to Bart.  He has the audacity to be laughing at him, nose scrunched up and eyes crinkling fondly.  "C'mon," Bart says after his giggles have subsided.  "Let's go check out that guest room."

"I- huh?" Jaime stutters, letting Bart drag him along.

The guest room is plain and kind of reminds Jaime of visiting his abuela's house in Mexico City, with it's floral comforter and crocheted throw blanket and lacy pillowcases, but he doesn't particularly care because Bart is kissing him desperately as soon as the door closes behind them.  Faster than he can process, his back hits the wall and Bart's got him pinned, kissing him like he's a drowning man in search of oxygen.  He can barely keep up but that's fine because Bart is here and alive and, fuck, he's kissing him.

"Sorrysorrysorry," Bart mutters in between kisses, words buzzing against his lips, "Didn'tmeantobegone."  His hands tug at Jaime's hair and he groans at the sensation of blunt nails rasping his scalp.

"Amor," he says once he finds his voice, "Please, dime si estoy soñando.  I don't think puedo soportar perderte de nuevo if I wake up from this."

"You're not dreaming," Bart murmurs against the column of his throat.  He sucks a bruise into his skin and his knees go weak.  "I promise this is real."

"Jesus," he mutters.  Bart hums, giving him another hickey and slipping his hands under that ridiculous sweater.  His hands are soft, no callouses because of his healing factor, and warm.  He runs his hands up and down his sides, almost like he's petting him.  Jaime plunks his face into Bart's hair and suddenly he's crying again, shaking like a leaf.  "God, I missed you so much," he chokes.

Bart wriggles until he's properly hugging him, one arm wrapped around his waist and the other pressed firmly between his shoulders.  "I missed you too," he says.  "Probably not as much as you missed me though, cause like for me it was only a couple hours," he admits quietly.

Jaime laughs, more of a wet snuffle than a sound of mirth.  "I missed you," he says again, "I love you.  I don't think I can live without you."

Bart squeaks, burrowing into the space where his neck meets his shoulder.  "Youcan'tjustsaythingslikethat!" he blurts.  Then he says, "Iloveyoutoothough," so fast that Khaji has to translate.

<< I am... glad that the Bart Allen has returned >> Khaji says.

"Khaji says that it's glad your back," he relays, face burning.  Bart doesn't say anything, just pushes his hand further up his back underneath the sweater and traces his fingers along the seam where the scarab meets his skin.  He hisses because his skin there is a bit... sensitive.  Khaji chirps, lighting up his (their?) spine.  He tightens his grip on Bart.

"Is this okay?" Bart asks, hand stilling.

He clears his throat, "Yeah.  Just, um, overwhelming."  Another sob claws its way from his throat.

"What do you need right now?" Bart asks him, resuming his petting of the scarab.

He tries to focus on something other than the intoxicating feeling of Bart touching him.  Bart presses his fingers into the little indents between the scarab's legs; it makes his entire nervous system light up and he blurts, "You."

"Oh," Bart says, flushing red.  "Cool, cool, we can fuck if you wanna."

He jerks back.  "No!  Well I mean maybe later?  I don't-  What I meant was, like, just keep touching me."  Bart quirks a brow.  "That came out wrong, sorry.  It's not that I don't want to have sex with you, well only if you're okay with it, but I'm not in the right headspace tonight," he babbles.

"Jaime," Bart is laughing at him now.  "Chill, I gotcha.  I could go for some good ol' fashioned cuddles."  He kisses his cheek, lips warm and soft, and Jaime melts.  "It's pretty fun watching you squirm," he whispers, stroking the scarab one last time before disentangling himself from the other man.  "I think I'm gonna take a shower and then we can cuddle, m'kay?" he says, wrinkling his nose, "Cause, like, I feel grody."

Jaime sniffs exaggeratedly.  "You do kinda smell," he says with a grin.

"Rude!"  Bart laughs, so loud and full of amusement that it takes his breath away.  He never thought he'd get to hear that laugh again.  He walks out of the room, shouting at Artemis if she still keeps the towels in the same spot and Jaime listens to the sound of his footfalls on the hardwood floor.

Bart is alive.  Bart is alive and he kissed him.

The shower feels like heaven to Bart after being stuck in his suit for so long.  The mission had been a long one even before the whole Speedforce debacle, so it feels good to scrub himself down and soak in the hot spray.  He doesn't linger too long though, knowing that Jaime is waiting for him.

God, Jaime.  He'd looked wrecked, there's no other word to describe it, when he saw Bart.  Jaime's always been his rock, the more stable and well-adjusted of the two, so seeing him shaking and sobbing had been unnerving to say the least.  And that's not even counting the kiss.  Well, kisses actually.  As in multiple.  He'd always thought that Jaime, while a great and loving friend, would never love Bart nearly as much as Bart loved him but apparently he was dead wrong because wow.  Just holy shit, the way Jaime had launched himself at him and kissed him so deeply and tenderly... It feels like something out of one of his fantasies.  Not that he has a lot of those about Jaime, no sirree.

He shakes his head, clearing the memory of making out with Jaime from his brain because he really doesn't want to deal with a boner right now, and finishes washing his hair.  He shuts off the water and dries off, deciding to brush his teeth for good measure because kissing is now a thing that's on the table and having bad breath while kissing Jaime is the definition of moded.

Only, when he goes to grab his toothbrush it's not there anymore.  He realizes with a pang that Artie probably threw it out because she thought he was dead.  He pushes the way she'd clung to him and Wally out of his mind and settles for gargling mouthwash instead.  He throws on the t-shirt and sweatpants he borrowed from Will, which are a bit too big for him.

Jaime is waiting for him outside the bathroom.  He pulls Bart into a tight hug, like he was worried he might've disappeared while taking a shower.  Bart pulls back a bit and kisses him, trying to reassure him that he's not going anywhere ever again, not if he can help it.

"Hi sugar," he whispers, reveling in the way Jaime's cheeks flush, "Miss me already?"  He means it as a joke but the way Jaime's eyes are frantic tell him he's hit the nail on the head.  Guilt grips him.  He made Jaime feel like this.  "C'mon," he says softly, "Let's go snuggle."

Jaime nods, eyes studying his face like he's memorizing it and it breaks his heart that he feels the need to do that.  He leads him by the wrist, vowing to make this up to him and wondering if he even can.  He doesn't let go of him until they're back in the guest room and he's getting into the bed.  He pulls Jaime down with him, tucking them both in.

"I'm afraid to go to sleep," Jaime whispers into his hair.  "I'm afraid you won't be here when I wake up."  They're tangled together like they do when one of them has a nightmare and can't sleep.  He thinks of Jaime all alone in their apartment without anyone to hold him when he wakes up crying or screaming or shaking and it makes his stomach hurt a little bit.

"I'm not going anywhere," he promises.  "You're not losing me again.  Remember those plushies you got me when you had to go to space?  Blue Beetle for me and Kid Flash for you?"

"Of course," Jaime laughs wetly, "I've slept with that Kid Flash plushie everyday since you die- disappeared."

His breath hitches, heart snagging painfully.  "Well, when you gave them to me you said it was just so I would have something to hug until you came back."

"Yeah," Jaime says, not sounding like he gets where this is going. 

"The point is, you came back and so did I," he says, leaning in and kissing him tenderly.  Jaime shivers, hand coming up to cup the back of his head.  He comes up for breath and says, "I will always find my way back to you."

He rests his head against Jaime's and they fall asleep like that, breath mingling as they learn how to hold each other all over again.