Chapter Text
Mr. Ajax Volkov,
Congratulations!
Those associated with the Yun-Han Music Troupe have secretly attended many shows within the past few months, scoping out up-and-coming talent. Due to your skill level, you have been chosen by the staff members to have the opportunity to play with Liyue’s most esteemed musical talents.
You are hereby invited to perform with the Liyue Orchestra on Sunday, August 13th at 7:00 P.M. The venue will be the Jade Opera House. You are expected to arrive at least two hours before the performance’s start time so as to allow for plenty of time to warm up. You are expected to use your own transportation. Dinner will be provided after the conclusion of the show.
In the coming weeks, you will be attending multiple rehearsals at this venue. You will also be attending fitting sessions so as to find you proper attire for the performance. One of our staff members will be in contact with you through phone call to discuss further details and to acquire your email address to allow for further correspondence. Please be certain to check your email inbox often, as these will give you the start times and dates of the rehearsals and fitting sessions, as well as any other important information.
If you do not wish to accept this opportunity, please call our office at (XXX) XXX-XXXX.
Sincerely,
Ms. Yelan Yansheng
Communications Chair
Yun-Han Music Troupe
Ajax reads over the letter once, twice, and a third time just for good measure. He stumbles into Xinyan’s bedroom with hardly a knock and wordlessly hands the letter to her to read. After a few moments, she stares at him, eyes sparkling with delight. He finally brightens up into a wide smile.
“Ajax!” she exclaims. She jumps out of bed and takes his hands in hers. The both of them jump up and down excitedly, squealing. She finally hugs him, nearly knocking him over. “Gods, I’m so happy for you! This is such a good opportunity!”
Laughing, Ajax steadies himself and hugs her back. “It is, but I’m a little confused as to why they’re inviting me to perform with an orchestra? I play electric guitar. Maybe they’re confused and got the wrong person?”
Xinyan lets go and playfully slaps him. “Ajax, that letter has your name on it and it was sent to our address. I don’t think it’s a mistake. Remember last year, when I was scouted by the Mondstadt Ministry of Music? I got to perform with the idol Barbara, and people recognize me everywhere since her reach is huge. Now it’s your turn. This could be your big break!”
Ajax rubs the back of his neck. “Ah, maybe…I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, Xinyan. I’m just going with the flow.”
“Maybe this will help you get out there in the world, though. If the Yun-Han Music Troupe has noticed your talent, then bigger things await you!” She grins. “You should let your family know the good news!”
Nodding, Ajax retreats to his room. Internally, he grimaces.
Telling my family…well, maybe Mother and Father don’t have to know. I’ll just video chat with Tonia, if she’s available.
He pulls out his phone, frowning at the texture of the screen’s crack against his thumb as he texts her.
> hey princess, up for a chat?
The reply is almost immediate.
> Always!!
> yay
> get teucer and anthon on the line too
> it’s exciting i promise
> lmk when you’re set up
> You talk too fast
> I’ll be ready in 5
Ajax smiles and pulls out his laptop, logging in and opening his video chat application. He can imagine it now, Tonia rounding up her younger brothers and getting her tablet ready, with all the glittery stickers on its lilac case. Sure enough, before five minutes have even passed, his whole laptop screen turns bright with the notification that he’s receiving a call. He accepts, and soon the faces of his younger siblings appear.
“Ajax!” they cry in unison.
His heart melts, and instantly he feels like he’s home again.
“There you are, my princess and princes!” He grins. “Your loyal knight has come to examine your conditions! Has your ministry of education been treating you well?”
They break into fits of giggles before Tonia replies, “Why, yes, loyal vanguard! His Illustrious Highness Anthon has been receiving top marks, and Their Imperial Majesties the Tsar and Tsaritsa of the Volkov Household are most pleased and impressed. I have been dutiful in upkeep of the household, uh…duties, and my skill within the sector of piano-playing has been forthright.”
“Oh? And what of the youngest?”
Tonia drops the act. “Papa yelled at him for eating a popsicle before dinnertime.”
Teucer pouts, looking away. "It's hot."
Ajax sighs. "Now, now, Teucer, you know better than that. You'll ruin your appetite. Look at your big brother - it's way hotter here in Liyue than it is in Snezhnaya, especially during the summertime. If I can handle it, so can you."
"But you're an adult!" Teucer cries.
"Well, I…” Ajax stops himself. A part of him wants to say that he went through worse around Teucer’s age, but then he realizes he certainly doesn’t want to sound like his own father and downplay Teucer’s troubles. Instead, he says, “That’s a fair point. If you three were here in Liyue, I’d just feed you popsicles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
“Don’t say that, Ajax, or Teucer will start begging to come live with you again!” Tonia exclaims.
“I want to know what the surprise is!” Anthon cuts in.
“Surprise! Surprise!” Teucer chants.
“Hey, I never said it was a surprise!” Ajax laughs. “It’s just some exciting news!”
“Are you coming back home forever?” Teucer asks excitedly.
Ajax’s heart twists. “No, it’s…it’s not that.”
Teucer visibly deflates, which only makes his chest hurt more. He puts on a big smile and continues, “Hey, chin up. I’ll be there for the holidays, okay? Just like always!”
Their pouts prove that they aren’t too comforted by it.
It really isn’t the same for them without me there.
He keeps his smile plastered on and says, “Anyways, you remember the band I’m in with Xinyan, right? You’ve seen recordings of our shows.”
The three siblings nod eagerly. Ajax continues, “Well, the top music elite of Liyue were studying all sorts of musical talent recently, and today I received a letter from them.” He waves it around. “They’ve invited me to perform with the Liyue Orchestra!”
Tonia’s eyes start shining as she squeals. “Really?! That’s awesome, Ajax!”
“What’s an orchestra?” Teucer questions.
“It’s like a bunch of big famous musical people in one area playing a bunch of instruments,” Ajax explains.
“Will you be doing all your cool moves on stage?” Anthon asks.
Ajax flushes pink. “Ah, I don’t know about that. They’re more formal. They don’t like all the active rock n’ roll stuff.”
“Sort of like Mama and Papa,” Tonia snickers.
“Yes, exactly.”
“So will you be playing piano with them?” she then inquires.
“I’m not sure. I’m supposed to be hearing from them soon about more details, and rehearsals…”
A familiar voice calls out from the background, “Who are you kids talking to?”
Oh no.
“We’re talking to Ajax, Mama!” Teucer replies. “He’s going to play music with famous people!”
Ajax rubs his wrist. Great.
“Oh!” His mother comes into frame, gray sprouting amidst her auburn hair and all sorts of wrinkles and moles across her face. “I’m sure he can tell me all about it.” She takes the tablet, much to Tonia’s protest, and leaves the room.
“Hello, mother,” Ajax greets dryly.
His mother sits at the dining room table, dark blue eyes sharp. “Giving all your news to your siblings instead of your own parents?”
He keeps rubbing his wrist, looking away, focusing on the sound his skin makes.
There’s a disapproving tut. “What is this music thing all about? You’re still focused on that?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.” He bites the inside of his cheek before meeting her gaze. “The Liyue Orchestra has invited me to perform with them because they think I’m talented.”
“Hm, that’s nice of them. And how exactly will you be behaving there? I hope you won’t be making a fool of yourself on stage. I’m sure you’ll be asked to take out those piercings and cover up your tattoos.”
“No, ma, I’m going to be putting on a strip show for the entirety of Liyue,” he barks out sarcastically. “Obviously I’m going to look presentable for them.”
“Oh, so you can look nice for this orchestra, but when your parents ask you to-”
“Sending me to a goddamn military school at fourteen doesn’t exactly make me fond of doing what you say.”
The grandfather clock behind his mother becomes incessantly loud in the silence that follows. She stares at him icily. He stares back, frowning, digging his nails into his skin. He tries to push down the memories of that school - the monochrome halls, the marching of boots across stone floors, the dry and bland food that may as well have just been cardboard, how many times he had to act out, how many bones broke under his fists and how much blood was on his hands before he was finally dismissed much to his parents’ chagrin. He wishes he could’ve never looked back, but-
My siblings need me. I love them.
His mother lets out a hefty sigh. “I still think that girlfriend of yours is a bad influence.”
Ajax groans. “For the last time, ma, she’s not my girlfriend. Just my housemate and bandmate. In fact, she has a girlfriend of her own. She’s part of the Yun-Han Opera Troupe, a subsect of the music troupe. She’s incredibly famous and talented.”
A scoff. “Maybe she should raise her standards.”
“Maybe you should lower yours!”
“I believe most people’s standards involve not liking thugs covered in piercings and tattoos.”
“Oh, so I’m a thug now? What a wonderful way to describe your own son. You know, if I’m such a failure, why don’t you focus on your other sons? Stop caring so much about what I do with my life and accept that I’m not going to be the perfect prince you wanted! I’m obviously never going to be worth anything to you, so stop wasting your effort!”
His mother grimaces. “Ajax, it’s because we love you that we’re trying to push you to be a better person. That military school was supposed to help you and straighten you out.”
“Well, it didn’t. What a surprise that trying to force a little boy to fall into line and comply with a strict regime only makes him want to push back and act out more.”
“Maybe college would’ve helped?”
Ajax laughs sharply. “Wasn’t it you who discouraged me from going because I’d never get a degree looking like this?” He gestures at himself. “Stop acting like you care. Give Tonia back her tablet. I’m done with you.”
“If I didn’t care, Ajax, then I would have disowned you.”
“Maybe you should have.” He ends the call there, slamming his laptop screen down. He grabs his pillow and shoves his face into it before screaming as wildly as he can. Once his lungs give out, he flops onto his bed face-first.
There’s a pause before he hears gentle creaking from the room next door and the pad of bare feet on the hard floor. His doorknob turns, and the door opens just a bit.
“Knock knock,” Xinyan says quietly, fist knocking on the doorframe playfully. She enters the room. “Things not go so well?”
“Mm-mm.” Ajax shakes his head, not lifting it from the pillow.
“Want a hug?”
“Mm-mm.”
“Want me to get us some donuts?”
“Mhm.”
“Okay. I’ll be back soon.”
She doesn’t fully shut the door behind her, but it’s closed enough for privacy’s sake. Ajax listens to the sound of her grabbing her purse and keys, and then the door shutting as she leaves. He lays there for a while until his phone chimes. Barely even getting up from the bed, he crawls over to his bedside table and picks up his phone. It’s a text from Tonia.
> Are you okay?
He stares at it for a bit, typing out answers before deleting them.
> same stuff she always does not a b|
> |
> not really bu|
> |
> yeah just tell teucer the usual
He silences his phone and sets it down before flopping back down, staring at the off-white ceiling. Running his hands through his hair, he’s suddenly all too aware of the things wrong about him. All of his shirts have graphic designs and text, all of his jeans have holes in them, and the nicest shoes he owns are a pair of broken-in sneakers. His favorite piercing feels like a stubborn weight on his tongue the size of a grape. The mop of hair on his head feels too long, too shaggy, too greasy. He picks at his black painted nails to quell the urge to smash something.
He doesn’t need his phone screen getting even more broken.
Patting his hand around the bed, he searches for his narwhal plushie and hugs it close to his chest. It’s the only one he has left, after his parents threw away the rest when he was fourteen, claiming that he was too old for them. He strokes its velvety surface, taking in a breath with each pet. His eyes dart around his room, at the posters lining the walls, shelves full of “childish” action figures and a few trophies, the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling, a clay sculpture that Teucer made in art class and gave to him, anything so that he doesn’t have to think about his own worthlessness.
He tosses his plushie in the air and catches it. “What do you think, my celestial voyager? Am I as bad as she says?”
As expected, it does not answer.
“Oh, well. What’s done is done, right?” He sits up, still clutching the plushie tightly. “Her opinions won’t change, and I don’t think I will, either. Someone like me will never be enough for her.” He thinks about the letter and chews his lip. “Think I’ll be enough for them, too? I’ve got big shoes to fill, don’t I?” Standing up, he wraps a fuzzy blanket patterned with foxes around himself and pads over to the living room. He flops onto the couch and turns on the television, not really caring about what’s actually playing.
Just some noise will do me some good.
He isn’t sure how long he spends there, pretending like the world around him doesn’t exist. He’s only brought back to Earth by Xinyan returning home, the bag of donuts crinkling in her hand. She kicks off her shoes and heads over to him.
“Oh, it’s a narwhal kind of day?” she questions. “Do you want me to bring out the crayons after the donuts?”
Ajax shakes his head. “No, it’s not that severe. I think some food will help. Thank you.”
Xinyan nods, then sings, “I got your favorite,” as she goes to the kitchen counter and starts setting everything up. Ajax heads to her side, blanket still draped around his shoulders and narwhal still in hand. Xinyan hands him apple juice and two jelly-filled donuts before sitting across from him with her own chocolate sprinkle donuts. She studies his hands as he eats.
“Your nail polish is chipping off,” she tuts. “Want a little spa day after this? We can get you a whole new color.”
He agrees around a mouthful of donut. She laughs, snorting. It’s become one of his favorite sounds, despite how easy it is to make happen. She does most of the talking as they eat. He’s content to listen this time around. She chatters on about how the other customers there gave her strange looks, how the cashier recognized her from the show she did in Mondstadt, and speaking of shows-
“How about we tell Yoimiya and Thoma about the good news?” she suggests.
Once they finish eating and clean up, Xinyan gathers her nail supplies and a few towels from the bathroom. Ajax sets up his phone for a video chat with Yoimiya and Thoma after he gains their approval. It isn't long before they pick up.
"Yo," Ajax greets.
"Hi!" Yoimiya sings, drawing out the vowel. "Whatcha doin'?"
"Xinyan's about to give me a spa day," Ajax responds. He makes his whale wave. "My little star sailor is here too."
"It's one of those days?" Thoma questions. "What happened?"
Ajax sighs. "I got a letter from the music troupe inviting me to perform with the Liyue Orchestra."
"Ajax!" Yoimiya cries. "That's awesome!"
Thoma clues in on what is not stated. "And your family doesn't like it?"
"No," Ajax says as Xinyan returns with the nail supplies. "My mother and I had an argument, and I'm sure I'll have all manner of missed calls from my father when he gets home from work and she tells him about it." His throat threatens to tighten up.
"Ohh, Ajax, I'm sorry." Yoimiya's eyes are fraught with concern. "I wish I could be there to hug you!"
"I'll see you at our next gig, though," Ajax points out.
“Yeah, but I want to hug you right now!”
"Hey, how about we play a game tonight?" Thoma suggests. "Maybe some time with all of us together will help you a bit. We're here to support you."
"Yeah!" Yoimiya exclaims. "What day is the performance? We'll be there, too!"
"August 13th," Ajax says as Xinyan gently rubs off his remaining nail polish with remover. He shudders at the cool feeling.
"Ooh, so you have a few months to rehearse and prepare," Yoimiya remarks. "I'm so happy for you, Ajax!"
"I'm kinda surprised they're having an electric guitar player join an orchestra, though," Thoma muses.
"Me too," Ajax agrees. "Maybe they'll have me play something else? I do know piano and violin. I guess I'll find out soon enough though."
They sit there, talking away, for as long as it takes for Ajax's to be done. He goes for a space theme on one hand and ocean theme on the other, with his ring finger acting as an accent nail. The polish shimmers like stars in the sunlight. Once they're dry, they move to the living room to play video games until dinnertime. Ajax practically collapses as soon as the call ends, groaning loudly.
"You feel like cooking?" Xinyan asks, elbowing him.
"Mm-mm."
"Want pizza?"
Ajax's voice is muffled against the pillow, but he says, "Do you even have to ask?"
Xinyan laughs. "You want your usual?"
Ajax flips over, his plushie still tight to his chest. "I think I'll skip the anchovies today."
"Good, because those things stink up the whole apartment."
"Not as stinky as you." Ajax sticks his tongue out.
"Have you even smelled yourself when you get back from the gym? You smell like a sweaty ballsack."
"How would you even know what a sweaty ballsack smells like?"
"I just know, and it smells like swamp. Ass.” She kicks him twice for emphasis. He grabs her foot and brings it up to his mouth. She screeches and wrenches herself away. "Gross!"
"Payback for insulting my anchovies and my natural body odor."
"Your idea of payback is trying to lick my foot?"
"I can do worse."
“Worse like your so-called natural body odor?” She mocks his voice as she says it.
“Hey, it’s proven that testosterone makes you smell. It’s like musk.”
“And you learned that where? The university of penisology with a master’s in being gay? Also, never say the word musk again, ew.”
“Musk.”
“Stop.”
“When you go to bed tonight, I’m going to whisper the word musk in your ear.”
“I’ll return the favor with the word moist.”
Ajax fake-gags, and Xinyan cackles as she finally leaves to order the pizza. It’s an evening full of banter from then on, slowing down after dinner as they watch television together. The room is painted orange as the sun slowly dips below the horizon. Up the moon comes, drenching the darkened room in milk. It’s then that they retire to their bedrooms. Checking his phone, Ajax finds several missed calls and voicemails from his parents.
Of course, he thinks. Ignoring them, he climbs into bed and scrolls through social media for a while. There’s pictures of Yoimiya with her father, Thoma drinking boba with Ayato and Ayaka, Yun Jin receiving flowers at her latest performance, Yanfei asleep atop one of her books, Amber preparing to go camping, Kaveh visiting an art museum (with a novel-length explanation of each piece below the pictures), Candace and Dehya showing off their matching henna, Lyney and Lynette doing a magic trick at a local hospital, the usual advertisements from local restaurants and news around Liyue…
He decides to take a look on the music troupe’s page and follows it, just in case he finds any further information on his invitation there. So far, there’s nothing. He heaves a sigh and plugs in his headphones, deciding to blast music loud enough to hopefully drown out the thoughts in his skull.
Trying desperately not to think about how everyone else he knows has loving partners, loving family, careers and goals, a whole life set for them, and he is still here. Stuck in the snow that threatens to swallow him whole. Drowning in his own self-pity and burning his life away in a blaze of glory so that the clock can not catch up to him. And perhaps if he sleeps enough, he will never have to see the sun, and can only have the moon bear witness to his failures, a secret between the two of them.
When he finally decides he’s had enough, he sets his phone down, goes through his nightly hygiene routine, turns on his nightlight, and bundles up in his sheets.
It’s far earlier in the morning than he likes to awaken when his phone rings. He picks it up with some struggle, drowsily answering it without even looking at who is calling.
“Hello?” he mumbles, voice cracking.
“Hello, may I speak to Ajax Volkov?” The voice is unfamiliar and feminine.
He scrambles up in bed at that. “Yes, this is he.”
“Good morning, Ajax. How are you today?”
“Uh…I just woke up.”
There’s laughter on the other end. “Well, hopefully this will be a nice start to your day. My name is Keqing and I’m reaching out to you about your invitation to perform with the Liyue Orchestra. Were you still interested in this opportunity?”
“Of course!” His voice cracks again, and he cringes. “It’s an honor to be able to perform with you, though I had a question.”
“Of course, you may ask away.”
“So…” Ajax picked at his knee. “What instrument am I playing?”
Keqing sounds confused. “I believe the director specifically requested your electric guitar, as that’s why she sent a letter to you.”
“Really? In an orchestra?”
“The director, eccentric as she is, prides herself on introducing new and wonderful music to Liyue through interesting means. She may make her final decision after hearing you play with the others, so if you have any other musical talent, please be sure to inform her. As of right now, only be prepared with your current instrument.”
“I see. Thank you.” This director certainly sounds…interesting. I wonder who she is.
“Now then, for the more pertinent information regarding your performance. I will need your email address in order to send you the upcoming scheduled dates for rehearsals, outfit fittings, and other related sessions.”
“Yeah, it’s monoceroscaeli720.”
“Noted. I’ll send you an attachment with the dates you need to remember. There should be an option to add them directly to your calendar from the email. The first session will be this coming Thursday, five days from now. This will be less of a rehearsal and more of a way to get to know each other and ensure the music meshes well. That will be at five o’clock in the evening within the opera house, and dinner will be provided. Are there any other questions you have at this time?”
“No, ma’am.” He hears a ping on his phone and notices the email notification. “Ah, looks like I got the email just fine.”
“Wonderful. That’s all the information I have for you. We look forward to seeing you, Ajax. Have a pleasant day.”
She hangs up, and Ajax is left a ruffled mess, tangled in his bedsheets. He rubs the crust from his eyes to skim the email, opting to go ahead and add the dates to his calendar and then look over it later. He sets his phone back on his bedside table and collapses back down, running a hand over his face.
So this is it.
The biggest opportunity I’ve ever had is staring me right in the face, and I just know I’m going to blow it somehow.
But maybe…maybe I won’t, this time. Keqing said that the director is eccentric, and she must’ve chosen me for a reason…
Ahh, it’s too early for this.
With that, he curls back up into a ball and falls into slumber.