Chapter Text
Destruction laid before the eyes of the mad anthropomorphic pizza, as the warm gust of wind blew against his side in a dramatic way. Seemingly unbothered, even when he was face-to-face with everything he had worked so hard to create, Pizzahead whimsically hummed a tune to himself, as he blew bubbles out of the old-timey pipe that was in between his cheesy lips.
"Eeyup… Shoulda bought that insurance plan when I had the chance. Oh well! No sense in crying over all over the interdimensional gateways I had to the multiverse! Better start by cleaning this mess up!" Pizzahead said cheerfully to himself, before reaching into the back pocket of his blue overalls. Pulling out several powerful artifacts out of his pocket by mistake, including golden gauntlet capable of snapping out half the life within a universe, and as well as a special cup capable of granting whatever magical wish he could want, eventually Pizzahead was able to find what he had been looking for: one comically large broom.
Continuing to whistle to himself, Pizzahead was completely relaxed and feeling good about taking the initiative to clean up the debris left behind by his destroyed "Pizza Tower", and thought that he was doing the environment a favor when he pushed the entirety of his tower's crumbled remains off the cliff slide.
Patting his white-gloved hands together— congratulating himself on another job well done— Pizzahead took out an ordinary zipper from his pocket, and held it up in between his fingertip and thumb as he made his way toward where the center of his tower had once been. Placing the zipper against the grass, Pizzahead zipped open a black void that tore through the fabrics of their reality. Kneeling down, the man stuck his cheesy arm straight into the abyss; blindly feeling around into his pocket dimension, until finally finding what he needed.
"YOINK!!!" Pizzahead screamed out loud with a mentally-unhinged smile spread across his cheesy face, before pulling an unsuspecting looking white to-go box from the recesses of his most secured pocket dimension. Zipping the tear in the universe with a half-hearted toe-kick, Pizzahead was sweating bullets down his cheesy face as his gloved fingers trembled with excitement. "Hehehehe! Finally! I'll be back in business; bigger, better, and-?!"
"-TOTINO!!!" A deep, thunderous voice shouted from the direction of the cliff's decline, toward where all the redwood trees and floral were, over at the edge of the forest.
Immediately recognizing the deep Brooklyn-styled accent, Pizzahead's maddened eyes twitched nervously, while still smiling goofily as he instinctively clenched the white to-go-box in his gloved grasp. "Ah… Ceaser! What are the odds?!" Pizzahead asked aloud with a whimsical giggle, as he immediately spun around while poorly attempting to hide the box behind his back.
Storming his way over toward his bow-tie wearing younger brother, Caesar had his white sleeves rolled up above his elbows as he adjusted the light-blue tie that was dangling down from his collared shirt. Taking an angry drag from his cigarette, the mustached pizza was gritting his pearly whites at his nervous looking sibling; his thick-bushy brows furrowed above his narrowed eyes. "You're making a BIG mistake Totino! Okay?! De "Holy Cannoli" ain't gonna fill dat hole in your heart! Capeesh?!"
Sticking his tongue out past his cheesy lips, Pizzahead blew a raspberry at his older brother, before presenting the white to-go-box in front of the direction where Caesar was coming from. "You think I'm doing this for because I've got some sort of silly-willy bleeding heart, big brother?! Hahaha! I know we're sentient pizzas and all, but there's no need to be THAT cheesy, hehe!" Pizzahead said jokingly, as he slowly lowered his right hand away from the bottom of the box before sliding it into the side pocket of his denim overalls.
Being filled with righteous determination, Caesar knew that there was only one way that their confrontation was going to end, yet that still didn't stop the loving brother from trying to talk down his unhinged sibling. "Gah…! C-Come on, little brudder… Doan make me do dis; we're the "Pizza Bros" fawh cryin' out loud! Deadass here! What's mawh impawhtant than family, huh?! " Caesar cried out in his heavy Brooklyn accent, as tears began to well up in his fiery eyes, while he reached into the side-pocket of his own pair of crimson-red overalls.
Snickering cynically at how emotional his older brother was getting, Pizzahead placed the packaged Holy Cannoli down on the grass behind his shoes, before pulling out a massive seven-foot long pizza sword out of his pocket; it's handle and guard made out of cast iron, while the buster-blade itself was made entirely out of the sharpest crust and deadliest toppings know to pizza-kind. "Hehehe! Oh, wow! I didn't realize we were in a "Fast and Furious" movie! Pfffft! "Family", fuwah…! What a bunch of hoopla," Pizzahead scoffed, while rolling his eyes at how wishy-washy that word sounded to him.
Tensing up as he felt the air from his pepperoni-covered lungs flee from his parted lips, a dark-shadow was casted over Caesar's eyes, as he lowered his face slightly. "… Dis is your last chance, Totino. Doan make me do this, ya' dig?" Caesar pleaded with a heavy heart, as he donned his heavy-duty pizza-cutting chainsaw from his own side-pocket; holding the two-hundred pound weapon up, as he revved its motor to life with just one hardy pull of its pull-string. "Stand down… I won't tell yuh twice."
Enthralled by the call of battle, Pizzahead let out a manic laughter as he raised the pizza-buster out in front of him, with both of his gloved-hands holding its large cast-iron handle with all of his might. "AH HAHAHA, HA!!! Ah, and where would the fun be in that?!" Pizzahead demanded in an unhinged voice, as he slammed his mighty weapon down hard enough on the rocky-ground to create a large fracture that split the cliff in half.
Seeing the cheesy-power of his brother's sword expelling enough force to create a shockwave on its own; Caesar quickly reacted by pulling out a packet of chewing gum from his back pocket. Throwing the entire package into his mouth, Caesar was able to take off into the sky; leaping several hundred feet above the ground-shaking shockwave, just as it traveled into the woods behind him. Seeing the trees being blown to splintered shards, as each and everyone of them caught in the shockwave was derooted before exploding in the air, Caesar spat out his cigarette before looking down at the torn ground, where his brother was standing while pointing a loaded NERF gun up at him.
"So it's like dat den, or what?! FINE!!! CALL ME DE BURGUH KIN', BECAWZE YOU'RE ABOUT TUH HAVE IT YOUR FREAKIN' WAY!!!" Caesar bellowed out in a mighty Brooklyn voice, as he used his reality-warping powers to cut through the air at mach six speed; skillfully parrying each deadly foam-projectile that his younger brother was shooting at him from his plastic gun— each toy bullet having the force of a falling meteorite behind them.
"BURGER KING!?! HAHAHAHA!!! WHO THE HELL STILL EATS AT BURGER KING!?!" Totino screamed back with an amused tone in his voice, as he tossed the NERF gun at his brother's powerful rotating saw blade, before twirling backwards just in time to avoid being sawed in half. "YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS!?! YOUR PROBLEM IS THAT YOU NEVER LEARNED HOW TO TAKE A JOKE, DUMB-DUMB!!!" Pizzahead shouted back insultingly; smiling as he swung his pizza-buster's seven-foot long cheese-covered blade at his older brother.
"NGH, GWAH…!!!" Caesar cried out in his deep voice, as he felt pain shooting up from his arms the moment his pizza-cutter's rotating blade collided with his younger brother's powerful sword. "A-And yuh take EVERYTHING as a joke wise guy— GRRRAHHH!!!" Caesar roared out, as he leaped back toward his brother; parrying Pizzahead's pizza-buster for a second time, before catching his younger sibling off guard by kicking him square in the bow-tie. "… That's why no one's evuh gonna take yuh, or your stoopid freakin' towuh seriously!" Caesar scolded, as he stood over his younger brother, who was laying in the ground with his unhinged eyes staring back up at him.
"HEHEHEH, AH HAHAHA!!! Those are some BIG words, coming from you; "HAS BEEN"!!!" Pizzahead insulted with a wide grin across his sweaty-cheesy face, as he raised his large weapon up just in time to block his older sibling's pizza cutter from reaching him.
Narrowing his eyelids closed, while sparks from his rotating saw-blade collided against the extremely durable ingredients that made up his younger brother's two-handed sword, Ceaser used all of his might to press his automated weapon down against Pizzahead's sturdy buster blade. "Ggghhh…! N-Not now, N-NOT EVER!!!" Caesar cried out with tears pouring down his cheesy-cheeks, from the corners of his angered and heartbroken glare.
Seeing his younger brother's noodle arms beginning to tremble underneath his raw strength, Caesar was fully prepared to carry the weight of having his brother's tomato-sauce blood on his gloved hands, but that's when all of a sudden Pizzahead lifted his hips up to use his big-clown shoes to hold the flat-side of his crusted blade against the rotating saw blade; freeing his hands, and giving him a chance to whip out a fly swatter from his front pocket. "KA-POW!!!" Pizzahead shouted with a hardy laugh following suit, as he whacked Ceaser on the face hard enough to splatter the cheese off of his face.
Grunting in pain, that second of disorientation Ceaser felt was all that his younger brother needed to turn the tide of the battle. Using the might of his powerful legs, Pizzahead kicked upwards against the side of his pizza-buster's blade; causing the rotating saw of his older sibling's automated pizza cutter to fly backwards. Screaming ferally in agony, as the steel-saw of his own weapon began to violently slice through his face and tear open the back of his crust, Caesar attempted to get a hold of his rouge weapon, but was immediately stopped the moment his abdomen was impaled with all seven feet of Pizzahead's custom buster blade.
With half of his face mutilated, and the tomato sauce from his veins pouring out of the intrusive blade that was his body was skewered on, Caesar used his one good eye to look back into the maddened face of his hysterically entertained brother; tears pouring out of his left eye, as his vision began to fade. "Oh… Dis freakin' sucks,'' Caesar uttered out wearily, as he collapsed onto the ground with the pizza-buster sword still impaled inside of him.
After dropping the handle of his newest weapon, Pizzahead took a moment to point and laugh at his fatally wounded brother's expense. Squatting down, Pizzahead extended his arm out to turn off the motor inside of Caesar's pizza cutter, before retracting his cheesy appendage back to his side; smiling smugly, as he basked in his victory. "Oh dear, oh dear… Look what you've gone and done now, big brother; you've forced my hand! Now why did you have to go and do that, hmmm~?" Pizzahead asked sarcastically, as he flicked his older sibling's elongated blue nose, before letting out a sigh as he stood up to begin dusting himself off.
Cut up and bleeding tomato sauce out of his abdomen, Caesar laid on his side while panting heavily; watching with what vision he had left in his one good eye, as his younger brother whimsically began whistling a tone as he strolled back over to where he had left the divine packaged artifact. "T-Totino… D-Doan do it, ya d-dig…?" Caesar pleaded with what breath he could muster; narrowing his eyes from the light that blindly radiating from the white to-go-box that Pizzahead had popped open with ease. "I… I know dere's still good inside of your heart, little brudder; doan fawget… D-Doan fawget about de pizza boy who yuh used to tuh be… De pizza boy day de freakin' children looked up tuh…"
Listening to his older brother's heartfelt words, Pizzahead casually tossed the empty to-go-box off of the side of the cliff, before making his way back over to where Caesar was in the midst of dying; stepping all over the torn terrain with his big ol' brown clown shoes, until he came to a stop within a few feet from his brother's bleeding face. "… Heh… You had the gall to call me idiotic, and yet here you are… Trying to appease a sense of altruism that no longer exists, by bringing up the very thing that started me down this path to begin with… What were you thinking?" Pizzahead asked with a condescending smile on his face, as he looked down at the sorry state his own brother was in.
Letting out a defeat sigh, while finding it increasingly harder to fill his lungs with air to speak, Caesar strained himself as he took in another breath. "What… What are yuh hopin' tuh accomplish, T-Totino…? W… What's wawhth killin' your own brudder fawh…?" The dying pizza asked, after having accepted that his own younger sibling had already made up his mind about going through with his own twisted plan.
Remaining quiet for about a minute— listening to his brother's wheezing breaths grow more quiet with each breath he struggled to take— Pizzahead broke the silence by letting out a cynical and saddened laugh underneath his breath. "… If I told you I just wanted to live a happy life… You'd laugh at me… Wouldn't you?" Pizzahead asked with absolutely no sense of humor or joy in his voice; something that Caesar hadn't experienced from his psychotic brother, ever since their original pizzeria closed down decades ago.
"… No… No I… I wouldn't," Caesar uttered out in a barely audible voice, as he slowly lost consciousness while his younger brother waited with him, until he had let out his final breath.
Holding the glowing cannoli that radiates with golden eternal warmth in his right gloved-hand, Pizzahead rubbed the palm of his left hand slowly against his cheesy face, taking in a deep breath, before slowly exhaling his negative feelings out with one therapeutic exhale. "… Hehehe, heh! Rest in pepperoni, BOZO!!!" Pizzahead chuckled, as he started to feel better after witnessing his older brother's demise. "Okie dokie! The moment has passed; time to get back to work," Pizzahead said out loud in a chipper voice, while beginning to eye the divine pastry that he held in his hand.
"… Now where was I? Oh! That's right! I was about to do THIS!!!" Pizzahead screamed with a maniacal look forming on his already deranged face, as he raised the Holy Cannoli up toward the sky; squeezing some of its ichor-filling out, and summoning a beam of pure light into the cosmos above. Cackling like a madman, Pizzahead was filled with manic excitement as he watched a massive rune formed in the stratosphere; the glowing white rune appearing like a constellation in the shape of a moon with angelic wings, as it began tearing open the fabrics of their reality.
"Hahahaha, ah! Yes… Yes! YES!!! I'VE DONE IT; IT'S FINALLY MINE!!!" Pizzahead shrieked with selfish joy filling his blackened heart, as clouds began to pour out of the massive swirling portal that began to cause an unrelenting rainstorm in the surrounding area. Descending out the fabric of what could only be described as a place that never was meant to exist in any realm of reality, a colossal white castle floated down towards where Pizzahead was standing; seemingly anchored to the Holy Cannoli itself.
All light from above vanished, leaving in its wake a massive and glowing heart-shaped moon that was forming in the thundering clouds behind where the white castle was levitating in the ominous sky. "Hello my new "Pizza Castle"; you'll be my very own slice of heaven… Literally," Pizzahead greeted his new flying establishment with a sense of awe filling his chest, before more of the Holy Cannoli's divine and infinite filling to terraform the destroyed cliff he had been standing on; creating a mountainous and jagged terrain made out of the same stark-white inside material that the castle was made out of, which surrounded the nearly ten-meter tall archway-portal that stood in the center of it all.
Basking in the promise of what awaited him, Pizzahead was snapped out of his triumphant victory the moment he felt something grabbing a hold of his pant leg. Trying to hide his annoyance and rage behind his psychotic smile, Pizzahead turned his entire head one-hundred and eighty degrees backwards, as he looked down at his persistent older brother, who appeared to be defying death for the sake of trying to stop his younger brother. "T-Totino… S-Stop-"
Interrupting his brother's nearly inaudible final attempts of trying to beg him to stop, even when Caesar himself knew it was pointless, Pizzahead knelt down to grab his older brother by the straps of his red overalls; picking him up so that they were face-to-face with one another. "DON'T YOU GET IT, CAESAR!?! "TOTINO" IS NO MORE; IT'S "PIZZAHEAD" NOW!!!" The furious anthropomorphic pizza screamed with every fiber of anger in his manic voice, as he marched his way past the active portal to where the edge of the terraformed cliff was.
"THEY'LL ALL BE AWED, WHEN I BECOME GOD; DROPPING THE FACADE, OF A PIZZA CLOWN!!!" Pizzahead shrieked with hatred in his reddened eyes, as he began to take heavy breaths while holding his older brother over the two-hundred foot drop; a sickening smile forming across his cheesy lips, as the ambitious and vengeful pizza boy slowly calmed down. "… Hahaha, eh haha— ahhh… It's just a shame that you won't be alive to witness me in all of my future glory, big brother," Pizzahead said in an evil and amused voice, as he began to slowly release his grip from Caesar's red overalls; one gloved finger at a time.
"I think you and I've spoken more than enough, big brother… Now… Do me a favor, and stay DEAD this time!" Pizzahead shouted with his eyes becoming intense, before he shoving Caeser's limp body away from him and off of the cliff. Leaning forward with a pair of binoculars raised up to his eyes, Pizzahead made sure to have eyes on Caesar the entire time as fell two-hundred feet down; lowering his binoculars only after witnessing his older brother's body laying still, over the remnants of his old crumbled tower.
"Finally… Hmph! That was actually beginning to get on my nerves!" Pizzahead chuckled to himself, as he whipped out his bubble pipe to begin blowing soapy suds out it to calm himself down. Turning around with his back facing toward the terraformed cliff's edge, Pizzahead went back to humming his favorite classic tune to himself, as he playfully strolled his way through the unnatural white-spirals that grew up towards the floating castle like towering stalagmites; stepping through the majestic archway, and into its the blinding cyan portal that was housing it.
And in the wake of Pizzahead's departure, the ever increasing rain clouds began to expand outward toward the surrounding area; raining down torrents of water down on the surface of the Earth, as the heart-shaped yellow moon behind the floating "Pizza Castle" began to ominously glow brighter.