Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Are you sure about this? You know, we can turn around. Like right now.”

You were currently riding in the back seat of Arin’s car, smushed between Dan and Barry. Arin and Suzy were in the front, while the other grumps were piled into Ross’s car that was travelling behind you. It had taken some serious planning and months of begging (most of which directed towards Danny), but you had finally succeeded at dragging everyone out for a beach day. You had been living in California for what seemed like ages, and it had always bothered you that you had never visited any of its beautiful shores before. You had always loved the beach; the sand, the sun, and the salty air always gave you a high like no other place could. Despite this, you had a huge fear of actually going in the water. Every time you considered making the first step into water deeper than mid-shin, images of sea creatures nibbling off your toes, stinging your legs, or stabbing your feet always sent you running away to the dry sand, fear overshadowing any thoughts of a pleasant outcome. But you had decided that this time was going to be different. This time you were going in. You grabbed Dan’s shaky hand and held it firmly in your own in attempt to calm his nerves, if only slightly.

“We’re not turning around. You’re gonna be fine. You’ll see.”

This had been an attempt to comfort yourself just as much as him. You were good at hiding your anxiety, better than Dan, having needed to do so most of your life just to be able to function normally. You had also learned that the best way to deal with your fears was facing them head on. This was your goal for today, and hopefully you could help Dan in the process. But it didn’t stop you from feeling that all-too familiar knot in the pit of your stomach or the tightening in your chest when you looked out the window and saw those gorgeously terrifying blue waves. You took in a deep breath as slowly as you could, trying to steady your rampant pulse and prevent yourself from getting a full-blown attack. It was crucial that you kept your façade intact; you had a man ready to jump out of this moving car. If you stayed calm, he would, too.

After a few more minutes, Arin parked, waiting to turn the car off until Ross parked beside you. Everyone began to get out of the car to stretch out their muscles after such a long drive. Everyone except Dan. His grip on your hand tightened, keeping you from exiting the car. You watched him carefully, reading his face to get a sense of just how nervous he actually was.

“There’s nothing to be scared of, babe.”

“You know that. I know that. But it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“I know.”

“I’m freaking the fuck out, ____. I don’t think I can do this.”

“Yes you can. If I’m going to do it, you are, too. And we don’t have to get in right away. We’ll take baby steps.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“… Alright,” he huffed. He opened the door and got out, finally relinquishing your hand from the death-grip he had on it. You followed suit, and after closing the door behind you, you turned to lean up on your toes and kiss him on the cheek.

“C’mon. Let’s do this shit.” Grabbing his hand, you ran to catch up with the others, who had gone ahead of you to scope out a good spot on the sand.

You had done plenty of research when making a decision on which beach to go to. You had ultimately decided on one that had a constant flow of visitors, but wasn’t overcrowded. You didn’t want to have a lot of people watching if something disastrous were to happen. But you still wanted people there to watch, purposely dangling the threat of embarrassment over your head if you did in fact chicken out. You knew how to corner yourself into coming out of your shell, and used it to your advantage frequently. This time was no different.

You and Dan approached the others, who had chosen a spot about halfway in between where the cars were parked and the water. As the umbrellas were being set up, you busied yourself with the task of removing your swimsuit cover and slathering every inch of your body in sunscreen. The last thing you wanted was to go home looking and feeling like a cooked lobster. This gave Dan the opportunity to help you with your back, a chance that he couldn’t resist taking. His movements were tender; careful and meticulous at covering every inch of visible skin. You knew he was focusing on you to divert his thoughts from the dread of what was coming next, so you let him take his time, enjoying his gentle touch while you looked out onto the beautiful blue horizon. When he finished, he slid his arms around your bare torso and planted a kiss on the side of your face before following your gaze to stare at the waves with you.

“Isn’t it pretty?” You asked, your voice low enough for only him to hear.

“Yeah.”

“Let’s get closer.” His hold on you tightened and he buried his face into the crook of your neck.

“I don’t wanna.”

“Don’t be a baby, I’m not asking you to dive in, I just wanna get my feet wet.”

He didn’t answer right away, preferring to maintain his quiet position with you. You didn’t rush him though, allowing him time to battle his own demons; instead you let your mind wander. You watched Arin and Ross sprint towards the water and smiled, wishing the two of you could be that brave as they screamed and splashed away, already waist-deep in the water. You took a moment appreciate everyone’s distance from you both, giving you the time and space to coax Dan as gently and as slowly as you needed. You had the most experience with this sort of thing, after all. Turning your head, you caught Suzy watching the two of you from her sprawled position beside Holly under the umbrellas, and you exchanged a gentle smile with her. Barry and Kevin were sitting on her other side, chatting about who knows what. You loved these guys like they were your second family. After another moment, you shifted in your spot and patted Dan’s arm.

“C’mon, I don’t wanna stand here all day.”

“For someone who’s scared of the water, you’re pretty eager to get in.”

“I’m usually good until it’s to my knees.”

“Well good for you.”

“Quit being sassy and let’s go,” you said, wriggling out of his grasp. You turned around and started pulling his shirt off, giggling.

“Hey, try to keep it PG, nobody wants to see you be all gross in public.” You and Dan both raised a middle finger in Barry’s direction, inciting laughter among everyone there. You threw the shirt in the pile of clothes and shoes that had accumulated during set-up.

Dan held your hand tightly as the two of you began making the trek to the water’s edge. He seemed somewhat comfortable until you reached the wet sand, where he pulled you to a stop.

“Let’s just wait here a minute.”

“Nope, we’re getting our feet wet.”

“____-“

Before he had time to finish saying your name, you had grabbed both of his hands and backed up into the water, yanking him along with you. You stopped when you felt the tide rush over your feet. You kept your eyes on him, watching his reaction.

“H-… H-holy shit…”

“See? It’s not so bad,” you giggled.

“Yeah? Yeah… Yeah.” You watched his expression of panic slowly melt into one of ease. This was good. This was progress. The two of you stood there for a few minutes, looking at each other with what you could only imagine as big, goofy grins on your faces. When you felt like the moment was right, you tried backing up some more, but Dan held your hands firmly, keeping you from moving any further.

“Nope. We’re good right here.”

“Just a little deeper.”

“You wanted your feet wet. They’re wet. We’re fine right here.” There was no amusement left in his face. His tone sounded stern, almost angry. You knew this harshness was coming from a place of fear, which is why you weren’t really phased by it and continued to press the subject.

“We’ll be okay. There’s nothing to be scared of.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Dan, stop it. We’re going in deeper.”

“Look, we’re-”

“Dan.”

“_____-”

“Dan.”

“Please, I don’t-”

“DAN.”

“Whaaaat…” he whined, scrunching his face up like a child. You half-expected him to stomp his foot. You removed a hand from his to grab his chin, forcing him to look at you.

“Just keep your eyes on me. Don’t think about anything else, just focus on looking at me.”

“Okay…” He said, letting out a shaky breath. “Okay.”

Returning your hand to his, you started backing up slowly, never breaking eye contact with him. You felt the water gradually rise up your legs as you advanced deeper, and his breathing became heavier. You kept going despite this, your next goal being knee-deep, the point where it would start getting scary for you.

The water was warm, and felt wonderful flowing around your legs. You took one final step backwards, and waited for a response from him. He was rubbing his thumbs over your knuckles nervously, refusing to break eye contact with you for even a split second. You did, however, when you turned to watch Arin and Ross continue their splashing a few meters away. You turned to look back up at Dan, who had closed his eyes, attempting to block out his surroundings. You squeezed his hands reassuringly.

“You’re doing great. Take your time, we’ll stay here as long as you need to.” He simply nodded, preferring to keep his eyes shut.

“You’re okay, focus on breathing.” He nodded again, and you watched as his labored breaths relaxed. You brought his hands up to kiss them, and as you did, he finally opened his eyes.

“Look at you. You’re in the ocean.”

“Don’t remind me,” he deadpanned. You kicked some water at him and giggled. Chuckling, he tugged you closer to him and let go of your hands to grab your face and pull you into a soft and sweet kiss.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, but don’t think it’s over yet. We’re only halfway there.”

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” he whined, moving his hands to your waist and plopping his head on your shoulder.

“Nope. You ready?”

“No, but it’s not like I have a choice.”

“You really don’t,” you laughed, hugging him. Your stomach felt heavy. You would have preferred to stay where you were or turn around then, but you were very aware of the careful eye the rest of the grumps had on you, and they would never let you live it down if you chickened out. You sighed deeply, grabbing Dan’s hands again.

“Alright. Let’s do this.”

Every cell in your body was screaming at you to get out, but you pushed past it as you slowly stepped deeper into the water. You focused on keeping your breathing even and staring at Dan; the same tools you had told him to use. Forcing yourself to not think of all the deadly creatures that shared the water with you was not an easy task, however, and as the water started to hit mid-thigh, your panic became too much and you stopped. You squeezed your eyes shut and took a few deep breaths in the hopes of slowing your racing heart. A sudden warmth fell upon your hands, jolting you out of your terror-filled thoughts. Your eyes snapped open and you saw that Dan had now brought your hands up to hold against his lips. You relaxed a little, letting out a sigh. His eyes met yours and he gave you a reassuring smile.

“There’s nothing to be scared of, remember? We’re okay, like you said.” You were surprised at him, honestly. You would have expected him to run off at the first sign of weakness. But instead, the roles had completely switched, and now he was the strong one, comforting you when you were ready to give up.

This was no time to back out now. Not when you were so close to your goal.

“Yeah… We’ve totally got this.”

“Yeah, and the sooner we do it, the sooner we can get the hell out.” You couldn’t help but crack up a little at his statement, mostly because you were beginning to feel the same way. But you knew you had to finish this, and you were so close you could taste it.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed the panic down and took a step backward.

Then another.

Then another.

Before you could even register it, you were making your final step. The water hit just under your chest, waist-deep for Dan. The two of you stood there in silence, staring at each other, processing the situation you were in.

You were currently waist-deep in the ocean. The ocean. The massive body of water that you had both been terrified of for years. You were the first to speak up.

“…Holy shit.”

“Yeah…”

“We’re literally in the ocean right now.”

“Yeah…”

“Whoa.”

“Yeah…”

Then you did something completely unexpected. You let go of his hands. You looked around. You kicked your feet. You were fine. A huge grin erupted on your face as this realization hit you. Dan, still preferring to stay completely still in his spot, responded with a half-amused, half-confused look.

“We’re in the fucking ocean!!” You beamed.

“I know,” he replied, your contagious smile making its way to his face.

“Oh my God!” you screamed, leaping into his arms. His unpreparedness caused him to stumble back, but he quickly regained his balance, the both of you bursting into giggles and exchanging exclamations of joy and disbelief. Hearing whooping from a few meters away, the two of you turned to see Ross and Arin cheering you on. Responding with cheering of your own, Dan spun you in circles and you erupted into laughter. It was quickly silenced with a sudden and passionate kiss, and you melted into his arms. He broke the kiss and set you down, touching his forehead to your own.

“So as much as I’d like to be all happy and cheery with you right now, I’d really like it better if we continued it back on land.” Wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing his nose, you giggled lightly.

“Alright, pretty boy. I guess you’ve accomplished enough for today.” Without a pause or hesitation, he scooped you up bridal-style and quickly carried you out of the water, all the way back to where the others were situated under the umbrellas. He promptly set you down and plopped onto an empty towel, patting a spot beside him for you to sit. You joined him, and spent the rest of your time there snuggled against one another under the shade, watching the others come and go and enjoying the company of everyone there.

Chapter Text

The previous 12 hours or so had gone by so quickly that your barely conscious brain struggled to remember the series of events that packed them. The hospital room you were quietly situated in was no longer dark; the light of a new morning peeking in from behind the curtains. You had no idea how long you had slept for, but whether it had been five minutes or five hours, you still felt immensely better and more rested. You laid there with your eyes closed for no amount of time in particular, simply enjoying the silence of the new room. You had been moved to recovery before you had fallen asleep, leaving behind with it the obnoxious monitors and IVs. It was nice finally having the peace and quiet you so desperately wanted. This silence you were currently appreciating, however, was broken by the sound of a familiar voice, soft and gentle.

“Hey, sweet girl.”

You turned your head to the side to watch your husband move to sit in a chair by the window, cradling a small bundle in his arms. A child.

Your child.

Your daughter.

The last few hours flooded back into your mind in vivid detail.

The anxiety you felt as you were being rolled to the operating room. His hand holding onto yours tightly as you laid there on the table, straining to hear what the doctors were saying as they worked on you from behind the curtain that blocked your view. The indescribable joy and relief you felt as the screams of a healthy new life rang through the room. Watching the tears roll down his cheeks as his eyes fell upon the round pink face of your daughter for the very first time. It was so loud and fast and electric; a moment the two of you had been anticipating for months. The excitement died down after that. The doctors closed you up while others removed all of the needles and wires from your body. You were transferred to the recovery floor, exhausted and peaceful, fully absorbed in the beautiful life that rested in your arms. It wasn’t long after that when nurses came in to take her away for all of her routine tests, allowing you both some time to rest. They must have come back with her while you were sleeping, which gave Dan the opportunity to have some one-on-one time to bond.

“You’re so beautiful, just like your mom.”

His hair was a complete mess. He was wearing the same clothes from yesterday. His unshaven beard and dark circles only further conveyed his complete exhaustion. He probably hadn’t slept at all. But despite all this, his eyes still sparkled, accompanying the huge grin that was plastered across his face as he looked down at his little girl. He hadn’t noticed you yet, and you remained quiet, watching this beautiful scene unfold.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen her as happy as she was when she saw you. We’ve been waiting a long time to meet you, you know.”

Hot tears well up in your eyes and you let them spill over and roll down your cheeks. There was so much love in his voice when he spoke to her. Your heart swelled watching him fall so deeply. He moved to lay her on his lap in the sunlight and loosened the blanket she was swaddled in so that he could see her better. You watched him as he traced a gentle finger over the little features of her face. The goofy grin had been replaced with a soft endearing smile as silence fell over him, his focus shifting to memorizing what she looked like in that very moment: so tiny and vulnerable, so new and full of life. A small gasp escaped his lips as she grabbed onto his finger, and his lip quivered.

“You’re always gonna be daddy’s little girl.” His voice cracked when he said his, and he wiped the back of his hand across his face to brush away the tears that had escaped.

Dan had always wanted to have kids, but he never knew if he was ever going to be able to. Hell, he was almost 40 when the two of you got married, and it had only been a year into your marriage when you found out you were pregnant. This was something that had seemed like it was never going to happen a few years ago. But now here you were, in a hospital room, watching him quietly relish in these first real hours of fatherhood. You couldn’t help but feel like you had brought him this miracle, this chance at experiencing something he never thought he would get.

You sniffled, finally allowing yourself to wipe the tears off of your own face. His head shot up to look at you, startled at the unexpected noise. He relaxed as soon as his eyes met yours, and the smile returned to his face.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Silence fell between the two of you. No words felt good enough to fill the tender pause in conversation. But just then, you heard the whimpering of your daughter in Dan’s lap, and both your gazes fell to her.

“Uh…”

“Wrap her back up, she’s probably cold,” you giggled.

“Oh- Uh… Yeah, right…” He fiddled with the blanket for a few seconds, absolutely stumped at how to re-swaddle her. His awkward fidgeting with the fabric accompanied with the panicked stare he gave you incited more giggling, and you carefully scooted over in your bed and patted the empty spot beside you.

“Bring her here, I‘ll show you.”