Chapter Text
By the time Hassian closed his door behind him, it was already early morning, though it was still dark outside. He let out a soft sigh at the welcome sight of his grove. Tau happily trotted ahead of him, plopping down at his usual spot next to the campfire without a care in the world. Indeed… they would be safe here. No need for his bow. He let it, and his quiver, slide off of his shoulder, catching the straps with his hand.
Hassian walked over to his tent, feeling the reassuring weight of his tools dangling from his fist. He carefully placed them down on the table. Then he took the bag of cotton from his pouch and set that down as well. One of the bolls spilled from the overfilled bag as the clip tying it together snapped off. Hassian retrieved it from the rug, brushing away the dirt covering it with his fingers. It really was good quality - he’d definitely be able to find a use for it in the future. If nothing else, then just for the sake of honoring the trouble she’d gone through getting it for him.
With his gear unloaded, it was time to restart his fire. Not that he was feeling particularly cold, but he’d need it for today’s final step. He took some of the dried logs stacked in the corner of the tent and stacked them on the remnants of his previous campfire before making his way over to the waterfall. His poetry book remained exactly where he’d left it, and in pristine condition too – looks like no chapaas made away with any pages tonight.
Hassian picked up the book from the rock and walked back to the campfire. Arranging the logs properly was a simple task for him by now, and he relit the fire with practiced ease. Only then did he finally sit down next to Tau, taking off his boots and crossing his legs underneath him. He took a moment to simply… stare into the fire, watching as the logs slowly exchanged their brown exterior for a soft ember glow.
Today had been long, very long indeed, and quite exhausting too. And yet, sitting there in his Grove, Hassian realized that he didn’t feel half bad. If anything, he even almost felt a sense of peace coming over him as he faced the day’s final moments.
Hassian rubbed his eyes. He would sleep soon – but not yet. There was still something else he had to do first.
He picked up the poetry book from beside him and opened it, leafing through the pages until he found the half-finished poem. Looking at the now illegible words in front of him, Hassian couldn’t help but feel a sense of empathy for the him of that morning. He traced a finger across the dried ink. Even if the words were crossed out now, he still remembered what he’d written. It was an honest attempt if nothing else. Not very good, but at least from the heart.
But then, writing a poem for his momma had always been the one subject he struggled with the most.
Still staring at the page, an idea started to form in the back of his mind. If he couldn't compose a poem worthy of her memory this year, then maybe… he could try something else.
Hassian picked his pen back up and flipped to a blank page. He lowered the ink nub onto the paper. Kept it there for a few seconds, struggling to actually move it. Did it really matter all that much if what he was about to do was childish? No one but him would ever get to see it, anyway.
Affirming that thought to himself, Hassian took a deep breath, then wrote the first few words that came to him.
Hi, momma.
If it’s alright with you, I’d like to tell you how I’m doing.
Rereading the sentence he’d just written felt a bit awkward... but it also felt right, somehow. Though still a little apprehensive, he penned his next line as well.
Mother and I had dinner tonight. Together. It was…
He lifted the pen from the paper for a second before pressing it back down.
... good, to see her. Even if it was only the two of us.
I’ve been apprenticing with her every day in preparation of taking over the forge in her stead. Though it’s not a Path I would’ve chosen for myself, you don’t need to worry. I will of course fulfill my duty as son to the best of my ability.
Next to him, a sleeping Tau let out a content little sigh as he lay curled up besides the fire. Hassian gave him a light pat on his head as not to disturb his peaceful slumber too much.
Speaking of family, Tau is doing as well as ever. His health is good and his ears are sharp. Just last week, he caught twelve chapaas in a single day! I’ve sold the pelts and bought him a piece of Ormuu steak as reward. Suffice to say, not much is left of it now.
I’m embarrassed to admit, but sometimes, when I look at him, I even see traces of your mannerisms in him. It makes me feel almost as though you’re still here with me. His companionship was the best gift you could ever have given me. Thank you.
By now his pen flowed as easily as if he was actually conversing with her, and Hassian actually began having trouble keeping up with the speed at which the words came to him. He knew that was a little ridiculous (at least objectively so), but at this point, he was past caring all that much. He just needed to get his thoughts out.
There’s a boy in town I’ve been playing cards with lately. His name’s Auni (one of the Daiyas). For his age, he’s surprisingly good at games! Not as good as you, of course. But it’s good practice nonetheless.
Do you remember how we used to play cards together? Mother would never show either of us mercy, but you were always going easy on me, weren’t you?
I hope we can play together again one day. You, mother, and me. If that happens, I’ll make sure to defeat you fair and square.
Hassian found himself smiling despite the painful sensation tugging at his chest. Even if Taylin was gone now, those memories stayed with him. As long as he remembered her, she would never truly be gone.
With that thought, he dipped his pen in ink for the final time, writing down his last two lines.
Wherever you are now, momma, I hope you can be proud of me.
Until the day I see you again.
Hassian
He waited a few seconds for the ink to dry, then laid his palm flat on the center of his notebook and neatly severed the page with a single tug. He held the paper in his lap, rereading his work. It wasn’t a very long letter, nor was it very eloquent. But he told himself that was just fine. As long as the thought came across.
Satisfied with this year’s work, he held the page in between his thumb and index finger… and laid it to rest in the flames.
Hassian watched as the paper curled away into nothing. He watched as its embers rose into the air, watched the smoke follow them upwards, carrying his message far up into the night sky above.
Goodnight, momma, he thought. May you sleep peacefully among the stars.
He swallowed, not sure if the stinging in his eyes was caused entirely by the smoke blowing back in his face. No matter how many times he’d done this now, it had never gotten any easier. Living on without her hadn’t gotten any easier. He doubted that it ever truly would. But now, sitting there with the day’s events still fresh in his mind, behind the curtain of grief, Hassian was almost afraid to admit that there was something else lurking inside his heart. Something... almost akin to a small sense of hope. A hope that maybe in another decade or so, he’d be able to look back at the Hassian from the past, and seeing his shards gathered where they had once laid scattered.
He wouldn’t be mended, not so easily. But… maybe he did have it in him to give the others the benefit of the doubt once more. To see if perhaps despite their noisiness, their nosiness, if there was something between them that was similar enough to share an understanding. Not all of them, and not right away. But some of them... someday. Sifuu most of all. Loud, difficult Sifuu, but nevertheless still his family…
Hassian put a halt to his thoughts right there. Thinking of a concrete plan could come another time. He’d already taken a first step towards her today; that was more than enough for now.
From tomorrow onward, then, he promised to the night sky. He put a hand on Tau’s back, looking up at the blanket of constellations shimmering high above, different and yet somehow exactly the same.
Yes… from tomorrow onward, he would try again.