Archive of Our Own ^beta

If you grew up walking hand in hand, why couldn’t you just keep walking? Maybe your arms grew heavy. Maybe that’s how you drifted closer until your elbows brushed. That’s when you felt the spark, like a soft electric shock, so sudden and unexpected it pierced right through your defences and made you swoon. Then you were shocked. Maleficent couldn’t make a wall of thorns grow so fast as you did around that newly discovered part of you.

Both of you carried on as if nothing had happened.

But the spark grew into a flame, and a wall of thorns is flammable. Eventually nothing would be left of it. You could not pretend the growing pull was not there, forever. It was scary. You began to inch apart as slowly as you’d drifted close. It was hard to tell if you were alone in it, if it was really something specific between you, or a thing that just happened. But you had an inkling against it.

Then, you had drifted so far apart your hands had reached a point where the fact that both of you were pulling away from each other became too overwhelming to ignore, tension growing by the second. There was no more room to pull away. How did you not see that coming? How did you not realise, that once that point was reached, the only options left would be to either let go, or pull yourselves close so that there would be no space between you anymore?

But there was no space between your hands, you thought. There never had been. So why would the rest of yourselves even matter? Why couldn’t you just stop pulling and keep walking hand in hand instead?

Maybe your arms grew heavy. Maybe that’s how you drifted closer until your elbows brushed. That’s when you felt the spark, like a soft electric shock...

Every time it came to the point of inescapable pull, Satsuki told herself Daiki would fall if she let go. So she calmed herself. Over and over and over again. Worded her feelings into something a little different, something acceptable, flipped them on their head if she had to. Channelled them somewhere else so loudly she thought she could distract herself. To fake it till you made it.

Until she couldn’t fake it anymore. And then, she couldn’t take it anymore. But she didn’t let go. She let go but she didn’t let go of Daiki’s hand, she just stopped pulling so abruptly they crashed into each other.

She should have known that wasn’t the way. Daiki knew she knew he knew that wasn’t the way. So, finally, she let go.

Daiki didn’t fall.

After a while, he took Satsuki’s hand again, to pull away all the remaining space between them.

There is no space between them now, 392 days, 22 hours and 46 minutes later. After another hilarious, infuriating, dramatic evening spent with their friends, Satsuki walked home with Daiki. Hand in hand, fingers laced. They are alone for the night, lying on Daiki’s bed, all comfortable silence to balance the active day, and tangled arms and legs fighting the insidious coldness of late autumn. Limbs heavy and absentminded, eyes closed, their fingers look for paths on each other’s clothes in the half dark room. Satsuki is following the line of the hood of Daiki’s pullover, Daiki’s fingernail tracks the ribbing of Satsuki’s hoodie.

– You tired? Daiki’s quiet, low voice breaks the silence.

Satsuki shakes her head.

– Not really.

Her head is in a peaceful lull, but she isn’t about to fall asleep.

– You sound sleepy, she says with a small smile.

– Nah. It’s mental. Kise at maximum dorkiness takes years off my life.

Satsuki hums in amusement.

– Is that fair? He said surprisingly thoughtful things about the future today. Things I realised I should think about, too.

Daiki grunts quietly. Satsuki knows it stands for an acknowledgement of her observation, but retains his previous sentiment. Besides, Daiki’s steps towards anything concrete in the future have been firmer than Satsuki’s, lately. She hasn’t got any urge for questions or demands that might overwhelm him now.

Daiki is not, however, too overwhelmed to think about the future. His thoughts gear towards it on their own more often than ever before. He can see something there that might not turn out to be complete agony. Multiple things. Excitement may be too strong of a word for his daily feelings about it, but he is curious, interrogative, towards the future. Regardless of what it turns out to be, something in his gut deems it worth seeing.

– So... you really gonna be in a different place next year? he mutters quietly, his chin resting on Satsuki’s head.

Satsuki opens her eyes a little. Her feelings about the future are open-minded and undirected.

– Well... I mean, not that different. It’s not like I’m gonna be far. I don’t know yet.

– You thinking of whatever Hobbiton Tetsu and Bakagami are going to or something?

Satsuki sighs but can’t quite keep a smile off her face.

– Like I said, I don’t know yet. But I’m sure that place isn’t as ridiculous as you want to make it sound.

– Hm... sounds to me like Aslan’s gonna greet you at the door and Mary Poppins will fly you to detention.

Satsuki giggles into Daiki’s chest.

– And you wouldn’t want to go to a place like that? she says, a faint grin in the corner of her mouth.

– Sounds like you do.

– Are you saying you don’t want me to go?

– Nah. It’s still close.

Satsuki smiles softly. Daiki’s fingers find the exposed skin between her hoodie and jeans.

– Dai-chan… there’s no detention in university.

– Bet that place is the exception.

What Daiki would like to say if he was in a mood quite so verbal, possibly, if he was a little buzzed, is that it sounds like the kind of place you would got to if your school fucked you up good, so you can have a remedial experience. And that he doesn’t need to go, because he went to fucking therapy. He isn’t sure he’s right, but his plan is set anyway.

What he’s not planning exactly, is his fingers slipping under the edge of Satsuki’s jeans, just a little, gravitating towards a place where her skin is a bit warmer. Once they rest there though, the urge to draw her even closer tickles through his skin. Satsuki’s skin on the other hand, feels at least as open to touch as her plans. She lifts her face up to kiss Daiki’s chin. Her fingers slip into his back pocket, and she’s already pressing herself closer when one of Daiki’s knees urges hers apart.

Other nights they might just cuddle like this for hours, and it might not look any different to an outside eye that doesn’t sense the slowly growing charge, but their senses have picked up on where the little questioning touches are leading by now. The entanglement of their gestures is always a step ahead of the entanglement of the rest of their bodies.

– How you feeling? Daiki whispers, eyes closed again. So are Satsuki’s.

– Mm... lazy, she whispers back with that soft and sweet smile in her voice that tells Daiki what “lazy” means in this context. She presses herself against Daiki’s thigh so tightly their stomachs stretch against each other.

– Reading my mind, he mutters, fingers pressing into soft skin.

– Your room’s too cold. I wanna get under the blankets, she says, the sweetness still colouring her voice.

Daiki groans quietly.

– But I wanna see you.

– Then you’re gonna have to turn the heater up.

– It’s in the other room.

Daiki’s voice gets a notch higher when he whines. It only amuses Satsuki, who opens her eyes and lifts her head, then pinches Daiki’s nose.

– Well, then you have to go to the other room.

– It’s gonna take a while to get warmer…

– Warm me under the blanket and then we can ditch it.

Daiki sighs, but his eyes are open now too, and arguing is making him feel less lethargic by the second.

– Fine.

He gets up, his fingers lingering on Satsuki’s skin for as long as he can reach, before he turns and leaves. Satsuki crawls up only as much as it takes for her to be able to slip under the blanket. She tosses her hoodie to the end of the bed before Daiki gets back, and wraps herself in the soft blanket up to her neck. She thinks Daiki looks just the right kind of mellow when he slouches back to the bed, closing the door behind him. As if anyone is suddenly going to show up. Satsuki thinks it’s cute he can get paranoid over things like that, Daiki thinks it’s (one of) the bane(s) of his existence.

As soon as he’s back in bed, Satsuki gets rid of his pullover to get closer to his warm skin. They resume their earlier entanglement on all levels, breathing each other, fingers brushing messages on each other’s skin, less questions now, more statements, agreements, and desires.

The temperature rises, outside the skin, on the skin, under the skin. Kisses find hands, shoulders, pulses, and each other.

Satsuki’s eyebrows draw closer in a sudden irritation.

– Dai-chan… why did you eat curry tonight?

– Well, I wasn’t planning this!

– When was the last time we planned anyway…

– Ugh, whatever. Just keep your tongue to yourself.

– You keep it to yourself. And your breath too.

– How about this? he says coolly, then dives under the blanket and Satsuki’s top, his breath all warmth, kisses finding her stomach next. Muscles under her skin spasm in happy surprise. She hums in pleasure and the warm sensations expand into full body kisses. That is a bit more effort than “lazy” usually means for them. Satsuki can’t help but think it’s because Daiki wants to make up for the surprise curry. She finds the will to join in and it turns into a game. She would have been too lazy to take most of her clothes off otherwise, but in this game it happens as a consequence of freeing more skin for more kisses, soon escalating effortlessly, leading to nothing but skin pressed against skin at the length of their bodies, no space between them.

They know now, that space doesn’t have to matter. But it can matter. Walking hand in hand was as much of a full life as this. This isn’t necessarily closer than that. That isn’t less than this. It all came down to whether you wanted this, how much, and was it worth it.

Satsuki envisioned her life differently.

I was supposed to grow up and meet someone new and exciting and be so beautiful that his head would be turned right away when he saw me because he wouldn’t know anything about me, all he would see would be this grown up, beautiful, not at all awkward me that I could believe myself to be because he would see me that way. That’s how I always thought love should go. I wasn’t supposed to grow up with it. I wasn’t supposed to grow to love him. I wasn’t supposed to know at this age who it’s gonna be for me. Because I know that if it’s him, it cannot be anyone else, ever again. It’s too much. I’m too much, he’s too much. Everything is.

So she told Tetsuya after the right confessions had been made, mistakes settled between them.

It comes down to what it is that you need. If you need to see what else is out there, to feel alive, or if you need to keep building what you already have, to make the most of it. You might be able to get both, but you also might not end up getting both. So you have to be prepared to lose the other possibility.

So he told her, but Satsuki already knew by then. Fantasy was fantasy. Daiki was here now.

It’s hot now. Satsuki pushes the blanket away as she slides herself backwards, facing Daiki, against his bare thigh towards his raised knee, towards one part of their lazy day routine. She loves riding him right there. Slowly, softly, long brushes, short pressures. It feels so delicious between her legs everywhere, spreading from the centre all the way down her inner thighs. Sometimes Daiki nudges his knee up a little and Satsuki’s breath catches in the sudden shock of overstimulation. It’s irritating enough to bring a sudden frown on her face, but the dissolve back to softness is so wonderful it’s worth it. She moves in waves, breathes in them, her heart answers them in a racing beat. She is the weather. She beats against Daiki’s skin.

Daiki loves the warm trail she leaves on his skin, when it turns to room temperature too, like it’s waiting for renewal. Loves the way her softness moulds around his knee, loves what Satsuki’s breaths and the quietest moans say about pleasure. He will never get tired of looking at her like this. Never get tired of how compulsive the urge for release grows while he looks at her, how each moment he doesn’t do anything about it grows in its sweet agony.

He fights it, because he wants to give his full attention to the sight of her and her pleasure. Satsuki always leaves her hair open for this at the risk of pulling them, because she knows how much Daiki loves to watch it hang down towards himself. Eventually he lifts himself on his elbows and wipes Satsuki’s hair behind her ear on one side, to see her face better, just like he’s doing now. Perhaps the most obviously, but maybe not as disproportionally as one might expect, he loves to watch Satsuki’s breasts move along her waves and hang towards him, too. He knows from her breathing how to caress them, when to squeeze them, when to play with her nipples, when to use his nails so that it’s almost too much. He brings his nails down Satsuki’s breast, circles under it, then presses his thumb nail into her nipple. She lets out a high gasp.

– Stop, she whispers. That means it’s almost too much now, which is the perfect amount. Daiki grins, his heart racing just looking at her. She is pressing down deep now, all warmth and slickness wrapped around Daiki’s knee, circling her clitoris around it. The pressure builds so entrancingly, making her feel so full, almost bouncy. Her arms are getting tired of holding her up, but she barely notices, her brain in a warm haze, heavy enough to make her eyes close. Daiki lets out a deep sigh, slips his arms behind his head, trying to calm himself in the tight pressure ready to take over his mind any moment.

He watches and his heart drums as Satsuki peaks on top of his knee. It’s a slow, quietly exhilarating, soft release that sweeps a heap of tension off her body at once. She lets out a sweet, long sigh and falls down on Daiki’s side, half on top of him. His arms wrap around her shoulders.

It’s because she was the most important thing, she was what had always been there, she was who he wanted most, what he had grown into, that Daiki didn’t think he could take screwing it up. The only other thing in his life that was like that. She was the love of his life he hadn’t screwed up yet. How could he not feel the approaching threat, as soon as the instinct of going for what he wanted as freely as he wanted, was urging him towards her? He couldn’t envision himself not being too much. He could only see it ending in misery.

It was when Taiga waved a hand to the safe path laid out for him and stayed to be with Tetsuya, that Daiki couldn’t, once again, ignore that force, that willpower those two were made of. He couldn’t fathom it, couldn’t take his eyes off of it.

He absolutely had to be a dick to Taiga about it before he was able to get to his point.

How do you know it’s worth it?

Taiga laughed at him.

I would pretty much rather die than not be with him right now. What else is there to think about?

Daiki would never have said it out loud, never even would have admitted to himself the extent of it, but he was in awe of that daring.

I guess it was just like we were standing on a cliff, and he was asking me to jump into the sea below, with him. So, it’s like, of course I did. If it was her, and you, wouldn’t you jump?

That simple, unaffected, do or die, pure nerve of his. Daiki might have looked like he had it at some point, but he suspected he had always been predisposed to grow into the direction of holding onto limiting beliefs and making things complicated.

She might get hurt.

But he also knew his brain could be convinced otherwise. That his doomsday logic could be proved wrong. That more than anything, whenever his brain latched onto something paralyzing, trapping itself, he wanted to be wrong.

He always came to Taiga to be proved wrong.

Looks to me, like you left her alone, and she jumped anyway. If you were trying to protect her, it looks like a crappy job to me.

Taiga didn’t disappoint.

Daiki is only starting to develop a taste for proving himself wrong, so he goes in baby steps. It’s quite enough hassle for one day, to overrule his initial decision of “lazy” and determine he isn’t too lazy for a few more extra steps after all. Lube, for one. They rarely need it when they’re being obvious, but Daiki has a sudden urge to work for his pleasure a little more. Not that he has to reach far for the tube—it’s hidden in the hollow little space between the bed’s boards and legs. The only place his mom would never get it in her head to clean. It’s almost like a window sill of hidden things, the row stretching out over the years.

– You mind getting on your stomach instead? Daiki asks, and Satsuki’s lips curl into a slight grin while she still lies stretched out and almost limp on Daiki’s side.

– Already halfway there, she says in a quiet voice she only slips into when she’s this relaxed. Excitement colours the edges of it, always sparked by Daiki showing signs of wanting anything specific and going for it. You would think excitement starts to fade once you experience something more frequently, but it still keeps growing in her, becoming more sure, less in preparation of a drawback.

Not that Satsuki doesn’t like the act in question tonight for itself, not at all. Besides, everything is still in line with the principle of a lazy night—you’re in charge of your pleasure. For the most part at least.

– Can I do that? she says, still lying on her side, reaching for the lube.

How could Daiki say no?

After a moment of Satsuki’s slick hand around him, he’s grunting out his next words.

– Geez, Satsuki, I’ll come in like two seconds.

But Satsuki is just in a little bit of a teasing mood now, playing with his blood flow, getting him to make faces and sharp noises she likes, before she slides down on her stomach, and he slides between her cheeks. Daiki’s hands on her backside, the wave of motion against the part of skin not used to exposure, sparks a new layer of sensitivity on her frontside too. She feels caught and wanted under him. The fact that all parts of her can bring pleasure to her love feels intoxicating.

Daiki is immersed in the same wave of motion and pleasure, but he feels she started it, that he’s just catching a ride. There are days and nights when he feels more and less in control of his destiny. He has already believed in a lot of things, earlier today. Possibilities, people’s goodness. Almost fairy dust. Now he needs Satsuki. Needs to lean on her. Lean on something he knows isn’t going to be pulled from under him.

If it somehow turned out the mind-numbing sweetness from pressing Satsuki’s flesh tighter around his erection actually killed braincells, Daiki wouldn’t care. It is so sweet. The sweetest. Tooth rotting. It’s fructose. Encapsulated in back and forth that leaves him bare and helpless one moment, wrapped up and comforted the next.

Growth, recovery, and the paths between people are back and forth. Not only as an inevitable rule of participation but also progress—the nonlinear reality.

To Satsuki, every wave pushing her skin apart feels more and more like Daiki is gliding on her with ease, like a canoe parting even water. It took a while to feel fulfilling for her. To accept that she doesn’t always need to do anything. That she can just be. Her existence as Daiki’s foundation. But she has grown too. Daiki used to be her weather. Now, perhaps only on the worst days. It has been a particularly good day and Satsuki can just enjoy the massage.

Daiki wishes he could last longer, but ah, well, another day. Everything hits home, tips the scale into euphoria, heading for the prize, as he moves faster on Satsuki’s softness. He’s already mentally drained for today and can’t wait to be drained physically now. The string of pleasure under him, the frantic pleasure gathering away from his body. The sweetest indeed. Peachy as fuck. His brain glides into hot white blankness when he loses control and comes along Satsuki’s spine. She feels tickled and almost looking for another round, he feels stupefied and weightless and almost ready to pass out when he falls next to Satsuki. Once Daiki’s brain functions have revived a little, he will wonder how many of such moments you can reminisce in detail in your autobiography without making a fool out of yourself.

– Thanks to you I need to shower twice today, Satsuki says softly, a smile growing in her voice, thinking how she’ll probably persuade Daiki to work on her a little more in the shower. Daiki grunts in response, thinking that in a minute he’ll access some unknown pocket of energy to pick Satsuki up and carry her into the bathroom. There will continue to be no space between them.

But first they snuggle their faces close and kiss a little, thoughts of curry forgotten.