Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Midoriya Izuku POV

Izuku reaches down into the koi pond, grabbing his drenched notebook lying in the water. Shaking it off, he looks inside to see what is salvageable, only to be met with smudges of ink and withering parchment. He flips through each page, desperately searching for anything remotely readable. His heart sinks when he finds that all his hard work is destroyed, not a single identifiable letter left. He gives a defeated huff and drops it back into the pond with a quiet splash.

“All it’s good for now is fish food,” He mumbles angrily. Turning away from the pond, he begins making his way back home. As he's walking, he pulls another notebook out of his backpack. It looks just like the other one, but drier and with a “14” on it rather than a “13.” Izuku grabs a pencil from his bag while it’s open, then slings the bag behind him onto his back. After his bag is secure, he starts the long process of rewriting everything he can remember from his old notebook. Hero after hero goes by as he walks and writes, Crust, Godzillo, Mick, X, Mr. Plastic, and on and on his list goes. He keeps writing until the sun suddenly stops lighting his page. He looks up and finds himself in a tunnel. He is almost to the end of the tunnel when a strange noise begins coming from the sewer grate behind him. It rattles a bit, before flinging up into the air, and a strange creature of slime leaps out. It sees him and sloshes towards him, rapidly.

“Yes, you‘ll do nicely,” it says as it encases his body and begins to drown him. His backpack is flung to the side as he struggles. Midoriya tries to gasp for air, only to invite more slime into his lungs. He scrapes frantically and fruitlessly at the slime entering his mouth as dark edges and spots begin to invade his vision.

“Thanks, kid, you’re my hero,” the villain said. An ugly feeling struck Izuku in the chest when he heard that. ‘I’m going to die here’, dark thoughts begin to intrude, ‘Well damn, Kachan was right. Jumping off the roof probably would’ve been less painful than this.’

He knows that his time is limited when his thoughts have a hard time staying untangled and clear, he can barely hold onto a thought, let alone his life. ‘Guess I’m not even worth a hero’s saving, now that’s worthless.’ That final clear thought bounces through his mind as everything fades into a void of pain.

He’s woken to a series of light slaps to his face.

“Wake up, wake up. Are you okay?” The person slapping him said. The voice sounded so familiar Izuku, could have sworn he recognized it, but his brain felt too foggy. He opened his eyes to see the smiling face of the number one hero, All Might, right in front of him. The fog suddenly blew away and Izuku quickly sat up with an excited shout of “All Might!”

The boisterous man's grin seems to widen even further after seeing the boy move and speak. "Yes! I am here!" He shouts with his constant energetic tone. "I'm glad you're okay! Sorry 'bout getting you caught up in my villain fight!"

Izuku was awestruck, he had been saved by All Might himself! He had to ask All Might if he could be a hero, if anyone knew, it would be him. Obviously, the greatest hero of all time would have the right answer for him. It's not like he’d ever get the chance to ask again! He gets lost in his thoughts, consequently tuning out the number one hero in the process. Through the chaos of his mind, All Might’s words finally break through. "Well, I'd better turn this criminal in at the station!" And instantly snaps back to attention.

"Wait!" He loudly pleads, his hand reaching out towards the hero as if that can stop his chance from slipping away. Allmight just continues to turn away from the boy and stretch out his legs,

"I'm sorry young one, but time waits for no hero!" The Hero calls back, and Izuku begins to lose confidence. He doesn't want to take All Might's time… but he has to. This could change his entire life, he just needed the strength to keep going!

"Can someone quirkless like me be a hero like you?" He nearly screams out the words at the hero. All Might seems to freeze at his words, and so Izuku keeps going, with less yelling this time. "I don't have a quirk, but all I've ever strived to do is to be a hero who fearlessly saves people with a smile! Just like you. So please, just tell me, can I be a hero?!"

Allmight turns back around to face Izuku, strange smoke beginning to emit from the man. "Can you be a hero without a quirk…?" He repeats Izuku's words as if thinking them over. The smoke around the hero begins to worsen, covering the man with the fog. Izuku takes a cautious step back, unsure of what was happening. A moment later, a small gust of wind blows the smoke away, leaving a blond skeleton of a man in All Might's place.

Before the tall man can speak again, Izuku interrupts with concern, "All Might… what happened to you? Should I call for help? Or is this… normal?" As he speaks, Izuku recalls that All Might had been showing signs of something being wrong over the past couple of years. Every year he seemed to appear less and less, the public hadn't noticed, but Izuku had. He had written it off at the time, perhaps the hero was just trying to focus on his personal life? The man standing before him now, however, made him wonder if something more had happened.

The deflated All Might sighs, “You can’t tell anyone about this or write about it online, even accidentally. This is top secret stuff.” He walks over to a nearby street lamp post and slides his back down it, supporting himself as he sits on the ground. Izuku gives him a nod, understanding the weight of the information about to be shared, and then the hero continues. He pulls up his oversized white shirt to reveal his stomach, or at least, what should’ve been his stomach. The red, webbed scar covers his entire mid-right torso, the tendrils slithering to the middle of his stomach. “This is an injury I got from an enemy’s attack five years ago. Half of my respiratory organs were destroyed and I lost my whole stomach. I’ve become emaciated from repeated surgeries and the after-effects.” His whole frame seems to sag in sadness and defeat as he continues, “Right now, I can only work as a hero for about three hours a day.”

Izuku inhaled sharply, he was right, this was why All Might was slowly disappearing. But five years ago… “Was it the fight you had with Toxic Chainsaw? He’s the only one strong enough to have maybe done it within that timeline.” He asks with his brows knitted in worry and concentration. But All Might slowly shakes his head.

“You’re well informed, but a punk like that couldn’t defeat me. This fight was not made public to the world, I asked that it not be. I hope that you can see now that Pros are always risking their lives. I smile fearlessly so that they can have the confidence to fight their fears and trick my own. Because of that, I cannot simply say ‘You can be a hero even without powers.’ I’m sorry young man, but you cannot be a hero.”

Izuku takes a step back as if distancing himself from the hero can protect him from the man’s words. He can feel the dangerous well of tears that threatens to spill over as he struggles to say something, anything, in response. After a moment all he can get out is a small, heart-shattering, “I see…” and casts his gaze to the ground.

“It’s not bad to dream, but you must know when to be realistic.” All Might continues as he begins to stand up again. “If you want to help people, become a police officer, or a doctor. They do fine work in those fields, and even someone like you can join safely.” The man pauses to say one more thing, “I again ask that you don’t post anything online about what I showed you today, it could put many people in a lot of danger.” He doesn’t wait for the young boy to respond, and heads back to the main street, leaving Izuku alone once again.

He unsteadily walks to his discarded backpack and bends down to retrieve it. As he grasps the bag’s strap, he can feel his tears begin to spill over and run down his cheeks. ‘Someone like me…? Quirkless. Worthless. Does that mean All Might thinks I’m a Deku too?’ His gaze stays downward as the self-deprecating thoughts run through his mind. Lost in his thoughts, he almost doesn't see the hero notebook lying on the ground a few feet away. Willing himself to at the very least, get his things collected, he slides the backpack around his shoulder and staggers, emotionally drained, toward his hero journal.

Izuku picks it up and looks at the almost shiny new cover, ‘Is there even a point to keep this anymore?’ There’s a tiny spark in his heart, telling him, ‘ All Might is wrong, you don’t need his validation.’ He has his journal, and maybe one day he can use it to be a hero and prove to All Might that quirkless doesn’t mean useless. He flips open the notebook and freezes.

All Might’s signature is sprawled across two blank pages near the back. He throws the book as far from him as possible without even thinking. His hands wouldn't stop shaking; they burned. The notebook felt like it had scorched them.

How dare he? How dare he! All Might took my work and tainted it with his name, then looked me in the eyes and said I couldn't do it. Izuku clenches his still-shaking hands into fists and glowers at the notebook on the ground. I don't want to take part in anything that has his name on it. Nothing.

He continues walking home, leaving the notebook on the ground to rot, not bothering to give it another second of his day.

In what felt like less than an instant, Izuku was walking through the front door of his home, the sounds of his mother bustling around in the kitchen bringing him back to reality. The idea of talking to her after all the awful events of the day wasn't appealing, so he quickly and quietly closed the front door behind him, slipped off his shoes, and ran to his room. He knew that she would've seen him running by, so he didn't bother being quiet with his door and slammed it shut in his haste, locking it tightly.

Finally, alone in the privacy of his room, he feels the tears threatening to resurface again, until he looks up. Somehow, amid today's events, Izuku had forgotten something very important about his room. Today had turned his room, once a safe place for him to express his admiration for a hero he adored, into dangerous grounds. Every wall held pictures of that mocking face, and every surface available held memorabilia of all those victories that Izuku himself would never be able to reach.

All Might was everywhere.

Izuku's chest felt heavy, his skin itching, his hands eager to destroy. He decides to indulge them. It's more like he's on his feet and running to tear down the nearest poster before he can think about it, but when it happens, he doesn't choose to stop. Poster after poster, he rips and tears, crumples and destroys. He leaves the tape and the thumbtacks on the wall, much too absorbed in his rage to care about cleaning it up. When the paper shreds cover every last surface in his room, it's still not enough. He begins throwing his figurines, some against the wall, and some just on the floor. One figure, a glass one, he uses both of his hands to slam it down on his desk until it shatters. The shards pierce his hands but he barely feels it, the adrenaline is enough to block it out. He lifts his hands and looks at the palms, the red blood beginning to cover them reminds him of the bright reds and warm colors of Kachan's explosions. That, and the defeating feeling of it all, reminds him of earlier that day, right after school.

Kachan approached him once everyone else had left the classroom and tore Izuku’s notebook right out of his hands. “We’re not done talking yet Deku.”

The blonde’s two lackeys make their way over, “Katsuki, what’s that?” and he holds up the notebook for their inspection, “Huh ‘Hero Analysis for the Future’? Seriously?” They start laughing at Izuku.

Izuku stands up but keeps his gaze down, “Nothing wrong with that… is there? Just give it back…” Kachan explodes the cover of the notebook almost instantly after Izuku finishes speaking, causing the more petite boy to jump back at the noise and lift his head. Before he can get the guts to say anything back to his bully, the blonde throws the book behind him, letting it fly out the window and into the koi pond outside. A quiet, “Wha-” begins to escape him before he’s quickly interrupted.

“Most top first-string heroes have stories about them from their school days. I want the glory of being able to be called the only student to make it into U.A. from this mediocre city junior high school. I mean, I’m a perfectionist.” He takes a step towards Izkuk and grabs his shoulder threateningly, letting his palm heat up the smaller boy’s uniform and causing it to begin smoking. “So anyway, don’t apply to U.A., nerd.” He lets Izuku go after gifting him a sinister grin and begins to leave with his lackeys

Right as they reach the door, however, the blonde turns to speak once more. “If you want to be a hero that badly, there’s a quick way to do it. Believe that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a last chance swan-dive off the roof!” A sinister round of cackles rings throughout the hallway as the bully group leaves Izuku to his thoughts.

His thoughts linger on the past, ‘Maybe… Just maybe Kachan was right, maybe it was the only wa-’ Loud, frantic knocks on his bedroom door jerk Izuku from his thoughts and plant his train of thought back in the real world.

“Izuku, honey?” Inko, his mother, calls through the door, concern radiating in her voice. “Are you alright? I heard all those loud noises… You’re not hurt are you?”

“No, no I’m fine! Just umm..” He glances at the chaos of his room. Out. He needed to get out of there. “tripped. I tripped.” Izuku cracks his door open enough to slip out of his room without letting his mom see inside and shuts it quickly after escaping the mess. “I’m going to go on a walk, I’ll be back for dinner.”

His mom’s eyebrows were furrowed in worry, but she uttered an “Alright then sweetie, be safe.” nonetheless.

After exiting the apartment, he runs. He runs and runs, and runs. It all becomes a blur, he isn’t even sure where his feet are taking him. He trusts them, however, trusts them to take him away from everything. ‘It’s just too much. I can’t anymore. Wait, what exactly can’t I do anymore? I.. I’m not sure…’ His feet slowed and he came to a stop. Izuku looks around, not sure where he wa- Oh. oh.

He had run to school.

His subconscious had brought him to the roof.

He hadn’t even noticed himself climbing over the railing.

Laughter erupted from his throat, it was mangled and raw, laced with rage. “Kachan was right. Of course he is, he’s always right!” Tears threaten to spill from his eyes, hot with pain. “I mean even All Might agreed with him…” He pauses, not even breathing for a moment. Then, he turns, his back facing the open air, his stomach only a breath away from the railing.

“I’ll let them be right then, them and the whole world.” And he leans back, letting gravity make him a martyr for the powerless. As his feet detach from the roof, only one sliver of regret flashes by him. He wouldn’t be home in time for dinner.

He wondered if his mother would miss him, as darkness surrounded him and a sharp pain echoed through his head.

Chapter Text

One second, Katsuki was enjoying the quiet relaxation of sleep, the next; his eyes were flying open at the sound of his door slamming open and his mother screaming his name. Not that his mother screaming was anything new to him, but it made him jump regardless.

"What do you want, Hag?" Katsuki couldn't help but mutter the words, he wasn't quite awake enough to scream back yet. It was already 9 p.m. according to a glance at his alarm clock, a whole thirty minutes past his bedtime. He would've started complaining then and there, but he could see the phone in his mother's hand, the anxiety creeping into her hushed voice and face.

"It's Izuku, Inko says he left on a walk hours ago and hasn't come home. I need you to come and help your father and me search around." Her voice was wrong. Katsuki wasn't used to his mother being a quiet person, but even then, it's just Deku right?

"Hah? He's probably fine, just missed the last train and has to walk back like an idiot."

Deku wasn't worth losing sleep over, but when his mother fires back a look and a sharp "Bakugou Katsuki." He doesn't waste a second more in sitting upright on his futon. Tuning out the sounds of his Mother trying to reassure her friend over the phone, and gets up to go to his closet, snagging a hoodie and throwing it on.

He follows her to the front door, and sees his Father there as well, slipping his shoes on with a furrowed brow. Katsuki follows suit by putting his shoes on and stepping out of the house. This was all so stupid, and of course, it was all Deku's fault. 'I would've thrown his whole damn bag into the koi pond if I knew he was gonna cause me this much grief tonight.' His thoughts towards the timid boy were agitated, as usual.

Once the trio gathers outside the front door, Katsuki listens quietly as his mother finishes the phone call. "Yes." "Of course, Inko." "No, no, no, you have to stay there in case he comes back." "Alright, I'll let you know." "We'll find him, he'll be okay. Promise." "Bye." She finally pulls her phone away from her ear and presses the red button on the screen. She slides it into her purse as she looks back up at the males in front of her. "Alright, so Inko is going to stay home in case we miss him heading back home. We'll split up to cover more ground and call each other if we find anything. Katsuki, I want you to check around the parks where you guys used to hang out and maybe even the school. Sound good?" He grunts begrudgingly in agreement, "Okay, be safe. And remember, call us if you find him!"

Bakugou, already walking away as she shouts her last instruction, just calls back a simple, "Yeah, yeah. I've got it, you Hag." He slides one earbud into his right ear and plugs the cord into his phone. He throws on some playlist he was listening to earlier that day and shoves his hands in his pockets.

"Fuckin' Deku. If his leg isn't broken or something I'll kill him!" He grumbles to the chilled spring air. In truth, he was pissed at this whole thing, but more than anything, he was tired. He figures Deku's just off somewhere moping about his stupid notebook or crying about being quirkless and worthless. Yeah, that sounds about right, Deku was always crying about something or other.

Park after park, he looks for the little green-haired nuisance. Calling out a variety of threats to entertain himself, as well as shouting out a "Deku!" and "Where the hell are you, you shitty nerd?!" or two. There were no signs of Deku at any of the parks he had seen, and he had about had it. "This is so stupid." He spits. 'I'll just check the dumb school and then go home, I've been out here for two hours already.'

The walk to the school was quiet besides the music blasting in one of his ears. The new moon causing the streets to be so dark that Katsuki could barely see his own feet without the streetlamps. The school was just as dark, if not more so. The building only had lights in the front. From far off, the school already looked like a lost cause, Deku certainly wasn't in the front. However, Bakugou knew his mother would murder him if she found out that he hadn't even bothered to do a quick loop around the building.

Once he reached the building, he could confirm his suspicions, there was no one in the front. An exasperated groan later, he turns to walk around the dumb building to look for the dumb nerd, one last time. The light from the lamp posts in front of the building reaches a fair way to the side of the building so he doesn't have any problems marking this location as Deku-free. The back is a bit of a different story, however. The light from the lamps is all but gone at this point but he trudges along regardless. He just has to walk around the dumb building, not investigate every spec of dirt to see if it had a dumb-ass green hair on it.

"Deku! If you're here, say something, or I'll kill you!" He shouts, not expecting anything but the breeze in response.

He stomps along the sidewalk, following the walls of the building for a few minutes until he loops around to the backside. There were no glowing lamps here, the lightbulbs had gone out sometime last year and none of the staff had felt a need to replace them. He's about to call out for the stupid nerd one last time when he realizes he stepped in something sticky.

Katsuki groans, “Great.” And takes a step back to get out of the stuff. He reaches for his phone and fiddles with the screen for a moment before he can get the flashlight turned on. When the light illuminates the ground in front of him, the world stops.

He hadn’t stepped in some kid’s gum, or even some animal’s shit like he had naturally assumed. No.

It was blood.

Deku’s blood.

He knew it was Deku’s because there he was, in the middle of the gorish puddle. He looked so wrong, lying in the crimson pool. His arms and legs were sprawled out at odd angles, bent in ways that limbs shouldn’t bend. There were even jagged bones poking out of one of his legs, dried blood trails stemmed from the wound. He was on his back, face to the sky.

Oh God, his face. His mouth was open, had he screamed; Katsuki wondered in his horror, or had he just gasped as his skull shattered against the pavement? And his eyes, they were so wide, so scared even in death. Katsuki had seen Deku scared many times and had himself been the cause of those wide eyes, but never like this. They weren’t just scared, they were full of pure terror. Had he not expected the fall or just not anticipated the pain? Oh damn, how much would this have hurt?

Katsuki's eyes look skyward, following Deku's blank to the school’s roof. Even through the darkness, He is reminded of earlier that day.

“Believe that you’ll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a last chance swan-dive off the roof!” Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Had he done this? Was this his fault? No, no it wasn’t his, it couldn’t be. He hadn’t meant the so-called “advice”. Stupid Deku. How could he have done this, been so selfish? God, didn’t he realize how stupid this was? How he couldn’t take this back?

‘He was scared when he fell’ A traitorous voice whispers and his head falls downwards to look at the corpse at his feet. Except it’s not at his feet anymore, he realizes, it’s at his knees. At some point he had fallen into a kneeling position, his knees falling into the scarlet pool surrounding Deku.

It was Katsuki’s turn to feel the churning of his stomach as he saw the way Deku’s blood had soaked into his jeans. Would it soak into his skin too? Would he ever be clean of this sin? No. He reprimands himself, and Deku did this to himself. This only hurt himself… and Auntie Inko; oh God.

Auntie Inko was still sitting at home, worried about her son and waiting for him to walk through her front door. He never would. He couldn’t leave her waiting, he just couldn’t.

Lifting his phone back to his face, he goes through the motions of finding his Mother’s contact and hitting the call button. He holds the phone to his ear and waits as it rings,

rings,

rings,

rin-

“Katsuki! Did you find him?” His Mother’s voice pours from his speaker.

“I-“ He tries to speak but a choked noise blocks his speech and has to try again. “Yeah.” He manages and takes a shaky breath before continuing, “Yeah, but he’s not coming home.”

“What? Is he angry or something? At least have him come over to our place until he can talk to Inko about what’s going-“

“No Mom.” He stops her, and for once, she is quiet. “He won’t be going home. He isn’t- He’s-“ The words stop working as something builds in his throat, he just needs to get it out. “He jumped, Mom.” The building pressure frees itself in the form of a choked sob and he gasps, looking back to the corpse. “He jumped.”

The silence stretches for a moment on the other side of the call, Katsuki’s cries the only thing filling the space. “Oh my God. Kid, are you at the school? We’re coming okay? Just stay there and we’ll call the police.”

He can’t bring himself to talk again, just nodding to his Mother’s words. She must assume he hears her though, because she hangs up a moment later. The pain and horror of it all won’t stop building into the sobs clawing out from his lungs.

His breaths grow more frantic, his lungs struggling for air that won't pass through his throat. Katsuki finds his gaze falling to his hands, one still clutching his phone, both shaking uncontrollably as his tears fall on them. Heat, building against his skin, and a sweetly familiar scent fills his senses. Why? Why was he unable to control his own body? It was only Deku, for fuck's sake Katsuki was the one who told him to jump in the first place!

He wasn't weak like Deku, he needed to breathe and make his god-damn hands stop shaking. Just control it. Time slows as he forces his shakey breathing to become even and slow. Sounds of sirens begin to faintly fill the silence and eventually begin to drown out the sounds of his breathing as they grow closer.

Once the blue and red flashing lights enter Katsuki's peripheral vision, his breathing is calmed, and by extension, his skin cooled. His face is wet with tears but they no longer slide down his cheeks. He clasps his hands together, tightly gripping his phone in an effort to still them. It doesn't work, and the harder he tries, the harder his limbs seem to tremble.

The sirens are deafening to the point where he doesn't notice the police officer approaching him until her hand lightly rests on his shoulder. "Are you Bakugou Katsuki?" She asks, her soft voice sounding strained.

Katsuki tries to answer her, but no sound will escape from his mouth. Instead, he gives a simple nod in confirmation.

"Alright, my name is Officer Suzuki. We need to have you move somewhere else to wait for your parents, will you let me help you?"

Another nod later, she's helping him up and guiding him to the back of an ambulance. After that, the officer goes back to talk to some other officer and Katsuki turns his attention back to his hands. They were still shaking.

His parents arrive, at some point. His Father rests a firm hand on his right shoulder as his Mother tightly clasps his left hand between hers. They try to talk to him but he doesn't respond or even acknowledge their words. He was just so tired, and it was all just too much.

A woman’s wail rings through the haze of lights and sirens and his crimson eyes shoot up to find the source. He meets a pair of watery green eyes, so much like Izuku’s, dulled with what Katsuki could only call agony. Auntie Inko is there, fighting a police officer to reach the body of her son as a pair of paramedics carry the corpse away. She screams and claws for her son, and small stones begin to float around her. The officer restraining her keeps trying to talk to her, and after a couple of minutes, he must get through. The stones clatter to the ground and she falls with them, collapsing onto her knees as she cries out her son’s name.

Katsuki chokes at the sight of Auntie Inko's sorrow and forces his head to fall to hide the tears building in his eyes once more. It ends up making everything worse when all he can focus on is his pants, soaked in Deku's blood from the knees down. Instead, he turns to the closest thing he has to an escape, his Mother's arms. She wraps them around him tightly as he presses his face into the crook of her neck. It's only as he's pressed against her, that he can feel the tears from her own eyes as they fall onto his skin.

In the back of his mind, Katsuki's thoughts betray him one last time; nothing will ever be the same.

Chapter Text

Things got worse in the morning.

Katsuki didn't feel like getting gawked at in class or while walking through the hallways, so he opted to stay home for the day. It felt easier to deal with the ghostly woman who slept on his couch than a building full of teenagers and teachers.

He's helping his Mother cook breakfast in the kitchen when she gets a call from his school. He assumes it's just the office calling to report his absence and doesn't even bat an eye when she leaves to take the call just outside the kitchen.

"Hello." Katsuki continues to fuss about the kitchen, taking over the pan his Mother had been making eggs in. "Yes, this is she." Picking up the spatula she left on the counter, he lightly pokes at the eggs. "Oh, what can I do for you, Principal?" Her last word almost makes him drop it as he whips his head around to face her.

He waits as she gives a few short answers, her uneasiness only serving to heighten his own anxiety. "No, not at all. Yes. Mhm, of course." He places the spatula gently down before turning to face his Mother completely. "Alright, we'll be there soon." She disconnects the call and moves to slide her phone into the pocket of her jeans.

"What did he want?" He scoffs out, returning to the eggs in a bad imitation of indifference.

"For you, your Father, and I to meet with him this morning. We'll finish the food for Inko, then we'll go."

He nods but doesn't say anything and focuses on finishing the food while she walks off to find his
Father. Katsuki tries not to think too much about what the principal might want from him and instead shoves all his worries to the back of his brain. It's fine, the geezer probably just wants to make sure we're all doing okay after last night and we don't sue his ass for trauma or something. It's probably fine.

The trio of Bakugous make sure Auntie Inko starts eating the food they made before they leave, and then take their leave from the apartment. A quiet walk, a train ride, and another short walk later, they reach Aldera.

With all the students in class, the family speeds through the empty halls. His Mother checks in with the office, while he and his Father go to sit in the chairs by the principal's office. A moment later, his Mother comes to join them and together, they wait.

Not even five minutes later, Katsuki finds himself sitting between his parents in the principal's office.

The man's sharp facial features fade into clear disappointment as he looks at Katsuki and an almost dread as he looks at Mr. and Mrs. Bakugo.

"I've asked you here today to discuss an extremely concerning event that has come to my attention, concerning the recent tragedy involving Izuku Midoriya." The Principal pauses to sigh and fold his hands in front of him on the desk, "This morning, we had two students from Bakugo-san and Midoriya-san's class come forward and tell us about a conversation they witnessed between the two boys yesterday afternoon, after school.

These boys shared that Bakugo-san had stolen Midoriya-san's notebook and thrown it out the window before, well..." The man takes a sharp breath, "These boys claim to have heard Bakugo-san encourage him to jump off of the school roof."

A quiet gasp escapes from his Father and Katsuki only has a second to process the words he just heard before his Mother starts yelling.

"My son would never, these boys must be mistaken or lying! Midoriya-kun and Katsuki have been friends since they were children!-"

His Mother continues yelling at the panicked principal, but Katsuki can't hear anything besides the ringing in his ears.

They knew.

They knew.

It's not like it was his fault the idiot took him seriously, they had to know that, right? He was joking, really he was. He never thought Deku would have done something like...

"Yeah." Katsuki breaks out of the pounding thoughts in his head and interrupts his Mother.

All three adults stop and stare at him, his Father being the only one brave enough to ask.

"What do you mean, Katsuki?" His voice was tense, and Katsuki knew that he already knew. He was just hoping he was wrong, Katsuki wished he was.

"I mean yeah, Sensei is right. I was talking to De- Izuku after school yesterday." He stops to look at the adults. The principal looks on with a furrowed brow, his Father meets his eyes with what Katsuki can only describe as sorrow, and his Mother, stares at him in horror. Looking at his parents is too much, so he meets the Principal's eyes and continues.

"I think I know who talked to you, and those extras only saw it because they were there too. I took the notebook and they made fun of him, I threw it out the window because I got annoyed that he was still trying to be a hero! I mean, he was quirkless, what chance did he actually have? So I told him to give up on his dream."

"Katsuki..." He heard his Mother's whisper but ignored her and continued.

"And then yeah, I told the nerd if he wanted a quirk, maybe he would get one in his next life if he jumped off the school roof." He winces at the horrified gasps and cries coming from his parents, but he can't stop there. "I wasn't serious, he knew that! There was no reason for him to go and do it, all he did was leave his mom to cry! It wasn't my fault and you know it, the other kids say shit like that to him all the time, it wouldn't mean anything different coming from me. So I don't know why it's suddenly a big deal just because he finally did it! Hah, maybe he was already planning it and just wanted to take me down with him!"

"Katsuki!" Shouts his Mother, "That is enough! I have heard enough. We did not raise you this way, how could you do this to Izuku?" Her voice starts to crack, "That boy loved you, and this is how you've been treating him?"

He turns his head to face her in all her tearful rage, to defend himself, but then his Father's hand falls firmly on his shoulder and Katsuki's head turns to face him instead.

"Your Mother said we have heard enough, that means you will sit, and you will listen to anything she or I decide to say to you. You will sit here, and you will be silent as you face the consequences of your despicable actions." His Father's voice is more steady than Katsuki has ever heard, and he chooses to listen. The excuses dying in his throat and leaving a lump in their place.

The Principal clears his throat and the three Bakugos turn their gazes back to him, "I am sorry to interrupt but as I was trying to explain, we had to assume these statements were true, and so the police have already been notified of this new evidence in the case."

His Mother hesitantly questions, "Case?"

Nodding, the Principal continues, "Yes. In encouraging Midoriya-san's actions, Bakugo-san has committed a crime and could face fines or even imprisonment due to his actions. A case is being made against him and I was told you should expect papers to be served to him by the prefecture within the next week. Mr. and Mrs. Bakugo, even if this case goes well and he gets off lightly, Bakugo-san will not be allowed to apply for the hero course at UA. I doubt and hero course would accept him now, to be honest with you.

Even concerning this school year, normally we would expel students for the actions Bakugou-san has admitted to today. We as a school can offer him very few other options, but due to his potential and excellent grades, I'm hopeful we could work something out."

Katsuki knows he should pay attention as his parents begin to discuss what options he might have for his schooling for the rest of this year but he just couldn't stop thinking of the Principal's words. No hero school would take him, possible imprisonment; Deku had done just what Katsuki had just accused him of, he was taking him down with him. Killing himself and tearing apart his mother's heart wasn't enough, he had to destroy everything Katsuki had to. The worst part, there was nothing Katsuki could do. No one would take his side over the dead kids'.

It wasn't fair. Deku had always looked down on him and had always thought he was better. He had always been jealous of Katsuki's quirk. Was this just his revenge? Did the idiot even want to die, or had he just decided it was worth taking everything from Katsuki? He didn't know, and now he never would. Even if he didn't get imprisoned, he would always be trapped in the cage of Deku's shadow. Never able to become what he might've been, the dream of being the number one hero, gone in an instant.

Katsuki was nothing now.

"Katsuki." His Mother snipped at him and broke him from his thoughts, he was trapped there a lot recently. He looked up at her in response, she just sighed in irritation. "The school is offering to let you graduate with them since graduation is only a few months away, but you will have to do all your classes at home and will not be considered a student in the case of any events or even the graduation ceremony. They'll mail it to us at the end of the year. They need you to agree to the terms, yes or no?"

Her voice was too sharp. He and his mother had always been short with each other but never like this, never in a way where it felt so real. That was another thing Deku took from him, Katsuki realizes as he stares at his Mother, his parent's love. It wasn't there, in her eyes, like it usually was when he bickered with her. Katsuki knew he wouldn't find it in his Father's eyes if he looked either, and so he didn't look.

Instead, he nodded, "Yes. Thank you, Sensei."

They leave after that, the Principal having no other business with them. The train ride home is cold and quiet, his parents whispering only among each other, refusing to even look Katsuki's way. He doesn't try to talk to them either and just follows behind them.

When they get home, his Father instructs him to go to his room, and he does without a fight. There wasn't a point, the awful revelations of the day drained all the fight out of him. It's only ten in the morning, but Katsuki crawls into bed. He can feel the only All Might figurine he had on his desk staring disappointedly at him. He finds himself doing the only thing he can to hide from the shame, anger, and depression of it all and hides under his covers until sleep mercifully takes him.

When he wakes up four hours later, he finds a text from his Father on his phone. It explains that Auntie Inko has gone back to her apartment and his Mother has gone with her. They told her what he did and all three adults decided it would be best for Aunite to not stay in the same place as Katsuki. His Father will remain at home, and Katsuki is to leave his room only to use the bathroom and the kitchen until his parents can decide what to do about his actions. His Father adds that he loves Katsuki but is disappointed in him in the end but it feels forced and Katsuki knows it's not really true. He knows that his parents don't love him anymore, because he saw their eyes, and knows that they only see a monster.

He puts his phone down and looks up at the All Might figure on his desk again. A deep pit begins to form in his gut as he stands up and walks over to it. He can't throw it away, because part of him will always dream of being a hero; but he will never be one, and so he goes to hide the figure in the back of his closet instead.

As he buries the tiny hero behind a basket of old toys, a thought pops into his head, one that he knows will never fade. A thought that burrows deep in his mind, that makes his stomach church and bile rise in his throat, that might change how he thinks forever:

'I wonder if this is how Deku felt when he found out he was quirkless.'

Chapter Text

Waking up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night was becoming more common than not for Katsuki. The sounds of his heavy breaths and pounding heart were the only noises in the house. He pushes himself out of the damp sheets and into a sitting position, his feet planted firmly on the ground.

Scenes from the nightmares that haunt him play across his mind as he struggles to control his breathing. Pushing Deku at school, breathe Katsuki. Shooting off his quirk, sparking fear in Deku's eyes, breathe. Blood on his shoes, breathe, damn it! Lifeless green eyes, Izuku's eyes,

FUCK.

Katsuki shoots up from the bed, placing his hands above his head and resting them on his hair. It was a trick some shrink had told him when he was younger as a trick to calm himself down, something about how it opened up your lungs or some shit. Begrudgingly, he saw its success in the past and only hoped it would work now.

The minutes pass as he chokes on air, desperate for the images haunting him to cease. A part of him knows he deserves this, that it is his fault. That part is weak and buried under years of anger and pride, so he ignores it and breathes. It's all he can do.

When he finally calms down, he doesn't even bother to check the time, (he stopped checking the time after the third nightmare). He makes his way to his desk and flicks on the small lamp on its surface. The desk is covered in organized piles of the remainder of his school work for the year, Aldera had been more than happy to give it to him all at once just for him to stop bothering them. (One more case of Katsuki getting whatever he wanted, even now.) He sits down and reaches for whatever awaits him at the top of the undone math pile. Pulling it in front of him and getting to work.

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Two Weeks after the death of Izuku Midoryia

The funeral was beautiful and tragic, or so Katsuki had heard his Mother say to his Father. He hadn't gone. No one brought it up that he should go and, in all honesty, Katsuki hadn't really wanted to go. If he regretted it now, there was nothing to be done, it had happened over a week ago.

He saw Izuku's dead body in his dreams every night already, no need to see it in person.

Katsuki splashes the water across his face and grasps around for the towel to dry off before looking at himself in the mirror. His eyes had begun to dull, or at least he thought so, maybe due to the crushing of all his dreams in less than a minute. (How had Izuku's never lost their shine? Maybe they had and Katsuki just didn't notice.) (Katsuki hadn't noticed a lot about Izuku.) The bruising under his eyes was so bad, that he had gone to his Mother and asked to borrow her concealer this morning. She had raised an eyebrow at him but could see the eyebags so she didn't ask. He carefully applies the makeup under his eyes, using his finger to blend out the harsh edges quickly.

With one final check in the mirror, he decides the shitty coverup is good enough and walks out to the living room. His parents sit on the couch, both looking surprised to see him outside of a mealtime. They haven't talked much since the meeting with the principal, mostly because there wasn't much to say.

"I'm going to visit Auntie." He speaks in a hoarse voice, only thinking to clear it after the fact. The Midoryias have always been family, so their house was not often banned, even when Katsuki found himself grounded. Still, he knew they could say no, and maybe they should, but he needed to talk with her. It was the only thing he could think of to make the nightmares disappear.

His Father nods before asking, "And what brought this on?"

"I just think I should, you have a problem with that?" Katsuki growls back, his exhaustion only speeding up his usual rise to anger.

"No," His Mother adds, shaking her head. "You can go. I actually have some dinner for you to take to her for me, blue container in the fridge, top shelf."

He nods and goes to retrieve the food before slipping on his shoes and out the door.

The walk to Auntie's apartment isn't long, since she lived the next complex over. The sun shines and the birds sing as he goes, almost mocking him with their joyous vibes. Katsuki does his best to ignore the way it makes his stomach churn and makes the ten-minute walk in seven.

Anyone passing by the door of the Midoryia residence would know something awful had happened to the household, the sorrowful aura coming from the door was almost too much to bear. (Or maybe the strands of guilt are clawing away at his mind now that he's here, but Katsuki chooses to blame the door. It's easier.) Shifting the food container into his left arm, he raises his right hand to ring the doorbell next to the door. Then, he waits.

A few moments later, he can hear shuffling behind the door and a soft, "Who is it?" from behind the wood.

Swallowing hard, he speaks as loud as he dares. "It's Katsuki," It doesn't feel like enough, so after a pause he adds, "The old hag wanted me to bring you by some dinner for later."

The beat of silence feels nearly suffocating until the lock clicks and the short woman opens the door to reveal herself. She's smiling, but it's a broken thing, her despair dripping from her eyes. She does her best though, and Katsuki knows the effort is just for him. The realization makes his stomach drop, only adding to his persistent nausea.

"Oh, thank you Katsuki, that's very kind of you and your mother. Please give her my gratitude." There's a pregnant pause where the woman seems to assess him as he just did to her, and then there's determination in her as if she's made of her mind on something. "Would you like to come in? I've just made a pot of coffee if you'd like some."

Oh, that was better than Katsuki dared to hope for. How was it that this woman, who had been told that her son's death was Katsuki's fault, found more love for him than his own parents? He doesn't know. So he accepts her offer and follows her inside. He lets her take the food and tell him where to sit on the couch. Then he sits there, staring at the decorative knick-knacks around the living room as if he hadn't spent half his childhood running through the place, while she grabs him a cup of coffee.

When Auntie returns with two mugs, one for him and once for herself, she places one in front of him and holds the other in her hands as she sits in the armchair next to him. With the chair's skewed angle, she faces him easily.

"Now," she begins, "there is a story you must share with me, and I expect that I won't like what I hear. However, I've heard it now from your parents, the school, and even the police, but not you. I've wanted to hear you share it from the beginning, but I don't think either of us was ready. I suspect you are now, though." Even with the great sadness that surrounds Auntie Inko, not once does her voice falter or void itself of patience for Katsuki. He notices that, and suspects that it's the thing that gives him the strength to rehearse his sin.

She nods as he speaks, never interrupting or turning around to judge him. Once he finishes, she only nods once more and releases a tired sigh. "Katsuki, I suspect that that was not the first time you were cruel to Izuku. I know you two drifted apart after you got your quirk and he..." she trails off, not needing to say it. "What I need to know is, how long were you unkind to him? And I suppose I'd also like to know, why?"

After cringing at the question, Katsuki steels himself to answer. “I guess it was when we were four, maybe a little after. He was just always following me around, always acting like he was better than me.” At that, Auntie raises her eyebrow but quickly soothes out her expression in an attempt to hide it. Seeing the reaction, he rushes to defend himself, "Anytime anything happened, he had to be the hero. Everyone else saw it too, I'm not just making it up. Plus if I wasn't just defending myself or trying to get him to see reality, the teachers would've gotten mad. They never did, I was always still the best. If I had been wrong, someone would've told me!" His voice had risen in volume slightly, growing desperate to prove himself. Why was he even saying these things, speaking ill of the dead to the mother no less? He had to get someone to see. It had never been his fault for all those years, so why was it now?

He didn't notice the tears falling down his face until a soft hand rested on his shoulder. Auntie lightly holds his gaze as she places her empty mug on the coffee table in front of them. "I think there's something you should see, wait here and finish your drink before it gets cold."

She leaves and Katsuki does as he's told, the drink warming his hands through the ceramic mug. Nausea begins to creep up his throat again, but the coffee washes it down as he chugs the whole cup.

Upon her return, Katsuki's eyes widen at the object in her arms. She sits and gently places the book on her lap.

"This is the first one he ever wrote, I found it in his desk while I was cleaning up." Her voice tightens, "I know most parents leave rooms alone but I- I just couldn't keep walking past the door. So I had to start boxing everything. When I found this though, I just had to read a little bit of it, and I think you should too." With shaking hands, she offers the notebook out to him.

Katsuki stares at the cover, 'Hero Analysis for the Future #1' and swallows hard before taking it from Auntie's hands. Hesitantly, he places it on his lap and opens it to the first page.

He almost smiles at the sight, almost. It's about All Might because of course it is. He only glances over the written words, ramblings about the hero's strengths, weaknesses, and theories on the truth of his quirk, before turning to the next entry. He freezes when he sees the name at the top of the page, 'Kacchan.'

Deku Izuku had written about him. The page was covered in analysis about not only the strengths, weaknesses, and uses of his quirk but also analysis about him as a person.

"Kacchan is super strong! I know he'll be just like All Might someday. Sometimes he says things that aren't very nice but if I can get strong like he is, then we can be a team, and I can just say nice things for him! Kacchan is also a really good leader, he has lots of friends at school, so he'll be able to be good at having his own hero agency someday.

"I know he doesn't like me very much anymore because I don't have a quirk, but if I can get strong and smart like him, maybe I can still be a hero with him, and then he'll be my friend again! I just have to work hard!"

Katsuki stared at the pages, his mouth gaping. This is what Izuku had thought of him? This entry had to have been written when they were about five, that's when Izuku had started writing in the journals. Katsuki flips the page and finds that the left page is covered with childish designs for a hero costume and the right is again dedicated to Katsuki.

This page was different though, written in more mature strokes. Izuku must've added it years later.

"Kacchan has a lot of strength and raw power. When he becomes a hero, people will notice that. He'll be able to take a lot of villains down, and I know he'll be very popular for it. However, I don't think he will be a hero like All Might. If he maintains the level of violence he's started to use, along with his attitude issues, I believe he will be seen more like Endeavor. He has the physical strength and quirk power to become the top hero for sure, but like Endeavor, he will neglect victims and be looked down on for that. Kacchan will not be the number-one hero as he is now, because he doesn't know how to be kind. I believe he can change, but I also believe it will be hard to find something or someone who makes him believe change is worth it."

Katsuki closes the book softly once he finishes the words. He isn't sure what he feels, and why it makes him feel so sick. Placing the notebook on the table, he looks back up at Auntie Inko and finds her staring at him expectantly.

"Thank you. I..." He pauses to think, not quite sure what to say next. "I'm going to think about this."

She nods and stands up, understanding it's time for him to go. "I know that was probably a difficult thing to see, but thank you for reading it. I believe that you need to know that he admired you, wanted to be like you, and always saw the best in you. I need you to know that he loved you, Katsuki, and that I still love you." She places a hand gently on his shoulder after he follows her in standing. "You are always welcome here, thank you for visiting me."

Hundreds of needles, that's what it felt like was being stabbed into his heart by her words. His eyes begin to well with tears, and he doesn't try to fight them as they begin to spill over his cheeks. Instead, he only nods at her words and accepts her touch. It's all he can bear to do as he begins to cry over the reality of what kind of person he is and what he has done.