Chapter Text
It was a quiet day in the office. Not that it's normal every day or anything but it's usually when there are not enough sinners hungry for revenge on Earth. Loona was on her hellphone, scrolling through Sinstagram. While Moxxie and Millie were sitting on the couch, Moxxie reading 'The Rage of Virgins' by Edible Whoreson, and Millie doing a crossword puzzle book. As for Blitz... he was somewhere else.
As Loona's eyes remained locked on the hellphone screen, the door opened and footsteps were heard. It continued right up to the front of the reception desk.
"Uh, excuse me." the voice said.
Loona looked up and there was a blue-skinned sinner with long hair, a lava lump-like belly, and short clothes.
"I'm here to order a hit on someone in the camp."
Loona sighed a bit and replied in a tired tone: "'Kay, just tell us who you want dead and we will kill that person as soon as possible."
The sinner got a bit nervous and awkwardly replied: "Well, about that..."
Loona raises her right eyebrow at him: "Yeah?"
The sinner remained quiet for a while, trying to find a way to spit it out. Loona, frustrated at him for lack of response, bang the desk with her fist and demanded: "For fuck sake, what's it?!?! Just spit it out!"
The sinner finally replied in a rushed way: "I-I-I don't know who killed me!?!?"
Loona growled at that and said to him: "So you want us to kill someone even though you don't know who killed you? Every fucking client that we had always knew who they want to kill. You're an exception, and not in a good way. Just fuck off and don't waste our time. Come back when you finally decided WHO you want to kill. Anything—"
"Loona, Loona," Moxxie stepped in, with Millie following closely behind him. Moxxie raised his hand at Loona to have her be quiet. Then he continued: "Is this how we treat our clients, Loona?"
Loona was silent in response, staring at him.
So Moxxie continued: "It's been a quiet couple of days since our last client came in for a target on Earth. We can't earn money if we continue to scare off clients, and without clients, we would be broke and unable to afford bills and rent. And do you remember the 'talk' that Blitz gave to you about being a people-person? Would be a shame if he found out that you scare off a client again, hm?" Moxxie grinned at Loona.
Loona growled and replied: "Whatever, fatass. You can talk to the client. I'm done." Loona then returned to her hellphone.
Moxxie then turns his attention to the sinner and asks him: "So, if you don't know WHO killed you, then do you remember HOW and WHERE you died?"
The sinner had thought about it and then replied: "Well, I was in a summer camp called Camp I Wanna Cu— I-I mean, Camp Ivannakummore. The last thing that I remembered before dying was that I was lying in the boat after eating what someone described as magic mushrooms. When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in hell, more specifically the town of Anal-Columbia River about northwest of this city. That's about it."
"Camp Ivannakummore?" Millie said with curiosity and a bit of questioning. "That's a weird name for a camp. It sounds like..." Millie then paused and blushed, realizing how dirty it sounded. Millie then refocused and continued: "That would require us to investigate this case. What should we do, Mox?"
"That's a good question, Mills," Moxxie rubs his chin with his fingers, pondering on it. "Maybe, I should ask Blitz, but he's not here today, so—"
All of a sudden, the door burst open and Blitz came in, looking frustrated. Moxxie was surprised at that. "Well, that's convenient."
Moxxie got up and went to Blitz.
"Ah, sir. We have a client today. And we almost lost him because of—"
"Uh, shut the fuck up, Moxxie." Blitz cut Moxxie off before he could finish his sentence. Blitz then stopped, took a couple of deep breaths, and, after feeling calm enough, continued: "'Kay, I'm here to inform everyone here that I'll go on a personal leave. The reason is that I'm looking for my twin sister. She was in rehab for a long time. I just learned that she left rehab months ago without FUCKING telling me, her twin brother. So I'm going to take time off to find her and reconnect with her. Hopefully, if I do find her and bring her back, (turning to Loona and referring to her) you get to meet your adoptive aunt for the first time. Therefore, (turning to Moxxie and referring to him) I'm gonna put you in charge temporarily. You can handle all cases."
Moxxie, shocked a bit by what Blitz told him, asked him: "Really sir? I'm honoured but I have a client who wants to kill someone but doesn't know who killed him. What's your advice, sir?"
"Just figure it out yourself, Moxxie." Blitz sighed a bit as he headed towards the door. "You're in charge, so you do what seems to be the best way possible in this case."
Millie then spoke up, asking Blitz: "Blitz, are you looking for your twin sister because you didn't realize that Stolas could—"
Blitz, frustrated, turn around and told Moxxie and Millie: "Christ on the stick, M&M, if you don't stop fucking pissing me off in NEGATIVE 3 seconds..."
Moxxie replied with a seemingly positive face: "You GOT IT, sir! We can handle this."
Blitz went silent for a while, before nodding his head at Moxxie and Millie, indicating his approval. Blitz then left the room.
Moxxie's face then turns to worrisome. Same with Millie's.
"Wow, this whole Stolas thing has got to Blitz lately, eh Mox?" Millie commented to Moxxie.
"Yeah, I noticed that, too. Well, maybe it's for the best that Blitz uses his time to shift his focus away from Stolas to something else, just for a while."
Moxxie then turns his attention to the sinner and tells him: "We'll take the case! And I'll be handling this investigation, personally."
Millie was a bit concerned and hesitant at what Blitz had just done. "Honey, are you sure? I mean, it's our first time without Blitz."
Moxxie then postured himself to look confident and replied: "Millie, honey, please. Blitz put me in charge because he trusted me. I know how big this responsibility is. I won't let him down."
Millie, still a bit concerned, stated: "I'm just concerned that... Well, you can be a tiny little bit clumsy and have some insecurities. I mean, I don't want you to feel crushed about a mistake, big or small."
Moxxie was a bit taken aback by what Millie said but maintained his confidence: "Don't worry, Millie. We got this, together."
Millie, not wanting to hurt Moxxie's confidence, enthusiastically replied: "Ok, Honey! Yeah, WE CAN DO THIS!"
Moxxie then turned to the Sinner and said: "Right! And this is going to be the cleanest, most well-prepped, most surgical hit we've ever had! Don't worry sir! We'll find your killer and give him what's coming to him."
Moxxie then had some second thoughts about it and added: "And/or her... Or they... Never mind, you get the point."
"Whoa, awesome, dude. Well, I better get going. I will pay you when you kill that person. Bye." The sinner then left the room.
Moxxie then turned to Millie and said: "Well, time to get into work, Millie." he then kissed her on her cheek. Millie smiled at that.
Couple hours later
Moxxie and Millie were standing in front of the investigation board on the wall. Moxxie was going all over the board with details of the potential suspects and the environment the camp was in. While Millie was finding this whole thing to be obnoxious.
"Uh, Mox. Do you think that it's a bit... Too much." Millie asked Moxxie, feeling concerned.
Moxxje reassured her, saying: "It's my first lead, Mills. It has to be..." Moxxie fake coughed and continued with a deep sexy voice: "Purr-fect."
"Oooh," Millie was turned on that voice. "How about... We take this board, put it on the ground, and... satisfy our needs without you worrying whether Blitz's spying on us."
"Wait, we can't do that. Doing that can mess the board up and we would be confused about what our first leads are." Millie rolled her eyes at that.
"Yep, you are so gonna fucking fail at this."
Moxxie and Millie jumped and turned around. Turns out it was Loona just standing there.
"Excuse me!?!" Moxxie was offended by Loona's comment.
"What? I mean, you're just wasting your time just looking at shit on the board, when you could just go into the living world, kill a random person, tells the client that you kill his killer, and be done with it. Problem solved." Loona explained to Moxxie and Millie.
Millie thought about it and then replied: "You know, Loona does have—"
Moxxie unintentionally cut her off, telling Loona: "No! We-we can't just go down to the living world and arbitrarily kill a person! We have to do it in the right way, which means killing the right killer."
Loona sighed heavily and continued: "Seriously? Uh. Well, If you are so insistent on finding the right killer, you could send me down to the living world and find that killer. I mean, it would be a nice break from sitting at the reception desk all day."
Moxxie laughed at that and said to Loona: "Really? Do you really think that I would be willing to send a lazy and apathetic hellhound receptionist down to the living world and not expect you to just waste time on your hellphone there and pretend that you killed the target? Not a chance!"
Loona was angry at that: "Uh, are you fucking kidding me? Well, I was the one who found Via in LA, unlike you two who wasted their time buying art on the streets."
Moxxie fired back at Moxxie: "Oh, yeah? Well, me and Mills were the ones who take down Striker and save Stolas, while you were getting your hellbies shot."
"I am the one who, along with Millie, came to save your and Blitz's asses and fight against those demon hunters."
"They were not targets, Loona," Moxxied stated.
"Whatever. And I'm the one who lures the targets towards you during the spring break."
"True. But you didn't kill them."
"Well, I—" Moxxie cut Loona off before she could finish.
"Enough! Let me spell it out for you: I. don't. trust. you. Loona. I'm in charge here. Not Blitz. Therefore, I can decide whether you come for the mission or not. Blitz isn't here to let you come with us. I am NOT gonna have a lazy and apathetic receptionist who acts like a meth-addicted homeless woman come into this and mess it up for us. You're not coming. End of discussion."
Loona was pissed off about it, so she storm off. Millie decided to follow her. While Moxxie shifts his focus to making up cover personas for himself and Millie.
Loona went to the break room and opened the fridge. She grabs a bottle of beer and opens it. She then started to drink out of it. Millie entered the room. Loona noticed it.
"Uh, the fuck you want, Millie?" Loona asked in a pissed-off tone.
"Look, I don't want you to take it personally. It's just that it's Mox's — and my — first time taking charge of a case without Blitz and he wants it perfect. I may not agree with everything with what he said. But I'm willing to support my husband on this. There's always a next time."
"Next time? Geez, I wonder when that would happen? I mean, all of my time in I.M.P always has been at the reception desk all day, aside from a few missions now and then. I feel like I'm under-utilized, always in the background. Sure, I may have not cared about this job when I first started. But after I helped in spring break and saved Blitz and fatty from demon hunters, I felt some excitement in helping commit assassinations on our targets, it was like it was going through the veins and I could not stop moving internally. I realized that it's... more fun to kill people than just sit at the reception desk all day. But, no matter how many times I asked to come along, with some exceptions, I always got a no. Do you know what it's like to be just a receptionist wasting time when they can do so much more? Have you ever felt that, with some exceptions, you're treated like an afterthought by everyone else?"
Millie was silent at that, trying to think of a response. Eventually, Millie quietly replied: "Just let us handle this. Let us do our job and you... just do what you have always done."
Millie then left the room and returned to Moxxie.
Loona then threw her bottle of beer back into the fridge and slammed the fridge door. Loona was sick of being constantly overlooked in terms of potential to kill targets. Sick of sitting at the reception desk all day. And sick of people underestimating her.
Then Loona has an idea.
Sure, he's busy and all, but he can't say no to his dau... me. Loona thought to herself.
So Loona got her hellphone out and called his number. Blitz answered the call.
"WHAT!" Blitz shouted in the call.
"Hey, Blitz," Loona responded.
"Oh, oh. I am so sorry, Loonie! Didn't realise that it was you calling me. I thought that it was Moxxie. I am still looking for my twin sister / your adoptive aunt. Hopefully, we can have a nice reunion together. Anyway, what do you want, Loonie?"
"Well, I am asking for a favor..." Loona continued.
Meanwhile and a bit later
Moxxie was finishing explaining the cover personas to Millie. "It would take a while for us to completely memorize our cover personas, so let us use the remaining hours of today to remember our covers."
Millie was slightly confused but nonetheless smiled and said to him: "Sure, baby. Sounds like a good plan to me, Mox."
"Change of plans: I'm coming," Loona announced.
"What!?!? Says who?" Moxxie demanded.
"Said by me, Moxxie," Blitz said on the hellphone. "Now, me and Loonie have a good chat and she made strong points about her going to whatever the fuck you are going to... namely, her human disguise, the area demographic age, and her willingness to contribute more to the company. So I agree and, although you're still in charge, one change that I went on to make without your input is that Loona comes with you on this one. And I don't want to hear your objections. No buts, no what ifs. She's coming. Now I have to go back to searching for my twin sister. Oh, and by the way, if you don't take Loonie with y—"
"Understood, sir! Loona's gonna come with us! No need to tell us more." Moxxie said nervously. Blitz then hung up.
Moxxie and Millie then look at Loona, pissed off that Loona went behind their back and have herself place into the mission. "You really have to do that, huh Loona?" Moxxie said in an annoyed tone. While Loona was standing there, smiling.
Millie then sighed and said to him: "Come on, Mox. One slight change in the plan won't hurt our mission. I mean, it could be worse."