Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Xana:

Despite dreaming every night about the glorious possibility of escape, I never actually thought I would have the chance to do so. It was my quiet comfort, the only thing that got me through the long hours in the dark place. No, I didn’t think it would happen, but I ran like hell when it did.

The Strangers’ house was practically in the middle of nowhere, parked deep into a forest that gave them plenty of cover for their lovely little operations. As I sprinted across the deck and out into the seemingly endless expanse of trees, I offered up a quick prayer that this time it would serve me well instead.

There was no time for stealing a coat or pair of shoes, and it wasn’t long before my feet had been torn by thorns and my arms scratched by sharp branches. There would be a blood trail, something that they would surely be smart enough to notice. Thankfully for me, they also were the geniuses who kidnapped the best long-distance runner on her track and field team. Granted, two years of captivity left me a little out of practice, but I had the lead. I just had to use it wisely.

My lungs were burning viciously by the time I first heard my name being screamed somewhere far behind me. I’d made it at least five miles, but my feet were a bloody mess, and I could feel the world starting to spin around me. They were going to catch up to me if I didn’t do something fast, and I didn’t want to even think about what they would do to me then.

That was when I stumbled upon a driveway that led up to a charming two-story house. It didn’t have the threatening feel of the Strangers’ house. In fact, something about it felt safe. I wasted no time in rushing to the front door, rapping on it sharply before I could lose my nerve.

This could work. I just needed to persuade whoever lived here to let me hide until it was safe for me to try to venture on. It felt like a solid, secure plan. That is, until the door swung open and my every muscle froze.

A tall man stood in the door frame, looking nearly as surprised as I was. He couldn’t have been over twenty-four, making him maybe five years older than me. With ruffled blonde hair and a kind face, something that I certainly wasn’t used to seeing, it should have been a good sign. Except for the fact that I was already familiar with Kieran Thorne.

Kieran Thorne, who belonged to a small, select group of odd individuals, had the peculiar ability of having extreme control over various parts of his body, such as his stomach. Thanks to the invention of a rare serum that could shrink people, said group gained quite a bit of power. Some of them used it for evil purposes that even put the Strangers to shame. Then there were the ones like Kieran, who, rather than using their ability as a twisted way to hurt people, used it in a constructive way. Most of them, such as Kieran, turned it into a business of sorts. People paid them to shrink and swallow them safely, and they’d all become very popular from it.

“Theresa Evans?” He asked, eyeing me incredulously. “I was under the impression that you were no longer able to make it today. Did you change your mind?”

I glanced over my shoulder nervously, fully aware of the way Kieran was watching me closely.

How could I have possibly forgotten how close their house was to his? I thought with growing alarm. He thinks that I’m a client! He…he’s going to…

I turned back around, my eyes momentarily falling fearfully to his middle. After all I’d gone through, why did this have to be the price for my freedom?

“Y-yes,” I finally stammered, and I silently prayed that I hadn’t run out of time. “That’s me. I…I’ve changed my mind.”

Invite me in, I nearly begged. They’re so close. Please just invite me in.

He raised an eyebrow, and I watched as his eyes slowly traveled from my tangled hair and worn clothes to my bloody bare feet. I braced myself for the rejection, but his face quickly shifted back to warm and welcoming. “Excellent! Just follow me inside, and we can get started.”

“Okay,” I whispered as he strode ahead of me.

He was going to eat me. I was willingly going to let him eat me. The thought alone was enough to make my entire body tremble. What have I done?

The thought swirled frantically through my mind as I let the door fall shut behind me. The added barrier between myself and the Strangers at least brought a minuscule amount of comfort, but I had no doubt that they would be willing to go door to door. Even if I wanted nothing to do with this, I had no choice but to hope it progressed quickly.

Kieran:

There was absolutely no question that the girl on my doorstep was not my client. Theresa Evans was a middle-aged woman with quite a bit of money to her name. This girl, on the other hand, could maybe be twenty at best, was rail thin with rags for clothes, and was covered in scars, cuts, and bruises. And with the way that she kept glancing over her shoulder, it was clear that she was trying to get away from someone.

It was a sight that more than turned my stomach, but I did my best to hide it as I welcomed her inside. Clearly, she needed somewhere to hide, and that, thankfully, was something that I could more than help with.

She was hesitant to follow behind, but eventually, she joined me in the living room. My eyes fell to the silver medallion around her neck, and I cringed at what I was about to do.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll need to take your necklace from you until our session is over,” I said, to which she clutched at it desperately. “I will be very careful with it,” I added gently, and after a moment of hesitation, she carefully placed it in the center of my palm.

I smiled before setting it on the coffee table, but I found myself momentarily faltering. Normally, this would be when I would have gone over the payment, but this was far from a normal case. I would have to improvise.

“Are you familiar with the process?” I finally asked. “Do you have any questions or concerns you would like to go over before we proceed?”

“H-how long does it last?” She said in a suddenly small voice.

“Well, typically, it goes for about an hour. For those who are willing to pay more, they can be longer. Your initial message suggested that you were interested in longer?”

Her eyes fell to my stomach, and she paled significantly. “Um, yes, please.”

“Alright, then!” I said brightly before motioning for her to follow me to the bathroom. It was probably a pointless attempt, but I couldn’t help but hope that I could somehow make her feel a little more comfortable. “If you want a minute to wash up or anything before we start, this is your chance. Feel free to take your time.”

She nodded stiffly before stepping inside, and I sighed softly once the door shut behind her. This just might be the most disturbing thing that I had ever seen, and that was saying something. There was even a light trail of blood across the floor from her feet, and I had to force down the growing urge to be sick. What on earth happened to her?

I forced a smile when she reemerged but dropped it almost immediately upon her turning around. Her clothes were practically hanging off of her, and I could easily see a section of her upper back. She had looked thin when I first saw her, but this was a completely different story. Each vertebra was grotesquely pronounced to the point of being borderline skeletal, and her skin was covered in bruises in various stages of healing. I had never seen anything like it.

She was having a difficult time masking her fear now. By the time she sat down on the couch, she was shaking. It was time to drop the act.

“So,” I said lightly as I opened a small pack of antiseptic wipes. “What’s your actual name?”

Her entire body stiffened. “What?”

“I know you aren’t my client. And that’s okay! But, if you don’t mind, I would like to know your name.”

She stared at me distrustingly for a minute, and I had just begun to wonder if I’d made a grave mistake when she quietly murmured, “Xana.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Xana, but I’m sorry that it’s under these circumstances.” I glanced briefly towards the door, which I knew could be pounded on at any minute, before returning my attention to what I was doing. “Who are you running from?”

She swallowed hard. “The Strangers. They’re part of a, um…trafficking ring. I-I can’t let them find me. They’ll kill me if they do.”

“And you want me to hide you?”

Her eyes once again fell to my middle. “I…y-yes.”

My face softened. “How familiar are you with what I do?”

“You eat people.”

“Right, but it’s completely safe. I’ll inject you with the serum that shrinks you down, give you a minute to adjust, and swallow you. I’ll be as gentle as I can. You don’t need to be scared.”

“Okay,” she whispered, and I took that as my okay to continue.

“Could I see your arm?” I asked, and after she somewhat hesitantly complied, I began the process of cleaning the injection site. When I picked up the syringe, however, a look of terror came over her.

What did these people do to her?

“It’s just the serum,” I said gently, and she relaxed only slightly. “It’s only going to shrink you, nothing else. You’ll barely feel a thing.”

She gave a little nod, and her eyes quickly shut as I brought the syringe to the crook of her elbow.

It really was only a small needle. I’d heard of the others choosing to have people ingest the serum before, but that made for a slow, uncomfortably drawn-out process if the person was at their normal size, and I didn’t want that for my clients. Most of them claimed that they only felt a slight pinch, but Xana wasn’t like my clients. Clearly, there was some sort of trauma surrounding this, and it didn’t matter that we were short on time. I had to handle this delicately.

I lightly took her arm in my hand, saying, “Quick poke in three, two, one…” She whimpered sharply the moment it pierced her skin, and while removing it, I realized with a start that there were tears trickling slowly down her cheeks. “It’s alright,” I said softly. “It’s not going to hurt you. It won’t feel that comfortable, but that’s all. You can trust me.”

And with that, her body began to shrink.

Xana:

It was like every part of my skin was somehow being pinched together. It wasn’t painful, necessarily, but it was so uncomfortable that I couldn’t help but try to fight against it. A gentle hand touched my arm, accompanied by the surprisingly soothing sound of Kieran’s voice, and just as quickly as it started, everything stopped.

“Don’t open your eyes yet,” Kieran said, his voice now sounding much louder than it had before. “You’ll need a minute to adjust.”

I breathed in sharply at his words. The Strangers' voices were swirling through my mind now, demanding that I keep my eyes shut so that I couldn’t see them coming. Maybe I wasn’t there right now, but that did nothing to stop my eyes from flying open, and I understood immediately why I wasn’t supposed to.

Everything was massive. While I had previously been almost as long as the couch, I was now small enough that I was at risk of falling between the cushions. I was maybe five inches tall at best, and while I was perfectly aware that this was going to happen, that didn’t stop the startled yelp that escaped me when I saw Kieran.

Kieran was a giant. An actual giant, and I couldn’t suppress the instincts that had me scrambling to get away. The only problem was that I was still incredibly disoriented, which led to me dizzily stumbling over the edge of the couch. The very same couch that was now very, very far away from the ground. I squeezed my eyes shut as I braced myself for the plunge, but my fall was promptly cushioned by something warm and soft.

“And that would be why I asked you to keep your eyes closed.”

I warily opened my eyes to find myself cradled in the palm of Kieran’s hand, which was so big that I was maybe the size of his thumb. I shook lightly as his fingers curled protectively around my back, and I hastily wiped away a stray tear from my cheek as he brought me up to be level with his chest. Maybe his clients were a little afraid when they got to this part, too, but they signed up for this. This was something that they had sought out and wanted to do. I ended up here by accident, and this just so happened to be my best option for survival. And judging by the look of concern on Kieran’s face, he was well aware of that.

“You’re safe, Xana,” he said, his voice just soft enough that it wasn’t overwhelming. He really did have all of this mastered. “I know it doesn’t feel like it, but I promise that the people you’re running from aren’t going to be able to lay a finger on you. You can trust me.”

I stared up at him apprehensively. He had such a kind face. It was almost jarring, considering where I had come from, and that made it terrifying. It had been years since I could trust anyone, and now I was vulnerable in a way that I hadn’t even realized was possible and completely reliant on another person. If Kieran turned on me I would be even more fucked than I was that awful night two years ago.

“Do you swear?” I asked meekly. “You aren’t going to hurt me?”

His eyes widened in surprise. “Of course. I know the situation, ah, probably makes that a little hard to believe, but I swear that I have no desire to cause you any harm.”

The genuineness of his response brought me a little bit of comfort, but it vanished almost immediately when it dawned on me what came next. My eyes lowered to Kieran’s stomach, the place where I was about to be, and a harsh tremor went through me. It might not be the dark place, but the sheer amount of similarities between them just might make that fact entirely irrelevant.

I felt myself be raised higher into the air, where I was much closer to Kieran’s face. At first, it made me want to cower, but his eyes were nothing but caring. “You don’t need to be afraid. I know it’s really overwhelming, but I promise that everything about this is safe. The swallowing part might be a little uncomfortable, but it’s very quick-”

BAM BAM BAM

I froze, my every muscle tensed as Kieran’s head snapped towards the door.

“Oh God,” I whispered. “They’re here.”

Chapter Text

Kieran:

My eyes went from the door back to Xana, who was trembling violently in the palm of my hand. I’d never seen someone look so terrified, and it was infuriating. Sure, I barely knew her, but it didn’t take a genius to figure out what they’d been doing to her. There was no way I could let them get her back.

She was starting to hyperventilate now, her tiny chest rising and falling so fast that she was well on her way to passing out. If they banged on the door again, she just might. I had to get her down.

“Xana, hey, it’s alright,” I said, cupping one hand around her just in case. “I’m going to protect you, okay? They’re not going to get you. Now, just try to relax. It’s going to be alright.”

It was immediately clear that her fear of the people on the other side of the door was much greater than her fear of being eaten. When I brought her to my mouth, she nearly crawled in herself. I used my tongue to help her along, drawing her into my mouth as carefully as I could manage. I couldn’t help but notice how much more pronounced her trembling was as she settled on my tongue, and I fought against the urge to immediately pull her back out. There were multiple occasions where I’d had clients who were a little nervous to be swallowed, but it was never to such an extent. Even despite knowing that it was not entirely directed towards me, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. Another loud knock on the door, however, made me forget it all.

I slowly tilted my head back, and as gently as I could manage, I swallowed. Her tiny form slipped effortlessly into my throat, and another, stronger one sent her well on her way.

I waited until I felt her slide into my stomach before approaching the door. I would have liked to speak with her first, but if I waited too long, it would only make me look more suspicious. Xana was safe within me, that much was true, but these were dangerous people.

There was another insistent knock, and I squared my shoulders before opening the door.

They didn’t look the way I’d imagined. I expected to see people who looked, well, monstrous. Instead, there was a man and a woman, both maybe in their late thirties as most, who looked unnervingly normal. They wore normal, casual clothing, and they looked relatively put together. If it hadn’t been for the way that their friendly smiles didn’t reach their eyes, I would have almost wondered if these were the wrong people.

“Hi, so sorry about that,” I said with an apologetic smile. “How can I help you?”

“Well, we’re in quite a pinch,” the woman said sweetly. “Our daughter, she’s a teenager with some behavioral issues, and she’s run off. We were hoping that maybe you could have seen her. She has long, dark brown hair, around five foot three?”

Said brunette girl was completely still inside me, and I didn’t doubt that she was listening closely to their every word. I resisted the urge to bring a hand to my stomach, instead forcing myself to frown sympathetically. “I’m so sorry to hear that. I wish I could help, but I haven’t seen anyone. If you give me a number to reach you, though, I could call you if she turns up?”

“That won’t be necessary,” she said with a thin smile. “Thank you for your time.”

“No problem. I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.”

“That’s alright.” They turned to leave, and I nearly sighed in relief. The feeling passed quickly, however, when she glanced over her shoulder, saying, “By the way, there’s some blood on your doorstep. In fact, there’s quite a bit leading up to your house. I would clean that up if I were you.”

An icy chill shot down my spine, and when I finally shut the door, Xana’s period of stillness came to an abrupt end.

“Do you have a back door?” She demanded, and I was startled by the sharpness in her voice.

“Yeah, I do,” I said, already hating where this was likely going. “Why?”

“You need to leave. Like, immediately. They know I was here, and that means they’re going to watch you. But they need to make a plan first, so you need to get out before they can trap you.”

“Alright, alright.” I lightly touched at my stomach before hurrying to locate my backpack. I threw in some clothes, my wallet, my cellphone, as many extra serums as I could fit, and, after a second thought, the silver medallion that Xana had been so concerned about.

“Are you leaving yet?” She asked with the same sharp tone as I quietly opened the back door. Thankfully, I lived not that far outside the city. I could make it there on foot within the hour once I got out of the woods, which would hopefully give me enough cover to get away.

“I am right now, don’t worry,” I said, and I wasted no time in crossing the yard so that I could gain the added cover of the trees. “I can get us to the city, and they’ll have a much more difficult time keeping track of us. We’ll make a plan from there.”

She seemed satisfied enough by that answer, but as the next half an hour went by, I noticed a change in her. She’d curled up tighter, her breaths gradually turning more rapid as her body started to tremble. I paused my stride, ducking behind the trunk of a tree.

“Xana…” I said slowly. “What’s going on?”

She was muttering, and I only just managed to make out “the dark place”.

My eyebrows furrowed. “What’s the dark place?”

“They would lock me in,” she said, curling herself even tighter. “When I disobeyed, they made me crawl inside- There’s no light. Nothing. Just darkness for hours and hours while the walls close in-”

No light. Fuck.

“And this reminds you of the dark place?” I asked, and I felt her frantically nod her head. This was not going to be easy. “Okay…well, there’s not much I can do about it being dark, but why don’t we try focusing on something else? You can hear my heartbeat, right? Try listening to that.” I held still for a while, focusing on taking slow, deep breaths as her tremors gradually started to lessen. I cautiously rested my hand over her, and when she didn’t move away, I rubbed at her gently. “I don’t know what those people did to you, Xana, but I promise that you’re safe. You’re not trapped, and I’m not going to hurt you. This isn’t the dark place.”

Her tiny form burrowed closer to my hand, and something about it touched my heart in a way nothing ever had. I’d had clients of all kinds, several of whom had done something very similar, but this was different. I barely knew anything about Xana, but I felt connected to her somehow. Maybe it was just because I knew that she was relying on me to protect her, but I knew that I couldn’t let anything happen to her.

“I’ll keep you safe,” I murmured. “I promise.”

I stayed where I was, continuing to rub at her until she gave a long, shuddering breath.

“I-I’m okay,” she stammered, but she stayed curled against my hand all the same. “You need to keep moving. I’ve got it now. Don’t worry about it.”

I resumed my course, but I couldn’t help but frown at her choice of words. “You don’t have to do that. If something scares you, I want you to tell me. Especially if you’re inside me.”

“I said I’ve got it,” she snapped, her body curling even tighter.

“Right, got it. But we’re kind of in this together, so I just want you to know that it’s okay if you could use some help.”

She gave a small hmph in response, and I decided to let it slide for now. She was probably used to fending for herself, but I couldn’t help but hope that I would be able to earn a bit more of her trust.

Otherwise, this was going to be exceptionally difficult.

Xana:

Even once the worst had passed, the darkness continued to wear on me. Kieran’s advice actually had been useful, and the constant, steady beating of his heart around me was one of the only things that was keeping me grounded in reality. Not that this reality was particularly swell by any means, but it was certainly better than that.

I hesitantly settled down against the wall behind my back. The gentle pressure of Kieran’s hand had a surprisingly comforting effect, and I subconsciously leaned into it further. It made the darkness feel less threatening, less like the dark place. But he didn’t need to know that.

Kieran had been nothing but kind, and if it was my old self in this situation, she would have put all of her faith in him without a second thought. But I’d seen the Strangers interact with other people. They were friendly, polite, welcoming. Even evil people can disguise themselves, and they can be pretty fucking convincing. Granted, I didn’t think that Kieran was evil. He was too soft to be like the Strangers. It was enough to get me to trust him when I was desperate, but I had to be careful now. You don’t have to be evil to cause harm, and I’d already been hurt enough.

My eyes began to grow heavy as his walking rocked my little cavern, and I fought my hardest to keep them open. Being cut off from the world was already hard enough. I didn’t need to be unconscious on top of it.

“Kieran?” I asked, pushing back somewhat uncertainly against his hand. “Where are we?”

“Just about to enter the city. There’s a paved walking trail that I just crossed onto that leads into the park. I figured that would draw less attention than sneaking in like a criminal. From there, I’ll mix in with the crowds,” he said, and I startled when the pressure against me vanished. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you, but I’m going to need to try to blend in. When I’m in the crowds, it’ll be easier, but I have to be careful for a little bit here.”

“Oh, okay. J-just…be careful.”

We’d barely spoken in the last thirty minutes, but suddenly, his silence felt deafening. I tugged my knees closer to my chest, and I tried to ignore the fact that the missing touch made the darkness feel thicker.

You’re fine. This isn’t the dark place. You’re fine.

I tried to keep the thoughts as frequent as the beats of Kieran’s heart, to force the panic down as deep as I possibly could. His previous offer echoed in my mind. If I spoke up, he’d probably find a place where he could talk to me. He seemed like the type who would. But that wasn’t an option.

I pressed my face into my knees, locking my body into a position I knew well. I had to look out for myself. Even if it was tempting, I couldn’t cave in that easily. Not yet.

This is going to be so much harder than I thought.

Chapter Text

Xana:

Being inside Kieran was a confusing experience.

It was way too dark, for one. Without Kieran’s calming voice, it had a dangerous quality to it, like any moment it could swallow me up in the way I knew too well. There was also the fact that I had absolutely no idea what was happening on the outside. It felt like he’d been walking for hours, and he hadn’t said a single word. The only indication I had that he hadn’t completely forgotten about me was the occasional brush of his hand against his stomach. I knew why it had to be like that, but the feeling of isolation was well on its way to being crushing.

On the other hand, there were some things about it that… wasn’t so bad. Despite the obnoxious amount of saliva that I was covered in, it was way more comfortable than it had any right to be. Everything around me felt so soft, and the gentle pulse from his heart combined with the continuous heat was making it more and more difficult to keep my eyes open. That wasn’t an option, of course, but it was hard to ignore. It almost felt like a trap. How could I believe that someone so kind existed? Who in their right mind would be willing to do this for me?

As if sensing my distrustful thoughts, Kieran’s hand pressed in on me gently, and this time, he didn’t pull it back.

“How are you holding up?” He murmured. “I’m sorry I’ve been silent so long. I’m pretty deep in the city now, so they should have a hell of a time finding us for now.”

I swallowed hard, and I tried my best to hide my relief as I said, “I’m fine. Where are you going now? What time is it?”

He didn’t respond at first, but the way he carefully began rubbing at me told me that I probably wasn’t as convincing as I’d hoped.

“The sun’s going to be setting pretty soon, so I’d say around eight or so. I’m heading for a hotel, and don’t worry, I’m paying for it in cash. Just sit tight, okay? I’ll get you out again soon.”

“Okay,” I said, and some of the crippling unease began to lessen. I sank into the pressure of his hand, focusing harder on the sound of his calm breaths and the ever-present beating of his heart. I was alone in the dark place, but I wasn’t here. If I could hold onto that, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

The silence we fell into wasn’t so unsettling this time, and I continued to fight off my exhaustion as I heard Kieran speaking to a hotel staff member. If I really paid attention, I could almost feel it when he spoke. It was like light vibrations, all of which only made my eyelids grow heavier. Damn him for having such a soothing voice. It wasn’t fair.

I nearly lost my grip on my consciousness until I felt the distinct feeling of everything dropping, and then Kieran’s hand steadying me when I shot upright.

“Easy, easy…it’s alright. I’m in a hotel room, and I just sat down on the bed. Want out?”

“Y-yes,” I stammered. “I mean, please. Please let me out.”

His hand moved so that it was below me, and I felt a prickle of fear at the back of my mind. I couldn’t say that I had put much thought into how I got out of this particular situation, and the images that were coming to mind weren’t all that appealing. I tensed up, waiting for Kieran to force me back into his throat when he chuckled.

“You really don’t need to do that,” he said. “It’s not much different than the way down. It’s a little tight, but it’s quick and painless. Just take a deep breath, and I’ll start in three, two, one…”

I took a quick, deep breath just as his hand pressed slightly inward, and then I was in his throat again.

I expected it to be a terrifying, suffocating feeling, but the muscles of Kieran’s throat were far from threatening as they made relatively quick work of getting me back up. Before I knew it, I was bathed in light, and I found myself panting in a shallow pool of saliva in the palm of Kieran’s hand.

The outside air was frigid in comparison to the inside of his stomach, and I huddled uselessly against his fingers as he brought me level with his chest. I barely even registered being carried into the bathroom. The sensations, the brightness, and the sudden temperature change were overpowering. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I was quite literally being held very far away from the ground, I would have contemplated trying to flee. I was tiny, overwhelmed, and horrifyingly vulnerable, but a gentle prod from Kieran’s finger brought me back to the present.

There was a somewhat nervous smile on his lips as he gazed down at me, and it was with a practiced gentleness that he deposited me beside the bathroom sink. There was a vial of purple liquid in his other hand that was no smaller than me, and I shied away from it when he held it up.

“This is the serum that will unshrink you,” he explained. “Obviously, you’re too small for me to give you an injection, so this one is ingestible. Would you like me to give it to you?”

I nodded stiffly, and he produced what looked like a plastic water bottle cap from his pocket. He opened the vial, and with steady hands, he poured just enough of the fluid to fill it to the rim. He held it out to me, and after shooting him a distrustful glance, I began to drink.

It had a surprisingly sweet taste, almost like an assortment of berries. Once upon a time, that was something that I ate frequently and took for granted. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had something that tasted that good, and before I knew it, I’d drained the cap completely. My cheeks flushed as I hurriedly wiped my lip, and I averted my gaze when he laughed softly.

A warm smile tugged at the corner of his lips, one that threatened the walls I was desperately trying to build. “No need to be embarrassed, it was my goal to make it taste good. I’ll try to get you some real fruit if you like it that much.”

“You don’t have to-” I started, but stopped when I was hit by a wave of dizziness that nearly sent me to my knees. His warm palm steadied me, and I clung to it as an odd, uncomfortable feeling spread throughout my body.

“It’s just the serum. You’re okay…it’ll be over in a few seconds.”

I squeezed my eyes shut as the feeling intensified, and then as quickly as it started, everything stopped. The pressure of Kieran’s palm was gone, and his voice wasn’t as encompassing as before.

“You should be okay to open your eyes now, but I’m right here if you’re still feeling unsteady.”

I carefully cracked open one eye, then the other, and immediately sighed in relief. Rather than standing beside the sink, barely even taller than the faucet handles, I was sitting on top of the counter with my legs dangling over the side. Kieran was a few feet away, tucking the bottle cap and what remained of the serum back into his pocket. He still had yet to drop the act. We were alone, at a location that I didn’t even know. I was completely at his mercy, and he was still being nothing but polite and caring. The Strangers certainly didn’t hold out this long.

Kieran raised his eyebrows, and I realized with a start that I’d been staring. I opened my mouth to apologize, to at least say something, but I couldn’t find the words. How do you explain to somebody that you’re waiting for them to prove they’re no different than the people they rescued you from?

“I’m going to go wait in the other room,” he said slowly. “I’m sure you’d like to take a shower, and I brought you some clothes from-”

“A shower?” I repeated dumbly. The closest thing I’d had to a shower in two years was a bucket of somewhat soapy water.

Kieran’s face softened. “Well, yeah. Of course. And I’ve got some clothes for you too, just give me one second.”

My mind was spinning as he left the bathroom, and I couldn’t help but look at the shower as if it were some sort of novelty. None of this felt real, and judging by the look of sympathy on Kieran’s face when he reappeared holding a small bundle of clothing, he understood.

I hesitantly accepted it, muttering a small “Thank you” before he left. The t-shirt and athletic shorts would probably swallow me whole, but they were greatly appreciated as I removed my beyond-destroyed clothes. I made to reach for the shower curtain but stopped short when I caught sight of myself in the mirror.

The girl staring back at me was unrecognizable. Forget the fact that I was absolutely filthy, but I looked like I’d lost at least thirty pounds, and the collection of scars and injuries made my stomach turn violently. It couldn’t possibly be me, and yet somehow it was.

With a quick shake of my head, I turned my back and stepped into the shower. At least now I could scrub the remnants of that fucking hellhole from my skin, a thought that somehow managed to bring a shadow of a smile to my face.

It was a start, and it was a good one.

Kieran:

It had been at least thirty minutes when I heard Xana turn the shower off, and I certainly didn’t blame her. If it had been that long since I was allowed to take a shower, I’d want to take my time, too. That, and it also gave me time to get to work at postponing my upcoming appointments (including the actual Theresa Evans).

I looked up as I heard the click of the bathroom lock, and Xana emerged shortly after. Her damp hair was unknotted and clean, and all of the grime had been washed from her skin. As great as it was to see, in some ways, it made the physical proof of her abuse stand out even more, and I focused on keeping my expression neutral as she cautiously approached me.

“Why is there only one bed?” She asked skeptically.

“Because I took whatever they had available,” I explained, and after hitting send on the last email, I set my phone aside. “Besides, it’s a queen. I promise I won’t cross onto your side.”

I shifted over to the right side of the bed to emphasize my point, and after another period of distrustful staring, she slowly sat down on the opposite side.

Her teal eyes fell to where my phone rested on the bedspread. “What were you doing before?”

“Taking care of my appointments. I don’t want any of my clients showing up at my house when there could be dangerous people watching it.”

“You didn’t tell them where you are, did you?”

“No, I didn’t tell anyone anything about where I am or why.”

She nodded once, but I couldn’t tell if that meant she trusted me or if she still thought this was all some grand setup. It was heartbreaking. She had this hollow, faraway look in her eyes, and I didn’t doubt that she was thinking about the sick people that were on my doorstep. The Strangers, or at least that was what she called them. The thought alone made my hair stand on end.

My mind wandered back to when I’d first taken her in. Xana had an alarming ability to suppress her emotions, which was plenty apparent, but there was a moment where she’d completely fallen apart. When she thought my stomach was like “the dark place”.

The words were out before I could stop them. “What’s the dark place?”

Her head snapped in my direction, a mixture of shock and outrage in her eyes, and I knew that I’d royally fucked up.

“No!” She said before drawing her knees to her chest. Small tremors were going through her hands, and she balled them into fists. "That is none of your fucking business.”

Well, there goes any potential progress towards her trusting me.

I raised my hands in surrender. “You’re right, it’s not, and I’m so sorry. I…I just know you were really scared earlier, and I thought that maybe if I could understand, then I could help.”

Some of the fury faded from her eyes, and I realized then just how exhausted she really looked. The poor girl’s entire world was being flipped around, and here I was prying at something deeply personal.

“Look, it’s been an insane day for you,” I said softly. “Why don’t we just try to get some sleep?”

While I didn’t actually get any words of confirmation from Xana, she at least did get up and crawl under the covers. I gave her a minute to get settled, and when she turned on her side and closed her eyes, I shut off the light.

I didn’t actually plan on sleeping myself, at least not yet. I wanted to at least wait until it seemed like she’d fallen asleep, but just when I thought she might have, I heard her say, “I was seventeen years old. That’s how old I was when they took me.”

I turned so that I was facing her, but I didn’t dare speak, and she didn’t wait for me to.

“I used to be on the track and field team,” she continued, her voice so quiet I almost had to strain to hear her. “A few weeks leading up, I started noticing that this couple kept coming around during our practices, and I always thought it was kind of weird, but I ignored it. Then one night, I stayed late to do some practice myself, and when I started packing up to leave, I realized they were there again. I started feeling scared, so I grabbed my stuff as fast as I could and tried to get around them, but the woman stopped me. She…she apologized for scaring me. Said that they were new in town and that they were impressed by me. I think she said something about having a daughter who liked to run too and was interested in trying out for the team, and I let my guard down. The next thing I knew, the guy had a cloth over my face, and that was it.”

A tear slipped down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. “Xana…I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

The room fell silent again, and suddenly she sat up against the headboard. I turned the light back on, and I found her looking back at me with a hint of the fear I saw in her before.

“I can’t sleep here,” she whispered. “I- I don’t feel safe. Like if I let my guard down again for even a minute, they’re going to break into here and find me.”

“Well, would you feel safe…with me?”

Her eyes drifted down to my middle, and her cheeks flushed. “I think I might. I- is that okay?”

“Of course,” I said, already up and on my way to my backpack. “We’ll do things exactly like we did back at my house.”

Things moved much quicker the second time around, and Xana didn’t even cry when I injected her with the serum. Now she was sitting in the palm of my hand at only a few inches tall, and I was hit with a protective instinct so strong that it threw me off guard. She was allowing me to take care of her, and that was at least a small sign of trust.

“Are you ready?” I asked, and she nodded once in reply. “Alright. Just try to relax.”

I eased her into my mouth with as much care as I could manage, allowing her to settle on my tongue as my saliva slicked her up for the journey down. She was shaking a little, and it tugged sharply at my heartstrings, but there wasn’t much I could do about it. At least it could serve as yet another sign that I meant her no harm, and with that thought in mind, I swallowed her down.

I waited until I felt her enter my stomach before getting back into bed, and I rested my hand over her as I leaned against the headboard. Her tiny form was quick to nestle against the spot, and the protective instincts flared again.

“Better?” I asked softly.

“Yes,” she murmured. She already sounded half asleep. “Thank you, Kieran.”

A small smile tugged at my lips, and I rubbed at her gently. “Don’t mention it.”

Chapter Text

Xana:

I couldn’t remember the last time I had slept that well. God knows I never did during my time with the Strangers. It wasn’t hard to beat a few blankets on a cold floor, but I was pretty certain that it put my old bed to shame, too. My immense feeling of relaxation vanished, however, when I opened my eyes to nothing but darkness.

I sucked in a sharp breath, and my heart raced in my chest. The dark place? But how?

“Xana?”

I tensed at the sound, but when I felt a familiar pressure against me, I leaned into it. “K-Kieran?”

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you alright?”

“Um, y-yeah,” I stammered, although there were silent tears trickling down my cheeks. I was with Kieran, and, so far, Kieran was safe. I wasn’t back with the Strangers. I was in a place where they couldn’t reach me if they wanted to.

He started to gently rub at me, and I barely managed to stifle a sob. “Are you sure you’re okay? It’s morning, so I can let you out if you want-”

“No!” I cried and was immediately horrified by just how desperate I sounded. Showing vulnerability was dangerous in my world. Maybe that was changing, but I wasn’t sure enough yet. “I mean- can I please stay? I don’t know where they are, and I can’t let them see me.”

“Okay, but if you do, I’ll have to-”

“I don’t care,” I interjected. “Please, just don’t make me go out there.”

He paused, clearly considering something, and I subconsciously burrowed closer to his hand. It was growing frustratingly hard not to like him. For fuck’s sake, he was probably the most likable person I had ever met. And so far, he hadn’t turned on me despite having countless opportunities to do so. It all made my head spin.

I startled a little when I felt him move. It sounded like he was packing up his bag again.

“Where are you planning to go?” I asked.

“I think I’m going to take the subway to the other side of the city. I’ll find a new hotel from there. It seems safer to move locations than to stay in the same one for too long. Sound okay to you?”

The question slipped out before I could stop myself. “Will you still be able to talk to me?”

The rubs became a little firmer, and his voice softened. “Not always, but whenever I get the opportunity, I will,” he said. “But remember, even if I can’t speak with you, you’re not alone. I’m always paying attention. And if you get scared, just listen to my heartbeat, okay?”

“Okay,” I murmured, and with that, I felt Kieran shoulder his bag before leaving the room.

Little did Kieran know that being cut off from him terrified me instantly. I hated to admit it, but he had a soothing quality to him, and when your life is as fucked up as mine is, you can’t help but be drawn to it. I hadn’t been shown a hint of kindness in over two years, and the more he proved himself to be trustworthy, the more I clung to it. But he didn’t need to know all of that, so I curled up against the soft surface of Kieran’s stomach and began to listen to the calm beating of his heart.

---

At some point in time, Kieran’s heartbeat did a little too good of a job at calming me down, and I’d completely passed out. The only reason I woke up at all was because I felt the wall I was nearest to cave in slightly against my back.

“Sorry to wake you,” Kieran said, his voice so quiet that even I almost didn’t hear it. “I just got off of the subway, and I’m using my phone to scope out what hotels are around here.”

“How long do you think it will take you to get to one?”

“Well, I don’t think it would be wise to take a cab, so by foot, it could take me a few hours. I’m trying to get us to one that is far away from the last one in case they were onto us. Not that I think they are!” He added after feeling my entire body tense up. “I just want to be absolutely certain."

“Right…that makes sense.”

“Are you sure you’re still okay?”

“Yes,” I snapped, but I had a growing suspicion that he wasn’t falling for it anymore.

“You know, it would be alright if you weren’t,” he murmured, and my cheeks flushed. “But if at any point you need me, don’t hesitate to speak up.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to that. I felt completely exposed, and the only place I wanted to hide was within the very person who was seeing right through me. It was almost maddening. But my focus was abruptly ripped away by a low growl that echoed around me.

Kieran:

I cringed the moment my stomach growled, and it took Xana all of two seconds to burst into frantic panicking.

“Kieran?! What was that? What’s going on? Am I-”

I glanced around at the crowd I had been about to enter. Most everyone was either on their phones or walking far too quickly to care about anyone else, so it should be safe enough to quietly reassure her.

“Xana, take a deep breath,” I said. “Nothing is happening. You’re still completely safe. It’s just that- well, I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday morning.”

“And that means what, exactly?” Xana asked, and I could easily imagine the anxiety that had gripped her now. I hadn’t been looking forward to this part.

“It’s something I’m going to have to address,” I said slowly. “But you don’t need to be afraid, it’s perfectly safe.”

“How is that possibly safe?” She demanded, but her voice was shaking. “That means acids, right?”

I continued to rub at her tiny form. Just knowing that I was scaring her at all was enough to make me feel sick. “Yes, but they won’t be able to hurt you. I swear it on my life. I promised that I would keep you safe, and that’s a promise I won’t break.”

“How do I know that I can trust you?”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. I knew this was a question she’d been pondering this whole time, but she had never voiced it aloud. That had to be a good sign.

“You can trust me because I have made all of my decisions based on keeping you safe,” I said gently. “And I’m going to continue to do that. Even when it comes to things like this, I will never do something that would harm you.”

She went silent at that, and my mind was made. My stride was determined as I more briskly navigated the streets, keeping an eye out for something in particular. Now that she knew it was inevitable, the longer I left Xana waiting would only cause her anxiety to spiral. It was better to get it over with. At the very least, it would hopefully be enough to completely earn her trust.

Soon enough, I spotted a small market, and I reluctantly moved my hand away from my stomach before walking inside.

The market was full of people, which unfortunately limited my communication with Xana to practically nothing. Thankfully, it wasn’t hard to find the type of thing that I was looking for. I grabbed a container of fresh fruit and did my best not to look at much else as I went to find the registers. It wasn’t what my stomach wanted, necessarily, but this wasn’t about my preferences. For her sake, I needed something that digested quickly. It would limit her time of distress while still giving me something to sustain myself until I could have something more.

Once I was back outside, I quickly located a deserted alley, and I ducked into it before I could draw much attention to myself. I strode down the path until I came across a dumpster, which I then used as a shield. I slid my backpack from my shoulders and sat on the ground, and Xana shifted nervously.

“How are you holding up?” I murmured.

“I’m scared,” she admitted, and my eyebrows shot up. She was never this direct. Normally, she’d just flat-out lie. It was a promising sign, and that meant I needed to handle this as delicately as possible.

“I understand,” I said as I took the fruit cup from my bag. My stomach growled again, much louder this time, and I winced. “…sorry. But you can trust me, okay? I’m going to walk you through the whole thing.”

“Right now?” She squeaked, and I carefully pressed my hand into my stomach.

“It’s okay. You’re going to be safe, I promise.”

She silently burrowed into my hand, and I couldn’t help but be overcome by guilt. I hated doing this to her, but to be running on nothing, in the long run, wasn’t good for her either. I could at least ensure her safety this way.

I opened the container, and I felt her little breaths grow faster.

“Hey, hey, Xana.” I set the container aside and rubbed at her soothingly. “I know this is a lot, but it’s going to be alright. I’m not going to hurt you. Will you trust me?”

She stiffened up at the question, but after a moment, I heard a faint, “Okay.”

I took that as my cue to get things moving. The sooner this was over, the better.

“I’m going to start,” I said softly. “Just take some slow, deep breaths. I know what I’m doing, and you’re going to be completely safe.”

Once she settled against my hand, I started to make quick work of the fruit cup. It was relatively small, and the sooner it was gone, the sooner I could focus on talking to Xana. She probably wouldn’t admit it, but I knew that feeling isolated was something that was starting to cause her a great deal of anxiety. My silence now would probably seem deafening.

I tossed the cup up into the dumpster but didn’t leave my spot in the alley. The cover was perfect, especially if I wanted to keep an open line of communication with her until this was over.

I snapped to attention the moment I heard her call my name. “K-Kieran?”

“Right here,” I murmured. “How are you doing?”

“There’s a lot of acid…”

“I’m sure there is. But do you feel any odd sensations on your skin? Any tingling or burning?”

“Um, I don’t think so?”

I smiled faintly. “See? I told you it would be alright. Nothing’s going to hurt you. It’s probably not the most pleasant experience, and for that, I sincerely apologize, but you’re safe. Why don’t you tell me something about yourself? It could help you pass the time.”

At first, I didn’t think she was going to say anything at all. Xana was guarded. I felt like I was starting to really make some progress with her, but when it came to understanding who she was, I was yet to get very far. But once again, she surprised me.

“I love music,” she said quietly. “I used to have a gorgeous piano. My parents got me lessons, and I actually ended up getting pretty good. I…I really miss it.”

I couldn’t believe she was actually talking about herself. I had to focus just to hide my excitement. “Really? That’s awesome! What kind of stuff do you like to play?”

Once she started to get a little more comfortable, Xana was actually pretty easy to talk to. She told me about her favorite songs, the ones she still wanted to learn, and about how, along with running, music served as her escape from reality. I was used to her snapping at me or glaring at me distrustingly. The change was nice.

“You’re going to have to play for me sometime,” I said while continuing to stroke her gently. “I’m sure you’re fantastic. I mean, you certainly have more musical ability than I do. The best I’ve got is that I learned how to play the recorder in fourth grade.”

I spared a quick glance down at my watch. Over thirty minutes had passed now, which meant that if digestion hadn’t finished yet, it was at least close to done.

“How are you doing, Xana?” I asked.

“Um…” She shifted around a little, and I felt the tension in her body suddenly relax. “I- I think it might be over.”

“Perfect.” I slowly got to my feet, careful not to tip her off balance. “I’m really proud of you. Ready to keep moving?”

“Wait!”

Her tiny hands pushed hard against the front of my stomach, and I immediately froze. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, fuck, sorry! Nothing’s wrong!” She said in a rush, and my shoulders sagged in relief. “I just wanted to thank you. For taking care of me and everything.”

A sudden rush of warmth flooded through my chest. I was well past doing this out of obligation now. “It’s my pleasure. Now let’s find a new hotel and get you back out again.”

Chapter Text

Xana:

While the idea had horrified me several hours earlier, I was beyond relieved when Kieran was able to get me back out again.

He found another hotel, this one on the opposite end of the city, that luckily had an open room. He didn’t waste a moment once the door had been locked behind him, and I didn’t doubt that it was because he felt guilty for what had happened back in the alley.

It wasn’t his fault. Even I understood that. To continue on as he was would have been a very stupid decision for both of us, but I got the sense that Kieran wasn’t used to frightening the people that he took in. The pained look on his face when we were face to face again certainly suggested it.

In all honesty, it made me feel terrible. He hadn’t hurt me at all, and so far, Kieran had been nothing but kind to me. Without him, I probably wouldn’t even still be alive, but as I finally got to clean myself off again, I still couldn’t help but tremble.

I didn’t understand how the acids hadn’t hurt me, and if it hadn’t been for Kieran talking to me throughout the whole thing I probably would have lost my damn mind. The very thing that I was scrubbing off of myself should have killed me, and somehow I was completely fine. I didn’t know how to wrap my head around it. And I definitely didn’t know how to feel about him now.

How many opportunities had he had to hurt me, kill me, or return me to the Strangers now? At what point could I actually start to believe him? Maybe telling him a little bit about myself had been a mistake.

I stepped out of the shower, and after drying off, I changed into the spare clothes that Kieran had lent me. I spared a single glance in the mirror, but the sickening glimpse of my body left me wishing that I hadn’t. Even if this insane plan worked, and I somehow did find myself free of the Strangers’ twisted world, my chances of ever looking like myself again might as well have been microscopic. Tears momentarily blurred my vision, but I hastily wiped them away before exiting the bathroom.

Kieran was sitting on the bed, his back against the headboard as he intently read something on his phone. He looked up in surprise as I shut the door behind me, and he smiled hesitantly.

“How are you feeling?” He asked as I carefully entered the room. My eyes swiftly scanned the space, searching for anything suspicious or remotely threatening, but nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary.

“I’m fine,” I said, but my cheeks burned when my stomach growled audibly.

Kieran grabbed his bag from the floor before beginning to sift through its contents. “No need to be embarrassed. I figured you had to be hungry by now. I didn’t just buy stuff for myself, you know.”

My eyes widened as he pulled out what to me might as well have been a feast. There was bread, some kind of trail mix, granola bars, and, to my absolute delight, a container of mixed fruit. To someone else, it would probably seem like nothing, but not to me.

Kieran was looking down at the assortment guiltily. “I’m sorry that there isn’t anything more filling, but I wasn’t sure how long I would be walking. Tomorrow morning I’ll go down to the hotel’s breakfast and bring some stuff back-”

“Are you out of your mind? This is fantastic!” I couldn’t even bring myself to hold up my guard. I was too excited. “The Strangers would go for days at a time without feeding me at all. This is fucking immaculate!”

Any sense of shame that I had went out the window. I ate everything as quickly as I was able, not even pausing for a drink of water until the very end. I knew that Kieran wasn’t going to rip it all away from me, but instinct won. I didn’t stop until I saw him pull something small and silver from his bag.

“Is…is that-” I whispered, and he nodded his head.

“I grabbed it before I left,” he said, and he gently set the familiar silver medallion in the palm of my hand.

I clutched it to my chest, and a stray tear slipped down my cheek. There was a part of me that had hoped he hadn’t forgotten about it, but everything happened so fast. I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to see it again.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what is it?”

I cradled the cool metal in my hand, running my finger along the pattern of the beautiful sun. It was barely even bigger than a quarter. “It’s my mom’s. She gave it to me on my sixteenth birthday, and I never went anywhere without it. I was wearing it when the Strangers took me. One of them, the man, tried to take it from me, and I kicked him in the face. They never tried to take it away again.” I looked up at him, and a gratitude unlike anything I’d ever felt before came over me. “Thank you. This…you have no idea how much this means to me.”

Kieran shook his head. “You don’t need to thank me. I promised you that I would keep it safe. The least I could do was honor that promise.”

With shaking hands, I fastened it around my neck, and before I could stop myself, I threw my arms around Kieran’s neck.

He immediately stiffened, but after a moment went by without me letting go, I felt his arms carefully circle around me. I would have thought it would scare me a little, being confined, but something about Kieran felt so immeasurably safe. There was no point in denying it anymore. I actually didn’t think he was going to hurt me.

“You can trust me,” he said softly, and I had to bite my lip to stop it from quivering. “I know you’ve had a hard time believing that, and I’ll continue to tell you until you can. I don’t know what’s all happened to you, but I swear that I will not harm you, Xana. I promise.”

“I…I think I might,” I whispered. I couldn’t see his face, but I could have sworn I felt his energy shift. Not in a threatening way, but in a way that made me feel warm and not want to let go.

I never intended to get attached to Kieran. He was supposed to just be a means for my escape, but what I hadn’t expected was for him to be the exact kind of person that I’d craved for during my captivity. The abuse left me wishing desperately for someone who would be gentle with me. Someone who was kind. Someone just like Kieran.

I hesitantly pulled away after a minute, but I wouldn’t meet his eye as I fiddled with my medallion. I had been so jaded towards him before, and it left me feeling horribly embarrassed. To buy into his kindness so early would have been idiotic, especially taking into consideration the people that I was running from. Not to mention what being kidnapped does to your ability to trust people. It was perfectly rational, but in my old life, I wasn’t a generally rude person. I never would have treated him the way that I had so far. There were a lot of things that I wished I could get back, but my personality wasn’t one that I had thought about too much.

“Uh…Xana?” Kieran waved his hand in front of my face, and I was startled back to the present. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” I said, but it came out harsher than I intended.

“Okay, no problem. I’ll give you some space.”

He stood up, and I sighed as I heard the bathroom door close and the shower turn on. I didn’t know how to interact like a normal person anymore. All I knew was anger and fear, and those weren’t emotions that typically made someone pleasant to talk to. Fuck, I hadn’t even had a normal conversation in two years. I might as well be hopeless.

I traced the pattern of the sun over and over again. At least he still seemed to like me so far.

My mind spun in rapid circles, the thoughts playing on a seemingly endless loop. When I heard the click of a door, instinct took over. I all but hurled myself off the bed, and I flattened myself against the far wall as my eyes locked onto the door. Except it wasn’t the door to the room that opened. It was Kieran, and his eyes were wide with alarm.

“It’s just me,” he said slowly while I shakily lowered myself to the floor.

I pulled my knees to my chest and buried my face against them. Maybe if I made myself as small as possible, I could just disappear forever. No escape plan needed.

Kieran’s careful footsteps softly approached, but he stopped a safe distance away from me. He crouched down to my level, and I looked up nervously.

“Where’s your head at right now?” He asked.

“Oh, you know, just realizing what a freak I’ve become.”

“How are you a freak?”

I scoffed. “How many people do you know that are afraid of the sound of a door opening? This is absolutely pathetic.”

“Not many. But I also don’t know a single soul who has gone through what you have, and if I was in your shoes right now I can see why that would be pretty fucking terrifying. So I don’t think that makes you pathetic.” He smiled softly. “Want to watch a movie or something? It could take your mind off of things.”

I silently nodded my head but stayed where I was as Kieran turned on the TV. I wanted that door in my direct line of sight, at least until my heart stopped beating a thousand beats per minute. Kieran didn’t question it, and I was becoming very grateful for his ability to carry on as though things were normal. He almost made me feel like I wasn’t crazy.

We spent the remainder of our evening watching movies together, and after a while, I managed to peel myself away from the wall and sit beside him instead. As the hours ticked by, my guard came down a little, and when we turned out the light to go to bed, I actually felt all right.

If only I had known what was coming the moment my eyes fell closed.

--- 

I bolted upright as the door to my cell opened. I hadn’t been here long, but I certainly knew by now that it couldn’t be a good thing.

My hand grasped at my medallion, my heart pounding erratically in my chest as one of the Strangers stepped inside. He slowly looked me up and down in a way that made my skin crawl.

“You are beautiful,” he said, and I scrambled away when he reached out to stroke my face. He shook his head, tsking softly. “Girl, I don’t want to hurt you. Don’t fight me, and I won’t hurt you.”

I froze as he stepped towards me. My back was still stinging viciously from the last punishment, and I wasn’t sure if I could take another so soon. I didn’t have a choice.

His grimy fingers brushed a few strands of hair from my face, the other roaming my body in a way that made me want to scream. From there, everything happened very, very quickly.

The seconds felt like hours, and when he finally got off of me, I was trembling from head to toe. He looked down at me once more as he got to the door, staring intently down at my tear-stained face.

“You know, maybe I’ll just keep you for myself.”

Kieran:

I was abruptly woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of Xana screaming.

I frantically reached for the switch on the lamp, fully prepared to find one of the people from my doorstep in our room. Instead, I found Xana thrashing violently in her sleep, and my heart sank. She looked absolutely petrified.

“Xana, Xana, you’re dreaming!” I gently shook her arm, praying that somehow nobody had called the front desk to report us. “You’re dreaming, please-”

Her eyes flew open, and I expected her to react the way that Xana normally did when something upsetting happened. She would retreat deep into herself, probably throwing out a biting remark or two in my direction in the process. To my surprise, she did something that I had never seen her do before. She started sobbing.

My heart all but shattered in my chest, and without thinking, I pulled her into my arms.

To my relief, I didn’t accidentally send her into a whole new world of panic. She curled up against me as if she was trying to hide herself, and my t-shirt immediately dampened from where she cried against my chest.

“Everything’s okay,” I murmured. “You’re safe…I promise. Just keep breathing. No one is going to hurt you.”

“They already did,” she choked. “He used me like I was nothing! He liked it so much that he didn’t pass me on. He fucking kept me-”

My stomach twisted painfully, but I forced myself to stay calm. I hugged her closer to me, and I was reminded more than ever of just how young Xana was. She was still a kid when they took her. Her entire world was destroyed, and she probably hadn’t been touched in a way that wasn’t threatening ever since. How I responded now had more weight than I could even fully comprehend.

I sighed quietly. I wasn’t prepared to handle something like this, and I couldn’t help but think that there had to be someone out there who could have done this better. She deserved that. “I know, and I’m so sorry. But he can’t touch you now. He never will again, okay?”

She looked up at me then, her eyes red and her cheeks blotchy and tear-stained.

“You aren’t going to leave me, are you?” She asked.

I was absolutely dumbstruck. She was afraid of me leaving? I’d been fighting just to get her to even like me, let alone want me there. I had no intention of leaving her on her own, but I was sure that when given the chance, she would move on to someone more useful. But there was fear in her eyes as she waited for my response, and it was only then that I realized just how wrong I was.

“No, I’m not going to leave you,” I finally said. “The only way that would happen is if you told me to yourself. Until then, I’m not going anywhere.”

She nodded to herself, tears still trickling down her cheeks. It almost didn’t feel real, seeing her like this. Xana was so guarded. Even when I knew she was upset, she somehow managed to stay relatively composed. I didn’t even want to know the full extent of what that disgusting excuse of a human being had done to cut her so deeply.

After a moment, she spoke up again. “Kieran?”

“Yeah?” I asked, but I was fairly confident that I knew where this was going.

“Can you…I- I need to…”

“Feel safe?” I offered. “Are you sure that’s what you want right now?”

“Yes.”

My heart softened. We’d only been together for two days, and somehow, I cared for her as if it had been so much longer. “Okay. Just give me a second.”

I gently separated myself from her and quickly located my bag. I’d gone through this process hundreds of times with far too many people to count, but this time I acted with a delicacy that was new even to me. She was so afraid, and if doing this was what would help her calm down again, then I needed to make sure that she felt as safe as possible.

Once the serum had finished taking effect, I carefully deposited her in my mouth and swallowed. She slid effortlessly down my throat, and I pressed my hand against my stomach as I felt her enter. She curled up tightly against it, and I could feel every one of her tremors.

“I’ve got you,” I said. “Just try to relax. Nobody could get you right now even if they tried. You’re completely safe.”

I continued to murmur reassurances to her until I felt her drift off to sleep again, but I kept my hand protectively over her even as I laid back down myself.

She wasn’t the only one who felt like a weight had been lifted off of their shoulders. I always felt a degree of protectiveness for my clients when I had them inside, but that paled in comparison to this. Telling her that nobody could get her like this wasn’t an exaggeration. I could keep her safe this way, and I could breathe easier knowing that I at least had some aspect of control over that.

When I agreed to help her, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I still wasn’t sure if I fully did, but I was in way too deep to turn back now.

Chapter Text

Xana:

At this point, I felt far more safe inside of Kieran than I did outside of him.

After the humiliating display from last night, I barely managed to restrain myself from begging to be kept inside in the morning. I could hardly even believe it myself. When I realized that it was Kieran Thorne’s doorstep that I had landed on, I thought that I was the unluckiest person in the world. After all, what sane person wanted someone else to swallow them whole?

I paused my frantic stride, a new thought dawning on me. Evidently, quite a few people did, myself now included, but that didn’t take away from the absurdity of the whole thing.

My eyes landed distrustingly on the hotel room door. Kieran had left fifteen minutes ago to get us breakfast, and he was probably already on his way back, but that did nothing to calm the rapid beating of my heart. For all I knew, the Strangers could be just down the street, standing in the lobby, or even waiting just outside that door. They may not have proof that I’m still with Kieran yet, but one glance is all it takes. Then we both would be in danger.

There was a soft knock at the door, and my breath caught in my throat. I slowly crept closer, my pulse hammering in my throat. Then I heard his voice.

“Hey, it’s me,” Kieran said, and I sighed in relief.

I opened the door a crack, then quickly backed away as Kieran slipped into the room. He had two plates of food in his hands, and my eyes lit up when I recognized the heavenly smell of waffles.

“Sorry that took so long, I was trying to hurry-” he said, but I had already eagerly snatched one of the plates from him.

“I haven’t had these in forever,” I groaned. “I can’t remember the last time I was allowed to eat this much.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw him flinch, but I was already too invested in my breakfast to care. If any of this went south, there was a very real chance that my days of starving could return, and I needed to take advantage of this while I could.

Kieran sat on the edge of the bed, and I couldn’t help but notice that his plate was significantly smaller than mine, primarily consisting of fruit and some eggs. I knew why, and I knew it was necessary, but I couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. We were going to be leaving the city today, and that meant a long period of time where he wouldn’t get to consume anything. While he technically could still eat with me inside, I knew that he felt too guilty about the last time to ever do that to me when he wasn’t able to communicate with me.

As much as I didn’t want to experience that again, for his sake, I hoped he would be able to find some moments of privacy. I liked Kieran. I didn’t want him to suffer because of me. Not after all of the sacrifices he was already making.

We ate in silence, and I didn’t doubt that his mind was whirling around the same questions mine was.

How were we going to do this? How close were they? Even if we managed to get far away, Kieran still had to come back to his life eventually, and where would I go? As long as the Strangers were breathing, I was not safe.

My gaze slowly drifted back to Kieran, and I reached subconsciously for my medallion. I’d known from the beginning that there was a chance that he would eventually leave me. I was nothing but a burden, and he barely even knew me. I was prepared for it. I wouldn’t have even been able to blame him, but now…we hadn’t been together long, but I’d spent enough hours finding my only sense of security to be within him to realize that I had more at stake than I originally thought.

Our eyes locked, and he frowned. “Xana? Are you alright?”

I hastily set aside my empty plate and averted my gaze. “I’m fine,” I said sharply.

He sighed softly, and I felt a pang in my chest. What I would give to be able to interact like a normal person again. Unfortunately, years of nothing but fear, anger, and distrust don’t create nice people.

Kieran stood, but I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eye. “Well, in that case, I’m going to start getting everything around, and we can plan to leave in half an hour or so. Sound good?”

I nodded my head robotically. My mind felt like it was thousands of miles away, somewhere on another plane of existence. Memories flashed in snapshots as I felt myself grow hollow, and when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I startled.

It was Kieran, standing in front of me with his bag packed, some antiseptic wipes in his hand, and wide, concerned eyes.

“Ready to go?” He asked, his voice gentle, and my cheeks burned. Dissociating used to be my escape, but now it only left me feeling embarrassed.

“Yeah, sorry,” I murmured, holding out my arm so that Kieran could get to work.

“No need to be sorry,” he said while he went about injecting the serum. Since I now trusted that I wasn’t about to be drugged, it really wasn’t all that bad. “There’s a lot going on, and I know this is hard. You don’t have to apologize.”

You say that now.

Inevitably, I knew that one day he was probably going to take back those words, but I forced the thought from my mind as my body shrank and Kieran gathered me in his palm.

While I had an alarming attachment to being tiny inside of Kieran, I did not particularly enjoy being tiny outside of him. I peered anxiously at the ground below, thinking about just how little my odds of survival were in the case of a fall when I felt his thumb brush against my back.

I looked up, my gaze locking with his, and the small rush of fear quieted. “I’m not going to let you fall,” he promised. “You’re completely safe. Ready to continue?”

“Please,” I whispered.

Please, take me to the place where no one can hurt me.

My eyes fell shut just as his fingers carefully wrapped around my torso, and then I was deposited somewhere damp and warm. He didn’t keep me there for very long, just long enough to get me coated in saliva before swallowing me down. The peristalsis dragged me in deeper, past the constant, reassuring beating of Kieran’s heart before releasing me into a wider space.

I settled against the wall of his stomach in a loose curl, all of the tension already slowly draining from my body. His hand pressed in against me, and I nestled even closer.

“I’ve got you,” he said softly. “Now let’s get out of here.”

Kieran:

After spending two nights in the same city, we decided that it was time for us to move on to somewhere else. Chances were that Xana’s kidnappers were likely searching this place by now, and while it was a large city, we couldn’t afford to take any chances. After swallowing down Xana, I purchased a train ticket with cash, and it wasn’t until I was sitting in my compartment that I felt like I was able to breathe again.

I protectively placed my hand over my stomach as the train began to take off. Xana was burrowed snugly beneath it, and I could feel each and every one of her tiny movements. When I first began taking clients, it was a startling adjustment, being able to feel another person so intimately. Compared to the others with my peculiar ability, I was relatively late to join the “business”. Even though I knew that they would be safe with me, the idea of being so responsible for someone else was daunting. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that kind of weight on my shoulders, especially not at the age of twenty-one.

Xana shifted, and I felt her tiny hand push back against mine. It had been at least two hours since I was last able to truly acknowledge her, and I knew that by now, she probably was looking for some form of reassurance.

I gently began to rub at her, a small smile on my face when I felt her relax again. Three years later, I couldn’t imagine my life without it. Sure, I was responsible for my clients, but I was perfectly capable. It brought a sense of joy and comfort to people, and if I could provide that, it was impossible not to take an ounce of pride in it.

My eyes momentarily drifted down to my stomach, where it was distended so slightly that it would never be distinguishable to anyone else. Protecting Xana was by far the most important role I’d ever taken in my life, and if I could successfully keep her safe, then all of this would be worth it. Every moment of anxiety, every night that I worried I wasn’t good enough, every hint of doubt. Everything would be worth it if it meant that I could stop those despicable people from getting her back.

Outside, the train was slowly departing from the station, and I absentmindedly watched the crowd on the platform. That is, until my eyes caught onto one individual in particular.

It was a woman. One who I never would have put any thought to before if it wasn’t for the fact that I could have sworn I saw her standing on my doorstep a few days ago.

I hurriedly straightened up, my heart hammering in my chest. I blinked once, twice, and found myself staring at someone entirely different. Someone young, smiling, and far too cheerful looking to ever be one of the Strangers. My mind was playing tricks on me.

I sank back against the seat with a heavy sigh, and Xana struggled suddenly from within my stomach.

“What’s happening?” She demanded, but her voice was shaking considerably. “Why is your heart beating like that? Did you see them? Did you-”

“No, no,” I said quietly. Thankfully, none of the people around me seemed to notice. “Nothing’s happening, I just startled myself. Everything’s okay.”

Xana didn’t push the matter any farther, but I could tell that her demeanor had shifted entirely. Her body was curled tightly, every muscle tensed, and my heart sank. I knew she was already worrying herself sick as it was. She didn’t need my paranoia to combine with hers.

She barely so much as budged for the first half an hour, and somewhere around the hour mark, she fell asleep. That much was at least a relief. The last few nights had been hard on her, and even though she fell asleep both times once I swallowed her down, it went without saying that she desperately needed more than that.

I kept one hand over her as I watched out the window. In some ways, the whole thing almost felt like a fever dream. It didn’t seem possible that my life had shifted so drastically the minute I opened that door. To say that I was in over my head was putting it mildly. Of course, it wasn’t that I was necessarily leaving much behind. Appointments could be shifted around and rescheduled. A claim of a terrible illness would hold them off for now, and it wasn’t like I had many loved ones to leave behind. For the most part, I was entirely on my own. It was lucky news for Xana, but my head still felt like it was spinning.

I was startled from my thoughts by a sharp whimper and a weak struggle beneath my hand. Xana wasn’t awake, but she was definitely having a nightmare.

My gaze traveled over the many other pedestrians on the train. There were too many people around. To do anything to calm her would draw unwanted attention.

With a steadying hand on my stomach, I carefully stood, and once I was sure that she hadn’t stirred, I made my way to the bathroom.

I locked the door behind me just as I heard a small, frightened cry. I immediately began to gently rub at her, doing my best to keep my voice as soft as possible.

“Shh…Xana, it’s okay,” I murmured. I could feel her rapid breaths, the frantic beating of her tiny heart. With how she’d reacted to the idea that I’d seen the Strangers, I could only imagine what she was dreaming of now. Being recaptured? Tortured, or even killed? “You’re just dreaming,” I said, and my voice nearly cracked on the words. She was so afraid. It was nauseating. “You’re here with me, nothing is hurting you.”

Her struggles halted, but her body continued to shudder violently. I rubbed a little firmer, continuing to use the same measured tone. “You’re safe…I promise you’re safe. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Everything’s alright…”

I stayed that way for a while, murmuring reassurances to her until I felt her gradually settle again. She never fully woke up, and for that, I was grateful. While already in a state of panic, she probably would have thought my stomach was the dark place. She was already afraid enough, and the last thing I wanted was to add on to it.

By the time I finally returned to my seat, I received a few curious glances from the other passengers, but I ignored them entirely. My focus was held solely on one thing, and that was the girl now sleeping peacefully within me. When we reached our next destination and were able to speak freely again, I vowed to make more of an effort to get to know her. There was a chance that she would push back. The fight to fully gain her trust was still ongoing, after all, but if I was going to spend this much time worrying about someone else’s wellbeing, it only seemed right to know at least a little more about the person I was trying so hard to protect.

I leaned my head against the window, feeling the cool glass against my skin as my eyes fell shut. We still had a long way to go before we’d reach the next city, where we’d spend a night or two before moving along to the next, hopefully leaving behind a trail that even the Strangers couldn't follow.

This wasn’t going to be easy. According to Xana, they had eyes everywhere. She didn’t even trust the police, despite that being the first place I’d wanted to go. Considering the conversations she had overheard over the last two years, I hardly felt like I was in any place to object.

My hand stroked my stomach absentmindedly as my resolve continued to strengthen. If I still had any lingering doubts about my ability before, I definitely didn’t now. Even with the knowledge that this could go on for months, there was not even a single one.

Chapter Text

Two Months Later

Xana:

A lot had happened over the past two months.

We switched cities every two to three days, putting what we could only hope was a significant gap between us and the Strangers. Luckily for us, Kieran was relatively well-known for the services he offered, and his clients paid him generously. God only knows what we would have done without it. It wasn’t like I had anything useful to contribute.

I straightened up against the bed's headboard when I heard the sound of a door opening but relaxed again as Kieran emerged from the bathroom, his damp hair curling at his temples. He raised his eyebrows, likely gauging if I was about to have a sudden meltdown or not. I’d gotten more accustomed to the regular sounds and movements that came from sharing a space with a safe person, but there were still far too many panic attacks and tears for my liking. Thankfully, this was not one of those times.

I gave him a small wave, to which he smiled softly.

“You okay?” He asked as he went to retrieve his phone from where it rested on the little table in the corner. Probably to answer to his clients, who all believed that Kieran was suffering from a vile illness that had required him to even be hospitalized. A bit dramatic, in my opinion, but so far, it seemed to keep the questions away.

My gaze followed him as he moved, and a small wave of relief came over me. He’d barely been gone fifteen minutes, but it felt harder to breathe when he wasn’t there. That was another thing that changed. Once I’d started moving past my fear of trusting him, Kieran became the only person in the world that I knew wouldn’t hurt me. Who wouldn’t leave me, and I latched onto it. Kieran meant safety, whether I was inside or outside of him, and separation quickly became a fear nearly as big as the Strangers themselves.

“I’m fine,” I said, but the knowing look in his dark blue eyes told me that he wasn’t fooled.

Setting his phone aside, Kieran moved to sit on the edge of the bed beside mine. We’d actually managed to snag a hotel room with two beds a few hours ago, but I had a sinking feeling that the added space I’d once wanted wasn’t going to bring me much comfort.

I averted my eyes from his, embarrassment burning on my cheeks.

“It’s okay if you’re not, you know. I know it makes you nervous when you feel like you’re alone.”

“It’s pathetic,” I muttered, my hand instinctively reaching for the medallion around my neck. “You should be annoyed.”

“It’s not like you were pounding on the door, Xana. It’s hardly annoying.”

I snorted. “You might just be the kindest person on the fucking planet. Most people would have gotten sick of it a very long time ago.”

“Well, then I guess it’s a good thing it was my house you stumbled across.” He grabbed his backpack from beside him, and I perked up as he began pulling an assortment of food from it. Since he sometimes had to eat while I was still inside, he always made up for it by making sure to buy me food from stores when he came across one.

He apologized for the somewhat small amount nearly every time, but I’d already started to look less skeletal. Still unbelievably far from attractive, but at least I’d stopped looking like I already had one foot in the grave.

Kieran flipped through the television channels as I ate, only taking a few things from the assortment before he settled on a movie. We hadn’t gotten to our hotel room until 10 p.m., and he knew from our first night together that the distraction helped me calm down enough to eventually (hopefully) go to sleep.

I laid down on my bed once I’d finished, my eyes locked on the flickering lights of the television screen. The fact that this was my life now was nearly impossible to wrap my head around. For two years, I was nothing but the starved, thoroughly used slave of some of the most despicable types of people in existence. My life was nothing but pain and anger, with a fear that consumed me. And now here I was, sheltered, fed, and with a person who seemed like they genuinely might care about me?

I turned my head to the side, my eyes settling on Kieran. He was lounging on his bed, his arm propped behind his head and his other hand resting on his stomach. Even now, when he was just relaxing, he had such gentle features. He practically gave off an aura. One glance was enough to tell that this was a kind person, one who had no interest in harming anyone. Add in his tousled blond hair, and he was actually pretty attractive.

My cheeks burned at the thought, and when I looked back to his stomach, they blazed like an inferno.

Is that what it looks like when I’m in there? He usually had one of his hands over top of me. The sight of it alone made the craving flare. Complete protection, the promise of soothing comfort. Kieran’s comfort. It was hard not to want it.

Soon enough, it was obvious that Kieran was starting to get tired, and I played along until he turned out the light. I was wide awake, my mind still spinning with a painful longing, but he was already sacrificing so much for me. He deserved a peaceful night’s sleep, not another one of my anxiety episodes. I already had enough of them at night as it was, and I didn’t buy his promises that he didn’t mind. Nobody was that fucking nice. Not even Kieran Thorne.

The minutes slowly ticked by, and just like with every other night, the memories started to creep in. My chest and throat tightened as I heard their voices whispering in my ear, reminding me of my worthlessness, that I was nothing but a piece of property. The chilling promise that they would never stop hunting me if I ever escaped. I could handle that part. It was horrible, but as long as I reminded myself that I was far away from that hellhole, I could make it.

I screwed my eyes shut tight, taking a series of slow, deep breaths.

They aren’t here. They can’t touch you. You’re fine, you don’t have to wake him up this time-

Then I felt it. That awful phantom touch. The sting of a backhand to the face, a hand around my throat, the feel of it slowly being dragged along the inside of my thigh.

I reached desperately to my side. Except this time, there was nothing beside me, and my heart rate skyrocketed.

I wasn’t in a hotel room anymore. My back was on the ice-cold cement floor, and his weight was crushing the air from my lungs. A hand was fisting painfully in my hair, the other doing twisted, unspeakable things-

“Xana?”

My eyes flew open as a light was flicked on, and I found myself curled in a ball shaking violently. My face and pillow were damp with tears, and Kieran was staring at me with alarm.

“Flashback?” He asked, to which I nodded my head before stifling a sob. He shifted over in his bed, leaving an open space beside him. His voice was calm and carefully measured as he asked, “Do you want to come here?”

Unfortunately, in this nearly nightly routine, there were times when I didn’t always respond particularly well to his attempts to help. Now he simply asked, and this time I didn’t even hesitate.

I hurriedly untangled myself from my sheets, and then I was enfolded in Kieran’s arms. His body was solid and warm against mine, and I pressed my head to his chest as I struggled to focus on the sensations.

Kieran’s fingers gently stroked my hair. More caring, completely foreign gestures that gradually soothed my frantic thoughts. “Shh…you’re not there anymore. You’re here with me. Everything’s alright…”

My hand fisted into his shirt, and I cried against his chest. When we first met each other, I’d done everything in my power to hide my emotions from him. Now, it felt like I couldn’t get myself to stop.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry-”

I felt him shake his head. “No, you don’t apologize for this. It’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t go through this alone. Don’t ever apologize for this, Xana.”

A violent shudder ran through me. In comparison to the ones that had just been circling through my mind…Kieran's words were overwhelming. I’d managed to find someone who was the direct opposite of the Strangers in every way. For once in my life, I was lucky? It didn’t feel real. Couldn’t be.

His hands were gentle as he held me against him, and while his heart wasn’t the same all-encompassing sound as it was when I was inside him, it still had the same effect. My body slowly relaxed against him, his calm presence an anchor that even my worst fears couldn’t overpower.

Normally, I would have begged him to swallow me by now, and there was still a part of me that wanted to, but I didn’t want the secure feeling of his arms around me to end. Even as my eyelids grew heavy, he never stopped quietly murmuring reassurances of safety, that he would never let them touch me again, and for the first time, I felt myself truly begin to believe it.

Kieran:

I wasn’t sure how long we’d been laying there before I realized with a start that Xana had fallen asleep.

It was a relatively common occurrence that she had difficulties during the night. There was too much time to sit with her thoughts and memories, and I was always prepared for it. I even had a serum already prepared and ready just in case. It usually wasn’t until I’d swallowed her that she finally calmed down again.

I looked down at her, carefully avoiding any unnecessary movements that might wake her. Xana’s head was still pressed to my chest, her dark hair splayed around her. She looked almost peaceful if it wasn’t for the way her hand was still fisted desperately in my shirt.

How much trust did it take for her to willingly allow herself to fall asleep in my arms? In some ways, it felt much more intimate than swallowing her. Like it was more responsibility, somehow. There were no layers of flesh and bone protecting her now. Just me, and she trusted me enough not to mess it up.

I gently drew her closer, tightening my hold just slightly. The more I got to know her, the more I knew that I absolutely could not make any mistakes. She wasn’t just the girl who fled to my doorstep now. We’d been together for two months, and Xana had warmed up to me over time. I felt like I genuinely knew her, as if I’d known her for years, and there was no chance in hell I would let those monsters take her back.

She rarely told me about them, and I didn’t dare ask. But I knew enough that if given the opportunity, I would find a way to make them pay.

“I won’t let them hurt you,” I murmured softly. “Never again. I promise.”

But as my gaze landed on the serum I had prepared, unease began to eat away at me. We’d been doing this for quite a while now, and I was nearly out of shrinking serums. I hadn’t known how long this would go on when I’d thrown some in my bag, and I didn’t have many options now. Xana couldn’t be on the outside very often due to the risk of being seen, but I couldn’t just keep her inside of me indefinitely. Even if she seemed to feel safe in my stomach, I couldn’t imagine that she’d appreciate being cut off from the outside world for that long.

An idea began to form in my mind, one that Xana would likely never agree with, but I didn’t have a choice.

I carefully reached behind me, keeping one arm locked securely around her while I grabbed my phone from the nightstand. It only took a matter of seconds to locate the contact I was searching for, and I sighed tiredly. I would deal with it in the morning, likely incurring the wrath of Xana in the process.

It wouldn’t be pleasant, that was for certain, but I could handle a few sharp words. She would understand eventually, and that was all that mattered.

---

I got out of bed well before Xana to make the phone call, offering a rushed, vague explanation that probably wouldn’t have worked on anyone else. Being who I was, coming across friends was far from easy, but having at least one would certainly pay off now.

When Xana did wake up, however, she had a very different opinion.

“You did what?” she hissed, and I kept my expression calm as she glared at me venemously. “What the fuck are you thinking! How could you tell somebody about me? Do you have any idea what kind of danger you could have just put us in?”

“Luca is a friend. He’s like me, and I trust him with my life. He would never be involved with the Strangers, not a chance.”

“I don’t care how good of friends you are,” she snapped, her lips twisted into a scowl. “What could possibly have been so important that you would do this? And you better not say it’s about your clients. I don’t care how mad they are about their appointments. They can fucking wait!”

“This has nothing to do with my clients,” I said gently. “I’m almost out of shrinking serums, Xana. I have two left, and I need more. Unless you’re alright with not getting to come out anymore?”

Just as I thought, her furious expression faltered. She stared at me blankly for a second, likely running the risk in her head, before slowly lowering herself onto her bed. The sheets were still twisted up from when she’d been thrashing against them the night before. Her eyes fell to the serum that still rested on the nightstand, and her jaw clenched tightly.

“Are you sure he won’t betray you?” She finally said.

“Yes.”

She slowly nodded her head, one hand absentmindedly tugging on a lock of her hair. Just like that, she went from blazing to hollow. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen it happen, and there was always something about it that made me uneasy.

“It’s going to be fine. You’ll see,” I said, but her eyes remained locked on the wall, her stare alarmingly vacant.

When I finally heard a knock on the door in the agreed sequence of three, I hurried to answer it, slipping out into the hall before Xana could panic. As promised, Luca was there, bag in hand with a beyond bewildered expression, and it took everything in me to stop myself from pulling him into a bone-crushing hug.

Out of all the other people with my strange abilities, Luca was the only one I’d ever met myself. He was the one responsible for persuading me to begin taking clients in the first place, the one who taught me everything that I knew. I was never one to have many loved ones, but I always had Luca. Even if it involved him jumping on a train early in the morning to deliver a bagful of serums.

And in true Luca fashion, he cut right to the chase.

“Alright, Kier, what the fuck happened?”

“It’s a really long story,” I said quietly, my eyes darting up and down the hallway for any potential witnesses. For now, there were none. “She escaped from a trafficking ring, and the first house she came across was mine.”

His eyebrows shot up. “And let me guess, your brilliant plan was to eat her?”

“They weren’t far behind her. I didn’t have much of a choice.”

He shook his head, knocking a few fiery red strands of hair into his eyes. “Your heart’s too soft, man. What are you going to do? Keep running forever?”

I looked over my shoulder at the door, wondering if Xana was trying to listen in from the other side. I wouldn’t have blamed her.

I lowered my voice, saying, “I can’t just leave her. We’ve been at this for two months. Can you really imagine abandoning someone you’ve been primarily carrying inside you for that long? It’s…it’s an intimate thing. You know that.”

Luca sighed, running a hand through his hair before fixing me with a sympathetic look. “Yeah, I know…I just worry about you. But I’m in. What do you need me to do?”

“You don’t have to do anything. I’m not going to drag you into this. I just needed someone I trusted to get me the serums.”

Luca snorted. “Right. Like I’m going to hear all of that and just go on with my day. I’m obviously going to help. Is she in there?” He asked, motioning to the door. “Or is she, like, in you?”

“She’s in there, but don’t-” I started, but he’d already reached for the doorknob.

It turned out that Xana had, in fact, been listening through the door because she flew across the room at lightning speed.

Shit.

Xana:

Did I think that it was right to spy on Kieran? No, probably not, but the last thing I expected was for him to allow his so-called ‘friend’ to abruptly throw open the door.

I frantically backed away, nearly tripping over my feet as the stranger casually made his way in. He was taller than Kieran, and his striking dark red hair and angular features failed to give off the same calming aura I’d grown accustomed to with Kieran. By the time his sharp green eyes fell on me, I didn’t doubt that I looked like I was well on my way to cardiac arrest.

Kieran smacked him hard on the shoulder, to which the other man hastily raised his hands in surrender.

“Uh- hi,” he said. “I- I am so sorry. I definitely could have, ah, handled this better. But my name is Luca Stafford. I’m like Kieran, one of the weird anatomy folks, and I came here to bring him these-” He half-heartedly held up a bag similar to Kieran’s, suddenly looking very unsure of himself. “I’m just here to help. Your name is Xana, right?”

I slowly nodded my head, not daring to drop my defensive stance even as he looked to Kieran for support. I’d heard of Luca Stafford before, although not nearly as much as I had Kieran. As far as I knew, he offered his services somewhere a couple of hours away, but he was popular for all of the same reasons. Realistically, Luca probably was safe. Especially if someone like Kieran trusted him, but it still didn’t feel like enough.

“Okay. Well, it’s nice to meet you. You probably don’t feel the same about me, which is completely fair…”

He glanced at Kieran pleadingly, to which he hastily stepped around his friend to face me.

“Everything’s okay,” he said, and I felt my racing heart calm just slightly. “You can trust him. I promise.”

“You’re certain?” I said hoarsely.

He nodded once. “Completely.”

I released a shaky breath, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. Trusting Kieran had already been a very difficult process, even though he was the one who was helping me. To open up to someone like Luca…it was absolutely terrifying.

Kieran’s warm palm clasped gently on my shoulder, and I had to resist the urge to hide myself against him.

“Deep breaths,” he murmured. “I promised I wouldn’t let anything happen to you. If I thought this was a risk, I never would have called him.”

My gaze slid back over to Luca, who looked so uncomfortable that in any other scenario, it would have been comical. Not exactly the Strangers’ type. I’d met some of their ‘friends’ before. All arrogant, condescending, and disgusting. Either he was the greatest actor to ever exist, or he was someone they never would have wasted their time on. If anything, they would have found someone like him pathetic.

“Did you tell him everything?” I asked.

Kieran shook his head. “Only what was necessary.”

“Okay, then.” I turned to face Luca fully, squaring my shoulders in what I hoped was a confident gesture. I was very aware that I looked malnourished and weak, and I needed to compensate wherever I could. “I want to hear it from you. Can I trust you?”

Luca’s eyes widened in surprise, but he recovered quickly. “You can. I may not know you, but I do know Kieran. If helping you is important to him, then it’s important to me, too.”

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to trust more people. Trusting one to begin with already felt so risky, but I didn’t have much of a choice at this point. Hopefully, he would be as useful as Kieran insisted.

I walked to the window as Luca began transferring the serums from his bag to Kieran’s. Other than quick glances through hotel windows, I never saw the outside world anymore. It was strange but also comforting in a weird way. The outside felt dangerous, knowing the Strangers were out there somewhere. It was only in this fragile bubble Kieran and I existed in that I felt like I could breathe.

It was only meant to be a brief glance. To even stand before the window at all was a risk, but my every muscle froze as my eyes locked onto a figure down below.

A man. The very same man who had haunted my dreams not even twenty-four hours ago. I would recognize him anywhere.

For a second, the world spun, and my breaths turned rapid. Behind me, both of the boys suddenly went silent.

“Xana?” Kieran asked.

I scrambled backward, colliding directly with Luca, who had to grasp me by the shoulders to steady me.

“They’re here,” I wheezed. “They found us.”

Chapter Text

Xana:

I barely even registered what Luca or Kieran were trying to say to me. All I could hear was his voice in my ear, his awful awful voice, and I clamped my hands over my ears as I struggled to drag the air into my lungs.

“They found me,” I gasped. “Oh my god they’re going to take me back-”

Kieran’s hands closed over mine, and he gently pulled them back down. “No one’s going to take you, okay? We’re going to get you out of here. Luca- there’s a serum ready on the nightstand. Can you hand it to me?”

“Oh, yeah!” I heard Luca hurrying behind us, and a moment later, the serum was being pressed into Kieran’s hand.

I thought back to the first time we found ourselves in this situation, when the Strangers were hot on my trail and the person in front of me was nothing more than a stranger. And yet, somehow, despite trusting said person with every piece of me, this felt scarier. I’d finally gotten a taste of freedom, and I couldn’t give it back. Not now, and I knew that Kieran would be able to tell.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, and my eyes locked onto his. “You’re safe with me. I’m going to have to do this quickly, but it’s going to be okay. Can I see your arm?”

I shakily nodded my head, and to my horror, I felt hot tears begin slipping down my cheeks.

Fucking perfect. The first time I meet someone new, they witness me have a complete breakdown and burst into tears. If he didn’t think I was pathetic before, he definitely did now, and I was too worked up to even be properly mad about it.

Kieran took my arm, and I shut my eyes as I waited for the familiar prick of the needle to come. Except it didn’t, and just as I was about to look up at him in question, I felt him briefly press his lips to the top of my head.

“I’ll keep you safe,” he murmured. “I promise.”

Then I felt the sting of the needle, and before I knew it, I was being cradled in the palm of Kieran’s hand.

I clung to his fingers while my body finished adjusting to the change. At this point, I was barely even phased by being so helplessly small. As long as it was Kieran’s hand that was holding me, anyway, but an image of cruel, familiar ones snagging me out left me trembling uncontrollably. A gentle finger stroked my back, and I leaned into it desperately.

“I’m going to start now,” he said softly. “Just close your eyes and try to relax the best you can.”

He didn’t need to tell me twice. My eyes immediately fell shut, and then I was being wrapped in a damp, gentle heat. I melted into it as I heard Kieran’s mouth shut, not even minding the saliva pooling around me. I knew what came next, and it couldn’t come fast enough.

A few seconds passed before he began to ease me backward to his throat. It was followed shortly by a strong yet somehow gentle swallow that smoothly tugged me in, and I didn’t resist as the muscles made quick work of pulling me down. I quickly spilled into Kieran’s stomach, my tremors worsening as I hurried to burrow against the spot where his hand pushed back at me.

Normally, the soothing atmosphere calmed me down when thoughts of the Strangers became too much, but that same comfort only accelerated it now. What if they did manage to get me back, and this fragile bubble of safety was shattered? A pained sob tore free from my chest, and I couldn’t help but be grateful that Luca wasn’t able to hear it. It was one thing for Kieran to see the fear I tried so hard to conceal. After all this time of zero separation, he’d already witnessed it enough that it wasn’t worth the effort. But for someone else to realize just how broken I really was…I couldn’t allow it.

The rubs became firmer as Kieran listened to me cry. I could only imagine how much he hated it. Every time he saw it, he looked like he was in pain.

“Keep breathing, Xana,” he said, his voice coming over me in a comforting wave. If the circumstances hadn’t been so severe, it probably would have calmed me down. “We’re going to get through this. Just keep breathing.”

Would we?

Up until now, I had been under the impression that we’d put distance between us and them. We’d done everything right, been so, so careful. Where had we gone wrong?

Another harsh shudder went through me, and I tried to focus on the constant beating of Kieran’s heart. He was remarkably good at keeping his composure, and it was normally very calm. Except that wasn’t the case now. His heart was pounding. Even when he was running from his home, knowing full well that the Strangers were still somewhere nearby, it hadn’t sounded like this.

Kieran was scared. And if he was scared, that meant that this was very, very bad.

I squeezed my eyes shut tight as the pressure of his hand vanished, and he started hurriedly moving around. They couldn’t touch me here, that much was true, but they weren’t stupid. If they’d figured out that Kieran was the one hiding me, they would find a way. Just like that day at the track, they’d find a way to drag me back down into their awful world.

Death would be a mercy.

“Please,” I whispered. Over the rush of everything going on, I doubted that he could hear me anyway. “Please, please, please.”

What was I begging for? Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I knew. For them not to find me, for them not to harm Kieran. For us to somehow make it out of this mess. But there was nothing that I could do about it from in here. All I could do was put my trust in Kieran and hope that, somehow, he could find a way.

Kieran:

“So these people are real-life traffickers?” Luca was saying as I rushed to jam everything into my bag without breaking any of the small serum containers. “And they’re downstairs?”

“Yeah, so you need to get out of here.” I threw my bag over my shoulder, but as I made to reach for the door, Luca put a hand on my shoulder.

There was a pained look on his face, and something about it stopped me in my tracks. While I had an extensive list of clients who admired me for one reason or another, there was little that ever went beyond it. I didn’t have any family who particularly cared for me, and any friends or lovers were temporary at best. All except for Luca. Luca, who for the four years that I’d known him, had never looked at me like that. Like I was tearing his heart to pieces.

“Kier,” he said, his voice surprisingly soft. “I know you’ve been through some fucked up shit, man. I witnessed enough of it, but you can’t honestly think I would just walk away from you right now. You’re my best friend. I told you I’m in, and I meant it. What can I do?”

If it weren’t for the fact that I could hear Xana sobbing quietly inside of me, I would have been at a loss for words. But even though I knew they meant something powerful, I didn’t have time to think about them. That would have to wait.

“I- I need a place to go,” I managed to say. “They’ll expect me to go to another nearby city like I have been, but-”

Luca barely even let me finish. “Done. You’re going to stay with me for a few days. I live hours away, it wouldn’t be hard to take a tricky route to get there, and I have a really good security system. Besides, you need some time to genuinely rest, and she needs some food and a semblance of stability.”

I shook my head, my throat growing tight. “And what if this leads them to you? I can’t be the reason you get hurt.”

A wicked-looking smile came over him, and even though some of it was forced, it calmed me just slightly. “I’ll be fine. I’ve dealt with plenty of strange, borderline-psychotic clients before. I know how to handle myself.”

“Okay, fine,” I said, and his shoulders slumped in relief. “But they can’t find out we’re together. You need to leave now, but don’t go through the front entrance. Take one of the side ones and try to stay in a crowd. I don’t know if they would recognize you or not, so that’s the safest bet. Then I’ll wait a couple of minutes before leaving myself.”

Luca hesitated a moment before pulling me into a tight hug.

“Be safe. I mean it,” he said before releasing me and heading out the door.

I waited a couple of minutes after that, one hand absentmindedly rubbing at Xana as I struggled to think of a plan. If it really was me that they were looking for, there was only a small chance that they wouldn’t notice me leaving, and that meant I needed to be prepared. Was I capable of pretending to be oblivious? Realistically, it was the only option I had. Anything else would suggest that I knew where Xana was, and that was dangerous.

I waited another five minutes just to be safe, and with a quick, not-so-calming breath, I left the room.

---

I stepped through the hotel doors into a sea of busy people, and for a moment, I felt a wave of intense relief. If I slipped into the crowd, maybe I could get away from here after all. It was a long shot, but-

“Hello, Kieran Thorne.”

An icy chill shot down my back, and I felt Xana go deathly still inside of me. But there was no time for hesitation, and I promptly turned around, a bewildered expression on my face.

As expected, standing before me were the same two people from my doorstep. Except this time, there was a hunger in their eyes, a viciousness that made me wish I could wrap my arms protectively around my middle.

“Hi,” I said with a hint of uncertainty. The woman’s eyebrows furrowed briefly in surprise. “I’m sorry, can I help you?”

It was the man who spoke this time, his voice low and gravelly. “You may not remember, but we stopped at your home a few weeks ago. Trying to find our daughter.”

My eyes widened, and I tried my best not to think about all of the times I’d heard Xana cry or scream in her sleep or the fact that nearly every time, it had everything to do with him. “Oh- I’m so sorry. I didn’t recognize you. Were you able to find her?”

He smiled thinly. “No, we haven’t.”

“I’m terribly sorry to hear that.”

The woman took a small step toward me. For a second, I almost thought that her eyes drifted down toward my stomach. “We tried to stop by again, but you were gone. In fact, we’ve come back several times, and it appears that you’re never home.”

“I’ve been horribly sick for quite some time. I actually spent some time in the hospital,” I said, forcing an awkward laugh. “I’ve been away on business since then, but if I hear or see anything when I return, I will be sure to let you know.”

“Yes, we’ll be sure to stop by again.” There was a dark edge to her voice now, but my calm expression didn’t waver. “Do have a speedy recovery.”

“Thank you. Good luck with your daughter,” I said, but they’d already begun to turn away. There had been a slightly puzzled expression on their faces, and I hoped that somehow that was a good sign.

I set off in the other direction in what I could only hope was a casual walk. At least they couldn’t see the way that my hands had begun to shake or hear the way my heart was racing in my chest. But the train station was nearby, and if I was lucky, within the next ten or fifteen minutes, I would be on my way out of here. All of this immediately left my mind, however, when I heard Xana hyperventilating inside of me.

At this point, I’d seen and heard Xana cry more times than I could count. Whether it be panic attacks, nightmares, or flashbacks, I’d been under the impression that I’d seen it all. But I had never heard anything like this.

Even though I couldn’t see her, the sounds she was making told me enough. She was sobbing hysterically, harder than anything she’d ever done before, and she wasn’t breathing.

I looked at the crowd around me with a growing panic. There were too many people, and if for some reason, the Strangers had turned around to watch, seeing me talking to myself wasn’t going to help my case. But it was torture hearing her like that. I couldn’t speak to her, couldn’t touch her, and I knew that right now, leaving her alone was the worst thing I could do.

Fuck fuck fuck

I caught sight of the station up ahead, and I rushed to pick up my pace. By the time I was at the counter to purchase a ticket, I was nearly out of breath.

“I need a private compartment,” I said, and I hurriedly handed over the money and boarded the train.

By the time I found my compartment, Xana had only gotten worse, and I shut the door with way more force than necessary before dropping down onto the bench.

“Xana, Xana,” I said softly, and at the sound of my voice, she sobbed harder. I started rubbing at her little form firmly, my heart all but breaking in my chest. “They’re gone. They aren’t going to get you back, I promise. I won’t let them. It’s okay.”

“They know I’m with you,” she gasped. Honestly, I was shocked she could speak at all. “They always win. They always win, and they’re going to take me back. They’re going to-”

“No one’s taking you away. I swear on my life, Xana, I will not let them take you. You’re safe with me, and that will not change.”

I closed my eyes, focusing on slowing everything down. My heart, my lungs, because if I was going to calm her down, I couldn’t be panicked. She could hear it all, and it wasn’t helping.

“Focus on me,” I murmured. “Focus on my breathing. Listen to my heartbeat. Everything’s alright.”

She was still crying, but her breathing gradually started to improve. I started rubbing slow, soothing circles against her, and the tight curl she was in loosened just slightly.

“Please don’t let them hurt me,” she said, her voice broken and small. So deeply unlike Xana. It sent a sharp pang through my chest.

“Shh…I won’t let anything hurt you. No one’s going to hurt you.”

I kept up the constant rubs as the world passed by in a blur outside the window. I didn’t pay it any mind, though. Right now, my world consisted of nothing but the girl curled up in the center of my core.

“Where are we going?” she asked, sniffling after a little while.

“We’re going to Luca’s,” I said gently. She still hadn’t fully stopped crying, but it was a step in the right direction. “But don’t worry about that right now. We still have a long way to go. Just keep focusing on the sensations around you.”

She shifted around a little, tucking herself even closer to where my hand was resting over her. “Kieran?”

“Yeah?”

There was a small pause. Then, in a painfully fragile voice, “I’m scared.”

“I know, and I don’t blame you. But I’ve got you. Everything’s going to be alright…”

Another stretch of silence, and I continued to put all of my focus on calming her down again. At the very least, I seemed to be making progress.

She spoke up suddenly, saying, “I don’t want to come back out.”

I chuckled softly. It felt strange to laugh, all things considered, but I couldn’t help it. “You say that now, but I doubt you’ll feel that way later. Some food and space would be good for you.”

I felt her shake her head vehemently, and I was stunned when I heard her whimper. “N-No. I can’t. This is the only place where I’m safe. Please, I can’t come back out again-“

Her voice was starting to grow frantic again, and I carefully pushed back against her.

“Hey, hey…” I soothed. “I know it’s scary, but even if I bring you back out for a little while, I can always swallow you back down. I’ve got plenty of serums now, and I’ll be paying attention. You don’t have to be scared.”

“I can’t go back. I-I would rather die-”

“You’re not going back. Leave the worrying to me right now, alright? What can I do that would help you right now?”

She thought about it for a second, then quietly asked, “Can you keep talking to me? I…I want to hear your voice. Tell me about how you met Luca.”

I settled more comfortably on the bench, and with one hand gently stroking the small swell of my stomach, I launched into the grand tale of Luca. About how when he’d heard that there was another person like him, only twenty years old, being ostracized for his peculiar abilities, he made it his personal mission to find them. Only twenty-two himself, he’d found my contact information, and after learning more about what I’d gone through, he jumped on a plane, scandalized my entire community, and brought me back with him.

“He pretty much made me his apprentice after that,” I continued. “He showed me that it didn’t have to be this crazy, horrible thing. That it could be used to help people. He taught me how to be gentle, to take care of people, and I never looked back again. It sucked having to move away from him, but I wasn’t about to try taking away his business. But he’s my best friend, and I don’t know what I would do without him.”

Xana shifted a little beneath my hand. Since I’d started my story, her tremors had slowly gone away, and to my relief, she’d finally stopped crying. Up until now, I was starting to wonder if she’d even fallen asleep. With what she just went through, it wouldn’t have been a surprise.

“What did your family do to you?” she asked. She definitely sounded like she was about to fall asleep.

“A number of things,” I said carefully. “But we don’t need to talk about that right now. You’ve gone through enough.”

She stretched sleepily before nestling closer to the wall of my stomach. “Whatever it was, they all deserve a solid punch in the face. They can go fuck themselves.”

A small smile tugged at my lips. I still couldn’t believe that I’d only known her for a few months. Under these circumstances, it felt like we’d been together for entire lifetimes. To lose her…it felt unthinkable. Not just because of the heinous things that would be waiting for her, but because, rather selfishly, I’d come to really enjoy her company. Luca was the only constant I had, and it felt nice to have a second. Sure, for the first week or so, it had been pretty rocky, but once she started to trust me, it almost felt like we were friends.

I thought back on one night in particular when Xana realized that she’d missed her own birthday. Keeping track of time or months had been tricky while she was with the Strangers, and she’d realized that she actually turned twenty a few months before. It really bothered her, and while we were traveling, I surprised her by buying a cupcake and a candle from a local bakery before getting to our new hotel that night. I didn’t have anything to light it with, but I’d never seen her look so happy.

She’d definitely fallen asleep now, and I carefully wrapped my arms around my stomach. I cared for her so much that it hurt. The idea of something happening to her alone was enough to nauseate me.

Xana stayed asleep for the rest of the train ride, and I moved carefully when stepping onto the platform. Thanks to his hair, it took very little time to locate Luca in the crowd, and I filled him in once we were safely in his car.

“They talked to you?” he gaped, and I nodded with a grimace. “Holy shit. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I said. “It’s her that I’m worried about. I’ve never heard someone so afraid in my life.”

Luca shook his head, a harsh scowl on his face. “Look, I don’t know her, but this is beyond fucked up. There’s a special place in hell for those two, and they won’t be getting her back.”

I touched at my stomach protectively with one hand while the other clenched so hard that my nails dug painfully into my skin. No, they wouldn’t be getting her back. And the next time I saw them, they wouldn’t be walking away.

Chapter Text

Xana:

“I said it earlier, and I will say it again,” I snapped. “I’m. Not. Coming. Out.”

“Right, I gathered that,” Kieran said, and I felt his hand gently press against me. “And I completely understand, but you’ve been in there for over twenty-four hours. At the very least, you need to eat.”

“I’ve gone days without eating before. I’m fine.”

“And what if I told you that Luca is the best cook I’ve ever met, and he just finished making dinner? Are you really going to pass up getting to eat a real meal, not just hotel food and whatever I can fit in my backpack?”

“He- he did?” I asked, my eyes open wide even though I couldn’t see a thing. I hadn’t had a normal meal since I was taken, and despite what I told Kieran, I was hungry. Was this really all that it took to persuade me? I wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“He did. And you can eat as much of it as you want.”

I swallowed thickly. Guaranteed safety or food? Not to mention that we were at a house I’d never seen with a person I barely knew.

“How are you certain that we’re safe here?” I finally asked. “What if they followed us and break in?”

Kieran chuckled, and I leaned into his touch when he started lightly rubbing against me. “They won’t be breaking in, I can promise you that. Luca’s had some…shall we say, interesting clients, so he bought a security system that cost more than my car. They’re not getting in.”

“…fine. But if I don’t feel safe-”

“Then I’ll let you back in. I promise.”

I sighed tiredly but didn’t resist when I felt the pressure of Kieran’s hand vanish before moving to press against me from below. As always, he waited until he felt my body relax, and then he slowly added pressure until I was back in his throat.

Going back up, unsurprisingly, wasn’t nearly as pleasant as going down, but it was quick. Before I knew it, I was dripping and shivering in Kieran’s palm, and his other hand came up to shield me. From what I could see, we were in an unfamiliar bathroom. An expensive bathroom, at that.

“Are you alright?” Kieran asked, and I feebly nodded before curling up against his warm fingers. The cold was by far the worst part of it all. Compared to the heat of his stomach, the air might as well have been freezing. “Good. I’m going to set you down really quick to grab the serum, okay?”

I nodded again, and I was gently transferred to stand on the marble bathroom counter. I looked around in awe as Kieran dug through his backpack. Sure, I knew that some clients paid highly, but this was nothing like the bathroom at Kieran’s, and I had thought that was fancy. How much money did Luca make?

“So…just how rich is Luca?”

Kieran laughed before straightening up, purple vial and water bottle cap in hand. “He’s been in the business a lot longer than me, and there are some especially wealthy people around here. So you could say that he’s pretty comfortable.”

“Pretty comfortable? That’s putting it fucking mildly, and I’ve only seen the bathroom. His shower alone looks like it cost a small fortune.” He held the cap up for me after he filled it, and I chugged the delicious liquid down. A few seconds went by before the weird sensations hit, and then I found myself full-size, sitting on top of Luca’s fancy counter.

“I have some good news for you,” Kieran said, and he began sifting through his bag again. “Yesterday, Luca went into a nearby city, and he brought you these-”

My eyes flew wide as he pulled out a bundle of clothing. Not the clothes Kieran had been lending me throughout our travels. Clothes like the ones I used to wear, and I was at a loss for words when he handed them to me. It was a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, but they were my size with feminine colors and so soft.

“Thank you,” I breathed. Maybe Luca wasn’t so bad after all.

He smiled warmly. “No problem. I’ll be outside, and when you’re done showering and changing, I’ll take you to the dining room.”

I hurriedly got in the shower once the door clicked shut, and when I emerged in a towel fifteen minutes later, I felt better than I had in years. And as I wrung out my hair face to face with my reflection, I found that for the first time, I didn’t fully hate what I saw. Sure, I was still painfully thin and had a nauseating collection of scars, but I could actually see some sparks of life in me again. It was nice.

After that, I changed into my new clothes, which were just as comfortable as they looked, and went out to meet Kieran.

He looked me up and down, a small smile on his lips, and I beamed.

“It’s nice seeing you so happy,” he said, and I felt heat rush to my cheeks. For a second, I was transfixed beneath his dark blue gaze, and before I could stop myself, I hugged him fiercely.

He froze for a second before slowly wrapping his arms around me in return. Maybe it was a mistake, but the feel of his body against mine, of his arms around me, was so soothing and safe. My face burned brighter, and I pressed my face firmly into his collarbone. Even before I was taken, I’d never felt so intensely about anyone. It was overwhelming, but the idea of ever losing him was terrifying.

“Everything okay?” he asked softly.

“Um, yeah,” I said before reluctantly pulling away. “I just- ah, needed you. I don’t know-”

Kieran lightly touched my shoulder, and I immediately shut up. “Hey, that’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you were all right.”

I nodded, but my thoughts were racing. I wasn’t sure what they meant, but I wasn’t equipped to deal with them now. “So…where are we going?”

“Not that far. Follow me-”

He led me down the hall, and I was instantly hit by a heavenly aroma. By the time we reached Luca in the dining room, I was practically salivating, but I stopped in my tracks when I saw the windows lining the wall. While they had curtains pulled shut in front of them, it still left my heart beating unsteadily.

Luca followed my gaze. “They’re all tinted as well,” he said. “The curtains are just an extra layer of security. I also have surveillance all around the outside of the house, a series of alarm systems, and specialty locks on every door and window, and any attempts at breaking those locks automatically send an alert to the police nearby. The minute someone even crosses over my property line, I know.”

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. Kieran wasn’t kidding. Even I didn’t have a comeback for that.

With my nerves somewhat put at ease, I finally allowed my gaze to fall to the table, and I nearly cried at the sight. It was a stir-fry of some kind, with chicken and vegetables and a sauce that smelled absolutely heavenly. A bowl of fluffy white rice sat next to it, and I was suddenly very glad that Kieran had managed to coax me to come out.

Kieran held out a plate, and I nearly ripped it out of his hands. Maybe I should have been more polite. In fact, my mother would probably have been scandalized, but two years' worth of starvation was a powerful thing to combat. Kieran didn’t look fazed in the slightest as I hurriedly started filling my plate, but Luca was watching in what could only be described as wide-eyed fascination.

Neither of them spoke to me as they joined me at the table and, much more civilly, grabbed plates of their own. Or if they did, I certainly hadn’t noticed. I was too busy basking in my own personal heaven. If my stomach hadn’t become so full that it hurt, I probably wouldn’t have stopped.

Eventually, Kieran stood to begin gathering the dishes, leaving me sitting across from Luca.

He ran a hand through his fiery hair and straightened up. “So, Xana…I know I didn’t make the best impression before,” he said, “but I just want to formally state that I am only here to help. I will not speak of this to anybody, and I have rescheduled any clients that I was supposed to see this week. You guys are welcome to stay as long as you need to, and I will do anything that I can to help.”

I nodded slowly, my gaze momentarily drifting over to Kieran before settling back on him. If he was the type of person to save Kieran from whatever his family was putting him through, maybe I could find a way to trust him. The place to stay, clothes, and food could all be a ruse, but something like that was not.

“…alright,” I finally said, and his posture visibly relaxed. “While I can’t say I’m about to give you my undying trust, Kieran speaks very highly of you, and I trust him. So…thank you.”

He smiled slightly. “I’m glad to hear it, and there’s no need for thanks. You trusted the right person.”

“At this point, I’m just lucky he doesn’t hate me.”

It was at that moment that Kieran chose to return, his eyebrows raised in surprise. “Why would I hate you?”

“Well, my being a bitch would probably be a good place to start,” I said, leaning back in my chair. It was almost alarmingly strange, sitting here with them. It was the closest I’d come to normal in a long time, and something about that was slightly terrifying.

Luca snorted, and Kieran rolled his eyes. “To be fair, I don’t think you qualify as a bitch. If you were happy-go-lucky or overly friendly at any point during this, I would have been worried for your sanity.”

“I don’t know if you should have stopped worrying about that.”

Kieran shook his head, a soft, fond look in his eyes, and I felt the same warmth from earlier flood my face. Luca regarded me with a raised brow, a thoughtful look coming over him, but said nothing.

“So…” I said slowly. “What do we do now?”

“For now, you’re both staying here,” Luca said, to which Kieran nodded in agreement. “You both need this. You couldn’t keep going the way you guys were for much longer. And if you’ve both slept and eaten like normal people for a few days, you’re going to be able to think much clearer. At the very least, get one night’s sleep before you start to formulate your plan.”

I shifted anxiously in my seat, my thoughts already starting to swirl. Staying put was never an option, or at least it hadn’t been so far. The longest we’d ever stayed anywhere was two nights, and even then, I was always uneasy. It felt like giving them an advantage, somehow. Even if they couldn’t physically take me within these walls, it felt dangerous. But what did those next steps look like? Kieran wasn’t going to run with me forever. He had a life. When it came down to it, he wasn’t going to choose me. He had no reason to.

The thought made my throat tighten painfully, and I was startled by the gentle touch of Kieran’s hand over my own.

I must have dissociated badly because Kieran had crossed the room and knelt down beside me, all without me noticing a thing. He carefully rubbed his thumb along the knuckles of my hand, which had been trembling in my lap. My eyes watered momentarily, but I furiously blinked the tears back.

“I don’t blame you for not wanting to stay,” he murmured, “but I think it’s for the best. If we don’t take care of our bodies, we’re going to run into a lot of problems, Xana. This isn’t long-term, I promise.”

“Okay,” I whispered. I didn’t trust my voice not to crack. Luca was still sitting nearby, and even if he was potentially trustworthy, that didn’t mean I trusted him seeing me break. I couldn’t allow it.

Kieran’s eyes darted briefly to Luca before settling back on me, a look of understanding coming over him. He squeezed my hand once before getting back to his feet. “You wouldn’t know this, Xana, but Luca is a film geek with a truly ridiculous television. Care for a distraction? I think we all could use one, to be honest.”

“My TV isn’t ridiculous!” Luca protested, his attention completely diverted back to Kieran, looking thoroughly betrayed. “What’s the fun in watching a movie on a tiny TV? It’s a perfectly fair purchase!”

There was a mischievous gleam in his eyes as he lightly shrugged his shoulders. “Spoken like a true obnoxiously wealthy person. Normal people’s televisions don’t take up half of the wall. If you keep this up, the McLean’s are going to be coming here to hang out, not as your clients.”

Luca’s jaw dropped, and my eyebrows furrowed. “Who are the McLean’s?”

“His very wealthy clients,” Kieran said with a grin. “According to Luca, they live in a mansion several miles down the road from here, and every time they come for appointments, they brag to him about their latest endeavors. He despises them.”

“Because they’re rich?” I asked.

“Because they’re snobs!” Luca exclaimed. “I don’t need to constantly be reminded that my lawn isn’t properly manicured or that their kitchen was recently renovated and that I should think about updating mine because it’s apparently horrendously outdated!”

“If I remember correctly, you can also thank those snobs for recommending all of their equally rich friends to you for your services.”

“Look, you don’t get the weird ones, Kier! You have no right to judge,” he complained. “They also tried to steal from me!”

I was thoroughly mystified now. “The snobby rich people tried to rob you?”

An angry blush rose in his cheeks, looking comically similar to his hair. Kieran looked overjoyed.

“The wife is, ah, a little obsessed with me,” he said miserably. “I’ve caught her trying to take things before, but not expensive things. Just my things. One time, I caught her slipping a bar of soap I’d used in her purse! So I’m sorry if I don’t want to be compared to the creepy rich bastards!”

Kieran was laughing hysterically beside me, and all I could do was stare in shock. “She wanted your used soap?”

Luca glared in Kieran’s direction. “Are you happy now? You just can’t let anyone go without learning that I have a middle-aged woman stalking my personal products.”

“Very,” he said brightly before gesturing for me to stand. “Now, let’s watch a movie on your obnoxious TV.”

It took everything in me not to reach out and hug him. Even aside from the fact that he had gotten Luca’s attention off of me, he’d also snapped me out of my spiral before it could lead to something worse. Possibly at Luca’s expense, but he seemed to be enjoying that part.

Despite everything, I felt a small smile tug at my lips, and I followed Kieran and a still-complaining Luca back into the hall.

Kieran:

As much as I loved to mock him for it, Luca’s over-the-top home movie theater was exactly what I needed to soothe some of Xana’s nerves. She still was careful to position herself in a place where she could see all doors and corners of the room, but gradually, as time went by, the tension eased out of her.

By the time we headed back towards the bedrooms, it was almost nine, and Xana looked like she was moments away from keeling over. That is, until a single sentence from Luca immediately snapped her back into a panic.

“So, this room will be yours, Xana-” Luca said, indicating the door of one of his guest bedrooms, and Xana’s eyes flew wide. “The door has a lock that you are more than welcome to use, and the window is tinted and covered by a curtain that no one can see through. And Kieran-” Luca continued on, completely oblivious. “I figured you would want your usual room since some of your stuff is still in it. I’ll let you guys have some privacy, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to come get me.”

Xana looked like she was about to either be sick or burst into tears, but I casually stepped in front of her, saying, “Thanks, Luca. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem, man,” he said, and he hugged me tightly before disappearing into his own room.

I turned back to Xana once I heard the door click shut. She stood with her arms wrapped around her middle, looking so frightened that I had to restrain myself from pulling her into my arms. Sometimes, she liked to be held, but doing it suddenly could also seem threatening.

“Please- please don’t leave me alone,” she breathed. “I- I can’t-”

“That’s okay,” I said softly. She was so afraid of Luca seeing her break down. The last thing she needed was for him to accidentally overhear this. “I’ll stay with you. I’m not going to leave you alone.”

Xana nodded, her arms still locked tightly around herself as I moved to open the door to her room. She paused in the doorway, her eyes rapidly scanning for anything suspicious before hesitantly going inside. It was a simple guest room with nothing more than a bed, a pair of nightstands, and a dresser, but even once I’d shut the door behind us, she was still peering around. What it was she was looking for, I wasn’t sure, but it made me sad all the same.

“Have you been in here before?” she asked.

I sat down on the edge of the bed. “I have. It’s just a typical bedroom. Nothing threatening or hidden.”

She took a moment to process this, a torn look on her face, before she sighed and sat beside me. “Thank you. For now, and for earlier. It means a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome. Now, what’s this about you thinking I’m going to hate you?”

“Oh, um…” She pulled lightly on the ends of her dark hair, twisting the long strands around her fingers. “I just- you’re so nice to me, and there have been an awful lot of times where I wasn’t very nice to you.”

“Considering the circumstances, I can’t say that I was expecting you to act any differently.”

For a second, a dazed look came over her teal eyes. “I didn’t use to be like this. I never would have spoke to anyone the way I’ve spoken to you. It’s like I’m an entirely different person.”

“You’re still you, Xana. You’ve just been through a lot. Besides, I’ve actually enjoyed your company.”

She looked up at me then, a puzzled look on her face. “You have? You’re not doing this just because you feel bad for me?”

“Maybe a little at first, but definitely not now,” I said. Xana was staring at me in blatant shock, and I suddenly got the feeling that this conversation was very important. I chose my next words carefully. “Other than Luca, I’ve never really had any genuine friendships. Obviously, this is under extreme circumstances, but I like you. This goes way beyond pity. At this point, I’ve started to view you as a friend.”

It took her several moments to respond. When she did, her voice shook. “I used to have friends. A family, too, but no one has ever made me feel the way you do. If all of this ever ends for me, I hope we can be. Friends, I mean. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

I reached over to squeeze her hand tightly. “This is going to end for you,” I said firmly. “We’re going to find a way out of this, and I will always be your friend.”

“Thanks, Kieran,” she said softly.

We got up then to get ready for bed. Xana looked like she hadn’t slept in years, and my own exhaustion was catching up to me quickly. She wasn’t the only one who struggled to sleep, knowing who it was we were running from. Luca was right. We both desperately needed this.

A short while later, we got into bed, me on one side and her on the other, leaving a sizeable gap in between. Even if it was a long shot, I had hoped that she would fall asleep quickly, but there was a faraway look on her face when I made to reach for the lamp.

I slowly lowered my arm back down, turning on my side to face her fully. “Xana? Are you okay?”

“The dark place is a trunk,” she said, and I froze. Since that first night, I’d never brought up the dark place again, and I hadn’t heard her utter the words unless she was trapped in a nightmare. “You know, one of those big chests people use to store stuff.”

It was like the air was trapped in my lungs. There was no way I was actually hearing this. “They put you in a trunk?”

She nodded mechanically, her eyes on me without seeing me. “I could only fit if I had my knees up against my chest. It was my worst punishment. They’d leave me in there for days, with nothing but a bunch of tiny holes to give me oxygen. It was just pain and darkness. They wouldn’t even let me out to use the bathroom.”

I wasn’t a violent person. In fact, I hated the idea of causing harm to another person, all until now. I wanted to kill those people with my bare hands. I knew that there were evil people in the world, but to do something so unspeakably cruel…

“Xana…” I whispered. What even was there to say? How do you respond to something so horrific?

Her lip trembled, a few tears slipping down her cheeks as she said, “Can you hold me?”

“I- yeah, of course.”

I opened my arms and carefully drew her to my chest. She curled up against me, her head firmly pressed where she would be able to hear the beating of my heart as her shoulders shook. From the last few months with Xana, I learned very quickly that she was not a weak person. She was tough, stronger than I could ever be, with a will, determination, and perseverance that was completely unmatched. But in moments like this, when she looked so painfully fragile, I had to be the anchor.

“You’re okay,” I said, tightening my arms around her. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I wish there was something I could do to undo it. But it won’t ever happen again. That’s a promise.”

“Please don’t leave me,” she said, her voice strangled, and I instinctively pressed my lips to her hair.

“I’m not going to leave you. I’m right here, and I’m not leaving.”

And that was how we stayed long after we both fell asleep, with Xana clinging onto me like her life depended on it, and my arms locked around her as if I could protect her from the world and all the evil that lurked in it.

Chapter Text

Kieran:

I wasn’t sure how long I’d been asleep when I was startled awake by Xana.

She was still asleep, but she was definitely having a nightmare. Her body was trembling lightly in my arms, quiet whimpers escaping her every minute or so.

I sighed quietly before beginning to softly run my hand up and down her back. It was hardly anything new, but she’d never had one while I was still holding her before. Judging by the fact that it still looked dark out, maybe I could find a way to calm her without waking her and go back to sleep.

“You’re alright,” I whispered, but it was at that moment that a particularly harsh shudder went through her, and she weakly burrowed deeper into my chest. As if she was trying to hide, and my heart broke. “Oh, Xana…”

I changed tactics, instead gently jostling her shoulder. She gave a small gasp, her eyes flying open, but I was ready for it.

“Shh, everything’s okay,” I murmured, and she clutched onto me tighter. “You’re safe, you were just having a nightmare. Do you want me to swallow you?”

Her voice was muffled against the fabric of my shirt. “P-please.”

“Okay. I’m going to have to move you for just a second so that I can grab my bag-”

She reluctantly let go of me, and when I turned on the lamp, I found her with her knees to her chest, tears silently trickling down her cheeks while she stared forward blankly. I could only pray that her telling me about the dark place wasn’t what caused it. Xana was already so exhausted. Considering what her life was like prior to the last few months, sleep probably wasn’t a very peaceful thing for her, but I had to at least try to change it. Whether it was in my arms or inside of me, I didn’t care. She just needed to sleep.

It would hardly fix everything, but at the very least, she could feel even a little bit better.

I quickly prepared a serum, and Xana didn’t so much as flinch when I injected it into the crook of her arm. Soon enough, she was sitting in the palm of my hand, staring back up at me with weary eyes.

Something felt different this time. I’d swallowed her more times than I could count at this point, many of which were when Xana was in some form of distress, but after what she’d shared with me several hours ago, there was something deeply vulnerable about it. Something was shifting between us, an intimacy that wasn’t there before, and I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it.

The thought of her in the trunk she’d described flashed in my mind, trapped in the cramped dark, starved in her soiled clothing, and it was a struggle to keep myself from trembling with rage. But it had taken a lot out of her, sharing that brutal part of her not-so-distant past, and it wasn’t my anger that she needed right now. Xana wanted to feel protected. Like there was someone who wanted to keep her safe, not harm her, and that was something that I was more than capable of doing.

I gently stroked her back with my thumb, and for a moment, the glazed look in her eyes faltered. “Ready?”

She mutely nodded her head, and I lifted her to my mouth, carefully easing her in with my fingers and my tongue. The first time we did this, she was terrified. This had been something entirely foreign. At worst, something straight out of a nightmare. But she simply held still as I closed my mouth around her now, already relaxing slightly just at the prospect of what came next.

I waited a minute for my saliva to gather around her, preparing her to safely slip into my throat, and once I was sure that she was ready, I swallowed softly.

Xana entered my throat effortlessly, and another, stronger swallow sent her down the rest of the way. She went completely limp the minute I felt her weight settle in my stomach, and her breathing deepened as soon as I began rubbing gently at her.

It was a relief, feeling her fall back asleep, but I was wide awake now. I didn’t move at first, waiting until I was sure she was in a deep sleep before standing. There was no point in lying back down now. I knew exactly what thoughts would be circling through my mind, and as horrible as it was, I couldn’t stomach thinking about what those monsters had done right now. I already needed to keep my heart calm as is, and that wasn’t going to help.

Luca’s house felt unnervingly quiet as I stepped into the hall. It was a familiar place to me. I’d spent more than enough time here to feel at home by now, but knowing who was currently asleep and completely vulnerable in my middle made the silence feel threatening. They may not have been able to break into Luca’s home, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be watched. Even with the thick curtains and tinted windows, it was hard not to feel paranoid. No wonder Xana was so on edge before.

I made my way to the living room, and I nearly jolted out of my skin.

Evidently, I wasn’t the only one who couldn’t sleep, because Luca was in the middle of pacing the floor, his fiery hair a tangled mess. When he caught sight of me, he merely raised an eyebrow.

“I see that I’m not the only one who couldn’t sleep,” he said, his eyes falling to where my hand was still held protectively over my stomach. “Is she…?”

“Asleep,” I confirmed. Luca took a seat on the couch, and I settled into an armchair beside it. “Xana doesn’t exactly sleep peacefully. Sometimes she needs a little help.”

He frowned at that, his expression grave. It was almost unnerving, coming from him. While Luca was more than capable of being professional and sincere, as his friend, I was used to his charming dramatics and carefree humor, none of which was present as he asked, “What are you planning to do, Kieran? Honestly.”

“I…I’m still figuring it out,” I admitted quietly. “I’m not abandoning her. I refuse to. That’s not an option, but they’re following me because they think she’s with me.”

Luca leaned back in his seat, watching me steadily. “And? You might as well tell me. I might be able to help.”

I closed my eyes, focusing solely on Xana’s heartbeat and breathing. Once I was certain she wasn’t awake, I said, “I need to lead them away from her. If they see me going about my life like normal, maybe even taking clients again, they’ll eventually realize that she’s not with me. Maybe I could find a way to stop them.”

“And she would stay here?”

My chest tightened painfully at the thought, and I nodded with a grimace. “If you would be willing, yes. She’s safe in this house, and I know that I can trust you to take care of her until I come back.”

“Of course,” he said without hesitation, and some of the pain eased just slightly. “But please tell me you’re at least going to stay here a few days first? I get that you’re in ultimate protector mode right now, but you still need to recover first. She might be in way worse shape, but you don’t look so good either, Kier.”

“I know,” I said, stroking my stomach absentmindedly. “I wouldn’t leave until I was convinced that she would be okay without me here, and we’re definitely not there yet. So you don’t need to worry about that. Now, why aren’t you asleep?”

Luca laughed softly before leaning forward, his forearms resting on his knees. “You really thought that I’d be able to go to sleep like normal? I’m not that self-absorbed.” He looked to my stomach again, and a pained look flashed in his eyes. “Being around her, I don’t know…I get why you did it. Even if she hadn’t started to lower her guard around me a little bit, I still get it. I’ve never seen someone look so haunted. There has to be a retribution. You can’t be that evil and just get away with it.”

Xana stirred lightly beneath my hand, and I rubbed against her more firmly until she relaxed again. They wouldn’t be getting away with anything. Not if I could help it.

“Maybe we can do it,” I said quietly. “You just have to promise me that when it comes down to it, you’ll take care of her. It’s not easy. She’s traumatized, and it takes a lot of patience. Ideally, I don’t want to be gone for that long, but it’s going to be hard for her.”

His lips quirked up at the corner. “Do keep in mind that I’m the one who taught you that impeccable bedside manner. I might not be as soft as you are, but I know how to take care of people. That’s the business, after all. Making your clients feel safe enough to trust you when they’re at their most vulnerable. You don’t need to worry about that.”

Despite how sickening the idea of temporarily leaving her was, Luca’s words, his sincerity, made the crushing weight on my shoulders lessen. I trusted Luca with my life, and I’d seen how he treated his clients on numerous occasions. Even if he was brazen and unabashed, he knew how to be gentle, and he would never do anything to hurt her. I just needed to help her feel more comfortable around him. From what I knew of Xana so far, if her PTSD wasn’t a factor, she probably would have loved him.

I matched his hesitant smile. “You know, I think you two could be friends. Under different circumstances.”

Luca’s own smile morphed into a wry grin. “What, you don’t think I’m capable of winning her over? Who knows, maybe by the time you come back, she’ll like me better than you.”

“You’re going to have to rely on a lot more than your charm,” I said with a laugh. “But seriously, thank you. I- I don’t know what I would do without you.”

His face softened, and he got to his feet. “Alright, get over here. You can’t say shit like that and expect me not to hug you.”

I stood, chuckling softly, and as carefully as I could without jostling Xana, I hugged Luca tightly.

We stayed that way for a minute, and I couldn’t help but breathe in the remaining scent of his cologne, something warm like sandalwood. It took me back to the many times when I had been the one that Luca tried to make feel safe. I was broken beyond repair when he plucked me out of my living nightmare. I owed him everything, and yet when I asked him to do something not only incredibly challenging, but also dangerous, he didn’t so much as flinch.

“We’ll figure it out,” he said. “I don’t care how difficult it gets. I’m with you.”

“And that’s another debt I’ll never be able to repay.”

I stepped back in time to see Luca shaking his head, his gaze sharp. “The only one keeping score is you, my friend. You’re my best friend. It’s not a debt. Now let’s at least try to get some sleep.”

We began walking back toward the hall, and just when Luca made to turn towards his own room, he stopped, turning back to face me. His face was unreadable.

“Kieran,” he said, almost hesitantly, “are you and Xana, like…” he paused, taking in my bewildered expression. What on earth was he getting at? “…never mind. Goodnight.”

And with that, he disappeared into his room, leaving me alone, thoroughly mystified, in the hall.

---

Not surprisingly, Xana wasn’t thrilled by the idea of coming out when I eventually woke up again, which left me to go about my morning with her still tucked away inside. Which I really didn’t mind. I was more than accustomed to the familiar, warm weight of her in my stomach. If anything, it was almost a relief, knowing that she was inaccessible to anyone but me. Even if it did lead to some minor problems. The most problematic being hunger.

We’d gotten to a point a while ago where she wasn’t opposed to me drinking water as long as I drank it slowly and gave her a warning beforehand. Food, however, was a different story.

It had happened a few times since that first time I had no choice but to eat while she was still inside me. I only did if I’d reached the point of feeling sick, and while that wasn’t often, it didn’t make it any less horrifying for her. It wasn’t like I could blame her for it. She might know that she’s safe, but that doesn’t take away the anxiety from having digestion happen around her.

I talked her through it until it was over, making sure she had my full attention the whole time, but it didn’t take away the guilt. I wasn’t near that point yet, but I was hungry, and considering where she was, that was pretty difficult to hide.

She shifted uncomfortably when my stomach growled, pushing anxiously at my stomach wall as I was getting dressed after my shower.

“Don’t worry about it,” I said, rubbing gently over her once before setting aside my damp towel. “I’m fine. I can eat later.”

“Are you sure?” she said uncertainly. “I feel bad. If you need to, I can-”

“I appreciate the offer, but we don’t have to do that. It’s not that bad, and I’m not going to put you through that right now.”

“It doesn’t sound like it’s not that bad.”

I chuckled as I pulled on the pair of sweatpants Luca let me borrow. “That’s because I could smell Luca making his breakfast earlier. I’m fine, Xana. I promise.”

“Will you eat something if I come out?”

“Well, yeah,” I said, furrowing my eyebrows. “But that’s really not necessary. You said you didn’t want to come out yet.”

“Maybe I changed my mind.”

“Or maybe you’re being stubborn because you feel guilty.”

She shifted around again, and I didn’t doubt that she was crossing her arms, a familiar, displeased frown on her face. “I said that I changed my mind. Spit me out before I revolt.”

I snorted at that, and setting aside the t-shirt in my hand, I left to retrieve my backpack. “You’ll revolt, will you? And what exactly do you think you can do to me at that size?”

There was a small impact against the front of my stomach as I grabbed the bag from where I’d left it in Xana’s room. An uncomfortable sensation, but one that barely lasted for more than two seconds. It was promptly followed by a string of curses, and I burst out laughing.

“Did you just kick me?” I asked, which was answered with another small blow and more cursing. “Xana. You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep that up.”

“How don’t you feel that?” she exclaimed. “I feel like I just broke my fucking foot, and you’re telling me that does nothing to you?”

I shut the bathroom door behind me, already digging the growth serum out of the bag. “If it were that easy for my clients to hurt me, I would have quit this business a long time ago. Now settle down so that I can get you out and see how badly you hurt your foot.”

She gave a small “hmph”, but once I felt her muscles relax, I gently guided her back into my throat.

Bringing someone back up wasn’t as pleasant as swallowing them down, but it was luckily a quick affair. I had Xana back out safely within a couple of seconds, leaving her cupped safely in the palm of my hand.

“Alright, now what exactly did you-” I started, but stopped when I saw her cheeks turn an alarming shade of scarlet.

“Um- Kieran-” she squeaked. “You…you’re not wearing a shirt-”

My eyes flew wide. Oh. That.

I set her carefully on the counter and snatched it from where I’d left it to get the serums, quickly tugging it over my head. Xana was still staring at me like she’d seen a ghost.

“You didn’t strike me as the workout type,” she said weakly.

“I’ll pretend that’s not an insult.” I poured some of the serum into the water bottle cap, holding it up for her to drink. “But yes, believe it or not, I work out.”

By the time she was sitting full-sized on the counter, some of the blush had faded from her cheeks, but she still looked frazzled. What was also noticeable was the bruises around her left ankle. Just how hard did she kick me?

“Were you trying to kick a hole through my stomach?” I asked. When I touched it lightly with my hand, she flinched.

Xana angrily tugged on the damp ends of her hair, a scowl on her lips. “I didn’t think it would actually hurt you, so I kicked hard. What I wasn’t expecting was for there to be very, very little give.”

“Well, yeah,” I said. “You’re kicking into a wall of muscle.”

“More muscle than I thought,” she muttered, shooting another wary glance at my now clothed torso.

A small smile tugged at my lips. I felt bad that I’d indirectly hurt her, but it was a relief to see her this way. Acting like herself. Not the way she was when I had to swallow her in the middle of the night. Which was a part of her, too, but I knew that Xana worried about whether or not her captivity had robbed her of her personality. Judging from times like this, ridiculous as it was, it just served as proof that she was wrong. If I remembered, I’d point it out to her later.

“It’s nothing that a little ice can’t fix,” I said. “I’m assuming you want to shower, so if you want, I have some clothes you can borrow while I wash yours-”

Her teal eyes widened, something like fear flashing in them. “Wait! Don’t go.”

My eyebrows furrowed. “It’s okay. I’ll be right outside. It will only be for a little bit.”

Xana shook her head hard, and for a moment her lip trembled. “No. Don’t leave. Please.”

I was at a loss for words. We’d never had an issue about her or my being in the bathroom alone. Even at the worst points, my being outside the door had always been enough to make her feel safe. What changed?

“Okay…” I said slowly. She was hugging herself tightly, refusing to meet my gaze, and I found myself truly at a loss. “Do you want to talk about this first?”

“No.” She slid off from the counter, wincing when she landed on her injured ankle. “Obviously, I don’t want you to, like, watch, but…just don’t leave. Please.”

“Okay,” I repeated, “I won’t leave.”

I took a seat on the bathroom floor, turning my attention to the door while Xana undressed. I waited for the sound of the shower curtain being pulled, but there was a pause first. As if she had to make sure I was still there before she got in, like I might vanish the minute she turned her back.

Something was off. She went from relatively relaxed to tense and guarded the minute I mentioned leaving the room. Xana had never particularly liked it when I left her alone for long, which was perfectly understandable, but this was strange even for her.

She pulled the curtain shut, and I heard the shower being turned on, but I didn’t take my eyes off the bathroom door. What was I missing?

Then it hit me.

When I was talking to Luca, there had been a moment when I felt Xana start to wake up, and I quickly got her to fall back asleep. But if she’d started to wake up before she moved…

Shit.

When the water shut off and Xana emerged, I said quietly, “You heard me last night, didn’t you?”

At first, she didn’t say a word. Then, in an uncharacteristically small voice, “Only a little, but it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out.”

I breathed out slowly, squeezing my eyes shut tight. “I hope you realize that whatever you heard is missing several key pieces of information.”

“That’s what I was hoping you would say. Um, you can turn around now.”

I turned, getting to my feet. Xana was watching me warily, looking so small now that she was back in my clothes again. It was almost painful meeting her eye.

“I would come back,” I said carefully. “It would just be to try to get the Strangers looking somewhere else. But I’m not leaving you. This is temporary.”

“Do you swear?” she asked softly.

“I do. Can I hug you?”

I’d barely finished asking the question before she all but threw herself into my arms.

Her arms locked tightly around my ribs, and there was a light tremor going through her as I slowly wrapped my arms around her in return. Her hair was soaking the front of my shirt, and her grip was practically forcing the air out of my lungs, but I didn’t make any move to separate myself. I knew what I was asking of her, and it wasn’t easy.

“So…what happens to me?” she asked, anxiety creeping into her voice.

I glanced down at her, where her head was pressed firmly against my chest, and I struggled to shove down my guilt. “You’d stay here. With Luca.”

She stiffened up at that, and I found myself feeling grateful for the fact that Luca had very thick skin. He was probably going to need it, considering what fight or flight looked like for Xana.

“And what happens,” she asked, her voice carefully measured, “if I need to be, um…”

“He’s like me, so-”

Xana recoiled, staring up at me with a mix of outrage and horror. “He’s going to- you expect me to- how?”

“Well…I kind of had a plan for that, too,” I said, taking a cautious step toward the door. Chances were, she was probably about to slam it in my face anyway.

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “What kind of plan?”

“One you’re definitely not going to like.”

Chapter Text

Xana:

“Have you lost your mind?” Luca demanded, green eyes wide as he jumped up from where he’d been sitting on the couch.

“Not at all,” Kieran said calmly. “If you think about it, it makes perfect sense.”

I scowled from where I stood in the archway of the hall. Every bone in my body wanted to agree with Luca, to announce that Kieran was out of his fucking mind and that we absolutely should not do what he says.

“With all due respect,” he snapped, “I don’t do unwilling, Kieran. I said I would help, and I meant it, but this is out of the question. If it came to it down the road, that’s one thing, but this isn’t necessary! I can’t believe that you’re even suggesting this. I’m not putting her through this right now.”

Heat flooded my cheeks when that furious gaze temporarily fell on me, and I swallowed hard against the bile that burned my throat. His reaction wasn’t all that different than mine when Kieran told me about his ‘brilliant’ plan a few hours ago. He wanted Luca to swallow me, specifically under his supervision. Not because he thought that Luca wouldn’t do it right. Technically, Luca was more qualified than he was, but Kieran was convinced that doing it now, like some kind of glorified trust exercise, would make things go better down the road when he inevitably wasn’t here.

The only reason I even allowed Kieran to swallow me in the first place was because I’d had no choice, and I only continued to allow it because he’d proven that he was safe. It was no simple process, and the first time I had been nothing short of petrified. And that was with Kieran. The only person I trusted. I still wasn’t sure if I was even willing to trust Luca, let alone let him swallow me. Like he’d said, down the road it would become more complicated, but at least by then we would have spent more time around each other. To do it now…

At the very least, it was comforting to see how horrified Luca was by the idea of causing me distress.

“Exactly,” Kieran said, voice still almost unnervingly calm. “You don’t want to swallow someone unwillingly? That’s all she’s ever going to be unless your first time happens while I’m still here.” His gaze shifted over to me. “Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.”

I clenched my jaw painfully tight but didn’t say a word, because as much as I despised it, the bastard was right.

Luca’s eyes widened. “Xana? You’re okay with this?”

“I never said that,” I said, my glare fixed firmly on Kieran. “But, unfortunately, he isn’t wrong. Unless you’re alright with having a sorely damaged conscience down the road.”

I was trying my best to play it tough. Channel everything into my temper, into the twinge of betrayal that sat heavy in my chest. But based on the pained look on Luca’s face, he was probably fully aware of how terrified I was. He was just as frustratingly observant as Kieran. Maybe it came with the profession, or maybe I just still wasn’t used to being around people who bothered to care about my feelings. One was certainly more depressing than the other.

He exhaled slowly, shaking his head lightly as he looked between us. “We’re really doing this? Because I was trying to build trust, not shatter it with a sledgehammer.”

“This is supposed to help build trust, not break it,” Kieran explained. “I want Xana to see that being swallowed by you is no less safe than being swallowed by me. I know this isn’t how either of you expected this to go, but I think it will help.”

I nodded my head, praying that they somehow didn’t see the way my body had begun to tremble.

You’re stronger than this. You’re stronger than this. You’re stronger than-

“Do you have a serum ready?” Luca asked, startling me back to the present. The guilt on his face was undeniable.

Kieran affirmed that he did, leaving the room to get it. Once he was gone, Luca took a hesitant step in my direction.

“Are you okay?” he said softly.

“Uh- yeah,” I said, but my voice was strained and shaking. “It’s just…a lot.”

Something in his face shifted at that. His guilt and reluctance were replaced with a cool calm, as if my apparent fear had somehow flipped a switch. Luca was adopting the careful composure of a professional who was working with an anxious client, and oddly enough, there was something reassuring about it.

Luca knew what he was doing. He taught Kieran, was even more well-renowned than he was. Kieran said he trusted him with his life and, evidently, mine as well. It should have been enough, but my heart continued racing in my chest.

Then Kieran was back, passing the syringe to Luca, and I swallowed hard.

“Do you want to come sit over here?” Luca asked, indicating the couch beside him.

I was out of my body, the world blurring temporarily around me, until I felt Kieran’s hand close over my shoulder. I warily raised my eyes to his, and I had to resist the urge to tuck myself into his side.

“Breathe,” he instructed, not unkindly. “You’re okay. I would never allow this if I didn’t know that you would be perfectly safe. I’ll be right here, okay?”

“Right,” I whispered, and steeling myself, I moved to take a seat beside Luca.

He was already in the process of tearing open a pack of antiseptic wipes, the syringe balanced on his thigh. I highly doubted this was how he usually went about meeting with his clients, but Kieran hadn’t exactly left him much choice. Considering the amount of pride that Luca clearly had in his practice, Kieran’s request was probably fairly insulting.

Luca flashed me a quick smile, all previous frustrations seemingly neatly filed away. What I would give to have that ability. “I’m going to take your arm in a second, alright?”

My pulse spiked. All I needed was one word, a simple affirmation, but it was like my throat was closing up. It was stupid, really. Kieran was literally five feet away from me, and he wasn’t about to let me be hurt, but my brain had turned to static.

If I were being realistic, the chance of Luca having any nefarious intentions toward me was microscopic, and yet-

Noticing my lack of response, Luca lifted his head, gaze coming back to me, and I froze beneath it. Up close, I could see the little flecks of gold in his sharp green eyes. Eyes that may not have been quite as warm as Kieran’s, but they were kind nonetheless.

“I know I’m not Kieran,” he said slowly, “but I’m not going to hurt you, Xana. I’ve been doing this for a long time now, and I take care of my clients. And you are more important than a client, so that goes tenfold for you. I’m not asking you to trust me. I know I have to prove that to you, but I hope you’ll at least let me try.”

I reluctantly nodded my head, still not trusting my voice to speak. Instead, I held out my arm, and Luca gently took it in his hand.

He quickly cleaned the skin, and I averted my gaze as he said, “You’re going to feel a small prick in a second.”

As promised, there was only a small pinch, and I squeezed my eyes shut as the familiar sensations came over me. Then, almost as quickly as it started, I was tiny on the couch, surrounded by giants.

I didn’t resist as Luca transported me into the palm of his hand, keeping the other cupped around me protectively. So similar to Kieran, but also not.

My eyes met his, and he smiled at me reassuringly.

“I’m right here,” he said again. “Nothing to worry about.”

Right. Nothing to worry about. I’m stronger than this.

I squared my shoulders and turned back to Luca, who studied me for a moment before carefully depositing me in his mouth.

At this point, being placed in someone’s mouth shouldn’t have been such a shock to the senses. If anything, the minute Kieran placed me in his mouth, I felt like I could breathe. It meant the promise of safety. This outcome wasn’t supposed to be any different. I was supposed to be strong, unbreakable, and more than capable of handling this. Kieran thought that I was, and the last thing I wanted was for Luca to get the idea that I was weak and vulnerable. Except the longer I sat on Luca’s tongue, the faster my breaths came.

Being swallowed was, without a doubt, the most intimidating part. It required trust on so many levels. Trust that you wouldn’t be crushed, trust that you were being sent somewhere that was safe. Trust that they were going to take care of you. It was hardly an easy thing, especially the first time with someone who you didn’t entirely trust.

Luca must have sensed my distress and somehow cued Kieran in on it, because then he was speaking to me.

“Xana, relax,” he said, voice sounding slightly muffled. “It’s no different than when I swallow you. Everything’s going to be alright. It will be quick, and you’re not staying long. It’s just a trust exercise, okay? Nothing to be afraid of.”

Despite myself, I couldn’t help but relax a little at the soothing tone of his words. A trust exercise. Nothing long-term. I could handle that. I would be okay.

I breathed out slowly before reluctantly relaxing on top of Luca’s tongue. He waited a moment, as if making sure I wouldn’t spook, before expertly working saliva into me in an impressively non-invasive way. Then gravity was shifting, I was sliding backward, and the sound of Luca’s swallow echoed around me.

The strong muscles of his throat caught at my legs, and I was swiftly dragged down, but not in an overbearing way. It felt well-practiced, routine. Effortless. I got the sense that Kieran carried some anxiety over the well-being of his clients when he carried them, but I wasn’t getting that sense about Luca. Even if he was initially reluctant to take part, there was a confidence to him, to his body that only came from being entirely sure of his ability.

It was something that I expected to intimidate me when I finally reached his stomach. But as I struggled to orient myself to the familiar-yet-also-not space, it was that sureness that kept my mind from completely spiraling out of control.

There was pressure against me, likely Luca’s hand. “Are you alright, Xana?”

“I- I think so?” I said, and was instantly horrified by the way my voice trembled.

“Kier,” I heard him say, and my heart clenched painfully at the sound. It had only been a few minutes at most, but suddenly that felt way too long. “I get what you’re going for, but I think it’s best that we stop now. I think we’ve proved the point, but keeping this going any longer is pushing it.”

His response was difficult to make out, but he must have agreed, because then Luca was saying, “Okay, I need you to relax for me as best as you can. It’ll be tight, but nothing to worry about. Just give me a tap when you’re ready, and I’ll get you back out.”

I took a few slow, calming breaths before tapping once against his stomach wall. Then his hand shifted so that it was closer to being underneath me, and he began pushing up.

Much like with Kieran, I re-entered his throat, and the muscles quickly coaxed me back up and into his mouth. Two gentle fingers wrapped around me, and then I was in his callused palm, panting and shaking in the chilly air.

“Here, let me-”

Then I was being transferred into a different set of hands, ones that were instantly familiar as Kieran drew me to his chest.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” he said softly. Then his eyes fell on Luca, who looked mildly ill with guilt as he gazed down at me, and his face softened. “I’m sorry for asking that of you, but I promise it will make a difference when it comes down to it. We’ll be back in a little bit.”

And then we were walking, and I lay bonelessly against his fingers. Usually, I was able to regain my bearings relatively quickly, but that was not the case now. The lights were too bright, the sounds too loud, my skin too tight. Everything was too much.

The bathroom door was shut behind us, but Kieran didn’t set me down on the sink like normal. Instead, he kept me close with one hand and turned on the faucet with the other.

“What are you doing?” I muttered weakly. It was a struggle just to form the words.

“Taking care of you,” he said simply, turning off the water once there was a shallow pool filling the sink. He found a washcloth next, setting it beside the soap.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Aren’t you going to make me big again?”

“Not right now. You’re exhausted, and I’m the reason you were put through this in the first place. So try to relax, and I’ll take care of things.”

I didn’t resist when he set me in the water, and I didn’t even have it in me to be embarrassed when I groaned as the soothing heat washed over me. Kieran chuckled above me, and after rubbing some soap into the washcloth, he began gently wiping the saliva off my body.

If I were being honest, a part of me was still mad at him for what had just happened, but there was something so deeply caring about the action that it brought tears to my eyes.

His blue eyes were watching me concernedly, his lips turned down at a corner. “It’s alright if you’re angry with me. I wouldn’t blame you, and I’m sorry for any stress it put you through. I just knew that it would be much harder on both of you if the first time it happens, I’m not here.”

“I know,” I said quietly. “I get it. I really do. It…it was just a lot.”

His hand stilled, and I found myself leaning tiredly against it. There wasn’t another soul on this earth that I would let see me with my guard so low. I didn’t want to think about him leaving. It was enough to make those tears spill over my cheeks.

“Oh, Xana- don’t cry,” he murmured, using his thumb to carefully wipe away some of the offending tears. “I know it’s a lot. But I’ve got you, okay? We’re going to figure this out.”

I laughed weakly, hurriedly wiping the remaining ones away. “Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now.”

Once he was satisfied, he helped me out of the water and carefully dried me off with the hand towel. I was still wet, but at least the familiar, sticky sensation of saliva was gone. To most, that would probably sound like the bare minimum of comfort, but right now, it might as well have been a form of bliss.

Kieran started rummaging through his bag, likely looking for his growth serum, but a look at my tired expression made him pause.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

I slowly shook my head, a bizarre thought making itself known in the back of my mind. I’d never asked for it before, and he would probably think I’d lost it, but-

“I don’t want to be normal-sized yet,” I blurted out, to which Kieran’s eyebrows shot up.

“You…want to stay small?” he echoed, looking truly bewildered.

Yup, I had definitely lost it, but I nodded all the same.

He set his hand palm-up on the countertop, watching me curiously as I crawled onto it. “I’m not going to force you, but can I at least know why?”

I wasn’t entirely sure myself until I felt his other hand come up to cradle me protectively. Even though I wasn’t inside of him, being surrounded by him still felt immeasurably safe.

“It feels like no one can hurt me,” I said, and I cringed at how meek my voice sounded, but my senses all still felt like they were in overdrive. I wasn’t sure if I could handle another trip down someone’s throat, but being like this, both at Kieran’s mercy and complete protection, I felt like I could breathe a little easier.

Kieran still didn’t look like he knew what to make of my request, but he drew me against him anyway.

“If that’s what you want,” he finally said, and I felt his voice vibrate against me through his chest. “Do you want me to go lie down?”

“Please.”

With that, he carried me back to my room and carefully laid down on the bed, and without me saying a word, he set me down on his chest over his heart.

I nestled against the spot, my entire body relaxing against the pulse of his heartbeat. I knew he was still confused. I could see it in the inquisitive way he was looking down at me, but I couldn’t find it in me to care. The buzzing in my brain was finally slowing, my senses gradually feeling less overbearing. It wasn’t the same as when I’m inside of him. Nothing could ever compare to that, but right now, it was giving me what I needed.

He settled his palm over me, almost like a blanket, before saying, “This is definitely a first for me.”

“Do you hate it?”

“No, I don’t hate it. It’s just…different. You’re very fragile like this, you know. When I have you tucked away, I don’t have to worry so much.”

“Maybe I trust you not to break me.”

His lips twitched into a slight smile. “That’s good, but I think it’s best we don’t push our luck with this.”

“That’s fine. Just not yet.”

There was a beat of silence, and then, “I’m sorry, Xana. Honestly. I hate that I did that to you. Are you angry with me?”

“I was at first. You were right, but that was pretty fucked up. But I’m not now.” I shifted beneath his palm, giving me a better view of his face. His blond hair was splayed across the pillow, and he looked even more exhausted than I was. Considering what happened last night, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. “This is probably pretty hard to believe, considering how things were at first, but I actually have a very hard time staying mad at you.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” he said, a gleam of amusement in his eyes. “Although I’m sure you would like to argue otherwise.”

I instantly scowled. “I have been an absolute menace to you, and you have practically been a saint. The feeling should not be mutual.”

“You know, normally when you’re friends with someone, you don’t actively try to convince them that they shouldn’t like you.”

Heat rushed to my cheeks. “Well, I’m over two years out of practice, so unfortunately, what you see is what you get.”

Kieran hummed in thought. “I don’t mind what I see, so I guess you don’t have anything to worry about.”

The heat turned into a blazing inferno, and I hurriedly turned my face away before he could see it. He was referring to my personality. I knew that, but even the tips of my ears felt like they were glowing. But I didn’t have the time, or energy, for that matter, to unpack those feelings. Besides, Kieran was well-off, sort of famous, and attractive, and I was the poor kidnapee he felt responsible for.

Also known as: never happening.

And that was fine.

At this point, I should just be grateful to be alive at all.

Kieran prodded me with a finger. “You okay? You just spaced out really bad.”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine,” I said, and when it came out sounding shrill, I became immensely less grateful.

I could practically feel his disbelieving look burning into me, but thankfully, he didn’t push. “If you say so. But don’t go falling asleep on me now, because I don’t want you staying like this for too long, and I don’t know if I would have the heart to wake you.”

“Don’t go fretting now. I’ll stay awake,” I promised.

Normally, being like this would have knocked me out almost instantly. To say I didn’t want to fall asleep was a blatant lie, but my time with Kieran was shrinking. Even if it was as brief as he described, my whole world was about to be shaken to the core all over again, and I wasn’t ready. So for now, I focused on the feel of his heart beating beneath me, and did everything I could to commit it to memory.