Chapter Text

Rey trudged up the stairs, out of breath from practically running home from Rose’s party. 

The party where she’d just humiliated herself.

Poe and his best friend Ben were being so loud again that she could hear their deep voices before reaching the top of the staircase. Once she’d fully ascended, she could see the flashing lights emanating from beneath her big brother’s door, indicating they were once again playing Call of Duty.

It was late, but it was pretty typical for Ben to spend the night at their house, usually to cover for the fact that he and her brother were sneaking out to go party in the woods with their super cool friends.

Rose’s party, an intrepid endeavor to become “cool” themselves, had been successful for everyone but Rey. To their amazement, everyone’s crushes had shown up, including Rey’s. She’d been this close to kissing him when the bottle landed directly between her and her nemesis from fourth-period chemistry, Bazine. Kaz had looked at them both expectantly, and Rey froze with sheer terror at the prospect of finally kissing the boy of her dreams. Her first kiss ever, for the record. 

With Kaz. In front of half of the tenth grade class. 

But before Rey could unfreeze, Bazine quickly took action, robbing her of her destiny. Rey had to watch in abject misery as Kaz's tongue wrestled with her enemy instead. To make matters worse, Snap Wexley was next up to spin. He was the sweetest boy who’d made heart eyes at Rey since the third grade, but she didn’t have the heart to reject him in front of everyone if it somehow landed on her. Especially since Kaz and Bazine immediately left the circle hand in hand to go make out in Rose’s garage. Rey’s friends begged her to stay, but they had already found boys to make out with, and she felt embarrassed and alone. She ran out crying like a giant loser, and her friends let her, which somehow made it even worse. Not that she blamed them, or that she would have acted any differently if she were in their much luckier shoes. It just really sucked. 

Rey tiptoed into her room, eyes still welling, and pulled off her small cross-body purse, tossing it on her desk. She nudged off her Converse and stripped off her party outfit, a simple tank top and flared skater skirt that made her feel like she had a snowball’s chance in hell with Kaz. So much for that. 

She opted for last night’s discarded pajamas - a tight, faded Garfield Christmas t-shirt and a pair of Minions boxers that had been White Elephant gifted to her from Poe last year. The joke was on him because she liked the fit and secretly had watched all the Despicable Me movies alone. Because they were basically underwear, she didn’t bother to replace the silly black lacy ones she’d worn to the party with hope in her heart.

It wasn’t the coolest ‘fit Rey could wear if she happened to run into her brother’s hot friend in the hallway. Still convinced she was doomed to die a lonely virgin anyway, she shrugged, knowing it didn’t really matter what she wore. All Ben would see was his friend’s goofy little kid sister anyway.

And it’s not like she had an actual crush on Ben. For one, she was a Sophomore nerd who’d only sprouted actual boobs roughly two months ago, far behind most of her classmates. Secondly, he was a popular Senior Varsity lacrosse player going to college in less than a year, where there would be much prettier girls with much bigger boobs to fawn over him. It would be like hoping to fall in love with the imaginary character Kylen Renlo from Space Battles. That’s how far-fetched a relationship between them would be. 

Not to mention, Poe was extremely protective of Rey ever since his ex-friend Beau tried to hit on her when she was still in braces. From then on, he’d started loudly threatening to stick a lacrosse stick up the ass of the next dude that so much as breathed on her.  

Come to think of it, she might have a better chance with Kylen Renlo.

Eager for the sweet release of sleep, she padded across the hallway to their shared bathroom and flipped the light switch on before shutting the door quietly behind her. Her parents had learned to sleep like rocks with all the constant noise from their rambunctious teens, but she didn’t want to attract Poe’s attention either.

Rey was adopted by the Damerons, her father’s friends, after he died in combat. She’d already lost her mom when she was six, so she and her dad had already been a constant fixture in their home. But ever since she officially became their family on paper, Poe babied her even more intensely, looked out for her, and had generally been a big, brotherly nuisance. If he saw that she’d been crying, he’d interrogate her into telling him whose fault it was. She’d have to explain that teen girls are simply devastated on a regular basis and that it wasn’t anything he had to fight anyone over. It was sweet, if not annoying, most of the time. 

As she brushed her teeth, she looked in the mirror and took in her tear-swollen, freckly, pathetic face. She spat in the sink both out of necessity and out of disgust. Of course Kaz chose Bazine instead of her. 

The rush of the water from the faucet must have obscured the sound of the door opening because when she rose from rinsing out her mouth, she almost screamed at the sight of a big, towering –

“Ben! You scared the shit out of me!” she cried out, heart racing as he gave her a casual smile.

“Sorry,” he offered with no apparent remorse and a twinkle in his eye. “You almost done?”

“Yeah,” she sniffed, eyes welling again at the thought of Ben potentially realizing she’d been crying, like some kind of rude self-fulfilling prophecy. Then he’d tell Poe, and it would be a whole thing and–

“Hey, you okay?” He asked as he opened the medicine cabinet where he already had his own special toothbrush since he spent so much time at their house. “You look like you’ve been crying,” he added, closing the mirrored cabinet door. “Like a lot.”

She sniffled again and closed her eyes, more frustrated than ever. She slipped her toothbrush back into the holder. “It’s nothing. Stubbed my toe,” she lied.

“Yeah, okay,” he shook his head as he applied her toothpaste to his brush. “Who was it?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, grabbing the hand towel to dab away the water from her chin.

“The guy that made you cry.”

She huffed a soft, wistful laugh. “Like I’d tell you. Poe’ll just embarrass me at school on Monday.”

“So it was a guy,” he responded with a satisfied smirk as he started to brush his teeth.

Shit.

She had no reason to hold back since he’d already seen right through her. At least she could share enough to keep Poe from overreacting if Ben had loose lips. 

“It’s not a big deal,” she lied. “Just a stupid kissing game. A guy I really like kissed someone else because I chickened out and missed my shot.” She stared for a beat too long at the brush going in and out of Ben’s mouth and the foam forming at the corners of his full, pink lips. “It’s fine. I’ll get out of your way.”

Before she could dart past him and into the freedom of wallowing in her own shameful solitude, Ben’s arm shot out, and he grabbed her gently by the bicep.  

“Whoa, wait. You’re not gonna drop some juicy hot goss like that and just leave,” Ben laughed.

Rey felt frozen again and stared in disbelief at where his thick fingers wrapped around her upper arm, feeling the warmth of his palm seeping past the thin, worn fabric of her crappy Garfield shirt and into her skin. 

“I- uh-'' she stammered as he slowly released her. “There’s nothing else to say, really.” She turned to face him as he spat in the sink, holding the brush mid-air. 

“Why'd you chicken out if you really like him?” he asked in a playfully mocking tone. She wanted to thumb away the toothpaste from his chin and it took far too much strength to resist.

“I can’t say because I feel stupid,” she responded, crossing her arms over her chest. Why was Ben so interested in her pathetic, non-existent love life, anyway?

Ben rinsed and put his toothbrush back in the cabinet. She watched as he wiped his mouth on the same part of the towel where her mouth had just been before he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the sink, mirroring her body language. “It’s okay. I won’t tell your brother if that’s what you’re worried about. I’m just curious.”

Maybe he would tell Poe, and maybe he wouldn’t. It was the first time Ben had shown any interest in her whatsoever. And something about being the center of his attention was absolutely intoxicating. She wanted to tell him everything, even though the way he looked at her was starting to make her knees feel like jelly. Because he seemed like he might actually listen to her. Unlike everyone else in her life.

“I-um-” She paused, still finding Ben hanging on her every word, urging her to be braver than she felt. She kept her eyes trained on the soft blue tiles between their feet, hers bare and his clad in white athletic socks with gray patches over the toes. “I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

“Hmm.” When she brought her eyes back to his face, she saw his lips were pressed tightly together, but his eyes were lit up like he was trying not to smile. Or laugh at her.

“See, it’s embarrassing!” She threw up her hands and stepped backward toward the door, edging toward escape, having had enough humiliation for one night.

“It’s not that big a deal,” he shook his head reassuringly, loosening his arms and standing straight to rest his hands on his hips. It tightened his shirt around his torso, and she resisted counting his ab muscles through the fabric.

“Maybe not to you,” she responded with frustration. Like Mr. Varsity Homecoming King ever had to worry about things like this. Like being an unwanted geeky loser who biffed their only chance at putting their lips on another human. “You’ve probably kissed a lot of girls, had sex even,” she added, immediately regretting the words as they flew out of her mouth unabated. 

“So what?” he shrugged, placing a large hand on the counter as he leaned down to view her at eye level. It was unnerving and sent a shiver through her body. 

“How can you downplay my struggle when you can’t even relate?” she asked more timidly, her voice softening. She wasn’t sure what she wanted from him other than his sympathy or for him to reveal the ultimate secret to being attractive to the opposite sex. Though, judging by his general hotness and confidence level, it probably just came naturally to him.

“Even I was a virgin once,” he replied with a sly smile that she wanted to slap or kiss. She couldn’t decide. She really needed to stop focusing so much on his plush, enticing lips. 

“Thanks, that really helps. Truly.” She let out an exaggerated huff, but she couldn’t really be mad at him, not when his hair was flopping over his forehead like that, and his attention was so focused on her.

He laughed softly and stepped towards her, making her breathe in sharply until he sidled past her towards the door. “You’re pretty, you’ll be okay. Just don’t be so fuckin’ afraid of everything. Own it. You see a guy you wanna kiss? Just go for it.”

She looked up at him in wide-eyed disbelief. 

“You-you think I’m pretty?”

He nodded as if he’d simply informed her of the weather. “Of course. It’s not an opinion. You just are.” There was nothing in his expression to indicate he was being untruthful.

“Um, thanks,” she replied sincerely, feeling her cheeks heat all of a sudden.

“Don’t mention it, kid.” He winked, holding her gaze for what felt like a lifetime, her breath shortening, her vision narrowing so all she could see was his handsome face. A face she’d seen hundreds of times but never bothered to study until now. He was so close now that she could see the fine stubble covering his chin, the scar on his jaw where Poe had hit him with a hockey puck in eighth grade. 

He opened the door and started disappearing into the hallway's darkness and out of her orbit. Rey felt her still-unkissed lips tingle with unrequited desire for the second time that evening. 

You see a guy you wanna kiss? Just go for it.

This time, she wouldn’t let the chance pass her by.

“Wait!” she whispered loudly as his hand slipped off the door frame and into the dark before she could grab it.

Rey waited for a few moments, heart sinking at the thought that he hadn’t heard her. Just as she was about to close the door, Ben’s hand reappeared, followed by his head as he ducked it back into the small room. 

“You okay?” he asked with a concerned expression. She could swear she heard trepidation in his voice, like he knew as well as she did that everything was about to change. 

It was now or never. 

Chapter Text

“Get back in here,” she whispered, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling with all her might before she lost her nerve. 

“Whoa, whoa. What’s this about?” he chuckled slightly too condescendingly for her taste. It was okay. Rey didn’t need him to like her. She just needed to get this over with.

She ushered him back inside and closed the door before turning around and essentially blocking his escape with her body.

I can’t believe I’m doing this.

Rey took a deep breath as Ben seemed to eagerly anticipate what she wanted to say, a mixture of amusement and curiosity in his face, his eyes darting from her face to her body and back again. 

“Can you please just kiss me so I can get it over with? And maybe let me know if I’m any good at it?”

“Rey-” he started, his face turning serious. “Your brother would have my balls, you know that, right?”

She knew it was a big ask for him to betray his best friend by macking on his little sister. But she also knew that Ben didn’t really think of her that way. “Look, it’s not personal, and I won’t get attached. It’s just a charity kiss,” she offered, though she wasn’t sure she was even convincing herself.

Ben’s eyes traveled to the door toward Poe’s room as if weighing the risk. He closed his eyes briefly and took a deep breath before opening them again. He pressed his lips together and raised an eyebrow. “And what’s in it for me, exactly, given the risk of ball loss, etcetera?”

She balked, crossing her arms over her chest, suddenly nervous as if she’d waded into deeper water than expected. What was the equivalent of something as monumental as a first kiss, even though it didn’t really mean anything… to either of them? 

“I mean, I just need to get it out of the way. It can be quick,” she offered, downplaying its significance in the hopes the price wouldn’t be too steep. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

Ben smiled, seemingly pleased to have started negotiations, and walked backward until he was close enough to sit on the closed lid of the toilet. “Come on over here,” he insisted in a soothing voice. “I promise I won’t bite.”

His words sounded sincere, but a brief flicker in his eyes indicated otherwise. 

Ben sat down as Rey approached like a timid fawn wondering if the wolf was about to sink its canines into her delicate throat. “Sit here,” he instructed, looking up at her expectantly as he patted his thigh.

Her heartbeat accelerated tenfold, and she suddenly realized the gravity of the moment. Maybe he wouldn’t want anything in return after all. Perhaps he felt bad for her. He was being kind, at least. She knew what he was risking by being in here with him at all, so she didn’t deign to question him.

Afraid of encountering the mysterious and potentially terrifying region between his legs, Rey rested her palms on his shoulders and straddled a single thigh instead, her feet resting on the floor on either side of his leg. It was a little awkward, but there was plenty of room for her to perch on his mile-long thigh, and he didn’t seem to mind, lightly wrapping his hands around her back to steady her.

Ben gazed up at her, his voice soft and reassuring, his fingers gently rubbing her back through her thin t-shirt. “Just close your eyes and follow my lead, okay?”

Rey nodded and acquiesced, her eyelids fluttering shut as her heart pounded beneath her ribcage. 

His lips were soft against hers, pressing gently, in what felt like a very chaste kiss compared to what she’d expected from the purported Senior Class Sex God (a title bestowed upon him in Sharpie in the very last bathroom stall, at least). She pursed her lips slightly, deathly afraid to do something wrong, as she tightened the circle of her arms around his neck. 

Ben pulled away, and his hands lowered to her waist, sending goosebumps across her body. It was far too fast, and she couldn’t believe it was already over. But at least it was done. However, he did not seem to have any urgency to let her go or send her on her way for some odd reason.

Stay cool. Stay cool.

“Not bad,” he praised. “Now let’s try it with tongue. I’ll go first.”

“Oh,” she blushed then, relief coursing through her. “Okay.”

“Just relax,” he insisted as he cradled his hands around her face. He tilted her head gently and parted her lips with the soft tip of his tongue without further warning.

She whimpered, her mouth opening to accommodate it as it brushed against her own in a slow, sensual circle that sent a brief, sharp bolt of pure need straight to her center. 

“Now you do the same thing.” his breath was heavier now, and she couldn’t help but wonder if that meant he was enjoying himself.

The tongues were something else entirely when she allowed herself to participate, and he went deeper into her mouth, licking and exploring. She soon felt a pang of potent arousal coursing through her whole body before settling deep in her belly. Moving her hips without thinking, she pressed her mound against the strong bone and thick muscle along the top of his thigh until it just started to relieve the unbelievable pressure building between her legs.

Ben quickly grabbed her by the waist. “Wait,” he said, his voice low and threatening, startling her from her mindless pursuit of relief.

“I’m sorry-” she blurted out, deeply embarrassed as she covered her face. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

He seemed dazed, lost in thought, probably imagining Poe’s disappointed face instead of truly looking at hers. She understood but didn’t want this between them to end just yet.

“No, no. It’s okay,” he reassured her, returning her gaze now. “Just caught me off guard.”

“I should go,” she said, shaking her head back and forth, ready to sink deep into the earth and become one with its molten core. 

She knew Ben was not the best target for her unrequited lust, but it had to go somewhere, and he just happened to be in the way. She regretted nothing except that it might hurt Ben’s relationship with her brother. She’d gotten what she wanted, and that should be enough. Only it took every ounce of her strength to even begin to separate her body from his. 

“Stay,” he reassured her, his grasp still tight around her hips. 

“I really shouldn’t,” she disagreed, still unable to move. “Thank you for the kiss and–”

“Rey–” he admonished her in a sterner tone. “I’m not done teaching you yet.”

“Oh,” she said softly, flooded with sudden relief.

“Just relax,” he whispered before pressing his now-wet lips to hers again.

Her body remained rigid for a moment until he started pulling her forward by the hips and pushing her backward, urging her to repeat her earlier movements. 

She braced her hands back on his shoulders and joined him, rocking and canting her hips until she caught on to the rhythm he’d introduced and found the perfect amount of pressure against his broad, solid thigh.   

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he asked, his voice unexpectedly needy.

She bit her lip and nodded in agreement, her eyelids half-closed as he guided her by the hips. His eyes traveled from her breasts down to where she was grinding her clothed sex against him and back to her lips.

Ben kissed her again, this time more aggressively, his grasp on her waist tightening as he moved her body faster. She must be good at kissing if he wanted to keep going. It only made the intense feeling in her core heighten until it felt unbearable not to chase it to its inevitable conclusion. Her clit rubbed deliciously against his leg with only two flimsy layers of fabric—her boxer shorts and his khakis—between them.

“You gonna come?” he asked, his voice strained.  

“I don’t know,” she answered truthfully, her voice shaky. She might have had one a few times, but she wasn’t exactly sure if any of them counted as a real orgasm. Only that it felt nice to rub against her pillow. But never like this. 

“You do know,” he insisted. “Own it.” 

His grip loosened, but his hands remained wrapped around her slender waist, his thumbs nearly touching, making her feel contained, like her cells might not explode and dissipate into the ether if he kept holding her together. 

This time, she kissed him, slipping her tongue into his mouth, claiming him, grinding faster, feeling her need for release build until she thought she might cry from the frustration. Ben moaned into her mouth, and the validating sound of him taking enjoyment from hers sent her past the point of no return. The intense buildup burst into liquid pleasure that spread from deep in her cunt through her belly and radiated all the way to her fingers and toes. She clung to Ben, wishing she could wrap her legs all the way around him, merge with him completely.  

“Ah-hunnhgh,” she whined as quietly as she could into his neck, fearful they might wake the whole house. 

“Fuck, Rey,” he groaned, wrapping his arms around her to pull her tight against his body before leaning back to survey the aftermath. She shivered a little as he regarded her with an exacting stare.

“Look at the mess you made, little girl,” he declared, lifting her slightly off his thigh to reveal the darkened wet patch on his khakis. It wasn’t too far beneath the stark outline of his bulging erection, and she quickly averted her eyes from both visceral images.

Was that normal? Gross even? Would her humiliation ever cease?

“I–”

Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, to her horror, Ben swiped a finger through it. 

And stuck it in his mouth.

She winced, expecting him to scowl in horror or distaste. But instead, he looked positively intoxicated. His eyes were hooded, and his finger lingered between his lips until he pulled it away with a lascivious pop. 

Before she could properly register Ben’s unexpected response to tasting her first orgasm,  he kissed her again. He lifted them both to standing in one fluid motion. She felt her feet hit the ground firmly, startling her back to reality. 

“You did good, kid,” he praised her, his voice husky.  “You should go, though. I need to, uh, take care of something.”

“Can I help?” She offered without thinking and then instantly regretted it as he adjusted himself with a grimace. 

He seemed to briefly consider her offer, staring distantly at the space over her head before shaking his own. “Poe would fuckin’ kill me. Just go to bed, okay? And keep this just between us.”

He kissed her forehead, turned her around by the shoulders, and practically shoved her out the door.

Standing in the hallway, speechless as the door closed behind her and left her in darkness, she considered insisting she stay and solve the problem she’d created. But as the hormones swirled through her system, they brought clarity and anxiety with them. She shook her head. No. She wasn’t ready to help him with that just yet. And he clearly didn’t want her to. Maybe he’d just gotten carried away, and the guilt of betraying Poe had finally sunk in. 

She felt guilty, too, but not nearly enough to regret what they’d done. She touched her tender lips with her fingertips and smiled as she strode to her room. 

Chapter Text

Rey’s first instinct upon gingerly shutting her bedroom door and flopping onto her bed in a heap of girlish delight was to immediately text her friend Rose to share the good news.

Then she remembered two things: 1) Rose was probably still sucking face with Armie Hux, and 2) Ben had asked her to keep what they’d done a secret. It was with both spite and desire to please Ben that she agreed it was best kept to herself.

Did this mean that she actually had a crush on Ben Solo, the worst possible boy she could have chosen as the object of her desire? It was a truly terrible idea, given that Poe would kill them both, likely at the same time. 

Maybe she just liked what they’d done, and he just happened to be extremely good at that. Even if it never happened again and didn’t mean a thing (which she was positively sure it didn’t), at least she now knew three things: 1) She was pretty, 2) She was good at kissing, and 3). She’d just had her first orgasm.

It was a miracle she could sleep at all. The only motivation to drift off was to hasten the arrival of the morning and another chance to see Ben again. Before closing her eyes, she smoothed her fingers over the soft fabric of her boxer shorts, which clung to her skin, still damp and warm.  

💋💋💋

A week passed without Ben making another appearance in their home, and Poe simply reported that practices were “brutal” that week with the big game coming up. It was torture–aside from the fact that she missed him and wanted to kiss him again–but primarily because Rey was unable to make herself come despite her best efforts.

She’d tried everything: the edge of her mattress, an old teddy bear, her sheets hastily crumpled into a ball. There was no way in hell she’d be able to acquire a sex toy, and her fingers were clumsy and ineffectual. They were nothing like Ben’s long, thick ones, which she imagined were more than capable of completing the task at hand.

Her mouth also craved something to kiss, and the back of her hand wasn’t cutting it either. She felt desperate and deranged, every object in the house a potential target for her abuse. The soft arm of the couch was a good contender, but she was never home alone for long enough and feared ruining it permanently, given her propensity for wetness. Instead, she eyed it with a lovesick expression whenever she passed it.

To her great relief, Ben returned that Friday night, and she nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw him and her brother lope up the stairs to Poe’s room from her vantage point on the living room couch. They must have snuck in the back door, where they usually left their gross, sweaty gym bags. Ben carried only his backpack, which probably contained a single outfit since he used all of Poe’s bath products anyway (and sometimes her conditioner, much to her annoyance).

The bad news was that Ben hadn’t noticed her and would likely stay in Poe’s room until they came out for more Hot Cheetos and Gatorade, which could be anywhere from ten o’clock to well past midnight. The good news was that he was obviously staying the night. Shara and Kes, Poe’s parents, whom she had yet to feel relaxed enough to refer to as “Mom and Dad,” had gone away for the weekend for their biennial flight reviews, part of maintaining their pilot’s licenses. Even though they had retired from the military, they both took freelance jobs working for various international shipping companies. 

They didn’t need the money, but they loved being in the air, and the extra money ensured they had a nice family vacation every year. Rey couldn’t complain, but she did miss having them around as much as when she and her dad used to come around back in the day. But she also didn’t mind because it was better than their attempts at becoming her replacement parents. They often offered heartfelt, well-intentioned, but irritating advice about her grief since they’d faced so much of it themselves. They gave her such long, pitying looks that made her feel the full depth of her orphan status. 

She often wondered if their more frequent absences since they’d all lost Rey’s dad had turned Poe into more of a little adult to compensate. Maybe all of it was why he was so protective of her–all that responsibility on his young shoulders to be the “man of the house” while they were away.

Not to mention, in the darkest of times, Rey had been so shut down just after her dad passed that she barely spoke to anyone except Poe. He’d slip gummy bears one by one under her locked bedroom door, wrapped up in small pieces of paper with funny little notes and drawings to make her laugh. It was always him who got her to eat, shower, or make sure she did her homework because he knew how to do it without making her feel judged. She’d always be grateful for that.

However, Rey wasn’t so sure he’d be as gracious if she found out she was hooking up with his best friend.

She felt bad for him, always feeling like he needed to be the one to take care of her, but she also knew deep down it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t ask for any of this, to lose her own family and to become such a burden on theirs. As much as she appreciated it, sometimes she wished they wouldn’t worry about her at all. Especially lately. She felt like she was finally figuring out what she wanted out of life, starting with her ill-advised pursuit of Kaz and her even worse-advised pursuit of Ben. That and, of course, doing better in school, falling in with her forever friend group, and joining the mechanic club. She needed to become someone other than the girl who’d lost her parents, an object of pity, that sad little kid frozen in amber.

Rey flipped off the episode of Love Island she’d barely been paying attention to, instead scrolling through Instagram and wincing at Rose and Kaydel’s flood of new boyfriend content. She’d spent the whole week nodding and pretending to care that Armie shared his gum with Rose daily and that Beau had already asked Kaydel to the Fall Formal even though it wasn’t until November. As her friends cooed and giggled over their new conquests, Rey had let her mind drift to the thoughts of the solid tree trunks of Ben’s legs and the softness of his lips. She probably had an equal chance of winning the lottery as she did going to the formal as Ben’s date. 

Her heartbeat started to thud with anxiety in the silence of the empty living room. She rose and crept up to her room, gingerly closing the door to strategically choose her evening wear in case she ran into him again. 

Who was she kidding? She would make sure she did.

Rifling through her drawers, she searched for the pair of silky black old-fashioned pajamas with pink piping that Poe’s grandmother had gotten her last Christmas. At the time, she had thought they were a little over the top just to wear to bed. But now it was quite nice to have something decent to parade around in now that she had a worthy audience. Much sexier than cartoon characters, at least. She donned them eagerly along with the same lacy black panties she’d worn to her blunder of an evening with Kaz and relished the feeling of the slippery fabrics on her bare, freshly shaved skin. 

Her mind swirled with both anticipation and guilt. Poe would be very upset with her and Ben if he ever found out what was happening between them. At the same time, Rey wasn’t a sad little kid who needed his protection anymore. She knew full well what she was getting into. Ben was a hot, popular jock who was probably just looking to have some fun. He had to know better than to lead her on because he was just as afraid of Poe’s wrath as she was. If anything, she’d have to be the one to convince him to continue any further.

She was a big girl, and he was a big boy. She was confident they could keep it professional. Besides, she was too pent up to hold herself back when he was so close. Maybe it could just be this one more time. Or a few more times. Until she figured out how to get off without him, of course. Or until Kaz saw the light and dumped that bozo, Bazine. Though judging by how Kaz’s hands had barely left Bazine’s back pockets the whole week, Rey doubted that it would be any time soon. Keeping things going with Ben was risky, but desperate times were afoot.

Perched patiently on her bed with the lights off, Rey listened carefully for the sound of her brother’s door opening. No voices followed the telltale squeak, and she hoped it meant Ben had emerged, preferably solo. As she tentatively poked her head out, she saw Ben’s large hand closing the bathroom door across the hall. Sensing her only chance, she leaped out of her room and knocked gently on the door. 

“Be out in a sec,” Ben called out, but she knocked again, this time more insistently.

“What the?” he asked until he cracked open the door and saw her.

“Oh. Hey, kid,” he smiled, seemingly pleased to see her. “I didn’t know you were home. I need a few more seconds.”

He closed the door in her expectant face, and she paced outside, wringing her hands, terrified of discovery by Poe. They had a bathroom downstairs she could use if she honestly had to. She’d say she forgot to brush her teeth if he called her out for lurking.

Just as she leaned against the door to quell her nervous movements, Ben opened it until she practically fell backward into his arms. 

“Hey, stand much?” he joked, his arms cradling her for a moment before helping her to stand on her own. She closed the door and whirled around, nothing but business on her mind.

“I can’t come,” she stated bluntly without acknowledging his rhetorical question.

“Uh-” he started, his face pained. It wasn’t enough to deter her.  

She reached her arms around his neck and attempted to pull him in for a kiss. She knew it was clumsy and desperate of her, but it was what it was.

“Hey, hey,” he muttered against her lips as he turned his head slightly to avoid her mouth. He disengaged her arms from around his neck and rose to full standing. “Take it easy, okay? Jesus.”

Oh no.

She’d clearly overestimated his reciprocal desire. Maybe what had happened between them was a fluke, or it really had been charity. Perhaps he’d gotten carried away because he was a horny teenage boy. Maybe he’d already confessed to Poe and would march her straight to the chopping block.

Hey, officer, this is the horny right here!

“Sorry, I’ve just– I need–” she stammered, almost near tears. How humiliating.

“Shh,” he held his finger over her lips and curled his other hand around her waist in a strikingly intimate gesture that nearly knocked her off her feet a second time. “I know what you need.” 

She stared up at him like he held all the solutions to all of her problems and not just the highly specific one for which she had just attacked him. 

“Leave your door open. I’ll come to you when he’s asleep, okay? Then we can, uh, talk,” he said unconvincingly. The hand that had silenced her was now wrapped around her face, his thumb stroking delicately across her cheek.

“Okay,” she nodded, her whole body tingling in anticipation of relief and how wanted he’d made her feel with such a simple gesture, alleviating all of her concerns instantly.

With a crooked grin, he nodded and chucked her gently on the underside of her chin. “Good. See you in a bit.”

She swallowed hard and nodded, speechless. Her panic had been for naught. Ben was clearly interested in continuing their risky little game, or at least it seemed so. He released her and urged her to leave with a hand on the small of her back. She refused to give another glance behind her. She feared she would only find him holding back laughter at having fooled her into thinking she had any chance in hell, or worse, instantly regretting the risk they were taking.

Either way, she wasn’t giving up yet. Ben Solo didn’t stand a chance. 

Chapter Text

With hope in her heart, Rey darted across the hall and left her door open just a crack before diving under the covers, her whole body on fire. She could tell she was embarrassingly wet between her legs without having to check. She’d just barely registered that he’d worn gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt, and he’d already taken off his socks. His hair was still damp from his post-practice shower, and he smelled like Poe’s two-in-one shampoo he kept in his gym bag.

It felt like a lifetime and also no time at all until her door slowly creaked open, revealing Ben’s large, shadowy form in her doorway before he shut it quietly behind him. 

“Rey-” he whispered loudly. “You still awake?”

She sat up in bed, realizing she’d been huddled beneath the covers, practically shaking with need. “Yes, come here,” she spoke in what she hoped was a sultry voice. 

Rey lifted the covers as Ben approached, and he seamlessly tucked himself into her dinky twin bed. She realized it was clearly too small for him as he clumsily shifted his big body around, necessitating that she back up until her ass was nearly spilling off the edge of the mattress. 

“C’mere,” he offered, snaking an arm beneath her neck and pulling her close by the waist until her leg was tucked between his. 

She squeaked when she felt his erection already forming against her hip.

“Sorry, I’m just really happy to see you,” he grinned, his expression goofy and lighthearted. 

“It’s okay,” she smiled tentatively, hoping the darkness concealed the trepidation on her face.

There was a boy in her bed. A Ben Solo, brother’s best friend-shaped boy. And his big, hard dick was taking up most of the space between them and crowding her every thought. 

“I know I shouldn’t be here, but I missed you,” he said sincerely, tipping her chin up with his index finger. 

“I missed you too,” she said sincerely. Ben had no idea.

“You understand why I can’t tell him, right? It’s not because I’m ashamed of you or anything. Any guy would be lucky to be with you. It’s just complicated, you know?”

She nodded, though she wasn’t sure if she should believe him. It sounded like something the smooth-talking Senior Class Sex God would say to get what he wanted.

Lucky for her, it was a risk she was willing to take. “I understand. Poe’s a good person, but this might push him over the edge of sanity.”

Ben laughed softly. “Yeah. He really cares about you, know? And I can see why.”

Rey wasn’t expecting to feel the tightness in her chest from his kind, borderline romantic words. It wasn’t what this was about, and it was dangerous territory. It’s not like they could do anything about it if they did fall for each other. Rey braced her hand on his chest and kissed the corner of his lips. “I really missed you,” she insisted, squirming a little in his arms until her hipbone pressed against his hard-on again.

“Shit,” he stammered. “Do you remember what I taught you?”

“Mmhmm,” she nodded shyly as his lips pressed to hers with heated urgency.

If there was one thing Ben had taught her other than how to kiss and have an orgasm, it was that horny teenage boys were quite easily distracted.

His grip tightened on her body, and their shared breaths quickened. His tongue slid into her mouth; before she knew it, they were practically tongue-wrestling. She writhed in his grasp, and his hand wandered down her back and over the swell of her ass until he cupped the entirety of it and squeezed. 

She whimpered into his mouth, but he was unrelenting, sliding his fingers up the hem of her shorts until a low chuckle rumbled in his chest. Things were moving quickly, but she had no intention of slowing them down. 

“Nice panties,” He grinned, his teeth glinting in the low light. 

Before she could respond, his tongue was in her mouth again, and her mind was reeling. Her nipples felt tight and constricted, and his fingers prodded and stroked just hard enough not to make her erupt into ticklish giggles, though she was close. The last thing she wanted was to seem like a silly little girl. He swept his hand down to her thigh and gripped her under the knee, hitching her leg over his hip until he could lift her completely, positioning her atop his body. 

Feeling disoriented, she went with the flow, hungry to continue their sloppy, open-mouthed kissing until he buried his face in her neck and gave it the same treatment, his hands cupping her ass until she felt delirious. 

Somehow, his erection had found its way to the center of his body and was strategically placed beneath her own. Without thinking, she started grinding against it. 

Once again, his fingers dug into her waist to still her. “Rey- wait. Wait,” he growled. 

“I’m sorry!” she breathed into his neck, trying to keep her voice down lest Poe hear them. Their walls were thin enough for her to have a vague understanding of most of the plots of their video games. They would be playing a much more dangerous game if they didn’t keep their voices down.

“Just slow down, okay? I’m gonna fucking come in my pants if you keep doing that.”

Rey was grateful her face was buried in his neck where he couldn’t see her eyes bulge and her cheeks turn crimson. It was silly that she was so scandalized, given his sweatpants-clad cock was pressed against her throbbing center, but the way he said it out loud made it real.

He helped her roll to the side, still cradling her in one arm. 

“Let’s just take a break, okay?” he offered. 

She hoped it was a good thing that he wasn't willing to share his orgasm with her. He’d kicked her out last time, too, not that it was necessarily something she was eager to rush into. The thought of sticky boy cum and what to do with it was a mystery to her beyond loudly whispered locker room gossip.

“Okay,” she nodded, welcoming his kiss so she didn’t have to say anything else that might embarrass her further. 

His hand smoothed over her bare forearm, stroking gently as they started to make out again, slow at first and then more heated, as it seemed to be the trend with them. His mouth was intoxicating, and the way his tongue moved against hers made her clench and throb with unfettered desire. 

It shouldn’t have been a shock when he reached up to palm her breast, his thumb softly swiping across her hardened nipple through the slippery fabric of her pajamas.

“Ah-” she mewled.

“This okay?” he asked, his breath heavy on her cheek. 

She bit her lip and nodded, unable to say anything, afraid she might break the spell and scare him off for good, even though she was becoming increasingly terrified herself. Both of what he might do and of how much she might like it.

“How about this?” he added, trailing his fingers down her chest and the waistband of her shorts.

“I–I–” she stuttered. 

“Shh. Let me make you feel good.”

She canted her hips into his touch and slung her leg back over his hip as he kissed her again, thick fingers pulling her waistband away from her hot skin. 

This time, as he slid his fingers downward, much to her chagrin, she squirmed and giggled uncontrollably.

He laughed softly in return. “Too much?”

“Sorry,” she replied, struggling to regain her voice while holding back her laughter in a desperate attempt to keep her volume down.

“Let’s try this,” he offered, scooping her upward again, centering her over his thigh, and sitting them up in one fluid motion. He made her feel so delicate and pliable, the way he just moved her body like a doll. 

She braced her hands on his shoulders and rearranged her knees on the mattress, carefully avoiding hitting him in his still-burgeoning erection. 

“That’s it,” he encouraged her, and she settled her aching core over his wide thigh, trying not to think about how easily her eager cunt would drench the light gray fabric. “You got it. Just do what feels good. Don’t worry about me,” he insisted as she moved her hips. 

He held her waist firm for the first few strokes, and then, as she started to close her eyes and lose herself in the burning-hot pleasure of it all, she felt his hands slide up under her top. 

Like her shirt was made of tissue paper, her buttons loosened and spread apart, slowly revealing her bare breasts to his hungry gaze. 

“Beautiful,” he whispered. “Don’t stop. Take what you need,” he continued to coach her as he gently cupped her breasts and alternately pressed and circled her nipples with featherlight strokes.

It was too much and not enough. Even as she felt untold pleasure, she felt like she had when she’d nearly debauched the living room couch. Having briefly ridden his hard-on, she knew there was something even better than a thick, muscled leg for her to seek release from. 

But she couldn’t.

Ben supported her lower back as she chased relief, his hand sliding from her chest to her waistband again. 

She briefly feared losing her focus to an extreme bout of tickle-induced giggling. But Ben was slow and gentle, simply dipping his index finger into the elastic to pull it away from her taut stomach. Between her wide-open shirt and this, she was practically naked. He could see everything.

She stilled, wondering if they were going too far. “Shh, don’t worry, I’m not gonna touch you. Yet.”

Fuck.

She kept moving, knowing she was close, and tried to ignore his careful study of her bared pussy. 

“Fuck, you shaved all of it?” His voice was reedy and strained.

It hadn’t been intentional, but once it became uneven, she kept going until she was as smooth as a dolphin.

Pretending to be more worldly than she was, she bit her lip and lowered her lashes, nodding her agreement.

“Jesus, Rey.” 

He kept her shorts open, staring at her exposed sex as she rode him. It was then that she found a new source of arousal that ratcheted her even closer to her elusive orgasm.

Ben looked positively stupefied, licking his lips and staring intently as she rode his thigh in earnest. 

Steady as she was with her arms wrapped around his neck, knees planted firmly on the mattress, allowing Ben to reach into his pants with his free hand and start stroking himself.

It took her even closer to the edge, watching him watch her as he touched his cock. Now, they were both experiencing intense pleasure, judging by the needy expression on his face and the way his lips parted, breaths coming faster and faster. 

Her eyes widened as he pulled himself out of his pants and stroked more earnestly, revealing the immense size she’d already felt multiple times. Still, she didn’t honestly believe it until she saw it at that very moment. Even in the low light, she could see it was darkened and glistening at the tip when his foreskin retracted in his palm. 

“You like what you see?” he panted, his hand moving faster and faster. “You gonna come? I wanna see your pussy when you come.”

“Mmmph,” she whined as his lustful words washed over her. 

He gripped her waistband in his fist instead of just pulling with the tip of his index finger, staring greedily at her bare cunt as he abused himself more roughly. 

It was intense and overwhelming and–

“Let me see you come,” he insisted, his voice ragged. 

“Oh fuck,” she whimpered, crimping her eyes against the onslaught of incendiary images as her orgasm pulsed white hot in her core and shot out through her limbs like a shockwave.

“Yes, yes. Fuck, Rey, I’m gonna come too. Oh fuck-oh shit,” he groaned as she rested her forehead on his shoulder briefly until he gently pushed her away.

He was close, she gathered, as he released her shorts from his iron grip and stared up at her, teeth bared as he fucked his own hand.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to do anything. Just sit still,” Ben ordered, his voice shaky. 

“What are you–” she started to ask and was promptly answered by the hot spurts of creamy fluid hitting her chest and stomach. 

He tried vainly pushing the fabric of her top out of the way but was already too overcome.

“I’m sorry-” he spat out with genuine contrition as his hand slowed and he surveyed the mess he’d made of her fancy pajamas. 

She should have again opted for Garfield and the Minions for all it mattered.

And still, it was the sexiest thing that had ever happened to her.

“It’s okay," she reassured him, sliding the debauched shirt off her shoulders and tossing it towards her hamper. “I’ll just get cleaned up.”

“No, wait," he insisted, tucking himself back in his sweatpants. He reached up and smeared the sticky fluid into Rey’s skin, over her nipples, and across her ribs, dipping his thumb into her belly button where it had gathered and spread it further downward. 

“This means you belong to me,” he whispered, almost as if he was convincing himself instead of simply informing her.

“Oh,” she replied, stunned, unable to stop herself from wondering if this was normal because none of her friends or magazine articles had ever mentioned anything of the sort. 

He kissed her then, pulling her tight against the soft cotton of his t-shirt, making her skin light up with sensation. His cum was already drying on her skin and his hands as he held her. She wished she could fall asleep with him like this, lightly stroking her back and running his clean fingers through her hair. 

To her great surprise, she felt a spark of neediness course through her once again, and without even thinking, she humped against his leg.

“You want more?” he asked hopefully after breaking their intense kiss. 

“We don’t have to,” she offered unconvincingly.

“No, it’s okay. Just switch legs because this one is falling asleep a little,” Ben laughed softly.

“Oh yeah, sure,” she laughed in return, rising up on her knees to straddle his other leg, averting her eyes from the dark pool she’d left behind. He didn’t seem to notice; if he did, he clearly didn’t mind.

“Go for it,” he offered, helping her move with his hands on her waist, and she let all of her inhibitions melt away. Who knows when she’d have another opportunity? This rampant escalation could spook him from ever wanting to be near her again. She wondered if her brother was asleep now or about to go on a hunting expedition to find his missing friend and find them like this–

It sent her upward even faster than before, the potential of being caught, the danger that necessitated she come as quickly as possible before it all fell apart.

“Damn, you’re so horny,” he remarked, more like he was impressed than making fun of her. It didn’t matter. She needed this. Needed relief from the need that only seemed compounded the more it was satisfied. 

She hugged his face to her chest as she rode his thigh, the gusset of her panties and pajama shorts a drenched, cold mess between her hot center and his solid, warm leg. 

“You're so wet; look at you,” he remarked, wrenching the center of her shorts and panties to the side, exposing her at a new angle. “Your pussy looks so good on me,” he smirked. 

She took in his words but maintained her focus, her fingers interlocked around his neck. His palms smoothed up her spine and over her shoulder blades until he slid them around to the front, caressing her breasts in a shiveringly good motion that made her see stars behind her eyelids.

“Oh, you like that,” he remarked, and she soon felt wet warmth enclosing her tight nipples one by one, leaving them to cool in the air. “I like these perfect little tits.”

His open mouth awaited her just as she needed to kiss him again. He lavished her neck, collarbones, and breasts again with his hot, wet tongue. 

His fingers dug into her waistband, more insistent this time, yanking them open as his eyes bore into the space between her panties and her supposed innocence. She froze momentarily, realizing they’d suddenly crossed a bridge. She was topless, exposed everywhere for the second time that night. What if he thought sex was on the table, too? Was she ready for that?

“It’s okay, I’m just looking. Don’t stop.”

She was so close yet so scared, but she kept going for fear of losing it all. He continued inspecting her, licking his lips, making her feel increasingly vulnerable and yet somehow wetter every second.

He started jerking off again, which was a relief because it likely meant he wouldn’t try to fuck her. It was all she needed to relax, and before she knew it, they were coming at the same time. He aimed his load into her panties, and she was too spent to question him as he pressed the soaked, ruined fabric against her tender mound.

She collapsed beside him on the bed, her muscles aching and her pelvis slightly sore from all the grinding. 

“Now we’ve both made a fucking mess of each other,” he declared with a satisfied smile, staring at the twin dark wet spots on his thighs.

“Oh god,” she lamented shamefully. However, she still had no regrets and covered her eyes to avoid staring too long at the irreversible damage she’d caused to his pants. How was he supposed to go back to Poe’s room like that?

He kissed her deeply and threaded his fingers through her hair before gripping and pulling it back just enough to smart. It felt good in a primal way, like he’d fully staked his claim on her. 

Marked her.

“Remember. Don’t tell anyone about this, okay?” Ben said, his voice regaining some semblance of control. 

“I promise,” she responded, still a little breathless and altogether delirious from all they’d just done.

“Good girl.”

With one quick kiss, he bounded out of her bed and quietly slipped out the door.

She lifted her pillow and smushed it against her face so she could let out a muffled screech.

When the house grew quiet for good, she snuck into Shara and Kes’s bathroom to take a long, hot shower, knowing full well she couldn’t be trusted if she and Ben crossed paths again. 

Rey vowed to talk to him the next chance they had before this spun any further out of control. But just for tonight, she luxuriated in the memory of his lips and hands on her body and slept more deeply than she had in years.

Chapter Text

Two more weeks passed by in a flurry with no sight of Ben, as their evil coach forced extra practices on the lacrosse team. They soon stood to face their greatest rival - Takodana East. Or West, maybe. Even though Poe’s sports calendar covered half the kitchen wall, Rey had forgotten the details. 

Anyway, it didn’t matter. Rey was pissed that it kept her from seeing Ben and getting her carnal needs met. Though she had started to figure out what to do with her hand and where to press and how much, she still preferred getting off with Ben directly beneath her with as little fabric as possible between them, looking at her like she hung the moon. 

Everything else was just maintenance.

Rey never cared much about going to Poe’s games anymore, like she was forced to when she was younger. She’d rolled her eyes when Shara and Kes cheered louder than the other parents, drawing too many stares. They’d painted their faces, color-coordinated their outfits, and made goofy, bedazzled signs. Deep down, Rey was only slightly jealous but mostly proud of her big brother because he genuinely deserved their fanaticism. They were not around this week, taking meetings for potential grants to start a non-profit to deliver food and supplies to vulnerable regions abroad. She had to commend their altruism and was also grateful for the reprieve from being smothered by their good intentions. 

Rey knew that once she found her thing, Shara and Kes would show up for her, too. After everything she’d been through, losing her mom, then her dad, it had taken her so long to crawl towards doing anything apart from treading water, trying to stay afloat. But now she was finally coming into her own and looking forward to enjoying high school again, putting herself out there more with friends and extracurricular activities. Putting herself out there had also, of course, blown up in her face with Kaz but was ultimately rewarding with Ben. That is, except for the fact that she couldn’t tell a damned soul about it.

Armie and Beau, Rose and Kaydel’s boyfriends, respectively, were junior varsity team members,  meaning they spent most of their time warming the bench. But you wouldn’t know from the way her formerly logical and sane friends were screaming their heads off, cheering for them. Rey felt an ache in her chest, watching Ben take laps around the field to warm up, unable to publicly reveal her claim to him. But she at least figured everyone around her was sufficiently distracted that no one would catch her staring directly at him like he was the last good nacho at the Superbowl party.

However, she wasn’t as smooth as she thought because Ben caught her eye after only a few minutes and smiled, bright as the sun, revealing his adorably crooked teeth and deep dimples. She averted her eyes, covering her face like the Marge Simpson meme, as if that would somehow render her instantly invisible. When she looked back up, he was already removing his gloves and nodding with an expectant look towards the bleachers. 

Meet me, he mouthed, and her heart started to thump faster and faster. The inherent risk of even being seen talking to him in such an intimate manner made her nervous as hell. She darted her eyes around the field. Blissfully, Poe was nowhere to be found. It had been a long, lonely, sexually frustrating two weeks. She had to go meet him.

“I’m just gonna run to the snack stand. Does anyone want anything?” Rey asked half-heartedly as Rose and Kaydel did a faux cheerleading routine spelling “S-E-X-Y, you know you’re my favorite guy!”

“I’m good!” Rose declared, her dark brown eyes sparkling beneath her perfectly winged eyeliner. 

“Me too,” Kay chimed in, her long blond hair mussed from jumping and down, cheeks rosy from the cool October air.

Attempting to tamp down her excitement and barely succeeding based on her friends’ quizzical expressions, Rey spun on her heels. She bounded down the bleacher stairs, the tinny metal resounding beneath her feet. When she finally descended the ramp on the opposite side, she peered around cautiously on the lookout for Ben or Poe before disappearing into the darkness below.

Under the high stack of tiered benches filled with hundreds of people, the bright fluorescent glow of the field was muted and dimmed. Despite the noise and the faint hot garbage smell, the musty, weed-strewn underbelly of the Johnson High Athletic Field felt like the safest shelter from potentially prying eyes. To her temporary relief, Rey couldn’t see anyone else lurking there. But after a few moments, she started to fret that Ben might have been pulled into a pre-game huddle or something and wouldn’t be coming at all.

Suddenly, she felt strong arms wrap around her, pulling her close against a slightly sweaty, muscled form. “I fucking missed you,” Ben growled, nuzzling into her neck before spinning her startled body around in his arms.

“I missed-” she started as his lips closed over hers, silencing her response. His hands were everywhere, rubbing her back, cupping her ass. Squeezing until she shrieked.

His amusement was palpable as he backed them into an even darker corner against the adjacent concrete building that housed the locker rooms. Her mind spun with all the things she wanted to say to him. How they might break the news to Poe, how badly she wanted to be his actual girlfriend, how good it would feel to scream his name in front of the whole school and make up cringe custom cheers with her friends. Finally, she could feel like she was normal and a part of everything that seemed to come so easily to everyone else. But most importantly, she’d be his. But she couldn’t exactly speak with his tongue firmly massaging hers, stealing her breath and whatever remained of her logical thought. 

Maybe they didn’t need words.

She didn’t hesitate to attempt to tuck her fingers into the soft, stretchy waistband of his uniform shorts. 

“Hey-oh whoa–” he stammered, finally extricating his lips from hers, raising his hands from her ass to her waist. “We can’t-um- not here.” he stumbled over his words, his eyebrows raised in shock. It was cute the way she could unnerve him so quickly. As intimidating as he was on paper, she was starting to appreciate her keen ability to affect him in such a profound way. 

“It’s okay,” she reassured him, smiling as her fingertips brushed against the top border of the wiry thatch of hair that led to his burgeoning erection. His eyes immediately darkened, and he shifted their hips apart to give her room to maneuver more deeply into his pants with her determined hand. 

“I just- I have to go in a minute so-” he replied unconvincingly, the strength in his voice wavering. However, it was clear from the way he was watching and biting his lower lip that he no longer intended to stop her, even at the risk of aggravating the famously belligerent Coach Snoke. She rose on her tiptoes to kiss him as her fingers wrapped around the warm, smooth skin of his shaft encased in a layer of soft, squishy foreskin. She’d seen it, briefly humped it, but never actually felt it. It made her draw in a sharp breath because of how nice and heavy it felt in her comparatively smaller palm.

“You’re a bad, bad girl, aren’t you?” he smiled against her lips before breathing hotly in her mouth and plunging his tongue between her lips. 

“Mmhmm,” she agreed, working her hand up and down, enjoying the easy glide of his foreskin, the way his breath hitched between needy kisses. 

“Lift your shirt up,” he rasped, fumbling with the hem of her thick, cozy sweatshirt to help her speed up the process. “Lemme see your cute little tits.”

He looked positively unmoored and like he had nowhere to be, even though she could hear the official cheerleading squad going through their typical opening routine. They didn’t have much time, and she knew she was being just a bit too greedy. She swiveled her head around to see if anyone had joined them. They seemed sufficiently ensconced in darkness, so no one would suspect her nudity as long as she stayed facing the wall. She helped him lift her shirt past her bra and let him rip the cups of her bra downward, exposing her already-hardened nipples. 

“Fuck, you’re so fuckin’ hot,” he declared inelegantly, reaching to clumsily caress one of her breasts without interfering with her increasingly speedier arm movements. Her forearm was sore from the odd angle, but she was hellbent on making him see stars. She wanted him to want her, to be proud of her. To make her his, for real. Maybe this would be it, the moment he would recognize how truly incredible she was and that they could stop being so silly and secretive. This might convince him to bite the bullet and come clean to her brother. 

“Fuck -I’m gonna come–” 

She smiled not so humbly, and he grabbed her hand in his, dwarfing it, to set an even faster pace. Ben reached for the waistband of her leggings and hooked a finger to pull it outward.

“Hold it. Hold it open. Fff–” 

He was going to mark her again, make her walk around for the rest of the game with his cum in her panties. Like she belonged to him. She could almost come from that thought alone, even though he’d barely touched her anywhere near her empty, needy center. 

“Do it, Ben,” her voice was high and reedy, almost unfamiliar as her own. She wanted this for him as much as she wanted to be the one to do it to him. “Come for me. Come on my pussy.”

His eyebrows shot up, his eyes locked with hers, and he groaned low and guttural like he wasn’t expecting it to feel so good. He hunched over and pressed his head into her shoulder as they worked together to stroke him to completion. Hot spurts of creamy fluid sprayed against her mound and hipbone, soaking quickly into the thin cotton of her underwear. 

She hoped and prayed the innocent people above them hadn’t heard anything as she let go of her waistband, and he released her hand from his iron grip. 

“You’re so-” he panted in her ear. She leaned into him, pressing her nose into his soft-stubbled cheek and kissing his uniformed shoulder. She relished the rapidly fleeting moment, waiting for a heartfelt promise to confess to Poe, maybe even an invitation to the Fall Formal–

A whistle screeched loud and clear as the crowd settled above them into a more quiet drone of constant chatter, the cheerleaders now finished with their heartfelt declarations and intense fighting words.

“Fuck. I gotta go. I’m sorry.” He grabbed her face in both hands and gave her a quick, hard, but woefully dry press of his lips before darting back into the floodlit arena. 

“Good luck!” she called out, still hopeful despite his sudden departure, her brain buzzing with the high of having been with him, of having made him come, of being “so–” whatever it was he seemed to appreciate about her. 

Rey fixed her bra and waistband just as another couple ducked into the darkness, faces crumpled in abject disappointment at the sight of her as if they owned the place. 

Couple goals.  

She smiled sheepishly, rushing past them and back into the night, flattening her hair, hoping the cold would explain her flushed face.  

Of course, the first person she saw was Poe.

Chapter Text

“Nothing good ever happens under those bleachers, Rey,” Poe scolded her, voice muffled by his lacrosse helmet. 

“What are you doing here? Don’t you have a big important game, like now?”

Poe rolled his eyes and shook his head. “He’s gonna put me in later. They call me The Finalizer for a reason, ya know? Anyway, Coach sent me to look for Ben. Have you seen him?”

She rolled her eyes right back. “No , I haven’t,” she lied so well she almost convinced herself. “And I’m sixteen, Poe. I’m allowed to be under the bleachers if I want. If I'm not mistaken, I’ve seen you come out of here once or twice.” 

Deflection. Well done, Niima.

Poe was notoriously secretive about his sex life, but she knew for a fact he and Finn, a junior EMT who planned on studying pre-med next year, had big, embarrassingly corny crushes on each other. She’d found an overly gushy, cringy love note in one of Poe’s hoodies that she’d borrowed without his permission once. Finn had also recently started wearing Poe’s well-worn, beloved leather jacket at school. 

What? It suits him! Poe had argued when Rey had confronted him. It was so obvious. They weren’t fooling anyone, especially not her. She could empathize, though he had nothing to be embarrassed about. No big annoying brother was holding him back from living his best life. 

Just himself.

Poe was so focused on school and the team and spending time with Ben that he never made time to genuinely date Finn. It made her a little sad that Poe was depriving himself of something that might make him happy, because he was so busy caring for everyone else.

All the more reason why she and Ben needed to fess up. Then, they could all be free. She hoped.

“We’re not talking about me, little sis. Emphasis on the little. Just stay outta there, alright? I got enough on my plate without worrying about you being defiled by some pimply junior or having a lit cigarette butt land on your head.”

As much as she loved him, she wanted to crush his head between her hands like a soda can. He was being so annoying!

“Then take me off of it!” she yelled, louder than she’d intended. She knew she wasn’t on any high horse, keeping such a big secret from him, but she was just so tired of his overprotective nonsense. She could take care of herself. 

Plus, she had Ben now. How much trouble could she really get into? The guy was his best friend, after all. If Poe trusted him, so could she, obviously. The thought soothed her, and her rage quickly subsided.

His shoulders dropped, and his voice lowered as he pushed his helmet up to his forehead so she could see that same tired, exasperated look he always gave her.  “I’m just trying to–”

That look and his softened resolve was usually her kryptonite, his way of showing her he cared and was doing his best, even if it drove her nuts. She’d always apologize and try to see it his way, but not this time. 

“Trying to what? Protect me? I don’t need protection from anyone or anything. Not anymore. Just let me live, okay?”

She could see that look in his eyes, where he saw right through her supposedly tough exterior. The one quickly unraveled by a kind word or a pat on the shoulder, followed by breaking down in his arms like the big baby she was. But she held fast to her righteous indignation. It was time for her to grow up and for Poe to let her. 

“Whatever you say, Rey,” he shrugged with defeat. She wasn’t sure if she’d won or if he was just distracted by the game and his search for Ben, fed up with her nonsense just like she was with his. “I gotta go. We can talk later.”

“Don’t you have to go to some super cool post-game party with all your chucklefuck lacrosse friends?”

She loved to tease him about being popular, but truthfully, she wanted nothing more than to be as cool as he was. As Ben’s girlfriend, she might even come close to being remotely cool if Poe didn’t crush her dreams first.

It was funny though, she mused to herself, that her need to be part of the in-crowd, and for someone like Kaz to like her had all become secondary to her desire to simply be with Ben without any secrets or shame. If she had him, all of him, then none of that mattered much anymore.

“Yeah, right,” Poe responded absentmindedly, craning his neck to see the field around the corner of the bleachers. “Are you going?” he asked with a bit too much interest, and she could tell it was because he didn’t want her to. Either because he wanted to spend the night in a corner canoodling with Finn and/or because he didn’t want to get stuck babysitting her and swiping mystery jungle juice out of her hot little hands every ten minutes. 

She’d only thrown up that one time when he’d finally let her tag along to a beach bonfire over the summer, and now he watched her like a hawk. He was such a party pooper. 

“I don’t know, probably not,” Rey sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. The last thing she wanted was to be mother-henned by Poe while watching her friends get a fresh set of hickies, staring longingly at her untouchable love interest across a red-solo cup-covered coffee table all night. She’d be too scared to talk to him, worried about seeing anyone else flirt with him and not being able to do a damn thing about it. If she couldn’t hug or kiss him, it was better not to be around him at all.

She shifted on her feet, feeling the telltale suction of her cum-soaked underwear pull against her sensitive, freshly groomed skin. Even though she hadn’t seen Ben for two weeks, she’d stayed vigilant about her grooming routine, learning the simultaneous wonders and terrors of exfoliation and at-home waxing.

If she grimaced too obviously, Poe didn’t seem to notice. “Cool. I’ll be home around midnight. If you’re asleep, we can talk tomorrow. Vinny’s Bagels sound good?”

“Yeah,” she smiled despite her continued annoyance. He knew the way to her heart was a bacon egg, and cheese on a Kaiser roll and an Everything bagel with scallion cream cheese. 

“That’s my girl,” he ruffled her hair with his thick lacrosse glove as she groaned and swatted him away. 

He jogged toward the field before she could kick his shin in retaliation. She paced slowly behind him, watching him reunite with Ben on the sidelines, waiting for their turns to shine on the field. 

When Rey ascended the bleachers and returned to her friends, Armie and Beau were finally on the field, though they were getting their asses handed to them. She joined her friends in jumping up and down and clapping, practicing for when she’d finally be able to do the same for Ben. She felt emboldened by finally asserting herself with her brother so soon after that heated encounter under the bleachers. 

She felt like a boss-ass bitch. 

Mostly.

“Since when are you so invested in lacrosse?” Rose asked her when they all plopped down on the icy cold metal bench. 

“Poe won’t shut up about it. Guess I wanted to see what all the fuss was,” she lied. “And who are you to talk? You never showed up to a game until you wanted to see Armie strut around in his uniform.” She was getting really good at this whole deflection thing.

“Valid,” Rose chuckled heartily. “Those long pale legs in those little shorts make me positively feral. Go Armie! MURDER THEM!” she screamed aggressively in the direction of the field, making Rey jump a little.

Rose was a sweet, unassuming girl most of the time, but no one ever dared cross her or get on her bad side. She carried a Taser and wasn’t afraid to use it, and she was Rey’s best friend in the whole world. Kaydel was Rose’s best friend just because Rose was the type of person everyone naturally gravitated to. But Rey and Kaydel still got along well enough and sometimes even hung out when Rose wasn’t there. Okay, maybe only once, but it was nice enough.

Seeing her friends so happy had been a source of constant jealousy and FOMO these past few weeks of school, but now she could relate to what they were going through. Falling for someone was all-consuming, taking over your whole being and stealing all of your common sense. She understood now and didn’t fault her girlfriends for getting so caught up in it. She also couldn’t wait to join them for real.

“So,” Kaydel said in a hushed, conspiratorial half-whisper, half-giggle, even though no one was sitting close enough to hear their conversation. “I heard a rumor that Ben Solo is bringing Zorii Bliss to the Fall Formal. Can you believe that? His best friend’s ex-girlfriend?”

Rey furrowed her brow. She’d assumed that everyone knew that Poe had only dated Zorii to see if he liked girls more than boys. As it turned out, he was more eighty-twenty in favor of boys (specifically Dopheld Mitaka at the time), and they’d broken up amicably. In fact, she and Poe ate lunch together in the cafeteria all the time. This was not remotely juicy gossip. “So?” Rey interjected, still absorbing the part where Ben planned to ask someone else to the dance instead of her.

“I don’t know, it’s so weird, right?” Rose agreed, taking Kaydel’s side. “There’s just some lines you don’t cross.”

Rey swallowed thickly, recognizing her own culpability in that statement. “I really doubt Poe would care,” Rey confirmed, hoping they’d drop it. “But why would Ben go with Zorii at all?”

Kaydel shrugged. “I mean, we already know she puts out. And you know how Ben is.”

“Senior Class Sex God,” Rose rolled her eyes as she recited his bathroom wall honorific. “I don’t know if I really buy it. Armie says he doesn’t talk about girls at all, and he’s always at your house,” she turned her attention back to Rey. Then, her friend’s face lit up like she’d discovered a cure for cancer or something. “Oh my god, are Poe and Ben–”

Rose raised her eyebrows, implying the question without actually asking it.

Rey scoffed. Ben was definitely not Poe’s type, as she’d heard him joke many times that Ben was more in love with him and to stop trying to look at his dick all the time. Ben would pretend to pine for him, making kissy faces, and they’d punch each other in the arms, but never anything that seemed to indicate that they were secretly in love.

Besides, she was positive that Poe was currently in love with Finn. It wasn’t entirely outside the realm of possibility that Ben might be some flavor of queer, of course, she never assumed anyone was straight by default. 

She almost wanted to laugh at the thought of competing with Poe for a boy. But based on the past few weeks, she knew without a doubt that she was steadily in the lead if he was ever a contender.

Plus, Poe wasn’t exactly great at keeping secrets from her. She knew way more than she ever wanted to know about his exploits until recently, making it all the more curious as to why he was so tight-lipped about Finn, someone he clearly wanted to be with. It would be so easy for Rey to spill the beans about her brother’s true love interest to quell the gossip, but he was clearly afraid for it to be known, and she couldn’t bear to betray him further than she already had.

No, Ben and Poe were definitely not a thing; truly, that was the least of her worries. She scanned the stands around her for any sign of either Finn or Zorii to ease her mind and find crystal-clear proof that things were precisely as they should be. To her disappointment, neither was in sight at the current moment.

“They’re best friends, that’s all,” Rey stated matter-of-factly. “Are you guys more concerned about Ben dating Poe’s ex or Poe himself?”

“Chill, Rey, we’re just speculating. It’s fun!” Kaydel insisted dramatically. “Plus, I thought you’d have all the insider details.” Her friend seemed to think Rey had some sort of TMZ-esque pulse on the senior class because of her proximity to two of its most popular members.  

“Well, I don’t, and he’s my brother, and I would rather not think too much about his love life, so maybe don’t speculate,” Rey huffed sarcastically. But she was really more upset about them speculating about her would-be boyfriend.

She couldn’t wait for her and Ben to come out with it already. This was pure torture, being unable to tell the truth, having people believe that it was more realistic that Ben would date her brother or Poe's ex instead of her. 

Rose looked chastened, a rarity for her. Kaydel pretended to be super interested in the zipper of her puffy vest all of a sudden. “Consider the conversation over, then,” Kaydel blew out a breath as her eyes bulged with discomfort. At least they knew they’d touched a nerve and were backing down. She could forgive them quickly. She was sure of it. But she couldn’t deny the pesky feelings, primarily intense jealousy, bubbling up.

“Anyway, what kind of limo should we get for the Fall Formal?” Rose asked cheerfully.

It was then Rey tuned out of the conversation. The last thing she wanted to talk about was a  dance for which she had zero date prospects for the time being. She had never considered that Ben might be into Zorii like that, primarily because of guy code, just like Rose had implied. But then again, he was having a secret affair with his best friend’s sister.

What if Ben was playing her, too?

She pressed her thighs together and sandwiched her icy hands between them to warm them up. Her eyes wandered down to the field just as Poe The Finalizer Dameron and Ben Sex God Solo jogged into their positions. What she wouldn’t give for the radiant heat of Ben’s Hot Pocket torso right now. 

Maybe that’s all she had to look forward to for the time being. When Ben would eventually stumble into her room later that night, his breath laced with mint toothpaste and some sinister combination of an orange-tinged powdered drink mix, vodka and/or Malibu rum.  

This time, though, she’d force him to talk to her before his pink, pillowy lips dismantled her resolve. She had to, or this endless speculation and gossip would be her undoing.

Rey stood and said lukewarm goodbyes to her friends, who gave her cheerful smiles laden with apparent remorse. She loved them not just despite their shortcomings but because of them. It wasn’t like she wasn’t perfect either, sneaking around and potentially setting up her brother for a coronary. And they’d absolutely be upset that she’d hidden such a massive personal development from them.

Rey couldn’t wait to get this part over with. She knew that when this was all over, they could all go right back to having fun and being carefree, none of this weird separation because she was single and they weren’t. Maybe she could support Poe in getting what he wanted, too. Fix this little secret-induced rift between them that didn’t feel very good, no matter how irritating he was sometimes. Then, her besties could have all the hot off-the-presses tabloid-worthy gossip they wanted. 

When Rey glanced back at the field, Ben was deeply involved in maneuvering the ball with his stick-net thingy. Poe was screaming incoherently with a mix of excitement and fury to spur him on. She descended the bleachers, hugging herself against the wind that had suddenly picked up. She took one last wistful look at Ben’s helmeted head, the gorgeous hair curling out of the back, and his incredible body, yearning to feel it under her hands as soon as humanly possible. Make everything better.

She marched towards the darkened parking lot towards their parents’ second car that she and Poe often fought for custody of. Poe would be getting a ride from their teammate’s dad, who often shuttled their drunk asses so they wouldn’t get into trouble, so the car was hers for the night.

“Rey!” A friendly yet painfully familiar voice stopped her in her tracks, and she grimaced to herself before turning around slowly and reluctantly to face him.

“Hey, Snap,” Rey responded, turning towards him. “I’m actually heading out so-” she gestured towards the parking lot with her thumb before curling her arms back around herself to ward off the chill.

Snap’s hands were buried in his pockets, and he nervously bounced on the soles of his feet. “It’ll be quick. I’ve been meaning to ask you something for a while, and I just haven’t had a chance-”

Oh no.

Ice flowed through her veins, and not because of the cold. Since the dreaded spin-the-bottle incident, she’d tried her best to be nice (but not too nice) to Snap. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel bad about himself because she’d run away from potentially kissing him. He was cute enough, of course, just not for her.

He wasn’t Ben.

“Snap, I’m pretty cold. I’m just gonna-” She pulled out the single car key she’d stashed in her boot. The house key was always under a fake rock in the front garden so she could travel light. Plus, she’d already lost it too many times, and now Poe was making her pay for replacements.

“Would you maybe wanna–will you go to the Fall Formal with me?” he said, clearly not picking up on the vibe (nor the absence of one).

“I-”

His face looked very ‘my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me’,  and she couldn’t bear to hurt his feelings. Not when she felt so fragile in light of the whole Zorii thing.

“I’ll think about it, okay? I really have to get home.”

Snap seemed more than pleased by her halfhearted offer to consider. “Great! Cool. No pressure,” he rambled as she immediately nodded and shuffled off into the night in her half-size-too-big, off-brand Ugg boots.

She took a few bracing breaths of fresh, cool air before unlocking the car and sitting in the driver’s seat. Bouncing her legs to warm up, she turned up the dial for the heater and locked the doors, leaning her head against the headrest before closing her eyes.

It would be cruel to lead Snap on, knowing she would do anything to get Ben to take her to the dance instead. Maybe the potential competition would at least force Ben’s hand, though.  

She hated that it wasn’t easier for him to just be with her. That she might have to concoct some silly farce about considering another date other than him. That she might have to accept that he didn’t want to go with her at all. That notion hurt the most.

But they’d practically just had sex under the bleachers at significant personal risk. He was into her–like really into her–so she hoped that all these worries would soon be relieved, preferably naked.

There was no doubt in her mind that Ben would be the one to take her virginity, preferably after the Formal. But not like this. Not in secret. Things had to get better and fast. They only had a month left to pick coordinating colors and order a limo, not to mention the plethora of other things she’d vaguely overheard Rose insisting were “incredibly necessary” to have the most memorable night of their lives to date (until prom at least).

As Rey rolled their clunky car out of the parking lot and into the streets that would lead her straight home, her mental checklist was populated with thoughts of get intel on Zorri from Poe, mention the dance casually but not too casually to Ben, go dress shopping, ask him what his true feelings are and where this is going before he puts his big meaty thigh in between yours.

When she got home, she immediately took a shower, the water reinstating the slipperiness of the spend that had already dried beneath her abdomen. As the sudsy water swirled down the drain along with it, she felt his absence acutely, counting down every minute until Ben came home to her. 

Chapter Text

Poe came home as soon as Rey stepped out of her bedroom, already showered and clad in her tried and true Garfield t-shirt and Minions boxers outfit. She’d chosen it mainly because she wanted to be comfortable in addition to hoping it would summon Ben to her room later like a magic talisman. 

Ben wasn’t with him, which was deeply disappointing, but if Poe still wanted to have some big sibling heart-to-heart with her, it was probably for the best. She tried to drum up some courage to tell Poe her big secret before he jetted off to the post-game party for the night. Or, at the very least, test the waters and see how receptive he might be to her dating his best friend.

Poe rushed past her up the stairs, reeking heavily of sweat and Old Spice deodorant that was barely hanging on. With a pang of guilt, she suddenly realized that she hadn’t even stuck around to see if they’d won the game.

“Hey, kiddo,” Poe smiled before immediately darting into the bathroom and slamming the door.

"I thought you wouldn't be home til midnight!" she shouted. Preferably with Ben.

"I didn't smell myself until we were in the car!" he shouted. Moments later, the shower was on full blast.

Rey went downstairs to wait for him, anticipating having the talk he’d suggested when they’d spoken earlier. She mentally rehearsed what she wanted to say, something equally assertive as what she’d already told him at the field but a little more heartfelt and less angry this time. This was new for them, saying the quiet things out loud, talking about their feelings with each other. Maybe they were both growing up. She hoped he was at least starting to see as more of a peer, rather than a kid he had to boss around.

When Poe bounded down the stairs, his dark wavy hair was still damp, and he brought with him a slightly overpowering cloud of the Burberry cologne she’d saved up to buy for him last Christmas. He smiled sheepishly at her like he knew he’d been too harsh earlier. Regardless, she folded her arms over her chest and muted the TV she’d barely been paying attention to. 

He sat beside her on the couch and folded his hands, leaning his forearms on his knees. “I’m sorry I was so hard on you earlier. I just want you to be safe. High school guys ain’t shit, Rey.”

“You’re a high school guy, Poe,” she replied sardonically. 

“You know what I mean, Rey. Look, I know a lot of them, okay? You wouldn’t believe the things that come out of their mouths. The thought of any of them saying that stuff about my baby sister–” he trailed off as if picturing the horrors.

Ben would never. In fact, he was probably more tight-lipped than she could ever hope to be, the urge to spill the beans growing increasingly stronger each moment.

“I know, Poe. I’m not naive,” she agreed, leaning forward. “But trust me, I can take care of myself. I’m not a damsel in distress, and I don’t need rescuing.”

Ben has always been more in danger of me seducing him, truthfully.

“I think I’m starting to accept that,” Poe mused. “You’ve always been the little Freckle Face who used to hang around when we were little. Sometimes, that’s still what I see even though you’re sixteen. I just feel very protective of you. Like it’s on me if something happens, you know?”

Rey felt her eyes well up unexpectedly. It was both touching and frustrating to still be seen as some younger version of herself. But she understood where he was coming from. “It’s not on you, though. It’s not like you can prevent anything bad from ever happening to me. I have to be able to make my own choices and make my own mistakes. That’s part of life.”

And she really hoped she wasn’t making a big mistake with Ben.

“I know, I know,” he agreed with a wistful smile. As if he’d read her mind he added, “Could you maybe not make any of those mistakes at my lacrosse games? It kinda threw me off a little.”

“I’m sorry,” she replied, wondering how much more thrown off he would have been if he’d actually caught her and Ben together. “How did it go?”

“You didn’t see?” he asked in disbelief. “We fucking destroyed those dorks. We’re going to the state championship!” Poe declared, becoming more animated and jovial. “Best night of my life, and it’s just getting started!”

“That’s amazing,” she smiled, his excitement contagious. “Then what are you waiting for?” She pushed his shoulder gently. “Go celebrate with your fellow jocks.”

“You’re sure you don’t wanna come?” he asked, taking in her outfit with a quirked eyebrow. 

“You know you don’t want me to come, so I don’t know why you’re even asking,” she laughed, giving him a gentle punch to his bicep. “Go have fun with your secret lover, Finn.” She winked.

“Oh, uh.” He looked genuinely scared like he’d been caught stealing her mousse again, though he used it much more than she did. And she could definitely smell it through the cloud of cologne. She made a mental note to get him more for his birthday.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him warmly. “I don’t know why you feel like you have to hide it from me, weirdo.”

It felt good to have one less secret between them finally.

Poe’s face darkened in a way that instantly made her feel worried, however. “Actually, I do, and it’s not what you think,” he replied. “Please promise me you won’t say anything to your friends or anyone else, okay?”

Rey sat up straighter, intrigued. She hoped it wasn’t anything too tragic and that he’d finally open up to her about what he was going through, and she could feel brave enough to do the same. “Why, what’s going on?”

“So, it turns out that Finn’s dad and our dad kind of hate each other. It was old beef from one of their earliest deployments for the Air Force. His dad blamed ours for his buddy getting killed in action, even though it wasn’t Dad’s fault. It’s just a stupid misunderstanding about a tragic accident. There’s nothing they could have done to prevent it. IEDs were everywhere in those days, you know?”

Poe got a faraway look, and she knew he was counting the blessings his parents had come home unscathed. She was grateful, too, or she would truly have been alone in this world after her parents passed.

“Wow, star-crossed lovers,” Rey replied. “That’s heavy, though.”

“Yeah, I wish it didn’t matter, but this kind of stuff stays with people forever. I talked to Dad about it, and he agreed we should keep it hush-hush until I knew things with Finn were serious enough to risk causing an uproar. And it doesn’t mean we can’t date regardless, but Finn’s under so much pressure with his grades and trying to get into college that I just didn’t want to add to his stress. His dad’s already pissed he doesn’t want to enlist instead of going to a pricy Ivy League School. It’s just terrible timing right now.”

“Yeah, that’s a lot to manage. But, I mean, how would his dad even find out?”

“Rey, I’m not exactly a fly on the wall at school. If a single person finds out I’m dating him, it won’t be long before the whole school knows, and it gets back to his parents. I just don’t want to risk it. I like him so much.” Poe had a dreamy look on his face, and Rey could tell it was a big deal to him. “It won’t be forever. Once he gets his acceptance, we can spend more time figuring out what to do about it because I’ve known for a while now that he’s definitely worth causing an uproar for.”

Rey felt empathy for Poe, having to be with someone without being able to scream from the rooftops they belonged to you, along with the pressure of family expectations keeping you apart. She wanted to blurt out her own truth as a way to relate to him, but then she’d just be adding to Poe’s stress. 

Maybe now wasn’t the time to make everything about her, she reasoned, even if she was also just being a total coward. 

“Thank you for telling me. I promise I won’t say anything to anyone. As long as you let me be maid of honor at your wedding.”

“Chill, sister,” he chuckled. “There are a lot of steps from here to the altar.”

“So you’ve thought about it,” she grinned. 

“Maybe a little,” He shrugged with a sly grin. “I mean, he is gonna be a doctor. I just feel really lucky that he wants to be with me, in spite of everything with our dads. He could have bailed a while ago, and he didn’t.”

“He’s just as lucky to have you.” She reached over and squeezed his forearm gently. “And so am I.”

“You mean that? Even though I annoy the fuck out of you and oppress you with my intense brotherly love?”

“Unfortunately, yes, I do,” she laughed. 

Poe gave her a sweet smile and stood. “I gotta go. Ben needs a ride because his dad flaked on him yet again. You good for me to take the car?”

“Yeah, just make good choices,” she insisted, though it wasn’t necessary. Poe wasn’t much of a drinker. He was usually the one holding everyone else’s hair, and he was the designated driver nine times out of ten. 

He nodded, eyes sparkling as he headed out. She wondered if she looked that happy when she thought about Ben. And vice versa. “Lock the door behind me, and don’t forget to turn the lights off before you go to sleep.”

“Yes, Mom,” she rolled her eyes. “Go have fun with your forbidden Romeo.” 

Poe was gone in a flash like he couldn’t wait for one second longer to get to Finn. She knew the feeling. 

Reflecting on her conversation, she realized that Poe had no issue keeping things a secret to make his boyfriend happy. It wasn’t torture like it was for her. But Finn at least had a good reason for not wanting anyone to find out about their relationship. 

What was Ben’s? Why was he so damned insistent that she not tell anyone? As far as she knew, his parents had no long-standing grudge with hers. They hadn’t even met at a school event. Ben’s parents were conspicuously absent from his games, the Science Fair, and the end-of-the-year awards ceremonies. She’d noticed because the Damerons always cheered twice as loud for him because of it. 

So that couldn’t be it. Was it her? Was she not worth causing an uproar for?

She knew it wasn’t productive to be so doom and gloom about the state of things between them. It hadn’t even been going on that long, but they’d been so busy feeling each other up that they hadn’t stopped to talk about where this was going.

Ben liked her a lot, as far as she could tell, and the feeling was obviously mutual. She couldn’t help but wonder how awful it would be if Poe did find out. Would he be thrilled? Of course not. But her brother wasn’t totally unreasonable. Their conversation this evening made her feel more hopeful that Poe discovering that they were secretly dating (is that what they were doing?) might not be the end of the world after all.

Her guilt and fear started to slowly be replaced by a fragile hope. The only question was whether Ben would agree. She couldn’t wait for the party to end and hoped Ben would come home with Poe so they could finally talk. Just talk. 

Okay, yeah, and maybe some other things. She was only human. 

Until then, Rey gathered her favorite snacks and flipped on the TV, bracing herself for what was to come.

Chapter Text

After such an emotionally taxing day, Rey fought valiantly against the inevitability of falling asleep, scrolling through Poe’s conspicuously Finn-free TikToks. They heavily featured various members of the lacrosse team singing their fight song. Ben attempting and failing at more than one ill-advised keg stand because he was too damned big. Zorii repeatedly beating Beau’s ass at beer pong until he finally passed out in a corner. 

Kaydel and Rose were glued to their boyfriends in the background of some of the videos, of course.  Kaydel mostly fended off anyone with a Sharpie trying to draw a penis on Beau’s forehead (including Poe). Rose repeatedly goaded Armie into slow dancing, no matter the song. Rey couldn’t help but wonder if they were also sizing up Poe, Ben, and Zorii regarding their Fall Formal conspiracy theories. 

Rey’s heart ached with FOMO. Maybe she should have gone, even if it would be hard to avoid Ben and disguise her true feelings in front of everyone. Perhaps it would have sped things along if he had been forced to interact with her in front of so many witnesses. She bet her friends would see right through them and end this misery on her behalf before Ben even had time to blink.

But there would be other chances to be with him in public, where she wouldn’t have to play pretend like her poor brother was now. Rey hoped for Poe’s sake there was a free bedroom or a roomy closet somewhere for them to hide in, and that’s where she stopped her train of thought because the rest was way TMI.

It was getting late, and she couldn’t stop yawning. Poe and Ben must have crashed elsewhere. Just as she was about to give up on a fruitless masturbation session to help herself wind down, she heard the boys stumble up the stairs, laughing and arguing, probably trying to punch each other in the nuts. 

Rey smiled broadly, clinging to her sheets, listening for their voices to die down and for Ben to finally slip out and come see her. She must have actually fallen asleep because it wasn’t until an hour later that Ben appeared at her bedside with a finger pressed to her lips, urging her to stay quiet. Her pounding heart quickly woke her up, and her eyes darted toward the door he’d thankfully had the wherewithal to close. 

“I know I shouldn’t be here, but I can’t stay away from you.”

His words were both heartening and confusing. Did he still think they shouldn’t be together? Despite her relief at seeing him, she hadn’t abandoned her resolve to get clarity on their secret situationship.

“Ben, we need to talk.”

Snap asked me to the Formal.

I’m so tired of secrets.

Please just be with me.

Ben sat on the bed beside her, his back leaning against the headboard, as he pulled her into his lap. “Then let’s talk,” he smiled, pulling her in for a kiss. He bucked his hips upwards in invitation as he stroked his fingers up her back before weaving them into her sleep-tousled hair. His breath smelled like fresh toothpaste with a slight undertone of vodka. 

He was wearing slippery basketball shorts, and it was almost cruel how easy it was for her barely clothed sex to slot against his already burgeoning erection like a perfect puzzle piece. 

She pulled her lips away from his with a soft smack. Ben’s eyes were half-hooded, and he was smirking like a goofball. “Are you still drunk?” she accused him.

“Not anymore, I don’t think,” he insisted, pawing at her waist to spur her to move. “I mean, we won, so I celebrated a little bit. Not that you saw, but I forgive you already,” he laughed.

She felt increasingly frustrated, even when she accepted his greedy mouth on hers again, let herself rock her hips against him, heat pooling in her core, that needy, unscratchable itch building and building.

He groaned quietly and let him work her hips back and forth, sliding his hands up her shirt, stretching out the faded image of Garfield. This felt so easy and natural now that they’d gotten used to each other’s bodies. She suddenly wondered if she could be good at sex, too.

Then, she recalled her fantasy of losing her virginity to him after the Fall Formal. After going to the dance as his real girlfriend, naturally. How much she wanted all of him. Not just these secret trysts, no matter how fucking good it felt to connect her body to his. 

Yet it felt too fucking good to stop. Maybe now wasn’t a good time to talk, anyway. It was late. He was a little drunk, and with her earlier self-love session, she was already feeling close. 

She wanted to grind down on him, pull her boxers to the side, and drench the shiny gray fabric of his shorts.  Even more, she wanted to take away everything that separated them, not just the fabric on their bodies.

“Fuck, Rey,” He groaned like a big, beleaguered bear. “I wanna fuck you so bad. But I know we can’t.” 

She paused, feeling like a bucket of cold water had been splashed on her despite the genuine yearning in his voice. 

No! He can’t keep getting away with this! 

He kept saying he shouldn’t or they couldn’t, but never why. Would he be content to dry (well, mostly dry) hump each other in secret forever? All because he didn’t want to upset her stupid brother? 

He could bring her so high only to drop her so low. Her frustration overwhelmed her. She didn't know how long she could continue denying her feelings for Ben in front of everyone close to her, pretending she wasn’t falling far too fast for someone who wouldn’t even claim her in public but had no problem doing it with his cum every chance he got. Where was this really going? 

“Can’t or won’t?” she asked, her indignation rising. 

She could tell she’d gotten his attention then, his hands sliding out from under her shirt as his brow furrowed deeply. “It’s not that simple, I told you.”

“Sure it is,” she tried to sound lighthearted even though part of her wanted to scream. “I want you, and you want me. We can figure this out. But we can’t keep going on like this. It’s so hard.”

Ben shook his head and averted his eyes. “Listen, I know it’s hard. But Rey, you don’t understand–” 

It was clear he was starting to panic, but she figured now wasn’t the time to go easy on him. Not when he was continuing to put her in this terrible position. She hated the thought of making him jealous, but she was all out of ammo.

“You know, this guy, Snap, asked me to the dance. Since I don’t seem to have any other options, I didn’t say no.”

“What?” Ben recoiled, sitting up and nearly dumping her off his lap. “You can’t go with that guy. You’re not going with any guy.”

“Excuse me?” Who did he think he was telling her what to do? “First of all, you’re not in charge of me,” she sneered. “And it’s not like you’re gonna take me, so what choice do I have?”

“You’re unbelievable,” he grumbled, his hands tentatively hovering above her hips like he wasn’t sure if he should touch her anymore. 

“I'm unbelievable?”

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He was supposed to ask her to the Formal. To be his girlfriend. This was supposed to be the night they started to figure things out together. Now, she could only feel them spinning further and further apart.

She crossed her arms over her chest and couldn’t help but notice that he was no longer hard beneath her. “I didn’t say yes, just that I’d think about it. Plus, I heard you’re taking Zorii of all people, so you’re one to talk.”

“Well, don’t think about it,” he glowered. His nostrils flared, his mouth worked into a tight line, and his hands were now at his sides in fists.  “And I’m not going with Zorii. She’s just gonna be with our group. As friends. ”

She felt tears well up, her voice growing thin and squeaky. Despite her relief that Ben wasn’t technically two-timing her, it still pissed her off that Zorii would get to be there with him and not her. 

It wasn’t fucking fair.

“Am I supposed to go alone to the dance then because you’re what, terrified of your own best friend? At least Snap isn’t embarrassed to be seen with me.” 

Neither of them were yelling, but they weren’t quite whispering either. Maybe she should. Make Poe come running in here to see the truth. Only she wasn’t ready to blow everything up just yet. Ben still had a chance to make things right.

“Oh, come on, I’m not embarrassed by you. Don’t be ridiculous.” He didn’t sound very convinced by his own statement, however. “It’s just that I’m-”

She could tell he had trouble finding the right words. He was always so cocky and confident it was hard to see him struggle this way. Maybe it was because he was trying to let her down easy. After all, she was just his friend’s kid sister, who he’d led on for far too long. Now she was expecting too much, had read more into it than he’d intended. This was where he finally put her out of her misery.

But she refused to cry, honing her frustration into a fine point of anger. If Ben really didn’t want to be with her, then he needed to say it to her face. She wasn’t letting him off the hook that easily. Not after everything they’d done. After everything he’d made her feel.

“You’re what? A fucking coward? What are you so afraid of, Ben? My big, bad brother? That’s what’s ridiculous.” 

Ben’s face crumpled into an expression that made her immediately regret her harsh words. But he was already shifting away from her.

“You wouldn’t understand, okay?” “he grumbled. “Just let it go, Rey.” 

“Then help me understand!” she whispered harshly, her voice still on the verge of tears. “Because I can’t do this anymore, Ben. I’m just so tired of sneaking around. I need more–”

Ben shook his head, his expression grim. “Need more what, Rey? Attention? I’m sorry if this isn’t enough for you, but it’s all I can offer right now,” he scowled. “If all you care about is this stupid dance, then go with whoever the hell you want.”

Rey stared at him in shock, hurt by his callousness. Is that what he really thought of her? And what, his way was better, keeping things hidden, using her, and then discarding her before anyone could see what was really going on?

He looked slightly chagrined, like he knew he’d gone too far, but he started to move quickly, tilting her off his lap until she slumped onto the bed beside him. “I’m gonna go. I’ve had to make up elaborate lies to your brother about why I’m in the bathroom for so long, and he’s starting to send me all these stupid fucking WebMD articles about IBS to fuck with me. Goodnight, Rey.”

Rey watched open-mouthed as he stormed out without even looking back at her. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks. 

If that’s how he was gonna act, then so be it. She wiped the tears away with the heel of her hand and vowed to accept Snap’s invitation to the dance first thing Monday morning.

Next, she picked up her phone and texted her friends, still sniffling. 

Rey: I got a date for the dance! Dress shopping tomorrow? 

Rose: Oh my god, yay!

Kay: I’ll drive!

Rose: It’s Snap, isn’t it? 

Kay: I bet he peed his pants with excitement

Rey huffed a sad little laugh. At least Snap wanted to be with her. What a concept to ask a girl to the dance and be proud to be seen with her in public. Maybe it was unfair to lead him on, but she’d be super clear that it was just as friends. 

She was so tired of these older boys thinking it was their world, and she was just in it, subject to their whims and demands. Even if he was trying to do better, Poe had yet to stop treating her like a child. Ben clearly took her for granted, expecting her to stay his dirty little secret indefinitely. 

She still wanted Ben more than ever, of course. But maybe he needed to see her with someone else to truly appreciate what he was missing. A little reality check was in order.

Taking control of the situation felt like she was finally stepping into her own power. Once she’d made up her mind, sleep came much more easily.

Chapter Text

After their fight that night, Rey didn’t see Ben for two weeks apart from passing him in the halls at school, which was sheer torture. She avoided looking directly at him, but she could swear he was always looking at her. 

Like a fool, she kept waiting for him to pull her into a dark stairwell or something, but he and Poe were inseparable day in and day out, their intense practices keeping them from having their usual video game nights. Poe would come home sweaty, grumpy, and taciturn, no Ben in sight. Then, they had away games two weekends in a row leading up to the championship, leaving Rey alone with Shara and Kes most of the time. She wished she was more interested in their adventurous stories after their latest supply run for their new nonprofit organization. However, all she could think about was Ben–what he was thinking and if he yearned for her like she did for him. 

She was kicking herself that she never bothered to ask for his number, and there was no way he’d ever risk asking for hers. Social media was off limits, too, not that he used it much at all. She’d just taken it for granted that he was always around, and now she couldn’t talk to him at all. Maybe it was for the best, though. He’d probably suck her right back in, and she’d be right back where she started. Something had to change before she trusted him enough to give him her whole heart. 

Now that she was reluctantly going to the dance with Snap, she’d kept busy dress shopping and limo planning with Rose and Kay. She’d been so vocally clear about the whole “going as friends” thing that Snap had visibly winced, but he still seemed happy to have a date regardless. Rey started to feel bad for using him to make Ben jealous, then also reminded herself she’d given Snap every reason to bail on her, and he’d chosen to stick around. She made a mental note to make it up to Snap by helping him find someone else who might appreciate him. Maybe Poe could put in a good word with Zorii or something.

On the loneliest nights, Rey found herself longing for the days when she, Rose, and Kay were gangly, freckled, braces-clad nerds who stuffed their training bras with two-ply toilet paper and used folded paper fortune tellers to divine whether or not they’d live in a mansion and how many kids they’d have. 

They’d go to dances together, huddling in the corner watching the cooler kids feel each other up on the dance floor, only running to the center of the dance floor in a fit of screams and giggles when a BTS or Taylor Swift song came on. Sure, they’d always had crushes, but more importantly, they’d had each other. Part of her wondered if she really wanted a boyfriend or if she just wanted to fit in with her friends again. 

If only it were that simple, though. No matter how hard she tried to deny it and how angry she was at Ben for not choosing her over her brother, she also knew that what she felt for him wouldn’t just go away. 

Why had she wanted to be so grown up again? There may be some merit to staying a kid forever, just like Poe wanted her to be. She never had these kinds of problems when she was a sweet, innocent nerd. Unfortunately, these growing pains were inevitable, and they were excruciating.

On the night of the Fall Formal, Shara and Kes were away for a pilot convention but promised that this would be their last trip for a while. They insisted that she and Poe get copious photos of their formal outfits, necessitating endless posing with their friends before they got into their respective limos. She’d gotten a big, silly, poofy, sparkly, strapless blue princess dress to make herself feel better. It even had pockets and little butterfly appliques floating up the corset. 

Shara texted back in response to the photo she’d sent to say it was fit for a queen, and that gave Rey the added boost she needed to hold her head high for the rest of the night. In contrast, much to her disdain, Snap had gotten a powder blue cumberbund and a stupid little corsage that matched perfectly. It was sweet, but she just didn’t want all that from him.

Ben, Poe, Zorri, and Finn went as a friend group as promised, and it was clear that Zorii had zero interest in being mistaken for Ben’s date. In fact, when it came time to do the cheesy couple photos, Zorii chose to pose with Finn instead. In turn, Ben hugged Poe from behind dramatically, earning a knowing eyebrow raise from Rose when he nibbled on his best friend’s ear. Finn was a good enough actor that only Rey noticed his jealous glances afterward and Poe’s guilty shrug and wink right back. Finn could barely hold back his besotted grin. 

Despite Rey’s relief at seeing an abrupt end to the Ben/Zorii shipping theories, it was still agonizing to watch the object of her affection climb into a limo without her. 

Once at the Formal, she only danced with Snap and her friends to the faster songs, repeatedly absconding to the bathroom to take care of “girl things” whenever the swoony, romantic ballads came on. Halfway through the event, when Ben had failed to confess his love onstage with a microphone and a strategically placed flash mob, she decided that going alone would have been far less stressful.

When Snap finally had the decency to go chat up his Chess Club buddies, Rey lingered by the refreshments table, sneaking glances over at Ben and Poe, who were hanging out with their lacrosse teammates on the other side of the gym. She repeatedly watched small groups of her pretty, giggly classmates walking by the boys in a poorly veiled attempt to get their attention. Rey’s heart sunk, wondering if she’d gone too far trying to make Ben jealous because here she was, probably turning a vivid shade of green. But when Ben finally deigned to lay eyes on her, it was clear how invisible those other girls were to him.

His gaze was so intense it made her cheeks feel hot, as quickly as tears sprung to her eyes. They should be here together, and they weren’t. It hurt so deeply, and she just couldn’t take it anymore. As another stupid slow song started to play, making her feel even worse, she rushed out into the darkened hallway before she started crying in earnest.

She should have told her friends about all of this the second it happened. They might have had good advice, considering they were in real relationships. She and Ben could have figured things out in time to share this special night together instead of pathetically pining from across the room.

It was supposed to work out for them, yet here she was, bearing this burden utterly alone while everyone else was having the time of their lives. If it was truly over, she wouldn’t even be able to sob with her girlfriends over pints of ice cream and corny rom-coms, let alone cry on her big brother’s shoulder about it. 

Out in the cool darkness of the hall, she focused her eyes on the floor, her vision blurred by tears as she returned to the restroom where she’d already spent most of her evening. Ben must have left the gym via another exit because she ran right into his thick, meaty chest and nearly lost her balance. His strong arms closed around her, keeping her from falling to the ground in a heap. Which, honestly, was all she wanted to do. 

Collapse and sob.

“Whoa, hey there,” he declared. After helping Rey up, he wrapped his large hand entirely around hers. “Come with me,” he said without meeting her eyes and pulled her into the nearest classroom, shutting the door behind them. Without another word, he lifted her chin with his fingers and leaned down to kiss her. 

It was all she’d wanted to do for two whole weeks, yet it felt hollow. Thankfully, her body was in control because her heart couldn’t be trusted, and she pushed him away. “No, not like this. Not because you feel bad for me or you’re lonely or whatever this is.”

“Fuck, you’re still mad at me? You made your point, okay? Seeing you with that Snap dude is killing me. Plus, I really miss you. You haven’t looked at me or spoken to me in two fucking weeks, dude.”

As good as it felt to hear him say that, it didn’t feel like enough. This wasn’t how the movies went. Why wasn’t he singing Can’t Take My Eyes off of You with the entire marching band behind him? 

Being here with him didn’t magically fix anything. They were still hiding in the dark. 

His arms closed tighter around her as she finally stared up into his eyes, more tears welling. “Then why won’t you do something about it? And this doesn't count. It doesn’t prove you’re not ashamed of us–of me. If you really wanted to be together, then we’d be out there, not in here.”

He looked around as if searching for a valid excuse for his cowardice and hesitated as he came up short. “Rey, I told you, it’s not that-”

“Do you want me to tell Poe? Would that help?” she interrupted him, suddenly feeling sympathy shine through her thick veil of anger. It was clear from his face how conflicted he was. 

She didn’t know if it made him a really good guy to choose his best friend over her or the worst boyfriend ever–if she could even call him that. If doing the right thing hurt this much, then maybe it wasn’t the right thing. But she just didn’t know anymore, and his warm, muscular arms wrapped around her again weren’t helping her think any more clearly. 

“No, no. It should be me that tells him,” he insisted. “I’m not ready yet, but I promise I will be. I just don’t know when.” He pressed his lips together in that nervous tick of his that only accentuated how pink, full, and kissable they were. “I want you, I swear. In fact, I fucking need you. Please, can you give me a little more time?”

Her heart softened then, if only slightly. At least he was finally being the teensiest bit vulnerable, even if his continued desire for secrecy stung. Regardless, she still held fast to her conviction. She didn’t want to be loved halfway if he even loved her at all. 

“Look, I don't want to pressure you, Ben, but I also shouldn’t have to. Being here tonight has been awful. I don’t know if I can just hide how I feel anymore. Besides, he might figure it out if we don’t come clean soon. It’s Poe. He knows both of us extremely well,” she added. “And I know about his secret now, so I feel bad keeping something like this from him when he’s already opened up to me.”

Ben nodded in acknowledgment since he seemed to be in on the Finn mission, too. “I know. You’re right about all of it. I'm so sorry to put you through this. I just need to figure out how to say it without him wanting to murder me. Poe is all I have, you know?” Now it looked like he might start to cry as he pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. Despite her trepidation, she tried her best to believe everything he’d said. 

Her mind wandered back to her conversation with Poe earlier and the sacrifice he was making to be with Finn, remembering that, too, was only temporary. It gave her the strength to hold on a little longer, especially if he kept holding her like this. 

“You have me too, you know?” she squeaked, feeling the full weight of the obstacles between them and what they both wanted. But at least she knew for sure now that it wasn’t one-sided.

“Thank you for not giving up on me,” he replied, rocking them back and forth. 

She let herself cry quietly, tears staining his dress shirt as she sought a long-awaited emotional release. Her frustration, anger, and relief soaked into the stiff white fabric stretched over his solid chest. Luckily she’d opted for waterproof mascara and skimped on the eye shadow so Snap didn’t think she was trying too hard and get the wrong idea.

“You look so pretty tonight,” he whispered low and gravelly into her hair, the deep vibration of his voice making her shiver a little. “I really wish I could have danced with you.”

Rey reached for the doorknob behind him and opened the door just a crack. He stiffened in response, then relaxed when she held him tighter instead of slipping past him. 

“Then dance with me.”

Can’t Help Falling in Love with You was playing, and she decided then and there that this would be their song if things worked out. It wasn’t a flash mob or a marching band, but it was enough for her to hold onto for now.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

They rocked slowly to the faint tune, Rey interlocking her arms behind his back. Ben rested his cheek atop her head, arms looped around her, his hands stroking her bare shoulder blades above her strapless dress.

“This dress is so sexy, too,” he added, toying with the tiny zipper pull as her cheeks flushed with heat yet again.

“Thanks, it has pockets,” she replied shyly, wondering if she might ever regret losing her virginity in the Johnson High chemistry lab.

But the song was over far too fast, and Rey heard voices approaching in the hallway. Ben pulled back and kissed her softly and tenderly, wiping away her remaining tears with the pads of his thumbs. 

“We should go. Can I come over tonight?”

“Didn’t the lacrosse team rent a motel room for a party? Rose and Kay are going, I think. I wasn’t interested for obvious reasons.”

The last thing she needed was to be surrounded by drunk jocks and her friends while they all made out with each other, and she and Ben did God knows what to avoid each other in a cramped little space.

“I don’t wanna be in some gross motel with dudes I see every day. I wanna be alone with you. Obviously.” He still held her face, but his body was already drifting away. 

“It hasn’t really been all that obvious, you know,” she couldn’t help but add, even though they were running out of time. 

“‘I’m sorry,” he spoke sincerely and gave her a gentle forehead kiss that made her melt faster than an ice cream cone in the hot sun. “Thank you for being patient with me.”

Whatever he was going through, she knew it must be pretty serious to hold him back like this. She tried to trust him and relished the feeling of his lips on hers. 

“I’m gonna head back and tell them I’m bailing on the after-party. See you at home?”

Rey smiled at the casual way he said home like it was his too. 

“Can’t wait,” she smiled wistfully. “Now go before someone catches us.”

“I’ll see you later,” he smiled hopefully as he peeked into the hall and disappeared. 

“See you,” she said to the empty space where he’d just stood, missing him more than ever now that she had him back.  

It’s not like him opening up to her just a little was some big romantic gesture, and she likely wouldn’t be losing her virginity to him that night as she’d initially fantasized, but it was something. 

Rey already felt a weight lifting, and it bolstered her spirit. She couldn’t wait to see him later, even if all they did was talk and cuddle.

When she returned to the gym after fixing her mussed updo and reapplying her lip gloss, Poe ran over to let her know he would be staying the night at Finn’s since his parents were also away. 

“What about the after-party?” Rey asked. 

“Fuck the party. There’s gonna be others once we win the championship. Tonight, I think Finn and I are finally gonna-”

“Please don’t tell me,” she interrupted him, holding her hand up in protest. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t forget the lights and locks, okay, kiddo?”

“Get out of here!” she yelled playfully, putting aside her annoyance for once because she was so happy for him.

“See you tomorrow. I’ll pick up Vinny’s on the way home.”

“No way, sleep in and snuggle. I’ll manage.”

“Oh, and here’s Ben’s number,” he started, pulling out his phone to thumb hastily at the screen. "Call him if you hear a burglar or whatever. I’ll be, you know, occupied.”

“I don’t need to know all that-” she replied as her phone buzzed in the pocket of her dress. She pulled it out, eyes widening as Ben’s contact card appeared on the screen. “Thanks, really. It’s just one night. Go already!!” Rey tried to hold back her celebratory grin.   

She and Ben were going to have the whole house to themselves, and she had his number now, so she’d never have to go two weeks without talking to him again. Tonight, they could talk as loud as they wanted, maybe even make some other noises, too. Not that she should sleep with him tonight while things were still under lock and key. But she appreciated the opportunity to have unlimited time to just be with him.

Even better, Poe might be more amenable to the uncomfortable truth about her and Ben after a sexy, relaxing night with Finn. 

Poe gave her a grateful nod and grabbed Zorii by the elbow before heading out of the gym. Zorri nodded conspiratorially and gave a knowing look to Ben over her shoulder. Rey watched as Finn and Ben followed them out a few minutes later. So they were all in on it. It was so sweet how his friends all supported him like that. 

Feeling more excited than ever, Rey went to say goodnight to her friends and prepare herself mentally for a night alone with Ben. 

Just the two of them.

Chapter Text

Rose and Kay, in the best of spirits after a successful Fall Formal, were more than happy to drop Rey off at home with the limo before they rode it off into the night to their motel party. Rey fully expected to get a group text from them at three in the morning saying they’d lost their respective virginities, probably in adjacent, smarmy motel rooms with cheap sheets. For once, Rey didn’t mind missing out. When she and Ben made love for the first time, it would probably be in one of their beds, with rose petals and all that jazz. Given their need for secrecy, she hadn’t been to his house yet, but it wouldn’t be much longer.

Rey flung her sparkly blue tulle monstrosity into a pile in the corner. She took a long, steamy everything shower just because.

The longer she thought about it, the more she was resolved not to get too carried away. It would be something special they could share once they were a real couple in the light of day.  

Just as she started to don her fancy silky PJs, the bell rang, and Rey finished throwing on her shorts sans panties and quickly darted down the stairs to greet him.

“Hey,” he said casually, his usual backpack slung over his shoulder. He was still wearing his fancy suit, and she hadn’t been able to appreciate until now how devastatingly good he looked in something other than a hoodie or a lacrosse uniform. 

“How’d you get here so fast?” she asked. 

“Zorii just dropped me off with the limo after we took Poe to Finn’s house. That Snap guy somehow ended up with us, too.”

Rey suddenly had a new appreciation for her brother’s best gal pal. 

“What?” he asked, shooting her a quick, amused glance.

“Nothing, I'm just happy to see you,” she said, grinning ear to ear as he stepped inside the house.

Ben smiled widely in response. 

“What are you smiling about, huh?” she asked playfully.

“I’m just glad you’re not super pissed at me anymore. Also excited to be legit alone with you for once.”

“I mean, I was a little pissed, but I wouldn’t say super –” she trailed off. 

She hoped he didn’t think he was off the hook completely. She could be patient, but she wasn’t backing down. Maybe he’d be more forthcoming about his reasons for holding back after they spent some quality time together tonight. Poe was the most obvious reason, but it had to be more than that since all her attempts to reassure him had failed.

She felt adamant and determined to figure that out until he dropped his bag and immediately swept her up in his arms, kissing her and spinning her in a circle until her legs magically wrapped themselves around his waist. Desire welled up in her abdomen and took hold, heat radiating between their bodies. 

“Yeah, sure,” he chuckled, a little breathless. “It’s okay. I deserve it.” 

He was so cute it was unfair. 

Once he set her down, she grabbed him by the hand. They practically ran as she led him up the stairs. They took full advantage of the empty house, even going so far as to leave her bedroom door open as they tumbled inside. Ben shed his suit jacket and dress shoes on the way to her bed, stopping periodically to stick his tongue in her mouth. 

He pulled her down to the bed until she was straddling him, grasping his loosened tie in her hand. His eyes turned dark as he looked up at her, and she jerked her hips forward in turn, feeling him grow increasingly hard beneath her. Ben suddenly became more aggressive, holding her tightly by the side of her neck, thumb braced against the front of her throat as he kissed her with all his might. She ground against his erection in an automatic instinctual motion, as easy as breathing.

They were supposed to be cuddling and talking about the future. Maybe role-playing what they’d say to her brother. She could do a really good impression of him, too. It would be good practice, and they could-

Ben’s hands brushed down her breasts and wrapped around her hips as he urged her to move back and forth, her clit grinding against his clothed shaft. The pressure was maddening, and after two weeks of pent-up frustration, she couldn’t possibly turn down an opportunity to find a much-needed release. 

“That’s it. Make yourself come. Don’t worry about me,” he offered as if doing penance for all he’d put her through.

But she didn’t want revenge anymore. She didn’t want to make Ben jealous or use him. She just wanted to feel good and make him feel good, too.

She unbuckled his pants, and this time, he didn’t stop her when she grasped him and copied precisely what she’d done to him under the bleachers. He was warm and heavy in her hand, and the small bead of precum melted quickly into her palm when she swiped it over the tip. Ben moaned with pleasure, holding his hands up in mid-air, frozen as if he wasn’t sure whether to stop her or not.

“Fuck, your hand–”

“Do you like that?” she asked, eager for his praise, for more evidence that she was his best student. They’d gone on quite the journey together since he taught her how to use her lips and his thighs, and now they were almost where they truly belonged.

Maybe it would be enough to end this torment for good if she could make him feel the weight of her need for him. How good it could be if they didn’t have to hide. 

“Yeah,” he whimpered, “You know I do. So good,” he praised. 

She gave him a few firm strokes and then lifted his dress shirt up to lay the heavy mass on his bared abdomen, more eager than ever to make them both feel good at the same time.

Centering her body over his, she bore down, letting the slippery gusset of her pajama shorts glide over his supple foreskin, up and down, back and forth. Maybe it was too much, considering she was practicing restraint this evening, but it felt too good to stop. He probably wouldn’t last long anyway since it had been so long since they’d done this.

“Can I try something?” he rasped, staring up at her with such reverence. It was almost too intense, that look, and of course, she couldn’t bear to say no to him when he made her feel like the most beautiful woman on earth.

She bit her lip and nodded because the last thing she wanted was to break the spell between them. She rued not having had time to put underwear on earlier, forcing her to be that much stronger.

Ben reached between them to slide her shorts to the side, wordlessly directing her to lower herself over his naked shaft once more.

She stared wide-eyed at where they were touching now, bare skin to bare skin, her heart beating faster. “I don’t know what to do-” she started, hoping Ben wasn’t thinking they were actually going all the way. He couldn’t believe that, could he? Although she hadn’t exactly made it clear that coming clean to his brother was a prerequisite for having sex, either.

“You know what to do, it’s okay. You’ve gotten so good at this. Just make yourself feel good.”

As she started to move, however reluctantly, the wetness that had accumulated between her now parted lips released and lubricated their most intimate skin.

It felt glorious.

Slick, wet sounds filled the air as she gained speed, her clit catching on the ridged edge of the head of his cock, where she lingered repeatedly on each return, grinding her hips in a circle to chase even more pleasure.

“Like this?” she asked, even though she could tell by the way his eyes closed and his lips parted as he gripped her waist that it was precisely what he’d wanted. 

“Fucking perfect,” he whispered hoarsely, opening his eyes slightly and biting his lip. “Don’t fucking stop.”

She felt that sense of wonder again, like that fateful night when he’d kissed her for the first time. How he’d guided her, shown her how to make herself feel good so selflessly. She realized he’d never asked her for more than she was willing to give. Maybe she’d been too hard on him, really. 

As she neared her release, she got a little aggressive and felt his head nearly breach her entrance. His eyes popped open wide, but he held fast to her hips. “It’s okay. We don’t have to-,” he insisted, as if reading her mind, which swirled with a combination of fear, and why not just let it happen?

“I just wanna feel–” his words were cut short as she resumed moving. He stared up at her with a wondrous yet tenuous look in his eyes, like he wanted her to figure out what happened next.

He seemed just as scared as she was despite his supposed Sex God status. She kept her pace slow and steady this time, focusing her clit on the center of his veiny shaft, willing her orgasm to free her from her dangerous impulses. Once she came, she probably wouldn’t feel so out of control. 

Ben reached up and caressed her breasts over the slippery fabric of her pajama top, but this time, it didn’t open of its own accord. It was so easy for her to get off all those other times when all she thought about was getting her needs met–back when Ben was just a far-fetched conquest, and she was seizing any opportunity she could while it lasted. 

At this moment, the pressure felt immense, like she was standing at the edge of a precipice, and the depths were calling to her. Everything meant more now. Falling was no longer a choice.

“I’m so close,” she whined in an attempt to convince herself so that it might end before she released her conviction and took her own virginity. And despite his protests, she was sure he would be more than willing. “I just need–”

“I know what you need,” he spoke sternly, and suddenly, she felt herself being flipped on her back, half-hoping he’d decide for both of them. 

She was only human, after all.

Ben yanked her shirt apart like he hated it, sending buttons flying and kissing her breasts and down her stomach, tucking his fingers in her waistband to pull her shorts clean off before she could press her legs together in protest. 

“Ben, what are you–” she started, though she had an idea, the way he was positioning himself between her open legs. 

“Just relax,” he insisted with a promising glance as he spread her wide onto the mattress and spat on her bared sex. 

“Oh!” she cried out as his tongue followed quickly, his hands digging into the soft flesh of her thighs. 

She furled her fingers in his hair, unsure what else to do with her hands, seeking any anchor to the physical world as her soul began to leave her body. 

This was the stuff of bathroom wall legends, for sure. And now it was all hers.

“Ben! Ben!” she cried out like a mantra as he flicked his tongue like a butterfly wing across her clit one moment and plunged it into her soft, empty hole the next. He pressed it in as far as it would go, and the sensation was overwhelming, making her crave something more solid and deep.

He shushed her and continued his salacious onslaught, wrapping his arms tight around her hips to pull them both down to the floor until she had no choice but to straddle his face, 

“Do to my face what you do to my leg,” he said between more hungry licks. 

She adjusted so her knees were firm on the floor, Ben’s large form folded beneath her, his shins tucked against the side of her bed. He was mostly clothed, except for his now neglected hard-on, shining with her essence. 

“Okay,” she agreed, her voice shaking as she placed her palms on her inner thighs and tilted her hips toward his greedy tongue. “Am I hurting you?”

“You could never,” he smiled up at her, his face glistening with her arousal. He guided her by the hips to rest her ass on his sturdy, muscular chest. Once she realized she couldn’t cut off his oxygen supply, she followed his instructions eagerly. 

“Ah!" She cried, averting her eyes from the open door out of habit, remembering they were free and clear for the night. Now, nothing was standing in her way. The most handsome boy she’d ever seen, a star lacrosse player and her brother’s best friend, was lying beneath her with his tongue in her pussy, asking her to fuck his face. 

This was now the sexiest thing that had ever happened to her, and she crimped her eyes shut and took her pleasure. Within a few minutes, she was hunched over, shirt discarded, completely nude, skin beaded with sweat, fingers grasping at the carpet. She felt like the manifestation of pure id, her single-minded focus only on her own release, even as it continued to elude her.

“I don’t know if-” she strained, feeling increasingly frustrated, even as he continued to make her feel deliriously turned on like every nerve ending in her body was activated and ready to explode.

“Yes, you can,” his voice came muffled but eager from between her legs. “Come on my face. I know you can. Come in my fucking mouth,” he urged her, punctuating the command with a firm lick to her clit before he sucked on it, flickering his tongue in a maddening rhythm.

He was more dedicated to getting her off than she was. He wanted her. He would do anything for her–

“Oh god- Oh fuck-” her thighs shook, and her toes dug into the carpet as she finally let go, Ben’s skillful tongue guiding her through the most intense orgasm of her life. 

As she collapsed onto the floor beside him, still quivering, she saw that he was still unbelievably hard. 

Her eyes widened, but her bones felt loose and melty, and she didn’t want to move. Ben sat up and peeled off his shirt, crawling up to meet her at eye level and pulling her tight against his body.

“I want you so badly, Rey,” he said earnestly, for once without the caveat of but we can’t or we shouldn’t.

Feeling a mixture of intense gratitude and a desire to relinquish all the things that had held them back for so long, Rey opened up to him, flattening herself on her back and parting her legs in invitation. So much for feeling stronger. The push and pull of power between them was intoxicating, and she wasn’t ready for this to end. 

“I want you too,” she rasped. 

He kissed her long and slowly, sweeping his palms over her breasts and abdomen, just shy of where she wanted his hands and much more. She could feel how achingly hard he was against her hip bone. His continued restraint was miraculous, considering she had barely contained herself.

Maybe this should be it. She’d never wanted anything more intensely. Well, except, of course, for the truth to come out. But she had no reason to believe he would back down or give up on her now.

Ben shimmied his pants down his legs and toed them off his ankles before pulling their bodies tight against each other. He kissed her slowly and deeply, and she hooked her arm around his neck and hitched a leg over his hips to drive home her surrender to the inevitable.

Ben rolled on top of her, his hardness now an unavoidable object between them, but he didn’t make any indication he was in a rush to deflower her. They kissed some more, and if she wasn’t so nervous and excited, she could fall asleep this way, happier than she’d ever been.

Where he failed in words, he’d told her in volumes with his body already. This would just be one more thing that he taught her. That would belong to him forever.

Her first kiss. Her first time. Her first love.

As they kissed, their bodies moved of their own accord, and before she knew it, his cock was wedged firmly in the channel between her thighs and her innocence. She was still soaked and slippery from her orgasm. 

“I”m not gonna fuck you. Just let me- ungh,” he grunted, though once again, he was a terrible actor. She knew what they both wanted, and there was no sense in pretending they didn’t. 

“It’s okay,” she reassured him as his head bumped into her most sacred spot. 

“Sorry,” he said, without stopping, each stroke leading him to the same place, like a missile seeking her warm, wet heat. 

“We shouldn’t really-I’m sorry. But I want to so much-” he said, reminding her of her previous frustrations and jolting her slightly out of her post-orgasmic haze. But he wasn’t stopping, and she didn’t want him to, despite her reservations. “Feels so fucking good, Rey.”

“Just promise me no more hiding,” she insisted, needing to at least believe that it would all be worth it. That she wasn’t risking her heart and her sanity just to find herself hiding in the dark again. 

Suddenly, it felt more real and more terrifying than ever. It was entirely possible that she was actually not ready for this, her earlier doubts starting to resurface the faster he moved his hips. What if he wanted to keep having sex with her in secret? Could she bear being his only halfway? 

“I promise. We’ll tell him,” he insisted, pausing his frantic movements to move his lips to her breasts, pulling a nipple between them, flicking his tongue over it until her toes curled. She couldn’t help but dig her nails into his firm, muscled shoulders. “I promise I’ll tell everyone. That you’re mine, That you belong to me.”

As if needing to prove himself further, he dropped to her side, his body still pressed firmly to hers, kissing her neck with the same passion as the rest of her body, trailing his fingers between her breasts and down her stomach until she squirmed with unprecedented need. 

His fingertips gently danced too slowly along her heated skin, her abdomen contracting in response until she thought she might die if he didn’t keep touching her. He kissed her cheek and temple as his fingertips pressed more firmly above her mound. 

“Is this okay?” he whispered, and she noticed she wasn’t dissolving into ticklish giggles this time. 

“Yeah,” she breathed, closing her hand over his and forcing it lower. “Touch me.”

“How’s this?” he asked, pressing firm circles into her clit until her eyes rolled back. Of all the ways he’d pleasured her, with his thighs, his hard cock, his mouth, this felt the most intense of all.

“S’good,” she agreed, having lost a majority of her vocabulary somewhere in the last five to ten minutes.

He slipped a finger through her slit, gathering her cum and smoothing heavy strokes over the entirety of her sex. “Do you think you can come for me one more time?”

She bit her lip and nodded, closing her eyes to focus on every movement of his hand and how it made her feel like her whole body was charged like a defibrillator, capable of shocking someone back to life. 

After a few more delicious strokes of his fingers, he pressed one inside, and she let out a small squeak. “Shhh, it’s okay, just relax, and it won’t hurt. I’ll go slow.”

As if he’d read a manual entitled “Thirty-six Ways to Make a Girl Come and Love You Forever,” he pressed his thumb to her clit while he worked a second finger inside her. As he pushed, pulled, and pressed, she felt the pleasure wind through her like a rope pulling a climber up a jagged cliff face. While earlier she’d thought herself plunging into an abyss from whence there was no return, she now felt herself rising higher and higher. 

“You’re shaking again,” he whispered in her ear as he wrung deep, coiled pleasure from her. “I love making you shake.” 

It felt like they were the only two people in the world. Like they were put on this Earth to find each other, make each other happy, and find ecstatic pleasure in each other’s bodies. When her remaining thoughts melted away, all she was left with was the bliss of his hands on her body, his lips against the shell of her ear.

When she shuddered out her deep, all-consuming release, he kissed her neck and worked her through it, not stopping until she grabbed his wrist and yanked it away. She was ready for what came next. She couldn’t wait one minute longer to have him inside her completely.

Ben laughed softly and hitched a leg over both of hers and was on top of her again, still hard, still ready. He plunged between her slick, quivering thighs and continued where he’d left off. 

“It’s okay if it’s just this,” he offered, already sounding like he was fit to burst. Each time he slid his cock back and forth in the tight wet tunnel of between her legs, she could feel him nudge her entrance again, which was only growing needier and feeling emptier every moment he wasn’t pressing inside. 

Since it seemed the choice was entirely up to her, she then decided he was worth causing an uproar for. She would ensure they could be together no matter how long it took. She’d be brave for both of them. 

She didn’t want this to be halfway, either.

“It’s okay,” she reassured him. “I want this. I want you. All of you.”

His hips slowed, his expression a mixture of disbelief and hope. “Are-are you sure? Don’t feel like you have to–” 

She grasped him then, sliding his reddened, swollen head between her folds and over her clit before pressing it firmly to her still-pulsating entrance. He watched with wide-eyed fascination and zero protest, bracing himself on his hands, rendering him powerless to stop her.

“Yeah, I’m really sure,” she confirmed, starting to clench just around the thick head of him, needing him so badly that it replaced any remnant of logic with pure lust. 

Everything would work out. She trusted him.

“Yeah?” he parroted like he couldn’t believe it, even as they both watched it happening.

Before she could clarify further, he pushed in slightly, clamping his hand over her mouth out of habit as she cried out.

“Shhh, shh. It’s okay. Shh. I’ve got you.”

She winced at the tiny but bearable pinch and then shuddered as she was filled slowly but surely, her entire consciousness taken over by the sensation. Her eyes rolled back as she moaned, the sound muffled into his palm.

“Oh, fuck. You’re so hot and tight. Jesus. I had no idea–.” 

“Mmph!” she cried into his hand, squeezing her eyes shut as she took him. He removed his hand and kissed her furiously. She held fast to his shoulders, bracing herself against the heavy intrusion. 

He pulled out just a bit, then pushed in slowly but repeatedly, and they both moaned unabashedly, finally able to use their voices fully for once. Rey dug her heels into his lower back and clung to his biceps, his breath hot in her ear as he began pounding her into the floor. 

He ground his pelvis against her tender vulva, enhancing her pleasure until she thought she might burn alive from within from the tension. She let her hands fall to the carpet beneath them as she surrendered to it, and he interlocked his fingers with hers. As they stared into each other’s eyes, mouths parted with heavy breaths, all of his skin touched all of hers, her nipples grazing his chest, her legs slipping against his hips, her feet sliding along his calves as she began to lose control of her limbs. They kissed until it felt like they might fuse into one being completely.

“You’re mine,” he buried his head in her shoulder and growled in her ear, his grasp as possessive as his words. “So fucking perfect. All fucking mine-” 

“Ah!” she cried out. “I’m- Ah- ah– fuck!” she cried out as she came with no effort at all, losing track of how many times he’d coaxed one out of her. 

Ben let out a low groan as his hips stuttered, and he held himself deep inside, each subsequent grunt indicative of how good it must feel to fill her up.

His sounds were only for her. His cock, the rush of hot cum being pumped inside of her. It all belonged to her. She knew that meant something, even if they still had a long road ahead.

He stilled, and his body seemed to relax, crushing the air from her lungs as he covered her mouth with languorous, claiming kisses starting with her mouth and trailing down her throat and over her clavicles.

“How was I?” she asked without thinking when she gained the freedom to speak again. Even though she pretty much knew the answer, she still wanted to hear him say it. How did she rate against the Senior Class Sex God’s former conquests? She tried to stifle the giggle that the thought necessitated. 

“No comparison,” he replied strangely, kissing her cheek as he slipped out. 

The answer surprised her since he’d been so focused on her pleasure, so giving, so considerate, letting her take the lead, making her come over and over and over, while she hadn’t done much at all. But it was her first time, at least. Maybe he’d taken it easy on her, and next time, he could show her more things she could do.

He replaced his spent cock with his strong fingers to press his cum back inside as it spilled from her. She didn’t even think to bring it up, even though she probably should have, but she’d been on the pill for as long as she could remember. She’d caught Ben rifling through their medicine cabinet before for all sorts of things since he practically lived with them, so he had to know she was on it.

But the fact that he didn’t seem worried at all touched an unknown, tender part of her. They were just teenagers, sure, but she hadn’t ruled out the possibility of loving him forever, either. If he was taking the risk, maybe he might feel the same about her.

He sat up, pulled the small crocheted afghan from the foot of her bed, and covered her nude form with it before wrapping her in his tight embrace once more. He kissed her softly, covering her cheeks and eyelids, and pressed his lips perfectly to her forehead. 

“I—Thank you,” he whispered into her hair as she nuzzled her face in his chest, pure happiness flowing through her veins. 

It was so perfect she didn’t have the heart to say another word about their uncertain future. At this moment, being in his arms, belonging to him, as he’d so emphatically stated, was enough.

I love you, she mouthed without saying it aloud.

She knew deep down he felt it, too. 

Everything was going to be just fine.

Chapter Text

Rey woke up feeling extremely hot, and not in a sexy way. It was like the heater had been cranked to a level that would have Kes hollering about the gas bill. Ben must have carried her to bed sometime in the night without managing to wake her. He was now wrapped around her, radiating heat like a furnace, the crocheted afghan haphazardly covering their bodies, his pale, hairy legs sticking out the bottom. 

The sun was just rising, and Rey’s eyes popped open even wider, realizing they now had a ticking clock before Poe came home and caught them red-handed. 

“Ben,” she placed her palm on his bicep and shook him gently. She then regretted not taking more time to look at his beautiful sleeping face, the long lashes, the moles painting his cheeks, nose, and forehead. 

His eyes fluttered open, and his face spread into the sweetest smile when he saw her. “Hey,” he said quietly, his voice thick with sleep.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she responded, trying to hold onto the peaceful feeling of being in his arms for a few moments before she kicked him out of her house, her anxiety already starting to bloom. “Poe might be home soon, so you should probably–”

His eyes widened, and he sat up, looking all around the room, presumably for his clothes. “Shit. Um, Rey? Where’s my backpack?”

Rey shot up beside him, clinging to the blanket to cover her breasts, looking at the open door, not seeing his backpack anywhere. “Oh no. I think you left it downstairs.”

“Rey, I need you to go get it. If I wanna walk out of here alive, I cannot be wearing my suit.”

“If you want to live, he can’t see you at all,” Rey insisted, her sense of urgency increasing. “I’ll go get it. Find somewhere to hide while I'm gone.” she surveyed her room, and her eyes landed on her bedroom window. It lead to a short roof overhang with a slightly less harrowing drop to the ground outside and faced the side of the house covered by a large oak tree. It was perfect for him to escape unseen by her family.

As long as Poe wasn’t here, there’s no way they wouldn’t be suspicious, even if Ben pretended to have crashed in her brother’s room by himself. Ben would also be the best alibi for Poe staying at Finn’s. She had to get Ben out of here and fast.

Rey threw on a robe and ran downstairs to fetch the backpack. Just as her hand landed on the strap, she heard car doors slamming outside. Not just one, but two.

Their parents were home. 

Shara and Kes weren’t supposed to be back yet, and they hadn’t texted to say so, probably assuming she and Poe were sleeping in late after their big night out.

So not only was she about to be caught red-handed with a naked Ben in her room, Poe would also be in deep shit for not being home with him. 

“Fuck fuck fuck,” she spat, grabbing the backpack to run back up the stairs. Once in her room, she tossed it at Ben, who was now cowering near her closet, clad only in his boxers. He was too damned big to hide anywhere in this tiny room. She should have known better. He had to go. She slammed her bedroom door behind her. 

“Get dressed right now. My parents are home!” she hissed, and Ben’s terrified expression mirrored her own. 

“Holy shit. What time is it?” he asked frantically.

She glanced at the Hello Kitty alarm clock on her nightstand. It was only eight-thirty.

“Early! They must have gotten an earlier flight or made it through security in record time with their TSA pre-check, or they knew the pilot. Hurry up, they’re gonna be inside any moment.”

Ben hustled into a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt as Rey rifled through her drawers to put actual pajamas on. This time, she grabbed one of Poe’s old oversized lacrosse shirts and some plaid pajama pants he’d grown out of in middle school. 

“You look really good in that shirt,” Ben remarked, pausing to take her in as he tossed on a black hoodie. “You should be wearing mine, though.”

“Something to look forward to,” she smiled. “Now go–get out of here,” she directed him to her bedroom window with a pointed finger. It pained her to kick him out when all she wanted was to snuggle up with him in her too-small bed, smell his soft skin, and play with his luxurious hair.

“Okay, okay. I’m going,” he insisted just as Rey heard the front door open.

Standing with her hands on her hips, anxiously watching him climb out the window, she couldn’t believe what had transpired. That this cute boy sneaking out her window had shared such a life-changing moment with her on the floor where she now stood.

It hadn’t happened on a bed covered in rose petals, and thankfully not in the chemistry lab. Though it wasn’t what Rey had always dreamed of–and everything was still this big secret that they were frantically trying to cover up–it had still been absolutely perfect.

Part of her wondered then if the “keeping it a secret” part was what made it so thrilling: the scarcity of time together, the need to seize what little they had and make the most of it. But taking her time with him last night had also been pretty incredible. She wondered if the smile on her face would fade any time soon and how she’d explain it if Shara gave her a knowing look over breakfast. 

Once on the roof, Ben turned around and stuck his head back in the window, staring at her expectantly. “What are you waiting for?” she started to panic as she heard Shara and Kes’s voices and the thuds of their suitcases on the living room floor.

“Kiss me goodbye, Niima,” he requested sweetly, batting his eyelashes. 

She darted over and held his face with both hands, planting a firm kiss on his pouty lips. “There, you happy?”

“Happiest I’ve ever been in my life,” he replied with a dreamy look. “I miss you already.”

Before she could say something equally romantic, her heart fluttering, he backed out, braced himself on the lip of the roof, and swiftly jumped out of sight. She watched as he snuck through the gate, closing it softly with care, then jogged down the neighbor’s front walkway to the street before disappearing down the sidewalk and out of sight.

“Poe?” she heard Shara call from the bottom of the stairs. “Can you help us with these bags, hon? Your dad’s sciatica is acting up again.”

Rey shot a quick text to her brother, who was probably still drooling on Finn’s pillow or being the little spoon. 

Rey: I’m gonna cover for you, but you should know Mom and Dad are home, and they’re currently looking for you. 

Poe: Shit. Ty lil sis. I owe you. Be home soon.  

Rey could only hope the favor would put her in Poe’s good graces when everything finally went down.

Lucky for both of them, Shara and Kes didn’t suspect a thing, readily accepting Rey’s story that Poe had crashed somewhere with Ben. They oohed and ahhed over the Fall Formal pictures, and Rey brushed off any questions about her future with Snap. 

“He’s just a friend,” she blushed when Shara asked how it went. 

“I can tell from the way you’re avoiding touching him in all the pictures,” her adopted mom smiled wisely. Rey waited for her to comment that she could also see the lovestruck way Rey looked at Ben when she thought that the camera was not pointed directly at her, but to her relief, Shara didn’t pry. “You had fun, though?”

“Yeah, it was a good night. I’m glad I went,” Rey replied.

“You looked beautiful, little mama,” Kes complimented her. “And all that matters is that you had fun, whether you liked your date or not. Although I’m biased. I fell in love with Shara in basic twenty years ago and never looked back.”

“How sickeningly sweet,” Rey laughed. But she loved their love. It was big enough to make room for their own kid, plus her and Ben, for all the time he spent at their house. They were all so lucky these two people found each other.

“If you talk to your brother, tell him I am not washing his stinky-ass gear, and he better get on it ASAP. Coach just emailed to say they’re doing double practice every day this week.”

“That championship is pretty serious, huh?” Rey asked curiously. Even though she was fairly out of touch regarding Poe’s sports career, Shara was ridiculously on top of it, like she was his agent or something. Kes was his biggest fan, making shirts with Poe’s face and trading cards to hand out at games to little kids who simply idolized her brother. Just because they were never home didn’t mean they were absent. It also occurred to her that she’d started referring to them as “Mom and Dad” more often than not recently, without even thinking about it. They were the best, and it filled her with bittersweet gratitude that she got to have them, even if she still felt a deep longing for her own parents.

“Yeah, sweetie. Lots of college recruiters are gonna be there. You know, the ones that give free rides to Division I schools. Not like we couldn’t afford to put him through school if we had to, but if it’s free, it’s for me,” Shara joked.

Rey smiled wistfully. It was something her Dad always said. He’d taught her to be frugal but also not ashamed of accepting help or handouts. After her mom’s passing left the slightly stoic veteran alone to raise a little girl, he’d depended heavily on offers of free childcare, hand-me-down clothes, and a steady rotation of casserole dishes. She’d repeated it to herself every time she felt guilty for being extra spoiled on her birthday, getting taken to amusement parks, and receiving way too many Christmas gifts from the Damerons. Regardless of how she felt like she might be taking advantage of their endless generosity, they never made her feel like a burden. 

“If I’m being honest, it’s Ben I’m worried about,” Kes said a tad more gravely.

“Honey, shush, that’s none of our business,” Shara responded quickly, giving him a stern look, her eyes sliding towards Rey and back to her husband. Kes immediately clammed up and made himself busy rearranging the cereal boxes in the cupboard. 

Rey felt her stomach drop. Is that why Ben was so stressed? She would have never expected that he was hurting for college funds. His parents owned multiple car dealerships and auto shops in the tri-state area, and she had always just assumed that he was rich. He wore fresh Jordans at all times and didn’t even have a part-time job. But then again, neither did she and Poe. 

Still, she didn’t pry any further, trusting that Ben would confide in her when the time was right. It made her feel a little better to know that this was probably the reason he was holding back in taking their relationship public.  

“Who wants Vinny’s Bagels?” Shara changed the subject, which was plenty to distract Rey from the conversation, even as she made a mental note to talk to Ben about it once the game was over.

💋💋💋

Sadly, Rey didn’t see her brother or Ben the rest of the week as they prepared to face Takodana again in the final showdown of the season. It was easier to give him space when they could keep in touch and send each other cryptic texts using the code they’d devised. This way, if anyone happened to glance at either of their phones, they wouldn’t think anything of it. 

“Do you have any chips? ” meant “I wanna kiss you.”

“I’m so thirsty!” meant “You look so hot.”

The fruit and vegetable emojis were kind of self-explanatory, but they used those sparingly, usually at night, when they were less likely to be discovered. She did her best not to get caught giggling at her phone when other people were around, but it was getting harder every day. 

Rey also kept busy with her friends, who were in Super Supportive Girlfriend Mode, making glitter bedazzled posters for the game, shaking fundraising cans outside of supermarkets, and making jerseys with their boyfriends’ last names on the back. It helped to pretend she was doing it all for Poe, proudly plastering DAMERON across the back of a red jersey, even if later on, she secretly made a SOLO version that she crammed in the back of her closet for next season. 

Coach Snoke finally gave the team a night off to recover before the game, and Ben naturally hung at their place. She’d avoided texting him to come to her room so as not to raise suspicion. Instead, she waited patiently for him to appear at her bedside once the whole house was asleep. 

However, he’d only come to give her a quick orgasm with his hand and then promptly attempted to disappear. He’d seemed like he was rushing and itching to leave, and she’d had trouble coming. That is until he whispered in her ear how much he’d thought about his cum spilling out of her and how he couldn’t wait to do it again. Then she’d insisted he come in her panties and stroked him quickly to completion before he could so much as utter another word of protest.

She’d also thought about reminding him of his many promises to tell the truth and trying to give him a deadline since all he’d been able to do was ask for more time. She knew that once the game was over, they’d have no more excuses not to come clean to her brother. The season would be done, and there would be far less to pull Poe’s attention away from their obvious interest in each other. 

The last thing she wanted to do was pressure him the night before his game, which apparently had a lot riding on it, based on what little she’d gathered from her parents' unintentional disclosure. It was his last chance to shine as a senior, and she knew he’d crush it, so she wasn’t worried. He’d probably have his choice of schools. She still wished he’d confided in her, but he was here with her now, and he’d just made her come, so maybe that was his way of coping. Either way, she was happy she got to be there for him.

Before he dashed away, she pressed a pair of black lacy panties into his palm to give him something to remember her by until they were together again. 

“Here,” she said. “It’s like a maiden giving you a favor before the joust but hornier.”

“Incredible,” he swallowed heavily, staring at the tiny scrap of fabric in his giant hand. “I’m gonna jerk off so much in these, and I’m not even sorry. And then I’m gonna make you wear them,” he whispered against her cheek and chuckled before kissing her goodbye. “You’re gonna be at my game, right? Wear something low-cut.”

“It’s gonna be forty degrees out,” she laughed.”

He dragged a finger just inside the neckline of her camisole, raising another fire in her belly despite just having it extinguished minutes ago. “Then wear something tight so I can stare at your perfect ass from five hundred yards away.”

“That I can manage,” she smiled adoringly. 

When she disappeared, she flopped into bed and scrolled his rarely updated Instagram just to see his face again since they didn’t have any photos of each other. One day, she knew her camera roll would be a wall of her and Ben with their cheeks smushed together, mirror selfies, and all the corny, romantic dates he would take her on.

This stupid championship game couldn’t come fast enough.

Chapter Text

Before heading to school the morning of the championship game, Rey knocked on Poe’s door, not yet having had a chance to talk to him about his romantic weekend with Finn. He’d snuck while she and their parents were picking up breakfast. Since then, between his practices and her increased involvement in the Mechanic Club, they hadn’t crossed paths long enough to discuss anything in-depth. 

“Hey, kiddo,” Poe greeted her, already packing his equipment into his giant duffle bag. 

“So,” Rey started with barely concealed excitement in her voice. “You haven’t told me how it went with Finn yet.”

Poe laughed softly. “Somebody’s nosy.”

“Poe!” she flopped onto his bed and crossed her arms. “Don’t be coy. I’m deeply invested in your great love story. Tell me everything but the gross parts.”

He zipped up his lacrosse bag and gave her an annoyed look until she pouted. “Okay, fine,” he responded, his face breaking into a wide smile. He shoved his bag to the floor and dropped dramatically to the mattress beside her. “You’re right. It is one of the greatest love stories ever. I’m pretty sure he has a ring in his pocket, and he’s just waiting for the right moment. Maybe by the after-party tonight, I’ll be the future Mr. Finn Storm. Poe Storm. Poe Dameron-Storm. You get the idea.”

“So I’m assuming that means it went well?” Rey beamed. If Poe was getting a happy ending, it gave her hope for her own love story.

“Extremely. Best night of my life. And then the morning happened.”

“Oh no, what happened?”

“So you know how you texted me? Finn’s dad came home early from his poker or fishing trip or whatever Gen-X dads do on Friday nights. Pretty sure he wasn’t expecting to see me in Finn’s bed when he came to get his laundry the next morning. ”

“Holy shit!”

“Yeah, I thought we were totally dead. We scrambled, and I tried to make it seem like we were just bros, and he saw right through us.”

“You were the little spoon, weren’t you?” Rey smiled.

“Yes, of course. I like to feel small. Anyway, I thought for sure he’d call Dad and that it was all over. World War Three was about to commence, and I’d never see Finn again.”

“So what happened? Mom and Dad don’t seem to know anything about it.”

“Right. So what happened was Finn had already confessed to his dad before the dance, and they’d had this deep talk about Finn’s happiness and going to med school one day and everything. So they worked it all out, and he got his blessing to date me and everything. Finn thought it was cute that my friends were protecting us, and he just let them think they were doing something. I mean, I wish he’d also let me in on the update before his dad saw my bare ass, but it was a hectic night, and we were focused on, um, other things, and I wouldn’t really let him talk. He’s just so–” Poe sighed dreamily.

“That’s amazing,” she gasped, covering her mouth with her hands in surprise. “That’s so romantic. He really did all that for you.”

“I know, right?”

“Oh my god! So his dad wasn’t mad that you guys-” she gestured vaguely.

Poe shrugged. “I guess he’s cooler than we gave him credit for. He just lectured us about safe sex and to save the sleepovers for college. Before I left, he shook my hand and pulled me in for a big bear hug.”

“I love that for you!” she squealed. “So, does that mean planning on going to the same college?” Rey didn’t think there were any schools near Chandrila doing pre-med. It wasn’t the middle of nowhere, but it wasn’t exactly a center of medical excellence.

“I mean, we said the “L” word, so I think I might follow him wherever he goes. It’s probably gonna cost more than Mom and Dad would like, so I gotta really kick Takodana’s ass tonight. Finn even helped me talk Coach into inviting the recruiters from his top three, Harvard, Princeton, and Yale.”

“Oh wow. You’re gonna do great, Poe. Everything’s gonna work out for you because you deserve it.”

“Thanks, baby sis,” he grinned, his eyes sparkling.

“How about you? Zorii said she’s sorry for stealing your man, but she’s got a thing for guys who can grow beards. It’s the only reason she dated me, to be honest.”

It was then that Rey remembered that Zorii and Snap had dropped Ben off at her house and that they hadn’t blown her cover yet. Maybe he’d told them some lie about needing to pick up his stuff, or perhaps they were too busy seducing each other to worry about what she and Ben were up to. If she did know,  Zorii was either the best or worst friend on the planet for not telling Poe, but Rey had a feeling that her allegiance might still be in favor of her brother. It only meant that time was indeed running out to confess to Poe, so he at least didn’t have to hear it from someone else.

“Yeah, he is really good at beard,” Rey agreed, trying to stay calm. If only she appreciated Snap’s beard more, she might have a much simpler love life. “It’s okay. High school guys ain’t shit, remember?” she insisted as a distraction.

“Right,” Poe nodded emphatically. “I know like one decent dude besides Finn, and that’s it.”

“Like who, Ben?” Rey asked hopefully, eager for any chance to bring him up to someone, even if she wasn’t planning on going full confession mode quite yet.

“Yeah, of course.”

“I don’t know, Poe. I’ve read some interesting things about him on bathroom walls,” she laughed. 

“Oh, that? Senior Class Sex God, right?” Poe cracked up like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard.

Rey giggled nervously. “You know about that?”

“Yeah, I wrote it when I snuck into the girls’ bathroom with Zorii at a dance once. We did it to fuck with him and maybe help him get girls. He hates it.”

“Oh,” Rey remarked, suddenly reorganizing her worldview, some pieces starting to snap into place.

I had no idea–

No comparison.

He’d been so gentle, so restrained. He was so sure and so instructive until he was faced with her wanting more than he’d originally planned. Even the coming in her panties thing had started to drive her wild, to the point where she’d insisted he do it last time they were together. His possessiveness was like a drug that she craved. She loved being marked by him, something only the two of them knew about but cemented her belonging to him. The more time they spent together, the more he let her ultimately drive whatever happened next. Everything he’d done was usually with her benefit in mind. 

Now that she thought about it, she was the only reason they’d gone all the way. 

“He may not be a sex god, but he’s a good dude. Sometimes, I worry that he’s missing out on dating, but he’s so focused on his game. It’s kind of admirable. I’ve been more than a little distracted by Finn, and he’s been pushing me at practice all week to make up for it.”

“Yeah, he- you guys seem really stressed about the championship. It’s a big deal, right, with all the recruiters? Is Ben worried? Mom and Dad were kind of talking about it the other day.”

“For sure,” Poe readily shared. Rey sat up, eager to hear more details despite wishing she was hearing it directly from Ben. Maybe it would help things along if she knew what he was dealing with. Of course, she would support Ben no matter what. 

“His parents' business isn’t doing as well as it used to, and they fight about money constantly. It’s pretty much why he’s always here, and I never go to his house.”

“Oh,” Rey responded. She’d kind of figured it was financial, given Kes seemed to think that Ben really needed a scholarship. 

“Yeah, and please don’t tell anyone, but he thinks they might get divorced and sell the house. His mom is talking about moving a few thousand miles away to be near her family in New Jersey, and his dad’s basically already moved out. Plus, he and his dad don’t really get along very well. He'd probably choose his mom if it came down to it.”

Rey sat wide-eyed, absorbing the information and the reality of why Ben had been so secretive crashing down on her. She didn’t know much about his parents, just that he was always at her house, didn’t mention them much, and she’d never seen them at his games or anywhere else for that matter. It had never occurred to her how much she and Ben had in common in that department because at least his parents were alive. It seemed the Damerons were doing a lot of heavy lifting for both of them.

Poe went on as Rey tried to process what she’d heard. “He would much rather finish out the school year with us and go to Chandrila State nearby. His parents can't afford Ivy league even if he had the grades, and recruiters aren’t exactly coming here from the more attainable East Coast schools either. If he moves, it might hurt his chances of playing lacrosse at all next year. It’s really messing with his head.”

Thank you for not giving up on me, she remembered him saying the night of the formal. Her heart hurt for him.

Oh, Ben.

“Why Chandrila State?” she asked. “Isn’t he hoping for a Division I school? At least that’s what Mom had mentioned when the recruiter thing came up.” 

“I don’t know, it’s weird because he’s so good he could probably go wherever he wanted, even advocate for Coach to get the right recruiters to come. He just doesn’t seem to want to leave Chandrila. The dork likes it here for some strange reason.”

Poe was willing to go anywhere to follow Finn for his dreams, yet Ben didn’t want to leave Chandrila. She couldn’t help but wonder if it had anything to do with him not wanting to leave her. She still had two and a half years of school left, whereas he was leaving for college in less than a year.

“So he might have no choice but to leave here forever? Or at least until college? But if you follow Finn, and his parents aren’t here anymore, Ben’s not exactly going to end up at Chandrila State,” she reasoned aloud.

The thought of Ben disappearing halfway across the country against his will was too much to fathom. She tried not to cry for him and for all they stood to lose.

Poe gave her a quizzical look as if he was curious as to why Rey was so invested in Ben’s college plans all of a sudden. “I mean, there is one other option,” Poe started, and Rey’s mind started to race. 

Could he try reconciling with his dad? Pressure his coach into calling a recruiter so he could still play lacrosse in New Jersey? Because the only other option would be–

Poe interrupted her thoughts just as the weight of the truth landed on her fully. “We’ve been talking about him maybe moving in with us since he practically lives here anyway. I’ve been steadily laying the groundwork with Mom and Dad, but I’ve been waiting to ask them outright until Ben tells me what it is he wants to do. I know for sure they’d say yes. It would only be for a few months, and he’s been a lot better about not leaving empty Gatorade bottles everywhere.”

“Oh,” Rey replied in shock, all the pieces finally falling in place. 

If Ben knew that he might have to move in with the Damerons, she could see why he’d be hesitant to confess that he’d been secretly dating their daughter behind their son’s back. Not only would Poe be upset for all the reasons she’d always feared, but it would be extremely awkward for them to become full-time roommates.

It’s not like Shara and Kes would fix up the guest room for them and say, “Have at it kids!” They were pretty cool about their kids going on dates, and they had already put them both through the painstakingly awkward birds and the bees conversation, but she highly doubted a twenty-four-seven co-ed sleepover was on the menu. 

“You okay, kid?” Poe asked. “I know he’s like a big brother to you. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t already cried at the thought of him going away for good.”

Rey blinked back tears and nodded. “Yeah, I’m sad for you, too,” she said, and she meant it. “He’s your person.”

Ben might be her first love, but he was her brother’s friend first–his best friend in the whole world. Rey tried to imagine if Rose suddenly had to move away forever, making her want to sob even more.

“Yeah, he is.  And now you might have two annoying older brothers to look out for you.”

She couldn’t help but laugh, even though she felt as though her world was spinning off its axis. 

She’d reflected a lot recently on the fact that she was starting to grow up. She had also grown in appreciation for her amazing big brother. His doting could certainly be overbearing, but she knew it was because he cared about her so much. He had been the consistent rock in her life for as long as she could remember. He’d gotten her through the worst times in her life.

The prospect of coming clean about Ben felt like a distant train now, the once sharp whistle barely audible as it faded into the night. Now was definitely not the time to make everything about her. 

Now was the time to go to school and pretend her whole world wasn’t crumbling to the ground.

“Everything’ll be okay,” Poe reassured her. “It’ll all work out for the best.”

“Yeah,” she nodded and smiled. “I uh- I gotta finish getting ready for school.”

“Thanks for the heart-to-heart, Squirt,” Poe smiled at her affectionately as she stood and backed away to the door. “See you at the game tonight?”

She knew she had to talk to Ben as soon as the game was over. It was time to stop all the hiding and the lies and finally do the truly right thing, even if it would shatter her to pieces.

“I’ll be the one that’s only slightly louder than Mom and Dad,” she responded lovingly and turned on her heel to flee to her room to have a good cry before facing the day ahead.

Chapter Text

On the ride to the game, the girls had lots to talk about, namely more about how Kay had lost her virginity unimpressively to Beau, but Rose had decided to wait when Armie almost barfed on her shoulder right as they were ready to have sex. She’d heard both stories too many times to count, but it relieved her somewhat to learn she wasn’t the only one among her friends to have lost her virginity.

Her heart felt heavy, not sharing her story as they had, knowing they’d probably be super pissed when they finally found out. What if her friends thought she was a terrible person for secretly dating her brother’s best friend? She couldn’t help but recall Rose’s judgment about Ben potentially dating Zorri and lines that shouldn’t be crossed. 

“It’s better this way. Now I have something to lord over him,” Rose joked regarding Armie’s faux-pas. “I know we’ll do it eventually. I might make him wait until prom, actually. There's just something about dances and deflowering. They just go together, you know? So cinematic.”

“If you say so,” Kay rolled her eyes. “Beau still owes me an orgasm, but he’s been making excuses about needing to preserve his energy for the game,” Kaydel rolled her eyes. “He is not getting away with this. My shitty gag gift vibrator from Spencer’s is already broken!”

“You should sit on his face,” Rey chimed in suddenly without thinking. It wasn’t the type of thing she usually said out loud.

Kaydel’s eyes practically popped out of her skull. “Rey Marie Niima, I am positively scandalized !” she joked dramatically. 

“What? Isn’t that like a thing people do? I mean, I wouldn’t know–” Rey trailed off, desperate to divert the attention away from herself.

Luckily, it worked. “Yeah, I should. It’s what I deserve. And if he dies, he dies,” Kaydel added with mock indifference, making Rey let out a much-needed laugh.

“I’m gonna try it too, Rose said. “We can teach you all the ropes when you finally do it, Rey, “ Rose smiled sweetly at her.

“Thanks,” Rey replied guiltily. “Some day.”

“Nothing was ever gonna happen with Snap, huh? I heard he jumped in your brother’s limo to chase after Zorii. You really dodged a bullet.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t into him, so I didn’t really mind. He’s actually very sweet. And Zorii’s cool, too. She’s an awesome friend to my brother.”

Rey was no longer worried about Zorii or Snap spilling the beans since she’d be letting Ben off the hook by the night's end. It might even be a relief if Poe found out at this point so she could start the long, arduous process of making it up to him.

“That’s so nice,” Kaydel jumped in. “I hope Beau and I can stay friends when I inevitably dump his ass. Assuming he survives.”

Rey laughed heartily, trying hard not to picture Kay suffocating Beau. It felt good to be hanging out with her friends, talking so openly with them, her main secret notwithstanding. Her FOMO was a thing of the past–they just didn’t know it yet. 

Rey continued listening quietly to her friends chattering as they finally sat on warm fleece blankets splayed over the bleachers in the company of the Damerons, the Ticos, and the Connixes, along with the Hux and Kin families. 

While most towns had football as their primary sport, Chandrila was a huge lacrosse town. There were corporate sponsors, the cheerleading squad, the marching band, and multiple generations of families packing the bleachers.

The Solos were conspicuously absent, except for a banner advertising their business. Rey vowed not to say a word about it to Ben unless he brought it up first. She hoped that at least until he’d done his thing and won the game, he wouldn’t notice that his parents hadn’t shown up for one of the most important moments of his life. It was their loss, she decided. Ben deserved better. 

As the players ran onto the field to the Johnson High fight song, Rey was glad that Ben and Poe were side by side so she could stare at the object of her affection without garnering unwanted attention. 

It made her quite emotional to see him, knowing the big talk they had to have later that night. She wouldn’t let him spend a second longer risking his future to be with her. She couldn’t stand to hurt her brother either. He was already facing losing his best friend. She didn’t have to add insult to injury. As her thoughts drifted, she must have forgotten to pretend she wasn’t staring at Ben like a deeply discounted flat-screen television on Black Friday.

“Rey Marie Niima,” Kay reprimanded her in a motherly tone. “You have a crush on Ben Solo.”

“What?” Rey asked, fear making her heart beat in her temples.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. It’s so perfect,” Kay remarked smugly. “Rose, look at her face and at Ben, and then look back at her face.”

“Oh, I already noticed,” Rose agreed heartily. “You look like he’s leaving for the war or going off to sail the stormy seas. You’ve been staring at him for five minutes straight, and all he’s doing is sitting on the bench, waiting for Armie to take a beating so he can finish the job. It’s so blatant, you hussy.”

“Isn’t he like secretly dating your brother?” Kay asked. 

“No, I thought Poe was with Finn Storm now,” Rose disagreed.

Rey’s face fell, and her emotions got the best of her. Instead of brushing off their commentary like she usually did, she fought to hold back tears.

“Are you okay?” Kay’s voice softened. “You look like you’re about to cry. I’m sorry if I–”

Rey crumpled, leaning her face on her hand and sobbing in spite of her best efforts, even though she was in full view of every family in town, including her own. There was nothing she could blame it on, not her period or anything with school. Her life was going pretty well, actually, until this morning.

“Rey,” Rose whispered sweetly in her ear as she rubbed her back. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

“No,” Rey shook her head emphatically and wiped away her tears with the backs of her mittens. “No, it’s fine. It’s just that I, um–I have something to tell you.”

Two sets of eyes looked at her from either side, and she felt the full weight of their stares, choosing to focus on her folded hands instead.

“Ben and I have been, you know, together since that party when Kaz started dating Bazine. We’ve been keeping it a secret but-but-”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kaydel mouthing ‘Oh my god’ to Rose. 

“Rey, why didn’t you say anything? And are you guys okay? Because I’ve never seen you cry this hard, and frankly, I’m worried about you.”

It was true. Even when her parents died, she’d tried so hard to make herself small, quiet, and easy to deal with so she’d be less of a burden on others. Leave it to a silly boy to completely ruin her well-developed defenses.

“I was afraid you think I was a horrible person because he’s my brother’s best friend.”

“So you guys are just hooking up, right?” Kay asked. “So what?”

Rey turned to her curious blond friend. “We’re not just hooking up. We had sex after Fall Formal,” she lowered her voice to a whisper. “I think I might actually be in love with him. And now he might have to move to New Jersey or something unless he can come live with us. It’s a huge mess.”

“Jesus, Rey,” Rose replied in disbelief. “I can’t believe you kept all this to yourself.”

“I know. I’m sorry, I feel awful. It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

Rose grabbed Rey’s mittened hand and looked into her eyes. “This must have been so hard for you to deal with all alone. I am so sorry.”

Rey hadn’t expected that response, making her want to cry even more. It had been so lonely, especially when she couldn’t be with Ben. Everything was damned near perfect when she was with him, but when she wasn’t, all she couldn’t stop thinking about getting rid of this massive burden of keeping her love a secret. It had been so difficult, and she really missed being able to talk to her friends. Really talk to them.

Rose hugged her tightly, and Kaydel joined in on the other side, making a Rey sandwich between them.  

“Rey Marie Niima, you sweet, precious baby,” Kaydel cooed softly, squeezing her tighter.

“It’s gonna be okay. You have us. I’m sorry we’ve been so distracted with our own boyfriend drama to notice you were going through this,” Rose added.

“Yeah, high school guys ain’t shit,” Kay laughed. “We love you.”

“Speak for yourself. Armie is husband material. But I agree with the loving you part. Please don’t suffer without us ever again, okay?”

“I promise,” Rey replied through her sniffles, reaching up to hold onto her friend’s arms with both hands. 

She let herself be held by her best friends, her heart expanding to let in even more love, just like her parents would have wanted.

She might be losing Ben, but her friendships were more solid than ever. It gave her strength for what she knew she had to do. 

💋💋💋

Once she stopped crying, Rey became fully invested in the game. As expected, Poe and Ben were on fire, practically dancing across the field in well-choreographed plays. For all his brutality, their evil coach had brought out the best in them, and they in each other. The man had actually smiled and patted them affectionately on the backs. They were incredible to watch, even if she could care less about silly sports. She’d never been prouder of her big brother or his best friend. 

Finn was also in attendance with his parents, who’d brought their own sparkly homemade signs to cheer Poe on. It warmed her heart immensely, reminding her of the importance of her impending sacrifice. 

In the last half of the game, her eyes wandered to the stands where all the recruiters from various state colleges and universities had gathered, talking on their Bluetooth headsets and typing on their laptops between plays. Her gaze lingered on a man in a Princeton polo who couldn’t keep his eyes off of Ben, and her heart simultaneously soared and felt crushed. If he could cobble together enough financial aid and sports scholarships, Ben would be able to play lacrosse in college, and Poe might even be there if Finn chose Princeton to pursue his medical degree. They could all be together, happily ever after. Minus Rey, of course.

Rose and Kay ran to the front of the bleachers to scream louder for their boyfriends before they got benched again. Shara brought over a cup of hot cocoa, giving her a warm and caring look, which meant she’d probably already seen Rey crying earlier. Rey hadn’t been much for confiding with her adoptive mother about her problems, but now she might not have a choice. It might actually feel good to let Shara take care of her emotionally for once, but Rey wasn’t quite sure if she was ready for that yet. One step at a time, she supposed, not knowing what to expect if Ben ended up moving in with them–only that she’d have to deal with it whether she liked it or not.

“Can you believe Finn got that guy to come?” Shara asked with clear admiration.

“What do you mean?” Rey asked, sipping the sweet, hot drink and letting it warm her chilled body.

“Finn’s such a go-getter. He helped get all these recruiters to come for Poe so they can hopefully go to school together, but then at the last minute, he managed to get that Princeton recruiter to come all the way here for Ben, too.”

“Wow,” Rey replied with awe. “That’s really nice of him to do that. Maybe they can all be together next year.” 

She’d be devastated if he had to go live with his mom, but at least if Ben moved to New Jersey, she wouldn’t have to be stuck living in a house with him, yearning day in, day out, never being able to touch him again–

“Are you okay, Rey? You know Poe will come home for every holiday, even if he moves far away.”

Rey felt slightly relieved that Shara had mistaken her crying for being sad about her brother’s impending departure. Part of her also wanted to be called out like she had been with her friends so she could let go of the burden altogether.

Before she could confess outright, the whole crowd went wild. Takodana took an unexpected lead, and Armie was injured by an overly aggressive rival. There was chaos on the field for a few minutes before Ben returned to the spotlight again. 

“Go Poe! Kill ‘em, Killer!” Shara rose up and screamed like a possessed demon as Poe ducked and dodged his way through the other players with the grace of a ballet dancer, Ben doing the same to get into position with the strength and speed of a stallion. 

Rey then noticed Ben’s parents at the front of the bleachers, standing right next to Rose and Kay, cheering even louder than her friends, something she didn’t think was even possible. 

“That’s my boy!” she heard Mr. Solo bragging to the crowd around him. “That’s my son!”

“Go, Benji! You got this, baby!” his mother shouted joyfully.

She could see Ben smirking through the grate of his helmet as he caught an impossible pass from Poe and took the winning shot. 

The crowd went wild, Rey included. She cheered and screamed, jumping up and down with Shara, feeling enough pride and joy to help stop the tears.

Ben was probably getting into any school he wanted now so he could still play lacrosse and be with his best friend. Even if his parents were breaking up and forcing him to move, at least they’d had the decency to be there for him tonight. It looked like Ben was going to get everything good that he deserved, and Rey was more than willing to make sure nothing stopped him from getting it. 

Even if it meant breaking her own heart.

Chapter Text

Rey couldn’t get anywhere near Ben after the game despite her efforts to catch him. He was too busy being fawned over by his parents and chatting with multiple recruiters before disappearing straight into the locker rooms.

“After-party! After-party!” Rose and Kaydel chanted as they ascended the bleachers to help Rey to her feet again. 

“It’ll be fun. Armie can teach you how to do a keg stand,” Rose winked, taking her by the hand. 

The comment made her remember Poe’s silly TikToks of Ben failing repeatedly at keg stands because he was too big and kept tipping it over. She’d watched the videos more times than she could count. 

Rey reluctantly let herself be led to the car, looking mournfully out the window at the stadium as it faded from view, and they made their way to a party that would be anything but celebratory.

Clutching a red plastic cup, Rey waited stoically by the keg for Ben to arrive, assuming it would be his first stop. When he finally strolled in, giving high fives and snaps to a gauntlet of teammates and nodding uninterestedly at several other girls who cooed their hellos, he finally walked over to join her. 

He looked nervous, probably since they’d barely interacted in front of other people unless they were absolutely forced to. Even then, they feigned nonchalance. Her cheeks felt hot, even as an icy chill ran down her spine.

“Sup, Squirt,” he joked as if trying to project the image he was just her brother’s friend and not her secret lover. Poe was already in another room with his arm slung around Finn, regaling some juniors with a play-by-play of the game's final moments, and the other party-goers seemed to barely register their interaction.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” she asked timidly. 

“Yeah, sure,” he smirked. “I think there’s an empty bedroom around here somewhere.”

She hated to burst his bubble but figured it would at least get him to move quickly if he assumed they were about to get lucky. After a quick scan revealing the hallway was clear, they disappeared into a guest bedroom, and Ben clicked the door shut behind them.

Just as he reached for her face to kiss her, she backed away, ready to blurt out the speech she’d rehearsed while standing forlornly by the keg, waiting for him to arrive. 

This all started because of her bruised ego and silly need for a first kiss. Ben just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, and she’d continued to let her conscience disappear into thin air because it had felt too good to stop. She’d put him in an impossible position and then given him a hard time for it, not knowing what he was going through. Of course, it would have helped if he’d been more honest with her, but Rey now understood why it was so hard for him to talk about it. If she hadn’t been so focused on her own selfish needs, both to get off and to stake a public claim on him and because she felt so left out of her friend group, maybe he would have had more of a chance to explain himself. But no, she just had to be horny, barely letting him speak before she climbed him like a tree and continuously pressured him to betray his best friend.

But not anymore. It was time to grow up. She no longer felt like she needed a boyfriend to feel close to her friends. Nor was she entitled to endless orgasms or to have Ben as her boyfriend. Not if it meant hurting both him and Poe in the process. It was one thing to let love in. It was another thing entirely to take advantage of people. She tried to make her voice sound strong and echo the conviction she’d mustered, even though all she wanted was to kiss him anyway like the selfish jerk she was. 

“Poe told me about your parents and that you might be moving in with us. I get why it was so hard for you to come clean to him now. You shouldn’t have to worry about upsetting my brother on top of everything you’re going through with your parents and getting into college. I’m so sorry I put you in this position in the first place. I was only thinking about myself and my needs. I realize that now.” Ben stared at her like she was suddenly speaking an unfamiliar language, but she pressed on. She knew this wouldn’t be easy, and he might even argue, but it was for the best. “And you’ll be okay. You’ll go to an amazing college, play Division I lacrosse, and meet plenty of other girls. You’ll forget all about me and have the best time.”

“Wow,” he blew out a breath. “Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out.”

“Yeah, I’m trying,” she nodded, suddenly proud. She’d cried enough today, and to her pleasant surprise, Ben didn’t seem too upset by her speech. Maybe it wasn’t one of the worst days of her entire life after all, as long as it didn’t end with Ben hating her.

His face spread into a smile, confusing her even further. “Oh, come on, You’d really give up on me that easily, Niima?” he asked, far more lightheartedly than her grand revelation seemed to warrant. It’s not like she needed him to cry, but they were breaking up, and he was smirking? 

“I’m not- that’s not what I’m doing. And you know, if you still want to go to Chandrila State, then you have to stay with us, which means we really shouldn't-” she gestured with a gentle wave of her hands, becoming more animated now that she was being forced to explain herself even further. “Unless you decide to go to Princeton with Finn and Poe, which is fine too. With how well you did tonight, you have plenty of options. This way, we don’t have to hurt Poe; you get the future you want.” She sniffled, not even realizing that she’d already started crying. “And don’t worry about me. It’ll be hard, but I can get past it because it’s the right thing to do.”

Ben’s expression was a mix of frustration and amusement. “You’re not serious, right? Do you honestly think I’m done with you?”  

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in for a kiss. At first, she melted into it, only to realize it would only make things worse if she didn’t start letting him go.

“Don’t,” she said, gulping back a sob. “Please don’t. You’re only making this harder. I just don’t see any other way. It’s unfair to you and my brother to keep going down this path just because I want you so badly.”

Ben quieted his voice, his lips just inches from hers. “Hey, look, I totally get it. Do I feel more at home in your house than I ever have in my home? Yeah. Do I wish Shara and Kes were my parents? Every damn day. I’ve never once felt as lonely in your house as I do in mine. I never felt like a burden or in the way, even though I definitely was. When I get a job, I’m gonna send them six crates of Gatorade and a fruit basket.”

Rey laughed softly despite her sadness. “You know they don’t mind. They love you, Ben. Everyone does.”

Including me. Which is why I can’t hold you back.

“I’ve had some time to think. Of course, I don’t want to piss off Poe, but losing you is not an option. It’s all gonna work out, I promise. The plan hasn’t changed. I’m still gonna tell him, and we can be together, end of story.”

“Of course, you won’t lose us. We should definitely explain everything to Poe, and you and I–well, maybe we can still be friends if he doesn’t kill us?”

He huffed a soft laugh, and she couldn’t help but feel like she was losing her mind. He seemed so sure that things would work out, but she couldn’t see it through all of her over-analyzing. 

“No, we can’t, Rey. We can’t be friends.”

She started to cry in earnest. Was that her only option? To be with him no matter who it hurt or lose him completely? “W-why can’t we?”

“Shh, don’t cry. I don’t mean it like that, silly.”

She looked up at him, blinking, realizing he still had his arms wrapped tightly around her, and his palm was now resting on her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into it.

“Rey, look at me.” She did, though it was hard. For a brief moment, she pretended everything really was okay and tried to absorb what he was saying without sobbing. 

“We can’t be friends because I’m deeply, utterly in love with you.”

She wished he hadn’t waited until now to say that. Because it only made it that much harder. More crying ensued.

“I can’t,” she whimpered. “I can’t be this selfish. You can’t give up your best friend and your future for me. And I really don’t think I can live in a house with you and not be with you, so you should probably go live with your mom.”

“No, Rey. I’m the selfish one,” he insisted. “Because I’ve known all along what I was doing and what the risks were, and I still chose you. I risked it all because none of it matters if you're not mine. I’m sorry it took me so long to be brave enough to own that choice, but that’s all I’m gonna do from this moment on, I swear to you.”

Even if he wasn’t the Sex God he was reputed to be, he was handsome, kind, and generous. He could move anywhere in the world and have a new girlfriend within a week. Choosing her was a mistake that could cost him far more than she was worth. Accepting kindness and handouts was one thing. Holding someone back from living their best life was just wrong. She couldn’t do that to him.

“Why? Why would you do that?” she sniffled, unable to wipe her tears away fast enough before new ones replaced them. “Why would you risk so much to be with me?”

He held her face, forcing her to look at him. “Because you were the first, Rey. My first time. My first love. ”

Even though she’d already figured it out, it was overwhelming to hear him say it. 

“I thought– You said, ‘Even I was a virgin once,’” she said, imitating his cocky expression that first night they’d kissed. She conveniently bypassed the love comment because if she didn’t, her brain might explode. 

“I mean, it’s technically true. I was a virgin once, specifically at that moment when I told you that. I don’t know. I wanted you really bad, and you seemed impressed, like you thought I knew what I was doing. I guess I was just nervous, you know.”

“I was impressed, Ben. And you did know what you were doing.”

“If you say so,” he laughed. “You didn’t really know any better, did you? A lot of people think it’s weird, but I kind of need to feel connected to someone before I want to do anything with them– and I never really felt that connected to anyone until I met you.”

“I’m just so confused,” she replied, her tears subsiding as she pondered the great enigma that was Ben Not Actually the Senior Class Sex God Solo. “You’re, like, so good at sex. You've given me so many orgasms.”

“Maybe I just have a really good partner,” he smiled adoringly. “I love you, Rey. Did I forget to say that? I love you so much. I think, on some level, I always have since you were a little freckle-faced kid. Until you came to me that night looking for kissing lessons, I sincerely tried not to think of you that way because of how protective Poe is. But now I can’t imagine not being your boyfriend.” 

Rey let his words sink in, still struggling to believe them, even as he repeated himself, continuously reassuring her that he wasn’t going anywhere. It was almost too good to be true.

“If Poe cares about me at all, I hope he’ll understand,” Ben continued. “And I’ll do whatever it takes to convince him I don’t deserve a lacrosse stick up my ass,” he added with a chuckle.

Part of her felt like she deserved a bonk over the head with a lacrosse stick for being so hard on herself, assuming the worst, and not hearing what he was saying because she was so afraid to be a burden. But as he stroked her cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes searching hers, she felt a tiny door in her heart swing open to finally let him in all the way. 

“I love you too,” she replied, her voice catching on a half-laugh, half sob as he pressed his forehead to hers. “So much. I don’t want to lose you, either. You were the first–everything. I can’t imagine not being with you, being yours. I just didn’t want to be the reason you gave up on all the good things you deserve.”

“Speaking of that,” he said with a raised eyebrow. “It turns out I don’t have to give up on anything,” he replied. “My parents came to the game tonight and said they’re gonna try to work things out, at least until I graduate. Apparently, some giant doofus named Poe Dameron showed up at the house this afternoon while they were sitting with the realtor and told them to at least try to be decent parents for once in their lives.”

“Oh my god,” she hiccuped a watery laugh. “Poe would do something like that.”

Rey had never appreciated her big brother more.

“Apparently, his experience with Finn’s dad taught him to be brave or something.”

“So does that mean–” she started hopefully, slowly relinquishing the idea that she was standing in the way of him having a better life.

“That we won’t be sharing a bunk bed anytime soon and that I don’t have to move to freakin’ New Jersey? Yeah, I think so. I told them I really didn’t want to move to your house or anywhere else.”

As if testing him one last time, ensuring there were no more leaks in the fragile boat that was keeping them afloat, she cleared one last doubt from her mind. “What about that recruiter from Princeton–”

She found it hard to believe he would turn down a D-1 scholarship and the chance to go to a prestigious Ivy League school with his best friend.

“Yeah, I know. That was really nice of Finn to give me a backup plan in case my parents refused to budge. But I also talked to the recruiter from Chandrila State, who said I have a locker with my name on it if I want one. I already told him yes.”

“Oh.” Rey smiled with relief. It’s what she’d hoped for. “I- I’m so happy for you, Ben.” 

“You mean happy for us,” Ben insisted. “So go ahead and get the idea out of your head that you’re holding me back,” he added. “I’m exactly where I want to be–right here with you.” He squeezed his arms around her, pulling her tight against his body, reigniting the desire that had never stopped burning for him, only temporarily dimmed by her self-flagellation. 

The obstacles had been stripped away one by one. Ben didn’t have to move in with them anymore, nor was he going to New Jersey after all. Everything she’d wanted was possible again, but It didn’t feel right that it was suddenly so easy. She’d been so laser-focused on getting the truth out and wanting to be his girlfriend before that she hadn’t considered who that truth might hurt. Now that she was trying so hard to balance her needs and those of others, she wondered if she still deserved to have her cake and eat it, too. 

Ben had been the first person she’d never felt the need to make herself feel small for. Now that they were communicating more fully, it felt like they finally were on an even playing field. He wasn’t some smooth sexpert, just like she wasn’t a nerd with FOMO anymore. Those versions of Ben and Rey would always be a part of them, but through this connection they shared, they had both become so much more.

If she could think of anything she wanted more than to be Ben’s girlfriend, it was to avoid hurting Poe. Now, she could only hope her big brother was in a forgiving mood. 

“I’m so scared. What if he hates us?”

“He won’t, I’m sure of it. And do you honestly think I’d let him stop me?” Ben accentuated his declaration by pressing her back against the bedroom door. “And Poe deserves to hear it directly from me before he sees it with his own eyes because I’m not hiding how I feel about you ever again. You’re not some dirty little secret, Rey. I meant it when I said you’re mine. You’re my first love and hopefully my last.”

“I-”

He cut her off with a kiss, slow and insistent, until she no longer felt like crying. But what she really wanted to do probably wasn’t appropriate for the occasion.

Rey looked into his eyes. She was so close to getting what she wanted that she was more afraid than ever. What if Poe decided to disown them both? What if Shara and Kes were so disappointed they didn’t want her to live with them anymore? What if they broke up in a month, and this was all for nothing? 

“Let’s tell him together,” Ben offered, giving her a quick kiss before releasing her from his tight grasp and taking a step back to reach for her hand, “We’ll tell him that we’re madly in love, and there’s nothing he can do about it.”

She stared at that beautiful hand that now held hers, so big and warm, that had brought her so much pleasure, and she imagined she’d like to hold onto it for the rest of her life. 

“Do you really think it’s worth–” she paused, remembering Poe’s words. “Causing such an uproar for?”

Ben leaned down and kissed her softly. “Yes, Rey. A thousand times, yes. Do I have to get the whole marching band and a flash mob to prove it to you? Because I’m pretty sure my friends can help me make that happen.” 

The laugh that erupted from her lips was enough to stop the tidal wave of her negative thoughts once and for all. Ben was so handsome, his face illuminated by the soft light trickling in from under the door, looking at her like he’d just made the best decision of his life. 

The hallway outside the bedroom door was becoming increasingly crowded with their classmates. Everyone would see them when they left this room and know they were together. 

There would be no hiding anymore. 

She reminded herself of the risks Poe had taken to be with Finn and vice versa, of Poe’s brave act in confronting Mr. and Mrs. Solo to ensure Ben could live the life he wanted, even if it meant they’d be apart. And thanks to his patience and reassurance, she knew now, without a doubt, that the life Ben wanted was with her. 

She hoped that with all her heart, maybe, just maybe, her brother might be happy for them. 

There was only one way to find out.

Chapter Text

Rey decided to let Ben be brave enough for them both, already picturing the best outcome possible, however naively. Rey imagined her brother, excited and happy for them, Shara planning their wedding down to the tiniest details, Kes insisting he walk her down the aisle.

Okay, maybe she was getting a little ahead of herself, but at least she finally believed it was possible for their love to finally come into the light.

“Let’s do it.”

Ben still had to drag her out into the brightly lit hall, and she closed her eyes, terrified of who might be out there and see them together like this. But Ben was unusually determined and made a beeline to the living room. When they arrived, Poe was nestled against Finn on one of the couches, clinking his White Claw can against Zorii’s. 

“Hey Rey,” Snap smiled from where he was snuggled up with Zorii, who may as well have been holding a bucket of popcorn by the look on her face.

With her free hand, Rey gave a shy wave to her brother’s ex-girlfriend and her one-time Fall Formal date, garnering amused and knowing grins from the happy new couple.

“Poe, Rey, and I have something to tell you,” Ben’s voice boomed confidently over the surprisingly heavy bass from the nearby Alexa speaker.

Poe sat up as if startled, though not fully extricating himself from Finn’s embrace. “What’s wrong, is she hurt?”

Rey slapped her hand over her mouth to cover her nervous giggle. Of course, he would think that Ben was just helping her like some knight in shining armor, his second in command of brotherly duty.

“No, why would she be hurt?” Ben asked with genuine confusion. “She’s fine. She’s fantastic, actually. Because as of today, I can finally confirm that Rey is officially my girlfriend.”

Ben raised their hands up in the air like she’d just won a boxing match.

“I’m sorry, she’s your what ?” Poe blurted out, his features contorting with genuine shock as his eyes zoomed in on their hands and both of their faces, one after the other and back again. 

Ben lowered their hands and squeezed hers for good measure. “I’m sorry that I kept it from you, bro. But I am head over heels in love with your sister.”

Poe crossed his arms over his chest, closed his eyes, and breathed a deep, exaggerated sigh. “ Somehow, you’ve managed to secretly date my sister behind my back? For how long?”

“About two months, give or take? I mean, we never made it official until now,” Ben replied with a dopey grin. 

“Rey, do you have anything to say to me?” Poe turned to her, his expression unreadable, making her wonder if they’d made a terrible mistake.

She shrugged sheepishly. “Um, are you okay?” she asked, genuinely concerned for her brother’s mental health, scanning around for a loose lacrosse stick that might soon be employed in service of his rage. Finn rested his hand gently on Poe’s forearm and gave Rey a curious look as if he was wondering the same. But so far, no outrage had surfaced. 

Poe closed his eyes and lifted his head like he was fending off a migraine. “Yeah, I mean, I guess I am.” He looked at Rey, this time, less disapprovingly. “Well, I suppose if it was anyone else, I might feel differently. But I gotta be honest, I can see it. You two actually look kinda cute together.”

Rey’s eyes widened in disbelief, and Ben grasped her hand even tighter. 

“So, do we have your blessing?” Ben asked, his voice just a tad timid. Rey clenched Ben’s hand in return and started to nervously gnaw on a cuticle. She wished there weren’t twenty pairs of eyes on them, everyone having gathered to see what the big fuss was between the team co-captains.

“Yeah,” Poe laughed, shaking his head. “ I guess if it had to be any asshole, I’m glad it’s my best friend,” he smiled, raising his arms. “Come here, you two.”

Ben and Rey stood stiffly in shock as Poe rose and wrapped them in a big, warm hug. She kept waiting for him to admit it was a trap and put each of them in a sleeper hold, but he just patted them both on the back and stepped back to regard them again.

“I love you, you filthy little liars.”

“I love you too,” Ben and Rey each said, overlapping each other and grinning with relief. 

“Thanks for what you guys did for me today with the recruiters, man,” Ben spoke sincerely to Finn. “And you didn’t have to go all Finalizer on Han and Leia like that, Poe, but it means a lot.”

“You already thanked us, bro. Ten times,” Poe laughed. 

“We just wanted to make sure you had options, you know?” Finn added warmly.

“You have no idea what it means to me to get to stay here,” Ben smiled, turning to look at Rey. She smiled back and swung their joined hands, relieved at last that her greatest fear had finally dissipated.

“I think we do now, bud,” Poe slapped him on the shoulder. “Just keep her away from the jungle juice, okay? She’s on your watch now.”

Rey laughed and scrunched her nose, willing away the now happy tears forming. It had gone better than she’d ever hoped. Poe was happy, Ben was happy, and so was she. They were free to just be now.

Rose and Kay, as if on cue, came over, garnishing plastic cups, and handed her and Ben one each. Armie and Beau followed closely behind with drinks for the rest of the gang as if they’d all been waiting in the wings to celebrate. 

“I hereby declare this as Ben and Rey’s official anniversary date,” Rose shouted, raising her cup in the air. “To star-crossed lovers!”

Finn and Poe tapped their cups and smiled at each other as if maybe they’d already known on some level, and they just let Ben think he was doing something. 

“Cheers!” Kaydel shouted. 

Rey took a sip of foamy beer and looked up at Ben, who slid his arm around her waist, pulling her close. When he leaned down to kiss her in front of Poe, God, and everyone, her whole world suddenly felt filled with love, light, and possibilities. 

Rey opened her eyes again and let herself be embraced by her friends, brother, and wonderful boyfriend, letting in more love than ever before. 

💋💋💋

The rest of the year was a dream. For Ben’s promposal, he and Rey’s friends conspired to make the entire lacrosse team and the marching band perform a choreographed dance in the cafeteria to “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You.” It was better than Rey could have ever imagined, everyone she loved dancing on tables, Ben crooning off-key into a microphone they’d pilfered from the music room. Of course, she said yes, a thousand times yes. 

Kaydel and Beau eventually broke up but decided to go to prom as friends, and their much bigger group sprung for an extra-long limousine. Kaydel finally got her orgasm in the chemistry lab, and she and Beau immediately got back together. Rose lost her virginity to Armie on prom night as planned, and it was perfectly cinematic. Poe and Finn were crowned Prom Kings, to no one’s surprise, and Zorii and Snap kicked everyone out of the limo and rode off into the sunset. In the summer that followed, Rey and Ben spent plenty of time taking full advantage of their newfound privacy in the backseat of Ben’s new used car.

Chandrila State was thirty minutes away, so it still meant Rey had to make it through every week of Junior year without seeing her boyfriend. To survive, they made frequent use of FaceTime and an ever-expanding repertoire of secret codes, even though they no longer had to, just because it made them feel close to each other. 

“Melon is in season” meant I’m gonna show you my boobs,” and “DIY project tonight” meant they’d be watching each other get off on their tiny phone screens.

Ben traveled home every weekend to do laundry and take her on cute, romantic dates, and when he and Poe both came home for the holidays, Ben made sure to sleep over at least once, if not more. Though now that his parents had stopped fighting constantly, both Poe and Rey were frequently welcomed at his house, too.

Everything was foreplay to them, from trying to beat each other’s ass in the raucous post-holiday dinner Dameron Family Poker Tournament to spraying each other with the faucet while doing the dishes after Han made his famous rack of ribs. Everyone got a kick out of letting them know they’d suspected all along they were secretly in love, Shara especially.

“I knew you weren’t crying over your brother at that game,” Shara winked. “I’m glad it worked out for you two. Poe is really evolving. Haven’t seen him threaten Ben with a lacrosse stick once.”

“Yeah, we were a little worried,” Rey lied. She’d been a nervous wreck and cried for the duration of the championship game. But the intensity of the memory had faded with time, replaced by so many more good ones.

“I’m always here for you, you know that Rey? Me and your da-Kes,” she stumbled, “are gonna be home a lot more from now on. You can always talk to me, okay?” 

“Thanks, Mom,” Rey responded, testing the word on her lips for the first time out loud in Shara’s presence. “I’m glad I’ll get to spend more time with you and Dad.”

“Oh, baby,” Shara welled up and pulled Rey in for a giant, breath-stealing hug. Though Rey would never stop missing her birth parents, once she realized the infinite capacity of her heart and how much she’d proven she was willing to give in return, Rey vowed to herself to never miss another opportunity to let herself be loved again. 

💋💋💋

As supportive as she was of Rey and Ben’s burgeoning romance, Shara still insisted that she leave her bedroom door open at all times. Luckily for Rey and Ben, they’d learned the hard way how to stay quiet–and make each other come very quickly.

“You’re such a bad girl, letting me fuck you with the door open like this,” he whispered in her ear with shaky breaths, his hand firm over her mouth as he pushed in so deep, rolling his hips torturously slowly to avoid making the bed frame squeak. 

She blinked up at him, holding back her whimpers and whines with every ounce of effort, channeling the physical energy into clenching down on him as hard as she could. It drove him wild.

“Does Santa know how naughty you are? Gonna open your presents under the tree on Christmas morning, dripping my cum?”

It was then that her eyes rolled back, and her whole body shook, securely nestled beneath his big, sexy Hot Pocket body as he filled her to the brim, whispering I love yous and promises of forever.

Even though they always finished in record time, Poe still hadn’t stopped sending Ben IBS articles to fuck with him. Ben’s phone would always ding and give them both a heart attack just as he attempted to tiptoe out of her room.

💋💋💋

Shara and Kes made good on their promise to travel less, this time, taking Rey with them to visit Poe at Princeton and help Finn cheer him on at his championship. 

As promised, Ben gifted Rey all of his old high school lacrosse t-shirts and a few of his college ones, too. She’d pulled the Solo jersey out of the back of her closet to show it to him, and he’d immediately made her put it on and taken her to the bathroom to eat her out while wearing it. 

She wore it to every single one of his games from then on, which she usually attended with Han and Leia, who’d become quite sweet on each other after reconciling. They all proudly screamed for him while holding big sparkly posters over their heads. Han was particularly smitten with Rey and always took her side in any argument involving all matters of car engines and board games. Leia loved to tell her embarrassing stories about his childhood, always having a stack of photo albums available for Rey to enjoy on the way to the stadium.

💋💋💋

Rey enrolled in Chandrila State Ben’s Junior year with a promise ring on her finger and immediately became the founding president of the Mechanic Club. They married the summer after she graduated because they couldn’t wait one moment longer to be each other’s last. Poe and Kes walked her down the aisle together, and Ben cried more than she did. 

Ben eventually took over the family business, focusing on the car dealership side, while Rey took over the auto shops. They never fought over money like his parents or felt the need to travel as much as the Damerons did. They sometimes fought, of course, like when Rey would hold back what was bothering her so as not to be a burden, or Ben was too nervous to say something that might hurt her feelings, even if it was necessary to tell the truth. But they worked on it. A lot. 

And they made the most beautiful babies. Watching her own children grow up, she remembered that little kid needing protection, who felt like a burden that had to make herself small, quiet, and easy to manage. Along with the memory of her loving parents and the support of her friends, found family, and the love of her life, Rey had learned how to be fierce. She never again hesitated to go after what she wanted. But she wasn’t selfish about it either. What she’d gone through with her brother, and Ben taught her that she was equally willing to put others first and find a balance between the two. 

Love never felt like a sacrifice because every time she put love out, it came back to her tenfold. 

And to no one’s surprise, Rey Marie Niima and Benjamin Sex God Solo lived happily ever after. 

💋💋💋

*80 years from now*

In a quaint graveyard in the green foothills of Chandrila, in the Solo plot, there is a double tombstone, lovingly engraved with two, three-letter names and a touching short poem, or perhaps a snippet of a wedding vow. 

You were the first.

You were the last.

You were my everything.