Archive of Our Own ^beta

This was not Zagreus's fault.

Some people might say otherwise. Some people might say, "You were the one who lost your keepsake and insisted on working together to search the whole House for it and then tripped and kicked the door closed when we were looking in this closet where the door is infamously fussy. So yes, it is your fault." And to that, Zagreus would say… Well, honestly, he'd probably stick out his tongue and make mocking noises, or maybe make some sarcastic remark. Immortality was no guarantee of maturity, as his father would tiredly agree. The point was, whatever people might say, this was not his fault, and he was about to preemptively assure Thanatos of that when he realized he could hear Thanatos breathing.

For many beings, that wouldn't be strange. For Zagreus himself, it would be perfectly normal. He loved breathing. He did it all the time. But Thanatos didn't need to breathe, and he normally didn't do it at all. Something stuffy about dignity and silence, Zagreus thought. But Thanatos wasn't silent at all; his breathing was loud and ragged.

And that was what made Zagreus go from confused to concerned, because Thanatos's breathing sounded afraid.

"Er, Than? Are you alright? You're not hurt, are you? Only, you sound-"

"I told you to be careful," Thanatos snapped, his voice just barely wavering. It was dark in the closet; Zagreus could barely see him. "I told this door sticks. I told you we could get stuck in here-"

"Well, is it that bad, really? We can have some quality time together."

"Trapped in a small, dark closet?"

"I mean, we're usually both busy, so this might be the closest thing we get to a break."

"I'm busy," Thanatos said waspishly. "You're just causing trouble."

"And it's a full-time job," Zagreus agreed. "Honestly, I'm doing it right now, without even trying. I'm distracting Death and keeping him from his duties." He couldn't help but grin. "I've captured you, and I won't let you go."

He meant it as a joke, but the noise Thanatos made in response was wounded and almost frightened. His breathing quickened again, and Zagreus fumbled for him in the dark immediately, trying to figure out some way to provide comfort.

"I was kidding, I was kidding, I haven't captured you and you're free to go once we can get this blasted door open. And I'll- You know what, just let me-"

Zagreus hurled his entire body weight against the door, only for it to do absolutely nothing. "Blood and darkness, what is this door made of?"

"Zag," Thanatos said, his voice small and uncertain, and Zagreus immediately turned back towards where he seemed to be. "Can you- I can't-"

"What do you need, Than?" Zagreus asked, trying to sound as gentle as possible. "Do you want- I don't know, a hug? Or-"

"Don't touch me," Thanatos snapped, and Zagreus froze. "No," Thanatos immediately added, "no, I didn't mean- No hugs. I don't want- I can't be-"

"Then, are you claustrophobic?"

Thanatos went so still that even his breathing stopped. "Oh," he whispered after a few heartbeats. "Oh, you still don't know."

"Still don't know what? Is there something I should know?"

"It's an old story," Thanatos said, his voice still soft, "and one that rarely affects me anymore, but sometimes…"

"Did something happen to make you claustrophobic?" Zagreus asked. "Did someone do something to you? Can I kill them? I'm going to kill them."

"They're long since dead," Thanatos replied. "They're in Tartarus now. You- It was a long time ago."

There were many shades in Tartarus, but Zagreus knew that anyone who'd hurt Thanatos would have to be one of the really bad ones, one of the ones with the extreme punishments. He'd check the records later.

"Than," he said after a moment, "this is probably a stupid question, but can't you just… poof out of here? You do it all the time. Just… pop, then you're gone."

"I-" Thanatos sounded small and somewhat embarrassed. "I can't. I'm too- I was on my way back to my chambers to rest. I- Maybe I could do it if I could focus, but I can't-"

"Sounds like it's up to me to break the door down, then," Zagreus said, hurling himself at the door again. It was about as effective as it had been the first time; read: not very effective at all. "Honestly, what are these doors made of? They're so sturdy!"

"Your father values good craftsmanship."

"It's not that good if the door gets stuck all the time."

"Most people are careful with it so the door doesn't get stuck."

Thanatos sounded more like his usual pissy self, which was reassuring. His voice didn't sound right when it was all soft and fragile. It was still a little fragile, but not nearly as bad. Zagreus could probably piss him off enough to get him sounding fully normal if he tried hard enough. If he did that, though, Thanatos would probably storm off once the closet doors opened, while Zagreus could potentially get him to stick around a bit longer if he a) didn't piss him off any more and b) was the one to get the doors open.

Unfortunately, the doors really didn't want to open. Someone else would probably have to open them from the outside. Zagreus really hoped it wasn't Meg.

"I don't suppose you can contact Hypnos somehow?" he asked Thanatos. "Some sort of psychic twin bond?"

"If I sleep, I might be able to reach him," Thanatos said, although he sounded dubious about it. Zagreus didn't blame him; Thanatos probably wasn't feeling much like sleeping.

"Should I try sleeping?"

"You never sleep."

"I sleep occasionally."

"Can you fall asleep right now, on command?"

"Fair enough, we both know I'm not very good with commands. Uh..."

Thanatos sighed. "Someone will find us eventually."

Did someone find you, last time? Zagreus wanted to ask, but didn't because he wasn't that big an idiot. Still, Thanatos's panic was clearly coming from somewhere, and he'd all but confirmed that someone had caused it, so Zagreus figured that meant he must have been trapped. He wondered if Thanatos had gotten himself out or if he'd been rescued, and if it was the latter, he wondered who'd done it.

He wished he'd known about it. He wished it could have been him who got Thanatos out.

"Zagreus?" Thanatos asked. His voice was starting to get a little fragile again, and Zagreus thought quickly about what he could do that would be the most annoying in this situation. "Could you… talk?"

Well. Honestly, Thanatos was just asking for him to be annoying with that.

"Missing the sound of my voice? I knew you loved it, even if you pretend to be annoyed with me whenever I talk."

Thanatos scoffed. "I'm not annoyed with you whenever you talk, I'm annoyed with you whenever you say idiotic things."

"So whenever I talk, yeah."

Zagreus could almost hear Thanatos rolling his eyes. He was really good at this annoying thing.

"I just- If you talk, then I know I'm not alone."

And that was heartbreaking, so Zagreus would leave processing it for later. "Well, you're in luck, because I'm good at talking. What should we talk about? How about all the types of fish I can catch in the rivers? There's chlams, and there's knuckleheads, and there's-"

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

Zagreus laughed. "Okay, we can talk about something else. Let's talk about the surface. Why don't you like it?"

"It's cold and bright," Thanatos said. "What's to like?"

"Everything about it!" Zagreus cried. "I like plants. Plants don't grow down here. I've tried, but they die."

"Plants die around me no matter where they are," Thanatos said, sounding a bit glum.

"Oh, then maybe leave the plants in my mother's garden alone. Do you reap plants? Do you reap animals?"

"Do you see many plants or animals in the underworld?"

"Well, there are some nymphs, and there are some satyrs, so... sort of?"

"Are you being dense on purpose?"

"Always."

"At least you admit it."

"Isn't there anything you like on the surface? You're up there so often, you must see so many interesting places."

"Nothing that interesting."

"Have you ever been to Olympus?"

"Once," Thanatos said, his voice clipped. Zagreus would normally push when he sounded like that, but not right now.

"What's your favorite surface place you've ever been?"

Thanatos was quiet for a moment. "There's a cliff I visited once at sunset. It was beautiful, I'll admit that. The darkness swallowing the sun is a sight to behold."

"I've never seen a sunset," Zagreus mused. "Can you take me to the cliff and show me?"

"I'm not sure if you'd survive long enough to make the trip," Thanatos admitted, somewhat apologetically.

"Then we'll have to time a visit at sunset to somewhere closer," Zagreus said. "We can scout it out, and then we can meet there at the best time for sunset."

Thanatos went quiet again, and Zagreus wondered if he'd said the wrong thing until Thanatos said quietly, "I'd like that."

"You know," Zagreus said, very aware that he might regret his next words but still determined to say them, "it would be nice to spend more time together. Other than just you helping me on my way out sometimes. Perhaps in a more… date-like fashion."

"Are you asking me on a date? Like a mortal?"

"I wasn't aware that dates were an exclusively mortal thing," Zagreus said, a little stung by Thanatos's dubious tone. He hadn't explicitly said no, but he hadn't said yes either.

There was silence in the closet for a moment. Zagreus wished he could see Thanatos's face.

"I thought you and Megaera were… dating."

"First, Meg would kill me if I called it dating. Second, we're not exclusive. Third, Meg has told me like ten times to stop pining over you, so I think she'll be more relieved than anything else."

"…Pining? Over me?"

If Zagreus was going to confess, he might as well confess everything. "Yeah, I've sort of been pining for you for… forever."

Thanatos went quiet again. Zagreus waited for him to say something and was very glad that the darkness of the closet meant Thanatos couldn't see the way he leaned forward in anticipation when he heard Thanatos take a deep breath like he was about to speak.

"You… haven't been the only one."

"Wait, really?" Zagreus demanded. He heard Thanatos make a little embarrassed noise and quickly backtracked. "No, it's just- I didn't know. I had no- How long?"

"…Quite some time."

"No wonder Meg was on my case about talking to you," Zagreus groaned. "I can't believe we've both been pining for each other. That's so stupid. We're so stupid."

"Only one of us is stupid enough to get us trapped in a closet," Thanatos shot back.

Zagreus beamed. That was just so typically Thanatos, and it was exactly what he loved about him. "Well, as long as we're in a closet and we have some privacy, we might as well take advantage of it, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you mind if I touch you, as long as it's not a hug and you can still move?"

Silence, then, "Alright."

Zagreus reached out, hoping he was reaching in the right direction. He found fabric and gripped it, then he moved his hands up until he found Thanatos's shoulders.

"What exactly are you attempting to do?" Thanatos asked dryly.

Zagreus moved his hands higher, until they were gently cupping Thanatos's face. He leaned forward. "Are you getting the idea?"

He was so close, he could hear Thanatos swallow. He was breathing again, but this breathing sounded much better than before.

"I… have an idea."

"And what do you think of it?"

"I think you should stop asking me questions and do whatever you're going to do."

Zagreus laughed, then he leaned forward and found Thanatos's lips with his own.

It was a tiny bit awkward at first; thanks to the dark, Zagreus had been a little off-center, and he'd more kissed the corner of Thanatos's mouth than his actual lips. But that only took a moment of readjusting to fix, and then… Well, then it was perfect.

It was so perfect, in fact, that Zagreus didn't realize someone was on the other side of the door until light poured into the closet and a voice said, "Lad? Are you stuck- Oh."

Zagreus pulled away from Thanatos, who immediately buried his face in Zagreus's neck. The embarrassment burning his face was almost palpable.

"Achilles, sir. Thanks for getting that door open. It was stuck on our end, I'm afraid."

"It is… notoriously sticky," Achilles agreed, not quite able to look Zagreus in the eye. "I seem to have interrupted something, though."

"Better to be interrupted and free of that closet than uninterrupted and stuck in there," Zagreus replied cheerfully. Against his neck, Thanatos grumbled something that could have either been agreement or disagreement, Zagreus had no idea.

"Indeed," Achilles agreed slowly. "Well. My apologies for the interruption anyway. And, if it's not too bold… My congratulations as well, lad. To both of you."

Zagreus beamed. "Thank you, sir."

Thanatos made another noise, this one sounding a great deal like a whine.

"We should, ah, probably get out of here," Zagreus said. "Since the door isn't stuck anymore and all. Thanks again, Achilles. And, oh, if you happen to see a vial filled with blood anywhere…"

"Oh, like this?" Achilles asked, holding up the very vial Zagreus had been looking for. "I found it on the floor right outside your chambers. Wasn't sure what it was, but I suppose it's yours?"

Zagreus accepted the vial with a nervous little laugh. "Yes, it's a keepsake from Ares. Thanks for finding it."

"On the floor," Thanatos grumbled into Zagreus's neck, "outside your chambers."

"Well, I did look there, just not enough, apparently," Zagreus replied. "Anyway. Thank you, Achilles."

"Of course, lad. I'll, ah, be returning to my post."

Zagreus didn't think it was really exaggerating to say that Achilles fled, but he did think Achilles was being overdramatic about it. "He's gone," he told Thanatos, patting his head absently. "If you want to look all professional and stuffy in front of the rest of the House, you should probably stand up on your own."

Thanatos groaned, then lifted his head. "If he tells a single soul, I'll make sure he regrets it."

"Achilles won't tell anyone. We can trust him."

"Tsch."

Zagreus looked at the door, which Achilles had helpfully propped open with a gemstone, then looked back at Thanatos.

"Do you want to go to my room to continue where we left off?"

If asked, Zagreus was sure that Thanatos would viciously deny that he was blushing, but he was definitely blushing. "You're incorrigible."

"And you love it."

Thanatos blushed even harder, and Zagreus wondered if he'd started throwing around the love-word too quickly. But Thanatos wasn't going cold or spitting refusals, so it was probably okay.

"You're incorrigible," Thanatos repeated, apparently unable to say anything else, and then he grabbed Zagreus's arm and stormed out of the closet.

"Whoa! Uh, Than, what are we-"

"You said you wanted to continue where we left off."

Zagreus realized they were heading in the direction of his bedroom and grinned. "Why Than, I think that might be the best idea I've ever had."