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Chapter Text

Sildar Hallwinter wanted nothing more than to start life over. Of course if he’d known the end of the world was going to come then he might have gone back home, or at least went and fought against those trying to kill him even if it meant his death. They would have died soon anyway. Now though… Now he was in for the long haul on an expedition that he’d only heard snippets about. It was hard not to hear about the IPRE mission, after all. It had been broadcast all over the place, along with the interview the day before they were set to leave to explore new planar systems.

Not that any of it mattered at the moment. No what mattered, was staying hidden on this small ship with six other people. Five of which had no idea he was here. But no, he just had to take that stupid bet. A bet with a gnome of all things. For now he was just glad he remembered that small amount of rogue training he’d done a few years ago. That would keep him somewhat hidden.

As Sildar tries to not think about just what he was doing, and how hungry he is now, he thinks back to the moment he’d been caught almost a week ago now.

“Look, I’m only going to ask one more time before I go get the security officer and drag you out of here. What is your name?”

“Uh… Barry.”

“Barry, what?”

“Blue… Jeans. Bluejeans.”

“Barry Bluejeans… Well Barry, how would you like to make a bet with me?”

“A… A bet?” The moment of his downfall, truly. Why had he entertained this?

“Just a simple bet. I bet that you can’t stay hidden for a week before someone spots you.”

“Hey!”

“Well, are you taking me up on this?”

“I can hide for a week. I bet… Six months. I can totally do that.”

“Fine. You win, you can stay. You lose, I dump you off the ship and you never come around us again.”

“Deal.”

As he finally slips out of the once empty room, now his own, he remembers another conversation. This one that he hadn’t been a part of, but he was glad he’d heard it. A conversation between who he’d thought were Taako and Lup. Now he knew better.

“We shouldn’t have done this. Those two are dead because we took their spots!” The one he’d thought was Lup had been nearly yelling. Sildar still didn’t know how only he heard them.

“Hey, keep your voice down! They don’t know that and even if they did, what could they do now? Nothing, which is exactly what we can do. Besides, those two dolts were in it for the fame. They lied just as much as we did.”

“We took their names! Their whole lives Edward!”

“Lydia not so loud. That’s not who we are anymore, we’re Taako and Lup now.”

“What about Keetz? Do we just forget about him now Ed?”

“There was nothing we could do. He was too sick to bring along and this was supposed to help him. You know that.”

That had been the moment he’d really decided to play into being Barry Bluejeans. If those two could lie about who they were so easily, he could too. At least Barry Bluejeans had been made up. Taako and Lup had been real people. People who were as good as dead now. So what harm was there in continuing his lie?

For now, neither of those conversations were important. What is important is how carefully he can ration this food. Barry had heard ‘Taako’ and ‘Lup’ talking about how food was disappearing a little too fast. For now they were blaming it on Magnus, the security officer, but that could only last so long. Figuring out some other source of food had to happen soon or he really would be caught.

And over the next six months, Barry figures out how to secretly survive on this ship. The Starblaster. A dumb name if he’d ever heard one, but Barry Bluejeans really isn’t much better. It was his now though, for better or for worse. Although ‘worse’ seemed to be his current state. Worse to the point that if he didn’t do something soon, he’d be found out. The bet wasn’t quite over yet and he needed to stay hidden just one more week to really make it.

So at the moment, he was rifling through the cabinets when he hears the sound of a throat clearing behind him. “Shit…” That was the end of the bet then.

“Shit is right, buddy. You’re the reason Taako and Lup got all mad at me!”

Barry turns to see Magnus Burnsides standing in the doorway. Or, the man who was using the name ‘Magnus Burnsides’ since this was definitely not that man. None of the people on this ship were who they said they were. Barry had learned that much over the past six months.

“Alright, well now you can tell them that you caught me. I’ll get going.” Barry gives a nod and leaves the kitchen, going to grab his things. Better to leave now that he’d lost the bet than wait around and be dropped off wherever Davenport decided to drop him off at. At least this way he could continue to have agency over his own life for however long he had left on this odd world.

Quickly gathering his stolen blankets, pillows, notebook, and pen, Barry makes sure there isn’t a trace of himself left. Then he’s quick to grab a rope he’d found and heads out onto the deck of The Starblaster, tying it off to the railing before tossing it over. He takes a moment to really think about what he’s doing before grabbing onto the rope and climbing his way down to the ground.

The second his feet hit the ground, Barry starts moving. He’d watched where the others had gone each day and purposefully heads in the other direction. It’s late, so none of the animals he’d seen are awake and he’s thankful for that much. So he walks, and just keeps walking. He only stops to watch the animals on this planet and see what foods they deem safe to eat. That done, he grabs some and keeps walking.

This is how Barry Bluejeans, no longer Sildar Hallwinter as he’s left that identity behind, spends the rest of what he feels is the rest of his life. He walks, getting as far away as he can from those six fakers and whatever the hell they’re doing.

Right up until the world ends.

Realistically, he’d never had a chance. One of those giant black columns slammed down onto him, killing him instantly. For a moment, there is peace. Whoever he’s become is no more. Then he’s being stitched back together, and Barry Bluejeans finds himself back in his room on The Starblaster. All of his things are gone, and he is beyond confused.

So without a thought, he makes his way out of the room. “Hey Davenport!”

Chapter Text

Running out to meet the rest of the crew all standing on the deck wasn’t exactly what Barry had expected, but here he was. For a moment they all stare at each other, then he turns and heads up to Davenport. “Alright before you get on me, I had less than a week before I’d won and besides that, here I am. So we need to talk about that.”

Davenport looks shaken, but not as much by Barry as he would’ve expected. “There are a lot of things we need to talk about, starting with someone actually a part of this crew.” The gnome moves away to go down to the lower deck, over to Magnus.

By this point, Magnus was sitting and just looking at his hands. “So uh… I died. Like, I remember that. How am I… Here? I shouldn’t be here.”

“Realistically, none of us should be here,” Barry says as he makes his way over. “I know I shouldn’t be here. I got crushed to death, and then suddenly I was here again.”

Six sets of eyes find Barry, all in varying degrees of horror. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said that just so nonchalantly. Most people don’t just talk about death like that. Well it’s done now and he can’t exactly take it back. All he can do is lightly swat away Taako’s hand and give him a look.

“Calm down Tom Arnold, I was just making sure you’re actually here and not a ghost or some shit. Can you blame me?”

Lup rolls her eyes at Taako and pulls him back over to her. “Be nice to the guy. He died.”

“I am being nice!” Taako looks to his twin, mock offense obvious on his face. “Besides, he said it like it was no big deal! So I’m gonna treat it like it’s not!”

Once again Lup starts to cut in, but Barry waves her off. “It’s really not a big deal, at least not to me. I’d come to terms with it by the time it happened. Either I was going to eat the wrong thing, or piss off the wrong animal, or something. And it was so sudden that I didn’t really have to process it. One second I was crushed and then the next I was back here. For now, we should focus on Magnus.”

Said human gets nervous to have all those eyes suddenly on him. “Hey, no. I’m good!” Magnus gets up and waves everyone off. “Magnus is good right here! Yeah I died, but I’m back. No permadeaths here!” It’s a false bravado, and a good one. One that would have been better if he hadn’t been sitting all freaked out a moment ago.

With a nod, Barry pats Magnus’ arm. “Sure bud. Then how about we talk about the how? How the hell did the both of us end up here if we both died?”

Silence meets that question, and Barry wants to groan. Not only was the ship full of fakers. It was full of fakers that hadn’t even bothered to do their research. So with a sigh, he turns and just heads off to the lab he’d found but never really bothered with. There hadn’t been a point really when it wasn’t helping him hide. Searching through the place, he finds something on the ships engine, a bond engine. Finding a stool, he sits to read through the little booklet. It’s a quick read and doesn’t explain much other than “it works, so we’re using it for this”.

“So helpful.” Snapping it shut, Barry tosses the booklet back into the drawer he’d found it in and finds a small notepad and pencil. If there was no real information on the bond engine, then it was just up to him to figure it out. After taking a moment to think, he writes out his experiences with what he’s certain is the bond engine, then writes about his death and “resurrection”, since that’s the only word he could think of. It was the only thing that fit. With that done he writes down a few words about how Magnus had also died and come back. So not a lot of information, but more than he’d had.

Flipping to a new page, he writes out the obvious. The bond engine helps them get to new planar systems. The bond engine brought himself and Magnus back to life. The bond engine could theoretically do this for all of them. After thinking it over a few minutes, Barry writes one more thing. The bond engine doesn’t care if they’re all lying. It was a big leap, but it was the truth. None of them were who they were supposed to be, but they were all still here. Not the original six that were supposed to be on the Starblaster.

With those thoughts in mind, Barry tucks the notebook into his pocket. No need to leave it out for any of the others to stumble on. For the moment, he was the only one that knew that none of them were who they said they were. He hadn’t figured out details on all of them, but he knew for certain that they were all fakers. The only difference between him and them, was that he’d picked a fake name and that was it. He hadn’t stolen the name he was currently using. Now he just had to figure out just who the rest of them were.

As he leaves the lab to wander the ship a bit, he has to wonder if this is the best course of action. For better or for worse, the seven of them were stuck with each other. Did he need to know all their secrets? He could let this go, just let them be the people they are now. Something about it though just didn’t seem right. If the bond engine ran off of their bonds, they’d never have good ones with all these lies. Someone needed to know the truth. Even if it was just him, he needed to know. Maybe later on he’d confront them all. Lay out all of his information and let them all deal with it. For now, he just had to find the answers.

Or, that had been the plan. Walking out onto the deck, Barry spots something bright streak across the sky. At first he’s certain it’s just a shooting star, until it actually hits the ground. That’s when it hits him. Something like that had happened on their planar system. The Light of Creation was here. Now they just had to go and get it.

Chapter Text

Barry was standing on the deck of the Starblaster, leaned on the railing and looking down at the ground and trying desperately to find the Light. It was only hours after it had fallen and he knew it could take some time. On the opposite side of the deck, Lucretia was doing the same. They’d all been paired off by Davenport to take turns standing on the deck to keep an eye out. It wasn’t a foolproof strategy, but it was the best they had. So here the two of them were. He wanted to curse himself for not realizing sooner, for not trying to watch exactly where it had landed, but in his defense he didn’t even know it had fallen on the last world they’d all been on. It’s that thought alone that brings him some comfort.

So for now, he thinks on other things. Like that spell he knows he saw Lucretia cast on herself. It had been a quick movement, but it had been there. Now he had to wonder about it. No one else was just casually casting spells on themselves. At least not that he’d seen at least. So what could this one be? Nothing about her had physically changed as far as he could tell, but he didn’t want to pry his eyes away from the ground below to double check. He’d just have to wait until the next group came to take their turn.

For the next few hours, the two of them search. Finally, Barry feels a hand on his shoulder and glances over to see Magnus already looking at the ground. “All yours bud.” He steps back, pushing his glasses up on his head to rub at his eyes until he remembers the oddity of Lucretia. When he drops his hands, she’s already gone. So with a sigh he just heads off to his room.

This is a pattern that continues for the next week. Barry comes out on deck, tapping out Lup and watching the ground for a few hours before Magnus taps him out to take over. Not once does he see Lucretia casting that spell again, but he continues to wonder about it regardless. Something tells him she’s still doing it, but she’s doing it before she comes out of her room to start the search. As one week turns into two, it’s obvious that they’re not going to find the Light like this. Seeing it from above just isn’t going to happen.

The seven of them sit at the table now, trying to discuss a plan for searching for the Light. They can’t just all leave the ship for the Light, but none of them are particularly awake enough to handle it at the moment. Davenport is the worst off, having been nearly constantly awake to pilot the ship. With all of them this exhausted, there’s just a lot of awkward pauses, but Barry notices something in those pauses. He notices Lucretia, watching them all. Taking cues from them on how to act. It’s just one more oddity that he doesn’t understand. One that he’s not mentally equipped to figure out right now.

“Alright, I’m going to bed. We can all figure this out tomorrow.” Barry stands and heads for the door to the kitchen/dining area. “I suggest you all do the same. We can figure this out when we’ve all actually rested properly.”

He doesn’t look back as he heads to his room, laying down on his pile of blankets and promptly falling asleep. Sleep, nature’s healer. Something they’d all been missing out on quite a bit. So it’s no surprise when it’s nearly a full day before they’re all awake again and find themselves back at the table. The surprise to Barry, is how well rested Lucretia looks. Everyone else still looks half asleep, but she’s wide awake despite the two weeks of constant searching with only a handful of hours of sleep. There’s something just so off about the whole thing. Something he’s still not quite awake enough to figure out. He needs to focus on what’s going on around him.

“Alright, so what’s the plan here? Did anyone come up with an idea?” Five bleary faces and one wide awake one all turn to Barry. Yeah, that was the answer he’d been afraid of. “Well, since Lucretia is so awake, why don’t you come up with something?” He turns to her.

Being put on the spot, Lucretia freezes for a moment before composing herself. “How about, for now, we just take a break? We know about where the Light is, we’ve been practically on top of it for two weeks. No one has seen any life on this world so no one has just come by and picked it up before we noticed.”

Barry has to admit, it’s a good idea. And it takes the attention off of Lucretia, letting everyone take a moment to try and think it over. Something that takes longer than it should, realistically. He makes a mental note to never let them all get this bad again. Then he pulls his notepad out of his pocket and makes a physical note, just to be safe. There’s no telling if he’d remember his mental note later.

After a moment, Davenport nods and stands on his chair to get everyone’s attention. “For now, we take a break. Everyone get something to eat and drink, then we just continue to rest. Once we’re all able, we’ll try this meeting again.”

It takes another day, but they’re all once again sitting at the table together. This time, they’re all properly awake. The plan they come up with is simple. One team stays on the Starblaster, while the other two take turns going out and searching for the Light of Creation on the ground. If something happened to one of the teams, then they had the reserve team that was fully rested and ready to go. The two teams going down are Merle, and Magnus, as well as Taako and Lup. Leaving the ship without someone who knew how to pilot it just wasn’t a smart move so Davenport would be staying about with Barry and Lucretia. That was perfectly fine with Barry. Now he could try and figure out the secrets of the crew while most of them were out.

Chapter Text

Over the next few days, Barry realizes one very important fact. Lucretia will stay in her room unless she’s prompted to come out. An odd thing for what’s supposed to be the chronicler of their journey, yet with nothing going on he can’t exactly blame her. She will at least come out when the teams on the ground swap places to listen to them explain what had happened down there. With each trip of course, the answers get shorter and shorter because they’re all the same.

They went down there, searched for the Light, and found nothing. Having to repeat it just adds a sting to it all.

Even he had noticed just how stressed and annoyed the two teams were getting. But he was also taking the time to do something important. With Davenport staying at the helm all day, the twins catching up on sleep or cooking, and Lucretia staying in her room, Barry’s free to snoop around. The room he’s been checking out the most is Magnus’. Sure the guy had been pretty nice to him, but he was curious. Magnus had become the nicest guy on the ship pretty quickly, and that was suspicious. Even a nice guy had his secrets.

It takes days of searching, nearly a week, but finally, Barry has found something. A journal hidden in the very back of a drawer. For the next week he sits in that room and reads. What he finds is alarming, but also exactly what he thought he’d find. This is not Magnus Burnsides. This was a man named Governor Kalen. A man responsible for the deaths of many people in a small city called Raven’s Roost.

Reading that part is hard for Barry. He remembered Raven’s Roost, he’d grown up visiting the place with his parents. And now he was living on a ship with the man responsible for all that death and destruction. Yet he reads on, unable to stop himself. It’s the last few pages that have him more curious than concerned.

10-30

They’re dead, all of them. I knew when I did this, that people would die. Bombing the supports to a city like that means a loss of life is inevitable. But I’d thought some would survive. Even if it was just that thorn in my side, Magnus Burnsides. I have to wonder what happened, that the “hero” couldn’t even save one person. Not one person made it out of that mess. I double checked, of course. Some small part of me had to be sure I suppose. Or maybe… Maybe it was the guilt eating me alive.

11-05

It was guilt. I knew it was, but I was afraid to admit it. I’m guilty. All those innocents are gone because of me! Now… Now I just wander, pretending to be Magnus Burnsides. Someone mistook me for him. It wasn’t the first time it had happened, but now… Now perhaps I can absolve myself of this guilt. Magnus would have roamed and tried to do good in the world. I’ll try and do the same.

01-15

It’s been some time since I’ve written here. Things have certainly changed. Becoming Magnus was far easier than I thought it would be. The guilt is still there, but I’m working on it. Thankfully, most seem to think that I… That Governor Kalen, died with the collapse of Raven’s Roost. I’ve done my best to stick to that story. It helps that people just assume that much since I’ve essentially disappeared. Learning to fight wasn’t easy, but that’s what Magnus was, a fighter. So I’ve learned. I only hope that when I finally meet my end, he isn’t angry with me for living his life.

05-18

Everything’s gone. The whole world, the whole planar system, just gone. I never understood the specifics of this mission. I just trained for the one job I was meant to do. I’m the security officer. The trip was only supposed to last a few months… Now we can’t ever go back. Davenport certainly tried, but it’s no use. We’re stuck in this new system, on this new world. I guess I won’t have to worry about seeing the real Magnus anymore when I die. I won’t see any of them ever again.

That’s the last entry, and it’s been a couple years now since that. Barry’s sure there’s likely another journal hidden somewhere, but for now he’s not worried about it. He puts this journal back in it’s place, making sure there’s no obvious signs of him being there before he goes back to his own room. Sure he’d been reading that for days, but those last few entries… Those entries will haunt him for some time. He’s thankful that Magnus and Merle will be away for a few more days. He’s not ready to see the man just yet.

Knowing they were all fakers was one thing. Knowing that one of them was a killer? That he’d destroyed a whole small city? Well that was another thing entirely. Governor Kalen was supposed to be dead. Killed by his own hubris. Barry had heard that rumor floating around a time or two and had believed it just as anyone else had. Why wouldn’t he? The man had seemingly disappeared into thin air, and no one had been able to go down and retrieve the bodies of the dead. It was just too dangerous to do. A risk to more lives.

Now though, none of it mattered. Not really. Sure he could tell the truth. He could gather the others and tell them just who Magnus Burnsides really was. What good would it do, though? It would only cause a rift. A big one at that. So for now, he’ll keep this secret. What’s one more to add to the pile? First Edward and Lydia, and now Kalen. Then his own identity of Sildar. Four secrets, and three more to go. It would take time, but he’d find out the truth about the entire crew. To what ends he wasn’t sure at this point, but there wasn’t really a reason to stop either. One of them should know the entire truth. If for no other reason than maybe one day… One day they could all go home. Then someone would need to know. Not to get them all in trouble, but to protect them. He would protect these people, because he’d come to care about them. As crazy as that was.

Chapter Text

They don’t find the Light that cycle, but they do find it a few times over the next few cycles. Barry isn’t too surprised by that, it’s a hard thing to find at times. Other times it’s just found by someone else that they can’t find. Each time it’s hard on all of them. They know what the consequence is for these places. But no matter how many times they try and get the Light back, it never seems to work. This cycle though… This time, they’re on a very strange planet indeed. One, that for some reason, Merle decides to just stay at. For reasons Barry can’t fathom, Merle has decided to stay in the first town they find and just… Bring the word of Pan.

More power to him, Barry supposes.

Regardless, that means that while the rest of them search for the Light, he has time to search Merle’s room and learn about him. So one night after everyone is asleep, Barry carefully tries to get into the dwarf’s room. Tries being the key word here. The door won’t budge an inch, and he’s certainly not going to push too hard. If it suddenly gives and he falls, it could wake everyone. Then he’ll have to explain himself. That thought in mind, he leaves it be for now.

For the next week, Barry tries to get into Merle’s room. The door never budges and he’s sure there’s some kind of spell on it. Yet he’d never seen the dwarf dispelling any kind of magic to walk into the room. So it had to be some serious magic, but as far as he remembered, clerics didn’t have a magic like that. It had to be something non magical. Perhaps he was just a bit weak, that was always possible. It was the start of the cycle, and he was back to his usual self. No slight muscle that he usually built up while looking for the Light.

It takes another few weeks of trying, but one night, the door finally opens. He nearly falls with how easily it opens but manages to keep upright. The sight that greets him is confusing, and yet not. Plants of all shapes and sizes. All dying now that Merle wasn’t there to water them. The vines of one had been holding the door shut, which explained why he couldn’t come in until now. So now he had a choice here. He could continue to let the plants die and give himself easy access, or he could water them, and give away the fact that someone had been in here.

The choice is easy. Barry finds the watering can and takes it to the kitchen, filling it up and bringing it back to water the plants. It takes a couple trips, and he’s likely drowning them, but they’ve been without water for weeks now. A little drowning is likely what they need. And so he finds himself with a new routine. Every couple days, he comes into the room and waters the plants. It takes a bit, but he figures out which ones need more water and which ones can do with less. Some small part of him considers becoming a cleric or warlock of Pan, but he dismisses the idea quickly. They already had Merle. No need for another follower of Pan on this ship.

All is well and good over those months that he’s doing this, even when he takes his own trips down to the planet to help search for the Light. The plants in Merle’s room survived a week without water and weren’t quite dead so Barry isn’t worried about it. What does worry him, close to the end, is Magnus. Magnus, Kalen, whoever he was. He’d taken his mask off without thinking and was now constantly coughing up a lung while they searched. Without Merle around to heal him they were stuck with the remedies the people of this world had. Remedies meant only to help the symptoms because there was no cure. Once again Magnus was going to die. That made two deaths so far and Barry wondered if that was the plan. Keep dying until it matched the number of dead from Raven’s Roost. As morbid as it was, it was fitting too. It fit the man that kept that original journal, at least in those last couple pages.

It’s almost a surprise though, when it does happen. Magnus had been up and about the day before and trying to help out. Even the people of this world thought he might be fighting it. Him being human made it possible in their minds and Barry had found himself believing them. Until he went to wake the man the next morning. Cold and still, no signs of life. Despite this, he knows what to do. Searching through Magnus’ pockets, he grabs the important things to the man and shoves them in his own pockets to take back up to the ship. Then he lets the others know. The people of this plane aren’t too surprised, and neither are the crew of the Starblaster. It still stings, even knowing that he’ll be back soon.

Barry wonders, when the Hunger eventually comes to this plane, just what Merle was doing when he got pulled away. He can see it on his face when he makes his way out onto the deck that Merle is still thinking of those people. Of the church he’d made. Barry hopes, and hope is a hard thing to come by nowadays, but he hopes that they made it. That they’re surviving alright. Their world is harsh, but Merle brought them some kind of hope. A hope that the seven of them have a hard time keeping on this journey they’re taking. Maybe soon they’ll find some hope of their own. It’s something he hopes they all find soon before they all just become reckless.

It’s only a few days into being on this new plane that Barry realizes that he needs to talk to Merle. Something was going on in that room of his and while he hadn’t found any answers, he still wanted to know the truth. All of those plants made some sense for a cleric to Pan of all gods, but the way they’d covered the door to keep him out at first didn’t. The whole thing was weird. Not any weirder than a ship full of fakers and liars, but weird. So he plans to do some more snooping the next time the dwarf is off the ship. Or that was the plan, until he’s suddenly pulled into Merle’s room.

“Alright Barry you’ve got some explaining to do.”

Oh he was in trouble now.

Chapter Text

Knowing that Merle called on a nature god was one thing. Seeing his powers in action was another, and also let Barry know that something was very wrong with this so called cleric. He didn’t know much about magic, or about what a cleric could do, but this certainly wasn’t it. Wrapping him up in vines like this wasn’t a spell as far as he knew. Or at least, not one a cleric should know. “Uh… Hey Merle. What’s up?” Best to just keep things simple.

“Barry… Fuckin Bluejeans. I-”

“Actually, my middle name is Jay.” Barry didn’t know why that had been his response, but it was.

There’s a long pause as Merle just stares. “You called yourself Barry Jay Bluejeans?! That’s just bj bj! It’s the worst fake name I’ve ever heard!”

“And that’s the weirdest reaction I’ve had so far! Besides Merle we both know that’s not your name either! You’ve given two different last names!” This was not the conversation they were meant to be having, but Barry would happily continue it. Maybe that way he’d get some answers.

“Hightower is my middle name! Merle Hightower Highchurch!”

“You made that up! You just forgot that your last name is supposed to be Highchurch!”

Another long pause before Merle sighs. “Alright, obviously this isn’t gonna work out. So we’ll try again next year.”

The next thing Barry knows, he’s being stitched back together in his room on the Starblaster. For a moment, he’s confused. Then the answer comes like a slap to the face. Merle had killed him. The supposed cleric of Pan, who valued life, had killed him. Sure they all knew by now that he’d come right back with the new cycle , but still. They’d just started that last cycle; he was gone for basically a year . Then came the matter of his body, and his things. Searching the room shows that they’re all laid out on an empty shelf, so that’s good at least. And checking another shelf found that his notepad was right where he’d left it with a few others. They were all still in the same order so he was certain they hadn’t been messed with.

All that done, he leaves the room. He had a dwarf to talk to. Making his way out of the room, Barry goes right to Merle’s door and knocks. It’s more like he bangs on the door really. Whatever he does, it works. The door opens and he walks in, this time just pressing his back to the door and keeping his hand on the doorknob. “Do I even want to know how you explained me being dead to the others?”

“No, probably not.” Merle is watering his plants, just checking them over as he does. “So, you just decided to let yourself into my room while I was in Fungston and decided to water my plants? I don’t know much about you, but I do know that’s not why you came in here.”

“Good to see you’re not as dumb as you make yourself out to be.”

“Watch it Bluejeans. I could just kill you again.”

Barry considers those words for a moment and decides to push his luck anyway. Even if he died, he’d be back. “The others would be awfully suspicious if I died two years in a row after coming into your room. They’ll start looking into things.”

“Just tell me what you want then. Lets get this over with and then we don’t have to bother each other anymore.”

There’s no way it could be that easy. “Fine, then I’ll lay out what I do know. You fill in the rest. Your name is definitely not Merle Highchurch, and you are definitely not a cleric.”

Merle, or whoever he is, doesn’t even have the decency to pretend to be shocked. “Yeah alright, you got me. Merle Highchurch died two days before this mission. I took his place.”

Another death before the mission had even started. The real Magnus dead years before, and now the real Merle dead days before. Four identities stolen in all that he knew of. This mystery just kept getting deeper and deeper. Barry wondered if he was the only one on this ship who had simply just come up with a fake identity.

“So who are you? I want the truth. None of the shit you seem to pull constantly. The honest truth. Who are you, and why take Merle’s place?”

“I took Merle’s place because he was a firm believer. Sure at times he swayed, but at the end it was one of my temples that he chose to make his way to and spend his final moments in.”

It takes a moment, but everything clicks into place. This wasn’t a cleric of Pan. This is Pan. “Holy shit…” A pause, and then Barry makes a face. “You made a whole church to yourself in Fungston!”

“Alright yeah, that sounds kinda bad but it wasn’t for me! That’s not how that works! It was for the Pan of that plane, it did nothing for me. Besides, it’s what Merle would have done.”

It’s what Merle would have done. The same words Kalen used when deciding what to do as Magnus. Well now Barry really couldn’t fight that one. If anyone would know what the real Merle would have done, it would be Pan. “Alright, fine. I’m not going to say anything so you just keep being Merle.”

“Exactly. Now scram before the others get suspicious.” Merle waves Barry off.

Taking that exit, Barry heads back to his room and grabs his notepad. He’s quick to write down everything he’d just learned before putting it back on the shelf. As he sits on his bed after, he takes a moment to just process. The man he knew as Merle Highchurch was actually the nature god Pan. A god that had been cut off from all the other gods he’d known. And now with each cycle, he was likely faced with familiar faces and feelings. Yet they weren’t the ones he knew. Barry didn’t know how Merle was handling that. How would someone handle that? Seeing people you should know, but they don’t know you. How would anyone cope with that?

Barry could only hope that he’d never have to figure out the answer to that question.

Chapter Text

Deciding on the next course of action takes a few days. There were two crew members left that Barry didn’t know the secrets of. Lucretia and Davenport. He was reluctant to go for Davenport after the whole thing with the bet, even ten years later.

Of course that’s one hell of a thought. They’d been at this for ten years already. Yet at the moment he didn’t look like he’d aged a day. None of them did. Magnus had his black eye from the bar fight, Lup’s hair was cut short, and the bright red dye was still in Taako’s hair. Ten years, and yet nothing had physically changed. The only changes were within. The mental and emotional toll that these ten years had taken. The now four deaths between himself and Magnus. A death count he knew would only grow and that the others would likely contribute to the longer this went on.

But right now was not the time for introspection. No, now was the time for watching. Watching Lucretia, specifically.

So for the next few months, Barry does his best to subtly watch Lucretia. As he does, he makes mental notes that he later writes down in his notepad. The notes are all over the place, and confusing when he finally takes a moment to look at it all. What could all of this even be pointing to? He couldn’t understand it. There was no logical explanation for Lucretia’s behavior once it was all put together like this. After a few minutes, Barry flips to a new page and just writes down the basics.

Lucretia does not eat; she will pretend when brought to the table but otherwise will not. Lucretia never looks tired, and is up at random times of the day and night; if someone else is up, she is likely up as well. Lucretia casts spells on herself that seem to do nothing. Lucretia can write with both hands and will use one hand to write in cursive while one writes in print; both are perfectly legible. Lucretia gives herself more space to move around than she needs to; moving through doorways directly in the middle and standing just a bit too far away from others.

Looking at just the facts isn’t any more helpful than looking at the jumbled mess of notes he’d made of the past few months. Whatever this is all pointing to, Barry doesn’t have a clue. He’s gone over every possibility he can imagine. He even considered that she might be a lich at some point, but with a physical body she’d still need to eat. What would even be keeping her stable? The whole idea was ridiculous.

So over the next few months, Barry continues to watch. None of his observations change and he doesn’t add any. It’s not until about two weeks before the Hunger should show up that he dares to write down the only other thing about Lucretia before he goes to confront her.

Lucretia is no longer human.

It’s that thought that has Barry searching the ship for Lucretia. He finds her out on the deck watching the stars. He’d had no idea how late it was already and he can feel how tired he is, but he doesn’t let that deter him. Making his way over, he stands next to her and looks up at the stars too. Before he can speak, Lucretia beats him to it.

“There aren’t as many stars.”

Barry looks at Lucretia, then back up at the sky. “This isn’t home, Lucretia. The stars are bound to be different.”

“I know that, but there were more stars when we first arrived. It’s happened every time as far as I can tell. When the Hunger gets close, the stars start going out.”

He wants to tell her she’s imagining things, but then he sees a star go out right in front of his eyes. But that could have been a fluke. That’s what he tells himself as he continues to watch. He watches for an hour and is ready to call it quits when another goes out. That’s when he knows she’s right. “The stars are going out… Well, now we have a new sign. Good catch.”

“Thank you. I know I’m not a scientist but this isn’t something we can just ignore.”

“I’m not much of a scientist either. I’m just the guy stepping up.”

That prompts a soft laugh from Lucretia, and she turns to Barry. “How ironic that the one not meant to be here is the one stepping up to figure this all out.”

And that’s when Barry finds his opening. “I may not have been meant to be here, but I didn’t lie to get here either. Don’t try to lie, I’ve been watching you all year. What is up with you, Lucretia? You don’t eat, you don’t sleep, and I’ve never seen anyone write in cursive and print at the same time.”

“I’m a human, Barry. Or… I was human. A long time ago. But I died, and well… We probably shouldn’t do this here.” Lucretia takes off for her room, and Barry follows. Once inside, she waves him over to the desk and he sits in the chair, just watching patiently.

With a small motion, the visage of Lucretia is gone. What’s in front of him… Well Barry can’t quite wrap his head around it. “Lucretia… That’s still you, right?”

“Yeah Barry, it’s me. This is the real me. As real as reasonably possible I suppose.”

“And that thing there in the middle, is that your..?”

“It is. I’m still not entirely sure how it all happened. The early days are fuzzy and what clear memories I do have, there was no one else around.”

“Can I… I won’t touch unless you say I can, but can I look?”

“Yeah, go ahead. Just hands in your pockets if you don’t mind.”

Barry nods and gets up, moving around this new version of Lucretia, the real version of her. “You are so unbelievably hug-shaped. Hey what’s this on your back?”

“It’s my serial number, but it’s also my name. My real one. My name is Noelle Redcheek.”

Chapter Text

Barry spends the next cycle doing what he’d done the previous cycle. He observes. This time, the subject of his observations is Davenport. The last one with a secret that he had yet to figure out. Whether by accident, snooping, or just the subject telling him outright. He had some hope that this would be an easier one to find out but with how often the Captain locked the door to his room and stayed up near the helm, it was becoming less and less likely. They’d already spent twelve years together and yet he just didn’t know much about the gnome. All he knew for certain is that there was a secret. If the others were anything to go by, it was certainly big.

Barry just hoped that no one had died to get this gnome into the position he was in. He’d already learned about enough deaths from this crew.

Of course it seems like fate has other things in store for Barry Bluejeans. The world they land on is the easiest one yet and finding the Light of Creation happens the day after it falls. So he spends plenty of time just researching it since it’s the first time they’ve had basically the entire year to do so. What he finds is interesting enough to make him forget all about the secret of Captain Davenport. His usual notepad is replaced by several new ones, all with research about the Light. It’s nice to just be able to sit and be curious for this long with no one bothering him.

When the year is up though, and Barry once again finds himself in his room, his eyes land on his notepad. The one filled with the secrets of the Starblaster crew. This year, or this cycle as they’d taken to calling them now, he would figure out that final mystery and put all of this to rest. What he would do with all of this knowledge was still uncertain, but that was a thought for after. He was just thankful that he hadn’t slipped with any of them yet. Called them by the wrong names. That would be a disaster.

Now that he’s focused on Davenport though, many things become clear. The gnome that had willingly gotten into a bet with him at the start of this voyage was carefully hidden. Not all the time, but a good chunk of the time. The joy for life all gnomes seemed to have was still there, but Davenport was a professional. That much reassured Barry that whoever this was, nothing bad would happen to them. Not that it had, of course, but he could still be worried.

Other things he notices, are the way he only pretends to fight the nickname Magnus had given him. Cap’n Port. That much made sense to him. Gnomes got nicknames from their families, so this wasn’t something abnormal. A little odd that it had come from a human perhaps, but not out of the norm. Of course when others like Taako and Lup had started using it, there had been a little resistance, but now it was just that fake fight that the gnome put up with Magnus. Now even Merle used it at times. Something about that struck Barry, but in a good way.

They were becoming a family, the seven of them. An odd one, with many secrets, but a family.

That’s a thought for another time though. He needs to focus on what he’s doing. Right now that’s focusing on the ground below them. Or well, water. The Light had fallen and they were all just hoping that it was buoyant, and that nothing was big enough to try and eat it. Of course he planned to graciously bow out of any excursions to search in the water. He couldn’t swim and didn’t feel like adding death by drowning to his list of experiences. He’d learned enough from Magnus about how the fungus had made it hard for him to breathe and Barry had his suspicions that drowning would feel the same, just much faster. So he was going to stay on board with Davenport. Perhaps get some lessons on how to pilot the Starblaster and learn more about him.

For the next few months, Barry does learn a lot about the Starblaster. At least, in terms of piloting. Realistically, he knew it wasn’t easy. It was a gravity defying ship, nothing about that was easy. So piloting it couldn’t be very easy. The thing that irked him the most about it were the controls themselves. They were set up with someone of a more human size, not the gnome who used them. So Davenport had had to find some workarounds. Figure out how best to pilot and what he could safely get away with. If they ever somehow managed to get back to the IPRE, Barry would be having words with the people who had built the Starblaster. He didn’t care that he was a stowaway and that they’d be angry about it. This just wasn’t right.

Thankfully though, he was able to hide that anger around Davenport. He could focus on the lessons and forget about the anger and injustice he felt for the man. Because obviously Davenport had just gotten used to it after this point. But it was more important to learn. The anger and injustice and other emotions all got written into their own separate notepad once those lessons were over. A lot of it was the same stuff repeated over and over, but every time he learned something new about how the Starblaster was piloted, and the workarounds the Captain had implemented, new complaints were added into the notepad. Truthfully he worried that he’d fill it up before these lessons were over. Then he’d need to get another that he’d likely fill up just as fast.

But today was different. Today they were anchored as some some of the crew went down into the depths to check out what they’d thought was the Light. So Barry and Davenport were just relaxing and taking some time between their usual lessons. Lessons only happened while they were actively moving. There was some method to that madness he supposed. It was easier to teach while they were actively moving and could mess with things properly so as not to disrupt the natural flow of life on board. And it’s because of this relaxation that Davenport’s words catch Barry so off guard.

“I know you know. That I’m not him.”

It takes a moment for the words to connect, but when they do, Barry is quick to respond. “It doesn’t matter either way now. Really I’m just too curious for my own good. I’d say it would get me killed but that won’t really stick so I’m not worried.” His curiosity had already gotten him killed once, what was one more?

“You are a strange one, Barry Bluejeans.”

“Just as strange as the Captain on a voyage like this getting into a bet with a stowaway.”

That prompts a quiet laugh and a nod from Davenport. The two of them sit in a comfortable silence for a moment longer. Barry’s just about ready to start asking questions when Davenport speaks again.

“My name is Leon. Well, it’s the name I give out. I won’t get into the full one.”

“Thank you, because as much as I hate to say it, that would be too much for me to remember and I wouldn’t really have cause to use it.”

“So you’re not going to tell the others?”

“Not if you don’t tell them that my name is Sildar Hallwinter.” A simple sign of mutual trust. It felt odd, and yet right to share his name with Leon. They both knew the names they’d been born with.

“How does that sound more fake than Barry Bluejeans? I believe you of course, but really?”

“Hey I can’t control any of that. Besides I left that name behind years ago. I’m Barry Bluejeans now, and you’re Captain Davenport.”

“I suppose we are… I suppose we are.”

More companionable silence between the two of them. They both had a few things to think about and Barry’s hands itched for his notepad. For now though he forces himself to sit still and just commit what he’d learned to memory. It felt nice, to know all of the hidden names of the crew. Like this is what he’d been put here to do. But he dismisses that outright. Fate had never done him much good.

Once again though, he’s caught off guard as Davenport speaks. “He’s alive. Or… He was, before the Hunger. I had him… Sealed away, the seal should have broken just as we were leaving.”

That had to be a hard thing. The real Davenport coming out of whatever had been done to him just to find the world ending. Barry had to hope the end had just come quickly enough for him that he never noticed it.

“Well… For better or for worse, you’re here now. We all are. Not like we’re leaving any time soon. It’s been thirteen years and we’re still going. I have a feeling that it’s going to be a long time before this ends.”

“I hate to say it, but I feel it too. We don’t even know what this is yet.”

“If only we could study this as well as we have the Light. I’ve made my own observations on the Hunger, and even had Lucretia point out something to me but it’s just not much to go on. Realistically the best way to figure it out would be to just let it kill me again but I’m not sure I’m up for that.”

“Do not go getting killed for scientific research, Barry.” Davenport points a finger at Barry, giving him a serious look.

“I’m not! I’m curious but not that curious. If it’s going to happen then it’ll happen naturally. Definitely not on a world like this. Can’t swim to save my life, can’t even really float.”

“Good, because you’ve died enough already.”

Barry chuckles and shakes his head, letting the conversation die out there. After a few minutes he gets up and gives Davenport a wave before heading to his room. He grabs his notepad and writes down what he’d learned about the gnome before flipping to a blank page and writing it all out.

Taako Tacco – Edward

Lup Tacco – Lydia

Magnus Burnsides – Governor Kalen

Merle Hightower Highchurch – Pan

Lucretia – Noelle Redcheek

Captain Davenport – Leon

Barry Bluejeans – Sildar Hallwinter

All seven of them, with the identities they’d chosen and the ones they’d left behind to varying degrees. Seven fakers.

Chapter Text

The next few years aren’t any easier than the rest, but they’ve fallen into a rhythm. Show up at a new planar system, wait a week for the Light of Creation to fall from the sky, and then the hunt is on for the rest of the year. The next three years are like that and there are thankfully no deaths, just a couple close calls. Then they come to cycle seventeen. They try to watch for the Light, all of them do, and they do see it fall. It just falls in the worst possible position. Of course they make their way to the other side of the planet, Barry and Davenport trading off on flying so they can both get some sleep and make their way to their destination faster.

As they check out this world though, they all seem to come to an agreement. There’s just no life here. Plant life sure, and Barry knows Merle is just thrilled about that, but no people. Nothing sentient. Not the first time it’s happened but it’s rare. There’s not even a sign of civilization for the longest time until they come across what appears to be a tiered city. It’s definitely old, and the bottom of it is flooded, but it’s beautiful to look at regardless. Then they come across something that shocks Barry and Lucretia both.

Robots. Ones that act human. Once Magnus and Taako are sent to check it out, Barry follows Lucretia to her room. He barely has to knock before she’s opening the door. As soon as he’s inside and the door is locked, she drops her disguise and hugs him. He holds her small robotic body close and does his best to comfort her. He’d learned that some touch to the right places was enough to feel so he focuses on that.

After giving her a moment, Barry speaks up. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know.”

That was about the response he’d been expecting really. So he just waits, continuing to offer comfort. “We don’t know that they’re like you. Right now all we know is that they’re robots. They could just be what’s left of the civilization that used to be here.”

What they find out from Taako and Magnus seems to confirm the theory of them just being robots, at least at first. Until a week later Magnus mentions that it’s human souls in the robots while they’re all at the table. When Lucretia suddenly drops her fork and rushes off, everyone is confused except for Barry. He grills Magnus for all the information he can before taking off after Lucretia.

This time, he doesn’t knock. He simply enters her room and locks the door. When he does, he’s glad no one had followed him because the disguise is already gone. She’s floating back and forth like she’s pacing and something about it catches Barry off guard. A robot seemingly pacing like a human, because she is still human under that casing. Her soul is, at least. Just like the souls of those robots on the planet below.

“Lucretia?” When this doesn’t get a response, Barry tries his next trick. “Noelle.”

Finally, she stops and turns to Barry. It’s barely a second before she’s zooming over into his hold. The small metal frame of her body shaking as her arms wrap around him. Barry holds her tightly, offering comfort.

“They’re like me, Barry. I-I don’t… What do I do? I don’t know how to handle this. What if they can see? And tell the others?”

“They won’t. You said it yourself that the animals in cycle one couldn’t see the real you. Why would these… I don’t know what to call them. Point is, they won’t notice. But I’ll stick with you, alright? I’m not leaving your side this cycle. I promise.”

“Barry… You don’t have to do that. I’m grown, I can handle myself.”

“Too late, already promised. Now I gotta.”

That prompts a laugh from Lucretia, and Barry grins. That’s a success in his book. He’d calmed her down enough to get a laugh and had promised to stick by her. That was a promise he intended to keep.

When the next day, Merle asks Lucretia to come with him and write down the stories of the souls in the robots, Barry just so happens to be nearby and offers to tag along. That prompts a sideways glance from the dwarf, but he reluctantly agrees to it. Not that Barry would be taking no for an answer. So that’s what the three of them do for about the remainder of the cycle. They go down and talk with these souls, listen to their stories, and Lucretia copies them all down in her journals. All the while, Barry keeps an eye on her.

When the others all want to go on this dive to see whatever the mysterious power source Lup and Taako found is, Barry knows he’s staying behind because he can’t swim. So of course Lucretia is quick to stay behind as well. They don’t know what’s down there and she’s making sure he can keep his promise. It’s definitely not necessary by this point, none of the souls have noticed that she’s like them, but the two of them have become close. Once again Barry thinks about the fact that they’re all becoming a family.

The crystal containing nearly all the souls of the inhabitants of this world is a shock to them both, and so is the fact that Taako just has it shrunk down in his pocket , but Barry and Lucretia resolve to just ignore it. Like this, those souls couldn’t interact with anything so it wasn’t a worry. They likely weren’t even aware of anything outside the crystal. It’s not like that had been explained at all.

When the week is up, and they all leave, Barry is struck with a new thought when he listens to Lup talk. They may all be becoming a family, but he’s falling for her. And falling hard.

Chapter Text

A few cycles later they stumble onto what is simultaneously one of the best world’s, and Barry’s worst nightmare. Nearly the whole planet is covered in an ocean with a few islands scattered around here and there. It’s beautiful, and when the Light falls, they grab it easily. So easily that Davenport calls for a break this year. The seven of them of them can just have a break from all the running and fighting they’ve been doing for the past two decades.

Now that’s a thought, two decades. This is cycle 21. Realistically, Barry should be old and graying now. Magnus and Lucretia, or her disguise at least, should be his age. But they’re all still just as they were when they first left their home behind. At times it’s just something that doesn’t bother him, but at random times the thought sneaks up on him and steals his breath away. They’ve already been doing this for so long with no end in sight. He wonders if this will just continue on forever. The seven of them, hopping from planar system to planar system, searching for the Light of Creation and trying to keep it away from The Hunger.

But this is not the year for that. This is the year for rest, and relaxation. Even though Magnus seems to determined to scare all of them when he’s not suddenly throwing things into the air for Lup to blast. Barry is always quick to look over when he hears Magnus do that. Not because it startles him, but just to watch. To watch Lup. The way she’s so quick to react, the smile it brings to her face, the little laugh she does. All of it makes his stomach do flips and his heart flutter in his chest. It’s only been four years since he realized that he’s fallen for her, and since then he’s fallen hard.

Then comes the other feelings. Watching everyone have fun in the water while he just sits on the beach, unable to join them. It’s sad and he knows it. Even Lucretia is out there! He’d been made aware that she was waterproof and her disguise reacted to outside stimulus so there was no obvious signs that something was wrong. He truly was the only one left behind. So after a few months of watching, Barry decides to do something about it.

Approaching Taako wasn’t hard. While they weren’t the closest, all seven of them were close in some way. So when Taako comes back from surfing, he gets up and makes his way over, brushing the sand off some.

“Boy, that was a good day out there today, Taako. You were really- You were really eatin that foam up, just really carving that spray. Um… Hey, can I ask you, um… Can I ask you a favor?” It was awkward as hell, and he knew it.

“Sure. Yeah, of course.”

That easy answer is what spurs Barry on. “ I made myself, like, pretty vulnerable here and I hope that you can appreciate that and I know that we haven’t- We’ve been traveling together for, um, two decades but we haven’t really had much time to get to know each other, um… Will you- Ah, fuck… Will you teach me how to swim?”

“Yeah- Wait… Oh, you’re kind of a barney, huh?”

“A what?” He’d heard enough of how Taako had talked in the past few months to know that this was some ‘surfer lingo’ that the elf claimed others used. It was all bullshit, but he’d put up with it.

“ Barney. It’s surfer slang. It’s like an inexperienced surfer. We call it a- We call em a barney.”

Despite how Taako says it, Barry can’t help but notice the similarities between this word and his name. Regardless, he pushes on. “ I’m- I mean, I’ll never get up on that graceful board and carve that spray the way you do but just like, everybody else goes swimming all the time and I just don’t know how to do it and it’s like… It’s getting to the point where it’s like, I’m a grown-ass man and it’s just kind of embarrassing and, I don’t know… It’s stupid. I can ask Magnus if you want I just thought, maybe. You’re just so good out there on the water that maybe-”

“What did you say? What did you need?” The voice of Magnus drifts over to them both.

“Boy, this beach really- Sound really carries across it, huh?” It’s then that Barry realizes that he can still hear Merle barfing. Honestly he’s sure the dwarf is just playing it up at this point. Being a god, he likely has no idea how long something like that is supposed to last. It’s a little funny.

“Did you say somethin? I heard my name.”

Once again, Barry ignores Magnus, focusing on Taako. “ It’s just, every time- every- every time Merle barfs, I hear it no matter where I am. It’s just sort of in my head constantly. Taako, will you teach me how to fucking swim, please? I’m just gettin- I’m- Now I’m gettin’ antsy.”

“Yeah, my man. Dawn patrol. We’ll get out there first thing in the morning.” Taako smiles, and Barry smiles right back at him.

The next few months are interesting, but Barry does what he’d set out to do. He learns how to swim. Earplugs are a must for him to even make it possible, but once they figure it out things get easier. Every morning he watches Taako surf, the earplugs go in when the elf puts his board up on the beach, and the two of them do swimming lessons until Barry is too tired to continue. He loves every minute of it, and loves just how much closer to Taako he is because of it. He feels almost as close to Taako as he does Lucretia.

It’s just about the end of the year, and Barry doesn’t want this to end. This has been one of the most peaceful years of his life, even if he includes his life before all of this. But before it all ends, he knows he had to talk about it. Otherwise there’s the very real chance Taako will just pretend it never happened. He’s seen that enough times.

“ Boy, Taako, I appreciate it. I feel like I’ve… There have been times where I haven’t been able to hang out with everybody cause y’all go swimmin and there are times where there’s people I, like, you know, want to hang out with and I just haven’t been able to do it and that’s not a good look and it makes me look like a big nerd and I um…” That was not where he’d meant to go with this, but Taako’s answering hum gets him to continue. “It’s just that- I just, like- I don’t know. It’s… Nevermind, it’s stupid. Thanks for teaching me how to swim!”

“Wh- Well, what? I’m mean, you… You coulda just come out with this. I mean what are you… Who are you afraid of looking silly in front of?”

Oh he knew that tone. That may be questioning, but it wouldn’t be for long. “ It’s- Don’t worry about it. It’s nothin. I, uh… I-”

“ Barry~!”

Ignoring that, he pushes on. “ We should get back to the ship.”

Moving towards Barry, Taako pushes on in a singsong voice. “ Barry, I rolled an eleven~! You gotta tell me Barry!”

Best to just get it over with then. There was no stopping Taako when he was like this. “ I just think, you know, it’s like all of you… I don’t wanna be- I don’t wanna embarrass myself in front of and, like… For example, just like… For example, like… Like… Lup. I look… I look-”

“Okay… ”

Ignoring that tone, Barry pushes through his explanation. “ Yeah, I look up to Lup a lot. You know, I don’t wanna be out there flounderin around, splashin around like some sort of goobus so, um… Just thank- Just-”

“Uh, I see where you’re going with this, Barry. You- Listen, this is not a surprise to me. You’ve ever heard the term ‘locked in’? It’s when a wave crashes and the surfer is inside it. Um, so… Barry, you’re locked in and this wave’s crashin all around you, my man and I- I don’t begrudge you anything. You know, we’ve lost a lot, uh, and there’s a lot more we might lose but the one thing we do have is the thing that people in love rarely ever have enough of and it’s time.”

The fact that Taako isn’t surprised is enough to keep Barry from groaning at the use of more ‘surfer lingo’. He can’t wait for this cycle to be over. “ Oh, I- I don’t know about… You know, I don’t know about in love. It’s only been fou- Um… Four years…”

“Barry, I- You got all the time in the world, my man.”

That much is true. These cycles didn’t seem like they would end any time soon, and none of them were aging. So he really did have all the time he needed for this. Time to come to terms with it, time to reconcile with the fact that Lup might not like him back, and on the chance she did like him… Time to just be with her. More time than he would have ever had under normal circumstances. It’s that thought that carries him through the few remaining weeks. When they leave this plane, and Barry is back in his room, he takes a private moment for himself. His feelings had come on quickly, but the rest didn’t have to move so fast. He had time. And that thought makes him smile. A smile he carries with him as he finally leaves his room to join the rest of the crew on deck.

It was a new cycle, and they had things to do.

Chapter Text

The next few cycles are just getting back to the norm. They win some, they lose some, all in all nothing out of the ordinary. Barry spends these cycles just studying whatever scientific thing he can get his hands on if they don’t get the Light fairly quickly. On the cycles they do get the Light early though, he starts doing tests. Tests that let him know a few things. Like that the Light of Creation should not be licked; no matter how much Taako and Magnus goad him into it. Nothing had tasted right for a month after and Lup had taken to making him something different. Some part of him wanted to do it again just so she would keep cooking for him like that.

Another thing he’d learned is that the Light weighed differently for the each of them. He could pick it up with ease and so could Lucretia. Magnus had the next easiest time with it, followed by Merle and Davenport who said it weighed about the same to the two of them. Then came the twins. They could hold it, but both agreed it wasn’t something they’d want to cart around for too long. Like a heavy rock. Barry wasn’t sure of the significance of that until it hit him in cycle twenty-nine.

The Light weighed next to nothing to Barry and Lucretia because they had nothing to fear from death. Barry had come to terms with the fact that he would die and Lucretia had died and come back even before this trip. Magnus came next because he didn’t mind dying. Davenport had a healthy appreciation about it and apparently Merle did too despite his status as a god. To Taako and Lup though, dying meant separation, even if for however long until the end of the cycle. They’d already lost their brother, losing each other was torture every time. That thought made Barry just care about the both of them that much more.

It’s those thoughts that follow him into cycle thirty. When he comes onto the deck and finds Taako and Lup clinging to each other. Taako had gotten himself killed, thankfully not in front of Lup, early that cycle. While it was instantaneous for Taako, it wasn’t for Lup. But they both grabbed onto each other regardless. A bond that strong couldn’t be tempered by anything, not even death.

That’s what prompts Barry to spend the year with Davenport again. Merle is off doing spiritual things, Magnus is apparently coaching some kind of little league team, the twins are off restaurant hopping, and Lucretia is learning what she can. So Barry opts to stay on the Starblaster with Davenport. The two of them talk a lot, and come to a silent agreement in those talks. When it’s just them on the ship, they’re no longer Barry Bluejeans and Captain Davenport. They’re Sildar Hallwinter and Leon. It’s a nice feeling. Barry Bluejeans doesn’t feel like a disguise anymore, just a part of him. But Sildar Hallwinter is who he grew up as. He can see that Leon feels the same.

It’s during these talks that Sildar learns of just what Leon has been doing these past three decades. Any time the dwarf isn’t on the ship, and it’s a rare thing, he’s finding magical artifacts and putting them in a gachapon machine he keeps in his quarters. Sildar takes the time to flip through the book of things that Leon has found, and smiles a little at the familiar handwriting of Lucretia. That didn’t surprise him in the slightest with how the book’s been categorized and alphabetized. He just couldn’t see the gnome doing that on his own. Even if he was one of the more organized ones on the ship.

In the evenings, when the crew minus Merle make their way back, the two of them slip back into being Barry and Davenport. The six of them sit at the table and mostly enjoy what leftovers Taako and Lup bring back from their trips. Lucretia of course, always comes with the excuse that she’d eaten while she was studying. Barry can only wonder how much longer that excuse can last. Truthfully he’s just glad that most of them are too tired to notice it. Eventually though, Lucretia’s excuses would run out and they’d have a problem on their hands. He knew that would be the day it would all come out, because he wouldn’t hesitate to call them all out if they tried to get onto her about it. She might be lying, but they all were. Lucretia’s lie just changed a quite bit more about her than the rest of them. Except maybe Merle.

When the end of the year comes and the secret is still safe, Barry is thankful. This year wasn’t as relaxing as the beach world, but it was a close second. The memories would be something he’d look back on fondly for a long time. He was sure Davenport would too.

The only bad thing is the sudden death of Merle after he tried Parlay for the first time. Watching the smoke that had been the dwarf’s figure just dissipate like that had caused him to feel a little sick. He’d heard what Parlay meant, and that Merle’s life was on the line when he would do this, but to see it happen was something else. Talking to an enemy such as The Hunger was bound to be fairly dangerous. He just wasn’t sure he wanted to know if it was because of Parlay that Merle, a god in disguise, had died; or if it was the power of The Hunger. If it was The Hunger, that just meant a lot of things that Barry didn’t want to think about.

Over the next handful of cycles, Barry never really gets used to that. Just watching Merle’s form turn to smoke and then dissipating. Even when it becomes a decade of watching that, he can’t get used to it. It’s always just so sudden. One minute there, the next gone. He’s certain Merle will just continue to do it until finally he comes back after they’re hitting the forty-seventh cycle and says he’s done for a while. If he ever goes back to it all. Apparently the guy had been a ‘sanctimonious bastard’. That, at least, had gotten a chuckle out of them. Just in time for them all to be hit with a wave of noise that nearly knocks them all over.

Chapter Text

The cacophony of sounds is eventually something they all manage to pick through. Each of them heard or saw something that spoke to them in that chaos. As they make their way down they all talk it through and work on figuring out who saw what. It’s likely not important, just more a judge of character. To see what stuck out the most. Barry is surprised to find that he and Lup heard the same thing. A duet of some kind. It’s loud and brash and they both picked it out for different reasons, but they both picked it out. He pointedly ignores the look Taako gives him and misses Taako giving Lup that exact same look.

After they land, the seven of them find out about the Light of Creation and Barry is confused by one thing. If the Light has somehow fallen here of all places, then how exactly have they built up this whole society around it? It doesn’t make much sense to him. Those thoughts though are quickly discarded when they learn just what the Light is used for here. It’s amazing, and explains what had happened to them when they’d entered this planar system. When they’re told that maybe if they submit something they’ll be allowed into the mountain, he’s not surprised when they all readily agree.

What surprises him is when Lup comes to him after the others split off, asking to do a duet of some kind. It really shouldn’t be that much of a surprise of course. Ever since the beach year he’d done his best to spend plenty of time with her. He didn’t monopolize her time, but he did end up with quite a bit of it. Whether is was just talking while he worked on studying the Light, going out to explore together, or even her teaching him a little about cooking when Taako wasn’t feeling up to it. Barry knew of course that it was just Taako’s way of giving him time with Lup and he appreciated it. It made that time feel all the more precious. Taako had given his blessing in his own way about this and Barry loved him for it. Taako was already his friend, and this just pulled them closer in a way. Although he was also sure that the elf just liked to be lazy every now and then.

Focusing on the present moment, Barry agrees to the duet. The two of them spend a couple weeks deciding on the instruments they want, and then a couple more on what kind of tone this duet should have. They spend months writing it. Each note painstakingly picked and tested over and over again. They spend long hours just working on making the two halves of this duet flow together. In their breaks they simply sit and talk. They talk about their voyage, the things they’ve experienced, Barry even tells Lup about the bet he’d had with Davenport and smiles as she laughs. That laugh just makes him fall even more in love with her. Each little thing she does makes those feelings grow. At times he’ll lose focus and just watch her play the violin until she realizes he isn’t playing anymore. He stutters an apology each time and turns back to the piano, missing the fond look she throws his way before they start up again.

As they get closer and closer to the end of the year, Barry catches himself about to tell Lup how he feels more and more. The week before they’re to present their duet, it’s happening every couple hours. In the morning when they meet, during the breaks they take just to go over things, the breaks to eat, and when they part for the night in the hall of the Starblaster. It’s a struggle to not tell her. To not lean over and kiss her when they’re sitting next to each other. Somehow he manages to hold himself back though. Manages to not say anything, to not lean in, to not show her just how much he loves her. At times he knows she’s seeing that restraint, and that she’s curious, but thankfully she never asks. He knows that if she did, he’d tell her. There would be no stopping the words that would flow from his mouth. Every little thing he’s ever thought about her will spill from his lips and he won’t be able to stop himself until it’s all out there. But there’s a conversation he wants to have first. One he plans to have after they submit their duet. He’s just thankful they’re going last and won’t have to be rude to the others.

The duet goes off without a hitch, and Barry is just glad that he’s got his back to Lup because he knows he’d otherwise get distracted. The whole thing is just over three minutes long, and for those three minutes, he pours his love for Lup into the notes he plays. Behind him, he swears Lup is doing the same. When they’re done, he stands and takes her hand for the over the top bow they’d planned. He only vaguely registers putting their sheet music on the pedestal, because his hand is still in Lup’s. They stare at each other for a moment and she speaks before he can.

“Barry, do you wanna go talk somewhere for a while?”

“Yeah.” And he means that wholeheartedly.

Without another word, Lup sets her violin aside and the two of them walk off. Even as the light flashes behind them and the song is erased from their minds, the love is not. When the light flashes again and the song comes back, they both smile. Their duet is back, just as they both knew it would be. And Barry realizes something important.

The capacity for love increases with each person someone cross paths with throughout their lives, and which each moment they spend with those people. But, too often that part gets neglected in favor of others. And by the time the realization of just how important that is, there are with fewer folks around to practice with. But the seven of them have something that nobody else ever has: time. All the time in the world. Time enough to grow indescribably close. Time enough to learn how to care for each other, how to allow themselves to be cared for. And in this case, time enough to fall deeply and truly in love.

Barry learned later that he was the one to feel it first, back on the robot world, just as they were leaving. He remembered that moment well. Learning just when Lup had figured it out had shocked him. The beach world, when he’d had his conversation with Taako. She hadn’t heard all of it, but enough to know that he didn’t want to embarrass himself in front of her. That had made her think about her own feelings. Hearing that made him thankful for how the sound had carried around that beach. If only so it brought him to this moment. This beautiful moment with Lup.

After finding a quiet spot, the two of them settle in and Barry turns to her. “Before uh… Before we do anything else. I need to tell you something.”

“I need to tell you something too.”

The trust in those words tells him just what Lup wants to say. Since he knows though, he goes first. “My name isn’t Barry Bluejeans.” He ignores the snort and look he gets. “My name is Sildar Hallwinter. I was on the run from some guys and stumbled onto the Starblaster. So I just hid there the night before the voyage started. I uh… I actually woke up as things were going to shit.”

“Oh shit… That was probably terrifying.” Lup squeezes Barry’s hand. Neither of them let go and likely weren’t going to for a while. “Alright uh, my turn I guess. Talked to dorkus about it since it involves him too. My name isn’t Lup, it’s-”

“Lydia. I know.” Best to just get that out of the way. “I told you about the bet with Davenport. I heard you and your brother, Edward, out on the deck that first night. I was up near the helm, heard the whole thing.”

“Oh. Way to steal my thunder.”

“Sorry!” Barry squeezes Lup’s hand as she laughs a little. “I just didn’t want you to get all worried. I know and it doesn’t change things.”

“You knew since the beginning, not much to change I guess. Nothing’s changed for me either. You’re still the same guy to me Barry.”

“I love you, Lydia. Lup. No matter which name or who you are. I love you.”

“I love you too Sildar.” Lup makes a face. “I will be sticking to Barry though. Sounds nicer to me.”

Barry laughs at that. He knew he’d get that kind of reaction and wholeheartedly accepted it. He knew when Taako learned of this, that it’d be the same for him. “That’s fine. Oh, and I know you were gonna tell him anyway, but you have my permission to tell him about that. I know about him, it’s only fair.”

“Oh he is gonna flip his shit when I tell him that you’ve known all along!” That prompts another laugh from the both of them. A laugh that gets a little muffled when they both lean in to kiss each other. It had been long enough.

Chapter Text

It’s only when the two of them make it back to the mountain hours later that they finally break apart. Barry lets go of Lup’s hand and she wanders off to Taako. When he catches the elf giving him a look, one that says Did you do it? and Barry gives a nod. After forty-seven years, a conversation is as easy as that. Lucretia, ever watchful, gives him her own look of confusion and he simply shakes his head Not right now, I’ll tell you later. and gets a nod in response. That easy trust makes him smile, and then he focuses on what’s going on. They’re all going to be allowed to try and access the mountain, which is good since there’s only a few weeks left until The Hunger shows up. Then all of this will be lost. It’s with that thought in mind that Barry tries to enter, and that thought sticks with him when they’re all redirected right back out of the cave. There’s only a few weeks left, and they can’t get to the Light of Creation. Davenport’s anxiety filled voice is what brings him back to the current moment.

“Well, well great, now what? The- the world’s boned in like, ten days unless we can get in there. Lup can you just blow it up?”

“Can I blow up...a mountain? I mean, yeah, but let’s save that for last resort, okay?”

Barry knew that would be answer, after what happened on the robot world. He focuses on Marlow as she speaks.

“ I’m gonna have to firmly request that you don’t blow up our sacred mountain.”

After that, the seven of them head back to the Starblaster. As much as Barry would love to spend more time alone with Lup, he splits off with Davenport so the two of them can talk. They were good at strategizing together and they needed to come up with a plan, and fast. They talk for a good while, Barry firmly reiterating several times that Lup blowing up the mountain is last resort. Even as Davenport lets slip an exasperated “Sildar”, Barry doesn’t let up on this. Lup said last resort, and Barry is going to make sure it stays that way.

“Are you thinking with your heart here, or your head, Barry?”

“I’m thinking with both, Davenport. I know you want to get to the Light, we all do, but I know you remember what Lup said in cycle seventeen.” Barry doesn’t even have to say which one that was, he can see that Davenport remembers it.

“Yeah… Yeah I remember. Alright, then blowing up the mountain is last resort. If The Hunger starts touching down and we don’t have the Light, the mountain goes.”

“I’ll let her know. For now, it’s late. How about we both get some sleep and think on it?”

It’s an easy agreement to make and they both head off to their rooms. Barry notices Magnus leaving the ship, but he can also see the restless movements and decides to leave the man be. He’s capable and their best fighter after all. Not that Barry hasn’t learned a few things over the years, but this cycle he hadn’t really been focused on that. So he’s not got that usual light muscle that he gets on the harder cycles. Not that he minds that fact one bit. He’d take less strength over spending time with Lup any day.

It’s the next morning that things go sideways, but Barry just takes that in stride. The Light of Creation may not be in the mountain, but that means Lup doesn’t have to blow it up. They’ve just got nine days to find it. So after a quick talk, Barry and Lup take the Starblaster to search the continent from above. Sure they don’t get to talk much during this, but it’s time spent alone together. When they take their breaks, those are spent in Barry’s room. The two of them just laying together on his bed. They’re too worn out to do much other than plan and sleep, but he loves it all the same. Going to sleep next to Lup and finding her still there when he wakes is the best thing he’s ever experienced. It’s something he wants to keep experiencing every day, but he knows that when this cycle is over, she’ll split the time between himself and Taako. Something he knew would happen from the beginning and has never minded. He and Lup may be in love, but Taako is her twin.

When they eventually find nothing a couple days later and come back to the Legato conservatory, the obvious tensions bring Barry down from his high. Regardless, he sticks close to Lup. So he’s right next to her when The Hunger comes early, and he hears Magnus talking to her.

“ Lup? Don’t. Leave. Without. Me.”

That’s the most serious Magnus has ever been, Barry thinks wildly. He can tell that Lup is thinking the same as she responds.

“ What are you- why? We need to get- we need to- we need gotta bounce. Look up. Look up, bud. It’s, it’s the Big H. It’s time to roll.”

“Do you remember with the robits? And you stopped us all from doing something terrible?”

And oh Lup’s words as they left that cycle ring in Barry’s ears as he continues to listen.

“ Yeah…”

“I’m stopping you all. Don’t. Leave. Without me.”

That’s all it takes for the two of them. Barry’s learned some magic over the years, so he pulls his wand and starts firing off shots, Lup next to him doing the same as Magnus runs off. He notices Lucretia following after and that just makes him fire off higher level spells. She hasn’t died yet, and she’s not going to on his watch. That’s his little sister and he’d promised to keep her safe. That’s exactly what he intends to do. As the five of them fire off spells, Barry is watching the mouth of the cave intently, and is relieved when he spots Magnus and Lucretia rushing over. He can see that Magnus has something but he has no idea what. At the moment, it doesn’t matter. The six of them rush onto the Starblaster and hold on for dear life as Davenport gets them out of there. Barry is quick to rush out on deck as soon as they’re in the next planar system, but stops short when he sees just what Magnus has. Things have just gotten interesting for the seven of them.