Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Jane Crocker stands at her window, hands splayed out across her desk. Across the room, her husktop pings, over and over and over again, with the special notification sound she set for Jake specifically. It’s a sound that begs to be ignored and paid attention to somehow simultaneously.

The light of the pink moon of Alternia falls across her room, and Jane looks up at it. It's almost blindingly bright. She remembers from learning about Earth that the star it orbited could blind a person if they looked at it too long.

Jane sighs heavily, allowing herself to kneel at her desk, looking up at the pink moon almost reverently. When she was much younger, and the Empire hadn’t quite perfected the lusii-translawaver, she would often talk to the moon as her friend. It's silly, in hindsight, of course, what does a big pink rock in the sky really have in common with her?

Though as a child, she drew those parallels. The pink moon was near-fuschia, an almost-royalty, and it was lonely, Jane thought, orbiting Alternia but never quite joining it. Seeing it, but being fundamentally separate.

It was nonsense, Jane thinks, and brushes it off. She has more important work to do if she is ever to be an effective empress.

Jane settles at her desk, ignoring, for now, the flashing Trollian icon in her taskbar and instead drawing out the detailed documentation on Alternia’s legal system, as well as the annotations she’d been making. Her entire life, save for maybe the first sweep, had been spent planning for her eventual reign, assuming her championship. She hasn't allowed herself the space to think about the other possibilities.

One sweep. That's all she had left.

As a child, Jane knew someone. She had a brother, a sweep older than herself, and the only reason she remembers him is the expression on his face and the wails as the drones took her away.

Knowing Alternia, he’s probably dead now.

And that's why she's going to fix it. It’ll be slow going, but Jane will fix everything.

Some of the files deep, deep in the Empire’s encrypted folders detail the legal systems of the old world. Jane’s read almost every document on there, with Roxy’s help, and she so dearly wishes she could have seen them in action. So much of the old world’s media is destroyed, of course, so she will never get the chance, not unless she reinstates it.

Jane works for a while and the moon escapes the bounds of her window. Ships sail by. Jane mutes Trollian to focus, before finally, after hours poring over her computer, she opens it.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: -> jaaaneeeyyyyyyyyy <-
TG: -> urgh <-
TG: -> jaaaaane r u yhere <-
TG: -> siggggnnnnnnn <-
TG: -> i guess yr in onew of yiur legal sprints again <-
TG: -> whenevrs youre back online <-
TG: -> osme troll told me to give you her trols tag <-
TG: -> cuttlefishCuller <-
TG: -> shes fushcia too!!! <-
TG: -> jane? <-
TG: -> rlly not there huh <-
TG: -> ok <-
TG: -> ill ttyl then ;3 <-
GG: Hey Roxy! Sorry, I just saw this.
GG: Yeah, I got caught up in some research.
GG: Are you sure its saffe to talk to her?

Roxy doesn’t respond immediately, so Jane tabs over to see what Jake’s been messaging her about. It’s a whole bunch of relationship baloney, and she’s really not jonesing for any sort of conciliatory quadrant with him, so she tabs out of it just as swiftly.

TG: -> JANE! <-
TG: -> umm it should be! <-
TG: -> according 2 nepeta shes reaching out for th ‘sake of displocmacy’ so i dont thiiink shed be all ready 2 kill you quite yet :p <-
GG: I suppose so!
GG: Still.
GG: What about HIC?
TG: -> mmmmmm… i thnk you should be ok there 2! <-
GG: Roxy?
TG: -> mmmmmhm? <-
GG: Would you mind making a memo with the two off us?
GG: I know it’s a lot to ask.
TG: -> oh umm <-
TG: -> see i dont like <-
TG: -> rlly know her? its more that nepeta does! <-
TG: -> but yea ok <-
GG: You can add Nepeta too.
TG: -> sounds good!!! <-
GG: Thanks, Rox.
TG: -> aw of course janey! <-
TG: -> anythin for the future empress ;3 <-

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG]

Jane sits back in her chair and waits for Roxy to make the memo, fiddling with the sleeve of her jacket. If CC isn’t genuinely benign, she has to have a contingency plan. Roxy’s helped her figure out how to manage a small fleet of drones, so there’s always that. From what she knows about the other heiress, she’s about half a sweep older, and humans, unfortunately, pale in comparison to trolls when it comes to physical ability.

You try not to think about that, and make sure you know the code for the drones, as well as checking to see that your transportaliser is intact.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TG: -> ok ok ok ok ok <-
TG: -> even got a hells of awesome banner <-
TG: -> check it <-
TG:
GG: Oh.
GG: Wow.

TG opened memo on board fish family reuninyon.

CURRENT gutsyGumshoe [CGG] responded to memo.
CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] responded to memo.
CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [CCC] responded to memo.

CCC: )(—---------ELLO!!!!
CCC: OMG!!!!!!
CCC: Jane I’ve been SOOOOOOOOO —-----------EXCIT—------ED to meet you!!!! 38D
CGG: Ah. Hello?
CGG: I’m affraid to say I hardly know anything about you.
CCC: Oh that’s ok!!!
CCC: I’ve been looking for you!
CGG: Why, might I ask?
CCC: Because we’re fishters, DU)(!!!!
CGG: Ffishters?
CCC: Sisters!
CGG: I thought trolls didn’t have those.
CCC: Whale, NORMALLY we don’t. But you and I are kind of a special case, don’t you think? 38D
CCC: I mean, it’s knot very ofin that there’s ANOT)(-ER fuschia blood your age!
CCC: Or, almost your age.
CCC: I forget that you’re half a sweep younger than me!
CCC: ANYWAYS!!!!
CCC: How are you? How’s your time on Alternia been? Humans are soooo fascinating!!
CCC: I’m so glad I can fin-ally meet you!
CGG: I… It’s good to meet you too. It’s Ffefferi, right?
CCC: RIG)(T!

Feferi continues to talk at Jane for the next few hours or so. Far off, in a castle in a fishbowl, a princess finally feels just a little bit less alone. But here, in an endlessly large hive by the sea, a young woman fears for her life as she looks into the reflection of her designated caste.

Soon, she will start to see Feferi as an ally, and further off the two will bond over the pressures of imminent challenge, and further still will the two begin to formulate a plan to dethrone their shared ancestor. For now, Jane considers, not for the first time, changing her text colour, and the moon hangs high in the sky.

Chapter Text

In the 2011th year of the old world’s calendar, of which we have no reference point to tell of our world, the old world was bombarded by a slew of meteors. Few humans had expected this, save for Skaianet Systems, a tech conglomerate of the United States, one of the shattered nations of the old world.

Skaianet Systems had set up a few defensive satellites, missiles, and was in the process of achieving portal technology, though they never got far enough. Their efforts were pioneered by Ramona Dimas Lalonde, a well recognised scientist of the old world, though her discoveries barely reached the technological advances of Alternia at the time.

The old world vacated and its citizens migrated out, pioneered by the joint efforts of Skaianet Systems and Betty Crocker Corp, which was puppeteered by Her Imperious Condescension. They intended to search for a habitable planet and found Alternia’s star system, as well as two colonised but not yet named planets, now known as Cadetence and Orflew. Her Imperious Condescension welcomed humanity with open arms, almost as if she were expecting them, and quickly integrated humans into her society as well as she could. This was many, many sweeps ago, and troll and human culture has meshed so that humanity picked up on some troll relationships, mostly quadrants, and trollkind somewhat picked up on the human family unit, though in a different way.

Despite the integration troll and human genetic mixing is both unrealistic and strictly illegal. Her Imperious Condescension settled on designating human castes based on their family’s caste, moving down if they are born male and moving up if they are born female. The original designation for a human family was done by Her Imperious Condescension and the Grand High Blood, based upon what they could provide to the empire.

Many humans had their complaints on our glorious caste system, though any persistent revolutionaries were swiftly crushed and the rest were desperate enough to take any assistance. Some trolls took issue with the scattered integration humans had, furious that some were granted such high castes, though they either quickly realised that everyone has a part to play, or were taken care of by our Imperial Forces.

Humankind is now an instrumental part of our Alternian Empire, contributing to our Imperial Forces and technological advances. Her Imperious Condescension has even designated one human a tyrian sign, marking the first time in Alternian history that there has been two heiresses.

Chapter Text

KANAYA: It Is Strange

Kanaya stands behind Rose, measuring tape in hand. Fabric drapes across Rose’s shoulders, cascading down to the floor in rivers of black, gold, and violet. Rose looks at the seamstress through the reflection in the mirror. The light of the moon reflects off of her horns.

KANAYA: Her Imperious Condescension Has Historically Not Taken A Very Welcoming Stance To Alien Species
KANAYA: I Wonder What Excepts You
ROSE: Are you looking to exterMinate huMankind?
ROSE: If so My family May need to find a neW seaMstress, and I really should not alloW your scissors too close to My neck.
KANAYA: No
KANAYA: Of Course Not
KANAYA: I Doubt I Would Even Be Able To Penetrate Metal With My… Scissors

Rose chuckles. It’s a hollow, strange noise, coming from her simulated voice box.

ROSE: Still, you’re right.
ROSE: I May sound particularly pessiMistic When I say this, but I don’t understand What Merits huManity as being saved.
ROSE: Perhaps she feels a kinship With huManity? Trolls and huMans, When it truly coMes doWn to it, are not terribly different. Though soMething tells Me that’s not What’s happening.
ROSE: I do not see any tactical advantage for the Alternian EMpire either. HuMans are Much squishier than trolls.
KANAYA: Most Of Them At Least
ROSE: A fair point.

ROSE: I Wonder What her endgaMe is.

Chapter Text

ATTENTION:

You have been drafted to attend THE ACADEMY FOR FUTURE SPACEFARING TROLLS. Your attendance is not optional, and your application has been submitted, processed, and accepted for your convenience.

All trolls above jade who have breached the age of 6 sweeps are entered into a randomised lottery for admission to THE ACADEMY. You are very lucky to be selected for service!

You have ONE PERIGEE to collect your belongings and say goodbye to your hive and lusus. At the end of the perigee, you MUST head to the nearest TERMINAL EXIT, where a drone will greet you and escort you to your transportation to CADETANCE. Absentees will be CULLED IMMEDIATELY.

The next three sweeps of your life will be spent learning and growing so you may be TOP OF THE LINE CONQUERORS in SERVICE TO OUR GLORIOUS EMPIRE.

John looks up at his father. They’re both silent. John’s father’s expression is a whole smoothie of bad, but the thing that stands out most to John is his resigned gaze. The cake sits forgotten on the table, the fourteen, lovingly iced, now seeming akin to an epitaph.

John sets down the letter. “I think I’m going to go to my room.”

Fourteen years of John’s life have been spent in a haze of denial, of pretending the world around him and his father was their home planet. Neither of them had ever been, but his Nanna insisted on keeping their humanity alive.

It was all for nothing, though.

John sighs heavily, looking out the window to his lawnring, before the husktop on his desk pings.

– gardenGnostic [GG] started trolling ghostlyTrickster [GT] –
GG: ^ hi happy birthday john!!! ^
GG: ^ it’s birthday right? ^
GG: ^ i sent you a gift but i don’t know if it’ll get there on time!! or even at all ૮ ˙ ⋏˙ ა mail’s always ruff fur me and jake fur some reason ^
GG: ^ i figured you would prefur it by mail though! since your lusus is so weird about technology ^
GG: ^ oh! sorry i mean your dad ^
GG: ^ i guess you’re probably doing something right now! i’ll talk to you later john ｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡ ^
– gardenGnostic [GG] ceased trolling ghostlyTrickster [GT] –

– turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling ghostlyTrickster [GT] –
TG: zo
TG: did you get another in which a young troll dizcoverz a monzter behind hiz recuperacoon and by extenzion a whole world of monzterz accezzible by the zpotz behind recuperacoonz zo he and hiz new monzter friend travel around pranking people until the young troll is fruztrated by the negative impactz of their pranking and putz a ztop to it pozter or what
TG: come on dude i know youre there you never fucking leave your hive
TG: you and your dad are weird
TG: i know we talked about this when you actually turned 6 zweepz but i ztill dont get your weird adherence to human timekeeping
TG: like youre like one of those old historadicatorianz who ztick to the troll metric zyztem even though the imperial zyztem iz obviouzly way better and also empire mandated
TG: i get a little noztalgia but itz been zo many zweepz youd think youd azzimilate by now
TG: dude come on ztop ignoring me
TG: i get thiz from roze but you and jade dont even fucking care about the cazte zyztem
TG: unlezz youve like matured or zomething in the pazt 3 hours
TG: whatever juzt mezzage me azap
– turntechGodhead is now an idle chum! –

– tentacleTherapist [TT] started trolling ghostlyTrickster [GT] –
TT: Hello John.
TT: Though I don’t personally understand your custoMs, I Would like to congratulate you on another year of your life.
TT: Roxy says happy Wriggling day too.
TT: You should have received a gift in the Mail this Morning. I hope you like it.
GT: hi rose.
GT: i have not gotten the chance to open your gift yet, but i totally will!
GT: i did get some thing else in the mail though.
TT: Oh?
TT: Do tell.
GT: you know that space academy thing?
TT: Ah.
TT: I… see.
GT: yeah.
GT: guess you are not the only person under going big life changes soon!
TT: I suppose so.
GT: are you nervous about it?
TT: It hardly Matters, does it?
TT: It’s going to happen either Way. I Was foolish to believe I had any other choice on this hell planet.
TT: To believe any one of us had any sort of choice in hoW our lives Would eventually play out.
TT: When do you leave?
GT: in one perigee. i have no idea what to bring.
GT: i really do not want to go.
TT: NorMally I Would encourage you to, shall We say, fuck shit up, but this tiMe…
TT: Don’t do anything stupid, John.
TT: …
TT: I’d Miss you.
GT: i am gonna be gone either way.
TT: You’ll still be able to troll Me on Cadetence.
TT: John.
GT: yeah. i know.
TT: Okay.
TT: HoW Was your birthday?
TT: Did you have to undergo the terrible travesty of hoMeMade goods once again? Brave the terrors of lovingly chosen gifts? SMile for pictures?
GT: yes. it was terrible. you should have seen it!
GT: after all of that, off worlding will be a piece of cake.
TT: I’M sure.
GT: oh, by the way. tell roxy i say thanks.
GT: how are her coding projects going?
TT: They seem to be going Well. She’s starting to take an interest in genetic Mutation these days, too.
TT: Have you had any luck contacting your sister?
GT: no.
GT: i honestly have not been trying a whole bunch recently. i think it is a lost cause.
GT: especially if i am going to leave soon.
TT: I guess so.

John sighs. It feels like a void’s opened itself inside of him, and is rapidly sucking all of the substance in him away.

TT: Why don’t you open your gift?
GT: sure.

The box sits by the foot of his bed, wrapped in black paper and purple ribbon– not the deep purple of the subjuggalators, or the near-royal violet of seadwellers, but the same purple as Rose’s text. The statement Rose is trying to make with her text colour flies high over John’s head, though.

He picks up the box and tears off the painstakingly perfected wrapping job. The box opens itself once the wrapping’s off, revealing a handwritten letter and a toolkit.

John,

If I recall correctly, it’s been nearly tWo sWeeps since We first chatted With one another. TiMe flies, does it not? You haven’t changed Much, though I hardly consider that any sort of deficit. You are surprisingly good coMpany, When you Want to be.

I’d apologise for the Mediocre state of My gift this year, but I think it’s perfectly fair considering you have over tWice the aMount of Wriggling days that I or Jade or Dave have. I figured this May help you in your various tricksterly escapades, and I knoW you don’t share your caste’s regard for the laW, so I hope you Make good use of this. Sneak out during the daytiMe and vandalise the inside of a Mall or break into a private facility and fill it with Wild hoofbeasts. I’M sure you can find soMething that catches your fancy.

I Was originally planning on Making you soMething once again, but nothing seeMed particularly fitting. A sWeater Would have been entirely unnecessary for the perpetually arid cliMate that the entirety of Alternia seeMs to consist of, save for out in the ocean, and the saMe would go for a hat, scarf, or gloves. And I’M sure you get enough socks froM your father to last a lifetiMe. Next year I Will find soMething to knit you. You can be sure of that.

Still, I believe this gift to be enough, for now. Happy birthday, John.

Rose

It’s a lockpicking kit, John realises, and he turns it over in his hands. The wood of the box is unblemished. He can’t imagine how much this must have cost. It doesn’t really matter to Rose.

TT: Do you like it?
GT: yeah!
GT: but i can totally do better than filling some place with horses.
GT: maybe i will fill your hive with horses. and they will shit every where.
TT: You can certainly try, John.
GT: i will.
GT: i should probably go break the news to jade and dave. about the academy.
TT: I’ll speak to you later. Good luck, John.
GT: bye, rose.
– ghostlyTrickster [GT] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] –

Rose sits in the room, and Roxy stands outside. Her mother stands next to her, an unaffected expression on her face.

The two drones in the room with Rose are restraining her, keeping her away from the door, the window, any feasible escape route. One has a long, deep gash down its front. It brings Roxy some satisfaction.

“I don't understand why she has to do this,” she says, questioning. Her mother doesn't respond.

Years later, she will look back on this and realise it is the first and only time she has ever seen her sister scared.