Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Shelby Goodkind has never let loose. 

Always controlled, never free. Never free to choose her friends, never free to choose her food, never free to choose her clothes, never even free to choose her wavy hair. And sure she technically could have chosen any of these things for herself, but she knew she risked losing her daddy’s approval. 

And her daddy chose Andrew Stephen Johnson. 

Andrew was a blatant cheat but compared with the rest of the pool of bland and boring Christian boys in their congregation, Shelby knew her daddy could have chosen worse. Having him on her arm became her ticket to her parents' approval and his wandering eyes offered her the perks of dating her daddy's choice without the nauseating pressure of having to put out. 

Deep down, she knew that icky feeling wasn't limited to Andrew - he was just the convenient excuse to repress what she had always known: Shelby has never felt a spark with any guy. 

Shelby could have gone years repressing herself, if Andrew had just kept his pants zipped in unlocked rooms, but Andrew was a careless cheat, too. 

So when several of his coworkers walked in to a very unlocked copy room to find Andrew and a female coworker using a photocopier in a non-company approved way, well, the news just faxed itself right over to Shelby removing all plausible deniability she'd maintained about Andrew's sloppy infidelity. 

On the bright side, the infamous copy room scandal finally gave Shelby the perfect public cover to ditch Andrew, while obviously putting on a heartbroken and devastated performance to slow her daddy from moving on to the next eligible suitor. 

And ditching Andrew is why she is now here, newly single, doing something very loose, very un-Shelby-like.

And here is the middle of a club dance floor, with the only high school “friends” she never really chose. Her daddy and Andrew saw to that. Together, her daddy and Andrew sheltered Shelby from anyone different, anyone loose, anyone not pre-approved by her Lord and Savior, himself. 

Shelby knew her daddy was trying to keep her safe from the “temptations and sins of this world” but Andrew was probably all too happy to keep her away from anyone who could expose his cheating ass! So for very different reasons, Andrew and her daddy made darn sure she never got close to anyone besides themselves, her mother, her siblings and of course the Lord himself. Jesus.

And according to her daddy, Jesus would never be caught resurrected in this or any club - this club being “The Wilds”, Fort Travis’ hottest and newest. 

Shelby’s here after calling Ashley Davies, whose phone number somehow made it into Shelby’s sad little pre-approved contact list. Ashley was one of the “popular girls” Shelby was friendly with at school. Shelby wouldn't use the term friends to describe most of the people she knew from school, she only had one real friend and it certainly wasn't Ashley, but Ashley was fun and probably down to do something so Shelby figured that beggars can't be choosers and called her anyway. 

A short call later and Ashley had convinced Shelby to join her and some of her friends. Shelby figured tagging along couldn’t hurt, and doing it in a Prada two-piece looking hot as hell, hurt even less.

And, okay, Shelby would never call herself hot as hell out loud. Shelby has never even seen herself as sexy or desirable - true she knows she’s objectively pretty, at least according to the pageant trophies in her pristine childhood bedroom, but sexy? Hot? 

No, that's never been her. 

But making her way through this crowded club on her way to the bar, feeling eyes all over her body, struggling to know how the blatant stares should make her feel - she can’t deny who they do make her feel. 

Sexy. Desirable. Hot. All the things she never thought she was. 

Not bad for a local waitress who rarely drinks. 

Shelby rarely drinks, not for religious reasons like many around her so carelessly assumed, but because it was of utmost importance to remain in control of herself at all times. 

She remembers all too well what happened the last time she let loose. 

But tonight, Shelby chooses to forget what happened last time she let loose. She feels a heat and a buzz growing inside her since she entered the club and she chooses to match them with the heat and the buzz from a spritzer. 

And then another. And a shot, and then another. 

And slowly the alcohol warms her and loosens her jaw, and her shoulders, and her hips to the beat set by the club's DJ. Shelby has spent so many years restricted and controlled, she didn't really know what she expected from this night but the one thing she did know, she was happy to lose some control and letting herself have a few god-damned drinks is how she was gonna do it!

Fast Forward a few hours and Shelby is god-damned buzzed but not yet drunk, just leaning on the back wall, feeling the beat in her chest, sipping champagne in her six-inch heels just loosening up and taking it all in. 

All around her she sees people having fun, dancing, chatting, flirting. This didn't look like the depraved hell holes that her daddy would have her believe nightclubs are. 

I mean sure, she knows clubs aren't exactly the most innocent of places but she starts to wonder what was really so bad? Most people just looked like they were here to have fun with their friends. Just letting loose. And what was so bad about letting loose? 

“Shelby, stop standing there being a heartbroken bitch, and come and dance!” Ashley shouts from the dance floor breaking her from her thoughts. 

Shelby hesitates for just a second before remembering she has vowed it was time to live differently. What she was doing before wasn’t working, therefore she has nothing to lose by trying something different, so she pushes herself off the wall and forces her legs to carry her to the dance floor. 

She suddenly notices the music playing is actually kind of incredible, it isn’t just the generic EDM or awful chart remixes she is used to hearing. Instead, the music brilliantly builds and drops as if it was almost classical but with a modern twist. 

It is beautiful, but gritty and sexy all at the same time. 

Shelby darts her eyes around the crowd, seeking the source of the sound mixing until they rise to spot the mezzanine where the DJ booth is situated. As soon as she focuses her eyes through the dark club and the bright strobe lights, Shelby sees brown eyes burning right back into her.

The eyes belong to someone as beautiful, as gritty, and as sexy as the music overwhelming all of Shelby’s senses with the one thing no boy had ever made her feel: An instant spark.

After denying a part of herself she had spent years burying under pin-straight hair, canned pageant responses, and a safe and boring relationship with Andrew, Shelby chooses herself and Shelby chooses to stare right back. 

She chooses to take in the form of the woman at the decks, and her deep brown eyes, and her dark hair tied back in a messy ponytail, and her red vest revealing just enough skin to show off her abs, and her headphones slung around her neck. 

And Shelby finally chooses to admit to herself, she is definitely attracted to women.

Shelby finally peels her eyes away from the DJ long enough to dance with her “friends” (acquaintances at best) for a while. She can still feel the DJ’s eyes on her, and whether a conscious decision or not, she definitely rolls her hips to the beat a little more enthusiastically, and roams her hands over her body a little more seductively. Shelby from a few days ago would have never chosen to move in such an un-Shelby-like manner, let alone for a female audience of one. 

But today’s Shelby is loving it. 

“Come on Shelbs, we’re heading to the restroom,” Briana interrupts her dancing, while grabbing Shelby’s hand and dragging her away from the dance floor before she even has a chance to respond. 

Shelby maneuvers through the crowd as best she can without the use of one of her arms and just before she steps off the dance floor she throws a hopeful glance up to the DJ, only to find her eyes still on Shelby accompanied by the cockiest smirk she had ever seen. Shelby couldn’t have stopped her lips from curling into a shy smile in return even if she had wanted to.  

Adjusting her eyes to the harsh fluorescent lights of the restroom, Shelby realizes the group wasn’t there to pee. She catches sight of Ashley exchanging a wad of bills for a small baggie of white powder before making her way into a booth with Briana. 

“You coming, Goodkind?” Briana beckons.

“Um, no, I'm good! Thanks! I’ll just, uh, wait by the bar for y’all. No rush! Uh, take your time! Okay, bye!” Shelby squeaks out in response while twisting her body right back towards the door she was just dragged through. 

This was absolutely N-O-T not Shelby’s scene and she 100% did not trust either of those girls to look after her if it ever did become her scene, which she most adamantly knew it would not.

A familiar voice stops Shelby’s quick escape towards the bar.  

“Goodkind, Shelby Goodkind? No fucking way!” Shelby looks up to see the source of the familiar voice from the very girl who had just done business with Ashley.

“Dottie? Oh my Lord! How are you? Why the heck are you here doing this?!” She practically shrieks at her, failing to hide how genuinely upset she is to see Dottie still dealing drugs like she used to in high school.

Dorothy “Dot” Campbell, Shelby’s best friend in middle school turned barely acquaintance in high school, stands right in front of her. They hadn’t seen each other in years but Shelby had always been fond of her, still effortlessly calling her “Dottie” despite her going by “Dot” since Freshman year.

“It’s not what it looks like. I mean, alright, so it kinda is… but I don’t usually do this shit,” Dot rushes out looking a little embarrassed. “I still deal a little weed or whatever but this truly is a one off. I just was put in a really bad spot but now that the batch is gone I’m done. I’m really only here to support my friend out there, she’s headlining the DJ spot for the first time. She’s amazing!” Dot explains, pointing towards the DJ set booth.

“Oh! You know the DJ? Oh cool! She is really good!” Shelby replies, trying and failing to play it cool as if she hasn’t spent the last hour drooling over said DJ. 

“Yeah, that’s my friend Toni Shalifoe. Basically all the clubs are trying to book her right now. Wanna come say hi?” 

Dot does not wait for a response and starts leading them towards the booth assuming Shelby definitely wants to meet her. 

Did Shelby want to meet her? Her body certainly wants to. Just the thought of being closer to Toni is causing her cheeks to heat up, and her stomach to drop and her mind to freak out. 

She’s not quite ready to actually outwardly accept what these feelings might mean, especially as she is meant to be nursing a broken heart tonight - or at least appear to since the girls she came with are meant to believe she is devastated right now. 

Shelby can’t really say no to Dottie though, right? That would be rude, right? 

And Shelby definitely does not do rude. 

“Yeah sure, why not? Let’s go say hi to your friend!” Shelby answered, following Dot towards the stairs of the DJ booth.

Taking the final step of the stairs leading to the DJ booth, Shelby looks up to see Toni absolutely lost in the music, tongue sticking out slightly as she concentrates on seamlessly mixing one song into the next. Shelby can’t help but find it utterly adorable, a far cry from Toni’s cocky smirk just ten minutes ago. 

That adorable moment is gone in a flash when Toni senses she isn't alone. She raises her eyebrows in surprise to see the girl she had also spent the night staring at standing right in front of her next to Dot. 

“Hey dude, I hope you don’t mind but I bumped into an old friend of mine so I told her she should come join us and also meet you,” Dot explains while Shelby calms her nerves. “She thinks you’re good. Toni, this is Shelby. Shelby, this is DJ Toni.” 

“Nah, Dot it’s cool, I don’t mind meeting a fan. Nice to meet you, Shelby,” Toni smirks with a crooked smile.

And oh dear Lord, if Shelby thought Toni’s looks were hot, her deep raspy voice dragging out both syllables of her name is just something else. Shelby feels an electric pull towards Toni she had never felt before and gulps trying to get a hold of herself before responding.

“Lovely to meet you too, Toni. You’re very talented,” Shelby breathes out hoping to not sound as breathless as she feels. 

“Why thank you for the compliment, I’ve been told I’m a woman of many talents,” Toni winks back without missing a beat. 

Shelby would have cringed at that line coming from anyone else, but Toni somehow lands it with the desired swoon-inducing effect. 

‘Jeez, how much drink do I have in my system to fall for this?!’ Shelby questions herself, while suppressing a giggle in response. 

Not enough alcohol apparently, because as soon as Dot interrupts her internal meltdown to get a round of drinks, Shelby orders a Cocktail (Sex on the Beach as a massive ‘Fuck You’ to both Andrew and her daddy right about now) without hesitation.

Dot tumbles down the stairs in her Doc Martens to fill their orders leaving the two alone, Toni half paying attention to her decks, half paying attention to Shelby with a knowing smile, and Shelby half pretending not to notice. 

Shelby feels herself getting warm again, it's small in this booth and Shelby is fully aware of every movement Toni makes. She can see every twitch of Toni’s muscles in her forearms as Toni twists and turns knobs and presses buttons on the decks. She can feel the heat coming from Toni’s body and she can smell the cologne on her skin. 

Just as Shelby is about to get totally lost in this sensory overload, the DJ speaks up.

“Give me 30 seconds to program a few tracks, yeah?” Toni mumbles in her direction and Shelby nods while biting her lip and fidgeting with her hands. 

Shelby waits and watches while Toni presses a few buttons, turns a few dials, and sorts out the headphones around her neck. It couldn’t have taken more than 30 seconds, but holding her breath in such close proximity to Toni makes it feel like 30 minutes. 

“There we go,” Toni breathes out while turning her whole body towards Shelby and leaning against the wall behind the booth. 

Shelby watches her closely. There is something about Toni, she just seems so at ease with herself, so relaxed in a way that Shelby has never been allowed to be. Shelby is mesmerized and for a moment can't work out whether she wants to be her, or, be with her. 

“So, I saw you dancing, you are also very talented. Do you come here often?” 

“Oh my goodness,” Shelby laughs out, not expecting the dorky pick-up line. 

“You seriously did not just use that line on me?” 

Ok. Shelby’s worked it out. It's definitely the second option. She knows by the stuttering of her own heart that she doesn't want to be Toni.

Toni has the decency to look at least a little bashful, which only makes her look all the more endearing.

“Well that depends,” Toni offers while looking at her feet kicking at the floor before slowly raising her eyes to lock them intensely on Shelby’s again. 

“Did it work?“

Shelby would have choked on the cocktail Dot hasn’t brought back yet, but thankfully Toni doesn’t make her suffer through a response. 

“I’m just messing with you, I was for real asking!” Toni defends charmingly before continuing. 

“I have only played here a few times, but it’s my first time headlining. I’ve just never seen you here before. And trust me, I would have remembered.” 

“I don’t know about that. I can’t imagine you being able to handle the music the way you do and still be aware of everyone in here, but you’re right, it’s actually my first time. My friends convinced me to come out and dance and I quote ‘Stop being a heartbroken bitch.’” Shelby rambles while trying to remain gracious and humble with Toni’s compliment and to process how smoothly Toni appears to keep hitting on her. 

Well, at least she thinks she’s being hit on. She’s never actually been hit on by a woman, or at least she doesn’t think she has. 

“Who the hell would break your heart?” Toni asks, genuinely baffled.

“My boyfriend, well, I guess my ex-boyfriend now. He cheated on me then I broke up with him last night, I guess.” 

Shelby actually does feel a little bit sad about that for a second, before Toni’s disappointed face distracts her from her little pity party. 

“Oh. Well your boyfriend made a huge mistake,” Toni sighs out.

Before Shelby can respond, Dot returns with their drinks, a whiskey for herself, a beer for Toni and Shelby’s cocktail. Toni grabs the beer and starts downing it while lost in thought.

“What have you guys been chatting about while I was gone? Catch me up, Goodkind.” Dot shouts over to them, oblivious to the moment she had interrupted. 

“Well, I was just telling Toni here about how I’m currently on a heartbreak and drinking diet after breakin’ up with Andrew last night after I caught him cheatin’ on me,” Shelby matter-of-factly reports to Dot unintentionally slipping into an even thicker Texas accent. 

“I should probably get back to the others though, they will be wonderin’ where I am.”

Dot looks at her, failing to hide her surprise that Shelby and Andrew were just now breaking up. Dot warned Shelby a few years ago back in high school about Andrew cheating on her with Christa Finley, but before Dot even had a chance to say anything, Toni pipes up.

“Well, you know what they say about the best way to get over someone. Maybe I can help. Here’s my number, I get off at two.” Toni handed Shelby her business card as if she was offering a job reference and not blatantly propositioning Shelby in front of Dot while undressing her with her eyes. 

Shelby gulps down her drink, nods in Toni’s direction without a word, and heads back to the dance floor while gripping the handrail with her sweaty palm. She has no idea what she will do when the time comes. 

Or at least that’s what she tells herself. Shelby made that choice before she even knew it was an option.

Shelby eventually rejoins the rest of her group after carefully watching her every step on the way down from Toni’s booth. Ashley and Briana hadn’t even noticed she was gone, they were obviously enjoying their high. 

Not that Shelby was even offended. She was already bored of their company and she had only been back for approximately fourteen minutes. 

Alright, exactly fourteen minutes, because she had already checked the time 3 times since leaving Toni and Dot up in that booth. 

It was now 12:39 am, still a long stretch until 2:00 am, and time keeps crawling as slowly as it has the last fourteen minutes. At this pace, downing drinks to keep her nerves at bay, Shelby’s surely going to be wasted by the time Toni gets off. Still, she has no other idea for how she would make it to 2:00 am without some Dutch courage, so she heads over to the bar once again. 

She pulls herself on to one of the leather stools, places her order and receives her vodka with lime to try to slow down from cocktails hitting her a little too hard. She starts enjoying the change up - that’s what this night has been turning out to be so she may as well keep it that way.

“Careful there blondie, you’ve been mixing these drinks pretty hard all night and there are plenty here who would take advantage of that, not that I blame them. That Prada number you have going on is really working for you.” The bartender warns affectionately. 

The bartender looked to be about her age, with large gold hoop earrings contrasting against flawless bronzed skin and long jet black hair held back by a leopard print headband. Even though she is wearing the standard white button up shirt sported by all the bar staff that night, the way she rolled her sleeves just so made Shelby admire this girl’s style.

“Thank you for lookin’ out for me - which is way more than I can say about the so-called friends I came here with.” Shelby replied, while overexaggerating her air quotes and nodding in the direction of a group of girls that seemed both very drunk and very high.

“No dramas, Aunty Fatin always has her eye out making sure the sleazy creeps stay the hell away! If you’re ever feeling like you need an escape, just head over and I’m here. And yeah, your friends look pretty fucked up, they should probably call it a night. You, however, look like you have someone else looking out for you.” 

Fatin wiggled her eyebrows to the space right over Shelby’s right shoulder causing Shelby to turn around in her chair and find Toni smiling with a beer in one hand, and a glass of what looks to be a gin and tonic with a lime placed on the lip of the glass, in the other. 

Shelby frantically checks her watch as there is no way it’s 2:00 am already and thankfully she is right, it’s only 12:58 am. 

Toni settles herself beside Shelby leaning her forearms against the wooden bar while Shelby slowly turns back towards the bar in a full circle, unable to resist Toni’s magnetic pull.

“I only have like a 3 track break here but I couldn’t just leave you looking lost while your friends are obviously somewhere else right now,” Toni whispers into her ear making Shelby’s breath catch. 

“I got you a drink and I was really hoping I could see some of that dancing talent you were showing off before.”

Shelby feels hot all over and puts her own drink down before reaching out for the gin and tonic in Toni’s hand. She downs the drink while staring back at Toni and hopes she looks calm and relaxed on the outside while absolutely losing it on the inside. 

‘Am I really gonna do this? I’ve barely been single for twenty-four hours from my boyfriend of 6 years that I hated any PDA with, and now she I’m suddenly down to pull this hot female stranger on to a crowded dance floor and dance only for her?’ 

Unable to break Toni’s eye contact and incapable of pausing to consider the consequences, Shelby tangles her right fingers into Toni’s right hand, while gulping down the drink in her left. Shelby wills herself to be brave, and fully grasps Toni’s hand while leading her to the dance floor. 

Shelby leads the way, twisting Toni’s arm behind her back and pulling her through the crowd. She politely presses through, looking to settle on the right spot when Toni interrupts her search by smoothly tugging  Shelby's arm to twist her back around until Shelby is freezing inches away from Toni’s face. Shelby is still trying to make sense of how Toni just made Shelby’s body do that before Toni is softly taking Shelby’s other hand and drawing her impossibly closer like Toni can’t get close enough. 

And Shelby just melts at how wanted Toni makes her feel. 

But it’s more than feeling physically wanted. Shelby’s felt that before when she couldn’t wrestle away from Andrew’s paws quick enough or speed walk away from a crowd of ogling bros fast enough. 

She’s not flinching away at Toni’s touch. she wants more of it. 

Standing this close to Toni, Shelby’s senses are just overwhelmed by this surprising softness just emanating from Toni, making her wonder - shoot, making her hope Toni just wants her - all of her. 

Toni drops Shelby’s hands before dragging her own strong fingertips up Shelby’s thighs, careful not to snag Shelby’s skirt with her rings, before she confidently presses them into Shelby’s hips, stroking her thumbs right at her hip bones. Without taking her eyes off Shelby, Toni loosens her possessive grip on Shelby just enough to rotate Shelby back around until her back relaxes right into Toni’s front. 

And the music, and the drinks, and Toni’s eyes, and Toni’s smirk, and Toni’s hands, and Toni’s voice, and Toni’s warm breath on her neck just snap Shelby’s last shred of self-control and she grinds her hips into Toni like she never did for Andrew. 

Whatever was happening here was unlike anything Shelby had ever done before, but what was most exhilarating is that for something so out of character for the persona that had been created for her, it felt the most honest thing she had done in years. 

And she didn’t want to stop

Everything inside Shelby catches fire growing directly from where her body makes contact with Toni. No interaction with Andrew over the course of their relationship ever came close to making her feel this turned on despite his numerous and very persistent sloppy efforts. This was fire and she knew there was no chance of putting it out. She didn’t want to put it out, even the jets in the jacuzzi back home which she often used in her own “private time” would not be able to extinguish what she was feeling - she needed the real deal. 

And that deal was Toni and her hands. All over her body. 

Toni’s fingers start to grip Shelby tighter through her black prada two piece, while Shelby feels Toni’s warm breath moving down her right ear to her neck and back. Once again, Shelby’s body moves before her brain gives permission as she tilts her head not-so-subtly to the left to offer up her neck for whatever Toni has in mind. 

She doesn’t have to wait long to know what that is, before Shelby gasps at the feeling of Toni’s full lips meeting her skin and she can’t help but reach her right hand back to tangle into Toni’s messy ponytail and hold Toni’s mouth closer. Toni gets all the permission she needs to suck and nip at Shelby’s neck in between hot open-mouthed kisses, and Shelby knows within seconds she is going to need those lips on hers. 

Shelby forces herself to be brave, again. 

She grabs Toni's hands and turns slowly until she is facing her and she slowly moves her hands up Toni’s forearms, to her shoulders, to her clavicles, all the way to cupping her jaw.

Before she loses her nerve, Shelby presses in and kisses her. 

It’s fast and it’s frantic, Shelby feels herself practically lunging into the kiss like she has finally been unleashed and been given permission to take what she wants.

At the same time Shelby feels the world around her slow down - it literally feels like an out of body experience, like she’s weak, like she’s floating, like she’s high from all those drugs they warn you about in middle school.

Toni kisses her back without hesitation and they cling to each other until Shelby pulls away if only to catch her breath. As she does, Shelby notices the music changing.

Toni leans back in, equally breathless, and rests her forehead against Shelby’s with her chest still heaving in time with her own. 

“Fuck. That’s my call to leave. This track is over in about 2 minutes and I still have to get up those steps.” Toni groans out. 

“But wait for me at 2:00 am? If you’re still up for it?” And Toni looks almost shy for the first time all night. 

Shelby pouts which earns her a deep sexy chuckle.

‘Is it possible to even chuckle in a sexy way? It is now’

Toni gives her the cutest little smile and the softest press to her lips before Toni slowly peels herself away while heading up the steps to her booth.

Toni is almost out of hearing range before Shelby blurts out, “Sure thing! Go finish your set! Uh, yeah, I’ll see you real soon!” 

Shelby cringes at her eagerness but Toni’s amused smile in return makes it worth it. Still stunned, she makes her way back to the bar to finish off her lukewarm Vodka and Lime from “Aunty Fatin'' who just gives her a knowing little wink. 

Shelby knows she needs more of Toni so she makes the easiest choice in a hot minute. After a lifetime of choices made for her, Shelby chooses to wait at the bar until 2:00 am - ready to “get over Andrew” by going home “to get under” Toni Shalifoe, the DJ at the club.

Chapter Text

Last Night. 9:00 pm. Toni’s Apartment.  

“I really could have done without this tonight, especially with all that shit Kirin has been pulling recently,” Toni huffs over the phone to her good friend Dot. 

Toni knows she’s being ungrateful. This gig is great for her career, headlining at the newest club in town with a solid reputation in the local dance music scene. But Toni’s tired and hungover and frustrated and hates that she knows this new headline residency at the club doesn’t exactly come without strings attached. 

Still, she’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so she decides to get her shit together before Dot can press any further. “But you never know, it might end up being a great night so I’m gonna stop being a pussy and head out. You meeting me there?”

“Well, I’m glad you finally stopped moaning like a little bitch before I had to give you a proverbial ass kicking! This is gonna be good for you, Shalifoe. And yeah, see you there - should get in around 11.”

“Yeah, yeah, see you later Campbell.”

After hanging up, Toni grabs her bag, stuffing it with a couple of sweaters for the night. It’s getting cold at night this time of year despite the scorching Texas heat during daylight hours. She grabs her keys and her headphones and makes her way over to her new “office” for the next few months, Fort Travis’ newest club, ‘The Wilds.’ 

The club is busy and the DJ before her is getting the crowd in a good mood. Kirin may be an absolute dick in Toni’s humble opinion but as much as she hates to say it, he’s pretty decent on a set of decks. All the equipment is pretty much set up for her so there isn’t too much to do. Toni prefers some of her own kit so she’s brought that with her but it doesn’t take long to set up. She heads to the bar for a beer and is met with a familiar smile.

“What’s up short stack? Beer?” 

It’s Fatin. Toni has known her for a few years now, mostly from the club scene. They often run into each other at the same after parties and after hooking up a few times, one night of trauma dumping made Toni realize they weren’t all that different. Both Toni and Fatin grew up realizing their parents’ love was very much conditional. That night put a stop to the more physical aspect of their relationship to not mess up a potential friendship. 

“Fuck off Fatin, you’re like half and inch taller, an inch when you have your hair in the stupid fucking bun on top of your head,” Toni yells back without any bite and  they both laugh as Fatin slides a beer over to Toni. Toni stays at the bar while Fatin continues to serve customers, gets bored and spins around in her stool to look out into the crowded dance floor when she abruptly stops. 

Because she sees her. 

The new girl out with Ashley and her cronies. Toni has never seen her before and she can’t take her eyes off her. 

Long blonde hair in loose waves falls over her shoulders and down to an all black prada two piece that hugs her body perfectly. Long legs with high heels that make Toni’s insides spark. And Toni may have looked away, but for those eyes. 

Wow, fuck me!  

Toni is utterly enraptured by the biggest, greenest, most piercing eyes she’s ever seen. 

Toni sees the blonde standing awkwardly with the group, painfully out of place with the girls she’s with. 

“Thank fuck,” Toni sighs out to herself ‘cause she really can’t stand bloody Ashley - the most irritatingly basic white bitch she’s ever met! Toni could stare all night but Fatin interrupts her by tapping on her shoulder.

“When you manage to collect your jaw from off the floor and lose the sappy heart eyes, you better go get ready for your set,” Fatin says with a knowing smile. 

Toni laughs, she knows she can’t hide shit from Fatin. Fatin Jadmani is like a bloodhound when it comes to this stuff but Toni tries to deny it anyway.

“No idea what you mean Jadmani,” Toni smirks right back at her as she gathers her things ready to head up to the DJ booth on the club’s mezzanine. 

The set is going really well, Toni knows it’s going well and the vibes are just hitting right tonight and she’s really starting to enjoy herself. Toni’s confidence just grows when she also notices the pretty blonde from earlier noticing her - pleased she’s not the only one who can’t keep her eyes to herself. 

Toni hasn’t felt this instantly attracted to someone whilst sober in years. She also can’t believe that someone as gorgeous as this woman is looking at her the way she is. Toni would have sworn she was straight, but the intensity of this girl’s stare and the suggestive way she is dancing, gives Toni just a glimmer of hope. 

So Toni sends a cocky little smirk her way. 

And the blonde sends a shy smile back.

And Toni feels the start of a little flutter in the heart she believed to be cold and dead. 

After a few songs, Toni sees her new favorite blonde dragged to the restroom by her friends, followed ever so closely by none other than her good friend Dot. And Toni knows exactly why. 

Toni hates that Dot has to be the one taking Ashley’s business. Her friend wants to get away from this life. Dot only started dealing back in the day to help earn extra money to take care of her dying dad. And now Toni has gotten her friend tangled up with dealing something far more dangerous than weed. 

Lost in her own thoughts and self hatred, Toni almost doesn’t notice the blonde leaving the restroom almost as quickly as she had entered. She looks awkward and flustered and then she turns around behind her and Toni notices Dot behind her talking animatedly before hugging. 

Shit, does Dot know this girl?! Fuck, now they are looking at me! 

Once again, Toni gets lost in her head and before she knows it Dot Is pointing at Toni and Dot is leading the girl she’s been smitten with all night up the stairs. Toni pretends she doesn't see them coming, hoping if she looks busy it will give her enough time to compose herself, so she decides to start mixing the current track into the next despite it not actually being in her plan to do so just yet.

Dot introduces the girl to Toni, luckily she is able to stop internally melting down long enough to catch the name. Shelby. Yeah, that name suits her, and up close she is even more breathtaking than Toni realized. She introduces herself and somehow Shelby seems to find her smooth - she might just pull this off without seeming like a complete doofus!

Dot leaves to get them drinks and Toni finds herself effortlessly flirting with Shelby and even despite a potential faux pas with the “do you come here often?” comment there seems to be a real connection and chemistry here, and for the first time in a while it's happening while Toni is feeling like she's completely herself.

Then Shelby drops the bombshell about her “boyfriend - well ex-boyfriend,” and Toni’s stomach drops.  

Of course she’s fucking straight!  

When in the hell in Toni’s life do things actually go her way?! She finds herself snarkily replying “well your BOYFRIEND has made a big mistake,” luckily before Toni can see Shelby’s reaction Dot returns with the drinks and starts up a conversation with the blonde. 

A few moments later Toni chastises her inner self, it's not Shelby’s fault that Toni has the wrong end of the stick. She is well within her rights to enjoy Toni's flirting even if the chemistry Toni is feeling isn’t reciprocated.

She looks at Shelby again and see’s those green eyes boring into her. Toni then stops to think about how hastily she has jumped to conclusions, she is an idiot, just because a boyfrind has been mentioned doesnt mean shelby is straight - fuck, this girl could be Bi! Fuck it, take a chance Shalifoe!

Toni registers that Dot and Shelby have just finished their conversation and Shelby is bidding them farewell. 

It’s now or never - just make your damn move! 

As a parting comment Toni basically puts herself on a silver platter for this girl and hands her a business card after making her intentions very clear. She can’t get enough of her and prays Shelby will take the card, and for once whatever deity exists takes her side as Shelby receives the card with a shocked yet eager looking expression on her face as she leaves. 

1:50am. Fatin’s Bar.  

While the minutes had dragged earlier tonight, the hour that passed after dancing with Toni flew by for Shelby. 

Shelby was hoping she would have more time to prepare her pageant-princess-level performance in order to allow Toni to believe that Shelby was confident and sexy, not riddled with nerves and self-doubt about what looked likely to happen over the rest of the evening. 

Luckily, for the last 45 minutes of her wait, Shelby had been joined again by Dot who served as a very welcome distraction from the whirlwind of emotions that were consuming her thoughts. It was so nice to catch up with her old friend. 

Dot and Shelby had been so close in middle school but, once they had gotten to high school, Shelby’s father had actively discouraged their friendship. Shelby can still hear his voice in her head, warning her to stay away from Dot and her tomboyish ways and her affinity to rock music. 

“She can take you down a road of sin, Shelby. Your daddy doesn’t want that for you, Darlin.’”  

Sitting here now, talking like no time had passed, she hadn’t known just how much she’d missed her Dottie. She also didn’t realize how few people she had in her life that she felt truly comfortable with like she did with Dot, while reminiscing of days gone by - soccer camps, ultimate frisbee, swimming in the local lido. She had felt almost free back then before it all fell apart and her father had felt the need to keep such a tight leash that Shelby had no real say in her own life. 

Tonight was testament to how much Shelby was going to make sure that all changed. 

“Ah, here comes Romeo,” Dot smiles and nods towards the stairs. 

Shelby follows Dot’s glance to see Toni heading their way. Her backpack full of equipment was almost bigger than her but Toni carries it effortlessly. She shoots Shelby that smirk once again and Shelby can’t help but feel a little weak at the knees.

Dot stops Shelby before she can even test out those weak knees to whisper out some unexpected advice. 

“Before you go Shelby, Toni is one of the good ones, I promise. Or else I wouldn’t let you leave with her. But she’s really fucking complex, ok? I don’t want you to think that’s about you ‘cause it really isn’t.” 

Shelby is taken aback a little, not because of what Dot’s saying about Toni, but because for the first time in a really long time, Shelby feels like someone genuinely cares and has her back.  

“She’s got a tough exterior but it’s all just a mask - trust me. I don’t know what this is to you, but she’s worth getting to know. Ok, TedTalk over man, she’s waiting for you.” 

Dot wraps up her pep talk with a kind slap on Shelby’s back, before downing the last of her beer, and walking off and making her way over to the cloakroom of the club. 

Shelby sets her own glass down on the bar and sends Toni a soft smile. She picks up her clutch and makes her way over to the DJ who is waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs. 

“What happened to your friends?” Toni asks, looking around with a concerned frown on her face.

“Um, is it bad to admit that I didn’t even notice that they’d left?! I was busy catching up with Dot,” Shelby giggles like it’s not a big deal but wonders why Toni’s face looks that way - furrowed and serious, but still sogod-damned attractive. 

“So they just left you drunk and alone at a bar? You need better friends, princess!”

“You offerin’?” Shelby internally pats herself on the back at her attempt at almost flirting. 

“Let’s go and I’ll show you just how friendly I can be,” Toni gives her a cheeky wink without missing a beat. Shelby laughs at herself quietly about her own feeble attempt - because what Toni had just said, well, that was flirting. 

Toni offers her hand out to Shelby and laces them together immediately. Shelby doesn’t know at this point if it’s the alcohol or if it’s just Toni, but she’s feeling so warm and fuzzy and she doesn’t think anything has ever felt so natural to her other than holding Toni’s hand like this. 

They head outside with Shelby feeling free for the first time in a very long time. 

Shelby isn’t sure what hits her first, the freezing cold or the alcohol in her system mixing with the air. Either way - she doesn’t feel too great, but she isn’t going to let it get in between what she has going on with Toni right now, so she steels herself and takes a deep breath.

“You ok? That was a big sigh.” Toni looks over at Shelby with that concerned look on her face once again. 

Shelby isn’t used to someone being so in tune with her - this definitely wasn’t something she experienced with Andrew. It’s taking her by surprise and she loves and hates it all at the same time. 

“Yeah I’m good, just cold I guess,” she replies with a half truth. 

“We don’t have to do this, you know. Shelby, I’m like, 100% totally down for this, but I’m not a dick and, if you’re not ok, we can leave this,” Toni gently reassures her. 

“No Toni, it’s not that. N-O-T not that at all.” 

What the hell Shelby? Why did you just say it like that? What are we? 12?!

Toni raises her eyebrow at Shelby like she’s so entertained and lets out a little chuckle. 

“Ok, if we’re both ok, let’s get an Uber - it’s too cold to walk to mine. I’ll get one on the app now. Here, take this.” Toni pulls out a sweater from her backpack and hands it to Shelby. 

Shelby takes the sweater from her and pulls it over her head. The smell just brings her instant comfort, sandalwood and cotton just attacking her sense of smell. 

She loves it. 

After a few moments, Shelby catches herself in the reflection of a nearby shop window and, for some reason, she can’t suppress giggles of seeing herself in a prada two piece covered with a comfy old dark blue sweater with yellow patches down the elbows. 

It’s most certainly a look.  

“Uber booked! Hey, what’s got you laughing so hard, princess?” Toni giggles right back.

“I really like it when you call me that.” Shelby grabs Toni’s wrist and pulls her closer, totally ignoring her question. 

She wraps her arms around Toni’s neck and leaves a soft kiss in the crook of said neck. Toni sighs out contentedly and pulls Shelby in for a hug, keeping her close to her own body and rubbing up and down Shelby’s back in an attempt to warm her up. 

“I was just laughing at how darn ridiculous I look right now in this outfit,” Shelby murmurs into Toni’s neck.

“You look cute. And hot. All at the same time. Seriously, how do you do it?” Toni replies, causing Shelby to blush, cheeks turning red and warm, while Shelby buries her face to hide herself further into Toni. 

Toni notices anyway and pulls Shelby away just enough to kiss Shelby’s flushed cheeks, landing soft kisses along her face and not stopping until she hits the shell of her ear. Shelby grows giddy at Toni’s warm breath on her ear and on her neck.  

She reacts by clinging even tighter to Toni who just lets out a little laugh while clinging right back. 

They sway silently in this embrace for a few minutes, while allowing their hands to roam and stroke over each other’s backs. The fire Shelby felt earlier is starting to come back, but this time it’s also accompanied by a little nausea and maybe some spinning and the feeling that she’s not all that steady on her feet. 

Fuck, she’s really drunk. 

Damnit Shelby, why did you have so many cocktails?! 

She is saved by the ping of Toni’s phone letting them know that their Uber has arrived just as the headlights of a car come into view. She hopes she’ll feel a little better once she’s sitting down. 

Sitting down does not make her feel better. 

Shelby didn’t think it was possible sitting down would make her feel more drunk. She feels her inhibitions lowering and her confidence rising. She leans her head onto Toni’s shoulder and wraps her arm around her torso. 

Shelby’s drunk confidence finds her playing with the hem of Toni’s own sweater. She desperately wants to feel those abs she had gotten a flash of earlier from underneath Toni’s vest. Shelby slowly pushes her hand under the material and starts running her fingers over the soft skin she finds there. Just barely touching Toni in this way and Shelby’s more turned on than she’s ever been.

Shelby decides to lean into her alcohol-fueled false confidence and lifts her head to kiss Toni’s neck again, nipping and sucking sloppily, desperate to leave a mark on her new favorite canvas. Eventually, Shelby stops just to whisper into Toni’s ear.

“You are so frickin’ hot, Toni. You’re, like, hotter than Hades,” she slurrs out, not quite landing the sultry vibe she was going for. 

Toni looks down at her, that questioning look on her face again. She doesn’t say anything but she places a finger under Shelby’s chin and lifts it allowing their lips to align, and Toni gives her a soft, chaste kiss, and breaks away with a small smile on her face. 

The drink in Shelby tells her to keep going with the drunken display of flirting. 

Maybe what she should be listening to is all the red flags that her body is giving her right now in regards to her own inebriation levels; the sweaty palms, the spinning head, that sick feeling in her stomach and the fact her kidneys are screaming at her now for the awful concoctions she’s chosen to put into her body tonight. 

Instead she ignores her own blurry vision and tries to arrange her numb face into something she believes is sexy and confident. 

“I can’t believe this is happening. Holy hell, Toni, I can’t wait for you to touch me,” she hears Toni’s breath hitch at this. Shelby moves her hands to Toni’s thigh and she starts slowly caressing them

“I can’t wait for that either Shelby, I’m gonna make you feel so great.” Toni rasps back to her and Shelby feels that pull in her core and she thinks she is not going to last long at all. 

She needs this car to hurry up and get to Toni’s. 

Luckily for her, the car indicates to pull in opposite an apartment building and slowly comes to a stop. Toni detaches herself from Shelby and taps her phone on the card reader to pay for the ride. She shimmies out of the car and runs to the opposite side to open the door for Shelby. 

As she stands to get out of the car, the unsteadiness of her feet makes an unwelcome return and she stumbles at the first step. Toni catches on to her and wraps an arm over Shelby’s shoulder while Shelby wraps her arms around Toni’s waist with a grip a koala bear would be proud of, and they start making their way to Toni’s apartment. 

2:30am. Toni’s apartment 

“You doing ok there, Shelby?” Toni smirks knowing fully well the girl in front of her is pretty drunk. 

This night isn’t going anywhere now. 

Toni isn’t the type to take advantage when she knows the girl in front of her is rapidly losing the ability to make informed decisions. 

“Anything you wanna confess right now?” Toni gives Shelby the opportunity to lightheartedly confess her drunkenness, doing her best to convey she is not upset in the slightest by the change in plans, but instead Shelby interrupts.

“Shhhhh Tooonnnni, don’t tell anyone but I’ve never done the thing before,” Shelby whisper-slurs. 

Just then, Shelby trips again almost making them both fall over as the vice grip she has on Toni’s waist is yet to loosen. Toni helps steady her and stops them just outside of her apartment door. She leans them both against the wall as she thinks about what Shelby is trying to say. 

“What do you mean?” Toni asks, a little confused.

“The thing , Toni! S-E-X! ” Shelby shouts louder than intended. 

Toni looks at her and again tries to suppress both a giggle and the shock on her face because, well, Shelby is stunning. There is no way no one has ever not wanted to sleep with her. 

“You mean with a woman?” Toni inquires, starting to feel nervous at the situation she finds herself in as she unlocks the door to her apartment. 

“Nope! I mean with anyone! Ever! And now, I want you to fuck me , please, Miss Toni DJ,” Shelby slurs out not believing her own boldness. 

Shelby’s thought about this moment for sure, but she never thought it would be like this. Daddy dearest has always taught her that this is a sacred act between a husband and his wife. Something quiet and respectful to bond them in their holy union for the main purpose of multiplying and replenishing the earth. 

Multiplying and replenishing is not what Shelby is thinking about right now. 

Shelby cannot control how her body is feeling. She never thought she would ever feel as drunk as she does right now, but feeling so clear about what she wants. 

Shelby wants Toni. 

She wants Toni to grab her and touch her in ways that previously would make her feel dirty and ashamed. Yet tonight all she can think about is that tongue on her centre, those hands squeezing her chest, and that deep husky voice telling her all the things she’s about to do to her. 

Shelby is bursting, she cannot take it any longer so she decides to take matters into her own hands to get what she wants - for once!

And Shelby takes matters into her hands by shoving Toni through her own front door the moment she unlocks it and into the wall. Shelby moves her hands frantically and messily all over Toni’s body trying to pull at her shirt, while kissing her wildly. Shelby may be drunk but her body knows she wants this so she is surprised when Toni takes Shelby’s hands in her own and slows them, placing their hands against her chest and letting out a quiet “Fuck.”

“Can we slow this down, Shelby? You need some water,” Toni explains softly, catching her breath looking into Shelby’s glassy eyes struggling to focus. Shelby can barely keep her head straight on top of her own neck, but she’s so turned on and makes a last ditch effort to convince Toni not to stop where her body wants this night to go.  

“Nmmmnn nope. M’fine!” Shelby tries and fails to argue. 

Toni just responds with a knowing look before gently leading Shelby to the living area of her apartment and gets Shelby to sit beside Toni on her old brown leather couch. 

“I’ll tell you what Shelby, you spend some time sobering up and if you still want me after that I’m all yours”

Shelby looks up at her with the softest (yet very obviously still drunk) eyes and gives a shy smile. After a few moments, Shelby concedes defeat and rests her head on Toni’s shoulder. 

“I think maybe I might need that water now please Mr DJ,” Shelby says a little sheepishly. 

Toni gets up, leaves a soft kiss on the top of Shelby’s head, and heads off to grab a bottle of chilled water from the fridge. 

Shelby waits patiently for Toni to return with her water but she can feel her eyelids rapidly drooping and her body starting to wind down. She begs her body to stay alert for a few more minutes so she can have more time with Toni, but she quickly realizes this is a losing…

fucking…

battle.

By the time Toni makes it back to her, less than 2 minutes later, Shelby is gone.  

She’s curled up on Toni’s beat up old couch, her hair splayed across the throw cushion, snoring softly, and absolutely fast asleep. 

And Toni is starting to feel gone , too. 

She feels a tug in her chest and smiles at the sight in front of her. This girl is just different. Toni really hopes that when Shelby wakes up she is still going to be interested, that this wasn’t just a drunken mistake.

Because despite her own flirty bravado, Toni has feelings stirring in her chest that she usually pushes down, rips out, numbs away but something is making her stop. Toni’s not sure if she is ready for where these feelings may lead, but she’s sure of one thing. 

Toni wants Shelby. All of her. 

And Toni is just going to have to get her shit together because this curled up girl who is both the hottest and cutest girl she’s ever seen might just be worth breaking cycles for. 

.

7:30 am. Toni’s Old Leather Couch.  

Shelby sleeps more soundly on that old leather couch than she has in ages. She's not sure how long she’s been asleep but as her eyes groggily start to open, her head pounds as eyes adjust to the room’s brightness. 

She realizes it’s at least past sunrise. She shifts around on the sofa and squeezes her eyes to try to get them to go back to sleep. She definitely isn’t ready for the hangover she will inevitably have. 

As she moves around she notices that she has a pillow under her head and a blanket over her body. Her heart swells at the care Toni has shown her with such a simple act. She opens her eyes fully and realizes that Toni’s kindness doesn’t end there and on the coffee table in front of her is a bottle of water, some aspirin and a note.

Hey sleeping beauty, you passed out and I couldn’t have woken you even if I tried (which I didn’t, you obviously needed to sleep off some cocktails!)

Drink some water and take the pills. If you need me I’m in my room, second door after the kitchen. 

Help yourself to coffee and whatever is in my fridge. There isn’t much. Sorry!

Toni x

Shelby smiles slowly to herself. 

Who is this woman and how is she real?  

Shelby thinks she can’t be real, right? This doesn’t happen to Shelby, or at least the old Shelby.

As Shelby starts to think about her life, her family, her obligations, those old feelings of shame and insecurity start to bubble up inside her. And suddenly the voice in her head that had hyped her all night and encouraged her to be brave, turns cruel and familiar. 

What the hell were you thinking being so reckless?  

You can’t drag Toni into your life. 

You know how daddy is. 

You know what happened last time you went for what you thought you wanted. 

Shelby is not regretting Toni, if anything, Toni deserves better and she is finally allowing herself to think of the consequences of her actions. She regrets letting loose in the first place. 

What if what happened to Becca happens to Toni?  

No, not an option.  

So Shelby listens to her repressed self, removes the navy sweater, and folds it neatly and places it next to Toni’s note. 

Shelby grabs her clutch along with the water and pills Toni left for her and slowly creeps her way to the front door. She falters for a second as she goes for the door handle fighting with herself because she really doesn’t want to leave. 

But she makes herself go. 

With a sigh she pulls at the handle and slips silently out of the door, pulling it gently to close it as quietly as she can. She walks down the corridor as fast as she can, desperate to leave before she can register the familiar regret. 

Shelby once again, chooses anything but herself. 

Chapter Text

7:45am - Toni’s apartment

Toni woke the next morning to the sun shining through the crack in her blind, the same blind she’d sworn to fix the last 4 months. She stirred in her bed and slowly opened her eyes. The banging headache and nausea she anticipated waking up with were alarmingly absent. 

She was confused for a moment before remembering that for the first night in the longest time, Toni had not surpassed a few beers. She had come home early (well early for her!) and she wasn’t drunk and she wasn’t high. The reason: a beautiful blonde that she hoped to high heavens was still asleep on her couch. 

Toni sucked in a large breath, kicked off the duvet and pushed her feet into her sliders. She made her way across the room unsure what she would do when she got to the next room. 

For once she was choosing to believe that her luck was going to change. That her decision to take a chance on Shelby was going to pay off. 

Her positive attitude shattered as soon as she opened the door to see the couch empty, the water and pills gone, the blanket folded and placed carefully on top of the offending furniture, and her sweater on the table next to Shelby’s note. 

“Well fuck,” she cursed under her breath. She should have known good things could never really happen for a Shalifoe. Something about the name apparently. 

8am - Shelby’s apartment

Finally in her apartment building, Shelby entered the lobby and pressed the button for the elevator. Something so normal, a daily task done with ease on any other given day. Today, even this felt different. She knew that after last night she was irrecoverably changed. She felt heavy but empty, confused yet certain. Meeting Toni was going to change her life… if she could just let it. 

As she entered the elevator she checked her phone for the first time since before she went out. Unsurprisingly, she had multiple missed calls from Andrew and a handful from her father. She also had a few texts, the first she decided to read was from Ashley.

Ashley (High School) 

01:14am

Shelbs babe….totally drunk so me and Bri are leaving. You should be able to get home yeah? If not, sorry not sorry, we gotta go 🤷🏻♀️

Shelby rolled her eyes at her so-called friend. Just off and leaving with barely a second thought. How had she surrounded herself with people like this? Toni has shown her more thought and compassion in a few hours than she’d seen in years of “friendship” with these girls. 

The second message was from Shelby’s younger sister. 

Melody 🎶💕👯♀️ 

Yesterday 20:04

Omg Shelby - just heard about Andrew. What a sleaze! You ok? 

Yesterday 21:12

Shelby - answer you phone, Daddy is trying to call you

Yesterday 22:24

Ok, I covered for you after his 4th call went unanswered!! 

You have been at Leah’s with a broken heart, crying all night rendering you unable to speak. Call me asap. You owe me big sis. 

Yesterday 22:25

P.s. I hope you’re ok. ily 💕

Ok. So maybe she did have some people in her life who cared. Despite a large age gap growing up, her sister and her were now close. As was her younger brother Spencer, who moved out of state a year ago but still spoke to both sisters regularly and tried to see them when he could. The three bonded over their difficult home life. The Goodkind household was better described as a pressure cooker than a home. 

The elevator pinged and the doors opened onto Shelby’s floor. She walked up the corridor and realized she was still in last night's clothes, taking the saddest walk of shame and hoping no one has seen her. That’s not the kind of thing she would want getting back to Dave Goodkind. The realization also dawns on her that she fully made out with Toni, a woman, in the middle of a club, in her OWN town! How could she be so reckless?! Now that is something she doesn’t want getting back to Dave Goodkind. 

Speaking of, she realized her first port of call was to phone her father. Damage control was the order of the day. 

She let herself into her apartment and threw her keys onto the island in her kitchen and switched on her coffee machine. Thank goodness for the water and pills she took this morning because she can still feel remnants of a hangover that coffee is needed to fix. She dreads to think how she would feel if Toni hadn’t been looking out for her. Her stomach drops at the thought of Toni and how sweet that gesture had been. 

The machine finally ready, coffee pouring as she takes a deep breath and braces herself to call her father. The mantra “stay strong Shelby” swarming her thoughts - she can pretty much predict how the call will go. 

After a few rings her father answers. 

“Shelby, honey, why didn’t you pick up? Melody says you were with the Leah girl from work - I’m not sure how I feel about her if I’m honest Shelbs”

Shelby lets out an annoyed sigh, here’s her Daddy once again trying to gatekeep who she’s friends with. Leah wasn’t actually her work colleague, that just goes to show how little attention Dave pays when Shelby talks to him. Leah is a regular at the diner and after seeing her most days and spending countless break times chatting over coffee, Leah and Shelby had become great friends despite a rocky start. And by rocky start, Shelby means Leah accusing Shelby of purposefully getting an order wrong to punish Leah for an immoral relationship with an older guy turned out to be something solely in Leah’s paranoid mind, and that little misunderstanding was now firmly water under the bridge. 

“Daddy, Leah is a great friend and she really helped me out last night.” 

Lie number one. 

“She knew how ‘heartbroken’ I was over Andrew and she got me to go to her apartment for some girly time together to cheer me up!”

Lies number two and three. Shelby is used to lying after all this time. She’s not even sure she feels bad about it anymore.

“Well don’t worry sweetheart, I’ve been on the phone to Andrew this morning to sort out all this mess. You really should have been paying him more attention honey. He told me he barely sees you and a young man has needs Shelb… I’m not saying what he did was ok but we also have to be gracious and forgiving like the Lord tells us. He obviously was lonely and many wouldn’t blame him for strayin’ if he isn’t being treated in a husbandly manner.”

Shelby literally couldn’t believe what she was hearing. She was certain that Andrew’s misdemeanor was going to be enough, that she was rid of him forever, but here she was being told this was HER FAULT?! Her father is taking Andrew’s side. 

“I’ve set up a dinner for you two with your mother and I, so don’t worry baby - we can sort this out and you love birds can carry on like none of this nonsense has happened. We will see you this evening at 7, I got us a window table at Rosarios.”

Great, a window seat for all the passers by to see the sorry sight of Shelby being forced back into a relationship she hates. One that’s not real. She feels sick. 

“You’re a good girl Shelby, we’re proud of you and I just know you are gonna make a brilliant wife and momma one day. You won’t let us down, I just know it. Love you Darlin’, bye!”

And with that Dave hangs up the phone. Shelby deflates. She knew her father wanted a certain life for her, one she tried so hard to want for herself, but she cannot believe the cost Dave is prepared to pay to make it happen. Turning a blind eye to the blatant disrespect Andrew had shown his daughter in their relationship, glossing over the ‘no sex before marriage’ rule that for sure wouldn’t be a moral blind spot if the shoe were on the other foot. Shelby suspected it before but she is certain now. Her father is a hypocrite. 

Dave Goodkind may be a hypocrite but he still holds so much power over her life. She knows by cutting ties with her father she loses her momma and her sister. Her lavish apartment isn’t paid for by her waitress wages. After all, ‘It’s a father’s role to make sure his daughter is looked after until her husband can take over’ - so it’s her father who affords her the life she is used to. 

And as much as it pains her to admit it, she loves him. 

He’s her dad and despite the fact she is realizing he isn’t the superhero she had loved as a child, she has lots of wonderful memories with him. It’s a child’s role to honor and respect their parents no matter what, right? Honor your father, isn’t that what the good book says?

Shelby grabs the rest of her coffee and makes her way over to her huge L-shaped sofa and tries to get comfortable. Her body rejecting the luxurious sofa and yearning for a beat up old leather one like it had woken up upon that morning. How can she have gone from the high of last night to this? She can feel tears welling as she ponders how trapped she feels again already. This life is suffocating her. The only thing in years that made her feel free was being with Toni for a few hours at that club - it’s crazy, she only knew her for a few hours but she misses her so much. 

In an attempt to escape reality Shelby puts her phone on charge ready for some mindless scrolling. She opens Instagram first and sees she has a notification and a message. 

1 new notification 

@CampbellDotCom has started following you  

1 new message from @CampbellDotCom

Today 08:13am 

Hey Shelby!

So great to bump into you last night. Hope you and Toni had fun 😉

Just to say, I know things are complicated with you and your family so I will keep zipped about what happened - but I’m here Shelby, I know it’s been a while, you’re still my friend. I’m not dumb - I know it wasn’t you who put an end to us hanging out xxx

Dorothy Campbell is an angel walking this earth, Shelby thinks. This is the kind of friend she needs. One who sees the bigger picture. 

She clicks on Dot’s profile and hits “follow back” then reopens the message. 

@ShelbyFaithGoodkind

Wow Dottie, thank you so much for your message. I really have missed you. 

I got scared and I messed up is how it went. I think it’s probably for the best the way my life is going rn. I can’t risk hurting Toni like that, she’s amazing. 

Can I ask a question though? How did you know that I was interested in Toni that way? Obviously you know now I am interested in women but I’ve only just accepted that myself!

I hope we can go back to being friends again real soon. 

She spends some time looking at her stories, realizes she’s not actually interested in most of the people she follows and switches over to the Twitter app (she will not be using the new name) and catches up with her feed. 

She also realizes she better reply to her sister. She types out a message thanking Melody for covering for her and explains the phone call she just had with her father. Melody will not be shocked at their fathers ludicrous behavior and Shelby is glad to have someone to get that off her chest with. 

As Shelby is about to get up to shower, her phone pings and she sees a reply from Dot. 

1 new message from @CampbellDotCom

Oh Shelby - you thought you were hiding it?! No one looks at their “best friend” the way you used to look at Becca - and also, I practically saw you salivating over Amy Fowler at every basketball game! FYI - Toni played bball at college level 😈 

Look, as for hurting Toni, maybe that’s her decision to make? She can decide if it’s something she wants. She doesn’t like people making decisions for her. 

I will be around at the club tonight and then Wednesday- Sunday night, come down for a drink 🥃 

Shelby winced and laughed to herself at that response, had she really been that transparent? Shelby didn’t think she had even realized that about herself at the time. Maybe she had, she knew she had an intense feeling around girls in comparison to boys but she just thought that’s how all girls felt about their friends. 

She was just a girl supporting other girls - real hard. 

Shelby looks back now and realizes she just didn’t have the words or the knowledge to recognize what was happening for her. If she knew then what she knows now about lives outside of her own very little, very white, Christian, straight, cisgender experience she would have known in a heartbeat that she is very far from straight. She knows this to be gospel now as the thought of Toni running around all sweaty in a basketball jersey just cemented the fact. 

All of that said, Shelby knew that her truth didn’t, couldn’t, matter. She was going to have to go to dinner with her parents and with Andrew and just pick up this sorry charade right where they left off. Dot had said herself how obvious it was that Shelby had been in love with Becca and look where that left them - it was a risk that Shelby wasn’t going to take again. Shelby would lose her father (and very likely her mother) forever if she lived the life she wanted. Shelby will suck it up and sacrifice all in the name of family. 

She’s done it before, she can do it again. 

@ShelbyFaithGoodkind

I’m going to pretend I’m not mortified by that response. Those acting classes I took in 7th grade really were the waste of money daddy said they were then 😂

Ok Dottie, I’ll see what I can do

She sends the message not sure whether she means it or not. She would love to have Dot back in her life, but the more she thinks of her life with someone like Dot in it, the more scared she gets. She knows that someone like Dorothy Campbell will upset the apple cart of her life. Dot genuinely cares for Shelby and if she knew how much she was giving up to keep everyone else around her happy, well, her friend would definitely have something to say about that. 

Shelby notices the painkillers starting to wear off, she is going to need to take a nap to get rid of this hangover before the meal tonight. She heads to her room and strips off her clothes, the last reminder of the night before. Of Toni. Of feeling free. With a sad sigh she dumps her outfit into the laundry basket and pulls on her comfiest pajamas before climbing into her king size bed and wrapping herself in her duvet. 

As she lays there she feels tears fall down her face before she falls asleep. There she finds peace and a dream of dark brown eyes and the feeling of floating. She’s going to stay there for a while, she thinks. 

7pm - Toni’s apartment 

Toni opens the fridge and takes out (another) beer. She dumps herself back down on her couch and takes a swig before opening up a battered old black leather journal and starts scrawling in it. Toni has done this for years, she hated it at first when Bernice, who was more a mother to her than her actual mother, had suggested it to her. 

Toni had spent a stint of time in her mid to late teens living with her best friend Martha’s family. Best friend didn’t do Martha (or Marty as Toni called her) justice, they were sisters of sorts. Marty would always tell her they were soul sisters. Toni had always thought this was a little cheesy but in reality, Marty was right. Platonic soul mates and Toni wasn’t sure there was anyone in this world she loved more than Martha Blackburn. 

When Toni was young and angry and full of suppressed feelings Bernice had given her a journal to encourage Toni to process and understand and rid herself of negative feelings. At first Toni didn’t see the point, she had tried to use it like a diary and as far as she could see, a ‘dear diary’ entry was gonna do fuck all to help her in the shitshow that was her life. 

Toni’s mother was an addict. To drugs, to drink, to sex… you name it she was probably addicted. Sara Shalifoe was in and out of rehab like it was a fucking White Castle. 

An unfortunate symptom of said addictions meant that a young Toni was not once a priority to her mother. She had no idea who her father was, he had been a no show since day one. Little Toni had to fend for herself until the day she met Martha and the Blackburns. 

Toni finally came to understand that having a journal wasn’t the same as writing a diary. It started with her writing down random words for how she was feeling, these words turned into phrases and before she knew it she was writing full poems and lyrics. A talent she never even knew she had. Tonitruly believes the day she got that journal probably saved her life. She hates to think where she would be if she didn’t write or have music. She knows she’s still pretty messed up, but she’s not ‘Sara Shalifoe levels of messed up’ and she takes that as a win!

So here she is, writing in her journal, trying to make sense of the night before. She’s feeling so confused, had she really misread the situation that badly?! Had Shelby taken offence to the fact she stopped them? She didn’t feel like this was the same as all the other one night stands Toni had in the past. Toni had really thought there was a crazy spark there but maybe she was wrong. 

Fuck it. This is too much. She stops writing and grabs her phone and opens her messages. Toni has work later but decides she is going out after. Her head is too loud and she hates how she is feeling.

Toni 19:04

Seth, you out tonight? My set finishes at 2am but if you wanna come hang before that you can? I’m at ‘The Wilds’ again. Bring some stuff, I’ve got cash. 

Seth 19:06

Hell yeah Shalifoe, I’m down. Just got some new stuff in, this shit is goooood. Call it $50 and get me a beer. See you about 10ish?

Toni 19:07

Sweet. See you then. 

Toni knows she’s not making a good choice but life is just a lot for her. Her writing helps and it keeps her somewhat grounded but sometimes it’s just not enough. She is also a DJ, she partied hard, the drugs come with the territory and she knows she can handle it. For Toni, having an addict for a mother didn’t put her off using drugs in the same way it may have for other children with addicts for parents. Toni doesn’t believe she’s worth all that much in this life and if her own mother thought drugs were worth picking over her, she may as well do the same - at least they give her something, more than mother ever did.

Toni finishes her beer and goes to her room to get ready for her night. She wants to look hot tonight, she is going to follow the advice she gave Shelby last night about getting over someone, maybe she just needs to get under someone. 

She pulls on her khaki cargo pants with her black timberlands, a button up vest and two gold chains. Her hair goes up in a messy ponytail. She decides she is looking sufficiently gay and grabs her keys. 

Fuck Shelby. 

Fuck thinking things are ever going to be different for her. She’s heading out and she’s gonna do things the way she always has. 

Full escapism. 

Chapter Text

7pm - Rosario’s Restaurant 

The smell of homemade Italian cuisine as soon as she opens the restaurant door would usually have a comforting effect on Shelby, considering how much she loves Italian food and associates its carbed-filled goodness with stepping outside of the realms of Dave’s pre-approved macros for Goodkind women. Tonight however, the smell makes her nauseous and overwhelms her senses with apprehension and dread. She doesn’t want to be here. 

Dressed in a baby pink, off the shoulder, puff sleeved top paired with high waisted, tight, dark denim jeans and her favorite cream wedges, with her gold cross necklace hanging loosely on her chest adorning her top half. Tugging on her gold cross necklace just enough to make it sting, Shelby feels like she is back in uniform and ready to fulfill her duties as ‘Shelby Faith Goodkind, God fearing, doting daughter.’ She had spent an hour earlier in the night putting together other outfits that felt more her but knowing the reaction she would get, she chose the easier option for everyone but her. 

Very on brand for her.  

It doesn’t take long for her to spot her table. Shelby hears Andrew and her father before she can even see them, both laughing raucously over who knows what. Not that it matters, she can tell straight away that Andrew is giving his fake laugh. Contrary to what Andrew likes to believe, he is an awful liar - Shelby’s met toddlers with a better poker face than his. Dave, obviously, hasn’t noticed nor does he care to - a captive seemingly entertained audience is all his ego needs. Shelby just rolls her eyes and walks over to take a seat next to her mother who is just sitting there meekly and patiently while the boys peacock to one another. 

Jobeth Goodkind is an inoffensive woman. Beautiful but conservative in how she looks, how she acts and how she speaks. Shelby used to admire the way her mother spoke in perfectly scripted, composed answers. She thought her mother had poise and grace but, as the years passed, she began to notice it was all to make her father look good. Shelby was unsure if she’d ever actually heard Jobeth’s true voice leave her lips. Her father was behind every single of one of her mom’s opinions or ideas. At times, Shelby doubted her mother agreed with the things that actually left her mouth. More recently, Shelby’s view had started to shift in regards to Jobeth. She thinks her mother is, at worst, a spineless coward or, at best, a beaten down woman whose given up trying to have a personality of her own. Shelby isn’t sure which is worse. 

“Hi honey, so glad you made it here safely, I’ve missed you the last week or so,” Jobeth speaks softly as she reaches over to give Shelby’s hand a squeeze. 

One thing she will always say about her mother is that she is warm and loving and has always been a safe space for Shelby when most of her childhood and time spent in the home felt very far away from safe. She didn’t walk on a knife edge afraid to say or do the wrong thing. She loved her momma very much. 

“Sorry Momma, things have been busy! I picked up some extra shifts at the diner and then with everything with Andrew,” she looks over at her ex? Boyfriend? and feels nauseous. “Well, it’s just been a bit of a bad time.”

“I know baby, but that’s why your daddy wanted to set up this dinner. He wants to make things all ok for you again,” Jobeth explains, looking so uncomfortable to have any part of this plan.

“And he really thinks this is going to help me?” Shelby scoffs and Jobeth looks at her with a pleading glare and squeezes Shelby’s hand again. 

Dave and Andrew finally notice Shelby has joined the table. Dave gives her a wide smile while Andrew looks appropriately sheepish and physically pained to make eye contact with her. 

“Shelby, darlin’ - there you are. So glad you decided to join us,” even if Dave isn’t trying to sound condescending, he does. 

“Andrew, why don’t we order for the little ladies here and get this night started?” Shelby internally rolls her eyes at the many things wrong with that statement and yet she’s not surprised by it in the slightest. 

“Oh lovely idea honey, I’ve been eyeing up the–” Dave cuts her off before Jobeth can finish her sentence.

“Jojo here will have the grilled lemon herb Mediterranean salad with a lime and low cal tonic… what will you be getting for our Shelby, Andrew?”

Shelby really rolls her eyes this time. First, Dave cuts her mother off mid sentence and secondly proceeds to order her the blandest, lowest calorie option on the menu. She awfully familiar with her father’s unspoken messages to the Goodkind girls about their bodies. It’s a miracle none of them have developed an eating disorder. 

“Ummm, I dunno, um, I’ll get Shelby the Lobster Risotto and a glass of the Chianti?”

That does it. That finally breaks Shelby. With a literal facepalm, she can no longer bite her tongue.

“Are you freaking serious right now Andrew?! I knew that we didn’t really know each other but come on, this is a basic one! I’m deathly allergic to shellfish and you order me the damn Lobster!” She scoffs and her father glares at her in an attempt to quieten her down.

“Don’t look at me like that, daddy! Why are you pushing this? Do you really want me to get back together with a man who doesn’t even know eating shellfish can LITERALLY kill me?! I can overlook him not knowing that I don’t really like red wine, and that if I were going to drink it, the only one I can stomach is Rioja. Do you know what Andrew? That unfortunate soul from your work is welcome to you… I am not doing this. Daddy, I’m not living this lie anymore so you can forget about Andrew and I okay.”

Shelby starts to gather her things and pushes her chair out to leave.

“Where are you going, sweetheart?” Her mother asks, her anxious eyes darting between Shelby and a fuming Dave.

“I’m leaving, Momma. I cannot cope any longer. Being controlled and having every aspect of my life dictated to me, even down to what I frickin’ eat... you may be ok with that life, Momma, but I’m not. And Daddy, if you’d taken even a second to pay attention to your wife, you would have known she had been looking at the Gabriello Ravioli and, for heaven's sake, order the lady a glass of Prosecco - it’s her favorite!”

With that, Shelby picks up her phone and her purse and storms away from a furious Dave Goodkind and an absolutely gobsmacked Andrew Johnson. It’s the second best thing she’s done in the last few days. 

Now, Shelby wants to go and fix her first best thing. She just hopes her courage hasn’t shown up too late. 

She hurries home trying to think of a plan. Tonight has been a true wake up call and she's so ready to live her life freely and wide awake. She finds Instagram and opens her most recent DM.

8:30pm

To - @CampbellDotCom

Dot, are you and Toni gonna be at the club tonight?  

12:15am - The Wilds

Standing in her DJ booth taking in the crowd below her, Toni knows she’s successfully numbed all the feelings she was trying to escape. All she feels is the pulse of the music in her veins, the lights flashing around her elevated by the high she is feeling, her face tingling from the alcohol. This is everything she hoped to experience tonight and she is loving the feeling of escape she has right now. Feeling out of control is ironically one of the few things that makes Toni feel in control. Toni’s life has been a series of one chaotic moment after another and she now finds peace in that chaos. 

As the music plays she knows she has time to go grab another drink so she stumbles down the stairs and practically pin balls herself from patron to patron to reach the bar where she spots the blur of someone who is hopefully Dot.

“Dorothy Campbell, line me up another beer if you’d be so kind, my homie.” 

“My homie?! Jesus, Shalifoe, how fucked up are you? As if you just said that!” 

Dot lets out a laugh in disbelief at just how much of a dork Toni seems right now. Dot knows this is the cocky version of Toni that she finds difficult to stomach. There are two versions of Toni’s cockiness - the endearing one that is Toni sober, and the obnoxious one who genuinely thinks she is some kind of gangster trying to be cool. The latter version appears when Toni has god knows what in her system. 

“Dot’s right Toni, you really aren’t as cool as you think you are,” Fatin appears behind the bar and slides Toni her beer. 

“Oh fuck off both of you. You’re both just jealous I’m about to hit the big time, and you’re worried I’ll leave your asses behind,” Toni swigs at her beer and completely misses the look that Fatin and Dot give each other at that comment. 

“Sure Toni, that’s what it is. Talking of leaving our asses, how was your night with blondie after you ditched our usual post set drinks for her?” Fatin teases. 

“Oh, her. Well, she was gone by morning so she made it pretty fucking clear that she wanted what every girl wants from me.” Toni gulps again. “I didn’t even get the bonus of a good time cos she was too drunk to even give it up.” 

“Toni, stop, I don’t think it’s like that. I’ve known Shelby since we were kids - she really isn’t like that,” Dot interjects.

Toni knows better, though. Toni knows people let her down no matter how nice they appear. So when Toni decides to close a door on someone, well good luck getting it open again. Shelby had her chance and she missed it - at least that’s what Toni keeps telling herself.

“Whatever Dot. I’m over it. Fatin, I’ll grab another drink for the road as well,” Fatin gives Dot a worried glance.

“Fucking hell, Fatin. Don’t pull that face. Just do your job and get me a goddamn beer,” Toni sneers. 

“Fine, but just know you’re being an utter dick. I should have guessed with Seth hanging around. Maybe just slow down on whatever else you’ve got up there Toni - do your job and finish the set properly cos right now you’re higher than a bird’s pussy.” 

With that Fatin slams another beer on the counter and walks off. Toni knows she is right, she is absolutely taking things out on her friends right now but with how wasted she is feeling she’s finding it difficult to care.

“Ugh. Who the fuck cares!” Toni shouts as she heads back to the booth. 

1:45am - The Wilds Entrance

Shelby takes a shaky breath and smooths down her bright red skirt and straightens her black bandeau top. 

Once Dot confirmed that Toni is playing tonight and will finish at 2am, Shelby spent the rest of the evening trying to find the exact right outfit that screams “I’m an idiot, I never should have left, please give me another chance while I look hot for you.” It took her a while to find something while also taking time to come up with and rehearse her speech, that pageant training may as well come in use for something. It needed to be perfect. Shelby needed to be perfect. 

With her speech locked down and a very loose plan, Shelby enters the club. She spots Dot and Fatin first and heads over to them. Fatin raises an eyebrow and Shelby sees Dot whispering in her ear, Fatin’s face going from shock to soft in a matter of seconds. Shelby finally makes it to them and Dot explains that Toni isn’t exactly in the most accommodating of moods but Shelby is determined not to let this deter her plan. 

Fatin offers her a drink but Shelby politely declines, she wants this to be 100% her, no Dutch courage like the night before. 

She sees the moment Toni notices her - and the look she sends Shelby’s way makes her think that the speech she has rehearsed may not go quite to plan.

“Oh shit, good luck with that one, Princess Peach,” Fatin laughs but also gives Shelby a reassuring squeeze of an arm.

“Just go speak your truth Shelb, she’s pissed but you need to fight for her. But also know she’s not herself right now so you might not get through to her tonight. Don’t give up on her or on yourself,” Dot hugs her then pushes her in Toni’s direction. 

Toni is packing up her stuff as Shelby approaches the steps to the mezzanine and, when she gets to the bottom, Toni puts her things down and storms down to meet her.

“What do you want Shelby?”

Well, at least she’s talking to her. A positive start, Shelby thinks. 

“Toni, I fucked up.”

“Yeah, you did. What do you want me to do about it?”  

Shelby knows by Toni’s icy tone this isn’t going to be easy. 

“Please give me a chance to explain. I know you felt what I was feeling last night. It was more than a hook up and I think you know it. I never should have left you this morning.” 

Shelby hopes beyond hope that she can get through to Toni despite the very obvious anger emanating from her. 

“I don’t even know you Shelby, why the hell would I give you a chance after I took a fucking risk on you and you did the one thing I can’t handle? You left! That’s hard to come back from in my world. You’ve got everyone thinking you’re all rainbows and unicorn shit but I see you… you just take what you want, fuck whatever or whoever you want and who cares who gets hurt along the way - as long as you get what you need, is that right princess ?”

This makes Shelby snap. The pageant princess speech she planned is well and truly out of the window. Shelby has never had the chance to take anything she wants. 

“That’s not it, Toni, that’s so freakin’ far from my reality. You don’t know my life, you don’t understand the expectations and pressures that are put on me. Nothing in my life is there for me to take. Every single thing is controlled and mapped out for me! Last night is literally one of  the only times I’ve gone against what’s expected of me.”

This really isn’t going how Shelby expected. Toni seems so irritated and it’s like Shelby’s words are just pushing her further away. 

She tries again. 

“My life isn’t easy like everyone thinks. I do have actual problems, like way more than people think. My daddy-”

Shelby is cut off before she gets to finish what she is trying to say by Toni letting out an exasperated laugh.

“Shelby, you know, if you’re trying to out sad me, it’s a losing fucking battle!”

Toni just isn’t getting it. 

“But you’re free Toni, don’t you see that? You don’t have to answer to anyone!”

Shelby is getting desperate for Toni to understand but Toni just keeps going.

“And neither do you, not right now anyway. I mean, you’re on a deserted dance floor, a million miles away from everyday life, from whatever bullshit expectations you have outside of those doors. You know, you’re free here too, Shelby, and if you’re not taking advantage of that I don’t know what the fuck to tell you!” 

Toni is right. And Shelby is losing this battle. Shelby needs to take another chance, just like last night, but this time she has to commit. Toni either wants her with all her baggage or she doesn’t. And that’s ok. Shelby has had too many people she’s had to bend to, right now she’s choosing herself and she wants all of Toni. 

Even her baggage. 

With that thought running through her mind, Shelby grabs Toni’s furious but beautiful face in her hands and just kisses her with all the ferocity she can muster like it’s the only way she can communicate to Toni how she feels. 

She can tell Toni is shocked at first, but she soon melts into the kiss and Shelby feels Toni’s hands drop to her waist. Toni’s fingers dig into her hips as she pulls Shelby closer. Butterflies erupt in her stomach and she can’t believe this is happening. 

Before Shelby gets too lost in the kiss she remembers what Dot had told her earlier, that Toni wasn’t herself right now. Shelby needs to be sure that this is what Toni wants. She slowly breaks this kiss and takes a better look at Toni. 

Toni’s eyes are diluted and bloodshot, she doesn’t seem like she can focus and the freshly lit club seems to be making it hard for Toni to keep her eyes open without squinting. 

Oh Toni, what have you done to yourself?  

She knows that Toni has taken something on top of being pretty drunk, and Shelby isn’t willing to start anything while Toni isn’t in control of her body. Toni isn’t able to consent to a damn thing right now. 

“Why’d ya stop?” Toni asks, looking confused but still holding Shelby firmly in place.

“I didn’t want to, Toni, but I think we need to stop - just like you made me stop last night, cos you’re not ok. Let’s talk tomorrow when you’re sober?”

Toni’s face falls and Shelby’s heart breaks a little to see Toni look so sad. 

“Oh, so you’re leaving again? Shocker!” Toni has obviously gone into fight mode so Shelby quickly reassures her. 

“No, Toni, no. I want to talk tomorrow, fresh and clean with nothing clouding either of our judgements. Can you please trust me on this?” She whispers as she gently strokes Toni’s cheek with her thumb. 

“Trust isn’t easy for me, Shelby. Please don’t break it.” The pleading look in Toni’s eyes makes Shelby feel like she wants to protect this woman from any and all pain. 

“I won’t. Give me your phone.”

Toni hands it over and Shelby puts her number in. 

“It’s in your court now, baller. Text me tomorrow when you’ve sobered up. Let’s start again.”

Shelby leans in to kiss Toni softly on the lips. 

“Please go home and look after yourself. Be safe, ok?”

And for the second time in 24 hours, Shelby walks out of this club feeling free.  

Chapter Text

10am - Katy’s Diner

Shelby didn’t think about her 8am shift when she made it her mission to apologize to Toni at 2am. She doesn’t regret it, she’s just pushing 30 and definitely starting to feel it. 

Despite her heavy eyelids, her lethargic body, and her sloth-like reflexes, Shelby can’t stop the grin on her face or the ‘pep in her step’ as her Nanna Barbra would say. She can’t help but think back to last night, the way Toni kissed her back and how disappointed she looked when Shelby stopped them. She hopes to kiss her again soon, to see her smile and see her cute dimple on her cheek…

Oh Lordy Shelby, you’re at work. Get your head straight (or not as the case may be).

Regardless of what happens with Toni, Shelby is so proud of herself for what she did the night before.

She still hasn't heard from her parents. A call will be coming, that’s for sure, but for now Shelby is going to bask in the feeling of choosing herself, of standing up for what she knows she deserves. She is done hiding. As scary as it is, meeting Toni has made her even more certain that only an authentic life, despite what that is likely to mean for Shelby, is what she truly wants.

She is gay. She doesn’t want to be with a man ever again. She exclusively likes women and there is one woman in particular that hasn’t left her thoughts since Friday night. 

She hasn’t told anyone but Dot and that was over a DM so it almost doesn’t feel real. Shelby isn’t sure how she would feel actually saying those words out loud. 

Maybe like a liberated queen?  

Maybe she will vomit on whichever unlucky soul she chose to tell? 

As it turns out, Shelby is able to test that theory a few hours into her shift at the diner as she sits down for her lunch break, headphones in and tucking into her lunch of chicken dippers and fries. 

Fuck you, Mr. Goodkind.  

“Ok Shelby… spill!”

Shelby looks up from her food and sees her friend Leah sitting opposite her with an inquisitive glint in her eyes. Leah is always concocting some kind of theory so Shelby is keen to find out exactly what she’s meant to spill.

“Spill? What do you mean?”

“What is going on with your face? That goofy smile you’ve had all morning? I’ve literally never seen you look like that. For someone who has just been cheated on, it looks very out of place.”

Shelby has no idea she’s being so obvious. She’d actually forgotten that, to most people, she should be broken up about the fact her longtime boyfriend went and got down and nasty with someone else. 

Very. Publicly.

Leah cuts her off before she can speak. 

“And you’ve literally been humming Taylor Swift all morning, now you’re over here listening to ‘Enchanted’ on repeat,” Shelby goes to argue but Leah carries on with a knowing look. “Don’t deny it, Goodkind. The volume on your headphones is louder than you think. You are acting like you’re in a literal RomCom right now. You know I won’t stop, I’m not known for being rational so you might as well just tell me.”

Shelby knows Leah is right, it’s pointless. Also, if Shelby is going to go full truth on anyone, Leah is the person she should tell. With all the crazy Leah has pulled in the past, Shelby knows Leah won’t judge.

“Ok fine, I met someone.”

12:45pm Toni’s Apartment 

Much like the day before, Toni awakens to bright sunlight assaulting her through the broken slats of her bedroom blinds. Unlike the day before, Toni knows she’s not waking up hangover-less. She feels like she’s been hit by a freight train, and a car, and then reversed over by said car. 

She pulls the covers over her head as if they held some kind of miraculous healing power but, after the very brief relief from the bright sunlight, she kicks out her legs and lets out a groan as she realises that it’s actually done fuck all to help her cause. 

Rolling over and tapping her hands around on the bed until she finds her phone, she thinks it’s probably time to attempt opening her eyes properly. Her bleary vision finally focuses and she can see that her phone is dead. 

Shit, I’m gonna actually have to get up. 

Reluctantly, she begins the arduous task of getting up. She grabs a sufficiently clean vest from the pile on her floor (she continuously jokes with herself that she will sort it “soon”) and pulls it over her head. As she does this, she knows she needs to add ‘ take a shower’ to her long list of things she doesn’t want to do today. 

She drags her sorry ass into the living room and grabs the discarded phone charger from the coffee table. The same table that is covered with empty beer bottles and pizza boxes, just another task to add to her list. 

Toni does not feel good about today. 

Once she plugs her phone in, she heads to the kitchen to make some coffee. She needs some caffeine assistance if she is going to manage even the most basic of functions. 

Coffee in hand, she slumps down on the couch and picks up her phone. Every time she feels hungover like this (a lot) she just needs the calming influence of her person; so it just became a kind of ritual for her to call Martha so that she can reassure her that this hangover isn’t actually going to kill her - just like the one before didn’t. Toni can’t help but be dramatic when she feels like this. 

Scrolling through her contact list because she’s “practically a cave person” according to Fatin, who was dumbfounded to discover Toni couldn’t be bothered to set up speed dial for anyone on her phone, she finally gets to the S’s where she’s waiting to see “Soul Sista” appear on her screen after letting Martha name herself in Toni’s phone. Before she gets there, though, she has her memory jogged in the most glorious way as she finds something surprising in her list of S’s.

Shelby Goodkind 💕💋

Last night comes flooding back to her. The club, the fight, the kiss, the affection, and the care with which Shelby put a stop to things so that Toni can make her own mind up in the clear light of day. 

Suddenly, Toni doesn’t feel so bad about today after all.

1:30pm - Katy’s Diner  

“Ok Shelby, wow. That’s a lot!” Shelby waits with bated breath as Leah processes everything she’s just been told about the last 48hrs of her life. 

“Yeah it is, I’m not even sure I’ve fully taken it all in yet, I just know that even through the craziness I feel kinda peaceful for once if that makes sense. And I know it’s crazy but Toni is a big part of that and…” Leah cuts her off with the softest look.

“Shelby, stop. You’re not crazy. Well, not that I have the best grasp on that,” they both chuckle. 

“What I know is that I’ve never seen you look so relaxed. You always seemed so uptight and heavy. I guess I know why now. I can’t believe you’ve had to live like that for so long. And, I’m sorry if I speak out of turn, but your dad sounds like an absolute douche canoe.”

Shelby spits out her diet cola and laughs until she feels tears stream down her cheeks. Eventually though, her tears of laughter become tears of sadness. 

“Yeah, I guess he is, but I feel like I’m stuck with the canoe. I kinda need him,” Shelby speaks softly, avoiding Leah’s piercing blue eyes. 

Leah looks confused, and questions why.

“Do you really think I can afford to live on my own and drive the Mercedes out there in the parking lot all on the wonderful pay and benefits I get here at Katy’s? I barely have enough to pay for food and gas every month without help from my Daddy. He always said I didn't even need this job cos he would look after me ‘til I married Andrew and then that would become his duty as a husband.”

Shelby smiles at the little grimace Leah pulls at hearing that.

“Gross,” Leah groans. “That’s so archaic Shelby.” 

Shelby nods in agreement and then is completely blindsided by what she hears next.

“What if you didn’t have to pay rent alone though? I may be way out of left field here but if you had the chance to not depend on him, would you? My roommate, Nora, is sick of having to deal with me ‘moping about Jeff all day,’ and suggested we clear out the spare room and sublet it. Maybe, you could have it?” 

Does Shelby want to depend on her father anymore? She absolutely does not.

“Think about it Shelby: rent split 3 ways, we share the bills and the groceries. I’d have to check with Nor but I’m sure, given your situation, she’d be cool with letting you pay lower rent as the spare room is smaller than ours anyway. Just think about it!”

“Oh Holy Cow Leah, are you serious? I don’t even need to think about it. I’ve come this far in the last 48hrs, I may as well go the whole hog in pissing off my father! Train wrecks unite, right?”

Leah laughs and Shelby sees the blue in Leah’s eyes glisten .

“Yeah Shelbs, train wrecks unite! I think this will be good. For both of us, actually.”

Shelby can’t help but grin widely and nod her head in agreement. 

“So, has she texted you yet?” Leah asks with a smirk. 

“Arrggghhh nooooooooo, and I’m freaking out! What if it really is too late? What if I’ve just totally embarrassed myself?”

Before she gets a chance to receive any reassurance from her friend, she hears her boss’ stern voice. 

“Back to work, Goodkind, those tables aren’t gonna wait themselves.”

“Sorry, Miss Katy, straight back to it!”

4:15pm - Toni’s apartment  

Martha is the only person who can keep Toni talking for so long. It’s a few hours into their phone call and Toni finally finishes filling her in on the events of the weekend. 

“So she really came back to the club to try to win you back? That’s kinda romantic,Toni, even if what she did by leaving that morning wasn’t good. She obviously felt some kind of guilt over it and realized her mistake.”

Toni let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Marty was always so good at helping Toni gain clarity and insight. Toni’s always been fast to anger, too quick to dismiss people or situations without considering all angles. Her ex had compared her to birchwood, one tiny spark and she turns into an inferno. Toni had been so pissed at Regan’s analogy, but as the years passed, Toni soon came to acknowledge that Regan was actually pretty close to spot on with that description. Control has always been hard for Toni. 

“Yeah dude and that’s the thing,” Toni starts only to be interrupted with a giggle from her sister on the other end of the phone.

“Don’t call me dude, Toni, it sounds weird.”

“Whatever DUDE, but what I was trying to say is that I kinda do believe her. I don’t know why but I guess I’ve had a lot of people bullshit me in my life and I can smell out lies, and I think she meant what she said. Like, I feel calm around her and more in control than I’m used to, but at the same time I’ve got no control over it whatsoever! I mean, fuck, I’ve met her like twice but it just feels crazy good to be around her, with her. It’s exhilarating Martha. I don’t know what to do with all that!”

It feels amazing to say it out loud. 

Toni lets out a sigh of relief and waits to hear what sage advice she’s about to receive.

“Yes you do, Toni. You know exactly what to do. Send the text! Don’t be scared. I don’t think I’ve ever heard you talk about someone like that. Even with Regan it was different. I can’t see you but I can hear that smile down the phone!” 

She knows Martha is right. Toni is terrified, but she is nothing but reckless, she really wants to get to know Shelby even with the risks to her own heart.

“Yeah man, I know, I know. Ok, fuck it, I’ll text her. I really think this could be something good.”  

Toni means it.

“Get the girl, Toni! Ok, I’ve gotta run anyway, Marcus is on his way and we are taking his nana to get groceries.”

With that the sisters say their goodbyes and Toni finds herself alone, phone still in hand. She needs to do this now before she leaves Shelby hanging any longer. 

4:30pm - Katy’s Diner 

The end of what felt like the world's slowest shift was finally upon Shelby. She wasn’t sure if it was the tiredness that made it seem slow or the fact she was still agonizingly waiting for a text or call from Toni which she was starting to lose hope would ever come. 

She wanders slowly over to her locker and puts her work things away and collects her keys and purse. She feels like she’s in a daze with everything that has happened to her in the space of the weekend. 

She had often spent hours daydreaming about escaping from her own life, about just leaving all that baggage weighing her down. She had begun to doubt if the real Shelby would ever see the light of day again and prevail. And here she is now, on the precipice of change and she thinks she may finally have found the gumption she needs to embrace it. 

She leaves the back room and sees that Leah is still sitting at the same table from earlier, her head stuck in a book, and Shelby heads towards her friend. She has never felt so grateful for her friend as she does right now. Leah has just handed Shelby the keys to a new life and Shelby is determined that she is going to make the most of it. 

“Want a lift, roomie?!” Leah looks up her book and gives a wide smile and a thankful nod. 

As Leah is packing up her book and notepad, Shelby finally hears the sound she’s been fantasizing about all day. The ding of a new text on her phone. Both girls stop what they are doing and look at each other. Shelby feels a buzz take over her body, her tummy erupting with butterflies as she picks her phone up to unlock it

New Message

+1 (507) 555-6578

4:36pm

Hey Shelby, it’s Toni. 

Sorry for keeping you waiting so long.

Was pretty hungover this morning. 

Turns out you were right, who knew!

Anyway, here I am in what I believe to be a sober state and I’d very much like to take you for a coffee 

4:38pm

If you still want. No pressure. 

Shelby Goodkind 💕💋

Hi

Sorry to hear you are hungover this morning - make sure to drink lots of water!

Yes, I am sometimes right 😂

And yes Toni, I can’t wait for you to take me for coffee 💕

Chapter Text

Wednesday - Shelby’s apartment 

It had been 3 days since the text at the diner and since then Shelby had been in almost constant contact with Toni. They had set their coffee date for Friday and Shelby couldn't be more excited. The problem was she also felt a lot of other things and she really hoped she could shift them by the time it came 6pm Friday. 

Shelby, as expected, had a lot of calls from her parents since the night at Rosario’s. Her voicemail was full of unheard rants from her father. She couldn’t bear to listen to them - she was doing a stellar job at ignoring them. She really hoped the mantra she’d created would somehow come true - “ignore it and it will go away,” she told herself. 

She was also a realist, she absolutely knew she wasn’t going to be able to put this off much longer. She was going to have to speak to him, she wasn’t going to apologize but she was going to tell him her plans to live with Leah and Nora, something that terrified and excited her in equal measure. She had already spoken to Melody about it and her little sister supported her fully.

What she wasn’t sure about, however, was whether she was ready to open herself up to telling her parents that she was done with the pretense that was her life as a straight woman. That was a whole other risk she wasn’t sure she was ready for. Dave Goodkind had made his feelings, and threatened consequences of what would happen if Shelby “chose” this life quite clear; even at the slightest of inclinations that Shelby was anything other than the good conservative Texan Christian girl he had raised. What he had seen happen with Becca, Shelby wasn’t even sure he had SEEN anything, it was merely a peck, was enough to cause that friendship/relationship to crumble. The way Shelby had handled the whole situation was, to this day, her biggest shame. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to cope with all this again and she knew for a fact Toni was too good, and had been through enough to be put into the firing line to be hurt by her. Maybe it’s just one secret she’ll have to hold onto for a little longer. 

She had made up her mind about the rest though. She was going to make that phone call sooner rather than later. She knew what the outcome was going to be and she knew what she was going to lose. She looked around her soon to be former apartment. It was modern and sleek with white, black and chrome interior throughout the open plan kitchen and living area. On the breakfast bar stood her coffee machine and other expensive gadgets, the floor to ceiling refrigerator with water and ice dispenser stood tall and proud but inside only enough food for one, her worktop hosted luxury accessories including a boiling water tap for instant access to as much herbal tea as she could drink. She sighed at the loss but in that moment she realized this place was cool, but it didn’t feel like home. It felt clinical and she hadn’t made any attempts to add any personal touches. There were no photos or art work, no bookshelves full of books she would never really read. It was like she had been using a long term airbnb - always knowing deep down this place wasn’t hers, no matter how cool and modern it was. Just another place to feel lonely. 

Strolling from her kitchen to her lounge area with a glass in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other, she sets it all down on the coffee table and sinks into the couch. She takes a deep breath, she leans enough to pull her phone out of her back pocket, finds the litany of missed calls from her father, unlocks it, pulls up his contact, and makes the call. Dave Goodkind answers by the second ring.

“Hi Daddy, I think we need to talk…”

The conversation went exactly as expected. Dave was not happy about his daughter's choices and had made it very clear to her that he was extremely worried about “the path upon which you are walking Shelby.” He didn’t think it was right that she would choose to downgrade herself in life, living like she was part of some “sordid sorority” - come on Dave, 3 people a sorority does not make! 

As predicted he had told Shelby that if this is the choice she was making he would not be supporting her, that he was only supporting her until her husband was able to and seeing as she was actively not pursuing a husband and “throwing away a perfectly good relationship” he would no longer spend his precious money while she heads down a rabbit hole of sin. He really was a drama queen Shelby thought. 

It was strange. She didn’t know how to feel after she had hung up the phone. The overriding feeling was of relief but she didn’t expect to feel as sad as she did. She knew she was on the verge of losing her family, and although finding herself was a huge pay off, she still felt grief over what she is likely to lose. Another strong feeling she has was guilt, guilt over still hiding such a fundamental part of herself. Guilt that she was once again disrespecting what she once had with Becca and surprisingly an even stronger feeling of denying what she was starting to feel with Toni. It was crazy, she hasn’t even been on a proper date or had a hugely meaningful conversation with her yet but Shelby just knew that what she felt was BIG. She was ashamed to hide that. 

Gulping down her wine she prepared herself to make another phone call, this time though she was buzzing with excitement. She called Leah to let her know the deed was done and that she would be moving in at the end of the month

“I’m so happy for you Shelby!” Leah gushed. “This is going to be so much fun. We can arrange a moving-in party, get some friends together and get all your stuff moved over and we can pay them in beer and pizza,” Leah sounded so genuinely happy and excited for the move and Shelby couldn’t help but smile. 

“Sounds great Leah, I’ll text Dottie and some people later.”

”By some people, I’m concluding you mean Toni?” Leah calls her out.

“Maybe. I need to get through this date first, but I’m so nervous Leah!” She takes a deep breath. “What if, what if I’ve just built it up in my head?” Shelby didn’t even realize she was so nervous until she said that out loud. 

“You guys have been texting loads right? Toni doesn’t seem the type to be all texty if she’s not interested.” Leah paused. “I think you’re good. But, do you wanna come here first and I’ll help you get ready and I’ll be here to talk you down when you inevitably get in your head and overthink everything?” Leah’s chuckle lets Shelby know she is being somewhat tongue and cheek but they both knew there was truth in there too.

“Sounds great, I’ll come over at about 3:30.” 

Thursday - Toni’s apartment 

Another morning, another hangover for Toni. At 27 she really should consider not drinking while she works but it’s just become a habit at this point. The prep, the set, the after party, she just gets wrapped up in it all. Toni’s passion has always been her biggest strength and her biggest weakness all in one. Toni’s all or nothing and she’s been that way for as long as she can remember. It’s how her friendship with Martha took off. Toni had seen Martha on her first day at her new school in second grade, Martha was quiet but Toni just knew somehow that she had a kind heart. The others kids didn’t see it though and after Daniel Rowan had pushed Martha over to get the coloring pencil she was using, Toni’s passion took over. After a trip to both the school nurse and the principal's office, Toni had decided she was all in with this friendship of hers. She and Marty had been inseparable since. 

She was starting to feel that “all-in-ness” form in the pit of her stomach each and every time she got a text from the blonde bombshell who had barrelled into her life. Waking up to a slew of texts from Shelby made the hangover seem like the smallest of inconveniences rather than the all consuming feeling of death she so usually let herself indulge in. 

Their messages had become a lot more flirty as the week progressed and as Toni clicked onto her messages she saw that this morning was continuing in that vein.

Shelby Goodkind 💋 

07:46

Morning superstar DJ, hope your set went well. Not that I’m in any doubt about it! Hope you got home safe 💕

07:47

Just realized the time, no way you’ll be up yet I guess. Boo 😔 

08:03

Seems like I guessed right? Hope you’re at least dreaming about me? I’m gonna have to find something to pass the time. Maybe I’ll daydream about this beautiful but cocky DJ I met the other night….

10:05

Shelby! Why are you texting me before 8am?!

10:06

I thought you said you weren’t a morning person….this might change things for me

10:07

Joking aside, set was ok. Kirin was being a dick as per but the crowd was good. Got home ok, got an Uber and then hit the deck pretty quick after that. 

10:09

I'm a bit hungover but your texts just made it all better. I hope your day dreaming went well. That beautiful but cocky DJ sounds awful, you should ditch her. Maybe I could interest you in a college baller drop out? She promises to wear a jersey while she helps you move next week…a little bird told me you’d be into that?

Shelby Goodkind 💋

10:17

OMG IM GONNA KILL DOTTY ☠️ 

I can’t believe she told you that 

10:18

She ain’t wrong though….I’m really into that 😘 🏀 

The conversation continued with a back and forth about exactly how good Shelby thinks Toni will look “all sweaty and bicepey” and how Toni would be more than happy to put on a show. Toni couldn’t get over how easy this was and it was starting to unnerve her a little. Luckily she was due to meet Dot and her manager Rachel later in the day for lunch. She hopes she can get a moment to get a little more information from Dot that might help settle her a little. 

A few hours pass and in that time Toni has managed to eat some peanut butter on toast and drink her black coffee, picked up the old clothes laying around her living area and scribbled some notes and the starts of some lyrics in her journal. All in all a productive morning for a Shalifoe. 

As she clocks the time she realizes it’s time to get ready for her lunch meeting. Although technically she knows this is a work meeting, Rachel has never really cared too much for formalities so Toni knows that changing into her green oversized tee, black shorts, white and black rimmed crew socks and a pair of vans will be perfectly acceptable. She grabs her keys and starts her walk to the cafe where she is meeting Rachel and Dot. 

Lunch starts with the business first. Rachel updates Toni of any upcoming bookings, of which there are many and with some really exciting prospects on the horizon - even mentions a chance to play a DJ set at some music festivals overseas. Professionally, Toni is currently acing it. Her unique style is catching the eyes (ears) of some important people according to her manager. 

Toni had met Rachel during her stint at college before she decided to drop out. Both played ball and both were studying business management at the time. It had taken them both a minute to warm up to one another but after the rapport they had built on the court and many months of team bonding - that trust started seeping over into a real life friendship too. Rachel was probably Toni’s first real friendship since she left Minnesota and it was one she really valued. Rachel's competitive nature and the fact she was a straight talker had eventually endeared itself to Toni. When it came to a point in her DJ career that Toni realized she needed a manager, it was a no-brainer that she’d ask her friend. Rachel had agreed despite it being outside of her expertise, she figured the principles and the skills would be transferable and it turned out she was right. Once again Toni and Rachel were part of a thriving team. Dot was “just along for the ride dude!”  

“The only snag with all this attention and these bookings coming in fast is that people are watching you closely Toni, the more popular you become, the more scrutiny you are under.” Rachel leaned in and lowered her voice before continuing.

“People know you’re talented but they also are picking up on your taste for the extracurriculars that come along with it all. So we just need to manage your public image carefully, and we need to be cautious of who you are aligning yourself with professionally and personally. That means maybe not being seen dealing with fucking Seth or spending too much time with Kirin,” Rachel cautiously explains, she knows Toni well enough to know her capability to get defensive when she feels she’s being attacked. 

“Yeah I know man, I really am trying to slow down with it all. I gotta find a better way to deal with my stress. And the situation with Kirin is complicated,” Toni shoots Dot a guilty glance and hopes Rachel doesn’t pick up on it. 

“Personally won’t be a problem cos I hang out with approximately 4 other people, 2 are you fuckers right here and 1 of the others is in another state. And well, there is Fatin, but we know she’s actually harmless once you get past all the bravado.” Both Dot and Rachel nod in agreement. 

“Only four Shalifoe? Did I do my math wrong or is there a certain blonde friend of mine that makes it five?” Dot says with a smirk.

“Ohhhh do tell Dorothy,” Rachel urges her to go on. 

“Yes Toni, how is Shelby?” Dot questions.

Toni rolls her eyes but she is actually really happy that she hasn’t had to bring up Shelby herself, she’s been dying to talk about it.

“It’s going well I think, I've been texting most days and we finally have that date tomorrow. Keeping it low pressure and I’m just gonna take her to that new espresso bar Academy. They have a street food truck, live music and cocktails and shit in the evenings so it should be fun,” she explains with an air of excitement. 

“Oh, and then I’m helping her move into her new apartment next week. Her housemate Leah suggested doing a moving-in party so both me and Campbell have been roped in. Not that I really mind, I just like bitching to Shelby about it,” she lets out a little laugh. 

Rachel gives her a pensive look.

“Shelby? Blonde, Texan, moving out to escape the clutches of her Westboro Baptist lovin’ father?”

Toni looks confused as Dot confirms it’s the same Shelby.

“Well, what a small world, Nora is Shelby’s other new house mate,” Rachel explains. 

“Your sister Nora? That's crazy. Wait, what do you mean Westboro Baptist loving father? Dot, I thought you said she was cool?? How did I not know this?” Toni could feel herself spiraling.

“Toni, chill. Shelby is NOTHING like her father. Take note of the part where she is escaping his clutches. Dave Goodkind is the worst kind of Christian, the ones that aren’t actually Christians, he’s just a judgemental bigot who ain’t even able to see past his own fucking nose. He’s a control freak and he’s made Shelby feel small and judged her whole life. She’s never said that to me but everyone outside of the ridiculous church circles she moved in during high school could see it.”

Rachel nodded along before adding.  

“Nor is a fantastic judge of character, she always has been. Guess you kind of have to be when the world treats people like Nora the way they do. Point being, Nora said she really likes her despite all the awful stuff her father put her through. She didn’t elaborate on what that was but I’m guessing Dot knows. And if both Dot and Nora are saying she’s cool, she’s cool.” 

“Yeah, yeah, you guys are right. I’m just talking myself out of it cos I’m scared how much I like her if I’m honest. Good things don’t happen for me and I’m trying to trust it but it’s hard,” Toni admits.

“Look Toni, Shelby is good. And in the same way I spoke to her about you, despite her baggage she’s worth investing in. It’s her story to tell but things haven’t exactly been easy for her either. I wouldn’t be pushing you guys together if I didn’t think you’d be good for each other. So get your fucking head out of your ass and treat her how she deserves. And let yourself deserve it too, yeah?” Dot gives a pointed look and Toni gives her a small earnest nod in return. 

Friday - Academy

Shelby has spent the previous two hours at Leah and Nora’s apartment. She had a proper look around and spent some time in her new room. It was smaller than the other bedrooms but it was actually no smaller than her current room so she was feeling pretty great about that. The apartment itself had also impressed Shelby, not due to any fancy decor or number of gadgets, it was just so full of life and had character. You could see little bits of Leah and Nora dotted around every part of the shared living space. She couldn’t wait to add a touch of Shelby to the place too. 

Most of her time however had been spent trying on the various outfits she’s brought with her as well as raiding both Leah and Nora’s closets. As predicted by Leah, there was a small freak out but her new housemates were able to talk her down quickly. She was used to Leah’s humor and wit snapping her out of these kinds of episodes but she also really appreciated the calm and logical way Nora spoke to her. It was completely different to Leah’s style, but still had the same effect. Shelby really enjoyed the dynamics of the apartment. She was more excited than ever to move in. 

Excited was also how she felt as she approached the old brick building of Academy. It was a refurbished grade 2 listed building that now hosted the modern coffee shop and bar. It was beautiful. 

She was also nervous and once again scrutinized the outfit she had chosen to try to impress Toni. 

She’d had help this time so her doubts lessened as she looked down at her outfit. She had on a mustard yellow t-shirt with a v-neckline which showed off her collar bones and a little of her chest, tight dark denim jeans and a pair of white converse. She had her hair down and straightened. She didn’t want to seem like she was trying too hard and her friends had assured her she looked effortlessly beautiful which is exactly what she was going for. 

Shelby approached the doors and walked in. She scanned the room and couldn’t see Toni yet so she found a table and sat down. She scanned the QR code in the corner of the table and decided to calm her nerves by at least picking out what drink she’d like from the menu. She spent a few minutes doing this before she heard the scrape of the chair opposite her. She looked up and there was Toni. She looked incredible. A white short sleeved button up with the sleeves rolled showing off the arms Shelby had been fantasizing about all week, a silver chain hung around her neck where the first few buttons had been missed. Black ripped jeans and a brown belt and finished off with another pair of combat boots Toni seemed so fond of, loosely tied at her feet. Shelby couldn’t help but just look her up and down. Toni smirked as she knew exactly what was happening in that moment 

“Hey Shelby,” she finally said in her husky voice. Shelby just knew she was done for. 

Chapter Text

Hi wonderful readers!

This isn’t a note to say I’m not finishing this fic, I have every intention.

I have learnt a lesson today about making sure I check what I post on a03 as I decided today to reread my fic and I realised that I posted the wrong version of chapter one.

If you would like to read what I actually intended to put out to the world please feel free to reread.

It doesn’t impact the plot or the flow of the other chapters in any way. It’s just a far better version than the one I posted before and I feel it’s an injustice to myself and my beta to not post the best version of my work.

Now I will crack on with the next chapter…. We finally get a Shoni date 💕