Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was unexpected, of course, but mostly it was confusing.

Nothing particularly unusual had happened that day to hint at it. It had been a long and grueling match at Hydro and by the end of it, everyone had been exhausted but jubilant. They'd eked out a painful and well-deserved victory over BLU, but it was really more that the match was over than anything else.

All of them were high on the adrenaline and relief of their victory, even if physically they were drained. They congratulated and clapped each other on the back, laughing and joking and wordlessly grateful that they'd had their teammates by their side.

Maybe that was it. He and Medic worked together most of the time. Maybe Medic felt the victory was tied more closely to Heavy than the others. He really wasn't sure.

Either way, when they were heading into the base on their way to the rec room to celebrate, Medic had rested a hand on his shoulder. Heavy made a questioning sound, and Medic had just gestured to follow him with an excited smile.

The sweet taste of victory and the heady rush of killing and death was still fresh in their veins, so maybe that was it. He still wasn't sure.

Heavy didn't know what to expect when Medic had brought him to his room. Maybe the doctor wanted to show him something, or tell him something a bit more private, or any number of things. He wasn't really expecting him to shove him back against the door the second it was closed and kiss him.

It wasn't even really that he was stunned by it. He and the doctor had been coworkers, compatriots, companions in murder and a great killing team, but aside from that, there hadn't been a hint of anything else. This came out of nowhere, but he found himself processing it surprisingly calmly.

Sometimes after battle, men liked to have sex. This wasn't unheard of. It was like a bonus for victory, like having a cigarette after a long day. A nice way to celebrate and burn off tension. Just something that happened sometimes, and it seemed to be happening now.

Was it really a problem? It was just sex. If Medic wanted to cap the night off with a private celebration, then why not? It was incredibly easy for an adrenaline high to feed into sexual desire. Why not? No harm to it, even if he hadn't expected it.

Medic moved quickly while Heavy processed what was happening, which didn't surprise him. He was always fast in what he did - he had to be in his field of work. Medic kissed him, fiercely but only for a few seconds, and then his hands were already working down Heavy's zipper.

Really, Heavy barely had to do anything. Feeling slow and still off-balance, he wondered only briefly at how Medic's gloved hands were already slippery before he'd gotten their cocks out and pressed together. Medic let out a breathy moan as he leaned his head against his shoulder, and without thinking about it, Heavy took hold of his sides in case Medic fell over. He could feel his legs already trembling.

Really, it only took about a minute. Heavy still felt like he was trying to register what was happening when Medic tensed in his grip. Medic tended to be a loud person - at times, Heavy had overheard Engineer teasing him about lacking any kind of "indoor voice". Now, Medic was struggling with all his might to be a little quieter. He managed a strained, stuttering sound against Heavy's neck, a high-pitched "ahh" that made his heart jump a little. It sounded similar to when he'd gotten hurt in battle, and whenever Heavy heard that, he knew he had to make sure he was alright.

That little jump was enough to push him over himself, and Heavy shut his eyes and gritted his teeth as it tightened through him in a warm shiver. He heard Medic make a little pained sound, and when he opened his eyes, he realized that he'd clamped his grip down on him hard when he came. He loosened it immediately once he realized, although he kept his hands there just in case Medic seemed unsteady on his feet again.

They breathed heavily in the post-orgasm heat for a few seconds while Heavy tried to gather his scattered thoughts. He should have been feeling something about this or having some kind of questions about it, and his mind was just blank. This is normal, some strangely nonchalant part of him kept saying. Sometimes sex is nice after battle. It happens.

Eventually, Medic pushed himself back to lean away from him, looking up at him with his face flushed. Then he got an apologetic look as he brought his hands up from between them in an inappropriately casual shrug.

"Ah, well..." He was laughing very awkwardly and nervously. "I just thought it'd be fun, aheh..." He looked off to one side, still smiling and gesturing like he'd borrowed something of Heavy's without asking instead of jerked them both off seconds ago. "You know how it is..."

Heavy wasn't really sure what to say, so he just nodded. This kind of thing happened. It wasn't that unusual.

"Oh!" Medic brightened and turned away from him without warning, going to his desk. He handed him a box of tissues like he just had a cold. "You know, before we go back out there." He was still laughing, almost giggling, with nerves like he couldn't stop.

Heavy took the tissues to clean himself up, barely noticing Medic doing the same as he was still stuck in unclear, muddy thoughts. He kept returning to the fact that this wasn't unusual, this kind of thing happened, but still it didn't help clarify the strange blankness where an emotional reaction should be.

Should there be an emotional reaction? There shouldn't be... it was just celebratory sex, as men had done throughout history. It wasn't complicated. He wasn't sure why it felt confusing. Was it that it was with Medic? That Medic wanted to do this with him? That Medic had just sprung this on him without warning?

He didn't know, and he didn't like that. Simple things should stay simple. There wasn't any reason for anything else to be at work here. There wasn't any reason to be this confused, or to not even be sure what it was he was confused about.

"Oh, we should catch up with the others!" Medic said, cheery as ever, and he opened the door and left the room as if nothing had happened. Which was how Heavy should have been reacting. He made a conscious effort to act normal as they joined the others, who met their arrival with a cheer.

"Sorry, Heavy just had a cut on his arm, I took care of it for him," Medic chirped, mostly unnecessarily since no one was really listening, and he settled in with a beer to join the others with ease.

Well, Heavy did like seeing him happy, and his teammates' enthusiasm was infectious. He joined in with a beer of his own, even though he thought American beer was tasteless and weak, and tried to forget the entire matter.

Sex was just sex. Why not cap off a victory with sex? It really made perfect sense. That wasn't confusing. What was it he was confused about? This was really irritating.

For a while though at least he could forget about it. Everyone was drunk and happy to be done with the day, and everyone was talking and telling stories or getting into playful scraps with each other, and with eight different people vying for his attention, it was easy to forget what had happened with just one of them. Scout of course was constantly talking, Soldier and Demoman kept telling outrageous stories, and Pyro insisted that Engineer play them something on his guitar. Even Spy and Sniper were in high spirits, with Sniper telling strange jokes using words Heavy didn't know and Spy doing one of his crab impressions, which sent everyone into hysterics.

One by one, each of them reached their limit and went to go to sleep. Heavy and Medic were the last, both of them having a remarkable alcohol tolerance compared to the others (Demoman, of course, did not count since he had started drinking much earlier). Even Spy eventually had to admit defeat, for all that he enjoyed his wine. He bid them goodnight and stumbled off into the hallways, cloaking midway through in a way that Heavy wasn't sure was entirely intentional.

"Is time for bed, Doctor." Heavy stood and stretched with a grunt. Medic stood up with him and yawned behind one ungloved hand - at some point in the night he'd shed his coat and one of his gloves, although he'd left the other one on. Heavy wasn't entirely sure he knew that he'd done that.

"Yes, it's late. Hoo! What a party!"

They headed for their rooms, and Heavy noticed that Medic didn't stop at his own. He kept following Heavy to his, and Heavy didn't say anything.

He followed Heavy into his room, and he still didn't say anything. Was there really that much to be said? Medic was on him again in an instant.

Sure, this wasn't after a battle, but sex after a party, that also made sense. What could be a better way to end a party? That added up, and as drunk as he was, at least his thoughts weren't as caught up in how he was feeling about this.

With more time now, and with both of them clumsy and tired, it was a less coordinated affair. It reminded him a little of two virgins trying to figure out how sex worked; they pulled awkwardly at each other's clothes, tried a few different positions before one of them would shake their head and want to try another. They kissed and touched without focus, following sensation blindly without thinking clearly enough to keep it going. They explored the other like they were some kind of strange toy they didn't know how to work.

Medic did talk while it was going on, but it was primarily unfocused rambling about anything but what they were doing. When he did talk about sex, it was like it was something he was observing instead of something he was doing. He laughed giddily about it most of the time, like the entire thing was hilariously silly. In a way, Heavy guessed that it was. This wasn't exactly the most graceful or even successful sex he'd ever had.

Eventually, after they'd returned to the mutual jerking-off that had started this (the only act they managed to figure out), they both came and that was the really the limit of their endurance. Medic sat in his lap, breathing hard against his shoulder, and Heavy rested his head on Medic's shoulder in return, his eyes closed.

Things got a bit swimmy and vague for a few seconds, then Heavy snorted when he realized he'd drifted off with a start. Blinking back to awareness, he realized Medic had fallen asleep on his shoulder, snoring quietly.

Heavy was so tired, he could barely think. He pulled Medic off of him and laid him down properly on the bed, then settled down next to him. All he wanted was to fall asleep again, which he did almost instantly.

---

The next morning, Heavy woke up sore more than anything. His hangover was minor - he'd drunk more than this before, and his constitution really was unmatched in this department. He was, after all, a giant man.

Running around all day the day before, that took more of a toll on him. It wasn't something some moving and stretching wouldn't soothe though. The match today would hopefully be shorter.

He hadn't opened his eyes yet, but with a silent snap, he became aware there was someone beside him. Instantly he thought through several ways to kill whoever it was without changing his expression. They probably still thought he was asleep. Fool. He would crush them for thinking they could sneak up on him.

Tensing, he then took a few seconds to think it through. Who would be there? Memories of the previous night filtered back to him.

Right. Medic. He and Medic had had sex after the party. Tension left him in a soothing wave. In its place came a dispassionate curiousity. He turned his head, slowly, and opened his eyes to look.

Medic was still asleep, his eyes closed and his hair mussed, breathing evenly. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen the doctor this relaxed before. He was always filled with intense, sometimes frightening energy. Now he was quiet and, in a way, looked very slow. Heavy felt an odd kinship with him in that.

Having sex with someone, alright. That was simple. You come and you are done. Waking up next to someone after you had sex, that was more complicated. Waking up next to your closest teammate after having sex with them, that was probably the most complicated.

This wasn't something he had a lot of experience with. What exactly was he meant to do here? He still didn't really know why Medic wanted to do this except that it felt good and he was horny. Who could blame him, really? The battle yesterday had been extremely satisfying. If they'd done it and then went to their private rooms, this wouldn't be an issue.

What was the protocol for this aftermath? Medic wasn't a lover, he was just a man he'd had sex with for fun. Well, presumably for fun. He wasn't sure why else Medic would have wanted to do it. He couldn't think of any other reason why he himself had done it.

What a strange man, Heavy thought as he stared at him. He spent an enormous amount of time with Medic and still felt like he'd never understand him. He never really knew what went through his head. Medic being incredibly impulsive and very bad at thinking about the consequences of his actions had a large part in that. Medic just did things, and everyone else had to deal with it.

So, Medic did him, and now he had to deal with it.

What was he supposed to do here? Heavy kept staring at him while he was quiet and calm, trying to memorize the sight. It was strange to see him so peaceful, almost like he was another person entirely. Where were his glasses? Heavy couldn't really remember. Presumably they'd put them somewhere safe the previous night, but he couldn't be sure. Maybe he should find them for him.

And then what? Wake him up? Should he wait? Maybe he should get him breakfast? Make some coffee? Get some cigarettes? Spy would probably let him borrow some.

He shouldn't be thinking this hard about how to handle this. This should be simple, he should just know. Again there was that disconcerted, confused feeling. Something about this wasn't adding up right, and the most frustrating part was that he didn't know what it was or why.

Why didn't he know what to do here?

Maybe he should wake him up? He could touch his face, that would probably wake him up... although maybe Medic needed his sleep. And would that be too... tender? This had just been sex, as far as he knew. Medic hadn't really acted like it was anything more than that, and it probably wasn't a good idea to assume.

Did he want to touch his face because he wanted to, or because he thought that was what he should do? Ugh. This kind of emotional dithering wasn't like him. This was simple. He just wasn't thinking clearly because he was tired and still shaking off the previous night.

How long had he been staring at him? Maybe enough for the weight of his gaze to wake him on its own. Medic took in a long breath, his chest rising under the sheets, and as he let it out he opened his eyes just a crack.

Heavy stared, his mind suddenly blank. Medic stared back at him, his eyes half-open, blinking slowly. It felt like the silence lasted for an eternity.

"Oh," Medic said, quietly, and he gave him a lazy smile. "Hello."

"Hello," Heavy said, trying to match his tone. Medic closed his eyes again, and Heavy wondered if he was just going to go back to sleep. Would that be for the better? Maybe if he did, Heavy would have more time to think about what to do.

Then again, maybe he'd just be stuck thinking in the same loops. Maybe it'd be better if Medic woke up and they could just get this over with.

Heavy shifted, slowly, as his muscles complained at the effort, and he pushed himself up to sit up against the headboard. Medic, at the movement, made a long quiet "nnh" sound under his breath as he stretched under the covers. He trembled at the apex of it, his long legs nearly reaching the end of the bed, before he let it go with a sigh.

With another sigh, he shifted himself up onto his elbows, blinking blearily into the room. Heavy wondered if he realized where he was, then reminded himself that without his glasses, he probably couldn't tell anyway.

With a loud yawn, Medic pushed himself up to sitting as well, although Heavy almost reached out at points to help him without thinking about it.

They sat together, leaning against the headboard, as Heavy stared awkwardly at the wall in front of him and Medic rubbed at his eyes. He ran a hand over his face with a faint "mmph" and then ran it through his hair with another yawn. It seemed like his doctor didn't wake up quickly. Then again, maybe this wasn't the usual situation.

Medic leaned his head back against the wall, and his eyes drifted closed again. Was he going to fall back asleep? Why didn't he say something? This would be much easier if he was the one who started the conversation, then Heavy could just follow his lead. What was he supposed to say? Talking about last night felt extremely awkward. It had been kind of a mess.

He didn't have cigarettes from Spy to offer. Did Medic even smoke? Probably not. Breakfast? Maybe breakfast?

"Does Doctor want coffee?" Heavy said, his voice rougher than usual. Maybe coffee would wake Medic up more so he could start rambling and filling the air again and make everything more normal.

Medic paused, his eyes still closed, like he hadn't heard him, then leaned his head back forward to rub at his eyes again with a yawn.

"Ja, danke, Heavy," he said, still sounding sleepy. Well, that was an easy thing to do and an easy directive to follow, so Heavy got up and got dressed to do so. He noted, with some annoyance, that he was probably going to have to do laundry. They'd made a mess of their clothes. This is what happens when you're drunk.

The others were either still asleep or might as well have been. Demoman was sleeping on the communal couch, and Heavy could see some plates in the kitchen sink. He'd probably made himself something to eat and then passed right out again. He had a blanket half-thrown over his legs; Heavy took a moment to straighten it back out over him. Demoman mumbled something and turned over, resuming his snoring.

Heavy went to the coffeemaker and started it going, again finding his thoughts curiously blank. It was as if he was making coffee any other day. The others would probably want it as they woke up, he thought. He wondered which one of them would wake up first. Usually Scout was the first awake, unable to stay still for long, but he would probably still be knocked out from the party. He thought of Engineer, but he might have started working when he went back to his room, and then he would have worked all night and definitely wouldn't wake up until he had to.

Soldier? If he was awake, he was probably outside running laps, doing push-ups, or talking to his heads. He didn't like staying inside too much. He'd tried for a while to get the rest of them to do his drills, but eventually after several fistfights he had figured out that they were not as into waking up at the crack of dawn as he was. He could sometimes persuade Demoman to join him, but he'd just sit there and watch while Soldier did his thing instead of participating. If Soldier was awake, Heavy probably wasn't going to see him until later.

Spy and Sniper weren't early risers, and Pyro was always a bit of a mystery. If Heavy didn't see them now, then they were probably asleep or doing... something. That just left him, Demoman, and Medic, and he knew where Medic was.

He realized he'd been staring into the distance as he did his mental inventory. When he returned to earth, the coffee pot was nearly full, and he poured a mug for himself and a smaller one for Medic. His mugs were too large for the others to drink from comfortably.

Before he left, he looked over at Demoman again. He was still fast asleep underneath the blanket. He was at least wearing his pajamas and not his normal battle attire, so he'd had enough sense of mind to change.

Heavy walked over to the couch, setting one mug down, and shook Demoman's shoulder. He made an annoyed, incoherent sound in response.

"Demoman should go to normal bed. Couch is not comfortable," Heavy said, without raising his voice. Just as he thought, Demoman vaguely waved a hand at him with another mumbled sound and resumed snoring. He wasn't going to move, but at least Heavy gave it a try.

He adjusted the blanket around him again and headed back to his room with the two mugs. Still, his mind was strangely blank about what had happened the previous night. It didn't seem to be processing for whatever strange reason.

Sex after battle, normal. Sex after party, normal, he thought as he shouldered the door open. It's normal.

Medic had located his glasses in the meantime, although he still looked half-asleep. He jerked his head when Heavy came in - he might have been dozing against the headboard again. He never realized how sleepy the doctor could be. Then again, it wasn't like he'd ever seen him in a situation like this before.

He handed the cup over to him, which Medic took with another tired smile. He held it delicately between his broad hands. "Thank you, Heavy."

He said it with a nice warmth, like he was genuinely very grateful. In this state, he probably was. The coffee would wake him up more thoroughly.

Heavy just nodded, not entirely sure what to do again. Sit on the bed? Lay back down? He was fairly awake now. Maybe he should just sit on the chair nearby. He sat down and took a few sips, and they sat in silence for a while, only broken by the sound of one of them drinking.

Eventually, Medic leaned his head back against the wall with a long sigh, his eyes closed. Heavy had nearly finished his own cup.

"What time is it?" Medic said.

Heavy glanced over at his alarm clock. "Is 10:14."

"Oh, it's a bit late, isn't it." Medic looked back down, and he was laughing in that high, silly way he often did when caught doing some kind of crime against human nature. It was just the way he laughed, really. Oops, I didn't realize that leftover steak was yours! peppered with the same light, awkward laughter as Oops, I cut out your liver instead of your kidney!

Such a strange man. Fascinating, but so strange.

"Do you know if we have a battle today?"

Heavy closed his eyes for a moment in thought. "Yes. 11:20."

"Oh, well, that's still some time then." Medic leaned over to set the mug on the bedside table, and for a moment Heavy tensed, wondering exactly what he meant. Did he want to go again?

Sex in the morning... that was also normal? For a one-night stand, was that normal? He assumed this was a one-night stand. He had no idea what else it could be.

Sex was sex. He was overthinking this. He should be glad to be getting sex at all, frankly. What kind of man wouldn't be? This was looking a gift horse in the mouth. At least, he was relatively sure that was the phrase.

And it wasn't like sex with Medic was a bad thing. It had certainly been awkward the previous night, but it had still ended up well enough. What was the problem? Sex was sex, that was all.

Medic shifted on the bed to swing his legs out from under the sheets, and Heavy let out a disappointed breath. Sex was sex, but it didn't look like it was on the table this morning.

That was fine, he'd already gotten more than he'd anticipated.

Medic reached down and picked up his clothes from the floor like this was completely normal. He got dressed with a rough casualness like Heavy wasn't even there.

"I need to check on my birds," Medic said to himself as he pulled on his boots, then his tone shifted to light and cheery. "Oh, did I tell you about the funny thing Archimedes did yesterday? I left an ear out on a table, I just forgot about it, and then I heard him cooing..."

Heavy listened quietly, frustrated that his brain just refused to think of anything to say or feel about this. He should be doing or saying something about this but nothing was coming.

Medic finished dressing, looked at himself in the mirror to adjust his hair back in place, and then he gave Heavy a bright smile. "Thank you for the coffee, Heavy."

Then he just turned and left, whistling to himself. Heavy was left sitting there, still puzzled and frustrated. Medic was handling this so much more easily than him, what was he missing?

Maybe he should follow his lead...? His morning ritual usually involved cleaning Sasha, and that would certainly clear his head. Sasha, he understood completely.

---

Heavy didn't have to think about it for a while. The next few days didn't go well. Sometimes they were completely routed, sometimes it was just by the tiniest fraction, but every time, they lost. Everyone was frustrated, with a few of them snapping at each other about it (Sniper and Spy, in particular, were getting into scuffles). With how hard he was focused on winning, Heavy didn't spend a lot of time thinking about the whole casual sex thing.

Medic didn't bring it up, which also helped. He acted like everything was normal, although he was just as frustrated with their repeated failures as the others.

Then, finally, they managed to pull off a last-minute victory, and it was like a storm broke. Everyone was cheering, hearts were soaring, all of it had all been worth it. Heavy grabbed his teammates into big bear hugs while they whooped and laughed with joy. Finally, finally!

While they were heading to the rec room for another raucous celebration, Medic put his hand on his shoulder again.

It was just as quick as before; pressed up against the door of Medic's room while he wrapped his slick hand around them both, gasping against his shoulder while Heavy held him upright. He wasn't sure if it was the rush from battle or from sneaking off like this that made it go so quickly, but it felt like no time at all had passed from coming in here to coming in general.

Again Medic made that sound against his shoulder, trying to be quiet, and again he felt that little skip of his heart to it, instinctually thinking where are you, are you hurt, do you need help for those few brief seconds. Again he found himself gripping Medic so tightly that he made that quiet pained grunt.

Again Medic leaned away from him with that flushed, satisfied look on his face, his glasses slightly askew. He was smiling at him, a little like his tired smile from that one morning.

"Hoo!" He lifted his clean hand to pat himself on the cheek. "That one was good, haha." He kept laughing, breathlessly pleased with himself. He was, after all, riding the same high as Heavy was. "Oh, here, before we meet the others..."

Just the same, they cleaned up, just the same, they came to meet the others just a little late as before, and just the same, they didn't suspect a thing. After all, they were only separated from them for a minute or two.

He thought the second time might alleviate some of his confusion, and to an extent, it did. He was more prepared for it, and the pattern of it seemed clear now. When they won, Medic wanted to celebrate in more than one way. That made sense. Why not sweeten their victory? Why not?

Sex was sex, why not? People did this. It made sense.

Again, they were the last to go to sleep after the party lasted into the night. Again, Medic followed him to his room, and again, they stumbled into each other's arms. More familiar with each other this time, it was easier for them to find the other's pleasure points, find the right way to press or rub or touch, and it took less time for them to shudder in each other's arms in climax. It ended much the same way as it had the first night, with Medic in his lap, his head against his shoulder.

He did fit well there. He could get used to this.

They dozed off beside each other rather than on each other this time, although they still didn't say much. Heavy resolved to think only of the physical sensations of it all, the nice warmth and pleasure still lingering through him, instead of why he couldn't figure out how to really feel about all of this.

It was normal and made sense, why was it confusing?

The next morning, he woke to find Medic staring at him instead. His doctor was lying on his stomach, his chin resting on his hands, just staring at him. It was a little disconcerting. Was this how Medic had felt when he'd done the same?

Medic smiled at him in that same tired, warm way. "Hello."

"Hello," Heavy said, and he found he matched that smile without thinking about it.

"I suppose it's my turn, isn't it?" Medic said, still smiling. Heavy blinked at him, still shaking off sleep. "I'll be right back."

He got up and left, and Heavy finally remembered that he was probably going to get coffee, as before.

He waited, quietly thinking, until Medic returned, and he took the mug from him with a nod. It was one of the smaller ones, but he didn't mind. Medic sat on the chair just as Heavy had the other day, his legs crossed and his back straight, as he drank.

There was silence again, and it felt wrong. Something had to be said. Heavy had to say something, this was driving him crazy.

"So..."

Medic raised an eyebrow at him. "Hm?"

Heavy gestured vaguely at the bed. "Why we do this?"

Medic tilted his head like a curious dog. "This?"

"Making sex. Why we do this?"

Medic kept his head cocked at that confused angle. "What, do you not like it?"

Heavy looked down at his coffee cup, frowning without thinking. "No, is good. Just want to know why."

Medic stared at him for a few seconds, still looking puzzled. He held the mug between the fingertips of both hands, his wrists bent in an elegant curve. Heavy rarely saw his hands outside of his gloves, or outside of someone's torso.

"Why not?" Medic said, like it was obvious.

Heavy had asked himself the same thing. Why not? It was normal. It was simple. People did this all the time because it was fun and felt good. Why not?

"Why, do you want to stop?" Medic asked, and he could hear a tinge of fear in his voice.

Heavy found the answer coming to him refreshingly clear and quick. "No, is good." And he saw Medic let out a shaky sigh. "Sex with Doctor is good."

At that Medic waved his hand, looking very pleased. "Oh, you flatter me!" He was giggling again with that same fluttering edge to it - he was more relieved than he wanted to let on. At the sex continuing or just hearing he was good at it, Heavy wasn't sure. As if remembering, Medic held his mug out to him. "And you are quite good at it too, Großer!"

Heavy had heard him use the name a few times before, and he'd always been curious. "What does that word mean? Groh-sa?"

"Oh, aha!" Medic laughed a little awkwardly, looking away with a muffled cough. "It's, ah... it means, well..." He tilted his head back and forth a few times in thought. "Something like, big one? Because you're so big, of course. It's a good thing!" He held up his hand. "You are a very big man, yes?"

Heavy was big, and he was proud of it. After a few seconds, he nodded. "Yes, is good. I like this."

"Oh, good!" Medic laughed again, a little high and shaky. "It just came to me one day, and, you know... I couldn't get it out of my head! You know how it is!"

Heavy nodded again. He was getting increasingly familiar with things he couldn't get out of his head.

Medic glanced at the clock and set the mug down with a clack. "Oh! It's getting late! My birds!" He set about picking his clothes up off the floor with the same nonchalance as the last time. Just as quickly he was dressed and heading out the door.

"Thank you, Heavy," he said in a sing-song tone of voice as he left, and he heard him whistling down the corridor again.

Heavy wished he could get over how simple this was already.

---

It kept happening afterwards, of course. It quickly became rather routine. After each victory, they'd slip away for a few minutes, and then at night after the inevitable celebration, they'd spend it together and head off to their own activities in the morning.

Really, it was very simple.

It might have been the fifth time Medic pressed him against the door when Heavy decided he should do something. Normally Medic moved so quickly that he didn't have time to react, and before he'd been too startled or confused to move, but now he was getting more used to it.

He reached down between them to rest his hand over Medic's and joined him in the few jerks it usually took for them to finish. The noise Medic made when he realized what was happening was different and very nice. He buried his face in Heavy's neck when he realized how loud he was being, which made Heavy feel even more satisfied. He was getting increasingly good at figuring out ways to make his doctor come undone, each one a little private victory.

Heavy didn't drink quite as much later that night, and Medic didn't either, possibly noticing and following his lead. It left them a little more clear-headed when they went to Heavy's room. They stripped and fumbled and touched, and this time it ended slightly differently, with the two of them grinding their bodies against each other until it became too much. More entangled than usual, they lay on their sides during the come-down, just breathing.

In the dark and the faint moonlight coming through the window, Heavy could see that familiar exhaustion on Medic's face, the onset of that peace he only knew when he was asleep. He liked it; it felt like a private thing just between the two of them. He was sure no one else had seen the doctor even close to being asleep. Not like this.

Medic had his eyes closed, and his hair was mussed over his forehead. Heavy reached out and brushed it away, even though it wasn't close to covering his eyes.

"Hmm," Medic sighed, still with his eyes closed. He mumbled, "Thank you."

"Is no problem," Heavy mumbled back. He left his hand there on Medic's face for a second, running one thumb over his cheekbone. Medic sighed again in a way that reminded him a little of a sleeping cat.

It probably wasn't a minute later that Medic was snoring quietly again, and Heavy took his hand away. He kept looking as his blinks grew longer and longer, and he drifted off himself.

He woke up to someone touching his face in return. Again, there was a moment of fierce tension, preparation for killing, before he reminded himself who he was with. He opened his eyes to find Medic tracing the shape of his brow.

"Just thought I'd return the favor." Medic was resting his head on his other arm, staring at him with that growingly familiar lazy smile. "You don't have hair though, Großer."

"No," Heavy said, although it was unnecessary. Medic withdrew his hand so it could join the other beneath his chin. "I should think of name for you, too."

"Hm?" Medic blinked a few times, slowly. "Oh... you don't have to worry about that."

"If you give me name, then I should give you name, too."

"You already call me 'Doctor'." Medic closed his eyes, still smiling.

"That is just what you are," Heavy said. "Is not nickname."

Medic laughed a little under his breath, still looking very content. "It feels like it is, with you."

Heavy wasn't really sure what to say to that, and at the look on his face, Medic chuckled like at some private little secret.

They went about their business the next day as usual, and, as usual, didn't talk about their trysts at all. What was there to say? Sex was sex. That was all there was to it.

They had a spate of bad days after that, BLU getting victory after victory over them despite their best efforts. Trying so hard and getting nowhere was infuriating, and the atmosphere at the base was low and unpleasant.

After a particularly frustrating battle, Heavy was grumbling to himself as he headed back in when Medic touched his shoulder. He turned to look at him, confused and a bit incredulous, and Medic gave him a serious look in response. It was one that didn't broker any argument and, although confused and a little annoyed, Heavy followed him anyway.

When they were in his room, Medic didn't push him with the same fierce heat as he usually did. He pressed him against the door, but looked down instead of kissing him. He looked entirely too serious for something like this.

"Just thought it might make me feel better," he said, his voice low. Heavy considered it; what was the point of sex except to feel good? What could it hurt, really? What else was he even going to do tonight anyway? Sulk and lick his wounds after the day's battle? Anything sounded better than that.

Usually silent, Heavy reached up to take hold of Medic's upper arms. "Da."

He could tell by the slight twitch that that wasn't what Medic was expecting, but it didn't stop him. He kissed Heavy as he usually did, although without that same fire or passion. It was slow enough that he could process it happening, a kind of determination in it to focus only on this.

They hadn't spent too much time kissing before this, mostly too excited or too drunk to focus on much else beside more obvious pleasure. It wasn't exactly a joyous experience - the frustration of the day's loss wasn't that easily dispelled, but it was different. Heavy was able to focus a bit more on it, try a little harder at it, memorize a bit more of it. Medic rested his hand on his front instead of immediately going for his pants, which was different.

He was patient, which was different.

It took longer this time, both of them kissing to try and keep everything else out, their eyes closed. He could feel a slow build now instead of the rapid crest of a high, like their bodies were waking up to each other. There was almost a slowness to it that reminded Heavy of when they just woke up, that languid look on his doctor's face when he was looking at him with that sleepy smile, although he wasn't smiling now.

In the end, Heavy pushed a leg between Medic's, and it didn't take long for them to be grinding up against each other again as they had that one night. He could feel Medic's heart pounding against him, hear faint sounds on each breath as he pressed closer to him. He always liked the sounds he made, and these were new.

The orgasm wasn't like usual, not as explosive or powerful or even quite as pleasant, but it was still good. It lingered with a nice wave of tingles, and afterwards Medic rested his head on his shoulder with a long sigh. It was a satisfied, tired one, which he liked.

He held him up instinctually, even though Medic wasn't trembling as often as he usually did. Medic's breath tickled across his neck.

"Do you feel any better?" Medic mumbled, just loudly enough to be heard. Heavy let out a long breath himself.

"Yes," he said, quieter than usual. It wasn't immediately obvious, but the more he thought about it, it was true. He did feel a little better, although it wasn't in a way he could easily describe. "Is good."

"Hm." He could hear a smile in his voice.

"Does Doctor feel better?"

It took a moment, and then he lifted himself away from Heavy. He looked tired, although part of that was because of the battle today, he was sure. His glasses were askew in that same way they always were when he rested his head on his shoulder.

"Yes, I think so," Medic said, and then he tilted his head and smiled as though at some private joke. "Thank you, Heavy."

Heavy smiled in return without thinking. "Is no problem, Doctor."

"Come on, we should go." Medic pulled away from him, trailing his hands down his arms. Without the thrill of victory, there was something so tiring and quiet about all this. "Maybe there'll be something on TV."

There wasn't. Everything just made Heavy frustrated and annoyed, every thing that'd gone wrong that day playing out in his head as he stared at the screen without watching it. Eventually he had enough and left, and Medic followed behind him, unsurprisingly. He wasn't even sure he wanted to do anything that night, he felt so irritated, but he let Medic into his room anyway.

Once inside, Medic sighed in a long, weary way, and Heavy frowned. His thoughts moved outwards - he didn't like hearing his doctor unhappy.

"It's just so frustrating, Heavy," Medic said, his fists clenched. "If we'd had one more second of the ÜberCharge, then..."

"I know, I know." Heavy didn't like thinking about it either. They'd been so close. Seeing Medic upset here, where they'd only been drunk and happy with victory and lust, felt very wrong. This wasn't the time for this kind of thing.

He turned and took hold of Medic's hand, drawing him towards the bed. Medic gave him a tired stare.

"Might make you feel better," Heavy said, sitting and pulling Medic down onto his lap. Medic settled with another sigh, and then eventually reached up to take Heavy's face in his hands and kiss him.

It was a longer and slower process than usual. Fully awake, they could remember and focus on all of it. Hazier memories were clearer now - he could remember the spots on his doctor that he liked kissed, or bitten, or touched. He could remember how nice it felt when Medic ran his fingers along his back up his spine, how he breathed in his ear, how he moved and how he spoke. Previously Medic had rambled on excitedly about anything and everything that came to mind, but now, it was almost like he was narrating his own actions. He talked like he was just trying to keep his thoughts at bay, which he probably was, and while it was strange, Heavy still liked to hear his voice. It kept his thoughts quiet as well.

Heat between them built, something somewhat muted in the heavy atmosphere of the lost day. He didn't want to think about that helpless anger, he wanted to think about this, just about this and Medic in his arms. Just about finding every way he could to wring every noise he could out of him, draw him out to the brink and push him over. That battle, he knew he could win.

He was on his lap again, the two of them naked and pressed together, Heavy pressing kisses along his neck. Medic was breathing hard, tense and shivering from exertion - they'd been at this for some time. When Heavy reached between them to take them both in one huge hand, Medic pressed his forehead to his shoulder as he always did. He heard him bite back a cry, and felt him put a hand over his mouth.

"Be loud," Heavy mumbled to him, causing him to shudder. "Why not?"

Medic stifled back another cry as Heavy slid his hand over them both and down again, and then he laughed, feebly. "I'm... I'm too loud, Heavy." And there, there was that airy, silly laugh of his. "You know I am."

"Doctor is laughing." Heavy smiled, holding him closer with his other arm. "Was waiting for you to laugh. Always you are laughing when we do this."

That just spurred him on, and he rubbed his head against his shoulder. "Heavy." It was admonishing between the little puffs of breath. "You're ruining it."

"Nyet." He stroked them both again, causing Medic to arch against him with a gasp. "Making it better."

Medic shivered with another stroke, his hand back over his mouth and the other clutching at Heavy's side. His fingers dug deep into his flesh, tiny pricks of pain where his nails were digging in. Hearing Medic laugh again was like light had come back into the room, like this was a normal night instead of one of an agonizing failure. He thought of their previous victories, previous nights, holding Medic in his arms as he almost vibrated with manic excitement at what they were doing.

It didn't take long from that point on. The noises Medic made, even muffled as they were by his hand, were too perfect. Every one of them clear reassurance that even if he couldn't capture the point today, he could have sex with Medic properly, and it was going to make him feel better. It'd make both of them feel better.

Maybe it was that satisfaction that pushed him over first, but Medic followed soon after. They held onto each other tightly through the aftershocks, slowly calming until they were loose in each other's arms. He felt warm and surprisingly relaxed, almost at peace despite what had happened that day. It was an even better feeling than earlier, and he was sure it was because he'd made his doctor laugh. That was his real accomplishment today, if nothing else.

After they'd calmed down, he heard Medic let out a soft tired giggle. "Well, are you feeling better?"

Heavy laughed a little himself, he couldn't help it. It just seemed so silly all of a sudden. "Da. And you, Doctor?"

He laughed harder at that. "Maybe a little." And he leaned back away from him, brushing one hand under his eye with a warm smile in the dim light. "Thank you, Heavy."

Heavy returned the smile. "Is no problem, Doctor."

They settled down to sleep beside each other, as usual, and Heavy found himself thinking about Medic laughing. That moment when it seemed like the tension of it all had broken and things were normal again. He felt extremely proud of himself - HE was the one who'd managed to break Medic out of his bad mood! He was the one who'd brought light, however slight, back into this dark day!

After all, what was the point of sex if no one was having fun? Sex was sex, and it was supposed to be fun. He wasn't sure if how he felt about all this had gotten any simpler, but it felt like he knew what he was doing at least, and he knew what he liked. He liked hearing Medic laugh, he liked seeing him happy, he liked knowing he was enjoying himself and what Heavy was doing to him, he liked hearing him as pleasure swept over him in waves. He liked waking up beside him to his calm face. He liked all of that.

Was that enough? Wasn't that simple enough? Sex was sex. Wasn't this good? What more could he want? They had sex with each other and it was good, it was simple. It was easy to understand. This warmth he felt for him, it was because sex was good, and sex with him was good. Simple. Very simple.

What more could he want? He honestly couldn't think of anything. He looked at Medic's sleeping face in the darkness, and he couldn't think of anything else he wanted. He'd be happy doing this forever.

He couldn't figure out how he felt before, but now as he dozed off, he felt warm and pleased. Simple. Finally.

Chapter Text

It was another disappointing day. When was this streak going to break? Heavy was trying his best; he defended Engineer while he was setting up his sentries and dispenser, he helped cover Scout while he leapt up to a side passage behind enemy lines, he took down a BLU Soldier that was chasing down their Pyro. He ducked and weaved, stayed out of sight of Snipers, checked for Spies, keep a careful eye on Medic to keep him safe, he did everything right. And he could tell by how hard everyone was working, at how angry they were getting, that everyone else was trying as well.

Still, they couldn't quite manage a victory. Disheartened, they headed back, Spy and Sniper snarling at each other as usual. No one dared to criticize Heavy or Medic's performance; they weren't men to trifle with even when they weren't in this much of a bad mood. There was some petty bickering between Scout and Soldier, but in the end, most of the team agreed with Demoman's suggestion to drink the day away.

They all headed back into the base, Heavy and Medic lingering behind as usual. Heavy never moved quickly, but his footsteps felt even heavier now. He glanced over at Medic to find him with a grim frown, deadly serious. Scout said he had "resting bitch-face" and Heavy could glean what that meant from context, although he didn't see it as often as the others. Medic was usually rather happy around him.

Now, however, Medic looked dangerous and severe. He was silent, his eyes narrowed in frustrated focus as he no doubt relived the day in his mind.

Before he knew what he was doing, Heavy rested a hand on his shoulder. Medic started, then looked up at him, consternation replaced with confusion.

Heavy tilted his head, and Medic stared at him a little longer. When Heavy moved, Medic followed.

They went to Heavy's room this time, and since things were going in reverse, he might as well commit. Once inside, Heavy pushed him against the closed door with perhaps too much force, prompting a startled gasp.

"Oh." Heavy loosened his grip immediately. "Was too hard?"

Medic looked up at him, giving him an incredulous look while he tried to catch his breath. Heavy reminded himself that they didn't usually talk during this, and he leaned forward to kiss him. Medic met him without hesitation.

Having Medic trapped against the door was different. Heavy was always big, but now it was impossible to ignore. Under him, Medic felt smaller and warmer, his presence oddly diminished. Heavy wasn't used to feeling this much in control of the situation.

He kissed him, and Medic hung onto his arms, making quiet noises into his mouth. This time, he didn't even try to reach for Heavy's pants, too distracted. So Heavy reached out for his instead.

Finally, he figured out what always happened when Medic reached into one of his pockets and pressed something into Heavy's hand. So that's why his hands were always ready for this. He planned it ahead of time.

Well, his doctor was crazy and impulsive, but that didn't mean he wasn't good at seeing things through when he put his mind to it.

The newness of the situation was enough to clear what had happened that day out of his mind almost entirely. Medic held onto his shoulders, his neck, his arms, like he wasn't sure what to do. When Heavy wrapped his hand around them both, Medic leaned his head back against the door with a gasp and a thud. Heavy took the opportunity to kiss his exposed neck, and Medic bucked into his hand and came without him even stroking once. That was probably the fastest it had ever happened.

The noise he made was entirely too similar to him yelping in pain, shocked and shaking. Heavy felt that little hitch of adrenaline again, the warmth over his hand, Medic's hands clutching at him desperately as he shuddered, and it didn't take more than a few strokes for him to join him. He pressed his free arm against the door to prop himself up, his head lowered, his forehead almost resting on the top of Medic's head as he panted.

That one had been good.

After a few moments, he licked his dry lips and leaned back to give Medic some more space. He was unsteady on his legs again, and he noticed now that he'd latched his fingers onto Heavy's ammo belt to stay upright. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen him this red before.

They looked up at each other for a few moments in silence, and then Medic's eyes brightened and there, he was laughing. One of his excited little laughs that could herald something very bad or very good.

"Ooh, you've never done that before!" Medic's eyes were gleaming. "How curious!"

Heavy wasn't really sure how to respond to that. Whatever it was he'd been feeling all melted down into some kind of undifferentiated mass.

"Sometimes is good to try new things," he said eventually, although he wasn't sure where the words had come from. For a few seconds, he wondered if he was even the one who'd said it.

"Yes, I'd say so!" Medic was still red in the face and very happy and excited. He hadn't seen this in a while, and Heavy couldn't help but smile at him in return, reflecting and keeping some of that happiness for his own. Medic reached up and patted his own cheek, like he was making sure he was awake. "Ah, what a feeling! Being desired so badly it drives you mad!"

Heavy paused to think about this for a few moments. "What does Doctor mean?"

"Oh, ah..." There was that awkwardness again as Medic steepled his fingers together, looking away at the other wall. "Well, what I meant was..."

"You do not think Heavy wants you?" Heavy squinted at him a little. Medic held up his hands.

"Oh, no, nothing like that! I mean, why would you be doing this if you didn't?" And Medic laughed again, nervous and high. "You just, haven't really done something like that before, so, it caught me off-guard..."

"Make first move?"

"Yes, that." Medic was still studiously looking everywhere but him, tapping his fingers together and fidgeting. Laughter bubbled through his words. "Usually I'm the one who's doing it, so, I assumed that, this probably meant that I was the one who was more, ah... well... what's the word..."

This was probably the most Heavy had heard about how Medic felt about any of this. Medic never talked about it, he always treated it so casually. What did he think about it?

He straightened up from the door to give Medic more space, and he could see him breathe a shaky sigh of relief.

"I did not know Doctor felt this way." Heavy wasn't exactly sure how he felt. It wasn't positive - something like betrayed? "Thought you liked to move first. You could have said."

"Oh, I do!" Medic held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I love it! I love how you just give yourself up so willingly to me." At that, Medic smiled enough so his incisors showed, distinctly predatory. His voice dropped down low and dangerous. "Such a big man under my control... it's thrilling."

Heavy wasn't entirely sure that he liked how he phrased that: controlling him. He was the strongest man in the base, possibly the strongest man outside of Australia. People didn't just control him, he didn't just give himself up to people like some tiny little baby.

On the other hand... when he thought about it, he did do whatever Medic wanted without question a lot of the time. More than he'd realized until this moment. When he tried to think of why, his mind just shrugged back at him.

Maybe it's easier? But Heavy didn't like taking the path of least resistance. Maybe you don't want to cause trouble? But Heavy didn't think Medic would cause a fuss if he didn't. Maybe you like it? That had never occurred to him and he had no idea how to sort through his feelings to see if it was true or not. He'd need more time on that one. Maybe you trust him?

That stuck. Maybe you trust him, so you do what he tells you.

He definitely did trust him. So much so that he didn't even realize how much until this moment. So much so that he hadn't even noticed how often.

"But, you know..." Medic was still talking, still looking away, all smiles and all nervous laughter. "Like you said, sometimes it's fun to do things a little differently, yes? Just for fun..."

What was it he was getting stuck on? What was actually important right now? What was it that Medic was really saying?

"You do not think Heavy wants you like this."

"No, no, like I said-"

"Wants to make sex with you so badly, I can't wait until later, must do it now."

Medic stared at him with his mouth slightly open, going red in the face again.

"This is what you mean? You want to make sex with Heavy, you make sex with Heavy. You do not wait, you just do, because you want. You want very badly." He tilted his head at him just slightly. "But, you do not think Heavy wants you like that."

"I didn't mean to say all that, aheh..." Medic again looked away, toying with his fingers. He'd never seen him this uncomfortable before. "I'm just saying, you moving first was different. I wouldn't mind doing that again." He laughed again, looking very intently at the wall. "Of course, not all the time, but..."

Something about this was bothering Heavy, and he couldn't put his finger on it. He could dig deeper. He could try and get an answer about why Medic had started doing all this, now that they were talking about it. Why had he started this, why did he do this with him? He could dig, and in this discombobulated state, Medic would probably answer for once.

But what would his answer be, anyway? Why would he want to have sex with Heavy? Because he wanted to. What more to it really was there? Sex was simple. All of this was simple. Did it really matter why he wanted to?

Something protested in him that it did. But something felt more important at the moment.

He reached out and touched Medic's face, and he watched his eyes go wide.

"Well, now you know," Heavy said. "I do want you like that."

Medic gave him a look that Heavy could only, regretfully, describe as goofy. Sometimes he could be completely ridiculous. He brightened soon after though.

"Oh, this is wonderful!" He looked almost childishly happy as he slipped out from beneath Heavy to find that box of tissues again. "This opens up so many possibilities! The things we can do! Oohoo! I can hardly wait!"

He handed the box to Heavy, smiling so wide that it was a little unsettling. Medic didn't mean for his smiles to be scary at times. He just had no self-awareness when it came to how others saw him.

Maybe that was where he'd got the misconception about how Heavy felt. He didn't know. So often, his doctor was a mystery.

"I'm so glad you feel this way!" Medic said, and Heavy couldn't really remember the last time he'd seen him look this happy. He was almost bouncing on his heels. At this point Heavy had completely forgotten anything that had happened outside this room."Oh, oh, I have to write this down!"

He pushed past Heavy to open the door, and before he could think about it, he was gone.

Heavy stared after him with an uncertain frown. He was glad Medic was happy of course, he always liked seeing him happy, but something wasn't sitting right with him. Something still felt strange, and he wasn't sure what it was. He could picture Medic's face, almost ecstatic as he left, and hear that cry he'd made when he came, and feel the scratches he'd left on him.

What was it that gave him more satisfaction? He loved that sound he'd heard from him, he loved how quickly he'd come for him. He wasn't sure he'd ever glowed so warmly from pride at that kind of accomplishment.

Still, his thoughts were split between that and Medic's face when he'd left, so excited and energetic, like nothing mattered in the entire world except what Heavy had said to him and the next time they'd be together. Those little laughs, how awkward he'd looked when he tried to explain himself.

Thinking a lot about how he was acting outside of the sex, which was not simple.

Hrm.

---

The rest of the team were sullenly drinking when Heavy joined them, and while he wasn't thinking about the match at this point, he looked pensive enough considering the affair with Medic to fit right in. Medic, however, did not come to join them. If he had to guess, Medic was probably writing down everything just as he said. It was the scientist in him - sometimes he just had to document everything about something no matter how long it took. Then at other times he just completely winged it and hoped for the best.

What could you do other than shrug? Medic was just Medic.

The night passed by with mostly grumbling and griping at the TV for its lousy reception and poor programming schedule, both of which it was clearly doing on purpose. Eventually a game of cards got arranged, but still in sour moods, not many stuck around to play. Heavy did since he wasn't really sure what else to do. Under normal circumstances, Medic would come to his room and they'd have sex and go to sleep.

Now, what was he to expect? Medic still hadn't shown up.

One by one, again each member of the team dropped off. Scout got bored, Pyro didn't really understand how the game worked no matter how many times they explained it, and Demoman started wailing and rambling strange stories about his childhood while Soldier patted him on the back and told him to straighten up. There wasn't really much more for him to do here.

Where was Medic? If he was working, he was probably in the infirmary, and Heavy made his way slowly there with something like a knot in his stomach. Would they just talk there? Would he make a move on him there? They'd always stuck to their rooms before, but he couldn't say with one hundred percent certainty that Medic wouldn't. He was, as always, impulsive and didn't care about consequences, even if Heavy did.

What would it be like? There had to be some kind of thrill to it that he couldn't acknowledge, since he noticed the apprehension he felt was tinged with some anticipation. He wasn't sure if he felt that adventurous tonight. Everything had been so strange.

The matter turned out to be moot though, as the infirmary was unoccupied. Medic's birds were all sleeping on the rafters, little feathery orbs cuddled together to keep warm. It was a sweet sight, and not one he saw very often. If Medic was working in here at night, it usually wasn't on one of his team members.

Where else could he be? Still feeling a bit discomfited, Heavy considered his own room. Maybe he'd followed their little routine even without Heavy being present. It'd be strange, but it'd follow a little bit of logic at least. Yet when he checked, his room was also empty.

That really only left one option: Medic's room. Maybe he was working in there instead of the infirmary? It was entirely possible. He could go and check on him, see what the vibe was like, and depending, he could stay or go. Simple.

That knot in his stomach still hadn't left him though.

He knocked on the door to no reply, then tried the knob and it was unlocked. He opened it gingerly, slowly, to peek inside. Medic was sitting on his bed with his legs crossed, back straight, almost as if at attention.

"There you are!" Medic said, with obvious relief as his posture sagged just slightly. He then coughed and tried to lower his voice a little more. "So, you came after me after all."

Heavy stared at him for a little while, his brow furrowed, before coming inside and closing the door behind him.

"You were waiting for me here?"

"I was!" Medic chirped, with that bright gleam in his eyes again. "I wanted to see if you'd come find me! You know..." He seemed to catch himself, coughing into one fist as he leaned back on the other in an attempt at a becoming pose. He adjusted himself a few times when it didn't seem to meet his satisfaction. "After what you said earlier."

Heavy studied him a bit longer, lingering on the slight tremble of Medic's shoulders.

"How long was doctor waiting?" he said with an eyebrow raised. Medic waved a hand airily with a high laugh.

"Oh, not long! You know..." He kept waving his hand even as he trailed off, looking off to one side. "Maybe an hour or two," he said quickly and coughed.

Heavy gave him an incredulous look. "You were waiting here an hour? Sitting like this? Doctor."

"You don't know I was sitting like this." And at that Medic straightened up, if only to let his shoulders rest. Still, he kept his back straight - he really couldn't help his perfect posture, even when he tried to relax. It was charming, in a way, but it also made Heavy worry a little. He wondered sometimes if someone had beaten that into him, and then wondered if maybe his past made his thoughts a little too dark. Maybe Medic just cared about his posture because he was a doctor and it was good for your spine. "And besides, if you had wanted me more, then it wouldn't be an issue then, would it? It's not my fault you were slow."

Ah. Well that was simple enough, if silly. God, what a strange, terrifying, silly man. There was that warmth in his chest again, even if it was tempered with a little annoyance. "You are testing Heavy?"

"It wasn't a test!" Medic held out his hands wide. "I was curious! I wanted to see how long it would take you to come for me!"

It would be extremely easy for Heavy to push him on this and make him squirm a bit. It would be better though to play along.

"You wanted to see how badly Heavy wanted to make sex with you," he said, and took a step towards him. Medic perked up, his fists by his chest.

"Ooo! Yes!" Quick and light, just like accepting an offer for ice cream, or money, or someone's severed hand. It wasn't at all appropriate for the situation, but it was so painfully him that it didn't really matter.

He leaned over him on the bed as Medic grinned up at him with that manic, vibrating energy he knew from their victory nights, and he'd missed it badly since their losing streak had begun. He couldn't help smiling at him in return. His enthusiasm was so infectious.

"Very badly," Heavy said, grinning, and Medic reached up to take hold of the collar of his shirt. That light airiness was replaced with an intense hunger in his eyes and a glimpse of his sharpest teeth.

"That's good," he growled, which was a rare treat. That was usually only reserved for people he was going to tear apart slowly. In this context, it went straight to Heavy's head, and they were kissing before he even thought of moving.

Medic said he wanted Heavy to move first, but it didn't take long for him to try and take control back from him. He sat up from underneath him, adjusted himself, tried to push Heavy back a little to give him more space, kissed his neck to try and dizzy him. He wasn't entirely sure if Medic even knew he was doing it. Usually he let him have his way, but what he'd said earlier stuck with him. Medic wanted to know that he wanted to do this, that he wanted him, and that he wasn't just going along with this for his sake.

So... he pushed back.

He was, of course, bigger and stronger than Medic was, even if Medic wasn't a small man. It would have been easy to completely overpower him, but that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted to meet him on his own playing field of their bodies, render him speechless and compliant as Medic was trying to do to him.

They were sitting up now, Medic in his lap where he usually ended up. He caught Medic's wrist with one hand, drew him close with the other to kiss down his arm, which prompted some breathless, startled laughter from him. Closer now, Medic kissed the pulse-line of his neck, ran his other hand down along his spine and made him arch. Medic tried to push him over so he could get on top of him, but Heavy refused to move. He tried to push Medic over himself, but found him stubbornly resilient. He could force him, of course, but that'd be cheating.

Neither of them really wanted to give up ground here, and being two mercenaries who essentially played glorified war games every day, a bit of competitiveness suited them just fine.

Heavy put everything he'd learned their previous times to work in an effort to unravel him, while Medic did the same to him. Who'd been paying the most attention? Who knew the other the best? They certainly knew each other well enough... every time Heavy felt like he had the advantage, Medic would do something that'd send a shudder through him and Medic would laugh in that triumphant way of his before Heavy got him back.

It didn't really take that long until lust took over completely. Without thought of who was winning or losing, or who was in control or not, he simply found his hands and mouth roaming all over Medic's body, seeking any kind of pleasure he could give him that'd make him make more of those lovely noises. He could barely think about it with the storm of sensation Medic was giving him, his hands nimble and fast across his skin. He moved so quickly, often Heavy couldn't even parse what he'd done before he was on to something new.

Medic's hips were moving as instinctually as Heavy's were, seeking some kind of friction. It didn't take long for them to find it, holding onto each other tightly so there was no space between them, panting with effort and heat. Medic couldn't pull his hands away from Heavy's back, he had to keep himself close, which meant he couldn't cover his mouth. Heavy could feel it building in him, how he moved, how he tensed, and how it echoed in him at the thought of it.

"Doctor..." He wanted to encourage him, ask him to, tell him to be loud, but he couldn't get the words out.

Without warning Medic bit his shoulder to muffle himself, the pain so unexpected and sharp that Heavy gasped, and that pushed him over. He crushed Medic to him without thinking, shuddering through it as his mind went blank. He made a throaty kind of groan at it, one of the first true noises he'd made while doing this, and Medic sped up against him for just those few seconds more, biting down harder on him.

Even so, when he reached his peak, it only quieted so much. Medic shuddered powerfully in his arms, and the sound he made shivered and cracked at several points. It wasn't dissimilar to when he'd been stabbed or was dying, a long and loud noise like he wanted everyone to hear him. Instead of pain, pleasure laced its way through it as his voice broke again and again.

Heavy held him through it, and he could hear and feel him breathing harshly through his nose around the mouthful of flesh. He made a few other, softer noises as pleasure went through him a few more times as aftershocks, then he stilled.

Heavy was breathing hard himself he realized, his arms locked tight around him as if he couldn't move. At a twitch, he gathered his thoughts enough to remember why.

"Doctor..." he breathed, barely able to form the words. "Stop bite please."

Medic made a short startled sound, then quickly let him go. Heavy hissed a little as his teeth left him; it stung. He'd experienced far worse, of course, but that didn't leave him prepared for it.

"Oh! Oh, oh..." Medic touched the edges of the wound gingerly, poking it like he thought it might bite him back. "Oh, I'm sorry, Großer, I don't know what came over me..."

"Ah... is okay." Heavy winced a little as he rolled his shoulder on instinct. The stinging turned into a dull ache, which he preferred. Medic made a displeased noise at him doing it though. "Just did not know you would do that. You can heal."

"I can, I can. I can get a medkit." Medic was still staring at the wound on his shoulder, and his pupils were a little wide. "I didn't realize..."

He recognized that look on his face. "This is not time for blood or surgery, Doctor."

"I'm not thinking of that!" Medic said, a little flustered at how easily he'd been read. "I'm just surprised at how deep it is..."

"You can fix. Do not worry."

His fingers returned to the wound on Heavy's shoulder, and Heavy glanced at it himself. Two semi-circles, dotted with the dent of each tooth, shone out from his skin, bright red. Had he drawn blood? He couldn't quite tell. The ache had died down to a somewhat pleasant throb, the kind that reminded you you were alive.

Medic was still looking at the wound with an almost reverent air, tracing along the edges of it. "The noise you made when I did this..." he breathed.

Heavy blinked. Had he made one? In the moment he couldn't remember. Something about the thought made him feel a little uncomfortable, exposed as if there were still clothes between them. He coughed, and Medic looked at him and raised an eyebrow. Slowly he smiled.

"Heavy...?" he said, drawing out the syllables as if Heavy was hiding something behind his back that he wanted. Heavy looked away, feeling warm.

"You can fix," he said, for lack of anything else.

"Ja, I can," Medic said slowly, and he could still hear that pleased little note in his voice. He patted Heavy's arm with a quiet chuckle now, another rare thing to hear. "If you let me go first."

"Oh." He'd had his arms so firmly locked to press Medic against his chest, it was easy to forget in favor of the ache in his shoulder. He loosened his grip immediately and Medic fell back onto his lap, still shaking. He could see the muscles in his legs twitching every now and then.

"Thank you, Heavy," he said, with that sing-song tone he often used for it, and he slowly made his way off the bed. He shivered when he made it to his feet, and for a second Heavy thought he might fall over, but he regained his balance and dug around beneath his bed. It made sense Medic would have a medkit here - he probably had them stashed all over the room. He sat back on the bed, opened it up, and set to cleaning the bite.

Heavy wasn't used to being taken care of without the Medigun involved. Injuries with that healed almost instantly. This took a little more time.

"I can heal it with the Medigun later," Medic said, as if he was reading his mind. He dabbed at the wound with a cotton ball while Heavy twitched at the stings. "You will just have to endure until then."

Heavy shrugged as best he could without disturbing Medic's work. "Is not so bad," he said, although he could see Medic regarding him from the corner of his eye.

"Mmhmm."

Medic wrapped a few lines of gauze around it, fastened it, then gave it a gentle pat. It was barely enough to send a little throb through his arm.

"There you go! It should be fine, as long as I don't have rabies!" And Medic laughed in that uncomfortably manic way. He paused to tap a finger to his chin. "I don't think I have rabies."

Heavy gave him a concerned look. Medic patted his arm again, a little deliberately he wondered.

"I'm just joking, Großer. If I had rabies I'd be dead! It has a 100% mortality rate, you know. By the time you know you have symptoms, it's too late! It turns your brain into sponge!" Medic smiled at him like this was the greatest news in the world. Heavy didn't know how else to respond but to laugh uncomfortably.

Strange, silly, disturbing man.

Medic didn't seem to notice his discomfort, although he never did. Not Heavy's, not anyone's. Sometimes Heavy wondered if that was freeing to not have to think about how anyone else felt and just do whatever you want. Medic certainly seemed happy with the arrangement on his end.

"There are more fun ways to destroy a brain, though," Medic said with a fond sigh, and then met his eyes. He grinned at him, although it wasn't with that same dangerous predatory gleam. "That was a good one, yes?"

Heavy thought back on the others, but he didn't have to think very hard. He nodded. "Maybe best one."

"Haha! Yes!" Medic laughed. "Wunderbar! We're really getting the hang of this."

"Yes." Heavy wasn't sure what else to say. "Is good time."

"It was, wasn't it?" Medic sighed again in that fond way, and he reached out to get the tissues to clean up. He tilted his head a little as he handed him the box. "Are you tired?"

Heavy was mostly thinking about the bite on his shoulder, but he nodded. "Is late before I come find you."

"That's your fault." Medic pointed at him. "I was on time."

"You did not tell me time." Heavy frowned. "How was I supposed to be on time if you did not tell me?"

Rather than respond, Medic rested a hand on Heavy's chest and kissed him. It was light, but it lasted more than a few seconds, and in those seconds Heavy found he didn't breathe or move.

"Goodnight then, Großer," Medic said, smiling, and he shifted past Heavy to lay down. Heavy sat there, stunned, while Medic made himself comfortable. He flopped down on his pillow, his blankets up and over him. "Oh, turn out the light, bitte."

Heavy did so, since following a request was easier than trying to think. He settled down beside Medic, tried to get comfortable himself, and ended up staring at the ceiling.

They'd never kissed outside of sex before.

Sex was normal. Kissing during sex, normal, if not necessary sometimes.

Kissing without sex?

What was this?

That confused feeling was back again. It took him some time to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

Heavy woke the next morning to the throb of his shoulder. It was a little stronger now, noticable, but he wasn't concerned. The Medigun would take care of it almost instantly. He just had to endure it for now, as Medic said. It really wasn't so bad. It reminded him rather vividly of the previous night.

He turned his head to look at Medic, still asleep and serene, breathing deep and even. Like this, he looked like a normal person. Heavy supposed everyone looked normal when they were sleeping.

Medic's mouth was partly open, and he could catch glimpses of his teeth behind his lips. He found himself thinking back to that last kiss of the night, the strangeness of it. It didn't seem intended to start another round, since Medic had gone to sleep so quickly afterwards.

Why would he do something like that...? Heavy found himself at a loss. This should be simple. Just sex. Medic kept adding strange aspects to it, and Heavy kept going along with them because there never seemed to be any harm to it. They were continually discovering new things to do, so the kiss was probably another one of Medic's little experiments.

Those glimpses of his teeth made him think of his shoulder again, which made the skin on his face prickle.

This was just sex, although it had progressed a little beyond what he thought of when he thought about sex. If Medic wanted to explore the outer reaches of it, then fine. He could do that.

He wondered briefly if there was any limit that he wouldn't break if Medic wanted him to. Worryingly, he couldn't think of one. Hm.

He looked away from Medic's mouth back to the whole of his face, that calm peacefulness that only he got to see. So much of Medic was just for him now. Again his hair was ruffled against his forehead, and again he reached out to smooth it away without thinking.

Medic tensed suddenly, the muscles in his arms flexing, and Heavy froze. Ah. Maybe he was also jumpy about someone being near him unexpectedly. That made sense. Given how often people tried to kill Medic daily, Heavy was a little surprised he hadn't run into this before. How did he find any peace here sleeping beside him?

Just like him, after a second Medic relaxed and he opened his eyes slowly.

"Ah, Großer," he murmured. "You startled me."

"Sorry." Although Heavy felt strangely soothed to know that Medic shared his wariness about unexpected proximity. "Wanted to smooth your hair like before."

Medic laughed a little with a long blink, and his eyes were soft. "How is your shoulder?"

Heavy rolled it experimentally, and the throb was definitely stronger. He grimaced slightly at it. "Hurts more today."

"Mm." Medic did not sound concerned in the least. "I'll fix it properly later. I probably should have done it before we went to sleep... oh well."

Heavy doubted he would have shrugged off a more serious injury, but not entirely.

Both of them snapped awake at the sound of a knock at the door. "Medic? You in there?"

Medic looked to him in a panic, and Heavy looked around the room for any place he could hide. If the rest of the team found out, he'd just punch whoever had problems with it until they didn't have problems with it anymore, but that didn't mean he wanted to be discovered right now. Particularly with the panicked look on Medic's face.

There was really only one place he could fit, and that was behind the door itself. As long as Medic didn't let Engineer in, then he wouldn't see him, and he doubted Medic was going to do that.

He moved as Medic hurriedly put on some clothes. "Ja, I'm here. A moment, bitte!"

He smoothed down his hair once before he opened the door with a tired smile. "Yes? What is it, mein Freund?"

Heavy couldn't see Engineer clearly from here, although his voice was unmistakable. He could only catch glimpses of him through the crack in the door jamb, but he didn't want to move to get a better look. The motion might carry enough through the crack to be noticed.

"Jus' checkin' to make sure you're alright." Engineer sounded a little apologetic. "Thought I heard somethin' last night, like you was hurt."

Blyat, Medic had been right about being too loud. More than anything, Heavy felt disappointed. He'd liked that cry of his so much. It'd be a sad thing to not hear it again.

"Oh, that," Medic said, and he could picture him waving a hand. "I just broke my foot."

"You did what?" Engineer sounded a bit shaken.

"I was doing some tests on the tensile strength of the talus and calcaneous!" And Medic did sound genuinely interested in the idea. "I made an estimate of the weight they could bear, but..." The sound of clothes shifting made him picture him shrugging. "I miscalculated, a little."

"You crushed your foot?" Engineer now sounded both concerned and a little annoyed. "Doc, ain't there better ways to test that kind of thing?"

"Probably!" Medic said cheerily. "It didn't matter though, I used my Medigun to fix it up as good as new. So no harm done!"

"Doc, you gotta stop doin' this." Engineer shook his head by the sound of his voice. "You don't gotta use yourself for these tests a' yours."

"Well, it was a spur of the moment decision." Which was very plausible with Medic. "I just got curious about it all of a sudden, and everyone else was asleep, and I didn't want to walk all the way to the infirmary..."

"But you had to anyway in the end," Engineer said, admonishing now.

"Yes, but after I gained some new data!" Medic said, completely unperturbed. "So, if you want to know how to cause all sorts of interesting fractures in the talus, you know who to ask."

He could picture Medic beaming at Engineer so clearly. Engineer shook his head again with a sigh.

"I really worry about ya sometimes, Doc." With another shuffle of fabric, Heavy guessed he crossed his arms. "You could'a least found one of my dispensers to back you up before you go droppin' cinderblocks on yourself."

"I didn't want to get up," Medic said, as if that was a perfectly reasonable excuse, and Engineer sighed again.

"You sure your foot's alright now?"

"Ja, see?" And he could picture Medic shaking his foot. "Just like nothing happened!"

"I swear, Doc." He heard the sound of nails against skin. Engineer scratching his head perhaps. "I really thought you was in trouble. You're gonna drive me into an early grave with this kinda thing."

"I'll just resurrect you out of it! It'll be fun," Medic said, as cheery as ever. And at this Engineer laughed a little.

"Alright, alright, you prob'ly could. No harm, no foul I guess. You want to come help me later with somethin' I been tinkerin' with?"

"Oo, how intriguing!" Medic said, with a bright laugh. "Of course!"

"Right, I'll be out back in the lab fer most of the day." And he heard footsteps as Engineer started to head off. "Don't do any more experiments on yerself, y'hear?"

"Fine, fine," Medic said casually, and he could picture him waving to him.

After the footsteps had receded out of earshot, Medic closed the door with a relieved breath.

"Phew! That was close."

Heavy immediately pointed at him. "Do not drop block on foot."

"I'm not going to!" Although he looked a little guilty. "I just had to make up something! I'll find another foot to try it on."

Heavy sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "As long as it's not yours." He paused. "Or Scout's. Or anyone on the team's."

"Oh, fine." Medic crossed his arms with a frown. "You're no fun."

Heavy looked to the door. "Did not think about someone hearing us."

"I told you." Medic pointed at him in return, eager to turn the tables. "I told you I'd be too loud!"

Heavy let out a long sigh. "But it was so good to hear. I want to hear it again."

"Well, we can't do it here." Medic put his hands on his hips, although his face was a little red. "We're lucky it was Engineer who heard, he won't tell anyone about it."

There was a bit of a pause.

"When should we tell them about it?" Heavy said, uncertain. Medic gave him a confused look.

"Why should we tell them about it? It's none of their business." He sounded legitimately baffled, and Heavy shook his head to clear his thoughts. Medic was right - this really wasn't anyone's business but their own. If two men wanted to have sex on their own private time, that was fine. It wasn't anyone else's business. Especially nosy Scouts and Spies.

"You are right. Do not need to."

"Come on. I'll heal your shoulder." Medic rested a hand on his arm, a little beneath the gauze so it itched a little. "We should get going."

---

Sure enough, the Medigun healed the bite instantly, the pain gone in a flash. Medic unwrapped his shoulder like it was a Smissmass present, whipping off the last bit of it with a flourish.

"Tadah!" he said, gesturing to Heavy's shoulder, and he was being so theatrical that it was hard not to smile. "Medical genius at work!"

His shoulder was smooth again - no evidence of what had happened the previous night. It was a relief on one hand, but on the other, there was that blank confusion about some kind of feeling he should be having about this. Or perhaps one he didn't know how to recognize, he wasn't sure.

"Just like new." Heavy patted the restored area. Medic hummed, his hands folded behind his back.

"Of course! The Medigun is always perfect." He adjusted his glasses with a toothy smile. "I hope you won't miss it too much."

Before Heavy could really process that, Medic turned around to hold his hands up to the ceiling.

"Come now, meine Lieblinge! Time for breakfast!"

With the fluttering of wings, several of his doves came to settle on his arms, and Heavy knew there'd be no continuing of the conversation now. Bird time was bird time.

Just as well, he wasn't entirely sure what to say.

As he was heading back to his room, the rough voice of the Administrator came over the intercom, announcing that the day's battle would be postponed. Heavy breathed a sigh of relief; a day off would be a welcome respite after their spate of bad luck, and could be just the thing they all needed to recharge and emerge victorious the next day.

Days off were rare, and for the most part, the team tended to spend it on their own. They spent the vast majority, or at least the most intense hours, of their day in combat, relying on the other eight members of their team to keep them alive. It was exhausting. After a while, you just wanted some time alone doing your own things without having to think about anyone else.

Well, except Scout. He was the youngest of eight brothers, something he said constantly whenever he was going on and on about how cool and great he was, and as such he hated being alone. His house had always had someone in it. He got bored easily and didn't like silence, so on days off, he would wander around looking for someone to pester.

That wasn't Heavy's problem at current, at least. With the whole day ahead of him, he knew exactly what he could focus on: his guns.

He would usually clean whoever he'd chosen the morning before a battle, but now with the entire day, he could spend some quality time with all of them. Svetlana, in particular, had gotten a lot of use lately but not a lot of quality attention, which he needed to fix immediately. All of them deserved proper care and love and he wasn't about to disappoint them.

He settled down in the armory for the day, taking Svetlana apart piece by piece to clean, adjust, check, and put her back together again, murmuring to her at times throughout. It required focus, delicacy, and a steady hand, all of which he excelled at, particularly when it came to his babies.

Most importantly, it required his complete attention, which meant he didn't have any questions or feelings about the Medic situation to struggle with. The only thing on his mind were the delicate workings of his guns, making sure Sasha and Oksana and Natasha and Sheila were in peak health, making sure their voices sounded properly and clearly. How he loved them! He could spend hours, days doing this, showing them his proper devotion and care as they deserved. They were beautiful pieces of art, precise and perfect killing machines, his partners and his children. Each careful adjustment and sweep of a cleaning cloth was another testament to his dedication, another thank you for the time they'd spent together.

It was hard not to smile or sing while he spent time with them, filled with a very simple but very earnest adoration for them all. At times he pictured polishing every specialized bullet that went into them, even though he knew that was absurd, even for how he loved them. They deserved such pampered treatment, even if it wasn't realistic. Just thinking about giving them everything they could ever need and want was satisfying enough. It was hard not to give Svetlana a kiss, even though he knew he'd have to wipe it off to make her shine again.

He was so lost in the minute adjustments he was making to Svetlana's barrel that he didn't notice that Scout was calling him until the third time.

"Hey! Pancakes!"

Heavy blinked, reluctantly returning to the less gun-focused world.

"If you come in here while I am working, I will kill you," Heavy said without looking up. It was a formality, almost.

"Yeah yeah." Scout brushed it off, as they both expected. "You gonna eat or what? We got dinner on tha table, and if you don't come 'n get it then I'm just gonna eat it for ya. Gotta keep this body in top shape, ya know?" And he heard Scout kiss his bicep.

Heavy took a moment to glance at the wall clock. Hm. It was dark outside the windows. He'd completely lost track of time. Well, he'd spent it well at least.

"Heavy is coming," he said, resting a hand on Svetlana's handle. Just a few more adjustments before he left.

"You bettah speed it up, I'm not gonna wait too much longer!" Scout said before he heard him turn away. "Don't come cryin' to me when you got nothin' to stuff your face with."

Most of the time, Scout liked hanging around him when bored just because Heavy didn't say much while he was rambling on about this and that, which Scout took for him listening. That was easy enough to deal with because Heavy could just tune him out and Scout never noticed.

When Scout was really bored, then he'd try to provoke Heavy into chasing him by calling him fat or stealing food from him or the like. There was no way on earth Heavy could ever catch him by normal means, but if he was clever, he could corner Scout when he wasn't paying attention. Then they'd roughhouse for a bit until Scout begged him to let him live, and then Heavy would let him go and he'd stumble off wheezing to go find someone else to bother.

It reminded him of playing chase-and-catch with his sisters when they were little, even if they weren't nearly as puny as Scout. Zhanna in particular had been a natural fighter. It always made him smile to think of them, or when something reminded him of them.

Scout had grown up as a little brother, and Heavy had grown up as a big brother, and in that sense they seemed to fit into that role with each other without ever saying it or talking about it. Heavy didn't particularly mind. It was just something he accepted as a fact of their life as a team. It was simple enough.

Sex is sex crossed his mind, something that should have been just as simple. Now without his guns to occupy him, he found himself thinking about that kiss again.

This was casual sex, he was sure. Medic never talked about it, they just did it without thinking or discussing it. What else could it be? It didn't need to be anything else, and it didn't need any kind of feelings about it. Heavy was usually so good at stoically accepting things, to the point where almost every member of his team had said he was bleak at some point. He was just realistic. Life was hard, and cruel, and unfair most of the time. He'd accepted that as a child.

Why was this bothering him so much?

He finally set Svetlana carefully in her appointed place, giving her one last affectionate pat, before he headed to join the others at dinner. Scout hadn't eaten Heavy's portion as he'd threatened, but that was primarily because he and Soldier were involved in another argument about nothing important.

Scout just always wanted attention; positive or negative, it didn't matter. Even if Soldier was throttling him against a wall, it was attention.

Medic was there, still in a very good mood, and waved to him as he came to sit down. Medic of course had his own things to work on during the day, although no one really wanted to know too much about what they were. Whatever it was had gone well, at least, judging by his smile. Maybe he and Engineer had made progress on whatever project they were working on together.

They all made idle chitchat over dinner, Heavy as usual mostly listening to the others go on and on. At one point, Medic brushed his foot against his a little too deliberately, and he'd given him a glance out of the side of his eye. Medic had an eyebrow raised at him.

Well... alright. It was a little outside their normal pattern, but why not? They didn't need a match as an excuse. If they wanted to have sex, they could have sex. And it wasn't as though Heavy had any other plans for the evening. He'd serviced all his guns already.

"I'm going to snap that scrawny neck of yours, maggot!" Soldier shouted as Scout grabbed his beer.

"You'll have to catch me first, chucklenuts!" And off he went with Soldier in hot pursuit. Scout loved getting people to chase him for obvious reasons. Unless you could outsmart him, you were not going to catch him, and Soldier didn't have much luck in the outsmarting department. One reason that Scout loved antagonizing him so much.

The rest of them barely noticed as they took off; this happened all the time. Conversation resumed, a card game was suggested, and it eventually came down to Heavy, Medic, Spy, and Sniper.

Medic wasn't terribly good at Poker. He wore his disturbing heart on his sleeve, for better or worse, particularly when he was in a good mood. Heavy had better luck and more experience, but compared to Spy or Sniper he was out of his league. Sniper had his sunglasses to help him bluff, and Spy remained composed no matter what happened. His balaclava didn't exactly help either.

Soon enough, Heavy and Medic were out, and they watched Spy and Sniper go another few hands before Demoman woke up from his stupor on the couch and wanted to join in. That seemed like a good cue to leave, and they made their way out as Spy and Sniper dealt out a new hand.

Even though he knew what was going to happen, Heavy couldn't help a little buzz of anticipation as he headed for his room with Medic following. This time, he even held the door open for him to let him in, to which Medic gave him a small but proper bow. It made him smile.

"You are bored, Doctor?" Heavy said, once the door was closed. Medic was looking at him with a broad smile, his hands folded behind his back.

"Aren't you?" he said, still smiling. "Why not have some fun?"

Why not indeed? Heavy shrugged, and the two of them met in the center of the room, already reaching for buttons and zippers. It didn't take much time; they were getting increasingly used to this.

They ended up as they usually did, with Medic sitting his lap, running his hands along Heavy's sides. They both were warm, their faces red, breathing hard against each other, caught up in sensation. Medic settled his hands around Heavy's back, pressing them together tightly, and it seemed like things were going to go like the previous time, with them using the friction of each thrust against each other to push them to the limit.

Heavy held onto him tight in return, his hands splayed across Medic's back, covering so much of his skin. Their movements sped as he could feel it building, with Medic resting his chin against his shoulder, panting, and Heavy got a sudden sense of foreboding.

Sure enough, Medic bit him again, hard, in nearly the same place, and he knew it, he should have known he'd do that again. Heavy couldn't help a short grunt of pain and surprise. He was biting him hard, and some animal part of him wanted to shake him off, push him away, but he couldn't. His brain function now seemed entirely focused on keeping up that mutual thrusting rhythm between them.

Medic opened his mouth to let him go, although he didn't move his head away. He could feel him breathing over the bite, the sudden coolness against his skin, his lips near his throat.

"Oh, are you hurt?" Medic said, throaty and low, in a way he only used for mocking people he was sawing apart on the battlefield. Heavy hadn't expected that voice, or imagined it in this context, and he made an inarticulate noise in response. "Do you need help?"

Heavy's throat felt tight, his heart was hammering. He didn't know what was happening. Medic kept talking, his voice so much lower and rougher than usual.

"Do you need healing?" he murmured across the skin of his throat. "Do you need my help?" He could feel him smiling, the faint touch of his teeth. "Do you need me? Call for me then."

"Ah-" What was this? What was Medic doing? Heavy felt light-headed, everything in him screaming that he was in danger, that he had to do something, but he didn't know what. Medic hadn't stopped moving against him, breathing hard with the effort, and Heavy couldn't have stopped matching him if he tried.

"Call for your doctor," Medic said, the words scratchy and deep. He wasn't sure he'd ever heard him sound this intense, not without death in his hands, a brutal murder only seconds away. "Call for your Medic."

For a second, he thought Medic was going to kill him.

At least, that's what he thought this feeling was.

The heat of it was unbearable, it built so quickly and so strongly that he couldn't help a thick, startled cry as he came harder than he could remember for a long time. His mind went blank, his heart was beating so fast he felt dizzy. Pleasure swept over him powerfully, left him with nothing else but the dim awareness of Medic's body pressed tightly to his, still moving. He wasn't sure how long it lasted, but it almost felt too long. He was left breathless and shivering, feeling cold pinpricks all over.

He opened his eyes to see Medic panting just as hard, sitting on his lap held loosely by his arms. He wasn't sure when he'd let his tight hold on him go. Medic had a hand to his head, his face burning, his glasses barely on. He rested his other hand on Heavy's chest as he looked down between them.

"Stupendous," Medic managed to get out after a few tries, still struggling to slow his breathing. "Even better than I expected!"

Heavy's shoulder throbbed, he still felt cold and suddenly exposed and vulnerable which made him angry. He took hold of Medic's arms, causing him to stare at him wide-eyed.

"Don't do that," he said, sharply. "Don't ever do that again."

He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Medic so perplexed. He might as well have been hit across the face with Scout's fish.

"Did you not enjoy it?" Medic sounded so confused. Heavy was shaking, and he hated it.

"Do not do things like that to Heavy." He let go of one arm to point at him, while Medic kept looking at him with a completely baffled expression. "Never again."

"I thought you'd like it." Medic's brow was furrowed as he tried to understand what was happening. "Given what happened last time, I expected-"

"Don't lie to me," Heavy said, his voice tight. "You did it for you, not for me."

Medic frowned at him, confused but he could catch a tinge of guilt there as well. "It wasn't only for me! From your reaction-"

"Everything is always for you, not for anyone else." Heavy was shivering with rage, or with something at least. He wasn't even entirely sure what he was angry at. Usually anger made him warm, but he still felt strangely cold all over, almost jittery. "Don't do that again."

Medic looked a little hurt, which under other circumstances, would have made Heavy feel guilty. As angry as he was, it didn't register. "It wasn't only for me," he said again, although it wasn't as strong. "I don't understand. From what I saw, you orgasmed harder than you had before when we'd done this, and the noise you made was entirely new and seemed quite positive, and-"

Unable to think of words, Heavy picked Medic up by his arms to take him off his lap and set him on the bed beside him. Then he stood up to start getting his clothes off the floor. At that, Medic held his hands out to him desperately.

"No, no, wait! Don't be angry! I won't do it again, alright? I promise!"

As surly as he was, Heavy was tempted to say that promises from Medic were worthless, but bit his tongue.

"I just thought..." Medic said, trailing off, and when Heavy looked over to him, he looked more hurt and bewildered than ever. "I won't do it again. I won't! Please don't go?" He held out his hands to him in a silent plea. As if remembering he missed something, he blinked. "I'm sorry for doing that, please don't go?"

Heavy pulled his shirt over his head, looking over at him with a frown. He was angry, but that didn't mean he liked seeing that look on Medic's face. He found himself standing in place, the two of them staring at each other. With him half-dressed and Medic naked, it felt like there was a sudden power imbalance.

"I don't understand why you're angry," Medic said, quietly, so confused and so sincere. "But I won't do it again."

Heavy stared at him and thought, you probably will.

And he thought, why am I angry?

"Why are you angry?" Medic said after another few seconds of silence, like he was reading his thoughts again. It only irritated him further.

Heavy looked down to the floor, his brow furrowed in thought. Pieces of their clothing marked a trail to the bed.

"You did not tell Heavy you would do that," he said eventually, although he wasn't sure if that was actually the reason. "You surprised Heavy. Did not like it."

"Oh, but, before when I..." Medic tilted his head at him.

"You did not say things like that." Now it was hard to meet his eyes, now he could feel his skin prickling again. "Did not like it."

"Oh!" Medic blinked a few times like a lightbulb went off over his head. "Oh, I see! Yes, that makes sense. We don't usually talk during this, do we? Well, I suppose I do, but not like that."

Medic's tone was a bit lighter, and Heavy had to admit, it was better than that wounded, disconcerted tone he had before.

"I just assumed it might heighten the experience for you." Medic clasped his hands together, his index fingers pressed to his chin. "I guess we can consider this experiment a failure?"

Heavy stared at him for a few seconds, trying to understand what it was he was feeling. Even anger didn't seem simple anymore. "Do not mind Doctor's experiments most of the time, but not this time."

"Yes, yes, of course." Medic nodded quickly. "Lesson learned, yes? We won't do that again."

Heavy stared at him a little longer, still frustratingly at a loss about it all. Why did it make him so angry? He thought back on it and as fresh as the memory was, it was almost hard to look at. What Medic had said, how he'd said it, something about it had dug deeper and gone farther than Heavy wanted him to. Left him feeling... what was it?

Embarrassed?

Any words he could think of for it were unacceptable to him. He didn't feel things like that, he simply didn't feel things like that. That Medic got past him and did that to him so easily, without any warning, without any way to defend himself or even understand what he was doing to him...

How often did he understand what Medic was doing to him, really?

Medic stared at him, pleading a little with his eyes. He pointed at his shoulder. "At least let me fix that for you, bitte."

At the reminder, Heavy's shoulder began to throb. He glanced over at it, but his shirt was covering it now. If he did leave, which he was still tempted to do, then he'd have to wait until tomorrow to get it healed. Did he want to wait that long? He could, but did he want to?

Would it be more awkward now to leave, or to sleep beside him again after everything had happened?

Actually... this was his room, shouldn't he tell Medic to get out instead? That was even worse somehow.

He stood there, thinking, and Medic kept looking at him with those pleading eyes, which was unfair. He didn't like seeing his doctor unhappy, and he didn't like him using that against him now.

Could he tell Medic to leave him alone, even when he was hurt? What was his limit? How much of this could he tolerate?

With a sigh, he pulled his shirt off, and he heard Medic make a quiet pleased sound on the bed. He didn't intend it, he was sure, but he couldn't help himself.

He sat down on the bed again, and Medic went looking around for a Medkit in the room. Heavy did have one, just in case, and once pointed out, Medic sat beside him to get to work on him once again.

"Ah... this one is deeper," Medic said as he looked it over. "I was trying a little harder."

"It hurts more," Heavy said, not sure of what else to say.

"Ja, it should." Medic started getting to work, sorting out antiseptics and cotton balls and gauze. "That only makes sense."

Heavy watched him for a little bit, the slight tremble in Medic's hands as he began dabbing at the wound. It was bleeding a little, he noticed now.

"Does Doctor like hurting Heavy?"

The words hung there in the air and he wanted to take them back, almost afraid of what the answer would be. Medic's hands fumbled a little as he caught his breath.

"Ah... well..." Medic's eyes darted around the room. "Not in a mean way... I thought you might like it, so..." He struggled for words, that nervous "I was just joking" bounce and awkward smile in his voice. "I mean, it's not the same as when I'm working or killing people, it's not like that. I thought, well..."

Not a no. Had he expected one?

"I thought, if you liked it, and I liked it... maybe it'd be fun?" Medic ventured, his voice a little high as he shrugged in a desperate ask for understanding. "This is supposed to be fun after all, right? Sometimes it's fun to try something different... I didn't realize it'd make you upset."

"That's why you ask."

"I thought it'd be more fun as a surprise."

"It wasn't," Heavy snapped. Medic shook his head with an annoyed frown.

"Yes, well, I know that now."

Heavy hmmphed, and Medic dabbed at the wound. He couldn't help the flinches at each sting.

"I don't really like hurting you," Medic said. "Not in this way."

"Biting way?"

"Well... no, that was fun," Medic said, laughing a little before he could stop himself. "It was fun! I admit it. But, I meant I don't like making you upset."

"Really?" Heavy blinked and looked at him. The idea that Medic cared about anyone's feelings was strange.

"Or making you angry at me! I don't like that either." Medic kept his eyes focused on his work. "Not just because you could snap a grown man in half like a twig."

It was a shameless attempt at flattery, and damn it, it worked. Heavy couldn't help feeling a little bit of pride at it. He could do that, if he wanted. He was not weak. Things like this, Medic biting him or saying things to him, they meant nothing to him. Nothing could touch him or affect him if he didn't want it to. The thought was soothing, and he could feel his anger starting to fade.

"Sometimes it's hard to know what you're thinking," Medic said quietly, dabbing more rubbing alcohol onto a new cotton ball. "You don't say very much, Heavy."

Heavy sat there for a few seconds in uncomprehending silence. Medic had trouble understanding him? He was the one who was hard to read? The idea that anything he'd done or said was anything but completely clear was completely foreign. He didn't mince words, he didn't hide how he felt about anything. How could Medic be confused about him?

...How much had Heavy really said about this? He thought back, and all that came to mind was when he'd asked Medic why they were doing this, and then the subject had been dropped and never returned to again.

He thought about how ecstatic Medic had looked when he said he wanted him as well. Did Medic genuinely not know? What did he think this was between them then?

What was this between them?

"...Did you like it when I bit you?" Medic said, softer still. "All the evidence so far suggested..."

Heavy was sure he'd already answered this question. He thought about it a bit more, feeling his fingertips twitch a little, a slight prickling on the back of his neck.

Medic wanted him to talk more. Heavy prided himself on being honest and forthright about everything. He should start doing that now.

"Don't know how it makes me feel," Heavy said eventually, also quiet, and Medic looked up at him. "Not sure if I like it."

Medic stared at him a second longer, then nodded. "I see." He turned back to the wound, pulling out the gauze. He finished wrapping it in silence, then he gave it another gentle pat that caused a shiver along his arm. "Well, if you do figure it out, let me know, yes?"

They stared at each other a little longer. Part of him wanted to tell Medic to leave just so whatever this tangled mass of emotion was would stop getting worse. Part of him thought of that confused look on his face, and how he'd held his hands out to him and asked him to stay. Part of him thought of how happy he'd looked when Heavy had made the first move, and how serene he looked when he slept. Part of him thought of how hatefully vulnerable he had felt at his careless hands.

Sex was sex. This was simple. It should be simple.

"Oh!" Medic stopped and then hit his forehead gently with the palm of his hand. "My Medigun! I could have just used that! Dummkopf! Should I go get it?"

The wound still throbbed under the bandages, but Heavy couldn't say that a part of him didn't like the delicate attention of Medic cleaning and dressing it by hand. Medic wasn't a delicate person by any definition of the word; getting that kind of attention from him was unique. He wasn't upset that it hadn't occurred to Medic until now.

Maybe some time away from him would help. "Da, thank you, Doctor."

Medic nodded, getting up and throwing on his shirt and pants quickly, and before he knew it he was gone. This time there was no cheery whistling or happy goodbyes. The air felt heavy and awkward, and it was no better when Medic left.

Heavy moved back on the bed so he could lean against the headboard, touching the bandaged wound lightly. It stung at the pressure. It would be better to get it taken care of. He'd sleep better for sure.

He thought about what had happened, what Medic had said, and got that small rush of heat he didn't want to analyze too closely. That weakness that came with it, that feeling of being stripped to his bones, how he wanted him to beg, he did not like that. How dare he? The warmth, though, the tinge of adrenaline at the thought, how his mouth went dry, the sound of Medic's voice... he wanted to shove it out of his head.

Why do you do what he tells you? The question came back to him unbidden. Is it because you like it?

How was he supposed to know? How was he supposed to figure that out? Right now, he hated the idea of doing anything Medic wanted. Medic trampled all over other people without concern. He shouldn't be listening to him. Medic would just do something like that again.

Heavy trusted him, and really, that was foolish. Was it any surprise that he'd ended up regretting it?

He told himself firmly that Medic was going to hurt him again at some point in the future, and on some level, he found that he already knew that.

On that same level, he knew that it didn't matter. Heavy could say or think or feel whatever he wanted to try and let go, but he wouldn't. He couldn't. That trust he had in Medic refused to budge.

Was that trust? What else could it be? If Medic asked him to have sex again, if Medic wanted to bite him and say those things against his ear, would he say no? He knew he'd say no, but there was some small, inexplicable part of him that wouldn't, that'd do it for reasons he didn't understand.

Heavy leaned his head back against the headboard with a sigh, thoughts and feelings colliding and bumping against each other without clarity like a muddy river. He hated this. This should be simple. It was supposed to just be sex. Fun. Simple.

Was that not sex? he thought. Even if it went badly?

Did it go badly? And after a moment, he thought, did I get hurt? Or did I just get surprised?

Heavy pressed his hands over his eyes. He wanted to just shut his brain off. Sex should clear his head, not make it get stuck in pointless circles like this.

There were three precise raps at the door, unmistakably Medic, and he uncovered his eyes.

"Heavy~?" There was that sing-song voice that he knew so well. Had Medic already gotten over the entire experience while he was still struggling to understand what happened? Why was everything so easy for Medic? It wasn't fair. "I'm back!"

Heavy got up to get the door. Medic beamed at him from the other side, his hands behind his back. He did not have his Medpack on.

"Doctor?" Heavy said, with a frown. Did he forget? He wasn't really in the mood for his antics right now. Medic didn't seem deterred.

"I got you something better!"

And he swept out his hands from behind his back to show him a plate with a perfectly made, perfectly cut sandwich on it.

Heavy's bad mood disappeared instantly. "Sandwich! Haha!" He took one half with a broad smile. "Thank you, Doctor!"

He stood aside to let Medic in, taking a small bite of the sandwich to savor it. It was perfect. All the right ingredients, all in the right proportions, even layered in the correct order with the olive on top... Medic had paid attention when he'd shown him how to make a sandwich. Heavy had tried to show the others and none of them had paid attention, but Medic had. The fond feeling he got from that thought was very simple.

"I thought you might like that better." Medic looked very pleased with himself. He folded his hands behind his back to watch as Heavy took another bite with a nom.

"Yes, is good." Heavy went to sit on the bed as he ate, taking the plate to catch any crumbs. Medic sat beside him, his back straight with his hands on his knees. He seemed much lighter now, maybe even relieved. "This is delicious."

"Good," Medic said, sounding a little smug. "It should be."

This sandwich really was exactly what he wanted to help clear his head. Sometimes his doctor could be so thoughtful and considerate. Who could be upset or confused with a mouthful of bologna? The warm affectionate feeling he had for him felt like it filled his entire chest.

I love this doctor, he thought, just as he often said in battle, as he finished the last bite of it. His shoulder didn't hurt at all anymore. It was hard to remember now what had happened, and given how unpleasant it had been to think about, he was a little grateful.

Give him a sandwich to think about and he'd be happy. Sandwiches and guns, those were simple, those he understood, those things made him happy.

He set the plate back on the night stand, then an awkward silence ensued. What to say now about all this? What could he say about this? They should talk about it, but he didn't know how. Talking about how he felt didn't exactly come easy to him. It was something he actively avoided most of the time.

What was there left to say? He told Medic he didn't like it, Medic said he wouldn't do it again. Wasn't that enough? Medic didn't understand why he was so upset... but Heavy couldn't explain that to him because he didn't know himself why he was upset. Even if he could find the words for it, would that even really help Medic understand? Empathy was not his strong suit. They both knew that.

He'd been upset and Medic brought him a sandwich because he knew it'd make him happy. Wasn't that a way of making up for what he'd done? Wasn't that the end of the whole affair and they could just forget about it now? Medic did something wrong, Heavy chastised him, Medic made it up to him, done. Finished. No need to dig into any harder aspects or complicated things about what happened. Every step in resolving a problem had been achieved. Wasn't that enough? Wasn't that better than the alternative of trying to untangle an ugly thornbush of emotions and then having to talk about them with someone who, in all likelihood, probably wouldn't understand anyway? It certainly seemed better at the moment. They could just move on now, that'd be best. Done and done.

If that was resolved, then what was next? Usually they fell asleep beside each other. If this was resolved, then that should be no problem, right? For some reason, the thought wavered. He should be fine with it now that it was all over. What was making him hesitate?

Medic cleared his throat in an attempt to clear the silence, and it didn't really work. He tapped his fingers on his knee while Heavy watched him do it.

"Do you want me to go?" he said, quietly.

Part of Heavy said yes, and part of him said no. He didn't want to think about all of that. The pain in his shoulder was gone. The matter was done with now. Finished. Everything was fine, everything was back to normal. He should just forget about all of it. Just forget about it.

Heavy shook his head, pushing any reservations down. "No, Doctor can stay."

"Oh, good." Medic let out a shaky breath. "I wanted to."

Would Medic have actually left if he told him to? He felt that odd feeling of power and control over him again. He could tell Medic what to do in battle at times, but mostly it was Medic who directed him when they were together.

It didn't feel exactly comfortable to tell him what to do now. He didn't want to examine why.

Another awkward silence ensued, and then finally Medic clapped his hands, making Heavy jump.

"Well!" he said, suddenly bright. "Time for bed, I think!"

Unprepared, Heavy simply watched as Medic shed his clothes again and got back under the covers, turning away from him. Heavy kept staring, but he didn't move.

What else to do? Heavy shed his own clothes and turned out the light, lying down beside him.

Sex was simple. This wasn't simple anymore. But he didn't know what it was.

He drifted off staring at the back of Medic's head.

Chapter Text

He slept fitfully, plagued with uneasy dreams. There wasn't much room on the bed for either of them to toss and turn, so he felt frustratingly trapped.

When Heavy woke, he had his head in the same position as when he'd fallen asleep. Medic was awake and staring at him again. He expected that same lazy, comfortable smile that he'd come to know well these mornings after, but it wasn't there.

Medic stared at him, his eyebrows drawn together a little, like he was considering something, maybe considering him. Maybe, although Heavy couldn't think of why, a little worried. What was there to worry about?

Medic usually would say "hello" to him in situations like this, like they'd just ended up here by happenstance, or he was pleasantly surprised to see him again. This time he didn't say anything.

Heavy hadn't realized how much he expected that lazy smile and greeting until he didn't get it. He'd always liked it, but not seeing it sent an almost palpable pang through his chest.

"Hello, Doctor," he said quietly, hoping that maybe that'd get things back on track. He tried to smile, but it was difficult. Medic still stared at him. He couldn't read what he was thinking about behind his eyes.

He wondered if Medic had even fallen asleep at all. How long had he been staring at him like this?

"Doctor is okay?" he said after another minute of silence. He felt so uneasy.

Medic let out a long sigh, closing his eyes. "Ja, I'm fine," he said.

"What is wrong?"

Medic opened his eyes to stare at him a bit more. That studying look was gone now. His expression was unfamiliarly blank.

"It's nothing."

Heavy knew it wasn't nothing.

"If something is wrong, you should tell me." He had to press him a little harder, he had to find a way back to how things should be. Medic shook his head as best he could while lying on a pillow with another sigh.

"I'm fine-" And he stopped, a word catching in his throat. "I'm fine, Heavy."

Heavy was sure that he was going to say Großer, and his chest ached. This was wrong. He had to fix this, he had to fix this but how? What was wrong?

Medic's hair was loose across his forehead again, and Heavy reached out to smooth it back.

Medic flinched.

Heavy stopped, frozen, unable to breathe, and they stared at each other, both wide-eyed. Why? started repeating in his head. Why would you do that?

"You think Heavy will hurt you?" he whispered.

He thought at first that Medic blinked, but he kept his eyes closed too long, his brow furrowed. Without warning, he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Heavy pushed himself up to join him. He was blocking the way off the bed, with Medic against the wall, and Medic started crawling over him to get out.

"What time is it?" he mumbled. Heavy was too confused to stop him, trying to process and understand what was happening. What was going on?

"Doctor?"

Medic looked at the clock, then looked in the mirror to adjust his hair. He started picking his clothes up off the floor.

"Doctor, what is wrong? Tell me please."

Medic buttoned up his shirt, his eyes fixed on the floor, his mouth tight in an uncertain frown, his forehead still lined with thought.

"If Heavy did something wrong, tell me." Heavy started to get out of bed himself. He was taken with the urge to just hold Medic to keep him from going, hold him close until he was back to normal. "Usually you are happy when you wake up."

Medic pulled on his boots and sighed. "It's not you, it's-... I'm just tired, Heavy. It's nothing." And then he was walking out the door. "I'll see you later today, yes?"

And then he was gone.

Heavy stared after him, frozen in place, his throat and stomach tight. What happened? What was going on? What had changed? How could he fix it? What had he done wrong?

When they'd started this, he'd never thought it could go wrong. It never even crossed his mind. The very thought of this going wrong, of this breaking, of all of it breaking, filled him with a sickening panic. The idea of losing someone just did something to his brain, something primal, losing someone without being prepared, without expecting it, no no no he could not let that happen. He could not let this happen.

There was a match today. They were going to have to work together, like nothing had happened. Heavy took a moment to swallow the panic down, to look in the mirror himself. There were bags beneath his eyes from the poor sleep. He looked down, and there was the plate on the nightstand. He felt sick.

He'd never seen the doctor like this before, and he was sure that it was somehow his fault, even if he didn't know why. Something he had or hadn't said, he didn't know, but if it was something he had done, then it was something he could fix, and he had to be able to fix this.

He had to get his thoughts clear, he had to figure out a plan. And when it came down to it, he was good at pushing things down. He dressed, stone-faced, took a deep breath and went to get something to eat.

It was lucky that he was so quiet in general. The others didn't notice when he didn't say anything while he ate. Everyone was bickering or discussing plans for the day, or chattering on about this and that. Medic, he noticed, was not present.

He was probably with his birds, he told himself.

Heavy didn't see him until they were preparing for the match. He looked as precise and professional as always. It would be difficult to tell there was anything wrong, except that he had that grim frown instead of his normal excited smile.

He was being extra focused today, Heavy told himself.

They all listened politely while Soldier outlined their general strategy, which as usual didn't make much sense. It still gave them an idea of what to do, which wasn't a bad thing to fall back on when push came to shove.

The round started, and that finally helped clear Heavy's head. You couldn't afford to think about anything else than the objective and keeping you and your teammates alive during battle. As though nothing happened, he and Medic again worked as a unit, watching out and protecting each other. Medic wasn't always with him, running into the fray to follow others when he was needed, but that was how things always were.

They'd been losing for too long. It had been enough. Finally, after a long and close battle, they succeeded.

When their victory was finally announced, everyone broke into loud cheers. Finally! Finally! They nearly shouted at each other in excitement to share their contributions and stories about what had happened. Heavy couldn't remember the last time that everyone was smiling this much, that everyone felt this good.

It was Soldier and Medic that had clinched the round. Medic used the ÜberCharge at just the right moment to give Soldier enough time to destroy the sentry blocking the control point, which let the others push and finish the job. Soldier grabbed Medic in such a crushing hug that he lifted him off the ground a little, and Demoman took that as an excuse to grab his legs, and before he knew it, the team was carrying Medic off on their shoulders in celebration. Medic was laughing hysterically, sputtering as he tried to say something but he was too happy to say anything coherent.

It was a welcome sight after this morning, and it soothed a lot of the worry in Heavy's heart. Things were good again. His Medic was happy, everything was good, they'd finally won and everything was back to normal. He was proud of Medic, he was proud of everyone, he was proud of himself for the part he'd played.

For a moment though, he felt a twinge of disappointment that he and Medic weren't going to have a chance to slip away for a few minutes, but it passed.

The celebratory party lasted far into the night, possibly one of the wildest and loudest they'd ever had. All he could really remember was feeling just so happy and at peace with it all. He loved his teammates. He loved his doctor. He loved everything.

When Heavy woke up the next morning with a headache, he realized he was sleeping alone. It took him a few minutes to really understand it, and he tried to recall what had happened.

Had they just forgotten about it in the chaos of the party? Or had Medic just not wanted to have sex with him at all that night?

Heavy stared at the empty spot in his bed where Medic usually slept, and he felt a kind of painful loneliness he hadn't experienced in a long time. It was similar to what he'd felt when he'd had to leave his family for America.

He had something and it was slipping through his fingers. He didn't know what it was, but he wanted it back. He wanted Medic back. It took until he was walking to get breakfast that it occurred to him that sex hadn't factored into it at all. He wanted Medic back period, regardless of whether sex was involved or not.

He couldn't name it, couldn't understand it, but whatever it was they had, he wanted it back.

The others all filed in slowly, shaking off the remnants of the previous night with groans and yawns. Even Scout was somewhat quiet. Heavy made a pot of coffee, as he usually did, and he felt tense and on edge. The muscles in his neck were sore with waiting, like all of him was at attention.

It was Medic he was waiting for, although he didn't know that until he saw him. His doctor looked tired, although not the same way as he had yesterday when he'd woken up. It was the same kind of post-party exhaustion that had affected them all.

Medic sat down, staring off into the distance with half-open eyes, like he was going to fall asleep on the table at any second. Soldier, Scout, and Pyro, who were also sitting at the table, seemed at similar risk. He couldn't see Pyro's face, but they were wavering back and forth in a telling way. Demoman had, unsurprisingly, passed out on the couch again.

It was quiet aside from the occasional unfocused murmurings as people talked to themselves, trying to wake up. Heavy poured himself a cup of coffee, stood there for a few seconds, then poured a second.

He walked over to the table and held it out to Medic, who turned to look at him with a series of slow blinks. For a moment, Heavy wasn't sure if he'd take it, and the thought was strangely terrifying.

Medic reached out slowly to take the cup, wrapping his hands around it as if to warm them. Heavy sat down beside him as Medic took a sip.

Heavy didn't realize he was waiting for something until Medic spoke.

"Thank you, Heavy," Medic said, quietly. It was almost like relief shook its way through him. That was normal, that was a good sign. He could fix this.

They prepared for the match without saying much to each other again, and as the day before, once it started, everything slipped back into its normal patterns. Filled with a desperate energy, Heavy fought with all his strength to bring them victory again. He needed it. He needed this. He needed to know he could do this right.

And they won, again.

Although not as ecstatic as the day before, still everyone celebrated and cheered. This time, it was Scout who'd pulled off the victory by slipping past the enemy lines to cap the point before they noticed him. Scout bragged and laughed while they patted him on the back, but his cheeks were red and he was shaking a little. Everyone's validation was getting to him, and Heavy was happy for him. He'd worked hard, he deserved it. He liked seeing him happy. He liked seeing all of them happy.

And Medic was celebrating with the rest of them just the same, and he liked seeing him happy.

They headed back into the base, and Heavy and Medic lingered behind as they usually did. And Heavy wanted to touch Medic's shoulder and start their pattern again. He wanted Medic to touch his shoulder to start things again.

But for some reason, he couldn't make himself do it. Some kind of barrier was there now, but he didn't know how or why. He moved his hand at one point as if to brush against Medic's, but he didn't reach far enough. They made it to the rec room at the same time as the others, and the party started as it usually did, and things went the same way as it had before.

Heavy didn't want things the way they were before. He didn't want this invisible, awful distance between them anymore.

What did he have to do? Apologize? Had he done anything wrong? He had to have done something wrong, but he couldn't think of what it was. Let Medic do whatever he liked? If it meant things could go back the way they were, he'd let Medic say all the things he wanted to him. He'd let Medic leave bites and scratches all over him until he bled. He'd do whatever it took to wake up to that serene, calm face in his bed again.

Anything to see him again. Anything to make this ache in his chest go away. He couldn't lose him, he just couldn't.

The party was over, and they were walking back to their rooms. Heavy thought about Medic going back to his own room alone, and it was unbearable. That panic was back, like if he missed this chance to do something, he would never have another one.

Medic turned away as if to leave him, and without thinking, Heavy reached out to take his hand. Medic looked at him, slow and confused. They were, after all, still drunk.

Come with me, Heavy wanted to say. Let us sleep together again. Let's go back to something simple.

And he thought, Let me make you feel better.

He didn't say any of those things. He just stood there, holding Medic's hand, and they stared at each other.

Then Medic moved closer to him, and he let Heavy lead him to his room.

Once inside, Heavy tried to think of the best way he could fix this, and instead wrapped Medic up in a tight hug. He wanted to touch him, hold him, keep him here, hold him. Medic started a little at it, maybe from how strong it was, and Heavy reached out to tilt his face up to kiss him, and Medic let him do it.

He held onto his sides with his strong hands, he kissed him with the pain of missing him, and Medic made a faint sound into his mouth and then wrapped his arms around his neck in return.

From then on, things started to feel normal. It wasn't a heat exactly, it wasn't the joy of victory today that drove him. It was a relief that this was happening, a kind of shaky elation that came with seeing someone who'd been gone for so long. His heart beat hard as he ran his hands along his body, as Medic touched his face and his arms. When he traced the arch of Heavy's spine, he couldn't help a quiet groan, and he saw Medic's eyes widen at it.

It ended just as it had begun - Medic pressed their cocks together with a slick hand, and he leaned against Heavy's shoulder, breathing across his skin. And there was that feeling of foreboding, that fear that sent tingles across him, anticipation that left him shaking.

Medic didn't bite him, but with how tense he was, he almost wished he did, just to get it over with.

It took longer this time than usual, something muted about this compared to their other feverish nights, and he got to appreciate each wanting sound Medic made as he panted for breath. And maybe it was the relief, maybe it was something else, but Heavy let himself match him. He made quiet noises in an echo to his, and he felt Medic shudder at each of them.

Maybe Medic liked the sounds he made in return. He hadn't thought about that until now.

When it hit him, Heavy moaned and held onto him tightly, thinking blearily about how he never wanted to let him go. He felt it reverberate though him, and he heard Medic make that same kind of half-yelp that he usually did during this, that same sound that made his heart jump with concern and attention. Are you hurt, he thought, and he thought it again when the jump passed. Are you hurt?

Are you hurt?

They panted for a few moments, then slowly let each other go. Medic sat back on his lap, his glasses askew in that charming way, his cheeks red, and it was one of the most beautiful things Heavy had seen. Some part of him had been afraid he'd never see it again.

Medic looked at him, and Heavy hoped for him to laugh, but he just gave him that tired look. He wanted to ask him if he was okay, but he feared it would ruin the moment and things would break down again, and he couldn't bear it.

Medic looked at him, something in his eyes he couldn't read, and he touched Heavy's cheek and leaned in to kiss him again.

The sex was over, there was no need for kissing. It didn't match, it didn't fit. But Heavy pressed his hand over Medic's and kissed him back this time. It was slow, and the only word he could think of to describe it was sweet. That, he wasn't sure he'd experienced during these nights before.

They parted, a little breathless, and again they stared into each other's eyes. Medic kept his hand where it was, and Heavy kept his over it.

What was this? What were they? Heavy's chest still ached for him, even though he was right in front of him.

"Why did you kiss me?"

He said the words before he thought about them. Medic stared at him, blinking once or twice slowly. He wasn't smiling, but he didn't look like he was confused or upset. There was something in his eyes he hadn't seen before, something that didn't suit him.

"I wanted to," Medic said.

"Why did you want to?"

Medic's eyebrows drew together a little, that feeling in his eyes getting stronger. He swallowed, blinking again, a faint tremble in his voice. "I wanted to."

There was almost something pleading to it.

Wasn't this what Heavy thought would happen? Wasn't this the answer he'd expected? There wasn't anything more to it than simple desire - they did this because they wanted to. That was all there was to it.

Why did you want to? the question echoed within.

It felt good. It was fun.

Why did you want this tonight?

He missed how good it felt.

Why were you so upset without him?

He wanted him.

Why?

It hurt to be without him.

Why?

It ached in his chest with loneliness and guilt. Whatever it was he'd done, he wanted to fix it. He wanted to hold Medic in his arms, see and hear his pleasure, see his sleeping face.

Why did Medic want this tonight?

The question stuck without an answer.

Didn't he just tell you?

"You want Heavy?" It didn't sound exactly like a question.

Medic nodded, slowly. Heavy tightened his grip on Medic's hand beneath his own a little.

"Heavy wants you, too."

Medic stared at him a little longer, swallowed again, and then a faint smile crossed his lips. Heavy shivered with relief almost. "You've said." Medic's voice was quiet. After a moment, he tilted his head a little with that same faint smile. "It is fun, isn't it?"

"Not just for sex." Heavy tightened his grip on him again. "For everything. Like seeing you when you wake up. Like seeing you happy. Like bringing you coffee when you wake up. I want that." Heavy took a breath. "I want that for everything."

Medic stared at him a little longer, then let out a shaky laugh. "Really? I thought this was just about sex for you."

Heavy blinked at him, so taken aback he even leaned backwards a little as if struck. With how he felt right now, the idea seemed impossible. Still, when he looked back through his memories... was that actually wrong? "That was how it started. Not like that now."

Medic paused, then laughed again, a little stronger this time. "When did that happen?"

Heavy shook his head. "Not sure. Just happened."

Medic laughed again under his breath, and Heavy reached up to touch his face with his free hand. He leaned a little into his palm.

"Doctor feels the same?"

Medic looked at him for a few seconds, then closed his eyes. "Honestly, Großer..." He let out a sigh, although he was still faintly smiling. "I don't understand any of this at all."

In a way, that was exactly the kind of response he expected from him. He felt a wave of affection for him, and he used his grip to pull Medic closer to touch their foreheads together.

Something silly came to mind, something he hoped might lighten the air a little, something that'd bring them equilibrium.

"I love this doctor," he said with a smile and a playful edge. Medic thankfully, beautifully, laughed with more of his natural energy.

"I know." And he was smiling again, wider now. "You always say that."

"Because I do."

"You just love me for my ÜberCharge," Medic said, with the same playful tone. Heavy shook his head, moving them both a little in the process.

"Never!"

He was still smiling, and Medic was smiling back at him, and it was growing between them, the darkness finally passing and the weight on his chest finally leaving. Medic kept laughing, finally lightness coming to it, and he rested his head against Heavy's shoulder with a sigh that made his heart throb with warmth. Heavy wrapped his arms around him, and Medic fit against him nicely again.

He'd do anything to keep him like this. Anything to keep this happening forever, every night. Anything to have that promise of seeing him at peace in the morning, seeing him shiver with pleasure at his hands, seeing the happiness on his face when he said he wanted him.

"I missed you," Heavy said before he could think better of saying it. Medic's breath against his skin quickened in a little laugh.

"It's only been a day." He could hear him smiling still.

"Even just a day," Heavy said, still holding him tight. "Didn't realize how much I'd miss you until it happened." He thought for a moment. "Doctor felt the same?"

There was a pause that filled him with a sudden fear, set his nerves on end with an unpleasant surge of adrenaline.

"I did," Medic said, with a little bit of a teasing edge to it, like he'd waited and scared him on purpose. "I've gotten so used to this now."

They stayed like that for a few more moments, quiet and thinking. He could feel Medic's heartbeat under his arms, feel him breathing. He thought of the relief whenever Medic escaped death on the battlefield, the pride whenever he stopped someone that threatened him harm. Here he was, alive and safe. What he wouldn't do to keep this.

"If Doctor wants to bite and say things, that is fine," Heavy said with a long breath, and he felt Medic twitch against him. "It's okay. As long as Doctor stays, it is fine."

Medic laughed again. "Really? I'm going to hold you to that."

"'Hold you to that'? What does this mean?"

"I might bite and say things to you again. If I feel like it. Or maybe other things. I have lots of plans." He was teasing him by the tone in his voice, but Heavy could never be entirely sure that he wouldn't actually do that. "I think you'll like them."

Heavy couldn't help but protest a little. "Didn't like last one."

"Oh, I don't know about that. Are you sure?" Medic said in that same playful way.

He'd been awfully sure that night... he thought he'd been sure. His mouth twisted uncomfortably, he couldn't think of what to say, and Medic laughed against his neck.

"Maybe you want me to ask you next time? What do you think?" He could hear the smile in his voice, that bit of a predatory tone as it lowered. "What would you do if I asked if I could bite you?" His voice got softer and slower, like he was savoring each word. "What if I asked you how hard to bite you? Would you say?"

Heavy felt uncomfortably hot, his heart beating hard in his cheeks. The mental image of that was doing something to him that he didn't exactly want to examine right now. Presented with the scenario... he couldn't picture himself saying no, and he really had no idea how to deal with that.

He had to say something, and what came out was a simple, "Do not know."

Medic hummed, perhaps satisfied, perhaps unsurprised by that answer. "Well, next time I will ask you, and we'll see what the answer is, hm?"

This time, all he could do was make a non-commital grunt in response, which didn't seem to bother Medic at all. They were quiet together for a few moments, their breathing nearly in-sync, the warmth in Heavy's face fading back to comfortable normalcy. He felt Medic take a deep breath, his body moving just so against him, each point of contact between them all so significant.

"After all..." Medic breathed by his neck, uncharacteristically soft and without heat now. There was something vulnerable and small about it, a moment of sincerity in all his teasing. "I don't want to make you upset again."

That felt too real, almost, too intimate. Heavy's first instinct was to brush over it, ignore it, nudge it to one side so conversation could continue without anyone focusing on any embarrassing feelings. That wasn't the kind of thing you talked about, not like this. And he didn't like the idea of having to be treated delicately, of having weaknesses, of having soft spots that someone would have to handle with kid gloves. He was strong. He was strong, and his whole life he'd dedicated himself to that. It was difficult to even admit that he had been upset, or that Medic had been the cause of it. How could someone like him, so powerful and so strong and so resilient, ever be upset about anything? He hated that idea, rejected it outright with indignation.

It was his instinctual reaction to the thought of Medic being careful with him, of having to account for his feelings, but it wasn't the only thing that went through his mind. He thought of Medic tending to the wound, making him a sandwich, frantically apologizing to him, looking so confused and frightened. How he'd asked if Heavy wanted him to go, how he'd looked when he said that he'd wanted to kiss him. How he felt right now, here in Heavy's arms, the relief of having his doctor with him again. The relief of it.

Heavy didn't need his Medic to be careful with him. But if it made Medic feel better to be careful, then...

Heavy made another quiet noise, an acknowledgment that he'd heard. Medic's body slid just so against his as he let out a sigh. He reached a hand up to touch Heavy's throat, running his fingers along his Adam's apple in a way that sent tingles through his body.

"I want to keep doing this." Medic traced his fingers up and down, and in a sense he wished he'd stop because it kept making him shiver. He was still speaking softly. "I want to keep doing this as long as we can." And then he laughed in that ominous, dangerous little way, back to his more normal self. "I want to find other things you like. You have interesting tastes, Großer."

Heavy was relatively sure he did not, but when he wanted to protest, he just grunted again instead. Medic laughed under his breath in a way that was a little annoying.

Well, Medic was still Medic.

Medic pulled away from him, which was a little disappointing. Was this moment over already? His absence left him feeling cold and his arms empty, but not for long. Medic leaned forward on his lap and kissed him again, and Heavy settled his hands on his waist again to hold him. He slid his hands slowly and meaningfully down Heavy's chest in a way that made his breath quicken.

Again? Well, that'd be a first, but he was willing to try. If Medic was willing, he was willing.

Where Medic led, he'd follow. And the thought, although he didn't want to dwell on it, made him happy. At least for now, it made him happy.

The second time left them exhausted but strangely light afterwards, Medic resting boneless against him, helpless with breathless laughter, while Heavy sang quietly by his ear. He couldn't help himself; sometimes he just had to sing a little. It was just a simple tune - he couldn't think of anything more complicated in his current state of mind.

"Me, and my doc-tor~" he rumbled out the melody, and Medic laughed in an almost painfully fond way. He sounded so happy. After what he'd been through the past day, he wanted nothing more.

They laid down beside each other, staring into each other's eyes, and they couldn't stay awake for long.

Not that Heavy really wanted to. He knew what he'd see the next morning.