Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When it comes to life, there are certain things to expect. Being born, family, friends, and the grueling task of getting a job. And like most jobs, they were often tedious and mind-numbing. Which, to many of the citizens of Hell, was a daily punishment that they all had to suffer through. But sometimes, with the low pay and rise in housing, there were times when sacrifices had to be made.

Even if people really didn’t want to.

Which one imp was unfortunately going to have to do. 

In a small apartment building somewhere in Pentagram City. A small but chunky creature made his way up the many flights of stairs, rubbing his throat to try and ease the sore feeling he was experiencing. A pale pink imp with a peach fuzz mustache on his upper lip struggled up the stairs, despite wearing his comfortable attire of a black t-shirt and red sweatpants. His glasses fogged up as sweat poured from his wild bush of white hair from his grueling trip. As he made his way to the top he moved through several other doors before stopping at his designated apartment number. He reached into his pocket and rumbled with his keys before opening up the door. Not quite a complete shithole but not exactly a nice place to live either, very middle of the road as far as living quarters in Hell goes. 

In the apartment lay a few bits and pieces of decor: a family photo, a few theater posters, and anything related to the imp’s other interests.

“Home sweet home,” He coughed to himself.

The imp tosses the few loose items he has on his person onto the nearby table and pulls a seat for himself as he had a letter in hand. 

“Let's see what we got here today.” 

He opens it and takes a read and can't help but let out an exhausted sigh as he lays his head on the table, letting go of the letter. A notice from his landlord that rent has gone up. 

“Course he had to bump it up today of all days!” 

The imp lifts his head from the table as he takes in a deep breath, taking off his glasses as he rubs his eyes. He takes out his hell phone and opens his emails and is met with dozens upon dozens of rejection emails from local theaters he auditioned to or pitched script ideas. 

He couldn't help but tear up slightly. The weight of today just crashed down on him like a pile of bricks. He covers his face with his hands and some slight muffled sobbing can be heard.

“What… What am I gonna do…?” 

Exhausted, he crawled into bed. He was too tired to think of anything right now. Hopefully he’ll find something to help with his rent troubles. But right now, he just wanted to sleep off this awful day.

He looked absolutely dreadful as he walked down the streets of Pentagram city, holding a small stack of printed resumes in his arms. He had spent all morning preparing himself to look for a second job. He needed it.

“Ok, all you need to do is get another job, you nailed it the first time, a second try can't be that hard right?”

As it turned out…It was that hard.

The imp had applied to various jobs all day, with each interviewer disposing of his resume in various ways. Each giving their own excuses as to why they wouldn't hire him. Though he did almost find one as an employee at a local hotel establishment…. On the condition he wore a maid outfit. The pay in and of itself was not worth that sort of humiliation. 

As the day went on, the depressed imp felt himself being so close to just giving up. Until… he saw a sign in a store’s window. He stared down at the "help wanted" sign in the window of a coffee shop.

Micole's Killer Coffee

He looked down at the last resume in hand with a shaken defeated look on his face. He gave himself a few smacks on his face to help summon up some courage. Not that he had a lot of it. Then before taking a deep breath, he ran his hand through his hair and entered the cafe. 

What he found was…. Quite an odd but standard coffee shop from what he could tell. The walls were dark purple with black deadwood wooden floors. With plenty of chairs and tables. Most of them wooden, but there were some comfier-looking loveseats next to a fireplace. Paintings, drawings, and posters decorated the walls. Some were more…. Gothic while others were just simple scenery paintings.

The place was busy with tons of people ordering, standing in line, or relaxing in the cafe. He noticed an imp girl skating around waiting on customers and… Working the register? At the same time? Was it safe for her to be wearing rollerblades in a cafe?

Either way, if this cafe didn’t mind hiring imps, then this had to be his best chance…. Right? So the imp made his way up to the counter. 

Though he had to get through a very long line first. He nervously clutches onto his last resume as he is very intimidated by the various hellborns and sinners that are several feet taller than him. Different thoughts rushed through his head as his nerves started to get the best of him. Dozens of failed attempts today just amplified his anxiety as the line got shorter and shorter, and he got closer and closer to the register. He finally made it after what felt like hours of waiting when in reality it's only been but a few minutes. With the register currently unintended, a shaky hand reached out for the little bell and tapped it once, before taking a deep breath and waiting for whoever might attend to the register. 

In what seemed like a blink of an eye, the imp girl was behind the counter. Now that she was up closer, he could see that she had some… Striking features.

One was that half of her face had white scarring across it. The other was that her left horn was broken and… she was a Lust-Imp. He could see one of her wings… no. 

Wing.

She only had one.

And… Weird brown hair that was pulled into a ponytail. …How did she get that shade of brown? Special hair dye? Not the time.

And like all Lust-Imps… She was attractive…. As most Lustians were known for. Though she was wearing a purple sweater that… didn’t show any skin? Huh, that was weird. 

“Welcome to Micole’s Killer Coffee,” She greeted. “I’m Micole. What can I get for you?”

Leo couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that statement, if he didn't know any better she might have just implied that she owned the place, but maybe it was just his hearing messing with him. Her name had to be Nicole and not Micole. 

“Hi-” He flinched at his voice cracking. Fuck. He quickly cleared his throat. “Uh hi! U-um… I'm Leo a-a-and I-I’m here for the job opening. The sign said help wanted so uh…. H-here I am?”

He gave a nervous chuckle. He hoped that he hadn't already made a bad impression.

“Oh… that.” She waved him over to the side. “Stand over there if you ain’t ordering anything.”

Leo shuffled over to the side as she tended to the other customers. He looks around the cafe and starts to notice that other than the female imp…. There weren't exactly many - if any - other workers around the cafe. 

Oh, don't tell me it's someone from Greed…. 

“So, what skills do you have?” The imp girl asked as she took customers' orders and fixed their coffees. “How quick are you on your feet?”

Leo was caught off guard by the series of questions, an interview here of all places? He would have expected to be taken to the back or at least where the boss's office was located. 

“U-um, sorry but…. I thought it would be your boss to be the o-one to give me the i-interview?”

He jumped when he heard the snap of her neck as she turned to glare at him.

“I AM the boss. This is MY Cafe. Did you not hear me when I introduced myself? Or did your eye doctor fuck up your glasses so bad you couldn’t see my name on the damn window?”

Leo's eyes widen a bit as all this information is laid out to him, as he quickly realizes that yes…. This is indeed the OWNER of the cafe. Oh fuck. This was Micole!

“O-oh! S-sorry! I-i might have just misheard you as all, uh sorry for the misconception I just never really seen a-”

“An imp run their own business? Yea, heard it all.” She hands a customer their coffee. “Here’s your mochaccino with five shots of peppermint, three shots of caramel with two pumps of sweetener, and chocolate drizzle.” She then turns to Leo as she takes another customer’s order. “You were saying?”

“O-oh right sorry! Uh, well here's my resume first of all.” 

He gave another nervous chuckle as he handed her his resume. It was a bit wrinkled up due to him gripping it so tightly, though it's still readable. The one-winged imp used her tail to hold the paper to her face as she continued to fix coffees and run the register. After a quick glance, she handed it back.

“You're hired.”

Leo can't help but stand there in complete silence as he slowly took in what he just heard. 

“Wait… what!? Just like that?! B-but I thought we had an interview to do?” 

Micole motioned to the many customers in her building.

“Do you not see how busy it is today?! I literally don’t have time for an interview, dumbass!”

Just as she said that, an angry customer stormed up to the counter. 

“Hey, bitch! This is the third time you fucked my order! I said a Vanilla decaf latte with .03 ounces of-!”

They didn't get to finish as she went and stabbed their hand with a knife. The customer shrieked in pain as they made a vain attempt to free their injured appendage.

“And I TOLD you that I don't serve that decaf shit!! Read my fucking sign!!”

She points to a sign reading: If you have a complicated order and you complain by the third attempt, it's not the employee's or the owner's fault for your picky-ass taste buds. No, we did not get your order wrong. Shitty attitudes result in getting stabbed after the third complaint. 

With a second sign next to it saying: We don't serve that decaf-shit! 

Leo only looked on in silent horror as the customer screams in pain again as she pulled her knife away. The customer instantly pulled their hand close to their chest, retreating from the countertop. Leo was struggling to process what he just witnessed.

“Crazy fucking bitch! I'm leaving a one-star review!”

“Like I give a shit! Not my fault you didn't learn how to read, you brain-dead sack of shit!” She yelled back as she flipped them off. Once the customer was out of sight she turned back to the other imp. “Now as I was saying. We’re not doing an interview, you’re the first demon to come in for the position in weeks and frankly, I’ll take in anyone at this point. Now put on an apron and get your ass back here so I can show you the ropes!”

Every instinct told Leo to leave. To run as far from this crazy demon as fast as possible. But the near endless stream of application rejections coupled with the threat of eviction hanging over his head made him realize that simply wasn’t an option.

Like it or not this was the first opportunity he had gotten in a while and he couldn’t afford to be picky.

“O-ok, so um…. W-when does my shift start? O-oh by the way I'm only free on weekends, if that helps. O-or is that gonna be a problem? Because if it is i-i can try and make a compromise with my other job and- “

Leo continues on as he keeps bringing up what ifs and nervous responses, which at this point had just spiraled into him nervously muttering and stuttering. 

“I open every day at 5am and close at 10pm. Only because I need to… "sleep and relax" and all that other bullshit. Like Friday-Sunday or just Saturday and Sunday? Either way, you're my only employee so… 20 souls an hour good?” 

Leo's eyes widened a bit at that statement. 20 souls an hour? That was a hell of a lot more than what he earned at his main job. But he needed to stay professional, he could tell he was slightly on her bad side already and didn't want to piss her off any further. 

“Y-yeah I can work with that!” 

“Great! Your first shift starts now, you can find an apron in the back.” 

“H-huh!? Shouldn't I go through some training first?”

Leo took another look around the cafe and couldn't help but gulp as he gazed at all the demons that needed serving. 

“Again, THERE IS NO TIME! You can learn as you go.” 

In both "quick thinking" and panic Leo cut himself off from asking another question and made his way behind the counter. The female imp was quick to toss him an apron. She continued to serve, and fix coffee as she was instructing him what to do. 

“Register is pretty simple, it’s all electronic. I used to have an old-fashioned one, but it broke shortly after I opened. Piece of shit plastic. Anyway, I’ll get you in the system when we close. You run the register while I fix drinks. Don’t really have the time to teach you all the orders.” 

Leo couldn't help but feel slightly overwhelmed by being tossed out into the deep end with next to no instruction. But this was the only shot he had today, so he might as well suck it up and push forward. 

“Y-yeah, I can figure it out myself, don't worry.” 

“It’s just a lot of buttons. They’re marked. Lattes, Mochaccinos, frappes…. Milk, cream, pumps of sugar… all that kind of stuff.” 

“G-gotcha!”

He gives Micole a shaky thumbs up, but his face obviously gives away that he is not ready in the slightest! If she noticed, she didn’t bother to comment on it. Instead, the Cafe owner just gave a nod as she skated over to her machines, quickly getting to work on the customers’ orders. Leo turned to face the front as he was confronted by the large line, and an impatient-looking demon had their arms crossed with a very frustrated look on their face. Leo just put on a smile, taking in a deep breath. 

“H-hello, what can I do you for t-today?”

“Ugh, fucking finally, I swear your service here is as slow as old people fucking!” 

Leo couldn't help but tense up due to the demon's aggression, but he's handled worse before. 

“S-sorry for the wait, promise i-it won't happen again. Anyways, w-what can I get you?”

“I'll have a-” Leo’s mind completely blanked at how complicated the order was. All he heard was white noise. He felt like his ears were ringing. “Ya got any of that?”

No, he didn’t.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuh…. y-yeah! Let me get that for you real quick!”

As Leo punched the order in, he then realized something….. He knew next to nothing about making coffee let alone whatever the hell kind of drink the customer just ordered. And with Micole tending to other customers he didn't really have the help he needed, didn't help that the customer upfront seemed really annoyed with him so…. What other choice does he have other than to fix up the drink himself?

“H-how hard can it be?” He asked himself. “I-It’s just coffee…”

While the coffee machine was pretty standard looking, Leo couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at the fact that it had a few….Accessories attached to it. Or at least he thought they were accessories, it felt like those eyes kept looking at him funny. Weirdly realistic eyes aside, Leo decided that since he had no clue what he was doing and the owner didn’t seem to want to take the time to teach him, the best course of action would be to simply push random buttons and twist random levers and hope for the best.

After doing so he did end up with….. Something drinkable….. Hopefully…… Oh, what did he expect? It was probably awful! He couldn't serve this. 

But what else could he do? Micole was busy, the customers were getting angry….. he just had to hope for the best! He nervously made his way over, giving a nervous smile. 

“H-Here you go sir…” 

The customer swiped the drink from Leo's hand before throwing him a couple of souls, stomping their way out of the cafe grumbling. He collects the scattered souls and puts them in the register.

Phew… Well, that went well.

He turned to the next customer to see a… Gator sinner and a… Armadillo(?) Sinner and they were arguing. Oh dear… And they were covered in soot and… Was the gator on fire!?

“Look, I’m just saying if I had a little more barbeque sauce-” The gator began, while adjusting his spectacles and dusting off some soot from his jacket. He wore a black pinstripe suit with black dress shoes to match. Depending on who looked at it, it was either refined or tacky no inbetween. What could be agreed upon was that the reptile who wore it, believed he was pure class. As his gangly frame continued to strut with confidence, as his four red eyes gave a sly look towards his companion.

“How many times do I have to tell you, that’s not how it works!” The armadillo snarked back, then licked his fingers and put out the fire on his friend’s tail. Unlike his sharply dressed companion, the armadillo later clarified to be a pangolin wore a vibrant blue hoodie with sweatpants to match. As he polished his ashy glasses, he walked with a small posture that contrasted his bulky armored frame. A look of exasperation wore into a mouthless face.

“Sure it is! I admit, the mixture was a little off but I’m sure I’ll nail it next time!”

“No! No next time! You are NEVER doing that again!!!” 

The gator snorted.

“I’d like to see you try and stop me.” 

“STEPHEN I SWEAR TO GOD!” 

“Alright, alright. I won’t.” The gator sinner, now recognized as Stephen, told his friend. “Keep your hoodie on, sheesh.”

The Armadillo sinner relaxed at that.

“Thank you. Sorry about that M, can we just get our usu-” He stopped noticing Leo. “Wait you’re not- who are you?”

“I’m Leo, I just started working here today.”

Stephen immediately brightens up with a mischievous look and approaches the countertop

“Well, well, well! Looks like Mimi finally got herself a new employee after all this time!”

Leo stared as his brain tried to comprehend what he was saying. Those sharp teeth were making him a bit… anxious.

Mimi…?  

“You… mean Micole?”

“Yea! I’m Stephen, and this here is my best buddy Paint! We’re regulars! Micole gives us a little friends and family discount for being such loyal customers.” The reptile sinner struck a pose with Paint, a hoodie clad pangolin sinner who gave a polite wave.

Leo couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that statement. He's been around the block for nearly all his life, so he's gotten pretty good at telling when someone is lying through their teeth. 

“Really now?”

“Of course! She probably hasn’t had time to mention it because of how busy it is in here, but I’ll fill you in on the deta- OOP!”

Stephen ducks down, barely avoiding the knife flying towards his head which proceeds to embed itself in the wall behind him with a loud thunk.

“NO! NO DISCOUNTS!” Micole shouted. “DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO PULL A FAST ONE, YOU LYING FUCK! LEO, DON’T BELIEVE SHIT THAT COMES FROM HIS ELONGATED FAT SNOUT!!” 

Stephen shrugged, chuckling.

“Hey, can’t fault a guy for trying right? Your aim is really getting good by the way, felt the wind coming off that one!”

“Thanks, I’ve been practicing back home. But seriously, don’t think you can try and con your way into more free drinks just because I’ve got a new employee on staff; I will gut you on the spot.”

“I love you too Mimi!” 

Leo looked back and forth between the two with utter bewilderment. His boss had just tried to kill one of her regulars because he asked for a discount and he’s laughing it off like this is some sort of inside joke between them.

.....Think I might be starting to regret this already….

A tap on the countertop roused him back to reality and Leo saw that the armored sinner was trying to address him.

“Hello? Leo? You okay?”

“Are… Are they always like this?” 

“No, they’re actually calmer than usual today.”

Leo blinked in surprise.

“You’re kidding me…”

“Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Anyways, think you can take our orders? After the day we’ve had I could REALLY use something sweet.”

“Oh, right. Sure. What can I get you?”

“Just a hot chocolate with caramel drizzle and a brownie for me, and a black espresso for my friend Stephen.”

Said gator popped his head onto his friend’s head. Looking like an overgrown child as he clung to him.

“What about my croissant?”

Paint frowned as he looked up at him.

“You lost your croissant privileges when you blew up that shoe store!”

Stephen looked like a kicked puppy at the news.

“Awwww….” 

“S-sure I’ll get your orders right away.” 

Leo started with the easy part, which was getting Paint's brownie. After that he made his way to the machine again, this time being a lot less stressful for him since their orders seemed simple enough…. He just hoped he didn't screw up. With the orders completed Leo handed both sinners their respective orders.

“H-here you go! Hope I made it like the boss does.” He nervously chuckled.

“I’m sure it’ll be-” 

“GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY CAFE!!!”

They all turned to see Micole glaring at a Vinegaroon Sinner. She had her knife (how did she get it back so quickly when it was last embedded in the wall behind Leo….????) pointed at their throat. 

“I’m here to… sweeten my deal for you.” 

“There is no deal!” She snarled at the bug sinner. “I told you, I ain’t selling! Now get the fuck out of my building!!”

Vinegaroon Sinner scoffed. 

“Oh please, this little building is… A lot for a little imp like you to handle.”

Micole’s eye started twitching.

“What the fuck did you say…?”

“I’m just saying, I know imps of…” He looked her up and down. “Your ring. And this is not a place that you should be dealing with. I mean… I’m sure you’d rather be in a more… sexual workplace?”

Hearing those words, Stephen and Paint shared a look…. Then the latter of the two quickly dashed over as the smaller demon lunged at the arachnid. He was able to hold her back as she kept trying to land a hit on the demon that offended her.

“Micole no! He’s not worth it! HE’S NOT WORTH IT!”

The female imp continued to try and escape her friend’s grasp.

“LET ME GO! I’M ONLY GONNA MAIM HIM A LITTLE!”

Stephen was leaning against the counter, looking amused.

“C’mon Paint, let the lady get her stab on! She’s been good all week, she deserves it!”

“YOU’RE NOT HELPING!!” The pangolin sinner snapped at the gator.

“SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN, VINNY!!!” Micole continued to snarl at the offended sinner that dared threaten her. “I’LL MAKE A NICE FILLET OUT OF YOUR UGLY ASS FACE!!!” 

Vinny just rolled his eyes.

“Feisty as always I see! Fine then, keep your rat trap cafe. We both know it won’t be around for much longer anyways. Just remember, when you and your little furballs are out on the street, I was willing to give you more than a generous deal for this locale.” He turned to leave the store, before stopping and glancing back. “Though from your… looks. I think you better stick with those that have Acrotomophilia…”

The Lust-imp’s eyes widened at the word, then gave a screech as she tried to stab the fleeing insect.

“GET BACK HERE YOU FAKE ASS SCORPIAN POSER!!! HOW ABOUT I HELP YOU MAKE YOU ONE OF US, HUH????”

“M-Micole stop!!! Y-You’re just feeding i-into his…” Paint grunts as he did his best to hold her back. “His mind-games!!”

Leo watched the scene warily, turning to Stephen.

“Who…was that?”

Stephen waved him off.

“Oh just some fancy schmuck that’s been trying to buy Terra from Micole after learning he lost the bid to her.”

“ ….Who’s Terra?”

“That’s what Mimi calls the building. Terra.” 

Leo remembered all of the googly eyes on the coffee equipment.

“Did she name the coffee machine too?”

“You mean Joe Java?”

What the fuck?

“Oh dear Satan…”

His new boss was insane, wasn't she!? He didn't know how he was going to handle this! His current boss at his main job was one thing, but this!? He turned his focus onto handling other customers. 

“What… What did that guy want…with the store?” 

Leo glanced at the gator as he attends to the customers' orders, with a mix of various results from kinda decent to just absolutely undrinkable. The customers didn't seem to notice though.

“Eh, he’s the owner of some big coffee chain; Vinebucks, or some crap like that. Cookie cutter atmosphere, cheap coffee, and one on every goddamn block. Word is he was considering Terra for the prime location of his next store but Micole managed to scrape together enough money to snatch it up before he could.” The lean reptile sighed. “Bastard never let it go. Can’t say I blame him though, the amount of foot traffic this place gets is insane! Hope you’re ready for the midday rush!” 

Leo blinked at him.

“The what?”

“Oh look! Here it comes now!"

He points over to where several dozen customers started walking in through the door all at once.

Leo’s face paled at the sight of them. Stephen patted his shoulder.

“Lots of luck, my friend!”

Leo gulped as he struggled to keep up with the rush. With him busy, Stephen slides into his seat where Paint is waiting for him. He takes a sip of his coffee.

“So what do you think of the new guy? Is he a square or is he cool?”

Paint shrugged.

“Hard to say, I didn’t get a good read of him before Micole snapped like that.”

Stephen grinned.

“Maybe we could invite him to our little get-together tomorrow! Make him feel welcome and get to know him a little better.”

“Sounds like a good idea to me. I just hope he’s a hard worker, Micole could really use the extra set of…” But the pangolin zoned out as he noticed something outside of the window.

“The extra set of what?”

Paint pointed behind him. 

“Stephen, look out the window.”

Stephen did so. His eyes widened when he saw that a Vinebucks is now sitting across the street with a sign marked ‘ Grand Opening!! ’ sitting in the front window. There’s already a line of desperate customers out front.

“Oh my fucking god.”

“No wonder he’s been getting so bold lately!” Paint gulped. “H-he managed to get a foothold in Micole’s territory!”

“This won’t stand!” The con-man shouted, quickly chugging his coffee. “C’mon Paint, we got work to do!” 

Paint blinked as he watched his friend storm out. He quickly followed him.

“Wha- Stephen! C’mon! I know this looks bad but I’m sure Micole’s quality coffee, cozy atmosphere, and good customer ser- actually no, all she has is good coffee and atmosphere. But I’m sure that’ll be enough to compete with Vinebucks!”

“Paint, I’ve seen a dozen cafes with great coffee and atmosphere get run into the ground the second that damn chain moved in. I’m not gonna let that happen to Micole’s place, she actually tolerates me here! Now are you gonna help me or are you gonna sit on the sidelines and let our friend’s dream go down in flames?”

The smaller demon stood there before sighing in defeat.

“Fine… but only because somebody has to bail you out when things go off the rails. What’s the plan?”

Stephen smirked.

“Well first we’ll need an accomplice and I know just the man for the job!” 

Over at a bakery, Stephen and Paint were now talking to a different imp. Darby, another friend of theirs. He had just finished delivering Micole’s baked goods for the week, when the two had followed him back to his store. At just over 5 feet he was tall for an imp. He wore a tan apron with the name of his bakery embroidered on the chest and a similarly colored bandana to keep his snow white hair out of his eyes. Besides that he had on an emerald colored shirt with a warm brown hoodie tied around his waist, thoroughly well worn jeans and a sturdy pair of boots. His demeanor was as comforting as the baked goods he made with a sleepy eyed look on a charming face. A bit scuffed up with white scars but what imp wasn’t, as he moseyed from the back of the counter towards the two sinners.

Darby takes notice of the slightly singed sinners. A mildly bemused look on his face.

“So boys, what can I do for you? I get the feeling you're not here for my red velvet cake.”

“While I’d normally be slamming that shit into my face like a weapon, we don’t have the time.” The gator grabbed a hold of the stocky imp’s shirt. “OUR VERY WAY OF LIFE IS AT STAKE HERE, DARBY!” 

Darby turns to Paint.

“Translation?”

Paint sighed as he readjusted his glasses.

“A Vinebucks recently opened up across the street from Micole’s cafe and Stephen is worried it’s gonna put Micole out of business.”

“And I’m guessing you need my help to shut the place down before that happens?”

Stephen grinned as he released his friend’s shirt.

“Exactly! Please, Darby! Micole needs us now more than ever!”

Darby seemed to think it over, then shrugged.

“….eh, sure why not?”

Paint raised a brow.

“Wait really? Just like that?”

The baker imp stepped out from around the counter. He took off his apron and hung it up, as well as his bandana.

“It’s a slow day and I’ve already finished up my daily deliveries, I’m sure Debbie can hold down the shop for a few hours.” He turned his head towards the back room of the shop. “Hey Debs! I’m going out for a bit with Paint and Stephen! You’re in charge until I get back!”

“Try not to get yourselves blown up again!” Debbie responded.

“No promises!” He turns back towards Paint and Stephen. “Just to be clear, are there gonna be explosives involved in this plan of yours?”

Stephen shook his head.

“No, that's plan B. Plan A is way more subtle and elegant!”

Paint gave his best friend a skeptical look.

“What IS your plan, exactly? You refused to fill me in on the way over here.”

“Simple, the ancient art of Sabotage!” 

Stephen proclaimed loudly to his friends waiting for their applause at his brilliant idea. Sadly only crickets and silence came. A cursory glance solved his confusion for Paint at least, Darby had only a soft smile and relaxed gaze like usual. A hard fella to read that one was. But by the anxious fidgeting of his hands and the curling of his armored tail, Paint wasn’t for it.

“I don’t know Stephen, aren't we like cheating?” 

The gator chuckled to himself, it wouldn’t be Paint if he didn’t need some upselling. Luckily upselling was one of his many talents! Slinging his arm around his best friend’s shoulder, Stephen set up his sale pitch just like his uncle taught him

“Paint, these major corporations are one of if not the biggest cheaters around!”

“Really?”

“Yup! These lying scumbags businesses often do awful things like overcharge their customers for shit products, steal their workers’ wages, and drive our local businesses like our dear Mimi’s Cafe out of business.”

Paint gasped as his hands covered his mouth in shock.

“That’s awful!” 

Stephen nodded as he continued.

“And the worst thing about it is that they're rich enough to get away with it. Because that’s Hell baby! One thing my uncle told me is that you’re either the sucker or the one that gets sucked.”

Paint cringe in disgust.

“Ew!”

“Right, a different metaphor is needed. In hell, you’re either chum or the shark. And are you willing to let Micole be shark bait?”

“NO!”

“That’s right, because you’re a good friend, now you are ready to sabotage this place!”

“YEAH FOR MICOLE!”

Stephen grinned as he pointed up at the sky.

“FOR MICOLE!”

The duo dance around locked shoulder to shoulder in righteous vigor for their cause.

Siiiiiip

The two are snapped back to reality as they see Darby drinking his coffee.

“So Darby…”

“I’m in.”

Stephen cheered, pulling them close.

“ALRIGHT BOYS, HERE’S PLAN B- I MEAN PLAN A!” 

As Stephen was talking, a crude crayon drawing a la Spring Broken was depicted.

“We sneak Paint in undercover as an employee at the new Vinebucks. He feeds us info on all the inner workings of that shithole and any weak points we can take advantage of while giving some of the worst customer services in the history of hell!”

A blue outline of said pangolin was shown in a Vinebucks uniform. He was passing notes to the green-outlined Stephen drawing and an orange-outlined Darby drawing.

“Once he’s in a proper position, he’ll help me and Darby to sneak in and contaminate all the goods. Darby, you’re on their crappy muffins and cookies. I’ll handle the coffee machine.”

Doodle-Paint was shown opening the back door, allowing Doodle-Stephen and Doodle-Darby in the store. The two started to mess with the food and equipment. It then showed Doodle-Paint with a speech bubble filled with censored symbols aimed at customers, then all the doodle-customers storming out of the store, causing the Doodle-Vinegaroon putting a “For Sale” sign up, then the Doodle-Caffiends celebrating.

“Between Paint telling the customers to go fuck themselves and all the crap we’d be sneaking into their product, the Vinebucks should go belly up by the end of the day. That asshat who’s in charge pulls out of the area, Micole’s cafe is saved, and everything will be hunky dory! Any questions?” 

Paint frowned as he looked over Stephen’s crude drawings. 

“Yeah, how do you know they’d even be willing to hire me?” 

“It’s a corporate chain, Paint. They’ll hire any poor sap who walks through the door. You’ll be fine!”

“Okay, so your pay is five souls an hour, you get one five-minute break every eight hours, the employee discount takes one percent off all Vinebucks products, and your pay is docked if you don’t sign up a dozen customers for our rewards program every single day: buy twenty coffees and you get a free sticker. Any questions?” The burnt-out Baphomet demon droned on.

“Yeah, I-” Paint began.

“Great.” the goat demon said, clearly ignoring Paint’s words. “Let's get you on a register so you can start dealing with the shitty customers that come through here.”

Paint looked down at their uniform, the cheap material of the dark green apron chafing against their skin with holes and stains galore splattered across the surface. The same being said of the worn-out visor sitting crookedly on his head; the rotten cherry on top of this garbage heap of an outfit was the name tag with Paint’s name somehow misspelled on it: who names their kid Qolmp?!

But terrible corporate fashion aside, Paint was blown away by how easily he got the job. The pangolin sinner had gone in, walked straight up to the counter, and asked if there were any openings. The manager just threw him an apron and said he could start his first shift now. He barely even looked at Paint when doing so!

“….He wasn’t kidding that they would hire any poor sap.” 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing!” 

“Well as I was saying, welcome to the Vinebucks family or whatever. Any more questions before you get started?” 

“Um, is that guy still alive?” He points to what is very clearly a corpse manning the countertop wearing a similar uniform. 

Vinebucks manager shrugged.

“I dunno, maybe. We’ll have to wait until after hours to check, company policy; til’ then you’re gonna have to make do with what you have newbie. “ 

Paint sighed and looked out at the storefront where Darby and Stephen were observing him, the latter of the two was giving him a smile and a thumbs up.

Okay, I just have to be the worst employee ever. How hard can that be?

A tired and depressed-looking customer entered the store.

“Well, that's my cue to leave,” The manager told the pangolin Sinner. “Let's see how you do, rookie.”

“Uh, shouldn't we go over training first?

“You work at the cash register…. What kind of fucking training do you need, press the buttons and make do, simple as that.” 

Outside Darby and Stephen were sitting outside in the back of the store. Peeking through the window. The imp then spoke up when a thought came to him.

“... Hey Step.”

“Yes Darby?” 

“I think I might've noticed a flaw in your plan here.” 

Stephen waved him off.

“Unlikely, but please go on.”

“Well, part of your plan involves Paint, the nicest person any of us knows, being rude and unpleasant to customers. That seems a bit out of his wheelhouse.” 

“Please, you think I don’t know that Paint’s a total softie? That’s why I gave him a list of insults to use and creative ways to mess up orders along with a bit of coaching on the way over on how to be an annoying jerk.” 

“I suppose you are an expert at that sort of thing.” 

“Damn right I am!” The gator replied proudly, missing the jab that Darby threw at him. “Besides, even if he can’t pull it off, we’ll still be able to sneak in and mess up all the baked goods and coffee. All we have to do is wait for the right opportunity!”

“Sounds good to me.” 

“By the way, did you hear that Micole brought on a new employee to the cafe?”

The baker imp nodded.

“Micole told me about him when I was dropping off her daily order. I didn't get a good look at him through the midday rush though. Think he’s okay?”

Stephen shrugged

“Eh, I’m sure he’s fine!”

Leo was not doing fine. 

He was pretty far from fine. 

He had made it through- no, he had SURVIVED only an hour of the midday rush and already felt like he was gonna collapse at any moment. Leo was moving left to right writing orders down and punching them in, while at the same time doing his best to try and not fuck up as many orders as possible. 

“I'll be right with you sir! Sorry, what was that again? Uh in a minute, I'll get right back to you!” 

He was getting bombarded with so many customers that he felt like he was being sandwiched between all of them!

Oh dear Satan, when will it end!?!?

“WHAT THE HEAVEN IS GOING ON HERE?!”

Micole had arrived from the back of newly freshly baked goods to see her customers clamoring around her new employee. With her appearance, all the customers started to turn to her, complaining about various things. From the slowness of the orders, of how Leo was giving them wrong orders, to many other minor inconveniences. 

“Hey! Hey! EVERYONE SHUT UP!!!!” Once everyone had quieted down, she sharply turned to Leo. “I thought I told you to ONLY do the register!?”

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry. I just… I just saw h-h-how busy you were and w-w-wanted to… to lessen the burden…”

The Lust-imp face palmed at his response.

“I told you to stay on the register because I knew how busy it was going to be! That’s why I didn’t want you fixing the coffee because it can be complicated!”

“B-b-but there were just so many people lining up a-a-a-and I didn't want them a-all getting held up-!”  Leo stammered.

“Then you tell them that there are only TWO of us and we’re doin’ the best we fucking can!” Micole shouted.

Leo gulped. “I-I-I wanted t-to but t-there was just so many and I-I didn't want to cause a scene-”

“Uhg! I’m gonna have to teach you how to grow a backbone, aren’t I?” The cafe owner said, pinching the space between her eyes.

She turned to a black and purple radio with a pair of googly eyes with eyelashes. 

“Melody! Help me out here!” 

Out of nowhere, a candle fell over, hitting the knob of the radio. It started to play a melody from a very particular play… One that Leo was very familiar with.

The Pirates of Penzance.

She turned to Leo.

“Listen up, newbie.” She motions to herself as she started to sing. “ ~I am the very cardinal of a Caffeinated Culinary Confectiona~”

She skates over to drums on the large tubs on the marked coffee beans.

“~I've information on Arabica, Robusta, and Liberica~”

She motioned to the photos of an event that judged coffee and her interacting with them. After, she held up a book.

“~ I know the Coffee Champions, and I quote the beans historical ~”

She then pulls down a chart of Hell, pointing at said towns with a pointing staff.

“~ From Dreamsville to Pentagram, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters of dramatical ~”

She rolls over to the coffee machines, fixing the multiple orders of the customers. 

“~I understand the ratios, both the simple and latical~”

She brews a mochaccino and hands it to him.

“~ About mochaccino, I am teeming with a lot o' news ~”

She then expertly slid all the cold brew orders down her shoulder and arm, all of them landing in front of each correct customer.

“~With many cheerful facts about the wondrous of cold brew !~”

As Micole sings, she starts dancing on her feet, until jumping on top of the counter and walking along it all while her legs beat to the rhythm of the song. Leo looks scared and confused out of his mind. He does NOT understand what's going on.

It doesn't get any better when Customers all put their hands on each other's shoulders and start singing like a pirate crew.

“~ With many cheerful facts about the wondrous of cold brew!

With many cheerful facts about the wondrous of cold brew!

With many cheerful facts about the wondrous of cold brew! ~”

Leo starts to slooooooowly backpedal out of the room until he hits something with his back. He turns around and sees Joe Java that somehow got from the counter and onto the floor to block his way. Questions on how or why it happened and whether or not the coffee machine is alive can't even start to process due to his anxieties hitting an all-time high, making him whimper.

“~ I'm very good at integral and differential frappuccino~”

She fixed multiple different frappuccinos, passing them out to the customers.

“~I know the scientific names of beings of leche, sans the lingo.~”

She then juggles the cartons of almond, soy, and regular milk.

“~In short, in matters of almond, soy, and especially dairy

I am the very cardinal of a caffeinated confectionist of culinary ~”

“ ~In short, in matters of almond, soy, and especially dairy

She is the very cardinal of a caffeinated confectionist of culinary~” 

Everyone is dancing now, the entire café shaking from the neverending jumping of customers who keep up with Micole. The female imp was now putting on a pirate’s hat.

No.

Leo DOESN'T know where she got it.

“ ~I know our mythic history, Goatherder Kaldi, our glorious doc

She motions to an artwork of a goat Sinner.

“~ He plays hard acrostics, I'm pretty sure he now has dreadlocks ~”

She shows Leo the current picture that she has of said Kaldi, with his hair in dreadlocks and playing a guitar.

“~I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of caffeinated atrocities

In conics I can floor peculiarities monstrosities.~”

She suddenly stabs a newspaper article of a story about something a person did while brewing coffee, which caused Leo to jump. She then spun over to the coffee maker as she continued to fix other customers' orders. 

~I can tell undoubted the Con panna, Skinny and Pour-Over

I know the croaking chorus from the French Press spillover!

Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense steam galore!~” 

“ ~And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense steam galore!

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense steam galore!

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense steam ga-galore!~”

At this point, everyone, including Micole, has their own cup of coffee they drink between verses.

Leo has no idea where they got it from but he's too afraid to ask.

“~ Then I can fix a Breve to a Baltimore in a storm

And tell you ev'ry detail of this remarkable mocha form

In short, in matters Arabica, Robusta and Liberica

I am the very cardinal of a caffeinated culinary confectiona! ~”

“ ~In short, in matters Arabica, Robusta, and Liberica

She is the very model of a modern Culinary-Confectiona! ~”

“~ In fact, when I know what is meant by “Ristretto” and “Affogato”

When I can tell at sight a latte from a Doppio

When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at

And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern brewery

When I know more of tactics than a fool does in foolery

In short, when I've a smattering of flavor strategy

You'll say a better Culinary confectionist l has never sat a gee ~”

“~ You'll say a better Culinary-Confectionist has never sat a gee!

You'll say a better Culinary-Confectionist has never sat a gee!

You'll say a better Culinary-Confectionist has never sat a, sat a gee! ~”

“ ~For my espresso knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury

Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century

But still, in matters Arabica , Robusta, and Liberica

I am the very cardinal of a caffeinated culinary confectiona~”

“ ~ But still, in matters Arabica, Robusta, and Liberica

She is the very cardinal of a caffeinated culinary confectiona! ~”

As Micole sang her final note, she along with the other customers struck various eccentric poses. Leo just stood there in complete amazement and shock as he slowly clapped his hands. After a few seconds, Micole and everyone else broke off from their poses and went off as if everything was normal. Micole in particular skated up to the nervous imp with her arms crossed and a not-so-happy face to go along with it.

“Now then, what are you going to do?”

“S-stick to the register.”

“Good.”

Micole then skated off, leaving Leo alone at the register once more. While her little…. Performance was spectacular to say the least, Leo couldn't help but feel bad about not being able to be of much help around the cafe. It was only his first day, and not only has he left a bad impression on his boss, but also realized that he may have bitten off more than he could chew…

In the Vinebucks backroom, Paint was failing horribly at his job, which is to say he was failing at being a bad employee. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to be mean to the customers. They all looked so sad, stressed out, and utterly depressed; Paint simply didn’t have the nerve to spew off any insults into their faces or various bodily fluids into their coffee.

I just hope Stephen and Darby will come through here.

Paint was tasked with the daring task of getting Stephen and Darby to the back rooms of Vinebucks. A task achieved through the bold strategy of the two walking through the front door and following Paint as he said that he was going on break.

“I'm going on break.” 

“Man, I don't give a fuck.” 

The risk play paid off as the trio entered the back rooms. They split up to do their parts, well Darby and Stephen went off to do their parts. Paint simply sat in the employee break room on his phone. After all, he was on break. Scrolling through Voxter and watching an interesting newscast involving an interview with the princess of hell. Stephen and Darby infiltrate the backrooms of the rival cafe in order to further sabotage the business, but hit a roadblock when they realize just how low quality the chain's goods already are.

“Hey Step, we may have a problem. I've added rat poison, itching powder, and some other shit I found lying around to their baked goods and I think I made them better somehow.” 

Stephen, samples coffee and immediately spits.

“Yeah, their coffee isn't much better, I'm pretty sure this is literal dirt mixed in with the coffee grounds. Actually, hang on,” He ran outside, bending down as he licked a pile of nearby dirt. “Yep, actual dirt tastes better.”

“Remind me again how Micole's place is threatened by all of this?”

“It's cheaper, faster, and most of the Baristas won't try to stab you.” 

“Good point.”

“Well if tainting their supplies won't do us any good, then it's time to turn to some good old-fashioned vandalism.” 

Darby perked up. He started to open his mouth to make a suggestion but Stephen cut him off.

“We're not using the Paint Flail Maneuver for a simple sabotage scheme.” 

Darby’s excitement died in an instant, arms falling to his sides as he grumbled about never being allowed to have any fun.

“Just start breaking shit! Trash everything in sight! That’ll put this place outta-”

The gator didn’t get another word out before the ceiling suddenly collapsed, a large form plummeting to the ground amidst a shower of dust, cheap insulation, and what looked like half-eaten roaches. Darby and Stephen took a step back from whatever the hell had just smashed its way into the room.

Upon further investigation, that large lump revealed itself to be an emaciated imp wearing a Vinebucks uniform. Their body was so thin and malnourished that said uniform was hanging off them like a poncho, nothing but skin and bone beneath the cheap fabrics.

“Please!”  The imp wheezed, reaching for Stephen. “Help me!”

Before either of the duo had a chance to do anything, the Vinebucks manager came storming into the room with a disgruntled look.

“What the hell is going on in-” Their head whipped towards the imp on the floor. “Jerry?! What the shit? Have you been slacking off again? I told you a thousand times, you’re not allowed to eat roaches you find in the ceiling!”

“But it’s the only good meal I can get with my salary!” The imp whined.

The manager roughly grabbed the imp by the back of his shirt and hauled him onto his hooves. “We don’t pay you to eat, we pay you to give bare minimum customer service and push our reward cards. Now get your scrawny ass out there and do your Satan-damn job!”

The manager then slapped the imp across the back of his head with enough force to send the smaller demon stumbling out into the main area of the cafe where they were immediately accosted by the waiting customers in need of their caffeine fix. Once they were gone, the manager took notice of the two unfamiliar individuals standing in the middle of the room.

“And you two are?” they asked.

Darby glanced at Stephen and said the first thing that popped into his head. “Uh…repairmen?”

“For the iced coffee machine!” Stephen added, trying to play along. 

“That thing’s just for show, it’s never operational.” The manager snorted. “There’s nothing here that needs fixing so how about you two dumbasses get the fuck outta here?”

“What about the big hole in the ceiling?” Stephen asked.

The Vinebucks manager looked up at the hole in question. “I guess that is a problem. Well go ahead, this whole place has a ridiculous insurance policy so payment won’t be an issue.”

“What do you mean?” asked Darby.

“You could literally smash everything in here and we’d have it replaced by tomorrow, no sweat. Big boss really got a steal on his coverage, only thing it doesn’t protect against is explosions but what are the odds of that happening? Anyways, have at it fuck-sticks.” the manager replied before strolling off into the back office.

Stephen seemed to deflate at the news, his nearly boundless confidence faltering for the first time when he realized this endeavor was proving to be far more difficult than he anticipated. 

“So much for plan B.”

“I thought we were still on plan A?” Darby inquired.

“No we aren’t, keep up Darby!” The gator sinner snapped.

Darby held up his hands defensively. “Okay, okay. So scaring off the customers is out, poisoning the food is out, and vandalism is out. Any more ideas?”

“Give me a few minutes, I’ll think of something.”

Stephen absent-mindedly walked over to some bags of subpar coffee beans and took a seat. His eyes were lost in thought as he contemplated their next move. Seeing little else to do, Darby headed off to the breakroom to join Paint. 

Said breakroom was about what he expected from a place this cheap: paint peeling off the walls, a pair of vending machines with generic brand snacks and drinks shoved into a corner next to a set of lockers seemingly on the verge of collapse, no windows in sight with the dinky light bulb hanging above serving as the only light source, and a rickety plastic table with equally unstable folding chairs set up in the middle of the room where Paint was currently unwinding; how the cheap furniture was holding up the pangolin’s bulk was a mystery for the ages. 

In any case, Darby helped himself to the vending machines; using a little trade secret to obtain a free soda and bag of crackers from each one, before gently sitting down next to the sinner. Darby didn’t wanna risk breaking the chair by sitting down too fast.

“Hey Paint, we should probably get going soon.” Darby said, cracking open the soda.

Paint looked up from his phone, expression growing nervous. “Why?”

“Well, we just hit a dead end on plan c of this little scheme of Stephen's and we seem to be out of tricks.”

“Look, you haven't known Stephen for as long as I have. He'll figure something out, he always does……” Paint sighed.  “Whether it be intentionally or not.”

“I guess, just seems like we met our match. Which is not what I thought I'd say about a shitty coffee chain.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, trying to think up a way to turn this around; preferably one that didn’t involve explosives. When suddenly, Darby’s phone went off and the caller id on the screen displayed Debbie’s name.

Darby quickly answered the call. “Hey Debs, what's up? Trouble?”

“No Darby, no trouble. I was just checking to see if you were almost done with whatever you boys were up to. We got some orders that need tending to soon, so I was hoping you'd be wrapping up.” The female sinner replied. 

“Well I wouldn't exactly say it's wrapped up, but I think we might be done here. Unless you know how to tank a business that doesn't care about physical damage.” Darby grumbled.

There was a brief pause on Debbie’s end. “.......Have you tried review-bombing it?”

“Review what?” Darby said

“Review-bombing, it's when you leave a bunch of terrible reviews for something to try and kill its profitability.”

“Huh….okay, we might have something here then. Thanks Debbie, should be back soonish then.” Darby hung up the phone and turned to Paint. “Hey Paint, you familiar with review-bombing something?”

“Yeah, why……. Oh my God we could've just done that from the start, couldn't we?” Paint groaned, performing the classic facepalm maneuver.

“Yeah, but let's not think about it and get started,” Darby replied.

“It’s over, oh thank Satan it’s over!” Leo cried out, slumping over the countertop in relief.

The midday rush had finally trickled to a close and despite only manning the register, Leo was totally exhausted. All the terrible customers who Micole usually scared off had used Leo as a punching bag simply because he was the one behind the counter. Not that he wasn’t used to such treatment but it wasn’t an enjoyable experience regardless. The only saving grace was her coming over to give him a break.

“Okay, I think you’ve had enough for now. You can go on break for a bit.” 

“R-really?”

“Yeah, there’s usually a bit of a lull after the midday rush so feel free to take a load off for a bit, I can man the counter myself for an hour or two.” 

Leo nods at Micole as he stumbles out from behind the counter into one of the unoccupied seats.

At this point he is seriously considering going back to try out for the maid job at the hotel, regretting ever taking this job and wondering what the hell he was even thinking. It had only been a day and he’d been dealing with nothing but non-stop insanity since the moment he walked in the door.

“Rough day?”

Leo looks up to see a tall and slender Wrath imp looking down at him with a warm gaze of concern, a warm cup of coffee in one hand and an old laptop tucked under her other arm. Her black hair had been tied into a messy ponytail with a pair of tired yet friendly eyes sitting behind crooked eyeglasses, while her outfit had more of an ashen theme to it: off-white dress, black corset belt, and grey leggings accompanied by a pair of black heel boots to complete the look.

“I guess you could say that….” 

The newcomer slides into the seat across from him and places her laptop on the table while keeping a grip on her coffee cup.

“Spill.” 

Leo blinked at the command.

“Huh?”

“Seems like you want to talk or vent out. So by all means. I’m known to be a good listener.”

“You sure you don’t mind?”

“I work in HR. Try me.” 

While Leo was tempted to tell her to shove off so he didn’t become a burden, there was a sort of friendly aura to her that made him feel a bit more like opening up to her. So the imp took in a deep breath and unloaded all the stress he had gone through over the last day or so: the increase in rent, his failed job search, his job at Micole’s cafe, and the chaos he went through with both the customers and Micole. At the end, Leo expected the mystery female imp to look at him crazily or like he was a weirdo. She just stared at him passively.

“Ah, seems rough. And sorry about the job shift with Micole. She can get a bit carried away when it comes to her cafe. It’s her baby. But she’s a sweetheart off the clock.” 

“But I don’t know if I can do this!” He laminated. “Is this job even worth it?! 20 souls per hour is great but dealing with the customers and Micole. Maybe I should quit…I’m sure there are other jobs in Pride I could find…”

“There are, unfortunately, it would depend on what skills you have and what you are willing to do. Also, you need to be aware of the discrimination here in Pride. Most work here in Pride is geared towards sinners, which leaves hellborns with the leftover blue-collar work or grunt work in some cases. And that’s only if you get the job.”

Leo groaned, covering his face in his hands.

“In other words, I’m screwed.” 

“Hey, don’t be down.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “Trust me, Micole’s cafe isn’t that bad. Sure you have to deal with asshole customers, but that doesn’t mean you have to deal with that shit. I mean, look at Micole.” 

The smaller imp gawked at her.

“She threatens and tries to attack them!” 

“Yeah, and it keeps them in order.” 

“Is that even legal?” 

“In Hell, yes. Especially in Pride where the Sinner population is through the roof and they can’t really die.”

“But I’m not really the threatening type of person. And have you seen some of those demons that come in?! I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“How about this: I’ll lend you a hand in your next shift.” the imp suggested.

Leo did a double-take. “Wait, what?!”

“Sure, I’ll ask Micole to hand me an apron and I’ll help you control the crowd and deal with the orders. I’ve done a couple of shifts here when Micole asked for some backup.” the imp continued.

“You know Micole?”

“Yep, we've known each other for a long time.” the imp said, standing up from her seat. “I’ll go talk to her and see if I can lend you a hand. I can man the coffee station and if any customers give you shit, let me know.”

“Are you gonna scare them off like Micole?” Leo asked.

The imp grinned. “Let’s just say that the HR I work at has me handling information on many of the residents of Pride.”

“O…kay?” Leo said.

He had no idea what the imp meant by that but judging by her tone it couldn’t have been anything good.

“I’ll let you enjoy your break. You still have half an hour before you get back. Just think it over.”

She then strolled over to where the cafe owner was tending to the other customers. Leo was half expecting her to get stabbed or something when she tapped on Micole’s shoulder, so imagine his surprise when he saw Micole give a happy jump, practically hugging the other female imp from across the counter.

…Shit, he didn’t even get her name.

Though…what the other imp told him…. Would it be worth it? Working for a stab-happy boss? The pay was far more decent than anywhere else and while Micole was a complete nutcase, Leo’s worked with far more unstable individuals (his current boss included on that list); compared to them, she was actually quite pleasant…

The imp whistled to get his attention. 

“And before I forget, there are two things you should know: first, the name’s Cynical. I’m Micole’s best friend.”

“Oh, okay. What’s the other thing?” Leo asked.

“You might wanna hit the deck.”

Before Leo had the opportunity to ask what the hell that meant, a large explosion coming from across the street cut him off; the force of the blast was so cataclysmic that it not only wiped out half the block but it sent a shock wave through the nearby buildings, shattering the windows instantly. The only structure that was spared was Micole’s place, the reinforced bulletproof glass she installed stood strong against the rush of wind.

“W-W-W-WHAT THE FUCK?!” Leo sputtered.

Cynical sighed, shaking her head. 

“Looks like Stephen’s been busy today.”

Five minutes earlier

“Holy crap, I did not expect this to be so effective,” Darby remarked.

“Tell me about it. We’ve only been at this for a few minutes and it’s already getting results.” Paint agreed.

After spending a good chunk of time on WHELP, creating fake accounts to drop one-star reviews with a few made-up stories to go along with it, Darby and Paint had pretty much killed Vinebucks’ business. Earlier the cafe had been fairly packed but with each review, the stream of customers became less and less until it was so dead that the demonic duo thought for sure they saw a tumbleweed pass through the main floor. 

Not only that, the owner had taken notice and had stopped in to see what the problem was and the guy was going ballistic at the news. Paint and Darby used the opportunity to peek out from the backroom and enjoy the fireworks.

“Rats in the pastries? Piss in the coffee machine? VEROSIKA MAYDAY SONGS PLAYING ON THE RADIO?! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU MORONS BEEN DOING WITH MY BUSINESS!” Vinny screamed. 

“Sir I-” the Vinebucks manager began only for the Vineagroon to grab him by the throat and lift the poor bastard off the ground.

“DON’T SIR ME! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW HARD IT WAS TO GET THIS SPOT? I BOUGHT FORGED DOCUMENTS, BRIBED ZONING BOARDS, AND EVEN HAD A BUS FULL OF ELDERLY IMPS DRIVEN OFF A CLIFF!”

“Remind me again why you had to do that last thing?” The Vinebucks manager choked out.

“IT DOESN’T FUCKING MATTER! POINT IS I’VE PUT TOO MUCH TIME AND MONEY INTO THIS PLACE TO HAVE IT SUNK ON DAY ONE! AND- YOU!” The lousy-coffee owner dropped the manager and turned his fury towards Paint and Darby. “WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS DOING JUST STANDING AROUND HERE?! I DON’T PAY YOU LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE SO YOU CAN SLACK OFF! GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE AND HELP ME DRUM UP SOME-” 

“GATOR CHOP BITCH!” Stephen yelled, appearing out of absolutely nowhere.

The reptilian sinner karate-chopped Vinny right in the throat, causing the corrupt tycoon to let out a gasp and fall to his knees. While he was busy clawing at his throat and coughing up a storm, Stephen motioned for his companions to follow him.

“C’MON BOYS WE GOTTA SKEDADDLE!” Stephen exclaimed

Considering the Vinebucks owner was going to be EXTREMELY pissed off as soon as he recovered from the blow, Paint and Darby didn’t need to be told twice and quickly followed their ringleader out into the street.

“HURRY! I DON’T KNOW HOW LARGE THE BLAST RADIUS IS GONNA BE!” Stephen shouted.

“Blast radi- STEPHEN WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Paint snapped.

“NO TIME! JUST GET DOWN!”

Stephen tackled both Paint and Darby to the ground as soon as they reached the other end of the street, shielding their bodies with his own (rather ineffectively, I might add, given his beanpole build). From there he simply braced himself for the explosion…

And braced himself….

And braced himself…

After about four and a half minutes of this, Stephen peeked up in confusion.

“Huh…thought it would have gone off by now.” the alligator remarked.

“What would have gone off?!” Darby asked.

“Well after sitting on it for a while, I remembered that the manager said their insurance didn’t cover big explosions. So I fucked around with the boiler for a bit until it was rigged to explode, or at least I thought I did. Musta screwed up somewhere when I was turning the pressure valves. Now I gotta come up with another plan.” Stephen shrugged.

“Don’t worry, you won’t have to. Darby and I already took care of it.” Paint said, holding out his phone.

Stephen's eyes lit up the moment he realized what he was looking at. “Oh! You were talking smack about the place on the internet! That’s genius! Glad I thought of it!”

“But you didn’t-” Darby began.

Stephen pressed a finger against the imp’s lips. “Shhh, let me have this. Now mind if I take a look at some of those fake reviews, I wanna see what you guys came up w-”

*BOOM*

The hapless trio was knocked off their feet by the abrupt explosion originating from the Vinebucks, all three of them falling to the pavement as the sounds of roaring flames and crumbling rubble filled their ears. As soon as the mayhem had run its course, Stephen started laughing like a maniac.

“THERE WE GO! THERE’S THE EXPLOSION! I KNEW I DID IT RIGHT!” Stephen chortled.

“DAMN IT STEPHEN! THAT’S THE SECOND TIME TODAY!” Paint shouted.

“Give me some slack! I got us out of the blast radius this time and nobody got hurt!”

“MY FLESH! IT’S FALLING OFF MY BONES!” the voice of Vinny Slick screeched through the blazing ruins that was once his place of business.

Darby and Paint gave Stephen a disapproving look.

“…nobody important got hurt.” Stephen clarified.

Paint started huffing, having reached his limit for Stephen’s antics for the day, and geared up to give his friend the scolding of a lifetime. But just as he was about to burst, the fire in Paint’s gut lost its strength and the guy deflated like a sad little balloon. Offering up nothing but a tired sigh in response.

“So now that’s over with….” Darby spoke up. “You guys wanna celebrate with some red velvet cake?” 

“Yes please.” Paint muttered.

Stephen looked back at Micole’s cafe. “Actually I gotta take care of a little something first.”

“You’ve been pretty busy today man, don’t you think you should sit down for a bit?” Darby asked.

“It’ll only take a second. Don’t worry, I’ll catch up with you guys soon.” Stephen said, waving him off.

“Fine, suit yourself.”

The imp and the pangolin strolled off towards the former’s place of business, leaving Stephen alone to take care of whatever crazy plan had popped into his head now. As the con man moved to re-enter Micole’s cafe, he found himself bumping into Cynical on the way in.

“Hiya C.” Stephen said

“Stephen.” Cynical nodded, motioning to the rubble that was once a Vinebucks. “Your work I take it?”

Stephen grinned. “You know me so well. Anyways, is Micole’s new sidekick still here?”

“Leo? Yeah, he’s right over there taking a bit of a breather. You’re not trying to get him involved in one of your schemes are you?” 

“Nah, this is pleasure, not business,” Stephen said.

Micole then skated up to the duo. 

“Stephen?”

“Yeah, Micki?” Stephen responded, then yelped when she kicked his knee. “Ow!!” 

“First of all, DON’T CALL ME MICKI!!! And second, was the owner of the place still inside when it blew?”

He nodded his head.

“Good. Saves me the trouble of killing him myself. I owe ya one.”

“Can ya take a few bucks off my tab then?”

Micole shot him a glare. 

“Don’t push it.” 

She skated off to tend to her customers.

“Well, I’ll leave you to your little sit down with Leo, see you tomorrow night?” Cynical inquired.

Stephen grinned, shooting her some finger guns.

“Of course!”

With that Cynical maneuvered around Stephen and exited the cafe, while the alligator sinner approached Leo who appeared to be caught up in deep thought.

Stephen tapped his knuckles against the table. 

“Hey, this seat taken?”

“Oh, Leviathan it’s you!” Leo despaired. 

“It’s meeeee!” Stephen teased as he slid into the seat across from Leo.

“What do you want now? I’m on my break.”

“Well I was wondering if you were up for a bit of clubbing tomorrow night,” Stephen answered.

Leo blinked in bewilderment, completely taken off guard by the response. 

“Huh?”

“Every week or so, the whole gang goes out for a night on the town, having some good clean fun…or as clean as you can get in this place. I’ve been asking around and we’d love ta have you tag along.” Stephen explained.

“Y-you're not messing with me, are you? I h-hardly even know you! Hardly t-think we're at the point of hanging out e-especially after that!” Leo whimpered, pointing at all the destruction outside.

“Oh c’mon! I don’t bite!” 

The gator put on a smile that was meant to be soft and comforting; but the rows upon rows of razor sharp teeth that were put on display, teeth that looked like they could bite through solid steel, completely ruined the effect.

“Y-yeah, I really doubt that!” 

“Fine, ya got me. I do bite but only the people I don’t like and I like you friend! You seem like a fun guy! Besides, you’ll have five other people watching your back out there, it’ll be fun I promise!”

Leo thought about it for a few seconds. He's never really…. HAD friends before, not even back at Envy, and he wouldn't really call his co-workers at his other job "friends”. Leo had found himself in a little bit of a conundrum: if he refused, who knows how this Stephen guy would react? Leo had already seen firsthand what he was capable of and part of him was convinced the sinner was putting on a fake ensemble to get Leo to bring his guard down; however, if he chose to accept the offer then either it would reach the same outcome or…or he’d be pleasantly surprised by the proceedings and actually have fun for the first time in, well forever! So the choice was rather obvious.

“F-fine. Just…. No tricks o-ok?”

Stephen chuckled. 

“Sorry bud, can’t promise you tha-AAAHHH!”

Out of nowhere, the alligator started screaming and Leo looked over his shoulder to see Micole standing there, roughly tugging on Stephen’s tail.

“Stop scaring the newbie!” She scolded him.

“Okay! Okay! No tricks! Just wholesome friend fun! Now let go of my tail!” Stephen pleaded.

Micole did exactly that and skated off, while Stephen brought the extra appendage around and gently cradled it in his arms.

“Phew, that was close. Thought I was gonna have to spend a week growing this thing back…again.”

“S-she’s a scary lady isn’t she?” Leo gulped.

“Yeah but…it’s not her fault she’s like this.” 

The gator’s tone sounded cryptid. Making the Envy-imp anxious.

“W-what’s that mean?”

“Ain’t my story to tell my friend. Anyways, see ya tomorrow night!” Stephen cheerfully said as he sauntered off.

Leo buried his face in his arms. “Satan, I hope I don’t wake up in a bathtub full of ice tomorrow.”

EPILOGUE

The sun had begun to set when the still burned Vinegaroon Sinner approached the smoking remains of his business, a "for sale" sign set up in front of the building. He was accompanied by a succubus who seemed to be filling out paperwork as she walked behind him. As he changed the "for sale" to "sold" the succubus handed the finished paperwork to the chain owner. He begrudgingly accepted the final step in the selling of his most recent acquisition and turned to speak to the woman that had just bought the property.

“Look, just a heads up. I'm pretty sure the knife-happy bitch across the street had something to do with this!” He gestures to the crater of his recently destroyed coffee shop. “So don't be surprised if the same shit happens to you, and good luck finding a buyer if shit goes tits up for you.” 

The mysterious succubus gives the singed sinner a condescending smirk before speaking.

“Oh please, I know how to handle little Micki. We went to high school together, I'm sure she'd be happy to see an old friend like me.” 

Chapter Text

Caffiends Episode 2: Pals, Gals and Creepy Decals!

Darkness. That’s what was currently filling the room. With the only light source being some lit candles. In the center of the room was a figure, reading from a book. Crushing up plants, food and other ingredients that they needed. 

“Yes….” The figure hissed with excitement. “Yes!! I have done it! It’s complete! It’s-!”

“Hey! M!”

The figure hissed when the door of their sanctuary was opened, spreading the dreaded light they were hiding from. The newcomer was a Wrathian female imp, wearing an off-white corset dress. She glanced around the room, frowning.

“Girl! I thought I told you that hiding away in the dark is bad for your eyes!” She started to open up the curtains that covered the windows. “And your skin and mood. You’re not a vampire, Micole!”

The mysterious figure, now revealed to be the cafe owner, pouted as she pulled her hood down.

“Cynical! I told you not to interrupt me when I’m in the middle of a breakthrough!”

Cynical rolled her eyes. “What were you doing this time?”

The smaller imp grinned, holding up a coffee pot filled with probably the darkest looking coffee that anyone has ever laid their eyes on.

“Behold! My latest coffee confection! A coffee that can give you endless energy for three days!!”

Cynical couldn't help but stare at Micole with a blank expression, before her mouth turned into a frown as she raised her eyebrow. “That sounds dangerous and frankly unhealthy.”

Micole with her free hand snapped her fingers before pointing towards Cynical. “Exactly! It’s perfect! No more sleep for me! I now control the power of TIME!!”

The older imp looked at her tail, which gave her a quizzical look in response. She sighed, pinching the bridge between her eyes.

“When was the last time you slept?” 

“A week ago,” Micole responded with zero hesitation. Her attention was taken up by the new brew of coffee she's made.

“You haven’t slept in a WEEK!?!? You need to get to bed!”

Micole blinked at her, then happily shook her head.

“Nope!” She said as she headed towards the door. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a new coffee to-”

The Lust Imp didn’t get a chance to finish her sentence as after only three simple steps, she soon found herself falling to the ground, face first. 

Her pot of coffee miraculously did not spill over.

“Micole!?”

Cynical ran over, worried that her friend might have died. She checked her pulse. After a few tense seconds, she let out a sigh of relief. She was still alive. Just passed out.

Cynical jumped out of her skin however when she heard the loudest snore she's ever heard in her life. Holding onto her chest as her heart races. After taking a few deep breaths, she wiped the sweat off her forehead as she looked down. Finding out that Micole herself was the source of all the ungodly sounding snores.

Well, she did want her friend to sleep. Just not in the way she expected. She dragged her caffeine addicted friend to her bed, tucking her in.

“....Looks like I’ll be saving the news of the group hang-out for when she wakes up. ….Lucifer knows when that will be.” She sighed. “Looks like the Cafe is closed for the morning.” 

The early evening of Pride's sky was setting in as a large black maintenance van pulled in front of the Cafe. As it came to a stop, the driver stepped out, his scaly-rock like feet in a pair of dark-colored sandals hitting the payment as he let out a grunt. Moving towards the Cafe the glass showed his reflection.

He was a tall alligator-golem sinner. He had a rather beefy build covered in scars, wearing a stained white tank top and shorts.  When he reached the door he saw the sign read "closed".

"Mmm?" As he made the questioning noise, he scratched the back of his head. "Weird… She's usually open now."

Pushing on the door he found it gave way. Walking in he couldn't smell coffee being brewed, see any of the usual customers, or the host that ran the establishment. Faint sounds from the back told the Sinner that the establishment wasn't as abandoned as it seemed.

“Mimi! Hello? Ya’ll okay in here?”

No answer.

"This better not be another one of those scare pranks, senorita! Micole!" 

More silence. Suspicious, and a bit concerned, the large gator made his way to the back of the store. Whoever was in his friend’s business was going to get a nasty surprise. 

As he moved deeper into the restaurant, he heard faint mumbling and clattering of metal objects coming from the back of the establishment. His curiosity piqued, the reptile lumbered in the direction of the noise.

He had been expecting one of two things: a robber or Micole lost in another one of her caffeine highs. But when he pushed through the doors to the storage room, he was instead met with the sight of a chubby imp with curly hair, struggling to free one of his hooves from a bucket.

 “Come. Off. ALREADY!”

“Need some help there?”

“Nah, I got it. I just have to-“ he paused, noticing the gator-golem, “Oh my Satan.”

Leo was struck frozen in place, unable to move even an inch as he beheld what may have been one of the largest, most muscular demons he had ever seen in his entire life. The imp’s mouth stretched agape and a light blush tinging his cheeks. 

Seeing as the imp was too busy gaping at him to attend to the bucket still trapping his leg, the gator decided to lend a helping hand. He kneeled down next to the smaller demon and proceeded to pry the metal container off as easily as one would remove a band-aid.

“There we go. Easy as pie.” The larger demon dusted off his hands. “Now would you mind telling me who the fuck you are and why you’re back here?”

Leo, snapping out of it.

“Oh! Right, sorry! I’m Leo. Micole just hired me as her new cashier and needed help closing up shop tonight.”

“Leo? Are you that little guy Stephen’s been blabbin’ about?”

“Wait, you know Stephen?”

“Tall? Always wears the same suit? Real wacky guy? Yeah I know em’.”

“I just didn’t know he had a brother.”

There was an awkward pause. 

“¿Qué me acaba de decir este tipo?” The stone stoic muttered in subtle surprise before speaking up to the small imp.

Leo, realizing he fucked up, instantly started to backpaddle.

“W-well it’s just you two look really similar to one another, a-and I've never really seen that with other sinners before, and I just thought-”

"Oh relax, not the first time someone’s made that mistake. The name's Lug Nut." The golem stated. "Me and Stephen aren't related as far as we know, hasn't stopped him from trying to get a free fix-up though.”

"Yeah, he tried that with me on my first day."

"Well don't let your guard down; dude is seriously determined. Es como una cucaracha.”

"Noted.”

The Envy imp nodded his head. He… wasn’t quite sure on how to continue the conversation. What if he said something else that would upset the large beefy gator? What if he made a fool of himself!?  

“So uh… I don’t know where Micole is. Uh… I… I don’t have her number and… I don’t know where she lives.” 

Lug Nut gave an amused snort.

“Upstairs probably.”

Leo blinked. 

“What?”

“She lives on the floor above.” He motions to a flight of stairs in the corner. “Her apartment is right up those stairs.” 

The smaller demon gave a sheepish smile. 

“....I knew that.” 

“And I’m sure that’s why you were down here, looking for her inside of a bucket.” Lug Nut sarcastically replied.

The gator then turned on his heel and started lumbering upstairs, Leo following behind like a lost puppy dog. Thanks to the height disparity between them, Leo was granted the perfect vantage point to gaze at Lug Nut’s muscular ass as the two of them ascended to the second floor. 

Leo cleared his throat as he pulled at the collar of his shirt, looking down in slight embarrassment as the blush returned to his face.

Coming up to a simplistic yet cozy loft space, Lug Nut headed towards a door clearly marked ‘Micole’s apartment: trespassers will be stabbed repeatedly’ and hammered his fist against the wooden surface. After an extended period with no response he pulled out a key and proceeded to unlock and enter the apartment.

“Micole? Are you in there?” Lug Nut called out.

While the Latino reptile was busy checking on Micole, Leo took the opportunity to check out his boss’ living space. He didn’t even know this place existed until now and was a tad curious about how Micole chose to decorate her home. The first thing that struck him was the obscene amount of plushies filling the room. How many plushies did one person need!? Sure maybe if she was a little girl, it would be one thing, but a room full!?

Other than the toys, he took notice of the decor. Her walls were a dusty purple. With dark purple carpet. Most of her furniture was black or a dark brown. Most of the decor had a gothic vibe to it. With either spiders, bats, webs, cats or skulls for decoration. 

….How homey.

And creepy.

It was like a Halloween store threw up inside her apartment.

“Gee…” Leo gulped. “She… really likes all this creepy stuff… doesn’t she?”

“Sí.”

As the imp looked over what looked like a skull shrine with a mirror and black roses. ….How did she find black roses? And a… plush cat? It looked really real… He could see that it’s moving too.

Oh! It must be one of those robotic life-like animals that he heard about!

Curious, he started to raise his hand to pet the toy cat. Only for it to get startled awake, it’s lone green eye snapping opening. The cat gave a yowl as they extended their wings and flapped away from him.

The Envy imp gave an girlish shriek, causing Lug Nut to look over and hiss at him.

“Quiet!” 

“S-s-sorry…” 

The cat made its way over to Lug Nut’s shoulders, hissing at Leo. The gator turned his attention to the feline, giving it a scratch behind its torn right ear. 

“Hey Peppermint. You know where Micole is?”

The cat, Peppermint, gave a glare at Leo before turning back to the gator. As if to say “Who is this intruder you brought into our sacred home???”

“That’s Leo. Micole’s new employee.” 

The cat blinked.

“Yeah I know, he doesn’t look like much.” Lug shrugged. “But Micole brought him on board so he musta done something right.”

The cat looked over at Leo again, then gave a small meow. 

“Glad ya think so. So, ya know where Micole is?” 

The feline responded by bounding over to where the female imp’s bedroom door was. Pawing at the door. The gator nodded, bending down for a moment to pet her. 

“Gracias.” He knocked on the door “Micole! It’s Lug Nut! Are you in there?” 

No response. 

As he started to reach for the handle, Leo practically yelped, grabbing his hand in an attempt to stop the reptile. 

“Y-y-you can’t just… g-g-go into her room!!”

He raised a brow at the smaller demon. 

“How else do ya expect us to see if she’s alive or not?” 

The pudgy imp looked at the gator for a moment, as if silently implying that the answer is obvious. After a pregnant pause, Leo finally spoke up.

"But she's a Lust Imp! F-f-for all we know she could be... could be…"

Lug Nut waited for Leo to finish that sentence, but he seemed rather reluctant to elaborate further.

"...Could be what?"

Leo blushed a bit before speaking in a strained whisper.

"Naked....."

The large gator sinner rolled his eyes and let out a soft snort before she responded.

"She would rather die than be without clothes."

And with that statement, Lug Nut gently opened the bedroom door and peeked into Micole’s room. Leo, against his better judgment, leaned slightly past the sinner to see what his employer's room looked like. He was…….not surprised at all really. It matched the rest of the apartment he'd seen so far. As he looked around his attention was drawn to the sound of snoring coming from the bed. 

Or rather, the sound of snoring coming out of the mound of plushies occupying the bed. The only clue that Micole was even there was the scarred tail poking out of the bottom of the pile, twitching every so often.

Lug Nut, seeing that the lust imp was still breathing, smiled.

"Ah, good. Was afraid this might've been the one."

He reached his hand towards the plushie pile entombing its owner. After poking around the pile for a few moments of searching, his hand finally emerged with his prize. A moment later he fully pulled Micole out of her plush tomb…..and right off the bed. The she-imp hit the floor with a thump, startling her from her slumber.

"Ahh!!" 

The gator strolled over as Micole groaned. Peppermint bounded over, giving her owner a few licks to her face to help her wake up. 

"I'm up…I'm up…"

"Hola cariño, time to get up and greet the day." Lug Nut chuckled, squatting down next to her.

"Wait…" Micole said, becoming a bit more aware.  “LUG NUT?!"

"The same!" He replied with a smile.

She scrambled up. 

“I can’t believe you’re finally back! Wait… how long have I been out?”

"Too long, the end times are upon us, Ezekiel's trumpet has sound, the horsemen ride, and the living world will soon be ash."

Micole looked at him unamused.

"So… two days?"

"Give or take."

Both chuckled.

"Good to have you back, how’s the shop been doing lately?"

"Same ol’, same ol’. Had to reupholster an SUV after some idiot accidentally blew his buddy’s brains out in the back seat, can still smell the bits of brain." Lug Nut explained like cleaning viscera out of a car was a totally normal thing for him to do.

"You get that stuff I wanted?"

"Out in the Van."

She grinned. 

“You’re the best! The usual payment?" 

The larger demon nodded. She started to rummage through her drawers. After some searching she gave an “Ah ha!” as she pulled out a blue bottle. She ran over, handing it to him. 

“Here you are, big guy! Your usual!” 

“Gracias.” 

Without another word, she ran out the door to the gator’s van. Leaving Leo in stunned silence. He glanced over at the large sinner.

"Better go make sure she doesn't go digging through my tools." Lug Nut responded, making his way to the stairs. "Got a whole system in place and I won’t be able to find anything if she messes with it."

Making their way outside Micole was struggling to open the back doors to the van that seemed to be actually resisting the attempts.

"Come! On! OPEN!" Micole screamed, trying to pry the doors open, even planting her feet on the doors and hanging horizontal. As she continued to pull the truck seemed to shake and even throw her off. "OW! That hurts, you know?" She yelled at the truck which seemed to give a low growl at her.

"Diablo, abres. " Lug Nut said as the back doors opened and Micole dashed in.

"You named your truck?" Leo asked as he followed him and Micole inside.

"Pfft, naturally," Lug Nut laughed. "If you think me naming my van is odd, you haven't been around Micole enough."

The van itself was quite nice, at least as far as Leo’s limited car knowledge was concerned. It had a sleek black paint job, accented with an interesting decal of an eagle perched atop a cactus, tearing into a rattlesnake. With tinted glass and what looked like some sort of battering ram attached to the front bumper. Upon walking around to the open doors, Leo saw that the interior of the van only had two rows of seats squeezed into the front of the vehicle while the rest of the cabin was occupied by what could best be described as a mobile workshop with shelves of spare parts and tools lining one side and a miniature workbench bolted into the other. 

"No, no, no," Micole said as she dug through the boxes packed into the van, getting more and more frustrated by the absence of…whatever it was she was looking for. "Lug! Where is the stuff?" She called, pulling open some of the drawers on the work bench.

“The one place you’d never find it, mi amiga.” Lug Nut said, stepping into the van and opening up one of the cabinets bolted to the roof which contained two large boxes. One large box that had to be hefted over his shoulder and the other about the size of a shoebox. “The top shelf.”

"I'll stab you and say it was an accident." Micole half threatened/half teased.

"I'm sure." He handed her one box. "Here: a new and improved espresso machine, able to pull double time for the local caffeine witch.” He opened the other box and pulled out a strange mummified skeleton with a disproportionately large head and several sets of chicken-like legs and a messy mane of red hair. "And this little bugger is a gift that just screamed "Micole" to me, plus I'm pretty sure I missed your last birthday.”

"You got me an Arnuki Beast?" Micole gasped, reaching for the odd creature but the golem-gator kept it just out of reach.

"What do we say?" He asked coyly.

"Thank you, Lug Nut." Micole sighed.

Satisfied, he handed her the skeleton with a chuckle. The small Lust imp jumped for joy at the new addition to her collection of weird. She started to run out, but the truck was quick to slap the back doors shut right before she got out.

“No!! Diablo, don't do this to me!!”

“Ah, ah. Not so fast.”

She huffed, turning around to look at him.

“What? I said thank you.” 

“Tonight is the group’s bi-weekly hangout-”

“Nope. You lost me at hangout. I got rituals to do and coffee to brew.” She turned and started to kick at the truck doors. “Diablo! Let me out! I gotta hide before the others get wind that I’m awake!!” 

The Sinner rolled his eyes. 

"A bit of socializing won’t kill you." 

At the mention of kill, she started to dramatically choke and fall onto the ground. 

"Social… battery… drained…. Cannot… compute…. must… go… on… with… out… me…. Blah…." 

She was sprawled out across the floor of the van. Tongue hanging out of her mouth, her foot and tail twitched once. If Leo didn't know any better, he would've thought she was with how scrawny and sunken in her eyes were. 

A bug even landed on her eye and she still didn't move. 

Damn. That was some great acting skills.

"Oh no," Lug Nut said with sarcasm. "Well, I guess with Micole gone there will be no one to look after the cafe, the machines, her plushies, and everyone's tab can be forgiven."

Micole shot up like a spring loaded puppet. “NOT ON YOUR FUCKING LIFE!” 

“Huzzah! Micole has returned to us! Which means we can get back to our plans for the evening, isn’t that right Di?” Lug asked, receiving a happy engine hum in reply. 

"Lug Nut please, have mercy! You know how I feel about going out in public!”

“It’s called tough love, mi amiguita.” Lug Nut simply replied. “Now are you gonna come along willingly or am I gonna have to break out the old kiddie leash and drag you around all night. Your call.”

Micole bowed her head and sighed in defeat. “Ffffffffine! But you can’t make me like it!”

“Fair enough.” Lug Nut said before grabbing Leo by the back of his shirt without even looking, the imp letting out a surprised “yipe!” as the large sinner caught him in the midst of trying to sneak away through the front doors of the van.

“And where do you think you’re going? Stephen told me you’d be joining us tonight,” The golem asked as he raised an eyebrow.

“Well I just realized that I had a really important thing to do tonight and I really should get going!” The imp rapidly replied.

That was a lie and a pretty obvious one at that, but Leo couldn’t come up with a better excuse to get him out of this situation. Much like Micole he wasn't…. The best when it came to social interaction, especially when he had only just met some of these demons and they were already treating him as if he were a friend they've known for a long time. It all just felt… wrong and weird, it left him in just a constant state of confusion and Satan only knows what Stephen had in store considering his… first-hand experience with the con man's results of one of his "plans".

But the golem was unmoved as he lifted Leo to his eye level. “Nah tonto, that’s not how this works. See, these little get togethers are real important to old Stephen. Really important. And when anyone tries to skip out on em’, he tends to take it real personal-like. Then he gets all moody and whiny which makes him a lot more difficult to be around for awhile. I don’t want that and I know you don’t want that, so how about you make this easier on both of us and come quietly like yer boss over there? Hmm?”

Leo gulped, nervously trying to suppress the blush on his face from their shared proximity.

The way he spoke with that sexy country accent, the slight growl interwoven into every word that passed through his rocky lips. Sweet Satan Leo felt like he was going to pass out from sheer arousal. 

“Oh Satan, please step on me," Leo said under his breath.

Lug Nut blinked. “Disculpa, ¿qué?”

Panic shot through him. 'Fuck! Did he just say that outloud!?'

“I-I said ‘Oh S-Satan, please…don’t stop me!’ B-b-but my schedule just opened up and I’d love to come!” Leo stammered.

“Good boy.” The mechanic nodded. “Now c’mon. Ain’t polite to keep the others waitin’.”

About maybe two hours later, everyone was currently standing in the cafe, waiting to see what activity they would be going to. Though the only person who had yet arrived was Micole. Leo gave a nervous frown. 

Was she planning on bailing on them? 

She was currently the only person he really knew and was actually hoping to hide or stay close to her most of the time. Though after a minute or so, she finally came down. And… he was not expecting the outfit she was currently wearing. 

From what he knew about Lust-imps is that they liked to show skin, being sexual and flirty. So he was expecting like a dress or something.

Not….

A baggy black hoodie with a skull and black bell-bottom yoga pants. 

“Okay. Whose turn was it to pick the outing this time?” She asked. “Because I’m in a chaotic mood, and whatever the hell we’re doing, I’m going to make the poor souls in that location suffer.” 

“That would be me.” Cynical spoke up. “And there’s this new roller rink that opened up. They also have a laser-tag area, so I thought it would be nice to check out. We could either skate or kill each other with lasers. And they have a mini arcade area as well.” 

Micole nodded. 

“Bestie coming up with another great outing. As she always does.” 

The Wrath imp chuckled. 

“I know what my friends like. So does that sound good for everyone?” 

Leo couldn't help but shrink in his seat a little, all of this was just… going way too fast for his liking and he wasn't really sure how to process all of this let alone respond. Outings like this weren't exactly a common occurrence for him. 

And with all these new people…. His nerves were starting to get the best of him.

“Hey pal.”

Leo yelped and leapt out of his seat at the sudden voice, falling to the floor in an anxious heap. When he gained enough sense to look up, he saw none other than the local baker, Darby, standing over him.

“Wow, Micole wasn’t kidding when she said you were the jumpy type.” Darby remarked, offering the imp a hand to help him back on his hooves.

"Uh uh…. Th-thanks?" 

"You're welcome." The baker imp smiled.

The smaller imp shuffled awkwardly. He wasn’t quite sure what to do or say now, especially since out of everyone here he knew Darby the least, even compared to demons he just met such as Lug Nut.

"I'm Darby. I work at the bakery that's two doors down. Nice to finally have a face with the name." 

Leo gave a nod. Still speechless.

“Soooo, how do you like working for Micole?”

“Oh uh… it’s… different. Busy. Really keeps you on your toes.”

Darby chuckled.

“It sure does. Micole’s been running this place on her own since she first opened it.”

The smaller imp blinked, then glanced over to where his employer was chatting with Cynical. Unlike their previous interactions Micole seemed a lot more relaxed in Cynical’s presence. Maybe it was because she knew her longer? It was possible. 

It was then the chubby imp caught an unfamiliar imp’s presence. This one had white hair and male horns, but from the body, they looked female…. Trans? Nonbinary? Intersex? He wasn’t sure, and didn’t want to accidentally offend them.

“Hey, who’s that? I don’t think I’ve met them.”

Darby looked over, noticing who he was pointing at.

“Oh, that’s Dalary. Cool chick. You’ll like her. Used to be a fitness instructor down in Sloth before she moved up here. Now she reviews audio tech. I don't fully get it, but she enjoys it. You should ask her about it sometime. It's a good way to get to know her.” 

The baker imp stops and looks over to the rest of the group. 

“Looks like the others are getting ready to head out. We should probably join them.” 

“Y-yeah, sure.” The shorter imp replied, still apprehensive about this idea.

He hoped it wasn’t as bad as he hoped….

It…. wasn’t all that bad. 

After getting word that Stephen and Paint were going to meet up with the rest of the group there, apparently the duo had gotten sidetracked with some personal business (I.E. one of Stephen’s on the fly schemes) they all piled into Lug Nut’s truck and drove down to the local roller rink.

The place had a nice disco seventies vibe to it with faded carpets, a jazz pop song playing on the overhead speakers, and a disco ball hanging over the rink and showering it with sparkles. An out-dated, but an overall fun theme nonetheless. The main attraction aside, there was also a decently sized arcade situated next to the rink filled with all sorts of cabinets ranging from light gun games to old eight-bit cabinets; there was even a whole laser tag arena!

Stephen spotted them as soon as they stepped inside, the sleazy gator chatting with his pangolin friend while leaning against one of the out of order cabinets, breaking out into a toothy grin as they entered his peripherals. 

“Guys! Gals! Non-binary pals! It’s good to see you all!” Stephen cheered. “I see you managed to drag our local gremlin out of her cave.”

“Fuck off Stephen.” Micole snapped, flipping him off. “There better be coffee in this joint.” 

“I love you too, Mimi!” Stephen said before turning his attention towards Leo. “And my favorite newbie is here too, how the hell are ya Leo?”

“Um…f-fine I guess?” Leo nervously replied.

“Just fine? That won’t do, you should be doing great or at least pretty good! We’ll have to work on that tonight. You know how to rollerskate?”

“No?”

“Never too late to learn then!”

Lug Nut put a hand on Stephen’s shoulder. 

“Lay off Steph. This is probably the first time the little guy’s been able to go out with friends, let him decide how he wants to make the most of tonight.”

“I’m just saying, who better to teach Leo the art of rollerskating than a bonafide expert?” 

“Actually I’d think I’d rather hang out with…uh…where’d Micole go?” Leo said.

The envy-imp quickly glanced around for his employer.

Cynical waved him off.

“She does that. Don’t worry. If you hear screaming, that’s probably where she is.”

He started to open his mouth in response when he was cut off.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!”

“Oh! Sounds like she’s near the restroom!” Stephen chirped. “I wonder if she stabbed a creep.”

“I’ll bet you ten souls on that.” Darby chuckled.

“I’ll take you up on that bet!” 

Leo balked at them. How were they… okay with that!?!? That she was probably off scaring and hurting other people??

“Sh-should one us uh… g-g-go check on h-her? M-make sure she’s uh o-okay?”

He flinched when another scream was heard. That… that didn’t sound good…. 

“Oh don't worry, she's fine. This is just how she gets used to new places.”

That did not make Leo feel any better. Before he could speak again to ask for an explanation Cynical spoke up.

“Okay everyone, while Mimi is doing her thing is there anything in particular we want to do?”

“Well I'm going to go get my skate on. Show these people what skating in style looks like!” Stephen declared with his standard confidence. “If anyone wants to join me, just head on over!”

“I think I'll go see what the snack counter has to offer. Could use a little pick me up before things get out of control.” Said the pessimistic Paint.

Lug Nut thought for a second before chipping in, “Think I'll join you. See if this place has a decent beer selection.”

“Hmm, the arcade looks pretty appealing right now. I hope they have a good racing game.” Dalary quietly spoke, before heading that over to a corner of the establishment filled with a robust selection of cabinets and other games.

“Yeah, same. Video Games are really calling to me right now.” Darby added, following behind Dalary.

“Stephen, I’ll join you on the rink,” Cynical added, then turned to Leo. “What about you, Leo? What would you like to do?”

The new arrival of the group tensed when all eyes were turned on him. Shit! Shit! He didn’t want the attention to be on him! His eyes scanned the area in a panic. Then out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of a familiar imp.

“I-I’ll hang with Micole!”

He winced hearing his voice crack. Fuck! Nice going Leo. Bet they think you’re such a weirdo now! He opened his mouth in an attempt to save face, but was cut off by Paint.

“Oh yea. It would be smart to make sure someone kept an eye on Micole so she didn’t blow the place up.”

“Great!” Stephen grinned. “It’s all settled! Off for some fun!”

Before Leo could say anything else, everyone went their separate ways. He sighed. Well… might as well go join Micole like he said he would. He quickly scanned the area for where the Lust-imp could be. Surely it couldn’t be that hard to locate her… right?

Said coffee-addicted imp was currently at the food court section. Seated at a table with a styrofoam bowl in front of her. To everyone else, it looked like she was eating. 

But that couldn't be further from the truth. 

Relieved to find her, Leo instantly made his way over. 

“Hey Micole. Uh… mind if I hang with you for a bit?” 

She barely cast a glance at him. 

“If you do, pass me the sugar shaker.” 

Leo looked at her in confusion, but complied with her request regardless. He watched as she took the sugar shaker…….and then dumped all the sugar into the empty bowl. 

“Wait wha-” Leo began to ask before being cut off by the she imp. 

“Hush, don't draw attention.” 

Micole swiftly takes the jar of salt of the other end of the table and deftly fills the empty shaker before putting the refilled container back down.

“What are you doing that for!?” He whispered-yelled at her. “You’re gonna make people upset!”

“That’s the point.”

He stared at her in shock, so she continued.

“I like fucking with people. So I go around random places and find what will annoy and piss people off in the most minute ways. Such as this. Switching the salt and sugar around.”

“Why!?”

She scoffed, pushing back the now switched jars into their former places.

“I just told you why. I like to see people suffer. Why are you here with me? Why aren’t you with the others?”

He shifted in his seat.

“You’re… uh… You’re the only I… felt comfortable with.”

Her face screwed in displeasure.

“Ew gross. I’m someone’s emotional support.”

He gave her an offended look, but she ignored him, moving to the next table. Taking her styrofoam bowl with her. He blinked, then proceeded to follow. She proceeded to do the same thing she did earlier with the sugar jar and salt shaker. 

While the familiarity shared between them made Micole the most comfortable person to be around out of the group, Leo was MUCH less comfortable being an accomplice in such a mean spirited prank that he’d likely end up catching the blame for knowing his luck. Thus the imp made the executive decision to ditch her and find someone else to hang out with. The possibility of simply taking off before anyone noticed crossed his mind, but he had seen how much effort Stephen and Lug Nut went through to bring everyone together. He was not about to take a gamble on that.

Maybe with Darby and Dalary? Darby seemed nice. If he remembered correctly, they were over at the arcade. 

Mind made up, he headed that way. Hopefully they wouldn’t mind him joining….

Leo made his way towards the corner section of the building filled with mostly old arcade games. He did his best to weave through the various demons milling about. Leo spotted Darby first, the baker imp deeply focused on whatever game he was playing. As he got closer he could make out a bit more of the game, it seemed to be some kind of boxing game? Currently he was fighting some kind of large hippo sinner as a small imp. Seemed a bit unfair of a fight. 

“H-hey Darby. Uh, having fun?” The shorter imp asked, unsure of how to start a conversation. 

The baker imp glanced over at him.

“Oh yea. Arcades are always a good place to hang.”

“Uh… c-cool.” He paused. “Wh-what are you playing?”

“Battle Royale Slam XI.”

“Oh…. Wh-what’s the… goal?”

“You go boxing against several different characters until you get to the big boss. It’s a really hard game. I can never get pass level thirteen. Micole jokes that she cursed that level for me as that’s the farthest she can get as well.” 

“O-oh…” 

“Do you want to take a crack at it?”

“Oh, uh, n-no I'm good. I don't think this is for me. Sorry…” the shorter imp apologized reflexively.

“No worries, it's not for everyone.” Suddenly the screen flashed and a text appeared, declaring Darby the loser. “Ah damn, not my best showing.”

He stepped away from the machine and turned to Leo. “Alright, how about we go see how Dalary is doing? She's probably over by the racing machines.”

The boys went looking for the other member. Only she wasn’t at the racing games. She was over at one of those dancing rhythm games. And…

She was killing it.

A crowd had gathered around her. Cheering her on as she kept in time with the beat. She was even singing along with the song that was playing.

“~Stomp to the beat
Watch my feet
See me Groove
You wish you had my moves
I’m that boom-boom-pow
I hear you shouting “Wow!”
Wish you can do this too
I’ll show you how I do!

I’m the shooting star
Watch me go faaaaaaar
I’m traveling the world
I’m a cosmos giiiiiiiirl
A cosmos girl
Girl, girl, girl
See me dance and twiiiiiiirl
Yes a shooting star
I’m going far-ar-ar!
Shooting staaaaar
Star, star, star
I’m a shooting star!~”

At the last line, Dalary had did a back flip, ending with a split. The crowd watched as Dalary’s score shoot up the screen.

Which landed in the number spot for the highest record.

“FUCK YES!!!” She shouted. “HIGH SCORE!!!!”

The crowd cheered for her. 

“Damn Dalary, really putting anyone else to shame there.” Darby jokingly teased his friend while clapping with some of the other onlookers. 

“What can I say?” She responded with a nonchalant shrug. “Sometimes I just get lost in the rhythm. It's almost meditative really. I just wish I could find someone to face off against one on one, it's hard to find a real challenge.”

While the two more familiar imps were chatting, Leo looked at the dance machine trying to decide if he should speak up or not. “Oh, w-well I could play against you if you want.”

The two turned to their newest friend, both lightly surprised at his suggestion. “Oh, you play these Leo?” Darby asks the shorter imp?

“Yeah, I played these a lot back home.” Leo responded, slightly embarrassed at the attention, even though he volunteered this information. 

Dalary gave him a reassuring smile. 

“I'd love to face off against you, we'll just have a friendly little competition.” She turns to the baker imp. “Darby, would you be so kind as to set up the song for us?”

“Nothing too intense please, it's been awhile since I've done this,” Leo piped up, not wanting to go overboard. 

“Yeah no problem, I'll find something real chill,” Darby said as he looked through the list of songs, before absent-mindedly selecting a Frankenstein-sequence fusion of Wannabe from Spice Girls and So What by Pink. “Yeah, I think that'll do. Get ready you two.” 

Dalary and Leo took their places on the dance pads as the song started to build up.

As the song continued, Leo struggling to get into the groove of the song, while Dalary seemed to have no issue. Eventually the smaller imp ended up collapsing. His eyes turned into swirls at how dizzy he was.

He couldn’t compare with her.

Dalary laughed, helping him up.

“Not bad lil’ dude!”

“Th-thanks…”

“I’m starting to get hungry, you and Darby wanna join me for at the food court? We can probably catch Paint while he’s still there. Unless Stephen dragged him onto the roller rink.”

Darby glanced over at said rink.

“No, no pangolin on the floor. But Stephen had dragged our grouchy barista out.”

The former fitness instructor nodded.

“Might be good for her. Skating is the closest she can get to flying.”

Leo tilted his head at them. Closest she could to flying…? Oh. Oh that’s right. She’s missing her right wing and her left wing was damaged. Damn. He couldn’t imagine what it was like to be an impubus and lose the ability to fly.

Maybe that was why she was so grumpy…?

A little shitty, but reasonable explanation.

He felt Dalary elbow him.

“Whatcha say Leo? Join us with Paint?”

“Oh uh…yea. Yea, I’m coming.”

“Alright!” 

In the laser tag arena, Cynical and Lug Nut were in the midst of a battle. It was the two of them against the other team. Their other comrades have been killed off. The other team were in the lead…

It was all on them now.

“Cyn!”

The Wrathian looked over from her hiding spot. Spotting the golem-like gator not too far off. He motioned with his tail to where two of their enemy were hidden. She nodded. Stealthily making her way over to them.

Once close enough, she rolled out, blasting them.

“Eat laser, punks!” 

The other demons didn’t even have time to react, each of them had been blasted out of the game before they could even get eyes upon their adversary. It was an utter massacre.

But unfortunately, that epic action hero move had caught the attention of several other enemy players who began to close in on Cynical’s position.

But fortunately, she had planned for this occasion and so had Lug Nut. The mechanic had hidden himself against the neon cover and waited until the other players had walked right into his sightline before popping up to open fire. A move the enemy team was clearly not expecting as they spun around trying to find the source of the shots, which Cynical quickly capitalized on to fire a few lasers of her own into the stunned crowd. Within seconds the two front assault completely turned the tide of the battle and the opposition was left in the midst of what was little more than a turkey shoot until the match timer sounded off.

“Winner: Blue team!” The robot PA system said. 

“Woo! The dynamic duo does it again!” Lug Nut cheered, jogging over to Cynical for a high five. Only to be intercepted by a sore loser on the other team.

“You fuckin cheaters!” A rather tall and bulky hellhound shouted right in Lug Nut’s face. “You cheated!”

The wrath imp huffed, tail lashing.

“We did not! You’re just sore losers!”

“Shut the fuck up, fire toad.”

Cyn’s eyes widened in anger, narrowing at him. Before she could say anything else, a sucker punch hit the hound’s jaw. Knocking him to the ground.  The golem-sinner glared at him.

“Don’t ever disrespect my friend like that again!” 

“Why you littl-AAAGGGGHHHH!” the demon screamed as he held his bleeding stump of a hand.

“Oops,” Cyn replied in a dead-pan tone, patting her chewing tail.

“Good…tail?” Lug Nut jokingly said.

Said tail immediately spit the hand out. Which was promptly scooped up by their creepy impubus friend.

“I’m keeping this.”

Then she ran off. With the same hound screaming at her to give his hand back. The mechanic cast a glance at the imp next to him.

“....I love our barista amiga… but she is muy loco.”

“Yea… but that’s just how she is.”

“...Tell me you don’t know what she's planning, por favor.”

“....I don’t.”

“Oh good.”

“But it’s Micole. So…. who knows.”

He sighed.

“Fair enough.”

As they started to walk off, they ran into Leo, Paint, Dalary and Darby. Darby gave them a grin.

“Oh hey guys! What’s new?”

The wrath imp gave a smirk.

“Lug-Nut and I destroyed our rivals in laser tag.”

Said Sinner nodded.

“Sí. Then Cyn’s tail ate a player’s hand and Micole took off with it when it spit it back out.”

Leo gave them a horrified look.

“She WHAT???”

Cynical gave a pat on his head.

“Hey don’t worry about it too much. She does that. She collects body parts, bones, teeth… it’s just one of her quirks.”

“You call that a ‘quirk’???”

Dalary placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s…. okay, it’s not… okay-okay, but that’s just how Micole is. She’s… into that creepy and macabre stuff. We just learned to roll with it. Plus she’s like… ya know, the local witch. It’s just part of her ritual stuff.”

He stared at them. This was insane. Absolutely fucking nuts. His new part-time boss collected body parts??? What the fuck!? And when said body part still had someone that still wanted it back!!

What kind of nutcase is he working for now???

He swallowed the bile that was rising in his throat.

“I…I think I need to sit down…”

Dalary and Darby led him over to a nearby table. Cyn was kind enough to get him a blanket to wrap himself like a burrito.

“Here. Rest here.” The fitness instructor instructed him. “I’ll get you some water.”

“Isn’t this fun, Mimi??”

Stephen was currently dragging his sister-from-another-mister on the rink. Holding onto her tail as she rolled behind him. She gave a growl in response. Her arms firmly crossed over her chest. She was a little angry that the staff made her give that hound his hand back. Asshole. He lost it fair and square when it was bitten off.

Now she’ll have to find another rando’s hand.

Or go grave robbing again.

Not like they’re using those body parts anyways.

“I knew you would agree!” He chirped, ignoring her very clearly soured mood. “Nothing like some skating to some good ole disco music to get you in the spirit of things!”

She snorted. “The music sucks, it smells like feet and nacho cheese and the ice has this film of I don’t know what and if I fall onto it, I will use your head as wall decoration.”

“Aww! You think my head is nice enough for your wall? Thanks!” Stephen smiled.

“That wasn’t supposed to be a complement.”

“Well I’m going to take it as one!”

“Uuuuuuuhhhhhhggggg….”

As the two skated along, the gator took notice of their gaggle of friends at the foodcourt. He sent them a wave, gesturing to the moody hybrid that she was with him. They waved or gave a head nod in acknowledgment.

Hearing the song transition to the next, Stephen gave her a big grin.

“Hey Mimi! How ‘bout we show them all our cool skater moves!”

She let out an irritated sigh.

“Fine…..”

“Thatta girl!”

Using her tail, he quickly whipped her around, allowing her to finally skate on her own rather than being dragged. She tilted her head to the blaring speakers, checking to get the beat. Once she got it, she started following the gator.

The two skated side-by-side, then started rotating to where they alternated on who was in front or behind. Stephen then took a hold of her hand, spinning her. Upon releasing her hand, she continued to spin like a top. With Stephen skating around her.

When she stopped spinning, Stephen was several feet away from her. She sped towards him then at the last possible second, she skid under him, grabbing his tail and flipped him into the air, where he did two somersaults and landed perfectly.

He took her hand once more, before starting to swing her around. Near the end of the song, he threw her up in the air, where she did her own flip.

As she came down, Stephen had his hand raised, where she landed perfectly into it, where she posed with her free leg outstretched behind her and her arms extended out.

The crowd that took notice of their performance clapped and awed at them. After a few seconds, Stephen sat Micole down. Seeing the crowd, she hissed at them, skating off.

Eventually the gang joined for lunch in the food court. Darlary sighed as she stared up at the menu.

“Cheap unhealthy food. Only healthy option they have on their menu is the salad.”

“Don’t get that.” Micole commented from their table. “It has roaches in it!”

Leo started to turn green at the comment. Ewww…. Didn’t this place just open?? How did they get roaches in their salads so quickly?

….Oh right. This was hell.

Most likely someone packaged them that way.

So gross.

The smallest imp peered up at Paint.

“Is… Is Micole gonna get anything?”

The pangolin nodded.

“Pizza. She already gave Cynical her money. She said if she stood in line, she might end up stabbing someone.”

Why was his new boss so hostile..?

“O-oh….”

A cry shot out from somewhere else in the arcade and Paint’s head snapped up. He looked to where the impubus was seated earlier… only to see that she was now missing. The pangolin gave a groan.

“Not that it stopped her from stabbing someone somewhere else apparently!” 

“How do you even know that’s her?” Leo asked.

“People make a very specific type of scream when Micole stabs them.”

Another scream pierced through the air. 

“Oooo,” Darby winced. “That sounds like that one is gonna leave a mark. Must’ve gotten them in the jewels.” 

Leo felt his eye twitch. This…cannot be his life….these demons were nuts! Yes, it was hell but there was a limit to shit like this!

“Someone should grab her before she goes overboard and we get kicked out,” Darlary sighed, “Again.”

‘Again,’ Leo let out a soundless laugh, ‘What the fuck was his life?’

“Normally that’s Cyn’s job but she’s closer to the cashier and I don’t want to be at the end of Micole’s knife if her pizza is late,” Paint said. “Stephen?”

“Micole says if I touch or disturb her stabbing again, she’ll use me as her pin cushion for the week,” the gator-demon laughed, “So I’m out!”

“Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!”

“Well somebody better grab out psycho ‘fore the manager gets called out and we’re kicked out. Or worse, the cops and I’m not bailing you all again. Three of you still own me cash from last month’s little ‘incident.’”

“Someone call the cops! Or animal control!” a bleeding demon ran past their tables, knocking others in their path.

Micole was right on their heels, somehow getting two extra knives; one for each hand and one clenched in between her teeth.

“Hell yeah! Micole is letting out her inner Roroan…!”

“Hush! They’re copyrighted! Ya wanna get sued?” 

Leo grinded his teeth back and forth, unwilling watching the madness unfolding in front of him. What the hell was wrong with his new boss?? Couldn’t she just… not do this!? They were trying to have fun at a new place and she was causing trouble!

The impubus continued going after her bleeding prey.

“What’s wrong big boy?? I just wanna pay you back for the slap on the ass you gave me!” 

The incubus yelped and doubled his pace, not that it did him much good as a few more steps sent him crashing into some unfortunate worker who had been carrying several stacks of food filled plates; plates that immediately went flying into the air as a result of the collision. Plates that, you guessed it, ended up landing right on top of Leo and covering him in all sorts of food and sauces from head to toe.

At that moment, Leo finally snapped and his vision went red.

“THAT’S IT!!”

His outburst caused everyone to look at him. He stormed his way over to his new boss, grabbed her tail and pulled her way from the incubus that she was attempting to kill.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?”

She squinted at him.

“What?”

“We are at a new place and you’re gonna get us kicked out!”

“Oh I’m sorry. If you haven’t noticed, I was being sexually harrassed!!”

“That doesn’t mean you go around stabbing every fucker in a five foot radius! Why can’t you be normal??”

She barked out a laugh.

“Normal? Normal??” She gestured to the group. “News Flash, Leo! No one in this group is ‘normal’!”

“You know what I mean!”

“Oh do I?” She stormed over, motioning to each person of their group. “Cynical’s tail is alive. Stephen can bite through steel metal. Paint doesn’t even have a mouth! But noooooo, let’s all be normal. Normal doesn’t exist down here!”

"But that doesn't mean you should treat people like shit!"

"I treat people how they deserve!"

"The first thing you do is stereotype them!" Leo threw his hands up. "Those succubi didnt even look at you! You screwed them over just cuz!!!"

"They were talking shit about me!"

"You can't possibly know that!"

"I have ears!"

Stephen looked down at one small imp. And then at another. Despite his height advantage he felt weirdly small.

"Hey- uh. Hey we should- We should get Cyn." He nervously chuckled to his pangolin companion. "We should get Cyn now.”

Uhh…” Paint pointed towards the snack line that turned into an all-brawl. Cyn could be barely seen through the smoke, dust and swinging fists. “I… think she’s busy at the moment.” 

“Shit.”

"WELL SORRY WE CAN'T ALL BE MORAL AND STUPID!!" Micole's voice got high enough to turn into a hiss. "MAYBE NEXT TIME ANGELS WILL DESCEND FOR A SLAUGHTER WE WILL POINT THEM IN THE DIRECTION TO GET A NEW PAL!"

"...t-technically- technically angels come for sinners-" Paint’s whimpering was interrupted by Stephen shoving a finger to his lips.

"No no no no no, wait, it's actually interesting, I wanna see how it will end."

"IT’S CALLED 'NOT BEING A DICK!'"

"NO, IT'S CALLED "BEING A DOORMAT! STOP JUDGING ME LIKE YOU KNOW ME!"

"Thats not an excuse to be an asshole!"

"Oh fuck off, this is HELL! This is just how it is!!!"

"It doesn't have to be! You can still be nice to others!"

"Well maybe try and be nice to others somewhere else!"

"WELL MAYBE I WOULD!"

"OH YEAH?!"

"YEAH! WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?! YOU ACT LIKE ONE! WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN BITTER?? WHY DO YOU HATE EVERYONE HERE? EVERYONE SEES YOU AS THEIR FRIEND AND I DON’T FUCKING GET IT!! IF YOU HATE US SO MUCH, THEN LEAVE! YOU DON’T LIKE US. WE DON’T LIKE YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGY. HELL!! I BET NOT EVEN YOUR OWN FAMILY LIKES YOU!!!"

Micole froze for half a second and the edge of her mouth twitched a little bit. Everyone in the friend group winced at Leo’s word. 

"Oh, this gotta sting." Stephen noted from his place before taking a bite of a popcorn that had materialized out of nowhere. "Munch!"

Pang only gave him a side eye, half concerned with his friend's usual tomfoolery. 

"...where did you even get that?" 

"You-" Micole's words stopped the alligator before he could even open his mouth. "-...really think that, huh."

It wasn't a question or a ponder. More of a statement, really. The anger in her voice was gone, as was the hiss. She looked much more calm and less hostile now. But there was something in her eyes.

Pain. 

Leo seemingly, was still too heated to notice her sudden shift in behaviour.

"Well, DUH!” He threw his hands up. "Why else would you behave like a barbarian?!"

For the outsider this would seem like nothing about Micole changed.

Meanwhile Paint nervously tapped his claws as he noticed his friend's tail shake. A tiny bit. Barely noticable. But just noticeable enough to tell the whole unsaid story of what was going on beneath girl's perfect unphased mask.

"..."

Leo felt like something wasn't right when Micole didn't even give him an answer for a time twice as long as he had to wait before. She just stared at him. Unblinking. 

It was like the entire room grew multiple degrees colder and the sound of ensuring chaos - including the one that Cynical was causing - was drowned out by... nothing.

"...I-I-" Leo tried to stammer when his fired up confidence disappeared like a thin mist, like it wasnt even there a minute ago. "I m-mean-"

"Don't.” 

Somehow the one word she did said carried more in it than in the entire spat between them they just had.

Stephen tried to step in.

"....guys? I think we maybe should uhhh-..." He looked over both imps indecisively. "... take a chill pill???"

Micole didn't even look at him.

"No need." She just turned on her heels and stormed off. 

Leo could only watch.

By the time she reached the doors of the building to exit, the feeling of guilt was already overwhelming.

...

...he couldn't utter a single word even as he looked at her stepping past the doorframe.

"..."

"..."

"..." Stephen silently looked down at the floor just like his other two friends. And then shoved more popcorn into his mouth. "...munchmucnch"

Leo could only nervously scratch behind his neck.

"...did-" It took effort to not look like a complete mess. He thought he managed it but that was not for him to judge. "...-did I fuck up?"

Paint sighed.

Stephen just did an undetermined shrug.

"...she's a hard person to be around... sometimes..." Pangolin mumbled.

"Things are relative." Stephen pointed over his shoulder at the door Micole left trough. "I am pretty sure she is like that because she had a ... pretty tough life."

"-The worst-" Pang chimed in.

"And well. Hey." The alligator threw the popcorn bucket over to his side, being lucky enough to land right into the trash can. "She treats her friends well enough, and honestly? It's all I can ask of my companions. Like I said - all is relative. Caesar said that, I think."

"...it was Einstein."

"Bless you?"

"I didn't cough- Caesar wasnt even in the same time period-!"

Leo stopped listening to Pang and Stephen about halfway through their bickering, only absorbing their previous words.

Well...

... he seemed to have screwed up.

Cynical went up to him.

“Leo. You don’t know Micole’s past. You don’t know what she’s been through.”

The smallest imp flinched. He really fucked up.

“I… should go apologize to her… shouldn’t I?”

“You should.”

He nodded.

“R-r-r-right.” He turned to the friend group. “I’m… sorry for ruining the group hangout.” 

Darby waved him off.

“Don’t worry about it. Not the first time it’s ended on an argument. Go find Micole. You might find her in the graveyard.”

…Of course that’d be where she’d go. The bispectacled imp nodded, moving to find his new boss. He hoped he catched up to her quickly.

The graveyard was… creepy. As it normally is. But at least it was still light out. Much better than going at night. He scanned through the many tombs. Hoping to stop the grouchy hybrid. He managed to spot a glimpse of brown hair. Then a flash of purple.

It was her!

He made his way over to her. As he got closer, he saw her sitting at a grave stone. Her knees were pulled up to her chin. Her arms and tail wrapped tightly around them.

“....He’s right.”

He froze.

Was… was she… talking to him?

“He’s right, George. No one likes me. No one in our family likes me. Not even you. …I know you’d say that he’s wrong. You do like me… but we both know that’s a lie.”

Who was George? A relative?

“Our own parents didn’t like me. Not like they did you. You were always the Golden boy. Their precious perfect son… and I was their disgrace of a daughter.” She gave a bitter scoff. “Even in death, I can’t get out of your stupid shadow….”

Oh she… she was talking to her dead brother…

Guilt started to twist in his stomach. He didn’t know she lost her brother… actually… He didn’t know a lot about her. Granted they had just started working together… Maybe he was a little too harsh at the rink…

“....I know you said you knew nothing about their plan. ….but sometimes I don’t know if you were telling the truth or not. You were always a jerk.”

Plan? What plan? …Maybe he better make himself known before he learned something that he shouldn’t.

“M-M-Micole?” 

Her eyes widened as she heard the sudden voice disturb the grim yet silent atmosphere of the graveyard, brandishing a knife ready to throw it at the noise's general direction.  

“Gah! Wait no it's me just Leo!” He said with a panic in his voice, waving his arms around while backing away squinting in fear. “I-I-I just came to a-apologize!”

She squinted at him, but lowered her knife.

“Apolgoize?”

He swallowed, nodding.

“Y-yeah…”

“What for?”

“For… what I said at the… r-rink. I… I was outta line… I’m… I’m s-sorry…”

She stared at him, then turned away, giving a small shrug as she stared at the grave before her.

“Nah. I am a bitch. I always am. Don’t waste your breath on apologizing.”

He blinked at her.

“Wh-what? But I hurt your-”

She waved him off.

“I hurt everyone else’s feelings, so it’s only fair. Don’t sweat it.”

He wasn’t so sure.  But he didn’t want to get into another argument with her. He glanced over at the grave she was sitting at. He sat down next to her.

“So…. this a relative of yours?”

She nodded. 

“My brother.”

“Oh I’m… I-I’m so s-sorry for your loss…”

She gave another shrug.

“He wasn’t that great. He was an asshole.” 

“O-oh…. so… you two weren’t…?”

“We still talked, we gave birthday gifts and Sinsmas gifts but he was my parents favorite. I was their disappointment.”

He winced. Oh… that… must’ve been a horrible feeling.

“Misogynistic?”

She shook her head.

“No. When you hear I’m from Lust, what’s your first thought? Be honest.”

He blushed.

“Y-you won’t be mad?”

“No. I know what the answer is. Go ahead.”

“I…I… S-sex. You’d… be sexual.”

“Yeah… I’m not.”

He blinked at her, tilting her head. What could she mean? 

“You’re… not?”

“I’m sex-repulsed. So… yeah. A Sex-repulsed Lustian? It… was a big controversy in my home-Ring.” 

“O-Oh! Well… now I feel like kind of a jerk for assuming.” 

“Ah, you live and you learn, long as you do you’re fine.” Micole said with a shrug.

“What uh…what was that plan you were-”

“Don’t.”

“Wha-”

“I don’t like talking about it. Learning about that shit is a privilege you gotta earn and that crap you said at the arcade means that you’re a long way from earning it now.”

Ah. Okay that was… fair. Still, he felt bad and needed to make it up to her in some way. He shifted anxiously. 

“...C-Can I…”

She glanced at him.

He swallowed.

“C-cook you a meal? As… A-as an  apology?”

She squinted at him. Unsure to really trust him or not.

“You’re not gonna poison me are ya?”

He balked.

“No! No! Just-! I-I’m trying to make amends! N-n-no poisoning!”

She hummed.

“....Fine. But nothing with lettuce. I’m allergic to lettuce.” She stood up, moving to touch the gravestone for a moment. “Thanks for listening to me George. One of these days I’m gonna see your ugly mug again. If you finally become a ghost and haunt me, you better make a sick ass ghost intro or you’re dead to me.”

She chuckled at her own joke. Leo watched as she started to head towards the entrance. He glanced back at her brother's grave. He went over, lightly putting his hand on it. 

“I know I never met you, but I promise I'll watch over her for you. Even if she's super creepy.” 

“Leo are ya coming???” 

He jumped. 

“Y-yeah! I'm coming!” He rushed over towards her. “S-s-so, ya ever had monkfish?”

It… was a rocky start. Leo knew that. Micole definitely had issues. But if he was going to keep working for her, he better get used to her… eccentricness. Though from what he knew so far… she was a better boss than Vox was. She actually paid him a livable wage.

Who knows? 

Maybe down the road, they could be friends.

Hopefully.