Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

1977  

October 4th  

Daisy doesn’t feel the small, fragile life growing inside of her until she’s feels like she’s died.  

Telling Billy to, “go,” ruined her. Knowing that he needed to and, perhaps more importantly, that he wanted to, hurt even more. It left her raw and empty and alone. More than she’s ever felt in her whole life. Before she gets on the flight Teddy’s arranged that will take her to salvation, she already feels damned. 

When she checks into rehab, Teddy is waiting. Simone came with her. They both give her a hug, and then she is on her own. Doctors at the center run tests, too many for her to remember later. That one, of course, she remembers. The shock and disbelief. Then the understanding that this is real, this is happening. She’s pregnant. 

The doctors present her options, but before they begin, she’s already decided. She’s going to be a mother, and a damn good one at that. The two of them have had a rough start, but she won’t change her mind. She knows herself well enough to understand that she won’t be perfect, but she hopes her baby will understand. That they will feel how much she loves them every single day forward now that she knows they’re with her. That they’ve been with her through so much already. She loves her baby more than she will love anyone or anything else. 

Even if she isn’t sure who the father is: Billy Dunne or Nicky Fitzpatrick. Both are bad options, just for very different reasons. The timeline is too messy for her to do the math to figure out a decisive answer. It’s useless to dream, but...She knows which person she wants it to be, who she hopes gave her this beautiful, miraculous love. Who has saved her life, and now, will save her baby’s, too.  

But still, she can’t be sure.  

She chooses not to dwell on it, because...At least for the next 60 days, she can’t do anything but get clean. And she will get clean. And stay that way. Her baby is counting on her. Her baby needs her to be strong. Her baby. 

Daisy sucks in a breath and feels life. Not just her future child’s, but her own. She will have hope. She will live and love and be okay. They both will.  

1977  

Winter  

Just as Camila’s life is crumbling into too many pieces for her to glue back together, Daisy Jones calls. 

“It’s me. Don’t hang up. Please,” she says, hurried and desperate.  

Camila hasn’t had time to get a word in, but wishes she didn’t have to, doesn’t understand how or why this is happening. Especially after all that she gave up getting here.  

“Daisy?” she asks. 

As if she doesn’t know. Come on. 

She hears Daisy swallow, inhale a shaky breath. Oh. Now, Camila understands. She’d been trying for Billy.  

A familiar ache fills her chest. It’s been sixty-two days since Chicago. Billy got out of rehab less than a month ago, and everything feels more broken than it ever has. And she knows, while she won’t resign herself to it, that it’s because of Daisy. That Billy is broken because of her. Because he doesn’t have her anymore.  

The betrayal of possibility makes bile rise up in her throat. The possibility that Billy lied when he says he hasn’t heard from her since that night makes her wish she could be sick. But maybe Daisy heard from him. Maybe this isn’t the first time she’s called Camila’s house. Maybe Billy’s called her, too. Maybe he isn’t as broken as he should be. Maybe. 

But Camila hates maybes. She doesn’t believe in them. They don’t do anyone any good. They aren’t stable. They’re a risk. In her years loving Billy Dunne, she’s killed a lot of doubts. A lot of almosts. Even more maybes. Camila can kill this one, too. 

“Hi, Camila.”

She sounds timid. That’s good, Camila thinks. It will make what she needs to do easier. 

“I know I don’t have any right to be calling,” Daisy starts, and her voice becomes more sure, stable, but balancing on shaky legs. Like a baby deer. Camila knows where’s she heard that before. From her husband. Daisy must be newly sober. “But I...I have to talk to him.” 

“He isn’t home,” Camila says. 

He is, though. He’s out in the back playing with Julia. Most of her toys are packed away by now. Their life is almost entirely in boxes, getting ready to move to San Diego next week. A fresh start. Finally. 

The lie is so easy. Slips out like it’s nothing. She doesn’t know why or how Billy made it look so hard for so long.  

“Okay,” Daisy breathes out. Camila hears her sniff. “I’m so sorry, really, I am, and I know you have every right to hate me but—” 

“I don’t hate you, Daisy.” 

Her voice is soft, almost wistful. She doesn’t know if it’s a lie. Not a complete one, at least. It’s messy. The three of them have been a mess since the day Billy met Daisy. These days, now that Billy has left the band and music and swore himself to her, Camila needs clean, orderly. Neat and tidy. Daisy is loud and chaos and mismatched. She simply doesn’t fit.  

“But...Do you really think the two of you should be talking right now?” 

Or fucking ever.  

Daisy rushes to get it out, “I’m pregnant.” 

Camila goes cold. Her body is frigid. This is exactly how it felt when she noticed something was wrong during The Six’s first tour. Except instead of a slow build, questions here and there and doubt settling in over weeks and months, it takes her all at once. Because this...This could absolutely destroy everything. All the pieces of herself she sacrificed, the fighting she did. The ways in which she made herself smaller and then larger than any one woman ever could be. All for Julia and Billy and her. Her family. Her life. While she can’t be positive, she knows that if Billy knew about this, it would sweep that life away. All the way out to sea. Never to return. 

“And I’m clean,” she adds. 

There’s a quiet pride in her tone with this last part. That sets Camila off more than her earlier words. Because even if she could tell right away that Daisy was, it’s another to hear her say it with confidence and belief in herself. It would be one thing if Daisy was a pregnant disaster. That, she could do her best to control. But a sober Daisy Jones? Pregnant with a child? One that... 

Well. Camila knows exactly how that will go. Even if she’ll delude herself into thinking it would’ve never gone that way. It won’t come until later, after this is over.  

Camila doesn’t acknowledge her first statement. “That’s amazing, Daisy. I always knew you could do it.” 

“Yeah, it’s...” She blows out a breath, but she’s smiling, Camila can hear it. “It’s hard. But I’m managing. She makes it easier. Gives me something to fight for.” 

She. Fuck. Billy will...But maybe. Only maybe.  

“Daisy.” Camila’s tone is firm, the one she uses with Julia when’s she has a temper tantrum. “He’s only been back for twenty-seven days.” 

She’s quiet when she replies, “I know. Teddy told me. I just came home yesterday.” 

Ah, so they’re not in contact. At least, not in a way that will threaten things. It’s good. This will also help her clean things up. 

“I want you both to be safe and healthy. More than anything else, apart from the fact that I want those same things for Julia.” Camila pauses. “But is this the best way to do that? For you or him?” 

“I know, but—” 

“Is this truly what’s best for your little girl, Daisy?” she asks.  

It only makes her feel mildly disgusting. Only a little like she’s getting even further and further away from the bright-eyed, hopeful girl of her past. They’re almost there, though, she can feel it. 

“I don’t know,” Daisy lets out. 

“He’s doing really good. Better than good. He’s so...Light. He breathes so easily. Like he doesn’t have to think about it anymore. Or hold it in.” She adds, “You didn’t know him before, but it was so hard for him to be happy. He is now. Not all the time, but he’s learning. He’s getting better every day.”  

She really should lie more since she’s clearly so awfully, horrifyingly good at it. All of the times Billy lied, to himself and her and Daisy and everyone else, and it turns out she’s the one who’s good at it. It brings her more comfort than she deserves. 

“He’s so dedicated to Julia, to me, to our family.” She makes sure that the final word feels just that. Final. “Julia missed her dad so much. He would do anything for her. You understand what I mean now, I think.” 

“I do.” Daisy’s voice is a whisper. “I understand.” 

“I wish you well, Daisy,” Camila says. “I’ve always been your biggest fan, don’t forget that.” 

“You, too,” Daisy’s voice shakes, and it sounds like she’s trying not to cry.  

Camila only hates herself for it. She can’t give up, even if she knows this moment, this choice, might never leave her. So damn close now.  

“I want...” Daisy lets out a plea, “I want you all to have the happiest life, I really do. I promise, I won’t fuck that up again.” 

Before Camila can say anything else, the dial tone clicks. 

And for a while, she convinces herself that her family is intact, has survived Hurricane Daisy, and that everything is as it should be. 

1982  

Summer  

Billy decides to go to Warren’s wedding the day before it happens, and even though Cami purses her lips and swallows thickly, she tells him he should take the drive-up Marina Del Ray. The wedding is being hosted on Warren’s boat (more like yacht) that’s docked there. 

It isn’t what she said when the invite first landed in their mailbox. Fancy cardstock engraved with gold letters. Clearly more Lisa’s family taste. There were bits of Warren in it, too, though. A picture of the two of them on his boat. So happy it kind of hurts to look at. 

Her exact words were, “Why did he even invite us if he knows we aren’t going to come?” 

Billy remembered shrugging, saying something like, “I think it’s nice of him.” 

After that, they were off to the races. 

He doesn’t know how long they yelled at one another. Trading harsh words both of them meant, but only in the empty space between them when they were in the same bed. A whole world separating them. He can’t remember the last time they held hands, let alone do anything more. Anything real.  

Their fight ended when Julia’s school bus pulled up to the door. They looked at one another and he hung his head. She offered an apologetic smile. He threw the invitation in the trash. 

Billy frowns, expecting the worst and instead is met with nothing at all. 

“If you really want to, if you think it won’t be...Too much,” she adds at the last minute, and he knows she still believes that he’s making a mistake. 

Because she isn’t talking about the copious amounts of alcohol that are always at weddings, that will no doubt be at this one. The idea of “too much,” of temptation, has nothing to do with that addiction. No, it’s an entirely different one. The one he knows both of them have done their best to forget about for the past four and a half years. 

“It’s Warren. He’s...Important,” Billy says simply, as if this explains everything. 

Or as if it makes up for it. Takes away the fact that even though he’s been through rehab a second time and is currently in therapy they’re still not back yet. Because getting back was always going to be hard, and he certainly isn’t going to ever give up, but sometimes he wonders if she wants to be there too badly. So much so that she’s willing to look past all the pain that he thinks they both still feel. 

Usually, he can ignore this, or convince himself that things will get better. That he can and will earn her back. But there are other times, like right now, when that all feels so out of reach. Like he can’t remember what it felt like before no matter how much he may wish otherwise. 

“Graham will be there, too,” he tells her, as if this solves all the unspoken fears and questions and just the why he wants to go at all. 

She wants to ask more of him, but eventually accepts it. “I’ll miss you while you’re gone.” 

When he drives up early in the morning, he feels every part of himself on edge. Even regretting deciding to go. He called Teddy last night and asked him if he could come and stay at his place for the night. Teddy assured him that even though he didn’t RSVP, Warren and Lisa do want him there. He says that Billy attending will be a good thing. For all of them. 

He can only send up a prayer that he’s right. He knows he can’t back out now. Even if Cami would welcome him back home with open arms and a quiet smile. Assurances that he’s made the right decision by not going. But he won’t. Since he started working with a therapist about a year ago, he’s been forced to confront hard truths. So, he knows damn well why he’s going to this wedding and why he can’t make himself turn around and retreat back to the safety and ease of his life 

Daisy Jones has haunted him for five years now and shows no sign of stopping.  

In both dreams and while awake. She is a ghost of all his mistakes, but also one of his favorite things he’s ever done. He hopes that by going and seeing her (because there’s no doubt she’ll be there), then maybe he can finally be free of her. 

The hidden, awful part of him knows better, but he can easily sweep it away with a lie to himself. He’s only been in therapy for a year, after all. He can still pretend nothing means what it really does. 

Even if it hurts him, and, even worse, threatens to hurt everyone else, too. 

When he pulls into the parking lot for the marina, it’s filled with security and the latest stars of every art industry he can think of, and probably some he can’t. All the people make him feel a little cagey. He’s come this far though. 

Security checks his name on the list though, and no shit, because he didn’t RVSP or think to tell Warren he was coming, he isn’t on it. 

Just as he’s about to call it quits, recognize the sign from the universe and get the fuck out, he sees Karen Sirko for the first time since that night in Chicago.  

“Karen!” he shouts.  

She turns around and her eyes go wide. When she doesn’t move, he smiles lamely. She comes over after another second.  

“Billy?” Karen’s jaw drops for a moment as she looks at him. “You’re...Here.” 

Billy replies, “Yeah?” He realizes his potential mistake too late. “Should I...Should I not be?” 

Karen doesn’t reply to that. 

One of the security guys looks at her. “Karen, do the bride and groom know this man?” 

Karen hesitates, which confuses Billy even more, but then she nods. “Yes, we...We’re all old friends. You can let him in.” 

Billy doesn’t understand why she seemed like she was going to pretend like she didn’t know him. Though, of course he suspects. And he isn’t even sure if it’s all to do with Daisy. Back then, the band fell apart so completely. He’s a little surprised she’s even here. Her and Warren didn’t have problems though, as much as he can remember. But he thought the band’s breakup was an open wound for all of them. A scab that never healed. He doesn’t know what it says that he might be the only one who feels that way. 

He follows Karen to where the ceremony will take place on the main deck. Warren and Lisa’s priest from their church in LA will marry them, according to the program. He didn’t even know they went to church, but it doesn’t surprise him. Warren’s mom was always trying to make her son a good Catholic boy. Billy wonders if Warren, so far away from his mom and Pittsburgh, started going to feel connected to home.  

It makes him think he really needs to make a goddamn effort to call his own mom more. She and Camila have never truly liked each other, but he knows that he’s the one who created the distance. He didn’t tell her about Camila’s pregnancy when they got married, he barely visited back then and doesn’t much now. He tells himself it’s to protect her, but he knows that’s a lie. It’s to protect himself. 

From the mistakes of his past or present, take your pick. 

He takes a seat beside Karen, second row back. The first one is reserved for Lisa’s many family members and Warren’s mom and favorite cousin, Alex. Karen’s fidgeting, looking around.  

“Graham’s coming,” he says, hoping it will soften the blow when she does see his brother. 

“Warren told me he was,” she sighs, “but we probably shouldn’t talk about that. It isn’t fair to him.” 

Billy knows the basic details. Karen got pregnant, had an abortion and then told Graham she didn’t love him. Wasn’t in love with him the same way he was. And subsequently broke his heart and his ability to be in a band. To play much music at all. 

Billy should be cold to her, or dislike her, but Graham’s happy in Hazelwood. Just bought a house. And he’s dating a really nice girl, Jeanie. He can’t fault Karen for doing the right thing, for letting him go. No more than he can fault... 

Karen must read whatever expression is on his face. He doesn’t like it. How easily she does. He doesn’t like what he knows it means even more. That he wasn’t as good at lying to everyone else as he was himself. 

“She’s here.”  

Billy nods. “Yeah, I thought she would be.” 

“She’s Warren’s Best Man.” She smiles. “Best Woman, I guess. Though she’s been protesting us making the distinction on a matter of principle.” 

He can’t help it. He huffs out a laugh. “Sounds like her.” 

“She’s...She’s doing really well. Stable. Been sober since...” She pauses, and he knows what she’ll say before she does. “December 1977.” 

He takes a slow breath, it hurts, of course, but most of all, he’s so thankful. He didn’t contribute to her happiness or stability, except maybe at the beginning. But by the time the tour came around, all he did was hurt her. Ask for more than she should’ve ever had to give and more than he deserved to ask for. The fact that she’s found it, despite everything, makes his heart feel like it’s actually beating. He didn’t realize how long he felt like it wasn’t until now. 

“Her music—” He finds it’s harder to ask the question than he thought, than maybe should be the case after almost five years. 

“She’s working on her second album. Warren already made her promise that he gets to be the session drummer for this one.” Karen’s tone is affectionate, but also distant, an unspoken thing.  

He knows that she has her own music happening, has been touring almost nonstop with various bands since The Six broke up. He’s curious to see if she likes it. If it makes her feel at ease. Or if she feels like she’s running from something. Camila and her still talk a good amount. Camila even flew to London once to visit.  

“When I talked to Camila last, she said you’re all doing good. That Julia’s growing up so fast.” 

Billy grins, even if he knows that maybe Camila wasn’t telling the whole truth. “Oh, yeah. She’s feisty, but happy.” He struggles to get the next part out, “We’re good though, I think. I’m really trying.” 

Karen reads something in his eyes, but she doesn’t acknowledge it. “I’m glad.” 

As awful as it makes him, he doesn’t want to talk about Camila and him. He talks about her plenty to his therapist. He thinks about her plenty, too. What he wants is to talk about Daisy. To get as many details he can out of Karen as she allows.  

“Is she...” He coughs. “Did she bring someone?” 

Karen sucks at her teeth and he knows he’s overstepped, so he’s surprised when she replies, “She isn’t dating anyone right now. But Billy, we both know you probably shouldn’t be asking about that.” 

They do, is the thing. Billy is perfectly aware it’s none of his fucking business who she dates. Who she falls in love with, even. But facing that is harder than he wants it to be, makes him feel hollow. Because he knows that Daisy deserves everything, he wants her to have everything. That doesn’t take away the one major but. It keeps him awake some nights and plagued by nightmares others. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry,” he says. 

She shrugs. “It’s okay. I understand.” 

He hopes she does, that she isn’t just saying it for the sake of it. For his sake or Camila’s or maybe even Daisy’s.  

Even if it hurts to learn these things about her and for Karen to remind him of his place, he doesn’t want it to stop. This is the longest he’s had the chance to talk about Daisy in five years. The longest he’s let anyone else talk about her to him. That didn’t stop him from being hungry for details, of course. But Teddy’s always been vague. And Billy doesn’t read any of her interviews, avoids her first solo album as if it’s a curse on him and his family. Though given her success from it, that hasn’t been easy. He manages. He’s been managing for years now. 

Before he can figure out a way to keep asking about Daisy, Graham’s there.  

“Well, this is a surprise,” he says to Billy, grinning. Then his eyes move to Karen and his grin slips for just a second before it comes back. “Hey, Karen.” 

She swallows. “Hi, Graham.” 

They’re saved by anything more by Teddy finding them. He gives Billy a hug.  

“I’m glad you came today,” he says as they do. 

Billy just nods and they take their seats once more. 

Billy wishes he didn’t have to spend the next thirty-five minutes in between his brother and the woman who broke his heart, but it’s too late to move when Graham takes the seat beside him and Teddy on the other side. Luckily, they don’t have time for a loaded silence to settle, because the processional music starts. Everyone else finds their seat.  

Warren comes out first, in a white suit, the widest smile Billy’s ever seen on his face. He stops at various rows, saying hello to the guests. For it being on a boat, it’s a big wedding, and it takes some time. When he gets to their row, Karen stands and gives him a quick hug. Graham leans over and shakes his hand. Teddy offers his congrats. Billy, ever the smooth, social butterfly, waves awkwardly. 

Warren’s eyes go a little wide when he does. “Billy?” 

“Yeah, I...” Except Billy has no idea where he’s going with that. 

“It’s good to see you,” Warren says, saving Billy from himself. “Really.” 

Billy smiles. “Good to see you, too, man. Good luck up there.” 

Warren’s grin returns. “Thanks.” 

Then Warren takes his place beside the priest, and the processional music gets louder. Lisa’s Maid of Honor comes down the aisle first. He thinks he recognizes her as being a Scream Queen who’s been dominating a bunch of horror and slasher films the past few years. She gets to the altar and gives Warren a brief hug. 

Billy swallows. He knows what will happen next. But he also knows there is no amount of preparation he can do that will stop his heart from going haywire when it does.  

It erases every single good thing he’s ever done the past five years, but he turns around just in time for Daisy to start walking down the aisle. When he sees her, his heart doesn’t go crazy. It stops completely. Time stops. The Earth stops turning. The only thing that matters is that Daisy Jones is here, real, and in front of him. So dangerously close. She is smiling so brightly he almost has to look away. He doesn’t though. Couldn’t even if he wanted to, never could, with her.  

She’s wearing a blue dress that ends around her ankles. Its flowy sleeves show off her shoulders and collarbone, and he feels ridiculous for wanting to kiss her there. The color brings out a similar one in her eyes. They’re so blue. He feels himself drowning in them. He can't get enough of her as she walks toward him. Wonders how he can keep this moment in a photograph in his mind. Because he doesn’t know when he’ll get another chance at seeing her. Not like this, at least. 

She grins at Warren and raises her brows. He laughs. Billy notices other people do, too. It’s clear that Warren and Daisy are close. They always were, but there’s a difference to it now. Real warmth. Billy aches for an alternate universe where it could’ve been the two of them. Even as just friends, though he knows he would always want more. Still, he would’ve accepted it, found a way to make peace with it. Because at least then she would still be in his life. 

Daisy spots Karen and Teddy and Graham and...Then, finally, she sees him. She looks breathless, like she thinks he’s a mirage. It's the same way for him, even if he hasn’t taken his eyes off her. But then something shifts in her expression. It becomes clouded over with sorrow and fear. Her bottom lip trembles. 

Before he can even try to decipher what it all means, or try to find some way to reassure her, make her feel better, she looks ahead once more.  

He expects Lisa to come down next, though he hates the thought of having to tear his eyes off of Daisy. Feels the pain it will bring as if he’s already had to do it. Only Lisa doesn’t come down the aisle.  

A little girl does. 

She has red hair and freckles and is wearing a blue and white dress that reminds him of all the outfits Julia used to play dress up in. She has a little white basket and is spreading blue and white flower petals as she walks. The guests are besotted with her, and Billy understands why. What he doesn’t understand is whose kid she is. 

Until he does, of course. 

Because the little girl gets to the top of the aisle and runs straight to Daisy, who doesn’t hesitate before wrapping her arms around her, picking her up. Daisy laughs and holds her close. The little girl grasps onto Daisy until she whispers something in her ear. She nods and Daisy sets her down with care.  

Then she comes running around towards them. Teddy lifts her up and puts her in his lap.  

“Can you see alright?” Teddy asks her, holding her up. 

She nods, and her smile is so familiar it makes Billy’s whole world halt. 

Her smile is just like Daisy’s. 

Just like her mother’s. 

Teddy meets Billy’s stare. He gives him a shrug. 

Fuck. 

The memory comes back then, vivid and real and in full color. 

Daisy comes onto his bus—their bus—after the show the night Rod asks them about adding, “a little fire,” to their shows.  

“Don’t over think it,” she’d said with a wide smile, “I’m the fire.”  

And she is. She always has been. To him and now to so many other people. He feels a little possessive of her. But he thinks he still knows her best. That none of them get the exact same Daisy that he does. He knows that no one else gets the same Billy as her, too.  

Billy hadn’t been able to help himself.  

“She’s back,” he’d told Rod, unable to suppress just how much it meant to him.  

“How’re you feeling?” he asks once they’re settled, watching TV and yet not watching it at all.  

She looks away from the screen and at him. She smiles and it takes his breath away. “Good. Really good.”  

He feels his whole body relax with the sound of her voice. Then he yawns, as much as he wishes he hadn’t.  

“You should get some sleep.” She sounds almost apologetic, as if she forced him to stay up with her.  

He nods though, knows that he should. Though it feels wrong to do so. Still, he stands, leaving her wrapped in a blanket. He wishes that he could be holding her. Even if it would only be for a night. Even if it couldn’t mean anything more than that.  

Sleep has only just started to come when he wakes up to a knock on the door between what’s become her room and his. He knows it’s Daisy. He knows he shouldn’t answer.  

He pulls open the door and she blinks up at him, surprised. He wonders how many times she’s done this. How many he’s been too asleep to hear.  

“Everything okay?” he asks.  

“Yes,” she whispers, “and...No.”  

It’s then he realizes she’s been crying.  

Before he can remind himself that he shouldn’t, he reaches out for her. “Come here.”  

She doesn’t hesitate before practically melting into him.  

He kisses her head, can smell her shampoo as he does. She shakes in his arms, and he knows she’s crying again. He wants her to stay with him forever, doesn’t want to ever have to let go.  

Eventually, she has to be the one to pull away.  

“I’m sorry,” she shakes her head, wipes away her tears, “I was good, really. I don’t...”  

“It’s alright.” He cups her cheek with his hand. “You’re alright.”  

She lets out a shaky breath. “I will be.”  

He so wants it to be the truth. More than he has ever wanted the same for himself. Because he may want to be okay, but he needs Daisy to not just be that, but...He needs her to be happy. To find peace.  

They should move. He should be the one to stop touching her, holding her close, even as she feels so very far away. He wants her to know how badly he wishes she could be truly close. To him, yes, but also her whole world.  

She looks up at him, searching for something he knows she’ll find with ease. He can’t bring himself to put the wall up between them right now. Even if he knows it will have to go back up soon.  

“Billy...” Her voice is pleading.  

He knows exactly what she wants, because he wants it, too.  

“Tell me,” he says “Tell me what you want.”  

“Kiss me?”  

It comes out like a question. Like she doesn’t believe she deserves it. He can’t resist any longer. The lonely yearning on her face and the heartache in her tone breaks down every single last bit of his resolve and self-control.  

When he kisses her, it’s soft. Almost chaste. Her eyes stay open until the last second and he knows because he keeps his open until they close. Her lips feel so good against his own. She sighs as he deepens it, pulls her firmly against him. He moans and wants more and more and more.  

She pulls away, too fast.  

They don’t say anything, they just look at one another.  

Then she smiles, but it’s so sad he refuses to let her go.  

Her brows furrow, but then her lips turn up. Into a real smile. Hopeful.  

“What do you want?”  

He pushes past the self-loathing and doubt and knowledge that this could shatter him. “You.”  

“Then take me.” Her voice is so quiet, it’s barely a breath. He hears it though, and once he does, he can’t not. 

If their first kiss was chaste, this one is sin incarnate. His tongue sweeps into her mouth and she moans, hot and tense as she kisses him with more force. He feels how badly he wants her. Months and months of want course through him. She buries one hand in his hair and clings to his arm with the other. He pulls her even closer, runs his hands everywhere he can reach.  

She pushes him back towards the bed. He pulls her on top of him and it takes only a moment for them to get tangled together. She rolls her hips and smirks against his mouth when she feels him hard for her. He takes the opportunity to flip them.  

They break apart, but only to rid themselves of their clothes. She’s wearing one of his t-shirts and he has half a mind to ask her to keep it on, but he wants to see her. When there’s nothing between them, he can’t stop staring.  

She laughs and he wants to play it over and over again. “I’m not going to disappear, Billy.”  

That’s the thing though, he thinks she might. One day.  

He doesn’t let himself dwell on the thought, instead placing his mouth on her breast.  

She gasps and it’s his turn to smirk.  

“Like that?” he asks.  

“Y—yes,” she gets out.  

He takes her nipple between his teeth, the smallest hint of pain. She moans out his name and it’s the best goddamn sound he’s ever heard.  

He wants to take him time, drag this out, even though he doesn’t think he can. But he will, if she wants him to. If that’s what she needs.  

“Want me to go slow?” he asks before giving the same attention to her other breast.  

“No,” she whines, deep in the back of her throat. “I need you. Now.”  

He won’t deny her this time.  

He starts kissing down her body, loving the sounds she makes as he does. He nips at the inside of her thighs and looks up at her. She’s watching him, her eyes hazy. Her lip between her teeth. He moves his mouth closer to where she needs it.  

“Billy, you don’t have to,” she says. He looks back up at her. “It’s okay, I get it.” And then she adds, “Nicky never liked doing it.”  

He smooths his hands along her thighs and makes a mental note to hunt down Nicky Fitzpatrick and murder him.  

“I want to,” he replies, knowing he can’t burden her with pain from his anger. He kisses her hip bone. “I like doing it.” Then he asks, “Do you want me to?”  

Her eyes hold so much, he’s afraid of it. “Yes.”  

He doesn’t tease her nearly as much as he thinks they both might like. He feels that they’re on borrowed time. That if he isn’t careful, the moment will break, and they’ll stop and will never get back here.  

He licks at her, and she cries out, so loud he worries the other bus might hear them. Even as he knows it’s ridiculous. They’re partying and drunk and high. And he’s with Daisy.  

It feels right.  

“Taste so good, baby,” he tells her as he teases her with his fingers.  

“Yeah?” She sounds amazed.  

He really is going to kill Nicky. With his bare hands.  

“Mmhmm, you’re so wet too. So perfect.”  

He tests curling a finger inside her, and her whole body jolts. He lays an arm across her stomach, keeping her in place while he learns what she likes. He adds a second finger, and her breathing goes wild. She fans a hand across her chest. He puts his mouth back on her, putting pressure on her clit. Just as he looks back at her, she meets his eyes. She comes then, tripping over her orgasm as he works her through it.  

He kisses her body, moving up it with gentle touches, giving her time to relax.  

She doesn’t let him off that easy. She pulls him forcefully against her lips and kisses him with everything she has. He loses himself in it. But only for a few minutes.  

“Need you,” he says in between kisses. “Please?” He remembers Nicky. “If you want, of course, if you...”  

“Yes.” She takes his cheek in her hand, and he looks down at her and thinks she’s the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. “I want to.”  

On the first thrust, he fits his head into the crook of her neck, on the second, he lifts her leg and brings it higher, on the third, he whispers her name. It’s just for her to hear. So much of what he says and does is. So many pieces of him are for her, and only her. He knows it shouldn't be that way, but there’s no undoing it.  

Billy tries to pour everything he can’t say into making her feel good. Like he can make her understand how much she means to him with sheer force of will. Like he can let her know how he’s always needed her by kissing her collarbone or holding onto her hip as he thrusts into her.  

As if he can proclaim everything he feels without a single word.  

She comes first, gasping and holding onto him so tightly he worries she’ll leave marks, but he can’t make himself stop her. He follows her and doesn’t know if he’s ever felt as complete as he does with her in his arms.  

He falls asleep soon after, can’t fight it off even though he knows she is still awake.  

When he wakes up, Daisy is gone. He finds her having coffee with Warren and she doesn’t even look in his direction. They never talk about it. Never even acknowledge it happened.  

Billy looks at Teddy and the little girl and then back at Daisy. None of them are looking at him, thankfully. But still. He can’t reign in his erratic pulse or the numbers swirling around in his mind. It’s way too much to process. Even if he had all the time in the world to process it, he doesn’t think he ever could. 

He doesn’t hear a minute of Lisa and Warren’s wedding ceremony, won’t remember anything except Daisy and her daughter.  

The minutes pass, and it only gets worse. He’s one-hundred-percent certain his brain has stopped working. That it’s no good now nor will it ever be in the future. Daisy Jones has broken his goddamn mind. Maybe she did years ago, but he knows it for certain now. 

Because if he can still taste Daisy’s kisses and feel her hands on his skin as if they happened yesterday... 

Because if the way Daisy looked when she saw him is any indication... 

Because if that little girl is as old as he thinks she is... 

Because if...  

Then that means Daisy... 

That would mean that he and Daisy... 

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.  

And that’s when his brain doesn’t just break, it fucking explodes.

Chapter Text

Daisy doesn’t think Warren’s wedding day will be the one to ruin her life until she sees Billy Dunne for the first time in almost five years. 

When Warren and Lisa first sent out invitations, he’d asked Daisy if he thought he should invite Billy. She knew what he was really asking. If she was okay with it. For a whole fucked-up bouquet of reasons. 

She told him to go ahead, never once thinking that Camila and Billy would come. Or that Camila would allow Billy to come alone. Clearly, a lot has changed for them in the years since they last saw each other. Perhaps not as much as they have for Daisy, but she doesn’t think that’s fair considering everything she’s gone through.  

She makes it through the ceremony in one piece, but she isn’t sure how, and definitely feels bad that she can’t lose herself in Warren and Lisa’s vows the way she planned. Warren had even rehearsed with her. He was so excited. She thinks he’ll understand, given the circumstances. 

Because if Billy’s here, and he’s seen her daughter, her bright star and everything she’s worked so hard for, her Maggie...Then it won’t be long until he figures out the truth.  

That he might be Maggie’s father. That he might have a daughter with Daisy. It terrifies her. All the possible outcomes and scenarios run through her head. The one focus she does have is that she won’t let Maggie get hurt.  

Her daughter saved her life. Her daughter is her life. She doesn’t care what else she needs to sacrifice to ensure that Maggie is safe and happy. 

Warren doesn’t know that Billy could be Maggie’s father. She’s never told anyone about that night on the tour bus. Even when it would’ve felt right or easy to do so. 

Warren suspects, of course, as does everyone except maybe Graham. But he and his involvement in Maggie’s life was more easily navigated since Daisy speaks to him so infrequently. This is the first time that they’ve seen one another in over two years.  

The only people who know more are Teddy and Simone, and neither one of them is going to tell anyone. She trusts that. Even though Teddy loves Billy like a son. She hates herself that she somehow put a wall between the two of them. Even if Teddy assures her that she hasn’t, that he and Billy are still close. Just not about this one, significant, thing. Teddy and Simone don’t know that her and Billy ever slept together, but she did tell them both about the phone call with Camila.  

The one that changed her life.  

It made her rethink everything she thought about during those sixty days in rehab. Led her down a path she knew there was no going back from, one where she raised her baby all by herself. Most importantly, it was the one that made her understand no matter how much she wished things were different, Billy was better off without her. And maybe Daisy and her child would be better off without him, too. She doesn’t believe that now, hasn’t in years, but she thinks the first part might still be true.  

That Billy simply can’t be happy and healthy when he has Daisy in his life. 

Her reasons for telling Camila that she wouldn’t ruin her family, that she wouldn’t ever call again, are intertwined in every single day of her life since. They’re buried in her lungs. Present and felt with every breath she takes and thoughts of whether she made the right choice. She had just been getting to a good place with it, too.  

And now this. 

Now, Billy is here, and nothing will ever be the same. 

As soon as Warren and Lisa walk down the aisle together as man and wife, Daisy walks over to Teddy. She takes a deep breath and straightens her back. If she’s going to get through this day, she’s going to need every inch of strength and courage. 

As soon as Maggie spots her, she jumps out of Teddy’s lap. Daisy leans down and Maggie runs into her arms. She holds her close, as if she could protect her from everything by just grasping on a little tighter.  

“Mommy, are we going to the party now?” Maggie asks, and Daisy refuses to meet anyone else’s eye.  

But, well, if Billy had any doubts that Maggie wasn’t her daughter, he certainly doesn’t anymore. 

She smiles. “Yes, baby.”  

Karen comes over before Daisy can think of just how she’s going to handle this with her daughter here.  

“Maggie,” Karen says, “would you like to come with me to the party? Your mum will be there in a just a bit.” 

“Okay!” Maggie grins. 

Daisy releases her, and Karen takes her hand.  

She swallows. “Thanks, Karen.” 

Karen nods, gives her an encouraging smile. 

Then Daisy’s faced with Teddy, Graham and Billy.  

Billy hasn’t taken her eyes off of her since the ceremony ended. She felt him looking at her before, when she first walked down the aisle. But this stare is different. This one hurts. 

“Graham,” Billy turns to his brother, “I’ll see you in a few.” 

Graham looks at Billy, then at Daisy, and then back at Billy. 

“Okay,” he finally agrees, and walks away, toward where all the other guests are headed.  

She looks at Teddy, tilts her head. 

He nods. “I’ll, uh, go find Karen. See if she needs help with Maggie.” 

Then they’re alone for the first time since Chicago. Since...Daisy feels out of breath, and not entirely because of her fear of the situation.  

“So,” she lets out. “How’ve you been?” 

He doesn’t beat around the bush. 

“What the actual fuck, Daisy?” 

She supposes, given everything that he’s processing, she might deserve this. It doesn’t make it any easier to accept. To listen to. Billy berating her once more for one of her choices that he doesn’t agree with, one that he feels he has the right to criticize. As if she hasn’t done the work in order to be the mother Maggie needs. Like they’re right back in the fall of 1975.  

This time though, she knows that he does have the right. Has several, in fact. Because there isn’t an excuse that she can give him, not one that will fix things. Their lives and one another’s place in it are messy, always have been, always will be. Daisy has learned to love the mess, find the beauty in it. Not only when it comes to Billy, but all the other parts of her world. Most especially, herself. It has been the furthest thing from easy and she has had to fight for it with tooth and nail and every piece of her. Somehow, she did it, and she can’t help but be proud of the woman she’s become.  

“I’m sure you have some questions,” she goes with, because she doesn’t think she has a whole bunch of options here. 

Evidently, Billy doesn’t find this response adequate. “Are fucking kidding me? Yeah, you could say I have some goddamn questions.” 

She bites her lip. “Can we just...” 

“What?”  

“Can we just talk?” She takes a breath and tries to find belief they can get through this with it. “I mean—” 

“No, Daisy, we can’t.”  

He’s fuming and she knows why, but it doesn’t make it any easier to bear the brunt of it, to accept that maybe he has a point. That they can’t just do anything . She wonders if they ever have. Even though it’s been almost five years, she thought she could remember everything so completely. A piece of her understands that, because of her substance use, that this is impossible. Still. The impossible never seemed to be that way with Billy. 

But now she wonders if she’s been holding onto false memories. 

He scoffs. “We lost the potential to just talk the second you chose not to tell me.” 

Her own anger sparks at that, remembering that phone call with Camila, the woman he chose, the woman he will always choose. Even now, Daisy’s certain of it. Most of the time, she doesn’t think about it, but for the first time in a long while, she lets herself imagine what it would’ve been like if Billy knew she was pregnant with a baby who was maybe his. 

She knows exactly what, and who, he would’ve picked over her. 

“I tried,” she spits out. “I called.” She points at him. “You didn’t answer.” 

“Oh, you called one fucking time?” He shakes his head. “Yeah, of course, I feel much better. One missed phone call certainly makes up for five years of lying.” 

“I never lied!” she fires back.  

He isn’t satisfied, dismisses her, effectively making her feel like he’s wiping the ship deck with her.  

This is the part where she tells him about the phone call with Camila. This is her opening to tell him something that changed her life, and has the potential to change his, too. Only...Would it? If he knew that Camila knew about her pregnancy, would he really leave her? Would he want to be with Daisy? Or would he just find different reasons to stay, to cling onto his marriage, the stability and godforsaken light it brings him?  

And even if he did know about the phone call, she believes Camila’s right. Billy looks good, well, he did before they were yelling at each other at Warren’s wedding, of all places. Billy is happy without Daisy in his life. Without having her in that way. She can’t make him miserable and unhealthy and broken just because she loves him still, despite everything. 

How can she tell him about talking to Camila without blowing his whole life into a thousand pieces? All for the same conclusion. All for it to not change a single thing in their lives. 

Daisy is positive of the answer. 

And before she can change her mind, decide that he deserves to know regardless, he shifts the conversation.  

“Then tell me the goddamn truth,” he gets out, still angry, but calmer. 

She knows what’s coming, but it still makes her want to sink to the ground and weep anyway. 

“Just tell me the truth,” he repeats. “Is she mine or—” 

“I don’t know!” she bursts out, the fact of it hurting more than she expected. Then, softer, resigned to the fact that all he wants is to fight with her, “I don’t know.” 

“But she might be?” Billy asks. 

Daisy forces herself to nod. 

Billy swallows and looks away from her, out onto the water.  

“If you did know, would it have made a difference?” she asks. “Would you have still left the stage that night?” 

Because she needs to confirm what she already believes, needs to hear it from him. No matter how much it will hurt. It will prove to her that she’s okay, being alone, being a single mother to the most amazing little girl. Hopefully, it will finally put any dreams or wistful “what ifs” about if things were different to bed.  

He looks back at her and hesitates. “I...” 

This is as much of an answer as he will ever give her. That’s all he’s ever given her, really. Stolen looks, glances so wrong they feel right. Hidden touches they never talk about again. It doesn’t matter if Maggie is his. It wouldn’t change the most fundamental truth. 

Daisy has always been and always will be Billy’s darkest secret.  

She sniffs and focuses on the horizon. “That’s what I thought.” 

It’s a beautiful day for her life to go up in flames. 

Where can they even try to go from here? She doesn’t know and doesn’t have even the faintest idea of how they can get past this. To talk to each other the way they used to, except now, about something more important than the two of them. Maggie matters more. She will always matter more to Daisy. 

“Hey, Billy and Daisy!” Warren calls as he comes over, dancing a little to the music the DJ is playing.  

He slings his arms over both of them. One on each of their shoulders, bringing them close together. She can smell Billy’s aftershave. Wishes that could keep the smell forever. Regrets that thought instantly. 

“It’s so good to see both of you, and in the same place!” He works his jaw. “But you’re fucking bumming me out.” He looks from Daisy back to Billy. “At my wedding.” 

Daisy instantly feels so guilty and embarrassed she could die from it.  

“Warren,” she feels her face turn overcome with worry and rushes to apologize, “I’m so sorry. I...” 

He shrugs it off. “I get it.” He gives Daisy a long look. “Believe me, I do, but if you guys don’t cool it with the yelling and start dancing, Lisa says she won’t be able to prevent my subsequent actions.” 

Daisy looks at Billy, contemplates the possible risks of turning Warren into a groomzilla, compares it against the sheer insanity that would probably entail hanging out with Billy for the rest of the day.  

“Sounds good to me,” Billy says. He looks at Daisy. “And maybe...Maybe we can find time to actually talk. Later.” 

Daisy feels her throat tighten, a lump forming there, one that’s all too familiar. 

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea...” She looks at Warren. “I’m really sorry, but I think I’m going to take Maggie and go home.” 

Billy looks at her as if he doesn’t know her, like she’s hurt him more than anyone else in the whole world. “What?”  

“I’m sorry but...” She takes a shaky breath. “I can’t.” 

His expression shifts, and where she anticipates anger, she finds only more pain. It wrecks her. The fact that she’s doing this to him. The fact that she has to make a choice at all. But her daughter has to be protected. She can’t risk that. Not for anything or anyone, but maybe, especially not for Billy. 

Even if she knows he deserves to have his chance to know her daughter, who could very well be his daughter, too. 

Warren, to her surprise, won’t have it. “Fuck off, you’re not leaving now. Daisy, you’re kidding, right?” He looks from Daisy back to Billy. “Man, do, uh...” 

“Of course, no problem.” He huffs. “Guess the men have to figure out the solution this time, too.” 

Billy and her meet eyes and she can tell that he referenced their first meeting on purpose. He hasn’t forgotten. A piece of her wishes he had. It would certainly make everything easier. Help Daisy feel less like she’s drowning and that there’s no lifeboat or rescue in sight. Let her leave here in peace with her daughter and her life still intact. Make her realize that she shouldn’t let Billy near Maggie, as much as she knows how cruel and wrong it would be of her. 

As soon as Billy’s out of earshot, Warren doesn’t hesitate. 

“So, you and Billy fucked, huh?” 

To her surprise, she laughs. “You would focus on that part of it.” 

Warren makes a face but gives in. “Okay, okay. But you’ve got to forgive me because, I’ll be honest, we all had no idea what the hell you two were doing that whole time.” 

“It was just the once,” she bites her lip, “and I’m still not sure if...” 

“If Maggie is Billy’s or Fuckweasel’s?” he finishes.  

She runs a hand over her forehead. “This is a mess.” She goes on, “Which is why I think it’s best that me and Maggie just leave now.” 

Warren doesn’t hold back. “Best for who exactly?” When she does reply, he asks, “Is it what’s best for Billy?”  

She searches the crowd and finds where Billy’s talking to Graham, looking wound tight and weighed down by exhaustion all at the same time.  

“Is it what’s best for Maggie?”  

Daisy spots Teddy and Karen sitting with Lisa and her Maid of Honor having dinner. Teddy’s making sure Maggie’s eating, at least. She wants to go to her daughter, find comfort in just being near her. 

Warren looks at her and won’t let her escape his final question. “Or is it what’s best for you?”  

The answer is obvious, of course, but it doesn’t mean she likes it. There’s a difference between knowing the right thing to do and doing it. Especially when it’s painful. And, of course, if she opens up her life to Billy again, she’ll be welcoming in pain. Maybe he won’t intend to cause it, but does that matter? Did it matter that he didn’t in the seventies? She isn’t sure, doesn’t know if there will ever come a time when she is, all she does know is she can’t open her little girl up to that kind of heartache. 

But she knows Billy wouldn’t do that, she feels it’s as true as the fact that she knows she wouldn’t either. Billy loves Julia, was always dedicated to her, even with everything else going on back then. She’s certain that he’ll be just as dedicated to Maggie. That, even if everything else is an absolute mess, how he cares for her would never waver. His place in her life would be a permeant one. If Daisy lets him be in her daughter’s life. 

The goddamn ‘if’ is haunting her, threatens to break her composure.  

She doesn’t feel mature enough for this, which is hilarious to consider since she’s a mom. But this feels far more adult than she’s prepared to face. Harder to navigate than almost anything else apart from maybe her sobriety. And letting Billy go that night in Chicago. 

Part of her wishes Simone were here, but then maybe it’s for the best she isn’t. She’d probably start cursing out Camila. Simone’s never hidden the fact that she dislikes her despite the fact that they never met. Daisy usually tries to defend her. If only to force herself into understanding why Billy’s so in love with her.  

“What if she gets hurt anyway?” she asks, her voice quiet, not weak, but definitely afraid. 

Warren sighs. “Then Lisa will kick Billy Dunne’s ass for her.” 

She snorts. “Right. All those martial arts classes.” 

He waves a finger. “Don’t knock ‘em until you try ‘em.” 

It feels good that she can still feel light, even when faced with an impossible situation and the consequences of one of the most difficult choices she’s ever had to make.  

“Fuck it,” Daisy decides, knowing that even if she wanted to choose otherwise, there’s really only one option here. At least, one that is best for her daughter. “If...If Billy’s response is any indication, it’s not as if any of this is going away any time soon.” She cracks a smile. “Besides, I was really looking forward to doing Shout. ” 

Warren grins, reaches out and shakes her shoulders backward and forward. “That’s the spirit!” 

She laughs and Warren pulls her toward Billy and Graham. They abruptly end their conversation, but Daisy knows they were talking about her and Maggie. While Graham didn’t know that Maggie could be Billy’s, he’s still wearing the most guilt-ridden expression she’s ever seen on him.  

“I hope you all are prepared for my very, very good dance moves,” she says. 

“You’re staying?” Billy asks, eyes so hopeful it takes her breath away. 

Daisy looks at Warren, who smiles and raises his brows.  

“Yes,” she responds. “We are staying.” 

His whole face lights up and she has to remind herself that even if he’s happy, even if he wants her here, the only reason for it is Maggie. That if it weren’t for her, he wouldn’t care this much. She reminds herself three times that he isn’t hers. Then she reminds herself again. And again. Even though Maggie might be his daughter, he has never been and never will be hers.  

Warren claps a hand on Graham’s shoulder. “Graham, have you met Lisa’s cousin Dani?” 

“Uh, I’m actually dating—” Graham starts, but Warren’s already leading him away. 

“I think you’re really gonna like her,” she hears Warren say. 

When Daisy and Billy are left alone, she can’t stop herself from joking, “He’s about as subtle as a brick.” 

Billy laughs and her heart contracts. “To the face.” 

“Billy, I don’t know what we’re supposed to do here,” she admits. 

“Me neither,” he replies. 

Maybe it should discourage her, but it doesn’t. If anything, it makes her feel better. Less alone. He’s always had that capability. Before Maggie, he was the first person who made her feel seen and known in all the ways she wanted to be. She hopes that this will make everything easier somehow, though she isn’t quite sure how yet. 

She looks at where Teddy still sits with Maggie and Karen.  

“Do you want to meet her?” she asks, but she knows his answer before she’s finished the question. 

He seems like he can't get it out fast enough. “Please.” 

She wants to say more, knows that there is so much more for her to say, but she can’t force it out. Not right now, at least. But she leads Billy toward Teddy and Karen.  

“What’re you guys talking about?” Daisy asks, avoiding how Billy’s watching her with Maggie like it’s some kind of miracle. 

Spare her. She’s a great fucking mom. Maybe she had a rough start with her pregnancy and didn’t have anything to go on, but she loves her daughter with everything in her. Daisy forces herself to cool her temper, breathes deeply. Being pissed at Billy right now will only hurt Maggie. 

“Karen says she’s the best at piano in the whole world,” Maggie says, a bright look of wonder on her face. 

Daisy raises her brows and Teddy laughs. Karen merely shrugs.  

“What?” Karen asks. “I am.” 

She looks away from Daisy to Billy, her tone becoming serious. “It’s good to see you.” 

“You, too,” he replies, but Daisy notices that his smile is a bit forced. 

Daisy clears her throat. “Um, Karen...” 

“Right,” Karen nods, “of course.” She gets up and leaves, departing for where Graham’s by the bar. 

Teddy must read both Daisy and Billy’s expressions, because he stays where he is, and she wonders, for probably the millionth time, what she would do without him. After that phone call, she almost fell apart. It was Teddy who reminded her she had to be strong for her baby, who helped her see that there was a different path forward for her, who has been with her every single step of the way. 

“Baby,” Daisy says. “I want you to meet someone.” 

Maggie seems to notice Billy for the first time.  

“This is my friend Billy, and he really wanted to meet you because he heard you’re the coolest girl ever.” 

Maggie studies Billy and Daisy grins. She doesn’t know if it’s because Daisy’s raised her alone with help from friends and Teddy or because Daisy herself isn’t exactly what people would describe as normal, but all she does know is that Maggie is special.  

Daisy looks at Billy, gives him a nod. 

“It’s an honor to meet the coolest girl ever,” Billy says. 

Maggie grins, but then reminds Daisy, “I have really good dance moves, too, Mommy.” 

Daisy laughs, feeling herself become so much brighter around her daughter. “Oh my god, how could I forget?” 

“Are we gonna dance soon?” Maggie asks, her face sparking with something Teddy’s remarked isn’t unlike when Daisy finds a song she loves. 

Daisy meets Billy's eyes and smirks. He gives her a wide-eyed look of fear, but she’s undeterred. “Do you know who loves to dance? My friend Billy, here. In fact, it is his favorite thing.” 

Maggie’s jaw drops. “Really?” 

Daisy looks at Billy expectantly. He looks at Maggie, and no duh, he can’t deny her precious little face. 

“Yep,” he responds. 

Maggie smiles, showing off her teeth. She looks at Daisy. “Can Billy eat cake with us?”  

Daisy feels like this is all happening too fast for her to catch herself, to get a grip on anything sturdy enough to hold onto for dear fucking life.  

She won’t hurt Maggie though. “Of course, he can.” 

Which is how she finds herself in the weirdest situation of maybe her whole life.  

Eating Warren’s wedding cake with Karen, Graham, Teddy, Billy and their potential daughter who resulted from a scandalous affair. Okay, well, maybe she’s being a little dramatic. But it is kind of awkward. Especially when Karen finds out Graham has a house and a girlfriend. Even more so when Maggie asks Billy how he knows Daisy. 

She really needs to think through her choices more. 

Or at least find more elegant ways of escaping these kinds of scenarios.  

And then, because things weren’t weird enough, Eddie Roundtree shows up, late. Daisy knew he was coming. Heard from Lisa that his flight got delayed and that he wouldn’t make it in from New York in time for the ceremony. But that was many hours and a fight with Billy Dunne and introducing Maggie to one of her potential fathers ago. They don’t have any bad blood, but like everyone else, he kind of suspected her and Billy did...Something.  

Like conceive a child, you know, small stuff. 

Eddie jogs up to where Warren and Lisa are talking to some of her family, and wraps him in a hug. They’ve had their hard times, but...Well, like everyone else, she guesses, they couldn’t really cut one another out forever.  

When Eddie steps back, he notices Warren’s shifty eyes and Lisa trying to look anywhere except at their table. 

“What?” Eddie asks. “Oh, come on! My flight was delayed. I can’t help that.” He’s still only looking at Warren and Lisa. “Seriously. What’s going on?” Then, because Warren can’t stop looking over at them all and then back at Eddie, he sees. Especially her and Billy. Sitting with Maggie. “Oh...” His eyes go wide, and his mouth is hanging open. “Oh. Fuck..Billy? And...Daisy...And Maggie? All of you...Together?” 

“Good to see you, too, man,” Billy replies, a fake smile plastered on his face. 

It’s going to be one hell of a night. 

The last time Billy and Eddie were alone, he punched him in the face, and honestly, he would do it again. Just not because of him being a dick. Rather, because it’s clear that Maggie is obsessed with him for reasons no one, not even Daisy, can understand. 

“It’s because I’m naturally charming,” Eddie says around a mouthful of cake.  

He joined their table without asking, of course. But Warren and Lisa seem fine with it, so Billy doesn’t put up much of a fight. Sure, he shoots him a glare, but that’s always necessary. 

“I don’t think that’s it,” Daisy argues. She looks at Maggie. “Why is Eddie special?” 

Maggie shrugs, uninterested in all of their obvious discomfort. She looks at Billy and he has to swallow down everything he’s feeling so he doesn’t explode from it. “Are we allowed to dance now?” 

Graham shakes his head. “Oh, she’s stubborn alright.” 

Maggie smiles at him. “You have funny hair.” 

“Yeah,” Graham nods, solemn, “I know.” 

Mostly because Maggie has told him this no less than five times today. 

Billy coughs to hide a laugh and Graham looks positively betrayed. The rest of them burst out laughing, too. He doesn’t even hate Eddie for doing it. 

Then the DJ announces that they’re ready for people to come up with suggestions. Billy can only guess what he’s about to be subjected to. Weddings aren’t really his thing. Hell, his own damn wedding wasn’t his thing. But he can’t remember why he hates them when Maggie’s whole face lights up. 

She looks at Daisy. “Please?” She clasps her hands and drags out the word. 

“You have to ask Uncle Warren,” Daisy tells her, but she’s smiling. 

She doesn’t waste any time, bounding out of her chair and running to the other side of the table. Warren leans down so Maggie can whisper in his ear, Lisa’s grinning and shaking her head. 

“Is it what I think it is?” she asks. 

Daisy shrugs. “She’s consistent.” 

“Oh, fuck,” Karen mutters. 

“Language,” Billy says, gesturing to Maggie. 

Eddie snorts. “Uh, hate to be the one to tell you this, but that ship’s sailed.” 

He looks at Daisy, expecting her to say otherwise. 

“What?” She frowns. “I’m a single mom. I think I’ve earned the right to say fuck.” 

Billy buries his head in his hands. 

They laugh at him, practically gleeful with it. Because, of course, they are. He sort of thought they’d all be at one another’s throats. He doesn’t know what to do with the fact that they aren’t. 

“Alright,” Warren stands, clapping his hands together. “Maggie’s putting the request in now.” 

“God help me,” Karen murmurs and finishes her champagne before going out to the dance floor.  

“It could be worse!” Daisy calls out to all of them.  

Graham and Billy exchange equally confused looks. 

Lisa opens her mouth and then, thinking more about it, closes it. “It’s better if you don’t know,” she assures them both. 

Maggie’s dancing before the music even kicks in, and Billy thinks if he wasn’t so focused on her, he’d realize the torture being inflicted upon him sooner. Evidently, he doesn’t realize until a voice comes in. A very familiar voice. 

His fucking voice.   

I put the man in the moon 
I put the dial in the tone 

Billy's face must demonstrate exactly how deeply disturbing this moment is, because Eddie points at him with his champagne glass and mouths the next line to him. 

I put the grease on the wheel  

Karen’s downing more champagne. 

Warren’s spinning Lisa around the dance floor.  

Teddy is doing some kind of twist and shuffle, which Billy didn’t even know he was capable of after his heart attack. 

I put the sword in the stone  

Daisy, meanwhile, is acting out each absurd, ridiculous line through a different dance move. Each one is clearly pre-planned. When the sword in the stone line comes up, she mimics pulling an imaginary sword directly out of Eddie’s chest.  

I lit the southern stars 
I put the heathens peace 

And no one seems to be enjoying themselves more than Maggie, jumping around in uneven circles that reminds him so vividly of Daisy it kind of leaves him stunned. She has the biggest smile on her face and seems to enjoy everyone’s own dancing as much as her own. 

And then I hit the bird in the bush 
And someone called the police 

Then Maggie notices Billy isn’t dancing, but rather, looking at everyone. Vaguely horrified. She places her hands on her hips. 

“Mommy said dancing was your favorite.” She doesn’t look impressed, and he feels intensely judged for her only being four. Though, given that she is Daisy’s kid, that ability shouldn't be a shock. “Is it really? Because this is the best song ever.” 

“Yeah, Billy,” Daisy says and dances toward him. “Is dancing really your favorite?" She spins. "Especially to the best song in the world?” 

And I know you don't mean it 
I know you don't mean it 
I know you don't mean it 
Because you can't 

The thing is, he should be pissed at her for keeping Maggie from him for years. And he knows that a piece of him is still angry and hurt and a million other things. But none of those things are winning right now. Because there will be times to sort through all of that. Because what’s winning is that Daisy is smiling and looking lighter than he’s ever seen her. And he thinks Maggie has his nose despite looking so much like her mom. What’s winning is that Billy, for the first time in a long while, doesn’t feel burdened by every bad thing he’s ever done. 

So, he starts dancing. 

Except, of course, it turns out he’s a fucking horrible dancer. 

Maggie’s delighted though, looking at him like he’s hung the freaking moon, and he doesn’t give a shit if Eddie makes fun of him for this for the rest of his life. 

Turn around and look me in the eye 
Turn around and look me in the eye 
Turn around and say it to my face 
Turn around and say it to my face 

They all dance until they finish the song and when they do, Karen suggests another. So, they dance during that one, too. And again. And again. And again. With each one, Billy and Daisy dance a little closer. Maggie even lets him spin her around a couple times. She doesn’t seem to care that he sucks at dancing, either. 

When Maggie inevitably gets tired, Graham and Teddy go to sit with her while she colors. The rest of them keep dancing, and Billy thinks it’s so innocent and easy. Until, of course, it isn’t. 

A slow song comes on and he recognizes it instantly.  

“Seriously?” he asks Daisy, brows raised. 

He isn’t entirely upset at her for it. 

But she shakes her head. “Don’t look at me.” 

So, he finds Teddy’s eyes instead. Teddy shrugs, gives him a nod and then goes back to watching Maggie color.  

“Do you...” He isn’t sure it’s smart to finish his question. 

She rolls her eyes and smirks. “It’s only weird if you make it weird, Billy.” 

So, he extends a hand, and she takes it. Despite Billy lacking very little dancing abilities during fast songs, he thinks he’s managing okay. Daisy looks away from him and shakes her head. 

“God, if you told me today was going to be like this...” 

“What?” he asks, half-teasing and half-curious.  

“I probably would’ve stayed in bed,” she jokes. 

But it isn’t all that funny to him, and she reads it on his face and in the way he's holding her. She senses it right away. 

“I’m happy I didn’t,” she gets out, and he can tell it takes some effort, some hidden piece of herself. “I think Maggie is, too.” 

His lips turn up and so do hers, and for the next few minutes, they’re quiet. He isn’t sure what it says about him, but he doesn’t want the song to ever stop. Probably nothing good. Hell, he’s fucking married. But...Daisy is here and her daughter...Her daughter could be his daughter, too. And he’s only had a few hours with her but already loves her, somehow. 

The final lines come on and Billy holds onto them and onto Daisy. Maybe more than he should. More than will ever be healthy. 

In my room 
In my room (in my room, in my room) 
In my room (in my room, in my room) 

The song’s over, but they don’t immediately let go of one another. It takes them a moment, like they’re both a little dazed. Then they look over at where Maggie’s sleeping, curled up in Karen’s lap, who, to her credit, only appears to be mildly uncomfortable.  

“I should get her home,” Daisy says, and leaves his arms, just like that. 

He doesn’t want to say goodbye though, not when he doesn’t know if he’ll ever have another chance to ask her.  

So, he offers to carry Maggie to Daisy’s car. 

Everyone knows what he’s doing, but they give him and Daisy the space they need. When he’s finished helping Daisy get her into her carseat, they just stare at one another for a moment. There’s just...A lot. More than he knows if they’ll ever be able to mend or bridge the gap between them. 

But he wants to try. 

“It was a good wedding,” he says.  

“Yeah,” she nods. Then she looks at Maggie and back at him. “I’m...I’m glad you came.” 

Billy turns his head to look at Maggie. She’s dead asleep, nestled in with a blue stuffed rabbit. He remembers when Julia was that little. It wasn’t all that long ago, really. Julia’s only eight.  

And she doesn’t know she has a sister. Might, he corrects, if nothing else than because he thinks Daisy wants to make the distinction. Julia might have a sister. 

“Let me know her. Please,” he pleads, hating the desperation in his voice but knowing there's nothing he can do to repel it. “I know it’s a disaster waiting to happen, and I don’t expect everything with her.” He blows out a breath. “Or anything at all from you. But...Just give me a chance?” 

Daisy looks at Maggie again and then her eyes land back on him. He can practically see her mind working. The gears turning. Processing. Deciding. She swallows, but he feels hopeful even before she says a word. 

“Okay,” she allows. “I don’t know how we’ll do this or what the hell it’s going to look like, but...Okay.” 

“Thank you,” he lets out a breath, “and I really do mean that.” 

Her eyes hold belief in him, and he can’t get enough of it, even when she replies, “I know you do, Billy.” 

Then she turns to get into her car and all he can think is that he doesn’t want her to go yet. 

“One last thing,” he says.  

He simply can’t help himself. 

She nods. “Yeah?” 

“Maggie, seriously?” 

She shakes her head and laughs. He remembers that night so well. Thinks about way too often. How she told him a secret, her name, and he told her one in return. You make everything better. He feels so much like himself he wonders just how long it’s been since the last time he felt like this. Thinks maybe too long. An absurd amount. Or a dangerous amount.  

Daisy smirks. “Well, I wasn’t going to name her Daisy.” 

Billy’s still feeling light a moment later when her car pulls out of the lot. She waves as she does. He waves back and watches as she drives away. 

Daisy may want to make the distinction that he only might be Maggie’s father, but he knows, of course, he does, that’s he’s already decided. 

Maggie is his daughter.  

End of story. 

Chapter Text

1982  

Summer  

It’s a week after the wedding, and Billy’s back in LA to go to the park with Daisy and Maggie, and inexplicably, Warren, as well. 

When he asked Daisy why Warren was coming with them, she simply replied, “Warren likes the swings.” 

As if that made the reasoning behind his presence any clearer. 

He pulls into the driveway at Daisy’s house and laughs at the sight of it. Unlike the other homes on the street, cold and modern and doomed to the passage of time and trends, hers is rustic and has a screened in wrap-around porch. It’s right on the beach and seems like the place where it’s okay to get sand inside. It doesn’t belong with any of the others, but then, he imagines she likes it that way. A standout. Like her. 

When he gets to the front walk, he sees some chalk drawings on the drawings on the driveway. Lots of color, but little real figures or forms. They’re clearly Maggie’s. But there are more refined ones, too, and he knows those must belong to Daisy. Or someone else.  

He has no idea if Daisy’s dated since he last saw her, doesn’t know if she’s dating anyone now. Not that it would matter, of course. It can’t matter. Camila may not really be speaking to him at the moment, but she hasn’t taken Julia and left yet. Still, she’s already told him that she understands why he’s here, that he needs to be here for Maggie and do everything he can to make up for the lost time. 

He hasn't told her that Maggie could be Nicky’s, and never plans to do so. 

If he did...He isn’t sure what she would say or think. Certainly, nothing that he thinks would end well for absolutely anyone in his life or Maggie’s. He decided that she was his daughter the day of Warren’s wedding, and he won’t waver on that. Not ever. She is his kid, and there’s no going back on it now that Daisy’s agreed to let him be in her life. 

He makes a fist and knocks on the door, once. He fidgets, rolls his shoulders, tucks his hands into his jean pockets and then untucks them. He wishes it wasn’t the case, but he can’t hide from it. 

He’s fucking nervous.  

He knows what he’s supposed to do, obviously. He isn’t at a loss at how to spend time with a kid. Only Graham was always there and emulated him, and Julia’s known him since she was a baby. Julia grew up with him as her dad. She knew who he was, even if he missed her birth and the first months of her life. The shame of that, and knowing it’s happened not once but now again with Maggie, is enough to make his self-loathing spike and the urge to spiral and burn his life down rise up like heartburn in his chest. 

There’s no time to dwell on that though, because Daisy opens the door a second later.  

Her hair is in a ponytail, and she smiles when she sees it’s him. It gives him some courage, the kind he desperately needs. Because if she is happy to have him around, maybe everything won’t be as awful as he thought it would be—it might even manage to be good. 

Of course, it doesn’t erase the years of hurt and lies between them, from both of them. He’s trying his absolute hardest, but he’s still angry at her for not telling him about their daughter. He doesn't know how to move past it, to understand that she made her choice, and now they’re undoing it, at least. He wants that, for her and Maggie and even himself, but it’s clear that it is easier said than done.  

And he wonders if she feels similarly, if all the ways he hurt her, whether intentionally or not, are something she struggles to get over, too. He imagines that it is, that she is doing her best to put on a brave face. He hates the thought that he played a role in her deciding to keep Maggie a secret from him, and in convincing everyone else to do so, too. But it’s the reality, and in the past five years, he’s learned that there’s no hiding from that. 

He also knows the fact that they both still feel that all-too familiar and all-consuming connection towards the other only makes it even harder.  

At least, he still feels that connection. The thought that she might not, that he’s seeing what he wants to see instead of the truth, hurts more than he expected. He’ll need to find a way to move past it, temporarily, if today isn’t going to be a complete disaster. 

“Hey, Billy,” she says. 

“Hi.” 

God, he’s a damn mess.  

But if she notices, she doesn’t comment on it. “I just have to help Maggie get her shoes on, and then we can go.” 

He does his best to swallow down his doubts and fears. “Okay, yeah, that sounds good.” 

With her being herself, there’s no way she doesn’t notice something’s off with him. He’s proven right a moment later. Her smile wavers, but only for a moment, because Maggie comes running from where he guesses is the living room.  

“Mommy, can I wear my pink shoes today?” she asks Daisy. 

“Hmm,” Daisy taps a finger on her chin, “I don’t know...” 

Maggie clasps her hands together. “I promise I’ll be extra good for my bedtime.” 

Daisy nods. “That’s tempting.” 

It throws him off, seeing her so... Normal, although he knows that the expectation that she couldn’t be isn’t fair.  

Maggie isn’t one to ever quit, he can tell. “Pleaseeeeee?” 

Daisy doesn’t miss another beat, and decides, “Alrighty, I think we can go with the pink shoes.” 

Maggie grins and runs off.  

Leave it to Daisy to talk to her daughter like the little person she is. He bets acting any different, patronizing and controlling, doesn’t even occur to her. He isn’t surprised by it, if anything, it makes him surer that she’s a good mom. It helps with the misery of missing the first years of Maggie’s life. Maybe it should make him feel the opposite, but he’s glad that Daisy found stability with their kid. She’s doing pretty damn amazing, from what he can see, and so is Maggie. 

For the first time since he saw them at Warren’s wedding, Billy questions whether inserting himself into their lives is a good thing for Maggie and Daisy. He may have a right to be in Maggie’s life, but that’s different from it being good for her. To cause them both pain is the last thing that he wants.  

Daisy tilts her head to the side, reading his expression with ease. “Having second thoughts?” The question is deserved, but it still makes him bristle anyway. “Sorry,” she adds, “I didn’t mean...But I just want you to be sure.” 

He isn’t entirely positive this is a smart thing or won’t cause any amount of hurt, but he does know he can’t run from this simply because it’s hard. 

“I’m sure.” 

Daisy brightens immediately. “I’m glad.” She grins. “Today will be nice, which will be a fun prelude to us actually getting to the hard part of how this will all work.” 

Surprising himself, and her, he laughs. “Oh yeah, I’m really looking forward to that.” 

She shakes her head, still smiling, when Maggie comes back into the room carrying two pink Converse high-top sneakers.  

Daisy helps her put them on, and then they all get into Daisy’s Jeep. It’s not a flashy new one, but still nice enough that Billy doesn’t worry about their money situation. He doesn't know how much she saved from their time in The Six or what she's made of her first album, but he hopes they're okay. Not that he can be absolutely sure about that. There’s so much he doesn’t know about their lives, and he tries not to be overwhelmed by it. His therapist told him that these things have to happen over time, not all at once, if he and Daisy want to keep Maggie’s life happy and stable. And that’s the most important thing, the absolute most important, so, he rides out the discomfort on the way to the park. 

Daisy puts on the radio and Maggie sings along, loud and without abandon. Billy raises his brows, and she merely smiles, more than a little amused. “I swear, I didn’t force her. It just happened.” 

He looks in the rearview mirror where Maggie’s still singing. “Oh, I believe it.” 

Daisy says back to her, “Sounds beautiful, sweetheart.” 

Maggie’s more than confident, but she gives a toothy grin. “I know.” 

They pull into a parking spot, and Warren’s waiting by his car when they do. Billy doesn’t understand why he’s here, but the part of himself that still thinks he's a bad person might be starting to suspect. He doesn’t like to think that Daisy needs protection from him, or worse yet, that Maggie does, but he can’t say it’s completely out of line, all things considered.  

He hurt Daisy badly, back in the seventies, when he didn’t know how to be honest with himself or her. It’s too late for the two of them, in that way, at least, but he hopes he can have a chance with their child. Even if the idea of screwing it all up lingers. 

“Hey, man,” Warren greets, and clasps him in a one-armed hug. 

Billy returns it, feels his nerves calm a bit.  

“Warren!” Maggie bursts out as soon as Daisy’s gotten her out of her car seat. “Can we race to the swings?” 

He can’t help but feel like a bit of an outsider already and tries to remind himself again that this is going to take time. 

“You know,” Daisy interrupts, “Billy happens to be a super-fast runner, and I think he would love to race you.” 

Maggie looks at Warren. “Does she mean it?” 

Warren looks at Billy, who must be assured by whatever he sees on his face, because he tells her, “You kidding? He’s like a freakin’ cheetah.” 

“I’m faster than that.” Then Maggie looks at Billy. “But I’ll race you.” 

“Faster than a cheetah, huh?” Billy puts out his hand for her shake. “You’re on.” 

She stares at it for a second, and then her face shifts into one of pure mischief. “Starting now!” 

She takes off running, and Billy makes a petulant noise.  

Daisy laughs and Warren says, “You should’ve seen that one coming.” 

Billy follows her at a steady jog, fast enough that he catches up to Maggie with enough ease and to make things fair in her head, but not so fast as to pass her. Four-year-olds are funny like that, and he bets Maggie has an even more competitive streak than Julia. As they make their way to the swings, he can’t help but think of Julia at this age, and the differences he sees in her now. 

When she was little, Julia was so happy and outgoing. She’d tell Billy whatever she was thinking that very moment. These days, she’s shyer, doesn’t talk nearly as much to either him or Cam, but he knows the two of them have a special bond. He can’t stop himself from being a little jealous of it. Simultaneously, he hopes that Julia’s behavior is just due to her being nine and prays that Maggie never has to change herself to fit in the world. 

He lets Maggie beat him to the swings, and she grabs hold of a lower one in her hands. 

She turns around, triumphant. “Ha! I win.” 

He puts a hand on his chest, and then puts both of them on his knees and leans over, feigning being out of breath. 

“I concede,” he gets out, “You are indeed faster than a cheetah.” 

She giggles, pleased.  

Daisy and Warren walk up, and she wastes no time telling them about her victory.  

“Billy was pretty fast,” Maggie allows, “but I still beat him, 'cause duh.” 

Daisy raises her brows and gives her a look. “Maggie Jones, what have I said about being a sore winner?” 

“What? It’s the truth.” 

Billy bites his cheek to stop himself from laughing.  

Already, there are such stark differences from what he thought the typical childhood of a four-year-old has to look like. Cam ran Julia on a tight, consistent schedule, and she was a great kid from jump, which he thought made it all worth it. That Camila understood something he clearly lacked. But he can tell Maggie’s life is anything but typical, not that he would expect anything different from Daisy.  

Daisy crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, then maybe I won’t push you into outer space.” 

Maggie looks at Warren, who jumps into a swing and starts kicking his legs. “Don’t look at me, Shortcake.” 

She seems betrayed, but it only lasts a moment, because then she turns confident once more. “Billy will push me.” 

“Is that so?” Daisy asks. 

She nods, looks at Billy. “Right?” 

Billy hesitates, but turns to Daisy, who gives an encouraging nod. Her support shouldn’t mean as much as it does, after all the years spread out between them and that she chose to keep Maggie out of his life, but that doesn’t matter. For right now, that is, because...There will come a time when he’ll need to ask her the questions that haunt him, and she will need to answer. 

Today isn’t about that. Today is about him getting to know Daisy and his daughter. Today is, hopefully, the beginning of something he wants very badly.  

So, before he can let any doubt seep in, he responds, “You kidding? I’m a swing pushing expert.” 

Maggie’s whole face lights up, and his day is made. 

1982  

Fall  

Julia’s tenth birthday brings everyone together for the first time since October 4th, 1977. He figured she’d do something with a few friends, but about a week before her birthday, she got into a fight with all of them. It was Camila who suggested they just have a barbecue and invite his old bandmates. Billy’s seen everyone since then due to Warren’s wedding, but Cami wasn’t there, and he didn’t know he had a child with Daisy.  

Now, everything is different, and to say he’s flipping shit is a vast understatement.  

“Dad, are you okay?” Julia asks while he’s blowing up balloons.  

He forces a smile, and even though he doesn’t think she should be able to see through it, she might.  

"I’m great. I'm excited for you to see everyone.” 

She nods, considering her own reply. Sometimes, she gets so in her own head, he worries himself sick. But he knows it’s part of her growing up, and he can’t stop it, no matter how hard he tries. 

“And to meet Maggie, right? You want me to?” 

Explaining to Jules he has another daughter, that she has a little sister who she’s never met, was the hardest conversation he’s ever had. He doesn’t know if he did it right or how much he hurt her with the truth. But she is excited to meet her sister, he can tell.  

She deserved to hear it from him first, and more than that, he couldn’t bring himself to keep it from her after a month of him driving up to LA and spending time with Maggie. Once he knew that he was going to be a permanent person in Maggie’s life, Julia had to know. He and Cam talked about it, and even though she wanted to be the one to tell Julia, or for them to tell her together, he insisted he do it alone. They fought about it for two weeks before she finally gave in, and even now, he knows things aren’t completely healed over. 

Daisy also had her own difficult talk with their daughter, and while Maggie doesn’t seem to completely understand it yet, she does enjoy spending time with him.  

She told him as much when she said, “You’re pretty fun.” 

Daisy was delighted and made him understand this was a glowing review.  

He’s doing his best to not ask for too much too soon.  

“Of course, I want you to meet her. She’s your sister.” Julia chews on her lip, so Billy continues, “She’s gonna love you.” 

Julia smiles a little. “You said she’s a little wild?” 

Billy laughs. “You could say that, but you’ll meet her and can make your own decision.” 

At that, she does seem genuinely happy, and even though he wishes he never had to cause her a second of discomfort or pain, that isn’t how the world, or his life in particular, works. The best he can do is love her and be there for her and make sure she understands how much she means to him. And he hopes, with time, he’ll be able to do the same with Maggie.  

Cam comes in from the kitchen. “Billy, can you help me get the grill ready?” 

He nods, ruffles Jules’ hair, much to her dismay, and follows her out to the backyard.  

They set up the tables and then make sure the grill has enough igniter fluid and coal. They talk about Julia’s most recent report card and her fight with her friends. It feels as if they’re talking in circles, avoiding what is on both of their minds. His guilt over what he put her through in the past, and is now doing to her again, weighs heavy on his shoulders. But she doesn’t really want to discuss it, so he won’t push.  

He knows Cami, and understands that when she’s ready, she will bring it up, but he can’t force her into it. If he tries, he could fracture things even more. And he can’t lose her belief in him or the stability their marriage supplies. Since he met Maggie, his whole life has been in near-constant fluctuation. He needs Cam and Jules. More than is healthy. Certainly, more than he allows himself to think about most days. It might make him a lesser man, but he’s long since accepted that as part of his everyday existence. 

And even if he knows there are two other people he needs now, too. 

“It’s alright,” Cam swallows and her eyes register the surprise on his face. “I might still be angry and hurt, but...” She reaches out and touches his arm. “I believe in us, in our family. More than anything. I know we will be okay, because you’ll make sure it is.” 

Billy grasps onto her belief in him, steadfast and unyielding. He doesn’t want to think about what he would do without it. Still, her words don’t comfort him, not entirely. Because even though he knows it’s good for him, the pressure does make everything feel even harder. He can’t fail her, or Julia, and they both know that, and he’s aware that this reminder is an important one, but that doesn’t erase the threat that lingers underneath.  

She could very well decide he isn’t worth it after all, take Julia and leave him to his own vices and the never-ending questions of what a world without them looks like. 

So, he bears it. “Thank you,” and when that doesn’t sound like enough, “I know this isn’t easy.” 

She smiles sadly. “It isn’t easy for any of us.” 

He nods, feels her endless waves of disappointment and sadness and grief over the life that they’ve lost because of him. All over again. No matter how hard he tries, he never stops hurting the people he loves. 

“But I will do everything I can to keep our family safe and together.” he says. “I believe in us, too.” 

The last part is a sweet lie, but she is no stranger to those, especially from him, and it’s what she wants to hear. He pictures the next forty years or so, and how many lies he will tell her in that time. Fighting off a wince, he offers to get everything together for burgers and hotdogs. She lets him go, and he wonders if she also now feels the same sense of doom when she imagines their future. Even if she did, he wouldn’t be the person she’d tell. 

Warren and Lisa drive up first, and he greets Billy with a warm hug and a box of cookies from their favorite bakery in LA.

He has the piñata for Julia he insisted on procuring, because, "Billy, no offense, but no way in fucking hell are we doing some commercialized fake one from the damn grocery store. I know a place at my favorite market."

Lisa smiles and tells him that it’s nice to see him again, though he isn’t sure he’s meant to believe it. While she might’ve been kind to him at her wedding, this is a different set of circumstances altogether. 

Karen, who Daisy told him has been playing with moving back to LA due to the success of her band, pulls up in a cab next. She’s got a small bag that must be a gift for Jules and looks a little hungover. She wraps an arm around him anyway though and says she’s excited to see Julia again. Out of everyone in the band, Karen’s the one who’s seen her with any amount of consistency, apart from Graham, which really just means she’s been allowed to visit. 

Eddie shows up with a six-pack of beer and a brightly wrapped box. “Daisy threatened that if I didn’t bring a present, she’d inflict some next-level revenge.” 

Billy snorts, but remembers that Maggie’s inexplicable affection for him, and chooses to be less of a dick than he feels the urge to be. As if he can sense this, Eddie gives him a smug grin. Because, of course, the minute Eddie thinks he can get away with being an ass, he takes the chance. 

“Who do you think will throw the first punch?” he asks. “Because my money’s on Camila, but I think Daisy’ll be the one to end it.” 

Billy’s jaw ticks. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” 

Eddie raises his brows. “Of course, you do.” 

Billy fights off every inclination that tells him to punch Eddie in the face. As the seconds pass, they both know it isn’t working. He wants nothing more than to make him take back what he’s said, and the implications there. More than that, he needs the thought that none of them have changed nearly enough to handle this situation with grace to disappear. 

But before his temper can snap, Daisy’s own car arrives, with Daisy behind the wheel, Teddy seated in the passenger side and Maggie in her car seat at the back.   

“Hope we won’t be starting the cage fighting before cutting the cake!” Daisy calls as she parks the car in between his own and the one next door.  

Eddie flashes another grin, claps Billy on the shoulder and heads to the gate that leads to the backyard. 

There will be another time for Billy to hand Eddie’s ass to him, he decides, and instead opens Teddy’s side door, feeling himself relax with his presence alone. “Hey, Teddy.” 

“I am still capable of opening my damn car door,” he mutters in reply, but he’s sort of smiling despite it.  

“Try not to break a hip getting out,” Daisy jokes. 

Teddy huffs around a laugh, and then shuts the door behind him. “You know, I was perfectly fine before either one of you came into my life.” 

“Is that so?” Billy asks. 

“Oh, fuck off.” 

But his words, and the lack of anger in them, merely make Billy laugh, feel lighter than he has in weeks. 

“I hate to break it to you, Teddy,” Daisy adds, amused, “but you were most certainly not fine. And besides, between us and Simone, we’re the poor bastards who love you most, so you’re stuck with us.” 

Teddy sighs, but doesn’t disagree, and Billy knows they’ve won.  

“Hi Billy!” Maggie calls from the backseat.  

Daisy told her she could call him whatever she wants, but she hasn’t used anything but his name yet. He tries not to dwell on why, focuses on being Maggie’s dad where it counts, instead of just in the name. All of this is new to her, too, and confusing and just...A lot. He won’t expect more from a little girl than is right or fair.  

He waves. “Hey, Maggie.” 

She kicks her feet, she’s wearing a pair of sparkly boots today, and then calls out, “Mom! Can I get out now?” 

Daisy replies, “I don’t know? Can you?” 

“Mommmmmmmmmm,” Maggie drags out. “I wanna go to the party.” 

She looks at Billy. “What do you think?” 

He glances over at Maggie, whose eyes spark up with hope. She nods her head repeatedly until Billy says, “I say she definitely can. It won’t be a party without her, after all.” 

“Yes!” Maggie grins, showing off all her teeth.  

Daisy returns it and then meets his eye again for a second before going over to Maggie. “Well, since Billy says so.”  

She helps Maggie out, lifting her into her arms before setting her down carefully on the sidewalk.  

Billy tries to ignore the way the sight of Daisy with their daughter, so gentle and kind but also still herself, makes his heart feel as if it’s going to explode in his chest. It’s wrong to still have these kinds of feelings towards her, and although that’s no surprise, he needs to cool it. The only thing that should matter, no, the only thing that does matter, is Maggie’s safety and happiness. That’s all that can exist between him and Daisy now. 

If only his body would catch up and understand that, too. 

Daisy grasps one of Maggie’s hands in hers, swinging both of their arms as they start to walk back to the house. Maggie skips a few steps, and Billy does his best to conceal the wonder that he knows must be on his face. At least Daisy doesn’t seem deterred by it. He’s a little surprised. He thought, given everything, this part would be hard for her. He’s sure she’s hiding some of her nerves or pain, but the fact that they’re not the first thing he sees when he looks at her supplies some much-needed confidence on his end. 

Then Maggie takes Billy’s hand in her free one. He and Teddy exchange a look, and it helps ground him. Take the win as it is right now and not as all the things that he’s hoping it represents for the future.  

She looks up at Billy. “There’s cake, right?”  

“Sweetie, remember, you know the party isn’t for you?” Daisy reminds her. “It’s Julia’s, it’s her tenth birthday.” 

Maggie shrugs. “I know.” Then she looks over and up at Daisy. “Mommy, is Julia going to be my best friend?” 

Daisy swallows. “Well, Mags, she’s a few years older, but...I hope you two can be friends, yeah.” 

Billy can’t stop himself from saying, “She’s super excited to meet you. Ever since I told her you were coming, I could tell. She’s always wanted a sibling.” 

Teddy adds, “If I had to guess, I think the two of you will get into all kinds of trouble.” 

Maggie is clearly pleased, but the expression on Daisy’s face makes him pause. Her lips are pressed together and she’s holding something in, something that scares him. They’ve had small, brief fights in the past few months, but nothing major. Nothing that suggests that Daisy would decide to take Maggie away from him or that they’re not both trying their best for this to work. He isn’t sure anything could prepare him for that. Or what he would do if it ever happened.  

He’d assured himself that she wouldn’t, but then...She kept her from him in the first place. If she could do that, lie for as long as she did, then maybe she could change her mind, too. Just the thought of it threatens to send him spinning. 

“It’s fine,” she whispers, soft enough so Maggie doesn’t hear. “Really, it is.” 

It’s clear that it isn’t, that whatever has changed in a second will linger, but he can’t fight her now or force her to discuss it. It will have to wait. Which means that, until they do talk about whatever it is that’s bothering her, he’ll be driven nuts. 

When the four of them enter the backyard, a stilted tension takes hold, and he knows it isn’t only because of the shift between him and Daisy. Cam looks over from where she’s talking to Karen, and her smile dims, just a bit, when she sees Maggie and Daisy. Beside him, Daisy stiffens, tilts up her head, and waves hello at everyone. 

To anyone else, it may seem like a challenge, but he knows that it’s equally as much a defensive move.  

Camila comes over to them, and Daisy releases Maggie’s hand so that the two of them can hug. Billy would rather be anywhere else, though that isn’t fair. If they both have to face the consequences of Maggie’s presence, then so does he. There are no free passes when it comes to kids. 

“Daisy,” she pulls back, but keeps her hands on Daisy’s shoulders, “it’s good to see you.” 

Daisy replies, “You, too.”  

Cam’s eyes drift downward to Maggie. For a second, her stare is trained on where his hand is still holding onto hers, but she bends down to be on Maggie’s eye level so quickly he thinks he might’ve imagined it. This isn’t easy—for any of them—so, gets it, but as soon as it be to feel this way, he’s protective of his younger daughter, and her place in his life. 

“You must be Maggie.” 

Maggie grins. “Yep!” She looks around, scanning the faces of everyone here, and he knows exactly which one she wants to see. “Where’s Julia?” 

Cam responds, “She’s a little upset right now.” She stands and explains, “she’s in a fight with all her friends. You know how young girls can be.” 

“I do,” Daisy says, and turns to Maggie. “I’m sure you’ll still have a chance to meet her.” Then she takes in the carefully curated backyard. “This place is so nice. We’re lucky our yard is a beach. I couldn’t ever maintain something like this.” 

Cam shakes her head. “Well, it helps that Billy’s always been into teaching himself how to do things around it.” She laughs. “Keeps him busy.” 

He really wishes she hadn’t said it, though, of course, he knows why she did, and he’s positive that he’s the only one who sees the lies in Daisy’s smile.  

“That’s great.” 

Cam gestures to the house. “Why don’t I give you a tour? We can see if you can coax Julia out of her room.” 

Daisy looks at Maggie and then at Billy, and either his nod must ease her concerns, or she feels she doesn’t have much of a choice, because she agrees.  

All Billy wants to stop them from ever being alone together, but it’s an absurd wish. If they’re going to do this, be in each other’s lives for the sake of Julia and Maggie, then he needs to get used to the idea. He doesn’t know who he trusts least: Cam, Daisy or himself. 

Normally, he wouldn’t believe that Camila would do or say anything to acknowledge their shared pain, the turmoil and complications the three of them went through years ago. But she’s been different lately, more controlling, less easy. She’s doing her best considering it’s Julia’s birthday, but he wonders how strong even her resolve is, now that she’s met Maggie. 

Teddy makes a face when they leave together, but Billy decides against asking about it. If Teddy wants to tell him, he will, and if not, then...It may be for the best. 

So, he gets to work making burgers and hotdogs and small talk with the people who were once his family, but now feel a little like strangers. It’s easier once Graham shows up, his flight having been delayed, except his own awkwardness is present and accounted for. Maggie makes it all easier, asking questions and making all of them play a near endless game of tag with her.  

By the time Daisy and Cam come back out, he feels lighter, and that today might not be nearly as much of a disaster as he thought. And to his and Maggie’s delight, Julia is with them. She doesn’t look pleased until Maggie runs up to her and tackles her in a hug. 

“Maggie!” Daisy warns, but she’s laughing, too, most likely expecting nothing less. 

Maggie releases Julia from her hold and takes a step back. “Sorry.”  

She doesn’t exactly sound like it, but Cam is smiling, too, at least. Jules doesn’t look nervous, but he does worry she’ll do that thing where she goes far away, deep into herself, where not even her mom can reach. Those times concern him more than he knows what do with—it's a new thing, one he doesn’t know how to handle yet. At least Cam isn’t too worried about it and tells him that she deserves her space and when she’s ready, she’ll talk about it. 

Except, thank God, it’s clear this isn’t one of those times when Julia smiles. “It’s okay. I’m Julia, but...You can call me Jules, sometimes, too. My mom and dad do.” 

Maggie’s own smile is infectious. “Really?” 

Julia nods. “Really.” 

They sit down and eat, with Julia going next to Maggie without even having to be asked. 

Maggie looks even happier than she did earlier when she was told she could use Jules’ nickname, which he didn’t even know was possible in a kid her age. It makes him almost the same when he sees that Julia seems to feel it, too. While he still doesn’t believe things will be completely perfect for all of them, he starts to feel like they might be, if only just for today. 

“Jules, are you really ten today?” Maggie asks, starting a never-ending list of questions. 

“What’s your favorite color? Mine is pink, but yesterday it was yellow.” 

“Have you ever been to the zoo? I went with Mommy and Eddie and Karen and Warren, and I wanted to take a penguin home, but Mommy said no because he wouldn’t be happy without his friends. Can we go to the zoo together? You can show me the animal you like most!” 

“Do you like to dance? I danced with Billy at Warren’s wedding, and he was pretty okay.” 

“Do you do anything after school? I’m in ballet. I just started, but my teacher is the nicest.” 

“Mags, give her a sec to answer,” Daisy cuts in. She looks at Julia. “Sorry about that. I think she definitely gets it from me. Your dad never would’ve dared to ask that many questions.” She breezes past the resulting awkwardness. “But I gotta say, I’m kind of desperate to know all of that, too. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I think your favorite color was blue, way back then. But I doubt you remember since you were so little.” 

Julia looks at Daisy and relaxes, he’d noticed her getting tense with the barrage of questions, and he’s grateful to Daisy for seeing it too, and finding a way to help her.

"I remember," she says to Daisy. 

Before the moment can turn awkward, she tells Maggie, “Yeah, I really am ten. It feels a little weird, but I think a good kind of weird.” 

Then she grins back at Daisy. “I can't believe you remembered my favorite color! And yeah, it’s still blue. But pink is a good one, too,” she goes on, turning back to Maggie, “I think it’s cool you change your mind.” 

“I haven’t been to the zoo in like a year, but I love the tigers. I’m trying to get my mom to let us adopt a kitten. But I’d like to go back with you,” she glances briefly at him, and then Cam, her eyes staying on her longer, “I think it’d be fun, right?” 

Cam tucks some of her hair behind her ears. “Of course, we can.” 

Julia and Maggie look at one another with matching smiles and Billy can almost ignore the tense air in everyone else’s demeanor. If Jules or Maggie notice, they don’t show it. And that’s what matters most to him. 

Jules laughs and adds, “My dad’s the worst dancer, but I might come in second. But I like to dance anyway.” 

“And I play soccer. I just made the travel team.” 

Maggie’s face turns into one of wonder. “Woah.” 

“It’s pretty fun,” Julia agrees, “and my dad keeps saying that I should go out for the school play next year, but I don’t know if I will.” 

“Thank you, truly,” Daisy says.  

Julia shrugs and then tells Maggie, “I like your questions.” 

Maggie gloats to Daisy, “See?” 

Daisy raises her hands in surrender. “Fine. You got me.” 

The day is less tense, after that, as if Maggie and Julia have somehow sucked it out of each one of them. 

Still, it's not without some weird comments or looks. 

It takes almost another full hour for him to put together what else is going on. 

Everyone apart from Graham is acting more protective of Daisy and Maggie than he thinks the day or any of his or Cami’s behavior warrants. As if they don’t trust them with the two of them. Particularly Teddy, for reasons he really doesn’t get. It leads him down a path of questions he won’t get answers to, not today, at least. 

It’s all more than a little disorienting.  

Eventually, he can’t help himself. While he and Warren are grabbing some more ice from the garage, he gets out, “I know this is all weird as fuck, but...Did Cam or I do something wrong?” 

Warren becomes sheepish. “You picked up on that huh?” He nods, and Warren continues, “I swear, it’s not like we all got together and agreed to be dicks, but...Daisy’s still our family, and as much as I understand why you pulled away, you still did. She didn’t. We’ve all been with her from when she was pregnant to when she had Maggie to Maggie’s first...Everything. I’m sorry you missed all that, truly, I am. But I didn’t know she could be yours, honest. Daisy never confirmed a thing. The only who might know more about is...” He hesitates, “Well, it’s Teddy, which I’m sure hurts, too, but probably doesn’t surprise you.” 

“Sorry about making you guys feel like we don’t trust you, though,” and then, because he’s him, he jokes, “it is weird as all freakin’ hell, though, don’t you forget it.” He shakes his head. “I can’t believe you guys really fucked.” 

Billy rolls his eyes. “You would fixate on that part.” 

Warren laughs. “It’s kind of hard not to fixate on it, dude, back then, it was my life, too. If it makes you feel better, I gave Daisy the shame shit.” 

When they go back out, Warren does go out of his way to make everyone feel less pinned against him and Camila. Everyone, to their credit, follows suit. Except Teddy towards Cam, to a certain extent. Billy’s desperate to ask, to understand, but that won’t happen today. Still, he hopes that one day, they’ll be able to talk about it, and that he can know why. 

She brings out Jules’ cake, and while everyone’s singing to her, she whispers something in Maggie’s ear. When it’s time to blow out the candles, the two of them do it together, and damn, if he doesn’t nearly cry from the sight. Because maybe there is so much to figure out, but he doesn’t have to spiral over and over about this. And that is the only thing he can ask for at this moment. 

1982  

Winter

In the end, Daisy knows that an epic battle of a fight between her and Billy was inevitable, but expecting and understanding it doesn’t make the fight itself any easier to weather. 

She tells herself she doesn’t know what sets them off, but secretly, she knows better: that this whole charade of pretending both of them still aren’t hurting from their actions, past and present, isn’t working. It may never have, and she only fooled herself into believing it. As it turns out, she isn’t the only one who’s good at lying to themselves. 

About two months after Julia’s birthday party, Billy asks her about the weird moment between them when he called Julia Maggie’s sister. 

Here’s the thing, she doesn’t want to be a bitch about it, hell, the absolute last thing she wants to do is cause either of those girl's pain. But, in the end, she can't help but feel annoyed and a bitter taste in her mouth. 

And, of course, he decides when he wants to discuss it, no matter how that affects her. Even if she understands, after her years of lying, that he may have a right to do that, it doesn’t make it easier. The day he chooses happens to be a day when she’s meant to be recording at Sound City. Warren’s putting together some drum arrangements on one of the songs, which means that Maggie’s there, too, being half-watched by Tobias and Teddy. It may not be the best place for a four-year-old, but Daisy’s long since let go of her guilt over that. She never had much of a choice since she was doing everything all on her own.  

Besides, everyone’s completely stopped doing coke in the studio when Maggie’s here, and she takes that as an important victory. 

“Daisy, can we talk?” he starts, and it’s innocent enough that she agrees.  

They go out into the parking lot, and she tries not to let the past make it all harder, but it does, anyway. She can still remember the taste of his tongue in her mouth, feels his hands buried in her hair, the soft moans she let out. If he is remembering anything remotely similar, he doesn’t show it, but then, he’s always been better at that part than her. 

“What’s going on?” 

He sighs. “I think you know.” She frowns, so he goes on, “Look, I know that this is all new for you, but you’ve got to let me in more.”  

She bristles, and he’s irritated as soon as he notices, and it makes everything so much worse. 

He tells her, “You don’t have a right to put up barriers between me and my daughter.” 

“I’m doing the best I can,” she replies. 

“You’re not. If you were, you wouldn’t be pissed that I want Maggie and Julia to be sisters, family, or that I want to spend more time with her. Be a real part of her life. If you were doing your best, our so-called friends wouldn’t still be treating me like an outsider. Which none of you have the slightest reason to do. Not after what you did."

“I do have reasons!” she yells out, unable to stop herself. 

“Not good ones,” he says. 

“Maybe not to you, but you don’t know all of it, Billy. You don’t know what I’ve gone through and sacrificed,” she sucks in a breath, “even if I don’t regret any of it for a second.” 

His face shows how betrayed he is by the words, and she doesn’t realize her mistake in the choice of them until it is too late. 

“You don’t regret it?” he spits out. “You don’t regret hurting me and keeping me from being a part of Maggie’s life? You don’t regret lying to everyone we care about? You don’t regret forcing me to confront all of this on my own, with you going on as if nothing’s changed?” He looks at her as if he doesn’t know who she is, and finishes, “Well, fuck you then.” 

His anger only ignites her own more, and she knows it makes her awful, but she matches his rage with her own. “We both know that she might not even be your kid.”  

“Fuck that. She is.” And then, “Because it’s not like that fucking piece of shit Nicky is here, is he? Have you ever heard from him since Miami? I bet you haven’t. I bet he’s such a low life he never even thought to call. But I’m here and I want to help and be Maggie’s dad, and yet, for reasons that are only known to you, Daisy, you want to do it all alone and keep me from her.” He shakes his head. “I won’t let you do it.” 

His tone and words cut into her, and she can’t stop herself. “You know, I don’t have to let you see Maggie ever. In case you’ve forgotten, we are not married, and never were. You don’t have rights here.” She swallows. “So, no, Billy, I don’t have to do what you say or want. Not this time.” 

The way they’re tearing into each other, they’re acting like they’re trapped in an episode from fucking soap opera. And as much as Daisy wants it to stop, she doesn’t think it’s going to, at least, not until they both get it out. Whatever “it” really is. 

She sucks at her teeth. “I’m not trying to be...I just—” 

“Yes,” he interrupts, “you are. And I have no idea why. I don’t deserve this, not after you lied and kept me from my own damn kid for fucking years. When you knew, you knew, what me and Julia have been through, and what it does to me. How much it hurt back then and still hurts now. But you decided to do it to me all over again. Why? Why did you do it? Am I really so terrible, such an awful person that you couldn’t imagine a world in which I loved Maggie from the start and did everything I could to help you and know how much I care about her? About both of you?” 

It’s then that she realizes he doesn’t know a single thing about that phone call from five years ago, and it doesn’t surprise her, not at all. But still. It breaks her all over again.  

And, she also knows, this is her opportunity for her to tell him the truth about Camila, what she said to Daisy that convinced her that he couldn’t know about Maggie. That he could never know. To know about Maggie’s existence would destroy his sobriety and happiness and the family he needs so desperately, it’s as if they are the air he breathes. 

She needs to tell him.  

It’s the only way he may ever forgive her and the two of them can wave their white flags and navigate the hell of their situation the best they can.  

But she thinks about how she would say the words, and what he would do with them, and her heart doesn’t just break, it shatters into a million pieces, never to be whole again. 

He would feel betrayed by Camila, too, instead of only her, enough that he might even leave her. Maybe, even leave her and try to be with Daisy. To really be with her, without shame or secrets. Love her and hold her and raise Maggie by her side. A good presence in her life that brings light and stability and peace. 

And it makes her a fool, but for a second, she considers what it would feel like to be chosen.  

Then reality comes crashing down, and she sees that this will never happen. Not in the way she wants, at least. Because if Billy left Camila and then was with Daisy, it wouldn’t be a choice, not really. She would be the second best, the consolation prize. He would only truly try to make it work for Maggie, for the sake of his daughter, and she knows he would gladly move on from one marriage to another, for the safety of it. He would trade one trap for another. She refuses to be that for him, and to do that to either one of them. 

So, even though it ruins her, she eats her love for him and any notion of them being something real, something more than they’ve ever been before.  

She swallows. “You’re right.” He’s shocked, and it supplies her the chance to keep going, “You’re just...So right. I know that isn’t enough, but I don’t know if there’s ever going to be enough time left in my life to say it all, to convince you that I know I was wrong, and you deserved more. You deserved the truth and to be in Maggie’s life from the start. I’m so sorry, and maybe I’ll need to say sorry forever, but I will, if it makes anything easier between us. Because Maggie matters more to me than anything or anyone else in the whole world, and I will do anything to make sure she’s safe and happy and loved.” 

“That’s all I want, too,” he says, his voice at a normal volume now. 

She takes a steadying breath. “So, where do we go from here?” 

“I don’t know,” he admits, “but...I want to try.” He looks at her, so open and kind, though she doesn’t think she deserves it. “Will you try with me?” 

It hardly calls for half a second of thought. “Yes, Billy. I want that, too. I want...” And she does pause here, makes sure she means it before she says it, “Even if it’s unconventional or doesn’t make sense or is a fucking mess, I want all of us to be a family.” 

Chapter Text

1982  

Christmas  

For the following weeks after Billy and Daisy’s fight, they both make more of an effort for Billy to become a larger, permanent part of Maggie’s life.  

Which leads them to spending more and more time together. Which makes Daisy's head and heart more confused than ever. At least she has her daughter to focus on and prevent her from running wild with any foolish whims.  

Daisy knows that it’s a lot for Billy to balance, between being home with Julia and coming to LA to see Maggie. Still, he never complains. Doesn’t even bring up the hours of driving or horrendous traffic or how he has to listen to himself sing Look Me in the Eye in the car or the kitchen at least once every time he visits. It drives her a little crazy, if she’s being entirely honest, but the only people who are aware of that are Warren and Simone. 

Both of whom are with her, but they also remind her that this is a good thing, that she can relax and there’s no use in constantly worrying about it all going to hell.  

“You know in the last five years I haven’t exactly been Team Billy,” Simone says over coffee a few days before Christmas. “But I am Team Daisy and Maggie, until the very end. You owe it to yourself and Maggie to try, and to let him try to be the father Maggie deserves and the support you finally get to receive.”  

“I know,” Daisy rubs a hand over her forehead. “I’m not used to it, I guess. I mean, for over four years, it’s just been me and her. I don’t know what to do with it when he’s always here and having opinions about where Maggie’s going to kindergarten and what she’s eating or whether her ballet instructor is good enough and practically everything else.” 

It’s the truth, too. Billy’s gotten more comfortable asking for things from her, and that includes being a part of the decision-making when it comes to Maggie’s life and future. While a piece of Daisy is grateful, she also can’t help but miss the times when she could make all of those decisions on her own, as difficult as it was at times. That isn’t a fair thought, to Billy or her daughter, but she’s aware she’s far from perfect, even with years of trying to be better behind her.  

“I wouldn’t want him to act any differently, it would hurt if he was, honestly,” she admits, “but there are times I wish...God, it makes me awful, but I wish things could’ve stayed the same.” 

“Only that’s not how life works,” Simone reminds her. She reaches out and squeezes her hand for a moment. “Change is inevitable. You know that as well as I do.” 

“Yeah,” Daisy agrees. “And... There’s more to it than just that. I like having him in my life again. Too much. Maybe that makes me even more awful, but...” 

“I understand,” she cuts in.  

“Thank you,” she breathes out.

To lighten the moment, Simone jokes, “And if he fucks it up, we can always ruin his life systematically by enacting my revenge plan, which includes in-depth stages one through eight.” 

“Eight stages, seriously?” Daisy asks with a laugh. 

She points a finger at her. “I am being completely serious.” 

“Oh, I know.” Daisy snorts. “But I don’t think we’ll need it. At least, I hope not. Maybe we can’t be in each other’s lives the way I thought we would back in the seventies, but maybe this is will all fall into place, and things will feel right.” 

Simone is steadfast. “I hope so, too.”  

Daisy appreciates the support. Simone’s belief in not just her, but Billy, too, means more than she could ever say. She might need that belief more than she should, clinging onto it like a child with a favorite stuffed animal, but she tells herself it’s alright to need people. Before she met Simone and Teddy, then Billy and the rest of The Six, she believed she didn’t need a family. That she didn’t get to be the kind of person who needed people. She’s so happy that she doesn’t just think she was wrong back then, she is positive she was. 

The hope burrows deep into her chest. It's one that, even if it takes a while, tells her that everything will eventually be okay.  

The night of Christmas Eve, she hosts her annual Gingerbread House Competition Extravaganza, and she doesn’t have to think about it before she invites Billy.  

Growing up, Daisy never did anything fun or special with her parents during the holidays. She’d still get more gifts than was good for her, but the spirit of Christmas was never something she felt. 

Then she had Maggie, and knew, even before she was born, that she would give her everything she never had. 

At first, Teddy and Lisa were the only holdouts. But by the time Maggie celebrated her second Christmas, both of them had been turned onto full-on superfans. Even if, according to Simone, Daisy did have a tendency to, “go a bit crazy,” and her house kind of looked like, “an actual replica of the North Pole,” and the signature, “Jesus, Daisy! How much did you spend on lights?”  

Daisy doesn’t care though. While she isn’t particularly religious, with Maggie in her life, she loves the holiday. It makes her feel warm and safe and loved. And she does everything in her power to make sure that her daughter feels that way every day, not just on the special ones. 

When Billy arrives and she greets him at the door, the look on his face is so good. It’s freaking priceless, actually. His reaction alone makes the hours and hours her, Bernie and Warren spent decorating her entire house worth it. 

Her heart swells double when he says, “I didn’t realize I used to be in a band with Mrs. Clause.” 

She grins and replies, “Oh, come on, Billy. Don’t sell me so short. I’ll take nothing less than Saint Nick himself.” 

He looks at her with a raised brow for a moment, but it doesn’t last long, because he breaks and agrees, “Fine, fine. You’re actually Santa Clause. Happy?” 

“Very!” She smirks. “But, uh, don’t say that to Maggie, got it?” 

He shakes his head. “I know how to keep a secret, Dais.” 

The thing is, she does. 

Maybe more than anyone else. 

But then again, she knows she’s capable of the same, especially given their current situation. 

That isn’t the only thing that makes her pause. His voice saying her name like that—Dais—it means...Maybe more than it should, honestly.  

Which is why she dismisses it a second later and takes Billy through the entryway and into her living room. 

Billy looks around her place in wonder, taking in all the details.

She grins. “And you thought the outside was impressive.” 

He looks at her. “I shouldn’t have expected anything less, from you.” 

Her cheeks flame and she feels like she’s thirteen again and has gotten her first real crush. She expects him to look away and say hi to everyone else. Only he doesn’t. They just...Keep staring at one another. It goes on and on. Maggie’s napping upstairs, and Daisy wonders if she’ll have to be the one to disrupt the moment and walk away to wake her.  

In the end, of course, the only one who can save them is Teddy. 

Teddy’s tone is soft, at least, not a hint of judgment. Just happy. “Hey, Billy.”  

Billy looks away from her and walks over and helps Teddy stand. Then he wraps him in a hug.  

“Merry Christmas, man,” Teddy says. 

Daisy only misses his eyes on her as much as she would if it was her hearing that had been unceremoniously ripped away in a single second.  

God. And to think, her therapist just suggested they move to meeting once every two weeks instead of every single one. But with one look from Billy, Daisy’s undone. She wishes she could say it surprises her. 

“I’ll go get Maggie,” she says. “She’ll kill me if she misses one second of tonight.” 

It’s a good excuse, because it’s true, but it also provides her a few minutes to get herself the fuck together. 

Billy isn’t hers. Billy doesn’t want to be hers. Even if he loves Maggie and wants to be in her life, that doesn’t mean he loves Daisy. In fact, right now, even as much as she’s been trying, she isn’t completely sure he doesn’t hate her, at least a little, for keeping him from Maggie for years. Even if Daisy believes she might still be ruining his life by simply existing. 

She wishes she felt differently, especially now that she’s seen how much Billy cares for Maggie, and how she cares for him.  

In addition to what Simone said, life doesn’t work that way, either though. 

When Daisy goes to Maggie’s room and flicks on soft light, she sits right up in bed. 

“Is it time?” 

Most of her worries are erased by the excitement in her daughter’s little voice.  

“You bet it is,” she replies. 

Maggie gives her a wide smile, and Daisy grabs a pink Santa hat from her dresser and helps her put it on. 

Daisy’s about to help her down the stairs when Maggie asks, “Mommy, is Billy really my daddy?” 

Because, yeah, this shit was coming. She was just hoping to make it through the holiday before she had to face it. She promised Billy she would talk to Maggie, tell her the truth, and she did, as hard as it was. But Maggie hasn’t called Billy her dad or daddy or anything except Billy. Even Warren gets random nicknames. For three months, she refused to call him anything except Smurfy. Daisy has tried a few more times to let her know she can call Billy whatever she’d like, but well, she isn’t even five yet. And... It’s a situation that confuses even Daisy at times. And she’s meant to be a real adult. Whatever the hell that even entails. 

She takes a breath, leans down so she’s on eye-level, and tells her, “Yes, baby. Billy’s your dad.” 

It feels terrifying to confirm it, but she owes this much to Billy.  

Maggie nods. “Okay.” 

It comes as no small relief to Daisy and makes her brave enough to smooth down Maggie’s hair and add, “You know, you could call him daddy if you wan to. I think he’d like it.” 

She brightens. “Really?” 

At least Daisy doesn’t think twice about her answer. “Really, really.” 

“Alrighty,” she agrees. “But can we decorate the gingerbread houses now?” 

Daisy grins. “Oh, the race for first prize is so on.” 

When they get downstairs, everyone divides into teams, as usual. The typical ones are Warren and Lisa, Simone and Bernie, and then Daisy and Maggie. Teddy normally volunteers to be by himself or with Karen, when she’s been in town every few years.  

Daisy gestures to all of them though, giving her a choice, as usual. “Mags, as is tradition and your right as the one with the most Christmas spirit, you get first pick.” 

Maggie bites her lip, and for the first time since they started doing this, she seems to actually think about it. 

“Any year now,” Bernie teases.  

Maggie frowns in concentration, and then she looks at Billy and declares, “I want Daddy on my team!” 

Billy’s whole body comes alive with that one word, and as a result, so does Daisy’s. 

She loves him, of course, and to see him so happy, because of Maggie, especially, makes her love him even more. She didn’t think that it was possible to love people as much as she does now. But Maggie has helped heal those old wounds. She can’t stop herself from still feeling those old emotions for Billy, too. 

They get to work after that. Maggie is very particular about the construction of her gingerbread houses, but Billy follows every last instruction and idea. Daisy’s heartbeat quickens with every second.  

Of course, Billy is like this. He’s been like this from the first time she saw him with Julia. But it still makes her feel so grateful that he’s here, doing this with her now, because Maggie deserves absolutely everything the world can offer. And Billy offers so much. It’s almost enough to kill the guilt she feels for not telling him when she was pregnant, having him there from the beginning. 

But she truly did believe she was saving him by raising her daughter on her own. That she was protecting both her child and the love of her life. And she can’t say that she feels one-hundred percent differently, as wrong as that might make her. Because...She could be ruining his perfect life with Camila and Julia. She is most definitely hurting Camila, and maybe even Julia, too, though Billy says she’s handling it okay, all things considered. Still, even if she knows there’s no going back now, the damage has already been done. Whatever lies ahead, she’ll face it head-on. 

All she can really wish for now is for her and Billy to find a way to parent Maggie together. 

Because she’s certain now, it never would’ve worked out between them. Even if they were together, she knows it would only be for Maggie’s sake. He doesn’t...He’ll never...Fuck. She needs to stop going down this road. 

Besides, there is the fact that, as much as Billy may not be acting like it matters, there’s a chance that Maggie’s is Nicky’s, not his. 

Only...Daisy watches as Billy plays with Maggie and is so happy, she wonders if a piece of her is scared to believe and acknowledge it. Then Billy meets her eyes and grins, and she lets herself feel all of it. And, for the first time, Daisy thinks of Maggie as their daughter. And it doesn’t scare her. Not one bit.  

1983  

Spring  

Billy hates cliches, but with this year, following the holidays and as they move into springtime, things do feel renewed. 

Christmas was the beginning, but the next few months actually feel like real life. Enough that he stops doubting if he’s going to lose Daisy and Maggie again one day. Maybe not all the worries are extinguished, but Daisy reassures him, and Maggie holds his hand when he brings her to preschool, and he lets himself settle into the comfort that things are good. 

Of course, it doesn’t mean every part of his life feels that way. 

Most days, he replays his conversation with Camila where he told her the truth, about what happened with Daisy on the tour, and that they had a kid together. He knew he had to do it the day he came home from Warren’s wedding. If he didn’t do it then...Well, he couldn’t keep it from her. It was one of the hardest conversations in his life. But Maggie was his kid, and he wasn’t going to ever let her go. 

“I need to tell you something,” he said to Camila the moment he got through the door.  

She frowned. “You saw Daisy?”  

He didn’t want to think about how easily she knew it was about Daisy, whatever he needed to say. The reasons why she realized it without him even getting out her name or a single detail.  

It made his chest ache and had his self-loathing kicking up into the worst it’d been in a while.  

None of this was fair to her, he knew that, but there was no undoing what he’d learned earlier that day. Now that he knew Maggie existed, he refused to go back. He had another daughter, and he intended to be in her life as much as possible. The thought of losing out on even more time was enough to give him the courage to tell the truth.  

“Yes,” he managed, “I did.”  

She pressed her lips into a thin line. “Okay, but...I don’t really want to hear it, Billy.” Then, her voice got softer. “I understand. And I promise, I love you. No matter what.”  

It occurred to Billy that she might’ve believed he cheated on her. And he did, only it was years ago, instead of earlier that day. Though, well, sometimes it didn’t feel as much in the past as it should. All of it made his stomach churn. Just the idea that Cam seemed to have expected it from him now, might not even have missed a beat at the thought or wanted to entertain discussing it, made him hate himself even more. As if she was resigned to it, and all that it would mean and not mean at the same time. Not to mention, it erased all the years of work he’d done. For her and Jules. It made him understand that he was never going to be truly good, even if he tried for twenty, thirty, forty years.  

“We should sit down,” he told her.  

It took her a second to accept that he wouldn’t take a no, but eventually, they both went into the living room and took seats next to one another on the couch.  

“Before you say it,” Cam said. “I want you to be certain.”  

And that was the thing: Billy was certain. More than he’d ever been about almost anything else. The love he had for Julia and Maggie, his daughters, was special. It was a third duty and third an honor and the last third...Well, it was a feeling he didn’t entirely know how to describe. All he knew about it was that it changed him, forever, from the moment he met Julia and then the moment he knew Maggie was his. It was one that wasn’t ever going away.  

So, yeah, Billy knew exactly what he was doing when he replied, “I am. And...” He swallowed. “I am also certain of the fact that I have a four-year-old daughter. With Daisy.”  

Cam’s face was unreadable, which wasn’t completely different from how she looked during almost all of their tense, quiet fights. The ones they dismissed as quickly as they reared up. Still. He was nervous. Because by admitting to her that he and Daisy...He was opening up the possibility that Cam would realize that he wasn’t worth shit. That he never has been. And then she’d take Julia and leave, and he’d never see either one of them again. Not only because Camila wouldn’t allow it, but because Billy deserved to be alone, to lose Julia for the choices he made in the past.  

“Cam—”  

Because he had to try.  

“No,” she interrupted. “Just...don’t say anything.”  

He nodded and knew she needed time, and while it drove him crazy during their other fights, she deserved it, this time.  

“Are you sure she’s—”  

“Yes.” His voice was a whisper but didn’t include a single drop of doubt.  

His belief in his decision to be a part of Maggie’s life held firm, even against Cam’s unsaid wishes.  

Her bottom lip trembled, but it only lasted for a few seconds before she got control over it and looked away from him. She stared at a photo of the two of them with Julia when she was five, on her first day of school. They’re so happy, even though Billy thought that might’ve been the day after one of their worst fights they'd ever had. And, of course, even though they never said her name, even though neither one of them never would've allowed it to go there and let the fight cut as deep as it warranted, it was about Daisy.  

Billy waited. He wanted to give Camila as much time as possible to handle this. To realize this was happening, and one way or the other, she had to find a way to handle it.  

Because Maggie was going to start kindergarten next Fall, and there wasn’t a chance in hell he was going to miss it.  

The thought helped make him feel less dizzy with self-loathing and a desire to do something in order to sweep this all away, to have never hurt Cam in the first place. Thinking of Maggie made him accept that he couldn’t do that. Even if it meant hurting Cami and Julia now. They deserved the truth, and more than that, Billy wanted to tell them the truth for Daisy and Maggie, too. The only thing that was going to make it so they could all get through this was honesty.  

Which, well, was easier said than done. Especially for him. Especially when it came to Daisy and Cam and him and the mess that he’d created between the three of them. He didn’t want this to be the situation, he wished, by doing the right thing, he didn’t have to hurt the people he loved even more. There was no other way out, and even if it was helpless sometimes, he couldn’t allow himself to drown in that feeling.  

He had to find a way for his daughters. He didn’t have another choice.  

“Okay,” she finally decided. She looked back at him, reached out and grasped his hand in her own. “We can handle it.”  

It made him weak and wrong, but he needed her reassurance right then. The kind that told him he wasn’t entirely not worth saving. He also needed to know that she wouldn’t gather Julia and the life he’d helped her build and run off in the middle of the night. If Camila was willing to stay and let him do everything in his power to make things right again, then maybe his whole life wasn’t fucked.  

Then she said, “I forgive you, Billy.”   

It surprised him, it’d been the last thing he expected, particularly since she granted him a reprieve just moments before. He figured that it’d be at least two weeks in the guest bedroom and frosty touches and just enough love to keep him hanging on but never enough to convince him he wasn’t still a bad person. Doomed to be one for however long she needed him to be and until she decided he was worthy to her and Jules again.  

Instead, she looked at him with comfort and love and every single thing that he didn’t realize their marriage had been lacking a bit until now.  

“I forgive you,” she repeated, and smiled a bit. “I love you and you love me, and I want our life still so...” She nodded. “We will get through this part.”  

He didn’t know what to say, what there was that he could’ve said. All he really knew was that he should’ve felt an overwhelming sense of relief or gratitude. But he didn’t. Maybe because she was making him feel like she thought Maggie was a temporary hurdle they had to jump over. And, once they did, things were going to go back to the way they were.  

But they couldn’t, not now, and perhaps even worse, Billy didn’t want them to, Maggie mattered too much. She wasn’t an obstacle or hardship. She certainly made things complicated but that wasn’t her fault. He’d already decided he was never going to make her feel like it was, that he’d do everything he could to make her life as good and balanced and happy as possible.  

Camila didn’t want to hear any of that though, and so, while it had him questioning his choices for the next few weeks, he didn’t fight her on it. How could he have? Of course, there were a million different replies to that, but he tuned them out. Instead, he simply held onto her hand and assured her that they’d be okay.  

It wasn’t until later that night, when the two of them were lying in bed and he was trying to fall asleep, he remembered he never actually said he was sorry.  

It’s almost been a full year since Warren’s wedding and the day his world shifted. 

One of the most difficult and shocking years of his life, surely, and yet...One of his favorites. Maybe even one of the happiest, though that feels like it should be more difficult for him to admit.  

But he knows the truth, and it’s a simple one. 

He isn’t sorry he and Daisy had sex. He isn’t sorry she got pregnant and decided to stay that way. He isn’t sorry that Maggie exists, or that, as days go by, the three of them feel more and more like a real family. 

Billy isn’t sorry. About any of it.  

1983  

Summer  

On the year anniversary of Warren’s wedding, Daisy thinks about how much her life has changed since then, and even if there have been plenty of times she’s doubted it, she knows it’s for the better. 

Not just for the better maybe, but for the best. 

Just thinking it makes her heartbeat quicken and some old anxieties spark, but she’s been working on moving through those. Not ignoring them or blocking them out with any number of coping mechanisms she’s learned in rehab and since then, but rather, feeling it, and then finding a way through it. Most of the time, even if it’s only a slight reprieve, it makes her able to see things more clearly. 

Her therapist tells her that this might be the best she can do for herself, right now. Even if she wants everything to be better immediately, she listens, and holds onto the thought. Finds her way through her emotions and builds a steady trust between herself and Billy. A fragile one, but it’s also equally hopeful.  

There are some good days and some bad ones, but the Summer of '83 is turning out to be almost entirely good ones. 

With school being out and Camila still working, Billy brings Julia to LA every week, sometimes even two or three days in a row. Maggie adores her and Julia entertains her in return and seems to have taken to being a big sister in a way that even surprises Billy sometimes. But in a good way, he makes sure to tell Daisy. In return, she feels light and easy and as if things might really work out alright. Even if their lives look a little less normal than everyone else’s, that’s never been a concern for her.

Even if she and Camila still haven’t had a real conversation since Julia’s birthday party. 

Daisy wonders if their phone call from years ago still hangs heavy over Camila, too, or if it’s just her. Because she thinks about it, maybe too much. Enough that it makes her a little crazy, or as if she is remembering it all wrong. But she doesn’t think she is, she doesn’t think she could ever forget what Camila said to her.  

But she does decide, with no small amount of care and conversations with Teddy, to not tell Billy. He doesn't agree, but he lets her win, anyway. 

It might make her weak or selfish, but also...She doesn’t want to put that burden on Billy. She won’t hurt him more than she already has by keeping Maggie from him for over four years or have him questioning his marriage, the one she can see he still needs so desperately. There’s more to it than that. No shit. She’s scared that if he knew about the phone call...He’d do something they’d all regret. And something that would only make her more heartbroken over him. 

At Julia’s birthday party, Camila asked her, “Please, Daisy. We’ve done it before...Will you help me keep him and my daughter safe?” 

Fucking hell. How could she have said no to that? 

So, while it’s an awful choice, she doesn’t see how she can ever make a different one. 

At least she can hold on tight to the good days now and use them as an excuse to continue to keep her and Camila’s secret. 

This week, Bernie and Simone are in town to scout for talent at the club. Bernie loves the beach, and it is Daisy’s backyard, so they go. Warren and Lisa have driven up to join, too. Most importantly, Billy’s here and Maggie hasn’t stopped smiling since his car pulled into the driveway. It makes Daisy’s thoughts of how everything could go wrong ease up slightly. 

Billy is weighed down by beach chairs and bags and bags of toys and while it’s funny, she also feels bad. Daisy helps him by taking a chair after he almost falls for the second time since they left her house. And it isn’t more than a ten-minute walk from it to where they usually set up on the beach.  

“Thanks, but I had it,” he says. 

She rolls her eyes. “I’m sure you did.” 

“You’re an ass,” he shoots back, and she laughs. “I do copious amounts of hard labor for you and Maggie and freakin' Warren, and this is how you repay me: by doubting my abilities to do so.” 

She snorts. “Oh yeah, because obviously, you were built to carry enough beach necessities for a small army. And it’s not as if I just watched you nearly eat shit twice.” She grins. “My mistake. I won’t offer my help again.” 

Daisy goes as far as to pretend as if she’s going to put the beach chair that she took back on his shoulder, and he huffs outs, “Okay, okay. You win. I do need your help.”

“Ha!” she gloats. “I so knew it.” 

“I—” 

“No, no,” she cuts him off. “You won’t be ruining this for me. Billy Dunne admitted to me that he needs help. This is a win for the ages, and no take backs.” 

He groans. “You’re insufferable.” 

It only makes her smile wider. “Oh, I know.” And before she can second-guess it, she adds, “But you need me. So, my being insufferable is completely your burden to bear.”

She doesn’t realize her mistake until he looks at her, the way he did the night they had sex. 

It terrifies her. It makes her grow wings. It makes her regret saying anything at all.  

But then...He shrugs. “Okay. I guess you have a point.” 

She stops walking abruptly, watches him as he takes a few steps ahead of her. It doesn’t make sense. Because she isn’t supposed to say things like that, and he isn’t supposed to look at her like that and then is most definitely not meant to just...Accept it. Play it off easy. Not as if it’s nothing, but rather, as if it’s just a simple fact. Another ordinary part of their lives.  

She wants it to be, of course. How couldn’t she? But wanting something and actually getting it...Those two things have never gone hand-in-hand for her. Not where Billy is concerned, at least.  

There are many dreams she still has left, for herself and Maggie, but...Having Billy? Truly having him? That is not one of them. It almost killed her ruin that hope and let it go, but she managed. And it cannot come back to life now just because she sees him nearly every single day after years of lonely quiet.  

Nothing can ever happen between the two of them, nothing ever will, especially now that he’s back in her life and loves Maggie and Daisy needs everything to be okay.  

He notices she isn’t next to him and turns around to face her. His expression reveals so much and yet absolutely nothing at the same time. All it really does is make her even more certain she’ll need to exert all the self-control she has fought to earn since she found out she was pregnant. 

“What?” he asks. “Did I...” He searches her face for an answer, and she’s scared of what he finds. It hardly matters. They both know he should never finish that sentence. Only... “I’m sorry, if I did.” 

It’s somehow worse. 

“You didn’t,” she says quickly, even if she doesn’t know if that’s the truth.  

She wonders if, even with Maggie, they’ll ever find a way to stop...Whatever exists between them. This endless need to have and touch and feel and need. They really, really should find a way to, and she’s only more convinced of it by the look on Billy’s face. Before Warren’s wedding, she didn’t think he ever looked at her like this. Now, she wonders if she lied to herself nearly as much as Billy did, back then. 

It doesn’t matter anymore, or it can’t. But it did. At one point, the way Billy looked at Daisy might’ve meant more to her than anything else in the entire world. 

Now, there is Maggie. 

Their daughter forces Daisy to think about protecting Maggie's heart first. Maybe Billy’s heart, too. Her heart is dead last, but still counts. Because there’s only heartbreak and doom and caged obligations down the road that leads to her and him.  

It’s difficult to swallow it, and he sees it all in the moment before she adds, “Come on, we’ve got to catch up. Maggie is very serious about sandcastles, and if we don’t set things up right, her artistic vision will bring us all to our knees.” 

Billy laughs. “I can definitely see that happening.” 

They both try to make things simple, for Maggie and everyone else and perhaps even themselves, but... 

Billy’s eyes linger on her chest when she unties the top strap while she lays down on her towel. She can’t bring herself to tear her own gaze away from his arms when he picks up Maggie and carries her, as she erupts into endless giggles and squeals, out to the water. Billy and Daisy help Maggie build a sandcastle and when she leans across him for a shovel, she hears him suck in a sharp breath, and isn’t sure he ever releases it. And how can she judge him when asks him, oh so innocently, to rub some sunscreen into her shoulders? She shivers at the way his callouses rub against her bare skin, remembering how they felt other places, too. 

Simone watches her and Billy carefully and Bernie tries to conceal her laughter and Warren shakes his head and Lisa rolls her eyes. And Daisy or Billy should care. They really should. But even though he never says a word to her about it, she knows that he doesn’t care. Not one bit. 

Which makes her even more certain that she’s the most foolish girl to ever exist. 

When Maggie is perhaps the most exhausted that Daisy’s ever seen her, Billy carries her back while the rest of them deal with their beach gear.  

“You want to wake her to wash off the sand?” Billy asks when they get back to her house. 

She shakes her head and whispers, “Nah, she’s having good dreams, I can tell. Besides, it’s just sand, you know?” 

He looks at her as if what she's just said is no small marvel, and she wonders if he doesn’t know. If sand isn’t just sand in his house. She can’t stop herself from hoping that it’s different for her, in her home with Maggie, and now, him, too. The thought is dangerous, but after their day together, she welcomes it. 

They stand at the bottom of her stairs for another second before she forces herself to look away, and he takes Maggie up to her bedroom.

Daisy does the dishes in a vain attempt to get herself together. The hope that she will crumbles into pieces the second she hears Billy come down the steps. It turns to dust when she can feel and, fuck, smell him standing behind her. She presses on by aggressively scrubbing a coffee mug so hard she thinks she may break it.  

“I don’t think I ever thought about you doing the dishes,” he says. 

She tightens her grip on the mug, as if it could grant her the ability to end this conversation before it’s even begun. 

Only, his tone is welcoming and teasing and filled with something that neither of them can acknowledge, but know that the other feels it, too. 

Daisy sets the mug down, turns around and wipes her soapy hands on a dishtowel.  

“Did you really doubt me so much?” she asks, raising her brows. 

“I...Well, I mean, it just didn’t seem like you’d ever done it before or thought it warranted your time. Maybe especially, I imagined it wasn’t something you had the patience for,” he jokes. 

She scoffs. “You’re such a jerk.” At the annoyed look on his face, she grins. “You’re right though, of course. I couldn’t, not at first,” she goes on. “Teddy and Simone put me through something Bernie fondly refers to as Real Person Bootcamp when I got out of rehab.” 

Something in his eyes shifts at that. 

“I’m glad I’m sober. I wasn’t always, at first, but I knew, if I was going to be the kind of mother I wanted to be, the one Maggie deserved, then I needed to find a way to make peace with it.”  

She lets him see she truly means every word, too. Maybe there were times where all she wanted was a drink or her pills. But Maggie makes every hard step feel effortless. She used to think that being sober would be so heavy, and sometimes, it is. But most of the time, she’s so goddamn happy, she doesn’t miss a single second of when her life was felt in the vivid color that she and the people she loves have painted it. 

“My life is good.” She sighs and admits, “A little crazy and messy, but I don’t think I’d have it any other way.” 

“No, I don’t think you would,” he agrees. He pauses. “I’m happy for you, Daisy. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” 

And she can hear that he means that, too. 

Even if there’s an asterisk attached. Because there is something else that he wanted for her, too. Maybe something he wanted even just for himself. But any whispered, pleading chances of that were killed on an October night in Chicago.  

“Thanks,” she settles on.

It's a safe reply, she believes. 

But then Billy swallows and takes a step towards her. He was already close, so now, she could reach out and touch him without much effort. She looks up at him. She is helpless and small and doomed to love Billy Dunne until she finds a way out of it by some miracle. At least this time, he looks just about the same.

He takes a steadying breath, and it’s only then that she notices it’s been uneven for a while now. She doesn’t know how long, maybe the whole time they’ve been in the kitchen together. Hate and love fill her up and up and up and then her feelings spill out all over the tiles. 

In the end, she looks away, at the clock on the wall. 

“You should probably be getting home to Camila and Julia.” 

The words feel bitter and heavy on her tongue. 

“Daisy—” he starts. 

She makes herself look back at him. “I’m just...I’m tired.” 

Perhaps in more ways than the one she meant to convey when she said it. 

It’s too much. It reveals too much and makes her feel too much and she can hear exactly what she’s feeling and knows that he does, too, maybe even before she did. With those few words, she offers up even more pieces of herself when she didn’t even think it was possible for him to hold any more of her in his safe, open hands. 

But Billy isn’t safe.

Except no, that’s not right, either. Not at all. It’s her being in love with Billy that isn’t. Because Billy loves fiercely and with an endless, anchored dedication. Billy is a good person and an even better father. He is every bit the man she fell for and who changed her and saved her, in every way, and yet, he’s become an even better version of himself, over the years.  

Billy is safe. 

Daisy’s the dangerous one.  

Her love is unmoored and a raft on a raging, stormy sea. She isn’t convinced she’s a good person and sometimes, even as she tries with every single bit of herself, she worries she is not even a good mom. She might still be the person who fell in love and lost and drove herself over the edge again and again before she found out she was going to have Maggie. And she may never find a way to be anything more. 

He nods. “I understand.” 

“Thank you,” she responds, even as a piece of her wishes he’d push against it. 

But he doesn’t. He leaves, and she is by herself. To let the old wounds that she’s reopened for him hit open air. She paces around her house, not trusting herself to try to sleep. Not because she thinks she won’t be able to, but rather, she's afraid of what she’ll dream of once she does.  

A whole life that she can never have or touch or even hold close enough to make any of the details stick for longer than the dream lasts. 

Billy loves Maggie and might, inexplicably, still want Daisy. But that doesn’t erase Camila’s words when she told her she was pregnant. Camila’s pleas for Daisy to not ruin Julia’s life, Billy’s life, with the knowledge that Maggie could be his. But Maggie is Billy’s daughter, and there’s no undoing that. 

She still wants to keep Billy and Julia and even Camila safe, somehow. She wants that for Maggie, too. So, even if it kills her, she’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.  

Even if it means she’ll love Billy, all alone, for the rest of her life. 

Chapter Text

Maggie’s first day of kindergarten arrives, and it turns out that pretty much everyone is prepared, except Billy.  

He remembers Julia’s vividly, not only because of the fight he and Cam had the day before, but it was a tough day for her. While she smiled brightly for the pictures Camila took, her demeanor changed the second he pulled into the school parking lot. Jules was nervous, and he had to reassure her a few times that he’d be back in only a couple of hours. Do his best, without Cami (who had to work), to convince her that it would all be okay, and she would make friends and learn and have fun. That he wanted to hear all about it later. Still, she didn’t completely let him leave until she shed a few quiet tears, her hand clinging onto his until the last second.  

Julia and Maggie are very different kids, but he does expect some theatrics when they drop her off this morning.  

She was raised by Daisy, after all. 

He’s getting better at thinking about the four or so years he missed without his anger flaring up. Time and Daisy’s work to let him in and to be Maggie’s father go a long way. God knows it isn’t perfect, and neither is he, but Daisy’s trying her best. He’s sure of it. So, all he can do in return is give her and Maggie the same commitment.  

It doesn’t help that there’s so much that weighs on him and Daisy from the past, and as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, so much that exists between them even now. He wants to win the battle against the pull he feels to touch her, be close to her, in every way, but it’s easier said than done, most days. She notices. How could she not? And yet, she never acknowledges it. Not even to tease him. It convinces him that, even if she doesn’t want to, she feels their familiar, dangerous, all-consuming connection as strongly as he still does, too.  

Which spells out only disaster, but he can’t walk away, not with Maggie in the picture.  

He drives up to Daisy’s house, and when he parks, he wonders how sustainable their current set-up is. He’s been sleeping in the guest bedroom of his and Cam’s house for almost a year now, but Jules needs him for the soccer carpool and she’s finally trying out for the play this year and he doesn’t want to miss the years he has left before high school. That doesn’t mean he wants to lose out on time with Maggie though, which makes any possible solution that would inflict the least amount of damage feel out of reach.  

No matter what happens, someone loses, and he would accept that being him, but even in that, he still feels like he hurts one of his daughters or Daisy.  

He just barely makes it out of the car before Maggie runs straight at him. He swings her into the air, and she giggles. When he sets her down, Daisy’s locking the front door. She has Maggie’s sparkly blue (her current favorite color) backpack in one hand and a lunchbox in the other.  

She comes over towards them. “Thank God, you’re here, Billy. Mags insisted that she’d never go if you didn’t take her today.” 

A warm satisfaction blooms in his chest. Finding a way for him and Daisy to be a family with Maggie and Julia and even Cam isn’t simple, most of the time. It feels impossible, some days. But today it is, and he’s so damn grateful.  

He looks down at Maggie. “Is that so?” 

She nods. “Mommy said that you wouldn’t miss it!” 

Billy grins. “Not for anything.” 

“Told you,” Daisy says to Maggie. 

“Can we please go now?” Maggie asks.  

Daisy looks at him and laughs.  

Billy doesn’t know how it’s possible to be this happy, but then again, he knows that being a father is just about the best thing that ever happened to him. Even with all the complications and the doubts he still has about himself, he wouldn’t trade it for anything. Becoming a dad saved his life, in so many ways.  

“You bet,” he adds, “and since it is your first day of school, I think you get control of the radio, too.” 

Maggie practically jumps up and down. “I know what song I want first.” 

Daisy smirks. “Oh, I think I know, too.” 

Billy holds back a groan. 

He gets Maggie into her car seat and then puts on the dreaded Look Me in the Eye. Part of him wishes there was a recording of the version that him and Daisy sang at Diamond Head. It would at least force her into being a victim of embarrassment, too.  

As he pulls out of her driveway, Daisy grins at whatever expression he’s wearing. “Come on, you had to have seen this coming.” 

Billy admits, “Yeah, but I was hoping that she’d found a different song to dedicate her undying love to.” 

Daisy looks in the rearview mirror where Maggie is waving her arms, mouthing all the lyrics to the song. “That’s likely.” 

And even though this kind of thing should drive him nuts, it doesn’t. Maybe because Maggie loves this song, and in hearing his voice, she’s been connected to him before they ever met. Before he even knew she existed. He hasn’t asked Daisy why or how she decided to play his, and the rest of the band’s, music for Maggie. If he’s being honest, he’s a little scared of her answer. Of what led her to allow their daughter to have that small piece of him in her life, but not the full presence he deserved. There’s another fear, too, as much as he doesn’t want to acknowledge it. 

That Daisy might’ve wanted to have Billy stay in her past, but that she couldn’t completely let go, either. 

What makes the thought even worse is...Billy wants it to be true. 

It’s both a fear and a hope and dooms him to even more longing and pain. He doesn’t wish that for Daisy, but then, he knows a piece of him does . Because he doesn’t want to be alone in this, in still wanting her and needing her and questioning his entire life and every goddamn choice he’s ever made whenever she looks at him.  

He’s saved from spinning out entirely by Maggie requesting an Elvis Costello & the Attractions song next. Daisy gives him a look that tells him she sees him. She always could. Even though he’s uncomfortable by it, maybe even wishes it would go away sometimes, it knows it’s bringing him back to a part of himself that’s been long dormant. 

“Do you think I’ll make friends?” Maggie asks. 

“Of course,” Daisy replies, turning so she can look at her. “Who wouldn’t want to be your friend?” 

She grins at that, but isn’t entirely convinced, until Billy adds, “Jules was scared about the same thing. But she’s got lots of friends.” 

It’s true these days, at least. Shortly after her birthday, she made up with the friends she’d been fighting with, which brought more ease to their house. Her happiness makes all the difference to Billy and Cam’s marriage. He thinks that even if it’s hard right now, they’re doing the right thing by staying together. 

Maggie chews her bottom lip. “Really?” 

Billy glances in the rearview mirror briefly. “Really, really.” 

He’s found that the repetition of that word reassures Maggie more than almost anything else. Daisy told him she isn’t sure exactly why, but it’s stuck. At first, Billy struggled to find the time and place to use it, but he’s an expert now. 

At that, Maggie’s fear does appear to lessen, and she goes back to demanding certain songs for him to play. 

But when Billy drives into a parking lot, it isn’t her or Daisy who gets nervous. It’s him. He doesn’t know exactly where it comes from, and it’s made more intense that he doesn’t anticipate it in the least. Since he’d done this before with Julia, he didn’t think he’d lose it. Plus, school is good for kids. It’s an important part of growing up, he knows that, only he can’t fight off the way his chest tightens at the thought of something going wrong for Maggie. 

With Julia, he was there for her life leading up to dropping her off, so even though it made her scared, he knew she could do it. That he’d see her in a few hours, and everything would be okay. But with Maggie, everything still feels fragile and new to Billy, and he knows most of it is his fault, that Daisy hasn’t done anything since before last Christmas to make him believe she’ll take Maggie away. Still, the feeling lingers.  

“It’s gonna be okay,” Daisy says as they walk up to the school building. Billy nods, and she bumps her shoulder against his arm. “She can do this.” Then she pauses. “And if you want, you can spend the day here and pick her up with me.” 

The offer isn’t a light one, and even if he knows he should probably say no, for the preservation of himself and his marriage, he smiles. 

“I’d like that.” 

As they walk through the school, Maggie looks around in wonder. Every detail is precious and new. Billy uses it to remind himself that she’ll be fine here, that she’s supposed to be excited. She’ll start taking the bus next week, but Daisy and Billy thought it was best for her to jump into that once she had time to adjust.  

Only, this time, he’s the one who doesn’t want to let go of his kid’s hand when he drops her off at her classroom.  

Maggie looks Daisy, who nods encouragingly. And then, without a single second of tears or hesitation or any fanfare, Maggie lets go of Billy’s hand and follows another kid into the room. She turns back once, and Billy has to force a smile. Daisy waves. Maggie does it back, and then she’s gone.  

Daisy puts a hand on his arm, just a brief touch, but it lasts long after she takes her hand away. They walk away together. Daisy tells him that Maggie’s going to kill it, and he tries to believe it. Except, just as they exit the school building, he does something he hasn’t done in a while...He feels his mouth twist and throat get tight and tears prick his eyes. 

He’s very proud of himself for having such restraint to at least make it to his car before he really starts crying. 

He does everything he can to get himself together, least of all before anyone sees him , but the harder he fights against it, the harder the tears come. At least they’re quiet, no big sobs. But he can’t remember the last time he ever cried like that, he ever let it all out. Maybe that’s a bad sign, but he doesn’t let himself think about it, especially right now, when he’s doing his best to stop all the crying. 

It doesn’t help that Daisy finds it oh so amusing. She’s doing her best to reign it in, but Billy sees her biting her cheek and trying not to laugh. He regains some control and sniffs a few times. Her lips quirk up.  

Once he’s able to, he huffs out, “You’re an asshole.” 

She snorts. “Maybe, but you’re a softie.” He makes a face that and she laughs. When he doesn’t reply, she adds, “You can’t really be surprised, can you?”  

He frowns. “What do you mean?” 

Her brows furrow and he can tell she thinks that he’s fucking with her for a second, but then, she realizes he’s serious, and her expression shifts. She swallows and her eyes turn sad. She looks away and the back at him, and it’s worse because she doesn’t want to believe what he’s said about himself. She wants more, or at least, a different truth. There’s just the smallest hint of pity, one he knows she’s fighting not to show. He hates the look on her face and hates himself for putting it there.  

“Daisy—” he starts. 

She interrupts him, “I thought...I mean...” She takes a breath and a step closer to him. “It’s okay to be soft, Billy. Even if it’s only sometimes. God knows it isn’t easy for either one of us, but...There’s strength in being soft. You know that, right? That it’s good for you?” 

He doesn’t have a response to that, or maybe he does, but certainly not one she wants to hear. In the end, it doesn’t matter that he can’t say the words. She knows exactly what they are anyway. 

“Billy, it is a good thing. Especially when it comes to your kids. And you are capable of it, you showed me just now. And I don’t want you to believe that it’s a weakness or something to hide, even from me. Maybe you can’t show the whole world yet, but you should at least be able to show me, right? And Maggie and Julia?” 

He allows her words to truly impact them, instead of blocking them out, as his head wants to, to ignore and ignore and pretend that she doesn’t understand in the way she claims to. But his heart won’t let him block her out. Because he does want to still be known by her and do the same for her. A part of that, of them, is revealing more than they do to anyone else. If he stops that now, he won’t just hurt himself, but her, too. He’ll create a barrier that they may never be able to bridge. He may want a lot of things when it comes to Daisy, but he doesn’t want that. 

Not yet. Not until they both have no other choice. And he’s really hoping that day never comes again. 

Because he barely survived losing her, he wouldn’t ever survive losing her and Maggie. 

He works his jaw. “Yeah,” he allows. “I know.” 

Of course, it’s far from enough for her. 

“Billy, no,” she starts, “I know when you’re lying. At least, I do when it comes to this.”  

He frowns, and wonders what she means by that, but there’s no space to ask.  

“You may believe that you don’t deserve to be soft or vulnerable or something else, but you do. Not just for yourself, either. For your kids. Because they need to see it, and feel it, too. I know you want to be that for them. I know how much you love them. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t show them and everyone else how much.” 

Even though he knows she’s right and there’s no winning this or escaping it, he wants to deny it anyway. It might make him the worst kind of person, to not want to be vulnerable with his own kids and family. To want to convince himself that to be a good father, he doesn’t need to be. Daisy knows better, she always has, and she isn’t going to let him lie his way out of this one. 

“I just...” He pauses, gathers up some of his belief that he even gets to admit to it. “I convinced myself that I can't be, not if I’m going to be who they deserve and need me to be.” 

She nods. “I understand.” 

That’s the thing, too, he knows that she does, better than anyone else. 

“I don’t want to hurt them or make them hate me or feel like they don’t deserve absolutely everything. That I’m weak.” 

It feels monumental to say the words out loud. He has before, in what feels like a million years ago, to Camila. 

Daisy sighs, but it’s sympathetic, the kind that tells him she knows all the things he’s still too scared to admit. “I know, but if you don’t let yourself feel it all, if you try to be perfect all the time, then you really won’t be the person they need. I want, and they do too, for you to be yourself. They want their dad, and they’re so lucky to have you as one.”  

“And if I fuck it all up? If I ruin it?” he asks. 

He thinks her answer will be similar to Cam’s, only... 

“You won’t,” she says. “Or you will, and we’ll deal with it. But Billy...I know you. I know what you feel and think and how much you love Maggie and Julia. No matter what happens, no matter how you fail—or I fail, too—I am positive that you won’t ruin it. Not in the way you’re thinking. Because you aren’t doomed to be your dad. You’ve already left all of that behind.”  

She lets out a slow breath and goes on, “But if you do shut them out in order to protect them, then you could fuck it all up. Because you’d be distant from the two little people who need and love you unconditionally. And I don’t want that for Maggie, or you. I want so much more for you and her and Julia, too. Because you all deserve it.” 

Billy isn’t sure he knows what to do with that. With that kind of faith in him. Because it isn’t a blind faith, not in the way it sometimes feels like with Cami. It’s the kind that acknowledges the parts of himself he still tries to hide from. But instead of rejecting them, Daisy embraces them, telling him that he isn’t just his flaws. That he has the power to change, to give Maggie and Julia the love and care he didn’t receive from his own father. 

He wishes he could offer a better, stronger reply, but even though he’s a writer, has always been a writer, there are no words that can express how much what she’s said means to him. What she means to him. This reassurance, this kindness, it could only ever come from her.  

So, he does the only thing he can think to do, he pulls her close and wraps his arms around her, keeping her in his arms, and knowing he will for as long as she allows.  

She tucks her face into the crook of his neck. They should have more control, more understanding of their situation and the fact that they’re in public. But he needs this, needs her, consequences be damned. 

Finally, Daisy has the good sense to pull away, and he lets his arms drop down back to his sides. 

She smiles and asks, “You still want to spend the day here?” She adds, quickly, “I understand if you can’t.” 

There are about a million reasons why he shouldn’t. And yet. 

“Yeah, I still do.” 

Her grin lights up her whole face, and he fails stop the way it brightens his own.  

“Where do you want to go?” he asks when they pull out of the parking lot. 

“Well,” she scrunches up her nose, “I’m kind of booked to record today at Sound City.” Just the idea of going back to that place makes him nervous, and she reads it immediately. “I can blow it off.” 

The thing is that he knows she would, if that’s what he wanted. But she’s been working on her second solo album since before he came back into her life. She already put it on hold long enough so that the two of them could get used to parenting Maggie together. As much as he isn’t sure he’s strong enough to return to Sound City, and everything it represents, he doesn’t want to hold her back even more. There’s more to it than just her though.  

Even if he barely admits it to himself, he misses that place. All it brought to him and everything he put into it. He misses the simultaneous high and peace it gave him. He misses music. 

So, he turns onto the highway that will take them to Sound City.  

Daisy is surprised. “Are you sure?” 

He nods. “I think so.” 

It’s not neat or tidy, but it’s the best he can offer. She accepts it without questioning him further, just lets the uncertainty exist and sit between them. In the seventies, this kind of thing drove him nuts, how she didn’t need things to be wrapped up and resolutely decided or in perfect order. But after going so long without it, he realizes how much it became a good thing to him, and how much he’s missed it. 

He parks in the spot he used to, the same way he did on November 9th, 1975, almost eight years ago now.  

She bounds out of the car, and he follows. Just being in this place changes her, and him, too. It brings out a life in them that no other place truly can. There’s a magic and timelessness to it all, even as he notices some small changes and differences.  

When he and Daisy walk through the lobby and into the room where they recorded AURORA, he does feel a prickle of fear. He isn’t the person who created those songs, who sang them with Daisy here. As much as he wants to separate himself from it, that would only hurt Daisy, and he doesn’t want to do that. So, he forces himself to feel it all. 

She turns to him. “It’s been a while.” She admits, “It’s a little crazy or weird or...I don’t know. I’m not used to having you here, I think.” 

Billy can relate to the weirdness of it. “You do want me here though, right?” 

Even if he thinks he knows the answer, he still needs to hear it from her. 

She smiles. “Yes, Billy. I want you here...Maybe more than I should.” 

There’s no time for him to react to that, because then Teddy, Tobias and Warren walk in.  

“Billy?” Warren asks. “I didn’t know you were coming to the session.” 

Things are getting easier between them, too. Billy becoming a part of their lives after so long was never going to be simple, but Maggie makes it even more so. He and Teddy still haven’t truly discussed it. How much more Teddy knows (and he does know more, of that, Billy is certain) and why he kept it all a secret from him for years. Warren’s more than happy to be back in his life, at least. And even through the lingering hints of broken trust, Billy really does believe they can be brothers again, one day. 

“It’s Maggie’s first day of school,” Daisy explains, “and Billy let me drag him here.” 

It gives him more grace than he probably deserves, but he feels that it isn’t just for his benefit. Everyone’s protective of Daisy, and Maggie, for reasons he still doesn’t completely understand. But he senses it enough he bets it has a lot to do with Chicago. And More Fun To Miss. And...Well. The list goes on. He’s doing his best to not be bothered by it, especially when there were times he was in just as much pain as Daisy. But Warren was right, Billy pulled away and Daisy stayed a part of their family, and that makes a difference.  

Teddy smiles. “That’s good. We could use his ear.” 

Billy shakes his head. “Thanks, but that’s not why I’m here, Teddy.” 

He does his best to mask his disappointment. “Oh, well that’s alright. You’re always welcome here anyway.” 

Billy wishes he could give Teddy what he wants, but he doesn’t think he has it in him to be great anymore. Not with music, at least. Especially not music with Daisy. He’ll only fuck up his life, and hers, too, even more. Everything is so delicate, precariously balanced. He’s sure, if he lets that part of himself out, he will despair at not being the musician he once was, at letting Daisy and himself and Teddy down. But if he even risks allowing a hint of that out, he knows there will be no getting it back inside. And then no one will be safe. 

He can’t let that happen, he needs to keep the people he loves safe, and that comes first, always. 

“Why are you here then?” Warren asks, and while he looks like he regrets it as soon as he does, he doesn’t walk it back. 

Daisy shoots him a look, and it’s not entirely pissed but it isn’t warm, either. “Because I invited him. I want him here.” 

Warren shrugs. “That’s good enough for me.”  

They get to work getting Daisy set up after that. Billy watches as she and Tobias joke around while he adjusts her mic. She’s always existed in the world with an ease he’s jealous of, even now.  

Warren, Teddy and Tobias head out of the recording booth, but Billy hesitates. There’s something inside of him that wants to stay. Maybe not even to actually sing with Daisy, but be close to her as she does, alone.  

“This is weird,” Daisy says around a laugh.  

Billy allows, “Yeah, a bit.” 

“Not a strictly bad kind though,” she continues, “but I do feel like you should be...” She waves a hand. “Sorry, forget it.” 

“It’s okay,” he says, “really.” 

She nods, and he hates that he can’t convince her it’s the truth. He wants to say more but knows it wouldn’t help. So, Billy turns and follows where the rest of them are waiting (and watching) from the sound booth. 

Before Teddy tells Daisy that they’re going to start, Warren looks at Billy. “I wasn’t trying to be a dick before, promise.” 

Billy responds, “I know.” 

Even if he isn’t completely sure he does. 

Warren goes to say something else, but then the previously recorded arrangements come in, and Daisy takes a breath and starts singing. Once she does, nothing else really matters to Billy. There’s a possibility that Warren even tries to say something, but he doesn’t hear it. He couldn’t, even if he wanted to—it’s simply impossible for him to remember there’s a whole world going on when Daisy Jones is singing in front of him. 

Before she came back into his life, he’d almost managed to convince himself that he wouldn’t always feel this way for her.  

Now, he knows better. 

And worse yet, he wouldn’t change it, even now. 

Maybe because...A piece of him, no matter how small, might still have some kind of wild, secret hope. The kind that only spells out disaster, but one that exists, all the same. 

While Tobias has her run through a few other songs and Warren steps in to play with the drums on them, Teddy pulls Billy aside. 

It makes him nervous, and that feeling only increases when Teddy takes him into the same storage closet where they had their first fight about Daisy. It feels like decades since then, and he guesses it almost has been one. After everything, it’s hard to imagine he didn’t want Daisy in his life, didn’t believe Teddy or in her. In what they could have together. But that’s not quite right, is it?  

He knew, even back then, that the two of them and whatever they had...It was special. 

“We have to talk about Daisy,” Teddy starts. 

Billy’s mouth goes dry, but it turns out he has more to say than he thought. “Teddy...We’re doing okay, I promise. I know you’re worried, but...I’m not going to hurt her. Or Maggie. They’re just as much of my family as Cam and Julia.” He rubs a hand across his forehead. “You’re protective of her, and I get it, but...Why aren’t you doing the same with me?” 

It’s not an easy question to ask, and he bets it’s an even harder one for Teddy to answer, but he needs to know. Maybe it won’t change anything, but at least he’d understand everyone’s hesitancy around him. Why they’re all intent on keeping Daisy and Maggie safe, even as they accept him back into their lives after he essentially abandoned them. 

Teddy nods, seems to think over his reply, like he’s unable to find the right words. Billy wonders, not for the first time, what he’s done that’s so awful, but the answer may lie in what he didn’t do. When he left that night, he didn’t allow himself to look back. Now, he wonders if he should’ve, in more ways than one. 

“There are...” Teddy trails off. “There are some things that happened that you don’t know about. Ones that Daisy didn’t want you to at the time. And she probably still doesn’t what you to, but...It’s because she wants to protect you, not that she doesn’t trust you. We all do. But it was rough, those months during her pregnancy. In a lot of ways. It’s not fair to you, but we can’t help it. That shit...It stays with us. Even as we know the two of you are doing all that you can.” 

It’s too much for Billy to take in, but he will, eventually.  

All he can think about right now is what the hell happened that made her want to protect him, that’s making her hide things from him in order to still do so. It drives him nuts, and he knows it will until he finds out.  

“You’re not gonna tell me what those things are, are you?” he asks. 

Teddy shakes his head. “It’s not for me to say. It’s Daisy’s.” 

Billy nods. “I guess it is, but...Is it important? Is it—” 

“Yes,” Teddy says. “It may just change your whole damn life.” 

Billy understands then that it doesn’t matter what it takes, what he has to do to convince Daisy to tell him, he needs to know the truth.  

Daisy and Maggie are at the park with Bernie and Simone, who are visiting for a month or two.  

Both of their schedules are flexible these days, which means they can spend more time in LA. Daisy is so happy because of it, for three main reasons. One, because it means the club is a huge success and her best friend and her partner are killing the game. Two, because Maggie cannot get enough of either one of them, brightens whenever they’re here and shower her in ice cream sandwiches and princess tea parties. And three, it gives her time to talk things through with two people who don’t see Billy as their family. 

Bernie is climbing on the jungle gym with Maggie when Simone asks, “How’re things going with him?” 

Daisy grins. “Good. Really good. I keep waiting for something to go wrong, but it’s starting to feel like it won’t.” 

Simone reaches out and takes Daisy’s hand in hers, gives it a quick squeeze before letting go. “That’s good. I’m happy to hear it.” 

But she knows that isn’t the only reason she’s brought Billy up.  

“Do you ever wonder if you should’ve told him about Maggie from the start?” 

Even though Daisy suspected it was coming, it still throws her off, and she doesn’t know exactly how to answer.  

So, she goes with the truth. “All the time. Most days, I wish I had, truly, but I can’t go back and undo it. And...” She swallows. “There are days where I remember that call with Camila, and I’m scared that even now I’m ruining his life.” 

“You aren’t,” Simone replies. “I mean, I know you’ve seen him around Maggie, how much he loves her.” 

At that, Daisy does let a smile in. “Yeah, I know. Still, it doesn’t make the state of his marriage easier or the fact that he has to juggle both us and Julia and his wife.” Simone makes a face at the last word, but she keeps going, “And it’s hard, sometimes. To be around him with our kid and accept this is all we’ll ever be.” 

Simone understands, of course. “I know it is, Daisy. But don’t think that he should know about what Camila said? To know the real reason that you didn’t tell him you were pregnant.” 

That does make her pause, because she knows Simone has a point. Billy should know the truth, and hear it from her, especially. But it’s too fucking hard to think about how she would even try to explain. And she knows, deep down, that she isn’t just afraid about how he’ll react to what the phone call did to her, but also...What it will do for their present.  

Daisy refuses to become another one of his obligations, a reason for him to find a different purpose and way to find redemption. That isn’t her job, she can’t let it be, not with Maggie to care for and protect. Even if it hurts, every single day, she knows that their current situation is what’s best for everyone.  

“I can’t.” She hates how her voice shakes. “It makes me a bad person, maybe. Or a weak one, at the very least. But I can’t.” 

It’s not the resolute, strong and even right response, but it’s the only one she can grasp onto. 

Simone thinks about it for a second before she tells Daisy, “I get it, but if you ever change your mind, you know you will always have me rooting for you to do it. The truth isn’t simple, but it does have its merits. I hope you can at least think about it.” 

And Daisy can’t say no to her best friend. “I will,” she promises, “I won’t lie and say I definitely will or that when I do, it’ll be perfect. But I will try.” 

That is good enough for Simone, and she changes the conversation to how Maggie’s doing in school, the friends she’s making and her favorite subject. Daisy tries to forget about it, convince herself she can bury it, even if it’s temporary. It doesn’t leave for the next hour. 

The only thing—the only person —who drives it away is the last one she thought she would ever see again. 

They’re all on the swings when her past catches up to her. 

“Daisy?” 

She recognizes his voice immediately, though she hasn’t given him a thought in years. 

She freezes, spins around and gets off her swing. He’s standing a few feet away, and she feels her defenses go up. As much as she doesn’t want to, she walks toward him, desperate to keep him from seeing Maggie. Simone and her meet eyes for a second, and she gives Daisy the smallest nod. 

“Nicky?” she asks. “The fuck are you...Are you really here right now?” 

It's a dumb question, because she’s looking right at him. He looks the same, just a bit older. His hairline receding a bit more. He’s not completely unattractive, but she supposes anyone can look good as they age when they’re as rich as he is, even if their souls are pieces of shit. 

“You look good,” he says.  

That sets her off because how fucking dare he? She still can’t believe he’s actually here, but she’s already fantasizing about the various ways in which she can inflict psychological torture. She’s done her best to move on and let Nicky go, but she still thinks about that night in Miami from time to time. How he was just going to let her... 

She crosses her arms over chest, gives him a searing glare. “What the hell are you doing here?” she demands. 

Whether she means in front of her, the park, LA, or the planet is anyone’s guess. It’s probably a combination of all of that and more.  

Then he does something she truly doesn’t expect, he holds up a chip. One that she remembers vividly. Because she received her own, six months after she got sober. The shiny part glints at her and she needs a moment to understand what Nicky’s doing, and why he’s here. 

“I live here,” he explains. “Have for the last seven months. I went to rehab here, and my meetings are in the community center.” He nods in the direction of the building that’s just past the park. “I can’t believe I’m seeing you.” 

She sucks at her teeth. “Well, it won’t be for fucking long.” She doesn’t look away, won’t give him that reprieve. “You should get lost, Nicky.” 

He opens his mouth and then closes it. “I’m so sorry, Daisy.” It takes her by surprise, even more so when he continues, “I never reached out because I knew you wouldn’t want to hear from me. Not even when all I wanted to do was apologize, forever, for what I did and how I treated you.” 

Nothing he says makes a dent in her resolve or even makes a single step towards making anything alright between the two of them. But she needs to get rid of him, for Maggie’s sake, at the very least. Which is the only reason she listens to a word he says. 

“And I know there is not a single thing I can say or do to make you believe that,” he takes a breath, “or make up for what I did, but when I saw you...I couldn’t run away from it. From you. Not again.” 

She nods. “Okay.” 

It’s more than he deserves, and even more than she really wants to give. 

He wants to keep going, and she dreads it, but all thoughts of dealing with more of his apologies are forgotten when Maggie comes running up to her. 

“Mommy, I’m starving . Can we have peanut butter and jelly for lunch?” she asks, not understanding what she’s doing by just being in Nicky’s eyesight. 

Daisy doesn’t look at Nicky, too frightened of what she’ll see there. The recognition or the math ticking away in his head. 

“You bet, sweetheart,” she tells her daughter. “How about you go to the car with Simone and Bernie, and I’ll meet you there, okay?” 

Maggie takes off in the direction she came from, back to Simone and Bernie, who are both wearing apologetic, concerned expressions. Daisy doesn’t blame either one of them, just shrugs. If Mags wanted to come over here, there would be no stopping her. Besides, maybe a part of her knew, the second she heard Nicky’s voice, that this was inevitable.  

Finally, she finds the courage to look back at Nicky. 

What she sees on his face sparks every bit of fear in her chest. He may not be the smartest man alive, but he knows. Somehow, without her having to hear a single word of it, he knows that Maggie might be his child. The worst part is that Daisy can’t even prove him wrong, even though she’s never really thought of Nicky as her daughter’s father. For over a year, that spot has only been filled by Billy. And she’d almost forgotten that there was still a chance that he wasn’t, that her hopes and belief and the love she feels for Billy may not be enough to change DNA.  

Nicky probably doesn’t even know there’s a possibility that Maggie could be Billy’s. 

Daisy won’t let her get hurt though, she doesn’t care what she needs to say or do. The only thing that matters is making sure she is safe and happy and far, far away from Nicky. Because even though he’s sober and apologizing to her, it doesn’t change anything he did or the person he was when they were married. 

Only there is a piece of her that points out the hypocrisy. If she welcomed Billy back into her life and Maggie’s, all because he could be a dad to her kid, then who is she to decide Nicky doesn’t deserve the same chance? She knows her answer would be hell fucking no if Nicky wasn’t sober, but... 

Doesn’t he deserve an opportunity to step up, to prove to Daisy that he has changed? 

It’s too much to handle in the span of a few minutes. Nicky’s too stunned to say a word or maybe is even granting both of them the kindness to catch up with what’s going on.  

“Daisy...Is she mine? Because if she is I—” 

“I have to go,” she cuts him off. 

He swallows. “Daisy, please.” 

She remembers the last time she heard him say those words, and winces. He notices and his lip trembles a little. She wants to turn around and leave him here and never look back. But then she sees Maggie walking to her car with Simone and Bernie, holding each of their hands in her own. 

Daisy looks back at Nicky. “You can have my number,” she decides. “But everything else...I don’t know. I don’t know if I can ever allow that.” They both know what she’s talking about. “But if I do...You’ll fucking work for it.” 

She doesn’t expect him to go along with it. In fact, she believes he’ll admit defeat. Walk away. Because that’s what he does best. He doesn’t though. 

“Alright,” he agrees, “whatever you want...However you want...I’ll do it.” 

It only takes her a minute to decide, to make the choice that her own feelings don’t matter as much as her daughter’s. Nicky hurt her, badly, but if he wants to try and show her that he’s different, then she thinks she might have to grant him at least a chance at that. 

She wants Maggie to have absolutely everything. 

So, she hands him a piece of paper with her number on it.  

“I make the rules,” she tells him. “And this isn’t a promise of anything, do you understand?” 

“Yes,” he replies. 

She shouldn’t risk letting Nicky fucking Fitzpatrick back into her life and her daughter’s. But she looks at him and remembers their wedding day. The peace and happiness it brought her. And as much as she doesn’t understand how he could do what he did, he was still the person who chose her. The very first man who made her feel like she was worth more than a night or a kiss or something to hold very close but never touch. The way Billy made her feel, both back then and, even though she doesn’t want to admit it, now, too. 

She tells herself that it isn’t the only reason she gives in, but she can’t lie and say that it isn’t a major one.  

It matters more than is good for her or Maggie or Billy. But...She’s so alone. She’s always been alone. And regardless of what he did to her...Nicky gave Daisy something Billy never wanted to, never could find the strength to do so. It shouldn’t matter, not anymore. 

But it does.

Chapter Text

Daisy needs to tell Billy she saw Nicky, and that Nicky now knows about Maggie.

She truly didn’t expect him to call, after all, Nicky’s never been one to follow through on his promises. Particularly when it comes to her. Years ago, when they were married, he went back on every last one. Especially the one where he swore no one would ever hurt her again. Because he hurt her more than almost anyone else in her entire life. Which makes her grateful that he doesn’t call the next day. Or the day after. On the third day though, she answers the phone and it’s Nicky at the other end.

“Before you hang up, please don’t,” he gets out, rushed and almost in a panic.

It makes Daisy pause just long enough for him to continue.

“I know I have no right,” he starts.

“No, you don’t,” she agrees. “You’re just about the last person on this planet who has the right.”

He swallows. “I know but...”

“But what, Nicky?” she snaps.

She can practically see the look on his face, pitiful and despairing. It doesn’t make her victorious or confident. Instead, she feels guilty. He may not deserve anything from her, or Maggie, but she doesn’t pride herself on being cruel. Not anymore. Not even to him, who might be the only one in her life who deserves it. Aside from her mother, maybe, but she hasn’t heard from her in years.

“I’m so sorry,” he begins again. This time, she allows him to go on, “I’m so sorry for what I did to you. I know I can never make it up to you, and I know why you didn’t tell me about...About her. I was a fucking asshole back then. I was scum.”

“Yes,” she says, softer, but no less resolute. “You were.”

“But I’m sober, and well, I never thought I’d have the opportunity to make amends with you. And I just...I don’t expect you to ever forgive me. But if you’ll allow it, I will wait forever for you to allow me to know my daughter.”

Against everything that should tell her otherwise, she believes him. For better and worse, she knows when Nicky is lying. She can detect it in his voice immediately. Even though she wants to act like she never married him in the first place, there was a time when she thought she knew him better than anyone. And that he knew her, too. Of course, she understands why she married him more now, but it doesn’t erase the months they spent together.

“She may not be yours,” she admits.

“Oh. I see.” He pauses and doesn’t wait for her to say it. He already knows. “She could be Billy’s.”

She finds it in herself to keep going, even if she isn’t sure she should. “Yes. He didn’t know at first, either, but he’s been in Maggie’s life for about a year and a half. And...I’m not sorry.”

In response to that, she doesn’t know what to expect, but it isn’t acceptance.

“You shouldn’t be, Daisy. I know. I think I always knew, even before I saw the two of you together. But...If there’s still a chance that she could be mine then...”

“She sees Billy as her dad.” She takes a breath. “I won’t confuse her or change that. I can’t. It’s too late, and we both understand why I did what I did. At least—”

“I do.” Nicky exhales. “I understand. I know why you didn’t tell me about her, why you probably would’ve been right to never tell me. But now that I do know...I would like to be in her life. Even if it isn’t as her dad. Even if it’s only in the way you want me to, however, that might look like.”

There’s the right thing and the easy one and the one she really wants.

None of them are the same.

The right thing is to talk to Billy, take her time, and try to think of how Nicky could ever be in her daughter’s life. The easy one would be to shut him down at full stop. To expel him from her life as quickly as he came back into it. The one she really wants is almost too complicated to think about—because what she wants is for Billy to love her back the same way she loves him. It would be for her to not even have to consider if Nicky might still love her, might be able to love her better than he did when they were married. Because she would be Billy’s. But the truth is far messier.

Except what matters most is that Daisy needs to do what is best for Maggie. She needs to put her first. No matter what that means for her. It may not even be the exact right thing, but it is the thing that feels like it is, the one that feels like the only real choice.

“I have to talk to Billy,” she decides. “He gets a say in this. And no, I don’t want to tell her you could be her father, too. I won’t do that to her, hurt her just because you’re sober and sorry and want to make amends. I think...No, I know that if I don’t at least think about this I may regret it. And I don’t want to have those when it comes to Maggie.”

It’s as honest as she wants to be with him. As much truth as he warrants. Because he hasn’t yet earned back her trust or belief or even a single thought that he might not cause her more pain. Even then, she knows she needs to give him a chance. That she has to try to do the right thing by and for Maggie, no matter if it does hurt her more in the end.

“Thank you,” Nicky breathes out. “I really can’t say it enough, and I never will. I just—”

“I have to go,” she cuts him off.

She doesn’t want to hear it all. She isn’t ready. She doesn’t know if she ever will be, but she needs to push past if she is going to actually follow through on this. On her conditional support of letting him around her daughter, to be in her life, even if it isn’t as her dad.

“I understand,” he says. “But thank you again. I know...I’ll try to earn it. I promise.”

“Okay,” she replies. It’s the best she can do. “I’ll tell Billy and depending on what he says...We’ll go from there.”

He thanks her one more time, and then she hangs up. She doesn’t look forward to the next call she has to make. Because she knows what Billy’s initial reaction will be, and she can’t say he’s wrong for it. He saw, more than anyone else, exactly how Nicky cared for her—or rather, didn’t—when they were together. And he has every right to still hate him, but Daisy knows what she wants to do. Still, she won’t act on it unless Billy goes along with it. He deserves that much.

She decides to ask him to meet her at her place while Maggie’s at school. He wants to come and hang out with her after anyway. And Daisy hopes that will help make things easier.

He sees something’s changed right away, even though she does her best to conceal her nerves.

“What’s wrong?” he asks when they’re in her kitchen.

She’s making tea to give herself something to do so she doesn’t completely give up before they’ve even begun.

Daisy leans back on the counter. “I wish it was...I don’t know...I wish this was simpler to tell you.”

He frowns. “You can tell me anything, Dais. I hope you know that. And if I did something wrong—”

She shakes her head. “No, you didn’t. And I know I can, but...This isn’t easy, is what I mean.”

The kettle boils and she pours them both cups of tea. She wishes she didn’t have to do this or that she didn’t want Nicky back in her life. But what kind of person would she be if she let Billy in but not him? She’s never been one to run from the mess, and this time can’t be any different. Even if she knows it would be easier for her and Billy if it could be different, Maggie deserves everything.

And, even though it makes her selfish, Daisy is tired of having Billy so close, but not in the way she wants him. Maybe it’s wrong to choose to let Nicky back in, but she tells herself it’ll be okay. Eventually.

There’s no delaying it any further.

“You know how Simone, Bernie, and I took Maggie to the park the other day?” He nods, and she lets out a slow breath. “We ran into someone...At first, I couldn’t believe it was him. But he’s sober now and living in LA and...He saw Maggie. I didn’t plan this, I promise, but he wants to be in her life. Or, at least, to try and see if he can.”

Billy shakes his head in disbelief, and in the end, she doesn’t need to even say Nicky’s name. “You’re not seriously thinking about saying yes, are you?”

She hesitates, and it’s all the answer he needs.

“What the fuck?” He goes on, not wasting a second, “You can’t believe that this is good, for anyone, but especially not Maggie, right?”

She doesn’t want to, but she becomes defensive. “I would never even consider it if I thought it would hurt her. I thought...I thought you at least knew that.”

“I thought I did,” he replies, and it hurts more than she expects.

No matter how complicated things are between them, she never once doubted that they both wanted what was best for Maggie. She would never tell him that she didn’t believe in him, and even if she knows he may have a right to be upset, his words sting. She wants him to take them back, but Billy has never done that, even when she’s hoped and even prayed for it.

Billy doesn’t regret what he’s said, and she thinks that’s what causes the most pain.

“That isn’t fair,” she protests. “I’m not saying he’s going to have a permanent place in our lives just like that. I told him he’s not her dad, that you are.”

She swallows thickly when his expression shifts into one of hurt at that. From his own behavior or her choice, she isn’t sure.

“Maybe you think I’m making a mistake by considering it,” she makes herself go on, “but as much as I want your approval and support here, I’m going to do what I know is good for Maggie. I always will, even if it’s hard or doesn’t make sense to you.”

“You are making a mistake.” He snaps, and then huffs. “And I don’t approve, and I don’t support it.” His tone becomes even harsher, and she wants him to stop, but they both know he won’t. “I will never understand how you can be such an idiot. Or how you can be so selfish.”

Her bottom lip trembles at the truth of it. His honesty cuts her down until she’s only a few inches off the ground. It doesn’t change her mind though. As much as she might wish otherwise, she can’t give in right now.

“We are not married or together,” her voice shakes but she forces herself to continue, “You don’t have legal rights here, Billy.” He does look stricken at that, and as much as she doesn’t want to cause him pain, she needs to push through and finish. “So, as much as I want you to believe in me and this decision, I don’t need your permission.”

He sucks at his teeth and stands. “Fine,” he allows, “but when he fucks everything up, don’t come crying to me.”

It hurts, too, more than she understands in that moment. Later, it will hit her harder.

Because there’s so much history between her and Nicky and Billy. More than she wants to acknowledge and think about now that Nicky is back in her life. As much as she does think she doesn’t need Billy’s approval, she wishes he would give it. That he’d offer unyielding belief in her. He has before, and it’s something she’s craved and clung to in the past, but this is not going to be one of those times.

She finds some hidden confidence in herself and juts out her chin. “Then I guess I won’t.”

He runs a hand over his face. “I actually can’t stay. I have to get home to Julia and Camila.”

She nods. “Okay.”

His face contorts into one of disdain. “They’re my family, Daisy. You can’t be pissed about that.”

She breathes through her nose to keep herself from saying something she’ll regret. “I’m not. I understand. Much more than you understand me and my choices.”

He shrugs and she feels helpless at it. “Maybe I don’t. But that doesn’t excuse them. And it doesn’t erase that Cam would never do this to me.”

Just the mention of Camila throws her off, since for the most part, they avoid discussing her at all when they’re together. She wonders if a part of that wasn’t due to the problems in his marriage, but out of pity for her. And now, because of her choice, he’s run out of sympathy. The mere idea of it twists her stomach into knots, ones she knows she’ll never truly be free of, but at least she can try to hide them from Billy.

“Maybe that’s the fucking problem,” she spits out before she can stop herself.

He scoffs. “That’s called real love and commitment. It’s what makes a marriage.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “And I wouldn’t know anything about that?”

“You don’t,” he insists, and it cuts her off at the knees, “you’ve never known.”

She looks away. “I guess that’s it.” She bites her lip. “If that’s all there is to say, then you should leave.”

He doesn’t wait another moment, he goes, and she’s left alone feeling empty and scared that he’s right. That she is an idiot and selfish beyond words. Maybe the most selfish person in the whole world. She’s self-aware enough to recognize there have been times when she has been that kind of person. Her interview with Jonah about Billy, causing him pain on purpose on tour again and again, and that fight with Simone in Greece, where she said something unforgivable.

Daisy still isn’t sure if she’s worthy of any of that forgiveness, but there’s no going back, as much as regrets what she did. There’s just moving forward. And even if there’s risk involved, Nicky deserves a chance to be a part of that, to be able to move forward, too.

If she doesn’t allow it, then she will never be the kind of mom Maggie deserves. And, worse yet, never have the strength to stop loving Billy once and for all.

Billy usually likes Halloween just fine, but he isn’t looking forward to it this year, not after the fight he had with Daisy, and the fallout from it.

That doesn’t mean they don’t have to grin and bear it for Maggie’s sake, because even if the two of them are at odds, they both still want to keep things as normal as they can for their kid. He doesn’t want to be in a fight with Daisy, but he’s hurt and pissed off by her choice to allow Nicky back into her life. In Maggie’s life. He thought, after everything, he could count on her to protect herself and their daughter from Nicky. Now he’s been proven wrong. Still, they don’t want to disrupt the routine and dynamic they’ve fought to create for Maggie.

Which means they get together for trick-or-treating.

Billy pulls up to Daisy’s house and isn’t surprised to see it decked out with cobwebs and a fake cemetery in the front yard, complete with skeletons rising out of it. Orange and white lights decorate the house. If the decor for Christmas is an extravaganza, then Halloween is a close second.

He readies himself for a night of awkwardness and knocks on Daisy’s front door.

Eddie opens it and gives Billy a hard look, which lets him know that Daisy’s told him about their fight. It ticks him off, but he reminds himself that he doesn’t even like Eddie. And that tonight is not about him or Daisy. It’s about his daughter.

“You’re gonna play nice, right?” Eddie asks.

Billy gives him a glare. “Eddie, I don’t need this shit.”

Eddie pauses and then shrugs. “Fine, but Maggie takes Halloween very seriously, as you know from last year, so no being a prick.”

Billy rolls his eyes but follows Eddie inside.

His own feelings on everything are too complicated for him to properly look at, but even if everyone else thinks he’s being unfair to Daisy, it doesn’t erase the fact that he believes she’s making a mistake. If it was only his heart on the line, he wants to believe he would find a way to get through it and accept that it’s what she wants. But he’s not the only one who could get hurt here, and Maggie matters more. She just does. And even though he hasn’t even been in her life for two years, he will do anything he needs to keep her safe and happy.

Nicky threatens all of it.

His stomach still churns at the thought of Nicky in Miami, and what he did to Daisy. It’s more than just that night though, because he’s thought about Daisy and Nicky’s marriage more than is healthy over the past few years, and he’s sure that Nicky never deserved her. He never loved and cared for her the way she needed, the way he should’ve.

It might actually make Billy a jealous asshole, but Nicky still doesn’t deserve Daisy. And what worries him more than anything else is that she might not know that. Or she might believe that whatever positive Nicky could bring into her life, and Maggie’s too, outweighs the negative. He can’t believe that’s true, even if Daisy does.

When he walks into the living room behind Eddie, he sees Nicky and is very proud of himself for not immediately tackling him to the ground.

Daisy warned him that he would be here, and asked if it would be alright. He wanted to say no, of course, but he didn’t want to turn Halloween into another fight. Besides, he knew she wanted him to agree, so he did.

Warren, Lisa, Karen, and Teddy are also there. Graham wanted to come, but he hardly ever leaves Hazelwood these days since Jeanie got pregnant. Not that he doesn’t make up for it by sending Maggie an absurd number of cards and presents.

“Hey, Billy,” Nicky greets him, and he kicks himself for not doing it first.

If only to assert that this is Billy and Daisy’s life he’s stepping into, and not the other way around.

“Hey.” It’s not exactly warm, but it isn’t a, “fuck you, slim ball,” which is what he really wants to say, so it’s a win in his book.

No one says anything else until Warren wraps his arms around himself. “Brrrr,” he laughs nervously, “Guess we’re not going to be the best of buddies, huh?”

Lisa shoots him a dark look, and he turns sheepish.

“Sorry,” he adds, “awkward silences are the death of me.”

Eddie snorts. “We know.”

Warren points a finger at him. “Dear, we promised we wouldn’t fight anymore in front of the kids.”

Eddie raises his hands in surrender. “You’re right, Sweetums. My bad.”

Karen snorts.

Lisa rolls her eyes, but she’s fighting off a smile. “You two actually believe you’re the funniest people in any room, don’t you?”

Warren grins. “You said it, babe, not me.”

Lisa groans.

Teddy shakes his head. “You had to have seen that coming.”

“It’s nice to see you all haven’t changed that much,” Nicky says, disrupting Billy’s amusement at their behavior.

He knows, of course, no matter how much Daisy tries, that Nicky will never fit in with them. He caused too much damage and pain the first time around. It’s more than that though. Because Billy knows, even if Nicky was perfect, he’d still think he wasn’t good enough for Daisy. That says something awful about him, and brings up thoughts and feelings he’d rather ignore, but...It’s there, all the same.

Billy will never accept Nicky as part of Daisy’s life. He can’t.

Daisy comes downstairs with Maggie before Nicky can be a dick and Billy says something he’ll regret.

Maggie’s dressed as Alice from Alice in Wonderland and Daisy’s the Queen of Hearts. Which means Billy’s the Mad Hatter, per Maggie’s insistence.

He doesn’t remember the last time he dressed up for Halloween. Jules never asked him to and Cam’s never been a huge Halloween person. She’s never said it, but he dreads it’s because she associates it with their daughter’s birthday month. This leads her to his subsequent falling apart and going off to rehab while she was left to raise Julia on her own for the first few months. Since Jules got old enough to go out by herself, he really isn’t a Halloween person, either. Maggie is though, and Julia’s trick-or-treating with just her friends this year for the first time and told him he should go with her sister.

Maggie grins and runs over to him when she sees his costume. “Daddy! Mommy says we’re gonna get all the candy in the world. Is that true?”

He looks over at Daisy, who gives him a tight smile, and he’s reminded that just because they’re trying tonight, nothing between them is okay right now.

Still, he won’t let Maggie pick up on that. “You bet.”

She grins and then looks over at Nicky. “Told you!”

Nicky raises his hands in defeat. “You did indeed.”

Daisy shifts on her feet and Billy fights off clenching his jaw and nothing feels right but none of them acknowledge it.

“We should probably get this show on the road,” Billy says to Daisy and Nicky, trying to not sound exactly as pissed as he feels.

“Oh, um, Nicky’s not coming with us,” Daisy tells him.

“Nope.” Nicky smiles, nervously, and it shouldn’t please Billy as much as it does. “But it’s alright, I’ve got a party to prepare for.”

Eddie perks up at that. “Party, eh?”

Nicky shrugs. “Just a few people from the neighborhood. I wasn’t sure about it, with my sobriety and everything, but my sponsor told me he thought it would be good for me.”

It takes every bit of strength in him for Billy to stop himself from rolling his eyes at the way Nicky says, “My sobriety.” Like he is different from anyone else. Or that it’s somehow better than Billy’s just because it’s his. His words are just another reason to dislike him.

Nicky hesitates, but goes for it anyway, “Daisy, you’re still coming over later, right?”

Billy looks over at her in disbelief, but she doesn’t return it.

“As long as Maggie’s okay here, then I think so,” she replies.

Warren makes a disgusted face at that and there’s a thump that sounds an awful lot like Lisa kicking him under the table.

Nicky swallows and then adds, “You all should come.”

The last thing in the entire world that Billy wants is to go to a party hosted by Nicky, even if Daisy going tempts him more than it should.

“Thanks, but I can’t leave Cam alone all night,” Billy says quickly.

As if she’s his freaking cat and not his wife.

“She’s invited, too, of course.” Before either Daisy or Billy can protest it, Nicky says, “I always enjoyed her.”

Billy considers punching him in the face again, but instead, he goes with, “I’ll give her a call and see if she’d like to drive over here.”

He refuses to be the one to snap and repeats that sentiment over and over as he goes to Daisy’s kitchen and dials his home number.

He explains Nicky’s offer and fully expects her to shoot it down without a beat. But she doesn’t.

“How nice of him to invite us,” she says. “I’d love to. I’ll drive up in just a bit.”

It takes him a second to register what she’s agreed to. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” she asks, and he realizes he’s in dangerous territory here.

If he admits how much he hates Nicky, that will only lead to more doubts and questions. Cami will want to know why and he can’t even begin to answer that. No matter what, he’s fucked.

So, he responds, “Alright. I don’t know if costumes are necessary or anything but—”

“I’ll throw something together,” she cuts him off. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll meet you at Daisy’s, okay?”

He nods and then lets out a breath. “Alright. See you in a little while.”

“Great! And I hope Maggie has a wonderful night with you and Daisy and Nicky.”

Billy swallows thickly and doesn’t contradict her. If she knew that Nicky wasn’t coming with him and Daisy, she might ask more questions, and he can’t handle that right now. He does what he does best, and lies through his teeth.

He walks back into the living room and tells them all, “Cam will be here in about two hours.”

Eddie winces, Karen’s eyebrows go up and though her tone reveals otherwise, Daisy replies, “Perfect!”

Billy couldn’t agree more with them, but Nicky’s brought everyone down this road, and there’s no going back now. Again, another reason to hate the guy. He doubts that he’ll ever run out of those.

The hour and eleven minutes he and Daisy spend trick-or-treating are some of the most awkward of Billy’s entire life.

It’s full of joy and candy for Maggie, sure, but Billy can’t stop himself from making cutting remarks, which Daisy responds with some of her own.

“Why don’t you go ahead for a bit,” Daisy says at one point, “wouldn’t want my selfishness to wear out on you.”

To which he replies, “Why didn’t you ask the wonderful Nicky to come then?”

She sucks at her teeth, but then Maggie runs back from a house and they both plaster fake smiles on their faces.

It’s then that he realizes that Daisy isn’t just pissed at him, she’s hurt, too. Which he isn’t sure she has a right to be, considering she’s the one who’s let Nicky back into their lives. He won’t acknowledge it—doing so would only lead to very bad shit. He’s already exhausted enough as it is, and they still have Nicky’s blessed party to attend.

Eventually, Maggie starts to get tired, even demonstrating a rare grumpiness. Billy carries her back to Daisy’s and puts her to bed. Teddy’s offered to watch her while the rest of them go to Nicky’s. Billy thinks about begging him to let him stay with him.

But any notion of freedom is over and done with.

When he goes downstairs, everyone else is taking bets on what kind of people will be at this party.

“There’s definitely gonna be some royalty,” Warren guesses.

Karen shakes her head. “No way they come all the way to LA for a party for someone who belongs to a defunct kingdom.”

Eddie gestures with his water glass. “I think there could be some distant relations. You know, the lame ones.”

“I think he mentioned some actors or musicians,” Daisy adds.

Lisa groans. “I hope no one from my recent movie will be there. That shoot was an absolute shit show.”

The only person who doesn’t join in is Teddy, and Billy believes it’s mostly because he’s too busy watching him for a reaction. Billy refuses to give any of them one. Even Daisy. Nicky doesn’t warrant it, but it’s more than that. He doesn’t want Daisy to think that he cares as much as he does.

Daisy looks at the clock. “Oh shit. The limo will be here soon.”

“The limo?” Warren asks, eyebrows raised.

Daisy shakes her head, but she’s got just a hint of a smile on her face. “He insisted.”

Billy makes a face, which everyone except Karen ignores, but even then, she doesn’t say a word about it.

“I’ve got to change into my costume,” Daisy says, already heading for the stairs. “If the limo gets here before I’m ready, assure them I’ll give a great tip.”

“You’re already wearing one,” Billy tells her, even though it should’ve been obvious to him that it wouldn’t be her only one—especially if she’s been planning to go to a party.

She looks down at herself and then back up at him. “I have another one for Nicky’s.”

He clenches his jaw. “So, you don’t care about the guy, but you care enough to get a second Halloween costume for his damn party?”

Warren and Lisa exchange a look and he knows Teddy wants to issue a warning, but before he or anyone else can, Daisy crosses her arms over her chest and replies, “I wear what I want when I want, or have you forgotten?”

He sucks at his teeth. “I haven’t, but maybe I’d hoped you’d matured a little in the past six years.”

Her mouth twists into a grimace. “Well, since you’ve clearly forgotten, I promised you that would never happen.”

The memory comes back then. The tense press conference, the hotel, and his cruelty. Sure, she returned it with her own, but it was what he’d said last that haunts him.

I know what it looks like when you’re in love with someone.

And then, because he always knows how to make matters worse, he’d leaned in to kiss her.

She’s proud of how she’s been able to throw him off, and it snaps him out of the past.

“You’re certainly following through on that,” he responds.

Eddie clears his throat. “Not that this isn’t entertaining, but Daisy, why don’t you go get ready, alright?”

Daisy hesitates but nods and then goes upstairs to change into her different costume. Once she does, there’s an unmistakable tension in the room. As the minutes pass and no one utters a word, his irritation only builds, even though he’s in no rush to get to the party.

“Can you two like…Cool it?” Eddie asks, breaking the silence.

Karen adds, her tone softer than Eddie’s, “I think what he means is that this isn’t good for either one of you.”

Billy makes a face. “I’m aware of that, thanks.”

Lisa tells him, “Well, then, maybe you really should cool it.”

“She—” he starts, but to his surprise, Warren cuts him off.

“Whatever’s going on between the two of you, you’ve gotta work it out. If not for either one of your sake, then for Maggie’s.”

That does give him pause because Billy knows he’s right. He wishes it was easy to work things out with Daisy, that it would feel as effortless as so many other things between them. He remembers how simple it all felt at first. And that feeling had come back, at least, until Daisy saw Nicky at the park that day. He wants to forgive her, to trust that she’s doing the right thing by their daughter, but the memories of the tour, and Nicky’s presence, fester and hurt.

“I have no idea how to do that,” he admits.

Teddy thinks about this, Billy can see the gears turning in his head of how to delicately tell him the truth.

“You just do,” he says finally. “Because that’s life.”

It doesn’t do much to comfort him. If anything, it only makes everything more daunting. But Billy is comforted by the fact that his friends seem to believe in him and Daisy. It’s almost enough to ease the burden of their reality, if only for the night.

Daisy calls down, “Please hold your applause!”

Billy braces himself for whatever that means. He figures it must be a pretty elaborate costume since it is Daisy, but he isn’t prepared in the slightest. He should know by now that there’s very little about her that he can prepare for, but like so many other times, he had himself fooled.

When she’s in front of him, he sucks in a breath that sounds like a roar to his ears. He should be ashamed of it, but how can he be when Daisy’s wearing…This.

He’s always been far too aware of how beautiful she is, and what she does to him. From the moment he saw her in that man’s button-down shirt, he’s felt drawn to her. To touch her and have her and know her in all the ways that damn him most. But there’s a difference in knowing he wants her and another to be confronted with it.

The gold of Daisy’s bikini glints, mocking him, clearly. The straps go into a halter around her neck. There’s almost nothing left to the imagination, but he supposes that was the point when the creators of Star Wars designed Princess Leia’s gold bikini. He thought, stupidly, that the distance between the two of them would stop his desire for Daisy would ease up. That he could even pretend it had faded altogether. But she grins at the looks on all of their faces and he is lost.

Warren lets out a low whistle and Lisa lets out a delighted laugh. Billy should say or do something, anything. But he can’t. He’s fixed in place with the knowledge that his need for Daisy will never lessen or disappear. No matter his denial or refusal to accept it.

He is well and truly fucked.

And that feeling only grows when he almost doesn’t notice Camila walking through the front door.

Camila understands her choice to go to Nicky’s party, and why she makes it, perfectly.

In fact, there hasn’t been a major decision she’s made in her life that she hasn’t been sure of, that hasn’t been weighed carefully in her mind. Which means that she knows why she throws together a witch costume, one that shows more cleavage than she has in years. And she only becomes more sure of her decision as she makes the drive to LA. She is entirely in control of her choice.

At least, until she opens Daisy’s front door and sees the way Billy looks at Daisy.

During those two years, Daisy was a part of their lives, she’s dealt with how he looks at her, and even though it’s been years, she isn’t surprised to see that it hasn’t changed. What does surprise her is the way it still manages to sting. How Camila feels as if she’s choking on air. That she’s an outsider in her marriage, even now. Billy’s pissed at Daisy right now because of Nicky, but not even that is enough to change what he feels for her. Camila thought that it could, but she realizes she’s been the foolish little girl of her past. Of course, even when he might not understand it or see it for himself, Billy still loves Daisy the same as always.

But Camila won’t lie down and take it, she won’t relinquish Billy and their life together this time either.

She will fight for what is rightfully hers, of that choice, she is certain. There can be no alternative. When she even thinks of one, her throat closes up and she pictures a life of loneliness she can’t stomach. She and Billy cannot be separated. They’re too intertwined now, no matter what manages to try to wrap itself around their tangled ivy of years-long love and commitment. She has to do whatever it takes to protect what they’ve built together, regardless of the consequences.

Even if it means ruining whatever Daisy and Billy have in the process.

Chapter Text

Camila Dunne might be a good woman, even one who Daisy needed the truth from when she was most lost. But she’s sure that Camila knows what she’s doing to her tonight. The why behind it is clear, though she wishes it wasn’t, that all of them could pretend like they did in the seventies.

There’s no more pretending though, and she can’t say it’s all on Camila or Billy, because of course, Daisy’s actions play a role, too. She doesn’t mean to ruin the party, and her life, too, but Camila pushes and pushes, and finally, she does, and when it happens, it’s nothing short of a disaster.

The look on Billy’s face when she comes down the stairs in her Princess Leia costume is just about one of the best things she’s seen in years. He’s stunned, clearly, but it’s more than that. Because underneath the surprise is awe. It’s passion and desire. A need that she recognizes all too well. The moment stretches on, and she knows she should break it, but it’s intoxicating.

Which means she doesn’t notice Camila open her front door and step inside.

“Hey everyone!” Camila calls out.

Billy’s eyes snap away from her own and she hates herself for the impact it has, but that isn’t new, at least, not when it comes to the two of them.

She looks at Camila and smiles, trying to be bright and cheery, but she knows she doesn’t quite manage it.

“Camila!” she says, her voice slightly too loud.

“Hi, Daisy,” she replies, her voice holding something that everyone hears but won’t dare acknowledge.

There’s a loaded moment that Daisy knows she has to break, so she forces herself to walk over to Camila and gives her a brief hug. “It’s so great that you were able to come.”

“Of course.” She grins and it doesn’t feel as false as Daisy’s, which makes her feel guilty for not trying hard enough to be kind. “I love Halloween, and it’s been a while since I’ve gotten out of Mom Mode.”

Daisy laughs, and it’s lighter than she actually feels, but she hopes that eventually, it won’t feel that way. “I definitely get that. It’s been a long time since I’ve been out.”

Camila looks at Daisy’s costume for just a moment too long to be friendly. “I can see that.”

Behind them, Warren coughs and she can practically see the look Karen and Eddie exchange. Billy doesn’t say anything at all, and she refuses to give in and look at him. At least she can count on Teddy and Lisa to have strong poker faces. She wishes the rest of them could try to hold it in a little bit more. If nothing else then to make sure they all survive the night.

Daisy looks at Lisa, who gives her an encouraging smile and then turns back to Camila. “Right.” She swallows. “But tonight should be fun.”

Billy clears his throat and finally finds the ability to speak. “I think the limo’s going to be here soon. We should probably get ready to head out.”

Camila grins. “Limo, huh?”

Billy makes a face, but Daisy cuts in, “It’s from Nicky. He wanted to make sure we rolled up in style.” Then she adds, “Plus, he said taking care of me is the least he can do.”

It’s the truth, he did say it, but she wasn’t planning on telling anyone, especially not Billy. But between Camila’s comments and Billy’s complete lack of them, she can’t stop herself. It makes her petty and maybe more unkind than she’s been in a long while. It’s still not enough to stop her.

“How sweet of him,” Billy says. Daisy narrows her eyes, but he continues, “I guess there really is a first time for everything.”

Daisy opens her mouth to fire off a retort, but Karen looks out the window and interrupts, “Oh, look! The limo’s here.”

It’s probably for the best, but she hates the thought that Billy gets the last word.

She gives Teddy a quick hug and thanks him again for watching Maggie before following everyone else outside. They’re all climbing into the limo, and she ends up sitting next to Warren and Karen. Camila makes small talk with everyone, except Eddie, to whom she just gives a tight smile, but he ignores it.

Daisy knows what’s going on there, but she won’t be the one to bring it up. After all, it isn’t her business. Camila and Billy have made it perfectly clear to both Eddie and Daisy that their marriage has nothing to do with either one of them. For a second, she feels overwhelmed by her whole messy life, but then Karen asks how her second album is coming along and she lets herself hide from those concerns.

By the time they arrive at Nicky’s, things feel a little easier. Not perfect, but at least some of the tension is gone. Not all of it though. Certainly, not enough that they can pretend it doesn’t exist at all.

When she steps out of the limo and takes in Nicky’s house, her mouth opens and she holds in a gasp. She isn’t the only one. The word house doesn’t quite do the place justice. If she had to call it anything, it would be a mansion. Or an estate. Something grand. Even though every inch of the place screams modernity. It isn’t at all her style, but she can’t deny that it is impressive. And beautiful, in a way.

“Holy shit,” Eddie lets out. “This place is amazing.”

Billy makes a dissatisfied face. “You would think it’s the height of excellence.”

Eddie snorts. “Don’t be jealous, Billy. It’s unbecoming.”

“I’m not—” Billy starts.

“Why would he be jealous of Nicky?” Camila asks, sounding innocent, but Daisy knows she isn’t. “He doesn’t have anything that he wants or needs.”

It’s clearly a dig at Daisy, but she won’t give the satisfaction of letting Camila know that she knows that.

Lisa feigns a laugh, trying to lighten the situation, and gestures to the house. “It is rather exquisite though, you have to admit. It must cost a fortune.” She shudders. “Though that probably means there’ll be more than one person from the industry who I’ll have to avoid.”

Warren loops an arm around her waist. “I’m here for you, babe.”

“Try not to get carried away,” Billy tells Daisy.

She glares at him. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Of course, she knows exactly what he means, but she wants him to say it.

He looks pained, but does respond, “I just wouldn’t want you to do something you’ll regret.”

Daisy scoffs but doesn’t know what she can possibly say that won’t give away too much of herself and her feelings.

Karen crosses her arms over her chest. “Who says you have a right in what Daisy does?”

Daisy’s grateful for it, and smirks.

Warren, no doubt deeply uncomfortable by the turn in the conversation, says, “Alright, alright. I know we’re all having a great time out here, but can we cut it out and actually go into the party?”

She grins, playing it off like she and Billy weren’t seconds away from a fight. “Sounds like a good idea to me.”

In reality, she’s sort of regretting ever coming here in the first place, but it’s too late now. For so many things when it comes to her life. But she has to live with her choices, for better or worse, and more than that, she has to live with Billy’s, too, now that he has a permanent place in her life.

The moment they’re through the front door, they’re hit with uproarious music and flashing lights, reflecting off a large disco ball hanging in the center of the room. There are people everywhere, many of whom she recognizes from either events she’s been to herself or movies and TV. Especially from the covers of tabloids.

She expected as much, as Nicky always did love a good party. It does make her question just how much he’s truly changed since she last saw him. Maybe his sobriety is under control, but that doesn’t mean the rest of him is. She feels Billy’s eyes on her for a moment too long and can guess he’s thinking the same thing.

She refuses to meet his eye. She won’t let him think she’s second-guessing allowing Nicky back in her and Maggie’s lives. If she does, then she’s afraid of what could happen. There are several possibilities, and none of them are good. She has to remain resolute.

“Damn!” Eddie says. “I knew this would be freakin’ cool, but…Wow.”

“Try not to piss yourself with excitement,” Billy shoots back.

Daisy can’t help herself. “And yet you’re the furthest thing from jealous.”

Camila’s mouth tightens and then turns into a smile. “It looks like it’ll be a fun night.”

At first, she sounds like she really means it, but there’s something hidden underneath. A hint of something that shows she doesn’t believe it at all. If anyone else hears it, they don’t acknowledge it. Daisy decides to go along with them, even though there’s a part of her that would love nothing more than to make Camila, and, as a result, Billy, squirm a little. It’s wrong, but then again, she isn’t exactly sure anything that Billy and Camila have done tonight is right.

Through the crowd, Nicky spots them and comes over.

He looks Daisy up and down, ignoring everyone else for a long moment. The attention is more than she’s used to receiving, more than she’s gotten in years. She hasn’t slept with anyone since…Well, since she and Billy had sex while on tour. Between her first solo record and raising Maggie on her own, there hasn’t been time or room for her to let anyone get that close.

Nicky’s eyes on her feel consuming and addictive. They feel good. After being so alone and confused and hurt, Daisy wants to melt into it. No matter what it might mean.

“You look…” Nicky trails off.

She can’t stop herself from laughing. “I know.”

Daisy can practically hear Billy’s jaw clench. She wonders if Camila sees it, too. Camila is a smart woman, maybe more than Daisy really understands. If she’s able to notice the way Billy looks at her and Nicky, then Camila definitely does.

Behind them, Lisa clears her throat, and Nicky acknowledges the rest of them for the first time.

Nicky grins, flashing his teeth. “Hey, everyone. Welcome to my humble little place. My friend Schwarz provided some drinks for those who’d like them.” He nods to Camila. “And it’s great to see you after so long. You’re as beautiful as always.”

“Thank you,” Camila replies, giving a bright if coy, smile.

God save them all.

Warren frowns. “Schwarz as in…”

“Ah, yes…” Nicky laughs. “You probably know him better by Arnold.”

Lisa’s jaw drops a little. “You mean...Arnold Schwarzenegger?”

Nicky shrugs. “He’s become a dear friend in the past year.”

Daisy shakes her head. “You always did find friends in the strangest of places.”

Nicky laughs, delighted by her response, and she can’t lie and say it means nothing to her, even though it would be better if that were true.

“Although, you’ll always be my favorite, of course,” he says.

She snorts and puts a hand on her hip. “What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

Nicky smirks. “Nothing that I can stop.”

Luckily, Warren cuts in before she can dig herself into a deeper hole. “How about we get a tour of the place, Nicky?”

Nicky’s eyes leave Daisy reluctantly. “I would love to.”

They go towards the stairs, but before they head up, Camila puts a hand on her arm. “Do you mind if I steal her for a second?”

Nicky asks her an unspoken question while Billy practically gulps. Billy’s eyes go to her and she wishes he could save her from whatever Camila wants to talk about. That won’t happen though. She needs to accept that by choosing to let Nicky back into her life, and Maggies, too, she’s broken some of the trust she and Billy have built.

Daisy nods to Camila. “Alright.” Then she turns to the rest of them. “I’ll see you guys in a bit.”

“It won’t take long,” Camila promises. “We’ll be right up.”

The second they’re alone, Daisy worries she’s made a huge mistake by agreeing to talk to her.

“It really is good to see you again, Daisy,” she starts.

Daisy forces a smile, feeling inept but pushing forward anyway. “Same here. And I truly appreciate you being so understanding of…Everything. I know it must’ve been very difficult. That it still is, and I also know I have no place to really talk about it to you at all, but just know that I really am grateful.”

Camila might not be as understanding as she’s been letting on though, depending how this conversation goes. Still, Daisy hopes that they’ll be able to avoid ruining everything tonight. It’s a foolish hope though, she realizes it as soon as Camila replies.

“I’m doing my best.” Camila sighs. “But it isn’t easy for me. Or Billy.” Daisy nods, and then she goes on, “But there’s something I need to ask you.”

Daisy already feels like she knows what Camila will say, but she doesn’t stop her. Maybe because she’s a glutton for punishment or believes that she’s deserving of pain or dismissal of her own feelings. Or maybe…Maybe it’s because she suspects Camila will tell the truth. And that Daisy needs her honesty now, too. Even if it threatens everything in her life right now.

“Will you please let him go?”

Daisy frowns, and even though it isn’t a surprise, she has no idea how to respond.

“I don’t—”

Camila holds up a hand. “Please. Let’s not pretend that there aren’t still feelings there.” She exhales. “For both of you.”

“But I don’t have him,” Daisy responds, and then quieter, “I never have had him. Not even...”

She can’t make herself continue, and at least Camila fills up the space where she should.

“You have a piece of him, and I don’t mean just with Maggie.” She swallows. “I know you don’t want to, and neither does he, believe me, but…” She offers a small smile. “But we all know how these things can be. That said I…I need to know that you care enough about him to do the right thing.”

Daisy hasn’t quite caught up to what she means. “The right thing?”

“To let him go,” Camila repeats. “I mean…You have Nicky now, and he seems better. Changed. I know you want a proper family for Maggie. And I know it means a lot to you that you have people. But…” Her expression softens, and her voice becomes a little shaky. “You said you wouldn’t ruin our lives. Billy’s life. Remember?”

Daisy nods and then feels like an idiot. “I know I did but Billy wants to be in Maggie’s life and I can’t just—”

Camila shakes her head and moves closer. “I’m not suggesting you cut him out of your life. I just need you to release him from the hold you have on him. To let him be just mine again.” She pauses. “Daisy, you have to understand, Billy doesn’t want to be with you. I know that’s a hard truth but—”

“I know,” she cuts in, not wanting to hear anything else about it.

“I just want what’s best for you.”

Daisy could do two things. She could do what she did when she called Camila and cower. Decide that she knows best and that Daisy doesn’t know anything. Accept her words as nothing but the entire truth. Take the request as a kindness, a needy and desperate act of a woman Daisy’s hurt in the past.

Camila probably deserves that much, after what Daisy put her through. After she went and fell in love with her husband and ran straight at him, at what she wanted, with no thought of Camila and what it would do to her. Daisy’s been plenty selfish and cruel in the past, and she doesn’t want to be that way again.

But she also believes that doesn’t mean she has to take everything lying down. Besides, as much as she might pretend otherwise, it isn’t her nature. Her pride might be her undoing, but that isn’t new.

“I don’t think you actually do want what’s best for me,” Daisy replies.

Camila is stunned, her mouth drops open a little, but she recovers quickly enough. “I do. I promise.”

Daisy stares her down and refuses to go into herself the way she did before. “No, I think you want what’s best for you and Billy. Not me. If you did, then we wouldn’t be having this conversation at all. Maybe you are doing what’s best for you two, maybe I’m wrong, but all I know is that you lied back then, and I believe you could be lying now.”

Camila scoffs. “I never lied.”

Daisy shakes her head. “Right. Because Billy still doesn’t know about our phone call because of me alone.”

She huffs out, “Please. You made the decision to not tell him as much as I did.”

Daisy points a finger at her and says in a hushed whisper, “Because you asked me to!”

Camila turns away and goes toward the stairs.

“Wait—” Daisy starts.

Camila refuses to stop. “No, Daisy. I’m not doing this with you. Not here. Not ever. Especially when there is no point. He’s mine, remember? So it’s best we just move on and try to have a good night.”

Daisy feels like she has whiplash from going from the harsh exchange to the dismissal of deciding they shouldn’t discuss it any further. She doesn’t know what to make of it. Or what she can do to stop it. In the end, she pushes forward.

“Well, I’ve always had a great time at parties,” she tells Camila as she moves past her, taking the stairs faster than her. “No matter what kind of bullshit people have dealt to me beforehand.”

Camila doesn’t get a chance to reply, because they nearly walk right into everyone else who is finishing up the tour of the upstairs. It fills her with far too much satisfaction. But since she no longer drinks or does drugs, she takes her highs where she can get them. Particularly when it comes to being shamed for her life and decisions.

“Hey, you two,” Karen greets. “Nicky’s gonna show us the pool and downstairs.”

Daisy looks at Nicky. “Oh really? I’m sorry to have missed most of the tour.”

“I’ll show you some other time,” he says.

Billy rolls his eyes, but his expression softens when Camila goes over to him and links their hands. It’s as possessive as she’s ever been. As much as she feels the need to be. Because she’s right. Billy will always be hers. But that doesn’t mean Billy wants to completely let Daisy go. There was some truth to Camila’s words, after all. But this time, Daisy doesn’t want to just let herself be lost in whatever Billy and Camila want. She wants to do something. Even if that something is incredibly stupid.

Daisy moves over to Nicky. “Do you think you could show me now, you know, my own private tour?”

If she bats her eyelashes a little and tilts her head to the side, well, that’s not one of her regrets.

Nicky is a little shocked at first, but then he smiles, wide and satisfied. “I’d love to.” He looks at the rest of them and she follows his gaze. They’re all a little horrified, but no one more than Billy. “You all don’t mind, right?”

Lisa gives Daisy a look, and she nods. “Nope. Not a problem,” Lisa decides for all of them. “We’ll see you two down there.”

Camila actually has to pull Billy down the stairs, but he goes without another form of protest.

She looks at Nicky. “So…”

Nicky laughs and gestures to the left. “Right this way.”

Even if she’s being an ass right now, or at the very least an idiot, at least she feels more in control. Like she isn’t facing down spending the rest of her life around Billy and Camila Dunne, doomed to her own unhappiness. That she isn’t just a scared little girl who will never get what she truly wants or needs. For the first time in a while, she feels strong and capable.

God knows it won’t last, but Daisy will cling to it with everything she has, no matter how long it lasts.

Camila can feel Billy’s rage at Nicky. At least now it’s sort of aimed at Daisy, too.

“Is anyone else weirded out by Daisy and Nicky or….” Warren trails off.

No one dares to answer him until Eddie and Karen return from the kitchen with drinks.

Eddie shrugs and replies, “I mean, no less weirded out by her behavior than usual so…”

Camila looks at Billy, who gives her a tight smile. It reveals more than she wants anyone else to see. It’s embarrassing. But more than that, it hurts. Because Billy isn’t jealous or threatened by Eddie, and he knows she and him slept together. Billy might’ve felt that way when he first found out, but after years, Eddie isn’t a threat. Except Nicky is. Nicky. Who Billy’s always hated, for so many reasons. And it’s one thing to hear it in his voice over the phone, and another to have to bear witness to it.

It’s all so sad, but that doesn’t mean she believes in giving up. If anything, it makes her all the more resolute to hang on. And she really does think she’ll be able to, that they’ll find a way. The way they always have. That things can keep spinning and Billy will come back to her again. 

She doesn’t bank on one thing though.

One thing that changes the whole trajectory of her life.

She doesn’t expect Daisy to burn it all down, damn the consequences.

When Daisy and Nicky come back down the stairs, she doesn’t see any of her friends right away. She looks around for them, but then Nicky asks her to dance. She doesn’t think, she just says yes.

He’s twirling her around, spinning her. Over and over. She loses herself in the music and focuses on just the feeling in her body. She’s effortless with it and allows herself to get lost in being close to someone. Even if it’s not the someone she truly wants. Nicky probably knows he’s probably known since before they were married, but he’s willing to be here with her. Somehow, that means more than it should.

She smiles as he dips her dramatically and then pulls her back up.

“I think I need a break,” she gets out, a little breathless.

Nicky nods, and he guides her away from the makeshift dancefloor, a hand drifting close to her back but not touching her.

He makes a joke about some A-list actor who’s just flung himself into Nicky’s pool and she snorts. She’s still laughing when she nearly runs right into Billy. The rest of them are there too, apart from Karen and Camila.

“Oh, sorry I—”

“Are you really?” Billy asks, his voice hard.

Daisy frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Billy—” Nicky begins.

He cuts him off, looking at him with a kind of anger Daisy doesn’t quite understand. “I wasn’t talking to you.”

She looks from Nicky to Billy. “What is going on?”

Billy gestures to her and Nicky. “Why don’t you tell me? Why don’t you explain what the actual fuck you think you’re doing with him.” He looks at Nicky and then back at her.

Daisy sucks at her teeth. “That’s none of your business.”

Billy spits back, “The hell it is. We share a kid. So, yeah, it is my business.”

“Guys—” Warren starts.

“Shut up, Warren,” Billy tells him.

“Hey!” Lisa exclaims. “It’s not his fault you’re being a jealous prick.”

“What’s going on?” Camila asks as she and Karen come in from the pool deck.

“Nothing,” Daisy says.

“Actually,” Eddie gestures with his drink, “Billy here was tearing into Daisy for daring to dance with Nicky.”

Camila’s eyes go to Daisy, who doesn’t back down from her gaze. Then she goes to Billy. “We should go home.”

Daisy should stop herself, but she doesn’t. “Right. Because that is how you make it all neat and tidy, right? It’s how you avoid the mess. By pretending none of it exists?”

Camila crosses her arms over her chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Daisy laughs, but it isn’t a kind one. “We all know that’s not true.”

“Leave her alone,” Billy says to Daisy.

Daisy gives him a hard look. “You don’t know what the hell is going on here.”

His voice is a rough edge when he asks, “Oh because you do?”

“Yeah, I do,” she tells him. “A hell of a lot more than you.”

“I think we all just need to—” Karen tries, but it’s no use.

They’re going down this road now, and there’s no going back.

“I know you think you need to be in her life, but…Not like this,” Camila tells Billy. She looks at Daisy. “I asked you, and you promised me.”

“Promised you what?” Warren asks, looking between Daisy and Camila.

She doesn’t think about what she says next. She just does it. Which might make it one of the worst things she has ever done. But once she does it, there is no going back.

“Yeah, I promised you I wouldn’t ruin your lives,” Daisy nods. She sucks in a breath. “I promised you that in December of 1977 when I called and you answered.”

“Wait—” Billy starts, but she doesn’t let him get another word in.

She can’t. If she did, then she would’ve never finished. And since she’s started, she needs to be the one who ends it.

“I called to tell Billy I was pregnant, and instead…” She shakes her head. “Instead, Camila, you convinced me not to. You begged me to leave him alone. To save him from me all over again. Because I’d already done it once before, in Chicago, so what was one more time, for good?”

She looks away from all of them, she doesn’t have the strength to keep taking in their expressions. The fear and denial and rage and sadness in them all. But she knows she can’t hide from this ugly truth. Not anymore. She’s let herself for far too long. It needs to come out. Even if it destroys her life or Billy’s or Camila’s.

“So, yes, Camila. I made a promise to you. But I don’t care anymore,” Daisy forces out the words, surprised she’s able to manage them at all. “And I’m sorry if by doing this I’m stealing you and Billy’s precious light but I. Don’t. Care.”

Daisy flings out her arms. “Because guess what? I may have promised to not ruin your lives, but you both never promised to ruin mine.”

She looks at Camila and Billy one last time before she storms away, up the stairs, running as far away from the look on Billy’s face as possible.

The room feels full from all the other people and music and yet empty in Daisy’s absence, and more than anything, Billy wants to go after her. But he can’t. For so many reasons. Mostly though, he doesn’t go after her because he knows she doesn’t want him to.

Nicky looks in the direction of where Daisy stormed off, and then back at the rest of them.

“I think you should all go now.”

No one’s brave enough to answer, but they all file out of the house anyway.

The drive back to Billy and Camila’s house is filled with a deafening silence. His mind is whirling with the truth of Daisy’s words, and what’s shifted as a result of them. His whole life is different, has been fractured in just a few minutes.

They walk into the house and after he pays their babysitter, he checks on Julia. She’s asleep, probably burnt out from running around the neighborhood and crashing after a sugar high. He wishes things were easier for her, too. But things won’t be easy for a long while. For any of them.

When he goes downstairs, Cam is sitting at the kitchen table, a mug of tea in her hands.

“Billy—” she starts.

“I’d really rather we didn’t do this right now,” he interrupts.

It’s true, but he knows her, and she won’t let this go. Not this time, at least. There’s been too much for too long. They both have to face it.

“I just…I believed I was doing what was best,” she insists, sounding more earnest and desperate than he’s heard from her in a long while.

He sighs. “I know you did.”

That’s the hardest part, he thinks. That’s the one that won’t let him go. The fact that Cami really did think that keeping Maggie from him was the best thing for him. He wonders if they ever knew each other at all, or if they just lost touch somewhere along the way.

Then it occurs to him.

“Do you still think that?” he asks.

Part of him already knows the answer, but it doesn’t stop his anger when she admits, “Yes.” The look on his face must reveal more than he meant to because she continues, “Do you really think differently after what happened tonight?”

He turns away and stares at the wall. He can’t stomach looking at her right now. Because while he understands how she got to that conclusion, he isn’t sure how he can ever forgive her. By taking away the years he could’ve had with Maggie, she has betrayed his trust and love and everything else they built together. It means exactly what he knew the second he heard Daisy say that Camila knew she was pregnant and that Billy could’ve been the father. It rewires everything in his mind. All that he was sure of and believed in. He can’t hide from what he wants anymore, what he needs to do. The only thing that’s left is to say it out loud.

Billy turns and looks back at her and doesn’t doubt what he says next for a single second.

“I want a fucking divorce.”

Chapter Text

Daisy wishes she could cry, truly burst into tears, and sob and never stop, but she can’t.

For some cruel reason, her body refuses to do what she needs.

This means that she sits in stunned silence in Nicky’s walk-in closet for God only knows how long.

She can’t believe she did what she did, but then again, she can. Maybe more than she likes to admit. Besides, even if she didn’t understand why and how she yelled what happened back then for anyone to hear, but especially for Billy, it wouldn’t undo it. The truth is out now, and there’s no taking it back.

All that remains is the fear. As soon as she recovers enough to think clearly, her mind doesn’t stop for a beat. It spins out of control in a doom spiral of sadness, regret, and worry. A bombardment of thoughts, each one worse and more painful than the previous one.

All of them have to do with her and Billy and Maggie, and how she might’ve ruined not just her life, but Billy’s and her daughter’s happiness as well. If it was just her life on the line, she could get over it. After all, she’s been there before. But to hurt Billy or especially Maggie? To know that she put herself and her wants and her feelings above her daughter? It threatens to send her over the edge.

Nicky finds her at the worst possible moment because right before he walks into his closet, the tears do find her, and it doesn’t take long for her whole body to ache with them.

“Daisy?” she hears him say.

She keeps staring at the wall of clothes in front of her, unable to speak and terrified of what she’d say if she could.

“Daisy, it’s okay. They’ve all left.”

It doesn’t comfort her like he expects it will though. Instead, it makes her cry harder. The reality of what’s now facing bearing down on her with its full weight. She wipes at her cheeks, but it does nothing to stop the flow of new tears.

Nicky sits down beside her without another word, and for a while, he just stays there, silent, while she cries. She knows that he’s trying his best. And, frankly, she doubts that if he said anything it would help her at all. Still, even now she can’t help but compare him to Billy. The knowledge that, no matter how broken the two of them are, Billy’s always known what to say to her. He knows her in a way Nicky never will. Not just because of Nicky’s mistakes or Daisy’s or anyone else’s, but he just can’t. Whatever secret understanding she and Billy have for one another, it doesn’t exist with anyone else. At least, not for her. She has no idea if Billy feels the same. Once, she thought he might, but after what she did….

Time passes slowly and yet at the speed of light. She doesn’t stop crying, and Nicky doesn’t leave, even though she can hear the party still raging on downstairs without them. If she was a different version of herself, she’d find the nearest whiskey bottle and drown herself in it. Maybe take Nicky down along with her. The thought of Maggie stops her. She isn’t a different version of herself, maybe not always for the better, but in this instance, she knows it is. Her daughter is counting on her. So, even if her instincts are screaming at her to fall apart and turn self-destructive, she won’t.

But drugs or booze aren’t the only means by which she has to spin out.

When she’s finally calmed down enough that her tears have stopped, she takes some time to get her breathing under control.

“Are you alright?” Nicky asks.

She kind of hates him for it, even though it isn’t an absurd question. She can’t even say she would do something different if she were in his position. Maybe she and Nicky have never fit together, not even when they were at their best. Maybe it was simply never going to work out between the two of them because they both need things the other can never provide. Or maybe this time around, it’s all Daisy’s fault. That she truly is broken, and there are not enough pieces of herself to give to even Nicky.

All of these thoughts make her even stupider for deciding to do what she does next, but not enough for her to stop herself.

She doesn’t say a word, she just reaches out and pulls him against her. He looks at her, but she doesn’t register his expression. She kisses him before she can think about it for a second longer, knowing that if she did, she would stop herself.

He’s clearly surprised but kisses her back quickly enough. She lets herself go, blocking out all the thoughts of how wrong this is, that it will only make everything worse and that Nicky isn’t the one who she wants. Not in the way she should, at least. But he’s here and it feels so good to be kissed like this after so long of having no one.

Still, she can’t get Billy out of her mind, even when Nicky sweeps his tongue into her mouth. She thinks of Billy’s hands on her and his lips on her own and how he’s kept her at arm’s length, even recently. Maybe for good reasons, ones that are meant to protect both of them, but each one breaks her heart anyway.

And even now, with him knowing the truth, she doesn’t feel better. She isn’t relieved. She’s just hurt. And she knows, with utmost certainty, that if she hasn’t stopped loving Billy now, that she never will.

The more she tries to lose herself in kissing Nicky, the worse it becomes, until it’s too much.

Nicky pulls back abruptly. “Daisy…”

It’s then she realizes she’s crying again.

“I’m sorry,” she chokes out. “I shouldn’t have…”

“No, you probably shouldn’t have,” he replies.

It’s what she deserves, but it still hurts.

“I should go home.”

She stands, and he merely nods. He doesn’t go after her when she practically runs downstairs. She calls a cab from the kitchen and bites at her nails as she waits. She doesn’t understand how she could be such an idiot as to think that kissing Nicky was the answer.

When her cab arrives, she holds in her tears as best she can, but she can tell it doesn’t work all that well. All she can hope is that the cab driver doesn’t recognize her in her costume, and won’t sell this story to every tabloid in town. The last thing she needs is to see her tearful, blotchy face on every cover at the grocery store.

When she pulls up to her house, desperate for the comfort of her bed, her mouth drops open when she sees Billy’s car in the driveway.

She pays the cabbie and straightens her posture, preparing herself for the worst. There are several reasons Billy’s shown up here, and none of them are good. In fact, each one spells further heartache and pain than the previous one. But she has to face what she did. There’s no alternative.

So, she opens her door and isn’t surprised to find him pacing in her living room. He looks up when he hears her enter the room. She swallows, her last bit of courage cementing into place.

“Why are you here, Billy?” she asks, her voice revealing just how broken she feels right now.

Camila begs Billy to stay, to talk things through, to change his mind. But he can’t be around her a moment longer. He knows what he needs to do—where he needs to go. He’s years too late and a mess and there are a thousand reasons why he shouldn’t, but he has to tell Daisy the truth. He has to be brave.

This is how he finds himself in his car and making the drive from his house to LA at almost midnight.

He drives fast, an urgency in his bones that he hasn’t felt in years. The kind that he wonders if he can only feel with one other person in this world. It doesn’t surprise him.

His thoughts are chaos, but he sorts through them anyway. If he’s going to do this, he needs to be sure. He needs to know the right thing to say to her. He might only have one chance at this, and he can’t fuck it up.

It might not make sense, but he knew from the second Daisy told everyone about the phone call and that he and Camila never promised not to ruin her life. He might’ve known before that, but he couldn’t face it until then. It’s as if everything he’d been holding in and denying came to the surface, and there was no more deceiving himself. As if the words Daisy spoke finally set him free from the prison he’d created for himself out of duty and guilt and self-loathing.

It’s always been Daisy for him.

Maybe from the moment he heard her sing. Definitely from that first day they spent writing together. He’s in love with her and that’s never going away. More than that, he doesn’t want it to—he wants to run straight at it. No more hiding or lying to himself or pretending that his feelings aren’t real and unyielding and, even though it doesn’t make all that much sense to him yet, might just be his salvation.

He knows that even if there wasn’t the phone call to consider or that Camila had never chosen to keep Maggie from him, it still wouldn’t be right. The two of them would still reach this ending no matter what. Because he’s supposed to be with Daisy.

He just hates he’s been so slow to figure it out, and that he’s wasted so much of the life they could’ve had together in the process.

Regrets won’t do either one of them any good now. All that’s left is to tell the truth. To hope that Daisy understands and will listen and feel the same way. It’ll be hell at first, he isn’t foolish enough to think otherwise, but he has hope that one day, it won’t be. Daisy probably deserves more. Certainly, she did in the past, and he couldn’t give that to her. But still. He hopes that they’ll find a way to have a beautiful life together.

He hangs onto that thought with everything he has until he gets to Daisy’s place.

When he gets there, she still isn’t home. It freaks him out and threatens to send him spinning. Luckily, Teddy sees right through it and helps him as best he can.

“Just tell her what you feel,” he tells Billy. “I know that’s never been easy for you, but this time, you have to do it.” Teddy offers a reassuring smile. “And it may not mean much, but I’m rooting for you, son.”

It means the world actually, and he finds it in himself to say this out loud. Teddy nods, and then gives him a brief hug before he leaves.

Alone with his thoughts, he clings to Teddy’s belief and his love for Daisy, but as the minutes pass, it doesn’t take long for him to start to spiral. Thoughts of what she could be feeling or doing cloud his mind, and he can’t get rid of the doubts that set in. The ones that say he has no right to do this and what is he thinking and this could ruin everything. This decision could very well damn him to Hell.

Only there are just as many thoughts that tell him the opposite. That he does have a right to tell Daisy he loves her, that he needs to, and that she deserves to hear the truth. That he does know what he’s doing, and maybe it’s impulsive, but it doesn’t make it any less right. And that things are already ruined between him and Camila, and he might be doomed, but that means there’s no harm in starting over. In admitting what’s in his heart and mind for once in his life. If his life is truly broken, then he thinks the only way to repair it is with Daisy.

He doesn’t know if that will be enough, but it’s all he has for now.

Daisy comes into the living room where he thinks he’s wearing out the carpet, and it takes him a second to register that she’s here and he needs to start explaining why.

“Why are you here, Billy?”

He scrambles for an answer. One that will neatly tell her exactly what he’s feeling and what he wants it to mean for them. But there’s nothing neat about any of this. He decides to take Teddy’s advice, and just tell her what he feels.

“Because I…” he trails off, and already feels like he’s failing, but he can’t stop. “I’m in love with you, Daisy.”

Her breath catches and he lets the weight of words linger for just a few seconds. He wants her to know he’s telling the truth, and to do that, he can’t go rushing through this. She doesn’t reply, but it doesn’t deter him.

“I’m in love with you, and I needed to tell you. To be honest.”

She lets out a slow breath. “I shouldn’t have said what I did at the party. It was selfish and—”

He cuts her off, “No, you were right to say it. I’m glad you did. I needed to know.”

She looks like she’s on the verge of tears. “Billy…”

“I’m leaving Camila,” he says. “And it would be easier if it wasn’t all because of you and what happened when you tried to tell me you were pregnant, but we both know it’s not true. My leaving her has everything to do with you and Maggie and what I really want for my life. For your and Maggie’s lives, too.”

He gives her some more time, needing her to hear that he’s serious, that this isn’t some proclamation that he’s going to take back when he goes back to Camila. There is no going back for him. Not now. Not ever. He wants her to see that, but he won’t demand it from her.

“You’re really getting a divorce?” she asks. “You’re not just saying all of these things because you’re caught up in the moment? You won’t pretend that this never happened later?”

Her words threaten to wreck him. Because of her questions, he understands how badly he hurt her back when the band was together. Maybe he needed his lies for his own sanity, but they didn’t only impact him. He knew it back then, but Daisy forces him to confront it now. It makes him almost lose the small bit of nerve he has left.

If he’s capable of hurting her like that back then, he knows she’s thinking he could do it all over again. He doesn’t know how to convince her that he won’t. At least, not in the way he did. In the end, all he can do is swear it.

He nods. “Yes, I promise.”

He’s terrified of what she’ll say next or what she’ll decide. No matter what, he’ll respect it, and try to understand. But he knows a piece of him will always hold onto the hope that they can find a way to be together.

She looks away from him, and his heart sinks. She squeezes her eyes shut tight.

When she looks back at him, she looks heartbroken, and he wonders if coming here has been a mistake.

“I want to be with you. I’m sure you know that I do,” she starts. “Hell, I’ve wanted that since…” She shakes her head. “A long time. But we can’t.”

He’s hit with a wave of sadness and heartache, but he waits in case she has more to say.

“Not right now, at least,” she continues, “and I have no idea when or if that will change. I…” She hesitates. “I kissed Nicky tonight."

He wants to come up with the right response, but all he manages is, “Oh.”

She isn’t offended by it, if anything, she looks understanding. “I know. It was wrong and I shouldn’t have done it. But Billy…You just left your wife. I can’t be your consolation prize or who you have so you don’t have to be alone. I won’t do it to myself or Maggie.”

“That’s not what you are to me,” he replies. “Not at all. I wish that I could show or tell you how much that’s not true.”

She allows it, but only slightly. “I’m sure that’s how you’re feeling right now. But the truth of it is that Maggie matters more to me than taking the risk of trying with you.”

The worst part is that he understands what she’s saying, and why. Billy is a risk. One that could ruin everything Daisy’s worked to build for herself. If he were her, he’d probably turn him down, too. Especially with Maggie. Because she is the most important person here. As much as he wants Daisy to feel differently, he can’t blame her for any of it. Not when she’s trying to do her best for their kid and herself and maybe even him.

“I would never want to hurt Maggie,” he says. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.”

She sniffs. “Okay, so we go on as we have. I know that’s not what you want to hear but—”

“I understand.” His expression softens. “I promise, I do.”

She smiles, a little sad, but relieved, too. “Thank you.”

“I should go,” Billy tells her, and starts for the door.

She stops him. “Wait.” She bites her lip. “Do you have anywhere to stay right now?”

Oh, shit, he realizes. He really doesn’t. He could go back to his and Camila’s, but it already feels like strictly her house. Besides, if he goes back now, freshly rejected by Daisy, he worries he wouldn’t be strong enough to resist falling back into the familiar.

“I guess I don’t,” he admits.

She doesn’t hesitate here. “Do you want to stay here?” He must look surprised because she laughs. “In the guest room, of course.”

“I—”

“It’s okay,” she interrupts. “You can stay as long as you like. It won’t be weird. Maggie will absolutely love it.”

There are probably a million reasons why he shouldn’t—and why she shouldn’t have offered, but faced with shacking up in some hotel is such a depressing thought he can barely manage it. Besides, the temptation to be closer to Maggie is too much for him to turn down.

So, he agrees. “Okay.”

He follows Daisy upstairs, they’re quiet, careful not to wake Maggie. She gets some sheets from a linen closet and shows him to the guest room. It’s nice. Decorated like much of the rest of the house with a little bit of chaos and lots of color.

She smiles, a genuine, good one this time. “I know it’s not really your style, but I think it’ll do the trick.”

She goes to leave, but he knows he can’t let her go just yet.

“Daisy,” he gets out before he can stop himself.

She nods. “Yes?”

“For the record…” He thinks about stopping it there, dismissing it as nothing, but he knows if he did that, he wouldn’t be moving forward in the way he wants to. All that’s left is to keep trying. “I’m not giving up on us. I don’t care how long it takes for us to be able to be together. And if it never happens, then that’s fine by me. I will wait for you.”

“Billy—”

“You don’t have to say anything right now,” he goes on, “I don’t expect anything. I just wanted you to hear it.”

She swallows. “Okay. Good night, Billy.”

“Good night,” he responds.

She leaves then, and while he knows sleep won’t come easily tonight, he’s done all that he can for now. He’s doing his best to be different. To not just accept that his life has to be a certain way or he’ll crumble into pieces. He wants to be a better man for Daisy. He wants to give her everything she deserves. They could be magic together. And if she can’t believe in that for them right now, he’ll do it for both of them with everything he has.

Daisy wishes she could’ve said, “yes,” to Billy. To run into his arms and let him kiss her senselessly, but she couldn’t. Even though it hurt both of them, she’s positive she made the right decision.

For the time being, at least.

After she gives Billy some sheets for the guest room and he tells her he’ll wait for her, she retreats to her own room. When he said it, she wasn’t sure what she even thought it, let alone what she felt. There’d been a rush, of course, but she was able to walk away. In part because the whole night felt like a dream, too surreal to exist.

As the night passes, she does understand what she feels, and it scares the shit out of her.

Daisy is used to feeling the complex things. The ones that might send most sane people running. She usually doesn’t run from them, but right at them. Only being a mom has changed how she lives her life, for the better, most of the time. But it’s also made her more fearful, both when it comes to her own heart and Maggie’s. And there is nothing that would be riskier or more scary for her to do than to tell Billy she still loves him, and that she wants to try to be together, too.

She tosses and turns in her bed most of the night. Debating her choice and feeling the urge to walk down the hall and change her mind. But Maggie makes her stay where she is.

Because she needs him to be sure that he isn’t just diving into her because he’s lost Camila. That he isn’t seeking stability and safety amongst the wreckage he’s facing in his life. If she chooses him, she needs to know that he isn’t choosing her because she’s simply around and willing.

She needs to know that it’s Daisy he wants, and not just a “real” family with Maggie. That he doesn’t just love her but can see a future with her. One that might be messy sometimes, but that’s equally as stable and good and happy.

She won’t allow for anything less when there’s Maggie to think about.

Eventually, she does get some sleep, though it hardly helps. She knows she’ll be confronted with her choice in the morning, and the one after that, and for all the ones following. She doesn’t know if she truly believes Billy, that he will wait for her for the rest of their lives. But she does know better than to bet against him or convince herself that he didn’t mean what he said when he promised her.

Which means that she might be well and truly fucked, no matter what she decides.

Billy’s trying to lean into being honest, especially after Daisy rejected him. For all the right reasons, he understands now. That night, he was a disaster. Anyone in their right mind would turn him away. He hasn’t changed his mind though. He does want Daisy. He wants to love her as he always should have. He just has to prove that he can do it to her, earn her trust, and make her believe in him.

Which means the day after he tells Camila he wants a divorce, he calls his therapist and schedules an emergency session for a few days later.

“So,” Beth starts, “I understand you made some big life choices in twenty-four hours.”

He jokes, “You could say that. Though, it was more like six.”

Beth gives him a hint of a smile. “What led you to decide to leave Camila? I know you two have had some issues in the past, but…This is a dramatic change in everything you’ve told me about your relationship and what you want from it.”

He frowns. “Are you doubting my decision?”

She shakes her head. “No, Billy. I just want you to talk about this choice. It’s a big one, and, well, we both know you don’t always like talking about those. Especially when…”

“Daisy is involved, yeah.”

She folds her hands in front of her and leans forward. “This isn’t a space where you have to be perfect, Billy. The truth is hardly ever like that. But since we met, we’ve been working on honesty. I think this is a good opportunity for you to try that here.”

He makes a face, but in the end, she’s right. When he first started going to therapy, Beth told him that if it was going to work, if he was going to feel better about himself and his life, then he had to be honest. Maybe not all at once, but he had to try. Still, the thought is daunting. Even after seeing Beth for years now, he doesn’t trust himself.

But Beth isn’t going to let him walk away that easily. He should know, given how she refused to let him quit therapy after two months. She might be considerate and understanding, more than he sometimes he thinks he deserves, but she’s also a hardass. It’s probably the reason he’s stuck it out with her as long as he has.

“I was honest with Daisy, is the thing, and it didn’t do a bit of good.” He sighs. “Which, what the fuck, I guess. But I also get it. I get why my being honest wasn’t enough for her right now, but…Why did she say no?”

Beth flips the question back at him, “You say you understand why your being honest wasn’t enough for her to say yes, so why do you think she did?”

He blows out a breath. “I have no idea.” She gives him a long look, and he admits, “Fine. I do. I know it would be one hell of a gamble to try to be with me. Especially when I just left Cam. There are probably more reasons for her to reject me than there are for her not to, but,” he swallows, “it still…Hurts.”

She nods. “That’s okay, you know.”

His jaw twitches. “Maybe.”

“No, not maybe. It makes perfect sense that you would be hurting right now, even if you understand Daisy’s choice. Because you were truthful, and you put your heart on the line, but it still wasn’t enough. That’s painful, Billy.”

“You’re really cheering me up,” he quips.

She raises her brows. “We both know that’s not my job.”

He snorts. “And here I thought therapy was going to make me feel better.” He regrets saying it though, and explains, “I guess I thought, after the past few days, it would make everything easier. That was pretty dumb of me though.”

“It wasn’t dumb of you,” she says. “It makes sense. After all, you’ve talked before about how badly you wanted things to be easier. For you or Camila or Julia. And then when they came into your life, for Maggie and Daisy, too. But…”

“Life isn’t easy?” he guesses.

She allows, “Sometimes. You have to believe that it can be, one day. Maybe that day is close or far off, but if you don’t allow yourself to hope for it, and try your best to make it easy, then it never will be.”

He huffs. “So you’re telling me that in order for things to get easier, I have to try like hell?”

She smiles. “Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying.”

“No offense,” he starts, “but that sounds like a load of horseshit. I mean, isn’t the point of a simple, easy life that you don’t have to overthink anything? That you don’t have to fight tooth and nail to make it happy every step of the way.”

She leans back in her chair. “Do you really want an easy life?”

He frowns. “What do you mean? Doesn’t everyone?”

She shrugs. “We’re not talking about everyone. We’re talking about you.”

“How is that different?”

She presses on, undeterred, “Because it’s your life. The one you have to live, no one else’s, and the more we’ve talked about how much you want things to be easy for you and the people you love, the more I’ve doubted it’s what you want.”

Billy scoffs. “Well, that’s bullshit.”

She accepts it. “Maybe it is, but that’s for you to decide for yourself, not because you think it’s what you should want.”

“But what kind of man would I be if I didn’t want easy? I don’t think that would say anything good about me. I think…It would only hurt the people I love even more than I have. It seems to me that trying for anything other than easy would only hurt the people I love more. I’ve been down that road enough to know.”

“And why would that be?” Beth asks. “Why couldn’t it be that by admitting you don’t want a simple, easy life, you hurt the people you love? Because it sounds to me as if that could only help you take care of them.”

Billy makes a dissatisfied face. “And how is that?”

“Because,” she says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “you would be honest with them.”

Well, he should’ve definitely anticipated that one, but it’s nothing compared to what she hits him with next.

“You could show them how much you love them without the pressure to be good hanging over everything you do and say. You could accept that life is never truly easy, at least, not in the way you’re imagining it. By doing so, you could help yourself become the person you are genuinely proud to be while giving your loved ones everything you do want to give to them.”

The words settle over him. He prepares an attack on each sentence, but the longer he sits with what he wants to say in response, the more he realizes how trivial and useless they would be against what she’s told him. Because she’s kind of rewired how he’s been thinking about himself and his life for years now, and he wonders just how long she’s been waiting to do so. Probably a while. Maybe, given how Beth is, from their very first session.

More than anything, he wants to be the man that Daisy, Maggie, and Jules deserve. It’s not just that though, he wants to be the kind of man he doesn’t hate with everything piece of himself. Before, he thought that in order to do both of those things, he couldn’t embrace the messiness of himself. Even with being truthful to Daisy about how he feels, he still wants to protect her from him, to show her that he won’t hurt her again now that he’s all better, and that they can have a good life together. An easy one, the kind he’s always thought he needed to be able to give her, or it wouldn’t be worth trying.

Except now Beth’s telling him the opposite is true, and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

He rubs his palms on his jeans, trying to find any kind of reply that might help him.

Ultimately, he surrenders to not knowing. “How the hell do I do that?”

Again, Beth is kind but unyielding. “You just try.” When his expression shifts at that, she suppresses a smile. “I know that isn’t a glamorous answer or the one you want. It’s the truth though, and just because you’ve faced being honest when it comes to your feelings, and what that means for you and Daisy and you and Camila, it doesn’t mean you have when it comes to yourself.”

He blows out a breath. “You’re a real pain in my ass.”

“I’m aware, but it’s also my job, so I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“How do I even start to try? How am I supposed to know what that feels like or entails or…” He runs a hand over his mouth. “How do I show the people I love that I’m trying, really this time, and tell them all this shit?”

Beth waits for a moment, and then says, “Hell if I know.” He laughs, and she adds, “But you just do it. You trust that the people who you love and love you in return will understand. And if they’re anything like how you describe them to me, then I am sure they will. They might even be able to help you, too, if you let them.”

He swallows. “What if I hurt them again? What if I fuck it all up by trying to be honest?”

“Then you do, and you work to repair whatever trust you’ve broken,” she answers.

He sighs. “Okay.”

“You aren’t alone in this, Billy. I promise you that. But if you’re truly going to get the kind of life I think you want, then you gotta get your shit together.”

He lets out a surprised sound. He doesn’t think he’s ever heard her curse before. Her words are an equal amount terrifying and a comfort. Because Billy doesn’t want to be alone. He thinks that might be another thing he needs to work on later. For now, though, he’ll focus on what Beth says. On being honest about himself and what’s in his heart and head.

If he doesn’t, then he might very well lose everything and everyone he loves.

“So,” he says, “you’re telling me I still have to come see you every other week?”

She snorts. “Yes, Billy, that is what I’m saying.”

It doesn’t even begin to fix everything, but he thinks that it’s a good start. If he can lean on Beth, and let himself lean on Warren and Teddy and Daisy and the rest of them, then he can almost believe that it will work sometime in the future.

He won’t have the kind of life he promised Cam when they were kids, but he’s starting to suspect that was a foolish kid’s dream. Beth’s probably right: that kind of life isn’t real. Certainly, after everything they put one another through, it wasn’t going to be for him and Cami. The thought makes him sad, yes, and a little bit in mourning for that version of his life. He has to accept that his marriage is over and that dream world he thought of for the two of them probably never existed in the first place.

In the same breath, he’s grateful he’s been able to let it go, and envision a different one for himself. For Daisy and Maggie and Jules, too. The more he thinks about it, the more he starts to believe in himself, in all of them. If they can find a way to get through what they already have, then he can have hope that they’ll be able to bring even more into their lives.

So, even if it means waiting months or years or a decade, he’ll do it. He’ll put in the work. The alternative is a lifetime of keeping everyone at arm’s length, and maybe he’d be protected, and be able to convince himself that his loved ones were safe from him, but it wouldn’t be the kind of life any of them deserve, even him. The one he wants, more than almost anything else. It’s not going to be simple or easy or maybe even good, sometimes, but it’s his life.

For now, that will have to be enough.

Chapter Text

It’s a week before Thanksgiving, and Daisy is unbelievably fucked.

She forgot about her and Maggie’s Thanksgiving Day plans with everything going on. To make matters worse, she knows that her daughter barely accepted how last year wasn’t the trip of her dreams. She wasn’t yet tall enough to go on the rides she wanted to, and things with Billy were still fresh and tense. Maggie got over it fine, but this time around, Daisy won’t be so easily forgiven. 

Because Maggie’s expecting Daisy to take her to Disneyland as part of their yearly tradition.

Instead, Daisy’s going to have to let her know she doesn’t have tickets this year since they’re sold out. 

She even tried using some of her connections, but she failed. Apparently, her rockstar status doesn’t extend to theme parks. Billy does his best to reassure her that Maggie will be okay, but she isn’t convinced. And focusing on this hiccup helps her avoid all the unresolved feelings she and Billy have for one another. Which means she dives into the massive Disneyland Problem headfirst.

Nicky asks what their holiday plans are, though he admits he has no idea why they celebrate it in the first place, and she almost chews his head off as she explains the situation at the park. Billy’s pushing Maggie on the swings, but he keeps glancing over at her and Nicky every so often. Enough that Nicky notices.

“Daisy, I didn’t say anything untoward. It’s not my fault you didn’t get the tickets. I know you’re frustrated, but I expect you have a reason for being so—”

“So what?” she snaps.

Nicky replies, “I think I’m being pretty understanding, given everything that happened on Halloween and—”

She refuses to let him finish that sentence. “You cannot be making Halloween about you.”

Nicky realizes his mistake when she emphasizes her statement by raising her brows and admits defeat. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have…Well, regardless, I apologize.”

It’s not quite enough, but she doesn’t feel like having a public meltdown with him. She isn’t sure he deserves the effort. But more than that, Maggie’s so happy right now. Especially since Billy moved in. Her face when she saw him making pancakes the morning after Halloween was precious. And while Daisy didn’t expect it, she likes Nicky, too. She finds him funny. Things are going better than she could’ve ever expected.

Daisy can’t ruin that just because the old wounds Nicky left on her haven’t healed. 

“Thank you.” She rubs a hand over her forehead. “I’m just stressed, and this is important to Maggie and I don’t want to disappoint her.”

Nicky nods. “It’s really that important to you both?”

She sighs. “Yeah, it is.”

Something sparks in Nicky’s eyes, something she doesn’t trust one bit, but she doesn’t have the chance to grill him about it because Maggie calls her name, begging her to come and play with her. The rest of the day is easier. Maybe it was still weird and not at all how she imagined her life a few years, or even months, ago. But somehow, it might be good anyway.

When Daisy told Billy that Nicky was no help with their Disneyland issue, he wasn’t surprised.

After all, he thinks there’s very little that Nicky could do to be of help where absolutely anything is concerned.

He’d more likely bet on Nicky ruining something.

Not that he’s going to say that to Daisy, though, of course, it doesn’t stop him from saying it to Warren, Teddy, and Graham. They’re sympathetic and agree, for the most part. None of them have a reason to trust Nicky, or even try. It’s different for Daisy, but he wishes it wasn’t. That she’d see how she doesn’t need Nicky in her life to be a good mom. She’s already proven that she doesn’t need Nicky or Billy to do that. It’s painful to admit, but his therapist Beth is encouraging him to embrace the parts of his life he doesn’t like or understand. Even if they hurt.

Two days before Thanksgiving comes, and there’s still no solution to getting Maggie to the happiest place on Earth. Billy wishes he could fix things, but it’s been too long since he had any kind of power over people. So, Daisy asks Billy if he’ll tell Maggie about them not going Disneyland together. 

“I think you’ll help soften the blow,” she says, and then smiles. “I hope she’s so obsessed with you and Julia that she won’t mind having a normal Thanksgiving this year.”

Billy hesitates, and Daisy frowns. He’s been hoping he could avoid this. Eventually, though, he’s forced to tell her the truth. 

“I don’t have Julia for Thanksgiving,” he says. 

“What? But I thought you said—”

“Cam decided to take her to Pittsburgh to see her family at the last minute.” He winces. “She’s going to spend a day or two with my mom and Graham while she’s there, but…”

“I’m so sorry.” She looks nearly as heartbroken as he feels. “Is she excited to see your mom and Graham at least?”

“Yeah, she is. She keeps talking about all the stuff they’re gonna do. And she does want to practice her Spanish with Cam’s parents. It’s not the worst thing in the world but…” 

“Still fucking blows,” she finishes.

“Yep.” He blows out a breath. “But it’ll be good to be here.”

Daisy gives him a reassuring smile. “Maggie will love it, no matter what, and…I’m really glad you’re here, too.”

He finds it in himself to return her smile. Daisy reaches out and grasps his hand. It only lasts a moment. It means more to him than it has any right to, but he’s long since let go of that since she came back into his life. 

The moment’s interrupted when someone knocks at Daisy’s door, and it might be for the best, but he misses the feel of her hand in his anyway. The feeling doesn’t last long, but only because it’s overshadowed by Nicky being the one who’s at the door. He’s trying his best to accept that Nicky’s around now, for who knows how long, but it’s proving harder for him to deal with the reality of seeing him all the time.

Billy gives Nicky a tight smile. “Hey, man.”

“I didn’t think we had plans today.” Daisy adds, “And we’re just about to give Maggie the bad news, so…”

“You don’t have to,” Nicky says, excited. 

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“I bought it out!” Nicky grins. “Isn’t that great?”

Billy thinks he knows where this is going, but Daisy shakes her head.

“Bought what out?”

“Disneyland, of course,” Nicky replies. “You said how important it is to you and Maggie, so I made a few phone calls to try and get tickets. But when that didn’t work, I said to hell with it, and decided to buy the whole place out for the day.”

Billy’s first thought isn’t kind, but then again, he’s way past denying the particularly heated brand of jealousy he feels toward Nicky. Still, it doesn’t stop the bitterness. Because…No shit Nicky fixed everything. That makes exact sense with how his life is going at the moment. 

Fucking perfect .

He thinks it can’t possibly get any worse than Nicky swooping in and solving Daisy’s problem, but then she practically leaps into his arms, and he knows better.

It’s the most affection she’s shown Nicky since Halloween. It reminds him of their kiss that night, the one he didn’t see but can’t get out of his head. He’s filled with another hot flare of jealousy. It might be absurd, but he can’t help it. Memories of the AURORA tour and watching her with Nicky still plague his thoughts sometimes. Especially now that he’s back in their lives. Because it’s one thing to promise to wait for Daisy and for her to say that they can be together one day, it’s a whole other for her to actually follow through on that.

But he doesn’t have a right to be an asshole, at least, not right now. If he shows how he feels, then it might do more harm to his and Daisy’s relationship—whatever its status is at the moment. As much as he hates Nicky, he loves Daisy more. So, even if it’s just this once, he buries his feelings of disdain. 

Daisy releases her hold on Nicky, and the world feels slightly less off its axis.

“Thanks, man,” Billy manages to get out without sounding like he wants to punch him. “Really. You’re a lifesaver. Maggie will be thrilled, and honestly, I couldn’t be more relieved we don’t have to disappoint her.”

He can see Nicky’s taken aback by Billy’s offering of neutrality between the two of them, but luckily, he doesn’t fight it.

“Happy to help,” he replies. “I figure we can invite everyone and make it a bit of a party.”

Daisy grins. “That sounds perfect. Thank you. I honestly was dreading the whole holiday because of it.”

Nicky waves her off. “Not a problem.”

“I’m gonna go to tell her,” Daisy says, looking from Nicky to Billy. “Be right back.” 

As soon as she’s upstairs (and hopefully out of earshot), Billy takes the opportunity to ask Nicky what’s been bothering him lately. Beth told him that he had to do it if it was having such a strong impact on him. It doesn’t make it easier to decide to do it. If he doesn’t do it now though, he isn’t sure he ever will, and then he’ll never be able to start to feel at ease around Nicky. 

It starts badly, even though he’s been thinking about how to phrase this for a week. “Nicky, I gotta ask…What are your intentions here?”

Nicky frowns. “My intentions?”

Billy nods, and in the end, rushes it all out. “Yes. I need to know why you’re here, and what you want from Maggie. You say you’re cool with her not thinking of you as a father, but that doesn’t explain why you’re still hanging around, and what you think you’re going to get out of it. Maggie’s my daughter. I need to know if I have to protect her from you.”

“I don’t think—”

“I don’t care if you think it’s none of my business,” Billy cuts in. “It is. Whether you see that or not is up to you, but I’m not going to back down just because it’s complicated.”

Nicky’s jaw twitches and Billy worries he’s picked a fight he knows will hurt Daisy and Maggie more than him. 

“I don’t know,” Nicky admits.

It can’t possibly be his explanation, but Billy waits for him to continue. When he doesn’t, he can’t fight off the dread it brings. Because it’d be one thing if Nicky was trying to make up for being a dick or just trying to sleep with Daisy or anything else that Billy’s already thought of as his possible motivation. It’s an entirely different thing to face that Nicky might want more than just a simple boost of his ego or a selfish kind of redemption. 

“What does that mean?” he asks, though he suspects he already knows the answer.

Still, he decides to make Nicky say it, though he doesn’t think it’s going to help improve anything. It might make everything even more of a mess. A piece of him isn’t convinced he doesn’t kind of want that—to have the opportunity to prove to Daisy that she should choose him.

Or maybe he’s just a glutton for punishment. 

Regardless, he can’t stop Nicky’s reply now.

“I meant it. I don’t know what I want from…Any of this. I just know that I was a royal asshole in the past, and I want to make up for it any way that I can.”

Billy can’t stop himself from asking, “Do you really think you even can make up for what you did?” 

The question has nothing to do with Nicky, he knows that, but it’s harder to face it. Because the truth is that he’s been asking himself that same question for almost a month now. How could Daisy forgive him after everything that happened? She’s said that he doesn’t have anything she needs to forgive him for, but he isn’t sure he believes her. After all, he put her through so much when the band was together, and then again when he found out about Maggie. He hates the thought that no matter how hard he tries, he’ll never be able to convince her to trust him. 

Nicky looks at him as if he knows what Billy’s really trying to get at. It unnerves him. Because Nicky isn’t supposed to know anything when it comes to Billy. They’re meant to be worlds apart. And yet…Well, he supposes that they do have some things in common. At least, for now.

“Billy, I have no idea.”

He scoffs. “Then why are you here at all? If you don’t know what you want and don’t know if whatever you do end up wanting is possible? Why bother with any of it?”

Nicky gets irritated then, and Billy can’t say he doesn’t kind of enjoy it. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Like hell you do,” he shoots back.

Nicky shakes his head. “I don’t. I have to explain myself to Daisy, sure, and do my best to not be such a selfish shit. I owe it to her to be a better guy for both her and Maggie’s sake, but that’s it. I didn’t break any trust that existed between us. I didn’t hurt you . This has nothing to do with you, so get over it.”

Billy isn’t sure how to respond at first. He hates to acknowledge it, but Nicky might have made some valid points. It isn’t on Billy to forgive Nicky. But somehow…That doesn’t feel right. Even though Nicky hurt Daisy and went back on all that he should’ve done as her husband, Billy feels betrayed by him, too. He hated Nicky from the moment he laid eyes on him, but he thought he cared about her. That he could help her in ways that Billy couldn’t. So, while Nicky didn’t cause him pain directly, he’s still angry, and he knows that no matter how many weeks or months pass, that will probably never change.

Only he thinks if he even tried to say any of that, it wouldn’t come out right.

That doesn’t mean he backs down in the least. 

“No, Nicky, that’s not how any of this works.” He gets closer to Nicky, maybe a little too close. “At least, not where Maggie’s concerned. Maybe you’re right and whatever you’re working out with Daisy isn’t my business. But I don’t care, I’ll make it my business if I have to. And if you ever hurt Daisy or Maggie, I’ll knock your fucking teeth out. Again.”

It might spell out disaster, but he doesn’t regret a single word. Whatever the state of his and Daisy’s relationship, she’s still an important part of his life. He refuses to allow Nicky to come in and wreck what she’s built for herself. Or cause his daughter any pain. He doesn’t care if he’s overstepped. This is his family, and Nicky’s not going to come in and ruin that just because he has some regrets.

Nicky sucks at his teeth. “If that’s how you want it to be then I guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

It surprises Billy. He didn’t expect Nicky to cave so easily. He doesn’t trust it, but it gives him enough pause that Nicky decides to continue.

“And by now I know better than to bring this to Daisy. She’ll only take your side.”

Billy isn’t so sure about that, but it’s for the best that Nicky believes it. The last thing he wants is to push her away by trying to keep her safe. He knows she likes to be protected, but she needs her freedom just as much. 

Billy narrows his eyes. “That’s it?” 

Nicky hesitates but nods. “That’s it. For now, at least.” Just before Daisy and Maggie come downstairs, he says, his voice low so that only Billy will hear, “But don’t think I’m going to give up on her without a fight.”

Fucking hell. Billy’s got to find a way to get rid of this guy. Or, perhaps more likely, convince Daisy that she can trust him and that she should choose him . 

Which means he’s got his work cut out for him. 

Daisy is positive that Billy’s holding in his resentment toward Nicky for Maggie’s sake, and it might not make sense, but it brings out a warm, fuzzy feeling in her chest. She wouldn’t be shocked (or even all that upset) if he didn’t try to hide it. After all, he’s been plenty vocal about it in the past. But this time he knows what their Thanksgiving tradition means, and he seems to be willing to put his and Nicky’s mutual dislike for one another secondary to Maggie’s happiness.

Still, something’s different between the two of them, and while she wants to ask, she waits to see if Billy will tell her himself.

On Thanksgiving Day, Maggie wakes Daisy up at six in the morning. By now, she’s accepted her daughter’s sleep schedule, but she’s never been a morning person. Not even after years of being dragged out of bed for pancakes or cartoons. At least she has Billy to share her suffering with now. 

Once Daisy’s awake, Maggie rushes to get him out of bed. She hears her drag him downstairs while she brushes her teeth. She’s filled with a soft affection for her life right now. It might not be perfect or make sense from an outside view, but it feels good to her, and Maggie’s happy, and that’s all she needs.

“Smells good,” she says when she comes into the kitchen.

“We’re making Mickey Mouse pancakes!” Maggie exclaims. 

Daisy raises her brows at Billy. “Impressive. I didn’t know you were a pancake artist.”

He waves a hand. “They’re not as hard as they look. Trust me.”

“And plenty of bacon,” Maggie adds. “Daddy said we had to burn some for you.”

Billy laughs. “More like incinerated.”

Daisy rolls her eyes. “It’s bacon. It’s better when crispy.”

Billy and Maggie look at one another. 

Maggie shakes her head. “Nah!” 

She huffs. “Two against one is so not fair. Now, please tell me there’s coffee.”

Billy nods and points to the full pot on the counter with a spatula. 

“You know, if you keep treating me like this, I’m going to get spoiled,” she tells him as she pours herself a cup.

Billy grins. “I don’t see a problem with that.” He looks at Maggie. “Is it okay with you if I spoil your Mom?”

Maggie puts down a piece of bacon and replies, “Okay! But only if I get spoiled, too.”

Daisy gestures to Maggie and turns to Billy. “See what you’ve done?”

Billy shrugs. “Works for me.”

He smiles at her and she can’t stop herself from returning it, feeling her whole face light up with it.

In the seventies, Billy didn’t laugh or smile all the time, especially when they first met. He scowled a lot. Of course, that never stopped her from trying to get just a hint of joy out of him. Then everything changed, and it was back to anger and irritation while they were on tour when Nicky was still around. And then after Miami, it was all worry and concern. Then heartbreak when she let him go. 

He’s more relaxed now as if he can let himself breathe and joke around. It might be wrong, but she can’t help but think that everything’s been easier since he left Camila. It isn’t the whole truth, of course, given how the divorce is going, but Daisy has hope that will work itself out.

Sometimes, she does worry that he allows his regrets or the past to weigh too heavily on his shoulders, bearing the kind of guilt she isn’t sure anyone, even her, could relieve him of. She wants to though, more than almost anything else, but she also knows that if the two of them are going to have a future, there are some things both of them have to sort out on their own. But she’ll be there, every step of the way, even if it takes years.

When they finish breakfast, Maggie’s practically jumping up and down, so Daisy takes her upstairs and gets her dressed.

“Can I get Mickey ears again?” she asks.

“Of course,” Daisy replies. “We get them every year.”

“But you’ll get Daddy to wear them too this year, right?”

She nods. “If I have to, I’ll force them on his head.” Maggie giggles, and she adds, “You can pick them out, too.”

Maggie’s so delighted by the prospect it only makes her feel a tiny bit bad for Billy. God knows she’ll probably pick something sparkly and pink (her current favorite color). Daisy doesn’t doubt that he’ll wear them anyway. 

When they first started doing this, she didn’t know what kind of dad he’d be to Maggie. She should’ve known though that he wouldn’t just be loving. He’s devoted and funny but also helpful beyond words. Most days, she can’t believe she did any of it without him for as long as she did. 

Everyone else meets them at the entrance of the park, including Nicky. Only Teddy couldn’t get away from work to come, but he’s planning to meet them for dinner later, so Daisy and Billy decide to let it go. But they’re still going to give him a speech about slowing down at said dinner. Despite the rest of them being well into adulthood, no one wants to miss an opportunity for a private Disneyland.

Even Daisy has to do her best to not be impressed, and overly grateful. She’d been trying otherwise, but a piece of her still didn’t trust him with Maggie before this. Now, she’s starting to think that maybe she can. Not in the way she once did, but as something different. New. 

It’s not a thought she feels ready to share with Billy just yet though. 

Not because she thinks he’ll be so angry with her (though that is a small fear) that he won’t speak to her again or that he won’t trust her to do what’s right for Maggie. Rather, she doesn’t want to risk what’s been building for the two of them the past few weeks since he moved in. If she tells him about possibly letting Nicky off probation, it could stop whatever is happening between them in its tracks. And even if that might be for the best, it isn’t what she wants. Or what she thinks he wants, either. 

Once they have badges and are through the front gates, they all look out at the empty Disneyland. It’s a sight she’s never seen before and is kind of amazing. Maybe a little spooky, too, honestly. But Maggie’s thrilled, so she doesn’t linger on the thought. 

Eddie looks at Nicky. “How rich are you? Because, I gotta say, I could get used to this kind of lifestyle.”

Nicky snorts. “No offense, but you’re not my type.”

“What? No, I—” Eddie starts to say, but he’s interrupted by Warren cackling.

“Yikes, burn!”

Eddie shakes his head. “That wasn’t—”

Eddie never manages to recover from that since he’s drowned out by the rest of them laughing, too. 

The attendants and ride operators are more than happy to help them with everything from securing an ice cream (it’s ten in the morning but screw it) to meet and greets with Princesses and then helping Maggie figure out what rides she wants to start with. It seems like she wants to do all of them. At least, those that she’s tall enough to go on. Which, thankfully, is most of the kid ones. 

On each ride, Maggie picks someone new to sit next to her, but more often than not, she chooses Billy. Daisy can see how much it means to him. She still feels guilty for the years he didn’t get to spend with her, but she thinks they’re all making up for it, every day.

She isn’t sure when she first thinks of it, but she thinks it starts when she and Billy are next to one another on the Dumbo ride. Maggie’s with Eddie in front of them. At first, they’re perfectly well-behaved.

But then Daisy says, “I’m happy you’re here, Billy.”

She doesn’t know why exactly she chose this moment, but it feels as good as any.

He looks over at her and smiles. “Me, too.”

This time, she thinks about what she says before she does. “I like that we’re doing this. Together. As, you know…”

“A family?” he guesses.

She swallows and her voice is quiet when she responds, “Yeah.”

“I love our family, too, Dais.”

He realizes what he’s said too late, and Daisy must look as shocked as she feels because he starts to take it back.

“It’s okay,” she reassures him, and she decides to take a risk. “I feel the same.”

Maggie calls out to them both and they face front again, but their good behavior doesn’t last long.

Billy’s leg touches hers and she feels the heat from all over her body. More than should be possible. She can’t risk looking at him, but he must feel it, too. If he doesn’t, she isn’t sure how she’ll recover. Eventually, she glances over at him in the corner of her eye and finds that he’s already looking at her. If his touch is giving her heat, then the look on his face must set her on fire. 

When they get off the ride, Daisy feels electrified, and part of her already knows what she’s going to do. Still, she decides to give it some time to make sure she’s making the right decision. Because there’s no taking it back once she does. They go on a few more rides before Maggie claims she’s starving.

Daisy takes a gamble and tells Nicky, “Why don’t you grab some food with her and everyone else?” She looks at Billy. “I need to talk to you about some stuff with my second album.”

It’s an outright lie, but she isn’t ready to include Nicky in this decision. It could ruin it. Or, at the very least, make the rest of the day extremely awkward.

Billy is a little surprised, but says to Nicky, “Works for me.”

There’s a tightness to his tone she knows she isn’t imagining, but she chooses to not dwell on that right now. 

As soon as Nicky, Maggie, and the rest of them have left for one of the restaurants, she turns to Billy. “Did you know that when Nicky bought out the park they disabled the security cameras for the day?”

“What?” he asks.

Fuck. She’s probably getting ahead of herself, but she won’t back down now. She knows what she wants, and for once, she decides to take it.

“Do you want to go for a ride?” she asks. 

It might not be her most romantic moment, but fuck it. They have time for romance. Right now, she just needs to dive into this choice and not look back. 

“We were just on a ride?” 

Jesus Christ. This man needs to improve his knowledge of sexual innuendos. She can’t believe he’s the one she wants. Then again, she knows she can, maybe too much. 

“I said…” She grins. “Do you want to go for a ride?” She bites her lip and twirls a curl around her finger. “With just me.”

His jaw goes slack as her meaning registers. She laughs at the way his eyes go wide. She doesn’t wait for a reply. Instead, she grins at him with just a spark of danger in her eyes and spins around. She starts walking, and for a moment, she worries she’s made a mistake, but it doesn’t last long. 

Billy lets Daisy stride ahead of him for a few moments before he practically sprints after her. 

When he catches up to her, he can’t help himself. “Are you seriously saying—”

“Yes,” she cuts him off.

He gapes at her and she grins. “You seriously want to…”

“Yep,” she finishes.

He looks around at the park as they continue to walk to an unknown destination. Though he’s betting she has a plan. It seems a little absurd to think so, but he wonders if she’s had one for longer than just the past hour.

“ Here ?” he asks, still unable to believe it.

She laughs. “Yes, Billy. Here.”

“Isn’t that a little…” he trails off, still doing his best to wrap around what she’s suggesting.

“We don’t have to,” she says, almost teasing, “I’m fine with pretending like I never asked…”

“I didn’t say that,” he responds, as fast as he can.

He can’t risk giving her any extra time to change her mind.

Her eyes light up with something that under different circumstances would terrify him. But there’s no reason to be afraid of what he and Daisy have anymore. There’s no reason to run from it or pretend that he doesn’t feel it.

She sighs. “Okay, then.” 

It occurs to him that even though he’s sure she isn’t doubting her decision, she might be nervous that he might. So, he does the only thing he thinks will help and reaches down to take her hand in his. She looks up at him, a question forming on her lips. 

“Lead the way,” he tells her as an answer. 

“You’re sure?” she asks.

He knows she needs more now than just his hand, so he goes with the truth. “Daisy, at this point, I think I’d follow you anywhere.”

She laughs. “We’ll see how you feel about that when we get to our destination.”

He frowns but she just smiles and tells him that he’s going to have to wait and see. If it were anyone else, he wouldn’t trust them. Or he’d at least think this was some kind of prank. But it’s Daisy and…Well, he doesn’t need any other explanation. 

It’s Daisy. That’s the difference. 

And frankly, it’s the only one he needs. Because Nicky might still be around and he worries that his presence could ruin everything. But at this moment, she’s choosing him. He doesn’t have the will to refuse her and knows he needs to choose her right back. 

When they arrive at her chosen location, he lets out a surprised laugh. 

She gestures with her free hand. “What do you think, babe? Will it work?”

It’s perfect. Given how well he knows her, he probably should’ve seen this coming. Because she’s taken him to nowhere else but The Haunted Mansion. 

She tugs on his hand and he goes willingly with her past the front gates. He remembers it vaguely from when he brought Julia for her sixth birthday. He hardly takes in any new additions to the park now though. He’s too busy noticing everything about Daisy, marking the places he wants to touch and kiss once he’s able to.

He still can’t believe that they’re doing this, but…There’s no going back now. Not that he wants to one bit.

They walk through the first two rooms of the mansion, taking in the different paintings that “watch” you as you move and other details Billy won’t remember later. He can’t be blamed though, not when Daisy’s hand is still in his and she’s looking at him like…Like they’ve already fucked again. 

Memories of the first time make him even more anxious to have her again. To be close to her in that way. And he knows that this time will be different. Maybe not in all the ways he wants it to be, but in the most important ones. He’s sure that this time, neither one of them will run away from the other. That matters more than anything else. 

As soon as they’re in their carriage and start moving through the mansion, Daisy doesn’t waste a second. Her mouth lands on his, and Billy doesn’t need any time to catch up. He meets her right where she’s at. Her hands bury themselves in his hair and he lets out a low moan when she bites his lower lip. His hands go wherever they want. Which ends up being every part of her that he can reach. Squeezing her waist and stroking her cheek, touching her as much as he can with her sitting next to him. 

She lifts a leg and lands in his lap. When she rolls her hips against his, he feels himself harden at just the thought of her. She does it again, and they both gasp as they break apart for air. 

Daisy touches her forehead to his. Once they’re breathing is under control, she jokes, “So, it’s good to know we’ve still got that going for us.”

Her voice is strained from her desire, and the sound threatens to undo him. She licks her lip and looks down at him. Everything he feels for her is reflected in her eyes. He chases the intensity it brings by kissing her and pulling her close so she’s flush against him while still in his lap. 

When she suggested this, he did take a moment to make sure it was a smart idea. Or, at least, a good or right one. Because those two things might be different when it comes to this. 

It might not be smart to have sex with Daisy when he left Camila a few weeks ago and they have a kid to raise together and there’s so much history between them. It could very well ruin everything. It’s not a safe choice. Only…Neither one of them has ever had any interest in that kind of life, and he’s finally able to admit that to himself. 

But it does feel like a good decision. More than it feels good, even, it feels right. It’s his choice and an inevitable one. It feels like the thing he does in every other universe that’s different from this one. He’s positive that no matter what happens next, he will never regret this moment. 

Which is all he needs to be sure of, at least, for right now. 

Billy allows himself to be lost in Daisy. How her skin feels underneath his hands, her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth, and the sounds she makes. The ones that she must know drive him crazy because she never stops making them. 

His hands go to her thighs. She’s wearing a long skirt. He starts to push it up while rubbing circles into her skin, and she nods without breaking off their kiss. When he reaches her panties, he teases her through the thin fabric. She whines against his mouth.

“Please, Billy. Touch me.”

“I am touching you,” he replies.

He keeps teasing her, giving her just enough to keep needing more. She grinds her hips against him. He can only wait her out so long before he gives her what she wants with one of his fingers. She’s soaked and he wants her so badly he isn’t sure how much longer he can wait. He adds another finger and keeps working her, eliciting the sweetest moans from her mouth.

When he curls his fingers, she pleads, “I want you inside me, Billy. I want to feel you.”

Her hands go to his jeans and he helps her get them low enough on his hips that she can wrap her hand around his cock. He spews out a string of curses as she works him, and smirks when she gives him a dirty kiss on the mouth. He’s had plenty of sex in his life, but it’s never felt like this with anyone else, like how it does with Daisy.

And it’s not just because they’re fucking in a moving Doom Buggie in the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. 

It’s…Just her, and the effect she has on him. No one else has ever managed to do what she does. Not even Camila. Maybe that makes him a bad person, but for now, he decides if he gets to have this with Daisy, then he’ll be bad. 

He strips her panties off of her and she shoves them into the pocket of his jeans. 

“The last thing we need is some poor park employee to find them,” she jokes.

“But they would be pretty grateful,” he says with a laugh.

She starts to call him an idiot but is cut off when he places a hand over hers and helps her guide his cock into her. He hits her hot center on the first thrust, and she cries out. He worries for a second that they’re being too loud, but then remembers that the ride is automated and there are no cameras. And maybe they should have some shame for doing this here but he doesn’t have to feel shame for being in love with her. He knows she isn’t ready to hear it just yet, especially right now, so he shows it to her in every other way.

She rolls her hips against his again, and this time, he masks the sound she makes with his mouth. He keeps one hand on her waist, holding her steady as he thrusts into her. He tugs on her hair roughly with the other and finds himself lost to her unspoken desires and needs. 

“You’re so good to me,” he tells her as she grinds down into his lap. The hand in her hair buries itself into her scalp and she gasps. 

“I haven’t done this in so long, Billy. It feels so good. I always wanted it to be…God, I need you.”

He slates his mouth over hers and their tongues tangle together. If he could drown in her, he would, no question about it. Her admission means a lot. Not because he’s so much of a prick that he thinks she shouldn’t have been with anyone the years they spent apart. It matters to him because of the honesty it brings. The fact that she believes she can share those parts of her life with him eases his concerns that he’s asking for too much, or that she isn’t ready for this. 

When they’re both getting close, he takes the hand that’s in her hair and moves it down her body, touching everywhere he wants as he goes. His hand goes lower and she pants out sweet sounds of pleasure when he presses down on her clit. 

She comes first, crying out a mix of curses and his name. Her legs tremble and he works to hold her up until he comes, too. She clings onto him as they get themselves under control. When their breathing is okay and their bodies have started to recover, she lifts herself off of his lap.

He hands her panties to her and she snorts out a laugh. In the end, he can’t stop himself from joining her. 

“That was kind of nuts, I guess,” she admits as she puts them on.

He snorts. “Kind of?”

She points a finger at him. “Hey! I didn’t see you complaining!”

He shakes his head and their carriage arrives at the end of the ride. He helps her out and she salutes one of the haunted paintings. 

“I hope they enjoyed the show,” she says to him.

He rolls his eyes, fighting off a smile and failing.

When they exit the building, Billy isn’t quite sure where they stand. Sure, they just had sex, but that doesn’t mean that they’re together . Billy’s certain that he wants to take a few more steps before they get there. Like, take her out on a proper date or kiss her goodnight. 

Which, well, they might’ve skipped a few steps just now. But he still thinks they matter, and not only to him. If they’re going to have a chance, then he needs to show Daisy he doesn’t just want her because he doesn’t want to be alone or because of Maggie. He wants their family, of course, but he wants her .

As if she can sense he’s spiraling, she shoves at his shoulder. “Don’t overthink it, okay?”

He nods. “Alright.”

“Come on,” she says, stretching out a hand. “I’m betting that there’s a pair of pink bedazzled Mickey Mouse ears with your name on them.”

Billy doesn’t hesitate. He takes her hand in his and holds on tight. Today hasn’t provided him with everything he wants for himself, Daisy, and Maggie. But still. It’s been pretty damn magical, all the same. 

Chapter Text

Marlene Dunne calls Daisy a week before Christmas, and, even though she tries not to be, she’s more than a little terrified. 

“Daisy?” Marlene greets, “Is a now good time to talk? I hope you don’t mind, I got your number from Graham.”

Apprehension coats Daisy’s insides. Her immediate reaction is to get off the phone as quickly as possible. Whatever Billy’s mom needs to say to her, she bets it isn’t anything good. After all, she and her daughter are the reason Billy’s entangled in a divorce that spells disaster. Especially if he and Camila don’t find a way to communicate that isn’t strictly through their lawyers. 

In the beginning, they didn’t make it through three phone calls without Billy needing to take the phone out in the backyard so Maggie wouldn’t hear them yell. Even the time Billy spends with Julia is under scrutiny.

And when Daisy decided to keep Maggie from Billy for years, it also led to Marlene never knowing she had a second grandchild until less than two years ago. There are so many reasons why Marlene should hate Daisy, and she doesn’t know her well enough to know if she’s the kind of woman to tell her just how much and in what ways.

Moms have never been her strong suit, she worries this time won’t be any different.

“Actually I don’t know if I—”

“It won’t take long,” Marlene cuts her off. “I just need a few minutes.”

Her tone is kind, but resolute. There’s no real arguing with her. Since it seems that she doesn’t have a choice, she masks her concerns in a bright, easy tone.

“Oh, in that case, please, go ahead.”

It doesn’t sound quite right, but she’s hoping they can both ignore it.

“I wanted to make sure to let you know I booked my ticket to LA for the 23rd. I’ll stay until the 2nd of January if that isn’t too much trouble?”

It takes her a second to understand what Marlene’s said. Daisy’s own mom never did anything without letting her know the many reasons behind it. She was meticulous. This feels…Anything but. Or maybe she just doesn’t know the first thing about Marlene, or mothers in general, and this simply proves it. 

Before Daisy can reply, Billy comes into the house with Maggie. He offered to pick her up from school so she could be at the studio working on her album. It’s taken a different turn, and she, Teddy, and Warren have been hard at work changing things around to make it work. Even Billy has started to feel comfortable enough to offer some thoughts on the production. They haven’t discussed it, but she knows the new direction of her work has less to do with her artistic drive and more to do with having Billy as a permanent part of her and Maggie’s lives.

Maggie calls out, “Mommy! Guess what? My teacher said my counting is the best in the whole class!”

Daisy pulls the phone away from her ear and grins. “That’s amazing, peanut!”

Billy gestures to the phone. “Who’re you talking to?” 

“Is that Maggie and Billy?” Marlene asks.

To Billy, she mouths, “Your mom.” Then she puts the phone back to her ear. “Yes, they just got in.” She wishes she had more to offer, but she isn’t sure what the right thing to say is, or where to even begin to figure it out.

Billy sets Maggie up with a coloring book in the living room and then comes into the kitchen. He motions for her to give him the phone, and her reaction doesn’t make sense, but she’s offended by the implication that she can’t be trusted to speak to his mother for more than a few minutes. But given how well she was doing before he came home, she isn’t sure he’s in the wrong for that. Even if she was given a thousand chances, there’s a slim chance she’d ever say or do the exact right thing. 

“Please,” Billy whispers when she still doesn’t hand over the phone, and she decides to give in, knowing that she needs to trust him, even if she’s scared to ask if he doesn’t feel the same about her.

But as soon as she gives him the phone, he puts it on speakerphone. She gives him a surprised look, but he shrugs. As if he doesn’t understand why she is. Daisy makes a note to talk about it some other, better time. 

“Hey Mom,” he greets.

“Billy!” Daisy can almost see Marlene’s smile. “It is so good to hear your voice.”

“I called you a few weeks ago though. And before that, too.”

Daisy swallows. He told her about those calls. The first one was when he told her about his and Camila’s divorce. The second was that he couldn’t come home for Christmas and that he and Camila were still fighting over how much time he would get with Julia for the holiday, even though he didn’t get to spend any time with her on Thanksgiving. 

Billy’s made his decision, and he’s told her he doesn’t regret it or wish he could change anything. But it’s a lot for Daisy to take in and accept regardless. To find a way to not blame herself for what he’s going through—and Julia, too. More than he’s concerned for himself, she can tell that Billy worries Julia isn’t being honest with him. He keeps asking her how feels about the divorce and everything else, but no matter how many times he asks, she hasn’t been able to assure him that she isn’t all that upset. 

Part of Daisy believes that Julia is telling the truth, but she isn’t her daughter, and it’s not her place to tell Billy how to talk to her. It is hard to watch sometimes though, especially when she starts to worry that Billy won’t let it go because he needs Julia to be upset, to be mad at him. He’s looking to be punished for the divorce, and it’s for that reason that Daisy’s decided that she and Billy shouldn’t sleep together again until everything’s more stable.

Even though the more time passes, the more she wishes she didn’t have to wait. That they could be together —in all ways—right now. She isn’t, and never has been, all that patient. At all, honestly. And waiting for something, for Billy, is one of the hardest things she’s ever had to do. But he isn’t ready. Not that they’ve talked about it, even in the most vague ways, since Thanksgiving, but…What happened at Disneyland is staying at Disneyland. At least, for now. He sleeps in his room, and she sleeps in hers without even as much as a kiss goodnight. 

She hopes it won’t be too long though. If nothing else then to prevent her from jumping him at the most importune time possible. 

Most of all, she hopes he understands, and that he meant what he said on Halloween, almost two months ago now. That he will wait for her. For a chance at being a real family. As much as she wishes they could do that right now, to start living the rest of their lives today, she knows that if they’re not ready and do it anyway, it will end in disaster and pain for her, him, and, most importantly, Maggie.

“I remember when you call, dear,” Marlene responds. “I may be getting older, but I’m not old .”

“Of course, Mom,” he says, dutifully, and then he looks at Daisy. “But why’d you call Daisy?”

“Well, I needed to confirm the plans for my visit.”

His eyes widen slightly at that and he looks back at the phone. “Your visit?”

“Yes, dear, my visit to LA from the 23rd through the 2nd.” Billy chokes on air, and she goes on, “I tried talking to you about seeing Julia for the holiday and getting to spend some time with Maggie and Daisy as well, but you dodged me every time. So, I know this is a bit of a surprise, but I think it will be great!”

“Mom, you know I want to see you, and I’m sure Jules does, too. But we’re still working on setting up our routine with Maggie since she started school. Plus, Karen’s flying in from London and Eddie’s moving from New York in a few days and—”

But his protests are all shot down by Marlene. “I am so excited to see the rest of them, too. I won’t be in the way, I promise. I adore you kids all so much. Graham and Jeanie are planning to make the trip, too, since it’s the last time she’ll be able to travel before the baby. It will be a very special Christmas, I’m sure of it.”

Billy looks at Daisy, who feels petrified. Not because she dislikes Marlene or doesn’t think she’ll love Maggie or that Maggie won’t love her. Rather, it’s because she worries that she’ll fail to win over Marlene—and as a result, Billy and Maggie—or cause the week to end in some other kind of disaster. Somehow, Billy reads her expression (more than she wants him to) and tries to gain some footing here while they still can. 

It’s wrong to do it to Marlene, especially when Daisy has already fucked up more than once where she’s concerned, but she can’t stop herself from being grateful for it. 

“Well,” Billy says, “I’m not sure how much we’ll be around. Daisy’s working on a record right now and Warren, Teddy, and I are pitching in. Karen will be on a break from touring and Eddie’s starting work producing a new band.”

Daisy offers a small smile of gratitude, but it is short-lived. 

Marlene waits a moment before she drops the bomb on both of them. “Do you not want me to come see you and my grandchildren, Billy?”

She doesn’t sound pissed, instead, she’s hurt. But Daisy knows there’s more to it than that. Some secret pain that she doesn’t understand because she wasn’t in Billy’s life for very long before she was out of it again. She never had the chance to get to know Marlene before Chicago, and Billy never talked about her all that much. Something she let him keep for himself, figuring she would have time to ask him about it one day. But that day never came. 

Shamefully, Daisy hasn’t tried to get to know Billy’s mom in the last year and a half since she found out about Maggie. She does her best to convince herself she’s tried. After all, they’ve exchanged a few phone calls and she sent pictures from holidays and Maggie’s first day of kindergarten and ones from before that. But she knows that she could’ve done more. So, maybe she deserves this unexpected visit as some kind of penance. 

Without saying anything, she does her best to let Billy know it’s okay, and that he can give in. But there is more to this than just her fears. Something she doesn’t understand, but decides she has to ask Billy about as soon as she can work up the nerve. Billy loves his mom, that much is obvious to her, but it seems that love doesn’t fix everything. 

“I do want you here,” he insists, but she isn’t sure if any of them buy it. “It’ll be a little nuts around here is all I’m saying. Maybe you should only come for Christmas Eve and Day, instead of the whole week. But of course, I want to spend Christmas with you, Mom, and I’m sure Jules and Maggie would love that, too.”

Marlene changes tactics then, and Daisy has to hand it to her, she certainly knows her son, and how to best navigate his lies. 

“I can deal with the chaos,” she says. “No need to worry about entertaining me. I am perfectly capable of spending some time by myself. Maybe I’ll do some sightseeing.” 

She sounds so excited that even Daisy’s worries ease. Maybe it won’t be perfect, but she starts to believe she can get through a week with Mrs. Dunne staying in her house. It might not be the Christmas she and Billy imagined when they talked about it during the last few weeks, but she thinks that there’s a chance it could be better. 

Marlene adds, “And Daisy can still work on her music. I know how important that is to both of you. Now that I’ve thought about it, I can watch Maggie while you go to the studio! I’m sure she’ll be on break from school, and the two of you could use the help if most of you are working on the record.” 

It only takes Daisy a few seconds to make her decision. She checks in with Billy first. He starts to shake his head, but she replies before he can give her another reason not to, knowing that if he did, she wouldn’t have the guts.

Daisy puts as much cheer and easiness into her voice as she can. “I think that would be perfect.” 

Billy gives Daisy an appalled look, but she presses on, ignoring it. She can’t turn back now. Even if part of her knows it would be simpler if she did.

“Maggie will love getting to officially meet you. The phone calls haven’t been enough. We’d love to have you stay with us for the week.”

Marlene’s tone becomes gentler, no doubt satisfied with her win, but not gloating about it. “Oh, I couldn’t impose. I can get a hotel room.”

Daisy, in part because she really does want to get to know her, insists, “I have the space here. It’s not a problem.”

There is another part of her that is desperate for Marlene’s approval. And not just because she’s Maggie’s grandmother or Billy’s mom. She’s a good person. A good mom . And that means a lot to her. Maybe too much. Because she needs Marlene to like her—love her, even—more than is good for anyone. But knowing that and deciding to do something to go against it are completely different things.

“Daisy, thank you so much. I’m so excited to see you and little Maggie. And Billy,” she continues, “I promise I won’t be in the way. But you do have Julia, right, since she spent Thanksgiving with Cami and her parents here?”

Billy falters at her question, and Daisy reaches out and grasps his hand in hers. She squeezes it tight and wishes she could do more. It’s enough for some of the tension in his shoulders to lessen, but not all of it. She wants to take away everything that he has to go through right now. The stress from the divorce. Knowing that he isn’t in Julia’s life as much as he used to be. Losing his purpose, and then feeling guilty again that he’s finding a new one by helping Daisy with her album. 

“Just Christmas Eve dinner,” he replies. 

Marlene pauses, and it is every bit as heavy as Daisy expected it to be. “Ah, I see.”

“It’s not Cam’s fault, Mom,” Billy says.

But Daisy isn’t sure any of them believe that. After all, Camila seems to be in charge these days. Even Daisy is angry with her, though she knows she has no right to be. But it’s hard to watch Billy go through this, even if it is what he wants. And she’s heard more than a few rough exchanges between Billy and Camila that led to their lawyers stepping in. She knows for Julia’s sake that he’s trying to mask it and make it all better or seem more healed than it is, but there’s a small piece of her that wonders if that isn’t making things worse.

Sometimes pretending there’s no problem invents whole new ones to deal with, something she knows plenty about. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Marlene protests. “I wasn’t trying to make it seem like I blame her.”

And although she can tell Marlene is trying to mask it, Daisy detects a tone at that. It’s fascinating to her, as much as it also pains her that Billy has to deal with so much. That there might never be a time for him when everything is truly easy. 

It strikes her, not for the first time, how young he is. And yet, how much he’s been through. He’s not even thirty-five, and he’s already gone through (and survived) more life than most people twice his age.

“It’ll be a special dinner, I’m sure,” Daisy says. She thinks about it for a second, and then adds, “But I have to warn you that I’m an awful cook. So, I’ll need all the help I can get from your famous Dunne Family Recipes.”

She worries for a second that the attempt to joke will fall flat, but miraculously, it works.

Marlene laughs. “Oh, I’m sure that’s not true.”

Billy snorts. “Mom, no offense to Daisy, but I think she would burn cereal if it was possible.”

“Rude!” Daisy lets out with a laugh.

Billy raises his brows. “Do we need a reminder of the Pop Tart incident from September?”

She waves a hand. “That was the toaster. It knew we were in a hurry and took revenge.”

“Uh-huh,” Billy grins, “keep telling yourself that.”

“Billy Dunne, that is no way to talk to a woman,” Marlene chastises him.

Billy rolls his eyes and Daisy has to bite the inside of her cheek to stop herself from laughing. 

“Especially to the mother of my grandbaby,” she adds, and Daisy’s heart grows double its size with it.

No matter what problems exist between Daisy and Marlene, she is positive that they share something that means more to her than she could ever say: a love for Maggie. That is all that Daisy can ask for when it comes to their relationship for now. Maybe one day, things will be easier, or just different. Until that day comes, Daisy will be grateful for her daughter receiving Marlene’s love and care, and try to convince herself that it’s enough.

It makes Billy awful, but he isn’t looking forward to having his mom visit California, just not for reasons he knows she’s thinking.

Billy doesn’t think that Daisy, Maggie, or Jules need to be protected from her or that he can’t trust her. Rather, it’s him he can’t trust. His whole life, no matter how much he’s tried, he feels like all he does is hurt his mom. Without needing to consider any other option, he bets this time will be no different. Maybe it all stems from that phone call he had with her on his and Camila’s wedding day. The fact that he didn’t tell her Camila was pregnant ever. Camila did. Called her during The Six’s first tour. She thought his mom already knew, because…Of course, she did. That’s what a good son would do. 

But as hard as he’s tried, he doesn’t think he’s ever been a good son. Not the one who his mom so deserves. Not like Graham, who moved back home when everything blew up, found a nice girl, married her, and now will have kids who see their grandmother every other day. 

Billy’s life isn’t like that, and, though he can barely think it, he knows he doesn’t want it to ever come close.

Which makes everything that much harder when it comes to his relationship with his mom. Because there are all these expectations and failed hopes and his own selfish needs and wants that always seem to win out in the end. And no matter how much she tries to find a way back into his life, he wonders if she’ll ever be able to forgive him for forcing her out of it in the first place.

Daisy isn’t exactly helping matters, but he knows that it isn’t fair of him to judge her given what he knows she’s feeling about his mom’s visit. 

She’s vacuuming for one. All the time. And other kinds of cleaning, too. Mopping and wiping down countertops and the dishes are done the second they hit the sink. Dusting places he isn’t sure she’s ever dusted before. 

When he points this out, Daisy isn’t amused.

She waves a duster in the air, sending bits of hair and dust into the air. “Well, I’m sorry I’m not the picture of domesticity, but I’m trying to be better here, okay?”

He realizes his mistake then. “I wasn’t judging you.” She doesn’t look like she believes him in the least, and he continues, “I just meant…I don’t think you need to go changing everything about yourself just because my mom is staying over for a week.”

“Of course, I do!” she protests. “Do you think your mom is going to be impressed if she sees my house in complete chaos? Do you think she’s going to buy that you should be living here with me and Maggie? Or that I’m a fit mom to her grandchild? Or—”

“Daisy,” he interrupts before she can spiral even more. “You don’t need to worry this much about impressing my mom.”

She stares him down. “Do you think I can’t do it? Because, I can and I will, Billy. I’ll make her so thrilled and enraptured with me that she’ll think I’m a fucking unicorn. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

He should stop himself, but he can’t help it, he laughs. 

This only pushes her even closer to the edge. “What’s so fucking funny? Am I a joke to you? Is all of this,” again, she gestures with the duster, “so amusing that you don’t get why I’m doing any of it?”

He clears his throat. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’t mean…” He searches for the right words, not just the ones that will get him out of trouble. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed. But…I’ve never seen you like this before. I’m surprised is all.”

“You’re surprised that I care if your mom approves of me and how we’re raising Maggie.”

It isn’t a question, and Billy realizes his mistake too late.

He does his best to fix it. “Of course, you care, that’s not what I…It’s just that I don’t think you should need to care. Or force yourself into being something you aren’t for my mom’s sake.” 

Her expression reveals that it’s not enough, and he knows he needs to say something. So, he goes with the truth. 

“No matter what she thinks, it isn’t going to change how I feel about you.”

Her mouth drops open a little at that, and it takes her a moment to register what he’s said, and then also believe it. He wishes that it all came easier, for both of them, but he understands why it isn’t. As much as he wants to dive into what he feels and what he thinks she does, too, they can’t take that chance right now.

It doesn’t make the thoughts of what it felt like to be with her at Disneyland go away though. Or feel any less vivid. As if he’s still there. Holding and kissing and touching her. It’s enough that he feels embarrassed about how often he thinks about it. And it doesn’t help that she hasn’t brought it up once. He might believe that she loves him, but it’s an entirely different thing for her to actually say it, and to be able to say it back to her.

More than almost anything else, he wants them to be able to say the words out loud, and to each other. To finally be together. In every way. In all the ones he didn’t realize he wanted until she came back into his life. 

But there is one thing he wants more right now, and that’s keeping Maggie safe and happy. It might make them both cowards, but they can’t risk hurting her until they’re both sure their relationship won’t implode. He thinks it’s the right choice, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

She smiles and looks a little breathless, which is kind of amazing. “Well, I guess in that case, I can cool it.”

Relief floods through him, and he finds himself comfortable enough to tease her, “Well, you’ve always run hot, so I guess I can’t really blame you.”

She laughs. “Jerk.” Then she adds, “And I’m not going to stop entirely. Don’t think you’re getting out of cleaning duty that easily. I’ll cool it, but only a little.”

He shakes his head. “You’re never going to get any easier, are you?”

She gives him a smug grin. “Most definitely not. ”

But even he knows when he’s beat. “Alright, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at that but Daisy…” He turns a bit more serious. “I don’t want you to contort yourself into someone you think she’ll like. I want you to be…You. Because, honestly, there isn’t anyone else I’d rather you be.”

Her expression opens up to him then, and she lets him see just how much of an impact his words have on her. It worries him that she’s able to conceal her feelings from him in a way she never did back in the seventies, but he decides that’s a different battle for another day. 

He can tell that she believes him, even though the admission is new for both of them. The wish that it wasn’t something different makes him question so many decisions of the past, but his therapist has been trying to convince him that dwelling on regrets doesn’t fix anything. Or get him anywhere closer to where he actually wants to be. Still, the past lingers. And not just because of her decisions or Camila’s, but his, too.

It took three to make their lives what they were during the years between the band breaking up and Warren’s wedding, and the year and a half that followed. Maybe especially that time. None of them knew the first thing about being a family together. He isn’t sure they still know, but they’re trying.

For now, it’ll have to be enough. 

The next few days, Billy does his best to help Daisy prepare for his mom’s arrival. He manages to make it through most of it with a limited number of jokes. She does her best to refute every single one, but he knows she likes them. If she didn’t, he would quit it. But he can sense that she needs them as much as he does. This week isn’t going to be easy—for either one of them—but at least they can lean on each other. 

Maggie does make it better though. Her excitement to meet her grandmother is felt by Billy, Daisy, and everyone else who comes within a few feet of her. It makes guilt rise in his throat, enough that it almost chokes him, but he does his best to push through it. He reminds himself that all he can do is focus on making a better future for his family, that there is no going back and undoing the pain or hardship he brought the people he loves.

The morning his mom, Graham, and Jeanie are set to arrive (they opted for the red-eye) Maggie wakes him up by jumping on him.

“Daddy! You have to get up.”

“I do, huh?” he says with a yawn.

Normally, he manages to get up before Maggie, but he didn’t get much sleep last night, too consumed with how things could go wrong. 

“Duh!” she replies. “Cause Uncle Graham and Grandma are coming today!” 

He laughs. “Don’t forget your Aunt Jeanie.”

Maggie nods, grinning. “See! So you have to get up now.”

“I don’t know if you’ll be able to though,” he tells her.

She frowns, but it quickly turns into an eruption of giggles when he reaches out and starts to tickle her.

“Daddy!” she squeals. “No fair!”

But she’s smiling so much, he knows she loves it. 

When he does give in and stop, she’s breathless and still laughing. 

“Can we have breakfast now? Mommy said we had to wait for you.”

Billy laughs. “Sure, thing, kiddo. Let’s go wake her up.”

Maggie bounds out of bed and he follows her. She makes a beeline for the stairs and tells him, “She’s already up!”

Billy can’t believe that. In the two months he’s spent living here, not once has Daisy woken up before him. Not that he’s minded. He likes making breakfast with Maggie and helping out where he can. It gives him a solid place in the house. A way to make sure that he’s needed.

He watches Maggie go down the stairs, telling her to be careful so she doesn’t slide in her fuzzy socks. 

In the kitchen room, he finds Daisy scrubbing at invisible dirt on the kitchen counter. And he knows it’s invisible because she cleaned it last night. That isn’t the only part that takes him by surprise. 

Her outfit is…Conservative, to put it lightly. 

She’s wearing a paisley dress that has a high neckline (well, for her) and goes to her knees. It’s pretty, but not anything he’s ever seen her wear before. And he wonders when she had the time to buy it. But that isn’t the only thing that surprises him enough he has to use every last shred of self-control to hold in a laugh. Because her hair is swept up in a ponytail, but one that is so high it might get cable.

“Mommy!” Maggie says. “Can you finally stop cleaning so Daddy can make pancakes?”

Daisy stops and looks up at them. “Alright, but not too much mess, okay? I’ll need to clean it again once we’re done.”

Maggie looks at Billy and he has to work even harder to stop his smile. 

“Deal,” he tells Daisy.

She narrows her eyes. “I saw that.”

“Saw what?” he asks, knowing he’s fucking with her a little, but unable to stop. 

She crosses her arms over her chest. “You know what.”

He goes to respond, but then Maggie uses all of her little might to drag him over to the pantry to get the pancake mix. 

Daisy turns on the radio, and the three of them dance and sing as Billy makes breakfast with Maggie’s help and Daisy’s support from afar. It’s hard not to imagine that he could have years of this. And even though nothing is solved and his words from earlier in the week clearly didn’t have as much of an impact on Daisy as he’d hoped, for one hour, things are pretty damn perfect.

While Daisy and Billy are cleaning up from breakfast as Maggie watches cartoons, he decides to ask her about it.

“You know, you don’t have to do all of this, right? I don’t expect you to, and I guarantee my mom doesn’t either.”

Daisy sets down a spatula she’d been scrubbing at for a solid minute. “I’m completely chill.” He gives her an unimpressed look, and she does her best, but in the end, she falters. “I know you don’t expect me to do all of this, but you don’t really know what your mom expects, do you?”

He wishes he could say that he does, that he is absolutely positive his mom won’t judge or care or think twice if Daisy’s kitchen is a disaster. But he hasn’t spent all that much time with his mom in years. Longer than he cares to acknowledge. Enough that he isn’t sure about almost anything when it comes to her wants for Billy and his life. He starts to think that maybe Daisy isn’t all that crazy for how she’s been acting. 

“Okay, fine, you might be right,” he tells her.

She sucks at her teeth. “Believe me, I wish I wasn’t. It’s not as if I’m any good at this kind of stuff.”

He frowns and she hesitates. He knows he needs to encourage her to say it. “You can tell me, Dais.”

“I’m not good at being the perfect mom or…” She takes a breath. “I’m not good at the family stuff.”

He shakes his head. “You’re an amazing mom.”

She sighs. “Thank you.”

“I mean it,” he adds, “you’re incredible. You’ve done so much for her, most of it by yourself. Maggie’s lucky to have you as her mom.”

She does smile at that. “And she’s just as lucky to have you as her dad. I know that she is better with you in her life.”

It has more of an effect than he expects. It means more than he could ever say out loud. Because as much as he loves Julia and Maggie, he isn’t sure that he would ever think of them as lucky for having him in their lives. Maybe the opposite, on a bad day. On the worst ones, he wonders if he isn’t doing so much more harm than good. But to hear that Daisy doesn’t believe that, and what she does believe is everything he’s ever wanted for his daughters…It helps.

“And as for the family stuff,” he continues, “I think that kind of shit is overrated. But to me, you’re better at it than you give yourself credit for.”

Her eyes water and she blinks rapidly. “Really?”

“Daisy, you do have a family. One you built from scratch all on your own. I know it’s not a perfect one or maybe the one that most people have, but it is a family.”

She inhales a shaky breath. Then she surprises him by reaching out and wrapping her arms around him. For a few seconds, he lets the moment last and allows himself to hold her. It can’t last forever, but he lets himself picture a future in which it can. 

He rubs her back, and when she pulls away, he tries not to miss her too much. 

“Your ponytail is…” he trails off, his tone lighter, almost teasing.

She glares and he can’t stop it then. He bursts out laughing. And at first, she’s as pissed as he expects her to be, but she breaks a moment later. 

“Fuck off,” she waves a hand, “it’s your mom .” Billy raises his brows and she rolls her eyes, but she’s still smiling. “You don’t get it.”

“No, I don’t,” he admits.

Because even though he knows parents aren’t easy for her, he doesn’t get why his mom is so different. 

“Then no judging my ponytail, okay?” she shoots back.

He raises his hands in surrender and bites his cheek to stop himself from laughing. She gives him a pointed look, so he finally gives in. “Okay, okay. Fine. I won’t say another word about your hairstyles for the rest of the week.”

Daisy nods. “Good.” She softens. “But I promise, I’ll still be me.” She bites her lip. “Just a toned-down version.”

He wants to protest, to tell her that she shouldn’t have to tone down any part of herself for his mom, but he knows she wouldn’t buy it even if he said it with every ounce of truth. And he does need to go pick them up at the airport. God knows LAX traffic is some of the least forgiving he’s encountered. 

It’s one thing he didn’t miss about the city, but there are so many others that he did. It’d been so long, he’d almost forgotten. There are even ones he’s discovering for the first time now that he sees the city through Maggie and Daisy’s eyes. Maybe his world couldn’t be more different than the way it was two years ago, but he knows that’s a good thing.

On the drive to the airport, he tries not to spiral about the week ahead of them. Jeanie and Graham are staying in a hotel nearby, but his mom will be at the house, and it’s that thought he keeps going back to. Daisy and him have already arranged that he’ll crash on the couch while his mom takes the guestroom, or what’s become his room. God only knows how they’ll cope with having his mom around them 24/7. 

He’s spent the last few days consoling Daisy and didn’t give himself much time to freak out, for which he was grateful until this very moment. 

Because now he’s realizing that he might not be ready for his mom to see what his life is now. Not because he’s ashamed of it or regrets leaving Cam, but…He wants to keep everyone he loves safe from the hurt he can and has caused them, and that no longer feels possible with all of his different worlds colliding. 

But there’s no putting it off because he pulls up in front of the doors to the airport and sees his mom, Graham, and a pregnant Jeanie already waiting for him. He puts the car in park and then gets out. Immediately, Graham hugs him. It still isn’t as easy as it once was between them, but things get better with every phone call. It doesn’t escape Billy that things have only gotten better in the last two months. As if Graham was holding in his breath when it came to all of their conversations between Warren’s wedding and Halloween. 

Jeanie grins and says, “You boys are so sweet.”

Graham laughs. “Billy? Sweet? You must be talking about my other brother.”

Billy scowls. “I am perfectly capable of being sweet.”

Graham snorts. “Sure, you are.”

Billy goes to fire off a retort, but he’s interrupted.

“Now, Billy, are you going to give your mom a hug or what?” his mom asks, giving him a look he knows all too well.

“Hey, Mom,” he says and wraps her in his arms. 

It doesn’t last long since someone honks at them a moment later, wanting Billy’s spot. He’s awful for it, but it’s a prayer that’s silently answered. If he held onto his mom for too long, he isn’t sure he’d be able to control himself the way he needs to if they’re going to get through this week. He has to keep boundaries in place and walls up. If he risks otherwise, then it could ruin everything he’s trying to build in his life. 

They get into the car, and he should expect it, but his mom doesn’t wait around before saying what’s on her mind.

“So, dear, why haven’t I been out here before?” 

He swallows. “You’ve been to LA.”

She gives him a look, and he knows what she means. She hasn’t been here in years. He can’t even remember how long it’s been, but certainly a while before he found out about Maggie. And he can hear in her voice just how much she wishes she didn’t have to force her way out here, and that he’d invited her himself.

“It’s a long flight, Mom,” Graham says. “Plus, Billy’s been a little busy recently.” His tone almost manages to joke, but it doesn’t land as well as Billy and Graham hopes it will.

“Oh, I know,” she answers, “and I understand that you’ve been working with Daisy to make Maggie comfortable. But, well, I just am anxious to meet my granddaughter, maybe. I’m one of the last ones, after all.”

He nods and tightens his grip on the steering wheel. Luckily, no one comments on it, but he’s sure that they all notice. Billy’s gotten worse and worse at hiding what he feels. Part of him blames it on Daisy, but he knows that isn’t the whole truth, and, more than that, it isn’t fair.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I swear it wasn’t…”

Wasn’t what ? Wasn’t intentional? They both know better.

He looks in the rearview mirror at Graham, hoping for some more help, but he’s pointing out landmarks from his past to Jeanie. Billy can’t even be mad at him for it. This is a conversation for him and his mom, not for Graham to have to deal with, too. 

“I’m sorry,” he goes on, “if I could go back and do things differently, I would. But I can’t. And besides, Maggie’s excited to meet you. And to see Graham and meet Jeanie, too. And look, be mad at me all you want, but don’t be upset with Daisy.”

She blinks back her surprise and her expression turns into a kind of sadness he isn’t sure he understands. 

“Oh, Billy. I’m not mad at you. Or Daisy,” she responds. “I promise, I didn’t come here to be cruel. I really just wanted to spend some time with my grandchildren. And…I want to get to know Daisy, too.” She hesitates, but then continues, “I want to be a part of your family. I am your mother, after all. But I would never want to hurt you or Daisy and the girls.”

That does help ease some of the worries in his chest. Because even though he didn’t believe that she came here for bad reasons, he isn’t sure he’s been able to let himself feel it until now. It turns out that the possibility of this visit threatening his family weighed on him more than he thought possible.

Sometimes, he wonders if he isn’t always preparing for the worst to happen and if that hasn’t spelled out his doom for years now. 

Only he doesn’t want to do it this time. He can’t. Because if he does, then he might lose everything all on his own, without his mom needing to say or do anything.

He nods and finds that he can see the truth of her admission the closer they get to Daisy’s house. 

“Okay. And I…” 

He fights off the urge to gloss over everything, to pretend like there still isn’t a world of shit and past issues to sort through. 

“But it isn’t only Maggie who’s excited to see you. I am, too. And I want the two of you to meet. I want you to feel like you’re as much a part of my family as Jules and Maggie. I always want you in my family, Mom. I swear. Maybe I haven’t done the best job of it in a while though.”

His mom, to his shock, laughs it off. “Billy, that’s what kids are supposed to do. Go out and find their own version of family. But…If you could still make room for me, I would like that very much.”

Billy smiles and finds it isn’t nearly as forced as he expects. He looks at Graham in the mirror and he gives him a thumbs-up. For the first time since he found out his mom was coming to LA, he isn’t afraid of what it could bring. 

Which means, of course, that everything goes to absolute shit. 

Chapter Text

It takes every bit of strength and belief in what Daisy’s built not to go running for the ocean the second Billy pulls into the driveway. His mom is in the passenger seat with Graham and Jeanie in the back. At least for this part, she hopes to rely on Graham a little. He knows his mom so well, after all, and while Daisy and Graham aren’t the best of friends after everything, she still considers him a kind, good person. 

She prays he’ll save her and Billy if things start to go badly.

Then, she feels bad for even thinking about it. But given her track record with parents, especially moms, she worries that this time won’t be any different. That she’ll show Marlene she doesn’t just have plenty of reasons to hate her, but that she can’t trust her. And God only knows what could happen after that.

Maggie runs up to the window that looks out on the front of the house.

“Mommy! They’re here!”

She sounds so excited, her face lighting up with it. Daisy feels even worse for her dread and wishes that she could dismiss them as simple fears. But they’re not simple or easy, and she can’t will them away or run from them in the bottom of a bottle. She hasn’t felt the urge for a drink or a bump in years, but she does now. 

“Let’s go say hi,” Daisy tells her, trying her best to conceal her mess of emotions from her.

At the very least, she intends to protect her daughter from everything she’s feeling right now.

Maggie grins and bounds toward the door, and Daisy does her best to feign confidence. It used to come so easily to her, but having Maggie has made her more open and less able to deceive the people around her. Maybe it’s partly a good thing, but right now, she’d kill for the chance to convince everyone around her that she isn’t freaking out.

When Billy gets out of the car, Maggie runs at him, and he scoops her up. She isn’t sure she’ll ever truly get used to seeing Billy with their daughter. The image does help ease her fears, and she reminds herself of his words from earlier in the week. That nothing that happens this week will change his feelings. She knows without even having to think about it that it is the same for her. 

At this point, there might not be a single person or event that could change how much she loves him, and she’s starting to find a way to see the good in that, as terrifying as it is. 

“Hey, Munchkin!” Graham greets Maggie, who waves excitedly.

Graham holds out his arms and then takes Maggie from Billy. He tosses her in the air a bit. She giggles and tells him to do it again and again. Even Daisy can laugh. Billy’s tense, though, looking much like a wire pulled taut. This worries her and leaves her with even more questions about him and his family. 

“Hi, Daisy,” Marlene says to her as Graham sets Maggie down and then proceeds to chase her around the yard. “It’s so good to see you again.”

She sounds so earnest that all Daisy wants is to believe her, but the past and present hold her back.

“Mrs. Dunne,” she forces a smile, “it’s good to see you, too. Thanks for coming.”

Marlene waves a hand. “Well, I didn’t give any of you much of a choice, did I? And please, call me Marlene.”

Daisy tries to reassure her it’s okay, even though she isn’t completely sure it is. “We’re more than past due for this. I appreciate you taking the initiative and flying out here for the holidays.”

“Still,” Marlene replies, “I’m sorry for charging in. I should’ve given you more warning. But…Thank you for going along with it. I really do appreciate it.”

The words leave her at a loss. Her own mother certainly never apologized for charging into her life or privacy. She never seemed to feel bad about going between dismissing her or tearing her down, depending on the day. Hell, she’s certain that she never heard the words “I’m sorry” from either of her parents.

But she doesn’t want Marlene to know that. If she does, then she might think that Daisy’s bound to be just as awful of a mom to Maggie. She can’t allow for that. So, she covers up her feelings the best she can.

“Of course. I completely understand. Billy and I are thrilled you’re here.”

To her dismay, Marlene doesn’t seem to buy it, but she also doesn’t press further. “Thank you, dear. Now, could I…”  

She realizes her mistake too late, but she does her best to conceal it and push forward. “Oh, yes, of course!” 

Then she calls for Maggie to come over from playing with Graham, which she does reluctantly. But it seems it’s for the best. Graham is panting and bends down to catch his breath. Jeanie stands next to him and makes a joke about him getting old. He scowls, but he’s smiling, and for a second, Daisy wishes that she and Billy could have that kind of ease, too. And a piece of her is terrified that they never will. 

But she pushes the thought away. Those are fears for a different day.

“Hello, Miss Maggie,” Marlene says.

Maggie frowns for a second, then smiles as she puts it together. “Are you my grandmom?”

Marlene nods and smiles. “Yes, indeed I am.”

To her credit, and both Billy's and Daisy’s relief, if his expression is anything to go by, Maggie doesn’t hesitate before rushing forward and hugging Marlene.

She pulls back. “No one’s ever called me Miss Maggie before.”

“Do you like it?” Marlene asks.

Maggie nods. “Definitely.”

Daisy has to hand it to Marlene; she knows her way around kids, even rambunctious ones like her daughter.  

“Well, then it’s settled,” Marlene responds. “You’ll be Miss Maggie until you decide you don’t want to be anymore. How does that sound?”

Maggie tilts her head to the side. “What if I always want to be Miss Maggie?”

Marlene shrugs. “Then I suppose I’ll have to call you by it forever.”

Maggie grins. “Okay!” Then she adds, looking at Daisy first, “Can I show my grandmom my new art project?”

Marlene looks at her for permission, and Daisy does her best to cover up her surprise at it.

“Of course,” she tells Maggie. “Why don’t you give her a tour of the house?”

It may be more for Daisy’s sanity than that she needs Marlene to notice all the places she probably failed to clean, but she hopes it isn’t too selfish of her. If Marlene notices, she doesn’t comment on it or show it to Daisy or anyone else. She just allows Maggie to pull her back into the house, already bursting with details about their home.

Once they’re out of earshot, Billy walks over to her and asks, “You doing okay?”

She wishes it didn’t, but the question annoys her. Billy’s looking out for her; she’s sure of that, but she wishes he didn’t feel like he had to, that he could trust her when it comes to his mother. More than that, she wants him to be able to believe her—believe in her—and not just when it comes to his mom. But everything. Things should be easier by now, she thinks, but they simply aren’t. And as much as she knows it isn’t his fault or even her own, her patience is wearing thin.

She nods, doing her best to hold it all in. “Yeah. I’m great.”

He tilts his head to the side, reading her expression more than she wishes he was able to right now. Usually, she’s grateful for how well he knows her, for the effortlessness between the two of them. But not today. Because today, it means that she’s failing in some regard, and it’s only made worse that she has no idea if she can fix it. 

“Dais…”

“Your mom is so nice, and Maggie’s as excited as I thought she would be.” She smiles, and it feels faker than anything she’s done in years. “In fact, I’m super great,” she goes on. 

She turns to Graham and Jeanie, effectively shutting down the conversation. “How was the flight?”

Graham looks at Billy before he turns to Daisy, and she hates how obvious everyone is, even as they don’t say a word to acknowledge it. “It was fine.”

Jeanie laughs and rolls her eyes at him. “Oh, you are so not getting away with that.” She looks at Daisy. “He’s a mess on planes. I had no idea. There was more than once where he was squeezing my hand so hard, I thought it might fall off.”

Graham groans and then opens his mouth to protest, but Billy beats him to it. “He’s always been a nervous flier.”

Jeanie waves a hand. “Lucky for him, I was stone cold. Even though I’ve only ever been on one flight before to Florida when I was in college.” She looks at him. “What did you do during the flights for the tour?”

Daisy and Billy look at one another. They know the answer to that. Karen. And a shot or two of whatever they had on hand, usually whiskey or bourbon. But mostly, it was Karen who’d help him and make him calm down and feel safe during the flights they took. But none of them can say that. It would only hurt Graham more and cause pain for Jeanie, too, the unnecessary kind. Still, Daisy’s surprised the past rears its head as much as it does. She thought that the present would give them all more than enough to think about it, but it seems there really is no escaping their pasts.

No matter how hard they might try.

“Whiskey,” Daisy jokes. “I think Graham used to get pretty cozy with some Jack Daniels before every time we took off.”

Jeanie snorts. “Figures.” And then she says something Daisy wishes she didn’t. “And what about the rest of you? What was your helpful aid that helped you get through it?”

Fuck. Billy looks pained, and Daisy feels her throat tighten. Jeanie was told, but Daisy can’t fault her for forgetting. After all, how many “sober” rock stars (current or former) are actually sober? Daisy thinks she doesn’t need more than two hands to name them all. Neither she nor Billy know how to answer without revealing too much. At least Maggie’s inside the house with Marlene. That’s a conversation she knows she will need to have with her daughter one day, but she is glad it doesn’t have to be today. 

Daisy clears her throat. “Well…”

“Jeanie…” Graham swallows. “Daisy and Billy don’t drink, remember?”

Jeanie realizes her mistake as soon as he says it, and she does look genuinely guilty. Still, it isn’t enough to kill the awkwardness that’s settled over all of them. It’s right on par with how she thought this week would go, and while she feels awful for being right, part of her is strangely relieved. At least now that it’s confirmed this visit is doomed, Daisy doesn’t have to feel bad for dreading it. Even as it’s still happening. 

“Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry,” Jeanie starts.

“It’s fine,” Billy cuts in before she can continue. “It was a long time ago.”

Was it, though? It doesn’t feel all that long ago to Daisy. Some days, the bad ones, she remembers all too well how that time felt. How she was drowning in her self-loathing and love for Billy that he couldn’t return. The ways she hurt herself and the people she cared about over and over in a vain attempt to keep everything she was feeling at bay. She wonders if Billy means what he says or if he’s just trying to smooth things over with Jeanie as quickly as possible. Usually, she knows what he’s feeling, as well as she knows her own emotions, but not this time.

It scares the shit out of her, and she doesn’t know what’s changed—what’s caused it to happen now. Obviously, there’s his mom. But she can see how much he loves her, and she loves him. Daisy doesn’t understand what’s wrong. 

More than anything, she hates that she doesn’t know the truth. For the first time in years, she feels like she’s stuck in the dark when it comes to Billy. That she is missing some central piece to him that he doesn’t want her to see.

Jeanie starts to apologize again, and Daisy can barely stomach the thought.

“Seriously, Jeanie, don’t worry about it.” She forces a smile. “It’s ancient history.”

Billy looks at her at that, surprised, but doesn’t ask her about it. Instead, he suggests they all go inside. She knows she’ll need to ask him about that look later, but she has no idea when later will come with the holidays and Marlene in her house. His reaction worries her, though, enough that she wonders what she’s done wrong. And if she’s hurt him in some way that, she will need to fix it.

“How long have you had the house?” Graham asks as she opens the door for them.

She smiles, thankful for the shift in conversation. She’s reminded that Graham was always good at that. He’s a peacemaker at heart. 

“Almost as soon as I got out of rehab. Teddy said that I would be fine to live with him as long as I needed, but I didn’t think he’d appreciate a crying newborn at three in the morning.”

Billy covers up a different expression better this time, but she still catches it, and yet, has no idea what this one means either. 

Jeanie distracts her by asking about the tile in her kitchen (she and Graham are thinking about fixing up theirs), and it might not be right, but Daisy lets herself stop thinking about what Billy’s feeling every second, even if it’s only a brief reprieve. Because she knows better than to expect herself to stop wondering about his feelings for long. Sometimes, she wonders if it’s a bad thing, but then she remembers that she and Billy have done much worse things to one another by not thinking about how it could make the other one feel. 

She promises herself that she won’t make that mistake again, no matter what else happens.

Billy can’t stop thinking about Daisy telling Jeanie, “It’s ancient history,” even though he knows it isn’t healthy.

They’re in the kitchen and listening to Maggie tell an animated—if a little hard to follow—and harrowing story from recess at school. Normally, Billy would be doing his best to listen and ask her questions, but right now, he leans on his mom and Graham or Jeanie to do it. Because, at this moment, he’s lost to his worries. 

It’s one thing for Daisy to decide that she isn’t hurt by the memories Jeanie accidentally brought back to the surface, but it’s another for her to dismiss that time of their lives entirely.

It might make him awful, and he isn’t sure he could ever say it out loud, but he doesn’t want to do that. Those years matter to him. They healed and destroyed him at the same time. He made AURORA , leaving his mark on the world, even if it was only for a moment. He felt like he was someone. That he mattered. That he had a larger purpose apart from striving to be the perfect husband and father. The music was a part of his life then. It was still a part of his soul and everyday life. He could embrace it without feeling the least bit guilty, unlike how it is now. 

But it’s about more than just the music, of course. It always has been. Because back in that time, Daisy came into his life. Both saving and damning him in the process, maybe, but he wouldn’t change it. No matter how much they hurt one another or themselves, he believed knowing her had been for the better. Even before he knew about Maggie. 

Those two years of AURORA mean more to him than they might have any right to, but he doesn’t know what to do with the fact that the same might not be true for Daisy. 

The next few hours rush by for Billy, and he doesn’t want to think about why, but he’s grateful for it. He loves his mom. She is warm and good, and most of the time, he doesn’t feel like he’s worthy of her love. But there is so much between them that they haven’t ever talked about. 

How she’s never fully forgiven him for never telling her about Julia. Camila did, and only after she was born. Or that he shut her out of his life following rehab, thinking that she was disappointed in him. But he knows that’s the easy part. The messier one is that he never thought she could understand his addiction and what he went through both on The Six’s first tour and after Chicago.

But she isn’t the only one carrying the weight of a lifetime worth shit. 

Sometimes, Billy’s pissed at her, even if he knows he has no right to be. Like when she was such a mess after his father left that she didn’t get out of bed for what felt like a year. And how Billy had to step up and take over parenting Graham so that their mom could work. He is perfectly aware of how much he shuts his mom out, but a piece of him resents her for giving in so easily. For not fighting harder for him and Julia. She’s here now, but he worries they’ll never get over everything that is lurking beneath the surface of every strained tone or forced smile.

When it comes time to make dinner, Billy retreats to the kitchen while everyone else goes into the living room. It’s wrong, but he’s grateful to be alone. If only it lasted more than a few minutes. 

“Are you okay?” Graham asks.

Billy doesn’t look up from where he’s chopping onions. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Graham hesitates. “Maybe because you’ve been zoning out all day.”

Again, Billy doesn’t meet his eye. “No, I haven’t.”

He huffs. “Yes, you have, and you can try to deny it, but Mom noticed, too. I think the only one who didn’t was Maggie, and well, she’s a kid. It’s kind of her job to not know when her parents are losing their shit.”

“I’m not losing my shit.”

He doesn’t know where this conversation is going but knows he needs to shut it down. He can’t risk it. Not when his mom and Daisy and Maggie are counting on him to make this trip a success. Even if it feels like he’s already lost that battle. 

Billy sets his knife down and grips onto the counter before he looks at Graham. “I’m fine, alright?” 

Graham nods to Billy’s hand. “Uh-huh.”

“What do you want from this?” he snaps and then regrets it almost immediately at the look on Graham’s face.

“I’m trying to help you, idiot,” Graham replies. 

“I don’t need—”

“Oh, spare me,” he cuts him off, his voice going down to an angry whisper. “Do you really think this is going well? Daisy is practically bursting out of her skin, and Jeanie feels awful for her mistake from earlier and I’m doing my best to make everything okay. But you…You’re just sitting there. Doing nothing.”

“What exactly do you want me to do?” Billy whispers back, his tone matching Graham’s. “Do you want me to pretend any of this is easy? Do you want me to fake it and force our way through this week? Do you want me to lie ?”

Graham sucks at his teeth. “Why not? It never stopped you before.”

Billy decides he’s done with this. With his brother, who clearly doesn’t remember enough from their childhood to understand what’s going on. Or maybe he does and is being willfully ignorant. It wouldn’t be the first time.

He shouldn’t, but in the end, he says, “I’m sorry, but not all of us choose to see only what we want to until it’s stomping our heart into hamburger, but some of us have to face reality.”

Graham scoffs. “You’re such an asshole. Oh, woe is me. Because you’re the only one who’s suffered, right? You’re the only one who was left broken and sad and misses that time of our lives so badly that sometimes it feels like we can’t breathe. Spare me. Honestly, Billy, it’s a wonder you can walk around with a head as big as yours.”

Billy dismisses him with one last look and then goes back to the onions. “Get the fuck out of my kitchen.” 

Graham shakes his head. “It’s Daisy’s kitchen.”

Before Billy can fire off a retort about how wrong Graham has it, he leaves, which means Billy has the next hour to stew in his anger and anguish. 

When Christmas Eve arrives, Daisy feels as if she’s making the worst fool of herself. And even worse, that everyone knows just how hard she’s trying not to do it. But there’s no escaping everyone’s descent into the depths of pain from both past and present. 

It doesn’t help that everyone in the Dunne family seems to be having a silent fight. Daisy isn’t used to those. She’s used to yelling and smashing plates and her mother telling her to shut up. It only makes it harder for her to act as if everything’s fine. After dinner the previous night, she tried to ask Billy if something happened between him and Graham, but he shot her down.

“It’s nothing. He’s just being…I don’t know. He doesn’t get it. He never has, and I doubt he ever will.”

When she pressed further, he told her, “Leave it, Daisy. Can you do that?”

She didn’t want to let it go, but she recognized that tone from him and knew better than to try and push at that moment. 

As much as she believes things have gotten better for the two of them, his shutting her out reminds her that there’s still a long way to go. They don’t trust each other in the way Daisy thinks they should. If Billy can’t open up to her and tell her the truth, she can’t try to be in a relationship with him. Hurting her own heart…Well, she can withstand that just fine. She has in the past, after all. Especially when Billy’s involved. But she won’t risk Maggie’s heart. If she did, then she wouldn’t be the kind of mother she thought she was or the one that her daughter deserves. 

So, no matter how much it goes against her instincts, she does what Billy wants and leaves it. For now. Because she also knows herself well enough to know that she won’t let it go forever. Even if Billy wants it that way.

Daisy is freaking out about cooking Christmas Eve dinner. After all, everyone, including Nicky and Julia, will be there. She even brought herself to extend an invitation to Camila through Julia, but she (thankfully) declined. As much as she knows that they’ll need to reach some kind of peace soon, she thinks if she had to focus on proving herself to Camila and Marlene in one night, she would explode.  

She tries to tell herself that she doesn’t need to prove herself to anyone, but it doesn’t do much good.

Not until Marlene offers to cook dinner with Billy for everyone, and Daisy starts to believe that this night might not be as awful as she expected. 

She has to hold herself back from agreeing immediately, but eventually, she lets Marlene win. 

Billy’s less enthused. 

“I don’t know, Mom,” he says from where he’s sitting on the couch while Maggie is showing everyone else where she wants certain ornaments to go on the tree. “I bet I’ll only get in the way.”

Daisy isn’t sure why Billy’s avoiding his mom and Graham. If she thought he would give her a real reply, she’d ask Graham. But he’ll side with his brother every time, even if they’re pissed at one another right now. She’s desperate to grill Billy about it more but remembers his reaction from before and hopes that his mom might be able to convince him to tell her the truth. 

“Nonsense,” Marlene responds. “We’re going to be quite the party, I’ll need some help.”

Billy looks at Graham, but he pointedly doesn’t meet his eye. 

Eventually, Warren tries to save him. “I can help, Mrs. Dunne.”

Daisy realizes just how dire it is when Eddie adds, “I can help chop stuff, too.”

Billy nods to them. “Thanks, guys. We appreciate it.”

Marlene knows her son too well, though, and maybe Warren and Eddie just as much, and doesn’t take no for an answer. “Oh, boys, thank you, truly. But only Billy knows our family recipes.” She raises her eyebrows at Billy. “Or have you conveniently forgotten them?”

While this is happening, Daisy doesn’t know what to do with her hands. More than just that. She doesn’t know what she could say to ease any of the awkwardness or loaded words that sound so pleasant. She wants to fix things, but this doesn’t feel like her family. It doesn’t feel like she has a right to intervene. 

Billy does look at her expectantly, but she doesn’t have it in her to save him. Maybe with anyone else, she would. But this is his mother . And as much as she wants to keep Billy safe, at this moment, she needs Marlene to like her. Hopefully, find a way to trust her, too. And maybe, even though it scares Daisy, she wants Marlene to find a way to love her, too. 

When she doesn’t come to his rescue, he resigns himself to following his mom into the kitchen. 

Daisy lets out a slow breath.

“It’ll be fine,” Teddy tells her. 

She hadn’t noticed him come over and stand next to her, but she’s thankful for his reassurance, even if she can’t bring herself to believe it. 

“You think so?” she asks, looking at the door to the kitchen.

Teddy reaches out and places a hand on her arm. “Just give it—and him—some breathing room, alright?”

His words remind her to actually take a breath herself, and when she does, it helps her feel better. 

Luckily, there’s still a lot of decorating to do, so she dedicates herself to asking Maggie where she wants lights and sparkling tinsel all around the house. Her daughter is very thorough, and they spend hours making sure everything looks exactly as she wants it. As if everyone else can tell what’s going on, they do the same. Even Eddie kicks his usual Grinch attitude and helps out. 

Still, as the hours pass and Billy cooks with his mom, things only become more tense. Karen looks miserable any time she sneaks a glance at Graham. He seems tense in return. This leads to Warren making joke after joke that doesn’t land. Daisy’s trying to make everything better, which only makes it even more apparent how bad it’s going. 

Maggie is the only one who isn’t miserable, and Daisy is thankful for it but is equally scared it can’t last, given how everything else is going. 

Jeanie’s doing her best to get through a story from her school without the rest of them knowing who she’s talking about when Billy storms out of the kitchen, past the living room, and through the front door. 

Eddie lets out a low whistle, which earns a glare from Warren. Daisy looks at Teddy, whose eyes are still on the door. Marlene appears at the door to the kitchen, and Graham walks over to her.

“What happened?” he asks.

Marlene waves a hand. “It’s alright, Graham. He just needs some space.” She pats Graham’s arm and then goes back into the kitchen. 

For a moment, Daisy decides she should listen to her. After all, she knows what they were talking about and seems to believe that the best course of action is to let him be. But Daisy knows Billy . He might say he wants to be alone. Hell, he might be positive that he does. Somehow…She believes she knows better. 

She leans down to Maggie. “I’ll be right back, okay? Why don’t you go into the kitchen and see if your grandmom needs some help?”

Maggie nods excitedly and rushes away.

“Daisy—” Teddy starts, but she’s already walking out to the front yard.

When she gets outside, Billy’s smoking a cigarette and pacing. She knows he knows she’s followed him out here, but he doesn’t acknowledge her right away. She waits for him to say something, or look at her, or just breathe in her direction. He doesn’t, though, and eventually, she starts to get pissed. She’s sure that he knows she’s trying to help. That she wants to be there for him. But he isn’t letting her. It feels like an eerie reminder of the past, except even then, she isn’t sure he ever shut her out like this. Of course, that could be history and memory tricking her, making her believe that things used to be better than they really were. It wouldn’t be the first time her mind’s clouded over with nostalgia. 

Finally, it’s up to her to break the moment. “Billy, are you okay?”

He keeps smoking and doesn’t look at her. “I’m fine. You should go back inside.”

She swallows, and maybe a wiser woman would do what he said, but she isn’t sure she’s ever been wise. Especially when it comes to Billy. 

“What happened?”

He shakes his head. “I said—”

“I know what you said,” she cuts him off. “But I’m not going back inside until you tell me what’s going on with you and your mom.”

He sighs. “Nothing’s going on. It’s just our relationship.”

She crosses her arms. “Why are you lying to me, Billy?” 

When he does look at her, she almost wishes he hadn’t. His eyes hold so much and yet she can’t decipher a single thing. He’s shutting her out, and she has no idea why. Part of her believes that this is all her fault. That she’s done something wrong. But a larger one knows that she hasn’t given him a reason to lock her out. At least, not recently. 

Which means the longer he stares at her and doesn’t explain, the more pissed off she becomes.

“You don’t know what you think you do,” he says. 

Daisy doesn’t know why he’s doing this, but she’s determined to find out. Billy might not want to be open with her right now, but she isn’t going to take no for an answer. He thinks he doesn’t need to tell her what’s going on, but she knows better. 

She presses her lips together and shakes her head. “I know how much you love her and how much she loves you. Obviously, something happened. Just tell me, and maybe…Maybe I can help.”

He stubs out his cigarette and pockets it. “You can’t.”

She frowns. “Why not?” He makes a face, but doesn’t say anything, so she continues, “I want to help, Billy. I want this holiday to be…I don’t know, exactly. But I do know that I don’t want it to be… This . Whatever is going on right now.”

Something in the way he looks at her shifts, and it’s even worse than it was before. 

“Well, sorry to break it to you, Daisy, but not everything is going to be perfect just because you want it to be.”

Daisy blinks rapidly, as if she can’t believe what he’s said, but the truth is more complicated than that. Because…Of course, she can believe that he’s said it. She isn’t sure she expected anything else. Or, if she did, then it wasn’t based in reality. This is exactly the kind of reaction she should bet on when it comes to him. Particularly when it involves his family. 

She was starting to believe that maybe she was a part of that family, too, but it’s clear to her now that as close as the two of them are, there’s still so much distance between the two of them. He doesn’t see her as the kind of person he can talk about his mom with, or Graham. She’s still kept at a distance.

It breaks her heart, so she does the only thing she knows how to do.

“Yeah, well, you’re doing a damn good job of fucking it all up,” she fires back.

He doesn’t anticipate it, but the satisfaction of surprising him only lasts a minute. 

“Why do you even want to know about my relationship with my mom, anyway?”

She swallows down an angry retort, but her tone is still harsh when she replies, “Because I care about you, dipshit. And I want to make sure you’re okay. I want to make sure she’s okay, too. I was just trying to—”

But he interrupts her. 

“Right. Because you know so much about having a good relationship with mothers?” He scoffs. “Spare me, okay?”

She works her jaw. “Well, from where I’m standing, you don’t know anything about having a good relationship with yours, either.”

If it was this final comment that did him in or something Marlene said, she isn’t sure. All she is positive of is that it sets him off. 

He spreads his arms and tells her, “Well, at least I have a fucking relationship with mine. At least, I have a mother at all .”

The words don’t hit her for a moment. She stares at him in shock as they do register, and she can see how much he regrets them. It doesn’t make it better. A piece of her might prefer it if he didn’t. Because at least then she wouldn’t have to concern herself with forgiving him. But she can feel how much he wants to take them back before he even opens his mouth. 

The hurt the damned sentence has caused hits her in full force then. Her bottom lip trembles and she’s trying to swallow down her tears. The last thing she wants to do is cry in front of him right now. There’s no getting away from it. There’s no getting away from him, and she isn’t sure even if she could, that she would choose to. 

And that might be the worst thing of all.

“Daisy—” His voice is broken and at a whisper, and she can’t let him say another word. 

Her own is a lethal calm. “No. You said it, now we have to sit with it.”

He nods and looks down at his hands. She doesn’t know how long they stand there. Both of them are waiting for a move they know the other won’t make. Even if one of them did, she isn’t sure anything can fix this. 

She walks back into the house and he doesn’t follow. When she comes back out a moment later with her car keys, he watches as she gets into her car and turns on the ignition. She sits and waits and starts to suspect he won’t understand what she wants. But then he puts it together, and slides into the passenger side. They pull out of the driveway and don’t say a word as she drives them out of her neighborhood. 

She doesn’t know where she’s going at first, but the idea comes to her and she’s too foolish to fight against it. She turns and they’re headed back towards the beach. She remembers the last time her and Billy were in a car at night, driving to the beach. She wishes she didn’t remember it as well as she does. Even through the fog of coke and pills and whiskey. No matter what she’s tried, that night has never left her. It feels even more visceral tonight. 

When she pulls into the empty parking lot, Billy still doesn’t say anything. She’s both grateful for it and wants to shake him. Because doesn’t he understand that they’re losing. She isn’t even sure what exactly. But she does know that if they don’t do something then neither one of them will win. 

The car’s still on and she flicks on the radio. The opening notes of Only You by Yazoo come through the stereo. She goes to change it to something louder with the hope that it will drown out whatever she’s feeling and the words neither one of them have tried to say yet. Billy reaches out and takes her hand away before she can. When she looks at him, she sees her own sadness reflected back.

Her hand lands on his knee with his still grasping onto it. 

“I shouldn’t have said it.”

Daisy blows out a breath and looks ahead of her. “I know.”

“I really am—”

She shakes her head, but doesn’t take her hand away. “Don’t say it. We both know you don’t mean it.”

His mouth twists and she wishes the confirmation that she still knows him best makes her feel better. Instead, it just makes her sad. Because they might know each other better than anyone else, but that also means they know how to hurt each other the most, too. They know the exact right place to cut deepest.. 

With how good things have been until now, Daisy let herself forget about that part of the two of them. 

“My mom and I…” Billy starts, but she doesn’t allow him to finish.

“I don’t want to hear it.” She swallows. “Not right now, at least.”

“Okay,” he responds.

He’s still looking at her, and she forces herself to meet his eyes with her own. 

She can see more of what he’s feeling this time. He’s decided to let her in. For now. For as much as he can bear. It’s not enough. Not even close. 

But that doesn’t stop her from moving forward and capturing his lips with hers. 

Billy hesitates at first, and she moves to pull away, believing that this is too much, even for him. Only he doesn’t let her get far. His hand moves up to the back of her neck and he kisses back with enough intensity to leave her breathless. She tangles a hand in his hair while she uses her nails to dig into his leg with her other one. He moans against her mouth and it is hot and urgent and helps her forget about how they got here tonight. 

He pulls her in by the waist and places open-mouthed kisses on her neck and the top of her chest. 

“Billy,” she pants out.

“Daisy.”

The way he says her name blocks out every last doubt she has about doing this now. There are a thousand reasons why they shouldn’t, maybe more. She doesn’t care about a single one of them though when he helps her get settled in his lap and she grinds her hips down. Their next kiss is rough and every bit of the battle she expects from him. She bites down on his lip and he digs his hand into her hair. Her nails scrape on his shoulders through his shirt. She trails them down his chest and then uses her palm to feel him growing hard in his jeans. 

They break apart and Billy just looks at her for a minute. Even when she’s pissed at him and can’t imagine a time when she won’t be, she still can’t get enough of how he looks at her. Like she’s something truly otherworldly.

She realizes he’s waiting for something—permission. She swallows and nods. 

“I’m sure,” she tells him. “I promise.”

He doesn’t wait around for more words, both of them know there aren’t sufficient ones. There’s just whatever exists between the two of them. It seems to be always changing these days, but one thing she is certain about is that it isn’t…Real. And it might never be. 

She decides she can’t focus on that right now. She lets herself go in the moment, in being with Billy. Because it might not be real , but it could be something she needs even more. 

Billy sweeps her dress over her head and she has to hold herself back from ripping his off him. He unclasps her bra next and she loses herself in kissing him as he rubs circles on her breasts, the feeling of his hands on her all but doing her in. Her hands get his belt off and she holds onto him while he gets his jeans and boxers down his legs. He helps her out of her tights and underwear. It should be awkward or funny or anything but intense and wild and fueled by endless desire.

Daisy kisses him and drifts her hand down. He gasps when she wraps her hand around his cock. His tongue sweeps into her mouth and she rubs her thumb over the hilt of him. She smirks when he comes more desperate in his kisses. 

“Do you need me?” she asks, her voice sounding more confident in the answer than she feels. 

“Yes,” he gets out. 

She pulls back and he practically whines. She bites her lip. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

He’s never going to let himself be outdone, though, and reaches down to stroke her clit with a finger. She jerks and then curses.

He grins. “Looks like you need me, too, baby.”

After that, Daisy decides they need to stop wasting precious minutes. They both know they’re operating on borrowed time. They have a Christmas to host. And Marlene to deal with. And, eventually, Camila and Julia. 

In short, they’re screwed.

So, they need to make the most of the time they do have to make one massive, amazing mistake. 

She takes his cock in her hand and he helps her guide him into her. She hisses at feeling, and it turns into a sound that comes from low in her throat. He kisses her deeply as he thrusts the rest of the way inside of her. She rolls her hips and he squeezes her hip with one hand, helping her reach a deeper fit. 

“Fucking perfect,” he murmurs against her mouth, and she isn’t sure if he meant to say it out loud. 

They’re both so pent-up—both from their fight and now this—that it doesn’t take long for their movements and breathing to become frantic. 

She keeps pressing her hips down and then lifting them, just enough to keep them both satisfied but also desperate for more. His fingers go to tease her clit, pressing down right where she needs them. She gasps out his name and his kisses down her throat. He reaches her breasts and takes one of her nipples in between his teeth. She cries out and digs her nails in anywhere she can reach. 

She tries to hold out, but in the end, he’s giving her exactly what she needs, and she comes while kissing him. Not to be outdone, she rides him hard, giving as much as she possibly can while riding out her orgasm. He comes with her name on his lips. It shouldn't give her the best high she’s felt in her life, but it does. 

If only it could last. 

When they’re both dressed and somewhat presentable, Billy looks out the window and coughs. “We should probably get back.”

She nods stiffly, chastising herself for thinking that he’d say anything different after what just happened.

“Okay.”

He looks at her briefly, gives her a tight, constrained smile, and that’s when Daisy knows for certain that this night, and maybe her whole goddamn life, is truly doomed. 

Without even realizing it’s happening, Billy has lost hold of everything he’s been trying to keep in his grasp for months, maybe even years. Maybe as many years as it’s been since Chicago. He doesn’t know when it slipped away, but he does know the moment he realizes it’s gone. Maybe forever. 

When Daisy pulls into her driveway, she doesn’t say anything to him before she gets out and heads inside. He doesn’t blame her. Even if she did wait around, he doesn’t know what he would say. 

He walks back into the house and finds that while he and Daisy have been gone, his mom’s finished dinner and the table has been set. He prays no one can catch on to what happened in the last hour, but one look from Warren and he knows it’s useless. 

Warren comes up to him, but before he can say a word, Billy stops him. “Don’t.” He relents, “At least, not, uh, tonight.”

Warren huffs, but accepts it.

Daisy avoids acknowledging his existence, and while he gets it, he doesn’t like it. 

Billy thinks this night can’t possibly get any worse, but he’s proven wrong a moment later when Julia comes racing through the door along with Nicky.

Chapter Text

Daisy doesn’t want to look at Billy, but it takes every bit of strength she has to stop herself from returning his gaze. She feels his eyes on her like a brand. For once, she wishes he had more self-control around her. Usually, especially back during AURORA , all she wanted was for him to lose some of the holds he had on his desires. Particularly the desires that concerned her. Now, she needs him to reign it in. 

Because she isn’t sure she’ll be able to stop herself from doing something stupid if he doesn’t. 

She already did something stupid tonight, and even though the memory of them having sex in her car at the beach should make her cringe or descend into self-loathing, it doesn’t. At least, not entirely. There’s a piece of her that only wants more, as much as she knows it’s a bad idea. 

When Maggie was born, she promised her daughter she wouldn’t be reckless with her. But now she has proved herself wrong. She broke that promise. With Billy. She can’t let it happen again. Even if it means fighting against everything her heart, body, and mind want. 

At least she can focus on dinner and her full house. 

Maggie rushes to Julia and tackles her in a hug, which Julia returns happily. Nicky walks over to Daisy, who is carrying bags full of presents. 

“Where can I put these?” he asks, grinning as Maggie pulls Julia around the house and shows her all the decorations. 

Daisy leads him over to the tree and helps him unpack everything under the tree. 

He’s studying her, but she pretends not to notice. In the end, though, she can’t escape him. 

“You alright, Daisy?”

She nods. “Fine.”

His eyes look over to where Billy’s talking to Lisa and Warren. Something in his expression shifts when he turns back to Daisy.

“I know we’re not exactly friends, but…You can talk to me. Even if I told someone about it, it’s not as if they would listen to a word of it. Let alone believe me.”

She takes a deep breath, and even though she shouldn’t, she already knows she will. 

“Do you have any cigarettes on you?”

He nods, and she walks out to the back of the house through the kitchen. Nicky follows, and she feels not just Billy’s eyes on her but everyone’s. They’re protective, and she appreciates it. A part of her knows they’re also just as protective of Maggie. They don’t trust Nicky. Hell, they probably don’t even trust her around him. But she’s feeling too many things at once right now, and she can’t talk about it to any of them. They’re all too involved with her and Billy. Right now, she just needs someone who listens to her and knows her better than he knows Billy. 

It might be the most selfish thing she’s done in years, but her heart is breaking, and she can’t even blame Billy completely for it. 

He didn’t manipulate her into going to that beach in the middle of a fight. She did what she wanted without a second thought about how it could impact her or Maggie or Billy. She took and took, and it’s all too much. 

When they get outside, Nicky lets her smoke for a few minutes. She hates the silence. It’s so different from the kind she usually shares with Billy. It does remind her of the silence from the car ride back from the beach less than an hour ago. How he said they should just get back, shutting down the possibility to talk through what happened and what it meant. 

She’s angry and hurt and wants to hurt him back, as unfair and wrong as she knows it would be to do so. 

Because it’s not just on him. She could’ve fought him on it, insisted they talk. Or stop them from having sex in the first place. There are a lot of things she should’ve done. Only, like always, she did what she wanted at that moment. Consequences be damned. 

Except this time, she isn’t sure she’ll make it through on the other side. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she finally says after she’s made it through a whole cigarette. 

Nicky, to his credit, waits before he replies, “Does anyone?” She shoots him a look and he adds, “What I mean is…I think we’re all feeling like that right now, and you’re not alone, trust me.”

“I used to know.” She shakes her head. “I used to know I was doing the right thing. But now…”

He frowns. “What happened?” 

She thinks about lying or not telling him the whole truth. Really, there are about a million other people she should go to about Billy than Nicky Fitzpatrick. She could call Simone, even though she’s doing business in Milan with Bernie. There are people in her house she could turn to: Warren, Lisa,  Karen, or hell, even Eddie. But again, all of them know too much. They know Billy . And as much as he pisses them off or has shut them out, they’re still his family, too. They were his family first . For better, but mostly for worse, Nicky was just her family, however fleeting and painful it was. 

So, she does something she never thought she would do again, and she opens up to Nicky. She tells him what she’s feeling and all the scary thoughts she can’t believe she’s even saying out loud. To his credit, he lets her go on and on. He just listens. Which she doesn’t remember being something he ever did when they were married. 

In a different world, it might make all the difference. It could’ve convinced her to give him another chance. If not with her, then at least with Maggie, letting her see him as her dad. But it isn’t another world. They’re stuck with this one. And in this one, she knows she’ll never escape what Nicky did or her unyielding love for Billy Dunne.

“Well, you certainly know how to weave some tangled webs, don’t you?” he says when she’s finished. 

She shoots him a dark look. “Thanks for reminding me of all the reasons I divorced your ass.”

He sighs and goes on, “I deserve that. But what I should’ve said is…You need to talk to him.”

She waves her hand. “We talk plenty. Believe me.”

He gives her a look that tells her he doesn’t buy it in the least. “But do you talk about the things that matter?”

She sucks her teeth and tries to think of a response that he won’t pick apart, but she comes up empty.

“You’re an asshole,” she tells him.

To her surprise, he laughs. “Oh, I’m aware, and we also both know I’m right.”

But now that she knows something needs to be done, she has no idea how to go about changing things. She paces for a few minutes, giving herself time to just think . Even after getting sober, she’s still one to act first and consider the pros and cons later. She can’t do that with Billy. Not when she has Maggie to think about. It’s more than just her, though…Daisy doesn’t want to keep hurting herself and, more importantly, doesn’t want to keep hurting Billy. 

It might be ridiculous and foolish, but she really does want to find a way for them to be together. Breakfast on Saturdays and, going to the park, and maybe adopting a dog Billy swears he doesn’t want but loves anyway. She wants to be happy, but only if it’s with him. 

Only she has no idea if she’s realized it too late. 

She looks back at Nicky. “If you’re so brilliant, then how do you suggest I change that?” 

Nicky shrugs. “Hell, if I know.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re so helpful. I’m glad I turned to you of all people.” She shakes her head. “I’m going to go find Warren. I bet he’ll actually have some useful advice.”

He puts a hand on her arm to stop her. It pisses her off, but only for a second.

Because then he says, “As much as you don’t want me to, I do know you, Daisy. I know I don’t really deserve to, and I haven’t used it for any kind of good in the past, but…I want to help. Honest.”

She doesn’t want him to be the one who helps her, but she also can admit that isn’t entirely true. She needs someone removed from the situation, and it doesn’t get much more removed than Nicky. She knows if she kissed him right now or really did anything to encourage him, he would take it. It wouldn’t be hard, maybe the exact opposite. 

It’s a dangerous thought. 

Billy is…Anything but easy. Their shared history and personalities make it so. But she knows that as simple as Nicky is, he isn’t who she wants. She wants Billy and just needs him to be…Himself. She remembers how good of a person Billy is, how he understands her in a way no one else can, and how much he loves Maggie and Julia. It all helps ground her.

“Okay,” she agrees. “I want to be with Billy. And I hope he wants to be with me. But I have no idea how to even begin.” She nods to him. “So, what’ve you got?”

Nicky huffs, and she adds, “Hey! You’re the one who wants to help.”

“I know, I know,” he relents. “I just can’t believe I’m helping my ex-wife get her happy ending with Billy Dunne, of all people.”

She shrugs. “Life’s a bitch that way.”

At this, he laughs, and she finds herself returning it. 

“But,” he continues, “I guess what I’ve got is…You and Billy have an irritating habit of getting in your own way when it comes to your feelings for one another.”

Daisy tries to argue against that, but Nicky raises his brows and asks, “And what exactly was one of your main reasons for marrying me?”

She has no choice but to give in. She knows he’s right. “Fine. You might have a small point there.”

He shakes his head. “As I was saying, the two of you always find all these reasons to not be together. Instead of just…Being together.”

She protests, “You think if it was that simple that we’d be here?” She snorts. “Please. You don’t know me as well as you think you do. And you don’t know Billy at all.”

Nicky just laughs, though, but when she narrows her eyes, he raises his hands in surrender. “Look, I’m not saying it’s simple . Nothing about the two of you has ever been remotely close to that. And maybe I don’t know you or Billy. But I have eyes and ears, and I know what I’m talking about, even if it’s just this one time. If it was easy to be with him, then you wouldn’t want him. Trust me.”

“I know all of that,” she replies, her voice quiet. 

Nicky offers a sad kind of smile. “I know that, too.”

There’s a lump in her throat she can’t quite get rid of, and years of worries and doubts and fears well up inside of her. 

Nicky reaches out and rubs her shoulders. “I might not be any kind of expert on love, but I do know that you two…There’s just something that I could never touch. I don’t think anyone can. So, do the world a favor and tell him. Believe in the two of you. If not for your sake, then anyone else who might be foolish enough to fall in love with one of you.”

Daisy tries to fight off a smile, but in the end, she loses. “Me listening to Nicky Fitzpatrick. I never thought I would experience this .”

Nicky huffs, and then Daisy does something and surprises herself: she reaches out and hugs him. It’s not romantic. It’s not even friendship. It’s just gratitude. Nicky will never be what he once was to her. They both know that. And this all feels an awful lot like a goodbye. This moment won’t last—it can’t. 

But for the first time in years, she is grateful she met Nicky. 

Which is, of course, when Billy walks out and sees them.

She steps out of Nicky’s arms, but it’s too late. She opens her mouth to say something and explain. To reassure Billy that what he thinks he’s seeing isn’t true. He beats her to it before she can. 

Billy works his jaw and then nods. “Right. Okay, then.”

Then he turns and walks away, banging the back door to the house as he does.

She doesn’t understand his reaction, but she can guess the why behind it. Her mind spins with what he must think, and her heart sinks into her stomach. All of her confidence gets sucked out of her with a single look from him. Except, this time, she knows it’s her own fault. 

“Billy, wait!” she calls out and doesn’t hesitate before going after him. 

Because she might still be scared, but she wants a life with Billy. A real one where neither one of them doubts the other or themselves. She wants…Everything. And now that she’s sure of that, she will never stop fighting for it. For him. For their family. 

Billy’s heart is racing and for nowhere near the first time in his life, he regrets ever meeting Daisy Jones. 

He can’t believe her. He doesn’t want to accept that she would do this. That, after everything, she’d choose Nicky. The man who left her when she needed him most. Who treated her as if she was a thing to possess and not a woman to love. But then again…Did Billy do much better for her back then?

He knows he’s done better since, that he’s proven himself to be a good father to Maggie and someone who cares for Daisy. That doesn’t erase all of the times he wasn’t there for Daisy in the way she needed. Maybe part of that is on what she did to him and her own decisions, but it’d be too easy to blame it all on her. 

He has to accept the role he’s played in making things harder for Daisy. That he’s also made things harder for any kind of future for the two of them. Maybe if he’d done things differently or figured out the truth about Camila knowing about Maggie sooner…Maybe then things wouldn’t be so impossible. 

It doesn’t erase the image of Daisy hugging Nicky and what he knows it means. 

He walks out of the house and intends to get into his car, not knowing where he’s going, but he is sure he needs to get out of this place. He knows Daisy’s following him and can hear her asking him to stop. But it isn’t Daisy who follows him outside.

It’s his mom.

“Billy Dunne!” she calls out. “Don’t you dare get in that car.”

He doesn’t turn around to look at her, but he doesn’t move closer to his car, either. 

“Mom—”

“No,” she interrupts. “I let you storm off once tonight. I’m not going to let you do it a second time. Not when we both know it’s wrong.” Her voice gets softer. “And that the only person you’re truly trying to punish by doing it is yourself.”

Billy doesn’t want to hear it, but a horrible, secret part of himself knows exactly what she’s talking about. He does turn around, though, figuring after their fight earlier, he owes her that much. He doesn’t want to think about that fight and what he said.

“What do you want?” he asks her. 

She looks away from him and shakes her head. “You know, I didn’t want to believe what you said earlier, but now I think it’s more than just you wanting to shut me out because you don’t need me to, using your word, “hover.” I think you really don’t trust me.”

It makes him feel awful, and his first instinct is to lie to make it all go away. “I trust you.”

“Sure, you do.” She turns back to him and walks closer. She’s treating him like he’s a caged animal, and he can’t even blame her for it. “I think I warrant a better lie than that, don’t you?”

“I—” he starts, but she doesn’t let him finish. 

“That wasn’t an invitation to try and come up with a better one.”

Billy huffs but knows when he’s beat and decides to go with the truth for once. “I still don’t know what you want from me right now.”

It’s not much, and he doubts it’s going to get him out of this, but he also knows it’s the only thing he has left. 

His mom crosses her arms and considers his response. “Billy…I want you to be happy. God knows that’s never been easy for you. And maybe you’re right. I did play a role in making things harder for you growing up. I tried my best, but I fucked up.” She sighs. “I didn’t mean to, and I never wanted to, but it happened anyway.”

“You don’t need to do this,” he responds. “I’m fine. I’m—”

“You are not fine ,” she insists. “You are running. Worse, you’re lying to yourself. Still. After all this time, after everything that’s happened in the past few years. You’re denying yourself and Daisy the chance to try. You’re denying that to your daughter, too.”

Billy doesn’t want to let her words impact him. What he wants is to shoot down every accusation she’s making. To tell her that she’s got it all wrong. He isn’t the one “denying” himself anything. That it’s all on Daisy or fucked up timing or even Nicky. Because to accept what she’s saying would make him the worst kind of coward. It’d seal his fate to be the most miserable bastard to ever exist. 

And even though he can tell his mom is trying her best to convince him to choose something different, between what he said to Daisy earlier tonight and seeing her with Nicky, it already feels too late. 

By his mom bringing up Maggie well, it puts it all into a different perspective. Because it’s easy enough to decide he isn’t worth the risk. As much as he doesn’t want to admit it, even denying a future with him to Daisy is explainable. He’s done it before, after all. 

But Maggie…He can’t stomach the thought that he could be hurting her with his own fears or selfishness. Accepting that he is would mean him admitting he isn’t the kind of father he thinks he is. That he isn’t a good one. That he doesn’t even deserve to be a dad to Maggie. 

It all threatens to send him spinning out even more, and somehow, even though he does his best to cover it up, his mom figures it out. 

“Oh, sweetheart. I didn’t mean to…” She gets closer to him and reaches out to rub his arm. “I didn’t say any of that to hurt you, I promise. All I am trying to do is talk some sense into you. To make you see what we all do: that you deserve so much more than you think you do.”

At first, Billy has no idea what to do with any of that. 

That’s not exactly true.

He knows what he wants to do with it. 

But he’s starting to suspect that his mom won’t let that fly this time. That he’ll need to do more than lie his way out of this. No matter how convincing he tries to be. Without the comfort of his lies, he feels like he’s choking. His heart clenches, and he wishes there was some way out of this other than the only one he knows—the one who’s been there for him his whole life. 

“I don’t…” He swallows. “I don’t know if that’s true.”

It feels odd, to be honest with his mom, but not nearly as bad as he thought it would.

She nods. “I know.” She smiles softly. “But that’s why you have people in your life who love you. To tell you when you’re being a stubborn ass.”

His mom isn’t one to curse freely, and it startles a laugh out of him. 

“What?” She raises her brows. “You really think I don’t know when to use those words? Please, Billy, give me a little credit.” She turns serious once more. “You are being one, and if you don’t realize that there’s another way to live your life…” She turns wistful. “You know, I have some regrets in my life. Plenty, actually. But I don’t let any of them haunt me, at least not in the way you do.”

“I don’t know if haunt is the right word for it,” he tells her. “Regrets are just a part of life. Especially mine. And I don’t…Maybe I’m just not the sort of person who has the life you think I should.”

She doesn’t even consider entertaining this, of course. “You’re my son, Billy, and all I want is for you to be happy. To have a good, full life. I can’t force you into wanting it, though. Or going after it. That’s up to you. My job is to be here for you no matter what, and I will be, but…Before you let this chance go, think about if it will just be another thing you let haunt you for the rest of your life.”

For the first time in years, he listens to his mom, truly listens to her, instead of deciding what he thinks or wants before she’s even finished speaking. Up until tonight, he believed that to need his mom made him weak. Or, at least, even weaker than he already is all the time. Her reassurance and belief in him, while also telling him to essentially get his shit together, doesn’t change everything. It doesn’t magically repair the damage that he’s done to himself, and that’s been done to him. It does do…Something, though. He might not yet know what it is, but it feels important. It feels life-changing. 

Which scares the shit out of him. 

At the same time, it may be the closest to belief in himself to have a good life that he’s ever come. 

“How do I even start going after it?” he asks because he genuinely wants to know. He doesn’t know what he’ll do without the right answer.

His mom doesn’t have one, though, not the one he needs. “I have no idea.” She laughs softly at his expression and continues, “Don’t look so surprised. It’s not up to me to find a way for you to have the life you want. The one I think you’ve wanted for a very long time. I just know that you try. That’s all anyone can do.”

Billy should expect it, but her response still deflates some of the hope he’s started to feel. 

He has to force the next part out, “And if it’s not enough?”

His mom hesitates, but in the end, she’s honest. “Then you gave it your best shot. You did something . You made a choice . And trust me, making a choice and having it go wrong is a million times easier to accept and overcome than never making it in the first place.”

Billy kind of hates her at this moment, and even though he doesn’t say it out loud, he thinks she knows. That she’s seen through more of his lies than he thinks is possible. She’s just been waiting for him to choose to be honest with her. It sort of destroys him. His mom has had hundreds of opportunities to call him out, and yet, she didn’t. She gave him that kindness. 

Until now, when something’s changed for her, and she’s decided that he couldn’t continue as he has.

He doesn’t have a good reply to her, but he makes himself nod. It’s then that he sees Daisy standing in the doorway. She’s close enough that she’s probably heard most of it. A part of him is pissed, after all, she doesn’t have a right to listen to what his mom said to him. It doesn’t last, though, not when he knows that if he keeps that mindset in place, he’ll lose her. And maybe Maggie, one day, too. 

As terrified as he is to follow his mom’s advice, the thought of losing his family scares him even more.

“Talk to her,” his mom says before turning around and walking back toward the house. 

Daisy steps to the side, and his mom whispers something in her ear that Billy can’t make out and that he has a feeling he isn’t supposed to. It only freaks him out a little. He trusts them both, but…Old habits die awfully hard. 

He can only hope that, just this once, he’ll be able to fight against every last one and win. 

Daisy doesn’t intend to eavesdrop, honest. 

She’s following Billy, and Marlene gets there first, but she must know that Daisy’s standing behind them, even as she and Billy start to fight. 

The longer the conversation goes on, the more she’s sure she should leave. Let the two of them work it out and try to find a way to let go of the belief Nicky helped her find. But she can’t bring herself to do it. She can’t walk away. 

Because she knows that, if she does, there might not be a way to go back. 

So, she stands there like a weirdo and listens to Marlene tell Billy that he deserves a good life, but he needs to be the one to go after it.

It both reassures her and makes her freak out. 

On one hand, Marlene’s belief that Billy wants a life with Daisy is everything she’s hoped for. It makes her believe in herself and him and has her fantasizing about what a future where it all works out looks like. But it also opens up old wounds and the possibility of new ones. Just because Marlene thinks that Billy should be with her doesn’t mean that’s what he’ll do. She knows by now that no one can make him do anything. Even if she thinks it’s what he truly wants or what is good for him. Leaving her fate in other people’s hands—in Billy’s hands—scares the shit out of her. 

She almost turns around then, before Billy knows she’s out here and he can reject her. It might ruin her, but she thinks she can survive the not-knowing if it means not having to live in a world where Billy doesn’t think the two of them are worth it. Just as she starts to move back inside, Billy looks up and sees her, and then there’s no running from whatever this night will bring.

Marlene tells Billy to talk to Daisy, and then she’s heading toward her. 

Daisy braces herself for Marlene to warn her not to hurt her son or her granddaughter or let him down easily, or accept defeat if he truly doesn’t want her—anything except what she does say.

“Be gentle with yourself, Daisy,” she tells her, soft and kind and all the things Daisy never received from her own mother. She doesn’t have a response, and before Marlene heads inside, she adds, “It may not mean much, but I am rooting for the two of you.”

It gives her as much courage as she is going to get right now, but she’s so thankful for it that she almost cries. Even if it only lasts for a moment. Because Daisy doesn’t know what to make of the look on Billy’s face once Marlene leaves them alone. 

She forces herself to walk over to him. Her legs shake, and she has her arms crossed so Billy won’t see that her hands are, too. She bets it doesn’t matter, and that he can see right through her defenses. But she can’t fight them off. Not yet. Not until she knows what he’s thinking.

If he’s decided that he doesn’t want to have regrets when it comes to her, and intends to let her in, or if he’s sure that whatever they are simply isn’t worth all the ways it could go wrong.

When she gets close enough to touch him, she restrains herself from doing so. It wouldn’t be fair. And they’ve both already done enough to be unfair to one another tonight. She waits and waits, knowing that it needs to be him who starts, even if the silence is killing her.

The minutes pass, and Daisy starts to worry even more that he’s simply trying to find the best way to tell her he doesn’t want a life with her. That he doesn’t want to hurt her, but he won’t change his mind. He can’t let her all the way in, not in the way she needs. She swallows thickly and tries to plan a proper response to that.

The possible pain is too much, and she decides she’ll beat him to it and stop him before he can even begin. 

“It’s okay, Billy,” she gets out, hating how wrecked her voice is but unable to stop it. “You don’t have to say anything. I understand.”

“Daisy, I…”

She can’t hear it, though. “Really. I know what you’re going to say and—”

“You don’t,” he cuts her off. “I think, for once, you have no idea what I’m going to say.”

She looks down at her hands, unable to meet his eye because whatever he’s going to tell her might be even worse than she’s imagined. 

“I told you I would wait for you, that I didn’t care how long it took. And I meant that. I mean it still.” He pauses. “I know I’ve said it before, but I’m in love with you, Daisy, and that hasn’t changed. It will never change.”

Daisy can’t fight meeting his eye as he says this. He was right. It isn’t at all what she thought he would say. But she knows all too well that there’s a difference between him being in love with her and wanting to actually be with her. To truly let his walls fall away and stop being scared he’ll hurt her and ruin everything. There’s a difference between him saying he’ll wait for her and proving to her that he wants that wait to come to an end one day. 

She searches for an answer that will keep her safe while also encouraging him to keep going. There isn’t one, of course. So, she goes with the truth. 

“I’m so in love with you,” she manages, and it feels every bit as wonderful and hard as she always thought it would. “I’ve been in love with you since ‘75, and there have been times where I’ve hidden from it or denied it and times where it was the only thing I’ve ever been sure of in my whole life.”

Billy takes a step toward her, and it takes everything in her to put up a hand. They’re so close that it lands on his chest, right over his heart. She wishes she could take it away. Lose herself in the moment and the love they have for one another. But the thought of Maggie and protecting the life they have together right now stops her. 

“Billy,” she lets out a breath. “I’m in love with you, but it’s not everything. Maybe it would be if it was ‘77 and there wasn’t Maggie to think about. But it isn’t and she is.” 

He looks so destroyed. She wishes there was any way around this, but life has taught her that there isn’t. If the two of them are going to have a chance, then she needs to finish. 

“I want to be with you. I want our family. I want that more than anything.” 

Hope reignites in his eyes then, and it helps her continue. 

“But it is only going to work if you let me in. Not because I force my way in or find out what you’re thinking just because it’s so similar to what I am. I need you to tell me the truth, not just when you’re desperate to keep me with you, but all the time. Especially when it matters most, and you think I can’t handle it. I need you to trust me.”

She has to force the last part out, knowing that it could very well damn them both, “If you can’t do that, then I can’t be in a relationship with you. Not just for Maggie, but for me, too. If we can’t believe that the other won’t cut and run, no matter what, then even trying will just make it all hurt more. You’ll always be in my life, I promise. But if you want us to be…If you want us to be real, then that’s what I need. I’ll do whatever I can to give you what you need, too, but if we can’t try to do it this way, then…”

It turns out she can’t finish the sentence, but she knows her meaning is as clear as if she had. 

More silence settles over them, and this time, she doesn’t rush him. Whatever he decides, she needs him to be sure. If he isn’t, and he lies again, it will wreck their lives even more. It might just blow up everything they’ve worked to build over the past few years. So, she gives him time. He has earned that, and even if he hadn’t, she would still give it to him. 

That’s what you do for the people you love. 

Daisy watches Billy as he looks away from her and braces herself for the worst. Even if it doesn’t end the way she’s been dreaming of, she doesn’t regret what she’s said. She doesn’t regret falling in love with him or having Maggie. How can she? He and Maggie saved her life. More times than she can count. So, even if it all ends in dirt, she won’t let this decision haunt her. 

When he turns back to her, there are tears in his eyes. He sniffs, and she feels her own well in her eyes. This time, she won’t beat him to it. She’ll let him end this however he needs. Maybe because she doesn’t think she has the strength to do it, but also…If she has to give him this, then she will. No matter what they are moving forward, she’ll give him all that she can. 

“I trust you, Daisy,” he starts and her heart is already breaking, but she fights through it. “Maybe I haven’t always trusted you or convinced myself that I couldn’t, but I do now. I swear. And I don’t…” He lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t want to lie to you. Not about the most important things or the small ones…I want to be able to tell you everything.”

It’s then that she realizes what he’s doing or, at the very least, trying to do. It makes the pieces of her heart find their way back together. She wants to encourage him, to cut him off, and tell him she understands. But she knows she can’t. He needs to tell her all of this, and she needs to listen. 

Their roles are reversed, and it all feels impossible, but she starts to feel something a lot like hope. 

“I don’t know how.” He huffs. “I wish I did. Or that there was some kind of manual that told me how to be honest with you. One that made everything make sense. But there isn’t. But.” He swallows. “Will you help me figure it out? Will you help us figure out how to do…Any of this?”

Her bottom lip trembles and she wants more than anything to kiss him right now and assure him that it will be okay, but she lets him go on. 

“God knows I might be the most selfish shit to even ask, but I can’t not. I can’t imagine a future where we don’t at least try. And maybe I can’t give you everything that you deserve, but I will do everything in my power to never lie to you again and learn how to become the person you need.”

When he’s done, she gives them both some time. They can’t rush this, which means she can’t rush this choice, either. Even if she knows what it is before he finishes that last sentence. Because it might not make sense or be right, but she doesn’t care. This is Billy. 

This is Daisy and Billy, and there is nothing she can do to fight against that when he’s making this promise to her. 

In the end, she doesn’t plan what she’s going to say. She just goes with her gut. 

“So, you’re asking me to be patient with you, huh?” 

He frowns for a second before it registers, and then he laughs. “You’re an ass.”

“I know.” Her voice is earnest but also teasing, reminding her of a different time, a memory of a moment she cherishes even now.

“But you mean it?” he asks.

She nods and grins. “There’s only one person I’m willing to be patient with when it comes to this, Billy, and it’s you. I promise.”

Then he reaches up and cups her cheek. Her eyes float closed softly. She knows this moment is just the beginning, that there’s still so much for the two of them to overcome, but she believes that it’s okay. Because, tonight, they’re swearing to be sacred to each other. 

And when Billy kisses her, it feels every bit like a vow. 

Chapter Text

Billy is perfectly aware of how corny it is to ask Daisy out on their first date on New Year’s Eve, but he thinks she might not find it nearly as embarrassing. Or, she will and will take the opportunity to make fun of him. Either way, it will make her happy.

He starts by talking to his mom. In part because he owes it to her after failing her so many times before. Also, he needs to reassure himself that this is the right decision. If it isn’t, he likes to think that he will back off and let things between him and Daisy settle more. But…He knows the truth is far more complicated.

“Billy, you already know what I think you should do,” his mom says while they make breakfast that morning. 

Daisy and Maggie are somehow both still asleep. Mostly because he’s fairly certain Warren and Eddie gave Maggie the biggest sugar high of her life the night before. He tried to stop them, but it turns out he has very little sway with his daughter when it comes to hot chocolate and candy canes. 

“I…” When he fails to come up with a solid argument against her, he admits that she’s right. “You have a point. I’m just…” He forces himself to tell her the truth. “I’m still nervous.”

His mom turns sympathetic. “Of course you are, sweetheart. Anyone in your position would be.”

He makes a face. “Yeah, but it should feel easier than this, I think. Especially after everything Daisy and I have been through.”

But she shakes her head and tells him, “It’s because of everything the two of you have been through that it’s understandable you’re nervous. I’m sure she feels the same way.”

“Thanks,” he replies, dry. “That really makes me feel better.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Don’t take that tone with me.” He gives her a sheepish, apologetic look, and she laughs. “If you wanted to be lied to, then you shouldn’t have come to me about this.” 

He does start to succumb to his worries then. Not because he wants to or because they’re easier than facing the truth of the future that he wants with Daisy. Rather, they’re just what he knows best. He might’ve committed to tell Daisy the truth from now on and try to let her in, but it doesn’t mean everything’s changed over night. 

But before he can spin out entirely, his mom adds, “Don’t worry yourself sick. If I didn’t believe in the two of you, if I wasn’t rooting for you both, then I wouldn’t have done what I did. I would’ve let the two of you be. Now, tell me, does it seem like I have any intention of doing that sometime soon?”

He swallows. “No, but—”

She shakes her head. “No buts, Billy. You made a promise to that woman, and no matter how hard it gets, I know how much you want to keep it. So, I’m not going to let you give up before you’ve even truly begun.”

He sighs and thinks about fighting off her words. Or, at the very least, letting them go without feeling their impact. It would certainly be easier. Only he remembers Christmas Eve and what it felt like to kiss Daisy after he said he would try, and she said she would be patient. He doesn’t want to let her down. But more than that, for the first time in a while, he doesn’t want to let himself down, either. He’s imagining more for himself and for his life than he thinks he’s ever allowed himself to want before. 

It scares the absolute shit out of him.

But all he can do is hope that it isn’t strictly a bad thing. 

In the end, he doesn’t give her the kind of response she deserves, but he thinks she understands. “Thank you.”

His mom nods and smiles. “Good. Now, come and tell me if this bacon is cooked enough for Daisy. I don’t think I’ve managed to get it as crispy as she likes it yet.”

After breakfast, Warren and Lisa come over to take Maggie to the park. Billy wonders when the two of them will have kids of their own, and he’s comforted by the thought that he’ll actually have a chance to know them. That he isn’t still on the outside of the family his former bandmates have formed. Before he knew about Maggie, he always believed that there wasn’t a way for them all to be in each other’s lives and that the pains of the past were simply too much for any of them to get over. Now, he knows that he was a fool. It doesn’t heal the memories of those five years after Chicago, but knowing that his life is better now does help. 

His mom says she wants to do some sightseeing, and she leaves with a pointed look at Billy. Daisy notices it but doesn’t comment on it. He’s thankful for it and knows that it isn’t easy for her to refrain from demanding an answer from him. He plans to give her one, of course, but he needs to do it on his own terms. 

He asks her to sit down at the kitchen table, and, at first, he thinks this will go smoothly. Like all the other times he asked women out on dates in the past. Which…Well, he should know by now that nothing with Daisy is predictable. 

“So…” he starts and chastizes himself in his head for sounding unbelievably lame. 

“So?” Daisy asks when he doesn’t add to that more than a minute later. 

He scratches the back of his neck, and she looks at him expectantly but doesn’t pressure him for more. 

“I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to get dinner tonight.”

He thinks she’ll let him off easy and finish that thought for him, but honestly, he should know better by now than to think Daisy would ever make this easy on him.

She frowns. “Were we not always having dinner together?” 

He can hear a hint of teasing in her voice and has to bite his cheek to stop himself from smiling. 

“Well, I was hoping it could be just the two of us,” he manages.

“Just the two of us, hmm?” she repeats, and he knows she’s fucking with him fully then.

It should piss him off, but it doesn’t. Maybe because half of him wants to kiss her this second while the other half wants to laugh. Mostly though…She’s just being so Daisy right now, so comfortable with him, that he can’t be all that upset about it. 

She continues, “Like a date?” 

He starts to stutter out a reply, but then she’s making kissing noises and laughing and it’s all he can do to not die from embarrassment. 

“Fuck off,” he retorts.

It only makes her laugh more. “Oh, come on, babe, don’t be like that. You were doing so well!”

He huffs and thinks about not actually asking her, just to piss her off, but in the end, he knows she has him beat. 

“Fine,” he replies. “Would you like to go out on a date tonight?”

Because she’s…Well her , she doesn’t give him an answer right away. Eventually, he figures that he either looks annoyed, pissed, and like he might just rescind his offer, or she simply gets bored of toying with him because she agrees.

“I think I can squeeze you in on my calendar.”

He raises his brows. “Oh, you think , huh?”

She grins. “Yes, well, you, of all people, should know how busy I am.”

He shakes his head, but before he can reply, she leans in and kisses him. 

It’s brief, sweet, even. She pulls away as quickly as she leans in. The kiss only lasts a moment, but it means more to him than almost any other in his entire life. It feels easy, and even though he knows they both still have a lot of work ahead of them if they’re going to be together, he feels lighter than he has in a long time. His worries and doubts still exist. More about himself than her. 

He still doesn’t know how or when he will ever learn to fully let her in. But he wants to, maybe more than anything else besides protecting Maggie. And he believes what she promised him, though, about being patient with him. There will be more than enough time for them to talk through the hard things. For now, he will let them breathe easy.

He looks at Daisy and is able to believe that things really will be okay one day.

She tilts her head to the side. “What’s that look?”

In another life, he would brush it off. He certainly did it enough to last a lifetime back in the seventies. He won’t now, though, and tries to reassure himself that there’s no reason to. 

“I just…Love you.”

Her whole face lights up, and he knows he has made the right choice. She laughs, but he can tell this one isn’t teasing. It’s pure joy.

She’s still a little breathless when she replies, “I love you, too, Billy.”

He returns her smile and wants to kiss her again so badly, but he doesn’t want to push his luck. 

His want must be obvious, though, because she laughs again and asks, “Are you going to kiss me for real or what?”

Billy doesn’t hesitate to touch her after she gives him permission. He cups her cheek in his hand and brushes his thumb there. Her eyes are shining, and he can tell she’s doing everything in her power to not rush this along. She swallows, and he watches it go down her throat. Before he met her, he thought he understood desire, but then she came into his life, and he realized he’d never felt it before. At least, not in the way he does with her. 

It’s not just about sex, though, of course, that’s part of it. It’s the part he was most comfortable with in the past because he could easily dismiss it. Write it off as her being sexy and him being susceptible and impossibly weak and nothing more. He doesn’t know when he realized that was just the surface with them.

Because he doesn’t just want Daisy out of some carnal need. He wants her because she knows him, and he knows her in every way that matters. She’s all-consuming, and he would be more than happy to drown in her. To let himself go until maybe, there’s nothing left. Even when he’s tried to tell himself otherwise, sex with Daisy isn’t only about sex. It never has been. It’s about belonging to her and wanting her to belong to him, too. It’s about feeling connected to the one person who might know him better than he knows himself. It’s about finding a way to let himself just…Be.

When Billy kisses her in earnest, Daisy melts into him, and it takes every bit of strength not to beg for her to let him take her right then and there. 

She smiles against his lips, and he knows she can tell what he’s thinking without needing to say a word. It should be infuriating. God knows that her ability to read him has pissed him off before. Enough to last more than one lifetime. This time, it doesn’t, and he finds it doesn’t take as much work to fight against the instinct to shut things down before they begin. Before she can really see what he’s feeling and thinking. It scares him, of course, but he thinks that might be a good thing. 

They’re both sitting in chairs at the table, so the angle’s a little awkward, but he doesn’t mind. Then, she surprises him by breaking the kiss. He frowns, but it only lasts a second because she settles in his lap and kisses him again. He nips at her bottom lip, and she gasps. The sound goes right to his cock, and even though he tries to hide it, she knows. She isn’t deterred, though, not in the least. Instead, she grinds down into his lap, making them both moan. 

Her hands dig into his shoulders through his shirt, probably leaving marks that he knows he’ll cherish. Her kisses turn more desperate when his own hand trails up her blouse and touches her breast through her bra. His mouth moves to her throat, leaving soft kisses there so as not to leave bruises. Not because he doesn’t want to or is ashamed of anything he has with Daisy, but rather, he isn’t sure she’s ready to share what they’re doing with the whole world. But especially Maggie. Neither one of them wants to risk hurting their daughter. As much as they love each other, they also love her, and even if it means hiding something from her, Billy knows it’s for the best. 

One day, he hopes, that won’t always be the case, but for now, he’s content to have this just be for the two of them. 

She leans down and presses her mouth against his again. This time, the kiss is even more heated. He wonders if, even if they haven’t meant to, both of them have been holding back until now. Maybe their conversation on Christmas Eve has finally allowed them to settle into one another. Their mutual trust may not be perfect yet, but it’s more than there was before, and that’s what matters.

He manages to unbutton her jean shorts so he can tease her through her panties with his fingers. 

She hisses. “Billy.”

The way her voice sounds while saying his name makes it impossible for him to do anything for a minute, but that doesn’t stop her from digging her nails even harder into his skin.

“Billy,” she repeats. “Please.”

She practically whines out the second word, and he can’t bring himself to deny moving the lace fabric aside and pressing his fingers against her wet cunt. 

Her kisses turn messy after that, but he doesn’t mind in the least. He’s all too happy to accept anything that she can give. He knows at some point, he’ll need to work to give her parts of himself, too. They can’t settle for him receiving all the pieces of her she isn’t too frightened to put in his hands, all while he holds everything about himself dangerously close. They’ll have to become something new.

And even if it terrifies him, when he’s kissing and touching Daisy, it all feels within reach. 

She cries out when he puts pressure on her clit, and he smirks against her mouth. Not to be outdone, she reaches down and whips off his belt. He keeps working her with one finger and then two, curling them just right so that he can feel her hands start to shake. She does get the zipper of his jeans down, though, and he might just see stars when she wraps her hand around him. 

“Daisy,” he breathes out.

She hums, pleased with herself, but it turns into a gasp when he hits the spots she needs most. She swipes her thumb over the head of him, and he curses. Then, it’s her turn to smirk. 

“Want to taste you,” she tells him, and he curses again, unable to stop the mental image of it from playing in his head.

Daisy, on her knees. 

Daisy touching him, stroking him with her tongue. 

Daisy fully his. 

And it’s knowing that he’s hers, too.

He pours every feeling the thoughts bring into making her feel good. As his pace quickens, so does her hand on him. They’re both moaning loudly, and he’s never been more thankful for an empty house. He knows they won’t get many chances to be as loud as they want, so he savors it.

“I’m going to—” she starts.

“I got you,” he says, and he means it in more ways than just one. 

Her hand grips him tighter, hard enough that he doesn’t know if he’d like it with almost anyone else. But he does with her. With Daisy, it feels like she’s unlocking parts of his desire that he doesn’t even truly understand himself. It’s a true testament to how much he wants to make her feel good that he doesn’t stop fucking her with his fingers. 

She comes first, his name on her lips and her hand still pumping his cock. 

He works her through it the best that he can but can’t give her as much attention as he normally would because he comes then, too.

Billy takes his hand out of her shorts and looks into her eyes as he puts his fingers into his mouth and sucks at the taste of her. Her bottom lip slides between her teeth. 

“You like knowing how much I need you, Daisy?” he asks, in a voice he almost doesn’t recognize. 

She nods and then juts out her chin. He watches her with hooded eyes as she takes two of her own fingers that are coated in him and presses them to her lips. He swallows thickly, and she grins but doesn’t give him what he wants immediately. To his surprise, he makes a needy noise in the back of his throat. It’s this that makes her finally lick at the taste of him on her fingers. 

As soon as she’s done, he slams his lips against hers. His tongue sweeps into her mouth and tangles with hers. His hands go to her waist and bring her down into his lap. 

He expects her to drown in him, too, and let him fuck her right then and there in their kitchen. But then she gives him one last kiss and stands (though he can’t help but notice on unsteady legs). 

“Gotta save something for later, baby,” she coos. 

He huffs, but she just ignores him. She grabs some paper towels for them both. At first, he wonders if he’s done something wrong, but then he notices she’s trying not to laugh. 

He rolls his eyes and works to get his jeans and belt closed. “You’re never going to get any easier, are you?”

She smirks. “Nope. Now, I’ve got to head to the studio with Teddy, so I’ll let you get to work.” He frowns, and she snorts. “You have a date to plan, remember?”

“Fine,” he allows. Then he stands and leans in close. “But just so you know, I fully intend to give you multiple orgasms tonight that leave you screaming my name.”

She raises her brows. “And what was the last half hour?”

He grins. “Think of it as just a preview of what’s to come.”

Her cheeks flame, and it’s his turn to laugh.

“No fair!” she exclaims when she realizes that while he’s serious, he’s also equally fucking with her. 

She’s almost pouting, and it takes everything in him not to cave and give her everything she wants right then. 

He shrugs. “Patience is a virtue, Dais.”

She huffs. “I hate you.”

Billy grins, and no matter how hard things get, he will never believe that’s true. “No, you don’t.”

Daisy’s been on plenty of dates before, but none of them have ever felt as important as her one with Billy. 

She isn’t sure if tonight counts as their first one or not. Part of her thinks that it can’t possibly be, but then she looks at the past and realizes that might not be true. The more she thinks about it, the more she knows that this is the first date that counts as a real one. 

It should scare her, but it doesn’t. It makes her all the more excited. Like she’s a little kid on Christmas Eve. 

She spends the day finishing her record with Teddy. She’ll play it for Billy soon. Maybe just the two of them. He’s getting credited as a producer on a few of the later songs. Something that she knows means more to both of them than they’re ready to talk about just yet. They will, though. Of that, she’s certain. 

There might not be many guarantees she can see for herself in this life, but since Christmas and Billy made his promise to her, she believes that Billy and her finding a way to be together is one of them. 

She doesn’t know where Billy’s taking her, but she suspects it won’t be anywhere too flashy. She might not be followed as much as she was during the AURORA tour, but there are still prying eyes (and cameras) more often than she’s used to. And even if she knows that Billy wouldn’t deny it if the news of them being together broke, she also knows that neither one is ready for it yet. They need time to figure out who they are together as these new versions of themselves. Most of all, they need to keep Maggie safe. 

One day, Maggie will be thrust into a certain amount of spotlight, there’s no avoiding it if Daisy wants to keep making music. But Daisy is positive that she and Billy will do everything in their power to protect her before and after that. The world’s a scary place, especially to have a kid she loves as much as she loves Maggie, but it feels less so with Billy by her side. 

Still, for over an hour, she agonizes over what to wear with Simone on the phone. 

“Daisy, I’m sure the one that you have on right now is great,” Simone tells her when Daisy’s on her fourth outfit. 

“Great isn’t perfect, though.”

She can practically hear Simone roll her eyes. “It’s Billy Dunne. Are we sure we really need to shoot for perfection here?”

Daisy shakes her head and fights off a smile. Normally, she would jump to defend him. But this time, she recognizes the small hint of fondness in Simone’s tone. As much as she might not be willing to admit it, she wants to believe in Billy, too. Even if it’s only for Daisy and Maggie’s sakes. It isn’t everything she hopes for the relationship between her best friend and the man she loves, but for now, she’ll take it. 

“I just…” She blows out a breath. “I might be putting too much pressure on my clothes to avoid putting it…Elsewhere.”

Simone snorts. “You don’t say?” Daisy makes a noise of protest, but she continues, “Come on, you know that I’m right. And you also know that you’re right. And you also know what you want to wear. Because let’s be honest with ourselves, you’ve known since the moment he asked you.”

Daisy thinks about arguing, but it won’t go anywhere. Not only because Simone might be even more stubborn than Billy, but she’s right. Daisy does know what she wants to wear. She knows what she wants . Period. She’s been trying to tell herself she isn’t afraid, and she isn’t sure it’s as simple feeling as that. But she needs to confront the fact that she might not be scared of Billy hurting her this time, but Daisy hurting herself. 

Blaming another person for your pain is simple. It’s always come easily to her. But to accept that she needs to work at making this—her and Billy—work, too? Well, it’s going to take longer to figure out than picking out this outfit. 

“What if I fuck it all up?” she asks.

Simone turns sympathetic but stays firm. “Then you do.”

Daisy rolls her eyes. “That’s cheery.”

She goes on, “I didn’t mean it like that, and we both know it. I meant that…Maybe you do fuck it up. Or he does. But that doesn’t mean you can’t repair it. Just because you might hurt each other this time doesn’t mean that it has to be as final as it was in Chicago. This is different. You’re different. And maybe I’m still not his number-one fan, but he’s committed to being different, too. That’s what matters.”

She takes a breath and allows for Simone’s words to settle into her mind and heart. She gives herself the chance to believe them. It’s decidedly not simple, but she finds it doesn’t take her quite as much effort as she expects. 

“Okay,” she swallows. “I think I’m ready.”

Simone sighs. “I know you are, but I’m a phone call away, remember that, okay? And just know that New York is here for you, too. If you ever need it.”

Daisy sniffs and fights off tears. “Thank you, and the same goes for you.”

Simone laughs. “Please. Bernie and I are drama-free. Especially compared to you and Billy.”

Daisy grins. “Uh-huh. Sure. That’s why Bernie called me up last week to complain that you absolutely did not need another disco ball in the club or in your loft, and if I didn’t stop you, then you were going to have the largest private collection in the country.”

“That traitor!” Simone bursts out.

Then they’re both laughing. Daisy’s never stopped being thankful that Simone forgave her and that she found a way to prove that she deserved her friendship again. Even though they’ve been separated by distance, she has never felt all that far away. And it is good to know that, against all odds and maybe logic, too, Simone does believe in Daisy and Billy. She knows it’s taken a lot for them all to get to this place and that there’s still so much ahead of them, but she decides that tonight, she’ll just be grateful for how far they’ve come.

When she comes downstairs, Billy takes in her outfit and laughs. 

“Oh, you really meant it when you said you weren’t going to get any easier,” he says. 

She shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

But she does, of course, and they both know it. 

She knew what she was doing when she went to Billy’s room and rummaged around in his clothes until she found a white button-up shirt. One she hasn’t seen him wear in a while but still smells like him. Unlike on the day they met, she’s wearing jean shorts underneath the shirt and a bra. But her earrings are the same ones she wore that day. Her hair is down and a little messy. At first, she thought it might be more than slightly crazy, but the look on his face makes her forget all her doubts.

He’s so…Happy. 

It makes her feel impossibly light. Like she’s floating.

“You’re making me feel underdressed. Should I go change into a denim shirt?” he teases her.

She rolls her eyes. “No one needs that.” He scoffs, and she waves a hand. “Besides, I’m wearing shorts and a bra this time. I think we’re allowed to make some updates.”

He frowns. “You didn’t on that day?”

She laughs. “You are so oblivious.”

But then he just smirks, and her jaw drops. “Seriously? You’re fucking with me on our first date?”

“Come on, Dais. I was never oblivious when it came to you. Not even when I wanted to be.” His voice gets softer. “Sorry if that’s too much, but I’m trying to…”

“No,” she rushes out, “it’s good.” She winces. “I mean, not good that you wanted to…” She finds the strength to push forward, “But it is good that you’re being honest with me.”

She’s telling the truth, too, and even if it hurts to hear how much Billy denied what he felt about her back then and how badly he wanted to, it would hurt more if he was still lying about it now. 

He nods and smiles softly. “Okay.” 

“It really is,” she assures him, and this time, he seems to believe it.

When they get in the car, it feels easier. Like she can breathe again without reminding herself of all the pain they caused each other all those years ago. She grins at him as he pulls out of the driveway and hopes that he feels the same way. 

They turn out of her neighborhood, and she’s excited once more.

“So, where are you taking me?” she asks.

He shakes his head. “Not telling you.”

She groans, and he becomes amused. “It’s more fun this way.”

Daisy huffs out, “Maybe for you.”

He laughs. “Trust me, okay? It’s better if it’s a surprise.”

She wants to keep protesting, but she figures it’s useless. She and Simone aren’t the only stubborn ones. And…There might be a part of her that believes Billy: that it is better for her not to know where their date will be. It feels romantic and sweet in a way they’ve never been before. It should feel awkward or weird, but it doesn’t. It feels like the most natural thing in the world. As if the two of them were just waiting for permission to be like this. 

The only thing she has regrets about is that they couldn’t find a way to get here sooner. They wasted so much time. But she can’t blame herself or him for that. Not when it won’t do any good or help them fix things or be good together. A real family. She tells herself she’ll find a way to confess the thought to Billy, though. If nothing else, then because she thinks he might offer some comfort, she can’t manage to grant to herself. 

She realizes where they’re going before they get there, but she keeps her mouth shut. Billy looks over at her, and she sees his eyes. He knows she knows, but he doesn’t say it. She isn’t sure why, but she suspects it might have to do with this newfound romantic side of him, which she didn’t believe she would ever be on the receiving end of. 

It’s one thing to know Billy has this in him. She’s known for years that he does. She saw him give it to Camila, after all. It’s a whole other feeling to be the one who he does this kind of thing for, to be the woman who he shows he loves. 

She tries not to be practically giddy with it, but she fails. 

They pull into the parking lot at Sound City as the sun’s setting. It’s beautiful in this light. She hasn’t seen it in a while, given that she’s always home with Maggie by now. 

For some reason, Teddy insisted they record at Westlake today. Said they couldn’t get around some other band who’d booked the place up. Now, she knows there was no other band. Really, she should’ve seen it coming, but she finds she doesn’t mind at all when Billy opens her car door for her. 

“How chivalrous,” she teases. 

He rolls his eyes but smiles when she takes his hand in hers as they walk into the building. 

Before they get past the lobby, Billy instructs her to close her eyes. She gives him an incredulous look, but he just raises his brows, and she knows she’s not going to get around his request. So, she does what he says and lets him lead her toward the room where they recorded AURORA . The two of them have been here together since, of course. But not alone. And certainly not on a date.

She feels a little jittery, but he seems to notice because he brushes his thumb gently over the back of her hand. 

“Is this okay?”

She doesn’t need time to think about her answer. “Yes. It’s just a lot.”

“I know,” he replies.

It’s all she needs, really, just to know that they’re feeling the same thing. To be reassured by him that he understands. Then he tells her she can open her eyes. 

Daisy doesn’t know what she was expecting, but she doesn’t think it’s what she sees before her. 

The lights have been dimmed, and the room is only lit by the various lamps in the rooms, all of which have shawls draped over them. Spread out on the floor is a picnic of…God, she can’t stop herself from laughing a little…Hickory burgers and fries that she suspects are from Apple Pan. There’s a record player next to the blanket. 

She does her best to fight off the tears that well in her eyes, but it’s no use.

Billy doesn’t understand why they’re there, though, and says, “This sucks, right? Because I can do better, I promise. It was a totally stupid idea, and I’m sorry and—”

She cuts him off by kissing him. She loops her arms around his neck, and he pulls her up so he can kiss her properly. When she pulls away, she’s smiling, and so is he. 

She sniffs and tells him, “This is the best date I’ve ever been on.”

“It hasn’t even started yet,” he reminds her.

She shakes her head. “Doesn’t matter. You’ve got all the rest beat.”

He looks happy, yes, but she detects there’s a hint of sadness, too.

“It’s okay,” she continues, “let’s just be happy for now, okay? Besides, our food’s probably getting cold, and you know how serious I am about my burgers.”

He laughs. “You’re right. I really do.”

They sit down on the blanket, and as much as she thinks she should try to have better manners, he knows her and probably doesn’t expect it. In fact, he might be a little freaked out if she didn’t immediately tear into her food. That doesn’t stop him from making a joke about it, of course. But that gives her the opportunity to tease him about how he eats his fries. Even though things are different, and this is all so new, it still feels like them .

When they’re done eating, they take turns and put on a few different songs. Most of his picks she knows, but a few are new to her. She likes finding out things about him that she didn’t know before and hopes he feels the same. Even now, there are still pieces to discover. It doesn’t feel daunting this time. It feels good. 

Then he puts on a very familiar song, and she lets out a shaky breath at everything the opening chords bring up. 

My mama told me
She said, son, please beware
There’s this thing called love
And it’s everywhere

He settles back down next to her and watches her for a while before he asks, “Do you remember this song?” 

She snorts. “Yes, I remember this song. We listened to it on that first day at Teddy’s.”

“And you said…” he trails off. “You said that I wrote songs about who I wish I was, not who I am.”

She nods. “And you asked me who would want to hear a song about that.”

He smiles, kind of sad, but mostly not, and goes on, “You told me that you would. That everyone would.”

The memory doesn’t hurt now. It feels good to remember. Because she knows there will be more memories to make. That, no matter what else happens, she and Billy will be in each other’s lives. 

Then Billy stands and offers her a hand. “Wanna dance?”

She thinks about denying him, but the way he’s looking at her…So open and earnest…She can’t resist.

But that doesn’t mean she’s going to let him completely off the hook. 

“You’re a cheesy man, Billy Dunne,” she says as he pulls her in close.

“Walk away, then.” His tone is light and teasing, but there’s something more underneath it. “Besides,” he adds, “given your choice of attire tonight, it looks like I’m not the only one.”

“I—” she begins, but she knows there’s no way she’ll be able to convince him. So, she gives up and softens. “You know I won’t.”

His hold on her waist tightens. “I didn’t, but I was hoping.”

Now I wouldn’t mind it now if I knew
She loved me too
But I hate to think that I’m in love alone
And there’s nothing I can do

He spins her a little, and she feels transported back to November 9th, 1975. Time has passed, sure, but their feelings haven’t. Their connection is as real as it was that day. And maybe they tried to fight it and pretend like it isn’t still there, but they won’t from here on out. 

When she comes back to him, she’s even closer than she was before. Billy isn’t the best dancer she’s ever been with, but he is her favorite. Because all those other times were fun, yes. Maybe on her wedding day with Nicky, she did feel safe and happy and whole. But this time, with Billy, it’s special. She isn’t sure she has the words for why. It just is. Like so much of their relationship. This time, though, she doesn’t want to change it for anything. 

It’s too late to turn back now
I believe, I believe, I believe I’m falling in love

The song ends, and just as the last note hits, Billy leans in and kisses Daisy softly.

It starts out innocent enough. Just a gentle brush of his lips against hers. She lets it go on like that as long as she can, but eventually, she grows impatient. When she nips at his bottom lip, he lets himself go, too. Their kiss turns heated and filled with a promise they don’t have to deny themselves anymore. Billy tangles his hands in her hair, and she hisses when he digs his nails into her scalp. 

Her hands go to the hem of his shirt. She breaks their kiss to watch him nod, and she lifts it over his head. Her fingers trace over his arms and chest and stomach, feeling the muscles there. She wants her mouth and hands on every inch of him. 

“I love you,” she whispers, looking up to meet his eye as she does. 

“I love you, too,” he responds. 

She smiles, a little breathless, and he kisses her again. One of his hands touches her breast through his shirt while the other squeezes her ass. She lets him touch her wherever he wants, however he wants. When she pulls away, he whines in the back of his throat, and she laughs. 

He huffs but goes to kiss her again. Before he can, though, Daisy sinks to her knees. Her hands go to Billy’s belt.

“Daisy,” he breathes out, stopping her. She looks up at him, and he licks his lips. “You don’t have to.”

She rolls her eyes. “I know.”

He’s still serious. “I mean it.”

“I want to,” she promises him.

Her tone must convince him because he nods and lets her continue. She gets his belt off and then his jeans and boxers. She grasps his cock in her hand, and he moans, but it’s nothing compared to the sound he makes when she takes him in her mouth. She hums around him, and he places a hand on the back of her head. His hand is firm, but he doesn’t put more pressure on her than she can handle. Like he knows just how much she needs.

She works him with her tongue, licking up the side of him. She knows she can be loud in bed, but now that they’re not on a ride in Disneyland, Billy lets himself be, too. Pleas of her name and god only knows what else. None of them make much sense, but somehow, they do to her. As if they’re speaking a language of want and need that only the other can understand. 

“Daisy,” he gets out, “if you don’t stop, I’m gonna—”

She pulls back long enough to ask, “And that’s a bad thing because…?”

“Because I want to feel you and come inside you. I want to make you feel good, too.”

As much as she wants Billy to come in her mouth, to taste him as she said earlier, she wants what he’s saying, too. 

So she backs away and spreads out on the floor, waiting for him to join her. She starts to unbutton her shirt while he kicks off his boots and jeans, but when he’s laid out on the blanket with her, he stops her hands. 

“Can I?” he asks, and if he wasn’t talking about getting her naked, it would sound sweet.

She nods and half expects him to rip it off her. She should know better. Because Billy takes off the shirt with painstaking restraint. At one point, she practically begs him to hurry up, but not even that works. As soon as he gets one of the buttons undone, he places his mouth on her newly exposed skin. Every touch electrifies her and makes her want him even more. 

When the cursed garment is finally off, Billy turns his attention to her shorts. Somehow, it feels like he’s even slower with them. She squirms under his touch, but when he looks up at her, she nods, encouraging him to keep going. He rids her of her shorts, and she has to fight against every last shred of her impatience to not do away with the rest of her remaining clothes herself. 

But she thinks Billy needs this for reasons she might not even know yet, and she can’t deny him it.

He kisses her, deep and hot, as he unclasps her bra. His hands rub circles into her breasts, and she moans at the feeling of his callouses on her skin. He ducks his head and takes one of her nipples between his teeth, giving her just a hint of pain that goes right to her building heat. 

“Like that?” he asks her as he does the same to her other breast.

“Yes,” she breathes out. “I like everything you do to me.”

“Fuck,” he lets out as his hands trace over her stomach and thighs. “I’ve dreamed of this, baby.”

She moans and can’t stop herself from needing to make sure. “Really?”

He hums against her hip as he helps her out of the last bit of fabric separating him from where she needs him most. “So many times. For years.” She sucks in a breath, and it must make him brave because he adds, “Especially the ones we were apart.”

“Me, too,” she responds, hurried, not to be outdone. “I’ve touched myself so many times, wishing it was you.”

He curses again, but it’s drowned out by her own when he teases her with one of his fingers.

“Billy,” she lets out. “Please.”

He nips at her inner thigh. “Please, what, baby? You’ve got to tell me.”

“I want you to taste me,” she gets out, “I want your mouth on me. Your fingers, too.”

“You want all that, huh?” he asks. “You promise you’ll let me hear you, then? Because I want to hear how good I make you feel. Have to know what you need. Can you do that for me, Dais?”

“Yes,” she pants out, and she means it. 

She’ll let him hear every gasp and moan and needy sound she normally tries to hide. She’ll give him everything. Because she isn’t afraid to, and if he needs to hear her, then she needs that, too. 

He doesn’t make her wait much longer after that. Of course, he still doesn’t give her everything. Not right away. Billy takes his time getting to know her sounds. And even if it does drive her crazy, it’s also everything she’s craving. She doesn’t usually like being denied what she wants, but with him, it’s different. It makes it feel all the more intense.

And it makes it feel even better when he does slide a finger inside her, curling it right where she needs it. 

She almost screams then, but she doesn’t try to hide it. 

“You’re soaked, fuck,” he says.

“For you, Billy,” she tells him. “It’s just for you.”

He rewards her by giving her another finger. He pumps them in and out, giving her so much and then taking it away. It’s sweet torture. 

“Are you ready for my mouth?” he asks.

“Please, God, yes,” she gets out before he even finishes the question.

He huffs out a laugh but moans at the first taste of her. Her hips buck up, but he lays an arm across them as he continues to work her. If his fingers feel good, it’s nothing compared to his mouth. He licks and sucks, bringing her to the edge, only to back away. Her whole body is taut and loose at once. 

He pulls away, only a little, just to tell her, “You’re so good, baby. So wet and perfect for me. Just like I imagined.” 

She cries out so loud that she thinks if there are people in the parking lot, they’ll hear it. 

Daisy feels herself getting close, and he must, too, because he adds a finger. It’s all so much at the same time. It should be overwhelming. But she just wants more. He loosens his hold on her hips and lets her roll her hips against his face. His moan sends shockwaves through her. He presses his thumb against her clit, giving her the sweetest pressure she’s ever known. She comes with his name and God and every other nonsensical thing spilling out of her lips. 

He helps her through it, coaxing her down from her high. She knows she’s never been this well taken care of. Not ever. But she is so happy Billy’s the one to give this to her.

He kisses up her body, and by the time he reaches her mouth, she’s ready for him again. Her legs fall open once more, and he settles in between them. This moment, and this place, feels holy. She isn’t one for conventional prayer anymore, but she thinks she wouldn’t mind it if sex with Billy felt an awful lot like it. 

He turns sheepish, and she doesn’t understand until he says, “I brought a condom, but I—”

She shakes her head. “I’m on the pill. I want to feel you. I want…Everything.”

It’s a lot for her to admit, but he doesn’t waver. He takes it all in and shows her how much he loves her for it in the look he gives her. He kisses her deeply and lines himself up to her entrance. They both moan as he sinks into her. 

They trade messy kisses and moans of pleasure as his thrusts deepen. He pulls out and then gives her everything once more. It’s so much . But she knows neither one of them would trade it for anything. He kisses her throat, and she digs her nails into his shoulders, feeling the ghost of the same touch from earlier in the day. He whispers her name into her ear, a sacred thing that’s just for the two of them. 

“I’m only going to love you, baby,” he tells her in between open-mouthed touches on her skin.

It means so much to her, but she knows it’s the same for him. That it requires him to be truthful to her about so many things he never could before. He can’t take away the regrets or pain or loneliness, but she knows he wants to try anyway. 

Billy wants her to know just how much he loves her, and that eclipses all the hurt from their pasts. 

He lifts her leg higher, and she curls it around him, making the fit even deeper. She feels herself getting close and somehow knows he isn’t far behind her. She presses him closer with her leg, and he looks down at her as they both speed toward their release. With anyone else, she wouldn’t dream of keeping her eyes open, but with Billy, she does. 

He kisses her, and she buries a hand in his curls as he presses his thumb against her clit. She moans against his mouth, and he smirks. It only lasts a moment, though, because she rolls her hips, and he hits her most sensitive spot. They’re both a mess after that. He still manages to make her come first, but she won’t let him deny himself much longer. She repeats the movement from earlier, and he tucks his head into the crook of her neck as he comes inside her. 

After, they’re still on the floor, but Billy’s spread the blanket over the two of them.

He looks down at her and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

She smiles and feels the meaning behind it, even as it goes unspoken. She leans up and kisses him. This time, it’s chaste and stays soft. He presses his forehead against hers, and she breathes through all the different emotions coursing through her.

For a long time, Daisy believed that this would never happen for the two of them. Then she spent even longer apart from him. In so many ways. And then, when he came back to her, she still wasn’t sure. 

Now she is, though. She is sure about herself and him and everything they’re building. There are no life-long promises they can make. Except one: to love each other no matter what. 

And that’s the only one she needs. 

Chapter Text

As Maggie’s birthday approaches, it brings a bit more chaos to Billy’s life than he’s used to, but at this point, it shouldn’t come as a surprise. And, honestly, he isn’t sure he’d change his messy life, even if he could. After all, he doesn’t want to think about what his world would be like if Maggie had never come into it. And if he and Daisy had never found their way back to one another, too. 

Just the thought of that is enough to make him grateful for the insanity that comes with planning his daughter’s party with help from Daisy and everyone else (whether he asks for it or not). 

He was around for Maggie’s birthday last year, but that one seems to have been a lighter occasion. Probably because of all the other changes that were happening in their lives at the same time. Of course, no one warned him then about what was coming for him this year.

For Maggie’s sixth birthday, everyone is back in full force. This means he gets roped into a lot of pink and green (Maggie’s current favorite colors), elephants (her favorite animal), and glitter. So, so much glitter. 

There’s a lot to get done, and apparently, he doesn’t have the faintest idea how to do almost any of it right.

“Have you ordered the pinãta yet?” Eddie asks while they’re decorating pink and green elephant cutouts with glitter. 

Billy frowns. “Should I have?”

Eddie looks at Warren, who sighs. 

“I guess that’s a yes,” Billy answers for them. “I figured I would just get one from the store the day before, like last year.”

Karen snorts from where she’s drinking a beer on the couch and “overseeing’ their work. 

Across the room, Lisa’s making a “Happy Birthday Maggie” garland, and she warns, “Don’t let Daisy hear you say that. Or repeat it for Eddie’s sake, either.”

Billy frowns and looks at Eddie, who just shakes his head slowly. 

He turns back to Lisa and asks, “What’s the big deal about this birthday anyway? She’s turning six. Last I heard, it wasn’t exactly a big one.”

Warren sets down his scissors, and that’s when Billy knows he means business. “Daisy’s always gone all out for Maggie. Even her first birthday. And now…Well, I think it’s more of a habit for all of us and something we can do together without a fight threatening to break out.”

Karen makes a face and shudders. “Especially in the first couple of years. I seriously think Daisy put us to work for Maggie’s parties just so we wouldn’t end up using the scissors and glue on each other.” She adds, “Of course, we did still threaten to walk away or cause bodily harm.” She nods to Warren and Eddie. “Particularly these two.”

Eddie protests, “We were not the worst. If anything,” he gestures between Warren and Karen, “it was you two.”

Warren snorts. “Come on, even I know that’s not true.” He looks at Karen. “You were always more of a flight risk than really wanting to get into a fight.” He turns back to Eddie. “Can you really try to pretend that we didn’t almost have an actual brawl at Maggie’s second birthday?”

Eddie makes a face, and Billy knows that Warren’s telling the truth.

In the end, Eddie admits defeat, “Well, I guess I have to say that if it wasn’t for Maggie, I doubt we would still all be in contact like this. I probably wouldn’t even remember any of your names.”

Lisa adds, “Certainly.” She looks at Billy and smiles warmly. “But I’m thankful we are. That all of us are, for good.”

It gives Billy a helpful boost of confidence, which he doesn’t know he needs until she says it. 

As much as he is grateful to everyone for getting past their mutual pain and anger for Maggie and Daisy’s sake, he can’t help but question his place in their lives still. Not Maggie or Daisy’s, of course. Now that he and Daisy are together for real, he doesn’t have to live with the worries that she’ll leave him one day and he’ll lose her and Maggie. 

But his place in everyone else’s world is less secure. He fucked up a lot back then, and he wouldn’t blame them for still being pissed at him. He’s starting to open himself up to the idea that maybe they aren’t and that there might be a way he can fit back in with these people who he once counted as his family. 

Even when they work the whole day on decorations and planning the party, Billy worries things will be a disaster. It makes him commit himself to the party in a way that might be a tad bit frightening. Eventually, Warren tries to tell him that maybe he should cool it a little. 

When he goes to Daisy about his worries while they’re getting ready for bed, she just laughs at him. “Billy, she is only six. It’ll be okay if things aren’t perfect. I know how much you’ve done for her, and believe me, I’m grateful. I don’t know how I would’ve done it without you all with the mixing for my album finishing this week. But maybe Warren’s just a little bit right.”

He looks at her, appalled, and her amusement only grows. “I thought we were in this together!”

She gives him a skeptical look. “Believe me, we are.” She jokes, “But I also don’t want you to lose sleep or your sanity over our kid’s birthday party.”

He wants to protest it further, but he knows she’s right. “I get it, but it’s just…” He winces at the truth but chooses to push forward, “I guess I didn’t realize how much I wanted it to be perfect until I thought it might not be.”

At that, her expression softens. She walks over to him and takes his hand in hers. “You aren’t treating this party like some kind of test to prove your worth as a dad to me and Maggie and maybe the whole world, right?”

Leave it to her to force him to acknowledge it for the first time. “I…” he starts and then gives up. “I might be. But I really do want Maggie to have an amazing day, and actually, I’m getting pretty good with a bedazzler.”

She shakes her head, and he watches her bite her cheek to stop herself from laughing. It doesn’t quite work, but he can’t blame her for it. He can’t believe what he’s said, either.

But when she replies, she’s serious. “You have absolutely nothing to prove. I know you’re a good dad, and Maggie loves you. She’s obsessed with you, actually, in case you haven’t noticed. There is no one else in this world I would want to be raising her with. There is no one I trust more or who I think would love our daughter in the way that we do.”

He swallows and tries to joke, “Well, considering your alternative is Nicky, I’m not sure how high of a compliment that is.”

She won’t allow him to dismiss her words so easily. “I mean it. And maybe you need time to believe it, but I promise, I won’t stop reminding you.”

It means more to him than he thinks he can ever say out loud, but somehow, she figures that out. Probably because she’s Daisy and he’s Billy, and that’s just how they work. There have been times he’s hated it and others where he yearned for more. Right now, tonight, he knows he doesn’t feel either. Instead, he’s exactly where he should be and knows that she’s where she wants to be. That’s what matters most. He doesn’t have to hide from what he feels for her or wish he could go back and do things differently. His life is good, and for the first time in years, he’s learning how to embrace it.

Billy’s face must reveal something important because Daisy grins. “Glad that’s sorted.” Then she reaches up and kisses him. “Now, come to bed and fuck me.”

He laughs, startled by her, and yet, he isn’t at all. “Is that what you need?”

She rolls her eyes. “You know it is.”

He toys with her. “I don’t know…You’ll need to prove it.” 

She responds by forcefully pulling him toward her and kissing him again. 

She reaches up so she can line herself up to kiss him better. With her body flush against him, his mind is cleared of every other thought besides his need to be close to her. He kisses her back, deep and endless. His tongue sweeps into her mouth as she backs him toward their bed. 

After their first date at Sound City, he hasn’t slept in the guestroom. It hasn’t taken long for him to start to think of Daisy’s room as theirs. In fact, it extends to the entire house. Before their talk on Christmas Eve, it would send him spinning out and leave him questioning everything. Not now, though. Because he doesn’t wish for anything different. He’s right where he needs to be. 

One of her hands goes to his shirt, digging into the fabric while the other tangles itself in his hair. He moans and feels her smirk against his lips. Not to let her win so easily, he squeezes her ass and nips at her bottom lip. When they break for air, she’s breathless. 

“Have I proven myself yet?” she asks, her voice still revealing the impact he has on her.

He wants to drown in the sound of it. 

Billy nods. “For now.”

She huffs, but he doesn’t hesitate to cut it off by kissing her again. He strokes her cheek with his thumb, and she melts into the touch. She pulls at his shirt, and her impatience would be endearing if he weren’t just as desperate to rid themselves of their clothes. He lets her help him out of his shirt and tosses it on the ground. His mouth goes to her throat as he unbuttons her blouse. She lets out breathy noises of pleasure as he gets her bra off, too, and traces circles into her breasts. 

His hands drift down, touching her everywhere he can reach. All the places he’s learned she likes best in the past few months. He’s still learning new ones and wonders if it’ll ever be enough. He doubts it, but he doesn’t think Daisy minds. That she might feel the same way about him. The thought makes him feel less lonely, and he’ll never stop being grateful for it. For what she gives to him so willingly. 

When he lifts her up, she locks her legs around his waist and kisses him hungrily. He lets her roll her hips against his the best she can before he lays her out on the bed. She doesn’t let him go far, and he feels her need growing as well as his own. 

They pause so they can both kick out of their jeans. Once they’re almost fully naked, Billy doesn’t waste time before kissing down Daisy’s body. He looks up at her as his hands brush over her hips and thighs. 

“What do you need, baby?” 

His voice is soft but still teasing. He already knows the answer, but he needs to hear her say it. He wants her pretty little mouth to ask him to do dirty things to her. It might be fucked up, but he doesn’t care right now. He just needs her. And…He believes she doesn’t mind if it’s a little fucked up, either. That she needs him, too. 

He removes her lacy panties, and her breath hitches. 

“Billy,” she swallows, and he watches it go down her throat, “please.”

He kisses her inner thigh. He hums against her skin, and she moans. 

“Need you to say it,” he murmurs, keeping his voice low. 

Both because their daughter is sleeping down the hall and because he knows Daisy loves it. 

“I want your mouth on me. I want you to taste me. I want…” She gasps when he kisses her outermost folds, inches away from her heat. “I want you to take me .”

“That’s all I want, too,” he confesses. “I want to make you come all night long.”

She opens her legs for him even more. He knows she’s aching for him. And now that she’s told him what she needs, he doesn’t need more encouragement. 

At his first taste of her, she stops herself from crying out by placing her hand over her mouth. Their eyes meet as he lays his tongue flat against her wet cunt, and his cock hardens more than he thought possible.

Her hips lift up, and he lays an arm across them to keep her still. He takes his time, leaving her pleading for more. He keeps tempting her, feeling her getting close to her release. His hands rub across her thighs. She’s so open for him, so giving. It makes him want her so badly he ruts against the bed. But before he chases his own need, he intends to give her everything she wants and more. 

He tastes and sucks at her clit, and she comes with her hands fisted in their sheets. He helps her through it, giving her every bit of attention and care she deserves. He thinks about crawling up her body then. He needs her completely, but he also wants to show her how much she means to him. And maybe he’s still struggling to put those feelings into words and hard truths, but he can use his actions, too. 

“Billy,” she moans as he starts to work her again. “Come here.”

He nips at her hip bone but doesn’t do as she says. 

“Need you to come again for me first,” he manages to get out. 

He uses just a hint of teeth against her clit after he does, and her breathing turns erratic. The sound sends shockwaves through his system, but he still won’t give in. Instead, he takes a finger and starts to work her with it. He stops using his mouth so he can watch the effect it has on her. One of her hands is still holding onto the sheets, but the other is touching her breasts. He curses at it, and she smirks. 

“You like seeing me touch myself?” she asks.

He finds himself admitting to it without his permission. “ Yes .”

She lets out a breathy laugh, and he can’t bring himself to regret saying it out loud. 

She looks down at him. “Do you want to watch me make myself come?”

He curses himself for it, but he answers, “So much.” He regains control enough to continue, “I bet you’d look so pretty with your hand in between your legs. I bet you tease yourself until you’re a mess. I want to see you come all over your sweet fingers.”

She moans, and he curls his finger inside her. He hits the right spot, and she stutters his name. She’s so good for him, and he tells her so. 

“You’ll show me,” he promises, “you’ll let me see how good you can make yourself feel.” He kisses her hip. “But not tonight.”

She gasps as he licks at her heat once more, and it’s just about the best noise he’s ever heard. He gives her so much, but she takes all of it without hesitation. With anyone else, it might be too much. With Daisy, though, he isn’t sure there will ever be a limit. For either one of them. 

They both know that they need to be quiet. But when Daisy’s lip slides between her teeth as she watches him, he sees her flush at the sight. It takes all his strength not to beg her to let him hear her scream.

He gives her another finger, and she throws her head back. He hums against her and feels her getting close. He doesn’t tease her now. Instead, he lets her have everything. Every piece of him is reserved just for her. He hopes one day he’ll be able to tell her how much, but right now, he settles for making her gasp and moan and say his name like it’s a prayer. 

She comes with a hand tangled in his hair and her hips rolling against him. He helps her come down from it, giving her more time to settle back into herself than he did after her first orgasm. He whispers sweet nothings against her skin and doesn’t stop until her breathing is under control. 

“Come and kiss me,” she practically begs, and he can’t resist her then. 

He gives her open-mouthed kisses as he makes his way up her body. Each one brings a different soft sound of pleasure from her lips. When he’s close enough to kiss, she pulls him roughly against her and slides her mouth against his. It’s messy and languid but no less loving. For a while, they’re content to just kiss. He can even almost forget how desperate he is for her. 

Daisy doesn’t, of course. She rolls her hips, and they both moan. 

Without him needing to ask, she tells him, “I’m ready.”

He nods, still kissing her, and her hands go to his boxers. He helps her get them off. When her hand wraps around his cock, he moans louder than he should. Daisy grins and kisses him.

“Need you to be quiet for me, Billy,” she says. “Can you manage that?”

He answers by sinking his teeth into the skin right below her collarbone.

“Fuck,” she lets out. “You shouldn’t be able to make me feel like this.”

He disagrees. “Yes, I should. You deserve everything, Dais.”

Billy looks down at Daisy and isn’t sure what he sees in her expression. His words have unlocked some hidden thing in her, one that he doesn’t know everything about yet. He kisses her softly, letting her know that it’s okay. That he understands. And that he’ll be here whenever she’s ready to talk about it. 

She sits up, and for a second, he worries he’s done something wrong, but it doesn’t last long. She kisses him to reassure him and then turns around so she’s on her hands and knees. He swallows at the sight of her. Everything she’s able to do to him doesn’t feel real, even now. 

He smooths a hand across her back and then her ass. 

“I need you,” she gets out. “Please.”

And he can’t deny her when she asks so nicely. He lines himself up against her and then thrusts inside. He gives her a moment to adjust, but when she whines out his name, he thrusts all the way to the hilt. 

They both curse then, barely managing to stay quiet. Somehow, they do. If anything, it only makes him need her more. And think about going back to Sound City alone so he can hear every piece of herself she’s holding back. More than that, he wants her to hear him. For her to know the impact she has on him, too. 

He takes her hips in his hands and pulls out almost all the way before giving her all of him once more. 

His voice is like honey when he says, “You’re so good. So perfect for me, baby.”

“It’s all I ever wanted to be,” she confesses.

It makes him brave enough to go on, “I just want to be good for you, too. I want to show you how in love with you I am.”

She cries out his name as he gives her a rough thrust. Then he takes her and brings her closer. She trusts him completely, and it means more to him than he thinks he’ll ever be able to say. But she deserves for him to try anyway. 

He guides her hips until she’s in his lap, her back pressed against his chest. The fit is so much deeper, and she lets out intoxicating, breathy moans. He rubs his hands over her breasts, knowing she loves the feeling of them on her body. He pinches her nipple as he thrusts into her. This time, she uses his hand over her mouth to stop her from crying out. It might just be one of the sexiest things he’s ever seen. 

Billy kisses Daisy’s neck, careful not to leave a mark. Their friends know they’re together (he knew from the start he wouldn’t be able to hide it from them), but they haven’t told Maggie just yet. He wonders what exactly they’re waiting for, but he knows that when it’s right, they’ll tell her. Before, the thought would scare him, but now, with Daisy in his arms, he doesn’t doubt that it will work out. 

He feels her release building and knows his own is, too. He goes slow, giving her everything at a steady pace. He doesn’t want to rush this. She reaches out to him and finds his lips with her own. Their kiss turns heated, and he reaches down so he can press a thumb to her clit. She clings onto him as she comes. He wants to give her a minute, but she doesn’t let up. She rolls her hips back toward him, and he comes with his head tucked into her neck. 

He helps her out of his lap and almost collapses onto the bed beside her. She kisses him and settles against his side. Her fingers trace patterns onto his chest, and he presses his mouth to the top of her head. 

Daisy looks up at him and smiles, and Billy realizes that he’s feeling something that feels an awful lot like peace. 

Unexpectedly, Simone and Bernie are able to fly in the day before Maggie’s party to celebrate, and of course, Daisy and Maggie are elated.

Billy knows he hasn’t quite won Simone over, but he’s determined to do so. Simone means more to Daisy than he thinks he’ll ever quite understand. There’s so much shared history and love between the two of them. And…Simone was there for Daisy when he wasn’t. When he couldn’t be. As much as he knows Simone dislikes him, and he isn’t sure he’s a huge fan of hers, either, he will always be grateful for her being the friend Daisy needs. 

At the last minute, Graham and his mom are able to come to the party as well. Jeanie has to stay home in Hazelwood with Josh, but she promises she’ll visit as soon as possible so Maggie and Julia can meet their new cousin. Billy finds he only has to fight the urge to tell Graham and his mom not to fly in about fifty percent of the time during their phone call. It isn’t everything, but for now, it’s enough, and he thinks his mom and Graham understand. At least they don’t demand more from him. Rather, they seem ecstatic at the progress he has made.

Nicky’s invited, and Billy finds that it’s easier not to be a complete dick to him now that he and Daisy are together. He talks about it with Daisy, and in the end, he decides to invite Camila, too. To his surprise, she agrees and promises Julia will be there, too. 

Billy isn’t exactly proud of it, but on the day of the party, he kind of expects things to go to hell. In some ways, they do. Just not necessarily in a bad way.

Simone, to no one’s surprise, is an expert in getting shit in order for Maggie. 

Bernie and Karen immediately take to one another, and the rest of the band are equally thankful for Simone’s help. It feels like Bernie and Simone have always belonged in their family. Simone and Billy even get along, to his surprise. Of course, there’s still some leftover tension. But he hopes even that will ease up with time. 

When he wakes up on the day of the party, Daisy stretches and yawns beside him. He doesn’t even try to fight the stupid smile on his face. Then she starts counting down on her fingers from ten. Billy’s confused at first, but by the time she gets to five, he gets it. 

When she reaches four, Billy hears Maggie’s little feet bounding down the hallway. 

He shakes his head but is still smiling. 

As Daisy gets to one, Maggie bursts into their room and jumps up into their bed. 

She’s already giggling and starts jumping up and down. “Mommy and Daddy, get up, get up! It’s my birthday!”

Billy laughs. “Is that so? Because I could’ve sworn it was a week from now.”

Maggie shakes her head. “Noooooo! It’s today!”

“Oh, alrighty, then.” Billy sits up and gets out of bed. “What does the birthday girl want for breakfast?”

Maggie makes her way over to him from her spot on the bed and flings herself into his arms. It sort of hurts, and he just barely catches her, but he doesn’t expect anything else from his and Daisy’s daughter. Besides, he knows from watching Jules grow up that all too soon, she’ll think of herself as being too old for this kind of thing. He wants to savor it for now. 

“Waffles,” Maggie decides. “With whipped cream! And bacon!”

Daisy grins at him from where she’s still lounging in bed. “You heard the lady.”

He gives her an incredulous look, but she just smiles wider and shows no sign of getting up. He shakes his head, knowing she has him beat. Besides, she isn’t about to start cooking their breakfast after all this time. Even Simone baked Maggie’s birthday cake. 

Billy carries Maggie toward the stairs and sets her down so she can make her way down them on her own. She’s two years older than she was when he first met her, and the thought does bring a sort of sadness to his heart. But he can’t blame himself or even Daisy for the past. It won’t fix anything or undo the missed years. All he can do is focus on the present and future.

Once they’re in the living room, Maggie grabs his hand and pulls him toward the kitchen with all her might. 

“Come onnnn, Daddy! I’m starving.”

He laughs again but follows her without a fight. 

While he makes breakfast, Maggie puts on the radio and dances along to the music. He can’t help but wonder if she’ll take it up. Julia hasn’t shown any interest in it, but he doesn’t blame her. She should be allowed to be her own person. And because of everything that happened during AURORA and after, he wouldn’t force a guitar on her. Hell, he could barely bear to listen to music at all during those five years after Chicago. 

Before he can go too far down that road, Daisy comes down, and they eat together. 

“Mommy, is Simone coming over again today?” Maggie asks. 

Daisy nods. “Yep. Everyone is. Your friends from school and our family, too.”

Maggie brightens. “Even Teddy?”

Daisy grins. “Of course, silly. I hear he’s even gotten you an epic present.”

Maggie shows off all of her teeth with her smile.

Sometimes, it surprises Billy just how much everyone’s lives changed after Chicago, although it probably shouldn’t. Still, the fact that Teddy Price is a given attendee at a six-year-old’s birthday party might be the most surprising thing of all. He can’t help but be thankful for it. Because…Well, he’s imagined losing Teddy many different times over the years, but now he thinks maybe with everyone’s help, he might not have to for a while longer yet. 

Billy cleans up while Daisy and Maggie get ready for the party. The rest of his former bandmates, as well as his mom and Graham, start arriving soon after. He helps instruct where to hang decorations and set up games for the kids. He can’t help but notice Simone (and everyone else) are kind of laughing at him as he does it. 

“So much for not understanding this whole birthday thing, huh?” Karen asks. 

He rolls his eyes, but Simone adds, “Oh, come on. You have to admit. You’re an interesting man, Billy. Half-rocktar. Half-Mr. Mom.”

He gives her an unimpressed look, but it only makes her laugh more. 

But their interaction doesn’t feel as heavy as before, and he knows that it’s due to both of them trying for Daisy and Maggie’s sake.

When Maggie comes down the stairs with Daisy, he isn’t surprised to see her wearing a green tutu and a sparkly tiara. 

What does catch him off guard is that Daisy is also wearing a tiara and pink feather boa. 

Maggie rushes to Simone, who scoops her up and shows her around the house. Then she takes her out to the backyard. Everyone except Billy and Daisy follow, eager to see Maggie’s reaction to all of their hard work. 

He hangs back with Daisy for a moment. “You look very pretty, Daisy. Like a princess.”

She rolls her eyes. “The things I do for love.”

He snorts, and she grins. 

“I…” she starts but doesn’t finish. 

“What is it?” he asks. 

“Do you want to tell her today?” Daisy goes on, “About us, I mean.” She searches his expression for his answer before he can give her one.

He kisses her, just briefly and nods. “Yeah, let’s tell her.”

Daisy looks relieved, so he kisses her again. This one lasts longer and only stops when Warren comes to find them. He rolls his eyes, but Billy and Daisy both grin. Then he takes her hand in his and goes outside to be with his family. 

Daisy doesn’t know what to expect when Camila asks her if they can talk about twenty minutes before they’re supposed to sing Happy Birthday and cut the cake. She hesitates at first, but then she figures she should hear what she has to say. After all, Julia will always be a part of Billy’s life, and that means Camila will be, too. 

There might not ever be a right time for Daisy and Camila to mend the shaky bridge that was their relationship, but she figures now will have to do. 

At least the party’s been going well. Even with Camila and Nicky here. Their presence might make things a little more complicated, but it’s not as awful as she thinks it would be in the years past. Daisy feels secure in her love for Billy and his for her. She knows that even if today did go to hell, their relationship wouldn’t shatter over it. They’re stronger—both together and apart—than they ever were back in the seventies.

This time, they can help each other, themselves, and, most importantly, Maggie, find joy and safety at the same time. 

That doesn’t mean the idea of talking to Camila puts her completely at ease.  

They go into the kitchen for some privacy. She feels Billy’s eyes on them from where he’s playing in a bounce house with Maggie, Julia, Warren, Eddie, and Graham. She turns and gives him the smallest nod she can manage. He might want to protect her, but she can face this on her own.

Even if she has no idea what this is. 

“Thank you,” Camila starts, “for speaking with me. I know it’s…Well.” 

Daisy fights off the urge to get defensive, knowing that if she were the one asking for them to talk, she’d probably be just as awkward. Maybe worse. At least Camila seems to know what she’s trying to say. Daisy isn’t sure she’d ever get that far. Which is probably why they’ve barely spoken since Billy moved in with her and Maggie. 

“I know,” Daisy replies when she realizes Camila’s waiting for her. “But I’m not sure if this is—”

“I think I always knew this was going to happen,” Camila interrupts, and it effectively stuns Daisy. She sighs and continues, “Maybe not in the way it did. God knows I could’ve made things…Simpler. For Julia and Maggie. But I think that even when you first told me you were pregnant, I knew that I was going to lose him to you.”

There’s a touch of bitterness to her tone, but Daisy can’t fault her for it. Not when she knows her actions hurt her, too. And Julia. She hurt Camila’s family as much as she tried not to. So, even if Camila hurt Daisy’s family, too, it doesn’t cancel everything out. That isn’t the way pain or heartbreak works. There isn’t a scoreboard. There isn’t a winner or loser. There’s just the reality of a messy life.

“I’m sorry it all happened like it did, for the record,” Daisy says. “That probably doesn’t mean much, but I do mean it.”

Camila swallows, and for a second, Daisy thinks this is all going to get much harder. But then she smiles a little sadly and tells her, “I believe you. And…It might not do much, but it does mean something to me. It means something to Julia, too.” She shakes her head. “She loves you. She always has.”

Daisy insists, “I do love her, but I’m not her mother, and I will never even try to take her from you.” She adds, “Not that I ever could but…I hope you know what I mean.”

Camila nods. “I do.”

Daisy lets out a breath. “I wish things could be easier for both of us and our daughters. I wish…” 

“I understand,” Camila finishes, and even though Daisy isn’t sure she does, it is good to hear. 

She and Camila will never be friends, exactly. They’ll never be someone they can both rely on to share hard truths and painful memories with. But for the first time since Daisy ever met her, she wonders if she and Camila could at least be…Something. Maybe not even something that either one of them understands, but she isn’t sure they need that. They just need their daughters to be happy. They do share that in common, and even if there are hard times or fights, Daisy is positive that fact will never change. 

“I really do hope you’re happy, Daisy,” she says. She winces. “The way I said that…It sounded awful, even to me. But I’m being honest. You two…You’re good together. Now.”

Daisy can’t help but want to refute the caveat she adds at the end, but she decides to let it go. Camila is still herself, after all. And Daisy is herself, too. No good is going to come from them demanding the other be something they aren’t. They tried that, and it ended with everything blowing up. 

If they’re going to give their daughters and families the future they want, then they’ll need to meet each other where they can. Camila might not be the family that Daisy chose, but it doesn’t matter. She knows that either they can be stuck in turmoil with one another, or they can find a way to make it work.

Maybe another version of Daisy would’ve picked the first, but these days, she just wants peace, and that includes Camila. 

“Thank you,” Daisy responds. “And I am. We are.” She swallows. “And I hope you know what I mean, but I hope you can find someone who makes you happy, too.”

Camila nods. “I do. And thank you.”

Daisy smiles a little and finds that she is able to joke despite everything. “Well, I don’t know about you, but I definitely could use some cake now.”

Camila lets out a watery laugh, and Daisy realizes that she doesn’t know this woman, not well, at least, but she does wish for her to find her happiness. 

Billy comes into the kitchen and coughs. “Uh, not to…But, well, I think a mutiny might break out if we don’t bring that cake out soon.”

Camila and Daisy both laugh. 

Billy adds, “And I don’t mean from the kids. Seriously, I didn’t think Warren could be mean , but alas.”

Daisy snorts and shakes her head.

Camila looks at Billy and tells him, “I’ll see if I can get them to hold off for two more minutes.”

When she’s back outside, Billy asks Daisy, “What did she want?”

Daisy huffs. “It was nothing nefarious.”

Billy doesn’t let up, though. “Seriously, what did you two talk about?”

She considers telling him the truth. Honestly, she does. But the temptation to fuck with him is too great. 

“She asked if we wanted to have a threesome with her,” Daisy states plainly. 

Billy coughs on nothing and stutters. He’s so appalled that she needs to bite her cheek to stop herself from laughing. 

“ What ?!” he demands.

His face keeps getting better, and she can’t hold it in anymore. It only takes him a moment to figure out what she’s done to him. He shakes his head, looking positively petulant. The only solution is for her to kiss the frown off of his face.

“Sorry,” she says as she pulls away. “But I couldn’t resist.”

He rolls his eyes, but when she kisses him again, he’s much more agreeable. 

“You’re not going to tell me what you two talked about, right?” he asks.

She shakes her head and grins. “God, you’re so nosy.”

“I—”

“I’ll tell you,” she gives in, “but later, okay? Because Warren and ten six-year-olds will storm our house if we don’t bring that cake out now.”

He’s satisfied with that response, and even if the idea of telling him what Camila said to her is a little daunting, she knows they’ll get through it. He’s learning to let her in, and she’s learning how not to ask for too much too soon. They’re finding a way through the hurt and doubts, and she doesn’t care how long it takes, just as long as the two of them are together.

She and Billy bring out the cake with a big number six candle in it, surrounded by six pink and green candles. It’s red velvet, Maggie’s favorite. Simone promised everyone that her singing and dancing skills were rivaled only by her baking. Plus, Daisy did get to taste a batch of test cupcakes with the recipe, and she’s thinking about asking Simone if she’ll move in permanently. 

Maggie still has her tiara on and is grinning as they all sing Happy Birthday to her. She’s so happy that Daisy wonders how she can make today last forever. She wants her and Billy’s daughter to always feel this way. Even if she knows that’s impossible. But she also knows that the two of them, and the rest of their family, too, will help keep that smile on her face for as long and as often as they can. 

Maggie closes her eyes tight and blows out her candles. Whatever she wishes for, Daisy hopes she’ll get. But this year, there’s one difference from all the others.

This time, Daisy doesn’t make a wish that she’ll get a chance to be with Billy one day. She doesn’t have to wait. She’s living the rest of her life right now. 

Nicky corners Billy when he’s getting more ice out of the freezer. 

The party has died down to just Teddy and his former bandmates. Even Maggie crashed out after an epic sugar high. Camila only left a few minutes ago, agreeing for Julia to sleep over at Daisy and Billy’s next weekend as she did. 

He’s surprised Nicky lasted this long, but he should’ve known it wasn’t by accident, It was for a reason. 

One that Billy might not like. 

Billy looks up at Nicky and tries not to glare, but Nicky turns sheepish and raises his hands in surrender, so it must not quite work. 

“What’s up?” Billy asks, and his voice might sound more loaded than whatever look he gave Nicky. 

He starts off a bit better, “I needed to say a few things to you, and I…Well, I think it’s now or never.”

Billy nods, though it feels weird to have to give him permission for whatever he wants to say. 

But Nicky doesn’t seem fazed by it and continues, “I never loved her right, but I did love her. Maybe part of me still…” he trails off and then seems to think better of going down that road. “Regardless, I doubt it matters now that you two are together.” 

“Nicky—”

“I just…” he cuts him off. “I convinced myself that you didn’t love her better than me. I was so sure that I was a good person. That I deserved her. I invented all these lies to keep myself drunk or high, and most of all, lies that helped me keep Daisy.”

Billy isn’t sure what he’s supposed to say to any of that. He agrees with the fact that Nicky didn’t love Daisy properly. That he couldn’t or refused to be the man she needed. The one she deserved. But he also knows now that he did those things, too. He lied to every single person in his life back then, especially himself. 

The fact that he might have something in common with Nicky Fitzpatrick is enough to stop him from firing off every last insult he’s thought about him over the years.

Luckily, Nicky keeps going, “But she was never truly mine. Not in the ways that mattered. I thought maybe now that I’m sober, we could try, but…” He shakes his head. “It was always you, Billy. Even it was me, too, for a little while. It’s always been you.” He blows out a breath. “And believe me, I’ve tried to come up with ways where it didn’t have to be or convince myself that you don’t love her the way she deserves. But I can’t. Because you do. You make her so happy. You’re who she needs.”

Billy swallows. “Why are you saying any of this?”

“I’m leaving LA,” Nicky tells him.

He frowns. “I don’t understand.”

“I don’t belong here.” Nicky turns wistful, and Billy can’t believe it, but he almost feels bad for him. “I don’t know where I belong, but it’s certainly not here. Not in this family. There isn’t room for me. Not after everything I did.”

“But Maggie—”

Nicky shakes his head again. “I know, but…She isn’t my daughter, Billy.”

“We don’t know that for sure,” Billy says, even though he doesn’t understand why he’s trying to come up with reasons for Nicky to stay.

It is the truth, though. They don’t know which one of them is Maggie’s biological father. Daisy offered to do a paternity test a few times, but Billy refused each one, and Nicky went along with it. He hasn’t thought about that in months. It never mattered to him, not from the start. Because Maggie is his daughter in every way that counts. 

“But it’s more than that,” Nicky adds, “ I’m not her father . Maybe I could’ve been if anything was different. But I’m not, and it isn’t. You’re Maggie’s father, and we all know it.” He swallows. “So, I’m leaving.”

“I won’t try to convince you otherwise.” Billy shrugs. “Maybe that makes me an asshole, but…”

Nicky waves him off, and the two of them start to walk toward the front door. “Nah. Just an overly protective dad. I wouldn’t want anything less for Maggie.”

“I won’t let her down,” he promises, even if he knows he doesn’t owe Nicky anything. “Either one of them.”

Nicky grins. “Oh, I know. But don’t worry, I’ll still be sending Maggie the occasional absurdly expensive present.” He gives Billy a hard look, even though he’s still smiling. “And if you ever fuck it up with Daisy, don’t think I won’t come back.”

Billy snorts and knows that he really will never like this man, but he might not entirely hate him, either. 

And when Nicky gets to his car and looks back at the house one more time, Billy waves. 

After everyone is gone for the night, Billy feels settled. Even though the house and yard are only mostly cleaned. He doesn’t mind. Some things can be a little out of control, and he doesn’t have to always worry about it. 

Billy and Daisy go into Maggie’s bedroom, and she’s still tuckered out. But Daisy asked him if he still wanted to tell her about them, even if it meant waking her up to do it, and he didn’t hesitate before saying yes. 

Maggie wakes up almost as soon as they open her bedroom door. 

She’s still sleepy but makes the cutest yawn to ever exist and asks, “Is it still my birthday?”

Daisy grins. “Yep.”

Billy adds, “And we might have just one more surprise.”

Maggie sits up then, though still not as alert as she can be at six in the morning. 

Billy and Daisy take a seat on her bed, and before they can even say anything, Maggie’s eyes go wide.

“Am I getting a little sister or brother?”

Billy coughs, and Daisy laughs. Because, of course, their kid is already a couple of steps ahead of them. It doesn’t come as a surprise, but it does make their actual news a little less exciting for Maggie. 

When Daisy and Billy finish explaining that they're in love and plan to stay that way, Maggie’s brow furrows. “Were you not before?”

They look at one another, and it only takes Billy a moment to decide.

“Yes,” he tells her, “we were. For a long time.”

Maggie takes a moment to consider this, and eventually, she just nods. “Okay! That’s cool, but can we go to the beach tomorrow?”

Daisy bites her lip and is almost shaking with laughter. Billy feels only slightly affronted by his own kid. As much as he knows he was obvious in his feelings for Daisy, it’s different to hear it from a newly six-year-old little girl. Even if that girl happens to be half Daisy Jones. At least Daisy is equally implicated in Maggie’s complete dismissal of their “big surprise.” He knows it’ll get back to Warren, Karen, Eddie, and Graham and can almost picture their gloating expressions and over-dramatic re-enactments of Billy and Daisy. 

Still, he doesn’t think he’d change Maggie’s reaction for anything. Her life has changed so much in the last two years. At first, he was terrified of all the ways he might hurt her by just existing. But with time and help from Daisy, he’s learned that he doesn’t have to be.

That living in fear won’t make it impossible for her to get hurt, and that he can protect them from life and himself if he just tries hard enough. 

Now, he knows better. 

He loves his daughters. And while he hates that the world is a scary place and that he’s failed them before, he doesn’t let it hang over him like a sign of his own damnation anymore. He can be their dad without needing to be perfect.

That’s just about the best thing he can hope for. So, even if Julia or Maggie has a penchant for almost near-roasting him for his feelings, he can handle it. With them and Daisy in his life, he can handle anything. 

Daisy’s second album drops, and even though Billy insisted multiple times that he expected nothing less, she’s still shocked when it lands in the top three on the charts.

She’s right up there where she was with AURORA, maybe even higher, honestly, and she can’t deny how thankful she is for it. She loves her daughter. She loves being a mom to Maggie and a partner to Billy. But she’s a musician. It’s part of who she is, in her very DNA. Without it, she doesn’t know what she would do. It’s saved her life so many times. But she never thought she could get everything. Only now, she isn’t so sure. 

When Teddy calls her with the news, Billy hugs her. He picks her up off the floor and swings her around a little. She kisses him, but they’re both smiling into it, so it can’t become heated. For once, she’s okay with that. Especially since they’re in front of their daughter. 

Maggie doesn’t fully understand the reason for the celebration, but that doesn’t stop her from jumping up and down, clapping, and dancing around the living room anyway. 

Since her birthday, she hasn’t stopped asking the two of them when she’s going to get a little sister or brother. Daisy and Billy haven’t exactly talked about it, and she knows this album’s success could delay things, but she thinks that won’t make a difference in what they both want. 

She knows that they did the right thing by keeping their relationship a secret from Maggie for those weeks following the holidays. As hard as it was to keep it from her, finally telling Maggie on her birthday helped ease her worries and the last remaining doubts she had about being with Billy. Now, she doesn’t need to worry about kissing Billy or letting him take her hand in his in public. And it turns out that Daisy’s concerns about how Maggie would feel were for nothing. Her happiness has only grown in the weeks following, and Daisy couldn’t be more thankful for her life. 

Finally, it seems that she doesn’t need to wait for the next step or worry herself sick about what could go wrong. She doesn’t have to second guess herself, concerned that she’s self-sabotaging her life. And she doesn’t doubt Billy’s love for her or his dedication to their family. 

After the news of her album’s success and good reviews spread, they decide to have a party because, well, even sober, they’re still them . 

Her former bandmates celebrate her success, and even though she knows it’s hard for some of them, they’re so proud of her. It warms every inch of her, and she knows she’ll never have to let them go. Maybe she would, in a different world or another version of her life after Chicago. But she has this life. A good one. She and Billy had to fight for it, yes, and it took them longer than she likes to think about, but they’re here. 

Billy raises a bottle of sparkling water on her back patio, and the rest of them raise their various drinks. 

“A toast,” he starts, and she laughs. He’s undeterred, though, “To Daisy Jones, mom, rockstar, and hopefully my future wife if she’s up for it.” 

Everyone hoots and hollers at that, and Daisy smiles so wide it almost hurts.

“She is one hell of a musician and an even more amazing woman. I can say for all of us that she has changed our lives in an infinite number of ways. And I couldn’t be more thankful to have the pleasure of being in love with her.” 

Daisy is starting to cry, and she would hate it under any other circumstance, but her pride forgives her for it right now. 

Billy finishes, “I was sure that Earth couldn’t be conquered until I met Daisy, but now, I know better. First, the Billboard Top 100, and next, the world.”

The rest of them clink their drinks and make more cheers to her, and it’s a little much, but in the best way. 

Maggie climbs into Billy’s lap, and she’s grinning, too. Daisy and Billy meet eyes, and she wants to savor this moment forever. But not because she’s worried there won’t be others like it. There will be. She’s sure of it. 

Because today, and forevermore, she and Billy get to be the people who are just…Happy. 

Chapter Text

1990

Winter

Jules finally gets her driver’s license, and even though Maggie can tell she wants her very first drive to be with her friends, she agrees to take Maggie to a record store.

Maggie is twelve, bordering on thirteen, and the world has never been wider and filled with more possibility than it has to her right now. Mom keeps reminding her that she’s still young, and she needs to remember that. Savor it. But Maggie can’t wait to grow up. Today, though, she’ll let herself be twelve and ride in the car with her big sister. 

Dad positively loses it when Julia pulls out of the driveway. He’s so worried it would be funny if Maggie wasn’t also a little bit nervous. She trusts Julia, though. And they do manage to make it to the road in one piece. At least Mom is there to make fun of Dad as they drive off. 

Abel is also desperate to go with them, but Mom asks him if he’s finished his homework, knowing that the answer is a swift no. Maggie feels bad, but not enough to beg for her little brother to join. Besides, she barely ever gets enough time with just Julia. Especially since she went off to freaking boarding school because she’s some kind of science genius.

This drive already feels special, and Maggie refuses to waste a single second of it. 

She rolls down her window and waves her hand against the breeze. It’s warm for December in LA. Julia looks over at her at a red light and shakes her head. 

“You’re gonna be a real menace, Mags.”

She recognizes her tone well and the intention behind the word menace.

“Oh, yeah,” Maggie agrees. “Always.”

Julia grins, and Maggie returns it. Sometimes, she worries that since she and Julia have different moms, people won’t fully see them as sisters. When she was seven, Justin Callahan even accused her of making Julia up. Only for Maggie to bring in her for show-and-tell later that year. The look on his face was priceless.

Dad’s told her a thousand times that Maggie and Julia will always be sisters, even when they fight, and his promise did help make the first few years of Jules being a teenager easier. That time was kind of lonely for Maggie. Abel still acted like a baby, Uncle Warren’s twins weren’t much better, and Julia didn’t want anything to do with her little sister. But then Maggie met Lauren, a new girl at school, and they became best friends. They still are, even though Maggie doesn’t mind hanging out with Abel as much anymore, and Julia and her have gotten close again. 

It feels good to have lots of people. To know that she has more than just her parents or siblings, or cousins that aren’t actually related to her. She has plenty of people now. Mom reminds her not to lose her hold on that. 

“People are worth it, always, in the end. And it doesn’t matter if they’re related to you or not. All that does is the love you share for one another,” Mom recently said when Maggie and Lauren had a fight. 

She isn’t sure if she fully understands what her mom means, but she likes the sound of it. Like growing up, she hopes she will get it one day. Soon. But she won’t force it. According to Dad, she inherited her mom’s impatience and both of their stubbornness. Which is fine by her, even if it’s earned more than one stern look from both her parents. 

“Do you have a new boyfriend yet?” Maggie asks when they’re halfway to Mom and Dad’s favorite record store in the city.

She hasn’t introduced a different one since she and Brad broke up. Maggie knew that Jules was sad about it. But that didn’t stop Dad from practically cheering when she called and told them he wouldn’t be visiting during the summer. Mom rolled her eyes at that. 

Maggie’s been scared to even ask about him, but she can’t hold it in any longer. 

Julia snorts. “As if.” Maggie frowns, and she goes on, “One day, you’ll see that having a boyfriend isn’t everything. Believe me.”

Maggie shrugs. “I don’t think I will.” Jules makes a face, one that isn’t happy at all, and she tries to fix it. “I was just kidding.”

She nods and forces a smile. “I know.”

Maggie chews on her lip. “Do you miss him?”

Julia laughs. “Not at all.” Maggie doesn’t quite understand her reaction from before, then, and she picks up on this. “I just…” she trails off, turning serious. “It was scary to break up with him. Partly because it meant I would have to be on my own again. But also…It meant I had to confront something about myself I wasn’t ready to.” She sighs. “And I’m still not ready to tell you or your mom. Not even Dad.”

“Okay,” Maggie allows, “but you have to swear that you’ll tell me first. Got it?”

Julia keeps her eyes on the road but still manages to raise her eyebrows. “You think you can keep a secret from your mom and Dad?”

Maggie nods vigorously. “Totally.”

Julia grins. “Okay, then. I swear, when I’m ready, I’ll tell you first.”

Maggie smirks, triumphant. Until Jules asks, “How about you? Any new crushes?”

She waves a hand. “Sure, but no one special.”

Julia laughs again. “Is that so? Does Dad know about them?”

Maggie shakes her head. “Even I know that I can’t tell him.” She adds, “Unless I want them to disappear off the face of Earth.”

“You know you can tell him, though, right?” Jules asks. “Dad wants us to be able to tell him everything.”

Maggie doesn’t really buy that. “Do you tell Dad everything?”

“I…” Julia starts. 

“That’s what I thought!” she replies. 

“Fine,” Julia gives in. “But if it’s something important, he does want to hear it. Regardless of what it will do or what it means.”

Maggie gives her an incredulous look. “I know that .”

“Okay,” she allows, “just as long as you do.”

Maggie changes the subject back by saying, “I’ll tell Dad if it’s something serious. My mom, too. But all I know is that I can’t wait to fall in love. Just like the two of them.”

And it’s true. She does want a love like her parents. Because as much as they’re just her mom and dad, she can tell they’re something special, too. That people like them don’t come around often. Maggie isn’t sure she’s one of those people, but she hopes she could be one day. 

Jules shakes her head, but she’s smiling. “Like I said. You’re going to be a menace.”

Maggie’s satisfied with that and lets Julia change the subject to what she’s been studying at school these days. Maggie likes hearing about it, even though science and math are her least favorite subjects. She tells Jules about her guitar and singing lessons, too. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever be as good (or as superstar-famous) as her mom, but she practices as much as she can, just in case.

They pull into a parking spot in front of the record store, and it only takes Julia three times to get them close to the curb but not too close. Maggie even helps. It all feels very grown up. Especially when Julia curses when they have to pull out of the spot for the second time.

Once Jules checks all her mirrors and makes sure the car is locked, Maggie pulls on her hand to get to the store as quickly as possible. Mom gave her enough money for two records, and she’s eager to start to her selection process. It might take an hour. Easy. Which, again, is why it’s so awesome Julia agreed to be the one to take her on her first drive. 

“Okay, okay, don’t break me,” Jules warns. “After all, I have to be able to drive us home.”

Maggie looks back at her. “I bet I could drive!”

Julia laughs. “And give Dad a heart attack at the same time.”

Maggie rolls her eyes, but she knows she has a point. 

They finally get through the front doors, and Maggie looks around in wonder. She’s been here before, of course. But always with Mom or Dad and Lauren. Never just her and Jules. Her parents are pretty cool about allowing her some freedom, but she thinks she’ll never stop craving more. 

More often than not these days, she feels like she’s waiting for something big to happen. Mom and Dad remind her that she needs to live life in the moment, and sometimes it works. But Maggie feels like her life is destined for something. 

She just isn’t sure what that is yet. 

“Alright,” Julia tells her, “let the process begin. Let’s just try to get out of here before my next birthday.”

Maggie looks up at her and smiles. “Challenge accepted.”

Julia rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling, too, so Maggie knows she doesn’t mean it. 

She wanders through the aisles. The store sells both used and new records, and she recognizes some of the titles from her parents’ collection. She goes to the J’s and sees a few of her mom’s. All of them, except the first one she made when Maggie was a baby, feature Dad as a producer. When Teddy decided to retire, her dad took over as one of the executive producers at the label. 

Teddy’s still kicking, as he puts it. She can tell his aging scares Mom and Dad, and it scares her, too. Teddy’s special. But she knows that even after he’s gone, no one will forget the music he helped create. More than that, they won’t let the world forget him as a person, either.  

Maggie keeps going, looking for something before she even really knows it. She runs her hands over The Who, Rolling Stones, David Bowie, and more. The cover art used to be her favorite thing about records. Now, it’s all about the music. But part of her is still pulled to certain ones based on how much she loves the pictures of the musicians or other artwork. 

When her hands land on a record that has a bright blue sky at the top, she stops flipping. The woman is in a white dress and has silver bangles on her wrists. Her hands are thrown up and to the side. She’s looking endlessly into the man’s eyes. He stands dangerously close to her. His hair covers part of his face, but Maggie can feel the emotions there anyway. 

The album cover is a picture of her parents, and the record in her hands is AURORA .

She’s seen it before, of course. Mom and Dad keep a copy at their house, way in the back of the case that holds their records and cds. Maggie’s asked about it a million times. She knows that things between them were hard sometimes back then. That’s what they’ve both said to her before. They’ve also reassured her it wasn’t all bad. After all, they fell in love while making the record. 

Only Maggie knows they didn’t get married until 1987, twelve years after they met and nine years after Maggie was born. 

She still doesn’t know everything that happened between them, but she wants to know more than almost anything else in her life. What happened and how they fell in love and how they found their way back to one another. She’s asked them before, of course, but they’ve hesitated to tell her. 

The only thing that eclipses her quest for knowledge about her parents’ story is her dream of being a rock star in her own right. 

“Did you know that my mom took that picture?” Julia asks from next to her.

Maggie looks up, her eyes so wide she’s sure she looks goofy. “Really?”

Julia nods. “She told me. Dad confirmed it.”

Maggie looks back down at the record. It’s creased at the edges, and there’s a coffee stain on the right corner, but she wants it for herself. Like she can untangle her parents’ secrets and lives before her by owning something they made together. Her parents still make music together, of course, but it’s different. Mom’s made a dozen records, but in all her interviews, she always has the same answer for which one is her favorite. 

AURORA will always be special.

Maggie just wants to know why .

“Did Dad tell you the story?” she asks, looking back up at Julia.

She hesitates, but in the end, she tells her the truth. “Yeah, he did. Over the summer.”

Maggie huffs. “But he won’t tell me?”

“It’s complicated, Mags. It’s not an easy story to tell.” She pauses. “Or to hear.”

“I know that,” Maggie insists. “I know love isn’t some fairytale. Mom and Dad have told me all these little pieces, though, and I want to know the whole thing. I need to know.”

Julia swallows. “I don’t know if it’s my story to tell.”

Maggie clutches the record in her hand and studies the picture once more.

“But maybe…” Julia begins again. “Maybe I can tell Dad that you need to know. I can’t promise that I’ll be able to convince him. He still has a lot of…Feelings about the past. Hard ones. Your mom and mine do, too. But I’ll try, okay? I’ll tell him…That you’re ready.”

Maggie sets down the record and pulls Jules into a tight hug. She doesn’t let go, even when she probably should. Julia waits for a moment but then hugs her back. 

When Maggie releases her hold on Jules, she’s grinning. “Thank you, really.”

Julia points a finger at her. “You got it. But no blaming me for ruining your life if he says no. Like I said, it isn’t my story to tell. For what it’s worth, though, I do think he’ll say yes. I think he kind of just…Needs permission.”

“I’ll give him all the permission in the world,” Maggie promises. 

Jules laughs. “I’m sure he’ll love that.”

Maggie laughs, then, too. Because she knows her dad well. Enough to know that he won’t be able to resist her. Even when it comes to something as hard as telling her the story of him and her mom. Maybe Julia is right, and Dad really does want to tell her. 

In the end, Maggie buys AURORA and Goo by Sonic Youth . Julia gets Poison by Bell Biv DeVoe and Madonna’s The Immaculate Collection . 

Maggie knows Dad will only be slightly mortified by Julia’s choices. And he’ll somehow find a way to brag about Maggie’s. Mom will think both of their tastes match them perfectly. 

Her mom and dad’s story might be hard to tell, but she knows that from the pieces they’ve shared already. She might not understand all of it since it happened so long ago. Her parents were different versions of themselves back then, almost different people entirely, if the stories they or Warren, Eddie, and Karen have shared are anything to go by. 

But no matter what, she knows the story will be a good one. Worthy of novels and movies and everything else, even if it isn’t a fairytale. The story will be the best one she’s ever heard.

Because it ends with Maggie and her family together.

Happy and whole and good.