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The first time they run into each other, at the beginning of The Scorch Trials journey, they can’t wait to get some time alone. When they finally get the chance, they rush upstairs to their hotel room and kiss until it’s hard to breath, so they take it to the next level without even hesitating. As usual, Dylan is rough, fast and direct, while Thomas is sweet and maybe a little shy being sober. And as always, Dylan worships Thomas’ legs, caressing them as he spreads them apart and kissing softly his inner thighs before actually going at what he actually desires. Thomas observes him: those few seconds are the only ones that Dylan spends in showing him how much he cares about him, but it’s ok. They don’t really talk about it, they don’t think about it, neither about their relationship nor the meaning of it in real life. It’s just what they do when they’re together because they pretty much can’t help it. They can’t even pretend.
When they’re apart, things are different for both.
Thomas loves his life, he’s got everything he wants, he couldn’t ask for more. London is a beautiful city, his job is amazing and Bella gets him in every way possible. He doesn’t think about Dylan or what they do that often. He remembers some things randomly, mostly when he’s drunk, like the first time they had actually done it, in a hotel room after a full night of hardcore partying in between days of filming. He doesn’t remember the sex itself: he recalls some kissing and touching and then being deep inside Dylan, fucking him so hard he was getting dizzy and the younger man was practically screaming out of pleasure. Two blurry scenes stored in the back of his head, which only come to life when he’s hammered and nostalgic. He does remember quite well the aftermath. Waking up beside him, naked, with a terrible headache and still wearing the condom, and Kaya pounding on their door, shouting that they were going for breakfast. “Not coming!” he had screamed, and then Dylan had woken up, looking equally confused and nauseated. “Really? Was it that bad?” Thomas had asked. “No… No, it’s just that I don’t usually take it up the ass, you know?” Dylan had answered, laughing his non virgin ass off.
For Dylan it’s a little different, because he actually feels guilty about the affair. He thinks about Thomas maybe more than he should but he enjoys it, because there’s nothing non enjoyable about that lanky British prick, really. He goes to work, takes his girl for lunch whenever they have the time and parties like there’s no tomorrow, but he can’t help thinking that he feels too much about this guy, that he thinks too much about him, that the little they have means too much or hurts too much. Maybe it’s the guilt, because it’s the first time he ever cheats on Britt, or the fact that he misses his company like hell. Even so, he doesn’t call him but eagerly awaits for Thomas to do so and when they talk he smiles, and laughs and wants to be near him, something that’s impossible. Thomas lives across the ocean, in London, while he’s got an apartment in L.A., close enough to the beach, close enough to his girlfriend, to everything he cherishes. And by the end of the day, it’s too stupid to even think about it, the idea itself is silly. He won’t leave Britt for Thomas and Thomas won’t leave his perfect petite London girl for a scruffy, simple guy like himself. He’s so sure about it, just as he knows that something like that would doom their careers, and most of all, he’s positive of the fact that they both love acting and the lifestyle more than each other, or their girls. It’s as simple as that.
So when they’re together again, things go smoothly, as expected. They hang out with the cast and talk about their lives, about projects, even about their girlfriends, without hard feelings at least for the first days. Dylan knows that Thomas isn’t exactly the most loyal partner but since they’re not in a relationship, he doesn’t care and Thomas knows that Dylan loves Britt fondly, a statement that by the end of the first month troubles him a little. He’s sure about his feeling for Dylan or at least he used to think so but there are moments, especially lately, when he can’t help wondering about what they have and the future of it. He feels in love whenever they make out and thinks that Dylan feels the same way, but being in love and to love someone it’s bloody different. Unfortunately for Thomas, he can’t tell the difference anymore.
As days go by, the idea sticks into his head but he tries to push it away, although it seems impossible. They make love in every way they can, anytime they’re not exhausted, keeping it quiet because no one can know about them. One day Dylan makes Thomas ride him to look directly at his gorgeous panting face, soon feeling that something’s just wrong. It’s a sort of hunch, a new emotion that he hasn’t felt before and it scares him to death. He stops, squeezing his bony hips at the same time he presses his dick deep into him, so hard it almost hurts and Thomas opens his big dark eyes, bewildered. Dylan just looks at him, feeling breathless and weak, even a little flustered all the sudden but enable to speak his mind, so Thomas lowers enough to give him a proper kiss, long and meaningful, not the kind they share when they’re taking their clothes off with desperate hands after a workday of lustful stares.
And then Dylan knows he feels the same way.
But they don’t talk about it, although they both feel the urge to do so. Dylan is impulsive, careless even and he knows it, but while he can’t usually do anything about it, he does this time. Days go by and he bites his tongue, keeping himself from telling Thomas how he feels, because he finds it foolish, even when he knows Thomas might feel something too. He feels his heart pounding fast and his blood rushing wild when they lay together in his bed, tired and sweating, exhausted from both filming and a rabid five minute sex session. Thomas is happy, he can see the curve of his smile as he lays his head on his shoulder, talking nonsense and moving up and down the leg he’s got over the other. He wants to tell him, even though he’s not sure of the words. Maybe he’d say something like “Hey bubblebutt, I feel weird and I think I might love you, you asshole” or “I really should talk to you for the fucking first time about this relationship instead of giving you head”. He manages to make up his mind but when he’s about to say something, Thomas’ phone starts to ring and he picks up quickly.
-Hey –he says with mellow voice, his smile widening- Yeah, just about to go to bed… I’m sorry, I just got a little distracted, I’m exhausted… A bit, yeah –he laughs and Dylan feels miserable. He thinks about going away, giving Thomas some space to talk to Bella, but he doesn’t seem to mind his presence. So he stays and listens to the silly conversation, waiting for it to end to kiss Thomas on the lips and maybe make him tremble in pleasure again. He stares at the ceiling and begins to get irritated. He feels scared and confused, because he doesn’t know exactly what he wants or what to expect, or what to demand from him. He suddenly feels the need to demand things from Thomas and his stupid smile bothers him so much he runs all five fingers through his hair and softly pulls upwards, getting his attention. He can hear Isabella’s voice when he hungrily demands a kiss from Thomas and then he’s got his deep eyes in his, his full attention on him. He’s bemused, red lips half open, eyes subdued-. Listen love, I gotta kip down now, it’s been a bloody dreadful day… Me too.
He stares at Dylan for a few seconds and Dylan kisses him again, gentle and affectionate.
-So, what did I do to deserve that? –he asks. Dylan is acting weirdly enough for him to worry. He’s presence has been strange lately, uncanny he might say, he speaks less and seems even more distracted than usual, sad maybe or pensive even. But it’s not just Dylan’s behavior what bothers him, it is the fact that he feels this tension towards him, as if he was the source of his problems, the reason of the crisis. He knows without any doubt that something’s wrong when Dylan doesn’t laugh, because he laughs pretty much about everything, all the time. He sits in the bed and Dylan does the same, looking at him with a serious sorta smirk-. Hey, what’s going on? –he touches his hand and Dylan smiles.
-I don’t know, man. I’ve got a lot on my mind…
-That must be a first time for you but you probably shouldn’t worry too much about it –says Thomas and Dylan’s laughter is there again, loud and contagious, but there’s still something wrong and Thomas starts to feel nervous- Seriously chap, what’s wrong?
-Have you ever felt like you’re just… -Dylan bites his lower lip, moving his gaze away from Thomas- Like you’re just overthinking something too much? I mean, you shouldn’t but it lingers in your head and you can’t get it fucking out?
Thomas knows exactly what he means and it frightens him. At that point, it’s obvious that they are thinking the same thing, because he notices in Dylan’s face and body language that he feels as in love as him. It’s not the same thing, he repeats in his head, but even if it isn’t, that doesn’t mean that what he feels about the tosser is less important, or less overpowering than his feelings for his girl. At that point of filming he’s actually beginning to worry about the day it’ll end and he won’t be able to see Dylan every day, maybe in months. And then for years, or for life.
-Yeah, I know the feeling… -he says, uneasy- But, what are you talking about?
Dylan doesn’t say it, but his expression shouts it. It’s what they both feared without even knowing, deep inside. The confirmation comes around when their eyes meet and no one says anything because words seem pointless when the truth is undeniable. It’s written all over their faces and they see it, as everyone else, probably. But it’s hard to talk about it when everything they’re trying to do is to make it go away.
-I think it’s kinda obvious –the younger mumbles, he can’t pretend anymore. Thomas feels his heart strained and then sinking into the deepest black sea-. Just… Say something?
Thomas doesn’t know what to say. He wants to tell Dylan that he loves him more than he ever thought he would, but those words are stuck in his throat someway, making him feel numb and dazed. There’s this peculiar feel inside his chest that he can’t quite understand, an annoying mixture of fear and irresistible excitement, a suffocating predicament that he’s not ready to clear up. So he stands up, grabbing his briefs and cigarettes from the nightstand, then looking at Dylan over his shoulder as he walks off to the balcony.
-I need a smoke –he says.
When he’s about to finish the first cigarette, the bedroom door slams and Dylan’s gone, just when the conversation is starting to settle in Thomas’ head. He regrets leaving like that but it’s too late to go after him and a very bad idea knowing his temper. So instead of doing what his heart tells him to do, he ponders and smokes, trying to fall into oblivion.
When Bella arrives unexpectedly, things are not good. Thomas is moody although genuinely happy to see her and she can tell. He still hasn’t talk to Dylan but the American has been sleeping in Ki Hong’s bedroom since Monday, and he feels as guilty as stupid. He’s sad when he sees her but he smiles because he loves her, and he missed her and she’s just perfect for him. They cuddle after making love, as always and she places a little peck on his shoulder, a gesture that’s enough to make him feel like a jerk. He misses Dylan even when she’s there and just like that he knows how deep his infatuation is. He feels damaged and guilty, because even though he’s cheated before, it’s never been like this. Not as proper, not as real. Overwhelming from head to toe.
Dylan’s not pissed off. Actually, he’s not mad or sad even, he’s embarrassed. The first thing that had come to his mind in those few seconds between his “confession” and Thomas’ sudden desire to smoke had been terrible, because he had known he had fucked things up. What they have is perfect. A fling that will last some months and then it’s going to be over, without resentment, without harsh feelings. But the truth is that even when things had started like that, everything is changing, although the way he feels won’t. He cares for Thomas, he loves their relationship and he doesn’t want it to end, but maybe wanting things is not enough. There’s Britt and Thomas’ Bella, whom is actually there, sleeping next to him, taking her rightful place. And Thomas had run away, because maybe he just doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe it’s better that way.
Of the two of them, Thomas is the smart one.
The next days he calls Britt a lot. They normally talk but not every day because they respect each other’s independence, besides, their schedules are equally hectic. Still he manages to talk to her on a daily basis and she seems happy, although he can’t hide his despair. She asks, of course, but Dylan minimizes things, telling her that he is exhausted, which is kind of true. He feels better talking to her, but things don’t change inside even though he misses her, even though he’s already giving up on Thomas and whatever they had. He tries to avoid being in contact with them, especially with Isabella. He doesn’t hate her: she’s sweet and funny, maybe a little too good for Thomas, who is an actual jerk sometimes. He doesn’t dislike her, because he can talk to her and actually have fun but at that point he knows that things might show up on his face. Being honest with himself, he’s not the greatest actor in there or at least he can’t act all the fucking time.
By the end of that week, they have a scene together and everyone can feel the tension between them. They wrap things up and he leaves, even though he knows Thomas had approached him, maybe trying to talk to him. The cast is getting tired but everyone’s on a good mood, so they go to a nightclub that night. Thomas tries to avoid the couple again and he does, actually feeling good and relaxed. Kaya’s with him all night. They dance and talk, and drink everything they can. At some point she’s picking him up from the floor and they’re laughing because it’s fun to be that drunk. He manages to get sober again and she falls asleep on a couch, so he gets drunk one more time by drinking tequila shots with the others. By two a.m. he notices Thomas gaze on him and he feels terrible again. Bella’s right next to him, on her phone and fucking Thomas is looking at him, so deeply he swears he’s looking inside his head. So he drinks the final shot and goes to the restroom, knowing he will be followed.
-I’m sorry I left like that –the blonde says in a small voice as soon as they get to the bathroom. There’s a guy washing his hands but he doesn’t pay attention-. I didn’t know what to say then.
Dylan goes to the sink that the man just left and splashes some water in his face, suddenly very dizzy. Thomas is just there, drunk as fuck by the look on his face, but composed enough.
-Just forget it –Dylan says, looking at him from the mirror- I didn’t think it through, I was just affected by… Hormones and stuff… -he laughs and Thomas too.
-I know what to say now –exclaims, suddenly feeling desperate for necking from Dylan. He feels insecure, and his voice trembles but he’s sure about things.
-So?
-I don’t want this to end –he says- Things are great and were great the last time, why would it be different now?
Dylan smiles, but it’s sad and Thomas knows he screwed up.
-I don’t know what else to…
-Look, man, just say that I’m an idiot for proclaiming my love for you, when you don’t even…
-You didn’t “proclaim your love for me”, you didn’t say a thing! –says Thomas, with a sharp laugh.
-Do I really have to say it? Are you having fun with this, pal?
-No, I’m just saying… -he stops, feeling worn out, tired- I’m just saying that what we have is perfect, just like this, with anything else. It shouldn’t be complicated or distressing. It’s shouldn’t feel wrong…
-But it’s wrong. I mean, I don’t know about you English people but in America cheating is just wrong –says Dylan, feeling tired too, suddenly mad at him.
-Oh my god –Thomas laughs, pissed off- Really? Morality lessons from you, bugger?
-Just fuck off, man, I don’t know what you’re doing here in the first place –disses Dylan, closing his eyes- Your fucking girlfriend’s out there.
-What the hell is wrong with you? –the blonde asks bitterly.
-I don’t know dude, I’m hammered –he answers, laying his head on the sink between his hands, feeling nauseated - Just leave me the fuck alone, would ya?
-Well then… –says Thomas, grabbing the door.
-I love you.
-Fuck you! –the British shouts as he storms out.
-Yeah, yeah, fuck you too – whispers Dylan, not that drunk anymore.
Dylan loves the way things get fixed by morning. When he gets down to get breakfast, everyone’s there except Thomas but he’s not feeling bad about their fight anymore. He pours milk on his cereal and then Thomas is walking to the table, looking great as always, with a slight smile on his face. Bella’s not there and Dylan feels content, as if he had a heavy weight lifted from his shoulders. Thomas sits right next to him and takes a sip from his orange juice without even asking, before biting one of his toasts. Just like that, Dylan knows things are back to normal between them.
-I took her to the airport –Thomas says and then whispers:- I’m so sorry about last night.
When he looks at him, Thomas smiles widely and Dylan’s happy again.
They take the last lapse of freedom to get it on. One hour is enough for them to take things slowly but they’ve missed each other and as soon as the door closes, desperation takes over. They kiss harsh, moaning loudly while tearing away their clothes, starving from close contact. Soon, Dylan’s got Thomas pinned down to the table where he had his morning tea, pressing his hard cock inside him, making him whimper softly. Thomas closes his eyes while he moves a hand aback to push Dylan against him, urging him to go faster and rougher, and Dylan pleases him but then takes his hand by the thin wrist, pinning him harder as he presses it against his back.
-Fuck… -the older curses, grabbing with the other hand the edge of the table, since Dylan’s charging hard, fully possessed by lust.
They get to the bed after Thomas comes. Dylan’s on top again but facing him this time. He’s inside him, shagging him slowly but tough, looking directly at his eyes but he can’t keep his own open for long, he’s getting to close to orgasm. Thomas observes him, he enjoys that. He loves watching him sweat, shakily breathing with his eyes closed, and moaning soft curses as he fucks him harder and harder. He loves him, he’s suddenly realized. He reaches his face, cupping his jaw and cheek because he loves him, he bloody does. Dylan opens his eyes suddenly, looking at him stunned and thrilled by the atypical, loving gesture and then he comes, making the most pornographic noises he’s ever made. Thomas embraces him when he collapses and Dylan exhales a muffled laugh. They stay there until it’s too late, without sharing a single word.
The second time Dylan tells Thomas that he loves him, it’s with an audience. It’s about three months later and it’s the first time they’re together since filming was over. They’re on a Q&A panel, all the cast is there too, some reporters and a lot of fans as well. Everything’s been so fast, that they’ve had just a quick chat before entering the room, so Thomas’s waiting for the whole thing to end to finally talk to Dylan properly. They’re interviewing them, everyone’s having a great time and it’s fun to be there. About twenty minutes later they ask them which character of the saga, besides their own, would they like to be and Dylan immediately says than Minho. Then he explains himself, telling that he also loves Thomas, whispering Brodie-Sangster right after. It’s perfectly audible but nobody seems to be paying attention, except Thomas, who can’t help smiling, feeling warm inside.
It’s been a weird time off. They’ve talked a couple of times but something felt different. Thomas had been trying to avoid his feelings for Dylan but he couldn’t and he had messed things up a little more. He had slept with another guy: an American eighteen year old who was there with a soccer scholarship. He was a broad, dark haired boy, with Texan accent, didn’t know who Thomas was and he thought he was around his age. After that, Thomas had realized that what he thought he felt for Dylan was real and guilt had swirled in his stomach. Things aren’t that great with Bella either, because she isn’t a stupid girl and she knows something’s off but Thomas couldn’t tell her the truth. They’ve had more fights in three months than in three whole years and by the time he was leaving again, they were not talking. So when he sees Dylan, happiness is not unreachable anymore.
Dylan’s vacation was better than Thomas’. In a bittersweet situation, Britt had been very busy, so he had spent some time with his family on the beach. The good side of not being able to see his girlfriend that much was that when they saw each other, they were in the best mood and they had talked and have had sex without pressure of any kind. Being by himself had given him the chance to think about Thomas and what he wants to do about their affair. He doesn’t know exactly, but he knows that what Thomas had proposed in that filthy restroom was a reasonable thing. He wants to be with him but even though he feels almost ready to take the next step, he knows Thomas is different and things are not that simple. So he plans on waiting, going with the flow and trying not to go insane in the process.
When the panel’s over there’s another place to go, another interview to bear. Dylan’s confession’s revolving around Thomas’ head and he feels truly happy for the first time in months. When it all ends, they go to a bar and get hammered with the rest of the cast, chatting especially with Kaya and Rosa. They dance and talk, sharing mundane experiences from their time apart and when they’re both so drunk they can hardly walk, they call it a night and get a cab. They go straight to Thomas’ hotel and get naked. They don’t actually do anything for the first two hours. They sit on the couch, clothes off and order room service to eat while they watch tele.
When they finally make love it’s slow and sweet, with tons of kisses and words that make them laugh. When it’s over, Thomas stays inside Dylan for a while and they just rest together, listening to the tv’s nonsense. It’s about five a.m. when they stop talking, exhausted and lay shoulder to shoulder, staring at the darkness, fuddled and sleepy. Then Thomas lays his head on Dylan’s shoulder while he traces soft circles on his chest. He wants to say something meaningful, something that makes Dylan feel loved but he doesn’t know how. He feels kind of lost when Dylan’s around.
-I’ve really missed you, dear –Dylan says with an awful English accent and Thomas laughs half asleep.
-So did I, love –he answers, and then kisses him softly before turning around to finally get some sleep. He doesn’t notice how Dylan cuddles him after that.
They arrive in London a week later and after that they’re gonna be apart for another half a year. Everyone’s really tired at that point after a whole week of nonstop interviews and panels but Thomas and Dylan are in a great mood. They’ve been having a lot of fun together, making up for the time apart, the past and the future. They try to blend in but sometimes it feels impossible, because there’s someone watching, always. If it’s not a cast mate it’s a fan, and pretty much everyone around but there are thing that cannot be hidden. There are the touches and the gazes, and they can’t pretend. They don’t care though. No one knows about them and even if someone suspects, there isn’t any proof of the crime. With that thought they relax and enjoy: the job and their private parties beside that.
It all ends in London. They attend to the premiere, some interviews and a couple of parties. One of those days, Thomas stays with Dylan in his hotel and they talk all the night. It’s the last day of Dylan in London and they’re already feeling the pressure of farewell, but they don’t talk about it directly. They remember the first time they have ever been together, Dylan so much more than Thomas. It had been one lousy night when nobody wanted to drink but them, and they bought a whiskey bottle just for the two of them. They were drunk, singing some old song they both loved when they remembered “the almost kiss”. They’ve played chicken to see who didn’t pull out at going for a kiss on set and Thomas had won. After that, their sexual tension have only increased and suddenly, being drunk and happy, they were kissing, and after that they were having awkward and really loud sex.
They both agree it’s a great memory.
When Thomas wakes up, Dylan’s looking out through the window, holding his cup of coffee. He stretches and Dylan notices him, he gives him a warm smile. Thomas reciprocates, puts on his underwear and goes to him, grabbing the cup of tea in the little table right next to him. He can see sadness in Dylan’s eyes and suddenly he realizes how sad he is; things are gonna be over, they’re gonna be apart for some months and after the last movie it’ll be the same thing, but with nothing to bring them close again. At least not for obligation. He smiles at him and Dylan smiles back, giving him a brief kiss on the cheek then.
-I gotta pack.
They gather all of Dylan’s stuff, scattered all over the room and then they have breakfast. They’re quiet, uneasy, because it’s hard to say goodbye like that. Of course they can get together again; Thomas had been at the Teen Wolf set in the summer, and exactly like that he could jump on a plane and go see Dylan but he’s not sure it’s gonna work that way. Dylan’s sad, obviously. He looks tired and unhappy but still manages to joke around and Thomas laughs, because it’s impossible not to when Dylan’s on the mood. Dylan tries to scare the pain away but he feels like he’s going to break. He squeezes Thomas’ knee, kisses his neck and even grabs his crotch possessively, because he’s gonna miss him so bad and he wants him to know that. After breakfast they share a shower and when they get out, Dylan’s manager is knocking on the door.
-Time to go! –he announces.
Thomas goes with him, carrying one of his bags, feeling his heart shattered. It’s a funny sensation, because on the outside he’s smiling, acting like everything’s fine because the other way’s worse. Dylan’s smiling too, looking at him deeply as they talk about non important stuff and when they’re finally out of the hotel, he looks desperate, just like Thomas feels on the inside.
-Look, if you ever have the time… -he begins, Thomas nods.
-Yeah, anytime –answers. Dylan’s manager is looking at his watch.
-Dylan… -he nags.
-Just a minute, ok bud? I’m saying goodbye –Dylan tells him in a very rude way and the guy just shrugs before getting in the car- We can go somewhere else, if you don’t want to be around her…
-I know Dylan, we’ll make it work…
-Or I could come over…
-That’d be lovely.
They stare at each other and then embrace, needy and tight. They hold on as long as they can, but it’s late already and if they stay a little longer thing might actually get worse than that. They tighten the embrace a little more, almost painfully and then stop, looking directly into the other’s eyes. Dylan’s got a tear trapped in his long eyelashes and Thomas smiles.
-I love you too, you know? –he says without even thinking and Dylan smiles, pleased.
-I know, dickhead –he answers with a laugh- See you soon, ‘right?
-‘Right.
They both nod and then Dylan’s on the car, leaving London for now.