Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The box turtle fell to his knees. Grief shaking his shoulders and a pastel explosion lit up the dark sky.

Humans would look at it with hope. The nightmare was over.
For them it was.

For Mikey it had just started.

For his brothers it had just begun.

For his whole family the world was falling down.

His brother was gone. How was he supposed to get over that?

Just this week they were laughing and joking just the four of them. Like they normally do.

Now it was just three. They were never meant to be three. Just four.

The turtle’s vision was blurry as he looked at the fading beautiful explosion fading. “You promised,” He croaked weakly. Sobs racked his small body. “You promised!” He yelled at where his brother last stood.

“Hey Mikester,” The blue brother peaked in his orange brother’s subway cart. “Today was ruff, uh?”

The ‘Mikester’ rub his eyes quickly, “Y-yeah it was, Leo”

Leo smiled softly at the younger turtle. “What’s up?” Mikey went up to open his beak but his brother poked him in his side, “And don’t you say the sky or a ‘buttload of humans’ that’s my line and you know it!”

Mikey let out a wet laugh, and the other’s smile feel, “Seriously what’s wrong?”

“I-I-I” Mikey struggled, he was normally good with feelings but he was overwhelmed. It was Leo though and he always knew how comfortable the orange one.

Heh. Funny isn’t it? Orange and blue? There complementary colors they work better together. One without the out would be a bland picture.

Leo rubbed Mikey’s shell when pulling the other close, “Today was scary. Uh, Angelo?”

Mikey let out a sob as he nodded in Leo’s shoulder, “Y-yeah.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“N-no.”

“Okay.” Leo didn’t press, “Wanna sit here?”

“Yeah.”

So they did and they stayed like that until who knows how long. Each turtle soaking up the comfort the other provided.

“We could have died.” Mikey muttered weakly looking up at the blue masked turtle as a tear leaked down his soaked face.

Leo gave him a wet smile, “Yeah?”

“The Shredder wanted to kill us!” Mikey’s shoulder’s shock, “He wanted us dead! What if we died? What if I died? What if you died? What if-”

Mikey’s thought halted and a hand on his face wiped away his tears, “I’m not gonna lie.” Leo started, “We could have died, but what would happen if we didn’t fight the shredder?” Leo never treated him like a baby, unlike Raph. He didn’t sugarcoat the hard truths.

He does make promises he can’t keep.

“He would have won.” Mikey said with a sniffle.

“And then where would we be?”

“Dead…”

“Yeah! DEAD!” Leo waved his arms around to lighted up the mood, “Along with the hole yokai population!”

Mikey let out a wet snort at Leo’s drama.

“What would the world do if I wasn’t in it?”

“Probably be better off.”

“HEY!” Leo put a hand over his chest. “I’m wounded Mikey!”

Mikey giggled and tried to get away from Leo’s finger attack to his ribs. Leo rapped him up in a hug, and place his head on top of Mikey with a soft hum.

“But for real. None of us will die on my watch and definitely not on Raph’s”

Mikey ducks his head, not that much comforted but Leo’s statement.

“Hey look at me Mikester,” Leo said turning Mikey’s head towards him gentle, but his eye’s wander away from the striped turtle blue and brown eye. “Look at me in the eye, bud.” Mikey stubbornly stared at anything but him.

“Please.”

It was so soft and quite Mikey’s eye’s snapped to his most reckless brother.

“Is there more to this?”

“Yeah. ‘Bout you.”

Leo let out a small hum encouraging him to keep going.

“I don’t want you to die.”

“Me? What about Donnie or Raph?”

“Raph would probably protect us and it would be his fault because he baby’s us.”

“We would be broken though.”

“Yeah…”

“And the DonTron?” He poked the younger one.

“He would died by a expulsion in his lab or something but he would have a way to put his brain in a computer and have multiple copies just in case one gets destroyed.”

“Sounds about right.”

“But we would be permanently broken if you died.”

“The glue of the team would still be there though.” Blue said elbowing Orange.

“But you're the glue that holds me together, and you always know when something’s wrong.”

“I’m just good at reading people!”

Mikey shrugged helplessly. “You also my favorite so I’m a little biased,'' the orange one admitted in a mumble.

Of course, Leo picked up on it, “So I am your favorite!”

“What?”

“Me and Donnie had a bet going.”

Sounds about right.

Leo looked down at his sibling with a smile and spoke in a soft hushed tone that was so unlike Leo, “Death is a friend we can’t stop ourselves from meeting. People can try to stop or make their lives longer, other accept their fate to soon.”

“Me and our brothers won’t die in battle, maybe it will be in our sleep when we are old or one of us will finally give Raph a heart attack, and lack of sleep gets to Donnie, (maybe too much caffeine). Then you die of lack of nutrition because you only want to eat pizza. I die because I portal to the wrong place at the wrong time.”

Mikey hit his brother hard in his arm.

Leo yelped, “Okay! Okay, no more death jokes!” Mikey started to think Leo had an interval timer going off in his head.

Leo sighed dramatically, “What I’m trying to say is we’re too stubborn to died in battle and the shredder didn’t stand a chance after we got our mystic mojo back!”

“What if there’s someone we can’t face?”

“We face them anyway! If not us nobody would do it, but if we do it people already know we defeated the Shredder so we could use that on our job applications to try to get some back up you know?”

Mikey nodded mutely with a small smile on his face, “I’ll get to decorate it so it catches the eye with my razzmatazz?”

“Obviously!”

They state there is a natural silence setting over the two. One of them wasn’t quite finished talking though. They seemed like they never were.

“I won’t die on you, because I’ll have my brother’s back me up, okay? And if I’m in a fight that I can’t win on my own I’ll call for backup.” Leo reassured the ‘big man’. “ I’ll at least see you’re 18 birthday AND your 21st so we can get drunk together!”

“You promise?”

“I promise and swear on Karai that I will live to your 21 birthday. In top condition so we can get drunk together and Raph won’t be able to get in mother hen because we’re 21 well I would be 22 but those are just numbers!”

Mikey laughed, not a wet one from before but a real laugh, “Donnie would kill you if he heard you say ‘just numbers’!”

Mikey yelled up to the sky hoping Leo could hear him, “You PROMISE me!” He wanted Leo back. He didn’t want him to die.

He needs to get out of that portal.

And Mikey was gonna make it out of the prison dimension even if it was the last thing he did.

Mikey stood up tall and raised his hand up straight in front of him and he begged for the Hamoto’s to help him out here because he really didn’t know what to do.

But Mikey just pushed all of himself into the portal, all his mystic energy and his mind was consumed with the thought of creating a portal to get Leo back.

He felt a spark in his fingertips.

He saw the spark in front of him.

Felt felt more the same time he saw it.

He was doing it! He was going to save Leo!

He heard his brothers gasp beside him and felt their hands on his shoulder and he spared a glance up at them.

Raph was determined, a rock unmovable.

Donnie’s eyes had hope, a leaf fluttering in the wind but refusing to fall.

Mikey’s face was one of pain and grief, but relentless anyways. Like an ocean beating against hard stone.

The portal opened.
Raph first saw what was on the other side and collapsed the stone shatter after one to many beatings.

Mike next saw and refused to believe it for one second the ocean was still at high tide.

Donnie’s hope flicker out of his eyes and tears start to come again, the leaf falling out of the wind.

Leo’s limp broken and bruised body floating in the low gravity of the prison dimension.

“Grab him,” Mikey said weakly, he was able to hold the portal open much longer than the pain in his arms.

He also saw something moving in the shadows..

“His gone Mikey.” Raph said cold and final.

“No he’s not! Someone grab him!”

The red of the Kraang's eye stared at him from a millisecond of a moment and he charged towards the portal.

Mikey gasped as he stumbled backwards, the portal blinking out of existence.

The ocean was a low tide giving up the fight.

There was nothing to fight for.

“He promised”

Raph broke at the sight of his littlest brother whispering quietly over and over and over again. ‘He promised’

A broken sob racked through the red snapper’s throat. He couldn’t protect him.

The soft shell started at where the portal was. He's only half a shell. The other half locked away to die.

Chapter Text

Mikey didn’t want to celebrate.

It wouldn’t be a celebration without a brother telling him he was getting wrinkles or gray scales. A blue turtle teasing Mikey that he was never going to get taller than him. That he was going to be stuck the shortest.

He didn’t want to turn fifteen, he wanted to stay fourteen and have three brothers. Not two.

He didn’t want a cake.

He wanted his brother in blue. The so-called, ‘Face man’. The ‘Prettiest one’.

His brother that promised they would get drunk together, and the one that let him paint on his shell.

“As long as it’s blue!” Leo yelled at Mikey as he ran off to grab his paints.

“Sure!” Mikey yelled back, playing on what to draw. Maybe some blue flower with green and a little red. And some orange obviously.

Mikey put his head on his knees and he stared at a picture of Leo. His troublemaker has a smile on his face. Brown and blue eyes are bright and playful.

They could read your every move and thought but you would never know that.

But the eyes Mikey would never see soften again and the smile never lit up a room.

Never felt the hand rub his shell in a comforting manner.

He wouldn’t hear his older brother teasingly scold him that the last piece of pizza was for him.

He’d never get tea from his slider brother when he woke up in the middle of the night.

No one to sing Taylor Swift with.

No one could read him better than himself.

He was a dull painting that there was on one to brighten up. To make silly jokes with.

He looked at the picture he drew which lined his walls. Leo’s soft eye’s show back at him in some. There had him laughing, smiling, mouth open like he was going to make a joke.

He couldn’t draw them anymore.

Because of a failed attempt.

That it cost everything.

His brother was gone, and there was no going back.

Raph had asked him what he wanted for his birthday. He had told him He wanted Leo back.

Donnie had been there and he raced toward Mikey with a hug. Mikey was shocked because that was the first time since Leo’s death that he touched someone.

They had cried openly and held each other, as if they were trying to keep the other from falling apart.

Raph had joined them. He was shaking so badly.

The hug was nothing like the strong ones he used to give.

He was scared of hurting them. Mikey knew that easily.

None of them were fine.

None of them even touch Leo’s room for a month after he passed. (Mikey didn’t want to think he was dead. Leo was too stubborn to die.) They started going in there to remember him. They made a little morale for him right outside his subway cart.

They didn’t want to mess with his cart. It would make it feel final.

Maybe they could finally heal if they clean it up, but Mikey could make himself. He spray painted the wall parallel to Run of the mill black with a sword and Leo’s name. A white sharp lighting bolt behind it.

Mikey wanted to make it for his brother.

In the corner Casey wrote ‘for the fallen’.

It wasn’t just for Leo.

It was for the people who fell in the bad future too. For Casey’s mom. His April. His turtles.

The sword had Leo’s reflection painted in it. He looked older in it.

Though he had the same twinkle in his eye.

Casey had to help him out with it.

Some places weren't perfect, some places were better than others.

But no one had painted over it and that was a first.

Random people even left flowers. Most of them were blue. It matched the theme.

Leo would have loved it. He would have let it grow his ego.

He saw Señor Hueso at the painting the most. It almost made him cry the first time the skeleton saw it because he realized they forgot to tell him what happened.

That his most loyal consumer wasn’t ever going to step foot in his restaurant again.

Señor Hueso brought a son Mikey never knew he had, which had made him cry. He apologized to the yokai privately that they had forgotten to tell him the news.

Señor Hueso had gathered Mikey in a bone crushing hug.

“I understand Michelangelo. You are grieving.”

“You are too and you’re still running a restaurant.” Mikey said as tears started running down his face.

The skeleton laughed bitterly, “It keeps me busy.”

The skeleton started to walk, gesturing for Mikey to follow, “I was wondering why wasn’t the turtle who came at least twice a week was not coming. I thought maybe Pepino was hurt from the Kraang, but your graffiti made my worries disappear. So thank you.”

Mikey felt helpless, “I had to do something for him.”

“I also did.”

Mikey looked up at Señor Hueso.

How could a skeleton’s face look so sad but so proud. How could it have emotions at all? His face was made of bones?

“I thought he deserved this.” Señor Hueso shows him a large picture of a Leo with a white bunny yokai. The bunny was obviously a waiter, as he was setting down a pizza on the table Leo was sitting on. Both of them weren't aware of the picture being taken.

Leo looked like he was saying something dumb. The waiter was in the middle of rolling his eyes with a fond smile.

It was noticeable that it wasn’t their first meeting.

Mikey read the description at the bottom of the photo. Leonard ‘Leo’ Hamoto

“Leo would like that you finally put his picture up on the wall of champions.”

“Probably make a joke or two about just having to die to get it.”

They brought a wet laugh out of both of them.

“If you are your brother, just call,” Señor Hueso said, handing Mikey a slip of paper with his phone number. (Leo was the only one who was trusted with it.) “Even if it’s just to talk.”

Mikey nodded at him, finally understanding why Leo liked the Yokai so much.

Mikey shook off the memory. Maybe he would visit the skeleton later today. It had been a while anyways.

Mikey stood up seeking the comfort he got from Leo’s room.

Mikey agmured from his subway car, to see Raph pacing around in front of his car.

“Oh!,” Raph started just noticing Mikey was standing there. “I was wondering when you would wake up.”

Mikey watched Raph fiddle with his fingers unsure of what to say.

“Just-” the box turtle started. “Just thinking about Leo. You know?”

Mikey saw something in Raph brake, “Y-yeah. Yeah, I- me too, big man. It’s hard today, uh?”

Mikey nodded mutely, leaning into Raph.

“I-I was gonna g-go to Leo’s room.”

“Yeah?”

“And then maybe go to Señor Hueso place.”

“Cool.”

Mikey’s voice wavered, “M-Maybe you and Donnie could come with?”

“If I can get Donnie out of his lab.”

Leo ways could, without fail. ‘Twin privileges,’ Leo would call them.

“Cool, awesome, amazing.” Mikey said point in the direction of Leo’s room, “I’m gonna start heading that way now.”

“Mind if I join you later?” Raph asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, that would be great.” Mikey didn’t want to celebrate but that didn’t mean he wanted to be alone.

Raph nodded to the smaller turtle and started walking to the living room, “Uh, actually I’m going to turn on some Jupiter Jim if you feel like joining me.”

“I’ll keep it in mind.” Mikey told Raph with the first real smile of the day.

Mikey already knew he wasn’t going close to the living room. It was going to be Leo’s favorite movie and Mikey wouldn’t be able to handle that. Not today.

Mikey opened the missing turtle’s room, to be hit by its familiar smell. Leo’s favorite scent, lavender.

It’s supposed to be calming.

It just made Mikey sad now.

Mikey turned on the gentle pixy lights Leo had up for the longest time. Mikey sat down on the bed sinking into the bed covers.

He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

He took in the room letting each and every detail soak into his mind.

The texture of the blankets. The pictures on the walls, colors, smell, comic books haphazardly laid on surfaces.

“Hey Leo…” Mikey started. He felt weird taking out loud to the air, like if his brother was supposed to be there.

The thing was, he was supposed to be there. Not suck with the Kraang.

“I turned fifteen to- '' Mikey choked on his words and his vision blurred a little, as his eyes stung. “You know. Someone painted a new Leonardo moral in the Hidden City. I don’t know who did it. Might have been Those kids you babysat once.”

It hurt at first to know that Leo had a life outside of his siblings but than Mikey realized it made sense. Mikey does graffiti to get way Leo made friends in the Hidden City.

How had they not known about it?

“What was the girl’s name? Hana?” Mikey thought that was the cat yokia’s name.

“I gave her tips once. She did a double take. Though I was you for a second. She was so happy.”

“I would be too if you were back.”

The red and orange cat yokai spun around so fast at the sound of Mikey’s voice. She could have gotten whiplash. She squited at Mikey.

“Leo?” The yokai said with excitement and uncertainty.

Mikey's throat closed up. He just wanted to give her a tip not to be mistaken for his brother in blue.

“N-no.”

The yokai sank at that. “Oh”

“How do you know him?” Mikey asked curisouly.

“Babysat me and my siblings with my brother, Usagi.” She explained, “You?”

“My brother.” Mikey added helplessly, “He’s my brother.”

“He did say he has four siblings.”

“Yeah. Me, Donnie, Raph, and April.” Mikey looked at her graffiti. Some of the lines were shaky but it was pretty good in Mikey’s opinion. The shakiness was just part of the style.

“Do you know why Leo stopped showing up? There was a rumor that he got injured badly and Usagi won’t tell me. I think he doesn’t know.”

“He’s not injured.”

“Did I scare him off?” The yokai said jokingly.

“No.” Mikey choked out, “He-he.”

“He trapped himself with the Kraang.”

The yokai’s legs staggered at the weight of this information.

“What?” She gasped at Mikey under the strain to keep herself balanced.

That’s what Mikey felt like without Leo. A fish out of water.

“He-yeah.” Mikey pointed upwards past the bottom of New York, and up to the sky where it held his brother prisoner.

Mikey felt the tears and frustration rising, “He didn’t even try anything different, and I wasn’t strong enough to get him out!”

Hana’s legs finally crashed out from under her. She stared blankly at the unfinished graffited wall.

It was a swirl of colors. A world wind of emotions.

The dam in Mikey broke as he too went crashing to the floor of the ally.

The cat yokai hugged the turtle mutant tightly. “That idiot,” she hissed with no heat in her voice.

Mikey sob through his tears. “That idiot,” he agreed.

“That sweet, kind, stupid, one of a kind idiot!” Mikey sobbed.

The younger one wept openly with Mikey.

The two didn’t care if they were crying in a random alley and getting weird looks. It’s New York, people have seen weirder. They cried until their tears were gone and they could cry no more.

“I’m Hana,” Hana informed him as she wiped her wet furry cheeks.

“Mikey.”

“I told her what happened. We had a good cry in an alleyway.” Mikey laughed dryly. “People might have thought we were drunk but I reserved my first hangover with you.”

“Remember? I sure do.”

Mikey looked at the room soaking every detail once again, “I miss you like crazy.”

“I wish you were here. It would be so much easier.”

“I’m still holding you to that promise, by the way”

Chapter Text

Leo floated aimlessly in the dim word around him. He didn’t know how long he was here.

Could be a week, a day.

A year, a month.

Time was different. His wounds never healed or got worse. He never died, even if he should.

What time was it at home? A minute, a second? Had the importation of what he did even sunk in yet.

Had they tried to get him back? Were they just too broken to even think of it? If they did, did they fail? Are they still trying?

Were they happy he was gone?

Stop that! Leo chided him, as the thought echoed around his mind.

Leo counted his breathing. One, two, three, four… Inhale through the noise. Four, three, two, one.

The Krang was home here, coming whenever it wanted, wherever. Leo could be hiding in a crack only to see the bright red eye of the Kraang mech staring into him.

Leo wanted to say that it had a tracker on him. He was the best at hide and seek.

The Krang was just a better seeker.

Leo breathed through his nose and out his mouth.

Ow.

That was definitely a new one.

Leo curled in on his aching ribs. The pain would dull when he finally got used to it.

The lonely turtle glanced at the bloodied photo of his family. He let out another breath.

You did this. You doomed another timeline. Do you really think you don’t deserve this? I deserve this! I let my ego get in the way. My need to prove something. But what did you even prove?

Leo shut his eyes tightly trying to quiet his thoughts.

One, two, three, four.

Hold,

One, two, three, four.

Leo creaked his eyes open. His eyes scanned the dull and gray dimension. He didn’t see any movement from his position in the air.

Leo squeezed the photo before putting it in his pocket.

Survive for them.

Don’t give up. Don’t let him win.

Have hope.

One. Two. Three.

Don’t forget them. Never forget Mikey’s smile, Donnie’s hidden emotions, and Raph’s hugs.

Four.

Hold.

Exhale slowly.

Remember the promises you’ve made. You've got to keep them.

Leo took a deep breath. He’s got this. Leon’s gonna do this.

At least that’s what he’s been telling himself every day.

But that’s why hope is a ninja’s greatest weapon, not doubt.

Doubt you to the grave in the prison dimension.

That’s why Leo tried not to doubt.

Leo grabbed on to the nearest solid thing he could reach, which happened to be a giant Krang mech.

He shivered. He’d hate to see that thing in action any time soon.

You did, in a different timeline you were doomed in, and it was all your fault. The thought seemed to sing itself in Leo’s head.

Echoing.

Not letting him go.

Like the Krang when he wanted to use Leo like a bouncy ball and was disappointed that he didn’t bounce.

And this is why Leo always had music pumping in his ears.

Hold.

Inhale.

Two, Four, Six, Eight.

Leo climbed up the dead Krang mech and climbed up where the giant eye had slid slightly out of place and climbed happily in.

Leo tried to feel his ninpo.

Ah. There it is.

It burned. It wanted to be used, but Leo had yet to find a sword or something that he could use to turn into a sword.

He spread his ninpo out. Maybe he could reach his sibling.

They were always better at this than him.

They unlocked it before him. Natural talent in it.

Please, please, please.

If there’s any gods watching him, please let this work!

Leo let out a gasp as his ninpo felt something.

It wasn’t his sibling but it was someone else. Not the Krang but…

Someone else.

Someone else was here too.

He wasn’t alone in here.

He might get out.

For the first time in forever there was a hope in the blue masked turtle’s eyes. The twinkle in his eye was a back.

Leo slipped out of his hidey hole.

He was planning on getting some sleep but his mind was too awake now.

It was like he could see the way to the unknown person or thing. It was a thin trail of indigo. It was a mix between his and Donnie’s colors.

Leo pushed his ninpo further down the line.

The other person reached back. They were curious.

They also wanted to know how another person came into this dimension.

The invisible line pulsed stronger as Leo pushed himself off the krang mech, launching himself at another.

The turtle trailed after the tread of color in the dull world.

Leo was going to find whoever that was, and that Krang better watch out.

Because the ninja’s got his best weapon back!

A smile slipped on to the slider's face. This is going to be fun.

Bounce:

Donnie was pulling all night.

Yeah, yeah, sleep was important. Shut up, inner voice.

It sounded like Leo but Donnie wasn’t going to dwell on that. Nope, nope, nope. They were staying clear away from that unwanted topic that their mind was sure to dwell on.

It was a rabbit hole they did not want to dwell in.

Never ever. Not over their dead body.

Donnie held their breath, frustration slipping through their every scale.

That idiot, that dumdum.

Stupid, suicidal, secretive twin!

Donnie let out a hiss, as air leaked, throwing their grinding teeth.

They looked at the blue print at their fingertips.

They glared at it like it had offended them.

In Donnie’s perspective it had. They couldn’t figure out that stupid piece of metal. Sweet Galileo! They wanted to commit a crime!

It was so simple! Their twin figured it out Mikey did it! At this rate Raph was going to do it before them.

It was just a BORING PORTAL!!

Deep breaths Donatello.

You can plan a murder later.

Donnie let out a muffled scream into his hands. It was long and unrestrained.

Ahhhhh.

He felt better already.

Thank pizza supreme for a sound proof lab.

What Donnie is building is not a normal portal.

A portal, yes. A boring regular portal, no.

Who did you think he was, Draxum?

Magic could do that. Why reinvent the wheel? (Because it’s tech and more reliable than magic that's why. But that's a different topic)

This was an inter-dimensional portal to rescue their dum dum of a brother. Who, like an idiot trapped himself in a DIFFERENT dimension with an ALIEN, wanted to take over the world.

Because he was a ‘gift.’

(A gift from hell)

Once Donnie got their brother back they were going to kill him.

Donnie’s already got sixty two ways to do it. It ranged from the most gory to the cleanest. (They would do painless to painful, but it’s not like people rated their deaths. People need to rate the deaths on Yelp.)

Leo was going to be in big trouble when Donnie’s plan was finally put into action.

Donnie took a swig of coffee- or what was supposed to be coffee. They glared at his empty mug.

They could have sworn there was some left over. Donnie couldn’t of drunken it all already.

Eh, it was 2 am. He probably did.

Donnie sighed they were going to walk all the way to the kitchen to get more.

Donnie grumbled as they pushed their chairs back as they stood up.

They were going to get a coffee maker in their lab soon. Then they wouldn’t actually have to walk all the way to the kitchen.

“Groan,” Donnie said as they finally made it to the kitchen. At least Raph didn’t hide the caffeine. Donnie might have finally killed someone if that happened.

They did always have their secret stashes hidden around the lair just in case.

Donnie poured theirself their freshly made coffee into their mug and leaned at the counters letting out a sign of sweet bliss as they felt the heat from the coffee leak into their weary bones.

They should really go to bed.

Rest is for the weak.

And Donatello was not weak.

Donnie pushed himself from the counter, took a sip from heaven(their coffee), and started the long hike back to their lab.

No, they were not being dramatic. It was honestly a long walk!

Like what the heck, fam? Why is their lab on the whole other side of the lair? They need their midnight coffey! Don’t make them walk that far!

Mikey’s room was right next to the kitchen!

That made sense since he was the chief of the family.

Raph was the second closest!

That meant he was by the dojo.

Then it was Leo’s room!

Donnie doesn’t want to think about Leo.

It’s too early for that can of worms. They also don’t believe in the phrase early bird gets the worm.

But the point of this tangent is that, yes, it makes sense that their brothers are closer to the kitchen than them, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t make a big deal about it.

They can be petty, thank you very much.

Well anyone can be petty… Besides Mikey he-

Donnie’s thoughts screech to a halt. The mud in his hands crashed to the floor.

What?

There is no why on planet earth.

He wasn’t messing with planets, he was messing with inter-dimensional travel.

There are no books, scrolls in Draxum’s library. There were no scientific rules made yet. Or ones that had info and data collected to back it up.

No one had done it before.

Not to this level before.

This wasn’t like the twilight zone where you could just magic your why in.

Magic wouldn’t work, without using the key.

That was out of the question.

They were going in blind.

This could be something very, very(that’s two verys) possible.

“Donnie?”

Their heads snapped as they heard their older brother’s tired voice.

“What happened?” His voice was slurred with sleep.

Donnie was the only one who felt it.

They were the only ones awake.

Donnie stared owlishly at Raph.

“I was right.”

It was Raph’s turn to stare at him. “I don't understand?”

Donnie only could stare at him as another wave of blue washed over the red and purple turtles.

Raph’s eyes grew huge and alert. “What?” Raph whispered quietly.

He shook like a life in the storm.

“I left Leo in there…” Raph said broken and miserable.

Donnie panicked inwardly, their brother was crying. Oh sweet Athena, please have mercy on them.

Donnie placed a hand on Raph’s shoulder, and their brother’s teary eyes stared back up at them. “Fear not my oldest brother,” Donnie spoke with confidence, “For we will get out dum dum, of a brother back from the foul dimension that cages him!”

Raph blinks at Donnie confused.

Donnie blinked back, “Sigh.” They used too many words trying to be dramatic. Curse their colossal vocabulary and their need to be dramatic.

“Where going to get Leo back,” Donnie simplified for their red masked- normal wearing a red masked turtle.

Raph snorted, “Why didn’t you just say that?”

Because they need to be dramatic.

“Because the author wanted a higher word count, scoff.”

Raph blinked confused at them.

Donnie threw their hands up, “It’s a joke!”

“Haha…ha” Raph tried to amend.

Donnie glared at their brother, “Too late now, big brother.”

Chapter Text

Raph was picking at his food. He could feel his ‘Raph casom’ in between his eyebrows. He poked and prodded his omelet in front of him and his mouth twisted into a frown.

If you knew him you’d know that’s the face he makes when deep in thought but thinking nothing at all.

Mikey let out a sigh, his shaking arms crossed over his chest, “If you wanted your eggs scramble you should have told me.”

Raph let out a surprised yelp. He forgot he was in the room with him again.

“Scrambled eggs are easier to do than omelets, you know,” Mikey teased his older brother.

“Mikey,” Raph’s voice soft and sad, “If your hands are hurting you don’t have to make breakfast.” Raph place in fork down on the island. “We can figure something else out.”

The teasing part went right over his head. He just dived right into mother henning mode.

Mikey should have know. Raph always mother hens when he’s stressed out.

He’s totally a mom.

Mikey blinked at him. He could hear the universe laughing at him. Dang it and he poor word choice.

“You don’t have to cook dinner or lunch either! We could get take out!”

Raph was going on and on.

“What!” Mikey suddenly exploded. “My hand doesn't hurt there, just shaky, Raph!” Mikey just wanted to see if Raph would spill what was obviously having a mile away.

Mikey waved his arms in the air, “I’m just being silly! You were thinking of something and I wanted to know what it was.” Mikey's eyes were wide. Raph was really hung up on whatever he was thinking of.

“Are you sure they don’t hurt? Donnie’s got some stuff I’m sure we could ask them-”

“RAPH” Mikey hollered, cutting him off. This is unnecessary!

Mikey dragged his hand down his face. Just be honest here, Mikey, the box turtle told himself, no more teasing. It seemed like something all the brothers struggled with. “I just what to know what your thinking out.”

“Oh, Raph is thinking about anything.” Raph said as his face looked as if he was being scolded.

Liar.

They were all horrible liars.

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

They don’t wear pants.

SHUT IT SQUIRREL BRAIN!!!

Mikey raised an eyebrow ridge, “Okay, fine. What where you pondering about?”

Raph looked to the exit of the kitchen to see if he could make a run for it, and Mikey found himself moving to block his exit.

Mikey squared his shoulders and crossed his arms, scowling at Raph.

Raph frowned, and fiddled his hands together, “Raph can’t say. His lips are zipped up tight.”

“Why would that be? My dearest oldest brother?”

The Snapper made dead eye contact.

With the floor.

Mikey felt his eye twitch. Deep breaths.

“Does Donnie know?”

Raph stuttered out un-intelligent noise.

Bingo.

Mikey stiflingly turned out the door. Donnie does know and they will spill the beans. Mikey would make sure of that. With or without doctor delicate touch.

Mikey marched down to Donnie’s lab to find them waiting at the entrance.

Mikey faltered in his purposeful march and slowed down to an unsure walk.

Donnie watched Mikey from the entrance. “I watched the whole thing on the cameras.” They said with a shrug. They gesture Mikey into their sacred space.

Mikey followed his brother into the lab. “So you're going to tell me what Raph was thinking about that is so important he won’t tell me?” Mikey asked them.

Donnie turned towards their sibling, “I wasn’t sworn to secrecy.”

Mikey grins at the soft shell’s back as they began to type on their computer, and the lab doors close and the lights dim. Dramatic. “It was a recent development, and you should fairly enjoy it, and think about it non-stop also, ” Donnie warned.

Mikey was beyond curious now.

“Behold my plan.” Donnie said showing of a blue-print covered in a bunch of sticky notes.

“Can you summarize it?”

There was no way someone was getting Mikey to read that.

He read comic books not chapter books for a reason. He had a short attention span that’s why.

Donnie rolled their eyes, “Sigh.” Donnie eyed Mikey sizing him up. “How much do you want it to be? I can write a single sentence or a whole two hour story with pictures.”

Mikey really didn’t want to stand here for two hours, but the pictures were tempting. “A single sentence would be nice, please.”

“Leo’s alive and we are going to get him back.” Donnie said instantly no destination.

No doubt.

No fear.

No room to question the facts.

“What how?” Mikey asked, leaning towards Donnie.

“Yes. Finally, a captive audience.” Donnie said mentally praising themselves.

Mikey gritted his teeth. Get to the point!

Donnie cleared their throat. “Last night when you and Raph were sleeping I felt his ninpo.”

“How?”

Donnie shrugged. “He must have been reaching out to us.”

Mikey was confused, “Then why did he do it now inside of a mouth ago, or two?”

Donnie shrugged again, “There are multiple theories. One, time goes much, much slower in the prison dimension. Two, he could have been an idiot and not thought of it before. Three, he might have tried it before and this is the first successful attachment. There are some less likely ones that I won’t bore you with.”

Mikey was still hung up on the first one.

It apparently showed on his face. “What?” Donnie asked worried they messed something up.

Mikey looked into his purple siblings eyes, “If time could be really slow then does that mean time could be really fast in the prison dimension?”

Mikey wasn’t the smartest out of his family. Not even close but this seemed like a pretty obvious possibility.

Donnie looked sickened. That very thought had crossed the soft shell’s mind, “Yes it is a possibility. It is possible that Nardo was slowly building up his ninpo to be able to call us for years. He could be older than dad at this very point. We don’t know.”

Mikey’s face scrunched up into a frown, “He’s not old though right?”

Donnie looked sad at Mikey, “I’m not Raph and we all have trauma so I’m not going to soft this blow. It could have been years since last night.”

Something in Mikey broke. “But it hasn’t,” Mikey insteated.

It was something in between a demand to the universe and a question.

Donnie let out a sigh. A real one. He was exhausted. “I don’t know.”

Donnie hated not knowing things. They wanted to know how everything works.

Mikey turned his head towards the wall. “How is he still alive? How has the Krang not killed him yet?”

Donnie’s voice was deprived of any emotion when they answered. Touchy subject, Mikey made a mental note. “I don’t know. It might have been a stroke of luck, or the Krang doesn’t want him dead.”

“Or he can’t die.”

Mikey's eyes grew wide. With fear, or horror? Was he grateful that his brother couldn’t die? Did he even understand the complications with that statement?

Did he still feel pain?

Is he in pain?

What sort of trauma does Leo get from being trapped in there for so long?

What if he wasn’t Leo they knew anymore?

He didn’t think any of them understood what was really going on in that terrible dimension.

“What?”

“The prison dimension wasn’t made for him. It was made for the Krang. It’s meant to be horrible from the Krang, not for us. It might be impossible to die there.”

“Leo in there.” Mikey said the obvious.

“Yeah.”

“What if he died when we brought him home?”

“You mean, what if he has fatal ingrues?”

“Yeah…”

“We’ll just have to deal with it when we get there.”

“But what if-”

“We are not going to save his shell, just to have him die on us.”

Donnie said it with no doubt in his voice.

Mikey was normally the positive one.

That was not the case right now. His mind was trapped in a whirl wind whipping faster and faster. Doubts pledged his mind. They sliced through his hope and faith with knives that were cover into the deadliest poison.

Mikey felt tears in his eyes, and a sob escaped his, closing off, throat.

Donnie’s eyes grew wide in panic. The only reason they knew to comfort their little brother was touch, and they were feeling the physical affection right now because of their running thoughts.

Then the only thing they could do was to use words to comfort him and Donnie wasn’t good at feelings! A rock could do better.

“How-” Mikey tried to wipe away his tears, to no success. “How can you be so positive?”

Donnie rapped Mikey up into a hug, and squeezed him tight, as if to pop the bad thoughts right out of their little brother’s mind.

Mikey let out a hiccup and then right away returned the hug to Donnie.

“Leo’s my twin.” Donnie mumbled to Mikey as he smashed his face into his head, “ He could be dead, but I’d still work on getting him out of the prison dimension until he got home.”

Donnie’s eyes turned to steel as he pulled out of the tight embrace, “but there’s a chance he’s still alive, so I’m going to fight for him till my lungs give out and my legs won’t take another step and my mind stops functioning completely.”

Mikey looked at his purple sibling and buried the doubts in his mind. “Okay,” he nodded with determination. He rocked back and forth on his heels, “Yeah. Let’s do this! Let’s bring Leo back home!”

Donnie smiled at their energetic orange brother, and stabbed his finger into his pastor . “That's right! The annoying blue brother might try to get away from his slightly less annoying brothers, and the funny brother, but we are stuck together whether he LIKES it or NOT!”

Mikey cheered and the two turtles marched out of the lab together to smack some sense into their overthinking big brother.

Chapter Text

Mikey stares at the wrappings on his trembling arms.

He failed. The moment he watched the portal close on his brother.

He failed the brother that never gave up on him. The brother that never failed him.

He failed to help the brother that always helped him.

He failed when he was to slow to recuse the brother who arrived just in time for him.

He failed to keep his brother out of the monster's grip. The brother who always fought off Mikey’s monster, his demons, his fears.

The box turtle hid his face in his knees on his cot as he sobbed, wishing for once in his life he could repay his blue-shelled brother.

He failed trying to pull his brother back home, to save him, to free him, to do something for him.

But he left him there.

Without anyone. He was alone. In a world without any color. Filled with dull, colorless grays.

Mikey’s world seemed dull without him. The last colors he saw were the bright pastels in the night sky.

Any other time Mikey would stand in awe of the artist that painted them there.

Pink mixes smoothly into green, and blue. It made the perfect contrast between the dark night sky. It made the destruction of the technodrome look peacefully, graceful. Like a colorful cloud, sowing spreading out into the sky.

It was beautiful, graceful even. Like putting a paint brush cover in paint into water just to see the colors swirl in the water before they disappear.

Disappear.

Just like Leo.

Lost.

Gone.

Lost can be found.

Gone.

Gone.

Out of reach. (Because he couldn’t reach far enough)

(Because he wasn’t good enough)

Gone.

Just at a snap of someone’s fingers.

Or a locked being turned.

Closing the door. Locking it. To be unopened forever. Closed. A door that could lead to the end of the world, but holds the brightest light that ever has, and will be in it.

It made the world gray. Black and white. Bleak. Bleached. Dull. Colorless Lifeless. Meaningless, cruel, heartbreaking, unfair, depressing, destroying, distraught, painful.

Because no one can reach the door.

No one can knock.

No one can embrace the person on the other side.

Love them. Care for them. Make sure they were okay. Or even to see, to make sure, they were still alive, still breathing, still fighting the cruel world.

Being a blinding light for all to look at.

But when you see the stars every night it’s just another star.

To see the light shining so bright you can see the colors around you every day? Your eyes will start to adjust. It won't be blinding after a while.

To have the light next to you? It never living your side? You’ll think it’s normal. You’ll never imagine a life without it.

But when the lights are gone. You can not see the colors around you. It’s hard to see.

You’ll realize things you’ve never seen before as you relive the memories as you beg for the world to give it back.

Even for a second so you can just say, thank you.

Mikey noticed things about Leo in videos he watched.

The tired look in his eyes after a fight with Raph.

How hard he screamed to be heard.

“I never wanted to be the leader!” Leo gritted between his teeth, breathing heavily. The fight left him.

Raph’s fists cliched and uncliched, “Well you are now.” His tone, final.

“Why? Because Dad said so?” Leo hissed venom leaking out between the words. He kept pushing, refusing to take no for an answer.

“Yeah. Because Pops said so.”

Leo looked into Raph’s eyes with burning hatred. Not at Raph thought. Never at his brothers.

“Why don’t I get a say? Why is his word the one we follow? What has he ever done for use?”

“Guess we both don’t get a say.” Raph couldn’t stop the words from exiting his mouth.

A hurt look flashed in Leo’s eye, he covered it up using a mask of anger, spun on his heel and left.

How hard they yelled over him. Drowning him out.

How he stared at his hands with hatred.

How after every failed mission Leo would look at Raph with hope in his eyes, silently begging. He was begging for the weight that suffocated him to be taken off of him.

He begged silently. He begged while screaming. While he was sobbing he begged and begged.

Leo would let his mask crumble just to not be a leader anymore.

Mikey can remember after one fight how Donnie went to their twin’s room to comfort him.

Mikey followed after a while. He wanted to comfort Leo too. His little brother senses where begging for it.

But he froze after picking up what they were saying.

“I feel like I’m a jerk.” Leo quietly admitted, in a watery voice.

Leo had been crying. Mikey’s heart broke farther for his older brother.

“Why?” Donnie asked, permitting for more information.

“I don’t want the weight of being the leader on me. To be the one making the plans. Your guys lives in my hands.” The red ear slider admitted. “And I’m just trying to shove it onto Raph. He’s already had to deal with it for as long as we can remember, because of dad’s addiction to the tv.”

Donnie let out a quiet hum. “Your an idiot.”

Leo let out a strangled noise, “Yeah, I know. It’s been made clear.”

Mikey shrived. He could feel the death glare Donnie was giving Leo.

“OW!”

And a hit to apparently.

“You are smart, kind, overthinking. Idiot.” Donnie corrected. “If we ended up dying during our adv enters one the surfaces, which the possibilities are surprisingly slim, it wouldn’t be your fault. Yes our lives are in your hands. They have always been. Every time you cover our 12, we hand you over to our lives.”

Leo let out a whimper, “Not helping Donnie.”

His voice was small and drained.

Mikey felt like he was intruding.

“It wasn’t suppose to. It was the honest truth.” Donnie respond. “You also didn’t let me finish. We all trust you-”

The blue masked turtle snorted. It was hard and self-loathing.

“Would you PLEASE STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!” Donnie yelled.

“Sorry, the volume I used was a little much for, as Mikey would say, the ‘mood’ we’re suppose to be in.”

“That okay.” Leo said.

Mikey could hear the failed smile from a mile way.

“No it’s not. Nothing about this is okay.” Donnie growled. “Dad should not have just sprigged this on to you and Raph.”

“Us. This affects you and Mikey too.”

Donnie took a deep death. Probably resits the urge to strangle Leo so he would just listen.

“Yes of course this affect me and Mikey but this could end up being a good thing!” They whispered shouted, “It has the possibilities.”

“How exactly. I’m going to get someone killed, or injured.”

“Oh and that’s so likely!” Donnie said, “That was sarcasm but the why.”

“I know.”

“Leo answer this question, when Raph was the leader did no one get injured?”

“Well-”

“YES or NO!”

“We-”

“LEO I SWEAR!”

“Yes we got hurt a few times.” Mikey was barely able to hear him.

“Some times?”

“A couple times.”

“Couple times?”

“Okay a lot of times. Are you happy?”

Donnie stayed quiet before answering, “Not in the sliest bit am I enjoying this moment.” They said.

“The point I’m trying to get across is that we got hurt a lot of times when Raph was leader! In the mouth and a half how many injures have we had? A splinter and a couple skinned knees. A splinter heals within a time span of ten minutes and it was obviously my fault. We weren’t even fighting, we where training! What were you supposed to do swing my bo staff for me to make sure it never breaks on me?”

Donnie let out a laugh, “The skinned knee was because Mikey was paying attention! Are you going to carry Mikey around like a little baby when ever where on patrol so he won’t miss a landing again?”

In Mikey’s defenses he saw a pizza pigeon.

“Leo! I’ll admit i don’t understand why you are so determined to bet yourself up over ever single little thing that goes wrong!” Donnie said it so passionately,

“Your the strategist! You’ve always have been! You’re so good at reading people! That why you knew what was up with Big Mama the first time we meet! You're the face man! The leader is the face!”

“The mission you actually plan to be successful ALWAYS are! I don’t know how you do it! The mission that we fail are because you want them to!” Donnie’s emotionless bad boy image was gone. The awe and love they felt for their brother was in their voice.

“It’s like you where made for this, and you might of been! We don’t know and we’ve never asked!”

“You’re a freaking perfectionist! We both are and I’ve got no idea how you can’t understand this simple message no matter how many times I try to say it! Your doing so well!”

“Raph doesn’t like it.” Leo said.

“He doesn’t hate it! It’s change! We’re half human! Most humans hate change. They’ve reached their max evolutionary stage! They aren’t made for change!”

“That’s why England attacked the United States of America when they wanted freedom. It’s CHANGE!”

“People seem pretty okay with change. Phones come out, new cars.” Leo said lamely.

“Those changes make things easier!” Donnie exclaimed.

“This change doesn’t make things easier. It makes it harder.”

Donnie must of realized his mistake, their voice grew soft, “Of course it doesn’t make things easier. Raph’s more worried. Change makes him worried. He shows he worried by yelling. He thinks it’s they only why you’ll listen to him.”

Mikey hear the shuffling of blankets.

“That doesn’t make it easier.” Leo whispered.

A sigh escaped Donnie. A really one. “No it doesn’t.” They agreed. “Change never is. It’s hard.”

“I don’t want to be leader, even if I’m good at it.” Leo whisper, “I don’t want to fight with Raph.”

“I think you’d enjoy being the leader if you and Raph did fight.” Donnie said.

“Maybe…” Leo said. “I doubt it though.”

“Do you still feel like a jerk?”

“Yeah. A little less though.”

“I guess I’ve got to take what I can get, huh?.”

Leo let out a hum.

Mikey ripped himself from the memory. Sobs ripped out of his throat.

Please, please. Come back. Mikey though desperately, as he hugged his violently shaking arms around his chest.

Please, please, please.

Mikey let out a small quiet, heartbreaking chirp leave his beak.

It was calling for the one that wouldn’t come.

The chirp was answered by a red brother that rushed in with a frantic look.

“Mikey!” The snapper yelled. “What? What happened? I heard- I!” Raph blinked and saw the tears on Mikey’s face, and the way his shoulder shuck with sorrow and grief.

“Mikey…” Raph whispered his face showed guilt.

Mikey let out a hiccup. “He’s gone. I left him there.”

He spoke no name, but Raph understood what he meant.

“No no no nonononono!” Raph said quickly. “It wasn’t your fault, Mikey. You didn’t leave him up there. I left him to face the Krang alone. It’s not your fault. If anything it was mine.”

Mikey’s whole body shivered with the memory of Leo begging for Casey to close the portal. It was too much like him begging not to be leader.

“It’s not your fault.” Mikey said, tugging his older brother into a hug.

“It’s not your fault either.” Raph said, as he wrapped his arms around Mikey.

Mikey buried his head into Raph's shoulder, “It’s the K-Alien-Jerk Face’s fault.”

Warm arms hide Mikey from the world. A broken, shattered laugh rumbled out of Raph. “Yeah. I-It is Alien-Jerk Face’s fault.”

Chapter Text

Raph was in the dojo. His hands wrapped as he threw punch after punch at the punching bag.

Not holding back.

All his strength put into every punch. Every kick.

Rage, hurt, and pain, was his fuel. It filled him, trying to drown him, clawing at his heart, dragging him into despair.

His teeth grinding together as he threw a kick.

The punching bag went swinging.

He ignored the smell of blood coming from his hands.

He had been at it for two hours, just throwing punches. Punch after punch.

The skin on his hands was raw, bleeding, but he didn’t care.

Leo would have cared.

In fact Leo would have hated this. Told Raph about the horrible self-care and how he was going to break his knuckles if he wasn’t careful.

Leo wasn’t here though, so he couldn’t say it.

Leo wasn’t here and who’s fault was it?

The protector’s.

Raph’s.

It was his job and he failed. He failed worse than when Mikey broke his arm in a fight against the Foot clan.

Worse than when Leo’s arm broke at the Repo Junk Yard when he fell off a stack of cars, and failed the landing.

Worse than when Donnie’s

He failed worse than he’d ever done before.

Because they weren’t just injured, one of his brothers died.

Leo died.

He was supposed to protect Leo.

The protector is supposed to protect. It’s in the name! But Raph failed, so someone died. They weren't just ‘a someone’. It was Leo the little brother that would blackmail and stitch them back up. Who became the medic to take a load off Raph.

A load that was just thrown on to Donnie, and Raph hated that Donnie had to do it. He would hate it if Mikey did it too. He hated when Leo and to stitch them up. He hated it. He would be okay if he did it.

He wanted to let his brothers be normal teens, even if he never got to.

Throw it on him. He won’t mind. He’s strong enough.

Leo saw through that, and didn’t let them do it.

Raph had so much relief at not having to stitch his brothers up. He was always in fear of making it worse.

He hated the relief he felt now.

He hated himself.

He steady the punching bag, and through a strong rage filled, self loathing punch.

Raph jumped off the technodrome, to save two of his brothers, but only to leave the other one to die.

Why did Leo just not portal them to safety and leave Raph up there. At least then Raph would be dead and not Leo.

The leader was dead, then so was the team.

Raph’s rage roared, clawing at his insides.

But Raph didn’t want the team. He wanted his siblings.

But Raph didn’t want the leader! He wanted his brother that never took things seriously and made jokes about everything. The brother that would get under his skin. He wanted the brother that would complain about everything that didn’t go his way.

He wanted that mischievous glint in the blue and brown eyes back. He wanted the brother that never said anything unkind to his brothers. That blue masked turtle that was the ‘Hype-Man’, railing them up. The one that said everything, anything, and even a little more, needed in a moment. Who broke the tension with a joke even if it annoyed the crap out of every one.

Raph’s anger turned into a boil.

His fist connected forcefully into the punching bag. Another fist fell into it.

His anger turned into a simmer.

Why did Leo have to go? Why did he have to leave?

Why did it break this family apart faster than the Raph would stitch it up. He would sow and sow and sow and yet…

Raph’s emotions cooled. Anger was just barely warm.

The sems just tore open.

Again.

And again.

Over and over and over, again.

Never stopping.

Each patch got ripped off to reveal a bigger tear than before.

The thread and patches were running out.

There was almost nothing left to keep going with.

His emotions turned to something else.

Warryness.

He was running on empty.

A sewing machine with no thread.

He was going to crack. Then he was going to split right down the middle. After that the weight he had been caring for as long as he can remember would fall down on him. He would shatter under the pressure.

He wasn’t meant to hold up the sky.

His heart wasn’t made to see his siblings cry.

His wonderful pure heart little, baby brother that could rap anyone around his finger. That cared for every insect, animal, plant you could think of.

He saw the sun in the darkest corners.

He had a light in his eye that put light into others. Kept them going.

But…

But the light wasn’t there when Raph saw him crying, it was gone. It left with Leo. Got locked up where all precious things go.

Raph missed the punching bag. Slamming a fist into the wall. Pain flared from his hand spreading to his arm, and he soaked up every last bit of it.

He felt like he deserved it.

Salty tears leaked out of his stoney face.

He was so mad. Why did this happen to his family?

Hadn’t they gone through enough?

Gram Gram died.

The Shredder destroyed their lair. The only home they had even known.

Donnie lost S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N.

All the pain they went through learning to grow up without a parent.

Watching the man meant to care for them, relax and watch television and eat until he was twice the size.

An argument would break out and instead of helping stop it and help mend the broken feelings like a father should, he would only yell.

Sometimes not even getting up.

Donnie had an explosion in the lab… Instead of rushing to make sure he was okay and giving him bandages on bruises and putting ointment on burns, Donnie got scolded. A smack on the head with a tail like a wip.

And a ‘how dare you interrupted my show! I will never know what will happen now!”

If Donnie knew it was going to explode he wouldn’t have let it explode.

If Mikey makes a ruckus trying to learn a new skating trick he would be punished just like Donnie.

If Leo got too passionate about the show he was watching or some sort of magic trick, a tail whip to the back of his head.

If Raph was too clumsy and notched something thing over, the same thing, with a disappointed smile.

And it stung like ice.

A kid wasn't meant to walk on glass when in their home.

Never in fear of being too loaded.

A kid wasn’t meant to take care of other kids.

The weight of the world wasn’t meant to be placed into their soft, delicate hands. It wasn’t meant to be placed on the weak shoulders of a child. They weren't supposed to age faster than they should with the sky placed on their shoulders.

They weren’t made to be Altas, the mighty Titan that held up the sky.

He had daughters.

What happened to them? Were they forced to take care of themselves too?

Altas was too busy holding up the sky.

Did Raph miss something about his brother when he was too busy holding up the sky to notice? Straining to do everything his brothers needed.

Often forgetting what he needed.

The weight was meant to be placed on the hard calloused hands of the parents or guardians. The sky was meant to be placed on the strong broad shoulders of the adluts.
The older protects the younger. The younger isn’t meant to protect the younger, because if they do then who will protect them?

Splinter

Yoshi Hamato, or Splinter, hated his rat form. It had robbed him of so many things, but it hadn’t robbed him of as many things as he had stolen from his sons.

He stole their childhood, their time, their bravery, their life.

He implanted fear into them. Made them scared of humans, made them scared of being too loud.

He made them scared of him. Self conscious when around him.

He caused them to feel anxiety.

He caused them pain, emotional and physical.

Caused his young, precious, baby blue to die.

He made them take care of an old rat man. Making his food, fixing the tv and remote, making them worry over him, making them have to beg for the simplest things.

He might have been old but he had no physical ailments dragging him down. Making it so he couldn’t do it himself.

It was an old wish and a memory. He could have let go. It would have been hard but it would have been worth it. What he would give to go back to change time. To have CJ’s chance. To raise his family, to actually be a father.

Maybe he could have changed his baby blue’s fate. Maybe it could have been him up there making the final play. Maybe he could have deserved his boys.

Why did he let go of the zeal he had when he rescued them from Barron Draxum. (maybe they would have been better off with him in the first place)

Why could he not let go of who he once was. Why could he not let go of something he couldn’t get back. Why did he let himself harm children by not doing anything?

He didn’t even try to change. He just let them live with a ‘hands off approach’

He just kept reliving it. Over and over and over again.

Watching his movies just to relive it. To feel whole.

It just made the hole bigger.

He thought of a different way to fix his problem, but it was just shoving it on his sons. Even if they didn’t know it.

Making them watch his old films, just for his own gain. His ego.

‘Training them’, more like making them reenact movies. His glory days. He was trying to live on through his sons. Make them become him. Little minny hims.

He wanted them to be ninjas but he couldn’t even make the time to spend with them to do so. After his show turned on he would be in his chair.

He was just watching and scoffing.

Making them give up their lives.

Splinter stood tall, or as tall as a barely three foot rat can, as his son was forced to live in a life they never should have had to. They didn’t know anything else.

He should have home schooled them. Purple shouldn’t have had to teach his brothers. Math, science, history.

He should have patched them up, not making Blue stitch his own brothers up. Blue knew too much about death. How a simple disease could end a life.

He should have comforted them. He should have forced Orange to be too smart for his own age.

He should have protected them. Red shouldn’t bear the scars Splinter should have to bear.

He thought it was cruel of the gods to turn him into a rat. He now thought it was quite fitting. He was cruel and horrible. He wasn't even a father.

No. He placed the weight of what he should have done on his eldest.

He was so proud of how responsible and grown up he was. How mature big red was. His little turtle was so grown up now.

His little red was forced into it. Was a child, and had a strong soul. But he was so, so tired.

A rightfully so.

So much more than Splinter.

His son, Rapheal deserved to rest.

All of them did.

He hurt them in ways he never should. Put weights on them that they never should carry, but they carry them and they never complain. Not once.

He wished they did, maybe then he would've realized what he was doing.

But they did complain sometimes.

But did he ever listen?

No. To suck up in his show.

To be glued to the screen.

Watching someone else's life. To pretend he wasn’t a rat. To lose himself on the screen, but he lost his boys.

His angels. His pure little turtles.

He didn’t know if he could hold them in his arms again. Didn’t know if he could be the father they needed. Splinter had already lost one son. His baby blue. He might be too late for his other three, but he would try now, like how he should have done when they were first mutated.

He thought they would have been able to handle it. With injuries, but he didn’t think they would die.

He never even considered if they died.

They were meant to be weapons. The fact always scared him, but they were meant to be weapons of war. They were made to be unstoppable.

And they were so far.

But at what cost?

One too high.

He would never sell his sons of the world. He wouldn’t give up his angles. He wanted to keep them close to him.

They were too good for him.

They were too good for the world. They were the kindest, sweetest, smartest, strongest people in the world. They weren’t weapons of war, they were weapons of peace.

They were his four angels.

But now there were only three and it was all his fault.

Chapter Text

Leo has never been the turtle that likes the silence, so when it gets to quiet he fills it with anything he can. Most the time it means talking, humming, singing, joking, beatboxing. Etc.

So no its not that he likes to hear himself talk its just that he hates the loudness of silence that much.

But there’s a slight problem with that. Leo’s in the prison dimension, where, if you didn’t know; silence is the only reason he’s still alive. If Leo even squeezes he’s turtle soup. Which would be fine if he was by himself.

Key word by himself not alone: two very different things. Leo was never alone. He might be by himself but his brothers where also a thirty second walk or call away.

And if he wanted some time away form his brothers he would just hang out with Señor Hueso. Who was a quick portal or run away.

But Leo’s family where not there, and he was the only sane person here, and he could hear his own heart beating.

Did he mention it was quite?

The quite still made his anxiety sky rocket, and constant anxiety is not a pleasant feeling.

Leo’s eyes where darting every which way, never staying still waiting for something-someone to pop out of the shadows, or even thin air and beat him to a pulp. The only noise Leo could hear was the sound of his own whizzing breath.

Which as the team medic- as the used to be team medic didn’t sound very good to his ears. (He didn’t even have ears)

He couldn’t hear anything besides the noise of him being alive.

And it was driving him mad.

The only thing Leo could feel is the dirt in the air; that scratched his throat on the way to his lungs.

He could feel his heart beating in his ear.

He could feel the invisible string tethering him to the one person who could help him.

But he didn’t even know if that person could or would help him.

He didn’t even know if they where alive or dead.

Where they yokai, human, mutant, Kraang or just some other alien?

Was it some sort of prank Prime was playing on him?

Maybe he was just insane? Ever thought of that? Raph always said that someone that was insane didn’t think they where insane.

Did that mean he was sane? Or did that let him be insane, because he was telling himself that he was insane?

Oh gosh. How long was he in here again?

Why was he even flowing the pull, when it could possibly kill him in a horrible and brutal way?

What was Leo doing?

Why did he always have to ruin everything? Why did he ever think him might measure up to something?

Why did he think that Casey could be right about him?

He messed up. He would always mess up.

But he messed up big this time, and there was no one to clean up his mess this time.

The slider shut his eyes trying to block out everything but failing.

It just made it clearer. That he was alone.

Only Leo and his consequences.

Only Leo and the Kraang .

Only Leo and his memories.

Only Leo and his picture.

Only Leo and the silence.

Only Leo.

Leo was alone.

“We where wondering if you would make it here.” A voice called, shredding the quiet.

Leo eyes snapped open; towards the voice. It was unfamiliar. It wasn’t the Kraang.

As Leo floated in the void, he saw four humans floating in front of him.

Leo wasn’t with his brothers, yet. But he wasn’t alone anymore.

Chapter Text

Casey’s feet padded softly on the tunnel’s soggy floor. Casey’s feet glided without purpose. He turned with no direction in mind.

Casey traveled to get lost. He walked in the sewer system of New York to think.

As he fiddled with a notebook with yellowed pages, his mind did just that. His mind was a downward spiral. This future was supposed to be better.

Why did it feel worse?

Casey had experience with death. His Uncle Donatello died when Casey was only 5. Casey’s Raphael died before that, he didn’t even remember much of his Raphael. His mother died when he was 10. Aunt April passed when he was 12. General de Milo died when he was 13. His cousin Lisa died when he was 14. He lost his Michaelangleo and Leonardo right before he gained different versions of them.

Then he went and lost the person who mattered most to him again. Casey knows that Leo was not Master Leonardo. They were so different. Leo was brash and boyish. Leonardo was… He was everything. He was the hope of the rebellion. He was their drive, their passion, their love, their will.

He kept them fighting the war. He kept them fighting, even when everyone knew it was a losing battle.

Leo was not Casey’s Master Leonardo.

That was a fact.

Master Leonardo lived a life that Leo never died. That fact was clear.

But- In Casey’s short time with Leo, the boy saw glimpses of his late sensei. When the boy watched videos or even looked at pictures of the slider, he could see Master Leonardo.

The way Leo quietly hovered over his siblings, the slider eyes watching every threat, he would find a way to put himself in between the danger and his siblings. It all carried whisper of Casey’s Sensei.

Leo was his siblings’ drive. He carried his siblings when they were dragging through the mud. He pushed his team forwards, in his own way. All false bravo and snarky remarks, instead of Master Leonardo’s passionate speeches and one-on-one talks.

Leo was his siblings glue. With Leo’s death, his brothers fell into disrepair.

Master Splinter was trying… in his own way. But it was a little late.

Mikey was coping.

Raph was self destructive.

Donnie was in denial.

April was drowning.

Casey, well, Casey was trying.

Casey’s eyes drifted away from the graffitied sewer walls, and down to his notebook. One of the only things he brought with him from his time.

The notebook was small enough to fit in his armor pocket. Pages torn will wear, yellow with age, smelly with stains. Pages puffy with little trinkets stuffed within the decaying frame.

Casey filled the small notebook to a blank page as he pulled out a pen.

The printed words stared back at him, mocking him.

What emotions have you felt today?

Casey chewed on his scared lips as he tapped his pen on the page. A sigh escaped the teen, as he began to write.

Guilt. That was an easy emotion to write. An emotion he expected to feel. It wasn’t new to him. He knew what survivor’s guilt was. He doesn’t remember a day without it. It was in his blood. No one grew up in the apocalypse without it.

But, the guilt he felt now, took a different flavor.

His pen dug harshly into the paper as he wrote the next word.

Awe. Casey’s lip began to bleed. It tasted like metal.

Happy. He didn’t deserve the last two. Casey knew that he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t belong to this timeline. Casey’s timeline lost, he should have lost with them. He never knew this world. Michaelanglo did.

Master Leonardo did- but Casey was the reason this timeline’s Leonardo couldn’t enjoy this world.

Master Leonardo was fighting for this world and Casey took it away from him. He took his chance to once again enjoy this world.

This world was intoxicating. The life. The noise. The people.

This was everything the rebellion was fighting for. It made Casey giddy in a way that disgusted the boy.

He was one of the few in the rebellion who didn’t know this place already. He wasn’t worthy. He was damaged, bruised, and broken. The teen didn’t know how to enjoy this world.

He doesn’t know how to function in a world where one wrong move won’t kill you.

He jumps at shadows when nothing is there.

Loud noises make him cower.

He can’t fully take in what the past has to offer when he’s too busy looking over his shoulder. He can’t take in the sights when he’s lying for his next mission when there is none.

He shouldn’t enjoy it when-

When he was the reason the one who deserved it the most couldn’t have it.

He pulled the key. He shouldn’t have. They could have found another way.

But Casey was too hasty. He should have ignored Leo’s screams. They could have found a way.

Master Leonardo always told Casey that he needed to carefully make his choices. But Casey was reckless. But he rushed and he got Leo killed. Leo’s death was his fault. His crime.

The others said they didn’t blame Casey, but he wished they did. It would be easier if they yelled or screamed. If their anger was directed at him, where it was deserved, instead of at themselves.

Donnie blocked the Kraang’s hit from landing directly on Mikey. If he hadn’t Mikey would have been killed on impact, and there would still be a dead turtle.

Mikey wasn’t trained. If he actually opened a portal, with the chances of him getting into the prison dimension, there would have been two turtles dead instead of one.

Raph was the protector. He did his job. He broke Donnie and Mikey’s fall. If he hadn’t there would have been three dead turtles instead of one.
But Casey, well, he was trained. He was a seasoned soldier. He was born into the role. He didn’t have an excuse. He followed orders, but Leo wasn’t Casey’s leader. That was Master Leonardo’s role. Casey would die for his sensei over and over again.

So why did Casey condemn a Leonardo to death? So why, did Casey get to live in what should have been Leo’s world.

This guilt took a different flavor. In the rebellion death was normal. People mourned with each other, shared each other’s grief. Here with the turtles and April, they seemed to grow apart with their grief. Here Casey’s guilt festered, grew, warped into something different then just survivor’s guilt. It felt too large to fit in that label.

In the future, even when parents, siblings, or friends died, they had to keep moving. They could mourn but they could not stop. If you stopped you would be dead.

So how was Casey supposed to mourn now that he had to stop. There was no reason to keep going. How was he supposed to grieve when there was no outlet for his emotions?

Casey snorted bitterly, as he scratched out, overwhelmed, into his journal.

His journal was an outlet. Or at least that’s what Master Michaelangleo always told him.

It didn’t feel effective.

It used to, but not now. Not after everything. Not after Casey killed Leo.

Not after he deprived this future of Leo.

April was drowning. Casey wondered if he was drowning too.