Archive of Our Own ^beta

When it started he didn’t really know where to relate it to. There was a tiny sting. A weird cluster of feelings that set him off from time to time. First it was so subtle that he didn’t even consider to worry about it. But it grew.

One day he felt it whenever he was near San. Even worse. Whenever he had an interaction with him. A flutter in his chest. Nervousness. Feeling open, almost desperate for touch where he usually was quite reserved.

Deep down he knew very well what this was. It wasn’t the first time it happened to him after all. But he didn’t want it to be this way. So he made himself believe it was simply his body being out of balance due to all the stress. Probably. Hopefully it would wash away if he ignored it and kept himself extra distant from San.

This was kind of hard since he noticed that the brunette recently seemed to struggle with his mental health. He was very silent and laid back. He looked sad. No pouts. His cuddling attempts were getting less and less. Hongjoong was worried about him as he always felt responsible for the others. Still. He considered it the best option to leave this to someone else in this case. Someone like Seonghwa.

And it grew to a point where Hongjoong started to act distant on stage too. He avoided any additional touch or closeness that went beyond what was part of the performance. He withdrew his hands or blocked the other’s away when he reached for him even if it was just to help him out. Blindfolded as usual he wasn’t quite aware how this came across to the other side. His actual fear was getting shipped with San but now the fans were even more suspicious about what was going on. So this was a typical set up of him trying to be professional about something but completely failing to the core.

There was one day when he passed San’s room on his way to his own that he noticed something strange. It made him stop and look. For the first time in a while he looked at San observing the man quietly sorting out stuff into boxes next to his door. Not anything but his plush toys too. Somehow that stung. That didn’t sit right.

Hongjoong cleared his throat in an attempt to speak to him.

„Hey Sannie…“

Sannie lifted his head seemingly a bit surprised to see his Captain.

„Oh Hyung. What is it?“ He mumbled with a shy smile. Looking reserved and tired.

„Should be asking you.“ The blonde returned and pointed at all the boxes.

„What are you doing?“

„Uh nothing.” San lowered his head continuing to sort his stuff. “I’m clearing out my space a bit.”

Hongjoong frowned. When he spotted Shiber he immediately got a really bad feeling about this. One that was eating up his whole throat.

“Shiber too?” He asked a little startled. Drawing one brow upwards.

“Yup.” A dry response. No explanation. “Gonna donate the good things though."

That was the red flag that should have been his sign to ask San if he was ok. To sit down and talk but he couldn’t bring himself to do so yet. However seeing Shiber stuffed into that carton like a sad potato sack all dirty from San’s love over years made him feel terribly sorry.

“Can I take it?” He asked, voice a little shaky.

“What?”

“Shiber.”

For a second San stopped moving. Thinking.

“Yeah. Whatever.”

~

When Hongjoong entered his room he was met with a strange gaze that switched between his face and the dirty plushie several times.

“Why do you have that?” Seonghwa said with a questioning but also threatening tone as if he was thinking Hongjoong had stolen it to annoy San.

Hongjoong squished it tight with his embrace and took a seat on the bed next to his Hyung.

“Did you see what San was doing earlier?” He threw back instead of answering.

“Yeah.” Finally Seonghwa stopped hitting him with side eyes. Instead he started to stare at the hands he just folded above his lap.

“Pretty concerning right?”

“Shouldn’t we talk to him? He’s acting so strange lately. I’m worried.”

“Me too… That’s why I saved Shiber. I bet he’ll miss him in less than a week.”

“Why didn’t you ask him right away?”

Now the elder sounded mad.

“I thought you could… maybe…”

“Joong you’re the leader. And usually you wouldn’t hesitate… Did something happen between you two? Did you argue?”

“N-No…. No.”

The blonde didn’t know what else to say so he let out a sigh and buried his face in Shiber. Damn. It all smelled like him. This was dangerous. But now that he had it there was no one saving him from falling asleep on it and getting all delulu. Except for Seonghwa who gave him one last chance to be saved from turning lovesick.

“Urgh… This thing is so gross how can you put that in your face?!”

Hongjoong shrugged his shoulders and continued to sniff it.

“Let me wash it at least before you take it to your bed. It’s been everywhere. Like who knows where…”

“No!” The leader snapped.

“Wh-Why?! You’re so weird…” Seonghwa was clearly disgusted but now his eyes were wandering all over him again. Suspicious. “Joong what’s wrong with you two… You’re acting strange too lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb. I’ve seen you being all bitchy with San. It’s quite obvious.”

“Again… what do you mean Hyung?”

Seonghwa sighed a deep angry sigh.

“You’re always pushing him away.”

“Oh that… That has nothing to do with him. Don’t worry. And I don’t know about him either. He’s been acting weird before already. I swear it’s got nothing to do with me.” He said while looking back at the other with an innocent smile.

The older guy frowned and tightened his gaze while leaning forward. “You sure about that?” Then he stared down at Shiber who was resting in Hongjoong’s lap now again. “I still don’t get why you would cling to that thing and even not wash it.”

Hongjoong had to move his upper body backwards and almost fell onto the sheets. He showed his teeth when he got flustered by that intense way of interrogation. “Because it’s San’s favourite thing and if we wash it and it get’s damaged he’ll be upset.”

The blonde offered though it wasn’t the whole truth.

“Ahah… You care about him but treat him like shit. How paradox. I won’t let you go until you confess your cr-“ All of a sudden Seonghwa seemed hit by enlightenment when his whole expression went blank and then opened up in surprise. Oh oh. He was about to say something Hongjoong didn’t even wanna hear from himself. “YOU’RE INTO HIM?!”

“DUDE WTF NO!” He almost screamed.

“Gotcha!” Seonghwa responded with a satisfied grin now pinning the other down onto the bed but his expression softened when he noticed the silent little tears. “Hey hey what’s wrong? Just talk to him.”

“No.”

“Why.”

“It’s not good.”

“What?”

“It’s gonna be bad if this goes wrong or someone finds out…”

“True. But what about you? Aren’t you hurting?”

“I don’t know. I hate it…“

”Then at least apologise to him for your behaviour and try to find out what bugs him. If not as lover then as the leader. Show him that you care… He’s probably hurt. Maybe you’ll find out how he feels about you that way too.”

Another deep sigh but this time it came from Hongjoong who had closed his eyes trying to think. “You’re mean Hwa…” He mumbled. “But I guess you’re right… I’ll go tomorrow evening…”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I’ll remind you…”

~

When his mirror image smiled back at him like his most charming smile he scratched the back of his head and wondered for the hundredths time why he was doing this and what he should wear. Most importantly, should he just throw some clothes on or should he style himself for a date that wouldn’t be a date. He opted for the second option since he loved styling himself and if he was taking the other out why not try to win him over or at least confuse him a bit. His hair was freshly dyed in a deep dark blue tone and also cut rather short. So he made use of it and styled it back just as the Noonas had done for the latest shootings. He had loved the sexy fuckboy look they pulled off on him and wanted to recreate it. After he finished his make-up he completed his outfit with silver jewellery, jeans, a black top and and his current favourite leather jacket. Perfect. Just what he wanted to see. Tonight he’d play the confident one.

“Seems like you wanna try it.” Seonghwa laughed. “I thought you didn’t want to get too into it?”

Hongjoong shrugged. Somehow he was in a good mood today. Maybe getting the elephant out of the room had helped him.

“Alright good luck.”

“Thanks…”

And with that he was off.

~

San was quite surprised when someone knocked at their door. He and Wooyoung were actually playing cards and watching TV together right now and both of them would prefer to no get bothered. Not quite motivated Wooyoung opened. As they both saw Hongjoong all dressed up and ready they were confused. Did they forget about some appointments? What the hell was going on?

“Hey uhm…” Meeting Wooyoung here too made him hesitant. He’d hoped that he could ask him out alone. Yeah. Whatever. Confidence.

“Sannie… would you go out with me for a walk, talk and food? I’ll pay.”

They both looked at each other seemingly unwilling.

“Can’t this wait Hyung? We’re in the middle of a game.” Wooyoung pouted.

“Yeah man and why are you dressed like that? You scared us. Thought we forgot something important.” San asked, one eyebrow up not even thinking that his Hyung wanting to talk to him alone could be important too. Well unconsciously he sensed it. And it scared him so he wanted to stay in his safe place.

Hongjoong felt hurt by this straight forward rejection but he gulped it down.

“No I just like to dress up. Finish the game and come with me. I’ll wait for you outside.” He stated drily giving no opinion to back out. His gaze made clear that it was serious. And he also didn’t wait for an answer before he closed the door and placed himself on the floor underneath the next window.

Wooyoung and San stared at each other for a few seconds longer.

“What the hell was that? Did you do anything bad?” Wooyoung wondered.

“I don’t fucking know. Let’s finish the game slowly. Maybe he’ll go if it takes too long.”

He didn’t. After what felt half an hour there was another knock at the door to let them know.

“Urgh maybe I have really done something wrong thinking about how he treats me lately… I don’t know. Don’t wanna go…”

“But isn’t it better to find out and get things even?”

“Yeah…”

“Then go. I’ll wait.“

~

Hongjoong looked him up and down with a blank expression. It was obvious to him that San didn’t have any idea what he was taking him out for, wearing all casual and comfy clothes. Even a hoody. Who could blame him though.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” The leader said and got up from the floor with a swing then grabbed him by his wrist starting to walk forward. “Let’s go.”

San didn’t follow so he had to stop and face him once more. The boy seemed hesitant. A little worried too.

“Come on… I don’t bite…”

“Hyung, can we… eat first? I’m hungry.“

„Sure! What would you like?“ The leader gave him his sweetest smile to show him there was nothing to be scared about.

It seemed to confuse the other but he slightly smiled back and linked their hands together. Of course he wouldn’t miss out on the rare opportunity to get touchy with his Captain.

Hongjoong blushed though he was well aware that this didn’t mean anything. It was just holding hands. As they all did from time to time.

„What about mint chocolate ice cream?“ Well that was nothing but a straight up tease.

“Bro do you wanna get spanked?!” Joong snored and shook his head. “Also it’s dark and cold. Do you really want that?”

“Maybe after fried chicken?”

“Ok ok but just because I feel nice today. Can’t believe that I’m helping you committing this crime…”

There was the laugh Hongjoong had been waiting for paired with the dimples that showed him San was relaxing. He tightened his grip and pulled him along.

„Now let’s go…“

San was still wondering about Honjoong being dressed up and styled so nicely and fancy this late but he forgot about his thoughts the moment they got caught up with Hongjoong’s manager. A quick exchange of words and they had him drive them to the next restaurant.

~

First he let him eat in silence. They both were kind of awkward since they hadn’t been talking for a while. There was quite the tension in the private back room of the location. Luckily Hongjoong was able to convince his manager for waiting in the car, otherwise this would’ve been extra weird. He wished that they didn’t bump into him but it was what it was now.

After being halfway through his plate of food he sighed and tried to make some eye contact. San avoided it by almost crawling into his fried chicken.

„Sanie… are you ok?“

„Yeah. It’s good. But I need to hurry. Wooyoung is waiting…“

„No. I mean generally.“

„Why shouldn’t I be?“ San asked back, still not looking at the leader.

Yeah. Why shouldn’t he be. After all his off behaviour. Hongjoong wondered sarcastically. Still, he was determined to find out the underlying problem.

„You don’t smile. You don’t cuddle. And you don’t pout and sulk like the San I know.“ He explained with a soft voice and reached out for the younger’s hand. „You throw your most precious things away.” He continued and closed his fingers around the other’s. They were cold and stiff. “Naturally I am worried.”

Finally San lifted his head but he didn’t return the look and watched their hands instead while shoving another piece of chicken into his mouth.

“Don’t you miss Shiber?”

That hit home. Yes he missed it. As much as he missed being himself. So much. It hurt. It burned. But he couldn’t and he actually still didn’t want to talk about it.

„Yeah.“

„I can bring it back to you later.“ Hongjoong said with a smile gently stroking the back of the San’s hand.

„No keep it. I’m ok.“ The boy said glancing back with a forced neutral expression.

„You’re not.“

„Am I this obvious?“

„We wouldn’t be here otherwise. Now talk!“ Hongjoong’s tone was getting firm and impatient. He wouldn’t let the vocalist get away with this tonight. Seeing him hurt and insecure made his heart ache even more than his own lovesickness.

“C-Can I have a moment… Like… Can we talk outside later?” San offered because he felt sick and he didn’t wanna throw up while still eating. „With some fresh air?“

“Mh-kay…„

~

Of course he bought San his mint chocolate ice cream after they had convinced the manager to wait a bit longer. They even made him drive them to the river. It was annoying but they had to stay close in case something happened. Nobody was around this quiet place yet you never knew.

When they took place at a bench nearby San was finally ready to speak. He shooted closer to Hongjoong since it was pretty cold already and the ice cream didn’t help much with that. The leader blushed and smiled the flutters in his stomach away.

„Hyung…“

„Mh?“

„Please don’t get mad ok?“

„We’ll see…“

„Ugh you make it really hard to talk you know?!“ San grumbled and bumped his shoulder.

„I know.“ Hongjoong said with a grin and wrapped an arm around San’s waist watching him closely from aside.

„Huh… where do I start… You know. It’s… It’s quite stupid… Yunho and I had an argument… and he said that…“

Hongjoong raised an eyebrow. How on earth did he get Yunho mad?

„He said I should stop acting like a child and that I’m annoying everyone with my clingyness.“ Once it was out he felt relieved but also concerned.

„Ooof.“ Hongjoong huffed, not knowing what to answer yet. This was big. He could only imagine how much it hurt.

„We’re fine. He apologised and all but… I started to wonder if he’s right. Especially as you started to act distant with me too.“ His voice went down at the last part.

Hongjoong was flustered but in a bad way. So after all he had poured salt right into an open wound. And yes San could be exhausting and annoying from time to time but it also made him who he was. The fact that San had tried to erase everything about his personality made his stomach slip down to his knees.

“I’m sorry.” He said hugging him closer. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But is it true?”

“No. It‘s not that. You didn’t do anything.“

After a few moments of processing San shifted his head towards him. Now it was his turn. And he wouldn’t let the other get away with it either.

„What is it then?“

Hongjoong licked his lips and started to avoid eye contact in reflex. Should he tell him? No. Actually not. It would probably do more harm than any good.

„Hyung… tell me.“ The other whined. „Please. I don’t want it to be this awkward anymore.“

„It’ll get worse if I tell you. For sure.“

„Still…“

“No…”

“You want me to guess?!”

“NO! …No. Urgh fine. I’ll tell you. But I warned you ok?”

“Ok.”

The leader gulped heavily and the stroked his hair back as if it would give him any comfort. He even freed San’s hip from his arm just in case he’d need some space after hearing the truth.

“I think I have a crush on you…” He then stated as dryly as possible. “Thought it would wash away over time but it only got worse for both of us. I’m truly sorry San.”

San glanced at him as if the words didn’t reach him yet. Obviously he was listening but there was no reaction, no emotion.

And San himself didn’t quite get it at first. He was processing slowly, overwhelmed by how everything suddenly made sense. When he finally grasped the case Hongjoong was already about to get up and leave. It was late after all. And he hadn’t told the other to have a huge conversation about it. He just wanted him to know that it was not his fault. That was it. No expectations.

“So will you be back to the old San we all know?” Joong asked while grabbing his stuff.

“Uh… yeah. I’ll try. Don’t know if I can. But what about you? Will you be ok?” The younger one was confused about the sudden haste but he could imagine how uncomfortable the Captain must feel. He didn’t even know what he should feel about this himself. This was so unexpected.

“Give me a few weeks and I’ll be back to normal. Do you want your Shiber when we’re home? He’s all sad and misses you.”

„Are you trying to distract me from the topic?“

„Maybe.“ Hongjoong said and gave him a tiny flirty wink and instantly regretted it because he didn’t want to make San uncomfortable. „Let’s go. I’m tired and Wooyoung is waiting for you.“

„Hyuuuung… stop running.“

„I’m not running. Now come.“

„Of course you are. Look at you rushing everything like a nervous schoolboy.“

Hongjoong was offended but he laughed it off and headed over to the car without wasting any more words. There was no need.

They didn’t talk the whole way back. San didn’t even move, frozen while wrestling with all the thoughts. Hongjoong couldn’t blame him. This was a lot to take in. What made him anxious himself was the fear of risking the harmony of the group.

Back at their dorm it was slightly awkward. When San noticed how clingy Hongjoong was with Shiber he insisted that he’d keep it for a little longer. Maybe it would soften the heartache his leader must feel. Or maybe not.

„Hyung…“ San obviously wanted to say something more but was hesitant. He could see it in the way he was looking at his feet and then upwards having a sheepish but shy smile on his face that slightly showed his teeth.

„What else?“ Hongjoong asked slightly annoyed because he was really getting tired. Especially of social interaction late at night.

„C-can I kiss you?“

Hongjoong almost got a shock and then panicked. „NO!“

„Not even on your cheeks?“ Now the younger one was shifting into pouting. His eyes begging. How cute. How nerve wrecking.

„San-ah just because I like you it doesn’t mean you can walk all over me. Also why?!“ Joong sighed, heart racing.

„Uhm. I think I wanna see what it does. How it feels.“

„San. I don’t want to do this without real feelings. I’m not like that.“

„Oh. So that’s why you’re so cagey about skin ship?“

„Yeah. Kind of. It’s painful to hug or kiss your crush knowing that it’s not the same for them, you know? Now leave. Wooyoung‘s waiting.“ His last words were close to ice cold. He really wanted to be left alone and it showed that the other understood as he moved backwards slightly. His expression was a little tense.

“B-But- I-“

“Go.”

„Ok night Hyung.“ He mumbled.

„Night.“ with that he shut the door and exhaled heavily right after. Oof. Oof, oof, oof.

He felt sick and close to slip down onto his knees at the same time. When he managed to turn around he was faced with Seonghwa‘s eyes. Wide open. Almost offended.

„DID YOU JUST TURN HIM DOWN ON A KISS?!“

„Yeah. And?“

„Are you- That was YOUR CHANCE to convince him of you!“

„Really? I don’t think so. Anyways. It’s better this way. You know that, Hwa.“

„JOONG!“

It was kind of funny how Seonghwa was wildly gesticulating with his hands. Hongjoong had never seen him this furious before. „It’s fine Hwa… I’m fine.“ He mumbled with a deep smile nudging his nose into Shiber.

„No you’re not. You’re blushing like stupid… Look at you! You didn’t even let go of that dirty plush thing…“

„I’m ok. OK?“

Seonghwa let out a deep frustrated sigh and shook his head. Sometimes it was just hopeless with the leader.

„Anyways could you find out what bugged him?“

„Yeah. He and Yunho had a fight. It’s fine I guess. He’ll be back to normal soon.“

~

Meanwhile Wooyoung was wondering what took them so long to come back. Since San didn’t even tell Wooyoung about his fight with Yunho his case with Hongjoong had to be the matter.

„We’ll… it was some sort of a weird date?“

„Date?“

„I guess Hongjoong likes me?“

„Wait wait wait. WHAT?“

„Yeah. He said he’s got a crush on me. But he didn’t want my kisses…“ On the last part he started to get sulky and drew a grimace.

Wooyoung was still processing. „Just for the record… Our leader is into you and you tried to kiss him?!“

„Yeah but again, he didn’t want kisses.“ San pouted and grabbed the next pillow for cuddles. There there. He was hurt. „He meant he doesn’t want platonic affection.“

Wooyoung gave him a strange but curious look.

„Is it platonic though?“

„I don’t know.“

„But you’re hurt.“

„Yeah. I want his kisses and cuddles.“

The younger left it at that and had his own thoughts about it. This was a thing San had to unwrap on his own. „What did you tell him?“

„Nothing. He slammed the door shut anyways.“

„Huh…“

„?“

„Then it might be not just a crush. He’s in love. Oh oh Sanie… what did you do to our poor leader…“ Wooyoung teased.

„Not funny. Don’t want him to be hurt…“ San sniffled into his pillow really missing Shiber right now.

„He’ll be fine. He’s strong. You wanna cuddle with me instead? I’ll give you kisses too.“ The younger mused and snuggled up to him stroking his back for comfort.

„Sleepover?“

„Yess!“

~

From then it got difficult for San. Not only that he couldn’t take his eyes off of Hongjoong but he was also more nervous around him then ever. It was as if their last meet-up had hooked him. Soon enough he realised these flutters in his chest and the wild fantasies he got at night out of the blue. First he was just playing around with these imaginations of any intimate and non-intimate interactions with Hongjoong. He thought it might help him to find out weather he was into him too or not. And damn he was. He was so drawn into this whole thing but he felt also bad about it because he wasn’t sure if this were true feelings. Nevertheless it got to a point where Yunho as his current roommate was asking why he was blocking the bathroom every single evening and if he was ok. Lastly Wooyoung had to tell him and at that point probably everyone in the group found out what was going on.

It got exhausting for him to be around the leader which only resulted in him unconsciously teasing the other. Sometimes also consciously when he noticed that it flustered him.

Hongjoong tried to handle his feelings as professional as possible. That got worse and worse since San made it really hard. The way he was extra caring and soft towards him. The way he got nervous when their eyes met during stages or practice but then made up his mind and tried to play as sexy and cool as usual. The way his movements slowly got more provocative and directed towards him. The way his smile seemed to get wider each time he fake slapped him during the Wonderland performance. And oh boy if Hongjoong knew what an intense shiver was hitting the other man right there and then. Luckily he didn’t but he could feel the tension. Still, he was torn apart on the high chance that this was all up in his head.

~

There was this one night where he was extra frustrated. No matter how much he was trying to brush it off, all these nasty pictures of him and San wouldn’t wash away from his mind. It probably didn’t help that he started to roam around in the internet reading some lewd fanfics about him and San of which he didn’t knew if he should appreciate them or not. He was restless. Shifting around. Lastly he found himself burying his nose into Shiber inhaling San’s scent while jerking off under the blanket.

Damn it. Not enough.

“Urgh Joong stop rustling the sheets I’m going crazy.” It suddenly grumbled from the other bed. Seonghwa got disturbed from all the noise and was now very unhappy.

“Sorry Hwa…” He mumbled and stopped touching himself.

Seonghwa… Maybe he could help. They’ve already been experimenting around with each other a some years ago so this could work out. If he agreed.

“Hwa?”

A few seconds of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Can you finger me while I sniff Shiber?”

“THE FUCK WHAT?!”

“I’m too horny. Can’t sleep. Wanna cum. Want San.”

“Then go to the bathroom. Or go get him.”

“Hwa please…”

“Why don’t you just ask San instead of using me as a replacement? Also what is wrong with you? Sniffing that dirty plush thing while I fuck you. You know that sounds like disgustingly kinky shit don’t you?”

Seonghwa being mean kind of turned him on even more. He was such a mess. And he knew what he was getting himself into right now. Seonghwa could be wild. Especially when disturbed at night.

“It still smells like him… And it’s casual with you. I know we won’t catch feelings. So no risk… Please I need it so bad…”

“Oh my god you’re so annoying…”

Hongjoong could hear the sheets rustling and some naked feet tapping over the ground.

“Fine. Only this one time. I’ll have it my way and I‘ll get off on you too. No complaints…”

“O-Ok.”

“Move. I want your ass up, easy and accessible. I’m tired.” Seonghwa commanded impatiently while switching the light stand on. “Oh and turn you face towards the mirror. I want you to see yourself sniffing that dirty plush toy and realise what shameful shit you’ve just asked me for.”

Oh fuck. The older guy’s madness had Hongjoong throbbing in anticipation. Something told him that he’d just awoken a demon.

“And you’ll keep sniffing and watching until I’m done with you. No matter how much you regret it. Understood?”

“Y-yess.” The Captain’s thighs were shivering a little when the cold air touched his asshole as his buttocks got spread apart and kneaded as soon as he got on his hands and knees. His mirror image already looked pretty distressed and flushed from all the recent sleepless nights so it only could get worse. When he saw Seonghwa above him, expressions annoyed as hell his stomach twisted. Another time as he felt one of these fingers pressing into his rim without any warning. It hurt and still he had to gulp down a moan.

“Hwaaa~” He whined. “The luuube.”

That earned him a forceful slap tight down the middle. “I said no complaints!” The elder snapped but still reached for the top drawer of Hongjoong’s nightstand to get that tiny bottle. It was way too late at night. He’d just forgotten about it.

“Look at you. Telling San you’re all about intimacy with feelings yet you’ve asked me to be fucked platonically. What would he say if he knew what kind of a liar you are huh?“

Hongjoong got pierced by two more fingers while Seonghwa ranted at him and it was hot. So hot. He felt like he deserved it and he couldn’t hold back his moans any longer, his dick twitching and his hands clenching around Shiber.

“Imagine he likes you too! Don’t you feel disgusting? How heartbroken would he be if he knew this, huh? Think about him! Think about how you treated him badly, how you told him you like him and how you refused his affection afterwards! How you’re asking for me instead! You pretty pretty little liar.”

A fourth finger entered him roughy spreading him out even wider drawing little whines from his lips. His whole face was flushed and sweaty and covered in tears when he glanced at the mirror while Seonghwa was looking like a fucking menace.

“SNIFF IT ALREADY! You begged for this. I’m going to fuck some sanity into your brain in the meantime.” Seonghwa grunted, shoving him down into the plushie with one hand harshly tugging at his deep blue hair.

And damn. Joong wanted to feel bad but he couldn’t. As soon as his face hit the soft fabric and he could smell San he almost started hallucinating. It felt like it was him being mad and punishing him for being such a slut.

“Sannie…” He wimpered between muffled moans. “Sannie I love you so much…”

“Well at least you’re honest with yourself.” Seonghwa found this scene oddly satisfying and hot. Who had thought that but he was already rock hard himself. He really had to hold back to not split the other open with his own dick and take him a way from his precious Sannie. But he would not. That was not what he was asked for.

“My Sannie… I’m so sorry…”

“Your Sannie? You rejected him. Probably better. Do you think he’d still want you knowing about your little kinks? Look at you. How you’re getting off on sniffing his ugly stuff toy not even touching yourself. Who knows what else you’re capable of? How embarrassing. All worked up over that plushie in your arms.” He tugged at the others hair to make clear that he really expected him to look.

He did and he was so embarrassed that he could feel himself getting close from it. It was hot and frightening at the same time. How he was pretty and weak and sweaty and oh so taken out by his roommate.

“Nnh Sannie… I’m sorry…” The Captain continued his crying and moaning though it got more intense as Seonghwa started rubbing his sweet spot more firmly.

“Does that mean you wanna make him happy? You wanna stop being stubborn and give him a chance? If so I’ll spare your ass. If not I’m going to take you away and fill you up with all my cum. Your choice…”

That sounded threatening and it jolted through Hongjoong’s veins as he could sense that the elder really meant it. But Seonghwa asked for the impossible. How could the Captain let all his fears of loosing Ateez down and give San a chance when he didn’t even knew if the other liked him too. Probably not since he didn’t say anything when Hongjoong told him about his crush. But no answer left room for hope. Hope meant he’d rather keep his hole for his love.

“Yes Sannie… I’ll- I- Let’s try. Please I love you so much!” He sniffled into the pillow still high from the scent.

“Good.” Somehow Seonghwa was disappointed and proud at the same time. So his own dick wouldn’t get a hole tonight. What a waste.

It only took him a few strokes on Hongjoong’s dick to have him come all over the place and he made sure that it stained Shiber too. Maybe the Captain would finally agree to wash it then.

After that he didn’t waste any time and tugged down his own pants. His dick was throbbing painfully and he couldn’t wait to get his own release. Hongjoong was still panting for air when he started to rub his tip against that over sensitive empty hole that was trying to suck him in. When he had enough of this sight he pressed Hongjoong down with his full weight spreading his legs far apart with his own, even stretching out his arms to the front while humping his cleavage in the pace of his own pleasure, not going in as promised of course.

It was still enough to make Hongjoong tremble and cry from overstimulation. His dick being pressed in the dirty sheets didn’t help either and over all he was drooling.

“Ahh- please please it’s too much hnhhg please I can’t please.”

And Seonghwa loved it. That was exactly what he needed to go close to the edge too.

“I said no complaints until I’m done.” He muffled into Hongjoong’s shoulder leaving bite marks there. He’d leave so many that the Captain would have trouble to forget his sins. “Look how you even got your spit onto San’s plush thing. Disgusting. If you don’t wash it after tomorrow I’ll ban you from this room. Will you?”

“Hnnnh please. I can’t. Finish. Please…”

“Will you wash it?” He grinded harsher making Hongjoong whimper helplessly.

“Yess…” He panted out.

“Perfect. Now say my name.”

Muffled whimpers.

“Look at us and say my name.” The elder demanded one more time dragging his his face upwards at his scalp cause the captain wasn’t able to hold it up himself anymore.

“Hwa- Hyung please… finish…” The Blue haired exhaled weakly.

“So rude… filthy thing… my full name please.” Seonghwa grunted impatiently and left another bite on his tender neck that was covered in goosebumps.

More whimpers. They sounded angry and he was.

“Come on. You owe me at least that.”

“Seonghwa Hyung, please…” Finally he gave in.

“Perfect. Thank you.” Seonghwa responded letting out a few deep moans while dragging his dick a few last times over his ass before he got up to jerk off. Enjoying himself he let it drip all over there so that is was running down the middle over Hongjoong’s balls onto the sheets. There was a mess already so he didn’t care. It wasn’t his bed either. After all he couldn’t resist on pushing a bit of his cum inside that beautiful hole with his fingers. He felt slightly empowered.

“Thank you Hyung…” Hongjoong mumbled after another few squeaks at the fingers in his entrance.

“You’re so weird.” The elder’s voice was softening now. “And it’s crazy how much you trust me.”

“You’re… just thank you. Truly.”

“You should talk with him… Joong-ah. It can’t go on like this. I can’t do this for you again. It’s not healthy. You’re so lost…” By now Seonghwa was calming down getting into a more caring headspace. It always took him a while just as with his stage presence but he was getting there now stroking the smaller man’s sweaty hair back.

“I can’t…” Hongjoong was finally too sleepy to do anything.

“It’s ok. Sleep. I’ll clean you up. But seriously talk to him again. If he wants kisses there must be something. “

„Hmmh kay…“

~

For a few days Hongjoong was healed but it eventually hit back to him and it hit him twice as hard. One afternoon, when he couldn’t bare with all the smirks and delicious hip-thrusts anymore he decided to have an interrogation with San. This needed to be taken care of. Immediately. Or he was about to burst from anger and frustration. Especially since Seonghwa refused to help him out another time. Who was San actually?! What did he think, playing with his feelings like that?!

„Hey San!“ He shouted at him across the room shortly before they were about to end their break between dance practices.

„Hmh?“ San was seemingly confused but he slurped over.

„Come to my room later.“ He said angrily. Not even trying to hide that he was emotional.

„O-okee. Did I do something wrong?“

„Obviously. Now focus.“ He snapped and then moved on to his own position. He was staring at the mirror heavily trying to concentrate on himself. Otherwise he’d have noticed the six pairs of eyes immediately being glued onto them. Seonghwa even elbowed Yunho who then elbowed Wooyoung. The three of them were highly anticipating the shit that was about to go down. Everyone in this room actually, since they’d observed them dancing around each other for quite the wile now. Mingi couldn’t suppress some giggles and got shushed harshly by the Captain. It felt as if the room was on fire. And it was. Afterwards Hongjoong was even more mad because no one was able to concentrate properly and that affected their performance.

With his room Hongjoong meant his studio. The one place where they could talk without being interrupted. San wasn’t happy about it, thinking of how unpleasant the leader’s scoldings were. No one wanted to be called to this room and he wasn’t sure what he had done to anger him this much. He didn’t think that a little bit of teasing would be enough to get him this mad but it certainly did.

~

„Can you please stop with that shit?!“ Hongjoong greeted him with an ice cold tone and a sharp gaze. His arms were crossed and he leaned against the wall next to his recording desk. When San entered and closed the door behind him he took a step forward.

There was not much space in there so they came to rest only a few inch apart from each other. Hongjoong’s mind almost softened when he could smell the other’s perfume. He could tell that San had showered before showing up here.

„What do you mean?“ San said as if he didn’t knew what’s going on at all, voice slightly pouty. Same as this cute mouth. Slightly smiling. The natural way. His eyes were looking back calmly. A little widened though. The only sign of worry on the other side. They got this lovely shimmer to them. Hongjoong almost freaked out in anger and adoration and wanted to scream it all out. But he bit it down. It was all he could do but he was not able to stop his face from getting hot.

„That! Everything!“ He snapped and made a wide gesture towards San.

San sunk his teeth into his lower lip as if he was holding back on something. Maybe laughter. His brows went up. Both. Yeah. Hongjoong would laugh about himself too. Must feel very empowering to be on the other side. Seeing the Captain enraged and helpless.

„You’re teasing me right?“

The other shook his head.

„DON‘T lie to me!“

Eyes twitching. „Yeah maybe I did a few times… your reactions were so… I’m s-sorry Hyung… so sorry.“ He mumbled. And he meant it. He really felt bad about it but he couldn’t help it, his feelings whenever they met like this.

„Please.“ Hongjoong started again and looked away. „I can’t stand this. It hurts.“ He sounded empty during the last words. „I give my everything to keep it professional. And you screw it up…”

„I’m so sorry. I- what if…“

Suddenly the Captain could feel his arms getting pulled apart and a face resting against his neck. Hongjoong could tell from the breath that tingled his collarbones and hot cheeks getting squished between them. Soon after there was a whole muscular front against his and its weight was pushing backwards.

„San N-no.“ He freaked out a little and tried to free himself but he was too weak. It only resulted in him getting hugged tightly. „SAN I’m warning you. Don’t make things worse!“ Hongjoong wanted to continue to be mad but he was so freaking weak for this feeling his body melted into the embrace almost on it’s own. And he gave in and wrapped his arms around that beautifully slim waist. „San…“ He muffled against his firm shoulder. Completely shook.

San squeezed him tightly. „After you rejected my kisses I couldn’t stop thinking about you… what if I liked you too?“ The younger murmured and pushed his nose against his looking him dead in the eyes now. The Captain froze. What if? Well that was scary. Things would get complicated.

„I don’t believe you.“

„I’ll steal my kisses now and you’ll see. I’m skilled~“ San mused already brushing against the surface of Hongjoong’s lips giving him a breeze of tiny shivers.

The man had difficulties to think properly from the sudden wave of anxious excitement and slight arousal. He tried to escape one last time and noticed that he was trapped against his own wall. “San… Please…”

“You like my name that much Hyung?” The younger mumbled teasingly making the captain’s heart race a little faster.

“W-what?!” Oh he hated so much how shaky his voice had become. “No- I mean yeah but…”

“It’s ok. It’s kinda nice hearing you beg…” The brunette huffed with sudden confidence smiling happily. “I wanna hear it more loudly though.”

“You- This is not funny… I’ve told you I don’t want a broken heart…”

“You think I do?…”

“Not sure… to be honest…”

“Oh come on already you’re so unromantic…” San drew a pouty grimace which resulted in their lips touching a little more ever so softly.

The younger’s eyes were sparkling so cutely yet he was so handsome, Hongjoong wasn’t able to bring up any resistance. He was ashamed that all his confidence had washed away when San had entered the room But he couldn’t help it. The fear of getting hurt trapped him more than San’s arms or the wall behind him. So he just blinked at him trying to relax cause the other didn’t seem to have any plans of letting go. But he wasn’t moving further either as if he was waiting for permission.

At some point Hongjoong wished that San would just kiss him and give a fuck about consent but he knew it was better this way. It was telling for the other. He had overstepped enough boundaries already so now it was on him to decide if they were following through or not cause he was the one to refuse until now though he also was the one who had a crush in the first place. And it was so hard, not mentioning the awkwardness on top.

Actually he wanted it so badly, he didn’t know how to continue like this. His heart was pounding so fast and harsh, San must feel it against his own chest. And still his fear of all the consequences if they were getting into each other was so painful it took his breath away. He worked so hard for ATEEZ. Never ever was he going to risk the group falling apart. For nothing. Not even for a glimpse of love.

“Sannie?…“ He finally manages to speak though it was rough and silent.

„Mmh?”

„Just don’t do anything you’ll regret ok?“

He waited. This was the closest to permission he could bring across and it was rather another last chance of a choice. Damn he felt so stupid.

Their lips were touching again while the hug got closer but more comforting. The kiss was soft and lovely. Nothing too overwhelming. Just testing the waters.

Hongjoong found himself finally leaning against the wall taking one hand up to San’s back pulling him a little closer. His crush had this prescience that somehow helped him to calm down.

It was over after a few seconds and it was San who pulled away to look at him with a subtle smile.

“How could I regret you…”

“Eww please don’t talk like that…”

“Hmpff… so unromantic.”

Hongjoong laughed. The anxiety was crawling back now that he was able to think about the next questions that were necessary to ask. Were they a thing now after this? And could they make it work?

“Can I have one more?” He asked instead. “Like. A real one?”

“Wasn’t that real enough?”

“You wanted to show me skills but that was just touching the surface.” He teased with a grin.

„You sure you’re ready for this?“ San teased back hoping to light up the mood. He could feel Hongjoong’s pulse slowing down little by little.

„You insisted on kisses. Now give them. Don’t let me down after just a tiny bite.“

„It would be fair though.“ San grinned. „Revenge for confessing love and then rejecting me.”

“I didn’t talk about love yet… “

“Oh but I can see that you’re head over heels.”

“Urgh… why is it you… after all.” Hongjoong sighed. “You’re such a tease. I thought Wooyoung was bad. How am I gonna survive this…”

“Wooyoung is my teacher pff… But see? You’re not so tense anymore.”

Hongjoong felt his face getting hot.

“You could see it?”

“Feel.” He responded and rubbed over the captain’s chest, right where the heart was sitting before he placed a kiss on the bridge of other’s nose. He considered it more teasing.

Hongjoong sighed again. “How embarrassing. And I was wondering whether you could feel it. Sorry for being such a bad Captain. I hoped I could at least show you confidence if I ever catch your interest but I got scared instead…”

“It’s ok. I know you’re worried about ATEEZ and this not working out.”

“How?”

“It makes sense. I’m worried too… But… ignoring this seems not to be working.”

“You didn’t even try.”

“Yeah… not really. You’re so beautiful and charming you know?…”

“Urgh too much San… Too much…”

San was pouting at him with a sheepish glimmer in his eyes that hinted on how much fun he had showering him with these comments. Angry flustered Hongjoong was just so cute and now his heart seemed distracted enough that it was almost back to normal. Only a few jumps that revealed his inner happiness and excitement. Time to kiss him again.

It started where it had ended. Soft and loving. Their lips melting into each other filling the room with tiny noises. When they slightly parted for him San took the hint and slid in. Once he was worked up Hongjoong didn’t hold back either which quickly ended up in muffled pants from both sides and them pushing into each other. They took it slow and lewd though. Somehow San’s hands found their way to Hongjoong’s ass drawing him closer against his crotch with a firm grip while the other man had him by the collar of his shirt.

“You can still show me your confidence on a proper date...” San managed to say between all the messy kisses.

“Uh-huh… So we’re a thing now?”

“Yeah. You’re mine.”

It was when Hongjoong unconsciously tugged San’s shirt out of his pants to reach for the naked skin below when they got startled by someone clearing their throat.

They immediately stopped and froze, first looking at each other but slowly turning their heads towards the door when they realised the sound wasn’t coming from them.

Shit. Their manager. Right there. Looking very disturbed and flustered.

The shock was deep.

“Oh fuck. MAN, can’t you knock!?” The leader snapped angrily now fighting with his heart racing underneath his chin again.

“I did. Three times. We’re late on schedules, so hurry up!”

“How much did you see?”

“Too much. We can talk about consequences later… Now come.” The manager responded drily. His expression was harsh yet he couldn’t hide the flush on his cheeks and ears.

FUCK. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Hongjoong could see their career crashing before his eyes. He felt like crying immediately. So in the end he had been scared for a reason.

With shaky knees he managed to part from the wall and slip out of San’s embrace heading towards the door. The younger male followed silently.

~

“I’m sorry….” San mumbled into his ear when they were sitting in the van.

“Don’t. There is no going back.” He mumbled. “We need to shut him up though. If he tells the company we’re screwed.”

“Shutting up who?” Mingi asked curiously from behind.

“Shh!” San tried to shush him cause obviously the driver was the person in question. Instead he pointed at his phone to sign that he should at least use text messages.

The first message that popped up was from Yeosang.

YS: “Problems with the manager huh?”  

S: “Yeah. How’d you know?”

Hongjoong elbowed him. “San… It’s non of their business…” He whispered but all their ears were good enough.

YS: „Not wanting to speak in front of him?“

MG: „So did you guys finally kiss?“

HJ: „WHAT?!“

WY: „🤣🤣🤣. I bet. He feels called out!“

HJ: „Rude. Wanna come to my room later?!“

SH: „You’re too easy to provoke, Captain. 🌝 “

WY: „No thanks, don’t wanna bump into you two making out. 🌚 “

HJ: „EXCUSE ME?! WTF!“

Dolphin laughter from the back seat of the van.

MG: „Pff I believe the manager caught them. Cause why else were they taking so long. And remember how disturbed he looked when he brought them out?”

Hongjoong was shifting in his seat uncomfortably. San grabbed his hand and squeezed it. He wanted to withdraw first but then decided against it.

YH: “We know it guys. You don’t need to hide it…“

S: “?”

YH: “You two were so obvious that it was painfully cringe to watch.”

JH: “Yeah like in a real bad K-Drama.”

S: “ 🙈 .”

HJ: “You’re not helping San.”

SH: “Are We right about the manager then?”

S: “Yeah. 😅 And he even seemed to be turned on.”

JH: “Who? Our Captain or the manager?”

S: “The manager. I think voyeurism is not ours right Hongjoong?”

HJ: “…”

WY: “Oh damn he didn’t answer.”

MG: “I wonder what the manager’s eyes had to witness.”

WY: “Maybe they’ll let you watch them next time if you ask nicely. 🌚🌝 ”

HJ: “WOOYOUNG IT’S ENOUGH!”

More giggles.

SH: “Stop bothering them. Anyways what can we do about the manager?”

YS: “Idk. Accusing him for harassment so the company sets us up with a new one?

YH: “Nah. Then he’ll definitely tell them and we have statement against statement.”  

MG: “probably bribing him.”

WY: “Getting rid of him and his body?”

SH: “Only serious offers please…”

WY: “Then make one.”

They vented on like this for quite a while but couldn’t find any good solutions. Their only hope was that the manager didn’t have any proof so that they could just deny what he had seen towards the company and accuse him of character assassination.

Hongjoong and San had gotten silent. Both were anxious but also still lingering in the thoughts of their earlier kiss.

„Everyone out besides San and Hongjoong.“ The manager said in a tone that told them he was really stressed out right now. No one was interested in trouble so they just followed the orders. Wooyoung was turning around a few times to make sure they were ok though.

Once the door of the van was shut the manager didn’t waste any seconds. He didn’t even ask for any explanations.

“That scene from earlier remains between us ok? I can’t loose my job over a scandal. My daughter is very sick and treatment is expensive. So please make sure no one catches you and learn to lock a door… I almost got a heart attack because of you.“

Both, exhaled deeply immediately. The relief was immediate.

„You’re extremely lucky. Don’t try and stretch it too far. Am I clear?“

„Yes, sir!“

„Good, now go.“

„S-sorry about your daughter I didn’t-" San tried.

„OUT! You’re still running late.“

They ran.

~

HJ: „He San… can’t sleep…“

S: „Same. What’s the matter?“

HJ: „Idk. Kinda horny. Seen too many of your new pics…“

S: „Want a special one on top?“

HJ: „Not sure? 🤨“

S: *Sends a selfie laying half naked on his top bunk and you can clearly see there is a boner tugged in the waistband of his boxers.*

Hongjoong gasps. His own boner twitching in his pants. How mean.

HJ: „Damn. Wanna kill me tonight? I need to sleep.“

S: „Wanna come over? Yunho sleeps like a stone and our bathroom is bigger.“

HJ: „Are we that close already?“

S: „You can suck me off as a starting point what about that?“

HJ: „We’re performing tomorrow. We should rest.“

S: *Sends another one but the tip is showing.*

Hongjoong loosing it almost saying FUCK out loud risking to wake up Seonghwa.

HJ: „SCREW IT I’m coming over...“

Boy was he quick to leave his bed to throw on shirt and shorts so that he wouldn’t have to wander through the floor almost naked. He was moving hastily while grabbing some things they could need yet tried to cause as little sound as possible. Still, Seonghwa was a light sleeper and woke up when Hongjoong was ravaging through his roommate’s nightstand cause his own condoms were empty.

“Ah sorry sorry! I didn’t mean to-“ Backing up a little the Captain tried to excuse himself when he noticed the older guy staring at him over the edge of the bed like a dragon that got disturbed in his precious rest.

“Where you goin…” The dragon mumbled sleepily seemingly unhappy to be awake.

“San.”

“Oh. Hmm…” The dragon was thinking for a moment, blinking a few times as if it was struggling to keep them open. Then it rubbed the back of its nose. “Take care then… Top drawer… back right corner…” It rolled over and vanished under its blanket all curled up and quickly falling back into cozy dreams.

Smiling over this cute scene Hongjoong fished for the condoms at said place and went on his way merrily. He even took a few extras in case San’s were empty too though he wasn’t sure if they’d need them. Better safe than sorry.

~

San hadn’t made an effort to put some clothes on. Cause why should he if they’d get rid of them again soon?

Yunho wasn’t even blinking an eye in the background when he opened the door nor did he wake up when they sneaked past his bottom bunk bed to slip into the bathroom. This time Hongjoong made sure it was locked three times.

And he kept staring at the younger male. It wasn’t that he never had seen him in boxers before. No it was his overall appearance that had started to change again since he last saw him naked months ago. He was slowly getting more handsome and defined. The slender boy was developing and it was beautiful. Hongjoong couldn’t wait to see the result. He got taller than him too. Crazy.

Sooner or later Atiny would freak out about him and he’d steal all their hearts away from the other Ateez members more than ever. The Captain always knew there was a lot of potential.

San seemed flustered. His movements were shy while he was blushing to the tip of his ears. It was continuously hard for him to look up from his feet too, Hongjoong noticed. So innocent. Oh. Wait. Maybe he was.

“You ok Sannie?” He asked with a smile when they finally stood in front of each other awkwardly.

“Yes yes.”

“You sure?”

“Hmmh.”

Hongjoong gave San a questioning look when the boy still wasn’t able to look him in the eye and continuously bit his bottom lip instead. Nervousness, Joong could tell. Adorable but a reason to talk.

“Could it be that you played the cool one again though you’re actually inexperienced?” The Captain asked directly and stroked the other’s lower lip with his thumb to stop him from ruining it with his teeth. “Be honest please, ok?”

“I… it’s my first time doing more than kissing with some else…” He still didn’t look up. “And I didn’t believe I could really get you to come over.”

“With these pictures for sure.” Hongjoong laughed. “Not even with Wooyoung?”

He shook his head.

“Do you want me to go?”

“NO! I’m just overwhelmed. Please don’t… Help me out. Show me how.”

“OK babe.” He stroke his hair back and gave him a soft kiss. So this was the time to shine with his confidence again.

San blushed more at the pet name but damn he was a real good kisser. If he hadn’t been that shy now Hongjoong wouldn’t have been able to guess he was still untouched. He wondered who had taught him.

“You really liked them?…” The younger asked cutely, now finally blinking at him they rested their foreheads together.

Damn he was so hot and sweet at the same time. “Are you insane? Of course. You handsome and hot as fuck.”

San smiled as happy as a child.

Praise kink. No surprise there. Noted.

“Who taught you?”

“You mean sex?” He leaned in a little brushing their lower parts together where their bulges were touching.

A nod.

“Uh. Seonghwa. We taught each other.”

“So he’s the culprit who covered your neck in hickeys…” San grumbled, jealousy sparkling from his tone, making a pouty face, grabbing his hips slightly possessively.

“Oh that… uh.” Hongjoong blushed when he remembered that one horribly kinky scene with Shiber and hoped San wouldn’t question any further. Seonghwa you fucker…

A few seconds of silence.

“You rejected me but fucked him…”

Please Joong don’t say anything stupid now. “It was… Him and I aren’t doing this anymore since years actually. It’s just that I was going crazy because of you at that time. I was so freaking horny that night I couldn’t help myself and asked him. Cause I was too much of a coward to ask you.”

San tilted his head, eyes sharpening, clearly offended. “I hope you know you sound extra stupid especially after you told me you don’t want things like this without feelings.”

Hongjoong nodded. “With you. Cause I love you too much I couldn’t stand it if you just used me. With him it was always was casual. We never had feelings for each other. Oh but he was so mad at me for asking this, he kind of fucked me into talking to you…”

“He fucked you though he knew you’re thinking bout me?!”

Hongjoong lowered his head. “Yeah. It was the point of the fuck. “ He admitted in shame.

“You’re still fucking?”

“No. I’m not like that. All yours now.”

“It better be like that.” San grunted and gripped him tighter. “You’re mine. Can you imagine how much I panicked when I saw the hickeys?”

Hongjoong’s lower parts were boiling at that jealousy and possessiveness. He loved it.

“S-sorry.” The Captain said though there wasn’t anything to be sorry about cause they weren’t dating at that time.

Another few seconds of silence.

“Are you mad?”

“More hurt and jealous but honestly… I don’t know if I should find it hot or concerning what you’ve just told me.” San blurted out, voice shifting back to cute and pouty, head all red like a tomato.

More silence. Hongjoong felt there were another bunch of thoughts lingering.

“I wonder how he did it to you though... I wish I had seen it.”

How on earth could San be so innocent but say kinky shit like that as if it was nothing at the same time.

“Well that is a story for another time.” He offered to slip out of the topic.

“You two can show me to make up for it.” San said with a smirk pushing his chest up against the other.

Hongjoong almost choked on his spit and had to cough really hard whilst his groin was on fire. Where did all the shyness go?

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

“Yeah.”

Well he didn’t expect that.

“Let’s have sex a few times first before talking about stuff like that ok? Do you even know what you’re asking for?” He actually didn’t want to think about the meaning of San’s words himself cause deep inside him it turned him on way too much. Even the fact that he’d have to be honest about Shiber then.

“Uh yeah. Kind of wanna watch him doing it to you and then I wanna cum all over his work.”

So he wanted to assert dominance over Seonghwa in a way… Hongjoong could only guess, not sure if San grasped this himself yet.

“San… you’re an interesting one…” The Captain mumbled frowning while pinching his nose. He was feeling overwhelmingly hot with the dirty conversation.

“Why.”

“You’re a virgin but already talking like this… I would lie if I said I didn’t like it but… Let’s see if you’re even capable to top someone like me. Cause Seonghwa is… He’s wild.”

“Oh now I want to see it even more. I’m curious.”

In his mind Hongjoong was loosing it. How the hell was he gonna survive this relationship.

“You little… Urgh. I love you.”

“I love you too Captain.”

“So you ready?”

San hummed and drew him into a kiss. Their bodies were flush against each other by now, heat building up. Hongjoong leaned him against the wall slowly moving his hips into him a few times, both panting at the friction, before making up his mind.

“Lemme ask some questions first ok?” He mumbled against the others lips, then leaning back to have a better view on San who was looking shy again. Shy but not uncomfortable.

“Ok.”

“You just wanna fuck me or can you imagine both? Cause I definitely do.”

“Both.”

“Nice. Are you healthy and clean? Like did you check up at the doc or do we need to do that first?”

“I did in advance. And yes I am.”

“How much do you know about how things go.”

“Don’t worry I’m educated. I just lack physical experience.”

“Good. How much do you wanna do tonight?”

“Open… Let’s see how much I can manage.”

“Are you ok if I take the lead the first times?”

“I’d appreciate it.”

“Cool. Tell me if I do anything you don’t like please or if you wanna stop. Seriously.”

“Hard to imagine.”

“Don’t challenge me yet little one.” Hongjoong laughed and pushed his body back into him. “I’m going to take it slow on you. No kinky shit already ok?”

“Hey I’m probably bigger than you Hyung.”

“I’m not going to dive deeper into that topic…” The leader snorted and started to caress his sides while biting into his lip softly.

“Hy- Hyung….?” San wined into their kiss.

“Hmmm?”

“Can I take your clothes off?” The younger asked with those sparkling cute eyes.

Hongjoong looked down on himself and was actually surprised that they were still there. He completely forgot about them.

“Sure.” He mumbled before licking into the other’s mouth, trying to distract him.

San sighed softly in response but his hands still managed to find their way to the buttons of the captain’s pyjamas.

Their fingertips were cold. Which was kind of electrifying on the smooth skin underneath and when they rubbed over his nipples he had to slow himself down before his own inner demon could take over. That guy didn’t even give him the time to take the lead. He’d better step up his game. The pyjama pants were rustling down to the floor shortly after.

Hongjoong let out a light moan when he got palmed through his boxers without any warnings. It wasn’t too firm. More like the other was testing what was packed there and working him up at the same time.

“Hey chill…” Hongjoong laughed. “Or I don’t know if I can keep holding back.”

“Then don’t?”

Laughing again, he broke the kiss to bend down to his collarbones where he could suck at the perfectly smooth skin. Oh and he made sure to give these tiny nipples a few bites as if returning the favour but in a more intense way which drew cute little squeaks from the other’s mouth.

The younger one let go of his front for them to rush their hips back together enjoying how their erections got squeezed against each other while they were moving.

“You asked me to suck you off, remember? Still want that?”

“Mmhm…” San moaned into his shoulder loosing himself over mindlessly grinding and hugging him tightly. Felt like the young man had gathered up a whole bunch of sexual frustration to this point.

Hongjoong found it relatable but this wasn’t going to work for forever so he manoeuvred him over to the counter of the sink where he could sit comfortably. Having him steady there he went back to the roots which meant exploring his body. After thirsting for it for so many months he enjoyed every inch of it with his small fingers, then with his mouth.

San wiggled impatiently in his seat very soon, causing the Captain to chuckle into the trail of hickeys down his belly. How cute he was when his mind got cloudy and his needs were taking over.

“I love you…” San meant with a broken tone when Hongjoong spread his legs wider with tender hands. “I love this…” He added as he reached for the blue haired to caress his scalp only to find the other leaning into the touch willingly.

“I didn’t even start babe.“ Amused but clearly in love too he placed some extra kisses along these beautifully built inner tights. How they twitched at the intense feeling only spurned him on to add more.

The closer he got to the most sensitive parts the shakier these little pants dropped down every now and then from above. It weren’t many nor were they loud but that would happen soon enough. Hopefully it wouldn’t get too noisy though cause Yunho was still next door.

Just as San before he felt its weight through the fabric and kneaded it patiently. The brunette was shifting again and also very silent so Hongjoong looked up to check if he was ok. He was sucking in his lip, eyes shut and leaning onto his free hand. Such a beautiful view.

“Already drifting off?”

“S-sorry.” The younger winced now glancing down on him with one eye. Hot.

“No it’s good.” Hongjoong smiled and tugged on his waistband. “Can I?”

“Yes.”

As he nodded shyly, both eyes widening cutely, Hongjoong got up once more to capture him in a kiss. This way it wasn’t too awkward for the other when he pulled it down and snipped it under his balls. The Captain giggled at him jumping from the sensation and loosing a short high moan. Very satisfying. So sensitive. Both physically and mentally. To handle with caution. Noted.

When he got squeezed and stroked down there San’s grip tightened around the bunch of blue hair that still remained in one of his hands making the other shiver. It drove him crazy how Hongjoong was savouring every second he could building up anticipation and sneaking shaky moans from him.

Meanwhile the counter of the sink was giving the leader some friction too. Oddly turned on by the sight of him unconsciously humping it San was thinking of telling him he could also use his leg. Not sure if this was too much for now he gulped it down and broke the kiss to mess with the tender neck instead. There were some traces of Seonghwa’s hickeys left and he found they needed to be covered, no, vanished under dark purple spots and bite marks of his own.

“AH shit! SAN not so hard IT HURTS!”

These squeaks only had him laughing. „Now you know how it feels when you bite us. Getting your own medicine, Hyung…“ He mumbled into his ear darkly.

Shivers went down the other’s spine. Too much impact. God damn! Goosebumps everywhere. Not tonight. Not. Tonight. Someday. Control. He doesn’t know what he’s doing yet!

„Tone it down.“ A tiny hint of threat emanated from the rapper’s voice stating that the vocalist should really mind his words. So he still needed to feel some sort of respect unless asking for something else. Interesting. Maybe he could use this irritability for some dominance play one day.

After what felt like a sweet eternity Hongjoong finally went back down on his chest to have a look at his length while continuously stroking it.

It was impressive. Slightly shorter than Seonghwa but thicker. And heavy.

“Oh fuck I can’t wait to get this up my own ass.” Hongjoong blurted out immediately feeling the heat eating up his face. When his gaze flicked up to San’s he could see the other smirk at him way too self confidently. Damn his duality switching around was killing him down his own pants.

“I’ll do it if you want.”

“No. Not today.”

“Ah waee…” And there was the poutiness again.

“Cause I am your Captain and I wanna build some trust in you and your ability first..”

“Meh…”

A hand rubbed at San’s hand and tried to loosen the fingers from the blue strands. “Let go please…”

Another questioning look with that flushed pouty face and sparkling eyes.

„I don’t want you to accidentally choke me on your dick… Grab my shoulder instead if you need.“

„Oh.“

There there. He let go with a shy laugh and smiley eyes.

Back to the deeds with starting to suck at the balls. Still taking it slowly he’d work his way up with kisses and licks, testing out what caused reactions from the other.

„Tell me how you like it…“

„Mhm… more firm please… uhh… yess. Like that….“

And there was the hand squeezing his shoulder.

When he finally took him in at the tip, his legs started to squiggle a bit as if searching for some hold. Joong hooked his arms around them to help him out here but went deeper at the same time. Breathy moans told him that he was overwhelming him enough to wash his control away. They got louder and he experimented with the angle, still finding out what pleasured San the most.

„Hnn… m-more firm but slow… like the feeling of every inch going in and out…“

Hongjoong popped it out to take a look at San’s precious face that was completely messy and also getting sweaty.

„One to enjoy the tease more than the actual thing?“

„Yeah… Don’t like it to end fast…“

„Awesome. Same here.“ He smiled. „Want me to finish you off like this or wanna try some different things?“ He asked and casually snipped against the tip which resulted in some surprised high pitched pants.

„Try more…“ He whined.

„Greedy.“ Hongjoong said innerly happy about this opportunity. „How about that?“

This time he kept looking at him when he sucked him all the way in.

It was so freaking beautiful how San couldn’t stop watching him at first and then fell backwards inhaling sharply when Joong hit the base still staring up. Lewd, husky moans followed as he continued the process speeding up little by little then slowing down again pressing his tongue against it. They were probably a bit too loud but he decided not to care for now.

Naturally San started to move his hips into him at some point but the Captain wasn’t used to its thickness so he had to hold him in place in order to not get choked too much. He sped up one last time and stopped when he felt him twitching inside him repeatedly.

San observed him, clearly lingering in a hot headspace. His eyes were slim yet relaxed. The perfect classy bedroom eyes. Joong loved that and he felt excited when they glanced at him together with these red cheeks.

„Hey um… Sannie?“ He asked after wiping away the spit that covered his face with some toilet paper and tossed it to the ground. „Just to be clear about this… are you confident enough for me to fuck you tonight?

Hesitation. The eye contact slipped. Now he grabbed for Hongjoong’s hip and fiddled with the rim of his shorts. „Umm...“

„It’s ok. We don’t have to. I love you anyways.“

„Thank you.“

„So what else? I can still suck you off. Or you can touch me like before. Or we can stop right here?“

„N-no don’t… I didn’t mean to…“ Frustration spread across his face when he was unable to turn his thoughts into the right words. „I want you… I wanna try. I’m… just a bit scared you know? I’ve read it can be painful...“ Calming himself with distraction he opted for nibbling at the older‘s hipbones and then rubbed his thumbs against his bulge.

Hongjoong sighed at it noticing how desperate he actually felt. This whole night was about San since it was a bunch of first times for him. Of course he’d hold back on himself and even skip his own pleasure if needed but it would be a lie if he said it would be easy for him. Still. No pressure.

„It can be. I can try my best to avoid hurting you but I can’t promise.“

„Did your first hurt?”

“Yeah. A lot.” The leader laughed with a flustered grin. “But we were both not knowing what we were doing actually.”

“Oh no…” Worry glimmered in San’s eyes as he picked up on kneading the other through his pants. “Seonghwa?”

“Mhm.” He mumbled and comfortingly stroke San’s head, hoping on motivating him to continue.

“But you kept trying and learning so it wasn’t too bad right?”

Hongjoong laughed again. So sweet. “It was. But Seonghwa was also really loving and caring. Both of us. I can do that for you too. I’m ready to stop whenever you need me to.“

Instead of answering San kept touching him where his boxers were already soaked in precum. Maybe he felt trapped with the current options or his fear and needed more time. Joong couldn’t tell but is was also not on him so he’d just wait it out and focus on the fingers teasing his front. It was obvious that San was only used to pleasure himself there but it was fine. It still felt good, just wasn’t coordinated enough. After a while he slipped his own hand underneath his to show him how he liked it and the other followed along easily making him moan a few times. Hungry for more of these sounds he leaned in and sucked at it through the fabric.

Hongjoong wished he could tell him to take these damn pants off and suck his cock for real.

“Captain?“ San stopped and blushed after a while.

„Yeah…?“ Response was more of a moan than anything else.

„I trust you.“

„… Is that… an invitation?“

„Yes absolutely.“

That was enough for Hongjoong to take his face into his hands and kiss him passionately. With excitement he dragged him down from the counter flushing their bodies once more.

„Can I have you on the floor?“

“… Isn’t that … cold?”

“Well we have no bed… I mean I could bend you over the sink but I’d like us to see each other for your first time.”

“Ok ok I wanna see you too.” San mumbled and snug into his chest trying to charge from the heat. It was adorable how cuddly he could be. “Then warm me up quickly please Hyung.” That tiny flirt mate the captain’s heart flutter. So cute.

“Maybe we can put a towel? Do you have some here?” Hongjoong automatically let go to look around. If possible he’d try to make it more comfortable for the other. There was only a set for Yunho and one for San. Besides his own pyjamas not even clothes were in here. How could they be so unlucky and unprepared.

“All in the laundry, except for these.“ San pointed at them.

„We don’t wanna use Yunho‘s right?“

„Better not.“

„Ok. This won’t do for your back. We need the bigger one for under your ass. And the smaller one is too small. Maybe enough for a pillow…“

„Under my ass?“ One brow went up and Hongjoong could only think of how sexy it was.

„You’ll see…“

When he started to look for his clothes San sighed and held him back at his wrist making an attempt to sit down. „It’s ok Hyung. Don’t worry.“

„But-„

„Captain. I’m strong.“ He said confidently as he stretched out on the floor arms resting behind his head. The regret hit as soon as San’s back touched ground. „Aiishhii ok ok it’s cold! IT‘S COLD.“ With a wide grimace he squirmed like the baby he was.

„Phahahah this is so you.“ Hongjoong couldn’t keep himself from laughing. „But I can see you like it. Look at your nipples.“ When he stepped over him to grab the towels he bent down and flicked them.

San winced immediately and got sulky. „Hurry. I need you here…“

„What about the bath robe that is hanging at the door?”

„Nah it’s Yunho’s…“

„Where’s yours?“

„In my bed…“

„Urgh waeee….“

Lastly he still took his pyjamas for the condoms and the lube.

„Come on ass up.“ Hongjoong demanded while he rolled up the larger towel and helped him do move it in place. Like mentioned before he folded the smaller one so that they could use it to cushion his head.

„Sex is so awkward.“ San mused while Hongjoong supported him to fight his pants off that still had been stuck under his balls. Actually a rather funny impression.

„It is.“ Finally the leader came to rest above him on all fours looking down with loving eyes. In contrast the corners of his mouth were telling a different story as they were flickering hungrily.

Such an empowering position. He loved it. He loved the imagination of what was lying ahead of him. Or underneath. The picture of San who was still flustered and unsure where to put his limbs, shyly glancing upwards asking for some guidance.

To break the tension he let one of his hands wander down San’s chest. At the same time he leaned into a wet kiss lightly touching the younger’s erection until his breath got heavier.

„C-can you grind on me please? I liked that.“ The younger panted into his lips wrapping his arms around his neck for some hold.

A request the leader willingly fulfilled. Also he found it quite hot how San always told him what he wanted no matter how shy and insecure he felt at that moment. The Captain considered it a good base to build trust for intimacy.

Both were moving, just taking in the feeling of their bodies rubbing and sticking against each other. Soon enough they were trapped in their desires.

When their moans got more uncontrolled Hongjoong thought they might be ready to move on with his plan. So he sat up to grab the lube. Sure he could have continued to distract his lover while pouring it and just started to finger him without warning and maybe it would work out that way but he thought it was better to let him see what was coming for the first time.

The confused horny expression that hit him when they parted almost scratched Hongjoong’s cute aggression. „I’d like to touch your butt if it’s ok.“

A shy nod. Two hands found rest at San’s chest, him blushing and fiddling with his own nipples.

Hongjoong couldn’t avoid looking. Was that a provocative smirk? The way the other continuously forgot about his insecurity set him on fire.

„Tell me if I should stop.“ He said and adjusted the towel under San’s ass. Because of the smooth floor tiles it didn’t really want to keep its position. Then he brought the younger’s legs forward caging his behind between his own thighs. All for better access and the free view at this tiny hole.

„How does that feel?“ He asked when he rubbed it with his thumb while reaching for one of the other’s hands to give him emotional support.

„Mh…“ San shivered, head falling sideways. “N-nice…” Whimpers from a broken voice. His eyes closed and his lips relaxed when Hongjoong continued to play with his entrance until he was a panting sweaty mess and started to loosen up.

„You’re so beautiful babe. I’m so very sorry but this will be wet and cold.“ Warning him he showed him the bottle of lube before he poured a generous amount all over his fingers and the other’s butt, enough that it spilled down the middle and soaked his own boxers too. Even San’s balls. Might have been exaggerated but he really cared about not hurting the younger male.

More whimpers were leaving these pouty lips as he continued to fall into a more laidback headspace. „N-no I like it… Hyung.”

Hongjoong smiled. Interesting.

“Try to relax. I’m not pushing in before you let me.“

„It’s ok you can-„

„No I mean until my fingers go in without resistance.“

As promised he continuously rubbed at the entrance until the first finger slipped in almost on its own. It still stole a wince from him and he could see the strain on his forehead. Carefully and slowly working him open he also gave him his hand back for support. This way he could feel if his actions were too intense if he paid attention to the other’s grip.

San’s breath quickened and his helpless pants turned into moans especially as Hongjoong found the prostate and teased him until two and then three fingers slipped in. At this point both were forgetting about poor Yunho.

San completely lost himself in bucking his hips onto Hongjoong, even whispering for more. Being needy himself Hongjoong rutted up at his back adoring the other’s sweaty face and how his hair sticked to his forehead.

“Touch yourself Sannie.” He recommended with a breathy voice getting very sweaty too. “It’ll help with the sting.” This was an anticipation to the fourth finger that needed to go in before he’d consider to use his cock. Of course he tried to make it go in as easy as the rest but San was so damn tight he didn’t know if it was possible without any pain.

San obeyed. Though his free hand was shaky and flimsy he delivered a very delicious performance.

Unexpectedly San almost came when the fourth finger entered. The leader only noticed because he could see how he tried to keep himself from coming by squeezing the base of his dick as well as holding his breath. Hongjoong immediately stopped for a few seconds before going on. Oh no. Distracting him by teasing his nipples must have been too much. Seemed that he was sensitive enough that he had to slow down if he wanted to get his own reward for tonight. He’d not try to make him come twice yet.

And there were tears on the puffy cheeks.

„Hey babe are you ok?“ Worriedly he bent over San to have a better view on his emotions.

“Mhm.“

“Sure? Did it hurt?”

Shaking his head as response. Gasping at the four fingers that kept working inside him mindfully. The Captain knew it would get awkward if he completely stopped now.

“Felt weird… but good.”

“You’re crying…”

“Hurt a bit but it’s fine. More overwhelmed…“ Panting for air the younger tried to pull Hongjoong down onto his chest which wasn’t working the best in this angle.

“Sorry. I hoped I can do better. Should I stop? Or I can use my mouth that’s feels good too…”

“Oh damn no just fuck me already Hyung…”

How could one not give into him being so desperately angry. How could he keep his temper low at the rudeness of sounding so annoyed over his best intentions? It was boiling up his stomach like crazy, almost devoured him but at least it helped him to ease his worries. Still. Patience. The other was probably just unhappy with his overachieving mindfulness. San had quite the temper and as Hongjoong knew that he often regretted his quick tongue he should not act on his demands as harshly.

“But can you keep yourself from coming if I go in? It’s ok if not. Just-“

“Yeah… I’m good at this…”

“Are you trying to act cool again?”

“N-no… Always do this… “

Hongjoong’s proud smirk had the other startled.

“Ok then let’s do this.” He panted out getting a bit hasty from the inner excitement that arose. When he pulled out San bit his lip and whimpered. Too fast. Calm down. Breathe. He looked cute tho.

“W-wait!” One hand held him back when he reached for his stained boxers to pull them down.

“What?” Now he started to sound impatient as well. San’s mood swings always had him on the brink to drive him crazy. He was only human as well.

„Wanna see how it goes in.“ San said pleadingly with puppy eyes as got up on his elbows for a better view, then his hands cause it wasn’t enough.

Again. These goddamn mood swings what the fuck but how could he possibly be more precious for this at the same time?

“Uhuh.. watch closely then.” He answered actually pretty turned on.

Licking over his dry lips San quietly observed how Hongjoong took his full length out. After confidently pumping it himself to make sure it was at its hardest he rolled up one of the condoms and also poured more lube. During this he continuously checked for San’s expressions as they were intoxicating. Hungry, curious, exhausted. A tiny bit evaluative. San’s breath was hitching when he rubbed his tip at his entrance and slowly pushed in, then his face tensed up into a painful grimace for a second.

“Sorry.” Hongjoong mumbled.

“Don’t stop… it’s ok…” San whispered as he could see Hongjoong’s concern and he even stroke his hair back to look him in the eyes for him to see his honesty. Both stared feverishly while the younger one adjusted and stroke himself to ease the intensity.

Half way in Hongjoong he let go of his shaft to pull San into a deep kiss. Automatically the other wrapped his legs around him so that he landed on his lap. Through that it slid all the way in making them both moan between passionately making out with their tongues covering the deliciously overwhelming sensation.

It really felt like a reward to Hongjoong. He was so untouched that he almost exploded from energy. The moan that fought its way out of his throat when his balls touched San’s base was definitely from a different nature and it kept being hard to not just fuck into San as he pleased.

No need. San did it for him. Compared to his hand Hongjoong wasn’t too thick so it didn’t take too long for him to hunt after more friction that washed the sting away.

“San please… you’re so perfect.” Hongjoong moaned uncontrollably happy about the final permission to move. And oh he moved. Almost tuning into the demon he was he pushed him back down onto the floor harshly causing them both tho hiss in heat. “How can you be so perfect…” It was so satisfying when he could just pound into him and drown in lust. Now he trusted that he’d stop him if anything was too much. In return he showered him with all the compliments he knew San always wanted to hear from the members.

From then it was getting very messy. They both lost control somehow getting spit and hickeys everywhere. Even San found his inner demon as he kept biting and pushing into Hongjoong kind of surprised of how much he loved being fucked out like this. That little bit of pain at the beginning was nothing against this though he couldn’t wait to turn the table someday. Now he grasped why Hongjoong didn’t want him to top without knowing, no feeling what it meant. He would have done a horrible job with that and he understood he’d need guidance the first time. And for that they needed trust. Trust they started to build tonight. He was jealous Seonghwa had it though and he’d love to fuck it out of them and completely claim Hongjoong as his own. Deep inside he was afraid there might be more. There wasn’t but until he’d internalised that he’d probably try to prove himself over and over again.

Their sounds were filling the room no matter what and it was probably gross for anyone else but them. How could they care? They experienced it differently the closer they got. Hongjoong’s knees hurt like hell already and San’s back wasn’t too happy either so it was about time. Keeping up the pace was hard.

„Captain?“

„?“

„I’m… close…“

„Let go. I’m too…“

„C-can you cum inside me please?“

„That’s why I have the condom…“ He returned amused.

„Yeah no... Want your cum to drip out of me during performance tomorrow.“

That fucker…

„Eh… Did you watch too much porn? Think you’ll regret that. Man… You know how nasty that feels?! No… Of course not…“

„Please… wanna try.“

Well.

„Mh kay… but don’t complain to me afterwards…“

He pulled out to toss the condom aside and stuffed himself back in. FUCK it felt good.

Hongjoong remembered how San loved it painfully slow so he switched to that for him to enjoy and made sure he pressed into his prostate until he finally clenched around him and spilled all over his front. It was a mesmerising view how the white stained his chest and belly which were heavily moving up and down through the orgasm showing off even the tiniest muscle.

Together with these deep raspy breaths the tightness around him brought him back to his climax too. He moaned shakily while making sure he released as deep as possible and fucked them trough. It probably wouldn’t stay there long enough to fulfill San’s wish. Some of it came out already when he withdrew with another moan. It was not the worst view so he played with it like Seonghwa used to with him while catching his breath. It made San squirm a little from the over sensitivity.

“Fuck I’m so tired… performance tomorrow will be hell…” He sighed and sunk down onto the other’s chest completely worn out but still kind of excited. Nevertheless his eyes fell shut quickly.

“Yeah. But it was worth it.” San mumbled exhaustedly stretching out like a starfish. One hand found its way to the others hair and messed with it before he was drifting away too. Even after years of not being trainees anymore they were still too much used to passing out anywhere. Even on the cold floor.

A light knock on the door ripped them from their rest and saved them from catching a cold.

„Hey guys um…“ Someone cautiously called.

Shit. Yunho.

„Can I go to the toilet please…“ It sounded very tired and desperate. Poor guy.

Both were looking at each other quite startled, hearts racing up. They could feel it through their chests. The fact that he knew they were in here together wasn’t a good sign. Damage done.

„Yeah, just… just a moment please.“ Hongjoong yelled. “We’ll hurry.”

They got up asap to collect their clothes and to get ready for bed.

„San your ass and everything…“ The Captain whispered pointing at him, eating toothpaste at the same time. „Clean it.“ Then he sprinted to the shower himself to wash his own lower parts with high speed. San’s towels had to be enough for now. While San took care of his body and evening routine, Hongjoong hastily jumped into his pyjamas and rushed to throw the toilet paper and the condom away. The towels went straight into the empty laundry basket. Not perfect but it was probably too late to hide the evidence anyways.

Deadly silence hovered between them all when they finally unlocked the door. Yunho’s eyes wandered between them awkwardly a few times before he just passed them and gave their way free. Neither San nor Hongjoong said anything but San grabbed his arm when he aimed for the door. One cute pouty look was enough to tell him what he wanted. Cuddling and sleeping at his top bunk.

It was tight up there but they made it work.

~

When they woke up Yunho was already gone. Weird that he didn’t threw them out of the bed since they had a packed schedule today and should prepare for the performances this evening early. Maybe he thought they would need more rest. Or he was too disturbed from the night and not ready to deal with them yet. Who knew.

They were thankful anyways cause they still felt worn out. Especially Hongjoong was yawning with pain when he stretched his knees. Glancing down he discovered they were blue in some spots. Great.

San grumbled when Hongjoong started to shift and blinked at him tiredly. It was absolutely adorable how his sharp cheekbones contrasted with the soft remains of blush from sleepiness.

A few seconds into rubbing his swollen eyes later his expressions turned into grimace as he reached for his ass in Reflex.

„Ew…“

Hongjoong needed a second to remember but then he amusedly raised an eyebrow at him. „I told you it’s nasty…“ His laugh painted the other into a tomato. „Remember you wanted to keep it during stages today…“ The giggles got louder as San’s face vanished into his chest. „Besides that are you ok though?“ He said while padding his back.

San nodded and scooted closer. Then he glanced at Hongjoong again, seemingly beyond embarrassed. „Kind of like it… It’s like you still lingered inside me…“

„Oh my god… GO AWAY WITH THAT!“ He pushed him jokingly but then wrapped his arms around him and got tangled between the other‘s legs.

„I bet you’ve liked weirder things…“

Touché.