Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

A shaky breath escaped his lips — he could feel his heart rate picking up. Why did he think this was a good idea?

He gazed down at his dessert for a minute, a lightly sweetened cheesecake flavoured with chocolate and espresso. It was a big improvement on the TVA cafeteria’s previous offerings; if he never ate one of the bizarre jelly salads studded with fruit and vegetables again it would be too soon. 

Running a finger around the edge of the smooth white plate, he slumped down, placing an elbow on the table and supporting his head in his hand, fingers gripping his forehead. 

He’d hoped his inattention would deter the source of his distress from approaching, but no such luck. 

“Hello — may I speak with you?”

The voice was friendly, but artificially so, like someone reading from a telemarketing script. It sounded a bit like her though, a bit – enough to unsettle him. 

Loki didn’t look up right away. He blinked his eyes; they were red, he knew they were. He just hoped he could get through this short interaction without the tears starting to fall. 

Nervously circling his finger on the table in front of him, he responded, “Yes… of course.”

He lifted his head at last to look at the woman standing a few feet away, and tried to smile casually. 

It was Sylvie — staring back at him — that’s what his brain wanted to tell him. 

It wasn’t her though. 

Oh, she had probably been taken from the same timeline as Sylvie, sooner or later than her they didn’t know. It was even possible she’d been plucked from the same moment for the same reason, and just – never escaped.

But she didn’t live the same life, so she couldn’t be the same person. She’d never survived at the ends of a thousand worlds, never plotted to take down the TVA, never….

The woman gave him a curt nod, “I’m X-9.” 

Then she looked down for a moment as if remembering something, “For now, until they find out my real name.” 

Loki pursed his lips, “I would imagine it’ll turn out to be the same as mine — Loki, by the way.” 

In contrast to the comfortable looking TVA tracksuit she wore, X-9’s posture was unnaturally stiff. Her hair was dark and buzzed half an inch from the scalp, just like the others. He didn’t know much about her, but he knew enough to be filled with rage on her behalf. It was like looking at a version of Sylvie that had had all the fire driven out of her, leaving her obedient to a fault. 

She and the others currently filling the cafeteria, wearing matching tracksuits, were victims of secret TVA experiments. Conducted for countless cycles, perhaps since the founding of the TVA. 

When the rebellion had taken over the infamous nightmare department what they found was more of a nightmare than anyone expected. Variants experimented on, then either pruned or reset at the end of each one. That was all he’d been told so far. 

Mobius had warned him that a Loki variant that looked exactly like Sylvie would be here, and advised him not to rush down here for a look, but he hadn’t given it a second thought at the time. He regretted that now.

These people were here to get used to normal life at the TVA. This one, X-9, seemed well adjusted, but then again, looks could be deceptive. There was definitely something off about her behaviour. 

“I hope you don’t mind me coming over here. They told me my presence might be upsetting to you,” she stated matter-of-factly, “but you were staring at me.”

Loki turned his head away, wiped a tear out of his eye as it fell, then turned back, “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”, he took a breath and exhaled, “It was rude of me.” 

X-9 just nodded, “I understand, they're teaching us the proper way to interact in this department. It’s quite different from what I was taught.” She looked him over carefully, as if she was trying to understand his demeanour. “If it’s not forbidden, you may look at me if you wish.” 

Loki swallowed loudly, he didn’t really know what to say to that. He was saved from having to respond by the social worker, calling her back to the group. 

“I have to go now — am I correct that you do not wish to speak to me in the future?” She inquired. 

Loki was taken aback, she’d asked it like she was asking to pass the salt. “No, it’s not you, um… you just look like someone I know and… things are complicated — right now.” 

“Then perhaps we may speak another time, I…”, her speech faltered.

It was the first time he caught a glimpse of something that looked like a genuine emotion in her.

“I don’t mind… you looking, I mean” she said quickly, then her momentary emotional shift vanished and she curtly nodded again, “I will leave you to your meal.” Then she turned and walked back to her group. 

Loki watched her go for a couple seconds before staring back down at his dessert. Deciding to take a bite at last, he let it melt on his tongue as he tried to make sense of it all. 

“I knew I’d find you here, can’t tell you anything.” 

Mobius slid into the chair across from him with a tray of food. He set down the stack of files he carried with him off to one side. 

Loki took in a shaky breath, “I didn’t want to wait until I randomly bumped into her in the hallway. I live here now.” 

Mobius took a small sip of his coffee, “Rip the band-aid off? Yeah, I get that.” 

“It’s not her,” Loki avoided looking Mobius in the eye. 

Mobius set the coffee down. Pouring in a packet of sugar he replied softly, “No, it’s not… looks a lot different too. Though a buzzcut will do that.” 

“She still looks like Sylvie to me, but… she talks differently, she acts differently, I… I needed to see that — for myself.” 

Mobius sat back and regarded Loki’s pained expression, “You know, we do have access to all of time and space, you can still go see her.”

Loki clenched his jaw as a flash of anger rushed through him, but he let it pass before responding. Mobius was only trying to help. “I can’t do that to her. She’s happy, she's safe, she’s with… me. Close enough to me, anyway.” 

And she was. 

He remembered the words he spoke — to himself — that fateful day. 

Hello

This is going to sound strange 

I’m being pulled through time 

He wasn’t sure exactly how it happened, but painfully, uncontrollably, he was wrenched from one time — one timeline — to another.

At one point he walked back upon his own path, looked himself in the eye, and split himself in two. Created a new timeline, a new future for his other self.

That Loki (the lucky one), had found Sylvie, had defeated the variants of He Who Remains, had settled in with her in a comfortable Midgardian suburb. 

That Loki had found him when he was pulled into their timeline, landing unceremoniously on the floor of their attic space. He’d stayed there, cheek pressed against the plywood floor of the attic, distraught.

The other Loki had to lift him off the floor when he found himself unable (unwilling?) to move. 

He and Sylvie had brought him here, where the liberated TVA was building a new society for those with no other place to go. 

The perfect place for him. 

Mobius leaned back and crossed his arms, “It doesn’t look ‘close enough’ from here. Look — I know you tell yourself you just want her to be happy, but you matter too. All you have to do is show up at that restaurant before your variant gets there and-”

Loki responded a bit more angrily than he’d intended, “-and split her, like I did me? Make another version of her, just for myself? A version that might not end up with me anyway, that might not be ok,” Loki shook his head. “I won’t do that.”

Mobius sighed, he hated to see his friend this way. “In that case it might be time to start thinking about your next step.” He gestured around the room, “That’s what we’re all doing here anyway.” 

Loki lifted his eyes to gaze at X-9 on the other side of the cafeteria without really thinking about it.

Mobius looked over his shoulder briefly to confirm his suspicions, “I know I’m not an expert, but I’m not sure going after that one right now is the best idea.” 

Loki averted his eyes down to the table, “What makes you think I’d try?”

Mobius smiled a bit sadly, “Just a hunch, but either way, be careful. You’re going to need to grieve your loss, and she… well, we don’t even know the extent of what she’s been through.”

Loki considered Mobius’ advice for a moment. He’d come down here to see the variant, yes. But not because he saw her as someone who could replace Sylvie, just because she looked like her, just because she shared some small portion of Sylvie’s life, how could he? Sylvie was unique. 

He decided then that avoidance was not going to work. The less he knew about her the more he could pretend she was Sylvie and it wasn’t fair to either of them. The more he knew the easier it would be to separate them in his mind. 

He gestured to the folders Mobius had brought with him, “What do we know?” 

Mobius lifted a couple of the folders beside him and slid one out of the stack, handing it to Loki. “This is X-9’s file, what we could find of it anyway.”

Taking it, he set it on the table beside his plate and opened it. The first page contained X-9’s variant profile. 

Variant ID : L-2814

Experiment code : X-9

Variant name : classified
Race : classified
Birthplace : classified 

Times reset : classified 

Current compliance ratio :  [9:10]

“There isn’t much here, Mobius,” he managed to crook a partial smile, “what do I have to do to get clearance around here?” 

Mobius rolled his eyes, “You know as a Loki expert, I have the odious privilege of knowing exactly what you’d be willing to do to get clearance, but fortunately we won’t be needing to go there.” 

He scratched the side of his face, “You’ve got as much clearance as anyone here, but a lot of the documents were purged. They really didn’t want what they were doing there to get out. Considering most of those experiments were likely to do with learning how to better maintain control over the TVA, I can’t say I blame them.”

“I guess I have some reading to do tonight,” he said, closing the folder again. 

Mobius took a bite of his sandwich, “Yeah, wish there were more, but we’re hopeful we can recover some of the files that were purged. Not to mention we captured some of the researchers who survived. Unfortunately, they’re not overly willing to come clean with their misdeeds.”

Loki clenched a fist, “I might know someone who can rip their memories right out of their skulls.”

He didn’t really know X-9, but she still looked like Sylvie, and she had had a horrible life because of the TVA, just like Sylvie. Anger on her behalf seemed appropriate.

And just like that he caught himself. He was supposed to be separating the two of them, and here he was finding reasons they were the same. He’d have to watch that. 

Mobius furrowed his brow, “You seem to be taking this rather personally.” He gave Loki a warning stare, “I’m not sure the extent of their guilt, but don’t start getting all murderous on us. They’ll get a fair trial, unlike every variant the TVA dragged in.” 

“Oh don’t worry, they’ll survive.” He said darkly, but Mobius had a point, he might be taking it too personally. 

Mobius gestured towards him with his partially eaten sandwich, “Yeah, they will, you're not the only one with that particular skill. This isn’t all on you.”

Unclenching his fist, Loki calmed himself, “I assume you’ll get her to interrogate them?” He tried to avoid saying her name when he could — kept any meetings between the two of them brief. Not that she was usually alone. 

He knew they asked about him often. They knew that his actions (his blundering about) had made their reunion possible. Their sympathy was appreciated, but there wasn’t really anything they could do for him. He’d have to figure this out on his own. 

Mobius dug into his jellied salad, it wobbled slightly as he removed a spoonful, “She’s still the best we got, though I bet you’ll be giving her a run for her money with all the memories you’ve helped restore.”

“I appreciate your confidence, I only wish I shared it.”

“Yeah, well you’ve earned it. Just make sure to take care of yourself. I know how draining it can be.” 

Draining was an understatement. Taking a relatively content TVA worker and exposing them to the life they’d left behind and could never go back to. He never knew how they were going to react, with joy or devastation and everything in between. 

Loki regarded Mobius' meal choice with mild disgust, an off-putting combination, consisting of pieces of canned tuna, cucumbers and olives (stuffed with pimento) all suspended in an unappealing mound of lime gelatin. “You do realize there are much more appealing options now. You aren’t required to eat that gastronomic atrocity anymore.”

Mobius chuckled and pointed to himself, “Who do you think got themselves put on the meal committee to make sure this particular classic stayed on the menu.” 

Loki made a face, “In that case I should thank the other members of the committee for sparing us from your questionable taste.”

“I don’t know, how good can that cheesecake be? You seem to be taking your sweet time eating it. “

“I'm not really that hungry.” 

“Oh, well, in that case,” Mobius reached over with an impish grin and swiped a spoonful off of Loki’s plate.” 

“Hey!” 

Loki glared back at Mobius as he pulled his plate out of the agent’s reach. 

Mobius popped the spoon into his mouth and considered its contents, “Hmm, you're right, that is better. I think I’ll nominate you for the meal committee next time.” 

“Glad I could be of service,” he replied glumly, shielding his plate from any more intrusions. 

Mobius took a swig of coffee to wash down the cheesecake before working on his sandwich again, “I’ve got a couple more people wanting their memories restored but I think you have enough of a backlog to work through.” 

Loki had managed to get a third of his cheesecake down, not willing to give up the rest, though he knew Mobius was just trying to goad him into eating it, “I’m going to do another one tomorrow — maybe two — the last one was… difficult.” 

Mobius nodded, “I know, I talked to V-32, Maria now I guess. She’s doing a lot better, just the initial shock of it all.”

Loki gazed out the window at the vast cityscape of the TVA lost in thought. 

“You should talk to her — not fair that you get all the crap and none of the relief of having an actual past,” Mobius said, polishing off the last bite of his sandwich. 

“Maybe I will,” he’d think about it at least. 

Mobius drained his coffee and stood up, picking up his partially empty tray and remaining stack of files, “Hey, if you have some free time tomorrow I have something to show you. I think you’ll like it.” 

“I don’t plan on having an overly full schedule, I’m sure I can make time.” 

“Great, see you then,” Mobius said, about to walk off, before Loki stopped him with an upraised finger. 

“Aren’t you going to finish that?” He pointed to the half eaten glob of jelly salad still on his tray. 

Mobius looked down at his tray, “Nah, you want it? I think your cheesecake ruined it for me.” 

Loki shuddered, “I’ll pass, thank you.” 

As soon as Loki got back to his room, he threw the folder down on the coffee table and flopped down on the couch. 

Deciding he wasn’t ready to subject himself to whatever harsh reality it held, no matter how redacted, he picked up a page from the stack beside it.

Though he was improving his enchanting skills substantially, he only did a few at a time. For every variant who was happy to remember their loved ones there were those who’d wished they could forget again. Unable to ever go back, nowhere to go, they came back broken. 

Like him. 

Still, those that were glad to have their memories back made him feel like he was doing something useful. 

He flipped through the top few pages, Researcher G-32, Minuteman Z-67, he stopped at the next page. 

Request for memory restoration : Hunter S-40

Loki huffed out a laugh in surprise, that one would be interesting. 

This particularly large, and rather handsome, hunter had emphatically told him over drinks that he’d never let him probe his brain with his freaky mind powers. 

S-40 had asked him out a few cycles after he’d been medically cleared for duty, and he’d agreed, thinking it'd be a nice distraction. 

Though nothing more had come of it, it had been a very distracting evening indeed — and maybe that’s just what he needed right now, too. 

He made his way to the shower, removing his clothes and haphazardly dropping them on the floor as he went. 

Usually he found the restriction on his magic irksome, especially for the more mundane tasks like managing his attire. Right now, though, making a deliberate mess of his clothing seemed satisfying. Mess on the inside, mess on the out. 

Letting warm water rush over his face, he filled his mind with images of that night. 

Stumbling back to S-40’s room, with a few too many drinks in them, fumbling with buttons, lowering zippers. 

Loki took himself in hand and braced himself against the wall of the shower with one arm. He leaned over, diverting most of the water over his back. 

He stroked himself in a gentle motion, relishing the waves of pleasure that washed over him.

Now he was getting somewhere. Erotic images came easily to his mind. 

Unfortunately, the despair kept cutting in as well, threatening to steal away his climax and it’s much needed rush of endorphins. 

The memory of soft skin against his lips was mixed with the recollection of the rough wood of Sylvie's attic, splinters cutting into the side of his face. It was bad enough he’d landed there — though their help had ultimately freed him from the time jumps — but when he’d landed there, haunted him.

His erection started to fail him as it partially softened in his hand. 

Refocusing on his last night of ecstasy, the sound of the hunter’s moans, a rush of blood had him hard again. He thrust fast into his hand, hoping to finish while he was able. 

Frustratingly, his mind wandered again.

This time it was Sylvie’s moans he was hearing, mixed with the rhythmic squeaking of a metal bed frame in the room below. His own voice echoing up through the floor, panting and repeating her name like a prayer. 

It was so much like so many of his dreams he initially didn’t believe it was real; still recovering from the disorientation of the time jump.

It frequently popped into his mind unwanted now, bringing a confusing arousal.

Most of the time he did his best to push it away, but at the moment it had him nearing release, as he whined in pleasure and longing. 

So he gave into it, let it push him higher. Pretend for a moment it was him in her bed, firm erection buried inside her inviting walls, moving as she sighed in satisfaction, nose nuzzling her face as he whispered grateful affections.

He’d have to deal with the emotional fallout after, he knew.

Giving himself a few more smooth strokes, he came in his hand, standing up straight to let the water wash him off as his orgasm relaxed all the tension in his body.

The sense of euphoria was short lived, but it did finally break the dam of his sorrow and he let the tears flow freely. 

Turning off the water he slid to sit on the floor of the shower, dropping his head, he sobbed into his knees, exhausted.

This had to be the last time, he told himself. 

Tomorrow, a fresh start. 

Chapter Text

A chill running over Loki’s partially exposed body, stirred him from slumber. 

Somehow he’d manage to pull himself together enough the night before to drag himself to bed before he passed out. One morning waking up on the floor of the shower had been more than enough. 

He moaned groggily and turned over on his back, attempting to extract himself from the sheet that was tightly twisted around one leg. 

Since he was still dripping wet when he’d flopped into bed (having not bothered toweling off) the sheet had clung to him stubbornly, and he had been in no mood to fight with it. 

For now he kicked his foot out to free his leg and pull the sheet over his body.

Most of the water had been absorbed by the bedsheets and his pillow, leaving everything damp; it made him feel like he was drenched in sweat.  

At least he had gotten some good sleep, and without any dreams (not that he remembered anyway). 

He stretched out and felt his body relax for once, enjoying the feeling in his muscles. 

It was something of a good start, but this was the time of the day he usually filled his mind with memories of Sylvie: the first time he laid eyes on her, the first time they talked, fought, and touched. Even the way her breath had felt on his face when she tried to enchant him for the first time. 

By the time the end of each day would come he’d have gone over every second of their time together, from the Roxxcart to the feeling of her hand on his chest before she sent him away, in meticulous detail. 

It comforted him, despite the fact that she’d never be with him in that way he wanted, and the pain that came with it was almost unbearable.

Now, he forced his mind away from those memories, immediately feeling an empty pit begin to form in his stomach, entirely replacing the sense of peace that filled him on awakening. 

It felt like death.

Unlike all his previous ‘deaths’ he didn’t know how to come back from this one. Sylvie had changed him irrevocably; he didn’t know how to exist without her anymore — but he knew he had to try. 

Just get through one day.

Getting up and sitting on the side of his bed he ran his fingers through his damp and tangled hair, pulling through a few knots that had formed. He winced as he pulled harder, forcefully combing through the knotted strands, not caring about the discomfort. 

Hair reasonably detangled, he stared at the walls for a moment, wallpapered with gold and green stripes. Despite these being among his favourite colours, the shade the TVA had chosen (an olive looking green and dark gold) were less than appealing. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been so bad if it wasn’t studded every so often with bright orange circles, likely intended to subtly remind the TVA workers of the ever present watch of their former clock-faced overseer. 

Many others had already taken steps to remove these small signs of oppression from their private spaces, but he hadn’t really taken notice up to this point, too focused on his romantic predicament to care about redecorating. 

Throwing on a pair of track shorts, he made his way out of his room, vaguely noticing the wet trail he’d left across the orange shag carpet the night before.

He made himself a cup of coffee and grabbed a plain bagel he’d stashed away earlier to avoid having to go to the cafeteria for breakfast. Sitting down on his couch and taking a couple bites of the slightly stale bagel, he wished he’d remembered to grab something to put on it. He wasn’t usually one for sweets, but now he found himself craving something, anything, that could boost his mood. 

Settling for some packets of sugar he’d stashed in a cup by the coffee maker he threw them down on the table in front of the couch and added them to his coffee, one at a time, until he had something so sweet he would normally consider it undrinkable. 

He worked his way through the bagel a few small bites at a time, washing them down with sips of sickly sweet coffee. It didn’t make him feel much better but it stopped him from contemplating going back to bed. 

The folder containing X-9’s file was no more appealing than it had been the night before. He figured it could wait until he’d had a chance to adjust to his new circumstances. No need to add to his misery for the time being. 

It took him forever to get dressed, every motion seeming to take enormous effort. When finally he’d made himself marginally presentable he just sat on the couch and closed his eyes until his tempad dinged at him. 

Analyst V-32 (Maria Hill) : Looks like I’m managing the memory restorations for a while, D-47 had to take leave early. 

> I’ll meet you for first-shift. 

> No hard feelings. 

Wonderful.

You weren’t supposed to hold someone’s actions on the timeline against them when you got your memories back, they were all here for a fresh start. What you were supposed to do wasn’t always so easy when you got your memory back and you were face to face with someone who had killed a bunch of your friends and coworkers. 

He really didn’t blame her for being upset, it happened. It’s not like he’d entirely been able to forgive himself for how things went on earth, even if the mind stone had been driving his mania. 

She must have gotten over the shock fairly quickly if she’d chosen to work with two of her former enemies. 

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, he couldn’t really imagine anything worse than what he was feeling at the moment. He sent her a message in reply. 

Magical Analyst Loki Odinson : No need to mention it, I shall see you then. 

The ‘Magical Analyst’ title had been the other Loki’s idea. He was using Laufeyson, so at least their surnames were differentiated. 

A clicking sound and a thunk let him know that a pneumatic tube canister had arrived at the receiving station in his room. Analyst Hill had sent over the paperwork for the next memory restoration – S-40 it turned out – and a restoration report from one of his co-workers, Sylvie specifically. 

She had applied a technique he’d come up with, successfully cutting down on the rate of memories that surfaced in a few individuals. The report contained a few different strategies for him to try, all typed up in official language. 

Coming to the bottom his eyes paused on a note, hand written in pencil. 

Thanks for your help, it made a big difference, 

Sylvie

He ran his finger over the message. At the end of her name was the indentation of a couple hearts as if they had been drawn and erased and drawn and erased. 

Their situation isn’t what any of them wanted, but it was , what was . So he pushed out the longing the message stirred up, and let the gnawing emptiness rush in again. He needed to figure out how to be alright without her, so she would stop worrying about him. 

Time to get started. 

About to exit through the door, he stopped, having noticed a minor tear in the wallpaper he so detested. He picked at it thoughtlessly for a second, then spitefully tore off the largest section he could, dropping it to the floor behind him, setting off to start the day and slog through his misery. 

It was night.

The stars shone brightly above the tiny secluded island on Vanaheim. It was the place he came to most often for memory restorations, since he couldn’t use his magic in the TVA. It was peaceful, with no people around and they weren’t likely to create any branches. Though it wasn’t a strict policy, they tried to avoid intentionally creating branches when they could, not knowing all the consequences that could happen with each one. 

“They didn’t make me a hunter for being a pushover, this’ll be a piece ‘o cake. I’ll drag you out to celebrate after.” 

Loki sighed. S-40 was overconfident as always, he really hoped it was warranted in this case. He didn’t feel like doing any sort of celebrating, but then he didn’t feel like doing anything at all. 

“If you insist, this shouldn’t take long. You should plan to take at least a full 30 day cycle away from your duties to adjust.” 

“A full cycle for vacation? Pretty sweet deal we got going on now huh.” 

“By comparison, yes , you have a point,” Loki gestured for S-40 to sit in the grass so he wouldn’t have far to drop if he passed out. He knelt behind him and brought his fingers to his temples. 

“Ready?” 

“You don’t have to do any more convincing, just get on with it.” 

“As you wish,” Loki’s fingertips glowed as he placed them on S-40’s temples and entered his mind. 

He had learned early on to visualize the TVA memory suppression as a giant dam holding back a reservoir of memories. If he could weaken it in just the right spot, the memories would flow out in a trickle. Hopefully, the memories were good ones that would overshadow the inevitable bad ones. Most TVA workers had been reset at least a couple times, and there was no telling what those memories held. 

It wasn’t always easy though. Push through in the wrong spot and the entire wall would collapse, and all the memories would flood out at once in an overwhelming wave. 

He approached the vast wall in the hunter’s mind and flicked it twice with his mental finger to test its weaknesses. Finding a promising spot he applied a short surge as if his fist was hitting the concrete. 

A crack began to appear and work its way up as a stream of memories poured out like water.  

Placing a hand underneath, he smiled. A memory of S-40 playing ball with a younger brother emerged out of the spray. 

Just a fraction wider and S-40 would remember more and more as the days went by. He needed to be careful at this point, but it wasn’t entirely within his control. 

Unfortunately, the next jolt he applied caused the crack to branch out, he braced himself as the memories rushed over him. The entire wall didn’t give way but the rate of flow was less than ideal and what emerged was sure to be difficult for S-40.

He saw S-40 with his younger brother (a teen now), buying food from a vendor at a sporting event. As S-40 turned to hand his brother a meal container he saw a look of horror frozen on his brother’s face as his body was consumed in a crackling wave of energy. A moment later, S-40 had been slapped in a time collar and dragged before a judge. 

That was expected, all variants had to face the trauma of their initial capture at some point. 

What spilled out next, however, would be more difficult to process. Hunters were often stuck doing the dirty work, and it was easy enough for the TVA to reset a hunter who’d accumulated too much trauma or who disobeyed orders. 

Remembering his brother being pruned needlessly in front of him, and then also remembering all the times he had done the same to others was going to be a hard truth for S-40 to face. 

Loki removed his hands from his head and supported him as he came around.

Loki helped S-40 walk through the time door as he asked a series of questions which the lethargic S-40 only answered with short muffled grunts and the occasional yes or no. 

Analyst Hill was there to greet them and assess S-40’s condition, which in this case prompted her to call for a medical assessment transfer.  

Loki laid S-40 down on a cot, and patted his shoulder to comfort him, “I’ll buy you a drink when you’re feeling better.” 

S-40 just stared blankly at the ceiling while Loki slumped down at his desk nearby.

Beginning his report, Loki decided he’d had enough of other people’s problems for one day. 

Loki entered the time-cell through the red glowing door. The technology that has once been used to force variants to re-live horrible memories over and over, were, in the hands of the rebellion, being rehabilitated as sources of education, entertainment, and therapy. 

He was currently concerned with the last two, though he wasn’t sure how much entertainment he could handle with the current weight in his gut. 

What he was really interested in, was to get the ever-living shit kicked out of him; a bit of pain and adrenaline to salve his aching heart.

“Surrender and turn yourself in, no-one needs to get hurt.”

Loki couldn’t remember exactly what he had done to get Steve Rogers to chase him into this dead end alleyway. He did remember that he’d played the role of both victim and perpetrator expertly enough to get a rise out of the good captain.

It really wasn’t the sort of rise he’d been hoping for when he’d disguised himself as a backup dancer on the Cap’s USO tour in 1943, but it had been fun nonetheless. A small consolation for his romantic failure where Steve Rogers was concerned. That and the fact he’d managed to seduce half the other dancers, not to mention no shortage of willing (if often disappointing) GIs, but he certainly wouldn’t have hung around Midgard for that reason alone. 

“Hmm, no, not after I went through all the trouble to get you here,” Loki repeated the words he’d goaded Steve with all those years ago. He looked very nice in his military uniform, but Loki much preferred the ridiculous Captain America suit they stuffed him into for the USO tour. Beggars couldn’t be choosers, however, so he raised his fists, indicating he was looking for a fight. 

“I wish I didn’t have to do this,” Steve said as he threw a punch. Much to his surprise, Loki caught his fist in his hand and returned a punch to the gut that staggered him backwards; not enough to hurt him, but enough to prompt the more vigorous response Loki was looking for. 

Loki took a punch to the jaw, the stomach, was slammed up against the wall a couple times, and landed on the ground too many times to count. He fought back occasionally, just to keep the fight going, but in hindsight, this memory was not the best choice. 

It had been fun at the time, but he didn’t feel that way now, and the hits he took from the virtuously cautious Steve Rogers weren’t hard enough to provide any relief from his emotional pain.

He raised his hands and dropped to his knees to stop the fight. 

“Interesting choice.” 

Loki looked up to see that Mobius now stood in Steve Rogers’ place. 

“Just blowing off steam.”

Mobius held out a hand to help him up, “Yeah, well, if you're done, I might have something a bit more relaxing.” 

Mobius opened a second glowing red door as soon as they exited the first, and motioned Loki through. 

The first step Loki took through the door echoed up from below as his foot contacted the wooden boards of a small dock. 

The second step he took made him realize he was very close to the end of that very small dock. He threw out his hands to steady himself and shifted his weight back on his heels to avoid falling into the water. 

Mobius appeared behind him, and having a shorter stride and knowing what to expect, did not come close to falling in. 

“So what do you think?” 

Loki took a moment to look out across the water of the small lake surrounded by trees. The dock they were standing on was the only sign of civilization he could see except for an upturned aluminum boat someone had partially dragged into the trees on the opposite shore. He turned around to see Mobius throwing his leg over the seat of a personal watercraft that was tied up to the side of the dock. 

“I should have known,” Loki said fondly. It lifted his spirits a bit to see his friend so happy, “Is this one of your memories?” He hadn’t heard that Mobius had had any memories restored but maybe he’d gone ahead to surprise him?

Mobius grinned, “I’m afraid not, but F-81 was nice enough to let me use one of his. It’s no Jet Ski, but it’ll do for now.” 

“It looks like a jet ski to me,” Loki stated with confusion.

Mobius shook his head in disbelief, “How many times did you read my magazine, and you’re telling me this is a Jet Ski?”

Loki shrugged, “Well I mostly just looked at the pictures.” 

“ Still,” Mobius threw out his hand, “come on ,” he pointed to the logo on the side of the craft. “What does that say?” 

“Sea- doo ,” Loki humoured him with a sigh. 

“ There you go,” Mobius said, slapping his hand across his leg for emphasis. 

“What’s the difference?” Loki asked sceptically. 

Mobius scoffed at that, “What’s the difference? If you’d actually read any of that magazine you’d know what’s the difference.” 

Loki narrowed his eyes, “Wouldn’t you need to read about this one as well for comparison?” 

Waving him off dismissively, Mobius checked over the controls, “Yeah… well… just, never-you-mind. You stick to magic, I’ll be the expert in this.” 

Loki smirked at that, “In that case, can you show me how it works?” 

Mobius inhaled through his teeth, “Uh, yeah — just one problem,” he turned the key, trying to get the engine to turn over, but it just sputtered a couple times and stopped. “F-81 couldn’t remember any of the times he actually had it running,” He chuckled and looked over with a glint in his eye. 

Loki ran his hand over his forehead as he found himself laughing in spite of his low-spirits. 

Mobius stood up and stepped back onto the dock, “Sure is fun to sit on though,” he said grinning. “Go on, try it,” he motioned for Loki to get on as he dragged a couple lawn chairs and a cooler closer to the end of the dock and sat down. 

“Perhaps I could assist F-81 in recovering a memory that isn’t quite so nautically disappointing,” Loki placed a hand on one of the handle bars, before swinging a leg over the seat. He smiled thoughtfully, “ or perhaps we could find out if you had any better luck with yours?” 

Picking a can of Josta out of the cooler, Mobius threw it over to Loki who caught it easily. 

“Uh, yeah, that’s an option I guess,” he said evasively. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes listening to the subtle sounds of nature around them before Loki questioned, “Do you think you’ll ever want to know? If you had a family?” 

Mobius looked out at the still water, reflecting the trees and the sky like glass. 

“I already know,” he picked up a small flat stone from a pile beside his lawn chair and attempted to skip it across the water. He managed to get a small hop out of the throw before it fell into the lake with a plunk, sending ripples out in all directions. 

“I had a family, two kids — no four — we all lived somewhere, by the water… not here, more people around,” he snapped his fingers, “by the ocean.”

Taking another rock and standing up this time, he focused on his throw. Four circular ripples formed, starting about a foot apart, as the stone skipped along the surface and then fell below it. The circles met and bounced off of each other forming a pattern on the water. 

“My Dad taught me how to throw, when I was seven, maybe eight, and I taught that to my kids,” he said, earnestly. 

He looked back at Loki with a fond expression, “My wife and I, we got married young and stupid… or maybe not-so-young and stupid, but we got by somehow.” He sat back down in his chair as the haunting call of a loon echoed over the still water. 

Loki gave him a sad smile, “Do you believe any of that is true?” He asked softly. 

“Yeah,” Mobius said wistfully, then shrugged, “but I’m afraid it’s not.” 

He picked another can of Josta out of the cooler, “So, I choose to believe it… and maybe someday… I’ll come across my files, maybe a picture of one of my kids, and I’ll remember. I’ll remember a little bit of the good times. “

Loki let the humid summer air relax his muscles, “Like riding your Jet Ski?” 

Mobius laughed, “Yeah, boy, my kids loved to ride too. Sailing along the water, hoping waves, roar of the engine. Good memories.” 

Loki looked down at the water as the dark form of a fish swam out from under the dock. That was one way of dealing with it, build memories of your own. Mobius as much as anybody knew how it really ended. Family or no, the TVA always showed up — and sometimes the agents weren’t so nice. They didn't all go to the lengths Mobius had to make the variants feel comfortable. 

Mobius took a sip of his drink and sat back, gazing at the black and white spotted loon that had emerged again after a minute below the water. He put his hand over the top of the can and then pointed with the same hand out over the water, “I bet you anything that I can get that bird over there to talk to me.” 

“More bird noises? Is this another childhood passion you’ve discovered?” 

“It’s a trick F-81 showed me. I’m a real natural, listen.” 

Cupping a hand around his mouth Mobius had Loki cringing as he made a bewildering sequence of sounds in the back of his throat, intending (but failing completely) to mimic the loon’s beautiful cry. 

Loki raised his eyebrows, “I admire the attempt, but you can’t actually believe that bizarre vocalization was in any way similar to that of-“

He paused as Mobius raised a finger and then held it to his ear. To Loki’s amusement the loon did indeed respond with a call of its own. 

“It was going to do that anyway,” Loki replied, dubiously. 

“Maybe.” 

Mobius then made an even more abysmal approximation of the song, and the loon dutifully responded. 

“Want to give it a shot?” 

Loki shook his head in disbelief, “If I had my magic, I could transform myself into one of those birds and it could tell me just how much it’s laughing at you now,” he smirked, lifted his can in a mock toast and took a swig.

“There’s a good chance you’d be right about that,” Mobius chuckled, raised his can in response, then took another drink. 

After another minute, Loki lowered his head sadly, “I don’t blame you — for not wanting to know.” He flicked the tab on the can in his hand a couple times, “I certainly have more than a few things I wish I could forget.” 

Mobius replied wistfully, “ Me too, pal, me too,” 

After exiting the time-theater, a bit more at ease than before, Loki was making his way towards the cafeteria when he saw X-9 walking towards him down the hall. 

When she saw him, she stopped and held still, seeming to be waiting for him to approach. 

Thinking this might be an opportunity to make a better impression, he moved quickly and offered his hand in greeting, “I wanted to apologize for my behaviour the other day, perhaps we can start again?” 

Now that he was closer he could see a change in her. The way she held herself, slightly shaking and darting her eyes around nervously; she flicked them down to his extended hand but made no move to take it. 

He closed his hand and pulled it back as she looked up at him.

“You want to shake my hand,” she said as if remembering something she had only learned recently. 

“Um… yes, but ,” he began to wish he’d at least glanced at her file so he didn’t end up making an ass of himself, “you don’t have to have to shake my hand if you don’t want to, is something wrong?” 

“Do you mean with me?” She said, straightening her posture.

“ Not… specifically-“ he pursed his lips, this wasn’t going much better than the first time, “you just seem,” he searched for the words, distressed? Anxious? 

“Upset.” 

She didn’t look him in the eye now, “Do I appear that way to you?” 

“Maybe — a bit,” he replied cautiously. 

“I-“ she paused, turning her face away from him. “I should shake your hand,” she said finally, turning back and holding her hand out. 

He furrowed his brow in confusion but held out his hand. Sensing her hesitation, he let her come the final distance. 

She trembled as she made tentative contact, wincing and closing her eyes, almost appearing to be in pain. It made Loki try to pull back, concerned he had done something to hurt her, but she gripped him and held him in place. 

He watched her warily. She was clearly having extreme difficulty with this simple action and he was kicking himself now for not learning more before running up to her. She had seemed so unnervingly assertive on their first meeting he hadn’t considered responding in kind would be a problem. 

Her face began to relax as she continued to grip his hand but her eyes stayed closed. 

When it seemed like she had no intention of letting him go for the time being he inquired, “Where are you headed?” 

Opening her eyes she realized she was still holding his hand and let go abruptly, “I’m supposed to be in training room Blue-5J… I-I took a walk, and-“ she looked at the empty wall and then back behind her, “I’m not sure how to get back.” 

Something in the way she said it made Loki suspect she was lying about that, but he didn’t press her on it. 

“I can show you the way if you’d like?” He raised his hand to guide her in the proper direction, but she flinched back from it as he drew too close. 

She stepped away a couple feet but didn’t move any further, “Yes — thank you.” 

Making sure to stay at a distance she was comfortable with, he showed her the way back to her group in silence, not wanting to say the wrong thing and add to her distress. 

They paused at the door, “This is where I am supposed to be?” She said, not looking at all eager to go inside. 

“I believe so,” he responded.

On the wall beside the door to the training room a propaganda sign picturing the three time-keepers had not yet been taken down. 

She looked over at it, lip quivering as she held out her hand to him again. When he reached out to meet it she just barely grasped his finger tips and spoke with genuine anguish in her voice, “They took my whole life from me — for nothing .” 

It dawned on him then, that they had only just now told them the full truth about the time-keepers and their origins. She had said she knew she had a real name but they must have told them only bits and pieces to see how they’d react. It had been a shocking enough revelation for him. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like for someone who’s entire life revolved around them, even more so than the regular workers at the TVA. 

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say, inadequate as it was. She nodded, pulling her hand away, then went through the door quietly. 

As soon as it clicked closed behind her, his fingers gripped the top of the sign. Tearing it from the wall he took it with him and tossed in the nearest disposal station to be suctioned away into oblivion. 

She wouldn’t have to see it again.

It was the least he could do for now, but he was determined to know more. 

Making his way back to his room he dug into her file at last. In the mess of blacked out lines and scientific jargon, his heart sank as one entry caught his eye. 

Physical contact with other biological entities : None

Chapter Text

Lamentis-1 was moments away from complete destruction. The broken remains of the planet that was to be its doom came closer and closer at a deceptively slow pace. 

It didn’t matter. 

In that moment her hand on his arm and the affection in her eyes were the only things that did. If they died just then it would be the happiest he could ever remember being. 

He knew they wouldn’t though, he’d told her as much. 

As a massive chunk of rock plowed its way towards them they gripped each other's hands, preparing for the end. 

It never came. 

Everything around them… just… stopped. Chunks of rock hung in the air above them and the wall of water and dirt that threatened to bury them alive stood frozen in time. 

Just for them. 

Taking it as a sign of their reality breaking bond, they smiled as their eyes betrayed all the relief they felt at having found the missing part of themselves at last. Capturing each other's lips tenderly, they unhurriedly began to explore one another. 

Held in stasis around them, the impending cataclysm was the only witness to their love. 

Laying naked side by side in the soft dirt, they breathed and tasted and touched until they felt the warmth of his need grow between them. 

As her leg wrapped around him, she guided him into soft bliss as the two halves became whole. They had all the time in the world — in every world — to let the languid motion of their union fill them with peaceful euphoria. 

All the universes would wait. 

Upon opening his eyes and blearily taking in the hideous stripped wall of his bedroom, Loki angrily threw his pillow at it in frustration. 

It had been thirty standard days since he’d resolved to move on with his life, and the number of those he had woken up not fucking or sobbing into his pillow, he could count on one hand.

Managing his thoughts during the day was one thing, but dreams were beyond his control. His subconscious was maddeningly determined to live out the desires that his waking mind refused to entertain. 

Growling, he rolled on his back, cringing away from the sticky wetness in his shorts. He almost never indulged himself while he was awake now. It didn’t help fill the emptiness, and intrusive thoughts were always on the edge of his mind threatening to break through. 

He hadn’t spoken to X-9 since he’d met her in the hallway, she was always involved in some activity with her group and didn’t attempt to approach him again. 

She did frequently look around for him, and would smile when she caught his eye, seemingly comforted by his presence. 

He wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, but It brought him some comfort as well. He knew why it did, and he knew it was probably hindering his progress, but a few minutes a day away from his misery was too tempting to resist. 

He was still determined to learn who she really was, but seeing as she didn’t know that herself he knew it’d take a while. The best he could do for now was remind himself that she was her own person no matter how much she looked like Sylvie, or what her true personality turned out to be. 

He pulled himself out of bed and into the shower, trying not to dwell on his now fading dream.

Today was a day he hoped could bring them all some peace. They had been preparing for several cycles to remove all the statues of the time-keepers throughout the TVA. He himself would be glad to be rid of the hideous things, but seeing X-9’s reaction when every statue disappeared simultaneously in a wave of light, is what interested him most; so he made sure he knew where she’d be. 

Loki leaned over the railing. He had already picked X-9 out of the widely spaced crowd on the opposite balcony. Her hair was a bit longer, growing more quickly than the others, which he supposed was due to their sluggish human physiology. He noticed that she would frequently tug at it, as if it was some new and wonderful discovery. 

It probably was.

“I was hoping I’d find you here,” the other Loki said, coming to lean on the railing beside him. 

Loki sighed, he wasn’t really feeling like company at the moment, particularly not his own , “Shouldn’t you be with your other half?” 

He gestured non-specifically into the distance, “She’s out there, doing the honours,” he replied, wistfully.  

Loki nodded approvingly, “Good — no one deserves it more than she does.” 

They listened briefly to the speech, the head of the governing council was making, displayed on various screens throughout the TVA. Loki figured she had been selected for her role, primarily because of her love of long winded speeches. He didn’t doubt Sylvie was somewhere using every ounce of her restraint to not throw the switch and be done with it. 

His counterpart gave him a nudge as it became apparent the Councillor would drone on for a while, “The council is trying to agree on what to replace the horrid things with. I think you should have some input.” 

Loki didn’t need any time to think about it, “There’s only one person that deserves to be up there.” 

The other Loki nodded, “She’s a hero to all of us, but I’m not going to be the one to suggest it. Living with someone is a lot different than worshipping them from afar.” 

There was an unspoken understanding between the three of them that they would take him in if they could. Not that there wasn’t a certain intriguing appeal to the possibilities involved, but sex was easy; building a real functional relationship when none of them had the first clue how to go about it? That was hard – seemingly impossible.  

Sylvie had enough on her plate with only one of them to deal with, and he had enough problems learning to live with himself without taking it that literally. 

“How is she?” Loki asked, not really sure he wanted to hear the answer.  

“Better,” he sighed and huffed out a laugh, “she’s much more relaxed, I haven’t woken up with a knife to my throat in months.” 

Loki turned up the edges of his mouth in an attempt to hide his pain but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. He rubbed his thumbs over his fingers as he leaned over the railing, focusing on the feeling of his own skin, anything but the thought of his other self in Sylvie’s bed. 

His counterpart regarded him carefully and slid a hand up his back. Wrapping his fingers around the crook of his neck he gave him an affectionate shake, “I still get thrown out of bed for snoring at least once a week though.” 

Loki actually managed a laugh at that, “We do not snore,” he protested. 

“Which I have helpfully pointed out on multiple occasions — perhaps she’d listen to you ,” he left his hand motionless on the back of Loki’s neck and examined his face closely. 

Loki flicked his eyes to the side with mild annoyance, “Trying to make me jealous?” 

“ I would be,” he said directly, watching Loki for any flicker of anger or tension building in his muscles, but found none. 

“Expecting a dagger in your back?” Loki inquired sullenly. 

“I almost wish I were – at least it would show me there’s still life in you,” he said, giving Loki’s shoulder a squeeze. 

Loki closed his eyes and ran his top lip over the bottom one, “You can’t understand what I’m going through.” 

His other self narrowed his eyes, “I know… that's what worries me.” 

“I don’t want you to worry about me, just don’t screw up the gift you’ve been given,” Loki replied forcefully. 

His counterpart sighed, “I’ll try my best, but it’d make things a lot easier if we got you sorted out.” 

“You feel guilty.” Loki turned his face accusingly.  

“You know we both do.”

Loki choked back a sob and stared down at his hands, “If I hadn’t done what I did, you wouldn’t exist and I would still be stuck flitting through time. It had to be this way. Just… tell her I’m fine, I’m doing great.”

His counterpart scoffed back, “She spends more time in my head than I do, do you really think she’ll believe that coming from me?”

Loki took a deep breath, “It’s just taking time, I’ll get there. I will be fine… eventually,” agitated, he picked at his nails. 

Taking his hand away, the other Loki leaned over the railing beside him, watching the workers attach the final contraption to the top of the closest statue. 

Loki meanwhile, wasn’t watching the statues. Instead he fixed his gaze on X-9, who was leaning somewhat awkwardly over a railing opposite them. She kept checking the people beside her to see if they were leaning the same way. 

A wave of happiness fluttered through him as she locked eyes and smiled in greeting. Her usual curt nod was looking a bit more natural. 

His counterpart didn’t miss the change in his face, “They look so much alike.”

“They do.”

He curled a smile, “You seem rather taken with her, have you spoken yet?”

“Enough to know she needs time to adjust, she’s been through a lot.” Loki gave him an annoyed glance, “Are you trying to set me up to get me out of your hair?”

“Not necessarily, but you know there’s something we have to consider. After all it happened to us,” he replied seriously.

That got Loki’s hackles up, “Don’t even suggest it. Sylvie would have told us if she thought that was possible.” 

It was unthinkable , the idea that Sylvie could have split her time-line the same way he did; with one Sylvie living the life she always deserved and the other tossed into another life of horror at the hands of the TVA. 

His other self did not seem to share his reservations, much to his dismay. “She didn’t say it wasn’t possible, only that she didn’t remember any specific instance it happened. It doesn’t mean-”

He stopped short as Loki’s hand grabbed onto his throat in the traditional Asgardian gesture for I’ve had enough of your crap.

Teeth clenched, Loki gave him a quiet warning, “Please – stop,” then released his hand and looked back out at X-9, “she’ll tell us who she is when she’s ready.” He absentmindedly clenched his fingers around the front of his shirt, an anxious habit he’d picked up, “Even if it was her, it doesn’t mean she would choose to be with me.” He leaned back over the railing. 

His other self rubbed his throat (actually pleased to see a bit of a spark in him), and leaned over next to him again, “You know she’s sorry for what she did.”

“She’s only gotten to reconcile with one of us… I know… I don’t… I’ve forgiven her. I haven’t forgiven myself for what I did, “ Loki looked down at his interlaced hands. 

“What we did, you mean. You should – she’ll tell you herself, if you want.”

Loki didn’t get a chance to respond, they were both nudged to the side as Mobius appeared and squeezed himself between them. 

“Hey! How are my two favourite Loki’s?”

Loki rolled his eyes, “We both know neither of us earn that particular title.”

“You’re definitely my favourites on this particular balcony,” Mobius said, pointing down for emphasis. 

“High praise,” the other Loki responded affectionately. 

Mobius chuckled, “Don’t mention it, but you-know-who is looking for you, better get your mischievous butt over there, pronto.” 

“Hmm, yes, I’ve learned not to leave her waiting,” he grinned, “I’ll leave you to enjoy the show.”

He patted Mobius on the back and then Loki in kind before making his way towards his adoring, if sometimes impatient, goddess. 

Mobius chuckled again, “Big day, huh. I wouldn’t say it’s the best view, but maybe you're not really here for the statues, “ he waved over at X-9 who was looking over at them.

Loki shook his head, “Leave it alone, Mobius. I’ll talk to her when I’m ready. When she’s ready,” he corrected. 

“Yeah, don’t mind me, never could resist putting in my two cents,” Mobius said, scratching his arm. 

Loki lowered his head in acknowledgement, “Thank you. Anyway, you’re the one who told me to be careful in the first place, in case you’ve forgotten.”

Moblus gestured dismissively, “Yeah, I know, I know. It’s just that I’ve been watching you two make goo-goo eyes at each other for weeks on end now.”

Loki quickly protested, “We are not… I’m not even sure I know what that means exactly, but whatever it is, it is not what we’ve been doing.”

“Fair enough,” Mobius said, letting the matter drop. 

The speeches finally came to an end, and it wasn’t long after that the statues dissolved in an impressive display of crackling light. 

What Loki didn’t expect was the strange sensation he felt. It was as if the TVA had been in complete darkness and someone had thrown open a window, flooding it with sunlight. He raised his hand, allowing his magic to flow into his fingertips, green light gathering to pulse gently in his palm.

“Well, how ‘bout that, two birds with one stone,” Mobius proclaimed beside him. 

Loki stared back at him in wordless astonishment.

“You might want to think about talking to X-9 sooner than later, though. It looks like she could use some help with that,” Mobius pointed at the far balcony. 

Loki heard a loud yelp as he gaped across at X-9. She had a startled look on her face, having just sent out a small burst of force that nudged the two unsuspecting people on either side. 

“I suppose maybe you're right,” he said, voice filled with wonder. 

There was just one place he needed to go first.

“Are you sure you want to see this?”

“I need to.” 

Loki had read X-9’s file, but he wanted to see for himself what her life had been like, before he talked to her again. It would hopefully give him some insight into her situation, not to mention keep him from sticking his foot in his mouth – or at least not swallowing his entire leg. 

B-15’s face was bathed in the red of the warning lights around the entrance to the ‘Nightmare’ department. TVA workers had been conditioned to have a negative association with the place even before they found out what it was actually for. It made it easier to keep secrets. 

She was no different, keeping her pruning stick at the ready, “Alright, watch yourself, there’s still some fighting on the far side. Stay close.”

There was really only one thing he was interested in seeing. He ignored the sparking wires, vast burned and partially pruned buildings where the TVA loyalists had tried to hold position long enough to dispose of evidence, with partial success. They did so mostly because that’s what they’d been conditioned to do, since there was no TVA reputation left to protect. Shouts and the odd bang echoed from the distance as they made their way along the open grated walkways that hung between buildings. Each building housed a self contained TVA simulation, running experiment after experiment for eons on end. 

Most were quiet now. 

B-15 led him to her building, her section, her room, her bed. The place she had spent her whole known existence – in a row of fifty beds spaced a couple metres apart. Desks lined one wall where the ‘workers’ toiled away their days. View screens hung on the other wall, providing individualized propaganda for each subject. They were thankfully all dark now. 

Never alone, but always alone. 

He was glad he’d seen it. 

He really hoped he’d never have to go back. 

Chapter Text

The Archives were quiet as Loki gazed down at the lower level from the upper balcony where he stood. He made his way down the elevator, weaved his way through rows of shelving, snuck past a couple agents trying to figure out the new filing system, and had a staring contest with the Senior Archivist across her desk. 

He was in fact doing all those things simultaneously from his actual location on the upper balcony, having sent out four duplicates to check things out and alleviate his paranoid suspicion that Loki (the other Loki) was spying on him. 

He didn’t have any reason to believe that Loki would be spying on him, other than, if he were him (which he had been) he would be spying on him, and he really wanted to avoid any more of his own advice at this particular time.

Calling back his duplicates, three identical Lokis made their way back to his location, disappearing as soon as he was satisfied he no longer needed their vantage point. 

The forth one, that was still staring intently at the Archivist (mostly because Loki had forgotten about it), blinked as he called it back. The elderly woman clapped her hands together triumphantly at having won a contest Loki didn’t know he was competing in. 

He had his duplicate bow in gracious defeat. Maybe it’d get him into her good books at last, or at least keep her out of his hair for a few minutes. Long enough to have a short conversation with a certain someone.

X-9 was alone for once, which had surprised him when he’d first spied her here a few minutes earlier. Bent over a desk, reading a large book, chewing on her pencil, it was the most relaxed he could remember seeing her. 

He had been hoping to run into her at some point, but as much as he’d tried to prepare himself, he still wasn’t sure just what to expect. All he could do is say a cautious hello and hope for the best. 

He walked over to where she was seated, being careful to stay at a distance she’d be comfortable with. 

“Read anything interesting?” 

Just a simple inquiry to a potential acquaintance. 

Upon hearing his question, she sat up straight and breathed a sigh of relief, “I suppose – I was mostly practicing this posture,” she pointed across the room at an Analyst who was similarly hunched over and chewing a pencil. She rubbed the back of her neck, “I don’t see the advantage of it, personally.”

Loki glanced between them in bemusement, “You’re not likely to find one, probably best to sit whatever way doesn’t leave you with chronic back pain,” he smirked down at her. He’d been stuck behind that Analyst in the cafeteria line on more than one occasion and complaining about a sore back seemed to be his favourite topic of conversation. 

She scrunched up her nose in distaste, “Why would anyone do it then?” 

The adorable expression didn’t escape his notice. She seemed much more casual in her mannerisms and speech pattern. Her accent was hard to place, still not like Sylvie’s, but closer . 

Realising he had been staring a bit longer than was polite he glanced back at the Analyst and shrugged, “Feels good at the time?”

X-9 nodded and folded her hands neatly on top of her book, “I suppose that’s the risk of getting to choose things for yourself.”

“True, but I’d rather be the victim of my own bad choices-”

She finished the thought, “-than have to put up with someone else's. Yeah, I’m learning that – slowly .” 

He furrowed his brow in sympathy, “It must be quite an adjustment to make.” 

“It is, but it’s... going well. Having actual freedom is amazing. I’m just not quite sure what to do with it yet,” she picked up the pencil she’d been chewing on, scrutinizing the mangled end with displeasure. 

“Well, fair warning, if you’re anything like me, and – as a likely Loki – you probably are in some ways, I have to warn you to plan on making a lot of stupid choices along the way. Best not to dwell on it too much,” he gave her a slightly goofy smile, drawing a short laugh from her.

“I’ll keep that in mind. You can sit, it’s fine,” she gestured at the chair across the wide table. 

Set more at ease, he slid into the seat carefully, keeping his hands back from the table top and watched her take a somewhat nervous breath in response. 

“It still makes you uncomfortable? To have someone come close?” 

She flicked her eyes up to the ceiling and took some time to even out her breathing, but her expression was almost giddy, “I’m working on it. That’s one of the most difficult things. They… really pounded it into us, you could say.” 

Loki lowered his eyes and nodded sadly, hoping the pounded part was only a figure of speech (though she had said it casually enough), “I’m sorry, just let me know if you’re having trouble with anything.”

“Thank you,” she said warmly, then gave him an earnest look, “I am making a lot of progress – I think. Just watch,” she rubbed the side of her nose as if scratching an itch and then grinned widely, “See! Didn’t bother me one bit!”

Loki was mildly perplexed but did his best not to let on, she seemed very proud of her small accomplishment, “Very good… uh… scratching?”

She turned up the corner of her mouth a bit sheepishly – once again drawing his focus and setting off a flutter of butterflies in his stomach. 

“I know it seems silly — but we weren’t supposed to allow ourselves to get distracted by unnecessary biological functions. We were supposed to be able to give ‘maximum focus to the sacred timeline ’,” She said, mocking the stern voice of whatever authority had repeated those words to her. 

He startled out of a momentary daydream, as the egregious nature of what she’d just said, sunk in, “Scratching is unnecessary?” 

“Among other things. Took your attention away from the timeline. You were supposed to wait it out stoically until a robot could help you with whatever you needed,” she shrugged.

“How are a bunch of itchy Chronomonitors supposed to be effective? That is absolutely not how the TVA monitored the timeline.” 

The words spilled out indignantly before he could catch himself. It obviously wasn’t about effectiveness, it was about seeing how much shit they would take before they rebelled. Why else would they house them nearly on top of one another and then forbid them from coming within a few feet of another person. 

She lowered her eyes at his reaction, “I know that now,“ she sighed, “pretty ridiculous, huh. They must have picked me for being so gullible.”

Loki replied softly, wishing he had kept his big mouth shut for once, “Or maybe they picked you because you weren’t. It wouldn’t make much sense to experiment on people who were easy to control.”

She pursed her lips, “Maybe,” then rolled her eyes at herself somewhat angrily, “Want to hear something really stupid? I was looking forward to having a ten out of ten compliance rating. Get to monitor the timeline – for real,” she swallowed the lump in her throat, “Only, it would only have gotten me reset again – or pruned. I actually believed them when they said we’d get to live a normal life on the timeline once our job was done.”

He noticed a bit of redness in her eyes. “You shouldn’t blame yourself,” he said gently. 

“I know,” she took a deep breath and seemed to push the emotion aside.  

Loki thought it best to change the subject. “Did they find out anymore about when you were…” 

“Captured? Yeah, they found my file. Actually, five files. All tagged to the same number,” she shook her head dejectedly, ”all different.”  

“Sorry you didn’t find something more helpful, are you still going by X-9?” He pushed his hair behind his ear, which drew a look of fascination from her. 

She cautiously tried to repeat his motion — though her hair was still too short to duplicate it exactly. 

“I wish I could get rid of this number they slapped on me, but ‘Loki’ just doesn’t feel like me yet.” 

Sylvie shared her aversion of course. He had assumed she developed it during her time on the run from the TVA, but if X-9 felt the same perhaps it was something that happened even earlier in her past. 

“If we could retrieve some of your memories it could help?” He suggested. 

“Sylvie tried once. Apparently I blocked her attempt so I need to learn how to control my magic before she can try again.” X-9 examined her flattened palm, running her fingertips over the tiny spot Sylvie had made contact.

“If anyone can get through it’s her.” He looked down in thought, “Perhaps I can help — with your magic?” 

That is what he’d wanted to talk to her about in the first place. Somehow it had slipped his mind until she mentioned it. The rather delightful effect she was having on him might have been the reason. 

X-9’s eyes lit up at the suggestion, “That would really be wonderful, but if you don’t mind, there is something else I could use help with.” 

She turned the book she was looking at, a thick encyclopedia opened to an entry on Midgardian amusement parks. 

“I need to learn how to have fun,” she said simply. 

Loki grinned, “You’re in luck. I am somewhat of an expert in that department. I’m sure I can come up with something suitable to begin your education.”  

“I’d like that very much,” she replied, thrilled by the offer and not able to hide the blush that rose to her cheeks. 

“Sometime tomorrow?” He said standing up.

“Yes,” she took a deep breath, “thank you.”

“You’re quite welcome, I look forward to it.” 

Before he left, almost as an afterthought, she extended her hand, trying to appear confident. He felt it tremble as he grasped it, though he couldn’t say his was exactly steady either. 

What was his excuse?

She didn’t hold on for long, barely a second, but he beamed back at the proud smile she gave him, both understanding the accomplishment this was for her. 

As he walked through the Archives, glancing back to wave as she watched him go, it seemed like a giant weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He almost felt like he could float away.

She wasn’t Sylvie, he assured himself. He could never imagine Sylvie, indomitable force that she was, ever submitting herself to the time-keepers’ pointless requirements, even if it killed her.

Sylvie didn’t need him though — not anymore — and X-9 clearly did. 

He knew he was getting far ahead of himself, but he just couldn’t help thinking there might be a future there. 

Just possibly.

Thankfully, X-9’s room had been redecorated before she’d moved in, with no clock evoking wallpaper in sight. The walls were a neutral beige and the floor was covered with tightly woven grey carpet. It still contained the same set of furniture (couch and two armchairs), desk and small kitchenette that all the rooms did. It was nice, if not very unique.

Loki stood next to the door — having just been let in — trying to make sense of the rest of what he was seeing. 

X-9 sorted through piles of clothing on the couch, fully dressed but soaking wet and wrapped in a towel; not that it helped much, she was dripping water and soap suds everywhere. 

“Sorry, I was just getting dressed and… it’s taking longer than expected,” she said, appearing more and more flustered by the second. 

“Take all the time you need,” he replied, hiding his concern. She looked like she had been standing in the shower with her clothes on and only thrown the towel around her to come to the door. 

“Um… maybe sit down? I’m sure I’ll have this sorted out in a moment.” 

The only place he could sit was in the swiveling chair at the small desk against one wall. Unlike the rest of the furniture it was clear of clothing and assorted odds and ends; the desk itself was organized and spotless. He took a seat as he watched her pace back and forth not getting any closer to picking an outfit. 

“I’m here to help if I can,” he offered in a casual tone. 

She did her best to hide her emotions but he could see the tension in her face, the involuntary twitches of her mouth as she fought back tears, “Oh no, it’s fine, I’ve done this before, it just…”

The cheerful expression she had fought so hard to maintain dropped suddenly, as did all of the clothing in her hands.

“I hate it here.” 

She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand, ”I’m all alone and I can’t do anything without worrying that one wrong action-” 

Loki instinctively wanted to extend a hand to comfort her, but knew that would only make it worse. “It’s your room, you can do whatever you want.” 

She held out her hands in front of her, clenching and unclenching her fists anxiously, “I tell myself that, but…”

“The fear remains?” 

“More like all consuming dread — and guilt. The guilt that doesn’t make any sense at all.” She looked at him directly, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” he replied with a warm smile. 

She cut right to the chase, “Why have you been watching me all this time?” 

He should have been prepared to answer that very obvious question, but he really wasn’t. Not able to think of a helpful white lie, he figured the truth wasn’t the worst option.

“Ah… I guess I’d say, I’ve always been alone, or felt that way. I used to think I was fine with it. Then someone came along and showed me I wasn’t, but…” 

“You can’t be with her?” 

Closing his eyes, he shook his head sadly, “No, I can’t,” he grazed his teeth over his lower lip, “I’ve put that behind me though.”

He was trying at least.  

He smiled over at her fondly, “Watching you made me feel less alone.” 

She pursed her lips, “Because I remind you of her?”

He took a deep breath, “I have to admit at first , but now… I’m looking forward to learning who you are — If you’d like that?” 

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with his answer, “When they transferred us to this department,” she paused, “I mean, when they rescued us. They put us all together in a medical ward. Told us what to do step by step, since that’s how we were used to learning.” 

The towel she was wearing over her clothes started to come loose but she didn't try to adjust it, just let it fall to the floor, “But now… we’re supposed to try doing things for ourselves.” 

“I can’t imagine how difficult that must be,” he said sympathetically.

“I’m not ready for this, I need-,” she exhaled and bit her lower lip, “I have a proposal for you.” 

Intrigued, Loki narrowed his eyes and smiled, “Alright.” 

“I obviously can’t do anything by myself, and you said you’re not happy being alone so… I suggest that I stay with you until such time as we have resolved our difficulties.” 

Loki’s heart rate sped up immediately, mind spinning, trying to work out the logistics, “Um… If that would help you, I can sleep on the couch…”

She raised her fingers, “Two metres apart — if your sleeping room matches this one there should be enough space to move my bed and place it two metres away from yours.” 

Remembering the long narrow room she’d been held in, beds spaced out in a row, a chill ran down Loki’s spine. She was used to having other people near, even if they were prevented from any sort of physical contact. Here, alone in her room, she was away from the only kind of companionship she’d ever known. 

Noticing the stunned expression on Loki’s face, X-9 shrugged it off, “Just think about it — I have all the details officially documented.” She looked over at the small desk behind him, ”I probably should get dried off before I give it to you.” She frowned, lip quivering at the thought.

Loki held up a hand, “Can I help with that, I won’t need to come closer?”

She nodded, “Please.” 

He twisted his wrist in the air, setting off a wave of magic that ran over her body, cleaning and drying and replacing her wet clothing. 

Letting out a breath of relief, she looked over at him with gratitude, “You’ll have to show me how you do that sometime.” 

“I’m sure you’ll be a quick study,” he slid the wheeled chair he was on far enough away from the desk to allow her to look through the shelf of files above it. 

Pulling out a fairly thick folder, she set it down on the desk and took out the top page, holding it out for him.

“Just look it over, see what you think.”

“Of course, I’ll read it while we walk. Are you ready to go?” He stood up and pushed the chair back over to the desk, trying to let it roll part of the way so she could catch it.

She aligned the chair carefully back in place, “I think so, I’ve been wondering what you had planned.”

“Nothing too elaborate to start. I thought we’d take a look at what the entertainment committee did with the abandoned tower they were renovating. Perhaps when you’re feeling up to it we can take a trip to a real amusement park, like the one in your book.”

She sighed, “It’s hard to imagine I’d ever get to see something like that. It’s almost like a dream.”

Loki smirked, “I don’t expect we’ll see the stuff of dreams today, but they might surprise us.” 

As they walked side by side through the hallway, carefully spaced apart, Loki took the opportunity to glance over the ‘proposal’. It was really an itemised list of things she needed to ‘learn’ (or desensitize to, since knowledge wasn’t her primary issue), and a timeframe or goal for when she wanted to tackle it. 

Just about to enter the elevator at the end of the hall, he sucked in through his teeth involuntarily as he got down to the somewhat large section marked intimacy.  

A formal document wasn’t nearly as romantic as snuggling awkwardly under a blanket or a random serenade on a doomed train ride, but at least it was very clear what she wanted from him. 

“Something wrong?” She snapped her eyes to his at the sound. 

“No,” he replied in a voice a bit too high, trying to cover the mixture of feelings swirling inside him, “all good.” 

He wondered just how long she’d had this plan, and whether she would have approached him at some point. The list was quite long by itself, never mind the rest of the details waiting back in her room. Even for someone trained by the TVA it would have taken her a while. 

Reassured, she gave him a nod and peered into the elevator a bit nervously. 

He worried it might be too tight a space for the both of them, “Do you need to ride alone?” 

She stuck her head inside to look around, “It’s fine, I’ll just stand over here.” 

She moved into the far corner and folded her hands in front of her. 

He cautiously slid into the opposite side of the elevator so he could hit the button for the correct floor. 

As the doors slid shut, he turned around and saw her pressed forcefully into the corner. Hugging herself, she dug her nails into her arms, fighting the fear that came with being so close to someone with no way out.

A look of pity crossed his face against his will, and she closed her eyes in shame. 

“I’m sorry – I don’t want to be like this,” her voice quivered as she spoke. 

Loki glanced over the list in his hand once again, blinking a tear out of his eye, then gazed back at her as the chime signaled their floor. 

He’d made up his mind.  

“Hey, nice of you to stop by, come on in.”

Mobius took a small sip of the steaming cup of coffee he held in his hand, wincing as the too hot liquid hit his tongue. He blew on the steam as he moved away from the door to let Loki inside. 

“Uh… sorry, were you planning to retire early?” Loki eyed Mobius’s cozy fleece pajamas, which were covered in a whimsical shark print with matching shark shaped fuzzy slippers. 

Mobius scratched his chin, “You know, maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Since I actually get days off now, I can hang around in my non-regulation shark themed sleepwear all day if I want to. Why? Because sharks are awesome and these pajamas are comfortable and don’t have a scratchy tag in the back the TVA would never let us remove,” 

“It… looks quite fetching on you,” Loki said, attempting to compliment the unusual choice as he moved towards the couch to sit down. 

Mobius chuckled, “Nice to hear I’ve nailed both comfort and style with this spiffy ensemble.” 

He grabbed another cup of coffee and set it in front of Loki amongst the scattered pieces of a large puzzle he had just started working on, then sat down in his armchair. 

“So, what’s on your mind?” 

Grateful for an excuse not to look Mobius in the eye, Loki began sorting through the puzzle pieces for any that might fit together, “I talked with X-9 a bit today.” 

Mobius blew on his coffee again, watching Loki unsuccessfully trying to play it cool, “I take it, it didn't go any better than last time?”

Switching to a new tactic Loki touched a puzzle piece with his finger, took it into his pocket dimension, then had it reappear in the correct location, “No, it did, it went fine. We walked around a bit, tried out Casey's mini golf course in the new amusement centre.” 

Mobius wasn’t about to be distracted by Loki’s novel use of magic, “Ok, that sounds good, I assume that’s not what you came here to tell me though.” 

Loki touched a few more pieces and they obediently disappeared and reappeared in their proper places, “It really wasn’t — the entertainment committee’s idea of amusement is almost as bad as your taste in cuisine.” 

Mobius sighed and ran his hand over his face, “ Noted – now do you mind telling me how things went with X-9?” 

Loki placed his hand down on the table top and caused all the pieces to glow at once, “Did you know this puzzle has ten pieces missing and thirteen are for a different one entirely?”

“You can blame the entertainment committee, they dropped it off for me. Come to think of it, you may have a point there but-”

Loki replied ardently, “I certainly do – a crumpled up piece of paper is not an acceptable substitute for a golf ball, no matter how tightly you squeeze it together which I helpfully tried to expl-“

Mobius threw his hand up in exasperation, “Loki! Come on, just spill it and get it over with. It can’t be that bad.”  

Loki clicked his tongue, “Ok – well. We decided… since I don’t have anyone right now, and she needs help with… various things… um-“  

He said the next part more quickly than necessary, “X-9 is moving in with me, so if you see us carrying furniture through the hallway that’s probably why,” he slapped both hands down on his legs and stood up, as if to leave. 

Mobius set his coffee down on the table, “Hold up — move in with you? I thought you were going to talk with her?”

Loki inhaled deeply and sat back down, leaving both hands on his legs, “I did, and we both agreed that it would be in our mutual interests to spend some time together.” 

“What, like every waking second?” Mobius shook his head, “And I suppose you’ve come here because you want me to tell you what a terrible idea this is?”

“I’ve made up my mind Mobius. I need to do this, I can’t go on this way.”

Neither could she.

Mobius folded his arms and shrugged, “Yeah, I can see that. I won’t try to talk you out of it.” 

Loki raised his eyebrows in surprise, “You won’t?”

“Nope. I mean, I’m the guy who made up his own memories because I’m too afraid of the real ones. I’m the last person to tell you what to do — and as far as terrible ideas go, you’ve had worse.”

“I appreciate the encouragement,” Loki said with a sigh. 

Mobius relaxed back in the chair, lifting a shark clad foot to rest on the opposite knee, “Don’t mention it, and I’ll be here with a shoulder to cry on if you get your heart broken again.”

Loki pursed his lips, and looked away, “I don’t think it can get any more broken than it already is,” he said sadly, then tried to sound casual, ”Anyway, we’re just going to help each other work through our issues, she’s got it all planned out.”

“And you’ll follow along. Don’t take this the wrong way, but it does sound familiar?” 

Loki glared back a warning, but he knew Mobius was right. 

Mobius huffed out a laugh, “Listen, she didn’t live Sylvie’s life but she came from the same timeline at some point, they’re probably a lot alike in a lot of ways. She might be good for you.” 

Loki frowned and placed a hand to his chest, remembering the feeling of Sylvie’s hand pushing him away after she’d kissed him. A wave of anxiety flooded through him at the thought of falling for X-9 only to be pushed away again. “I don’t expect it to go anywhere.” 

“Oh, now we’re both lying to ourselves. Misery loves company, I guess.” 

“I don’t know about that – but I’m hoping the miserable do.” 

Loki took the document X-9 had given him (now folded haphazardly) out of his pocket. Running his fingers around the edges he flicked the corners a couple times. He didn’t really want to show Mobius, but he didn’t not want to show him either; so he kept fidgeting with it until Mobius got the hint.

“Is that the actual plan?” he said with a chuckle. 

“Just the summary, a list really. She’s been working on the details for a while. It’s quite extensive.”

“Well the TVA did teach attention to detail, no surprise there. I’ll take a look if you want.”

“I mean, if you insist,” he said, handing the folded page over. He stared straight ahead at the wall but watched Mobius glance over the list out of the corner of his eye as he slid his thumbs over the fabric on his pant legs anxiously. 

Mobius furrowed his brow, scratched his chin and sighed sadly as he read the first few items. Working his way further down, a slight smile appeared that grew wider. By the time he got to the end he was laughing and wiping tears out of his eyes. 

“Loki, I gotta tell ya, you may not expect this to go anywhere, but she clearly does. Even if she doesn’t know exactly what the where is yet.”

Loki scrunched his eyes closed, “I can’t afford to mess this up can I? What if I end up making things worse for her.” 

“At least going by what she has here, she very wisely isn’t looking for you to be her therapist, so you’ve avoided that inevitable disaster. Are you both getting into this for the wrong reasons? Yeah, probably. You’ll just have to try your best, like we all do.” He handed the page back over. 

Loki took it and folded it back into his pocket, grateful for the encouragement, “I hope my best is good enough, I don’t have a great track record.” 

“There’s a lot of people around here that would beg to differ, don’t forget about that,” Mobius said in encouragement as he picked his mug back up from the table. 

Loki nodded slightly. It didn’t always feel like he was helping people, but in the long run he had to admit he was, “Yeah… thanks.” 

Finally taking a sip of the coffee in front of him, Loki made a face.

Mobius grinned and took a sip of his, “Sorry, it’s decaffeinated. I do actually want to sleep tonight.” 

“They have that now?” 

“Yeah, amazing stuff, fraction of the caffeine and half the taste, but I can drink a whole pot after dinner and get eight hours so it makes up for it,” he shrugged. “Now – you didn’t say when she was moving in exactly?”

“Oh, uh, right now, actually.” 

Loki took a large swig of the coffee and made another face, “Gotta run.”

“Wasting no time I see. Well don’t let me keep ya. Oh hey! Before you go,” Mobius pointed down at the puzzle on the coffee table, “since you’ve already ruined the unpleasant surprise, do you think you could finish that for me?”

Loki huffed out a laugh, “Certainly.” 

Waving his hand over the table, all the pieces rearranged themselves and clicked together, minus the missing ones, with the unmatching ones stacked neatly in a pile beside it. 

“Thanks, and… best of luck.”

Loki nodded, “Hopefully I won’t need it.” 

It was easy enough for the two of them to pick up an end of her narrow bed and carry it to his room. Either one of them could have done it single handedly — and probably less awkwardly — but they unspokenly chose to share the task. It kept them at a safe distance from one another in any case. 

They only drew a few raised eyebrows as they made their way down the hall. The TVA hadn’t forbidden romantic relationships but they did discourage long term arrangements. A single ridiculously narrow bed to a room, that was far too easy to fall out of, was one of the many annoying methods they used. Not that it would have stopped anyone determined. 

It had become something of a milestone to see a couple moving in together. Word also tended to get around fairly quickly, which Loki was keenly aware of. Not that he particularly cared what most people thought, but he would be happier to see how things went for a bit before his other self inevitably heard about his new room-mate.

Arriving at his room at last, they maneuvered the bed through the outer door and into the bedroom. 

After pushing his bed over so they could set it in place beside it, X-9 took out a measuring tape and checked the distance between the two, nudging one over until she was satisfied, then stood at the end for a few seconds, assessing her surroundings, as Loki stood by.

“It’ll be good to get some sleep tonight,” she said, rubbing her hands together, looking a bit worried. 

Loki hoped she wasn’t having second thoughts. He was having all sorts of thoughts: some anxious, some excited, some that he pushed aside for a later date. 

Two thoughts in particular came to the forefront; one, that he wanted to make sure she was as comfortable as possible, and two, that he was very much looking forward to seeing her beautiful face when he woke up. 

“I haven’t been sleeping well myself lately. Is everything alright?” 

She breathed in through her nose and blew out slowly, “It’s just the walls — they make me uneasy for some reason. A lot of things do, though, “ she added quickly, “I’ll get used to it.” 

Loki had been meaning to get rid of the cursed stripes with the creepy orange circles but hadn’t found the drive to do it until now. 

“Understandable,” he ran his hand through his hair. 

He did have sort of a plan for what to replace it with, but since she would be staying here as well, he thought it best to get her input. “Is there anything you find particularly relaxing? Maybe something you saw on the timeline that you liked?” 

She thought for a moment, “Rain — I always thought it’d be nice to be somewhere, where it was raining. I loved hearing the sound. It always gave me a sense of peace. I’m not really sure why.”

Loki smiled, he found the sound soothing as well.

It was raining when…

Blinking back to reality, he refocused on the task at hand, “Excellent choice. Just give me a minute to think about it,” and with that he waved his hand and replaced both of their clothing with sleepwear. 

X-9 looked down and tugged at the new shirt appreciatively, “You have no idea how much time and stress you’ve just saved me.”

“Happy to be of service,” he smiled. “Now, I think I have a way to make these walls less offensive.” Placing his hand flat against one wall, the patterned wallpaper flashed once, becoming a solid dark green colour. 

X-9 nodded approvingly, “Much better-”

Loki raised a finger, “Just wait – there’s more.” 

Touching his finger to the wall, a tiny spot of green light emerged and traced out pictures of rain drops — as if they were sliding down a window — in thin outlines of gold all around the room. 

X-9 looked on in awe during the minute or two it took to complete the process. “Amazing,” she said, eyes wide with wonder.

He laughed to himself; he was going to have to watch his ego living with her. Of course, he hadn’t done anything to nearly get her killed yet either, so there was that. 

“One last touch, and please do tell me if it’s too much,” he threw a ball of light at the ceiling and cast an illusion of rain drops falling on a domed skylight, including the gentle beating sounds of water hitting the glass. 

X-9 took a minute to listen, and comprehend just what she was seeing above her before responding, “It’s…”

“Too much?” he worried, ”Sorry, sometimes I get a bit carried away and-“ 

“Like a dream,” she smiled in delight, and laid down to watch the rain fall. 

He laid down in his own bed, pretending to watch the rain as well, though he was mostly watching her out of the corner of his eye. Waiting until she fell asleep to maintain the illusion, he muted the sounds and listened to her quiet breathing. 

It was like a dream — his dreams — seeing that face resting peacefully beside him. 

He’d promised himself he wouldn’t.

He knew he shouldn’t —  

— but it was just sooo easy to let her fill in all the raw and empty spaces in his heart, soothing all his aching wounds. 

Just a crutch to get him through, he told himself. He’d learn who X-9 was over time, whatever her name turned out to be. He’d replace Sylvie in his heart bit by bit until only she remained.  

He turned his head towards her one last time as he fully dropped the illusion on the ceiling and closed his eyes. 

He would learn to love her for herself, he promised. 

He couldn’t let her down. 

Stirring from sleep halfway through the night, X-9 blinked her eyes open in a momentary panic as she remembered exactly where she was. The room was dark and still, filled only with the soft rhythmic sounds of Loki’s breathing. 

Smiling, she relaxed and closed her eyes again, enjoying his quiet breaths and low murmuring. 

Then after a few silent minutes a soft whisper of ‘Sylvie’ escaped his lips. 

She enjoyed the sound of that too. 

Chapter Text

Loki blinked open his eyes and smiled. 

Did he need to pinch himself? 

She was still there, resting peacefully in her bed; that enchanting beautiful goddess that inhabited all of his dreams. 

He savoured the sheer joy it brought him for just a moment, before casting the illusion of rain upon the ceiling once more so she could see it when she opened her eyes. He kept it muted for now so it wouldn’t wake her. 

The initial hesitation had worn off; he was sure he was in love, and he was sure it was for real. 

And it wasn’t because of who she looked like, but because of — who — she was. 

He knew it because this wasn’t the first morning he’d had the pleasure of waking up to her at his side, but rather the hundred and ninth — and he found more reasons to love her every day. 

He didn’t mind admitting (that even with his long life) it was the longest and most intimate relationship he’d ever had, and they still hadn’t… 

She murmured softly as she stirred, turning up the corners of her mouth as she saw him smiling back at her, then glancing up at the ceiling. “You beat me to it again.”

“I enjoy watching you sleep. Anyway, you can always add to it. I rather enjoyed what you did the other day.”

She hummed in agreement, lazily motioning with two fingers and causing the illusion of the rain-covered skylight to flash with the occasional crack of lighting and the room to softly rumble with the sound of distant thunder. 

Magic had been one of the first things they’d worked on when she’d first moved in. She didn’t have any aversions towards it; she didn’t even know it was real until she’d been rescued. 

What they’d been allowed to see of the timeline was, in actuality, carefully selected pieces of propaganda; mostly Earth, mostly wonderful, happy events (though not all). It was enough to give them something to care about, to want to have for themselves, and something to feel terrified of losing if they failed. 

It was like a miracle to find she had an untapped skill she could use to do almost anything she wanted if she tried hard enough, and completely unstained by her captivity. It made the work of moving past each of her difficulties so much easier. 

“How’s that?” She turned her head towards him. 

“Very nice indeed. Do you want to do the honours, or should I? ”

“You were up first.” She tucked her hands behind her head as she gazed up at the ceiling.

“As you wish.” 

Surveying the thousands of outlines of raindrops he’d traced delicately on the wall, he picked out a single one. He then painted it in gradients of gold so that it appeared to stand out from the surface – one hundred and nine so far. He didn’t know what they would do once they were all filled in, but figured they’d likely get tired of it long before then. 

They still had the main room to decorate; its walls were currently solid green, having been transformed at the same time he’d cured the bedroom of its orange affliction. 

X-9 had made one addition to it. Above her desk, which they’d carried from her room on the second day, she’d taped her ‘Proposal’ to the wall. 

He remembered very well the stunned look she wore on her face when he’d first handed it back to her, folded tightly and worn from having been stuffed recklessly in his pocket. He’d taken it out and unfolded it and stuffed it back in his pocket many times that first day as he’d read over the list, again and again. 

Once she’d gotten over the initial shock of his extremely unprofessional way to treat paperwork, she’d embraced the chaos and symbolically taped it to the wall above her desk (on a slight angle), with over long pieces of the ugliest pieces of tape she could find. A small act of defiance, and a reminder of the freedom she was seeking. 

She didn’t follow the list precisely, only glancing at it now and then to see if there was something else she wanted to cross off, and barely opened the folder with the extensive plan she’d written to guide her recovery, with him as a partner. 

Loki had read it though. 

Despite being structured as a project plan and written in TVA jargon, he recognised it for what it actually was — the infatuated musings of someone who’d looked another person in the eye and found something they didn’t know they were missing. 

It had happened to Loki twice now, he really couldn’t believe his luck. 

Admiring his handiwork, he extended his hand, palm up, off the side of his mattress into the space between their beds. They were now close enough that they could hold hands as they watched the rain fall. She hadn’t yet managed to allow herself to come closer. 

Bringing her hand over to his, she brushed each of his fingertips with each one of her own in turn, sending a pleasant chill down his arm with each tactile caress.

Their hands were the only part of the other they could touch without sending her into a quivering panic, but they’d made the most of it. By now they could recognise each other by touch alone, every line and vein in their hands indelibly committed to memory. 

Interlacing his fingers loosely with hers, they stroked them together gently. She closed her eyes for a moment, focusing on the sensation of his skin dragging over hers, then looked over mischievously. She extracted her hand and sat up in bed. 

“Now, first question of the day; can I manage to get dressed without any magic?“ She smirked over at him as she lifted her loose sleep shirt over her head, tossing it to the floor. 

“Considering, you did every day this week, and the previous two, I’m sure you’ll have no difficulty. But, if you feel you need the practice, I don’t mind at all.” Loki hummed in appreciation as he watched her remove her bra in a similar fashion, leaving her breasts on display for him. 

When she’d mastered enough magic to get her reasonably through the day, she’d moved on to trying simple tasks without it. The fact that she found it much easier to do things with him watching had been rather awkward at first, as he tried to maintain a respectful composure. It didn’t take long for her to tell him to knock it off — reminding him of the very explicit list of items he’d agreed to help her with. Though it also included a bunch of less interesting tasks, such as selecting food (other than field rations) in the cafeteria, anyone could have helped her with that . It wasn’t primarily what she needed from him. 

His reactions in particular, were of keen interest to her. 

“Shall I stop here?” She examined his face as she always did, watching how his dilated eyes flicked between her mouth and her hardening nipples; how his tongue darted out slightly to lick his top lip as he contemplated what it would be like to take one into his mouth. 

“I’d rather you didn’t, but it’s up to you,” he replied contentedly, rolling to his side to face her and propping his head up with his hand. 

It didn’t take another second and she was already kicking her shorts off in a random direction, leaving only her underwear in place. 

He exhaled slowly as he raked his eyes over her body, intentionally making his actions more pronounced than he normally would have. She needed to see it.

Throwing back his covers with a sweep of his arm he tore off his own shirt in one fluid motion, then extended his hand out to her again. She smiled and lay down on her side as well. Reaching out to him, he began to trace circles in her palm, spiraling out and back in again. 

Often, they’d be content to linger here a while as each studied the other with serene affection, but today she had a more specific goal in mind. 

Now shirtless, she could more easily see his chest move as his breathing picked up in response to her running two fingers along the underside of her breasts, and then up to circle a nipple, mimicking his motion in her hand. 

Nearly purring over at her, he fixed his eyes on her single remaining piece of clothing. “Do I get to see any more?” 

He loved to gently push her when she seemed relaxed,  while staying ready to pull back if he detected any hesitation on her part. The only thing he didn’t test was the distance between them. It remained her most challenging obstacle, and the reason they had to make do with their look, but don’t touch, physical relationship.

“How ‘bout, you first,” she smirked, running her eyes down his body. 

“Happy to accommodate,” he lowered his hand to his crotch, caused his shorts to disappear in a flash and removed his hand again so she could view his slowly swelling cock.

She watched it with curiosity as it gradually became more rigid, curving out and upwards. He knew she was enjoying what they were doing but it wasn’t quite lust that he saw when he studied her face. He on the other hand, had enough of that for the both of them, and was very much hopeful it would eventually prove to be contagious. 

A flash of lightning preceded a deep rumble that Loki could feel faintly vibrate throughout his body. She was getting good at that. To this point, they hadn’t tried using magic to overcome their sexual difficulties, but the option was there. He could see her working her way up to it at the rate she was going.  

A couple fingers slid through the side of her underwear was enough for her to push them down to her knees as she lifted her hips, fulfilling her part of the bargain. 

Loki’s breath hitched as he took her in; cock twitching in response, it drew her eyes again. He focused on her face, the feel of her fingertips on the back of his hand. He ignored the ache between his legs for now. 

“Do you like what you see?” She asked, half teasing, half genuine inquiry.

“Very much so,” he panted. 

She’d begun to massage her breast in a way he found deliciously compelling, cupping it and flicking her nipple now and then with her thumb. 

A low moan escaped his lips, she was growing bolder and it was driving him far too close to an edge he didn’t want to step off of just yet. Not until he could take her with him. 

Biting her lip, she slowly brought her hand down and stroked her fingers through her soft curls. She looked over at him questioningly. 

It was just the permission he needed to run his fingertips lightly over the back of his cock, immediately sending tingles of pleasure up his spine. 

They hadn’t gotten further than this, but she pressed her tongue firmly to her upper lip, determined to take another step forward. 

His hips jerked as he witnessed her timidly wiggle a finger into her folds, letting it rest just above her clit; cock seeking friction, he allowed himself a single firm stoke into his palm.

The resulting grunt he let out almost made him miss that X-9 was now sitting up, face down in her knees, taking in shaky breaths. 

It wasn’t unexpected by any means. He took his hand away from his cock and propped himself up on his side. “Enough for now?” He said casually. Excessive concern wasn’t helpful, he’d learned. 

She grit her teeth, and lifted her head, “Why…” She shook her head, “I know when I look at you, that I’m not feeling the way you do… that I don’t feel what I’m supposed to.” 

“I don’t think there’s a supposed to.” He replied softly. 

She let out a breath, “If I asked you, right now , to come over here, you would?” Sitting up straighter, she absentmindedly crossed her legs in a way that left him with an all too enticing view. 

He averted his eyes as his cock hardened more. He needed to get a hold of himself before he quite literally took hold of himself. This was a serious conversation. 

“Yes,” he said, sucking in a breath, “I know I can’t.” He nearly whined out the last word before catching himself. 

She rubbed her hand over her arm in  “But there’s nothing holding you back, nothing stopping you?”

He swallowed thickly, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do.” 

Wasn’t that the truth. 

Nodding slowly, she pursed her lips, “Maybe the problem isn’t what I’m not feeling,” she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, “It’s… like someone’s watching me — they’re still watching me.” 

“I promise you, they’re not,” he said, trying to comfort her with his eyes. 

She took a shaky breath, chastising herself, “I know… they’re gone — never real anyway.”

“The people who hurt you are very real, but they’re locked away now,” he reminded her gently.

She nodded, trying to internalize the knowledge as she ran her hands firmly over her face, pushing back her dark, sleep tousled curls (falling nearly to her shoulders now).

Sitting up, he dressed himself in a flash; subduing his slightly disappointed erection in the process. 

“Hungry?” 

Throwing her legs off the far side of her bed (away from him), she stood up and stretched, determined to shift her mood in a more positive direction, “Yeah, think I’ll take a shower first, though.” 

“Need me to watch?” He asked it without a trace of flirtation to avoid exciting himself again.

She smiled at him appreciatively, “I think I’ve tortured you enough for now.” 

He couldn’t resist giving her a cheeky grin in response, “A punishment I’m quite happy to submit to as always.” 

That ill advised sentence sent another rush of blood downwards. He was having a bit of trouble calming himself this morning, it had been a while. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel guilty for not being able to take things further. “You make me feel good no matter what we’re doing,” he assured her. It was the truth. 

She pursed her lips and moulded them into a smile, “Good to hear, I—

She’d thanked him for his presence and his patience so many times before, somehow words just didn’t seem like enough anymore. He always said it was he who should be thanking her, anyway.

—I’ll head to the shower, won’t be long.” 

Remaining undressed for the short walk to the bathroom, she stepped purposefully into the shower stall, turning the water on immediately. 

She was fine on her own now, or had been. 

Pausing just a moment too long under the warm spray her thoughts wandered back to the creeping feeling that had spoiled their morning fun. 

She resisted the sudden impulse to cover herself — from what?  

Shaking off the unease, she grabbed the soap, rubbing it to a lather and gliding it over her body. 

He wasn’t far. 

Setting it aside she continued with only her hands, trying to relax under her own touch. 

If she needed him, he’d be there. 

She moved her flattened palm over her nipples as she tried to recall the dream she’d woken up from that morning. She had begun to dream of him more frequently, and this one was… 

He was next to her, kissing her, holding her — shielding her from prying eyes. 

She squeezed her breasts gently, working them in a way she knew he’d like. 

He was on top of her, pressing into her. Thrusting. 

It would feel good, her brain wanted to tell her. How it would actually feel, she didn’t know. Any frame of reference she might have had, had been locked away with the rest of her memories. 

She slid her hand down, tapping her finger just above her slit. 

She had been aroused when she woke up that morning. Her dream had seemed so real and free and private. Like it was only the two of them. 

For once. 

She felt a slight ache as her clit swelled again, the tapping of her finger felt good. If only she could relax — let it happen. 

But it was wrong, so so wrong. They were watching. They would see. 

X-12, the new X-12 turned her head towards her and smiled. A genuine, wide, beautiful smile, that went right to her eyes — and standing almost too close. 

X-9 waivered, let her guard down, didn’t step away. She smiled back, not as wide, but she let herself feel happy for a moment, let an unusual flutter bloom in her stomach. 

Maybe they wouldn’t notice. Sometimes they didn’t, it was so subtle. They weren’t really that close, weren’t really too ‘friendly’. 

But the timekeepers knew everything, saw everything. How could they not know?  

They'd gotten away with it, the first time. The day before that had been so amazing; it must have been why she had faltered. 

The previous X-12 had achieved the goal they were all working towards. A place monitoring The Sacred Timeline. Whenever that happened, they would all celebrate. They’d get the day off, eat a wonderful meal, more food than they could eat, and delicious. They’d sing songs together (each still restricted to their own space) and were allowed to talk with each other, really talk, not just mouth professional courtesies. All day the screens on the wall would display all the wonderful things on the timeline they were learning to protect. 

But any other time. 

Neither of them had been punished for that first transgression. She thought they’d gotten away with it — until X-12 had to walk through her space again. 

X-12 smiled and blushed as soon as she met X-9’s eyes.

X-9 felt a rush through her whole body at the sight, her heart beating faster, warmth spread through her. 

She didn’t push it away as their eyes locked, not fast enough. 

X-12 looked at her shyly, negligently reaching out, “I know we’re not supposed to say this, but it’s really nice having you so close—

A jolt of pain ran through her arm, and she saw X-12 wince as her words were cut short. Just a warning, she was used to the pain. They were ok, it wouldn’t happen again. 

Pushing away the thought of what came next, she started stroking down towards her clit, almost too sensitive, almost painful. 

Relax, relax, relax. 

She pulled her hand away with a start, adrenaline spiking, as she saw the door of the bathroom open through the frosted glass door of the shower. 

“Everything ok?” 

Loki, just Loki, who else would it be?

Breathing heavily she reassured him, “Fine — yes, almost done.” 

Catching her breath she lifted her face to let the water run over it. Maybe she would ask him to watch her again tomorrow. He always helped keep them away. 

One step forward… two steps back. 

“Breakfast is served,” Loki said with a flourish, teleporting a cold protein shake onto the coffee table in front of X-9, who sat to one side of the couch. 

The shake was TVA standard rations, packed with just enough calories, vitamins and protein to get you through the morning, and could be reasonably consumed in under five minutes. The bottle it came out of claimed it was chocolate, but it tasted more like vanilla, and included an aftertaste that lasted about as long as the energy boost. 

X-9 didn’t particularly like it, but it was familiar, and what she’d been used to, so that’s what she stuck to for now. The thought of having something else wasn’t a large source of anxiety, but she had decided it was best to work on one issue at a time. 

“You know you don’t have to do that anymore, I can pour my own unappealing liquid breakfast.”

“I quite enjoy doing things for you though,” he caused a thick straw to appear above the glass and gently lower itself into the shake. Then, cupping his hand as if holding a ball, he tossed up an imaginary object, only to catch a very real apple as it fell from the spot in mid-air he’d caused it to appear. “And perhaps you can return the favour?” He said, before taking a satisfying bite and plunking down in the brown corduroy upholstered armchair at the end of the couch. 

“Right, tomorrow I get to eat something palatable for breakfast. How will I manage to get through the morning without the taste of a bitter, unplaceable something stuck in the back of my throat.”

She picked up the glass and took a long sip through the straw. She’d learned to down it quickly for various reasons, though taste wasn’t one of them. It lingered just as long either way. 

He crunched down another bite of the apple, “A burden I am quite happy to share, did you have anything planned?”

“I do.”

“And?”

“You’ll find out.” She smirked over at him, she hoped he’d be pleasantly surprised by what she chose, but for now she had even bigger plans in mind.

Concentrating on the spot on the carpet on the other side of the room she slowly formed a translucent image of herself – her duplicate – gradually filling it in until it was fully opaque. 

He gestured towards it with the apple in his hand as he swallowed to free up his mouth, “You're getting better at that, did you want to try adding motion?” 

She gave him a playful side eye, set down her drink and then concentrated until her duplicate threw its arms out to the sides in one of his favourite gestures. “I wanted to surprise you.”

“You never fail to impress me, My Love, but I’m never surprised by your success,” he gazed over at her adoringly. 

She rolled her eyes at him (an expression that pleased him to no end), “Laying it on pretty thick today?”

“Not at all, you are picking everything up at a phenomenal rate, you deserve all the praise in the world. Luckily for you, I’m right here to give it to you,” he said, laying a hand on his chest for emphasis. 

“In that case, can you cast your duplicate too? There’s something I've been wanting to try.”

Intrigued, Loki sent his mostly eaten apple back into his pocket dimension, and soon an exact duplicate of himself was standing obediently beside his chair. 

X-9 motioned with her hand, “Can you move him closer to mine?”

Warily Loki commanded his duplicate to move nearer to where X-9’s was standing over by the wall, but was careful to stay at least two arms lengths away. 

“You can move him closer, it’s not like I’m actually over there,” she said dismissively. 

Loki sat back in the armchair, “I think I’ll let you take it the rest of the way.”

She took a deep breath, “Ok, here goes.” 

At her instruction her duplicate took a step closer to his, and then another, until it was forced to look up to see Loki’s illusory face. 

“Excellent. How are you feeling now?”

“No problems so far,” she picked up her shake and took an unenthusiastic sip, trying to appear nonchalant, then motioned for her duplicate to take Loki’s virtual hand. She looked over at him thoughtfully, “Can you show me what you’d do if… it was actually us over there?”

“Are you sure?” He furrowed his brow.

“Try me, I’m feeling bold today,” she said, sipping back a mouthful of shake. 

“Alright,” he smiled at her fondly, then stared across the room to where his duplicate was now slowly encircling her’s around the waist. Carefully watching her face for any hint of distress he lowered his duplicate’s face and caused it to kiss her’s on the forehead. 

“All good?”

“Yeah, how ‘bout that. It doesn’t bother me at all when I see a completely virtual image of us in close proximity to each other on the other side of the room.” She sighed, “I guess if it was really going to bother me, just seeing Loki and Sylvie together would set me on edge.”

He huffed out a laugh, it didn’t bother him any more either. 

Not much anyway. 

“Still, you're making progress, that’s the main thing.”

“Ok, but I’m going to see how far I can take this, can you follow my lead?”

Loki nodded and watched as her duplicate gazed up at his duplicate’s eyes and hesitantly closed the distance between them. 

“Very nice,” he beamed over at her. 

She grinned back at him proudly, then bit her lip, gazing longingly at the illusion of the two of them with lips locked together. She whispered under her breath, mostly to herself, “...and one more step—

Energy exploded from her hands the moment she tried to look through her duplicate’s eyes, seeing his face barely inches away. She sent enough force out to tip over the couch she was sitting on; it landed with a hard thump, and she instinctively brought her feet over her head to somersault backwards and right herself on the carpet as she fell. 

Looking apologetically over the seat of the couch, she saw what had become of her drink; it was now splattered over the one side of the room, with Loki having taken the brunt of it. 

“You know, if you wanted me to try it that badly…” he swiped some of the thick liquid off the side of his face and licked it off his finger. “And now I have, and never need to do that again.”

Placing her hands under the back of the couch she lifted it with little effort, righting it again. “Either of us, sorry, I need to stop doing that when I get startled.”

Loki refreshed his clothing with a wave of his hand, then looked around, flicking a hand now and then to clean up the various surfaces that had been unexpectedly painted. “You tried to look through your duplicate’s eyes, didn’t you?”

She exhaled slowly, “It’s so disorienting… and then you were right there.” She massaged her temples, fingers digging in to release the tension. “I really don’t know how you manage more than one at a time.” 

He laughed, “Believe it or not I had much the same reaction you did. I was focused on getting one of them to walk through a crowded dining hall without actually moving through someone. When I went to add the other — off in the woods — one of Thor’s idiot friends swung an axe at my duplicate’s head. He claimed later he knew it wasn’t the real me, but I never let my guard down around him again.”

“Really? What did you do when it happened?” 

He laughed at himself, “I nearly knocked myself off the south tower. Luckily Heimdal was there to catch me. He suggested I stick to practicing magic closer to the ground after that.”

She smiled, he was pretty good at making her feel better about herself. 

“Are you ok now?”

“I think so, mostly just… frustrated.”

Her duplicate had disappeared the moment she sent out the energy burst, but Loki’s remained in place.

It pointed out various spots of X-9’s sort-of-chocolate shake he’d missed on the walls and the carpet, as Loki made them disappear in a flash. 

“You missed a spot,” his duplicate chastised. 

“I see it, thank you!” Came Loki’s snippy reply.

She laughed at the sight, he couldn’t resist arguing with himself even when his other self wasn’t real. Of course he also knew it made her laugh, either way. 

Heartened, she screwed up her courage again. 

Her duplicate peeled off from her body and walked quickly towards Loki’s, grabbing its arm and pulling his virtual face into her own, silencing it. 

Taking a deep breath she looked over at the real him, blushing at the look of complete adoration he gave her in return. 

She turned back to their kissing duplicates, now moving their lips eagerly over the other’s, “Someday — soon, it’ll be soon.” She didn’t dare to look through her duplicate’s eyes again. 

“Don’t rush, it’ll happen when you’re ready.” Pressing two fingers to his lips he stretched out his arm towards her. 

She grinned, bringing her own fingertips to her lips and then firmly matching them against his, holding them there, “I’m definitely ready to be ready,” she sighed, and guided his duplicate into a tight embrace. 

No workaround for that. 

Furrowing her brow she pulled back her hand and stared down at the fingertips they’d pressed in a surrogate kiss. 

“Why can I touch your hand? Why was I able to do that, when I didn’t even know you? Try and make that make sense.” 

Folding his hands together, Loki tried to recall just how she’d looked that day. “I don’t know… I remember you seemed… incredibly lost, I’d say. And… angry, perhaps. You hid it well.”  

“Angry?” She let that word sink in for a moment. 

He nodded, “And determined,” he laughed, “I didn’t think you’d give my hand back.” 

She smiled, “I almost didn’t — and when I came out of that meeting and saw the timekeeper poster taken down; I knew it was you.” She shook her head, “I waited so long to feel your hand again, I thought going the rest of the way would be just as easy.” 

“Was that easy?” 

She shrugged, “Comparably, I suppose — I did it. I guess in that moment, I found a way not to care? And then after… I knew I had done it once, so I just kept telling myself I could do it again.” 

“Whatever you did, it worked.” 

“Yeah,” she sniffed. Her lip trembled. “But you’re not a stranger anymore. I know you now, I…” she scrunched her eyes closed, “love you now.” She shook her head bitterly, but no tears escaped her eyes, “I should be able to do that.”  She pointed towards their tightly embracing duplicates before them. 

“What’s the trick?” 

Loki took a deep breath, he was good at tricks; he really wished a trick was all she needed. 

“Maybe you’ll gain some insight today. You never know.” 

She nodded, her group therapy session was a couple hours away. They were still meeting once a week. X-47 had said some things at the last one that made her think, X-24 was making real progress. X-12… the third one she’d known, said he felt like a different person already. 

X-12 (0.13) : RESET - DECOMMISSIONED 

Cause : INAPPROPRIATE INTERACTION with X-9 (0.7)

She never saw that X-12 again, the one who made her feel so… alive. And they sure as hell made sure she knew why. Every morning they’d display her list of offensives, X-12 right at the top. 

Her fault. 

They never really told them what ‘Decommissioned’ meant, and it had always made her imagination run wild. Often, people would be reset and show up again the next day (with no memory of what happened before), or be reassigned somewhere else. 

She knew now it likely meant pruned.

Loki didn’t miss her reddening eyes, “Are you alright?” He reconsidered, “No, sorry, scratch that. I mean, do you want to talk about what’s obviously not alright?” 

Trying to drive the memory from her immediate thoughts, she rubbed her eyes, “Later. I’ll see what the others have to say. Maybe it’ll help. Will I see you for lunch?” She asked casually, changing the subject. 

He hummed, “My schedule is fairly light this morning, so…”

She broke in before he had a chance to commit himself, “Sylvie’s going to meet me in the cafeteria after my session.” 

About fifteen excuses wanted to burst from his lips at once, “H-ah, well- um…” he exhaled. It seemed he’d lost the energy for pointless subterfuge. 

She raised an eyebrow, “Sudden change of plans?” 

He blushed furiously, “I’ll spare you the awkwardness, just enjoy yourselves.” 

Withdrawing her duplicate, she dismissed it suddenly, leaving his standing alone (and quietly pouting at the loss) for a few seconds before being sent away with a flick of Loki’s hand.

She crossed her arms, “The awkwardness has been going on since I’ve known you. Do you need me to ask you the same question you just asked me?”

Did he want to talk about it? He wasn’t really sure what it was anyway. He wasn’t pining for Sylvie anymore, he had a wonderful new relationship. If they didn’t really know how to act around one another — well — it wasn’t a big deal, they’d both moved on. 

“I’ll take the same answer for now, we can get into that later,” he replied evasively. Much later, if he had a choice in the matter. 

She looked at him pointedly, “Fair enough, just expect you-know-who to go looking for you when you're not there.”

Loki sighed, laughing to himself, “Always do.”

Chapter Text

X-9 slipped her hand out of Loki’s as she gave him one last playful smile and disappeared into the training room where she and the other survivors met every week or so. The morning’s set-back seemed forgotten, and he was always encouraged to see her bounce back so quickly. He could barely remember what was said (or even who had said it), but the both of them had spent a fair amount of time trying to catch their breath after being sent into painful hysterics.

The prolonged laughter had done them both an enormous amount of good, and it was with a slight spring in his step he proceeded down the hall. 

It was still a bit of a walk to the section where they conducted the memory restorations, and where his desk was located. 

He passed many fellow workers as he went, a couple hunters, some analysts, and a number of the various service workers that kept everything running. Each gave him a brief greeting of some kind; most were faces he saw regularly. It was still a strange experience to find himself almost universally respected (even if it was begrudgingly in some cases). On Asgard, if he’d had any, it was only due to being second in line for the throne. Though upon reflection he wasn’t certain how much of that was truth and how much was only his own perception. 

One hunter emerged from a doorway, strode over eagerly and gave him a swat on the arm with the back of his hand. 

“Hey, you’re looking chipper this morning.”  

Loki grinned, “I suppose I am Linus.“ 

The hunter cringed immediately, “Ugh, let’s stick with S-40 for now. What kind of name is Linus for a hunter anyway?”

“Seems like a perfectly serviceable name to me,” Loki offered.

“You would think that,” he scowled, grumbling dismissively, “Far too many people around here read Peanuts for my liking.”

“Is that anything like reading entrails because I thought humans would have gotten past that by now?”

S-40 gave his head a shake with a short laugh, “Not even close. And if you don’t know what it is, you’re not gonna find it out from me.”

Loki was intrigued but let the matter drop. Someone would fill him in on the joke eventually. He looked S-40 up and down, taking in his armour with approval, “Are you back to work then?” 

S-40 nodded, “Just guard duty. All I have to do is sit around and watch some prisoners.”

“Prisoners you say?” Loki raised an eyebrow, a slight edge in his voice.

S-40 didn’t miss the change in Loki’s demeanor. He folded his arms, “Yeah, and I think you can guess which ones.”

Loki certainly could. The only prisoners S-40 would think he would care about, the researchers responsible for the experiments carried out on X-9 and the others. 

“N.D.?” 

He inquired through clenching teeth, using the abbreviation that had caught on as a much less ominous way to refer to the ‘Nightmare Department’. 

S-40 tapped the side of his nose, “I think I have my work cut out for me.” 

Loki lowered his voice, “That likely to escape, are they?” 

“Oh I’m not worried at all about that; they’re locked up good and tight. My job is to protect them from anyone who might want to take justice into their own hands.”

Loki huffed out a laugh, “So from me then?”

“Pretty much. Not that I’m stupid enough to believe I could stop you if you wanted to try something, but I would appreciate it if you didn’t tear them to teeny tiny pieces — as a personal favour. At least not on my watch,” he requested, only half joking.

Loki inhaled sharply, giving S-40 a sly look, “If I ever decide to dispatch with that vermin I’ll be sure to carefully check your schedule.” 

“All I ask,” he said with a smile.  

Loki bid S-40 good day — and a playfully sinister ‘Good luck’ — and paused for a moment as he watched him proceed down the hallway. 

Taking revenge on those that had caused X-9 and the others so much torment had, for some reason, not been on his mind for a while. He had become somewhat committed to the idea of due process and second chances, he certainly had had enough of his own. Not to mention, he was something of a leader (if informally) in their fledgling society, so he did feel some responsibility to abide by the rules — the ones that made sense, at least.

Despite all that he knew that one word from X-9, and not a single one of them would see the light of another day. She hadn’t mentioned them directly, however, and he didn’t want to bring attention to anything that might cause her more distress.  

He banished the thought and continued on his way. Revenge tended not to work out well in his experience. It was probably best forgotten. 

Loki removed his fingers from the temple of his latest patient, the elderly Senior Archivist (apparently named Grace), who had grown much more fond of him over the five or so times he’d delicately pushed against the mental barriers set in place by the TVA. Many small taps against the wall over a period of time had proven more manageable for everyone. 

“Thank you again, young man, didn’t hurt a bit.”

“I’m not as young as I look,” he smirked at her. 

“None of us are ,” she said with a wink, hopping out of the reclining chair she was sitting in and proceeding out the door at a brisk pace to return to her beloved duties.  

Analyst Maria Hill — who it turned out was an excellent fit for a job that included managing three mischief gods — arrived at his desk almost before he had a chance to sit down. 

“Hey, I hate to do this, but all of these have missing forms,” she said, drawing attention to the large stack of files she was holding.

He sighed, “Yes, fine , I’ll take a look at that—

“Today? Today is the word I think you’re looking for,” Maria asserted with eyebrows raised. 

Loki rolled his eyes, grumbling, “Yes, today.”

He quickly opened the top drawer of his desk and pulled out a packaged sandwich he’d grabbed to eat, avoiding a trip to the cafeteria. No need to disturb X-9 with his and Sylvie’s awkwardness (at least that’s what he tried to tell himself). 

“I enchanted fifteen people this morning, I think I’ve earned a lunch break.” 

Maria plunked the stack down on his desk, “Nice work, but that’s fifteen more sets of files that need to be updated,” she tapped her finger on the stack, “I’ll send these to your room. Can I expect you’ll bring them back tomorrow, completed in full?” 

He waffled, “Hmm, can you expect it? Well , if history is any indication…”

Maria huffed out a pleased laugh, she was used to Loki’s procrastination. Fortunately for her, she knew just how to push him towards productivity. 

“Need I remind you that you wouldn’t have been able to handle fifteen if we weren’t keeping track of all this stuff so we could figure out what works and what doesn’t. Now , if you would actually attend meetings with Loki and Sylvie more often it might not be as big of an issue.” 

Loki cringed internally, “You’ll have them tomorrow.” 

“Good to hear.” 

She glanced behind him as the sound of metal scraping on metal echoed through the room, not for the first time that day. She leaned in discreetly, and whispered, “I might not be a Shield Agent anymore, but I’ve got a feeling something’s up with that one.” She directed him to the other side of the room with a flick of her eyes and a subtle lift of her chin.

Loki took the cue and glanced over his shoulder at a maintenance worker, seemingly struggling with a large metal plate that covered an electrical panel set into the wall. He had been banging around in the area for most of the morning by that point. 

“Couldn’t hurt to introduce myself,” he suggested. 

She gave him a subtle nod in understanding, patted him on the shoulder and casually walked off to pop the stack of files into the sending station of the pneumatic transport system. 

Not wasting any time, he disappeared from his chair in a flash and reappeared across the room, right behind the maintenance worker. 

The man let out a startled yelp at Loki’s sudden appearance and put his hand to his chest. “Ah, sorry,” he stammered, trying to take a breath, “was I making too much noise?” 

Loki regarded him suspiciously, looking for any indication it was actually the other Loki in disguise. The man was sporting a bushy unkempt beard, and had longish grey hair that poked out of a well worn short brimmed hat; Loki had never seen him before. 

There were differences between him and the other Loki to be sure, but he wasn’t convinced they were different enough that his counterpart would consider spending the morning with his nose stuck in a dusty panel a good time. 

“Having some trouble?” Loki inquired with a cordial, though somewhat amused, smile.

The man appeared to relax a bit at the offer, “ Heh, yeah. First week — retraining , getting too old for this, I guess.”  

“I see . Just thought you might need some help?” Loki placed his hand on the heavy metal plate and slid it up so the holes in the panel lined up with those on the wall.

The man hurriedly grabbed four mounting bolts and screwed them in place. “Thanks. Don’t know who’d design something like this, it’s a two person job at the very least.” 

Loki scrutinized the man’s face. He no longer suspected Loki, but there was something else he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Then again, it could just be as the man said, he was nervous because he was new (and thrown to the wolves apparently). 

“Certainly inefficient. You should speak to your supervisor about not sending you out alone.”

“I think I’ll do that. Well, looks like I can finally leave you in peace, I’ll be on my way. 8540 is what they call me. Used to be a Minuteman, no letters for us,” he bent down to throw assorted tools back in his bag, “Lucky me, I only got four digits to deal with.” 

Standing up, he wiped his dusty hands off on his jacket and held one out.

“Loki,” he said, offering his name (and hand) in return, “If you’re ever interested in learning your real name, you know where to find me.” 

“Oh gosh, I think I’m too set in my ways for any of that nonsense. Hard enough learning a new skill set without a bunch of memories from some past life gettin’ in the way. Call me whatever you like, doesn’t make a difference to me.”

“As you wish,” Loki nodded politely and returned to his desk, satisfied that the man presented no threat (of either violence or hijinks). He’d fill Maria in on that later, wondering if she had some reason to have her guard up or if it was just her Shield training coming to the surface.  

Picking up his sandwich, he lifted the bread to take a peek inside; he really couldn’t tell what kind of canned meat or fish (or bizarre combination thereof) salad it contained. Taking a bite with a shrug, he found it tasted well enough. 

He sighed, it would have tasted even better eating it with X-9. 

After performing a few more memory restoration procedures, and working through a good chunk of his paperwork (sending the remainder along to his room to join the hefty pile Maria had sent over), he left his desk to head back home in the hopes that X-9 would be back and give him one reason or another to neglect his homework once again. 

Passing a few people as he moved down the corridor, one analyst in particular caught his eye. The face of the young man was vaguely familiar, but seemed out of place for some reason. 

His suspicions were confirmed when he saw a minuteman with the exact same face, and a few minutes later a field agent. It was then he remembered why the face was so familiar — it was the likeness of an elf he’d had a crush on when he was in his hundredth year or so, and who absolutely hated his guts. He had to admit that may have been part of the appeal. 

Taking the opportunity as the young man passed, yet again (and ridiculously wearing judges robes), Loki lunged at him, pinning him against the wall with his forearm. The illusion melted away almost as soon as he hit the wall and Loki found himself staring back at his own face.

“Spying again are we?” Loki accused him. Not bothering to release his grasp.

His counterpart looked back with a pleased expression on his face, making no attempt to extract himself from Loki’s hold, “I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out.”

Loki curled up the corner of his mouth, “It didn’t, I just thought if I ignored you, you’d get tired of it and go away.”

“You’d be disappointed if I wasn’t. It is nice to see you so happy for a change.”

Loki dropped his arm and stepped back, giving him some space. “I’m always happy,” he deadpanned, “don’t you have anything better to do right now?”

“No actually, nothing scheduled for today and Sylvie is having some kind of girl time with X-9 so I thought I’d come bother you for a bit.”

Loki smirked, “Feeling left out, are we?”

“Hmm, it's lovely to see them getting along so well. We better watch ourselves though, they might decide they enjoy each other’s company more than ours and we’ll be out on our asses,” he smirked.

Loki rolled his eyes, “That seems like more of a you problem. You know it is possible not to have a relationship built on constant antagonism.”

“You and X-9 certainly seem to have achieved an enviable level of domestic bliss, but my relationship with Sylvie isn’t as volatile as it appears from the outside.” 

“Then perhaps we should be grateful we have each other to annoy and work off the excess mischief.” 

“I knew you’d come around,” he moved closer and brushed the side of Loki’s neck with his fingertips while running his thumb over his jaw seductively. 

Toying with the sexual tension between them had become part of their game (mostly since Loki had moved in with X-9 and his mood had brightened considerably). They both knew nothing more was going to happen without explicit permission from Sylvie and X-9, and he was far too entranced by X-9 to be interested in seeking it. 

He didn’t flinch away from the touch, but didn’t respond to it either, “Did you just come here to flirt, or is there something else you wanted?”

His counterpart sighed in resignation, “No, I do have something to tell you,” he dropped his eyes to the floor, then looked up and grinned widely, “but you’ll have to catch me first.” 

With that, he disappeared in a flash, hoping to tempt Loki into a magical game of cat and mouse. 

Loki let out a long suffering sigh. The easiest thing to do would be to simply stand in place, wait for him to get bored, and come back. 

But really, where was the fun in that?  

Six copies of himself emerged from his body and set off in all directions. Overkill perhaps – but this was a competition of sorts, it always was. Not that they were trying to win anything in particular. And absolutely no one cared how many duplicates they could puppet concurrently without getting a blazing headache, or how small of a crack they could teleport through.

No one but the two of them that is. 

Having been each other, they understood each other better than anyone else, and despite there being an unknown number of variants who had emerged from their timeline, they were the only two he knew of that had shared in the most pivotal moments of their life. 

It was both comforting and unsettling. They often saw things in the other they’d rather keep hidden, as well as things they didn’t even know were there in the first place. 

Catching up with him wasn’t all that difficult, he’d made himself fairly easy to find. Just enough of a challenge to make things interesting. At one point his counterpart teleported into one of the flying transport vehicles with Loki hot on his trail.

It wasn’t difficult for Loki to talk the transport driver into giving chase (it wasn’t the first time he had). The middle aged woman at the wheel was only too happy to have a break from the monotony, and she gleefully accelerated in pursuit of the other commandeered vehicle (which was piloted with equal jubilance).

At last he saw his other self teleport onto an upper balcony of the main promenade, he followed close behind. 

Planning to announce his triumph (and needle Loki for making it so easy), he paused. 

His counterpart was leaning over the railing staring regretfully down at a clean-cut man with light brown hair, sitting at a table on the lower balcony, and drinking a coffee. 

“Coulson?” Loki stated gravely.

“Yes – one that survived apparently.”

“Did we… ah…”

His other self nodded, “Our variant attempted to do him in. Not as effectively mind you. It’s probably what caused his nexus event.”

“Does he know?” Loki asked, placing a hand on the railing, but keeping himself tuned to his counterpart to avoid drawing Coulson’s attention.

“Some. He’ll know more when I explain the full extent of our misdeeds.”

Loki closed his eyes, remembering the moment aboard the helicarrier when he’d run the man through with his sceptre. Self defence seemed a feeble excuse considering the power differential between them. Agent Coulson’s elaborate weapon had really only hurt his pride, but not as much as being forced to review his actions with a clear head. Even blaming the intensifying effects of the mind stone didn’t make him feel any better; he knew what he did. 

“Do you want me to go with you?”

His counterpart waved him off, “I’ll take care of it, I just thought you should know. You’ll likely run into him at some point.”

“Please tell me you’re not going to restore his memories yourself,” Loki implored him. 

“No, we’re not looking for a repeat of what happened with Maria, Sylvie’s got this one.”

Reassured, Loki nodded, then stood mesmerized by the flying vehicles floating by for a couple minutes, lost in thought, before looking back over, “It’s really not so bad to have someone to share this sometimes unpleasant business with.”

His counterpart nodded sadly, “You know, maybe if Sylvie and I had been a little more settled you could have…”

Loki pushed himself away from the railing, “Are you kidding? She would have kicked the both of us out after the first day. We can’t stop competing with each other as it is –  we do much better in very small doses. Anyway it’s all worked out for the better.”

“I'm glad it has,” his other self crossed his arms and leaned back against the railing, “ now , if you would just tag along with X-9 when she visits Sylvie, I wouldn’t feel like such a third wheel. It’d save me the trip to come find you.”

Loki smirked at him, “I’m sure they’re both glad for some time away from us – Sylvie in particular.”

His other self didn’t bother returning the jab, he had other things he wanted to dig into. Things Loki would prefer to keep buried. He stepped forward and grabbed Loki lightly by the arm, looking him directly in the eye, “Is that the only reason?”

 Loki glared back at him, “Yes,” he stated firmly. 

“I just thought – maybe – you and Sylvie should think about working out your issues sooner than later,” he released his grip.  

Loki growled, paced a few steps away, then turned back, “We did . I apologised, she apologised, what more is there to do?” 

His variant wasn’t backing down this time, “Well something obviously, since you keep avoiding her like some sort of Midgardian plague.”

Loki sighed, rubbing his hand over his forehead. “I’m not – I just…”

Abandoning his excuse and going on the offensive, he decided to goad him instead, “And how much time exactly would you like me to spend with your girlfriend.” 

His counterpart rolled his eyes at him, he was evading the question and they both knew it. 

“Maybe enough so that the two of you can be in the same room for more than five minutes. The tension between you is thick enough to slice with a dagger, you’re making poor Mobius uncomfortable.”

“Mobius? Really? Since when is he surprised by anything we do?”

“Casey then.”

“More believable.”

Loki took a deep breath and turned to look out over the balcony.

His counterpart stood in place, crossing his arms, “You never did tell us exactly what happened to you when you got caught in that time loop.”

Loki's mind shied away from the memory. The sheer agony of having every fibre in his body shift in time at differing rates – literally being torn to pieces – and reassembled good as new, all the while maintaining a clear (and desperately unwelcome) consciousness. 

He never knew what he’d find when he got there, and never knew when it’d happen all over again. 

And never expected it to end. 

Loki knit his eyebrows together, voice nearly breaking into a sob, “It… wasn’t pleasant… just be glad I warned you away from it.”

His variant approached and gingerly laid a hand on the shoulder closest to him. Leaning in he spoke softly, “I am grateful you know – for what you did.”

Loki nodded, pursing his lips. He didn’t look over to see the redness in his counterpart's eyes, “So you’ve said.”

“I just think you picked up a heavier burden there than you know. I can see the difference in you.”

Loki sniffed, “I suppose that’s the nature of the multiverse. We were never going to stay the same.”

He took his hand away. “Just remember, while you’re helping X-9, to take care of yourself as well.”

Loki put on an earnest smile to reassure him (and himself somewhat), “I truly feel better than I ever have – when someone isn’t irritating me constantly.”

“It’s just so much fun though,” his counterpart grinned

Loki hummed, “You sure took your time finding me, don’t you think Sylvie will be looking for you by now?”

“I guess I should get back,” he said, gazing out at the vastness of the TVA, then turning back to Loki. “See you next time I’m spying on you.”

Loki huffed out a laugh, “Try not to be so obvious, and I won’t.” He patted his other self on the side of the face, then pulled him in to kiss him roughly on the mouth.

His counterpart hissed in mock disappointment as Loki pulled away and disappeared in a flash of light, leaving him standing there alone. 

“Tease!”

Chapter Text

Reappearing one level up, he discreetly adjusted himself and ducked into an elevator. 

They’d kissed each other in jest many times before. This time he’d definitely underestimated just how stirred up he still was from his and X-9’s morning activities — far too much to safely flirt with himself and not risk crossing a line. 

His hasty retreat had been more necessity than taunt; he’d been precariously close to pulling his other self into the nearest storage closet and rutting against him in search of some relief (most likely to the sound of self satisfied laughter). 

What he needed right now was a very cold shower to calm himself down. 

His unconventional relationship with X-9 was more fulfilling than he could ever have hoped for, but it was becoming a bit more of a challenge as they began to move into the more physical items on the ‘intimacy’ section of X-9’s list. 

What they were able to do together was (for him at least) a delicious agony, and he wanted to relish every second of anticipation, even to the point of denying himself his own touch. 

Hoping to lower his temperature before X-9 got back, he quickly made his way to their room and slipped through the door — not expecting what he saw when he stepped through. 

“Syl—“

He clamped his mouth shut and scrunched his eyes closed. 

It couldn’t be Sylvie. 

“Something wrong?” 

The voice reassured him (still different enough). Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes. 

It was X-9, of course. 

Unlike Sylvie, (who had cut her bangs and wore her hair long in the back), X-9’s wavy curls fell just above the shoulder. It was the same hairstyle she’d had when he’d left her that morning, with one striking difference. 

She’d bleached it blond.

Her dark hair wasn’t the only thing separating her from Sylvie in his mind (there were many), but the woman who stood before him now, looked more like Sylvie had when she sent him away than Sylvie herself did now. 

It shouldn’t bother him, but it did. 

With Loki’s earlier probing and X-9’s unsettling style choice, it almost seemed his variants were conspiring to… do… nothing, since there wasn’t a problem, and he was being ridiculous. 

He rubbed the back of his head a bit sheepishly, “No… um, I just didn’t expect you to be back so soon.” 

That was the truth (sort of). He steadied his breathing and relaxed the startle induced tension from his muscles.

She gave him a quizzical look, “Uh huh — I can tell when you’re lying you know.” 

“Damn your TVA observation skills,” he said, dramatically curling his hand into a fist. 

“Sorry, I should have told you about the hair change earlier, it was kind of an impulse thing,” she leaned against the back of the couch. 

“It's your hair, you don’t need my permission to change it,” he said, dismissing his discomfort with a wave of his hand, despite the fact he was still standing by the door feeling rather discombobulated.

“Does it upset you?” She asked with a somewhat concerned look on her face, flicking a lock of her newly lightened hair. 

He couldn’t deny he found it appealing, “It doesn’t, it just… brought up some memories.” 

Very conflicting memories. 

He smiled warmly, remembering to finish entering the room at last, he approached her, “I’m ok — it looks wonderful on you.” 

Reassured, she returned his smile with a nod,“Thank you, that wasn’t the primary reason for the change though,” she took a deep breath, “Sylvie, told me about the first time she’d dyed her hair. She’d been on the run for a while and… she just wanted to be somebody different, somebody who didn’t have to be on the run all the time, even if it was only symbolic.”

Loki cast his eyes downwards, “So she dyed her hair?” 

“Yes, and changed her name. I’m holding off that until I get back some of my memories, but…” 

“You wanted to push yourself a little bit farther away from what you looked like… back then.” 

“Yeah — maybe give myself a bit of Sylvie’s courage… or something, I don’t know,” she shrugged and pulled her sweater over her head, leaving her in a simple grey tank top. 

“We could all use a little bit of that,” he replied softly.

She smiled, setting the sweater on the couch beside her, “Did Loki find you? He took off after lunch.”

Loki chuckled, “Of course.”

“You really should’ve just come with me,” she suggested playfully. 

“It would have spoiled his fun,” he smirked, and then dragged his tongue over his upper lip as his curiosity got the better of him, “Uh… do the two of you ever… talk about us?”

She raised an eyebrow, “For your information, Sylvie and I have an abundance of topics to talk about that don't involve our respective significant others and their very transparent obsession with each other.” 

Loki huffed out a laugh in denial, “I am not obsessed. If anything, he is.” 

She gave him a sly smile, “Well, you certainly seem to enjoy each other’s company. At the very least you can’t manage to leave one another alone.” 

She clicked her tongue knowingly, “Sylvie thinks the two of you should just—“ 

He held his hand up to cut her off, “Thank you — yes — got it. That’ll teach me to ask a question I don’t really want the answer to,” he growled out in a mildly irritated tone that contrasted with the blush that rose to his face. 

Taking the opportunity to catch his outstretched hand, she stifled a laugh, “Sylvie and I are a lot alike, but not identical. I think it’d be nice to have someone almost the same as me to talk to.” 

“Two of you would be lovely. Two of me, much less so,” he replied emphatically, but didn’t look her in the eye. Relaxing as she stroked her fingers over his palm affectionately, he conceded, “I guess it’s really not so bad, it’s just hard to see all your faults walking around in front of you all the time.” 

“Hmm, I hadn’t noticed you had any,” she teased. 

He gave her an amused glance, “Practicing the art of deception now, are we?”

“Perhaps. How’d I do?” she shrugged. 

“Testing my humility? Excellent tactic; know your opponent’s weaknesses,” he approved with a proud smirk. 

“You’re more humble than you think,” she countered.

He sighed, closing his eyes as she ghosted her fingertips over the back of his hand. “Maybe having another me to judge myself against is doing me some good after all,” he dreamily replied. 

“Couldn’t hurt.” 

She furrowed her brow, “Loki, um… if the two of you want to fool around, don’t feel you have to stop on my account.” 

He blinked open his eyes, “Ugh, I really don’t. You can’t imagine how insufferable he'd be if we did,” then raised an eyebrow at her, “Anyway, I thought the two of you had enough to talk about already.”

She gave him a wicked grin, “I’m sure it’d be worth a few minutes of discussion if you made it worth our while. Besides—“ she added with some hesitation, “you’re here to help me with my issues, not have me control your whole life.” 

He placed both of his hands over hers, “I thought we’d abandoned that pretense. I love you, and I’m perfectly happy with what we have here.”

“Are you?” She asked directly, “This is as close as we can get, and I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to get over this… problem of mine.”

“It’s not like I haven’t had experience with chaste courtship before — believe it or not — it hasn’t even been four cycles yet.”

She turned her head away, “That’s not really what we’re doing though, is it? Why don’t you ever… just go ahead and finish yourself off?”

He leaned his head over to try to catch her eye, “I thought it should be something we do together,  more…”

“Romantic?”

“Yes.”

She huffed out a laugh, “Romance wasn’t really on my list.”

“I think it was the only item on mine, near the top anyway.”

“I really do appreciate that, but in this case,”she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “what’s keeping me away from you isn’t romantic it’s…”

There were several words on the tip of her tongue but for some reason her brain wouldn’t let her grasp any of them. 

“Not good, really not – anything good. I don’t want you to suffer with me. I need you to show me what not suffering looks like.” 

He stared at her a moment as he felt his heart sink, “I’m so so sorry. If I’ve made you feel rushed, that wasn’t my intention.”  

“You didn’t, but I do. I just do. I’d rather not have you to worry about, because I will worry about it, whatever you say.” She swallowed, gave his hand a squeeze, then pulled away and walked over to the door where a garment bag had been hung. She fiddled with the zipper pull for a second, looked it over, smoothed her hand over the bag, but decided to leave it for now. Walking back over, she reached for his hand again. 

“Should I ask about that?” He questioned, gently.

She frowned and blinked her eyes shut. “Not right now, I’ll show you later. Don’t take this the wrong way but it would take a lot of pressure off of me if you would just take care of yourself.” 

He took a deep breath, mind suddenly racing, “So just on my own then?”

She sniffed, attempting to sound indifferent, “I didn’t say that, but whatever works for you.” 

Loki breathed out slowly. He had gotten attached to the idea of following her on her journey, step for step. 

But, if it wasn’t helping there no use in holding on to a flawed ideal. Her offer quickly sent a wave of anticipation through his body. 

“So… uh… did you want to do that now, or—“

She smiled coyly and walked around the couch, “If you want. I did pick up this book on pneumatic tube system maintenance — second edition.” She produced a thick book from her pocket dimension, “First edition was an excellent read. Thought I’d spend some time looking it over.” 

Loki was suspicious but didn’t comment; it wasn’t out of the ordinary for her to choose a technical manual as a bit of light reading. He tamped down his excitement at the prospect of a long overdue release — one he was awake for, at least — and wandered apathetically over to his desk, “I have some paperwork to finish up anyway, I should probably get that out of the way.” 

“Sounds like a nice quiet afternoon to me,” she grabbed a couple cushions from the couch and propped herself up in the soft armchair, feet draped over the one arm. Why she didn’t just sprawl out on the couch he didn’t know, but there was something up her sleeve. 

He leaned over to open the door of the tube receiving station and pulled out the canister containing the paperwork Maria had sent over earlier. Extracting it, he sat down at his small desk facing the wall, his back to X-9. 

He hated paperwork (like with a white hot passion hated it), and the TVA had trained everyone to require copious amounts of it. 

Already dying of boredom, he flipped open the first folder and propped up his head with his hand. 

He grumbled to himself, the information he thought relevant was already well detailed. What was missing was duplicating and triplicating it (and more) over additional forms that Analyst Hill used to work some kind of filing magic to discover patterns they could use to improve their methods. 

It all seemed very archaic and he made a mental note to help the TVA workers remember how to use a database. 

The relative silence of their room should have provided a better working environment than his sometimes noisy office, what with the water cooler chatter, and the shuffling of files, and the occasional maintenance worker (of varying skill levels) milling about. Not to mention, the periodic — and inevitable — shriek of surprise from one of his co-workers upon finding a snake shaped analyst in the filing cabinet, yet again (he may have been the analyst in question on more than one occasion). 

Despite having fewer distractions in the quiet of their room, the ones that were there, he found much more difficult to ignore. Every so often he’d hear a page flip from behind, or the sounds of X-9 adjusting her pillows to get more comfortable. It seemed to draw his attention far more than it should have. 

He shifted in his seat as he hastily checked boxes on the next form to complete the first folder. Setting it aside he immediately dug into the next one.

She hummed, “Did you know that items sent through the pneumatic transport system move at speeds between 3 and 7 metres per second?” 

He hastily erased several boxes he’d noticed were checked in error. Not looking up, he replied, “Fascinating.” 

She clicked her tongue, “Yes, I thought so.” Stretching her arm up she sighed in a way that made Loki’s brain go a bit fuzzy. 

Feeling too hot, he undid the top couple buttons of his shirt after loosening his tie. He then stretched out the fingers on his writing hand and started on the next form. 

He tried to focus, he really did, but it was the last thing he wanted to be doing, and for some reason he found he could hear every small movement X-9 was making. 

Was she doing that on purpose? 

Getting antsy, he loosened the buckle on his belt, suddenly feeling a bit too restricted. 

He rushed through the next set of documents, but his mind kept wandering back to the soft noises X-9 was making and the memories of that morning. 

Feeling his heart rate pick up, he pressed his lips together, enjoying the tingling feeling of the increased blood flow to his face. He then swallowed it down and refocused on the page in front of him (he really needed to get his work out of the way). 

He briefly looked back at X-9 as a quiet sigh drew his attention. She’d shifted to the side, so that her head rested on the back of the chair and the curve of her ass was turned towards him.

That didn’t help matters at all. 

Attempting to multitask he leaned over the page, writing as fast as he could, while bringing his other hand down to tease himself through the front of his pants. 

“You’ll have to take a look at this schematic sometime, it shows the primary core of the tube network in detail.” 

“I’m sure it’s far more interesting than what I’m currently doing.” Well, one of the things he was currently doing. 

Looking over his shoulder again, he did a double take. Blood rushed downward, bringing his soft length to near full attention, as the unexpected sight of her now completely naked backside sank into the growing haze in his mind. 

“So that’s your game,” Loki remarked, now stroking himself over his pants with his thumb and two fingers, still facing away from her. 

“What game? I'm just sitting here reading. No reason I can’t get comfortable. You go ahead and finish whatever you're working on, don’t mind me.” 

He groaned, slapping his pencil down on the page in front of him. It didn't take long for him to unzip, push his underwear out of the way and extract his cock. Paperwork could wait. 

The moment his fingers ghosted along the skin of his exposed erection a wave of anticipatory pleasure rushed through him. This time he knew he wasn’t stopping and that knowledge, combined with the welcome touch of his hand, had him a bit light headed. Fortunately, he was still sitting down. 

He glanced back in time to catch X-9 watching him out of the corner of her eye before she flicked her attention back to her book. 

Debating whether to swivel his chair around so she could have a full view, or wait until she said something, he settled for expressing his enthusiasm for what he was doing with some quiet moaning, while dropping his head to his shoulder so he could peer over at her without totally giving himself away. 

Shifting in the chair, back to her original position, she flopped her book down on her bare thighs. She then casually flipped the page, appearing engrossed as ever at its contents. 

Despite her inattention, he noticed her nipples had become more prominent (it really wasn't that cold), and as he caught a clench of her thighs he took the opportunity to swivel around to face her. 

She still chose to keep up the pretence of being uninterested in his activities; more for her own benefit than for his. As if her dutiful mind had negotiated some sort of agreement with her rebellious body – do what you will, just don’t tell me about it.

She turned the page, bit her lip. 

He wrapped his hand around himself, stroking lightly. 

Another page turned, too quickly to have been read. 

He got up. Took two steps. Stroking. 

The book jostled in her lap; she crossed her legs. 

He fell to his knees.

She played with her ear, rubbed her neck, wriggled and pressed her thighs together. 

What had begun as an attempt to temp him into action (while leaving her issues out of the equation) had had an unexpected side effect. 

She was agitated. Agitated for a reason she was not accustomed to. Like a beast inside her was fighting to break free of its bonds, but still feared the return of its captors. 

“I’ve been thinking…”, she flipped the page, scanning over the text. 

One hand supporting himself on the couch beside him, one working himself firmly, Loki swallowed thickly. He tried to match her casual tone, but didn’t entirely succeed, “About what?” 

She ran her hand through her hair, digging her fingernails into her scalp, “Maybe a job in maintenance?” 

Pursuing her lips, she wriggled her legs together, but it did nothing to ease the wonderful pressure building between them. 

Beginning to understand, he jerked his pants down to his knees so he could tease his balls with one hand as he alternated between firm and light strokes along his cock with the other; whatever game she was playing it wasn’t chiefly for his benefit. She’d asked him to remove himself from the playing field, and now he was determined to comply. 

He gasped as he tried to continue their deceptively casual conversation, “Ah… from what I’ve seen they could use the help.” 

She growled in frustration, stretching out her legs, “Good to know.” 

Turning the page again she focused on its contents, keeping her mind occupied so her body could have a precious moment of freedom. 

Still, it was impossible to entirely prevent her eyes from wandering back to the sight of Loki intently getting himself off on the floor beside her. He was so very pretty like that, pretty in a way she hadn’t been able to see until now. At one point it elicited a delicious surge of pleasure that manage to relax her further. The feeling was foreign and familiar at the same time.

She questioned herself. Perhaps she could find a loophole — some reason she had no choice but to toss the book over the back of the chair, and press her fingers against her throbbing clit.

But no, she couldn’t risk it; the truce she’d made with herself was too fragile. 

Instead she sat up and brought her right foot down to rest on the floor, leaving her left hooked over the arm of the chair, spreading herself wide. She held the book up in front of her, and Loki let out a grateful whine. 

She was still being productive. Still serving a purpose. It didn’t matter how she was sitting, she was just learning about the tube system. 

“Hungry?” She asked matter-of-factly. 

He groaned in pleasure as the dual implications of her question (combined with her arousing presentation) washed over him.

“Very.” He gasped out, eyes drawn into her exposed sex. Cock hardening more, he slicked himself with magic as his skin began to chafe with the friction. 

“Anything in particular… you’d like?” She almost didn’t get the question out. She knew what she was doing. She didn’t know how long she’d get away with pretending she didn’t. 

Loki would have collapsed to the floor if he wasn’t already on his knees. The innuendo and the view were driving him closer to plateau (and near the edges of his sanity).

“I-I…”

His mind checked out at the thought of all the wicked responses he could gift her, but realizing he was too far along to manage any of them, he simply brought his free hand up to catch the mess he was about to make. 

The sudden sound of a book being shut brought him back from the edge. The surge of arousal that had coursed through her unhindered (for once) was gone now, but not because of any discomfort. 

Just knowing what she was capable of was enough for the time being, and now she sat up impassively watching him; seeing, but not actively taking in the beautiful mess he’d worked himself into (panting and shaking). A memory to be filed away for another time.

With a wave of her hand she motioned for him to unblock her view of his soon to be spent cock.

He complied with only seconds to spare, and after a few more pumps he shuddered and finally climaxed with a groan and an impressive display of pent up desire. 

Falling to rest on his heels, cock still in hand, he searched for her eyes, but they seemed to look through him. As if she was somewhere else entirely. 

“Thank you,” she said simply. Pressing her lips together she inadvertently drew his attention there. 

He very much wanted to kiss her. With X-9 now being the nearly perfect image of Sylvie when they’d kissed in the Citadel, it almost felt like they had. 

His lower lip trembled as the unfairness of their situation hit him full force. In his vulnerabile state a tear escaped his eye before he had the chance to stop it. He turned his head away. 

“Sorry,” he apologized and got to his feet, spending a few seconds making himself (and the poor carpet) decent. 

X-9 placed a hand to her chest and dressed herself with magic. 

“Don’t be,” she tried to reassure him with a smile, then stood up abruptly and paced away from him a few steps before turning back. 

“Sylvie spent most of her life on the run, in the worst of conditions, surrounded by doomed people in horrible circumstances.” 

Loki who had sat himself down on the couch (hands folded with his elbows on his knees), now looked up to meet her determined gaze, “Yes,” he agreed sadly. 

X-9 continued, “She did whatever she needed to do to survive, alone. She told me, she couldn’t let herself care about anything but her mission, not the dying people, not the fading memory of her family. Just not care.” 

Loki nodded again. Sylvie had told him a bit of what her life was like when they were together. Not that they’d had all that much time. He’d caught the edges of it when they combined they’re magic to enchant Alioth, but he knew there was so much more he didn’t know. 

X-9 smiled affectionately, “Until she met Loki — you.” 

He rubbed his forehead for a moment, covering his eyes with his hand. As if that would somehow protect him from the flood of memories. He needed to stay focused on what she was saying, this wasn’t about him. 

“She learned to care again — when it was important — and she freed the multiverse.” X-9 walked over to lean against the side of the armchair, raking her fingernails over the fabric. “And I’m stuck here… spinning my wheels. Agonizing over pointless—“

She swallowed. Pacing back to the other side of the room, she took a look at her list hung negligently on the wall. Tape lifting in the corners it likely wouldn’t be long before it fell of its own volition. She laid her fingers on one piece of tape (so unsuited for its task) and waivered between pressing it back in place and tearing the whole thing down. 

Instead she left it as it was and turned back to Loki. 

“I need to learn not to care. Not to give one single fuck,” she threw out her hands, then let them slap down to her sides. 

“If I’m going to love you — really love you, then I have to learn not to care about you. Just. Not. Care. Because what that means —for me — is just twisted and useless, and it’s eating me alive!” 

Loki furrowed his brow in worry but didn’t respond. She was working herself up to something, and there wasn’t anything he could think of that would help. 

Walking over to the door where the garment bag was hanging, she grabbed the pull, unzipped the bag and took out a TVA uniform (something similar at least). It was noticeably different, in shade and in style, but still recognisable. 

“I wore this every day of my known life—“

She strode back over to the armchair and threw the uniform over the back. 

“And I’ll wear it again, one last time,” she let out a breath, “I’m going back.”

Loki’s heart rate quickened, there was only one place for her to go back to. Knowing the effect seeing that place had had on him, he could only imagine what it would be like for her. 

Standing up he brought himself as close to her as he dared, “Whatever you need to do. Just know I’m going with you,” he stated in a firm but soothing tone. 

“I know. I wouldn’t be able to stop you if I tried,” she smiled, hugging herself, and wishing she could close the couple steps between them, and let him fold her into his arms. In that moment, it almost seemed like she could. 

Unconsciously, perhaps compelled by her unspoken desire, he leaned in (almost recklessly given their situation), “When do you want to go?” He asked softly. 

She didn’t flinch back as she’d done so many times their proximity had drawn near to the danger zone. Instead she ran her flattened palm over his and intertwined their fingers together, squeezing tightly, “As soon as possible, tomorrow, I think.” 

“I’ll do my best to make it happen — one way or another.” He didn’t foresee any difficulty, but was determined not to let any amount of red tape prevent her from doing what she needed to do. 

He’d sneak her in if he had to. 

Tear the whole place down, if he had to. 

“Good, I’m ready, I really am,” she smiled at him gratefully. She knew she shouldn’t get her hopes up; that she shouldn’t expect one grand gesture to wipe away her trauma completely. 

But she made herself a promise. Whatever happened in that miserable place she’d called home, she would hold him in her arms by the end of it, even if it killed her. 

Even if it killed him, too.

Chapter Text

“Morning! What’s this?” 

Noticing the new nameplate, prominently placed on B-15’s desk, Sylvie greeted her with a pleased smile.

B-15 grinned proudly at her as she hit a few final buttons on the keyboard in front of her, causing the nearby dot matrix printer to start slowly spitting out pages in a continuous feed. 

“I guess I thought it was time, might take a bit of getting used to.”  

Sylvie nodded approvingly, “Well, Verity, or is it Hunter Willis? Nice to see you getting rid of that number at last”

“Always Verity to you. I’m keeping the hunter part for now. Who knows, maybe I’ll get back to my roots eventually. Not a lot of kids around here though.” 

“True, not much need for a pediatrician; doesn’t mean you’re stuck with this job either. If you do feel stuck, that is?” 

Verity shrugged, “I’m good at it… been doing it a long time. At least we’re helping to build something now,” she paused, swallowing down a lump in her throat, “I had to do a lot of things that are gonna haunt me though.”  

“We all did,” Sylvie said, trying to reassure her. 

“It doesn’t make sleeping any easier. At least you weren’t part of the problem,” she sighed, rubbing her left temple with two fingers. 

She had known her real name ever since she took Sylvie’s hand in the storm thrashed parking lot of that doomed Roxxcart and a wave of memories had come flooding back. Feeling like that person again, knitting her two realities together, was an ongoing process. 

Sylvie blinked up at the ceiling, searching for the right words to comfort her friend, “Verity…” 

Verity shook her head, “Look, we were all victims, but those of us who worked here… we can’t just shake off our responsibility. I’m not going to ask for your forgiveness, that’s not on you.” She looked down, biting her lip and tapping her fingers on the desk in thought. 

Sylvie leaned over, placing a hand over hers, “I can’t speak for anyone else, but you don’t need my forgiveness. When you had a real choice, you came through for me.”

Verity turned her hand to hook into Sylvie’s fingers, giving them a quick squeeze, “I appreciate you saying that. I just hope someday the person I was, can forgive the person I am now.” 

Sylvie nodded sadly, understanding all too well. Clean hands were a luxury in the life that she’d led. Faces she’d thought long forgotten tended to show up in her dreams now that she was safe enough to really think of what she’d had to do for all those years. She didn’t really know how to fix herself, nevermind anyone else. 

Changing the subject, Verity let go of her hand and gave her a knowing look. “So — did you just stop by to say hello, or was there a reason for your being here at this particular moment.”

Sylvie glanced towards the doorway where Loki was gently knocking on the doorframe to announce his presence, eyes cast towards the floor. 

Verity gestured for him to enter, “Just who I wanted to see,” she said, wheeling her chair over to tear off the newly printed pages. 

“Sylvie,” Loki greeted Sylvie with a cordial smile on his face (and an awkward swirl in his stomach). He hadn’t expected her to be here, but imagined it was for the same reason he was. He folded his hands in front of him and did his best not to fidget. 

“Loki,” Sylvie nodded back, curling a half smile. She knew her Loki too well to miss his unease, but that hadn’t really changed since they’d met. Her friendship with X-9 had made it easier for her to move past the confusing tangle of emotions that came part and parcel with their surreal situation. It had also given her enough insight not to take Loki’s discomfort around her personally. He was a hot mess, but then really, weren’t they all.  

“Are we still good to go?” Loki asked Verity, with a slightly anxious edge to his voice, “I realize this is short notice, but…” 

“B-uh… Hunt-eh, Verity .” D-90 stumbled over his words, having just stuck his head around the door, “N.D.’s all clear.” 

Despite the former TVA force still functioning with a semi-military structure, Verity had chosen to simply use her name to be identified. There were endless debates about how many rules to keep and how many needed to go (never mind what to replace them with). A certain amount of freedom in personal identification seemed appropriate considering the TVA had tried its best to wipe it all away. 

“Thanks, D-90,” Verity replied, giving him a thumbs up, as she wheeled back to her desk with the pages folded into a manageable stack. 

He acknowledged the two mischief gods and pushed himself back from the door to move onto his next task for the day. 

Loki looked at Verity in confusion, “I thought the fighting had been over for a while?” 

Verity sighed, setting the stack down on the desk and pushing it to the side, “It is, we just needed to take some precautions. All personnel were ordered out of N.D. You’ve got the entire complex to yourselves.” 

“Ourselves? What exactly do you think is going to happen?” 

Sylvie and Verity glanced at each other, trying to decide who should speak first. 

Sylvie took a deep breath, “Loki… X-9 may seem peaceful enough, but underneath she’s one of us. Don’t forget that.” 

“We’ve taken a few survivors through before, it can be difficult,” Verity explained. 

Loki let out an anxious sigh, rubbing the back of his neck, “Understandably, I don’t expect it to be easy.”

Verity continued, “I wish I could send a team with you, but…” 

Sylvie cut in, “She’s more powerful than she knows.” 

Loki shook his head, “Her magic gets away from her sometimes, it’s never been that serious.” 

“Anger has a way of bringing these things out. I didn’t have someone teaching me — anger did,” she told him flatly.

Loki pressed his lips together, stopping himself from whispering she’s not you, under his breath. Instead he nodded subtly, he couldn’t allow his own hard feelings to let him brush off Sylvie’s advice, not if it could help him protect the woman he loved. 

“You should be on the lookout for signs of distress, especially any violent or self-destructive behaviour. If you think you need to get her out of there, you make that call,” Verity advised. 

Loki wanted to protest, tell her that X-9 wasn’t violent or self destructive (that was more his thing), that there was nothing to worry about. But he knew he should take her and Sylvie’s warnings seriously, even if they were overestimating the kind of damage X-9 was capable of — was he underestimating it? 

He turned to Sylvie, a question in his eyes, “She didn’t tell me she’d asked you to come with us.”

Sylvie crossed her arms, “She didn’t, and I’m not. I don’t want my issues getting in the way.” 

“You wanted to make sure I’m looking out for her, then?” Loki replied softly.

She sighed, “I know you will. And you should be aware of the dangers, but… I actually came here to tell you to let her do what she needs to do. You can’t protect her from everything.”

Loki took in a slow breath — are we still talking about X-9 — danced on the tip of his tongue. He gave his head a shake, “I know, I’m just… there for support.”  

“And getting the both of you out alive,” Verity added. “It might be tempting to just pull the whole nightmare down on top of yourselves, but I don’t want to have to dig you out. Steer her away from anything drastic, please.”

“Of course,” Loki assured her, wincing internally at the anger-fueled impulse he’d had the day before. Was he that predictable? 

Slinging open the bottom door of her desk, Verity pulled out a flexible three ring binder, set it down on her desk and began flipping through the pages.

“I’ve outlined your route on this map, seeing as you’ve been there before, it shouldn’t be too difficult to find. The fighting is over but in a place like that you should still—

“Watch our backs,” Loki finished, studying the map over Verity’s shoulder.  

“Yes, and there’s a lot we don’t know; it’s still dangerous. So I suggest not turning on any more systems than are necessary.” She flipped to the next page.

“The complex is on emergency power right now, you can turn on main power from a panel on the top floor of each building, instructions are all there.”

“Thank you… Verity,” he said, making a point of using her real name. 

Verity smiled, “Good luck. I hope X-9 finds what she’s looking for,” then she laughed, “and it’s Hunter Willis to you.” 

He curled a half smile,  “Noted.” 

“Get X-9 back safely and we’ll see about that first name basis.” 

“Absolutely,” he said, huffing out a nervous breath, sweeping a misty gaze over the both of them and turning to leave.  

As he disappeared out the door Verity leaned closer to Sylvie and whispered, “Are you done with your pep talks for the day or do you have one more to give?” 

Sylve smiled a bit sadly, “She got enough of my advice yesterday. What she needs to do isn’t as straightforward as revenge, unfortunately.” 

Verity nodded quietly. She knew that revenge hadn’t wiped away Sylvie’s pain either (how could it?). “Well, maybe when she gets back, she’ll have some advice for the rest of us.” 

“Maybe,” Sylvie replied, worrying her thumb over her fingers.

Verity pulled the stack of paper in front of her and began pulling off the perforated sprocket strips down the first side. 

After a second Sylvie realized she was just standing there staring and should probably let Verity get back to work. She raised a fingertip glowing with green light. “Need any help with that?” 

Verity laughed, “Are you kidding, this is the highlight of my day.”

Sylvie raised her eyebrows, “Um, you may want to consider that career change sooner than later.” 

Verity grinned, tossing the first pile of strips in a nearby bin, “You might have a point.” 

Loki worried his way to meet X-9 in the cafeteria, anxiously studying the map and other instructions (without really taking it in). 

When he’d left X-9 earlier that morning she’d still been debating the merits of wearing her old TVA uniform to breakfast. Now, he found her sitting alone at a table (which contained only two glasses of water) with an enigmatic smile on her face.  

He took in the simple jogging outfit she was wearing, and set aside his concerns for the time being. “I see that comfort won out over symbolism after all, good choice.” 

“Comfort can be a symbol too,” she smirked, swishing the loose drawstring on her hoodie playfully over her shoulder. 

“I suppose it can,” he replied affectionately and sat down across from her, then slid his hand over to grab hold of hers. 

“Are you ready?” She asked with a sly expression, firmly gripping his hand. 

He beamed at her with dutiful excitement, “ Very. Positively bursting with anticipation.” 

“Good. I wanted the first meal of the rest of my life to be a memorable one.”

The self assured statement had Loki's excitement taking a sharp swerve into apprehension. X-9 appeared relaxed and happy enough, but the gravity of his discussion with Verity and Sylvie weighed on him. He’d worn a mask to hide his pain long enough to fear what could lie behind her’s.

Stroking his thumb along the back of her hand, he scanned her face, hoping to catch a glimpse of anything that might justify his fears, but all he saw was a relief at having come so far and an eagerness to push forward, and it made him feel so very proud. 

“What are you thinking about?” She asked curiously. 

Loki huffed out a laugh, “Just that you’re— 

He was cut off mid sentence by Mobius giddily wheeling a meal cart (which was covered with a cloth to hide the clear source of his enthusiasm) beside the table. 

“Ok, here it is, and I am certain this will live up to the hype.” 

X-9 folded her hands in front of her, “Can’t wait, I have every confidence in you.”

Loki smirked over at her, “I knew you were planning something interesting, but I didn’t expect you to take on an accomplice.”

“Yeah, who’da thought, old Mobius the chef. Found this chef’s hat and everything.” Mobius pointed to the floppy white hat on his head, and brushed off the flour covered apron he was wearing. 

“Being on the meal committee has its advantages. X-9 asked me to help make her a breakfast absolutely unfit for an obedient TVA worker, and — I think — I’ve come up with the perfect thing.” 

He grabbed the cloth draped over the cart at two points and prepared to lift it off. “Unhealthy, indulgent, of questionable nutritional value—

“All TVA meals are of questionable nutritional value,” Loki quipped. 

Mobius gave Loki the side eye and went on, “And very likely to make you want to crawl right back into bed. Here it is, la pièce de résistance!” 

Mobius removed the cloth from over the meal cart with a flourish. 

“Cake?” Loki questioned, staring at the tall round cake covered in what he assumed was chocolate icing. Eating at the TVA had taught him not to assume such things, however. 

“Not just cake,” Mobius picked up a knife from the top of the cart, “not only is it made using the recipe for the richest chocolate cake I could find, but it contains an entire coconut cream pie. A whole cake, with a whole pie baked right inside. I think I’ll call it a pake, or maybe pie in cake — pie-cake-IN. I’m pretty sure I just invented it.” 

He cut out a slice with the serrated knife, then glared a warning at Loki (who had raised a finger), “If we don’t look at the timeline too closely, we’ll never know I didn’t.” 

Mobius laid a slice of the chocolate cake with coconut filling and pie crust spilling out of it in front of X-9, “Welcome to decadence personified.” 

Loki raised an eyebrow, “Is there a timeline with dessert shaped people I don’t know about? Perhaps you mean pie-sonified.” 

Mobius pointed at him with the knife that was now covered in icing and pie filling. “Loki, don’t make me come over there,” 

Loki stifled a grin, “Apologies. Continue.” 

Mobius chuckled, “No, I’m done, that’s all. Dig in! Let me know if it was worth the effort.”

X-9 wasted no time and downed the first bite, “Now that is a breakfast worth the inevitable stomach ache,” she laughed, forging ahead with the second, undeterred. 

Grabbing another plate off a stack on the bottom of the cart, Mobius cut a piece for Loki. He set it down on the table in front of him, handed him a fork then quickly pulled another from behind his back. Swiping a forkful off of Loki’s plate, he brazenly crammed it in his mouth, winning him a withering look from Loki in return. Mobius mumbled through a mouth full of (Loki’s) breakfast, “Mmm, now that recipe’s a keeper if I do say so myself.” 

“What is it about my food that makes it so appealing to you? You have an entire cake… pie… cake-pie, right there!” Loki complained dramatically. 

Mobius shrugged, “And a lot of hungry people I promised a piece to this morning. I need to know if it's up to snuff.” 

X-9 had already plowed through half of her slice, not showing any sign of slowing down. “I’m sure they’ll love it! Seems like it’d undermine productivity for several hours at least.” 

“Glad you like it. I’ll take that as high praise and leave you to it.” Mobius snapped his fingers, “Oh, you know what! I could have baked two pies in there.”

“There’s always next time,” X-9 suggested, swiping up a mouthful of coconut cream filling. 

“Yeah, you’re right. Gotta leave room for improvement,” he agreed with a laugh while adjusting his apron. “Well I hope this won’t weigh you down too much where you’re going. That one bite has my bed calling already. Good luck!” 

Loki was about to playfully needle Mobius about always finding his bed calling, but he suddenly found what he really wanted was to ask for some reassurance. He didn’t want to let X-9 know that though, so he ended up staring at Mobius blankly as he sorted out his cart. 

Mobius wished X-9 a cheerful good morning, then caught Loki’s eye as he wheeled past, not missing the worry on his friend's face. “Hey, drop by after you get back, alright,” he whispered softly.

Loki nodded, “Yeah, of course,” he replied, following him with his eyes until he was out of sight. He then stuffed an overly large bite of the rich dessert into his mouth, trying to distract himself. 

X-9 tapped her fork on her plate a couple times, and clicked her tongue. “You’re worried,” she stated seriously. 

“What makes you say that?” Loki deflected, making a face as the dessert he wolfed down, hit bottom. 

She sighed, “Either that or your breakfast isn't agreeing with you.” 

“I do prefer something lighter in the morning,” he explained, taking a swig of water.

She gave him a knowing look, “Don’t feel you need to finish it on my account.” 

“Oh no, I’m fine.” 

He managed to swallow another bite before pushing his plate away, not able to look at it anymore. It sat as an unpleasant lump in his stomach. 

“You’re worried,” she repeated emphatically, not giving him a chance to deny it this time. 

Loki rubbed his hand over his mouth, “Should I not be? I mean, I know you feel you need to do this, but…” 

He took a deep breath as the nerves unsettling his stomach bubbled up to the surface (with help from Mobius’ over-achieving creation), “what if it doesn’t help? What if it makes things worse? What’s in there that’s going to change so much?”

X-9 pursed her lips, “Maybe nothing — but I’m not afraid. It’s what’s in my head that’s the problem, not in some abandoned buildings. I think — maybe — I already have the answers I need. I just have to prove to myself that I do.”

Loki “Alright. Good. That’s good,” he let out a breath and blinked away a tear that had started to form, “Ok, I think I’m ready.” 

“You’re still going to worry aren’t you?” She questioned furrowing her brow.

“Yeah,” he said without hesitation. 

She was grateful to have him along, but she couldn't really return the favour. The something deep inside her mind that was terrified of losing him, was exactly the thing she needed to destroy. 

“Thank you,” she replied. She’d pay him back soon, in her own way. She was sure of it. 

Chapter Text

Now neatly clad in her old TVA uniform (a beige dress shirt, red tie, brown skirt and block heeled shoes), X-9 led the way as they walked into N.D.  

The fires were out, the shouting was gone. The only sounds came from water leaking from pipes overhead, the creaking of metal under their feet, and their own anxious breathing. 

Each windowless tall building was solid white, wound round with conduit, pipes and blinking lights. Hanging walkways made of metal grating led to sets of stairs that went to the very top of each one, where the workers (researchers, hunters, analysts and more) would oversee the experiments running inside. 

“I can’t believe I’m seeing all this in person,” X-9 said as she surveyed the dimly lit complex. “We had no idea any of this was out here.” 

“Did they not take you out this way when you were rescued?” Loki questioned. 

She shook her head, “No, timedoor, there was too much fighting at the time.” 

“Does it bother you, being here?” He asked, carefully watching her face.

She shrugged, “Not really, just a bunch of empty buildings… so far.” 

“Ok,” Loki said cautiously, deciding not to push her further. He examined her face for distress with the light available, “If anything does, please let me know.” 

She nodded in agreement. 

Satisfied with her response, he took the lead and climbed the stairs to the only door into the building that contained X-9’s home ; each footfall up the metallic stairway sounded throughout the vast and silent space. If anyone were still in hiding, it wouldn’t be easy for them to go unnoticed. Not on the outside, anyway. 

Arriving at the top, he approached the windowless steel door, and opened the panel beside it, looking to turn on the main power. 

Inside was an array of multi coloured switches, all neatly labeled in the TVA obscure numbering system that provided no clues to their function. 

Not seeing an obvious power switch, he magically produced the instructions Verity had given him and began looking them over. 

“It’s the yellow switch, second row down, one over from the right,” X-9 called out from the stairway. 

“You're sure?” Loki asked, betraying his misgivings. 

“I studied everything on this place I could find, I’m sure,” she replied confidently. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen if I’m wrong?” 

Loki took a deep breath, folded up the sheet in his hand and placed it in the front pocket of his trousers, “Right.” It wasn’t like the wrong switch would blow the whole place up. On the other hand, a switch to destroy this monstrous place might just be the right one; if they weren’t currently in the middle of it that is. 

Putting his faith in X-9’s technical knowledge, he flipped the switch she’d indicated without incident (or really any indication of success ), but they’d find out soon enough if it had done anything. 

With a twist of his wrist and a flash of green light, his keycard smoothly appeared in his hand. He then awkwardly dropped it to the floor — the nervousness affecting his shaking and sweat covered hands far more than his magical ability. 

After nearly knocking the card off the side of the platform as he tried to retrieve it, he managed to unlock the heavy door at last. If anyone were to guess, they’d think that X-9 was here to support him, not the other way round; Verity’s words of warning had him visibly shaken. 

Mulling over the potential dangers ahead, he took out his tempad, ready to get them out of there with a timedoor if needed, then turned the door handle, revealing a fully lit interior (thanks to X-9’s directions). 

It looked very much like any TVA hallway, doors leading off to the side now and then. They proceeded along it until it opened up into the main control room, curved desks studded with computer monitors and panels of switches on one side and office space on the other. 

X-9 went straight towards one of the curved desks and sat down at a workstation. 

Loki came up behind her to see what she was doing, “You seem to know what you're looking for?”

She flipped a couple switches and then began paging through menus on the workstation view screen with the keyboard in front of her, “Yes, sorry, I should have told you earlier, I’ve been thinking about this for a while.” 

“Um, no it’s fine, I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk about it.” There were certainly things he wasn’t eager to talk about. 

“There — I’ve reactivated all the robots on the bottom three levels, that should include my floor,” X-9 said, standing up from the workstation. 

Her words set off alarm bells in Loki’s head, “Re-activated? I’m not sure that’s wise, Verity warned me not to…” 

“It’ll be fine,” she replied with firm confidence. 

He furrowed his brow, “You’re sure?”

She nodded, “I know what I’m doing.” 

The sound of a man’s voice turned Loki’s attention to a large overhead monitor located in the centre of the room.

“Did you mean to turn that on?”

She shook her head, “No, but I activated the propaganda programs, I guess it must run up here too.” 

Loki gaped at the bizarre individual on the screen for a minute, listening as he pontificated about all the noble responsibilities the TVA had been tasked with. The man wore what appeared to be a judge's robe, but in a bright orange colour. He was completely shaved, down to his eyebrows, and had red symbols traced out on his bald head that reminded Loki of the glowing designs in the timekeepers’ chamber. 

He called back, “Do you know who this is?” 

X-9 closed her eyes for a moment as tension appeared on her face. Then she opened her eyes and huffed out a resentful laugh, “Who it really is, I have no idea. But in here , he was head of the TVA, the one who spoke for the timekeepers — Judge Convolution.” 

Loki raised his eyebrows, “That’s one hell of a name,” he remarked softly. 

“Isn’t it though? Doesn’t really matter, just something they made up for our benefit. The real Director of the N.D. was pruned in the initial battle.” She looked up at the monitor for a second, “Let him blather on, let’s go,” she said, turning on a heel and marching towards the elevator. 

Loki let his eyes linger on the gesticulating individual on the monitor for a moment before following behind. 

By the time he’d caught up, X-9 had already opened the elevator and was standing in one corner with a look of pure determination on her face. 

The size of the elevator gave him pause. Much smaller than most TVA elevators — large enough to carry maybe four of the accursed down into the pit of lies. 

“Not a lot of room in there by the looks of it.” 

He’d usually suggest they ride separately, but there was no way he wanted to leave her alone.

“Just get in,” she said simply, face set, and standing away from the wall a few inches, not making any effort to give him more room. 

He took in a breath and did his best to slide into the opposite corner, hugging the wall. As he looked over he saw her staring straight ahead, not moving, fists clenched at her sides. Resolute. 

“All the way down,” she instructed, prompting him to feel around for the lowest button in front of him.

The trip seemed to take forever; Loki was very much aware X-9 was far closer than she’d normally be comfortable with. He stood with his arm over his head, bracing himself against the wall in front of the button panel, intermittently looking up at the floor indicator above the door. 

He wasn’t claustrophobic — normally — but in the cramped elevator, X-9 little more than a foot away, he found himself trying not to hyperventilate as it felt like the walls were closing in.

From the outside, the building appeared to be only eight or nine stories tall, but an inexplicably endless number of floors flashed by on their downward journey. 

Either the floor indicators were fake (intended to add a false sense of size) or like an iceberg the larger part of the building lay below. 

Loki let out a sigh of relief as the doors opened at last. He looked back to see where X-9 was standing so he could slide out at a safe distance, but to his surprise she marched out the door right past him. 

Since the day before when she had told him her plan there had been a change in her. Like some part of herself they had tried so hard to kill had clawed its way out of its shallow grave. It was something he’d only glimpsed the edges of the first time she’d grasped his hand; he didn’t know whether he should be comforted by it or terrified of where it could take her. 

“Are you coming?” X-9 asked, after stopping a few paces down the hallway. 

“Ah, yeah. Right behind you.” He walked quickly to catch up with her as she had set off at a clip at his response. 

“Perhaps we should… ah… slow down a bit, we don’t want to walk into a bad situation.” 

“I thought you came through here already?” She asked.

“I did, but most of these systems were shut down. We don’t know how the automated security will react to us.” Loki cautioned.

“Guess we’ll find out,” X-9 stated, not slowing her pace. Loki came up beside her, ready to move ahead if any potential danger presented itself. 

By now they were well used to maintaining a set distance as they walked along in formation, each instinctively moving away as the other approached or vice-versa. 

Now, it was almost entirely Loki's efforts keeping them apart. She seemed entirely engrossed in her objective, barely registering he was there. 

A few twists and turns later and they came to a security gate with scanners sitting on either side. The blinking lights surrounding it told Loki it was very much active.

“Wait!”

Loki moved ahead of X-9 to examine the gate more closely. She stopped a few feet behind. 

“I’m not sure we can shut this down from here, we might have to double back to find a control panel — unless,” he considered another option and looked over at X-9 who was regarding the gate with an unreadable expression on her face. “Stay here,” he turned back to the gate and teleported past, reappearing several metres on the opposite side, “feeling up to it?” He called back. 

“Yes,” she replied, but instead of using her magic to cross the threshold, she took a step forward, prompting him to throw up his hand in alarm. 

She took a deep breath, “Trust me — please. I know what I’m doing.” 

Before he could further protest, she walked right into the gate. 

She was immediately stopped short as robotic hands emerged from the walls to grab her arms and legs. 

“No!” Loki cried, hands beginning to glow as he instinctively sought his magic to save her. 

“Stay where you are!” She declared firmly, her hardened gaze holding him in place. 

Loki shook his head in disagreement, “I’m going to get you out of there!” 

She glared back at him, face set, “Trust me!” 

He froze, inhaling deeply as her words washed over him. “I won’t let them hurt you!” His eyes pleaded for permission to act. 

Her voice softened, “I’ll be fine. Meet me in 7-5.” 

“No! What?!”  

Before he could say another word, a metal arm emerged from the ceiling and slapped a band around X-9’s wrist. Then a narrow opening abruptly slid open beside her. She was yanked sideways through the opening in the wall by another set of arms. 

It clamped shut as soon as she was out of sight.

Loki panicked, torn between trying to find the place she’d directed him, and tearing his way through the wall after her. 

Making a decision at last he took off down the hall as quickly as his legs would take him. He didn’t recognize the number she’d given him and the map to her section was still in his pocket, but he wasn’t wasting any time. He traced the path he’d taken the last time he was here as best he could and arrived at a pair of doors that (thankfully) read 7-5. 

The grating buzz as his keycard failed to open the door after several frantic swipes only added to his distress. He wiped his hands over his face, trying to calm his mind to a rational level, and took out the page of instructions Verity had given him. Finding what he needed, he flipped open a small panel and inputted a 7 digit sequence, purposefully pressing each button in turn to ensure he entered it correctly the first time. 

The door beside him clicked open and he pulled on the handle to find X-9 waiting on the other side, to his immense relief. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you like that. Been through that at least one time that I know of. Got dumped right here that time too.” 

“Are you alright?” Loki asked, with evidence of his continued distress still in his voice. He looked down at the band the machines had placed around her wrist (better than a collar for convincing a person they were an employee and not a prisoner).

“So far,” she nodded and smiled in reassurance. 

It calmed him enough to take a look at his surroundings. Though he’d been here before, it hadn’t been fully lit as it was now. 

They were standing in an antechamber that had two fairly wide arched doorways leading off to the one side. He turned back the way he’d come, swiping his hand over the closed doors — now imperceptible to the eye. 

“Hidden door? Did you know these were here?” He questioned. 

X-9 shrugged, “Yeah, but they never tried to hide it was there. Not sure what the point of it was.”

“Maybe just something they used in an earlier experiment?” 

She pursed her lips, “Probably.”

He approached her and went to reach for her hand to console her, but instead she turned away and walked through the nearest doorway.

The room he followed her into was much longer than it was wide, carpeted on the floor and walls in a charcoal grey that made the room seem much darker than it actually was. A single long table ran the length of the room up against one wall, with round orange stools bolted to the floor at intervals along it. 

“Is this where you ate?” He asked, coming up beside her. 

“Every meal,” she said matter of factly, “I used to love this room.” 

Loki lifted his eyes, expecting to see the ceiling, but was astonished to find it didn’t exist. The walls appeared to fade into whatever non-space the TVA resided in, making the room feel as if it was hanging from infinity. 

The Sacred Timeline itself ran through that impossible blackness; a single rope of light undulating overhead (providing the room’s only illumination). 

They stared mesmerized for a moment, watching as tiny threads frayed off from the main timeline and were just as quickly burned away in tiny sparks as they were pruned.

“That can’t be real,” Loki stated. No-one was pruning timelines anymore.

“It’s not. Wasn’t much here that was.”

She started to walk out the way they’d come, but Loki’s attention was drawn the opposite wall and a line of sliding doors, marked up the middle with yellow chevrons. They were spaced out in line with each place setting on the opposite wall, large numbers painted above each one. 

“What’s behind the doors?” 

X-9 shrugged, “It’s just where they took care of us. Have a look if you want, just be careful.” 

Loki nodded and approached the first door cautiously. Unlike the others it was slightly open and the paint was scuffed. He couldn’t see much by peering in, so he risked sliding his hand into the crack and forcing open one side of the door. 

Jumping back with a start, he was presented with a smiling digital face — very reminiscent of the robot that had stripped him at the start of his humiliating introduction to the TVA. This one flickered as the monitor it appeared on sparked away. The many metal arms that emerged from below and all sides of the wall were bent and mangled, one laying loose on the ground; the result of some struggle, he surmised. 

“I hate these things,” he said, running his hand over his hair. 

“Understandable,” she replied, “for us though… I mean at the time… um, it’s just...” Her lip quivered as she wiped a tear out of her eye, unable to get the words out. 

She huffed out a laugh and abandoned her line of thought, “This was X-1’s robot. Now he — really — hated it. It’s all he can talk about — what he’s gonna do to Gilbert when he gets the chance.” 

“The robot’s name is…?” 

She scrunch up her face scornfully, “Gilbert. Robots got names. Us? Not so much.” 

Loki lifted a metal arm, hanging only by its wires, and dropped it again, “Looks like he got the chance.” 

“He didn’t mention it — maybe he did. My uh…”, she closed her eyes for a moment, counting her breaths. 

“It’s ok, you don’t need to explain,” he said softly. 

“You’re right.” She inhaled sharply, drawing herself up, chin lifted, and push aside the storm brewing within. 

“Doesn’t matter,” she stated in a tone that ignited both his admiration and his fear of what she wasn’t telling him.

He wanted to stop her, as she strode back out the door the way they came — to coax out the turmoil he assumed she was containing within her new hardening exterior. Bring it into the light. Let it wash over them both and then dissipate as it burnt itself out. 

But he was frozen in place. 

He felt his chest tighten as he stood there. She was so like Sylvie now; he couldn’t push the thought aside. Throughout their relationship he’d been content with the restrictions on their physical closeness (even though he constantly longed to hold her) because he never doubted the look in her eyes. 

Now, all he saw was steel. Steel keeping him out, pushing him…

Away.

He let out a breath — why was he being so sensitive?  

He was here to get her in and out safely. She was going to do whatever she needed to do. They just needed to get it over with, and he needed to get over himself. This wasn’t about him. 

She had already made her way through the second door by the time he caught up. 

As he entered, he saw her walking down the length of the room. It ran parallel to the other, just as long, but not quite as wide and with a ceiling that was oppressively low. The floor was carpeted, wooden panels covered the walls, with an unattractive drop ceiling overhead. Thick yellow lines on the floor marked out each worker’s space. In the centre of each was a low bed, neatly made with bleached white sheets. 

She stopped not far from the door. 

Nine spaces down. 

“Here we are,” she said, turning to him but not really looking at him. 

“Yeah,” he replied. A million questions ran through his mind, but he held his tongue, not wanting to say the wrong thing. “Um… just tell me if you need me to do anything” 

She sat down in the middle of the bed, swinging her legs up and laying down to stare at the ceiling for a minute. 

“Have a look around I guess.” 

“Alright.” He said, leaving her to rest a moment and cast his gaze down the room to a doorway identical to the one they’d just come through at the far end. He began walking down the length of the room, counting the lines as he went. Large monitors were set at eye level on the wall to his right, rows of beds on his left (with desks lining the other wall). He passed by twenty-five lines then stopped. 

“There are only two ways out of this room,” he said, mostly to himself, but the silence of the empty room allowed X-9 to hear him anyway. 

“Yeah, ours to use whenever we wanted,” she called over, somewhat louder, still staring at the ceiling, “weren’t we spoiled.” 

Walking back closer, he counted the lines again, trying to imagine what it would be like filled with people. “So everyone had to pass through everybody else’s space, but maintain physical distance?” Loki shook his head in disgust, “They completely set you up to fail.” 

“Sure did. Had to keep our guard up, all the time,” She huffed out a breath and popped up to sit on the side of the bed facing him as he approached. 

“Stop!” She yelled, holding her hand up.

He froze in place a few spaces down from her with questioning eyes. 

She gestured to the desk against the wall on the other side of the bed, “Have a seat.” 

Getting up, she walked over to her own desk to sit down. 

Mirroring her movements, he pulled out the orange upholstered chair in front of the desk in his section and sat down. The chair was actually quite comfortable, but he didn’t think that would be helpful to mention. 

As she turned a knob on a small monitor, set in the wall in front of her, a black-and-white picture wobbled into existence with a high pitched whine. 

She tapped the monitor a couple times. Images from the sacred timeline flicked across the screen. She flipped open a folder on her desk and appeared to work on some long overdue task before setting it aside, then turned to him briefly, directing him with her eyes to follow her lead. 

He turned the knob in front of him as well and slid open a door in the top of the desk. Underneath an endless sheet of paper scrolled by, not quickly by any means, but still fast enough to require all of one’s attention.

“That is the Timekeepers script,” X-9 explained. “Compare the monitor to the script and watch for any discrepancies. Use a marker to indicate anything you find.” 

She immediately focused on the task at hand, flicking her eyes between the scrolling page and the images on the tiny screen. She held a black marker at the ready, touching it to the page once over the course of ten minutes. 

Loki spent most of this time stealing glances at her while poised in a similar fashion. Appearing to work was a particular specialty of his, and in this case almost surely all that was required of him – which was a good thing since there was no way he was keeping up with her. 

“I guess you’re the new X-12,” X-9 remarked casually, without looking away from her desk. 

Above Loki’s desk he regarded the large orange 12 on the wall, “I take it there’s some significance to that number?”

X-9’s mouth twisted into a frown, “You could say that.”  

“Was X-12 someone… you cared about?” Loki asked carefully. 

She didn’t answer right away, instead running her fingers over the leather band around her wrist. It had a box-like device attached to it that reminded Loki of the timecollar he’d been forced into on more than one occasion. 

“I don’t think care is the right word. Everyone…we all made mistakes, constantly.”

Loki raised his brows, “I don’t see how anyone could avoid it given the circumstances.” 

X-9 shrugged, “We couldn’t. We’d get zapped or reprimanded or have to listen to a long boring lecture or lose dessert privileges. Half the time they didn’t even notice,” she swallowed, “what X-12 did — what I did. It was barely… anything. Barely a feeling. And then she was gone, just like that. How did they know?” 

Loki felt his ire rise, sending tension throughout his body. He hated to see her blaming herself. “They were manipulating you. Trying to make you doubt yourself. Make them seem more powerful than they were.” 

“They likely pruned her. I had a crush, and they pruned her,” she said sadly, guilt settling in the pit of her stomach. 

Loki shook his head, “It must have been more than that. Why would they punish her for what you did?”

“It wasn’t her punishment. It was mine,” she said in anguish. 

She absentmindedly depressed two metal buttons on either side of the box on her wrist, an electric sting of pain ran up her arm. She winced.

“What was that?” Loki asked, jumping to his feet. 

She winced again, glancing down at her wrist, “This? Just a test setting, we’d use it to help focus sometimes,” she explained dismissively. 

Loki nodded, “A little pain you can control, to stave off the pain you can’t.” He knew that well enough. 

Suddenly the memory hit her like a bolt of lightning. The shock, the sting — it wasn’t unwelcome. It chased the unwelcome feeling away, the weird, unnerving, dangerous feeling. A feeling that could distract her from her task. The sacred timeline depended on their unwavering focus; if they fail, everybody dies. 

She winced, shocking herself again.

“X-9! Stop !” Loki held out a cautious hand, “That’s enough.” 

She didn’t respond. Depressing the buttons again, her face contorted with the pain and the understanding it revealed. 

Loki quickly made his way towards her section, not many steps with his long strides. 

“Hey! Look at me,” he pleaded. 

She sniffed back a tear and looked up in realization, “I did it. I told them — what I was feeling, what she did,” she held up the wrist that had the band around it. “I used this, to stop the feeling, push it away. That’s how they knew — my fault.” 

Fear for her safety and anger combined broke the bonds of Loki’s (admittedly tenuous) emotional control. 

His indignation spilled out.

“None of this was your fault!” He said emphatically, “This whole place is just a-a giant mind-fuck — you’re not a machine, they can’t tell you not to feel!”

Not responding to Loki’s momentary outburst, she squeezed her eyes shut, rubbed a hand over her face, then pressed her fingertips firmly into her jaw, trying to release the tension. 

Breathing heavily now, but bringing himself under control Loki took another step towards her, approaching the limit of her comfort range. But as he tried to extend a soothing hand, a large monitor on the wall flared to life.

“About time he showed up,” she said, words full of contempt. She stood up from her chair and slowly approached the screen.

“X-9!” 

The voice of Judge Convolution cried out as his stern visage appeared on the screen. 

The message was personalised but pre-recorded, a rambling and repetitive admonishment.

“… be vigilant X-9… don’t allow your feelings to distract you… all of existence relies on your focus… be vigilant… remember what failure looks like… a single thought can destroy the multiverse… a single missed transgression… “

Loki clenched his jaw, “Maybe we should turn this off.” 

X-9 didn’t answer but stepped closer, splaying her hand against the cool glass of the monitor. The Judge’s rant continued. She stood motionless. 

As Loki watched the bizarre individual, an uneasy sense of déjà vu began to creep over him. 

He’d seen this man before.

“… control your emotions… love destroys…”

Something in his voice, in the way he moved—

“…friendship distracts… remember what attraction does…”

— and the shape of his face, was uncannily familiar. 

“… remember what it did to…”

Loki snapped his eyes shut and jerked his head to the side just in time for a few tiny shards of glass to hit his cheek. The gunshot-like bang had been his only warning as X-9’s fist crashed through the glass screen of the CRT monitor, causing it to implode into the vacuum inside and then throw the glass in the resulting debris outward.

Turning back (the sounds of glass pieces hitting the floor as they fell from his body) he saw her standing motionless, buried up to her upper arm in the remnants of the monitor and whatever lay behind it. He couldn’t see her face, her head was bowed low. 

Loki called out in shock, “Norns! Are you alright?” 

X-9 said nothing but slowly extracted her hand, pulling out the remains of the CRT monitor’s electron gun, shards of glass, wire, even bits of concrete from the wall behind and throwing them down to the floor with contempt. 

She wiped the back of her hand against her forehead; it was only then he noticed that it was dripping blood; her motion smeared it down the side of her face (like a warrior painted for battle).  

“Out,” she said firmly, glaring up in the corner of the room. 

Loki held up his hands to back away slowly, but she fixed her eyes on him, “Not you, them! The watchers, the time-keepers. They. Are. Leaving. Now !” She screamed at the ceiling and she held two fingers to her temples. Raising her chin, magic emerged from her eyes and her hands — bright with vengeance. 

The hair stood up on the back of Loki’s neck as her magic jumped between the molecules in the air. 

She spread her hands out wide; everything began to glow and shake. Pens fell off of tables, chairs moved around in place, and farther down a couple monitors cracked and imploded, spraying glass across the room. 

Through it all, her power kept building, moving its way through the walls and the floor. 

Loki readied his tempad, but hesitated. He could open a timedoor below her, send her to some deserted planet to cool off. That was the safest choice for them both. 

But would she hate me for it?

He shook his head in frustration. Again he found himself in the position of having to convince someone not to give in to their legitimate anger and hurt — why did it keep falling to him. He was clearly the worst person for the job. 

Every nerve ending in his skin ignited as her power flowed over him. He longed to join his power with hers — it called out to him. Together they’d rip through offending concrete and steal. The only thing at stake this time was this decaying, dystopian nightmare of a TVA complex and the lives of two broken gods. He’d survived worse . If he was going to go out in one final blaze of glorious fury, he would do so happily by her side. 

One terrifying thought held him back — what if I survived and she didn’t. 

“X-9!” He called out loudly, but as calmly as he could manage with his body still buzzing from the magic in the air and his own nervous energy. 

She turned towards him, expression largely concealed behind the green light glaring from her eyes. 

Mercifully, after a few agonising seconds, the magic began to dissipate, relieving him of the need to make a decision one way or the other. 

X-9 took in a cleansing breath as the light dimmed. Then dropped her hands to her sides. 

“I’m done. Watch, don’t watch. I don’t care. You can’t do anything to me anymore. I won’t make your lies a reality,” she declared to whatever oppressive force might still be listening (even if it was just the one in her own head). 

Her eyes landed on Loki, jaw set, “I need you to help me.”

Loki watched her warily but nodded slowly, “I’ll help you, just tell me what to do.”

She took one step towards him, then two. Before he could process what was happening her hands were hovering over his arms. Then she grabbed hold and pulled herself into his embrace. 

Mind swimming, he held her tightly, feeling her whole body shake, not with fear, but with rage. Trying to soothe some of the anger he whispered gently into her ear, “It’s ok, you're ok — I’m here with you.” 

She stilled and he relaxed his hold, wanting to assess the damage to her hand, but she had other ideas. Bringing her hands up, she wound them around his neck and slid them up to cradle his face so she could pull him down to her mouth. 

He had imagined their first kiss would be hesitant – slow – perhaps only occurring after a few attempts and after other boundaries had been crossed first. 

X-9 had different plans — she was determined to knock down every wall between them in one fell swoop, in passionate defiance of her former overlords (and her own stupid self). They could kill her for all she cared, they could kill him too if they dared try. 

Their tongues and lips moved over each other almost violently , teeth clashing more than once as she tried her best to consume him, seeking more and more in her act of vengeance. 

He groaned wantonly as she nipped his lower lip just slightly too hard and pushed him back against the wall, hands still gripping his face.

She released him enough to push her hips tightly against his own, still licking into his mouth.

Her ferocity had surprised him at first but the intensity of her amorous attack had him hardening quickly. Grasping the round of her ass he pulled her tightly to him, rocking slowly against her mound. 

She gasped as a wave of pleasure threatened to steal away the anger driving her. After allowing herself a moment of bliss, she stilled. 

“Sorry, too much?” He questioned, worried he’d gotten carried away. 

She gave him a wicked grin, “You haven’t been dragged off by a team of hunters yet so I guess not. I wonder how much it would take.” 

He huffed out a laugh, relieved to see a smile on her face. “Considering we’re the only ones here — unmh,” he grunted, feeling a sharp tug at his belt. 

“Shall we try anyway?” She asked, in a playfully dangerous tone. 

“Ah…”

He was tempted by her suggestion. And as she grazed her hand over his bulge, his cock was extremely tempted, but he was very much aware of the broken glass crunching beneath their feet. The location was not ideal for a number of reasons. 

Then there was the other matter nagging at him. 

“I have to ask… do you even know if you’ve done this before?” 

She narrowed her eyes, “I feel Iike I have, even if I don’t remember. They don’t make you forget how to do anything, only that you did.” 

“Still, it’s… “, he looked up and inhaled sharply as she danced her fingers over his clothed cock, “it must have been a while. I don't want to-“

Hurt you, caught in his throat. There were far too many unpleasant memories attached to them to speak. So he changed course. 

“Ah… I mean, you deserve to enjoy yourself — as much as possible.” 

She clicked her tongue at that, “Living well is the best revenge, is that it?” 

He squeezed his eyes shut — he didn’t want their first time together to only to be about revenge. 

“Something like that,” he gave her a little hopeful smile. 

She wrapped her arms around him then, probably too tight — he let out a little gasp of air in response. 

Anger got her here, she knew anger would keep her here (defiant rage with a side dose of pain). But if all she was doing was replacing fear with anger, then how could she ever say she’d won. What kind of victory would that be? 

She reluctantly loosened her hold and slipped out of his arms, giving him a firm pat on the chest and taking his hand in a commanding grip. 

“Alright, we’ll do it your way. But first, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” 

He found himself all but dragged out of the room and back into the previous one, the industrial looking lunch room with the ceiling to eternity. Only now, some of the projectors were burnt out due to X-9’s magic, exposing the reality of the low grey ceiling overhead in several places. 

She marched them past X-1’s mangled robot, past the seven subsequent closed doors, right down to number nine. 

Dropping his hand for a moment, she stepped up on the stool opposite the door and sat down on the table, rattling the contents of the condiment holders set along the wall at each place setting. 

She slouched over, draping a hand casually over one knee, reached behind her and grabbed a salt shaker out of the holder. Bringing it up to her face, she looked it over (clear glass with a TVA logo etched on the side and filled to the top with ordinary table salt).

“Loki, meet Judy,” she said. 

And with that she threw the salt shaker forcefully against the sliding door on the opposite wall. Glass and salt exploded against it and fell to the floor, while the metal lid skidded under the table a few metres down from where she sat. 

The doors quickly slid open. Mechanical arms appeared from both sides ready to deal with whatever was required of it. 

X-9 smirked, “That got her attention.”

Loki moved closer to peer inside. 

The robot's face (appearing on an upper monitor) smiled a greeting, then flickered through a range of emotions as if someone had pulled the handle on a slot machine and were waiting to see what they’d won — or lost in this case.

Finally, the robot’s face stopped cycling (settling on a neutral expression). The robot didn’t speak, instead its face shifted in various expressions while instructions were spelled out on the lower monitor. 

:PROTOCOL ERRORS DETECTED!

A metal arm beckoned her into the closet sized space. 

X-9 rolled her eyes as she read the first item, “I think I’ll sit right here for a bit, if you don’t mind.” 

:INJURIES DETECTED!

She held up her injured hand and regarded it. The blood was dried and beginning to flake off, the wound well on its way to fully healed, “I’m fine, just a scratch really, thanks for asking,” she shot Loki a wry look, “she always did worry about me.” 

Judy’s face blinked into a frown, a metal arm emerged with an electric razor attached to it. 

X-9 flicked a lock of hair casually, “Yeah, I know my hair is too long, no I don’t want it cut.” 

She rolled her eyes at Judy’s next admonishment and tugged at a bloodstained sleeve, “I’ll get changed in a minute, don’t really need your help with that anymore, but since you’ve kinda been like a mother to me, I’d like you to meet my boyfriend.” 

She curled a smile at Loki and patted the table, inviting him to sit next to her. 

He eagerly complied, sitting a half a foot away and then sliding over closer until he was firmly pressed up against her (exactly where she wanted him). 

He wasn’t sure where the conversation with Judy was headed, but finally feeling her warmth against his side was reassuring. He tentatively wrapped his arm around her, gently curling his fingers around her waist. 

Judy’s face grew a pair of angry eyebrows, and an alert sounded off. 

:PROXIMITY ALERT!

“What? You don’t like him? And here I was hoping to get your blessing.” X-9 said in mock disappointment. 

Loki’s stomach fluttered a bit at the implications of getting Judy’s blessing, but stuffed it down. It was enough for now that being able to hold her made him feel he could also dissuade her from any drastic action. 

Drastic Action, however, was exactly what X-9 had in mind (drastic for her at least). 

Smugly huffing out a laugh at the now angered robot, she turned her head, and disobediently claimed his lips. 

This kiss was slower, but she was still riding an adrenaline high when she’d leaned in. At first, she kept her eyes flicked to the side, watching as Judy’s digital eyes were replaced by two X’s of death. 

She chuckled to herself against Loki’s mouth — she’d successfully blown Judy’s pearl clutching little circuits (and not a hunter in sight to drag her off to her doom).

A swell of satisfaction rose inside her — then — relief.

She’d come, she’d faced her captors, she’d conquered her fear, she… had her mouth… on Loki’s mouth.

On… Loki’s… mouth. 

Loki pulled back as he felt her body tense up. “What is it?” 

She stared back at him in astonishment for a moment as he examined her eyes. 

Then — ever so slowly — she lifted her fingers to his lips: felt their softness, the lingering moisture of her kiss on them, the slight dryness around the edges.

He waited in patient wonder as she explored them, taking in the pleasant tingling of her inquisitive touch. As his heart rate picked up under her careful examination, she felt his breath change to quiet panting against her skin.

Loki parted his lips, poking his tongue shyly out between them, allowing her to feel its presence on the pads of her fingers as she tested it with each one. 

Feeling the warm wetness of his tongue with her index finger, she let it guide her into his grinning mouth. He laughed at the feeling and the vibration sent a chill down her arm. 

So many sensations. So much newness. So much relief. 

She smiled widely, withdrawing her hand from his mouth, “I can do what I want . Whenever I want,” she laughed at the giddy feeling of freedom that filled her, “I mean, if that’s ok with you.” 

He beamed back at her, “No objections so far.” 

“Good,” she said, and leaned in to kiss him again, breathing him in and now savouring the touch of his lips and his inquisitive tongue with her own until she felt dizzy from the overwhelming feeling of so much everything all at once. 

He caught her as she slumped off of the table, her body going limp for a second, “Steady now,” he cautioned. 

“I’m alright,” she assured him.

Working to regain her bearings, she placed a hand on her chest. The list of goals was securely folded in the front pocket of her blouse. She’d had a plan for it, sort of. On the one hand it was special, it reminded her of how far she’d come, and it had awkwardly brought Loki into her life. On the other, it had only been necessary because of what had happened to her. 

The more she thought about it, the more she realized she didn’t really care what she did with it. There were other things to think about now. 

She took it out and casually tossed it to the floor. “Don’t need that anymore”, then regarded her uniform thoughtfully, “I guess I don’t need these anymore either.” 

She kicked each of her shoes off in a random direction, pulled the TVA blouse over her head (popping off several buttons in the process) and stepped out of the business skirt — leaving only her bra and underwear. 

“I think I’m ready to go now,” she said, taking his hand again to lead him out the way they came. 

Loki chuckled, envisioning X-9 striding through the halls of the TVA, half naked and blood stained, returning triumphantly from her personal war. Far be it from him to stop her if that’s what she wanted to do (he certainly didn’t hate the idea), but he figured he should at least try to spare their neighbours the spectacle. 

“Perhaps, we can take the shortcut?” He suggested, pulling out his tempad. 

She stopped short, realizing how she must look. “Um, yeah, good idea,” she replied sheepishly. “I guess I could use a shower.” 

“Couldn’t hurt,” he smiled. He pulled on his shirt with two fingers. Her wounded hand hadn’t spared his clothes either, “I could use one too.” 

“I can see that — guess that was my fault,” she smiled playfully. 

A few days ago the thought of sharing a shower with Loki would have filled her with anxiety and dread, but now… only anticipation and delight — sort of like being reborn. 

She blushed, “Short-cut it is.” 

Chapter Text

Suddenly, things got very real. 

X-9 was standing in their room, in front of the bathroom door (in her bra and underwear), very much in need of a shower. Loki stood behind her. Both had just stepped through a timedoor taking them out of N.D. 

She waited for a moment, expecting the walls to start closing in — for the chains she’d recently freed herself from to clamp back in place.

But there was nothing. No terror rising, no storm approaching on the horizon — only peace and calm and clear skies.  

She took a deep breath, slowly letting it out, feeling more relaxed then she could ever remember. 

As the last gasp of air in her lungs moved out past her lips, the relaxation turned into a deeply pleasant exhaustion that seemed to want to sink her into the floor. 

She stumbled backwards into Loki. 

“Are you alright?” He worried, catching her. 

She righted herself, “Fine,” she blinked her eyes a couple times to wake herself up, “just a bit tired, but not too tired to-“ 

Loki raised his eyebrows, “You look exhausted.” 

She waved him off, “It’s not that bad, I have plans. For you.” She smirked, running a finger down his sternum. 

He laughed, “And I can't wait to find out what those are. But they can wait for a good night's sleep. It looks like you can barely keep your eyes open. You've been through a lot.”  

“Still need a shower, though,” she protested, opening her eyes as wide as possible, as if to prove she was still very much awake. 

It really only managed to put the image of a very tired owl in Loki’s mind — and an adorable one at that. 

He lifted a hand, while averting his eyes to stop himself from laughing. “A bit of magic will have us clean and snug in bed in no time. But if you insist — maybe you can just stand there and let me take care of you? If you can stay awake that is.”

X-9 smiled in agreement, allowing herself to wobble slightly on her feet as her eyes closed under the weight of eyelids that suddenly felt like lead. 

Loki hummed and placed his hands around her waist from behind. Whatever plans X-9 had in mind (intriguing as they were), they were no more thrilling than getting to attend to her as she wavered on the edge of sleep. 

“I’m going to undress you now, let me know if there’s any place you don’t want to be touched.” 

A quick burst of nervous excitement pushed away some of her fatigue, “I’m not exactly sure, but I think I’d like to find out.” 

He intended to slip her out of her underclothes without fanfare. In spite of this, she shivered when she felt his fingertips brush her back to unclasp her bra and let out a short gasp as his fingers grazed the skin of her hips to lower her underwear to the floor. 

Disrobing himself with a flash of magic, he led her into the bathroom and stepped into the shower first, letting her follow him in. Water pounding at his back, he took in the sight of her: affectionate smile, eyes filled with exhaustion and excitement combined. Best of all, he didn't see a trace of the tension he’d taught himself to watch for so carefully during their time together. 

As tired as she was from the physical and emotional strain of her draining journey: the novelty of being so close to Loki, waiting to see what he would do, and feeling only giddy anticipation, kept her from giving into her need for sleep. 

She closed her eyes. 

His first order of business was to gently take her injured hand and finally examine it. Her knuckles looked beat up and bruised. Angry scratches ran down the back of her hand. A wider gash running along the side from her wrist to her pinky (that had done most of the bleeding) had started to heal over. 

“Does it hurt much?” He asked. 

“Not bad, I’m pretty tough.” She replied, the corner of her mouth curling with a swell of pride at the thought of how she came by her injury. 

He couldn’t agree more, “Outside and in.” 

He turned to give her access to the spray until her hair was wet enough for him to apply shampoo and work it into a cleansing lather. 

Holding still for him, she tried to memorize every stroke of his hands through her hair, every touch of his fingers on her face. It felt like being transformed; as if he were removing not just the dust, sweat and blood from her body, but an unseen residue of fear that washed away and swirled down the drain with all the rest. 

Running his fingers up through her hair, he leaned in and let his lips rest on hers for a minute, savouring their taste (she sighed lightly in return). 

It felt so new, almost hard to believe after three months of barely being able to touch their hands together. To him though, the kiss felt more like a memory: a wondrous, heart stopping, devastating memory. 

He should have expected it. She looked like Sylvie; she was even starting to sound more like her. That her kiss would feel the same as Sylvie’s had — the kiss he’d longed for so completely, and mourned the loss of in such anguish — shouldn’t have surprised him (even though it really did). 

Pulling back, he began kneading her scalp, listening to her resulting soft sighs, and watched the rusty stains dissolve from her golden locks in faint streams of crimson.

Almost more surprising than the familiarity of her kiss, was the fact that he found he didn’t mind. X-9 had accomplished her mission. She’d taken (a sort of) revenge on the villians that stole her life, but she hadn’t pushed him away. Astonishingly, she’d only pulled him closer. 

He moved aside to let the water rinse off her hair. 

She ran her hands over her face, freeing the soap from her eyes so she could steal an affectionate glance before she closed them again to wait in fatigued excitement for what came next. 

He grinned. The echoes of his first love (that he saw and heard and tasted in her ), had become, not a source of confusion, but a gift; a rose stripped of its thorns. 

He turned his attention to her body. Even though his main goal (for the moment) was to get her clean and soundly into bed, he couldn’t stop his cock from twitching as he lathered soap over her neck and shoulders. 

“Is this alright so far? I can stop if it’s too much.” 

The question barely registered. She was so caught up in the feeling of his hands in her hair and on her skin. Ripples of pleasure and calm seemed to emerge from his fingertips as if by magic (though she was pretty sure he wasn’t using any). 

It was too much. But she never wanted it to stop. She sighed, and subtly shook her head. 

He bit his lip, beginning his downward journey, gliding his hands over her sides and back — her chin lifting in satisfaction to urge him on. 

For the most part she kept her eyes closed, removing the visual to enjoy the new sensory sensations to their fullest (and not have to use any energy keeping them open). 

She did crack an eye now and then, watching as a beautiful blush rose to his face and smiles of joy flickered around his mouth. And then, his eyes darken with arousal. 

He brought his hand higher and around to her front to tentatively ghost his fingers along the sides of her breasts, carefully judging her reaction. Not seeing her give him any reason to stop, he went further, spreading his fingertips over her breast and then pulling them in towards her nipple. 

The moan she let out at the feeling of his slippery fingers on her sensitive nipple surprised even her. Her hand landed on his chest. 

“Maybe we should avoid that area, I’m supposed to be helping you get to sleep.” 

She shook her head, “I’m not that tired,” she insisted, running her knuckles down his abdomen. She paused at the tufts of hair trailing below his belly button. Stroking her fingers through the short curls, she grinned as he let out a pleased sigh.

Opening her eyes half way, she closely watched the results of her efforts in his quickly enlarging cock, twitching eagerly just inches below her hand. 

Just as the back of her hand ghosted along the top of his erection, he stooped down. She pouted slightly as his cock slid out of reach. But her mouth twisted in surprise when a clever mouth closed over her nipple. 

Her hips bucked involuntarily. A sudden rush of blood swelled her clit, scattering pleasure through muscles freshly unbound from the tension she lived in for so long. 

She couldn’t remember ever feeling so free and so good. She grabbed his shoulder to brace herself. 

“That… was really intense.” 

“So we should stop now. Is that what you’re saying?” 

“Don’t you dare .” She whined, wiggling her hips against nothing. 

He smiled playfully, watching as she squeezed her legs together urgently. 

“Hmm, I can see you’re in a bit of distress. Now, normally I’d try to draw this out as long as possible — but I am rather interested in getting you some rest just about now. So let’s get right to the point, shall we?” 

“Loki! Move down, please!”  

He grinned, “As you wish.” 

He knelt quickly, held his hand up in front of her, then paused. Hovering an inch away he contemplated how far they’d come and what a privilege it was to get to touch her like this… 

X-9 wasn’t nearly as reflective, pushing insistently into his hand to satisfy the sudden need. 

“Loki, more!” 

He smirked, pushed her labia to the sides with two fingers then lightly dragged the underside of his tongue down towards her clit to test the waters. 

“Mmphf, wait!” 

She panted heavily, arms flung out to the walls of the shower to brace herself. “Do that again.” 

Cautiously, he placed the tip of his tongue just above her clit and gave her a single stroke up. Then cringed slightly as she rattled the shower door with the side of her fist. Luckily, not hard enough to break the glass, but it did have him (smugly) wondering how thin the walls were, and what the neighbours might think. 

“Is that good? Or bad ?” He asked, looking up.

Good, did not even begin to describe the feeling of his deft wicked tongue ghosting perfectly over her most sensitive spot. It was as if it had rode her nervous system to every part of her body. Energizing every inch of her skin — flaring the dull monochrome of her TVA reality into over-saturated technocolour. 

“Good. Definitely good.” Her voice strained. She fought the urge to dig her fingers into the sides of his head and push him against her. 

He smirked, pleased with the effect he was having on her. Leaning in, he exhaled, making her shudder with a building urgency, that returned to his ears with her pleading whines.

He pressed in his tongue, moving it ever so slightly at first, then faster, purposefully, not wanting to drag things out too long. She needed another win to solidify her victory and he was determined to give it to her. 

She couldn’t stop it. She didn’t want to. Rocketing towards a destination she thought she’d only forgotten. 

Somehow she knew that it was never like this. 

Every muscle contracted as she came quickly and hard. 

Holding his tongue flat against her clit to squeeze every last drop of pleasure from her climax he relished the unbridled cry his efforts had gifted his ears — astonished and wanting and finally free. 

She leaned her weight on him, legs nearly giving out. All thoughts dropped away, arriving at last at the glorious peace she’d been denied for so long. 

The first thought that returned, after a moment to regain some use of her legs, was to make sure he joined her. 

“Now you?” She only half asked. 

He stood to hold her steady and take in the boneless expression on her face. “I can wait,” he said with a shiver as she stroked gently under his balls. 

She closed her eyes, enjoying the endorphins running through her veins, “We could move this to the bedroom and try…”

Loki brought a finger to her lips. He wasn’t about to let her rush herself, and he was still very much enjoying the anticipation. Even more so now that he saw a light at the end of the tunnel. 

Rather than trying to argue, though, he claimed her lips and guided her uninjured hand to wrap around his cock.

“Allow me. Just loosen your grip a bit.” He said with a grunt (a result of her tight squeeze) and cupped both of his hands over hers, holding her still. Then began to slowly rut into her hand. 

Her sensitized palm thrilled with the feeling, soft and hard all at once, and the powerful hands holding her in place as he rocked his hips, lit a new fire deep inside her core; a pleading ache that called out to him in desperation. 

It would have to wait. A few more quick strokes into her palm and she felt his warmth pulse into her hand as he came. 

“There,” he groaned shortly, then winced with sensitivity as she squeezed him once more.

“Now,” he said, carefully laying a kiss on each of her eyelids in turn, encouraging them closed, “Let me handle everything else. In the morning we can pick up where we left off.” 

She wanted to protest, but there wasn’t much point. She was exceedingly tired, and they both had been given a taste of what they could now have together. 

So she let herself fall into a half sleep as he dried them off and carried her into the bedroom, laying her in her own bed then hearing a loud scraping as he pushed his bed next to hers. 

Curled up on her side she soon felt a warm body at her back, an arm wrapping around her, his breath at her neck — soothing her into slumber. 

She had to admit that Loki was right so far. Living well was a better revenge. 

A nearly glowing glob of green rode Mobius’ fork on the short journey from his plate to his mouth. 

Approximately lime flavour, he let the mouthful rest on his tongue, taking comfort in the familiar taste before swallowing it down. 

He used to love key lime pie (specifically this key lime pie). It being the only pie available for as long as he could remember played a large part in that. 

Comfort was really the only thing it offered now. There were other, better , less artificial options. The cafeteria even had key lime pie made with real Key limes (an astounding luxury he indulged in at least once a week). His past self would certainly be blown away by how sophisticated his pallet had become. 

It really didn’t make a lot of sense why a pie he’d been forced to eat (through lack of choice) by an oppressive organization would bring him comfort, but he supposed, feelings of nostalgia weren’t always rational. 

He scooped the last few crumbs into his mouth somewhat regretfully, then bolted to his feet as he saw Verity walk into the far side of the cafeteria. 

“Hey, Verity!” He waved his arm widely to get her attention. 

She quickly walked towards him, “Nice to see you too. Hope you have some positive news for me?” 

“Loki hasn’t gotten in touch yet, are you sure they’re back?” Mobius worried. 

Verity sighed, explaining patiently, “The trace I put on Loki’s tempad showed they left N.D. just shortly before I contacted you yesterday. If either of them was still there, I’m sure the other would have told us by now. They probably just need some space. Try not to worry.” She assured him. 

“I know, I know, this is Loki we’re talking about though, it’s hard not to — and X-9 ,” he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, “wish you woulda let me go with them, I could have-”  

“ Mobius , X-9 didn’t need you tagging along, and Loki has come a long way. Quit bein’ such a helicopter parent and chill .” 

Mobius chuckled at himself — it wasn’t the first time Verity had ribbed him for treating Loki like a little kid. Was it his fault if the thousand year old god kept acting like one?

“Ok, yeah , you’re right. Just let me know if you hear anything.” 

“Will do.” 

Mobius waited until Verity was out of sight before he hurried to the food dispensers to see what other desserts were on the menu for the day (since he didn’t feel like hearing any commentary on his stress eating). 

Lo and behold, carefully walking in the opposite direction, with a fully stacked tray of food, was the very Loki he was looking for.

“Loki!” Mobius called out. 

Loki looked up from the overloaded tray in his hands, “Mobius! Right , sorry, I was going to come see you as soon as I could, I just… I mean we just…” 

Mobius waved him off, “No — it’s fine — don’t worry about it,” he assured him, not letting on how nail-biting the wait had been for him. 

“So, how’d things go?” Mobius tried to give him a pat on the shoulder but was hampered by the fact that ‘Loki’ wasn’t actually there — his hand passed right through. 

Loki (or his duplicate at least) twisted his mouth into a foolish smile that was halfway between sheepish and amused — as if he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but was only too pleased to have been found out. 

“Ah, X-9 wasn’t ready to leave the room today… And we were getting hungry… And I didn’t want to leave her alone.” 

Mobius scratched his chin, “Well that’s a neat trick anyway. How are you carrying that tray? Are only your hands solid?” 

Loki didn’t answer. He appeared to be focused elsewhere as his duplicate’s eyes had closed and its head was tilted dreamily to the side. 

Mobius snapped his fingers to get Loki’s attention. 

“Loki!” 

The duplicate blinked open its eyes with a start, “Oh! Sorry, um… we’re good . More than good, actually . I’ll fill you in on the details in…” 

His duplicate closed its eyes again, a wistful smile appearing on its face. 

Mobius raised an eyebrow. Normally, Loki prided himself on being able to split his attention between many duplicates at once, but the dopey expression on the duplicate's face told him all he needed to know about the cause of his distraction. 

“I think I got the message. Take all the time you need. You can fill me in on the details when you’re ready — but spare me the juicy ones — alright ?” 

“ Right .” 

Loki managed not to transfer the blush that rose to his face through to his duplicate, but in the process, failed to maintain the solidity in its hands; the tray of food fell to the floor with a crash. 

Mobius folded his arms and watched in amusement as Loki tried to have his duplicate retrieve his food. After seeing it grab and then lose a paper wrapped muffin through its less than substantial fingers several times, he figured it was time to take pity on him and step in.  

“Why don’t I drop this off at your room for you — you’re obviously very distracted. Don’t need you leaving a trail of the daily specials through the hallways.”  

“Yes, thanks ! Maybe just-“

“I’ll knock and leave it outside.”

“Probably a good idea.” The duplicate got to its feet, then just stood there, looking like it had fallen asleep with its eyes open. 

“Hey! Loki!” Mobius waved his hand in front of the duplicate's eyes. “You mind not leaving your illusion here, it’s gonna start creeping people out.” 

“Sorry.” Loki’s voice emerged from the duplicate without its mouth even moving, and it promptly disappeared. 

Mobius chuckled, Loki hadn’t even tried to correct his illusion comment. He stooped down to grab the overloaded tray with a great sense of relief. 

Contemplating whether to deliver the meal straight away or indulge in another dessert first, he noticed that Loki’s tray had been loaded up with a variety of healthy snacks and not a single sweet indulgence. 

He shook his head. X-9 deserved more than fruit and whole grains after facing that nightmare , and he was just the (culinary) Analyst to make sure she got something to satisfy her sweet tooth — Loki could thank him later. 

He placed the tray on a spare meal cart and wheeled it over to the aisle of food dispensers labeled desserts. Pushing the cart down the aisle, he browsed the wide variety of options excitedly. 

Something for X-9. No! Two somethings for X-9. Something for Loki and something for me to eat on the way.  

He laughed to himself, then felt a jolt in his arms as the cart stopped short.

“Oh sorry , I’ll get out of your way in a minute.” 

A tallish maintenance worker with long blond hair pulled back in a ponytail (and quite a bit of dirt on her face), rushed in front of the cart and pulled a tool box out of its way. 

Mobius shook his head, “No it’s my fault, I should’ve been watching where I was going. Hey , are you here to fix food dispenser seven-five-eight? I had an ice cream sundae outta there that was more like an ice cream soup .” 

She pursed her lips, nodding slowly, “Yeah, I should probably check that out. You know what? There’s still a bit of a mess down this way. But if you’re looking for something sweet, there’s plenty of amazing donuts down that way,” she suggested, pointing back down the aisle. 

Mobius looked back the way he came, “Yeah, I guess you can never go wrong with donuts,” he chuckled and maneuvered the cart around. “Thanks, ah… sorry, what was your name?” He looked back, but she was gone. 

He shrugged, figuring she needed to get back to work. “Alright, four donuts it is,” he said to himself, then reconsidered — better make it eight. 

Stress eating was one thing. After- stress eating? That was on a whole other level. And a whole lot more fun too. 

Chapter Text

The light of the nearby fire reflected in Sylvie’s tear filled eyes. He’d said his peace. Everything he could think of, except… the thing that didn’t matter anyway.

Love really is a dagger.

Then she kissed him and time stopped. The dimly lit room spun again and again, faster and faster. The man at the end of time changed into purple streaks in his vision, everything became a stomach churning blur.

Just hold on.

It seemed as though he’d been waiting his whole life for this moment, and now he had to hold onto it or it would all end in pain.

She pulled away, he pressed back in, and they spun faster and faster until the centrifugal force became too great and with a burst of light he was thrown out of the vortex, tumbling end over end and away from her, away from his only love, and into nothingness, crying her name over and over…

“Sylvie…”

One firm knock, four fast taps, and a double knock to finish it off. Then came a muffled call of, “Delivery!” in a soft spoken voice.

Mobius didn’t wait for an answer (he wouldn’t have gotten one) and carried on down the hallway merrily eating a donut he’d snatched from the top of the cart he’d left in front of Loki and X-9’s room.

That was nearly an hour ago.

Now, a much louder bang sounded on the door to their room.

“I think your duplicate forgot to open the door,” X-9 mused, a bit dreamily. “Do you want me to take over?”

The door clicked open in the distance as Loki’s duplicate finally managed to open the door to push through the cart containing the meal Mobius had graciously left for them in the hallway.

“No need. Anyway, I’d much rather you focus on something else at the moment, I am working rather hard at it,” he said, laying a kiss on one of X-9’s thighs.

He had knelt between them beside the bed earlier that morning, taking the weight of her legs onto his shoulders.

He currently had two fingers pressed into her, which he was using to lovingly massage and stretch her deprived perineum.

She sighed contentedly, “I’ve finished three times since we woke up. Mission accomplished.”

“I think you can give me one more, unless you’re getting hungry that is?”

He placed a wide open mouth kiss over her folds, pushing them aside with his tongue until he had reestablished contact with the heavenly nub he had been thoroughly acquainting himself with all morning.

Oversensitized as she was, she winced slightly as his tongue made contact. “I have been wondering what your duplicate found for us, but…” she propped herself up on the bed with her elbows, then twirled her fingers through his hair to encourage him up. “I think I’m ready for more than your tongue.”

He laughed, evasively, “You may be but I may need more time to recover.”

This wasn’t strictly the truth since he had been lazily stroking a partial erection since he’d dug into his first breakfast. This was not long after he’d summoned the energy to throw the covers off, slide off the bed, and drag X-9 to the edge by her hips — winning him a string of surprised giggles even before his tongue reached her centre.

He had already had one leisurely release by that time, spilling between her thighs into the hand she placed between them. He hadn’t planned on it. They hadn’t spoken at all — just acted in semi-slumber — letting each movement of their bodies together lead to another and another. 

Awakening on his back, having rolled away from her at some point during the night, his knuckle had still rested against her spine, providing a small but much needed point of contact to his unconscious mind during the night. 

Once awake however, it wasn’t nearly enough, and he had rolled to his side to reclaim his place as the big spoon.

To his delight, the first thing she had done as she had begun to stir was to grind her backside against his morning wood, drawing a sleepy groan from his mouth.

Still barely awake, she had followed a semiconscious need for more contact, shifting her legs until she had the early riser clamped securely between her thighs.

Loki had simply relaxed in her warmth for a time, not in a hurry to do anything. Eventually, he’d begun to make small absentminded thrusts along her folds, which soon turned into a building need. 

Not making any attempt to press into her, despite the repeated invitation of her tilted hips, he had continued to rock between her thighs until he came, removing himself from the equation for a time. 

Now, X-9 caught him by the jaw then nearly folded herself in half to press her mouth to his. Turning his fingers inside her to attend to the opposite wall, he hit that wondrous spot that had been singing for him all morning. Lovely as they were (kneading inside her with pulling strokes) his fingers were not the primary inspiration for that song.

Sneaking a hand under his arm she encouraged him up again with a short tug. “Maybe we can try anyway? See what happens?”

He crooked his head to the side, considering. Then stretched his neck up dramatically, as if working out a few tough kinks. “Um… sure, of course.”

He slowly withdrew his fingers, getting lost in the sight of their sheen as he pulled them out of their warm place of residence. Giving her a smirk, he made a show of seductively plunging them into his mouth to lick them clean, which contrasted starkly with the yawn he stretched himself into next.

X-9 narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously (he was obviously stalling) but shifted over on the bed, allowing him to sit down beside her.

He took a deep breath, sighed deeply, then flopped down on his back behind her, arms and legs thrown wide like a starfish on the beach, then closed his eyes and declared, “Alright, I’m ready. Have your way with me.”

For a moment she just looked at him. She was hoping for a little more enthusiasm. “Ah, Loki?”

“Yes, my love.” He cracked an eye to peak at her reaction.

She raised an eyebrow at him, “I’m sensing some hesitation.”

He shook his head slowly, “No…no, I’m good, just thought you’d like to take the lead is all.”

She trailed her fingers along his torso. “Not that I don’t want to, but I don’t want you being afraid you're going to break me.”

“No, of course not.” He replied quickly.

“Because you won’t. Far be it from me to deflate your ego, but you’re not that big.”

He propped himself up on his elbows to offer a meek defence. “Well, that’s a matter of perspective…”

“In fact, you look juuust about perfect,” she said, biting her lip and placing her thumb at the base of his shaft, then dragging her index finger along his length until she reached the tip.

His cock leaped at the touch, seeming much more eager than Loki himself.

She ran her finger tips around the head of his very much hard enough cock. Then she looked him in the eye, “So why don’t we get right to the point, and you tell me what’s actually bothering you.”

He huffed out a nervous laugh, “I don’t know… I guess I just didn’t expect things to happen so fast. Yesterday I couldn’t even touch you. I just want to make sure that you’re ready. That you feel comfortable with what we’ve done so far. Let it sink in a bit.”

She sighed, “Loki, you were never the problem. The way I was thinking was. There’s no shadowy figure looking over my shoulder now. It’s finally just you and me. I know it sounds strange, but I don’t know how I could ever have been afraid of being close to you. A few days ago it made all the sense in the world, and now it makes no sense at all.”

His brow furrowed, unsure of what he was about to ask next. “And X-12? Do you still blame yourself for what happened to her?”

She inhaled slowly, shrugged one shoulder up to her ear as if she was trying to relieve an itch without using her hands. She hadn’t thought about it since she’d smashed her fist right through the poor monitor that dared to display the N.D.s ridiculous farce of a leader.

“Right now I’m more focused on us. I’ll let you know. But I really do feel like a whole new person.”

He nodded slightly, trying to relax under her fingertips.

But by the time she had snuck her hand down to gently cup his balls and stroke her thumb down between them, he was busy working his teeth into his bottom lip and his quick breaths sounded more of uncertainty than arousal.

She sighed, placing a quick kiss on the apprehensive creases in his forehead. “I hope my problems didn’t rub off on you”

He swiftly denied it before reconsidering, “Well, maybe a bit. I had to learn a new way of living, making sure you were alright. I’ll be fine.”

She slid off the bed, not convinced that was all there was to it, but she didn’t press him for the moment. “If you need some time, why don’t we eat?”

He sat up quickly, “Eat? Yes, good idea.”

An idea began to form in his mind as he clambered out of bed — dim light, soft music, poetry… something… something… ah… “I just want everything to be perfect — special! Not perfect.” He waved his hand and dressed them both in soft robes. “Nothing’s perfect when you try for perfect — but special.”

“Romantic?” She suggested, following him out of their bedroom.

“Yes, that’s the word. Exactly.” He agreed, filled with excitement as he swiftly pulled a plate off the bottom of the meal cart. He placed a variety of fruit, cheese, a muffin and one ridiculously sweet looking donut (covered in pink icing) on it and handed it to her.

She took it with a nod of approval, taking a bite of the strawberry donut first. “You know, Sylvie got Loki these cute little elephant underwear,” she said with a suggestive flick of her eyes to his crotch.

Loki returned a face halfway between amused and appalled, “I think we may need to expand your idea of romance just a bit.” He pulled another plate off the bottom of the cart, paused, and uncharacteristically picked up a donut covered in a tall mound of whip cream before following X-9 to the couch to sit down.

“You’re probably right,” she agreed, nudging him affectionately. “But you’re sure there’s nothing else bothering you?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Just remembering the look on your face when you pried open that door and saw X-1’s robot, It seemed like you had some history there.”

Loki grumbled at the thought. That simple digitial face greeting him upon his humiliating introduction to the TVA. It had conveyed a distinctly un-robotic sense of smug pleasure at stripping him of his Asgardian finery against his will. He had not been amused.

“It’s not a big deal. They bring everyone in that way. After what I did, I sort of had it coming anyway,” Loki said dismissively, trying to figure out how to get the donut in his mouth without getting a nose full of whip cream.

X-9’s little hum of scepticism told him she wasn’t convinced. “Have you ever gone back there? Just to take a look?”

Still studying the overtopped donut for a plan of attack, he took a tentative lick before responding. “I’ve never really thought about it. So much happened after that. I’ve changed so much,” he shrugged. “I don’t think I'd have much of a problem with it.”

“What about having some fun with it?” She said, grinning slyly. She swiped some whip cream off the top of his donut and deposited it on the tip of his nose, causing him to flinch back for a second with a startled laugh.

“What kind of fun?” He asked, wiping the cream off of his nose.

“Let me think about it.” She replied, an idea beginning to form in her mind. Still riding a high from her successful journey through N.D., she thrilled at the notion of recreating it on a smaller scale, now without a flock of demons inside her, dragging her down. If she could use her new freedom to help Loki exorcise a few tiny demons of his own, so much the better.

She plunged the remainder of her donut into her mouth (just a bit larger than bite size). Swallowing it down, she gazed back longingly at the stack of donuts still on the cart, then back at Loki, who was daintily swiping fingertips of whip cream into his mouth. “Did you really pick out all those donuts yourself?”

Indecisively pausing his finger on the tip of his tongue for a second, he decided there was no way she didn’t already know he had help. He sucked his finger out of his mouth with a pop, “Ask Mobius.”

She smirked, “Thought so.”

By the time they finished eating and got dressed, Maria Hill had sent a message to Loki’s tempad, asking if he was going to be in for the day.

“I’ll tell them I’m taking the day off.” Loki assured X-9.

“No, you go ahead. I’m gonna go for a little walk. I’ll let you know where to meet me when you’re done, ok?” She told him with an enigmatic lift of her eyebrows.

Loki sighed. He had been the one who suggested they slow down, but the prospect of spending even a portion of the day away from her would surely challenge his resolve.

On the other hand, it would give him time to come up with an idea for a first real date before they fully consummated their relationship.

“You have me intrigued. I suppose it’ll be worth a brief, if agonizing, time apart?”

She rolled her eyes at his hyperbole. “Let’s hope. I’ll walk you to your floor, come on.” She pulled his hand, eager to get out and explore with new eyes.

He halted them a moment before their door and kissed her deeply.

About ten minutes later, they finally stepped out into the hallway, after X-9 had tucked Loki neatly back into his pants, having insisted on placating the erection that popped up all too readily as their lips met, despite the tiredness he feigned earlier.

With his thoughts still swooning from the feel of her hands on him, Loki squeezed himself into the corner of the main elevator.

X-9 leaned her back into him and let him wrap his arms around her.

It was a marked contrast to their first elevator ride together (with X-9 nearly bowing out the wall trying to put space between them), and it didn’t escape the notice of the people waiting for a ride on the floors they stopped on, as each new passenger became infected by their high spirits.

The intimate elevator ride Loki had expected, soon turned into a game of squeezing as many of the TVA’s denizens into the cab as possible. Though seeing the utter glee with which X-9 ushered in each stunned and increasingly dubious face, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

A couple hunters, a gaggle of archivists and three analysts had already been squeezed in shoulder to shoulder, when the doors opened to a very surprised Casey standing on the other side.

He offered to wait for the next elevator.

She cheerfully insisted they could make room.

He laughed nervously at the packed elevator and told her it was fine.

She put on her most persuasive smile and asked him to try it for ‘science’.

He apprehensively questioned the passenger limit.

She assured him they were still under by two.

One tepid ‘Ok’, some jostling, and few sucked in guts later, she had him crammed in with the rest of them, with enough clearance for the door to close.

Half the passengers spilled out on the next floor with more than a few sighs of relief. The rest gratefully made their way off on the one above it, the same one Loki needed to get off on.

Loki waited as the last one left and paused the elevator. Taking her by the waist he grinned at the pleased look on her face. “Enjoyed that, did you?”

She kissed him, then curled a half smile. “Sure did.”

“I hope sending you out there alone isn’t a bad idea, I’m not sure the TVA is ready for you yet,” he lightly suggested.

“I promise I’ll take it easy on them,” she replied in amusement.

Chapter Text

Tie even? Check.

Hair tamed? Check.

Paperwork complete? Sort of check.

Complexion clear of post coital glow? Not even close.

Loki laughed to himself, Loki would have something to say about it, he was sure.

Even though he had replied with “Be there shortly” not long after she’d sent the message, Maria was surprised to see him. Not only because he’d told her where he was taking X-9, but from experience, shortly for Loki could mean anything between three minutes and a week.

“Didn’t really expect you in so soon,” she said, slightly amused at the pronounced spring in his step.

Loki handed her the file he had spent some time working on, a proud grin on his face.

She flipped through it. “Wow, impressive. This is like eighty percent complete.”

“I think you’ll find it’s closer to eighty-five,” he suggested, pointing out his handy work on the next page.

“That’s debatable. Still beating Loki’s record though. Speaking of which, could you talk to his next patient for him? D-90’s looking a bit anxious to get out of here.”

“I thought you said Loki was here already?” He questioned, scanning the room for his counterpart.

“Oh he is. Somewhere. Taking longer than usual to get the day started,” she muttered under her breath, “just between you and me, I think he’s having a bit of an identity crisis.”

“Huh-aaahgh! Loki!”

A wide eyed analyst with round framed glasses and slicked down parted hair yelled out as he frantically jumped up on his rolling chair. It slowly swivelled around as he crouched down on it awkwardly, keeping his feet safely away from the large black snake slithering under his desk.

Loki cringed, “I’ll talk to D-90.” He agreed.

“Thanks so much. And, ah Loki,” she added with a touch of concern, “we can manage if you’re needed elsewhere you know.”

“I know, it’s ok. Everything’s alright.”

“Good to hear.”

It wasn’t the first time Loki (either of them) had talked to D-90 about restoring his memory, and he was fairly certain it wouldn’t be the last. As much as D-90 wanted to know who he was, he was absolutely terrified of the idea. At various times in the past he had made an appointment to get familiar with the procedure then inevitably got cold feet and backed out.

Loki noticed a difference this time. Whatever had prompted D-90’s current attempt to get over his fear, had him nervously clearing his throat and avoiding Loki’s perceptive eyes.

D-90 wasn’t overly talkative on the best of days, but the blush of embarrassment that fanned over his face like a forest fire and settled into his ears for a deep burn when Loki simply asked, “What changed your mind?” Was a pretty good indication that someone special had entered D-90’s life.

After spending a few minutes explaining the process — again — and a few more minutes of mulling it over, D-90 finally said he would be back tomorrow (maybe).

“You're welcome to bring someone… for moral support.” Loki offered with a knowing smile.

“Uh… thanks,” he said quickly, unable to stop his normally stoic expression from turning into a boyish grin.

Loki stood and watched him leave, letting himself soak in the endorphins that spilled from his own overflowing heart. It was an incredible thing to be able to share this joy with others after all the centuries standing bitterly outside it.

He’d had more wonderful days in the few months he’d spent with X-9 than he could ever remember. The obstacles keeping them apart had been a minor inconvenience considering the anguish he’d been in before.

But this? This was something else.

Sitting down at his desk with a contented sigh, it wasn’t long before he felt precisely what had sent his co-worker into a panic — the strong muscles of an undulating body pressing against his shoe.

He didn’t startle, but he doubted that was Loki’s intent in his case anyway. He cocked his head and glanced under the desk. “Are you going to laze around all day scaring people or were you planning on doing some work at some point.”

The snake turned its head towards him, gave him an indifferent tongue flick and then proceeded to climb his leg. It didn’t stop its ascent until it had wound itself around Loki’s neck, seeming to be settling in for a long nap.

Loki shared an exasperated look with Maria, then carried his serpentine counterpart to the nearest empty conference room and closed the door.

“Care to change into a form more conducive to conversation?” He asked.

The snake squeezed him once in protest before moving over and around his neck, ensuring every part of its long body came in contact with bare skin, before proceeding down around his abdomen to his leg and then departing to the floor.

It shimmered with green light leaving his counterpart’s native form standing before him, stretching his arms up contentedly like a house cat bathing in the warmth of a sunlit window.

“Hmm, a shame, your skin is so delightfully flushed right now. What could have caused that I wonder?” He asked, clearly already knowing the answer.

“When are you going to learn to mind your own business?” Loki suggested with mock offence, attempting but largely failing to prevent a wave of giddiness from painting his expression. 

“I have a special interest in your business. Mobius got the censored version, but I hope you're not going to hold out on… yourself.” He said, placing a hand on his chest with a sly grin.

Loki rolled his eyes at his other self’s assertion, even though he still tended to think of him that way. How much of the seductive game they had been playing with each other was simple self attraction, and how much was a lingering desire to restore what was divided?

Whatever it was, his counterpart felt a distinct need for the intimate details of his life. What’s more he was more than tempted to provide them.

“Already grilling Mobius for information are we?”

His counterpart feigned innocence, “I was concerned,” he insisted, “mainly for you, X-9’s got a good head on her shoulders. All Mobius said was that you were back.” He chuckled, “The blushing and nervous coughing told me the rest.”

Loki huffed out a laugh. His duplicate hadn’t been overly discreet on its mission to find breakfast, and he still felt so happy right now there really wasn’t a lot stopping him from running down the halls and shouting at the top of his lungs.

Still, X-9 deserved some privacy even if he were bursting at the seams with the need to share his joy. She could do her own shouting if she wanted to.

“We had a very good morning, and that’s the last word you’ll hear about it from me.”

He licked his upper lip mischievously. He knew his counterpart wouldn’t be satisfied with that of course. And since he wasn’t telling, a bit of show would have to suffice.

Leaning in to capture his mouth, he offered his other self a boastful tongue, giving him a sample of the skills he had been putting to use all morning. It was as much as he was willing to share for now.

His counterpart accepted it with gusto, taking note of every descriptive stroke. Their mouths gossiped over each other a bit longer than was strictly necessary to get the point across, until an unspoken reaction was pressed into Loki’s hip.

Loki laughed against his counterpart’s mouth, placing one hand on his chest and the other over his bulging crotch, he playfully shoved him away. “Gods, you are insatiable. Or has Sylvie gotten tired of you already.”

His counterpart grunted from the stimulation and leaned into the wall, “Hardly — and I could say the same for you. Maybe I’m just overwhelmed by your lovely glow.” He smirked, then absentmindedly ran his finger along a scuff in the wall before adding, “But since you mentioned it, Sylvie did spend the last few nights going over proposals. It’s important for the council to have her unique perspective.”

“Seems far more useful than whatever you’ve been up to.”

“On the contrary, I am simply performing my sacred duty as a God of Mischief, sowing tiny seeds of chaos in this barren ground. In case you haven’t noticed, people around here are still far too comfortable with pointless drudgery.”

“I have noticed.” Loki looked him over. “Nice suit.” He said approvingly. His variant had replaced the standard issue brown slacks and off white shirt they both regularly wore with an all black suit. A dress code violation, certainly. But then that was exactly the point. The codes weren’t being enforced anymore, but people still dutifully followed them.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d appreciate it or not, you seem very attached to your TVA uniform.”

Loki shrugged, “It’s comfortable.”

“That’s entirely the problem.” His other self grinned.

Loki rolled his eyes, “Anything I might be interested in in those proposals?”

His counterpart coughed uncomfortably, suddenly realizing the topic he’d casually mentioned as a way to work Sylvie into the conversation was going to get more scrutiny than he’d expected. “Ah… all the judges have voluntarily stepped down without a fuss. Now all the council has to do is construct a legal system from the ground up. Shouldn’t be too difficult, right?” He said lightly, hoping Loki wouldn’t push further.

The next words fell out of Loki’s mouth before his better judgment could stop him.

“And the prisoners from N.D?”

“Why do you ask?” His other self replied with a nervous click of his tongue.

Loki didn’t miss his discomfort. If a second ago his better judgement would have told him to leave well enough alone, it was foolishly silent now.

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t?”

His counterpart paused for a moment, before deciding it was too late to avoid bringing the rain to Loki’s sunny day. “Mmm… they’re planning to… uh… let them go as soon as they’re sure they can be trusted.”

Loki's face contorted in disbelief, “Let them go? Why?”

His counterpart glanced evasively at the ceiling, “Who here has clean hands to sit in judgement? Certainly not us.” He replied.

Far too dismissively for Loki’s liking, as if that somehow explained why the people who ran horrible experiments on X-9 and even worse on countless others could simply be let go.

Loki set his jaw defiantly, “I know of a few.”

“I’m guessing you still haven’t read Sylvie’s report on the prisoners, have you?” His counterpart looked at him warily.

“No. I thought it best to keep out of it.” He admitted, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

“I don’t blame you,” his counterpart said, pulling out one of the chairs along the conference table. He sat down with an overly agreeable smile, and gestured to the chair beside him. “Ok look, you’ve had a wonderful day so far. And there’s absolutely no reason that can’t continue. So I want you to sit down, let me tell you what Sylvie found, and remember…that everything’s fine… and at no point is there any reason to blast me across the room, alright?”

“That doesn’t really make me feel any better.” Loki said, sitting in the chair next to him, and turning it to face him. Arms and legs crossed.

“It should.” His counterpart tried again to assure him. ”Now, as you know, Sylvie was asked to enchant the prisoners to see what information they had.”

Loki nodded, “Yes, I was a little surprised it didn’t produce anything useful.”

He sighed, “I’m sorry to say, it didn’t go well. The first one she enchanted is currently under medical observation in some kind of coma. They’re not sure he’ll ever wake up.” He added gravely.

Loki nearly leaped out of his chair, “What?! That’s never happened before! Why didn’t you tell me?”

His counterpart lifted a soothing hand, “We didn’t exactly hide it from you, but there wasn’t a reason to worry you unnecessarily. Maria’s on top of any changes we need to make. It shouldn’t affect what we’re doing here. It wasn’t the enchantment that did it, the poor soul’s memory had been wiped so many times it’s unlikely he’ll fully recover. The false personality the TVA grafted onto him was the only thing holding his mind together.”

Loki dropped his face into one hand, rubbing his eyes, “And the others?”

“The council thought it better to wait for a more urgent reason before attempting it again. Better a mind held together with spit and chewing gum than nothing at all.”

Loki raised his eyebrows at the odd phrase; it sounded like something Mobius would say. “If you're trying to be comforting, you’re failing spectacularly.”

His other self cleared his throat uncomfortably, not affirming or denying Loki’s suggestion, “Um… anyway, what we did find is that the unfortunate fellow was not just a researcher. He had been a test subject as well — cycled in and out of different experiments multiple times. Sometimes the victim…” he paused, knowing Loki was very likely to jump to unhelpful conclusions.

Loki bitterly finished his sentence for him, “Sometimes the perpetrator.”

“Yes, memories wiped in between.”

Loki shuddered at the thought, “Are they all like that?”

His counterpart shook his head, “We don’t know. We didn’t try enchanting any others. And none of them volunteered — probably for the best.”

Loki felt a tightness in his chest. He stood up quickly and walked over to bury his face into the nearest wall, unable to stop a terrible onslaught of scenarios from running through his mind like a herd of gazelle fleeing a hungry lion. One more thing to add to the list of things he didn’t know about X-9 — that she didn’t know about herself. Was she in danger? Did she know about this possibility? She felt guilty enough about X-12 as it was, if she had served time as one of the monsters that had haunted her dreams — well, maybe he knew too much about that.

His counterpart stood up behind him, “You shouldn’t worry. When you talk to them, you can tell there’s something missing. Not like X-9 and the others. When you talk to her, she’s normal, she’s whole — just missing some memories, like everyone at the TVA. You shouldn’t worry about her mind.”

He shouldn’t of course but it wouldn’t stop him. “But we still don’t know how long she’s been in there? We don’t know if she was one of the ones who-“

His counterpart cut him off firmly, “No we don’t. But there's no reason to make assumptions about anything else. You said it yourself, we don’t know how long she was in there.” He added more gently, “But it couldn’t hurt to shift your ill-will back towards the man Sylvie turned into a shish kabob for all of us – just in case.”

Loki closed his eyes. Part of the reason he hadn’t read Sylvie’s report is that he did have a lot of ill-will towards any and all of the people responsible for what X-9 went through. What he didn’t know couldn’t provoke an unhelpful bout of revenge.

But were they any different from X-9? Were they as much victims as she was? Was she as much a monster?

His mind shied away from the thought for many good reasons and one selfish one considering his own checkered past. He wanted to keep her as she was. Innocent. Free from all the darkness he’d inflicted on the world. Not that he deserved someone like that.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder. He looked his other self in the eyes and saw them softened by a hope surely to draw his ire if he heard it spoken out loud.

“I really don’t think you should worry,” his counterpart whispered in a soothing, almost apologetic purr.

Loki felt like crying out, why not, but he already knew the answer; his other self had thoughts about who X-9 was, for his own selfish reasons.

When they had been one person — one Loki — they had gone through something that had left an unbreakable bond between them despite the separate paths fate had led them down. Different from any other Loki variant they had met.

They fell in love, and not just any love, but one that transcended time, that could break reality, that would go on to heal the multiverse. A love they had believed was irreplaceable, and that without it to sustain them they would wither and die — Sylvie — their true Glorious Purpose.

He knew now that while the first part of that personal creed had been the absolute truth (as his counterpart and Sylvie’s multiverse saving relationship could attest), the last part was a codependent lie. A false belief he’d been forced to reckon with the moment he time-slipped into their rough attic and listened to the sounds of that transcendent love, affirming and denying his faith with each ecstatic moan.

The thought of someday seeing Sylvie’s face again had been the only thing keeping him going through the agony of time-slipping and the endless parade of wreatched and lonely Loki variants he got to witness on countless timelines. Finding Sylvie after all of that, only to be pushed away had certainly felt like death.

Lokis survive, but his relationship with X-9 was evidence that there wasn’t just survival without Sylvie, there was happiness as well.

His other self didn’t want to face that yet (if he was lucky he would never have to find out first hand), but he wasn’t about to indulge any of his counterpart’s pet theories trying to bring him back into the fold. X-9 was her own person, one he’d come to love in a much more conventional, less mystical way, but love nonetheless. She deserved to be respected for who she was, not some Sylvie substitute. His other self would just have to accept his heresy and learn to worship his Goddess alone.

He nearly growled, she’s not Sylvie, but again he stopped himself, not feeling like starting the argument again; he had reasons to worry about X-9 before, he had more reasons now. But there wasn’t anything he could do about it for the time being.

“I never worry.” He said finally, one side of his mouth curled acutely with the irony of that statement. It wasn’t lost on either of them.

They held each other's gaze for a brief moment, continuing their wordless disagreement with subtle muscle twitches around their eyes. Just see things my way and be happy, they both seemed to say to each other.

But then as Loki turned away, Sylvie’s name floated through his thoughts. It dawned on him that she had had to experience that prisoner’s booby trapped mind first hand and felt a wave of guilt.

He glanced back, “Ah… how is Sylvie dealing with all this?”

The question prompted a touch of surprise in the familiar blue eyes regarding him. “She’s lost people before — through enchantment — she’ll survive. I don’t think she ever really had the time to think about it for this long though.”

Loki nodded sadly. One of the reasons they were being so careful with everyone at the TVA is that some minds couldn’t handle the stress. He really didn’t want to know what it felt like to be inside somebody’s thoughts as they lost their grip on sanity, or worse, slipped into the abyss.

“Thank you for asking,” his counterpart added with a hint of amusement clinging to the edge of his genuine appreciation for Loki’s show of concern. If he thought he’d won a small victory, Loki was willing to let him have it in this case. He hadn’t really been making that much of an effort to make things between him and Sylvie less awkward.

Looking over to clock on the wall, more as a means to change the subject than from any concern about his schedule, His counterpart smoothed down his tie. “Well, I guess we should get back to work, I still have three analysts to frighten out of their funk,” he dropped his eyes to the floor, “and I think I’ve spoiled enough of your day for now.”

Loki pursed his lips, “I would have found out eventually. It’s better to know.”

His counterpart nodded without looking him in the eye, then gripped him around both arms close to the elbow. “Set me down under F-25’s desk, will you?” He said as casually.

Before Loki could reply a large black snake was draped across his arms. He sighed and lifted the four foot serpent over his head, setting it on the back of his neck. “Just remember, I am not doing any of your paperwork.”

The snake flicked a saucy tongue at his assertion and wound itself back around his neck.

Despite his counterpart’s request, their coworkers were able to relax. Loki went straight to his desk to sit down and stared blankly at the empty form in front of him, lost in a sea of unpleasant possibilities.

The snake made no move to leave, but gave him the occasional squeeze now and then as he stroked his fingers over smooth scales to soothe his anxieties.

This would blow over. He’d meet X-9 later today. They’d pick up where they left off like nothing had happened. In the meantime he allowed himself to be comforted by the simple presence of his other self.

Despite uncertainties about X-9’s past, he still felt secure in his relationship, something he was extremely grateful for. Sylvie and his counterpart would get there eventually.

He might never be able to untangle the confusing mess of emotions between him and Sylvie, but that didn’t really matter anymore. Some things weren’t meant to be fixed. It only made him appreciate what he had with X-9 that much more.

Chapter Text

The corridors were filled with people and X-9 walked among them.

First alone, confident and unbothered, even amongst the disordered chaos.

Then splitting into two, she sent out an illusion in the opposite direction.

Before long the two became three, and then four, weaving easily around the analysts and minutemen breaking for lunch. Amusement and a touch of surprise filled the faces moving past her many eyes; they had grown more or less used to the magical antics of Lokis by this time, and duplicates were welcomed far more than snakes.

Now that she could finally do something as simple as walk down a hallway full of people without feeling like she was stepping through a minefield, she felt more like a Loki than she ever had, like the goddess she was born to be.

It was beyond overwhelming, but in the best way possible. Every sense and sensation that would have threatened to bring her quivering to her knees now only a source of elation.

Wanting more of a challenge she sent out a fifth duplicate. Then quickly teleported herself to catch a stack of files a startled archivist dropped when he accidentally walked right through one of them.

By the time she reached her destination she had spent a good chunk of three hours practicing her magic and provided some entertainment for the passers by (some were more appreciative of this than others).

The section she stood in now was empty. Abandoned since the uprising that had overthrown the TVA’s leadership. Only one set of doors stood between her and the place she hoped would relieve Loki of some of his lingering unease, even if for him, it was only a minor irritant.

Spotting a rotary telephone sitting on a small table nearby, one of the many that dotted the TVA, she grinned. One small phone call and she’d have Loki here in no time.

She reviewed her well thought out plan as she picked up the receiver and dialed Loki’s number.

He really couldn’t get there soon enough.

Loki was infected by the excitement in X-9’s voice the moment he picked up the phone, but he had already begun to feel a bit better by that time.

Realistically, he still didn’t know any more about X-9’s past than he did before. Everyone at the TVA held unpleasant secrets of some kind, it was just the nature of the place. Whatever her past held (whoever she was), as long as they were together they’d get through it.

His counterpart’s near impossible belief that X-9 could actually be Sylvie was banished safely to a deep dark corner of his mind. He’d fought too hard to move on, to respect X-9 for who she was to give it any serious thought.

But, once he’d made it perfectly clear he wouldn’t tolerate any more speculation in that direction (implied or otherwise), spending time with his other self had helped lift his spirits as well.

Working together, the two Lokis had enchanted all their patients for the day and spent the remaining time amusing themselves — this time by watching several of their coworkers trying to get an illusion of a water cooler to give them a drink.

They had been in the middle of making up for it by personally delivering glasses of water to each and every one of their colleagues, when he’d stepped away to take X-9’s phone call. Loki would have to finish charming his way back into their co-workers’ good graces by himself (the prank was his idea anyway).

The glee in X-9’s voice was apparent even over the phone and it shone through the remaining clouds dotting his sky. He tried to sound surprised when she told him where she was, but he had already assumed they would be headed to the variant processing section.

On a list of unsettling incidents in his life, being stripped of his armour by a smug automaton didn’t rank very high, but he could understand X-9 wanting to give him a bit of a symbolic victory after achieving a very real one of her own. Most importantly it would be fun and he certainly wasn’t going to object to that.

He left the office in an upbeat mood with a head full of arousing possibilities.

On his way out the door he respectfully (and somewhat apologetically) nodded to Maria, threw a friendly salute to a few analysts who lifted their noses up out of their paperwork, and gave Loki a sly grin and a sharp slap on the ass (which earned him an eye roll and a half-hearted admonishment to stop starting things he didn’t plan on finishing).

He took the shortest path he knew towards the now abandoned section of the TVA, not concerned in the slightest that the sight of it would stir up any unpleasant memories.

Having arrived at the door to the courtroom (the very location of his trial), Loki looked around. The door was slightly ajar and since he didn’t see X-9 out in the hallway he assumed she must be waiting for him inside.

Anticipation ran through him as he smoothly pushed open the door, took a couple steps into the room and…

…froze.

The room looked much as he remembered it. The stand where he had refused to plead his case was in front of him. To his right was the judge’s bench where Renslayer had stared down on his impudence. And behind, the three wooden faces of the Timekeepers, the supposed gods of time, looking over it all.

To say it was conflicting would be an understatement; his processing and trial had been humiliating, and yet it had set him on a path to find more happiness than he could have ever imagined.

But that wasn’t what had drained all the blood from his face.

There in the audience seating (second row), sitting with her feet propped up on the back of the bench in front of her, staring out from between her knees, a look of pure contempt set on her tear stained face, was X-9.

His heart landed in his stomach. Every nagging fear in the back of his mind seemed to manifest before his eyes. The shadow left on his heart from the upsetting conversation he’d had with his counterpart fled from a storm of much more immediate fears. His knees felt like they wanted to buckle, but were locked rigid at the same time.

After a few seconds that seemed to drag on forever, he managed to choke out a question, “What happened?”

X-9 flicked her eyes to him for a second, her lips parted around clenched teeth. She glanced away, fighting something within herself. Finally, she took a few deep breaths, and shook her head, “It’s nothing… I’m fine. “

Through sheer force of will Loki commanded his knees to bend hoping they didn’t give out completely. He took a couple steps but then quickly stopped himself, remembering. He held up his hand, “Just let me know if I get too close, I don’t want to… ah-“

He closed his eyes, he couldn’t get the rest of the words out. As if finishing a sentence he’d uttered countless times would take all the strength he had and then some.

Seeing the frazzled state he’d worked himself into, she dropped her feet down with a sigh. “Come here… please? Sit down.”

Unsure and now almost trembling, he moved to the end of the bench she was sitting in. As he’d done countless times before, he watched her face for any sign he was getting too close. He sat down, still far enough away to be safe.

“Don’t start that again,” she said, sliding over to him without hesitation.

She hugged him around the abdomen. Resting an ear over his heart, her arms held him reassuringly tight. Her hands attempted to gather up the small amount of slack fabric in his shirt in her squeezing grip.

He let out a little huff of air — as much from the relief of her touch as the overly tight squeeze she’d locked him into. He could feel the tension radiating off of her but was grateful for every point of contact, even the feeling of the knuckles of her tightly clenched fists pressing into his flesh, counteracting some of the nervous energy he was radiating.

Inhaling deeply, he let out a long slow breath. The need to stay physically separate had weighed on him more than he’d realized. The thought of returning to that restriction after feeling the warmth of her body against his was almost too much to bear.

“You don’t look fine,” he told her softly, letting his arm settle naturally around her.

“I’m not,” she nearly growled out, grinding her teeth a couple times, as she sank some of her frustration into a briefly tighter squeeze.

Loki swallowed hard. He had to ask the question weighing on his mind, even though it seemed like she’d answered it with her actions already. “Are you certain you’re alright with me being here? Touching you? Everything we’ve done so far?”

She loosened her grip and sat up, lost in thought for a second.

A second was all it took for panic to knock on his door again. His body tensed up and he couldn’t stop his mouth from twisting into a frown.

X-9 noticed at once. “Yes. Of course, yes.” She said quickly to assure him. She still had an edge in her voice but it wasn’t directed at him.

He tried to take her confidence as comfort, but as his next words came quivering out, his cheeks were wet with tears by the time she stopped him.

“They told us these things take time though, right? We knew it couldn’t be that easy. Shouldn’t have expected anything to happen right away. I- I didn’t mean to push you… I should have held back more… I-”

She swallowed his next word as she pressed her mouth into his, trying to remove his doubts with a swipe of her tongue. She ran her finger over his wet face and through his hair. Not pulling back until she felt him relax a bit.

“You didn’t push me, remember. I was pulling you with me every inch of the way.”

He sniffed back his tears, trying to keep his voice even, “Ok… so what’s wrong?”

“I’m angry,” she squeezed her eyes shut, “I’m angry and I don’t want to be. I came here to have fun. With you. To mock this whole trial process. Make a game out of the misery they inflicted on everyone. Laugh at the devil, I suppose.”

“To show ourselves it had no power over us?” Loki asked in a soft voice.

She clenched her jaw, “I don’t remember being brought in. I don’t remember my trial. And yet here I am, still their emotional puppet!” She spat out the word then took a shaky breath, “Set off by three wooden faces. I hate it. I hate them. I don’t want to hate them, I want to feel nothing about them at all. I wanted to walk in here and not care. I don’t have a single thing to prove to them.”

As the words left her mouth it hit her how ridiculous it sounded. Of course she cared or she wouldn’t have come here in the first place. That realization only further soured her mood.

He reached out to put a steadying hand on her thigh, still trying to pull himself together, “What do you want to do about it?”

She shook her head, wringing her hands over each other, holding in tension like an overwound watch. “I want to get rid of the feeling that I need to tear down that wall right now, is what I want. I want to feel good again. Like this morning. I just want to feel like that.” She closed her eyes as she tried to expel the unwanted fury.

“I know what you mean. Maybe we should have stayed in bed,” he suggested lightly, gently rubbing circles into her inner thigh.

The touch had an effect, redirecting some of the fire raging through her to burn lower — in a more pleasant location. She crooked her head to the side and hummed in agreement, focusing on the shiver that started radiating out from the gentle stroking of his thumb.

“You’d think being outside of time we could just pick a moment. Stay there forever. Pretend I’m not still broken.” She mused bitterly.

He hummed, beginning to sound much more relaxed than he felt, “If you’re broken, I’m broken with you. Maybe we need to be content to put ourselves back together a few pieces at a time.” It was a nice sentiment, even if he didn’t really want to look too closely at his shattered self.

“I suppose.” She said, somewhat glumly.

The last day or so she’d been running on adrenaline, a high she never wanted to end. All the resistance holding her back had been cut away and she felt like she had no limits, like she could leap across the whole TVA if she tried.

It couldn’t last. She should have known if she didn’t watch where she was going she’d smack straight into a wall. A wall adorned with three space lizards in this case.

Feeling tears sting her eyes, a different kind of exhaustion kicked in. Not the physical exhaustion that guided her into a blissful sleep the night before. But an emotional exhaustion from now understanding just how heavy the burden on her shoulders had been. And that the effects of carrying it all that time weren’t going to be swept away in a single act of rebellion. It almost seemed more daunting a task now that she knew how things should be. N.D.’s mental conditioning had stolen her life and now resentment threatened to take its place.

“I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t think I want to do anything at all.”

He felt some of the anxiousness drain out of him as she laid her face on his shoulder. He took his hand off her thigh and wrapped it around her. “Nothing can be a good plan sometimes,” he said, smiling softly.

Inhaling his soothing scent, she nuzzled into him further, letting him take the weight of her head. She didn’t have to hold herself up anymore, didn’t have to be strong all the time. Even this simple contact between them was a luxury, something to be grateful for. It wasn’t in any way fair that she had to be thankful for such a simple, normal thing as being held when she was upset, but she was.

“I can’t begin to tell you how good it feels to just be here with you. But now that I know what they took from me…” She hugged him tightly again. Her thoughts flickered back uncontrollably to the way the Timekeepers and their lackeys would twist this situation if they had the chance.

See what we did for you? You should be grateful. Fruit tastes so much sweeter when you’re starving. You would’ve taken this all for granted without us. You were happy with nothing before. Now with everything, you’re miserable.

She winced and pulled him tighter. She was grateful for him, not them. A few truths sown among a field of lies was nothing to be grateful for. Her fingers pressed into his muscles. She settled them into the spaces between his ribs. He laid his chin on her head as they held each other, letting the storms within them calm.

After a few minutes of stillness when their bodies had fully wound down, he whispered, “What were you planning to do here? We can always come back another time.”

She let her thoughts drift back to that morning, trying to remember why she thought this was such a good idea. To her surprise she was wonderfully sidetracked by the half conscious memories of their morning together. It surprised her just how vividly they returned, along with a soothing rush of arousal.

Pure pleasure, barely a thought. His comforting weight at her back. His already firm length, first resting perfectly between her buttocks, then sliding between her thighs as they’d both let the sensations guide each motion, not really having an end in mind.

She just let it happen, soaking in the pure bliss of it. Able to let him move as he wished, not needing to do anything except respond to each nudge and stroke and jostle with as much or as little response as she desired. The satisfaction of feeling him pulse out his ecstasy into her waiting hand. The pleasure that built within her every time the head of his cock found her swollen nub. Being dragged across the bed and licked clean, both filled with giddy excitement, as he brought her easily to orgasm again and again. A memory she could go to when the present challenged her. No fear, no guilt, only solace, not measured or quantified or judged by anyone.

She had so wanted to feel him inside her then. Swing the pendulum the opposite way; from separation to penetration — all the way under her skin.

The couple days prior, when she had woken up and finally began to understand what had eluded her (as if an incomprehensible jumble of unreachable knowledge had coalesced into simple perfect shape), she’d set herself on a warpath.

She knew now she was still girded for that battle. What would happen if she let her guard down? Was she really moving so fast because she wanted to, or because she was afraid someone or something might snatch it all away at any moment. The rage that welled up when she walked into the room and saw those three wooden faces sure felt like it.

Sitting here with Loki now, his body pressed against hers, as well as knowing she had a safe corner of her mind to retreat to, was another kind of victory; that a brief storm could part to clear skies once more. That even though the highs of freedom tempted her back to anger for what they took, the lows could be a springboard to launch herself back to that high again.

She traced a finger along his thigh. “Maybe you can do that thing you were doing a minute ago and I’ll see if i can remember.”

He smiled and nuzzled into her hair. He felt like sobbing in relief, but he was determined to give her the sensual distraction the tone in her voice was asking for. A distraction he very much needed as well.

“You mean this?”

Instead of removing the arm he had around her he began making little circles on her thigh with his other hand. Then shifted up her leg. She rocked her hips slightly at the touch.

“Was this in any part of your plan?” He purred into her ear.

“Um…” she inhaled a slow breath as he moved closer to her centre, “let’s say yes. But after. We’d start in this room.”

“Start what?” He asked seductively while lightly running the tip of his nose and his lips over the side of her face.

She swallowed, trying to keep her thoughts straight while enjoying the small tingles his exploration provoked in the top layer of skin. “A nice little game of hide and seek.”

“Sounds interesting,” he mused, “so would you hide or would I?” He moved his circling thumb even higher, prompting her to open her thighs a bit to give him more space.

She shimmed her hips (trying to urge him higher). Much to her delight the embers of arousal reignited easily under his gentle touch. It was reassuring. She let it take over her brain like some wonderful drug, even as she resolved to continue teasing him with the details of her little game.

“I would,” she replied definitively.

“And I’d find you. What’s the catch?” He whispered.

“The catch is I steal your zipper before we start.” As she said it she unzipped his pants and snuck a pinkie inside.

He shuddered, but did his best to control himself; he wanted to keep the focus on her for the moment. “And ah… after this attack on my wardrobe — where would you hide?”

She withdrew her finger and finished opening his pants, popping the button open with one hand. “The room filled with all the pages of every word you’ve ever said, sounds like a good place to start.”

“A whole room?” He asked dubiously, doing his best not to focus too much on her fingers exploring the fabric of his underwear.

She reconsidered. “You’re right, must be two rooms at least.”

He laughed. He had to admit the stack he’d been asked to sign was pitifully small considering his love of hearing his own voice. “Alright two. I’ll find you among the mountains of all my past lies, and then what?”

“Well, I notice your little wardrobe malfunction. We wouldn’t want you walking around with your underwear on display….”

“Very uncouth,” he agreed.

“So to help out, I slip my hand inside your unfastened pants… and make your undies disappear.”

She pulled the band of his underwear down until she had his cock nicely uncovered, not bothering with magic. Still soft, she flicked him between her thumb and forefinger, quite pleased with watching him flop.

His breath hitched a little at her toying with him, but he still fought to keep himself more or less at bay. “I see. And I suppose you run off to hide them somewhere else then?”

“Oh yes.” She gently traced her finger along the length of his cock. “Meanwhile, you’d have to make your way through the winding queue with your bits hanging out.” She giggled internally at the thought.

“While I ignore Miss Minutes' boring lecture I suppose?” He suggested, chuckling to himself at her barely disguised amusement while slipping his hand under her waistband and into her underwear. He stroked his fingers through the soft curls he found there.

She sighed into the touch, the feeling was exquisite. Gentle tugs sending shocks of feeling across her skin. She had to admit, her little game would have been fun, but the simplicity of just sitting here together, with no specific goal in mind, was just as enjoyable.

She closed her eyes for a second, letting herself float on the waves of pleasure the motion of his fingers were provoking. Then opened her eyes and continued, “Ah… in case you're tempted to listen, I’d be waiting at the start of that queue to give you a little encouragement.”

“What kind of encouragement?” He asked in a low sultry tone, while sneaking a finger down to test her wetness.

“I uh… would give you a little kiss on the…” she lightly brushed her fingertip over the tip of his still mostly soft cock, “nose,” she teased instead.

He stifled a grin at her touch. “I’m sure my… nose would enjoy that very much. What’s next?”

Next — she’d had the next right on the tip of her tongue. But his deft fingers were busily stealing away every one of her thoughts, plunking them out of her mind with each light teasing stroke over her labia.

“Um… next, I, uh.” She couldn’t stop herself from letting out a soft moan before collecting her scattered thoughts. “Now, just to make really sure neither one of us is a robot, I’ll take you by your tie and lead you through the temporal aura scanner.”

“We can’t be too careful.” He agreed, laying a kiss on the side of her neck. Very much enjoying the challenge of teasing her just enough to enhance her story while still leaving enough of her brain cells functioning to continue it. “What now?”

“Then a few jumps through the hatches in the ceiling, and you’ll find that I’ve learned to teleport you,” she turned down her mouth in a playful pout, “but not your clothes sadly.”

“We might need to work on that,” he offered, biting his lip as she fondled the loose skin over his balls. “Or not as you’d like.”

She hummed, “Oh I think you’d like, because I have a little surprise for that fine-leather-hating robot. I’m sure it’ll be very disappointed when you don’t have any clothes to destroy.”

He narrowed his eyes, “It did seem to take an unnecessary amount of pleasure in that.”

She smirked, “I’m sure it’ll feel downright defeated when I push you into the corner behind it, so it can listen to, but not see all the things I’m gonna do to you on my knees.”

At the thought of her lips on him, he failed to stop his cock from bouncing as a rush of blood made its way downwards. “Show it we do what we want,” he replied, breathlessly.

Watching his semi-erection rise, she grinned victoriously, “Precisely.”

He swallowed a shudder of anticipation. “So, should we go and do that now?” He asked, cupping her mound with a slight squeeze.

She considered it. Arousal simmered throughout her whole body. It would be a simple thing to lie back here, chase an orgasm or two, move to another room and do the same. As for the robot, her interest in the rebellious game she’d planned had passed. Even the wooden faces in front of her seemed much more wooden than they had when she’d walked in.

“I think I just want to stay just like this for a bit longer, then maybe… find something to eat?”

She wiggled into the pressure of his hand a bit, but she was content, and didn’t feel the need to go farther. Though she didn’t want to deprive him either, “Unless you still want to show that robot who’s boss?”

“I’ve already forgotten about it.” He assured her, letting the final tension in his body spring loose.

They sat there for a while, just relaxing. Their hands and fingers lazily roaming and teasing, but not going beyond that. Then with a whisper against the side of her face, Loki broke the silence. “You know, all of this took me by surprise.”

X-9 stifled a laugh, “What? You mean you didn’t plan to move in with me after spending a few hours together?”

Her light hearted remark almost sailed by him because he was struck with the realisation that he could feel her laugh, subtle as it was. The slight tensing of her muscles to push the small puff of air out of her lungs, the gentle rush of breath grazing his neck.

He pressed a smile to her forehead before responding, blinking back tears that threatened to form with the intimacy of the moment. “That’s not what I meant — but now that you mention it, that should have been my first clue,” he kissed her forehead again, “no, I mean I thought we would slowly break down the barriers between us. I wasn’t expecting everything to happen so fast. I was worried…” He closed his eyes, struggling to keep his emotions in check.

She bowed her head and traced her thumb over the back of his hand, “That we’d have to go back to that?”

“Yes,” he admitted with a deep centering breath.

He didn’t mention that just the feel of her body against him now soothed aches deep inside himself he didn’t even know he had. He couldn’t be that selfish. He was supposed to be helping her, not piling his own issues onto her back. But he couldn’t pretend they didn’t exist, that he didn’t desperately need to feel her arms around him at the very least.

“But you do want to take your time for one thing in particular?” She asked, calling attention to the seeming contradiction.

He nodded, “I guess I was building up this idea in my head, probably more as a way to help me deal with the situation than anything…” He stopped, realizing how insensitive that sounded. “Um, not that it was hard for me to deal with, it was just-“

X-9 cut him off, she wasn’t the only one trying to heal the wounds of a difficult past, and Loki had been neglecting his for as long as she’d known him, “Loki, I saw the state you were in when you walked through that door. You can’t tell me it wasn’t hard for you to deal with.”

He pressed his lips together. “Ok, yes,” he admitted. “Not the waiting,” he clarified, “just the fear of doing something wrong… something to hurt you.” Something to lose you — the dark corner of his mind suggested, but he quickly kicked dirt over that thought.

X-9 rested her head down on his shoulder and he tangled his hand in her hair, gently guiding her face into his chest. She made a small sound of contentment as she snuggled into him. “You won’t. You were never the problem. But looking back now, the idea of forcing my way through that terror inch by inch? It was never going to work — sounds like torture actually.”

She’d said it casually enough, but Loki winced at the thought. “Listen, whatever you need to do, I’m fine with — anything.”

She sighed and closed her eyes, “Maybe I finally feel like I'm on dry land again. I can wait… learn to slow down, enjoy the ride. Not that I want to go backwards or anything.”

“Perish the thought.” He slid his hand from where it rested on her hip to fan out over the curve of her ass. Squeezing once in reassurance. “And I’ll try to take your word that you're ok. It just… might help me catch up with you… a bit.”

She took his hand and squeezed it, “Whatever you need.”

He sighed, bathing in the comfort of her warmth. She seemed so much more confident, so much less fragile than she’d been. He melted even further into her body, letting his tears flow freely in relief.

Chapter Text

Pompeii, 79 AD

Loki looked out across the bustling city. In the distance, a volcano loomed. “They have no idea.”

“It’s better that way,” Sylvie said. She sat on the bed, fiddling with the buckles of her breast plate, donning her armour once more.

This was the part he hated.

The ground shook and first tendrils of smoke emerged from Vesuvius’ peak.

“I wish I could have found you earlier,” he said, feeling strangely numb.

“It wouldn’t have made a difference.”

Her voice was distant, tinged with sadness, and perhaps some hint of regret? Maybe it was only his last sliver of hope that made him think so. It would be gone soon enough.

His top half was still bare. Vulnerable. The rough cloth of a toga was draped loosely around his waist. She approached and placed her hand in the middle of his chest.

He winced, but not from pain. Once more, the ground rumbled as the woeful mountain began to spit out its anger.

“It won’t be long now,” she said.

“Maybe I can go with you this time?” He pleaded. But knowing the answer, tears slid down his face.

Saying nothing, Sylvie turned her back to him, opened a timedoor, and stepped through.

She was gone, and he waited. Waited to be buried under metres of ash and be done with it.

But the world twisted – stretched like taffy.

Or he did.

X-9 opened her eyes. Below her, Loki’s whole body jerked in his sleep, the steady thump of his heartbeat increasing rapidly in her ear.

She had spent most of the night draped over him. It wasn’t the most comfortable position to spend the night in, but the feeling of closeness, his warmth, the touch of his skin, the rush of his breathing soothing her to sleep, more than made up for the morning stiffness she was sure to feel as a consequence.

The bout of anger that ruined her plans the previous day seemed like a distant memory now, though she’d come to accept that it would happen again. The TVA was filled with reminders of what had been done to her and so many others and it was impossible for anyone here to completely escape it. She wasn’t about to live in fear of that.

After she and Loki had left the courtroom they spent the rest of the day simply enjoying each other's company, holding each other close and enjoying the unrestricted touch that was now available to them. A hug, the warmth of their bodies pressed together and hand stroked through the other’s hair. Even more than the acts of passion she had propelled them both into, that simple intimacy seemed to solidify her new freedom.

It would have been perfect. But Loki picked at his hands when they weren’t occupied with holding her, and he’d tense slightly if their touches grew too intimate.

The panic he’d experienced the previous day when he saw the pain on her face had been understandable. They’d both been through a lot in the last few days, but Loki was still nervous about something and he wasn’t hiding it well. It made her begin to worry she’d shrugged off her affliction, only for it to land on his shoulders instead.

Now fully awake, she lifted her head from over his heart and blinked groggily at his face, still twitching in response to some scenario his unconscious mind had concocted.

Whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“Loki,” she whispered near his face, trying not to startle him.

It didn’t help. He startled anyway, though not specifically to anything she had done. First his body tensed as if he were about to throw her off of him and bolt out of bed (to her relief he didn’t). Then he lifted his head slightly to incoherently slur out, “N-no, stay,” before his eyes cracked open enough to see her staring back at him through lashes still heavy with sleep.

“I’m not going anywhere,” she told him with a small huff of a laugh – her newly dyed locks framing her face like the sun shining down on him.

He didn’t reply, he reacted. In a single abrupt motion the muscles of his arms contracted around her, pressing her tightly against him. And at the same time he found her lips, inhaling himself into her as if she were oxygen itself - with a desperation she hadn’t felt from him before. It was as if he had run around the world to find her instead of having slept under her all night, and he didn’t give any indication he was going to let go any time soon.

He was obviously upset about something. It was also incredibly arousing, which was not really compatible with either his current state of mind or the leisurely pace he wanted to set for their relationship, but that energy had to go somewhere.

She moaned.

At last, this brought him to his senses enough to realise where he was and he relaxed his grip allowing himself to shyly laugh as it what she’d just said to him, fully sunk in.

“Um… no of course you’re not,” he replied, furrowing his brow in confusion, not really aware that her words had been a response to something he’d unconsciously blurted out moments before.

Since he had now stopped clinging to her tightly enough to jump out of an airplane with only one parachute, she propped herself up to look at him. “Bad dream?”

He sighed and shifted in an exaggerated working out of the kinks before letting his hand find the small of her back. “Maybe – fortunately you’re here to chase it away,” he added with a small laugh he hoped would lead her to drop the matter. The remnants of his dream were now only a lingering haze of emotions. The sooner he moved away from the topic the sooner that haze would dissipate (or so he hoped).

“Are you sure you’re alright?” She eyed him quizzically.

“I’m supposed to be asking you that,” he evaded. Then lifting her hand to his mouth, he placed a gentle bouquet of sensations in her palm, a graze of his teeth, a brush of his lips, the warm moisture of his breath and tiny licks of his tongue – each unique like flower pressed into her hand.

An attempt at distraction if she’d ever seen one (or felt in this case).

He was very good at it, but she wasn’t going to be so easily dissuaded. She let the chill it provoked pass over her, then turned her hand away. “Because for a second there it seemed like you were most definitely not alright.”

He kept his eyes on the back of her hand. “I was just a bit disoriented, I’m fine now,” he said. And since he’d been deprived of her palm, began ghosting his lips over her knuckles instead.

She didn’t respond, but kept a skeptical eye on him until he finally had to look up. “Really,” he continued, “if you’re ok, I’m ok.” He coaxed her into turning her hand again and sucked gently on the inside of her wrist.

She pursed her lips, “Well, if I’m not ok, I’ll let you know.”

“Good,” he said with a finality that attempted to put a pin in the matter, then tried to move his mouth higher, but she pulled her arm back.

“And you’ll let me know if something’s bothering you, right?”

“Sure, of course,” he laughed softly to cover an unpleasant shudder as he felt the lingering traces of his nightmare brush against his thoughts. He really wanted to change the subject before the muck of emotions his dream had left behind had the chance to sink into his long term memory.

“Hungry?”

X-9 chewed at the side of her mouth. He was often resistant to talk about things that bothered him. Up until this point she hadn’t wanted to push too far. “Yes,” she said simply. Then, since he didn’t want to talk, gave his nipple a flick of her tongue and watched for its (and his) response.

It pebbled irresistibly, so next she gave it a nice wide lick — curling up the corners of her mouth at the slight giggle he couldn’t help holding in. “This is nice,” she mused, “I think I could keep myself occupied – just right here – for quite a while.” She lightly stroked the firm nub around the edges of her tongue, then moved to the middle, savouring the gentle friction.“ You’re right, slow is not bad at all.”

“You see?’ He chuckled, “good things come to those who wait.”

“And to let you catch up with me,” she said, setting her chin on his chest and lightly stroking her fingers through the fine sprinkling of hair on his chest.

He closed his eyes and murmured vaguely in agreement. His mind leaned into her touch (and hopefully) away from her questions before they started poking at a spot he didn’t want poked at.

“What did you mean by that, exactly?” She pressed, continuing her examination of his left nipple, now with the tips of her fingers. The feeling was fascinating, almost downright irresistible.

He pursed his lips to block a nervous laugh, her touch was beginning to tickle a bit. “That I… am just getting used to the way things are now.”

“Anything else?” She planted a row of kisses under his peck while her fingers continued their work.

“I don’t think so,” he said, shifting his hips, “If you're alright I’m alright.” The itch at his nipple was morphing into an itch somewhere else, and he fought the urge to stuff his hand down his shorts and adjust himself.

She hummed, “You’ll know if I’m not. But if I’m not, I have no intention of staying that way for long,” she assured him. Returning to his nipple with her mouth, she licked and sucked until he was squirming under her.

Over stimulated, he breathed, “Mmm, glad to hear it,” and slid his hand smoothly over his peck to deny her access. Then laughed and grabbed her by the upper arms, turning them over smoothly to pin her underneath him. He laid a silencing kiss on her, which conveniently ceased her line of questioning. For the moment.

His weight pressed her into the mattress – something else pressed into her thigh. Now that the flood gates had opened for her, it was going to be hard to hold back, like some experience hidden in her past was telling her body to rush in. She and his cock seemed to be in agreement, his thin sleep pants didn’t hide much.

“If you really want to wait, I think we’re going to have to start wearing more to bed,” she suggested, not able to resist a small roll of her hips.

He took a deep breath and paused, “Um, I suppose so.” He slid off of her and sat up, to sit on the edge of the bed “Sorry.”

Following his lead, she settled down beside him. “Would that really be so bad though?” She asked, “If it just happened spontaneously. Would it really spoil your plans?”

He sucked in a deep breath and slipped his fingers between hers, taking a firm hold of her hand, while rubbing apparent fatigue out of his face. “I suppose not,” he said, finally, “I just wanted to leave something… new for us to look forward to, I guess you could say.”

She thought for a second. “You mean like an item on my list?” She asked. “I guess we should have talked about that before I got rid of it.”

Loki shook his head, “It was yours to get rid of, don’t worry about it.”

“Was it though? When we started all this I gave it to you. It was yours as much as it was mine.” She ran her fingers along his thigh, tucking them up under his shorts. “I know you’re worried about me, but as you can see I’m fine – or on my way, I suppose. So what’s bothering you now?”

He dropped his gaze to the upturned hand she’d laid in his lap, as if asking for another gift. This time she got one in words.

He swallowed nervously, “What’s next?”

Now outside of him, it almost felt as if his words had changed the ambience of the room. As if they’d settled into the corner like an ugly lamp that didn’t go with the decor: took up too much space, the wrong colour – he didn’t know what to do with it and he really hoped she would.

“Whatever we want, I guess. Anything,” she assured him.

Anything? That word seemed to expand the room into nothingness. He felt like pulling his legs back up on the bed. As if stepping off would see him falling into an abyss. His throat trembled with emotion but he forced out the next words, “It just feels so… everything. Like I don’t know where to step next. Too open. Too big.”

She took his hands and gripped them firmly, “I made that list as a guide for me – but it was a guide for you too, wasn’t it?”

He shrugged, “Maybe.”

“We could make a new one?” She suggested.

Oh, that was a thought. A new list – a new plan. He could do that, it seemed simple enough. “Uh… Ok, yes… first item, like I promised, we should do something romantic. Special.” He hadn’t figured out what that looked like yet, probably because once they’d done it he’d have to think of something else and for some reason he was having trouble seeing that far ahead. “A beautiful, memorable, something, which I promise I’m working on, and then…”

“Fuck,” she offered with a grin.

He narrowed his eyes at her, "You really have been spending a lot of time with Sylvie haven’t you?”

He held a playful expression, but having said Sylvie’s name (without really thinking about it until he’d already done it) had one of those unruly emotions threatening to break through again. Maybe what they were doing now, essentially planning their future, would pacify it at last. He could hope, anyway.

He adjusted her crude statement as he wrote, “Make sweet, passionate love…”

She laughed, “I thought that’s what we were doing already?”

He rolled his eyes with a sigh, “Fine. Simplicity it is,” he wrote down “Fuck,” and went to the next line, letting his pen hover over the blank space in the next section, a white emptiness that somehow represented all his fears. As she said, it could be anything. But anything could be nothing as well. That was far too close to the dangerous feelings he’d locked away to bear thinking about. “And then we…” He paused there, afraid to settle on any one thing.

She took the pen from him and quickly wrote – do it again – after, which oddly made him feel better. It was something, and her next suggestion was much more than that.

“I think there’s one thing that needs to go first, or at least near the top,” she added seriously, “I need to get my memories back. I can’t blame you for being nervous about where we’re headed when I don’t know what’s lurking in my past. I need to know. I think you do too.”

It probably should have terrified him, but oddly it didn’t. He’d spent enough time the previous day mulling over his doubts (with his other self wrapping in serpentine slumber around his shoulders). X-9 wasn’t anything like that prisoner whose mind had collapsed under Sylvie’s enchantment, and the TVA certainly hadn’t created X-9’s personality from scratch. Whoever she had been – she was still that person, just with a different set of memories and experiences.

And he knew her.

So, if there was any darkness lurking in her path, whatever it was (even if she had successfully invaded New York). They’d face it together.

Then they could move on, start their new list — their new life — keep adding, never stop.

It would also shut Loki up, which made him like it even more. She wasn’t Sylvie – Sylvie wasn’t her (at least not since they both were children and Sylvie had been taken by the TVA). The sooner they finally put that fantasy to rest the better off they’d all be.

“Are you going to ask Sylvie to enchant you when you see her today?” He asked, now almost excited for her to get started. Almost excited enough to go with her.

Almost.

Loki (Sylvie’s Loki) sat in a comfortable reading chair, in the corner of the small living room of the cute little two-story house he shared with Sylvie in 1980’s era Midgard. Sylvie had chosen this house so they’d stayed. The fact that she was with him, made it all the home he needed.

Now, with X-9 sitting on their paisley patterned couch, only centimeters away from Sylvie, it felt even more complete.

X-9 had literally knocked him off his feet when she’d arrived. He had stood up from his chair to welcome her properly, not expecting that properly would mean being knocked back into that same chair in a pile of overlong limbs when she mischievously hurled herself into his arms. She had been waiting to do that, and told him as much.

She and Sylvie then settled down on the couch to talk, while he sat reading and pretending not to listen. He did listen (and no-one expected him not to), but they did largely expect him to keep his mouth shut in this particular case.

As expected, his other self had not accompanied her – there were so many reasons their house would be a minefield of unpleasant feelings for him, so he did (begrudgingly) understand. His counterpart had laid shaking and anguished on the shag carpet in this very room after he’d been carried down from their attic, where Sylvie had first stabilized him with her time device before they took him back to the TVA so the technicians there could do the rest. They’d cured him of his timeslipping, but they couldn’t undo the choice he made.

To place another him in the only place he wanted to be.

He existed because Loki (the original one he supposed) had slipped back into his own past and warned him away from the trap the TVA loyalist forces had set for him. It changed that timeline, created a nexus event in that universe, and so one Loki became two, leaving him to find Sylvie, defeat Kangs forces with the help of the rest of the TVA rebels and have all his dreams come true. The other, seemingly lost to time and space.

He hadn’t really expected this other Loki to come back. So when he had reappeared only metres above the bed he shared with Sylvie every night, a part of him couldn’t help feeling threatened – because Norns what do you even do with a situation like that?

He didn’t get the fight feared, he got one he hated a lot more. None of them had spoken much; their feelings had largely been communicated in pained looks of regret and a horrible acceptance on the face of his tragic other self as he’d all too easily gone into a kind of self enforced exile. It might have been the right thing to do at the time. When Sylvie was still learning to deal with others after being alone for so long, and him not knowing the first thing about being a good partner.

But now that there were two of her? That was a revelation. X-9 had helped Sylvie come out of her shell more than he could have ever imagined. They had an easy comfort with each other they didn’t share with anyone else. They complimented each other where he and himself grated and antagonised.

Flipping a page with a swiftly wetted thumb, he let himself bask in the warmth of their presence as they continued to discuss the past few days.

His book hid the tears he allowed to rise his eyes as X-9 described her journey through N.D. Sylvie had been her inspiration – even to the point of dyeing her hair, and she looked so like Sylvie had when he’d first met her it was almost as if a Sylvie of the past had stepped into his living room.

The effect wasn’t lost on him at all.

Despite the seeming impossibility and they’re subtle differences in personality (differences that he felt could be wholly explained by X-9’s memory loss and imprisonment in the Nightmare Department) he couldn’t escape his conviction that these were two in the same.

He was the only one who believed it was possible, and he and Sylvie had discussed it at length.

“Tempad’s didn’t want to let you go back and meet yourself,” she had told him, “what if a team of hunters went out and then two teams came back? Or fifteen? Talk about insanity.”

If you wanted to circle back on yourself you had to push past safety warnings galore. She had assured him she’d never done it (never wanted another miserable version of herself running around).

Then there was the time device of He-Who-Remains that stayed safely in Sylvie’s possession even now. The last thing that monster wanted was more of himself, it didn’t even have the option.

So that was that, his gut feeling was only a feeling, not a real possibility. Somehow he still trusted it more than TVA technology. Though, even if his gut was wrong, and X-9 shared only a fraction of Sylvie’s life, it wouldn’t matter. They would still be there for each other, and so would he.

Now, if only he could get Loki here too, maybe they could start to change the ugly memory at the start of it all.

As the two women moved on from X-9’s battle and on to her victory, their eyes often darted his way, lips turned up in subtle smirks as they watched his reaction. As they shared a lover in two people who were one not so long ago, there was a lot to compare. And they definitely got a lot of enjoyment from the fact that he was sitting across the room not listening.

He was pleased his other self was not putting either of them to shame in that area – though there was a hesitation on X-9’s voice that he questioned. If it turned out Loki wasn’t satisfying her, the two of them would need to have a very serious talk. But he wasn’t going to worry about it for now, partially because X-9 seemed more than content, and the two of them had only just begun to explore each other.

The other reason he wasn’t worrying about it was Sylvie had just changed the subject and X-9 had responded yes when Sylvie asked if she was ready, and that could only mean one thing.

Stunned, excited (and a bit nauseous), he leaped to his feet and mentally sorted through one of the speeches he’d been preparing for this occasion.

“Loki, calm down,” Sylvie admonished him.

He smoothed out his hair, trying to appear collected, “I am calm,” he protested, “I was just wondering what timeframe you were thinking of?” He shrugged with a casual sniff.

“No time like the present,” X-9 told him plainly, “I need to know. Loki does too.”

He nodded, trying to stay cool headed (it was all happening so fast), “You’re going back to the TVA for that, right? Or you’ll wait until Loki’s here. I can go get him and…”

Sylvie stopped him, “No – Loki shouldn't be here and neither should you. You know I’ve been preparing for this. I know it’s not standard procedure, but this one’s different. We need the time alone. I wouldn’t do it if I wasn’t certain I could handle it. I’ll be careful.”

He squeezed his eyes shut. It was special. Whether forgotten memories from childhood or a meeting or her apocalyptic life, Sylvie would be seeing remnants of herself in X-9 (or a life she could have led).

“I know, but what if…” He left it hanging, hoping she’d relent and let him hang out in the basement or something. Leaving them alone on the timeline sounded like an impossible agony.

Instead he got a stack of files slapped into his hands.

“You can take these back to the council, I’ve done looking through them,” Sylvie told him.

He dropped his eyes to the top page, a large green check mark that (as usual) represented the extent of Sylvie’s comments. As long as they left the timeline alone she was happy. If they didn’t, they’d have a date with her sword.

“All good?” He cleared his throat.

“Yes,” she said, shifting to a seductive tone, “so tonight, I’m all yours.” She gently tugged his collar and pulled him into a kiss.

He wasn’t going to be distracted by the promise of sex this time though. “Does Loki know about this?” He asked X-9, changing tactics as he sent the files into his pocket dimension for safe keeping.

X-9 approached him and set a hand on his shoulder, “Yes, and he knows I’m in good hands,” she said. He felt her fearless eyes fall on him. Eyes that had faced an unimaginable inner terror and now seemed to fear nothing, not even death itself. She was right of course, they would only get in the way. It still irked him that Loki wasn’t worried. Even though he’d told him not to worry only the day before. He hadn’t actually expected him to listen to that. It was their job to be worried, wasn’t it?

X-9 gave his arm a squeeze, “Loki’s in the archives with Mobius making plans of some sort. Why don’t you see if you can help for a bit. He could use some ideas.”

“Alright,” he finally agreed, “but I’ll be back within the hour.”

“Good,” Sylvie added. She opened a timedoor for him and assertively walked him over to it, “Now, go find Loki, help him with his planning or something, offer him a blow-job – I don’t care. Just give us the time we need.”

He sighed deeply, accepting defeat. Glancing over his shoulder at the two identical faces, both of whom he loved in different ways, he placed a hand over his heart and stepped through a timedoor into the TVA.

Even if his concern for them sprang more from this love than from any real danger, it still felt like the right thing to do. The fact that his other self seemed happy to leave them to their own (admittedly very capable) devices, without so much as a word of opposition didn’t sit well with him at all.

The only conclusion he could reach was that the festering wound keeping his other self away from Sylvie had overridden a (to his mind) proper concern for X-9. If his other self couldn’t bring himself to be in the same room with Sylvie even now, when X-9’s whole future lay on the line? What would happen if (when) she turned out to be that same Sylvie; the one that had kissed them and sent them away in that final push for revenge.

It was a slow moving disaster if he’d ever seen one and his counterpart wouldn’t be able to avoid it for much longer.

Tensing key muscles, he diverted the small rush of blood that had trickled downward at Sylvie’s crude suggestion. If Loki wanted that kind of attention from him, he’d have to earn it (preferably by being in a room with X-9 and Sylvie eating their beloved salty snacks and urging them on).

No, for now he had something else up his sleeve.

He let his magic pass into his pocket dimension and emerge with a small velvet box, clutching it protectively in his hand. Hopefully it would knock Loki out of his apparent complacency before it was too late.

Chapter Text

Gazing down the corridor, X-9 took a deep breath. “It looks like the TVA,” she said, a bit sadly. But of course it would. Her memories were locked away behind the barrier at the end of this pathway in her mind; what else had she known?

“It usually does,” Sylvie explained, “don’t worry. This is just a representation of your memories (at least the ones you actually remember). The open doors along the hallway would let me gain access to specific ones. I won’t be looking at those, we’ll just move past until we get to the end.”

“What if I want you to?” X-9 asked with a slight smile. It was exciting and nerve wracking at once, “look, I mean.”

Sylvie returned her smile and took her hand, “Just let me know.”

They started down the corridor, along the dull carpet of her mind. Sylvie kept her eyes on their objective, her pace steady. 

X-9, by comparison, let her head turn to look into the open doors they walked by — they were her memories anyway — she knew that Sylvie would respect her privacy, just as she did with everyone she helped. But she almost didn’t want her to. It had felt right for Sylvie to be here since the moment she had placed her fingertips to her temple.

Like coming home.

“What was that?” Sylvie asked, apparently having caught the edge of her conscious thought. Inside the enchantment, thinking and speaking were almost as one.

“Nothing,” X-9 smiled, “just thinking.” 

Door after door, they continued, passing memories, good and bad. Despite what X-9 had said earlier, she chose not to stop at any of them. There would be other times to share, they weren’t here to linger on any one of them.

And she wouldn’t have, except that halfway to their objective, one memory gave her no choice.

A particularly prominent scar, billowed out from one of the doorways, stopping them in their tracks. X-9 knew what it was even before the shadowy form stepped out from the haze. A guilt she knew she didn’t deserve but held onto anyway.

It seemed like the right thing to do somehow.

It was X-12 — the woman she’d killed with her forbidden feelings. She stood there, warmly holding out her hand, asking X-9 to reach out. To break the rules.

“Who is she?” Sylvie gently asked.

X-9 let the question sit for a minute in a swirl of emotions. Sylvie nodded her understanding. Linked as they were, there wasn’t much X-9 could keep hidden. And certainly not this. 

“She reminded you of someone?” Sylvie suggested.

“I think so,” X-9 agreed. 

“A lover?”

“Maybe,” X-9 replied, “maybe a teenage crush. I don’t know.”

The enchantment wavered for a second just then. They found each other's hands and squeezed as some of Sylvie’s own memories began to bleed into the enchantment against her will.

A new figure came to stand beside the memory of X-12. The woman’s face wasn’t visible; it looked as if it had been scraped out of a photograph, leaving the bare paper in its place. Her blond hair was unaffected and pulled back sharply. She wore armour designed for stealth and stood with the coiled readiness of a cobra.

An assassin. A black widow.

It wasn’t difficult to see what had triggered this memory in Sylvie. The two women were about the same height and build. Their hair colour matched (though X-12’s buzz cut contrasted with the long style of the other). But most of all the feeling that each provoked matched almost precisely; giddiness and a touch of arousal, wrapped up in pure awe.

And then was there guilt of course. It hung above their heads like so many clouds. 

“Did you try to forget about her?” X-9 asked. The memory’s defacement was unsettling, but understandable. It reminded X-9 that forgetting could be a luxury too. If only they could pick and choose.

Sylvie drew nearer to the two memories with a knot in her throat, “There are a lot of people I’ve tried to forget. Now and then, things remind me, and I have to remember leaving them behind to die along with their worlds.”

X-9 nodded, not expecting her to explain further, but Sylvie went on.

“It was difficult keeping track of years on the run, but I think I was around twenty or so. I had stumbled into a bad situation, worse than I’d seen up to that point. Earth was doomed, about to be wiped out by a Celestial being. There were earthquakes, things falling from the sky, fire everywhere. So much death. And of course, all the psychos were out. This one group surrounded me. I was about to teach them a lesson when she jumped into the middle out of nowhere. I could have handled them alone, but she didn’t know that. I had never seen a human who could fight like her,” Sylvie swallowed, letting her feelings wash over them both, then continued, “we made quick work of them. Then she let me hide out at her place until I had to leave.” Sylvie wiped a tear off of her face. “She told me they took her as a child, trained her to fight, to kill. Stole her life away.”

“Just like you,” X-9 said softly.

“Yeah. I don’t even remember her name. But that much I can’t forget.”

Like smoke carried on a breeze, the memories melted away. Clearing the path. “I guess we should keep going,” Sylvie said simply. The moment had passed.

X-9 nodded, took her hand and stepped forward again.

The archives were bustling with activity and every few minutes Mobius was forced to move from the spot he was standing when one analyst or another needed access to the shelf behind him. Ostensibly, he was there to help Loki find a book of some sort. But as Loki hadn’t told him what the book was supposed to contain, it would make a lot more sense for him to go and sit down out of the way.

“I could swear it was here,” Loki said, sliding yet another book he wasn’t looking for back into place.

“You know I could probably help if you described it a little better,” Mobius told him. “Blue with gold lettering isn’t a lot to go on, that describes about a million or so books in this place.”

Thumbing through his next target, Loki mumbled something vague about wheels, which wasn’t much better.

Fortunately, after a few more attempts, Loki appeared to find what he was looking for on his own.

“This!” Loki declared, pointing down into the thick encyclopedia in his hand, “this is the page she was looking at when we first really got to talk. She said it was something she was looking forward to.”

Mobius took the book from him (which was not blue and contained no gold lettering) and turned it in his hand to get a better look. “A ferris wheel?” he said, a bit surprised, “ok, well, it shouldn’t be too hard to find one. There are probably all kinds of timelines you could take her to without causing a branch.”

“It’s perfect,” Loki said, taking the book back and practically bounding over to the nearest table to lay it out. Mobius followed and sat down across from him.

“Ever been to a fair?” Mobius asked.

Loki shrugged, “Not on Midgard. Have you?”

Mobius leaned back in his seat, “I’ve snuck down to the timeline once or twice. The noise, the rides… cotton candy, carnies trying to swindle you out of a few bucks,” he chuckled, “great place for a date,” he said. Then he dropped his gaze and tapped his finger on the table a few times, before meeting Loki’s eyes, “not very intimate though, is it?”

Loki blushed immediately. His mind provided him with an unhelpful image of what he was planning to do after that date. Mobius didn’t know that part. Probably. But he still couldn’t help feeling like it was written all over his face. For all the time he’d spent torturing Mobius with too much information, he wasn’t sure why he was feeling so bashful now.

”Why do you think that would be a problem?” Loki asked, quite genuinely, because even if I’m going to fuck my girlfriend for the first time, was ‘written all over his face’, did Mobius really think he planned to do it at the top of a Ferris wheel?

“I know my Lokis,” Mobius told him, not missing a beat. “Now, you’re making a pretty big deal about this date situation when you and X-9 have already been together for a while, so I’m thinking there’s something special being planned here.

Placing a hand on his neck, Loki felt how warm he was getting as he turned several shades redder. There were of course any number of reasonable explanations. He and X-9 had jumped into living together. It was something X-9 wanted to do that she previously wouldn’t have been able to, etc…

But he didn’t say any of that. And Mobius already knew all of this anyway. Maybe this was Mobius’ payback, Loki just didn’t know why it was working so well in this instance.

After a few more seconds of silent torture, Mobius leaned across the table and whispered, “You’re planning to pop the question, aren’t you?”

Which just left Loki confused. “What question?”

Mobius winked at him, “You know, the one where you get down on one knee, or, I don’t know, give her a dagger or something.”

Oh.

Much to his surprise, the suggestion had his stomach doing a happy little flip. As a prince of Asgard, marriage had not interested him much. But now, he was free to do as he wished, without concern for the stuffy traditions (and restrictions) of royalty.

Now, if he wanted, he could do that. Take X-9 on one of those Midgardian contraptions. Let it lift them into the sky. He’d wait until they were parked at the top of it all, then press a kiss to her lips and offer her an intricate dagger as a promise of his intent.

“So, am I right? Or am I right?” Mobius said, knocking him out of his daydream (which had seen him biting his lip and staring off into space while grinning like an idiot).

Loki quickly removed his empty headed smile. “Ah, no. Definitely not. Perhaps, someday,” he admitted, “but it would be foolish to rush into such an important proposal.”

“Proposal?”

The question was asked by his other self who had appeared just then as if out of nowhere — actually this was exactly what he had done, but Loki was too engrossed in the thought of marrying X-9 to have noticed.

“Now, why wasn’t I told about this?” his counterpart said as he sat down beside Loki and immediately invaded his personal space, nudging him playfully as he slid the chair over.

Loki tried to elbow him back over, but was only able to gain a few inches of breathing room. “There is no proposal,” he asserted, “forget whatever you think you heard. I am just trying to plan a fun activity for X-9, that’s it.”

To his surprise his counterpart let the matter drop without a fuss. “I see. Well, whatever you choose I’m sure X-9 will be delighted.”

Hearing X-9’s name from his other self reminded him why he was likely here.

“How are they doing?” Loki asked.

“I got kicked out,” his counterpart made a face, “quite dismissively I might add.”

Mobius folded his arms, “Knowing you, you likely had it coming,” he teased, which got him a shrug that almost looked sheepish (minus a few sheep). 

Then Loki’s other self turned to him again, setting his lips to Loki’s ear to spare Mobius his next remark, “It was even suggested to me, that I offer you the use of my mouth – as something to occupy my time,” he whispered in mock indignation, then pulled back to speak louder again, “but I hardly think you deserve it, when you couldn’t even bring yourself to come along.”

“I’ll survive,” Loki withered in response. “Anyway – you don’t need to be meddling, and neither do I.”

Across the table, Mobius coughed as if he had gotten a piece of dust stuck in his throat. He hadn’t, but he wanted to remind them he was still there as Loki’s other self had started running an admiring thumb along a muscle in his neck. “I don’t know,” Mobius said, “if you had both been there, maybe you could have convinced them to let you hang out in the basement.”

Loki shook his head (both in response to Mobius’ suggestion, and to discourage his counterpart's attention which was beginning to feel a bit too good for the venue). “Knowing Sylvie, not likely. They’ll be alright.”

His counterpart’s upper lip gave a dissatisfied twitch at the words knowing Sylvie, but he didn’t comment. Instead he reached out to cup his hand over the centre of the table as if hiding a small object underneath. He then lifted his hand to reveal a box covered in deep green velvet. “Returning to the topic of proposals – there may be one sooner than you think.” He grinned.

Mobius grinned back at him, obviously knowing what was coming. Loki’s mouth turned in the opposite direction.

His other self opened the box revealing a ring slotted inside; small emeralds dotted delicate golden bands, interwoven like two serpents locked in an undulating dance. If he were going to select a ring for X-9, it would have been high on his list of contenders.

Mobius emitted a high pitch whistle, “Nice choice. I didn’t think you’d ever make up your mind.”

Loki meanwhile was working his expression into something that wouldn’t completely give him away. His stomach had all but dropped out when he realized what his counterpart intended to do with the ring. By now, Mobius had picked up the box and was watching the cut stones glint under the fluorescent lighting. At least that way he wasn’t noticing all the blood draining from Loki’s face.

His counterpart didn’t need to see Loki’s face to know what he’d done to him. Under the table, he ran his hand down Loki’s thigh, stopping to squeeze consolation at his knee. He’d pulled the rug out from under him, and they both knew it.

Loki tried to regain his composure, “Um… It’s exquisite,” he said, then attempted a laugh, “if you’re lucky, you might just win her over with that. You certainly need all the help you can get.”

He had intended to say this in jest, but the unpleasant feeling inside him slipped out between the cracks, leaving him sounding far too earnest for it to be anything but the truth.

“I certainly hope so,” his counterpart replied in a light tone (for Mobius’ benefit). But the thumb that lay againsn’t the side of Loki’s knee still stroked him in solace. This information wasn’t being shared casually, but to gauge his reaction. Loki was certain he’d failed the test.

“Anyway, I have an errand to run before I head back to check on them,” his counterpart said, standing up from his seat. He’d dropped this bombshell as intended and was now ready to make his retreat, leaving Loki to deal with the confusing aftermath.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” Mobius told him, “aren’t we happy for him?” He kicked Loki under the table.

“Yes, absolutely. Very… happy.” Loki repeated, though his mouth had gone dry.

“I’m so glad,” his counterpart said, returning the ring to its place of safekeeping and leaning over him to press a firm kiss at his hairline. 

Then he was gone. 

The wall that represented the block in X-9’s mind reached up as far as she could see. A massive dam holding back a deluge of memory beyond.

Unlike the walls in the minds of the human residents of the TVA, X-9’s wall glowed with green magic. A barrier of her own, pressed against the one put there by the TVA, protecting her conscious mind from its irritating presence, like an oyster growing a pearl around a grain of sand.

“You’ll have to divert your magic first,” Sylvie said.

At her words, X-9’s stomach flipped in a way that nearly turned the entire mental world on its head. It caught both her and Sylvie by surprise. Everything spun in circles. It took Sylvie a few virtual minutes to settle things out.

“Why do I suddenly feel like Loki was right to be worried?” X-9 said as they both had caught their breath.

Sylvie steadied her with an arm around her shoulders, “Loki’s worried because he feels like it’s his job to be worried; he knows how this is going to work. Now, I’ll be here to guide you every step of the way, but you're going to do it. You’re going to crack that wall yourself, because you can.”

“If you say so,” X-9 swallowed nervously.

“I know it looks different now that we’re here. There’s no reason we can’t stop. It’s up to you.”

Taking a small step forward, X-9 gazed up at the wall, disappearing into the darkness that formed the edges of her mind. Once she knew what was on the other side, there would be no going back. She’d still be herself. But she’d be who she used to be as well.

Herself, but not the same.

Clenching her fist, X-9 drew her courage around her like a cloak. “No, I need to do this. I want to.” Waiting wouldn’t make it any easier.

Sylvie nodded, “Alright then, place your hand on the wall. Your magic is used to flowing against it — try to push it down and around to let your hand pass through.”

Focusing, she did as Sylvie instructed and soon the green light flowed around her hand to expose a bare spot in the grey concrete of the mental wall. All her memories, her true self lay beyond. So close and yet completely beyond her reach – for now.

The next steps went more slowly. Sylvie fed them one at a time into her conscious thoughts, teaching her how to find a weak spot. Then how to reach into it and ever so slowly apply enough pressure to open a tiny crack.

A beginning.

Not enough to see to the other side; sometimes not even enough to let a single memory slip through, but in time (and with subsequent sessions) it would grow wider, X-9 would remember more and more, ideally at a pace she could easily manage.

The result, once it was done, was anti-climatic.

“That’s it?” X-9 said, weakly. All that build up for nothing. “I kind of hoped I would see something.”

Sylvie smiled, “I know. But nothing is better than opening things up too quickly,” she assured her.

X-9 knew Sylvie was right, but she still couldn’t help feeling disappointed. That feeling lingered as she opened her eyes to the sound of a loud bang!

Chapter Text

“What was that?” X-9 called out as she opened her eyes to the view of the popcorn textured ceiling in Loki and Sylvie’s living room.

“What was what?” Loki asked, leaning in the kitchen doorway. He had been standing there for a full two minutes watching them intently, having only just stepped through a timedoor. X-9 didn’t get a chance to respond before a decorative pillow was hurled at his head.

He ducked.

The pillow in question (a dark green corduroy that went very nicely with the furniture if Loki did say so himself), had come from the direction of a rather irritated Sylvie as soon as she’d emerged from the enchantment and found the most aerodynamic candidate at hand.

“That was less than fifteen minutes!” she complained.

Having caught the pillow with ease, Loki held it in front of him and smiled at her over the top of it with the innocence of a school girl. “And that was more than enough time, wasn’t it?”

“Barely,” Sylvie replied, rolling her eyes, then turned back to X-9, “how are we doing?” she asked, helping her up from the couch.

“Good I think,” X-9 said. Blinking away the disorientation, she looked around for possible sources of the sound she had heard. “Did you drop something out here?” she asked Loki, “I heard this loud bang.”

“I may have come back earlier than planned, but I assure you, I’ve been quiet as a field mouse,” he replied with an impish grin that didn’t help his case at all.

Sylvie sighed, “As much as I hate agreeing with him when he’s got that look on his face, I didn’t hear anything either. But…” Sylvie pointed at her temple, “that doesn’t mean you didn’t hear it. Sometimes when intense memories return, it can seem like you’re actually experiencing them again. It shouldn’t happen too often but let me know if it does.”

Rubbing her face, X-9 nodded, “Such a random thing,” she looked down at her hand, “and I remember a feeling now. Something cold and smooth.”

“That’s fairly common,” Loki explained, tossing the pillow into a chair across the room. “A sound, a touch, a smell. Sometimes those slip out through the cracks before you get the context to go with them.”

“Well, I guess that’s a start,” X-9 smiled.

His counterpart was gone and now Mobius was looking at him — making Loki wish he could have disappeared along with him.

“Loki and Sylvie, tying the knot, how ‘bout that,” Mobius mused in the casual way he tended to begin a conversation — or an interrogation.

In this case, it felt like the latter. “Yeah,” Loki said with the short response of someone not interested in a long discussion.

Mobius chuckled to himself, letting Loki know he was still going to get a lighthearted comment at his expense. “You know, I would have figured Loki and you would’ve beat them to it.”

Not in the mood to be teased, Loki leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, “That would be highly redundant, don’t you think?”

“Hey, you’re the one who taught me that variants aren’t the same people, right?” Mobius reminded him.

Remaining tight lipped, Loki conceded with a nod and dropped his face into the encyclopedia in front of him. He began flipping through the pages as he ran his fingernails over his forehead to quell a suddenly urgent itch that the moisture from his counterpart’s kiss had left behind. He wasn’t even looking at the book, not really. He just needed to escape the unpleasant feeling coming over him and Mobius’ unyielding gaze was not helping things at all.

“What?!” he said, more loudly than intended. It drew a few looks from quiet tables surrounding them.

Mobius didn’t even flinch at the outburst, “You look a bit upset.”

Loki shifted in his chair. “What do I have to be upset about?”

“You tell me?”

Toying with the corner of a page, Loki worked his mouth a bit before responding, “It’s nothing… I’m not upset.”

Mobius ignored his answer, “You want to talk about it?”

“Do I really have a choice?” Loki sighed.

Mobius shrugged, “I mean yeah, but as long as you stay here I’m gonna ask anyway.”

Loki turned to watch as a group of archivists heading to their (now mandatory) lunch break, shuffled by their table, then turned back to his friend.

“Don’t you think Loki’s moving a bit quickly?” he said at last.

“Too quickly for them?” Mobius asked, “Or too quickly for you?”

“No, you’re right,” Loki replied with a sharp exhale, sliding his hand over the page in front of him, “Forget I said anything.”

“Alright,” Mobius sniffed and sat back to watch Loki go back to aimless flipping through the book; ending the conversation just as Loki wanted.

The adrenaline in Loki’s veins had other ideas.

“Ok, you know what my problem is?” Loki blurted out before he could think better of it, “the problem is that I…”

He paused as two competing emotions seemed to collide in his throat. Trying to swallow them both down, his irritation stayed behind for the moment; it was the less dangerous of the two. “He is going to mess this up,” Loki hissed. To punctuate his statement, he leaned over the table and gave it a definitive little slap.

Mobius spread his hands in that gesture of innocent denial Loki was so fond of using himself (which just made it all the more annoying). “Mess up what?” he asked.

Loki scoffed, “His relationship, obviously,” he said, waving his hand around as if to summon a chorus of agreement from the very air they were breathing. “If he thinks jumping into marriage is going to solve all his problems, he’s got another thing coming.”

“All of… his problems,” Mobius repeated in that mildly patronizing tone that irked Loki to no end.

“Yes. There’s an order to these things,” Loki explained, “like stepping stones across a river, jump too far and what happens?”

Much to his frustration, Mobius just stared at him blankly. Loki sighed, “Do I have to spell this out? You fall in, is what happens.”

“Ok, interesting,” Mobius nodded before breaking into pep talk mode, “listen, it’s only natural that the two of them getting married would bring up some difficult feelings for you. But you're gonna have to face that eventually, and you’re with X-9 now so—“

Growing more irritated, Loki cut him off, “Yes, I am with X-9, I’m perfectly happy with X-9. I’m not jealous of Loki, if that’s what you’re implying.”

Mobius raised his hands, “Hey, I can see that, alright? I wasn’t suggesting otherwise. But these hard feelings between you and Sylvie—“

Loki cut him off again, “There aren’t any hard feelings between Sylvie and me. It’s just better if she doesn’t have to deal with me.” He folded his arms into his body.

“Well, yeah, not with the way you're acting,” Mobius told him, “look, I know what happened when you came back and they fixed your time slipping was difficult to deal with.”

Groaning, Loki threw a hand over his face, “Gods, does everybody know about that?

“No, just me. Between Loki and you, I know far more about the sex life of Lokis than I ever wanted to. Which brings me to my next question — do you feel that Sylvie is taking Loki away from you?”

“Of course not, we’re not even… it’s not like that,” Loki ran his hand through his hair, “I’m focused on X-9.”

“So you’re afraid you and Sylvie won’t be able to stay out of each other's pants then, is that it?” Mobius asked directly.

Sarcasm dripped from Loki’s response, “Yes, fine, you got me, that’s it exactly. Guilty as charged.”

“Good, I think we’re getting somewhere,” Mobius agreed.

“What?” Loki gaped at him, “in case you didn’t notice, I was being sarcastic,” he insisted.

“No, no, that makes sense,” Mobius countered, “you and Sylvie have all these uneasy feelings keeping you apart — and if you take that away…” Mobius brought the tips of his fingers together like he was channeling E.T. (which wasn’t the most appropriate gesture for what he was getting at but Loki got the gist of it anyway.)

Squeezing his eyes shut, Loki pinched the bridge of his nose, “You’re being ridiculous, if Loki had his way he’d drag me into their bed on their wedding night.”

“Oh believe me,” Mobius exclaimed, “I am all too aware of what Loki would love to happen between you and him at the very least — because he is somehow even worse than you are at keeping things like that to himself — but I’m asking questions here, because if it’s not that, then it's something else. And either you won’t tell me, or you don’t know. So which is it?”

Loki rubbed his arm to steady himself, shaking his head, “I guess I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s a start. You know it’s ok to admit to yourself that you still love Sylvie?” Mobius suggested. “It doesn’t mean you love X-9 any less.”

Loki danced his teeth together, trying to work out some of the tension in his jaw, “Good advice, I’ll keep that in mind,” he said curtly, trying to end the analysis.

Mobius wasn’t deterred. “X-9 and Sylvie have gotten close. Not sure how much you’ve noticed that since you hide yourself away anytime Sylvie’s around.”

Loki pursed his lips, “I know that. I’m happy they are.”

“X-9 and Loki get along great, too,” Mobius added.

Loki shot him a sulky look.

“Well, they do,” Mobius said, “and Loki and you clearly love each other a lot.”

“We tolerate each other.”

“Yeah, see?” Mobius pointed an emphasizing finger at him, “just like that. So I think you need to get all these worries out of your head. Things are different now. Everyone’s had some time to figure themselves out, X-9’s doing great…”

“I’m still worried about her. It’s only been a few days,” Loki told him. His voice had taken on a slight shudder by now.

“Which is fair enough,” Mobius continued, “but X-9 was enjoying Sylvie and Loki’s company long before she decided to face her demons and I’m pretty sure Sylvie had a big part in that decision. So tell me again why you think this rift between you and Sylvie is helping X-9 in any way.”

Loki began picking at a piece of loose trim along the side of the table. He shrugged, suddenly feeling like all the confidence of adulthood had abandoned him. Even so, he was grateful it was Mobius calling out his behaviour and not Odin.

Mobius went on, “And you know who else it’s not helping? You. You can’t tell me the way you reacted to that wedding ring doesn’t have something to do with all these feelings you're bottling up.”

Loki kept his eyes on the table as he cleared away all the bullshit he’d just spouted and tried to replace it with one more half-truth. “It’s nothing, it just surprised me. I thought he would have told me about it.”

Mobius shook his head, “I think he just did?”

Not knowing what else to say, Loki rubbed his hand over his face.

“I know it’s been a stressful few days,” Mobius said.

“That is an understatement,” Loki sighed deeply.

Pleased, Mobius nodded, “Now we’re getting somewhere. I take it it wasn’t easy watching X-9 go through what she did?”

Loki started to take longer breaths, tried to expand his lungs and banish the quiver in his throat, “No, it wasn’t. Everything just happened so fast and then we were, uh…” he dragged his teeth over his lower lip, “we were kissing and… everything was great, but…” he stopped as he searched for the right words, “it’s better, but things are still, I don’t know — fragile, I guess. I just need some time to get used to the way things are now.”

Mobius nodded gently, “Fragile? Explain that to me.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Loki took in another long slow breath, he could feel his eyes growing wet. “It’s… she’s still got a lot of anger,” he evaded, trying to take attention away from the uneasy truth — he was the fragile one – X-9 seemed so confident and sure of herself now, it made him feel he was worrying needlessly, but he couldn’t stop himself from worrying either. And deep down, something about it unnerved him, like the edges of the safe little life he’d built with X-9 were beginning to fray.

“I can imagine,” Mobius said, “Ok, you're stressed and you’re worried about X-9. And that’s why it’s so hard for you to hide how upset you were by that ring… which has nothing to do with X-9, right? Or does it?”

Loki swallowed. His hand gripped at his forehead as he tried to will away the mist in his eyes and the incessant beating in his ears. “No, it doesn’t.”

Mobius gave him a few seconds to collect himself before moving on, “I’m not suggesting you do this right away, but maybe try spending some time with Sylvie. The four of you can come to bingo night with me and Casey. All you have to do is sit in the same room for an hour and paint a card with little circles. Baby steps.”

Dropping his hands loosely into his lap, Loki shook his head, “It’s not that simple.”

Mobius deadpanned, “It is actually, they have these paint dobber things that make a perfect spot every time.”

Loki gave him a withering look, “I mean with me and Sylvie.”

“Maybe not, but I’ll tell you this,” Mobius said seriously, “if anything you’ve gotten worse over time, so avoiding her clearly isn’t working for you.” He furrowed his brow at him, “Are you still mad about the Citadel?”

Loki shook his head again. The room felt too hot all of a sudden, his throat felt thick, like he couldn’t get enough air.

“I’m not angry with Sylvie,” he whispered.

Sliding two fingers under the cuff of his shirt, he felt for his pulse. Counting. Breathing.

“And the timeslipping?” Mobius asked, pushing further now. “You talked to someone about that, right?”

Loki nodded that he did. It was a lie. He’d shoved that memory as far down as it would go. Out of sight out of mind. Locked away in an enchantment enhanced box, safe from his own mind, but poisoning it all the same.

The too hot room began to spin, the walls seemed to narrow and close in on him. Mobius was waiting patiently for an answer but there were no more words to give as some of the memories he worked so hard to shut inside burst out of their hiding spot…

New York.

Again.

Often when he timeslipped from place to place it seemed there was no rhyme or reason to where he was taken.

Other times it seemed as if an unseen hand was guiding his steps, placing him exactly where he needed to be to fully appreciate what a retched bastard he’d truly been.

New York was a favourite; sometimes it was his past, or another Loki’s past. His failure or theirs (and sometimes their success.)

This time high up on Stark Tower (standing in the breeze), he watched himself proudly overseeing the Chitari army in the battle armour and sweeping horns he would shortly be relieved of when the TVA picked him up.

He sat on the ground where he’d collapsed after his body had been spun through time like so much taffy. His vengeance filled other self was too engrossed in the battle to be aware of his presence.

“There you are,” said a determined voice above him. Sylvie offered him a hand up (the hand that did not hold her prized machete). Once he was on his feet she pointed to the gold and leather clad Loki who still stood with his back to them, sceptre in hand. “Do you want to do the honours,” she asked him, holding the sword out for him to take.

Shaking he looked down at it, then back at the man he had been such a short time ago. He knew the weakness in his armour well and wasted no time, one careful stroke and her sword (and his hands) were stained with the blood of the would-be king — his own.

The vanquished Loki fell end over end to the ground below.

“I did it,” he cried, “I killed the monster. Just like you wanted. Just like I should have done before.”

“You did,” Sylvie said, pressing her lips to his, and all he wanted to do was breathe her forever.

But that was never going to be.

“Just one more to go,” she said, breaking away. She placed a hand to his chest, but he caught it by the wrist and gently moved it away. Tears flowing, Loki nodded… took one long step backwards… and fell.

Before the panic could fully set in, Loki fled. He teleported across the room, just needing to get some air, get away.

He materialized in the aisle between two of the endless rows of shelves that lined the walls of the archives, took one frantic step (in the opposite direction that he was looking) and tumbled head over heels.

He landed flat on his back, winded and studying the startled face of the person he’d tripped over. A person with grey hair and a scruffy beard with matching hair stuffed under a cap. He knew this face. This was the maintenance worker he’d once suspected of being Loki in disguise; the former minuteman with a four digit number for a name (one he didn’t remember).

But the face also triggered much more recent memory. Even though it was covered in hair and a hat hid some of his face, his eyes were familiar.

It sent a chill down Loki’s spine.

These eyes belonged to Judge Convolution — the ridiculous timekeeper-esque figurehead that had appeared on a vintage TVA screen inside the nightmare department. The one who’d endlessly tormented X-9. The one who would have a broken face right now if he had really been in that N.D. prison instead of a recording berating X-9 on that ill fated monitor.

Loki didn’t even remember getting up off the ground when Mobius called out, “Stop!” By that time he’d already risen like a wildcat startled from slumber and lifted the man off his feet by the front of his uniform. Other emotions mercifully washed away by pure hatred, he stared into eyes widened in terror, reflecting green light, glowing in menace from his own.

“Loki! I mean it! Put him down!” Mobius yelled (apparently for the second time, though he hadn’t heard the first). Grabbing Loki’s arm, he held it there, until Loki allowed him to guide the terrified man gently to the floor.

“What’s gotten into you?” Mobius said, not letting go of him.

Panting heavily, all Loki could think about was the effect the man cowering at his feet had had on X-9.

“X-9,” he said between shuddering breaths, “the Nightmare Department… he was there… he was part of it all. He was there, “ he gasped out, then leaned into the shelf behind him, it rattled with his unsteadied weight.

Mobius let go and put himself between Loki and the source of his ire as a precaution. “If you think there’s something fishy about him, I’ll have security take him in, alright? But put the safety back on that magic of yours.”

Mobius saw Loki’s jaw unclench as the green light dimmed from his eyes and decided it was safe to turn his attention to the technician on the floor behind him. “Hey! Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yeah,” the man stammered as he got to his feet, “Sorry. Uh, I think I was in the way. He tripped over me. Hurt like a son of a bitch.”

“We’ll get you checked out,” Mobius told him. “Security will need to take you in for some questioning though.”

“I have to get back to work,” the man protested, turning to leave.

Not letting him take a step, Mobius grabbed the man’s arm tightly, “It’s not optional. In case you didn’t notice there’s a very ticked off god behind me. So it would be better if you didn’t make any sudden moves, understand?”

The man nodded nervously.

Not trusting himself any longer, Loki slunk over to the closest table and laid his head down in his arms