Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Deryn wiped the sweat off her forehead and smiled slightly. Today’s taxing work had come to an end, and she could rest.

She reached for the cup of water on the nightstand next to her cot, and realized it hurt when she swallowed. It wasn’t only sore, it burned. She winced and put the cup back on the nightstand. She briefly thought about visiting Dr. Busk, but her secret was at risk if she were to go to him.

She simply concluded that she could just be coming down with a cold. Perhaps all the events in Istanbul took a hefty toll on her immune system. After all, the revolution, the anarchist lassie, and the work of bringing Alek back was just exhausting.

Deryn simply laid down and closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to come.
___
A mere couple of hours later, Deryn jolted up in a cold sweat, itching at her throat. She couldn’t breathe, and her desperate breathing sounded hoarse. She said she was afraid of nothing but fire, but blisters, this hurt.

She coughed loudly, until she felt something creep up her throat. She squeezed her eyes shut, and after a couple of moments, there was an object. At first, the room was too dimly lit to make out what it was, however, after focusing, she could see it was a barking flower. A small gardenia, to be precise. It was tinged with red at the edges.

And that’s when Deryn became alarmed. She held the head of the flower delicately and realized that it wasn’t naturally red; it was tinged red with blood. She felt her stomach clench and she dropped the gardenia, frozen in place.

Maybe she was just mad, or this was a nightmare. She would wake up in the morning and it would be gone. Yep, that will happen.

She stood up and looked out the window. The waxing crescent moon allowed for little light. By it’s position, she guessed it was around two in the morning. Also known as, way too early.

Suddenly, her vision was clouded by a vignette, black corners closing in on her peripheral vision. She didn’t have time to react before she passed out.

___

“Dylan? Are you in there? The captain sent me to get you. Are you alright?” she heard Alek ask from behind the door.

Deryn’s eyes sprang open. “Uh— yes just give me a moment.” She got dressed easily in under a minute, but her concern was the bloody flower on the floor. She got a couple of tissues and wiped it off the floor, tossing it in the garbage can and hiding it with another tissue on top.

Deryn opened the door, and as expected, Alek was waiting for her. They began to walk together.

“Are you okay? It’s a little late for you…” Alek noted.

“Aye, just feeling a wee bit sick is all.” She could feel her throat burn again, being next to Alek.

“Oh,” he said sympathetically, “maybe you could ask for the day off.”

“Eh, I’ve thought about. But it’s just a sore throat and a bit of a headache. I’ll be fine.”

“How long do you think it’ll take you to be—umm— finished with your tasks?” Alek asked, looking at her.

She thought for a moment, then shrugged. “Probably eight hours, like a working adult’s hours.”

“I see,” he said. “If your condition worsens though, take it easy on yourself. Your body needs rest to recover.”

Deryn couldn’t help but smile. He was quite the caring one. “Aye, thanks Alek.”

Her throat burned like blazes, but she couldn’t let Alek see her odd illness, and she didn’t want to worry him. Not until she found out what it was.

A few moments later, Deryn got to working and Alek went off to find something to do until she was done.

__

“Alright, up the rat lines everybody!” The captain ordered, “Mr. Sharp, I expect you to pick up the pace!”

“Aye, sir!” She shouted back hoarsely. Her throat felt like it was closing in on itself, and breathing felt as if she was inhaling thorns and needles. Each simple movement while climbing felt akin to a hike up Mount Everest. While her mind was awake, her muscles felt fatigued.

Still, she forced herself to keep climbing—and climb faster.

If your condition worsens though, take it easy on yourself, Alek’s advice began to echo through her head.

But, what was the worst that could happen? She thought, making it up pass the final ratline.

As she stood up on top of the air beast, she felt her legs start trembling, and felt lightheaded.

Well, those weren’t very good traits for an airman.

Her throat was unbearably itchy, with the added pain of it being sore. She winced with each breath she took, the wind being no help.

She forced herself to regain her composure, and carry on.

Except that backfired as soon as she began coughing again. Knowing what it was, Deryn’s hand flew up to cover her mouth. She coughed violently, and she could feel something in her throat as if she had swallowed something sharp and it became stuck in the midst of her throat.

She squeezed her eyes shut against the pain, and waited to cough out the flower, which she did within a few seconds. She held out her hand, still clasping the flower. The gardenia seemed to be bigger, in full bloom, and surrounded by other petals. Splatters of blood were also apparent on her hand.

She opened her hand, and the let the flowers fly away in the wind.

Just what in blazes was going on?

Perhaps she could ask Dr. Barlow, it seemed the lady Boffin was good at keeping secrets. Alek was good at secrets, but barking awful at lying. Still, either of them might know what was happening.

She went with asking Dr. Barlow, because she didn’t want to worry Alek more than she had to.

__

Deryn knocked.

“Come in.”

She entered the room, shutting the door behind her.

Dr. Barlow looked up from her work. “What brings you here, Mr. Sharp?”

Deryn thought for a moment, trying to think on how she could properly and formally word, Oh, just coughing out flowers and blood, nothing too serious.

“Well—it’s just— something barking odd has been happening. I’ve been coughing out flowers and blood, and I didn’t it know if it was some kind of illness from a fabricated plant… or something of the sort.”

Dr. Barlow actually, genuinely, looked a little alarmed. “Oh dear.”

“Why are you looking at me like that? Is it fatal?” Deryn’s voice lightened a bit with panic.

“Its fatality depends. What you have is called hanahaki disease, although I’ve only heard of it as a Japanese story. If I recall correctly, it stems from an unrequited love— or a love that is thought to be unrequited or impossible, leading flowers to root and spread in your lungs.”

“Can I get rid of it?” Deryn thought this was just barking mad.

“Yes, in three ways. One, you confess your feelings and if it is mutual, the hanahaki should disappear immediately. Two, you naturally lose feelings for the person, leading for the hanahaki to naturally fade on its own. Finally,” she hesitated, “there is a surgery to remove it. However, the surgery will cause you not only to lose feelings, but you will never feel romantic love for anyone, ever again. If the hanahaki progresses far enough, you could suffocate to death.”

Deryn was sure her eyes were as wide as dinner plates. All of it sounded unbelievable. But it wasn’t.

Because it was happening to her.

“Though, Mr. Sharp, if I may— who is the person causing this? Could it be this ‘anarchist lassis’ you spoke of?”

“No, it’s definitely not that lassie,” she sighed. If she might die, this lady boffin might as well know her secret. She averted her eyes. “I’m a girl, Dr. Barlow.”

Dr. Barlow blinked. “Indeed.”

Deryn stared at her, her jaw dropping. “Did you barking know?” She asked incredulously.

“I had no idea at all. But I make it a policy never to appear surprised. And, with this new information, I think I have a valid guess as to who this person is.”

Deryn averted her eyes as Dr. Barlow spoke again. “It’s Alek, isn’t?” She asked softly.

Deryn nodded wordlessly, her face blushing with embarrassment.

“I see. Unfortunately, in your circumstance, it seems none of the options are favorable. I’m sorry, Miss Sharp. We can only hope that it fades away.”

“Aye. Thank you, Dr. Barlow,” Deryn said, turning to leave the room, her hand on the doorknob.

“And, Miss Sharp, should you need to talk, I’m here,” Dr. Barlow offered sympathetically.

“I’m grateful, Dr. Barlow. Goodbye for now,” she left the room solemnly.

Deryn walked to her stateroom. The best she could do was just hope. She contemplated telling Alek her secret, but would it matter? He probably wouldn’t reciprocate her feelings in the first place, and couldn’t, even if he wanted to. He was a barking prince, after all.

“Dylan!” Said a familiar voice. Deryn’s hand was on the doorknob to her stateroom, and she almost chuckled bitterly at the ironic timing.

“Oh, hey Alek,” she said nonchalantly, as if she wasn’t going to die by coughing up flowers because she was in love with him.

At the sight of Alek, her throat burned unbearably, and her breathing was shallow again.

Chapter Text

The duo entered the stateroom, Deryn trying her best to cover up her illness.

They sat in a silence. For Alek, a comfortable one. For Deryn, it was solemn.

“Alek?” She wanted to say, but was interrupted by a violent fit of coughing. She fell off the edge of her bed, her knees hitting the floor with a thud. Her eyes watered, and she could feel gardenias fighting their way up. There was no way she could keep them back.

She covered her mouth with her hands and coughed into them. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe.

As she coughed and wheezed, she was suddenly aware of Alek putting his arm around her shoulders, as a form of comfort.

This only made it worse. She felt multiple big flowers force their way out and into her hands. She gasped for air, removing her hands from her mouth. In her cupped hands were a few fully grown gardenia flower heads, petals surrounding them. Some were fully red, some were simply tainted. As before, there were dots of blood.

She dropped the flowers and formed her hand into a fist, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, smeared blood on it.

“God’s wounds…” Alek whispered-yelled. Oh right. He was here too.

It was now, or more likely, never. “Alek, I have hanahaki. It’s where—“

“Yes I’ve heard of it,” he said, “but I thought it was just a myth.”

“Aye. I wish it was. I thought you should know, Alek, since you’re my best friend…” she trailed off, hesitating.

“Who is it, Dylan?” He asked.

“Alek,” to blazes with it, she decided, “I’m a girl. My name is Deryn.”

“Deryn,” he said. Contrary to the circumstances, her heart skipped a beat, hearing her name from his mouth. “So, it must be one of the midshipmen, then, right? That’s very tricky.”

“No, it’s not, Alek. I’m not close to any of them.”

The thought for a moment. “Somebody back home in Scotland? That’s also quite worrisome.”

Deryn groaned. He was just dense. “Think again, dafty.”

After a beat of silence, he seemed to realize. “Oh. Oh,” he said, his face flushing.

Deryn turned her head away from him. What had she done? She probably just made him feel dead guilty. Her eyes brimmed with tears, from pain, guilt, and just anguish. Alek wasn’t saying anything, which made her anxious. She was expecting something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, but I don’t feel the same way,” but nothing, just loud silence.

She felt him pull his arm away from around her. He probably hated her now, she reckoned.

Except, he grabbed her hand and stood up, making her stand up with him. Deryn looked at him, puzzled.

He then proceeded to walk closer, putting his forehead against hers. They were both blushing like mad. Deryn felt her chest tighten, whether from Alek’s closeness or her hanahaki, she couldn’t tell.

Alek gingerly took two fingers and placed them under her chin, tilting her head up, their breathing becoming one. Then, he kissed her, their lips clicking together like a completed puzzle. His hand left hers, readjusting itself around her waist, his other hand holding the side of her face. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing them closer. She felt like she was in a dream, like she was floating.

Immediately, she felt the flora clear from her lungs and throat.

Alek pulled away. “Sorry, I should’ve—“ He was cut off by Deryn kissing him again. She felt her hand glide through his hair subconsciously.

After a couple of moments, she pulled away. “It’s gone now,” she pecked his lips, “the hanahaki.”

Alek pulled her into an embrace. “Nothing will take you away from me, Deryn. Not providence, not destiny, not even fate itself.”