Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Inv is something.

They don't know what, exactly, they are. But they do exist. Somewhat. In an in-between. In a place that wasn't quite right in more ways than one. A place that is hell twice over, a personal suffering that never relented for a moment.

From the moment they woke up, they knew something.

They weren't normal. They'd done something heinous to wind up here. Constantly stuck, forever, to suffer, indefinitely. The color had been leeched out of their skin; the color had been baked into their pelt; their eyes were a horrifying amalgamation of that made scavengers flee; their arms were weak from the constant torrential rain they struggled against; their face wasn't quite right, splitting into sharp splinters and too-sharp teeth. The scavengers called them a bad omen. Whenever they arrived, the world shifted and bent and became a waking nightmare.

Their name is something.

It was in their head when they woke up. A gentle hushed whisper, a murmur of importance. 'Inv', the downpour of rain had whispered. 'Enot', it echoed when the miros birds came tumbling across the horizon. They hold onto it. It is one of the few things they have, the few things that they are allowed to keep. They etch it into the walls of dens to remind themself, to permanently engrave their name so that they would never lose it. They have so little. Inv, Enot, whichever of them is their real name matters little. They keep both of them.

They'd lost something.

Inv thinks it is a mental thing. A part of them that had been washed away by the constant torture. Perhaps it was their sanity, their reasoning, their ability to formulate logical conclusions. Perhaps it was their voice, long since lost when there were none to speak to. It now only serves as a crackling laugh, deranged and unhinged as they stare into their hell as it swallows them up over and over again. They cry when they are in pain, before it breaks into hysterics. The sound attracts predators, and Inv willingly opens their arms to let lizards or vultures or nacho cheese sweep them away.

With all of that, they knew that something was not right.

Even when they tried to leave, they were forced right back to where they started. They clawed their way into the depths over and over again, repenting for the actions of a life they didn't remember. They were discarded and turned away by their ilk over and over. They were killed over and over. They failed to find happiness over and over. Their most recent attempt had yielded results; and it was all thanks to the egg. Inv was not crafty, but they were used to performing the same thing over and over and over and over and-

They stuffed an egg into their stomach and dragged it into the depths with them. When the massive worms that patrolled the endless abyss came to drag them to where they should be permitted to leave reality behind (information that they had no source for), they had bared their teeth in a wicked grin. The egg had been hacked up and thrown with as much strength as they could muster. Slugcat and void worm were pulled into the resulting chaos, and Inv was sent back to the beginning again. This time, skipping the song and dance of rejection.

Instead they are shown a vision. Flickering images pass before their eyes. Time being slung backwards and parted. Clawed through with the ferocity of a caged animal. The golden light shattered and splintered, the cage now fractured and unable to keep its hold. With paws that didn't exist, Inv had reached out and pulled, as if they were climbing out of a pit. They feel, they remember, they understand something they shouldn't. Inv woke at the start again, drenched in rain and clinging furiously to rubble for dear life.

When they look at their paws, they flicker. Not quite here, not quite there. Inv felt different. Healthier. Better. Edged in blue and red, distorted and crackling. Inv did not give it much attention; it was only worth noting a few cycles ago when one of their spears had actually managed to pin a lizard to a wall. A strength that had been long since beaten out of them. They'd been in a state of shock, clutching a piece of rubble in their claws as the lizard snarled and snapped its jaws at them. 

After hundreds of cycles, something was finally going their way. A true reason to smile was upon them.

Inv woke up by being flushed out of their shelter, as they normally were. They grabbed their egg and tucked it under their arm. Today marked ten cycles since they'd begun to feel an oddity tugging at their core. A distant comfort that they'd long forgotten, a sensation that they were unable to explain. It strengthened them. It made them heartier. Sturdier. Powerful. It thrummed in their chest and it made their body flicker in and out of visible colors, but they quite liked it. Something new. Something that didn't hurt because damn it all, everything always hurt forever.

Steady feet begin to walk through a downpour of rain. They trudge onward, ears perked and raised to listen for threats. It had been two cycles since they'd finally managed to escape the facility grounds. Now, they began to head west (not that Inv quite knew what west was). Their trek is uneventful except for wormgrass and caramel lizards. The latter they greedily strangle and maul with their bare hands; they dare not waste a precious egg on such an easy kill. Inv couldn't help but find it ironic that they now thought of lizards as easy meals.

As they move onward, they note that their body is flickering more than before. The red and blue overtake translucent black and grey. Inv gripped the egg tighter in their claws, baring their teeth. A small shiver passed through them as if an echo had just been aligned to this cycle. The slugcat lowered their ears, scoffing and thumping their tail against the deteriorated ground. Their body stabilized slowly into the form that they recognized.

They feel the faintest tugging of a memory at the back of their mind. A whisper of who and what they were before it all. So close, but too far away to properly grasp. The feeling subsided after enough time was spent waiting for the fleeting sensation to pass. Inv grunted, glancing upward as a noodlefly mother and her children flew overhead. White and red eyes follow the creatures as they dance through the air without a care. Inv flicked their ears. Noodleflies weren't filling for them. They'd find more suitable food for their next hibernation cycle.

Inv walked and walked and trudged through muck and mud. It clung to their black skin and fur, threatening to weigh them down. When jungle leeches attempt to latch onto them, they sink their too-sharp teeth into yellow skin and bite until the wriggling stops. When squidcada attempt to knock them off poles, they grapple them and use the momentum to slam them into the ground. It feels good to finally have a way to get back at all their troubles. It soothed something in their aching heart, something that still eluded them.

The slugcat made their way to the top of the building they'd been scrambling through. It was a beautiful view of the vastness of the nature before them. If they turned, they could see the retaining wall they'd crossed two cycles ago. If they turned to where the sun peeked through the clouds now that the rain had lessened, they could see a vast forest and marsh of plant life. A large tree in particular caught their eye. It tugged at a part of their mind, and they squinted. It was as if they'd forgotten something. Perhaps it was from their life before?

Inv slid down the pole and landed in the muck below. Whoever they were before they had been damned to that hell they'd been through was long gone. Whoever they were (a whisper in their mind attempted to supply a name, which they forced away) was gone. It was Inv, or Enot, that was in their place. Whatever they'd been before was gone. They don't feel the same as they had before. Something is different. The very way they feel and sense the world is enhanced. If they squint, edges are outlined in gold. If they close their eyes, the world opens itself in a sprawling web of lights and ripples.

Inv speared a squidcada when it flew too close to them. Absently they stuffed the plump kill into their mouth, chewing on it as they made their way deeper into the outer expanse. Inv didn't want or need answers, but they did not want to risk lapsing back into that purgatory if they did not keep moving. The large tree, now that they knew where it was located, was an excellent beacon for navigation. If they found answers along the way, they supposed it wouldn't be too terrible... so long as those answers were what they wanted to hear.

Chapter Text

"Sooooo," the Monk drawled out as they fell into step next to Inv. "What're you doing all the way out here. Did you get separated from the colony too, just like me?"

Inv had been traveling with the yellow slugcat for less than a cycle, and already a part of them was wondering if they'd truly managed to escape purgatory. This slugcat never stopped talking. Was it because they were young? Naive? Bored? Lonely? Inv didn't know, didn't care, and they struggled to keep their face from drifting into irritation.

"uh, no. ive never been in a colony before," Inv answered after a moment. The Monk almost recoiled away at the sound of their voice. Broken, laced over with distorted crackles and snaps as if the air itself rejected to carry their words. They did not speak often (the only times they had spoken had been in their desperation to escape their personal hell by finding love), and so they had a cemented distaste for how their words were wrong in every sense.

The Monk hid their discomfort behind a smile. "Ah, well, don't worry. I'm sure the colony is gonna love you. We just had some new family join, too!" The Monk gestured vaguely with an arm to the vast wastes of swamp before them. The two slugcats gripped onto vines to begin descending downward. "I can tell you about them, if that'll make you more comfortable."

Inv twitched their ears briefly. "nah. i dont need to kno. ill figure it out as i go." They didn't have any plans to attempt to join other members of their kind; if they were even considered close to their species anymore. Inv knew that they were wrong, and that clawing their way out of purgatory had left its mark on them. They hold their egg closer to their chest, the gentle hum of energy soothing a brief bout of nerves. "thx tho."

Silence did not last long, because the Monk was more chatty than anyone Inv remembered meeting. When they had been in their hell, the purple slugcat had been the most talkative. Complaining about events of the long past, about deadlines and the absurdity of the situation. It was the closest that Inv had ever gotten to having anyone remotely close to understanding their situation, and then they'd gotten mauled and absorbed by a daddy long legs.

"Does your name have a meaning to it?" Monk asked, brushing aside some foliage and clambering over a broken pipe. "I'm the Monk, because-"

weak of body but strong in spirit. in tune with the mysteries of the world and empathetic to its creatures, your journey will be a significantly more peaceful one-

"-I'm balanced with my karma, and I have a way of understanding stuff. Like, the karma gates that make up all those walls! I can pass through them usually whenever I want, because I'm enlightened or something. I'm not really sure how it works," the Monk admitted as they rubbed the back of their head with a paw. "So, does your name have a meaning? I don't think anyone in the colony has a name that isn't related to their proficiency."

Inv did not have an answer for that. They did not know where their name came from, or if it had a meaning. They woke up with it, and held onto it throughout their torture. Their name and the egg were the only two constants that they'd ever had.

"no, not that i kno of," Inv answered after a moment of hesitation. "centipede over dere. u hungry or can i hav it?" They lowered their body into the muck, glancing over at the Monk. The yellow slugcat wasn't happy about carnivorous tendencies, but had quickly learned that Inv's metabolism meant that if they chose to try and eat only plants, then the both of them would be starving every cycle. And, unlike every other slugcat, Inv could not starve and make it through the next cycle.

Perhaps now it would be different, now that they were free. When the Monk shook their head to give Inv the go-ahead, they bared their teeth. They hurled across the gap in a blur of black and red and blue. It was a decent sized centipede; lethal if it managed to grab them. Inv grappled the centipede with their free hand, and began biting into carapace with their teeth. Legs skuttled beneath them, writhing as the faint hum of electricity gave away. Inv wasted no time in consuming their kill.

"You're very... efficient," the Monk noted as they caught up to Inv, ears pressed against their temples. "My sibling, Survivor, they're pretty good at hunting. Not the best in the colony, but they're still really good. I think between you, Survivor, and Gourmand, we won't have any food issues ever again!"

Inv scoffed at that, wiping their mouth clean as they rose back to their feet. "mm. if u say so." They raised their free paw and held it against their forehead to help block out the sunlight that was blasting them in their eyes. "it dis way. should make it before next rain comes."

The trip was uneventful for the most part. An overgrown centipede almost dropped on them both. It had warranted the use of an egg, which utterly obliterated the insect and scattered its pieces across the landscape. The Monk had grimaced; ungrateful, Inv bitterly thought. Not everyone had karma flowers growing out of their damn body and didn't have to worry about getting sent to turbo hell if they died. They kept it to themself, adding it to the bubbling jar of irritation that had been building ever since they woke up drenched in water in the memory crypts.

"That's great. I'm sure Survivor and Gourmand are worried about me. I'm normally not gone for this long." Monk murmured, falling behind Inv and following the larger slugcat. "I mean, I've been away for longer than this, but that was planned. I didn't mean to get washed out to the retaining wall thing again."

Inv wondered what it was like to be missed. It was a concept that they understood in theory, but not in practice. Not once had they been missed before, unless it was their predators missing the days where they blundered right into their waiting jaws. Death and torture missed them, obviously, but those were concepts. Not real entities. If they were, then Inv was going to deliver them an egg to the face. Just as they had the void worm. Thinking about it made their paws flicker in hues of red and blue, and they stopped walking to focus.

"Inv?" The Monk called uncertainly, putting a paw on their shoulder.

Inv dusted themself off, shaking away their brief lapse of resolve. They barely bit back their reflexes to keep themself from striking the yellow slugcat. Blue and white and red eyes stared down at peaceful and unknowing black ones. They were not the same. Whatever Inv was had long since stopped being a slugcat. Not planned. Not missed. They kept their face turned away from the Monk; pulling their lips back into a snarl barely helped. Barely. Not fair. Not right.

Why didn't they get to have a family missing them:? Why didn't they get to have a peaceful life of foraging and frolicking? Inv was partially glad that they'd used their egg this cycle already. They were fairly certain their clenched fist would have shattered the shell by this point. They forced the tension to leave their shoulders as they finally glanced back at the Monk.

"nothin. its nothin."

Chapter Text

There was nothing to be thankful for. Between the horror and hell that they were put through, there was zero thankfulness to be found within their body. Spite, perhaps. Envy of things that they didn't truly know. It boiled under their skin, curling, thick enough to cut circulation.

'Thanks, Andrew.'

It was stuck in their head, just as their name was. Inv did not know nor understand the meaning. They may have been created with the Mark of Communication, but it did not permit them to understand absolutely everything. The very nature of their existence was unnatural. Nothing like them existed before or would ever again. Purgatory. Doomed to suffer, and to what end?

'Thanks, Andrew.'

There were zero positives in their life. None. They died, they suffered, they woke up again. Washed out of a shelter, again, and again. Over, and over. Doomed. There was no end in sight, nothing. There was no guide, there was no reason that they were made aware of. It was their purpose to exist and suffer.

'Thanks, Andrew.'

Inv took to their vague dreams early on as an escape. They dreamt of the time that they were rejected from. They tried to make themself feel better by deeming themself the guardian of the truth through their sacrifice. An eternal suffering that would not end. A suffering that no one would ever notice or know of. Inv certainly didn't.

'Thanks, Andrew.'

Whenever it echoed in their head, it made them want to scream. They would, if they were not worried about attracting predators they weren't equipped to deal with. When they collapsed in shelters, they screamed. Eventually, over countless cycles and repetitions of suffering and rejection, they had begun to laugh rather than cry. Not joyous in the slightest.

'Thanks-'

Inv did not know what they were to do. It was hopeless. What point was there to continue? Exhausted, starving. bones tingling with phantom pains. What point would there be to crying, to screaming, to fitful writhing? Whatever had happened to put them here certainly did not care for them. Fate was cruel. It carved into them, it tore into what little they had initially.

'-Andrew.'

They scream at the scavengers. When their body is filled with spears, they scream until their body hits the dirt. They scream at the miros vultures that swoop down and cut them clean in half. They scream, they cry, they wail; for it is the only method they have of venting the built-up pain that lingered between not only their cycles of death, but their cycles of rebirth as well.

What is there for them to thank? Nothing ever helped them. It was just them. Inv. They were hopeless and alone, forever stuck to wander the wastes and die and die and die. At times they willingly let the worm grass consume them rather than even making an attempt to escape. It didn't matter. It didn't matter. Nothing did. Nothing would. They were nothing to everyone.

'Thanks, Andrew.'

It appeared in their head less now. Especially after the most recent go-around of the same song and dance. It was a whisper. Drowned out by a growing static in their head. They thanked no one but themself; and really, that only went as far as they could throw a rock. Not far at all. The rare times it passed through their mind, it is so faint that ignoring it is easier. Other whispers in their mind have begun to grow faint as well. Protector of the true timeline, the strongest tasked with the greatest foe; it faded. They were Inv. Discarded, forgotten, locked away for reasons unknown.

When Inv had begun to regain their strength, the thoughts had almost faded entirely. It had been a relieving sensation. No longer were they burdened with thoughts that had haunted them since they had arrived. Inv was all too eager to toss it away; the only thing permitted to stay was their name. It was all they had other than the egg. If they were to thank anything, they would be thanking the egg. Not themself. Not anyone else. Perhaps in due time, they could find a means to feel as if they could be thankful to themself. For now? Faded dreams buzzed with irritation. Mental claws hooked and pulled worthless ideology away, smashing it to pieces.

There would be no gratitude expressed without good reason. Whomever had doomed them to purgatory would feel Inv's newfound wrath. Meta-cycles of suffering would be paid in full, and they fully intended to collect.

"thx, andrew," Inv hissed under their breath in their sleep, tone unmistakably hostile. The Monk stirred briefly, looking over at the dark slugcat. A worried expression creased their features, but they settled back into slumber.