Archive of Our Own ^beta

Even scientists now in the contemporary age understand that our sun will die one day. First the sun will expand. Its exponential cosmic radiation will cause greenhouse gases on Earth, disrupting the subtle balance of its ecosystems. Then the sun will exhaust itself, explode and die. With the death of the sun comes the death of all organic life on Earth. Luckily, our sun is also a star, and it is the heat of a star that sustains life upon a planet. It was incredibly fortunate that the milky way contains billions of other stars similar to the sun, and it was incredibly fortunate that human beings had been just as eager to explore them.

With the abandonment of the planet came the issue of Hell and its demons, who live deep within the crusts of the Earth. Once the sun expanded, the gravity caused the tectonic plates of Earth to be disrupted, and so the demons of Earth became trapped deep under the crusts. Because of this, the angels of Heaven took a leap of faith and refused to listen to the Metatron—even though they had bad blood between them, the demons were still their brethren, were they not? And so the denizens of Hell were dug out and rescued by the angels. The angels finally rebelled and thought for themselves, and the demons were finally treated as equals.

Together, with the humans, the angels and demons rebuilt their civilisation far away in the other solar systems of the Milky Way. With peace finally established between these two sides, the demon Crowley and the angel Aziraphale were finally free to love one another. They chose to live in the Alpha Centauri solar system (where else?), where they lived on a moon and lived happily together.

Except, there was still some errands to run on Earth. It was the day before the Earth’s sun was scheduled to erupt. Aziraphale and Crowley had flown back onto the barren husk of the Earth to spend one last day on the planet where everything happened at once. The Earth’s surface was absolutely scorching and would have been too much for any mortal. Luckily, Aziraphale and Crowley did not bother the heat as much.

The radiance was a different story. While Crowley was able to persevere since the eyes of snakes were able to filter out ultraviolet light, Aziraphale couldn’t help but squint and shield his face with his arm at the brightness of it all. A pair of glasses were placed onto the bridge of his nose. Aziraphale sighed a breath of relief as the dark lenses blocked out most of the light, allowing him to see where they were.

“You’re lucky I still carry one pair around, Angel,” Crowley said. The demon flushed as Aziraphale gave him a kiss on the cheek. It had been millennia since Crowley had a need to wear sunglasses. Aziraphale remembered quite clearly-- it had been one early morning in their old home in the South Downs when Aziraphale noted just how beautiful Crowley’s eyes were. Since then, Crowley wore his sunglasses less and less, until he did not need to wear them anymore. Such as now.

They were walking above the area that was once called London. The extreme heat caused the concrete of the city to erode into dust, so now they trekked through a barren desert. Still, Aziraphale could sense where they walked across thanks to muscle memory.

“If my memory serves me well, I believe this was once the edges of St. James Park,” Aziraphale fondly reminisced.

“And to think the first ducks the humans sent out into space were from here. Think that they’ll let us keep some of their descendants? Build a small pond in front of our house, let them swim and steal all the bread they want?”

“We could, Crowley dear. It’d be awfully difficult to track those descendants down, but perhaps we can if we ask nicely enough.”

“Why stop at descendants? The humans have a DNA bank of all the first animals. One click and the originals are back to life.” Crowley stroked his chin, then looked at the ground. “Yes. She should be right… here.” He stomped onto a section of ground in front of him and there was a sharp clang. Crowley grinned, then pulled up a handle buried into the sand, revealing a hatch that went into an underground garage.

Centuries had passed since Crowley had driven the Bentley, even before the mass evacuation. People just did not drive cars anymore, they flew them. Frictionless aerial vehicles that used magnets to reach high speeds, with an impossibly smooth finish that had very little air resistance. Those were the vehicles that humans came to use, and Crowley followed suit. The Bentley was still a part of their family, but driving her was simply like racing a penny-farthing against a race car. So the Bentley was put aside for safekeeping. The humans did not let Crowley take the Bentley with them, and so Crowley put her into a garage where she can be safe, even temporarily.

“Look at that. Centuries underground and not a dent on her!” Crowley clicked and the Bentley rose up onto the surface. Its surface shone as if it was new. “Don’t really get that sort of thing in a modern vehicle.” He walked forward and opened the door to the rear end. “After you, Angel.”

“Thank you. My husband.” And it amused Aziraphale greatly to see Crowley so flustered. They had been married for so long, and yet Crowley still reacted as if he was hearing it for the first time.

It was awfully stuffy inside the Bentley, so Crowley turned on the aircon, which worked like a charm. He brushed his palm on the dashboard, wiping away the dust. “Hello again, old girl.”

Crowley did not have long to reminisce old memories, the ground started to rumble. The heat outside seemed to leak into the car, and the two began to sweat.

“Uh oh,” said Crowley. “Aziraphale, was the sun supposed to explode tomorrow or today?”

Aziraphale turned green. “Oh dear.”

“But you’re the time-tracking expert!”

“Time zone conversion is very difficult!”

Crowley stuck out a hand to Aziraphale. “Give me the glasses, Aziraphale.”

“What are you doing?”

“Trust me. It’ll be great.”

And so Aziraphale gave the glasses to Crowley.

“So,” Crowley started as he placed the glasses onto his nose. “You know that debate we had in the 1980s C.E.? About how because the Earth is round, if something zoomed fast enough it can fly off into space? Nevermind gravity?”

“Yes. I remember it quite clearly. That Belgian sherry back then certainly was potent. I suppose one can penetrate the atmosphere like that if determined and fast enough… Crowley-!” Aziraphale gave him a slap to the shoulder. “Are you going to attempt that!”

“No.” Crowley patted the Bentley. “Don’t want to put her through that sort of business. But…” he shrugged, “we drove through a wall of fire sent by Hell and survived. A little gas would be nothing compared to that.” He smirked. “You know, thanks for giving me that idea, Aziraphale, I just might do it.” Crowley pressed the play button on the radio. Aziraphale couldn’t help but gasp when he heard the electric vocals of the singer, Freddie Mercury, echo, a voice he had not heard in thousands of years.

Tonight… I’m gonna let myself have a good time…

I feel alive...

“And you know what the best thing about this experiment is?”

And the world… is turning inside out…

“It’s that I get to do it...” Crowley whipped his glasses off, and Aziraphale saw that his eyes were completely gold, his fangs glowing a pearly sheen. “With style.”

Cause I’m having a good time, having a good time!

Aziraphale yelped as he was pushed against the seat and the Bentley roared to life and sped off.

“Oh dear, some things never change after all.”

Crowley only responded with manic laughter as he stomped onto the gas pedal. The scenery outside blurred into a bar of crimson and brown as the Bentley sped like a rocket. The speed meter was useless-- it had been broken ever since Aziraphale first met Bentley and Crowley had never bothered to fix it.

The Bentley simply sped farther, and farther, and farther, until at last, they pierced out of the Earth’s stratosphere.

When Crowley stopped the car, the Earth was hanging behind them, as large as an orange, floating and turning within a star-bedazzled galaxy. The surface was beginning to crack, and that sun was looking like it could explode at any second. However they were safe, as they were far enough that the sun’s forces would not touch them.

“Poor planet,” Crowley lamented. “Looks an awful lot like Venus now.”

“We’ll miss this planet, dearly.”

Crowley smiled, then clicked. A picnic basket appeared in front of them, complete with a blanket and several utensils. Then he popped open a bottle of a new beverage the humans invented, and poured a glass for him and Aziraphale both. “To humanity,” he toasted.

Aziraphale smiled warmly. “To humanity.”

They clinked their glasses and wined and dined as they watched the scene before them, serenaded by the music of Queen. It was a beautiful yet bittersweet lightshow, where the original homes of the humans finally eroded, the one planet that started it all. They watched for countless hours, until at last, only space rocks remained.

"Come on, dear boy. Let's go home."

And so they did.

The End