Chapter Text
Everything hurt.
Her head hurt from all of the crying, her back and abdomen hurt from all the pushing, and her legs were shaking despite how Tech held her up.
But it was all pushed to the back of her mind when she held her baby for the first time.
Instinct kicked in as all preparation she did failed to surface. The instinct to cuddle the baby to her chest. To hold her close. To nurse her.
She said something about treasure. Tech said something back. She could not think any longer.
We made her, she thought. You and I.
Tech couldn’t have heard her unspoken words, but his touch was so gentle as he brushed hair from her eyes. He gazed at the baby with just as much awe as she did.
“You should lie down,” Tech whispered.
She let him lead her to the bed, but her eyes did not leave the baby girl in her arms.
Kenza.
She was a fighter! She had been born screaming and hadn’t stopped since.
“ Shh ,” Phee whispered, rubbing the baby’s forehead.
She had been able to tell in the ultrasound that Kenza had a lot of hair. Now that she was here, it was even more than Phee could have expected. Kenza’s nose was the perfect smaller replica of her father’s.
But where is my brother?! She seemed to demand. Her tiny screaming mouth found its way to Phee’s skin, sucking hungrily in all the wrong places before she was led to latch.
Phee knew she had only a few moments before the ordeal would begin anew. Another baby to birth. Another child to meet.
She had no energy to stand back up.
Nursing Kenza was a small but welcome distraction, the endorphins released by such an act overpowering the pain except at its sharpest.
Kenza kept eating. Phee kept pushing. Tech kept worrying.
Her body knew it was over even though she could not hear the squalls of a healthy baby boy. The euphoria faded. The worry began.
Kenza began wailing again when her mother dared adjust herself and disrupt her meal. Phee couldn’t care at the moment.
I need to see my son.
“Jai,” she whispered.
The smaller twin. The slower heartbeat. The child who was always sucking his thumb and hiding his face when they tried to look.
Jai did not cry, but his eyes were open and staring straight at her. His head was a bit misshapen, possibly because of the position Phee had assumed for his birth.
“Kenza,” Phee whispered, lifting the blanket. “Jai is here.”
Kenza said nothing, but her hand reached out for her brother when he was laid next to her.
“Hello, Jai,” Phee whispered, kissing his forehead. Like his sister, Jai began seeking out the food source, but needed help latching.
Phee closed her eyes. She took a moment to breathe. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and she couldn’t stop the sobs.
Tech was there. Her rock. He had been beside her for the last- how long had it been? What had she done to him?
He was crying, too, but pretended he was fine when she looked up at him.
Jai continued to stare, his gaze unnaturally alert for a newborn.
“Hello, big eyes,” Phee whispered, a play on the nickname she had given Tech. How special to pass it to their son!
This moment had been everything she wanted and more. After a year of heartbreak and worry she had two healthy babies on her chest. She was no longer a failure. She was a mother.
She had plans for this moment, what she would say to her children now that they were here. But the words wouldn’t form.
They didn’t need to.
There would be time.
“I would like to inform my brothers,” Tech said, asking permission to leave for a few moments.
“We’ll be just fine,” Phee said.
The midwife had cleaned up and gone off to her next assignment. So many babies on Pabu, so safe from the Empire.
That had been a large part in her and Tech’s decision to start a family. Surprisingly, it had been his idea first, explaining how his unconventional childhood led him to wonder if he would be a good father.
She asked him if he would like the chance to be one, as she decided it was her desire as long as Tech was brave enough to withstand the Empire.
Pabu is a satisfactory location for child rearing. The Empire has no record of it, according to Crosshair.
And then came the series of heartbreaks. Losing two pregnancies within six months had been so cruel after taking so long to conceive in the first place.
And the third time she found out she was pregnant, she could not bear to tell him until she knew it was true.
She went to see the midwife alone, which may have been a mistake. She was not emotionally prepared for the realization that she was, not carrying one child but three at one point. The babies that would become Jai and Kenza, and an undeveloped sac that was almost a third.
For three months she snuck off to appointments, and Tech was none the wiser until he confronted her.
She regretted waiting so long, now that she knew the outcome. But she also wanted to guard their hearts.
Speaking of heart, Jai and Kenza were both resting their heads above hers. They were drawn to her heartbeat, even syncing up their own to it.
The soft skin of their bodies kept her chest warm, although it was mostly her own body heat doing the work.
Tech would have all sorts of scientific explanations for what was happening, but Phee could sum it up in one word.
Love.
The love she had for her babies. The love they had for her. The love Tech had for all of them.
Phee allowed herself to close her eyes.
Her body would wake her when they needed her.