Chapter Text
Awake.
My eyes darted open and all I could feel was cold. Feeling. That was new. I was totally unaware of who or where I was, my eyes scanning the area, looking for anything of recognition. Outside, I was outside. There was a slight breeze, and, in the distance, I could hear something, laughter? Was that what that was?
My head reeled at the hundreds of thoughts swirling within as I suddenly became aware of my own body. The cold seemed to seep in through my limbs where they contacted the ground. Pushing myself up so I was now sat up on the floor I surveyed my own form.
The skin was pale, almost the same colour as the bright moon that shone above, long thin arms ended in slender pale fingers as well, my hands were smoothed as I turned them in the moonlight. I looked at the rest of me, my body was small under the black silky fabric of the dress I wore; for a moment I spent some time just feeling the fabric with my hands, savouring the sensation.
I stood shakily, like a fawn taking their first steps, the cold cobblestone biting at my bare feet. Glancing at the floor my hair fell forward; thick black curls falling over my shoulders coming down to my waist. Like the fabric, it too felt smooth to the touch, and smelt like sea air.
I felt odd. I still could not remember who I was or where I was, but I remembered somethings. I remembered these feelings, the cold and the burn as I filled my lungs with air, as if I hadn’t taken a breath in years. I remembered the sound of the wind rustling and laughter, and when I looked up at the night sky I felt at home, but I couldn’t remember where home was exactly.
Focusing I tried to remember who I was or why I was here. I remember a small crying, like a newborn babe, a feeling of warmth spreading through me and nothing else. The memory jolted through me, and I had to brace myself against something to prevent me from falling. A wall, stone but not as cold as the floor.
A light flickered in the distance as I got a better sense of my surroundings. I was in an alleyway of some kind, the street beyond was crowded, the people laughing and shouting. The sound of clicking tankards and music swayed through me, and the scent of alcohol and food wafted over me. I was in a busy place, it was night and people were drinking, partying; perhaps I was one of them? It didn’t feel right but I had no other explanation. The dress I wore was nothing more than a plain black satin slip, nothing to go out in I would have thought but I didn’t know. How long had I been here in this alley, how long had it been since I woke up even? It felt like seconds but hours at the same time.
I shook my head in frustration, hoping the shaking would rattle some kind of semblance into me. When it didn’t, I decided to take a step forward, towards the bustling crowds of the street beyond. It was shaky but I didn’t fall. So, I took another, and another, until I was out onto the street.
I winced from the light at first, too bright, but I forced myself to see, to let my eyes adjust. People swirled around me like water rushing passed a rock in a stream. I was in awe at the sights, thousands of lights twinkled around me as if I walked among the stars themselves. Laughter poured in from every window and door and music filled the air. Despite the number of people running and dancing around me it wasn’t stuffy, a cool sea air blew in and calmed me as it did. No one even seemed to notice me at first, but then I started to focus in on their faces. There were so many different types of people, all fae, some voice in my head informed me. There were strikingly beautiful fae with pointed ears who oozed charm, creatures with small insect wings flew passed, two women walked by who’s skin was like black coal and their eyes burned like embers.
When they noticed me their faces dropped or paled and the hurried away. People started avoiding me as I moved, like an invisible barrier stopped them from coming closer, some kind of instinct to stay away. It pained me, I didn’t mean any harm I was confused but hoping someone could maybe tell me where I was. I reached out to a handsome High Fae man to ask but he almost screamed as he pulled away running in the other direction. People began panicking then, and running, the music and laughter stopped and became replaced by shouting and screaming in terror. I looked for the source, trying to find what people found so scary before I realised it was me. But I wasn’t some monster I was like them I realised, I was a High Fae too, but I wasn’t at the same time. Something Other boiled beneath my skin, trying to burst free.
I shuddered and doubled over at the sensation as the memory hit me. I had chosen to look like this. I still couldn’t remember who or where I was but I know I chose to appear this way, it was important that I did to be more palatable to whoever I was here for; because I remembered I was here for someone. Something woke me from my slumber and I had chosen, subconsciously, to be in this form. I tried to focus my breathing, something that felt strange to me. As a whoosh of air sent my raven hair flying back and boots thudded on the ground before me.
“What are you?” The male demanded, not who I noted. He stood before me, tall and muscular, his skin tanned, broad leathery wings splayed out behind him and his brown hair pulled half up into a knot, he wore fighting leathers and pointed a sword straight at me. “What are you, I won’t ask a third time.” Small gems on the back of his gloved hands glowed red as he snarled.
I tried to find my voice and realised I hadn’t actually used it yet. “I – I don’t know.” It came out husky and strained, as if I had been screaming or hadn’t spoken in some time. “Please, where am I?”
Confusion filled the male’s face, he did not expect this clearly. “You don’t know what you are? Or where you are?”
“No, I woke up here, I – I can’t remember anything. Please where am I?”
“You’re in Velaris.” And when I still looked puzzled he added “In the Night Court.” The Night Court rang a bell somewhere in my head. There were Courts in some Fae realms and there had been one named for the night I was sure, but I couldn’t remember it. “Are you okay?”
He lowered his sword, although the gems on his hands still glowed with red light. His faced turned more towards concern as he offered me a hand up.
“I don’t know if I’m honest. I’m not High Fae am I? But I look it?” I asked trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together.
He chuckled slightly, still weary as if I might strike at any moment, as if I knew how to do that. But deep in me some power rumbled, eager to accept the challenge. I pushed it down. “No, you are certainly not High Fae. I think you should come with me. The others will be back soon and they will want to see you.” I let him help me up as he sheathed his sword, he lead me through the winding streets not asking any more questions.
“I’m going to have to carry you, unless you know how to fly?” He asked as we stood on the open expanse of a bridge. From here I could see even more of the city, light flowed through it and danced off the water below. I pondered his question for a moment, no I don’t think I could fly, not in the form I had chosen. So I slowly shook my head.
“Okay well I’m sorry, but there’s no other way to do this.” He said scooping me up into his arms as if I weighed nothing to him. His broad arms held me close and as he pushed off the ground a small gasp escaped me.
We were flying, rising higher and higher above the city below, the lights and laughter fading as we soared up and up. I didn’t try to hide my astonishment as we glided over parties and the river that snaked through the city out towards the sea beyond; it was beautiful. I forced my eyes to look away and look towards where we were heading. I was startled to see a huge mountain before me, how I hadn’t noticed it before baffled me, it loomed over the city but it didn’t feel malicious, more protective. In my core I felt something from it, a calm warning not to harm the city it protected and silently I nodded back at it, a promise. Was it normal to make a promise to a mountain?
We landed on the balcony of a huge palace carved into the mountain itself, from here the view of the city was breathtaking, from so high up the lights twinkled like stars and something about this felt familiar. Perhaps I had a home that looked out over a similar view, high up on the side of a mountain somewhere. I was suddenly snapped back to my present company when the male I was with coughed slightly, wanting my attention.
“Sorry, I should have said before I flew you here, my name is Cassian.” He grinned at me, his chest filling with pride as he looked over the city below too, his charge to protect maybe?
“Thank you.” I then realised that it was common practice and polite to tell him my name as well but I couldn’t remember. I strained my mind to think of my name, it was so simple, I must have one, but I came up blank and just stared at Cassian in embarrassment. “Sorry I, uh, I don’t remember my name.” Shame filled me as I shrunk back slightly but Cassian just looked concerned.
“This is rather strange, and I’m not the best one to deal with this. I won’t lie to you, a strange being, that smells and looks like a High Fae but is not, is found randomly in the streets of one of the most heavily warded places in Prythian and they don’t know how they got here or who they are? It has me a bit rattled, and that’s not something easily done.” His eyes fixed me with a probing stare, as if he could see into my mind and pick the pieces of the puzzle out himself.
There was another whooshing sound and a thud as two more people landed on the balcony behind me. I turned to look and marvelled at the couple in front of me. If the High Fae I saw in the streets below were handsome, then these two were breathtaking. The male wore a black suit, the stitching silver looked like night itself, he exuded power with every step he took. The female by his side was somehow equally as splendid, her golden-brown hair tumbling around her shoulders, her face flush from the cold air as she flew in. Neither had wings in sight though.
The male eyed me with concern, not for me but for something else, and then I noticed it, there was a glow around them, almost undetectable, like a shimmer over the two of them. They loved one another so deeply that it shone through. If I focused enough, I could make out its colour of obsidian and almost see a tether between them. The female looked at me with more compassion, her eyes darting between Cassian, the other male and me. My gaze was focused on her until something moved. No not moved but something was new in my mind. Like someone stepping in.
I turned my full attention to the male before me, his eyes flickered with fear before it quickly recovered, as if he had been caught. “There’s nothing in her mind. Just darkness.” He said still staring at me as he inched closer to the female. “Cass what is it doing here.”
“I think she might have a voice of her own.” The female said, glaring at the male as he shrugged apologetically at her. “Hello, my name is Feyre, Cassian said you don’t know who you are or why you’re here?” Strange considering Cassian hadn’t said a word to either of them since they arrived.
“Yes. I mean no harm, but I just woke up here, on the streets below. I don’t know why but I feel like I’m looking for someone, something summoned me here.” I said trying to gauge what they were thinking.
“Hmm, and you don’t remember who summoned you? You don’t remember your name?” She was polite and kind in her words, but the male next to her didn’t let her step any closer.
“No, I’m sorry it feels like something I should remember.” I tried to smile but it didn’t reach my eyes.
I felt it then, that presence in my head but not only that; it was as if the entire balcony had been plunged into darkness. Pure black night seemed to radiate from the male, I let it wash over me embracing it fully, this felt like it was meant to scare me, to make me uneasy but it didn’t. In fact it did the opposite. It felt like home.
I let the feeling surround me and, without realising, I emitted it back to him but softer, like I had turned his darkness into something softer, the darkness warmed to me and I threw it back to him.
He did not look pleased, shock and perhaps a flash of fear spread across his face.
“Rhys. Enough.” Feyre said snapping us both out of the pool of darkness that surrounded us. Just like that it was gone, but I could still smell the fear on him. “I’m sorry about my mate, he can be a bit overprotective sometimes.”
Mate. I knew that word, that was what described the shimmer around them; their bond. I smiled.
“We do these things to protect the ones we love.” I said cooly, not really knowing where that confidence had come from.
Cassian then spoke at last, to me. “This is Rhysand and Feyre, High Lord and Lady of the Night Court. And you have no idea who they are do you?” He chuckled at the last half of his sentence as he shot a look to Rhysand.
Something was familiar about the High Lord, something that reminded me of home but also very far removed at the same time.
“No, I’m sorry. But I don’t remember much at the moment so please do not take offence at that.”
“No offence taken at all, you seem a bit shaken. Why don’t we get you inside and you can change and have some food.” The High Lady said smiling as she strode passed her mate and took my elbow, guiding me into the palace beyond. “You two wait here, we’ll be back shortly.” She shot back across her shoulder. I could feel the High Lord’s eyes piercing the back of my head as we walked.
§
I was left for a short moment in a room. It was comfortable and warm as a fire blazed in the hearth at the one end.
Feyre had explained that this was the House of Wind, one of the Courts residences in Velaris, it belonged to her sister Nesta and her mate, Cassian, but I could stay here for as long as I needed, and I would be provided for.
She had been warm and welcoming, the picture of what I expected a High Lady to be. She selected some clothes from the wardrobe in the room, somehow already full as she explained it would all fit me. She pulled out some thick black leggings and a warm, soft pale blue jumper for me, and thick fluffy cream socks. Then she had left, saying that she would come back to my room when I was ready. Her smile told me that I didn’t have to rush.
I spent some time simply feeling the fabrics of the clothes before even putting them on. They felt so soft and delicate, the jumper softest of all. I stood for a moment and held it against my face, savouring the feeling.
I slipped the satin dress from my body, letting it pool onto the floor before stepping out of it. I surveyed the naked form underneath it, the skin almost snow white and cold to the touch. I was small and lithe but there were muscles there too, I felt strong but not in a physical way, it felt more like the vibrations under my skin, in my blood itself.
I shook off that feeling as I dressed myself, pulling the warm clothes on to me. The warmth was a new sensation again. Like the fire before me, it was comforting but also oppressive, I think I preferred the cold. But still the fabrics felt nice, I thought as I pulled the sleeves of the jumper down to I could play with the fabric in my hand.
There was a gentle knock at the door, as if the High Lady knew I was ready again. She entered slowly holding a mug of something in her hands. I smiled as she came into the room and she motioned for me to sit at the dresser near the fireplace. I sat down and adjusted my body to be comfortable in the chair, as if this too was a new feeling, as she placed the mug in my hands and began brushing out my hair.
“It’s some mint tea, it helps soothe me when I’m panicking so I thought it might be useful.” She smiled again, gently tugging out the knots from my hair that had been made by the wind on the flight up. “Rhys and I agree you should stay here. You aren’t our prisoner but we would appreciate it if you stayed up here. The only way out is flying unfortunately but if you do feel up to exploring the city below you can ask anyone and we will find someone to take you down and show you around. Cassian can fly, as you know, and Rhys and I can get you down too. Azriel can fly as well, like Cass, but he's away for his work and won’t return for a week.
I nodded, taking in the names and information as she braided my hair. I sipped the tea and felt it spread throughout me; it did indeed calm me slightly.
“I’m sure you want answers as much as we do, and we will try our best to help you get them, but you have to understand we are in a dangerous situation at the moment. We’re on high alert for things, and people like you that are considerably Other. But I promise we will try to figure this out with you.”
I felt so happy at that I could cry, the emotions inside me boiling over, like I wasn’t used to feeling this much. I understood emotions and had felt them before but never like this, they were overwhelming. Maybe it was just part of the fae form I had chosen.
“Thank you, that means a lot. I promise you I don’t mean any harm to you or your Court.” I didn’t fully know that, but I meant it. This female had shown me kindness, and I wouldn’t disrespect that.
“I again apologise for my mate. I think you’ve startled him and that doesn’t happen often.” She chuckled as she finished off tying my braid, placing it over my one shoulder. “Come on then, lets go get some food, I for one am starving and I can only imagine how hungry you must be.”
Hunger. That was a strange and entirely new feeling but yes she was right. My stomach grumbled in agreement.
Feyre led us back the way we had come, back towards the room with the big balcony where a large dining table laden with foods was. Rhysand and Cassian sat at the table already, deep in conversation as we entered.
Both of the males shifted slightly at the sight of me, both still unwilling to let their guard down just yet.
I sat in the chair Feyre offered up next to her and opposite from Cassian and just began taking in the smell of the foods in front of me when another person entered the room.
She was taller than Feyre and therefore me, she glided into the room wearing a high-necked black velvet dress that pooled around her feet on the floor. Her hair, the same golden-brown of Feyre’s, was neatly braided and coiled atop her head like a crown. She gave of a familiar feeling, Fae but not quite, something Other lurked under her skin too.
Sensing that she seen what I too saw, a deadly smile crept across her face. It was not warm like Feyre’s but icy cold, a challenge? Certainly recognition.
“Ah, this is my sister, Nesta. This is her home as I told you, the house is her friend, and I would suggest becoming her friend too before she makes life difficult for everyone.” Feyre said piling foods onto a plate and setting it before me.
“So this is the creature that has got everyone so riled up? She’s so small. Leave her to me and we will figure out where she is from.” Nesta’s force was like an arctic wind, chilling my very bones, the vibration under my skin hummed with electricity. Rhysand began to protest but Nesta simply raised her hand to stop him. Both Feyre and Cassian shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. “Calm yourself Rhys, I think its best I do this, maybe Amren too once she’s back from the Summer Court. This one is like us, and therefore we are the ones who will deal with her.”
Without uttering a word, the High Lord simply nodded once and began to eat the food on his plate. At that Cassian began shovelling food into him mouth at an alarming rate, Feyre eating as well. Only Nesta kept her eyes on me.
“Do you have a name?” She purred.
“No. Not yet.”
“Well that won’t do, you’ll have to pick one until we can figure out your own. I can’t try to work with you without knowing your name. I refuse to call you ‘girl’ like Amren will.” She stood abruptly, stalking over to a bookshelve near a sitting area around the fire. She studied them for a moment and then returned carrying an old leather bound book covered in dust. “This is a book of some ancient Night Court history, I don’t know what on and I don’t particularly care. Your first task is to read this and select a name for yourself by tomorrow morning.”
“Nesta, let the poor girl rest.” Feyre cut in, raising her eyebrows at her sister.
“No, we can’t afford to, not with everything else going on. We need to know who and what she is, and why she’s here.” Then turning to me she continued. “You are going to train with me in the mornings, then in the evenings, we will work on your memory and your powers with Amren.”
“Powers?” I questioned.
“Yes. You may not remember them, but they are there. I can feel them waiting to burst out and we need you to be able to control them before they do.” I nodded at that, it felt like Nesta really did understand me, like she had been here in this situation before. “Eat, you’ll need it for tomorrow.” She smiled.
“Cauldron save her Nes, you don’t go easy on people.” Cassian smiled at his mate between bites of food. I then looked at my own plate, filled with roasted meat, mashed potatoes, and buttery greens. I ate slowly, it was an odd sensation something I struggled with. I only ended up eating a third of the food on my plate apologising quietly.
“It’s okay, Amren was the same when she was first in her Fae body, maybe it’s the same for you.” Feyre smiled. “We’re going home now, try to get some rest and don’t let Nesta scare you.” She said winking at me as her and her mate glided towards the balcony.
Rhysand shifted as wings formed around him, and it made me wonder if Cassian’s wings could do that too.
“No, he wishes.” Rhysand chuckled as if reading my thoughts. And then they were gone, flying off towards the city below.
“She’s right, you’ll need rest. Pick a name from the book and meet me here tomorrow at dawn.” Nesta said pulling Cassian up and out with her.
“Welcome to the Night Court.” Cassian winked as he was half dragged out of the room and into the corridors of the mountain palace.
With that I was left alone. I allowed myself one more look over the balcony and down to the city below before returning to my room.
I wasn’t tired so I curled up into an armchair in front of the fire and began to read my book. At least I remembered how to read. I read for what must have been hours, about great battles fought with magical weapons, how the ruling Fae of this court had been blessed by night itself with their power. I tried to pick a name but none of them called out to me.
Then I read about one princess of the Night Court, from the age of heroes thousands of years ago. Her name was Astra, named for the stars. I let the name fill me, testing it for myself, it felt right as it settled into me, into my heart.
Astra, whether that was my true name or not, that is who I would be now. I must have fallen asleep in that chair, the fire lulling me into the land of dreams.
I dreamt for the first time. Of ferocious battles against old gods, fighting ancient beings of pure power, I could feel the terror in the soldiers around me. I dreamt of flying, soaring higher than the clouds amongst the stars themselves. And I dreamt of shadows, whispering to me, calling me into them, surrounded by their cool embrace.